Björk

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    <title>Björk</title>
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      <text bytes="10744" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Björk and the Swan Dress.jpg|thumb|right|Björk in her [[w:Swan dress|swan dress]] at the [[w:73rd Academy Awards|73rd Academy Awards]] in Los Angeles (March 25, 2001)]]

'''[[w:Björk|Björk Guðmundsdóttir]]''' (born 21 November 1965) is an Icelandic singer, composer, producer, and actor.

==Quotes==
* It's so amazing when people tell me that … electronic music has not got soul. And they blame the computers. They got the finger pointed at the computers like, &quot;There's no soul here.&quot; … You can't blame the computer. If there's not soul in the music, it's because nobody put it there. And it's not the tool's fault.
** [[w:The South Bank Show|''The South Bank Show'']], series 21, episode 4: &quot;Björk&quot; (9 November 1997)

* I am grateful grapefruit.
** From her acceptance speech for the [[w:Brit Award for International Female Solo Artist|Brit Award for International Female Solo Artist]] at the [[w:18th Brit Awards|18th Brit Awards]], 9 February 1998

* I don't like records that are the same from beginning to end, that are too styled and slick. Everything is so designed and airbrushed and Botoxed, it makes us think, 'Oh, everybody's perfect except me. Everything's smooth except me.' But nothing is smooth.
** Defending her song &quot;Ancestors&quot;, which had been alleged to be &quot;really hard to listen to&quot;. [[w:Newsweek|''Newsweek'']], 6 September 2004.

* Everyone is bisexual: I’ve always had as many powerful, creative ladies in my life as I have men, and you could probably describe some of those relationships as romantic. I think everyone's bisexual to some degree or another. It's just a question of whether or not you choose to recognise it and embrace it. Personally, I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream: You'd be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavours.
** [[w:Diva (magazine)|''Diva'']] magazine, October 2004

* But, but, these are the people that made the [[w:Busby Berkeley|Busby Berkeley]] movies, yeah? So they're not exactly subtle.
** Explaining her swan dress on ''[[w:The Tonight Show with Jay Leno|The Tonight Show with Jay Leno]], season 9, episode 177 (19 October 2001)

* It's interesting for me to bring up a girl. You go to the toy store and the female characters there—Cinderella, the lady in ''Beauty and the Beast''—their major task is to find Prince Charming. And I'm like, wait a minute, it's 2005! We've fought so hard to have a say, and not just live through our partners, and yet you're still seeing two-year-old girls with this message pushed at them that the only important thing is to find this amazing dress so that the guy will want you. It's something my mum pointed out to me when I was little—so much [so] that I almost threw up; but, she's right.
** From ''The Observer'', March 13 2005 issue

* It's a big question. Getting rid of religion would be a good start, wouldn't it? It seems to be causing a lot of havoc.
**When asked &quot;Given the chance, how would you change the world?&quot; (''The Independent'', 18 March 2005.)

* The thing about making &amp;#91;[[w:Dancer in the Dark|''Dancer in the Dark'']]&amp;#93; that upset me most was how cruel [[Lars von Trier|Lars]] is to the woman he is working with. Not that I can't take it, because I'm pretty tough and completely capable of defending myself, but because my ideals of the ultimate creator were shattered. And my friend said, 'What did you expect? All major directors are sexist; a maker is not necessarily an expert in human rights or female–male equality.'&lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt;My answer was that you can take quite sexist film directors like [[Woody Allen]] or [[Stanley Kubrick]], and still they are the one[s] that provide the soul to their movies. In [[Lars von Trier]]'s case it is not so, and he knows it. He needs a female to provide his work soul. And he envies them and hates them for it. So he has to destroy them during the filming, and hide the evidence. What saves him as an artist, though, is that he is so painfully honest that even though he will manage to cover up his crime in the &quot;real&quot; world (he is a genius to set things up [so] that everybody thinks it is just his female-actress-at-the-moment imagination, that she is just hysterical or pre-menstrual), his films become a documentation of this 'soul-robbery'. [[w:Breaking the Waves|''Breaking the Waves'']] is the clearest example of that.
** Posted by Björk to the bjork.com 4um, in response to a question about her conflict with director [[w:Lars von Trier|Lars von Trier]] during the production of ''[[w:Dancer in the Dark|Dancer in the Dark]]''

* You know, it's ironic that just at the point the lawyers and the businessmen had calculated how to control music, the Internet comes along and fucks everything up.&quot; Björk gives the finger again, this time waving it into the air. &quot;God bless the Internet,&quot; she adds. And what about you, then? &quot;I'll still be there, waving a pirate flag.
** Quoted by Valur Gunnarsson in &quot;[https://web.archive.org/web/20070505024629/https://unit.bjork.com/specials/albums/medulla/pirate/ Waving a pirate flag—Björk: Seditious superstar]&quot;, ''Reykjavik Grapevine''

== Song lyrics ==
===[[w:Debut (Björk album)|''Debut'']] (1993)===
* There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic&lt;br/&gt;To [[human behaviour]]&lt;br/&gt;…&lt;br/&gt; There's no map&lt;br/&gt;And a compass&lt;br/&gt;Wouldn't help at all
** &quot;[[w:Human Behaviour|Human Behaviour]]&quot;
* His wicked sense of humour suggests exciting sex&lt;br/&gt;His fingers focus on her&lt;br/&gt;Her touches &lt;br/&gt;He's Venus as a boy
** [[w:Venus as a Boy|Venus as a Boy]]

===[[w:Post (Björk album)|''Post'']] (1995)===
* I'm back at my cliff&lt;br&gt;Still throwing things off&lt;br&gt;I listen to the sounds they make&lt;br&gt;On their way down&lt;br&gt;I follow with my eyes 'til they crash&lt;br&gt;Imagine what my body would sound like&lt;br/&gt;Slamming against those rocks&lt;br&gt;And when it lands&lt;br&gt;Will my eyes&lt;br&gt;Be closed or open?
** &quot;[[w:Hyper-Ballad|Hyper-Ballad]]&quot;

===[[w:Homogenic|''Homogenic'']] (1997)===
* I'm a fountain of blood&lt;br/&gt;In the shape of a girl&lt;br/&gt;…&lt;br/&gt;Leave me now, return tonight&lt;br/&gt;Tide will show you the way &lt;br/&gt;If you forget my name&lt;br/&gt;You will go astray&lt;/br&gt;Like a killer whale&lt;/br&gt;Trapped in a bay
** &quot;[[w:Bachelorette (song)|Bachelorette]]&quot;
* If travel is searching&lt;br/&gt;And home what's been found&lt;br/&gt;I'm not stopping&lt;br/&gt;&lt;br&gt;I'm going hunting&lt;br/&gt;I'm the hunter&lt;br/&gt;I'll bring back the goods&lt;br/&gt;But I don't know when
** ''[[w:Hunter (Björk song)|Hunter]]'', {{w|Homogenic}} (1997)
* I thought I could organize freedom&lt;br/&gt;How Scandinavian of me
** ''[[w:Hunter (Björk song)|Hunter]]'', {{w|Homogenic}} (1997)
* I want to go on a mountaintop&lt;br/&gt;With a radio and good batteries&lt;br/&gt;And play a joyous tune&lt;br/&gt;And free the&lt;br/&gt;Human&lt;br/&gt;Race&lt;br/&gt;From suffering (saccharine)
** &quot;[[w:Alarm Call|Alarm Call]]&quot;

* Emotional landscapes&lt;br/&gt;They puzzle me&lt;br/&gt;The riddle gets solved and you push me up to&lt;br/&gt;This state of emergency&lt;br/&gt;How beautiful to be&lt;br/&gt;State of emergency&lt;br/&gt;Is where I want to be
** &quot;[[w:Jóga|Jóga]]&quot;
* I dare you to take me on&lt;br/&gt;I dare you to show me your palms&lt;br/&gt;I'm so bored of cowards who say they want (love)&lt;br/&gt;Then they can't handle love
** &quot;5 Years&quot;

===[[w:Vespertine|''Vespertine'']] (2001)===
* He offers a handshake, crooked five fingers&lt;br/&gt;They form a pattern yet to be matched&lt;br/&gt;On the surface simplicity&lt;br/&gt;But the darkest pit in me&lt;br/&gt;Is pagan poetry
** &quot;[[w:Pagan Poetry|Pagan Poetry]]&quot;

===[[w:Medúlla (album)|''Medúlla'']] (2004)===
* When in doubt, give.
**&quot;Pleasure is All Mine&quot;
* You have done&lt;br/&gt;Good for yourselves&lt;br/&gt;Since you left my wet embrace&lt;br/&gt;And crawled ashore&lt;br/&gt;…&lt;br/&gt;My sons and my daughters&lt;br/&gt;Ho-oh&lt;br/&gt;Your sweat is salty&lt;br/&gt;I am why
** &quot;[[w:Oceania (single)|Oceania]]&quot;

===[[w:Volta|''Volta'']] (2007)===
* Declare independence&lt;br/&gt;Don't let them do that to you&lt;br/&gt;...&lt;br/&gt;Start your own currency&lt;br/&gt;Make your own stamp&lt;br/&gt;Protect your language
** &quot;[[w:Declare Independence|Declare Independence]]&quot;

==Quotes about Björk==
* Do not fuck with Björk! Björk will beat your ass! … I saw Björk beat this woman's ass one time in this videotape. She was in the Bangkok Airport and she was pushing her luggage cart, and this woman came up and just touched her, and Björk went ''[roars and hisses]''. And it was so scary because you didn't expect it at all, because Björk is so cute. … And Björk called the woman she attacked afterwards to apologize. 'I'm very sorry I tried to pull your eyes up over your head. Somebody must have [[w:Gremlins|fed me after midnight]].'&lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt;But Björk wore the best dress ever to the Oscars ''ever'': She wore a ''swan''. And I'm not talking about a dress with white feathers on it. Oh, no. She rocked the ''whole bird''. The beak was up here and shit. And she accessorized it with an egg. What else you gon' wear with your bird? And all of the fashion magazines said she was the worst dressed, but when they say you're the worst, that means you're the best.
** [[Margaret Cho]], ''Assassin'' (2005)

* I … thought about all the artists that I really respected and liked. They were just them. … They're people who always stuck to who they were, and were true and honest about who they were. So, I think that kind of gave me … confidence to just stick at it. Just thinking about people like Björk. You know? [Like] [[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]] … artists that truly were strong in themselves.
** [[M.I.A.]] during [http://web.archive.org/web/20070926225407/http://www.muchmusic.com/music/artists/transcripts.asp?artist=1213 a guest appearance] [[w:MuchOnDemand|''MuchOnDemand'']] (26 September  2005).

* She has a weird energy about her as a woman. We were in this town to do a show, and she spread such positive vibes. There were birds singing, and rainbows; we could even see a tornado going on. We could actually see it! … I think that every artist has an aura and persona that develops, and Björk spreads such a positive energy. You can just feel it.
** [[M.I.A.]] [http://gigwise.co.uk/contents.asp?contentid=36660] [http://www.gigwise.com/news/36617/MIA---Drama-Follows-Me-Around]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{Official website|https://www.bjork.com/}}
* [https://genius.com/artists/Bjork Björk] at Genius.com

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[[Category:Actresses]]
[[Category:Environmentalists]]
[[Category:Activists]]
[[Category:People from Reykjavík]]
[[Category:1965 births]]
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  <page>
    <title>George S. Patton</title>
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      <text bytes="66953" xml:space="preserve">[[File:General George S Patton.jpg|thumb|[[Wars]] may be [[fought]] with [[weapons]], but they are won by [[men]]. It is the [[spirit]] of the men who follow and of the man who leads that gains that [[victory]].]]
[[w: General | General ]] '''[[w:George S. Patton|George Smith Patton, Jr.]]''' ([[11 November]] [[1885]] – [[21 December]] [[1945]]) was a senior [[w:Officer (armed forces)|officer]] of the [[United States Army]], who commanded the [[w:Seventh United States Army|U.S. Seventh Army]] in the [[w:Mediterranean Theater of Operations|Mediterranean]] and [[w:European theatre of World War II|European Theaters]] of [[World War II]], but is best known for his leadership of the [[w:United States Army Central|U.S. Third Army]] in [[w:Western Front (World War II)|France and Germany]] following the [[w:Allies of World War II|Allied]] [[w:invasion of Normandy|invasion of Normandy]] in June 1944. He was known in his time as &quot;America's Fightingest General&quot;.
: See also:
::[[Patton (film)|'''''Patton''''' (1970 film)]]

==Quotes==
[[File:Patton at VMI 1907.jpg|thumb|There is no [[proof]] nor yet any denial. We were, We are, and we will be.]]
[[File:Eisenhower, Patton, Bradley, Hodges cph.3c35308.jpg|thumb|I have the utmost [[confidence]] that through your [[efforts]] we will eventually beat the [[hell]] out of those bastards — &quot;You [[name]] them; I'll shoot them!&quot;]]
[[File:Ohrdruf Corpses Eisenhower.jpg|thumb|[[Now]] in war we are confronted with conditions which are [[strange]] &lt;br&gt; If we [[accept]] them we will never win.]]
[[File:GeorgeSPatton.jpg|thumb|My flanks are something for the [[enemy]] to worry about, not me. Before he finds out where my flanks are, I'll be cutting the bastard's throat.]]
[[File:Generals-patton-and-weyland-in nancy.jpg|thumb|Never tell [[people]] how to do things. Tell them what to do, and they will surprise you with their [[Genius|ingenuity]].]]
[[File:Wounded-on wayto-hospital-RG-208-AA-158-A-015.jpg |thumb|There is a great deal of talk about [[loyalty]] from the bottom to the top. Loyalty from the top down is even more [[necessary]] and much less prevalent.]]
[[File:Patton speaking with Lt. Col. Lyle Bernard, at Brolo, circa 1943.jpg|thumb|A [[good]] [[solution]] applied with vigor [[now]] is better than a [[perfect]] solution applied ten minutes later.]]
[[File:Stad 05082010013.jpg|thumb|It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank [[God]] that such men lived.]]

===1917===
* I wonder if I could have been here before as I drive up the Roman road the Theater seems familiar — perhaps I headed a legion up that same white road... I passed a chateau in ruins which I possibly helped escalade in the middle ages. '''There is no [[proof]] nor yet any denial. We were, We are, and we will be.'''
** Indicating some of his speculations about reincarnation, in a letter to his mother from Chamlieu, France during World War I (20 November 1917)

===Through A Glass, Darkly (1918)===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://writingriffs.blogspot.com/2008/02/general-george-patton-poet-and-past.html Full text online]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Alexander Nevsky Striking Birger Jarl.jpg|thumb|Through the travail of the ages, &lt;br&gt; Midst the pomp and toil of [[war]], &lt;br&gt; Have I fought and strove and perished &lt;br&gt; Countless times upon this [[star]].]]
[[File:Patton_Monument_in_its_original_location_in_front_of_old_cadet_chapel_circa_2003.jpg|thumb|So as through a glass, and darkly &lt;br&gt; The age long strife I see &lt;br&gt; Where I fought in many guises, &lt;br&gt; Many [[names]], but always [[Self|me]].]]
[[File:2011-01-6 Baugnez laarzen van George Patton 6-01-2012 14-09-34.JPG|thumb|So forever in the [[future]], &lt;br&gt; Shall I battle as of yore, &lt;br&gt; Dying to be born a fighter, &lt;br&gt; But to [[Death|die]] again, once more.]]

* '''Through the travail of the ages, &lt;br&gt; Midst the pomp and toil of [[war]], &lt;br&gt; Have I fought and strove and perished &lt;br&gt; Countless times upon this [[star]].''' &lt;p&gt; In the form of many [[people]] &lt;br&gt; In all panoplies of [[time]] &lt;br&gt; Have I seen the luring [[vision]] &lt;br&gt; Of the [[Victory]] Maid, sublime.

* I have [[Sin|sinned]] and I have [[Suffering|suffered]], &lt;br&gt; Played the [[hero]] and the [[knave]]; &lt;br&gt; Fought for belly, shame, or country, &lt;br&gt; And for each have found a grave. &lt;p&gt; I cannot name my battles &lt;br&gt; For the visions are not clear, &lt;br&gt; Yet, I see the twisted faces &lt;br&gt; And I feel the rending spear.

* I have fought with [[gun]] and cutlass &lt;br&gt; On the red and slippery deck &lt;br&gt; With all [[Hell]] aflame within me &lt;br&gt; And a rope around my neck.

* '''So as through a glass, and darkly &lt;br&gt; The age long strife I see &lt;br&gt; Where I fought in many guises, &lt;br&gt; Many [[names]], but always [[Self|me]].''' &lt;p&gt; And I see not in my [[blindness]] &lt;br&gt; What the objects were I wrought, &lt;br&gt; But as [[God]] rules o'er our bickerings &lt;br&gt; It was through His will I fought. &lt;p&gt; '''So forever in the [[future]], &lt;br&gt; Shall I battle as of yore, &lt;br&gt; Dying to be born a fighter, &lt;br&gt; But to [[Death|die]] again, once more.'''

===1930s===
* '''[[Wars]] may be fought with weapons, but they are won by [[men]]. It is the [[spirit]] of the men who follow and of the man who leads that gains the [[victory]].'''
** ''Cavalry Journal'' (September 1933)

===1942===
* '''Of all the many talks I had in Washington, none gave me such pleasure as that with you.''' There were two reasons for this. In the first place, you are about my oldest [[friend]]. In the second place, your self-assurance and to me, at least, demonstrated ability, give me a great feeling of [[confidence]] about the [[future]] … and '''I have the utmost confidence that through your efforts we will eventually beat the [[hell]] out of those bastards — &quot;You name them; I'll shoot them!&quot; '''
** Letter to [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]] (1942); to this Eisenhower replied: &quot;I don't have the slightest trouble naming the hellions I'd like to have you shoot; my problem is to figure out some way of getting you to the place you can do it.&quot; as quoted in ''Eisenhower : A Soldier's Life'' (2003) by Carlo D'Este, p. 301

* '''Sometimes I think your [[life]] and mine are under the protection of some supreme being or [[fate]], because, after many years of parallel thought, we find ourselves in the positions we [[now]] occupy.'''
** Letter to [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]] (May 1942), as quoted in ''Eisenhower : A Soldier's Life'' (2003) by Carlo D'Este, p. 301

* I finished the [[Koran]] – a good book and interesting.
** Diary, October 30, 1942, published in ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=zaRKDgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT79 The Patton Papers 1940-1945]'' (1996), p. 79.

===1943===
* '''The publicity I have been getting, a good deal of which is untrue, and the rest of it ill considered, has done me more harm than good.''' The only way you get on in this profession is to have the reputation of doing what you are told as thoroughly as possible. So far I have been able to accomplish that, and I believe I have gotten quite a reputation from not kicking at peculiar assignments.
** Letter to Frederick Ayer (5 May 1943), published in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson, p. 242

* The more I see of Arabs the less I think of them. By having studied them a good deal I have found out the trouble. They are the mixture of all the bad races on earth, and they get worse from west to east, because the eastern ones have had more crosses.
** Letter to Frederick Ayer (5 May 1943), published in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson, p. 243

* '''It is rather interesting how you get used to [[death]].''' I have had to go to inspect the troops in which case you run a very good [[chance]] — or I should say a reasonable chance — of being bombed or shot at from the air, and shelled or shot at from the ground. &lt;br&gt; I had the same experience every day which is for the first half-hour the palms of my hands sweat and I feel depressed. Then, if one hits near you, it seems to break the spell and you don't notice them any more. Going back in the evening over the same ground and at a time when the shelling and bombing are usually heavier, you become so used to it you never think about it.
** Letter to Frederick Ayer (5 May 1943), published in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson, p. 243

* I find that moral courage is the most valuable and most usually absent characteristic.
**In a letter to Beatrice (22 August 1943), published in [https://books.google.com/books?id=eV2pRL7arKkC&amp;pg=PT239 ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson]

*'''Few men are killed by bayonets, but many are scared by them. Having the bayonet fixed makes our men want to close. Only the threat to close will defeat a determined enemy.'''
**notes on combat written by General Patton were published in ''Tactical and Technical Trends'', No. 30, July 29, 1943. [http://www.lonesentry.com/articles/ttt09/patton-notes-on-combat.html]

===1944===
* '''A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.'''
** Letter (3 March 1944), later published in ''War As I Knew It'' (1947)
***Similar expressions were also used in his famous &quot;Speech to the Third Army&quot; in June 1944. The phrase is similar to one attributed to [[Erwin Rommel]], &quot;Sweat saves blood, blood saves lives, and brains saves both&quot;, and to an even older one by August Willich: &quot;A drop of sweat on the drill ground will save many drops of blood on the battlefield&quot; from ''The Army: Standing Army or National Army?'' (1866)

* '''[[Now]] in war we are confronted with conditions which are [[strange]] &lt;br&gt; If we accept them we will never win.''' &lt;br&gt; Since being realistic, as in mundane combats fistic &lt;br&gt; We will get a bloody nose and that's a sin.
** Stanza 1 of &quot;Absolute War&quot; a poem composed by Patton in July 1944, during [[w:Operation Cobra|Operation Cobra]] as quoted in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson p. 492

* Stanzas 4 and 5 of &quot;Absolute War&quot;, as quoted in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson, p. 492: &lt;br /&gt;'''For in war just as in loving''' &lt;br /&gt;You must keep on shoving &lt;br /&gt;Or you'll never get your reward. &lt;br /&gt;For if you are dilatory &lt;br /&gt;In the search for lust or glory &lt;br&gt;You are up shitcreek and that's the truth, Oh, Lord. &lt;p&gt;So let us do real fighting, &lt;br /&gt;Boring in and gouging, biting. &lt;br /&gt;Let's take a chance now that we have the ball. &lt;br /&gt;Let's forget those fine firm bases &lt;br /&gt;In the dreary shell-raked spaces, &lt;br /&gt;Let's shoot the works and win! Yes win it all. &lt;br /&gt;

* '''Some goddamn [[fool]] once said that flanks have got to be secure. Since then sonofabitches all over the globe have been guarding their flanks. I don't agree with that. My flanks are something for the [[enemy]] to worry about, not me. Before he finds out where my flanks are, I'll be cutting the bastard's throat.'''
** Conference with his officers (1 August 1944), as quoted in ''General Patton : A Soldiers Life'' (2002) by Stanley P. Hirshon, p. 502

===Speech to the Third Army (1944)===
[[File:&quot;Lt. Gen. George S. Patton, U.S. Third Army commander, pins the Silver Star on Private Ernest A. Jenkins of New York Cit - NARA - 535724.jpg|thumb|A real man will never let his [[fear]] of [[death]] overpower his [[honor]], his sense of [[duty]] to his country, and his innate [[Virtue|manhood]]. Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and it removes all that is base.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.pattonhq.com/speech.html Transcription of his Speech to the Third Army] (5 June 1944); published in ''The Unknown Patton'' (1982) by Charles M. Province, p. 32&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Patton during a welcome home parade in Los Angeles, June 9, 1945.jpg|thumb|We want this [[war]] over with. The quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards who started it. The quicker they are whipped, the quicker we can go [[home]].]]
[[File:Pattonphoto.jpg|thumb|I [[believe]] in the old and sound rule that an ounce of sweat will save a gallon of [[blood]].]]

* '''Men, this stuff that some sources sling around about [[America]] wanting out of this [[war]], not wanting to fight, is a crock of bullshit. Americans love to fight, traditionally.''' All real Americans love the sting and clash of battle. You are here today for three reasons. First, because you are here to defend your homes and your loved ones. Second, you are here for your own self respect, because you would not want to be anywhere else. Third, you are here because you are real men and all real men like to fight.

* Americans love a winner. Americans will not tolerate a loser. Americans despise cowards. Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an American.

* '''Every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he's not, he's a [[liar]]. Some men are [[cowards]] but they fight the same as the brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real [[hero]] is the man who fights even though he is scared.''' Some men get over their fright in a minute under fire. For some, it takes an hour. For some, it takes days. But a real man will never let his [[fear]] of [[death]] overpower his [[honor]], his sense of [[duty]] to his country, and his innate [[Virtue|manhood]]. '''Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and it removes all that is base.'''

* Remember that the [[enemy]] is just as frightened as you are, and probably more so. They are not supermen.

* All through your Army careers, you men have bitched about what you call &quot;chicken shit drilling&quot;. That, like everything else in this Army, has a definite purpose. That purpose is alertness. Alertness must be bred into every soldier. I don't give a fuck for a man who's not always on his toes. You men are veterans or you wouldn't be here. You are ready for what's to come.

* '''There are four hundred neatly marked graves somewhere in Sicily. All because one man went to sleep on the job. But they are German graves, because we caught the bastard asleep before they did.'''

* An Army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse shit. The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don't know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about fucking!

* We have the finest food, the finest equipment, the best [[spirit]], and the best men in the world. Why, by [[God]], I actually pity those poor sons-of-bitches we're going up against. By God, I do.

* My men don't surrender. I don't want to hear of any soldier under my command being captured unless he has been hit. Even if you are hit, you can still fight back.

* If you put the letter &quot;S&quot; in front of [[Hitler]], then you have my opinion of him.

* '''All of the real heroes are not storybook combat fighters, either. Every single man in this Army plays a vital role. Don't ever let up. Don't ever think that your job is unimportant. Every man has a job to do and he must do it. Every man is a vital link in the great chain.'''

[[File:General Patton takes a break.png|thumb|All of the real heroes are not storybook combat fighters, either. Every single man in this Army plays a vital role. Don't ever let up. Don't ever think that your job is unimportant. Every man has a job to do and he must do it. Every man is a vital link in the great chain.]]

* Each man must not think only of himself, but also of his buddy fighting beside him. We don't want yellow cowards in this Army. They should be killed off like rats. If not, they will go home after this war and breed more cowards. The brave men will breed more brave men. Kill off the Goddamned cowards and we will have a nation of brave men.

* '''Don't forget, you men don't know that I'm here. No mention of that [[fact]] is to be made in any letters. The [[world]] is not supposed to know what the [[hell]] happened to me. I'm not supposed to be commanding this [[Army]]. I'm not even supposed to be here in [[England]]. Let the first bastards to find out be the Goddamned Germans. Some day I want to see them raise up on their piss-soaked hind legs and howl, &quot;[[Jesus]] [[Christ]], it's the Goddamned Third Army again and that son-of-a-fucking-bitch Patton&quot;.'''

* Sure, we want to go [[home]]. We want this war over with. '''The quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards who started it. The quicker they are whipped, the quicker we can go home.''' The shortest way home is through Berlin and Tokyo. And when we get to Berlin, I am personally going to shoot that paper hanging son-of-a-bitch [[Hitler]]. Just like I'd shoot a snake!

* When a man is lying in a shell hole, if he just stays there all day, a German will get to him eventually. The hell with that idea. The hell with taking it. '''My men don't dig foxholes. I don't want them to. Foxholes only slow up an offensive. Keep moving. And don't give the enemy time to dig one either.''' We'll win this war, but we'll win it only by fighting and by showing the Germans that we've got more guts than they have; or ever will have. We're not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we're going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Hun cocksuckers by the bushel-fucking-basket. War is a bloody, killing business. You've got to spill their blood, or they will spill yours. Rip them up the belly. Shoot them in the guts. When shells are hitting all around you and you wipe the dirt off your face and realize that instead of dirt it's the blood and guts of what once was your best friend beside you, you'll know what to do!

* I don't want to get any messages saying, &quot;I am holding my position.&quot; We are not holding a Goddamned thing. Let the Germans do that. We are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemy's balls. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy. We are going to go through him like crap through a goose; like shit through a tin horn!

* From [[time]] to time there will be some complaints that we are pushing our people too hard. I don't give a good Goddamn about such complaints. '''I believe in the old and sound rule that an ounce of sweat will save a gallon of blood.''' The harder ''we'' push, the more Germans we will kill. The more Germans we kill, the fewer of our men will be killed. '''Pushing means fewer casualties. I want you all to remember that.'''

* There is one [[great]] thing that you men will all be able to say after this war is over and you are home once again. You may be thankful that twenty years from [[now]] when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did in the great World War II, you ''won't'' have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, &quot;Well, your Granddaddy shoveled shit in Louisiana.&quot; No, Sir, you can look him straight in the eye and say, &quot;Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Third Army and a Son-of-a-Goddamned-Bitch named Georgie Patton!
** Though 2 publications, ''Eyewitness to War'' (2006) by Antony Bird and Nicholas Bird, p. 256, and ''Charge! : History's Greatest Military Speeches‎'' (2007) by Steve Israel, p. 200, have been found which use &quot;George&quot;, all earlier published sources available use &quot;Georgie&quot; in this line.

===1945===
* '''Have taken Trier with two divisions. What do you want me to do? Give it back?'''
** 2 March 1945 reply to a message from General [[Dwight Eisenhower]] to bypass the German city of Trier because it would take four divisions to capture it, as quoted in the Introduction to ''War as I Knew it'' (1947) by George Smith Patton, Jr., with [[w:Paul D. Harkins|Paul Donal Harkins]], p. 20

* I don't know what you think you're trying to do, but the krauts ought to pin a medal on you for helping them mess up discipline for us.
** During a March 1945 meeting with [[Bill Mauldin]], complaining about his &quot;Willy and Joe&quot; cartoons; as quoted in ''The Brass Ring'' (1971) by Bill Mauldin

*'''It is a popular idea that a man is a [[hero]] just because he was killed in action. Rather, I think, a man is frequently a fool when he gets killed.'''
** Speech at the Hatch Memorial Shell, Boston, Massachusetts (7 June 1945), quoted in ''The Last Days of Patton'' (1981), p. 85, by Ladislas Farago and '''The Patton Papers: 1940-1945'' (1974), p. 721, edited by Martin Blumenson.

* '''It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank [[God]] that such men lived.'''
** Speech at the Copley Plaza Hotel, Boston, Massachusetts (7 June 1945), quoted in ''Patton : Ordeal and Triumph'' (1970) by Ladislas Farago

*We have destroyed what could have been a good race and we are about to replace them with the Mongolian savage and all Europe with Communism
**21 July 1945 letter home per [https://books.google.ca/books?id=AoA3Q2uc5iMC&amp;q=Mongolian page 141 of 1976 &quot;Patton&quot; by Charles Whiting]

*Berlin gave me the blues.&lt;br&gt;We have destroyed what could have been a good race and we [are] about to replace them with Mongolian savages.&lt;br&gt;And all Europe will be communist.&lt;br&gt;It's said that for the first week after they took it, all women who ran were shot and those who did not were raped.&lt;br&gt;I could have taken it had I been allowed.
**21 July 1945 letter to Beatrice per [https://books.google.ca/books?id=eV2pRL7arKkC&amp;pg=PT542 page 542 of 2009 &quot;The Patton Papers&quot; by Martin Blumenson]

* The difficulty in understanding the Russian is that we do not take cognizance of the fact that he is not a European, but an Asiatic, and therefore thinks deviously. We can no more understand a Russian than a Chinaman or a Japanese, and from what I have seen of them, I have no particular desire to understand them, except to ascertain how much lead or iron it takes to kill them. In addition to his other Asiatic characteristics, the Russian have no regard for human life and is an all out son of bitch, barbarian, and chronic drunk.
** 8 August 1945 aquoted in ''General Patton : A Soldier's Life'' (2002) by Stanley P. Hirshson, p. 650&lt;ref name=&quot;Province1983&quot;&gt;{{cite book|author=Charles M. Province|title=The unknown Patton |url=&amp;q=&quot;understanding+the+russian&quot; |year=1983|publisher=Hippocrene Books|isbn=978-0-88254-641-4|page=99}}&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;X&quot;&gt;{{cite book|author=English Teacher X|title=Vodkaberg: Nine Years in Russia|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=ZR2TBwAAQBAJ |publisher=English Teacher X|pages=2–|id=GGKEY:2DPNH0X04GB}}&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;Martyn2009&quot;&gt;{{cite book|author=Evi Martyn|title=Captain Philip Markopoulos a Patton's Hero: An Incredible True Story When Fate and Destiny Outpower Weapons|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=IdkUq5EixE8C&amp;pg=PA176 |year=2009 |publisher=AuthorHouse |isbn=978-1-4389-8409-4 |page=176}}&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref&gt;http://www.military-history.us/2014/03/now-would-be-a-good-time-for-a-bit-of-revisionism/&lt;/ref&gt;

* The noise against me is only the means by which the '''Jews and Communists''' are attempting and with good success to implement a further dismemberment of Germany.&lt;br&gt;I think that if I resigned as I threatened to do yesterday, it would simply discredit me to no purpose. . . &lt;br /&gt; This august lady [Fifteenth Army] . . . has the job of reviewing the strategy and tactics of the war to see how the former conformed to the unit plans and how the tactics changed. Were it not for the fact that it will be, so far as I am concerned, a kick up stairs, I would like it much better than being a sort of executioner to the best race in Europe.&lt;br /&gt; Later when people wake up to what is going on here, I can admit why I took the job. &lt;br /&gt;Am I weak and a coward? Am I putting my posthumous reputation above my present honor? God how I wish I knew... &lt;br /&gt;P.S. No one gives a damn how well Bavaria is run. All they are interested in now is how well it is ruined.
** Letter to Beatrice (29 September 1945), published in [https://books.google.com/books?id=XGP_AgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA786 ''The Patton Papers'' (1996), edited by Martin Blumenson Vol. 2 , p. 786]
***also in [https://books.google.ca/books?id=VlzkCgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT185 page 185 of 2015 &quot;Patton: A Biography&quot; by Alan Axelrod]

* All military governments are going to be targets from now on for every sort of Jewish and Communistic attack from the press. &lt;br /&gt; My self esteem would be better had I simply asked for immediate retirement but then any thing I said in the future could be attributed to revenge... &lt;br /&gt;At the moment I feel pretty mad.
** Letter to Beatrice (29 September 1945), published in ''The Patton Papers'' (1996), edited by Martin Blumenson, Vol. 2 , p. 787

===1946===
*It is amusing to recall that we fought the Revolution in defense of the rights of man,&lt;br&gt;and the Civil War to abolish slavery,&lt;br&gt;and we have now gone back on both principles.&lt;br&gt;The more I see of people, the more I regret that I survived the war.
**when ordered to hand over German prisoners to the French for forced labor, per [https://books.google.ca/books?id=G001xz-FDhEC&amp;pg=PT641 page 641] of &quot;Brothers, Rivals, Victors&quot; by Jonathan W. Jordan

===1947===
* One cannot but ponder the question: What if the Arabs had been Christians? To me it seems certain that the fatalistic teachings of [[Mohammed]] and the utter degradation of women is the outstanding cause for the arrested development of the Arab. He is exactly as he was around the year 700, while we have kept on developing. Here, I think, is a text for some eloquent sermon on the virtues of Christianity.
** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=2A4BPpDQTfcC&amp;pg=PA49 The War as I Knew it]'' (1947), p.49.

* '''Never tell [[people]] ''how'' to do things. Tell them ''what'' to do, and they will surprise you with their [[Genius|ingenuity]].'''
** ''War As I Knew It'' (1947) &quot;Reflections and Suggestions&quot;

* '''There is a great deal of talk about [[loyalty]] from the bottom to the top. Loyalty from the top down is even more [[necessary]] and much less prevalent.''' One of the most frequently noted characteristics of great men who have remained great is loyalty to their subordinates.
** ''War As I Knew It'' (1947); also quoted in ''Patton's One-Minute Messages: Tactical Leadership Skills for Business Management'' (1995) by Charles M. Province, p. 88

* Fatigue makes cowards of all of us.
** ''War as I knew it'' (1947), as cited in [https://books.google.com/books?id=whg05Z4Nwo0C&amp;pg=PA258 ''Oxford Dictionary of American Quotations'', By Hugh Rawson, Margaret Miner, p. 258](via books.google.com).

===Year unknown===
*a very apparent Semitic influence in the press. They are trying to do two things:&lt;br&gt;First, implement Communism, and&lt;br&gt;second, see that all business men of German ancestry and non-Jewish antecedents are thrown out of their jobs&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;They have utterly lost the Anglo-Saxon concept of justice and feel that a man can be kicked out because somebody else says he is a Nazi.
**diary entry per [https://books.google.ca/books?id=VlzkCgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT185 page 185 of 2015 &quot;Patton: A Biography&quot; by Alan Axelrod]

* In the second place, Harrison and his ilk believe that the Displaced Person is a human being, which he is not, and this applies particularly to the Jews, who are lower than animals.
** Diaries, ''General Patton : A Soldier's Life'' (2002) by Stanley P. Hirshson, p. 661

* '''There are three ways that men get what they want; by planning, by working, and by praying.''' Any great military operation takes careful planning, or thinking. Then you must have well-trained troops to carry it out: that's working. But between the plan and the operation there is always an unknown. That unknown spells defeat or victory, success or failure. It is the reaction of the actors to the ordeal when it actually comes. Some people call that getting the breaks; I call it [[God]]. God has His part, or margin in everything, That's where [[prayer]] comes in.
** As quoted in [http://www.pattonhq.com/prayer.html &quot;The True Story of The Patton Prayer&quot; by James H. O'Neill in ''Review of the News'' (6 October 1971)]

* My men can eat their belts, but my tanks have gotta have gas.
** On the gasoline supplies for his tanks, as quoted in ''The Struggle for Europe‎'' (1972) by Chester Wilmot, p. 473

* We promised the Europeans freedom. It would be worse than dishonorable not to see that they have it. This might mean war with the [[Russians]], but what of it? They have no air force, and their gasoline and ammunition supplies are low. I've seen their miserable supply trains; mostly wagons drawn by beaten up old horses or oxen. I'll say this; the Third Army alone and with damned few casualties, could lick what is left of the Russians in six weeks. You mark my words. Don't ever forget them. Someday we will have to fight them and it will take six years and cost us six million lives.
** As quoted in ''The Unknown Patton'' (1983) by Charles M. Province, p. 100

* '''A [[good]] [[solution]] applied with vigor [[now]] is better than a [[perfect]] solution applied ten minutes later.'''
** As quoted in ''The Unknown Patton'' (1983) by Charles M. Province, p. 165

* '''When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty.''' It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon [[tea]] party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. '''You can't run an army without [[profanity]]; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An army without profanity couldn't fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.''' … As for the types of comments I make, sometimes I just, By [[God]], get carried away with my own [[eloquence]].
** Remark to his nephew about his copious profanity, quoted in ''The Unknown Patton'' (1983) by Charles M. Province, p. 184

* '''Always do everything you ask of those you command.'''
** As quoted in ''I Remember General Patton's Principles'' (1984) by Porter B. Williamson, p. 174

* '''Accept the [[challenges]], so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.'''
** As quoted in ''Textbook of Phacoemulsification'' (1988) by William F. Maloney and Lincoln Grindle, p. 79

* We entered a synagogue which was packed with the greatest stinking bunch of humanity I have ever seen. Either these Displaced Persons never had any sense of decency or else they lost it all during their period of internment by the Germans…. My personal opinion is that no people could have sunk to the level of degradation these have reached in the short space of four years.
** As quoted in ''After the Holocaust: Rebuilding Jewish Lives in Post War Germany'' (1997) by Michael Brenner &lt;!-- Princeton University Press, p. 15 --&gt;

* '''We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead [[people]]. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.'''
** As quoted in ''Pocket Patriot : Quotes from American Heroes'' (2005) edited by Kelly Nickell, p. 157

* There is only one tactical principle which is not subject to [[change]]. It is to use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of wound, [[death]], and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of [[time]].
** As quoted in ''Liberalism is a Mental Disorder : Savage Solutions‎'' (2005) by [[w:Michael Savage|Michael Savage]], Ch. 1 : More Patton, Less Patent Leather, p. 4

* '''Fixed fortifications are a monument to the [[stupidity]] of man.'''
** Quoted in ''50 Military Leaders Who Changed the World‎'' (2007) by William Weir, p. 173
** Unsourced variant: Fixed fortifications are a monument to the stupidity of man. Anything built by man, can be destroyed by him.

* '''It is the cold glitter of the attacker's eye not the point of the questing bayonet that breaks the line.'''
** Quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=h-Fens34378C&amp;pg=PA70 ''How We Are Changed by War: A Study of Letters and Diaries from Colonial Conflicts to Operation Iraqi Freedom'' (2010)] by D.C. Gill, p. 70

{{Disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==
[[File:Patton.jpg|thumb|Don't [[fight]] a battle if you don't gain anything by winning.]]

* '''Don't [[fight]] a battle if you don't gain anything by winning.'''
** This is cited to Patton in ''Patton's Principles : A Handbook for Managers Who Mean It!'' (1982) by Porter B. Williamson as well as ''Leadership'' (1990) by William Safire and Leonard Safir, p. 47, but is also cited to [[Erwin Rommel‎]] from his ''Infanterie Greift An'' [''Infantry Attacks''] (1937) in ''World War II : The Definitive Visual History'' (2009) by Richard Holmes, p. 128, and ''Timelines of History'' (2011) by DK Publishing, p. 392

* '''We've defeated the wrong enemy'''
** It is unknown if Patton ever said these precise words. However, {{w|Anthony Cave Brown}} notes in ''{{w|Bodyguard of Lies}} Volume II'' (1975), p. 898, that &quot;Patton was relieved of command of the 3rd Army by Eisenhower just after the end of the war for stating publicly that America had been fighting the wrong enemy— Germany instead of Russia&quot;, the accuracy of the book [[w:Bodyguard of Lies#Critical reception|is disputed]].

{{Disputed end}}
{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* Almighty and most merciful Father, we humbly beseech Thee, of Thy great goodness, to restrain these immoderate rains with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for Battle. Graciously hearken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee that, armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory, and crush the oppression and wickedness of our enemies and establish Thy justice among men and nations.
** Though Patton commissioned this prayer and ordered 250,000 copies of it printed with his signature, it was actually composed by Chief Chaplain [http://www.pattonhq.com/prayer.html James H. O'Neill] ''Review of the News'' (6 October 1971)

* Fail to honor people, They fail to honor you; But of a good leader, who talks little, When his work is done, his aims fulfilled, They will all say, We did this ourselves.
** This is actually a translation of a statement by [[Lao Zi]] from the [[W:Tao Te Ching|Tao Te Ching (Daodejing)]]. Patton may have used a similar or identical expression, perhaps quoting the book.

* Give me an army of [[w:United States Military Academy|West Point]] graduates, I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of [[w:Texas A&amp;M University|Texas Aggies]] and I'll win a war!
** Mike Province, founder and president of [http://www.pattonhq.com/ The Patton Society] calls this an urban legend and in the [http://media.www.thebatt.com/media/storage/paper657/news/2006/10/02/Aggielife/Traditionally.Speaking-2319058.shtml?sourcedomain=www.thebatt.com&amp;MIIHost=media.collegepublisher.com ''Texas A&amp;M Battalion'' (2 October 2006)] is quoted as saying &quot;I've gotten e-mails and questions regarding that quote for several years... People will use it with Texas Aggies, The Citadel, Virginia Military Institute and even Clemson. All of these schools want to be linked to Patton... Anything is possible... I honestly don't believe he said it, because I've heard too many people say that he said it about their school. But if anyone out there can find proof that he said it, I'd love to hear about it and get it out there.&quot; If any school has a claim, it is the Virginia Military Institute; Patton's grandfather, grand-uncles, and his father all were VMI graduates. Patton himself spent a year at VMI before going to West Point. VMI has many George Patton relics donated by his family in its museum. Please also note that the photo of Patton as a cadet has him wearing a VMI coatee and cap.

* I'd rather have a German division in front of me, than a French one behind.
** Misattributed by former Defense Secretary James Schlesinger on Fox News. Patton commanded French troops, the 2nd Armored Division commanded by Philippe Leclerc, integrated in the Third Army, and had rocky but friendly relations with the French general. For instance, on August, 15 1944 Patton wrote in his diary: &quot;Leclerc came in very much excited. He said, among other things, that if he were not allowed to advance on Paris, he would resign. I told him in my best French that he was a baby and said I had left him in the most dangerous place on the front. We parted friends&quot;

* I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.
** Spoken by [[w:George C. Scott|George C. Scott]] in the film ''[[w:Patton (film)|Patton]]''.
** Variants:
***No man ever won a war by dying for his country. Wars were won by making the other poor bastard die for his.
*** You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win a war by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his.
*** War is not meant to be you dying for your country-it is by making the other bastard die for his.
* Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!
** Spoken by [[w:George C. Scott|George C. Scott]] in the film ''[[w:Patton (film)|Patton]]'', portraying his defeat of what he thought were forces under the command of [[Erwin Rommel|Erwin Rommel]]; however, the book portrayed in that film is purely fictional — Rommel never finished the [[w:The_Tank_In_Attack|book he was writing]] on tank warfare, but did write a book on his [[w:Infantry_Attacks|experiences in WW I]]. It was widely read, regarded a classic of modern military tactics, and published in abbreviated form for study by US army officers.

* Wonder weapons... my God, I don't see the wonder in them. Killing without heroics, nothing is glorified... nothing is reaffirmed? No heroes, no cowards, no troops, no generals? Only those who are left alive... and those who are left dead. I'm glad I won't live to see it.
** Attributed as a quote in Charles W. Hudlin, &quot;Morality and the Military Profession: Problems and Solutions&quot;, ''Military Ethics'' (National Defense University Press, 1987)[http://books.google.com/books?id=B9EvXhH1ZVAC&amp;pg=PA83]; but Hudlin cites the biographical dramatization ''[[Patton (film)|Patton]]'' (1970 film) which does not purport to use Patton's actual words.

* Men are at war with each other because each man is at war with himself.
** This is almost always attributed to US Ambassador [http://www.nndb.com/people/060/000121694/ Francis Meehan], though without citations, and only very rarely to Patton.

* Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil, because I am the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the valley.
** This was a widely published anonymous derivative of [[w:Psalm 23|Psalm 23]] which arose in the early 1970s on wall-posters, plaques and t-shirts, with an early variant also reading &quot;Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil: for I am the meanest bastard in the valley&quot;; much cruder variants, with less clear association with the original biblical passages have since emerged on the internet, and in very recent years have begun to be attributed to Patton. There are no historical sources indicating he ever actually said anything resembling this.
{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Patton ==
[[File:General Patton 3c 1953 issue U.S. stamp.jpg|thumb|He was tough. [[War]] is tough. [[Leadership|Leaders]] have to be tough. He drove his army hard, yes, and he made many [[enemies]] among colleagues and subordinates, but he also produced results. ~ Alan Axelrod]]
[[File:Patton Monument 2010.jpg|thumb|I always admired Patton. Oh, sure, the stupid bastard was [[crazy]]. He was insane. [[Soldiers]] were peasants to him. I didn't like that attitude, but I certainly respected his [[theories]] and the techniques he used to get his men out of their foxholes. ~ [[Bill Mauldin]] ]]
:&lt;small&gt;Alphabetized by author &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:PATTON MEMORIAL IN BASTOGNE.jpg|thumb|The American generals showed themselves to be very advanced in the tactical handling of their [[forces]], although we had to wait until the Patton Army in [[France]] to see the most astonishing achievements in mobile [[warfare]]. ~ [[Erwin Rommel]] ]]
[[File:George S. Patton 1919.jpg|thumb|I prefer to remember Patton as a man, as a man with all the frailties and faults of a human being, as a man whose greatness is therefore all the more of a triumph. ~ Omar Bradley]]
[[File:AlfredPalmerM3tank1942b.jpg|thumb|Valley Forge, Custer's ranks,&lt;br&gt;San Juan Hill and Patton's tanks,&lt;br&gt;And the Army went rolling along&lt;br&gt;Minutemen, from the start,&lt;br&gt;Always fighting from the heart,&lt;br&gt;And the Army keeps rolling along. ~ Harold W. Arberg]]
[[File:Patton speech 1 April 1944 side view.jpg|thumb|His vigor was always infectious, his wit barbed, his conversation a mixture of obscenity and good humor. He was at once stimulating and overbearing. George was a magnificent soldier. ~ Omar Bradley]]
[[File:John J. McCloy - Project Gutenberg etext 20587.jpg|thumb|Lincoln's remark after they got after Grant comes to mind when I think of Patton – 'I can't spare this man, he fights'. ~ John J. McCloy]]

* '''Valley Forge, Custer's ranks,'''&lt;br&gt;'''San Juan Hill and Patton's tanks,'''&lt;br&gt;'''And the Army went rolling along'''&lt;br&gt;Minutemen, from the start,&lt;br&gt;Always fighting from the heart,&lt;br&gt;And the Army keeps rolling along.
** Harold W. Arberg, second verse of &quot;The Army Goes Rolling Along&quot; (1956), added to the music written by John Philip Sousa in 1917.

* MARKET-GARDEN was a high risk operation that failed. It was undertaken at the expense of two possible offensives that had to be postponed because Eisenhower diverted supplies to MARKET-GARDEN. The first was the Canadian attack on the approaches to Antwerp, Europe's greatest port and essential to the support of any Allied offensive across the Rhine. In the event, Antwerp was not opened and operating until the end of 1944, which meant that through the fall the Allied Expeditionary Force (AEF) fought with inadequate supplies. The second postponed offensive was that of Patton's Third Army, south of the Ardennes. Patton believed that if he had gotten the supplies that Monty got for MARKET-GARDEN, he could have crossed the Rhine that fall and then had an unopposed path to Berlin. That seems doubtful, but we will never know because it was never tried.
** Stephen E. Ambrose, in ''Band of Brothers'' (1992), p. 139

* Because of Hale's condition, the doctor gave him a medical order stating that he did not have to wear a necktie. (Later, Hale was stopped by an irate General Patton who chewed him out for not wearing his necktie. Hale triumphantly produced his slip of paper, leaving Patton for once speechless.)
** Stephen E. Ambrose, in ''Band of Brothers'' (1992), p. 218

*'''Won't that old bastard ever get enough of war? He wanted to fight in the Pacific, and I wish to [[God]] they'd let him go.'''
** [[Anonymous]] G.I., as quoted in ''Patton: A Genius of War'' (1996) by Carlo D'Este, p. 733

* '''He was tough. [[War]] is tough. [[Leadership|Leaders]] have to be tough. He drove his army hard, yes, and he made many [[enemies]] among colleagues and subordinates, but he also produced results.''' He was indeed arrogant, but sometimes a good leader has to be larger than life. … But the fact is: again typically, Patton's admirers are no more specific in their praise than are his disparagers in their criticism.
** [[Alan Axelrod]]: ''Patton On Leadership'' (1999), p. xi

* For Patton, leadership was never simply about making plans and giving orders, it was about transforming oneself into a symbol.
** [[Alan Axelrod]], ''Patton: A Biography'' (2006), p. 80-82

* King [[George VI of the United Kingdom]]: &quot;How many men have you killed in war, General Patton?&quot;&lt;br&gt; Patton: &quot;Seven, sir.&quot;.&lt;br&gt; [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]: &quot;How many did you say, General Patton?&quot;&lt;br&gt; Patton: &quot;Three, sir.&quot;&lt;br&gt; Eisenhower: &quot;Ok, George, we'll let you get away with that.&quot;
** Anecdote from ''The Reluctant King'' (1989) by Sarah Bradford

* [Patton was] arrogant, publicity-seeking and personally flawed, but ... among the greatest generals of the war.
** Terry Brighton, ''Patton, Montgomery, Rommel: Masters of War'' (2009), p. xv

* I have attempted to write of my long association with George Patton as fairly and as honestly as I could. General Patton was one of my staunchest friends and the most unhesitatingly loyal of my commanders. He was a magnificent soldier, one whom the American people can admire not only as a great commander but as a unique and remarkable man. In recollecting our experiences together, I may offend those who prefer to remember Patton not as a human being but as a heroic-size statue in a public park. '''I prefer to remember Patton as a man, as a man with all the frailties and faults of a human being, as a man whose greatness is therefore all the more of a triumph.'''
** Omar N. Bradley, in his memoirs ''A Soldier's Story (1951)'' p. xii.

* Precisely at 7 Patton boomed in to breakfast. '''His vigor was always infectious, his wit barbed, his conversation a mixture of obscenity and good humor. He was at once stimulating and overbearing. George was a magnificent soldier.'''
** Omar N. Bradley, ''A Soldier's Story (1951)'' p. 5.

* Like Eisenhower, Patton ordinarily messed with a group of inmates from his headquarters. Breakfast was spirited and talkative. Patton picked up the GI holster in which I carried my 30-year-old Colt .45. &quot;Hell, Brad,&quot; he said, &quot;what you need is a social gun. You can't carry that cannon with you everywhere you go.&quot;
** Omar N. Bradley, ''A Soldier's Story'' (1951), p. 5-6.

* &quot;Gentlemen,&quot; he said, looking about the dimly lighted room, &quot;tomorrow we attack. If we are not victorious, let no one come back alive.&quot; With that, George excused himself and retired alone to his room to pray. These contradictions in Patton's character continued to bewilder his staff. For while he was profane, he was also reverent. And while he strutted imperiously as a commander, he knelt humbly before his God. And while that last appeal for victory even at the price of death was looked upon as a hammy gesture by his corps staff, it helped to make it more clearly apparent to them that to Patton war was a holy crusade.
** Omar N. Bradley, ''A Soldier's Story'' (1951), p. 52

* I still could not accustom myself, however, to the vulgarity with which Patton skinned offenders for relatively minor infractions in discipline. Patton believed that profanity was the most convincing medium of communication to his troops. But while some chuckled delightedly over the famed expletives he employed with startling originality, the majority, it seemed to me, were more often shocked and offended. At times I felt like Patton, however successful he was as a corps commander, had not learned to command himself. The techniques of command vary, of course, with the personality of the commander. While some men prefer to lead by suggestion and example and other methods, Patton chose to drive his subordinates by bombast and by threats. Those mannerisms achieved spectacular results. But they were not calculated to win affection among his officers or men.
** Omar N. Bradley, ''A Soldier's Story'' (1951), p. 52

* The September restrictions that we had applied to operations of the Third Army were more confining than those with which we later jacketed Hodges. To a man who abhorred defensive warfare with the scorn of George Patton, the shutdown came as a bitter and crushing blow. Until he died Patton never recanted on his contention that had priority in supply been given him instead of Monty and Hodges, Third Army could have broken through the Star defenses to the Rhine. At the same time Monty's proposal that Third Army be halted permanently on the Moselle while he tramped on to Berlin did nothing to appease Patton's unconcealed dislike for the British field marshal. Complete inactivity, however, proved too much to expect of Patton.
** Omar N. Bradley, ''A Soldier's Story'' (1951), p. 427

* During this period Patton was uneasy and fretful; he padded about his Army like a caged tiger. When a corps commander whom he had disliked as a result of some earlier altercation bivouacked his command in the Third Army sector, George stomped over to the CP for a preliminary inspection. The more he saw of the new headquarters the angrier he became. While making his way through the schoolhouse CP, George tripped over the inert form of a dozing GI. Awakened by Patton's boot in his side, the soldier spluttered in the darkness. &quot;Dammit you blockhead, watch your step. Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?&quot; Patton caught his breath and roared, &quot;Well you're the first silly sonuvabitch around this place that knows what he's trying to do.&quot;
** Omar N. Bradley, ''A Soldier's Story'' (1951), p. 427-428

* During the same period that Eisenhower was developing his affinity for history, a young blond-haired cadet at West Point by the name of George S. Patton, Jr., was similarly engrossed in the study of history and its consequences. Although the two could not have been more disparate in temperament, Patton's own childhood education in Southern California was dominated by a corresponding passion for history that was the centerpiece of his intellectual life. Like Eisenhower, Patton was tutored on the Bible and could recite passages from memory by the hour. The two studied the same commanders of antiquity but drew different conclusions. In a small black notebook Patton recorded his thoughts, and throughout his colorful military career constantly drew historical parallels to the situation he faced. His frequent exhortation to his soldiers was, &quot;To be a successful soldier you must know history,&quot; while Eisenhower regarded the study and practice of history as not only an essential means of learning about war but as the study of the triumph of good over evil. Patton rated the commanders of history by what they accomplished with the forces at their disposal. The &quot;black hats&quot; were those who, in Patton's judgment, failed to measure up or who displayed weakness. Eisenhower never had a great deal to say about Alexander the Great, while Patton scorned him because &quot;in a fit of drunkenness [he] took his own life and his empire fell to pieces.&quot;
** Carlo D'Este, ''Eisenhower: A Soldier's Life'' (2002), p. 45-46

* Patton is indispensable to the war effort – one of the guarantors of our victory.
** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], as quoted in ''Patton: A Genius for War'' (1995) by Carlo D'Este, p. 536

* '''A [[great]] [[leader]] for exploiting a mobile situation.'''
** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], as quoted in ''The Prize : The Epic Quest for Oil, Money &amp; Power'' (2008) by Daniel Yergin, p. 367

* Patton was convinced that a confrontation with the Soviet Union was bound to come to a head, and he knew the American army was at present superior- his Third Army alone contained nearly half a million combat veterans. &quot;We could beat hell out of them,&quot; Patton announced. To a visiting undersecretary of war Patton strongly recommended that the administration not break up the American army at the conclusion of the war in Europe but leave it in place in case the Communists threatened to overrun all of Europe. When the horrified diplomat responded, &quot;You don't realize the strength of these people,&quot; Patton scoffed that with the kind of fighting he could give them the Russians might be able to defend themselves up to five days or a week. &quot;After that... if you wanted Moscow, I could give it to you.&quot;
** Winston Groom, ''The Generals: Patton, MacArthur, Marshall, and the Winning of World War II'' (2015), p. 394-395

* Germany surrendered, unconditionally, at a minute past midnight, May 8, 1945. By that date Third Army had inflicted 1,486,000 casualties on the Germans, including 144,500 killed, at a cost to themselves of 136,865 casualties, with 21,441 killed in action. According to Colonel Harkins, the Third Army had &quot;gone farther, captured more prisoners, liberated more friendly territory, and captured more enemy territory, than any army ever before in American history.&quot; George Patton was the man of the hour and the darling of most of the press.
** Winston Groom, ''The Generals: Patton, MacArthur, Marshall, and the Winning of World War II'' (2015), p. 395

* At yet another press conference, Patton was asked whether SS prisoners would be treated differently from other German soldiers and made this reply: &quot;Hell, no, SS means no more in Germany than being a Democrat [does] in America- that is not to be quoted.&quot; But the remark ''was'' quoted, and Patton's final self-destruction was set in motion.
** Winston Groom, ''The Generals: Patton, MacArthur, Marshall, and the Winning of World War II'' (2015), p. 395

* That Eisenhower knew Patton so well, and inhabited a common universe of tactical discourse with him, was one of the more fortunate circumstances of the war. Eisenhower, as a stranger might not have been able to, could see Patton's strength and understand his weakness, preserving him from the consequences of his loudmouth indiscretions for the performance of tasks that no one else could carry out so well as he. We are the better off for that, by many lives and many victories Patton spared others the burden of winning (the present author was a minute quantity among that multitude), and we have Eisenhower to thank. Behind Patton's blood and guts personality was an absolute professional, one of the most competent army commanders our side put into the field; the Germans were painstaking in their analysis of the leaders who faced them in battle, and Patton was the only Anglo-American who seriously troubled them. They could never predict what he was going to do next. Yet it was not in him to accept Eisenhower's magnanimity with good grace; Patton's diaries and letters to his wife reveal his discomfort in references to Eisenhower as &quot;Divine Destiny&quot; and in reflections on how much better the war would be fought if he and not Eisenhower were supreme commander.
** Eric Larrabee, ''Commander in Chief: Franklin Delano Roosevelt, His Lieutenants, and Their War'' (1987), p. 417

* The [[Omar Bradley|Bradley]] name gets heavy billing on a picture of [a] comrade that, while not caricature, is the likeness of a victorious, glory-seeking buffoon … '''Patton in the flesh was an enigma. He so stays in the film.''' … [[Napoleon]] once said that the art of the general is not strategy but knowing how to mold human nature … Maybe that is all producer Frank McCarthy and Gen. Bradley, his chief advisor, are trying to say.
** [[w:S. L. A. Marshall|S. L. A. Marshall]], on Patton and his portrayal in [[Patton (film)|''Patton'' (1970)]], in &quot;Great Georgie Redone&quot;, in ''The Charleston Gazette'' (21 March 1970), § 4. p. 4

* '''If you're a leader, you don't push wet spaghetti, you pull it.''' The U.S. Army still has to learn that. The British understand it. [[w:George S. Patton|Patton]] understood it. '''I always admired Patton.''' Oh, sure, the stupid bastard was crazy. He was insane. He thought he was living in the Dark Ages. '''Soldiers were peasants to him. I didn't like that attitude, but I certainly respected his theories and the techniques he used to get his men out of their foxholes.'''
** [[Bill Mauldin]], in ''The Brass Ring'' (1971)

* '''Lincoln's remark after they got after Grant comes to mind when I think of Patton – 'I can't spare this man, he fights'.'''
** John J. McCloy, as quoted ''Eisenhower: A Soldier's Life'' (2002) by Carlo D'Este, p. 442. McCloy said this to Eisenhower while he was Assistant Secretary of War during World War II.

* The end had finally come for our four all-stars, the greatest group of soldiers to ever serve together in the United States Army, maybe any army, any time. Of the four, George Patton was probably the most gifted pure warrior, although Douglas MacArthur would undoubtedly dispute this claim. Unlike the others, Patton truly loved war, believed he had been fighting them since the time of Caesar, and likely died happily thinking he would be fighting them long into the future. In between, Patton spent his life preparing to fight, and was ready when America needed him, almost the perfect combat general to wage all-out warfare- his mask of command sufficiently awe-inspiring and magnetic enough to induce hundreds of thousands to self-organize around him and become his terrible swift sword. But like some other great actors, his signature role left him typecast and the future held no parts for him. George Patton and the Cold War's gridlock were antithetical, and should he have somehow drifted into politics, a logical enough alliance with Joseph McCarthy is not something America needed. Better he exited the stage when he did.
** Robert L. O'Connell, ''Team America: Patton, MacArthur, Marshall, Eisenhower, and the World They Forged'' (2022). New York: HarperCollins Publishers, p. 483

* I went home and stayed at Green Meadows. A couple of days later we all went up to Boston and the aircraft landed. I'll never forget it. My dad got out of the aircraft and he really looked super; he was fifty-nine years old at the time. WIth him in the aircraft were a couple of division commanders, including John W. O'Daniel, who had lost his son in the Normandy invasion and who later became my commanding general at the Infantry School at Fort Benning when I went through the basic officers course in 1946. Also aboard was Leon Johnson [USAF], who had been awarded the Medal of Honor for the Ploesti Raid, followed by eight or nine noncoms, not one of whom was wearing less than a Silver Star. All of this was followed by a ticker-tape parade through Boston. That evening my father spoke at the Shell on the Esplanade in Boston. We came home that night quite late and the next morning he came upstairs and woke me up and said we were going for breakfast. I ate breakfast with him and then I got on a train and went back to West Point. It was the last time I ever saw him.
** George S. Patton, IV, as quoted in ''The Fighting Pattons'' (1997) by Brian M. Sobel, p. 33

* In Tunisia the Americans had to pay a stiff price for their experience, but it brought rich dividends. Even at that time, the American generals showed themselves to be very advanced in the tactical handling of their forces, although '''we had to wait until the Patton Army in France to see the most astonishing achievements in mobile warfare.'''
** [[Erwin Rommel]], as quoted in ''The Rommel Papers'' (1953) edited by Sir [[w:Basil Henry Liddell Hart|Basil Henry Liddell Hart]], Ch. 23 : The Sky Has Grown Dark, p. 523

* I don't think he should have been characterized as the insane show-off that 20th Century-Fox wanted to make him- which I resisted down the line. He had many admirable qualities: duty, honor, country and so forth instilled in those men. The most admirable quality about him was- I have to be so precise in wording this- that he disapproved of taking casualties. Almost fanatical disapproval, and coupled with that, his intense desire to inflict casualties on the enemy.
** George C. Scott, who portrayed Patton in the 1970 [[Patton (film)|film of the same name]], as quoted in ''The Fighting Pattons'' (1997) by Brian M. Sobel, p. 136

* '''The decision to weigh Lieut. Gen. Patton's great services to his country, in [[World War I]] and [[World War II]], from these shores to Casablanca and through Tunisia to triumph in Sicily, on the one hand, against an indefensible act on the other, was Gen. Eisenhower's.''' &lt;br /&gt; As his report shows, General Eisenhower in making his decision also considered the value to our country of General Patton's aggressive, winning leadership in the bitter battles which are to come before final victory. '''I am confident that you will agree with me that Gen. Eisenhower's decision, under these difficult circumstances, was right and proper.'''
** [[Henry L. Stimson]], in his report to the U.S. Senate on the [[w:George S. Patton slapping incidents|George S. Patton slapping incidents]], supporting Eisenhower's decision to retain Patton's services in the European theatre of WWII (November 1943).

* I frequently had dinner with Patton and his staff. Over a little wine or other stimulant he always became a most interesting and provocative talker who elicited information from others by encouraging them to give their real views and opinions. Emotional, and with tremendous capacity for dynamic action, Patton was an unusual type of military man who was not only physically courageous but also possessed the rare quality which the Germans call &quot;civil courage.&quot; He dared speak his mind and act accordingly to his convictions. The American people were given a picture of him only as a swashbuckling, intrepid combat leader; but he had a scholarly bent and a profound knowledge of strategy, tactics and military and political techniques. He had studied the campaigns of von Schlieffen and Frederick the Great and was more interested in them than in Napoleon's campaigns, which were more familiar to most American staff officers.
** Albert C. Wedemeyer, ''Wedemeyer Reports!'' (1958), p. 222

* I first met George S. Patton, Jr., before World War II when he was a lieutenant colonel at Fort Sill, and in North Africa, when he was a general, I saw him often. Almost every day he would head for the front, standing erect in his jeep, helmet and brass shining, a pistol on each hip, a siren blaring. For the return trip, either a light plane would pick him up or he would sit huddled, unrecognizable, in the jeep in his raincoat. His image with the troops was foremost with General Patton, and that meant always going forward, never backward. General Patton had two fetishes that to my mind did little for his image with the troops. First, he apparently loathed the olive drab wool cap that the soldier wore under his helmet for warmth and insisted that it be covered; woe be the soldier whom the general caught wearing the cap without the helmet. Second, he insisted that every soldier under his command always wear a necktie with shirt collar buttoned, even in combat action.
** [[William Westmoreland]], in his memoirs ''A Soldier Reports'' (1976), p. 21.

* At the 9th Division headquarters at El Guettar, Tunisia, enemy planes bombed and strafed incessantly, so that the security normally associated with a headquarters in the rear was missing. Although officers and men alike dug deep, even in foxholes they could get little sleep. One day a small convoy of vehicles arrived, sirens alive, Patton standing in the lead vehicle. While the division commander, Major General Manton Eddy, rushed to greet him, the staff pondered what fault Patton would find this time. &quot;Manton, Goddamn it,&quot; Patton shouted in his high-pitched voice, &quot;I want you to get these staff officers out front and get them shot at!&quot; Having been bombarded day and night by enemy planes, having had no sleep for days, a young personnel officer went berserk and had to be evacuated for medical treatment.
** [[William Westmoreland]], in his memoirs ''A Soldier Reports'' (1976), p. 21.

* Several weeks before General Patton died in a command car accident in 1945, he visited my headquarters at Ingolstadt. Over lunch he remarked on a recent visit he had made to the United States where the press had castigated him for referring to the Nazis as a political party &quot;like Republicans or Democrats&quot;. &quot;Westy,&quot; he told me solemnly, &quot;don't forget when you return to the States, be careful what you say. No matter what, they'll put it in the newspapers.&quot; It seemed remote advice at the time for a young, inauspicious colonel, but I was to have ample reason in later years to reflect on his counsel.
** [[William Westmoreland]], in his memoirs ''A Soldier Reports'' (1976), p. 22.

* On a cold December 9th in 1945 Germany, legendary American general George S. Patton was injured in a strange auto &quot;accident&quot; on a road outside Mannheim, near the Rhine River. The opinionated anticommunist died twelve days later. Today, the evidence that he was murdered -- the first in a line of postwar political assassinations including that of President John F. Kennedy -- is mounting.
** [https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2012/11/the_mysterious_death_of_gen_george_s_patton.html The Mysterious Death of Gen. George S. Patton], [[W:American Thinker|American Thinker]], November 22, 2012, Robert K. Wilcox

* On the other hand, Patton, whose eccentricities were as marked as MacArthur's or Montgomery's and far more flamboyant, did not provoke the same resentment. His behavior made him unpopular in high places, but he was not suspect as an autocrat. The 'tough guy' pose which he adopted in public (complete with ivory-handled revolver in open holster) was warm and familiar, in the best tradition of the 'Wild West'. Although he liked to pretend that he was hard-boiled, he was in fact intensely emotional and soft-hearted. When deeply moved, he readily gave way to tears. Moreover, in all his posturing he conveyed the impression that he was showing off his personal toughness, rather than his professional authority. High-handed though his behavior often was, he commanded in the American manner, debating his plans with his staff in daily conference as a 'democratic' general should, and abiding by the rule, &quot;Never tell people ''how'' to do things, tell them ''what'' to do, and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.&quot;
** Chester Wilmot, ''The Struggle for Europe'' (1952), p. 465-466

* Successful leaders must be highly visible, if for no other reason than to share the hardships of their men. I am thinking of General George Patton, who made a habit of always visiting the front lines in his jeep or tank. When he returned to his field headquarters, he normally altered his mode of transportation to an airplane to avoid having his men see him moving back.
** Richard Winters, in his book ''Beyond Band of Brothers: The War Memoirs of Major Dick Winters'' (2006), p. 286

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
*[http://www.pattonhq.com/homeghq.html The Patton Society Homepage]
**[http://www.pattonhq.com/unknown/chap08.html Patton Society Page on the slapping incidents]
**[http://www.pattonhq.com/speech.html Patton's Speech on June 5, 1944]
*[http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/2WWpatton.htm On Spartacus Schoolnet]
*[http://www.generalpatton.org/ Patton Museum of Cavalry and Armor]

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[[File:Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|I don't do it for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form.]]
[[File:Trump CPAC (Improved).jpg|thumb|What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.]]

'''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald John Trump]]''' (born [[June 14]], [[1946]]) is an American [[w:Political career of Donald Trump|politician]], [[w:Media career of Donald Trump|media personality]], and [[w:Business career of Donald Trump|businessman]] who served as the [[w:List of presidents of the United States|45th]] [[President of the United States|president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]] from 2017 to 2021.

:See also:
::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]'''''
::'''''[[Presidency of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Racial views of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Trumpism]]'''''

==Quotes==
===1980s===
* '''Rona Barrett''': If you lost your fortune today, what would you do tomorrow?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Maybe I’d run for president.  I don’t know.  
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': Would you like to be the President of the United States?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I really don't believe I would, Rona. But I would like to see somebody as the president who could do the fucking job, and there are very capable people in this country.&lt;br&gt;'''Barrett''': Why wouldn't you dedicate yourself to public service?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because I think it's a very mean life. I would love, and I would dedicate my life to this country but I see it as being a mean life, and I also see it in somebody with strong views, and somebody with the kind of views that are maybe a little bit unpopular, which may be right, but may be unpopular, wouldn't necessarily have a chance of getting elected against somebody with no great brain but a big smile.
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': How would you like to be remembered?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Well, as somebody that’s contributed something to the United States and to the City of New York, and to the various other places that I’m going, and somebody that’s done a little bit better than other people at what he does. 
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* I said, 'I will build you this incredible, gorgeous, gleaming hotel. I will put people to work in the construction trades and save hotel [[jobs]] and the Grand Central area will come around.' So the city made the deal.
** {{citation
|title=The Empire and Ego of Donald Trump
|journal=New York Times
|date=1983-08-07
|first=Marilyn
|last=Bender
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/1983/08/07/business/the-empire-and-ego-of-donald-trump.html
}}

* &quot;Give them the old Trump bullshit,&quot; he told the architect Der Scutt before a presentation of the Trump Tower design at a press conference in 1980. &quot;Tell them it is going to be a million square feet, sixty-eight stories.&quot;
** 'After the Gold Rush', in [[w:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]], by [[Marie Brenner]], September 1, 1990

* Some people have an ability to [[negotiate]]. It's an [[art]] you're basically born with. You either have it or you don't.
* It would take an hour-and-a-half to learn everything there is to learn about missiles. I think I know most of it anyway. You're talking about just getting updated on a situation
** {{citation
|title=Donald Trump, Holding All The Cards The Tower! The Team! The Money! The Future!
|journal=Washington Post
|date=1984-11-15
|first=Lois
|last=Romano
|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/archive/lifestyle/1984/11/15/donald-trump-holding-all-the-cards-the-tower-the-team-the-money-the-future/8be79254-7793-4812-a153-f2b88e81fa54/?resType=accessibility
}}, talking about his desire to be involved in negotiations with the then Soviet Union

* I have featured and will always continue to feature my name prominently in all my enterprises.
**''[[w:Business Week|Business Week]]'' (22 July 1985)

* I look at things for the art sake and the beauty sake and for the deal sake.
**''[[w:New York (magazine)|New York]]'' (11 July 1988), p. 24

* I'm not big on compromise. I understand compromise. Sometimes compromise is the right answer, but oftentimes compromise is the equivalent of defeat, and I don't like being defeated.
**''[[w:Life (magazine)|Life]]'', Vol. 12 (January 1989), p. iii

* [[Ed Koch|Mayor Koch]] has stated that hate and rancor should be removed from our hearts. I do not think so.
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the [[w:New York Daily News|''New York Daily News'']] and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (1 May 1989)

* How can [[w:Society of the United States|our great society]] tolerate the continued brutalization of [[w:Citizenship of the United States|its citizens]] by crazed misfits? [[w:Crime in the United States|Criminals]] must be told that their [[w:Civil liberties in the United States|CIVIL LIBERTIES]] END WHEN AN ATTACK ON OUR SAFETY BEGINS!
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the ''New York Daily News'' and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (1 May 1989)

* Let [[w:Politics of the United States|our politicians]] give back our [[w:New York City Police Department|police department]]'s power to keep us safe. Unshackle them from the constant chant of &quot;[[w:Police brutality in the United States|police brutality]]&quot; which every [[w:Misdemeanor|petty criminal]] hurls immediately at an officer who has just risked his or her life to save another's.
** [http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the New York Daily News and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (1 May 1989)

* Of course I hate these people and let's all hate these people because maybe hate is what we need if we're gonna get something done.
** In [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/trump-larry-king-central-park-five/index.html 1989 interview] with {{W|Larry King}}, about the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (who had, as was later discovered, been wrongfully convicted)

* I like to hire people that I've seen in action. I often hire people that were on the opposing side of a deal that I respect.
**''[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'' (23 September 1989), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 25

* I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it's literally going to cease to exist.
**''[[w:Playboy (magazine)|Playboy]]'', March 1990

====''[[wikipedia:Trump: The Art of the Deal|Trump: The Art of the Deal]]'' (1987)====
: &lt;small&gt;Quotes from ''Trump: The Art of the Deal'' (1987) by Donald J. Trump with [[Tony Schwartz (author)|Tony Schwartz]].&lt;/small&gt;

* I don't do it for the [[money]]. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever [[need]]. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. That's how I get my kicks.
** p. 1

* I try to [[learn]] from the [[past]], but I plan for the [[future]] by focusing exclusively on the [[present]].
** p. 2

* Sometimes it pays to be a little wild.
** p. 5

* Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you're generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that '''sometimes your best [[investments]] are the ones you don't make.'''
** p. 28

* My [[philosophy]] is always to hire the best from the best.
** p. 31

* Deal-making is an ability you're born with. It's in the genes.
** p. 45

* I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple: if you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning. And that gives people like me a great advantage.
** p. 46

* I wasn't [[satisfied]] just to earn a good living. I was looking to make a statement.
** p. 47

* People think I'm a [[gambler]]. I've never gambled in my life. To me, a gambler is someone who plays slot machines. I prefer to own slot machines. It's a very good [[business]] being the house.
** p. 48

* The point is that you can't be too [[Greed|greedy]].
** p. 48

* I'm a great believer in [[asking]] everyone for an [[opinion]] before I make a [[decision]]. ... I ask and I ask and I ask, until I begin to get a gut feeling about something. And that's when I make a decision. I have learned much more from conducting my own random surveys than I could ever have learned from the greatest of consulting firms.
** pp. 51–52

* The worst thing you can possibly do in a deal is seem desperate to make it. That makes the other guy smell blood, and then you're dead. The best thing you can do is deal from strength, and leverage is the biggest strength you can have. Leverage is having something the other guy wants. Or better yet, needs. Or best of all, simply can't do without. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case, which is why leverage often requires imagination, and salesmanship.
** p. 53

* The final key to the way I promote is bravado. I play to people's fantasies. People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by those who do. That's why a little hyperbole never hurts. People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular. I call it truthful hyperbole. It's an innocent form of exaggeration—and a very effective form of promotion.
** p. 58

* My experience is that if you're fighting for something you believe in—even if it means alienating some people along the way—things usually work out for the best in the end.
** p. 59

* One of the problems when you become successful is that jealousy and envy inevitably follow. There are people—I categorize them as life's losers—who get their sense of accomplishment and achievement from trying to stop others. As far as I'm concerned, if they had any real ability they wouldn't be fighting me, they'd be doing something constructive themselves.
** p. 59

* '''You can't con people, at least not for long. You can create excitement, you can do wonderful promotion and get all kinds of press, and you can throw in a little hyperbole. But if you don't deliver the goods, people will eventually catch on.'''
** p. 60

[[File:Trump_1987.jpg|thumb|205x205px|Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.]]
* '''[[Money]] was never a big [[motivation]] for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the [[game]].'''
** p. 63

* Get in, get it done, get it done right, and get out.
** p. 65

* The most important thing in life is to [[love]] what you're doing, because that's the only way you'll ever be really good at it.
** p. 67

* You can't be [[scared]]. You do your thing, you hold your ground, you stand up tall, and whatever happens, happens.
** p. 89

* [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|My own mother]] was a housewife all her life. And yet it's turned out that I've hired a lot of [[women]] for top jobs, and they've been among my best people. Often, in fact, they are far more effective than the [[men]] around them.
** p. 173

* In the end, you're measured not by how much you undertake but by what you finally accomplish.
** p. 355

* What I admire most are people who put themselves directly on the line.
** p. 367

* In my life, there are two things I've found I'm very good at: overcoming obstacles and motivating good people to do their best work.
** p. 367

===1990s===
[[File:Universal_health_care.svg|thumb|I'm very [[liberal]] when it comes to [[health care]]. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.]]
[[File:Goddess_of_Democracy_at_UBC.jpg|thumb|When the students poured into Tiananmen Square, the Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but [[w:Tiananmen Square protests of 1989|they put it down with strength]]. That shows you the power of strength.]]
* What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 3

*She turned out to be the wife of a man who was then the prime minister of a major country. I'd heard stories about this lady, but I never thought much of them until that night. We met at the house of the friend who'd phoned me. After we'd all chatted for a while in the living room, the four of us who already knew each other drifted out to the kitchen, leaving Ben and Madame X in the living room to get better acquainted. Which they did. In fact, when we drifted back in, about ten minutes later, she and Ben were involved in an incredibly torrid scene on the couch. I remember standing there and thinking to myself, &quot;Well, Donald, you're not in Queens anymore.&quot;
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 52

* &quot;When a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left,&quot; he told me.
** {{citation |date=1990-09-01|title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} by [[Marie Brenner]]

* &quot;I want five children, like in my own family, because with five, then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me,&quot; Donald told a close friend.
** {{citation |date=1990-09-01 |author=Marie Brenner |title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}}

* Very good question. (pause) I don't think it's a sin but I don't think it should be done.
** in response to the question, &quot;Is [[adultery]] a sin.&quot;
** in the ''[[New York Post]]'', February 23, 1990, as [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/30/donald-trump-in-1990-adultery-is-not-a-sin.html archived at ''the Daily Beast'']

* [[Leona Helmsley]] is a truly evil human being. She treated employees worse than any human being I've ever witnessed and I've dealt with some of the toughest human beings alive.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}

* When [[1989 Tiananmen Square protests|the students poured into Tiananmen Square]], the {{w|Chinese government}} almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength. That shows you the power of strength.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Bury Trump in a Landslide |periodical={{w|New York Daily News}} |url=http://interactive.nydailynews.com/2016/10/daily-news-editorial-bury-trump-in-landslide/}}

* I said to the [[bankers]], &quot;Listen, fellows, if I have a problem, then you have a problem. We have to find a way out or it's going to be a difficult time for both of us.&quot;
** ''Fortune'' (13 August 1990), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 44
** Cf. [[J. Paul Getty]]: &quot;If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.&quot;

* You know, it doesn't really matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass.
** [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a24057/donald-trump-presidential-run-2016-072913/ Esquire Interview] (1991)

* You have to treat 'em [women] like s--- {{sic}}
** Reported in {{cite news |title=Fighting Back: Trump Scrambles off the Canvas |first=Julie |last=Baumgold |work=New York |volume=25 |number=44 |date=1992-11-09 |page=43 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BeUCAAAAMBAJ&amp;q=%22trump+is+talking+about+women+and+says%22#v=snippet&amp;q=%22trump%20is%20talking%20about%20women%20and%20says%22&amp;f=false}}. Bowdlerization in the original.

* Wow! Just think — in a couple of years I'll be dating you.
** to two 14-year-old girls in 1992
** from the {{w|Chicago Tribune}}, as archived at [http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/10/13/in_1992_trump_told_two_14_year_old_girls_in_a_couple_of_years_i_ll_be_dating.html Slate]

* He's a good guy, and he's not going to hurt anybody. . . . He treated his wife well and . . . he will treat Marla well.
:Actresses, people that you write about just call to see if they can go out with him and things.
:I mean, he's living with Marla and he's got three other girlfriends.
:He does things for himself. When he makes a decision, that will be a very lucky woman.
:* Speaking about himself under the pseudonym of [[w:Pseudonyms of Donald Trump#&quot;John Miller&quot; (1991)|John Miller]] in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl a 1991 interview with a ''People'' reporter], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself], Washington Post 

* I'm gonna be dating her in ten years.
** of a 10-year-old girl, in 1992
** {{citation |date=2016-10-13 |author=Emily Schultheis |title=More allegations, questionable Trump comments on women surface |periodical=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-unearthed-footage-trump-says-of-10-year-old-i-am-going-to-be-dating-her-in-10-years/}}

* '''Howard Stern''': So, you treat women with respect?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Uh, I can't say that either.&lt;br&gt;'''Stern''': Alright, good.
** An interview on ''[[w:The Howard Stern Show|The Howard Stern Show]]'', 1993

* You know, if you’re young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam—it’s called the dating game... Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1993, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

*I am not a {{w|law enforcement officer}}. I am not supposed to be going around checking {{w|Indian reservation}}s. That is what you have [[w:Federal Bureau of Investigation#Indian reservations|the FBI for]], and they are very capable, the most capable.
**Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, October 5, 1993: In ''Implementation of Indian Gaming Regulatory Act: Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, One Hundred Third Congress ... Public Law 100-497, the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988'', Part 5, page 187

* Well, I think that she's got a lot of [[w:Marla Maples|Marla]] [Maples, Trump's second wife], she's a really beautiful baby, and she's got Marla's legs. We don't know whether she's got this part yet [gestures toward own chest], but time will tell...
** [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/04/06/video_donald_trump_on_his_one_year_old_daughter_s_brests.html On his then-one year old daughter Tiffany], ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'', 1994

* I'm [[w:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]], and even very [[conservative]]. But I'm quite [[w:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] and getting much more [[w:Healthcare reform debate in the United States#Liberal arguments|liberal on health care]] and other things. I really say: What's the purpose of a country if you're not going to have defensive and [[health care]]? If you can't take care of your sick in the country, forget it, it's all over. I mean, it's no good. So I'm very liberal when it comes to health care. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/10/08/trump.transcript/ Interview with Larry King] ''CNN'' (October 1999)

* Let's make a deal; if you promise not to get &quot;personal&quot; with me, I will promise not to show you as the crude, fat and obnoxious slob which everyone knows you are. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump.
** [http://www.palmbeachdailynews.com/lifestyles/before-twitter-name-calling-letter-from-donald-trump/KaGSV40cQnefESyXhe5CuN/ Letter to journalist Shannon Donnelly], 1996

*“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider”
**speaking of having [[sex]] and referring to women's genitals as “potential landmines”.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1997, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

* I surround myself with the best people. I know the best people.
** On an interview (1999 November 26)

* The part of my life I think I'm most disappointed in is that I have not had the great marriage. And I would have thought that would have happened, because I came from a home—you know, it's not like some of my [[Friend|friends]], they get divorced, but their parents were divorced twice or three times. I came from a home where marriage was just incredible. I mean, my parents truly loved each other.
** ''Good Morning America'' (2 December 1999), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 46

* I'm on the conservative side, but [[Pat Buchanan|[Pat] Buchanan]] is [[Attila]] the Hun.
** As quoted in  ''Selected Quotes from Newsweek Magazine, 1999'' — {{cite web |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20001015150910/http://www.sph.umich.edu/~rwatt/old_nw3.htm |title=Richard Watanabe - Newsweek Quotes, 1999 |publisher=Sph.umich.edu |date= |accessdate=2010-06-13}}

* People want me to [run for president] all the time … I don't like it. Can you imagine how controversial I'd be? You think about him ''[Bill Clinton]'' and the women. How about me with the women? Can you imagine?
** On ''{{W|Hardball with Chris Matthews}}'', as quoted in {{citation |date=1999-07-12 |author=Deborah Orin |title=Trump ‘toys’ with prez run |periodical={{w|New York Post}} |url=http://nypost.com/1999/07/12/trump-toys-with-prez-run}}

===2000===
* I generally oppose [[w:Gun control in the United States|gun control]], but I support the ban on [[assault weapon]]s.
**{{cite book |title=[[w:The America We Deserve|The America We Deserve]] |authorlink1=w:Donald Trump |first1=Donald |last1=Trump |first2=Dave |last2=Shiflett |year=2000 |publisher=[[w:Renaissance Books|Renaissance Books]] |isbn=1580631312}}; {{cite news |title=Trump's Evolving Positions on Gun Issues |first1=Linda |last1=Qiu |first2=Kitty |last2=Bennett |date=March 12, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |accessdate=September 6, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/12/us/politics/trump-evolving-positions-gun-issues.html}}

* So the [[wikipedia:Reform Party of the United States of America|Reform Party]] now includes a Klansman, Mr. [[David Duke|Duke]], a [[neo-Nazi]], Mr. Buchanan, and a [[communist]], [[w:Lenora Fulani|Ms. Fulani]]. This is not company I wish to keep.
** As quoted in {{cite news |last= |first= |date=14 February 2000 |title=QUOTATION OF THE DAY |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2000/02/14/nyregion/quotation-of-the-day-815233.html |newspaper=The New York Times |location= |access-date= }}&lt;!--{{cite news |last1=Kaczynski  |first1=Andrew |last2=Massie| first2=Christopher |date= Aug. 26, 2015, at 11:27 p.m. |title=Top Racists And Neo-Nazis Back Donald Trump |url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/meet-the-prominent-white-nationalists-fired-up-to-support-do#.vuV8WvAdp |newspaper=BuzzFeed News |location= |access-date= }}--&gt;

* I judge people based on their capability, honesty, and merit.
** [https://books.google.com/books?id=smMEAAAAMBAJ&amp;pg=PA23&amp;dq=%22Trump%20towers%22 &quot;Trump towers&quot;], interview with Paul Alexander, ''The Advocate'' (15 February 2000), p. 23

* It's very possible that I could be the first [[w:United States presidential election|presidential candidate]] to run and make money on it.
** Reported by Jerry Useem, [http://fortune.com/2000/04/03/what-does-donald-trump-really-want/ &quot;What Does Donald Trump Really Want?&quot;], ''Fortune'', 3 April 2000.

===2002===
* I think the regulations are very tough, but I think they could be made tougher. And where they really have to be made tougher is when somebody is proven [[w:Unfair business practices|to be dishonest]], not a mistake, not an honest mistake because look, people make bad business deals all the time. When somebody is proven to be dishonest, really harsh punishment has to take place.
**''[[w:Hardball with Chris Matthews|Hardball with Chris Matthews]]'' (15 July 2002), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 23

* '''[[Howard Stern]]''': Are you for [[w:2003 invasion of Iraq|the invasion of Iraq]]?
* '''Donald Trump''': Yeah, I guess so. I wish, uh, I wish [[Gulf War|the first time]] it was done correctly.
** Interview on [[wikipedia:The Howard Stern Show|Howard Stern Show]] (11 September 2002), reported by ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/in-2002-donald-trump-said-he-supported-invading-iraq-on-the? BuzzFeed]'' (19 February 2016)

* I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.
** On [[w:Jeffrey Epstein|Jeffrey Epstein]]. Quoted in ''[https://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/n_7912/ New York]'', 28 October 2002.

* I don't know how you do it. I've put together some really impressive deals, but this thing you've pulled off, it's amazing: a Big N' Tasty for just a dollar. How do you do it? What's your secret? Together Grimace, we could own this town.
** Trump's lines in a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QNXnNftWk McDonald's advert] (2002), quoted in {{citation|date=2019-01-15|author=Rachel Desantis|title=Donald Trump’s lifelong love of fast food, from his 2002 McDonald’s commercial to ‘hamberders’|periodical=New York Daily News|url=https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-donald-trump-has-always-loved-fast-food-20190115-story.html}}

===2003===
* I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways.
** Interview with Norwegian talk show host [[wikipedia:Fredrik Skavlan|Fredrik Skavlan]] in (November 2003).{{fix cite}}&lt;!-- published/quoted where? --&gt;

===2004===
* Now, if your boss is a sadist, then you have a big problem. In that case, fire your boss and get a new job.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004)

* If you don't tell people about your success, they probably won't know about it.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. xiii

* Get going. Move forward. Aim high. Plan for a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 74

* In business—every business—the bottom line is understanding the process. If you don't understand the process, you'll never reap the rewards of the process.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 86

* Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself—anyone who thinks that they do is destined for mediocrity.
** ''Trump: The Way to the Top: The Best Business Advice I Ever Received'' (2004), p. 20

* I don't like firing people. It's not a pleasant thing and it's sad. ... In some cases, it's a terrible, terrible situation for the person who gets fired, how strongly they take it. So it's not something that any rational or sane person can love doing, but it also happens to be a fact of life in business.
** ''Boston Herald'' (7 January 2004), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 16

* People say, &quot;Do you have the same opportunity today as you had years ago?&quot; And I said, &quot;Absolutely.&quot; You always have an opportunity. There's always an opportunity, especially in this country.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0403/21/le.00.html Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer], ''CNN'' (21 March 2004)

* All of the women on [[w:The Apprentice (U.S. TV series)|''The Apprentice'']] flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected.
**[http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/gossip/donald-cuomo-mario-fired-article-1.612165 Ny Daily News] (24 March 2004)

* ''[On &quot;You're fired!&quot;:]'' There's a beauty in those two words. When you utter those words, there's very little that can be said. There's a succinctness to those words.
** {{citation
|title=Trump TV / 'The Apprentice' takes realistic inside look at corporate world
|journal=San Francisco Chronicle
|date=2004-03-28
|first=David
|last=Armstrong
|url=http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Trump-TV-The-Apprentice-takes-realistic-2802491.php
}}

* My life is seeing everything in terms of &quot;How would ''I'' handle that?&quot; '''Look at the war in Iraq and the mess that we're in. I would never have handled it that way.''' Does anybody really believe that Iraq is going to be a wonderful democracy where people are going to run down to the voting box and gently put in their ballot and the winner is happily going to step up to lead the county? C'mon. Two minutes after we leave, there's going to be a [[revolution]], and the meanest, toughest, smartest, most vicious guy will take over. And he'll have [[w:Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], which [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]] didn't have. '''What was the purpose of this whole thing? Hundreds and hundreds of young people killed. And what about the people coming back with no arms and legs? Not to mention the other side. All those Iraqi kids who've been blown to pieces. And it turns out that all of the reasons for the war were blatantly wrong. All this for nothing!'''
** ''Esquire'' magazine (August 2004); [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/interviews/a37230/donald-trump-esquire-cover-story-august-2004/ &quot;Donald Trump: How I'd Run the Country (Better)&quot; (18 August 2015)]

* Pregnancy is &quot;a wonderful thing for the woman, it's a wonderful thing for the husband, it's certainly an inconvenience for a business.&quot;
** About pregnancy (2004)

* The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I’ve been proven right.
** Playboy, 2004 [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/06/14/donald-trump-70-birthday-quotes/85619552/]

* In many cases, I probably identify more as Democrat.  It just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats than the Republicans. Now, it shouldn't be that way. But if you go back, I mean it just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats. ...But certainly we had some very good economies under Democrats, as well as Republicans. But we've had some pretty bad disaster under the Republicans.
** Said in an interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, as quoted by {{citation |title=Trump in '04: 'I probably identify more as Democrat'
| journal=CNN | author=Chris Moody | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/21/politics/donald-trump-election-democrat/index.html }}

===2005===
* I'll go backstage, before a show, and everyone's getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm inspecting it. You know I'm inspecting, I want to make sure everything is good, the dresses, &quot;Is everyone OK?&quot;, you know they're standing there with no clothes, &quot;Is everybody OK?&quot;, and you see these incredible-looking women, and so I sort of get away with things like that.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors. And I wasn't interested.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* I did try and fuck her. She was married. '''I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there.''' And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I've gotta use some [[w:Tic Tacs|Tic Tacs]], just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. '''Just kiss. I don't even wait. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything.'''
** To {{w|Billy Bush}} in 2005; [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/08/us/donald-trump-tape-transcript.html &quot;Transcript: Donald Trump's Taped Comments About Women&quot;], ''The New York Times'' (8 October 2016)

===2006===
* It would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.
** On 7 March 2006 during an appearance on the daytime talk show ''[[w:The View (talk show)|The View]]'' while discussing the possibility of [[Ivanka Trump]]’s posing for ''[[Playboy]]'' magazine. As quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-date-daughter/ Did Donald Trump Say He’d Like to Date His Daughter?]'' by Dan Evon, 10 July 2015, ''{{w|Snopes}}'', and quoted with video clip in {{citation|date=2016-10-10|author=Adam Withnall|title=Donald Trump's unsettling record of comments about his daughter Ivanka|periodical=The Independent|location=UK|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-ivanka-trump-creepiest-most-unsettling-comments-a-roundup-a7353876.html}}

* I thought today's women were independent and had a lot of sexual freedom. ... Well, I guess they fooled me.
** In April 2006, about women's disaproval of {{w|one-night stand}}s. As quoted in ''[https://www.marketwatch.com/story/trump-on-clinton-in-2008-shed-make-a-good-president-2016-07-11 Trump on Clinton in 2008: ‘She'd make a good president']'' (July 11, 2016) by Michael Rothfield and {{w|Mark Maremont}}, ''{{w|MarketWatch}}''.

* '''Jon Ward:''' There's a lot of talk, which you no doubt heard too, about a sort of [[real estate]] bubble. What's your take on that pessimism?
* '''Donald Trump:''' Well, first of all, I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy. 
** ''How to Build a Fortune'' (2006), Trump University audiobook, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-05-19|author=Jeremy Diamond|title=Donald Trump in 2006: I 'sort of hope' real estate market tanks|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/19/politics/donald-trump-2006-hopes-real-estate-market-crashes/index.html}}

* No, I have no age — I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds,
** [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/donald-trump-howard-stern-tapes-women-35_uk_57fa46e1e4b01fa2b904368b Donald Trump Howard Stern Tapes Show Him Saying 35 Is 'Check-Out Time' For Women And Agreeing His Daughter Is A 'Piece Of Ass'] (2006) When asked if he has an age limit for women he'll sleep with.

===2007===
* Since I love what I do, I do it vigorously and I do it better. Because I inject it with enthusiasm and passion, it doesn't feel like work. My passion spills over to everyone around me and motivates them to do their very best.
** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=uuR61zcvMTgC&amp;pg=PA1&amp;lpg=PA1&amp;dq=%22since+I+LOVE+WHAT+I+DO,+I+DO+IT+VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=ko6GrZPr-e&amp;sig=x3zLQ1fWbNJIrx-7M0CzI-zPljg&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjuncTq2OvRAhXCLMAKHTzHDNwQ6AEIGjAA#v=onepage&amp;q=%22since%20I%20LOVE%20WHAT%20I%20DO%2C%20I%20DO%20IT%20VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;f=false Trump 101 The Way to Success]'' (2007), p. 1

* Passion is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long-lasting success. I know this from experience. If you don't have passion, everything you do will ultimately fizzle out or, at best, be mediocre.
** ''Trump 101 The Way to Success'' (2007), p. 2

* [[Iraq War|The war]] is total disaster. It's a catastrophe, nothing less. It is such a shame that this took place. In fact, I gained a lot of respect for our current [[George H. W. Bush|president's father]] by the fact that he had the sense not to go in to [[Iraq]]. He won the war and then said let's not go the rest of the way and he turned out to be right. And [[Saddam Hussein]], whether they like him or didn't like him, he hated [[terrorists]]. He'd shoot and kill terrorists. When terrorists came in to his country, which he did control and he did dominate, he would kill terrorists. Now it's a breeding ground for terrorists. So, look, the war is a total catastrophe...and they have [[w:Sectarian violence in Iraq (2006–08)|a civil war]] going on.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* I make that --- twice now, on a Monday I let returning Iraqi injured [[soldiers]] come to the premises. The most beautiful people I've ever seen. But they're missing arms and legs, they're with their wives, sometimes they're with their girlfriends. And the tears are coming down the faces of these people. I mean, thousands and maybe hundreds of thousands, and [[w:Casualties of the Iraq War#Total Iraqi casualties|the Iraqis that have been just maimed and killed]]. This war is a horrible thing. Now, President Bush says he's [[religious]]. And yet 400,000 people, the way I count it, have died, and probably millions have been badly maimed and injured. What's going on? What's going on? And the day we pull out it's going to explode. We're keeping the lid on a little bit. It's still a catastrophe, but the day we pull out, because they're in a civil war. Whether we want to admit it or not, they're in a civil war.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* [[Hillary Clinton]] I think is a terrific woman. I am biased because I have known her for years. I live in New York. She lives in New York. I really like her and her husband both a lot. I think she really works hard. And I think, again, she's given an agenda, it is not all of her, but I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her.
** 2007 ''CNN'' interview, reported in [[w:Zeke J. Miller|Zeke J. Miller]], &quot;[http://time.com/3962799/donald-trump-hillary-clinton/ When Donald Trump Praised Hillary Clinton]&quot;, ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (July 17, 2015).

* {{w|Trump Steaks}} are the world's greatest steaks, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Treat yourself to the very, very best life has to offer you. And as a gift, Trump Steaks are the best you can give. One bite, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and believe me. I understand steaks, it's my favorite food.
** Lines marking the introduction of Trump Steaks by The Sharper Image (2007)

* Congratulations on being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year' — you definitely deserve it. As you have probably heard, I'm a big fan of yours!
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/revealed-donald-trump-letters-to-vladimir-putin-miss-universe-russia-2020-8?r=US&amp;IR=T Letter to Russian president Vladimir Putin]

===2008===
* They'll walk up, and they'll flip their top, and they'll flip their panties.
** [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-details-sexual-attractions-relationships-radio-interviews/story?id=37190691 Interview on ''The Howard Stern Show''] (2008)

* Hillary Clinton said she'd consider naming [[Barack Obama]] as her vice president when she gets the nomination, but she's nowhere near a shoo-in.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in audio released by the ''Journal''. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* For his part, Obama said he's just focused on winning the nomination although at least one member on his team said Clinton would make a good vice president. Well, I know her and she'd make a good president or good vice president.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in an audio from &quot;Trumped!&quot;, a syndicated radio feature that aired from 2004 to 2008. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* It's very exciting we have a new president. It would have been nice if he ended with a 500 point up instead of down. It's certainly very exciting. His speech was great last night. I thought it was inspiring in every way. And, hopefully he's going to do a great job. But the way I look at it, he cannot do worse [[w:Presidency of George W. Bush|than Bush]].
** [http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/11/06/donald-trump-on-president-elect-obama-cannot-do-worse-than-bush.html &quot;Donald Trump on President-Elect Obama: 'He Cannot Do Worse Than Bush'&quot; Interview with Greta Van Susteren] [[Fox News]] (6 November 2008)

===2009===
* If I'd started in business thinking I knew everything, I'd have been sunk before I started... Never think of learning as being a burden or studying as being boring. It may require some discipline, but it can be an adventure. It can also prepare you for a new beginning.
** ''Think Like a Champion: An Informal Education In Business and Life'' (2009), pp. 16–17

* Without passion, you don't have energy; without energy, you have nothing. [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.]]
** As quoted in ''Social Networking for Authors: Untapped Possibilities for Wealth'' (2009) by Michael Volkin, p. 60

*let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know
**2009 to [[w:Bradley Edwards|Bradley Edwards]] (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) as narrated by Edwards in December 2018 interview, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit]

===2011===
* Part of the [[beauty]] of me is that I am very [[rich]].
** Interview with [[w:Ashleigh Banfield|Ashleigh Banfield]] on ABC's ''[[w:Good Morning America|Good Morning America]]'' (17 March 2011); also in {{citation |date=2011-03-17 |author=Neil King Jr. |title=Trump on 2012: ‘Part of Beauty of Me Is I'm Very Rich’ |periodical=Washington Wire |publisher=Wall Street Journal |url=http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/03/17/trump-on-2012-part-of-beauty-of-me-is-im-very-rich/}}

* They asked [[John McCain]] for his [[w:Birth certificate|birth certificate]]. They've asked others for their birth certificate. They asked Bush for his birth certificate, by the way. I just found out over the weekend. And they would ask me for my birth certificate and by the way, it's sitting on the top of my desk. They give you a certificate of live birth, which anybody can get, just walk into the hospital, and you get a certificate of live birth. It's not even signed by people. Now, this guy either has a birth certificate or he doesn't. And I didn't think this was such a big deal, but I will tell you, it's turning out to be a very big deal because people now are calling me from all over saying, please don't give up on this issue. If you weren't born in this country, [[w:Natural-born-citizen clause|you cannot be president]].
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* So he could have come into the country, and they did it for social reasons they put it in! They did it for whatever reason. There are a lot of reasons you could have put an ad in. But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can't he produce a birth certificate and by the way, there is one story that his family doesn't even know what hospital he was born in!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* I start off every time I talk about [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories#Campaigners and proponents|the birthers]], I start off by saying, and it's very interesting, I was a great student at the best college in the country. You know? I want to let people know. I'm a smart guy. Because what they do to the birthers, and I don't even like the term, the birthers. I think it's unfair to them. These are people that want to see a birth certificate. They want to know that the president was born here!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* Because if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. And, there is a real question. And if this birth certificate exists, you know what I get a kick out of? [[w:Neil Abercrombie|The Governor of Hawaii]] says, &quot;I remember when he was born 50 years ago.&quot; I doubt it. I think this guy should be investigated. I doubt it. He remembers when [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Childhood years|Obama was born]]? Give me a break! He's just trying to do something for [[Democratic Party (United States)|his party]]. The fact is, if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. He is having a hard time — he spent millions of dollars trying to get away from this issue, millions of dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And I'll tell you what, I brought it up just routinely and all of a sudden, a lot of facts are emerging, and I'm starting to wonder myself whether or not he was born in this country.
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* '''Donald Trump''': Meredith, he spent two million dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And if he weren't lying, why wouldn't he just solve it? And I wish he would, because if he doesn't, it's one of the greatest scams in the history of [[politics]], and in the history period. You are not allowed to be a president if you're not born in this country. He may not be born in this country. And I'll tell you what, three weeks ago I thought he was born in this country. Right now, I have some real doubts. I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''': You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''': I mean, in [[Hawaii]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding. I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a ''real'' possibility, I'm not saying it hap— I'm saying it's a ''real'' possibility, much greater than I thought two or three weeks ago, then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics. And beyond politics.
**{{citation
|title=Today
|date=2011-04-07
|publisher=NBC
|medium=Television}}
** regarding Barack Obama
** Two million dollars is the sum of all the Obama presidential campaign's post-election legal expenses.[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/apr/12/donald-trump/donald-trump-claims-obama-has-spent-2-million-lega/]

* '''[[w:David Brody (journalist)|David Brody]]''': [[Radical Islam]]: to [[w:Evangelicalism in the United States|Evangelicals]], this is a bread and butter issue. You said there's a Muslim problem in this country. What do you mean by that exactly? &lt;br&gt; '''Donald Trump''': [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill O'Reilly]] asked me is there a Muslim problem? And I said absolutely, yes. In fact I went a step further. I said I didn't see [[Sweden|Swedish]] people [[September 11 attacks|knocking down the World Trade Center]]. It was very interesting. I thought that was going to be a controversial statement and somebody, I think it was [[Dennis Miller]] introduced me, he was doing like an analysis of me, he said, I love it. The guy said what the truth is. He didn't mince his words. He didn't say, 'Oh, gee, no there's not a Muslim problem, everybody's wonderful.' And by the way, many, many, most Muslims are wonderful people, but is there a Muslim problem? Look what's happening. Look what happened right here in my city with the World Trade Center and lots of other places. So I said it and I thought it was going to be very controversial but actually it was very well received. I think people want the truth. I think they're tired of politicians. They're tired of [[politically correct]] stuff. I mean I could have said, 'Oh absolutely not Bill, there's no Muslim problem, everything is wonderful, just forget about the World Trade Center.' But you have to speak the truth. We're so politically correct that this country is falling apart. &lt;br&gt;'''Brody''': With some evangelicals there are some problems with the teachings of the [[Koran]]. Do you have concerns about the Koran? &lt;br&gt; '''Trump''': Well, I'll tell you what. The Koran is very interesting. A lot of people say it [[w:Religious views on love#Islam|teaches love]] and there is a very big group of people who really understand the Koran far better than I do. I'm certainly not an expert, to put it mildly. But there's something there that teaches some very negative vibe. I mean things are happening, when you look at people blowing up all over the streets that are in some of the countries over in the [[Middle East]], just blowing up a super market with not even soldiers, just people, when 250 people die in a super market that are shopping, where people die in a store or in a street. There's a lot of hatred there that's some place. Now I don't know if that's from the Koran. I don't know if that's from some place else. But there's tremendous hatred out there that I've never seen anything like it. So, you have two views. You have the view that the Koran is all about love and then you have the view that the Koran is, that there's a lot of [[w:Violence in the Quran|hate in the Koran]].
** On [[w:CBN News|CBN News]]' &quot;The Brody File&quot; (12 April 2011) ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWzDAvemJG8 video]) ([http://blogs.cbn.com/thebrodyfile/archive/2011/04/12/brody-file-exclusive-donald-trump-says-something-in-koran-teaches.aspx transcript])

* I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they are huge.
** {{citation
|first=Michael
|last=Scherer
|title=In the presence of Donald Trump
|date=2011-04-11
|journal=Time
|url=http://swampland.time.com/2011/04/14/in-the-presence-of-donald-trump/
|accessdate=2019-10-28}}

* I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Harvard Law School|to Harvard]]? I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records.
** Associated Press interview, 2011-04-25
** {{citation
|first=Lucy
|last=Madison
|title=Trump: How did Obama get into the Ivy League?
|date=2011-04-25
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20057214-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/dnCsg|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[w:Barack Obama#Education|Barack Obama's education]], who graduated from {{w|Columbia University}} in 1983 and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a {{w|Juris doctorate}} from Harvard Law School in 1991

* Today I'm very [[proud]] of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed, while on the helicopter, that our president has finally released a birth certificate. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true, so that we can get on to much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions. He should have done it a long time ago. Why he didn't do it when the Clintons asked for it, why he didn't do it when everyone else was asking for it, I don't know. But I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue. Now, we have to look at it, we have to see, is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.
** press conference, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Trump Questions Obama Birth Certificate
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=TMZ
|url=http://www.tmz.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-barack-obama-birth-certificate-comment-quote/
|accessdate=2011-05-01}}
** Regarding the release of Barack Obama's full birth record from Hawaii that morning

* The word is, according to what I've have read, is that he was a terrible student when he went to [[w:Occidental College|Occidental]]. He then gets to Columbia and then gets to Harvard. I heard at Columbia he was not a very good student, and then he then he gets into Harvard. How do you get into Harvard if you are not a good student? Maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong, but I don't know why he doesn't he release his records. Why doesn't he release his Occidental records?
** press conference, New Hampshire, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Schieffer: Racism underlying Trump's assertions
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20058072-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/ryIny|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[Barack Obama]], who transferred to Columbia from Occidental College in 1981, graduated from Columbia in 1983, and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a Juris doctorate from Harvard Law School in 1991

* It's like in golf. A lot of people — I don't want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.
**{{citation
|title=After Roasting, Trump Reacts In Character
|date=2011-05-01
|journal=New York Times
|first=Michael
|last=Barbaro
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/nyregion/after-roasting-trump-reacts-in-character.html
|accessdate=2011-05-06}}
** on his opposition to [[same-sex marriage]]

* I know the Chinese. I've made a lot of money with the Chinese. I understand the Chinese mind.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2011-05-03 |author=Tony Pierce |title=Donald Trump has read a lot of books on China: 'I understand the Chinese mind' |periodical=Los Angeles Times |url=http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/05/donald-trump-i-understand-the-chinese-mind.html}}, and in {{citation |date=2015-08-24 |author=John Mauldin |title=Playing the Chinese Trump Card |periodical=Forbes |url=http://www.forbes.com/sites/johnmauldin/2015/08/24/playing-the-chinese-trump-card/}}

* I dealt with {{W|Muammar Gaddafi|Gaddafi}}. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land. That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed,' but I screwed him. That's what we should be doing.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2015-07-22 |title=Donald Trump: In his own colourful words |periodical=BBC News |url=http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33619045}}

* She's a slob, she talks like a truck driver.
* If I were running my business, I'd fire Rosie, I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and say, &quot;Rosie, you're fired.&quot;
** On an interview on why he hates [[Rosie O'Donnell]] (28 August 2011)

* Our president will start a war with [[Iran]] because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate.  He is weak and he is ineffective.  So the only way he figures he is going to be reelected and as sure as you are sitting there, is to start a war with Iran.
** A now-deleted video on his YouTube video blog. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |title=Trump repeatedly claimed in 2011 and 2012 that Obama would start a war with Iran to win reelection |author=Andrew Kaczynski |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/01/03/politics/kfile-trump-obama-2012-iran-war-reelection/index.html}}

===2012===
* [[Mitt Romney|Mitt]] is tough. He is smart. He is sharp. He is not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country that we all love. So Gov. Romney, go out and get em. You can do it.
** Quoted in {{citation
    | date = 2012-02-02
    | url = http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57370443-503544/trump-endorses-mitt-romney-for-president/
    | author = Corbett B. Daly 
    | title = Trump endorses Mitt Romney for president
    | periodical = CBS News
}}

* No, I've never ''really'' changed. Nothing's ''changed'' my ''mind''. And by the way, you know, you have a huge group of people — I walk down the street, and people are screaming, &quot;Please don't give that up.&quot;  A lot of people are questioning his birth certificate. They're questioning the authenticity of his birth certificate. I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time. I don't consider myself birther or not birther, but there are some major questions here and the press doesn't wanna cover it. The press just refuses to cover it. Now if that were somebody else, they would be covering it, and they'd be throwing people out of office. But they don't want to cover it. So it's interesting.
** {{citation
 | title = Telephone interview
 | publisher = CNBC
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Donald Trump Goes On Epic Birther Rant
 | newspaper = {{w|The Huffington Post}}
 | author = Melissa Jeltsen
 | url = http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/donald-trump-romney-obama-birther_n_1553074.html
}}

* '''Wolf Blitzer:''' Donald, you're beginning to sound a little ridiculous, I have to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No I think you are, Wolf. Now let me tell you something, I think ''you'' sound ridiculous, and if you'd ask me a question and let me answer it —&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer:''' Here's the question, did the conspiracy start in 1961 where the [[w:Honolulu Star-Bulletin|''Honolulu Star-Bulletin'']] and the [[w:Honolulu Advertiser|''Honolulu Advertiser'']] contemporaneously published announcements that he was born in Hawaii?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' That's right. That's right. And many people put those announcements in because they wanted to get the benefit because of getting so-called born in this country. Many people did it. It was something that was done by many people even though they weren't born in the country. You know and so do I... And so do a lot of your viewers. Although you don't have too many viewers.
* '''Donald Trump''' (clip): I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''' (clip): You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''' (clip): I mean, in Hawaii?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Wolf Blitzer''': All right, tell us what your people who were investigating in Hawaii, what they found.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Oh, we don't have to go into old news. That's ''old'' news.&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer''': Well, what did they find?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': There's been plenty found. You can call many people. You can read many, many articles on the authenticity of the certificate. You can read many articles from just recently as to what the publisher printed in a brochure as to what Obama told him, as to where his place of birth is. And that's fine, Wolf.&lt;br&gt;Now, it's appropriate, I think, that we get to the subject of hand, which is — at hand, which is jobs, which is [[Economy of the United States|the economy]], which is how our country is not doing well at all under this leadership, which is how are we going to do something about energy, which is really that things that I wanted to talk to you about, but you like to keep going back to the place of birth.
** {{citation
 | title = The Situation Room
 | publisher = CNN
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Wolf Blitzer Spars With Donald Trump Over Obama's Birth Certificate
 | author = Elizabeth Flock
 | newspaper = US News &amp; World Report
 | url = http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2012/05/29/wolf-blitzer-spars-with-donald-trump-over-obamas-birth-certificate
}}
** Referring to a 1991 promotional booklet by literary agency Acton &amp; Dystel with bios of 89 authors, that erroneously described Barack Obama as &quot;born in Kenya&quot;.[http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/birthers/booklet.asp]

*@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision.
**28 August 2012 [https://archive.md/PtoCf tweet]

* He [Obama] lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a revolution in this country!
* The phoney [sic] electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!
* More votes equals a loss... revolution!
* This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!
* The electoral college is a disaster for a democracy.
** Tweets on November 6 and 7, 2012, some of which were later deleted. Trump falsely believed Barack Obama had lost the popular vote. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2016/11/15/trumps-flip-flop-on-the-electoral-college-from-disaster-to-genius/ Trump’s flip-flop on the electoral college: From ‘disaster’ to ‘genius’]

* [[Republicans]] didn't have anything going for them with respect to {{w|Latinos}} and with respect to {{w|Asians}}... The [[Democrats]] didn't have a policy for dealing with illegal immigrants, but what they did have going for them is they weren't mean-spirited about it... They didn't know what the policy was, but what they were is they were kind... He had a crazy policy of self deportation which was maniacal... It sounded as bad as it was, and he lost all of the Latino vote... He lost the Asian vote. He lost everybody who is inspired to come into this country... Take care of this incredible problem that we have with respect to immigration, with respect to people wanting to be wonderful productive citizens of this country.
** Interview with Newsmax (November 2012), quoted in {{citation|date=2015-07-10|author=Jim Geraghty|title=Trump 2008: Bush Is Evil, Talk to Iran, Obama Cannot Do Worse Than Bush|periodical=National Review|url=http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty}}

*[climate change was] &quot;created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive&quot;
** said in 2012 according to [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51213003 What does Trump actually believe on climate change?]
*&quot;It doesn't matter who you vote for--it matters who is counting the votes.&quot; Be careful of voter fraud!. Oct 10 2012 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/256063573669855232]

===2013===
* I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high IQ) with strong common sense.
** &quot;[https://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/10/politics/donald-trump-tillerson-iq/index.html Donald Trump's IQ obsession, in 22 quotes]&quot; (April 21, 2021)

* Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/332308211321425920 Tweet 9 May 2013]

* I keep asking, how long will we go on defending [[South Korea]] from [[North Korea]] without payment? South Korea is a very very rich country. They're rich because of us. They sell us [[Television|televisions]], they sell us cars. They sell us everything. They are making a fortune. We have a huge deficit with South Korea. They're friends of mine. I do deals with them. I've been partners with them, no problem. But they think we're stupid. They can't believe it. We are defending them against North Korea, we're doing it for nothing. We're not in that position. When will they start to pay us for this defense? Isn't it really ridiculous when you think of it? They make a fortune on the United States and then they got some problems, and what happens? They call the United States to defend them, and we get nothing?
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=agk9ZCrYol4 &quot;From the Desk of Donald Trump: South Korea&quot;] ''[[w:YouTube|YouTube]]'' (10 April 2013)

* Must be a pretty picture you dropping to your knees.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7NDpHfXTCI &quot; to Brande Roderick, From The Apprentice, Season 6, Episode 1&quot;] (3 March 2013) &lt;!-- ''YouTube'' --&gt; 

* Leadership: whatever happens, you're responsible. If it doesn't happen, you're responsible.
** [https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/398887965302091776 Tweet (8 November 2013)]

* I do have a relationship and I can tell you that he's very interested in what we're doing here today, he's probably very interested in what you and I are saying today, and I'm sure he is going to be seeing it in some form. But I do have a relationship with him, and I think, er, it's very interesting to see what's happened. I mean, look, he's done a very brilliant job in terms of what he represents and who he's representing, if you look at what he's done with Syria, if you look at so many of the different things, he has really eaten our president's lunch, let's not kid ourselves.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/thomas-roberts/watch/trump-discusses-putin-in-2013-734124099973 Trump responding to a question about whether he had a relationship with Vladimir Putin during an interview with MSNBC's Thomas Roberts while visiting Moscow for the Miss Universe competition] (November 2013)

===2014===
* If this doctor, who so recklessly flew into New York from West Africa,has Ebola,then Obama should apologize to the American people &amp; resign!
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Snopes fact check: Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.? (23 Oct)]

===2015===
* There is a way of beating [[Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant|ISIS]] so easily, so quickly, so effectively, and it would be so nice...I know a way that would absolutely give us guaranteed victory...the problem is then everybody will take the idea, run with it and then people will forget where it came from...'''I ran it past two or three people. [It's] so simple. It's like the paper clip.'''
** On his plan to defeat ISIS (May 2015)

* So I said to myself, you know, nobody's ever going to know unless I run, because I'm really proud of my success.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-donald-trump-helped-democrats-pass-obamacare/2015/06/22/002f4c7c-18ea-11e5-ab92-c75ae6ab94b5_story.html Announcement speech] (June 2015)

* '''Donald Trump''': Oh, well, if you look at the statistics, of people coming— I didn't say about Mexic— I say the ''illegal immigrants''— if you look at the statistics on [[rape]], on [[crime]], on everything, coming in illegally into this country, they're mind-boggling. If you go to [[w:Fusion News|Fusion]], you will see a story about 80% of the women coming in– I mean, you have to take a look at these stories. And you know who owns Fusion? [[w:Univision|Univision]]. It was in ''[[w:The Huffington Post|The Huffington Post]]''. I said, let me get some of these articles because I've heard some horrible things. I deal&lt;!--sic--&gt; a lot of talking with people on the border patrol. They're incredible people. They help our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Don Lemon''': But I want some clarification–&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': No, but Don, all you have to do is go to Fusion and pick up the stories on ''rape'', and it's unbelievable when you look at what's going on. So all I'm doing is telling the truth.&lt;br&gt;'''Lemon''': I've read ''The Washington Post'', I read the Fusion, I read ''The Huffington Post''. And that's about women ''being'' raped, it's not about criminals coming across the border entering the country.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Somebody's doing the raping, Don, I mean, you know– I mean, somebody's doing it. You think it's women being raped, well who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping? I mean how can you say such a thing. So, the problem is you have to stop illegal immigration coming across the border. You have to create a strong border. If you don't, we don't have a country.
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-01
 | title = The Situation Room
 | medium = TV
 | publisher = CNN
 | url = http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/01/politics/donald-trump-immigrants-raping-comments/
}}

[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_2.jpg|thumb|I can't apologize for the truth.]]
* '''I can never apologize for the truth. I don't mind apologizing for things but I can't apologize for the truth.'''
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-02
 | title = TRUMP: 'I use the word rape and all of a sudden everyone goes crazy'
 | author = 
 | newspaper = finance.yahoo.com
 | url = https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-word-rape-sudden-everyone-172614480.html
}}

* I didn't know it was going to be this severe.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-04
 | title = Trump stands by statements on Mexican illegal immigrants, surprised by backlash
 | author = 
 | newspaper = FoxNews.com
 | url = http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2015/07/04/trump-stands-by-views-dangerous-mexican-illegal-immigrants-admits-surprised-by/
}}

* I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know why he wouldn't release his records.
** When asked whether he thought [[Barack Obama]] was born in the U.S. — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-10
 | title = Trump: I'm still a birther
 | author = Nick Gass
 | newspaper = Politico
 | url = http://www.politico.com/story/2015/07/donald-trump-birther-obama-119945.html?hp=l2_4&amp;cmpid=sf
}}

* The {{w|silent majority}} is back, and we're going to take the country back.
** Speech at a packed Phoenix Convention Cente, as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-12
 | title = Trump: 'We're Going to Take the Country Back'
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Fox News Insider
 | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/12/donald-trump-phoenix-speech-were-going-take-country-back
}}

*The Obama Administration's agreement with Iran is very dangerous. Iran developing a nuclear weapon, either through uranium or nuclear fuel, and defying the world is still a very real possibility. The inspections will not be followed, and Iran will no longer have any sanctions. Iran gets everything and loses nothing. Every promise the Obama Administration made in the beginning of negotiations, including the vow (made at the beginning of the negotiations) to get our great American prisoners returned to the U. S. has been broken. This is a bad deal that sets a dangerous precedent. This deal sets off a nuclear arms race in the Middle East, which is the most-unstable region in the world. It is a horrible and perhaps catastrophic event for Israel. Furthermore, we should have kept the billions of dollars we have agreed to pay them. Any great dealmaker would know this is a perfect example of &quot;tapping along&quot; and because they have been unchecked for so long throughout this extremely lengthy process, I guarantee they are much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than they were at the start of negotiations. The fact is, the US has incompetent leaders and even more incompetent negotiators. We must do better for America and the world. We have to Make America Great Again.
**[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-donald-j-trump-the-iran-agreement Statement by Donald J. Trump on the Iran Agreement], ''American Presidency Project'', 14 July 2015

* And I had an idea recently. When they send illegals into our country, we charge Mexico $100,000 for every illegal that crosses that border because it's trouble.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-15
 | title = Fox News &quot;Hannity&quot;- Transcript: Trump On El Chappo And Undocumented Immigration
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Fox News
 | url = https://votesmart.org/public-statement/1113598/fox-news-hannity-transcript-trump-on-el-chappo-and-undocumented-immigration#.XxcUdZMzbOQ
}}

* It's going to get worse in our country and we better start fighting a lot tougher than we're fighting right now.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-16
 | title = Trump: 'Absolutely Ridiculous' Marines Not Allowed to Carry Guns at Centers
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Fox News Insider
 | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/16/donald-trump-reacts-chattanooga-shootings-oreilly-factor
}}

* '''Donald Trump:''' 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. Bigger than anybody and everybody knows it. A beautiful day with incredible people that were wonderful, great Americans, I will tell you. [[John McCain]] goes, &quot;Oh, boy, Trump makes my job difficult. He had 15,000 ''crazies'' show up.&quot; Crazies. He called them all crazy. I said, they weren't crazy. They were great Americans. These people— if you would have seen these people— you— I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies. These weren't crazy. So he insulted me and he insulted everybody in that room...&lt;br&gt;'''Frank Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' He's not a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He is a war hero—&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Five and a half years in a POW camp.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero 'cause he was captured. I like people that weren't captured, OK? I hate to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Do you agree with that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured, OK? You can have— and I believe— perhaps he's a war hero, but— but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people.
** Family Leadership Summit 2015, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-18
 | title = Donald Trump tells John McCain: 'I like people who weren't captured'
 | author = Harriet Alexander
 | newspaper = The Telegraph
 | url = http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/republicans/11748859/Donald-Trump-tells-John-McCain-I-like-people-who-werent-captured.html
}}

* I see [[Rick Perry]] the other day. ... He's doing very poorly in the polls. He put on glasses so people will think he's smart. And it just doesn't work! You know people can see through the glasses!
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-21
 | title = Trump Campaign Statement on Rick Perry
 | author =
 | newspaper = NPR
 | url = http://www.npr.org/sections/itsallpolitics/2015/07/21/424994751/the-best-insults-of-the-trump-kickoff-speech
}}

* But you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-21
 | title = Speech in Sun City, South Carolina
 | author =
 | newspaper = Slate
 | url = http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2015/07/31/donald_trump_this_run_on_sentence_from_a_speech_in_sun_city_south_carolina.html
}}

* If you can't get rich dealing with politicians, there's something wrong with you.
** [http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2015/07/donald-trump-campaign-speech-lindsey-graham Campaign Rally in South Carolina]
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhJ2sFBJmA YouTube]&lt;!--[Has to add exactly minute and second in this video]--&gt;

* I'm a Republican, I'm a conservative, I'm in first place, I want to run as a Republican and I think I'll get the nomination... [&lt;nowiki/&gt;[[Hillary Clinton]]] is easily the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. She's going to be beaten and I'm the one to beat her.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Donald Trump tours Mexican border with Texas
 | author = 
 | newspaper = BBC
 | url = http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33645971
}}

* '''Jose Diaz-Balart:''' Mr. Trump, you know 53,000 [[w:Hispanic-American|Hispanics]] turn 18 years of age in this country every month, born in the country of voting age. 54 million plus Hispanics — many feel that what you said when you said that the people who cross the border are rapists and murderers—&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No, no, no! We're talking about [[w:Illegal immigration in the United States|illegal immigration]] and everybody understands that. And you know what? That's a typical case. That's a typical case of the press with misinterpretation. They take a half a sentence, they take a half a sentence, then they take quarter of a sentence and put it all together. It's a typical thing...&lt;br&gt;'''Diaz-Balart:''' I'm not finished with my question.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' No, no! You're finished!
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Crowd Erupts in Applause at How Donald Trump Handles MSNBC Host at Presser: 'You're Finished!'
 | author = Oliver Darcy
 | newspaper = TheBlaze
 | url = http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07/23/crowd-erupts-in-applause-at-how-donald-trump-handles-msnbc-host-at-presser-youre-finished/
}}

* I think that I would be a great uniter. I think that I would have great diplomatic skills. I think that I would be able to get along with people very well. I've had a great success in my life. I think the world would unite if I were the leader of the United States.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-30
 | title = Trump: 'World would unite if I were the leader'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/249875-trump-world-would-unite-if-i-were-the-leader
}}

[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_3.jpg|thumb|I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct.]]
* I think the big problem this country has is being [[Political correctness|politically correct]].
** Republican Presidential Debate 2015 — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-06
 | title = Annotated transcript: The Aug. 6 GOP debate
 | author = 
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/06/annotated-transcript-the-aug-6-gop-debate/
}}

* You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/08/politics/donald-trump-cnn-megyn-kelly-comment/ On Megyn Kelly] (7 August 2015)

* I cherish women. I want to help women. I'm going to do things for women that no other candidate will be able to do.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-09
 | title = 12 times Donald Trump declared his 'respect' for women
 | author = Gregoy Krieg
 | newspaper = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/donald-trump-respect-women/index.html
}}

* We have to keep the families together, but they have to go. What if they have no place to go?
** During the [[w:Iowa State Fair|Iowa State Fair]] (2015 August 15)

* You know, when you put out policy, like a 14-point plan? A lot of times in the first hour of negotiation, that 14-point plan goes astray, but you may end up with a better deal. That's the way it works. That's the way really life works. When I do a deal, I don't say, &quot;Oh, here's 14 points.&quot; I got out and do it. I don't sit down and talk about 14 points.
** Appearance at Iowa State Fair - {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-15
 | title = Donald Trump's surprisingly savvy analysis of American politics
 | author =
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/08/16/donald-trumps-surprisingly-savvy-comment-about-american-politics/
}}

* Hillary Clinton was the worst [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign... I will be the one to beat Hillary.
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-08-20
 | title = Donald Trump Explains All
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4003734/donald-trump-interview-transcript/
}}

* If you start adding it up, our real unemployment rate is 42%.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-20
 | title = Donald Trump Explains All
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4003734/donald-trump-interview-transcript/
}}. For a discussion of this figure, see [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/11/upshot/the-real-jobless-rate-is-42-percent-donald-trump-has-a-point-sort-of.html?_r=0 &quot;The Real Jobless Rate Is 42 Percent? Donald Trump Has a Point, Sort Of&quot;] by Neil Irwin, ''The New York Times'' (10 February 2016).

* You've seen my statements, I do very well, I don't mind paying some taxes. The [[w:Middle class|middle class]] is getting clobbered in this country. You know the middle class built this country, not the hedge fund guys, but I know people in hedge funds that pay almost nothing and it's ridiculous.
** Interview on [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]]'s ''With All Due Respect'' — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-26
 | title = Donald Trump Says He Wants to Raise Taxes on Himself
 | author = David Knowles
 | newspaper = Bloomberg
 | url = http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2015-08-26/donald-trump-says-he-wants-to-raise-taxes-on-himself
}}

* We're a nation that speaks English. I think that, while we're in this nation, we should be speaking English... that's how we assimilate.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-03
 | title = Donald Trump: &quot;While We're in This Nation, We Should Be Speaking English&quot;
 | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter
 | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/donald-trump-speak-english-spanish-820215
}}

* &quot;''Look'' at that face! [of [[Carly Fiorina]]] Would anyone ''vote'' for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next ''president''?!&quot;
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Trump Seriously: On the Trail With the GOP's Tough Guy
 | newspaper = Rolling Stone
 | url = http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/trump-seriously-20150909
}}

* The fact is all lives matter. That includes black, and it includes white, and it includes everybody else. And we have... Democrats that are afraid to even say that.
** As quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Donald Trump trashes Black Lives Matter: 'I think they're trouble'
 | author = Colin Campbell
 | newspaper = Business Insider
 | url = http://uk.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-black-lives-matter-2015-9?r=US&amp;IR=T
}}

* This is a country where we speak English, not Spanish.
** Criticizing Jeb Bush for speaking Spanish on the campaign trail during a Republican Presidential Debate on CNN (16 September 2015)

* '''Audience member''': We have a problem in this country, it's called Muslims. Our current President is one. We know he's not even an American. We have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question, when can we get rid of them? &lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': We're going to be looking at a lot of different things. A lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening out there. We're going to be looking at that and a lot of different things.
** At a town hall meeting in New Hampshire — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-17
 | title = Here's How Donald Trump Responded to a Person Saying President Obama is Muslim
 | author = Maya Rhodan
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4039658/trump-obama-muslim/
}}

* Am I morally obligated to defend the president every time somebody says something bad or controversial about him? I don't think so!
* This is the first time in my life that I have caused controversy by NOT saying something.
** Tweets — quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump defend Obama? 'I don't think so!'
 | author = Doina Chiacu
 | newspaper = Reuters
 | url = http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/09/20/us-usa-election-trump-idUSKCN0RJ0KT20150920
}}

* You can be politically correct if you want, but are you trying to say we don't have a problem? ... Most Muslims, like most everything, I mean, these are fabulous people... But we certainly do have a problem, I mean, you have a problem throughout the world. ... It wasn't people from Sweden that blew up the World Trade Center.
** On CNN's &quot;State of the Union&quot; with Jake Tapper — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump: 'We certainly do have a problem' with some Muslims
 | author = Timothy Cama
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/254307-trump-we-certainly-do-have-a-problem-with-some-muslims
}}

* The first thing I'd do in my first day as president is close up our borders so that illegal immigrants cannot come into our country.
** Twitter question and answer session from Twitter's New York office — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-21
 | title = Trump: I'll close US borders 'in my first day'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/254391-trump-ill-close-us-borders-in-my-first-day
}}

* You ever see guys with nothing on their desk? They always fail. I don't know what it is. I've seen it for years.
** Explaining his messy desk, ''The New York Times Magazine'' interview. {{citation
 | date=2015-09-21
 | title=Donald Trump is not going anywhere
 | author = Mark Leibovich
 | newspaper = The New York Times Magazine
 | url = http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html
}}

* Why aren't we letting ISIS go and fight Assad and then we pick up the remnants?
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-60-minutes-scott-pelley/ Interview in ''60 Minutes''], 2015-09-27
** Cited by [[Mitt Romney]] in [http://uk.businessinsider.com/mitt-romney-donald-trump-isis-60-minutes-ridiculous-2016-3?r=US&amp;IR=T ''Business Insider''], 2016-03-03

* I will tell you in terms of leadership he is getting an 'A,' and our president is not doing so well. They did not look good together.
** {{citation |date=2015-09-30 |author=Reena Flores |title=Donald Trump gives Russia's Putin an 'A' in leadership |periodical=CBS News |url=https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-gives-russias-putin-an-a-in-leadership/}}

* I've always said, if you run for president, you shouldn't be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don't even know if the guy is smart.
** Norcross, Georgia, {{#formatdate:2015-10-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-07-21 |title=Teleprompter Trump: the right temperament or low-energy Donald? |author=Joe Concha |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/288626-teleprompter-trump-the-right-temperament-or-low}}

* He was such a nice guy. And he said, Oh, I'm never going to attack. But then his poll numbers tanked. He's got -- that's why he's on the end -- and he got nasty. And he got nasty. So you know what? You can have him.
** Response to [[John Kasich]] {{citation
| date=2015-10-28
|title= CNBC Republican debate transcript
|newspaper = CNBC
|url = http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/29/cnbc-full-transcript-cnbcs-your-money-your-vote-the-republican-presidential-debate-part-2.html
}} 

* '''Trump''': I'm Donald Trump, and I'm running for president. Our country is in deep trouble because let's face it: politics are all talk and no action. My opponents have no experience in creating jobs or making deals. The fact is, I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country. And I'm going to bring jobs and money back to the United States. I'll take care of our veterans and make our military so strong that nobody will ever mess with us. I'll secure our borders, and yes, we will have a wall. You can't have a country without borders. [[w:Affordable Care Act|Obamacare]] is a total disaster. It will be repealed and replaced with something much better. If the people of Iowa vote for me, you'll never be disappointed. I don't disappoint people, I produce. Together, we're going to [[w:Make America Great Again|Make America Great Again]]. I'm Donald Trump, candidate for president, and I approve this message.&lt;br&gt;'''Female V/O''': Paid for by Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.
** Radio ad aired in Iowa (5 November 2015)

* You're going to have a deportation force, and you're going to do it humanely and you're going to bring the country -- and, frankly, the people, because you have some excellent, wonderful people, some fantastic people hat have been here for a long period of time. Don't forget, Mika, that you have millions of people that are waiting in line to come into this country and they're waiting to come in legally. And I always say the wall, we're going to build the wall. It's going to be a real deal. It's going to be a real wall. There was a picture in one of the magazines where they had a wall this tall and they were taking drugs over the wall. They built a ramp over the wall and the truck was going up and down. They were using it like a highway; the wall is like a highway. It's not going to happen. It's going to be a Trump wall. It's going to be a real wall. And it's going to stop people and it's going to be good. But your friend [[Thomas Friedman]] called me and said, hah, there should be a big door. I said going to be a big door. I love the expression. There's going to be a big beautiful nice door. People are going to come in and they're going to come in legally. But we have no choice. Otherwise, we don't have a country. We don't even know how many people. We don't know if it's 8 million or if it's 20 million. We have no idea how many people are in our country. And then you see what happened with Kate in San Francisco. You see what happens with all of the things going on, all of the tremendous crime going on. It costs us $200 billion a year for illegal immigration right now. $200 billion a year, maybe $250, maybe $300. They don't even know. We're going to stop it. We're going to run it properly and we're going to stop it.
** On his immigration plan (2015 November 11)

* Watch and study the [[Mosque|mosques]], because a lot of talk is going on at the mosques.
** As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/16/politics/donald-trump-paris-attacks-close-mosques/index.html &quot;Donald Trump: 'Strongly consider' shutting mosques&quot;] (16 November 2015), by Gregory Krieg, ''CNN'' (2015), Atlanta, Georgia: Cable News Network.

* [When the government says] 'everybody gets equal pay,' you get away from the whole [[American Dream]].
** An unequal answer about equal pay (19 November 2015)

* I would certainly implement that. Absolutely... There should be a lot of systems, beyond databases. We should have a lot of systems... They have to be. They have to be... It's all about management.
** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/article/donald-trump-muslim-database-syrian-refugees &quot;Donald Trump Says He Supports a Database and ID Cards to Track Muslims in the U.S.: 'We're Going to Have to Look at the Mosques'&quot;] (20 November 2015), by Char Adams, ''People''.

* Somebody said I’m the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters.
** Quoted by {{citation
| date=2015-11-20
|title= Trump says he’s the Hemingway of Twitter
|newspaper = The Hill
| author = Bradford Richardson
|url = https://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/260949-trump-says-hes-the-hemingway-of-twitter
}} 

* Get him the hell out of here.
** As quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-supporters-black-lives-matter-protester-clash-at-rally/ &quot;Trump supporters, Black Lives Matter protester clash at rally&quot;] (21 November 2015), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc.

*I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in [[w:Jersey City, New Jersey|Jersey City, N.J.]], where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.&lt;br&gt;It was on television. I saw it. It was well covered at the time, George. Now, I know they don't like to talk about it, but it was well covered at the time. There were people over in New Jersey that were watching it, a heavy Arab population, that were cheering as the buildings came down. Not good.
**21 November 2015 speech in [[w:Birmingham, Alabama|Birmingham, Alabama]], then next-day reply to [[George Stephanopoulos]], according to [https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/nov/22/donald-trump/fact-checking-trumps-claim-thousands-new-jersey-ch/ 22 November 2015 PolitiFact article]

* Written by a nice reporter. Now the poor guy - you ought to see the guy: ‘Uhh I don't know what I said. I don't remember!' He's going, ‘I don't remember! Maybe that's what I said.'
** As quoted in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX9reO3QnUA&amp;t=15 &quot;Trump mocks reporter with disability&quot;] (25 November 2015 by CNN) and [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/donald-trump/12019097/Donald-Trump-accused-of-mocking-disabled-reporter.html &quot;Donald Trump accused of mocking disabled reporter&quot;] (26 November 2015), by Rob Crilly regarding [[Serge Kovaleski]]

* My policy has always been the same. We're fighting ISIS and Assad is fighting ISIS, but we're backing rebels to fight [[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]]. You can't fight everybody, you have to pick who you want to fight. And now you've got Turkey, who like ISIS more than they like others, no one really knows because we don't have people that know what they're doing. So in my opinion, you go along, and [[Russia]] does not like ISIS, and people are starting to find out. I mean in all fairness lost an airplane, got blew out of the air. So Russia is not a fan of ISIS. Russia is bombing the hell out of them, starting to bomb them. I say isis is our number one threat. We can't be fighting everybody at the same time. ISIS is our number one threat. I would bomb the hell out of them -- I like to do one thing at a time. I would knock the hell out of ISIS. I would hit them ... so hard like they've never been hit before.
** In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* They're using them as shields. It's a horrible thing. They're using them as shields. But we're fighting a very politically correct war. And the other thing is with the terrorists. You have to take out their families. When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself. But they say they don't care about their lives. You have to take out their families.
** When asked how he would deal with civilian casualties. In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on... According to Pew Research, among others, there is great hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Muslim population. Most recently, a poll from the [[w:Center for Security Policy|Center for Security Policy]] released data showing &quot;25% of those polled agreed that violence against Americans here in the United States is justified as a part of the global jihad&quot; and 51% of those polled, &quot;agreed that Muslims in America should have the choice of being governed according to [[Sharia|Shariah]].&quot; Shariah authorizes such atrocities as murder against non-believers who won't convert, beheadings and more unthinkable acts that pose great harm to Americans, especially women.
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/donald-j.-trump-statement-on-preventing-muslim-immigration Statement on Preventing Muslim Immigration] (2015)

* If you're in the [[w:White House|White House]], who wants to take a vacation?  You're in the White House!… What's better than the White House?  Why these vacations? 
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] December 5, 2015 rally

* We have places in [[London]] and other places that are so radicalised that the [[police]] are afraid for their own lives. We have to be very smart and very vigilant.
** As quoted in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-claims-parts-of-london-are-so-radicalised-police-officers-are-afraid-for-their-lives-a6765026.html &quot;Donald Trump claims parts of London are 'so radicalised' police officers are 'afraid for their lives'&quot;] by Rose Troup Buchanan, ''[[w:The Independent|The Independent]]'' (8 December 2015); also in [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3352406/Scotland-Yard-mocks-Trump-s-claims-London-police-terrified-Muslim-areas-officers-claim-tycoon-RIGHT.html &quot;'Trump's not wrong – we can't wear uniform in our OWN cars': Five police officers claim Donald Trump is RIGHT about parts of London being so 'radicalised' they are no-go areas&quot;] by Martin Robinson, ''Daily Mail Online'' (9 December 2015)

* These are people that are outside the country, so we're really not talking about the [[U.S. Constitution|Constitution]]. And it's not about religion. This is about safety. This has nothing to do with religion. It's about safety.
** Interview on ABC's &quot;Life with Kelly and Michael&quot;, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/262615-trump-muslim-ban-not-about-religion &quot;Trump: Muslim ban 'not about religion'&quot;] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015)

* We're doing really well with the [[wikipedia:Evangelism|evangelicals]], and, by the way: And again, I do like [[Ted Cruz]]

-- but not a lot of evangelicals come out of [[Cuba]], in all fairness. It's true. Not a lot come out. But I like him nevertheless. But I think we're going to do great, and we are doing great with evangelicals.
* I'm with you. I'm with everybody. I'm with everybody, look, I'm self-funding. I have no oil company. I have no special [[interest]]. I have no lobbyists.
* Well look he's from [[Texas]] -- to the best of my knowledge, there's a lot of oil in Texas, right? So, he gets a lot of money from the oil companies, and he's against ethanol and everything you're else talking about. And I'm not I'm totally in favor. And you know it's a big industry here, it's a big industry. You know if that industry is upset Iowa's got problems.
* I really do, I like Ted Cruz a lot, I would say that we would certainly have things in mind for Ted, to be honest with you. I mean, he's somebody that I could certainly say that [about] because I like him.
** During a rally in Iowa. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/11/donald-trump-questions-ted-cruzs-ties-to-major-oil-companies/][http://www.cbsnews.com/news/in-iowa-donald-trump-hits-ted-cruz-on-ethanol-and-religion/][http://blogs.reuters.com/talesfromthetrail/2015/12/12/donald-trump-and-ted-cruz-are-best-of-frenemies/] (December 11, 2015)

* I think there has to be a trust. There actually has to be a trust. If you don't trust, you're not going to do very well.
** In response to a reporter's line of questioning on what his specific plans will be to achieve the goals of his campaign. [http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/melanie-hunter/trump-specifics-his-proposals-trust-me &quot;Trump on Specifics of His Proposals: ‘Trust Me'&quot;] (12 August 2015), by Melanie Hunter

* We are losing a lot of people to the Internet. We have to do something. We have to go see [[Bill Gates]] and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them [about], maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. '''Some people will say, ‘[[Freedom of speech]], Freedom of speech'. These are foolish people.'''
** [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/dec/08/googles-eric-schmidt-spell-checkers-hate-harassment-terrorism Google's Eric Schmidt calls for 'spell-checkers for hate and harassment'], 8 December 2015, by Alex Hern.

* I know words. I have the best words.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn283OjPb1g Speech in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina], 30 December 2015, reported by [https://gawker.com/yet-another-bold-claim-from-donald-trump-i-know-words-1750331997 Gawker] and [https://dailycaller.com/2015/12/30/trump-i-know-words-i-have-the-best-words-obama-is-stupid-video/ The Daily Caller], among others.

* I'm trying to figure out, let's see, I'm in my room, in New York city, and I want to put a little spray, so I can, you know [mimes spraying] right, right, but I hear they don't want me to use the hairspray, they want me to use the pump, because the other one, which I really like better than going [mimes pumping] bang, bang, bang, and then it comes out in big globs, right, and it's stuck in your hair and you say, &quot;Oh my god I've got to take a shower again, my hair's all screwed up&quot;, right, I want to use hairspray, but they say &quot;Don't use hairspray, it's bad for the ozone&quot;, so I'm sitting in this concealed [sic] apartment, this concealed unit (you know I do live in a very apartment, right) but it's sealed (it's beautiful) I don't think anything gets out, and I'm not supposed to be using hairspray!
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?402610-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-hilton-head-south-carolina Speaking at a rally in Hilton Head, SC] (30 December 2015)

* We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice. But not everything is nice.
** ''60 Minutes'', 27/0/15

* I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.
** Campaign launch rally, 15/6/15

* I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women.
** ''Face the Nation'', 9/8/15

====[[wikipedia:Donald Trump presidential campaign, 2016#Announcement|Presidential Bid Announcement]] (June 16, 2015)====
[[File:Donald_Trump_crop_2016.jpeg|thumb|[[Sadly]], the [[American dream]] is [[dead]]. But if I get [[elected]] [[president]], I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make [[America]] [[great]] again.]] 
: &lt;small&gt;At {{w|Trump Tower}}, {{#formatdate:2015-06-16}}, speech announcing his candidacy for U.S. president — {{citation
 | date = June 16, 2015
 | title = Full text: Donald Trump announces a presidential bid
 | author = 
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics/wp/2015/06/16/full-text-donald-trump-announces-a-presidential-bid/
}}&lt;/small&gt;
* Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have [[victories]] anymore. We used to have victories, but we don't have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time. When did we beat [[Japan]] at anything? They send their cars over by the millions, and what do we do? When was the last time you saw a {{w|Chevrolet}} in {{w|Tokyo}}? It doesn't exist, folks. They beat us all the time. When do we beat Mexico at the border? They're laughing at us, at our stupidity. And now they are beating us [[economically]]. They are not our friend, believe me. But they're killing us economically. The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems.
* '''When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing [[drugs]]. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are [[good]] people.''' But I speak to [[wikipedia:United States Border Patrol|border guards]] and they tell us what we're getting. And it only makes common sense. It only makes common sense. They're sending us not the right people. It's coming from more than Mexico. It's coming from all over South and Latin America, and it's coming probably – probably – from the Middle East. But we don't know. Because we have no protection and we have no competence, we don't know what's happening. And it's got to stop and it's got to stop fast.
* {{w|Islamic terrorism}} is eating up large portions of the Middle East. They've become rich. I'm in competition with them. They just built a hotel in Syria. Can you believe this? They built a hotel. When I have to build a hotel, I pay interest. They don't have to pay interest, because they took the oil that, when we left Iraq, I said we should've taken.
* I love the military, and I want to have the strongest military that we've ever had, and we need it more now than ever. But I said, &quot;Don't hit Iraq,&quot; because you're going to totally destabilize the Middle East. Iran is going to take over the Middle East, Iran and somebody else will get the oil, and it turned out that Iran is now taking over Iraq. Think of it. Iran is taking over Iraq, and they're taking it over big league.
* We lost thousands of lives, thousands in Iraq. We have wounded soldiers, who I love, I love — they're great — all over the place, thousands and thousands of wounded soldiers. And we have nothing. We can't even go there. We have nothing. And every time we give Iraq equipment, the first time a bullet goes off in the air, they leave it.
* Last quarter, it was just announced our {{w|gross domestic product}} — a sign of [[strength]], right? But not for us. It was below zero. Whoever heard of this? It's never below zero.
* A lot of people up there can't get jobs. They can't get jobs, because there are no jobs, because China has our jobs and Mexico has our jobs. They all have jobs.
* Our [[enemies]] are getting stronger and stronger by the way, and we as a country are getting [[weaker]]. Even our [[nuclear arsenal]] doesn't work. It came out recently they have equipment that is 30 years old. They don't know if it worked. And I thought it was horrible when it was broadcast on television, because boy, does that send signals to [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] and all of the other people that look at us and they say, &quot;That is a group of people, and that is a nation that truly has no clue. They don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're doing.&quot;
* We have a disaster called the big lie: {{w|Obamacare}}. ... We have to repeal Obamacare, and it can be — and — and it can be replaced with something much better for everybody. Let it be for everybody. But much better and much less expensive for people and for the [[government]]. And we can do it.
* Remember the $5 billion Web site? $5 billion we spent on a Web site, and to this day it doesn't work. A $5 billion Web site. I have so many Web sites, I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a Web site. It costs me $3.
* I watch the speeches of these people, and they say the sun will rise, the moon will set, all sorts of wonderful things will happen. And people are saying, &quot;What's going on? I just want a job. Just get me a job. I don't need the rhetoric. I want a job.&quot;
* Obama is going to be out playing golf. He might be on one of my courses. I would invite him, I actually would say. I have the best courses in the world, so I'd say, you what, if he wants to — I have one right next to the White House, right on the Potomac. If he'd like to play, that's fine. In fact, I'd love him to leave early and play, that would be a very good thing.
* I've watched the politicians. I've dealt with them all my life. If you can't make a good deal with a politician, then there's something wrong with you. You're certainly not very good. And that's what we have representing us. They will never make America great again. They don't even have a chance. They're controlled fully — they're controlled fully by the lobbyists, by the donors, and by the special interests, fully.
* I have lobbyists. I have to tell you. I have lobbyists that can produce anything for me. They're great. But you know what? it won't happen. It won't happen. Because we have to stop doing things for some people, but for this country, it's destroying our country. We have to stop, and it has to stop now.
* Our country needs a truly great leader, and we need a truly great leader now. We need a leader that wrote &quot;[[wikipedia:Trump: The Art of the Deal|The Art of the Deal]].&quot; We need a leader that can bring back our jobs, can bring back our manufacturing, can bring back our military, can take care of our vets. Our vets have been abandoned. And we also need a cheerleader. ... We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it great again. It's not great again.
* He (Barack Obama) was vibrant. He was young. I really thought that he would be a great cheerleader. ... But he wasn't a cheerleader. He's actually a negative force. He's been a negative force. He wasn't a cheerleader; he was the opposite.
* We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it great again. It's not great again.
* We need -- we need somebody -- we need somebody that literally will take this country and make it great again. We can do that.
* You know, all of my life, I've heard that a truly successful person, a really, really successful person and even modestly successful cannot run for public office. Just can't happen. And yet that's the kind of mindset that you need to make this country great again.
* So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again!
* We have people that aren't working. We have people that have no incentive to work. But they're going to have incentive to work, because the greatest social program is a job. And they'll be proud, and they'll love it, and they'll make much more than they would've ever made, and they'll be — they'll be doing so well, and we're going to be thriving as a country, thriving. It can happen. I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. I tell you that.
* We owe China $1.3 trillion. We owe Japan more than that. So they come in, they take our jobs, they take our money, and then they loan us back the money, and we pay them in interest, and then the dollar goes up so their deal's even better. How stupid are our leaders? How stupid are these politicians to allow this to happen? How stupid are they?
* I'm totally against the trade bill for a number of reasons. Number one, the people negotiating don't have a clue. Our president doesn't have a clue. He's a bad negotiator. He's the one that did [[Bowe Bergdahl|Bergdahl]]. We get Bergdahl, they get five killer terrorists that everybody wanted over there. We get Bergdahl. We get a [[traitor]]. We get a no-good traitor, and they get the five people that they wanted for years, and those people are now back on the battlefield trying to kill us. That's the negotiator we have.
* [[Israel]] maybe won't exist very long. It's a disaster, and we have to protect Israel.
* I'm a {{w|free trade}}r. But the problem with free trade is you need really [[Talent|talented]] people to negotiate for you. If you don't have talented people, if you don't have great leadership, if you don't have people that know business, not just a political hack that got the job because he made a contribution to a campaign, which is the way all jobs, just about, are gotten, free trade terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people, but we have people that are stupid. We have people that aren't smart. And we have people that are controlled by special interests. And it's just not going to work.
* I love China. The biggest bank in the world is from China. You know where their United States headquarters is located? In this building, in Trump Tower. I love China. People say, &quot;Oh, you don't like China?&quot; No, I love them. But their leaders are much smarter than our leaders, and we can't sustain ourself with that.
* We have all the cards, but we don't know how to use them. We don't even know that we have the cards, because our leaders don't understand the game. We could turn off that spigot by charging them tax until they behave properly.
* You have a problem with ISIS. You have a bigger problem with China. And, in my opinion, the new China, believe it or not, in terms of trade, is Mexico.
* I know the smartest negotiators in the world. I know the good ones. I know the bad ones. I know the overrated ones.
* I love the [[Saudis]]. Many are in this building. They make a billion dollars a day. Whenever they have problems, we send over the ships. We say &quot;we're gonna protect.&quot; What are we doing? They've got nothing but money.
* Saudi Arabia without us is gone. They're gone.
* All of these politicians that I'm running against now, they're trying to disassociate. I mean, you looked at Bush, it took him five days to answer the question on Iraq. He couldn't answer the question. He didn't know. I said, &quot;Is he [[intelligent]]?&quot; Then I looked at [[Marco Rubio|Rubio]]. He was unable to answer the question, is Iraq a good thing or bad thing? He didn't know. He couldn't answer the [[question]]. How are these people gonna lead us? How are we gonna — how are we gonna go back and make it great again? We can't. They don't have a clue. They can't lead us. They can't. They can't even answer simple questions. It was terrible.
* Saudi Arabia is in big, big trouble. Now, thanks to fracking and other things, the oil is all over the place. And I used to say it, there are ships at sea, and this was during the worst crisis, that were loaded up with oil, and the cartel kept the price up, because, again, they were smarter than our leaders. They were smarter than our leaders.
* I think I am a nice person. People that know me, like me. Does my [[family]] like me? I think so, right. Look at my family. I'm proud of my family.
* This is going to be an election that's based on competence, because people are tired of these nice people. And they're tired of being ripped off by everybody in the world. And they're tired of spending more money on education than any nation in the world per capita, than any nation in the world, and we are 26th in the world, 25 countries are better than us in education. And some of them are like third world countries. But we're becoming a third word country, because of our infrastructure, our airports, our roads, everything. So one of the things I did, and I said, you know what I'll do. I'll do it. Because a lot of people said, &quot;He'll never run. Number one, he won't want to give up his lifestyle.&quot; They're right about that, but I'm doing it.
* We have losers. We have people that don't have it. We have people that are morally corrupt. We have people that are selling this country down the drain.
* I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I'll build them very inexpensively, I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.
* I will stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons. And we won't be using a man like Secretary [[John Kerry|Kerry]] that has absolutely no concept of negotiation, who's making a horrible and laughable deal, who's just being tapped along as they make weapons right now, and then goes into a bicycle race at 72 years old, and falls and breaks his leg. I won't be doing that. And I promise I will never be in a bicycle race. That I can tell you.
* Fully support and back up the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|Second Amendment]].
* Bush is totally in favor of [[wikipedia:Common Core State Standards Initiative|Common Core]]. I don't see how he can possibly get the nomination. He's weak on immigration. He's in favor of Common Core. How the hell can you vote for this guy? You just can't do it. We have to end — education has to be local.
* Rebuild the country's infrastructure. Nobody can do that like me. Believe me. It will be done on time, on budget, way below cost, way below what anyone ever thought. I look at the roads being built all over the country, and I say I can build those things for one-third. What they do is unbelievable, how bad.
* Save {{w|Medicare}}, {{w|Medicaid}} and [[wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] without cuts. Have to do it. Get rid of the [[fraud]]. Get rid of the waste and abuse, but save it. People have been paying it for years. And now many of these candidates want to cut it. You save it by making the United States, by making us rich again, by taking back all of the money that's being lost.
* We're in a [[wikipedia:Economic bubble|bubble]]. We have artificially low interest rates. We have a stock market that, frankly, has been good to me, but I still hate to see what's happening. We have a stock market that is so bloated. Be careful of a bubble because what you've seen in the past might be small potatoes compared to what happens. So be very, very careful.
* Sadly, the American dream is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again.

====''[[wikipedia:Crippled America|Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again]]'' (2015)====
* The enthusiasm was based on pure love and love of what we were doing.
** Preface, p. xiv

* The fact is I give people what they need and deserve to hear - exactly what they don't get from politicians - and that is The Truth. Our country is a mess right now and we don't have time to pretend otherwise. We don't have time to waste on being politically correct.
** p. 8

* I use the media the way the media uses me—to attract attention. Once I have that attention, it's up to me to use it to my advantage.
** p. 10

* I've seen these so-called journalists flat-out lie. I say that because incompetence doesn't begin to explain the inaccurate stories they have written.
** p. 12

* Our country, our people, and our laws have to be our top priority.
** p. 30

* Citizenship is not a gift we can afford to keep giving away.
** p. 28

* I want good people to come here from all over the world, but I want them to do so legally. We can expedite the process, we can reward achievement and excellence, but we have to respect the legal process. And those people who take advantage of the system and come here illegally should never enjoy the benefits of being a resident--or citizen--of this nation. So I am against any path to citizenship for undocumented workers or anyone else who is in this country illegaly. They should--and need to--go home and get in line.
** p. 30

* Depending on the price of oil, Saudi Arabia earns somewhere between half a billion and a billion dollars every day. They wouldn't exist, let alone have that wealth, without our protection. We get nothing from them. Nothing. We defend Germany. We defend Japan. We defend South Korea. These are powerful and wealthy countries. We get nothing from them. It's time to change all that. It's time to win again.
** p. 34

* When Kuwait was attacked by Saddam Hussein, all the wealthy Kuwaitis ran to Paris. They didn't just rent suites—they took up whole buildings, entire hotels. They lived like kings while their country was occupied. Who did they turn to for help? Who else? Uncle Sucker. That's us.
** p. 34

* We can't be afraid to use our military, but sending our sons and daughters should be the very last resort. I've seen what wars do to our kids. I've seen their broken bodies, know all about the horrors that live in their heads, and the enormous effects of trauma. We cannot commit American troops to battle without a real and tangible objective.
** p. 35

* To me, for politicians to claim that we have an answer to every problem is silly. When you listen to some politicians reeling off their prepared answers, you almost fall for it. They're all experts. But nothing ever happens.
** p. 73

* I manage to blast through the ridiculous liberal bias of the media and speak right to the hearts of the people - or at least I try.
** p. 80

* It's not just jobs that are being lost to other countries. We are seeing whole industries vanish overseas.
** p. 85

* A great leader has to be flexible, holding his ground on the major principles but finding room for compromises that can bring people together. A great leader has to be savvy at negotiations so we don't drown every bill in pork barrel bridges to nowhere. I know how to stand my ground — but I also know that Republicans and Democrats need to find common ground to stand on as well.
** p. 96

* We look at politicians and think: This one's owned by this millionaire. That one's owned by that millionaire, or lobbyist, or special interest group. Me? I speak for the people. So the establishment attacks me. They can't own me, they can't dictate to me, so they search for ways to dismiss me.
** p. 97

===2016===
====January 2016====
[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_4.jpg|thumb|I'm very angry. Because our country is being run horribly. I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it.&lt;br&gt;
We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief! Our country is being run by incompetent people and yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess!]]
* The entire world has been upset. The entire world, it's a different place. During Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's term, she's done a horrible job.&lt;br&gt;She has caused death. She has caused tremendous death with incompetent decisions. I was against the [[war in Iraq]]. I wasn't a politician, but I was against the war in Iraq. She voted for the war in Iraq.&lt;br&gt;Look at {{w|Libya}}. That was her baby. Look. I mean, I'm not even talking about the ambassador and the people with the ambassador. Young, wonderful people. With messages coming in by the hundreds, and she's not even responding. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about all of the death that's been caused and not only our side.&lt;br&gt;There was nothing saved. If we would have never done anything in the Middle East, we would have a much safer world right now. ... All of this has led to the migration. All of this has led to tremendous death and destruction. And she for the most part was in charge of it along with Obama.&lt;br&gt;She's constantly playing the woman card. It's the only way she may get elected. I mean frankly... Personally, I'm not sure that anybody else other than me is going to beat her. And I think she's a flawed candidate. And you see what's happened recently. And it hasn't been a very pretty picture for her or for Bill. Because I'm the only one that's willing to talk about his problems. I mean, what he did and what he has gone through I think is frankly terrible, especially if she wants to play the woman card.&lt;br&gt;I have more respect for women by far than Hillary Clinton has. And I will do more for women than Hillary Clinton will. I will do far more including the protection of our country. She caused a lot of the problems that we have right now.
** CBS interview with John Dickerson (taped 1 January 2016) for ''[[wikipedia:Face the Nation|Face the Nation]]'' — as quoted in [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/trump-hillary-clinton-donald-217294 &quot;Trump: Clinton has ruined the world&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 January 2016)

* They've created ISIS. Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama; created with Obama. But I love predicting because you know, ultimately, you need somebody with vision.
** At a rally, as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* She [Clinton] has a terrible record as secretary of state. I mean, she's literally created ISIS. If you look at her, between her and Obama, they're the ones — we have this big ISIS problem they created with their bad policies and their bad thinking.
** On ''[[wikipedia:Fox &amp; Friends|Fox &amp; Friends]]'', as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* Mexico is going to be the new China because what they're doing to us is unbelievable, although they did catch El Chapo. Good? Good? They did catch El Chapo, that's good. I mean I don't know, he better not escape a third time, you know? Those tunnels, bing, boom, right under the toilet, bing boom, right up. It's pretty amazing when you think about it, right? But anyway. I have an idea: Put him on the fourth floor this time, right? No more, no more first floors.
** Speech (9 January 2016), as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/el-chapo-on-donald-trump-mi-amigo/ &quot;El Chapo on Donald Trump: 'Mi Amigo!&quot;], by Rebecca Kaplan, ''CBS News'' (10 January 2016).

* I'm very angry because our country is being run horribly and I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it. We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief. Our country is being run by incompetent people. And yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* And just so — if I could, because he insulted a lot of people. I've had more calls on that statement that [[Ted Cruz|Ted]] made — New York is a great place. It's got great people, it's got loving people, wonderful people. When the World Trade Center came down, I saw something that no place on Earth could have handled more beautifully, more humanely than New York. You had two one hundred, you had two 110-story buildings come crashing down. I saw them come down. Thousands of people killed, and the cleanup started the next day, and it was the most horrific cleanup, probably in the history of doing this, and in construction. I was down there, and I've never seen anything like it. And the people in New York fought and fought and fought, and we saw more death, and even the smell of death — nobody understood it. And it was with us for months, the smell, the air. And we rebuilt downtown Manhattan, and everybody in the world watched and everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers. And I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* The truth is, he's a nasty guy. He was so nice to me. I mean, I knew it. I was watching. I kept saying, 'Come on Ted. Let's go, okay.' But he's a nasty guy. Nobody likes him. Nobody in Congress likes him. Nobody likes him anywhere once they get to know him. He's a very –- he's got an edge that's not good. You can't make deals with people like that and it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing for the country. Very nasty guy.
** About [[Ted Cruz]] in an interview on ''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/01/17/donald_trump_ted_cruz_is_a_nasty_guy_nobody_likes_him.html] (January 17, 2016)

* [[wikipedia:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]] wrote that out for me -- he actually wrote out 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians, I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, 'Well Tony has to know better than anybody.
* It's a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I've had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two.
** In an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Don Lemon}}, about saying &quot;two Corinthians&quot; instead of &quot;Second Corinthians&quot; during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016)

* Ted Cruz lies.  He's a liar.  And that's why nobody likes him, that's why his Senate people won't endorse him.  That's why he stands on the middle of the Senate floor and can't make a deal with anybody.  He looks like a jerk.  He's standing all by himself.  And you know, there's something to say about having a little bit of ability to get other people to do things.  You can't be a lone wolf and stand there.  That's sort of what we have right now as a president.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-ted-cruz-lies-he-s-a-liar-608990275597 Morning Joe] (26 January 2016)

* But you cannot say anymore that the United States is going to pay for the wall. I am just going to say that we are working it out. Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about. 
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* So what I would like to recommend is – if we are going to have continued dialogue – we will work out the wall. They are going to say, &quot;who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?&quot; to both of us, and we should both say, &quot;we will work it out.&quot; It will work out in the formula somehow. As opposed to you saying, &quot;we will not pay&quot; and me saying, &quot;we will not pay.&quot;
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* Up in New Hampshire – I won New Hampshire because New Hampshire is a drug-infested den – is coming from the southern border. 
** Actually, Clinton took NH; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

=====Speech at {{w|Liberty University}} (18 January 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.c-span.org/video/?403331-1/donald-trump-remarks-liberty-university Presidential Candidate Donald Trump at Liberty University], ''C-SPAN'' (18 January 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* I have read a lot about it and I watched it and Liberty University, like a rocket ship, a really great rocket ship.
* I'm in first place. I said when you're in first place, you discuss polls.
* I love Iowa, and I'm going there right after this, going up to New Hampshire, I'm going to Iowa because I want to win Iowa. Everyone says don't say that. Just say you're going to do well. That's the closest, but I can't do that. The safe way is, I think I'll do well. I want to win Iowa. 
* We've done great with the evangelicals. The evangelicals have been amazing. The [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] has been amazing and we're doing really well.
* We're going to protect Christianity, and I can say that. I don't have to be {{w|politically correct}}. We're going to protect it. I hear this is a major theme right here, but [[wikipedia:2 Corinthians 3|two Corinthians, 3]]:17, that's the whole ball game. &quot;''Where the Spirit of the Lord''&quot;, right, &quot;''where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is [[liberty]]''&quot;, and here there is Liberty College, but Liberty University, but it is so true. You know, when you think -- and that's really -- is that the one? Is that the one you like? I think that's the one you like because I loved it, and it's so representative of what's taken place. But we are going to protect Christianity. And if you look what's going on throughout the world, you look at Syria where if you're Christian, they're chopping off heads. You look at the different places, and Christianity, it's under siege.
* I'm a protestant. I'm very proud of it, Presbyterian to be exact, but I'm proud of it, very, very proud. And we've got to protect because bad things are happening, very bad things are happening, and we don't -- I don't know what it is. We don't band together, maybe. Other religions, frankly, they're banding together.
* This is a movement. It is a movement going on. We want to take our country back. Our country is disappearing. You look at the kind of deals we make. You look at what's happening, our country is going in the wrong direction, and so wrong, and it's got to be stopped and it's got to be stopped fast.
* And my generals, by the way, they're not going on television, OK? So the enemy can learn all about it. Oh, well, then we attack.
* They have totally destabilized the Middle East. It's a disaster.
* When our sailors were captured last week, I said that's one of the saddest things that I have seen when those young people were on their hands and knees in a begging position with their hands up and thugs behind them with guns, and then we talk like it's OK. It's not OK. It's lack of respect. We can't let that happen to this country. It's lack of respect.
* The Persians, very good negotiators. Great negotiators, legendary negotiators. They're known for it. They're sitting across the table.
* I hate to tell this to the woman, they're behind the fact, they're a little behind the fact. They haven't figured out that women may be in certain ways much better than men. But I don't want to say that because I will get myself in trouble with men. But they haven't figured this out yet but that's OK.
* We're a debtor nation. We owe $19 trillion. We're not going to give you any money, and you want to be nice. You don't want to put it in their face. Just say, look, we're a poor nation. We've been mismanaged, we've been misrun. We don't know what the hell we're doing, right? 
* If I'm president, you're going to see 'Merry Christmas' in department stores, believe me.
* We spent 5 trillion dollars in the Middle East and our country is going to hell. We gotta bring it back. We gotta knock the hell out of ISIS.
* I want to see a woman president soon, but not [Hillary Clinton]. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. I mean, just think of the corruption and the scandal... We don't want to go through it. We want to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you'll say – if I'm president... 'Please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't stand it anymore. Can't we have a loss?' And I'll say no, we're going to keep winning, winning, winning... because we're going to make America great again. And you'll say, 'Okay, Mr. President. Okay.'

=====Speech at {{w|Dordt University}} (23 January 2016)=====

*{{anchor|shoot somebody|reason=linked to from w:en:Template:FBDB}}The people, my people, are so smart, and you know what they say about my people? The polls. They say I have the most loyal people — did you ever see that? Where '''I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters'''. It's like incredible. No, they say, &quot;Trump we love you too.&quot; Trump's voters are by far, ya know, I'm at sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent, I'm at ninety percent, total, like, &quot;Will you say absolutely?&quot; I think it's sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent. &quot;Will you most likely stay?&quot; That gets into the nineties. Other guys like a ten. A guy like Jeb Bush, he has a nobody, but he's like, they don't have people. They have nothing. Rubio, soft. They're all soft. My people stay, by the way, Cruz, soft. When they heard about this thing with that he was bordering Canada, nobody knew them? He lost a lot of people! He's gone down big in the polls. Ted Cruz has gone down big in the polls. That doesn't mean he's giving us a fight in Iowa, that doesn't mean you can stay home, okay, see, you with the smile? It doesn't mean that. You gotta go out cause we can't take any chances.
** [http://time.com/4191598/donald-trump-says-he-could-shoot-somebody-and-not-lose-voters/ Speech at campaign rally] (23 January 2016), Sioux Center, Iowa.

====February 2016====
* To have a crowd like this on our final day, can you believe it, this is the day. This is the day we take our country back. Remember that. This is the day we take our country back. So I got a little notice in case you see it. It's security guys. We have wonderful security guys. They said, &quot;Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience.&quot; So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously... Okay? Just knock the hell... I promise you I will pay for the legal fees, I promise. I promise. There won't be so much cause the courts agree with us too. What's going on in this country.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-knock-the-crap-out-of-tomato-throwers/2016/02/01/1d1fe1e2-c92b-11e5-b9ab-26591104bb19_video.html At a rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.] (1 February 2016)

* This has been going if it's not going to happen anymore, folks. We're going to bring businesses back. We're going to have businesses that used to be in New Hampshire, that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire and you can tell them to go f--- themselves...because they let you down, and they left. We want the businesses that stay. I know a lot of businesses up here and I knew a lot of businesses up here. These are great people, they could've left and they wanna stay. They willing to stay, they're fighting to stay. It's hard. With a highest tax nation in the entire world. It's hard for them to stay and they stay. Those are the people we have to cherish and love. These are the people that are great.
** [http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/may/18/priorities-usa-action/priorities-usa-donald-trump-women-ad/ At a rally in New Hampshire.] (4 February 2016)

* '''Trump''': No, I didn't use the word. I never said the word, Bill. I don't know who told you -- I would never use the word. I didn't say the word. I said, &quot;you can tell them to go [beat of silence] themselves.&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''O'Reilly''': But the lips kind of moved in the --&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, they might have. No, I didn't say the word. I wouldn't do that. Even I -- hey Bill, even I wouldn't do that, okay. No, I never said the word.
** On an interview on The O'Reilly Factor (6 February 2016)

* [[Iraq|It]]'s the Harvard of Terrorists.
** [http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/watch-as-charlie-rose-forces-trump-to-admit-he-agrees-with-obama-on-syria/ Interview with Charlie Rose] (17 February 2016)

* Torture works, okay folks? [...] Believe me, it works. [...] Waterboarding is your minor form. Some people say it's not actually torture. Let's assume it is. But they asked me the question. What do you think of waterboarding? Absolutely fine. But we should go much stronger than waterboarding. That's the way I feel.
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-torture-works/ Donald Trump: &quot;Torture works&quot;]. CBS News (17 February 2016). Bluffton, South Carolina. 

* They were having terrorism problems, just like we do, and he caught 50 terrorists who did tremendous damage and killed many people. And he took the 50 terrorists, and he took 50 men and he dipped 50 bullets in pigs' blood — you heard that, right? He took 50 bullets, and he dipped them in pigs' blood. And he had his men load his rifles, and he lined up the 50 people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the 50th person, he said: You go back to your people, and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years, there wasn't a problem. Okay? Twenty-five years, there wasn't a problem.
** During a campaign stop in {{w|Pawley's Island, South Carolina}} (February 19, 2016) [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/450574/donald-trump-tweet-fake-history-libel-war-crime]. Referring to a false story about [[John J. Pershing]] which has circulated on the Internet.

* Bye bye. Look, see? He's smiling. See, he's having a good time. Oh, I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There's a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we're not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They'd be carried out on a stretcher, folks.  You know, I love our police, and I really respect our police, and they're not getting enough. They're not. Honestly, I hate to see that. Here's a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else when we're talking, and he's walking out, and we're not allowed -- you know, the guards are very gentle with him, he's walking out, like, big high fives, smiling, laughing -- I'd like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you.
** [http://www.weeklystandard.com/protester-would-be-carried-out-on-a-stretcher-in-the-old-days-trump-reminisces/article/2001211 At a rally in Las Vegas] (22 February 2016)

* We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. '''I love the poorly educated.'''
** [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-declares-i-love-the-poorly-educated-as-he-storms-to-victory-in-nevada-caucus-a6893106.html Donald Trump declares 'I love the poorly educated' as he storms to victory in Nevada caucus], 24 February 2016

* '''Ted Cruz''': Donald, relax.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I'm relaxed. You're the basket case. Go ahead, don't get nervous.
** [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-carlson-6454d89c-dc90-11e5-8210-f0bd8de915f6-20160226-story.html CNN-Telemundo Republican debate] (25 February 2016)

====March 2016====
* '''Donald Trump''': I think you've become very negative.&lt;br&gt;'''Bill O'Reilly''': Why would I do that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Who knows. You'll have to ask your psychiatrist.
** [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/03/donald-trump-bill-oreilly-gop-debate-220241 &quot;Trump to O'Reilly: 'I think you've become very negative'&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 March 2016)

* Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands — if they're small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there's no problem, I guarantee.
** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-03-04|author=Gregory Krieg|title=Donald Trump defends size of his penis|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/index.html}}

* '''Anderson Cooper''': Is Islam at war with the West?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I think Islam hates us. There is something there, there is a tremendous hatred there, and we have to get to the bottom of it. There is an unbelievable hatred of us.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': In Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': You're going to have to figure that out, but there is a tremendous hatred and we have to be very vigilant, we have to be very careful and we can't allow people coming into this country who have this hatred of the United States and of people that are not Muslim.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': The question is is there a war between the West and radical Islam or is it between the West and Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well it's radical but it's very hard to define, it's very hard to separate because you don't know who's who.
** 9 March CNN interview, as quoted in [http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/us-election-2016-donald-trump-tells-cnn-tv-interviewer-islam-hates-us-1548760 &quot;US Election 2016: Donald Trump tells CNN TV interviewer 'Islam hates us'&quot;] by Harriet Sinclair, ''International Business Times'' (10 March 2016)

* Come on, get 'em out, police, please. Let's go! ... Nobody wants to hurt each other anymore.
** During a St Louis, Mo., rally, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/get-him-out-racial-tensions-explode-at-donald-trumps-rallies/2016/03/11/b9764884-e6ee-11e5-bc08-3e03a5b41910_story.html &quot;‘Get 'em out!' Racial tensions explode at Donald Trump's rallies&quot;], by Jose A. DelReal, ''The Washington Post'' (12 March 2016), Washington, D.C.

* I promise you, I will not be taking very long vacations, if I take them at all.  There's no time for vacations.  We're not going to be big on vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] March 14, 2016 rally

*Iran has already, since the deal is in place, test-fired ballistic missiles three times. Those ballistic missiles, with a range of 1,250 miles, were designed to intimidate not only Israel, which is only 600 miles away, but also intended to frighten Europe and someday maybe hit even the United States. And we're not going to let that happen. We're not letting it happen. And we're not letting it happen to Israel, believe me.&lt;br&gt;Thank you. Thank you.&lt;br&gt;Do you want to hear something really shocking? As many of the great people in this room know, painted on those missiles in both Hebrew and Farsi were the words &quot;'''Israel must be wiped off the face of the earth'''.&quot; You can forget that.&lt;br&gt;What kind of demented minds write that in Hebrew?
**[http://time.com/4267058/donald-trump-aipac-speech-transcript/ 21 March 2016] address to AIPAC (America-Israel Public Affairs Committee)

* '''Obama''': But you would rule in the possibility to fight against ISIS.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, I'm never gonna rule anything out. And I wouldn't wanna say. Even if I felt -- it wasn't going -- I wouldn't wanna tell you that because, at a minimum, I want them to think maybe that we would use it.
** As part of a conversation with Barack Obama about ruling out the use of nuclear weapons (March 23, 2016) reported [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-open-to-nuclear-retaliation-after-brussels-attack/ 24 March 2016 by CBS]

* If Saudi Arabia was without the cloak of American protection, I don't think it would be around.
** Interview on foreign policy given on 25 March 2016, published: [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/27/us/politics/donald-trump-foreign-policy.html ''In Donald Trump's Worldview, America Comes First, and Everybody Else Pays''], ''The New York Times'' (26 March 2016)

* I was angry because they sued.
** explaining why he withdrew the medical benefits to his nephew's infant son who had cerebral palsy, after his nephew claimed that the exclusion from {{W|Fred Trump}}'s will was a result of Donald Trump and his siblings unduly influencing the older man
** as quoted in [http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/09/donald-trumps-cruel-streak/501554/ Donald Trump's Cruel Streak], by Conor Friedersdorf, in ''{{W|The Atlantic}}''; published September 26, 2016; retrieved October 24, 2016

* Talking about success, most people think success is measured in the form of monetary success. It's not really. I mean to be a successful person is to have a great family, is who loves the family, loves the children and the children love him or her. To me that's a much more successful person than a person that has made a billion dollars or ten billion dollars, and is miserable and doesn't have a good family and nobody likes that person. I think I've seen every type of person there is that God created.
**&lt;small&gt;''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xuAO0zKRAk Donald Trump talks about Success and Happiness - Motivational speech held in Wisconsin on March 30, 2016]'', Mike Mohamed on YouTube. (2:37 to 3:05)&lt;/small&gt;

====April 2016====
* I can be presidential, but if I was presidential I would only have - about 20% of you would be here because it would be boring as hell.
** At a rally in Superior, Wisconsin (4 April 2016)

* I love working.  I'm not a vacation guy.  Right?  Like Obama, he plays golf in Hawaii.  He flies in a 747. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 21, 2016 rally

* If you love what you do, you're happy.  You don't take vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 22, 2016 rally

=====Foreign Policy Speech (27 April 2016)=====
[[File:Maga.png|thumb|No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/28/us/politics/transcript-trump-foreign-policy.html Transcript: Donald Trump's Foreign Policy Speech], ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (27 April 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* It's time to shake the rust off America's foreign policy.

* My foreign policy will always put the interests of the American people and American security above all else... That will be the foundation of every single decision that I will make. America First will be the major and overriding theme of my administration.

* Our foreign policy is a complete and total disaster. No vision. No purpose. No direction. No strategy.

* President Obama has weakened our military by weakening our economy. He's crippled us with wasteful spending, massive debt, low growth, a huge trade deficit and open borders.

* Our allies are not paying their fair share... The countries we are defending must pay for the cost of this defense, and if not, the U.S. must be prepared to let these countries defend themselves. We have no choice.

* Israel, our great friend and the one true democracy in the Middle East has been snubbed and criticized by an administration that lacks moral clarity... President Obama has not been a friend to Israel. He has treated Iran with tender love and care and made it a great power.

* We've let our rivals and challengers think they can get away with anything, and they do... If President Obama's goal had been to weaken America, he could not have done a better job.

* We've made the Middle East more unstable and chaotic than ever before. We left Christians subject to intense persecution and even genocide. We have done nothing to help the Christians, nothing, and we should always be ashamed for that lack of action.

* Hillary Clinton refuses to say the words radical Islam, even as she pushes for a massive increase in refugees coming into our country. After Secretary Clinton's failed intervention in Libya, [[wikipedia:2012 Benghazi attack|Islamic terrorists in Benghazi]] took down our consulate and killed our ambassador and three brave Americans. Then, instead of taking charge that night, Hillary Clinton decided to go home and sleep. Incredible. Clinton blames it all on a video, an excuse that was a total lie, proven to be absolutely a total lie. Our ambassador was murdered and our secretary of state misled the nation.

* We're also going to have to change our trade, immigration and economic policies to make our economy strong again. And to put Americans first again. This will ensure that our own workers, right here in America, get the jobs and higher pay that will grow our tax revenues, increase our economic might as a nation.

* I believe an easing of tensions, and improved relations with Russia from a position of strength only is possible.

* Americans must know that we're putting the American people first again on trade, on immigration, on foreign policy. The jobs, incomes and security of the American worker will always be my first priority. No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first. Both our friends and our enemies put their countries above ours and we, while being fair to them, must start doing the same. We will no longer surrender this country or its people to the false song of [[globalism]]. The nation-state remains the true foundation for happiness and harmony. I am skeptical of international unions that tie us up and bring America down, and will never enter America into any agreement that reduces our ability to control our own affairs.

====May 2016====
* We have a 500 billion dollar deficit, trade deficit with China. We're going to turn it around and we have the cards, don't forget, we're like the piggy bank that's being robbed. We have the cards, we have a lot of power with China. When China doesn't want to fix the problem in North Korea we say &quot;Sorry folks, you've got to fix the problem.&quot; '''Because we can't continue to allow China to rape [[United States|our country]], and that's what they're doing. It's the greatest theft in the history of the world.'''
**[https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-36185275/china-accused-of-trade-rape-by-donald-trump &quot;China accused of trade 'rape' by Donald Trump&quot;] ''BBC'' (2 May 2016)

* You've been hearing me say it's a rigged system, but now I don't say it anymore because I won. It's true. Now I don't care.
** [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-gop-rigged-but-i-dont-care-because-i-won/article/2590545 &quot;Trump: GOP 'rigged,' but I don't care because I won&quot;] by Ryan Lovelace, ''Washington Examiner'' (5 May 2016)

====June 2016====
* It's going to be like this. I'm not changing.
** Answer to the question whether the American public could expect a similar dynamic if he would win the presidential elections, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-01 |title=Donald Trump: Questions on money for war veterans |author=Alan Fisher |periodical=Al Jazeera |url=http://www.aljazeera.com/blogs/americas/2016/05/donald-trump-fumes-veterans-money-questions-160531203455389.html}}

* '''He's a Mexican'''. We're building a wall between here and Mexico.
** About American judge Gonzalo Curiel (3 June 2016), as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-04 |title=Trump Presses Case That 'Mexican' Judge Curiel Is Biased Against Him |author=Nina Totenberg |periodical=National Public Radio |url=http://www.npr.org/2016/06/04/480714972/trump-presses-case-that-mexican-judge-curiel-is-biased-against-him}}

* I'm truly honored by your support. Together, we accomplished what nobody thought was absolutely possible and you know what that is and we're only getting started and it's going to be beautiful, remember that. Tonight we close one chapter in history and we begin another. Our campaign received more primary votes than any GOP campaign in history, no matter who it is, no matter who they are, we received more votes. This is a great feeling. That's a great feeling. This is not a testament to me but a testament to all of the people who believed real change, not Obama change, but real change is possible. You've given me the honor to lead the Republican Party to victory this fall.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* To those who voted for someone else in either party, I will work hard to earn your support and I will work very hard to earn that support. To all of those [[Bernie Sanders]] voters who have been left out in the cold by a rigged system of super delegates, we welcome you with open arms. And by the way, the terrible trade deals that Bernie was so vehemently against and he's right on that will be taken care of far better than anyone ever thought possible and that's what I do. We are going to have fantastic trade deals. We're going to start making money and bringing in jobs.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* My goal is always again to bring people together. But if I'm forced to fight for something I really care about, I will never, ever back down and our country will never, ever back down. Thank you. I've fought for my family. I've fought for my business. I've fought for my employees. And now, I'm going to fight for you, the American people like nobody has ever fought before.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* We're led by [[Barack Obama|a man]] that either is not tough, not smart, or he's got something else in mind. And the something else in mind, you know, people can't believe it, people cannot believe that President Obama is acting the way he acts and can't even mention the words 'radical Islamic terrorism. There's something going on — it's inconceivable. There's something going on. He doesn't get it, or he gets it better than anybody understands. It's one or the other, and either one is unacceptable.
** Phone interview on ''Fox and Friends'', as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-13 |title=Trump on Obama and Islam: 'There's something going on' |author=Jesse Byrnes |periodical=The Hill |url=http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/283246-trump-on-obama-and-islam-theres-something-going-on}}

* Look, companies now are leaving the United States. Corporate inversion, they're leaving the United States, we have almost $5 trillion sitting out there, where they can't get the money back, they can't bring it in because there's no mechanism to bring it back in and the tax is so high. I'm going to bring tremendous amounts of money, tremendous amounts of jobs, tremendous numbers of companies, and yes the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#Taxes,_spending,_and_budget|tax is going to be cut]] from the highest tax nation anywhere in the world to a fairly low tax. Not the lowest in the world, but to a fairly low tax.
* &lt;p&gt;'''Norah O'Donnell:''' Hillary Clinton called you the king of debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' Well, no she didn't call me, I called myself the king of debt. '''I'm the king of debt.''' I'm great with debt, nobody knows debt better than me. I made a fortune by using debt. And if things don't work out I renegotiate the debt, I mean that's a smart thing not a stupid thing. And I made a fortune.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' How do you renegotiate the debt?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' Because you go back and you say, hey, guess what, the economy just crashed, I'm going to give you back half. I like debt for me, I don't like debt for the country. I like debt for my company, but I don't like debt for the country. For the country we have $19 trillion in debt, it's going to be very soon $21 trillion, not billion, $21 trillion in debt. And I will tell you we are sitting on a time bomb and Hillary Clinton doesn't have a clue. And President Obama has pretty much doubled the debt since he's been in office and somebody's going to pay a big price. We have to start chopping that debt down.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' Janet Yellen, who you know, the chairman of the Federal Reserve blasted you for saying that the U.S. could load up on debt and then make a deal with creditors if the economy has soured. She said there would be very severe consequences if an elected president tried to renegotiate the nation's debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' I wouldn't renegotiate the debt.&lt;/p&gt;
** In an interview with ''{{w|CBS This Morning'}}'' {{w|Norah O'Donnell}}, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=CBS' Norah O'Donnell Challenges Trump On His Economic Plan |periodical=Media Matters for America |url=https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/cbs-norah-odonnell-challenges-trump-his-economic-plan}}

* Our enemies probably know every single one [of Clinton's deleted emails]. So they probably now have a blackmail file. . . . We can't hand over our government to someone whose deepest, darkest secrets may be in the hands of our enemies. Can't do it.&quot;
** speech, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=Nobody brings the crazy quite like Trump |author=Dana Milbank |periodical=Washington Post |url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nobody-brings-the-crazy-quite-like-trump/2016/06/22/74ba5692-38bd-11e6-9ccd-d6005beac8b3_story.html}}

=====Speech about the Orlando Shooting (June 13, 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;Speech after the [[wikipedia:2016 Orlando nightclub shooting|2016 Orlando nightclub shooting]] ([http://time.com/4367120/orlando-shooting-donald-trump-transcript/ transcript])&lt;/small&gt; 

* So many people — it's just hard to believe, but just so many people dead, so many people gravely injured, so much carnage, such a disgrace. The horror is beyond description. The families of these wonderful people are totally devastated, and they will be forever. Likewise, our whole nation and indeed the whole world is devastated.

* Our nation stands together in solidarity with the members of Orlando's LGBT community. They have been through something that nobody could ever experience. This is a very dark moment in America's history. A radical Islamic terrorist targeted the [[wikipedia:Pulse (nightclub)|nightclub]], not only because he wanted to kill Americans, but in order to execute gay and lesbian citizens, because of their sexual orientation.

* It's a strike at the heart and soul of who we are as a nation. It's an assault on the ability of free people to live their lives, love who they want, and express their identity. It's an attack on the right of every single American to live in peace and safety in their own country.

* We're not acting clearly, we're not talking clearly, we've got problems.

* We have a dysfunctional immigration system, which does not permit us to know who we let into our country, and it does not permit us to protect our citizens properly. We have an incompetent administration.

* The [[wikipedia:List of United States immigration laws|immigration laws of the United States]] give the president powers to suspend entry into the country of any class of persons. Now, any class — it really is determined and to be determined by the president for the interests of the United States. And it's as he or she deems appropriate. Hopefully it's he in this case.

* When I'm elected I will suspend immigration from areas of the world where there's a proven history of terrorism against the United States, Europe or our allies until we fully understand how to end these threats. ... After a full and partial and long — really long overdue security assessment we will develop a responsible immigration policy that serves the interests and values of America.

* We cannot continue to allow thousands upon thousands of people to pour into our country many of whom have the same thought process as this savage killer. Many of the principles of radical Islam are incompatible with Western values and institutions. Remember this, radical Islam is anti-woman, anti-gay and anti- American. I refuse to allow America to become a place where gay people, Christian people, Jewish people are targets of persecution and intimation by radical Islamic preachers of hate and violence. This is not just a national security issue. It's a quality of life issue. If we want to protect the quality of life for all Americans — women and children, gay and straight, Jews and Christians and all people then we need to tell the truth about radical Islam and we need to do it now. We need to tell the truth also about how radical Islam is coming to our shores. And it's coming.

* We're importing radical Islamic terrorism into the West through a failed immigration system and through an intelligence community held back by our president.

* They share these oppressive views and values. We want to remain a free and open society. Then, and if we do, then we have to control our borders. We have to control, and we have to control them now, not later. Right now.

* Hillary Clinton, for months, and despite so many attacks, repeatedly refused to even say the words radical Islam until I challenged her yesterday. And, guess what, she will probably say them. She sort of has said them, but let's see what happens. She really has no choice, but she doesn't want to. However, she's really been forced, and she has been forced to say these words. She supports, and the reason is, she supports so much of what is wrong, and what is wrong with this country, and what's going wrong with our country and our borders. She has no clue, in my opinion, what radical Islam is and she won't speak honestly about it if she does, in fact, know. She's in total denial, and her continuing reluctance to ever name the enemy broadcasts weakness across the entire world — true weakness.

* She says the solution is to ban guns. They tried that in France which has among the toughest gun laws anywhere in the world, and 130 people were brutally murdered by Islamic terrorists in cold blood. Her plan is to disarm law abiding Americans, abolishing the Second Amendment, and leaving only the bad guys and terrorists with guns. No good. Not going to happen, folks. ... She wants to take away American's guns and then admit the very people who want to slaughter us. Let them come into the country, we don't have guns. Let them come in, let them have all the fun they want.

* [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Immigration_policy|Hillary Clinton's catastrophic immigration plan]] will bring vastly more radical Islamic immigration into this country, threatening not only our society but our entire way of life. When it comes to radical Islamic terrorism, ignorance is not bliss. It's deadly — totally deadly. ... Clinton's State Department was in charge of admissions and the admissions process for people applying to enter from overseas. Having learned nothing from these attacks, she now plans to massively increase admissions without a screening plan including a 500 percent increase in Syrian refugees coming into our country. Tell me, tell me – how stupid is that? This could be a better, bigger, more horrible version than the legendary [[Trojan Horse]] ever was. Altogether, under the Clinton plan, you'd be admitting hundreds of thousands of refugees from the Middle East with no system to vet them, or to prevent the radicalization of the children and their children. Not only their children, by the way, they're trying to take over our children and convince them how wonderful ISIS is and how wonderful Islam is and we don't know what's happening. The burden is on Hillary Clinton to tell us why she believes immigration from these dangerous countries should be increased without any effective system to really to screen. We're not screening people.

* We have, just, no [[wikipedia:Intelligence gathering network|intelligence gathering information]]. We need this information so badly. ... We need an intelligence gathering system second to none. Second to none. That includes better cooperation between state, local and federal officials, and with our allies, very importantly. I will have an Attorney General, a Director of National Intelligence and a Secretary of Defense who'll know how to fight a war on radical Islamic terrorism.

* They have put political correctness above common sense, above your safety, and above all else. I refuse to be politically correct.

* The days of deadly ignorance will end, and they will end soon.

* The media talks about home grown terrorism but Islamic radicalism and that's a very, very important term — a term that the president refuses to use and the networks that nurture it are imports from overseas whether you like it or whether you don't like it. Yes, there are many radicalized people already inside our country as a result of poor policies of the past.

* Hillary Clinton can never claim to be a friend of the gay community as long as she continues to support immigration policies that bring [[Islamic extremists]] to our country and who suppress women, gays and anyone who doesn't share their views or values.

* Clinton wants to allow radical Islamic terrorists to pour into our country. They enslave women, and they murder gays. I don't want them in our country.

* Immigration is a privilege, and we should not let anyone into this country who doesn't support our communities. All of our communities, every single one of them.

* I want every American to succeed including [[wikipedia:Islam in the United States|Muslims]]. But the Muslims have to work with us. They have to work with us. They know what's going on. They know that he was bad. They knew the people in San Bernardino were bad. But you know what? They didn't turn them in. And you know what? [[wikipedia:2015 San Bernardino attack|We had death, and destruction]].

* Hillary Clinton wants to empty out the {{w|Treasury}} to bring people into the country that include individuals who preach hate against our citizens. I want to protect our citizens, all of our citizens.

* America must do more — much more — to protect its citizens, especially people who are potential victims of crimes based on their backgrounds or sexual orientation, as you just saw in Orlando.

* The decision to overthrow the regime in Libya, then pushing for the overthrow of the regime in Syria, among other things, without plans for the day after, have created space for ISIS to expand and grow like nobody has ever seen before. These actions, along with our disastrous Iran deal, have also reduced our ability to work in partnership with our Muslim allies in the region. That is why our new goal must be to defeat Islamic terrorism not nation building. No more nation building. It's never going to work.

* The last major [[NATO]] mission was Hillary Clinton's war in Libya. That mission helped to unleash ISIS on a new continent.

* America must unite the whole civilized world in the fight against Islamic terrorism. Pretty much [[wikipedia:Anti-communism#United_States|like we did with communism]] during the [[Cold War]]. We tried it President Obama's way, doesn't work. He gave the world his apology tour. We got ISIS and many other problems in return. That's what we got. Remember the famous apology tour. We're sorry for everything.

====July 2016====
* Saddam Hussein was a bad guy. Right? He was a bad guy, really bad guy. But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights—they didn't talk, they were a terrorist, it was over. Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism. You want to be a terrorist, you go to Iraq. It's like Harvard. Okay?
** At a campaign rally in Raleigh, North Carolina (July 5, 2016)

* I'll stand up for Article Two, Article 12, you name it of the Constitution.
** About the U.S. Constitution, which only has seven articles and 27 amendments; as recounted by [[Mark Sanford]], quoted in [http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/trump-changes-few-minds-with-meeting-on-the-hill &quot;Trump Manages To Give Some House GOPers More Heartburn In Hill Meeting&quot;] (2016), ''Talking Points Memo'' (July 7, 2016).

* ''[Interviewer: You're not known to be a humble man. But I wonder—]'' I think I am actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R42mFx3_ss During an interview] by {{WP|Lesley Stahl}} on ''{{WP|60 Minutes}}'' (17 July 2016)

* Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]]; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the [[w:Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania|Wharton School of Finance]], very good, very smart—you know, if you're a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it's true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are—nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35&amp;nbsp;years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right, who would have thought?—but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150&amp;nbsp;years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
** Speech in South Carolina (19 July 2016)

* Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.
** Press conference, reported in Ashley Parker and David E. Sanger, &quot;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/28/us/politics/donald-trump-russia-clinton-emails.html? Donald Trump Calls on Russia to Find Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails], ''The New York Times'' (July 27, 2016).

* Though Bernie is exhausted and has given up on his revolution, many of his voters still want to keep up the fight. I expect that millions of Bernie voters will refuse to vote for Hillary because of her support for the War in Iraq, the invasion of Libya, [[wikipedia:North American Free Trade Agreement|NAFTA]] and TPP, and of course because she is totally bought and sold by special interests. She and her husband have been paid millions and millions by global corporations and powerful interests who will control her every decision. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. We welcome with open arms all voters who want an honest government and to fix our rigged system so it works for the people. This includes fixing one of Bernie's biggest issues, our terrible trade deals that strip our country of its jobs and wealth.
** ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/07/donald-trump-reddit-ama-ask-me-anything/493361/ How Donald Trump Beat Reddit]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (July 28, 2016)

* The things that were said about me. … You know what, I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. ... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin. He wouldn't know what the hell happened.
** Press conference, reported in Jacob Bogage, &quot;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/29/i-wanted-to-hit-a-couple-of-those-speakers-so-hard-trump-says-of-dem-convention-critics/ ‘I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard', Trump says of Democratic convention]&quot;, ''The Washington Post'' (July 29, 2016).

* A guy who didn't have the guts to run for president. Little Michael. He doesn't know anything about me. But he never had the guts to run. He probably wished he did but he didn't. He spent millions of dollars on polling but he was missing one thing: guts. Little Michael.
** On [[Michael Bloomberg]]'s speech about Trump. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Obama gave a good speech but not nearly as good as the press would have you believe. Whether it's good or bad, the press will say it's fantastic. In many ways, I like Obama. It's hard to define. There's something about him I do like. I'm embarrassed to admit it. I give him a lot of credit. It's very unique and very hard to do and I give him tremendous credit. He became a two-term president of the United States. He's got some quality going.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Emails in general are terrible. There's no security. It happens so often. I'm old-fashioned. I put a letter in an envelope and have it hand delivered. My son is 10 years old, and he has grown up computer literate. They start using computers before they can walk. His computer was locked and he unlocked it. And I said, ‘Barron, how did you do that?' And he said, ‘I won't tell you, Dad.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Putin said I was a genius. I do say this: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we actually could get along with Russia and China and some other countries that we don't get along with, and then we go out and knock the hell out of ISIS? Wouldn't it be nice if we cleaned that mess up? Wouldn't it be smart?
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* I think he's a pervert. It's dangerous to allow him on the convention floor.
** About [[Anthony Weiner]] on the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}}. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Captain [[wikipedia:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun Khan]] was a hero to our country and we should honor all who have made the ultimate sacrifice to keep our country safe. The real problem here are the radical Islamic terrorists who killed him, and the efforts of these radicals to enter our country to do us further harm. Given the state of the world today, we have to know everything about those looking to enter our country, and given the state of chaos in some of these countries, that is impossible. While I feel deeply for the loss of his son, Mr. Khan who has never met me, has no right to stand in front of millions of people and claim I have never read the Constitution, (which is false) and say many other inaccurate things. If I become President, I will make America safe again.
* Hillary Clinton should be held accountable for her central role in destabilizing the Middle East. She voted to send the United States to war against Iraq, helped lead the disastrous withdrawal of American troops years later that created the vacuum allowing the rise of ISIS, and has never met a [[wikipedia:United States involvement in regime change|regime change]] she didn't like (which have all been disasters) – not to mention her invasion of Libya and her abandonment of American personnel in Benghazi. The loss of these lives in Libya is directly traceable to Clinton, but their families' testimonials were rejected by the media.
* Clinton's actions have been reckless and have directly led to the loss of American lives. And her extreme immigration policies, as also laid out by American victims in Cleveland, will cause the preventable deaths of countless more -- while putting all residents, from all places, at greater risk of terrorism. As Bernie Sanders said on numerous occasions, Hillary Clinton suffers from &quot;bad judgement.&quot; She is not qualified to serve as Commander in Chief.
** Written statement responding to [[Khizr M. Khan]] [http://web.archive.org/web/20160731082150/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/setting-the-record-straight] (July 30, 2016)

====={{w|2016 Republican National Convention}} (21 July 2016)=====
[[File:Donald Trump 2016 RNC speech (1).jpg|thumb|I have joined the [[political]] arena so that the [[powerful]] can no longer beat up on [[people]] that cannot defend themselves. &lt;br /&gt; Nobody knows the [[system]] better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[https://www.vox.com/2016/7/21/12253426/donald-trump-acceptance-speech-transcript-republican-nomination-transcript &quot;Full transcript of Donald Trump’s acceptance speech at the RNC&quot;, ''Vox'' (22 July 2016)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs0pZ_GrTy8 &quot;Donald Trump's entire Republican convention speech&quot;, ''CNN'' (21 July 2016)] · [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/full-transcript-donald-trump-nomination-acceptance-speech-at-rnc-225974 Donald Trump 2016 RNC draft speech transcript], ''{{w|Politico}}'' (21 July 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* The attacks on our police, and the terrorism in our cities, threaten our very way of life. Any politician who does not grasp this danger is not fit to lead our country.

* Americans watching this address tonight have seen the recent images of violence in our streets and the chaos in our communities. Many have witnessed this violence personally. Some have even been its victims. &lt;br /&gt; I have a message for all of you: The crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon — and I mean very soon come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored. &lt;br /&gt; The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead.

* It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation. I will present the facts plainly and honestly. We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore. &lt;br /&gt; So if you want to hear the corporate spin, the carefully-crafted lies, and the media myths — the Democrats are holding their convention next week. Go there. &lt;br /&gt; But here, at our convention, there will be no lies. We will honor the American people with the truth, and nothing else. 

* Decades of progress made in bringing down crime are now being reversed by this Administration's rollback of criminal enforcement.
* America is far less safe – and the world is far less stable – than when Obama made the decision to put Hillary Clinton in charge of America's foreign policy. I am certain it is a decision he truly regrets. Her bad instincts and her bad judgment – something pointed out by Bernie Sanders – are what caused the disasters unfolding today.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction and weakness.
* The problems we face now – [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and violence at home, war and destruction abroad – will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them. A change in leadership is required to change these outcomes.
* There can be no prosperity without [[wikipedia:Law and order (politics)|law and order]]
* Our plan will put America First. [[wikipedia:Americanism (ideology)|Americanism]], not globalism, will be our credo. As long as we are led by politicians who will not put America First, then we can be assured that other nations will not treat America with respect.
* Big business, elite media and major donors are lining up behind the campaign of my opponent because they know she will keep our rigged system in place. They are throwing money at her because they have total control over everything she does. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. That is why Hillary Clinton's message is that things will never change. My message is that things have to change – and they have to change right now.
* Every day I wake up determined to deliver for the people I have met all across this nation that have been neglected, ignored, and abandoned. I have visited the laid-off factory workers, and the communities crushed by our horrible and unfair trade deals. These are the forgotten men and women of our country, and they are forgotten, but they're not going to be forgotten long. These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I AM YOUR VOICE.
* I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens.
* When innocent people suffer, because our political system lacks the will, or the courage, or the basic decency to enforce our [[Law|laws]] – or worse still, has sold out to some corporate lobbyist for cash – I am not able to look the other way.
* When a Secretary of State illegally stores her emails on a private server, deletes 33,000 of them so the authorities can't see her crime, puts our country at risk, lies about it in every different form and faces no consequence – I know that corruption has reached a level like never before.
* I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. '''Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it'''. &lt;br /&gt; I have seen firsthand how the system is rigged against our citizens, just like it was rigged against Bernie Sanders – he never had a chance.
* [[Mike Pence|He]] (Mike Pence) is a man of character and accomplishment. He is the right man for the job.
* An attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans. I have a message to every last person threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police: when I take the oath of office next year, I will restore law and order our country.
* In this race for the White House, I am the Law And Order candidate. ... I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally, and protected equally.
** &quot;I am the law-and-order candidate&quot; was a phrase used by [[Richard Nixon]] during his [[w:Richard Nixon 1968 presidential campaign|1968 presidential campaign]].
* Once again, [[France]] is the [[wikipedia:2016 Nice attack|victim of brutal Islamic terrorism]]. Men, women and children viciously mowed down. Lives ruined. Families ripped apart. A nation in mourning.
* I will do everything in my power to protect our [[LGBT]] citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology.
* We must work with all of our allies who share our goal of destroying ISIS and stamping out Islamic terror. This includes working with our greatest ally in the region, the State of Israel.
* We must immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place.
* I only want to admit individuals into our country who will support our values and love our people. Anyone who endorses violence, hatred or oppression is not welcome in our country and never will be.
* Decades of record immigration have produced lower wages and higher unemployment for our citizens, especially for African-American and Latino workers. We are going to have an immigration system that works, but one that works for the American people.
* Of all my travels in this country, nothing has affected me more deeply than the time I have spent with the mothers and fathers who have lost their children to violence spilling across our border.
* We are going to build a great border wall to stop illegal immigration, to stop the gangs and the violence, and to stop the drugs from pouring into our communities.
* Peace will be restored.
* We are going to be considerate and compassionate to everyone. But my greatest compassion will be for our own struggling citizens.
* Americans want relief from uncontrolled immigration. Communities want relief.
* I'm going to make our country rich again. I am going to turn our bad trade agreements into great ones.
* I pledge to never sign any trade agreement that hurts our workers, or that diminishes our freedom and independence. Instead, I will make individual deals with individual countries.
* No longer will we enter into these massive deals, with many countries, that are thousands of pages long – and which no one from our country even reads or understands. We are going to enforce all trade violations, including through the use of taxes and tariffs, against any country that cheats.
* We'll walk away if we don't get the deal that we want.
* Reducing taxes will cause new companies and new jobs to come roaring back into our country.
* My Dad, {{w|Fred Trump}}, was the smartest and hardest working man I ever knew.
* I have loved my life in business.
* We must break free from the petty politics of the past.
* America is a nation of believers, dreamers, and strivers that is being led by a group of censors, critics, and cynics.
* All of the people telling you that you can't have the country you want, are the same people telling you that I wouldn't be standing here tonight. No longer can we rely on those elites in media, and politics, who will say anything to keep a rigged system in place.
* We must choose to Believe In America. History is watching us now.
* My opponent asks her supporters to recite a three word loyalty pledge. It reads, &quot;I'm with her.&quot; I choose to recite a different pledge. My pledge reads, &quot;I'm with you – the American people.&quot; I am your voice. So to every parent who dreams for their child, and every child who dreams for a better future, I say these words to you tonight: I'm with you, and I will fight for you, and I will win for you. To all Americans tonight, in all of our cities and towns, I make this promise: We will make America proud again, we will make America strong again, we will make America safe again, and we will Make America Great Again! God bless you and good night! I love you!

=====''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' Interview (July 30, 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;Interview on {{w|ABC News}}' ''{{w|This Week}}'' with [[George Stephanopoulos]]. [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/week-transcript-donald-trump-vice-president-joe-biden/story?id=41020870 Transcript] (31 July 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* She's (Hillary Clinton) a very dishonest person. I have one of the great temperaments. I have a winning temperament. She has a bad temperament. She's weak. We need a strong temperament and that's all it is, I have a strong temperament. ... I think I have a great temperament. I beat 16 very talented people in -- and I've never done this before. You don't do that with a bad temperament. ... I'm leading her in the polls, as you probably have noticed. And I think I have a great temperament. I have a temperament where I know how to win. She doesn't know how to win. She's not a winner. She doesn't know how to win. Honestly, she lies a lot and she really -- she should tell the truth. I honestly believe if she told the truth -- because she made some reference to my campaigning, I've had a beautiful -- I've had a -- had a flawless campaign. You'll be writing books about this campaign. And yet she's criticizing my campaign.
* If you look at what's going on in terms of unity, the Bernie people are angry. They're angry. He was angry. What was amazing to me is when she was talking about Bernie last night, the camera was on him and he was angry. It almost looks like he has buyer's remorse, like he shouldn't have made the deal.
* I have no relationship with Putin. I don't think I've ever met him. I never met him. I don't think I've ever met him. ... I have never spoken to him on the phone, no. I've speak -- I've spoken -- when we had the [[wikipedia:Miss Russia|Miss Universe]] contest a number of years ago, we had Miss Universe in Moscow, in the Moscow area, he was invited. He wanted to come. He wasn't able to come. That would have been a time when I would have met him. ... I don't know what it means by having a relationship. I mean he was saying very good things about me, but I don't have a relationship with him. I didn't meet him. I haven't spent time with him. I didn't have dinner with him. I didn't go hiking with him. I don't know -- and I wouldn't know him from Adam except I see his picture and I would know what he looks like.
* If our country got along with Russia, that would be a great thing. When Putin goes out and tells everybody -- and you talk about a relationship, but he says Donald Trump is going to win and Donald Trump is a genius, and then I have people saying you should disavow. I said, I'm going to disavow that? ... If we can have a good relationship with Russia and if Russia would help us get rid of ISIS, frankly, as far as I'm concerned, you're talking about tremendous amounts of money and lives and everything else, that would be a positive thing, not a negative thing.
* {{w|NATO}} is going to be just fine. But [[NATO]] countries -- we have 28 countries -- many of them are taking advantage of us because they're not paying. So we're protecting these countries and they're not paying. ... I'm all in favor of NATO. I said NATO is obsolete. I was asked a question by one of your competitors and I said NATO is obsolete, because it's not taking care of terror.
* The people of {{w|Crimea}}, from what I've heard, would rather be with Russia than where they were. And you have to look at that, also. Now, that was under -- just so you understand, that was done under Obama's administration. And as far as the [[Ukraine]] is concerned, it's a mess. And that's under the Obama's administration, with his strong ties to [[NATO]]. So with all of these strong ties to NATO, Ukraine is a mess. [[wikipedia:Annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation|Crimea has been taken]]. Don't blame Donald Trump for that.
* No debts. I have very little debt to anybody. I don't need debt. You know, it's very interesting, I'm so liquid, I don't need debt. And if I need debt, if I want debt, I can get it from banks in New York City very easily.
* If you want to get a television today -- I buy thousands of television sets. If I want a television, I would love the buy American-made televisions like they used to have where they had [[wikipedia:General Electric#Television|GE]] and [[wikipedia:Sylvania Electric Products|Sylvania]] and all of the different. Today, it's {{w|Samsung}}, it's [[wikipedia:LG Electronics|LG]], it's {{w|Sony}}. We don't make televisions anymore.
* When I do ties, I bid them out. And I go all over the place. You have companies over in different countries where they devalue their currency and they make it impossible for American companies to compete. The hat, {{w|Make America Great Again}}. I fought like crazy to find a company in this country that could make the hats. And I found one. And they're American-made, but it's -- because I knew the first thing people would do is, where is the hat made. OK, Make America Great.
* He ([[Khizr M. Khan]]) was, you know, very emotional and probably looked like a nice guy to me. His wife, if you look at his wife, she was standing there. She had nothing to say. She probably, maybe she wasn't allowed to have anything to say. You tell me. But plenty of people have written that. She was extremely quiet. And it looked like she had nothing to say. A lot of people have said that. And personally, I watched him. I wish him the best of luck.
* I'd say we've had a lot of problems with radical Islamic terrorism. That's what I'd say. We have a lot of problems. ... I'd say you've got to take a look at that, because something is going on. And it's not good.
* Well, that sounds - who wrote that? Did Hillary's scriptwriters write it? Because everybody that went out there, we also had [[wikipedia:John R. Allen|John Allen]] who failed with ISIS. I mean, he was a general, Allen, General Allen. He went out. And he was ranting and raving. And then I read a report. He was in there for a number of months. And he failed with ISIS.
* The generals aren't doing so well right now. Now, I have a feeling it may be Obama's fault. But if you look at ISIS… General [[Douglas MacArthur|MacArthur]] and [[George S. Patton|General Patton]], they're spinning in their graves. The generals certainly aren't doing very well right now.
* I think I've made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I've created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I've done, I've had tremendous success. I think I've done a lot. ... I think they're sacrifices. I think when I can employ thousands and thousands of people, take care of their education, take care of so many things, even in military. I mean, I was very responsible, along with a group of people, for getting the [[wikipedia:Vietnam Veterans Plaza|Vietnam Memorial]] built in [[wikipedia:Lower Manhattan|downtown Manhattan]], which to this day people thank me for.
* I raised, and I have raised, millions of dollars for the vets. I'm helping the vets a lot. I think my popularity with the vets is through the roof, far greater than hers. She's done nothing. All she's done is tell everybody that the vets are in good shape. They're fine. And they're not fine. People are waiting on line for seven days to see a doctor. She thinks it's fine.
* Our country's a mess. And that's why when she makes the speech, she doesn't talk about radical Islam. She doesn't talk about the problems that we have in this country and throughout the world. Many of the problems, she caused. I mean, she created ISIS with her stupidity and her lack of knowledge with her bad judgment.

====August 2016====
* Don't worry about that baby. I love babies.  I hear that baby crying, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around like—don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. [...]  Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here.  That's all right. Don't worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK.
** [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/trump-kicks-out-baby-rally-226566 At a rally in Ashburn, Virginia.] (August 2, 2016) 

* He's a terrible president, he'll probably go down as the worst president in the history of our country, he's been a total disaster.
** On Barack Obama during an interview with [[wikipedia:WJLA-TV|WJLA]]. {{citation |date=2016-08-02 |author=Eric Bradner |title=Trump responds to Obama: 'He's a terrible president' |periodical=CNN |url=http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/02/politics/donald-trump-obama-election-2016/}}

* I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to go play golf.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/02/13/trump-used-to-have-a-slightly-different-opinion-of-presidents-playing-golf/?utm_term=.d2f026a42e9c Trump used to have a slightly different opinion of presidents playing golf] by Phillip Bump, Washington Post, August 8 Virginia rally (August 20, 2016)

* [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|second amendment]]. '''If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is''', I don't know. But I'll tell you what, that will be a horrible day.
** Rally in [[w:Wilmington, North Carolina|Wilmington, North Carolina]] on August 9, 2016 ({{cite news |title=Donald Trump Suggests ‘Second Amendment People' Could Act Against Hillary Clinton |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |first1=Nick |last1=Corasaniti |authorlink2=w:Maggie Haberman |first2=Maggie |last2=Haberman |date=August 9, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/10/us/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton.html}}; {{cite news |title=Donald Trump hints at assassination of Hillary Clinton by gun rights supporters |first=David |last=Smith |date=August 10, 2016  |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/aug/09/trump-gun-owners-clinton-judges-second-amendment}}).

* [[ISIS]] is honoring President Obama. He is the founder of ISIS. He founded ISIS. And I would say the co-founder would be crooked [[Hillary Clinton]].
** During a Florida rally at the BB&amp;T Center in Sunrise, as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-president-barack-obama-founder-isis/story?id=41286869 &quot;Donald Trump: President Barack Obama 'Is the Founder of ISIS'&quot;] by David Caplan, ''ABC News'' (August 10, 2016)

* But one thing I can promise you is this: &lt;b&gt;I will always tell you the truth. &lt;/b&gt; I speak the truth for all of you, and for everyone in this country who doesn’t have a voice.
** Quoted by {{cite news |title=Three years ago today: Trump promised “I will always tell you the truth” |first=Jon |last=Perr |date=August 18, 2019  |accessdate=January 16, 2021 |newspaper=Daily Kos |url=https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2019/8/18/1879762/-Three-years-ago-today-Trump-promised-I-will-always-tell-you-the-truth}}).

* No group in America has been more harmed by Hillary Clinton's policies than African-Americans. If Hillary Clinton's goal was to inflict pain on the African-American community, she could not have done a better job. It's a disgrace. Tonight, I'm asking for the vote of every single African-American citizen in this country who wants to see a better future. The inner cities of our country have been run by the Democratic party for more than fifty years. Their policies have reduced only [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]], joblessness, failing schools and broken homes. It's time to hold Democratic politicians accountable for what they have done to these communities. At what point do we say, &quot;enough?&quot; It's time to hold failed leaders accountable for their results not just their empty words over and over again. Look at what the Democratic party has done to the city as an example and there are many others of Detroit: forty percent of Detroit's residents live in poverty. Half of all Detroit residents do not work and cannot work and can't get a job. Detroit tops the list of most dangerous cities in terms of violent crime. This is the legacy of the Democratic politicians who have run this city. This is the result of the policy agenda embraced by Hillary Clinton: thirty-three thousand emails gone. The only way to change results is to change leadership. We can never fix our problems by relying on the same politicians who created our problems in the first place. A new future requires brand new leadership. Look how much African-American communities suffered under Democratic control. To those I say the following: What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump. What do you have to lose? I say it again, what do you have to lose. Look, what do you have to lose? You're living your poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed? What the hell do you have to lose? And at the end of four years, I guarantee you, that I will get over ninety-five percent of the African-American vote. I promise you.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5B5m1S5VTA Speech to the African-American community in Dimondale, Michigan] (August 19, 2016)

* Immigration security, we need to protect American jobs. We need to protect American safety. We're going to build a wall folks, don't worry, we're going to build a wall. That wall will go up so fast, your heads will spin. And you'll say, &quot;you know, know he meant it!&quot; And you know what else I mean? Mexico is going to pay for the wall.
** On immigration at a rally in Akron, Ohio (22 August 2016)

* It's our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.
** Immigration speech (31 August 2016), quoted in [http://fox59.com/2016/08/31/donald-trump-delivers-immigration-speech-after-meeting-with-mexican-president/ &quot;Donald Trump delivers immigration speech after meeting with Mexican president&quot;] by CNN Wire, ''[[wikipedia:WXIN|Fox 59]]''.

* When politicians talk about immigration reform, they usually mean the following: amnesty, open borders, and lower wages. Immigration reform should mean something else entirely: it should mean improvements to our laws and policies to make life better for American citizens. But if we are going to make our immigration system work, then we have to be prepared to talk honestly and without fear about these important and sensitive issues.
** Immigration speech (31 August 2016)

* To all the politicians, donors and special interests, hear these words from me today: there is only one core issue in the immigration debate and it is this: the well-being of the American people. Nothing even comes a close second.
** Immigration speech (31 August 2016)

* You’re stealing my money! You’re stealing my fucking money! What the fuck is this? Why are you letting him steal my fucking money?
** When informed he was by law required to fund a transition.[https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/27/this-guy-doesnt-know-anything-the-inside-story-of-trumps-shambolic-transition-team]

* Fuck the law. I don’t give a fuck about the law. I want my fucking money.
** When informed he was by law required to fund a transition.[https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/27/this-guy-doesnt-know-anything-the-inside-story-of-trumps-shambolic-transition-team]

=====Speech at rally in Wilmington, North Carolina (August 9, 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;Speech at rally in {{w|Wilmington, North Carolina}}. [http://time.com/4445813/donald-trump-second-amendment-speech/ Transcript] (August 9, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm the messenger, but I'll tell you what, the message is the right message.

* $400 million in all cash, anybody know what that looks like? That's a lot of cash. That's a lot of case. And honestly, it's so sad. Think of it, going to [[wikipedia:Iran and state-sponsored terrorism|Iran, a terrorist state]]. Now I happen to think they have plenty of money, we've given then $150 billion, so the $400 million is just, you know – I happen to think it goes into their accounts in Switzerland personally. Now, a lot of people say, &quot;no, no, it's used for terror,&quot; and they use it for terror because it's the number one terror funder – not even close. But I also think that when you have $400 million in cash, different denominations, do you see the size of this? I guess they did release the pictures after all. They released pictures. ... Obama said that he did it because we don't have a working account with Iran. Do you believe that? How long does it take to set up an account? Right? You don't have a working account, you set up an account, right?

* What's going on in this country is insane. And we have people running our country that don't know what they're doing, they're grossly incompetent, and it's time. We have to make change, real change. Not [[wikipedia:Barack Obama presidential campaign, 2008#Slogan|Obama change]], we have to make change.

* We get [[Bowe Bergdahl|Bergdahl]] who was a traitor, and they get five of the greatest killers that they've wanted for eight years. We get Bergdahl — I call it the five for one trade. For the [[wikipedia:Iran nuclear deal framework|Iran deal]], where we get nothing, we get nothing. They get ultimately, they have the path, beautiful path, they'll get way, way earlier than that. They'll get nuclear weapons, so if you get Trump you're going to see a lot of changes to that deal. That'll happen fast.

* Remember {{w|Obamacare}}, &quot;you're going to keep your doctor, you're going to keep your plan, over and over again, you're going to keep your doctor.&quot; It was a lie. And in fact, if he didn't make the lie, he would have never gotten it approved because most Democrats, many of the Democrats didn't want to do it. It was only that, that got them to sign it and to approve it. And it was a lie.

* America first. We get a little tired of these deals where they actually put, and you know why, because of lobbyists and special interests and people representing and people wanting it to happen. It's just not that they want other countries to benefit over us. There are reasons for it and you know, when I raise money, and I'm putting up a lot of money for my own campaign, I'm funding me. And I'm raising for the Republican party. And we're getting a lot of money from the small donors.

* '''Those cameras are not going on the move unless we have a protester. If we had a protester that's the only time they move because they're showing something that in their mind is a bad thing, so then they move.''' But I like that, I've always liked my protesters because the cameras show these massive crowds and people say wow, was that a big crowd.

* She (Hillary Clinton) lacks judgment, she lacks temperament and I'm the one that used unfit many, many months ago. And now they've turned it around, use it on me, unfit? I'm unfit? That's — that's a first. But she lacks the temperament and the moral character to lead this country, its very simple. She really does. She's a dangerous person who doesn't tell the truth which has been proven very loudly. I've never seen a — I don't think we've ever had greater proof of that, of anybody. And she has disregarded the lives of Americans — you see what's happening — with what she has done with her server? And you know why she did that. So, I just look at this, and I said that if she gets elected, she will cause the destruction of this country from within. Remember that. ... She is disdainful of the rules set for everyone else and she hasn't changed a bit. This is — that was the good thing. I couldn't say the bad things. It was too much. Nobody would even — nobody would even believe it. You've got to see this book. Nobody would believe because it's so terrible, so terrible. And she comes across like this woman — nice, easy — but she's not. And — and she's — listen — she's not a leader, not a leader. And she is a liar.

* '''France isn't France anymore.''' We're not going. And so many people are saying that. Look at what's going on with Germany. Look at what's happening with Germany. Look at the crime; look at the problems. We have enough problems in our country right now. We don't need additional problems, folks. We don't need additional problems. And for all we know, this could be the great [[Trojan Horse]]. This could be. We don't know who these people are. ... We have to get smart, folks. We don't need the problems — and we've already got those problems, just so you understand. Because they're coming into the country, they're being put where nobody even knows where they are. It's like, if I were the enemy, I would say, I can't believe they're that stupid. They're taking my people and they're putting them all over the place, because you have great military right here.

* [[wikipedia:Hillary Clinton email controversy|33,000 e-mails are missing]]. And she's so guilty. She's so guilty.

* Could you imagine if I said that &quot;I short circuited&quot;? They would be calling for my execution, — electric chair. They'd bring back the electric chair. It would be a whole different ball game if I said it, believe me.

* [[wikipedia:Economic policy of Barack Obama|Obama-Clinton economic policies]] have produced 1.2 percent economic growth, the weakest so-called [[wikipedia:Financial crisis of 2007–08#Stabilization|recovery]] since the Great Depression. Now, this is, like, unbelievable — 1.2. Do you know China goes to 7 percent or 8 percent, it's like a national catastrophe. Now, what they do is they cut their currency. They devalue their currency, and big league, and then all of our businesses continue to be drained out of the United States. Our money, our jobs. They make our product, they sell our product to us. No tax, no nothing, you devalue — see devaluing is sort of cheating.

* I see the carnage that [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#NAFTA|NAFTA has caused]], I see the carnage. It's been horrible. ... It's a suicidal pact for our country. And you know I've watched for years.

* I like Mexico. And I respect the leaders of Mexico because they're much smarter, they're much street smarter, but they're much smarter and more cunning than our leaders. But you have to see what's going on.

* I can't believe I'm saying I'm a politician.

* The Bernie ones were — they had a lot more spirit. I think we're going to get a lot of Bernie voters, if you want to know the truth. Because they do understand that trade is killing us. Trade.

* The [[national debt]] has doubled. And you know the bad part about that? You think if the national debt has doubled, our infrastructure would be great, our country would be in great shape. We'd have beautiful roads, beautiful highways. You see where like 50 percent of the bridges are in danger in this country. And the roadways are a mess.

* We have great people. We have the most loyal people. We have the smartest people. You know, so many of my people, they're so smart. They like to say, well, Trump, I don't know if he's got this right — let me tell you, we have the smartest people. We have the people that are the smartest, and the strongest, and the best and the hardest working. We have the smartest people. We'll put I.Q.s among — some of us, we couldn't say all of us, right — against any I.Q.s that we — we have to deal with, that I can tell you. I would love to do that.

* Today, [[wikipedia:Home-ownership in the United States|homeownership]] is at its lowest rate in 51 years. ... Lowest that its been in so many years, 51 years. Nearly 12 million people and more Americans are dependent on food stamps and 2 million more Latino Americans live in poverty under Obama and Clinton — under Obama; because Clinton's just gonna carry on.

* Hillary wants to raise taxes. It's a comparison. I want to lower them.

* If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know. But — but I'll tell you what. That will be a horrible day. If — if Hillary gets to put her judges — right now, we're tied. You see what's going on.

* Hillary essentially wants to abolish the Second Amendment.

* Hillary and President Obama refused to use the term radical {{w|Islamic terrorism}}. Big problem. Big problem. Hillary wants to release violent criminals and criminal offenders from prison, that's wonderful, enjoy yourselves. I want to work with our police. Our police are so incredible, they're not getting the respect they deserve.

* We have to respect and cherish our police.

* We're fighting a political correct war. It's a political correct war. I mean, you know what's going on. You know what's going on. These are people that chop off heads. These are people that, in steel cages, drop steel cages into the waters and drowned large numbers of people. These are people that buried people in the sand. We've got to knock them out. I was against the war in Iraq. We shouldn't have been to the war in Iraq. It destabilized the Middle East and I said that was going to happen. But we shouldn't have gotten out the way we got out. The way we got out was insane. And Obama gave a date, and he — and that's how ISIS happened, folks. Hence, the birth of ISIS.

* If I'm ISIS, I call her (Hillary Clinton) up and I give her the most valuable player award. ... And I guarantee you with Libya, which was her baby, and all of the other mistakes she has made. Obama takes now, because obviously, for him, that's the better alternative, all right? But he has been an incompetent president. He has done a horrible job.

=====Speech in Jackson, Mississippi (August 24, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;Speech in {{w|Jackson, Mississippi}}. As quoted by ''{{w|CBS}}'' and ''{{w|The Hindu}}'' [http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/08/24/trump-clinton-bigot/][http://www.thehindu.com/news/international/republican-presidential-candidate-donald-trump-speaks-at-an-election-rally-in-mississippi/article9031151.ece] (August 24, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* '''Hillary Clinton is a bigot who sees people of color only as votes, not as human beings worthy of a better future.''' She's going to do nothing for African-Americans. She's going to do nothing for the Hispanics. She's only going to take care of herself, her consultants, her donors, these are the people she cares about. She doesn't care what her policies have done to your communities. She doesn't care. Remember this, you've had her policies — Democrats running some of the inner cities for 50, 70, 80, even over 100 years. And look what you have right now: poverty, no education, crime, you can't walk down the street with your child. We're going to fix it. Hillary Clinton has no remorse. I will fight to create a better future for every American.
* Eight years of Obama-Clinton policies have sacrificed our safety and undermined our freedom and independence. ... The Obama-Clinton foreign policy has unleashed ISIS, destabilised the Middle East and put the nation of Iran — which chants [[Death to America]] — in a dominant position of regional power and, in fact, aspiring to be a dominant world power.
* Our jobs have moved overseas, Islamic terrorism has spread within our shores and an open border has crushed low-income workers and threatened our security. The issues we face here in America are similar to the issues faced in Britain during their referendum on membership in the EU. This is the movement known as Brexit
* Hillary wants to surrender America to globalism. She wants a country without borders. She wants trade deals written for the benefit of foreign corporations. She wants a government that ignores the will of the people. She wants to sell out American security to the Clinton Foundation for a pile of cash. It is hard to tell where the Clinton Foundation ends and the State Department begins. ... Hillary Clinton has betrayed her duty to the people.
* The job of a public official is to serve and protect the citizens of the United States. Not illegal immigrants, not foreign nationals seeking entry, but the people living here lawfully today — including millions of African-American and Hispanic citizens.
* I will fight for their security, I will fight for their jobs, I will fight for their families. One American Nation.
* It's time for America to recapture its destiny. Our government, our leaders, and our media have lost touch with the people. You need no better evidence of that than the fact that the media ignores the plight of Americans who have lost their children to illegal immigrants, but spends day after day pushing for amnesty for those here in violation of the law.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and weakness. But Hillary Clinton's legacy doesn't have to be America's legacy.
* I have a message for the terrorists trying to kill our citizens: we will find you, we will destroy you, and we will win. This is not only a military fight, but we will also require cyberwarfare and financial warfare. It is also an ideological fight. We will confront directly the hateful ideology of Radical Islam — and promote American values, and American culture, and America's system of government.

====September 2016====
* We can't have someone in the Oval Office who doesn't understand the meaning of the word &quot;confidential&quot; or &quot;classified&quot;.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/15/politics/donald-trump-classified-information/ Trump campaign speech in Greenville, North Carolina] (6 September 2016)

* For the first time in a long while, [[Hillary Clinton|her]] true feelings came out, showing bigotry and hatred for millions of Americans. How can she be President of our country when she has such contempt and disdain for so many great Americans?
** {{cite news |title=Clinton walks back 'deplorables' comment: I 'regret' using the term to describe 'half' of Trump's supporters |first=Beremy |last=Berke |work=[[w:Business Insider|Business Insider]] |date=10 September 2016 |url=http://www.businessinsider.com/clinton-regrets-deplorables-comment-2016-9/}}

* While my opponent slanders you as deplorable... I call you hard-working, American patriots.
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?415085-1/donald-trump-campaigns-ashville-north-carolina Donald Trump Campaign Rally in Ashville, North Carolina], ''C-SPAN.org'' (12 September 2016).

*OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things…I also watch TV…OK, so I've done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb…&lt;br&gt;Do I comb it forward? No, I don't comb it forward…I actually don't have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it's not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over. It's sort of a little bit forward and back. I've combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time. 
**[https://www.newsmax.com/thewire/jimmy-fallon-donald-trump-mess-up-hair/2016/09/16/id/748677/ 15 September 2016 to Jimmy Fallon]

* Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period. Now we all want to get back to making America strong and great again.
** {{cite news |title=Trump finally says Obama born in U.S., blames Clinton for controversy |work=USA Today |date=16 September 2016 |url=http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/2016/09/16/donald-trump-barack-obama-hillary-clinton-presidential-campaign-birtherism/90471868/}}
** [[wikipedia:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Conspiracy theories about Barack Obama's citizenship]] were not started by Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign according to ''[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/fact-checking-donald-trumps-claim-hillary-clinton-/ PolitiFact.com]'', and Trump continued to question Obama's citizenship for years after he released his long-form birth certificate in 2011[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/donald-trumps-pants-fire-claim-he-finished-obama-b/].

* People don't know how great you are. People don't know how smart you are. These are the smart people. These are the smart people. These are really the smart people. And they never like to say it, but I say it. And I'm a smart person. These are the smart. We have the smartest people. We have the smartest people. And they know it. Some say it, but they hate to say it. But we have the smartest people.
** Council Bluffs, Iowa, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-09-29 |title=Donald Trump's Bizarre Speech: 'You Are The Smartest People' |periodical=Leading Britain's Conversation |url=https://www.lbc.co.uk/politics/us-election/donald-trump/donald-trumps-bizarre-speech-smartest-people/}}

* On the question if he would honor the results of the election should he lose:&lt;br&gt;&quot;We're going to have to see. We're going to see what happens. We're going to have to see.&quot;
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/01/us/politics/donald-trump-interview-bill-hillary-clinton.html?_r=0 In an interview with the New York Times]; [http://www.nbcnews.com/card/trump-appears-back-pledge-support-clinton-if-she-wins-n657866 Trump Appears to Back Off Pledge to Support Clinton If She Wins], NBC News  (30 September 2016)

=====First presidential debate (September 26, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/09/26/the-first-trump-clinton-presidential-debate-transcript-annotated/#annotations:10505575 Transcript], ''{{w|Washington Post}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* Our jobs are fleeing the country. They're going to Mexico. They're going to many other countries. You look at what China is doing to our country in terms of making our product. They're devaluing their currency, and there's nobody in our government to fight them. And we have a very good fight. And we have a winning fight. Because they're using our country as a piggy bank to rebuild China, and many other countries are doing the same thing. ... We have to stop our jobs from being stolen from us. We have to stop our companies from leaving the United States and, with it, firing all of their people. ... We cannot let it happen. Under my plan, I'll be reducing taxes tremendously, from 35 percent to 15 percent for companies, small and big businesses. That's going to be a job creator like we haven't seen since [[Ronald Reagan]]. It's going to be a beautiful thing to watch. Companies will come. They will build. They will expand. New companies will start. And I look very, very much forward to doing it. We have to renegotiate our trade deals, and we have to stop these countries from stealing our companies and our jobs.

* Our country's in deep trouble. We don't know what we're doing when it comes to devaluations and all of these countries all over the world, especially China. They're the best, the best ever at it. What they're doing to us is a very, very sad thing.

* But in all fairness to Secretary Clinton, when she started talking about this, it was really very recently. She's been doing this for 30 years. And why hasn't she made the agreements better? The NAFTA agreement is defective. Just because of the tax and many other reasons, but just because of the fact Secretary Clinton and others, politicians, should have been doing this for years, not right now, because of the fact that we've created a movement.

* The first thing you do is don't let the jobs leave. The companies are leaving. I could name, I mean, there are thousands of them. They're leaving, and they're leaving in bigger numbers than ever. And what you do is you say, fine, you want to go to Mexico or some other country, good luck. We wish you a lot of luck. But if you think you're going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies or whatever you make and bring them into our country without a tax, you're wrong. And once you say you're going to have to tax them coming in, and our politicians never do this, because they have special interests and the special interests want those companies to leave, because in many cases, they own the companies. So what I'm saying is, we can stop them from leaving. We have to stop them from leaving. And that's a big, big factor.

* '''CLINTON''': Donald was one of the people who rooted for the [[wikipedia:United States housing bubble|housing crisis]]. He said, back in 2006, &quot;Gee, I hope it does collapse, because then I can go in and buy some and make some money.&quot; Well, it did collapse.
: '''TRUMP''': That's called business, by the way.

* We invested in a solar company, our country. That was a disaster. They lost plenty of money on that one. Now, look, I'm a great believer in all forms of energy, but we're putting a lot of people out of work. Our energy policies are a disaster. Our country is losing so much in terms of energy, in terms of paying off our debt. You can't do what you're looking to do with $20 trillion in debt. The Obama administration, from the time they've come in, is over 230 years' worth of debt, and he's topped it. He's doubled it in a course of almost eight years, seven-and-a-half years, to be semi- exact.

* We have to do a much better job at giving companies incentives to build new companies or to expand, because they're not doing it.

* NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country. And now you [Hillary Clinton] [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Trans-Pacific_Partnership|want to approve Trans-Pacific Partnership]]. You were totally in favor of it. Then you heard what I was saying, how bad it is, and you said, I can't win that debate. But you know that if you did win, you would approve that, and that will be almost as bad as NAFTA. Nothing will ever top NAFTA.

* You are going to approve one of the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Fiscal_policy_and_taxation|biggest tax cuts in history]]. You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. You are going to drive business out. Your regulations are a disaster, and you're going to increase regulations all over the place. And by the way, my tax cut is the biggest since [[wikipedia:Reaganomics|Ronald Reagan]]. I'm very proud of it. It will create tremendous numbers of new jobs. But regulations, you are going to regulate these businesses out of existence. ... The things that business as in people like the most is the fact that I'm cutting regulation. You have regulations on top of regulations, and new companies cannot form and old companies are going out of business. And you want to increase the regulations and make them even worse. I'm going to cut regulations. I'm going to cut taxes big league, and you're going to raise taxes big league, end of story.

* She's telling us how to fight ISIS. Just go to her website. She tells you how to fight ISIS on her website. I don't think General Douglas MacArthur would like that too much. ... See, you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you've been fighting ISIS your entire adult life.

* I'm really calling for major jobs, because the wealthy are going create tremendous jobs. They're going to expand their companies. They're going to do a tremendous job. I'm getting rid of the carried interest provision. And if you really look, it's not a tax -- it's really not a great thing for the wealthy. It's a great thing for the middle class. It's a great thing for companies to expand.

* We have the worst revival of an economy since the Great Depression. And believe me: '''We're in a bubble right now. And the only thing that looks good is the stock market, but if you raise interest rates even a little bit, that's going to come crashing down.'''

* I will release them as soon as the audit. Look, I've been under audit almost for 15 years. I know a lot of wealthy people that have never been audited. I said, do you get audited? I get audited almost every year. And in a way, I should be complaining. I'm not even complaining. I don't mind it. It's almost become a way of life. I get audited by the IRS. But other people don't. I will say this. We have a situation in this country that has to be taken care of. I will release my tax returns -- against my lawyer's wishes -- when she [Hillary Clinton] releases her 33,000 e-mails that have been deleted. As soon as she releases them, I will release.
** About releasing his tax returns.

* That makes me smart.
** About that Trump didn't pay [[wikipedia:Income tax in the United States|federal income taxes]].

* That was more than a mistake. That was done purposely. OK? That was not a mistake. That was done purposely. When you have your staff taking the [[Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment]], taking the Fifth so they're not prosecuted, when you have the man that set up the illegal server taking the Fifth, I think it's disgraceful.
** About {{w|Hillary Clinton email controversy}}

* As far as my tax returns, you don't learn that much from tax returns. That I can tell you. You learn a lot from financial disclosure. And you should go down and take a look at that.

* I am very under[[wiktionary:leverage|leveraged]]. I have a great company. I have a tremendous income. And the reason I say that is not in a braggadocios way. It's because it's about time that this country had somebody running it that has an idea about money.

* Maybe he didn't do a good job and I was unsatisfied with his work ... On occasion, four times, we used certain laws that are there. And when Secretary Clinton talks about people that didn't get paid, first of all, they did get paid a lot, but taken advantage of the laws of the nation. Now, if you want to change the laws, you've been there a long time, change the laws. But I take advantage of the laws of the nation because I'm running a company. My obligation right now is to do well for myself, my family, my employees, for my companies. And that's what I do. ... She [Hillary Clinton] doesn't say is that tens of thousands of people that are unbelievably happy and that love me.
** About not having paid to some of his employees.

* We need law and order. If we don't have it, we're not going to have a country. ... We need law and order in our country.

* We have a situation where we have our inner cities, African- Americans, Hispanics are living in hell because it's so dangerous. You walk down the street, you get shot.

* Now, whether or not in a place like Chicago you do [[wikipedia:Frisking|stop and frisk]], which worked very well, [[wikipedia:Rudolph Giuliani|Mayor Giuliani]] is here, [[wikipedia:Stop-and-frisk in New York City|worked very well in New York]]. It brought the crime rate way down. But you take the gun away from criminals that shouldn't be having it. We have [[wikipedia:Gangs in the United States|gangs roaming the street]]. And in many cases, they're illegally here, [[illegal immigrants]]. And they have guns. And they shoot people. And we have to be very strong. And we have to be very vigilant.

* Our police, in many cases, are afraid to do anything. We have to protect our inner cities, because African-American communities are being decimated by crime, decimated.

* '''HOLT''': Stop-and-frisk was ruled unconstitutional in New York, because it largely singled out black and Hispanic young men.
: '''TRUMP''': No, you're wrong. It went before a judge, who was a very against-police judge. It was taken away from her. And our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. They would have won an appeal. If you look at it, throughout the country, there are many places where it's allowed.
: '''HOLT''': The argument is that it's a form of racial profiling.
: '''TRUMP''': No, the argument is that we have to take the guns away from these people that have them and they are bad people that shouldn't have them.

* You need more police. You need a better community, you know, relation. ... You need better relationships between the communities and the police, because in some cases, it's not good.

* So when you [Hillary Clinton] tried to act holier than thou, it really doesn't work. It really doesn't.

* We should be better than anybody else, and perhaps we're not. I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that [[wikipedia:Democratic National Committee cyber attacks|broke into the DNC]]. She's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don't -- maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?

* We have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare.

* President Obama and Secretary Clinton created a vacuum the way they got [[wikipedia:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq|out of Iraq]], because they got out -- what, they shouldn't have been in, but once they got in, the way they got out was a disaster. And ISIS was formed.

* I said it to you once, had we taken the [[oil]] -- and we should have taken the oil -- ISIS would not have been able to form either, because the [[wikipedia:Oil production and smuggling in ISIL|oil was their primary source of income]]. And now they have the oil all over the place, including the oil -- a lot of the oil in Libya, which was another one of her disasters.

* You [Hillary Clinton] look at the Middle East, you started the Iran deal, that's another beauty where you have a country that was ready to fall, I mean, they were doing so badly. They were choking on the sanctions. And now they're going to be actually probably a major power at some point pretty soon, the way they're going.

* I think we have to get [[NATO]] to go into the Middle East with us, in addition to surrounding nations, and we have to knock the hell out of ISIS, and we have to do it fast, when ISIS formed in this vacuum created by Barack Obama and Secretary Clinton. And believe me, you were the ones that took out the troops. ... When they formed, this is something that never should have happened. It should have never happened. Now, you're talking about taking out ISIS. But you were there, and you were secretary of state when it was a little infant. Now it's in over 30 countries. And you're going to stop them? I don't think so.

* I think the best person in her [Clinton's] campaign is mainstream media.

* The single greatest problem the world has is nuclear armament, nuclear weapons, not global warming, like you think and your -- your president thinks.

====October 2016====
* I'd never withdraw. I've never withdrawn in my life.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/amid-growing-calls-to-drop-out-trump-vows-to-never-withdraw/2016/10/08/8c0b5b7a-8d68-11e6-bff0-d53f592f176e_story.html?postshare=8561475940907652&amp;tid=ss_tw phone call to the Washington Post] (8 October 2016)

* So important that you get out and vote. So important that you watch other communities, because we don't want this election stolen from us. We don't want this election stolen from us.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/10/11/donald-trump-unplugged-as-ever/ Transcript of speech] at [[wikipedia:Ambridge, Pennsylvania|Ambridge, Pennsylvania]] (October 10, 2016)

* '''Donald Trump''': Now, he's supposed to look like Donald Trump, but he's actually much too good looking. ''[to toddler]'' You are really handsome... Do you want to go back to [your parents] or do you want to stay with Donald Trump?&lt;br&gt;'''Toddler''': Trump.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snou8qrElnM Little Trump Look-Alike Comes on Stage with Donald in Wilkes-Barre 10/10/16], [[wikipedia:Right Side Broadcasting Network|Right Side Broadcasting]], ''YouTube''. Quoted in [http://people.com/politics/donald-trump-meets-his-mini-me-at-pennsylvania-rally/ &quot;Donald Trump Meets His Mini-Me at Pennsylvania Rally&quot;] by Dave Quinn, ''People.com'' (October 11, 2016).

* This event gives not only the candidates' chance to be with each other in very social setting it's also allowing the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate team, good team, I know Hillary met my campaign manager and I got chance meet people who are working so hard to get her elected, there they are...the head of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, there's the New York Times right over there and the Washington Post, they're working overtime, it's true...true... Oh this one gonna get me a trouble...
** Speech at the Al Smith Charity Dinner, 2016

* Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends and her donors.
* Honestly, she should be locked up. She should be. Should be locked up.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/14/us/politics/trump-comments-linked-to-antisemitism.html at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida] (October 13, 2016)

* She [Clinton] walks in front of me, she walks in front of me, you know. And when she walked in front of me, believe me I wasn't impressed.
* Reporters at The New York Times are not journalists. They're corporate lobbyists for Carlos Slim and Hillary Clinton.
* Believe me: She [one of the women accusing him of sexual assault] would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.
** [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/14/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-appearance-debate/ at a rally in Greensboro, N.C.] Also quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/us/politics/trump-speech-highlights.html?hp&amp;action=click&amp;pgtype=Homepage&amp;clickSource=story-heading&amp;module=first-column-region&amp;region=top-news&amp;WT.nav=top-news Donald Trump's Barrage of Heated Rhetoric Has Little Precedent] (October 14, 2016)

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt - and when I say corrupt, I'm talking about totally corrupt - political establishment [Obamacare] with a new government controlled by you, the American people. There is nothing the political establishment will not do. No lie that they won't tell to hold their prestige and power at your expense and that's what's been happening. The Washington establishment and the financial and media corporations that funded exist for only one reason: to protect and enrich itself. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. As an example, just one single trade deal they'd like to pass involves trillions of dollars controlled by many countries, corporations, and lobbyists. For those who controlled the levels of power in Washington, and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. Our campaign represents a true existential threat like they haven't seen before. 
** At a campaign rally in Florida (13 October 2016)

* No, no, lot of things are going on folks, lot of things. I think she's actually getting pumped up, if you want to know the truth, she's getting pumped up, you understand? In fact we're going to be talking about that in a few minutes. She's getting pumped up for Wednesday night. Let's see. You know, I don't know, maybe, we're like athletes, right? Hey, look, I beat seventeen senators, governors, I beat all these people, we're like athletes. Hillary beat Bernie, although it looks like Bernie got a little bit of a bad deal based on Wikileaks, right? If you look at Wikileaks. But we're like athletes, right? So athletes, they're making them more and more, but athletes, they make them take a drug test, right? I think we should take a drug test prior to the debate, I do. I think we should, why don't we do that? We should take a drug test, prior, because I don't know what's going on with her. But at the beginning of her last debate, she was all pumped up at the beginning, and at the end it was like, &quot;Uh, take me down.&quot; She could barely reach her car. So I think we should take a drug test, I'm, er, anyway I'm willing to do it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mE7YkeasOA At a rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, about his rival Hillary Clinton's performance during the presidential debates] (15 October 2016)

* Such a nasty woman. [of Hillary Clinton]
** Third Presidential debate (19 October 2016), [http://fortune.com/2016/10/19/presidential-debate-third-transcript/ full transcript] at ''[[wikipedia:Fortune (magazine)|fortune.com]]''.

* I would like to promise and pledge to all of my voters and supporters and to all of the people of the United States that I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election, ''if I win''.
** 20 October 2016, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Donald Trump: 'I will totally accept' election results 'if I win' |author=Jeremy Diamond |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/20/politics/donald-trump-i-will-totally-accept-election-results-if-i-win/index.html}}

* I'm going to fight for every American in every last part of this nation.  We have a president who doesn't fight.  He goes out and plays golf all the time.   
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] October 23 rally

*She didn't know what to do, well how did you get him, uh well uh... they were sent by Russia! You know they're always using Russia
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smKITCJJMnc&amp;t=18m30s October 25, 2016 rally in Sanford] regarding [[Donna Brazile]]

* And I have to give the FBI credit, that was so bad, what happened, originally, and it took guts for [[wikipedia:James Comey|Director Comey]] to make the move that he made, in light of the kind of opposition he had, with their trying to protect her from criminal prosecution, you know that. It took a lot of guts, I really disagreed with him, I was not his fan, but I'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation, he brought it back. He's got to hang tough, because there's a lot of, lotta people, want him to do the wrong thing, what he did was the right thing.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/31/donald-trump-james-comey-has-guts-grand-rapids-sot.cnn At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan] shortly after Comey announced the FBI would investigate further emails relating to Hillary Clinton, but before his statement that no incriminating information was found within them (31 October 2016)

=====Second presidential debate (October 9, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/us/politics/transcript-second-debate.html Transcript], ''{{w|New York Times}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''[[Anderson Cooper]]''': You bragged that you have sexually assaulted women. Do you understand that?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': No, I didn't say that at all. I don't think you understood what was — this was locker room talk.

* I have great respect for women. Nobody has more respect for women than I do.

* ...if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your [Hilary Clinton's] situation, because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it, and we're going to have a special prosecutor.

* '''Hillary Clinton''': ...it's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Because you'd be in jail.

* '''Cooper''': Please allow her to respond. She didn't talk while you talked.&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': Yes, that's true, I didn't.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because you have nothing to say.

* '''[[wikipedia:Martha Raddatz|Martha Raddatz]]''': ...you, Secretary Clinton, purportedly say you need both a public and private position on certain issues....&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': As I recall, that was something I said about Abraham Lincoln after having seen the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie ...&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Now she's blaming the lie on the late, great Abraham Lincoln. That's one that I haven't... OK, Honest Abe, Honest Abe never lied. That's the good thing. That's the big difference between Abraham Lincoln and you. That's a big, big difference. We're talking about some difference.

* I know nothing about Russia. I know — I know about Russia, but I know nothing about the inner workings of Russia.

* '''Cooper''': Did you use that $916 million loss to avoid paying personal federal income taxes for years?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Of course I do. Of course I do. And so do all of her donors, or most of her donors. ... I pay tremendous numbers of taxes. I absolutely used it. And so did Warren Buffett and so did George Soros and so did many of the other people that Hillary is getting money from. 

* ...NAFTA, signed by her husband, is perhaps the greatest disaster trade deal in the history of the world.

====November 2016====
* I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Sam Stein | date=2016-11-03 |title=Donald Trump Is Honored To Have The Greatest Temperament, Donald Trump Says | periodical=Huffington Post | url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-temperament_n_581b75d3e4b0b8e11a135eac}} 

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a new government controlled by you, the American people. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. For those who control the levers of power in Washington and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. The political establishment that is trying to stop us is the same group responsible for our disastrous trade deals, massive illegal immigration and economic and foreign policies that have bled our country dry. The political establishment has brought about the destruction of our factories and our jobs as they flee to Mexico, China and other countries all around the world. It's a global power structure that is responsible for the economic decisions that have robbed our working class, stripped our country of its wealth and put that money into the pockets of a handful of large corporations and political entities. The only thing that can stop this corrupt machine is you. The only force strong enough to save our country is us. The only people brave enough to vote out this corrupt establishment is you, the American people. I'm doing this for the people and the movement and we will take back this country for you and we will make America great again. I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message.
** Closing argument for America (4 November 2016)
*** Lines recycled from Trump's campaign rally in West Palm Beach, FL (10/13/2016)

* No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach. America will no longer settle for anything less than the best.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript.html Victory Speech] (9 November 2016)

* I think I'm a sober person. I think the press tries to make you into something a little bit different. In my case, a little bit of a wild man, I'm not, I'm actually not. I'm a very sober person.
** During an interview on 60 Minutes (11 November 2016)

* Today, I would like to provide the American people with an update on the White House transition and our policy plans for the first 100 days. Our transition team is working very smoothly, efficiently, and effectively.  Truly great and talented men and women, patriots indeed are being brought in and many will soon be a part of our government, helping us to Make America Great Again. My agenda will be based on a simple core principle: putting America First. Whether it's producing steel, building cars, or curing disease, I want the next generation of production and innovation to happen right here, in our great homeland: America – creating wealth and jobs for American workers. As part of this plan, I've asked my transition team to develop a list of executive actions we can take on day one to restore our laws and bring back our jobs. It's about time. These include the following: On trade, I am going to issue our notification of intent to withdraw from the Trans-Pacific Partnership, a potential disaster for our country.  Instead, we will negotiate fair, bilateral trade deals that bring jobs and industry back onto American shores. On energy, I will cancel job-killing restrictions on the production of American energy – including shale energy and clean coal – creating many millions of high-paying jobs.  That's what we want, that's what we've been waiting for. On regulation, I will formulate a rule which says that for every one new regulation, two old regulations must be eliminated, it's so important. On national security, I will ask the Department of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to develop a comprehensive plan to protect America's vital infrastructure from cyber-attacks, and all other form of attacks. On immigration, I will direct the Department of Labor to investigate all abuses of visa programs that undercut the American worker. On ethics reform, as part of our plan to Drain the Swamp, we will impose a five-year ban on executive officials becoming lobbyists after they leave the Administration – and a lifetime ban on executive officials lobbying on behalf of a foreign government. These are just a few of the steps we will take to reform Washington and rebuild our middle class. I will provide more updates in the coming days, as we work together to Make America Great Again for everyone.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xX_KaStFT8 A Message from President-Elect Donald J. Trump] (21 November 2016)

* We are very blessed to call this nation our home. And that is what America is: it is our home. It's where we raise our families, care for our loved ones, look out for our neighbors, and live out our dreams. It is my prayer, that on this Thanksgiving, we begin to heal our divisions and move forward as one country, strengthened by a shared purpose and very, very common resolve. In declaring this national holiday, President Lincoln called upon Americans to speak with &quot;one voice and one heart.&quot; That's just what we have to do. We have just finished a long and bruising political campaign. Emotions are raw and tensions just don't heal overnight. It doesn't go quickly, unfortunately, but we have before us the chance now to make history together to bring real change to Washington, real safety to our cities, and real prosperity to our communities, including our inner cities. So important to me, and so important to our country. But to succeed, we must enlist the effort of our entire nation. This historic political campaign is now over. Now begins a great national campaign to rebuild our country and to restore the full promise of America for all of our people. I am asking you to join me in this effort. It is time to restore the bonds of trust between citizens. Because when America is unified, there is nothing beyond our reach, and I mean absolutely nothing. Let us give thanks for all that we have, and let us boldly face the exciting new frontiers that lie ahead. Thank you. God Bless You and God Bless America.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUnv6Kb7syQ A Thanksgiving Message from President-Elect Donald J. Trump] (23 November 2016)

=====''New York Times'' Interview (November 23, 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;''{{w|New York Times}}'' Interview, [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/23/us/politics/trump-new-york-times-interview-transcript.html?smid=tw-share Transcript] (November 23, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* People are giving up tremendous careers in order to be subject to you folks and subject to a lot of other folks. But they're giving up a lot. I mean some are giving up tremendous businesses in order to sit for four or maybe eight or whatever the period of time is. But I think we're going to see some tremendous talent, tremendous talent coming in. We have many people for every job. I mean no matter what the job is, we have many incredible people. I think, [[wikipedia:Reince Priebus|Reince]], you can sort of just confirm that. The quality of the people is very good. ... We're trying very hard to get the best people. Not necessarily people that will be the most politically correct people, because that hasn't been working. So we have really experts in the field. Some are known and some are not known, but they're known within their field as being the best. That's very important to me.
* I think the popular vote would have been easier in a true sense because you'd go to a few places. I think that's the genius of the Electoral College. I was never a fan of the Electoral College until now.
* What we do want to do is we want to bring the country together, because the country is very, very divided, and that's one thing I did see, big league. It's very, very divided, and I'm going to work very hard to bring the country together.
* I want to move forward, I don't want to move back. And I don't want to hurt the Clintons. I really don't. She went through a lot. And suffered greatly in many different ways. And I am not looking to hurt them at all. The campaign was vicious. They say it was the most vicious primary and the most vicious campaign. I guess, added together, it was definitely the most vicious; probably, I assume you sold a lot of newspapers. ... It's just not something that I feel very strongly about. ... I'm not looking to look back and go through this. This was a very painful period. This was a very painful election with all of the email things and all of the foundation things and all of the everything that they went through and the whole country went through. This was a very painful period of time.
** About not prosecuting Hillary Clinton.
* Our country's really in bad, big trouble. We have a lot of trouble. A lot of problems. And one of the big problems, I talk about, [[divisiveness]]. I think that a lot of people will appreciate … I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm doing it because it's time to go in a different direction.
* '''Clean air is vitally important. Clean water, crystal clean water is vitally important. Safety is vitally important.'''
* Sometimes I'll say I'm actually an [[environmentalist]] and people will smile in some cases and other people that know me understand that's true. Open mind.
* We're not a competitive nation with other nations anymore. We have to make ourselves competitive. We're not competitive for a lot of reasons. That's becoming more and more of the reason. Because a lot of these countries that we do business with, they make deals with our president, or whoever, and then they don't adhere to the deals, you know that. And it's much less expensive for their companies to produce products. So I'm going to be studying that very hard, and I think I have a very big voice in it. And I think my voice is listened to, especially by people that don't believe in it. And we'll let you know.
* As far as the, you know, potential conflict of interests, though, I mean I know that from the standpoint, the law is totally on my side, meaning, the president can't have a conflict of interest. That's been reported very widely. Despite that, I don't want there to be a conflict of interest anyway. And the laws, the president can't. And I understand why the president can't have a conflict of interest now because everything a president does in some ways is like a conflict of interest.
* I don't care about my company. ... Because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to me is running our country.
* It's hard to explain. I don't care about anything having to do with anything having to do with anything other than the country.
* In theory I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly. And there's never been a case like this where somebody's had, like, if you look at other people of wealth, they didn't have this kind of asset and this kind of wealth, frankly. It's just a different thing.
* I've known {{w|Steve Bannon}} a long time. If I thought he was a [[racist]], or [[alt-right]], or any of the things that we can, you know, the terms we can use, I wouldn't even think about hiring him. First of all, I'm the one that makes the decision, not Steve Bannon or anybody else.
* To me more important is taking care of the people that really have proven to be, to love Donald Trump, as opposed to the political people. And frankly if the political people don't take care of these people, they're not going to win and you're going to end up with maybe a total different kind of government than what you're looking at right now. These people are really angry. They're smart, they're workers, and they're angry. I call them the forgotten men and women. And I use that in speeches, I say they're the forgotten people — they were totally forgotten.
* I would love to be able to be the one that made peace with Israel and the Palestinians. I would love that, that would be such a great achievement. Because nobody's been able to do it. ...  I've had a lot of, actually, great Israeli businesspeople tell me, you can't do that, it's impossible. I disagree, I think you can make peace. I think people are tired now of being shot, killed. At some point, when do they come? I think we can do that. I have reason to believe I can do that.
* [[The Times]] is, it's a great, great American jewel. A world jewel.

====December 2016====
* There is no global anthem, no global currency, no certificate of global citizenship, we pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the American Flag!
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBqIUF-cdgY#t=15m38s Thank You Tour - Cincinnati, Ohio] (01 December 2016)

* Funny how that term caught on, isn't it? I tell everyone, I hated it. Somebody said 'drain the swamp' and I said, 'Oh, that is so hokey. That is so terrible.' I said, all right, I'll try it. So like a month ago I said 'drain the swamp' and the place went crazy. And I said 'Whoa, what's this?' Then I said it again. And then I start saying it like I meant it, right? And then I started to love it, and the place loved it. Drain the swamp. It's true. It's true. Drain the swamp.
** [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/21/trump-adviser-says-he-is-ditching-drain-the-swamp.html During a rally in Des Moines, Iowa] (December 2016)

* We will pursue a new foreign policy that finally learns from the mistakes of the past. We will stop looking to topple regimes and overthrow governments. ... Our goal is stability, not chaos, because we want to rebuild our country. It's time.
** Speaking at U.S. Bank Arena, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-12-01 |title=Trump's new foreign policy: 'We will stop looking to topple regimes' |author=Anna Giaritelli |periodical={{w|Washington Examiner}} |url=http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trumps-new-foreign-policy-we-will-stop-looking-to-topple-regimes/article/2608687}}

===2017===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2017 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's presidency began
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====January 2017====
* '''Reporter:''' Would a reasonable observer say that you are potentially vulnerable to blackmail by Russia or by its intelligence agencies?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' Lemme just tell you what I do. When I leave our country, I'm a very high-profile person, would you say? I am extremely careful. I'm surrounded by bodyguards. I'm surrounded by people. And I always tell them—anywhere, but I always tell them if I'm leaving this country, &quot;Be very careful, because in your hotel rooms and no matter where you go, you're gonna probably have cameras.&quot; I'm not referring just to Russia, but I would certainly put them in that category. And number one, &quot;I hope you're gonna be good anyway. But in those rooms, you have cameras in the strangest places. Cameras that are so small with modern technology, you can't see them and you won't know. You better be careful, or you'll be watching yourself on nightly television.&quot; I tell this to people all the time. I was in Russia years ago, with the Miss Universe contest, which did very well—Moscow, the Moscow area did very, very well. And I told many people, &quot;Be careful, because you don't wanna see yourself on television. Cameras all over the place.&quot;&lt;br&gt;And again, not just Russia, all over. Does anyone really believe that story? I'm also very much of a germaphobe, by the way, believe me.
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/11/us/politics/trump-press-conference-transcript.html, Donald Trump Press Conference at Trump Tower] (11 January 2017)

[[File:Donald_Trump_delivering_inauguration_speech_01-20-17_(cropped).jpg|thumb|From this moment on, it's going to be America First.]][[File:2017_Presidential_Inauguration_CV6A0663.jpg|thumb|I looked out, the field was, looked like million, million and a half people.]]
* I looked out, the field was, looked like million, million and a half people. They showed a field where there was practically nobody standing there. And they said, &quot;Donald Trump did not draw well.&quot; I said, &quot;It was almost raining!&quot; The rain should've scared them away but God looked down and said we're not going to let it rain on your speech. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMBqDN7-QLg Trump speaking at the CIA Headquarters about his inauguration crowd and the press coverage], FOX 10 Phoenix (21 January 2017)

* But when you look at this tremendous sea of love — I call it a &quot;sea of love&quot; — it's really something special.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDvoBoxv028 Trump describing a framed photograph of his inauguration crowd during an interview with David Muir], ABC (25 January 2017)

* [About David Becker] He's grovelling again. You know, I always talk about the reporters that grovel when they want to write something that you want to hear but not necessarily millions of people want to hear or have to hear.
** [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38764653/ &quot;Trump's voter fraud talk has liberals worried&quot;], BBC (27 January 2017)

* We want to ensure that we are not admitting into our country the very threats our soldiers are fighting overseas.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/01/27/politics/trump-plans-to-sign-executive-action-on-refugees-extreme-vetting/ &quot;Trump signs executive order to keep out 'radical Islamic terrorists'&quot;], CNN (27 January 2017)

* I've always felt the need to pray...I would say that the office is so powerful that you need God even more.
** [http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/entertainment/2017/january/worship-artist-credits-psalms-91-for-miraculous-cancer-healing Trump's interview with David Brody], CBN News (29 January 2017)

=====Inaugural address, (January 20, 2017)=====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/the-inaugural-address/ Transcript] (January 20, 2017)&lt;/small&gt;

*[[John Roberts|Chief Justice Roberts]], [[Jimmy Carter|President Carter]], President Clinton, President Bush, President Obama, fellow Americans, and people of the world: Thank you. We, the citizens of America, are now joined in a great national effort to rebuild our country and restore its promise for all of our people. Together, we will determine the course of America and the world for many, many years to come. We will face challenges, we will confront hardships, but we will get the job done. Every 4 years, we gather on these steps to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power, and we are grateful to President Obama and [[Michelle Obama|First Lady Michelle Obama]] for their gracious aid throughout this transition. They have been magnificent. Thank you.
* Today's ceremony, however, has very special meaning. '''Because today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, DC, and giving it back to you, the people. For too long, a small group in our Nation's Capital has reaped the rewards of Government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth.''' '''Politicians prospered, but the jobs left, and the factories closed. The establishment protected itself, but not the citizens of our country.''' '''Their victories have not been your victories; their triumphs have not been your triumphs; and while they celebrated in our Nation's Capital, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land.''' That all changes, starting right here and right now, because this moment is your moment: It belongs to you. It belongs to everyone gathered here today and everyone watching all across America. This is your day. This is your celebration. And this, the United States of America, is your country. What truly matters is not which party controls our Government, but whether our Government is controlled by the people. '''January 20, 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this Nation again. The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer. Everyone is listening to you now.'''
* '''You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement the likes of which the world has never seen before. At the center of this movement is a crucial conviction: that a nation exists to serve its citizens.''' Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighborhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves. These are just and reasonable demands of righteous people and a righteous public. But for too many of our citizens, a different reality exists: Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities; rusted-out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our Nation; an education system, flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge; and the crime and the gangs and the drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential. This American carnage stops right here and stops right now. We are one Nation, and their pain is our pain, their dreams are our dreams, and their success will be our success. We share one heart, one home, and one glorious destiny. The oath of office I take today is an oath of allegiance to all Americans.
* For many decades, we've enriched foreign industry at the expense of American industry, subsidized the armies of other countries while allowing for the very sad depletion of our military. We've defended other nations' borders while refusing to defend our own and spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas while America's infrastructure has fallen into disrepair and decay. We've made other countries rich while the wealth, strength, and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon. One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores, with not even a thought about the millions and millions of American workers that were left behind. The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world. But that is the past. And now we are looking only to the future. '''We, assembled here today, are issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power. From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. From this this day forward, it's going to be only America first. America first.''' Every decision on trade, on taxes, on immigration, on foreign affairs, will be made to benefit American workers and American families.
* We must protect our borders from the ravages of other countries making our products, stealing our companies, and destroying our jobs. Protection will lead to great prosperity and strength. I will fight for you with every breath in my body, and I will never, ever let you down. America will start winning again, winning like never before. We will bring back our jobs. We will bring back our borders. We will bring back our wealth. And we will bring back our dreams. We will build new roads and highways and bridges and airports and tunnels and railways all across our wonderful Nation. We will get our people off of welfare and back to work, rebuilding our country with American hands and American labor. We will follow two simple rules: Buy American and hire American. We will seek friendship and good will with the nations of the world, but we do so with the understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their own interests first. We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example—we will shine—for everyone to follow. '''We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones and unite the civilized world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth.''' '''At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America, and through our loyalty to our country, we will rediscover our loyalty to each other. When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice. The Bible tells us, &quot;How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity.&quot; We must speak our minds openly, debate our disagreements honestly, but always pursue solidarity. When America is united, America is totally unstoppable.''' There should be no fear: We are protected, and we will always be protected. We will be protected by the great men and women of our military and law enforcement, and most importantly, we will be protected by God.
* Finally, we must think big and dream even bigger. In America, we understand that a nation is only living as long as it is striving. We will no longer accept politicians who are all talk and no action, constantly complaining, but never doing anything about it. The time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of action. Do not allow anyone to tell you that it cannot be done. No challenge can match the heart and fight and spirit of America. We will not fail. Our country will thrive and prosper again. We stand at the birth of a new millennium, ready to unlock the mysteries of space, to free the Earth from the miseries of disease, and to harness the energies, industries, and technologies of tomorrow. A new national pride will stir our souls, lift our sights, and heal our divisions.
* It's time to remember that old wisdom our soldiers will never forget: that whether we are Black or Brown or White, we all bleed the same red blood of patriots, we all enjoy the same glorious freedoms, and we all salute the same great American flag. And whether a child is born in the urban sprawl of [[Detroit]] or the windswept plains of Nebraska, they look up at the same night sky, they fill their heart with the same dreams, and they are infused with the breath of life by the same almighty Creator. So to all Americans in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean, hear these words: You will never be ignored again. Your voice, your hopes, and your dreams will define our American destiny. And your courage and goodness and love will forever guide us along the way. '''Together, we will make America strong again. We will make America wealthy again. We will make America proud again. We will make America safe again. And, yes, together, we will make America great again.''' Thank you. God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you. God bless America.

====February 2017====
* I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about [[Reverend King]], so many other things, [[Frederick Douglass]] is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice. [[Harriet Tubman]], [[Rosa Parks]], and millions more [[black American]]s who made [[America] what it is today. Big impact
** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/02/frederick-douglass-trump/515292/ Donald Trump's Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass] February 1, 2017

*As we celebrate National African American History Month, we recognize the heritage and achievements of African Americans.  The contributions African Americans have made and continue to make are an integral part of our society, and the history of African Americans exemplifies the resilience and innovative spirit that continue to make our Nation great
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-february-national-african-american-history-month/ 2 February 2017]

* For us here in Washington, we must never ever stop asking God for the wisdom to serve the public according to His will. But we had tremendous success on ''The Apprentice'' and, when I ran for President, I had to leave the show, that's when I knew for sure I was doing it, and they hired a big, big movie star, [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], to take my place, and we know how that turned out. The ratings went right down the tubes, it's been a total disaster, and Mark [Burnett] will never, ever bet against Trump again, and I want to just pray for Arnold, if we can, for those rating, OK?
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyxacu5AslI Trump's &quot;National Prayer Breakfast&quot; speech] (2 February 2017)

* We have to be tough. It's time we're going to be a little bit tough, folks. We're taken advantage by every nation in the world, virtually. It's not going to happen anymore.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/feb/02/donald-trump-australia-refugees-malcolm-turnbull-phone-call White House suggests US may still accept Australia refugees despite clash] (2 February 2017)

* It's gotten to a point where it's not even being reported, and in many cases the very, very dishonest press doesn't want to report it. They have their reasons and you understand that.
** [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38890090 Trump on the reporting of terrorist attacks during a speech given at MacDill Air Force Base] (6 February 2017)

* Who is the state senator? Do you want to give me his name? We'll destroy his career.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1SKm1hTWq0 Trump responding to Sheriff Harold Eavenson's statement] about a Texas state senator proposing legislation to require convictions before sheriffs could receive forfeiture money. (7 February 2017)

* I listened to a panel of judges and I'll comment on that — I will not comment on the statements made by, um, certainly one judge — but I have to be honest that if these judges wanted to, in my opinion, help the court, in terms of respect for the court, they'd do what they should be doing. I mean it's so sad, they should be, you know, when you read something so simple, and so beautifully written, and so perfectly written — other than the one statement, of course, having to do with &quot;he&quot; or &quot;she&quot; — but when you read something so perfectly written, and so clear to anybody, and then you have lawyers and you watched, I watched last night in amazement, and I heard things that I couldn't believe, things that really had nothing to do with what I just read, and I don't ever want to call a court biased, so I won't call it biased, and we haven't had a decision yet, but courts seem to be so political, and it would be so great for our justice system if they would be able to read a statement and do what's right.
* Every child in America should be able to play outside without fear, walk home without danger, and attend a school without being worried about drugs or gangs or violence.
** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/02/08/remarks-president-trump-mcca-winter-conference Remarks by President Trump at MCCA Winter Conference] (8 February 2017)

* Well I just want to say that we are, you know, very honored by the victory that we had, 306 electoral college votes, we were not supposed to crack 220, you [turning to the Israeli PM] know that right? There was no way to 221, but then they said there's no way to 270 [Netanyahu tries to respond, but Trump continues, so then mouths &quot;I thought he was talking to me&quot;] and there's tremendous enthusiasm out there. I will say that, um, we are going to have peace, in this country, we are going to stop crime, in this country, we are going to do everything within our power to stop long-simmering racism, and every other thing that's going on, because a lot of bad things have been taking place over a long period of time. I think one of the reasons I won the election is we have a very, very divided nation, very divided, and hopefully I'll be able to do something about that, and I, you know, it's something that was very important to me. As far as people, Jewish people, so many friends, a daughter who happens to be here right now, a son-in-law, and three beautiful grandchildren, I think that you're going to see a lot different United States of America over the next three, four, or eight years, er, I think a lot of good things are happening, and you're going to see a lot of love, you're going to see a lot of love.
** Trump responding to a reporter's question about rising anti-Semitic incidents and a perception of xenophobia in his administration, during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmfseeZt5fA joint press conference with Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel] (15 February 2017)

* The press has become so dishonest that if we don't talk about, we are doing a tremendous disservice to the American people. Tremendous disservice. We have to talk to find out what's going on, because the press honestly is out of control. The level of dishonesty is out of control.
* I guess it was the [[wikipedia:List_of_United_States_presidential_elections_by_Electoral_College_margin|biggest Electoral College win]] since Ronald Reagan.
* This administration is running like a fine-tuned machine.
[[File:Michael_Flynn_(30020745053).jpg|thumb|Mike Flynn is a fine person, and I asked for his resignation.]]
* Mike Flynn is a fine person, and I asked for his resignation. He respectfully gave it. He is a man who there was a certain amount of information given to Vice President Pence, who is with us today. And I was not happy with the way that information was given. He didn't have to do that, because what he did wasn't wrong. What he did in terms of the information he saw. What was wrong was the way that other people, including yourselves in this room, were given that information, because that was classified information that was given illegally. That's the real problem.
* Look, when I go to rallies, they turn around, they start screaming at CNN. They want to throw their placards at CNN. You know. I think you would do much better by being different.
* Tomorrow, they will say, &quot;Donald Trump rants and raves at the press.&quot; I'm not ranting and raving. I'm just telling you. You know, you're dishonest people. But, but I'm not ranting and raving. I love this. I'm having a good time doing it. But tomorrow, the headlines are going to be, &quot;Donald Trump rants and raves.&quot; I'm not ranting and raving.
[[File:HEUraniumC.jpg|thumb|You know what uranium is, right? It's a thing called nuclear weapons and other things like lots of things are done with uranium including some bad things.]]
* You know what uranium is, right? It's a thing called nuclear weapons and other things like lots of things are done with uranium including some bad things.
* In the meantime, Mosul is very, very difficult. Do you know why? Because I don't talk about military, and I don't talk about certain other things, you're going to be surprised to hear that. And by the way, my whole campaign, I'd say that. So I don't have to tell you. I don't want to be one of these guys that say, &quot;Yes, here's what we're going to do.&quot; I don't have to do that. I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do in North Korea. Wait a minute. I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do in North Korea. And I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do with Iran. You know why? Because they shouldn't know. And eventually, you guys are going to get tired of asking that question.
* Where are you from? [The reporter responds that he is from the BBC] Here's another beauty.
* Do you want to set up the meeting? Are they friends of yours? [Addressing an African-American reporter and referring to the Congressional Black Caucus]
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/16/us/politics/donald-trump-press-conference-transcript.html?_r=0 Comments made during a news conference at the White House] (16 February 2017)

*I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life
**17 February 2017 per [https://www.cnbc.com/2017/02/16/donald-trump-i-am-the-least-anti-semitic-racist-person-that-youve-ever-seen.html CNBC]

* You look at what's happening {{w|last night in Sweden}}. Sweden! Who would believe this, Sweden! They took in large numbers, they're having problems like they never thought possible.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMLK15edOUY Trump speaking at mass rally of his supporters in Melbourne, Florida] (18 February 2017)

* And I want you all to know that we are fighting the fake news. It's fake, phony, fake. A few days ago I called the fake news the [[wikipedia:enemy of the people|enemy of the people]], and they are, they are the enemy of the people.
* They shouldn't be allowed to use sources unless they use somebody's name. Let their name be put out there. Let their name be put out.
* I love Sweden, great country, great people, I love Sweden. But they understand, the people over there understand I'm right. Take a look at [[wikipedia:Crime in Sweden|what's happening in Sweden]].
* I have a friend, he's a very, very substantial guy. He loves the city of lights, he loves Paris. For years, every year during the summer, he would go to Paris, was automatic with his wife and his family. Hadn't seen him in a while and I said, Jim, let me ask you a question, how's Paris doing? &quot;Paris? I don't go there anymore, Paris is no longer Paris.&quot;
** [http://time.com/4682023/cpac-donald-trump-speech-transcript/ Trump speaking at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference] (24 February 2017)

* It's an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew healthcare could be so complicated.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/feb/27/trump-healthcare-complicated-budget-video Speaking at the National Governors Association meeting at the White House] (27 February 2017)

*Nations around the world, like Canada, Australia and many others – have a merit-based immigration system. It is a basic principle that those seeking to enter a country ought to be able to support themselves financially,&lt;br&gt;Yet, in America, we do not enforce this rule, straining the very public resources that our poorest citizens rely upon.&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;With the help of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, we have formed a Council with our neighbors in Canada to help ensure that women entrepreneurs have access to the networks, markets and capital they need to start a business and live out their financial dreams&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;America respects the right of all nations to chart their own path. My job is not to represent the world. My job is to represent the United States of America&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;It is not compassionate, but reckless, to allow uncontrolled entry from places where proper vetting cannot occur,&lt;br&gt;We cannot allow a beachhead of terrorism to form inside America -- we cannot allow our nation to become a sanctuary for extremists.
**[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/us-politics/donald-trump-congress-speech-immigration/article34158135/ 28 February 2017, per Globe and Mail]

====March 2017====
* As we stand together with our Irish friends, I'm reminded of that proverb – and this is a good one, this is one I like, I've heard it for many many years and I love it – &quot;Always remember to forget the friends that proved untrue, but never forget to remember those that have stuck by you.&quot; We know that, politically speaking, a lot of us know that, we know it well, it's a great phrase.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/mar/17/trumps-irish-proverb-causes-derision-on-the-web Trump speaking during a visit of Enda Kenny, the then Irish head of government] (17 March 2017)

====April 2017====
*Let's fucking kill him! Let's go in. Let's kill the fucking lot of them.
**About [[Bashar al-Assad]], as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/bob-woodwards-new-book-reveals-a-nervous-breakdown-of-trumps-presidency/2018/09/04/b27a389e-ac60-11e8-a8d7-0f63ab8b1370_story.html?noredirect=on&amp;utm_term=.f1bf8ed6690c &quot;Bob Woodward's new book reveals a ‘nervous breakdown' of Trump's presidency&quot;] (4 September 2018), by Philip Rucker and Robert Costa, ''The Washington Post''
*Today's chemical attack in Syria against innocent people, including women and children, is reprehensible and cannot be ignored by the civilized world. These heinous actions by the Bashar al-Assad regime are a consequence of the past administration's weakness and irresolution. President Obama said in 2012 that he would establish a &quot;red line&quot; against the use of chemical weapons and then did nothing. The United States stands with our allies across the globe to condemn this intolerable attack.
**[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-the-chemical-weapons-attack-khan-sheikhoun-syria Statement on the Chemical Weapons Attack in Khan Sheikhoun, Syria], ''American Presidency Project'', (6 September 2017)

* It was a slow and brutal death for so many…Even beautiful babies were cruelly murdered in this very barbaric attack.
** President Trump on Syria's chemical weapons attack, [http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/trump-blasts-syria-murdering-civilians-u-s-strike-article-1.3027449 &quot;President Trump blasts Syria for 'cruelly murdering' its own people as U.S. fires at least 50 missiles at airfield&quot;], 6 April 2017.

* We had finished dinner. We're now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen and President [[Xi Jinping|Xi]] was enjoying it.
* So what happens is, I said we've just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq. [Interviewer interrupts to correct him] Yes, heading toward Syria.
** President Trump explaining his decision to launch a missile strike while dining with Chinese President Xi Jinping, [http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/12/politics/donald-trump-xi-jingping-syria-chocolate-cake/ &quot;Trump, Xi talked Syria strike over 'beautiful' chocolate cake&quot;], 12 April 2017.

* So this is promoting agriculture and rural prosperity in America. And, now, there's a lot of words I won't bother reading everything.
** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/04/25/remarks-president-trump-farmers-roundtable-and-executive-order-signing Remarks by President Trump in Farmers Roundtable and Executive Order Signing Promoting Agriculture and Rural Prosperity in America] (April 25, 2017)

[[File:Shinzō_Abe_and_Donald_Trump_in_Palm_Beach_(3).jpeg|thumb|I thought it would be easier.]]
* I thought it would be easier.
** [http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-100days-idUSKBN17U0CA Trump discussing his first 100 days in interview with Reuters] (April 27, 2017)

* I think we've done more than perhaps any president in the first 100 days.... Not since [President] [[Harry Truman]] has anybody done so much.
** Interview with President Trump, [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/full-interview-with-president-trump-on-his-first-100-days/article/2621516 &quot;Full interview with President Trump on his first 100 days&quot;], 28 April 2017.

====May 2017====
* People don't realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why?
** [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-why-couldn-t-civil-war-have-been-avoided-n753241 Trump: Why Couldn't the Civil War Have Been Avoided?] (May 1, 2017)
* No American should be forced to choose between the dictates of the federal government and the tenets of their faith.
** [http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/05/04/what-trump-understands-about-religious-liberty-in-america.html What Trump understands about religious liberty in America?] (May 4, 2017)

[[File:James_Comey_official_portrait.jpg|thumb|I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job.]]
* I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job.&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;I faced great pressure because of Russia. That's taken off.&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;I'm not under investigation.
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/19/us/politics/trump-russia-comey.html Part of Trump's conversation with Russian officials invited to the White House], according to the official account of the meeting (10 May 2017)
* Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven't heard it. I mean, I just... I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good. It's what you have to do.
** [http://www.economist.com/Trumptranscript Trump claiming to have invented the term &quot;prime the pump&quot;] in the context of [[wikipedia:Stimulus_(economics)|economic stimulus]] during an interview published in [[The Economist]] (11 May 2017)
* And in fact, when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, &quot;You know, this Russia thing, with Trump and Russia, is a made-up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election.&quot;
** [http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/president-trump-this-russia-thing-is-a-made-up-story-941962819745 Trump admitting in an interview with NBC's Lester Holt] that annoyance at federal investigations was a motivation for firing FBI Director James Comey (11 May 2017)
* Nothing is easier or more pathetic than being a critic. Because they're people that can't get the job done. But the future belongs to the dreamers, not to the critics. The future belongs to the people who follow their heart no matter what the critics say.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B421uhrOV-o&amp;feature=youtu.be&amp;t=12m34s Liberty University commencement speech] (13 May 2017)
* Look at the way I have been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse, or more unfairly.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/may/17/donald-trump-media-coast-guard-speech-video Trump being a critic of the media during his speech at the US Coast Guard Academy commencement ceremony] (17 May 2017)
* Oh my God.  This is terrible.  '''This is the end of my Presidency.  I'm fucked.''' 
** On the appointment of a special counsel in the Russia investigation.  As quoted in [[:commons:File:Report On The Investigation Into Russian Interference In The 2016 Presidential Election.pdf|&quot;Report On The Investigation Into Russian Interference In The 2016 Presidential Election&quot;]] by Robert S. Mueller III, Volume II, page 78. 
* So many young, beautiful, innocent people living and enjoying their lives murdered by evil losers in life, I won't call them monsters because they would like that term. They would think that's a great name. I will call them from now on losers because that's what they are. They're losers. And we'll have more of them. But they're losers—just remember that.
** [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2017/05/trump-manchester-losers/527745/]

====June 2017====
* I was elected represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.
** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/06/01/statement-president-trump-paris-climate-accord Statement by President Trump on the Paris Climate Accord], announcing his intention to withdraw the US from the {{w|Paris Agreement}} (1 June 2017)

* History is written by the dreamers, not the doubters.
[[File:Family trump in the Easter Egg Roll (cropped).jpg|thumb|I love all people, rich or poor, but in those particular positions I just don't want a poor person.]]
* I love all people, rich or poor, but in those particular positions I just don't want a poor person.
* We're thinking about building the wall as a solar wall, so it [[wikipedia:Conservation of energy|creates energy]], and pays for itself. And this way Mexico will have to pay much less money, and that's good, right, is that good? You're the first group I've told that to, a solar wall, makes sense, let's see, we're working it out, we'll see, solar wall, panels, beautiful. I mean actually think of it, the higher it goes the more valuable it is, it's like... pretty good imagination ''[points to his own head]'', right, good? My idea.
** [http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/06/21/president-trump-holds-iowa-rally-live-blog.html President Trump Holds a Rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa] (21 June 2017)
* Well I didn't tape him — you never know what's happening, when you see that the Obama administration, and perhaps longer than that, was doing all of this unmasking and, er, surveillance, and you read all about it, and I've been reading about for the last couple of months about the seriousness of the, and horrible situation, with surveillance all over the place, and you've been hearing the word 'unmasking', a word you probably never heard before, so you never know what's out there — but I didn't tape, and I don't have any tape, and I didn't tape.
* Well, er, it wasn't, er, it wasn't very stupid, I can tell you that. ''[In response to the interviewer suggesting that his tweeting that there were tapes was a smart tactic]''
** [http://insider.foxnews.com/2017/06/23/trump-comey-tapes-tweet-mueller-probe-fox-friends-interview Trump interviewed by Ainsley Earhardt on Fox &amp; Friends] (23 June 2017)
* I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don't watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year's Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/29/business/media/trump-mika-brzezinski-facelift.html Trump Mocks Mika Brzezinski] (29 June 2017)

[[File:Donald_Trump_(29273256122)_-_Cropped.jpg|thumb|The human soul yearns for discovery. By unlocking the mysteries of the universe, we unlock truths within ourselves.]]
* The human soul yearns for discovery.  By unlocking the mysteries of the universe, we unlock truths within ourselves.  That's true.  Our journey into space will not only make us stronger and more prosperous, but will unite us behind grand ambitions and bring us all closer together.  Wouldn't that be nice?  Can you believe that space is going to do that?  I thought politics would do that.  (Laughter.)  Well, we'll have to rely on space instead. 
* Every launch into the skies is another step forward toward a future where our differences seem small against the vast expanse of our common humanity.  Sometimes you have to view things from a distance in order to see the real truth.  It is America's destiny to be at the forefront of humanity's eternal quest for knowledge and to be the leader amongst nations on our adventure into the great unknown.
* Space. A lotta room out there, right? ''[Buzz Aldrin interjects: To infinity and beyond!]'' This is infinity, it could be infinity, we don't really don't know, but it could be, there's gotta be something, but it could be infinity, right?
** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/06/30/remarks-president-signing-executive-order-national-space-council Trump speaking while signing an Executive Order on the National Space Council] (30 June 2017)

====July 2017====
* The fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive. Do we have the confidence in our values to defend them at any cost? Do we have enough respect for our citizens to protect our borders? Do we have the desire and the courage to preserve our civilization in the face of those who would subvert and destroy it?
** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/07/06/remarks-president-trump-people-poland-july-6-2017 Remarks by President Trump to the People of Poland] (6 July 2017)

* ...let Obamacare fail, it will be a lot easier. And I think we're probably in that position where we'll let Obamacare fail. We're not going to own it. I'm not going to own it. I can tell you the Republicans are not going to own it. We'll let Obamacare fail, and then the Democrats are going to come to us.
** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2017-07-18}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2017-07-18|author=Thomas Kaplan|title=‘Let Obamacare Fail,’ Trump Says as G.O.P. Health Bill Collapses|periodical=New York Times|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/18/us/politics/republicans-obamacare-repeal-now-replace-later.html}}

* I am disappointed in the Attorney General, he should not have [[wikipedia:Judicial_disqualification|recused himself]], almost immediately after he took office, and if he was going to recuse himself he should have told me prior to taking office, and I would have quite simply picked somebody else, so I think that's a bad thing, not for the President but for the presidency, I think it's unfair to the presidency, and that's the way I feel.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgImDKyPZwg Trump responding to a question] about [[Jeff Sessions]] in a White House press briefing (25 July 2017)

* I said please [[w:Police brutality in the United States|don't be too nice]]. Like when you guys put somebody in the car, and you're protecting their head, you know, the way you put the hand over, like, don't hit their head, and they've just killed somebody, don't hit their head? I said, you can take the hand away, OK.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFgjNPiq9Cw Speaking to police officers] at Suffolk County Community College, Long Island (28 July 2017)

=====2017 National Scout Jamboree (July 24, 2017)=====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TplF26czQVE Trump inspiring young people at the 2017 National Scout Jamboree] (24 July 2017)&lt;/small&gt;

* I said, who the hell wants to speak about politics when I'm in front of the boy scouts, right?

* You know, I go to Washington and I see all these politicians, and I see the swamp, and it's not a good place, in fact, today I said we ought to change it from the word 'swamp' to the word 'cesspool' or perhaps to the word 'sewer'. But it's not good, not good.

* Secretary Tom Price is also here. Today Dr. Price still lives the scout oath, helping to keep millions of Americans strong and healthy as our Secretary of Health and Human Services, and he's doing a great job. And, hopefully, he's going to get the votes tomorrow to start our path toward killing this horrible thing known as Obamacare that's really hurting us, folks. By the way, you going to get the votes? He better get them. He better get them. Oh, he better, otherwise I'll say, &quot;Tom, you're fired.&quot;

* Turn those cameras back there, please, that is so incredible. By the way, what do you think the chances are that this incredible, massive crowd, record-setting is going to be shown on television tonight? 1% or zero? The fake media will say, &quot;President Trump&quot;, and you know what this is, &quot;President Trump spoke before a small crowd of boy scouts today.&quot;

* By the way, just a question, did President Obama ever come to a jamboree?

* And you know we have a tremendous disadvantage in the electoral college, popular vote is much easier.

====August 2017====
* [[North Korea]] best not make any more {{w|Nuclear power in North Korea|threats to the United States}}. They will be met with '''fire and fury like the world has never seen'''. He has been very threatening beyond a normal state. They will be met with '''fire, fury, and frankly power''' the likes of which this world has never seen before.
** Comment on North Korean nuclear tests, made during a public meeting on the {{W|opioid epidemic}}.
** [http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/09/politics/trump-fire-fury-improvise-north-korea/index.html Trump's 'fire and fury' remark was improvised but familiar], CNN. August 9, 2017.

* We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides, on many sides [repeat intentional]. This had been going on for a long time in our country. Not Donald Trump, not Barack Obama. A long, long time.
** First statement regarding White Nationalist Rally terrorism in Charlottesville, VA. [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/aug/12/charlottesville-protest-trump-condemns-violence-many-sides]. The Guardian. (12 August 2017) 

* Racism is evil -- and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans. Those who spread violence in the name of bigotry strike at the very core of America. As a candidate I promised to restore law and order to our country and our federal law enforcement agencies are following through on that pledge. We will spare no resource in fighting so that every American child can grow up free from violence and fear. We will defend and protect the sacred rights of all Americans and we will work together so that every citizen in this blessed land is free to follow their dreams, in their hearts, and to express the love and joy in our souls.
** Subsequent statement regarding the violence at a [[wikipedia:far-right|far-right]] [[wikipedia:2017 Unite the Right rally|Charlottesville, VA rally]] held on August 11-12, 2017;  [http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/14/politics/trump-condemns-charlottesville-attackers/index.html Trump calls KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists 'repugnant'] (14 August 2017)

* '''I think there's blame on both sides, you look at, you look at both sides, I think there's blame on both sides, and I have no doubt about it, and you don't have any doubt about it either.''' If you reported it accurately, you would say that the neo-Nazis started this thing. They showed up in Charlottesville. Excuse me. '''They didn't put themselves down as neo-Nazis.''' You had some very bad people in that group. '''You also had some very fine people on both sides.''' You had people in that group — excuse me, excuse me — I saw the same pictures as you did. You had people in that group that were there to protest the taking down of, to them, a very, very important statue and the renaming of a park from Robert E. Lee to another name. [Reporters crosstalk] Well, George Washington was a slave owner. Was George Washington a slave owner? So will George Washington now lose his status? Are we going to take down — excuse me — are we going to take down statues to George Washington? How about Thomas Jefferson? What do you think of Thomas Jefferson? You like him. Good. Are we going to take down his statue? He was a major slave owner. Are we going to take down his statue? It is fine. You are changing history and culture. You had people — and '''I'm not talking about the neo-Nazis and the white nationalists, they should be condemned totally''' — you had '''many people in that group other than neo-Nazis and white nationalists'''. The press has treated them absolutely unfairly. Now, in the other group also, you had some fine people but you also had troublemakers and you see them come with '''the black outfits and with the helmets and with the baseball bats'''. You had a lot of bad people in the other group too.
* The statement I made on Saturday, the first statement, was a fine statement.
** [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virginia-protests-idUSKCN1AV0WT Trump, again, casts blame on both sides for deadly violence in Virginia] at a press briefing in Trump Tower, New York (15 August 2017) Transcripts: [https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/15/read-the-transcript-of-donald-trumps-jaw-dropping-press-conference.html][https://www.vox.com/2017/8/15/16154028/trump-press-conference-transcript-charlottesville]

====September 2017====
* The problem in Venezuela is not that socialism has been poorly implemented. It's that socialism has been faithfully implemented.
** In his [[wikisource:Remarks by President Trump to the 72nd Session of the United Nations General Assembly|first address to the United Nations]]. (19 September 2017)

* The only thing you could do better is if you see it, even if it's one player, leave the stadium, I guarantee things will stop. Things will stop. Just pick up and leave. Pick up and leave. Not the same game anymore anyway. Wouldn't you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, you'd say, 'Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. Out! He's fired. He's fired!
** Referring at a rally in Huntsville, AL to [[wikipedia:U.S. national anthem protests (2016–present)|protests by NFL players]] against the U.S. flag.
** {{citation |date=2017-09-22 |title=Donald Trump Called for NFL Players to Be Fired for National Anthem Kneeling — And They Responded |author=Aric Jenkins |periodical=Fortune |url=http://fortune.com/2017/09/23/donald-trump-nfl-players-anthem-response/}}

* All appropriate departments of our government from Homeland Security to Defense are engaged fully in the disaster and the response and recovery effort probably has never been seen for something like this. This is an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water.
** Regarding {{w|Hurricane Maria}}
** {{citation |date=2017-09-29 |title=Donald Trump says Puerto Rico is 'an island surrounded by big water' |author=Emily Shugerman |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-comments-island-big-water-a7975011.html}}

====October 2017====
* You guys know what this represents? Maybe it's the calm before the storm. ''[Reporter: What's the storm?]'' Could be the calm, the calm, before the storm. ''[Reporter: What storm Mr. President?]'' We have the world's great military people in this room, I'll tell you that, and we're going to have a great evening. ''[Reporter: What storm Mr. President?]'' You'll find out.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2017/10/06/trump-gathers-with-military-leaders-says-maybe-its-the-calm-before-the-storm/ Speaking during a photo op at the White House] (6 October 2017)
* The media is — really, the word, I think one of the greatest of all terms I've come up with is &quot;fake&quot;. I guess other people have used it, perhaps, over the years, but I've never noticed it.
** {{citation |date=2017-10-08 |title=Donald Trump defends paper towels in Puerto Rico, says Stephen Paddock was ‘probably smart' in bizarre TV interview: Analysis |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=TheStar.com |url=https://www.thestar.com/news/world/2017/10/08/donald-trump-defends-paper-towels-in-puerto-rico-says-stephen-paddock-was-probably-smart-in-bizarre-tv-interview-analysis.html}}
*Chain migration is one of the disasters. You allow one person and in that one person brings in 10 or 12 people
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 11 October 2017] being interviewed by [[Sean Hannity]]
* And we see it in the mothers and the fathers who get up at the crack of dawn; they work two jobs and sometimes three jobs. They sacrifice every day for the furniture and — future of their children.
** [https://www.palmerreport.com/opinion/random-words-donald-trump/5573/ Remarks by President Trump at the 2017 Values Voter Summit] (13 October 2017)
* Just out report: &quot;United Kingdom crime rises 13% annually amid spread of Radical Islamic terror.&quot; Not good, we must keep America safe!
** [https://www.snopes.com/trump-uk-terrorism/ Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (20 October 2017)
* We have a very good relationship. People say we have the best relationship of any President-President, because he's called President also. Now some people might call him the King of China, but he's called President.
** [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2017/10/25/full_lou_dobbs_interview_trump_asks_what_could_be_more_fake_than_cbs_nbc_abc_and_cnn.html Interviewed by Lou Dobbs on Fox Business on the subject of Xi Jinping] (25 October 2017)

====November 2017====
* Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me &quot;old,&quot; when I would NEVER call him &quot;short and fat?&quot; Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!
** {{citation |date=2017-11-08 |title=Donald Trump calls Kim Jong-un ‘short and fat’ and says he’s ‘trying hard to be his friend’ |author=Corey Charlton |periodical=The Sun |url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4895959/donald-trump-calls-kim-jong-un-short-and-fat-and-says-hes-trying-hard-to-be-his-friend/}}

====December 2017====
*He killed many people, ran them over. Chain migration. According to chain migration, he may have as many as 22 to 24 people that came in with him. His grandfather, his grandmother, his mother, his father, his brother, his sisters. We have to end chain migration. We have to end chain migration.
**[https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2017/12/08/trump-time-congress-adopt-pro-american-immigration-agenda/ 8 December 2017]

===2018===
====January 2018====
* The libel laws are very weak in this country. If they were strong, it would be very helpful. You wouldn't have things like that happen where you can say whatever comes to your head.
** Response to a question regarding Michael Wolff's ''Fire and Fury'', [https://factba.se/transcript/donald-trump-remarks-questions-camp-david-gop-retreat-january-6-2018 Camp David speech] (6 January 2018)

*Right now, in a number of states, the laws allow a baby to be born from his or her mother's womb in the ninth month. It is wrong, it has to change.
**As quoted in [http://mashable.com/2018/01/19/trump-march-for-life-childbirth/#NXYV1ubFzSqW &quot;Trump just basically said he's anti-childbirth&quot;] (19 January 2018), by Rachel Kraus, ''Mashable''

* If you're telling me they're horrible people, horrible racist people, I [[w:Non-apology apology|would certainly apologize]], if you'd like me to do that.
** [http://www.itv.com/goodmorningbritain/news/piers-morgan-donald-trump-says-sorry-to-britain Interviewed on Good Morning Britain] about his [[w:Donald_Trump_on_social_media#Britain_First_videos|retweeting of inflammatory and unverified anti-Muslim videos from Britain First]] the previous November (26 January 2018)

* ''[Interviewer: Do you believe in climate change? Do you think it exists?]'' Er, there is a cooling and there is a heating, and I mean, look, [[w:Climate_change#Terminology|it used to not be climate change, it used to be global warming]]. ''[Interviewer: Right.]'' Right? That wasn't working too well, because it was getting too cold all over the place. The ice caps were going to melt, they were going to be gone by now, but now they're setting records, OK, [[w:Retreat_of_glaciers_since_1850|they're at a record level]].
** [https://www.itv.com/news/2018-01-29/what-we-learned-from-donald-trumps-interview-with-itv/ Interviewed on British TV] (28 January 2018)

*in recent weeks, two terrorist attacks in New York were made possible by the visa lottery and chain migration
**[https://www.breitbart.com/live/state-union-fact-check-analysis-livewire/fact-check-yes-nyc-terrorists-entered-u-s-chain-migration-visa-lottery/ 30 January 2018]

*we celebrate National African American History Month to honor the significant contributions African Americans have made to our great Nation
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-february-2018-national-african-american-history-month/ 31 January 2018]
***reposted on Twitter [https://twitter.com/statedept/status/959192815313080323 1 Feb 2018 by @StateDept] and [https://twitter.com/whitehouse/status/959481056373149696 2 Feb 2018 by @WhiteHouse]

====February 2018====
[[File:State_of_the_Union_(39974380282).jpg|thumb|Can we call that treason, why not?]]
* You've got half the room going totally crazy, wild, they loved everything, they wanna do something great for our country, and you have the other side, even on positive news, really positive news, like that, they were like death, and [[w:Un-American|un-American]], un-American. Somebody said treasonous, I mean, yeah I guess, why not? Can we call that [[w:Treason_laws_in_the_United_States|treason]], why not?
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjwPiE1wCU0 Speaking in Cincinnati about Democrats did not clap] during his [[w:State of the Union|State of the Union Address]] (5 February 2018)

*My administration has identified three major priorities for creating a safe, modern, and lawful immigration system: fully securing the border, ending chain migration, and canceling the visa lottery. Chain migration is a disaster, and very unfair to our country. The visa lottery is something that should have never been allowed in the first place. People enter a lottery to come into our country. What kind of a system is that? It is time for Congress to act and to protect Americans.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 10 February 2018]

* Because in America people don't worship government. They worship God.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsUZCo7hasI CPAC conference] (23 February 2018)

* Or, Mike, take the firearms first and then go to court, because that’s another system. Because a lot of times, by the time you go to court, it takes so long to go to court, to get the due process procedures. '''I like taking the guns early.''' Like in this crazy man’s case that just took place in Florida, he had a lot of firearms – they saw everything – to go to court would have taken a long time, so you could do exactly what you’re saying, '''but take the guns first, go through due process second.'''
** meeting on gun violence Feb. 28, 2018[https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2021/10/14/fact-check-trump-made-comment-taking-guns-without-due-process/6070319001/][https://www.c-span.org/video/?c4907473/user-clip-trump-pence-feb-28-2018][https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trump-said-i-like-taking-the-guns-early-not-harris/]

====March 2018====
* Don't forget China's great, and Xi is a great gentleman. He's now president for life. President for life. And he's great. And look, he was able to do that. I think it’s great. Maybe we'll have to give that a shot someday.
** Fundraiser, Mar-a-Lago, quoted in {{citation|date=2018-03-03|author=Kevin Liptak|title=Trump on China's Xi consolidating power: 'Maybe we'll give that a shot some day'|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/03/politics/trump-maralago-remarks/index.html}}

====April 2018====
* I want to thank the White House Historical Association and all of the people that work so hard with Melania, with everybody, to keep this incredible house or building, or whatever you want to call it — because there really is no name for it; it is special — and we keep it in tip-top shape. We call it sometimes tippy-top shape. And it's a great, great place. 
** Referring to the [[White House]], during a speech given for Easter (April 2, 2018)

*And chain migration -- think of that. So you come in, and now you can bring your family, and then you can bring your mother and your father. You can bring your grandmother. You can bring your this; you can bring -- we had somebody on the West Side Highway, which I know very well -- in Manhattan -- he ran over -- I think he killed about eight people
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 5 April 2018]

====May 2018====
[[File:Protests after US decision to withdraw from JCPOA, around former US embassy, Tehran - 8 May 2018 26.jpg|thumb|We will not allow [[:w:Government of Islamic Republic of Iran|a regime]] that chants &quot;[[Death to America]]&quot; to gain access to [[:w:Nuclear program of Iran|the most deadly weapons on Earth]].]]
* America will not be held hostage to nuclear blackmail. We will not allow American cities to be threatened with destruction. And '''we will not allow a regime that chants &quot;Death to America&quot; to gain access to the most deadly weapons on Earth.'''
** statement on the [[:w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Iran nuclear deal]] on May 8, 2018 [https://www.vox.com/world/2018/5/8/17332494/read-trump-iran-nuclear-deal-speech-full-text-announcement-transcript vox.com]

====June 2018====
*In the meantime, people are suffering because of the Democrats. So we've created, and they've created, and they've let it happen — a massive child-smuggling industry.  That's exactly what it's become.  Traffickers — if you think about this — human traffickers are making a fortune.  It's a disgrace. These loopholes force the release of alien families and minors into the country when they illegally cross the border.
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-cabinet-meeting-9/ Remarks by President Trump at Cabinet Meeting Issued on: June 21, 2018]

====July 2018====
* but we have to do it gently because we're in the #MeToo generation, so we have to be very gentle.&lt;br&gt;we will very gently take that kit, and we will slowly toss it, hoping it doesn't hit her and injure her arm.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-mocks-metoo-movement-in-montana-rally/2018/07/05/fad40ce2-80b3-11e8-b660-4d0f9f0351f1_story.html?noredirect=on 5 July 2018 per Washington Post]
* Allowing the immigration to take place in Europe is a shame. I think it changed the fabric of Europe and, unless you act very quickly, it's never going to be what it was and I don't mean that in a positive way. So I think allowing millions and millions of people to come into Europe is very, very sad. I think you are losing your culture.
** [https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6766531/trump-may-brexit-us-deal-off/ Interview with ''The Sun''] (13 July 2018)
* The border with the Sahara can't be bigger than ours with Mexico.
** In a phone call to the Spain's foreign minister, Josep Borrell, in the context of Trump's idea for Spain to build a border wall across Sahara dessert to stem Spain's Mediterranean migrant crisis.[https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2018/09/20/trump-spain-wall-sahara-desert/1365944002/ Foreign minister: Trump advised Spain to build wall across Sahara to stop migrants]

* To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE &amp; DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!
** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/01/covfefe-trump-typo-turned-meme/579763/ The Atlantic: &quot;Six Hours and Three Minutes of Internet Chaos&quot;]

* What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2018-07-24 |title= 'What You're Seeing... Is Not What's Happening.' People Are Comparing This Trump Quote to George Orwell |author=Mahita Gajanan |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5347737/trump-quote-george-orwell-vfw-speech/}}

* We're ordering 147 new F-35 Lightning fighters. This is an incredible plane. It's stealth; you can't see it. So when I talk to even people from the other side, they're trying to order our plane. They like the fact that you can't see it. I said, 'How would it do in battle with your plane?' They say, 'Well, we have one problem: We can't see your plane.'
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2018-07-24 |title= Trump Keeps Saying the F-35 Is Invisible |author=Kyle Mizokami |periodical=Popular Mechanics |url=https://www.popularmechanics.com/military/aviation/amp33658771/trump-keeps-saying-the-f-35-is-invisible/}}

====August 2018====
*We have the worst laws! How about chain migration? One person comes in and you end up with 32 people. The person that ran down 18 people on the West Side Highway, he's allowed to have -- and I think eight died. He has 22 members of his family in the United States because of chain migration. So we have to change this stuff, Rush,
**1 August 2018 interview with [[Rush Limbaugh]]

*How about chain migration? How about that? Somebody comes in, he brings his mother, and his father, and his aunt and uncle, 15 times removed. He brings them all
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 August 8 campaign rally in Ohio]

====September 2018====
* They haven't seen anything like what's coming at us in 25, 30 years. Maybe ever. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet. Tremendous amounts of water.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqHwQhZC8jQ Trump Says Hurricane Florence Is 'Tremendously Big And Tremendously Wet']

* I just wanna thank all of the incredible men and women who have done such a great job in helping with Florence. This is a tough hurricane. One of the wettest we've ever seen from a standpoint of water.
** [https://youtube.com/watch?v=RiDpRVqqXfk&amp;t=30 Trump Describes Hurricane Florence &quot;Wettest We've Seen From Standpoint Of Water&quot;]

* And you know the interesting? When I did it, and I was really being tough, and so was he, and we were going back and forth, and then we fell in love. OK? No, really. He wrote me beautiful letters. And they're great letters. We fell in love.
** {{citation |date=2018-09-30 |title=Trump says he and Kim Jong-un ‘fell in love’ after sending each other ‘beautiful letters’ |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-kim-jong-un-love-letters-relationship-denuclearisation-nuclear-weapons-a8561701.html}}

*Reliance on a single foreign supplier can leave nations vulnerable to extortion and intimidation and that is why we congratulate European states such as Poland for leading construction of a [[w:Baltic Pipe|Baltic pipeline]] so that nations are not dependent on Russia to meet their energy needs. Germany will become totally dependent on Russian energy if it does not immediately change course.
** Address to the UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-25 |title=At U.N., Trump hails Poland, slams Germany over Russian energy reliance |author= Reuters Staff |periodical=Reuters |url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-un-assembly-usa-germany-idUSKCN1M527Y}}

* Today I stand before the United Nations General Assembly to share the extraordinary progress we've made. In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country. America's— so true. ''[assembly laughs]'' I didn't expect that reaction, but that's OK.
** Address to UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-26 |title=Trump's U.N. speech pitting globalism against patriotism proves the president has no idea what patriotism means |author=Daniel Shapiro |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/trump-s-u-n-speech-pitting-globalism-against-patriotism-proves-ncna913141}}

* America is governed by Americans. We reject the ideology of globalism and we embrace the doctrine of patriotism.
** Address to UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-25 |title=Trump’s Speech at the U.N. Triggers Laughter—and Disbelief |author=Robin Wright |periodical=The New Yorker |url=https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/trumps-speech-at-the-un-triggers-laughterand-disbelief}}

====October 2018====
* I know you're not thinking.  You never do.
** Donald Trump to a reporter who was going to ask a question.   {{citation |date=2018-10-02 |title=President Donald Trump To Reporter: ‘I Know You’re Not Thinking. You Never Do’ |url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASOTct1woo8}}

*Only do it if I can test her personally. That will not be something I enjoy doing either.
** regarding acknowledging [[Elizabeth Warren]] as Native American
** {{citation |date=2018-10-15 |title=Trump promised $1 million to charity if Warren proved her Native American DNA. Now he’s waffling. |author=Amy B Wang and Deanna Paul |periodical=Washington Post |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/10/15/trump-dared-elizabeth-warren-take-dna-test-prove-her-native-american-ancestry-now-what/}}

* I have a natural instinct for science
** Quoted in {{citation |date=2018-10-15 |title=Trump: My ‘Natural Instinct for Science’ Tells Me Climate Science Is Wrong |author=Jonathan Chait |periodical=New York Intelligencer |url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/10/trump-i-have-a-natural-instinct-for-science.html}} 

*You know they have a word, it sort of became old-fashioned, it's called a nationalist,&lt;br&gt;And I say 'really, we're not supposed to use that word?' Do you know what I am? I'm a nationalist.
**22 October 2018, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-10-23 |title=Trump declares himself a 'nationalist' while stumping for Ted Cruz |author=John Walsh |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.in/trump-declares-himself-a-nationalist-while-stumping-for-ted-cruz/articleshow/66327534.cms}} 

*Now how ridiculous: we're the only country in the world where a person comes in, has a baby, and the baby is essentially a citizen of the United States for 85 years with all of those benefits
**{{citation |date=2018-10-30 |title=Trump wants to end birthright citizenship in the U.S. |author=Associated Press |periodical=CBC |url=https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/trump-birthright-citizenship-1.4883589}}

*It was always told to me that you needed a constitutional amendment. Guess what? You don't,&lt;br&gt;Number one, you don't need that. Number two, you can definitely do it with an act of Congress. But now they're saying I can do it just with an executive order.&lt;br&gt;It's in the process,&lt;br&gt;It'll happen, with an executive order.
**{{citation |date=2018-10-30 |title=Can Trump End Birthright Citizenship by Executive Order? |author=Robert Farley |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2018/10/can-trump-end-birthright-citizenship-by-executive-order/}}

====November 2018====
* You gotta take care of the floors. You know, the floors of the forest. It's very important. You look at other countries where they do it differently, and it's a whole different story. I was with the president of Finland, and he said, &quot;We have a much different— we're a forest nation.&quot; He called it a forest nation. And they spend a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things, and they don't have any problem.
** Paradise, California, {{#formatdate:2018-11-17}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-11-20 |title=#RakeNews: People in Finland Mock Trump With Leaf-Raking Photos After He Said the Country 'Rakes the Forest' |author=Ashley Hoffman |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5458605/trump-finland-raking-reactions/}}, and with video in {{citation |date=2018-11-18 |title=Trump Says California Can Learn From Finland on Fires. Is He Right? |author=Patrick Kingsley |periodical=New York Times |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/18/world/europe/finland-california-wildfires-trump-raking.html}}
** Finnish President Sauli Niinistö said he didn't recall anything being said about raking.[https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/the_americas/finnish-president-says-he-briefed-trump-on-forest-monitoring/2018/11/18/dd46a57e-eb32-11e8-8b47-bd0975fd6199_story.html]

* '''Reporter''': Have you read the climate report yet?&lt;br /&gt;'''Trump''': I've seen it. I've read some of it and — it's fine.&lt;br /&gt;'''Reporter''': They say the economic impact could be devastating.&lt;br /&gt;'''Trump''': Yeah. I don't believe it.&lt;br /&gt;'''Reporter''': You don't believe it?&lt;br /&gt;'''Trump''': No, no. I don't believe it. And here's the other thing: You're going to have to have China and Japan and all of Asia and all of these other countries — you know, it addresses our country. Right now, we're at the cleanest we've ever been, and that's very important to me. But if we're clean but every other place on Earth is dirty, that's not so good.
** November 26, 2018, on the [[w:Fourth National Climate Assessment|Fourth National Climate Assessment]] ({{cite news |title=Trump responds to his administration's report indicating a huge cost from climate change: ‘I don't believe it' |first=Philip |last=Bump |newspaper=[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]] |date=November 26, 2018 |accessdate=December 1, 2018 |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/11/26/trump-responds-report-indicating-huge-cost-climate-change-i-dont-believe-it/}}; {{cite news |agency=[[w:BBC News|BBC News]] |title='I don't believe it' - Trump on climate report |date=November 26, 2018 |accessdate=December 1, 2018 |url=https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-46324405/i-don-t-believe-it-trump-on-climate-report}}; {{cite news |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |agency=[[w:Associated Press|Associated Press]] |title=‘Yeah, I don't believe it': Trump on his administration's own climate report |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2018/nov/26/yeah-i-dont-believe-it-trump-on-administrations-own-climate-report-video}}).

* One of the problems that a lot of people like myself we have very high levels of intelligence, but we're not necessarily such believers. You look at our air and our water, and it's now at a record clean. But when you look at China and you look at parts of Asia and when you look at South America, and when you look at many other places in this world, including Russia, including just many other places, the air is incredibly dirty and when you're talking about an atmosphere, oceans are very small and it blows over and it sails over. I mean, we take thousands of tons of garbage off our beaches all the time that comes over from Asia. It just flows right down the Pacific, if flows, and we say where does this come from. And it takes many people to start off with.  
**28th November, ''Washington Post'' interview, Donald Trump on whether he believes in global warming reports of the 13 of agencies of his administration. [https://splinternews.com/man-with-very-high-level-of-intelligence-says-oceans-ar-1830699334]

====December 2018====
*I want to thank Vice President Mike Pence,&lt;br&gt;A tremendous supporter, a tremendous supporter of yours. And Karen. And they go there and they love your country. They love your country. And they love this country. That's a good combination, right?
**[https://forward.com/opinion/415676/trump-just-accused-jews-of-loving-israel-not-america-and-his-fans-cheered/ 7 December 2018]

*I am proud to shut down the government for border security, Chuck. People in this country don't want criminals and people that have lots of problems and drugs pouring into our country. I will take the mantle. I will be the one to shut it down. I won't blame you for it. The last time, you shut it down. It didn't work. I will take the mantle of shutting it down.
**Oval Office meeting with {{W|Nancy Pelosi}} and {{W|Chuck Schumer}}, leading to the {{w|2018–19 United States federal government shutdown}}. &quot;[https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2018/12/11/Trump-proud-to-shut-down-government-in-wall-talks-with-Democrats/6271544554657/ Trump 'proud' to shut down government in wall talks with Democrats]&quot;, {{W|United Press International}} (December 12, 2018)

*Well, I don't see it. I spoke with Bibi, I told Bibi.&lt;br&gt;And, you know, we give Israel $4.5 billion a year.&lt;br&gt;And they're doing very well defending themselves, if you take a look.&lt;br&gt;So that's the way it is.&lt;br&gt;The United States cannot continue to be the policeman of the world,&lt;br&gt;We don't want to do that.
**[https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-we-give-israel-billions-it-can-defend-itself-in-syria/ 27 December 2018] re [[Benjamin Netanyahu]]

===2019===
====January 2019====
*we're getting out and we're getting out smart and we're winning, we're winning. OK. But just to answer your question, '''Over a period of time'''. I never said I'm getting out tomorrow I said I'm pulling our soldiers out and they will be pulled back in Syria, that we're getting out of Syria. Yeah absolutely. But we're getting out very powerfully.
**[http://www.aparchive.com/metadata/youtube/a1e8659d9ffa2e6b1572a49d86627be5 2 January 2019]

*Iran is no longer the same country&lt;br&gt;Iran is pulling people out of Syria.&lt;br&gt;'''They can do what they want there, frankly''', but they're pulling people out.&lt;br&gt;They're pulling people out of Yemen.&lt;br&gt;Iran wants to survive now.
**{{citation |date=2019-01-02 |title=Trump: Iran ‘can do what they want’ in Syria |author=Eric Cortellessa |periodical=Times of Israel |url=https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-iran-can-do-what-they-want-in-syria/}}

*We are born free, and we will stay free. Tonight, we renew our resolve that America will never be a socialist country.
**{{citation |date=2019-01-05 |title=Trump to Ocasio-Cortez: 'America will never be a socialist country' |author=Joel Gehrke |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/policy/defense-national-security/trump-to-ocasio-cortez-america-will-never-be-a-socialist-country}}

* &lt;p&gt;''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you over this shutdown?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Donald Trump:'' '''The buck stops with everybody.'''&lt;/p&gt;
**White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2019-01-10}}, quoted in {{citation
|date=2019-01-10 |title=Rejecting responsibility, Trump declares, ‘The buck stops with everybody’ |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC |url=http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/rejecting-responsibility-trump-declares-the-buck-stops-everybody}}, and with video in {{citation |date=2019-01-10 |title=Trump: 'Buck stops with everybody' for shutdown he was proud to own |author=Oliver Willis |periodical=American Independent |url=https://americanindependent.com/trump-buck-stops-with-everybody-shutdown-proud/}}

*National African American History Month&lt;br&gt;is an occasion to rediscover the enduring stories of African Americans and the&lt;br&gt;gifts of freedom, purpose, and opportunity they have bestowed on future&lt;br&gt;generations.
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/presidential-proclamation-national-african-american-history-month-2019/ early 31 January 2019 proclamation on WhiteHouse.gov] regarding [[Wikipedia:Black History Month|black history month]]
***[https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1091427927475085312 reposted 1 February 2019 on Twitter]

====February 2019====
*They're starting to, as we gain the remainder, the final remainder of the caliphate of the area, they'll be going to our base in Iraq, and ultimately some will be coming home. But we're going to be there and we're going to be staying--&lt;br&gt;We have to protect Israel. We have to protect other things that we have. But we're- yeah, they'll be coming back in a matter of time. Look, we're protecting the world. We're spending more money than anybody's ever spent in history, by a lot. We spent, over the last five years, close to 50 billion dollars a year in Afghanistan. That's more than most countries spend for everything including education, medical, and everything else, other than a few countries.&lt;br&gt;
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-interview-face-the-nation-margaret-brennan-today-2019-02-01/ 1 February 2019] broadcast [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/transcript-president-trump-on-face-the-nation-february-3-2019/ 3 February 2019]

* We stand with the [[Venezuela|Venezuelan]] people in their noble quest for freedom—and we condemn the brutality of the [[Maduro]] regime, whose socialist policies have turned that nation from being the wealthiest in [[South America]] into a state of abject [[poverty]] and [[despair]]
** &quot;[https://fair.org/home/the-media-myth-of-once-prosperous-and-democratic-venezuela-before-chavez/ The Media Myth of ‘Once Prosperous’ and Democratic Venezuela Before Chávez]&quot;  (February 6, 2019)

*Since the founding of our nation, many of our greatest strides — from gaining our independence to abolition of civil rights to extending the vote for women — have been led by people of faith
**[https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-civil-rights-abolition-prayer-breakfast_us_5c5e14ace4b0eec79b236874 08 February 2019]

* In fact, I think I can say this, Prime Minister [[w:Shinzō Abe|Abe]] of Japan gave me the most beautiful copy of a letter that he sent to the people who give out a thing called the [[w:Nobel Prize|Nobel Prize]]. He said: '''&quot;I have nominated you, respectfully, on behalf of Japan. I am asking them to give you the Nobel Peace Prize.&quot;''' I said, 'Thank you.'&lt;br&gt;We do a lot of good work. This administration does a tremendous job and we don't get credit for it. '''So Prime Minister Abe gave me — I mean it's the most beautiful five-page letter, Nobel Prize, he sent it to them.''' You know why? Because he had rocket ships and he had missiles flying over Japan, and they had alarms going off — you know that. Now all of the sudden they feel good, they feel safe. I did that.
** 15 February 2019 ({{cite news |title=You won't believe what Trump just said: 6 eye-popping moments |first=Dareh |last=Gregorian |agency=[[w:NBC News|NBC News]] |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/you-won-t-believe-what-trump-just-said-6-eye-n972166}})

====Spring 2019====
*there will be some people in the room that don't like this. We're down to 3.7 percent unemployment — the lowest number in a long time. But think of this: I got all these companies moving in. They need workers. We have to bring people into our country to work these great plants that are opening up all over the place. This was not necessarily what I was saying during the campaign because I never knew we would be as successful as we've been. Companies are roaring back into our country, and now we want people to come in. We need workers to come in, but they've got to come in legally, and they've got to come in through merit, merit, merit.
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-2019-conservative-political-action-conference/ 3 March 2019]
 
*Hello, everybody. The economic numbers just came out; they're very, very good. Our country is doing unbelievably well, economically. Most of you don't report that, because it doesn't sound good from your perspective. But the country is doing really, really well. We have a lot of very exciting things going on. A lot of companies will be announcing shortly they're moving back into the United States. They're all coming back. They want to be where the action is.
**[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900207/html/DCPD-201900207.htm 5 April 2019]

* If you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just went down 75 percent in value. &lt;b&gt;And they say the noise causes cancer. &lt;/b&gt; You told me that one, OK. ''[makes circles with his hands and a noise with his mouth]'' You know the thing makes so... and of course it's like a graveyard for birds.
** Speech to Republican National Congressional Committee, {{#formatdate:2019-04-02}}, quoted in {{cite news|date=
{{#formatdate:2019-04-03}}|title=Trump's war on windmills now includes wild cancer claim|author=Zachary B. Wolf|work=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/03/politics/trumps-war-on-windmills-now-includes-wild-cancer-claim/index.html}} and in {{cite web|date=2019-04-08|accessdate=2019-08-18|website={{w|Politifact}}|title=Donald Trump's ridiculous link between cancer, wind turbines|author=Jon Greenberg|url=https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2019/apr/08/donald-trump/republicans-dismiss-trumps-windmill-and-cancer-cla/}}
 
*The Jews always flip.
**attested to by Michael Wolff [https://forward.com/fast-forward/425037/trump-jews-always-flip-michael-wolff-michael-cohen-david-pecker/ 28 May 2019]

====June 2019====
*There is no basis whatsoever for impeachment. None. There was no collusion. There was no obstruction. There was no crime. The crime was by the Democrats. The crime was by the Democrats. There is no legal basis for impeachment. It's a big witch hunt. Everybody knows it, including the Democrats.
**[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900366/html/DCPD-201900366.htm 2 June 2019]

* This week, we commemorate a mighty endeavor of righteous nations and one of the greatest undertakings in all of history. Seventy-five years ago, more than 150,000 Allied troops were preparing on this island to parachute into France, storm the beaches of Normandy, and win back our civilization. As Her Majesty remembers, the British people had hoped and prayed and fought for this day for nearly 5 years. When Britain stood alone during the Blitz of 1940 and 1941, the Nazi war machine dropped thousands of bombs on this country and right on this magnificent city. Buckingham Palace alone was bombed on 16 separate occasions. In that dark hour, the people of this nation showed the world what it means to be British. They cleared wreckage from the streets, displayed the Union Jack from their shattered homes, and kept fighting on to victory. They only wanted victory. The courage of the United Kingdom's sons and daughters ensured that your destiny would always remain in your own hands. Through it all, the royal family was the resolute face of the Commonwealth's unwavering solidarity.
**[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900368/html/DCPD-201900368.htm 3 June 2019] 

* This evening we thank God for the brave sons of the United Kingdom and the United States who defeated the Nazis and the Nazi regime and liberated millions from tyranny. The bond between our nations was forever sealed in that &quot;Great Crusade.&quot; As we honor our shared victory and heritage, we affirm the common values that will unite us long into the future: freedom, sovereignty, self-determination, the rule of law, and reverence for the rights given to us by Almighty God. From the Second World War to today, Her Majesty has stood as a constant symbol of these priceless traditions. She has embodied the spirit of dignity, duty, and patriotism that beats proudly in every British heart. On behalf of all Americans, I offer a toast to the eternal friendship of our people, the vitality of our nations, and to the long, cherished, and truly remarkable reign of Her Majesty the Queen. Thank you.
**[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900368/html/DCPD-201900368.htm 3 June 2019]

* You’re talking about Vietnam and at that time nobody had ever heard of the country
** Trump was describing the US knowledge about Vietnam in 1968, when about one half million US troops were stationed in Vietnam, as quoted in {{cite news|date={{#formatdate:2019-06-05}}|title=Trump says was 'never a fan' of Vietnam War, and that Americans hadn't heard of country in 1968|work=Japan Times|url=https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2019/06/06/world/politics-diplomacy-world/trump-says-never-fan-vietnam-war-claims-americans-hadnt-heard-country-1968/#.XraZ4hMzbOQ}}

* I think a lot of progress was made yesterday, but we have to make a lot of progress. Mexico has been making, for many, many years, hundreds of billions of dollars. And then, they've been making an absolute fortune on the United States. They have to step up, and they have to step up to the plate, and perhaps they will. We're going to see. They can solve the problem. The Democrats—Congress has been a disaster. They won't change. They won't do anything. They want free immigration—immigration to pour into our country. They don't care who it is. They don't care what kind of a record they have. It doesn't make any difference. They're not going to be changing anything. We go to them, we say, &quot;Let's fix the immigration laws.&quot; They just want it to do badly. The worse it does, the happier they are. So that's the way it is, and I guess that's the way it will be until after the election. It's just a disgrace. Because, frankly, we could solve this problem so easy if the Democrats in Congress were willing to make some changes, but they're not. And that's the way it is. They want to just ride it out. They want to have a real bad time. They don't care about crime. They don't care about drugs pouring into our country. They couldn't care less. It's all politics. It's a vicious business. So that's the way it is. But we're having a great talk with Mexico. We'll see what happens. But something pretty dramatic could happen. We've told Mexico the tariffs go on. And I mean it too. And I'm very happy with it. And lot of people, Senators included, they have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to tariffs. They have no—absolutely no idea. When you have the money, when you have the product, when you have the thing that everybody wants, you're in a position to do very well with tariffs, and that's where we are. We're the piggybank. The United States is the piggybank. It has all the money that others want to take from us, but they're not taking it so easy anymore. It's a lot different. Our talks with China—a lot of interesting things are happening. We'll see what happens. 
**[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900372/html/DCPD-201900372.htm 6 June 2019]

* ''Reporter:'' Are you willing to go to war with Iran?&lt;br /&gt;''Trump:'' You'll find out. You'll find out.
** {{cite news|date={{#formatdate:2019-06-20}}|title=Trump tells public 'you'll find out' when asked about a war with Iran|work=The Washington Post|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/world/trump-tells-public-youll-find-out-when-asked-about-a-war-with-iran/2019/06/20/18f8c92d-b370-4a01-a948-4144be20f730_video.html}}

* For some reason we have a certain chemistry — or whatever. Let's see what happens. We have a long way to go. But I'm in no rush... So, I just want to say that we are going to be heading out to the DMZ and '''it's something I planned long ago but had the idea yesterday''' to maybe say hello, just shake hands quickly and say hello.
** press conference, Blue House, Seoul, South Korea, quoted in {{citation
|date=2019-06-30 |title=Trump: Kim and I &quot;have a certain chemistry&quot; |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-dmz-kim-live-intl-hnk/h_8b23e071903b007d8ff1934be8457d2c}}

=====Remarks on the 75th Anniversary of D-Day in Colleville-sur-Mer, France=====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900373/html/DCPD-201900373.htm Transcript] (June 6, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* Here with you are over 60 veterans who landed on [[w:D-Day|D-day]]. Our debt to you is everlasting. Today we express our undying gratitude. When you were young, these men enlisted their lives in a great crusade, one of the greatest of all times. Their mission is the story of an epic battle and the ferocious, eternal struggle between good and evil. On the 6th of June, 1944, they joined a liberation force of awesome power and breathtaking scale. After months of planning, the Allies had chosen this ancient coastline to mount their campaign to vanquish the wicked tyranny of the [[Nazism|Nazi]] empire from the face of the Earth. The battle began in the skies above us. In those first tense midnight hours, 1,000 aircraft roared overhead, with 17,000 Allied airborne troops preparing to leap into the darkness beyond these trees. Then came dawn. The enemy who had occupied these heights saw the largest naval armada in the history of the world. Just a few miles offshore were 7,000 vessels bearing 130,000 warriors.
* They were the citizens of free and independent nations, united by their duty to their compatriots and to millions yet unborn. There were the British, whose nobility and fortitude saw them through the worst of [[w:Battle of Dunkirk|Dunkirk]] and the [[w:London Blitz|London Blitz]]. The full violence of Nazi fury was no match for the full grandeur of British pride. Thank you. There were the [[Canada|Canadians]], whose robust sense of honor and loyalty compelled them to take up arms alongside Britain from the very, very beginning. There were the fighting [[Poland|Poles]], the tough [[Norway|Norwegians]], and the intrepid [[Australia|Aussies]]. There were the gallant French commandos, soon to be met by thousands of their brave countrymen ready to write a new chapter in the long history of French valor. And finally, there were the Americans. They came from the farms of a vast heartland, the streets of glowing cities and the forges of mighty industrial towns. Before the war, many had never ventured beyond their own community. Now they had come to offer their lives half a world from home.
* This beach, codenamed [[w:Omaha Beach|Omaha]], was defended by the Nazis with monstrous firepower, thousands and thousands of mines and spikes driven into the sand, so deeply. It was here that tens of thousands of the Americans came. The GIs who boarded the landing craft that morning knew that they carried on their shoulders not just the pack of a soldier, but the fate of the world. Colonel [[w:George A. Taylor|George Taylor]], whose [[w:16th Infantry Regiment (United States)|16th Infantry Regiment]] would join in the first wave, was asked: What would happen if the Germans stopped right then and there, cold on the beach, just stopped them? What would happen? This great American replied: &quot;Why, the 18th Infantry is coming in right behind us. The 26th Infantry will come on too. Then, there is the [[w:2nd Infantry Division (United States)|2nd Infantry Division]] already afloat. And the 9th Division. And the 2d Armored. And the 3d Armored. And all the rest. Maybe the 16th won't make it, but someone will.&quot;
* Nine thousand three hundred and eighty-eight young Americans rest beneath the white crosses and Stars of David arrayed on these beautiful grounds. Each one has been adopted by a French family that thinks of him as their own. They come from all over France to look after our boys. They kneel. They cry. They pray. They place flowers. And they never forget. Today America embraces the French people and thanks you for honoring our beloved dead. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
* To all of our friends and partners: Our cherished alliance was forged in the heat of battle, tested in the trials of war, and proven in the blessings of peace. Our bond is unbreakable. 
* From across the Earth, Americans are drawn to this place as though it were a part of our very soul. We come not only because of what they did here, we come because of who they were. They were young men with their entire lives before them. They were husbands who said goodbye to their young brides and took their duty as their fate. They were fathers who would never meet their infant sons and daughters because they had a job to do. And with God as their witness, they were going to get it done. They came wave after wave, without question, without hesitation, and without complaint. 
* More powerful than the strength of American arms was the strength of American hearts. These men ran through the fires of hell moved by a force no weapon could destroy: the fierce patriotism of a free, proud, and sovereign people. They battled not for control and domination, but for liberty, democracy, and self-rule. They pressed on for love in home and country, the main streets, the schoolyards, the churches and neighbors, the families and communities that gave us men such as these. They were sustained by the confidence that America can do anything because we are a noble nation, with a virtuous people, praying to a righteous God. The exceptional might came from a truly exceptional spirit. The abundance of courage came from an abundance of faith. The great deeds of an Army came from the great depths of their love. As they confronted their fate, the Americans and the Allies placed themselves into the palm of God's hand.
* The men behind me will tell you that they are just the lucky ones. As one of them recently put it, &quot;All the heroes are buried here.&quot; But we know what these men did. We knew how brave they were. They came here and saved freedom, and then, they went home and showed us all what freedom is all about. The American sons and daughters who saw us to victory were no less extraordinary in peace. They built families. They built industries. They built a national culture that inspired the entire world. In the decades that followed, America defeated communism, secured civil rights, revolutionized science, launched a man to the Moon, and then kept on pushing to new frontiers. And today, America is stronger than ever before.
* Seven decades ago, the warriors of D-day fought a sinister enemy who spoke of a thousand-year empire. In defeating that evil, they left a legacy that will last not only for a thousand years, but for all time—for as long as the soul knows of duty and honor; for as long as freedom keeps its hold on the human heart. To the men who sit behind me, and to the boys who rest in the field before me, your example will never, ever grow old. Your legend will never tire. Your spirit—brave, unyielding, and true—will never die. The blood that they spilled, the tears that they shed, the lives that they gave, the sacrifice that they made, did not just win a battle. It did not just win a war. Those who fought here won a future for our Nation. They won the survival of our civilization. And they showed us the way to love, cherish, and defend our way of life for many centuries to come. Today, as we stand together upon this sacred Earth, we pledge that our nations will forever be strong and united. We will forever be together. Our people will forever be bold. Our hearts will forever be loyal. And our children, and their children, will forever and always be free. May God bless our great veterans, may God bless our Allies, may God bless the heroes of D-day, and may God bless America. Thank you. Thank you very much.

====July 2019====
* Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do.
** Trump was describing battles in 1775, as quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/48885319 Trump blames 'airports' gaffe on teleprompter]

*The kidney has a very special place in the heart.
**[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/11/the-kidney-has-a-very-special-place-in-the-heart-says-donald-trump-video 11 July 2019]

* &quot;I said, you know, you don't like me and I don't like you. I never have liked you and you never liked me but you're going to support me because you're a rich guy. And if you don't support me, you're going to be so goddamn poor you're not going to believe it.&quot;
** Trump was referring to an unnamed businessperson, as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Analysis: The 51 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's NC rally |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=WLOS.com |url=https://wlos.com/news/local/analysis-the-51-most-outrageous-lines-from-donald-trumps-nc-rally}}

* Everybody calls me Mr. President. It's true. It's a funny thing.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Analysis: The 51 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's NC rally |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=WLOS.com |url=https://wlos.com/news/local/analysis-the-51-most-outrageous-lines-from-donald-trumps-nc-rally}}

* ...[[Boris Johnson]], good man he is tough but he is smart. They call him Brittain Trump..They like me over there
** [www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0wO89TT9vI Trump on Johnson: 'They call him Britain Trump' - BBC News] July 24, 2019

*These people  [Democrats] are clowns
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-signing-safe-third-country-agreement-guatemala/ from the White House on July 26 (video)]

*I am the least racist person there is anywhere in the world
**30 July 2019 [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/30/trump-claims-least-racist-person-in-the-world per The Guardian]

====August 2019====
* I think my rhetoric is a very – it brings people together.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-07 |title=While slamming critics, Trump says his words ‘bring people together’
|author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC |url=http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/while-slamming-critics-trump-says-his-words-bring-people-together}}

* I think any Jewish people that vote for a Democrat -- it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-21 |title=Jewish leaders outraged by Trump saying Jews disloyal if they vote for Democrats |author=Maegan Vazquez, Jim Acosta |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2019/08/20/politics/donald-trump-jewish-americans-democrat-disloyalty/index.html?no-st=9999999999}}

* I am the chosen one. Somebody had to do it, so I'm taking on China... and you know what we're winning.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-21 |title=Donald Trump: 'I am the chosen one' |author=Tola Mbakwe|periodical=CNN |url=https://premierchristian.news/en/news/article/donald-trump-i-am-the-chosen-one}}

====September 2019====
* Where’s my favorite dictator?
** Trump was looking for Egyptian President Abdel Fattah Al Sisi, as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-09-13 |title=Trump, Awaiting Egyptian Counterpart at Summit, Called Out for ‘My Favorite Dictator’ | author=By Nancy A. Youssef, Vivian Salama and Michael C. Bender | url=https://www.wsj.com/articles/trump-awaiting-egyptian-counterpart-at-summit-called-out-for-my-favorite-dictator-11568403645?tesla=y&amp;mod=e2twp}} 

* I always look orange. And so do you. The light is the worst.
** Trump complained about energy-saving light bulbs, quoted by {{citation |date=2019-09-24 |title=Trump on Why He Doesn’t Like Energy-Efficient Lightbulbs: “I Always Look Orange” |author=Elliot Hannon |url=https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/09/trump-on-why-he-doesnt-like-energy-efficient-light-bulbs-i-always-look-orange.html}}

* The truth is plain to see — if you want freedom, take pride in your country; if you want democracy, hold onto your sovereignty, and if you want peace, love your nation. Wise leaders always put the good of their own people and their own country first. The future does not belong to globalists. The future belongs to patriots. The future belongs to sovereign and independent nations who protect their citizens, respect their neighbours, and honor the differences that make each country special and unique.
** Address to United Nations General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2019-09-13 |title=Trump UN speech knocks globalism: The future belongs to nationalism |author=Tim Pearce |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/trump-un-speech-knocks-globalism-the-future-belongs-to-nationalism}}

====October 2019====
=====Statement on the Death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi=====
[[File:President Trump Watches as U.S. Special Operations Forces Close in on ISIS Leader (48967991042).jpg|thumb|Last night, the [[United States]] brought the [[world]]'s number one [[terrorist]] [[leader]] to [[justice]]. [[Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi]] is [[dead]]. He was the founder and leader of [[ISIS]], the most ruthless and violent terror organization in the World.]] 
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/statement-president-death-abu-bakr-al-baghdadi/ Offiical release at Whitehouse.gov (27 October 2019)] · [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/27/us/trump-transcript-isis-al-baghdadi.html Transcript of delivered remarks at ''The New York Times'' (27 October 2019)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6YvsrGILrw &quot;President Trump's full announcement on the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi&quot;, ''The Washington Post''    YouTube channel (27 October 2019)]&lt;/small&gt; 

* Last night, the [[United States]] brought the [[world]]'s number one [[terrorist]] [[leader]] to [[justice]]. [[Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi]] is [[dead]]. He was the founder and leader of [[ISIS]], the most ruthless and violent terror organization in the World. The United States has been searching for Baghdadi for many years.  Capturing or killing Baghdadi has been the top [[national security]] priority of my Administration. U.S. Special Operations forces executed a [[dangerous]] and [[daring]] nighttime raid into Northwestern [[Syria]] to [[accomplish]] this [[mission]].

* Terrorists who oppress and murder innocent people should never sleep soundly, knowing that we will completely destroy them. These savage monsters will not escape their fate – and they will not escape the final judgement of God.

* This raid was impeccable, and could only have taken place with the acknowledgement and help of certain other nations and people. &lt;br /&gt; I want to thank the nations of Russia, Turkey, Syria and Iraq, and I also want to thank the Syrian Kurds for certain support they were able to give us. Thank you as well to the great intelligence professionals who helped make this very successful journey possible.

* Last night was a great night for the United States and for the World. A brutal killer, one who has caused so much hardship and death, was violently eliminated – he will never again harm another innocent man, woman or child.  He died like a dog.  He died like a coward.  The world is now a much safer place.

* I don't want to say how, but we had absolutely perfect -- as though you were watching a movie. It was -- that -- that in -- the technology there alone is -- is really great.
**[https://edition.cnn.com/2019/10/27/politics/donald-trump-baghdadi-death-isis/index.html 27 October 2019]

====November 2019====
*I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING I WANT NO QUID PRO QUO. TELL {{w|Volodymyr Zelensky|ZELLINSKY}} TO DO THE RIGHT THING. THIS IS THE FINAL WORD FROM THE PRES. OF THE U.S.
**[https://www.vox.com/2019/11/20/20974383/trump-big-sharpie-notes-on-impeachment-testimony Remarks on a notepad, White House lawn, November 20], after Ambassador Gordon Sondland's testimony.

====December 2019====
* We have a situation where we're looking very strongly at sinks and showers, and other elements of bathrooms.&lt;br&gt;You turn on the faucet and you don't get any water..&lt;br&gt;People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times.&lt;br&gt;They have so much water that it comes down. It's called rain.
** Quoted in {{citation |author=Matthew Cantor |title=Trump says people 'flush the toilet 10 times' and seeks solution
|periodical=The Guardian |date=2019-12-06 |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/dec/06/trump-says-people-flush-the-toilet-10-times-and-seeks-solution}}

* So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill!
** Trump was commenting on the Swedish school pupil and climate activist Greta Thunberg after she was named Time’s Person of the Year for 2019, as quoted by {{citation | author=Reuters staff | title=Climate activist Thunberg hits back at Trump over anger management taunt
| periodical=Reuters | date=2019-12-06 | url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-thunberg-idUSKBN27M0TN}}

* I never understood wind. I know windmills very much, I have studied it better than anybody. I know it is very expensive. They are made in China and Germany mostly, very few made here, almost none, but they are manufactured, tremendous—if you are into this—tremendous fumes and gases are spewing into the atmosphere. You know we have a world, right?&lt;br&gt;So the world is tiny compared to the universe. So tremendous, tremendous amount of fumes and everything. You talk about the carbon footprint, fumes are spewing into the air, right spewing, whether it is China or Germany, is going into the air.&lt;br&gt;You see all those [windmills]. They’re all different shades of color.  They’re like sort of white, but one is like an orange-white. It’s my favorite color, orange.
**[[w:Turning Point USA|Turning Point USA]] conference, {{#formatdate:2019-12-21}}, quoted in {{citation |author=Connor Mannion |title=Trump Attacks Windmills in Speech to Conservative Group: ‘I Never Understood Wind’ |periodical=Mediaite |date=2019-12-22 |url=https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-attacks-windmills-in-speech-to-conservative-group-i-never-understood-wind/}}

===2020===
* My administration will never stop fighting for Americans of faith
** At a rally for evangelicals earlier in 2020 according to  [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-secretly-mocks-his-christian-supporters/616522/  Trump Secretly Mocks His Christian Supporters] September 29, 2020

====January 2020====
* &lt;!--[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=0s): Tesla's now worth more than GM and Ford; do you have comments on Elon Musk?  --&gt;&lt;!-- [00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=4s):--&gt; Well, you have to give [[Elon Musk|him]] credit.  I spoke to him very recently, and he's also doing the rockets, he likes rockets, and he does good at rockets too, by the way.  I never saw… where [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage booster|the engines]] come down with no wings, no anything, [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage landings|and they're landing]].  I've said I've never seen that before. &lt;!--[00:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=19s):--&gt; And I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses, and we have to protect our genius.  We have to protect [[Thomas Edison]], we have to protect all of these people that came up originally with the [[w:light bulb|light bulb]], and the [[w:wheel|wheel]], and all of these things.  And he's one of our very smart people, and we want to cherish those people, that's very important.  But he's done a very good job. &lt;!--[00:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=41s):--&gt; Shocking, how well, …how it's come so fast.  You go back a year, and they were talking about the end of [[w:Tesla, Inc.|the company]] and all of a sudden they're talking about these great things.  He's going to be building [[w:Gigafactory|a very big plant]] in the United States.  He has to.  Because we help him, so he has to help us.
** on [[Elon Musk]], [[Tesla]], and [[SpaceX]] after Tesla stock valuation beat [[w:General Motors|General Motors]] and [[w:Ford Motor Company|Ford]] combined
** {{citation|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ|title=Trump on Elon Musk: I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses|interviewer=[[w:Joe Kernen|Joe Kernen]]|date=2020-01-22|work=CNBC Television|via=Youtube|location=[[w:World Economic Forum|World Economic Forum]], [[w:Davos|Davos]], Switzerland}}

*'''{{w|Joe Kernen}}''': It was a couple of years ago. Before we get started-- with- we're going talk about the economy and a lot of other things--the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]]-- has identified a case of [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in Washington (state)|coronavirus-- in Washington state]]. The {{w|Wuhan}} strain of this. If you remember {{w|SARS}}, that affected [[GDP]]. Travel-related effects. Do you-- have you been briefed by the CDC? And--
:'''Donald Trump''': I have, and--
:'''Joe Kernen''': --are there worries about a pandemic at this point?
:'''Donald Trump''': No. Not at all. And-- we're-- we have it totally under control. &lt;b&gt;It's one person coming in from [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic in mainland China|China]], and we have it under control.&lt;/b&gt; It's—going to be just fine.
:'''Joe Kernen''': Okay. And [[w:President of the People's Republic of China|President]] Xi-- there's just some-- talk in China that maybe the transparency isn't everything that it's going to be. Do you trust that we're going to know everything we need to know from China?
:'''Donald Trump''': I do. I do. I have a great relationship with President Xi. [[w:China–United States trade war#2020|We just signed]] probably the biggest deal ever made. It certainly has the potential to be the biggest deal ever made. And-- it was a very interesting period of time time {{sic}}.
:'''Joe Kernen''': Yeah. Let’s get into that--
:'''Donald Trump''': But we got it done, and-- no, I do. I think-- the relationship is very, very good.
:* Interview with {{w|CNBC}}'s {{w|Joe Kernen}} at the {{w|World Economic Forum}} in {{w|Davos, Switzerland}}, January 22, 2020. [https://www.cnbc.com/2020/01/22/cnbc-transcript-president-donald-trump-sits-down-with-cnbcs-joe-kernen-at-the-world-economic-forum-in-davos-switzerland.html Transcript online] at ''{{w|CNBC}}''

* China has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency.
** Cited by {{citation |date=2020-01-24 |title=Trump Is Inciting a Coronavirus Culture War to Save Himself
|author=Adam Serwer |periodical=The Atlantic |url=https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/03/trump-is-the-chinese-governments-most-useful-idiot/608638/}}

*During National African American History Month, we honor the extraordinary contributions made by African Americans throughout the history of our Republic
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/proclamation-national-african-american-history-month-2020/ 31 January 2020]
***[https://twitter.com/CFTC/status/1233507203853758468 reposted 28 February 2020 by CFTC]

====February 2020====
* And by the way, the virus. They're working hard. Looks like by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away. I hope that's true.
** Regarding [[Covid-19 pandemic in the United States|coronavirus]]
** Rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, {{#formatdate:2020-02-10}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-26|title=Trump’s dangerous message on coronavirus|author=Doyle McManus|periodical=LA Times|url=https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2020-02-26/trumps-dangerous-message-on-coronavirus}}

* There are a lot of dishonest slimeballs out there. Dishonest scum. Dirty cops, lot of dirty cops … the ones on top, they were absolute scum.
** Trump described former senior law enforcement officials who were involved in the FBI probes into his campaign, as quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-20|title=Trump repeatedly struggles to pronounce words during conspiracy-laden rally, before suggesting he'll pardon Roger Stone in late-night tweet |author=Tom Embury-Dennis |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-rally-twitter-roger-stone-sentence-pardon-2020-election-rally-phoenix-arizona-a9345956.html}}

* And again, when you have 15 people, and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero, that's a pretty good job we've done.
** Regarding known [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|coronavirus cases]].
** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-02-26}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-11 |title=Coronavirus: US passes 1,000 cases – two weeks after Trump said number would soon be 'close to zero' |author=Chris Riotta |periodical=The Independent |location=UK  |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/coronavirus-cases-us-map-trump-how-many-infected-a9393061.html}}

* We know all the people. We know all the good people. It's a question I asked the doctors before. Some of the people we cut, they haven't been used for many, many years, and if we ever need them, we can get them very quickly. And rather than spending the money — I'm a businessperson, I don't like having thousands of people around when you don't need 'em, when we need 'em, we can get them back very quickly.
** Asked about his consistent [[w:Criticism of response to the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic#Funding cut by Trump administration|budget cuts]] to the CDC, the NIH, and the WHO.
** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-02-26}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-02-28 |title=As the World Reaches for Face Masks, Trump Buries His Head in the Sand |author=Jonathan Chait |periodical=New York |url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/02/trump-coronavirus-response.html}}

* Can we get like ''Gone with the Wind' back please? 'Sunset Boulevard,' so many great movies.  
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms]
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms Trump slams Oscar-winning South Korean film 'Parasite', praises 'Gone with the Wind']video posted February 22, 2020

* It's going to disappear. One day it's like a miracle, it will disappear. And from our shores, we — you know, it could get worse before it gets better. It could maybe go away. We'll see what happens. Nobody really knows.
** Regarding coronavirus
** African American History Month reception, White House, {{#formatdate:2020-02-27}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-02-29 |title=Inside Trump’s frantic attempts to minimize the coronavirus crisis |author= 
Yasmeen Abutaleb, Ashley Parker and Josh Dawsey |periodical=Washington Post |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/inside-trumps-frantic-attempts-to-minimize-the-coronavirus-crisis/2020/02/29/7ebc882a-5b25-11ea-9b35-def5a027d470_story.html}}. Video of the event avalable at [https://www.c-span.org/video/?469786-1/president-trump-hosts-african-american-history-month-reception cspan]

=====Donald Trump Charleston, South Carolina Rally (February 28, 2020)=====
:&lt;small&gt;Donald Trump Charleston, South Carolina Rally (February 28, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-charleston-south-carolina-rally-transcript-february-28-2020 transcript online] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.&lt;/small&gt;

* Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All I can say is that the fake news just doesn't get it, do they? They don't get it. [inaudible 00:02:54] They just don't get it. Hello Charleston, and I'm thrilled to be back in the great state of South Carolina with thousands of hardworking American Patriots who believe in faith, family, God, and country. Thank you. It's a phenomenal crowd, only topped by the number of people outside that didn't get in. If anybody would like to give up where you're standing or your seat, please raise your hand. All right. Then let's begin, right? Thank you all very much though. This is great. No, they don't get it. Down the road, they have a rally for one of the people that are going to be running tomorrow. They're trying to get to a hundred, but they're not going to make it. So I think they're going to set up a round table. Well, that's what they do. So people want to go to a rally, they end up sitting at a round table talking about their definition of impeachment. Crazy.

* No, it's crazy. Crazy! It's a crazy deal. No, the fake news media, they've been trying to figure this out for years. They still don't get it though. They don't get it. Look at all of those cameras. Look at all of those cameras. That's a lot of cameras. That's a lot of cameras, Lindsey and Tim, that's a lot of... They heard you guys were here. They heard Tim was here and that Lindsey was here and that... And they said, &quot;We're not going to attend that rally,&quot; but when we heard those two guys plus our great congressmen, they're here, great congressmen. But this is an incredible time for our nation. We're thrilled to be in the midst of what we call the Great American Comeback and that's what it is. Jobs are booming, incomes are soaring, factories are returning, poverty is plummeting, confidence is surging, and we have completely rebuilt the awesome power of the United States military. Our country is stronger than ever before.

* We are stronger, we are better, but while we are building a great future, the radical left Democrats in Washington are trying to burn it all down. They have spent the last three years, and I can even go further than that, three years since the election, but we go before the election, working to erase your ballots and overthrow our democracy. But with your help, we have exposed the far left's corruption and defeated their sinister schemes and let's see what happens in the coming months. Let's watch. Let's just watch. Very dishonest people. Now the Democrats are politicizing the coronavirus, you know that right? Coronavirus, they're politicizing it. We did one of the great jobs. You say, &quot;How's President Trump doing?&quot; They go, &quot;Oh, not good, not good.&quot; They have no clue. They don't have any clue. They can't even count their votes in Iowa. They can't even count. No, they can't. They can't count their votes.

* One of my people came up to me and said, &quot;Mr. President, they tried to beat you on Russia, Russia, Russia.&quot; That didn't work out too well. They couldn't do it. They tried the impeachment hoax. That was on a perfect conversation. They tried anything. They tried it over and over. They'd been doing it since you got in. It's all turning. They lost. It's all turning. Think of it. Think of it. '''And this is their new hoax.''' But we did something that's been pretty amazing. We have 15 people in this massive country and because of the fact that we went early. We went early, we could have had a lot more than that. We're doing great. Our country is doing so great. We are so unified. We are so unified. The Republican party has never ever been unified like it is now. There has never been a movement in the history of our country like we have now. Never been a movement. So a statistic that we want to talk about, go ahead. Say USA. It's okay. USA. So a number that nobody heard of, that I heard of recently and I was shocked to hear it, 35,000 people on average die each year from the flu. Did anyone know that? 35,000, that's a lot of people. It could go to 100,000, it could be 27,000. They say usually a minimum of 27, goes up to 100,000 people a year die. And so far we have lost nobody to [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States|coronavirus in the United States]]. Nobody. And it doesn't mean we won't and we are totally prepared. It doesn't mean we won't, but think of it. You hear 35 and 40,000 people and we've lost nobody and you wonder the press is in hysteria mode. CNN fake news and the camera just went off, the camera. The camera just went off. Turn it back on. Hey, by the way, hold it. Look at this, and honestly, all events are like this. It's about us. It's all about us. I wish they'd take the camera, show the arena please. They never do. They never do. They never do it. They never show the arena. You can hear it because when you hear it, that's not 200 people. That's not a hundred people. That's thousands and thousands of people including people outside. You can hear it. They always show my face. See that face? They show my face. I want them to show the arena, not my face, right?  [...] While the extreme left has been wasting America's time with these vile hoaxes, we've been killing terrorists, creating jobs, raising wages, enacting fair trade deals, securing our border, and lifting up citizens of every race, religion, color, and creed. We added another 225,000 jobs last month alone. And that makes seven million jobs since our election, seven million. The unemployment rate in the great state of South Carolina. You ever hear of that place?

* Practically every one. Can you believe it? I'm sure your husbands are thrilled, right? They're thrilled. Where are you going tonight? I'm going to another Trump rally. Cool. Number 114. What do your husbands say about that? This group up here. She said, &quot;We don't care.&quot; Thank you. Thank you. Democrats will only say horrible things even though they know we're doing a great job. We're doing a great job with what we have to work with. It's incredible. The Democrats want us to fail so badly. Even if their actions, and you take a look, hurt the people of this country, they'll hurt the people themselves, their wealth, their everything. They're willing to hurt our country in order to say bad, even if they know it's not so. We made an unbelievable deal with Mexico, with Canada, with China, with South Korea, with Japan. And if you put a microphone with these people back there like the Academy Awards used to be, not anymore. Best movie of the year. It's made in South Korea. What's that all about? I'm waiting to see the best movie of the year-

* And it's made... He said, &quot;It's garbage.&quot; Only in South Carolina can you say that. Only in South Carolina. You're going to get us in trouble. No, I'm just repeating what he said for the fake news. No, but seriously the Academy Awards has gone way, way down in ratings. Do you know why? Because they started attacking us and we don't believe in it anymore. That's why. No, but they had the best movie of the year made in South Korea. They make enough stuff for us, right? And they're good. They're our friends. Take advantage of us, that's okay. Not so much anymore. We are really, you take a look, magnificently organized with the best professionals in the world. We're prepared for the absolute worst. You have to be prepared for the worst, but hopefully it will all amount to very little. That's why I tell you when we have the flu with 35,000 people and this one we have to take it very, very seriously. That's what we're doing. We are preparing for the worst.

* My administration has taken the most aggressive action in modern history to prevent the spread of this illness in the United States. We are ready. We are ready. Totally ready. On January 31st, I ordered the suspension of foreign nationals who have recently been in China from entering the United States. An action which the Democrats loudly criticized and protested and now everybody's complimenting me saying, &quot;Thank you very much. You were 100% correct.&quot; Could've been a whole different story. But I say, so let's get this right. A virus starts in China, bleeds its way into various countries all around the world, doesn't spread widely at all in the United States because of the early actions that myself and my administration took against a lot of other wishes, and the Democrats' single talking point, and you see it, is that it's Donald Trump's fault, right? It's Donald Trump's fault. No, just things that happened.

* But you know what this does show you? Things happen. Whoever thought of this two weeks ago? Who would've thought this could be going on four weeks ago? You wouldn't. But things happen in life and you have to be prepared and you have to be flexible and you have to be able to go out and get it. And my guys that we have the best professionals in the world, the best in the world and we are so ready. At the same time that I initiated the first federally mandated quarantine in over 50 years. We had a quarantine some people. They weren't happy, they weren't happy about it. I want to tell you there are a lot of people that not so happy, but after two weeks they got happy. You know who got happy? The people around them got happy. That's who got happy.
**Note: [[Luciana Borio]], former director of Medical and Biodefense Preparedness Policy at the {{w|National Security Council}}, said at a symposium at {{w|Emory University}} in [[Atlanta]] in 2018, marking the 100th anniversary of [[1918 flu pandemic]]: &quot;[[Disease X|The threat]] of {{w|pandemic flu}} is the number one health security concern, are we ready to respond? I fear the answer is no.&quot; As quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2020/03/contrary-to-trumps-claim-a-pandemic-was-widely-expected-at-some-point/ Contrary to Trump's Claim, A Pandemic Was Widely Expected at Some Point]'' (March 20, 2020) by Rem Rieder, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}''.

* I also created a [[White House Coronavirus Task Force|White House virus task force]]. It's a big thing, a virus task force. I requested 2.5 billion dollars to ensure we have the resources we need. The Democrats said, &quot;That's terrible. He's doing the wrong thing. He needs eight and a half billion, not two and a half.&quot; I've never had that before. I ask for two and a half, they want to give me eight and a half, so I said, &quot;I'll take it.&quot; Does that make me a bad... I'll take it. I'll take it. I never had that before. I never had it. We want two and a half million. That's plenty. We demand you take eight and a half. He doesn't know what he's doing. We want eight and a half. These people are crazy. We must understand that border security is also health security. And you've all seen the wall has gone up like magic. It's gone up like magic. You think that was an easy one? That was not an easy one. It's going up great and we're up now 132 miles and this is the exact wall that border security, water, everything.

* So I don't know what the record attendance is in this arena, but I was told that we broke it by a lot. And you got the people outside. Are we allowed to tell them who we would like them to vote for? Because you're allowed to skip. All right, so wait a minute, let's do a poll. We do this for the fake news back there. Ready? Who would be the best candidate for us? Not for them. We're ready. Ready? So let's go through them just quickly. We won't include Steyer because he's a loser. He's out, okay? We won't include him. Who would be the best? This is a real poll. This isn't one of those fake polls taken by ... In all fairness, I love you, Fox, taken by Fox, the worst pollster. This guy ... this pollster hates Trump's guts. I was losing the last election by a fortune. They said, &quot;He did great with women.&quot; Everything was wrong. And they never replaced this guy. But watch this. You ready?

* We had a great event yesterday, an event that was so beautiful, young African American leaders. One of the things I asked them, and I’ve been thinking about this for a long time… And great people, great people. Some of them are here tonight. Do you like the name African American or Black? And they said, “Black!” all at the same time. No, true. I tell you. Because you say, “African American or Black?” And they said almost immediately, “Black.” But we had an incredible group of people and what happened is {{w|NBC}}… It was such a love fest. It was so incredible. It went on for 45 minutes. It was a love fest. It was incredible. NBC turned down… There they are right there. They turned down… {{w|Comcast}}, which owns NBC… Actually NBC, I think, we call it [[w:List of nicknames used by Donald Trump#Organizations|MSDNC]], right? MSDNC. But NBC I think is worse than {{w|CNN}}. I actually do. And Comcast, a company that spends millions and millions of dollars on their image… I’ll do everything possible to destroy their image because they are terrible. They are terrible. They’re a terrible group of people. And they paid me a fortune for years for [[w:The Apprentice (American TV series)|the Apprentice]]. They paid me a fortune. And when I left the show, it was doing great. When I left the show, 14 seasons, think of that, they got a [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|big movie star]]. I won’t tell you his name. Nobody would know. Actually nobody will know his name because he was on for such a short period of time. But the show went down the tubes very quickly after they had Trump. But the country in five years from now, of course you want to upset them, five years or nine years or 13 years. Or 18 years! 10 more years. Nah. Oh, they go crazy when you say it. When you say to them five more years, so it’s five, but you then say maybe nine, maybe 13, maybe 17, maybe 21, or not, maybe 21. Let’s do this. Let’s term limit ourselves at 25 years. No more than 25 years. No more. Okay. They’ll pass something in the Senate. Tim, pass it in the Senate with Lindsey, a 25 year term limit please.

====March 2020====
* Well, I think the 3.4% is really a false number. Now, and this is just my hunch, and — but based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this. Because a lot people will have this and it's very mild. They'll get better very rapidly. They don't even see a doctor. They don't even call a doctor. You never hear about those people. So you can't put them down in the category of the overall population in terms of this [[Coronavirus|corona flu and/or virus]]. So you just can't do that. So, if, you know, we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work. Some of them go to work, but they get better.
** ''Hannity'', Fox News, {{#formatdate:2020-03-04}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-05 |author=Inae Oh |title=Trump Unleashes More Coronavirus Misinformation on National Television |periodical=Mother Jones |url=https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2020/03/donald-trump-coronavirus-sean-hannity/}}

* But as of right now and yesterday, anybody that needs a test — That's the important thing. And [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States#COVID-19 testing|the tests]] are all perfect. Like, the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. Right? This was not as perfect as that but pretty good.
** Comparing coronavirus tests to his Ukraine phone call that led to his impeachment
** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=Trump Says Coronavirus Testing Is as ‘Perfect’ as His Ukraine Call|author=Chas Danner|periodical=New York|url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/03/trump-coronavirus-testing-as-perfect-as-ukraine-call.html}}

* They would like to have the people come off. I'd rather have the people stay, but I'd go with them. I told them to make the final decision. I would rather — because I like the numbers being where they are. I don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault.
** regarding Grand Princess cruise ship with 21 diagnosed cases of coronavirus
** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=Trump Says ‘People Have to Remain Calm’ Amid Coronavirus Outbreak|author=Peter Baker|periodical=New York Times|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/06/us/politics/trump-coronavirus-cdc.html}}

* You know, my uncle was a great person. He was at MIT. He taught at MIT for, I think, like a record number of years. He was a great super genius. Dr. John Trump. I like this stuff. I really get it. People are surprised that I understand it. Every one of these doctors said, &quot;How do you know so much about this?&quot; Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have done that instead of running for President.
** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=‘Maybe I have a natural ability’: Trump plays medical expert on coronavirus by second-guessing the professionals|author=David Nakamura|periodical=Washington Post|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/maybe-i-have-a-natural-ability-trump-plays-medical-expert-on-coronavirus-by-second-guessing-the-professionals/2020/03/06/3ee0574c-5ffb-11ea-9055-5fa12981bbbf_story.html}}

* I've been briefed on every contingency you can possibly imagine. Many contingencies. A lot of—a lot of positive. Different numbers. All different numbers. Very large numbers. And some small numbers too, by the way.
** Regarding coronavirus. Posed question: &quot;Mr. President, have you been briefed that up to 100 million Americans would ultimately be exposed to the virus?&quot;
** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-republican-senators-2/ Briefing at the White House] ({{#formatdate:2020-03-10}})

* No, '''I don't take responsibility at all''', because we were given a set of circumstances and we were given rules, regulations and specifications from a different time.
** Asked if he took responsibility for the lag in coronavirus testing
** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-03-13}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-13 |title='I don't take responsibility at all': Trump pushes back on complaints about coronavirus testing |author=Zachary Halaschak |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/i-dont-take-responsibility-at-all-trump-pushes-back-on-complaints-about-coronavirus-testing}}

* They're trying to scare everybody, from meetings, cancel the meetings, close the schools—you know, destroy the country. And that's okay, as long as we can win the election.
** Fundraiser, Mar-a-Lago, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-15 |title=Trump says media 'scare' coverage of coronavirus response OK 'as long as we can win the election': Report |author=Daniel Chaitin |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/trump-says-media-scare-coverage-of-coronavirus-response-okay-as-long-as-we-can-win-the-election-report}}

* It's a very contagious virus. It's incredible. But it's something we have tremendous control of. I think very important the young people, people of good health and groups of people just are not strongly affected.
** In a White House briefing, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-15 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims US has 'tremendous control' of the coronavirus |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/03/15/politics/fact-check-trump-control-coronavirus/index.html}}

* Respirators, ventilators, all of the equipment—try getting it yourselves. We will be backing you, but try getting it yourselves. Point of sales, much better, much more direct if you can get it yourself.
** Call with governors, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump tells governors to seek out respirators and other vital equipment on their own. |author=''The New York Times'' staff |periodical=The New York Times |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/16/world/coronavirus-news.html}}

* We have an invisible enemy. We have a problem a month ago nobody ever thought about. [...] This is a bad one, this is a very bad one. This is bad in the sense that it's so contagious. It's just so contagious. Sort of record-setting type contagion.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-17 |title=The Last Great Pandemic |author=Jarrett Stepman |periodical=The Daily Signal |url=https://www.dailysignal.com/2020/03/17/the-last-great-pandemic/}}

* &lt;p&gt;''Q:'' Very simple question; does the buck stop with you? And on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your response to this crisis?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Donald Trump:'' I'd rate it a 10. I think we've done a great job. And it started with the fact that we kept a very highly infected country, despite all of the—even the professionals saying no, it's too early to do that, we were very, very early with respect to China. And we would have a whole different situation in this country if we didn't do that. I would rate it a very, very—I would rate ourselves and—and the professionals—I think the professionals have done a fantastic job.&lt;/p&gt;
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump: I'd Rate My Response To Coronavirus a 10 |author=Ian Schwartz |periodical=RealClearPolitics |url=https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/03/16/trump_id_rate_my_response_to_coronavirus_a_10.html}}

* &lt;p&gt;''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you, Mr. President?  Does the buck stop with you?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Donald Trump:'' Yeah, normally. But I think when you hear the—you know, this has never been done before in this country.&lt;/p&gt;
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump says buck 'normally' stops with him — but not for coronavirus |author=Oliver Willis |periodical=American Independent |url=https://americanindependent.com/donald-trump-coronavirus-response-buck-stops-here-white-house-covid-19/}}

* &lt;p&gt;''Peter Alexander:'' How are non-symptomatic professional athletes getting tests while others are waiting in line and can't get them?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Donald Trump:'' No, I wouldn’t say so, but '''perhaps that’s been the story of life'''. That does happen on occasion and I’ve noticed where some people have been tested fairly quickly.&lt;/p&gt;
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-18}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-18 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says it may be 'the story of life' that well-connected get testing first |author=Janelle Griffith |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/coronavirus-nyc-mayor-slams-nets-over-testing-trump-weighs-n1162971}}

* &lt;p&gt;''Peter Alexander:'' What do you say to Americans who are scared though? I guess, nearly 200 dead, 14,000 who are sick, millions, as you witnessed, who are scared right now? What do you say to Americans who are watching you right now who are scared?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;''Donald Trump:'' I say that you're a terrible reporter, that's what I say. I think that's a very nasty question.&lt;/p&gt;
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-20}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-20 |title=Trump launches into tirade against media, insults NBC reporter at coronavirus briefing |author=Adam Edelman |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-rips-reporter-who-asked-him-calm-scared-americans-terrible-n1165031}}

* We're [[w:Trump administration communication during the COVID-19 pandemic#Lifting restrictions|opening up]] this incredible country. Because we have to do that. I'd love to have it open by Easter. I would love to have it opened by Easter. It's such an important day for other reasons, but I will make it an important day for this, too. I would love to have the country opened up and just rarin' to go by Easter.
** Fox News town hall, {{#formatdate:2020-03-24}}

* Look, Easter's a very special day for me. And I see it's sort of in that timeline that I'm thinking about. And I say, &quot;Wouldn't it be great to have all of the churches full?&quot; – you know the churches aren't allowed, essentially, to have much of a congregation there. And most of 'em, I watched on Sunday, online. And it was terrific, by the way, but online is never going to be like being there. So I think Easter Sunday, and you'll have packed churches all over our country. I think it would be a beautiful time. And it's just about the timeline that I think is right.
** Fox News interview, {{#formatdate:2020-03-24}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-24 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says Easter with ‘packed churches’ would be ‘beautiful time’ to reopen US |author=John T Bennett |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-coronavirus-news-reopen-us-borders-easter-holiday-a9423041.html}}

* I have a feeling that a lot of the numbers that are being said in some areas are just bigger than they’re going to be, I don't believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators. You go into major hospitals sometimes, and they’ll have two ventilators. And now all of a sudden they’re saying, 'Can we order 30,000 ventilators?'
** Speaking with [[Sean Hannity]] on [[Fox News]] on 26 March 2020. As quoted in ''[https://www.politico.com/news/2020/03/26/trump-ventilators-coronavirus-151311 Trump: I don't believe you really need that many ventilators]'', 27 March 2020, ''{{w|Politico}}''.

* Don't be a cutie pie, okay?
** Trump responding to the question “But everybody who needs one will be able to get a ventilator?” from reporter Jonathan Karl.  As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump to reporter pressing him about ventilators: 'Don't be a cutie pie' |author=Tal Axelrod |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/489958-trump-to-reporter-pressing-him-about-ventilators-dont-be-a-cutie-pie}}

* ...young people are really, this is an incredible phenomenon, but they are attacked, successfully attacked to a much lesser extent by [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic|this pandemic]], by this disease. This whatever they want to call it. '''You call it a germ, you can call it a flu, you can call it a virus. You know, you can call it many different names. I'm not sure anybody even knows what it is''', but the children do very well.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-27}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump on Coronavirus: &quot;I'm Not Sure Anybody Even Knows What It Is&quot;; &quot;You Can Call It A Germ, You Can Call It A Flu&quot; |author=Ian Schwartz |periodical=RealClearPolitics |url=https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/03/27/trump_on_coronavirus_im_not_sure_anybody_even_knows_what_it_is_you_can_call_it_a_germ_you_can_call_it_a_flu.html}}

* Just finished a very good conversation with President Xi of China. Discussed in great detail the CoronaVirus that is ravaging large parts of our Planet. China has been through much &amp; has developed a strong understanding of the Virus. We are working closely together. Much respect!
** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump claims Asian Americans are angry at 'what China has done' to U.S. |author=Kimmy Yam |periodical=Yahoo News / NBC News |url=https://news.yahoo.com/trump-claims-asian-americans-angry-190959445.html}}

* Nobody could have imagined a thing like this — a tragedy like this would have happened: the invisible enemy.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''.

* The federal government has done something that nobody has done anything like this other than perhaps wartime. And that’s what we’re in: We’re in a war.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''.

* My administration has done a job on really working across government and with the private sector, and it’s been incredible.  It’s a beautiful thing to watch, I have to say.  Unfortunately, the end result of the group we’re fighting — which are hundreds of billions and trillions of germs, or whatever you want to call them — they are bad news. This virus is bad news and it moves quickly, and it spreads as easily as anything anyone has ever seen.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''.

* I just want to reiterate, because a lot of people have been asking, well, what would have happened if we did nothing? Did nothing, we just rode it out, and I’ve been asking that question to Tony and Deborah, and they’ve been talking to me about it for a long time, other people have been asking that question, and I think we got our most accurate study today, or certainly most comprehensive. Think of the number, potentially, 2.2 million people if we did nothing. If we didn’t do the distancing, if we didn’t do all of the things that we’re doing. When you hear those numbers, you start to realize that, with the kind of work we went through last week, with the $2.2 trillion, it no longer sounds like a lot, right? You’re talking about, when I heard the number today, first time I’ve heard that number, because I’ve been asking the same question that some people have been asking, I felt even better about what we did last week with the $2.2 trillion, because you’re talking about a potential of up to 2.2 million, and some people said it could even be higher than that. So you’re talking about 2.2 million deaths. 2.2 million people from this. If we can hold that down as we’re saying, to 100,000, it’s a horrible number. Maybe even less, but to 100,000, so we have between 100 and 200,000, we altogether have done a very good job. 2.2, up to 2.2 million deaths and maybe even beyond that? I’m feeling very good about what we did last week.
** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, March 29, 2020, [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-march-29-trump-extends-task-force-guidelines-to-april-30 transcript online] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''

* I know South Korea better than anybody, it's a very tight — do you know how many people are in Seoul? Do you know how big the city of Seoul is? 38 million people. That's bigger than anything we have.
** Trump talking about Seoul, which is a city with 10 million people according to the city government's English language website. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-30 |title=Trump tried to flex by asking a reporter about the population of Seoul. Then he got it wrong by 28 million. |author=Jake Lahut |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-trump-got-the-population-of-seoul-wrong-by-millions-2020-3?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

====April 2020====
* It's called &quot;social media.&quot; It's social media. It gets out. I have, you know, hundreds of millions of people. Number one on Facebook.  Did you know I was number one on Facebook? I mean, I just found out I'm number one on Facebook. I thought that was very nice for whatever it means. No, it represents something. And when I can explain to people: Just don't do it. You know, it's going to be bad if you do it. It's going to be really bad. And they don't need to do it. They have enough problems. Iran has enough problems without doing that. But we’ve been pulling back very substantially over the last year, in Iraq. And so, you know, that's the way it is.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-01}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-01 |title=Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing |author=James S. Brady |periodical=White House |url=https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-16/}}.
** Note: At April 1, [https://web.archive.org/web/20200401020635if_/https://www.facebook.com/DonaldTrump/ Trump's official page], with 26.8 million likes and 28.5 million followers, was not among the [[w:List of most-followed Facebook pages|most-followed Facebook pages]]. At January 6, speaking on [[Rush Limbaugh]]'s radio show Trump stated that [[Mark Zuckerberg]] told him that he was &quot;number one on Facebook&quot;, claim that was not refuted by Facebook as reported in ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/trump-mark-zuckerberg-facebook_n_5e12e125e4b0843d3615393f Trump Claims Mark Zuckerberg Told Him He's 'Number One On Facebook']'' (January 8, 2020) by Josephine Harvey, ''{{w|HuffPost Australia}}''

* We’re working to ensure that the supplies are delivered where and when they’re needed, and in some cases, we’re telling governors we can’t go there because we don’t think you need it and we think someplace else needs it. And pretty much, so far, we’ve been right about that. And we’ll continue to do it. As it really gets — this will be probably the toughest week between this week and next week. And there’ll be a lot of death, unfortunately, but a lot less death than if this wasn’t done. But there will be death.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-19/ Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing]'' (April 4, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''

* So we’ve done 1,670,000 tests. Think of that 1,670,000 tests. And we have a great system. Now we’re working with the states in almost all instances, but we have a great system. And the other thing that we bought a tremendous amount of is the [[Hydroxychloroquine|hydroxy chloroquine]]. Hydroxy chloroquine, which I think is, you know, it’s a great [[malaria]] drug. It’s worked unbelievably. It’s a powerful drug on malaria and [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|there are signs]] that it works on this, some very strong signs and in the meantime it’s been around a long time. It also works very powerfully on lupus, so there are some very strong powerful signs and we’ll have to see because again, it’s tested.
** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.

* Now this is a new thing that just happened to as the invisible enemy we call it. And if you can, if you have a no signs of heart problems, the {{w|azithromycin}}, which will kill certain things that you don’t want living within your body. It’s a powerful drug. If you don’t have a problem, a heart problem, we would say, let your doctor think about it, but as a combination, I think they’re going to be, I think there’s two things that should be looked at very strongly. Now, we have purchased and we have stockpiled 29 million pills of the hydroxy chloroquine, 29 million. A lot of drug stores have them by prescription and also, and they’re not expensive. Also, we’re sending them to various labs. Our military, we’re sending them to the hospitals, we’re sending them all over. I just think it’s something, you know the expression, I’ve used it for certain reasons.
** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.

* What do you have to lose? What do you have to lose? And a lot of people are saying that when … and are taking it, if you’re a doctor, a nurse, a first responder, a medical person going into hospitals, they say taking it before the fact is good, but what do you have to lose? They say, take it, I’m not looking at it one way or the other, but we want to get out of this. If it does work, it would be a shame if we didn’t do it early. But we have some very good signs. So that’s hydroxy chloroquine and as azithromycin, and again, you have to go through your medical people get the approval. But I’ve seen things that I sort of like, so what do I know? I’m not a doctor, I’m not a doctor, but I have common sense.
** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.

* The [[w:Food and Drug Administration|FDA]] feels good about it. They’ve, as you know, they’ve approved it. They gave it a rapid approved approval. And the reason because it’s been out there for a long time and they know the side effects and they also know the potential. So based on that, we have sent it throughout the country. We have it stockpiled about 29 million doses, 29 million doses. We have a lot of it. We hope it works. Driven by the goal of the brightest minds in science. We have the brightest minds in science, but we were driven by the goal of getting rid of this plague, getting rid of this scourge, getting rid of this virus. These brilliant minds are working on the most effective antiviral therapies and vaccines. We are working very, very hard. I have met many of the doctors that are doing it. These are doctors that are working so hard on vanquishing the virus.
** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.
** Note: Hydroxychloroquine use is not approved by the FDA [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|for COVID-19]] as of 7 April 2020.

* I want them to try it. It may work, and it may not work. But if it doesn’t work, it’s nothing lost by doing it. Nothing. Because we know long-term what I want. I want to save lives, and I don’t want it to be in a lab for the next year-and-a-half as people are dying all over the place. In [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in France|France]], they had a very good test. They’re continuing. But we don’t have time to go and say, gee, let’s take a couple of years and test it out, and let’s go and test with the test tubes and the laboratories. We don’t have time. I’d love to do that, but we have people dying today. As we speak, there are people dying. If it works, that’d be great. If it doesn’t work, we know for many years malaria, it’s incredible what it’s done for malaria. It’s incredible what it’s done for lupus, but it doesn’t kill people.
** On using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19). Coronavirus Task Force Briefing (April 5, 2020). [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.

* '''Speaker to [[Anthony Fauci]]''': And would you also weigh in on this issue of hydroxychloroquine? What do you think about this and what is the medical evidence?
:'''Donald Trump''': You know how many times he’s answered that question?
:'''Speaker''': I’d love to hear from the doctor.
:'''Donald Trump''': Maybe 15. 15 times. You don’t have to ask the question.
:'''Speaker''': He’s your medical expert, correct?
:'''Donald Trump''': He answered that question 15 times.
:* On using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19). Coronavirus Task Force Briefing (April 5, 2020). [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''

* She created over 15 million jobs.
** Donald Trump talking about his daughter Ivanka Trump in a call with business leaders.  No explanation or supporting evidence was provided.  {{citation |date=2020-04-07 |title=Trump claims that his daughter created 10 percent of all the jobs in the United States |author=Ian Millhiser |periodical=Vox |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/4/8/21212802/trump-ivanka-10-percent-jobs-walmart-15-million}}

* This is a very brilliant enemy. You know, it's a brilliant enemy. They develop drugs like the antibiotics, you see it. Antibiotics used to solve every problem. Now one of the biggest problems the world has is the germ has gotten so brilliant, that the antibiotic can't keep up with it. And they're constantly trying to come up with a new— People go to a hospital and they catch– They go for a heart operation, that's no problem, but they end up dying from, from... problems. You know the problems I'm talking about.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-10 |title=Watch: Trump Appears To Believe That Coronavirus Is A Bacteria, Not A Virus |author=Jake Thomas |periodical=The Intellectualist |url=https://mavenroundtable.io/theintellectualist/news/watch-trump-appears-to-believe-that-coronavirus-is-a-bacteria-not-a-virus-qNAKtyts0UCLxCPxQv0EQg}}
* When someone is president of the United States the authority is total.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-13}}, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-13 |title=CNN reporter flat-out contradicts Trump to his face when he claims king-like authority |author=Cody Fenwick |periodical=RawStory |url=https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/cnn-reporter-flat-out-contradicts-trump-to-his-face-when-he-claims-king-like-authority/}}

* The delays the [[WHO]] experienced in declaring a public health emergency cost valuable time tremendous amounts of time; more time was lost in the delay it took to get a team of international experts and to examine the outbreak which we wanted to do which they should have done. The inability of the WHO to obtain virus samples to this date has deprived the scientific community of essential data. New data that emerges across the world on a daily basis points to the unreliability of the initial reports and the world received all sorts of false information about transmission and mortality. The silence of the WHO on the disappearance of scientific researchers and doctors and new restrictions on the sharing of research into the origins of COVID-19 in the country of origin is deeply concerning especially when we put up by far the largest amount of money, not even close. Had the WHO done its job to get medical experts into China to objectively assess the situation on the ground and to call out China's lack of transparency, the outbreak could have been contained as a source with very little death, very little death, and certainly very little death by comparison. This would have saved thousands of lives and avoided worldwide economic damage. Instead the WHO willingly took China's assurances to face value, and they took it just at face value and defended the actions of the Chinese government, even praising China for its so-called transparency. I don't think so. The WHO pushed China's misinformation about the virus, saying it was not communicable, and there was no need for travel bans. They told us when we put on our travel ban a very strong travel ban, there was no need to do it. Don't do it; they actually fought us. The WHO's reliance on China's disclosures likely caused a 20-fold increase in cases worldwide, and it may be much more than that.
** White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 14, 2020), [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/04/14/trump_halts_who_funding_full_accountability_for_pushing_chinas_misinformation_about_coronavirus.html transcript online] at ''{{w|RealClearPolitics}}''

* Look, I could tell you about — and I’m not going to do it, because I didn’t want to bring it up — but I could tell you about events that took place.  And I said things like, “You’ll never do that again” or “You’ll never do this again” or — I don’t even want to mention the events.  I don’t want to mention what you’re supposed to be doing because — and you know one of them was so horrible.  I said, “A certain industry will be out of business — never happen again.”  Two weeks later, it was like nothing ever happened.  Hopefully, we get rid of this.  We have tremendous talent up here and all over, including governors, including local governments, state governments. 
** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-april-17-2020/ Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing | April 17, 2020]

* That’s why your ratings are so bad because you’re pathetic. Go ahead. Let’s go. Your ratings are terrible. You got to get back to real news. Go ahead.
** Trump interrupting a reporter who started a question with &quot;The first of the month is next week ... &quot;   White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 19, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-press-conference-transcript-april-19 Donald Trump Coronavirus Press Conference Transcript April 19]

* I think I read yesterday a report that we’ve done more than everybody — every other country — combined, &lt;BR&gt;
* We’ve tested more than every other country in the world even put together.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-21 |title=Trump just said the US has done more coronavirus testing than the rest of the world. Not even close. |author=Aaron Rupar |periodical=Vox |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/4/21/21230400/trump-coronavirus-briefing-testing-other-countries-combined}}
** Note: At that time, the US had done just above 4 million tests, while worldwide more than 20 million tests had been done.  

*And then I see '''the disinfectant''' where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute.&lt;br&gt;And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?&lt;br&gt;Because, you see, it gets on the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs.&lt;br&gt;So it'd be interesting to check that.&lt;br&gt;So that you're going to have to use medical doctors, but it sounds — it sounds interesting to me.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-23 |title='It's irresponsible and it's dangerous': Experts rip Trump's idea of injecting disinfectant to treat COVID-19 |author=Jan C. Timm |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/it-s-irresponsible-it-s-dangerous-experts-rip-trump-s-n1191246}}
** Note: Trump's Food and Drug Administration specifically warned against drinking the chemicals in disinfectants, noting that consumption of such products &quot;can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and symptoms of severe dehydration.&quot;
***despite this, Biden in July 2020 misquoted Trump as advocating drinking bleach

* So supposing we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light and I think you said that hasn't been checked but you’re going to test it. And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way.
** Trump, suggesting a way to cure COVID-19, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-23 |title='Jaw-Dropping’: Trump Slammed for Touting Dangerous New Virus Treatments After Favored Drug Is Discredited |author=Hunter Woodall |periodical=Daily Beast |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-slammed-for-touting-sunlight-uv-light-bleach-as-possible-covid-19-treatments-during-briefing}}

* And we’re — really, I’m very happy the governors have been — the governors, really, have been doing a really good job working with us, and it’s — it’s, really, pretty impressive to see.  I’ve spoken to numerous leaders of countries over the last 48 hours, and they are saying we’re leading the way.  We’re really leading the way in so many different ways.
** White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 23, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-press-conference-transcript-april-23 Donald Trump Coronavirus Press Conference Transcript April 23]

* I work from early in the morning until late at night, haven’t left the White House in many months (except to launch Hospital Ship Comfort) in order to take care of Trade Deals, Military Rebuilding etc., and then I read a phony story in the failing @nytimes about my work schedule and eating habits, written by a third rate reporter who knows nothing about me. I will often be in the Oval Office late into the night &amp; read &amp; see that I am angrily eating a hamberger &amp; Diet Coke in my bedroom. People with me are always stunned. Anything to demean!
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title='Hambergers' and 'Noble prizes': Trump attacks press in furious Twitter rant riddled with spelling errors |author=Alex Woodward |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-latest-coronavirus-hamburger-nobel-prize-russia-a9485006.html}}

* When will all of the 'reporters' who have received Noble Prizes for their work on Russia, Russia, Russia, only to have been proven totally wrong (and, in fact, it was the other side who committed the crimes) be turning back their cherished 'Nobles' so that they can be given to the REAL REPORTERS &amp; JOURNALISTS who got it right.
** Tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title=Trump calls for journalists who covered the Russia investigation to return their 'Noble Prizes' in Twitter rant before deleting it |author=James Pasley |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-deletes-tweet-calling-for-journalists-to-return-noble-prizes-2020-4?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

* What is the purpose of having White House News Conferences when the Lamestream Media asks nothing but hostile questions, &amp; then refuses to report the truth or facts accurately. They get record ratings, &amp; the American people get nothing but Fake News. Not worth the time &amp; effort!
** Tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title=Trump says briefings 'not worth the effort' amid fallout from disinfectant comments |author=Lauren Aratani |periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/apr/25/donald-trump-stays-away-from-briefings-amid-fallout-from-disinfectant-comments}}

* I can't imagine why.
** Trump was answering a question from a journalist about rise in misuse of disinfectants the last few days, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-27 |title=Trump Says He Takes No Responsibility For People Ingesting Disinfectant |author=Lydia O'Connor |periodical=Huffpost |url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-no-responsibility-disinfectant-use_n_5ea75b7dc5b6a30004e6e509}}

* The only reason the U.S. has reported one million cases of CoronaVirus is that our Testing is sooo much better than any other country in the World. 
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-29 |title=Trump still seems to not understand how bad the coronavirus crisis is |author=Stephen Collinson |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/29/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-politics-pence/index.html}}

* '''Donald Trump:''' And you have to understand: When we took over, the cupboards were bare. And the thing that — frankly, it’s not as tough as the ventilator situation. We’re the king of ventilators. But what we have done is — on testing, we’re doing numbers the likes of which nobody has ever seen before. And I told you, the President of South Korea, President Moon, called me to congratulate me on testing. And we did more tests than any other country anywhere in the world. And I think they told me yesterday a number — if you add up the rest of the world, we’ve done more testing. And it’s a higher quality test. So I think we’ve done a — I think the whole team, federal government — we built hospitals for you and others.
: '''{{w|Phil Murphy}}:''' You bet.
: '''Donald Trump:''' We built medical centers. And I’m talking about thousands and thousands of beds. Many, many medical centers. We had — as you know, we had the governor of Florida and the governor of Louisiana over the last two days. They could not have been — and one was a Democrat, and this gentleman happens to be a proud Democrat. They could not have been more supportive of the effort of the federal government. And I’ll tell you, Jim —
: '''{{w|James Acosta}}:''' But aren’t you seeing massive lines for food?
: '''Donald Trump:''' Let me just tell you, we have — we started off with empty cupboards. The last administration left us nothing. We started off with bad, broken tests and obsolete tests. What we’ve come up with, between the {{w|Abbott Laboratories}}, where you have the five-minute test. Did they test you today?
: '''Phil Murphy:''' They did test me.
: '''Donald Trump:''' Good. Now I feel better. (Laughter.)
: '''Phil Murphy:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m negative.
: '''Donald Trump:''' You did the five-minute — the Abbott test.
: '''Phil Murphy:''' I did the quick turnaround.
: '''Donald Trump:''' It’s so great.
: '''Phil Murphy:''' I feel like a new man.
: '''Donald Trump:'''  That’s a brand — you know what? That’s a brand-new test. That didn’t exist eight weeks ago, and now it’s like the rage. Everybody wants that test. No, I think we’ve done — I think we’ve done a really great job.
:* About [[Shortages related to the COVID-19 pandemic|the lack]] of tests for the novel coronavirus, ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-governor-murphy-new-jersey/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Governor Murphy of New Jersey]'' (April 30, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. Quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-blame-obama-covid-tests/ Did Trump Blame Obama for ‘Bad’ COVID-19 Tests?]'' by Bethania Palma, 1 May 2020, ''{{w|Snopes}}''
:* Note: No previous administration could have prepared a test for a disease which had yet to emerge. COVID-19 emerged during [[Trump's presidency]], the test was designed in 2020 by the [[Centers for Disease Control]] under the Trump administration. See {{w|Misinformation related to the COVID-19 pandemic#Presidential}}

* These are very good people, but they are angry. 
** Trump described armed demonstrators who stormed the state Capitol in Michigan, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-01 |title=Trump urges Michigan governor to give in to ‘very good people’ who stormed statehouse with guns |author=Travis Gettys |periodical=Rawstory |url=https://www.rawstory.com/2020/05/trump-urges-michigan-governor-to-give-in-to-very-good-people-who-stormed-statehouse-with-guns/}}

====May 2020====
* I can't tell you that. I'm not allowed to tell you that.
** Trump was answering what his basis was for claiming that the coronavirus emerged from a virology lab in the Wuhan city of China, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-01 |title='It Came Out Of China, Could Have Been Stopped': Prez Donald Trump On Coronavirus |author=PTI |periodical=Outlook |url=https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/world-news-it-came-out-of-china-could-have-been-stopped-prez-donald-trump-on-coronavirus/351848}}

* We will be AIDS-free within 8 years. We started, 10 years. Should've started in the previous administration. They did nothing. It started at my administration.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-03 |title=Fact check: Trump peppers Fox News town hall with false claims on coronavirus and other topics |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/03/politics/fact-check-fox-news-townhall-trump-may-3/index.html}}

* With all of that unity we have, in one sense, we have great unity, in another sense, I think they're going to come along, I mean, you know, I certainly hope so, but the main thing I have to do is bring our country back, and I want to get it back to where it was or maybe beyond where it was, you know, we have tremendous stimulus, all the money we've been talking about so far tonight.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-04 |title=The 45 most shocking lines from Donald Trump's Lincoln Memorial Fox town hall |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/04/politics/donald-trump-fox-lincoln-memorial/index.html}}

* So in California, the Democrats, who fought like crazy to get all mail in only ballots, and succeeded, have just opened a voting booth in the most Democrat area in the State. They are trying to steal another election. It’s all rigged out there. These votes must not count. SCAM!
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-09 |title=In Deranged Tweets Trump Says that All California Votes ‘Must Not Count’ |author=Mark NC |periodical=News Corpse |url=https://www.newscorpse.com/ncWP/?p=45212}}

* We are getting great marks for the handling of the CoronaVirus pandemic, especially the very early BAN of people from China, the infectious source, entering the USA. Compare that to the Obama/Sleepy [[Joe Biden|Joe]] disaster known as H1N1 Swine Flu. Poor marks, bad polls - didn’t have a clue!
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-10 |title=Trump claims he is ‘getting great marks’ for coronavirus response as US death toll nears 80,000
|author=Richard Hall |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-coronavirus-us-response-barack-obama-joe-biden-a9507346.html}}

* If people want to get tested, they get tested.
** Quoted in  {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims, again, that anybody who wants a test can get one |author=By Daniel Dale, David Wright, Arman Azad, Holmes Lybrand | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/11/politics/trump-fact-check-may-11/index.html}}

* Coronavirus numbers are looking MUCH better, going down almost everywhere.
** Quoted in  {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Trump points to 'the numbers,' which don't say what he thinks they say |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC | url=https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trump-points-numbers-which-don-t-say-what-he-thinks-n1205336}}

* We have to close the country. And I said, say it again. They said, sir, you have to close the country. Nobody ever heard of a thing like this but they were right because if I didn't we would have lost two million, two and a half million, maybe more than that people.
** Quoted by  {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Why Donald Trump's idea that he saved millions of lives is laughable |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/11/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-quarantine/index.html}}

* Asian Americans are VERY angry at what China has done to our Country, and the World. Chinese Americans are the most angry of all. I don’t blame them!
** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-12 |title=Trump claims Asian Americans are angry at 'what China has done' to U.S. |author=Kimmy Yam |periodical=Yahoo News / NBC News |url=https://news.yahoo.com/trump-claims-asian-americans-angry-190959445.html}}

* To me it's not an acceptable answer, especially when it comes to schools
** Trump was commenting on a statement from infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, warning that getting businesses and schools back open too quickly would lead to unnecessary suffering and death, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-13 |title=Trump's rebuke of Fauci encapsulates rejection of science in virus fight |author=Stephen Collinson |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/14/politics/donald-trump-anthony-fauci-science-coronavirus/index.html}}

* If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-16 |title=Trump seems to think there’d be no coronavirus if there was no testing. It doesn’t work like that. |author=Aaron Rupar |periodical=VOX |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/5/15/21259888/trump-coronavirus-testing-very-few-cases}}

* A lot of doctors take it. I take it.
* I would have told you that three or four days ago, but we never had a chance, because you never asked me the question.
** Trump, about taking the anti-malaria drug hydroxychloroquine to prevent Covid-19 disease, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-18 |title=FDA: This Drug Could Kill You. Trump: I’m Taking It! |author=Justin Paragona, Adam Rawnsley |periodical=The Daily Beast |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-reveals-hes-now-taking-unproven-anti-malarial-drug-fda-warned-against}}

* When we have a lot of cases, I don’t look at that as a bad thing — I look at that in a certain respect as being a good thing because it means our testing is much better. ... So I view it as a badge of honour, really,
** Trump talked about the 1.59 million confirmed cases of Covid-19, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-19 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says it’s ‘badge of honour’ for US to lead world in Covid-19 cases |author=Oliver O'Connell |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-coronavirus-cases-us-covid-death-toll-a9523166.html}}

* Breaking: Michigan sends absentee ballots to 7.7 million people ahead of Primaries and the General Election. This was done illegally and without authorization by a rogue Secretary of State. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path!
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-20 |title=Trump’s False Tweet About Michigan Absentee Ballot Applications |author=D'Angelo Gore |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/05/trumps-false-tweet-about-michigan-absentee-ballot-applications/}}

* And, you know, when you say “per capita,” there’s many per capitas. It’s, like, per capita relative to what? But you can look at just about any category, and we’re really at the top, meaning positive on a per capita basis, too. They’ve done a great job.
** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-20 |title=Did Trump Say There Are ‘Many Per Capitas’ During a COVID-19 Discussion? |author=Kim LaCapria |periodical=TruthOrFiction.com |url=https://www.truthorfiction.com/did-president-trump-say-there-were-many-per-capitas-in-a-covid-19-discussion/}}

* I didn’t want to give the press the pleasure of seeing it.
** Trump commented on why he didn't wear a face mask as a protection against the coronavirus at a visit to a factory, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-21 |title=Trump Goes Without Mask For Public Tour of Michigan Factory, Says He ‘Didn’t Want to Give the Press the Pleasure’ of Seeing Him Wearing One |author=Madeleine Carlisle |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5840833/trump-michigan-ford-plant-tour-mask/}}

* Yeah. I tested positively toward negative, right? So, no, I tested perfectly this morning, meaning—meaning I tested negative... But that’s a way of saying it: positively toward the negative.
** On having had a coronavirus test, spoken to reporters on the White House lawn, 2020-05-21. {{citation |url=https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-tested-very-positively/ |title=Did Trump Say He ‘Tested Very Positively’ for COVID-19, Meaning Negative? | publisher={{w|Snopes}} |date=May 22, 2020 |accessdate=May 22, 2020 |author=Bethania Palma}}

* I was honored five years ago, ‘man of the year’ in Michigan.
** {{citation |date=2020-05-22 |title=Trump’s Dubious Michigan ‘Man of the Year’ Boast |author=Robert Farley |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2019/08/trumps-dubious-michigan-man-of-the-year-boast/}}

* There is NO WAY (ZERO!) that Mail-In Ballots will be anything less than substantially fraudulent. Mail boxes will be robbed, ballots will be forged &amp; even illegally printed out &amp; fraudulently signed. The Governor of California is sending Ballots to millions of people, anyone living in the state, no matter who they are or how they got there, will get one. That will be followed up with professionals telling all of these people, many of whom have never even thought of voting before, how, and for whom, to vote. This will be a Rigged Election. No way!
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1265255835124539392 Twitter (26 May 2020)]

* Imagine if your local phone companies tried to edit or censor what you said. Social media companies have far more power.
** {{citation |date=2020-05-28 |title=Donald Trump just used a ridiculous comparison to justify his social media crackdown |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/28/politics/donald-trump-twitter-facebook-social-media-executive-order/index.html}}

====June 2020====
[[File:President Trump Visits St. John's Episcopal Church (49963649028).jpg|thumb|You have to dominate or you'll look like a bunch of jerks, you have to arrest and try people.]]
* You have to dominate or you'll look like a bunch of jerks, you have to arrest and try people.
* You don't have to be too careful.
** Trump ordering US governors on how to react against people protesting against police violence following the death of George Floyd, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-01 |title=An agitated Trump encourages governors to use aggressive tactics on protesters |author=Kevin Liptak, Ryan Nobles, Sarah Westwood |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/01/politics/donald-trump-race-police/index.html}}

*Washington, D.C., was the safest place on earth last night!
**[https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1267959729361485825 2 June 2020 tweet] quoted [https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2020-06-07/ap-fact-check-trump-exaggerations-on-blacks-economic-gains 8 June 2020] by [[US News]]

* It’s a great day for him. It’s a great day for everybody. This is a great, great day in terms of quality.
** Trump claimed that the US economy was &quot;back on track&quot;, and connected this with George Floyd, who had been killed by the police some days earlier, as quoted by by {{citation |date=2020-06-05 |title=Trump Criticised For Saying George Floyd Is Looking Down And Calling It ‘A Great Day’
 |author=Emma Rosemurgey |periodical=UNILAD |url=https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/trump-criticised-for-saying-george-floyd-is-looking-down-and-calling-it-a-great-day/}}

* Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. @OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up?
** Trump repeated suggestions, without providing evidence, regarding the peaceful protester Martin Gugino who suffered brain damage after being handled brutally by the police.  Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-09 |title=Trump Accuses 75-Year-Old Knocked Down By Buffalo Police Of Faking Fall
|author=Cameron Frew |periodical=UNILAD |url=https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/trump-accuses-75-year-old-knocked-down-by-buffalo-police-of-faking-fall/}}

* I think I’ve done more for the black community than any other President and let’s take a pass on Abraham Lincoln because he did good but although it’s always questionable, you know in other words the end result.
**Trump discussing his leadership and relationship with the African-American community during the {{w|George Floyd killing protests}}, spoken on a Fox News interview, archived at &quot;[https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/06/what-was-trump-trying-to-say-about-abraham-lincoln.html What Was Trump Trying to Say About Abraham Lincoln?]&quot; by Jeremy Stahl (June 12, 2020), published in ''{{w|Slate (magazine)|Slate}}''.

* He is a liar ... everybody in the White House hated [[John Bolton]].
** Trump described John Bolton, who was picked by Trump to be Security Adviser, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-15 |title=Trump brands John Bolton a ‘LIAR’ and says ‘everybody in the White House hated him’ after bombshell book extracts |author=Nicole Darrah |periodical=The Sun |url=https://www.the-sun.com/news/999925/trump-john-bolton-book-white-house-liar/}}

* These are the people – the best, the smartest, the most brilliant anywhere, and they’ve come up with the AIDS vaccine. They’ve come up with ... various things.
** Claimed about scientists, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-16 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump on an AIDS vaccine that doesn’t exist |author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen |periodical=News 12 |url=https://www.kxii.com/content/news/AP-FACT-CHECK-Trump-on-an-AIDS-vaccine-that-doesnt-exist-571309161.html/}}

*I did something good: I made [[Juneteenth]] very famous.&lt;br&gt;It’s actually an important event, an important time. But nobody had ever heard of it.
**Wednesday 17 June 2020 interview in the Oval Office according to [https://www.wsj.com/articles/trump-talks-juneteenth-john-bolton-economy-in-wsj-interview-11592493771 19 June 2020 article] by [[Michael Bender]] of [[Wall Street Journal]], highlighted [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/jun/20/donald-trump-tulsa-rally-crowd-empty-seats 21 June 2020] by [[Richard Wolffe]] of [[The Guardian]]

* I said, 'General, there's no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass, general. I have no railing.'
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-20 |title=1,798 words that prove how obsessed Donald Trump is with the West Point ramp story
 |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/22/politics/donald-trump-tulsa-rally-west-point-ramp/index.html |lang=en-US}}

* Your 401(k)s and money itself will be worthless.
** Claimed about what will happen if Joe Biden wins the next president election, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-20 |title=Lying again about the pandemic, Trump made 200 false claims from early June to early July |author=Daniel Dale, Tara Subramaniam
|periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/18/politics/fact-check-trump-june-july-2020/index.html |lang=en-US}}

*By the way, it’s a disease, without question [that] has more names than any disease in history. I can name “kung flu.” I can name 19 different versions of names. Many call it a virus, which it is. Many call it a flu. What difference? I think we have 19 or 20 different versions of the name.
** Discussing the [[COVID-19 pandemic]] at a {{w|Donald Trump's Tulsa rally|campaign rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 21}}, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-21 |title=This Is How Trump Plans to Beat Biden |author=Osita Nwanevu |periodical={{w|The New Republic}} |url=https://newrepublic.com/article/158245/trump-plans-beat-biden |lang=en-US}}

* RIGGED 2020 ELECTION: MILLIONS OF MAIL-IN BALLOTS WILL BE PRINTED BY FOREIGN COUNTRIES, AND OTHERS. IT WILL BE THE SCANDAL OF OUR TIMES!
** Claim quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-22 |title=FACT CHECK: Trump Spreads Unfounded Claims About Voting By Mail |author=Miles Parks |periodical=NPR |url=https://apnews.com/1d1a98892bdc7e1df97807b3be48bb13 |lang=en-US}}

* Cases up only because of our big number testing. Mortality rate way down!!!
* It’s fading away, it’s going to fade away.
* We have got the greatest testing program anywhere in the world.
* We’ve done too good a job.
* You know testing is a double-edged sword. ... Here’s the bad part. When you test to that extent, you are going to find more people, find more cases. So I said to my people, ‘Slow the testing down please.’
** Claimed about the Covid-19 pandemic, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-23 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Sober science weighs in on Trump’s virus take
 |author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen |periodical=AP |url=https://www.npr.org/2020/06/22/881598655/fact-check-trump-spreads-unfounded-claims-about-voting-by-mail |lang=en-US}}
*I said to my people &lt;i&gt;slow the testing down please&lt;/i&gt;
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baHR5E952H8 referring to [[COVID-19 testing]] during a Jun 21, 2020 campaign ralley in [[w:Tulsa, Oklahoma]] ]

* Well, one of the things that will be really great, you know the word experience is still good. I always say talent is more important than experience. I’ve always said that. But the word experience is a very important word. It’s an — a very important meaning.  I never did this before. I never slept over in Washington. I was in Washington, I think, 17 times. All of a sudden, I’m president of the United States. You know the story. I’m riding down Pennsylvania Avenue with our First Lady and I say, ‘This is great. But I didn’t know very many people in Washington. It wasn’t my thing. I was from Manhattan, from New York. Now I know everybody, and I have great people in the administration.  You make some mistakes. Like, you know, an idiot like Bolton. All he wanted to do was drop bombs on everybody. You don’t have to drop bombs on everybody. You don’t have to kill people.
** Trump was responding to the question &quot;What are your top priorities for a second term?&quot;, as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Trump Rambles Unintelligibly About Plan for Second Term  |author=Adam K Raymond |periodical= NY Mag|url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/06/trump-hannity-interview-full-of-unintelligible-rambling.html    }}

* Nobody briefed or told me, @VP Pence, or Chief of Staff @MarkMeadows about the so-called attacks on our troops in Afghanistan by Russians
** Trump commented on a news report saying that Russian spies are paying Taliban for killing US soldiers in Afghanistan, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-28 | title=Trump denies he was briefed on reported bounties on US troops |author=Kyle Balluck |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/504890-trump-denies-he-was-briefed-on-reported-bounties-on-us-troops |lang=en-US}}

* Can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something?
** Said in June 2020, about demonstrators in the streets around the White House following the death of George Floyd, according to former Defense Secretary Mark Esper, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/mark-esper-book-trump-protesters-24e93272-2af5-423d-be3b-164daab7b43d.html &quot;Scoop: Esper says Trump wanted to shoot protesters&quot;], Axios, 2 May 2022

====July 2020====
* I think we’re gonna be very good with the coronavirus. I think that at some point that’s going to, sort of, just disappear—I hope.
** Spoken on a morning news talk show regarding the [[COVID-19]] pandemic; at the time, the United States had over 120,000 deaths from the virus and over 2.5{{nbsp}}million infections. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-01 |title=Trump again claims coronavirus is ‘going to just disappear’ as US sees record number of new cases |author=Richard Hall |periodical=The Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-coronavirus-cases-us-fox-news-interview-today-covid-a9596631.html}}

* Against every law of society and nature, our children are taught in school to hate their own country and to believe that the men and women who built it were not heroes but that were villains. The radical view of American history is a web of lies, all perspective is removed, every virtue is obscured, every motive is twisted, every fact is distorted, and every flaw is magnified until the history is purged and the record is disfigured beyond all recognition.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-03 |title=Biden tells teachers they have ‘the most important’ job on same day Trump says they teach children to ‘hate their country’ |author=Valerie Strauss |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election/biden-trump-teachers-education-policy-2020-election-a9603156.html}}

* In our schools, our newsrooms, even our corporate boardrooms, there is a new far left fascism that demands absolute allegiance.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-03 |title=The 28 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's Mount Rushmore speech
 |author=Valerie Strauss |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/04/politics/donald-trump-mount-rushmore-south-dakota-speech-lines/index.html}}

* We got hit by the virus that came from China.  We’ve made a lot of progress. Our strategy is moving along well. 
* We’ve learned how to put out the flame.
* Now we have tested almost 40m people. By so doing, we show cases, 99% of which are totally harmless.
** Trump was describing the situation with Covid-19, where more than 128 000 had died out of around 2,800,000 found cases at that time, a death rate of more than 4 %, and around 40,000 to 50,000 new cases were found per day, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-04 |title=Trump claims 99% of US Covid-19 cases are 'totally harmless' as infections surge |author=David Smith |periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/jul/05/trump-claims-99-of-us-covid-19-cases-are-totally-harmless-as-infections-surge}}

* We’re very much going to put pressure on governors and everybody else to open the schools.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-07 |title=Column: Trump demands schools reopen or funds might be cut — our (expendable) kids must face the virus! |author=Rex Huppke |periodical=Chicago Tribune |url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-coronavirus-schools-trump-reopen-devos-florida-texas-covid-huppke-20200708-eeb6di3ml5cilk35hzl5ix5l6m-story.html}}

* We have -- consumer confidence has risen 12 points since April, an all-time high. Think of that.
** Untrue claim, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-09 |title=Fact check: Exaggerating again, Trump claims four non-record economic figures are records |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/06/politics/fact-check-trump-june-jobs-exaggerations/index.html}}

* Too many Universities and School Systems are about Radical Left Indoctrination, not Education.  Therefore, I am telling the Treasury Department to re-examine their Tax-Exempt Status and/or Funding, which will be taken away if this Propaganda or Act Against Public Policy continues. Our children must be Educated, not Indoctrinated!
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-11 |title=Doctors, teachers reject Trump's pressure to reopen U.S. schools
 |author=Susan Heavey |periodical=Reuters |url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-uda-education/in-bid-to-reopen-u-s-schools-trump-threatens-their-tax-exempt-status-idUSKBN24B2D3?il=0}}

* Deaths in the U.S. are way down.
* For the 1/100th time, the reason we show so many Cases, compared to other countries that haven’t done nearly as well as we have, is that our TESTING is much bigger and better. We have tested 40,000,000 people. If we did 20,000,000 instead, Cases would be half, etc. NOT REPORTED!
* We have the lowest Mortality Rate in the World.
* Job growth is biggest in history.
* Economy and Jobs are growing MUCH faster than anyone (except me!) expected.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-11 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump keeps repeating false pandemic information |author= Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen, and Christopher Rugaber|periodical=Sentinel Colorado |url=https://sentinelcolorado.com/news/nation-world/fact-check/ap-fact-check-trump-keeps-repeating-false-pandemic-information/}}

* I disagreed with doing this very small (tiny) section of wall, in a tricky area, by a private group which raised money by ads.  It was only done to make me look bad, and perhsps it now doesn't even work. Should have been built like rest of Wall, 500 plus miles.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-12 |title=Trump says possibly unstable section of border wall funded by supporters was 'only done to make me look bad'|author= Catherine Garcia | periodical=The Week |url=https://theweek.com/speedreads/925124/trump-says-possibly-unstable-section-border-wall-funded-by-supporters-only-done-make-look-bad}}

* I know people that like the Confederate flag and they're not thinking about slavery.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-18 |title=Trump keeps fighting a Confederate flag battle many supporters have conceded |author= Tina Nguyen | periodical=Politico |url=https://www.politico.com/news/2020/07/18/trump-confederate-flag-battle-368607}}

* Look, I take responsibility always for everything because it's ultimately my job, too. I have to get everybody in line.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-19 |title=Trump pushes back against critics on coronavirus, addresses whether he will accept election results in exclusive interview |author= Ronn Blitzer | periodical=Fox News |url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-pushes-back-against-critics-on-coronavirus-addresses-whether-he-will-accept-election-results-in-exclusive-interview}}

* I’m not a big fan of Fox, I’ll be honest with you.
* We’re signing a healthcare plan within two weeks, a full and complete healthcare plan that the supreme court decision on DACA gave me the right to do.  So we’re going to solve – we’re going to sign an immigration plan, a healthcare plan, and various other plans. And nobody will have done what I’m doing in the next four weeks.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-19 |title=Donald Trump v Fox News Sunday: extraordinary moments from a wild interview |author= Amanda Holpuch | periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jul/19/donald-trump-fox-news-sunday-chris-wallace-interview}}

* We've done much better than most. And with the fatality rate at a lower rate than most, it's something that we can talk about.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-21 |title=AP FACT CHECK: A More Measured Trump Doesn't Mean Accurate |author=  | periodical=VOA |url=https://www.voanews.com/covid-19-pandemic/ap-fact-check-more-measured-trump-doesnt-mean-accurate}}

* Well, you see something that looks good and you don’t investigate it.
** Trump was describing his habit of retweeting content that has sometimes been odd, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-22 |title=Donald Trump admits he regrets his tweets 'too often', says his retweets 'get him in trouble' and reminisces about the 'old days when you could write a letter and let it sit for a day' |author= Ariel Zilber | periodical=DailyMail |url=https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8558493/Trump-says-regrets-Twitter-posts-admits-times-love-it.html}}

* So it sort of is curious. A man works for us, with us, very closely, Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx also, very highly thought of -- and yet, they're highly thought of, but &lt;b&gt;nobody likes me&lt;/b&gt;?  It can only be my personality, that's all.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title='Nobody likes me': Trump ponders pandemic popularity of Fauci and Birx |author= Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/28/politics/donald-trump-anthony-fauci-approval-rating/index.html}}

* If it reached my desk I would have done something about it.
** Trump was commenting on a U.S. intelligence assessment that Russia was paying a bounty to militants in Afghanistan to kill Americans there, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump hype on drug costs, hydroxychloroquine |author=Hope Yen and Calvin Woodward | periodical=Star Tribune |url=https://www.startribune.com/ap-fact-check-trump-hype-on-drug-costs-hydroxychloroquine/571989352/}}

* You can look at large portions of our country, it's corona-free.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely says 'large portions' of the US are 'corona-free,' repeats claim that protests are leading to rising cases |author=Holmes Lybrand, Tara Subramaniam, Nathan McDermott and Em Steck | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/28/politics/coronavirus-trump-kodak-press-briefing-fact-check/index.html}}

* Anarchists, Agitators or Protestors who vandalize or damage our Federal Courthouse in Portland, or any Federal Buildings in any of our Cities or States, will be prosecuted under our recently re-enacted [[Statues &amp; Monuments Act]]. MINIMUM TEN YEARS IN PRISON. Don’t do it!  
** [https://mobile.twitter.com/Oijans/status/1346916360178302978 Tweet] 28 July 2020

* I think she'd be a fine choice, Kamala Harris. She'd be a fine choice.
** Trump commented on the possibility of Kamala Harris becoming vice president candidate, according to a [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-marine-one-departure-072920/ White House transcript].  

* With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE &amp; FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote???
** A tweet ({{citation |url=https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1288818160389558273 |title=With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE &amp; FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote??? |date=2020-07-30 |accessdate=2020-07-30 |publisher={{w|Twitter}} |lang=en-US |author=Donald Trump}}) that received substantial attention with many further sources quoting it, such as {{citation |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-53599363 |title=Republicans to Trump: You can't delay 2020 election |date=2020-07-30 |accessdate=2020-07-30 |publisher={{w|BBC}} |lang=en-GB}}

* Must know Election results on the night of the Election, not days, months, or even years later!
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-29 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump’s election agitations and distortions |author=Calvin Woodward | periodical=Seattle Times |url=https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/ap-fact-check-trumps-election-agitations-and-distortions/}}

* Young people are almost immune to this disease.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-30 |title=Trump says he can't assure school safety amid pandemic: 'Can you assure anybody of anything?' |author=Jessie Hellman | periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/509902-trump-says-he-cant-assure-school-safety-amid-pandemic-can-you-assure}}

====August 2020====
* When you see the Drug Companies taking massive television ads against me, forget what they say (which is false), YOU KNOW THAT DRUG PRICES ARE COMING DOWN, BIG.
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-08-02 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump hype on drug costs, hydroxychloroquine |author=Hope Yen and Calvin Woodward | periodical=APNEWS |url=https://apnews.com/d7f1d2003aeaa95466e12b875b7b4619}}

* They are dying. That's true. And you -- it is what it is. But that doesn't mean we aren't doing everything we can. &lt;b&gt;It's under control as much as you can control it.&lt;/b&gt; This is a horrible plague that beset us.
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Stephen Collinson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump spinning virus failure as a win again by celebrating 'encouraging' progress | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-pence-birx/index.html}}

* You can take the number of cases and look &lt;b&gt;we're last, meaning we're first&lt;/b&gt;.
** Trump was explaining the virus situation, as quoted by {{citation | author=James Walker | date=2020-08-03 |title=5 Takeaways From Trump's Axios Interview | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-takeaways-donald-trump-axios-interview-1522596}}

* In an &lt;b&gt;illegal late night coup&lt;/b&gt;, Nevada’s clubhouse Governor made it impossible for Republicans to win the state.  &lt;b&gt;Post Office could never handle the Traffic of Mail-In Votes without preparation&lt;/b&gt;. Using Covid to steal the state. See you in Court!
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Quint Forgey | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump threatens lawsuit to block mail-in voting in Nevada | periodical=Politico | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2020/08/03/trump-nevada-mail-voting-lawsuit-390878}}

* Whether you call it Vote by Mail or Absentee Voting, in Florida the election system is Safe and Secure, Tried and True. Florida's Voting system has been cleaned up (we defeated Democrats attempts at change), so &lt;b&gt;in Florida I encourage all to request a Ballot &amp; Vote by Mail! &lt;/b&gt;#MAGA,
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-03 |title=In apparent reversal, Trump encourages Floridians to vote by mail
 | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/donald-trump-mail-in-voting-florida/index.html}}

* There is no way you can go through a mail-in vote without massive cheating.
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-03 |title=Jonathan Swan reveals the simple secret to exposing Trump's lies: basic follow-up questions | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/fact-check-jonathan-swan-axios-hbo-interview-trump-coronavirus/index.html}}

* I read a lot. I comprehend extraordinarily well. Probably better than anybody you’ve interviewed in a long time,
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Aaron Rupar | date=2020-08-03 |title=“They are dying. That’s true. It is what it is.” Trump’s Axios interview was a disaster. | periodical=VOX | url=https://www.vox.com/2020/8/4/21354055/trump-axios-interview-jonathan-swan}}

* I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know John Lewis.  He chose not to come to my inauguration. He chose -- I don't -- I never met John Lewis actually, I don't believe.
** Trump was responding to how civil rights icon John Lewis will be remembered, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tyler Olson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump withholds praise for John Lewis, notes he 'didn't come to my inauguration'| periodical=Fox News| url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-john-lewis-inauguration}} 

* When I took over we didn't even have a test.
** Trump pointed out that in 2017, there was no test for the coronavirus that emerged in 2019, as quoted by {{citation | author=Steve Benen | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump points to imagined 'manuals' to argue against virus tests | periodical=MSNBC | url=https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trump-points-imagined-manuals-argue-against-virus-tests-n1235815}} 

* we have done an incredible job, everything is under control [referring to the United states handling of the [[Covid Pandemic]] ]
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaaTZkqsaxY interview] by  [[w:Jonathan Swan]] of [[w:Axios (website)|Axios]] on [[w:HBO]]

* It would seem like it based on the explosion. I met with some of our great generals and they just seem to feel that it was. This was not a — some kind of a manufacturing explosion type of a event. … They seem to think it was a attack. It was a bomb of some kind, yes.
** When asked why he called an explosion in Beirut an attack and not an accident, as quoted by {{citation | author=Darlene Superville/AP | date=2020-08-04 |title=Trump Says Massive Explosion in Beirut Likely an 'Attack' | periodical=Time | url=time.com/5875784/trump-explosion-beirut-attack/}} 

* '''Q''': (Inaudible) if 160,000 people had died on President Obama's watch, do you think you would have called for his resignation?
: '''Trump''': No, I wouldn’t have done that. I think it’s — I think it’s been amazing what we’ve been able to do. If we didn’t close up our country, we would have had one and a half or two million people already dead. We’ve called it right; now we don’t have to close it. We understand the disease. Nobody understood it because nobody has ever seen anything like this. The closest thing is, in 1917, they say — right? The great — the great pandemic certainly was a terrible thing, where they lost, anywhere from 50- to 100 million people. Probably ended the [[Second World War]]; all the soldiers were sick. That was a — that was a terrible situation. And this is highly contagious. This one is highly, highly contagious. No, if I would have listened to a lot of people, we would have kept it open. And, by the way, we keep it open now, all the way. We keep it open. But we would have kept it open and you could be up to a million and a half or two million people right now — one and a half to two million people. Our people have done a fantastic job — our consultants and our doctors. You know, and with disagreements and with a lot of things happening.
:* ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-press-briefing-august-10-2020/ Remarks by President Trump in Press Briefing | August 10, 2020]'', issued on: August 11, 2020, ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''
:* Note: In October 2014, Donald Trump [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/525431218910027776 tweeted] that U.S. President [[Barack Obama]] should resign because a doctor who had treated [[Ebola]] patients in Guinea returned to the U.S, reported in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.?]'' by David Mikkelson, 15 May 2020, ''{{w|Snopes}}''. And the [[1918 flu pandemic]] lasted from February 1918 to April 1920, years before the [[World War II]] which started in 1939.

* If Biden would win, he's going to double, triple, everybody's taxes.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale, Holmes Lybrand and Tara Subramaniam | date=2020-08-04 |title=Fact Check: At briefings, Trump is settling into a routine of false claims and exaggeration | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/12/politics/donald-trump-press-briefing-biden-tax-plan-coronavirus-fact-check/index.html}} 

* Nasty
* Horrible
* Person who has told many many stories that weren't true
* Extraordinarily nasty
* Nasty to a level that was just a horrible thing
* Very very nasty to Joe Biden
* Probably nastier even than Pocahontas
* Meanest, most horrible, most disrespectful of anybody in the U.S. Senate.
** On [[Kamala Harris]], as quoted by {{citation | author=Andrew Solender | date=2020-08-11 | title=Trump Repeatedly Calls Kamala Harris ‘Nasty’ And ‘Horrible’ In White House Briefing | periodical=Forbes | url=https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrewsolender/2020/08/11/trump-repeatedly-calls-kamala-harris-nasty-and-horrible-in-white-house-briefing/#440e0fb54570}} 
 
* Europe has experienced a nearly 40% higher excess mortality rate than the United States
** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted by {{citation | author=Jessica McDonald | date=2020-08-11 | title=Trump Touts Misleading and Flawed Excess Mortality Statistic | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/08/trump-touts-misleading-and-flawed-excess-mortality-statistic/}} 

* If I don’t win the election, China will own the United States — you will have to learn to speak Chinese!
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Justin Paragona | date=2020-08-12 |title=Trump: If I Lose to Biden, Get Ready to ‘Have to Learn to Speak Chinese’| periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-if-i-lose-to-biden-get-ready-to-have-to-learn-to-speak-chinese/}} 

* So showerheads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Debbie White, Jon Rogers, Fionnuala O'Leary | date=2020-08-12 |title=US proposes change to shower rules after President’s hair-washing complaint | periodical=The SUN | url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12369436/donald-trump-latest-news-live-updates/}} 

* Leave Democrat cities.  Let them rot.
** Retweeted by Trump, as quoted by {{citation | author=James Gordon | date=2020-08-16 |title='Let them rot!': Trump retweets supporter's message calling for Democrat-led cities such as NYC and Chicago to be abandoned - along with a video of protesters threatening drivers in Manhattan
 | periodical=CNN | url=https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8633677/Let-rot-Trump-retweets-supporters-message-democrat-cities.html}} 

* New Zealand, by the way, had a big outbreak
** Said about the Covid-19 virus, which at that time had caused the death of a total of 22 persons in New Zealand.  Quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-18 |title=Fact check: Trump says New Zealand has had a 'big outbreak.' It reported 5 new cases on Thursday | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/fact-check-trump-new-zealand-outbreak/index.html}} 

* Don't buy GOODYEAR TIRES - They announced a BAN ON MAGA HATS. Get better tires for far less! (This is what the Radical Left Democrats do. Two can play the same game, and we have to start playing it now!)
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump 'cancels' Goodyear tires as he campaigns against 'cancel culture'
 | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/trump-goodyear-cancel-culture/index.html}} 

* I don't know much about the movement other than I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate
** Said about the QAnon group, as quoted by {{citation | author=Kevin Liptak | date=2020-08-20 |title=Trump embraces QAnon conspiracy because 'they like me' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/donald-trump-qanon/index.html}} 

* I see again the forest fires are starting.  They’re starting again in California. I said, you gotta clean your floors, you gotta clean your forests — there are many, many years of leaves and broken trees and they’re like, like, so flammable, you touch them and it goes up.  Maybe we’re just going to have to make them pay for it because they don’t listen to us.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Jeremy B. White | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump blames California for wildfires, tells state 'you gotta clean your floors'
 | periodical=Politico | url=https://www.politico.com/states/california/story/2020/08/20/trump-blames-california-for-wildfires-tells-state-you-gotta-clean-your-floors-1311059}} 

* I know nothing about the project other than I didn't like when I read about it, I didn't like it.
* I think it's a very sad thing for Mr. Bannon.  I didn't know any of the other people, either.
** Trump talked about the private &quot;We build the wall&quot; project, as quoted by {{citation | author=Andrew Kaczynski, Em Steck | date=2020-08-20 |title=Fact check: Trump knows most people involved in private border wall project, despite claiming not to | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/fact-check-trump-private-border-wall-project/index.html}} 

* The only way they're gonna win is by a rigged election. I really believe that. I saw the crowd outside.
** Said about Democrats, as quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-20 |title=Fact check: Trump delivers blizzard of false claims in Pennsylvania speech attacking Biden | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/trump-false-claims-pennsylvania-speech-biden-fact-check/index.html}} 

* We're going to have sheriffs, and we're going to have law enforcement, and we're going to have, hopefully, US attorneys, and we're going to have everybody and attorney generals [sic]
** Trump told about his plan for monitoring and preventing voter fraud, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tara Subramariam | date=2020-08-21 |title=Fact Check: Can the President send law enforcement officers to polling places? | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/21/politics/donald-trump-law-enforcement-election-polls-fact-check/index.html}} 

* The deep state, or whoever, over at the FDA is making it very difficult for drug companies to get people in order to test the vaccines and therapeutics. Obviously, they are hoping to delay the answer until after November 3rd. Must focus on speed, and saving lives
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Hope Yen, Calvin Woodward | date=2020-08-24 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump's baseless claim of 'deep state' at FDA| periodical=Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | url=https://www.post-gazette.com/business/powersource/2020/08/24/AP-FACT-CHECK-Trump-s-baseless-claim-of-deep-state-at-FDA/stories/202008240037}}

====September 2020====
* The entire city is ablaze all the time.
** Claimed about Portland, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-01 |title=Fact check: Trump makes more false claims about Biden and protests | author=By Daniel Dale, Tara Subramaniam, Holmes Lybrand | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/31/politics/trump-kenosha-briefing-fact-check/index.html}}

* CNN reported that I had a heart attack.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}}

* Hospitalizations and deaths have declined radically over the past week.
** Claimed about the Covid-19 pandemic, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}}

* The Dow Jones Industrial just closed above 29,000! You are so lucky to have me as your President.  With Joe Hiden’ it would crash.
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301249968091455488 Tweet]

* Did you ever see a man who likes a mask as much as him? He has it hanging down. Because it gives him a feeling of security. If I were a psychiatrist, right, you know I'd say: 'This guy's got some big issues. Hanging down. Hanging down'.
** Said about President candidate Joe Biden wearing a face mask for protection against Covid-19, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-04 |title=Donald Trump mocks Joe Biden for manner of wearing mask | periodical=Independent.ie | url=https://www.independent.ie/videos/donald-trump-mocks-joe-biden-for-manner-of-wearing-mask-39502878.html}}  

* If it has not been counted, vote -- which is every citizen's right to do -- you go and vote. You press the lever and vote. So if it hasn't been counted, if it doesn't show up, go and vote, and then, if your mail-in ballot arrives after you vote, which it shouldn't but possibly it could perhaps, that ballot will not be used or counted in that your vote has already been cast and tabulated, so this way you're guaranteed to have your vote count.
** Trump suggested voting twice, which is a federal crime, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-04 | title=Ignoring warnings from election officials, Trump again suggests supporters should try to vote twice | author= Dianne Gallagher, Caroline Kelly, Marshall Cohen, Brian Rokus | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/05/politics/trump-vote-twice-north-carolina/index.html}} 

* The top people in the [[w:The Pentagon|Pentagon]]... want to do nothing but fight wars so all of those wonderful companies that make the bombs and make the planes and make everything else stay happy
** In front of the [[w:White House|White House]]  at a [https://www.trtworld.com/americas/trump-pentagon-chiefs-fighting-wars-to-oblige-arms-companies-39561 US Labor Day news conference on September 7, 2020] 

* Under Operation Warp Speed, we've pioneered groundbreaking therapies, reducing the fatality rate 85% since April.
* We're way ahead on the nuclear front. We've upgraded our nuclear.
* When reports come out that certain countries don't really like me too much, that's not because of my personality, although it could be that also, frankly.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-08 | title=The 37 most absurd lines from Donald Trump's Labor Day 'news conference'
 | author= Chris Cillizza | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/08/politics/donald-trump-labor-day-press-conference/index.html}} 

* The president of the United States calls the shots (Trump says in ~second 50 of video)
* If [[Bob Woodward]] thought what I said was bad then he should have immediately, right after I said it, gone out to the authorities so they can prepare,
** Trump was talking about what he told Bob Woodward regarding downplaying the coronavirus threat, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-10 | title=Someone needs to remind Donald Trump that Bob Woodward isn't president of the United States | author= Chris Cillizza | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/10/politics/trump-bob-woodward-rage/index.html}} 

* I think there’s probably – possibly – drugs involved
** Claimed about President Candidate Joe Biden, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-10 | title=Trump uses Fox News interview to accuse Biden of taking drugs | author= Martin Pengelly | periodical=The Guardian | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/sep/12/trump-biden-drugs-fox-news-interview}} 

* Tell your governor to open up your state
**  On September 14, 2020, in front of hundreds of supporters  packed together, according to [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/09/13/donald-trump-latino-voters-las-vegas-ahead-rally/5784501002/ ''Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak says Trump took 'reckless and selfish actions' by holding indoor rally'']

* I don't think science knows, actually.
* It'll start getting cooler. You just watch.
** Trump described his stance on climate science and global warming, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-14 | title=Trump baselessly questions climate science during California wildfire briefing | author= Maegan Vazquez | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/14/politics/donald-trump-wildfires-briefing-climate-change/index.html}} 

* Nobody knew the seniors are susceptible
** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Fact check: Trump made at least 22 false or misleading claims at ABC town hall | author= Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/16/politics/fact-check-trump-abc-town-hall/index.html}} 

* We’re on track to deliver and distribute the vaccine in a very, very safe and effective manner.  We think we can start sometime in October. So as soon as it is announced, we’ll be able to start. That’ll be from mid-October on. It may be a little bit later than that, but we’ll be all set.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump Again Overstates Speed of COVID-19 Vaccine Rollout | author= Jessica McDonald | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trump-again-overstates-speed-of-covid-19-vaccine-rollout/}} 

* As soon as the FDA approves the vaccine... we’ll be able to distribute 100 million doses by the end of 2020 and a large number much sooner than that
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump says U.S. could distribute at least 100 million COVID vaccine doses by end of 2020 | author= Reuters staff | periodical=Reuters| url=https://www.reuters.com/article/healthcoronavirus-trump-vaccine/trump-says-u-s-could-distribute-at-least-100-million-covid-vaccine-doses-by-end-of-2020-idINW1N2FG089}} 

* You saw what happened in Pennsylvania. Some state Supreme Court justice just ruled that they can take as long as they want to count the ballots. That means I’ll be leading and winning Pennsylvania like we did last time. Yeah, yeah. We’ll be leading, we’ll be winning Pennsylvania. We’re going to win it easy.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump’s False Statement About Counting Ballots in Pennsylvania | author= Rem Rieder | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-false-statement-about-counting-ballots-in-pennsylvania/}} 

* Can you believe it, in one week they nominated me, not for one, but for two Nobel prizes.  But you know, you have a president, you love your president, and your president gets honored, because I’m not being honored, you’re being honored with the Nobel Peace Prize, for Israel, what we did with Israel. 
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-19 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* I’m the only man that got nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and I didn’t get any press.  They wouldn’t. For two of them. Last week, I’m not bragging about it.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* I said, ‘Shinzo, please do me a favor, we need more car companies. ... We want them built here, not in Japan, please.’ He said, ‘But we cannot do that, this is a free enterprise system.’ I said, ‘... Please, I need some car companies.’ ... I said, ‘Shinzo, you have to do it.’ Next day, it was the story: ‘Five car companies opened up in Michigan.‘
** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump’s made-up car plants, court revisionism | author= Hope Yen, Calvin Woodward, Tom Krisher | periodical=AP | url=https://apnews.com/ec85b88102464c9651d32b475c01c183}} 

* I saved it. I put our miners back to work.
** Claimed about the US coal mining industry, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Fact check: Trump makes false claims about his record on manufacturing and coal jobs | author= Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/23/politics/fact-check-trump-jobs-manufacturing-coal/index.html}} 

* Now we know it. It [the coronavirus] affects elderly people, elderly people with heart problems and other problems. If they have other problems. That's what it really affects. That's it.  You know, In some states, thousands of people—nobody young. Below the age of 18, like, nobody. They have a strong immune system, who knows? You look...Take your hat off to the young, because they have a hell of an immune system. But it affects virtually nobody. It's an amazing thing.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-22 | title=Trump Says Coronavirus 'Affects Virtually Nobody,' As U.S. Has World's Highest Death Toll | author= Kashmira Gander | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/trump-covid-virtually-nobody-rally-ohio-1533452}} 

* The stated goal of BLM people is to achieve the destruction of the nuclear family, abolish the police, abolish prisons, abolish border security, abolish capitalism and abolish school choice.  
** Claimed about the Black Lives Matter movement, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-25 | title=Donald Trump launches blistering attack on the Black Lives Matter movement | author= Graeme Massie | periodical=Independent.co.uk | url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-rally-today-blm-black-lives-matter-b604727.html}} 

* Totally fake news
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/27/trump-calls-nyt-tax-report-totally-fake-news-422330Trump responding] to the NYT report on the alleged tax avoidance by Donald Trump

* We’re leading in Pennsylvania. We’re leading in Florida. I think we’re leading everywhere.
** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-28 | title=FactChecking Trump’s Weekend Claims
 | author=Lori Robertson, Robert Farley, Rem Rieder, Eugene Kiely, Jessica McDonald, D'Angelo Gore | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/factchecking-trumps-weekend-claims/}} 

* Drug prices will be coming down 80 or 90 percent.
* It's a rigged election.
** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-30 | title=Fact check: False claims flood Trump-Biden debate | author=AP staff | periodical=MPR news| url=https://www.mprnews.org/story/2020/09/30/fact-check-false-claims-flood-trumpbiden-debate}} 

* I read today where at least 1% of the ballots for 2016 were invalidated. They take 'em. 'We don't like 'em. We don't like 'em.' They throw them out, left and right
* Take a look at West Virginia, mailmen selling the ballots. They're being sold.
* Number two, they cheat. They cheat. Hey, they found ballots in a wastepaper basket three days ago, and they all had the name military ballots -- there were military -- they all had the name Trump on 'em.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-30 | title=Fact check: Almost every single one of Trump's debate claims about mail-in voting was wrong | author=Daniel Dale, Marshall Cohen | periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/30/politics/fact-check-trump-first-debate-mail-voting-fraud/index.html}}

* [[Steve Jobs]] would not be happy that his wife is wasting  money he left her on a failing Radical Left Magazine that is run by a con man (Goldberg) and spews FAKE NEWS &amp; HATE. Call her, write her, let her know how you feel!!!
** [[Trump]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/06/business/donald-trump-laurene-powell-jobs/?iid=ob_lockedrail_longstory_pool Trump attacks the sixth-richest woman in the world for her ties to] [[w:The Atlantic|The Atlantic]] on September 6, 2020

====October 2020====
[[File:President Trump Works at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center (50423775191).jpg|thumb|[[Feeling]] really [[good]]! Don’t be [[afraid]] of [[COVID-19 pandemic|Covid]]. [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|Don’t let it dominate]] your [[life]]. We have developed, under the [[Presidency of Donald Trump|Trump Administration]], some really great [[drugs]] &amp; [[knowledge]]. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!]] 
* Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for [[COVID-19]]. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1311892190680014849 through twitter] on October 1, 2020

* OUR GREAT USA WANTS &amp; NEEDS STIMULUS. WORK TOGETHER AND GET IT DONE. Thank you!
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1312449034154504192 via tweet] on October 3, 2020

* If you look at the therapeutics, which I’m taking right now, some of them, and others are coming out soon that are looking like, frankly, they’re miracles, if you want to know the truth, they’re miracles.  People criticize me when I say that, but we have things happening that look like they’re miracles, coming down from God.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-03 |title=Trump’s COVID-19 Misinformation Since Testing Positive | author= Jessica McDonald, Eugene Kiely, Lori Robertson | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/trumps-covid-19-misinformation-since-testing-positive/}}

* I learned a lot about COVID. I learned it by really going to school. This is the real school, this isn’t the let’s-read-a-book school. And I get it and I understand it and it’s a very interesting thing and I’m gonna be letting you know about it.
** Said while being treated in hospital for Covid-19, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-05 |title=Editorial: President Trump’s learn-by-doing approach to COVID-19 | author=LA Times Editorial Board | periodical=LA Times | url=https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2020-10-06/trump-covid-school}}

* I will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6:30 P.M. Feeling really good! Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs &amp; knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313186529058136070 Via twitter] posted 11:37 AM · Oct 5, 2020

* Flu season is coming up! Many people every year, sometimes over 100,000, and despite the Vaccine, die from the Flu. Are we going to close down our Country? No, we have learned to live with it, just like we are learning to live with Covid, in most populations far less lethal!!!
** Claimed in a tweet that was later labeled as misleading and in a Facebook posting that was later deleted by Facebook, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-06 |title=Facebook, Twitter block Trump post that falsely claims coronavirus is less deadly than flu | author=Jessica Bursztynsky | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/06/facebook-removes-trump-post-falsely-comparing-coronavirus-and-the-flu.html}}

* REPEAL SECTION 230!!! 
** Tweeted about [[w:Section 230|Section 230]] of the United States Communications Decency Act, which allows online platforms to moderate and remove harmful content without being penalized. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-06 |title=Facebook, Twitter block Trump post that falsely claims coronavirus is less deadly than flu | author=Jessica Bursztynsky | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/06/facebook-removes-trump-post-falsely-comparing-coronavirus-and-the-flu.html}}

*I have instructed my representatives to stop negotiating until after the election when, immediately after I win, we will pass a major Stimulus Bill that focuses on hardworking Americans and Small Business.
** According to [https://www.axios.com/trump-coronavirus-stimulus-negotiations-7d464d0e-924f-46f5-90d2-9e8097c9c8f7.html Trump says he will not negotiate on COVID relief until after election]

* We should have the small remaining number of our BRAVE Men and Women serving in Afghanistan home by Christmas!
** Via [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313984510749544450 tweet] October 7, 2020

* I think this was a blessing from God that I caught it. It was a blessing in disguise.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump returns to Oval Office and says coronavirus diagnosis was 'blessing from God' | author=Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/07/politics/trump-oval-office-coronavirus/index.html}}

* I don’t think I’m contagious at all.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=President Trump says he’s not ‘contagious at all’ days after leaving hospital with coronavirus | author=Will Feuer | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/08/president-trump-says-hes-not-contagious-at-all-days-after-leaving-hospital-with-coronavirus-.html}}

* I'm not going to do a virtual debate.  I’m not going to waste my time at a virtual debate.
** Trump commented on the initiative of having the presidential candidates participating from remote locations for the second presidential debate, in view of his Covid-19 infection, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump says he will 'not waste my time' with a 'virtual debate' after CPD announces changes | author=Brooke Singman | periodical=Fox News | url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/second-trump-biden-debate-will-be-virtual-organizers-say}}

* Monster
* Communist
* Horrible
* Totally unlikeable 
** Trump was referring to Vice President candidate Kamala Harris, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump insults Harris as 'a monster' morning after vice presidential debate | author=Elizabeth Thomas | periodical=ABC News | url=https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-insults-harris-monster-morning-vice-presidential-debate/story?id=73498918}}

* We want to do a rally in Florida, probably in Florida on Saturday night, might come back and do one in Pennsylvania on the following night.  I feel so good!
* Well, what we’re doing is probably, the test will be tomorrow, and the actual test, because there’s no reason to test all the time, but they found very little infection or virus, if any.  I don’t know if they found any, I didn’t go into it greatly with the doctors.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Coughing Through Hannity Interview, Trump Says He Wants to Do Saturday Rally | author=Justin Baragona | periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-coughing-through-hannity-interview-says-he-wants-to-do-saturday-rally}}

* Nobody ever even heard of tariffs. They never even heard of tariffs. Nobody. In fact, when I first started doing it, they didn't even know what it meant.
** Claimed about tariffs on imports from China, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-11 |title=Fact check: Trump makes at least 14 false claims in first post-hospital interview on Fox Business
 | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/08/politics/fact-check-trump-interview-bartiromo-fox-business/index.html}}

* I'll walk into that audience. I'll walk in there, I'll kiss everyone in that audience.  I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-12 |title=Trump mocks virus as he launches potential superspreader sprint to win reelection | author=Stephen Collinson | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/13/politics/donald-trump-election-2020-campaign/index.html}}

* They say he was born in Scranton, but he left, he left. He abandoned you.
** Trump referred back to when Joe Biden was 10 years old and the family moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware because his father started in a new job, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Fact check: Trump continues dishonesty bombardment at Pennsylvania rally
 | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/14/politics/fact-check-trump-rally-johnstown-pennsylvania/index.html}}

* My plan: we’re gonna crush the virus very quickly. It’s happening already. It’s happening.
* And Mexico is paying for the wall, by the way. You know that. I’ve been saying it. They hate to hear that. But they’re paying.
* We passed VA Choice.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Trump’s lies are getting sillier, stupider, and staler. Last night’s superspreader rally was a doozy | author=Aldous Pennyfarthing | periodical=Daily sound and fury | url=https://dailysoundandfury.com/trumps-lies-are-getting-sillier-stupider-and-staler-last-nights-superspreader-rally-was-a-doozy/}}

* I’m OK with masks. I tell people, wear a mask. But just the other day they came out with a statement that 85% of the people that wear masks catch it.
** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=FactChecking Trump’s Town Hall
 | author=Brooks Jackson, Lori Robertson, Robert Farley, Angelo Fichera, Jessica McDonald, Rem Rieder, Katie Busch, Eugene Kiely | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/factchecking-trumps-town-hall/}}

* That was an opinion of somebody and that was a retweet.  I’ll put it out there. People can decide for themselves.
** Trump explained why he retweeted a claim that Osama bin Laden’s killing was staged and that members of Navy SEAL Team 6 had been killed to cover it up.  Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=Column: Trump and Biden town halls showed us two worlds, and only one of them is terrifying | author=Rex Huppke | periodical=Chicago Tribune| url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-trump-biden-town-hall-qanon-rogers-calm-election-polls-huppke-20201016-3oke7rhwhbdrfcshgbnpqmimbe-story.html}}

* When I see thousands of ballots dumped in a garbage can and they happen to have my name on it? I’m not happy about it.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump sees what others do not in the pandemic
 | author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen | periodical=AP News| url=https://apnews.com/article/election-2020-virus-outbreak-ap-fact-check-donald-trump-technology-a6ddb8360fa9b1ff95acbbc1e03f437e}}

* Would you like a nice low-income housing project next to your suburban beautiful ranch style house? Generally speaking, no. I saved your suburbs -- &lt;b&gt;women -- suburban women, you're supposed to love Trump.&lt;/b&gt;
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump continues bizarre appeals to suburban women as he campaigns in Covid hotspots | author=Maeve Reston| periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/18/politics/donald-trump-women-gretchen-whitmer/index.html}}

* Fauci is a disaster.  People are tired of coronavirus. People are tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump says Americans 'tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots' discuss Covid | author=Joan E Greve| periodical= The Guardian| url=https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/19/trump-fauci-idiot-experts-criticism-coronavirus}}

* Did you see they found 50,000 ballots in like a river?
* Even without the vaccine, the pandemic's going to end. It's gonna run its course. It's gonna end. They'll go crazy. He said 'without the vaccine' -- watch, it'll be a headline tomorrow. These people are crazy. No, it's running its course. We're rounding the turn. You see the numbers, and we're rounding the turn.
* The United States shows more CASES than other countries, which the Lamestream Fake News Media pounces on daily, because it TESTS at such a high (and costly) level.
* Since the China virus, we have created --- a record in the history of our country -- 11.4 million jobs over just a short period of months.
* We're now setting records for employment, unemployment. We're setting all sorts of records economically
* I signed a bill that gives you 10 years in jail if you rip down any federal statue.
* Mexico is paying for the wall.
* We gave the greatest -- the biggest tax cut in history.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-20 |title=Fact-checking Trump's dishonest weekend: The President made at least 66 false or misleading claims in three days
 | author=Daniel Dale| periodical= CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/19/politics/fact-check-trump-dishonest-weekend-florida-michigan-georgia-wisconsin/index.html}}

* &lt;i&gt; (About “phony fake ballots&quot;:) &lt;/i&gt; How about the ones that were printed without my name on it, right? They had everything on it. They had every race, they had everything. You had the Senate, you had everything, they forgot to put me down.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-20 |title=Trump Misleads on Ballots Again | author=Lori Robertson| periodical= FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/trump-misleads-on-ballots-again/}}

* We're not entering a dark winter, we are entering the final turn and the light at the end of the tunnel
** Said on October 23, 2020 According to ''Fox News Sunday with [[Chris Wallace]]'' [https://www.foxnews.com/shows/fox-news-sunday]

* We're not supposed to have a socialist — look we're not going to be a socialist nation. &lt;b&gt; We're not going to have a socialist president, especially a female socialist president,&lt;/b&gt; we're not gonna have it, we're not gonna put up with it.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-24 |title=Trump targets Kamala Harris in sexist rant against the Democratic vice-presidential nominee | author=Sarah Al-Arshani| periodical= Business Insider| url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-targets-kamala-harris-in-sexist-rant-2020-10?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

* We won’t have a president that threatens people with jail for just criticizing him
** On the campaign trail for [[Joe Biden]] in [[https://www.wlrn.org/2020-10-25/obama-hits-campaign-trail-in-south-florida-criticizing-trumps-behavior-as-worse-than-florida-man Obama Hits Campaign Trail In South Florida, Criticizing Trump's Behavior As Worse Than Florida Man] October 25, 2020

* Lock'em all up.
** Said about an undefined group of people, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=Fact check: Trump makes at least 16 false or misleading claims to '60 Minutes' | author=Daniel Dale| periodical= CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/25/politics/fact-check-trump-60-minutes-lesley-stahl/index.html}}

* If I didn’t have social media, I’d have no way of getting out my voice.
** {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=CBS releases footage of Trump walking out of 60 Minutes interview
 | author=Martin Melam| periodical= The Guardian| url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/oct/26/cbs-releases-footage-trump-walking-out-60-minutes-interview}}

* Big problems and discrepancies with Mail In Ballots all over the USA.  Must have final total on November 3rd
** Tweet, labelled as &quot;Misleading&quot;, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=Twitter slapped yet another Trump tweet about mail-in voting with a 'misleading' label and stopped other users from retweeting it | author=Isobel Asher Hamilton| periodical=Business Insider| url=https://www.businessinsider.com/twitter-trump-tweet-mail-voting-warning-label-minsinformation-block-retweet-2020-10?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

* We’re rounding the turn,our numbers are incredible.
** at a rally on October 26, 2020 according to [https://www.vox.com/21541967/covid-19-record-cases-us-coronavirus-winter-spike-surge 89,000 new Covid-19 cases per day. And the worst may be yet to come.]

* COVID COVID COVID.. we are rounding the turn all they want to talk about is COVID by the way on Nov 4 you won't be hearing much more about it..Cases are up because we TEST TEST TEST
** During election campaign in [[w:Allentown, Pennsylvania|Allentown]] ''Trump calls U.S. coronavirus case spike a media ‘conspiracy’'' [https://globalnews.ca/news/7422033/coronavirus-trump-testing-conspiracy-tweet/ video]

* The only thing you can do in Pennsylvania is a protest.  You can't go to church. You can't pray to your God. You can't be with your pastors, your priests, your rabbis. You can't be -- none of that. You can't do anything
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-27 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims Pennsylvanians 'can't go to church' | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/27/politics/trump-false-claim-pennsylvania-cant-go-to-church-fact-check/index.html}}

* He’ll bury you in regulations, dismantle your police departments, dissolve our borders, confiscate your guns, terminate religious liberty, destroy your suburbs.
* If you vote for Biden, it means no kids in school, no graduations, no weddings, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas and no Fourth of July together
** Claimed about Democrat President Candidate Joe Biden, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-29 |title=With typical hyperbole, Trump paints apocalyptic portrait of life under Biden | author=Darlene Superville | periodical=The Times of Israel | url=https://www.timesofisrael.com/with-typical-hyperbole-trump-paints-apocalyptic-portrait-of-life-under-biden/}}

*You know in Germany, if you have a bad heart and you’re ready to die, or if you have cancer and you’re going to be dying soon and you catch Covid, that happens: we mark it down to Covid.&lt;br&gt;You know, our doctors get more money if somebody dies from Covid. You know that, right?&lt;br&gt;I mean our doctors are very smart people. So what they do is, they say, &quot;I’m sorry, but you know everybody dies of Covid.&quot;&lt;br&gt;But in Germany and other places, if you have a heart attack, or if you have cancer, you’re terminally ill, you catch Covid, they say you died of cancer, you died of a heart attack.&lt;br&gt;With us? When in doubt, choose Covid.&lt;br&gt;Now, it’s true. Now, they’ll say ‘oh, it’s terrible what he said’, but that’s true. It’s like $2,000 more.
**[https://twitter.com/acyn/status/1322244374479040512 30 October 2020]
***Trump's estimate is too high, as [https://twitter.com/ashishkjha/status/1320492597320863751 Ashish Ja states], the bump for documenting Covid ranges from $1600-$2200 which is an average of only $1900 more.

====November 2020====
* We were getting ready to win this election. Frankly, we did win this election. This is a major fraud on our nation. We want the law to be used in a proper manner. So we’ll be going to the U.S. Supreme Court. We want all voting to stop.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-03 |title=U.S. presidency still undecided; Biden opens leads in key Midwestern states | author= Trevor Hunnicutt, Jeff Mason | periodical=Reuters | url=https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-election/us-presidency-still-undecided-biden-opens-leads-in-key-midwestern-states-idUSKBN27J0FZ}}

*I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT!
**[https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1325099845045071873 7 November 2020]

*REPORT: DOMINION DELETED 2.7 MILLION TRUMP VOTES NATIONWIDE. DATA ANALYSIS FINDS 221,000 PENNSYLVANIA VOTES SWITCHED FROM PRESIDENT TRUMP TO BIDEN. 941,000 TRUMP VOTES DELETED. STATES USING DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS SWITCHED 435,000 VOTES FROM TRUMP TO BIDEN.
** Disputed tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-13 |title=AP fact check: Trump tweets a tall tale of 'deleted' votes | author= Ali Swenson, Amanda Seitz | periodical=AP News | url=https://apnews.com/article/election-2020-ap-fact-check-joe-biden-donald-trump-technology-13c104367924b8192b4fcecf334f7806}}

*FoxNews and the Fake News Networks aren’t showing these massive gatherings. Instead they have their reporters standing in almost empty streets. We now have SUPPRESSION BY THE PRESS
**[https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1327724046595842049 14 November 2020]

* The vaccine will be available to the entire general population with the exception of places like New York state where for political reasons the governor decided to say — and I don’t think it’s good politically, I think it’s very bad from a health standpoint — but he wants to take his time with a vaccine.  We can’t be delivering it to a state that won’t be giving it to its people immediately.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-30 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump distorts on vaccine, state distribution | author= Hope Yen, Laura Neergard, Candice Choi | periodical=AP | url=https://apnews.com/article/ap-fact-check-joe-biden-donald-trump-politics-coronavirus-pandemic-76d1580f82b1586b207990396c1e3b5f}}

* Big victory moments ago in the State of Nevada. The all Democrat County Commissioner race, on same ballot as President, just thrown out because of large scale voter discrepancy. Clark County officials do not have confidence in their own election security. Major impact!
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1328483862490574849 Tweet] dated November 16, 2020

* I won the Election!
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1328334945148952576 Tweet] November 16, 2020, with the warning by twitter: &quot;Multiple sources called this election differently&quot;

* The recent statement by / [[w:Chris Krebs|Chris Krebs]] on the security of the [[2020 Election]] was highly inaccurate... Therefore, effective immediately, Chris Krebs has been terminated as Director of the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency.
** Trump fires his Director of the Cybersecurity via twitter according to [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2020/11/17/trump-ousts-homeland-security-chris-krebs-called-election-secure/6276676002/ Trump ousts Homeland Security cyber chief Chris Krebs, who called election secure] published November 18, 2020

* You wouldn’t have vaccine if it weren’t for me, for another four years.
** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-20 |title=Trump Suggests Vaccine Companies Orchestrated Revenge-Filled Conspiracy to Make Him Lose | author= Rachel Olding | periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-suggests-vaccine-companies-orchestrated-revenge-filled-conspiracy-to-make-him-lose}}

* Don't talk to me that way, you are lightweight. I'm the president of the United States. Don't ever talk to the president that way.
**Responding to a reporter's questions at a Thanksgiving press conference in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election-2020/trump-news-live-twitter-biden-election-b1762621.html Trump news – live: President promises to leave White House before erupting at #DiaperDon Twitter trend (video)] published November 27, 2020 
*[[Big Tech]] and the [[Fake News]] Media have partnered to Suppress. Freedom of the Press is gone, a thing of the past. That’s why they refuse to report the real facts and figures of the 2020 Election...
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1332349861774155778?s=20 Tweet] posted November 27, 2020 which [[Twitter]] tagged with &quot;This claim  about election fraud is disputed&quot;

* Biden can only enter the White House as President if he can prove that his ridiculous '80,000,000 votes' were not fraudulently or illegally obtained. When you see what happened in Detroit, Atlanta, Philadelphia &amp; Milwaukee, massive voter fraud, he's got a big unsolvable problem.
** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-28 |title=Trump implies he won't leave the White House unless Biden 'can prove' he won 80 million votes, as the president continues to tweet lies and conspiracy theories about the election
 | author= Grace Panetta | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-he-wont-leave-white-house-biden-disproves-fraud-2020-11?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

* Specific allegations were made, and we have massive proof, in the Pennsylvania case. Some people just don’t want to see it. They want nothing to do with saving our Country. Sad!!!
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1332778938121203720 Tweet] posted November 28, 2020

* @FoxNews daytime is virtually unwatchable, especially during the weekends.
** Tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-29 |title=Trump tells viewers to watch 'anything else' but Fox News ahead of his 1st interview since Election Day | author= Yelena Dzhanova | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-calls-fox-news-unwatchable-criticism-newsmax-2020-11?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

* We don't have freedom of the press in this country, we have suppression of the press
** In a phone interview with [[Maria Bartiromo]] on [[Fox News]] November 29, 2020

* I came up with vaccines that people didn't think we'd have for five years
* We had glitches where they moved thousands of votes from my account to Biden's account
* &lt;i&gt; (About the handling of the coronavirus in the US:) &lt;/i&gt; We're doing better than the rest of the world
** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-29 |title=Fox News' Maria Bartiromo gave Trump his first TV interview since the election. It was filled with lies | author= Alexis Benveniste | periodical= CNN Business | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/29/media/bartiromo-trump-interview/index.html}}

* Who needs Democrats when you have Republicans like Brian Kemp and Doug Ducey?
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-30 |title=Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey defends election process after Trump attack | author= Caroline Kelly, Alison Main | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/30/politics/doug-ducey-defends-election-arizona-trump/index.html}}

====December 2020====
* Actually, I won Wisconsin.
** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-05 |title=Fact check: Among baseless claims of rigged election, Trump says he won Wisconsin | author= D.L. Davis, Politifact | periodical=Houston Cronicle | url=https://www.houstonchronicle.com/local/texas-politics/politifact/article/Fact-check-Among-baseless-claims-of-rigged-15794749.php}}

* You know we won Georgia, just so you understand.
** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-05 |title=Fact Check: Trump Makes Bogus Swing State Claim During Campaign Stop In Georgia | author= Eugene Kiely | periodical=GA Today | url=https://www.gpb.org/news/2020/12/09/fact-check-trump-makes-bogus-swing-state-claim-during-campaign-stop-in-georgia}}

* If I lost, I’d be a very gracious loser.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-06 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump floods rally with audacious falsehoods | author= Calvin Woodward | periodical=AP News | url=https://apnews.com/article/fact-check-donald-trump-rally-falsehoods-424834660f894040b55b415aecb2a443}}

* RINOS @BrianKempGA, @GeoffDuncanGA, &amp; Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, will be solely responsible for the potential loss of our two GREAT Senators from Georgia, @sendavidperdue &amp; @KLoeffler. Won’t call a Special Session or check for Signature Verification! People are ANGRY!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-07 |title=Trump Says 'RINOS' Kemp, Raffensperger 'Solely Responsible' If Loeffler, Perdue Lose Election | author= Jeffery Martin | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/trump-says-rinos-kemp-raffensperger-solely-responsible-if-loeffler-perdue-lose-election-1553024}}

* The Supreme Court really let us down.  No Wisdom, No Courage!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title='No Wisdom, No Courage!': Trump lashes out at the Supreme Court after it rejected a Texas bid to overturn the election results| author= Kelsey Vlamis | periodical=MSN News | url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/no-wisdom-no-courage-trump-lashes-out-at-the-supreme-court-after-it-rejected-a-texas-bid-to-overturn-the-election-results/ar-BB1bRIqA}}

* WE HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT!!!
** Tweeted about contesting the 2020 Presidential election result, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title=Trump engages in self-sabotage ahead of historic vaccine rollout | author= Maeve Reston | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/13/politics/donald-trump-william-barr-pfizer-vaccine/index.html}}

* It's not over. We keep going and we're going to continue to go forward.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-12 |title=Trump tells 'Fox &amp; Friends' election challenges 'not over' ahead of Electoral College vote | author= Ronn Blitzner | periodical=Fox News | url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-fox-and-friends-election-challenges-not-over-electoral-college-vote}}

* Wow! Thousands of people forming in Washington (D.C.) for [[w:Stop the Steal|Stop the Steal]]. Didn't know about this, but I'll be seeing them! #MAGA
** [https://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Conservative_groups_hold_rally_in_Washington_D.C._claiming_U.S._elections_were_stolen_from_President_Trump Conservative groups hold rally in Washington D.C. claiming U.S. elections were stolen from President Trump]December 15, 2020 

* I saved at least 8 Republican Senators, including Mitch, from losing in the last Rigged (for President) Election. Now they (almost all) sit back and watch me fight against a crooked and vicious foe, the Radical Left Democrats. I will NEVER FORGET!
** Disputed [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1342245390540804096 Tweet], 25 December 2020. 

{{Anchor|Supreme Court  totally incompetent}} 
* The U.S. Supreme Court has been totally incompetent and weak on the massive Election Fraud that took place in the 2020 Presidential Election.  We have absolute PROOF, but they don't want to see it - No 'standing', they say. If we have corrupt elections, we have no country!
** Disputed tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-26 |title=With less than a month left in office, Trump lashes out at 'totally incompetent' Supreme Court for refusing to overturn his election loss | author= Connor Perrett | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-supreme-court-totally-incompetent-for-refusing-to-overturn-election-2020-12?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

* Weak and tired Republican “leadership” will allow the bad Defense Bill to pass.
** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1342245390540804096 Tweet], 29 December 2020. 

* Republican leadership only wants the path of least resistance. Our leaders (not me, of course!) are pathetic.
** Tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-29 | title=Trump lashes out at Republicans after they override his veto | author= Zachary B. Wolfe | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/29/politics/donald-trump-house-votes/index.html}}

===2021===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2021 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - End of presidency 
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====January 2021====
*So, look, all I wanna do, is I wanna find 11,780 votes.
**Spoken to Georgia election officials on January 2, pressuring Secretary of State {{w|Brian Kemp}} to recalculate the [[w:2020 United States presidential election|2020 United States presidential election]] vote in his favor. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/audio-trump-berates-ga-secretary-of-state-urges-him-to-find-votes/2021/01/03/aba64f5f-8c3c-490f-af34-618ccea732d7_video.html |title=Audio: Trump berates Ga. secretary of state, urges him to ‘find’ votes |publisher=''{{w|The Washington Post}}''}}

* So dead people voted. And I think the number is close to 5,000 people [in Georgia]
* [There] were thousands and thousands of ballots in a box that was not an official or a sealed box.
* They ran out because of a water-main break. And there was no water main, there was nothing. There was no break.
* You had out-of-state voters - they voted in Georgia but they were from out of state - of 4,925
* They're shredding ballots. And you should look at that very carefully. Because that's so illegal.
* We have not gone through your Dominion [voting machines], so we can't give them blessing. I mean, in other states, we think we found tremendous corruption with Dominion machines...
** {{citation |date=2020-01-03 | author = BBC News Reality Check Team |  url=https://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2020-55529230 |title=Georgia election: Donald Trump's phone call fact-checked |publisher=BBC News}}

*One thing we know is you, [[w:Jeffrey A. Rosen|Rosen]], aren't going to do anything to overturn the election
** &quot;[https://www.npr.org/2021/10/07/1044015379/senate-report-details-trumps-efforts-to-use-doj-to-overturn-election-results Senate report details Trump's efforts to use DOJ to overturn election results]&quot; (January 3, 2021)

*Rudy, you did a great job. He's got guts. You know what? He's got guts, unlike a lot of people in the Republican Party. He's got guts. He fights, he fights.&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;We fight like hell. And if you don't fight like hell, you're not going to have a country anymore.&lt;br&gt;..&lt;br&gt;We’re going walk down to the Capitol, and we’re going to cheer on our brave senators, and congressmen and women.&lt;br&gt;I know that everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building to '''peacefully and patriotically make your voices heard'''.&lt;br&gt;we’re going to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue, I love Pennsylvania Avenue, and we’re going to the Capitol and we’re going to try and give…&lt;br&gt;our Republicans, the weak ones, because the strong ones don’t need any of our help,&lt;br&gt;we’re going to try and give them the kind of pride and boldness that they need&lt;br&gt;So let’s walk down Pennsylvania Avenue.
**[https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speech-save-america-rally-transcript-january-6 Save America Rally Speech] on 6 January 2021

* Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution, giving States a chance to certify a corrected set of facts, not the fraudulent or inaccurate ones which they were asked to previously certify. USA demands the truth!
**[https://archive.is/jCmfK 11:24am tweet] on 6 January 2021

*I am asking for everyone at the [[U.S. Capitol]] to remain peaceful. No violence! Remember, WE are the Party of [[Law &amp; Order]] – respect the Law and our great men and women in Blue. Thank you!
**[https://archive.is/IvpaU 12:13pm tweet] on 6 January 2021

*We love you. You are very special.
**In video in tweet (later deleted) aimed at protestors who entered into the United States Capitol.  Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-01-06 | author = Eliza Relman, Oma Seddiq,  Jake Lahut |  url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-video-statement-capitol-rioters-we-love-you-very-special-2021-1?r=US&amp;IR=T |title=Trump tells his violent supporters who stormed the Capitol 'you're very special,' but asks them 'to go home' |publisher=Business Insider}}   

* To all of my wonderful supporters, I know you are disappointed, but I also want you to know  that our incredible journey is just beginning
** video (2;28) from [https://archive.is/o4JN6 4:28pm tweet] posted by [[Ivanka Trump]] on 7 January 2020

*I ’d like to begin by addressing the heinous attack on the United States Capitol. Like all Americans I am outraged by the violence, lawlessness and mayhem. I immediately deployed the [[w:United States National Guard|National Guard]] and federal [[Law enforcement in the United States|law enforcement]] to secure the building and expel the intruders. America is and must always be a nation of law and order. To demonstrators who infiltrated the Capitol: you have defiled the seat of American democracy. To those who engage in the acts of violence and destruction: you do not represent our country. And to those who broke the law: you will pay. We have just been through an intense election and emotions are high. But now, tempers must be cooled and calm restored. We must get on with the business of America.
** post-January 6 speech, (7 January 2021), as quoted in ''Vital Speeches of the Day'', 87(3), p. 53.

* To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20th.
**[https://archive.is/tzc2r 7:44am tweet] on 8 January 2021

* His ingenuity, genius, and creativity earned him immense wealth, but his character and philanthropic generosity his great name. Sheldon was also a staunch supporter of our great ally the State of [[Israel]]
** [[President Trump]] in [https://www.npr.org/2021/01/12/693679109/sheldon-adelson-conservative-donor-and-casino-titan-dies-at-87 Sheldon Adelson, Conservative Donor And Casino Titan, Dies At 87] January 12, 2021

* We will be back in some form
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-01-20 | author = Kevin Liptak |  url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/20/politics/donald-trump-leaves-white-house/index.html |title=Trump departs Washington a pariah as his era in power ends |publisher=CNN}}

====February 2021====
* The Republican Party can never again be respected or strong with political “leaders” like Sen. Mitch McConnell at its helm. McConnell’s dedication to business as usual, status quo policies, together with his lack of political insight, wisdom, skill, and personality, has rapidly driven him from Majority Leader to Minority Leader, and it will only get worse. The Democrats and Chuck Schumer play McConnell like a fiddle—they’ve never had it so good—and they want to keep it that way! We know our America First agenda is a winner, not McConnell’s Beltway First agenda or Biden’s America Last.
* It was a complete election disaster in Georgia, and certain other swing states. McConnell did nothing, and will never do what needs to be done in order to secure a fair and just electoral system into the future. He doesn’t have what it takes, never did, and never will.
* Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again. He will never do what needs to be done, or what is right for our Country.
** [https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000177-ad2a-d713-a777-edee3b100000 Statement by Donald J. Trump, February 16, 2021]

====March 2021====
* Do you miss me yet? Do you miss me?
* Mr. McLaughlin just gave me numbers that nobody's ever heard of before, more popular than anybody. That's all of us. It's all of us.
* We won the election twice. I mean, you know, think about it ...
* But who knows? Who knows? I may even decide to beat them for a third time, OK? For a third time.
* This election was rigged. And the Supreme Court and other courts didn't want to do anything about it.
* And the only people that should be allowed to vote by mail are people that can be proven to be either very sick or out of the country or military where they can't do it. One day.
* And then a Republican president will make a triumphant return to the White House. And I wonder who that will be. I wonder who that will be. Who, who, who will that be, I wonder?
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-01 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 50 most ridiculous lines from Donald Trump's CPAC speech | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/01/politics/donald-trump-cpac-speech/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* Karl Rove has been losing for years, except for himself.
* He's a RINO of the highest order, who came to the Oval Office lobbying for 5G for him and a group.
* He's a pompous fool with bad advice and always has an agenda.
* If the Republican Party is going to be successful, they're going to have to stop dealing with the likes of Karl Rove and just let him float away, or retire, like Liddle' Bob Corker, Jeff 'Flakey' Flake, and others like Toomey of Pennsylvania, who will soon follow.
* 31 million people listened to my CPAC speech online, and it had among the largest television audience of the week, even though it was on cable at 4pm on Sunday afternoon.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-05 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 17 most outlandish lines from Donald Trump's attack on Karl Rove
 | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/05/politics/donald-trump-karl-rove-2020-election/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I will not be endorsing, under any circumstances, the failed candidate from the great State of Alaska, [[w:Lisa Murkowski|Lisa Murkowski]]. She represents her state badly and her country even worse. I do not know where other people will be next year, but I know where I will be — in Alaska campaigning against a disloyal and very bad Senator.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-06 | author = Alex Isenstadt |  title = Trump vows to campaign against 'disloyal' Murkowski
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/06/trump-lisa-murkowski-2022-474028 |publisher=Politico}}

* No more money for RINOS.  They do nothing but hurt the Republican Party and our great voting base--they will never lead us to Greatness. Send your donation to Save America PAC at DonaldJTrump.com. 
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-10 | author = Michael Warren, Fredreka Schouten, Eric Bradner |  title = Trump's clash with GOP over using his name in fundraising ignites midterm worries | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/10/politics/trump-republican-fundraising-midterms/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I would recommend it, and I would recommend it to a lot of people that don't want to get it and a lot of those people voted for me, frankly. But again, we have our freedoms and we have to live by that and I agree with that also. But it is a great vaccine. It is a safe vaccine and it is something that works.
** On the COVID-19 vaccine. Quoted by {{citation|date=2021-3-16|author=Meredith McGraw|title=Trump encourages Americans to get the Covid vaccine|publisher=Politico|url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/16/trump-americans-covid-vaccine-476479}}

* &lt;i&gt; About the {{w|2021 storming of the United States Capitol}}:&lt;/i&gt; It was zero threat, right from the start, it was zero threat. Look, they went in, they shouldn't have done it. Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships.  A lot of the people were waved in, and then they walked in and they walked out.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-26 | author = Veronica Stracqualursi |  title = Trump lies about Capitol riot by claiming his supporters were 'hugging and kissing' cops | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-arrests/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right? You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim — he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me.  We have to, and the tough is…in the most humanitarian way, because that’s what it is. What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shocks, and they call ’em shocks, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster. It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint, and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything.
** Wedding toast, quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Bess Levin |  title = Of course Donald Trump crashed a wedding a gave a rambling, incoherent speech about Biden, Iran and China | url=https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/03/donald-trump-mar-a-lago-wedding-speech |publisher=Vanity Fair}}

* Based on their interviews, I felt it was time to speak up about Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx, two self-promoters trying to reinvent history to cover for their bad instincts and faulty recommendations, which I fortunately almost always overturned.  They had bad policy decisions that would have left our country open to China and others, closed to reopening our economy, and years away from an approved vaccine — putting millions of lives at risk
* Dr. Birx was a terrible medical advisor, which is why I seldom followed her advice.
* I only kept Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx on because they worked for the U.S. government for so long — they are like a bad habit!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Benjamin Din |  title = Trump lashes out at Fauci and Birx after CNN documentary
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/29/trump-fauci-birx-cnn-documentary-478422 |publisher=Politico}}
* Dr. Birx is a proven liar with very little credibility left.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Brett Samuels |  title = Trump targets Fauci, Birx in lengthy diatribe
 | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/545472-trump-targets-fauci-birx-in-lengthy-diatribe |publisher=The Hill}}

====April 2021====
* Happy Easter to ALL, including the Radical Left CRAZIES who rigged our Presidential Election, and want to destroy our Country!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-04-05 | author = Martin Pengelly |  title = Who needs Twitter? Trump wishes happy Easter to 'radical left crazies'
 | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/04/trump-wishes-happy-easter-to-radical-left-crazies |publisher=The Guardian}}

* I'll give you a little breaking news, [[Pfizer]] is in with the FDA. What the FDA did with [[Johnson and Johnson]] is so stupid
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20210627112356/https://www.pharmamanufacturing.com/industrynews/2021/trump-blasts-fda-for-j-and-j-vax-pause-says-pfizer-in-with-the-agency/ TV interview with Sean Hannity]

* Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1st, and we should keep as close to that schedule as possible.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-biden-afghanistan-pullout-wonderful-and-positive-thing-to-do-2021-4?r=US&amp;IR=T &quot;Trump says Biden's plan to withdraw US troops from Afghanistan is a 'wonderful and positive thing to do'&quot;], Business Insider, 19 April 2021

====May 2021====
*If a thief robs a jewelry store of all of its diamonds (the 2020 Presidential Election), the diamonds must be returned. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-05.10.21-4 10 May 2021]

*The entire Database of Maricopa County in Arizona has been DELETED! This is illegal and the Arizona State Senate, who is leading the Forensic Audit, is up in arms. Additionally, seals were broken on the boxes that hold the votes, ballots are missing, and worse. Mark Brnovich, the Attorney General of Arizona, will now be forced to look into this unbelievable Election crime. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/desk/desk-4yeh37peju/ 15 May 2021]

====June 2021====
*Congratulations to the country of Nigeria, who just banned Twitter because they banned their President. More COUNTRIES should ban Twitter and Facebook for not allowing free and open speech — all voices should be heard. Zuckerberg kept calling me and coming to the White House for dinner telling me how great I was. 
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-more-countries-should-ban-twitter-facebook-zuckerberg-2021-6]

*They may allow me back in two years. We got to stop that. We can’t let it happen. So unfair. They are shutting down an entire group of people. Not just me. They are shutting down the voice of a much more powerful and a much larger group.
** about Facebook banning him, in rally speech [https://deadline.com/2021/06/donald-trump-facebook-mark-zuckerberg-1234770087/]

====July 2021====
*The American people’s birthright of freedom must prevail against Big Tech and other forces that seek to destroy it.
**7 July 2021 [https://www.politico.com/news/2021/07/07/trump-big-tech-lawsuit-498536 Politico, Trump plans class action suit against Twitter, Facebook]
*The de facto censorship arm of the US government.
**7 July 2021 [https://www.rt.com/usa/528607-donald-trump-facebook-twitter/ Russia Today]
*Many say I am the greatest star-maker of all time. But some of the stars I produced are actually made of garbage. 
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20210715183933/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-07.15.21-06 15 July 2021 on DonaldJTrump.com]

====August 2021====
*There is massive and unconditional evidence that the election was shattered with fraud and irregularities at a level that our Country has never seen before. Much of it is already public, and a great deal more is coming out in the very near future. Every time you read a statement that there is “no evidence of election fraud,” about the 2020 election scam, just attribute that statement to a crooked and collusive media (they work closely together with the Radical Left Democrats) that will do anything to hide the real facts of this election fiasco.  
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-qvb8wmvsyn0 1 August 2021]

*If I were President right now, with COVID raging back, people being shot and killed in record numbers all over our cities, and the Border totally open with criminals and heavily infected COVID people pouring through our Southern Border and into our communities, the Fake News Media would be having an absolute field day. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-kyatp4nd8q0 2 August 2021]

* If our soccer team, headed by a radical group of Leftist Maniacs, wasn’t woke, they would have won the Gold Medal instead of the Bronze.
* Woke means you lose, everything that is woke goes bad, and our soccer team certainly has.
* They should replace the wokesters with Patriots and start winning again. The woman with the purple hair played terribly and spends too much time thinking about Radical Left politics and not doing her job!
** Said about the US women's national soccer team after winning a bronze medal in the Olympic Games in Tokyo, as quoted in [https://amp.theguardian.com/football/2021/aug/05/donald-trump-uswnt-usa-soccer-olympics-bronze-megan-rapinoe-tokyo-2020 &quot;‘Woke means you lose’: Donald Trump rails at USWNT after Olympic bronze&quot;], The Guardian, 5 August 2021

* I have quietly said for years that Mitch McConnell is the most overrated man in politics— now I don't have to be quiet anymore.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-mitch-mcconnell-most-overrated-man-politics-ahead-infrastructure-vote-1617944 &quot;Trump Calls Mitch McConnell 'Most Overrated Man in Politics' Ahead of Infrastructure Vote&quot;], Newsweek, 10 August 2021

* I recommend: take the vaccines. I did it. It’s good. Take the vaccines.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/22/trump-booed-at-alabama-rally-after-telling-supporters-to-get-vaccinated.html &quot;Trump booed at Alabama rally after telling supporters to get vaccinated&quot;], CNBC, 22 August 2021

====September 2021====
* If they let you do your job you wouldn’t have crime in New York!
* I’ve been given so much support by the people who do what you do.
* We love the blue. I’ll say it loud. You know, you’re not supposed to say that. We love the blue.
**[https://nypost.com/2021/09/11/trump-makes-surprise-visit-to-new-york-police-and-firefighters/ Trump makes surprise visit to New York police and firefighters on 9/11]

* We’re not going to have a country left in three years, I’ll tell you that.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-predicts-america-end-002940784.html &quot;Donald Trump Predicts America Will End Within 3 Years&quot;], quoted by David Moye, Yahoo News, 15 September 2021

* [[w:Anthony Gonzalez (politician)|1]] down, 9 to go!
** &quot;[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2021/sep/17/trump-celebrates-gonzalezs-exit-1-down-9-go/ Trump celebrates Gonzalez’s exit: ‘1 down, 9 to go!’]&quot; (September 17, 2021)

* Everybody will be watching Arizona tomorrow to see what the highly respected auditors and Arizona State Senate found out regarding the so-called Election!
** &quot;[https://www.politico.com/news/2021/09/24/arizona-review-draft-report-tally-biden-won-514088 GOP-led Arizona election review closely matches Biden's winning margin]&quot; (September 23)

* They want to go after me because I have, they think, a big mouth. I don't have a big mouth, you know what I have, I have a mouth that tells the truth.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-has-mouth-tells-truth-while-lying-georgia-rally-2021-9?r=US&amp;IR=T &quot;Trump says he has 'a mouth that tells the truth' while making false statements at Georgia rally&quot;], Insider, 26 September 2021

====October 2021====
* Nobody has done more for [[Christianity]] or for [[evangelicals]] — or for [[religion]] itself — than I have.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-claims-nobody-has-done-more-religion-itself-him-1635036 &quot;Donald Trump Claims Nobody Has Done More 'for Religion Itself' Than Him&quot;], Newsweek, 2 October 2021

* the real insurrection happened on November 3rd, the Presidential Election, not on [[January 6th]]—which was a day of protesting the Fake Election results
** [https://www.npr.org/2021/10/06/1043746455/trump-continues-to-lie-says-real-insurrection-happened-when-he-lost-election Trump continues to lie, says 'real insurrection' happened when he lost election]&quot; (October 6, 2021)
* [[Republican]] [[Senators]], do not [[vote]] for this terrible deal ([[debt]] limit) being pushed by folding [[Mitch McConnell]]. Stand strong for our Country. 
* The [[American]] people are with you!
** In an emailed statement &quot;[https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/575876-trump-urged-gop-senators-to-vote-against-mcconnell-debt-deal Trump urges GOP senators to vote against McConnell debt deal]&quot; (October 7,2021)

*  If we don't solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented), Republicans will not be voting in '22 or '24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do.
** According to an MSNBC article and a short video &quot;[https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/democrats-finally-have-reason-celebrate-one-trump-s-threats-n1281494 Democrats finally have reason to celebrate one of Trump's threats]&quot; (October 13, 2021)

* It’s so sad when you see that they are approving these windmills — worst form of energy, the most expensive.  You talk about carbon emissions, well they are making them. More goes into the air than if you ran something for 30 years.
* I’m not into golden showers.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-putin-relationship-rails-233840649.html &quot;Trump Touts Putin Relationship, Rails About Wind Energy's 'Carbon Emissions' In Speech&quot;], Yahoo News (October 16 2021)

* After years of litigation, I was pleased to have had the opportunity to tell my side of this ridiculous story — Just one more example of baseless harassment of your favorite president
** &quot;[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-faces-pile-civil-lawsuits-depositions-begin-n1281612 Trump faces a pile of civil lawsuits as depositions begin]&quot; (October 18, 2021)

* Wonderful to see [[Colin Powell]], who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously, so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the Fake News Media. Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic RINO, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes, but anyway, may he rest in peace!
** {{cite news|author=Chris Cillizza |url=https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/19/politics/donald-trump-colin-powell-death/index.html |title=Donald Trump (yet again) proves there's no bottom |work=cnn.com|date=October 19, 2021 |accessdate=October 19, 2021}}

*We live in a world where the Taliban has a huge presence on Twitter, yet your favorite American president has been silenced
**&quot;[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/20/trump-announces-social-media-platform-launch-plan-spac-deal.html Trump announces social media platform launch plan, SPAC deal]&quot; (October 20, 2021)

*[[Israel]] doesn’t even control [[Congress]] anymore.
**29 October 2021 per https://thepostmillennial.com/exclusive-president-donald-j-trump-speaks-to-the-post-millennial

====November 2021====
*RINOs who supported infrastructure bill should be ashamed of themselves
**on Sky News Australia [[Youtube]] channel '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZG-D0e8T0A video]''' (November 7, 2021)

====December 2021====
*He was very early. Like earlier than most. I haven’t spoken to him since. Fuck him,
**10 December 2021 interview with Barak Ravid about [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] per [https://www.timesofisrael.com/fck-him-in-interview-trump-rages-at-netanyahu-over-congratulations-to-biden/ Times of Israel]

*Bibi did not want to make a deal. Even most recently, when we came up with the maps. Now I don’t know if he didn’t want to make it for political reasons, or for other reasons. I wish he would have said he didn’t want to make a deal, instead of…. Because a lot of people devoted a lot of work. But I don’t think Bibi would have ever made a deal. That’s my opinion. I think the general [Gantz] wanted to make a deal.
**11 December 2021 quoted by [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Times of Israel]

*There’s people in this country that are Jewish that no longer love Israel.&lt;br&gt;I’ll tell you the Evangelical Christians love Israel more than the Jews in this country.&lt;br&gt;It used to be that Israel had absolute power over Congress and today I think it’s the exact opposite, and I think Obama and Biden did that.&lt;br&gt;And yet in the election, they still get a lot of votes from Jewish people…which tells you that the Jewish people, and I’ve said this for a long time.&lt;br&gt;The Jewish people in the United States either don’t like Israel or don’t care about Israel.&lt;br&gt;I mean, you look at The New York Times, The New York Times hates Israel, hates them, and they’re Jewish people that run The New York Times, I mean the Sulzberger family.
**17 December 2021 per [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/12/donald-trump-anti-semitism-jews-israel Vanity Fair]

*I think the origins are so obvious. They came out of the Wuhan lab. And I think if anybody thinks anything differently, they’re just kidding themselves. So, you can ask — China has to pay. They have to do something. '''They have to pay reparations'''. And China doesn’t have the money to pay those reparations. I believe that worldwide — I’m not just talking United States — worldwide, '''$60 trillion of damage''', $60 trillion. China doesn’t have $60 trillion. But they have to do something to make up for what they’ve done. What they’ve done to the world is so horrible. It’s been horrible, all over the world. And it doesn’t stop.
**[https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2021/12/19/trump-china-must-pay-for-covid-origins-they-have-to-pay-reparations/ 19 December 2021]

* &lt;i&gt; About developing vaccines against Covid-19: &lt;/i&gt;  Look, we did something that was historic, we saved tens of millions of lives worldwide. We, together, all of us, not me.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/20/politics/donald-trump-booster-shot-boos/index.html &quot;Trump met with boos after revealing he received Covid-19 booster&quot;], CNN, 21 December 2021

* I came up with a vaccine, with three vaccines.
** [https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/public-global-health/587079-trump-pushes-back-on-candace-owens-people-arent-dying &quot;Trump pushes back on Candace Owens: 'People aren't dying when they take the vaccine'&quot;], The Hill, 23 December 2021

===2022===
====January 2022====
* If you take [[COVID-19 vaccine|the vaccine]], you're protected. Look, the results of the vaccine are very good, and if you do get it, it's a very minor form. People aren't dying when they take the vaccine.
** 6 January 2022, interviewed by [[Candace Owens]], discussing the [[COVID-19 vaccine]]; reported in Bruce Y. Lee, &quot;[https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2021/12/24/trump-tells-candace-owens-that-covid-19-vaccines-work-one-of-the-greatest-achievements-of-mankind/ Trump Tells Candace Owens That Covid-19 Vaccines Work: 'One Of The Greatest Achievements Of Mankind']&quot;, [[Forbes]] (Jan 6, 2022)

*I ran twice and we won twice.&lt;br&gt;This crowd is a massive symbol of what took place, because people are hungry for the truth. They want their country back.
**15 January 2022 [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/01/trump-arizona-rally-2024-election/621244/ via Elaine Godfrey of The Atlantic]

*If I run and if I win, we will treat those people from January sixth fairly. We will treat them fairly.&lt;br&gt;And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons. Because they are being treated so unfairly.
**30 January 2022 [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/01/hope-go-jail-get-book-thrown-deserve-lindsey-graham-susan-collins-buck-trump-vow-persecute-jan-6ers/ reported by TGP]

*Actually, what they are saying, is that Mike Pence did have the right to change the outcome, and they now want to take that right away. Unfortunately, he didn’t exercise that power. '''He could have overturned the election!'''
**31 January 2022, at a rally in Conroe Texas, as quoted in “[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jan/31/donald-trump-mike-pence-overturn-election Quiet part loud: Trump says Pence ‘could have overturned the election’]”, by Martin Pengelly, for ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

====February 2022====
*I was right and everyone knows it. If there is fraud or large scale irregularities, it would have been appropriate to send those votes back to the legislatures to figure it out.
**4 February 2022 per 7 February 2022 report by Reuters [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/pence-says-trump-was-wrong-that-he-could-have-overturned-2020-election-result-2022-02-04/ Pence says Trump was wrong that he could have overturned 2020 election] by Alexandra Ulmer

* I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, 'This is genius.' Putin declares a big portion of the Ukraine, of Ukraine, Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that's wonderful.  So Putin is now saying, 'It's independent,' a large section of Ukraine. I said, 'How smart is that?' And he's going to go in and be a peacekeeper. That's the strongest peace force.  We could use that on our southern border. That's the strongest peace force I've ever seen. ... Here's a guy who's very savvy. ... I know him very well. Very, very well.
** Said about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, in an interview at The Clay Travis &amp; Buck Sexton Show, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/23/politics/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-joe-biden/index.html &quot;Trump sides with Putin as Biden tries to stop a war&quot;], CNN, 23 February 2022.

* They say, 'Trump said Putin's smart.' I mean, he's taking over a country for two dollars' worth of sanctions. I'd say that's pretty smart. He's taking over a country — really a vast, vast location, a great piece of land with a lot of people, and just walking right in.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/donald-trump-praises-putin/index.html &quot;Why Donald Trump can't stop praising Vladimir Putin&quot;], CNN, 24 February 2022

====March 2022====
*They laid down the welcome mat and gave Russia the opening, now Putin may be getting everything he wanted, with Ukraine and the rest of the World suffering the consequences. It’s terrible, but this is what you get with Biden, the Democrats, and RINO warmongers! [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-cxhdzqwssb1663 03/01/22 ]
* The vote counter is often more important than the candidate.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-says-gop-needs-tougher-211714688.html &quot;Trump says the GOP needs to get 'tougher' at the ballot box: 'The vote counter is often more important than the candidate'&quot;], yahoo news, 6 March 2022
*Whatever happened to free speech in our Country? Incredibly, but not surprisingly, the Big Tech lunatics have taken down my interview with the very popular NELK Boys so that nobody can watch it or in any way listen to it....In Russia, the people are not allowed to know that they’re fighting a war with Ukraine, that’s where our media is going, and that’s where our Country is going because it quickly follows—just study history.We need freedom of speech again, we don’t have it and it’s getting worse every day!
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-tayryvrzzk1694 Statement by Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America 03/11/22]
*She owes me nearly $300,000, Now all I have to do is wait for all of the money she owes me.
**[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2022/mar/21/donald-trump-crows-liberal-9th-circuit-court-seals/ Trump crows as liberal 9th Circuit seals victory over Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti]
*I listen to him constantly using the n-word, that’s the n-word, and he’s constantly using it, the nuclear word.They didn’t attack any other countries under us. I’m the only one where that didn’t happen. And with Bush, they took Georgia, and they took Crimea with Biden and Obama. And now he said ‘to hell with it. Let’s take the whole thing'.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-nuclear-n-word-b2040702.html Trump says Putin keeps using the ‘n-word’ meaning ‘nuclear’ as he claims Russian leader is ‘different’ man to one he dealt with]
*Single most dangerous time for our country in history... yet you have people like John Kerry worrying about the climate! The climate! Oh, I heard that the other day. Here we are, [Russian President Vladimir Putin is] threatening us [and] he’s worried about the ocean will rise one-hundredth of one percent over the next 300 fucking’ years.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/03/28/two-stark-reminders-about-political-challenge-tackling-climate-change/ Two stark reminders about the political challenge of tackling climate change]
*The Left has become so extreme that we now have a justice being nominated to the Supreme Court who testified under oath that she could not say what a woman is, And a party that's unwilling to admit that men and women are biologically different in defiance of all scientific and human history, is a party that should not be anywhere near the levers of power in the United States of America.
**[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/watch-single-most-dangerous-time-trump-blasts-climate-change-crt-and-kbj ‘Single most dangerous time’: Trump blasts climate change, CRT, and KBJ]
====April 2022====
*Happy Easter to all including the Radical Left Maniacs who are trying everything to destroy our country May they not succeed, but let them, nevertheless, be happy, healthy, wealthy and well!
**[https://news.yahoo.com/biden-trump-release-very-different-202600019.html Yahoo!]
*He went out of his way to deceptively edit an interview and got caught. That is a big story, isn’t it?
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-hm9chvnk6z0 Donald Trump], [https://www.mediaite.com/tv/listen-trump-releases-audio-to-ending-of-doctored-interview-with-fool-piers-morgan/ mediaite]

* But when I didn’t win the election ..
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DrQC-oNAeQ Marjorie Taylor Greene &amp; Matt Gaetz NOT HAPPY with Jimmy &amp; Trump FINALLY Admits Defeat] (Apr 11, 2022) (video)

* Which would you rather be, a dumb person or a dictator?  Perhaps a dictator would be better.  I don't want to be a dumb person.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-rather-be-a-dictator-than-a-dumb-person-video-2022-4?r=US&amp;IR=T Trump says he'd rather be 'a dictator' than 'a dumb person' after bragging about the cognitive test he took in 2018], Business Insider, 22 April 2022

====May 2022====
*With rampant and record setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the New York State, including businesses left and right. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-sarvcupgsh1991 Save America] 

* I am not currently in possession of any Trump Organization-issued phones, computers or similar devices.
:I believe the last phone or device I was issued by the Trump Organization was a cellphone in 2015. I no longer have the cellphone in my possession and I am not aware of its current location.
:Since January 1, 2010, I previously owned two flip phones and a Samsung mobile phone. I do not have the two flips [sic] phones in my possession and I do not know their current whereabouts.”
:[Samsung] it was taken from me at some point while I was president. I do not have the Samsung in my possession and I do not know its current whereabouts.
:* '''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/11/trump-fine-contempt-new-york-letitia-james Trump must pay $110,000 fine to purge contempt, judge says]''' (Wed 11 May 2022 18.53 BST)

*[[w:Kathy Barnette | Kathy Barnette]] will never be able to win the general election against the radical left democrats. She has many things in her past which have not been properly explained or vetted, but if she is able to do so, she will have a wonderful future in the Republican Party — and I will be behind her all the way
** [[Trump]]  according to [https://www.smerconish.com/exclusive-content/pennsylvania-my-primary-concern Pennsylvania: My Primary Concern] (May 14)

==== July 2022 ====
* Warmongering and despicable human being Liz Cheney, who is hated by the great people of Wyoming (down 35!), keeps saying, over and over again, that HER Fake Unselect Committee may recommend CRIMINAL CHARGES against a President of the United States who got more votes than any sitting President in history,
** Said about Republican Congress Member Liz Cheney after she mentioned the possibility of raising criminal charges against Trump for his role in connection with the January 6 attack on the Congress of the United States, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2022/07/04/trump-rips-liz-cheney-after-she-suggests-jan-6-charges/ &quot;Trump rips ‘despicable’ Liz Cheney after she suggests Jan. 6 charges for ex-president&quot;], New York Post, 4 July 2022

* I feel very confident that, if I decide to run, I’ll win.
* In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision, so nothing factors in anymore. In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision.
* I made America great again, and I may have to do it again.
** [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/donald-trump-2024-decision.html &quot;Donald Trump on 2024: ‘I’ve Already Made That Decision’ The only question left in the former president’s mind is when he’ll announce&quot;], Intelligencer, 14 July 2022

{{Disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==
* These people should be executed. They are scumbags.
** About whistleblowers and journalists. Attributed by [[John Bolton]] in ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon &amp; Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT290 p. 290] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}}

*Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better fuck than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from [[Los Angeles]] at three o'clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise.
**Reported by Michael Wolff in [http://web.archive.org/web/20180107223847if_/https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSpgpeyVMAAMcS1.jpg ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House''] (5 January 2018)

* I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go.
** Reported as being the words of President Trump recorded in a memo that [[James Comey]], FBI Director at the time, wrote shortly after a meeting held in the Oval Office on 14 February 2017, referring to the federal investigation into links to the Russian government of national security adviser, [[Michael T. Flynn]], who had resigned the day before. In a statement, the White House has denied the version of events in the memo. — [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/16/us/politics/james-comey-trump-flynn-russia-investigation.html New York Times (16 May 2017)]
** Comey confirmed under oath his account of Trump's words while [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/us/politics/senate-hearing-transcript.html appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee] (8 June 2017)
** When asked about Comey's testimony during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hplM_DYp-Vk press conference on 9 June 2017], Trump said, &quot;I didn't say that. I will tell you I didn't say that. And there'd be nothing wrong if I did say it according to everybody that I've read today, but I did not say that.&quot;

* Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?
** Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/368576-trump-rips-protections-for-immigrants-from-shithole-countries-in &quot;Trump criticized immigration from 's---hole' countries: report&quot;] (11 January 2018), by Avery Anapol, ''The Hill''. Variant: &quot;Why do we want all these people from shithole countries coming here?&quot; As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/trump-rock-bottom/index.html Trump's 'shithole' comment is his new rock bottom], ''CNN'', 12 January 2018. Trump denied making this comment.
*** &quot;The language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used.&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951793123985973248 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They're shithole countries ... We should have more people from Norway.
**[https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-immigration-norway/thanks-but-no-thanks-norwegians-reject-trumps-immigration-offer-idUSKBN1F11QK 12 January 2018, per Reuters' source]

*Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out.
**Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-shthole-countries-response-from-haiti-africa-el-salvador/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab8a&amp;linkId=46885064 &quot;'Sh*thole countries' respond to Trump's rhetoric&quot;], ''CBS News''. Trump denied making this comment.
** &quot;Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said &quot;take them out.&quot; Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings - unfortunately, no trust!&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951813216291708928 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*[B]lack people are too stupid to vote for me.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. In a post-2018 midterm press conference, Trump denied making the comment and dismissed Cohen's claims: &quot;That's false&quot; — as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/president-trump-says-never-used-racist-remarks-195529076.html &quot;President Trump says he has 'never used racist remarks'&quot;] (7 November 2018), by Hunter Walker, ''Yahoo News''.

*Name one country run by a black person that's not a shithole... Name one city.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. &quot;White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied those comments at the time.&quot;

*Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers .. suckers .. Who were the good guys in this war?
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/white-house-decision-cancel-veteran-s-cemetery-france-visit-creates-n934796 Saturday 10 November 2018] two hours before a scheduled 30-minute helicopter ride from Paris to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, the visit was cancelled with White House stating a rainy forecast made it too dangerous
**[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-americans-who-died-at-war-are-losers-and-suckers/615997/ 3 September 2020] TheAtlantic.com writer [[Jeffrey Goldberg]] stated that &quot;four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day&quot; (Goldberg did not provide any names) that &quot;Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead&quot;, and described the two-sentence quote above as part of &quot;a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit&quot;.
***Goldberg also stated that during the trip (in a separate conversation) that Trump used the term &quot;suckers&quot; to collectively describe the 1800+ marines who died at Belleau Wood, but did not provide any surrounding words (the purported quote was the only word in quotation marks)
***the sentence about &quot;good guys&quot; Goldberg says was stated towards aides (not senior staff members)
****Goldberg did state a number regarding witness count of the other two statements, only for the &quot;losers&quot; one
**[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/donald-trump-the-atlantic-john-mccain-loserstrump-denies-account-of-him-disparaging-u-s-war-dead-mccain 4 September 2020] Trump responded to Goldberg's piece &quot;It’s a total lie. It’s fake news&quot;.
**Trump also [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301893907295371266 tweeted that day]: &quot;The Atlantic Magazine is dying, like most magazines, so they make up a fake story in order to gain some relevance. Story already refuted, but this is what we are up against.&quot;
**press secretary [[Layleigh McEnany]] also [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/09/04/whs_mcenany_atlantic_report_on_trump_has_been_categorically_debunked_by_witnesses_clearly_fake_news.html on September 4th] stated &quot;The story in the Atlantic has been categorically debunked by eyewitnesses and contemporaneous documents&quot;, quoting two service members:
***&quot;&quot;I was with the president the morning after the scheduled visit. He was extremely disappointed that arrangements could not be made to get him to the site and that the trip had been cancelled. I have worked with the president for his entire administration .. I have never heard him utter a disparaging remark of any kind about our troops.&quot; - Derek Lyons
***&quot;there was a bad weather called in France and that the helicopters were unable to safely make the flight. Overall, the president's support and respect for our American troops past and present is unquestionable&quot; - Dan Walsh
**following Goldberg's piece that same day, [[James LaPorta]] wrote [https://apnews.com/article/b823f2c285641a4a09a96a0b195636ed on AP] &quot;A senior Defense Department official with firsthand knowledge of events and a senior U.S. Marine Corps officer who was told about Trump’s comments confirmed some of the remarks to The Associated Press, including the 2018 cemetery comments.&quot;


{{Disputed end}}

{{misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* I have a really high IQ, Phil. I mean, c'mon. It's impossible for me to not be atheist.
** Attributed by photo meme to an appearance on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. [http://www.snopes.com/trump-donahue-atheist-1989/ According to Snopes.com], there is no evidence he ever said this, nor that he even appeared on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989.

* If I were to run, I'd run as a Republican. They're the dumbest group of voters in the country. They believe anything on Fox News. I could lie and they'd still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific.
** There is no record of Trump ever saying this; sometimes &quot;''People'' magazine, 1998&quot; is ''incorrectly'' given as the &quot;source&quot; of this quotation — [http://www.snopes.com/1998-trump-people-quote/ snopes.com]; [https://www.truthorfiction.com/donald-trump-said-republicans-are-the-dumbest-group-of-voters/ truthorfiction.com]

* The harder I work, the luckier I get.
** Originated with [[Samuel Goldwyn]] as a paraphrase of a proverb from a collection by Coleman Cox, but similar proverbs have existed since the 16th century. [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/21/luck-hard-work/]

* Life is what you do while you're waiting to die.
** [[w:Fred Ebb|Fred Ebb]], ''[[w:Zorba (musical)|Zorba]]'' (1968)

* People are dying today that have never died before.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-quote-never-died-before/ According to Snopes.com], there is no record of Trump saying this.

* The doctors said they've never seen a body kill the Coronavirus like my body. They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA. It was USA.
** Reportedly said by Trump after he was hospitalized with [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]], following [[w:White House COVID-19 outbreak|an outbreak of the disease in the White House]]; the quote actually originates from an image featuring a fabricated subtitle overlaid on a video released by the President while he was in [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-coronavirus-kill-body/]
	
* My blood IS the vaccine!!!!!	
** Originates from a fabricated screenshot of a tweet allegedly posted on October 5, 2020, the same day Trump was released from [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]] after his diagnosis of [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-my-blood-is-the-vaccine/] The fictitious quote likely refers to the donation of the [[w:blood plasma|blood plasma]] of COVID-19 survivors as a treatment method against catching the disease, a treatment of which Trump has been a vocal supporter. Trump has, however, suggested that he would consider donating his own plasma for this purpose. [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-donate-plasma-covid-19-coronavirus/]
 	
{{misattributed end}}

==Quotes about Trump==
:&lt;small&gt;Alphabetized by surname.&lt;/small&gt;
:&lt;small&gt;[[#A|A]] · [[#B|B]] · [[#C|C]] · [[#D|D]] · [[#E|E]] · [[#F|F]] · [[#G|G]] · [[#H|H]] · [[#I|I]] · [[#J|J]] · [[#K|K]] · [[#L|L]] · [[#M|M]] · [[#N|N]] · [[#O|O]] · [[#P|P]] · [[#Q|Q]] · [[#R|R]] · [[#S|S]] · [[#T|T]] · [[#U|U]] · [[#V|V]] · [[#W|W]] · [[#X|X]] · [[#Y|Y]] · [[#Z|Z]] · [[#See also|See&amp;nbsp;also]] · [[#External links|External&amp;nbsp;links]]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Lou Barletta.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump's voice is resonating with average Americans who feel their voice has been lost by their party. I believe this will become a new Republican Party, one that we should embrace. We should be the party of working men and women, the party of America first. ~ [[w:Lou Barletta|Lou Barletta]]]]
[[File:Glenn Beck by Gage Skidmore 3.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump, I really truly [[believe]] is a very [[dangerous]] man. If you listen to the things he said... He has joked about killing reporters. ~ [[Glenn Beck]] ]] 
{{npov}}

=== A ===
[[File:Bashar al-Assad (cropped).jpg|thumb|I don't know him, when I sit with him face-to-face, I can judge him. But I only look at the person on the TV. ~ [[Bashar al-Assad]]]]
* The meta-impact of President Trump routinely doing the &quot;[[impossibility|impossible]]&quot; is that it changes how all of us view our world. If Trump can keep doing the impossible, time and time again, why can't we? [...] [D]on't be surprised if 2018 is the year when people all over the world shed their mental prisons and take on the &quot;impossibles&quot; in ways we have never seen. Thanks to President Trump, people everywhere are beginning to recognize the difference between real impossibilities and simple failures of imagination.
** [[Scott Adams]], [http://blog.dilbert.com/2018/01/02/president-trump-changed-imagination/ &quot;How President Trump Changed Your Imagination&quot;] (2 January 2018)

*Trump gives about four months for Syria troop pull-out: NYT
**Aljazeera, [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/01/trump-months-syria-troop-pull-nyt-190101143234181.html 1 January 2019] in response to [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/31/us/politics/trump-troop-withdrawal-syria-months.html?action=click&amp;login=smartlock&amp;auth=login-smartlock 31 December 2019] article by Eric Schmitt and Maggie Haberman of New York Times titled &quot;Trump to Allow Months for Troop Withdrawal in Syria, Officials Say&quot; that says &quot;Trump has agreed to give the military about four months to withdraw the 2,000 United States troops in Syria, administration officials said on Monday&quot;

* I think it's funny because Donald Trump is kind of in the spirit of old Greek tyrants where they used to vote in a guy that had no encumbrances. So the smartest thing about him, which is probably most overlooked, to me, is that he doesn't owe anybody anything and if he would just stick to fixing the bridges, roads and infrastructures that's what he knows how to do...just keep him doing that.
** [[Tim Allen]], as quoted in [http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/01/13/tim-allen-says-leans-left-leans-right-and-ends-up-center-right.html &quot;Tim Allen says he leans left, leans right, and ends up 'center right'&quot;] by Blanche Johnson, ''FoxNews.com'' (13 January 2016)

* I think Trump failed to pull off his coup because of three enduring weaknesses in his character. First, many high school students know more about how the American government works than he does. He particularly does not understand the way the Constitution’s division of powers, even after all the growth in executive power over the decades, still can check an overreaching president. Thus he seems to have assumed that Republican judges would agree the election had been rigged simply because they were Republicans, when actually they were foremost judges in an independent judiciary bound by precedent, by a duty to see that justice is done, and by a demand for evidence. Similarly, Congress has many ties to executive agencies such as the FBI and the Department of Defense, especially the ties that bind with purse strings, that give it considerable influence in these agencies. &lt;br&gt;Second, organizing something as complicated as a coup d’etat takes some serious cognitive chops, and by 2020 Donald Trump had trouble “staying on topic” for even a minute. If he were huddling with a conspirator over, say, control of the U.S. Marshalls during a takeover, he would soon be talking about how windmills kill eagles or the steam catapults on aircraft carriers. His thinking processes were too chaotic to orchestrate a coup. &lt;br&gt;Third, even though Donald Trump convinced millions that he was a self-assured, super-confident, take-charge individualist, he has long lacked resolve. He always had the courage of his convictions, which meant he had almost none. He frequently changed positions on important issues, notoriously being swayed by whoever spoke to him last, and his decision-making could be fairly characterized as “Charge ahead impulsively, then quickly retreat.” For example, two days after the networks declared Joe Biden had won the election, Trump signed an executive order commanding the withdrawal of American troops from Afghanistan and elsewhere by inauguration day. This surprised everyone at the Pentagon, whose officials immediately pointed out the dangers of precipitate withdrawals. Trump almost never went toe-to-toe with advisors who stood up to him. Instead he just sulked and complained about having “too many lawyers.” Like the executive order Trump signed curtailing military aid to South Korea that an aide simply took off his desk and deep-sixed, the order about Afghanistan was ignored. &lt;br&gt;'''[[Harry S. Truman|Harry Truman]] famously said, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen,” and he had a sign on his desk that read, “The buck stops here.” Trump can’t stand the heat, and accordingly he always makes sure the buck stops somewhere else. Like most [[Bullying|bullies]], he usually gets another person to do his dirty work and face all the danger. The mob who attacked the Capitol on January 6th were the latest version of the throngs who bought Trump’s junk bonds in earlier days, taking all the risks, for his benefit, while he watched.'''
** [[Bob Altemeyer]], [https://theauthoritarians.org/lessons-of-the-2020-american-election-january-6th-and-beyond/ &quot;Lessons of the 2020 American Election, January 6th, and Beyond&quot;], October 20, 2021.

* People's memories are so short and America's propaganda is so powerful that most, even the greatest losers of this appropriation, have forgotten that a profound change occurred, which we now take for granted. We have been conditioned to react skeptically, even hostilely, to criticism of our current corporate values, values which form the foundation of everyday life today. What's more appalling is that huge numbers of those left behind in the wealth transfer genuflected to the new plutocratic class, celebrating the most vicious of the uber-CEOs. This craven CEO-worshipping is still going on today- middle Americans drag themselves home after work in order to gather around the television and watch billionaire assholes like Donald Trump deliver his &quot;You're fired!&quot; line to some desperate, stressed-out Smithers-abee.
** [[Mark Ames]], ''Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion: From Reagan's Workplaces to Clinton's Columbine and Beyond'' (2005), p. 87-88

* Petty malice is now the major premise of American life. This meanness has become so common that it even dominates our leisure time, with Americans worshipping mega-millionaire assholes like Bill O'Reilly and Donald Trump. It's an utterly masochistic addiction- and no wonder, since Middle America has taken so much shit over the past 30 years, we've grown not only used to the meanness, but we can even get a rush off it. America is now Zed Nation: addicted to the pain that our masters so lovingly deliver to us, rewarding them not only with greater incomes, but with our admiration, our leisure time, and our souls.
** Mark Ames, ''Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion: From Reagan's Workplaces to Clinton's Columbine and Beyond'' (2005), p. 205

*[[w:Neo-Nazis|We]] support Trump because he is the savior of the White race, sent by God to free us from the shackles of the Jew occupation and establish a 1000 Reich.
** {{w|Andrew Anglin}}, as quoted in [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-neo-nazis-jews_us_5747397be4b0dacf7ad4480e &quot;Trump's Neo-Nazi And Jewish Backers Are Both Convinced He's Secretly On Their Side&quot;] (26 May 2016), by Jessica Schulberg, ''The Huffington Post''

* Yes, Trump is worse than imperfect. So what? We can lament until we choke the lack of a great statesman to address the fundamental issues of our time—or, more importantly, to connect them. Since [[Pat Buchanan]]'s three failures, occasionally a candidate arose who saw one piece: [[Dick Gephardt]] on trade, [[Ron Paul]] on war, [[Tom Tancredo]] on immigration. Yet, among recent political figures—great statesmen, dangerous demagogues, and mewling gnats alike—only Trump-the-alleged-buffoon not merely saw all three and their essential connectivity, ''but was able to win on them''. The alleged buffoon is thus more prudent—more practically wise—than all of our wise-and-good who so bitterly oppose him. This should embarrass them. That their failures instead embolden them is only further proof of their foolishness and hubris.
**{{w|Michael Anton}} (as &quot;Publius Decius Mus&quot;), [http://www.claremont.org/crb/basicpage/the-flight-93-election/ &quot;The Flight 93 Election&quot;], ''The Claremont Institute'' (September 5, 2016) 

* Trump is not the only president in the modern era to have switched sides. [[Ronald Reagan]] famously changed from the Democratic Party to the Republican Party, but the change was driven by principle, and the change stuck. He didn't sway back and forth, again and again. It would be tough for anyone to claim Donald Trump flipped parties on &quot;principle&quot; like Reagan. Some have sought to dig into Trump's ideological evolution, figuring out what changed or who inspired him to become a Republican. I'll spare them the needless waste of effort. Donald Trump became a conservative when it became politically convenient for him. I have no doubt he would have become the raucous rising star of the Democratic Party, too, if that looked like a shorter path to the Oval Office. Either way, he did with his belief system what he did with any Trump product. He outsourced it for low-cost manufacturing to someone else, then slapped his name on it. A handful of hired minions gave him the bare-bones requirements of a &quot;conservative&quot; platform. And he covered it with gaudy gold plating to make it his own.
** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 97

* Donald Trump has America back on the road to bankruptcy, an area where he has unparalleled expertise for a president of the United States. The small band of fiscal conservatives who remain in the Trump administration warned the president about the eventual dangers of his out-of-control spending addiction. In one such meeting, Trump reportedly said, &quot;Yeah, but I won't be here.&quot; I never heard him say those words, but it doesn't come as a surprise. That's how he thinks. What does he care if the federal government goes belly-up? By then it won't be his problem.
** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 101

* The president's denial-turned-apathy to Moscow's actions is why America responded with the diplomatic equivalent of a whimper to one of the biggest foreign affronts to our democracy. Of all the failures of Trump's foreign policy, letting Russia off the hook is perhaps the most frustrating. The outgoing Obama administration imposed modest sanctions on Moscow, including expelling several dozen alleged Russian agents from the United States, but it left the rest to the incoming White House. Trump was reluctant to take further action that might offend Putin, with whom he hoped to develop a close working relationship. He hesitated to even raise the subject in conversations with the Russian leader, dumbfounding people on the inside. I remember when Congress sanctioned Russia in summer 2017. Representatives vented their anger over how little the administration had done to hold Russia accountable, so they took matters into their own hands and passed legislation punishing the country. Though he would later take credit for the sanctions in order to claim our administration had been unusually tough on Moscow, Trump in fact was furious. He felt Congress was getting in the way of his goal of a warm friendship with the Kremlin. Russia responded to the sanctions by kicking out hundreds of US embassy staff from their country and seizing US diplomatic compounds. President Trump's response was startling. &quot;I want to thank him because we're trying to cut down on payroll,&quot; Trump told reporters about Putin's move, without a hint of irony. &quot;And as far as I'm concerned, I'm very thankful that he let go a large number of people, because now we have a smaller payroll. There's no real reason for them to go back. So I greatly appreciate the fact that we've been able to cut our payroll of the United States. We'll save a lot of money.&quot;
** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 164-165

* Trump's cavalier attitude toward the Russian security threat has had a predictable yet devastating consequence. Moscow has not been deterred from attacking American interests. It has been emboldened. They continue to take advantage of the United States, around the world and on our own soil. Former director of National Intelligence Dan Coats testified in January 2019 that Russia was still sowing social, racial, and political discord in the United States through influence operations, and several months later, Robert Mueller said the same. &quot;It wasn't a single attempt,&quot; he testified to Congress. &quot;They're doing it as we sit here. And they expect to do it during the next campaign.&quot; This should be a national scandal, a cause for outrage and action against the Russian government. Instead, it's being ignored where it should matter most- in the Oval Office. Reporters asked Trump about Mueller's assessment days later and quizzed him again on whether he'd pressed Putin on the topic. &quot;You don't really believe this,&quot; he shot back. &quot;Do you believe this? Okay, fine. We didn't talk about it.&quot; Then he boarded Marine One.
** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 167

* As we tried to make sense of Donald Trump's positions or when one of us tried to argue against them, we first had to ask: Why is the president so attracted to autocrats? After a contentious meeting about the president's engagement with a foreign dictator, a top national security aide offered me his take. &quot;The president sees in these guys what he wishes he had: total power, no term limits, enforced popularity, and the ability to silence critics for good.&quot; He was spot on. It was the simplest explanation.
** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 171

* Mr. Trump is a wild card, but he is likely to sign pro-life measures, and he is seeking advice now from the right people to appoint a plausible successor to [[Antonin Scalia|Justice Scalia]]. In this Guide for the Perplexed, we may find reason to bite our lips and take the Wild Card over the brutal Sure Thing on the other side.
** [[w:Hadley Arkes|Hadley Arkes]], [https://www.thecatholicthing.org/2016/05/04/a-guide-for-the-perplexed/ &quot;A Guide for the Perplexed&quot;], ''The Catholic Thing'' (4 May 2016)

* '''I don't know him, when I sit with him face-to-face, I can judge him. But I only look at the person on the TV,''' you know, on the TV you can manipulate everything, you can...rehearse, you can prepare yourself...
** [[Bashar al-Assad]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45odEv_1DAY Interview with Bill Neely] (July 2016) on &quot;[https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/syria-s-president-bashar-al-assad-speaks-nbc-news-n608746 NBC: Exclusive Interview with Bashar al-Assad]&quot;

* My analysis is that Trump would not be permitted to win. Why do I say that? Because he has had every establishment off his side. Trump does not have one establishment, maybe with the exception of the Evangelicals, if you can call them an establishment. Banks, intelligence, arms companies, foreign money, etc. are all united behind [[Hillary Clinton]]. And the media as well. Media owners, and the journalists themselves.
** [[Julian Assange]], interview with John Pilger; [https://www.rt.com/news/365299-assange-pilger-saudi-clinton/ &quot;Assange: Clinton &amp; ISIS funded by same money, Trump won't be allowed to win&quot;], ''[[w:RT (TV network)|RT.com]]'' (4 November 2016)

* [Trump] is consistent. He is the same person that you see behind the scenes as he is in the public or through the media.
** [[Jacinda Ardern]]  in [https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/20-08-2020/the-complete-history-of-donald-trump-v-jacinda-ardern/ A brief history of Donald Trump v Jacinda Ardern]

* There is no greater sacrifice than to lay down one's life for their country, and that's the sacrifice that Captain Humayum Khan made fighting to defend our freedom and our constitutional rights. He was a true American hero. The Khan family deserves nothing less than our deepest support, respect, and gratitude, and they have every right to express themselves in any way they choose. I am appalled that Donald Trump would disparage them and that he had the gall to compare his own sacrifices to those of a Gold Star family.
** {{w|Kelly Ayotte}}, statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about Khizr and Ghazala Khan [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/31/khizr-khan-calls-trump-a-black-soul-says-mcconnell-ryan-have-moral-obligation-to-repudiate-him/] (July 31, 2016)

=== B ===
* Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump's birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, not an orangutan.
**Scott Balber, Donald Trump's lawyer, to comedian [[Bill Maher]] (2013), in response to Maher's facetious assertion that he'd pay Trump $5 million dollars upon release of Trump's birth certificate to prove he was not sired by an {{w|orangutan}}. [http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/celebrity-news/my-dad-was-not-an-orangutan-donald-trump-says-in-lawsuit/article8467052/] [http://www.mediaite.com/tv/bill-maher-nukes-trump-over-lawsuit-the-law-is-not-a-toy-for-rich-idiots-to-play-with/]

*Come on. You know it's only socialism when it helps the working class. Farm bailout will primarily help big Ag. (referring to [https://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-hiltzik-trump-farm-bailout-20190528-story.html?outputType=amp ''Los Angeles Times'' article: Rich farmers, not mom-and-pop farms, will collect most of Trump's tariff bailout  (31 May 2019)]  
**[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball/status/1144018130357882880 ''Twitter Post,'']  (26 June 2019)

*Interesting nugget here as well. @tparsi had been informed by a Hill staffer in touch with the Pentagon that military strikes were imminent. Apparently everyone thought these strikes were really happening right up until the last moment. @esaagar ...  @tparsi also warns that any military strike could easily lead to full blown conflict. &quot;The Idea that there's such a thing as a limited strike on Iran is frankly preposterous.&quot; ... Interview with Head of the National Iranian American Council @tparsi . He told us it would be &quot;political suicide&quot; for any Iranian politician to meet with Trump as long as Bolton/Pompeo are around. @esaagar ... #rising #sanctions #Iran #iranwar
**[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball ''Twitter Post''],  (24 June 2019)

*Wait... you only thought to ask about how many people would die 10 minutes before the strike??? That's a rather important piece of info to nearly overlook.
**[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball ''Twitter Post''],  (21 June 2019)

* Mr Khan, shame on you &amp; #CrookedHillary (Hillary Clinton) for not being truthful to all in attacks at @realDonaldTrump (Donald Trump).
** {{w|Al Baldasaro}}, [https://twitter.com/Al_Baldasaro/status/760122082323795968 Twitter, August 1, 2016]

*  As Democrats jeer that Trump has merely laid bare the true soul of the GOP, some Republicans wonder, with considerable anguish, whether they're right.
** {{w|Molly Ball}}, ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/08/can-the-republican-party-survive-trumo/402074/ Can the Republican Party Survive Trump?]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (August 24, 2015)

* Viewed through any conventional lens, [[President of the United States|President]]-elect Donald Trump's candidacy was [[improbable]] from start to finish. Today, two things about his [[victory]] seem to be in sharper focus: one, that Trump's victory might best be understood as the success of the country's first [[independent]] [[president]], and second, that the Trump coalition may be even more uniquely his than President [[Barack Obama|Obama]]'s has turned out to be.&lt;br&gt;Trump owes his [[success]] in part to the fact that he ran for president in an environment that favored [[change]] over the [[status quo]]. But his [[luck]] or [[genius]] goes beyond that. It has long been noted that the conditions have existed for an independent candidate to run a serious campaign for president.&lt;br&gt;Trump took the elements of an independent candidacy — the lack of clear [[ideology]], the name recognition of a national [[celebrity]] and the personal [[fortune]] needed to fund a presidential campaign — and then did what no one seemed to have thought of before. He staged a hostile takeover of an existing major party. He had the best of both worlds, an outsider candidacy with crosscutting ideological appeal and the platform of a major party to wage the general election. By the time he had finished, he had taken down two political dynasties: the [[w:Bush family|Bush dynasty]] in the primaries and the [[w:Clinton family|Clinton dynasty]] in the general election.
** [[Dan Balz]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/donald-trump-americas-first-independent-president/2016/11/19/b09e1cc6-ade2-11e6-8b45-f8e493f06fcd_story.html Donald Trump, America's first independent president]'' (November 19, 2016)

* It should not have taken a pandemic to raise these resources. In June 2019, we presented a Poor People’s Moral Budget to the House Budget Committee, showing that we can meet these needs for this entire country. '''If you had taken up this Moral Budget, we would have already moved towards infusing more than $1.2 trillion into the economy to invest in health care, good jobs, living wages, housing, water and sanitation services and more.&lt;BR&gt;This is not the time for trickle-down solutions. We know that when you lift from the bottom, everybody rises. There are concrete solutions to this immediate crisis and the longer term illnesses we have been battling for months, years and decades before. We will continue to organize and build power until you meet these demands. Many millions of us have been hurting for far too long. We will not be silent anymore.'''&lt;br&gt;With its broad sweep, the [[2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States|COVID-19 pandemic]] has forced us into an unprecedented [[w:State of emergency|national emergency]]. This emergency, however, results from a deeper and much longer term crisis — that of [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and [[w:Inequality in the United States|inequality]], and of a [[w:Society of the United States|society]] that ignores the needs of 140 million people who are poor or a $400 emergency away from being poor.
**[[Rev William Barber II]] in Letter to President [[Donald Trump]], Vice President [[Mike Pence]] and Members of the [[w:116th United States Congress|116th Congress]], ''[https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org/poverty-amidst-pandemic/ Poverty Amidst Pandemic: A Moral Response to COVID-19]'' (March 19, 2020), co-written with [[Liz Theoharis]], [[Poor People's Campaign: A National Call for a Moral Revival]]

[[File:Interfaith Health Care Vigil 6291113.jpg|thumb|Trump and Pence need to let the people go. They’ve been holding poor and low-wealth people hostage, essential workers hostage. It’s time for a change in this country.  ~ [[Rev. William Barber II]] ]]
*On the issue of the economy, I think there couldn’t be a more fundamental difference between Donald Trump and [[Joe Biden]]. Joe Biden believes you measure the health and the strength of America’s economy based on the health and the strength of the American worker and the American family. On the other hand, you have '''Donald Trump, who measures the strength of the economy based on how rich people are doing, which is why he passed a tax bill benefiting the top 1% and the biggest corporations of America, leading to a $2 trillion deficit that the American people are going to have to pay for'''&lt;br&gt;'''Not only will Pence and Trump not acknowledge racism when it comes to police violence, they are not even acknowledging the disparate racism in economics and in healthcare, and... wanting to only secure the wealthy and the greedy...&lt;BR&gt; '''The Trump-Pence plan is talking about giving more money to the wealthy. In fact, the Trump-Pence-McConnell plan, they refuse to pass a stimulus because they want another $200 billion in tax cuts''', they want money for a fighter jet, and they want to protect corporations from liability when those corporations didn’t protect their people from coronavirus.
**[[Rev William Barber II]], quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/10/8/mike_pence_kamala_harris_vp_debate Rev. William Barber: Millions Are Struggling. So Why Do the Debates Ignore Poverty?, ''DemocracyNow''], (8 October 2020)

*What I saw in North Carolina, what we defeated in North Carolina, what we filed suit against in North Carolina, is now what Trump and Pence are talking about doing on the national level: surgical racism with surgical precision... '''Pence and Trump don’t believe in [[W:Voting Rights Act|the Voting Rights Act]]... They know they cannot win if everybody votes. They are terribly afraid of poor and low-wealth Black and Brown people voting.'''&lt;br&gt;And then stop saying Trump won the last time. He was elected by the Electoral College because of 80,000 votes. We have to end this mythology that he had some kind of superpower. The fact of the matter is, 100 million people did not vote. .. I couldn’t help but go to the [[Book of Exodus]], where it talked about where God said, “If you don’t let my people go, I’m going to cause flies to come as a sign of what’s wrong. But I won’t let the flies be on the people, but the fly will be a symbol that you’re just wrong. You’re lying. Let my people go.” And Trump and Pence need to let the people go. They’ve been holding poor and low-wealth people hostage, essential workers hostage. It’s time for a change in this country.
**[[Rev. William Barber II]]  in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/10/8/rev_william_barber_voting_2020 Rev. William Barber on Voter Suppression: Republicans Know They Can’t Win If Everyone Casts a Ballot'], [[w:''Democracy Now!''|''Democracy Now!'']], (8 October 2020)

* '''Donald Trump's voice is resonating with average Americans who feel their voice has been lost by their party. I believe this will become a new Republican Party, one that we should embrace. We should be the party of working men and women, the party of America first.'''
** {{w|Lou Barletta}}, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/03/22/lou-barletta-an-immigration-hard-liner-in-congress-endorses-trump/ &quot;Lou Barletta, an immigration hard-liner in Congress, endorses Trump&quot;] by Robert Costa, ''The Washington Post'' (22 March 2016)

* Orchestrating a mob to pressure [[Congress]] is inexcusable.
** William Barr, Former Attorney General, as quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/barr-says-trump-s-conduct-betrayal-presidency-n1253281 &quot;Barr says Trump's conduct is a 'betrayal' of the presidency&quot;] January 7 2021 &lt;i&gt; NBC News &lt;/i&gt;

* You can’t trust him.
* He has no principles. None. None.
* His goddamned tweet and the lying, oh, my God.
* The change of stories. The lack of preparation. The lying. Holy shit.
** Maryanne Trump Barry, sister of Donald Trump, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/03/22/lou-barletta-an-immigration-hard-liner-in-congress-endorses-trump/ Trump’s Sister Says He Is a Liar With “No Principles” in Secret Recordings: “You Can’t Trust Him”] by Daniel Politi, ''Slate'' (22 August 2020)

*Iran's actions can hardly be said to have occurred in a vacuum... it has been the recent policy of &quot;maximum pressure&quot; on Tehran under the incoherent foreign policy of the Trump administration that has exacerbated the current tensions... the [[W:United States withdrawal from the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Trump administration has withdrawn]] unilaterally from the internationally agreed – and successful – [[w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) of 2015]]... It is not hard, then, to see how these moves might be viewed in Tehran: as part of an escalating offensive from multiple sources threatening its own home front in a campaign of [[w:economic warfare|economic warfare]] designed to weaken the regime....The depth of the US stake in this increasingly dangerous game is far harder to judge, given the usual confusion of Trump's flip-flopping and the machinations of Bolton...  All of which leaves us to contemplate the most frightening element of all in a complex crisis: that the current occupant of the White House lacks any of the skills required to successfully defuse it.
**[[Peter Beaumont (journalist)|Peter Beaumont]] in [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jun/14/trump-iran-oil-tanker-attacks  ''Trump's fanned the flames in Iran, now the fire risks getting out of control, The Guardian,''] (14 June 2019)

*When conservatives desperately needed allies in the fight against big government, Donald Trump didn't stand on the sidelines. He consistently advocated that your money be spent, that your government grow, and that your Constitution be ignored... Trump's potential primary victory would provide Hillary Clinton with the easiest imaginable path to the White House. But it's far worse than that. If Donald Trump wins the Republican nomination, there will once again be no opposition to an ever-expanding government. This is a crisis for conservatism. And, once again, this crisis will not go to waste.
**[[Glenn Beck]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''

*'''Donald Trump, I really truly believe is a very dangerous man. If you listen to the things he said''' this weekend... 'I could go onto Fifth Avenue and shoot people and I wouldn't lose a vote'. '''He has joked about killing reporters''' — and 'not' killing reporters like [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] does... We don't change with the mood of the country. That is the problem with our country right now. The Constitution is to anchor us in principles that help temper the mood of the country... The mood of the country is very angry, but you never make a good decision when you are angry... The worst thing we can do is to now start looking at, who is going to get revenge? One of the things that Donald Trump does, when you have a guy who is angry and then has an enemies list and starts to just take people down over and over and over again — if you disagree with him, he destroys you. If that is the mood of the country, we are in more trouble than I thought.
**[[Glenn Beck]], [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/25/politics/glenn-beck-donald-trump-dangerous/index.html interview on ''New Day''] (January 2016), ''CNN'', Georgia: Cable News Network 

* '''Trump may be vulgar, Trump may be abrasive, but in terms of racism, corruption, and destruction, he is Mr[[Reagan]]'s true heir. Trump's Republican Party is what it has been at least since the 1980s, only more so.'''
** Larry Beinhart ''[https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/donald-ronald-190811202546763.html Donald and Ronald]'', 12 August 2019, ''{{w|Al Jazeera English}}''.

* &quot;The words from his mouths begin in foolishness, and his talk ends in wicked madness, yet Trump talks on and on.&quot;
** [[w:Shlomo ben David|Shlomo Ben-David]] on [[w:Ro'im Olam|''Ro'im Olam'']], May 12, 2018.

* He does not seem to be able to differentiate between fact and fiction.
** Ben Berzin jr., Midatlantic Bank, quoted by Steven Malanga in [https://www.manhattan-institute.org/html/donald-trump-art-tease-3007.html Donald Trump: The Art of the Tease] (06 April 2011), ''{{w|Manhattan Institute}}''

* The evidence shows: Donald Trump cannot retain an ally, keep a promise, uphold a principle, maintain a story, change a mind or show a heart. 
** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preet_Bharara Preet Bharara] on [https://twitter.com/preetbharara/status/917198254923710464?lang=de Twitter] (8 October 2017)

*When it comes to COVID-19, after months of doing nothing, other than predicting the virus would disappear or maybe, if you drank bleach, you may be okay, Trump has simply given up.
**[[Joe Biden]] on [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/biden-unveils-1st-portion-build-back-economic-plan/story?id=71681986 9 July 2020] regarding Trump's April 2020 citation of [[William Bryan]]'s research regarding disinfectants: Trump never specified using bleach or ingesting it

* In an age of pussified [[political correctness]], you have to respect the people who remain unfiltered.
** {{w|Dan Bilzerian}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/263480-instagram-star-praises-unfiltered-trump &quot;'King of Instagram' praises 'unfiltered' Trump&quot;] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (16 December 2015)

*Donald found out about [Cohn's HIV diagnosis] and just dropped him like a hot potato. It was like night and day.
** Susan Bell, longtime secretary of Trump's lawyer {{W|Roy Cohn}}, as quoted in [http://theweek.com/speedreads/617343/donald-trump-turned-back-closest-friend-when-heard-aids Donald Trump turned his back on his closest friend when he heard he had AIDS], at ''{{W|The Week}}'', published April 8, 2016 

* Donald Trump was a [[joke]] until nominated, unelectable until elected, incompetent until he succeeded on most fronts, and about to be impeached until he debunked the collusion nonsense; he has had a very [[success]]ful year. His enemies have been weighed in the balance and they have been found wanting. They shall have their reward. 
** [[Conrad Black]], &quot;[http://www.nationalreview.com/article/454754/donald-trump-2017-successful Trump's Whirlwind Year]&quot;, ''National Review'' (December 19, 2017)

* ...it is merely Marxist drivel to think that employers have more power than employees (tell that to Michael Jordan and Jerry Reinsdorf) or landlords than tenants (tell that to the landlord of Bill Gates or Donald Trump).
** [[w:Walter Block|Walter E. Block]], ''The Case for Discrimination'' (2010, Ludwig von Mises Institute) p. 404

*Americans think it would be better to have a businessman than a politician as president, and I sympathize with them. Alas, the only businessmen crazy enough to run for president seem to be, well, crazy. At least Ross Perot kept his craziness confined mostly to private matters, such as the looming disruption of his daughter's wedding. Donald Trump puts it front and center. From a libertarian point of view, and I think serious conservatives and liberals would share this view, Trump's greatest offenses against American tradition and our founding principles are his nativism and his promise of one-man rule. Not since [[George Wallace]] has there been a presidential candidate who made racial and religious scapegoating so central to his campaign. Trump launched his campaign talking about Mexican rapists and has gone on to rant about mass deportation, bans on Muslim immigration, shutting down mosques, and building a wall around America. America is an exceptional nation in large part because we've aspired to rise above such prejudices and guarantee life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to everyone.
** {{w|David Boaz}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}''

* Where Washington and New York-based GOP leaders pledge outreach to immigrants, moderate Muslims and other [[minorities]], the reality TV star plays more overt racial politics than any national candidate since [[George Wallace]]. Trump's brand of nativist, nationalist isolationism marked the path to victory. 
** Igor Bobic and Ryan Grim, [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-south-carolina_us_56c87f72e4b041136f1725b8 &quot;What Donald Trump's Win In South Carolina Says About The Republican Party&quot;] (20 February 2016), ''The Huffington Post''.

* Trump spoke with [[Xi Jinping]] by phone on June 18, ahead of [[w:2019 G20 Osaka summit|2019's Osaka G20 summit]], when they would next meet. Trump began by telling Xi he missed him and then said that the most popular thing he had ever been involved with was making a trade deal with China, which would be a big plus politically. They agreed their economic teams could continue meeting. The [[w:2018 G20 Buenos Aires summit|G20 bilateral]] arrived, and during the usual media mayhem at the start, Trump said, &quot;we've become friends. My trip to Beijing with my family was one of the most incredible of my life.&quot; With the press gone, Xi said this is the most important bilateral relationship in the world. He said that some (unnamed) political figures in the United States were making erroneous judgments by calling for a new cold war, this time between [[China–United States relations|China and the United States]]. Whether Xi meant to finger the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrats]], or some of us sitting on the US side of the table, I don't know, but Trump immediately assumed Xi meant the Democrats. Trump said approvingly that there was great hostility among the Democrats. He then, stunningly, turned the conversation to the [[2020 United States presidential election|coming US presidential election]], alluding to China's economic capability to affect the ongoing campaigns, pleading with Xi to ensure he'd win. He stressed the importance of farmers, and increased Chinese purchases of soybeans and wheat in the electoral outcome. I would print Trump's exact words, but the government's prepublication review process [[w:Censorship in the United States#Trump administration|has decided otherwise]].
** [[John Bolton]], ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon &amp; Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT202 p. 202] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}}

*Trump... though representing the most reactionary US government in recent memory, paradoxically has also led to an opening to challenge US power. The first reason is that he and his administration are much less disciplined about obscuring their true intentions behind insincere proclamations of benevolent motives. Whereas the George W. Bush administration in the run up to the Iraq War successfully manufactured consent amongst a large swath of the US public by scaring them over false claims about &quot;weapons of mass destruction,&quot; the Trump administration doesn't even hide the fact that its foreign policy is motivated by advancing the US economic interests.
**Peter Bolton of ''[[W:CounterPunch|CounterPunch]]'',  [https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/06/27/the-failed-venezuelan-coup-and-the-decline-of-us-hegemony/ ''The Failed Venezuelan Coup and the Decline of US Hegemony,''] (27 June 2019) 

* Trump is a fascist. And that's not a term I use loosely or often. But he's earned it.
** [[Max Boot]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-isnt-todays-wendell-willkie-hes-todays-benito-mussolini/2015/12/08/77c81b0c-9ddc-11e5-a3c5-c77f2cc5a43c_story.html ''Twitter''] (2015)

* Republican Party is dead. ... It has been killed by Donald Trump.
* Trump is an ignorant [[demagogue]] who traffics in [[racist]] and [[misogynistic]] slurs and [[crazy]] [[conspiracy theories]]. He champions protectionism and isolationism — the policies that brought us the [[Great Depression]] and [[World War II]]. He wants to undertake a police-state roundup of undocumented immigrants and to bar [[Muslims]] from coming to this country. He encourages his followers to assault protesters and threatens to sue or smear critics. He would abandon [[Japan]] and [[South Korea]] and break up the most successful [[alliance]] in [[history]] — {{w|NATO}}. But he has kind words for [[tyrant]]s such as [[Vladimir Putin]]. There has never been a major party nominee in U.S. history as unqualified for the presidency. The risk of Trump winning, however remote, represents the biggest national security threat that the United States faces today.
* I only know one thing for sure: I won't vote for Trump. My hope is that he will lose by a landslide, and the Republican Party will come to its senses, rejecting both his ugly, nativist populism and the extreme, holier-than-thou conservatism represented by [[Ted Cruz]].
** [[Max Boot]] {{Cite web|url=http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-boot-republicans-in-exile-20160508-story.html|title=The Republican Party is dead|date=May 8, 2016|website=latimes.com|publisher={{w|Los Angeles Times}}}}

* If an unapologetic {{w|ignoramus}} wins the presidency, the consequences will be no laughing matter.
* Donald J. Trump, a presidential candidate who truly is the know-nothing his Republican predecessors only pretended to be ... It is genuinely terrifying that someone who advances such offensive and ridiculous proposals could win the nomination of a party once led by [[Teddy Roosevelt]], who wrote more books than Mr. Trump has probably read. It's one thing to appeal to voters by pretending to be an average guy. It's another to be an average guy who doesn't know the first thing about governing or public policy. The Trump acolytes claim it doesn't matter; he can hire experts to advise him. But experts always disagree with one another and it is the president alone who must make the most difficult decisions in the world. That's not something he can do since he lacks the most basic grounding in the issues and is prey to fundamental misconceptions.
** [[Max Boot]] {{Cite web|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/01/opinion/how-the-stupid-party-created-donald-trump.html|title=How the ‘Stupid Party' Created Trump|date=August 2, 2016|website=nytimes.com|publisher={{w|The New York Times}}}}

* As media scramble to figure out Trump's evolving position on [[immigration]], remember he cares *only* about feeding his ego. Policy irrelevant.
** [[Max Boot]], [https://twitter.com/MaxBoot/status/767160352262029312 Twitter, August 20, 2016]

* The GOP base is clearly disgusted and looking for new leadership. Enter Donald Trump, not just with policy prescriptions that challenge the cynical GOP leadership but with an attitude of disdain for that leadership—precisely in line with the sentiment of the base. Many conservatives are relishing this, but ah, the rub. Trump might be the greatest charlatan of them all.
** L. Brent Bozell III, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''

* It was spring, four years ago. Donald and Ivana Trump were seated at opposite ends of their long Sheraton table in Mrs. Marjorie Merriweather Post's former dining room. They were posed in imperial style, as if they were a king and queen. They were at the height of their ride, and it was plenty glorious. Trump was seen on the news shows offering his services to negotiate with the Russians. There was talk that he might make a run for president. Ivana had had so much publicity that she now offered interviewers a press kit of flattering clips. Anything seemed possible, the Trumps had grown to such stature in the golden city of New York.
** [[w:Marie Brenner|Marie Brenner]], [https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner/amp &quot;After the Gold Rush&quot;] (1 September, 1990), ''Vanity Fair''

*The religious Right is the latest version of an old model of American politics, variously incarnated by Puritans, abolitionists, and William Jennings Bryan. It, like its predecessors, has argued that America and individual Americans need to have a godly or at least moral character to thrive. Now the religious Right adores [[w:Donald Trump|a thrice-married cad and casual liar]]. But it is not alone. Historians and psychologists of the martial virtues salute the bone-spurred draft-dodger whose Khe Sanh was not catching the clap. Cultural critics who deplored academic fads and slipshod aesthetics explicate a man who has never read a book, not even the ones he has signed. Followers of [[Harry Jaffa]], the most important Lincoln scholar of the last 60 years, rally round a Republican who does not know why the Civil War happened. Straussians, after leaving the cave, find themselves in Mar-a-Lago. Econocons put their money on a serial bankrupt.
**[[w:Richard Brookhiser|Richard Brookhiser]], [https://www.nationalreview.com/magazine/2018/02/17/william-f-buckley-trump-conservatism-needs-rebuilding/ &quot;WFB Today&quot;] (16 February 2018), ''National Review''

* Donald Trump betrays. It can start with Trump University, where Trump betrayed schoolteachers and others who dreamed of building a better life for themselves.
** [[David Brooks]], [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/04/opinion/donald-trump-the-great-betrayer.html?rref=opinion &quot;Donald Trump, the Great Betrayer&quot;] (4 March 2016), ''The New York Times''

* Donald Trump just has more courage. Whatever you might think of him, and I don't think much of him, but he has more courage than his opponents... He's a marketing genius who offers no substance. And people either got pushed into subprime loans by Trump Mortgage, or they got suckered into racking up huge credit card debt to buy courses on Trump University, and they were left high and dry when those things went belly up. And so that's a story that I think can be told. In a country which is feeling betrayed, he is a mass and serial betrayer... Given the numbers now, it's very hard to see he could win, given the huge numbers of Americans, the vast majority of Americans who say they could not support the guy. And I still find it hard to believe that somebody as policy-thin and as knowledge-thin would very well — he might be able to wear well with the electorate that we have.
** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-the-gop-push-to-stop-trump/ &quot;Shields and Brooks on the GOP push to stop Trump&quot;] (4 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour''

* Are we really here? Is this really happening? Is this America? Are we a great country talking about trying to straddle the world and create opportunity in this country? It's just mind-boggling. And we have sort of become acculturated, because this campaign has been so ugly. We have become acculturated to sleaze and unhappiness that you just want to shower from every 15 minutes. The Trump comparison of the looks of the wives, he does have, over the course of his life, a consistent misogynistic view of women as arm candy, as pieces of meat. It's a consistent attitude toward women which is the stuff of a diseased adolescent. And so we have seen a bit of that show up again. But if you go back over his past, calling into radio shows bragging about his affairs, talking about his sex life in public, he is childish in his immaturity. And his — even his misogyny is a childish misogyny. And that's why I do not think Republicans, standard Republicans, can say, yes, I'm going to vote for this guy because he's our nominee. He's of a different order than your normal candidate. And this whole week is just another reminder of that... The odd thing about his whole career and his whole language, his whole world view is there is no room for love in it. You get a sense of a man who received no love, can give no love, so his relationship with women, it has no love in it. It's trophy. And his relationship toward the world is one of competition and beating, and as if he's going to win by competition what other people get by love. And so you really are seeing someone who just has an odd psychology unleavened by kindness and charity, but where it's all winners and losers, beating and being beat. And that's part of the authoritarian personality, but it comes out in his attitude towards women.
** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-trump-cruz-wife-feud-isis-terror-in-brussels/ &quot;Shields and Brooks on Trump-Cruz wife feud, ISIS terror in Brussels&quot;] (25 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour''

* You need to be an outsider to be a change agent. There's only one person who can do that. And that is Donald Trump.
** {{w|Scott Brown}} endorsing Donald Trump, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/267988-brown-trump-is-the-agent-of-change-to-fix-washington &quot;Brown: Trump is the ‘agent of change' to fix Washington&quot;] by Elliot Smilowitz, ''The Hill'' (2 February 2016)

* Trump is sui generis, unlike any candidate of recent times. And his success is attributable not only to his stance on issues, but to his persona, his defiance of political correctness, his relish of political combat with all comers, his &quot;damn the torpedos&quot; charging in frontally where others refuse to tread...
** [[Pat Buchanan]] — [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/01/12/pat-buchanan-believes-donald-trump-is-the-future-of-the-republican-party/ &quot;Pat Buchanan says Donald Trump is the future of the Republican Party&quot;], ''The Washington Post'' (12 January 2016)

*When he looks at a glass, he is mesmerized by its reflection. If Donald Trump were shaped a little differently, he would compete for Miss America.
**[[William F. Buckley]], as quoted in [https://www.nationalreview.com/magazine/2018/02/17/william-f-buckley-trump-conservatism-needs-rebuilding/ &quot;WFB Today&quot;] (16 February 2018), by [[w:Richard Brookhiser|Richard Brookhiser]], ''National Review''

* I do not support Trump, and believe he would be a disastrous president and {{w|commander in chief}}.&lt;br&gt;Trump has no coherent [[organizing]] economic philosophy, spent decades acting like and supporting traditional [[liberal]] [[Democrats]], has repeatedly shifted his positions on major issues and has little more trust from economists than he has earned among the general electorate.&lt;br&gt;Trump is that he is a {{w|crony capitalist}}, who now states that he supported the Clintons and other liberals with donations for so long because he wanted to obtain influence with them while they were in [[power]]. He has led several businesses to [[bankruptcy]]. He has called himself the &quot;king of debt,&quot; a description that Johnson or Paul and other leading libertarians would never use to describe themselves. ... The viewpoints offered by Trump seem to change like the leaves that change their colors when summer gives way to fall. ... Can anyone suggest we know what Trump will believe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow?
** [[Brent Budowsky]], ''[http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/291092-why-libertarian-gary-johnson-must-be-included-in Why Libertarian Gary Johnson must be included in debates]'', ''[[w:The Hill (newspaper)|The Hill]]'' (August 11, 2016)

* He is his own art installation he is his own performance of himself, I don't know what else I can spin other than wonder, you know, who that 5-year old boy was and what his dad was telling him
** [[Bo Burnham]] on  [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbPxMsOKQ5o video (4:30)] (Writers Roundtable: [[John Krasinski]], Bo Burnham, [[Tamara Jenkins]], [[Peter Farrelly]], [[Eric Roth]] | Close Up) posted February 11, 2019

* The President bears responsibility for today’s events by promoting the unfounded conspiracy theories that have led to this point.  It is past time to accept the will of American voters and to allow our nation to move forward.
** Richard Burr, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/533034-richard-burr-says-trump-bears-responsibility-for-riot &quot;GOP senator says Trump 'bears responsibility' for Capitol riot&quot;] 7 January 2021 &lt;i&gt; The Hill &lt;/i&gt;

* And we, all of us, the Jews, helped them get there.
** [[Bradley Burston]], ''[http://www.haaretz.com/world-news/u-s-election-2016/1.752064 Trump's Win, the Greatest Victory for anti-Semitism in America Since 1941]'', ''{{w|Haaretz}}'' (10-11-2016)

* It’s difficult to say that the [[prosperity gospel]] itself led to Donald Trump’s inauguration. Again, only 17 percent of American Christians identify with it explicitly. It’s far more true, however, to say that the same cultural forces that led to the prosperity gospel’s proliferation in America — individualism, an affinity for ostentatious and charismatic leaders, the [[Protestant work ethic]], and a cultural obsession with the power of “positive thinking” — shape how we, as a nation, approach politics. 
** Tara Isabella Burton, [https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/9/1/15951874/prosperity-gospel-explained-why-joel-osteen-believes-prayer-can-make-you-rich-trump “The prosperity gospel, explained: Why Joel Osteen believes that prayer can make you rich”], ''Vox'', (Sep 1, 2017)

* '''He's an ass.'''
** [[George H. W. Bush]] in 2011 interviewed by [[Maureen Dowd]] of ''[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]'' ({{cite news |first=Maureen |last=Dowd |authorlink=Maureen Dowd |date=December 2, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |title=The Patrician President and the Reporterette: A Screwball Story |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/02/opinion/george-hw-bush-maureen-dowd.html |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]}}; {{cite news |url=https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/05/politics/presidents-club-trump-bush-funeral/index.html |agency=[[w:CNN|CNN]] |title=Uneasy presidents club convenes at Bush funeral |first1=Kevin |last1=Liptak |first2=Jeff |last2=Zeleny |authorlink2=w:Jeff Zeleny |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018}}; {{cite news |title=George W. Bush Eulogizes 'Best Father' at Solemn State Funeral |magazine=[[w:Fortune (magazine)|Fortune]] |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |agency=[[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg News]] |url=http://fortune.com/2018/12/05/george-hw-bush-eulogy-funeral/}}; {{cite news |title=George W. Bush Eulogizes ‘Best Father' at Solemn State Funeral |first=Jennifer |last=Epstein |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |agency=[[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg News]] |url=https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-12-05/trump-bush-family-set-aside-mutual-disdain-for-state-funeral}}; {{cite book |title=The Year of Voting Dangerously: The Derangement of American Politics |first=Maureen |last=Dowd |authorlink=Maureen Dowd |publisher=[[w:Grand Central Publishing|Grand Central Publishing]] |year=2016 |isbn=9781455539246}}; {{cite news |title=Trump breaks character in show of respect for George H.W. Bush |newspaper=[[w:Newsday|Newsday]] |first1=William |last1=Goldschlag |first2=Dan |last2=Janison |date=December 3, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |url=https://www.newsday.com/long-island/politics/trump-bush-mueller-china-nafta-1.24156908}})

* '''We've seen nationalism distorted into nativism – forgotten the dynamism that immigration has always brought to America. We see a fading confidence in the value of free markets and international trade – forgetting that conflict, instability, and poverty follow in the wake of protectionism.'''
** [[George W. Bush]], indirectly referencing Trump, [https://www.npr.org/2017/10/19/558788556/george-w-bush-slams-bigotry-politics-of-populism-that-led-to-trump-sanders &quot;George W. Bush Slams 'Bigotry,' Politics Of Populism That Led To Trump, Sanders&quot;], ''[[w:NPR|NPR]]'', (October 19, 2017)

* Whatever his views are this morning, they might change this afternoon, and they were different than they were last night, and they'll be different tomorrow. ... They seem to be ever, ever-changing, depending on what crowd he's in front of. Sounds like a typical politician, by the way, where you get in front of one crowd and say one thing, and then say something else to another crowd that may want to hear a different view. All the things that Donald Trump railed against, he seems to be morphing into — it's kind of disturbing. ... He doesn't believe in things, this is all a game.
** [[Jeb Bush]], about Trump's views — ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/jeb-bush-says-hes-not-buying-the-trump-immigration-shift?utm_term=.xtWW3bwaw#.iaPobDJKJ Jeb Bush Says He's Not Buying The Trump Immigration Shift]'', ''{{w|BuzzFeed}}'' (August 25, 2016)

*Donald Trump Is Bad for Israel via @NYTimes. Hopefully our President will reverse his decision to abandon Syria.
**[[Jeb Bush]] on [https://twitter.com/jebbush/status/1078111467558313984 26 December 2018]

* [[Donald Trump]] destroyed the Reagan Republican paradigm in 2016, but he didn’t exactly elucidate a new set of ideas, policies, and alliances. Trump’s devastation of the old order produced a grand struggle on the right to build a new one on Trumpian populist lines. &lt;br&gt;The NatCons are wrong to think there is a unified thing called “the left” that hates America. This is just the apocalyptic menace many of them had to invent in order to justify their decision to vote for Donald Trump. &lt;br&gt;They are wrong, too, to think there is a wokeist Anschluss taking over all the institutions of American life. For people who spend so much time railing about the evils of social media, they sure seem to spend an awful lot of their lives on [[Twitter]]. Ninety percent of their discourse is about the discourse. Anecdotalism was also rampant at the conference—generalizing from three anecdotes about people who got canceled to conclude that all of American life is a woke hellscape. They need to get out more. ** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/11/scary-future-american-right-national-conservatism-conference/620746/ The Terrifying Future of the American Right (18 November 2021), ''The Atlantic'']

=== C ===
[[File:Donald Trump supporters (25218962886).jpg|thumb|They love him in spite of everything they've heard. They love him, often, in spite of himself. They're not deluded. They know exactly who Trump is. They love him anyway. They love Donald Trump because no one else loves them. ~ [[Tucker Carlson]]]]

* Hillary is stealing America, whereas Donald Trump is trying to save our society.
** [[Herman Cain]], on &quot;{{w|Hannity}}&quot; (29 July 2016) [http://www.foxnews.com/transcript/2016/07/29/reince-priebus-reality-will-catch-up-with-hillary-clinton-gorka-dnc-has-been/ transcript]

*If this guy pretends that closing the borders to anywhere either for trade (or) for people is going to provide prosperity to the United States, he is completely crazy... He is not very well informed.
** [[w:Felipe Calderón|Felipe Calderón]], [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/02/08/mexico-wont-pay-single-cent-for-trumps-stupid-wall.html interview with CNBC] (6 February 2016).

* If he came to visit [[United Kingdom|our country]], I think he would unite us all against him.
** [[David Cameron]], as quoted in [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/01/18/politics/donald-trump-uk-united-kingdom-ban/index.html &quot;Donald Trump debate: Could UK really ban him?&quot;] (18 January 2016), by Max Foster, ''CNN'', [[Georgia (U.S. state)|Georgia]]: Cable News Network

* He's a talker, a boaster, a booster, a compulsive self-promoter. At times, he's a full-blown BS artist.
** [[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in ''[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-tucker-carlson-fox-news-liar-inauguration-election-a9222061.html Fox News host Tucker Carlson admits media is right about Trump's lying: 'He's a full-blown BS artist']'' by Conrad Duncan, 28 November 2019, ''{{w|The Independent}}''

* You can regularly say embarrassing things on television, you can hire [[w:Omarosa Manigault Newman|Omarosa]] to work at the White House. All of that will be forgiven if you protect your people. But if you do not protect them... then you’re done.
** [[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in ''[https://www.thedailybeast.com/tucker-carlson-blames-jared-kushner-for-trumps-protest-catastrophe Tucker Carlson Blames Jared Kushner for Trump’s Protest Catastrophe]'' by Justin Baragona, ''Daily Beast'' (June 1, 2020)

* Millions of Americans sincerely love Donald Trump. '''They love him in spite of everything they've heard. They love him, often, in spite of himself. They're not deluded. They know exactly who Trump is. They love him anyway. They love Donald Trump because no one else loves them.''' The country they built, the country their ancestors fought for over hundreds of years, has left them to die in unfashionable little towns, mocked and despised by the sneering halfwits with finance degrees -- but no actual skills -- who seem to run everything all of a sudden. Whatever Donald Trump's faults, he is better than the rest of the people in charge. At least he doesn't hate them for their weakness. Donald Trump, in other words, is and has always been a living indictment of the people who run this country. That was true four years ago when he came out of nowhere to win the presidency. And it's every bit as true right now, maybe even more true than it's ever been. It will remain true regardless of whether Donald Trump wins reelection.
**[[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in {{citation|date=November 2, 2020|first=Tucker|last=Carlson|periodical=Fox News|url=https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/tucker-carlson-2020-election-trump-supporters-love-him|title=Tucker Carlson: Why Donald Trump's supporters love him so much}}; {{citation|date=November 2, 2020|first=Christina|last=Zhao|periodical=Newsweek|url=https://www.newsweek.com/tucker-carlson-says-millions-americans-love-donald-trump-because-no-one-else-loves-them-1544219|title=Tucker Carlson Says Millions of Americans Love Donald Trump 'Because No One Else Loves Them'}}

* I've come to know Donald Trump, he is actually a very intelligent man who cares deeply about America.
** [[Ben Carson]] endorsing Donald Trump, as quoted in [http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/6994118/He-is-actually-a-very-intelligent-man-Former-candidate-Ben-Carson-endorses-Donald-Trump.html &quot;'He is actually a very intelligent man'; Former candidate Ben Carson endorses Donald Trump&quot;] by Alain Tolhurst, ''The Sun'' (11 March 2016)

* The American people are smart enough to pick a new administration if they don’t like the old one. And they just did.
* He was removed by the voters.
** Bruce Castor, lawyer for Trump, said after Trump lost the 2020 election, as quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-02-09
 | title = WATCH: Lawyer for Trump concedes he lost election during impeachment trial
 | newspaper = PBS News Hour
 | url = https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/watch-lawyer-for-trump-concedes-he-lost-election-during-impeachment-trial
}}

* Okay, look, this is weird. Because a lot of people on both sides are saying there's nothing funny about Trump being hospitalized with coronavirus. And those people are obviously wrong. There's a lot funny about this. Maybe not from a moral standpoint. But mathematically, if you were constructing a joke, this has all the ingredients you need. The problem is, it’s almost too funny. Like, it’s so on the nose. It would be like if I were making fun of people who wear belts and my pants just immediately fell down.
** [[Michael Che]] on ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'', October 3, 2020, quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/arts-entertainment/2020/10/04/snl-premiere-trump-covid-jim-carrey-joe-biden/ &quot;SNL premiere does not hold back on jokes about Trump’s coronavirus diagnosis: ‘It’s almost too funny’&quot;], ''The Washington Post''.

* [[Trump]] probably met discharge requirements Sunday
** [[w:Sean Conley|Dr Sean Conley]] (Physician to the President) via [https://www.cnbc.com/video/2020/10/05/dr-conley-trump-probably-met-discharge-requirements-sunday.html cnbc video]on October 5, 2020

*The myriad vulgarities of Donald Trump—examples of which are retailed daily on Web sites and front pages these days—are not news to those of us who have been living downwind of him for any period of time. I first encountered Trump more than 30 years ago. Back then he was a flashy go-getter from an outer borough eager to make his name in Manhattan real estate. Which he succeeded in doing in the only way he knew how: by putting his name in oversize type on anything he was associated with—buildings, yes, but also vodka, golf courses, starchy ties, and even a sham of a real-estate school... Just to drive him a little bit crazy, I took to referring to him as a &quot;short-fingered vulgarian&quot; in the pages of ''Spy'' magazine. That was more than a quarter of a century ago. To this day, I receive the occasional envelope from Trump. There is always a photo of him—generally a tear sheet from a magazine. On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to highlight the length of his fingers.
** {{w|Graydon Carter}}, [http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/10/graydon-carter-donald-trump &quot;Why Donald Trump Will Always Be a &quot;Short-Fingered Vulgarian&quot;], ''Vanity Fair'' (November 2015)

* I think I would choose Trump, which may surprise some of you, but the reason is Trump has proven already that he's completely malleable. I don't think he has any fixed opinions that he would really go to the White House and fight for. [[Ted Cruz]] is not malleable. He has {{w|far right-wing}} policies, in my opinion, that would be pursued aggressively if and when he would become president.
** [[Jimmy Carter]] to the {{w|House of Lords}}, when asked about the {{w|2016 United States presidential election}}. As quoted in ''[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jimmy-carter-i-would-choose-donald-trump-over-ted-cruz/ Jimmy Carter: I would choose Donald Trump over Ted Cruz]'' (February 3, 2016) by Stephanie Condon, ''{{w|CBS News}}''

* I think the media have been harder on Trump than any other president certainly that I’ve known about, I think they feel free to claim that Trump is mentally deranged and everything else without hesitation.
** [[Jimmy Carter]], as quoted in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/22/jimmy-carter-media-has-been-harder-trump-than-predecessors/788558001/ &quot;Jimmy Carter: The media has been harder on Trump than predecessors&quot;] by David Jackson, ''[[w:USA Today|USA Today]]'', (October 22, 2017)

*At times he is extremely abrasive. I know that's kind of his campaign, but I think time will tell, he's already locked up in some controversial business and it certainly doesn't speak proudly for America that the person who sits in the Oval Office is involved in controversy, so that's never a good thing, but time will tell, a man's legacy is defined by time.
** [[John Cena]], as quoted in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4642784/If-John-Cena-got-ring-Donald-Trump.html &quot;If John Cena 'got in the ring' with Donald Trump&quot;] by Alex Michael, ''[[w:Daily Mail|Daily Mail]]'' (27 June 2017)

*I can no longer in good conscience endorse this person for president. {{W|Donald Trump and Billy Bush recording|It}} is some of the most abhorrent and offensive comments that you can possibly imagine. My wife and I, we have a 15-year-old daughter, and if I can't look her in the eye and tell her these things, I can't endorse this person.
** {{w|Jason Chaffetz}} [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/10/08/jason_chaffetz_pulls_trump_endorsement_because_he_has_a_15_year_old_daughter.html Jason Chaffetz Pulls Trump Endorsement Because He Has a 15-Year-Old Daughter] (October 2016)

*We're all tying ourselves in knots about what Donald Trump said about Mexicans... Just as Dylann Roof doesn't represent white people, Mexican rapists don't represent anyone other than themselves either... While I like a good brawl as much as the next person, it seems that Trump is the answer only if the question is: Why can't we get more oafish egomaniacs into politics? Just when the Republican Party needs finesse and sensitivity when discussing immigration; just when it needs to focus on issues that unite all sectors of the electorate, including Hispanic and Asian voters; it gets a blowhard with all the nuance of a grenade... Trump's smear about Mexican immigrants was about as far away as you can get from Ronald Reagan... He tarred most Mexican immigrants as drug dealers, criminals, and rapists, allowing only as an afterthought that some may be good people. He claimed to have discussed the matter with border guards. Would those officers please step forward? In any case, crude and vulgar people always preen that they are brave truth tellers.
** {{w|Mona Charen}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/420974/donald-trump-immigration-controversy-helps-democrats &quot;The Trump Sideshow Plays Right into Democrats' Hands&quot;] (10 July 2015), ''{{w|National Review}}''

*Put aside for a moment Trump's countless past departures from conservative principle on defense, racial quotas, abortion, taxes, single-payer health care, and immigration. That's right. In 2012, he derided Mitt Romney for being too aggressive on the question, and he's made extensive use of illegal-immigrant labor in his serially bankrupt businesses. The man has demonstrated an emotional immaturity bordering on personality disorder, and it ought to disqualify him from being a mayor, to say nothing of a commander-in-chief. Trump has made a career out of egotism, while conservatism implies a certain modesty about government. The two cannot mix... When a con man swindles you, you can sue—as many embittered former Trump associates who thought themselves ill used have done. When you elect a con man, there's no recourse.
** {{w|Mona Charen}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}''.

*It seems, at times, as though your administration’s approach has more in common with Obama’s foreign policy than traditional Republican foreign policy.
** [[Dick Cheney]], speaking to Mike Pence, [https://www.politico.com/story/2019/03/11/cheney-mike-pence-foreign-policy-1216663 &quot;Cheney grills Pence on Trump's foreign policy&quot;], ''[[w:Politico|Politico]]'', (March 11, 2019)

* I don't believe that he should be playing a role in the future of the party or the country.
** [[Liz Cheney]], House GOP Conference Chair, R-Wyo., the third-ranking House Republican, as quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/awkward-moment-house-republican-leaders-clash-trump-speaking/story?id=76090236 &quot;Awkward moment as House Republican leaders clash over Trump speaking at CPAC&quot;], Benjamin Siegel, ABC News (24 February 2021)

[[File:Nuclear explosion.jpg|thumb| [President Trump]  is perfectly right when he says we should have better relations with [[Russia]]... at the Russian border, there are very extreme tensions, that could blow up anytime and lead to... a [[W:Nuclear holocaust|terminal nuclear war]], terminal for the species and life on Earth. We're very close to that... it's because [[NATO]] expanded after the collapse of the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]], in violation of... promises to [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], mostly under Clinton, partly under first Bush... those are all issues that should be of primary concern. The fate of... organized human society, even of the survival of the species, depends on this. How much attention is given to these things as compared with, you know, whether Trump lied about something? ~ Professor [[Noam Chomsky]]]]
*'''[President Trump] is perfectly right when he says we should have better relations with [[Russia]]'''. Being dragged through the mud for that is outlandish... Russia shouldn't refuse to deal with the United States because the U.S. carried out the worst crime of the century in the invasion of Iraq, much worse than anything Russia has done. But they shouldn't refuse to deal with us for that reason, and we shouldn't refuse to deal with them for whatever infractions they may have carried out, which certainly exist. This is just absurd. We have to move towards better—right '''at the Russian border, there are very extreme tensions, that could blow up anytime and lead to''' what would in fact be '''a [[W:Nuclear holocaust|terminal nuclear war]], terminal for the species and life on Earth. We're very close to that...''' First of all, we should do things to ameliorate it. Secondly, we should ask why. Well, '''it's because [[NATO]] expanded after the collapse of the Soviet Union, in violation of''' verbal '''promises to Mikhail Gorbachev, mostly under Clinton, partly under first Bush''', then Clinton expanded right to the Russian border, expanded further under Obama... '''The fate of... organized human society, even of the survival of the species, depends on this. How much attention is given to these things as compared with, you know, whether Trump lied about something?'''
** [[Noam Chomsky]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2018/7/27/noam_chomsky_on_mass_media_obsession ''Noam Chomsky on Mass Media Obsession with Russia &amp; the Stories Not Being Covered in the Trump Era''],  ''[[w:Democracy Now!|Democracy Now!]]'' (27 July 2018)

*The [[coronavirus]] is serious enough but it's worth recalling that there is a much greater horror approaching, we are racing to the edge of disaster, far worse than anything that's ever happened in human history.... [[Donald Trump]] &amp; his minions are in the lead, in racing to the abyss.  In fact there are two immense threats that we are facing...  the growing threat of [[Nuclear war|nuclear war,]] which has exacerbated it by the tearing what's left of the [[W:arms control|arms control regime]] and the other of course is the growing threat of [[global warming]]... If we're leaving our fate to [[w:sociopathic|sociopathic]] buffoons, we're finished... Trump is the worst, that's because of US power which is overwhelming.  We are talking about U.S. decline but you just look at the world, you don't see that when the U.S. imposes [[W:Economic sanctions|sanctions]], murderous, devastating sanctions, that's the only country that can do that, but everyone has to follow... they have to follow the master, or else they get kicked out of the [[Global financial system|international financial system]]...&lt;BR&gt;And back to the coronavirus, one of the most shocking harsh aspects of it, is the use of [[w:Economic sanctions|sanctions]], to maximize the pain, perfectly consciously, [[Iran]] is in a zone, enormous internal problems by the stranglehold of tightening  sanctions, which are consciously designed to make them suffer and suffer bitterly... The Crisis, the civilizational crisis of the West at this point is devastating... it does bring up childhood memories of listening to [[Hitler]] raving on the radio to raucous crowds... it makes you wonder if this species is even viable. 
** [[Noam Chomsky]]: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-N3In2rLI4 Coronavirus - What is at stake?] | [[W:Democracy in Europe Movement 2025|''Democracy in Europe Movement 2025'' (DiEM25)]] (Mar 28, 2020)

* The scale of [[Coronavirus pandemic|the plague]] is surprising, indeed shocking, but not its appearance. Nor the fact that [[2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States|the U.S.]] has the worst record in [[w:COVID-19 pandemic in the United States#Government responses|responding]] to the [[w:Health crisis|crisis]]. Scientists have been warning of a pandemic for years. [...] But scientific understanding is not enough. There has to be someone to pick up the ball and run with it. [...] There will be recovery from the COVID-19 crisis, at severe and possibly horrendous [[w:Impact of the COVID-19 pandemic|cost]], particularly for [[w:Social impact of the COVID-19 pandemic#Coronavirus and inequality|the poor and more vulnerable]]. But there will be no recovery from the [[w:Climate change in the Arctic|melting of the polar ice sheets]] and the other devastating [[w:Effects of global warming|consequences]] of [[global warming]]. [...] Trump has reacted during his years in office in the manner to which we have become accustomed: by defunding and dismantling every relevant part of government and assiduously implementing the instructions of his [[Corporatocracy|corporate masters]] to eliminate the [[regulation]]s that impede profits while saving lives — and leading the race to the abyss of {{w|environmental catastrophe}}, by far his greatest crime — in fact, the greatest crime in history when we consider the consequences. 
** [[Noam Chomsky]], in an interview with C.J. Polychroniou, ''[https://truthout.org/articles/chomsky-ventilator-shortage-exposes-the-cruelty-of-neoliberal-capitalism/ Chomsky: Ventilator Shortage Exposes the Cruelty of Neoliberal Capitalism]'' (April 1, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}''

* Trump was not silent, however. He issued a stream of confident [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States#President Trump|pronouncements]] informing the public that it was just a cough; he has everything under control; he gets a 10 out of 10 for his handling of the crisis; it’s very serious but he knew it was a pandemic before anyone else; and the rest of the sorry performance. The technique is well-designed, much like the practice of reeling out lies so fast that the very concept of truth vanishes. Whatever happens, Trump is sure to be vindicated among his loyal followers. When you shoot arrows at random, some are likely to hit the target. [...] This only skims the surface of [[Trumpian]] malevolence, but there's no space for more here. It is tempting to cast the blame on Trump for the disastrous response to the crisis. But if we hope to avert future catastrophes, we must look beyond him. Trump came to office in a sick society, afflicted by 40 years of neoliberalism, with still deeper roots.
** [[Noam Chomsky]], in an interview with C.J. Polychroniou, ''[https://truthout.org/articles/chomsky-ventilator-shortage-exposes-the-cruelty-of-neoliberal-capitalism/ Chomsky: Ventilator Shortage Exposes the Cruelty of Neoliberal Capitalism]'' (April 1, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}''

* Donald is a leader. He is a successful person that, like me, isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Our system is broken and it won't be fixed from the inside. I am proud to offer my endorsement of his candidacy for President.
** [[Chris Christie]], endorsing Donald Trump for President, at a campaign rally in Fort Worth, TX [http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2016/feb/26/us-election-2016-campaign-live-trump-rubio-cruz-super-tuesday-clinton-sanders] (2016)

*Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is Hitler. And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over.
*Trump is not your best. He's the worst of all of us. He's a symptom to a problem that is very real. But don't vote for your own cancer. You're better than that.
** [[Louis C.K.]] in an email to fans, quoted in [http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/louis-c-k-donald-trump-insane-bigot-dangerous-1201723679/ Louis C.K. Compares Donald Trump to Hitler: ‘He's an Insane Bigot']  (2016)

* A Trump supporter, a middle-aged woman, was asked how she felt about Trump's comments that being a celebrity meant women could expect him to grope their private parts. The woman said he would never have said it if Trump had known he was being recorded. That made me laugh.
** [[John Cleese]], as quoted in [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/john-cleese-how-donald-trump-is-stealing-comedians-best-lines-1030458 &quot;John Cleese on How Donald Trump Is Stealing Comedians' Best Lines&quot;] by Nick Holdsworth, ''[[w:The Hollywood Reporter|The Hollywood Reporter]]'', (August 17, 2017)

* Donald Trump has been uncommonly nice to [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] and me. We're all [[New York]]ers. And I like him. And I love playing golf with him.
** [[Bill Clinton]], as quoted in [http://www.salon.com/2012/06/04/bill_clinton_said_what/singleton/ &quot;Bill Clinton Said What?&quot;] (4 June 2012), ''Salon''

* '''He's a master brander, and he's the most interesting character out there. And...he says something that overrides the ideological differences. There is a macho appeal to saying, 'I'm just sick of nothing happening. I'll make things – vote for me.''''
** [[Bill Clinton]] on CBS '[[w:The Late Show with Stephen Colbert|Late Show]]' — {{citation
 | date = 2015-10-06
 | title = Bill Clinton to Stephen Colbert: Donald Trump Has a &quot;Macho Appeal&quot;
 | author = Ryan Gajewski
 | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter
 | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/bill-clinton-donald-trump-has-830195
}}

*Despite what you hear, we don't need to make America great again. America has never stopped being great. But we do need to make America whole again. Instead of building walls, we need to be tearing down barriers.
**[[Hillary Clinton]], [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-dem-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/02/hillary-clinton-donald-trump-slogan-219908 speech] (February 2016)

* We cannot let him roll the dice with America.
**[[Hillary Clinton]] during an election speech, as quoted on [https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2016/06/02/hillary-clinton-trump-cannot-let-roll-dice-america boston.com], 2 June 2016

* It is insufficient to state the obvious of Donald Trump: that he is a white man who would not be president were it not for this fact. With one immediate exception, Trump's predecessors made their way to high office through the passive power of whiteness—that bloody heirloom which cannot ensure mastery of all events but can conjure a tailwind for most of them. Land theft and human plunder cleared the grounds for Trump's forefathers and barred others from it. Once upon the field, these men became soldiers, statesmen, and scholars; held court in Paris; presided at Princeton; advanced into the Wilderness and then into the White House. Their individual triumphs made this exclusive party seem above America's founding sins, and it was forgotten that the former was in fact bound to the latter, that all their victories had transpired on cleared grounds. No such elegant detachment can be attributed to Donald Trump—a president who, more than any other, has made the awful inheritance explicit.
* Any empirical evaluation of the relationship between Trump and the white working class would reveal that one adjective in that phrase is doing more work than the other. In 2016, Trump enjoyed majority or plurality support among every economic branch of whites. It is true that his strongest support among whites came from those making $50,000 to $99,999. This would be something more than working-class in many nonwhite neighborhoods, but even if one accepts that branch as the working class, the difference between how various groups in this income bracket voted is revealing. Sixty-one percent of whites in this &quot;working class&quot; supported Trump. Only 24 percent of Hispanics and 11 percent of blacks did. Indeed, the plurality of all voters making less than $100,000 and the majority making less than $50,000 voted for the Democratic candidate. So when [George] Packer laments [in the ''New Yorker''] the fact that &quot;Democrats can no longer really claim to be the party of working people—not white ones, anyway,&quot; he commits a kind of category error. The real problem is that Democrats aren't the party of white people—working or otherwise. White workers are not divided by the fact of labor from other white demographics; they are divided from all other laborers by the fact of their whiteness.
* Obama himself, underestimating Trump and thus underestimating the power of whiteness, believed the Republican nominee too objectionable to actually win. In this Obama was, tragically, wrong. And so the most powerful country in the world has handed over all its affairs—the prosperity of its entire economy; the security of its 300 million citizens; the purity of its water, the viability of its air, the safety of its food; the future of its vast system of education; the soundness of its national highways, airways, and railways; the apocalyptic potential of its nuclear arsenal—to a carnival barker who introduced the phrase &quot;grab 'em by the pussy&quot; into the national lexicon. It is as if the white tribe united in demonstration to say, &quot;If a black man can be president, then any white man—no matter how fallen—can be president.&quot;
**[[Ta-Nehisi Coates]], [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/the-first-white-president-ta-nehisi-coates/537909/ &quot;The First White President,&quot;] The Atlantic, October 2017 issue.

* I would never trust him to follow the law. We're dealing with a dangerous egomaniac who has no control of himself, recognizes no limits, no bounds and does not recognize the constraints of law or anything else.
** {{W|Eliot A. Cohen}}, in [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/analysis-vengeful-world-donald-trump-why-it-matters-n671721 Analysis: The Vengeful World of Donald Trump, and Why It Matters], at NBC News; published October 31, 2016

*  [[Donald Trump]] never thought he was going to win this election, he actually did not want to win this election, this was supposed to be the greatest infomercial in the history of politics. If you take that line, and you add the to it the Trump a la Moscow project, you'll understand that this was a branding deal, that's all the presidential campaign started out as.. there only one problem, one problem, he won.
** [[Michael Cohen]] on the [[Rachel Maddow] Show on [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/cohen-trump-2016-campaign-was-just-a-branding-opportunity-91291717556  September 8, 2020]

* Apart from his wife and children, I knew Trump better than anyone else did. In some ways, I knew him better than even his family did because I bore witness to the real man, in strip clubs, shady business meetings, and in the unguarded moments when he revealed who he really was: a cheat, a liar, a fraud, a bully, a racist, a predator, a con man... He has no one he trusts to keep his secrets. For ten years, he certainly had me, and I was always there for him, and look what happened to me. I urge you to really consider that fact: Trump has no true friends. He has lived his entire life avoiding and evading taking responsibility for his actions. He crushed or cheated all who stood in his way, but I know where the skeletons are buried because I was the one who buried them
** Michael Cohen, as quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2020-08-13
 | title = Michael Cohen offers preview of tell-all Trump book: 'I know where the skeletons are buried'
 | author = Joseph A Wulfsohn
 | newspaper = Fox News
 | url = https://www.foxnews.com/politics/michael-cohen-trump-disloyal-skeletons
}}

*A warning label should be affixed to Trump's forehead.
**Richard Cohen, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/reince-priebus-fool/2016/05/16/decae58a-1b88-11e6-9c81-4be1c14fb8c8_story.html &quot;Reince Priebus, fool&quot;] (16 May 2016), ''The Washington Post'', Washington, D.C.

* I can't believe he's doing this to me. Donald pisses ice water.
** {{W|Roy Cohn}}, upon being ostracized by Trump for having contracted HIV. (from {{W|Wayne Barrett}}'s 1992 ''Trump: The Deals and the Downfall'', as quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/ralphbenko/2016/03/27/donald-trump-is-the-red-sanders-candidate-winning-isnt-everything-its-the-only-thing/#7c70fd80358c Donald Trump Is The 'Red' Sanders Candidate: 'Winning Isn't Everything; It's The Only Thing.'] at Forbes.com)

*A war crimes complaint has been filed against President Donald Trump, [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu]] and Trump adviser [[Jared Kushner]] in the [[International Criminal Court]] (ICC).... The complaint, filed by [[w:Middlesex University|Middlesex University]] law professor [[w:William Schabas|William Schabas]] on June 30 on behalf of four [[Palestinians]] who live in the [[w:West Bank|West Bank]], states “there is credible evidence” that Trump, Netanyahu and Kushner “are complicit in acts that may amount to [[war crimes]] relating to the transfer of populations into occupied territory and the annexation of the sovereign territory of the State of Palestine.” Under article 15 of the ICC’s [[w:Rome Statute|Rome Statute]], any individual, group or organization can bring a complaint to the Office of the Prosecutor. ... Schabas’ complaint comes on the heels of unusual moves last month from the Trump administration, which declared a “national emergency” in June in an effort to shield U.S. and Israeli officials from ICC accountability for war crimes and [[crimes against humanity]].
**[[Marjorie Cohn]]  in [https://truthout.org/articles/trump-is-trying-to-hide-us-and-israeli-war-crimes-by-attacking-the-icc/ ''Trump Is Trying to Hide US &amp; Israeli War Crimes by Attacking the International Criminal Court, TruthOut,''] (8 July 2020)
 
* There's a populism to Trump that I found very appealing. The party elders would like him to go away, but the people have decided that he is not going to... [T]here is something really hopeful about the fact that, well, 36 percent of the likely voters want him to win, so the people in the machine don't get to say otherwise.
** [[Stephen Colbert]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/stephen-colbert-donald-trump-very-appealing &quot;Colbert: Trump's populism 'very appealing'&quot;] by Bradford Richardson, ''The Hill'' (23 December 2015)

* [[w:John_Dickerson_(journalist)|John Dickerson]] has way too much dignity to trade insults with the President of the United States to his face. But I, sir, am no John Dickerson. Let me introduce you to something we call the [[w:Tiffany_Network|Tiffany Way]]. When you insult one member of the CBS family, you insult us all. Bazinga. All right. Here we go. All right. Mr. Trump, your presidency, I love your presidency, I call it &quot;Disgrace the Nation&quot;. You're not the POTUS, you're the BLOATUS. You're the glutton with the button. You're a regular Gorge Washington. You're the presi-dunce, but you're turning into a real prick-tator. Sir, you attract more skinheads than free [[w:Minoxidil|Rogaine]]. You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign-language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's cock holster. Your {{w|presidential library}} is going to be a kids' menu and a couple of {{w|Juggs}} magazines. The only thing smaller than your hands is your &quot;tax returns&quot; [holds up little finger] and you can take that any way you want.
** [[Stephen Colbert]], during his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaHwlSTqA7s opening monologue] of ''{{w|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert}}'', after showing a clip of Trump calling the CBS reporter part of the &quot;fake media&quot; and referring to [[w:Face the Nation|his show]] as &quot;Deface the Nation&quot;. The Trump-designated chairman of the FCC, {{w|Ajit Pai}}, has since stated he would investigate the comedian for broadcasting this material (1 May 2017)

* '''There once was a man in Nantucket&lt;br&gt;Whose poll numbers really did suck it;&lt;br&gt;At least he is not&lt;br&gt;That orange pol pot&lt;br&gt;Who ate all his meals from a bucket.'''
** [[Stephen Colbert]]; limerick from his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8qFuh-qNaE opening monologue] of ''{{w|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert}}'' of 25 November 2021, after reading about [[President Biden]]'s revival of his family's tradition of visiting Nantucket at Thanksgiving.

* Do you know how bad of a job you have to be doing to get fired while you're getting fired?
** Steve Colbert, quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-01-14
 | title = Late night hosts mock Trump's second impeachment: 'I wonder if he's tired of all the winning yet?'
 | author = Frank Pallotta
 | newspaper = CNN Business
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/14/media/late-night-trump-impeachment/index.html
}}

* Trump denied knowing that [[w:Serge Kovaleski|Serge]] (Kovaleski) was disabled, and demanded an apology, saying that anyone could see his imitation was of a flustered, frightened reporter, not a disabled person. It's true that Trump was not mimicking any mannerisms that Serge has. He doesn't jerk around or flail his arms. He's not retarded. He sits calmly, but if you look at his wrists, you'll see they are curved in. That's not the imitation Trump was doing—he was doing a standard retard, waving his arms and sounding stupid: &quot;'Ahhh, I don't know what I said—ahhh, I don't remember!' He's going, ‘Ahhh, I don't remember, maybe that's what I said!'&quot;
* There's nothing Trump can do that won't be forgiven, except change his immigration policies.
** ''In Trump We Trust'' [http://theslot.jezebel.com/ann-coulter-donald-trump-wasnt-mocking-reporters-disab-1785766218][http://www.nbcnews.com/card/real-quote-ann-coulters-new-book-n637676] (2016)

* Trump is an unreflective beneficiary of every sort of white privilege on offer, from his inherited fortune to his mass-media celebrity to his ability to lie with utter impunity about his career, his finances, and his easily documented record of public statements. If Barack Obama had committed but one of the transgressions Trump reveled in during his 2016 presidential run—deriding John McCain's war record, to take a comparatively minor instance—he would have suffered a torrent of righteous white moralizing that would have been unprecedented even in a country renowned for its righteous white moralizing. And if he'd been caught on tape bragging about a celebrity-enabled history of sexual assault—well, suffice it to say that it would have been a high-tech lynching on a scale that Clarence Thomas could scarcely begin to imagine.
**[[Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw]], ''[https://thebaffler.com/salvos/race-to-bottom-crenshaw Race to the Bottom: How the post-racial revolution became a whitewash]''

* President Trump doubled down Sunday on his push for the use of [[w:Antimalarial medications|an anti-malarial drug]] against the [[coronavirus]], issuing {{w|medical advice}} that goes well beyond scant evidence of the [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|drug’s effectiveness]] as well as the advice of doctors and {{w|public health}} experts. Mr. Trump’s recommendation of hydroxychloroquine, for the second day in a row at a White House briefing, was a striking example of his brazen willingness [[w:Veracity of statements by Donald Trump#Coronavirus pandemic|to distort and outright defy]] expert opinion and {{w|scientific evidence}} when it does not suit his [[w:Political agenda|agenda]].
** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''.

* Standing alongside two top public health officials who have declined to endorse his call for widely administering the drug, Mr. Trump suggested that he was speaking on gut instinct and acknowledged that he had no [[expertise]] on the subject. Saying that the drug is “being tested now,” Mr. Trump said that “there are some very strong, powerful signs” of its potential, although health experts say that the data is extremely limited and that more study of the drug’s effectiveness against the coronavirus is needed. [...] Mr. Trump, who once predicted that the virus might “miraculously” disappear by April because of warm weather, and who has [[Denial|rejected]] {{w|scientific consensus}} on issues like [[w:Environmental policy of the Donald Trump administration#Climate change|climate change]], was undaunted by [[skeptical]] questioning. “What do you have to lose?” Mr. Trump asked, for the second day in a row, saying that [[w:Terminal illness|terminally ill]] patients should be willing [[w:Terminal illness#Continued treatment|to try any treatment]] that has shown some promise.
** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''.

* Even as Mr. Trump has promoted the drug, which is also often prescribed for patients with {{w|lupus}}, it has created rifts within his own coronavirus task force. And while many [[w:Medical centers in the United States|hospitals]] have chosen to use hydroxychloroquine in a desperate attempt to treat dying patients who have few other options, others have noted that it carries [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#Side effects|serious risks]]. In particular, the drug can cause a {{w|heart arrhythmia}} that can lead to {{w|cardiac arrest}}.
** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''.

* Hydroxychloroquine has not been proved to work against Covid-19 in any significant clinical trials. A small trial by Chinese researchers made public last week found that it helped speed the recovery in moderately ill patients, but the study was not peer-reviewed and had significant limitations. Earlier reports from France and China have drawn criticism because they did not include control groups to compare treated patients with untreated ones, and researchers have called the reports anecdotal. Without controls, they said, it is impossible to determine whether the drugs worked. But Mr. Trump on Sunday dismissed the notion that doctors should wait for further study.
** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''.

* I have been pointing out, and I have been screaming to the rooftops, that Donald Trump is the Charlie Sheen of politics. [...] I have to tell you, I love Charlie Sheen, I loved working with him when he was sober, but he was, he's full of shit. He has been full of shit, you know, he has serious addiction. You know, his addiction is obviously serious, drugs, and, but, Trump is just addicted to feeling important. You know, and I think if anybody is under the delusion that he cares about, uh, uh, anybody in America besides himself, they are, they are stoned and need to rethink their priorities, 'cause he's, you know, 'cause it's just ridiculous that's he's gotten as far as he has. 
** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Cryer Jon Cryer] on the May 5, 2016, episode of the podcast Never Not Funny.

*When the voters examine Donald, they'll discover he actually embodies Washington corruption, the Washington deal-making that they're so angry about.
**[[Ted Cruz]], [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sen-ted-cruz-on-donald-trump-post-super-tuesday-strongest-campaign/ interview with Charlie Rose] (1 March 2016), ''CBS This Morning''

*People are asking themselves, 'How would we feel if our children came in repeating the words of the president of the United States if that president was Donald Trump?' And if it would embarrass you to have your children repeat the words of the president, that's not a good thing... A president should unify us, should appeal to our better angels, should appeal to our shared values that make America who we are.
** [[Ted Cruz]], [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ted-cruz-criticizes-donald-trump-a-president-should-not-embarrass-election-2016/ interview with John Dickerson] (March 2016), ''Face the Nation''

*It's not easy to tick me off... I don't get angry often. But you mess with my wife, you mess with my kids; that'll do it every time. Donald, you're a sniveling coward and leave Heidi the hell alone.
** [[Ted Cruz]], as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ted-cruz-bashes-sniveling-coward-donald-trump/ &quot;Cruz calls Trump &quot;sniveling coward&quot; and says 'leave Heidi the hell alone'&quot;] (24 March 2016), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News''

* Let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire [[w:Ratfucking|to copulate]] with him.
** [[Ted Cruz]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a43332/ted-cruz-donald-trump-rat-copulate/ Ted Cruz Will Do Anything for Love, But He Won't Do Rats] [25 March 2016], by Matt Miller, ''Esquire''

* The best thing to happen to politics in a long long time. I don't care what his actual positions are. I don't care if he says the wrong thing. He says what's on his mind. He gives honest answers rather than prepared answers. This is more important than anything any candidate has done in years.
** {{w|Mark Cuban}}, as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-27
 | title = Mark Cuban: Congrats, Donald: You're best thing to happen to politics in a long time
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Dallas Mavericks Blog
 | url = http://mavsblog.dallasnews.com/2015/07/mark-cuban-congrats-donald-youre-best-thing-to-happen-to-politics-in-a-long-time.html/
}}

==== Hillary Clinton, speech in Warren, Michigan (August 11, 2016) ====
:&lt;small&gt; Speech in {{w|Warren, Michigan}}. Transcript by ''{{w|Newsweek}}'' [http://www.newsweek.com/hillary-clinton-full-transcript-economic-speech-489602] (August 11, 2016) &lt;/small&gt;

* He's made a career out of stiffing small businesses from Atlantic City to Las Vegas. There are companies that were left hanging because he refused to pay their bills. A lot of those companies scraped together what the could [sic] to pay their employees, and many of them put their businesses at risk and some of them ended up taking bankruptcy. It wasn't because Trump couldn't pay them, it was because he wouldn't pay them.

* It's just not right that Donald Trump can ignore his debts, but students and families can't refinance their debt.

* Mr. Trump may talk a big game on trade, but his approach is based on fear, not strength. Fear that we can't compete with the rest of the world even when the rules are fair. Fear that our country has no choice but to hide behind walls.

* Let's remember where Trump makes many of his own products. Because it sure is not America. ... One positive thing Trump could do to make America great again is actually make great things in America again.

* Trump would roll back the tough rules that we have imposed on the Financial Industry. I'll do the opposite – I think we should strengthen those rules so that Wall Street can never wreck Main Street again.

* He called for a new tax loophole – let's call it the Trump Loophole – because it would allow him to pay less than half the current tax rate on income from many of his companies. He'd pay a lower rate than millions of middle class families.

* He's making a big promise. But his advisors have said, his own advisors have said, he may not stand by them. ... One of the differences between Donald Trump and me is I'm telling you what I will do, I'm laying out my plans, and I will stand by them, and I want you to hold me accountable for delivering results. This all reminds me of that old saying, ‘if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.'

* Guaranteeing equal pay won't just increase paychecks for women – it will boost family budgets and get incomes rising across the board.  And I don't understand why Trump's against that. Paid family leave won't only make life easier for Moms and Dads – it will also keep skilled, talented Americans in the workforce and grow our economy. That's why every other advanced country already has it. Again, he's against it. Raising the federal minimum wage won't just put more money in the pockets of low-income families – it also means they will spend more at the businesses in their neighborhoods. Trump's against that as well.

* Based on what we know from the Trump campaign, he wants America to work for him and his friends, at the expense of everyone else.

==== Hillary Clinton, speech in Reno, Nevada (August 25, 2016) ====
&lt;small&gt; Speech in {{w|Reno, Nevada}}. Transcript by ''[[w:Vox (website)|Vox]]'' [http://www.vox.com/2016/8/25/12647810/hillary-clinton-speech-alt-right] (August 25, 2016) &lt;/small&gt;

* Donald Trump has built his campaign on prejudice and paranoia. He's taking hate groups mainstream and helping a radical fringe take over one of America's two major political parties. His disregard for the values that make our country great is profoundly dangerous. In just the past week, under the guise of &quot;outreach&quot; to African Americans, Trump has stood up in front of largely white audiences and described black communities in insulting and ignorant terms.

* Donald Trump misses so much. He doesn't see the success of black leaders in every field… The vibrancy of [[w:African-American Businesses|black-owned businesses]]…Or the strength of the black church… He doesn't see the excellence of historically black colleges and universities or the pride of black parents watching their children thrive… And he certainly doesn't have any solutions to take on the reality of systemic racism and create more equity and opportunity in communities of color. It takes a lot of nerve to ask people he's ignored and mistreated for decades, &quot;What do you have to lose?&quot; The answer is everything!

* Trump's lack of knowledge or experience or solutions would be bad enough. But what he's doing here is more sinister. Trump is reinforcing harmful stereotypes and offering a dog whistle to his most hateful supporters. It's a disturbing preview of what kind of President he'd be.

* A man with a long history of racial discrimination, who traffics in dark conspiracy theories drawn from the pages of supermarket tabloids and the far reaches of the internet, should never run our government or command our military. If he doesn't respect respect all Americans, he can't serve all Americans! ... There's no other Donald Trump. This is it.

* Well, throughout his career and this campaign, Donald Trump has shown us exactly who he is. We should believe him. When Trump was getting his start in business, he was sued by the Justice Department for refusing to rent apartments to black and Latino tenants. Three years later, the Justice Department took Trump back to court because he hadn't changed. The pattern continued through the decades.

* Someone detached from reality should never be in charge of making decisions that are as real as they come.

* He'd abolish the bedrock constitutional principle that says if you're born in the United States, you're an American citizen. He says that children born in America to undocumented parents are, quote, &quot;anchor babies&quot; and should be deported. Millions of them.

* He'd ban Muslims around the world – 1.5 billion men, women, and children –from entering our country just because of their religion.

* Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, America has distinguished itself as a haven for people fleeing religious persecution. Under Donald Trump, America would distinguish itself as the only country in the world to impose a religious test at the border.

* Trump likes to say he only hires the &quot;best people.&quot; But he's had to fire so many campaign managers it's like an episode of the Apprentice.

=== D ===
* Donald Trump...is the last hope for America. I don't want nuance, I want bold colors: red, white, and blue... When I saw those guys on the boats on their knees, I mean, that sends a picture about America that I haven't seen ever before. And I think we need Donald Trump right now. The country needs him.
** {{w|Robert Davi}}, as quoted in [http://dailycaller.com/2016/01/14/die-hard-actor-robert-davi-donald-trump-is-the-last-hope-for-america-video/ &quot;‘Die Hard' Actor Robert Davi: Donald Trump Is The ‘Last Hope For America'&quot;] by Steve Guest, ''The Daily Caller'' (14 January 2016)

* Let's say five years ago, someone wanted to tell an end-of-the-world story. Governments have broken down, diplomacy has gone out the window, and lunatic nutbags are running things. If the storyteller wanted to provide a shorthand to establish how things could have possibly gone so wrong, all he would have to do is have a newscaster talking about &quot;President Trump.&quot; Because five years ago, the audience would have snorted and said, &quot;Well, sure, I totally believe that if this country was stupid enough to put Trump into office, then it makes sense that the entire world is falling apart.&quot;
**{{W|Peter David}}, [http://www.peterdavid.net/2017/08/04/freak-out-friday-august-4-2017/ Freak Out Friday], August 4 2017

* Loser of the year &lt;i&gt; German: &quot;Der Verlierer des Jahres &lt;/i&gt;
** Der Spiegel, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title=German magazine Der Spiegel names Trump 'Loser of the Year' | author= Celine Castronuovo | periodical=The Hill | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/media/529830-german-magazine-der-spiegel-names-trump-loser-of-the-year}}

* Trump has been said to have extended his initial 30-day deadline to four months
**Karen DeYoun of Washington Post, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/john-bolton-to-meet-with-turks-to-discuss-announced-us-withdrawal-from-syria/2019/01/04/30e39c92-1044-11e9-8938-5898adc28fa2_story.html 4 January 2019]

* The case for constitutional limited government is the case against Donald Trump. To the degree we take him at his word — understanding that Trump is a negotiator whose positions are often purposefully deceptive — what he advocates is a rejection of our Madisonian inheritance and an embrace of Barack Obama's authoritarianism. Trump assures voters that he will use authoritarian power for good, to help those who feel — with good reason — ignored by both parties. But the American experiment in self-government was the work of a generation that risked all to defeat a tyrannical monarch and establish a government of laws, not men. A government of the people, by the people, and for the people is precisely what the Constitution offers, and what is most threatened by &quot;great men&quot; impatient to impose their will on the nation. Conservatives should reject Trump's hollow, Euro-style identity politics.
**Ben Domenech, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* If your claim to fame is that you’ve taken money from other people and haven’t delivered what you promised, that doesn’t make you a genius businessman, that makes you a [[thief]].
**{{w|Kathy Duva}}, as quoted in [http://theboxingtribune.com/2017/01/19/donald-trump-was-awful-at-boxing-too/ &quot;Donald Trump was awful at boxing, too&quot;] by Paul Gagno, ''The Boxing Tribune'' (January 19, 2017)

=== E ===
	
*In his State of the Union address on February 6, 2019, Donald Trump said: ''...we condemn the brutality of the Maduro regime, whose socialist policies have turned that nation from being the wealthiest in South America into a state of abject poverty and despair.''  Trump’s ridiculous comment was not considered controversial, because the Western media, including the anti-Trump outlets like the New York Times, have spent many years conveying a lie: that Venezuela had been very prosperous and democratic until [[Hugo Chávez]], and then his successor [[Nicolás Maduro]], came along and ruined everything. If readers believe that, then they may indeed wonder, “Why shouldn’t the US government help Venezuelans return to that prosperous state?”
**[https://fair.org/home/the-media-myth-of-once-prosperous-and-democratic-venezuela-before-chavez/ The Media Myth of ‘Once Prosperous’ and Democratic Venezuela Before Chávez, Joe Emersberger and Justin Podur, ''Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting'' (FAIR),] (26 August 2021)

* People are looking for somebody who is outspoken and who isn't afraid. And [Trump] seems to have kind of a fearless attitude.
** [[Clint Eastwood]], as quoted in [http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/clint-eastwood-praises-trump/2015/12/25/id/707110/ &quot;Clint Eastwood Praises Trump, Carson: 'Really Good People'&quot;] by Todd Beamon, ''Newsmax'' (25 December 2015)

* I'd have to go for Trump ... you know, [because] [[Hillary Clinton|she]]'s declared that she's gonna follow in [President] Obama's footsteps. I mean, it's a tough voice to listen to for four years. It could be a tough one. If she's just gonna follow what we've been doing, then I wouldn't be for her. She's made a lot of dough out of a being a politician. I gave up dough to be a politician. I'm sure that [former President] Ronald Reagan gave up dough to be a politician. ... [Trump]'s onto something, because secretly everybody's getting tired of political correctness, kissing up. That's the kiss-ass generation we're in right now. We're really in a p-ssy generation.
** [[Clint Eastwood]], interview with ''Esquire'' as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/290324-clint-eastwood-id-have-to-go-for-trump-over-clinton &quot;Clint Eastwood: 'I'd have to go for Trump' over Clinton&quot;] by Mark Hensch, ''The Hill'' (3 August 2016)

*The only thing that I can say about President Trump is that he is the only person who, in 2009 when I served a lot of subpoenas on a lot of people, or at least gave notice to some pretty connected people, that I want to talk to them, is the only person who picked up the phone and said, let's just talk.  I'll give you as much time as you want.  I'll tell you what you need to know, and was very helpful, in the information that he gave, and gave no indication whatsoever that he was involved in anything untoward whatsoever, but had good information.  That checked out and that helped us and we didn't have to take a deposition of him in 2009.
**Bradley Edwards (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) in December 2018, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit] 

* (Said in 2016) [Narcissistic] idiot,bully, [and someone who] really cannot be trusted to be consistent or accurate in anything
** [[w:Jenna Ellis|Jenna Ellis]], senior legal adviser to the Trump 2020 campaign and the president, [https://www.axios.com/jenna-ellis-trump-adviser-87cebdba-a44f-4bbb-bdc3-3e044e76b746.html constitutional law attorney] and former law professor from Colorado according to [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lawyer-jenna-ellis-idiot-campaign-b1731162.htmlTrump’s lawyer once called him an ‘idiot’ who ‘really cannot be trusted’ to tell truth] published November 18, 2020

*I will not be voting for Donald Trump in the primary. I take my conservatism seriously, and I also take Saint Paul seriously. In setting out the qualifications for overseers, or bishops, Saint Paul admonished Timothy... We should not put a new conservative in charge of conservatism or the country, so that he does not become puffed up with conceit and fall into condemnation. Republicans have wandered in the wilderness already by letting leaders define conservatism in their own image. Donald Trump needs more time and more testing of his new conservative convictions.
**Erick Erickson, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''

*Hitler is not Hillary Clinton either. The neo-nazis and white supremacists backing Donald Trump fetishize Hitler too. Trump dog whistles to them.
**Erick Erickson, [http://theresurgent.com/republicans-for-hitler/ &quot;Republicans for Hitler&quot;] (17 May 2016), ''The Resurgent''

=== F ===
* I was trying to let science guide our policy, but he was putting as much stock in anecdotal things that turned out not to be true as he was in what scientists like myself were saying. That caused unnecessary and uncomfortable conflict where I had to essentially correct what he was saying, and put me at great odds with his people.
** [[Anthony Fauci | Dr. Anthony Fauci]], the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, as quoted in [https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/dr-fauci-says-trump-would-do-terrible-things-anytime-he-disagreed-with-him-publicly/ &quot;Dr Fauci Says Trump Would Do ‘Terrible Things’ Anytime He Disagreed With Him Publicly&quot;], Cameron Frew, Unila, 20 February 2021.

* Trump is Hillary Clinton's Christmas gift wrapped up under a tree.
**[[Carly Fiorina]], [http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/09/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-conspiracy/index.html ''Twitter''] (8 December 2015)

*I think Trump says a lot of things that are crazy... [repeating what a 10-year-old girl said] Trump's a moron.
**[[Carly Fiorina]], as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/carly-fiorina-repeats-girl-donald-trumps-moron/story?id=36327939 &quot;Carly Fiorina Repeats After Girl: 'Donald Trump's a Moron'&quot;] (16 January 2016), by Ben Gittleson, ''{{w|ABC News}}''

*He reminds me of [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]].
**{{w|Vicente Fox}}, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/26/politics/vicente-fox-donald-trump-hitler/index.html interview with Anderson Cooper] (February 2016)

* Most amateur diagnosticians have mislabeled President Trump with the diagnosis of [[w:Narcissistic personality disorder|narcissistic personality disorder]]. I wrote the criteria that define this disorder, and Mr. Trump doesn't meet them. He may be a world-class [[narcissism|narcissist]], but this doesn't make him mentally ill, because he does not suffer from the distress and impairment required to diagnose mental disorder.
:Mr. Trump causes severe distress rather than experiencing it and has been richly rewarded, rather than punished, for his grandiosity, self-absorption and lack of [[empathy]]. It is a stigmatizing insult to the mentally ill (who are mostly well behaved and well meaning) to be lumped with Mr. Trump (who is neither).
:* [[w:Allen Frances|Allen Frances]], [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/14/opinion/an-eminent-psychiatrist-demurs-on-trumps-mental-state.html?_r=0 &quot;An Eminent Psychiatrist Demurs on Trump's Mental State,&quot;] [[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]], February 14, 2017.

*A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not of building bridges, is not Christian. This is not the gospel... I say only that this man is not Christian if he has said things like that. We must see if he said things in that way and I will give him the benefit of the doubt.
**[[Pope Francis]], as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/pope-francis-trump-is-not-christian/ &quot;Pope Francis: Donald Trump 'is not Christian'&quot;] (18 February 2016), by Rebecca Kaplan, ''{{w|CBS News}}''

*I was wrong. Weeks ago I said on a number of radio interviews that while I opposed Trump in the primary, I'd back him if he won the GOP nomination. I hadn't yet seen, or had been unwilling to believe, the full extent of his contempt for the truth, his fondness for far-left conspiracy theories, and his sheer malice. When I saw Trump in full, my decision was easy. Never Trump... I cannot abide the notion of voting for a man whose 'war strategy' is a child-killing war crime.
**David French, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/432237/donald-trump-why-i-cant-vote-trump-nevertrump &quot;Why I Changed My Mind and Joined the #NeverTrump Movement&quot;] (2 March 2016), ''National Review''

*There is an Ivy League grad who has spent most of his life in [[New York City|Manhattan]], where he is chauffeured around in limousines. He frequently brags to strangers about his massive personal wealth. In public statements, he has advocated government healthcare, a woman's right to an abortion, an assault weapons ban, and paying off the national debt by forcing rich people to forfeit 14.25 percent of their total wealth. When the man married his third wife, he invited Bill and Hillary Clinton to the wedding, and he has given many thousands to their political campaigns and their foundation. He's donated many thousands more that helped elect Democrats to the Senate and the House. And George W. Bush was &quot;maybe the worst president in the history of this country,&quot; the man said in 2008. &quot;He was so incompetent, so bad, so evil.&quot; On paper, this is not someone you'd expect to excel in the 2016 Republican Party primary. But Donald Trump is excelling. Thanks to his celebrity, a few epic flip-flops, and his willingness to pander to the most xenophobic element of the GOP's base, the real-estate developer and reality-TV star is polling near the top of the field.
**Conor Friedersdorf, [http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/07/donald-trump-running-for-president/398345/ &quot;Donald Trump Is No Conservative&quot;] (13 July 2015), ''The Atlantic''

=== G ===
* Donald Trump is a serial liar.
** Neal Gabler, [http://www.salon.com/2016/05/15/donald_trump_is_a_serial_liar_more_upsetting_is_that_no_one_seems_to_care_partner/ &quot;Donald Trump is a serial liar. More upsetting is that no one seems to care&quot;] (15 May 2016), ''Salon''

* We thought about it when we made the movie! Are you kidding? You watch Part II again and there's a scene where Marty confronts Biff in his office and there's a huge portrait of Biff on the wall behind Biff, and there's one moment where Biff kind of stands up and he takes exactly the same pose as the portrait? Yeah.
**[[w:Bob Gale|Bob Gale]], [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/10/21/how-back-to-the-future-predicted-trump.html ‘Back to the Future' Writer: Biff Tannen Is Based on Donald Trump], The Daily Beast (October 15, 2015)

*Donald Trump rightly criticized the [[w:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Khan]] parents. Clearly, Trump does not oppose Muslim soldiers serving in the military. Nonsense. Trump opposes Muslim immigration from jihad-hot regions. We know Islamic terror groups are plotting attacks on the West and using the migration to import their soldiers.
** [[Pamela Geller]], ''[http://pamelageller.com/2016/07/dnc-mainstream-medias-new-spox-muslim-parents.html/ DNC, Mainstream Media's New SPOX — Muslim Parents of Fallen Soldier WHO OPPOSE TRUMP BUT NOT JIHAD TERROR @chucktodd @meetthepress]'' (July 31, 2016)

*I remain a skeptic about Donald Trump. Trump fans look at us skeptics with incredulity that we could possibly object to their man... Yet I see people comparing Trump to Reagan. Donald Trump has been a conservative for about ten minutes.
**[[Jim Geraghty]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty &quot;The Corner&quot;], ''National Review''

* @realdonaldtrump you are full of shit!
**Chrysler executive {{W|Ralph Gilles}}
**[http://jalopnik.com/5956093/chrysler-exec-calls-donald-trump-full-of-shit-on-twitter Chrysler Exec Calls Donald Trump &quot;Full Of Shit&quot; On Twitter], at {{W|Jalopnik}} (2012)

* [W]e have to learn something from history here. [[Fascism]] begins with the rhetoric of dehumanization, humiliation, and [[wiktionary:reification#Noun|reification]], right? It starts with the language of brutality, which it normalizes. It legitimates hatred and racism and violence. It views certain groups through rhetoric as enemies of the American people. It operates off of the rhetoric of war, anti-intellectualism, and white supremacy. It operates off of the language of disposability. That language doesn’t just simply normalize increasingly the notions of white nationalism, white supremacy, racism, and [[xenophobia]]; it also enacts policies and it creates a culture of utter stupidity, a culture of ignorance. And, unfortunately, it functions so as to enable violence against groups labeled as dangerous, other, excess, and a threat to the whitewashed notion of citizenship.&lt;br /&gt;With respect to the latter, when people can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction, they can’t tell the difference between good and evil. They can’t recognize a crime when they see one or what lawlessness looks like. All standards of truth go out the window. It’s a very dangerous moment because it means that people become more susceptible to [[demagogue]]s, to people like Trump, and I think that the media has played an enormous role in creating a [[wiktionary:formative#Adjective|formative]] culture that at its worst legitimates and at its best enables what we see happening in the United States today. 
** [[Henry Giroux]], ''[https://mediaforus.org/interviews/2019/8/12/henrygiroux Henry Giroux on His Latest Book — The Terror of the Unforeseen — and How Neoliberal Capitalism Sets the Stage for Fascism]'' (August 19, 2019), ''Media For Us'' interview.

*President Trump made history Sunday when he became the first sitting U.S. president to step foot in North Korea. Trump was there to visit North Korean leader Kim Jong-un at the military demarcation line at the Korean Demilitarized Zone. Kim then invited Trump to cross the line, which has divided North and South Korea since 1953. Trump then took about 20 steps into North Korea. Following the meeting at the DMZ, Trump and Kim held a three-way gathering with South Korean President Moon Jae-in. Sunday marked Trump and Kim's first meeting since nuclear talks broke down in February... It appears another round of nuclear talks could begin in the coming weeks.  
**[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/7/1/trump_kim_jong_un_dmz_meeting ''Trump Makes History by Walking into North Korea. Could This Help to Finally End the Korean War?'' DemocracyNow!] (1 July 2019)

*As a party, we are better to risk losing without Donald Trump than trying to win with him. Enough already with Mister Trump.
**[[Lindsey Graham]], [http://www.examiner.com/article/lindsey-graham-better-for-a-democrat-to-win-the-white-house-than-donald-trump ''Twitter'' post] (August 2015)

* If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed.......and we will deserve it.
** [[Lindsey Graham]], [https://twitter.com/lindseygrahamsc/status/727604522156228608 ''Twitter'' post],  (May 2016)

*Ku Klux Klan leader [[David Duke]] told radio show listeners that {{'}}Jewish tribal nature{{'}} is to blame for the media's harsh treatment of Trump and compared Jews to {{'}}a pack of wild dogs.{{'}} The white supremacist is a vocal supporter of Trump.
**Shanika Gunaratna, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/neo-nazis-tag-jews-on-twitter-harassment-hate-speech-politics/ &quot;Neo-Nazis Tag Jews on Twitter: Harassment, Hate Speech, Politics&quot;] (10 June 2016), ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc.

*Last week, the New York Times reported that the FBI, in 2017, launched an investigation of President Trump &quot;to consider whether the president's own actions constituted a possible threat to national security&quot; and specifically &quot;whether he had been working on behalf of Russia against American interests.&quot; ...As usual – this melodrama was accomplished by steadfastly ignoring the now-standard, always-buried paragraph pointing out the boring fact that no actual evidence of guilt has yet emerged.
*The FBI's counterintelligence investigation of Trump is far from the first time that the FBI has monitored, surveilled and investigated U.S. elected officials.... It is not difficult to understand what is so ominous and even tyrannical about the FBI investigating domestic political figures whose loyalties they regard as &quot;suspicious,&quot; and whose political career they regard as a &quot;national security threat,&quot; simply because those politicians express policy positions about U.S. adversaries that the FBI dislikes... If a politician adopts policy views...  which is unduly accommodating to America's adversaries or &quot;enemies,&quot; that's not a crime and the FBI thus has no business using its vast investigative powers against...[them]...the FBI investigation... clearly based, at least in part, on the FBI's disagreements with Trump's foreign policy views and the agency's assessment that such policies fail to safeguard &quot;U.S. interests&quot; as the FBI defines them.
** [[Glenn Greenwald]], [https://theintercept.com/2019/01/14/the-fbis-investigation-of-trump-as-a-national-security-threat-is-itself-a-serious-danger-but-j-edgar-hoover-pioneered-the-tactic/  The FBI's Investigation of Trump as a &quot;National Security Threat&quot; is Itself a Serious Danger. But J. Edgar Hoover Pioneered the Tactic] ''[[w:The Intercept|The Intercept]]'' (14  January 2019)

[[File:Richard Nixon presidential portrait.jpg|thumb|As you can imagine, [Pat] is an expert on politics and she predicts whenever you decide to run for office you will be a winner! ~ [[Richard Nixon]]]]

[[File:Jimmy Carter (cropped).jpg|thumb|I think the media have been harder on Trump than any other president certainly that I’ve known about, I think they feel free to claim that Trump is mentally deranged and everything else without hesitation. ~ [[Jimmy Carter]]]]

[[File:George H. W. Bush presidential portrait (cropped).jpg|thumb|He's an ass. ~ [[George H. W. Bush]]]]

[[File:Bill Clinton.jpg|thumb|He's a master brander, and he's the most interesting character out there. And...he says something that overrides the ideological differences. There is a macho appeal to saying, 'I'm just sick of nothing happening. I'll make things – vote for me.' ~ [[Bill Clinton]]]]

[[File:George-W-Bush.jpeg|thumb|We've seen nationalism distorted into nativism – forgotten the dynamism that immigration has always brought to America. We see a fading confidence in the value of free markets and international trade – forgetting that conflict, instability, and poverty follow in the wake of protectionism. ~ [[George W. Bush]]]]

[[File:Official portrait of Barack Obama.jpg|thumb|We're shocked that somebody would be saying these things. We're shocked that somebody is fanning anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-Muslim sentiment. We're shocked! We're shocked that somebody could be loose with the facts. Or distort someone's record -- shocked... This is the guy, remember, who was sure that I was born in Kenya. Who just wouldn't let it go. And all this same Republican establishment, they weren't saying nothing. As long as it was directed at me, they were fine with it. They thought it was a hoot. Wanted to get his endorsement... What is happening in this primary is just a distillation of what's been happening inside their party for more than a decade. ~ [[Barack Obama]]]]

=== H ===
* When I tell you I’m angry, it’s an understatement. [[Mike Pence|Mike]] has been nothing but loyal to that [[Trump|man]]. He’s been nothing but a good friend of that man... I am so disappointed in the fact that [despite] the [[loyalty]] and [[friendship]] he had with Mike Pence, that he would do that to him. Like, I’m disgusted by it.
** [[Nikki Haley]] in [https://www.politico.com/interactives/2021/magazine-nikki-haleys-choice/ Nikki Haley’s Time for Choosing The 2024 hopeful can’t decide] February 12, 2021

* I think he could be a great leader, because he's inspiring a lot of people, and especially people, including me, who are tired of Republicans being weak. I'm so sick of it.
** [[Sean Hannity]] — {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-30
 | title = Hannity on Trump: 'That Boldness Needs to Be There If Republicans Want to Win'
 | newspaper = Fox News Insider
 | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/30/sean-hannity-donald-trump-boldness-needs-be-there-if-republicans-want-win
}}

*The conservative president we desperately need requires a paradoxical combination of boldness and restraint. The president will need to be bold in challenging the runaway power and reach of his own branch, against the fury of the bureaucracy itself, its client groups, and the media. This boldness is necessary to restore the restraint that a republican executive should have in our constitutional order. Trump exhibits no awareness of this supreme constitutional task.
**Steven F. Hayward, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''

*Donald Trump is the result of a long process of political, cultural and social decay. He is a product of our failed democracy. The longer we perpetuate the fiction that we live in a functioning democracy, that Trump and the political mutations around him are somehow an aberrant deviation that can be vanquished in the next election, the more we will hurtle toward tyranny. The problem is not Trump. It is a political system, dominated by corporate power and the mandarins of the two major political parties, in which we don’t count. We will wrest back political control by dismantling the corporate state, and this means massive and sustained civil disobedience, like that demonstrated by teachers around the country this year... &lt;BR&gt;As a foreign correspondent I covered collapsed societies... It is impossible for any doomed population to grasp how fragile the decayed financial, social and political system is on the eve of implosion. All the harbingers of collapse are visible... We suffer the usual pathologies of impending death. I would be happy to be wrong. But I have seen this before. I know the warning signs. All I can say is get ready. 
**[[Chris Hedges]] in [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2018/05/21/coming-collapse The Coming Collapse], [[w:Common Dreams|''Common Dreams'']], (21 May 2018) 

*He doesn't know the Constitution, history, law, political philosophy, nuclear strategy, diplomacy, defense, economics beyond real estate, or even, despite his low-level-mafioso comportment, how ordinary people live. But trumping all this is a greater flaw presented as his chief strength. Governing a great nation in parlous times is far more than making &quot;deals.&quot; Compared with the weight of the office he seeks, his deals are microscopic in scale, and as he faced far deeper complexities he would lead the country into continual Russian roulette. If despite his poor judgment he could engage talented advisers, as they presented him with contending and fateful options the buck would stop with a man who simply grasps anything that floats by. Following Obama's, a Trump presidency would be yet more adventure [[tourism]] for a formerly serious republic.
**Mark Helprin, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''

* What bitch is Donald Trump hanging his dick inside of today?
** {{w|Doug Henderson}}, guitarist/singer/lyricist of {{w|Spongehead}} in the song &quot;Nothing&quot; from ''[[w:Curn Your Dogma|Curb Your Dogma]]'' (Triple X Records, 1993)

* There’s no question that America would be better off if the president would resign or be removed from office.  If that’s going to happen or how that should happen, I don’t know.  But we need leadership right now, and we need to stop all of this craziness.
** Larry Hogan, Republican Governor, as quoted in [https://www.baltimoresun.com/politics/bs-md-pol-hogan-capitol-20210107-7gjx3ksoqrhmrixhqr7zz2byom-story.html &quot;Maryland Gov. Hogan: ‘America would be better off’ if Trump resigns or is removed from office&quot;], 7 January 2021, &lt;i&gt; The Baltimore Sun &lt;/i&gt; 

* &lt;p&gt;Trump undermines the free press because he wants to be the only ''legitimate'' source of information in society. He lies all the time to break down the processes by which we discern the truth about the world around us, and compile the observations and facts which make up the tapestry of reality. He has exposed the paper-thin vulnerability of our democratic society, which depends mightily on observing social norms—like yielding to shame—and a shared acceptance of some common set of truths.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The American president is determined to bulldoze this architecture of social structures, and usher in an era where force, not deliberation and cooperation, determines the path our society will take. If he never acknowledges any truth besides his own, he never has to do anything outside his own direct interests. He does not have to actually respond to any kind of criticism, or ever reconsider his course of action. Relentless lying, after all, is a form of coercion, in which you bend others to your will by forcing them to accept the infrastructure of your false reality—or to give up caring whether anything is true or false in the first place. Don't believe your eyes and ears. Everybody was cheering for me.&lt;/p&gt;
** Jack Holmes, Politics editor at Esquire.com, [https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a27718993/donald-trump-press-conference-theresa-may-thousands-protesters/ &quot;Donald Trump's Press Conference With Theresa May Would Not Be Complete Without an Assault on Truth&quot;], Esquire.com (June 4, 2019)

* Donald Trump regularly incites political [[violence]] and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and {{w|birther}} who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.
** Note appended to every article about Trump published by {{W|the Huffington Post}} as of January 2016, but removed after Trump's presidential victory.
**[http://www.politico.com/blogs/on-media/2016/01/huffpost-to-publish-anti-trump-kicker-with-all-trump-coverage-218345 HuffPost to publish anti-Trump kicker with all Trump coverage], at {{W|Politico}}, published January 28, 2016

* [The]  [[w:General Services Administration|agency]]'s ability to manage the [[Trump|former President]]'s [[conflicts of interest]] during his term in office when he was effectively on both sides of the [[contract]], as [[landlord]] and [[tenant]]
**  [[w:House Oversight Committee|House Oversight Committee]] &quot;[ https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/08/politics/trump-hotel-dc/index.html  Trump DC hotel incurred more than $70 million in losses while Trump was president, documents show]&quot; (October 8, 2021)

*Casting the Trump administration's credibility gap into sharp relief, allies like Japan and Germany have demanded more &quot;credible&quot; evidence to support the U.S. claim.  While President Donald Trump and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo have been unequivocal in their assertion that Iran was responsible for the attacks on two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman last week, some of America's closest allies are demanding more proof.  &lt;BR&gt;Both Japan and Germany have requested more concrete evidence... Jeremy Corbyn, Britain's opposition leader, said more &quot;credible evidence&quot; was needed to support Trump's allegation....  According to ''The New York Times'', other European leaders have also been hesitant to lay the blame on Iran ― a doubt fueled in part by their &quot;distrust of the Trump administration and its hawkish policy toward Tehran,&quot; the paper said. 
**[[w:Huffington Post|Huffington Post]], [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-administration-allies-iran-tanker-pompeo_n_5d072ea3e4b0985c419ff17d   ''Pompeo Claims There's ‘No Doubt' Iran Attacked Tankers, But U.S. Allies Want Proof, Huffington Post,'' Dominique Mosbergen]   (17 June 2019)

=== J ===

* Mr. Trump has crossed the line. More than one line. Captain Khan died in battle trying valiantly to save others. There is no place for criticism, stated or implied, of this brave soldier. He served our country. He is buried in Arlington National Cemetery along with those of many ethnic backgrounds and religious denominations. They served our country. Mr. Trump did not. Criticizing Mrs. Khan for not speaking on stage is vile beyond words. No Gold Star Mother should ever be treated like that. Mr. Trump, you owe Mrs. Khan and all Gold Star families a huge apology.
** {{w|Jewish War Veterans of the United States of America}}, about Trump's statements on the [[Khizr and Ghazala Khan|Khan family]] ''[http://www.jwv.org/content/press_release/jewish_war_veterans_condemns_remarks_of_donald_trump Jewish War Veterans Condemns Remarks of Donald Trump]'' (2016)

*Of course, I recognize the president’s unique relationship with the press and how it compares with past presidents. I am curious myself how it will impact the future, if at all. But the tension between the press and the president is nothing new. President Trump expresses it more frequently and more … colorfully than others.
**[[Weijia Jiang]], as quoted in in [https://asiasociety.org/blog/asia/cbs-news-weijia-jiang-newsroom-diversity-covid-19-racism-and-covering-president-trump &quot;CBS News' Weijia Jiang on Newsroom Diversity, COVID-19 Racism, and Covering President Trump&quot; in ''Asia Society'' (27 May 2020)]

* The problem is, I know Trump, so my [[optimism]] has been squashed like a baby bird ... Everything bad I had to say about him, I said to his face. ... I think he's very good, very compelling on that show [''Celebrity Apprentice''] ... I really like him because of his absence of filters. I really like the glimpse we get into the human [[heart]] we get when someone loses their filters ... &quot;[[Thelonious Monk|A genius is the one most like himself.]]&quot; In a really weird way, Donald Trump has achieved that. If he weren't running for president, you'd be seeing essays from me about how much I learned from Donald Trump and how much I loved being on the show ... I'm feeling so, so, so guilty, because I feel like, along with millions of other people, I played right into this. The [[cynicism]] of the Clintons, the careful, tightrope walk of all politicians, forced me, as an atheist, to get down on my knees and [[pray]] that someone would come along with some kind of [[authenticity]]. Well, [[God|someone]] called my bluff, goddamn it. ... The stuff [Trump] is saying on immigration, the stuff he saying on [[torture]], the stuff he is saying on [[war]], is absolutely unforgivable ... He is coming out directly against the Statue of Liberty. I'm a pure and utter peacenik. I want a president who sings the praises of people, sings the praises of [[peace]] and sings the praises of working together for a great country ... [[Abraham Lincoln]] wouldn't have laughed about waterboarding ... I want a president that is [[kinder]], [[smarter]] and more measured than me. ... I disagree with [[Hillary Clinton]] on just about everything there is to disagree with a person about. If it comes down to Trump and Hillary, I will put a Hillary Clinton sticker on my fucking car. ...  Someone who is paying [[attention]] can do the same thing that Trump is doing with [[hate]], and do it with [[love]], and become president ... That's kind of beautiful. There's nothing more optimistic than that. ... Donald Trump does, when it comes right down to it, fuck up everything ... He fucks up his casinos. He fucks up his buildings.... Maybe he'll fuck up his campaign before he fucks up the country.
** [[Penn Jillette]], as quoted in [http://www.newsweek.com/penn-jillette-terrified-president-trump-431837 &quot;Why Penn Jillette is Terrified of a President Trump&quot; by Grant Burningham, in ''Newsweek'' (1 March 2016)]

* The only reason I wouldn't go to some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump.
** [[Boris Johnson]], as quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/boris-johnson/12039931/Boris-Johnson-The-only-reason-I-wouldnt-visit-some-parts-of-New-York-is-the-real-risk-of-meeting-Donald-Trump.html Boris Johnson: 'The only reason I wouldn't visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump'] by Helena Horton, ''[[w:The Telegraph|The Telegraph]]'' (8 December 2015)

* Donald Trump's a pussy.
**[[Gary Johnson]], in [http://www.kob.com/albuquerque-news/gary-johnson-calls-donald-trump-pussy-at-libertarian-debate/4064122/#.VuDZG5wrLqY U.S. Libertarian Party debate] (2016)

=== K ===
*I'm rooting for him to do well for the same reason I root for a pilot on my airplane to do well.
**{{W|John Kasich}}, [http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/332198-kasich-i-dont-know-what-im-going-to-do-in-2020 Kasich: ‘I don't know what I'm going to do' in 2020], ''The Hill'', May 6 2017

* The Trump phenomenon is better understood as an amalgam of three different, largely pathological strains in [[American history quotes|American history]] and [[culture]]... The first and perhaps most obvious strain is hostility toward immigrants... In the 1850s, the American Party, labeled the 'Know-Nothings' by its opponents, accused Irish and German Catholics of being agents of the pope and a threat... Later in the century, white workers on the Pacific coast led a mass campaign against Chinese newcomers, whom they blamed for undercutting wages... Federal lawmakers affirmed their bigotry by excluding any Chinese laborers... In the 1920s, fears of Slavs, Jews, Italians, and others suspected of being hostile to America's white 'Nordic' heritage persuaded Congress to impose quotas that all but banned immigrants... Trump's attacks on 'rapists and murderers' crossing the southern border and on potential Muslim terrorists jetting across the Atlantic belong to this long and ignominious tradition.
** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing &quot;Trump in Context&quot;] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent''

* His vow to 'Make America Great Again' lacks any explanation of what or who made it so wonderful before. Searching his website for clues turns up no proposals that might credibly bring about a national revival, unless one believes that a simplified tax code and a stern crackdown on illegal immigration amount to a sufficient blueprint for major change.
** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing &quot;Trump in Context&quot;] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent''

* The allure of Trump's candidacy and the dread it provokes at home and abroad stem from the same impulses, which run deep in U.S. political culture. A rich man whose name is familiar to everyone bashes people whom many citizens either fear or mistrust and makes vague promises to fix whatever ails the nation. And he does all this with a smirk, a threat, and yet also with a yearning for respect, even from those he routinely assaults in speeches. Trump probably will not be elected president, and it would be a disaster if he was. But his act is hardly as novel as he, and many of his fans and his critics, believe. After he leaves the stage, another wealthy performer with a talent for bombast and no political record to defend may well take his place.
** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing &quot;Trump in Context&quot;] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent''

* Trump is no true conservative. He's not even a reactionary in the best sense of the word. He's a self-aggrandizing opportunist. His policies go no further than his catchphrase, 'you're fired'. Listening to his first television ad is like a preview for a bad movie; an empty supercut of the highlights, or lowlights, without the plot being revealed because it's so thin. Trump is no everyman. He built his empire with $100 million from his wealthy father. Far from born into working or middle class, Trump never struggled a day in his life except by his own failings in business and the resulting repeated bankruptcies. His privileged background enabled him to make money off money; not exactly high on the hierarchy of middle-class values. As for being incorruptible, Trump gave big to politicians. He admitted that was meant to buy favors. His policy positions are similarly ephemeral; he supported the Big Government policies of Democrats and slippery values of the Clintons when it suited him. Steadfast, he is not.
** Sean Kennedy, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/07/opinions/kennedy-donald-trump/index.html &quot;Donald Trump must be destroyed&quot;] (8 January 2016), ''CNN'', Georgia: Cable News Network

* Donald Trump is convincingly playing the role of a pandering demagogue. He seeks to stir up a passionate reaction that serves the purposes of his ambition. America's founders repeatedly warned against such demagoguery, because it sets people up for tyranny. Given his background, it's advisable to assume Donald Trump is being used by the enemies of rightful liberty to lead otherwise sincerely conservative people down a blind canyon into the withering fire of their elitist foes... Given this track record, before following Trump's lead, shouldn't people sincerely anxious to restore America's constitutional liberty carefully examine the nature of his purported advocacy? With much fanfare, Trump is being attacked by his erstwhile elitist faction buddies. But has he attacked them for treacherous betrayal of the security and sovereignty of the American people?
** [[Alan Keyes]], [http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/is-donald-the-elitist-factions-trump/#edXLUkSiiwg8yZ3j.99 &quot;Is Donald the Elitist Faction's Trump?&quot;] (16 July 2015), ''WND''

* Every president lies at some point, for diplomatic or national security reasons or to sell a policy. But Trump is not known for one big lie — just a constant stream of exaggerated, invented, inconsistent, dubious and false claims. In the nine years I have run The Fact Checker, I have never encountered a politician so cavalier about the facts, so unconcerned with accuracy, so willing to attack people for made-up reasons and so determined to falsely depict his achievements.
** Glenn Kessler, editor and chief writer of The Washington Post Fact Checker, in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/06/02/fact-checking-donald-trump-essential-american-politics-column/5301135002/ Fact-checking Trump: He's on a dangerous path that must be documented and discouraged (June 2, 2020)]

* Donald Trump has asked why I did not speak at the Democratic convention. He said he would like to hear from me. Here is my answer to Donald Trump: Because without saying a thing, all the world, all America, felt my pain. I am a Gold Star mother. Whoever saw me felt me in their heart.
* Donald Trump said I had nothing to say. I do. My son Humayun Khan, an Army captain, died 12 years ago in Iraq. He loved America, where we moved when he was 2 years old. He had volunteered to help his country, signing up for the ROTC at the University of Virginia. This was before the attack of Sept. 11, 2001. He didn't have to do this, but he wanted to. 
* I cannot walk into a room with pictures of Humayun. For all these years, I haven't been able to clean the closet where his things are — I had to ask my daughter-in-law to do it. Walking onto the convention stage, with a huge picture of my son behind me, I could hardly control myself. What mother could? Donald Trump has children whom he loves. Does he really need to wonder why I did not speak?
* Donald Trump said that maybe I wasn't allowed to say anything. That is not true. My husband asked me if I wanted to speak, but I told him I could not. My religion teaches me that all human beings are equal in God's eyes. Husband and wife are part of each other; you should love and respect each other so you can take care of the family. When Donald Trump is talking about Islam, he is ignorant. If he studied the real Islam and Koran, all the ideas he gets from terrorists would change, because terrorism is a different religion. Donald Trump said he has made a lot of sacrifices. He doesn't know what the word sacrifice means.
** [[Ghazala Khan]], mother of fallen U.S. Army Captain [[w:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun S. M. Khan]]. ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/ghazala-khan-donald-trump-criticized-my-silence-he-knows-nothing-about-true-sacrifice/2016/07/31/c46e52ec-571c-11e6-831d-0324760ca856_story.html Ghazala Khan: Trump criticized my silence. He knows nothing about true sacrifice.]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (July 31, 2016)

* Muslims are American, Muslims are [[citizens]], Muslims participate in the well-being of this country as American citizens. We are proud American citizens. It's the values of this country that brought us here, not our religion. Trump's position on these issues do not represent those values.
** Khizr M. Khan in an interview with ''{{w|Vocativ}}''. [http://www.vocativ.com/259159/the-father-of-a-muslim-war-hero-has-this-to-say-to-donald-trump/] (December 08, 2015)

* If it was up to Donald Trump, he never would have been in America. Donald Trump consistently smears the character of Muslims. He disrespects other minorities, women, [[judges]], even his own party leadership. He vows to build walls and ban us from this country. Donald Trump, you are asking Americans to [[trust]] you with our [[future]]. Let me ask you: Have you even read the U.S. Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy. In this document, look for the words &quot;liberty&quot; and &quot;equal protection of law.&quot; Have you ever been to {{w|Arlington Cemetery}}? Go look at the graves of the brave [[patriots]] who died defending America — you will see all faiths, genders, and ethnicities. You have sacrificed nothing and no one. We can't solve our problems by building walls and sowing division. We are Stronger Together.
** [[Khizr M. Khan]], speech during the final day of the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}} in [[Philadelphia]]. [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/dnc-2016-khizr-khan-donald-trump-read-full-transcript-father-muslim-soldier-a7161616.html] (29 July 2016)

* His policies, his practices, do not reflect that he has any understanding of the basic, fundamental [[constitutional]] [[principles]] of this country, what makes this country [[exceptional]], what makes this country exceptional in the [[history]] of the mankind. There are principles of equal [[dignity]], principle of liberty. He talks about excluding people, [[disrespecting]] judges, the entire judicial system, immigrants, Muslim immigrants. These are divisive rhetoric that is totally against the basic constitutional principle. If you read the Constitution, you will either deliberately would be violating those principles or you have not read. That is why I have watched whole ear and rest of the world has watched, and the [[love]] and affection and support that we have received after my statement, at every corner of the street, at every place. The [[affection]], the support, the love that I have received, that we continue to receive is a testament that he is talking about [[ignorance]]. He is not fully aware of these principles.
* Two things are absolutely necessary in any [[leader]] or any person that aspires, wishes, to be a leader. That is [[moral]] compass and second is [[empathy]]. This candidate is void of both traits that are necessary for the stewardship of this country.
* I do not believe his whole year-long rhetoric, division, excluding people, talking about them derogatorily, has prepared him. He promised to the Republican leadership that he will change his manner, he will not be as ignorant as he had been. But he had continued. Those two traits of moral compass and empathy are absolutely necessary for the leader of a free world leader of nation like United States.
* This candidate for [[presidency]] to not be aware of the respect of a gold star mother standing there, and he had to take that shot at her, this is height of ignorance. This is why I showed him that Constitution. Had he read that, he would know what status a gold star mother holds in that nation. This country holds such a person in the highest regard. And he has no [[knowledge]], no awareness. That is height of his ignorance. She is ill. She had high blood pressure. People that know her, looked at her face, and she said, &quot;I may fall off the stage.&quot; And I told her that, you have to assemble yourself and stand for the [[beauty]] of this tribute that is being paid. This person is total incapable of empathy. I want his [[family]] to counsel him, teach him some empathy. He will be a better person if he could become -- but he is a black soul. And this is totally unfit for the leadership of this beautiful country, the love and affection that we have received affirms that our beliefs, our experience in this country had been correct and positive. The world is receiving us like we have never seen. They have seen the blackness of his character, of his [[soul]], that he is void of recognizing, empathizing with people.
** [[Khizr M. Khan]], on an interview with {{w|CNN}} about Donald Trump saying that Khan's wife didn't speak because she was forbidden. [http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/07/31/cnn-khizr-khan-shreds-trumps-height-ignorance-response-his-democratic-convention-speech/212039] (July 31, 2016)

* I have exactly the same rights as he does. He had been abusing, disrespecting women, judges, all decent Americans. He had been so abusive of them. I exercise exactly the same rights. That, again, proves his ignorance. He wants to have one set of rights for himself, and he wants to have another set of rights for others. No, somebody should tell him that there is equal dignity, equal protection of law in this country. That is why that Constitution came to play. I keep that in my pocket, because I cherish this document. I wish somebody would read it to him. Certain fundamental values that enshrine in this document.
* Donald Trump needs to sit with his advisers and portray to this world that he is empathetic. You solve the problems with empathy, putting people together. There are bad people among us, but there are good people among us, as well. You gather good people to get rid of bad people, but you do not malign the whole religion -- the whole culture.
* We are the solution to the dealing with the terrorism in the United States. Join hands with good Muslims. Only war is not the solution. It is one of the solutions. Communities coming together is the solution. We are as concerned as Donald Trump is about the safety of this country. We are testament to the goodness of this country. We need to stop fighting with one another, but we need a leader that will unite us, not disrespect, not by derogatory remarks. I feel bad about the discourse that this campaign -- this election campaign has taken. We need to join hands. We have a very serious problem of this for the safety of the citizens of this country. We are solution. Look, the treatment of Muslims in France and other places, there is much worse security issues than United States does.
** [[Khizr M. Khan]], in an interview in ''New Day'' on CNN Monday [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1608/01/nday.03.html] (August 1, 2016)

* When a person becomes Commander-in- Chief, president, you are president and Commander-in-Chief of everybody that has supported you and that has not supported you.
** [[Khizr M. Khan]], in an interview in ''{{w|Anderson Cooper 360°}}'' [http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1608/02/acd.02.html Transcript] (August 2, 2016)

* But, far from making remarks of any persuasive power that can be viewed to be helpful to defusing tension, he made unprecedented rude nonsense one has never heard from any of his predecessors. A frightened dog barks louder. [...] He is unfit to hold the prerogative of supreme command of a country, and he is surely a rogue and a gangster fond of playing with fire, rather than a politician. [...] Action is the best option in treating the dotard who, hard of hearing, is uttering only what he wants to say. [...] I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard with fire.
** [[Kim Jong-un]], quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-22 |title=Trump Is A Rogue And Gangster Playing With Fire- North Korean Leader, Kim Jong |author=Seun Oyedele |periodical=Odua Voice |url=https://www.oduavoice.com/2017/09/22/trump-is-a-rogue-and-gangster-playing-with-fire-north-korean-leader-kim-jong/}}

* Donald Trump is a [[fascist]]. ... Not in the sense of an all-purpose [[bad]] guy, but in the sense of somebody who sincerely believes that the toxic combination of strong [[government]] and strong [[corporations]] should run the [[nation]] and the [[world]]. He spent his previous career negotiating with the government on behalf of corporations; now he has switched teams. But it's the same game.
** [[Michael Kinsley]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-is-actually-a-fascist/2016/12/09/e193a2b6-bd77-11e6-94ac-3d324840106c_story.html?utm_term=.6aa47d53b2b7 Donald Trump is actually a fascist]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 9, 2016)

* If instead of having ten fingers, I had ten combs for fingers, I'd love to meet Donald Trump, just so I could run my fingers through his hair.
** {{citation
 | author = Jarod Kintz
 | date = 2011-05-18
 | title = This Book is Not For Sale
}}

* We want every vote counted, yes every legal vote (of course). But, if you have legit concerns about fraud present EVIDENCE and take it to court.  &lt;b&gt;STOP Spreading debunked misinformation... This is getting insane. &lt;/b&gt;
** Adam Kinzinger, Republican Congress member (2020-11-06) to Donald Trump about the 2020 election, &lt;i&gt;[https://twitter.com/RepKinzinger/status/1324503564891414528 Tweet] &lt;/i&gt;

* Yesterday, it became evident that not only has the president abdicated his duty to protect the people and the people’s house, he invoked and inflamed passions that only gave fuel to the insurrection that we saw here. When pressed to move and denounce the violence, he barely did so while of course victimizing himself and seeming to give a wink and a nod to those doing it.  All indications are that the president has become unmoored, not just from his duty or even his oath but reality, itself. It is for this reason that I call on the vice president and members of the Cabinet to ensure the next few weeks are safe for the American people and that we have a sane captain of the ship.  
** Adam Kinzinger, quoted by {{citation
 | author = Rick Pearson, Lisa Donovan
 | date = 2020-01-07
 | title = Republican US Rep. Adam Kinzinger calls for 25th Amendment to remove President Trump from office
 | url = https://www.chicagotribune.com/politics/ct-adam-kinzinger-trump-calls-for-invoking-25th-amendment-20210107-ldf2chdunbecbo6ry6uino4dpq-story.html
}}

* The worst president the USA ever had. He was a liar and a charlatan. And he was a man with a most fragile ego I ever met.
** Adam Kinzinger, quoted by {{citation
 | author = Bradley Cortright
 | date = 2022-02-07
 | title = Kinzinger Ramps Up Criticism of Trump: I Will Tell My Son He Was the 'Worst President'
 | url = https://ijr.com/kinzinger-ramps-criticism-trump-will-tell-son-worst-president/
}}

* I have spent my life building bridges and tearing down barriers — not building walls. That’s why I find Donald Trump’s belief that an American-born judge of Mexican descent is incapable of fairly presiding over his case is not only dead wrong, it is un-American. As the Presidential campaign progressed, I was hoping the rhetoric would tone down and reflect a campaign that was inclusive, thoughtful and principled. While I oppose the Democratic nominee, Donald Trump’s latest statements, in context with past attacks on Hispanics, women and the disabled like me, make it certain that I cannot and will not support my party’s nominee for President regardless of the political impact on my candidacy or the Republican Party. It is absolutely essential that we are guided by a commander-in-chief with a responsible and proper temperament, discretion and judgment. Our President must be fit to command the most powerful military the world has ever seen, including an arsenal of thousands of nuclear weapons. After much consideration, I have concluded that Donald Trump has not demonstrated the temperament necessary to assume the greatest office in the world.
** [[Mark Kirk]], quoted in ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20160608015204/http://chicago.suntimes.com/news/sen-mark-kirk-withdraws-support-for-trump/ Sen. Mark Kirk withdraws support for Trump]'' by Lynn Sweet, 7 June 2016, ''{{w|Chicago Sun-Times}}''.

* Donald Trump — a political neophyte, a New York loudmouth who plays fast and loose with the truth, a massive [[egotism|egotist]] and a not altogether pleasant human being — has delivered conservatives one of the greatest years in living memory and has made our government more [[morality|moral]] in the process. The left and many on the right didn't see it coming because they [[hate]] the man. And because they didn't see it coming, they won't see that it's come.
** [[Andrew Klavan]], &quot;[https://pjmedia.com/andrewklavan/trump-has-made-our-government-more-moral/ Trump Has Made Our Government More Moral]&quot;, ''PJ Media'' (December 15, 2017)

* President Trump has violated many of the norms and [[w:Law of the United States|laws]] on which our democracy depends. He circumvents [[United States Congress|Congress]] [[w:National Emergency Concerning the Southern Border of the United States|by declaring the “crisis” at the border a national emergency]]. He orders his staff to ignore {{w|subpoena}}s. He uses his presidential status to enhance his [[w:Trump family|family]]’s wealth. He demands absolute loyalty from his appointees. He treats truth like a despot and jokes with [[Vladimir Putin]] about his “[[w:Fake news#Usage of the term by Donald Trump|fake news]]” problem. He boasts about [[w:Donald Trump sexual misconduct allegations|his misogyny]] and [[Racial views of Donald Trump|spews racist insults]]. Trump is not a [[despot]]. But neither were [[Mussolini]] and [[Hitler]] early on. No [[w:Blackshirts|black]] or {{w|brown shirts}} march in our streets. President Trump’s enablers wear white shirts and black robes. They are unified. Democrats are not.
** [[Claudia Koonz]], ''[https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/173030 Autocrats do not need a majority to destroy democracy. A divided opposition helps them.]'' (September 15, 2019), ''{{w|History News Network}}''.

* Look, Trump has been elected, he will be our president and he has the right to choose conservatives. But instead of turning to the many principled Republicans available, he seems drawn to hotheads and [[bigots]], embarrassing himself and our nation.
** [[Nicholas D. Kristof]], ''[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/20/opinion/sunday/so-many-options-yet-donald-trump-picks-the-ugly.html Trump Embarrasses Himself and Our Country]'', ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (November 19, 2016)

*Isn't Donald Trump the very epitome of vulgarity? In sum... Isn't Trumpism a two-bit Caesarism of a kind that American conservatives have always disdained? Isn't the task of conservatives today to stand athwart Trumpism, yelling Stop?
** [[Bill Kristol|William Kristol]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* What do African-Americans have to lose, asks Donald Trump.
** [[Paul Krugman]], about the comments of Trump on African Americans in the United States. [https://twitter.com/paulkrugman/status/766985736843165696 Twitter, August 20, 2016]

=== L ===

* There is nothing like a common adversary to make people recognize what they have in common. Once there was consensus that civility, compassion, immigration, equal opportunity and foreign allies were good; that racism, misogyny, discrimination, voter suppression and foreign autocrats were bad; that respect for the U.S. military, intelligence community, political leaders, science, the Constitution and the rule of law was a given; that the American promise was based on good faith, compromise and checks and balances; and that presidents should be role models.
** {{citation |date=2020-10-19 |title=Trump’s COVID-19 Misinformation Since Testing Positive | author= Jill Lawren | periodical=USA Today | url=https://usatoday.com/story/opinion/voices/2020/10/19/never-trump-conservatives-for-biden-patriots-role-models-column/3696503001/}}

* On January 20, 2017, Donald John Trump became president, unskilled in the machinery of government and unmoved morally by the calling of the position, but aglow in his unmatched power. The first three years of Trump's term revealed a presidency of one, in which the universal value was loyalty- not to the country, but to the president himself. Scandal, bluster, and uninhibited chaos reigned. Decisions were driven by a reflexive logic of self-preservation and self-aggrandizement. Delusions born of narcissism and insecurity overtook reality.
** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 1

* The year 2020 will be remembered in the American epoch as one of anguish and abject failure. The coronavirus pandemic killed more than half a million people in the United States and infected tens of millions more, the deadliest health crisis in a century. Through the administration's Operation Warp Speed helped produce vaccines in record time, its overall coronavirus response was mismanaged by the president and marred by ineptitude and backbiting. The virus was only one of the crises Trump confronted in 2020. The pandemic paralyzed the economy, plunging the nation into a recession during which low-wage workers, many of them minorities, suffered the most. The May 25 killing of George Floyd, a Black man, under the knee of a white police officer ignited protests for racial justice and an end to police discrimination and brutality. Yet Trump sought to exploit the simmering divisions for personal political gain, quickly declared himself &quot;your president of law and order&quot; and relentlessly pressured Pentagon leaders to deploy active-duty troops against Black Lives Matter protestors. The worsening climate crisis, meanwhile, was almost entirely ignored Trump, who earlier in his term had rolled back environmental regulations and withdrawn the United States from the Paris Agreement. The president was instead preoccupied with stoking doubts about the legitimacy of the election. After he lost to Joe Biden, Trump fanned the flames of conspiracies and howled about fraud that did not exist. His false claims of a &quot;rigged election&quot; inspired thousands of people to storm the Capitol in a violent and ultimately failed insurrection on January 6, 2021.
** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 2

* Most of Trump's failings can be explained by a simple truth: He cared more about himself than the country. Whether managing the coronavirus or reacting to his election defeat, Trump prioritized what he thought to be his political and personal interests over the common good.
** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 4

* ...shrewdness, coupled with shamelessness and unnatural political stamina, allowed Trump to deliver on many of his political promises. He pleased his conservative base by remaking the federal judiciary, including with three nominations to the Supreme Court; cutting taxes on corporations and the wealthy; expanding the military; toughening border enforcement; and weakening the regulatory state. Trump also forged new bilateral trade agreements, negotiated peace accords in the Middle East, and won concessions from European allies he had argued were taking advantage of the United States. Trump nearly won a second term. More than 74 million people voted to reelect him- the second-highest total ever recorded, the highest being Biden's 81 million. Were it not for Biden's victories in a handful of swing states, Trump would have won the electoral college and secured four more years in office. It would be foolhardy then to dismiss his presidency as a failure and to turn the page on this period. Rather, we must try to understand what made him so appealing to so many, and what that reveals about the country.
** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 6-7

*Deserate people do desperate things in desperate times, unfortunately the American people  are facing desperate times of [[COVID-19]], but '''this  president is in desperate times'''... as he speaks ill about senator Harris '''he speaks ill about women''', and we hear it and it is a '''loud siren across this nation'''
**[[Sheila Jackson Lee]] on [https://www.facebook.com/AC360/videos/trump-intentionally-mispronouncing-kamala-harris-name/715040455763281/ Anderson Cooper 360 (video)] on  October 26, 2020
* Sadism has even found a prominent position in popular culture.Many prime-time television series now owe their staying power to the sadistic impulses they exploit on the tube. Audience members find tremendous enjoyment in viewing horrified contestants who devour worms and insects on NBC's ''Fear Factor''; Donald Trump who exclaims without nuance, &quot;You're fired&quot; on his wildly popular series, ''The Apprentice''...
** Jack Levin and James Alan Fox, &quot;Normalcy in Behavioral Characteristics of the Sadistic Serial Killer&quot;, Chapter 1 in ''Serial Murder and the Psychology of Violent Crimes'', edited by Richard N. Kocsis, 2008 Humana Press; p. 12-13

*Donald Trump is no conservative. That's not a crime, it's just a reason to vote against him. Many fine people are not conservatives. But the reason Trump's candidacy should worry the Right runs much deeper than that. He poses a direct challenge to conservatism, because he embodies the empty promise of managerial leadership outside of politics.
** Yuval Levin, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

*We have now arrived at a point where what is being spouted by Donald Trump, and others, amounts to a shallow, vulgar, uncompassionate conservatism. Sadly, to many Republicans, [[George W. Bush|Bush]] is now a punchline, and Trump is the fad of the moment.
** Matt Lewis, [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/11/25/you-guys-i-m-starting-to-miss-dubya.html &quot;You Guys, I'm Starting to Miss Dubya&quot;] (25 November 2015), ''The Daily Beast''

*President Trump’s order to take out Qasem Soleimani was morally, constitutionally and strategically correct. It deserves more bipartisan support than the begrudging or negative reactions it has received thus far from my fellow Democrats.
** [[Joe Lieberman]], [https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-democrats-and-iran-11578262553 &quot;The Democrats and Iran&quot;], ''[[w:The Wall Street Journal|The Wall Street Journal]]'' (January 5, 2020)

*I know Donald Trump. He's been a frequent guest on my radio and television programs, and I introduced him at the Conservative Political Action Conference in 2015. He has always been amiable and complimentary. I genuinely like him. But not as my presidential pick.
** Dana Loesch, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* Trump's time in the White House is finally over.  His presidency can be summarized as chaos, division, threats and hate.  It's a wake up call for what can happen when hate and extremism are let in.  
** Stefan Löfven, Prime Minister of Sweden, on [https://www.facebook.com/stefanlofven/posts/5326105824096935 FaceBook, January 20 2021] (in Swedish).

*While Trump's appeal to various groups may be understandable, he makes a terrible champion for Republicans, and especially for conservatives. By the standards we typically use to evaluate candidates — their records, their views, their popularity with the general public, their experience, their temperament, their character — Trump should be dismissed out of hand. No candidate is perfect, but large numbers of conservatives have never before supported any candidate so obviously deficient in all of these respects. That Trump has a long history of liberal positions that extends even into the fairly recent past should not by itself be disqualifying. Conservatism has always welcomed converts. But conservatives have also expected some demonstrated commitment to their principles, some action that advanced their causes, before seeking to elevate a convert to high office. When Mitt Romney ran for the Senate in 1994, for example, he tried to distance himself from Reagan-era conservatism. He later moved right. But even on his least conservative day, Romney was arguing for a smaller government and lower taxes (and for an end to Ted Kennedy's career). Trump, by contrast, has done essentially nothing for any conservative cause prior to deciding to run for the Republican presidential nomination. 
** [[Rich Lowry]] and Ramesh Ponnuru, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/425010/donald-trump-lowry-ponnuru &quot;Trump Wrongs The Right&quot;] (19 October 2015), ''National Review''.

* Trump obviously never meant to impose a wealth test on his administration, or he would have failed it himself. He is proof that a fortune isn't necessarily an obstacle to being a champion of an agenda of {{w|populist}} reform.
** [[Rich Lowry]], ''[http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/11/no-the-swamp-wont-be-drained-214493 No, the Swamp Won't Be Drained]'', ''{{w|Politico}}'' (December 01, 2016)

* He wouldn't {{w|drain the swamp}}, but merely feed different alligators.
** [[Rich Lowry]], ''[http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/11/no-the-swamp-wont-be-drained-214493 No, the Swamp Won't Be Drained]'', ''{{w|Politico}}'' (December 01, 2016)

* No participant in an administration that caged children, performed involuntary surgeries on captive women, and scoffed at science as millions were infected with a deadly virus should be enriched by the almost rote largesse of a big book deal. And no one who incited, suborned, instigated, or otherwise supported the January 6, 2021 coup attempt should have their philosophies remunerated and disseminated through our beloved publishing houses.
** Barry Lyga, novelist, in a letter signed by more than 250 authors, editors, agents, professors and others in the American literary community, as quoted in {{citation |date=2021-01-15 |title=Hundreds in publishing sign letter objecting to book deals for the Trump administration | author= Dorany Pineda | periodical=Los Angeles Times | url=https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/books/story/2021-01-15/book-world-signs-letter-to-block-trump-book-deals}}

* When you get up there and try to say you want to see Hillary Clinton win, that wouldn't go over so big. Trump has sold me. What more can I say? I just think he's the only one who's going to turn this country around.
** [[Loretta Lynn]], as quoted in [http://dailycaller.com/2016/01/13/this-huge-country-star-just-revealed-the-republican-shes-supporting-for-president/ &quot;This Huge Country Star Just Revealed The Republican She's Supporting For President&quot;] by Kaitlan Collins, ''The Daily Caller'' (13 January 2016)

=== M ===
* [Trump ... alpha male] they’re overcompensating for how insecure they feel — a man who is secure with himself, a human who is secure with themselves, doesn’t have to go around bullying people all the time.
** [[Madonna]] stating it was not true that she had ever asked Donald Trump for a date according to [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/05/magazine/madonna-madame-x.html Madonna at Sixty] published June 5, 2019

*Donald Trump, for all of his bluster, is at least authentically stupid... All these other guys are clown posers. Trump is the genuine article. And, God help me, I think I'd rather have him sitting in the Oval Office, getting stupidly out-maneuvered by the politicians under him, than bringing in a guy like [[Ben Carson|Carson]] who is willing to shred every last bit of his intellectual credibility in order to lord over a citizenry he doesn't seem to have much respect for.
** {{w|Drew Magary}}, [http://www.gq.com/story/fuck-ben-carson &quot;F*ck Ben Carson&quot;], ''GQ'' (8 October 2015)

* New Rule: Whenever you think the Tea Party can't get any dumber, they get dumber. Now they're in love with Donald Trump. Because nothing says &quot;We're serious about fiscal responsibility&quot; quite like a billionaire whose corporations have filed for bankruptcy three times.
** {{citation
 | author = [[Bill Maher]]
 | year = 2011
 | title = The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass
 | location = New York
 | publisher = Blue Rider Press
 | isbn = 978-0399158414
}}

* Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally— he's the white [[Kanye West|Kanye]]. And they are gonna love him. For a party whose base adores belligerence, this is the guy.
** [[Bill Maher]], {{citation
 | date = 2015-06-26
 | title = Real Time with Bill Maher
 | medium = TV
 | url = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTL-M3e6lq0
}}

* Did you know that of the 14 states with the highest number of painkiller prescriptions per person, they all went for Trump?
** [[Bill Maher]] ''Real Time with Bill Maher'', January 20th 2017

* His behavior defies the traditional definition of what it means to be &quot;manly.&quot; He wears bronzer, loves gold and gossip, is obsessed with his physical appearance, whines constantly, can't control his emotions, watches daytime television, enjoys parades and interior decorating, and used to sell perfume. 
** Windsor Mann, {{citation
 | date = 2019-02-18
 | title = The least macho president
 | publisher = The Week
 | url = https://theweek.com/articles/816310/least-macho-president
}}

* He set us back like 10 years.  We have worked so hard to promote our values, values that made him president when he hawked them, and now he does this, leaving everything in shambles? Nah, destroy him. Let it be a lesson to every other 'populist'.
** Frances Martel, international news editor at Breitbart News, as quoted by {{citation
 | author = Will Sommer
 | date = 2021-01-15
 | title = ‘Destroy Trump’: Breitbart Staffers Seethe After Capitol Riot
 | publisher = Daily Beast
 | url = https://www.thedailybeast.com/breitbart-staffers-clashed-over-blaming-trump-for-capitol-riot-leaked-chats-show?ref=home?ref=home
}}

* I think even during the campaign I said that Trump reminded me most of [[w:Joffrey Baratheon|Joffrey]]. They have the same level of emotional maturity. And Joffrey likes to remind everyone that he's king. And he thinks that gives him the ability to do anything. And we're not an absolute monarchy, like Westeros is. We're a constitutional republic. And yet, Trump doesn't seem to know what that means. He thinks the presidency gives him the power to do anything. And so, yeah, Joffrey is Trump.
** [[George R. R. Martin]], interviewed by Jamie Sims in the ''T: The New York Times Style Magazine'', [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/16/t-magazine/george-rr-martin-qanda-game-of-thrones.html &quot;George R. R. Martin Answers Times Staffers’ Burning Questions,&quot;] October 16, 2018.

* Today's violent assault on our Capitol, an effort to subjugate American democracy by mob rule, was fomented by Mr. Trump. His use of the Presidency to destroy trust in our election and to poison our respect for fellow citizens has been enabled by pseudo political leaders whose names will live in infamy as profiles in cowardice.  Our Constitution and our Republic will overcome this stain and We the People will come together again in our never-ending effort to form a more perfect Union, while Mr. Trump will deservedly be left a man without a country.  
** James Mattis  {{citation
 | date = 2020-01-07
 | title = Former Defense Secretary Mattis says Trump 'fomented' the security breach at the US Capitol
 | publisher = abc NEWS
 | url = https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/defense-secretary-mattis-trump-fomented-security-breach-us/story?id=75100611
}}

* Trump is a potential disaster as commander-in-chief—uninformed, volatile, poor judgment. Hard to believe this is the candidate of a major political party.
** [[Barry McCaffrey]], retired four-star U.S. Army general, as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/does-military-think-donald-trump-204408128.html &quot;What Does the Military Think of Donald Trump?&quot;] (15 June 2016), ''Time''

* In recent days, Donald Trump disparaged a fallen soldier's parents. He has suggested that the likes of their son should not be allowed in the United States — to say nothing of entering its service. I cannot emphasize enough how deeply I disagree with Mr. Trump's statement. I hope Americans understand that the remarks do not represent the views of our Republican Party, its officers, or candidates.
** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016)

* I claim no moral superiority over Donald Trump. I have a long and well-known public and private record for which I will have to answer at the Final Judgment, and I repose my hope in the promise of mercy and the moderation of age. I challenge the nominee to set the example for what our country can and should represent.
** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016)

* Arizona is watching. It is time for Donald Trump to set the example for our country and the future of the Republican Party. While our Party has bestowed upon him the nomination, it is not accompanied by unfettered license to defame those who are the best among us.
** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016)

* [[2018 Russia–United States summit|Today's press conference in Helsinki]] was one of the most disgraceful performances by an American president in memory. The damage inflicted by [[President Trump]]'s [[naiveté]], [[egotism]], [[false]] [[equivalence]], and [[sympathy]] for [[autocrats]] is difficult to calculate. … President Trump proved not only unable, but unwilling to stand up to [[Putin]]. He and Putin seemed to be speaking from the same script as the president made a conscious [[choice]] to defend a [[tyrant]] against the fair questions of a [[free press]], and to grant Putin an uncontested platform to spew [[propaganda]] and [[lies]] to the [[world]]. … No prior president has ever abased himself more abjectly before a tyrant. Not only did President Trump fail to speak the [[truth]] about an adversary; but speaking for America to the world, our president failed to [[defend]] all that makes us who we are — a [[republic]] of [[free]] [[people]] dedicated to the cause of [[liberty]] at home and abroad. American presidents must be the champions of that cause if it is to [[succeed]]. Americans are [[waiting]] and hoping for President Trump to embrace that [[sacred]] [[responsibility]]. One can only [[hope]] they are not waiting totally in vain.
** [[John McCain]], official statement: [https://www.mccain.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?p=press-releases&amp;id=A99FDA26-673D-4560-B4EA-5AEDF0685EC5 &quot;SASC Chairman John Mccain on Trump-Putin Meeting&quot; (16 July 2018)]

*The presidency's most crucial duty is the protection of American national security. Yet, interviewed by Hugh Hewitt months into his campaign, Donald Trump did not know the key leaders of the global jihad. The man who would be commander-in-chief was unfamiliar with Hassan Nasrallah, the Hezbollah leader who has been murdering Americans for over 30 years; Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden's longtime deputy who has quite notoriously commanded al-Qaeda since the network's leader was killed by U.S. forces in 2011; and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, self-proclaimed caliph of the Islamic State (ISIS) and a jihadist so globally notorious that many teenagers are aware of him. Of course a man who wants to be president should make it his business to know such things.
**Andrew C. McCarthy, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

&lt;i&gt; About the [[2021 storming of the United States Capitol|attack on US Capitol]]: &lt;/i&gt; 
* The mob was fed lies. They were provoked by the President and other powerful people.
** Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader, Republican, quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-01-19 
 | author = Alex Rogers, Clare Foran
 | title = Mitch McConnell: Capitol Hill mob was 'provoked' by Trump
 | publisher = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/19/politics/mitch-mcconnell-rioters-provoked/index.html
}}
&lt;i&gt; About the attack on US Capitol: &lt;/i&gt; 
* Former President Trump's actions that preceded the riot were a disgraceful, disgraceful dereliction of duty.  Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the events of the day.
* Impeachment was never meant to be the final forum for American justice
* We have a criminal justice system in this country. We have civil litigation. And former Presidents are not immune from being held accountable by either one.
* He did not do his job.  He didn't take steps so federal law could be faithfully executed and order restored. No. Instead, according to public reports, he watched television happily -- happily -- as the chaos unfolded.
** Mitch McConnell, as quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-02-13
 | author = Alex Rogers and Manu Raju
 | title = McConnell blames Trump but voted not guilty anyway
 | publisher = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/02/13/politics/mitch-mcconnell-acquit-trump/index.html
}}

*When you think of how far we have come, and at what cost, and with what faith, to just turn it all over to this monstrous clown with a monstrous ego, with no experience, never served his country in any way — it's just crazy. We can't stand by and let it happen. The Republican Party shouldn't stand by and let it happen.
** {{w|David McCullough}}, quoted by Jim Dwyer in ''{{w|The New York Times}}'', [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/13/nyregion/donald-trump-david-mccullough-ken-burns.html &quot;Scholars Steeped in Dead Politicians Take On a Live One: Donald Trump,&quot;] July 12 2016.

*Trump had been calling for better relations with [[Russia]] during his presidential campaign... Stooping to a new low, Friday's (New York) Times headline screamed: &quot;F.B.I. Opened Inquiry Into Whether Trump Was Secretly Working on Behalf of Russia.&quot;  For those interested in evidence — or the lack of it— regarding collusion between Russia and the presidential campaign of Donald Trump, we can thank the usual Russia-gate promoters at [[Mainstream media|The New York Times and CNN]] for inadvertently filling in some gaps in recent days... NYT readers had to get down to paragraph 9 to read: &quot;No evidence has emerged...&quot;
**[[Ray McGovern]] in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/01/15/russia-gate-evidence-please/ ''Ray McGovern: Russia-gate Evidence, Please,''] (15 January 2019) 

* Donald Trump is no conservative. He's a populist whose theme is: Our government is broken, and I'll fix it. He's right on point one: Both parties have failed to lead. Obama and congressional Democrats manipulate the levers of power to push America farther toward European socialism; Republicans promise free-market alternatives but end up caving in to pressure or carrying water for the GOP's own big-government special interests. The American people have signaled in recent elections that they've had enough of business as usual, and now they want to clean house. Yet Trump is no better than what we already have. He'll say anything to get a vote but give us more of the same if he gets into office. Trump beguiles us, defies the politically correct media, and bullies anyone who points out that the emperor has no clothes. None of that makes him a conservative who cherishes liberty... For decades, Trump has argued for big government.
** David McIntosh, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* Trump himself thought it was a good idea in the recent past to support Hillary Clinton, including to be President.
** Dan McLaughlin, [http://www.redstate.com/dan_mclaughlin/2016/05/17/never-trump-movement-neither-anti-american-hypocritical/ &quot;The Never Trump Movement Is Neither Anti-American Nor Hypocritical&quot;] (17 May 2016), ''Red State''

* Trump is unexpectedly increasing my enthusiasm for [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]]. What he is saying is not based on facts: it's based on immaturity, bad judgment and ignorance, and I think it's going to be hard for people in uniform who are thoughtful about this, to vote for him.
** [[Merrill McPeak]], retired U.S. Air Force chief of staff, as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/does-military-think-donald-trump-204408128.html &quot;What Does the Military Think of Donald Trump?&quot;] (15 June 2016), ''Time''

* Donald Trump is an original
** [[John McWhorter]] '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phsU1vVHOQI Language Expert: Donald Trump's Way Of Speaking Is 'Oddly Adolescent' | The 11th Hour | MSNBC]''' (September 15, 2017)

* Trump's brawling, blustery, mean-spirited public persona serves to associate conservatives with all the negative stereotypes that liberals have for decades attached to their opponents on the right. According to conventional caricature, conservatives are selfish, greedy, materialistic, bullying, misogynistic, angry, and intolerant. They are, we're told, privileged and pampered elitists who revel in the advantages of inherited wealth while displaying only cruel contempt for the less fortunate and the less powerful. The Left tried to smear Ronald Reagan in such terms but failed miserably because he displayed none of the stereotypical traits... Trump is the living, breathing, bellowing personification of all the nasty characteristics Democrats routinely ascribe to Republicans.
** {{w|Michael Medved}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* There are two tactical approaches for candidates seeking their party's nomination in election campaigns. One is to strongly debate the issues and firmly advocate your positions, but to avoid personal attacks on your opponents or needless divisiveness. The other is to vigorously attack your fellow candidates, disparaging them personally and seeking to raise yourself up by dragging them down. Ronald Reagan was famous for epitomizing the former path. Donald Trump, unfortunately, has chosen to follow the latter course... At a time when the nation is suffering under one of the most divisive and incompetent presidents in history, our people need positive, unifying leadership, not negative, destructive political rhetoric.
** [[Edwin Meese]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* Trump owes less to Willkie's tradition than to Benito Mussolini's, and not only because of the superficial: Trump's chin-out toughness, sweeping right-hand gestures and talk of his &quot;huge&quot; successes and his &quot;stupid&quot; opponents all evoke the Italian dictator's style. Monday's breathtaking announcement that he would block all Muslims from entering the United States has many pointing out the obvious fascist overtones... Trump uses many of the fascist's tools: a contempt for facts, spreading a pervasive sense of fear and overwhelming crisis, portraying his backers as victims, assigning blame to foreign or alien actors and suggesting only his powerful personality can transcend the crisis. He endorsed the violence done to a dissenter at one of his rallies, and he now floats the idea of making entry to the United States contingent on religion.
** [[Dana Milbank]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-isnt-todays-wendell-willkie-hes-todays-benito-mussolini/2015/12/08/77c81b0c-9ddc-11e5-a3c5-c77f2cc5a43c_story.html &quot;Donald Trump, America's modern Mussolini&quot;] (8 December 2015), ''The Washington Post''.

* For all the promises Trump is breaking, there is one he has kept without wavering: his vow to be unpredictable. ... Some suggest that there is a method to Trump's [[madness]], that he is trying to make would-be adversaries think he is [[irrational]] and capricious, thereby making [[foes]] and [[rivals]] wary of pushing him too far. ... But in Trump's application of the {{w|Madman Theory}} there seems to be less [[theory]] than madman. There may be advantages to keeping foes and opponents off guard, but Trump is baffling [[friends]] and [[allies]], too. In [[foreign affairs]], unpredictability spooks allies and spreads instability. And unpredictable [[policy]] at home has long been seen as toxic for business. ... The widespread [[chaos]] suggests Trump isn't signaling new policies as much as he's winging it. His unpredictability is not a theory. It's the absence of one.
** [[Dana Milbank]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trumps-one-consistent-policy-chaos/2016/12/06/f1a5a5ae-bbf7-11e6-91ee-1adddfe36cbe_story.html?utm_term=.f664c9ebc888 Trump's one consistent policy: Chaos]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 6, 2016)

* You never know where the president's trigger point is
** Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Mark Milley according to  &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcGUVBJgZnE Milley took top-secret action to limit Trump's ability to order military strike, book says]&quot; (January8, 2021)

*He needs no introduction. His name is familiar to every person on the planet Earth. His name comes up in almost every conversation in the world on global politics. His every word is followed by tens of millions. He has left a deep and lasting impact everywhere.
**[[Narendra Modi]], speaking at the &quot;Howdy Modi&quot; rally at NRG Stadium in Houston, United States, ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhFC-Un3J9Q ETV Andhra Pradesh]'' (22 September 2019)

[[File:Moon Jae-in presidential portrait.jpg|thumb|President Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize. ~ [[Moon Jae-in]]]]
* '''President Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize.'''
** [[Moon Jae-in]], as quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-northkorea-southkorea-trump/trump-should-win-the-nobel-peace-prize-says-south-koreas-moon-idUSKBN1I10OD &quot;South Korea president says Trump deserves Nobel Peace Prize&quot;] by Hyonhee Shin, ''Reuters'' (30 April 2018)

* The three primary goals of religious conservatives: to protect all human life, including that of the unborn; to reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the family; and to conserve the religious freedom of all persons. All three goals would be in jeopardy under a Trump presidency. Yes, Trump says that he is pro-life now, despite having supported partial-birth abortion in the past. The problem is not whether he can check a box. Pro-life voters expect leaders to have a coherent vision of human dignity and to be able to defend against assaults on human life in the future—some of which may be unimaginable today and will present themselves only as new technologies develop.
** Russell Moore, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* Trump's proposal would assure the enmity of all Muslims, including those whose support we need if we are to prevail. Even assuming an infallible way to identify who is Muslim, the proposal is both under- and over-inclusive. It is under-inclusive because it does not address potential terrorists who have U.S. passports or residence permits, or are already here, or may threaten us abroad; it is over-inclusive because it bars the huge majority of Muslims who are not potential terrorists. Trump says he would order the military to kill the families of terrorists. That would be a direct violation of the most basic laws of armed conflict, which require that deadly force be used only when required by military necessity, under circumstances that allow distinction between military and civilian targets, and when incidental damage to non-military targets is proportional to the military advantage gained. A military that adhered to the laws of armed conflict would necessarily disobey such an order; if it followed the order, both the person who gave it and those who followed it would be subject to prosecution for war crimes. 
** Michael B. Mukasey, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

*What a fucking idiot.
**[[Rupert Murdoch]], as quoted in [http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2018/01/michael-wolff-fire-and-fury-book-donald-trump.html &quot;Donald Trump Didn't Want to Be President&quot;] (January 2017), by Michael Wolff, ''NY Mag''

* I want him out. He has caused enough damage.
** Lisa Murkovski, Republican senator, quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-01-10 
 | author = Kate Sullivan, Nicky Robertson
 | title = Republican Sen. Pat Toomey says he thinks Trump 'committed impeachable offenses'
 | publisher = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/09/politics/pat-toomey-trump-impeachable-offenses/index.html
}}

*Trump has gotten six or seven stories in his [[President of the United States|presidency]] so far, that if they happened in 1981, there would have been serious talk about the president needing to resign. And that's gone now, that ray gun of, ''&quot;We don't do this. You can't get away with that&quot;'' is pretty much gone... Everything is a [[Bigotry|racial stereotype]] with him half the time. We've got to admit that about [[Trump]].
**[[Mike Murphy]], [http://conversationswithbillkristol.org/video/mike-murphy/ interview with Bill Kristol] (20 June 2017)

*A Moscow loving grifter is on the loose in the White House. Shame on the Vichy Republicans who constantly enable him.
**[[Mike Murphy (political consultant)|Mike Murphy]], [https://www.politico.com/story/2018/06/04/playbook-birthday-mike-murphy-620654 interview with Daniel Lippman] (2018)

* I don't hate the man, but it's time for Trump to hang up his hat &amp; sail into the sunset.
* Do we really want a bull in a china shop situation every single day!? Also, I think the legal maximum age for start of Presidential term should be 69.
** Elon Musk, quoted in [https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/other/3554566-elon-musk-time-for-trump-to-hang-up-his-hat-sail-into-the-sunset/ &quot;Elon Musk: Time for Trump to ‘hang up his hat &amp; sail into the sunset’&quot;], 7 July 2022

* What kind of son have I created?
** [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|Mary Trump|]] (Trump's mother), [https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/share/e515a2cd-a51b-4f83-8d61-6ebb9a104e0a is said] to have asked [[Ivana Trump]]

=== N ===
* When Trump came for the Mexicans, I did not speak out — as I was not a Mexican. When he came for the Muslims I did not speak out — as I was not a Muslim. Then he came for me.
** [[New York Daily News|The Daily News]], variant of ''{{w|First they came ...}}'' by [[Martin Niemöller]], as quoted in ''[https://www.businessinsider.com/daily-news-donald-trump-muslim-cover-2015-12 Daily News cover shows Donald Trump cutting off the Statue of Liberty's head]'' (December 09, 2015) by Colin Campbell, ''{{w|Business Insider}}''

* I love Donald, and he would make a great [[President of the United States|president]]. Number one, he tells the truth. Number two, he's been where most of these guys want to be, in terms of riding on his own plane. He doesn't have to worry about what hotels he stays in, he doesn't have to worry about how his family gets to Hawaii, so on and so forth. I could give you so many reasons. But most of all, most important I think for Mr. Trump, is he tells it like it is. Look, we can talk about these radicals all we want, but it's my opinion, and I heard [Trump] say this too: They're only going to be as radical as we let them be.
** [[w:Wayne Newton|Wayne Newton]] on {{citation
 | date = 2015-10-06
 | title = [[w:Fox &amp; Friends|Fox &amp; Friends]]
 | medium = TV
}} — as quoted in [http://thehill.com/video/in-the-news/256070-wayne-newton-all-in-on-trump &quot;Wayne Newton all in on Trump&quot;] by Judy Kurtz, ''The Hill'' (6 October 2015)

* Mr President... STOP THE INSANITY You lost the election - here's how to save your legacy
** New York Post, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/28/media/new-york-post-donald-trump-editorial/index.html &quot;New York Post to Donald Trump: Stop the insanity&quot;], David Goldman, ''CNN'' (29 December 2020)

*Trump has chosen to identify himself as a Republican as a matter of egotistical convenience.
** Tom Nichols, [http://thefederalist.com/2016/02/24/ill-take-hillary-clinton-over-donald-trump/ &quot;I'll Take Hillary Clinton Over Donald Trump&quot;] (24 February 2016), ''The Federalist''

*'''As you can imagine, [Pat] is an expert on politics and she predicts whenever you decide to run for office you will be a winner!'''
** [[Richard Nixon]], crediting his wife [[w:Pat Nixon|Pat Nixon]] in a letter to Trump in 1987, [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/nixon-predicted-trump-success/ FACT CHECK: Did Richard Nixon Write a Letter Predicting Donald Trump’s Success in Politics?], ''[[w:Snopes|Snopes]]'', (May 18, 2017)

*Have you ever argued with a toddler? Because if you have, you probably lost that argument, or you killed the toddler. Either way, you didn't win the argument, because you can't win an argument against a toddler. Toddlers will say the most outlandish shit. [...] Over the course of this election season, we've come to realize that president-elect Donald Trump might have the mind of a toddler. And if you think about it, it makes sense. He loves the same things that toddlers do. They like building things. They love attention, always grabbing things they're not supposed to. [...] You don't argue with a child if you want to win. Don't amplify the toddler's voice, because you'll just get trapped in the toddler's world. Rather, just keep asking the toddler to elaborate. Because logic is the downfall of every toddler. The point is to gently demoralize the toddler and smother his tantrums. And, as a bonus, stop him from delegitimizing the press.
**[[Trevor Noah]], ''[[The Daily Show]]'', November 30, 2016. Quoted in ''[https://www.businessinsider.com/trevor-noah-trump-toddler-2016-11 Trevor Noah: How journalists really need to deal with Trump]'' (November 30, 2016) by Paul Schrodt, ''{{w|Business Insider}}''

* Donald Trump should be given the [[w:Presidential Medal of Freedom|Medal of Freedom]] for speaking his mind in such a bold, honest and straight-forward manner.
** [[Ted Nugent]], ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20150710040259/http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/give-trump-the-medal-of-freedom/ Give Trump the Medal of Freedom]'', ''{{w|WorldNetDaily}}''  (August 7, 2015). Quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2018/09/shaq-didnt-call-trump-the-best-president/ Shaq Didn’t Call Trump the 'Best President']'' (September 17, 2018) by Catherine Monk, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}''

* Donald Trump comes closer than anyone else to being the archetype of the species; crossing genres, he exemplifies all the ways an asshole can capture our attention.
** {{citation
 | author = Geoffrey Nunberg
 | date = 2012-08-14
 | title = [[w:Ascent of the A-Word|Ascent of the A-Word: Assholism, the First Sixty Years]]
 | location = New York
 | publisher = PublicAffairs
 | isbn = 978-1610391757
 | pages = 164-165
}}

=== O ===
* [Americans have] a continuing normative commitment to the ideals of individual freedom and mobility, values that extend far beyond the issue of race in the American mind. The depth of this commitment may be summarily dismissed as the unfounded optimism of the average American—I may not be Donald Trump now, but just you wait; if I don't make it, my children will.
** [[Barack Obama]], in a 1991 law school paper called &quot;Race and Rights Rhetoric&quot;, as quoted in ''Rising Star: The Making of Barack Obama'' (2017) by David Garrow, and reported in [https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/young-obama-said-the-american-dream-is-to-be-donald-trump &quot;Young Obama Said the American Dream Is to Be Donald Trump&quot;, ''Vice'' (12 May 2017)]

*We've got a debate inside the other party that is fantasy and schoolyard taunts and selling stuff like it's the Home Shopping Network. And then you've got the Republican establishment -- they're very exercised: We're shocked that somebody would be saying these things. We're shocked that somebody is fanning anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-Muslim sentiment. '''We're shocked! We're shocked that somebody could be loose with the facts. Or distort someone's record -- shocked... This is the guy, remember, who was sure that I was born in Kenya. Who just wouldn't let it go. And all this same Republican establishment, they weren't saying nothing. As long as it was directed at me, they were fine with it. They thought it was a hoot. Wanted to get his endorsement... What is happening in this primary is just a distillation of what's been happening inside their party for more than a decade.''' I mean, the reason that many of their voters are responding is because this is what's been fed through the messages they've been sending for a long time -- that you just make flat assertions that don't comport with the facts. That you just deny the evidence of science. That compromise is a betrayal. That the other side isn't simply wrong, or we just disagree, we want to take a different approach, but the other side is destroying the country, or treasonous. I mean, that's - look it up. That's what they've been saying. So they can't be surprised when somebody suddenly looks and says, you know what, I can do that even better. I can make stuff up better than that. I can be more outrageous than that. I can insult people even better than that. I can be even more uncivil.
**Barack Obama on Trump, [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2016/03/14/remarks-president-dnc-reception-austin-tx March 2016]

* I did hope, for the sake of our country, that Donald Trump might show some interest in taking the job seriously … But he never did. For close to four years now, he’s shown no interest in putting in the work; no interest in finding common ground; no interest in using the awesome power of his office to help anyone but himself and his friends; no interest in treating the presidency as anything but one more reality show that he can use to get the attention he craves. … Trump hasn’t grown into the job because he can’t.
**Barack Obama on Trump, [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/08/democratic-national-convention-kamala-harris-barack-obama 20 August 2020]

* I like Donald Trump because he speaks from the heart. Make America Great Again is a great slogan. I would like to meet him.
** [[w:Family of Barack Obama#Malik_Obama|Malik Obama]], President Obama's half-brother, as quoted in [http://nypost.com/2016/07/24/why-obamas-half-brother-says-hell-be-voting-for-donald-trump/ &quot;Why Obama's half-brother says he'll be voting for Donald Trump&quot;] by Isabel Vincent, ''New York Post'' (24 July 2016)

*Let's take a page from Donald Trump's book and ignore political correctness for a moment. If you support Trump, you support his sexist, bigoted and racist views. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it, and this is especially true for GOP party leaders, elected officials and even community leaders. Some have said things such as, 'I don't like Trump's history of demeaning women, but I think he will be good for the economy'. Sorry, you don't get a pass because you like one of his policy proposals. It's akin to saying, 'I supported Hitler for his tax plan'. And no, I'm absolutely not comparing Trump to Hitler. But Anne Frank's 86-year-old stepsister, Eva Schloss, who survived Auschwitz, did just that a few weeks ago, telling ''Newsweek'' that Trump 'is acting like another Hitler by inciting racism'.
**Dean Obeidallah, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/02/24/opinions/support-trump-support-bigotry-obeidallah/index.html &quot;A Vote For Trump Is A Vote&quot;] (24 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network

*He said to me, &quot;if you're ever caught cheating, you deny, deny, deny, and wear them out, and they will believe you eventually because you've denied so long.&quot;
**Jack O'Donnell, former president of the Trump Plaza casino in Atlantic City, [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/26/us/politics/stephen-moore-donald-trump-sexual-misconduct.html Believing Him: For Trump, Sticking With Men Like Stephen Moore Is Nothing New] (26 April 2019), ''New York Times''

* &lt;p&gt;This young girl, {{w|Tara Conner}}, how old is she? 20? 21. She went out and she was partying. She's from Kentucky. She went to New York and she was hanging out at all the parties, and doing what [[Paris Hilton|Paris]] and [[Lindsay Lohan|Lindsay]] do — you know, dancing, whatever. And so he held a press conference to announce whether or not she was going to ''retain'' her ''crown''. And then she started to cry, going, &quot;I just want to thank Donald for giving me a second chance.&quot; And there he is, hair looping, going ''[flipping hair over top of her head, imitating Trump]'' &quot;Everyone deserves a second chance. I'm going to give her a second chance.&quot;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;He annoys me on a multitude of levels. ''He's'' the moral authority? Left the first wife, had an affair. Left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but ''he's'' the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America. Donald, sit and spin, my friend! I don't enjoy him. No. No, no, no.&lt;/p&gt;
* He inherited a lot of money — wait a minute — and he's been bankrupt so many times where he didn't have to pay. But the people beneath him who he owed money to got shorted out of the money, but he got to again, try again and again. And you know what saved him the second time? After his father died, with ''that'' money, he paid off all his bankruptcy. This is not a self-made man.
* I just think that this man is sort of like one of those, you know, snake oil salesmen in ''Little House on the Prairie''.
** Rosie O'Donnell, ''The View'' (2006), quoted in &quot;[http://www.people.com/article/rosie-odonnell-addresses-donald-trump-attack-presidential-debate Rosie O'Donnell Hits Back at Donald Trump After Debate Bashing - and Calls Him an 'Orange Anus']&quot;, ''People'' ({{#formatdate:2016-09-27}})
** Referring to Trump's announcement that he would give Miss USA 2006 a &quot;second chance&quot; after her substance abuse scandal.

*This man just can't be [[w:President of the United States|president]]. They've got this button — this briefcase. He's going to find it.
**[[P. J. O'Rourke]], alluding to the nuclear codes the commander-in-chief takes control of upon assuming office, [http://www.npr.org/2016/05/09/477339063/conservative-author-pj-orourke-reluctantly-backs-clinton May 7, 2016] on [[w:NPR|NPR]]

* The [[w:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Fathers]] created a system of {{w|checks and balances}} to limit the power of the President, but it only works if someone fucking checks or balances. And if you don't, it's no longer on Trump, it's on you. Because when you've got the presidential equivalent of a five-year-old shitting on the salad bar of a {{w|Ruby Tuesdays}}, at some point you stop blaming the five-year-old, and you start blaming the people who are not stopping him. Stop that boy, that's what I am saying. Stop that boy, now.
** [[John Oliver]] during a piece on the aftermath of Trump's firing of FBI Director [[James Comey]] on his [[w:Last Week Tonight with John Oliver|Last Week Tonight]] show (14 May 2017)

* Now that he’s president-elect, you just hope that he can make the world a better place. He won fair and square. We have to give him a chance. There’s no need talking about recounts and this and that.
** [[Shaquille O'Neal]], as quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2018/09/shaq-didnt-call-trump-the-best-president/ Shaq Didn’t Call Trump the 'Best President']'' (September 17, 2018) by Catherine Monk, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}''

=== P ===

*I'm happy with what Trump has done, because he's totally blown up the media! All of a sudden, ‘BOOM!' That lack of caution and shooting from the hip. He's not a president, of course. He's not remotely a president. He has no political skills of any kind. He's simply an American citizen who is creating his own bully pulpit.
** [[Camille Paglia]], as quoted by Luke Morgan Britan, &quot;[http://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/before-calling-taylor-swift-a-nazi-barbie-camille-paglia-laid-into-plenty-of-other-celebrities-765347#SFT3Db4CgkKHb7QH.99 Before Calling Taylor Swift A ‘Nazi Barbie', Camille Paglia Laid Into Plenty Of Other Celebrities]&quot;, NME.com, Dec 11, 2015; retrieved 15 September 2017

*Had Hillary won, everyone would have expected disappointed Trump voters to show a modicum of respect for the electoral results as well as for the historic ceremony of the inauguration, during which former combatants momentarily unite to pay homage to the peaceful transition of power in our democracy. But that was not the reaction of a vast cadre of Democrats shocked by Trump's win. In an abject failure of leadership that may be one of the most disgraceful episodes in the history of the modern Democratic party, Chuck Schumer, who had risen to become the Senate Democratic leader after the retirement of Harry Reid, asserted absolutely no moral authority as the party spun out of control in a nationwide orgy of rage and spite. Nor were there statesmanlike words of caution and restraint from two seasoned politicians whom I have admired for decades and believe should have run for president long ago—Senator Dianne Feinstein and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. How do Democrats imagine they can ever expand their electoral support if they go on and on in this self-destructive way, impugning half the nation as vile racists and homophobes?&lt;br/&gt;All of which brings us to the issue of Trump's performance to date. The initial conundrum was: could he shift from being the slashing, caustic ex-reality show star of the campaign to a more measured, presidential persona? Perhaps to the dismay of his diehard critics, Trump did indeed make that transition at the Capitol on inauguration morning, when he appeared grave and focused, palpably conveying a sense of the awesome burdens of the highest office. As for his particular actions as president, I am no fan of executive orders, which usurp congressional prerogatives and which I was already denouncing when Obama was constantly signing them (with very little protest, one might add, from the mainstream media).
** [[Camille Paglia]], as quoted by Johnathan V. Last, &quot;[http://www.weeklystandard.com/camille-paglia-on-trump-democrats-transgenderism-and-islamist-terror/article/2008464 Camille Paglia: On Trump, Democrats, Transgenderism, and Islamist Terror]&quot;, The Weekly Standard, June 15, 2017

* Only one candidate's record of success proves he is the master of [[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|the art of the deal]]... I'm here to support the next president of the United States, Donald Trump.
** [[Sarah Palin]], [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/sarah-palins-speech-endorsing-donald-trump-in-full-a6822771.html &quot;Sarah Palin's speech endorsing Donald Trump in full&quot;], ''Independent'' (20 January 2016)

*With Donald Trump as the presumptive presidential nominee, we are witnessing a populist hijacking of one of the United States' great political parties... [R]ooted in ignorance, prejudice, fear and isolationism... This troubles me deeply as a Republican, but it troubles me even more as an American... Enough is enough... It's time to put country before party and say it together: Never Trump.
** [[Henry Paulson]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/when-it-comes-to-trump-a-republican-treasury-secretary-says-choose-country-over-party/2016/06/24/c7bdba34-3942-11e6-8f7c-d4c723a2becb_story.html?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-f%3Ahomepage%2Fstory &quot;Choose country over party&quot;] (24 June 2016), ''The Washington Post'', Washington, D.C., as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-henry-paulson-op-ed-hillary-clinton-election-2016/ ''CBS News''] (June 2016)

*Trump has made a living out of preying on and bullying society's most vulnerable, with the help of government. He isn't an outsider, but rather an unelected politician of the worst kind. He admits that he's bought off elected officials in order get his way and to openly abuse the system. The rabid defense he gets from some quarters is astonishing. Trump's liberal positions aren't in the distant past—he has openly promoted them on the campaign trail. Trump isn't fighting for anyone but himself, which has been his pattern for decades. Conservatives have a serious decision. Do we truly believe in our long-held principles and insist that politicians have records demonstrating fealty to them? Or are we willing to throw these principles away because an entertainer who has been a liberal Democrat for decades simply says some of the right things?
** {{w|Katie Pavlich}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''

* Observing his behavior, I have concluded that he is like the man who refuses to ask for directions.
* All of the answers are there.  And yet the president continues to go down the wrong path and refuses to ask for directions from scientists who know better than any of us.
** [[Nancy Pelosi]], talking about the need for testing, contact tracing, treatment, social distancing, masking and equipment for handling the Coronavirus pandemic, as quoted by Marisa Schultz, [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pelosi-compares-trump-to-the-man-who-refuses-to-ask-for-directions &quot;Pelosi compares Trump to 'the man who refuses to ask for directions'&quot;], July 17 2020, &lt;i&gt;CNN&lt;/i&gt;

* We might get somebody of his ilk who's sane, and that would really be dangerous, because it could be who's smart, who's strategic, and the rest. This is a slob. He doesn't believe in science. He's a snake-oil salesman. And he's shrewd. Give him credit for his shrewdness.
** [[Nancy Pelosi]], as quoted by Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 6

* Donald Trump and I believe that Captain [[w:Humayun S. M. Khan|Humayun Khan]] is an American hero and his family, like all Gold Star families, should be cherished by every American. Captain Khan gave his life to defend our country in the global war on terror. Due to the disastrous decisions of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, a once stable Middle East has now been overrun by ISIS. This must not stand. By suspending immigration from countries that have been compromised by terrorism, rebuilding our military, defeating ISIS at its source and projecting strength on the global stage, we will reduce the likelihood that other American families will face the enduring heartbreak of the Khan family.
** [[Mike Pence]], about the statements of Donald Trump on the fallen Captain {{w|Humayun S. M. Khan}}'s family — [https://www.facebook.com/mikepence/posts/10153921668637862 Facebook, July 31, 2016]

* It really is remarkable to think about the progress the American people have made over the last several months. When the president tapped me to lead the [[White House Coronavirus Task Force]], he gave us the first objective is to save lives. And to focus on slowing the spread, [[w:Flattening the curve|bending the curve]]. [...] Secondly, the president made it clear to us that we were to make sure the [[w:Impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on hospitals|hospitals]] in impacted areas had the resources and the [[w:COVID-19 pandemic in the United States#Medical supplies|equipment]] that they needed to be able to save as many lives as possible.
** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}''

* The president has made it clear that we want the governors to implement testing and deploy testing where they deem it's most appropriate in their state, we're going to continue to fully partner with states around the country to increase the supply, to make sure that they have the reagents and the test kits necessary to perform those tests. But I want to say again, it is truly -- it's a tribute to the president's leadership that early on in this process he brought in the top commercial labs in the country. They formed an alliance. And we went from one month ago to 80,000 tests being done to four million tests being completed as of yesterday. We'll continue to increase that. We'll continue to make governors aware of that.
** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}''

* I've seen that report in the papers this morning. And I know that [[w:United States Department of Health and Human Services|HHS]] is making inquiries. But we believe those issues were resolved on that particular test by early February. But it's important for your viewers to know that that test, the slow lab-based test that is typical for [[CDC]] and {{w|public health}} labs would never have been able to meet the needs of testing in this coronavirus epidemic. That's why President Trump was so right when he brought together these commercial labs and formed a consortium. And literally took us from -- at that time in February we had done some 20,000 tests total across the country. Now we've done more than four million and we believe we'll have done more than five million tests before the end of this month. None of that would have been possible without the president's leadership, without the innovation, without the incredible efforts of companies like [[w:Roche Diagnostics|Roche]] and [[w:Avid Technology|Avid Laboratories]].
** [[Mike Pence]] on a [[w:Food and Drug Administration|FDA]]'s report stating that CDC's initial test was faulty, in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}''

* The American people can be confident that this president wants [[w:Trump administration communication during the COVID-19 pandemic#Lifting restrictions|to reopen]] the American economy as soon as we can safely and responsibly do it.
** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}''

* I wrote the scripture reference, which is 2 Corinthians 3:17, which is how it's written, I'm guilty as charged. That's exactly what I did. I sent him a couple of suggestions of some things he could talk about as a connection point. &lt;br /&gt; It shows that he's not familiar with Bible, Donald Trump's a very interesting guy. There are some things about him that I find fascinating, that I like about him, as well as other evangelicals.
** [[w:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]], in an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Erin Burnett}} on ''[[w:Erin Burnett OutFront|OutFront]]'', about Trump saying &quot;two Corinthians&quot; instead of &quot;Second Corinthians&quot; during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016)

* He offers a barking carnival act that can be best described as Trumpism: a toxic mix of demagoguery, mean-spiritedness and nonsense that will lead the Republican Party to perdition if pursued... Let no one be mistaken: Donald Trump's candidacy is a cancer on conservatism, and it must be clearly diagnosed, excised and discarded. ... Donald Trump is the modern-day incarnation of the {{w|Know Nothing}} movement.
** [[Rick Perry]], campaign event, Willard Hotel, {{#formatdate:2015-07-22}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-22
 | title = Perry: Trump's campaign ‘a barking carnival act' and ‘a cancer on conservatism'
 | first = Jose A.
 | last = DelReal
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url = http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics/wp/2015/07/22/rick-perry-donald-trumps-campaign-a-barking-carnival-act-and-a-cancer-on-conservatism/
}}

* I don't know how far Trump will go. But in giving confidence to the American people and exposing establishment hypocrisy, he has already done a great service for our country.
** [[w:Jesse Lee Peterson|Jesse Lee Peterson]], [http://www.wnd.com/2015/09/cowards-join-forces-to-attack-the-bully/ &quot;Cowards join forces to attack the 'bully'&quot;], ''[[w:WorldNetDaily|WND]]'' (21 September 2015)

*To most of us, the American presidential campaign is a media freak show, in which Donald Trump is the arch villain. But Trump is loathed by those with power in the United States for reasons that have little to do with his obnoxious behaviour and opinions. To the invisible government in Washington, the unpredictable Trump is an obstacle to America’s design for the 21st century...To the militarists in Washington, the real problem with Trump is that, in his lucid moments, he seems not to want a war with Russia; he wants to talk with the Russian president, not fight him; he says he wants to talk with the president of China. In the first debate with Hillary Clinton, Trump promised not to be the first to introduce nuclear weapons into a conflict. He said, “I would certainly not do first strike. Once the nuclear alternative happens, it’s over.” That was not news... what is clear is that Trump is considered a serious threat to the status quo maintained by the vast national security machine that runs the United States, regardless of who is in the White House. The CIA wants him beaten. The Pentagon wants him beaten. The media wants him beaten. Even his own party wants him beaten. He is a threat to the rulers of the world – unlike Clinton who has left no doubt she is prepared to go to war with nuclear-armed Russia and China... Without a shred of evidence, she has accused Russia of supporting Trump and hacking her emails.
**[[John Pilger]],  [http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article45752.htm Inside the Invisible Government: War, Propaganda, Clinton &amp; Trump], ''Information Clearing House'', October 28, 2016

*The coming war on [[China]] is likely to happen by mistake or accident as a result of deliberate provocations by the US and its echoes. Under cover of the pandemic, the Trump regime is sending strategic bombers and spy drones within sight of China itself. Our silence is our peril.
**[[John Pilger]],  [https://twitter.com/johnpilger/status/1273141084500250625 Twitter]  (17 June 2020)

*Trump is an unbalanced force. He is the politicized American id. Should his election results match his polls, he would be, unquestionably, the worst thing to happen to the American common culture in my lifetime.
** {{w|John Podhoretz}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}''.

*Donald Trump was so awful, so horrible, so disgusting... His lies, his distortions, his deceits, and his libels thicker and fouler than they've yet been... Since he began running he has demonstrated he knows things we don't know about the emotions roiling in the American underbelly. Maybe he knows this too... He interrupts, he yells over them, he insults them, he goes over his allotted time, and the whirlwind he creates turns into a vacuum that sucks all the air out of the place and right into his attention-whore lungs. 
** {{w|John Podhoretz}}, [http://nypost.com/2016/02/13/trump-was-out-of-control-in-south-carolina-debate/ &quot;Trump was out of control in South Carolina debate&quot;] (13 February 2016), ''{{w|New York Post}}''.

* There is no comparison between the stance of Vietnam’s [[w:Nguyen Xuan Phuc|Prime Minister Nguyen Xuan Phuc]] and U.S. President [[Donald Trump]]: the former had a sober, [[science]]-based attitude, while the latter has consistently laughed off the coronavirus as a simple flu as recently as June 24.
** [[Vijay Prashad]] in [https://consortiumnews.com/2020/07/16/covid-19-why-laos-vietnam-china-have-beaten-the-virus-and-india-brazil-and-the-us-have-not/ COVID-19: Why Laos, Vietnam &amp; China Have Beaten the Virus and India, Brazil and the US Have Not, ''Consortium News''] (16 July 2020)

* It’s not surprising that a criminal like Trump pardons other criminals.  But apparently to get a pardon, one has to be either a Republican, a convicted child murderer or a turkey.
** Senior US District Judge Robert Pratt of the Southern District of Iowa, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-30 |title='A criminal like Trump': Federal judge ridicules President's pardons
 | author= Ryan J. Foley | periodical=The Sydney Morning Herald | url=https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/a-criminal-like-trump-federal-judge-in-iowa-ridicules-trump-s-pardons-20201230-p56qrs.html}}

* Donald Trump and his top [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] allies in [[w:115th United States Congress|Congress]] are fighting a war, and the battle lines have begun to clarify themselves. Their war is not being waged against [[COVID-19]], the [[COVID-19 pandemic|pandemic]] that has [[COVID-19 pandemic deaths|killed]] tens of thousands [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|in this nation]] alone. Their war is being waged against the nation itself, and specifically against areas of the nation that are heavy on [[w:Demographics of the United States|population]] but light on Trump supporters. In other words, the big-city [[w:Red states and blue states|blue states]], whose [[w:Governor (United States)|governors]] have refused to fawn over Trump's gibberish-flecked &quot;leadership&quot; during this crisis.
** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}''

* Trump has been treating the delivery of [[w:U.S. federal government response to the COVID-19 pandemic#Speculative proposals|federal aid]] to the states like his own personal {{w|spoils system}}: rewarding loyalty, punishing critics, and demanding to be praised for doing his job whenever he actually does it, but especially when he doesn't.
** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}''

* If you don’t pay your bills, your bank account stays full. It’s a trick Trump learned a long time ago.
** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}''

* Trump and McConnell know these states are reopening too soon, but they don’t care, because they need to make the money happy. [...] The utter cruelty of these tactics, the nihilistic self-destruction of it in the face of more than 55,000 dead and thousands more to follow, has scarce precedent in the annals of [[U.S. politics]]. Instead of helping the entire country in this time of grievous crisis, Trump and McConnell are putting their boots to the neck of every state they deem ideologically unfit. It will be a damn miracle if the nation survives this, and them.
** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}''

* Mr. Trump, I know you take your business seriously, and I take mine seriously. I hereby hold you in [[civil contempt]]
** Presiding judge [https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/ny-trump-organization-contempt-1.6430134 Donald Trump found in contempt of court in New York civil case] (Apr 25, 2022)

[[File:Vladimir Putin (2020-02-20).jpg|thumb|He's a really brilliant and talented person, without any doubt. It's not our job to judge his qualities, that's a job for American voters, but he's the absolute leader in the presidential race. ~ [[Vladimir Putin]]]]
* '''He's a really brilliant and talented person, without any doubt. It's not our job to judge his qualities, that's a job for American voters, but he's the absolute leader in the presidential race.'''
** [[Vladimir Putin]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/263555-putin-praises-trump-hes-a-really-brilliant-and-talented-person &quot;Putin praises Trump: 'He's a really brilliant and talented person'&quot;] by Neetzan Zimmerman, ''The Hill'' (17 December 2015)

=== R ===

* Donald Trump lost the election fair and square.
** Brad Raffensperger, Republican and top voting official in Georgia, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/sep/25/trump-rally-perry-georgia-republican-raffensperger-herschel-walker &quot;‘He knows he lost’: Georgia Republican braces for Trump rally in Perry&quot;], the Guardian, 25 sept 2021

* There are [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#Side effects|side effects]] to [[hydroxychloroquine]]. It causes psychiatric symptoms, cardiac problems and a host of other bad side effects. [...] There may be a role for it for some people, but to tell Americans ‘you don’t have anything to lose,’ that’s not true. People certainly have something to lose by taking it indiscriminately.
** [[Megan Ranney]], in response to Trump's statement on using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19. Quoted in ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020) by [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''{{w|The New York Times}}''.

*Your reminder that America's richest 1 percent now own half the value of the U.S. stock market. The richest 10 percent own 92 percent.  So when Trump says the stock market is the economy, know who he's really talking about.
**[[Robert Reich]], [https://twitter.com/RBReich/status/1279924108411596802  Twitter,]  (5 Jul 2020)

*As the pandemic surges back, Trump and his lackeys have: 
:—Tried to dismantle the Affordable Care Act 
:—Rallied to pass a $740,000,000,000 defense spending bill 
:—Declined extending additional unemployment benefits to out-of-work Americans 
:Their priorities are crystal clear.
:*[[Robert Reich]], [https://twitter.com/RBReich/status/1279957396115390466 Twitter,]  (5 Jul 2020)

* You may not agree with his authenticity but he's authentic. People like that. He speaks his mind, which reminds me of me once in a while. I think that's something that's refreshing.
** [[Harry Reid]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/269202-reid-praises-trump-for-being-authentic &quot;Reid praises Trump for being 'authentic'&quot;] by Rebecca Savransky, ''The Hill'' (11 February 2016)

*He presents himself as a Strong Man who promises to knock heads and make things right again. In this, he has a lot more in common with South American populist demagogues than with our tradition of political leaders... The middle-class consensus in America has collapsed. This is the most important political and social earthquake since World War II. The conservative movement's leadership isn't up to the challenge, and a good number of voters are willing to gamble on Trump's bluster. Bad bet. Our nation's solidarity is being tested. It will only make things worse if we go Trumpster diving.
**R.R. Reno, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* For anyone to compare their 'sacrifice' to a [[w:Service flag|Gold Star]] family member is insulting, foolish and ignorant. Especially someone who has never served himself and has no children serving, our county has been at war for a decade and a half and the truth is most Americans have sacrificed nothing. Most of them are smart and grounded enough to admit it.
** [[w:Paul Rieckoff|Paul Rieckoff]], in response to Trump's comparison of his sacrifices with those of someone like [[Khizr M. Khan]] — ''[http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-father-fallen-soldier-ive-made-lot/story?id=41015051 Donald Trump to Father of Fallen Soldier: 'I've Made a Lot of Sacrifices']'', ''{{w|ABC News}}'' (July 30, 2016)

* He is a successful man for a reason. He's actually created a dialogue [and] forced conversations. He has gotten more people engaged in the political process and current events and what's going on in the world than anyone else has for a long time. More people are engaged than ever before. I think whether you agree with Donald or you don't agree with Donald, he starts conversations. That's what democracy is — you've got to get people engaged to make this country run.
** {{w|Melissa Rivers}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/262626-melissa-rivers-trump-is-a-successful-man-for-a-reason &quot;Melissa Rivers: Trump is ‘a successful man for a reason'&quot;] by Mark Hensch, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015)

* With all his talent, and the ability to raise money and draw large crowds, the President still lives in an alternate reality.  He really does. People say, 'Well he lies about this, that and the other.' But he isn't lying. To him, that's the truth.
** Pat Robertson, televangelist, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/22/politics/pat-robertson-trump-2020-election/index.html  &quot;Televangelist Pat Robertson says Trump lives in an 'alternate reality' and should move on from election loss&quot;] by Veronica Stracqualursi and Jason Hoffman, ''CNN'' (22 December 2020)

* He has by far the largest voice and a big impact in my party. I don't know if he's planning to run in 2024 or not, but if he does, I'm pretty sure he would win the nomination.
** [[Mitt Romney]], as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/02/24/politics/mitt-romney-donald-trump-gop-2024/index.html &quot;What Mitt Romney gets *exactly* right about Donald Trump&quot;], Chris Cillizza, CNN, 25 February 2021

*It's impossible to ignore the conspicuous regularity with which Donald Trump issues intentionally provocative, news-cycle-dominating comments. It's equally difficult to look past their timing, which tends to often coincide with scandalous revelations that reflect poorly on Democratic politicians... This is far from an isolated event; it's a pattern. First, a Democrat becomes embroiled in a controversy or an external event reflects negatively on the party. Donald Trump then makes an outrageous comment calculated for maximum political impact. Like clockwork, the press abandons their critical examination of Democratic policies, and Republicans are back at each other's throats. This is a measurable phenomenon. In just the last six months, there are almost too many examples to count.
**Noah Rothman, [https://www.commentarymagazine.com/politics-ideas/campaigns-elections/many-times-donald-trump-rescued-democrats/ &quot;The Many Times Trump Rescued Dems&quot;] (8 December 2015), ''Commentary''

* Mr. Trump lacks the focus or self-discipline to do the basic work required of a president. His chronic impulsiveness is apparently unstoppable and clearly self-defeating.
** {{W|Karl Rove}}, Republican strategist, [https://www.wsj.com/articles/political-death-by-1-000-tweets-1496875182 Political Death by 1,000 Tweets], in the {{W|Wall Street Journal}}, June 7, 2017

* Donald Trump, champion and avatar of the shallow state, has won power because his supporters are threatened by what they don't understand, and what they don't understand is almost everything. Indeed, from evolution to data about our economy to the science of vaccines to the threats we face in the world, they reject vast subjects rooted in fact in order to have reality conform to their worldviews. They don't dig for truth; they skim the media for anything that makes them feel better about themselves. To many of them, knowledge is not a useful tool but a cunning barrier elites have created to keep power from the average man and woman. The same is true for experience, skills, and know-how. These things require time and work and study and often challenge our systems of belief. Truth is hard; shallowness is easy.
** [[w:David Rothkopf|David Rothkopf]], [http://foreignpolicy.com/2017/02/22/the-shallow-state-trump/ &quot;The Shallow State,&quot;] Foreign Policy, February 22, 2017.

* I think it's time for a war president. Republicans, conservatives and Christians, and capitalist, any who love capitalism, any who loves America, patriots, I think we need a war president and I think God sent us someone named Donald Trump, I think he's perfect for this election. We needed someone who is a bit coarse and foul-mouthed and vicious and fights with a gun in a gunfight, not with a knife in a gun fight.
** {{w|Wayne Allyn Root}} [https://soundcloud.com/rightwingwatch/wayne-allyn-root-donald-trump-is-a-vicious-vengeful-foul-mouthed-war-president-sent-by-god] (August 8, 2016)

* Voldemort was nowhere near as bad.
** [[J.K. Rowling]], [https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/674196610683940864 ''Twitter'' post] (8 December 2015)

* Dishonesty is Trump's hallmark: He claimed that he had spoken clearly and boldly against going into Iraq. Wrong, he spoke in favor of invading Iraq. He said he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating [[9/11]]. Wrong, he saw no such thing. He imagined it. His is not the temperament of a stable, thoughtful leader. His imagination must not be married to real power.
* We have long referred to him as &quot;The Donald.&quot; He is the only person in America to whom we have added an article before his name. It wasn't because he had attributes we admired.
** [[Mitt Romney]], remarks on Donald Trump and the 2016 race at the {{w|University of Utah}}. [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/03/full-transcript-mitt-romneys-remarks-on-donald-trump-and-the-2016-race-220176] (March 3, 2016)

=== S ===
[[File:Bernie Sanders.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump...his entire political strategy is to divide the American people...So you have a president who gives tax breaks to billionaires...who tried to throw 32 million people off health care...who gave 83 percent of the tax benefits to the top one percent...So how do you win an election? What do you say — You see those undocumented people, they all your enemy. 'Stand with me. Hate them. Let's divide this country up.' ~ [[Bernie Sanders]] ]]
*What '''[Donald Trump]''' is doing and this is '''his entire political strategy is to divide the American people''' up based on where we came...'''So you have a president who gives tax breaks to billionaires''' and wants to cut Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. That's not what he's going to run on. You've got a president '''who tried to throw 32 million people off health care'''. He ain't gonna run on that one. You got a president '''who gave 83 percent of the tax benefits to the top one percent''', not going to run on that one. '''So how do you win an election? What do you say — You see those undocumented people, they all your enemy. 'Stand with me. Hate them. Let's divide this country up.'''' I think that is an incredibly ugly and dangerous thing to be done. And I will do everything I can to stop that.&quot;
**[https://www.newsweek.com/stand-me-hate-them-bernie-sanders-says-trumps-reelection-plan-based-dividing-country-1445407 ''Stand With Me. Hate Them: Bernie Sanders says Trump's Relection Plan is Based on Dividing the Country, Newsweek,'' Chris Morran] (23 June 2019) 

*Attacks on oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman are unacceptable and must be fully investigated... but this incident must not be used as a pretext for a war with Iran, a war which would be an unmitigated disaster for the United States, Iran, the region, and the world... The time is now for the United States to exert international leadership,... and bring the countries in the region together to forge a diplomatic solution to the growing tensions...I would also remind President Trump that there is no congressional authorization for a war with Iran... A unilateral U.S. attack on Iran would be illegal and unconstitutional.
** [[Bernie Sanders]], [https://www.commondreams.org/news/2019/06/14/trump-must-not-be-allowed-use-gulf-oman-incidents-pretext-illegal-war-iran-bernie ''Trump Must Not Be Allowed to Use Gulf of Oman Incidents as 'Pretext for Illegal War With Iran': Bernie Sanders, Common Dreams'', Andrea Germanos,] (14 June 2019)

* I think that the American people are never going to elect a president who insults [[Mexicans]], who insults [[Muslims]], who insults women, who insults [[African-American]]s. And let us not forget that several years ago, Trump was in the middle of the so- called [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|birther movement]], trying to delegitimize the president of the United States of America. You know, I find it very interesting, Karen, my dad was born in [[Poland]]. I know a little bit about the immigrant experience. Nobody has ever asked me for my birth certificate. Maybe it has something to do with the [[color]] of my skin.
** [[Bernie Sanders]], Democratic Presidential Debate in Miami. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/us/politics/transcript-democratic-presidential-debate.html?_r=0 transcript] by ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (March 9, 2016)

* In this country, [[immigration]] reform is a very hot [[debate]]. It's divided the country. But I would [[hope]] very much, that as we have that debate, we do not, as Donald Trump and others have done, resort to [[racism]] and [[xenophobia]] and [[bigotry]]. '''This idea of suddenly, one day or maybe a night, rounding up 11 million people and taking them outside of this country is a vulgar, absurd idea that I would hope very few people in America support.'''
** [[Bernie Sanders]], Democratic Presidential Debate in Miami. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/us/politics/transcript-democratic-presidential-debate.html?_r=0 transcript] by ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (March 9, 2016)

* When you have Republican candidates for president and in Congress telling you that climate change is a hoax, which is Donald Trump and other candidates' position, what they are really saying is, we don't have the guts to take on the fossil fuel industry. ... You know what happens to that Republican who listens to the scientists? On that day, that Republican loses his campaign funding from the [[w:Koch family|Koch brothers]] and the fossil fuel industry.
** [[Bernie Sanders]], Democratic Presidential Debate in Miami. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/us/politics/transcript-democratic-presidential-debate.html?_r=0 transcript] by ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (March 9, 2016)

* Donald Trump is a pathological liar.
** [[Bernie Sanders]], [https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/779795585641615360] (September 24, 2016)

* Yes, we must donate and volunteer and protest and vote, all while reminding ourselves daily that [[Hillary Clinton]] won the popular vote. And we must commit to defending our friends, neighbors, and coworkers who are immigrants (documented or not), Muslims (American born, immigrants, or refugees), people of color, women seeking reproductive health care, trans men and women seeking safety, lesbian and gay men seeking to protect their families, and everyone and everything else Trump has threatened to harm, up to and including the planet we all live on.
: But we must make time for [[joy]] and [[pleasure]] and [[laughter]] and [[friends]] and [[food]] and [[art]] and [[music]] and [[sex]]. During the darkest days of the [[HIV/AIDS]] epidemic, when Republicans and religious conservatives controlled the federal government and were doing everything in their power to harm the sick and dying, [[queer]]s organized and protested and volunteered and mourned. We also made music and theater and art. We took care of each other, and we danced and loved and fucked. Embracing joy and art and sex in the face of fear and uncertainty made us feel better—it kept us sane—and it had the added benefit of driving our enemies crazy. They couldn't understand how we could be anything but miserable, given the challenges we faced—their greed, their indifference, their bigotry—but we created and experienced joy despite their hatred and despite this awful disease. We turned to each other—we turned to our lovers and friends and sometimes strangers—and said, &quot;Fuck them. Now fuck me.&quot;
: [...] We may never eradicate racism and sexism and hatred. But fight it we will. And don't listen to anyone who tells you that music and dance and art and sex and joy are a distraction from the fight. They are a part of the fight.
:* [[Dan Savage]], [http://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2016/11/15/24691092/savage-love ''Mourning in America''], ''Savage Love'' column, ''The Stranger'', 15 November 2016

* [[Winston Churchill]] of our time.
** [[Michael Savage]] — {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-29
 | title = Savage: Trump is 'Winston Churchill of our time'
 | newspaper = WND
 | url = http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/savage-trump-is-winston-churchill-of-our-time/
}}

* I found that when I was briefing him, I had to put pictures of him in the briefing. When I put the pictures in, it was a good sign, and when I didn’t put the pictures in, you couldn’t get him to focus on it.
* Here’s the bad news, though. Even if you got him to focus on it, he wouldn’t listen to you anyway because he’s so maniacally narcissistic. 
** Anthony Scaramucci, former White House Communications Director serving under Trump, as quoted by David Smith, {{citation
 | date = 2020-07-17
 | title = 'The guy stinks and he’s a racist': Anthony Scaramucci on Donald Trump
 | newspaper = the Guardian
 | url = https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2020/jul/17/the-guy-stinks-and-hes-a-racist-anthony-scaramucci-on-donald-trump
}}

* No two people on this planet seem less concerned with criticism, more content with themselves, or more oblivious to the obscenity of the words they speak. 
** Dave Schilling on Donald Trump and [[Sarah Palin]], [http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jan/20/sarah-palin-donald-trump-endorsement-speech-quotes &quot;Apocalypse now: Sarah Palin's bizarre Trump endorsement analyzed&quot;] (20 January 2016), ''The Guardian''.

* He does look like he's the last hope [for America]. We don't hear anybody saying what he's saying. In fact, most of the people who ought to be lining up with him are attacking him. They're probably jealous of the amount of press coverage he gets. But the reason he gets so much press coverage is the grassroots are fed up with people who are running things, and they do want a change. They do want people to stand up for America. It really resonates when he says he wants to 'Make America Great Again.'
** [[Phyllis Schlafly]], as quoted in [http://www.wnd.com/2015/12/top-conservative-trump-is-last-hope-for-america/ &quot;Phyllis Schlafly: Trump is 'last hope for America'&quot;], ''WND'' (21 December 2015)

* It [Trump University] was a classic bait-and-switch scheme
** State Attorney General [[w:Eric Schneiderman|Eric Schneiderman]] in [https://money.cnn.com/2016/03/08/news/trump-university-controversy-donald-trump/ Trump University controversy ... in 2 minutes] March 8, 2016

*Donald Trump and I have known each other 25 years. I marched on him with Central Park Five. I dealt with him on the birther issue. He can say what he wants. He called me a troublemaker? Yes. I make trouble for bigots. I made trouble for him with Central Park. I made trouble with him for birtherism. I'm going to keep making trouble for bigots. As far as me being a con man, if he really thought I was a con man, he'd be nominating me for his cabinet.
** [[Al Sharpton]], as quoted in [https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2019/7/29/1875148/-Al-Sharpton-If-Trump-really-thought-I-was-a-con-man-he-d-be-nominating-me-for-his-cabinet Al Sharpton: 'If Trump really thought I was a con man, he'd be nominating me for his cabinet'], ''Daily Kos'' (29 July 2019).

*If Donald Trump becomes the next [[President of the United States|president]] of [[United States|the U.S.]] it would be a complete disaster... I think he is acting like another Hitler by inciting racism... I remember how upset the world was when the Berlin Wall was erected in 1961 and now everybody is building walls again to keep people out. It's absurd.
**Eva Schloss, Anne Frank's step-sister, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/27/politics/anne-frank-donald-trump-adolf-hitler/ interview with ''Newsweek''] (January 2016)

*I put lipstick on a pig. I feel a deep sense of remorse that I contributed to presenting Trump in a way that brought him wider attention and made him more appealing than he is. I genuinely believe that if Trump wins and gets the [[w:Gold Codes|nuclear codes]], there is an excellent [[possibility]] it will lead to the [[w:Global catastrophic risk|end of civilization]].
**[[Tony Schwartz (author)|Tony Schwartz]], as quoted in ''[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/25/donald-trumps-ghostwriter-tells-all Donald Trump's Ghostwriter Tells All]'' (July 25, 2016) by {{w|Jane Mayer}}, ''{{w|The New Yorker}}''.

* There are two Trumps. The one he presents to the [[world]] is all bluster, {{w|bullying}} and certainty. The other, which I have long felt haunts his inner world, is the [[frightened]] [[child]] of a relentlessly critical and bullying [[w:Fred Trump|father]] and a distant and disengaged [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|mother]] who couldn't or wouldn't protect him.
** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/global/commentisfree/2018/jan/18/fear-donald-trump-us-president-art-of-the-deal I wrote The Art of the Deal with Trump. He's still a scared child]'' (18 January 2018), ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

* Trump's [[temperament]] and his habits have hardened with age. He was always cartoonish, but compared with the man for whom I wrote [[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|The Art of the Deal]] 30 years ago, he is significantly [[angrier]] today: more reactive, deceitful, distracted, vindictive, impulsive and, above all, self-absorbed – assuming the last is possible.
** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/global/commentisfree/2018/jan/18/fear-donald-trump-us-president-art-of-the-deal I wrote The Art of the Deal with Trump. He's still a scared child]'' (18 January 2018), ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

* Fear is the [[hidden]] through-line in Trump's [[life]] – fear of [[weakness]], of inadequacy, of [[failure]], of [[criticism]] and of insignificance. He has spent his life trying to outrun these fears by &quot;[[winning]]&quot; – as he puts it – and by redefining [[reality]] whenever the facts don't serve the narrative he seeks to create. It hasn't worked, but not for lack of effort.
** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/global/commentisfree/2018/jan/18/fear-donald-trump-us-president-art-of-the-deal I wrote The Art of the Deal with Trump. He's still a scared child]'' (18 January 2018), ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

* Whatever happens, may the worst of Trump [[inspire]] the best in us.
** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/global/commentisfree/2018/jan/18/fear-donald-trump-us-president-art-of-the-deal I wrote The Art of the Deal with Trump. He's still a scared child]'' (18 January 2018), ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

* Lying is second nature to him.  More than anyone else I have ever met, Trump has the ability to convince himself that whatever he is saying at any given moment is true, or sort of true, or at least ought to be true.
** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.thejournal.ie/trump-ghostwriter-regrets-art-of-the-deal-2884723-Jul2016/ 'Lying is second nature to him': Trump's ghostwriter regrets penning Art of the Deal]'' (19 July 2016), ''{{w|TheJournal.ie}}''.

* President Trump sought to overturn the results of an election, of a fair election. He sought a coup by misleading people with lies.
* President Trump is a failed leader. He will go down in history as the worst President ever.
** Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Republican governor, quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-01-11
 | title = Arnold Schwarzenegger calls Trump 'worst president' ever, 'failed leader' after Capitol riot
 | newspaper = abc7
 | url = https://abc7.com/politics/arnold-schwarzenegger-calls-trump-worst-president-ever/9533922/
}}{{dead link}}

* He is neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational art, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he a soldier. Other than that, he's a great military man.
** [[Norman Schwarzkopf, Jr.]], in ''The New York Times'', February 28, 2017.

* Trump wants to institute a ban that will keep all Muslims out of America... Of course such a ban will not come to pass. The Constitution forbids it. Republicans and Democrats oppose it. Even Israeli politicians, who have a far longer history of confronting terrorism, have chided him for equating Islam with terrorism... Republicans support Trump because he appears to be authentic, isn't afraid to tell it like it is and is not worried about being politically correct. I see the opposite. He isn't authentic, he is cynically opportunistic.
** Khosrow Semnani, [http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865643874/Trump7s-fear-mongering-threatens-Republican-Party.html?pg=all &quot;My view: Trump's Fear-Mongering Threatens Republican Party&quot;] (17 December 2015), ''Deseret News''

* Their cruelty made them feel good, it made them feel proud, it made them feel happy. And it made them feel closer to one another…Their shared laughter at the suffering of others is an adhesive that binds them to one another, and to Trump.
** [[Adam Serwer]], The Cruelty Is the Point: The Past, Present, and Future of Trump's America (2021)

* Donald Trump, whose uncritical support for Israel and belief that America is fundamentally a nation for white Christians exacerbates a divide between the two largest Jewish populations in the world.
** [[Adam Serwer]], The Cruelty Is the Point: The Past, Present, and Future of Trump's America (2021)

*And [then] you end up in idiocies like Donald Trump on stage waiving around a Bible, pretending he gives a damn what's in it. Right, after two marriages, and several adulterous affairs, and all that and bragging about having his experiences with married women; standing up there with a Bible and going 'this is an even better book than the odd of the deals'.&quot;
** {{w|Ben Shapiro}}, ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rQ_mphb7HU Ben Shapiro on Gay Marriage, Gun Control, and Piers Morgan]'', The Rubin Report on ''{{w|YouTube}}''. (12:39 to 13:07) (February 18, 2016) 

* We know Hillary will be a terrible, hard-core ideological leftist; there is probably a 75 percent chance that Trump would govern less badly than Hillary. There is also a 25 percent chance that Trump would do something so catastrophically awful that he seriously harmed the country in ways Hillary wouldn't dream of. His trade policy alone could cast America back into recession; his foreign policy is a shambles. Any talk of him listening to advisers must be based on conjecture — so far, Trump hasn't just been a bull in a china shop, he's been a tank in a glass factory.
** {{w|Ben Shapiro}}, ''[http://www.nationalreview.com/article/438623/conservatisms-moral-crisis-defending-trumps-lies Conservatism's Sad and Ugly Transformation into Trumpism]'', ''{{w|National Review}}'' (August 3, 2016)

*We have predicted nine of his last eight stumbles, and they have yet to all materialize... I think it's more than childish and juvenile and adolescent. There is something creepy about this, his attitude toward women. Take Megyn Kelly of FOX News, who he just has an absolute obsession about, and he's constantly writing about, you know, how awful she is and no talent and this and that. It's an obsession. And I don't know if he's just never had women — strong, independent women in his life who have spoken to him. It doesn't seem that way. His daughter... But there is something really creepy about this that's beyond locker room. It's almost like a stalker, and I just — I thought this was — it actually did the impossible. It made Ted Cruz look like an honorable, tough guy on the right side of an issue.
** Mark Shields, as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-trump-cruz-wife-feud-isis-terror-in-brussels/ &quot;Shields and Brooks on Trump-Cruz wife feud, ISIS terror in Brussels&quot;] (25 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour''

* I've known Donald for a few decades, and what you can say without argument is that he's a good father. His kids have turned out really well. There's nothing bad you can say about that.
** [[Gene Simmons]], [http://radio.com/2016/07/06/gene-simmons-on-trump-hes-a-good-father/ Interview with ''Radio.com''] (July 6, 2016)

* [Trump] is not someone who would rule justly or wisely. His track record shows that he is a man of coveting and self-serving – a liar and a cheat should not hold that position.
** Art Sisneros, Republican member of the Electoral College who resigned rather than vote for Trump.[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/nov/30/faithless-electors-electoral-college-donald-trump Teen becomes seventh 'faithless elector' to protest Trump as president-elect] at ''{{w|the Guardian}}'', November 30 2016

* Quite simply: there never would have been a president Donald Trump without talkshow host [[Rush Limbaugh]] paving the way
** [[Michael Smerconish]] on [[CNN]]  &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxF_SN2-zyc [[YouTube]]  video]&quot; (February 20, 2021)

* A great leader treats people with respect even when they present different opinions. Without a variety of views and opinions, we would have no innovation or creativity in our nation. Being a bully and being strong are not the same thing. Being strong is standing up for your convictions. Being a bully is trying to intimidate those who are perceived to be weaker or a threat. As a proud nerd, I had to deal with bullies over many years; it is tragedy watching our world suffer from one.  In addition, President Trump lacks a moral compass. He ignores the truth.
** Rick Snyder, Republican governor of Michigan from 2011 to 2018.  [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/09/03/rick-snyder-why-im-voting-joe-biden-even-republican-column/5696508002/ Former Michigan governor Rick Snyder: I am a Republican vote for Biden] at USA Today, September 3 2020

*It's very difficult to respond in a serious way to any statement that's made by Donald Trump.
** [[Edward Snowden]] in response to Trump calling Snowden &quot;a total traitor&quot; and &quot;a bad guy&quot; and saying &quot;there is still a thing called execution.&quot;
**&quot;[http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/sep/03/edward-snowden-hillary-clinton-email-server Edward Snowden says Hillary Clinton 'ridiculous' to think emails were secure]&quot;, ''The Guardian'' (3 September 2015)

* Donald Trump is a thin-skinned reality TV star with an authoritarian streak.
** Robby Soave, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/06/01/opinions/third-party-candidate-options-robby-soave/index.html &quot;Don't fall for 'lesser of two evils' argument&quot;] (1 June 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network

* He is, as of this writing, the most mocked man in the world. (...) He is the {{W|The Fisherman and His Wife|old fisherman's wife who wished for everything and sooner or later he will end up with nothing}}.
**{{w|Rebecca Solnit}}, [http://lithub.com/rebecca-solnit-the-loneliness-of-donald-trump/ The Loneliness of Donald Trump], May 30, 2017

* Let me put this in language Donald Trump understands... You're a loser. You're a third-rate politician, who clearly doesn't understand issues, and is so scared of Megyn Kelly exposing it, that you're looking to use veterans to protect you from facing her questions.
** Jon Soltz, [https://www.yahoo.com/politics/veterans-to-trump-were-not-your-megyn-kelly-170202551.html ''VoteVets''] (January 2016)

* Donald Trump is the son of a rich father, who was raised on money since he was a child. I grew up in wealth too. My father would jokingly warn me when I was a child, &quot;Don’t be like Trump.&quot;
** {{w|Alexander Soros}}, interviewed by Nahum Barnea for {{w|YNet}}, [https://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-5241290,00.html &quot;Why they hate George Soros&quot;].

*In a country with more than 300 million people, it is remarkable how obsessed the media have become with just one—Donald Trump. What is even more remarkable is that, after seven years of repeated disasters, both domestically and internationally, under a glib egomaniac in the White House, so many potential voters are turning to another glib egomaniac to be his successor.
**[[Thomas Sowell]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* I had some friends over for dinner and we were of course talking about Trump. People are saying, we don't think Trump's going to be the nominee. I said, I'll tell you what: I think he is. I'll tell you why I think he's going to be the nominee: he's proven that no matter what he says, people dig him. ... I think more or less, people are super tired of politicians, meaning that they like the idea of a successful businessman running the country who might actually be able to get shit done.
** [[Howard Stern]] — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-24
 | author = Matt Wilstein
 | title = Howard Stern Predicts Trump Will Be GOP Nominee: He 'Gets Sh*t Done'
 | newspaper = Mediaite.com
 | url = http://www.mediaite.com/online/howard-stern-predicts-trump-will-be-gop-nominee-he-gets-sht-done/
}}

*His stance on Muslim immigration, which he would cease until the terror threat is brought under control, is racist. Trump does not care about the things that regular conservatives have dedicated their lives to fighting for: controls on abortion, protection of marriage, reform of the healthcare market. His inclination towards expanding the government and putting it on the side of his people isn't terribly constitutional. And his claim in a debate that the purpose of conservatism is to conserve wealth is spiritually impoverished. The Republican Party needs to stop him; and sooner rather than later.
**Timothy Stanley, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/02/10/opinions/donald-trump-republican-party-stanley/index.html &quot;Donald Trump can win &amp;ndash; and he must be stopped&quot;] (10 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network

*In the past few months, a Republican front-runner has emerged who has praised Planned Parenthood, pushed elements of a big spending agenda and questioned the neoconservative agenda. There's a case for saying that some or all of these were in need of analysis and revision. But Trump has taken a wrecking ball to the American conservative movement that threatens to leave it in pieces. It's a revolutionary moment and, unless I'm very much mistaken, conservatives are not supposed to be the revolutionaries. They exist to bring order to chaos, rationality over passion. Trump seems to exist to &quot;mix things up.&quot; He is &quot;nasty&quot; and &quot;fun&quot; - although more the former than the latter. His enthusiasm for torture is unpleasant to say the least.
**Timothy Stanley, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/20/opinions/trump-south-carolina-victory-opinion-timothy-stanley/index.html &quot;Trump is blowing up conservatism - can he be stopped?&quot;] (21 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network

*In January 2018, the experts at the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moved the hands of the Doomsday Clock to two minutes before midnight, where it had stood during the darkest days of the Cold War, from 1953 to 1960. The latest move of the hands was precipitated by the recklessness in Trump's nuclear thinking... Trump wondered aloud about the point of having nuclear weapons if he couldn't use them.&lt;BR&gt; His answer was to make them more usable, which he did with his new Nuclear Posture Review (NPR), the first since Obama's 2010 NPR, which had reduced the role of nuclear weapons in the US defense posture. The 2018 NPR significantly elevated their role, permitting use in response to vaguely defined &quot;extreme circumstances,&quot; such as cyberattacks or attacks on the infrastructure of both the United States and its &quot;allies and partners.&quot; The review doubled down on Obama's unconscionable 30-year trillion-dollar modernization of all parts of the nuclear arsenal. The actual cost looks to be closer to $1.7 trillion and climbing. To make matters worse, all eight other nuclear powers are undertaking their own modernizations, though on a far more modest scale. Russia, it should be noted, actually cut its defense spending this past year.
*On top of this, we have the rapid and accelerating drift toward planetary disaster exacerbated by the climate change–denying troglodytes in the Trump administration. 
**[https://www.thenation.com/article/untold-history-of-the-united-states-rerelease/ ''2 Minutes and Counting, Crises that seemed contained not long ago have now spiraled out of control—and the prospects for resolving them peacefully look depressingly bleak, the Nation,'']  [[w:Oliver Stone|Oliver Stone]] and [[w:Peter Kuznick|Peter Kuznick]], (April 2019)

* Trump is not just a wacky politician of the far right, or a riveting television spectacle, or a Twitter phenom and bizarre working-class hero. He is not just another candidate to be parsed and analyzed by TV pundits in the same breath as all the others. '''In terms of our [[liberal democracy]] and constitutional order, Trump is an extinction-level event. It's long past time we started treating him as such.'''
** [[Andrew Sullivan]], in [http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/04/america-tyranny-donald-trump.html &quot;America Has Never Been So Ripe for Tyranny&quot; in ''New York'' (2 May 2016)]

* Trump is, of course, a master of distraction and {{w|media ma­nipu­la­tion}}. It's possible to resist being his chump, but it takes continued self-regulation.
** [[Margaret Sullivan (journalist)|Margaret Sullivan]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/journalists-in-the-age-of-trump-lose-the-smugness-keep-the-mission/2016/11/29/1ee85a28-b64b-11e6-a677-b608fbb3aaf6_story.html Journalists in the age of Trump: Lose the smugness, keep the mission.]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (November 29, 2016)

* The press often will ask me if I think Donald Trump is crazy. And I’ll say it this way: I don't think he’s so crazy that you could put him in a mental institution. But I think if he were in one, he ain’t getting out!
** [[w:Chris Sununu | Chris Sununu]], Republican, governor in New Hampshire, quoted in [https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2022/04/03/a-night-of-laughter-and-cringe-at-the-gridiron-00022578 &quot;POLITICO Playbook: A night of laughter and cringe at the Gridiron&quot;], Politico, 4 April 2022

* Premise: [[Twitter]]  did @[[Glenn Youngkin]]  a solid by banning Donald Trump from tweeting, since voters were not reminded of the bogeyman himself, not via [[McAuliffe]]’s lame efforts, but in daily insanities. Discuss and vote! 
** [[w:Kara Swisher|Kara Swisher]] via a [https://twitter.com/karaswisher/status/1455912695899766784 tweet] (November 3, 2021)

*But at some point—if you understand, and this is not just ideological, it's not just the fact that he's abandoned one position after another or that he has the penchant for internet hoaxes or conspiracy theories. I mean a week ago tonight, remember, he was peddling the notion that Ted Cruz's dad had something do with the JFK assassination. So there are people who say that just because of party loyalty we're supposed to forget all of that. I just don't buy that. Because I've cautioned my fellow conservatives, you embrace Donald Trump, you embrace it all. You embrace every slur, every insult, every outrage, every falsehood. You're going to spend the next six months defending, rationalizing, evading all that. And afterwards, you come back to women, to minorities, to young people and say, that wasn't us. That's not what we're about. The reality is, if you support him to be president of the United States, that is who you are, and you own it.
**Charlie Sykes, on [http://www.weeklystandard.com/sykes-if-you-embrace-trump-you-embrace-every-slur-insult-outrage-falsehood/article/2002334 ''The Kelly File''] (2016), FOX News

=== T ===
*All of Trump's constant bragging about his money and his poll numbers and his virility speak directly to this surprisingly vibrant middle American fantasy about a castrated white America struggling to re-grow its mojo... as basketball star turned pundit Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pointed out earlier this week, PC isn’t a new thing, or even a thing at all. It’s just an “emotional challenge every generation has had to go through.” We get older, our kids correct our bad habits, it happens. Not to Trump’s supporters. They’ve turned some minor cultural changes into a vast conspiracy of white victimhood. They're eating up Trump's ''Make America Great Again'' theme, which one supporter hilariously explained must be his true goal, because 'it's on his hat', because it's a fantasy tale of a once-great culture ruined by an invasion of mongrel criminals.
**Matt Taibbi, [http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-gop-is-now-officially-the-party-of-dumb-white-people-20150904 &quot;The Republicans Are Now Officially the Party of White Paranoia&quot;], ''Rolling Stone''.

* The [[Biden]] team is trying to go on with business as usual, but at some point, barring Trump getting a personality transplant, this is going to come to a head. The President is refusing to concede, he is refusing to allow the transition process to begin...
** [[w:Jake Tapper|Jake Tapper]] on CNN's [https://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2020/11/18/lead-warner-live-jake-tapper.cnn The lead with Jake Tapper (video)] November 18, 2020 at 4:22et

* What we saw week in and week out, for me, after two and a half years in that administration, was terrifying. We would go in to try to talk to him about a pressing national security issue -- cyberattack, terrorism threat -- he wasn't interested in those things. To him, they weren't priorities.
* Given what I have experienced in the administration, I have to support Joe Biden for president and even though I am not a Democrat, even though I disagree on key issues, I'm confident that Joe Biden will protect the country and I'm confident that he won't make the same mistakes as this President.
* I saw firsthand how dangerous Trump is for America.
** Miles Taylor, who served as chief of staff to Department of Homeland Security Secretary in the Trump administration from 2017 to 2019.  Quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2020-08-17
 | author = Gillian Turner, Paul Steinhauser
 | title = Former senior Trump administration official backs Biden
 | newspaper = Fox News
 | url = https://www.foxnews.com/politics/former-senior-trump-administration-official-backs-biden
}}

* What we saw week in and week out and for me after two and a half years in that administration was terrifying
** Miles Taylor, former DHS chief of staff [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/miles-taylor-homeland-security-trump-terrifying/ on CBS News]
 
* [T]he media always is taking Trump literally. It never takes him seriously, but it always takes him literally. I think a lot of the voters who vote for Trump take Trump seriously, but not literally.
** [[Peter Thiel]], [http://www.press.org/sites/default/files/20161031_thiel.pdf Speech at the National Press Club] (October 31, 2016)

*Trump has given more than $100,000 to the Democratic House and Senate campaign committees. In 2006, the year Democrats took back Congress, he gave $25,000 to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee... Trump wanted Nancy Pelosi to be speaker of the House and Harry Reid the Senate majority leader. Which is not surprising. At the time he made those contributions, from August 2001 to September 2009, Trump was a registered Democrat... Trump continued to support Reid as majority leader in the election immediately after the passage of Obamacare... With all his past support for Democrats, Trump ought to be asked: Will he commit to supporting whoever is the eventual Republican nominee? After all, why should he be welcomed into the Republican fold if he is going to end up throwing his support to Clinton? The fact is, Trump isn't a Democrat or a Republican; he is an opportunist... He's less a candidate than a brand. And running for president is great for the Trump brand, an opportunity for Donald Trump to take the national stage and tell us all how great he is. He pretty much admitted as much during his announcement speech, when he pointed out that some questioned whether he was really as successful as he claimed.
** Marc A. Thiessen, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-donald-trump-helped-democrats-pass-obamacare/2015/06/22/002f4c7c-18ea-11e5-ab92-c75ae6ab94b5_story.html &quot;How Donald Trump helped Democrats pass Obamacare&quot;] (22 June 2015), ''The Washington Post''

*I wanted to like Donald Trump, much as I wanted to like Richard Nixon's vice president, Spiro Agnew. Both men have said many things with which I agree. Agnew attacked media bias, and Trump attacks the establishment's failure to &quot;make America great,&quot; as he nonspecifically puts it. But a proper diagnosis does not equal competence in administering a cure. If I developed a brain tumor, I would want Ben Carson to operate on me, but do I want Donald Trump &quot;operating&quot; on America? Everyone has a temperament. The dictionary defines it as &quot;the combination of mental, physical, and emotional traits of a person.&quot; Would Trump's &quot;combination&quot; make him a good president? I think not.
**Cal Thomas, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination &quot;Conservatives Against Trump&quot;] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''.

* I do think the President committed impeachable offenses.
** Pat Tooomey, Republican senator, quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-01-10
 | author = Kate Sullivan, Nicky Robertson
 | title = Republican Sen. Pat Toomey says he thinks Trump 'committed impeachable offenses'
 | newspaper = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/09/politics/pat-toomey-trump-impeachable-offenses/index.html
}}

* [[w:Criticism of response to the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic|The governments]] that have been negligent from the beginning [...] are afraid of demonstrating their ineptitude in the face of such a health crisis. At the last minute, Trump declared a &quot;[[w:Public health emergency (United States)|national emergency]]&quot; and agreed with the Democrats in Congress on a special package for {{w|sick leave}} and rapid testing. If he appears incompetent in the face of a crisis and thousands of [[w:2019–20 coronavirus pandemic#Deaths|people die]], he could lose the [[2020 United States presidential election|U.S. presidency]], even to Biden.
** [[Trotskyist Fraction – Fourth International]], ''[https://www.leftvoice.org/coronavirus-and-the-healthcare-crisis-our-lives-are-worth-more-than-their-profits Coronavirus and the Healthcare Crisis: Our Lives Are Worth More than Their Profits!]'' (March 14, 2020), ''Left Voice''.

* He's got to condemn this sh*t ASAP. 
* We need an Oval office address. He has to lead now. It has gone too far and gotten out of hand.
** Donald Trump Jr. writing [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/13/politics/trump-jr-text-mark-meadows-january-6/index.html text messages] to White House chief of staff Mark Meadows on January 6 2021, urging Meadows to make Donald Trump stop the attack on the Congress Building.   

* I think he would be a great president... He is one of the most dynamic people in the world. He looks presidential, and he talks presidential, and he would make the changes he promises.
** [[w:Ivana Trump|Ivana Trump]], as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2016-02-11
 | author = Eddie Roche
 | title = Daily Exclusive: Ivana Trump Uncensored
 | newspaper = Daily Front Row
 | url = http://fashionweekdaily.com/daily-exclusive-ivana-trump-uncensored/
}}

* My father is an unbelievable listener, and I don't think people realize that until they actually know him. And he ultimately makes his own decisions and that's what any leader needs to do.
** [[Ivanka Trump]], as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-10-14
 | author = Judy Kurtz
 | title = Ivanka Trump: Dad's conflict with Megyn Kelly 'very sensationalized'
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/256903-ivanka-trump-dads-conflict-with-megyn-kelly-very
}}

* Today, Donald is much as he was at three years old: incapable of growing, learning, or evolving, unable to regulate his emotions, moderate his responses, or take in &amp; synthesize information.
** {{citation
 | date = 2020-07-07
 | author = Mary Trump (niece of Donald Trump)
 | title = The explosive tell-all book by Trump's niece is coming out two weeks earlier than expected
 | newspaper = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/06/media/mary-trump-book-release-date/index.html
}}

* Donald's pathologies are so complex and his behaviors so often inexplicable that coming up with an accurate and comprehensive diagnosis would require a full battery of psychological and neurophysical tests that he'll never sit for
** {{citation
 | date = 2020-07-08
 | author = William Goldschlag, Dan Janison
 | title = Donald Trump's niece: He lies, cheats, is cruel, incompetent and cheap
 | newspaper = Newsday
 | url = https://www.newsday.com/long-island/politics/trump-niece-mary-book-conway-coronavirus-schools-reopening-biden-who-jacksonville-rnc-tiktok-1.46510343
}}

* I have no problem calling Donald a narcissist — he meets all nine criteria.
** Mary Trump, as quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2020-07-14
 | author = Kurt Andersen
 | title = Review: The most devastating thing about Mary Trump’s portrait is her empathy for Donald Trump
 | newspaper = Los Angeles Times
 | url = https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/books/story/2020-07-14/the-most-devastating-thing-about-mary-trumps-portrait-of-trump-is-i
}}

* In order to understand what brought Donald- and all of us- to this point, we need to start with my grandfather and his own need for recognition, a need that propelled him to encourage Donald's reckless hyperbole and unearned confidence that hid Donald's pathological weaknesses and insecurities. As Donald grew up, he was forced to become his own cheerleader, first, because he needed his father to believe he was a better and more confident son than Freddy was; then because Fred required it of him; and finally because he began to believe his own hype, even as he paradoxically suspected on a very deep level that nobody else did. By the time of the election, Donald met any challenges to his sense of superiority with anger, his fear and vulnerabilities so effectively buried that he didn't even have to acknowledge they existed. And he never would.
** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11

* In the 1970s, after my grandfather had already been preferring and promoting Donald for years, the New York media picked up the baton and began disseminating Donald's unsubstantiated hype. In the 1980s, the banks joined in when they began to fund his ventures. Their willingness (and then their need) to foster his increasingly unfounded claims to success hung on the hopes of recouping their losses. After a decade during which Donald floundered, dragged down by bankruptcies and reduced to fronting for a series of failed products from steaks to vodka, the television producer Mark Burnett gave him yet another chance. ''The Apprentice'' traded on Donald's image as the brash, self-made dealmaker, a myth that had been the creation of my grandfather five decades earlier and astonishingly, considering the vast trove of evidence disproving it, had survived into the new millennium almost entirely unaltered. By the time Donald announced his run for the Republican Party nomination in 2015, a significant percentage of the American population had been primed to believe that myth.
** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11

* To this day, the lies, misrepresentations, and fabrications that are the sum total of who my uncle is are perpetuated by the Republican Party and white evangelical Christians. People who know better, such as Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell; true believers, such as Representative Kevin McCarthy, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Attorney General William Barr; and others too numerous to name, have become, unwittingly or not, complicit in their perpetuation.
** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11-12

* The fact is, Donald's pathologies are so complex and his behaviors so often inexplicable that coming up with an accurate and comprehensive diagnosis would require a full battery of psychological and neuropsychological tests that he'll never sit for. At this point, we can't evaluate his day-to-day functioning because he is, in the West Wing, essentially institutionalized. Donald has been institutionalized for most of his adult life, so there is no way to know how he would thrive, or even survive, on his own in the real world. At the end of my aunt's birthday party in 2017, as we lined up for our pictures, I could see that Donald was already under a kind of stress he'd never experienced before. As the pressures upon him have continued to mount over the course of the last three years, the disparity between the level of competence required for running a country and his incompetence has widened, revealing his delusions more starkly than ever before. Many, but by no means all of us, have been shielded until now from the worst effects of his pathologies by a stable economy and a lack of serious crises. But the out-of-control COVID-19 pandemic, the possibility of an economic depression, deepening social divides along political lines thanks to Donald's penchant for division, and devastating uncertainty about our country's future have created a perfect storm of catastrophes that no one is less equipped than my uncle to manage. Doing so would require courage, strength of character, deference to experts, and the confidence to take responsibility and to course correct after admitting mistakes. His ability to control unfavorable situations by lying, spinning, and obfuscating has diminished to the point of impotence in the midst of the tragedies we are currently facing. His egregious and arguably intentional mishandling of the current catastrophe has led to a level of scrutiny and pushback that he's never experienced before, increasing his belligerence and need for petty revenge as he withholds vital funding, personal protective equipment, and ventilators that your tax dollars have paid for from states whose governors don't kiss his ass sufficiently.
** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 13-14

* After the election, Donald called his big sister, ostensibly to find out how he was doing. Of course, he thought he already knew the answer; otherwise he wouldn't have made the call in the first place. He merely wanted her to confirm very strongly that he was doing a fantastic job. When she said, &quot;Not that good,&quot; Donald immediately went on offense. &quot;That's nasty,&quot; he said. She could see the sneer on his face. Then, seemingly apropos of nothing, he asked her, &quot;Maryanne, where would you be without me?&quot; It was a smug reference to the fact that Maryanne owed her first federal judgeship to Donald because Roy Cohn had done him (and her) a favor all those years ago. My aunt has always insisted that she earned her position on the bench entirely on her own merits, and she shot back at him, &quot;If you say that one more time, I will ''level'' you.&quot; But it was an empty threat. Although Maryanne had prided herself on being the only person on the planet Donald ever listened to, those days were long past, which was illustrated not long after, in June 2018. On the eve of Donald's first summit with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, Maryanne called the White House and left a message with his secretary: &quot;Tell him his older sister called with a little sisterly advice. Prepare. Learn from those who know what they are doing. Stay away from Dennis Rodman. And leave his Twitter alone.&quot; He ignored all of it. The ''Politico'' headline the following day read &quot;Trump Says Kim Meeting Will Be About 'Attitude,' Not Prep Work.&quot; If Maryanne had ever had any sway over her little brother, it was gone now. Aside from the requisite birthday call, they didn't speak much after that.
** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 188-189

* Donald was to my grandfather what the border wall as been for Donald: a vanity project funded at the expense of more worthy pursuits.
** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 194

* He's smart, he's tough, he knows what he's doing. He's speaking from his heart. He's the best.
** {{w|Melania Trump}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/263527-melania-trump-not-nervous-for-husband &quot;Melania Trump not nervous for husband&quot;] by Judy Kurtz, ''The Hill'' (16 December 2015)

*Trump's entire personal and professional history is Obama-esque. When it serves his interests, Trump lies. He has lied to business associates, employees, friends, spouses, and now to millions of prospective voters. Anyone who thinks that Trump will not lie to them, or that he will at least tell the truth about 'important things', immigration or ISIS or whatever, is deluding himself. When it becomes expedient for Trump to lie, he will.
**Ian Tuttle, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/431755/donald-trumps-huge-lies &quot;Donald Trump's Huge Lies&quot;], ''National Review''

* After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence.
** Twitter, as quoted by {{citation
 | date = 2021-01-08
 | author = Brian Fung
 | title = Twitter bans President Trump permanently
 | newspaper = CNN Business
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/08/tech/trump-twitter-ban/index.html
}}

* Right now, I’m not sure whether he should stay in place for a week or step down immediately.
** Christian Tybring-Gjedde, quoted in [https://www.thelocal.no/20210107/trump-scares-norwegian-politician-who-nominated-him-for-nobel-peace-prize &quot;Trump 'scares' Norwegian politician who nominated him for Nobel Peace Prize&quot;] 7 January 2021

* We're really good friends, we go back to '86, '87. Most of my successful and best fights were at [[w:Trump International Hotel and Tower|Trump's hotels]]. He didn't manage me, though. He was just helping me with my [[w:Mike Tyson#Rape conviction, prison, and conversion|court case]]. '''We're the same guy, a thrust for power, a drive for power. Whatever field we're in, we need power in that field. That's just who we are. Balls of energy. We're not even who we think we are. We're fire. We're made of this crap—water, motion, dirt, diamonds, emeralds. We're made out of that stuff, can you believe it?'''
* That shit is the real deal. Listen: I'm a black motherfucker from the poorest town in the country. I've been through a lot in life. And I know him. When I see him, he shakes my hand and respects my family. None of them—[[Barack Obama|Barack]], whoever—nobody else does that. They're gonna be who they are and disregard me, my family. So I'm voting for him. If I can get 20,000 people or more to vote for him, I'm gonna do it.
** [[Mike Tyson]], in an interview with {{w|The Daily Caller}}. [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/01/21/mike-tyson-why-i-m-a-muslim-for-donald-trump.html] (January 21, 2016)

=== U ===
[[File:Trump Second Impeachment Vote.png |thumb|President Trump gravely [[endangered]] the [[security]] of the [[United States]] and its [[institutions]] of [[Government]]. He threatened the [[integrity]] of the [[democratic]] [[system]], interfered with the [[peaceful]] transition of [[power]], and imperiled a coequal branch of Government.]]

* President Trump gravely [[endangered]] the [[security]] of the [[United States]] and its [[institutions]] of [[Government]]. He threatened the [[integrity]] of the [[democratic]] [[system]], interfered with the [[peaceful]] transition of [[power]], and imperiled a coequal branch of Government. He thereby betrayed his trust as President, to the manifest [[injury]] of the [[people]] of the United States. &lt;br /&gt; Wherefore, Donald John Trump, by such [[conduct]], has [[demonstrated]] that he will remain a threat to national security, democracy, and [[United States Constitution|the Constitution]] if allowed to remain in office, and has acted in a manner grossly incompatible with self-governance and the [[rule of law]]. Donald John Trump thus warrants [[impeachment]] and [[trial]], removal from office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of [[honor]], [[trust]], or [[profit]] under the United States.
** [[United States Congress|United States House of Representatives]]; the concluding lines of [https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/house-resolution/24/text &quot;H.Res.24 - Impeaching Donald John Trump, President of the United States, for high crimes and misdemeanors&quot;, introduced 11 January 2021, and approved 13 January 2021]

=== V ===
* People no longer trust the career politicians, no longer trust the status-quo because they screwed it up so bad. I loved listening to you talk to those other talking heads about 'Donald Trump could be the destruction of the whole Republican party.' I throw my hands up in the air and cheer. I hope it happens! And I hope [[Bernie Sanders]] is the destruction of the Democratic Party. It's time to break up the two party dictatorship.
** [[Jesse Ventura]] on CNN with Don Lemon, as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-10-07
 | author = Chris Enloe
 | title = Jesse Ventura Wants to Destroy the Political Establishment and He's Named Two Guys to Do It
 | newspaper = IJ Review
 | url = https://www.ijreview.com/2015/10/439711-jesse-ventura-supports-donald-trump-bernie-sanders-destroying-political-establishment/
}}

*We believe your final decision yesterday was the right one — given the so-called &quot;fog of war&quot; and against the background of a long list of intelligence mistakes, not to mention &quot;cooking&quot; shenanigans. We... think Tucker Carlson had it right yesterday evening: &quot;The very people — in some cases, literally the same people who lured us into the Iraq quagmire 16 years ago — are demanding a new war — this one with Iran. Carlson described you as &quot;skeptical.&quot; We believe ample skepticism is warranted.
**[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019)

*After the close call yesterday when you called off the planned military strike on Iran, we remain concerned that you are about to be mousetrapped into war with Iran. You have said you do not want such a war (no sane person would), and our comments below are based on that premise. There are troubling signs that [[Mike Pompeo|Secretary Pompeo]] is not likely to jettison his more warlike approach, More importantly, we know from personal experience with Pompeo's dismissive attitude to instructions from you that his agenda can deviate from yours on issues of major consequence... Pompeo's behavior betrays a strong desire to resort to  military action — perhaps even without your approval — to Iranian provocations (real or imagined), with no discernible strategic goal other than to advance the interests of Israel, Saudi Arabia and the UAE. 
**[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019)

*If Pompeo failed to report back to you on the conversation you instructed him to have with [[William Binney|Binney]], you might ask him about it now (even though the flimsy evidence of Russia hacking the DNC has now evaporated, with Binney vindicated). There were two note-takers present at the October 24, 2017 meeting at CIA headquarters. There is also a good chance the session was also recorded. You might ask Pompeo about that... Binney had the impression Pompeo was simply going through the motions — and disingenuously, at that. If he &quot;really wanted to know about Russian hacking,&quot; he would have acquainted himself with the conclusions that VIPS, with Binney in the lead, had reached in mid-2017, and which apparently caught your eye.... Had he pursued the matter seriously with Binney, we might not have had to wait until the Justice Department itself put nails in the coffin of Russiagate, CrowdStrike, and Comey. In sum, Pompeo could have prevented two additional years of &quot;everyone knows that the Russians hacked into the DNC.&quot; Why did he not?
**[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019)

* We are all Gold Star Families, '''who have lost those we love the most in war. Ours is a sacrifice you will never know. Ours is a sacrifice we would never want you to know.'''
* Your recent comments regarding the Khan family were repugnant, and personally offensive to us. When you question a mother's pain, by implying that her religion, not her grief, kept her from addressing an arena of people, you are attacking us. When you say your job building buildings is akin to our sacrifice, you are attacking our sacrifice. You are not just attacking us, you are cheapening the sacrifice made by those we lost. You are minimizing the risk our service members make for all of us. This goes beyond politics. It is about a sense of decency. That kind decency you mock as &quot;political correctness.&quot;
** [[w:VoteVets.org|VoteVets]]' Gold Star Family Members, open letter to Trump [http://www.votevets.org/press/gold-star-letter] (August 1, 2016)

=== W ===
* We've never had a president whose business created as many potential {{w|conflicts of interest}} as Donald Trump, and at the same time we've never had a president who cared less about conflicts of interest as Donald Trump. Indeed, he and his children are making it quite clear that they will use the presidency as a tool to make as much money as they can. And Republicans, particularly [[United States Congress|Congress]], have apparently decided that if Trump does it, it's okay.
** [[Paul Waldman]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2016/12/05/republicans-are-already-making-it-clear-trump-can-do-whatever-he-wants/?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-f%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&amp;utm_term=.4d816d92b558 Republicans are already making it clear: Trump can do whatever he wants]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 5, 2016)

* Can we get Trump to prove he's a good citizen or we'll deport him?
** {{w|Shannon Wheeler}}, cartoonist, [https://twitter.com/muchcoffee twitted] 10.10

* Trump actually faces unique obstacles as he courts black voters. The mogul has a long history of using racially charged rhetoric and his real estate company was sued for allegedly discriminating against black renters in the 1970s. His stance on Muslims, which has drawn praise from white supremacists, could also prove problematic, since over 25 percent of American Muslims are black.
**Hunter Walker, [https://www.yahoo.com/politics/donald-trump-has-a-huge-1317867072716854.html &quot;Donald Trump has a plan to win ‘100 percent' of the black vote and prove he's not a racist&quot;] (10 December 2015), ''Yahoo! News''

*America has lost more than 12 million jobs in the last six months. An estimated 12 million people have lost their employer-sponsored health insurance during the worst pandemic in a century. Tens of millions report not having enough to eat.  But one month ago, tens of millions of unemployed Americans lost... a $600 weekly federal unemployment insurance benefit that Congress failed to renew...  How can this happen in a democracy? This is a question that everyone who works for a living... might want to consider on this Labor Day... If the facts of this political disaster were more widely known and understood, Republicans could lose not only the presidency but also the Senate in November. After all, millions of unemployed Republicans lost most of their income as a result of what their political party...did... Who would want to be forcing layoffs — potentially totaling millions at the state and local level — during a depression and pandemic? Ask Sen. McConnell and Donald Trump.
**[[Mark Weisbrot]], [https://www.timesfreepress.com/news/opinion/times-commentary/story/2020/sep/06/weisbrot-whour-government-doing-labor/531611/ What is our government doing to labor?], [[w:Chattanooga Times Free Press|Times Free Press]], (6 September 2020)

* You will never hear me say a negative thing about Donald Trump. Me and Donald are cool. ... Donald will get my vote.
** [[Dana White]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/263033-ufc-chief-dana-white-endorses-trump &quot;UFC head Dana White endorses Trump&quot;] by Sylvan Lane, ''The Hill'' (12 December 2015)

* He will be a real American leader, who might not always be the best one from Europe's perspective but defends the interests of his own people. I wish we had political leaders like this in the Netherlands who defend their own country... and forget the rest.
** [[Geert Wilders]], on BNR radio, as quoted in [http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2016/07/93300-2/ &quot;Geert Wilders says the Netherlands needs a leader like Donald Trump&quot;] (18 July 2016), ''DutchNews.nl''.

* I'd vote for a bowling ball covered in dog shit and pubic hair before I vote for Trump.
** bestselling author {{W|Chuck Wendig}}, [http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2016/06/08/im-with-her/ &quot;I'm With Her&quot;], June 8, 2016

* The cost of appearing with a bloviating ignoramus is obvious, it seems to me. Donald Trump is redundant evidence that if your net worth is high enough, your IQ can be very low and you can still intrude into American politics.
** [[George Will]] on {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-27
 | title = This Week
 | publisher = ABC
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-27
 | title = George Will Calls Donald Trump a ‘Bloviating Ignoramus'
 | first = Jake
 | last = Tapper
 | periodical = ABC News
 | url = http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/05/george-will-calls-donald-trump-a-bloviating-ignoramus-on-this-week/
}}

*It has come to this. The GOP, formerly the party of Lincoln and ostensibly the party of liberty and limited government, is being defined by clamors for a mass roundup and deportation of millions of human beings. To will an end is to will the means for the end, so the Republican clamors are also for the requisite expansion of government's size and coercive powers... Trump evidently plans to deport almost 10 percent of California's workers, and 13 percent of that state's K–12 students. He is, however, at his most Republican when he honors family values: He proposes to deport intact families, including children who are citizens... Trump proposes seizing money that illegal immigrants from Mexico try to send home. This might involve sacrificing mail privacy, but desperate times require desperate measures. He would vastly enlarge the federal government's enforcement apparatus, but he who praises single-payer health care systems and favors vast eminent domain powers has never made a fetish of small government.
**George Will, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/422916/donald-trump-immigration-deportation-republicans &quot;Trump Should Have No Place in the Party of Liberty and Limited Government&quot;] (22 August 2015), ''National Review''

*If Donald Trump were a Democratic mole placed in the Republican Party to disrupt things, how would his behavior be any different? I don't think it would be.
**George Will, as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-35066940 &quot;Is Donald Trump a Democratic secret agent?&quot;] (11 December 2015), by Anthony Zurcher, ''BBC News'', United Kingdom: British Broadcasting Corporation

* What you saw was the real Trump, unbound by facts, reason, logic, the law, or the Constitution
** Conservative campaign consultant Rick Wilson, commenting on a coronavirus press briefing [https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/rick-wilson-trumps-press-conference-meltdown-was-a-manic-ragefest-by-americas-worst-president/ &quot;Rick Wilson: Trump’s press conference meltdown was a ‘manic ragefest by America’s Worst President’&quot;] (14 April 2020), ''Rawstory''

* Shortly after 8pm on Election Night, when the unexpected trend - Trump might actually win - seemed confirmed, Don Jr told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears - and not of joy. There was, in the space of little more than an hour, in Steve Bannon's not unamused observation, a befuddled Trump morphing into a disbelieving Trump and then into a horrified Trump. But still to come was the final transformation: Suddenly, Donald Trump became a man who believed that he deserved to be, and was wholly capable of being, the president of the United States.
** p. 18
* Trump did not enjoy his own inauguration. He was angry that A-level stars had snubbed the event, disgruntled with the accommodations at Blair House, and visibly fighting with his wife, who seemed on the verge of tears. Throughout the day, he wore what some around him had taken to calling his golf face: angry and pissed off, shoulders hunched, arms swinging, brow furled, lips pursed.
* In pursuing a friend's wife, he would try to persuade the wife that her husband was perhaps not what she thought.
** p. 23
* Trump, in fact, found the White House to be vexing and even a little scary. He retreated to his own bedroom - the first time since the Kennedy White House that a presidential couple had maintained separate rooms. In the first days, he ordered two television screens in addition to the one already there, and a lock on the door, precipitating a brief standoff with the Secret Service, who insisted they have access to the room.
* She [Ivanka Trump] treated her father with a degree of detachment, even irony, going so far as to make fun of his comb-over to others. She often described the mechanics behind it to friends: an absolutely clean pate - a contained island after scalp-reduction -surgery - surrounded by a furry circle of hair around the sides and front, from which all ends are drawn up to meet in the center and then swept back and secured by a stiffening spray. The color, she would point out to comical effect, was from a product called Just for Men - the longer it was left on, the darker it got. Impatience resulted in Trump's orange-blond hair color.
* Rupert Murdoch, heretofore doubtlessly certain Trump was a charlatan and a fool, said he and his new wife, Jerry Hall, would pay a call on the president-elect. But Murdoch was late- quite late. Trump kept assuring his guests that Rupert was on his way, coming soon. When some of the guests made a move to leave, Trump cajoled them to stay a little longer. ''You'll want to stay to see Rupert''. (Or, one of the guests interpreted, you'll want to stay to see Trump with Rupert.) It was a matched set of odd reversals- an ironic symmetry. Trump, perhaps not yet appreciating the difference between becoming president and elevating his social standing, was trying mightily to curry favor with the previously disdainful media mogul. And Murdoch, finally arriving at the party he was in more than one way sorely late to, was as subdued and thrown as everyone else, and struggling to adjust his view of a man who, for more than a generation, had been at best a clown prince among the rich and famous.
** p. 20
* Murdoch suggested that taking a liberal approach to H-1B visas, which open America's doors to select immigrants, might be hard to square with his promises to build a wall and close the borders. But Trump seemed unconcerned, assuring Murdoch, 'We'll figure it out.' &quot;What a fucking idiot,&quot; said Murdoch, shrugging, as he got off the phone.
** p. 36
* The unique problem here was partly how to get information to someone who did not (or could not or would not) read, and who at best listened only selectively. But the other part of the problem was how best to qualify the information that he liked to get... The information he did not get was formal information. The data. The details. The options. The analysis. He didn't do PowerPoint. For anything that smacked of a classroom or of being lectured to- &quot;professor&quot; was one of his bad words, and he was proud of never going to class, never buying a textbook, never taking a note- he got up and left the room.
** p. 188
* The president liked generals. The more fruit salad they wore, the better. The president was very pleased with the compliments he got for appointing generals who commanded the respect that Mattis and Kelly and McMaster were accorded (pay no attention to Michael Flynn). What the president did not like was ''listening'' to generals, who, for the most part, were skilled in the new Army jargon of PowerPoint, data dumps, McKinsey-like presentations. One of the things that endeared Flynn to the president was the fact that Flynn, quite the conspiracist and drama queen, had good storytelling sense.
** p. 188
** [[w:Michael_Wolff_(journalist)|Michael Wolff]], ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House'' (2018)

*Let's begin with [Trump's] the simplest assertion: we are doing &quot;great&quot; economically... over the last 20 years the United States has had a hard time achieving economic growth. The last year or two are slightly better...  because the government gave an enormous boost... not private capitalist corporations, the government gave... The 2017 tax cut... gave corporations... hundreds of billions of dollars in taxes they don't have to pay anymore... and they mostly used it to increase salaries of executives... very good for the top one percent, but not for the rest of the American people.
*Chinese workers, the average amount of money they get adjusted for inflation, has quadrupled in the last 12, 15 years. What happened to the average wage in America, adjusted for inflation? It hardly budged... Excluding that from the conversation - prancing around as if the economy here is the envy of the world - that's not just nonsense. 
*...he spent more time... demonizing [[immigrants]] than on any other topic.... the United States is an economy of three hundred and twenty five million people; the number of [[w:Illegal immigration to the United States|undocumented immigrants in the United States is estimated between 10 and 12 million [~3.4]%]] ...Focusing on immigrants is pure scapegoating; it's focusing people on something that doesn't matter because you don't want them to focus on what does matter.
**[[Richard Wolffe]] in [https://www.rdwolff.com/prof_wolff_on_sotu '''''Wolff responds to Trump's &quot;State of the Union&quot; address,'''''] (6 February 2019)

* I still call myself a [[conservative]], but only in full knowledge that there is a blot on the escutcheon, and many a writer who claims that title is an open [[treason|traitor]] to all I in truth uphold and he in word only. Because, honestly, a conservative who opposes Trump on the grounds of [[ideal]]s, despite what this administration has already done in deregulating and defanging the [[bureaucracy]], reversing foreign policy mistakes, and appointing originalist judges, falls into the same error of being a [[cult]]ist and not a political thinker.
** [[John C. Wright]], [http://www.scifiwright.com/2017/06/objectivism-and-alt-right/ &quot;Objectivism and Alt-Right&quot;] (2017)

=== Y ===
* He's the classic demagogue described well in the Federalist Papers that our system is designed to stop.
** {{W|John Yoo}}, [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/analysis-vengeful-world-donald-trump-why-it-matters-n671721 Analysis: the Vengeful World of Donald Trump and Why It Matters], at NBC News, published October 31, 2016
* Donald Trump is also a coward. For all of his tough talk and bluster, the president of the United States is a punk ass bitch. And this has also been apparent for as long as we've known who he is. 
* He slipped out of draft duty because of ... bone spurs. Bone spurs don't even get you on the NFL injury report, but he used it to stay the fuck away from actually having to fight. We know his history of bullying and insulting women. And, since he's been in office, we've seen him cower to Kim Jong Un and literally get Deeboed by Vladimir Putin — two men who, for all of their faults, would definitely whoop Trump's ass. 
* We've had racist presidents before. We've had malignant misogynists in office before. But never has our president been such a fucking wimp.
** Damon Young, [https://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/just-remember-that-your-punk-ass-president-would-never-1828105410 Just Remember That Your Punk-Ass President Would Never, Ever, Ever Call LeBron James Dumb to His Face], in {{W|The Root (magazine)|The Root}}, published August 4, 2018.

=== Z ===
*Donald Trump would be an awesome GOP nominee if he was remotely conservative, suited to beat Hillary, or had the temperament of a good POTUS.
**John Ziegler, [https://twitter.com/Zigmanfreud/status/697866127163043841 ''Twitter'' post] (February 2016)

* His decision to use his platform to condone rather than condemn the actions of his supporters at the Capitol building has rightly disturbed people in the US and around the world. We removed these statements yesterday because we judged that their effect — and likely their intent — would be to provoke further violence.
* We believe the risks of allowing the President to continue to use our service during this period are simply too great. Therefore, we are extending the block we have placed on his Facebook and Instagram accounts indefinitely and for at least the next two weeks until the peaceful transition of power is complete.
** Mark Zuckerberg, CEO Facebook, quoted in [https://techcrunch.com/2021/01/07/mark-zuckerberg-announces-trump-banned-from-facebook-and-instagram-for-at-least-the-next-two-weeks/ &quot;Mark Zuckerberg announces Trump banned from facebook and instagram for 'at least the next two weeks'&quot;] (January 7 2021) &lt;i&gt; Tech Crunch &lt;/i&gt;

*Could Donald Trump be a secret double-agent, sent by Democrats to destroy their party from within? Former Florida governor Jeb Bush, who has borne the brunt of more than a few Trump barbs, seems to think there's a possibility... He's belittling his Republican colleagues. He's pulling the party to the nativist right in direct conflict with the goal set by strategists in 2013 to appeal to a more ethnically diverse nation. And he's generally sucking up all the political oxygen, making it harder for other candidates to get their message out. All in all, many experts say he's making it much more difficult for a Republican to win the general election next fall. Maybe he's doing it on purpose... But as the saying goes, even paranoids have enemies. And, at least for the moment, there are some Republicans who see Donald Trump much more of an enemy than a friend.
**Anthony Zurcher, [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-35066940 &quot;Is Donald Trump a Democratic secret agent?&quot;] (11 December 2015), ''BBC News'', United Kingdom: British Broadcasting Corporation

*Trump has forged a coalition between the workers and the patriotic elite. I strongly believe in the coalition that has brought Trump together. Just like Boris Johnson. That, I think, is the political axis of the future.
** [https://nos.nl/nieuwsuur/artikel/2402214-hoe-de-franse-trump-eric-zemmour-de-politiek-op-zijn-kop-zet How the 'French Trump' Éric Zemmour is turning politics upside down.]

==See also==
* [[Donald Trump on social media]]
* [[Donald Trump Jr.]]
* [[Impeachment of Donald Trump]]
* [[List of presidents of the United States]]
* [[Presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Racial views of Donald Trump]]
* [[Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections]]
* [[2020 United States presidential election]]

== External links==
{{Sister project links|w=Donald Trump|wikt=no|b=no|s=Author:Donald Trump|commons=Donald Trump|n=Donald Trump|v=no|species=no|d=Q22686|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/ Official website]
* [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/23/opinion/trumps-lies.html &quot;Trump's Lies&quot;] by [[w:David Leonhardt|David Leonhardt]] and Stuart A. Thompson - a catalog of &quot;nearly every outright lie he has told publicly&quot; in his first five months in office, in ''{{w|The New York Times}}''  (23 June 2017)

{{Authority control}}

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[[Category:1946 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Presidents of the United States]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
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[[Category:Nationalists]]
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[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
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[[Category:Donald Trump| ]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2016]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2000]]
[[Category:Conspiracy theorists]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]

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      <text bytes="255602" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Frederick Douglass portrait.jpg|thumb|[[Right]] is of no sex, [[Truth]] is of no color, [[God]] is the Father of us all, and we are all Brethren.]]
[[File:Frederick Douglass, head-and-shoulders portrait, facing right, ca 1850-1860 edit.jpg|thumb|They cannot degrade Frederick Douglass. The [[soul]] that is within me no man can degrade.]]
[[File:Frederick Douglass LOC collodion c1865-80.jpg|thumb|I would unite with anybody to do right; and with nobody to do wrong.]]
'''[[w:Frederick Douglass|Frederick Douglass]]''' (c. [[February]] [[1818]] &amp;ndash; [[February 20|20 February]] [[1895]]) was an [[United States|American]] abolitionist, orator, author, editor, reformer, women's rights advocate, and statesman during the [[American Civil War]]. He was born a slave in Maryland, as '''Frederick Augustus Washington Bailey'''.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Frederick Douglass by Samuel J Miller, 1847-52.jpg|thumb|He is a [[lover]] of his [[country]] who rebukes and does not excuse its [[sins]]. It is [[righteousness]] that exalteth a [[nation]] while sin is a reproach to any [[people]].]]
[[File:Frederick Douglass c1860s.jpg|thumb|We deem it a settled point that the [[destiny]] of the colored man is bound up with that of the [[white people]] of this [[country]].]]
[[File:Frederick Douglass at National Portrait Gallery IMG 4542.JPG|thumb|The relation between the white and colored [[people]] of this country is the great, paramount, imperative, and all-commanding question for this age and [[nation]] to solve.]]
[[File:Frederick Douglass.jpg|thumb|What I ask for the negro is not benevolence, not [[pity]], not sympathy, but simply ''[[justice]]''.]]
[[File:Frederick Douglass as a younger man.jpg|thumb|In thinking of [[United States|America]], I sometimes find myself admiring her bright blue [[sky]] — her grand old woods — her fertile fields — her beautiful rivers — her mighty lakes, and star-crowned mountains. But my rapture is soon checked, my [[joy]] is soon turned to mourning. When I [[remember]] that all is cursed with the infernal spirit of [[Slavery|slaveholding]], robbery and [[wrong]]…]]
[[File:The_Old_Flag_Never_Touched_the_Ground.jpg|thumb|A great many delusions have been swept away by this war. One was, that the Negro would not work; he has proved his ability to work. Another was, that the Negro would not fight; that he possessed only the most sheepish attributes of humanity; was a perfect lamb, or an “Uncle Tom;” disposed to take off his coat whenever required, fold his hands, and be whipped by anybody who wanted to whip him. But the war has proved that there is a great deal of human nature in the Negro.]]
[[File:Official_medallion_of_the_British_Anti-Slavery_Society_(1795).jpg|thumb|No man can put a chain about the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck.]]
[[File:Motto frederick douglass 2.jpg|thumb|An old speech of mine delivered fourteen years ago was read to show, I know not what. Perhaps it was to show that I am not infallible. If so, I have to say in defense, that I never pretended to be.]]
[[File:Douglass Helen Eva Frederick.jpg|thumb|Women, as well as men, have the right to vote, and my heart and my voice go with the movement to extend suffrage to woman.]]
[[File:Harriet Tubman Civil War Woodcut.jpg|thumb|A man's rights rest in three boxes. The ballot box, jury box and the cartridge box. Let no man be kept from the ballot box because of his color. Let no woman be kept from the ballot box because of her sex.]]
[[File:Chickamauga.jpg|thumb|We are sometimes asked, in the name of patriotism, to forget the merits of [[American Civil War|this fearful struggle]], and to remember with equal admiration those who struck at the nation’s life and those who struck to save it, [[Confederate States of America|those who fought for]] [[slavery]] and [[United States|those who fought for liberty and justice]]. I am no minister of malice. I would not strike the fallen. I would not repel the repentant; but may my &quot;right hand forget her cunning and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth&quot;, if I forget the difference between the parties to that terrible, protracted, and bloody conflict.]]
[[File:Compromise with the South - Dedicated to the Chicago Convention - Th. Nast. LCCN2002723256.jpg|thumb|We are not here to applaud manly courage, save as it has been displayed in a noble cause. We must never forget that victory to the rebellion meant death to the republic.]]
[[File:United_States_Constitution.jpg|thumb|The Constitution... Its language is 'we the people'. Not we the white people, not even we the citizens, not we the privileged class, not we the high, not we the low, but we the people. Not we the horses, sheep, and swine, and wheel-barrows, but we the people, we the human inhabitants... Negroes are people, they are included in the benefits for which the Constitution of America was ordained and established.]]
[[File:The_First_Vote.jpg|thumb|The way to abolish slavery in America is to vote such men into power as will use their powers for the abolition of slavery.]]
[[File:US Great Seal 1877 drawing.png|thumb|We must never forget that [[United States Armed Forces|the loyal soldiers who rest beneath this sod]] flung themselves between the nation and the nation's destroyers.]]
[[File:BNSF GE Dash-9 C44-9W Kennewick - Wishram WA.jpg|thumb|For [[Bigotry|this feeling]] there are many apologies, for there was never yet an error, however flagrant and hurtful, for which some plausible defense could not be framed... The two best arguments in the defense are, first, the worthlessness of the class against which it is directed; and, second, that the feeling itself is entirely natural. The way to overcome the first argument is to work for the elevation of those deemed worthless, and thus make them worthy of regard, and they will soon become worthy and not worthless. As to the natural argument, it may be said that nature has many sides. Many things are in a certain sense natural, which are neither wise nor best. It is natural to walk, but shall men therefore refuse to ride? It is natural to ride on horseback, shall men therefore refuse steam and rail?]]
[[File:Ulysses Grant 1870-1880.jpg|thumb|My confidence in General Grant was not entirely due to the brilliant military successes achieved by him, but there was a moral as well as military basis for my faith in him. He had shown his single-mindedness and superiority to [[Bigotry|popular prejudice]] by his prompt cooperation with [[Abraham Lincoln|President Lincoln]] in his policy of employing colored troops, and his order commanding his soldiers to treat such troops with due respect. In this way he proved himself to be not only a wise general, but a great man.]]
[[File:Brooklyn Museum - Abraham Lincoln - overall.jpg|thumb|No man who knew Abraham Lincoln could hate him, but because of his fidelity to union and liberty, he is doubly dear to us, and his memory will be precious forever.]]
[[File:Abraham Lincoln by Boston Public Library.jpg|thumb|Abraham Lincoln was clear in his duty, and had an oath in heaven. He calmly and bravely heard the voice of doubt and fear all around him; but he had an oath in heaven, and there was not power enough on earth to make this honest boatman, backwoodsman, and broad-handed splitter of rails evade or violate that sacred oath. He had not been schooled in the ethics of slavery; his plain life had favored his love of truth. He had not been taught that treason and perjury were the proof of honor and honesty. His moral training was against his saying one thing when he meant another.]] 
[[File:Abraham Lincoln 02.jpg|thumb|The trust that Abraham Lincoln had in himself and in the people was surprising and grand, but it was also enlightened and well founded.]]
[[File:Lincoln assassination slide c1900 - Restoration.jpg|thumb|The assassination of Abraham Lincoln. It was a new crime, a pure act of malice. No purpose of the rebellion was to be served by it. It was the simple gratification of a hell-black spirit of revenge. But it has done good after all. It has filled the country with a deeper abhorrence of slavery and a deeper love for the great liberator.]]
[[File:US flag 34 stars.svg|thumb|If now we have a united country, no longer cursed by the hell-black system of human bondage, if the American name is no longer a by-word and a hissing to a mocking earth, if the star-spangled banner floats only over free American citizens in every quarter of the land, and our country has before it a long and glorious career of justice, liberty, and civilization, we are indebted to the unselfish devotion of the noble army who rest in these honored graves all around us.]]
[[File:US flag 35 stars.svg|thumb|My argument against the dissolution of the [[United States|American Union]] is this. It would place the slave system more exclusively under the control of the slave-holding states, and withdraw it from the power in the northern states which is opposed to slavery. [[Slavery]] is essentially barbarous in its character. It, above all things else, dreads the presence of an advanced civilization. It flourishes best where it meets no reproving frowns, and hears no condemning voices. While in [[United States|the Union]] it will meet with both. Its hope of life, in the last resort, is to get out of the Union. I am, therefore, for drawing the bond of the Union more completely under the power of the free states.]]
[[File:Flag of the United States of America (1861-1863).svg|thumb|The sentiment that brings us here today is one of the noblest that can stir and thrill the human heart. It has crowned and made glorious the high places of all civilized nations with the grandest and most enduring works of art, designed to illustrate the characters and perpetuate the memories of great public men. It is the sentiment which from year to year adorns with fragrant and beautiful flowers the graves of our loyal, brave, and patriotic soldiers who fell in defense of [[United States|the Union]] and [[Freedom|liberty]].]]
[[File:U.S. flag (35 stars).svg|thumb|It is the sentiment of gratitude and appreciation, which often, in the presence of many who hear me, has filled yonder heights of Arlington with the eloquence of eulogy and the sublime enthusiasm of poetry and song; a sentiment which can never die while [[United States|the republic]] lives.]]
[[File:Flag of the Qing Dynasty (1889-1912).svg|thumb|The Chinese in themselves have first rate recommendations. They are industrious, docile, cleanly, frugal. They are dexterous of hand, patient in toil, marvelously gifted in the power of imitation, and have but few wants.]]
[[File:Uncle Sam's Thanksgiving Dinner (November 1869), by Thomas Nast.jpg|thumb|We should welcome to our ample continent all the nations, kindreds, tongues and peoples, and as fast as they learn our language and comprehend the duties of citizenship, we should incorporate them into the American body politic.]]
[[File:Great Seal of the United States (Graham Lithograph).png|thumb|The outspread wings of the American eagle are broad enough to shelter all who are likely to come.]]
[[File:US flag 36 stars.svg|thumb|[[United States|Our republic]] is itself a strong argument in favor of composite nationality. It is no disparagement to the Americans of English descent to affirm that much of the wealth, leisure, culture, refinement and civilization of the country are due to the arm of the negro and the muscle of the Irishman. Without these, and the wealth created by their sturdy toil, English civilization had still lingered this side of the Alleghanies, and the wolf still be howling on their summits.]]
[[File:Flag of Germany (3-2 aspect ratio).svg|thumb|To no class of our population are we more indebted for valuable qualities of head, heart, and hand, than to the German. Say what we will of their lager, their smoke, and their metaphysics, they have brought to us a fresh, vigorous and child-like nature; a boundless facility in the acquisition of knowledge; a subtle and far-reaching intellect, and a fearless love of truth.]]
[[File:BurschenEllbach.jpg|thumb|Though remarkable for patient and laborious thought, the true German is a joyous child of freedom, fond of manly sports, a lover of music, and a happy man generally.]]
[[File:Flag of the Republic of China (1912-1928).svg|thumb|The Chinaman is a different article and will want the cash. He may, like the negro, accept Christianity, but, unlike the negro, he will not care to pay for it in labor. He had the Golden Rule in substance five hundred years before the coming of Christ, and has notions of justice that are not to be confused by any.]]
[[File:Twelve Symbols national emblem of China.svg|thumb|Chinese children are in American schools in San Francisco. None of our children are in Chinese schools, and probably never will be, though in some things they might well teach us valuable lessons. Contact with these yellow children of the Celestial Empire would convince us that the points of human difference, great as they, upon first sight, seem, are as nothing compared with the points of human agreement. Such contact would remove [[Bigotry|mountains of prejudice]].]]
[[File:US Navy 080215-N-5387K-003 More than 60 Yokosuka service members are sworn in as citizens of the United States during a naturalization ceremony held on board Command Fleet Activities Yokosuka.jpg|thumb|A liberal and brotherly welcome to all who are likely to come to the United States is the only wise policy which this nation can adopt. It has been thoughtfully observed that every nation, owing to its peculiar character and composition, has a definite mission in the world. What that mission is, and what policy is best adapted to assist in its fulfillment, is the business of its people and its statesmen to know, and knowing, to make a noble use of this knowledge.]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 000707-N-1110A-506.jpg|thumb|I need not stop here to name or describe the missions of other or more ancient nationalities. Our seems plain and unmistakable. Our geographical position, our relation to the outside world, our fundamental principles of government, world-embracing in their scope and character, our vast resources, requiring all manner of labor to develop them, and our already existing composite population, all conspire to one grand end, and that is, to make us the perfect national illustration of the unity and dignity of the human family that the world has ever seen.]]
[[File:Bombardment of Fort Sumter(3b52027r).jpg|thumb|The dissolution of the Union would not give the north a single advantage over [[slavery]], but would take from it many. Within the Union we have a firm basis of opposition to slavery. It is opposed to all the great objects of the Constitution. The dissolution of the Union is not only an unwise but a cowardly measure; fifteen millions running away from three hundred and fifty thousand slaveholders.]]
[[File:Anti-Confederate Flag.jpg|thumb|Shoot down the Confederacy and uphold the flag; the American flag.]]
[[File:Cicatrices de flagellation sur un esclave.jpg|thumb|The negro [[Slavery|worked and took his pay in religion and the lash]].]]
[[File:General Robert E. Lee surrenders at Appomattox Court House 1865.jpg|thumb|Under [[Abraham Lincoln|his]] rule, assisted by [[Ulysses S. Grant|the greatest captain of our age]], and his inspiration, we saw [[Confederate States of America|the Confederate States]], based upon the idea that [[w:African American|our race]] must be [[Slavery|slaves]], and slaves forever, battered to pieces and scattered to the four winds.]]
[[File:ElectoralCollege1936.svg|thumb|There is no race problem before the country, but only a political one, the question whether a Republican has any right to exist south of Mason and Dixon's line.]]
[[File:President-Jefferson-Davis.jpg|thumb|I knew that however bad the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican party]] was, the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic party]] was much worse.]]
[[File:Jefferson Davis - 1853 daguerreotype - color.png|thumb|Neither West Point nor the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic party]] have been good schools in which to learn justice and fair play to [[w:African American|the negro]].]]
*'''They cannot degrade Frederick Douglass. The [[soul]] that is within me no man can degrade. I am not the one that is being degraded on account of [[Bigotry|this treatment]], but those who are inflicting it upon me…'''
** Upon being forced to leave a train car due to his color, as quoted in ''[[w:Up from Slavery|Up from Slavery]]'' (1901), Ch. VI: &quot;Black Race And Red Race, the penalty of telling the truth, of telling the simple truth, in answer to a series of strange questions&quot;, by [[Booker T. Washington]]

* '''[[Right]] is of no sex, [[Truth]] is of no color, [[God]] is the Father of us all, and we are all [[Brotherhood|Brethren]].'''
**&lt;small&gt; Douglass' chosen motto for his weekly publication ''The North Star''. It appeared on the first issue. As quoted in Maurice S. Lee (2009), ''The Cambridge Companion to Frederick Douglass''. Cambridge University Press, p. 50; Thomson, Conyers &amp; Dawson (2009). ''The Frederick Douglass Encyclopedia''. ABC-CLIO. p. 149; &amp; Connie A. Miller. ''Frederick Douglass American Hero: And International Icon of the Nineteenth Century''. Xlibris Corporation. p. 144&lt;/small&gt;

* I dwell mostly upon the religious aspects, because I believe it is the religious people who are to be relied upon in this Anti-Slavery movement. Do not misunderstand my railing—do not class me with those who despise religion—do not identify me with the infidel. I love the religion of Christianity—which cometh from above—which is a pure, peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of good fruits, and without hypocrisy. I love that religion which sends its votaries to bind up the wounds of those who have fallen among thieves.&lt;br&gt;By all the love I bear such a Christianity as this, I hate that of the Priest and the Levite, that with long-faced Phariseeism goes up to Jerusalem to worship and leaves the bruised and wounded to die. I despise that religion which can carry Bibles to the heathen on the other side of the globe and withhold them from the heathen on this side—which can talk about human rights yonder and traffic in human flesh here.... I love that which makes its votaries do to others as they would that others should do to them. I hope to see a revival of it—thank God it is revived. I see revivals of it in the absence of the other sort of revivals. I believe it to be confessed now, that there has not been a sensible man converted after the old sort of way, in the last five years. 
**As quoted in ''The Cambridge Companion to Frederick Douglass'' (2009), by Maurice S. Lee, Cambridge University Press, pp. 68-69

* '''The [[man]] who is right is a [[majority]]. We, who have [[God]] and [[conscience]] on our side, have a majority against the [[universe]].'''
** As quoted in [http://books.google.it/books?id=GLbBa5OOhxMC&amp;pg=PA212 ''Frederick Douglass: The Colored Orator'' (1969) by Frederic May Holland, p. 212]

* I know there is a hope in religion; I know there is faith and I know there is prayer about religion and necessary to it, but God is most glorified when there is peace on earth and good will towards men
**As quoted in ''The Cambridge Companion to Frederick Douglass'' (2009), by Maurice S. Lee, Cambridge University Press, p. 70

* Your wickedness and cruelty committed in this respect on your fellow creatures, are greater than all the stripes you have laid upon my back or theirs. It is an outrage upon the soul, a war upon the immortal spirit, and one for which you must give account at the bar of our common Father and Creator.
** Letter to His Old Master. To my Old Master Thomas Auld

* '''I knew that however bad the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican party]] was, the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic party]] was much worse.''' The elements of which the Republican party was composed gave better ground for the ultimate hope of the success of the colored man's cause than those of the Democratic party.
** As quoted in ''Life and Times of Frederick Douglass'' (1941), chapter 47, p. 579

* Men have their choice in this world. They can be angels, or they may be demons. In the apocalyptic vision, John describes a war in heaven. You have only to strip that vision of its gorgeous Oriental drapery, divest it of its shining and celestial ornaments, clothe it in the simple and familiar language of common sense, and you will have before you the eternal conﬂict between right and wrong, good and evil, liberty and slavery, truth and falsehood, the glorious light of love, and the appalling darkness of human selﬁshness and sin. The human heart is a seat of constant war… Just what takes place in individual human hearts, often takes place between nations, and between individuals of the same nation.
** As quoted in Maurice S. Lee (2009), ''The Cambridge Companion to Frederick Douglass''. Cambridge University Press, p. 50; Thomson, Conyers &amp; Dawson (2009). ''The Frederick Douglass Encyclopedia''. ABC-CLIO. p. 84

*His zeal in the cause of freedom was infinitely superior to mine. Mine was as the taper light, his was as the burning sun. Mine was bounded by time. His stretched away to the silent shores of eternity. I could speak for the slave. John Brown could fight for the slave. I could live for the slave. John Brown could die for the slave.
**Regarding John Brown, as quoted in [http://memory.loc.gov/cgi-bin/ampage?collId=mfd&amp;fileName=22/22002/22002page.db&amp;recNum=9&amp;tempFile=./temp/~ammem_rvc6&amp;filecode=mfd&amp;next_filecode=mfd&amp;prev_filecode=mfd&amp;itemnum=2&amp;ndocs=32 ''A Lecture On John Brown'']

*[[Republican Party (United States)|The Republican Party]] is the ship and all else is the sea around us.
** As quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=9ykO8sKDE30C&amp;pg=PA276&amp;lpg=PA276&amp;dq=%22I+know+the+man.+I+like+a+man+in+the+Presidential+chair%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=0JRNsxNa8j&amp;sig=UJpkupLqhe7-DOrhKxCYSCo7EcY&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=FA9lU5z5JsnQsQTM1YH4CA&amp;ved=0CC0Q6AEwAQ#v=onepage&amp;q=%22I%20know%20the%20man.%20I%20like%20a%20man%20in%20the%20Presidential%20chair%22&amp;f=false ''Frederick Douglass American Hero''] (2008), by Connie A. Miller, Sr., p. 277

*I am sometimes asked 'How are your people getting along at the South?' I am at a loss sometimes to know to whom they refer. Who are my people at the South? I am in a position to speak more impartially, perhaps, than any man in this room as regards the merits of the two races, for I occupy a middle position... It would be as appropriate to ask, ’How are the [[white people]] of the South getting along?’ as to ask how the colored people are getting along. The two should go together: one cannot get along without the other... Men ask me if I don’t think that the condition of the freedmen is hopeless. I tell them ’Never!’ I have seen too much progress.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech in Boston] (22 May)

*I deny and utterly scout the idea, that there is now, properly speaking, any such thing as a negro problem before the American people. It is not the negro, educated or illiterate, intelligent or ignorant, who is on trial, or whose qualities are giving trouble to the nation... The real question, the all-commanding question, is whether American justice, American liberty, American civilization, American law, and American Christianity can be made to include and protect, alike and forever, all American citizens... It is whether this great nation shall conquer its prejudices, rise to the dignity of its professions, and proceed in the sublime course of truth and liberty marked out for itself during the late war, or shall swing back to its ancient moorings of slavery and barbarism. The trouble is that the colored people have still to contend against ’a fierce and formidable foe,’ the ghost of a by-gone, dead and buried institution.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*One thing which they ought to do, in order to hold their own against this enemy, is to give up cultivating what they call 'race pride', a sentiment too much like that which is 'the lion in the way' of our progress... Do we not know that every argument we make, and every pretension we set up in favor of race pride, is giving the enemy a stick to break our own heads? ... You will, perhaps, think this criticism uncalled for. My answer is that truth is never uncalled for... In some of our colored public journals I have seen myself charged with a lack of race pride. I am not ashamed of that charge. I have no apology or vindication to offer. If fifty years of uncompromising devotion to the cause of the colored man in this country does not vindicate me, I am content to live without vindication. While I have no more reason to be proud of one race than another, I dare to say, and I fear no contradiction, that there is no other man in the United States prouder than myself of any great achievement, mental or mechanical, of which any colored man or woman is the author. This not because I am a colored man, but because I am a man; and because color is a misfortune, and is treated as a crime by the American people.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*There are buildings which will hold a few, but which will break down under the weight of a crowd. The ice of the river may be strong enough to bear a man, but would break through under the weight of an elephant. The ice under us in this country is very thin, and is made very weak by the warm fogs of prejudice... Our policy should be to unite with the great mass of the American people in all their activities, and resolve to fall or flourish with our common country. We cannot afford to draw the color-line in politics, trade, education, manners, religion, fashion, or civilization. Especially we cannot afford to draw the color-line in politics. No folly could be greater. A party acting on that basis would be not merely a misfortune, but a dire calamity to our people.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*Well, now the American people have returned the Republican party to power; and the question is, what will it do? ... For a dozen years and more the Republican party has seemed in a measure paralyzed in the presence of high-handed fraud and brutal violence toward its newly-made citizens. The question now is, will it regain its former health, activity, and power? Will it be as true to its friends in the South as the Democratic party has been to its friends in that section, or will it sacrifice its friends to conciliate its enemies? ... Not only the negro but all honest men, north and south, must hold the Republican party in contempt, if it fails to do its whole duty at this point. The Republican party has made the colored man free; and the Republican party must make him secure in his freedom, or abandon its pretensions.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*It was once said by Abraham Lincoln that this Republic could not long endure half slave and half free; and the same may be said with even more truth of the black citizens of this country. They cannot remain half slave and half free. They must be one thing or the other. And this brings me to consider the alternative now presented between slavery and freedom in this country. From my outlook, I am free to affirm that I see nothing for the negro of the South but a condition of absolute freedom, or of absolute slavery. I see no half-way place for him. One or the other of these conditions is to solve the so-called negro problem. There are forces at work in both of these directions, and for the present that which aims at the re-enslavement of the negro seems to have the advantage. Let it be remembered that the labor of the negro is his only capital. Take this from him, and he dies from starvation. The present mode of obtaining his labor in the South gives the old master-class a complete mastery over him. I showed this in my last annual celebration address, and I need not go into it here. The payment of the negro by orders on stores, where the storekeeper controls price, quality, and quantity, and is subject to no competition, so that the negro must buy there and nowhere else–an arrangement by which the negro never has a dollar to lay by, and can be kept in debt to his employer, year in and year out–puts him completely at the mercy of the old master-class. He who could say to the negro, when a slave, you shall work for me or be whipped to death, can now say to him with equal emphasis, you shall work for me, or I will starve you to death... This is the plain, matter-of-fact, and unexaggerated condition of the plantation negro in the Southern States today.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*If the Republican party shall fail to carry out this purpose, God will raise up another party that will be faithful.
** [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*There is no conceivable reason why all colored people should not be treated according to the merits of each individual. It is not only the plain duty, but also the interest of us all, to have every colored man take the place for which he is best fitted by education, character, ability, manners, and culture. If others insist on keeping him in any lower and poorer place, it is not only his injury, but our universal loss. Yet which of our white congregations would take a colored pastor? How many of our New England villages would like to have colored postmasters, or doctors, or lawyers, or teachers in the public schools? A very slight difference in complexion suffices to keep a young man from getting a place as policeman, or fireman, or conductor, even on the horse cars. The trades-unions are closed against him, and so are many of our stores; while those which admit him are obliged to refuse him promotion on account of the unwillingness of white men to serve under him.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*The health of the white people requires that the negro cabin be kept clean; and the maintenance of chastity there is necessary for the protection of woman throughout the land. The need of making the black man more intelligent and conscientious has already been so far recognized by the South, that she has remodelled her entire school system for his benefit; and her desire to make him more valuable as a member of the community, cannot long permit him to be lynched or otherwise maltreated. Her memory of the misrule of the carpet-baggers will grow fainter; and she will finally be able to see that even the illiterate voter is not so dangerous a citizen in a republic as the man who has not this reason to interest himself in its welfare. The South may be much slower than we could wish in reaching these conclusions; but no others will be found permanently satisfactory to her; and it is by no means certain that her pace will be quickened by a display of [[United States Armed Forces|federal bayonets]].
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech]

*Slavery has left behind it a spirit that still delights in human blood. Outrage, murder, and assassination are the inheritance of the freed men and women of the South. Neither our government nor our civilization seems able to stop the flow of blood. As in the time of slavery, the Church is silent.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Letter]

*There is something about Hayti which we have to deplore, and so there is about the United States. Let us go back 100 years and look at Hayti, and we find it surrounded by slavery and the whole Caribbean Sea reddened by the curse.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech in Baltimore] (7 September)

===1840s===
*In this mean work of detraction, we scarcely need say that the [[miserable]] dough-face who edits the Cass paper in this city, and through whom our daughter was basely excluded from &quot;Seward Seminary,&quot; on account of her [[complexion]], very appropriately took the lead.&amp;nbsp; This self-elected umpire of [[taste (sociology)|taste]] in the city of [[Rochester, New York|Rochester]], claims as much [[skill]] in matters relating to the [[harmony]] of [[sounds]], as he [[assumes]] with respect to the harmony of [[race|colors]].&amp;nbsp; We [[warn]] the good [[people]] of Rochester against attending either [[seminaries]] or [[concerts]], on [[pain]] of being expelled from [[respectable]] and refined [[society]], should they venture to do so before obtaining the [[opinion]] of this &quot;most learned [[judge]]&quot; whose [[word]] is sufficient to set at defiance and [[veto]] the [[wishes]] of a whole seminary of [[young]] [[ladies]] and misses.&amp;nbsp; '''We [[believe]] he does not object to the &quot;Virginia Minstrels,&quot; &quot;Christy's Minstrels,&quot; the &quot;Ethiopian Serenaders,&quot; or any of the filthy [[scum]] of [[white people|white]] society, who have [[stolen]] from us a complexion denied to them by [[nature]], in which to make [[money]], and pander to the [[corrupt]] taste of their white fellow-citizens.'''&amp;nbsp; Those performers are undoubtedly in harmony with his refined and elegant taste!
**&quot;[http://utc.iath.virginia.edu/minstrel/miar03bt.html The Hutchinson Family.—Hunkerism.],&quot; ''[[North Star (anti-slavery newspaper)|The North Star]]'' (Rochester, N.&amp;nbsp;Y.: [[27 October]] [[1848]]).

*American slaveholders must prepare, not only to be excluded from the communion of British Christians, but peremptorily driven from the platform of every philanthropic association. Let them be hemmed in on every side. Let them be placed beyond the pale of respectability, and, standing out separated, alone in their infamy, let the storm gather over them, and its hottest bolts descend. Our justification is ample:—the slaveholder is a man-stealer.
**“Letter to William Lloyd Garrison” (May 23, 1846)[https://glc.yale.edu/letter-william-lloyd-garrison-may-23-1846]

*Partly from a [[love]] of [[music]], and partly from [[curiosity]] to see persons of color exaggerating the peculiarities of their [[race]], we were induced last evening to hear these Serenaders.&amp;nbsp; The Company is said to be composed entirely of colored people, and it may be so.&amp;nbsp; We [[observed]], however, that they too had recourse to the burnt cork and lamp black, the better to express their characters and to produce [[uniformity]] of [[complexion]].&amp;nbsp; Their [[lips]], too, were evidently [[painted]], and otherwise exaggerated.&amp;nbsp; Their [[singing]] generally was but an imitation of white performers, and not even a tolerable representation of the character of [[colored people]].&amp;nbsp; Their attempts at [[wit]] showed them to possess a plentiful lack of it, and gave their [[audience]] a very low idea of the shrewdness and sharpness of the race to which they belong.&amp;nbsp; With two or three exceptions, they were a poor set, and will make themselves [[ridiculous]] wherever they go.&amp;nbsp; We heard but one really fine voice among the whole, and that was Cooper's, who is truly an excellent [[singer]]; and a company possessing equal [[ability]] with himself, would no [[doubt]], be very [[successful]] in commanding the [[respect]] and [[patronage]] of the public generally.&amp;nbsp; Davis (the ''Bones'') too, is certainly a master player; but the ''Tambourine'' was an utter [[failure]].&amp;nbsp; B.&amp;nbsp;Richardson is an extraordinary character.&amp;nbsp; His Virginia Breakdown excelled anything which we have ever seen of that description of [[dancing]].&amp;nbsp; He is certainly far before the dancer in the Company of the Campbells.&amp;nbsp; We are not sure that our [[readers]] will approve of our mention of those persons, so strong must be their dislike of everything that seems to feed the flame of American [[prejudice]] against colored people; and in this they may be right, but we think otherwise.&amp;nbsp; '''It is something gained when the colored man in any form can appear before a white audience'''; and we think that even this company, with industry, application, and a proper cultivation of their taste, may yet be instrumental in removing the prejudice against our race.&amp;nbsp; But '''they must cease to exaggerate the exaggerations of our enemies; and represent the colored man rather as he is''', than as Ethiopian Minstrels usually represent him to be.&amp;nbsp; '''They will ''then'' command the respect of both races; whereas now they only [[shock]] the [[taste (sociology)|taste]] of the one, and provoke the [[disgust]] of the other.'''&amp;nbsp; Let Cooper, Davis and Richardson bring around themselves persons of equal [[skill]], and seek to [[improve]], relying more upon the refinement of the public, than its [[vulgarity]]; let them strive to [[conform]] to it, rather than to cater to the lower elements of the baser sort, and they may do much to elevate themselves and their race in popular estimation.
**&quot;[http://utc.iath.virginia.edu/minstrel/miar03at.html Gavitt's Original Ethiopian Serenaders],&quot; ''[[North Star (anti-slavery newspaper)|The North Star]]'' (Rochester, N.&amp;nbsp;Y.: [[29 June]] [[1849]]).
====''[[w:Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave|Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave]]'' (1845)====
[[File:1890s pre civil war scene.jpg|thumb|The singing of a man cast away upon a desolate island might be as appropriately considered as evidence of contentment and happiness, as the singing of a slave...]]
:&lt;small&gt;[[s:Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave|Full text online at Wikisource]]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Sketchofdouglass.jpg|thumb|It is possible, and even quite probable, that but for the mere circumstance of being removed from that plantation to Baltimore, I should have to-day, instead of being here seated by my own table, in the enjoyment of freedom and the happiness of home, writing this Narrative, been confined in the galling chains of slavery.]]
[[File:Frederick Douglass House.jpg|thumb|Going to live at Baltimore laid the foundation, and opened the gateway, to all my subsequent prosperity. I have ever regarded it as the first plain manifestation of that kind providence which has ever since attended me, and marked my life with so many favors.]]
[[File:Frederick Douglas NYHS c1866.jpg |thumb|I prefer to be [[true]] to [[myself]], even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and incur my own abhorrence.]]

* '''I have often been utterly astonished, since I came to the north, to find persons who could speak of the [[singing]], among [[slaves]], as evidence of their contentment and [[happiness]].''' It is impossible to conceive of a greater [[mistake]]. Slaves sing most when they are most unhappy. The songs of the slave represent the [[sorrows]] of his [[heart]]; and he is relieved by them, only as an aching heart is relieved by its tears. At least, such is my experience. '''I have often sung to drown my sorrow, but seldom to express my happiness. Crying for [[joy]], and singing for joy, were alike uncommon to me while in the jaws of slavery. The singing of a man cast away upon a desolate island might be as appropriately considered as evidence of contentment and happiness, as the singing of a slave; the songs of the one and of the other are prompted by the same [[emotion]].'''
** Ch. 2

* Every tone was a testimony against slavery, and a prayer to [[God]] for deliverance from chains.
** Ch. 2

* '''I look upon my departure from Colonel Lloyd's plantation as one of the most interesting events of my life.''' It is possible, and even quite probable, that but for the mere circumstance of being removed from that plantation to Baltimore, I should have to-day, instead of being here seated by my own table, in the enjoyment of freedom and the happiness of home, writing this Narrative, been confined in the galling chains of slavery. '''Going to live at Baltimore laid the foundation, and opened the gateway, to all my subsequent prosperity.''' I have ever regarded it as the first plain manifestation of that kind providence which has ever since attended me, and marked my life with so many favors. I regarded the selection of myself as being somewhat remarkable. There were a number of slave children that might have been sent from the plantation to Baltimore. There were those younger, those older, and those of the same age. I was chosen from among them all, and was the first, last, and only choice. &lt;br&gt; I may be deemed superstitious, and even egotistical, in regarding this event as a special interposition of divine Providence in my favor. But I should be false to the earliest sentiments of my soul, if I suppressed the opinion. '''I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and incur my own abhorrence.''' From my earliest recollection, I date the entertainment of a deep conviction that slavery would not always be able to hold me within its foul embrace; and in the darkest hours of my career in slavery, this living word of faith and spirit of hope departed not from me, but remained like ministering angels to cheer me through the gloom. This good spirit was from God, and to him I offer thanksgiving and praise.
** Ch. 5

* Whilst I was saddened by the thought of losing the aid of my kind mistress, I was gladdened by the invaluable instruction which, by the merest accident, I had gained from my master. '''Though conscious of the difficulty of learning without a teacher, I set out with high hope, and a fixed purpose, at whatever cost of trouble, to learn how to read.''' The very decided manner with which he spoke, and strove to impress his wife with the evil consequences of giving me instruction, served to convince me that he was deeply sensible of the truths he was uttering. It gave me the best assurance that that I might rely with the utmost confidence on the results which, he said, would flow from teaching me to read.
** Ch. 6

* The more I read, the more I was led to abhor and detest my enslavers. I could regard them in no other light than a band of successful robbers, who had left their homes, and gone to Africa, and stolen us from our homes, and in a strange land reduced us to slavery. I loathed them as being the meanest as well as the most wicked of men. As I read and contemplated the subject, behold! that very discontentment which Master Hugh had predicted would follow my learning to read had already come, to torment and sting my soul to unutterable anguish. As I writhed under it, I would at times feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing. It had given me a view of my wretched condition, without the remedy. It opened my eyes to the horrible pit, but to no ladder upon which to get out. In moments of agony, I envied my fellow-slaves for their stupidity. I have often wished myself a beast. I preferred the condition of the meanest reptile to my own. Any thing, no matter what, to get rid of thinking! It was this everlasting thinking of my condition that tormented me. There was no getting rid of it. It was pressed upon me by every object within sight or hearing, animate or inanimate. '''The silver trump of freedom had roused my soul to eternal wakefulness. Freedom now appeared, to disappear no more forever. It was heard in every sound, and seen in every thing.''' It was ever present to torment me with a sense of my wretched condition. I saw nothing without seeing it, I heard nothing without hearing it, and felt nothing without feeling it. It looked from every star, it smiled in every calm, breathed in every wind, and moved in every storm.
** Ch. 7

* I was broken in body, soul and spirit. My natural elasticity was crushed, my intellect languished, the disposition to read departed, the cheerful spark that lingered about my eye died; the dark night of slavery closed in upon me; and behold a man transformed into a brute!
** Ch. 10

* '''You have seen how a man was made a slave; you shall see how a slave was made a man.'''
** Ch. 10

* My long-crushed spirit rose, cowardice departed, bold defiance took its place; and I now resolved that, however long I might remain a slave in form, the day had passed forever when I could be a slave in fact. I did not hesitate to let it be known of me, that the white man who expected to succeed in whipping, must also succeed in killing me.
** Ch. 10

* I assert most unhesitatingly, that the religion of the south is a mere covering for the most horrid crimes - a justifier of the most appalling barbarity, — a sanctifier of the most hateful frauds, — and a dark shelter under which the darkest, foulest, grossest, and most infernal deeds of slaveholders find the strongest protection.
** Ch. 10

* To make a contented slave it is necessary to make a thoughtless one. It is necessary to darken the moral and mental vision and, as far as possible, to annihilate the power of reason.
** Ch. 10

* '''Let us render the tyrant no aid'''; let us not hold the light by which he can trace the footprints of our flying brother.
** Ch. 11

* I love the pure, peaceable, and impartial Christianity of [[Christ]]; I therefore hate the corrupt, slave-holding, women-whipping, cradle-plundering, partial and hypocritical Christianity of this land.
** Appendix

* We have men sold to build churches, women sold to support the gospel, and babes sold to purchase Bibles for the ''poor heathen! all for the glory of God and the good of souls!'' The slave auctioneer's bell and the church-going bell chime in with each other, and the bitter cries of the heart-broken slave are drowned in the religious shouts of his pious master. Revivals of religion and revivals in the slave-trade go hand in hand.
** Appendix

====Letter to William Lloyd Garrison (1846)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.yale.edu/glc/archive/1091.htm Letter to William Lloyd Garrison (1 January 1846)]&lt;/small&gt;
*I am now about to take leave of the [[Ireland|Emerald Isle]], for Glasgow, Scotland. I have been here a little more than four months. Up to this time, I have given no direct expression of the views, feelings and opinions which I have formed, respecting the character and condition of the people in this land. I have refrained thus purposely. I wish to speak advisedly, and in order to do this, I have waited till I trust experience has brought my opinions to an intelligent maturity. I have been thus careful, not because I think what I may say will have much effect in shaping the opinions of the world, but because whatever of influence I may possess, whether little or much, I wish it to go in the right direction, and according to truth. '''I hardly need say that, in speaking of Ireland, I shall be influenced by prejudices in favor of America. I think my circumstances all forbid that. I have no end to serve, no creed to uphold, no government to defend'''; and as to nation, I belong to none. I have no protection at home, or resting-place abroad. The land of my birth welcomes me to her shores only as a slave, and spurns with contempt the idea of treating me differently. So that I am an outcast from the society of my childhood, and an outlaw in the land of my birth.

* '''In thinking of [[United States|America]], I sometimes find myself admiring her bright blue [[sky]] — her grand old woods — her fertile fields — her beautiful rivers — her mighty lakes, and star-crowned mountains. But my rapture is soon checked, my [[joy]] is soon turned to mourning.''' When I remember that all is cursed with the infernal spirit of slaveholding, robbery and [[wrong]], — when I remember that with the waters of her noblest rivers, the tears of my brethren are borne to the ocean, disregarded and forgotten, and that her most fertile fields drink daily of the warm blood of my outraged sisters, I am filled with unutterable loathing.

*The truth is, the people here know nothing of the republican Negro hate prevalent in our glorious land. They measure and esteem men according to their moral and intellectual worth, and not according to the color of their skin. Whatever may be said of the aristocracies here, there is none based on the color of a man's skin.

====Love of God, Love of Man, Love of Country (1847)====
* I make no [[pretension]] to [[patriotism]]. So long as my [[voice]] can be heard on this or the other side of the Atlantic, I will hold up [[America]] to the [[lightning]] scorn of [[moral]] indignation. In doing this, I shall feel myself discharging the duty of a true patriot; for he is a [[lover]] of his [[country]] who rebukes and does not excuse its [[sins]]. It is [[righteousness]] that exalteth a [[nation]] while sin is a reproach to any [[people]].
** Speech, [http://www.teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=535 &quot;Love of God, Love of Man, Love of Country&quot;], Syracuse, New York (September 24, 1847)

* Since the light of God’s truth beamed upon my mind, I have become a friend of that religion which teaches us to pray for our enemies — which, instead of shooting balls into their hearts, loves them. I would not hurt a hair of a slaveholder’s head. I will tell you what else I would not do. I would not stand around the slave with my bayonet pointed at his breast, in order to keep him in the power of the slaveholder.
** Love of God, Love of Man, Love of Country (October 22, 1847), Delivered at Market Hall, New York City, New York.

* Vainly you talk about voting it down. When you have cast your millions of ballots, you have not reached the evil. It has fastened its root deep into the heart of the nation, and nothing but God’s truth and love can cleanse the land. We must change the moral sentiment.
** Love of God, Love of Man, Love of Country (October 22, 1847), Delivered at Market Hall, New York City, New York.

===1850s===
* The slave is a man, &quot;the image of God,&quot; but &quot;a little lower than the angels;&quot; possessing a soul, eternal and indestructible; capable of endless happiness, or immeasurable woe; a creature of hopes and fears, of affections and passions, of joys and sorrows, and he is endowed with those mysterious powers by which man soars above the things of time and sense, and grasps, with undying tenacity, the elevating and sublimely glorious idea of a God. It is such a being that is smitten and blasted. The first work of slavery is to mar and deface those characteristics of its victims which distinguish men from things, and persons from property. Its first aim is to destroy all sense of high moral and religious responsibility. It reduces man to a mere machine. It cuts him off from his Maker, it hides from him the laws of God, and leaves him to grope his way from time to eternity in the dark, under the arbitrary and despotic control of a frail, depraved, and sinful fellow-man. As the serpent-charmer of India is compelled to extract the deadly teeth of his venomous prey before he is able to handle him with impunity, so the slaveholder must strike down the conscience of the slave before he can obtain the entire mastery over his victim.
**  The Nature of Slavery. Extract from a Lecture on Slavery, at Rochester, December 1, 1850

* While this nation is guilty of the enslavement of three millions of innocent men and women, it is as idle to think of having a sound and lasting peace, as it is to think there is no God to take cognizance of the affairs of men. There can be no peace to the wicked while slavery continues in the land. It will be condemned; and while it is condemned there will be agitation. Nature must cease to be nature; men must become monsters; humanity must be transformed; Christianity must be exterminated; all ideas of justice and the laws of eternal goodness must be utterly blotted out from the human soul—ere a system so foul and infernal can escape condemnation, or this guilty republic can have a sound, enduring peace.
**  The Nature of Slavery. Extract from a Lecture on Slavery, at Rochester, December 1, 1850

* I have shown that slavery is wicked—wicked, in that it violates the great law of liberty, written on every human heart—wicked, in that it violates the first command of the decalogue—wicked, in that it fosters the most disgusting licentiousness—wicked, in that it mars and defaces the image of God by cruel and barbarous inflictions—wicked, in that it contravenes the laws of eternal justice, and tramples in the dust all the humane and heavenly precepts of the New Testament.
** Inhumanity of Slavery. Extract from A Lecture on Slavery, at Rochester. December 8, 1850

* Old as the everlasting hills; immovable as the throne of God; and certain as the purposes of eternal power, against all hinderances, and against all delays, and despite all the mutations of human instrumentalities, it is the faith of my soul, that this anti-slavery cause will triumph.
** The Anti-Slavery Movement. Extracts from a Lecture before Various. Anti-Slavery Bodies, in the Winter of 1855.

* '''The ground which a colored man occupies in this country is, every inch of it, sternly disputed.'''
** Speech at the American and Foreign Anti-Slavery Society annual meeting, New York City (May 1853)

* '''I would [[unite]] with anybody to do [[right]]; and with nobody to do [[wrong]].'''
** Lecture, [http://books.google.pt/books?id=wN9Dj-_wM0IC&amp;pg=PA33&amp;dq=%22I+would+unite+with+anybody+to+do+right+and+with+nobody+to+do+wrong.%22&amp;redir_esc=y#v=onepage&amp;q=%22I%20would%20unite%20with%20anybody%20to%20do%20right%20and%20with%20nobody%20to%20do%20wrong.%22&amp;f=false ''The Anti-Slavery Movement''] (1855)

* In one point of view, we, the abolitionists and colored people, should meet [the Dred Scott] decision, unlooked for and monstrous as it appears, in a cheerful [[spirit]]. '''This very attempt to blot out [[forever]] the [[hopes]] of an enslaved people may be one necessary link in the chain of events preparatory to the downfall and complete overthrow of the whole [[slave]] [[system]].'''
** [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=772 Speech on the Dred Scott Decision (1857)]

* '''We deem it a settled point that the [[destiny]] of the colored man is bound up with that of the white people of [[United States|this country]]. … ''We are here'', and here we are likely to be.''' To [[imagine]] that we shall ever be eradicated is [[absurd]] and ridiculous. '''We can be remodified, changed, assimilated, but never extinguished.''' We repeat, therefore, that we are ''here''; and that this is ''our'' country; and the question for the philosophers and statesmen of the land ought to be, What principles should dictate the policy of the action toward us? '''We shall neither die out, nor be driven out; but shall go with this people, either as a testimony against them, or as an evidence in their favor throughout their generations.'''
** Essay in ''North Star'' (November 1858); as quoted in ''Faces at the Bottom of the Well : The Permanence of Racism'' (1992) by Derrick Bell, p. 40

*The days of [[Slavery|Black Power]] are numbered. Its course, indeed is onward. But with the swiftness of an arrow, it rushes to the tomb. While crushing its millions, it is also crushing itself. The sword of Retribution, suspended by a single hair, hangs over it. That sword must fall. Liberty must triumph.
**As quoted in &quot;Sustaining Black Studies&quot;, by Winston A. Van Horne, ''Journal of Black Studies'', Vol. 37, No. 3, (January 2007)

====What to the Slave is the Fourth of July? (1852)====
{{main|What to the Slave Is the Fourth of July?}}
[[File:4th-of-July-1819-Philadelphia-John-Lewis-Krimmel.JPG|thumb|What, to the American [[slave]], is your 4th of July? I answer: a [[day]] that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim.]]
:&lt;small&gt;Speech, Corinthian Hall, Rochester, New York (5 July 1852). [[s:What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?|Full text at Wikisource]].&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Lightning strike near Capitol building.jpg|thumb|It is not [[light]] that is needed, but [[fire]]; it is not the gentle shower, but [[thunder]]. We need the [[storm]], the [[whirlwind]], and the earthquake. The [[feeling]] of the [[nation]] must be quickened; the [[conscience]] of the nation must be roused...]]

* '''The 4th of July is the first great fact in your nation's [[history]] — the very ring-bolt in the chain of your yet undeveloped [[destiny]]. [[Pride]] and [[patriotism]], not less than [[gratitude]], prompt you to celebrate and to hold it in perpetual [[remembrance]]. I have said that the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] is the ring-bolt to the chain of your nation's destiny; so, indeed, I regard it. The [[principles]] contained in that instrument are saving principles. Stand by those principles, be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost.''' 

* This Fourth of July is ''yours,'' not ''mine.'' ''You'' may rejoice, ''I'' must mourn. To drag a man in fetters into the grand illuminated temple of liberty, and call upon him to join you in joyous anthems, were inhuman mockery and sacrilegious irony.

* '''I shall see, this [[day]], and its popular characteristics, from the [[slave]]'s point of view. Standing, there, identified with the American bondman, making his wrongs mine, I do not hesitate to declare, with all my soul, that the character and conduct of this nation never looked blacker to me than on this 4th of July!''' Whether we turn to the declarations of the past, or to the professions of the present, the conduct of the nation seems equally hideous and revolting. America is false to the past, false to the present, and solemnly binds herself to be false to the future. Standing with God and the crushed and bleeding slave on this occasion, '''I will, in the name of humanity which is outraged, in the name of liberty which is fettered, in the name of the constitution and the Bible, which are disregarded and trampled upon, dare to call in question and to denounce, with all the emphasis I can command, everything that serves to perpetuate slavery — the great sin and shame of America! &quot;I will not equivocate; I will not excuse;&quot; I will use the severest [[language]] I can command; and yet not one [[word]] shall escape me that any man, whose [[judgement]] is not blinded by [[prejudice]], or who is not at [[heart]] a slaveholder, shall not confess to be [[right]] and [[just]].'''
** Douglass here quotes [[William Lloyd Garrison]], who famously declared in the first issue of ''[[w:The Liberator|The Liberator]]'': &quot;I am in earnest — I will not equivocate — I will not excuse — I will not retreat a single inch — AND I WILL BE HEARD.&quot;

* '''At a time like this, scorching [[irony]], not convincing argument, is needed.''' O! had I the ability, and could reach the nation's ear, I would, to-day, pour out a fiery stream of biting ridicule, blasting reproach, withering sarcasm, and stern rebuke. '''For it is not [[light]] that is needed, but [[fire]]; it is not the gentle shower, but [[thunder]]. We need the [[storm]], the [[whirlwind]], and the earthquake. The [[feeling]] of the [[nation]] must be quickened; the [[conscience]] of the nation must be roused; the propriety of the nation must be startled; the [[hypocrisy]] of the nation must be exposed; and its [[crimes]] against [[God]] and [[man]] must be proclaimed and denounced.'''

* '''What, to the American [[slave]], is your 4th of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim.''' To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciations of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade, and solemnity, are, to him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy — a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices, more shocking and bloody, than are the people of these United States, at this very hour.

* You profess to [[believe]] &quot;that, of one blood, [[God]] made all nations of men to dwell on the face of all the [[earth]],&quot; and hath commanded all men, everywhere to [[love]] one another; yet you notoriously [[hate]], (and [[glory]] in your hatred), all men whose skins are not colored like your own. You declare, before the world, and are understood by the world to declare, that you &quot;hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal; and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; and that, among these are, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness;&quot; and yet, you hold securely, in a bondage which, according to your own [[Thomas Jefferson]], &quot;is worse than ages of that which your fathers rose in rebellion to oppose,&quot; a seventh part of the inhabitants of your country.

====''My Bondage and My Freedom'' (1855)====
* '''I say nothing of ''father'', for he is shrouded in a [[mystery]] I have never been able to penetrate. [[Slavery]] does away with [[fathers]], as it does away with [[families]].''' Slavery has no use for either fathers or families, and its [[laws]] do not recognize their existence in the social arrangements of the plantation.
**Chapter 3: Parentage.

* I learned, after my mother's death, that she could read, and that she was the only one of all the slaves and colored people in Tuckahoe who enjoyed that advantage. How she acquired this knowledge, I know not, for Tuckahoe is the last place in the world where she would be apt to find facilities for learning. I can, therefore, fondly and proudly ascribe to her an earnest love of knowledge. That a &quot;field hand&quot; should learn to read, in any slave state, is remarkable; but the achievement of my mother, considering the place, was very extraordinary; and, in view of that fact, '''I am quite willing, and even happy, to attribute any love of letters I possess,''' and for which I have got—despite of prejudices—only too much credit, '''not to my admitted Anglo-Saxon paternity, but to the native genius of my sable, unprotected, and uncultivated mother—a woman, who belonged to a race whose mental endowments it is, at present, fashionable to hold in disparagement and contempt.''' 
**Chapter 3: Parentage.

* I assert ''most unhesitatingly,'' that the [[religion]] of the South — as I have observed it and proved it — is a mere covering for the most horrid [[crimes]]; a justifier of the most appalling barbarity; a sanctifier of the most hateful frauds; and a dark shelter, under which the darkest, foulest, grossest, and most infernal abominations fester and flourish. Were I again to be reduced to the condition of A slave, next to that calamity, I should regard the fact of being the slave of a religious slaveholder, the greatest that could befall me.
**Chapter 18: New Relations and Duties.

====West India Emancipation (1857)====
[[File:Lightning strike jan 2007.jpg |thumb|If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning…]]
:&lt;small&gt; ''An address on West India Emancipation'' (3 August 1857), according to ''Frederick Douglass : Selected Speeches and Writings'', p. vi ; other sources give 4 August 1857. Other citation source: Frederick Douglass, West India Emancipation Speech, Delivered at Canandaigua, New York (Aug. 4, 1857), in ''2 The Life and Writings of Frederick Douglass'' 437 (Philip S. Foner ed., 1950).&lt;/small&gt;
* Let me give you a word of the philosophy of reform. The whole history of the progress of human [[liberty]] shows that all concessions yet made to her august claims, have been born of earnest struggle. The conflict has been exciting, agitating, all-absorbing, and for the time being, putting all other tumults to silence. It must do this or it does nothing. '''If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor [[freedom]], and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters.''' This struggle may be a moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it may be both moral and physical; but it must be a struggle. '''Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will. Find out just what any people will quietly submit to, and you have found out the exact amount of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them'''; and these will continue till they are resisted with either words or blows, or with both. The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress. [...] '''Men might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.''' If we ever get free from the oppressions and wrongs heaped upon us, we must pay for their removal. We must do this by labor, by suffering, by sacrifice, and if needs be, by our lives and the lives of others.

===1860s===
* To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker.
** ''A Plea For Free Speech in Boston'' (10 December 1860), as contained in [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/1461748917 ''Words That Changed America''], Alex Barnett, Rowman &amp; Littlefield (reprint, 2006), p. 156

* The American people and the Government at Washington may refuse to recognize it for a time but the inexorable logic of events will force it upon them in the end; that '''the war now being waged in this land is a war for and against slavery.''' 
**On the American Civil War (1861); as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=qPW8i99nuvEC&amp;printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false ''Afro-American Writing: An Anthology of Prose and Poetry''], by Richard A. Long.

* Though ignored by our friends and repelled by our enemies, the colored people, both north and south, have evinced the most ardent desire to serve the cause of their country….That they are not largely represented in the loyal army is the fault of the Government, and a very grievous fault it is. Mark here our nation's degeneracy. Colored men were good enough to fight under Washington. They are not good enough to fight under McClellan. They were good enough to fight under Andrew Jackson. They are not good enough to fight under Gen. Halleck. They were good enough to help win American independence, but they are not good enough to help preserve that independence against treason and rebellion.
** [https://frederickdouglass.infoset.io/islandora/object/islandora%3A2219 &quot;The Black Man's Future in the Southern States&quot;], speech at Cooper Union, New York (5 February 1862)

* The [[destiny]] of the colored American … is the destiny of [[United States|America]].
** Speech at the Emancipation League (12 February 1862), Boston

*At 8 o’clock, the [body] of the hall was nearly filled with an intelligent and respectable looking audience – The exercises commenced with a patriotic song by the Hutchinsons, which was received with great applause. [[w:Henry Highland Garnet|The Rev. H. H. Garnett]] opened the meeting stating that the black man, a fugitive from Virginia, who was announced to speak would not appear, as a communication had been received yesterday from the South intimating that, for prudential reasons, it would not be proper for that person to appear, as his presence might affect the interests and safety of others in the South, both white persons and colored. He also stated that another fugitive slave, who was at the battle of Bull Run, proposed when the meeting was announced to be present, but for a similar reason he was absent; he had unwillingly fought on the side of Rebellion, but now he was, fortunately where he could raise his voice on the side of Union and universal liberty. The question which now seemed to be prominent in the nation was simply whether the services of black men shall be received in this war, and a speedy victory be accomplished. If the day should ever come when the flag of our country shall be the symbol of universal liberty, the black man should be able to look up to that glorious flag, and say that it was his flag, and his country’s flag; and if the services of the black men were wanted it would be found that they would rush into the ranks, and in a very short time sweep all the rebel party from the face of the country
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20160309192511/http://deadconfederates.com/tag/black-confederates/#_edn2 ''Douglass Monthly''] (March 1862), p. 623

* More than twenty years of unswerving devotion to our common [[cause]] may give me some humble claim to be trusted at this momentous crisis. I will not argue. To do so implies hesitation and [[doubt]], and you do not hesitate. You do not doubt. '''The day dawns; the morning star is bright upon the horizon! The iron gate of our [[prison]] stands half open. One gallant rush from the North will fling it wide open, while four millions of our brothers and sisters shall march out into [[liberty]]. The [[chance]] is now given you to end in a day the bondage of centuries, and to rise in one bound from social degradation to the place of common [[equality]] with all other varieties of men.'''
** [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=440 Men of Color, To Arms!] (21 March 1863)

* '''The relation between the white and colored people of this country is the great, paramount, imperative, and all-commanding question for this age and [[nation]] to solve.'''
** Speech at the Church of the Puritans, New York City (May 1863)

*He treated me as a man... He did not let me feel for a moment that there was any difference in the color of our skins.
**About Abraham Lincoln (1864), as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=cwVkgrvctCcC&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;dq=%22Eric+Foner%22+%22Republicans%22&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwiOwdup3aLLAhVK7SYKHZufDmUQ6AEIRjAH#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false ''Reconstruction: America's Unfinished Revolution, 1863-1877''], by Eric Foner, p. 6

* The fathers of this republic waged a seven years war for political liberty. Thomas Jefferson taught me that my bondage was, in its essence, worse than ages of that which your fathers rose in rebellion to oppose.
** Quoted by ''Jefferson's Monticello'', [https://tjrs.monticello.org/letter/1869 Extract from Frederick Douglass’s Address in Baltimore] (17 November 1864)

* I assure you, that this inestimable memento of his Excellency will be retained in my possession while I live — an object of sacred interest — a token not merely of the kind consideration in which I have reason to know that [[Abraham Lincoln|the President]] was pleased to hold me personally, but as an indication of his humane interest in the welfare of my whole race.
** Letter to Mary Todd Lincoln (17 August 1865).

*A man's rights rest in three boxes. The ballot box, jury box and the cartridge box. Let no man be kept from the ballot box because of his color. Let no woman be kept from the ballot box because of her sex.
**[http://books.google.ca/books?id=zFclDyk2LTEC&amp;pg=PA57#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false Speech] (15 November 1867).

* '''Most that I have done and suffered in the service of our cause has been in public, and I have received much encouragement at every step of the way. You, on the other hand, have labored in a private way.''' I have wrought in the day — you in the night. I have had the applause of the crowd and the satisfaction that comes of being approved by the multitude, while the most that you have done has been witnessed by a few trembling, scarred, and foot-sore bondmen and women, whom you have led out of the house of bondage, and whose heartfelt &quot; God bless you &quot; has been your only reward. '''The midnight sky and the silent stars have been the witnesses of your devotion to freedom and of your heroism. Excepting [[John Brown (abolitionist)|John Brown]] — of sacred memory — I know of no one who has willingly encountered more perils and hardships to serve our enslaved people than you have.''' Much that you have done would seem improbable to those who do not know you as I know you. It is to me a great pleasure and a great privilege to bear testimony to your character and your works, and to say to those to whom you may come, that I regard you in every way truthful and trustworthy.
** Letter to [[Harriet Tubman]] (29 August 1868), as quoted in ''Harriet, the Moses of Her People'' (1886) by Sarah Hopkins Bradford, p. 135

====The Constitution of the United States: Is It Pro-Slavery or Anti-Slavery? (1860)====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://archive.is/INHAu &quot;The Constitution of the United States: Is It Pro-Slavery or Anti-Slavery?&quot;] (26 March 1860), Glasgow, United Kingdom.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I, on the other hand, deny that the Constitution guarantees the right to hold property in man, and believe that the way to abolish slavery in America is to vote such men into power as well use their powers for the abolition''' of slavery. This is the issue plainly stated, and you shall judge between us.
*What, then, is the Constitution? I will tell you. It is not even like the British Constitution, which is made up of enactments of Parliament, decisions of Courts, and the established usages of the Government. The American Constitution is a written instrument full and complete in itself. No Court in America, no Congress, no President, can add a single word thereto, or take a single word threreto. It is a great national enactment done by the people, and can only be altered, amended, or added to by the people. I am careful to make this statement here; in America it would not be necessary. It would not be necessary here if my assailant had shown the same desire to be set before you the simple truth, which he manifested to make out a good case for himself and friends.

* Again, it should be borne in mind that the mere text, and only the text, and not any commentaries or creeds written by those who wished to give the text a meaning apart from its plain reading, was adopted as the Constitution of the United States. It should also be borne in mind that the intentions of those who framed the Constitution, be they good or bad, for slavery or against slavery, are so respected so far, and so far only, as we find those intentions plainly stated in the Constitution. It would be the wildest of absurdities, and lead to endless confusion and mischiefs, if, instead of looking to the written paper itself, for its meaning, it were attempted to make us search it out, in the secret motives, and dishonest intentions, of some of the men who took part in writing it. It was what they said that was adopted by the people, not what they were ashamed or afraid to say, and really omitted to say. 

*Bear in mind, also, and the fact is an important one, that the framers of the Constitution sat with doors closed, and that this was done purposely, that nothing but the result of their labours should be seen, and that that result should be judged of by the people free from any of the bias shown in the debates. It should also be borne in mind, and the fact is still more important, that the debates in the convention that framed the Constitution, and by means of which a pro-slavery interpretation is now attempted to be forced upon that instrument, were not published till more than a quarter of a century after the presentation and the adoption of the Constitution.

*But giving the provisions the very worse construction, what does it amount to? I answer — It is a downright disability laid upon the slaveholding States; one which deprives those States of two-fifths of their natural basis of representation. A black man in a free State is worth just two-fifths more than a black man in a slave State, as a basis of political power under the Constitution. Therefore, instead of encouraging slavery, the Constitution encourages freedom by giving an increase of “two-fifths” of political power to free over slave States. So much for the three-fifths clause; taking it at is worst, it still leans to freedom, not slavery; for, be it remembered that the Constitution nowhere forbids a coloured man to vote.

*'''The Constitution itself. Its language is &quot;we the people&quot;; not we the white people. Not even we the citizens, not we the privileged class, not we the high, not we the low, but we the people. Not we the horses, sheep, and swine, and wheel-barrows, but we the people, we the human inhabitants'''. If '''Negroes are people, they are included in the benefits for which the Constitution of America was ordained and established. But how dare any man who pretends to be a friend to the Negro thus gratuitously concede away what the Negro has a right to claim under the Constitution?''' Why should such friends invent new arguments to increase the hopelessness of his bondage? This, I undertake to say, as the conclusion of the whole matter, that the constitutionality of slavery can be made out only by disregarding the plain and common-sense reading of the Constitution itself; by discrediting and casting away as worthless the most beneficent rules of legal interpretation; by ruling the Negro outside of these beneficent rules; by claiming that the Constitution does not mean what it says, and that it says what it does not mean; by disregarding the written Constitution, and interpreting it in the light of a secret understanding. It is in this mean, contemptible, and underhand method that the American Constitution is pressed into the service of slavery. They go everywhere else for proof that the Constitution declares that no person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law; it secures to every man the right of trial by jury, the privilege of the writ of ''habeas corpus'' — the great writ that put an end to slavery and slave-hunting in England — and it secures to every State a republican form of government. Anyone of these provisions in the hands of abolition statesmen, and backed up by a right moral sentiment, would put an end to slavery in America.

*The Constitution forbids the passing of a bill of attainder: that is, a law entailing upon the child the disabilities and hardships imposed upon the parent. Every slave law in America might be repealed on this very ground. The slave is made a slave because his mother is a slave. But to all this it is said that the practice of the American people is against my view. I admit it. They have given the Constitution a slaveholding interpretation. I admit it. Thy have committed innumerable wrongs against the Negro in the name of the Constitution. Yes, I admit it all; and I go with him who goes farthest in denouncing these wrongs. But it does not follow that the Constitution is in favor of these wrongs because the slaveholders have given it that interpretation. To be consistent in his logic, the City Hall speaker must follow the example of some of his brothers in America — he must not only fling away the Constitution, but the Bible. The Bible must follow the Constitution, for that, too, has been interpreted for slavery by American divines. Nay, more, he must not stop with the Constitution of America, but make war with the British Constitution, for, if I mistake not, the gentleman is opposed to the union of Church and State. In America he called himself a Republican. Yet he does not go for breaking down the British Constitution, although you have a Queen on the throne, and bishops in the House of Lords.

*'''My argument against the dissolution of [[United States|the American Union]] is this. It would place the slave system more exclusively under the control of the slave-holding states, and withdraw it from the power in the northern states which is opposed to slavery. [[Slavery]] is essentially barbarous in its character. It, above all things else, dreads the presence of an advanced civilization. It flourishes best where it meets no reproving frowns, and hears no condemning voices. While in [[United States|the Union]] it will meet with both. Its hope of life, in the last resort, is to get out of the Union. I am, therefore, for drawing the bond of the Union more completely under the power of the free states. What they most dread, that I most desire'''. I have much confidence in the instincts of the slaveholders. They see that the Constitution will afford slavery no protection when it shall cease to be administered by slaveholders. They see, moreover, that if there is '''once a will in the people of America to abolish slavery, this is no word, no syllable in the Constitution to forbid that result'''. They see that the Constitution has not saved slavery in Rhode Island, in Connecticut, in New York, or Pennsylvania; that the Free States have only added three to their original number. There were twelve Slave States at the beginning of the Government: there are fifteen now.

*The dissolution of the Union would not give the North a single advantage over [[slavery]], but would take from it many. Within the Union we have a firm basis of opposition to slavery. It is opposed to all the great objects of the Constitution. The dissolution of the Union is not only an unwise but a cowardly measure; fifteen millions running away from three hundred and fifty thousand slaveholders. Mr. Garrison and his friends tell us that while in the Union we are responsible for slavery. He and they sing out 'No Union with slaveholders', and refuse to vote. I admit our responsibility for slavery while in the Union but I deny that going out of the Union would free us from that responsibility. There now clearly is no freedom from responsibility for slavery to any American citizen short to the abolition of slavery. The American people have gone quite too far in this slaveholding business now to sum up their whole business of slavery by singing out the cant phrase, &quot;No union with slaveholders&quot;. To desert the family hearth may place the recreant husband out of the presence of his starving children, but this does not free him from responsibility. If a man were on board of a pirate ship, and in company with others had robbed and plundered, his whole duty would not be preformed simply by taking the longboat and singing out, 'No union with pirates'. '''His duty would be to restore the stolen property'''.

*The American people in the Northern States have helped to enslave the black people. Their duty will not have been done till they give them back their plundered rights. Reference was made at the City Hall to my having once held other opinions, and very different opinions to those I have now expressed. '''An old speech of mine delivered fourteen years ago was read to show — I know not what. Perhaps it was to show that I am not infallible. If so, I have to say in defense, that I never pretended to be'''.

*Although I cannot accuse myself of being remarkably unstable, I do not pretend that I have never altered my opinion both in respect to men and things. Indeed, I have been very much modified both in feeling and opinion within the last fourteen years. When I escaped from slavery, and was introduced to the Garrisonians, I adopted very many of their opinions, and defended them just as long as I deemed them true. I was young, had read but little, and naturally took some things on trust. Subsequent experience and reading have led me to examine for myself. This had brought me to other conclusions. When I was a child, I thought and spoke as a child. But the question is not as to what were my opinions fourteen years ago, but what they are now. If I am right now, it really does not matter what I was fourteen years ago. My position now is one of reform, not of revolution. I would act for the abolition of slavery through the Government — not over its ruins. If slaveholders have ruled the American Government for the last fifty years, let the anti-slavery men rule the nation for the next fifty years. If the South has made the Constitution bend to the purposes of slavery, let the North now make that instrument bend to the cause of freedom and justice. If 350,000 slaveholders have, by devoting their energies to that single end, been able to make slavery the vital and animating spirit of the American Confederacy for the last 72 years, now let the freemen of the North, who have the power in their own hands, and who can make the American Government just what they think fit, resolve to blot out for ever the foul and haggard crime, which is the blight and mildew, the curse and the disgrace of the whole United States.

====Should the Negro Enlist in the Union Army? (1863)====
:&lt;small&gt;Speech, [https://books.google.com/books?id=8e0xAwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA49&amp;lpg=PA49&amp;dq=%22would+be+given+over+to+the+most+excruciating+tortures,+while+the+last+hope+of+the+long+crushed+bondman+would+be+extinguished+forever.%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=0cDMg0cBM3&amp;sig=ACfU3U3DUK8rKYJ4Oq1K9p4IZ-FUnVZV6Q&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwi68bCG567iAhWGY98KHb3ZCaQQ6AEwAHoECAYQAQ#v=onepage&amp;q=%22would%20be%20given%20over%20to%20the%20most%20excruciating%20tortures%2C%20while%20the%20last%20hope%20of%20the%20long%20crushed%20bondman%20would%20be%20extinguished%20forever.%22&amp;f=false &quot;Should the Negro Enlist in the Union Army?&quot;], National Hall, Philadelphia (6 July 1863); published in ''Douglass' Monthly,'' August 1863&lt;/small&gt;
*Now, if the Abolitionists are the cause of the war, they are the cause of it only because they sought the abolition of slavery. View it in any way you please, therefore, [[Confederate States of America|the rebels]] [[American Civil War|are fighting for]] the existence of slavery; they are fighting for the privilege, the horrid privilege of sundering the dearest ties of human nature; of trafficking in slaves and the souls of men; for the ghastly privilege of scourging women and selling innocent children.

*I say this is not the concealed object of the war, but the openly professed and shamelessly proclaimed object of the war. [[Alexander H. Stephens|Vice-President Stephens]] [[w:Cornerstone Speech|has stated, with the utmost clearness and precision, the difference between the fundamental ideas of the Confederate Government and those of the Federal Government. One is based on the idea that colored men are an inferior race who may be enslaved and plundered forever and to the hearts content of any men of different complexion, while the Federal government recognizes the natural and fundamental equality of all men]]. I say again we all know that [[Confederate States of America\this Jefferson Davis government]] holds out to us nothing but fetters, chains, auction blocks, bludgeons, branding irons and eternal slavery and degradation. If it triumphs in this contest, woe, woe, ten thousand woes, to the black man! Such of us who are free, in all the likelihoods of the case, would be given over to the most excruciating tortures, while the last hope of the long crushed bondman would be extinguished forever.

*I do not ask you about the dead past. I bring you to the living present.

* The independence of Haiti is recognized; her Minister sits beside our Prime Minister, Mr. Seward, and dines at his table in Washington, while colored men are excluded from the cars in Philadelphia; showing that a black man’s complexion in Washington, in the presence of the Federal Government, is less offensive than in the city of brotherly love. Citizenship is no longer denied us under this government.

*I hold that the Federal Government was never, in its essence, anything but an anti-slavery government.  Abolish slavery tomorrow, and not a sentence or syllable of the Constitution need be altered.  It was purposely so framed as to give no claim, no sanction to the claim, of property in a man.  If in its origin slavery had any relation to the government, it was only as the scaffolding to the magnificent structure, to be removed as soon as the building was completed. 
**As quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=-m2WBgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT106&amp;lpg=PT106&amp;dq=%22scaffolding+to+the+magnificent+structure%22+douglass&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=KT4-pHUo5-&amp;sig=ACfU3U21MIZj_niQo7pIGSxeO5vhEkXq4w&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwim6fvM3I3iAhVqiOAKHWIqDK8Q6AEwB3oECAcQAQ#v=onepage&amp;q=%22scaffolding%20to%20the%20magnificent%20structure%22%20douglass&amp;f=false ''Frederick Douglass and the Fourth of July'']

*There is in the Constitution no East, no West, no North, no South, no black, no white, no slave, no slaveholder, but all are citizens who are of American birth.

*Once let the black man get upon his person the brass letters &quot;U.S.&quot;, let him get an eagle on his button, and a musket on his shoulder, and bullets in his pocket, and there is no [[power]] on [[earth]] or under the earth which can deny that he has earned the right of [[citizenship]] in the [[United States]].
**[https://frederickdouglass.infoset.io/islandora/object/islandora%3A2333 &quot;Negroes and the National War Effort&quot;], speech in Philadelphia (6 July 1863)

*Do I hear you say you offered your services to Pennsylvania and you were refused? I know it, but what of that? The State is not more than the nation. The greater includes the lesser. Because the State refuses, you should all the more readily turn to the United States. When the children fall out, they should refer their quarrel to the parent. ''&quot;You came unto your own and your own received you not.&quot;'' But the broad gates of the United States stand open night and day. Citizenship in the United States will, in the end, secure your citizenship in the State.

====What the Black Man Wants (1865)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/what-the-black-man-wants/ &quot;What the Black Man Wants&quot;], speech in Boston, Massachusetts (1865).&lt;/small&gt;

*I hold that '''women, as well as men, have the right to vote, and my heart and my voice go with the movement to extend suffrage to woman'''.

* This war, let it be long or let it be short, let it cost much or let it cost little... shall not cease until every freedman at the South has the right to vote.

*We may be asked, I say, why we want it. I will tell you why we want it. We want it because it is our right, first of all. No class of men can, without insulting their own nature, be content with any deprivation of their rights. We want it again, as a means for educating our race. Men are so constituted that they derive their conviction of their own possibilities largely from the estimate formed of them by others. '''If nothing is expected of a people, that people will find it difficult to contradict that expectation'''. By depriving us of suffrage, you affirm our incapacity to form an intelligent judgment respecting public men and public measures; you declare before the world that we are unfit to exercise the elective franchise, and by this means lead us to undervalue ourselves, to put a low estimate upon ourselves, and to feel that we have no possibilities like other men. Again, I want the elective franchise, for one, as a colored man, because '''ours is a peculiar government, based upon a peculiar idea, and that idea is universal suffrage'''.

*'''I utterly deny, that we are originally, or naturally, or practically, or in any way, or in any important sense, inferior to anybody on this globe'''. This charge of inferiority is an old dodge. It has been made available for oppression on many occasions. '''It is only about six centuries since the blue-eyed and fair-haired Anglo Saxons were considered inferior by the haughty Normans, who once trampled upon them. If you read the history of the Norman Conquest, you will find that this proud Anglo-Saxon was once looked upon as of coarser clay than his Norman master, and might be found in the highways and byways of Old England laboring with a brass collar on his neck, and the name of his master marked upon it were down then! You are up now. I am glad you are up, and I want you to be glad to help us up also'''.

*The story of our inferiority is an old dodge, as I have said; for wherever men oppress their fellows, wherever they enslave them, they will endeavor to find the needed apology for such enslavement and oppression in the character of the people oppressed and enslaved. When we wanted, a few years ago, a slice of Mexico, it was hinted that the Mexicans were an inferior race, that the old Castilian blood had become so weak that it would scarcely run down hill, and that Mexico needed the long, strong and beneficent arm of the Anglo-Saxon care extended over it. We said that it was necessary to its salvation, and a part of the “manifest destiny” of this Republic, to extend our arm over that dilapidated government. So, too, when Russia wanted to take possession of a part of the Ottoman Empire, the Turks were “an inferior race.” So, too, when England wants to set the heel of her power more firmly in the quivering heart of old Ireland, the Celts are an “inferior race.” So, too, the Negro, when he is to be robbed of any right which is justly his, is an “inferior man.” It is said that we are ignorant; I admit it. But if we know enough to be hung, we know enough to vote. If the Negro knows enough to pay taxes to support the government, he knows enough to vote; taxation and representation should go together. If he knows enough to shoulder a musket and fight for the flag, fight for the government, he knows enough to vote. If he knows as much when he is sober as an Irishman knows when drunk, he knows enough to vote, on good American principles.

*What have you asked the black men of the South, the black men of the whole country, to do? Why, you have asked them to incur the deadly enmity of their masters, in order to befriend you and to befriend this Government. You have asked us to call down, not only upon ourselves, but upon our children’s children, the deadly hate of the entire Southern people. You have called upon us to turn our backs upon our masters, to abandon their cause and espouse yours; to turn against the South and in favor of the North.

*'''Shoot down the Confederacy and uphold the flag; the American flag'''.

*You have called upon us to expose ourselves to all the subtle machinations of their malignity for all time. And now, what do you propose to do when you come to make peace? To reward your enemies, and trample in the dust your friends? Do you intend to sacrifice the very men who have come to the rescue of your banner in the South, and incurred the lasting displeasure of their masters thereby? Do you intend to sacrifice them and reward your enemies? Do you mean to give your enemies the right to vote, and take it away from your friends? Is that wise policy? Is that honorable? Could American honor withstand such a blow? I do not believe you will do it. I think you will see to it that we have the right to vote. There is something too mean in looking upon the Negro, when you are in trouble, as a citizen, and when you are free from trouble, as an alien. When this nation was in trouble, in its early struggles, it looked upon the Negro as a citizen. In 1776 he was a citizen. At the time of the formation of the Constitution the Negro had the right to vote in eleven States out of the old thirteen. In your trouble you have made us citizens. In [[w:War of 1812|1812]] [[Andrew Jackson|General Jackson]] addressed [[w:African American|us]] as citizens; 'fellow-citizens'. He wanted us to fight. We were citizens then! And now, when you come to frame a conscription bill, the Negro is a citizen again. He has been a citizen just three times in the history of this government, and it has always been in time of trouble. In time of trouble we are citizens. Shall we be citizens in war, and aliens in peace? Would that be just?

* '''In regard to the colored people, there is always more that is benevolent, I perceive, than just, manifested towards us. What I ask for the negro is not benevolence, not [[pity]], not sympathy, but simply ''[[justice]]''.''' The American people have always been anxious to know what they shall do with us... I have had but one answer from the beginning. Do nothing with us! Your doing with us has already played the mischief with us. Do nothing with us! If the apples will not remain on the [[tree]] of their own [[strength]], if they are worm-eaten at the core, if they are early ripe and disposed to fall, let them fall! … And if the negro cannot stand on his own legs, let him fall also. All I ask is, give him a [[chance]] to stand on his own legs! Let him alone! If you see him on his way to school, let him alone, don't disturb him! If you see him going to the dinner table at a hotel, let him go! If you see him going to the ballot box, let him alone, don't disturb him! If you see him going into a work-shop, just let him alone, — your interference is doing him positive injury.

*Let him fall if he cannot stand alone! If the Negro cannot live by the line of eternal justice, so beautifully pictured to you in the illustration used by Mr. Phillips, the fault will not be yours, it will be his who made the Negro, and established that line for his government. Let him live or die by that. If you will only untie his hands, and give him a chance, I think he will live. He will work as readily for himself as the white man. A great many delusions have been swept away by this war. One was, that the Negro would not work; he has proved his ability to work. Another was, that the Negro would not fight; that he possessed only the most sheepish attributes of humanity; was a perfect lamb, or an “Uncle Tom;” disposed to take off his coat whenever required, fold his hands, and be whipped by anybody who wanted to whip him. But the war has proved that there is a great deal of human nature in the Negro.

====Reconstruction (1866)====
:&lt;small&gt;Full text of &quot;[[s:Reconstruction (Douglass)|Reconstruction]]&quot;, from ''Atlantic Monthly 18'' (1866): pp. 761-765&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:ArchivesRotunda.jpg|thumb|The Constitution of the United States knows no distinction between citizens on account of color.]]
*[T]he [[Constitution of the United States]] knows no distinction between citizens on account of color.

====Our Composite Nationality (1869)====
[[File:Confederate Third National Flag - Cancelled.png|thumb|[[American Civil War|This war]], let it be long or let it be short, let it cost much or let it cost little... shall not cease until every freedman at the South has the right to vote.]]
[[File:Conf Navy Jack (light blue).svg|thumb|Southern gentlemen who led in [[American Civil War|the late rebellion]] have not parted with their convictions at this point, any more than at any other. They want to be independent of the negro. They believed in slavery and they believe in it still. They believed in an aristocratic class, and they believe in it still.]]
[[File:Battle flag of the Confederate States of America.svg|thumb|Though they have lost slavery, one element essential to such a class, they still have two important conditions to the reconstruction of that class. They have intelligence, and they have land. Of these, the land is the more important. They cling to it with all the tenacity of a cherished superstition. They will neither sell to the negro, nor let the carpet-bagger have it in peace, but are determined to hold it for themselves and their children forever.]]
[[File:Confederate Monument - W frieze and statue - Arlington National Cemetery - 2011.JPG|thumb|They have not yet learned that when a principle is gone, the incident must go also; that what was wise and proper under slavery is foolish and mischievous in a state of general liberty; that the old bottles are worthless when the new wine has come; but they have found that land is a doubtful benefit, where there're no hands to till it.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/our-composite-nationality/ &quot;Our Composite Nationality&quot;] (7 December 1869), Boston, Massachusetts.&lt;/small&gt;
*As nations are among the largest and the most complete divisions into which society is formed, the grandest aggregations of organized human power; as they raise to observation and distinction the world’s greatest men, and call into requisition the highest order of talent and ability for their guidance, preservation and success, they are ever among the most attractive, instructive and useful subjects of thought, to those just entering upon the duties and activities of life.

*The simple organization of a people into a national body, composite or otherwise, is of itself an impressive fact. As an original proceeding, it marks the point of departure of a people, from the darkness and chaos of unbridled barbarism, to the wholesome restraints of public law and society. It implies a willing surrender and subjection of individual aims and ends, often narrow and selfish, to the broader and better ones that arise out of society as a whole. It is both a sign and a result of civilization. A knowledge of the character, resources and proceedings of other nations, affords us the means of comparison and criticism, without which progress would be feeble, tardy, and perhaps, impossible. It is by comparing one nation with another, and one learning from another, each competing with all, and all competing with each, that hurtful errors are exposed, great social truths discovered, and the wheels of civilization whirled onward.

*I am especially to speak to you of '''the character and mission of the [[United States]], with special reference to the question whether we are the better or the worse for being composed of different races of men. I propose to consider first, what we are, second, what we are likely to be, and, thirdly, what we ought to be. Without undue vanity or unjust depreciation of others, we may claim to be, in many respects, the most fortunate of nations. We stand in relations to all others, as youth to age. Other nations have had their day of greatness and glory; we are yet to have our day, and that day is coming. The dawn is already upon us. It is bright and full of promise. Other nations have reached their culminating point. We are at the beginning of our ascent'''. They have apparently exhausted the conditions essential to their further growth and extension, while we are abundant in all the material essential to further national growth and greatness. The resources of European statesmanship are now sorely taxed to maintain their nationalities at their ancient height of greatness and power. '''American statesmanship, worthy of the name, is now taxing its energies to frame measures to meet the demands of constantly increasing expansion of power, responsibility and duty. Without fault or merit on either side, theirs or ours, the balance is largely in our favor. Like the grand old forests, renewed and enriched from decaying trunks once full of life and beauty, but now moss-covered, oozy and crumbling, we are destined to grow and flourish while they decline and fade'''. This is one view of American position and destiny. It is proper to notice that it is not the only view. Different opinions and conflicting judgments meet us here, as elsewhere. 

*It is thought by many, and said by some, that [[United States|this republic]] has already seen its best days; that the historian may now write the story of its decline and fall. Two classes of men are just now especially afflicted with such forebodings. The first are those who are croakers by nature. The men who have a taste for funerals, and especially national funerals. They never see the bright side of anything, and probably never will. Like the raven in the lines of Edgar A. Poe, they have learned two words, and those are, 'never more'. They usually begin by telling us what we never shall see. Their little speeches are about as follows: ''You will never see such statesmen in the councils of the Nations as Clay, Calhoun and Webster. You will never see the south morally reconstructed and our once happy people again united. You will never see this Government harmonious and successful while in the hands of different races. You will never make the negro work without a master, or make him an intelligent voter, or a good and useful citizen. This last never is generally the parent of all the other little 'nevers' that follow''.

*'''During [[American Civil War|the late contest for the]] [[United States|Union]], the air was full of 'nevers', every one of which was contradicted and put to shame by the result, and I doubt not that most of those we now hear in our troubled air will meet the same fate. It is probably well for us that some of our gloomy prophets are limited in their powers to prediction'''. Could they [[wiktionary:command|commend]] the destructive bolt, as readily as they [[wiktionary:command|commend]] the destructive word, it is hard to say what might happen to the country. They might fulfill their own gloomy prophecies. Of course it is easy to see why certain other classes of men speak hopelessly concerning us. A Government founded upon justice, and recognizing the equal rights of all men; claiming no higher authority for its existence, or sanction for its laws, than nature, reason and the regularly ascertained will of the people; steadily refusing to put its sword and purse in the service of any religious creed or family, is a standing offense to most of the governments of the world, and to some narrow and bigoted people among ourselves.

*To those who doubt and deny the preponderance of good over evil in human nature; who think the few are made to rule, and the many to serve; who put rank above brotherhood, and race above humanity; who attach more importance to ancient forms than to the living realities of the present; who worship power in whatever hands it may be lodged and by whatever means it may have been obtained; our government is a mountain of sin, and, what is worse, it seems confirmed in its transgressions. One of the latest and most potent European prophets, one who felt himself called upon for a special deliverance concerning us and our destiny as a nation, was the late Thomas Carlyle. He described us as rushing to ruin, and when we may expect to reach the terrible end, our gloomy prophet, enveloped in the fogs of London, has not been pleased to tell us. Warning and advice from any quarter are not to be despised, and especially not from one so eminent as Mr. Carlyle; and yet Americans will find it hard to heed even men like him, while the animus is so apparent, bitter and perverse.

*A man to whom despotism is the savior and liberty the destroyer of society, who, during the last twenty years, in every contest between liberty and oppression, uniformally and promptly took sides with the oppressor; who regarded every extension of the right of suffrage, even to white men in his own country, as shooting Niagara; who gloated over deeds of cruelty, and talked of applying to the backs of men the beneficent whip, to the great delight of many of the slaveholders of America in particular, could have but little sympathy with our emancipated and progressive Republic, or with the triumph of liberty any where. But the American people can easily stand the utterances of such a man. They however have a right to be impatient and indignant at those among ourselves who turn the most hopeful portents into omens of disaster, and make themselves the ministers of despair, when they should be those of hope, and help cheer on the country in the new grand career of justice upon which it has now so nobly and bravely entered.

*Of errors and defects we certainly have not less than our full share, enough to keep the reformer awake, the statesman busy, and the country in a pretty lively state of agitation for some time to come. Perfection is an object to be aimed at by all, but it is not an attribute of any form of government. Mutability is the law for all. Something different, something better, or something worse may come, but so far as respects our present system and form of government, and the altitude we occupy, we need not shrink from comparison with any nation of our times. We are to day the best fed, the best clothed, the best sheltered and the best instructed people in the world.

*There was a time when even brave men might look fearfully upon the destiny of the Republic; when our country was involved in a tangled network of contradictions; when vast and irreconcilable social forces fiercely disputed for ascendency and control; when a heavy curse rested upon our very soil, defying alike the wisdom and the virtue of the people to remove it; when our professions were loudly mocked by our practice, and our name was a reproach and a byword to a mocking; when our good ship of state, freighted with the best hopes of the oppressed of all nations, was furiously hurled against the hard and flinty rocks of derision, and every cord, bolt, beam and bend in her body quivered beneath the shock, there was some apology for doubt and despair. But that day has happily passed away. The storm has been weathered, and the portents are nearly all in our favor.

*There are clouds, wind, smoke and dust and noise, over head and around, and there always will be; but no genuine thunder, with destructive bolt, menaces from any quarter of the sky. The real trouble with us was never our system or form of government, or the principles underlying it, but the peculiar composition of our people; the relations existing between them and the compromising spirit which controlled the ruling power of the country.

*'''We have for a long time hesitated to adopt and carry out the only principle which can solve that difficulty and give peace, strength and security to [[United States|the republic]], and that is the principle of absolute equality. We are a country of all extremes, ends and opposites. The most conspicuous example of composite nationality in the world. Our people defy all the ethnological and logical classifications. In races we range all the way from black to white, with intermediate shades which, as in the apocalyptic vision, no man can name or number'''.

*In regard to creeds and faiths, the condition is no better, and no worse. Differences both as to race and to religion are evidently more likely to increase than to diminish. We stand between the populous shores of two great oceans. Our land is capable of supporting one-fifth of all the globe. Here, labor is abundant and better renumerated than any where else. All moral, social and geographical causes conspire to bring to us the peoples of all other over populated countries.

*Europe and Africa are already here, and the Indian was here before either. He stands today between the two extremes of black and white, too proud to claim fraternity with either, and yet too weak to withstand the power of either. Heretofore, the policy of our government has been governed by race pride, rather than by wisdom. Until recently, neither the Indian nor the negro has been treated as a part of the body politic. No attempt has been made to inspire either with a sentiment of patriotism, but the hearts of both races have been diligently sown with the dangerous seeds of discontent and hatred.

*The policy of keeping the Indians to themselves, has kept the tomahawk and scalping knife busy upon our borders, and has cost us largely in blood and treasure. '''Our treatment of the negro has lacked humanity and filled the country with agitation and ill-feeling, and brought the nation to the verge of ruin'''. Before the relations of those two races are satisfactorily settled, and in despite of all opposition, a new race is making its appearance within our borders, and claiming attention. It is estimated that not less than one hundred thousand Chinamen are now within the limits of the United States. Several years ago every vessel, large or small, of steam or of sail, bound to our Pacific coast and hailing from the Flowery kingdom, added to the number and strength of this new element of our population.

*Men differ widely as to the magnitude of this potential Chinese immigration. The fact that by the late treaty with China we bind ourselves to receive immigrants from that country only as the subjects of the Emperor, and by the construction at least are bound not to naturalize them, and the further fact that Chinamen themselves have a superstitious devotion to their country and an aversion to permanent location in any other, contracting even to have their bones carried back, should they die abroad, and from the fact that many have returned to China, and the still more stubborn fact that resistance to their coming has increased rather than diminished, it is inferred that we shall never have a large Chinese population in America. This, however, is not my opinion. It may be admitted that these reasons, and others, may check and moderate the tide of immigration; but it is absurd to think that they will do more than this. Counting their number now by the thousands, the time is not remote when they will count them by the millions. '''The emperor&lt;!--'[s]--&gt; hold upon the Chinamen may be strong, but the Chinaman's hold upon himself is stronger'''.

* Treaties against naturalization, like all other treaties, are limited by circumstances. As to the superstitious attachment of the Chinese to China, that, like all other superstitions, will dissolve in the light and heat of truth and experience. The Chinaman may be a bigot, but it does not follow that he will continue to be one tomorrow. He is a man, and will be very likely to act like a man. He will not be long in finding out that a country that is good enough to live in is good enough to die in, and that a soil that was good enough to hold his body while alive, will be good enough to hold his bones when he is dead. Those who doubt a large immigration should remember that the past furnishes no criterion as a basis of calculation. We live under new and improved conditions of migration, and these conditions are constantly improving.

* [[United States|America]] is no longer an obscure and inaccessible country. Our ships are in every sea, our commerce is in every port, our language is heard all around the globe, steam and lightning have revolutionized the whole domain of human thought, changed all geographical relations, make a day of the present seem equal to a thousand years of the past, and the continent that Columbus only conjectured four centuries ago is now the center of the world.

*'''Southern gentlemen who led in the late rebellion have not parted with their convictions at this point, any more than at any other. They want to be independent of the negro. They believed in slavery and they believe in it still. They believed in an aristocratic class, and they believe in it still''', and though they have lost slavery, one element essential to such a class, they still have two important conditions to the reconstruction of that class. They have intelligence, and they have land. Of these, the land is the more important. They cling to it with all the tenacity of a cherished superstition. They will neither sell to the negro, nor let the carpet-bagger have it in peace, but are determined to hold it for themselves and their children forever. They have not yet learned that when a principle is gone, the incident must go also; that what was wise and proper under slavery is foolish and mischievous in a state of general liberty; that the old bottles are worthless when the new wine has come; but they have found that land is a doubtful benefit, where there're no hands to till it. Hence these gentlemen have turned their attention to the Celestial Empire. They would rather have laborers who would work for nothing; but as they cannot get the negro on these terms, they want Chinamen, who, they hope, will work for next to nothing.

*Companies and associations may yet be formed to promote this Mongolian invasion. The loss of the negro is to gain them the Chinese, and if the thing works well, abolition, in their opinion, will have proved itself to be another blessing in disguise. To the statesman it will mean Southern independence. To the pulpit, it will be the hand of Providence, and bring about the time of the universal dominion of the Christian religion. To all but the Chinaman and the negro it will mean wealth, ease and luxury. But alas, for all the selfish invention and dreams of men! The Chinaman will not long be willing to wear the cast off shoes of the negro, and, if he refuses, there will be trouble again. '''The negro [[Slavery|worked and took his pay in religion and the lash]]'''. The Chinaman is a different article and will want the cash. He may, like the negro, accept Christianity, but, unlike the negro, he will not care to pay for it in labor. He had the Golden Rule in substance five hundred years before the coming of Christ, and has notions of justice that are not to be confused by any.

*Nevertheless, the experiment will be tried. So far as getting the Chinese into our country is concerned, it will yet be a success. This elephant will be drawn by our southern brethren, though they will hardly know in the end what to do with him. Appreciation of the value of Chinamen as laborers will, I apprehend, become general in this country. The north was never indifferent to the southern influence and example, and it will not be so in this instance. '''The Chinese in themselves have first rate recommendations. They are industrious, docile, cleanly, frugal. They are dexterous of hand, patient in toil, marvelously gifted in the power of imitation, and have but few wants'''. Those who have carefully observed their habits in California say that they subsist upon what would be almost starvation to others. The conclusion of the whole will be that they will want to come to us, and, as we become more liberal, we shall want them to come, and what we want done will naturally be done. They will no longer halt upon the shores of California. They will burrow no longer in her exhausted and deserted gold mines, where they have gathered wealth from barrenness, taking what others left. They will turn their backs not only upon the Celestial Empire but upon the golden shores of the Pacific, and the wide waste of waters whose majestic waves spoke to them of home and country. They will withdraw their eyes from the glowing West and fix them upon the rising sun. They will cross the mountains, cross the plains, descend our rivers, penetrate to the heart of the country and fix their home with us forever.

*Assuming then that immigration already has a foothold and will combine for many years to come, we have a new element in our national composition which is likely to exercise a large influence upon the thought and the action of the whole nation.

*The old question as to what shall be done with the negro will have to give place to the greater question “What shall be done with the Mongolian,” and perhaps we shall see raised one still greater, namely, “What will the Mongolian do with both the negro and the white?” Already has the matter taken shape in California and on the Pacific coast generally. Already has California assumed a bitterly unfriendly attitude toward the Chinaman. Already has she driven them from her altars of justice. Already has she stamped them as outcasts and handed them over to popular contempts and vulgar jest. Already are they the constant victims of cruel harshness and brutal violence. Already have our Celtic brothers, never slow to execute the behests of popular prejudice against the weak and defenseless, recognized in the heads of these people, fit targets for their shilalahs. Already, too, are their associations formed in avowed hostility to the Chinese. In all this there is, of course, nothing strange. Repugnance to the presence and influence of foreigners is an ancient feeling among men. It is peculiar to no particular race or nation. It is met with, not only in the conduct of one nation towards another, but in the conduct of the inhabitants of the different parts of the same country, some times of the same city, and even of the same village. 'Lands intersected by a narrow frith abhor each other. Mountains interposed, make enemies of nations'. To the Greek, every man not speaking Greek is a barbarian. To the Jew, everyone not circumcised is a gentile. To the Mohametan, every one not believing in the Prophet is a kaffer.

*I need not repeat here the multitude of reproachful epithets expressive of the same sentiment among ourselves. All who are not to the manor born have been made to feel the lash and sting of these reproachful names. '''For [[Bigotry|this feeling]] there are many apologies, for there was never yet an error, however flagrant and hurtful, for which some plausible defense could not be framed. Chattel slavery, king craft, priest craft, pious frauds, intolerance, persecution, suicide, assassination, repudiation, and a thousand other errors and crimes have all had their defenses and apologies. Prejudice of race and color has been equally upheld. The two best arguments in the defense are, first, the worthlessness of the class against which it is directed; and, second, that the feeling itself is entirely natural. The way to overcome the first argument is to work for the elevation of those deemed worthless, and thus make them worthy of regard, and they will soon become worthy and not worthless. As to the natural argument, it may be said that nature has many sides. Many things are in a certain sense natural, which are neither wise nor best. It is natural to walk, but shall men therefore refuse to ride? It is natural to ride on horseback, shall men therefore refuse steam and rail?''' Civilization is itself a constant war upon some forces in nature, shall we therefore abandon civilization and go back to savage life? Nature has two voices, the one high, the other low; one is in sweet accord with reason and justice, and the other apparently at war with both. The more men know of the essential nature of things, and of the true relation of mankind, the freer they are from prejudice of every kind. The child is afraid of the giant form of his own shadow. This is natural, but he will part with his fears when he is older and wiser. So ignorance is full of prejudice, but it will disappear with enlightenment. But I pass on.

*'''I have said that the Chinese will come, and have given some reasons why we may expect them in very large numbers in no very distant future. Do you ask if I would favor such immigrations? I answer, I would. 'Would you admit them as witnesses in our courts of law?' I would. Would you have them naturalized, and have them invested with all the rights of American citizenship? I would. Would you allow them to vote? I would. Would you allow them to hold office? I would'''. 

*But are there not reasons against all this? Is there not such a law or principle as that of self-preservation? Does not every race owe something to itself? Should it not attend to the dictates of common sense? Should not a superior race protect itself from contact with inferior ones? Are not the white people the owners of this continent? Have they not the right to say what kind of people shall be allowed to come here and settle? Is there not such a thing as being more generous than wise? In the effort to promote civilization may we not corrupt and destroy what we have? Is it best to take on board more passengers than the ship will carry? To all this and more I have one among many answers, altogether satisfactory to me, though I cannot promise it will be entirely so to you. I submit that this question of Chinese immigration should be settled upon higher principles than those of a cold and selfish expediency. There are such things in the world as human rights. They rest upon no conventional foundation, but are eternal, universal and indestructible. Among these is the right of locomotion; the right of migration; the right which belongs to no particular race, but belongs alike to all and to all alike. It is the right you assert by staying here, and your fathers asserted by coming here. It is this great right that I assert for the Chinese and the Japanese, and for all other varieties of men equally with yourselves, now and forever. I know of no rights of race superior to the rights of humanity, and when there is a supposed conflict between human and national rights, it is safe to go the side of humanity. I have great respect for the blue-eyed and light-haired races of America. They are a mighty people. In any struggle for the good things of this world, they need have no fear, they have no need to doubt that they will get their full share. But I reject the arrogant and scornful theory by which they would limit migratory rights, or any other essential human rights, to themselves, and which would make them the owners of this great continent to the exclusion of all other races of men. I want a home here not only for the negro, the mulatto and the Latin races, but I want the Asiatic to find a home here in the United States, and feel at home here, both for his sake and for ours. 

*Right wrongs no man. If respect is had to majorities, the fact that only one-fifth of the population of the globe is white and the other four-fifths are colored, ought to have some weight and influence in disposing of this and similar questions. It would be a sad reflection upon the laws of nature and upon the idea of justice, to say nothing of a common Creator, if four-fifths of mankind were deprived of the rights of migration to make room for the one-fifth. If the white race may exclude all other races from this continent, it may rightfully do the same in respect to all other lands, islands, capes and continents, and thus have all the world to itself, and thus what would seem to belong to the whole would become the property of only a part. So much for what is right, now let us see what is wise. 

*And '''here I hold that a liberal and brotherly welcome to all who are likely to come to the United States is the only wise policy which this nation can adopt. It has been thoughtfully observed that every nation, owing to its peculiar character and composition, has a definite mission in the world. What that mission is, and what policy is best adapted to assist in its fulfillment, is the business of its people and its statesmen to know, and knowing, to make a noble use of this knowledge. I need not stop here to name or describe the missions of other or more ancient nationalities. Our seems plain and unmistakable. Our geographical position, our relation to the outside world, our fundamental principles of government, world-embracing in their scope and character, our vast resources, requiring all manner of labor to develop them, and our already existing composite population, all conspire to one grand end, and that is, to make us the perfect national illustration of the unity and dignity of the human family that the world has ever seen. In whatever else other nations may have been great and grand, our greatness and grandeur will be found in the faithful application of the principle of perfect civil equality to the people of all races and of all creeds'''. We are not only bound to this position by our organic structure and by our revolutionary antecedents, but by the genius of our people. Gathered here from all quarters of the globe, by a common aspiration for national liberty as against caste, divine right govern and privileged classes, it would be unwise to be found fighting against ourselves and among ourselves, it would be unadvised to attempt to set up any one race above another, or one religion above another, or prescribe any on account of race, color or creed.

*The apprehension that we shall be swamped or swallowed up by Mongolian civilization; that the Caucasian race may not be able to hold their own against that vast incoming population, does not seem entitled to much respect. '''Though they come as the waves come, we shall be all the stronger if we receive them as friends and give them a reason for loving our country and our institutions'''. They will find here a deeply rooted, indigenous, growing civilization, augmented by an ever-increasing stream of immigration from Europe, and possession is nine points of the law in this case, as well as in others. They will come as strangers. We are at home. They will come to us, not we to them. They will come in their weakness, we shall meet them in our strength. They will come as individuals, we will meet them in multitudes, and with all the advantages of organization. Chinese children are in American schools in San Francisco. None of our children are in Chinese schools, and probably never will be, though in some things they might well teach us valuable lessons. Contact with these yellow children of the Celestial Empire would convince us that the points of human difference, great as they, upon first sight, seem, are as nothing compared with the points of human agreement. Such contact would remove [[Bigotry|mountains of prejudice]].

*It is said that it is not good for man to be alone. This is true, not only in the sense in which our women’s rights’ friends so zealously and wisely teach, but it is true as to nations. The voice of civilization speaks an unmistakable language against the isolation of families, nations and races, and pleads for composite nationality as essential to her triumphs. Those races of men who have maintained the most distinct and separate existence for the longest periods of time; which have had the least intercourse with other races of men are standing confirmation of the folly of isolation. The very soil of the national mind becomes in such cases barren, and can only be resuscitated by assistance from without.

*Look at [[England]], whose mighty power is now felt, and for centuries has been felt, all around the world. It is worthy of special remark, that precisely those parts of [[Great Britain|that proud island]] which have received the largest and most diversified populations, are to day the parts most distinguished for industry, enterprise, invention and general enlightenment. In Wales, and in the Highlands of Scotland the boast is made of their pure blood, and that they were never conquered, but no man can contemplate them without wishing they had been conquered. They are far in the rear of every other part of the English realm in all the comforts and conveniences of life, as well as in mental and physical development. Neither law nor learning descends to us from the mountains of Wales or from the Highlands of Scotland. The ancient Briton, whom Julius Caesar would not have as a slave, is not to be compared with the round, burly, amplitudinous Englishman in many of his qualities of desirable manhood.

*The theory that each race of men has some special faculty, some peculiar gift or quality of mind or heart, needed to the perfection and happiness of the whole is a broad and beneficent theory, and, besides its beneficence, has, in its support, the voice of experience. Nobody doubts this theory when applied to animals or plants, and no one can show that it is not equally true when applied to races. '''All great qualities are never found in any one man or in any one race. The whole of humanity, like the whole of everything else, is ever greater than a part. Men only know themselves by knowing others, and contact is essential to this knowledge'''. In one race we perceive the predominance of imagination; in another, like the Chinese, we remark its almost total absence. In one people we have the reasoning faculty; in another the genius for music; in another exists courage, in another great physical vigor, and so on through the whole list of human qualities. All are needed to temper, modify, round and complete the whole man and the whole nation.

*Not the least among the arguments whose consideration should dispose us to welcome among us the peoples of all countries, nationalities and colors, is the fact that '''all races and varieties of men are improvable. This is the grand distinguishing attribute of humanity, and separates man from all other animals. If it could be shown that any particular race of men are literally incapable of improvement, we might hesitate to welcome them here. But no such men are anywhere to be found, and if they were, it is not likely that they would ever trouble us with their presence'''. The fact that the Chinese and other nations desire to come and do come is a proof of their capacity for improvement and of their fitness to come.

*We should take counsel of both nature and art in the consideration of this question. When the architect intends a grand structure, he makes the foundation broad and strong. We should imitate this prudence in laying the foundations of the future Republic. There is a law of harmony in all departments of nature. The oak is in the acorn. The career and destiny of individual men are enfolded in the elements of which they are composed. The same is true of a nation. It will be something or it will be nothing. It will be great, or it will be small, according to its own essential qualities. As these are rich and varied, or pure and simple, slender and feeble, broad and strong, so will be the life and destiny of the nation itself. The stream cannot rise higher than its source. The ship cannot sail faster than the wind. The flight of the arrow depends upon the strength and elasticity of the bow, and as with these, so with a nation.

*If we would reach a degree of civilization higher and grander than any yet attained, '''we should welcome to our ample continent all the nations, kindreds, tongues and peoples, and as fast as they learn our language and comprehend the duties of citizenship, we should incorporate them into the American body politic. The outspread wings of the American eagle are broad enough to shelter all who are likely to come'''. As a matter of selfish policy, leaving right and humanity out of the question, we cannot wisely pursue any other course. Other governments mainly depend for security upon the sword; ours depends mainly upon the friendship of the people. In all matters, in time of peace, in time of war, and at all times, it makes its appeal to the people, and to all classes of the people. Its strength lies in their friendship and cheerful support in every time of need, and that policy is a mad one which would reduce the number of its friends by excluding those who would come, or by alienating those who are already here.

*'''[[United States|Our Republic]] is itself a strong argument in favor of composite nationality'''. It is no disparagement to the Americans of English descent to affirm that much of the wealth, leisure, culture, refinement and civilization of the country are due to the arm of the negro and the muscle of the Irishman. Without these, and the wealth created by their sturdy toil, English civilization had still lingered this side of the Alleghanies, and the wolf still be howling on their summits. To no class of our population are we more indebted for valuable qualities of head, heart, and hand, than to the German. Say what we will of their lager, their smoke, and their metaphysics, they have brought to us a fresh, vigorous and child-like nature; a boundless facility in the acquisition of knowledge; a subtle and far-reaching intellect, and a fearless love of truth. Though remarkable for patient and laborious thought, the true German is a joyous child of freedom, fond of manly sports, a lover of music, and a happy man generally. Though he never forgets that he is a German, '''he never fails to remember that he is an American'''.

*A Frenchman comes here to make money, and that is about all that need be said of him. He is only a Frenchman. He neither learns our language nor loves our country. His hand is on our pocket and his eye on Paris. He gets what he wants and, like a sensible Frenchman, returns to France to spend it. Now let us answer briefly some objections to the general scope of my arguments. I am &lt;!--[told] --&gt;that science is against me; that races are not all of the same origin and that the unity theory of human origin has been exploded. I admit that this is a question that has two sides. It is impossible to trace the threads of human history sufficiently near their starting point to know much about the origin of races. '''In disposing of this question whether we shall welcome or repel immigration from China, Japan, or elsewhere, we may leave the differences among the theological doctors to be settled by themselves. Whether man originated at one time and one place; whether there was one Adam or five, or five hundred, does not affect the question'''.

*The great right of migration and the great wisdom of incorporating foreign elements into our body politic, are founded not upon any genealogical or ethnological theory, however learned, but upon the broad fact of a common nature. '''Man is man the world over. This fact is affirmed and admitted in any effort to deny it. The sentiments we exhibit, whether love or hate, confidence or fear, respect or contempt, will always imply a like humanity. A smile or a tear has no nationality. Joy and sorrow speak alike in all nations''', and they above all the confusion of tongues proclaim the brotherhood of man.

*It is objected to the Chinaman that he is secretive and treacherous, and will not tell the truth when he thinks it for his interest to tell a lie. There may be truth in all this; it sounds very much like the account of man’s heart given in the creeds. '''If he will not tell the truth, except when it is for his interest to do so, let us make it for his interest to tell the truth. We can do it by applying to him the same principle of justice that we apply to ourselves'''. But I doubt if the Chinese are more untruthful than other people. At this point I have one certain test. '''Mankind are not held together by lies. Trust is the foundation of society. Where there is no truth, there can be no trust, and where there is no trust, there can be no society. Where there is society, there is trust, and where there is trust, there is something upon which it is supported. Now a people who have confided in each other for five thousand years; who have extended their empire in all directions until it embraces one-fifth of the population of the globe; who hold important commercial relations with all nations; who are now entering into treaty stipulations with ourselves, and with all the great European powers, cannot be a nation of cheats and liars, but must have some respect for veracity. The very existence of China for so long a period, and her progress in civilization, are proofs of her truthfulness'''. This is the last objection which should come from those who profess the all-conquering power of the Christian religion. If that religion cannot stand contact with the Chinese, religion or no religion, so much the worse for those who have adopted it. It is the Chinaman, not the Christian, who should be alarmed for his faith. He exposes that faith to great dangers by exposing it to the freer air of America. But shall we send missionaries to the heathen to right to come to us? I think a few honest believers in the teachings of Confucius would be well employed in expounding his doctrines among us.

*The next objection to the Chinese is that he cannot be induced to swear by the Bible. This is to me one of his best recommendations. The American people will swear by any thing in the heaven above or the earth beneath. We are a nation of swearers. '''We swear by a book whose most authoritative command is to swear not at all. It is not of so much importance what a man swears by, as what he swears to, and if the Chinaman is so true to his convictions that he cannot be tempted or even coerced into so popular a custom as swearing by the Bible''', he gives good evidence of his integrity and of his veracity. Let the Chinaman come; he will help to augment the national wealth; he will help to develop our boundless resources; he will help to pay off our national debt; he will help to lighten the burden of our national taxation; he will give us the benefit of his skill as manufacturer and as a tiller of the soil, in which he is unsurpassed.

*Even the matter of religious liberty, which has cost the world more tears, more blood and more agony, than any other interest, will be helped by his presence. I know of no church, however tolerant; of no priesthood, however enlightened, which could be safely trusted with the tremendous power which universal conformity would confer. We should welcome all men of every shade of religious opinion, as among the best means of checking the arrogance and intolerance which are the almost inevitable concomitants of general conformity. Religious liberty always flourishes best amid the clash of competition of rival religious creeds.

*To the mind of superficial men the future of different races has already brought disaster and ruin upon the country. The poor negro has been charged with all our woes. In the haste of these men they forget that our trouble was not ethnological, but moral, that it was not difference of complexion, but difference of conviction. It was not the Ethiopian as a man, but the Ethiopian as a slave and a coveted article of merchandise, that gave us trouble. I close these remarks as I began. If our action shall be in accordance with the principles of justice, liberty, and perfect human equality, no eloquence can adequately portray the greatness and grandeur of the future of [[United States|the republic]]. We shall spread the network of our science and our civilization over all who seek their shelter, whether from Asia, Africa, or the isles of the sea. We shall mold them all, each after his kind, into Americans. Indian and Celt, Negro and Saxon, Latin and Teuton, Mongolian and Caucasian, Jew and gentile, all shall here bow to the same law, speak the same language, support the same government, enjoy the same liberty, vibrate with the same national enthusiasm, and seek the same national ends.

===1870s===

* Gentleman, I am a republican, a radical republican, a Black republican, a republican dyed in the wool, and for one I want the republican party to live as long as I do… It is the party of law and order, of liberty and progress, of honor and honesty, as against disloyalty, moral stagnation, dishonest voting, and repudiation. 
**Speech: “I Speak to You as an American Citizen” speech, Oct. 1, 1870, ''Douglas Papers'', ser. I, 4:275

*For colored men the Republican party is the deck, all outside is the sea.
**Speech: “The Republican Party Must Be Maintained in Power” speech, April 13, 1872, ''Douglas Papers'', ser. I, 4:298

====The Unknown Loyal Dead (1871)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://deadconfederates.com/2015/05/25/frederick-douglass-on-decoration-day-1871-5/ &quot;The Unknown Loyal Dead&quot; (30 May 1871), Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington County, Virginia.]&lt;/small&gt;
*Tarry here for a moment. My words shall be few and simple. The solemn rites of this hour and place call for no lengthened speech. There is, in the very air of this resting-ground of the unknown dead a silent, subtle and all-pervading eloquence, far more touching, impressive, and thrilling than living lips have ever uttered. Into the measureless depths of every loyal soul it is now whispering lessons of all that is precious, priceless, holiest, and most enduring in human existence.

*Dark and sad will be the hour to this nation when it forgets to pay grateful homage to its greatest benefactors. The offering we bring to-day is due alike to the patriot soldiers dead and their noble comrades who still live; for, whether living or dead, whether in time or eternity, the loyal soldiers who imperiled all for country and freedom are one and inseparable.

*Those unknown heroes whose whitened bones have been piously gathered here, and whose green graves we now strew with sweet and beautiful flowers, choice emblems alike of pure hearts and brave spirits, reached, in their glorious career that last highest point of nobleness beyond which human power cannot go. They died for their country.

*No loftier tribute can be paid to the most illustrious of all the benefactors of mankind than we pay to these unrecognized soldiers when we write above their graves this shining epitaph.

*When '''the dark and vengeful spirit of slavery, always ambitious, preferring to rule in hell than to serve in heaven, fired the southern heart and stirred all the malign elements of discord, when our great republic, the hope of freedom and self-government throughout the world, had reached the point of supreme peril, when the Union of these states was torn and rent asunder at the center, and the armies of a gigantic rebellion came forth with broad blades and bloody hands to destroy the very foundations of American society, the unknown braves who flung themselves into the yawning chasm, where cannon roared and bullets whistled, fought and fell'''. They died for their country.

*We are sometimes asked, in the name of patriotism, to forget the merits of this fearful struggle, and to remember with equal admiration those who struck at the nation’s life and those who struck to save it, those who fought for slavery and those who fought for liberty and justice. I am no minister of malice. I would not strike the fallen. I would not repel the repentant; but may my 'right hand forget her cunning and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth', if I forget the difference between the parties to that terrible, protracted, and bloody conflict.

*If we ought to forget a war which has filled our land with widows and orphans; which has made stumps of men of the very flower of our youth; which has sent them on the journey of life armless, legless, maimed and mutilated; which has piled up a debt heavier than a mountain of gold, swept uncounted thousands of men into bloody graves and planted agony at a million hearthstones. I say, if this war is to be forgotten, I ask, in the name of all things sacred, what shall men remember?

*The essence and significance of our devotions here today are not to be found in the fact that the men whose remains fill these graves were brave in battle. If we met simply to show our sense of bravery, we should find enough on both sides to kindle admiration. In the raging storm of fire and blood, in the fierce torrent of shot and shell, of sword and bayonet, whether on foot or on horse, unflinching courage marked the rebel not less than the loyal soldier.

*But we are not here to applaud manly courage, save as it has been displayed in a noble cause. We must never forget that victory to the rebellion meant death to the republic. We must never forget that the loyal soldiers who rest beneath this sod flung themselves between the nation and the nation's destroyers. If today we have a country not boiling in an agony of blood, like France, if now we have a united country, no longer cursed by the hell-black system of human bondage, if the American name is no longer a by-word and a hissing to a mocking earth, if the star-spangled banner floats only over free American citizens in every quarter of the land, and our country has before it a long and glorious career of justice, liberty, and civilization, we are indebted to the unselfish devotion of the noble army who rest in these honored graves all around us.

====Self-Made Men (1872)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/self-made-men/ &quot;Self-Made Men&quot;] (1872).&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Official Presidential portrait of Thomas Jefferson (by Rembrandt Peale, 1800).jpg|thumb|[[Thomas Jefferson|Jefferson]] was not ashamed to call the black man his brother and to address him as a gentleman.]]
*'''[[Thomas Jefferson|Jefferson]] was not ashamed to call the black man his brother and to address him as a gentleman'''.

*In the United States, the slightest infusion of Teutonic blood is thought to be sufficient to account for any considerable degree of intelligence found under any possible color of the skin.

*Personal independence is a virtue and it is the soul out of which comes the sturdiest manhood. But there can be no independence without a large share of self-dependence, and this virtue cannot be bestowed. It must be developed from within.
 
*I believe in individuality, but individuals are, to the mass, like waves to the ocean. The highest order of genius is as dependent as is the lowest.

*Self-made men are the men who, under peculiar difficulties and without the ordinary helps of favoring circumstances, have attained knowledge, usefulness, power and position and have learned from themselves the best uses to which life can be put in this world, and in the exercises of these uses to build up worthy character.

*'''[[England]] laughed at American authorship and we sent her Emerson and ''Uncle Tom's Cabin'''''. From its destitution of trees, [[Scotland]] was once a by-word; now it is a garden of beauty. Five generations ago, Britain was ashamed to write books in her own tongue. Now her language is spoken in all quarters of the globe. The Jim Crow Minstrels have, in many cases, led the negro to the study of music; while the doubt cast upon the negro’s tongue has sent him to the lexicon and grammar and to the study of Greek orators and orations.

*Detraction paves the way for the very perfections which it doubts and denies.

====Oratory in Memory of Abraham Lincoln (1876)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/oration-in-memory-of-abraham-lincoln/ &quot;Oratory in Memory of Abraham Lincoln&quot; (14 April 1876), The Freedmen's Monument, Lincoln Park, Washington, D.C.]&lt;/small&gt;&lt;!--[https://web.archive.org/web/20150302203311/http://www.lib.rochester.edu/index.cfm?PAGE=4071#_ftnref57 About Abraham Lincoln].--&gt;

* Friends and fellow citizens, I warmly congratulate you upon the highly interesting object which has caused you to assemble in such numbers and spirit as you have today. This occasion is in some respects remarkable. Wise and thoughtful men of our race, who shall come after us, and study the lesson of our history in the United States; who shall survey the long and dreary spaces over which we have traveled; who shall count the links in the great chain of events by which we have reached our present position, will make a note of this occasion; they will think of it and speak of it with a sense of manly pride and complacency.

* I congratulate you, also, upon the very favorable circumstances in which we meet today. They are high, inspiring, and uncommon. They lend grace, glory, and significance to the object for which we have met. Nowhere else in this great country, with its uncounted towns and cities, unlimited wealth, and immeasurable territory extending from sea to sea, could conditions be found more favorable to the success of this occasion than here. We stand today at the national center to perform something like a national act, an act which is to go into history; and we are here where every pulsation of the national heart can be heard, felt, and reciprocated. A thousand wires, fed with thought and winged with lightning, put us in instantaneous communication with the loyal and true men all over the country.

* Few facts could better illustrate the vast and wonderful change which has taken place in our condition as a people than the fact of our assembling here for the purpose we have today. Harmless, beautiful, proper, and praiseworthy as this demonstration is, I cannot forget that no such demonstration would have been tolerated here twenty years ago. The spirit of slavery and barbarism, which still lingers to blight and destroy in some dark and distant parts of our country, would have made our assembling here the signal and excuse for opening upon us all the flood-gates of wrath and violence. '''That we are here in peace today is a compliment and a credit to [[United States|American civilization]], and a prophecy of still greater national enlightenment and progress in the future. I refer to the past not in malice, for this is no day for malice, but simply to place more distinctly in front the gratifying and glorious change which has come both to our white fellow citizens and ourselves, and to congratulate all upon the contrast between now and then, the new dispensation of freedom with its thousand blessings to both races, and the old dispensation of slavery with its ten thousand evils to both races, white and black. In view, then, of the past, the present, and the future, with the long and dark history of our bondage behind us, and with liberty, progress, and enlightenment before us, I again congratulate you upon this auspicious day and hour'''.

*Friends and fellow citizens, the story of our presence here is soon and easily told. We are here in the District of Columbia, here in the city of Washington, the most luminous point of American territory; a city recently transformed and made beautiful in its body and in its spirit; we are here in the place where the ablest and best men of the country are sent to devise the policy, enact the laws, and shape the destiny of the Republic; we are here, with the stately pillars and majestic dome of the Capitol of the nation looking down upon us; we are here, with the broad earth freshly adorned with the foliage and flowers of spring for our church, and all races, colors, and conditions of men for our congregation — in a word, we are here to express, as best we may, by appropriate forms and ceremonies, our grateful sense of the vast, high, and preeminent services rendered to ourselves, to our race, to our country, and to the whole world by Abraham Lincoln.

* The sentiment that brings us here today is one of the noblest that can stir and thrill the human heart. It has crowned and made glorious the high places of all civilized nations with the grandest and most enduring works of art, designed to illustrate the characters and perpetuate the memories of great public men. It is the sentiment which from year to year adorns with fragrant and beautiful flowers the graves of our loyal, brave, and patriotic soldiers who fell in defense of [[United States|the Union]] and [[Freedom|liberty]]. It is the sentiment of gratitude and appreciation, which often, in the presence of many who hear me, has filled yonder heights of Arlington with the eloquence of eulogy and the sublime enthusiasm of poetry and song; a sentiment which can never die while [[United States|the republic]] lives.

*For the first time in the history of our people, and in the history of the whole American people, we join in this high worship, and march conspicuously in the line of this time-honored custom. First things are always interesting, and this is one of our first things. It is the first time that, in this form and manner, we have sought to do honor to an American great man, however deserving and illustrious. I commend the fact to notice; let it be told in every part of the republic; let men of all parties and opinions hear it; let those who despise us, not less than those who respect us, know that now and here, in the spirit of liberty, loyalty, and gratitude, let it be known everywhere, and by everybody who takes an interest in human progress and in the amelioration of the condition of mankind, that, in the presence and with the approval of the members of the American House of Representatives, reflecting the general sentiment of the country; that in the presence of that august body, the American Senate, representing the highest intelligence and the calmest judgment of the country; in the presence of the Supreme Court and Chief-Justice of the United States, to whose decisions we all patriotically bow; in the presence and under the steady eye of the honored and trusted President of the United States, with the members of his wise and patriotic Cabinet, we, the colored people, newly emancipated and rejoicing in our blood-bought freedom, near the close of the first century in the life of this republic, have now and here unveiled, set apart, and dedicated a monument of enduring granite and bronze, in every line, feature, and figure of which the men of this generation may read, and those of aftercoming generations may read, something of the exalted character and great works of Abraham Lincoln, the first martyr President of the United States.

*Fellow citizens, in what we have said and done today, and in what we may say and do hereafter, we disclaim everything like arrogance and assumption. We claim for ourselves no superior devotion to the character, history, and memory of the illustrious name whose monument we have here dedicated today. We fully comprehend the relation of Abraham Lincoln both to ourselves and to the white people of the United States. Truth is proper and beautiful at all times and in all places, and it is never more proper and beautiful in any case than when speaking of a great public man whose example is likely to be commended for honor and imitation long after his departure to the solemn shades, the silent continents of eternity. It must be admitted, truth compels me to admit, even here in the presence of the monument we have erected to his memory, Abraham Lincoln was not, in the fullest sense of the word, either our man or our model. In his interests, in his associations, in his habits of thought, and in his prejudices, he was a white man. He was preeminently the white man’s President, entirely devoted to the welfare of white men. He was ready and willing at any time during the first years of his administration to deny, postpone, and sacrifice the rights of humanity in the colored people to promote the welfare of the white people of this country. '''In all his education and feeling he was an American of the Americans. He came into the Presidential chair upon one principle alone, namely, opposition to the extension of slavery'''. His arguments in furtherance of this policy had their motive and main-spring in his patriotic devotion to the interests of his own race. To protect, defend, and perpetuate slavery in the states where it existed Abraham Lincoln was not less ready than any other President to draw the sword of the nation. He was ready to execute all the supposed guarantees of the United States Constitution in favor of the slave system anywhere inside the slave states. He was willing to pursue, recapture, and send back the fugitive slave to his master, and to suppress a slave rising for liberty, though his guilty master were already in arms against the government. The race to which we belong were not the special objects of his consideration. Knowing this, I concede to you, my white fellow-citizens, a pre-eminence in this worship at once full and supreme. First, midst, and last, you and yours were the objects of his deepest affection and his most earnest solicitude. You are the children of Abraham Lincoln. We are at best only his step-children; children by adoption, children by forces of circumstances and necessity. To you it especially belongs to sound his praises, to preserve and perpetuate his memory, to multiply his statues, to hang his pictures high upon your walls, and commend his example, for to you he was a great and glorious friend and benefactor. '''Instead of supplanting you at his altar, we would exhort you to build high his monuments; let them be of the most costly material, of the most cunning workmanship; let their forms be symmetrical, beautiful, and perfect, let their bases be upon solid rocks, and their summits lean against the unchanging blue, overhanging sky, and let them endure forever! But while in the abundance of your wealth, and in the fullness of your just and patriotic devotion, you do all this, we entreat you to despise not the humble offering we this day unveil to view; for while Abraham Lincoln saved for you a country, he delivered us from a bondage, according to Jefferson, one hour of which was worse than ages of the oppression your fathers rose in rebellion to oppose'''.

*Fellow citizens, ours is no new-born zeal and devotion — merely a thing of this moment. '''The name of Abraham Lincoln was near and dear to our hearts in the darkest and most perilous hours of [[United States|the republic]]. We were no more ashamed of him when shrouded in clouds of darkness, of doubt, and defeat than when we saw him crowned with victory, honor, and glory. Our faith in him was often taxed and strained to the uttermost, but it never failed'''. When he tarried long in the mountain; when he strangely told us that we were the cause of the war; when he still more strangely told us that we were to leave the land in which we were born; when he refused to employ our arms in defense of the Union; when, after accepting our services as colored soldiers, he refused to retaliate our murder and torture as colored prisoners; when he told us he would save the Union if he could with slavery; when he revoked the Proclamation of Emancipation of General Fremont; when he refused to remove the popular commander of the Army of the Potomac, in the days of its inaction and defeat, who was more zealous in his efforts to protect slavery than to suppress rebellion; when we saw all this, and more, we were at times grieved, stunned, and greatly bewildered; but our hearts believed while they ached and bled. '''Nor was this, even at that time, a blind and unreasoning superstition. Despite the mist and haze that surrounded him; despite the tumult, the hurry, and confusion of the hour, we were able to take a comprehensive view of Abraham Lincoln, and to make reasonable allowance for the circumstances of his position. We saw him, measured him, and estimated him; not by stray utterances to injudicious and tedious delegations, who often tried his patience; not by isolated facts torn from their connection; not by any partial and imperfect glimpses, caught at inopportune moments; but by a broad survey, in the light of the stern logic of great events, and in view of that divinity which shapes our ends, rough hew them how we will, we came to the conclusion that the hour and the man of our redemption had somehow met in the person of Abraham Lincoln. It mattered little to us what language he might employ on special occasions; it mattered little to us, when we fully knew him, whether he was swift or slow in his movements; it was enough for us that Abraham Lincoln was at the head of a great movement, and was in living and earnest sympathy with that movement, which, in the nature of things, must go on until slavery should be utterly and forever abolished in the United States'''.

*When, therefore, it shall be asked what we have to do with the memory of Abraham Lincoln, or what Abraham Lincoln had to do with us, the answer is ready, full, and complete. '''Though he loved Caesar less than Rome, though the Union was more to him than our freedom or our future, under his wise and beneficent rule we saw ourselves gradually lifted from the depths of slavery to the heights of liberty and manhood; under his wise and beneficent rule, and by measures approved and vigorously pressed by him, we saw that the handwriting of ages, in the form of prejudice and proscription, was rapidly fading away from the face of our whole country; under his rule, and in due time, about as soon after all as the country could tolerate the strange spectacle, we saw our brave sons and brothers laying off the rags of bondage, and being clothed all over in the blue uniforms of the soldiers of the United States; under his rule we saw two hundred thousand of our dark and dusky people responding to the call of Abraham Lincoln, and with muskets on their shoulders, and eagles on their buttons, timing their high footsteps to liberty and union under the national flag; under his rule we saw the independence of the black republic of Haiti, the special object of slave-holding aversion and horror, fully recognized, and her minister, a colored gentleman, duly received here in the city of Washington; under his rule we saw the internal slave-trade, which so long disgraced the nation, abolished, and slavery abolished in the District of Columbia; under his rule we saw for the first time the law enforced against the foreign slave trade, and the first slave-trader hanged like any other pirate or murderer'''.

*Under his rule, assisted by [[Ulysses S. Grant|the greatest captain of our age]], and his inspiration, '''we saw [[Confederate States of America|the Confederate States]], based upon the idea that [[w:African American|our race]] must be [[Slavery|slaves]], and slaves forever, battered to pieces and scattered to the four winds'''; under his rule, and in the fullness of time, we saw Abraham Lincoln, after giving the slave-holders three months' grace in which to save their hateful slave system, penning the immortal paper, which, though special in its language, was general in its principles and effect, making slavery forever impossible in the [[United States]]. '''Though we waited long, we saw all this and more.'''

*'''Can any colored man, or any white man friendly to the freedom of all men, ever forget the night which followed the first day of January 1863, when the world was to see if Abraham Lincoln would prove to be as good as his word? I shall never forget that memorable night''', when in a distant city I waited and watched at a public meeting, with three thousand others not less anxious than myself, for the word of deliverance which we have heard read today. Nor shall I ever forget the outburst of joy and thanksgiving that rent the air when the lightning brought to us the emancipation proclamation. In that happy hour we forgot all delay, and forgot all tardiness, forgot that the President had bribed the rebels to lay down their arms by a promise to withhold the bolt which would smite the slave-system with destruction; and we were thenceforward willing to allow the President all the latitude of time, phraseology, and every honorable device that statesmanship might require for the achievement of a great and beneficent measure of liberty and progress.

*Fellow citizens, there is little necessity on this occasion to speak at length and critically of this great and good man, and of his high mission in the world. That ground has been fully occupied and completely covered both here and elsewhere. The whole field of fact and fancy has been gleaned and garnered. Any man can say things that are true of Abraham Lincoln, but no man can say anything that is new of Abraham Lincoln. His personal traits and public acts are better known to the American people than are those of any other man of his age. He was a mystery to no man who saw him and heard him. Though high in position, the humblest could approach him and feel at home in his presence. Though deep, he was transparent; though strong, he was gentle; though decided and pronounced in his convictions, he was tolerant towards those who differed from him, and patient under reproaches. Even those who only knew him through his public utterance obtained a tolerably clear idea of his character and personality. The image of the man went out with his words, and those who read them knew him.

*I have said that President Lincoln was a white man, and shared the prejudices common to his countrymen towards the colored race. Looking back to his times and to the condition of his country, we are compelled to admit that '''this unfriendly feeling on his part may be safely set down as one element of his wonderful success in organizing the loyal American people for the tremendous conflict before them, and bringing them safely through that conflict. His great mission was to accomplish two things. First, to save his country from dismemberment and ruin; and, second, to free his country from the great crime of slavery. To do one or the other, or both, he must have the earnest sympathy and the powerful cooperation of his loyal fellow-countrymen. Without this primary and essential condition to success his efforts must have been vain and utterly fruitless. Had he put the abolition of slavery before the salvation of the Union, he would have inevitably driven from him a powerful class of the American people and rendered resistance to rebellion impossible. Viewed from the genuine abolition ground, Mister Lincoln seemed tardy, cold, dull, and indifferent; but measuring him by the sentiment of his country, a sentiment he was bound as a statesman to consult, he was swift, zealous, radical, and determined'''. Though Mister Lincoln shared the prejudices of his white fellow-countrymen against the Negro, '''it is hardly necessary to say that in his heart of hearts he loathed and hated slavery'''. The man who could say, 'Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war shall soon pass away, yet if God wills it continue till all the wealth piled by two hundred years of bondage shall have been wasted, and each drop of blood drawn by the lash shall have been paid for by one drawn by the sword, the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether', gives all needed proof of his feeling on the subject of slavery. He was willing, while the south was loyal, that it should have its pound of flesh, because he thought that it was so nominated in the bond; but farther than this no earthly power could make him go.
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20150302203311/http://www.lib.rochester.edu/index.cfm?PAGE=4071#_ftnref57 About Abraham Lincoln].

*Fellow citizens, whatever else in this world may be partial, unjust, and uncertain, time, time! is impartial, just, and certain in its action. In the realm of mind, as well as in the realm of matter, it is a great worker, and often works wonders. The honest and comprehensive statesman, clearly discerning the needs of his country, and earnestly endeavoring to do his whole duty, though covered and blistered with reproaches, may safely leave his course to the silent judgment of time. '''Few great public men have ever been the victims of fiercer denunciation than Abraham Lincoln was during his administration. He was often wounded in the house of his friends. Reproaches came thick and fast upon him from within and from without, and from opposite quarters. He was assailed by Abolitionists; he was assailed by slave-holders; he was assailed by the men who were for peace at any price; he was assailed by those who were for a more vigorous prosecution of the war; he was assailed for not making the war an abolition war; and he was bitterly assailed for making the war an abolition war'''. But now behold the change. The judgment of the present hour is, that taking him for all in all, measuring the tremendous magnitude of the work before him, considering the necessary means to ends, and surveying the end from the beginning, infinite wisdom has seldom sent any man into the world better fitted for his mission than Abraham Lincoln. His birth, his training, and his natural endowments, both mental and physical, were strongly in his favor. Born and reared among the lowly, a stranger to wealth and luxury, compelled to grapple single-handed with the flintiest hardships of life, from tender youth to sturdy manhood, he grew strong in the manly and heroic qualities demanded by the great mission to which he was called by the votes of his countrymen. The hard condition of his early life, which would have depressed and broken down weaker men, only gave greater life, vigor, and buoyancy to the heroic spirit of Abraham Lincoln. He was ready for any kind and any quality of work. What other young men dreaded in the shape of toil, he took hold of with the utmost cheerfulness.

* 'A spade, a rake, a hoe. A pick-axe, or a bill. A hook to reap, a scythe to mow. A flail, or what you will'. All day long he could split heavy rails in the woods, and half the night long he could study his English grammar by the uncertain flare and glare of the light made by a pine-knot. He was at home in the land with his axe, with his maul, with gluts, and his wedges, and he was equally at home on water, with his oars, with his poles, with his planks, and with his boat-hooks. And whether in his flat-boat on the Mississippi River, or at the fireside of his frontier cabin, he was a man of work. A son of toil himself, he was linked in brotherly sympathy with the sons of toil in every loyal part of the republic. This very fact gave him tremendous power with the American people, and materially contributed not only to selecting him to the presidency, but in sustaining his administration of the government. '''Upon his inauguration as president of the [[United States]], an office, even when assumed under the most favorable condition, fitted to tax and strain the largest abilities, Abraham Lincoln was met by a tremendous crisis. He was called upon not merely to administer the government, but to decide, in the face of terrible odds, the fate of the republic. A formidable rebellion rose in his path before him. [[United States|The Union]] was already practically dissolved; his country was torn and rent asunder at the center. Hostile armies were already organized against [[United States|the republic]], armed with the munitions of war which [[United States|the republic]] had provided for its own defense. The tremendous question for him to decide was whether his country should survive the crisis and flourish, or be dismembered and perish'''. His predecessor in office had already decided the question in favor of national dismemberment, by denying to it the right of self-defense and self-preservation, a right which belongs to the meanest insect.

* Happily for the country, happily for you and for me, the judgment of James Buchanan, the patrician, was not the judgment of Abraham Lincoln, the plebeian. He brought his strong common sense, sharpened in the school of adversity, to bear upon the question. He did not hesitate, he did not doubt, he did not falter; but at once resolved that at whatever peril, at whatever cost, the union of the States should be preserved. A patriot himself, his faith was strong and unwavering in the patriotism of his countrymen. Timid men said before Mister Lincoln’s inauguration, that we have seen the last president of the [[United States]]. A voice in influential quarters said, 'Let the Union slide'. Some said that a Union maintained by the sword was worthless. Others said a rebellion of eight million cannot be suppressed; but in the midst of all this tumult and timidity, and '''against all this, Abraham Lincoln was clear in his duty, and had an oath in heaven. He calmly and bravely heard the voice of doubt and fear all around him; but he had an oath in heaven, and there was not power enough on earth to make this honest boatman, backwoodsman, and broad-handed splitter of rails evade or violate that sacred oath. He had not been schooled in the ethics of slavery; his plain life had favored his love of truth. He had not been taught that treason and perjury were the proof of honor and honesty. His moral training was against his saying one thing when he meant another. The trust that Abraham Lincoln had in himself and in the people was surprising and grand, but it was also enlightened and well founded'''. He knew the American people better than they knew themselves, and his truth was based upon this knowledge.

*Fellow citizens, the fourteenth day of April 1865, of which this is the eleventh anniversary, is now and will ever remain a memorable day in the annals of this republic. It was on the evening of this day, while a fierce and sanguinary rebellion was in the last stages of its desolating power; while its armies were broken and scattered before the invincible armies of Grant and Sherman; while a great nation, torn and rent by war, was already beginning to raise to the skies loud anthems of joy at the dawn of peace, it was startled, amazed, and overwhelmed by the crowning crime of slavery, '''the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. It was a new crime, a pure act of malice. No purpose of the rebellion was to be served by it. It was the simple gratification of a hell-black spirit of revenge. But it has done good after all. It has filled the country with a deeper abhorrence of slavery and a deeper love for the great liberator'''.

*Had Abraham Lincoln died from any of the numerous ills to which flesh is heir; had he reached that good old age of which his vigorous constitution and his temperate habits gave promise; had he been permitted to see the end of his great work; had the solemn curtain of death come down but gradually, we should still have been smitten with a heavy grief, and treasured his name lovingly. But dying as he did die, by the red hand of violence, killed, assassinated, taken off without warning, not because of personal hate, for '''no man who knew Abraham Lincoln could hate him, but because of his fidelity to [[United States|union]] and liberty, he is doubly dear to us, and his memory will be precious forever'''. Fellow citizens, I end, as I began, with congratulations. We have done a good work for our race today. In doing honor to the memory of our friend and liberator, we have been doing highest honors to ourselves and those who come after us. We have been fastening ourselves to a name and fame imperishable and immortal; we have also been defending ourselves from a blighting scandal. When now it shall be said that the colored man is soulless, that he has no appreciation of benefits or benefactors; when the foul reproach of ingratitude is hurled at us, and it is attempted to scourge us beyond the range of human brotherhood, we may calmly point to the monument we have this day erected to the memory of Abraham Lincoln.

===1880s===
* '''The [[life]] of the [[nation]] is secure only while the nation is [[honest]], truthful, and [[virtuous]].'''
** Speech on the twenty-third anniversary of Emancipation in the District of Columbia, Washington, D.C. (April 1885).

* The great fact underlying the claim for universal suffrage is that every man is himself and belongs to himself, and represents his own individuality, not only in form and features, but in thought and feeling. And the same is true of woman. She is herself, and can be nobody else than herself. Her selfhood is as perfect and as absolute as is the selfhood of man.
** Speech at the New England Woman Suffrage Association (May 24, 1886) Nicholas Buccola, edit., ''The Essential Douglass: Selected Writings &amp; Speeches'', Hackett Publishing Company, 2016, p. 307. Sometimes referred to as his “Who and What is Woman?” speech

*Our faith in him was often taxed and strained to the uttermost, but it never failed…we were at times stunned, grieved, and greatly bewildered; but our hearts believed while they ached and bled.
**About Abraham Lincoln, [https://www.lib.rochester.edu/index.cfm?PAGE=4071 speech on the 21st anniversary of Lincoln's assassination] (1886).

*If I have done anything for the colored people, it is in a great measure due to my having had the good-fortune, when I escaped from slavery, to become acquainted with William Lloyd Garrison, and with Wendell Phillips, and with our friend Oliver Johnson, and with Dr. Bowditch. The home of Dr. Bowditch, I may say, gave me the first shelter I received in this city. I have often been asked where I got my education. I have answered, from the Massachusetts Abolition University, Mr. Garrison, president... I meet with colored men on all sides smoking and sometimes drinking. That is not the way to rise in the world. For my own part, I neither smoke, nor chew tobacco nor take snuff, nor drink whiskey; and I should be delighted if I could make the same statement with regard to my whole people.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech at the Wendell Phillips Club] (11 September 1886).

*It is not true that the Republican party has not endeavored to protect the negro in his right to vote. The whole moral power of the party has been, from first to last, on the side of justice to the negro; and it has only been baffled, in its efforts to protect the negro in his vote, by the Democratic party.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech] (June 1888).

*Suppose it be granted that Mr. Cleveland is a just man, and desires to protect colored citizens in the exercise of their constitutional rights. What is he, and what is any man in the Presidential chair, without the support of his party? As against his party, he is only as a feather against a whirlwind. In the hands of his party, Mr. Cleveland is as clay in the hands of the potter.
**[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech] (1888).

====The Lesson of Emancipation to the New York Generation (1880)====
*Each colored voter of the state should say in scripture phrase, 'may my hand forget its cunning and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth' if ever I raise my voice or give my vote to the nominee of the Democratic Party.
** &quot;The Lesson of Emancipation to the New York Generation: An Address Delivered in Elmira, New York&quot; (3 August 1880), as quoted in [http://tfdf.org/blog/2012/05/15/why-i-am-a-republican-by-dr-james-taylor/ ''The Frederick Douglass Papers''], Volume 4, p. 581. Douglass is referring to Psalm 137:5-6.

====Plea for Free Speech in Boston (1880)====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://web.archive.org/web/20180817211110/http://www.speeches-usa.com/Transcripts/fredrick_douglas-boston.html Plea for Free Speech in Boston] (8 June 1880)&lt;/small&gt;
*The world knows that last Monday a meeting assembled to discuss the question: &quot;How Shall Slavery Be Abolished?&quot; The world also knows that that meeting was invaded, insulted, captured by a mob of gentlemen, and thereafter broken up and dispersed by the order of the mayor, who refused to protect it, though called upon to do so. If this had been a mere outbreak of passion and prejudice among the baser sort, maddened by rum and hounded on by some wily politician to serve some immediate purpose, - a mere exceptional affair, - it might be allowed to rest with what has already been said. But the leaders of the mob were gentlemen. They were men who pride themselves upon their respect for law and order. These gentlemen brought their respect for the law with them and proclaimed it loudly while in the very act of breaking the law. Theirs was the law of slavery. The law of free speech and the law for the protection of public meetings they trampled under foot, while they greatly magnified the law of slavery. The scene was an instructive one. Men seldom see such a blending of the gentleman with the rowdy, as was shown on that occasion. It proved that human nature is very much the same, whether in tarpaulin or broadcloth. Nevertheless, when gentlemen approach us in the character of lawless and abandoned loafers, - assuming for the moment their manners and tempers, - they have themselves to blame if they are estimated below their quality.

*No right was deemed by the fathers of the Government more sacred than the right of speech. It was in their eyes, as in the eyes of all thoughtful men, the great moral renovator of society and government. Daniel Webster called it a homebred right, a fireside privilege. Liberty is meaningless where the right to utter one's thoughts and opinions has ceased to exist. That, of all rights, is the dread of tyrants. It is the right which they first of all strike down. They know its power. Thrones, dominions, principalities, and powers, founded in injustice and wrong, are sure to tremble, if men are allowed to reason of righteousness, temperance, and of a judgment to come in their presence. Slavery cannot tolerate [[free speech]]. Five years of its exercise would banish the auction block and break every chain in the South. They will have none of it there, for they have the power. But shall it be so here?

*Why, what is the matter with us? Are we going to palliate and excuse a palpable and flagrant outrage on the right of speech, by implying that only a particular description of persons should exercise that right? Are we, at such a time, when a great principle has been struck down, to quench the moral indignation which the deed excites, by casting reflections upon those on whose persons the outrage has been committed? After all the arguments for liberty to which Boston has listened for more than a quarter of a century, has she yet to learn that the time to assert a right is the time when the right itself is called in question, and that the men of all others to assert it are the men to whom the right has been denied?

*It would be no vindication of the right of speech to prove that certain gentlemen of great distinction, eminent for their learning and ability, are allowed to freely express their opinions on all subjects - including the subject of slavery. Such a vindication would need, itself, to be vindicated. It would add insult to injury. Not even an old-fashioned abolition meeting could vindicate that right in Boston just now. There can be no right of speech where any man, however lifted up, or however humble, however young, or however old, is overawed by force, and compelled to suppress his honest sentiments.

*Equally clear is the right to hear. To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker. It is just as criminal to rob a man of his right to speak and hear as it would be to rob him of his money.

*[T]here must be no concessions to the enemy. When a man is allowed to speak because he is rich and powerful, it aggravates the crime of denying the right to the poor and humble.

*The principle must rest upon its own proper basis.

*A man's right to speak does not depend upon where he was born or upon his color. The simple quality of manhood is the solid basis of the right - and there let it rest forever.

====Meeting of Colored Citizens (1880)====
* [[James A. Garfield]] must be our president. I know. Colored man, he is right on our questions, take my word for it. He is a typical American all over. He has shown us how man in the humblest circumstances can grapple with man, rise, and win. He has come from obscurity to fame, and we'll make him more famous. Has burst up through the incrustations that surround the poor, and has shown us how it is possible for an American to rise. He has built the road over which he traveled. He has buffeted the billows of adversity, and tonight, he swims in safety where Hancock, in despair, is going down.
**[http://books.google.com/books?id=Gss_INMTZQIC&amp;pg=PA71&amp;lpg=PA71&amp;dq=%22He+has+buffeted+the+billows+of+adversity%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=AX-fsYd95E&amp;sig=3j4dWH-cdeiSlKtJcFPmSAgLm4c&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=CgvWU8GHGrO-sQTv0YH4BA&amp;ved=0CB8Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&amp;q=%22He%20has%20buffeted%20the%20billows%20of%20adversity%22&amp;f=false ''Meeting of Colored Citizens''] (25 October 1880), Cooper Institute, New York.

====Address at the Anniversary of Storer College (1881)====
* His zeal in the cause of my race was far greater than mine - it was as the burning sun to my taper light - mine was bounded by time, his stretched away to the boundless shores of eternity. I could live for the slave, but he could die for him.
**Regarding [[John Brown]], [http://www.wvculture.org/history/jbexhibit/bbspr05-0032.html address at the 14th anniversary of Storer College] (30 May 1881)

====''Life and Times of Frederick Douglass'' (1881)====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://archive.org/stream/lifetimesoffrede1881doug/lifetimesoffrede1881doug_djvu.txt ''Life and Times of Frederick Douglass''] (1881).&lt;/small&gt;
*When I was about thirteen years old, and had succeeded in learning to read, '''every increase of knowledge, especially anything respecting the free states, was an additional weight to the almost intolerable burden of my thought, 'I am a slave for life'. To my bondage I could see no end. It was a terrible reality''', and I shall never be able to tell how sadly that thought chafed my young spirit.
**pp. 102&amp;ndash;103.

*I was not more than thirteen years old, when in my loneliness and destitution I longed for some one to whom I could go, as to a father and protector. The preaching of a white Methodist minister, named Hanson, was the means of causing me to feel that in God I had such a friend. He thought that all men, great and small, bond and free, were sinners in the sight of God: that they were by nature rebels against His government; and that they must repent of their sins, and be reconciled to God through Christ. I cannot say that I had a very distinct notion of what was required of me, but one thing I did know well: I was wretched and had no means of making myself otherwise. I consulted a good old colored man named Charles Lawson, and in tones of holy affection he told me to pray, and to 'cast all my care upon God'. This I sought to do; and though for weeks I was a poor, broken-hearted mourner, traveling through doubts and fears, I finally found my burden lightened, and my heart relieved. I loved all mankind, slaveholders not excepted, though I abhorred slavery more than ever. I saw the world in a new light, and my great concern was to have everybody converted. My desire to learn increased, and especially, did I want a thorough acquaintance with the contents of the Bible
**pp. 110&amp;ndash;111.

* I had been living four or five months in New Bedford when there came a young man to me with a copy of [[w:The Liberator (anti-slavery newspaper)|the ''Liberator'']], the paper edited by [[William Lloyd Garrison]] and published by [[w:Isaac Knapp|Isaac Knapp]], and asked me to subscribe for it. I told him I had but just escaped from [[slavery]], and was of course very poor, and had no [[money]] then to pay for it. He was very willing to take me as a subscriber, notwithstanding, and from this time '''I was brought into contact with the [[mind]] of [[William Lloyd Garrison|Mr. Garrison]], and his paper took a place in my [[heart]] second only to [[the Bible]].''' It detested slavery, and made no truce with the traffickers in the bodies and souls of men. It preached human [[brotherhood]]; it exposed [[hypocrisy]] and wickedness in high places; it denounced [[oppression]]; and with all the solemnity of &quot;Thus saith the Lord,&quot; demanded the complete emancipation of my race. '''I [[loved]] this paper and its editor. He seemed to me an all-sufficient match to every opponent, whether they spoke in the [[name]] of the [[law]] or the gospel. His [[words]] were full of [[holy]] [[fire]], and straight to the point. Something of a [[hero]]-worshiper by [[nature]], here was one to excite my [[admiration]] and [[reverence]].''' It was my privilege to listen to a lecture in Liberty Hall by Mr. Garrison, its editor. He was then a young man, of a singularly pleasing countenance, and earnest and impressive manner. On this occasion he announced nearly all his heresies. His Bible was his textbook — held sacred as the very word of the Eternal Father. He believed in sinless perfection, complete submission to insults and injuries, and literal obedience to the injunction if smitten &quot;on one cheek to turn the other also.&quot; '''Not only was Sunday a Sabbath, but all days were Sabbaths, and to be kept holy.''' All [[sectarianism]] was false and mischievous — the regenerated throughout the world being members of one body, and the head [[Christ]] [[Jesus]]. [[Prejudice]] against color was rebellion against [[God]]. Of all men beneath the sky, the slaves, because most neglected and despised, were nearest and dearest to his great heart. Those ministers who defended slavery from the Bible were of their &quot;father the devil&quot;; and those churches which fellowshiped slaveholders as Christians, were synagogues of [[Satan]], and our nation was a nation of liars. '''He was never loud and noisy, but calm and serene as a summer sky, and as pure.''' &quot;You are the man — the [[Moses]], raised up by God, to deliver his modern Israel from bondage,&quot; was the spontaneous feeling of my heart, as I sat away back in the hall and listened to his mighty words, — mighty in truth, — mighty in their simple earnestness.
**pp. 263&amp;ndash;264.

* On this inauguration day, while waiting for the opening of the ceremonies, I made a discovery in regard to the vice president — Andrew Johnson. There are moments in the lives of most men, when the doors of their souls are open, and unconsciously to themselves, their true characters may be read by the observant eye. It was at such an instant I caught a glimpse of the real nature of this man, which all subsequent developments proved true. '''I was standing in the crowd by the side of Mrs. Thomas J. Dorsey, when Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] touched Mr. [[Andrew Johnson|Johnson]], and pointed me out to him. The first expression which came to his face, and which I think was the true index of his heart, was one of bitter contempt and aversion. Seeing that I observed [[Andrew Johnson|him]], he tried to assume a more friendly appearance; but it was too late; it was useless to close the door when all within had been seen. His first glance was the frown of the man, the second was the bland and sickly smile of the demagogue. I turned to Mrs. Dorsey and said, 'Whatever [[Andrew Johnson]] may be, he certainly is no friend of our race'.'''
**p. 355.

*The south was not far behind the north in recognizing [[Abraham Lincoln]] as the natural leader of the rising political sentiment of the country against [[slavery]], and it was equally quick in its efforts to counteract and destroy his influence. Its papers teemed with the bitterest invectives against the 'backwoodsman of Illinois', the 'flat-boatman', the 'rail-splitter', the 'third-rate lawyer', '''and much else and worse'''. 
**p. 364.

*My interviews with [[Abraham Lincoln|President Lincoln]] and his able Secretary, before narrated, greatly increased my confidence in the anti-slavery integrity of the government, although I confess I was greatly disappointed at my failure to receive the commission promised me by Secretary Stanton. I, however, faithfully believed, and loudly proclaimed my belief, that the rebellion would be suppressed, the Union preserved, the slaves emancipated, and the colored soldiers would in the end have justice done them. This confidence was immeasurably strengthened when I saw Gen. George B. McClellan relieved from the command of the army of the Potomac and Gen. U.S. Grant placed at its head, and in command of all the armies of the United States. '''My confidence in Gen. Grant was not entirely due to the brilliant military successes achieved by him, but there was a moral as well as military basis for my faith in him. He had shown his single-mindedness and superiority to popular prejudice by his prompt cooperation with President Lincoln in his policy of employing colored troops, and his order commanding his soldiers to treat such troops with due respect. In this way he proved himself to be not only a wise general, but a great man, one who could adjust himself to new conditions, and adopt the lessons taught by the events of the hour'''. This quality in General Grant was and is made all the more conspicuous and striking in contrast with his West Point education and his former political associations; for '''neither West Point nor the Democratic party have been good schools in which to learn justice and fair play to the negro'''.
**pp. 433&amp;ndash;434.

*It was when [[Ulysses S. Grant|General Grant]] was fighting his way through the Wilderness to Richmond, on the 'line' he meant to pursue 'if it took all summer', and every reverse to his arms was made the occasion for a fresh demand for peace without emancipation, that [[Abraham Lincoln|President Lincoln]] did me the honor to invite me to the Executive Mansion for a conference on the situation. I need not say I went most gladly. The main subject on which he wished to confer with me was as to the means most desirable to be employed outside the army to induce the slaves in the rebel States to come within the Federal lines. The increasing opposition to the war, in the North, and the mad cry against it, because it was being made an abolition war, alarmed [[Abraham Lincoln|Mr. Lincoln]], and made him apprehensive that a peace might be forced upon him which would leave still in slavery all who had not come within our lines.
**p. 434.

*What [[Abraham Lincoln|he]] wanted was to make his proclamation as effective as possible in the event of such a peace. He said, in a regretful tone, 'The slaves are not coming so rapidly and so numerously to us as I had hoped'. I replied that the slaveholders knew how to keep such things from their slaves, and probably very few knew of his proclamation. 'Well', he said, 'I want you to set about devising some means of making them acquainted with it, and for bringing them into our lines'. He spoke with great earnestness and much solicitude, and seemed troubled by the attitude of [[Horace Greeley|Mr. Greeley]], and the growing impatience there was being manifested through the North at the war. He said he was being accused of protracting the war beyond its legitimate object, and of failing to make peace when he might have done so to advantage. He was afraid of what might come of all these complaints, but was persuaded that no solid and lasting peace could come short of absolute submission on the part of the rebels, and he was not for giving them rest by futile conferences at Niagara Falls, or elsewhere, with unauthorized persons. He saw the danger of premature peace, and, like a thoughtful and sagacious man as he was, he wished to provide means of rendering such consummation as harmless as possible. I was the more impressed by this benevolent consideration because he before said, in answer to the peace clamor, that his object was to save the Union, and to do so with or without slavery. What he said on this day showed a deeper moral conviction against slavery than I had ever seen before in anything spoken or written by him. I listened with the deepest interest and profoundest satisfaction, and, at his suggestion, agreed to undertake the organizing a band of scouts, composed of colored men, whose business should be somewhat after the original plan of [[John Brown]], to go into the rebel States, beyond the lines of our armies, and carry the news of emancipation, and urge the slaves to come within our boundaries. 
**pp. 434&amp;ndash;435.
====Speech on the Anniversary of Emancipation (1883)====
* Despite of it all, the Negro remains … cool, strong, imperturbable, and cheerful.
** Speech on the twenty-first anniversary of Emancipation in the District of Columbia, Washington, D.C. (April 1883).
====Speech at the Convention of Colored Men (1883)====
* In all the relations of life and death, we are met by the color line.
** Speech at the Convention of Colored Men, Louisville, Kentucky (24 September 1883).
====Speech at the Civil Rights Mass Meeting (1883)====
* Social equality does not necessarily follow from civil equality, and yet for the purpose of a hell black and damning prejudice, our papers still insist that the Civil Rights Bill is a Bill to establish social equality. If it is a Bill for social equality, so is the Declaration of Independence, which declares that all men have equal rights; so is the [[w:Sermon on the Mount|Sermon on the Mount]], so is the [[w:Golden Rule|Golden Rule]], that commands us to do to others as we would that others should do to us; so is the Apostolic teaching, that of one blood [[God]] has made all nations to dwell on all the face of the earth; so is the [[United States Constitution|Constitution of the United States]], and so are the laws and customs of every civilized country in the world; for '''nowhere, outside of the [[United States]] is any man denied civil rights on account of his color'''.
** Speech at the Civil Rights Mass-Meeting Held at Lincoln Hall (22 October 1883), as quoted in ''[https://archive.org/stream/lifetimesoffrede1881doug/lifetimesoffrede1881doug_djvu.txt The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass]'' (1881).

* '''No man can put a chain about the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck.'''
** Speech at Civil Rights Mass Meeting, Washington, D.C. (22 October 1883).
====Speech on the Anniversary of Emancipation (1886)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech on the twenty-fourth anniversary of Emancipation] in the District of Columbia, Washington, D.C. (16 April 1886).&lt;/small&gt;
*I admit the charge, but deny that nature, race, or color has anything to do with the fact. Any other race, with the same antecedents and the same conditions, would show a similar thieving propensity. The American people have this lesson to learn, that where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob, and degrade them, neither persons nor property would be safe... While I hold now, as I held years ago, that the South is the natural home of the colored race, and that there must the destiny of that race be mainly worked out, I still believe that means can be and ought to be adopted, to assist in the emigration of such of their number as may wish to change their residence to parts of the country, where their civil and political rights are better protected than at present they can be at the South... The Republican party is not perfect; it is cautious even to the point of timidity; but it is the best friend we have.
====The Future of the Colored Race (1886)====
[[File:Birkenau gate.JPG|thumb|Sometimes I have feared that, in some wild paroxysm of rage, the white race, forgetful of the claims of humanity and the precepts of the Christian religion, will proceed to slaughter.]]
[[File:NSRW Frederick Douglass.jpg|thumb|I am not a propagandist, but a prophet. I do not say that what I say should come to pass, but what I think is likely to come to pass, and what is inevitable. While I would not be understood as advocating the desirability of such a result, I would not be understood as deprecating it.]]
[[File:US miscegenation.svg|thumb|If this blending of the two races were impossible we should not have at least one-fourth of our colored population composed of persons of mixed blood, ranging all the way from a dark-brown color to the point where there is no visible admixture. Besides, it is obvious to common sense that there is no need of the passage of laws, or the adoption of other devices, to prevent what is in itself impossible.]]
[[File:Naturalization ceremony at Kennedy Space Center.jpg|thumb|Races and varieties of the human family appear and disappear, but humanity remains and will remain forever.]]
[[File:President Obama filling out his 2010 census form - West Wing Week episode 1 - Future Planes of the Future.png|thumb|Men of mixed blood in this country apply the name “negro” to themselves, not because it is a correct ethnological description, but to seem especially devoted to the black side of their parentage.]]
:&lt;small&gt;Full text of [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-future-of-the-colored-race/ &quot;The Future of the Colored Race&quot;] (May 1886)&lt;/small&gt;
*It is quite impossible, at this early date, to say with any decided emphasis what the future of the colored people will be. Speculations of that kind, thus far, have only reflected the mental bias and education of the many who have essayed to solve the problem.

*We all know what the negro has been as a slave. In this relation we have his experience of two hundred and fifty years before us, and can easily know the character and qualities he has developed and exhibited during this long and severe ordeal. In his new relation to his environments, we see him only in the twilight of twenty years of semi-freedom; for he has scarcely been free long enough to outgrow the marks of the lash on his back and the fetters on his limbs. He stands before us, today, physically, a maimed and mutilated man. His mother was lashed to agony before the birth of her babe, and the bitter anguish of the mother is seen in the countenance of her offspring. Slavery has twisted his limbs, shattered his feet, deformed his body and distorted his features. He remains black, but no longer comely. Sleeping on the dirt floor of the slave cabin in infancy, cold on one side and warm on the other, a forced circulation of blood on the one side and chilled and retarded circulation on the other, it has come to pass that he has not the vertical bearing of a perfect man. His lack of symmetry, caused by no fault of his own, creates a resistance to his progress which cannot well be overestimated, and should be taken into account, when measuring his speed in the new race of life upon which he has now entered.

*As I have often said before, we should not measure the negro from the heights which the white race has attained, but from the depths from which he has come. You will not find Burke, Grattan, Curran and O’Connell among the oppressed and famished poor of the famine-stricken districts of Ireland. Such men come of comfortable antecedents and sound parents.

*Laying aside all prejudice in favor of or against race, looking at the negro as politically and socially related to the American people generally, and measuring the forces arrayed against him, I do not see how he can survive and flourish in this country as a distinct and separate race, nor do I see how he can be removed from the country either by annihilation or expatriation.

*Sometimes I have feared that, in some wild paroxysm of rage, the white race, forgetful of the claims of humanity and the precepts of the Christian religion, will proceed to [[Genocide|slaughter the negro in wholesale]], as some of that race have attempted to slaughter Chinamen, and as it has been done in detail in some districts of the Southern States. The grounds of this fear, however, have in some measure decreased, since the negro has largely disappeared from the arena of Southern politics, and has betaken himself to industrial pursuits and the acquisition of wealth and education, though even here, if over-prosperous, he is likely to excite a dangerous antagonism; for the white people do not easily tolerate the presence among them of a race more prosperous than themselves. The negro as a poor ignorant creature does not contradict the race pride of the white race. He is more a source of amusement to that race than an object of resentment. Malignant resistance is augmented as he approaches the plane occupied by the white race, and yet I think that that resistance will gradually yield to the pressure of wealth, education, and high character.

*My strongest conviction as to the future of the negro therefore is, that he will not be expatriated nor annihilated, nor will he forever remain a separate and distinct race from the people around him, but that he will be absorbed, assimilated, and will only appear finally, as the Phoenicians now appear on the shores of the Shannon, in the features of a blended race. I cannot give at length my reasons for this conclusion, and perhaps the reader may think that the wish is father to the thought, and may in his wrath denounce my conclusion as utterly impossible. To such I would say, tarry a little, and look at the facts. 

*Two hundred years ago there were two distinct and separate streams of human life running through this country. They stood at opposite extremes of ethnological classification: all black on the one side, all white on the other. Now, between these two extremes, an intermediate race has arisen, which is neither white nor black, neither Caucasian nor Ethiopian, and this intermediate race is constantly increasing. I know it is said that marital alliance between these races is unnatural, abhorrent and impossible; but exclamations of this kind only shake the air. They prove nothing against a stubborn fact like that which confronts us daily and which is open to the observation of all. If this blending of the two races were impossible we should not have at least one-fourth of our colored population composed of persons of mixed blood, ranging all the way from a dark-brown color to the point where there is no visible admixture. Besides, it is obvious to common sense that there is no need of the passage of laws, or the adoption of other devices, to prevent what is in itself impossible.

*Of course this result will not be reached by any hurried or forced processes. It will not arise out of any theory of the wisdom of such blending of the two races. If it comes at all, it will come without shock or noise or violence of any kind, and only in the fullness of time, and it will be so adjusted to surrounding conditions as hardly to be observed. I would not be understood as advocating intermarriage between the two races. '''I am not a propagandist, but a prophet. I do not say that what I say should come to pass, but what I think is likely to come to pass, and what is inevitable. While I would not be understood as advocating the desirability of such a result, I would not be understood as deprecating it'''.

*[[Race]]s and varieties of the human family appear and disappear, but humanity remains and will remain forever. The American people will one day be truer to this idea than now, and will say with Scotia’s inspired son, &quot;A man's a man for a’ that.&quot; '''When that day shall come, they will not pervert and sin against the verity of language as they now do by calling a man of mixed blood, a negro; they will tell the truth'''. 

*'''It is only prejudice against the negro which calls every one, however nearly connected with the white race, and however remotely connected with the negro race, a negro'''. The motive is not a desire to elevate the negro, but to humiliate and degrade those of mixed blood; not a desire to bring the negro up, but to cast the mulatto and the quadroon down by forcing him below an arbitrary and hated color line. 

*Men of mixed blood in this country apply the name 'negro' to themselves, not because it is a correct ethnological description, but to seem especially devoted to the black side of their parentage. Hence in some cases they are more noisily opposed to the conclusion to which I have come, than either the white or the honestly black race. The opposition to amalgamation, of which we hear so much on the part of colored people, is for most part the merest affectation, and, will never form an impassable barrier to the union of the two varieties.

====Speech to the International Council of Women (1888)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=494 Speech to the International Council of Women] (31 March 1888).&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Mural, Falls Road, Belfast (2) - geograph.org.uk - 802504.jpg|thumb|Whatever the [[future]] may have in store for us, one thing is certain... Human [[thought]] will never go backward. When a [[great]] [[truth]] once gets abroad in the [[world]], no [[power]] on [[earth]] can imprison it, or prescribe its limits, or suppress it. It is bound to go on till it becomes the [[thought]] of the world... Now that it has got fairly fixed in the minds of the few, it is bound to become fixed in the minds of the many, and be supported at last by a great cloud of witnesses, which no man can number and no power can withstand.]]

* '''Whatever the [[future]] may have in store for us, one thing is certain; this new [[revolution]] in human [[thought]] will never go backward. When a [[great]] [[truth]] once gets abroad in the [[world]], no [[power]] on [[earth]] can imprison it, or prescribe its limits, or suppress it. It is bound to go on till it becomes the [[thought]] of the world.''' Such a truth is woman’s right to equal liberty with man. She was born with it. It was hers before she comprehended it. It is inscribed upon all the powers and faculties of her soul, and no custom, law, or usage can ever destroy it. Now that it has got fairly fixed in the minds of the few, it is bound to become fixed in the minds of the many, and be supported at last by a great cloud of witnesses, which no man can number and no power can withstand.

====Letter to the Men of Petersburg (1888)====
:&lt;small&gt; Letter to men from Petersburg, Virginia, (15 August 1888). As quoted in the Douglass papers, Library of Congress.&lt;/small&gt;
* I recognize the Republican party as the sheet anchor of the colored man's political hopes and the ark of his safety.
** The Petersburg men had written Douglass seeking advice about supporting John M. Langston as their Republican candidate for Congress. He would be their first black representative, but earlier he had worked against the Republican party. Douglass called him a trickster and said not to support anyone &quot;whose mad ambition would imperil the success of the Republican party.&quot;
====Letter to Bowditch (1889)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem Letter to Bowditch] (4 July 1889).&lt;/small&gt;
*With many misgivings, I accepted the mission to Hayti. I distrusted my qualifications for the office; but coming to me as it did, unasked, unsought, and unexpected, and with the earnest wish of the President that I would accept it in the interest of the peace, welfare, and prosperity of Hayti, I felt I could not decline it. I shall leave a comfortable house and a healthy climate, and shall probably have to occupy trying positions; but I go forth hopefully... Hayti is but a child in national life, and though she may often stumble and fall, I predict that she will yet grow strong and bright.

===1890s===
====Speech at the Abolitionist Reunion in Boston (1890)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech at the Abolitionist Reunion in Boston] (22 September 1890).&lt;/small&gt;

*A word about Hayti. We are not to judge her by the height which the Anglo-Saxon has reached. We are to judge by the depths from which she has come. We are to look at the relation she sustained to the outside world, and the outside world sustained to her. One hundred years ago every civilized nation was slave-holding. Yet these negroes, ignorant, downtrodden, had the manhood to arise and drive off their masters and assert their liberty. Her government is not so unsteady as we think.

*The Abolitionists were right in their attitude to the Church. Slavery and the Church were side by side: the Church was at peace with slavery: men were sold to build churches, women sold to pay missionaries, and children sold to buy Bibles. We did right to oppose it.
====Speech at Tremont Temple (1890)====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/the-nations-problem/ Speech at Tremont Temple] (September 1890).&lt;/small&gt;
*There is no race problem before the country, but only a political one, the question whether a Republican has any right to exist south of Mason and Dixon's line.

*The good Lord had had a chance for a long time before the abolition. I believe that there is a moral government; and that God reigns. I am no pessimist; I give thanks to the good Lord, and also to the good men through whom He has worked. Prominent among them was [[William Lloyd Garrison|Garrison]], and scarcely less so was [[Wendell Phillips|Phillips]]. It was they and their associates who made [[Abraham Lincoln]] and [[Republican Party (United States)|the Republican party]] possible. What abolished slavery was the moral sentiment which had been created, not by the pulpit, but by the Garrisonian platform. The churches did not do much to abolish slavery; but they did much to keep the agitation down.

*I am just as white myself as I am black; and I am not afraid of the negro getting the upper hand in me... If you build the negro a church on every hill, and a schoolhouse in every valley, and endow them all for a hundred years, you will not make up for the wrongs you have done him. Who is it that asks for protection at the polls and for equal education? The men who came forth to clutch with iron fingers your faltering flag, and shed their blood for you, who protected the women and children of the South during the war, who have tilled your soil with their horny hands, and watered it with their tears!

====&quot;The Race Problem&quot; (1890)====
[[File:Frederick Douglass gravestone.jpg|thumb|I have no doubt whatever of the future. I know there are times in the history of all reforms, when the future looks dark... I, for one, have gone through all this. I have had fifty years of it, and yet I have not lost either heart or hope... I have seen dark hours in my life, and I have seen the darkness gradually disappearing, and the light gradually increasing. One by one, I have seen obstacles removed, errors corrected, prejudices softened, proscriptions relinquished, and my people advancing in all the elements that make up the sum of general welfare. And I remember that God reigns in eternity, and that, whatever delays, disappointments, and discouragements may come, truth, justice, liberty, and humanity will ultimately prevail.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://frederickdouglass.infoset.io/islandora/object/islandora%3A4231 &quot;The Race Problem&quot;] (21 October 1890)&lt;/small&gt;

*That sturdy old Roman, [[Benjamin Butler]], made the negro a contraband, Abraham Lincoln made him a freeman, and General [[Ulysses S. Grant]] made him a citizen. 

*I have no doubt whatever of the future. I know there are times in the history of all reforms, when the future looks dark... I, for one, have gone through all this. I have had fifty years of it, and yet I have not lost either heart or hope... I have seen dark hours in my life, and I have seen the darkness gradually disappearing, and the light gradually increasing. One by one, I have seen obstacles removed, errors corrected, prejudices softened, proscriptions relinquished, and my people advancing in all the elements that make up the sum of general welfare. And I remember that '''God reigns in eternity, and that, whatever delays, disappointments, and discouragements may come, truth, justice, liberty, and humanity will ultimately prevail'''.

====''The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass'' (1892)====
* '''It is not uncommon to charge slaves with great treachery toward each other, but I must say I never loved, esteemed, or confided in men more than I did in these. They were as true as steel, and no band of brothers could be more loving.''' There were no mean advantages taken of each other, as is sometimes the case where slaves are situated as we were, no tattling, no giving each other bad names to Mr. Freeland, and no elevating one at the expense of the other. We never undertook to do any thing of any importance which was likely to affect each other, without mutual consultation. We were generally a unit, and moved together. Thoughts and sentiments were exchanged between us which might well be called incendiary had they been known by our masters. 
** ''[[w:Life and Times of Frederick Douglass|The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass]]'' (1892), Part 1, Chapter 18: New Relations and Duties

* Mr. [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] was not only a great President, but a ''great man'' — too great to be small in anything. '''In his company I was never in any way reminded of my humble origin, or of my unpopular color'''.
** ''The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass'' (1892), Part 2, Chapter 12: Hope for the Nation

* '''From the first I saw no chance of bettering the condition of the freedman until he should cease to be merely a freedman and should become a citizen.'''
** ''The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass'' (1892), Part 2, Chapter 13: Vast Changes

* From the first I saw no chance of bettering the condition of the freedman until he should cease to be merely a freedman and should become a citizen. I insisted that there was no safety for him or for anybody else in America outside the American government; that to guard, protect, and maintain his liberty the freedman should have the ballot; that '''the liberties of the American people were dependent upon the ballot-box, the jury-box, and the cartridge-box; that without these no class of people could live and flourish in this country'''; and this was now the word for the hour with me, and the word to which the people of the North willingly listened when I spoke. Hence, regarding as I did the elective franchise as the one great power by which all civil rights are obtained, enjoyed, and maintained under our form of government, and the one without which freedom to any class is delusive if not impossible, I set myself to work with whatever force and energy I possessed to secure this power for the recently-emancipated millions.
**[http://docsouth.unc.edu/neh/dougl92/dougl92.html ''The Life and Times of Frederick Douglass''] (1892), p. 460.
{{Disputed begin}}

==Disputed==
* I am a [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]], a black, dyed in the wool Republican, and I never intend to belong to any other party than the party of freedom and progress.
** Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989).
{{Disputed end}}

==Quotes about Douglass==
[[File:FREDERICK DOUGLASS - STATESMAN, ABOLITIONIST, CHAMPION OF THE PEOPLE - NARA - 535673.tif|thumb|Knowing the hardships of the laborer, Douglass became one of his pioneer champions. While fighting fiercely for the rights of his own people, he pointed the way to the organization and unity of all working people. Douglass, a Maryland-born slave, once worked as a ship's caulker, only a short distance from the site where a liberty ship bearing his name was launched. With the firm conviction that free men should have the right to defend their freedom, Douglass convinced Lincoln of the wisdom of enlisting negro troops in the Union armies. He himself helped organize the 54th Massachusetts Regiment, of Fort Wagner fame. ~ [[w:Charles Henry Alston|Charles H. Alston]]]]
*Knowing the hardships of the laborer, Douglass became one of his pioneer champions. While fighting fiercely for the rights of his own people, he pointed the way to the organization and unity of all working people. Douglass, a Maryland-born slave, once worked as a ship's caulker, only a short distance from the site where a liberty ship bearing his name was launched. With the firm conviction that free men should have the right to defend their freedom, Douglass convinced Lincoln of the wisdom of enlisting negro troops in the Union armies. He himself helped organize the 54th Massachusetts Regiment, of Fort Wagner fame.
**[[w:Charles Henry Alston|Charles H. Alston]], [[:File:FREDERICK DOUGLASS - STATESMAN, ABOLITIONIST, CHAMPION OF THE PEOPLE - NARA - 535673.tif|''Frederick Douglass: Statesman, Abolitionist, Champion of the People'']] (1943).

* But the broader reason why there weren't more slave rebellions is simpler: most slaves didn't want to rebel. This depressing fact is not limited to African slaves in America, but rather is a product of human nature and our ability to adapt, to be conditioned out of fear, and to serve. Frederick Douglass explained that slaves chose not to rebel out of fear of the unknown, which, he wrote, quoting ''Hamlet'', had made slaves &quot;rather bear those ills we had/than fly to others, that we knew not of.&quot;
** [[Mark Ames]], ''Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion: From Reagan's Workplaces to Clinton's Columbine and Beyond'' (2005), p. 31

*If things are allowed to go on as they are, it is certain that slavery is to be abolished. By the time the north shall have attained the power, the black race will be in a large majority, and then we will have black governors, black legislatures, black juries, black everything. Is it to be supposed that the white race will stand for that? It is not a supposable case. War will break out everywhere like hidden fire from the earth. We will be overpowered and our men will be compelled to wander like vagabonds all over the earth, and as for our women, the horrors of their state we cannot contemplate in imagination. We will be completely exterminated, and the land will be left in the possession of the blacks, and then it will go back to a wilderness and become another Africa or Saint Domingo. Join the north and what will become of you? They will hate you and your institutions as much as they do now, and treat you accordingly. Suppose they elevated [[Charles Sumner]] to the presidency? Suppose they elevated [[w:Frederick Douglass|Fred Douglass]], your escaped slave, to the presidency? What would be your position in such an event? I say give me pestilence and famine sooner than that.
**[[Henry L. Benning|Henry Benning]], [http://civilwarcauses.org/benningva.htm speech to the Virginian secession convention] (18 February 1861), as quoted in [http://www.civilwar.org/education/history/civil-war-overview/why-non-slaveholding.html &quot;Why Non-Slaveholding Southeners Fought&quot;], by Gordon Rhea, ''Civil War Trust''. Also quoted in ''Proceedings of the Virginia State Convention of 1861'', vol. 1, pp. 62-75.

* Abolitionists' hopes ascended to new heights in the wake of Fort Sumter; they joined the chorus of war fever and stood ready to usher slavery to an early death. After years of argument and prophecy, and after watching slavery dissolve America's political institutions, Douglass could hardly see the war in anything other than abolitionists' terms. He was fully aware that the radical implications [emancipation] of a war to save the Union were not anticipated by most northerners, but as a minority agitator, a moralist preaching an unpopular politics, and a political activist arguing for a new morality, he strove to exploit the grand opportunity now open to all abolitionists.
** David W. Blight, ''Frederick Douglass' Civil War: Keeping Faith in Jubilee'' (1989), p. 81

* Douglass' quest to create the hated enemy of the Union cause reflects a long-standing psychological need of his own. We must remember that he spent twenty-seven years of his life either as a slave or a fugitive slave; his sense of self-determination took its departure from his slave origins as the child of a black mother and her white master. He was both a reflection of the system into which he was born and its greatest contradiction. Slavery never received a more eloquent indictment than in Douglass' autobiographies, editorials, and speeches. He knew slavery as a system rooted in dehumanization and violence, and he knew from experience that slaves were both desired and despised. Slavery, in his view, required hatred and force in order to survive. It had taught him a great deal about the uses of violence, and it had taught him how to hate.
** David W. Blight, ''Frederick Douglass' Civil War: Keeping Faith in Jubilee'' (1989), p. 88

* From the very beginning of the conflict, Frederick Douglass argued for black military participation. An &quot;abolition war&quot; awaited only the will on the part of the northern people to destroy slavery and put blacks in uniform. As agitator, recruiter, and spokesman, Douglass gave the black soldier immense significance. The service of blacks in the Union forces came to represent both public and private meanings in Douglass' wartime thought.
** David W. Blight, ''Frederick Douglass' Civil War: Keeping Faith in Jubilee'' (1989), p. 148

* At the White House, Douglass met Lincoln for the first time. The president received the ex-slave cordially, and Douglass quickly felt at ease with what he called Lincoln's &quot;honest... countenance.&quot; Lincoln listened attentively as the black spokesman raised the issues of pay, promotion, and treatment of prisoners, responding that he understood the complaint on unequal pay but considered it a &quot;necessary concession&quot; in order to achieve the larger aim of getting blacks into the army. Defending his policies and his pace, Lincoln declared that &quot;popular prejudice&quot; had prevented an earlier retaliatory proclamation, since he had feared that too many northern whites simply would not accept the killing of southern whites to avenge the deaths of blacks. Black heroism, as Douglass recalled the interview, was Lincoln's idea of the &quot;necessary preparation of the public mind for his proclamation&quot; about retaliation.&quot; Douglass was most impressed, though, when Lincoln assured him that once he took a position [emancipation or black enlistment], he would not retreat from it. Douglass got a political education from his meeting with Lincoln, and he came away better informed about the complexity of the president's responsibilities. Lincoln responded frankly and respectfully to the black leader's questions. &quot;Though I was not entirely satisfied with his views,&quot; Douglass wrote of the meeting, &quot;I was so well satisfied with the man and with the educating tendency of the conflict that I determined to go on with the recruiting.&quot; Trust in the man fostered patience with his policies. &quot;My whole interview with the President was gratifying,&quot; Lincoln wrote to Stearns, &quot;and did much to assure me that slavery would not survive the war and that the country would survive both slavery and the war.&quot;
** David W. Blight, ''Frederick Douglass' Civil War: Keeping Faith in Jubilee'' (1989), p. 168-169

* Most important, Douglass' meeting with Lincoln had personal meaning. He had received a hearing at the highest level of power, and whatever pangs of conscience he possessed about recruiting soldiers for a discriminatory army were largely put to rest. He gained reassurance that the &quot;double battle&quot; strategy was still tenable. Moreover, the meeting was a personal triumph for Douglass- the former slave who grew up across Chesapeake Bay on the Eastern Shore of Maryland- as he sat in the president's office, spokesman of his people. His determination to resume recruiting, which he probably made before the meeting in Washington, could only be firmer in the afterglow of the interview with Lincoln. Douglass reveled in opportunities to tell the story of his first meeting with the president. Describing the scene in a speech at Philadelphia several months later, he left no doubt of his pride in the occasion: &quot;I tell you I felt big there!&quot; he assured his audience. The black leader and the government recruiting agent could be the same person again, because the citizen and the activist had been treated as one man, causing a sense of recognition that Douglass- like all black leaders- sorely needed.
** David W. Blight, ''Frederick Douglass' Civil War: Keeping Faith in Jubilee'' (1989), p. 169

* To Douglass it was a war of liberation, pure and simple. In the May issue of his paper he let himself go. Amid sprawling drawings of the American flag and eagle he exulted, &quot;Freedom for all, or chains for all.&quot; A few lines further on he added sardonically that his assurance could be traced &quot;less to the virtue of the North than to the villainy of the South.&quot; But since it was a war of emancipation, as he felt, he had a suggestion for the new president as to how it should be waged. &quot;Let the slaves and free colored people be called into service and formed into a liberating army, to march into the South and raise the banner of Emancipation among the slaves.&quot; To his surprise, however, Lincoln failed to jump at the suggestion. Negro enlistments in the navy were accepted without question, in view of practice long established, but the president wanted to think about this army thing. What Douglass did not know at the time, of course, the extent to which Lincoln's efforts to hold the border states in line and his behind-the-scenes struggles with other Republicans in the government accounted for his reluctance to change the Negro's status.
** Arna Bontemps, ''Free At Last: The Life of Frederick Douglass'' (1971), p. 224

* The political and military events that gradually turned the Union army into an army of liberation, aided by the Emancipation Proclamation as the predictable next step. How could the war have continued much longer without turning it into a war for emancipation and not merely to preserve the Union? And how could the Union cause have triumphed without the arming of black men? But in truth, Lincoln's decision was a huge break with the past. Shortly before the proclamation was to take effect, Frederick Douglass, who had pushed hard for emancipation, celebrated with these words: &quot;This is scarcely a day for prose. It is a day for poetry and song, a new song.&quot; Douglass rightly celebrated the day as a major step towards emancipation, and that is how we recall this crucial turning point, but he also recognized that it was a milestone in the relationship between the federal government and black men, both free and soon to be freed. When the Lincoln administration finally agreed to let black men take up arms against the Confederacy, an important door opened that would be very difficult to close. By arming black men, the Union was acknowledging something about black humanity and specifically about the manhood of these new soldiers. The administration was also implicitly acknowledging that they needed these new recruits to help win the war and restore the Union. Although celebrated as an immense moral step, the Emancipation Proclamation and the subsequent recruitment of soldiers into the regiments of the United States Colored Troops represented decisions born out of explicit military necessity, and they were presented to Northern voters on those terms.
** Ronald S. Coddington, ''African American Faces of the Civil War: An Album'' (2012), p. xiii

* During the July 18, 1863 evening assault on Fort Wagner, Confederate artillery took a frightful toll on the ranks of the Fifty-fourth Massachusetts Infantry, massed at the base of the parapet, while the sounds of exploding shells and hissing lead fragments mingled with the screams and shouts of men. Above the din, the powerful voice of the regiment's sergeant major, Lewis Douglass, urged the men forward. &quot;Come on boys,&quot; Douglass bellowed, &quot;we are on review today before Governor Andrew.&quot; His reference to the state executive who authorized the regiment drew cheers from the men as they rallied and stormed the fortification. Douglass might have summoned another name to inspire the troops- his father, Frederick Douglass. The elder Douglass played an important role in the formation of the Fifty-fourth, with the publication of &quot;Men of Color, to Arms!&quot; a few months before the battle at Fort Wagner.
** Ronald S. Coddington, ''African American Faces of the Civil War: An Album'' (2012), p. 63

*As a [[public speaker]], he excels in pathos, [[wit]], comparison, imitation, strength of reasoning, and fluency of language. There is in him that union of head and heart, which is indispensable to an [[enlightenment]] of the heads and a winning of the hearts of others.
**William Lloyd Garrison, Preface to ''Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave''

*Those damned sons of bitches thought they had [[Andrew Johnson|me]] in a trap! I know that damned [[w:Frederick Douglass|Douglass]]; he's just like any nigger, and he would sooner cut a white man's throat than not.
**[[Andrew Johnson]], as quoted in [http://web.archive.org/web/20110316175449/http://home.nas.com/lopresti/ps17.htm ''Andrew Johnson: A Profile''] (1969), &quot;Johnson and the Negro&quot;, by Lawanda Cox and John H. Cox; edited by Eric L. McKitrick, Hill &amp; Wang, New York pp. 152-153.

*Douglass was born a slave, he won his liberty. He is of negro extraction, and consequently was despised and outraged. He has by his own energy and force of character commanded the respect of [[United States|the nation]]. He was ignorant, he has, against law and by stealth and entirely unaided, educated himself He was poor, he has by honest toil and industry become rich and independent, so to speak. He, a chattel slave of a hated and cruelly wronged race, in the teeth of American prejudice and in face of nearly every kind of hindrance and drawback, has come to be one of the foremost orators of the age, with a reputation established on both sides of the Atlantic; a writer of power and elegance of expression. A thinker whose views are potent in controlling and shaping public opinion; a high officer in the national government. A cultivated gentleman whose virtues as a husband, father, and citizen are the highest honor a man can have. 
**Introduction, [https://archive.org/stream/lifetimesoffrede1881doug/lifetimesoffrede1881doug_djvu.txt ''Life and Times of Frederick Douglass''] (1881).

* Many Negroes responded enthusiastically to such appeals [as those by Douglass]. But others still held back. This was especially true in New York City, where Douglass, Henry Highland Garnet, and other speakers urged colored men to enlist at a meeting in Shiloh Church on April 27. In spite of their eloquence, only one recruit came forward. Douglass was appalled, and told the audience that he was ashamed of them. A Mr. Robert Johnson arose and defended the Negroes of New York, and, according to the report of the affair, &quot;by a few well-spoken words, [he] convinced the meeting that it was not cowardice which made the young men hesitate to enlist, but a proper respect for their own manhood. If the Government wanted their services, let it guarantee to them all the rights of citizens and soldiers, and, instead of one man, he would insure them 5,000 men in twenty days. Mr. J's remarks were received with tremendous and long-continued applause.&quot;
** James M. McPherson, ''The Negro's Civil War: How American Negroes Felt and Acted During the War for the Union'' (1965), p. 176

*In contrast to the contemporary black Americans, the black Americans, in that era, were in solid support of the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]]. This was the party that fought the northern and southern Democrats to pass the Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments to the U.S. Constitution. '''Although President [[Andrew Johnson]] tried to bamboozle Frederick Douglass to the Democrat side by making false or empty promises, he did not succeed. Douglass was no fool and was not going to let Johnson use him to gain the support of the Negroes in his effort to be 'elected' president.''' Frederick Douglass and other prominent Blacks threw their support to [[Ulysses S. Grant]] for president.
**[[w:Connie A. Miller, Sr.|Connie Miller]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=9ykO8sKDE30C&amp;pg=PA276&amp;lpg=PA276&amp;dq=%22I+know+the+man.+I+like+a+man+in+the+Presidential+chair%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=0JRNsxNa8j&amp;sig=UJpkupLqhe7-DOrhKxCYSCo7EcY&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=FA9lU5z5JsnQsQTM1YH4CA&amp;ved=0CC0Q6AEwAQ#v=onepage&amp;q=%22I%20know%20the%20man.%20I%20like%20a%20man%20in%20the%20Presidential%20chair%22&amp;f=false ''Frederick Douglass: American Hero''] (2008), p. 276.

* Frederick Douglass was one of the foremost leaders of the abolitionist movement which fought to end slavery within the United States in the decades prior to the Civil War. He eagerly attended the founding meeting of the Republican Party in 1854 and campaigned for its nominees. A brilliant speaker, Douglass was asked by the American Anti-Slavery Society to engage in a tour of lectures, and so became recognized as one of America's first great black speakers. He won world fame when his autobiography The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave, in which he gave specific details of his bondage, was publicized in 1845. Two years later, he began publishing an anti-slavery paper called the North Star. He was appointed Minister Resident and Consul General to Haiti by President Benjamin Harrison on July 1, 1889, the first black citizen to hold high rank in the U.S. government. Douglass served as an adviser to President Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War and fought for the adoption of constitutional amendments that guaranteed voting rights and other civil liberties for blacks. After the Civil War, Douglass realized that the war for citizenship had just begun when Democrat President Andrew Johnson proved to be a determined opponent of land redistribution and civil and political rights for former slaves. Douglass began the postwar era relying on the same themes that he preached in the antebellum years: economic self-reliance, political agitation, and coalition building. Douglass provided a powerful voice for human rights during this period of American history and is still revered today for his contributions against racial injustice.
**[[w:National Black Republican Association|National Black Republican Association]], [http://www.nationalblackrepublicans.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=pages.blackgop&amp; &quot;Frederick Douglass (1817&amp;ndash;1895)&quot;] (2009), ''Black Republican History'', National Black Republican Association.

* Many northern African Americans saw the war not only as a means of striking down the institution of slavery but as an opportunity to press their demands for full citizenship in a reunited nation. Even in the slavery-free North, African American rights were neither consistent nor secure. Suffrage was restricted to a few New England states, African Americans could not testify in court against a white defendant, and economic rights were not ensured. The justification for such restrictions in the North was that these rights were reserved for citizens of the United States, which free African Americans, not to mention slaves, were not. The conflict with the South, therefore, became a venue where African Americans, by demonstrating their loyalty and willingness to sacrifice for the benefit of the federal government, could improve their social status or even gain citizenship. Many African American leaders believed blacks should deny their services to the government until offered the reward of citizenship. Frederick Douglass told a Boston crowd, &quot;Nothing short of open recognition of the Negro's manhood, his rights as such to have a country equally with others, would induce me to join the army in any capacity. Many other African Americans, however, eagerly volunteered their services to the federal government after the assault on Fort Sumter.
** Steven J. Ramold, ''Slaves, Sailors, Citizens: African Americans in the Union Navy'' (2002), p. 34-35

*When police tried to prevent former slave Frederick Douglass from attending the inaugural reception in 1865, President Lincoln went to the door and said, 'Here comes my friend Douglass!'
**[[w:William Safire|William Safire]], as quoted in [http://blogs.egusd.net/sheldonhlib/files/2013/09/Frederick-Douglass-Cuts-Through-The-Lincoln-Myth-1qnj7ij.pdf ''Lend Me Your Ears: Great Speeches in History''], by W. Safire, New York: W.W. Norton and Company, p. 179.

* As a schoolkid in Virginia, I never received an honest accounting of slavery. Many historians have now given us a clear look at the slave trade, plantation life (that is, life on the enslaved labor farms), and slave rebellions. Every aspect of slavery was just as evil as the abolitionists and the peerlessly honest former slave Frederick Douglass described it. If anything the conditions were worse. The only way to argue for slavery, then or now, is to believe that the enslaved weren't real human beings. That the lives of those who had darker skin had less worth; that the color of skin meant the difference between human and not quite human. And that is the hideous lesson my Virginia history textbook taught schoolchildren in the Old Dominion.
** Ty Seidule, ''Robert E. Lee and Me: A Southerner's Reckoning with the Myth of the Lost Cause'' (2020), p. 63

* For Frederick Douglass, the bombardment of Fort Sumter launched a campaign of violence aimed squarely at the heart of the slave-owning Confederacy. &quot;The cry now is for war, vigorous war, war to the bitter end,&quot; he told readers of the ''Douglass Monthly'' in May 1861. Douglass, himself an escaped slave, was one of the most prominent and eloquent figures in the U.S. abolitionist movement. &quot;From the first,&quot; he would write later in his autobiographical ''Life and Times'', &quot;I, for one, saw in this war the end of slavery; and truth requires me to say that my interest in the success of the North was largely due to this belief.&quot; While openly advocating for the enlistment of blacks in the military, Douglass acknowledged that any Africans Americans in uniform would be assailed on two sides- by the Confederacy and its slave owners before them and by the pervasive racism of the North behind. As U.S. citizens flocked to the colors after Fort Sumter, Douglass proclaimed a key precondition for black participation: &quot;Nothing,&quot; he said, &quot;short of an open recognition of the Negro's manhood, his rights as such to have a country equally with others, would induce me to join the army in any capacity.&quot; Douglass' admonitions went unheard, however, amid the pounding drums and blaring trumpets of war. Hundreds of Northern free blacks joined the rush to defend the Union, giving no thought to any possible political agenda.
** Noah Andre Trudeau, ''Like Men of War: Black Troops in the Civil War, 1862-1865'' (1998), p. 7

* In late May 1861, three escaped slaves showed up at Fortress Monroe, a Union stronghold on the tip of Virginia's Peninsula, claiming they had been forced by their master to dig a Confederate battery position. It happened that the officer commanding this post- indeed, in charge of the entire Department of Virginia- was a Massachusetts lawyer and politician turned general named Benjamin Franklin Butler. Like his colonial namesake, Butler possessed a seemingly limitless stock of shrewd ingenuity. When a Confederate officer presented himself and demanded that this human property be returned under existing laws, Butler refused. He argued that because in this case the blacks had been employed against the U.S. government, they had become legitimate contraband of war and thus fair game for confiscation. Butler would later lay claim to being the first to utilize the term &quot;contraband&quot; in this context; in fact, the evidence is a bit murky on that point, though it is certainly true that through his act he established a precedent that other, likeminded Union officers were quick to follow. Suddenly the small Federal enclaves began to attract a growing number of male slaves and their families. Butler's fateful action was further legitimized on August 8, when the U.S. Congress authorized the seizure of all Southern property used &quot;in aid of the rebellion&quot;- a definition that specifically included slaves. From his editorial pulpit, Frederick Douglass issued a strident call to &quot;Let the slaves and free colored people be called into service, and formed into a liberating army.&quot;
** Noah Andre Trudeau, ''Like Men of War: Black Troops in the Civil War, 1862-1865'' (1998), p. 10-11

* At one time Mr. Douglass was travelling in the state of Pennsylvania, and was forced, on account of his colour, to ride in the baggage-car, in spite of the fact that he had paid the same price for his passage that the other passengers had paid. When some of the white passengers went into the baggage-car to console Mr. Douglass, and one of them said to him: &quot;I am sorry, Mr. Douglass, that you have been degraded in this manner,&quot; Mr. Douglass straightened himself up on the box upon which he was sitting, and replied: &quot;'''They cannot degrade Frederick Douglass. The [[soul]] that is within me no man can degrade. I am not the one that is being degraded on account of this treatment, but those who are inflicting it upon me…'''&quot;
** [[Booker T. Washington]], in ''[[w:Up from Slavery|Up from Slavery]]'' (1901), &quot;Ch. VI: Black Race And Red Race&quot;, the penalty of telling the truth, of telling the simple truth, in answer to a series of strange questions.

* In spite of the seeming pro-slavery policy of the national administration, Frederick Douglass was earnestly consecrating every energy of his being to the President's support. He was wise enough to understand that if Lincoln in the beginning, had stated his policy to be, not only to save the Union, but also to free the slaves, all would have been lost. While other Abolitionists were impatient and doubtful of Mr. Lincoln's course, Douglass declared himself convinced that the war, even though it be called a &quot;white man's war,&quot; was nevertheless the beginning of the end of the nation's great evil. He still believed, and so declared in his public speeches, that &quot;the mission of the war was the liberation of the slaves as well as the salvation of the Union.&quot; &quot;I reproached the North,&quot; he said, &quot;that they fought with one hand, while they might strike more effectively with two; that they fought with the soft white hand, while they kept the black iron hand chained and helpless behind them; that they fought the effect, while they protected the cause; and said that the Union cause would never prosper until the war assumed an anti-slavery attitude and the Negro was enlisted on the side of the Union.&quot;
** [[Booker T. Washington]], ''Frederick Douglass'' (1901), p. 219-220

* It required time and the cumulation of events to bring about a state of feeling that would tolerate the suggestion of using colored men in the Union army. Mr. Douglass more than any other one man, helped to bring about this change. It finally became evident that if the Negroes were good enough to be employed in the Confederate ranks, as laborers, they ought to be good enough for like service in the Union lines.
** [[Booker T. Washington]], ''Frederick Douglass'' (1901), p. 220

* Mr. Douglass eagerly assisted in the formation of the first regularly organized regiments of United States colored troops, the Fifty-fourth and Fifty-fifth Massachusetts Infantry Volunteers... Mr. Douglass rendered valuable aid in getting together enough fit men for two New England regiments. His two sons, Lewis H. and Charles R. Douglass, who are still living in Washington and are honored citizens, were among the first to enlist. Their father's influence with the colored people of the country was so great that his services were almost indispensable. He was distressed by the restrictions placed on these soldiers, but said: &quot;While I, of course, was deeply pained and saddened at the slowness of heart which marked the conduct of the loyal government, I was not discouraged, and urged every man who could enlist to get an eagle on his button, a musket on his shoulder, and the star and spangle over his head.&quot;
** [[Booker T. Washington]], ''Frederick Douglass'' (1901), p. 220-222

* Frederick Douglass's life fell in the period of war, of controversy, and of fierce party strife. The task which was assigned to him was, on the whole, one of destruction and liberation, rather than construction and reconciliation. '''Circumstances and his own temperament made him the aggressive champion of his people, and of all the others to whom custom or law denied the privileges which he had learned to regard as the inalienable possessions of men. He was for liberty, at all times, and in all shapes.''' Seeking the ballot for the Negro, he was ardently in favor of granting the same privilege to woman. Holding, as he did, that there were certain rights and dignities that belong to man as man, he was opposed to discrimination in our immigration laws in favor of the white races of Europe and against the yellow races of Asia. In religion, also, he was disposed to unite himself with the extreme liberal movement. In all this he was at once an American, and a man of his time.
** [[Booker T. Washington]], ''Frederick Douglass'' (1901), p. 349-350

* Fredrick Douglass was appalled at the blatant racism that lay behind refusals to accept black troops.
** David Williams, ''I Freed Myself: African American Self-Emancipation in the Civil War Era'' (2014), p. 70

* We helped plow the fields, build the dams, write the poems and sing the music of America. Are not all Americans proud, of Doree Miller, of Frederick Douglass, of Paul Robeson, of Joe Louis, of Marian Anderson.
** [[Ollie Harrington]] ''Why I Left America and Other Essays'' (1993)

* Frederick Douglass would rejoice, for he fought not only slavery but the oppression of women.
** [[Charlotta Bass]], speech at Progressive Party Convention (1952), located in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner

==See also==
* [[w:Black Lives Matter|Black Lives Matter]]
* [[H.R. 40 - Commission to Study and Develop Reparation Proposals for African-Americans Act]]
* [[Reparations for Slavery]]
* [[Racism in the United States]]
* [[Slavery]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/authors/d#a21 Frederick Douglass at Project Gutenberg]
* [http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/doughtml/doughome.html American Memory : Frederick Douglass] at the [[w:Library of Congress|Library of Congress]]
* [http://www.math.buffalo.edu/~sww/0history/hwny-douglass-family.html Timeline of Frederick Douglass and family]
* [https://frederickdouglass.infoset.io/ Frederick Douglas Papers]
* [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/lookupname?key=Douglass%2c%20Frederick%2c%201818%2d1895 Online Books Page (University of Pennsylvania)]
* [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4h2927t.html Fourth of July Speech]
* [http://www.nps.gov/frdo/fdlife.htm Frederick Douglass NHS - Douglass' Life] at the [[w:National Park Service|National Park Service]]
* [http://winningthevote.org/FDouglass.html Frederick Douglass - Western New York Suffragists]
* [http://www.culturaltourismdc.org/portal/a-brief-history-of-african-americans-in-washington-dc Cultural Tourism DC - African American Heritage Trail]
* [http://www.indepthinfo.com/band-of-brothers/frederick-douglass.shtml Frederick Douglass and the term &quot;Band of Brothers&quot;]
* [http://www.shmoop.com/life-of-frederick-douglass/quotes.html Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass quotes] analysis, study guide, and teaching resources]
* [http://rbscp.lib.rochester.edu/4398 An address on West India Emancipation]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Douglass, Frederick}}
[[Category:1818 births]]
[[Category:1895 deaths]]
[[Category:Abolitionists]]
[[Category:Activists from the United States]]
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:Journalists from the United States]]
[[Category:Editors from the United States]]
[[Category:American publishers]]
[[Category:Orators from the United States]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:Ambassadors of the United States]]
[[Category:Diplomats]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:Slaves]]
[[Category:Autobiographers from the United States]]
[[Category:Memoirists from the United States]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 1888]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]
[[Category:Women's rights activists]]
[[Category:Feminists]]
[[Category:People from Maryland]]</text>
      <sha1>kplrf733mocfyj4718kq06doju4t3g9</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>SpongeBob SquarePants</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>3590</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146100</id>
      <parentid>3144288</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:09:17Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>131.100.204.191</ip>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5624" xml:space="preserve">Shadow peach


First apperance: emotional skarr


Final apperance:used ink


Lisa (little girl)


First apperance: dim lit ed


Final apperance: boo haw haw


Dextor


First apperance: coupon for craziness


Final apperance: haunted house

== Seasons ==
: [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|Season 1]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]]

===Opening===
:''[opening sequence]''
:'''Painting''': Are you ready kids?
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting''': I can't hear you!
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[the hand puts SpongeBob's pants on]''
:'''Painting''': Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!
:''[Hearty laugh]''
:'''Painting, Kids''': ''[SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]''

===Films===
* ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Atlantis SquarePantis|Atlantis SquarePantis]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Truth or Square|Truth or Square]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]]''
===Spin-off shows===
* ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]''
* ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]''


==Repeated quotes==
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Oh, barnacles!&quot;
* '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': &quot;Aw, tartar sauce!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Good morning, Krusty Crew!&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!&quot;
* '''Mermaid Man''': &quot;EEEEVILLL!!!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Aw, fish paste!&quot;
* '''Fred''': &quot;My leg!&quot;
* '''Sandy''': &quot;Yee-haw!&quot;
* '''Plankton''': &quot;I went to college!&quot;
*'''Pearl:''' &quot;Thanks, dad.&quot;

== Time cards ==
*'''A few moments later.'''
*'''Two hours later.'''
*'''So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.'''

== Video games ==

=== [[Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom|Battle for Bikini Bottom]] ===

=== The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie ===

=== SuperSponge ===

=== SpongeBob's Truth or Square ===

=== Plankton's Robotic Revenge ===

=== SpongeBob HeroPants ===

=== Nicktoons Crossovers ===

==== [[Nicktoons Racing|Racing]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons Unite!|Unite!]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Battle for Volcano Island|Battle for Volcano Island]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots|Attack of the Toybots]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Globs of Doom|Globs of Doom]] ====

==== [[Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl]] ====

== About ==

* The main thing missing from cartoons is today that old cartoons were cartoony. They did things you can't do in any other medium. Today's cartoons are very conservative and are more like live action. The characters look the same in every frame of the dang cartoon. The old cartoons squashed, stretched, and did crazy expressions. They were imaginative and crazy. A lot of cartoons aren't imaginative, they just say things. It might as well be radio. There is no point in having anything to look at in modern cartoons. But you can't say that about every cartoon. [[w:Genndy Tartakovsky|Genndy Tartakovsky]]'s cartoons are beautiful. The closest thing now to what I'm saying is ''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]'' but even that doesn't go very far. It's like a conservative version of ''Ren &amp; Stimpy''.
** [[John Kricfalusi]] interview (Oct 12, 2004), &quot;[http://suicidegirls.com/interviews/John%20Kricfalusi/ John Kricfalusi, interview]&quot;, ''SuicideGirls'', retrieved 2011-03-01

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://www.nick.com/all_nick/tv_supersites/SpongeBob/bobintro.html?_requestid=197154 Nick.com] &amp;ndash; Official site
* [http://www.nick.com.au Nick Australia] &amp;ndash; The Nick Shack
* [http://www.en.spongepedia.bimserver.com SpongePedia] &amp;ndash; A SpongeBob Wiki from [[w:Wikia|Wikia]]
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206512/quotes SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes] on IMDB
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]</text>
      <sha1>f4m2yeiyvc4fzl4mfdpshetsklb0lv5</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146102</id>
      <parentid>3146100</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:10:29Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>131.100.204.191</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Spongebob Squarepants: king of evils */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5589" xml:space="preserve">Shadow peach


First apperance: emotional skarr


Final apperance:used ink


Lisa (little girl)


First apperance: dim lit ed


Final apperance: boo haw haw


Dextor


First apperance: coupon for craziness


Final apperance: haunted house

== Seasons ==
: [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|Season 1]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]]

===Opening===
:''[opening sequence]''
:'''Painting''': Are you ready kids?
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting''': I can't hear you!
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[the hand puts SpongeBob's pants on]''
:'''Painting''': Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!
:''[Hearty laugh]''
:'''Painting, Kids''': ''[SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]''

===Films===
* ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Atlantis SquarePantis|Atlantis SquarePantis]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Truth or Square|Truth or Square]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]]''
===Spin-off shows===
* ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]''
* ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]''


==Repeated quotes==
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Oh, barnacles!&quot;
* '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': &quot;Aw, tartar sauce!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Good morning, Krusty Crew!&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!&quot;
* '''Mermaid Man''': &quot;EEEEVILLL!!!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Aw, fish paste!&quot;
* '''Fred''': &quot;My leg!&quot;
* '''Sandy''': &quot;Yee-haw!&quot;
* '''Plankton''': &quot;I went to college!&quot;
*'''Pearl:''' &quot;Thanks, dad.&quot;

== Time cards ==
*'''A few moments later.'''
*'''Two hours later.'''
*'''So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.'''

== Video games ==

=== [[Spongebob Squarepants: king of evils ]] ===

=== The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie ===

=== SuperSponge ===

=== SpongeBob's Truth or Square ===

=== Plankton's Robotic Revenge ===

=== SpongeBob HeroPants ===

=== Nicktoons Crossovers ===

==== [[Nicktoons Racing|Racing]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons Unite!|Unite!]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Battle for Volcano Island|Battle for Volcano Island]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots|Attack of the Toybots]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Globs of Doom|Globs of Doom]] ====

==== [[Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl]] ====

== About ==

* The main thing missing from cartoons is today that old cartoons were cartoony. They did things you can't do in any other medium. Today's cartoons are very conservative and are more like live action. The characters look the same in every frame of the dang cartoon. The old cartoons squashed, stretched, and did crazy expressions. They were imaginative and crazy. A lot of cartoons aren't imaginative, they just say things. It might as well be radio. There is no point in having anything to look at in modern cartoons. But you can't say that about every cartoon. [[w:Genndy Tartakovsky|Genndy Tartakovsky]]'s cartoons are beautiful. The closest thing now to what I'm saying is ''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]'' but even that doesn't go very far. It's like a conservative version of ''Ren &amp; Stimpy''.
** [[John Kricfalusi]] interview (Oct 12, 2004), &quot;[http://suicidegirls.com/interviews/John%20Kricfalusi/ John Kricfalusi, interview]&quot;, ''SuicideGirls'', retrieved 2011-03-01

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://www.nick.com/all_nick/tv_supersites/SpongeBob/bobintro.html?_requestid=197154 Nick.com] &amp;ndash; Official site
* [http://www.nick.com.au Nick Australia] &amp;ndash; The Nick Shack
* [http://www.en.spongepedia.bimserver.com SpongePedia] &amp;ndash; A SpongeBob Wiki from [[w:Wikia|Wikia]]
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206512/quotes SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes] on IMDB
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]</text>
      <sha1>0ofq7cy9z4tl6un94zoe9x05p45rnps</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146103</id>
      <parentid>3146102</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:11:06Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>131.100.204.191</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* spongebob squarepants: the mansion */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5592" xml:space="preserve">Shadow peach


First apperance: emotional skarr


Final apperance:used ink


Lisa (little girl)


First apperance: dim lit ed


Final apperance: boo haw haw


Dextor


First apperance: coupon for craziness


Final apperance: haunted house

== Seasons ==
: [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|Season 1]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]]

===Opening===
:''[opening sequence]''
:'''Painting''': Are you ready kids?
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting''': I can't hear you!
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[the hand puts SpongeBob's pants on]''
:'''Painting''': Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!
:''[Hearty laugh]''
:'''Painting, Kids''': ''[SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]''

===Films===
* ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Atlantis SquarePantis|Atlantis SquarePantis]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Truth or Square|Truth or Square]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]]''
===Spin-off shows===
* ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]''
* ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]''


==Repeated quotes==
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Oh, barnacles!&quot;
* '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': &quot;Aw, tartar sauce!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Good morning, Krusty Crew!&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!&quot;
* '''Mermaid Man''': &quot;EEEEVILLL!!!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Aw, fish paste!&quot;
* '''Fred''': &quot;My leg!&quot;
* '''Sandy''': &quot;Yee-haw!&quot;
* '''Plankton''': &quot;I went to college!&quot;
*'''Pearl:''' &quot;Thanks, dad.&quot;

== Time cards ==
*'''A few moments later.'''
*'''Two hours later.'''
*'''So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.'''

== Video games ==

=== [[Spongebob Squarepants: king of evils ]] ===

=== spongebob squarepants: the mansion ===

=== SuperSponge ===

=== SpongeBob's Truth or Square ===

=== Plankton's Robotic Revenge ===

=== SpongeBob HeroPants ===

=== Nicktoons Crossovers ===

==== [[Nicktoons Racing|Racing]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons Unite!|Unite!]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Battle for Volcano Island|Battle for Volcano Island]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots|Attack of the Toybots]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Globs of Doom|Globs of Doom]] ====

==== [[Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl]] ====

== About ==

* The main thing missing from cartoons is today that old cartoons were cartoony. They did things you can't do in any other medium. Today's cartoons are very conservative and are more like live action. The characters look the same in every frame of the dang cartoon. The old cartoons squashed, stretched, and did crazy expressions. They were imaginative and crazy. A lot of cartoons aren't imaginative, they just say things. It might as well be radio. There is no point in having anything to look at in modern cartoons. But you can't say that about every cartoon. [[w:Genndy Tartakovsky|Genndy Tartakovsky]]'s cartoons are beautiful. The closest thing now to what I'm saying is ''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]'' but even that doesn't go very far. It's like a conservative version of ''Ren &amp; Stimpy''.
** [[John Kricfalusi]] interview (Oct 12, 2004), &quot;[http://suicidegirls.com/interviews/John%20Kricfalusi/ John Kricfalusi, interview]&quot;, ''SuicideGirls'', retrieved 2011-03-01

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://www.nick.com/all_nick/tv_supersites/SpongeBob/bobintro.html?_requestid=197154 Nick.com] &amp;ndash; Official site
* [http://www.nick.com.au Nick Australia] &amp;ndash; The Nick Shack
* [http://www.en.spongepedia.bimserver.com SpongePedia] &amp;ndash; A SpongeBob Wiki from [[w:Wikia|Wikia]]
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206512/quotes SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes] on IMDB
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]</text>
      <sha1>bcacdm6x91o745c52tlg112oakvdleq</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146104</id>
      <parentid>3146103</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:11:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>131.100.204.191</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* spongebob squarepants: league of destruction */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5625" xml:space="preserve">Shadow peach


First apperance: emotional skarr


Final apperance:used ink


Lisa (little girl)


First apperance: dim lit ed


Final apperance: boo haw haw


Dextor


First apperance: coupon for craziness


Final apperance: haunted house

== Seasons ==
: [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|Season 1]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]]

===Opening===
:''[opening sequence]''
:'''Painting''': Are you ready kids?
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting''': I can't hear you!
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[the hand puts SpongeBob's pants on]''
:'''Painting''': Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!
:''[Hearty laugh]''
:'''Painting, Kids''': ''[SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]''

===Films===
* ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Atlantis SquarePantis|Atlantis SquarePantis]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Truth or Square|Truth or Square]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]]''
===Spin-off shows===
* ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]''
* ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]''


==Repeated quotes==
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Oh, barnacles!&quot;
* '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': &quot;Aw, tartar sauce!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Good morning, Krusty Crew!&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!&quot;
* '''Mermaid Man''': &quot;EEEEVILLL!!!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Aw, fish paste!&quot;
* '''Fred''': &quot;My leg!&quot;
* '''Sandy''': &quot;Yee-haw!&quot;
* '''Plankton''': &quot;I went to college!&quot;
*'''Pearl:''' &quot;Thanks, dad.&quot;

== Time cards ==
*'''A few moments later.'''
*'''Two hours later.'''
*'''So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.'''

== Video games ==

=== [[Spongebob Squarepants: king of evils ]] ===

=== spongebob squarepants: the mansion ===

=== spongebob squarepants: league of destruction ===

=== SpongeBob's Truth or Square ===

=== Plankton's Robotic Revenge ===

=== SpongeBob HeroPants ===

=== Nicktoons Crossovers ===

==== [[Nicktoons Racing|Racing]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons Unite!|Unite!]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Battle for Volcano Island|Battle for Volcano Island]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots|Attack of the Toybots]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Globs of Doom|Globs of Doom]] ====

==== [[Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl]] ====

== About ==

* The main thing missing from cartoons is today that old cartoons were cartoony. They did things you can't do in any other medium. Today's cartoons are very conservative and are more like live action. The characters look the same in every frame of the dang cartoon. The old cartoons squashed, stretched, and did crazy expressions. They were imaginative and crazy. A lot of cartoons aren't imaginative, they just say things. It might as well be radio. There is no point in having anything to look at in modern cartoons. But you can't say that about every cartoon. [[w:Genndy Tartakovsky|Genndy Tartakovsky]]'s cartoons are beautiful. The closest thing now to what I'm saying is ''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]'' but even that doesn't go very far. It's like a conservative version of ''Ren &amp; Stimpy''.
** [[John Kricfalusi]] interview (Oct 12, 2004), &quot;[http://suicidegirls.com/interviews/John%20Kricfalusi/ John Kricfalusi, interview]&quot;, ''SuicideGirls'', retrieved 2011-03-01

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://www.nick.com/all_nick/tv_supersites/SpongeBob/bobintro.html?_requestid=197154 Nick.com] &amp;ndash; Official site
* [http://www.nick.com.au Nick Australia] &amp;ndash; The Nick Shack
* [http://www.en.spongepedia.bimserver.com SpongePedia] &amp;ndash; A SpongeBob Wiki from [[w:Wikia|Wikia]]
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206512/quotes SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes] on IMDB
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]</text>
      <sha1>gq69ck60z7746zn7lqevdbfmk2v46tk</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146106</id>
      <parentid>3146104</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:12:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>131.100.204.191</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Spin-off shows */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5616" xml:space="preserve">Shadow peach


First apperance: emotional skarr


Final apperance:used ink


Lisa (little girl)


First apperance: dim lit ed


Final apperance: boo haw haw


Dextor


First apperance: coupon for craziness


Final apperance: haunted house

== Seasons ==
: [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|Season 1]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]]

===Opening===
:''[opening sequence]''
:'''Painting''': Are you ready kids?
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting''': I can't hear you!
:'''Kids''': Aye Aye Captain!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[the hand puts SpongeBob's pants on]''
:'''Painting''': Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painting''': Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
:'''Painting, Kids''': Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!
:''[Hearty laugh]''
:'''Painting, Kids''': ''[SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]''

===Films===
* ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Atlantis SquarePantis|Atlantis SquarePantis]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Truth or Square|Truth or Square]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]]''
===Spin-off shows===
* ''[[spongebob's laboratory ]]''
* ''[[evil sponge dexter carne ]]''

==Repeated quotes==
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Oh, barnacles!&quot;
* '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': &quot;Aw, tartar sauce!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Good morning, Krusty Crew!&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!&quot;
* '''Mermaid Man''': &quot;EEEEVILLL!!!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Aw, fish paste!&quot;
* '''Fred''': &quot;My leg!&quot;
* '''Sandy''': &quot;Yee-haw!&quot;
* '''Plankton''': &quot;I went to college!&quot;
*'''Pearl:''' &quot;Thanks, dad.&quot;

== Time cards ==
*'''A few moments later.'''
*'''Two hours later.'''
*'''So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.'''

== Video games ==

=== [[Spongebob Squarepants: king of evils ]] ===

=== spongebob squarepants: the mansion ===

=== spongebob squarepants: league of destruction ===

=== SpongeBob's Truth or Square ===

=== Plankton's Robotic Revenge ===

=== SpongeBob HeroPants ===

=== Nicktoons Crossovers ===

==== [[Nicktoons Racing|Racing]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons Unite!|Unite!]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Battle for Volcano Island|Battle for Volcano Island]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots|Attack of the Toybots]] ====

==== [[Nicktoons: Globs of Doom|Globs of Doom]] ====

==== [[Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl]] ====

== About ==

* The main thing missing from cartoons is today that old cartoons were cartoony. They did things you can't do in any other medium. Today's cartoons are very conservative and are more like live action. The characters look the same in every frame of the dang cartoon. The old cartoons squashed, stretched, and did crazy expressions. They were imaginative and crazy. A lot of cartoons aren't imaginative, they just say things. It might as well be radio. There is no point in having anything to look at in modern cartoons. But you can't say that about every cartoon. [[w:Genndy Tartakovsky|Genndy Tartakovsky]]'s cartoons are beautiful. The closest thing now to what I'm saying is ''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]'' but even that doesn't go very far. It's like a conservative version of ''Ren &amp; Stimpy''.
** [[John Kricfalusi]] interview (Oct 12, 2004), &quot;[http://suicidegirls.com/interviews/John%20Kricfalusi/ John Kricfalusi, interview]&quot;, ''SuicideGirls'', retrieved 2011-03-01

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://www.nick.com/all_nick/tv_supersites/SpongeBob/bobintro.html?_requestid=197154 Nick.com] &amp;ndash; Official site
* [http://www.nick.com.au Nick Australia] &amp;ndash; The Nick Shack
* [http://www.en.spongepedia.bimserver.com SpongePedia] &amp;ndash; A SpongeBob Wiki from [[w:Wikia|Wikia]]
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206512/quotes SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes] on IMDB
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]</text>
      <sha1>i9eh6e0b3yku1lyjobiwarpoxjvvmaw</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Nico</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>3929</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146088</id>
      <parentid>2678376</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:44:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ahti-Saku</username>
        <id>3126681</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7174" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Nico profile1974.png|thumb|right|The same things happen in different guises.]]
'''[[w:Nico|Nico]]'''  ([[16 October]] [[1938]] &lt;!-- or 15 March 1943 --&gt; – [[18 July]] [[1988]]), born '''Christa Päffgen''', was a German fashion model, actress, singer, and [[w:Composer|composer]].

== Quotes == 
[[File:Nico Harmonium1974.png|thumb|right|Banish the faceless reward your grace.]] 
[[File:Nico1 -Mutter Erde fec.jpg|thumb|right|Silently you'll go to the shadow of your soul&lt;/br&gt; And you know that it was like this before we had to go]]

* '''I would say the time has not yet come. I rebel against the present, whenever it is, because I have not seen any change, other than oppositions grow stronger.''' I would be a communist if it was more anarchist. Otherwise, I see only everything as an absurdity, so I can laugh and cry. I have lived in a continuation, from birth and growing towards death in a chain that cannot end. I don't see this decade then that decade. '''The same things happen in different guises.''' I am bohemian but at one time you would call me a hippie or a punk. I remain a bohemian whatever you call me. So maybe I am locked in the fifties. But I have never desired to grow up from my world as a child, which is when things are most clear and utopian. They are clear because you are at the center and you see all around you. When you get older you lose your sight … I lost something of my childishness when people around me start dying. Four of my family died within a year.
**On the decade which she fit in best, as quoted in ''Life and Lies of an Icon'' (1995) by Richard Witts.

*'''I have a habit of leaving places at the wrong time, just when something big may have happened for me.'''
**As quoted in ''Up-tight: the Velvet Underground story (2002) by Victor Bockris and Gerard Malanga.

*'''You could say it like was like a fairy tale at the time; Andy would be the good fairy, and Jim would play the giant, Brian would be the witch, [[Paul McCartney]] would be the frog who turns into a prince, no, it would have to be the other way round.''' Well, it didn't seem like a fairy tale at the time. It was a lot of hassle. But I learned a lot of things, and I began to compose my own songs.
**Describing her tumultuous experiences of 1967, as quoted in ''Life and Lies of an Icon'' (1995) by Richard Witts.

*'''I think he was the first man I met who was not afraid of me in some way. We were very similar, like brother and sister. Our spirits are similar.''' We were the same height and the same age, almost … He was well read and he introduced me to [[William Blake]] and also the English Romantic poets who came after him. Jim liked [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]]. I preferred [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge|Coleridge]]. In fact, he is my favoured poet of all time. Did you know they were all drug addicts? Coleridge was addicted to opium. '''It is better to be addicted to opium than to be addicted to money.'''
**On her &quot;soul brother&quot; [[Jim Morrison]], as quoted in ''Life and Lies of an Icon'' (1995) by Richard Witts.

*[[Jim Morrison]] tells me that people are looking at the streets while I am looking at the moon. I do not feel connected enough [with the issues] to throw stones at a policeman. I want to throw stones at the whole world.
**In 1968, as quoted in ''Life and Lies of an Icon'' (1995) by Richard Witts.

*I don't have a sense of time. Time is timeless to me, and I'm not in a hurry to get older. I mean, if I were worried about time, all the time, it would be terrible.
**Her response when asked about her sense of rhythm in songwriting, as quoted in ''Life and Lies of an Icon'' (1995) by Richard Witts.

=== Afraid ===

* Cease to know or to tell&lt;/br&gt;Or to see or to be your own&lt;/br&gt;Have someone else's will as your own&lt;/br&gt;Have someone else's will as your own.

* You are beautiful and you are alone.

* Often the adolescent plague&lt;/br&gt;Reward your grace&lt;/br&gt;Confuse your hunger capture the fake...

* Banish the faceless reward your grace&lt;/br&gt;Banish the faceless reward your grace.

=== Roses in the Snow ===
* He came your way&lt;/br&gt; And when he had to go&lt;/br&gt; There were roses growing in the snow&lt;/br&gt; Silently you'll go to the shadow of your soul&lt;/br&gt; And you know that it was like this before we had to go&lt;/br&gt; You will never see these lights&lt;/br&gt; Glowing in your nights&lt;/br&gt; Until you feel this way.

* With every moon it is as though you're getting closer to your soul&lt;/br&gt; And then you go alone and with no fear&lt;/br&gt; Then you will know&lt;/br&gt; That it was like this before we had to go&lt;/br&gt; And you will find that you were blind&lt;/br&gt; Until you saw these lights glowing in your nights.

* You will never see these lights&lt;/br&gt;Glowing in your nights&lt;/br&gt; If you don't know&lt;/br&gt; And there are roses growing in the snow.

==Quotes about Nico==

* John Cale did a really interesting version of ''Heartbreak Hotel'', in a minor key. It's incredibly suicidal. I mean you could never believe that that song could turn out to be such a downer as that... Nico did Deutschland Über Alles, which was very good... and she did ''The End'' by The Doors, which is the one they put on the album... Nico doing ''The End'' was so chilling, it really was. It was incredible. She invests it with so many levels of meaning I didn't hear in the Doors' one. She underplays it... there's just the harmonium, me playing synthesizer— almost doubling the harmonium part— and her singing... which is just like a rich, kind of non-specific miasma of sound...
** [[w:Brian Eno|Brian Eno]], ''Creem'' (1974)

* &quot;Of course, it's her own sexuality that she's denying&quot;, he continued.  Did I know that she'd been raped as a teenager in Berlin? &lt;br&gt; I didn't. &lt;br&gt; Nico was working as a temp for the U.S. Air Force. A black American Sergeant had raped not only her, but other girls under his employ. She'd kept quiet about it, but he was found out and court-marshalled.  She had to testify for the prosecution at his trial.  He was sentenced to death and shot.  Nico was 15. &lt;br&gt; &quot;Not only does she have to carry the horror of the rape but the secret guilt of somehow being complicit, by her testimony, in his execution.  Sex for Nico....is irrevocably associated with punishment.&quot;
** [[w:James Young|James Young]] in ''Songs They Don't Play On the Radio''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons|Nico (Christa Päffgen)}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0630113/ Profile at IMDb]
*[http://www.habitsofwaste.wwu.edu/issues/2/iss2art5a.shtml Habits of Waste, Pt. 1] 
*[http://www.habitsofwaste.wwu.edu/issues/3/iss3art4a.shtml Habits of Waste, Pt. 2] 
*[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5044641 Nico, the Voice of Disaffected Youth (NPR)]
*[http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/01/2007_35_thu.shtml Nico (BBC Radio 4 ''Woman's Hour'' audio item)]
* [http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&amp;GRid=4411 Profile at Find a Grave]

[[Category:Actresses from Germany]]
[[Category:Composers from Germany]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:Women musicians]]
[[Category:Models from Germany]]
[[Category:People from Cologne]]
[[Category:1938 births]]
[[Category:1988 deaths]]
[[Category:Drummers from the United States]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Aladdin (1992 Disney film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>4076</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146003</id>
      <parentid>3130128</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:19:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19117" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:ShareADreamComeTrue5.JPG|thumb|Genie, you're [[free]]!]] 
'''''[[w:Aladdin (1992 Disney film)|Aladdin]]''''' is a [[w:1992 in film|1992]] [[w:Disney|Disney]] animated film which relates a version of the story of Aladdin and the magic lamp from The Book of [[One Thousand and One Nights]].
&lt;center&gt;'''Imagine if you had three wishes, three hopes, three dreams, and they all would come true. '''&lt;small&gt;([[#taglines|Taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

== Aladdin ==
[[File:Harikalar Diyari Jasmine 06003 nevit.jpg|thumb|The [[law]] is [[wrong]]. If I do [[marry]], I want it to be for [[love]].]]

* ''[chased by Razoul and his guards]'' All this for a loaf of bread?
* Abu, this is no time to panic! ''[gasps and sees a cliff]'' Start panicking!
* Genie, you're free! ''[using his third wish to free Genie from the lamp]''

== Jasmine ==
*Oh, Father! Rajah was just playing with him. Weren't you, Rajah? You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Prince Achmed, weren't you?
* Then maybe I don't wanna be a princess any more!
* Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress?
* When I am queen, I will have the power to get rid of you!
* How dare you! All of you! Standing around deciding my future?! I am not a prize to be won!
* Him! I choose- I choose you, Aladdin.

== Iago ==
* I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get ahold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at this. Look at this! I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!

== Genie ==
* ''[after coming out of his lamp]'' 10,000 years will give you such a crick in the neck!
* Jafar, Jafar, he's our man, if he can't do it: GREAT!!
* All right, you baaaaad boy, but no more freebies.
* ''[after saving Aladdin from drowning]'' Al, I'm gettin' kinda fond of you, kid. Not that I want to pick out curtains or anything.
* ''[last lines]'' Made you look.

== Jafar ==
* ''[having learned from the Cave of Wonders]'' Yes. Only one may enter. I must find this one. This Diamond in the Rough.
* ''[after Aladdin has returned]'' YOU! How many times do I have to kill you, boy?!

== Prince Achmed ==
* You are a worthless street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you!

== Cave of Wonders ==
* Who disturbs my slumber?

== Narrator/Merchant ==
* Ahh! Salaam and good evening to you, worthy friend. Please, please, come closer. ''[camera hits him in the face]'' Too close! A little too close. ''[camera backs up]'' There. Welcome to Agrabah.
* ''[holding up an oil lamp]'' Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life; a young man who, like this lamp, was more than what he seemed: a diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? It begins on a dark night, where a dark man waits... with a dark purpose.

== Farouk ==
* She said she knew the sultan!

== Gazeem ==
* A thousand apologies, Oh Patient One.

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]'' 
:'''Narrator''': Ahh! Salaam and good evening to you, worthy friend. Please, please, come closer. ''[camera hits him in the face]'' Too close! A little too close. ''[camera backs up]'' There. Welcome to Agrabah, city of mystery, of enchantment. And the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan on sale today! Come on down! Look at this! Yes! Heh, heh. Combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes julienne fries. Will not break! ''[taps it on table]'' Will not... ''[it falls apart]'' It broke! [holding up a box] Ooh! Look at this! I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen. ''[he lifts the lid of the box a little and blows a clandestine raspberry]'' Ah, still good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': You are late.
:'''Gazeem''': A thousand apologies, Oh Patient One.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.
:'''Iago''': What's coming to you. Awk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cave''': Who disturbs my slumber?
:'''Gazeem''': It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
:'''Cave''': Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.
:'''Jafar''': What are you waiting for? Go on!
:''[when Gazeem tries to steal the lamp from the Cave of Wonders, the latter swallows him whole]''
:'''Jafar''': No!
:'''Cave''': Seek thee out, the diamond in the rough.
:'''Iago''': I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get ahold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm molting.
:'''Jafar''': Patience, Iago, patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.
:'''Iago''': Oh, there's a big surprise! That's an incredib... I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise! What are we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big... Mmph!
:''[Jafar grabs Iago's beak to shut him up]''
:'''Jafar''': Yes. Only one may enter. I must find this one, this... diamond in the rough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Guard 1''': ''[spots Aladdin]'' There he is!
:'''Guard 2''': You won't get away so easy!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[holds up the bread]'' You think that was easy?
:''[He turns to see a group of women laughing at him]''
:'''Razoul''': ''[to his guards]'' You two, over that way! And you, follow me! We'll find him!
:''[Aladdin walks up to the women, disguised as one of them]''
:'''Aladdin''': Morning, ladies.
:'''Woman 1''': Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Aladdin?
:'''Aladdin''': Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught.
:'''Razoul''': ''[grabs Aladdin]'' GOTCHA!
:'''Aladdin''': I'm in trouble!
:'''Razoul''': And this time.
:''[Abu screeching]''
:'''Aladdin''': Perfect timing, Abu!
:'''Abu''': Hello.
:'''Aladdin''': Come on, let's get outta here!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Prince Achmed comes storming in from the palace gardens after being rejected by Princess Jasmine]''
:'''Achmed''': I've never been so insulted!
:'''Sultan''': Oh, Prince Achmed, you're, you're not... leaving so soon, are you?
:'''Achmed''': ''[walks away, pants at the butt area are ripped off, revealing spotted underwear]'' Good luck marrying ''her'' off!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sultan''': ''[brandishes the piece of Achmed's clothing]'' So, this is why Prince Achmed stormed out!
:'''Jasmine''': Oh, Father! Rajah was just playing with him. Weren't you, Rajah? You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Prince Achmed, weren't you? ''[she and her tiger chuckle and then see the Sultan glaring at them]'' Ahem...
:'''Sultan''': Dearest, you've got to stop rejecting every suitor who comes to call! The law says you -
:'''Jasmine''': ''[choruses with him]'' Must be married to a prince...
:'''Sultan''': ...by your next birthday.
:'''Jasmine''': The law is wrong!
:'''Sultan''': You've only got 3 more days!
:'''Jasmine''': Father! I hate being forced into this. If I do marry... I want it to be for love.
:'''Sultan''': Jasmine... it's not only this law... I'm not going to be around forever, and, well, I just want to make sure you're taken care of. Provided for.
:'''Jasmine''': Please, try to understand! I've never done a thing on my own. I've never had any real friends. ''[Rajah looks up, growling]'' Except you, Rajah. ''[Rajah lies down again, smiling]'' I've never even been outside the palace walls.
:'''Sultan''': But Jasmine, you're a princess.
:'''Jasmine''': Then maybe I don't wanna be a princess any more!
:'''Sultan''': Ooooh! ''[to Rajah]'' Allah forbid you should have any daughters!
:''[Rajah grunts confusedly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[saving Jasmine from an irate merchant]'' Thank you, kind sir. I'm so glad you found her. ''[to Jasmine]'' I've been looking all over for you!
:'''Jasmine''': ''[whispering]'' What are you doing?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[whispering]'' Just play along.
:'''Farouk''': You, uh, know this girl?
:'''Aladdin''': Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy.
:'''Farouk''': She said she knew the sultan!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[gesturing to Abu]'' She thinks the monkey is the sultan.
:'''Jasmine''': ''[bowing to Abu]'' O wise Sultan, how may I serve you?
:''[Abu mutters gibberish]''
:'''Aladdin''': Tragic, isn't it? But, no harm done. Now, come along, sis. Time to go see the doctor.
:'''Jasmine''': ''[to a camel]'' Oh, hello, Doctor. How are you?
:'''Aladdin''': ''[through his teeth]'' No, no, no, not that one... Come on, Sultan.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[finds the lamp]'' This is it? This is what we came all the way down here to...?
:''[he suddenly sees Abu about to snatch the ruby from the monkey idol]''
:'''Aladdin''': Abu! NO!
:''[Abu grabs the ruby]''
:'''Cave''': ''[echoes through the chamber]'' INFIDELS!
:'''Abu''': Uh-oh!
:'''Cave''': You have touched the forbidden treasure!
:''[Abu sheepishly tries to put the ruby back in the idol's palm, but the idol melts away]''
:'''Cave''': Now you will never again see the light of DAY!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[hanging from the entrance of the Cave of Wonders]'' Help me out!
:'''Jafar''': Throw me the lamp!
:'''Aladdin''': I can't hold on! Give me your hand!
:'''Jafar''': First give me the lamp!
:''[Aladdin does so]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs triumphantly]'' Yes! At last!
:''[he grabs Aladdin's wrist]''
:'''Aladdin''': What are you doing?
:'''Jafar''': Giving you your reward, your eternal reward! 
:''[he pulls out a dagger and is about to stab Aladdin; Abu bites his arm, forcing him to drop the dagger; Jafar then throws Aladdin and Abu back down the Cave, after the entrance to the Cave of Wonders is sealed, Jafar, thinking that he has the lamp, laughs]''
:'''Jafar''': It's mine. ''[removes his disguise]'' It's all mine! ''[looks into his robe]'' I-- ''[takes a closer look]'' Where is it? ''[pats down his empty robe]'' No! ''[falls to his knees]'' NO!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[after learning Genie's rules]'' Provisos? You mean, limitations on wishes? Some all-powerful genie. He can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Abu. He probably can't even get us outta this cave. Looks like we're gonna hafta find a way outta here.
:''[Genie stomps his foot loudly in front of the duo]''
:'''Genie''': Excuse me?! ''[scoffs in annoyance]'' Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're walkin' out on me?! I don't think so! Not right now! YOU'RE GETTIN' YOUR WISHES, SO SIT DOWN!!!
:''[Aladdin and Abu sit on the carpet; Genie joins them]''
:'''Genie''': In case of emergency, ''[points in different directions with many arms]'' the exits are here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here,... ANYWHERE! ''[retracts his extra arms]'' Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'RE...!!!
:''[the carpet takes off and pops out of the cave]''
:'''Genie''': ...OUTTA HERE!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Genie and Carpet are playing Chess]''
:'''Genie''': So move!
:''[Carpet takes his queen and knocks Genie's off the board]''
:'''Genie''': Hey! That's a good move. ''[imitates Rodney Dangerfield]'' I can't believe it! I'm losing to a rug!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[after transforming Aladdin into a prince]'' He's got the outfit. He's got the elephant. But we're not through yet! Hang on to your turban, kid! We're gonna make you a star!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[to Genie, regretfully]'' Genie, I can't keep this up on my own. I.....I can't wish you free.
:'''Genie''': ''[obviously hurt]'' Fine. I understand. After all, you've lied to everyone else. Hey, I was just beginning to feel left out. Now, if you'll excuse me, &quot;Master&quot;. ''[vanishes into his lamp]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[comes out of the lamp after Jafar has rubbed it]'' Y'know, Al, I'm getting really...! ''[spots Jafar]'' I don't think you're him. ''[reads from a script and looks at Jafar through opera glasses]'' Tonight the part of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man.
:''[Jafar throws Genie to the ground, and steps on his face]''
:'''Jafar''': I am your master now!
:'''Genie''': I was afraid of that.
:'''Jafar''': Genie, grant me my first wish. I wish to rule on high as Sultan!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': I'm just getting warmed up! ''[spits fire]''
:'''Aladdin''': Are you afraid to fight me yourself, you cowardly snake?!
:'''Jafar''': ''[emerges through the flames]'' A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how SSSSNAKE-LIKE I CAN BE! ''[with these words, Jafar transforms into a giant cobra]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': You little fool. You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth?!
:'''Iago''': Squeeze him, Jafar. Squeeze him like a…
:'''Jafar''': Without the Genie, boy, you're nothing!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[looks down at Genie]'' The Genie. The Genie! ''[to Jafar]'' The Genie has more power than you'll ever have!
:'''Jafar''': What?!
:'''Aladdin''': He gave you your power! He can take it away!
:'''Genie''': Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?
:'''Aladdin''': Face it, Jafar! You're still just second-best!
:'''Jafar''': ''[gasps]'' You're right! His power does exceed my own. ''[slithers toward Genie]'' But not for long.
:'''Genie''': The boy's crazy. He's a little punch-drunk. One too many hits with a snake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[after becoming a genie]'' The universe is mine to command! TO CONTROL!!
:'''Aladdin''': Not so fast, Jafar! Aren't you forgetting something?!
:'''Jafar''': Huh?
:'''Aladdin''': You wanted to be a genie? You got it!
:'''Jafar''': WHAT?!
:'''Aladdin''': ''[sucks the evil genie into a black lamp]'' And everything that goes with it!
:'''Jafar''': NO! NO!!
:'''Iago''': I'm gettin' outta here!
:'''Aladdin''': Phenomenal cosmic powers!
:'''Jafar''': NOOOOOOOO!!!
:'''Iago''': ''[Jafar grabs him]'' Come on! You're the genie! I don't wanna be... ''[gets trapped in the lamp with Jafar]''
:'''Aladdin''': Itty-bitty living space.
:'''Genie''': Al! You little genius, you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, I'm sorry I lied to you about being a prince.
:'''Jasmine''': I know why you did.
:'''Aladdin''': Well, I guess... this is... goodbye?
:'''Jasmine''': Oh, that stupid law. This isn't fair. I love you.
:'''Genie''': Al, no problem. You still got one wish left! Just say the word, and you're a prince again.
:'''Aladdin''': But, Genie, what about your freedom?
:'''Genie''': Hey, it's only an eternity of servitude. ''[pushes Aladdin and Jasmine closer together]'' ''This'' is love. Al, you're never going to find another girl like her in a million years. Believe me, I know: I've looked.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': I'm free... I'm free. ''[to Aladdin]'' Quick, QUICK! Wish for something outrageous, say 'I-I want the Nile'! Wish for the Nile, try that.
:'''Aladdin''': Uh... I wish for the Nile.
:'''Genie''': NO WAY! ''[points and laughs]'' OH, does this feel good! Oh! I'm free! I'm free at last! ''[starts packing a suitcase]'' I'm hitting the road! I'm off to see the world! I'm- ''[Looks at Aladdin who smiles sadly and looks down]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, I'm gonna miss you.
:'''Genie''': ''[tearfully]'' Me, too, Al. No matter what anybody says... you'll always be a prince to me. ''[He and Aladdin hug]''
:'''Sultan''': That's right. You have certainly proven your worth as far as I'm concerned! It's that law that's the problem...
:'''Jasmine''': Father...?
:'''Sultan''': Well, am I Sultan or am I Sultan? From this day forth, the princess shall marry whoever she deems worthy.
:'''Jasmine''': Him! I choose- I choose you, Aladdin.
:'''Aladdin''': Heh. Call me &quot;Al.&quot;

==Cast==
* [[w:Scott Weinger|Scott Weinger]] - Aladdin
** [[w:Brad Kane|Brad Kane]] (singing voice)
* [[Robin Williams]] - The Genie/The Narrator
** [[w:Bruce Adler|Bruce Adler]] (singing voice of Narrator)
* [[w:Jonathan Freeman (actor)|Jonathan Freeman]] - Jafar
* [[w:Linda Larkin|Linda Larkin]] - Princess Jasmine
** [[w:Lea Salonga|Lea Salonga]] (singing voice)
* [[Frank Welker]] - Abu/Cave of Wonders Guardian/Rajah
* [[w:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]] - Iago
* [[w:Douglas Seale|Douglas Seale]] - The Sultan
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Razoul/Farouk
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] - Prince Achmed/Necklace Merchant/Fish Merchant/Camel/Sheep
* [[w:Charlie Adler|Charlie Adler]] - Gazeem/Melon Merchant/Nuts Merchant
* [[w:Hal Smith (actor)|Hal Smith]] - Jafar's Horse

== About ''Aladdin'' ==

* The supporting characters are all depicted as nasty mean, people. While the Aladdin character, Jasmine and her father speak unaccented, standard Americanized English all the bad guys speak in foreign accents. The lesson is that anyone with a foreign accent is bad. This is horrendous racism.
** [[w:Don Bustany|Don Bustany]], president of L.A. chapter of the [[w:American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee|American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee]], [http://articles.latimes.com/1993-07-10/entertainment/ca-11747_1_altered-lyric &quot;Disney Will Alter Song in 'Aladdin' : Movies: Changes were agreed upon after Arab-Americans complained that some lyrics were racist. Some Arab groups are not satisfied.&quot;], quoted by David J. Fox, ''Los Angeles Times'', (1993-07-10).

* I saw something that speculates that the peddler at the beginning of 'Aladdin' is the Genie. That's true!&quot;
:* [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]], [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/aladdin-directors-actually-confirm-crazy-fan-theory_5620fab6e4b08d94253eb6f7 &quot;Aladdin Directors Actually Confirm Crazy Fan Theory&quot;], interviewed by Bill Bradley, ''Huffington Post'', (10/16/2015). 

* One of the things [directors] Ron [Clements], John [Musker], and I were talking about was that, originally, when he came in to the first session, he said, “Do you want me to do kind of an ethnic voice for the Genie?” And we said, “No, no, just be yourself.” And we realized later that “being yourself” for Robin Williams is like being 98 different characters at once. [Laughs].
:* [[w:Eric Goldberg|Eric Goldberg]] [http://moviemezzanine.com/interview-eric-goldberg-of-aladdin/ &quot;Interview Eric Goldberg of Aladdin&quot;], interviewed by ''Movie Mezzanine'', (Oct 12, 2015).

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Aladdin (1992 Disney film)}}
{{commonscat|Aladdin (1992 film)}} 
* {{Official website|http://movies.disney.com/aladdin}}
* {{IMDb title|0103639|Aladdin}}
* {{Allmovie title|1338|Aladdin}}
* {{mojo title|aladdin|Aladdin}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|1042582|Aladdin}}

[[Category:1992 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Disney's Aladdin]]
[[Category:Middle Eastern mythology]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ron Clements]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Musker]]</text>
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    <title>The Incredibles</title>
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[[File:The Incredibles logo.svg|thumb|I ''[[feel]]'' different. Is different okay?]]
'''''[[w:The Incredibles|The Incredibles]]''''' is a 2004 [[w:Academy Award|Academy Award]]-winning [[w:computer animation|computer animated]] feature film produced by [[w:Pixar Animation Studios|Pixar Animation Studios]] for [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]], centering around a family of [[w:superhero|superhero]]es. It was written and directed by [[Brad Bird]], previously best known for directing the 1999 animated film ''[[The Iron Giant]]''. ''The Incredibles'' was originally developed as a [[w:traditional animation|traditionally-animated movie]] for [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]], but after Warner shut down its feature animation division, Brad Bird moved to Pixar and took the story with him.

== Bob Parr / Mr. Incredible ==
[[File:Incredibles - Disney Stars and Motor Cars Parade.jpg|thumb|No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to ''stay'' saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;]]
* Every superhero has a [[secret]] [[identity]]. I don't know a single one who doesn't. I mean, who wants the pressure of being super [[all]] the [[time]]?

* No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to ''stay'' saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;

* Sometimes, I think I just like the [[simple]] life, you know, relax a little and raise a [[family]].

== Helen Parr / Elastigirl ==
* Of course I have a secret identity. ''[about her super-suit]'' Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on! Who'd wanna go shopping as Elastigirl? You know what I mean?

* Now, I'll tell you what we're not gonna do. We're not gonna panic, we're not gonna die.

== Lucius Best/Frozone ==
* Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. ''[whispers]'' Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightnin' babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.

* I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we're pushing our [[luck]] as it is.

* Where is my Super Suit?!

== Dash Parr ==
* ''[After a huge explosion destroys the Parrs' house]'' Does this mean we have to move again?

== Violet Parr ==
* I ''[[feel]]'' different. Is different okay? 

== Syndrome (Buddy Pine / IncrediBoy) ==
* I knew you couldn't do it, even when you've got nothing to lose. You're weak. And I've outgrown you.
* ''[has just caught the entire Parr family]'' What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[sees Helen]'' Oh, no. Elastigirl? You married Elastigirl?! ''[laughs, then looks at Violet and Dash]'' And got busy! It's a whole [[family]] of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! ''[laughs]'' This is just too good!

== Mirage ==
* ''[about Syndrome]'' He's attracted to [[power]]. So am I. It's a weakness we share.

== Edna Mode ==
* I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!
* '''''NO CAPES!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''

== Others ==
*'''Rusty''': That was totally wicked!!
*'''Kari''': Because leading experts say, [[Mozart]] makes babies smarter. I wish my parents played Mozart when I was asleep because half the time I don't even know what the heck anyone's talking about!
*'''The Underminer''': ''[last line]'' Behold: The Underminer! I am always beneath you, but [[nothing]] is beneath me! I hereby declare [[war]] against [[peace]] and [[happiness]]! Soon, all will tremble before me!

== Dialogue ==
:''[Mr. Incredible is about to go to the scene of a tour bus robbery when Buddy enters the car]''
:'''Buddy''': Cool! Ready for take-off!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': What the-- who are you?
:'''Buddy''': Well, I'm IncrediBoy!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': What? No. You're that kid from the fan club. Brophy-Br-Brody-Bu-Buddy! Buddy.
:'''Buddy''': My name is IncrediBoy.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Look, I've been nice, I've stood for photos, signed every scrap of paper you pushed at me, but this? This isn't funny.
:'''Buddy''': You don't have to worry about training me. I know all your moves, your crime-fighting style, favorite catch phrases, and everything! I am your number #1 fan!
:''[Mr. Incredible ejects him from his car and drives away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I work alone.
:'''Elastigirl''': And I think you need to be more... ''[goes through rapid series of stretch-power maneuvers]'' flexible.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Uh, are you doing anything later?
:'''Elastigirl''': I have a previous engagement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Incredible confronts a French, mime-like, clown-like super villain named Bomb Voyage]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Bomb Voyage.
:'''Voyage''': Monsieur Incroyable...! ''[Mr. Incredible...!]''
:'''Buddy''': ''[offscreen]'' And IncrediBoy!
:''[he breaks through the window.]''
:'''Voyage''': IncrediBoy?
:'''Buddy''': ''[flies up to Mr. Incredible using rocket boots]'' Hey! Hey! Aren't you curious on how I get around so fast? ''[shows Mr. Incredible his rocket boots]'' See? I have these rocket boots. And they--
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Go home, Buddy.
:'''Buddy''': What?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Now.
:'''Voyage''': Petit naïf libe...! ''[Little oaf...!]''
:''[Buddy looks at Voyage]''
:'''Buddy''': Can we talk? ''[pulls Mr. Incredible off to the side]'' You always, say, &quot;Be true to yourself.&quot;, but you never say which part of yourself to be true ''to!'' Well, I've ''finally'' figured out who I am! ''[walks up to Mr. Incredible]'' I am your ward: IncrediBoy!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': And now, you have officially gone too far, Buddy. ''[grabs Voyage before he can escape]''
:'''Buddy''': This is because I don't have powers, isn't it? Well, not every superhero has powers, y'know! You ''can'' be super without them! I invented these. ''[points to his rocket boots]'' I can fly! Can ''you'' fly?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.
:'''Voyage''': Et ton costume est complètement ridicule! ''[And your outfit is totally ridiculous!]''
:'''Buddy''': Could you just gimme one chance? Look, I'll show you! I'll go get the police!
:''[Voyage has attached a bomb to Buddy's cape; Mr. Incredible notices]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Buddy, don't!
:'''Buddy''': It'll only take a second! Really!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': No! Stop! ''[releases Voyage]'' There's a bomb! ''[grabs onto Buddy's cape]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[hands Buddy to the police]'' Take this one home. And make sure his mom knows what he's been doing.
:'''Buddy''': I can help you! You're making a mistake! ''[arrested and shoved into the police car]'' Hey!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[to the cops]'' The injured jumper. You sent paramedics?
:'''Cop''': Already picked him up.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': The blast in that building was caused by Bomb Voyage, who I caught in the act of robbing the vault. Now we might be able to nab him if we set up a perimeter.
:'''Cop''': You mean he got away?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Well, yeah. ''[gestures to Buddy in the car]'' Skippy here made sure of that.
:'''Buddy''': IncrediBoy!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': You're not affiliated with me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Huph''': Parr! You authorized payment on the Walker policy?
:'''Bob''': Somebody broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers them against...
:'''Mr. Huph''': I don't care about their coverage, Bob! Don't tell me about their coverage! Tell me how you're keeping Insuricare in the black! Tell me how that's possible with you writing checks to every Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory that gives you a phone call!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the cops burst into the jewelry store where Bob and Lucius are, Lucius reaches for a water cooler to replenish his freezing powers]''
:'''Cop''': Freeze!
:'''Lucius''': I'm thirsty.
:''[Lucius reaches for a cup of water]''
:'''Cop''': I said &quot;freeze&quot;!
:'''Lucius''': I'm just getting a drink. ''[takes the cup and drinks]''
:'''Cop''': Okay, you had your drink! Now, I want you to have it, huh, Lucius?!
:'''Lucius''': I know, I know. Freeze. ''[freezes the cop]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob''': But that's okay, because what's important is that Mommy and I are always a team. We're always united, against, uh, uh, the forces of, uh--
:'''Helen''': Pig-headed-ness?
:'''Bob''': Uh, I was gonna say, &quot;[[Evil]]&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen''': Don't even think you avoided talking about your trip to the principal's office, young man. Your father and I are still going to discuss it.
:'''Dash''': I'm not the only kid who's been sent to the office, you know.
:'''Helen''': Other kids don't have superpowers. Now, it's perfectly [[normal]] to you to —-
:'''Violet''': Normal? What do you know about &quot;normal&quot;?! What does anyone in this family know about &quot;normal&quot;?!?!
:'''Helen''': Now, wait a minute, young lady!!!!
:'''Violet''': We act normal, Mom! I wanna be normal!! The only one normal is Jack-Jack, and he's not even toilet-trained!!!!
:'''Jack-Jack''': ''[giggles]''
:'''Dash''': Lucky. ''[Helen gives him an angry look]'' I mean, about being normal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Edna shows Helen the other suits she has created for the Parrs]''
:'''Edna''': I started with the baby.
:'''Helen''': Started?
:'''Edna''': Shh! Darling! Shh! I cut it a little roomy for the free movement. The fabric is comfortable for sensitive skin ''[flamethrowers throw fire at the suit without leaving burn marks]'', and it can also withstand a temperature of over 1,000 degrees! Completely bulletproof. ''[machine guns train on the suit and empty rounds into it without causing any damage]'' And machine-washable, darling. That's a new feature.
:'''Helen''': What on earth do you think the baby will be doing?!
:'''Edna''': Well, I'm sure I don't know, darling. Luck favors the prepared. I didn't know the baby's powers, so I covered the basics.
:'''Helen''': Jack-Jack doesn't have ''any'' powers.
:'''Edna''': No? He'll look fabulous anyway. ''[moves on to Dash's suit]'' Your boy's suit I designed to withstand enormous friction without heating up or wearing out. A useful feature. ''[moves on to Violet's]'' Your daughter's suit was tricky, but I finally created a sturdy material that will disappear completely as she does. ''[moves on to Helen's new suit]'' Your suit can stretch as far as you can, without injuring yourself ''[the suit gets stretched]'', and still retain its shape. Virtually indestructible. ''[two missiles fire at the suit, but the suit sustains no damage]'' Yet it breathes like Egyptian cotton. As an extra feature, each suit contains a homing device, giving you the precise global location of the wearer at the touch of a button. ''[hands Helen one showing the tracking location of one of the suits]'' Well, darling? What do you think?
:'''Helen''': What do I think?! Bob is retired! ''I'm'' retired, our family is underground! You helped my husband resume secret hero-work behind my back?!
:'''Edna''': Well, I assumed you knew, darling! Why would he keep secrets from you?
:'''Helen''': He wouldn't. Didn't-- D-Doesn't.
:'''Edna''': ''[sighs]'' Men at Robert's age are often unstable. Prone to weakness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen''': There's plenty of leftovers you can reheat, make sure Dash does his homework, and both of you get to bed on time. I should be back tonight, late. You can be in charge that long, can't you?
:'''Violet''': Yeah, but why am I in charge, again?
:'''Helen''': Nothing. Just a little trouble with Daddy.
:'''Violet''': You mean Dad's ''in'' trouble, or Dad ''is'' the trouble?
:'''Helen''': I mean he's either in trouble, or he's going to be!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob''': Helen?
:'''Mirage''': Oh, hello. You must be Mrs. Incredible!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Violet''': ''[about to a supersuit that Dash grabbed from Helen]'' What makes you think it's special?!
:'''Dash''': I don't know, but why'd Mom try to hide it?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dash''': Are we there yet?!
:'''Bob''': We'll get there when we get there!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen''': Great. Now our kids are in danger?! I was afraid this would happen.
:'''Bob''': Well, if you suspected danger, why'd you bring them?
:'''Helen''': I didn't bring them! They stowed away! And I don't think you're striking the proper tone here!

== Taglines ==
* Save the day.

== Cast (voices) ==
* [[w:Craig T. Nelson|Craig T. Nelson]] - Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr/Mr. Incredible (voice)
* [[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]] - Helen Parr/Elastigirl (voice)
* [[w:Jason Lee (actor)|Jason Lee]] - Buddy Pine/Syndrome (voice)
* [[w:Spencer Fox|Spencer Fox]] - Dashiell &quot;Dash&quot; Parr (voice)
* [[Sarah Vowell]] - Violet Parr (voice)
* Eli Fucile and Maeve Andrews - Jack-Jack Parr (voice)
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] - Lucius Best/Frozone (voice)
* [[w:Elizabeth Pena|Elizabeth Peña]] - Mirage (voice)
* [[Brad Bird]] - Edna Mode/E-Mode (voice)
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] - Gilbert Huph (voice)
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] - The Underminer (voice)
* Bret Parker - Kari (the babysitter; voice)
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] - Rick Dicker (voice)
* Kimberly Clark - Honey Best (voice)
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] - Bernie Kropp (voice)
* Wayne Canney - Principal John Walker (voice)

== Dedication ==
* '''[[w:Frank Thomas (animator)|Frank Thomas]]'''&lt;br&gt;(1912–2004)

== Teaser Trailer ==
:''[the text puts up &quot;Walt Disney Pictures Presents&quot; and &quot;A Pixar Animation Studios Film&quot; then the camera zooms by the picture frames, then hearing a phone ringing, then Bob picks up the phone]''
:'''Telephone''': Mr. Incredible, we need your help.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[grabs the outfit, putting black shoes on, then putting long black gloves on, then putting a black mask on]'' Showtime.
:''[tries to put the belt on]''
:'''Helen''': ''[off-screen]'' Honey, come to dinner!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can't come to dinner! I've got the... I gotta go!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Maybe just a salad, and uh, yeah. Ooh, and some rice cakes!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, slamming the desk, then trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, sitting on a chair, then trying to put the belt on, stamping on the ground, then looking at the belt, then trying to put the belt on, hitting the chair]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Come on.
:''[takes a deep breath, putting the belt on, the belt breaks off of Mr. Incredible, blowing the lights out, then the title card, then the text puts up &quot;SAVE THE DAY&quot; and &quot;11 - 5 - 2004&quot;]''

== See also ==
* [[Incredibles 2]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{imdb title | id=0317705 | title=The Incredibles}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=incredibles|title=The Incredibles}}
* [http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/frodo01/the_incredibles_transcript.htm Unofficial transcript of the movie]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Incredibles, The}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Midlife crisis films]]</text>
      <sha1>cft0ekss81fimwasbixdx0nvbeptrdb</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146001</id>
      <parentid>3145987</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:16:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Cast (voices) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="15908" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:The Incredibles logo.svg|thumb|I ''[[feel]]'' different. Is different okay?]]
'''''[[w:The Incredibles|The Incredibles]]''''' is a 2004 [[w:Academy Award|Academy Award]]-winning [[w:computer animation|computer animated]] feature film produced by [[w:Pixar Animation Studios|Pixar Animation Studios]] for [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]], centering around a family of [[w:superhero|superhero]]es. It was written and directed by [[Brad Bird]], previously best known for directing the 1999 animated film ''[[The Iron Giant]]''. ''The Incredibles'' was originally developed as a [[w:traditional animation|traditionally-animated movie]] for [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]], but after Warner shut down its feature animation division, Brad Bird moved to Pixar and took the story with him.

== Bob Parr / Mr. Incredible ==
[[File:Incredibles - Disney Stars and Motor Cars Parade.jpg|thumb|No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to ''stay'' saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;]]
* Every superhero has a [[secret]] [[identity]]. I don't know a single one who doesn't. I mean, who wants the pressure of being super [[all]] the [[time]]?

* No matter how many times you save the [[world]], it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to ''stay'' saved! You know?! For a little bit. I feel like the maid: &quot;I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for, for 10 minutes?! Please?!&quot;

* Sometimes, I think I just like the [[simple]] life, you know, relax a little and raise a [[family]].

== Helen Parr / Elastigirl ==
* Of course I have a secret identity. ''[about her super-suit]'' Can you see me in this at the supermarket? Come on! Who'd wanna go shopping as Elastigirl? You know what I mean?

* Now, I'll tell you what we're not gonna do. We're not gonna panic, we're not gonna die.

== Lucius Best/Frozone ==
* Super-ladies, they're always trying to tell you their secret identity. ''[whispers]'' Think it'll strengthen the [[relationship]] or something like that. I say, &quot;Girl, I don't wanna ''[[know]]'' about your mild-mannered alter ego or anything like that.&quot; I mean, you tell me you're, uh, super-mega-ultra-lightnin' babe? That's all right with me. I'm good. I'm good.

* I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we're pushing our [[luck]] as it is.

* Where is my Super Suit?!

== Dash Parr ==
* ''[After a huge explosion destroys the Parrs' house]'' Does this mean we have to move again?

== Violet Parr ==
* I ''[[feel]]'' different. Is different okay? 

== Syndrome (Buddy Pine / IncrediBoy) ==
* I knew you couldn't do it, even when you've got nothing to lose. You're weak. And I've outgrown you.
* ''[has just caught the entire Parr family]'' What have we here? Matching uniforms? ''[sees Helen]'' Oh, no. Elastigirl? You married Elastigirl?! ''[laughs, then looks at Violet and Dash]'' And got busy! It's a whole [[family]] of Supers! Looks like I've hit the jackpot! ''[laughs]'' This is just too good!

== Mirage ==
* ''[about Syndrome]'' He's attracted to [[power]]. So am I. It's a weakness we share.

== Edna Mode ==
* I never look back, darling. It distracts from the [[now]]!
* '''''NO CAPES!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''

== Others ==
*'''Rusty''': That was totally wicked!!
*'''Kari''': Because leading experts say, [[Mozart]] makes babies smarter. I wish my parents played Mozart when I was asleep because half the time I don't even know what the heck anyone's talking about!
*'''The Underminer''': ''[last line]'' Behold: The Underminer! I am always beneath you, but [[nothing]] is beneath me! I hereby declare [[war]] against [[peace]] and [[happiness]]! Soon, all will tremble before me!

== Dialogue ==
:''[Mr. Incredible is about to go to the scene of a tour bus robbery when Buddy enters the car]''
:'''Buddy''': Cool! Ready for take-off!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': What the-- who are you?
:'''Buddy''': Well, I'm IncrediBoy!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': What? No. You're that kid from the fan club. Brophy-Br-Brody-Bu-Buddy! Buddy.
:'''Buddy''': My name is IncrediBoy.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Look, I've been nice, I've stood for photos, signed every scrap of paper you pushed at me, but this? This isn't funny.
:'''Buddy''': You don't have to worry about training me. I know all your moves, your crime-fighting style, favorite catch phrases, and everything! I am your number #1 fan!
:''[Mr. Incredible ejects him from his car and drives away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I work alone.
:'''Elastigirl''': And I think you need to be more... ''[goes through rapid series of stretch-power maneuvers]'' flexible.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Uh, are you doing anything later?
:'''Elastigirl''': I have a previous engagement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Incredible confronts a French, mime-like, clown-like super villain named Bomb Voyage]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Bomb Voyage.
:'''Voyage''': Monsieur Incroyable...! ''[Mr. Incredible...!]''
:'''Buddy''': ''[offscreen]'' And IncrediBoy!
:''[he breaks through the window.]''
:'''Voyage''': IncrediBoy?
:'''Buddy''': ''[flies up to Mr. Incredible using rocket boots]'' Hey! Hey! Aren't you curious on how I get around so fast? ''[shows Mr. Incredible his rocket boots]'' See? I have these rocket boots. And they--
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Go home, Buddy.
:'''Buddy''': What?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Now.
:'''Voyage''': Petit naïf libe...! ''[Little oaf...!]''
:''[Buddy looks at Voyage]''
:'''Buddy''': Can we talk? ''[pulls Mr. Incredible off to the side]'' You always, say, &quot;Be true to yourself.&quot;, but you never say which part of yourself to be true ''to!'' Well, I've ''finally'' figured out who I am! ''[walks up to Mr. Incredible]'' I am your ward: IncrediBoy!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': And now, you have officially gone too far, Buddy. ''[grabs Voyage before he can escape]''
:'''Buddy''': This is because I don't have powers, isn't it? Well, not every superhero has powers, y'know! You ''can'' be super without them! I invented these. ''[points to his rocket boots]'' I can fly! Can ''you'' fly?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.
:'''Voyage''': Et ton costume est complètement ridicule! ''[And your outfit is totally ridiculous!]''
:'''Buddy''': Could you just gimme one chance? Look, I'll show you! I'll go get the police!
:''[Voyage has attached a bomb to Buddy's cape; Mr. Incredible notices]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Buddy, don't!
:'''Buddy''': It'll only take a second! Really!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': No! Stop! ''[releases Voyage]'' There's a bomb! ''[grabs onto Buddy's cape]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[hands Buddy to the police]'' Take this one home. And make sure his mom knows what he's been doing.
:'''Buddy''': I can help you! You're making a mistake! ''[arrested and shoved into the police car]'' Hey!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[to the cops]'' The injured jumper. You sent paramedics?
:'''Cop''': Already picked him up.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': The blast in that building was caused by Bomb Voyage, who I caught in the act of robbing the vault. Now we might be able to nab him if we set up a perimeter.
:'''Cop''': You mean he got away?
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Well, yeah. ''[gestures to Buddy in the car]'' Skippy here made sure of that.
:'''Buddy''': IncrediBoy!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': You're not affiliated with me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Huph''': Parr! You authorized payment on the Walker policy?
:'''Bob''': Somebody broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers them against...
:'''Mr. Huph''': I don't care about their coverage, Bob! Don't tell me about their coverage! Tell me how you're keeping Insuricare in the black! Tell me how that's possible with you writing checks to every Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory that gives you a phone call!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the cops burst into the jewelry store where Bob and Lucius are, Lucius reaches for a water cooler to replenish his freezing powers]''
:'''Cop''': Freeze!
:'''Lucius''': I'm thirsty.
:''[Lucius reaches for a cup of water]''
:'''Cop''': I said &quot;freeze&quot;!
:'''Lucius''': I'm just getting a drink. ''[takes the cup and drinks]''
:'''Cop''': Okay, you had your drink! Now, I want you to have it, huh, Lucius?!
:'''Lucius''': I know, I know. Freeze. ''[freezes the cop]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob''': But that's okay, because what's important is that Mommy and I are always a team. We're always united, against, uh, uh, the forces of, uh--
:'''Helen''': Pig-headed-ness?
:'''Bob''': Uh, I was gonna say, &quot;[[Evil]]&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen''': Don't even think you avoided talking about your trip to the principal's office, young man. Your father and I are still going to discuss it.
:'''Dash''': I'm not the only kid who's been sent to the office, you know.
:'''Helen''': Other kids don't have superpowers. Now, it's perfectly [[normal]] to you to —-
:'''Violet''': Normal? What do you know about &quot;normal&quot;?! What does anyone in this family know about &quot;normal&quot;?!?!
:'''Helen''': Now, wait a minute, young lady!!!!
:'''Violet''': We act normal, Mom! I wanna be normal!! The only one normal is Jack-Jack, and he's not even toilet-trained!!!!
:'''Jack-Jack''': ''[giggles]''
:'''Dash''': Lucky. ''[Helen gives him an angry look]'' I mean, about being normal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Edna shows Helen the other suits she has created for the Parrs]''
:'''Edna''': I started with the baby.
:'''Helen''': Started?
:'''Edna''': Shh! Darling! Shh! I cut it a little roomy for the free movement. The fabric is comfortable for sensitive skin ''[flamethrowers throw fire at the suit without leaving burn marks]'', and it can also withstand a temperature of over 1,000 degrees! Completely bulletproof. ''[machine guns train on the suit and empty rounds into it without causing any damage]'' And machine-washable, darling. That's a new feature.
:'''Helen''': What on earth do you think the baby will be doing?!
:'''Edna''': Well, I'm sure I don't know, darling. Luck favors the prepared. I didn't know the baby's powers, so I covered the basics.
:'''Helen''': Jack-Jack doesn't have ''any'' powers.
:'''Edna''': No? He'll look fabulous anyway. ''[moves on to Dash's suit]'' Your boy's suit I designed to withstand enormous friction without heating up or wearing out. A useful feature. ''[moves on to Violet's]'' Your daughter's suit was tricky, but I finally created a sturdy material that will disappear completely as she does. ''[moves on to Helen's new suit]'' Your suit can stretch as far as you can, without injuring yourself ''[the suit gets stretched]'', and still retain its shape. Virtually indestructible. ''[two missiles fire at the suit, but the suit sustains no damage]'' Yet it breathes like Egyptian cotton. As an extra feature, each suit contains a homing device, giving you the precise global location of the wearer at the touch of a button. ''[hands Helen one showing the tracking location of one of the suits]'' Well, darling? What do you think?
:'''Helen''': What do I think?! Bob is retired! ''I'm'' retired, our family is underground! You helped my husband resume secret hero-work behind my back?!
:'''Edna''': Well, I assumed you knew, darling! Why would he keep secrets from you?
:'''Helen''': He wouldn't. Didn't-- D-Doesn't.
:'''Edna''': ''[sighs]'' Men at Robert's age are often unstable. Prone to weakness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen''': There's plenty of leftovers you can reheat, make sure Dash does his homework, and both of you get to bed on time. I should be back tonight, late. You can be in charge that long, can't you?
:'''Violet''': Yeah, but why am I in charge, again?
:'''Helen''': Nothing. Just a little trouble with Daddy.
:'''Violet''': You mean Dad's ''in'' trouble, or Dad ''is'' the trouble?
:'''Helen''': I mean he's either in trouble, or he's going to be!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob''': Helen?
:'''Mirage''': Oh, hello. You must be Mrs. Incredible!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Violet''': ''[about to a supersuit that Dash grabbed from Helen]'' What makes you think it's special?!
:'''Dash''': I don't know, but why'd Mom try to hide it?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dash''': Are we there yet?!
:'''Bob''': We'll get there when we get there!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen''': Great. Now our kids are in danger?! I was afraid this would happen.
:'''Bob''': Well, if you suspected danger, why'd you bring them?
:'''Helen''': I didn't bring them! They stowed away! And I don't think you're striking the proper tone here!

== Taglines ==
* Save the day.

== Cast ==
=== Voice Cast ===
* [[w:Craig T. Nelson|Craig T. Nelson]] - Robert &quot;Bob&quot; Parr/Mr. Incredible (voice)
* [[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]] - Helen Parr/Elastigirl (voice)
* [[w:Jason Lee (actor)|Jason Lee]] - Buddy Pine/Syndrome (voice)
* [[w:Spencer Fox|Spencer Fox]] - Dashiell &quot;Dash&quot; Parr (voice)
* [[Sarah Vowell]] - Violet Parr (voice)
* Eli Fucile and Maeve Andrews - Jack-Jack Parr (voice)
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] - Lucius Best/Frozone (voice)
* [[w:Elizabeth Pena|Elizabeth Peña]] - Mirage (voice)
* [[Brad Bird]] - Edna Mode/E-Mode (voice)
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] - Gilbert Huph (voice)
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] - The Underminer (voice)
* Bret Parker - Kari (the babysitter; voice)
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] - Rick Dicker (voice)
* Kimberly Clark - Honey Best (voice)
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] - Bernie Kropp (voice)
* Wayne Canney - Principal John Walker (voice)

=== Additional Voices ===
* Nicholas Bird - Rusty McAllister (voice)
* [[w:Frank Thomas (animator)|Frank Thomas - Himself]] (voice)
* [[w:Ollie Johnston|Ollie Johnston - Himself]] (voice)
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] - Jet's Automated Captain/Robotic Security Bird (voice)

== Dedication ==
* '''[[w:Frank Thomas (animator)|Frank Thomas]]'''&lt;br&gt;(1912–2004)

== Teaser Trailer ==
:''[the text puts up &quot;Walt Disney Pictures Presents&quot; and &quot;A Pixar Animation Studios Film&quot; then the camera zooms by the picture frames, then hearing a phone ringing, then Bob picks up the phone]''
:'''Telephone''': Mr. Incredible, we need your help.
:'''Mr. Incredible''': ''[grabs the outfit, putting black shoes on, then putting long black gloves on, then putting a black mask on]'' Showtime.
:''[tries to put the belt on]''
:'''Helen''': ''[off-screen]'' Honey, come to dinner!
:'''Mr. Incredible''': I can't come to dinner! I've got the... I gotta go!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Maybe just a salad, and uh, yeah. Ooh, and some rice cakes!
:''[continues trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, slamming the desk, then trying to put the belt on, then trying to put the belt on, sitting on a chair, then trying to put the belt on, stamping on the ground, then looking at the belt, then trying to put the belt on, hitting the chair]''
:'''Mr. Incredible''': Come on.
:''[takes a deep breath, putting the belt on, the belt breaks off of Mr. Incredible, blowing the lights out, then the title card, then the text puts up &quot;SAVE THE DAY&quot; and &quot;11 - 5 - 2004&quot;]''

== See also ==
* [[Incredibles 2]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{imdb title | id=0317705 | title=The Incredibles}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=incredibles|title=The Incredibles}}
* [http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/frodo01/the_incredibles_transcript.htm Unofficial transcript of the movie]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Incredibles, The}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Midlife crisis films]]</text>
      <sha1>dhvn99rhrxybjs76mayci8yqwjj944b</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends</title>
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    <id>5583</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146110</id>
      <parentid>3143900</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:26:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>67.218.18.234</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Season 5 */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="68750" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends|Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends]]''''' (2004–2009) is an American animated television series created by [[Craig McCracken]] for Cartoon Network. The series revolve around Mac and Bloo as they interact with other imaginary friends and house staff and live out their day-to-day adventures, often getting caught up in various predicaments.

==Season 1==
=== [[w:House of Bloo's|House of Bloo's]] [1.01-1.03] ===
:'''Terrence''': ''[first line of the series]'' Wait, stop! I just wanna punch you!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Terrence''': You... Bloofus! Heh ha heh ha!
:'''Bloo''': ''[stops running for what he heard in anger]'' Bloofus?! Bloofus?
:'''Mac''': His name is Blooregard Q. Kazoo, and you know it, Terrence!
:'''Bloo''': Right, right, or Blooey, Bloo the Blue Dude, El Blooderino, or hey, how 'bout just Bloo? Heh! But come on, man, Bloofus? Heh! How stupid can you get?
:'''Terrence''': Look, no STUPID imaginary friend of my STUPID little brother is gonna tell me how STUPID I am, cause I know just how STUPID I-- ''[sees Mac and Bloo are about to burst out laughing]'' SHUT UP!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Terrence''': ''[pretending to be whinny]'' Mommy, Mommy! ''[hugs his mother around her waist]'' Mac and Bloo are mean to me! I was being a good boy looking after my sweet little brother. When all of a sudden, his crazy imaginary friend, Bloo, went insane and started to tear the house apart! I tried to stop him, but when Mac joined in they started beating on me! If it wasn't for you coming home, there's no ''telling'' what they would have done to me! Oh, thank you for saving me, Mommy!
:'''Mac''': ''[shocked with anger]'' What?!
:'''Bloo''': That is ''so'' not what happened! Terrence--
:'''Mac's Mom''': Is the oldest and is in charge of this house when I am not home…
:'''Terrence''': Ha!
:'''Mac's Mom''': And I expect to him to ''act'' like the oldest and set a good example by telling the truth.
:'''Mac and Bloo''': Ha!
:'''Terrence''': But, Mommy, I ''was'' telling--
:'''Mac's Mom''': Terrence, you expect me to believe that a 13-year-old boy was overpowered by an 8-year-old and his cute little imaginary friend?
:'''Bloo''': Yeah, Mac's a wimp.
:'''Mac''': And Bloo's spineless.
:'''Terrence''': But, Mom…
:'''Mac's Mom''': ''[sighs]'' Terrence, I've had a long day, and I'm too tired to deal with your made-up sob stories. Just go to your room. ''[Terrence grumpily obeys as Mac and Bloo laugh, tease, and make faces at him]'' Mac, Bloo, that's enough.
:'''Mac''': But--
:'''Bloo''': Terrence--
:'''Mac's Mom''': Is ''not'' the only one at fault here. I'm fed up with the three of you always fighting. We need to talk.
:'''Bloo''': Okay, sure. Come on, Mac.
:'''Mac's Mom''': No, Bloo. I need to talk to Mac…''alone.''
:'''Bloo''': It's okay, Mac. I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere.
:''[Mac guiltily walks to his room with his mother as she closes the door behind her; Bloo's face then changes from happy to sad]''
:'''Mac's Mom''': Mac, now you know how tired I am of you three fighting.
:'''Mac''': But it was Terrence. He always picks on me and treats me like a baby.
:'''Mac's Mom''': And why do you think he does that?
:'''Mac''': ’Cause he's a jerk?
:'''Mac's Mom''': Well, yes, but, can you think of any other reasons?
:'''Mac''': Uhh...
:'''Mac's Mom''': Maybe because of Bloo?
:'''Mac''': Bloo? Why?
:'''Mac's Mom''': Because, Mac, you're 8-years-old, and you ''still'' have your imaginary friend.
:'''Mac''': So what? ''Lots'' of kids have their own imaginary friends. You see them every day on the streets, or in the stores. ''You'' even had one when you were little.
:'''Mac's Mom''': Yes, when I was little, but by the time when I was your age, I didn't need my imaginary friend anymore.
:'''Mac''': Who are you saying?
:''[Bloo hears and listens through the door]''
:'''Mac's Mom''': I think it's time you got ''rid'' of Bloo.
:'''Mac''': ''WHAT?!''
:'''Mac's Mom''': I'm sorry, Mac, I just think it's time. You need to grow up and be a big boy, and say goodbye to Bloo.
:'''Mac''': Yes, Mom, it's not fair! We're best friends. We'll be good. I-I-I'll keep him locked in my room! M-Mom, PLEASE!
:'''Mac's Mom''': I'm sorry, Mac, I just think it's time. You need to grow up and be a big boy, and say goodbye to Bloo.
:'''Mac''': But--
:'''Mac's Mom''': My decision is final, you have ''got'' to get rid of Bloo. I'm sorry, Mac. [opens the door and leaves as a shocked Bloo falls on the floor] Oh, sorry, Bloo.
:'''Terrence''': ''[shoots a spitwad at Bloo in the eye and snickers maliciously]'' Hasta la bye-bye.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mac and Bloo walk down the sidewalk toward the Foster house in front of the gates]''
:'''Bloo''': This is the place I was telling you about. Pretty cool, huh?
:'''Mac''': I...I don’t know, Bloo. Are you sure?
:'''Bloo''': ''[pushes the gates open]'' Totally! ''[starts walking towards the house]'' The commercial said it was some fantastical, magical place for imaginary friends who need a place to crash, hang out, and do stuff. It's gonna be great! ''[walks up to the doors and knocks]''
:'''Mac''': I guess you're right. But still.
:'''Bloo''': Mac, I know you're worried, but listen. With me living here, your mom will be happy, Terrence will leave you alone, and you can visit me every day. It's perfect! Our problems are solved!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Frankie''': ''[comes down the stairs with George Mucus, wearing a wrapped up bandage on his arm]'' Now you know why you're not supposed to run around with Scissors? Scissors? Scissors?
:'''Scissors''': ''[enters the foyer]'' Yeah?
:'''Frankie''': Scissors, what do you say?
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry.
:'''Frankie''': Okay, go play. DON'T RUN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Wilt''': Oh guys, this is Eduardo. He's one of the nicest imaginary friends here at Foster's! He couldn't hurt a fly!
:'''Eduardo''': Oh si, I'm too scared of them anyway!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Wilt''': Big, small, young, old.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[offended]'' Why, I never.
:'''Wilt''': Happy, sad, good, bad.
:'''Duchess''': ''[offended as well]'' Well, I never.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Frankie''': Mac, Bloo, Foster’s is a &quot;foster&quot; home. It's not a boarding house. If you leave Bloo here, you can't come see him, because he won't be yours anymore.
:'''Mac''': What?
:'''Frankie''': He will be put up for adoption, like everybody else here.
:'''Bloo''': ''[horrified shock]'' ADOPTION?!
:'''Wilt''': Yeah. For one reason or another, we've all been given up by our creators, and as much as we all love living here, what we really want is to be adopted by a new kid who needs an imaginary friend.
:'''Bloo''': Well then, forget it. As cool as this place is, adoption's not an option. Come on, Mac, let's go.
:'''Mac''': Wait.
:'''Bloo''': What?! Come on, Mac, ''adoption?''
:'''Mac''' I know, but what else can I do? Mom said.
:'''Bloo''': But-
:'''Mac''': But don't worry, I'm not giving you up. Just stay here until I can think of a better idea. If I come back tomorrow-
:'''Frankie''': He's still yours, but if a kid shows up and wants him, and you're not here, he will be adopted.
:'''Mac''': Okay.
:'''Bloo''': Okay? ''OKAY?!''
:'''Mac''': Don't worry, I ''will'' be here. ''[Bloo holds his arms out for a hug]'' A hug? I umm...I got these uhh, Sorry. ''[leaves]'' I'll be back. I promise!
:'''Mr. Herriman''': &quot;I'll be back.&quot; Hmpf! If I had a carrot for each time I'd heard that, I'd be such a very fat rabbit!But don't worry, Master Bloo, you look like a fine imaginary friend and will most certainly be snatched up by a new child in no time.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Frankie''': Sorry! Sorry, I got stuck in traffic. How can I help you?
:'''Millionaire Father''': My daughter is in need of an imaginary friend.
:'''Millionaire Mother''': Yes, and whenever she tried to create one of her own, she gets a headache!
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': Nuh-uh. Shut up, Mom! I just think I shouldn't waste my time making one up when I can just buy one.
:'''Frankie''': Well, having an imaginary friend is not like buying a toy. It's a big respon...
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': Ya-ya whatever. Just get me a friend, okay?! And don't give me a cheap one either. I want the best one you got. '''&lt;big&gt;YOU GOT IT?!&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''Frankie''': ''[threateningly]'' Ohh, you're gonna get it.
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': ''[shouts]'' '''&lt;big&gt;WHAT?!&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''Frankie''': Oh nothing. Nothing.
:'''Millionaire Father''': So, miss, do you have a friend for my precious little sweetie or what?
:'''Frankie''': Well, uhm. Look, at heart, most of our friends are really nice and your kid is a real... Look, how am I gonna put this. Friendship is...no, that's not it. Listen, to be honest, I really don't think we have a...
:'''Duchess''': ''[getting out of the crowd]'' Out of my way, out of my way, out of my way!
:'''Frankie''': Yes, yes! We have the perfect friend for you, precious little sweetums. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': Uhm, nice girl, cute girl. Stay away now. Go on, shoo, shoo.
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': '''''&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;SHUT UP! I LIKE YOU, YOU'RE CUTE, I'M GONNA ADOPT YOU, YOU'RE GONNA BE MY FRIEND AND I'M GONNA CALLED YOU TIFFANY! YOU GOT THAT, TIFFANY?!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Bloo''': Yes. No. What? Uhm uh. AAAAAAAAHHH!! 
:''[Bloo's call for help was soon answered when a purple blur swooped him up and away, and disappeared with him in the blink of an eye. But the millionaire girl wasn't giving up that easily]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Very well, if you just sign here, Duchess will be all yours.
:'''Frankie''': Yes!
:'''Duchess''': Yes, indeed. For you making a very wise investment. As I am a work of art.
:''[The millionaire girl appears with Bloo]''
:'''Millionaire Father''': Why, hello, sweetums. Meet your new imaginary friend.
:'''Millionaire Mother''': Duchess.
:''[Duchess smiles to make a good first impression]''
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': ''[off-screen]'' Eww, she's ugly, I hate her! ''[her sudden reaction to Duchess not only surprised Duchess, but also made Frankie try to stifle laugh]'' I want this one!
:'''Bloo''': [tries to lie] No, you don't. I smell!
:'''Wilt''': [comes in the office] Yeah, yeah, he smells, really, really bad. Whooh, he's a stinky, stinky man. ''[grabs Bloo and smells him]'' Peeehhhh-yew. ''[to Bloo]'' I'm so sorry.
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': Nuh-uh! ''[grabs Bloo and sniffs him]'' Tiffany smells nice!
:'''Bloo''': Thank you, but, but I'm a vicious monster!
:'''Eduardo''': Sí, vamos chica, vamos, he loco. ''[Eduardo acted as he let go of Bloo for him to bring out his teeth and claws as he lathed onto his upper-arm. But Eduardo wasn't hurt because of his thick fur and because he would be in a lot worse pain if Bloo was actually trying to hurt him]'' Help me, help me I am being attacked by a vicious monstro!
:'''Bloo''': ''[with his teeth still biting Eduardo]'' Rawwwr. Rawwr.
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': Look, stupid, you call this vicious?
:'''Coco''': ''[popping up from behind]'' Cocococococo! Co cocococo cococococo coco co cococo co co! Cococo cococo co CO CO!!
:'''Bloo''': Exactly!
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': ''[not understanding Coco]'' What? No I don't want any cocoa, I just want my Tiffany.
:'''Wilt, Eduardo, and Coco''': ''[get on their knees and start begging the girl to take one of them]'' No, take me!/Take me, take me!
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': No. ''[to Wilt]'' You're broken. ''[to Eduardo]'' You're a chicken, ''[to Coco]'' and you’re uh...crazy chicken! I want this one.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Very well.
:'''Wilt, Eduardo, and Coco''': ''[losing Bloo sadly]'' Noooooooo!!!
:'''Frankie''': Okay, guys, that's enough. I'm really sorry. I know you all wanna help but this little girl here really wants Tiff...I mean Bloo and...
:'''Bloo''': ''[sadly]'' Then I guess it's true. Mac doesn't want me after all.
:'''Mac''': ''[off-screen]'' Shut up. ''[in front of the doors]'' Don’t want you? What are you, crazy?!
:'''Bloo''': ''[surprised]'' Mac!
:'''Frankie''': ''[impressingly surprised]'' Well, what do you know?
:'''Bloo''': ''[gets down from Herriman's desk, blows a raspberry at the naughty spoiled girl, and rushes over to Mac]'' Do you have ''any'' what I've been through all day?! Where were you?
:'''Mac''': School.
:'''Bloo''': Oh yeah.
:'''Wilt, Eduardo, and Coco''': ''[picks the duo of friends up, and they started chanting 'Mac's back!' while marching around]'' Mac's back! Mac's back! Mac's back!
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[getting annoyed by the guys’ chanting and marching]'' Please. Stop. Please. Stop. Please stop.
:'''Frankie''': I'm sorry, sweetums, you see, Bloo is Mac's idea and since Mac's here, Bloo is no longer up for adoption. You can still have Duchess if you like. Come on, Duchess is great. Don't you want her? ''[begging]'' Take her. Take her, pleeeeaase take her.
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': NO! I hate her!
:'''Frankie''': So do I.
:'''Millionaire Father''': Come on, sweetums, maybe you can imagine your own friend, just like Tiffany.
:'''Millionaire Daughter''': Shut up, Dad. You know thinking makes my head hurt.
:'''Millionaire Mother''': Mine, too. Let's just get her another pony.
:''[The family leaves. But neither Duchess nor Frankie could believe that she was so close to finally getting adopted]''
:'''Duchess''': This is unacceptable!
:'''Frankie''': I'll say! They almost took you!
:'''Duchess''': But that wonderful awfully little brat wanted that stupid little blue creep over me.
:'''Frankie''': Tell me about it. She ruined everything.
:'''Duchess''': And he ruined my one chance to get out of this dump once and for all.
:'''Frankie''':: I know. It was a chance of a lifetime. I mean you could've been outta here forever!
:'''Duchess''': Well, I guess there is no accounting for taste. They obviously cannot appreciate a true piece of art, such as myself.
:'''Frankie''': Obviously not. And you sure are a piece of work.
:'''Duchess''': Thank you. ''[she leaves]'' 
 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Frankie watches Mac, Bloo, Wilt, Eduardo and Coco play together in the yard while Mr. Herriman deals with paperwork.]''
:'''Frankie''': I think this one is different. I don't think he's gonna abandon his friend!
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Don't be so naive, Miss Francis. It's unbecoming. You know as well as I that it is just a matter of time before young Master Mac tires of his ''beloved'' Bloo, at which time his visits will cease, and Master Bloo will be placed in the care of a new child... who will eventually tire of him, as well.
:'''Frankie''': Ugh, why do you always have to be so negative? I mean, come on! Look at that. They're absolutely inseparable! Plus, the guys have really taken to him, too.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': It's just a cruel fact of life, Miss Francis. ''Every'' child tires of their imaginary friend eventually...
:'''Frankie''': ''(leans over his shoulder and gives him a knowing grin)'' Yours didn't.
:''[She leaves, passing a portrait of Madame Foster. Herriman stops briefly, but continues working, knowing Frankie's words are true]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': ''[burst in through the doors]'' BLOO!
:'''Frankie''': He's gone, Mac. He's--
:'''Eduardo''': ''[bursts out crying]'' BEEN ADOPTED!!!
:'''Mac''': Yeah, yeah, I know, who cares? Now-
:'''Wilt''': Mac! You-You heartless jerk! Sorry, sorry. NO I'M NOT SORRY! Is that okay, that I'm not sorry?
:'''Mac''': It's fine. Now look, we gotta try and get him back 'cause--
:'''Coco''': ''[angrily interrupts squawking]'' Co co cococococo. CO- CO. Coco coco co!
:'''Frankie''': You go, girl!
:'''Coco''': Coo Co! Cocococococo. Coco coco coco. Cocococococococo coco coco co Coco co co. Coo Co! ''[short pause]'' COCO!
:'''Mac''': I assume that had something to do with &quot;If you gotta show up late, you have to accept the consequences and you friend may have been adopted and you can't get him back and responsibility and bla bla bla bla bla.” But that's just it! I'm late because the kid that adopted Bloo is a total jerk, ‘cause-
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[comes out of his office]'' Master Mac! The young man who adopted Bloo, is by no means a jerk. Ahem, excuse me, a juvenile delinquent. He was, in fact, one of the most well behaved children, I have ever had the pleasure dealing with. And furthermore, if you're going to come in late, you must accept that--
:'''Frankie''': We've already been through that.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': What? Who?
:'''Eduardo''': Coco. She explained.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': And Master Mac understood her?
:'''Wilt''': Well, yeah, he is a smart kid.
:'''Eduardo''': Sí, he create Bloo. He has good head on shoulders.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Most impressive. I guess the child is quite bright.
:'''Wilt''': Oh yeah.
:'''Eduardo''': Sí.
:'''Coco''': Coco.
:'''Frankie''': Totally.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Hm.
:'''Wilt''': Yap.
:'''Eduardo''': Muy bueno.
:'''Coco''': Coco.
:'''Frankie''': I'll say.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Ah.
:'''Wilt''': Sure is.
:'''Eduardo''': It's true.
:'''Coco''': Coco.
:'''Frankie''': Right.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Hm.
:'''Mac''': YES! Fine, we got it, I'm a super smart kid, okay? Great! But there's one thing I can't figure out. I know for a fact that Bloo was not adopted by a nice kid, but instead he was adopted by my horrible older brother, Terrence, who locked me in a closet all day, so he can come here and get Bloo. The problem is, Terrence is stupid. Not just &quot;stupid stupid&quot;, but ''really'' stupid. He'd never be able to devise a plan like this, so he must be working with somebody. Somebody who could and would wanna get rid of Bloo once and for all. But what I can't figure out is who. Who would wanna get rid of Bloo?
:'''Frankie''': '''DUCHESS!!!'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': Alright, guys! Let's Bloo this!
:''[the others make noises of disgust]''
:'''Wilt''': Aw man! I'm sorry, but that was not okay!
:'''Eduardo''': Muy stinko!
:'''Coco''': Coco!
:'''Terrence''': Lame! That was stupider than even me!
:'''Bloo''': Yeah, Mac! &quot;Let's Bloo this?&quot; C'mon, man. That's really stupid!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Frankie''': I guess Extemeasauruses don't have much of a taste for something so, ''[referring to Duchess]'' spoiled-
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[referring to Terrence]'' Rotten.

=== Store Wars [1.04] ===
:'''Frankie''': Mac! I'm so glad I found you first! You are the voice of reason among RAVING LUNATICS!

=== The Trouble with Scribbles [1.05] ===
:''[Bloo is spraying air freshener while Frankie and Mac are cleaning]''
:'''Mac''': Quit it, Bloo!
:'''Bloo''': What? I'm just trying to clean.
:'''Mac''': Spraying air freshener isn't cleaning.
:'''Bloo''': Is too! I'm cleaning the air. Cleaning and freshening.
:'''Frankie''': Well, go find some other place to clean and freshen, would ya?
:'''Bloo''': Fine, if that's how you feel about it. But don't come crying to me when your air gets all stale and filthy.
:'''Frankie''': ''[annoyed]'' I'll keep that in mind.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Herriman''': The autumn of 1984 was cold... and cruel.
:''[Fade to sepia-toned outside shot of the building in the year of 1984; A door opens and millions of scribbles come flying out of the window; Herriman, Madame Foster and young Frankie are floating amidst the swarm]''
:'''Young Frankie''': Sowwy, Mister Hewwiman.
:''[Cut back to present]''
:'''Frankie''': ''(annoyed)'' I said I was sowwy.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': &quot;Sowwy&quot; doesn't make up for the fact that we were forced to take up residence in the unicorn stables for 46 days.
:'''Madame Foster''': ''[passing through, gleefully]'' It was like camping.

=== Busted [1.06] ===
:'''Mac, Wilt, Eduardo, and Coco''': ''[to Bloo]'' Oooooooohhhhhh!!! You are ''so'' busted!
:'''Bloo''': What happened?
:'''Eduardo''': It's Madame Foster.
:'''Bloo''': What?
:'''Mac''': You busted her bust.
:'''Bloo''': What?
:'''Wilt''': Herriman's prized possession.
:'''Bloo''': What?
:'''Coco''': Coco coco coco co.
:'''Wilt''': She's right. Herriman's totally gonna kill you!
:'''Bloo''': I don't believe this. I was in the clear, man. I was gonna stand here perfectly still all day. I wouldn't have broken anything. Then you guys come along with all your no comprendo and “I don't understand”. Make me move and knock over stuff, and then what do you do? You turn on me. That stinks! Thanks a lot, guys.
:'''Wilt''': How about I say I did it?
:'''Bloo''': It's okay, guys. Forget it. It was me, all me, not you, and I'm not letting any of you take the blame. It's okay, that's it, I'm going. I'm packing up, ''[grabs a bindle]'' I'm heading out, I'm making history.
:'''Mac''': ''[stops Bloo from leaving]'' Hold on there, Hobo Joe. Maybe we can do something.
:'''Coco''': Co coco.
:'''Mac''': Fix it? How?
:'''Eduardo''': Coco ''es loco.''
:'''Bloo''': No, she's right. Don's you see? Busting this bust is gonna get me as busted as anyone can get busted. So anything bad I do from now on is nothing, and if I have to break some rules so I can fix what I busted, maybe, just maybe, I won't end up getting busted at all. Come on, time for plan A--fix it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[on the intercom]'' Miss Frances! Disaster in the kitchen! Please come immediately!
:'''Frankie''': ''[busy reversing the toilet rolls in all the bathrooms]'' YOU WANT THIS TOILET PAPER OR NOT?!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': Okay. Now, if I was Mr. Herriman and I had glue, where would I put it?
:'''Coco''': ''[points up to a small box above the office fireplace]'' Coco co?
:'''Mac''': &quot;Items for imaginary friends to NEVER, NEVER TOUCH NEVER!!!&quot; Sounds right.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Frankie accidentally breaks all of Herriman's spare busts]''
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Well, Miss Frances, rules are rules. Clean it up.
:'''Frankie''': Rules, schmules. I'm gonna clean ''YOU'' up, you crazy rabbit! COME BACK HERE AND I'LL CLEAN YOUR CLOCK!!!
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Aah! Please, Miss Frances! You know the rules! No running in the house!

=== Dinner is Swerved [1.07] ===
:'''Mac''': I... I can't...
:'''Bloo''': You can.
:'''Mac''': But...
:'''Bloo''': Try.
:'''Mac''': The red?
:'''Bloo''': No, the brown.
:'''Mac''': You mean...?
:'''Bloo''': Yes!
:'''Mac''': Oh, I...
:'''Bloo''': Good!
:'''Mac''': I think...
:'''Bloo''': Yes!
:'''Mac''': With the chips?
:'''Bloo''': Left!
:'''Mac''': Left?
:'''Bloo''': Right!
:'''Mac''': Right?
:'''Bloo''': No, left is right!
:'''Mac''': Uhh, next to the...
:'''Bloo''': Yes, yes, yes, you did it! That brown corner, left of the chips sign, next to the phone-pole, is the corner of the roof of your apartment! How cool is that?
:'''Mac''': Wow...That's...eh...real cool.
:'''Bloo''': Don't you get it? THAT is your house and you can see it from HERE!
:'''Mac''': Mhhhm
:'''Bloo''': You're stupid. You just can't appreciate the little things in life.
:'''Mac''': ''[sarcastically]'' Like the corners of apartments?
:'''Bloo''': Yes you are a stupid and terrible person because you have no appreciation for the corners of apartments.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': We went down! Not up - down!
:'''Bloo''': ''[dazed with hunger]'' This place is crazy, it's crazy. I'm so hungry, I'm crazy! Oh, look, it's the pizza man! Hi, pizza man! We're really high up, and you look like an ant!
:'''Mac''': Wait! What did you just say?
:'''Bloo''': Ant.
:'''Mac''': No, before that.
:'''Bloo''': Uh, an.
:'''Mac''': Before that.
:'''Bloo''': Um, like.
:'''Mac''': Before that.
:'''Bloo''': Look.
:'''Mac''': No, uh. 9 words before that.
:'''Bloo''': Um, hi.
:'''Mac''': And after that?
:'''Bloo''': Pizza.
:'''Mac''': And then?
:'''Bloo''': Man!
:'''Mac''': Hi, pizza man?
:'''Bloo''': ''[still dazed]'' Hello!

=== Berry Scary [1.09] ===
:'''Berry''': Hi there! I'm Berry...
:'''Bloo''': Hey, you're that girl.
:'''Berry''': How sweet of you to notice.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': Being a burden is great. It's like my... seventh favourite thing to be. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Berry''': ''[berserk with anger]'' IT'S NOT FAIR! I'm the sweetest girl in the world! and I stayed in the '''STUPID''' house with these '''STUPID PEOPLE!'''
:'''Frankie''': A little sour under that sweetness.
:'''Eduardo''': And a little loco.
:'''Berry''': So I could shower you with MY snickerdoodles, scrapbook and way with noticing. We have to do this together. This has to be OUR record. This was supposed to be OUR '''GIANT RUBBER BAND BALL OF LOVE!'''
:'''Bloo''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said anything about love, Heather?
:'''Berry''': &lt;big&gt;'''''MY NAME IS BERRY!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bloo''': Really? Because you look like a Heather to me.

=== Seeing Red / Phone Home [1.10] ===
:'''Terrence''': Okay, now it's time for you to do what you were created to do: smash Bloo! You got it?
:'''Red''': Yeah, yeah. Smash Bloo.
:'''Terrence''': That's my boy. Now go, get Bloo.
:''[Red leaves]''
:'''Terrence''': Oh, man. This is gonna to be so rad!
:'''Red''': Got Bloo.
:'''Terrence''': That was fast.
:'''Red''': ''[holds up flower]'' Smash Bloo.
:'''Terrence''': What?
:'''Red''': ''[sniffs flower]'' Mmm. Bloo smash pretty.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beagle-Puss''': ''[after seeing the man in a cell phone suit go by]'' I've heard of a mobile phone, but this is ridiculous.
:'''Bloo''': Hey, did you see a-
:'''Beagle-Puss''': I already made the joke, son.

=== Who Let the Dogs In? [1.11] ===
:'''Eduardo''': Azul? You no el perrito!
:'''Bloo''': I most certainly am not a [[w:burrito|burrito]]!

=== Bloooo [1.13] ===
:'''Bloo''': So what are we watching?
:'''Wilt''': ''[with mouth full]'' A cweacha feature.
:'''Bloo''': A &quot;kweecha feecha&quot;??
:'''Wilt''': Sowwy. ''[swallows popcorn]'' A creature feature.
:'''Eduardo''': ''[worried]'' A creature feature?
:'''Wilt''': It's okay Eduardo, don't worry.
:'''Bloo''': Yeah Ed, it's probably just some silly old movie about a silly old ghost and some silly old house on some silly old hill.
:'''Commentator on TV''': ''The Curse of the Cannibal Ghost of the Haunted House on Horror Hill''!
:'''Wilt''': Good call!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': I thought steam was supposed to unstuff me. I gotta get some air in here. ''[groans as he pulls at the chains on the window]''
:'''Eduardo''': The rattling! The terrible rattling!
:''[Bloo bursts out of the bathroom, trying to get the chains off him, and Eduardo screams]''
:'''Wilt''': It's the Cannibal Ghost!
:''[Wilt and Eduardo both scream, Wilt jumps in fright and gets his head stuck in the ceiling, Eduardo runs, and Coco comes down the hall still dressed like a ghost]''
:'''Coco''': COOOOOOOOOOOCCCOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ''[Bloo screams]'' Coco! Coco! COCO!
:'''Bloo''': Coco?
:''[Eduardo runs and screams, bursting through the walls. He bumps into a wall-like imaginary friend and gets sent flying back]''
:'''Wall Friend''': Watch where you're goin', pal!
:'' [Eduardo screams]''
:'''Wilt''': Sorry. Really. Won't happen again. Go on back to bed. Don't you worry about a thing. Everything little thing is gonna be alright, there's definitely not a- ''[Eduardo grabs him and pulls him down]'' Cannibal Ghost...
:''[Wilt and Eduardo fall and they get scared when they see Bloo draped in Coco's sheet]''
:'''Bloo''': Coco? Coco? Coco?
:'''Wilt''': Coco? It's been you this whole time, hasn't it!? Why, of all the rotten tricks to- ''[he removes the sheet, revealing Bloo underneath]''
:'''Bloo''': Oh... ''[Eduardo screams and runs. Wilt says &quot;Humuna&quot; in fright many times. Eduardo comes back, grabs Wilt and runs, and screams]'' Hey, guys... ''[sneezes]'' Wait up a sec...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Wilt''': Who you gonna call?
:'''Coco''': ''[to the tune of Ghostbusters]'' Co co-co!
:'''Wilt''': Nah, they've been out of business for years. If we' wanna save our friends from this phantom menace, we're gonna have to do it ourselves. So, how did they stop the ghost in the movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Wilt''': Now, we have to keep real quiet so the ghost won't know we're coming. So no getting spooked and all yelly, okay?
:'''Eduardo''': I don't get all yelly!
:'''Wilt''': Shh!!!
:'''Coco''':  Coco!
:''[Eduardo nods and zips his lips. Then he and his friends continue down the halls. He soon spots Bloo coming up behind them from a distance. He tries to warn Wilt and Coco, but also tries not to yell. He jumps and waves his arm, but that doesn't get their attention. Looking back, he sees Bloo getting closer. He pokes Coco and Wilt]''
:'''Wilt''': ''[whispering]'' Quit it, Eduardo!
:''[Eduardo looks back again to see Bloo wobbling as he comes closer]''
:'''Bloo''': Ohhhhhh...
:''[Eduardo pokes his friends again]''
:'''Wilt''':''[whispering]'' What is it? You better have to tell me... ''[he finally notices Bloo]'' '''''THE GHOST IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!'''''

==Season 2 ==
=== Partying is Such Sweet Soiree [2.01] ===
:'''Bloo''': ''[describing the party to Mac]'' ...and on the 6th floor, &quot;Ring Around the Rosie&quot; ''[suggestively, elbowing Mac]'' If you know what I mean!
:'''Mac''': Not really...
:'''Bloo''': Yeah, me neither.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': ''[sugar high]'' Pour some sugar on Mac! 

=== Sight for Sore Eyes / Bloo's Brothers [2.04] ===
:'''Bloo''': ''[addressing his doubles]'' I am Bloo, and you are my minions! Wahahahahaha! ''[clones laugh]'' Alone, you are nothing but cheap knockoffs of a really cool dude, but together, we are stronger than any army! And I think we all know what you must do. ''[the Bloos blink and stare at each other]'' That's right! We must sing the theme from the Ice Charades in one hundred-part harmony!!
:''[inside the community room, the other Bloos gather and sing]''
:'''Bloos''': ''[singing] Oh, Ice Charades, you're so icy and fun
:Oh, Ice Charades, it's not the &quot;capade&quot; one
:Oh, Ice Charades, every year comes to town
:Oh, Ice Charades, get your money back if a skater falls...''
:'''Comically Deep-Voiced Bloo''': ''Dooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwn.''
:'''Frankie''': ''[marches in as the song ends]'' Holy-guac-amole!
:'''Bloo''': Take five, everyone.
:'''Frankie''': Bloo - what have you done? Have you been playing with Mac's chemistry set again?!
:'''Bloo''': Yes, Frankie, yes I have. But that's not where these handsome devils came from.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': Hi, Bloo. Ready to go to the Ice Charades?
:'''Comically Deep-Voiced Bloo''': Who are you?
:'''Mac''': ''[screams and starts attacking Comically Deep-Voiced Bloo]'' Who are you and what have you done with my friend?!
:'''Bloo''': Oh, I see you've met Comically Deep-Voiced Bloo.

=== Cookie Dough [2.05] ===
:'''Bloo''': ''[through loudspeaker]'' Come and get the taste sensation that's sweeping the nation! The chocolate confection that's baked to perfection! The homemade concoction that's free of dioxin! ''[the crowd stares at Bloo]'' What, dioxins? They're any of several carcinogenic or duratogenic tetracyclic hydrocarbons that incurs impurities in petroleum-derived herbicides, like meat and dairy products. ''[the crowd continues staring]'' They're bad for you!
:''[The crowd cheers]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Frankie''': ''[deranged with a cookie addiction]'' Must stop eating cookies...such delicious sugary goodness...NEVER! ''[shoves another cookie in her mouth]'' Cookies are your friend! You shall give in to the power of the triple chocolate! I've loved them since I was a baby, and she never gave me enough. ''[eats a bunch more cookies]'' So you need to eat MORE! As many as you can! LET NO ONE STOP YOU!

=== Frankie My Dear [2.06] ===
:'''Orlando Bloo''': ''[sarcastically to Mac, beneath him]'' Don't mind if I do ''pick up a fork'' and ''eat'' some of the ''food'' that is ''on the plate on the table in front of me''!
:'''Mac''': D'ooh... ''[his hands scrabble around on the table, picks up a spoon and stabs at the steak]''
:'''Orlando Bloo''': Oh, silly me. A ''spoon can't pick up a [[w:steak|steak]]''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orlando Bloo''': So, did Frankie ever tell you how we met? Well, I was busy studying at millionaire school, learning how to be a millionaire - which was silly really, because I already made a gazillion dollars in the paddle ball business - I just wanted to get my degree. Anyway, Frankie was working at the local roller derby and I just happened to be attending the roller derby regionals, and I couldn't help but notice her. So, after the game, I went up to her and said, &quot;Hey, baby! I'm a gazillionaire!&quot;

=== Mac Daddy [2.07] ===
:'''Cheese''': ''[repeated line]'' I like [[w:chocolate milk|chocolate milk]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Madame''': Oh, he seems nice. What's his name dear?
:'''Mac''': Cheese.
:'''Madame''': What's that dear?
:'''Mac''': Cheese.
:'''Madame''': I'm sorry?
:'''Mac''': Cheese! His name is Cheese!
:'''Madame''': Oh.
:'''Bloo''': CHEESE?
:'''Cheese''': Yes.
:'''Mac''': No, not you, Cheese. Yes. Cheese.
:'''Cheese''': Yes.
:'''Mac''': Not you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Cheese pretends his toy horse is galloping up Bloo]''
:'''Bloo''': Get ''outta'' here!
:''[Cheese walks away, and then sneaks up behind them, using his horse to listen in on Mac and Bloo]''
:'''Mac''': Come on, I brought Mom's drill...
:'''Bloo''': So?
:'''Mac''': We can paint flames on the sides.
:'''Bloo''': So?
:'''Mac''': We can ride down that huge hill on Mulberry Lane...
:''[Bloo's face lights up]''
:'''Bloo''': ''[ecstatic]'' Oh, Mac, you mean it?
:'''Mac''': Of course. Just like I promised.
:'''Bloo''': Oh, Mac, you're the best kid an imaginary friend could ever ha- ''[he sees that Cheese has been putting his horse between them]'' -'''''WILL YOU GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME?!?'''''
:'''Cheese''': ''[beat]'' Now I'm a horsey!! Baaaaaaa! Baaaa, now you're a horsey! Giddyap! ''[crashes into Bloo]'' ...This floor tastes funny.
:''[Mac facepalms]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': Time for paint!
:'''Bloo''': Awesome! Super duper red [[w:hot rod|Hot Rod]] flames!
:'''Cheese''': [[w:Domestic Rabbit|Bunnie]]s!
:'''Bloo''': Hot rod flames!
:'''Cheese''': Bunnies!
:'''Bloo''': Hot rod flames!
:'''Cheese''': Bunnies!
:'''Bloo''': Hot rod flames!
:'''Cheese''': Bunnies!
:'''Bloo''': HOT ROD FLAMES!
:'''Cheese''': Bunnies.
:'''Bloo''': HOT... ROD... FLAMES!
:'''Cheese''': ''[whispers]'' ''Bunnies.''
:'''Mac''': QUIET!!
:''[scene goes to the hill, where the go kart is painted with flaming bunnies]''
:'''Bloo''': ''[while pushing go-kart up the hill]'' I don't even know you anymore!
:'''Mac''': Shut up. At least the bunnies are on fire.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cheese''': I like [[w:breakfast cereal|cereal]].
:'''Eduardo''': Oh. I like [[w:potatoes|Potatoes]]!
:'''Cheese''': I like cereal.
:'''Eduardo''': Si, and I like potatoes.
:'''Cheese''': I like cereal.
:'''Eduardo''': Si. And I like potatoes?
:'''Cheese''': I LIKE CEREAL!!
:'''Eduardo''': I like potatoes...?
:'''Cheese''': I LIKE CEREAL!!!
:''[Eduardo gives Cheese to Wilt, who is unpacking groceries from their bags and putting them in the pantry. Cheese reaches for a box of cereal]''
:'''Wilt''': Here buddy, let me help you.
:'''Cheese''': Let me do it!  ''[Wilt starts to move the cereal towards Cheese]'' Let me! ''[Wilt cautiously tries again]'' NO, LET ME!!! ''[bites Wilt]''
:'''Wilt''': OW!!
:''[Wilt gives Cheese to Coco, who is making orange juice. Cheese wants cocoa for cereal.]''
:'''Cheese''': Cocoa.
:'''Coco''': Coco coco coco?
:'''Cheese''': Cocoa!
:'''Coco''': Co, co, coco coco coco?
:'''Cheese''': COCOA!
:'''Coco''': ''[annoyed]'' Co co co co!
:'''Cheese''': ''[repeatedly]'' COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA!
:''[Coco gets annoyed and gives Cheese to Mr. Herriman, who is writing a letter]''
:'''Mr Herriman''': Can I help you?
:'''Cheese''': ''[repeatedly]'' COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA!
:'''Mr Herriman''': GOOD HEAVENS! Not ''another'' one!
:''[Mr. Herriman takes Cheese away, while Frankie is making cereal and gives Cheese at the kitchen who wants cereal]''
:'''Cheese''': COCOA!
:'''Frankie''': Oh, no. Not another one! ''[crashes]''
:''[Bloo is sitting on the couch watching tv and drinking a soda]''
:'''Frankie''': BLOO! ''[has a bowl on her head as Cheese is hanging by her shoulder and licking her]'' This is yours! ''[puts Cheese on the couch next to Bloo]'' ''YOU'' watch him!
:'''Bloo''': ''[getting an idea]'' Hey, Cheese, wanna play another game?
:'''Cheese''': I like games.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cheese''':  'Nother game, 'nother game, 'nother game, 'nother game, 'nother game, 'nother game 'nother game, 'nother game, 'nother game, 'nother game...
:'''Bloo''': ''[getting another idea]'' Hey, Cheese. You wanna play another game?
:'''Cheese''': ''[gasps]'' Yes!
:'''Bloo''': It's the most exciting, amazing, most funnest awesomest game ever.
:'''Cheese''':  Yes, yes!
:'''Bloo''': You wanna know what it's called?
:'''Cheese''':  Yes, yes, YES!
:'''Bloo''': Okay, it's called... ''[locks Cheese in the closet]'' ''&quot;Sit still and be quiet in the closet '''FOR THE REST OF ENTERNITY!!!'''&quot;'' MWHAHAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ''[runs off]''
:'''Cheese''': ''[in the closet]'' I like this game.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': ''[frantic]'' Where are you, little buddy?! Come on little bro! Speak to me! Tell me you're alright! CHEESE!!
:'''Mac''': Bloo, what's going on?
:'''Bloo''': Cheese! Speak to me! '''''SPEAK TO ME!!!!!'''''
:'''Cheese''': ''[offscreen]'' Yeah, I like potatoes.
:'''Frankie''': He was eating soap when I found him.
:'''Cheese''': Potatoes smell. Like flowers.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cheese''': I pooted.

=== Squeakerboxxx [2.08] ===
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[glaring at Bloo]'' I dislike you with great intensity.

=== Bloo Done It [2.12] ===
:''[Uncle Pockets arrives and everyone likes him, all except Bloo]''
:'''Frankie''': Sounds to me like someone's jealous!
:'''Bloo''': Not jealous, journalist. ''[Mac rolls his eyes]'' I heard that!

=== My So-Called Wife [2.13] ===
:'''Bloo''': So, do we get our super awesome jet cars now?
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[sarcastically, stretching out his head to Bloo]'' Oh, yes... they're in the mail.
:'''Bloo''': Yes!!!
:'''Mac''': Um, Bloo. I think he was being sarcastic.
:'''Bloo''': Oh. But who cares?? We're getting jet cars!! Jet cars, dude!!!
:'''Mac''': No, see, he was just saying that because it isn't true.
:'''Bloo''': So he was lying?
:'''Mac''': No, he was using sarcasm. He said the opposite to make it funny! Ha ha!
:'''Bloo''': That wasn't funny. Knock-knock jokes. Knock-knock jokes are funny.
:'''Mac''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Knock-knock jokes are hilarious.
:'''Bloo''': That's what I'm saying!
:'''Mac''': No, I was being sarcastic.
:'''Bloo''': Stop it!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': Frankie, explain sarcasm to Bloo.
:'''Frankie''': What? You don't understand sarcasm?
:'''Bloo''': No.
:'''Frankie''': But you use it all the time!
:'''Bloo''': Right. I use it ''all'' the time.
:'''Frankie''': See? You just used it!
:'''Bloo''': I did?! Sure I did, Frankie.
:'''Mac''': You're totally messing with us, aren't you?

==Season 3==
=== Camp Keep a Good Mac Down [3.03] ===
:''[on a camping trip, Wilt is stuck in quicksand as a bear has just shown up]''
:'''Madame''': Run for your lives, boys! I'll stave him off!
:'''Mac''': What about Wilt?
:'''Wilt''': Don't worry Mac. I'll probably sink before the bear gets me.

=== Duchess of Wails [3.04] ===
:'''Duchess''': ''[spits out mouth wash on Eduardo, angrily to Wilt]'' You call this pre-gargled?! It's barely foaming!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Duchess' Family''': If we adopt you, will you promise to behave?
:'''Duchess''': If you adopt me, will you promise to be less ugly?

=== Foster's Goes to Europe [3.06] ===
:'''Mac''': Is this the flight to Europe?
:'''Ticket Agent''': Yes, it is. You just made it.
:'''Mac''': We made it! We made it!
:'''Ticket Agent''': Tickets?
:'''Mac''': I've got 'em! ''[he tries to get them out of his backpack but he realizes they're not there]''
:''[later, everyone arrives home thanks to Mac for not having the tickets]''
:'''Frankie''': ''[angrily]'' Grandma, we're home!
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Oh, Master Mac. I'm most upset by your careless behavior. ''[he rips the null and void schedule into tiny bite-sized pieces]'' My schedule is null and void.
:'''Coco''': Co! Coco coco co!
:'''Edurado''': ''[imitating Paco]'' I es muy disappointed in you, Senor Mac. ''[he glares at Mac with a growl and storms off]''
:'''Wilt''': ''[upset]'' Usually, I can forgive anything, but- ''[he sniffles]'' I'm sorry. This is going to take me a while. Is that okay? ''[walks away]''
:'''Bloo''': Real nice, Mac. Do you know how long I've been looking forward to this trip? I wouldn't give it up for the world! ''[whispers]'' For the world! ''[runs off]''
:'''Mac''': ''[dumbfounded]'' But they were in my backpack! I swear!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Madame''': ''[on the plane; revealing that she had all of Mac's tickets]'' Oh, I got everything I needed out of that hug! ''[laughs]''

=== Go Goo Go [3.07] ===
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[lecturing Mac and Bloo about Goo, stretching out his head to them]'' And whenever she comes to Foster's she comes completely overstimulated and thinks and creates and imagines. Willy Nilly!
:'''Willy Nilly''': ''[rolls into the room]'' No, see, my creator's name was Kevin.
:'''Mr. Herriman''': No one asked you, Master Willy!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': ''[snapping at Goo after being barred from Foster's]'' ''I-DON'T-LIKE-YOU!'' Don't you get it? ''Nobody'' likes you! You're annoying and weird and you talk too much, and Bloo's name is not Chester, Mr. Herriman is not a badger, that's not how you play checkers, and protein doesn't come from bananas, it comes from nuts, which you don't need to eat more of because you ''are'' nuts! You're chock full of nuts! You're so nuts, you drive ''me'' nuts! ''[jumps in Goo's face]'' Get it? Getitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetitgetit?! Everybody thinks you're a nuisance and they all want you to just ''GO HOME!''

=== A Lost Claus [3.10] ===
:'''Mac''': There's no Santa. Eh... No Santa. ''[lays on his side]'' Eh... No Santa. ''[shivers]''
:'''Bloo''': This is a travesty! This is the most catastrophic, cataclysmic, cata... cata... cata-awful occurrence this world has ever known!! Do you realize what this means?!
:'''Mac''': It means that everything in the world is a lie!!! ''[sobs]''
:'''Bloo''': Um, no! It means I get one crummy gift this year! And you know it's gonna be lame because it's from Herriman! He's probably gonna get me socks! Socks Mac. SOCKS! No! No! I refuse to accept it. Santa's real! Real I tell you!
:'''Mac''': Just think about it. Nothing about Santa makes any logical sense. Man, I'm so stupid! I actually believed that a huge fat guy can get his big behind down a chimney. I totally bought at someone could miraculously travel around the world in just one night. I mean, geez! That's just so totally bogus! Even with magic deer! And as such a total bonehead, I completely fell for it that someone that lives in the North Pole has some resources to manufacture and produce brand name toys. And not get his jolly red suit... ''[Bloo slaps him]'' Ow!
:'''Bloo''': ''[shakes Mac]'' Get a hold of yourself!! I'm not going to give up Santa without a fight! And neither will you! ''[continuously shakes Mac]'' Do you hear me?!
:'''Mac''': ''[feeling dizzy]'' Yes, just stop shaking me!
:'''Bloo''': ''[drops Mac]'' Come on. We're going to conduct a few experiments.
:''[Mac walks with dizziness]''

=== Setting a President [3.12] ===
:'''Mac''': If you're just joining us, Frankie, Mr. Herriman and Bloo are all running for House President. And now, we're gonna watch the big candidate's debate.
:'''Frankie''': Well, I've been caring for imaginary friends for a long time, and over the years I've learned a few things. I've spent the time to ask you what you want. You told me you wanted bedtime to be a half-hour later - YOU GOT IT! ''[crowd of imaginary friends cheers]'' You told me you want bigger dinner portions with vegetarian options - YOU GOT IT! ''[crowd cheers again]'' You told me you want the doorbell to play Camptown Ladies - YOU GOT IT! ''[crowd cheers again]'' I'm the candidate of the people! I care about this house! I care about your needs! Whatever you need to be happy, YOU GOT IT, YOU GOT IT, YOU GOT IT!!! ''[the crowd cheers again]''
:'''Mac''': Okay, Mr. Herriman. Same question. What would you change?
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Not a thing! Everything is perfectly fine around here. ''[crowd is silent; someone coughs &quot;Loser!&quot;]''
:'''Mac''': Aaaall righty. Bloo, how about you? If you were president, what would you change?
:'''Bloo''': ''[after a long silence]'' Herriman smells like pooh! ''[the crowd cheers again]''
:'''Mr. Herriman''': But he's just mudslinging! ''[Bloo literally throws mud in his face]'' I should have seen that coming.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eduardo''': Señor Herriman?
:'''Herriman''': Well, of course it's five, you numbskull!
:'''Eduardo''': Bloo?
:'''Bloo''': You know, Ed, my opponents say 5, but I say that's not good enough! I say 6! Or 7!! Or even 42!
:'''Crowd''': WHOO-HOO! ''[cheering]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac''': Bloo, ever since you've been here, you broke a statue of Madame Foster, opened a secret door reeking havoc on everyone, uploaded a video to make an international fool out of Mr. Herriman, flooded the house, threw a party against house rules, sabatoged a date Frankie had, destroyed a beloved toy elephant, completely ruined my reputation at school, blew the roof off the house...
:'''Bloo''': Your point?

=== Room With A Feud [3.16] ===
:'''Bloo''': Whoo-hoo, I win! ''[confidently]'' He meant &quot;biggest for your size.&quot; I'm huge for my size.
:'''Wilt''': Sorry Bloo, everybody knows I'm the biggest.
:'''Eduardo''': You es the tallest. I am biggest! I have the most muscle.
:'''Wilt''': I'm sorry Ed, but that's not true. You're all fur. I'm a lean, mean, muscle machine! ''[wiggles his arms to demonstrate]'' Look at that, Look at that!
:''[Wilt proceeds to wiggle his arms out while the other friends try to imitate him.]''
:'''Eduardo''': ''[holds his arms out, but cannot wiggle them]'' I do that! I do that!
:'''Coco''': ''[stands on her head to wiggle her legs but is unable to do so]'' Cococo! Woop woop woop! Cococo!
:'''Bloo''': ''[holds his arms out while jumping in the air]'' Am I doing it? Am I doing it?
:'''Wilt''': ''[singsong mockingly]'' ''♪You can't do it, you can't do it!♪''
:'''Eduardo''': That's not muscles! I'll show you muscles!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[The friends are deciding what to do about Peanut Butter. Coco has a menacing glare]''
:'''Coco''': Coco co...
:'''Mac''': Coco... I think if we did that, we'd go to jail.
:''[Coco continues to glare evilly]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Coco''':  ''[On your marks]'' Cococo? ''[Get set]'' Coco. ''[Go]'' CO!
:''[Coco's suggestion is revealed to be a race to make an object the fastest. Coco is then seen putting her banana and pinwheel inside of the bucket and proceeds to bang on them with Tire. Eduardo and Wilt are seen still looking puzzled while Bloo is frantically see running around his items.]''
:'''Bloo''': I don't get it! What'd we do?!
:''[Wilt is now seen sticking his Pinwheel in the middle of his Tire.]''
:'''Wilt''': Is this okay?
:''[Coco is then seen peeling her banana open.]''
:'''Bloo''': Eat it?! Are we suppose to eat it?!
:''[Bloo then quickly peels open and eats his banana whole. Coco meanwhile is seen taking her banana and smearing it all over the metal contents of her tire, sticking her Pinwheel in the center of the tire, and then covering them all with her bucket. In doing so, the alarm on her stopwatch goes off and Coco gets up and runs around clucking in victory. Besides her on the opposite side is Peanut Butter, who took his items and placed them with the Bucket on the bottom, followed by the tire and smeared banana, and with the Pinwheel on top.]''
:'''Peanut Butter''': Oh, so the bucket goes on top.
:''[Bloo frustratedly shoves Peanut Butter away from the group as Coco hopes around everyone taunting them.]''
:'''Coco''': ''♪Cocococo-cococo! Cocococo-cococo! Cocococo-cococo! Cocococo-cocococo!♪''
:'''Eduardo''': That is no fair! You know the answer because you make up the game!
:'''Wilt''': Yeah, if we're gonna compete against each other, it should be a game with rules that we all know.

==Season 4==
=== Challenge of the Super Friends [4.01] ===
:'''Imaginaryman''': That's not a form to threaten your sister!
:'''Nemesis''': Or your brother!
:'''Boy''': ''[confused]'' But we're cousins.
:'''Imaginaryman''': That's not important!
:'''Nemesis''': Yeah, big dwerp! ''[blasts the boy away with an energy rainbow]''
:'''Girl''': YEAH! ''[hugs Nemesis]''
:'''Imaginaryman''': ''[saves the boy from falling into a mud pool]'' Take that, girly girls! ''[blast Nemesis and the girl with spitballs]''
:'''Nemesis and Girl''': Ouch, my hair! ''[they retreat]''
:'''Bloo''': And so, once again, the day is saved. Right, sidekick?
:'''Mac''': Sidekick? I'm not your sidekick. You're my sidekick!
:'''Bloo''': ''[scoffs]'' You wish.
:'''Eduardo''': ''[shrugs]'' Eh, I wonder what else is on.

=== Squeeze the Day [4.04] ===
:'''Weather Forecaster''': As a cold front sweeps in, you can expect showers in Spokane.
:'''Bloo''': Showers in Spokane. Spooo-Caaaahhhnn.
:'''Weather Forcaster''': Temperatures are up there, and its hot in Topeka.
:'''Bloo''': Its hoooooooot in Toooooo-Peeeee-Kaaaaaaahhhh. Its hot. Hot-hot. Hot-hot-hot. Hot. ''[breathes out]'' Haawwwwt. Hawwwwwt. Hot-hot-hottot! It's hot in Topeka! Toe-peker. I'm a toe-pick. I'm a hot toe-picker! Pick my toe-IT'S HOT! Pick my hot toe, PICK IT! Topeka's hot, my toe is hot-pick it! It's hot in Topeka. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot. IT'S HOT IN, IT'S HOT IN, IT'S HOT IN TOPEKA!...Topeka.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': ''[talking to the mirror after drawing eyebrows and a moustache on his face]'' I am Pierre Schezuan! Haw haw haw haw! I put ze ducks in Crystal Pond! ''[draws a goatee on his face]'' I am Pierre's evil brother! I steal ze ducks from Crystal Pond! ''[draws an ear on the side of his face]'' I am Pierre's third cousin! I have ze ear on ze side of my face! Haw haw haw haw haw! ''[puts on lipstick]'' I am Pierre's girlfriend! ''[starts kissing the mirror]'' Muah, muah, muah, muah, muah!
:'''Mac''': ''[walks in on Bloo, who just appears out of nowhere]'' What are you doing?
:'''Bloo''': Nothing, nothing! What are ''you'' doing?
:'''Mac''': You got something... ''[Bloo wipes face with his hands, attempting to hide what he was doing, smears lipstick and black makeup a little]'' You still got... ''[Bloo wipes face again, smears makeup substantially; beat, giving up]'' You got it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Frankie''': ''[to Mac]'' I wish I could be you, Mac. No job, no responsibilities. You will never be a child again. Don't let it pass you by. All that matters is right here, right now. Take advantage of every precious moment. This is your time to do the most awesome of awesome things.

=== Infernal Slumber [4.05] ===
:'''Mac''': Guys, you don't understand. This is ''really'' serious. My mom doesn't know I go to Foster's everyday. If she wakes up and sees you here, she'll know and she might never let me go back.
:'''Eduardo''': You mean, we never, ever see you ever again? ''[cries again after Mac shakes his head no]''
:'''Mac''': That's what I'm talking about.
:''[Eduardo covers his mouth, muffling the crying]''
:'''Bloo''': Why didn't you tell us to be quiet before?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goo''': A séance is where we conjure up spirits from the Great Beyond and talk to them like normal people, except they're not normal because they're DEAD. 
:'''Eduardo''': ''[gulp]'' Why es they dead?
:'''Goo''': Who knows? Old age, or they put a jet engine in their car, ''or'' they were attacked by possums! Oooooh! Maybe they had a piece of popcorn stuck in their throat, and they were like- ''[falls over pretending to choke and gag]''
:''[Eduardo uneasily replaces a popcorn kernel in the bowl]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[During the end credits, Mac's Mom looks at the broken roof hole in shock with Terrence at her side]''
:'''Terrence''': I didn't do it! Must've been Mac's friends, ''that's'' how they got in the house!
:'''Mac's Mom''': What friends?
:'''Terrence''': His imaginary ones. He had 'em all over last night. There was the purple Spanish one, and this red guy with one arm, and this girl and airplane-bird thing riding a bicycle all over the living room, and Bloo was back, too. Mac didn't give him up at all! ''[crosses his arms and smiles with confidence]''
:''[Slight pause]''
:'''Mac's Mom''': ''[unconvinced]'' Terrence, you're grounded.

=== Bus the Two of Us [4.07] ===
:'''Mac''': Why didn't you go to the bathroom at the gas station?
:'''Bloo''': ''[wearing plungers on feet]'' Ew! Grody! Gas station bathrooms are disgusting!
:'''Mac''': But it's not disgusting to wear... never mind.

=== The Big Cheese [4.08] ===
:'''Frankie''': ''[mumbles to Cheese to stop him from screaming]'' Rock-a-bye crazy on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will destroy. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall--
:'''Cheese''': Fall?! ''[screams]''
:'''Frankie''': Oh, geez! Okay, um... Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his--
:'''Cheese''': Broke?! ''[screams]''
:'''Eduardo''': I got this one! The itsy-bitsy spider--
:'''Cheese''': Spiders! ''[screams]''
:''[Eduardo sighs]''
:'''Frankie''': Baa, baa, black sheep, have you--
:'''Cheese''': Sheep! ''[screams]''
:'''Mac''': Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake-- 
:'''Cheese''': Cake! ''[screams]''
:'''Coco''': ''[to &quot;Three Blind Mice&quot;]'' Co-co-co, co-co-co--
:'''Cheese''': Coco! ''[screams]''
:'''Frankie''': Quick, someone think of another song! Something that's not scary!
:'''Bloo''': I got one! Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, chopped-up baby birdies' feet. Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts floating in my ice creaaaaaam. and I don't got a spoooooooon.
:'''Cheese''': No spoon! ''[screams]''
:'''Bloo''': ''[laughs]'' This is fun!

=== Bloo's the Boss [4.09] ===
:'''Bloo''': You'll see! My home will be successful, than Foster's ever was! I'll show you all! You'll see! Now, good day sirs!

=== [[w:Good Wilt Hunting|Good Wilt Hunting]] [4.12-4.13] ===
:'''Mac''': Wow! I think it's so amazing that Madame Foster hosts a reunion every five years. It means so much for the imaginary friends to see their creators every once in a while.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Wilt''': I did something terrible, it's time I set things right.
:'''Bloo''': Something...terrible?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': WILT MUST'VE ROBBED THEM! HE'S GETTING DESPERATE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': Godzilla! Wilt's creator is Godzilla!
:'''Frankie''': Will you give it a rest already?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo''': Let's try Coco!
:'''Bloo, Eduardo, Douglas, Adam, Nina and Coco''': ''[singing]'' ''Coco Coco Coco''
:''Banana fana foco foco''
:''Mee mi momo coco!''
:'''Frankie''': Let's try...'''''SHUT UP!!'''''
:''[Frankie orders to stop singing and Bloo and others continue to sing]''
:'''Bloo, Eduardo, Douglas, Adam, Nina and Coco''': ''[singing]'' ''Shut up shut up''
:''Bo butup banana''
:''fana fo futup''
:''me mi mo mutup, mutup!''
:'''Mac''': Frankie, what if we don't catch Wilt at his next stop?
:'''Frankie''': I don't know. But don't worry. We can always try for the next stop until we catch him. As long as there's a trail to follow,  we'll find him.
:''[Bloo pops up Mac and Frankie]''
:'''Bloo''': Let's try Frankie!
:'''Bloo, Eduardo, Douglas, Adam, Nina and Coco''': ''[singing again making Mac and Frankie upset]'' ''Frankie Frankie''
:''Bo benkie Banana''
:''fo fenkie!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Wilt''': Foul Larry!
:'''Foul Larry''': Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Sore Loser. You're late.
:'''Wilt''': Sorry. But I had some things to take care of.
:'''Foul Larry''': It's been 30 years since I whoop your behind. Come back for more?
:'''Wilt''': No thanks. You know what I'm here for, Foul Larry, if that's okay.

==Season 5==
=== Something Old, Something Bloo [5.04] ===
:'''Bloo:''' It's... It's... ''[Frankie smacks Bloo with a board]'' Ow!
:'''Frankie''': Bloo! I said it's time to go. Now get on the bus!
:''[Cut to Frankie and the others are trying to pull Bloo out]''
:'''Bloo:''' No! You can't make me! I'm meant to be in here! ''[Frankie and the others pull Bloo]'' It!
:'''Bloo:'''...Heaven to me...

=== The Bloo Superdude and the Magic Potato of Power [5.05] ===
:'''Slate:''' ''[to his Hispanic girlfriend]'' What was it you used to say? &quot;Usted huele muy mal&quot;. And I was the fool who believed you.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bloo:''' That all you got?
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' No, there's one more.
:''[a carrot bot runs over to Bloo, then he smashes it]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' Oh, she's not imprisoned, she just says that so people will do her chores for her.
:'''Frankie:''' So sue me.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mac:''' 'Cause it's fun? Man, what a hypocrite!

=== Schlock Star [5.06] ===
:'''Fluffer Nutter''': That's it! ''[throws drumsticks]'' There aren't going to be any shark uniforms, instrument changes, cats, or anything like that! We are &quot;Pizza party!&quot;
:'''Bloo:''' Right right. We are Pizza Party. And...?
:'''Fluffer Nutter''': No Bloo, we are! And Bloppy Pants ''is'' our singer!
:'''Bloo:''' '''''BLOPPPY PANTS?!'''''
:'''Bloppy Pants''': Um...yeah. I'm...I'm...I'm-- I'm the singer. Sorry Bloo. ''[Walks away to the Pizza Party]''
:'''Bloo:''' What are you trying to say?

=== Affair Weather Friends [5.08] ===
:'''Mac''': ''[angry at Bloo, while on a sugar rush]'' That two-timing no-good times-twoer! I know what I'm gonna do! I'll confront him! Yeah, yeah! I'll totally be all &quot;Hey, Bloo, you stink!&quot; And then Bloo will be all &quot;Oh yeah?! Well, tough beans - Barry doesn't think I stink, he thinks I smell awesome!&quot; &quot;How could you do this to me?! We were supposed to be best friends!&quot; &quot;Best friends come and go! And I'm tired of you, Barry's my best friend now!&quot; &quot;Oh yeah?! Well maybe I should just go over to that blankety-blankety Barry's house and show him a thing or two!&quot; &quot;Nah, don't bother! We're having too much fun with all the gazillions of super-awesome state-of-the-art toys! Plus, you probably couldn't find him in his ginormous mansion of expensive humongousness!&quot; &quot;But I trusted you!&quot; &quot;A leopard can't count its spots!&quot; ''[losing steam]'' &quot;A leopard can't ''change'' its spots, Bloo! A leopard can't ''change'' its spots...&quot; &quot;Yes, that's what I said...&quot;

=== Ticket to Rod [5.09] ===
:'''Bloo:''' ''[Angry at Boomer, while he has Bloo's tickets]'' You...Bono! Those are my tickets!
:'''Boomer:''' It's Boomer. And now they're mine.
:'''Bloo:''' You have to? So who are you taking please be me, please be me, please be me, please be me, please be me!
:''[Madame Foster had the keys to Boomer for a ride]''
:'''Madame Foster:''' Need a ride?
:'''Boomer:''' Yeah, cool!
:''[Boomer runs along with Madame Foster to take a ride, Bloo stampers alone in the mansion]''

=== Nightmare on Wilson Way [5.10] ===
:'''Zombie Foster:''' Eduardo, come here and safe me. I am not a Zombie yet.
:'''Eduardo:''' Paco?
:'''Bloo:''' Oh, come on, he's not that--
:''[Eduardo disappears and Zombie Foster bites Eduardo's arm]''

=== Let Your Hare Down [5.13] ===
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' Blue Blazes!
:''[Mr Herriman is suprised and sees Bloo in his bed]''
:'''Bloo:''' And so it begins. ''[Bloo puts Mr. Herriman in a sack and kidnaps him]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' ''[after hanging out with Bloo at Tijuana at top of the rock]'' So Master Blooregard, are you ready to relent allow me return to Fosters' and my beloved binky back?
:'''Bloo:''' No! I can break you... I know I can!
:''[Bloo faces Mr. Herriman]'' 
:'''Bloo:''' You will have fun even if it he kills me!
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' Oh now you've gone too far, as much as I've disliked our extended excursion, I do not wish you to sacrifice yourself in order to please me.
:'''Bloo:'''  It is an expression geez! you take everything you do seriously! You take yourself way to seriously, you need to learn how to laugh at yourself.

==Season 6 ==
=== Pranks for Nothing [6.03] ===
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' '''''YOU!'''''
:'''Bloo:''' Me?!
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' I should have known you would have been up no good, Master Blooregard!
:'''Bloo:''' Me?! But it was all ''them!'' '''They''' pulled a '''''PRANK ON ME!''''' I'm totally innocent!
:''[Points Wilt, Eduardo and Coco watching TV]'' 
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' Oh please Master Blooregard, these three never do anything wrong unless ''you'' make them.
:''[Mr. Herriman faces Bloo]'' 
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' You expect me to believe ''they're'' the cause of this?!
:''[Cut to Wilt, Eduardo and Coco watching TV]'' 
:'''Bloo:''' Yes! I didn't do anything! I'm totally innocent!
:''[door knocks Mr. Herriman opens a door to a room service for Bloo]''
:'''Servicer:''' Room Service for Bloo?
:'''Mr. Herriman:''' '''''THAT DOES IT!!''''' ''[takes Bloo to somewhere]'' I am putting you someplace where you can cause no more tomfoolery!
:'''Bloo:''' You got it all wrong! It was them... them I'm telling you!

=== Bloo Tube [6.04] ===
:'''Mac''': ''[laughs after seeing this on YouTube]'' Hahaha. Works every time.
:'''Frankie''': Come on, Mac, let's go.
:'''Mac''': See you later, Bloo. Light off, right?
:'''Bloo''': Ow.
:'''Everybody''': Water Park! WOOOOOO!

=== Race for Your Life, Mac and Bloo [6.05] ===
:'''Bloo''': Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Foster's?
:'''Old Man''': Whazzat?
:'''Bloo''': Foster's! I need to get to Foster's!
:'''Old Man''': Flatsberg's, ya say?
:'''Bloo''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Foster's! Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends!!
:'''Old Man''': Flatsberg's Cone for Mackinary Hens?
:'''Bloo''': Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends!!!
:'''Old Man''': Flatsberg's Gnome Floor in Mackin' Harry's Pants?!
:'''Bloo''': Foster's!!! Home!!! For!!! Imaginary!!! Friends!!!
:'''Old Man''': Flatsberg's Foamy Foreign Asian Gary's Plans??!
:'''Bloo''': Foster's.
:'''Old Man''': Flatsberg's.
:'''Bloo''': Home!
:'''Old Man''': Dome!
:'''Bloo''': For!!
:'''Old Man''': Wharf!!
:'''Bloo''': Imaginary!!!
:'''Old Man''': Engaged Blueberry!!!
:'''Bloo''': FRIENDS!!!!
:'''Old Man''': Soup!!!!

=== [[w:Destination: Imagination|Destination: Imagination]] [6.06-6.08] ===
:'''Bloo''': ''[after throwing Lego-like bricks at the police]'' [[w:Weeble|These people wobble but they don't fall down]]!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Herriman''': ''[over the speaker, which startled Frankie out of bed]'' Miss Frances. It’s 6:33 A.M. You’re late.
:''[In the hallways, Frankie is walking to a bedroom door, knocking on it, and reminding imaginary friends to wake up]''
:'''Frankie''': Rise and shine, Murphy and Durphy. Breakfast in 10. ''[closes the door, walks to and knocks on another, and wakes up other imaginary friends]'' Morning, Clambake, Cy, and Jimmy Shoes. Almost time for breakfast.
:'''Cy''': ''[inside of the bedroom]'' Uh, Frankie...
:'''Frankie''': No worries. Saw you ran out last night. ''[throws a roll of toilet paper in the room off-screen and closes the door]''
:''[We now see the outside window views of Frankie walking to another door]''
:'''Flutter Nutter''': ''[inside of the bedroom]'' Uh, Frankie...
:'''Frankie''': ''[interrupts]'' Clean socks... Don’t match. Told you I wouldn’t forget. ''[closes the door, walks to and knocks on another, and wakes up another friend]'' Good morning, Jackie. Got your eyedrops.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Good heavens! What's happening?
:'''Bloo''': You peeved him off, that's what's happening!!
:''[World's castle is about to fall down, lava erupts, Frankie and the others escape to World's Imagination]''
:'''World''': ''NO!'' '''''NOOOOOOOO!!!''''' '''''GIVE HER BACK TO ME!!'''''
:''[Frankie and the others are running and turns into dissorted backgrounds, shapes, colors and patterns]'' 
:'''World''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!''''' ''[turns background into shapes and nightmares]'' ''''SHE HAS TO STAY!!'''' '''''WITHOUT HER MY WORLD IS EMPTY!!!''''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''AND I'M NOTHING!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[turns the background into white while the others running]''
:'''Bloo''': Yeah great! Are we even getting anywhere?!
:'''Mac''': I don't know! Just keep running!
:'''Eduardo''': Look!
:''[Frankie spots a scribbled tree]''
:'''Frankie''': Yes! This is the tree I wrote on when I first got! That means the entrance to...''[points the entrance where Frankie was fallen]''
:'''All''': Up there!
:''[Frankie uses Herriman to climb the tree]''
:'''Mr. Herriman''': Well I never!
:'''Frankie''': Oh, yes you will!
:'''Eduardo''': Ay-Yi-Yi! Why do I always have on the bottom?!
:''[Frankie and the others are climbing to reach the entrance]''
:'''Mac''': Just a little higher...
:'''Frankie''': We're gonna make it! We're gonna make it!
:'''World''':''[echoing]'' '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!''''' '''''YOU CAN'T TAKE HER!!!''''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;''''' I WON'T LET YOU!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

=== The Bloo Superdude and the Great Creator of Everything's Awesome Ceremony of Fun That He's Not Invited To [6.09] ===
:'''Bloo''': Hey, leave that alone!
:''[Frankie's goons are using Bloo Superdude's armor]''
:'''Bloo''': You! Put that down! It's not under warranty anymore! ''[Frankie stirs the potion]'' Why can't you just let make presence known &quot;The Great Creator of Everything?&quot;  He'll be expecting me. Pretty please? With sugar on top?
:'''Frankie''': Sugar on top? Okay! ''[Frankie drips the sugar on the poison]''
:'''Bloo''': What is that?

=== Fools and Regulations [6.12] ===
:'''Eduardo''': Fire! There is a fire! FRANKIE!! THERE IS A FI--
:'''Bloo''': ''[hops onto Ed to stop him]'' Are you crazy?! Frankie told us we have to be quiet!
:'''Wilt''': Don't worry! I'll put it out! ''[he runs down the hallway, sees a fire extinquisher, and reads the sign above the Extinquisher]' &quot;Break in case of an emergency&quot; Well, I guess this is an emergency. I mean, unless something else happens and it's a bigger emergency, and we should break the glass, then...
:'''Coco''': ''[impatiantly]'' Co coco! ''[she grabs the mallet next to the extinquisher ready to break the glass, but is stopped by Bloo.]''
:'''Bloo''': Break glass? Are you crazy?! That's gonna be way too loud!
:'''Coco''': ''[panicked]'' Coco cococo co co co!
:'''Eduardo''': Water! Water is muy quiet to put out the fire!
:''[Bloo and the others run to a nearby bathroom and prepare to turn on the shower to fill up a bucket of water. However, when they hear how loud the shower is starting up, they hush Ed to lower his intensity. Unfortunately, the shower is too loud and Eduardo is forced to turn it off.]''
:'''Eduardo''': The pipes, they have no inside voices!
:''[Suddenly, a loud beeping is heard and the guys run back to their room to see where it's coming from. Wilt looks up to see that their dmoke detector has gone off.]''
:'''Wilt''': It's the smoke detector!
:''[Bloo hops onto Coco, while Coco is lifted onto Wilt's Shoulders, while Eduardo lifts Wilt onto his own shoulders. With Bloo at the top, he manages to turn off the smoke detector from making anymore noise. Jackie Khones comes in to see the fire in their room, he is eating a sandwich.]''
:'''Jackie''': You got a fire in your room.
:'''Bloo, Wilt, Coco, &amp; Edurado''': ''[silently]'' WE KNOW!!
:'''Jackie''': Okay.

=== Goodbye to Bloo [6.13] ===
:'''Wilt''': ''[repeated line]'' I'm sorry, but this is NOT okay!
:''[the show ends with the house slowly being erased as the beginning of the show's theme song plays in reverse]''
:'''Cheese''': ''[last lines; offscreen]'' Okay, bye doggies!

==Cast==
* Mac (voiced by {{w|Sean Marquette}})
* Bloo (voiced by [[w:Keith Ferguson (voice actor)|Keith Ferguson]])
* Wilt (voiced by {{w|Phil LaMarr}})
* Eduardo (voiced by {{w|Tom Kenny}})
* Coco and Madame Foster (voiced by {{w|Candi Milo}})
* Frances &quot;Frankie&quot; Foster (voiced by {{w|Grey DeLisle-Griffin}})
* Mr. Herriman (voiced by {{w|Tom Kane}})
* Madame Foster (voiced by {{w|Candi Milo}})

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated drama TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about birds]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:TV shows about chickens]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about rabbits and hares]]</text>
      <sha1>61hnrjqlsmk7icb5cz4m99n3wwv43i9</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Mr. T</title>
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      <id>3146077</id>
      <parentid>2961153</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:38:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2600:1002:B136:8A7:89A9:1566:6461:A827</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes from acting */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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[[File:Mr T WWE Hall of Fame 2014 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Mr. T]]
{{people-cleanup|2006-11-23}}

'''[[w:Mr. T|Mr. T]]''' (born '''Laurence Tureaud''' on [[May 21]], [[1952]]) is an actor principally known for his roles in the 1980s television series [[w:The A-Team|The A-Team]] and as boxer James &quot;Clubber&quot; Lang in the 1982 film [[w:Rocky III|Rocky III]].
&lt;div style=&quot;text-align: center&quot;&gt;'''I pity the foo'...'''&lt;/div&gt;

== Quotes ==
*I didn't just start doing this today. Not like some people that have a movie coming out, so they go visit kids in the hospital. You don't need that phony crap. All of these celebrities, they turn my stomach with their funny stuff. I've been going in the ghettos without the press, without bodyguards, talking to kids. &quot;Get to reading, stay in school. You don't have to carry a gun.&quot; I know about peer pressure and all that, but I say, &quot;Hey, they called me a sissy because I wouldn't join a gang. Who was calling me a sissy? Does it make me a sissy because somebody called me a sissy?&quot; ''[...]'' I'm going to fight if you touch me or hurt me or do harm to my family. But if you call me a bad name, or whatnot, I'm too smart for that. That's the message the kids need to hear coming from me. I tell them, &quot;If I fought every time somebody called me a name, I would never get out of jail. But I'm disciplined. I'm smarter than that.&quot; So I tell them, like my mother said, &quot;Consider the source.&quot; When you see who called you the name, then you understand why they're doing it. Then you don't have to stoop that low.

*See, if I come into a black neighborhood and say, &quot;Thanks for watching my show,&quot; and give out high fives and all that, I'm not doing no good. I go out and see a kid grabbing his crotch. Ain't nobody telling them that. Where do they get it from? They watch MTV. I say, &quot;If you wash up more often, you won't have to grab your crotch.&quot; I'm telling these guys, &quot;Why you gotta grab your crotch?&quot; Then you see Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch 50 times. What's with him?

*Everything started as a dream. You gotta have insight, know what you want. You gotta have a plan. Like I tell anybody, if you fail to plan, you're planning to fail. I've been planning ever since I was a youngster. You've got to start from somewhere. There's nothing wrong or demeaning in flipping burgers. It's more proud than selling drugs.

*We didn't starve. We spent wisely. Like I tell people in the ghetto, &quot;If you can buy guns and bullets, why can't you buy food? You can buy heroin and crack cocaine, so why can't you buy bread and butter and milk? Why can't you pay your rent?&quot; There's a lot of people in the ghetto who go out and get a fancy car and all that. The car costs more than their house. Meanwhile, your kids need shoes. That's not cool.
**''The Onion A.V. Club'', June 26th, 2002

=== ''Silver Spoons'' (1982)===
*First name Mr, middle name 'period', last name T!

=== ''Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool'' (1984) ===
*Do you know me? Of course you do. 'Cause I'm famous!

*Hey, you with the teeth...

*Hey, everybody gotta’ put on clothes and if you don’t you get arrested.

*[[w:Calvin Klein|Calvin Klein]] and [[w:Gloria Vanderbilt|Gloria Vanderbilt]] don't wear clothes with your name on it, so why should you wear their name?

*Anger - use it, but don't lose it!

=== ''Snickers Advert'' (2007) ===
*Quit yo Jibber-jabber! You ain't hurt, yo pathetic!, Argh! If I ever catch you acting like a crazy fool again, you're gonna meet my friend pain! Snickers, get some nuts!
*SPEEDWALKING?! I pity you fool! You a disgrace to the man race! It's time to run like a real man! Take that speedwalker! Do it again sucker, and there's going to be trouble! With a capital Mr.T! Snickers, get some nuts!
* Yo makin' me mad sucker, cold water never hurt nobody! It's time to get in da pool, 'cause you're goin' swimmin', fool! TAKE THAT, TOEDIPPER! Argh! Argh! I hate flying, so this had better be the last time I see yo cryin'! Snickers, get some nuts!

=== ''World of Warcraft Advert'' (2007) ===

*Shut up, fool!

*Mr. T has the greatest hair in the world. You can't deny it, it's been proven by science, fool!

*Well, maybe Mr. T hacked the game and created a Mohawk class! Maybe, Mr. T's pretty handy with computers! Had that occurred to you, Mr. &quot;Condescending&quot; Director?!

*I'm Mr. T and I'm a &quot;Night Elf Mohawk&quot;! What's YOUR game?

*I ain't no computer hacker!

== Attributed ==
*As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal.

*I pity the fool who drinks soy milk.

*I believe in the Golden Rule - The Man with the Gold... rules.

*For 5 years Mr. T disappeared. Fools went unpitied and Jibba-Jabba went unchallenged!
**''On his fight with cancer''

*It takes a smart guy to play dumb.
**Response to the question &quot;Are you as thick as BA?&quot; at a press conference.

*People ask me what the &quot;T&quot; stands for in my name. If you're a man, the &quot;T&quot; stands for tough. If you're a woman or child, it stands for tender!

*I remember one time I tried to pity this fool. He told me his name was Jeff. He was married. He pulled out his wallet and showed me three pictures of his kids; Kelly, Robert, Brittany. Real cute kids. Don't get too close man. It's hard to pity a fool if you get too close.

*I pity the university for not giving T enough time. You know I got all duded up, got dressed, the students were all ready for me, then they gave me short time. So I pity them. So if they want to be unpitied, they'll invite me back and give me more time.
**Speech at UCLA, May 9, 2002.

*I think about my father being called 'boy,' my uncle being called 'boy,' my brother, coming back from Vietnam and being called 'boy.' So I questioned myself: 'What does a black man have to do before he's given the respect as a man?' So when I was 18 years old, when I was old enough to fight and die for my country, old enough to drink, old enough to vote, I said I was old enough to be called a man. I self-ordained myself Mr. T so the first word out of everybody's mouth is 'Mr.' That's a sign of respect that my father didn't get, that my brother didn't get, that my mother didn't get.

*You're going through college, and you're going to be faced with a lot of things. You're going to face adversity, the main thing is don't quit. For many people it's easy to quit, but don't. That's what separates the winners from the losers, what separates the all-stars from the also-rans.

*I wanted to win to feed the hungry people of my community. I didn't want to win to buy a diamond – I didn't have no diamonds then. I didn't want to win to buy a car, I didn't want to win to bring a couple of chicks downtown to a hotel. I wanted to win to feed the poor people of the community.
**On winning the America's Toughest Bouncer contest.

*I tell people that I was born and raised in the ghetto, but the ghetto was not born and raised in me.

*When you see me now, I'm nothing but a big overgrown tough mama's boy. And I speak that with glee because the problem with society is we don't have enough mama's boys.

*I said &quot;Hell no, because you didn't find a weapon; or if that's the charge you would have to lock me up because my hands and feet are deadly weapons.&quot;

* I'm not perfect, I'm not an angel, but I try to live a certain way because it brings honour and respect to my mother. I tell people that when they look at me, they're looking at nothing but a big, overgrown, tough mama's boy. That's who I am.

* People ask what gives me the authority to give advice? I say, First of all, I don't give advice. Dr Phil gives advice. Mr T helps people. I motivate them, I inspire them, I give them hope, and I plant the seed so they can feel good about themselves.

*&quot;You've got to testify! Tell somebody about it. God is good!&quot; &quot;I pity the fool that don't get it.&quot; - Mr. T going for Jury Duty.
 Source: &quot;'I pity the fool': Mr T on jury duty&quot; 28 April 2009 by Cheryl V. Jackson Chicago Sun Times https://www.pressreader.com/usa/chicago-sun-times/20090428/281651071050776

== About ==
*You don't rehearse Mr. T, you just turn him loose.
**[[Sylvester Stallone]].

==Quotes from acting==

*Hey, sucka!

*Shut up Murdock, crazy fool!

*I ain't getting on no plane, Hannibal!

*Where's the meat? This sandwich is full of weeds! I don't eat nothing I don't know!

*I got no time for the jibba-jabba.

*Don't make me mad, Arrr!

*I'm on a real short leash here, and I'm tired of your crazy rap!

*I pity the fool, thug, or soul who tries to take over the world.

*Shut up, fool!

*What!?! Idiot shot the tires on my van!!

*Hannibal is on the jazz.
*Be there!
**[[w:Be There|NBC promotional spot]], 1983

*Mother, There is No Other. Like Mother So treat Her right, treat Her right.

*Mother, I always Love Her. My Mother. So treat Her right, treat Her right.

*It's a crack baby....FOOL
**''Mr.T and the T-Force'', Issue 1

*I pity [[W:Dustin_Diamond#Screech_from_Saved_by_the_Bell|Screech]], because everybody pitied Screech. --''[[w:NBC|NBC]] 75th Anniversary Special''

*I pity that chump [[Conan O'Brien]].
**On the Conan O'Brien show.

* Take it from me...Mr.T

* Eight out of twenty?!? That's only a third, and third rhymes with Turd! That's bad.

* Love is a verb... and Verbs show action

* You gonna lose a deal over $35? Thats chump change! My lunch cost $35!

*Hey fool, this ain't no football game! (A-Team)

*I don't hate fools, I pity them! (I pity the fool)

*Life's tough, but I'm tougher! (I pity the fool)

*The jibba jabba stops here! (I pity the fool)

*Teachin' fools some basic rules! (I pity the fool)

*You got to believe in the ball, and throw your self. (Not Another Teen Movie)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
*[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001558/ IMDb Profile]

{{DEFAULTSORT:T, Mr.}}
[[Category:Actors from the United States]]
[[Category:Wrestlers]]
[[Category:People from Chicago]]
[[Category:1952 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Monsters, Inc.</title>
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      <contributor>
        <ip>2601:154:C47F:A080:7C64:A6F5:7197:B043</ip>
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      <text bytes="12687" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Monsters, Inc. logo.svg|thumb]]
'''''[[w:Monsters, Inc.|Monsters, Inc.]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001]] computer animated feature film in which, in order to power the city, monsters have to scare children so that they scream. However, the children are toxic to the monsters, and after a child gets through, two monsters realize things may not be what they think.
:''Directed by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]]. Written by [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Daniel Gerson|Daniel Gerson]], based on a story by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]], [[w:Jill Culton|Jill Culton]], [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]], and [[w:Ralph Eggleston|Ralph Eggleston]]''
&lt;center&gt;'''Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/center&gt;

== James P. &quot;Sulley&quot; Sullivan ==
* ''[to Mike; silently]'' Ook-lay in the ag-bay.
* Spoons.

== Mike Wazowski ==
* ''[while Sulley brushes his teeth]'' Come on, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque!

* ''[chants]'' I don't know, but it's been said. I love scaring kids in bed!

* Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like...Listen, I need a favor.

* I'm tellin’ you, pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?

== Randall Boggs ==
* ''[after whacking Sulley with a scream canister]'' You don't know how long I've wanted to do that, Sullivan!

* ''[about to dispose of Sulley]'' Look at everybody's favorite scarer now, you stupid pathetic waste. You've been #1 for too long, Sullivan! Now your time is up! And don't worry. I'll take good care of the kid.

== Henry J. Waternoose ==
* There's nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you! Leave a door open, and one can walk right into this factory. Right into the monster world!

* Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to.

* ''[taken away by the C.D.A.]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. You've destroyed this company! Monsters Incorporated is dead! Where will everyone get their scream now?! The energy crisis will only get worse because of you!!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Mike''': I'm tellin’ you, big daddy, you're gonna be seein’ this face on TV a lot more often.
:'''Sulley''': Yeah, like on &quot;Monstropolis' Most Wanted&quot;?
:'''Mike''': Ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Sulley has insisted on walking to work]''
:'''Mike''': You wanna know why I bought the car, Sulley?
:'''Sulley''': Not really.
:'''Mike''': To drive it! You know, like on the street, with the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking involved?
:'''Sulley''': Wa, wa, wa, wa. Will you give it a rest, butterball? Come on, you could use the exercise.
:'''Mike''': '''''I''''' could use the exercise?! Look at you! You have your own '''''climate'''''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Celia''': So, uh... are we going anywhere special tonight?
:'''Mike''': I just got us into a little place called, um... '''''Harryhausen's'''''.
:'''Celia''': '''''Harryhausen's?!''''' But it's impossible to get a reservation there.
:'''Mike''': '''''Not''''' for Googlie Bear. I will see you at quittin’ time, and not a minute later.
:'''Celia''': Okay, sweetheart.
:'''Mike''': Think romantical thoughts. ''[singing]'' You and me, me and you, both of us together!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike''': Can I borrow your odorant?
:'''Sulley''': Yeah, I got, uh, smelly garbage or old dumpster.
:'''Mike''': You got, uh, low tide?
:'''Sulley''': No.
:'''Mike''': How about wet dog?
:'''Sulley''': Yep. Stink it up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike''': ''[to Sulley]'' Y’know, sometimes I feel so romantic, I think I should just marry myself!
:'''Sulley''': Give me a break, Mike...
:'''Mike''': What a night of romance I've got aheada me! Tonight is about me and Celia! Hoo-hoo, the loveboat is about to set sail! ''[imitates the sound of a ship’s horn]'' I'm tellin’ ya, pal, I see her face and it makes my heart go-- ''[finds himself face-to-face with Roz]'' '''''YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Roz''': ''[sternly]'' Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight?
:'''Mike''': Well, as a matter of fact--
:'''Roz''': And I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly.... for once!! ''[silence]'' Your stunned silence is very reassuring! ''[leaves]''
:'''Mike''': Oh, no, my scare reports! I left them on my desk! If I'm not at the restaurant in five minutes, they're gonna give our table away, what am I gonna tell… ''[Celia comes up to Mike]'' Schmoopsie-Pooh.
:'''Celia''': Hey Googlie-Bear, wanna get going?
:'''Mike''': Do I ever? It's just that... Uh...
:'''Celia''': What?
:'''Mike''': There's a small--
:'''Celia''': I don't understand.
:'''Sulley''': It's just I forgot about some paperwork I was supposed to file! Mike was reminding me; thanks, buddy.
:'''Mike''': I was? I mean, I was! Yeah, I was.
:'''Celia''': Okay, let's go then.
:'''Mike''': We're going! ''[whispering to Sulley]'' On my desk, Sulley. The pink copies go to accounting, the fuchsia ones go to purchasing, and the goldenrod ones go to Roz. ''[Celia pulls him away; he comes back]'' Leave the puce! ''[gets pulled away again]''
:''[Later]''
:'''Sulley''': ''[to himself]'' So the pink copies go to purchasing, and the fuchsia ones go to Roz. No, the fuchsia ones go to purchasing and the goldenrod ones go to Roz. Man, I have no idea what puce is... ''[looks at some reddish-brown files]'' Oh, that's puce.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Celia''': Oh, Michael, I've had a lot of birthdays, well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday ever. What are you looking at?
:'''Mike''': I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked.
:'''Celia''': Stop it.
:'''Mike''': Your hair was shorter then.
:'''Celia''': Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut. ''[the snakes in her hair look worried]''
:'''Mike''': No, no, I like it this length. ''[the snakes sigh in relief]'' I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful monster was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said?
:'''Celia''': What did you say?
:'''Mike''': I said-- ''[sees Sulley trying to get his attention]'' Sulley?!
:'''Celia''': Sulley?!?!

&lt;hr width=50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike''': Sulley, the bear! The bear! Give her the bear! '''''WWWWWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Randall''': Wazowski! Where's the kid, you little one-eyed crettin?!
:'''Mike''': Okay. First of all, it's crettin! If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping me is gonna help you cheat your way to the top!
:'''Randall''': ''[chuckles nastily]'' You still think this is about that stupid scare record?
:'''Mike''': Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled, like that... and now I'm thinkin’ I should just get out of here.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sulley''': ''[is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball]'' Mike?
:'''Mike''': Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid.
:'''Sulley''': Mike, you don't understand.
:'''Mike''': Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there.
:'''Sulley''': I'm being attacked!
:'''Mike''': No, I'm not attacking you. I'm trying to be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a '''''team'''''. Nothing is more important than our friendship.
:''[Boo approaches Mike, frightened]''
:'''Mike''': I know, kid. He's too sensitive.
:''[Randall presses Sulley into a pipe and coils himself around his neck in an attempt to asphyxiate him. Sulley squeals in agony as he tries to pry Randall off his neck]''
:'''Mike''': Come on, pal. If you start cryin’, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now.
:''[Boo whines in terror]''
:'''Mike''': Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. The least you can do is pay attention!
:''[Mike throws a snowball; it hits Randall on the face, making him visible enough for Sulley to knock him out with a single punch, making him uncoil and slide onto the floor. Sulley catches his breath]''
:'''Mike''': Hey, look at that, it's Randall. It's... Oh.
:'''Sulley''': Come on!
:''[Sulley scoops Boo in his right arm, grabs Mike by the head with his left hand, and flees from the laboratory. Waternoose pops his head from behind the wall as Randall regains his composure]''
:'''Waternoose''': Get up! There can't be any witnesses.
:'''Randall''': There won't be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waternoose''': This has gone far enough, James!
:'''Sulley''': She's home now! Just leave her alone!
:'''Waternoose''': I can't do that! She's seen too much! You '''''both''''' have!
:'''Sulley''': It doesn't have to be this way!
:'''Waternoose''': I have no choice! Times have changed! Scaring isn't enough anymore!
:'''Sulley''': But kidnapping children?!
:'''Waternoose''': I'll kidnap a '''''thousand''''' children before I let this company die! And I'll silence '''''ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY!!''''' ''[knocks Sulley out of the way]''
:'''Sulley''': '''''NO!!!!'''''
:''[Waternoose lunges at the bed, only to find the simulator robot]''
:'''Voice''': Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated.
:'''Waternoose''': ''[confused]'' Huh?! What is this?! But...! What?! What?! But...! 
:''[the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room; Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console]''
:'''Mike''': Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we? ''[replays the tape of Waternoose over and over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Mike and Sulley are walking out of Monsters Inc.]'' 
:'''Mike''': I'm tellin’ you, pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?
:'''Sulley''': ''[having had an idea from seeing what Boo's laughing could do]'' Laughs!

== Taglines ==
* Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care

* You Won't Believe Your Eye.

* We Think They Are Scary, But Really We Scare Them!

* Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job.

== Cast ==
* [[John Goodman]] as James P. &quot;Sulley&quot; Sullivan
* [[Billy Crystal]] as Michael &quot;Mike&quot; Wazowski
* [[w:Mary Gibbs|Mary Gibbs]] as Boo
* [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] as Randall Boggs
* [[w:James Coburn|James Coburn]] as Henry J. Waternoose III
* [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] as Celia Mae
* [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Roz
* [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]] as Fungus
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Yeti the Abominable Snowman
* [[w:Samuel Lord Black|Samuel Lord Black]] as George Sanderson
* [[w:Dan Gerson|Dan Gerson]] as Smitty and Needleman
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Thaddeus Bile
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Ms. Flint

== See also ==
* [[Monsters University]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title | id=0198781 | title=Monsters, Inc.}}
* [http://www.pixar.com/featurefilms/inc/ Official Pixar site]

[[Category:2001 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:David Silverman films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Andrew Stanton]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Films directed by Pete Docter]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Tick (2001 TV series)</title>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:42:05Z</timestamp>
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        <username>Kaltenmeyer</username>
        <id>359014</id>
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      <minor />
      <comment>typo</comment>
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'''''[[w:The Tick (2001 TV series)|The Tick]]''''' is a character and had previously appeared in comics and an animated cartoon. The live-action series ran on the Fox network in 2001. Nine episodes were made; one of them was never aired, but appears on the DVD.

:'''&quot;I am the wild blue yonder. The front line in a never-ending battle between good and not-so-good. Together with my stalwart sidekick Arthur, and the magnanimous help of some other folks I know, we form the yin to villainy's malevolent yang. Destiny has chosen us. Wicked men &amp;mdash; you face the Tick!&quot;'''
&lt;center&gt;~ voice-over from opening credits&lt;/center&gt;

==Cast==
:[[Patrick Warburton]] - '''the Tick'''
:David Burke - '''Arthur'''
:[[w:Nestor Carbonell|Nestor Carbonell]] - '''Batmanuel'''
:[[w:Liz Vassey|Liz Vassey]] - '''Captain Liberty'''

==Pilot==
:Directed by [[w:Barry Sonnenfeld|Barry Sonnenfeld]]. Written by [[w:Ben Edlund|Ben Edlund]].
----
:'''The Tick''': The life of a superhero is a lonely one, filled with hardship and danger. The few who answer the call must leave comfort, safety, and often sanity behind. But someone's gotta stand the heat and stay in the kitchen. Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong. This is that someone's story.
:...
:'''Tick''': He stands in silence &amp;mdash; stoic, godlike &amp;mdash; the mysterious blue avenger who has become legend to the simple folk of this bus station. But glory will not distract him from his vigil.
:...
:''(A vending machine has taken a commuter's money and failed to deliver a cup of coffee)&quot;
&quot;Tick&quot;: Metal fiend. 
&quot;(the Tick bounds into action.)''
:'''Tick''': Stand back, citizen! So, vending menace, we meet again. ''(to commuter, while flipping coin return lever)'' Did ya jiggle the thingie? ''(he heaves machine off the ground, shaking it and pounding it against the wall)'' Armless bandit! Empty your bladder of that bitter black urine men call coffee! It has its price and that price has been paid! ''(he slams machine back onto the ground; it delivers a cup of coffee)'' Java devil, you are now my bitch. Well, here you are, weary traveler, one steaming hot cup of justice. No need to thank me, it's my sworn duty to defend this bus station from the ravages of evil. 
:...
:'''Tick''': Well, Destiny honks the horn of Gotta Go. To the City! 
:'''Bus station manager''': Who was that blue stranger?
:'''Tick''': He was &amp;mdash; the ''Tick!''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Arthur is in an office, working, in his superhero suit; his boss sits beside Arthur's desk and clears his throat.)''
:'''Arthur''': Mister-Mister Fishladder!
:'''Mr. Fishladder''': Arthur... it is still &quot;Arthur&quot;, isn't it? Arthur, my time is worth seventeen dollars a second. I want an explanation, and I want it to cost less than fifteen hundred dollars. Go!
:'''Arthur''': Oh. Uh, well, it's a little hard to explain &amp;mdash;
:'''Fishladder''': Fifty-one dollars.
:'''Arthur''': Mr. Fishladder, I have been living a lie. I am more than just a mild-mannered accountant. Now, I do good work for this firm and I value my job. It's just... my entire life has become nothing but numbers and deductions and IRA's.
:'''Fishladder''': Two hundred fifty-five dollars.
:'''Arthur''': Granted, I have been doing my parents' tax returns since I was six &amp;mdash; but even then I knew I had a higher calling. I can't hide from it any longer. I &amp;mdash;
:'''Fishladder''': Don't say it!
:'''Arthur''': I am going to become a ''superhero!'' You know... part-time, at first...
:'''Fishladder''': Christ in heaven, ''look'' at yourself! You're built like a sensible shoe! You shouldn't be jumping around in a body-sock fighting crime!
:'''Arthur''': Well, I haven't actually fought any crime yet.
:'''Fishladder''': Good! Keep it that way! Crime fights back! Remember the lesson of Metcalf.
:'''Arthur''': Metcalf?
:'''Fishladder''': METCALF! Head of Shipping and Receiving, third floor. Metcalf! He lost all his game pieces just like you, cashed in his 401k, and bought a jetpack. Now the poor bastard needs a machine &amp;mdash; to POOP!
:'''Arthur''': Mr. Fishladder, I know that sort of thing can happen, but &amp;mdash;
:'''Fishladder''': But you're gonna ride this thing out to the bloody, gruesome end, aren't you?
:'''Arthur''': Well, maybe not all the way to the end but... you know, for a while. Mr. Fishladder, I have to try.
:'''Fishladder''': Time's up. Here's the way I see it: you're either a man with a job or an idiot in a bunny suit. You can't be both - not at Worldwide Fishladder &amp; Sons. So what's it gonna be, huh?
:...
:'''Arthur''': They may call us an accountant, but we can't deny our true nature... even if all our friends and relatives tell us we're good at math. The hero's life - our destiny!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Panda Bartender''': ''[About Arthur trying to fly]'' I think he going to fall down a lot and die.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Captain Liberty''': I'm working on having him deported.
:'''Batmanuel''': She fears the demons I have awoken in her... womanly places.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Arthur''': I'm not moth-man, I'm not a superhero... I'm not even an accountant anymore! I'm just Arthur.
:'''Tick''': Arthur, listen to me carefully. I ''believe'' in you! I always have! That's why I'm here. '''Destiny dressed you this morning my friend, and now Fear is trying to pull off your pants. If you give up, if you give in, you're gonna end up naked with Fear just standing there laughing at your dangling unmentionables!'''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jimmy Carter''': Help! Circus freaks! Help! Help! Men in wrestling outfits!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': Yes, it's too late, we've learned that Communism does not pay. So, don't have a snappy Soviet comeback for that one, do we? ''(to the Red Scare)''
:...
:'''Tick''': Gravity... is a harsh mistress.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': ...and that's how we defeated our first supervillain, and how Arthur learned to fly, and how we gave Jimmy Carter a mild concussion.
:'''Arthur''': We saved an ex-president!
:'''Tick''': Yet the evening's greatest victory is the partnership forged between this heroic duo! Friends to the end &amp;mdash; bonded together by the Krazy-Glue of justice! Til death to they part!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': Fight fire with Arthur!

==The Terror==
:Directed by [[Boris Damast|Boris Damast]]. Written by [[Ben Edlund|Ben Edlund]].
----
:''[Arthur is on a gurney, while the Tick runs alongside with hospital personnel.]''
:'''Tick''': Arthur is broken! Gimme two hundred cc's of tender loving care, stat!
:...
:'''Tick''': Say, you think you could soup him up a bit?
:'''Doctor''': Excuse me?
:'''Tick''': Maybe give him a metal arm with a laser in it, or something.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': Yes. I'm anal retentive. Fine. Believe me, I would change that if I could.
:'''Tick''': Good Lord, man, retain that anus! One day its fruit may be the only thing that stands between us and total oblivion!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': ''[holding up crossed fingers]'' We've been like this ever since &amp;mdash; thick as thieves! Well... without all the stealin' and maraudin' and so forth.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Tick is on the phone with the Terror, a legendary supervillain.]''
:'''The Terror''': Aw, leave me alone. I'm a hundred and twelve years old, I'm done.
:'''Tick''': Don't be an Adolf Quitler!
:...
:'''Terror''': You think you can take me, do ya?
:'''Tick''': You got that right, you big weenie.
:'''Terror''': Bah! I'll fold you into my wallet and spend you on a whore!
:...
:'''Terror''': That tears it! I'm gonna tuck you in for a dirt nap, you Betty!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': Giving the Tick the Terror's phone number was like giving a, a child a loaded gun &amp;mdash; pointing at me!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': We are not triumphant! All we did was crank-call an old man and-and give him a heart attack.
:'''Tick''': Wasn't Plan A, but it did the trick. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': When you get in bed with evil incarnate, it ''always'' steals the covers.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': I almost get killed a ''lot''.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': ''[With a scorpion on his chest.]'' Hello...I got the poison lobster here.

==Arthur, Interrupted==
:Directed by [[Dean Parsot]]. Written by [[Richard Lehmann-Smith]].
----
:'''Captain Liberty''': You haven't told your mother that you're... super?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': We mustn't let our guard down chum, we've got a devilishly clever commode here, he's already taken the bathtub as an ally in his porcelain war against us.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Tick meets Arthur's mother and sister.]''
:'''Tick''': So you're the mother. What a pleasure it is to shake hands with the womb that spilled Arthur into the world. And let's not forget the womb-mate, Dot! Arthur's words do no justice to your nervous, white-knuckled beauty.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bea [Arthur's mom]''': Play safe with your new friends, dear.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': I must say, I find your sister strangely compelling. Do you think she'd care to go &amp;mdash;
:'''Arthur''': What? NO! She's married. She's got two kids.
:'''Batmanuel''': Oh &amp;mdash; yes, I thought I knew that scent! A soccer mommy! It's my only weakness.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''Toilets... don't... talk.'' They DON'T!
:'''Tick''': Well, that's a &quot;maybe&quot; in my book. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Tick pours some drain cleaner into the toilet]''
:'''Tick''': Not so talky with a belly full of HELL are we?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': How did you find me?
:'''Tick''': I just walked around and yelled a lot.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': Wow. That is ''icky'' to ''infinity''.

==The License==
:Directed by [[Craig Zisk]]. Written by [[Larry Charles]].
----
:'''Policeman''': Cap'n Liberty, what do we got?
:'''Captain Liberty''': What do we got? What are you, blind? What does it ''look'' like we got? We got a guy stuck halfway up a robot's ass. That's what we got.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Captain Liberty discusses dating problems with fellow superheroine Medusa.]''
:'''Captain Liberty''': I mean, what are our choices? On the one hand, you've got a bunch of musclebound mutants who think that just because they can bend steel, we're supposed to bend ''over''... and the civilians, well, they're afraid we're gonna zap 'em with a ray and shrink their johnson!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''License Clerk''': I haven't got all day
:'''Tick''': Well we do Thelma, you can have half of ours! We'll share!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:''[At the police station, Tick meets a woman who claims he's her husband.]''
:'''Mrs. Glick''': Oh, Ted... Ted!
:'''Tick''': You hear that, Arthur? Ted!
:'''Mrs. Glick''': I've been worried to death!
:'''Tick''': Oh, you poor zombie... that's no way to die.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Mrs. Glick''': ''[showing a photo]'' Here we are at the Grand Canyon. Do you remember being at the Grand Canyon?
:'''Tick/Ted''': I remember vaguely ''making'' the Grand Canyon.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Glick''': And here we are at the Eiffel Tower.
:'''Tick/Ted''': I fell...
:'''Mrs. Glick''': No, &quot;Eiffel&quot;
:'''Tick/Ted''': You fell?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': So, Arthur, how is your life post-Tick? And be prepared &amp;mdash; if your answer is not scintillating, my interest will rapidly wane.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': In my experience, there's only one guaranteed way to ever really know the truth - you must create it yourself.
:'''Captain Liberty''': And how do you do that?
:'''Batmanuel''': ''Lie.''

==Arthur Needs Space==
:Directed by [[Bo Welch]]. Written by [[David Sacks]].
----
:''[Arthur, in costume, has bumped into a girl he had a crush on in high school.]''
:'''Stacy Waxman''': Do you want to go to dinner tomight?
:'''Arthur''': Very badly. But I'll have to &amp;mdash;
:'''Stacy''': Change? Don't you dare!
:'''Arthur''': You... ''want'' me to wear the suit?
:'''Stacy''': Definitely! Dinner with a superhero &amp;mdash; who wouldn't wanna be ''me'' tonight?
:'''Tick''': Well, Zordox, for one... Kid Psycho... the A-Hole...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': Herein you see the power of the suit. Women cannot resist the suit. ''Men'' cannot resist the suit. ''Dogs'' &amp;mdash;
:'''Arthur''': Yeah, I get it. So you think she's only talking to me because of the suit?
:'''Batmanuel''': ''I'' am only talking to you because of the suit.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': Batmanuel is a jealous ex-lover. If he cannot see you naked, then nobody can.
:'''Captain Liberty''': Wow. I'm not sure if that's romantic or just extra creepy.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Judge''': Make it fast!
:'''Batmanuel''': Batmanuel never makes it fast. That is, unless the husband is in the other room.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:''[The Tick, looking at a girlie magazine, bursts out laughing.]''
:'''Tick''': Well, that poor fella's got bosoms!

==Couples==
:Directed by [[Danny Leiner]]. Written by [[Ross Vendkur]].
----
:'''Tick''': Well, not so runny anymore, are we, Mister Takin'-Stuff? ''(after fleeing burglar bounces off him.)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Fiery Blaze''': Guttersnipe! Halt now or face the combustible justice of... the Fiery Blaze!
:'''Friendly Fire''': And his sideKICK ''[kicks the burglar]'' Friendly Fire! 
:'''Tick''': Lordy, gents, your banter is immaculate! A pleasure to witness.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Captain Liberty''': Manuel, we're not lonely, are we?
:'''Batmanuel''': We? No. No, no, no, no. We're too attractive to be lonely.
:'''Capt. Liberty''': Yeah, but we are alone.
:'''Batmanuel''': I'm not alone. Uh, spinsters, shut-ins, toll booth attendants &amp;mdash; these are ''alone'' people. Batmanuel is ''lone'' &amp;mdash; as in Lone Ranger, or, uh, lone wolf. ''Alone'' is an unfortunate predicament. ''Lone'' is an aesthetic choice. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Captain Liberty tries to buy a puppy.]''
:'''Capt. Liberty''': How much?
:'''Randolph [pet store clerk]''': Well, I suggest you spend some time with Lilith in the back, make sure you like her personality, and then we can talk price.
:'''Capt. Liberty''': Personality? He's a dog. He sits, he rolls over, he plays dead. How much?
:'''Randolph''': I don't think I'm gonna be able to help you, ma'am. Why don't you go rent a videotape or something, instead of ruining some poor puppy's life with your single-woman hormone clock-is-ticking impulse-buying nonsense?
:'''Capt. Liberty''': Just ''sell'' me the damn ''dog''.
:'''Randolph''': She's not for sale &amp;mdash; not to ''you''. What you need is a singles chat-room, ma'am, not some living creature. Good day.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': So, Tick, you know, I've been thinking. We have it pretty good. We fill in each other's weak spots. You're bulletproof, for instance, while I'm not.
:'''Tick''': True &amp;mdash; but it's your firm grip on reality that keeps our ship on course.
:'''Arthur''': Well... yeah, I guess you're right...
:'''Tick''': Guess, nothin'! You're on a first-name basis with lucidity, little friend. I have to call it ''Mister'' Lucidity... and that's no good in a pinch.
:'''Arthur''': I just don't wanna turn into Blaze and Fire, okay?
:'''Tick''': Good heavens, man, what kind of crazy Frankenscience could make that possible?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tick''': I smell sweaty, drinky, uncle-person...
:''[The Fiery Blaze appears and falls down drunk.]''

==The Funeral==
:Directed by [[Andrew Tsao]]. Written by [[Christopher McCullough]].
----
:''[The Tick delivers an unscheduled eulogy at the funeral of the Immortal, a world-famous superhero.]''
:'''Tick''': Death: the eternal blink. The capricious dance of now-you-stopped moving-forever. Well, contrary to popular belief, death is not just for dead people. It can happen to anybody. I know... it's news to me too.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': I'm sorry, but it's just not cool.
:'''Arthur''': Well, who made you the arbiter of cool?
:'''Batmanuel''': It is Batmanuel's divine mission. He can do nothing about it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Liberty''': My God, Tick! What planet are you living on?
:'''Tick''': Plant Me.
:'''Liberty''': Planet Stupid!
:'''Batmanuel''': Hey, don't take this out on the Tick! HE is not the one who took a national treasure to bed and then killed him with his pink secrets!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Tick''': Life ''is'' your chance, Arthur! Grab it! Squeeze the milk of life into your dirty glass and drink it warm.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': If you had asked out that girl at the Panda when I told you, you would be on a date right now instead of riding around in the makeshift hearse of your childhood hero! Just something to think about for next time.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Tick's funeral oration continues.]''
:'''Tick''': Well, just for kicks, let's look at the word &quot;funeral&quot;. Starts with the word &quot;fun&quot;, doesn't it? All I see out there are a bunch of sad faces. Now the Grim Reaper is an ugly customer, I'll grant you that &amp;mdash; but you know who's worse? Mister Mope!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After a (possibly imaginary) pep-talk from the dead Immortal, Arthur approaches the girl he was too shy to ask out at the Panda earlier.]''
:'''Arthur''': Look, I'll probably be arrested soon... and after that, of course, I'll be dead. But before all that happens, I just wanted to say... hi.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Government personnel at the Immortal's funeral have realized that the Tick isn't a scheduled speaker.]''
:'''Military Aide''': the MP's are ready to tackle him off the stage, sir.
:'''General''': Belay that for the moment. I'm starting to like the cut of this man's gibberish.

==The Tick vs. Justice==
:Directed by [[Mel Damski]]. Written by [[Ben Edlund]] and [[Larry Charles]].
----
:''[The Tick talks to reporters outside the courtroom.]''
:'''Tick''': This is nothing more than a salty slab of justice jerky &amp;mdash; cut and dried!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': Why is that fella wearing a dress?
:'''Arthur''': ''[whispering]'' Because he's the judge.
:'''Tick''': Well, I judge him and find him funny!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[In a flashback, the heroes encounter the armored supervillain Destroyo.]''
:'''Tick''': Could be nothin'... could be the stench of unfathomable evil.
:...
:''[Destroyo is bullying Batmanuel.]''
:'''Tick''': Hey, Bossy! Why don't you try that on somebody ''my'' size?
:'''Destroyo''': Do you know who I am?
:'''Tick''': Yeah, I know who you are, Destinko. Why don't you curl up your metal mitts into fists &amp;mdash; 'cause you face the Tick!
:'''Destroyo''': I will destroy you!
:'''Tick''': Bring it on, crap-lobster!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': Aaaaah... my head feels like-like it's gonna have a ''baby!''
:'''Arthur''': It's called a headache.
:'''Tick''': It has a ''NAME?!?''
:''[Arthur pours some aspirin into Tick's hand. Tick pops them into his mouth and chews them.]''
:'''Tick''': Ewwww! This is the worst tasting candy, ever!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[From his cell, Destroyo plays mind games with Captain Liberty.]''
:'''Captain Liberty''': Shut up. You don't know a thing about me.
:'''Destroyo''': On the contrary, Janet, I know all about you. You're a Barbie doll trying to fit into a world of G.I. Joes. Dressed in your special little outfit by the fevered hands of your sweaty Uncle Sam &amp;mdash; the only man who ever stayed in your life &amp;mdash; who taught you how to fight, but not how to love. And all those boys... all they care about is peeling off that costume to find out if the doll inside is anatomically correct.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': Gimme that ! ''(snatches the judge's gavel)'' Who died and made you the cross-dressing king of justice?
:...
:'''Arthur''': Contempt of COURT?!?
:'''Tick''': Well, &quot;contempt&quot; is a strong word. I certainly didn't ''like'' court very much...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Batmanuel''': Another urban myth dispelled. Ninjas don't bounce.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[on witness stand]'' Dance, fat-boy, DANCE!

==The Big Leagues==
:Directed by [[Bo Welch]]. Written by [[Lon Diamond]].
----
:'''Batmanuel''': This guy is great. He handles all my legal affairs. 
:'''Captain Liberty''': What kind of legal affairs do ''you'' have?
:'''Batmanuel''': Batmanuel is mired in much litigation. For instance, I'm suing the makers of my codpiece. It was not properly fitted, causing severe shooting pains in my groin.
:'''Capt. Liberty''': Ouch.
:'''Batmanuel''': Yes &amp;mdash; an &quot;ouch&quot; that will now cost them seven figures. Not that you can place a dollar amount on Batmanuel's groin area... 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tick''': That petty criminal needs a good swift kick in his bad-pants!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Captain Liberty''': If you two were really my friends, you'd be supporting me instead of betraying me.
:'''Tick''': Captain Liberty, we ''are'' your friends... even though we're betraying you.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[In the League of Superheroes smoking lounge, Tick continues obsessing over one criminal's escape.]''
:'''Tick''': Somewhere, that petty criminal is laughing at us, rolling in his ill-gotten booty. And he ''should'' laugh &amp;mdash; 'cause we stink. Smells like everybody's smoking ''feet''.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Champion''': We are the cream of the crop.
:'''Tick''': And the cream is white!

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Tick (live-action), The}}
[[Category:2000s American satirical TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
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    <title>Silvio Berlusconi</title>
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      <text bytes="26420" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Silvio Berlusconi 29-01-2008.jpg|thumb|Only [[w:Napoleon|Napoleon]] did more than I have done. But I am definitely taller.]]
'''[[w:Silvio Berlusconi|Silvio Berlusconi]]''' (born [[29 September]] [[1936]], in Milan) is an Italian [[businessman]] and [[politician]], who served four terms as the country's Prime Minister between 1994 and 2011.

== Quotes ==

=== 2000s ===
[[File:Flickr - europeanpeoplesparty - EPP Congress Berlin 2001.jpg|thumb|right|I did not say anything against the Islamic civilization... It's the work of some people in the Italian leftist press who wanted to tarnish my image and destroy my long-standing relations with Arabs and Muslims.]]

* '''I have little hair because my [[brain]] is so big it pushes the hair out.'''
** As quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* '''We must be aware of the superiority of our [[civilization]]''', a system that has guaranteed well-being, respect for [[human]] [[rights]] and — in contrast with Islamic countries — respect for religious and political rights, a system that has as its value understanding of diversity and tolerance …  The West will continue to conquer peoples, even if it means a confrontation with another civilization, [[Islam]], firmly entrenched where it was 1,400 years ago.
** In response to the [[September 11 attacks]] of [[w:al-Qaeda|al-Queda]], in [http://www.repubblica.it/online/mondo/italiadue/berlusconi/berlusconi.html ''Berlusconi: &quot;Attacco mirato senza vittime fra i civili&quot;'', in ''la Repubblica'' (26 September 2001)]

* '''They have tried to hang me on an isolated word, taken out of context from my whole speech … I did not say anything against the Islamic civilization'''... It's the work of some people in the Italian leftist press who wanted to tarnish my image and destroy my long-standing relations with Arabs and Muslims.
** His response to widespread condemnation of the above comments, in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm &quot;In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words&quot; at ''BBC News'' (2 May 2006)]

[[File:Flickr - europeanpeoplesparty - EPP Congress Estoril 2002 (6).jpg|thumb|right| I am absolutely sure to be the most democratic man to ever become Prime Minister in Italy.]]

* I am absolutely sure to be the most democratic man to ever become Prime Minister in Italy.
** ''[[w:ASCA (news agency)|ASCA]]'' (25 January 2002)

[[File:Silvio Berlusconi in the Amber Room.jpg |thumb|right|I always win, I'm cursed to win.]]
[[File:Flickr - europeanpeoplesparty - EPP Summit 4 December 2003 Paris (1).jpg|thumb|right|I'm a man of honour, a truthful person, a gentleman of absolute [[morality]].]]

* '''I always win, I'm cursed to win.'''
** ''[[w:Agenzia Nazionale Stampa Associata|ANSA]]'' (24 May 2003)

* I know in Italy there is a producer, producing a film on [[Nazi]] concentration camps. I will suggest you for the role of [[w:Kapo (Arbeitslager)|kapo]]. You would be perfect for that role.
** Statement to German MEP [[w:Martin Schulz|Martin Schulz]], [[w:European Parliament| European Parliament]] (2 July 2003), as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm &quot;In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words&quot; at ''BBC News'' (2 May 2006)], [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)], and in Italian at [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bPqaqGJ5Js  &quot;Silvio Berlusconi vs MEP Martin Schulz; relive the moment&quot; at YouTube (16 April 2008)]

* '''I'm a man of honour, a truthful person, a gentleman of absolute [[morality]].'''
** As quoted in &quot;La Repubblica&quot; (13 July 2003)

* To do that kind of job you must be mentally disturbed.
** On magistrates, as quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* If they do that kind of job is because they are anthropologically different from the other human beings.
** ''[[w:Agenzia Nazionale Stampa Associata|ANSA]]'' (5 September 2003)

* '''[[Mussolini]] never killed anyone, he just sent dissenters abroad for vacation.'''
** As quoted in ''La voce di Rimini'' (11 September 2003) 
** Variant translation: '''He never killed anyone, he sent people on holiday to confine them.'''
*** [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* There is a natural right that says that when the state asks you for a third of what you earned through back-breaking work, this seems to you a reasonable demand and you give in. If the state asks you for more, or much more, then it is a clear abuse against you and then you try to find evasive ways to make you feel coherent to your intimate sense of morality and it doesn't make you feel ethically guilty. 
** Addressing the commander of the special italian police corp, Guardia di Finanza, whose job is to fight financial fraud and [[tax evasion]] in November of 2003&lt;!-- (11 November 2003?) --&gt;, quoted in [http://www.repubblica.it/2004/b/sezioni/politica/cdlverifica2/candida/candida.html ''la Repubblica'' (17 febbraio 2004)]

* Let's talk about football and women. … [[w:Gerhard Schröder|Gerhard,]] why don't you start?
** At the Brussels summit, turning to the four-times-married German Chancellor [[w:Gerhard Schröder|Gerhard Schröder]], at the end of Italy's EU presidency, in December 2003, as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm &quot;In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words&quot; at ''BBC News'' (2 May 2006)]

[[File:Flickr - europeanpeoplesparty - EPP Congress Brussels 4-5 February 2004 (25).jpg|thumb|right|Foreign press is usually leftist and describes us differently from what we really are.]]

* Foreign press is usually leftist and describes us differently from what we really are. 
** Speech to the association Azzurri nel mondo, Lugano (24 October 2004)

* If the left wing was to rule, the result would be misery, terror and death, like it happens in every place where communism rules.
** Quoted in ''Corriere della Sera'' (17 January 2005)

* '''The left has always been on the wrong side. They were against [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]], but not against [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]].'''
** Quoted in ''la Repubblica'' (3 February 2005)

* I used all my playboy skills and courted the [[w:Tarja Halonen|Finnish President]].
** At the opening of the European Food Authority in Parma (21 June 2005), when asked to explain how Italy managed to get the support of its biggest competitor over the EU Food Authority dispute), as reported in [http://www.hs.fi/english/article/1101980006828 &quot;Foreign Ministry summons Italian Ambassador over Berlusconi comments&quot; in '' Helsingin Sanomat'' (22 June 2005)]

[[File:Flickr - europeanpeoplesparty - EPP Summit 23 March 2006 (10).jpg|thumb|right|I am the [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] of politics. I am a patient victim, I sacrifice myself for everyone.]]

* We must fight against tax evasion but also defend the rights of tax evaders, or companies that make mistakes
** As quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* '''I am the [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] of politics. I am a patient victim, I sacrifice myself for everyone.'''
** At the launch of his 2006 campaign, as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm &quot;In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words&quot; at ''BBC News'' (2 May 2006)], and [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* '''By definition, as a Prime Minister I cannot be a liar.'''
** Italian Radio National Broadcast (18 January 2006)

* Thank you dear Father Massimiliano, I'll try not to let you down and I promise you two and a half months of complete sexual abstinence until April 9 [election]. 
** Speaking at his party's convention in Sardinia (28 January 2006), as reported in ''Il Giornale'' (29 January 2006)
** Variant translation: I'll try not to let you down and I promise you two and a half months of complete sexual abstinence until election day.
*** As reported in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* '''Only [[w:Napoleon|Napoleon]] did more than I have done. But I am definitely taller.'''
** As quoted in ''Reuters'' (9 February 2006), [http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2006/feb/13/italy.johnhooper &quot;Berlusconi's boundless modesty: first it's Napoleon, now he's Jesus&quot; by John Hooper, in ''The Guardian'' (13 February 2006)], and [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* [[Winston Churchill|Churchill]] liberated us from the [[Nazis]], Silvio Berlusconi is liberating us from [[communists]].
** Speech in Ancona (11 February 2006), as quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* '''Do it my way and earn more money.'''
** Advice to Italians trying to escape poverty, in an interview with Italian ''Telelombardia'' (6 March 2006)

* Go and read the black book on communism and you'll find that under [[Mao Zedong|Mao]]'s China they didn't eat babies but they boiled them to fertilise the fields.
** At a rally in Naples (28 March 2006) as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm &quot;In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words&quot; at ''BBC News'' (2 May 2006)]

* I have Italian citizens in too good consideration to think that there are so many voting assholes ''(literally: ''&quot;coglioni&quot;'', rude word for testicles)'' around which could vote against their own interests. I apologize for the rude but effective language.
** Confcommercio meeting in Rome (4 April 2006) as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm &quot;In quotes: Berlusconi in his own words&quot; at ''BBC News'' (2 May 2006)]

* The April 9th/10th vote is like that one of 1948, when democratic forces rejected the communist offensive and firmly moved the Country to the West, towards democracy and its values.
** Quoted in &quot;Affari Italiani&quot; magazine (7 April 2006)

[[File:2june 2007 631.jpg|thumb|right|The public prosecutor … should be subject to regular examinations to attest to sanity.]]

* The journalist [[w:Enzo Biagi|Enzo Biagi]] left the RAI out of free will … he did it for the money.
** As reported in [http://web.archive.org/web/20081210192053/http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/11/06/europe/EU-GEN-Italy-Obit-Biagi.php &quot;Veteran Italian journalist Enzo Biagi, 87, dies in Milan&quot; in ''Herald Tribune'' (6 November 2007)]; Enzo Biagi was one of the journalists that had to leave the RAI after the [[w:Editto Bulgaro|Editto Bulgaro]] of in 2002, in which he was accused by Berlusconi of making criminal use of television.

* '''The public prosecutor … should be subject to regular examinations to attest to sanity.'''
** Calling for psychiatric examinations in regard to the life sentence of the [[w:mafia|Mafia-member]] [[w:Vittorio Mangano|Vittorio Mangano]], whom Senator [[w:Marcello Dell'Utri|Marcello Dell'Utri]], called a hero, as reported in [http://www.repubblica.it/2008/04/sezioni/politica/verso-elezioni-18/berlusconi-toghe/berlusconi-toghe.html 'Berlusconi: &quot;Perizie per i pm&quot; Dell'Utri: &quot;Mangano un eroe&quot; 'in ''la Repubblica'' (8 April 2008)]

* Marcello Dell'Utri is right: Mangano was a hero, because he never invented anything about me.
** Statement during a television show on ''[[w:La7|La7]]'' (9 April 2008) 

* ''Ghe pensi mi.'' 
** '''I'll handle it.'''
** As quoted in  [http://www.eurotrib.com/story/2007/11/19/51748/558 &quot;The Day After&quot; by de Gondi at ''The European Tribune'' (19 November 2007)]

[[File:Silvio Berlusconi 09072008.jpg|thumb|right|They're not gaffes. I've made no gaffes.]]
[[File:Vladimir Putin in Italy 17-18 April 2008-3.jpg|thumb|right|They keep calling me a dwarf, but I'm taller than [[w:Nicolas Sarkozy|Sarkozy]] and [[w:Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin|Putin]].]]

* '''They're not gaffes. I've made no gaffes.'''
** On previous comments, as quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)]

* The women of the Right are certainly the most beautiful … the Left has no taste, not even when it comes to women
** As quoted in &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)

* People will vote for [[w:Daniela Santanchè|Daniela Santanchè]] because she is a beautiful babe.
** As quoted in &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)

* Ladies, I have a mission for you on election day: cook! Sweet and exquisite things, please. Bring them to the polling station to be examined. The boldest can try making a tart, the most skilful, profiteroles
** As quoted in &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)

* '''It's the fate of the [[lion]] in [[winter]]: all his billions, all his [[television]] channels cannot rescue him from the mockery that rains down on the aged lecher, his powers visibly waning.'''
** On aging, as quoted in &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)

* '''They keep calling me a dwarf, but I'm taller than [[w:Nicolas Sarkozy|Sarkozy]] and [[w:Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin|Putin]].'''
** As quoted in &quot;Did I say This? in ''The Observer'' (20 April 2008)

* [[Barack Obama]] being young, handsome and sun-tanned is going to get along with you swimmingly.
** On the US president-elect to [[w:Dimitry Medvedev|Dmitry Medvedev]], as quoted in [http://uk.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUKTRE4A562120081106 'Italy's Berlusconi hails &quot;suntanned&quot; Obama' in ''Reuters'' (6 November 2008)], [http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1083664/Berlusconi-faces-race-row-calls-Americas-black-president-suntanned.html &quot;Berlusconi faces race row as he calls America's first black president 'suntanned'&quot; in ''Mail on Sunday'' (6 November 2008)] &lt;!-- **{{cite news|url=http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/news/international/Italy_s_Berlusconi_hails_suntanned_Obama.html?siteSect=143&amp;sid=9940663&amp;cKey=1225988622000&amp;ty=ti |title=Italy's Berlusconi hails &quot;suntanned&quot; Obama | publisher=''Swiss Info'' | date=2008-11-06 | accessdate=2008-11-06}}
**{{cite news|url=http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/11/06/sot.berlusconi.obama.ap?iref=videosearch |title=Italy PM calls Obama 'tanned' | publisher=''CNN Video'' | date=2008-11-06 | accessdate=2008-11-06}} 
: Literally in Italian: ''&quot;Ho detto a Medvedev che Obama ha tutto per andare d'accordo con lui: è giovane, bello e anche abbronzato&quot;''
**{{cite news|url=http://www.rainews24.it/Notizia.asp?NewsId=87987 |title=Italy PM calls Obama 'tanned' | publisher=''RAINEWS24'' | date=2008-11-06 | accessdate=2008-11-08}}--&gt;

[[File:Flickr - europeanpeoplesparty - EPP Congress Warsaw (1234).jpg|thumb|right|The real Italian anomaly is not Silvio Berlusconi but communist prosecutors and communist judges in Milan who have attacked him again and again since he entered politics.]]

* We could not field a big enough force to avoid this risk [of rape]. We would need so many soldiers because our women are so beautiful.
** As quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/4339817/Silvio-Berlusconi-criticised-for-pretty-girl-rape-comment.html &quot;Silvio Berlusconi criticised for 'pretty girl' rape comment&quot; in ''The Telegraph'' (26 January 2009)]

* '''In absolute terms, I am the most legally persecuted man of all times, in the whole history of mankind, worldwide.'''
** On prosecutions against him, as quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/oct/09/berlusconi-boast-best-in-history &quot;Silvio Berlusconi: I am inferior to no one in history&quot; in ''The Guardian'' (10 October 2009)]

* The real Italian anomaly is not Silvio Berlusconi but communist prosecutors and communist judges in Milan who have attacked him again and again since he entered politics.
** As quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/6455488/Silvio-Berlusconi-booed-by-audience-after-angry-TV-rant.html &quot;Silvio Berlusconi booed by audience after angry TV rant&quot; in ''The Telegraph'' (29 October 2009)]

* I wish luck to you and your nation that loves you as the election results we can see testify.
** On [[Alexander Lukashenko]], as quoted in [http://www.belarus.by/en/press-center/news/results-of-the-official-visit-of-silvio-berlusconi-to-belarus_i_0000000549.html ''Results of the official visit of Silvio Berlusconi to Belarus'' at ''belarus.by'' (1 December 2009) the official website of the Republic of Belarus]

===2010s===

* We don't want to see just one forward up front. To win you have to score. To have chances you've got to have forwards close to the goal, I appreciated Leonardo a lot but I disagreed with him in how he fielded the team. Ronaldinho must play on the shoulder of the strikers even if he has a tendency to drift left. Ronaldinho has been linked in the media with a move away but Berlusconi was adamant the playmaker was staying. He is the No1 attraction at Milan,&quot; he said, &quot;Ronaldinho does not want to leave. I'm sure he is happy to stay. &lt;br /&gt; I would be happy for Gattuso to stay but we are not against people saying they want to leave, We can't exclude [the sale of Huntelaar] even if we are convinced of his qualities as a main striker.
** ['New Milan manager must play two strikers,' says Silvio Berlusconi http://www.theguardian.com/football/2010/jul/20/milan-silvio-berlusconi], July 20, 2010.

[[File:Berlusconi-comizio.jpg|thumb|right|The life in Italy is the life of a wealthy country, consumptions haven't diminished, it's hard to find seats on planes, our restaurants are full of people.]]

* They called me, inviting me to watch ''[[w:L'Infedele|L'Infedele]]''. I'm watching a disgusting program, run in a despicable, vile and repulsive way. I've heard false and distorted views, far away from the truth. I've seen a representation of reality which is to the contrary of truth.
** On the TV program ''L'infedele'', called in during the show, reported in [http://www.repubblica.it/politica/2011/01/24/news/berlusconi_lerner-11616866/ ''Berlusconi insults Lerner live: you run a brothel program'', in ''Repubblica'' (25 January 2011)]

* I hope that in Egypt there can be a transition toward a more democratic system without a break from President [[Hosni Mubarak|Mubarak]], who in the West, above all in the [[United States]], is considered the wisest of men and a precise reference point.
** On [[Hosni Mubarak]], in the relation to the [[2011 Egyptian protests]], as quoted in  [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/04/silvio-berlusconi-hosni-m_n_818651.html ''Berlusconi: Hosni Mubarak Is 'The Wisest Of Men'''], in ''The Huffington Post'' (4 February 2011), and [http://english.aljazeera.net/news/europe/2011/02/201124194950335734.html ''Berlusconi: Mubarak is a wise man'' at ''al Jazeera'' (February 2011)]

* We are worried about everything happening there, in all the area. I haven't yet heard from [[Gaddafi]]. The situation is evolving and so I don't feel I should disturb anyone.
** On the [[2011 Libyan protests]], as quoted in [http://euobserver.com/9/31842 ''EU Observer'' (21 February 2011)]

* Freedom means having the right to freely educate your children, and freely means no obligation to send them in a public school, where teachers want to inculcate principles different from the principles that their parents want to inculcate them in a familiar context.
** On public school, in [http://www.repubblica.it/politica/2011/02/26/news/berlusconi_rafforza-12922793/index.html ''Adoptions, gay couples and public school'' in ''la Repubblica'' (1 March 2011)]

* I'm getting out to mind my own fucking business, from somewhere else, and so I'm leaving this shitty country, of which I'm sickened.
** On Italy, quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/europe/09/02/italy.berlusconi/index.html ''Berlusconi under fire for controversial comments about Italy'' at ''CNN'' (3 September 2011)]

* '''The life in Italy is the life of a wealthy country, consumptions haven't diminished, it's hard to find seats on planes, our restaurants are full of people.'''
** Denying the heaviness of the [[:w:European sovereign debt crisis|Italian crisis]], during the news conference after the end of the [[:w:List of G-20 summits|G20 summit]] held in Cannes (3-4 November 2011), as reported in [http://www.ilmessaggero.it/articolo.php?id=168779&amp;sez=HOME_INITALIA&amp;ssez=POLITICA &quot;Napolitano ammonisce: attuare impegni. Premier: la crisi non c'è, ristoranti pieni&quot; in ''Il Messaggero'' (4 November 2011)], and [http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/nov/04/silvio-berlusconi-imf-italy &quot;Silvio Berlusconi shrugs off IMF's financial checks on Italy. Prime minister insists Italy is in good health, with debts under control, and points to full restaurants as proof of strength&quot; in ''The Guardian'' (4 November 2011)]

* Only the prosecutors' witnesses were admitted, those of the defence were chucked out … Can there be worse justice than this? I am treated like a criminal.
** As quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/silvio-berlusconi/9086144/Silvio-Berlusconi-says-judges-out-to-destroy-him.html &quot;Silvio Berlusconi says judges out to 'destroy' him&quot; in ''The Telegraph'' (16 February 2012)]

*  [To the] edge of the abyss.
** On Italy, as reported in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/dec/09/italy-edge-abyss-silvio-berlusconi &quot;Italy on 'edge of abyss', says Silvio Berlusconi, offering a hand&quot; in ''The Guardian'' (9 December 2012)]
&lt;!-- [[File:Flag of Mussolini.svg |thumb|right|The racial laws were the worst fault of [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]] as a leader, who in so many other ways did well.]] --&gt;

* Obviously the government of [Mussolini's] time, out of fear that German power might lead to complete victory, preferred to ally itself with [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]'s Germany rather than opposing it … The racial laws were the worst fault of Mussolini as a leader, who in so many other ways did well.
** In a speech in Milan, while heading a coallition which includes parties with [[fascist]] roots, as quoted in [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21222341 &quot;Berlusconi praises Mussolini on Holocaust Memorial Day&quot; at ''BBC News'' (27 January 2013)]

== Quotes about Berlusconi ==
:&lt;small&gt;Alphabetized by author &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:EPP Summit March 2012 (49).jpg|thumb|right|Every headline is about sweet Silvio, because sometimes you don't have to be first to be famous. Even people who hate him, and there are a lot of them, want to read and hear about him. ~  [[w:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]] ]]

* '''One of the wildest elections in Italian history is finally over. And as expected, it came down to one guy, the guy who inspired a group of topless female protesters to storm his polling station.''' That looks so inappropriate. Shouting, &quot;Enough, Berlusconi, enough!&quot; &lt;br&gt; That's right. Bunga, bunga is back. '''Yesterday and today, all of the headlines had been about Silvio Berlusconi's amazing return to power.  &lt;br&gt;There's just one problem. He lost.''' When all the votes were counted, Silvio finished with 31 percent, a strong showing but only good enough for second place behind a guy called [[w:Pier Luigi Bersani|Pier Luigi Bersani]].   &lt;br&gt; '''But still every headline is about sweet Silvio, because sometimes you don't have to be first to be famous. Even people who hate him, and there are a lot of them, want to read and hear about him.''' … Silvio, [[w:Danica Patrick|Danica]] and [[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger]], what a threesome. '''They're not famous for nothing. They are hugely successful at a level that most of us can only dream of. &lt;br&gt; But what really matters is that they have that something, that ineffable and intangible something simply known as star power. People care about them.''' That's even when they lose, they're the ones we want to hear about. &lt;br&gt; And maybe that's a great gift or maybe it leads to an intense stressful life since every loss and every failures in the headlines you can't have any secrets. Only perfection is enough. 
** [[w:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]], on [http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1302/26/ebo.01.html  ''Erin Burnett Outfront'' (26 February 2013)]

* '''To me Silvio Berlusconi incarnates all the qualities a stateman should have.''' When I studied politics, I was taught that the ideal politician is a man who having had success in his own profession and not having economic worries for himself and his family, decides to devote part of his life to the service of his people at the local or national level, which is tantamount to saying that the ideal politician ought to be:
::• A ''self made man'', who, as such, has already proven his work capabilities, 
::• Rich enough to be insensitive to bribery.
: No matter what his adversaries say, this is the picture of Silvio Berlusconi, who on top of all that, is a very charismatic figure with a great sense of [[humor]], which makes him a political leader ahead of his time, at least for Italy.
:* Giglio Reduzzi, in ''Berlusconi: The Truth About Italy's Much Maligned Premier'' (2010), p. 25

==External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons category|Silvio Berlusconi}}
* [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/3034600.stm Profile: Silvio Berlusconi, ''BBC News'']
* [http://www.ketupa.net/berlusconi2.htm A chronology of Berlusconi's life from Ketupa.net]
* [http://www.ifex.org/en/content/view/full/66079/ Berlusconi cuts stake in television company], [[w:International Freedom of Expression Exchange|IFEX]]
* [http://www.forbes.com/finance/lists/10/2002/LIR.jhtml?passListId=10&amp;passYear=2002&amp;passListType=Person&amp;uniqueId=EEPT&amp;datatype=Person Forbes.com: Forbes World's Richest People]
* [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3041288.stm ''BBC News'', Berlusconi in his own words]
* [http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/apr/20/italy ''The Observer'', Did I say that?]
* [http://liamlewison1.blogspot.com/2010/11/silvio-berlusconi.html Silvio Berlusconi; A Complex Character]
* [http://www.pdl.it/ ''Il Popolo della Libertà'' · Berlusconi's political party]
* [http://www.silvioberlusconifansclub.it/ Fanclub website]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Berlusconi, Silvio}}
[[Category:Heads of government]]
[[Category:Italian businesspeople]]
[[Category:Publishers]]
[[Category:Anti-communists]]
[[Category:1936 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Italian Catholics]]
[[Category:Fraudsters]]
[[Category:People from Milan]]
[[Category:Forza Italia politicians]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Toy Story</title>
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      <text bytes="11886" xml:space="preserve">[[File:WonderCon 2011 - Buzz Lightyear (5596535109).jpg|thumb|To infinity and beyond!]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story|Toy Story]]''''' is a {{w|Computer-generated imagery|CGI}} film produced by {{w|Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios}}, released by {{w|Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures}} in 1995. It was directed by {{w|John Lasseter|John Lasseter}}, and is the first feature length CGI film ever made.
{{center|'''Don't yank my string!'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* To infinity and beyond!

== Woody ==
* Reach for the sky!
* There's a snake in my boot.

== Sid Phillips ==
* ''[talking in his sleep]'' I wanna ride the pony...

== Dialogue ==
:''[Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!
:'''Hamm''': I don't get it.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Rex roars at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[in a bored tone]'' How ya doin', Rex?
:'''Rex''': ''[stops roaring; calmly]'' Were ya scared? Tell me honestly.
:'''Woody''': I was close to being scared that time.
:'''Rex''': I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming off as annoying.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Hamm''': So, where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?
:'''Buzz''': Well, no. I'm actually stationed at the Gamma Quadrant, Sector Four. As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the Galaxy from the threat of invasion from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, really? I'm from [[w:Playskool|Playskool]].
:'''Rex''': And I'm from [[w:Mattel|Mattel]]. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leverage buyout.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Woody''': All right. That's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy.
:'''Buzz''': Toy?
:'''Woody''': T-O-Y. Toy!
:'''Buzz''': Excuse me. I think the word you're searching for is &quot;Space Ranger.&quot;
:'''Woody''': The word I'm searching for; I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Andy and his mom stop at the gas station]''
:'''Andy''': Can I help pump the gas?
:'''Andy's Mom''': Sure, I'll even let you drive.
:'''Andy''': Really?
:'''Andy's Mom''': Yeah, when you're 16.
:'''Andy''': Yup, yup, yup, very funny, Mom.
:'''Woody''': ''[feeling miserable for what he'd done, lying on the seat of Andy's car]'' How am I gonna convince those guys it was an accident?
:''[Woody spots Buzz up at the sunroof, staring down at him]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz!
:''[Buzz leaps down onto the seat right next to Woody, furious, covered in leaves and twigs]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! You're alive! This is great! I'm saved! Andy will find you here, he'll take us back to the room, and then you can tell everyone that this was all this all just a big mistake. Huh? ''[Buzz glares at him, speechless]'' Right? Buddy? 
:'''Buzz''': I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
:'''Woody''': Oh, well, that's good.
:'''Buzz''': But we're not ''on'' my planet. Are we?
:'''Woody''': No.
:''[they start fighting]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Buzz''': According to my navi-computer, the...
:'''Woody''': ''[quietly]'' Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!
:'''Buzz''': Sheriff, this is no time to panic!
:'''Woody''': This is the perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days, and it's all your fault!
:'''Buzz''': My fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...
:'''Woody''': Oh, yeah?! Well, if ''you'' hadn't shown up in your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...
:'''Buzz''': Don't talk to me about importance! Because of you, the security of this entire universe is in jeopardy!
:'''Woody''': WHAT?!! What are you talkin' about?!
:'''Buzz''': Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals his weapon's only weakness. And ''you,'' my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
:'''Woody''': YOU... ARE... A... ''TOY!!!'' You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're a-- Aw, you're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!
:'''Buzz''': You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell. ''[exits]''
:'''Woody''': Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony! ''[sarcastically]'' &quot;Rendezvous with Star Command.&quot;
:'''Man #1''': Hey, gas dude!
:'''Man #2''': You talking to me?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Alien #1''': A stranger.
:'''Alien #2''': From the outside.
:'''Aliens''': Oooooooooooooooh.
:'''Buzz''': Greetings, I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.
:''[all the Aliens gather around him]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Sid at Pizza Planet ends up spotting Buzz in the Alien Claw Game, much to Woody's shock]'' 
:'''Sid''': A Buzz Lightyear? No way. ''[the claw reaches down and collects Buzz successfully]'' Yes!
:''[Woody grabs Buzz's legs, trying to pull him out and stop him from being obtained]''
:'''Sid''': ''[banging against the glass]'' Hey!
:'''Aliens''': ''[as Woody struggles to pull Buzz out of the claw machine]'' He has been chosen.
:''[the Alien toys all push Woody back through]''
:'''Woody''': Stop it! What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it, you zealots!
:'''Sid''': ''[after having obtained both Buzz and Woody]'' All right, double prizes! ''[picks up them both]'' Let's go home and play.
:''[Sid chuckles as the camera zooms in on his shirt]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sid''': Hannah! Hey, Hannah!
:'''Hannah''': What?
:'''Sid''': Did I get my package in the mail?
:'''Hannah''': ''[shrugs]'' I don't know.
:'''Sid''': ''[demanding]'' What do you mean, you don't know?
:'''Hannah''': I don't know.
:'''Sid''': ''[referring to Hannah's doll]'' Oh, no, Hannah, look at Janey! She's sick!
:'''Hannah''': ''[as Sid snatches her]'' No she's not!
:'''Sid''': I'll have to perform one of my... operations!
:'''Hannah''': No!
:'''Woody''': Not Sid's room. Not there.
:'''Hannah''': No! ''[chasing Sid up to his room]'' Sid, gave her back! ''[as Sid closes the door]'' Sid! Sid!
:''[Sid throws his bag with Woody and Buzz onto his bed]''
:'''Sid''': Oh, no!
:'''Hannah''': Mom!
:'''Sid''': We have a sick patient here, Nurse.
:'''Hannah''': ''[off-screen]'' Sid, gave her back!
:'''Sid''': Prepare the O.R., stat!
:'''Hannah''': ''[off-screen]'' Gave her back now! I'm telling!
:'''Sid''': Patient is prepped.
:''[gets out a plastic face mask]''
:'''Sid''': No-one has ever attempted a double bypass brain transplant before. Now for the tricky part.
:''[Woody and Buzz watch in horror as Sid places Janey's head into a vice]''
:'''Sid''': Pliers!
:'''Buzz''': I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.
:''[he does the same to a toy pterodactyl's body]''
:'''Sid''': ''[now with the Pterodactyl's head on Janey's body]'' Doctor, you've done it! ''[walking to the door with Hannah waiting outside]'' Hannah! Janey's all better now!
:'''Hannah''': ''[shrieks at the sight of what Sid did to Janey and runs downstairs]'' Mum, Mum!
:'''Sid''': She's lying! Whatever she says is not true!
:''[throws the toy onto the floor, as the pterodactyl's head falls off]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sid''': ''[torturing Woody with a magnifying glass]'' Where are your rebel friends now?
:'''Sid's Mom''': ''[offscreen, downstairs]'' Sid! Your Pop-Tarts are ready!
:'''Sid''': ''[running off]''  All right!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sid''': ''[in panic]'' The toys! The toys are alive! ''[whimpering]'' Nice toy!
:''[Hannah holds her new Sally doll out at Sid in fear, and chases him upstairs]'' 
:'''Hannah''': What's wrong Sid? Don't you wanna play with Sally?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the rocket Woody and Buzz are strapped to launches into the air, taking the two into the sky]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]'' This is the part where we blow up!
:'''Buzz''': Not today! ''[activates his wings, breaking free from the rocket, and soars with Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Hey, Buzz! You're flying!
:'''Buzz''': This isn't flying. This is falling with style!
:'''Woody''': ''[laughs]'' To infinity and beyond!

== Taglines ==
* &quot;Oooh...3-D&quot; (USA 2009 re-release)
* The toys are back in town.
* It's light years ahead!
* The adventure takes off!
* Hang on for the comedy that goes to infinity and beyond!
* Watch out for little green men.
* I'm a nervous Rex!
* Don't yank my string!
* Buzz off!
* Guts of steel
* Proud to be a vegetable

== Cast ==
=== Main Cast ===
*[[Tom Hanks]] &amp;ndash; Woody
*[[Tim Allen]] &amp;ndash; Buzz Lightyear
*{{w|Don Rickles|Don Rickles}} &amp;ndash; Mr. Potato Head
*{{w|Jim Varney|Jim Varney}} &amp;ndash; Slinky Dog
*{{w|Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn}} &amp;ndash; Rex
*{{w|John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger}} &amp;ndash; Hamm
*{{w|Annie Potts|Annie Potts}} &amp;ndash; Bo Peep
*{{w|John Morris (actor)|John Morris}} &amp;ndash; Andy Davis
*{{w|Erik von Detten|Erik von Detten}} &amp;ndash; Sid Phillips
*{{w|Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf}} &amp;ndash; Mom
*{{w|R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey}} &amp;ndash; Sarge
*{{w|Sarah Freeman|Sarah Freeman}} &amp;ndash; Hannah Phillips
*[[Penn Jillette]] &amp;ndash; TV Announcer

=== Additional Voices ===
*{{w|Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft}} &amp;ndash; Lenny
*{{w|Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon}} &amp;ndash; Squeeze Toy Aliens/Mr. Spell/Robot
*{{w|Jack Angel|Jack Angel}} &amp;ndash; Shark/Rocky Gibraltar
*{{w|Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry}} &amp;ndash; Squeeze Toy Aliens/Pizza Planet Announcer
*Spencer Aste &amp;ndash; Wounded Soldier
*{{w|Patrick Pinney|Patrick Pinney}} &amp;ndash; Pizza Delivery Guy/Angry Driver #2
*{{w|Jan Rabson|Jan Rabson}} &amp;ndash; Gas Station Attendant
*{{w|Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor}} &amp;ndash; Pizza Planet Guards/Pizza Planet Announcer
*Mickie McGowan &amp;ndash; Mrs. Phillips
*Craig Good &amp;ndash; Mission Control
*{{w|Ryan O'Donohue|Ryan O'Donohue}} &amp;ndash; Boy Voice
*{{w|Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton}} &amp;ndash; Commercial Chorus
*{{w|Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer}} &amp;ndash; Monotone Announcer
*{{w|Greg Berg|Greg Berg}} &amp;ndash; Al's Toy Barn Announcer
*Danielle Judovits &amp;ndash; Burned Rag Doll

== About ''Toy Story'' ==

* I think the subject matter lends itself to the medium very much. When we started &quot;Toy Story&quot; back in 1991, computer graphics tended to make everything look like they were made of plastic, and so it was a natural subject matter. But with computer animation, we were also able to get the detail: the seams on Buzz Lightyear – the little screwheads holding the parts together. There was an embossed '© Disney' on his butt. All those things made it feel like the audience was looking at it going, &quot;Yeah, I believe those are toys.&quot;
** John Lasseter, [http://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2001/12/19/john_lasseter_toy_story_1_interview.shtml &quot;(Part 1 of 2) Toy Story&quot;], by Adrian Hennigan, ''BBC''. December 19, 2001.
* It was the hardest work I've ever done, purely as an actor.
: This is how you make these movies, you stand there in front of a microphone and you scream your head off for the better part of six hours, that's my recollection of what it was.
:* Tom Hanks, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihTsIb76mcg &quot;Tom Hanks Interview: Toy Story&quot;] {{fact}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
{{Commons category}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0114709|title=Toy Story}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1995 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Joss Whedon]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Superman (1978 film)</title>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T15:54:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>173.70.206.72</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
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      <text bytes="44398" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Superman S symbol.svg |thumb|right|Your name is Kal-El. You are the only [[survivor]] of the planet Krypton. Even though you have been raised as a [[human]] being, you are not one of them. You have great [[powers]], only some of which you have as yet discovered.]]
'''''[[w:Superman (1978 film)|Superman]]''''' (informally titled '''''Superman: The Movie''''' in some listings and reference sources) is a 1978 &lt;!-- Please do not add British-American per WP:FILMLEAD. --&gt; [[w:superhero film|superhero film]] directed by [[w:Richard Donner|Richard Donner]]. It is based on the [[w:DC Comics|DC Comics]] character of the [[w:Superman|same name]] and stars [[Marlon Brando]], [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]], [[Christopher Reeve]], [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]], [[w:Glenn Ford|Glenn Ford]], [[w:Phyllis Thaxter|Phyllis Thaxter]], [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]], [[w:Trevor Howard|Trevor Howard]], [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]], [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]], [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]], and [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]]. The film depicts [[w:Origin of Superman|Superman's origin]], including his infancy as Kal-El of [[w:Krypton (comics)|Krypton]] and his youthful years in the rural town of [[w:Smallville (comics)|Smallville]]. Disguised as reporter [[w:Clark Kent|Clark Kent]], he adopts a mild-mannered disposition in [[w:Metropolis (comics)|Metropolis]] and develops a romance with [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]], while battling the villainous [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]].
{{center|'''You'll Believe a Man Can Fly!''' &lt;small&gt;[[#taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Lois Lane ==
* ''[voiceover]'' Can you read my mind?  Do you know what it is that you do to me?  I don't know who you are.  Just a friend from another star.  Here I am, like a kid out of school.  Holding hands with a god.  I'm a fool.  Will you look at me?  Quivering.  Like a little girl, shivering.  You can see right through me.  Can you read my mind?  Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?  Wondering why you are... all the wonderful things you are.  You can fly.  You belong in the sky.  You and I... could belong to each other.  If you need a friend... I'm the one to fly to.  If you need to be loved... here I am.  Read my mind.

== Jor-El ==
* A chance for life, nonetheless... as opposed to us, you cannot ignore these facts! It's SUICIDE! No, it's worse. It's GENOCIDE...!
*''(answering criticism from the Council leader)'' My friends, you know me to be neither rash nor impulsive. I'm not given... to wild, unsupported statements. And I tell you we must evacuate this planet immediately!
* ''[As he bids his infant son farewell before sending him to Earth]'' You will travel far, my little Kal-El. But we will never leave you... even in the face of our deaths... the richness of our lives shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more I... I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you... all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father, the son. This is all I ... all I can send you, Kal-El.
* Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. Always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El; they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son.

== Lex Luthor ==
* ''[watching Otis approaching the hideout]'' It's amazing that brain can generate enough power to keep those legs moving.
* Because if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic hoax, it would've been me!
* This is Lex Luthor. Only one thing alive with less than four legs can hear this frequency, Superman, and that's you. In approximately five minutes, a poison gas pellet containing propane lithium compound will be released through thousands of air ducts in the city, effectively annihilating half the population of Metropolis.
* I told you. That's Kryptonite, Superman. Little souvenir from the old home town. I spared no expense to make you feel right at home. 
* ''[after he's explained how a meteor from Krypton can kill Superman]'' Doesn't it give you kind of a, a, a.... shudder.... of electricity through you to be in the same room with me?
* ''[repeated line; screams bloody murder]'' MISS TESCHMACHER-R-R-R-R-R!!!!
* I have to leave you now. No hard feelings. We all have our little faults. Mine's in California. 
* ''[to Otis]'' Do you know why the number 200 is so vitally descriptive to both you and me? It's your weight and my I.Q.
* Some can read ''War and Peace'' and come away thinking it's an adventure story. Others can open the wrappers of chewing gum and unlock the secrets of the universe.
* You were great in your day, Superman. But it just stands to reason, when it came time to cash in your chips, this old &quot;diseased maniac&quot; would be your banker. Mind over muscle?
* There's a strong streak of good in you, Superman. But then nobody's perfect.... almost nobody.

== Superman ==
* [''A cat burglar is climbing up the side of a building. He looks up and sees Superman standing there''] Hi there. Something wrong with the elevator?
* [''Superman lands holding a cat burglar''] Officer! Uh, good evening, Officer Mooney. Well, they say confession's good for the soul.[''takes a handful of stolen jewelry out of the burglar's bag''] I'd listen to this man. Take him away.
* [''After getting &quot;clubbed&quot; on the head by a crowbar by a thief''] Bad vibrations?

== Perry White ==
* Lois, Clark Kent may seem like just a mild-mannered reporter, but listen, not only does he know how to treat his editor-in-chief with the proper respect, not only does he have a snappy, punchy prose style, but he is, in my forty years in this business, the fastest typist I've ever seen.

== Jimmy Olsen ==
* ''[to Clark]'' Hey, dork. Jimmy Olsen.

== Others ==
* '''Boy''': [''opening narration''] In the decade of the 1930s, even the great city of Metropolis was not spared the ravages of the worldwide depression. In the times of fear and confusion the job of informing the public was the responsibility of the Daily Planet. A great metropolitan newspaper, whose reputation for clarity and truth had become a symbol of hope for the city of Metropolis.
* '''Miss Teschmacher''': Why is it I can't get it on with the good guys?
* '''Desk Sergeant''': [''on seeing a boat in the middle of the street and Superman flying off''] Mooney, first bottle's on me, let me get my hat.
* '''[[w:Trevor Howard|First Elder]]''': [''in the &quot;extended&quot; version of the film... following the trial and sentencing of General Zod and &quot;Company&quot;''] An unpleasant duty has been masterfully performed, Jor-El. They have received the fate they deserved: isolation in the Phantom Zone, an eternal living death.

== Dialogue ==
:'''[[w:Marlon Brando|Jor-El]]''': This is no fantasy, no careless product of wild imagination. No, my good friends. These indictments that I have brought you today... specific charges listed herein against the individuals, their acts of treason, their ultimate aim of sedition... These are matters of undeniable fact. I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused. ''[referring to Non]'' On this... this mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction. ''[referring to Ursa]'' On the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton. Finally, General Zod - once trusted by this Council, charged with maintaining the defense of the planet Krypton itself. Chief architect of this intended revolution and author of this insidious plot, to establish a &quot;New Order&quot; amongst us... with himself as absolute ruler. You have heard the evidence. The decision of the Council will now be heard.
:'''Council Member 1''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 2''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 3''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 4''': Guilty!
:'''General Zod''': The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us if you wish, and you alone will be held responsible by me. ''[Jor-El signals the Phantom Zone]'' Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before. Yours could become an important voice in the new order, second only to my own! I offer you a chance for greatness, Jor-El! Take it! Join us! You ''will'' bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! ''[screaming with rage]'' YOU ''WILL'' BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!! BOTH YOU, AND THEN ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''First Elder''': An unpleasant duty has been masterly performed, Jor-El. They have received the fate they deserved. Isolation in the Phantom Zone; an eternal living death.
:'''Jor-El''': A chance for life, nonetheless. As opposed to us...you cannot ignore these facts! It's suicide! No, it's worse. It's genocide!
:'''First Elder''': Be warned, Jor-El. The Council has already evaluated this outlandish theory of yours.
:'''Jor-El''': My friends, you know me to be neither rash nor impulsive. I'm not given to wild unsupported statements. And I tell you that we must evacuate this planet immediately!
:'''First Elder''': Jor-El, you are one of Krypton's greatest scientists.
:'''Second Elder''': Ah, yes, but so is Vond-Ah.
:'''[[w:Maria Schell|Vond-Ah]]''': It isn't that we question your data. The facts are undeniable. It's your conclusions we find unsupportable.
:'''Jor-El''': This planet will explode within thirty days... if not sooner.
:'''Vond-Ah''': I tell you Krypton is simply shifting its orbit.
:'''Second Elder''': Jor-El! Be reasonable! Let Krypton die?! Oh, never, Jor-El! This is just another one of your...mistaken fantasies.
:'''Jor-El''': My friend, I have never been otherwise. This madness is yours...to do with as you wish.
:'''First Elder''': This discussion is terminated. The decision of the Council is final. Any attempt by you to create a climate of fear and panic among the populace must be deemed by us...an act of insurrection.
:'''Jor-El''': You would accuse me of insurrection? Has it now become a crime to cherish life?
:'''First Elder''': You would be banished to endless imprisonment in the Phantom Zone...the eternal void which you yourself discovered. Will you abide by the Council's decision?
:'''Jor-El''': I will remain silent. Neither I nor my wife will attempt to leave Krypton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Executor''': The energy input to Jor-El's quarters is now in excess. Our data indicates the loss is due to a misuse of energy.
:'''First Elder''': Investigate.
:'''Second Elder''': And if the investigation proves correct?
:'''First Elder''': He knew the penalty he faced... even as a member of this Council. The law will be upheld.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Been showing off a bit, haven't you, son? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh... I didn't mean to show off, Pa.  It's just that... well, guys like that Brad, I just wanna tear 'em apart... I know I shouldn't, but... 
:'''Jonathan Kent''': I know.  You can do all these amazing things, and sometimes you think that you will just go bust unless you can tell someone about it.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah!... I mean, every time I get the ball, I can make a touchdown.  Every time! Is it showing off for a person to do what he's capable of?  Is a bird showing off when it flies?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': No!  No, now you listen to me.  When you first came to us, we thought that people would come and take you away because if they found out about the things you could do, well that worried us a lot.  But then a man gets older and he thinks very differently better, starts to see things very clear.  And there's one thing I do know, son.  And that is, you are here for a reason.  I don't know whose reason it is, or whatever the reason... maybe it's... I don't know.... but I do know one thing: it's not to score touchdowns.
:'''Clark Kent''': Thanks Dad.  C'mon Dad!  I'll race you to it! 
:'''Jonathan Kent''': You will?
:''[Both of them run to the barn.]''
:'''Clark Kent''': C'mon!  C'mon!
:''[Clark runs into the barn with his dog.  Jonathan starts having a heart attack.]''
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Oh, no. 
:''[He collapses.  Martha Kent looks over at the barn.]''
:'''Martha Kent''': Johathan... Jonathan!
:''[Clark runs out from the barn.]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Dad...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Clark Kent''': I have to leave. 
:'''Martha Kent''': I knew this time would come.  We both knew it from the day we found you. 
:'''Clark Kent''': I talked to Ben Hubbard yesterday, and he said... that he'd be happy to help out from now on. ''(struggling to maintain his composure)'' Mother... 
:'''Martha Kent''': I know, son. I know. Do you... know where you're headed? 
:'''Clark Kent''': North. 
:'''Martha Kent''': Remember us, son. Always remember us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jor-El''': My son, you do not remember me. I am Jor-El. I am your father. By now, you will have reached your 18th year as it is measured on Earth. By that reckoning, I will have been dead for many thousands of your years. The knowledge that I have, matters physical and historic, I have given you fully on your voyage to your new home. These are important matters, to be sure, but still matters of mere fact. There are questions to be asked, and it is time for you to do so. Here in this...this Fortress of Solitude, we shall try to find the answers together. So, my son, speak.
:'''Clark Kent''': Who am I?
:'''Jor-El''': Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton. Even though you have been raised as a human being, you are not one of them. You have great powers, only some of which you have as yet discovered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Golly, Miss Lane, how come you get all the best stories?
:'''Lois Lane''': A good reporter doesn't get great stories, Jimmy... 
:''[The two enter Perry White's office]''
:'''Perry White''': ''[to Clark]'' ...a good reporter makes them great.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me, Mr. White. I was wondering if, if, uh, perhaps you could arrange for half my salary to be sent to this address on a weekly basis. 
:'''Lois Lane''': Your bookie, right? 
:'''Clark Kent''': My what? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't tell me.  He sends a check every week to his sweet, grey-haired old mother.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, she's silver-haired. 
:'''Perry White''': Yeah.  I'll see what I can do.
:'''Lois Lane''': Any more at home like you? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh, not really, no.
:'''Lois Lane''': I didn't think so.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lois Lane''': So, how did you enjoy your first day on the job?
:'''Clark Kent''': Frankly, the hours were somewhat longer than I expected, but meeting you and Jimmy and Mr. White on the whole, I think it's just swell.
:'''Lois Lane''': &quot;Swell&quot;?  You know, Clark, there are very few people left in the world who feel comfortable saying that word.
:'''Clark Kent''': What word?
:'''Lois Lane''': &quot;Swell&quot;.
:'''Clark Kent''': Really?  It just sort of comes naturally to me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:[''Clark and Lois are being mugged'']
:'''Clark Kent''': [''points the Mugger's gun away from himself and Lois''] Now just a minute, mister. I realize times are tough for some these days, but this isn't the answer. You can't solve society's problems... with a gun.
:'''Mugger''': You know something, buddy? You're right. I'm gonna turn over a new leaf.
:'''Clark Kent''': Now, that's the spirit. [''to Lois''] See, he really doesn't want to hurt anybody.
:[''Mugger points the gun back at them'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh-huh.
:'''Mugger''': Right after I rip off this lady's purse. Now c'mon, lady. Hand it over.
:'''Clark Kent''': Now, Lois, I think you better... [''Lois begins to hand the Mugger her purse, but instead drops it''] Lois! What are you doing?
:[''The Mugger bends down to receive Lois' purse, but Lois kicks him in the face causing him to fire the gun. Clark Kent catches the bullet and falls over as the Mugger runs away'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark! Clark, are you okay?
:'''Clark Kent''': [''wakes up''] Golly, I... I guess I might have fainted.
:'''Lois Lane''': Fainted? You fainted!
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry. [''Lois walks away as Clark tosses the bullet aside''] Really, Lois, supposing that man had shot you? Is it worth risking your life over ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick? 
:'''Lois Lane''': How did you know that? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Know what?
:'''Lois Lane''': You just described the exact contents of my purse.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''looks in''] Hmm. Wild guess. [''runs off''] Taxi!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Lex caused a cop to get pushed in front of a train]'' 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Sick! Sick. You're really sick!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Sick, Miss Teschmacher? When I'm mere days away from executing the Crime of the Century? How do you choose to congratulate the greatest criminal mind on our time? Do you tell me that I'm brilliant? A bit obvious, that, I grant you. Charismatic, then? Fiendishly gifted?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[laughs]'' Try twisted.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, you don't know the half of it. ''[both laugh as Miss Teschmacher begins to search through a cabinet]'' Get away from there! Hey! I said get away from there!!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[closes the drawer]'' Tell me something Lex, why do so many people have to die for the Crime of the Century?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why? You ask why? Why does the phone always ring when you're in the bathtub? Why is the most brilliantly diabolical leader of our time surrounding himself with total nincompoops?
:'''Otis''': ''[enters the room]'' I'm back, Mr. Luthor.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah yes, Otis, I was just talking about you. You were followed again, weren't you? ''[Otis spins around, knocking over a lamp]'' In spite of those catlike reflexes. 
:'''Otis''': Mr. Luthor? Mr. Luthor, I'm sorry.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Otis, is that the newspaper I asked you to get me? 
:'''Otis''': ''[looks at the newspaper]'' Yeah. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why am I not reading it? 
:'''Otis''': ''[thinks for a second]'' 'Cause I haven't given it to you yet? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[smiles]'' Right. ''[snatches the newspaper from Otis' hand and reads it]'' At last it's official! ''[shows the front page of the newspaper, the headline reading &quot;TWIN NUCLEAR TESTS CONFIRMED&quot;.]'' Thanks to the generous help of the United States government, we are about to be involved in the greatest real estate swindle of all time!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what is this obsession with real estate? All the time --- land, land, land.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, when I was six years old, my father said to me...
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': &quot;Get out!&quot;
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' Nope. Before that... He said, &quot;Son... Stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse, People are no damn good, but they will always need land, and they will pay through the nose to get it. Remember,&quot; my father said...
:'''Otis''': Land.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Right. It's a pity he didn't live long enough to see how, from such humble beginnings, I've created this empire.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': An empire? This?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, how many other girls do you know who are lucky enough to have a Park Avenue address like this one?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Park Avenue address? 200 feet below?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Do you realize what they're all paying per square foot up there for a few miserable rooms off a common elevator? ''[in unison with Otis]'' What more could anyone ask?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': How about...sunshine. A night on the town instead of under it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:[''Clark changes into Superman in a revolving door'']
:'''Pimp''': Say, Jim! Whoo! 
:'''Superman''': Excuse me. 
:'''Pimp''': That's a bad outfit! [''Superman flies off''] Whoo!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman flies up, grabbing the falling Lois Lane]''
:'''Superman''': Easy, miss. I've got you. 
:'''Lois Lane''': You... you've got ''me?'' Who's got ''you?''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Having rescued Lois Lane from a crashing helicopter and lowers the helicopter on the roof. He gestures to the pilot.]''
:'''Superman''': Gentlemen, this man needs help! [''to Lois''] Well, I certainly hope this little incident hasn't put you off flying, miss. Statistically speaking, of course, it's still the safest way to travel.
:[''Superman prepare to flies away'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Wait! Who are you?
:'''Superman''': A friend. [''flies away''] Bye.
:[''Lois waves at Superman and faints'']

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman has just saved a jetliner from crashing into the sea during a thunderstorm]''
:'''Jetliner pilot #1''': What the hell happened? Did we get our engine back? What the hell is going on out there?!
:'''Jetliner pilot #2''': Fly. Don't look. Just... fly. We've got... something. I don't know what it is, but... trust me. ''[they both look out the window and see Superman holding on to the jetliner while flying]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jor-El''': You... enjoyed it.
:'''Superman''': I don’t know what to say. I guess I just got carried away.
:'''Jor-El''': I anticipated this, my son. I...
:'''Superman''': You couldn’t have! You couldn’t have imagined...
:'''Jor-El''': [''gently''] How good it felt!
:'''Superman''': How good it felt...
:'''Jor-El''': ''[couldn't resist a small smile]'' You are revealed to the world. Very well. So be it. But still you must keep your secret identity. 
:'''Superman''': Why?
:'''Jor-El''': The reasons are two: First, you cannot serve humanity 28 hours a day.
:'''Superman''': 24. 	
:'''Jor-El''': Or 24, as it is in Earth time. Your help would be called for endlessly, even for those tasks which human beings could solve themselves, because they're happy to abuse their resources in such a way. 
:'''Superman''': And secondly?
:'''Jor-El''': Second: Your enemies will discover their only way to hurt you by hurting the people you care for. 
:'''Superman''': Thank you, Father...
:'''Jor-El''': Lastly, do not punish yourself for your feelings of vanity. Simply learn to control them. It is an affliction common to all, even on Krypton...[''expression changes''] Our destruction could have been avoided but for the vanity of some who considered us indestructible. Were it not for vanity, why, at this very moment... I could embrace you in my arms [''barely audible'']...my son...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor is swimming in his pool, listening to the TV news about Superman]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher! Turn it off.
:''[Miss Teschmacher, lying under sunlamps, turns off the TV]''
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what's the story on this guy? Do you think it's the genuine article?
:'''Lex Luthor''': If he is, he's not from this world. 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Why? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Because, if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic hoax, it would have been me! Otis! My robe! 
:'''Otis''': Right away, Mr. Luthor!
:'''Lex Luthor''': It all fits somehow, his coming here to Metropolis. And at this particular time. There's a kind of cruel justice about it. I mean, to commit the crime of the century, a man naturally wants to face the challenge of the century. ''[lost in his thoughts, and stops at the top step of the pool where his feet are still submerged]''
:'''Otis''': Listen, Mr. Luthor, maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know? ''[enters the pool and starts helping Lex on with the robe, but the bottom of it then proceeds to get soaked]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[as Otis helps him putting on his robe]'' Passing through? Not on your life. Which I would gladly sacrifice, by the way, for the opportunity of destroying everything that he represents. And, Otis, by the way, next time put my robe on AFTER I've left the pool.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Perry White''': ''[to the crowd of reporters]'' Now, look. ''[throws newspapers down in succession, reading out their headlines]'' The Post: &quot;IT FLIES!&quot;  The News: &quot;LOOK MA - NO WIRES!&quot;  The Times: &quot;BLUE BOMB BUZZES METROPOLIS&quot;.  The Planet. ''[the headline on the ''Daily Planet'' reads: &quot;CAPED WONDER STUNS CITY&quot;]'' We're sitting on top of the story of the century here! I want the name of this flying whatchamacallit to go with the Daily Planet like bacon and eggs, franks and beans, death and taxes, politics and corruption!
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[raises his hand]'' I, I don't think he would, uh, lend himself to any ch-cheap promotion schemes, though, Mr. White.
:'''Perry White''': Exactly how would you know that, Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[hesitates as everyone looks at him]'' Um . . . uh, uh, j-just a first impression?
:'''Perry White''':  Well anyway, who's talking cheap? I'll make him a partner if I have to! Right?
:'''Secretary''': Right, Chief.  
:'''Perry White''': I want the real story! ''[bangs his desk.  Lois is taking notes and finds a card with a personal message on it]'' I want the inside dope on this guy! Has he got a family? Where does he live? What does the &quot;S&quot; stand for? Family? Relatives? How does he fly?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[reading a note out loud in a whisper]'' &quot;TONIGHT AT EIGHT - YOU PLACE - HOPEFULLY - A FRIEND&quot;. ''[remembers what Superman had said to her and realizes that the notes is from him]'' A friend!
:'''Perry White''': Tony, who is he? Mike, what's his name? What's he got hidden underneath that cape of his, batteries? Why did he show up last night? Dick, where does he come from? ''[to Lois]'' Does he have a girlfriend? ''[to Clark]'' What's his favorite ball team, Kent? Now listen to me! I tell you, boys and girls, whichever one of you gets it out of him is going to wind up with the single most important interview since... God talked to Moses! What are you standing around about for? Move! Get on that story!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lois Lane is waiting for Superman at her apartment]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Eight o'clock, he says eight o'clock. Hm. Some friend. ''[pours herself some wine]'' Story of my life. ''[sits down]'' Cinderella bites the dust.
:''[Superman lands at the edge of her terrace.]
:'''Superman''': Good evening, Miss Lane.  
:'''Lois Lane''': U-Uh...hi!
:'''Superman''': Oh, I'm sorry. Did you have plans this evening?
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Oh, this old thing? ...No.
:'''Superman''': Well listen, it's no trouble at all for me to come back later- 
:'''Lois Lane''': No! ''[rushes forward]'' Don't move! Um, er, uh...sure, you can move.  Um, just don't fly away, all right?
:''[Superman smiles, hops down onto the terrace, and walks forward]''
:'''Superman''': Sorry to, uh, just drop in on you like this, Miss Lane, but I've been thinking. You know, there must be a lot of questions about me that people in the world would like to know the answers to...
:'''Lois Lane''': Of course. Yes. Uh...''[begins to light a cigarette]''
:'''Superman''': Uh, you really shouldn't smoke, you know, Miss Lane.
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't tell me.  Lung cancer, right?
:''[Using his x-ray vision, Superman looks at her lungs]''
:'''Superman''': Well.  Not yet, thank goodness.
:'''Lois Lane''': Um, um, would you like a glass of wine?
:'''Superman''': Uh, no, no thanks. I never drink when I fly. Nice place.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, thank you. Thank you. Um...should we get started with that interview? ''[goes to sit down and Superman goes to get her chair]'' Oh! Huh. Thank you. ''[Superman sits down, too]'' Well, ah, let's start with your vital statistics.  Are you married? 
:'''Superman''': Uh, no.  No, I'm not.
:'''Lois Lane''': Do you have a girlfriend?
:'''Superman''': Uh, no, I don't, but, uh, if I did, Miss Lane, you'd be the first to know about it.
:'''Lois Lane''': Um, how old are you?
:'''Superman''': Over 21.  
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I get it, you don't want anyone to know how old. And how big are you? How tall are you?
:'''Superman''': Uh, 'bout six-four.
:'''Lois Lane''': Six-foot-four and, uh, how much do you weigh?
:'''Superman''': Hm, around two, two-twenty five.
:'''Lois Lane''': Two-Two-twenty five? Hm. Uh, well, um, um, I assume then that-that the rest of your bodily functions are...normal?
:'''Superman''': Sorry, beg your pardon?
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, putting it delicately.''[as she says this, she leans forward] Do you...eat?
:'''Superman''': Uh, yes.  Yes, I do.  When I'm hungry.
:'''Lois Lane''': You do? Of course you do. ''[gets up from the table and stands besides a large lead planter]'' Well, then.  Uh, is it true that uh, you can...see through anything?  
:'''Superman''': Yes, I can.  Well, pretty much.
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm-hm, and that you're, uh, totally impervious to pain?
:'''Superman''': Well, so far.
:'''Lois Lane''': What color underwear am I wearing?
:'''Superman''': ''[looking]'' Hmmm...
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I'm sorry.  I embarrassed you, didn't I?
:'''Superman''': Oh, No, no, not at all, Miss Lane, it's just that this planter must be made of lead.
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh, yes it is.  So?
:'''Superman''': Well, you see, I, uh, I sort of have a problem seeing through lead.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh! That's interesting. ''[writing]'' 'Problem seeing through lead.' Hmmm. Uh, d-do you have a first name?
:'''Superman''': What, do you mean like Ralph or something?
:'''Lois Lane''': No, no, I mean like, uh...''[walks away from the planter]''
:'''Superman''': Pink.
:'''Lois Lane''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': Pink. ''[Lois scurries back to the planter]'' Um, sorry, Miss Lane, I didn't mean to embarrass you.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, huh, you didn't embarrass me.  Um, uh, what's your background?  Uh, where do you hail from?
:'''Superman''': Well, that's kinda hard to explain actually.  See, I'm from, um, well, pretty far away.  Another galaxy, as a matter of fact.  I come from a planet called Krypton. 
:'''Lois Lane''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': Krypton.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, Krypton!  
:'''Lois Lane''': With a C-R-I?
:'''Superman''': Uh...
:'''Lois Lane''': No?
:'''Superman''': No, a-actually, it's K-R-Y-P-T-O-N.
:'''Lois Lane''': K-R-Y...do you like pink?
:'''Superman''': I like pink very much, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': Why are you?
:'''Superman''': I'm sorry?
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, w-why are you here?  There must be a reason for you to be here.
:'''Superman''': Yes.
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm-hm?
:'''Superman''': I'm here to fight for truth and justice and the American way.
:'''Lois Lane''': You're gonna end up fighting every elected official in this country!
:'''Superman''': I'm sure you don't really mean that, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[to herself]'' I don't believe this.
:'''Superman''': Lois, I never lie.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Um...uh, oh! Just how fast do you fly...by the way?
:'''Superman''': Oh, I don't know really. Y'know, I've never actually, uh, bothered to time myself.
:'''Lois Lane''': No?  
:'''Superman''': Say. Why don't we find out?
:'''Lois Lane''': And how do you propose we do that?
:'''Superman''': Take a ride with me?
:'''Lois Lane''': You mean I could fly?
:'''Superman''': Well, actually, I'd be handling the flying if that's okay.
:'''Lois Lane''': This is utterly fantastic!  
:'''Superman''': Wait, wait a minute, where are you going?
:'''Lois Lane''': Are you serious?
:'''Superman''': Sure.  What's the matter, don't you wanna go?  Okay.
:''[grabs the pad and pen.]'' 
:'''Superman''': Won't need these.
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean.  A sweater.  It must be kind of cold?
:'''Superman''': You'll be warm enough. ''[takes Lois by the hand]'' Ready?
:''[Lois stares at Superman]
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[stares at Superman]'' Clark...said that you're just a figment of somebody's imagination. Like Peter Pan.
:'''Superman''': Clark, uh. Who's that? Your boyfriend?
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark? Oh, Clark, no, he's nothing, he's just, uh...
:'''Superman''': Peter Pan, huh?
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh-huh.
:'''Superman''': Peter Pan flew with children, Lois. In a fairy tale.
:''[Superman grip Lois's shoulders, they shoot up into the night sky. Lois gasps]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Superman carries Lois back to her terrace and puts her down]''
:'''Superman''': We forgot to time ourselves. Maybe next time. ''[tarts walking back to the edge of the terrace]'': You okay?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[nodding]'' Uh-huh!
:'''Superman''': Good night.
:'''Lois Lane''': Good night. ''[watches Superman flying away, thinking to herself]'' What a super man! ''[pauses]'' Superman!
:''[Knocking is heard from her door]''
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[from behind the door]'' Anybody home? Hello? Lois? ''[Lois answers the door]'' Hi. Can I come in?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[still infatuated with Superman]'' Oh, yeah.
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, for goodness sake, didn't you hear me knocking? 
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[still in an infatuated, dream-like state]'' Uh-huh!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, we did have a date tonight, remember? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh!
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[performing a hand gesture for drinking]'' You haven't been? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh! No. No.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, I certainly hope not. Well, let's push off, shall we?
:'''Lois Lane''': I'd better get a coat. 
:''[Lois goes into the bedroom to get her coat. Clark then removes his glasses, straightens his posture, and takes a deep breath]''
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[rehearsing in Superman's voice]'' Lois, there's something I have to tell you. I'm really... ''[Lois returns with her coat, before he quickly puts on his glasses and starts slouching again, reverting back to Clark's voice,'' I mean...I ''was'' at first really nervous about tonight. But then I decided, well-Darn it, I was going to show you the time of your life.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[opening the door, still infatuated with Superman]'' That's Clark, nice.
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[exiting as well, shutting the door behind him]'' I was thinking maybe we could go for a hamburger or whatever you want to do...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor, Miss Teschmacher and Otis are reading a newspaper article titled &quot;I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SUPERMAN&quot;]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[referring to Superman]'' Now then... given the location of the galaxy that he mentions, in proximity to our own solar system...it's amazing. AMAZING! But too good to be true!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': It's too good to be true! He's 6'4&quot;, has black hair, blue eyes, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and tells the truth!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, some people can read ''War and Peace'' and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what has ''chewing gum'' got to do with the secrets of the universe?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[sighs]'' Right, Miss Teschmacher. Right.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex stands on his library sliding ladder searching for a book''] 
:'''Lex Luthor''': N... N... N...
:'''Otis''': 'M'! You want 'M', Mr. Luthor? Comin' right up! ''[moves the sliding ladder Lex is standing on, leaving Lex hanging from a shelf]'' So, there you go, 'M'. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': 'M' as in Moron, Otis? No, no, no, it's 'N'! 'N' as in Neanderthal, Nincompoop, Nitwit! And 'L' as in Ladder!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor has torn a page from a magazine from his library]''
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[reading the article]'' A meteorite found in Addis Ababa. I know I'm gonna get rapped in the mouth for this, but so what? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': So what. You mean, to us, they're just meteorites. Fair enough. But the level of specific radioactivity is so high, to anyone from the planet Krypton, this substance is lethal. 
:'''Otis''': Wait a minute, Mr. Luthor. You mean, fire and bullets can't hurt this guy, but this stuff here ... 
:'''Miss Teschmacher and Otis''': ''[in unison]'' ...will kill him! 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Doesn't it give you, like, a shudder of electricity to be in the same room with me? 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Not like the shudder you're gonna get when you try to lay that rock on him. He can see you coming for miles with those super-peepers of his. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': &quot;Oh, Lord. You gave them eyes, yet they cannot see.&quot; Nor can Superman, through lead. 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''understanding]'' He can't see through lead! 
:'''Lex Luthor''': And Kryptonite will destroy him. Any questions, class?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[thinking to herself]'' I wonder what they're wearing in Addis Ababa?
:'''Otis''': ''[looking at the picture in the article]'' Looks like a burnoose. ''[gasps]'' Are we going to Addis Ababa, Mr. Luthor?
:''[Lex, in a resigned look, shakes his head, puts his hand to his forehead and closes his eyes]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lois Lane''': As you know, my newspaper, the Daily Planet, is very interested in that dam, Chief, but what I don't understand is why you would sell out to a faceless person that you've never met. I mean, you don't even know his name.
:'''Indian Chief''': At the stupid high price that he offered for this worthless piece of desert, I hope it's Custer!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman breaks down Lex Luthor's door]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': It's open, come in. My attorney will be in touch with you about the damage to the door. Otis, take the gentleman's cape. 
:'''Otis''': ''[approaches Superman, who glares at him]'' I don't think he wants me to, Mr. Luthor.
:'''Superman''': All right, Luthor. Where's the gas pellet?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Somewhere...hidden in the back of my mind, actually. It's a little idea I was toying with.
:'''Superman''': Is that how a warped brain like yours gets its kicks? By planning the death of innocent people?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No. By ''causing'' the death of innocent people.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[pointing to a map of California and the San Andreas Fault]'' Everything west of this line is the richest, most expensive real estate in the world: San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco. Everything on ''this'' side of the line is just hundreds and hundreds of miles of worthless desert land, which just so happens to be owned by...''[whaps Otis with his pointer]''
:'''Otis''': Uhhh...Lex Luthor, Incorporated.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Now, call me foolish, call me irresponsible, it occurs to me that a 500 megaton bomb planted at just the proper point would, uh...
:'''Superman''': Would destroy most of California. Millions of innocent people would be killed. And the West Coast as we know it would- 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Fall into the sea. Bye-bye, California. Hello, new West Coast. ''My'' West Coast. ''[Otis overlays map with new map]''  
:'''Lex Luthor''': Costa Del Lex. Luthorville. Marina del Lex. Otisburg...Otisburg?
:'''Otis''': Miss Teschmacher, she's got her own place. ''[&quot;Teschmacher Peaks&quot;]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Otisburg?
:'''Otis''': It's a little bitty place.
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[angrily]'' Otisburg?!
:'''Otis''': Okay, I'll just wipe it off, that's all. It's just a little town. ''[erases Otisburg]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Superman flies away to stop the earthquake...again]''
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Golly, Miss Lane, it's too bad Mr. Kent wasn't here to see all this.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, poor Clark! He's never around when you...wait a minute, wait a minute....''[shrugs her shoulders]'' Lois Lane, that is the silliest idea you've ever had...
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Let me tell you something, Miss Lane: I think he really cares about you.
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark? Of course he does.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': No, not Clark. ''[looks up in the sky]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh... well, uh ... Superman cares about everybody, Jimmy. But, uh .... who knows, someday, y'know, maybe if he's lucky...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:''[Superman has just arrived at the jailhouse with Luthor and his bumbling sidekick Otis. Both men are bossing him around as he lowers them and himself to the ground]''
:'''Superman''': Good evening, Warden. I think these two men should be safe here with you now till they can get a fair trial.
:'''Warden''': Who is it, Superman?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[removes his wig to reveal his bald head]'' Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind of our time! 
:'''Otis''': Of our time!
:'''Lex Luthor''': I hereby serve notice-
:'''Otis''': He's serving notice to you-
:'''Lex Luthor''': ...that these walls-
:'''Otis''': That these walls here-
:'''Lex Luthor''':''[to Otis]'' Would you shut up, please! Ya fat, li'l fool!
:'''Superman''': Alright, take 'em away, boys!
:''[Luthor and Otis continue their verbal bickering as the guards escort them into the prison]''
:'''Warden''': This country is safe again, Superman, thanks to you.
:'''Superman''': No, sir. Don't thank me, Warden. We're all part of the same team. Good night.

== About ''Superman (1978 film)'' ==

* It was Tom Mankiewicz. I had known him since he graduated Yale as an “intellectual writer” who found himself writing James Bond [with his scripts for the 1970s films “Diamonds Are Forever,” “Live and Let Die” and “The Man with the Golden Gun“] but always wanted to write something that was going to change the world. When we read what we had and we got permission for rewrite, I approached Tom and told him I was looking for two things: One, we have to convince the audience that a guy can really fly; the other is that this has to be a love story. The minute he heard that, he cottoned to it and decided to make the movie. I have a little cutout of Superman, it shows him flying in the cloud, and he was dragging a word on his cape: Verisimilitude. It came from Tom. We wanted to do this — and it’s a comic book, but it had to have its own sense of reality. You don’t parody it. That was the most important decision.
** Richard Donner [http://herocomplex.latimes.com/movies/richard-donner-no-one-will-every-play-superman-the-way-christopher-reeve-did/ &quot;Richard Donner: No one will ever play Superman the way Christopher Reeve did&quot;], Geoff Boucher, ''LA Times: Hero Complex'', June 1, 2011.

== Taglines ==
* You'll Believe a Man Can Fly!
* The movie that makes a legend come to life.
* Look, up on the screen! It's Superman!
* ''[from trailer]'' Once there was a civilisation much like ours, but with greater intelligence, greater powers, and a greater capacity for good. In one tragic moment, that world was destroyed. But there was one survivor. Because of the wisdom and compassion of Jor-El, because he knew the human race had the capacity for goodness, he sent us his only son. His name is Kal-El. He will call himself Clark Kent. But the world will know him... as Superman.

== Cast ==
* [[Marlon Brando]] - Jor-El
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] - Lex Luthor
* [[Christopher Reeve]] - Superman/Clark Kent
* [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]] - Lois Lane
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] - Otis
* [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]] - Perry White
* [[w:Glenn Ford|Glenn Ford]] - Jonathan Kent
* [[w:Trevor Howard|Trevor Howard]] - 1st Elder
* [[w:Jack O'Halloran|Jack O'Halloran]] - Non
* [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]] - Eve Teschmacher
* [[w:Maria Schell|Maria Schell]] - Vond-Ah
* [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]] - General Zod 
* [[w:Phyllis Thaxter|Phyllis Thaxter]] - Martha Kent
* [[w:Susannah York|Susannah York]] - Lara
* [[w:Jeff East|Jeff East]] - Young Clark Kent
* [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]] - Jimmy Olsen
* [[w:Sarah Douglas|Sarah Douglas]] - Ursa
* [[w:Harry Andrews|Harry Andrews]] - 2nd Elder

== See also ==
* ''[[Superman II]]'' ([[w:1980 in film|1980]])
* ''[[Superman III]]'' ([[w:1983 in film|1983]])
* ''[[Superman IV: The Quest for Peace]]'' ([[w:1987 in film|1987]])
* ''[[Superman Returns]]'' ([[w:2006 in film|2006]])
* ''[[Man of Steel (film)|Man of Steel]]'' ([[w:2013 in film|2013]])
* ''[[Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice]]'' ([[w:2016 in film|2016]])

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Superman (1978 film)}}
*{{imdb title|id=0078346|title=Superman: The Movie}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_the_movie|title=Superman: The Movie}}
*The Official [http://www2.warnerbros.com/superman/home.html] Site

{{DEFAULTSORT:Superman 1}}
[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:1978 films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Crime films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Time travel films]]
[[Category:Journalist films]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]</text>
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[[File:Superman S symbol.svg |thumb|right|Your name is Kal-El. You are the only [[survivor]] of the planet Krypton. Even though you have been raised as a [[human]] being, you are not one of them. You have great [[powers]], only some of which you have as yet discovered.]]
'''''[[w:Superman (1978 film)|Superman]]''''' (informally titled '''''Superman: The Movie''''' in some listings and reference sources) is a 1978 &lt;!-- Please do not add British-American per WP:FILMLEAD. --&gt; [[w:superhero film|superhero film]] directed by [[w:Richard Donner|Richard Donner]]. It is based on the [[w:DC Comics|DC Comics]] character of the [[w:Superman|same name]] and stars [[Marlon Brando]], [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]], [[Christopher Reeve]], [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]], [[w:Glenn Ford|Glenn Ford]], [[w:Phyllis Thaxter|Phyllis Thaxter]], [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]], [[w:Trevor Howard|Trevor Howard]], [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]], [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]], [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]], and [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]]. The film depicts [[w:Origin of Superman|Superman's origin]], including his infancy as Kal-El of [[w:Krypton (comics)|Krypton]] and his youthful years in the rural town of [[w:Smallville (comics)|Smallville]]. Disguised as reporter [[w:Clark Kent|Clark Kent]], he adopts a mild-mannered disposition in [[w:Metropolis (comics)|Metropolis]] and develops a romance with [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]], while battling the villainous [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]].
{{center|'''You'll Believe a Man Can Fly!''' &lt;small&gt;[[#taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Lois Lane ==
* ''[voiceover]'' Can you read my mind?  Do you know what it is that you do to me?  I don't know who you are.  Just a friend from another star.  Here I am, like a kid out of school.  Holding hands with a god.  I'm a fool.  Will you look at me?  Quivering.  Like a little girl, shivering.  You can see right through me.  Can you read my mind?  Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?  Wondering why you are... all the wonderful things you are.  You can fly.  You belong in the sky.  You and I... could belong to each other.  If you need a friend... I'm the one to fly to.  If you need to be loved... here I am.  Read my mind.

== Jor-El ==
* A chance for life, nonetheless... as opposed to us, you cannot ignore these facts! It's SUICIDE! No, it's worse. It's GENOCIDE...!
*''(answering criticism from the Council leader)'' My friends, you know me to be neither rash nor impulsive. I'm not given... to wild, unsupported statements. And I tell you we must evacuate this planet immediately!
* ''[As he bids his infant son farewell before sending him to Earth]'' You will travel far, my little Kal-El. But we will never leave you... even in the face of our deaths... the richness of our lives shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more I... I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you... all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father, the son. This is all I ... all I can send you, Kal-El.
* Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. Always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El; they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son.

== Lex Luthor ==
* ''[watching Otis approaching the hideout]'' It's amazing that brain can generate enough power to keep those legs moving.
* Because if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic hoax, it would've been me!
* This is Lex Luthor. Only one thing alive with less than four legs can hear this frequency, Superman, and that's you. In approximately five minutes, a poison gas pellet containing propane lithium compound will be released through thousands of air ducts in the city, effectively annihilating half the population of Metropolis.
* I told you. That's Kryptonite, Superman. Little souvenir from the old home town. I spared no expense to make you feel right at home. 
* ''[after he's explained how a meteor from Krypton can kill Superman]'' Doesn't it give you kind of a, a, a.... shudder.... of electricity through you to be in the same room with me?
* ''[repeated line; screams bloody murder]'' MISS TESCHMACHER-R-R-R-R-R!!!!
* I have to leave you now. No hard feelings. We all have our little faults. Mine's in California. 
* ''[to Otis]'' Do you know why the number 200 is so vitally descriptive to both you and me? It's your weight and my I.Q.
* Some can read ''War and Peace'' and come away thinking it's an adventure story. Others can open the wrappers of chewing gum and unlock the secrets of the universe.
* You were great in your day, Superman. But it just stands to reason, when it came time to cash in your chips, this old &quot;diseased maniac&quot; would be your banker. Mind over muscle?
* There's a strong streak of good in you, Superman. But then nobody's perfect.... almost nobody.

== Superman ==
* [''A cat burglar is climbing up the side of a building. He looks up and sees Superman standing there''] Hi there. Something wrong with the elevator?
* [''Superman lands holding a cat burglar''] Officer! Uh, good evening, Officer Mooney. Well, they say confession's good for the soul.[''takes a handful of stolen jewelry out of the burglar's bag''] I'd listen to this man. Take him away.
* [''After getting &quot;clubbed&quot; on the head by a crowbar by a thief''] Bad vibrations?

== Perry White ==
* Lois, Clark Kent may seem like just a mild-mannered reporter, but listen, not only does he know how to treat his editor-in-chief with the proper respect, not only does he have a snappy, punchy prose style, but he is, in my forty years in this business, the fastest typist I've ever seen.

== Jimmy Olsen ==
* ''[to Clark]'' Hey, dork. Jimmy Olsen.

== Others ==
* '''Boy''': [''opening narration''] In the decade of the 1930s, even the great city of Metropolis was not spared the ravages of the worldwide depression. In the times of fear and confusion the job of informing the public was the responsibility of the Daily Planet. A great metropolitan newspaper, whose reputation for clarity and truth had become a symbol of hope for the city of Metropolis.
* '''Miss Teschmacher''': Why is it I can't get it on with the good guys?
* '''Desk Sergeant''': [''on seeing a boat in the middle of the street and Superman flying off''] Mooney, first bottle's on me, let me get my hat.
* '''[[w:Trevor Howard|First Elder]]''': [''in the &quot;extended&quot; version of the film... following the trial and sentencing of General Zod and &quot;Company&quot;''] An unpleasant duty has been masterfully performed, Jor-El. They have received the fate they deserved: isolation in the Phantom Zone, an eternal living death.

== Dialogue ==
:'''[[w:Marlon Brando|Jor-El]]''': This is no fantasy, no careless product of wild imagination. No, my good friends. These indictments that I have brought you today... specific charges listed herein against the individuals, their acts of treason, their ultimate aim of sedition... These are matters of undeniable fact. I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused. ''[referring to Non]'' On this... this mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction. ''[referring to Ursa]'' On the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton. Finally, General Zod - once trusted by this Council, charged with maintaining the defense of the planet Krypton itself. Chief architect of this intended revolution and author of this insidious plot, to establish a &quot;New Order&quot; amongst us... with himself as absolute ruler. You have heard the evidence. The decision of the Council will now be heard.
:'''Council Member 1''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 2''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 3''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 4''': Guilty!
:'''General Zod''': The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us if you wish, and you alone will be held responsible by me. ''[Jor-El signals the Phantom Zone]'' Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before. Yours could become an important voice in the new order, second only to my own! I offer you a chance for greatness, Jor-El! Take it! Join us! You ''will'' bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! ''[screaming with rage]'' YOU ''WILL'' BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!! BOTH YOU, AND THEN ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''First Elder''': An unpleasant duty has been masterly performed, Jor-El. They have received the fate they deserved. Isolation in the Phantom Zone; an eternal living death.
:'''Jor-El''': A chance for life, nonetheless. As opposed to us...you cannot ignore these facts! It's suicide! No, it's worse. It's genocide!
:'''First Elder''': Be warned, Jor-El. The Council has already evaluated this outlandish theory of yours.
:'''Jor-El''': My friends, you know me to be neither rash nor impulsive. I'm not given to wild unsupported statements. And I tell you that we must evacuate this planet immediately!
:'''First Elder''': Jor-El, you are one of Krypton's greatest scientists.
:'''Second Elder''': Ah, yes, but so is Vond-Ah.
:'''[[w:Maria Schell|Vond-Ah]]''': It isn't that we question your data. The facts are undeniable. It's your conclusions we find unsupportable.
:'''Jor-El''': This planet will explode within thirty days... if not sooner.
:'''Vond-Ah''': I tell you Krypton is simply shifting its orbit.
:'''Second Elder''': Jor-El! Be reasonable! Let Krypton die?! Oh, never, Jor-El! This is just another one of your...mistaken fantasies.
:'''Jor-El''': My friend, I have never been otherwise. This madness is yours...to do with as you wish.
:'''First Elder''': This discussion is terminated. The decision of the Council is final. Any attempt by you to create a climate of fear and panic among the populace must be deemed by us...an act of insurrection.
:'''Jor-El''': You would accuse me of insurrection? Has it now become a crime to cherish life?
:'''First Elder''': You would be banished to endless imprisonment in the Phantom Zone...the eternal void which you yourself discovered. Will you abide by the Council's decision?
:'''Jor-El''': I will remain silent. Neither I nor my wife will attempt to leave Krypton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Executor''': The energy input to Jor-El's quarters is now in excess. Our data indicates the loss is due to a misuse of energy.
:'''First Elder''': Investigate.
:'''Second Elder''': And if the investigation proves correct?
:'''First Elder''': He knew the penalty he faced... even as a member of this Council. The law will be upheld.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Been showing off a bit, haven't you, son? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh... I didn't mean to show off, Pa.  It's just that... well, guys like that Brad, I just wanna tear 'em apart... I know I shouldn't, but... 
:'''Jonathan Kent''': I know.  You can do all these amazing things, and sometimes you think that you will just go bust unless you can tell someone about it.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah!... I mean, every time I get the ball, I can make a touchdown.  Every time! Is it showing off for a person to do what he's capable of?  Is a bird showing off when it flies?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': No!  No, now you listen to me.  When you first came to us, we thought that people would come and take you away because if they found out about the things you could do, well that worried us a lot.  But then a man gets older and he thinks very differently better, starts to see things very clear.  And there's one thing I do know, son.  And that is, you are here for a reason.  I don't know whose reason it is, or whatever the reason... maybe it's... I don't know.... but I do know one thing: it's not to score touchdowns.
:'''Clark Kent''': Thanks Dad.  C'mon Dad!  I'll race you to it! 
:'''Jonathan Kent''': You will?
:''[Both of them run to the barn.]''
:'''Clark Kent''': C'mon!  C'mon!
:''[Clark runs into the barn with his dog.  Jonathan starts having a heart attack.]''
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Oh, no. 
:''[He collapses.  Martha Kent looks over at the barn.]''
:'''Martha Kent''': Johathan... Jonathan!
:''[Clark runs out from the barn.]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Dad...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Clark Kent''': I have to leave. 
:'''Martha Kent''': I knew this time would come.  We both knew it from the day we found you. 
:'''Clark Kent''': I talked to Ben Hubbard yesterday, and he said... that he'd be happy to help out from now on. ''(struggling to maintain his composure)'' Mother... 
:'''Martha Kent''': I know, son. I know. Do you... know where you're headed? 
:'''Clark Kent''': North. 
:'''Martha Kent''': Remember us, son. Always remember us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jor-El''': My son, you do not remember me. I am Jor-El. I am your father. By now, you will have reached your 18th year as it is measured on Earth. By that reckoning, I will have been dead for many thousands of your years. The knowledge that I have, matters physical and historic, I have given you fully on your voyage to your new home. These are important matters, to be sure, but still matters of mere fact. There are questions to be asked, and it is time for you to do so. Here in this...this Fortress of Solitude, we shall try to find the answers together. So, my son, speak.
:'''Clark Kent''': Who am I?
:'''Jor-El''': Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton. Even though you have been raised as a human being, you are not one of them. You have great powers, only some of which you have as yet discovered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Golly, Miss Lane, how come you get all the best stories?
:'''Lois Lane''': A good reporter doesn't get great stories, Jimmy... 
:''[The two enter Perry White's office]''
:'''Perry White''': ''[to Clark]'' ...a good reporter makes them great.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me, Mr. White. I was wondering if, if, uh, perhaps you could arrange for half my salary to be sent to this address on a weekly basis. 
:'''Lois Lane''': Your bookie, right? 
:'''Clark Kent''': My what? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't tell me.  He sends a check every week to his sweet, grey-haired old mother.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, she's silver-haired. 
:'''Perry White''': Yeah.  I'll see what I can do.
:'''Lois Lane''': Any more at home like you? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh, not really, no.
:'''Lois Lane''': I didn't think so.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lois Lane''': So, how did you enjoy your first day on the job?
:'''Clark Kent''': Frankly, the hours were somewhat longer than I expected, but meeting you and Jimmy and Mr. White on the whole, I think it's just swell.
:'''Lois Lane''': &quot;Swell&quot;?  You know, Clark, there are very few people left in the world who feel comfortable saying that word.
:'''Clark Kent''': What word?
:'''Lois Lane''': &quot;Swell&quot;.
:'''Clark Kent''': Really?  It just sort of comes naturally to me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:[''Clark and Lois are being mugged'']
:'''Clark Kent''': [''points the Mugger's gun away from himself and Lois''] Now just a minute, mister. I realize times are tough for some these days, but this isn't the answer. You can't solve society's problems... with a gun.
:'''Mugger''': You know something, buddy? You're right. I'm gonna turn over a new leaf.
:'''Clark Kent''': Now, that's the spirit. [''to Lois''] See, he really doesn't want to hurt anybody.
:[''Mugger points the gun back at them'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh-huh.
:'''Mugger''': Right after I rip off this lady's purse. Now c'mon, lady. Hand it over.
:'''Clark Kent''': Now, Lois, I think you better... [''Lois begins to hand the Mugger her purse, but instead drops it''] Lois! What are you doing?
:[''The Mugger bends down to receive Lois' purse, but Lois kicks him in the face causing him to fire the gun. Clark Kent catches the bullet and falls over as the Mugger runs away'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark! Clark, are you okay?
:'''Clark Kent''': [''wakes up''] Golly, I... I guess I might have fainted.
:'''Lois Lane''': Fainted? You fainted!
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry. [''Lois walks away as Clark tosses the bullet aside''] Really, Lois, supposing that man had shot you? Is it worth risking your life over ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick? 
:'''Lois Lane''': How did you know that? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Know what?
:'''Lois Lane''': You just described the exact contents of my purse.
:'''Clark Kent''': [''looks in''] Hmm. Wild guess. [''runs off''] Taxi!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Lex caused a cop to get pushed in front of a train]'' 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Sick! Sick. You're really sick!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Sick, Miss Teschmacher? When I'm mere days away from executing the Crime of the Century? How do you choose to congratulate the greatest criminal mind on our time? Do you tell me that I'm brilliant? A bit obvious, that, I grant you. Charismatic, then? Fiendishly gifted?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[laughs]'' Try twisted.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, you don't know the half of it. ''[both laugh as Miss Teschmacher begins to search through a cabinet]'' Get away from there! Hey! I said get away from there!!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[closes the drawer]'' Tell me something Lex, why do so many people have to die for the Crime of the Century?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why? You ask why? Why does the phone always ring when you're in the bathtub? Why is the most brilliantly diabolical leader of our time surrounding himself with total nincompoops?
:'''Otis''': ''[enters the room]'' I'm back, Mr. Luthor.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah yes, Otis, I was just talking about you. You were followed again, weren't you? ''[Otis spins around, knocking over a lamp]'' In spite of those catlike reflexes. 
:'''Otis''': Mr. Luthor? Mr. Luthor, I'm sorry.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Otis, is that the newspaper I asked you to get me? 
:'''Otis''': ''[looks at the newspaper]'' Yeah. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why am I not reading it? 
:'''Otis''': ''[thinks for a second]'' 'Cause I haven't given it to you yet? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[smiles]'' Right. ''[snatches the newspaper from Otis' hand and reads it]'' At last it's official! ''[shows the front page of the newspaper, the headline reading &quot;TWIN NUCLEAR TESTS CONFIRMED&quot;.]'' Thanks to the generous help of the United States government, we are about to be involved in the greatest real estate swindle of all time!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what is this obsession with real estate? All the time --- land, land, land.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, when I was six years old, my father said to me...
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': &quot;Get out!&quot;
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' Nope. Before that... He said, &quot;Son... Stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse, People are no damn good, but they will always need land, and they will pay through the nose to get it. Remember,&quot; my father said...
:'''Otis''': Land.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Right. It's a pity he didn't live long enough to see how, from such humble beginnings, I've created this empire.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': An empire? This?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, how many other girls do you know who are lucky enough to have a Park Avenue address like this one?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Park Avenue address? 200 feet below?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Do you realize what they're all paying per square foot up there for a few miserable rooms off a common elevator? ''[in unison with Otis]'' What more could anyone ask?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': How about...sunshine. A night on the town instead of under it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:[''Clark changes into Superman in a revolving door'']
:'''Pimp''': Say, Jim! Whoo! 
:'''Superman''': Excuse me. 
:'''Pimp''': That's a bad outfit! [''Superman flies off''] Whoo!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman flies up, grabbing the falling Lois Lane]''
:'''Superman''': Easy, miss. I've got you. 
:'''Lois Lane''': You... you've got ''me?'' Who's got ''you?''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Having rescued Lois Lane from a crashing helicopter and lowers the helicopter on the roof. He gestures to the pilot.]''
:'''Superman''': Gentlemen, this man needs help! [''to Lois''] Well, I certainly hope this little incident hasn't put you off flying, miss. Statistically speaking, of course, it's still the safest way to travel.
:[''Superman prepare to flies away'']
:'''Lois Lane''': Wait! Who are you?
:'''Superman''': A friend. [''flies away''] Bye.
:[''Lois waves at Superman and faints'']

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman has just saved a jetliner from crashing into the sea during a thunderstorm]''
:'''Jetliner pilot #1''': What the hell happened? Did we get our engine back? What the hell is going on out there?!
:'''Jetliner pilot #2''': Fly. Don't look. Just... fly. We've got... something. I don't know what it is, but... trust me. ''[they both look out the window and see Superman holding on to the jetliner while flying]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jor-El''': You... enjoyed it.
:'''Superman''': I don’t know what to say. I guess I just got carried away.
:'''Jor-El''': I anticipated this, my son. I...
:'''Superman''': You couldn’t have! You couldn’t have imagined...
:'''Jor-El''': [''gently''] How good it felt!
:'''Superman''': How good it felt...
:'''Jor-El''': ''[couldn't resist a small smile]'' You are revealed to the world. Very well. So be it. But still you must keep your secret identity. 
:'''Superman''': Why?
:'''Jor-El''': The reasons are two: First, you cannot serve humanity 28 hours a day.
:'''Superman''': 24. 	
:'''Jor-El''': Or 24, as it is in Earth time. Your help would be called for endlessly, even for those tasks which human beings could solve themselves, because they're happy to abuse their resources in such a way. 
:'''Superman''': And secondly?
:'''Jor-El''': Second: Your enemies will discover their only way to hurt you by hurting the people you care for. 
:'''Superman''': Thank you, Father...
:'''Jor-El''': Lastly, do not punish yourself for your feelings of vanity. Simply learn to control them. It is an affliction common to all, even on Krypton...[''expression changes''] Our destruction could have been avoided but for the vanity of some who considered us indestructible. Were it not for vanity, why, at this very moment... I could embrace you in my arms [''barely audible'']...my son...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor is swimming in his pool, listening to the TV news about Superman]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher! Turn it off.
:''[Miss Teschmacher, lying under sunlamps, turns off the TV]''
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what's the story on this guy? Do you think it's the genuine article?
:'''Lex Luthor''': If he is, he's not from this world. 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Why? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Because, if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic hoax, it would have been me! Otis! My robe! 
:'''Otis''': Right away, Mr. Luthor!
:'''Lex Luthor''': It all fits somehow, his coming here to Metropolis. And at this particular time. There's a kind of cruel justice about it. I mean, to commit the crime of the century, a man naturally wants to face the challenge of the century. ''[lost in his thoughts, and stops at the top step of the pool where his feet are still submerged]''
:'''Otis''': Listen, Mr. Luthor, maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know? ''[enters the pool and starts helping Lex on with the robe, but the bottom of it then proceeds to get soaked]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[as Otis helps him putting on his robe]'' Passing through? Not on your life. Which I would gladly sacrifice, by the way, for the opportunity of destroying everything that he represents. And, Otis, by the way, next time put my robe on AFTER I've left the pool.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Perry White''': ''[to the crowd of reporters]'' Now, look. ''[throws newspapers down in succession, reading out their headlines]'' The Post: &quot;IT FLIES!&quot;  The News: &quot;LOOK MA - NO WIRES!&quot;  The Times: &quot;BLUE BOMB BUZZES METROPOLIS&quot;.  The Planet. ''[the headline on the ''Daily Planet'' reads: &quot;CAPED WONDER STUNS CITY&quot;]'' We're sitting on top of the story of the century here! I want the name of this flying whatchamacallit to go with the Daily Planet like bacon and eggs, franks and beans, death and taxes, politics and corruption!
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[raises his hand]'' I, I don't think he would, uh, lend himself to any ch-cheap promotion schemes, though, Mr. White.
:'''Perry White''': Exactly how would you know that, Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[hesitates as everyone looks at him]'' Um . . . uh, uh, j-just a first impression?
:'''Perry White''':  Well anyway, who's talking cheap? I'll make him a partner if I have to! Right?
:'''Secretary''': Right, Chief.  
:'''Perry White''': I want the real story! ''[bangs his desk.  Lois is taking notes and finds a card with a personal message on it]'' I want the inside dope on this guy! Has he got a family? Where does he live? What does the &quot;S&quot; stand for? Family? Relatives? How does he fly?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[reading a note out loud in a whisper]'' &quot;TONIGHT AT EIGHT - YOU PLACE - HOPEFULLY - A FRIEND&quot;. ''[remembers what Superman had said to her and realizes that the notes is from him]'' A friend!
:'''Perry White''': Tony, who is he? Mike, what's his name? What's he got hidden underneath that cape of his, batteries? Why did he show up last night? Dick, where does he come from? ''[to Lois]'' Does he have a girlfriend? ''[to Clark]'' What's his favorite ball team, Kent? Now listen to me! I tell you, boys and girls, whichever one of you gets it out of him is going to wind up with the single most important interview since... God talked to Moses! What are you standing around about for? Move! Get on that story!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lois Lane is waiting for Superman at her apartment]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Eight o'clock, he says eight o'clock. Hm. Some friend. ''[pours herself some wine]'' Story of my life. ''[sits down]'' Cinderella bites the dust.
:''[Superman lands at the edge of her terrace.]
:'''Superman''': Good evening, Miss Lane.  
:'''Lois Lane''': U-Uh...hi!
:'''Superman''': Oh, I'm sorry. Did you have plans this evening?
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Oh, this old thing? ...No.
:'''Superman''': Well listen, it's no trouble at all for me to come back later- 
:'''Lois Lane''': No! ''[rushes forward]'' Don't move! Um, er, uh...sure, you can move.  Um, just don't fly away, all right?
:'''Superman''': ''[smiles, hops down onto the terrace, and walks forward]'' Sorry to, uh, just drop in on you like this, Miss Lane, but I've been thinking. You know, there must be a lot of questions about me that people in the world would like to know the answers to...
:'''Lois Lane''': Of course. Yes. Uh...''[begins to light a cigarette]''
:'''Superman''': Uh, you really shouldn't smoke, you know, Miss Lane.
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't tell me.  Lung cancer, right?
:''[Using his x-ray vision, Superman looks at her lungs]''
:'''Superman''': Well.  Not yet, thank goodness.
:'''Lois Lane''': Um, um, would you like a glass of wine?
:'''Superman''': Uh, no, no thanks. I never drink when I fly. Nice place.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, thank you. Thank you. Um...should we get started with that interview? ''[goes to sit down and Superman goes to get her chair]'' Oh! Huh. Thank you. ''[Superman sits down, too]'' Well, ah, let's start with your vital statistics.  Are you married? 
:'''Superman''': Uh, no.  No, I'm not.
:'''Lois Lane''': Do you have a girlfriend?
:'''Superman''': Uh, no, I don't, but, uh, if I did, Miss Lane, you'd be the first to know about it.
:'''Lois Lane''': Um, how old are you?
:'''Superman''': Over 21.  
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I get it, you don't want anyone to know how old. And how big are you? How tall are you?
:'''Superman''': Uh, 'bout six-four.
:'''Lois Lane''': Six-foot-four and, uh, how much do you weigh?
:'''Superman''': Hm, around two, two-twenty five.
:'''Lois Lane''': Two-Two-twenty five? Hm. Uh, well, um, um, I assume then that-that the rest of your bodily functions are...normal?
:'''Superman''': Sorry, beg your pardon?
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, putting it delicately.''[as she says this, she leans forward] Do you...eat?
:'''Superman''': Uh, yes.  Yes, I do.  When I'm hungry.
:'''Lois Lane''': You do? Of course you do. ''[gets up from the table and stands besides a large lead planter]'' Well, then.  Uh, is it true that uh, you can...see through anything?  
:'''Superman''': Yes, I can.  Well, pretty much.
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm-hm, and that you're, uh, totally impervious to pain?
:'''Superman''': Well, so far.
:'''Lois Lane''': What color underwear am I wearing?
:'''Superman''': ''[looking]'' Hmmm...
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I'm sorry.  I embarrassed you, didn't I?
:'''Superman''': Oh, No, no, not at all, Miss Lane, it's just that this planter must be made of lead.
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh, yes it is.  So?
:'''Superman''': Well, you see, I, uh, I sort of have a problem seeing through lead.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh! That's interesting. ''[writing]'' 'Problem seeing through lead.' Hmmm. Uh, d-do you have a first name?
:'''Superman''': What, do you mean like Ralph or something?
:'''Lois Lane''': No, no, I mean like, uh...''[walks away from the planter]''
:'''Superman''': Pink.
:'''Lois Lane''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': Pink. ''[Lois scurries back to the planter]'' Um, sorry, Miss Lane, I didn't mean to embarrass you.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, huh, you didn't embarrass me.  Um, uh, what's your background?  Uh, where do you hail from?
:'''Superman''': Well, that's kinda hard to explain actually.  See, I'm from, um, well, pretty far away.  Another galaxy, as a matter of fact.  I come from a planet called Krypton. 
:'''Lois Lane''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': Krypton.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, Krypton!  
:'''Lois Lane''': With a C-R-I?
:'''Superman''': Uh...
:'''Lois Lane''': No?
:'''Superman''': No, a-actually, it's K-R-Y-P-T-O-N.
:'''Lois Lane''': K-R-Y...do you like pink?
:'''Superman''': I like pink very much, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': Why are you?
:'''Superman''': I'm sorry?
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, w-why are you here?  There must be a reason for you to be here.
:'''Superman''': Yes.
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm-hm?
:'''Superman''': I'm here to fight for truth and justice and the American way.
:'''Lois Lane''': You're gonna end up fighting every elected official in this country!
:'''Superman''': I'm sure you don't really mean that, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[to herself]'' I don't believe this.
:'''Superman''': Lois, I never lie.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Um...uh, oh! Just how fast do you fly...by the way?
:'''Superman''': Oh, I don't know really. Y'know, I've never actually, uh, bothered to time myself.
:'''Lois Lane''': No?  
:'''Superman''': Say. Why don't we find out?
:'''Lois Lane''': And how do you propose we do that?
:'''Superman''': Take a ride with me?
:'''Lois Lane''': You mean I could fly?
:'''Superman''': Well, actually, I'd be handling the flying if that's okay.
:'''Lois Lane''': This is utterly fantastic!  
:'''Superman''': Wait, wait a minute, where are you going?
:'''Lois Lane''': Are you serious?
:'''Superman''': Sure.  What's the matter, don't you wanna go?  Okay.
:''[grabs the pad and pen.]'' 
:'''Superman''': Won't need these.
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean.  A sweater.  It must be kind of cold?
:'''Superman''': You'll be warm enough. ''[takes Lois by the hand]'' Ready?
:''[Lois stares at Superman]
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[stares at Superman]'' Clark...said that you're just a figment of somebody's imagination. Like Peter Pan.
:'''Superman''': Clark, uh. Who's that? Your boyfriend?
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark? Oh, Clark, no, he's nothing, he's just, uh...
:'''Superman''': Peter Pan, huh?
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh-huh.
:'''Superman''': Peter Pan flew with children, Lois. In a fairy tale.
:''[Superman grip Lois's shoulders, they shoot up into the night sky. Lois gasps]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Superman carries Lois back to her terrace and puts her down]''
:'''Superman''': We forgot to time ourselves. Maybe next time. ''[tarts walking back to the edge of the terrace]'': You okay?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[nodding]'' Uh-huh!
:'''Superman''': Good night.
:'''Lois Lane''': Good night. ''[watches Superman flying away, thinking to herself]'' What a super man! ''[pauses]'' Superman!
:''[Knocking is heard from her door]''
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[from behind the door]'' Anybody home? Hello? Lois? ''[Lois answers the door]'' Hi. Can I come in?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[still infatuated with Superman]'' Oh, yeah.
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, for goodness sake, didn't you hear me knocking? 
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[still in an infatuated, dream-like state]'' Uh-huh!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, we did have a date tonight, remember? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh!
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[performing a hand gesture for drinking]'' You haven't been? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh! No. No.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, I certainly hope not. Well, let's push off, shall we?
:'''Lois Lane''': I'd better get a coat. 
:''[Lois goes into the bedroom to get her coat. Clark then removes his glasses, straightens his posture, and takes a deep breath]''
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[rehearsing in Superman's voice]'' Lois, there's something I have to tell you. I'm really... ''[Lois returns with her coat, before he quickly puts on his glasses and starts slouching again, reverting back to Clark's voice,'' I mean...I ''was'' at first really nervous about tonight. But then I decided, well-Darn it, I was going to show you the time of your life.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[opening the door, still infatuated with Superman]'' That's Clark, nice.
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[exiting as well, shutting the door behind him]'' I was thinking maybe we could go for a hamburger or whatever you want to do...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor, Miss Teschmacher and Otis are reading a newspaper article titled &quot;I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SUPERMAN&quot;]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[referring to Superman]'' Now then... given the location of the galaxy that he mentions, in proximity to our own solar system...it's amazing. AMAZING! But too good to be true!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': It's too good to be true! He's 6'4&quot;, has black hair, blue eyes, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and tells the truth!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, some people can read ''War and Peace'' and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what has ''chewing gum'' got to do with the secrets of the universe?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[sighs]'' Right, Miss Teschmacher. Right.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex stands on his library sliding ladder searching for a book''] 
:'''Lex Luthor''': N... N... N...
:'''Otis''': 'M'! You want 'M', Mr. Luthor? Comin' right up! ''[moves the sliding ladder Lex is standing on, leaving Lex hanging from a shelf]'' So, there you go, 'M'. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': 'M' as in Moron, Otis? No, no, no, it's 'N'! 'N' as in Neanderthal, Nincompoop, Nitwit! And 'L' as in Ladder!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor has torn a page from a magazine from his library]''
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[reading the article]'' A meteorite found in Addis Ababa. I know I'm gonna get rapped in the mouth for this, but so what? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': So what. You mean, to us, they're just meteorites. Fair enough. But the level of specific radioactivity is so high, to anyone from the planet Krypton, this substance is lethal. 
:'''Otis''': Wait a minute, Mr. Luthor. You mean, fire and bullets can't hurt this guy, but this stuff here ... 
:'''Miss Teschmacher and Otis''': ''[in unison]'' ...will kill him! 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Doesn't it give you, like, a shudder of electricity to be in the same room with me? 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Not like the shudder you're gonna get when you try to lay that rock on him. He can see you coming for miles with those super-peepers of his. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': &quot;Oh, Lord. You gave them eyes, yet they cannot see.&quot; Nor can Superman, through lead. 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''understanding]'' He can't see through lead! 
:'''Lex Luthor''': And Kryptonite will destroy him. Any questions, class?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[thinking to herself]'' I wonder what they're wearing in Addis Ababa?
:'''Otis''': ''[looking at the picture in the article]'' Looks like a burnoose. ''[gasps]'' Are we going to Addis Ababa, Mr. Luthor?
:''[Lex, in a resigned look, shakes his head, puts his hand to his forehead and closes his eyes]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lois Lane''': As you know, my newspaper, the Daily Planet, is very interested in that dam, Chief, but what I don't understand is why you would sell out to a faceless person that you've never met. I mean, you don't even know his name.
:'''Indian Chief''': At the stupid high price that he offered for this worthless piece of desert, I hope it's Custer!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman breaks down Lex Luthor's door]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': It's open, come in. My attorney will be in touch with you about the damage to the door. Otis, take the gentleman's cape. 
:'''Otis''': ''[approaches Superman, who glares at him]'' I don't think he wants me to, Mr. Luthor.
:'''Superman''': All right, Luthor. Where's the gas pellet?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Somewhere...hidden in the back of my mind, actually. It's a little idea I was toying with.
:'''Superman''': Is that how a warped brain like yours gets its kicks? By planning the death of innocent people?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No. By ''causing'' the death of innocent people.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[pointing to a map of California and the San Andreas Fault]'' Everything west of this line is the richest, most expensive real estate in the world: San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco. Everything on ''this'' side of the line is just hundreds and hundreds of miles of worthless desert land, which just so happens to be owned by...''[whaps Otis with his pointer]''
:'''Otis''': Uhhh...Lex Luthor, Incorporated.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Now, call me foolish, call me irresponsible, it occurs to me that a 500 megaton bomb planted at just the proper point would, uh...
:'''Superman''': Would destroy most of California. Millions of innocent people would be killed. And the West Coast as we know it would- 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Fall into the sea. Bye-bye, California. Hello, new West Coast. ''My'' West Coast. ''[Otis overlays map with new map]''  
:'''Lex Luthor''': Costa Del Lex. Luthorville. Marina del Lex. Otisburg...Otisburg?
:'''Otis''': Miss Teschmacher, she's got her own place. ''[&quot;Teschmacher Peaks&quot;]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Otisburg?
:'''Otis''': It's a little bitty place.
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[angrily]'' Otisburg?!
:'''Otis''': Okay, I'll just wipe it off, that's all. It's just a little town. ''[erases Otisburg]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Superman flies away to stop the earthquake...again]''
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Golly, Miss Lane, it's too bad Mr. Kent wasn't here to see all this.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, poor Clark! He's never around when you...wait a minute, wait a minute....''[shrugs her shoulders]'' Lois Lane, that is the silliest idea you've ever had...
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Let me tell you something, Miss Lane: I think he really cares about you.
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark? Of course he does.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': No, not Clark. ''[looks up in the sky]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh... well, uh ... Superman cares about everybody, Jimmy. But, uh .... who knows, someday, y'know, maybe if he's lucky...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:''[Superman has just arrived at the jailhouse with Luthor and his bumbling sidekick Otis. Both men are bossing him around as he lowers them and himself to the ground]''
:'''Superman''': Good evening, Warden. I think these two men should be safe here with you now till they can get a fair trial.
:'''Warden''': Who is it, Superman?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[removes his wig to reveal his bald head]'' Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind of our time! 
:'''Otis''': Of our time!
:'''Lex Luthor''': I hereby serve notice-
:'''Otis''': He's serving notice to you-
:'''Lex Luthor''': ...that these walls-
:'''Otis''': That these walls here-
:'''Lex Luthor''':''[to Otis]'' Would you shut up, please! Ya fat, li'l fool!
:'''Superman''': Alright, take 'em away, boys!
:''[Luthor and Otis continue their verbal bickering as the guards escort them into the prison]''
:'''Warden''': This country is safe again, Superman, thanks to you.
:'''Superman''': No, sir. Don't thank me, Warden. We're all part of the same team. Good night.

== About ''Superman (1978 film)'' ==

* It was Tom Mankiewicz. I had known him since he graduated Yale as an “intellectual writer” who found himself writing James Bond [with his scripts for the 1970s films “Diamonds Are Forever,” “Live and Let Die” and “The Man with the Golden Gun“] but always wanted to write something that was going to change the world. When we read what we had and we got permission for rewrite, I approached Tom and told him I was looking for two things: One, we have to convince the audience that a guy can really fly; the other is that this has to be a love story. The minute he heard that, he cottoned to it and decided to make the movie. I have a little cutout of Superman, it shows him flying in the cloud, and he was dragging a word on his cape: Verisimilitude. It came from Tom. We wanted to do this — and it’s a comic book, but it had to have its own sense of reality. You don’t parody it. That was the most important decision.
** Richard Donner [http://herocomplex.latimes.com/movies/richard-donner-no-one-will-every-play-superman-the-way-christopher-reeve-did/ &quot;Richard Donner: No one will ever play Superman the way Christopher Reeve did&quot;], Geoff Boucher, ''LA Times: Hero Complex'', June 1, 2011.

== Taglines ==
* You'll Believe a Man Can Fly!
* The movie that makes a legend come to life.
* Look, up on the screen! It's Superman!
* ''[from trailer]'' Once there was a civilisation much like ours, but with greater intelligence, greater powers, and a greater capacity for good. In one tragic moment, that world was destroyed. But there was one survivor. Because of the wisdom and compassion of Jor-El, because he knew the human race had the capacity for goodness, he sent us his only son. His name is Kal-El. He will call himself Clark Kent. But the world will know him... as Superman.

== Cast ==
* [[Marlon Brando]] - Jor-El
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] - Lex Luthor
* [[Christopher Reeve]] - Superman/Clark Kent
* [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]] - Lois Lane
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] - Otis
* [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]] - Perry White
* [[w:Glenn Ford|Glenn Ford]] - Jonathan Kent
* [[w:Trevor Howard|Trevor Howard]] - 1st Elder
* [[w:Jack O'Halloran|Jack O'Halloran]] - Non
* [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]] - Eve Teschmacher
* [[w:Maria Schell|Maria Schell]] - Vond-Ah
* [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]] - General Zod 
* [[w:Phyllis Thaxter|Phyllis Thaxter]] - Martha Kent
* [[w:Susannah York|Susannah York]] - Lara
* [[w:Jeff East|Jeff East]] - Young Clark Kent
* [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]] - Jimmy Olsen
* [[w:Sarah Douglas|Sarah Douglas]] - Ursa
* [[w:Harry Andrews|Harry Andrews]] - 2nd Elder

== See also ==
* ''[[Superman II]]'' ([[w:1980 in film|1980]])
* ''[[Superman III]]'' ([[w:1983 in film|1983]])
* ''[[Superman IV: The Quest for Peace]]'' ([[w:1987 in film|1987]])
* ''[[Superman Returns]]'' ([[w:2006 in film|2006]])
* ''[[Man of Steel (film)|Man of Steel]]'' ([[w:2013 in film|2013]])
* ''[[Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice]]'' ([[w:2016 in film|2016]])

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Superman (1978 film)}}
*{{imdb title|id=0078346|title=Superman: The Movie}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_the_movie|title=Superman: The Movie}}
*The Official [http://www2.warnerbros.com/superman/home.html] Site

{{DEFAULTSORT:Superman 1}}
[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:1978 films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Crime films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Time travel films]]
[[Category:Journalist films]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]</text>
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[[File:Superman S symbol.svg |thumb|right|Your name is Kal-El. You are the only [[survivor]] of the planet Krypton. Even though you have been raised as a [[human]] being, you are not one of them. You have great [[powers]], only some of which you have as yet discovered.]]
'''''[[w:Superman (1978 film)|Superman]]''''' (informally titled '''''Superman: The Movie''''' in some listings and reference sources) is a 1978 &lt;!-- Please do not add British-American per WP:FILMLEAD. --&gt; [[w:superhero film|superhero film]] directed by [[w:Richard Donner|Richard Donner]]. It is based on the [[w:DC Comics|DC Comics]] character of the [[w:Superman|same name]] and stars [[Marlon Brando]], [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]], [[Christopher Reeve]], [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]], [[w:Glenn Ford|Glenn Ford]], [[w:Phyllis Thaxter|Phyllis Thaxter]], [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]], [[w:Trevor Howard|Trevor Howard]], [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]], [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]], [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]], and [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]]. The film depicts [[w:Origin of Superman|Superman's origin]], including his infancy as Kal-El of [[w:Krypton (comics)|Krypton]] and his youthful years in the rural town of [[w:Smallville (comics)|Smallville]]. Disguised as reporter [[w:Clark Kent|Clark Kent]], he adopts a mild-mannered disposition in [[w:Metropolis (comics)|Metropolis]] and develops a romance with [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]], while battling the villainous [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]].
{{center|'''You'll Believe a Man Can Fly!''' &lt;small&gt;[[#taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Lois Lane ==
* ''[voiceover]'' Can you read my mind?  Do you know what it is that you do to me?  I don't know who you are.  Just a friend from another star.  Here I am, like a kid out of school.  Holding hands with a god.  I'm a fool.  Will you look at me?  Quivering.  Like a little girl, shivering.  You can see right through me.  Can you read my mind?  Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?  Wondering why you are... all the wonderful things you are.  You can fly.  You belong in the sky.  You and I... could belong to each other.  If you need a friend... I'm the one to fly to.  If you need to be loved... here I am.  Read my mind.

== Jor-El ==
* A chance for life, nonetheless... as opposed to us, you cannot ignore these facts! It's SUICIDE! No, it's worse. It's GENOCIDE...!
*''(answering criticism from the Council leader)'' My friends, you know me to be neither rash nor impulsive. I'm not given... to wild, unsupported statements. And I tell you we must evacuate this planet immediately!
* ''[As he bids his infant son farewell before sending him to Earth]'' You will travel far, my little Kal-El. But we will never leave you... even in the face of our deaths... the richness of our lives shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more I... I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you... all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father, the son. This is all I ... all I can send you, Kal-El.
* Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. Always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El; they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son.

== Lex Luthor ==
* ''[watching Otis approaching the hideout]'' It's amazing that brain can generate enough power to keep those legs moving.
* Because if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic hoax, it would've been me!
* This is Lex Luthor. Only one thing alive with less than four legs can hear this frequency, Superman, and that's you. In approximately five minutes, a poison gas pellet containing propane lithium compound will be released through thousands of air ducts in the city, effectively annihilating half the population of Metropolis.
* I told you. That's Kryptonite, Superman. Little souvenir from the old home town. I spared no expense to make you feel right at home. 
* ''[after he's explained how a meteor from Krypton can kill Superman]'' Doesn't it give you kind of a, a, a.... shudder.... of electricity through you to be in the same room with me?
* ''[repeated line; screams bloody murder]'' MISS TESCHMACHER-R-R-R-R-R!!!!
* I have to leave you now. No hard feelings. We all have our little faults. Mine's in California. 
* ''[to Otis]'' Do you know why the number 200 is so vitally descriptive to both you and me? It's your weight and my I.Q.
* Some can read ''War and Peace'' and come away thinking it's an adventure story. Others can open the wrappers of chewing gum and unlock the secrets of the universe.
* You were great in your day, Superman. But it just stands to reason, when it came time to cash in your chips, this old &quot;diseased maniac&quot; would be your banker. Mind over muscle?
* There's a strong streak of good in you, Superman. But then nobody's perfect.... almost nobody.

== Superman ==
* [''A cat burglar is climbing up the side of a building. He looks up and sees Superman standing there''] Hi there. Something wrong with the elevator?
* [''Superman lands holding a cat burglar''] Officer! Uh, good evening, Officer Mooney. Well, they say confession's good for the soul.[''takes a handful of stolen jewelry out of the burglar's bag''] I'd listen to this man. Take him away.
* [''After getting &quot;clubbed&quot; on the head by a crowbar by a thief''] Bad vibrations?

== Perry White ==
* Lois, Clark Kent may seem like just a mild-mannered reporter, but listen, not only does he know how to treat his editor-in-chief with the proper respect, not only does he have a snappy, punchy prose style, but he is, in my forty years in this business, the fastest typist I've ever seen.

== Jimmy Olsen ==
* ''[to Clark]'' Hey, dork. Jimmy Olsen.

== Others ==
* '''Boy''': [''opening narration''] In the decade of the 1930s, even the great city of Metropolis was not spared the ravages of the worldwide depression. In the times of fear and confusion the job of informing the public was the responsibility of the Daily Planet. A great metropolitan newspaper, whose reputation for clarity and truth had become a symbol of hope for the city of Metropolis.
* '''Miss Teschmacher''': Why is it I can't get it on with the good guys?
* '''Desk Sergeant''': [''on seeing a boat in the middle of the street and Superman flying off''] Mooney, first bottle's on me, let me get my hat.
* '''[[w:Trevor Howard|First Elder]]''': [''in the &quot;extended&quot; version of the film... following the trial and sentencing of General Zod and &quot;Company&quot;''] An unpleasant duty has been masterfully performed, Jor-El. They have received the fate they deserved: isolation in the Phantom Zone, an eternal living death.

== Dialogue ==
:'''[[w:Marlon Brando|Jor-El]]''': This is no fantasy, no careless product of wild imagination. No, my good friends. These indictments that I have brought you today... specific charges listed herein against the individuals, their acts of treason, their ultimate aim of sedition... These are matters of undeniable fact. I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused. ''[referring to Non]'' On this... this mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction. ''[referring to Ursa]'' On the woman Ursa, whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton. Finally, General Zod - once trusted by this Council, charged with maintaining the defense of the planet Krypton itself. Chief architect of this intended revolution and author of this insidious plot, to establish a &quot;New Order&quot; amongst us... with himself as absolute ruler. You have heard the evidence. The decision of the Council will now be heard.
:'''Council Member 1''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 2''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 3''': Guilty!
:'''Council Member 4''': Guilty!
:'''General Zod''': The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El. It has therefore now become your decision. You alone will condemn us if you wish, and you alone will be held responsible by me. ''[Jor-El signals the Phantom Zone]'' Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before. Yours could become an important voice in the new order, second only to my own! I offer you a chance for greatness, Jor-El! Take it! Join us! You ''will'' bow down before me, Jor-El! I swear it! No matter that it takes an eternity! ''[screaming with rage]'' YOU ''WILL'' BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!! BOTH YOU, AND THEN ONE DAY, YOUR HEIRS!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''First Elder''': An unpleasant duty has been masterly performed, Jor-El. They have received the fate they deserved. Isolation in the Phantom Zone; an eternal living death.
:'''Jor-El''': A chance for life, nonetheless. As opposed to us...you cannot ignore these facts! It's suicide! No, it's worse. It's genocide!
:'''First Elder''': Be warned, Jor-El. The Council has already evaluated this outlandish theory of yours.
:'''Jor-El''': My friends, you know me to be neither rash nor impulsive. I'm not given to wild unsupported statements. And I tell you that we must evacuate this planet immediately!
:'''First Elder''': Jor-El, you are one of Krypton's greatest scientists.
:'''Second Elder''': Ah, yes, but so is Vond-Ah.
:'''[[w:Maria Schell|Vond-Ah]]''': It isn't that we question your data. The facts are undeniable. It's your conclusions we find unsupportable.
:'''Jor-El''': This planet will explode within thirty days... if not sooner.
:'''Vond-Ah''': I tell you Krypton is simply shifting its orbit.
:'''Second Elder''': Jor-El! Be reasonable! Let Krypton die?! Oh, never, Jor-El! This is just another one of your...mistaken fantasies.
:'''Jor-El''': My friend, I have never been otherwise. This madness is yours...to do with as you wish.
:'''First Elder''': This discussion is terminated. The decision of the Council is final. Any attempt by you to create a climate of fear and panic among the populace must be deemed by us...an act of insurrection.
:'''Jor-El''': You would accuse me of insurrection? Has it now become a crime to cherish life?
:'''First Elder''': You would be banished to endless imprisonment in the Phantom Zone...the eternal void which you yourself discovered. Will you abide by the Council's decision?
:'''Jor-El''': I will remain silent. Neither I nor my wife will attempt to leave Krypton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Executor''': The energy input to Jor-El's quarters is now in excess. Our data indicates the loss is due to a misuse of energy.
:'''First Elder''': Investigate.
:'''Second Elder''': And if the investigation proves correct?
:'''First Elder''': He knew the penalty he faced... even as a member of this Council. The law will be upheld.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Been showing off a bit, haven't you, son? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh...I didn't mean to show off, Pa.  It's just that...well, guys like that Brad, I just wanna tear 'em apart...I know I shouldn't, but... 
:'''Jonathan Kent''': I know.  You can do all these amazing things, and sometimes you think that you will just go bust unless you can tell someone about it.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah!...I mean, every time I get the ball, I can make a touchdown. Every time! Is it showing off for a person to do what he's capable of? Is a bird showing off when it flies?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': No! No, now you listen to me. When you first came to us, we thought that people would come and take you away because if they found out about the things you could do, well that worried us a lot. But then a man gets older and he thinks very differently better, starts to see things very clear. And there's one thing I do know, son.  And that is, you are here for a reason. I don't know whose reason it is, or whatever the reason...maybe it's...I don't know....but I do know one thing: it's not to score touchdowns.
:'''Clark Kent''': Thanks Dad. C'mon Dad! I'll race you to it! 
:'''Jonathan Kent''': You will?
:''[Both of them run to the barn]''
:'''Clark Kent''': C'mon! C'mon! ''[runs into the barn with his dog]''
:'''Jonathan Kent''': ''[starting to have a heart attack; last words]'' Oh, no. ''[collapsed dead]''
:'''Martha Kent''': ''[looks over at the barn]'' Jonathan...? ''[realizing]'' Jonathan!
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[runs out of the barn in shock]'' Dad...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Clark Kent''': I have to leave. 
:'''Martha Kent''': I knew this time would come.  We both knew it from the day we found you. 
:'''Clark Kent''': I talked to Ben Hubbard yesterday, and he said...that he'd be happy to help out from now on. ''[struggling to maintain his composure]'' Mother... 
:'''Martha Kent''': I know, son. I know. Do you...know where you're headed? 
:'''Clark Kent''': North. 
:'''Martha Kent''': Remember us, son. Always remember us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jor-El''': My son, you do not remember me. I am Jor-El. I am your father. By now, you will have reached your 18th year as it is measured on Earth. By that reckoning, I will have been dead for many thousands of your years. The knowledge that I have, matters physical and historic, I have given you fully on your voyage to your new home. These are important matters, to be sure, but still matters of mere fact. There are questions to be asked, and it is time for you to do so. Here in this...this Fortress of Solitude, we shall try to find the answers together. So, my son, speak.
:'''Clark Kent''': Who am I?
:'''Jor-El''': Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton. Even though you have been raised as a human being, you are not one of them. You have great powers, only some of which you have as yet discovered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Golly, Miss Lane, how come you get all the best stories?
:'''Lois Lane''': A good reporter doesn't get great stories, Jimmy... 
:''[The two enter Perry White's office]''
:'''Perry White''': ''[to Clark]'' ...a good reporter makes them great.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me, Mr. White. I was wondering if, if, uh, perhaps you could arrange for half my salary to be sent to this address on a weekly basis. 
:'''Lois Lane''': Your bookie, right? 
:'''Clark Kent''': My what? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't tell me. He sends a check every week to his sweet, grey-haired old mother.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, she's silver-haired. 
:'''Perry White''': Yeah. I'll see what I can do.
:'''Lois Lane''': Any more at home like you? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Uh, not really, no.
:'''Lois Lane''': I didn't think so.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lois Lane''': So, how did you enjoy your first day on the job?
:'''Clark Kent''': Frankly, the hours were somewhat longer than I expected, but meeting you and Jimmy and Mr. White on the whole, I think it's just swell.
:'''Lois Lane''': &quot;Swell&quot;? You know, Clark, there are very few people left in the world who feel comfortable saying that word.
:'''Clark Kent''': What word?
:'''Lois Lane''': &quot;Swell&quot;.
:'''Clark Kent''': Really? It just sort of comes naturally to me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Clark and Lois are being mugged]''
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[points the Mugger's gun away from himself and Lois]'' Now just a minute, mister. I realize times are tough for some these days, but this isn't the answer. You can't solve society's problems...with a gun.
:'''Mugger''': You know something, buddy? You're right. I'm gonna turn over a new leaf.
:'''Clark Kent''': Now, that's the spirit. ''[to Lois]'' See, he really doesn't want to hurt anybody.
:''[Mugger points the gun back at them]''
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[sarcastically]'' Uh-huh.
:'''Mugger''': Right after I rip off this lady's purse. Now c'mon, lady. Hand it over.
:'''Clark Kent''': Now, Lois, I think you better... ''[Lois begins to hand the Mugger her purse, but instead drops it]'' Lois! What are you doing?!
:''[The Mugger bends down to receive Lois' purse, but Lois kicks him in the face causing him to fire the gun. Clark Kent catches the bullet and falls over as the Mugger runs away]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark! Clark, are you okay?
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[wakes up]'' Golly, I...I guess I might have fainted.
:'''Lois Lane''': Fainted? You fainted!
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry. ''[Lois walks away as Clark opens his hand, looks at the audience, and tosses the bullet aside]'' Really, Lois, supposing that man had shot you? Is it worth risking your life over ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick? 
:'''Lois Lane''': How did you know that? 
:'''Clark Kent''': Know what?
:'''Lois Lane''': You just described the exact contents of my purse.
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[looks in]'' Hmm. Wild guess. ''[runs off]'' Taxi!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Lex caused a cop to get pushed in front of a train]'' 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Sick! Sick. You're really sick!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Sick, Miss Teschmacher? When I'm mere days away from executing the Crime of the Century? How do you choose to congratulate the greatest criminal mind on our time? Do you tell me that I'm brilliant? A bit obvious, that, I grant you. Charismatic, then? Fiendishly gifted?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[laughs]'' Try twisted.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, you don't know the half of it. ''[both laugh as Miss Teschmacher begins to search through a cabinet]'' Get away from there! Hey! I said get away from there!!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[closes the drawer]'' Tell me something Lex, why do so many people have to die for the Crime of the Century?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why? You ask why? Why does the phone always ring when you're in the bathtub? Why is the most brilliantly diabolical leader of our time surrounding himself with total nincompoops?
:'''Otis''': ''[enters the room]'' I'm back, Mr. Luthor.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah yes, Otis, I was just talking about you. You were followed again, weren't you? ''[Otis spins around, knocking over a lamp]'' In spite of those catlike reflexes. 
:'''Otis''': Mr. Luthor? Mr. Luthor, I'm sorry.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Otis, is that the newspaper I asked you to get me? 
:'''Otis''': ''[looks at the newspaper]'' Yeah. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Why am I not reading it? 
:'''Otis''': ''[thinks for a second]'' 'Cause I haven't given it to you yet? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[smiles]'' Right. ''[snatches the newspaper from Otis' hand and reads it]'' At last it's official! ''[shows the front page of the newspaper, the headline reading &quot;TWIN NUCLEAR TESTS CONFIRMED&quot;.]'' Thanks to the generous help of the United States government, we are about to be involved in the greatest real estate swindle of all time!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what is this obsession with real estate? All the time-land, land, land.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, when I was six years old, my father said to me...
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': &quot;Get out!&quot;
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' Nope. Before that...He said, &quot;Son...Stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse, people are no damn good, but they will always need land, and they will pay through the nose to get it. Remember.&quot; my father said...
:'''Otis''': Land.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Right. It's a pity he didn't live long enough to see how, from such humble beginnings, I've created this empire.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': An empire? This?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, how many other girls do you know who are lucky enough to have a Park Avenue address like this one?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Park Avenue address? 200 feet below?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Do you realize what they're all paying per square foot up there for a few miserable rooms off a common elevator? ''[in unison with Otis]'' What more could anyone ask?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': How about...sunshine. A night on the town instead of under it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Clark changes into Superman in a revolving door]''
:'''Pimp''': Say, Jim! Whoo! 
:'''Superman''': Excuse me. 
:'''Pimp''': That's a bad outfit! ''[Superman flies off]'' Whoo!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman flies up, grabbing the falling Lois Lane]''
:'''Superman''': Easy, miss. I've got you. 
:'''Lois Lane''': You...you've got ''me?'' Who's got ''you?''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Having rescued Lois Lane from a crashing helicopter and lowers the helicopter on the roof]''
:'''Superman''': ''[to the techicians about the pilot]'' Gentlemen, this man needs help! ''[to Lois]'' Well, I certainly hope this little incident hasn't put you off flying, miss. Statistically speaking, of course, it's still the safest way to travel. ''[prepare to flies away]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Wait! Who are you?
:'''Superman''': A friend. ''[flies away]'' Bye.
:''[Lois waves at Superman and faints]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman has just saved a jetliner from crashing into the sea during a thunderstorm]''
:'''Jetliner pilot #1''': What the hell happened? Did we get our engine back? What the hell is going on out there?!
:'''Jetliner pilot #2''': Fly. Don't look. Just...fly. We've got...something. I don't know what it is, but...trust me. ''[they both look out the window and see Superman holding on to the jetliner while flying]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jor-El''': You...enjoyed it.
:'''Superman''': I don't know what to say. I guess I just got carried away.
:'''Jor-El''': I anticipated this, my son. I...
:'''Superman''': You couldn't have! You couldn’t have imagined...
:'''Jor-El''': ''[gently]'' How good it felt!
:'''Superman''': How good it felt...
:'''Jor-El''': ''[couldn't resist a small smile]'' You are revealed to the world. Very well. So be it. But still you must keep your secret identity. 
:'''Superman''': Why?
:'''Jor-El''': The reasons are two: First, you cannot serve humanity 28 hours a day.
:'''Superman''': 24. 	
:'''Jor-El''': Or 24, as it is in Earth time. Your help would be called for endlessly, even for those tasks which human beings could solve themselves, because they're happy to abuse their resources in such a way. 
:'''Superman''': And secondly?
:'''Jor-El''': Second: Your enemies will discover their only way to hurt you by hurting the people you care for. 
:'''Superman''': Thank you, Father...
:'''Jor-El''': Lastly, do not punish yourself for your feelings of vanity. Simply learn to control them. It is an affliction common to all, even on Krypton... ''[expression changes]'' Our destruction could have been avoided but for the vanity of some who considered us indestructible. Were it not for vanity, why, at this very moment...I could embrace you in my arms ''[barely audible]'' ...my son...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor is swimming in his pool, listening to the TV news about Superman]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher! Turn it off.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[lying under sunlamps, turns off the TV]'' Lex, what's the story on this guy? Do you think it's the genuine article?
:'''Lex Luthor''': If he is, he's not from this world. 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Why? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Because, if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic hoax, it would have been me! Otis! My robe! 
:'''Otis''': Right away, Mr. Luthor!
:'''Lex Luthor''': It all fits somehow, his coming here to Metropolis. And at this particular time. There's a kind of cruel justice about it. I mean, to commit the crime of the century, a man naturally wants to face the challenge of the century. ''[lost in his thoughts, and stops at the top step of the pool where his feet are still submerged]''
:'''Otis''': Listen, Mr. Luthor, maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know? ''[enters the pool and starts helping Lex on with the robe, but the bottom of it then proceeds to get soaked]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[as Otis helps him putting on his robe]'' Passing through? Not on your life. Which I would gladly sacrifice, by the way, for the opportunity of destroying everything that he represents. And, Otis, by the way, next time put my robe on AFTER I've left the pool.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Perry White''': ''[to the crowd of reporters]'' Now, look. ''[throws newspapers down in succession, reading out their headlines]'' The Post: &quot;IT FLIES!&quot;  The News: &quot;LOOK MA - NO WIRES!&quot;  The Times: &quot;BLUE BOMB BUZZES METROPOLIS&quot;.  The Planet. ''[the headline on the ''Daily Planet'' reads: &quot;CAPED WONDER STUNS CITY&quot;]'' We're sitting on top of the story of the century here! I want the name of this flying whatchamacallit to go with the Daily Planet like bacon and eggs, franks and beans, death and taxes, politics and corruption!
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[raises his hand]'' I, I don't think he would, uh, lend himself to any ch-cheap promotion schemes, though, Mr. White.
:'''Perry White''': Exactly how would you know that, Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[hesitates as everyone looks at him]'' Um . . . uh, uh, j-just a first impression?
:'''Perry White''':  Well anyway, who's talking cheap? I'll make him a partner if I have to! Right?
:'''Secretary''': Right, Chief.  
:'''Perry White''': I want the real story! ''[bangs his desk.  Lois is taking notes and finds a card with a personal message on it]'' I want the inside dope on this guy! Has he got a family? Where does he live? What does the &quot;S&quot; stand for? Family? Relatives? How does he fly?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[reading a note out loud in a whisper]'' &quot;TONIGHT AT EIGHT - YOU PLACE - HOPEFULLY - A FRIEND&quot;. ''[remembers what Superman had said to her and realizes that the notes is from him]'' A friend!
:'''Perry White''': Tony, who is he? Mike, what's his name? What's he got hidden underneath that cape of his, batteries? Why did he show up last night? Dick, where does he come from? ''[to Lois]'' Does he have a girlfriend? ''[to Clark]'' What's his favorite ball team, Kent? Now listen to me! I tell you, boys and girls, whichever one of you gets it out of him is going to wind up with the single most important interview since... God talked to Moses! What are you standing around about for? Move! Get on that story!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lois Lane is waiting for Superman at her apartment]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Eight o'clock, he says eight o'clock. Hm. Some friend. ''[pours herself some wine]'' Story of my life. ''[sits down]'' Cinderella bites the dust.
:''[Superman lands at the edge of her terrace]''
:'''Superman''': Good evening, Miss Lane.  
:'''Lois Lane''': U-Uh...hi!
:'''Superman''': Oh, I'm sorry. Did you have plans this evening?
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Oh, this old thing?...No.
:'''Superman''': Well listen, it's no trouble at all for me to come back later- 
:'''Lois Lane''': No! ''[rushes forward]'' Don't move! Um, er, uh...sure, you can move. Um, just don't fly away, all right?
:'''Superman''': ''[smiles, hops down onto the terrace, and walks forward]'' Sorry to, uh, just drop in on you like this, Miss Lane, but I've been thinking. You know, there must be a lot of questions about me that people in the world would like to know the answers to...
:'''Lois Lane''': Of course. Yes. Uh... ''[begins to light a cigarette]''
:'''Superman''': Uh, you really shouldn't smoke, you know, Miss Lane.
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't tell me.  Lung cancer, right?
:'''Superman''': ''[using his x-ray vision, Superman looks at her lungs]'' Well.  Not yet, thank goodness.
:'''Lois Lane''': Um, um, would you like a glass of wine?
:'''Superman''': Uh, no, no thanks. I never drink when I fly. Nice place.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, thank you. Thank you. Um...should we get started with that interview? ''[goes to sit down and Superman goes to get her chair]'' Oh! Huh. Thank you. ''[Superman sits down, too]'' Well, ah, let's start with your vital statistics.  Are you married? 
:'''Superman''': Uh, no.  No, I'm not.
:'''Lois Lane''': Do you have a girlfriend?
:'''Superman''': Uh, no, I don't, but, uh, if I did, Miss Lane, you'd be the first to know about it.
:'''Lois Lane''': Um, how old are you?
:'''Superman''': Over 21.  
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I get it, you don't want anyone to know how old. And how big are you? How tall are you?
:'''Superman''': Uh, 'bout six-four.
:'''Lois Lane''': Six-foot-four and, uh, how much do you weigh?
:'''Superman''': Hm, around two, two-twenty five.
:'''Lois Lane''': Two-Two-twenty five? Hm. Uh, well, um, um, I assume then that-that the rest of your bodily functions are...normal?
:'''Superman''': Sorry, beg your pardon?
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, putting it delicately. ''[leans forward] Do you...eat?
:'''Superman''': Uh, yes. Yes, I do. When I'm hungry.
:'''Lois Lane''': You do? Of course you do. ''[gets up from the table and stands besides a large lead planter]'' Well, then. Uh, is it true that uh, you can...see through anything?  
:'''Superman''': Yes, I can. Well, pretty much.
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm-hm, and that you're, uh, totally impervious to pain?
:'''Superman''': Well, so far.
:'''Lois Lane''': What color underwear am I wearing?
:'''Superman''': ''[looking]'' Hmmm...
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, I'm sorry.  I embarrassed you, didn't I?
:'''Superman''': Oh, No, no, not at all, Miss Lane, it's just that this planter must be made of lead.
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh, yes it is. So?
:'''Superman''': Well, you see, I, uh, I sort of have a problem seeing through lead.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh! That's interesting. ''[writing]'' 'Problem seeing through lead.' Hmmm. Uh, d-do you have a first name?
:'''Superman''': What, do you mean like Ralph or something?
:'''Lois Lane''': No, no, I mean like, uh... ''[walks away from the planter]''
:'''Superman''': Pink.
:'''Lois Lane''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': Pink. ''[Lois scurries back to the planter]'' Um, sorry, Miss Lane, I didn't mean to embarrass you.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, huh, you didn't embarrass me.  Um, uh, what's your background?  Uh, where do you hail from?
:'''Superman''': Well, that's kinda hard to explain actually.  See, I'm from, um, well, pretty far away. Another galaxy, as a matter of fact. I come from a planet called Krypton. 
:'''Lois Lane''': Huh?
:'''Superman''': Krypton.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh, Krypton!  
:'''Lois Lane''': With a C-R-I?
:'''Superman''': Uh...
:'''Lois Lane''': No?
:'''Superman''': No, a-actually, it's K-R-Y-P-T-O-N.
:'''Lois Lane''': K-R-Y...do you like pink?
:'''Superman''': I like pink very much, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': Why are you?
:'''Superman''': I'm sorry?
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean, w-why are you here?  There must be a reason for you to be here.
:'''Superman''': Yes.
:'''Lois Lane''': Mm-hm?
:'''Superman''': I'm here to fight for truth and justice and the American way.
:'''Lois Lane''': You're gonna end up fighting every elected official in this country!
:'''Superman''': I'm sure you don't really mean that, Lois.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[to herself]'' I don't believe this.
:'''Superman''': Lois, I never lie.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh. Um...uh, oh! Just how fast do you fly...by the way?
:'''Superman''': Oh, I don't know really. Y'know, I've never actually, uh, bothered to time myself.
:'''Lois Lane''': No?  
:'''Superman''': Say. Why don't we find out?
:'''Lois Lane''': And how do you propose we do that?
:'''Superman''': Take a ride with me?
:'''Lois Lane''': You mean I could fly?
:'''Superman''': Well, actually, I'd be handling the flying if that's okay.
:'''Lois Lane''': This is utterly fantastic!  
:'''Superman''': Wait, wait a minute, where are you going?
:'''Lois Lane''': Are you serious?
:'''Superman''': Sure.  What's the matter, don't you wanna go?  Okay. ''[Lois grabs the pad and pen]'' Won't need these.
:'''Lois Lane''': I mean. A sweater. It must be kind of cold?
:'''Superman''': You'll be warm enough. ''[takes Lois by the hand]'' Ready?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[stares at Superman]'' Clark...said that you're just a figment of somebody's imagination. Like Peter Pan.
:'''Superman''': Clark, uh. Who's that? Your boyfriend?
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark? Oh, Clark, no, he's nothing, he's just, uh...
:'''Superman''': Peter Pan, huh?
:'''Lois Lane''': Uh-huh.
:'''Superman''': Peter Pan flew with children, Lois. In a fairy tale.
:''[Superman grip Lois's shoulders, they shoot up into the night sky. Lois gasps]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Superman carries Lois back to her terrace and puts her down]''
:'''Superman''': We forgot to time ourselves. Maybe next time. ''[tarts walking back to the edge of the terrace]'': You okay?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[nodding]'' Uh-huh!
:'''Superman''': Good night.
:'''Lois Lane''': Good night. ''[watches Superman flying away, thinking to herself]'' What a super man! ''[pauses]'' Superman!
:''[Knocking is heard from her door]''
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[from behind the door]'' Anybody home? Hello? Lois? ''[Lois answers the door]'' Hi. Can I come in?
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[still infatuated with Superman]'' Oh, yeah.
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, for goodness sake, didn't you hear me knocking? 
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[still in an infatuated, dream-like state]'' Uh-huh!
:'''Clark Kent''': Lois, we did have a date tonight, remember? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh!
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[performing a hand gesture for drinking]'' You haven't been? 
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh! No. No.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, I certainly hope not. Well, let's push off, shall we?
:'''Lois Lane''': I'd better get a coat. 
:''[Lois goes into the bedroom to get her coat. Clark then removes his glasses, straightens his posture, and takes a deep breath]''
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[rehearsing in Superman's voice]'' Lois, there's something I have to tell you. I'm really... ''[Lois returns with her coat, before he quickly puts on his glasses and starts slouching again, reverting back to Clark's voice,'' I mean...I ''was'' at first really nervous about tonight. But then I decided, well-Darn it, I was going to show you the time of your life.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[opening the door, still infatuated with Superman]'' That's nice, Clark.
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[exiting as well, shutting the door behind him]'' I was thinking maybe we could go for a hamburger or whatever you want to do...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor, Miss Teschmacher and Otis are reading a newspaper article titled &quot;I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SUPERMAN&quot;]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[referring to Superman]'' Now then...given the location of the galaxy that he mentions, in proximity to our own solar system...it's amazing. AMAZING! But too good to be true!
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': It's too good to be true! He's 6'4&quot;, has black hair, blue eyes, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and tells the truth!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Miss Teschmacher, some people can read ''War and Peace'' and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe.
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Lex, what has ''chewing gum'' got to do with the secrets of the universe?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[sighs]'' Right, Miss Teschmacher. Right.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex stands on his library sliding ladder searching for a book]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': N...N...N...
:'''Otis''': 'M'! You want 'M', Mr. Luthor? Comin' right up! ''[moves the sliding ladder Lex is standing on, leaving Lex hanging from a shelf]'' So, there you go, 'M'. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': 'M' as in Moron, Otis? No, no, no, it's 'N'! 'N' as in Neanderthal, Nincompoop, Nitwit! And 'L' as in Ladder!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Lex Luthor has torn a page from a magazine from his library]''
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[reading the article]'' A meteorite found in Addis Ababa. I know I'm gonna get rapped in the mouth for this, but so what? 
:'''Lex Luthor''': So what. You mean, to us, they're just meteorites. Fair enough. But the level of specific radioactivity is so high, to anyone from the planet Krypton, this substance is lethal. 
:'''Otis''': Wait a minute, Mr. Luthor. You mean, fire and bullets can't hurt this guy, but this stuff here ... 
:'''Miss Teschmacher and Otis''': ''[in unison]'' ...will kill him! 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Doesn't it give you, like, a shudder of electricity to be in the same room with me? 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': Not like the shudder you're gonna get when you try to lay that rock on him. He can see you coming for miles with those super-peepers of his. 
:'''Lex Luthor''': &quot;Oh, Lord. You gave them eyes, yet they cannot see.&quot; Nor can Superman, through lead. 
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[understanding]'' He can't see through lead! 
:'''Lex Luthor''': And Kryptonite will destroy him. Any questions, class?
:'''Miss Teschmacher''': ''[thinking to herself]'' I wonder what they're wearing in Addis Ababa?
:'''Otis''': ''[looking at the picture in the article]'' Looks like a burnoose. ''[gasps]'' Are we going to Addis Ababa, Mr. Luthor?
:''[Lex, in a resigned look, shakes his head, puts his hand to his forehead and closes his eyes]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lois Lane''': As you know, my newspaper, the Daily Planet, is very interested in that dam, Chief, but what I don't understand is why you would sell out to a faceless person that you've never met. I mean, you don't even know his name.
:'''Indian Chief''': At the stupid high price that he offered for this worthless piece of desert, I hope it's Custer!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Superman breaks down Lex Luthor's door]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': It's open, come in. My attorney will be in touch with you about the damage to the door. Otis, take the gentleman's cape. 
:'''Otis''': ''[approaches Superman, who glares at him]'' I don't think he wants me to, Mr. Luthor.
:'''Superman''': All right, Luthor. Where's the gas pellet?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Somewhere...hidden in the back of my mind, actually. It's a little idea I was toying with.
:'''Superman''': Is that how a warped brain like yours gets its kicks? By planning the death of innocent people?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No. By ''causing'' the death of innocent people.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[pointing to a map of California and the San Andreas Fault]'' Everything west of this line is the richest, most expensive real estate in the world: San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco. Everything on ''this'' side of the line is just hundreds and hundreds of miles of worthless desert land, which just so happens to be owned by... ''[whaps Otis with his pointer]''
:'''Otis''': Uhhh...Lex Luthor, Incorporated.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Now, call me foolish, call me irresponsible, it occurs to me that a 500 megaton bomb planted at just the proper point would, uh...
:'''Superman''': Would destroy most of California. Millions of innocent people would be killed. And the West Coast as we know it would- 
:'''Lex Luthor''': Fall into the sea. Bye-bye, California. Hello, new West Coast. ''My'' West Coast. ''[Otis overlays map with new map]''  
:'''Lex Luthor''': Costa Del Lex. Luthorville. Marina del Lex. Otisburg...Otisburg?
:'''Otis''': Miss Teschmacher, she's got her own place. ''[&quot;Teschmacher Peaks&quot;]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Otisburg?
:'''Otis''': It's a little bitty place.
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[angrily]'' Otisburg?!
:'''Otis''': Okay, I'll just wipe it off, that's all. It's just a little town. ''[erases Otisburg]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Superman flies away to stop the earthquake...again]''
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Golly, Miss Lane, it's too bad Mr. Kent wasn't here to see all this.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, poor Clark! He's never around when you...wait a minute, wait a minute.... ''[shrugs her shoulders]'' Lois Lane, that is the silliest idea you've ever had...
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Let me tell you something, Miss Lane: I think he really cares about you.
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark? Of course he does.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': No, not Clark. ''[looks up in the sky]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh...well, uh... Superman cares about everybody, Jimmy. But, uh....who knows, someday, y'know, maybe if he's lucky...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:''[Superman has just arrived at the jailhouse with Luthor and his bumbling sidekick Otis. Both men are bossing him around as he lowers them and himself to the ground]''
:'''Superman''': Good evening, Warden. I think these two men should be safe here with you now till they can get a fair trial.
:'''Warden''': Who is it, Superman?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[removes his wig to reveal his bald head]'' Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind of our time! 
:'''Otis''': Of our time!
:'''Lex Luthor''': I hereby serve notice-
:'''Otis''': He's serving notice to you-
:'''Lex Luthor''': ...that these walls-
:'''Otis''': That these walls here-
:'''Lex Luthor''':''[to Otis]'' Would you shut up, please! Ya fat, li'l fool!
:'''Superman''': Alright, take 'em away, boys!
:''[Luthor and Otis continue their verbal bickering as the guards escort them into the prison]''
:'''Warden''': This country is safe again, Superman, thanks to you.
:'''Superman''': No, sir. Don't thank me, Warden. We're all part of the same team. Good night.

== About ''Superman (1978 film)'' ==

* It was Tom Mankiewicz. I had known him since he graduated Yale as an “intellectual writer” who found himself writing James Bond [with his scripts for the 1970s films “Diamonds Are Forever,” “Live and Let Die” and “The Man with the Golden Gun“] but always wanted to write something that was going to change the world. When we read what we had and we got permission for rewrite, I approached Tom and told him I was looking for two things: One, we have to convince the audience that a guy can really fly; the other is that this has to be a love story. The minute he heard that, he cottoned to it and decided to make the movie. I have a little cutout of Superman, it shows him flying in the cloud, and he was dragging a word on his cape: Verisimilitude. It came from Tom. We wanted to do this — and it’s a comic book, but it had to have its own sense of reality. You don’t parody it. That was the most important decision.
** Richard Donner [http://herocomplex.latimes.com/movies/richard-donner-no-one-will-every-play-superman-the-way-christopher-reeve-did/ &quot;Richard Donner: No one will ever play Superman the way Christopher Reeve did&quot;], Geoff Boucher, ''LA Times: Hero Complex'', June 1, 2011.

== Taglines ==
* You'll Believe a Man Can Fly!
* The movie that makes a legend come to life.
* Look, up on the screen! It's Superman!
* ''[from trailer]'' Once there was a civilisation much like ours, but with greater intelligence, greater powers, and a greater capacity for good. In one tragic moment, that world was destroyed. But there was one survivor. Because of the wisdom and compassion of Jor-El, because he knew the human race had the capacity for goodness, he sent us his only son. His name is Kal-El. He will call himself Clark Kent. But the world will know him... as Superman.

== Cast ==
* [[Marlon Brando]] - Jor-El
* [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] - Lex Luthor
* [[Christopher Reeve]] - Superman/Clark Kent
* [[w:Margot Kidder|Margot Kidder]] - Lois Lane
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] - Otis
* [[w:Jackie Cooper|Jackie Cooper]] - Perry White
* [[w:Glenn Ford|Glenn Ford]] - Jonathan Kent
* [[w:Trevor Howard|Trevor Howard]] - 1st Elder
* [[w:Jack O'Halloran|Jack O'Halloran]] - Non
* [[w:Valerie Perrine|Valerie Perrine]] - Eve Teschmacher
* [[w:Maria Schell|Maria Schell]] - Vond-Ah
* [[w:Terence Stamp|Terence Stamp]] - General Zod 
* [[w:Phyllis Thaxter|Phyllis Thaxter]] - Martha Kent
* [[w:Susannah York|Susannah York]] - Lara
* [[w:Jeff East|Jeff East]] - Young Clark Kent
* [[w:Marc McClure|Marc McClure]] - Jimmy Olsen
* [[w:Sarah Douglas|Sarah Douglas]] - Ursa
* [[w:Harry Andrews|Harry Andrews]] - 2nd Elder

== See also ==
* ''[[Superman II]]'' ([[w:1980 in film|1980]])
* ''[[Superman III]]'' ([[w:1983 in film|1983]])
* ''[[Superman IV: The Quest for Peace]]'' ([[w:1987 in film|1987]])
* ''[[Superman Returns]]'' ([[w:2006 in film|2006]])
* ''[[Man of Steel (film)|Man of Steel]]'' ([[w:2013 in film|2013]])
* ''[[Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice]]'' ([[w:2016 in film|2016]])

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Superman (1978 film)}}
*{{imdb title|id=0078346|title=Superman: The Movie}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=superman_the_movie|title=Superman: The Movie}}
*The Official [http://www2.warnerbros.com/superman/home.html] Site

{{DEFAULTSORT:Superman 1}}
[[Category:Superman films]]
[[Category:1978 films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Crime films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Time travel films]]
[[Category:Journalist films]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]</text>
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    <title>Top Gun</title>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:40:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
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      <minor />
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'''''[[w:Top Gun|Top Gun]]''''' is a [[w:1986 in film|1986 film]] about the macho students of an elite US Navy flying school for advanced fighter pilots who compete to be best in the class.
:''Directed by [[w:Tony Scott|Tony Scott]] and written by Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr., based on the article ''Top Guns'' written for ''California Magazine'' by Ehud Yonay.''
{{center|'''I feel the need. The need for speed.''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|&quot;I feel the need...&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;...the need for speed!&quot;]]
[[File:Tommy Bank Showing Finger (cut).jpg|thumb|&quot;So you're the one.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;]]
[[File:MCAS Miramar Insignia.png|thumb|Remember, boys, no points for second place.]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|&quot;Is that why you fly the way you do? Trying to prove something? Yeah, your old man did it right. What I'm about to tell you is classified and it could end my career. We were in the worst dogfight I could've dreamed of. There were bogeys like fireflies all over the sky. His F-4 was hit; he was wounded, but he could've made it back. He stayed in it; saved three planes before he bought it.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;So you were there?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;I was there.&quot;]]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Commander Tom 'Stinger' Jardian''': Maverick, you just did an incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! You don't own that plane, the taxpayers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash. You've been busted, you've lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers—and one admiral's daughter! 
:'''Goose''': Penny Benjamin? ''[Maverick shrugs]''
:'''Stinger''': ''[to Goose]'' And you, asshole, you're lucky to be here! 
:'''Goose''': Thank you, sir.
:'''Stinger''': And let's not bullshit, Maverick. Your family name ain't the best in the Navy. You need to be doing it better and cleaner than the other guy. Now what is it with you?
:'''Maverick''': Just want to serve my country; be the best fighter pilot in the Navy, sir! 
:'''Stinger''': Don't screw around with me, Maverick. You're one hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I'd like to bust your butt but I can't. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I…I still can't believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I'm gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun. For five weeks, you'll be flying against the best fighter pilots in the world. You were number two, Cougar was number one. Cougar lost it—turned in his wings. ''You'' guys are number one. But you remember one thing:  ''[pinches fingers for emphasis]''  if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!
:'''Maverick''': Yes sir!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Commander Mike &quot;Viper&quot; Metcalf talks to the Top Gun cadets]''
:'''Goose''': ''[as Maverick is looking around the room]'' What are you doing?
:'''Maverick''': Just wondering who's the best.
:'''Viper''': In case some of you are wondering who the best is, they're up here on this plaque on the wall. The best driver and his RIO from each class has his name on it, and they have the option to come back here to be Top Gun instructors. ''[turns to Maverick]'' You think your name's gonna be on that plaque? 
:'''Maverick''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Viper''': That's pretty arrogant, considering the company you're in. 
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' Yes, sir. 
:'''Viper''': ''[smiles]'' I like that in a pilot. Just remember, when it's over out there, we're all on the same team.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[at the preflight briefing, Maverick, Goose, and Charlie talk about how Maverick buzzed a MiG-28 and what Goose did to the pilot.]''
:'''Goose''': ''[Extending his middle finger]'' You know, the finger!
:'''Charlie''': Yes, I know the finger, Goose.
:'''Goose''': Sorry. I hate it when it does that.
:'''Charlie''': ''[to Maverick]'' So you're the one.
:'''Maverick''': Yes, ma'am.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after the first hop, Maverick and Goose celebrate their victory over Jester, but Iceman and Slider tell everybody that they made the kill below the hard deck, which was not allowed.]''
:'''Maverick''': Hard deck my ass. We nailed that son of a bitch. ''[gives Goose a high five]''
:'''Iceman''': Wow, you guys really are cowboys. 
:'''Maverick''': ''[Faces Iceman]'' What's your problem, Kazanski? 
:'''Iceman''': ''[Slams helmet locker's door and faces Maverick]'' You're everyone's problem. That's because every time you go up in the air, you're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous.
:'''Maverick''': That's right! Ice…man. I ''am'' dangerous. ''[Iceman makes biting motion]''
:'''Jester''': Maverick. ''[Maverick and Goose look at him]'' You and Goose get your asses outta that flight gear and up to Viper's office now. ''[leaves locker room]''
:'''Slider''': Remember, boys, no points for second place.
:'''Goose''': You're a lot brighter than you look—
:'''Slider''': Oh, you shut up.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Maverick''': '''I feel the need...'''
:'''Maverick''': I feel the need...
:'''Maverick and Goose''': '''...the need for speed!'''
:'''Maverick and Goose''': ...the need for speed! ''[Maverick and Goose high five]''
:''[Maverick and Goose high five]''
*''Note: Bolded lines are ranked No. 94 in [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes|AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes]].''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[During Hop 19, a different voice breaks in]''
:'''Viper''': Good morning, gentlemen, the temperature is 110 degrees. 
:'''Wolfman''': Holy shit, it's Viper! 
:'''Goose''': Viper's up here, great… oh shit…
:'''Maverick''': Great, he's probably saying, &quot;Holy shit, it's Maverick and Goose.&quot; 
:'''Goose''': Yeah, I'm sure he's saying that.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Maverick''': ''[as Charlie screeches to a halt after chasing Maverick on his motorcycle]'' JESUS CHRIST, AND YOU THINK I'M RECKLESS? WHEN I FLY, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY CREW AND MY PLANE COME FIRST! 
:'''Charlie''': Well, I am going to ''[bangs the car's door]'' FINISH MY SENTENCE, LIEUTENANT! My review of your flight performance was RIGHT ON! 
:'''Maverick''': Is that right? 
:'''Charlie''': That is right, but I held something back. I see some real genius in your flying, Maverick, but I can't say that in there. I was afraid that everyone in the TAC's trailer would see right through me, and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Viper at his house]''
:'''Viper''': I flew with your old man. [[w:VF-51|VF-51]], the ''[[w:USS Oriskany (CV-34)|Oriskany]]''. You're a lot like he was. Only better… and worse. He was a natural heroic son of a bitch, that one. 
:'''Maverick''': So he ''did'' do it right. 
:'''Viper''': Yeah, he did right. Is that why you fly the way you do? Trying to prove something? Yeah, your old man did it right. ''[Maverick and Viper take a walk.]'' What I'm about to tell you is classified and it could end my career. We were in the worst dogfight I could've dreamed of. There were bogeys like fireflies all over the sky. His F-4 was hit; he was wounded, but he could've made it back. He stayed in it; saved three planes before he bought it. 
:'''Maverick''': How come I never heard that before? 
:'''Viper''': Well that's not something the State Department tells its dependents when the battle occurred over the wrong line on some map. 
:'''Maverick''': So you were there? 
:'''Viper''': I was there. What's on your mind? 
:'''Maverick''': My options, sir. 
:'''Viper''': Simple. First, you've acquired enough points to show up and graduate with your Top Gun class, or you can quit. There'll be no disgrace. That spin was hell; it would've shook me up. 
:'''Maverick''': So you think I should quit? 
:'''Viper''': I didn't say that. The simple fact is you feel responsible for Goose and you have a confidence problem. Now I'm not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up your ass, Lieutenant. A good pilot is compelled to always evaluate what's happened, so he can apply what he's learned. Up there, we gotta push it. That's our job. It's your option, Lieutenant. All yours. 
:'''Maverick''': Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, sir, but thank you very much for your time. 
:'''Viper''': No problem. Good luck.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[At the carrier, in the midst of the MiG battle, Stinger asks the status of the reinforcement planes]''
:'''Stinger''': What about Willard and Simkins?
:'''Officer''': Both catapults are broken sir, we cannot launch any aircraft yet.
:'''Stinger''': How long?
:'''Officer''': It'll take ten minutes.
:'''Stinger''': Bullshit ten minutes! This thing will be over in ''two'' minutes, get on it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Enterprise's ground crew cheer on Maverick and Merlin when Iceman meets them]''
:'''Iceman''': You! You are still dangerous. ''[smiles]'' You can be my wingman any time. 
:'''Maverick''': Bullshit! You can be mine.

== Taglines ==
* I feel the need, the need for speed.
* Up there with the best of the best.
* Great balls of fire!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - LT Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* [[w:Anthony Edwards|Anthony Edwards]] - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw
* [[Val Kilmer]] - LT Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* [[w:Rick Rossovich|Rick Rossovich]] - LT JG Ron 'Slider' Kerner
* [[w:James Tolkan|James Tolkan]] - CDR Tom 'Stinger' Jardian
* [[w:Kelly McGillis|Kelly McGillis]] - Charlotte 'Charlie' Blackwood 
* [[w:Meg Ryan|Meg Ryan]] - Carol Bradshaw
* [[w:Tom Skerritt|Tom Skerritt]] - CDR Mike 'Viper' Metcalf 
* [[w:Michael Ironside|Michael Ironside]] - LCDR Rick 'Jester' Heatherly 
* [[w:John Stockwell|John Stockwell]] - Cougar 
* [[w:Barry Tubb|Barry Tubb]] - Wolfman 
* [[w:Tim Robbins|Tim Robbins]] - LTJG Sam 'Merlin' Wells 
* [[w:Whip Hubley|Whip Hubley]] - LT Rick 'Hollywood' Neven

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun (film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0092099|title=Top Gun}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun|title=Top Gun}}

[[Category:1986 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Amber (singer)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>13138</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146095</id>
      <parentid>2969323</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:56:01Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ahti-Saku</username>
        <id>3126681</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2184" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Amber (singer)|Marie-Claire &quot;Amber&quot; Cremers]]''' (born 17 September 1969) is a Dutch-born singer, songwriter, label owner, and executive producer who is best known for her debut 1996 single &quot;This Is Your Night&quot;.

==Quotes==
* And then I asked him with my eyes to ask again (yes), &lt;br/&gt; And then he asked me would I (yes, yes). &lt;br/&gt; I put my arms around him (yes), &lt;br/&gt; And drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts, &lt;br/&gt; And his heart was going like mad. &lt;br/&gt; Yes, I said yes, I will, yes.
** &quot;Yes&quot;, from ''Naked''; inspired by Molly Bloom's soliloquy in [[James Joyce]]'s ''[[Ulysses (novel)|Ulysses]]'' (2002). [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htbsGpcc0Fw Live performance]

* I feel the need to be naked with you. &lt;br/&gt; Take off my pants, my shirt, my socks and my shoes. &lt;br/&gt; I need to be naked with you.
** &quot;The Need to Be Naked&quot;, from ''Naked'' (2002).

* Your hair shines like gold, says my child. &lt;br/&gt; You are pretty old, says my child. &lt;br/&gt; And I think to myself how I used to be. &lt;br/&gt; There's another wrinkle that I see. &lt;br/&gt; Then he takes my hand and smiles at me.
** &quot;The Smile of My Child&quot;, ''Naked'' (2002).
**
* You entered my aura and fell into my arms. &lt;br/&gt; I just wrapped around you like a snake that's been charmed.
** &quot;You Move Me&quot;, ''My Kind of World'' (2004).

* It's the way that you kiss, the way that you give back, &lt;br/&gt; The way you love me like this -- look at the beauty of that.  &lt;br/&gt; These are the tangled words of our love, that we both do untie -- &lt;br/&gt; Same old ways, same old spice, same old paradise.
** &quot;Same Old Paradise&quot;, ''My Kind of World'' (2004).

* Ooh, little boy, in between changing fathers. &lt;br/&gt; Little girl has to live without Mother. &lt;br/&gt; They don't understand why they seem not to need them, &lt;br/&gt; Although all they need is a loving hand.
** &quot;More Time for a Child&quot; (written by Amber's sister, Anne-Fleur Cremers), ''My Kind of World'' (2004).

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}


[[Category:Pop singers]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters]]
[[Category:Women musicians]]
[[Category:Producers]]
[[Category:People from the Netherlands]]
[[Category:1969 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
      <sha1>k32xh34c7e2daz99vhotqs8pvebqwol</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146096</id>
      <parentid>3146095</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:57:14Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ahti-Saku</username>
        <id>3126681</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2191" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Amber (singer)|Marie-Claire &quot;Amber&quot; Cremers]]''' (born 17 September 1969) is a Dutch-born singer, songwriter, label owner, and executive producer who is best known for her debut 1996 single &quot;This Is Your Night&quot;.

==Quotes==
* And then I asked him with my eyes to ask again (yes), &lt;br/&gt; And then he asked me would I (yes, yes). &lt;br/&gt; I put my arms around him (yes), &lt;br/&gt; And drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts, &lt;br/&gt; And his heart was going like mad. &lt;br/&gt; Yes, I said yes, I will, yes.
** &quot;Yes&quot;, from ''Naked''; inspired by Molly Bloom's soliloquy in [[James Joyce]]'s ''[[Ulysses (novel)|Ulysses]]'' (2002). [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htbsGpcc0Fw Live performance]

* I feel the need to be naked with you. &lt;br/&gt; Take off my pants, my shirt, my socks and my shoes. &lt;br/&gt; I need to be naked with you.
** &quot;The Need to Be Naked&quot;, from ''Naked'' (2002).

* Your hair shines like gold, says my child. &lt;br/&gt; You are pretty old, says my child. &lt;br/&gt; And I think to myself how I used to be. &lt;br/&gt; There's another wrinkle that I see. &lt;br/&gt; Then he takes my hand and smiles at me.
** &quot;The Smile of My Child&quot;, ''Naked'' (2002).
**
* You entered my aura and fell into my arms. &lt;br/&gt; I just wrapped around you like a snake that's been charmed.
** &quot;You Move Me&quot;, ''My Kind of World'' (2004).

* It's the way that you kiss, the way that you give back, &lt;br/&gt; The way you love me like this -- look at the beauty of that.  &lt;br/&gt; These are the tangled words of our love, that we both do untie -- &lt;br/&gt; Same old ways, same old spice, same old paradise.
** &quot;Same Old Paradise&quot;, ''My Kind of World'' (2004).

* Ooh, little boy, in between changing fathers. &lt;br/&gt; Little girl has to live without Mother. &lt;br/&gt; They don't understand why they seem not to need them, &lt;br/&gt; Although all they need is a loving hand.
** &quot;More Time for a Child&quot; (written by Amber's sister, Anne-Fleur Cremers), ''My Kind of World'' (2004).

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}


[[Category:Pop singers]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters]]
[[Category:Women musicians]]
[[Category:Record producers]]
[[Category:People from the Netherlands]]
[[Category:1969 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>All That</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <id>3145952</id>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T12:49:28Z</timestamp>
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        <ip>96.67.57.173</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Gabrielle Nevaeh Greene */</comment>
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      <text bytes="78734" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|All That}}''''' (1994-2000, 2002-05, 2019-20) is an American sketch comedy television series created by Brian Robbins and Mike Tollin for Nickelodeon.

{{tv-cleanup|2007-02-11}}
{{unreferenced|article about a serial production}}

==First Run (seasons 1-6)==
===[[w:Josh Server|Josh Server]]===
:'''Himself ''[after getting amnesia due to a concussion from a falling spotlight]'':''' &quot;My name is Lord Swaynesborough of Fontcastle.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Detective Dan has just entered a classroom at Dullmont Jr. High School, thinking that it was a bank being robbed.]''
:'''Detective Dan:''' &quot;I'm Detective Dan! Everybody up against the wall, and nobody move!&quot;
:'''Other character ''[Bynes]'':''' &quot;Um...Detective Dan...how are we supposed to get up against the wall ''without moving''?&quot;
:'''Detective Dan:''' &quot;I'm Detective Dan.&quot;
:'''Other character ''[Bynes]'':''' &quot;That explains nothing.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Detective Dan:''' &quot;Hello, Pizza Shack? I'd like a large pepperoni pizza with no pepperonis.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Detective Dan:''' &quot;Wait a minute!  Where was ''I'' when this robbery was takin' place?  Hmmmm...''boys''!  Beat me, and then push me so I go flyin' out the window!&quot;
:''(The officers [Knowings and Tamberelli] accompanying Detective Dan do as he says.)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bernie:''' &quot;My name is Bernie Kibbitz. AND I NEED PANTS!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry Futile ''[the host of ''You Can't Win!'']'':''' &quot;How many shoes?....Ooooo, ''wrong''! The answer was nine. Nine shoes.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry Futile:''' &quot;YOU...CAN'T...WIN!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry Futile:''' &quot;True...or false?  Oooo, ''wrong''! The correct answer is, that one was 'googly-googly-wick-wick-wick-wick'.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Emily Maroon:''' &quot;Wall...wall hit face.  It hurt.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toby Braun:''' &quot;I give you...The Board!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toby Braun:''' &quot;Forget that bicycle!  Forget that treadmill!  Forget that thing I was tryin' to sell you last week!  The Board is the only piece of fitness equipment you and your loved ones will ever need!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toby Braun:''' &quot;Check the pulse...irregular; good!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toby Braun:''' &quot;With The Brute, you don't need a telephone!&quot;
:''(The Brute [guest star Ron Lester] destroys the telephone.)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Brute:''' &quot;I like flowers.&quot;
:'''Toby Braun:''' &quot;ME, TOO!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Walter the Earboy:''' &quot;WAIT A MINUTE! I know a guy who has huge ears like mine and everybody likes him! He'll tell me what I should do!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Superdude ''[Thompson]'':''' &quot;Well, if it isn't Milk Man!&quot;
:'''Milk Man:''' &quot;'Udderly' correct...Superdude!  Hope my little visit doesn't ''sour'' your day!&quot;
:'''Superdude:''' &quot;That's putting it mildly! Last time I saw you, you were rotting in prison!&quot;
:'''Milk Man:''' &quot;And I have ''you'' to thank for ''putting'' me there! I hate when someone ''spoils'' my fun!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jimmy Bond:''' &quot;Wow, that is some penny!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Julio ''[Miss Piddlin's assistant]'':''' &quot;Miss Piddlin?  Here--here's more peas.  Isn't that a lovely thing, more peas?  I was just gonna set 'em down very slowly...&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tandy Spork:''' &quot;Chocolate?  Randy, once you've tasted the magical freshness of carrots, asparagus, broccoli, and green beans, you'll find that you won't even ''want'' to eat that nasty, silly chocolate anymore!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mumbly Spice:''' &quot;Flick in blob, a wig a wang jang blang; I mean, pop music, if it is, puh-tuh, hmmm, I mean cleeto, please, clang, you know.&quot;

===[[w:Kenan Thompson|Kenan Thompson]]===
:'''Superdude:''' &quot;I'm Superdude, teenage superhero with powers that amaze the stupid.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' &quot;I'm Superdude, the teenage superhero with powers that make women sweat!&quot;
:'''Sweaty Woman ''[Denberg]'':''' &quot;It's true!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' &quot;I'm Superdude, the teenage superhero with powers that can make hamsters dance!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' &quot;I'm Superdude, the teenage superhero who's always in the right place at the right time!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Superdude''': ''[usually after his intro]'' &quot;I also enjoy...fluffy stuffed animals, and...soft kisses, and...chatting on the phone long-distance.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nasty Nancy''': &quot;You'd be nasty, too, iffin' you was a cowboy named...'Nancy'.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mavis:''' &quot;Hey, Clavis, wake up; the show is over.&quot;
:'''Clavis ''[Mitchell]'':''' &quot;Oh, yeah; kick it!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Piddlin:''' &quot;Miss Piddlin almost let her bad temper and delicate mental conditions get the better of her!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Piddlin:''' &quot;Taste the peas!  C'mon, little angel!  Tell Miss Piddlin whatcha think of the peas!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Piddlin:''' &quot;Careful, Miss Piddlin, don't lose your pea cool.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Piddlin:''' &quot;JULIO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Piddlin:''' &quot;Well, if you don't wanna eat peas, don't eat nothin' at all!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Piddlin:''' &quot;Miss Piddlin is back--with her special salad.  I like to call it...peas!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Spice Cube ''[formerly Burt Spice]'':''' ''[rapping]'' &quot;''Fuzzy little bunny, all cute and sweet; cuddly little rabbit, come play with me!  Your ears are floppy, and your whiskers, they bend!  You're so cute and fuzzy; won't you be my friend?  Booooy!''&quot; 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Spice Boys fan ''[Leon Frierson]'':''' &quot;Will you guys sign my Spice Boy dolls for me?  I got 'em all; they're so cool!&quot;
:'''Spice Cube:''' &quot;Oh, look how adorable your cute little dolls are!  Of course we can sign your dolls...I mean, uh, they--they look real tough, ya know what I'm sayin'?  Punks?  Punks!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Other character ''[Saul]'':''' &quot;Yeah, my question is for ''Burt'' Spice. Um, Burt...what's with your name?&quot;
:'''Burt Spice:''' &quot;What do--what do you mean?&quot;
:'''Other character ''[Saul]'':''' &quot;Well, you know, uh, Hairy Spice is hairy, and Dead Spice is, well, not living.&quot;
:''(Dead Spice is a skeleton.)''
:'''Other character ''[Saul]'':''' &quot;You're just ''Burt'' Spice; now, don't you think that's kinda lame?&quot;
:'''Burt Spice:''' &quot;Well, uh...no; the Spice Boys, we're all about music and boy power and friction.  Trust me, nobody cares about my ''name''.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Ishboo is a phony foreign exchange student.]''
:'''Other character ''[Denberg]'':''' &quot;Ishboo...where ''are'' you ''from''?&quot;
:'''Ishboo:''' &quot;Thank you for asking!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ishboo:''' ''[to the security guard]'' &quot;Look at my swinging jewel. When I snap my fingers you will leave quietly.&quot; ''(Security guard falls asleep.)''
:'''Ishboo''': &quot;Oh, well; close enough.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ishboo:''' ''(to Dr. Prober [Mitchell])'' &quot;Look at my swinging jewel. When I snap my fingers you will put the needle down and walk out the door.&quot; 
:''(Dr. Prober slams the needle down, sits on it, and yells, slamming everything down and running out of the door.)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ishboo:''' &quot;In my foreign land, it is only proper that the guests sleep in the bed, and that ''you'' sleep on the ''floor''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kay ''[Bates]'':''' ''[She and Ishboo are on a date, and she has just watched him dance]'' &quot;Oh, Ishboo, where did you learn to dance like that?  In your foreign land?&quot;
:'''Ishboo:''' &quot;Yes; when I was a small Ishboo, I accidentally sat on a hot stove.  The excruciating butt pain taught me how to wiggle myself!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bill Cosby:''' &quot;Eat at least one gallon of yellow pudding every day.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(As a result of Angelique Bates's departure from ''All That'', Mandy is no longer on the ''Cooking With Randy &amp; Mandy'' sketch.)
:'''Randy:''' &quot;Well, we all know how much Mandy loved chocolate.  Unfortunately, during a recent chocolatey-wild weekend, Mandy lost her mind and consumed 479 pounds of pure milk chocolate.  Last I heard, Mandy was locked away in a chocolate rehabilitation facility.  We wish her well.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Randy:''' ''[after tasting his dish, 'Burrito Surprise'--a chocolate-covered burrito]'' &quot;That makes me wanna sing!&quot; ''[singing to the tune of 'La Cucaracha']'' &quot;''La chocolata, la chocolata''...all right!  Now, the next dish that I have prepared for you is called 'chocolate on top of chocolate, smothered in chocolate'.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Antoine:''' &quot;What it is.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bradley the Big Ol' Baby:''' &quot;Three pounds of applesauce.  Bradley want three pounds of applesauce.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Milton Querie ''[host of Family Vs. Family]'':''' &quot;Now, our categories are...movies...famous forks...trousers...and things that go 'moo'.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry Futile:''' &quot;Question number 5...blippity-blippity-booty-loo, blippity-blippity-moo.&quot;
:'''Antoine:''' &quot;Wait, did you just say 'blippity-blippity-booty-loo, blippity-blippity-moo'?&quot;
:'''Jerry Futile:''' &quot;That is correct; now, what is your answer?&quot;
:'''Antoine:''' &quot;Uh...meatloaf?&quot;
:'''Megan ''[Bynes]'':''' &quot;74!&quot;
:'''Shelley ''[Reyes]'':''' &quot;Is it a...kangaroo?&quot;
:''[The buzzer sounds.]''
:'''Jerry Futile:''' &quot;Ooooo, WRONG!  I'm sorry; the answer was 'meatloaf.'&quot;
:'''Antoine:''' &quot;But, I ''said'' 'meatloaf'! Didn't y'all hear Antoine say 'meatloaf'?!&quot;
:'''Shelley:''' &quot;Yup, he said 'meatloaf'.&quot;
:'''Jerry Futile:''' &quot;But, I didn't hear him. Sorry.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coldfinger:''' &quot;Look at my finger! It is ''so'' cold!  Feel it!  C'mon, feel how cold it is!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Principal Pimpell:''' &quot;As principal of Dullmont Junior High School, Principal William...Baines...Pimpell!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Principal Pimpell''': ''[while teaching the &quot;gifted&quot; class]'' &quot;Now, these little black 'squiggles' are symbols called 'letters'.  Now, now, together, these letters form visual representations of ''words'', like, for example, let me see...'coconut'!  'Coconut' is a word.  Can anybody say, 'coconut'?&quot;
:'''Student ''[Denberg]'':''' &quot;C-C-C-''scissors''?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Principal Pimpell:''' ''[singing to the tune of ''Dry Bones'']'' &quot;''The finger bone's connected to the...shin bone!  The shin bone's connected to the...brain bone!&quot;''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Officer Ulcer ''[of the U. S. S. Spaceship]'':''' &quot;Aw!  ''Nobody'' stops ''my'' engines cold!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lester Oaks, Construction Worker:''' &quot;My name is Lester Oaks, Construction Worker!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[appeared in the All That Tenth Anniversary Special Good Burger sketch]''
:'''Lester Oaks, Construction Worker''': Crunch bunny!
====Everyday French With Pierre Escargot====
:''[Each of these is the &quot;translation&quot; of a French phrase.]''
*There are small children in my nose.
*May I blow my nose in your sandwich?
*I want to shave your back.
*My father's name is Stephanie.
*You look like Stephanie, but you smell like Robert.
*I'm sorry; I thought that was ''my'' pocket.
*What time is it, and why do you smell like cheese?
*Why is your butt talking?
*''(after speaking an unusually long French phrase in which he mentions actor/singer Patrick Swayze [1952-2009])'' How are you?
*Hey! Who put that bacon fat on my toilet seat?
*Who are you, and why are you wearing my Daddy's panties?
*I'm from Minnesota, and my name is ''Winnifred''!
*Thanks for buttering my squirrel.
*I thought you said this was pudding!
*Who broke the pickle pump?
*Kiss me! Squeeze me! Call me &quot;Mrs. Beasley&quot;!
*Oh no! The babysitter exploded!
*Monkeys are tickling my tummy.
*May I take a nap in your nose?
*I have not showered in 36 days!
*Kiss me under the baloney tree!
*Take those pork chops out of your brassiere!
*Hey! Stop licking my kangaroo!
*I enjoyed meeting your sister in prison!
*I'm a pretty little girl.
*May I pop my pimple on your lasagna?
*Excuse me! I am not a drinking fountain!
*Wow! How did you get an onion in there?
*Pardon me, but this tissue has already been used.
*Thanks for the lovely used tissue!
*Please remove your banjo from my belly button.
*Oh, no! The macaroni is infected!
*I told you I had gas.
*Merry Christmas! May I get you a cup of hot fat?
*That's not an elf, that's my grandmother!
*Hey! Look what the reindeer left on my roof!
*That's not bubblegum! That's Porkboy the Breakfast Monkey!
*Keep your hands off my chicken nuggets!
*Mmmm!  This men's room smells wonderful.
*Who said you could live in my toilet?
*Your grandfather looks pretty in that wedding dress.
*This looks like mustard, but it tastes like ''you''!
*Oh, no!  It shrunk!
*Where is the library and why is your nose filled with ointment?
*Your wallpaper is making my eyebrows explode.
*You look different.  Did you brush your nose hair?
*Don't cry.  It's only a rectangle.

===[[w:Kel Mitchell|Kel Mitchell]]===
:'''Ed:''' &quot;Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger; can I take your order?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ed:''' &quot;Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger.  Is there anything in my nose?&quot;
:'''Customer ''[guest star Tracy Lynn Sullivan]'':''' &quot;I don't ''know''.&quot;
:''(She leaves in disgust.)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ed:''' ''[singing]'' &quot;''I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, 'cause we're all dudes, hey!''&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ed:''' &quot;Uhhh...no?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ed:''' &quot;That'll be eight bucks.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Customer ''[Server]'':''' &quot;Hi, I'd like a Good Punch.&quot;
:'''Ed:''' &quot;Okay.&quot; ''[Ed punches the customer in the face, KO-ing him.]''
:''[The customer awakens a few minutes later.]''
:'''Customer:''' &quot;Why did you hit me? All I did was ask for a Good Punch!&quot; ''[Ed knocks him out again.]''
:''[The customer wakes up again.]''
:'''Customer:''' &quot;Okay, I think I've got it now. I keep asking for a Good Punch, and you keep hitting me repeatedly, with that in mind. I would like to order one Good ''Soda''.  That is S-O-...D-A...soda.&quot;
:'''Ed:''' &quot;One Good Soda.&quot;
:'''Customer:''' &quot;Right.&quot; ''[Ed punches him out again.]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pizzaface:''' &quot;Hey!  Don't bag on Walter like that!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pizzaface:''' &quot;I'm Pizzaface...Walter's friend.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Okrah:''' &quot;Today on the Okrah show, you'll be entertained by other people's tragic lives.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lump Maroon:''' ''[only dialogue]'' &quot;Jupiterrrrrrrrr!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Lump and his brother Emily and sister Chuck [Reyes] have knocked down their neighbor [Thompson], who has returned Emily's missing trousers.)''
:'''Emily Maroon:''' &quot;We knocked down Grandma!&quot;
:'''Neighbor:''' &quot;Look!  I ain't your Grandma!  All right?!  I'm not related to you Maroons in any way!&quot;
:'''Lump Maroon''': &quot;Jupiter.&quot;
:'''Neighbor:''' ''[pointing to Lump]'' &quot;Especially ''him''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Mavis [Thompson] and Clavis [Mitchell] are sitting in the audience, while laughing at one of Bynes's and Server's &quot;Squash Boy&quot; sketches.)''
:'''Clavis:''' &quot;Ya hear that, Mavis?  They're callin' for somebody named 'SQUASH BOY'!&quot;
:'''Mavis:''' &quot;Yeah...''that's'' funny!  Never heard of a boy...made entirely outta squash...''before''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Baggin' Saggin' Barry ''[Thompson]'':''' &quot;I thought I had the biggest, baggiest pants in the world...then I met Baggin' Saggin' ''Mary''.&quot;
:''(Earlier, the other students at Dullmont Jr. High School had asked Baggin' Saggin' Barry and Baggin' Saggin' Mary [Reyes] to pull various objects out of their pants; one of the things was a white TV set with red polka-dots.  Mary also had a remote control, but Barry didn't.  Before that, one of the students [Denberg] had requested pumpkin juice, and Barry had only a pumpkin to give her.  Mary, however, ''did'' have a can of pumpkin juice, and she was sure that her trousers could hold more things than his could.)''
:'''Clavis:''' &quot;You've been blessed with magic trousers.  Use your gift.  You just gotta reach deep down in your pants...and pull out things you never knew you had.  Reach down deep.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;Oh, the life I live is sad!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;No...no...NO! ''Don't dance like a buncha crazy dancin' people''! This is ''volleyball'', not one of them rock'n'roll videos with the...hoodlum music!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;Aww, my happiness is a memory!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;Hehe! Hehe! Hehe! Goooood...&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;Why must you upset me in ways I can't understand?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;I demand to see your hall, pass, ticket, slip!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;All right; now, tell me what's in your book...pack...bag...sack!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Principal Pimpell has called a meeting with Miss Fingerly [Denberg], Tandy Spork [Server], Mr. Treble [Zack McLemore], Coach Kreeton [Mitchell], and Janitor Gaseous [Tamberelli], to find someone to fill in as principal of Dullmont Jr. High School for him while he is away, having his pimple removed.)''
:'''Coach Kreeton:''' &quot;Oh, yeah; celebrate!  Celebrate!  It's about ''time'' ya popped that pimple!  Oh, every time I look at it, it makes me think of the ''Moon''!  Oh, I'm so happy!  The only thing worser than that ol' crazy-lookin' pimple...is my sad...miserable life.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Butter Boy:''' &quot;Superdude, why don't you rub up against me?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Alan:''' &quot;Welcome to Cereal Critics, with Alan and Allen.  I'm Alan, A-L-A-N.&quot;
:'''Allen ''[Server]'':''' &quot;And I'm Allen, A-double L-E-N.&quot;
:'''Alan:''' &quot;This morning, we're talking about...what else?&quot;
:'''Both ''[in unison]'':''' &quot;CEREAL!&quot;
:'''Alan:''' &quot;The first cereal on our list is...Lucky Germs.  I think we have a clue.  Let's take a look.&quot;
:''[A video of them eating Lucky Germs cereal is shown.]
:'''Allen:''' &quot;I found Lucky Germs good-tasting and fun; even ''whimsical'', if you will.&quot;
:'''Alan:''' &quot;I ''won't''. I started out skeptical because of their scary jingle...♪''Frosted Lucky Germs'', ''they're tragically contagious''♪...what's with that?&quot;
:'''Allen:''' &quot;Heh-''lo'', the jingle's a joke. If I lent you five bucks, would you ''buy'' yourself a sense of humor?&quot;
:'''Alan:''' &quot;No, but I'd buy some...''antacid''. I'm still gassy.&quot;
:'''Allen:''' &quot;Thank you, Mr. Cranky Colon. Well, anyway, I say, 'spoons up'.&quot;
:'''Alan:''' ''[makes a buzzer noise]'' &quot;The correct response is, 'spoons down'.&quot;  
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Repairman has just dropped through the ceiling, making a mess.]''
:'''[Other character]:''' &quot;What was that?&quot;
:'''Repairman:''' &quot;That was me! I'm...Repairmanman-man-man-man-man!&quot;
:'''[Other character]:''' &quot;What's with the echo?&quot;
:'''Repairman:''' &quot;Echo my butt!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[Other character]:''' &quot;What's with the echo?&quot;
:'''Repairman:''' &quot;Echo schmecho!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[Other character]:''' &quot;What's with the echo?&quot;
:'''Repairman:''' &quot;Go away!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Repairman:''' ''[noticing that a family's lamp is flickering]'' &quot;Looks like lamp trouble; I can fix that for ya jiffy-quick!&quot;
:'''Father ''[Kevin Kopelow]'':''' &quot;Please don't repair it.&quot;
:'''Repairman:''' &quot;But I must; I'm...Repairman-man-man-man-man-man!&quot;
:'''Mother ''[Denberg]'':''' &quot;He's being very gentle.&quot;
:''[Repairman &quot;repairs&quot; the lamp.]''
:'''Older daughter ''[Reyes]'':''' &quot;Daddy!  What is he ''doing''?!&quot;
:'''Repairman:''' &quot;That lamp won't be giving you any more trouble; I repaired it!&quot;
:'''Father:''' &quot;No.  No, you didn't.  You killed it.&quot;
:'''Younger daughter ''[Johnson]'':''' &quot;You squashed our helpless lamp!&quot;
:'''Repairman:''' &quot;It was nothing!&quot;
:'''Mother:''' &quot;It was horrible! You're a ''bad'' repairman!&quot;
:''[The rest of the family stares at her.]''
:'''Mother:''' &quot;...-man-man-man-man-''man''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Commander Feeble ''[Server]'':''' ''[of Repairman's &quot;repairs&quot; to the U. S. S. Inferior space shuttle]'' &quot;LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE REPAIRS US ALL!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Kay:''' &quot;All right, all right, it's the one, it's the only, but never lonely, Diggy-Diggy-Dr. Kay!  Hey, if you parents out there have any questions about your kids, make my telephone dance; let's go! Say 'Hey', to Diggy-Diggy-Dr. Kay!&quot;
:'''Man on the phone:''' &quot;Hey, uh, hey, Dr. Kay, listen, uh, I have a 9-year-old son, and, well, he keeps puttin' on his sister's clothes.  What do I do?&quot;
:'''Dr. Kay:''' &quot;Uh, puts on his sister's clothes.  Uh, what's the name?&quot;
:'''Man on the phone:''' &quot;Steven.&quot;
:'''Dr. Kay:''' &quot;Tell me, does Steven look good in a dress?&quot;
:'''Man on the phone:''' &quot;Yes, he does.&quot;
:'''Dr. Kay:''' &quot;A 9-year-old son, wears his sister's clothes...Dr. Kay's advice; call the boy 'Stephanie'!  Problem solved!&quot;
:''[He rings his gong with his slingshot.]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Prober:''' ''[during Ishboo's checkup]'' &quot;Let me just check your ears.  That's all right.&quot;
:''[He checks Ishboo's left ear, and sees Ren and Stimpy, from ''The Ren &amp; Stimpy Show''; they are screaming while blasting off into outer space.]''
:'''Dr. Prober:''' &quot;Oh!  Let me check the other one.&quot;
:'''Ishboo:''' &quot;Okey-dokey.&quot;
:''[He checks Ishboo's right ear, and sees a polar bear.]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(A boy named Jake Feta has just used a &quot;cheese fizz&quot;, and has thus been arrested by the Cheese Police.)''
:'''Jake Feta ''[Thompson]'':''' ''[to Officer Jack Colby, of the Cheese Police]'' &quot;But you said we were friends!&quot;
:'''Officer Jack Colby:''' &quot;Yeah, yeah, yeah.  And I once said I was Dorothy from ''The Wizard Of Oz''.  But ya don't see Toto...do ya?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Officer Jack Colby:''' &quot;Man.  If it isn't one cheese, it's another other!  It's another other!  I'm...on my way!&quot;

===[[w:Lori Beth Denberg|Lori Beth Denberg]]===
:'''Herself ''[on Vital Information]'':

*&quot;If your face looks like a fig, and it's your birthday...then happy birthday, fig face!&quot;

:''[The audience laughs.]''

:&quot;Thank you.&quot;

*&quot;Mirror, mirror, on the wall...LOOK AT ME; I'M A PERSON TALKIN' TO A PIECE OF GLASS!&quot;

*&quot;If you're lucky enough to have a hammer...please...don't hammer in the mornin'.&quot;

*&quot;When it rains, it pours.  When it snows...it's ''cold''.&quot;

*&quot;If you're on TV, giving out vital information, and your phone rings...don't answer it.&quot;

*&quot;It's not...'okay' to eat breakfast cereal out of your underpants.&quot;

*&quot;If you're on a first date with someone, never stick your finger in their spaghetti, twirl it, and holler, 'Looky, date; I'm makin' s'ghetti circles!'&quot;

*&quot;''Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder''...how in the world that ''song'' ever became so ''popular''.&quot;

*&quot;There's no ''real reason'' to play basketball naked.&quot;

*&quot;Never spit on someone and then say, 'That's what spit feels like'.&quot;

*&quot;If you're drinking apple juice, and it feels warm...odds are, that ain't apple juice.&quot;

*&quot;If your friend's Mom asks you what you'd like to drink, don't say, 'Oh, nothin'.  My mouth's fulla '''spit''''.&quot;

*&quot;The early bird gets the worm. Fine! I don't ''want'' the worm!&quot;

*&quot;''Never'' put underwear on your head, and say to people, 'I'm little Nancy, and this my ''pretty'' new hat.&quot;

*&quot;It is better to sit there and ''look'' stupid...than it is to stand up, open your mouth, and announce, 'HEY, I'M ''DEFINITELY'' STUPID!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Miss Fingerly:''' &quot;The classroom is no place to exchange ideas and information!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Fingerly:''' &quot;The classroom is no place for research.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Fingerly:''' &quot;The classroom is no place for enjoying yourself.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Fingerly:''' &quot;Good afternoon, students. I trust you all enjoyed lunch. I ''myself'' consumed a ''tasty'' chicken pot pie. Teachers love chicken pie...''cock-a-doodle-pie''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;QUIET! THIS IS A LIBRARY!&quot; ''(blows airhorn)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Herself:''' &quot;I want a rhinoceros...carved out of pure gold!&quot;*
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Santa Claus:''' &quot;So, Lori Beth, have you been a good girl this year?&quot;
:'''Lori Beth:''' &quot;Hmmm, no.&quot;
:'''Santa Claus:''' &quot;Bye-bye!&quot;
:'''Lori Beth:''' &quot;Seeya, Santa.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sweaty Woman:''' &quot;You two couldn't be more wrong!  It's Superdude!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Fingerly:''' &quot;The classroom is no place for hiney-slappin'!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;Noisy!  I thought I told you no talking!  You talk, you walk!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;SILENCE! QUIET! STIFLE! HUSH! SHHH!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;SILENCE! NEVER ENTER THIS LIBRARY AGAIN!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' ''[after closing the door and ringing the bell that she has recently put on it]'' &quot;HUSH, BELL! THIS IS A LIBRARY, NOT A RINGAMERRARIUM!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Fingerly:''' &quot;SILENCE!  THIS IS A LIBRARY!  NOT A SNEEZE HALL!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;QUIET! THIS IS A LIBRARY! NOT A TALKATORIUM!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;I SAID 'SHUSH'!  CAN'T YOU HEAR MY WORDS?!&quot;
:'''Other character ''[Knowings]'':''' &quot;You are not a very good librarian.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;EVERYONE, QUIET!  YOU SQUEAK...I FREAK!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Other character [Bynes]:''' &quot;I'm sorry.  I thought this was the library--&quot;
:'''Loud Librarian:''' &quot;WRONG!  THIS IS THE ''LIBRARY'', AND THAT MEANS NO NOISE!  WHAT KIND OF LUNATIC ARE YOU?!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Connie Muldoon:''' &quot;I was never ''in'' my car!  We Muldoons don't believe in motor vehicles!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Herself:''' ''[singing]'' &quot;''I'm so proud of my new bunny; he wiggles his nose, and eats my honey; he tickles my toes, I tickle his tummy; and that's why I'm so proud.  Proud, proud, proud; bunny, bunny, bunny...''&quot;

===[[w:Katrina Johnson|Katrina Johnson]]===
:''(Susie, from a form of the Girl Scouts known as the Little Pansies, who wear pink uniforms, is trying to sell her cookies to a man named Bernie [Mitchell] and his wife [Bates]; she has just climbed in through their window after Bernie rejected her at the front door.)''
:'''Susie:''' &quot;Okay, here is the deal; buy 30 boxes of Fudgy Clots, and I'll knock of 3%!&quot;
:''(Each box of Little Pansy cookies costs $5; this would cost $145.50 altogether.)''
:'''Bernie:''' &quot;What do you think you're doin'?&quot;
:'''Susie:''' &quot;Selling Little Pansy cookies! Haven't I made that clear?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bernie's wife:''' &quot;Times sure have changed; when I was young, we were never pushy Pansies.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Susie:''' &quot;Did I mention that Lulu Creams are made with real synthetic nougat?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ross Perot:''' Did you know I'm freakishly rich?  I mean, I got over $4 billion.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Perot:''' ''[looks hungrily at Pizzaface]'' How can I concentrate with that dee-licious pizza starin' at me?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Perot:''' Look at me, I'm in a bathtub full of money.  I'm a sawed-off freak, takin' a $4 billion jacuzzi!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dorothy:''' What about me, Mr. Cosby?  What about my shower?
:'''Cosby ''[Thompson]'':''' Well, you see, Dorothy, a shower is like a box of peanuts that you sit on with your wife Camille.  And the grapefruit, and the avocados, and the little children running around in the neighborhood. Purty, purty, purty.  Purty, purty, purty. And then, your big toe swells up in your underpants.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lemonade Scammer:''' ''[after giving a customer free but spicy peanuts]'' &quot;Those peanuts were soaked overnight in jalapeño pepper juice. I call 'em 'jalapeanuts'. Is that cute, or what?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lemonade Scammer:''' ''[to a customer]'' &quot;Thirsty?&quot;
:'''Customer ''[Server]'':''' &quot;Lemonade, please.&quot;
:'''Lemonade Scammer:''' &quot;Five bucks.&quot;
:'''Customer:''' &quot;Five bucks?  That's a lot of money.&quot;
:'''Lemonade Scammer:''' &quot;Well, you seem a lot of thirsty.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lemonade Scammer:''' ''[crying, while holding an audience member's puppy]'' &quot;My Mom said, if I don't sell enough lemonade, she'll sell my puppy!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lemonade Scammer:''' ''[crying]'' &quot;I went to all the trouble to find your golf ball, and you won't even buy any lemonade!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[someone has asked about lactose-intolerant; Johnson's character appears from inside of a grocery display]''
:'''Sally:''' Superdude is lactose-intolerant. That means he can be harmed by dairy products.
:'''Woman:''' You mean like ham?
:'''Sally:''' No. Ham is meat. Dairy products include milk, butter, cream, cheese, cream cheese, and...
:'''YoGurl''': Yogurt!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sally:''' I've got a squeegee!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sally:''' You're the best, Superdude, even if you ''are'' lactose-intolerant.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===[[w:Alisa Reyes|Alisa Reyes]]===
:''[Kiki and Fran are stranded on an uncharted island.]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fran ''[Denberg]'':''' &quot;Kiki, we've been on this island for three years...&quot;
:'''Kiki:''' ''[singsong]'' &quot;''Three years, two months, one wee-eek!''&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kiki:''' ''[singing]'' &quot;Fran's here, and I'm here, and you're here, and you're gonna be heeeeeere...forrrrrever-&quot;
:'''Fran ''[Denberg]'':''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Kiki:''' &quot;--and ever--&quot;
:'''Fran:''' &quot;Stop it!&quot;
:'''Kiki:''' &quot;--and ever--&quot;
:'''Fran:''' &quot;STOP IT!&quot;
:'''Kiki:''' &quot;--and ever--&quot;
:''[Fran knocks herself out.]'' 
:'''Kiki:''' &quot;--and ever....&quot;

===[[w:Angelique Bates|Angelique Bates]]===
:'''Mandy:''' &quot;Mmmm; the chocolate does wonders for the nails.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Mandy:''' &quot;Looks like it's raining chocolate syrup.  And...can it be snowing chocolate sprinkles?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Penny Lane:''' ''[to Superdude]'' &quot;No, the milk will harm you!  You're lactose-intolerant!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jaleel White ''[as Steve Urkel]'':''' &quot;Surprise! Ha-ha, did I do thaaaaaat?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===[[w:Amanda Bynes|Amanda Bynes]]===
:'''Ashley:''' ''[starts to read a letter]'' &quot;Dear Ashley...&quot; That's me!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Springs:''' ''[sings]'' I'm a teeny-weeny bopper-beany, I'm so nice and he's so meany!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Alien Thumtax has just fired on the U. S. S. Spaceship, which is helmed by 10-year-old Captain Tantrum]''
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' ''[wails]'' &quot;You hurt my spaceship! WAAAAAAAAH!&quot;
:'''Officer Canker ''[Server]'':''' &quot;Oh, nice goin', Thumtax! You made our little captain cry!&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;You, you fired lasers at me, and I'm just a little girl!&quot;
:'''Thumtax ''[Denberg]'':''' &quot;I--I'm sorry.  How was I supposed to know that your captain was a little girl?  I'm sorry, lil' Cap'n. I didn't mean to harm your ship; I--what can I do to make you feel better, sweetie?&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' ''[sniffles]'' &quot;Lower your shields.&quot;
:'''Thumtax:''' &quot;But, I--&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' ''[wails]'' &quot;WAAAAAAAAAH!&quot;
:'''Thumtax:''' &quot;All right.  Lower shields.&quot;
:'''One of Thumtax's minions:''' &quot;Shields down.&quot;
:'''Thumtax:''' ''[to Captain Tantrum]'' &quot;All right, dear; our shields are down.  Is that better?&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;I guess so.&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' ''[to Singo and Officer Canker]'' &quot;FIRE MAIN LASERS!&quot;
:'''Singo ''[Mitchell]'':''' ''[sings]'' &quot;Firin' lasers!&quot;
:''[He and Officer Canker fire the lasers at Thumtax's ship.]''
:'''Thumtax:''' ''[screams, in the destruction of her ship]''
:'''Singo:''' ''[singing]'' &quot;Captain, that was brilliant; Captain, that was brilliant!&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Status report, Officer Canker.&quot;
:'''Officer Canker:''' &quot;Alien ship dee-stroyed.&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Excellent!  Take us out of here, Singo.  Heading 2614, mark 2.&quot;
:'''Officer Canker:''' &quot;But, but, Captain, we're supposed to be heading to Jupiter.  That mark will take us directly to some place called...Happy...''Toyland''...&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Soooo?&quot;
:'''Singo:''' &quot;We don't have time to go to Happy Toyland...no...&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;BUT I WANNA GO TO HAPPY TOYLAND!  I WANNA GO TO HAPPY TOYLAND!...&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Porkus II?!  That planet is entirely inhabited by...Pigginoids!&quot;
:'''Sosumi ''[Reyes]'':''' &quot;Pigginoids?! No! I was harmed and taunted by Pigginoids when I was a little girl!&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' ''[singsong]'' &quot;''No one cares...''&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Hey! You aliens! This is Captain Tantrum, of the U. S. S. Spaceship! ♪Whatcha doin'?♪&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(The U. S. S. Spaceship is under attack by an alien named Velcro, who is made of what his name indicates.)''
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Who are ''you''?&quot;
:'''Velcro ''[guest star Kevin Carlson]'':''' &quot;I...am Velcro.  And I am angry.&quot;
:''(He removes his neutral mouth and replaces it with his angry mouth.)''
:'''Velcro:''' &quot;See?&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;All right, VELCRO! Why have you attacked us?!&quot;
:'''Velcro:''' &quot;I have issues!&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Okay. But...will you please not attack us again?&quot;
:'''Lt. Fondue ''[Knowings]'':''' &quot;Oh, ''sure''!  You're all polite to ''him''...&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ashley:''' &quot;Our next letter comes from...Mary Schmid, of Butler, Pennsylvania.  Mary writes...'Dear Ashley'...thaaaat's me! 'Dear Ashley, for reason, people never pay any attention to me. No one seems to care about me, or anything that I have to say. How come everyone always ignores me?&quot;
:''[Ashley puts the letter down.]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ashley:''' &quot;Our next letter comes from...Lisa Lillian, of Queens, New York. Lisa writes...'Dear Ashley'...thaaaat's me! 'Dear Ashley, my name is Lisa. I just bought a new sweater. It is green. Sincerely, Lisa.'&quot;
:''[long pause]''
:'''Ashley:''' &quot;WHO STINKIN' CARES?! This is called 'ASK Ashley'! Not 'BORE Ashley to Stinkin' Death'!&quot; 
:'''Ashley:''' ''[mocking]'' &quot;''Gee, I'm Lisa Lillian! And I just bought a new sweater! It is green! I'm a moron'', and blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-BLAH!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Dr. Debbie is a cheerleading doctor.)''
:'''Dr. Debbie:''' &quot;Pain, pain, go away; come again...NEVER!&quot;

===[[w:Danny Tamberelli|Danny Tamberelli]]===
:'''Janitor Gaseous:''' &quot;Squat and rot!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack Campbell:''' &quot;I'm gonna collect all this evidence...with my face!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack Campbell:''' &quot;I'm Jack Campbell, Fat Cop!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Francis the Caveman:''' &quot;Me Francis, and I'm a caveman.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(An alien named Crouton [Tamberelli] is attacking the U. S. S. Spaceship; he has the power to telepathically control the ship and its crew.)''
:'''Crouton:''' &quot;Now, surrender your ship.&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum ''[Bynes]'':''' &quot;NEVER!&quot;
:'''Crouton:''' &quot;Then I will make you do more unpleasant things!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Singo ''[Mitchell]'':''' ''[singing]'' &quot;''Things aren't good...things are bad...Singo's feeling very sad...''&quot;
:'''Crouton ''[groaning]'':''' &quot;Stop it!&quot;
:'''Captain Tantrum:''' &quot;Did you ''see'' that?  Singo!  Sing something else!&quot;
:'''Singo:''' ''[singing]'' &quot;''Okay, Captain, have no fear; just tell me what you wanna hear!''&quot;
:'''Crouton ''[groaning]'':''' &quot;Stop the singing; it's ''killing me''!&quot;
:'''Officer Canker ''[Server]'':''' &quot;Wait a minute.  Whenever Singo sings...it harms Crouton!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hairy Spice:''' &quot;Sweaty, you better be careful around all this electrical equipment; I mean, you're just dripping in sweat.  And everybody knows that water and electricity...''don't mix''.&quot;

===[[w:Christy Knowings|Christy Knowings]]===
:'''Jessica:''' &quot;And, like, my name is Jessica; ''rrrr''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Winter Wonders:''' &quot;I'm Winter Wonders, and this is the game show called ''What Do You Do?'', where our panel tries to figure out what some kid does.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lt. Fondue ''[of the U. S. S. Spaceship]'':''' &quot;Captain! What is we gonna do?!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lt. Fondue:''' &quot;Captain! I'm receivin' a trans-mishy-on from the alien ship that attack-ed-ed us!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Miss Piddlin ''[Thompson]'':''' &quot;I see you had my Julio bring in your carrots.&quot;
:'''Miss Toodle ''[Miss Piddlin's lunch lady rival]'':''' &quot;Uh-huh, 'cause ya know, children love them some carrots, more than anything.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(It is Science Day at Dullmont Jr. High School, and none of the students except Tilly [Bynes] did a science project. Ms. Ernestine Klump, the teacher, chooses Jasper to go first.)''
:'''Jasper ''[Thompson]'':''' &quot;Um, this is a stick.&quot;
:''[He breaks the stick in half.]''
:'''Jasper:''' &quot;Now, it's two sticks.&quot;
:'''Ms. Klump:''' &quot;Oooo! Very good, Jasper! That science project will have ''many'' uses in the ''computer'' industry!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ms. Klump:''' &quot;Now, our next show and tell student is Thrack Morton.&quot;
:'''Thrack ''[Saul]'':''' &quot;Well, for show and tell today, I brought my new...instant juicer!  My Uncle Wayne gave it to me, for Nephew Day.&quot;
:''(Thrack places his juicing machine on Ms. Klump's desk, and takes out a bowl containing several oranges and cups.)''
:'''Ms. Klump:''' &quot;Wow!  A juicer; well, that's terrific!  Now, what does it do?&quot;
:'''Thrack:''' &quot;Well, first, you put the fruit in on top, like this.&quot;
:''(He puts an orange into the juicer.)''
:'''Thrack:''' &quot;Then, you press the button.&quot;
:''(He does so, and the juice from the orange pours into the cup that he has placed near the spout.)''
:'''Thrack:''' &quot;And, voilà...juice!&quot;
:''(He hands the juice to one of the other students ''[Thompson]''.)''
:'''Thrack:''' &quot;Here, try some.&quot;
:'''Other student:''' ''[after tasting the orange juice]'' &quot;Mmmm!  It tastes like sunshine on a Saturday morning!&quot;

===[[w:Leon Frierson|Leon Frierson]]===
:'''Leroy:''' &quot;Hey; my name's Leroy.&quot;
:'''Fuzz ''[a blue puppet]'':''' &quot;And my name is ''Fuzz''!&quot;
:''[He laughs.]''
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;How ya doin', Leroy?&quot;
:'''Leroy:''' &quot;Anyway, today we're here to talk about somethin' that irritates ''me''.  I'm talkin' about ''vegetables''.&quot;
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;Leroy, did I just hear you say you don't like vegetables?&quot;
:'''Leroy:''' &quot;You wanna make somethin' of it?&quot;
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;Well, gee; no...sorry.&quot;
:'''Leroy:''' &quot;I know.  Now, like I was sayin', before I was so ''rudely'' interrupted by the big-mouthed ''puppet''...&quot;
:''[He casts a sideways glance at Fuzz.]''
:'''Leroy:'''...vegetables are ''nasty''.&quot;
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;But, Leroy, vegetables are good for you.  They're full of ''vitamins and happiness''!&quot;
:''[He laughs.]'' 
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;And they ''taste'' great, too!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Leroy:''' &quot;Fuzz, we're not done yet.  We should have a blow-dryer.&quot;
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;A blow-dryer?  But that's not a blow-dryer; that's an industrial strength leaf-blower!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fuzz:''' ''[singing]'' &quot;''Mi-mi-mi...oh, I like to scrub in the tub, 'cause I can play in the bubbles, and wash away my troubles; oh, bath-time sure is fun!''&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;Kids gotta have a bedtime, so they get plenty of sleep!  Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep--&quot;
:'''Leroy:''' &quot;You on some kinda medical problem?!&quot;
:'''Fuzz:''' &quot;Yes.&quot;
:'''Leroy:''' &quot;It ''figures''.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Billy Fuco:''' &quot;I'M BILLY FUCO!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[There has been a long arguement over which Cloudy Knight singer should be top-billed.]''
:'''C.J.:''' &quot;Have y'all caught the midnight train to ''Georgia''? Now, I'm the cutest, and I got the biggest afro, so we will continue to be called...'C.J. and the Cloudy Knights.'&quot;

===[[w:Nick Cannon|Nick Cannon]]===
:'''LaTanya:''' &quot;Okaaaaay!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LaTanya:''' &quot;It's time to get our freak on!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Quik'N'Fast customer ''[Saul]'':''' &quot;Can I just buy these breath mints!&quot;
:'''LaTanya:''' &quot;Ugh! You ''need'' 'em, Mr. ''Garbage'' Mouth!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sweaty Spice:''' &quot;Boy Power!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sweaty Spice:''' &quot;Look, Burt; this just ain't workin'. ''Sorry''...&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===[[w:Mark Saul|Mark Saul]]===
:'''Yearbook photographer ''[Server]'':''' &quot;That's him!  That's the little ''hooligan'' that tied me up and hid me under the ''desk''!&quot;
:'''Stuart:''' &quot;Fine, I'm not the real ''yearbook photographer''. I'm just a guy named Stuart. But you know something? If I was the real ''yearbook photographer'', I'd be the best ''yearbook photographer'' IN ALL THE LAND! People would come up to me and say 'Oh, Stuart, you're the best ''yearbook photographer''...EVER!!!!!' You all sicken me!! Now I'm going to get on my pterodactyl and go.  C'mon, Terence.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Stuart:''' ''[Pretends to take a student's picture with a life-sized replica of an iguana]'' &quot;That picture's gonna come out just great!&quot;
:'''Student ''[Bynes]'':''' &quot;But, that's not a camera; that's an iguana.&quot;
:'''Stuart:''' &quot;You can't prove that!&quot;
:'''Stuart ''[to the iguana]'':''' &quot;She doesn't know what she's talking about, Mr. Camera.&quot;
:'''Student ''[Bynes]'':''' &quot;Look, nut! ''This'' is a camera, and ''that's'' an iguana.&quot;
:'''Stuart:''' &quot;And I'm a goat.&quot; 
:''[He bleats like a goat, and eats a handful of grass.]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hypno-Pants:''' &quot;Stare into my butt!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Murray:''' &quot;Hey! Could you--hey! Could you bring me--hey! Could you bring me a balloon?&quot;

===Other===

:''[The show opening]''
:'''Announcer ''[Soup]'':''' &quot;Fresh out the box! Stop, look, &amp; watch! Ready yet? Get set! It's All That!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Peter and Flem are performing the actions as narrated]''
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter sharpens pencils the old-fashioned way. Flem sharpens pencils in different parts of his body.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter exercises every day. He runs over five miles. Flem runs from the police.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter does his homework making sure he gets all the answers right. Flem hits things with a hammer.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;After dinner, Peter enjoys a fresh piece of fruit for dessert, like an apple.  Flem eats a bag of sugar.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter makes excuses to go to the restroom.  Flem's going to the restroom right now.&quot;
:''[Flem is not in his restroom.]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter turns off his TV set using a remote control.  Flem uses a brick.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter always brushes his teeth before going to bed.  Flem brushes his hobo.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter likes to grow nice plants and flowers.  Flem grows things under his arms.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter likes to read.  Flem can't.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Every day after school, Peter walks his dog, Fido.  Flem walks his grandmother.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;After doing his homework, Peter relaxes by watching public television.  Flem watches underwear.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;Peter uses his laptop computer to do his homework.  Flem smashes stolen coconuts.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kevin Kopelow|Kevin Kopelow]]:''' &quot;Five minutes! The show starts in five minutes!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kevin Kopelow|Kevin Kopelow]]:''' &quot;Listen up.  I'm just here to tell ya, that in ten minutes, the show will be startin' in ''five minutes''.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dan Schneider (producer)|Dan Schneider]]:''' &quot;Hiiiii, everyone! It's time for 'Ask Ashley'!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ed ''[Mitchell]'':''' Whoa!  We have a drive-through window!

:'''Mr. Bailey ''[Schneider]'':''' Ed, we've had a drive-through window for 3 years; it's right over there.

:''(He points the drive-through window out to Ed.)''

:'''Ed:''' Whoa!  How does the car fit through that little window over there?

:'''Mr. Bailey:''' It ''doesn't'', Ed!  The cars don't drive ''through'' the window; they drive ''past'' the window!

:'''Ed:''' Oh; well, why don't they call it a &quot;drive-pass&quot; window?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Mr. Bailey:''' ''[looks at a customer's winning ticket, which Ed claimed was for $5,000]'' &quot;Aw, for the love of decimals, Ed, this says he won ''50¢''! 50¢, not 5,000!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mýa|Mýa Harrison]]:''' ''[Describing the perils of live television]'' &quot;...And if things go horribly wrong, we'll show this video clip of Rhineheart the Dancing Monkey-Boy.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Complaint Department lady ''[Lori Beth Denberg]'':''' ''[to a customer]'' Complaint Department.  Whatcha doin'?

:'''Customer ''[Tricia Dickson]'':''' ''[southern accent]'' Well, I have a ''complaint''...

:'''Complaint Department lady:''' Is...that your complaint?

:'''Customer:''' No.

:'''Complaint Department lady:''' If you have no complaint, I must ask you to go home.

:'''Customer:''' Well, I certainly ''do'' have a ''complaint''.

:'''Complaint Department lady:''' Well, ''make'' up your ''mind''!  Do you have a complaint?

:'''Customer:''' Yes; I bought this here mini vacuum cleaner. But I wanted a blue one, like on the box...and they gave me this here red one, surely by mistake.

:'''Complaint Department lady:''' Well, if I were you, I'd take it right back to the store where I bought it.

==Dialogue==

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Kevin:''' &quot;Everyone, I have a little surprise for you all!  Kenan?&quot;

:''[Kenan enters, carrying the Big Ear of Corn, who was feared to be terminally ill.  The other cast members are delighted, especially Lori Beth.]''

:'''Josh:''' &quot;It's the Big Ear of Corn!&quot;

:'''Angelique:''' &quot;So, what was wrong with the Corn?&quot;

:'''Kenan:''' &quot;Nothin'; it turns out that the Big Ear of Corn wasn't even sick at all!  Katrina?&quot;

:''[Katrina enters, pushing a perambulator containing the Big Ear of Corn's four new offspring, each of whom is at least twice the size of a standard ear of corn.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Three new students--Maggot, Rash, and Spew, the members of the band Bacteria--have joined Miss Fingerly's class.)''

:'''Maggot ''[Server]'':''' ''[British accent]'' My name is Maggot!

:'''Rash ''[Reyes]'':''' I'm Rash!

:'''Spew ''[Thompson]'':''' They call me SPEW!

:'''Miss Fingerly ''[Denberg]'':''' All right.  Spew, Rash...Maggot.  Now, where are you children from?

:'''Student ''[Johnson]'':''' Miss Fingerly, don't you know who they are? 

:'''Student ''[Bates]'':''' Yeah!

:'''Student ''[Johnson]'':''' They're ''Bacteria''!

:'''Miss Fingerly:''' Now, let's not judge others by their appearance.

:'''Student ''[Mitchell]'':''' No; they're Bacteria, the hottest band around!

:'''Student ''[Johnson]'':''' Their CD, ''Raw Sewage'', just went Triple Platinum!

:'''Miss Fingerly:''' Oh, I see.  Well, perhaps you'd like to tell the class how your band ''got'' the name &quot;Bacteria&quot;!

:'''Maggot:''' Well, you see, our drummer, Spew, forgot to take a bath for 3½ years, and when we looked under his armpit, we found...

:'''Miss Fingerly:''' All right!  Let's all take our seats.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''(Treach, Kay Gee, and Vinnie, the members of the rap group Naughty By Nature, are in the library, practicing for their performance as the episode's musical guest)''

:'''Loud Librarian:''' Silence!  This is a ''liberry''!  Just who do you fellas think you are?!

:'''Kay Gee:''' We're Naughty By Nature.

:'''Loud Librarian:''' Oh, well; ''that's obvious''!

:'''Treach:''' No, no, no; we're the ''rap group'' Naughty By Nature.  This is Kay Gee, this is Vinnie, and I'm Treach, and we just came in--

:''(She blows her air horn)''

:'''Loud Librarian:''' Quiet!  This is a ''liberry''!  Now, look, Treach, Kay Gee, Vinnie?  I realize that you are all &quot;naughty&quot;, and that it is your &quot;nature&quot; to be so!  But if you wanna sing, you're not gonna do it in my liberry!

:''(She points to the stage)''

:'''Loud Librarian:''' You can sing over there!

:''(Naughty By Nature heads over to the stage)''

:'''Loud Librarian:''' ''(blows her whistle)'' Let's hear a round o' sound for...Naughty By Nature!

:''(She blows her air horn again; Naughty By Nature performs their hit &quot;Clap Yo Hands&quot;.)''


&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''(Rash has left Bacteria, and now Maggot and Spew are holding auditions for a new bass player.)''

:'''Maggot:''' Excuse me; before we start, can you even ''play'' the ''bass''?

:'''Waw ''[Tamberelli]'':''' WAAAAAAAW!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Amanda:''' Hey, everyone! Before the musical guest comes on, I wanted to show you my magic powers!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Audience:''' Ooh, aah!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Amanda:''' That's right! I'm going to turn these ice cubes into a glass of water!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(Puts the ice cubes into a glass; a few seconds go by)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Amanda:''' Hmmm. This trick usually takes a few hours. Hey, I know! I'll just turn this grapefruit into NSYNC instead! Alaka-ZAM!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(NSYNC appears)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''JC Chasez:''' Where are we?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Justin Timberlake:''' And why do we smell like grapefruit?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Josh is running on an unstoppable treadmill.]''
:'''Amanda''': Help! Help! I need help!
:'''Danny''': What's wrong?
:'''Amanda''': I need help.
:'''Danny''': Well, I'm right here.
:''[long pause]''
:'''Amanda''': Kenan! Kel! I NEED SOME HELP!!
:''[Kenan and Kel enter]''
:'''Kenan''': What's wrong? Was Danny bothering you?
:'''Kel''': Because we'll take care of him.
:'''Amanda''': No. It's Josh. He's stuck on the treadmill, and we can't make it stop!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(At Good Burger, Mr. Bailey [Tim Goodwin; later played by Dan Schneider] has introduced Ed [Mitchell] to the new employee, Beth [Bates], who becomes Ed's love interest. She and Ed are lost in thought.)''
:'''Ed:''' ''(thinking)'' I'm lost in thought.
:'''Beth:''' ''(thinking)'' He seems lost in thought.
:'''Ed:''' She's so pretty, just like a...like, uh...like someone who's pretty.
:'''Beth:''' I hope he thinks I'm pretty.
:'''Ed:''' I do.
:'''Beth:''' He'd be the coolest boyfriend.
:'''Ed:''' Some vegetables...are green.
:'''Beth:''' I wonder if he'll call me, and ask me out on a date.
:'''Ed:''' I want to call her, and ask her out on a date, but I don't know how...
:''[short pause]''
:'''Ed:''' ...to use a phone.
:'''Beth:''' Ed, it's so easy, spell.
:'''Ed:''' My foot's cold.
:''[looks down]''
:'''Ed:''' Hey!  I'm missin' a shoe!
:''(Earlier, a customer [Johnson] had found and complained about a shoe in the strawberry milkshake that she had ordered; presumably, this was Ed's right shoe.  He had actually noticed it in the milkshake machine, but hadn't bothered to remove it.  This had made her &quot;confused...and ''angry''!&quot;.)''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Superdude has just dispatched two bullies in a bank and gone outside to tie them up. A little girl dressed as Superdude runs into the bank )''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude ''[Amanda Bynes]'':''' NOBODY MOVE! This is a holdup!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(A security guard runs out screaming)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Weird-Voiced Man''': ...Superdude?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' That's right, I'm Superdude! Now gimme all the money--or I'll use my superpowers to harm you!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(The Sweaty Woman [Lori Beth Denberg] begins to empty the cash drawer as the real Superdude comes in)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude ''[Kenan Thompson]'':''' Those bullies won't be bothering anyone anymore!...hey, who are you?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' I'm, uh...Superdude!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(Pause)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' Excuse me? &lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman''': Quick! Grab the [[impostor]]! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(Before anyone can react, Fake Superdude rushes toward Superdude. The two spin around briefly, and end up facing the bank patrons.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Weird-Voiced Man:''' Oh, no! Now we can't tell which one is the REAL Superdude! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Black-Haired Woman:''' I'm totally confused! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman:''' Talk about conflict! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Penny Lane:''' Which one is the good Superdude, and which one is the bank-robbing ''evil twin''?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' ...Y'all are kidding me, right? &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' I'm the REAL Superdude! HE'S the IMPOSTOR! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' ''I'm'' the ''real'' one! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Weird-Voiced Man:''' I can't tell which is which! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Penny Lane:''' What are we gonna DO?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' What is WRONG with you people? LOOK AT US!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' He's evil, I tell ya! Evil. Evil!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' Look, look. I'll prove to you that I'm the real Superdude, aight? &lt;br/&gt;
:''(He picks up a metal bar and twists it into a knot. The patrons applaud.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' Now do you believe me?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Blond Woman:''' He IS the real Superdude!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' Wait, wait! Watch this! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(She grabs a piece of paper and, after a brief struggle, tears it in half.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Weird-Voiced Man:''' That one's got super strength, too! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' WHAT? That ain't super! Oh, for heaven's sake, look--this is NOT the real Superdude! She's a little girl!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Penny Lane:''' I've got an idea! Superdude is lactose intolerant!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' You ain't got to go there.&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Weird-Voiced Man:''' Lactose intolerant...what's that?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman:''' Lactose intolerant means that Superdude can't handle dairy products--such as cheese, whipped cream, and especially milk!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Penny Lane:''' The Sweaty Woman's right! Does anybody have a pitcher of milk?&lt;br/&gt;
:''(The Sweaty Woman has pulled a large pitcher of milk from behind the desk and is drinking from it.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman:''' ...I do!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Penny Lane:''' Here's how we'll tell them both apart. I'll pour this milk on both of them, and then the real Superdude will be horribly damaged!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' No, I don't think that that's such a good...&lt;br/&gt;
:''(Penny pours the milk over both of the Superdudes. Fake Superdude only screams, but Superdude falls to the ground.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' A...E...I...O...&lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman:''' SHE'S the impostor! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' The Sweaty Woman's right! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman:''' I'M ON A ROLL!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' But it's too late! Now with Superdude out of the way, I'm free to take all the money! Then I'll POSE as Superdude, and commit crimes ALL OVER THE WORLD! AAAAHHH HAAA HAA HAA!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(She takes the sacks of money and heads for the door)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Weird-Voiced Man:''' Oh, somebody help Superdude! &lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman:''' I've got a blow dryer! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(Penny takes the dryer and runs it over Superdude. Meanwhile, Fake Superdude stops to collect a toaster)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' Almost forgot my free toaster! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(She takes it and goes toward the door)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' Buh-bye...SUCKERS! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(Superdude is dry by now, and stands up.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' HOLD IT, you evil bank-robbing impostor! You're not going anywhere! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(He turns around and sends magnetic rays out of his buttocks. They attract the metal in toaster, and Fake Superdude, who is still holding the toaster, is pulled back.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' What happened? &lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' I stopped you by using my super magnetic force field from my super butt! You should've let go of the toaster, but you HAD to be greedy, didn't ya? &lt;br/&gt;
:''(Two police officers enter the bank)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' Aha! Officers, arrest this bank robbing person as my evil twin!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Police Officer:''' Wow. We just came here to open new accounts and get our free toasters.&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Police Officer:''' Thanks a lot, Superdude! Wow--you two really look identical! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(They take Fake Superdude into custody.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fake Superdude:''' NO! NOO! I'LL BE BACK, SUPERDUDE!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Penny Lane:''' I guess Evil Superdude picked the wrong day to rob a bank!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Superdude:''' You are correct. What can I say-you ''twin'' some, and you lose some! &lt;br/&gt;
:''(The patrons break into loud, faked laughter.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''The Sweaty Woman:''' I don't get it!...HA HA HA HA HA!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(Detective Dan [Josh Server] has ruined Helga's [Danny Tamberelli]'s wedding.''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Helga:''' YOOOOUUU!! You have angered Helga! ''(grabs Dectective Dan by his trench coat)'' Now you must pay!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Detective Dan:''' Don't mind if I do!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''(How Randy and Mandy usually introduce their cooking sketch, ''Cooking With Randy &amp; Mandy''.)''

:'''Randy ''[Kenan Thompson]'':''' Hi!  I'm Randy!

:'''Mandy ''[Angelique Bates]'':''' And I'm Mandy!

:'''Randy and Mandy ''[in unison]'':''' And this is ''Cooking With''...

:'''Randy:''' ...''Randy''...

:'''Mandy:''' ...''and Mandy''!  Hi, Randy!

:'''Randy:''' Hi, Mandy!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mandy:''' Moms tend to overlook the benefits of chocolate.

:'''Randy:''' Mainly that it tastes very, very good.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mandy:''' Our next dish is ''nachos''.

:'''Randy:''' First, you place the chips in a microwaveable plate...

:'''Mandy:''' ...and then you add ''chocolate''.

:'''Randy:''' Chocolate ''bars''...

:'''Mandy:''' ...chocolate ''chips''...

:'''Randy:''' ...chocolate ''sprinkles''...

:'''Mandy:''' ...chocolate ''powder''...

:'''Randy:''' ...chocolate ''syrup''...

:'''Randy and Mandy ''[in unison]'':''' ...''any'' kind of chocolate, ''really''.

:'''Randy:''' Because once they mesh together, they become one harmonious chocolate holiday; a ''celebration'' of chocolate, if you will.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Square dance caller ''[guest star Tim Farmer]'':''' Choose your partner!  Do-si-do!  Swing your partner 'round and 'round; pick him up and throw him down!  Yee-ha!  Kick him in the side, kick him in the head; change his name from Bob to Ted!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(The Island Girls are visited by Kiki's sister, Didi)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Didi ''[Johnson]'':''' Hello, hello!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Kiki''': I wonder who that is?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fran''': Who cares? It's a person...it's a person that's ''not you''!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(She runs to Didi)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fran''': Thank you, whoever you are! I'm rescued! I'm rescued! Finally--I'm rescued! Who are you?&lt;br/&gt;
:''(Didi removes her goggles)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Kiki''': Didi!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Didi''': Kiki!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fran''': Kiki, who is this?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Kiki''': This is my sister, Didi! Didi, this is my bestest friend, Fran!&lt;br/&gt;
:''(She hugs Fran, who looks terrified.)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Fran''': YOUR SISTER?!&lt;br/&gt;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quik'N'Fast customer ''[Bynes]'':''' Excuse me, can I have change for a 20?

:'''LaTanya ''[Cannon]'':''' Oooo, of course you can, 'cause this ''is'' Quik'N'Fast, the ''bank''!

:'''LaNeesha ''[Thompson]'':''' ''[to LaTanya]'' Wait a minute, girl!  I thought this was Quik'N'Fast, the ''store''!

:'''LaTanya:''' Oooo; you is so right, LaNeesha!  I was wrong, you was right; I was wrong, you was right!  

:'''LaTanya:''' ''[to the customer]'' So I guess you gonna hafta buy somethin' to get your change, then!

:'''Quik'N'Fast customer:''' Okay, fine, I'll...take this pack of gum.

:'''LaTanya:''' And I give you your change!

:''(She pours a beach pailful of pennies onto the counter.)''

:'''LaTanya:''' 1...3...13...it's all here.

:'''Quik'N'Fast customer:''' Hey, I didn't want ''pennies''!

:'''LaNeesha:''' Oooo, Ms. Fussy was just '''beggin'''' for change, and now she don't want it!

:'''LaTanya:''' Maybe she should come back when she knows what she wants, okay?  Bye!


&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miss Fingerly ''[Denberg]'':''' All right, class.  Today, we will be discussing popular music.  Now, who can tell me the name of the very first CD ever released by Boyz II Men?

:''(Harpo raises his hand.)''

:'''Miss Fingerly:''' All right, um...Harpo?

:'''Harpo ''[Thompson]'':''' Oh, yes!  Okay, all right, the very first CD by Boyz II Men was called &quot;II&quot;.

:'''Balthasar ''[Mitchell]'':''' Noooo...it's &quot;''Cooleyhighharmony''&quot;.

:'''Harpo:''' No!  You're wrong, man!  It was called &quot;''II''&quot;!

:'''Balthasar:''' &quot;''Cooleyhighharmony''&quot;!

:'''Harpo:''' &quot;''II''&quot;!

:'''Balthasar:''' &quot;''Cooleyhighharmony''&quot;!

:'''Harpo:''' &quot;''II''&quot;!

:'''Balthasar:''' Oh!  &quot;''Cooleyhighharmony''&quot;!

:'''Harpo:''' Oh!  I ''hate'' you!

:'''Balthasar:''' You make me ''sad''!

:'''Harpo:''' Okay; fine, Balthasar!  Okay; so, like, you think that Boyz II Men's first CD was called &quot;''Cooleyhighharmony''&quot;.  But ''I'' know who can settle this, man.

:''(Harpo goes to the door and opens it.)''

:'''Harpo:''' Chuh-''guh''!

:''(The members of the musical guest, Boyz II Men--Nathan Morris, Michael McCary, Wanya Morris, and Marc Nelson--enter the classroom.)''

:'''Harpo:''' Hey!  Boyz II Men!  Okay, men, Balthasar there says that your ''first'' CD was entitled &quot;Cooleyhighharmony&quot;, but ''I'' think that it was called &quot;''II''&quot;.  So, who's right?

:'''Marc Nelson:''' Well, Harpo, I hate to tell you this, but, um, Balthasar is right.  

:'''Wanya Morris:''' Yeah. Our first CD was called &quot;Cooleyhighharmony&quot;; the second one was entitled &quot;II&quot;.

:'''Nathan Morris:''' Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, you know, like, &quot;II&quot;...&quot;II&quot;, the second...second album.  

:'''Harpo:''' I feel so ''foolish''.


&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''(What the &quot;Whatever Girls&quot; usually say)''&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Gina''':Okay?&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Jessica''': Okay!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Gina''': Okay!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Jessica''': Okay!&lt;br/&gt;
:'''Both''': OKAY!!!&lt;br/&gt;

==Second Run (seasons 7-10)==
===[[w:Chelsea Brummet|Chelsea Brummet]]===
:'''Bridget:''' &quot;Hi!  I'm Bridget, and this is my...SLUMBER PARTY!&quot; 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Abby Rhodes:''' &quot;Like, okay, okay?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mega Butt:''' &quot;Butt powers ACTIVATE!&quot;

===[[w:Jack DeSena|Jack DeSena]]===
:'''Slimon Bowel:''' &quot;I hate you all.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Randy Quench:''' &quot;Here comes me!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Randy Quench:''' &quot;I'm Randy Quench! Volunteer Fireman!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Carson Daly:''' &quot;I'm now bleeding from the ears! I hope you're happy!&quot;

===[[w:Lisa Foiles|Lisa Foiles]]===
:'''Claudia:''' &quot;When life gives me lemons, I suck them.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Claudia:''' &quot;I want to give you all an infection.&quot;
:'''Bridget ''[Brummet]'':''' &quot;Infect people ''later''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Heather Darling:''' &quot;INCOMING!!!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Heather Darling:''' &quot;That's my name!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kaffy:''' &quot;MY HEART IS POUNDING LIKE A JACKHAMMER!&quot;

===[[w:Kyle Sullivan|Kyle Sullivan]]===
:'''Harry Bladder:''' &quot;Weenius nosium!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Sacco (Lyons) had enlarged Herhiney's (Foiles) buttocks.]''
:'''Harry Bladder:''' &quot;Look what you did to her heinie!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Brian Peafest''': &quot;Who will be the next American Idiot?&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Buzz:''' &quot;MY PULSE IS RACING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ernie:''' &quot;Here comes the loopy-de-loop.&quot;

===[[w:Shane Lyons|Shane Lyons]]===
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Soupdude:''' &quot;''I'm'' not Superdude! I'm...''Soupdude''!&quot;

===[[w:Giovonnie Samuels|Giovonnie Samuels]]===
:'''Mandy Snackson:''' &quot;Dawg, you did your thing.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Driving Instructor:''' &quot;Don't be distracted by distractions!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dill:''' &quot;Once upon a time...there was this little puppy named Cuddles.  And then...Cuddles ate a huge banana split!&quot;

===[[w:Bryan Hearne|Bryan Hearne]]===
:'''Re-Ron:''' &quot;I'm Harry Bladder's precocious best friend!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Zigfried:''' &quot;KUMQUAT!...jerk.&quot;

===[[w:Jamie Lynn Spears|Jamie Lynn Spears]]===
:'''Thelma Stump:''' &quot;Got any bacon?...Bacon's goooood.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Carlee:'''&quot;I'm Carlee--&quot; 
:'''Marlee ''[Foiles]'':''' &quot;--and I'm Marlee--&quot; 
:'''Both ''[in unison]'':''' &quot;--and we've got a passion for trashin' fashion! Uh-huh!&quot;

===[[w:Christina Kirkman|Christina Kirkman]]===
:'''Cindy Lou Rougeneck:''' &quot;I want some babyback ribs!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sunshine Sally:''' &quot;So, go get the tacos.&quot;

===[[w:Kianna Underwood|Kianna Underwood]]===
:'''Kareena Jones:''' &quot;Sass-er-frass!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kareena Jones:''' &quot;No flapjacks for you TODAY!!&quot;

===[[w:Denzel Whitaker|Denzel Whitaker]]===
:'''Cupid:''' &quot;I don't like it now, and I didn't like it when I was a tall white guy!&quot; ''(the part had previously been played by Lyons)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jeff Bester:''' &quot;When it comes to safety, I know bester!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jeff Bester:''' &quot;Yo-yo's going crazy.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jeff Bester:''' &quot;Jeff Bester deems these crayons...UNSAFE!&quot;
:''(He makes a loud buzzer noise.)''

===Other===
:'''Lady in Shane's Mouth ''[Schneider]'':''' &quot;Don't live in a mouth!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer ''[Brian Peck]'':''' &quot;Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...&quot;

==Third Run (season 11)==
===[[:Kate Godfrey|Kate Godfrey]]===
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' ''(in a boys-only treehouse)'' &quot;Welcome back to ''Getting Rid Of Your Stuff''.  I'm your host, Marie Kiddo.  I help people decide what to keep, and what to get rid of.  Today, I'm here at this super-secret clubhouse for boys.&quot;
:''(The treehouse belongs to two friends, Chad and Randy, who are asleep in their hammocks.)''
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;HI, CHAD AND RANDY!&quot;
:''(Chad and Randy fall out of their hammocks.)''
:'''Chad ''(Ryan Alessi)'':''' &quot;Marie?  How'd ''you'' get in here?&quot;
:'''Randy ''(Lex Lumpkin)'':''' &quot;No girls allowed, Marie.&quot;
:''(Randy points to where it says &quot;Boys Only&quot; on one of the treehouse walls.)'' 
:'''Chad:''' &quot;Yeah; didn't you read the sign?&quot;
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;Yep.&quot;
:''(She notices some comic books of theirs, and picks them up.)'' 
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;Tell me about these comic books.  Do they bring you joy?&quot;
:'''Chad:''' &quot;Yep; they're colorful ''and'' violent.&quot;
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;Then we keep the comics.&quot;
:'''Randy:''' &quot;''O''kay.&quot;
:''(She puts them down, and then notices the beanbag chairs.)''
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;How about these old beanbag chairs?  Do they spark gladness?&quot;
:'''Chad:''' &quot;Spark gladness?&quot;
:'''Randy:''' &quot;You mean, does Chad fart in them?&quot;
:'''Chad:''' &quot;Randy!&quot;
:'''Randy:''' &quot;Hey, you spark '''somethin'''' in them all the time.&quot;
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;In that case, we thank you, beanbag chairs, and we give a little giggle.&quot;
:''(She giggles mischievously.)''
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;DESTROOOOY!&quot;
:''(She makes three long steel claws, similar to those of Wolverine from ''X-Men'', emerge from each of her hands, and she uses these claws to destroy the beanbag chairs.)''
:'''Chad:''' &quot;Marie! I ''sit'' in those!&quot;
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEARD!&quot;
:''(short pause)''
:'''Marie Kiddo:''' &quot;And we're calm.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Positive Poppi:''' &quot;Hi!  I'm Positive Poppi.  Today's inspirational quote to keep in mind is, 'Life is a gift'.&quot;
:''(A giant present, wrapped in yellow wrapping paper with red flowers and tied with green ribbon, falls on her; only her feet are now visible.)''
:'''Positive Poppi:''' &quot;Stay positive!&quot;

===[[:Gabrielle Nevaeh Greene|Gabrielle Nevaeh Greene]]===
:'''Alisha:''' ''(to a customer at Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee)'' &quot;Good morning!  I'm Alicia, your barista.  Welcome to Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee!  Would you like to taste-test our new espresso?&quot;
:''(Alisha takes a sip of the espresso, then discards the cup.)''
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;YOLO!  Ever been to Yolo County in California?  It's a real place!&quot;
:''(She runs over to a map of the lower 48 states, and points out Yolo County, California.)''
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;''See''?&quot;
:'''Customer ''(Reece Caddell)'':''' &quot;It is way too early for whatever is happening right now.&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Early bird gets the worm!  Do you know some people refer to the worm as the caterpillar?  The dance, not the animal.  Can you do the worm?  I can.&quot;
:''(She gets down on the floor and does the worm.)''
:'''Customer:''' &quot;I--can I just have an iced coffee?&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Sure!&quot;
:''(Alisha goes back behind the counter.)''
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Would you like that teeny tiny, medium, medium plus, biggie small, or a super duper?&quot;
:''(She places a super duper-sized display cup on the counter.)''
:'''Customer:''' &quot;''That's'' way too big.&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Okay, too big!&quot;
:''(She discards the super duper-sized cup.)''
:'''Alisha:''' ''(discarding the teeny tiny-sized display cup)'' &quot;Too small!&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' ''(taking a sip from her own medium-sized cup of coffee)'' &quot;Ah, just right!  Did you know Goldilocks originally had silver hair?  Guess it was really someone's Grandma sneaking into that bears' house.  My Grandma's name is Carrie; what's yours?&quot;
:'''Customer:''' &quot;Can I just have a coff--&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Is it Geraldine?&quot;
:'''Customer:''' &quot;A coffee with--&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Ruby?&quot;
:'''Customer:''' &quot;''No''!&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Lucille?&quot;
:'''Customer:''' &quot;You know what?  Forget it; I'm awake!&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Thanks for waking up at Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee!&quot;
:''(The customer smiles sarcastically, and then she leaves.)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Customer ''(Godfrey)'':''' &quot;Good morning.&quot;
:'''Alisha:''' &quot;Good morning; welcome to Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee...Coffee Coffee Coffee Coffee!  Coffee!  Coffee!&quot;

===[[:Nathan Janak|Nathan Janak]]===
:''(He hosts the sketch ''Cancelled With Nathan''.)''

:'''Himself:''' &quot;Welcome to...''Cancelled'', ''With Nathan''.  I am here to tell you what is now ''officially'' cancelled, and ''why''.  Up next we have people just saying 'kay' instead of 'okay'.  Yes, 'kay' is...''cancelled''!  No, I am not cancelling the ''letter'' 'K'.  It can stay.  I need to spell words like 'kangaroo'...and 'kazoo'.  And 'knight', even though it ''is'' silent.  But replying with 'kay' instead of 'okay' is ''not okay''.  I texted my friend Jeremy a question.  I asked, 'Hey, Jeremy, when you're done with that scooter, can you let me know, because ''I'' want to use it next?'.  And he replied with...'kay'.  Have you ever heard anything more rude in your whole life?!  What, am I not worth the 'O'?!  I was under the impression that we were ''friends''.  What kind of friend is ''too'' lazy to reply back with ''two syllables''?!  I got him the ''exact'' limited edition skateboard that he wanted for his birthday.  And in return, ''I'' can't even get ''two letters''?!  Phew!  Well, guess what, Jeremy.  Maybe ''I'm'' too lazy to say all of ''''Jeremy'''' now.  So from ''now'' on, you're Jer...''kay''?&quot;

===[[:Lex Lumpkin|Lex Lumpkin]]===
:'''Long Coat:''' &quot;All right!  We've assembled some of the toughest, most ruthless villains in all of Cityville.  Robo Arms!  Rocket Shoes!  And Hot Breath!  The first place we hit is the bank, and with all of us, Hero Boy won't be able to stop us!&quot;
:'''Robo Arms ''(Chinguun Sergelen)'':''' &quot;If Hero Boy comes ''anywhere near'' us, I'll destroy him by launching a truck at him with the sheer force of my arms!&quot;
:'''All:''' &quot;YEAH!&quot;
:'''Rocket Shoes ''(Greene)'':''' &quot;If I see him, I will ''blast'' into him full speed with the immense power of my rockets!&quot;
:'''All:''' &quot;YEAH!&quot;
:'''Hot Breath ''(Godfrey)'':''' &quot;And I'll breathe a gaping hole into the ground until Hero Boy falls to him doom!&quot;
:'''All:''' &quot;YEAH!&quot;
:'''Long Coat:''' &quot;And I'll have this...very long coat.  Now, when we ''first'' get in the bank, I...&quot;
:''(Robo Arms raises his right hand.)''
:'''Long Coat:''' &quot;What is it, Robo Arms?&quot;
:'''Robo Arms:''' &quot;Am I the only one who feels like...the coat really isn't that helpful?  I mean, we all explained what we would do in full detail, but--&quot;
:'''Long Coat:''' &quot;Bad guys always wear long coats.  It's scary.&quot;

===[[:Chinguun Sergelen|Chinguun Sergelen]]===
:'''Benny ''(Sergelen)'':''' &quot;Hey, it's ''Unboxing With Benny'', the show where I open boxes and show you guys what's inside.  And I'm ''very'' excited about ''this'' one, guys.  ''This'' is the new Funtendo 64 gaming system.  Oh, you've never heard of it?  That's because it doesn't come out for another ''year''!  Lucky for you, I'm famous, so they sent me one.  Let the unboxing begin!&quot;
:''(Benny tries in vain to open his package.)''
:'''Benny:''' &quot;Mmm, sturdy packaging...this is a little harder to open than I thought.  BRB.&quot;
:''(Cut to him holding a pair of heavy-duty scissors.)''
:'''Benny:''' &quot;Trust me, you guys are gonna ''freak'' when you see what's in this box...&quot;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;FREAK!&quot;
:''(Benny tries to cut the box open, but the scissors break.)''
:'''Benny:''' &quot;...just as soon as I can get it open.  Trust me, you will freak.&quot;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;FREAK!&quot;
:''(Benny calls Funtendo Customer Support, and talks to an agent.)'''
:'''Funtendo Customer Support agent ''(on the phone)'':''' &quot;Funtendo Customer Support.  If you need help, say 'help'&quot;.
:'''Benny:''' &quot;Help!&quot;
:'''Funtendo Customer Support agent:''' &quot;Did you say...'applesauce'?&quot;
:'''Benny:''' &quot;Applesauce?!  ''Why'' would I say 'applesauce'?!&quot;
:'''Funtendo Customer Support agent:''' &quot;Transferring you to...applesauce.&quot;

===[[:Reece Caddell|Reece Caddell]]===
:''(In this season, she is the host of ''Vital Information''.)''

:&quot;Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Beans make the farts go longer.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:&quot;Out of sight, out of mind?  Out of money, out of ''ice cream''; you know what I'm ''saying''.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:&quot;If you're in a pickle...get outta that pickle, man; ''come on''!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:&quot;Open the window and the air in...unless ''Aaron'' is a ''jewel thief''.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:&quot;If a train is traveling from Chicago to New York at 130 miles an hour, and the train leaves at 8:35 in the morning...you should ''fly''.  It's ''way'' faster.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:&quot;If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.  Unless they are eggs.  Never join ''eggs''.  ''Trust'' me.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:&quot;You shouldn't judge a book by its cover.  You also shouldn't cover your book with peanut butter, and run around school, saying, 'Don't be ''jelly''...'.&quot;

===[[:Ryan Alessi|Ryan Alessi]]===
:'''Other character ''(Caddell)'':''' &quot;O, M, G.  I heard ''Scary Basement IV'' is so much scarier than the first three.&quot;
:'''Other character ''(Aria Brooks)'':''' &quot;I heard the first ten seconds are the scariest ten seconds in cinema history.  #ScaryBasementIVChallenge.&quot;
:''(She shrieks in delight.)''
:'''Other character ''(Caddell)'':''' &quot;Can't wait!&quot;
:'''T@$#le!gh:''' &quot;''Soooo'' scared!  O. M. G.; tag me in that.  It's T@$#le!gh. T-at sign-dollar sign-hashtag-L-E-exclamation point-G-''H''.&quot;
:'''Other character ''(Aria Brooks)'':''' &quot;Guys...don't look, it's Tevin; O...&quot;
:'''Other character ''(Caddell)'':''' &quot;...M...&quot;
:'''T@$#le!gh:''' &quot;...G!&quot;
:'''Tevin ''(Godfrey)'':''' &quot;Bro, bro, I'm ''so'' gonna make it through the first ten seconds, no prob.&quot;
:'''Other character ''(Lumpkin)'':''' &quot;Dude, I don't know.  Trad saw ''Scary Basement'' and his whole family had to move to a house ''without'' a basement.&quot;
:'''Other character ''(Janak)'':''' &quot;Bro, I am so stoked; I am not even scared ''at all''.&quot;
:'''Tevin:''' &quot;''At all'', bro.&quot;
:'''Other character ''(Lumpkin)'':''' &quot;Bro!&quot;
:'''Other character ''(Janak)'':''' &quot;Bro!&quot;
:''(All three fist-bump.)''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Announcer:''' &quot;It's time for the world's easiest game show, ''Simplicity''!  And here's your host, Dell Devine!&quot;
:'''Dell Devine ''(Alessi)'':''' &quot;Welcome to ''Simplicity'', the simplest game show in the whole world.  Let's meet our contestants for today.  From East Dakota, Linda Schnutzenberger.&quot;
:'''Linda Schnutzenberger ''(Caddell)'':''' &quot;Hi!&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;And from Dallas, Canada...Larry Van Halen!&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen ''(Sergelen)'':''' &quot;Whuh-''sup''?&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;Let's play ''Simplicity''.  The rules are simple.  I'll ask a question.  If you know the answer, press one green button and two red ones.  If you ''don't'' know the answer, pull the lever and honk the horn.  But if you hear ''this'' sound...&quot;
:''(The buzzer sounds.)''
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;...push a blue button, wait three seconds, then twist the purple knob.  Whatever you do, ''do not touch the kazoo''.  Everybody ready?&quot;
:'''Linda Schnutzenberger:''' &quot;''Ready''...&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;''NOOOO''...&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;First question.  What sport is played with a basketball?&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;Basketball!&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;That is correct!&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;''Yes''!&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;''But'' you forgot to ring a bell.&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;What ''bell''?&quot;
:''(The buzzer sounds.)''
:'''Linda Schnutzenberger:''' &quot;Basketball.&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;Correct!  Linda wins Round 1!&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;But, she didn't ring a bell.&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;''Yes'', Larry.  That's because after one contestant answers incorrectly, the other contestant can answer ''if'' they're eating a 12-foot party sub.&quot;
:''(Linda is revealed to be doing this.)''
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;And now, it's time for Round 6!&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;Wha--Round ''6''?  Can we go over the rules again?&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;''No''...next question.  How many eggs are in a dozen?&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;Twelve.&quot;
:''(A fisherman enters, and hits Larry with a large-mouthed spotted bass.)''
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;Hey!  What was ''that''?!&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;You got the answer wrong.  So you got slapped in the face with a large-mouthed spotted bass!&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;But...a dozen ''is'' twelve.&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;''But'', in Round 6, all the answers are supposed to be ''divided'' by six, so the correct answer is two.  Linda?&quot;
:'''Linda Schnutzenberger:''' &quot;Nine.&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;You're gonna get slapped with a fish--&quot;
:''(The fisherman returns, and again hits Larry with the fish.)''
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;Why ''me''?!  The right answer was ''two''!&quot;
:'''Dell Devine:''' &quot;''That's'' because ''you'' are in Round ''6''.  ''Linda'' is in Round ''3''.  The rules are pretty clear, Larry.&quot;
:'''Linda Schnutzenberger:''' ''(to Larry)'' &quot;What are you ''not'' understanding?&quot;
:'''Larry Van Halen:''' &quot;A ''lot''!&quot;

===[[:Aria Brooks|Aria Brooks]]===
:'''Lt. Uhlot:''' ''(an extraterrestrial, of Star Crew)'' &quot;Well...Officer 'Smart'...the Klorgons are still here, and they're still mad!&quot;

:'''Klorgon leader ''(Caddell)'':''' &quot;''And'' covered in various ''teas''.&quot;
:''(Officer Smart [Janak] miscalculated that dousing the hostile Klorgon extraterrestrials with iced tea would be sufficient to defeat them.)''
&lt;hr width=50%h/&gt;
:''(All of Officer Smart's calculations have proven inaccurate.)''
:'''Lt. Uhlot:''' &quot;Enough!  No more of your ''stupid calculations''!  Because according to ''my'' calculations, ''you have yet to be right''!&quot;


===[[:Other|Other]]===
:''(Singer Gabriella Sarmiento Wilson, known professionally as H. E. R. [Having Everything Revealed], is the musical guest for this episode; she is at Good Burger, and she has given Ed her order.)''
:'''Ed ''(Kel Mitchell)'':''' &quot;What's the name on the order?&quot;

:'''H. E. R.:''' &quot;H. E. R..&quot;

:'''Ed:''' &quot;Oh, you...you want it in ''her'' name?&quot;
:''(He points to another woman who is eating at Good Burger.)''

:'''H. E. R.:''' &quot;No, no.  ''I'm'' H. E. R..&quot;

:'''Ed:''' &quot;Oh, okay; well, if you're ''her'', then who is ''she''?&quot;

:'''H. E. R.:''' &quot;I don't ''know'' who she is.  Listen carefully, okay?  My name...is ''H. E. R.''.  ''H. E. R.'' is ''me''.&quot;

:'''Ed:''' &quot;I thought ''I'' was me.  And I thought you were ''her''.&quot;

:'''H. E. R.:''' &quot;She ''is'' her.&quot;

:'''Ed:''' &quot;Oh.  Okay; then, who am ''I''?&quot;

:'''H. E. R.:''' &quot;Can we just stop trying to figure out who everybody else is, please?&quot;

:'''Ed:''' &quot;No, no, no, no; I think I got it.  Okay.  You're ''you'', she's ''her'', and you're ''also'' her.  All right, but she's not ''you''.  Okay?  And then ''I'm'' not her, because I'm me.  But...sometimes, I'm you.  All right?  So, she's not me...okay...and she's not ''you'', and she's not ''her'', and I don't know who the heck ''that'' is.&quot;
:''(He points to another man at Good Burger.)''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0111875|title=All That}}
*{{TV.com|name=all-that|id=3090|title=All That}}

[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Toy Story 2</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>13959</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3145974</id>
      <parentid>3130511</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T15:41:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17442" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp. Woody then yells at the other toys that Andy's back. The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. the contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3145975</id>
      <parentid>3145974</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T15:45:04Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Al McWhiggin */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17807" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. the contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp. Woody then yells at the other toys that Andy's back. The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. the contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>sngr6osuk4g5se878ii7ycehglq9f4y</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3145976</id>
      <parentid>3145975</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T15:46:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17807" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp. Woody then yells at the other toys that Andy's back. The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3145977</id>
      <parentid>3145976</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T15:47:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
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      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17816" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp. Woody then yells at the other toys that Andy's back. The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz #2 uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz #2''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz #2''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3145981</id>
      <parentid>3145977</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T15:59:05Z</timestamp>
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        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
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'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp. Woody then yells at the other toys that Andy's back. The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz #2 uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz #2''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz #2''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The airplane flying, the Pizza Planet truck parks on the white zone]''
:'''Rex''': Guys, we can't park here. It's a white zone.
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
:''[Buzz points at off-screen]''
:'''Buzz''': There he is.
:''[It sees Al, he sees some pet carriers inside the airport which give him an idea. The pet carrier is moving with Buzz's feet walking into the airport]''
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Will you just leave me alone?
:'''Rex''': Oh, someone's coming!
:'''Girl''': Ooh, a puppy!
:'''Slinky''': Bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Girl screams and runs away]''
:'''Slinky''': Bark, bark-bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Buzz thumbs up]''
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>i86x7sigdamhi6kky0rn5ka7u9dqr1t</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3145983</id>
      <parentid>3145981</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:01:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="18744" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp.]''
:'''Andy''': Yee-haw! Ride 'em, cowboy! Whoo! Yeah, giddy-up! Yeah, giddy-up!
:'''Woody''': He's back? Hey, everybody! Andy's back! ''[to the other toys]'' He's back early from cowboy camp!
:'''Hamm''': Places, everybody! Andy's coming!
:''[The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz #2 uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz #2''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz #2''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The airplane flying, the Pizza Planet truck parks on the white zone]''
:'''Rex''': Guys, we can't park here. It's a white zone.
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
:''[Buzz points at off-screen]''
:'''Buzz''': There he is.
:''[It sees Al, he sees some pet carriers inside the airport which give him an idea. The pet carrier is moving with Buzz's feet walking into the airport]''
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Will you just leave me alone?
:'''Rex''': Oh, someone's coming!
:'''Girl''': Ooh, a puppy!
:'''Slinky''': Bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Girl screams and runs away]''
:'''Slinky''': Bark, bark-bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Buzz thumbs up]''
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>7a7yeu6harmdmefbbhqefwu2m6dptmy</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146057</id>
      <parentid>3145983</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T19:22:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="20238" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp.]''
:'''Andy''': Yee-haw! Ride 'em, cowboy! Whoo! Yeah, giddy-up! Yeah, giddy-up!
:'''Woody''': He's back? Hey, everybody! Andy's back! ''[to the other toys]'' He's back early from cowboy camp!
:'''Hamm''': Places, everybody! Andy's coming!
:''[The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Molly. Don't touch that, please.
:'''Al''': Lady. Lady. Lady.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Yeah. Go home, Mr. Fancy Car.
:''[Al stumbles on a skateboard. Sees at Andy's Mom]''
:'''Buzz''': Hold on.
:'''Hamm''': What's up?
:'''Rex''': What is it, Buzz?
:''[The skateboard toward some boxes]''
:'''Andy's Mom''': Molly. I'll be right here, sweetie. Oh! What now?
:''[She hears a crash noise. Al opens the case and grabs Woody]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': What's happening down there?
:'''Hamm''': What's going on down there?
:'''Slinky''': What's he doing?
:'''Rex''': I can't watch. Can someone cover my eyes?
:'''Buzz''': Oh, no. He's stealing Woody!
:'''Toys''': What?!
:'''Hamm''': Stealing?! Wait!
:'''Rex''': He can't take Woody. It's illegal!
:'''Slinky''': Where's he going?
:'''Rex''': Somebody do something.
:''[Buzz puts Lenny down and runs to the drainpipe to slide down]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Buzz!
:''[Buzz reaches the ground and runs to rescue Woody]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get him, Buzz.
:''[Buzz runs behind the table as a person walks past]''
:'''Person''': Okay, where's the red jacket?
:''[Buzz runs to the mailbox and a car moves from the driveway. He runs to it and tries to the trunk. He opens the lock and turns it to opens the trunk, pops him off and falling on the road. Buzz sees a chicken feathers fly away with the car drives away. He picks up a feather. Andy's toys shock]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Why would someone steal Woody?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.
:''[static]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz #2 uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz #2''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz #2''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The airplane flying, the Pizza Planet truck parks on the white zone]''
:'''Rex''': Guys, we can't park here. It's a white zone.
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
:''[Buzz points at off-screen]''
:'''Buzz''': There he is.
:''[It sees Al, he sees some pet carriers inside the airport which give him an idea. The pet carrier is moving with Buzz's feet walking into the airport]''
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Will you just leave me alone?
:'''Rex''': Oh, someone's coming!
:'''Girl''': Ooh, a puppy!
:'''Slinky''': Bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Girl screams and runs away]''
:'''Slinky''': Bark, bark-bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Buzz thumbs up]''
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Dialogue ==
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:14:04Z</timestamp>
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        <id>3078761</id>
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      <comment>Undo revision 3146138 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]])</comment>
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'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp.]''
:'''Andy''': Yee-haw! Ride 'em, cowboy! Whoo! Yeah, giddy-up! Yeah, giddy-up!
:'''Woody''': He's back? Hey, everybody! Andy's back! ''[to the other toys]'' He's back early from cowboy camp!
:'''Hamm''': Places, everybody! Andy's coming!
:''[The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Molly. Don't touch that, please.
:'''Al''': Lady. Lady. Lady.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Yeah. Go home, Mr. Fancy Car.
:''[Al stumbles on a skateboard. Sees at Andy's Mom]''
:'''Buzz''': Hold on.
:'''Hamm''': What's up?
:'''Rex''': What is it, Buzz?
:''[The skateboard toward some boxes]''
:'''Andy's Mom''': Molly. I'll be right here, sweetie. Oh! What now?
:''[She hears a crash noise. Al opens the case and grabs Woody]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': What's happening down there?
:'''Hamm''': What's going on down there?
:'''Slinky''': What's he doing?
:'''Rex''': I can't watch. Can someone cover my eyes?
:'''Buzz''': Oh, no. He's stealing Woody!
:'''Toys''': What?!
:'''Hamm''': Stealing?! Wait!
:'''Rex''': He can't take Woody. It's illegal!
:'''Slinky''': Where's he going?
:'''Rex''': Somebody do something.
:''[Buzz puts Lenny down and runs to the drainpipe to slide down]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Buzz!
:''[Buzz reaches the ground and runs to rescue Woody]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get him, Buzz.
:''[Buzz runs behind the table as a person walks past]''
:'''Person''': Okay, where's the red jacket?
:''[Buzz runs to the mailbox and a car moves from the driveway. He runs to it and tries to the trunk. He opens the lock and turns it to opens the trunk, pops him off and falling on the road. Buzz sees a chicken feathers fly away with the car drives away. He picks up a feather. Andy's toys shock]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Why would someone steal Woody?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.
:''[static]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz #2 uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz #2''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz #2''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The airplane flying, the Pizza Planet truck parks on the white zone]''
:'''Rex''': Guys, we can't park here. It's a white zone.
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
:''[Buzz points at off-screen]''
:'''Buzz''': There he is.
:''[It sees Al, he sees some pet carriers inside the airport which give him an idea. The pet carrier is moving with Buzz's feet walking into the airport]''
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Will you just leave me alone?
:'''Rex''': Oh, someone's coming!
:'''Girl''': Ooh, a puppy!
:'''Slinky''': Bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Girl screams and runs away]''
:'''Slinky''': Bark, bark-bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Buzz thumbs up]''
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>074rukmjv7wxqco4w46g74l47v12zsc</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146171</id>
      <parentid>3146167</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:15:49Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Undo revision 3146167 by [[Special:Contributions/Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]])retrim</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="8603" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Dialogue ==
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>edv3pwwlenupi86847uili0bpzn8wcp</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146176</id>
      <parentid>3146171</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:18:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Undo revision 3146171 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) stop enforcing this non-policy, take it to the talk page for once</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="20238" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]].
{{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Woody ==
* Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

== Buzz Lightyear ==
* Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me?

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Woody's been shelved!
* Prepare to meet ''[shouts; he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall]'' Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh, argh!

== Al McWhiggin ==
* ''[on the phone as he starts packing]'' To overnight, 6 packages to Japan is how much? What? That's in yen, right? DOLLARS?'! Oh, you are deliberately takin' advantage of people in a hurry! You know that?'!
* ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport? ''['''Clerk''': I understand, sir.]'' You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something? ''['''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.]'' Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Zurg''': ''[in video game]'' So, we meet again Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!
:'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg!
:''[Zurg fires at Buzz, whose reflecting Zurg's attacks with a Metalic Shield, Buzz throws a shield and hits Zurg, he fires at Buzz as he jumps over. Just as Buzz is about to fire his laser, Zurg finishes him off, leaving only his lower half to remain]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the beginning of the movie, Rex just lost a Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg game, right when nearly winning]''
:'''Rex''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, you almost had him.
:'''Rex''': I'm never gonna defeat Zurg!
:'''Buzz''': Sure, you will, Rex. In fact, you're a better Buzz than I am.
:'''Rex''': But look at my little arms! I can't press the fire button and jump at the same time!
:''[gestures those buttons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you?
:'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere!
:'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes.
:'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. Has anyone found Woody's hat yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy, honey, come on! Five minutes and we're leaving.
:'''Andy''': Five minutes? Hmm...
:''[cut to a setup Andy has made for a quick playtime]''
:'''Andy''': ''[as Bo Peep]'' Help, help, somebody help me! ''[as Woody]'' Let her go, evil Doctor Pork Chop! ''[as Hamm]'' Never! You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark? Or death by monkeys? ''[Andy picks up some of the &quot;monkeys-in-a-barrel&quot;, imitating monkey; as Hamm]'' Choose! ''[as Woody]'' I choose Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy grabs RC's remote, puts Buzz on top and speeds him towards Hamm; as Hamm]'' What? That's not a choice! ''[RC flies through the air and knocks Hamm off the Bucket O' Soldiers; as Buzz]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[Hamm falls off and coins clatter on the floor as Woody]'' I'll save you, Miss Peep! ''[as Bo Peep]'' My hero! ''[he has her kiss him as Woody]'' Thanks, Buzz! ''[as Buzz]'' No problem, buddy! ''[he links their arms]'' You should never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Woody and Buzz Lightyear! ''[Andy pulls too hard and Buzz's arm makes Woody's tear slightly at the shoulder]'' Oh, no!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Andy? Let's go! Molly's already in her car seat!
:'''Andy''': But Mom, Woody's arm ripped!
:'''Andy's Mom''': Oh no! Well maybe we can fix him on the way.
:'''Andy''': Nah, just leave him.
:'''Andy's Mom''': I'm sorry, honey, but you know, toys don't last forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp.]''
:'''Andy''': Yee-haw! Ride 'em, cowboy! Whoo! Yeah, giddy-up! Yeah, giddy-up!
:'''Woody''': He's back? Hey, everybody! Andy's back! ''[to the other toys]'' He's back early from cowboy camp!
:'''Hamm''': Places, everybody! Andy's coming!
:''[The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]''
:'''Andy''': Hey, Woody! Did you miss me? ''[takes Woody and plays with him]'' Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy! ''[notices Woody's broken arm; depressed]'' Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.
:''[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]''
:'''Woody''': No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no! ''[now choking]'' Andy. Andy.
:''[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]''
:'''Andy''': ''[echo]'' Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.
:'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY!
:''[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andy's Mom''': Molly. Don't touch that, please.
:'''Al''': Lady. Lady. Lady.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Yeah. Go home, Mr. Fancy Car.
:''[Al stumbles on a skateboard. Sees at Andy's Mom]''
:'''Buzz''': Hold on.
:'''Hamm''': What's up?
:'''Rex''': What is it, Buzz?
:''[The skateboard toward some boxes]''
:'''Andy's Mom''': Molly. I'll be right here, sweetie. Oh! What now?
:''[She hears a crash noise. Al opens the case and grabs Woody]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': What's happening down there?
:'''Hamm''': What's going on down there?
:'''Slinky''': What's he doing?
:'''Rex''': I can't watch. Can someone cover my eyes?
:'''Buzz''': Oh, no. He's stealing Woody!
:'''Toys''': What?!
:'''Hamm''': Stealing?! Wait!
:'''Rex''': He can't take Woody. It's illegal!
:'''Slinky''': Where's he going?
:'''Rex''': Somebody do something.
:''[Buzz puts Lenny down and runs to the drainpipe to slide down]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Buzz!
:''[Buzz reaches the ground and runs to rescue Woody]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get him, Buzz.
:''[Buzz runs behind the table as a person walks past]''
:'''Person''': Okay, where's the red jacket?
:''[Buzz runs to the mailbox and a car moves from the driveway. He runs to it and tries to the trunk. He opens the lock and turns it to opens the trunk, pops him off and falling on the road. Buzz sees a chicken feathers fly away with the car drives away. He picks up a feather. Andy's toys shock]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Why would someone steal Woody?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after having met the rest of the Roundup gang in Al's apartment]'' Okay, I'm officially freaked out now.
:'''Prospector''': ''[as the Roundup gang walk over to Woody]'' Oh, we've waited countless years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.
:'''Woody''': Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you know my name?
:'''Jessie''': Everyone knows your name, ''Woody''.
:''[Woody pauses for a moment]''
:'''Prospector''': Why you don't know who you are, do you! Bullseye?
:''[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hamm''': All right. Nobody look till I get my cork back in.
:'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go.
:'''Rex''': What?!
:'''Other toys''': 19?!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
:'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
:'''Other toys''': No.
:'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up.
:'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out!
:'''Announcer''': And that concludes our broadcast day.
:''[static]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slinky''': Pardon me, gentlemen, but have either of you seen a cowboy doll with a bad arm?
:'''[[w:Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots|Blue Bomber]]''': ''[politely]'' Why, no. I haven't.
:'''Red Rocker''': ''[yelling]'' Hey, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Blue Bomber''': No, he was talkin' to me!
:'''Red Rocker''': Why, you! I'll...!
:''[they both fight until the red robot's head pops up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz #2''': ''[Rex having pushed the other toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in]'' What was I thinking? My anti-gravity servos
:''[presses the button on his utility belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]''
:'''Buzz #2''': Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.
:''[the other toys all look up at him shocked]''
:'''Slinky''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': What?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He wouldn't!
:'''Buzz #2''': One!
:'''Hamm''': He would.
:'''Buzz #2''': Two!
:'''Other toys''': Don't do it, Buzz!
:'''Buzz #2''': Three!
:''[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]''
:'''Buzz #2''': To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity. ''[turns off belt; gets off the elevator into the vent]'' Area secure.
:''[the other toys moaning]''
:'''Buzz #2''': It's okay, troops, the anti-gravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz #2 uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]''
:'''Buzz #2''': What's happening?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him!
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?!
:'''Buzz #2''': Use your head!
:''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]''
:'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head!
:''[they charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.
:'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY!!
:'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me!
:'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him.
:'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time.
:'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone.
:'''Slinky''': What about Woody?
:'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us.
:'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight.
:'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him.
:''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]''
:'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
:'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot;]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait!
:'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going?
:'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]''
:'''Prospector''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]''
:'''Jessie''': Prospector?!
:'''Woody''': You're outta your box!
:'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[taps his axe onto the remote, turning off the TV]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie!
:'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start by pointing fingers, shall we?
:'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you?
:'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair!
:'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[throws his box back into his display case]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys!
:'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.
:'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[climbs back into his box]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Al has just packed up the Roundup toys, including Woody, into his suitcase to go to Japan]''
:'''Buzz''': Quick, to the elevator!
:''[All run down the vent to the elevator. Al has just pressed the button to send the elevator up]''
:'''Buzz''': Hurry, I can hear it coming.
:''[the toys all come to a halt as the elevator arrives up the shaft. An Emperor Zurg toy that Buzz accidentally set loose from Al's Toy Barn has arrived standing on top]''
:'''Zurg''': So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time.
:'''Other toys''': ''[shocked]'' It's Zurg!
:''[Zurg draws out his blaster, which is really a nerf ball gun]''
:'''Rex''': Watch out. He's got an ion blaster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won!
:'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!
:'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father!
:'''Buzz #2''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The airplane flying, the Pizza Planet truck parks on the white zone]''
:'''Rex''': Guys, we can't park here. It's a white zone.
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
:''[Buzz points at off-screen]''
:'''Buzz''': There he is.
:''[It sees Al, he sees some pet carriers inside the airport which give him an idea. The pet carrier is moving with Buzz's feet walking into the airport]''
:'''Aliens''': You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Will you just leave me alone?
:'''Rex''': Oh, someone's coming!
:'''Girl''': Ooh, a puppy!
:'''Slinky''': Bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Girl screams and runs away]''
:'''Slinky''': Bark, bark-bark-bark-bark-bark.
:''[Buzz thumbs up]''
:'''Al''': ''[to the airport clerk]'' Listen, flyboy. The contents of that case are worth more than you make in a year. You got that, sport?
:'''Clerk''': I understand, sir.
:'''Al''': You be careful. Do you have a ''fragile'' sticker or something?
:'''Clerk''': Don't worry, sir.
:'''Al''': Because I know what goes on back there, I had a box of cookies once that came back as crumbs.
:''[the toys are now in a pet carrier, placed onto the conveyor belt at the airport]''
:'''Alien #1''': The Mystic Portal. Ooh!
:'''Buzz''': Once we go through, we just need to find that case.
:''[they pass through into an area with multiple conveyor belts and multiple suitcases, Mr. Potato Head gasps, as his extra pair of shoes and angry eyes fall out of his compartment; the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the pet carrier they've been in onto the conveyor belt below]''
:'''Slinky''': ''[spotting a green suitcase in the distance in front of them]'' There's the case.
:'''Hamm''': ''[spotting another green suitcase on the conveyor belt below them]'' No, there's the case.
:'''Buzz''': You guys take that one, we'll take this one.
:''[Buzz and Slinky go after the suitcase spotted in the distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Aliens go after the suitcase underneath them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Buzz''': You still worried?
:'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
:'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

== Taglines ==
* The Toys Are Back!
* The Toys Are Back In Town!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Prospector
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Andy's Mom
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie, Barbie on Backpack
* [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice)/Heimlich (outtakes)
* [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Aliens
* [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] as Wheezy (singing voice)
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Jessie (yodeling voice)
* [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]] as Red Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]] as Blue Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot
* Jeff Pidgeon as Mr. Spell
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Rocky Gibraltar
* Debi Derryberry as Amy
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as &quot;Woody's Roundup&quot; Announcer
* Nicolette Little as Little Girl at Yard Sale
* Mickie McGowan as Mom at Yard Sale
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Sign-Off Voice, Airline Rep, and Mr. Konishi
* [[w:Andi Peters|Andi Peters]] as Baggage Handler
* [[w:Dave Foley|Dave Foley]] as Flik (outtakes)

== Outtakes ==
:''[bloopers]''
:'''Flik''': Isn't that exciting, Heimlich? Our first day of shooting.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, yeah, yeah! It's so exciting!
:'''Flik''': You know, I can't believe you talked them into making ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Heimlich''': Oh, oh, yeah, I can hardly believe it also. But there's a little baby tiny thing I forgot to tell you.
:'''Flik''': What's that, Heimlich?
:'''Heimlich''': Well, it's a 2 movie, but it's not ''A Bug's Life 2''.
:'''Flik''': What...? I don't understand. What is it then?
:'''Director''': And... action!
:''[Buzz chops down smash branches and Flik and Heimlich falls]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]''
:'''Woody''': Bullseye, are you with me? ''[Bullseye licks him like a dog]'' Ah! Okay! Good boy. ''[walks toward Prospector's box]'' Prospector, how 'bout you?
:''[turns box around]''
:'''Prospector''': ''[talking to two Barbie dolls]'' And so you two are absolutey identical? ''[laughs softly]'' You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in ''[[Toy Story 3]]''. ''[notices the camera crew filming]'' I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you, ''[pushes box door open]'' yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.
:''[they leave]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>074rukmjv7wxqco4w46g74l47v12zsc</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Home Alone</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146163</id>
      <parentid>3137233</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:13:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>retrim</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5447" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Home Alone (film)|Home Alone]]''''' is a [[w:1990 in film|1990 film]] about a boy named Kevin McCallister ([[w:Macaulay Culkin|Macaulay Culkin]]), who is accidentally left at home for the holidays while the rest of his family goes to Paris. He must then protect his house from two intruders that have gone on a breaking and entering spree through the neighborhood.  
:''Directed by [[w:Chris Columbus (filmmaker)|Chris Columbus]].'' ''Written by [[w:John Hughes|John Hughes]]''.

[[File:Home Alone House.jpg|thumb|&quot;This is my house! I have to defend it!&quot;]]
[[File:Concourse B, Chicago O&amp;#039;Hare airport.jpg|thumb|&quot;There is no way on Earth we're gonna make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes!&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Think positive, Frank!&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;You be positive. I'll be realistic.&quot;]]
[[File:Campbell Thompson.jpg|thumb|&quot;Keep the change, ya filthy animal.&quot;]]

==Kevin McCallister==
* I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult-formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape. ''[applies aftershave; pretends to scream]''
* This is my house! I have to defend it!

==Dialogue==
:'''Kevin''': The third floor?
:'''Kate''': Go.
:'''Kevin''': It's scary up there.
:'''Kate''': Don't be silly. Fuller'll be up in a little while.
:'''Kevin''': I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it!
:'''Kate''': Fine. We'll put him somewhere else.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Everyone in this family hates me.
:'''Kate''': Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
:'''Kevin''': I don't want a new family. I don't want ''any'' family. Families suck!
:'''Kate''': Just stay up there. I don't wanna see you again for the rest of the night.
:'''Kevin''': I don't wanna see you again for the rest of my whole life. I don't wanna see anybody else, either.
:'''Kate''': I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
:'''Kevin''': No, I wouldn't.
:'''Kate''': Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.
:'''Kevin''': I hope that I never see any of you jerks again! ''[runs upstairs in a huff, and Kate closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kevin''': I made my family disappear! ''[has a flashback to what his family told him the night before]''
:'''Megan''': Kevin, you're completely helpless.
:'''Linnie''': You know, Kevin, you're what the French call ''les incompétents.''
:'''Buzz''': Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.
:'''Jeff''': Kevin, you are such a disease!
:'''Kate''': There are 15 people in this house, and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
:'''Frank''': Look what you did, you little jerk!
:'''Kevin''': ''[smiles]'' I made my family disappear.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the McCallisters hurriedly head out of the house for the vans to the airport]''
:'''Frank''': There's no way on Earth we're gonna make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes!
:'''Peter''': Think positive, Frank!
:'''Frank''': You be positive. I'll be realistic.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnny''': Who is it?
:'''Snakes''': It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
:'''Johnny''': Leave it on the doorstep, and get the hell outta here.
:'''Snakes''': All right, Johnny. But what about my money?
:'''Johnny''': What money?
:'''Snakes''': Acey said ya had some dough for me.
:'''Johnny''': Is that a fact? How much do I owe ya?
:'''Snakes''': Acey said 10%.
:'''Johnny''': Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
:'''Snakes''': Whattaya mean?
:'''Johnny''': He's upstairs, takin' a bath. He'll call you when he gets out. Hey! I tell ya what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. ''[pulls out his Tommy Gun]'' I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full o' lead!
:'''Snakes''': ''[about to leave]'' All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm goin'!
:'''Johnny''': 1... 2... 10! ''[opens fire at Snakes and laughs maniacally]'' Keep the change, ya filthy animal.

== Taglines ==
* A Family Comedy Without The Family.
* When Kevin's Family Left For Vacation, They Forgot One Minor Detail: Kevin. But Don't Worry... He Cooks. He Cleans. He Kicks Some Butt.
* This Non-Family Comedy is a Real Scream.

==Cast==
* [[w:Macaulay Culkin|Macaulay Culkin]] - Kevin McCallister
* [[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci]] - Harry Lime
* [[w:Daniel Stern|Daniel Stern]] - Marv Merchants
* [[w:Catherine O'Hara|Catherine O'Hara]] - Kate McCallister
* [[w:John Heard|John Heard]] - Peter McCallister
* [[w:Gerry Bamman|Gerry Bamman]] - Frank McCallister
* [[w:Devin Ratray|Devin Ratray]] - Buzz McCallister
* [[w:Angela Goethals|Angela Goethals]] - Linnie McCallister
* [[w:Hillary Wolf|Hillary Wolf]] - Megan McCallister
* [[w:Michael Maronna|Michael Maronna]] - Jeff McCallister

==See also==
* ''[[Home Alone 2: Lost in New York]]''
* ''[[Home Alone 3]]''
* ''[[Home Alone 4]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0099785|title=Home Alone}}

[[Category:1990 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Christmas films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Hughes (filmmaker)]]
[[Category:Films set in Chicago]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chris Columbus]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>May 2</title>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146217</id>
      <parentid>3105782</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:48:16Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Mcljlm</username>
        <id>564394</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Theodore corrected to Theodor</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17975" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div id=&quot;2&quot; style=&quot;margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color: #CFE5FF; font: bold 14pt sans-serif;&quot;&gt;[[Category:Days]][[w:May 2|May 2]]&lt;/div&gt; &lt;noinclude&gt;'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:&lt;/noinclude&gt;

; 2004
: I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it. ~ [[Harry Emerson Fosdick]]
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2005
: You know more than you think you do. ~ [[Benjamin Spock]] (born 2 May 1903)
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2006
: We are near waking when we dream that we dream. ~ [[Novalis]] (born 2 May 1772)
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2007
: ''Love works magic. &lt;br&gt; It is the final purpose &lt;br&gt; Of the world story, &lt;br&gt; The Amen of the universe.'' &lt;br&gt; ~ [[Novalis]] ~
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2008
: Philosophy can bake no bread; but she can procure for us God, Freedom, Immortality. ~ [[Novalis]]
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- Philosophy can bake no bread; but she can procure for us God, Freedom, Immortality. ~ [[Novalis]] (born 2 May 1772)
* 3 because although a philosophical mind will not create revenue, it will more than create wisdom, which in some cases, is more important to garnering the image of &quot;god&quot;, a sense of &quot;freedom&quot; and remaining in the state of &quot;immortality&quot;, never erased from the history of existence. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:22, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 07:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2009
: We are so bound together that no man can labor for himself alone. Each blow he strikes in his own behalf helps to mold the Universe. ~ [[Jerome K. Jerome]] (born 2 May 1859)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 12:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:21, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2010
: Before abstraction everything is one, but one like chaos; after abstraction everything is united again, but this union is a free binding of autonomous, self-determined beings. Out of a mob a society has developed, chaos has been transformed into a manifold world. ~ [[Novalis]]
:* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- Out of a mob a society has developed, chaos has been transformed into a manifold world. ~ [[Novalis]] (born 2 May 1772)
* 2 because a transformation can be made, even from the state of chaos. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:22, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 07:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 08:02, 28 April 2010 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 16:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC) &lt;/s&gt;but extended to start with &quot;Before abstraction everything is one, but one like chaos; after abstraction everything is united again, but this union is a free binding of autonomous, self-determined beings.&quot; --&gt;

; 2011
: Language is the dynamics of the spiritual realm. One word of command moves armies; the word ''Liberty'' entire nations. ~ [[Novalis]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 21:27, 28 April 2011 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 16:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2012
: True [[anarchy]] is the generative element of [[religion]]. Out of the annihilation of every positive element she lifts her [[Glory|gloriously]] radiant countenance as the founder of a new [[world]]… ~ [[Novalis]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 14:44, 30 April 2012 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 16:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2013 :
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Moral]] [[Action]] is that [[great]] and only Experiment, in which all [[Mystery|riddles]] of the most manifold [[appearances]] explain themselves. Whoso [[understands]] it, and in rigid sequence of [[Thought]] can lay it open, is [[forever]] master of [[Nature]].
| author = Novalis
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 08:21, 28 April 2013 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 16:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 --&gt;

; 2014
 {{quote of the day
| quote = [[Friends]], the soil is poor, we must sow seeds in plenty for us to garner even modest [[harvests]].
| author = Novalis
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 2 because it is best to be prepared so that when a disappointment comes along, it will not overwhelm one to an unparalleled extent. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:22, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 07:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:31, 30 April 2014 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 16:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2015
{{quote of the day
| quote = In the [[beginning]] was [[Logos|the Word]], and the [[Word]] was with [[God]], and [[Unity|the Word was God]]. [[Monism|The same]] was in the beginning with God. [[All]] things were made by him; and without him was [[Nothing|not any thing]] made that was made. In him was [[life]]; and the life was the [[light]] [[Humanity|of men]]. And the light shineth in [[darkness]]; and the darkness comprehended it not.
| author = ''[[Gospel of John]]'' ~&lt;br /&gt;&lt;small&gt;as translated in the&lt;/small&gt;&lt;br /&gt;~ [[King James Version]]
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:22, 1 May 2015 (UTC) --&gt; — a passage from the [[King James Version]] of the Christian Bible, the 2nd of May being selected by the 400th anniversary committee as the official anniversary day of celebration in 2011, though the exact date of publication in 1611 is unknown.

2016
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; No [[explanation]] is [[required]] for [[Holy]] [[Writing]]. Whoso speaks [[truly]] is full of [[eternal]] [[life]], and [[wonderfully]] related to genuine [[mysteries]] does his Writing [[appear]] to us, for it is a [[Concord]] from the [[Symphony]] of the [[Universe]].
| author = Novalis
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:44, 1 May 2016 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 1 May 2016 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2017
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Every stage of [[education]] begins with [[childhood]]. That is why the most educated person on [[earth]] so much resembles a child.
| author = Novalis
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:55, 1 May 2017 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 1 May 2016 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2018
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; The [[Art]] of a well-developed [[genius]] is far different from the Artfulness of the [[Understanding]], of the merely [[reasoning]] [[mind]]. [[Shakspeare]] was no calculator, no learned thinker; he was a mighty, many-gifted [[soul]], whose [[feelings]] and [[works]], like products of [[Nature]], bear the stamp of the same [[spirit]]; and in which the last and deepest of observers will still find new [[harmonies]] with the [[infinite]] structure of the [[Universe]]; concurrences with later [[ideas]], affinities with the higher [[powers]] and [[senses]] of [[Humanity|man]]. They are emblematic, have many [[meanings]], are [[simple]] and inexhaustible, like products of Nature; and nothing more unsuitable could be said of them than that they are works of Art, in that narrow [[mechanical]] acceptation of the [[word]].
| author = Novalis
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:52, 1 May 2018 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2019
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; There is but one [[Temple]] in the [[World]]; and that is the [[Body]] of [[Humanity|Man]]. Nothing is [[holier]] than this high form. Bending before men is a [[reverence]] done to this [[Revelation]] in the [[Flesh]]. We [[touch]] [[Heaven]], when we lay our [[hand]] on a [[human]] body.
| author = Novalis
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:44, 2 May 2019 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:52, 1 May 2018 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2020
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Realists are, as a rule, only men in the rut of [[routine]] who are [[incapable]] of [[transcending]] a narrow circle of antiquated [[notions]]. But their adverse [[opinion]] does carry some weight and can do great [[harm]] to a new project — at least until the innovation is strong enough to push the &quot;realists&quot; and their moldy notions aside.
| author = Theodor Herzl
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- Realists are, as a rule, only men in the rut of routine who are incapable of transcending a narrow circle of antiquated notions. ~ [[Theodor Herzl]] (born May 2, 1860)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 07:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
* 2 because being a realist is fine, but exceeding to an extent of not seeing anything else, to a degree of narrowness isn't warranted. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:37, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 20:53, 1 May 2020 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 16:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; though I believe his comments refer to those who are normally ''called'' &quot;realists&quot; because they focus upon the physical processes or what are normally called practical affairs, but he also gives some hints of the &quot;idealism&quot; which must be included within the scope of a higher &quot;realism.&quot;
:: But am extending this for context to read:
::: Realists are, as a rule, only men in the rut of routine who are incapable of transcending a narrow circle of antiquated notions. But their adverse opinion does carry some weight and can do great harm to a new project — at least until the innovation is strong enough to push the &quot;realists&quot; and their moldy notions aside.
*2.5 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:21, 1 May 2009 (UTC) Vernacular and technical meanings of &quot;realism&quot; vary widely, and vary over time. I suspect his meaning could have been translated with greater precision were simplicity of expression sacrificed. --&gt;

; 2021
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Philosophy]] is properly Home-sickness; the [[wish]] to be everywhere at [[home]].
| author = Novalis
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:44, 2 May 2021 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 1 May 2016 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2022
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[United States Congress|Our delegation]] traveled to Kyiv to send an unmistakable and resounding [[message]] to the entire [[world]]: [[America]] stands firmly with [[Ukraine]].
| author = Nancy Pelosi
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:11, 1 May 2022 (UTC) --&gt;; recent remarks regarding the [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine]].

; 2023 : ''[[May 2|Rank or add further suggestions…]]''
----
&lt;noinclude&gt;
{{QOTD Ranking}}
----
----
== Suggestions ==

In automobile terms, the child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering. ~ [[Benjamin Spock]] (born 2 May 1903)
* 3 because all children need some form of guidance. Tarzan and Mowgli have nice stories but they aren't the best characteristic transformations to be had. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:22, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 07:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 12:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
----

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen. ~ [[Jerome K. Jerome]] (born May 2, 1859)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 07:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:37, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 16:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:21, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

----

{{quote of the day
| quote = Fate and temperament are the names of a concept.
| author = Novalis
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 1 May 2016 (UTC)

----

{{quote of the day
| quote = Where children are, there is a golden age.
| author = Novalis
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 1 May 2016 (UTC)

----
{{quote of the day
| quote = Every beloved object is the center point of a paradise.
| author = Novalis
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 1 May 2016 (UTC)

----

{{quote of the day
| quote = The true philosophical Act is annihilation of self (Selbsttodtung); this is the real beginning of all Philosophy; all requisites for being a Disciple of Philosophy point hither. This Act alone corresponds to all the conditions and characteristics of transcendental conduct.
| author = Novalis
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 1 May 2016 (UTC)

----

&lt;!-- interwiki start --&gt;

&lt;!-- interwiki end --&gt;
&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
      <sha1>sn6cagxra3wvlh5cnkbi0v152ic5f2q</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>July 23</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>26995</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146114</id>
      <parentid>2985352</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T23:57:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>add 1</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17964" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div id=&quot;23&quot; style=&quot;margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color: #CFE5FF; font: bold 14pt sans-serif;&quot;&gt;[[Category:Days]][[w:July 23|July 23]]&lt;/div&gt; &lt;noinclude&gt;'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:&lt;/noinclude&gt;

;2003
: I am reminded of the professor who, in his declining hours, was asked by his devoted pupils for his final counsel. He replied, 'Verify your quotations.' ~ [[Winston Churchill]]
:* selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]]

;2004
: I'll tell you this — No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn. ~ [[Jim Morrison]]
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2005
: The private detective of fiction is a fantastic creation who acts and speaks like a real man. He can be completely realistic in every sense but one, that one sense being that in life as we know it such a man would not be a private detective. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
:* proposed by [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]]

;2006
: Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. The detective must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor. He talks as the man of his age talks, that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC) This is one of the few quotes that were accidentally used twice as quote of the day, because of failure to double-check; it had been used on 16 March 2006, where it had been proposed by IP 220.233.188.149, with no clear correlation to the date. --&gt;

; 2007
: Our system presumes that there are certain principles that are more important than the temper of the times. ~ [[Anthony Kennedy]] (born 23 July 1936)
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:58, 22 July 2007 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2008
: Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most, that has made it possible for evil to triumph. ~ [[Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia]] (born 23 July 1892)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 05:56, 22 July 2008 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:35, 23 July 2007 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2009
: The preservation of peace and the guaranteeing of man's basic freedoms and rights require courage and eternal vigilance: courage to speak and act — and if necessary, to suffer and die — for truth and justice; eternal vigilance, that the least transgression of international morality shall not go undetected and unremedied. These lessons must be learned anew by each succeeding generation, and that generation is fortunate indeed which learns from other than its own bitter experience. ~ [[Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:42, 14 July 2009 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:35, 23 July 2007 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2010
: There are two kinds of truth: the truth that lights the way and the truth that warms the heart. The first of these is science, and the second is art. Neither is independent of the other or more important than the other. Without art science would be as useless as a pair of high forceps in the hands of a plumber. Without science art would become a crude mess of folklore and emotional quackery. The truth of art keeps science from becoming inhuman, and the truth of science keeps art from becoming ridiculous. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
:* last sentence proposed by [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]]; extension suggested and used by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- The truth of art keeps science from becoming inhuman, and the truth of science keeps art from becoming ridiculous. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
* 3.5 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 00:25, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:13, 19 July 2010 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:29, 22 July 2009 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; but would extend this to :
:: There are two kinds of truth: the truth that lights the way and the truth that warms the heart. The first of these is science, and the second is art. Neither is independent of the other or more important than the other. Without art science would be as useless as a pair of high forceps in the hands of a plumber. Without science art would become a crude mess of folklore and emotional quackery. The truth of art keeps science from becoming inhuman, and the truth of science keeps art from becoming ridiculous.
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2011
: The First Amendment is often inconvenient. But that is beside the point. Inconvenience does not absolve the government of its obligation to tolerate speech. ~ [[Anthony Kennedy]]
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 04:09, 19 July 2011 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:58, 22 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2012
: {{quote of the day
| quote = A [[good]] story cannot be [[invention|devised]]; it has to be [[w:Distillation|distilled]].
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 20:58, 6 July 2012 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2013
{{quote of the day
| quote = The dilemma of the [[critic]] has always been that if he knows enough to [[speak]] with [[authority]], he knows too much to speak with detachment.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2014
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Leadership]] does not mean domination. The [[world]] is always well supplied with [[people]] who [[wish]] to [[rule]] and dominate others. &lt;br /&gt; The [[true]] leader is a different sort; he seeks effective [[activity]] which has a truly [[beneficient]] [[purpose]]. He [[inspires]] others to follow in his wake, and holding aloft the torch of [[wisdom]], leads the way for [[society]] to realize its genuinely [[great]] [[aspirations]].
| author = Haile Selassie
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 16:31, 21 July 2014 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2015
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Everything]] written with [[vitality]] expresses that vitality: there are no dull subjects, only dull [[minds]]. All men who read escape from something else into what lies behind the printed page; the [[quality]] of the [[dream]] may be argued, but its release has become a functional [[necessity]]. All men must escape at [[times]] from the [[deadly]] rhythm of their private thoughts. It is part of the process of life among [[thinking]] beings.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- {{quote of the day
| quote = Everything written with vitality expresses that vitality: there are no dull subjects, only dull minds.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:58, 22 July 2015 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2016
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; We must never lose [[sight]] of the [[fact]] that the [[law]] has a [[moral]] foundation, and we must never [[fail]] to ask ourselves not only what the law is, but what the law should be.
| author = Anthony Kennedy
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:50, 23 July 2016 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:58, 22 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2017
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; The [[law]] isn’t [[justice]]. It’s a very imperfect [[mechanism]]. If you press exactly the right buttons and are also [[lucky]], justice may show up in the answer. A mechanism is all the law was ever intended to be.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 11:08, 22 July 2017 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2018
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; The [[perfect]] detective [[story]] cannot be [[written]]. The type of [[mind]] which can evolve the perfect [[problem]] is not the type of mind that can produce the [[artistic]] [[job]] of writing.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:59, 22 July 2018 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2019
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[w:Charter of the United Nations|The Charter]] of the [[United Nations]] expresses the [[noblest]] aspirations of [[Humanity|man]]: abjugation of [[force]] in the settlement of disputes between [[states]]; the assurance of [[human rights]] and fundamental [[freedoms]] for all without distinction as to [[race]], [[sex]], [[language]] or [[religion]]; the safeguarding of international [[peace]] and [[security]]. &lt;br /&gt; But these, too, as were the phrases of [[w:Covenant of the League of Nations|the Covenant]], are only [[words]]; their [[value]] depends wholly on our [[will]] to observe and [[honour]] them and give them content and [[meaning]]. The preservation of peace and the guaranteeing of man's basic freedoms and rights require [[courage]] and [[eternal]] vigilance: courage to [[speak]] and [[Action|act]] — and if [[necessary]], to [[suffer]] and [[die]] — for [[truth]] and [[justice]]; eternal vigilance, that the least transgression of international [[morality]] shall not go undetected and unremedied. &lt;br /&gt; These lessons must be [[learned]] anew by each succeeding [[generation]], and that generation is [[fortunate]] indeed which learns from other than its own bitter [[experience]].
| author = Haile Selassie
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:23, 22 July 2019 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2020
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; There are no [[vital]] and [[significant]] forms of [[art]]; there is only art, and precious little of that.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2021
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; I am a [[writer]], and there comes a [[time]] when that which I write has to belong to me, has to be written [[alone]] and in [[silence]], with no one looking over my shoulder, no one telling me a better way to write it. It doesn't have to be [[great]] writing, it doesn't even have to be terribly [[good]]. It just has to be mine.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:13, 23 July 2021 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 2.5 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2022 : ''[[July 23|Rank or add further suggestions…]]''
----
&lt;noinclude&gt;
Ranking system:
:4 : '''Excellent''' - should definitely be used.
:3 : '''Very Good''' - strong desire to see it used.
:2 : '''Good''' - some desire to see it used.
:1 : '''Acceptable''' - but with no particular desire to see it used.
:0 : '''Not acceptable''' - not appropriate for use as a quote of the day.
----
----
== Suggestions ==

I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn't need a gun, you'd better take one along that worked. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 3 because trust is fine, but sometimes it is better to be prepared. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

The solution, once revealed, must seem to have been inevitable. At least half of all the mystery novels published violate this law. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss-waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will remain split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of barroom vernacular, this is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed and attentive. The method may not be perfect, but it is all I have. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- There was no evidence of fraud or irregularities sufficient to change the election outcome. Our courts had ruled. It was over. Now we know that it didn’t matter what any of us said because  --&gt;Donald Trump wasn’t looking for the right answer legally or the right answer factually. He was looking for a way to remain in office. …&lt;!-- Let’s put that aside for a moment and focus just on what we saw today. --&gt; In our hearing tonight, you saw an American president faced with a stark, unmistakable choice between right and wrong. There was no ambiguity, no nuance. Donald Trump made a purposeful choice to violate his oath of office, to ignore the ongoing violence against law enforcement, to threaten our Constitutional order. There is no way to excuse that behavior. It was indefensible. &lt;br /&gt; And every American must consider this: Can a president who is willing to make the choices Donald Trump made during the violence of January 6th ever be trusted with any position of authority in our great nation again?
| author = Liz Cheney
}}
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:57, 22 July 2022 (UTC); recent remarks on the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]].

----

&lt;!-- interwiki start --&gt;

&lt;!-- interwiki end --&gt;
&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
      <sha1>1mmbnsiqv3y0w6hgghipr0ukgo9u5cr</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146119</id>
      <parentid>3146114</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:20:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>update</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="18178" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div id=&quot;23&quot; style=&quot;margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color: #CFE5FF; font: bold 14pt sans-serif;&quot;&gt;[[Category:Days]][[w:July 23|July 23]]&lt;/div&gt; &lt;noinclude&gt;'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:&lt;/noinclude&gt;

;2003
: I am reminded of the professor who, in his declining hours, was asked by his devoted pupils for his final counsel. He replied, 'Verify your quotations.' ~ [[Winston Churchill]]
:* selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]]

;2004
: I'll tell you this — No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn. ~ [[Jim Morrison]]
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2005
: The private detective of fiction is a fantastic creation who acts and speaks like a real man. He can be completely realistic in every sense but one, that one sense being that in life as we know it such a man would not be a private detective. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
:* proposed by [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]]

;2006
: Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. The detective must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor. He talks as the man of his age talks, that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC) This is one of the few quotes that were accidentally used twice as quote of the day, because of failure to double-check; it had been used on 16 March 2006, where it had been proposed by IP 220.233.188.149, with no clear correlation to the date. --&gt;

; 2007
: Our system presumes that there are certain principles that are more important than the temper of the times. ~ [[Anthony Kennedy]] (born 23 July 1936)
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:58, 22 July 2007 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2008
: Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most, that has made it possible for evil to triumph. ~ [[Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia]] (born 23 July 1892)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 05:56, 22 July 2008 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:35, 23 July 2007 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2009
: The preservation of peace and the guaranteeing of man's basic freedoms and rights require courage and eternal vigilance: courage to speak and act — and if necessary, to suffer and die — for truth and justice; eternal vigilance, that the least transgression of international morality shall not go undetected and unremedied. These lessons must be learned anew by each succeeding generation, and that generation is fortunate indeed which learns from other than its own bitter experience. ~ [[Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:42, 14 July 2009 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:35, 23 July 2007 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2010
: There are two kinds of truth: the truth that lights the way and the truth that warms the heart. The first of these is science, and the second is art. Neither is independent of the other or more important than the other. Without art science would be as useless as a pair of high forceps in the hands of a plumber. Without science art would become a crude mess of folklore and emotional quackery. The truth of art keeps science from becoming inhuman, and the truth of science keeps art from becoming ridiculous. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
:* last sentence proposed by [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]]; extension suggested and used by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- The truth of art keeps science from becoming inhuman, and the truth of science keeps art from becoming ridiculous. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
* 3.5 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 00:25, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:13, 19 July 2010 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:29, 22 July 2009 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; but would extend this to :
:: There are two kinds of truth: the truth that lights the way and the truth that warms the heart. The first of these is science, and the second is art. Neither is independent of the other or more important than the other. Without art science would be as useless as a pair of high forceps in the hands of a plumber. Without science art would become a crude mess of folklore and emotional quackery. The truth of art keeps science from becoming inhuman, and the truth of science keeps art from becoming ridiculous.
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2011
: The First Amendment is often inconvenient. But that is beside the point. Inconvenience does not absolve the government of its obligation to tolerate speech. ~ [[Anthony Kennedy]]
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 04:09, 19 July 2011 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:58, 22 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2012
: {{quote of the day
| quote = A [[good]] story cannot be [[invention|devised]]; it has to be [[w:Distillation|distilled]].
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 20:58, 6 July 2012 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2013
{{quote of the day
| quote = The dilemma of the [[critic]] has always been that if he knows enough to [[speak]] with [[authority]], he knows too much to speak with detachment.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2014
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Leadership]] does not mean domination. The [[world]] is always well supplied with [[people]] who [[wish]] to [[rule]] and dominate others. &lt;br /&gt; The [[true]] leader is a different sort; he seeks effective [[activity]] which has a truly [[beneficient]] [[purpose]]. He [[inspires]] others to follow in his wake, and holding aloft the torch of [[wisdom]], leads the way for [[society]] to realize its genuinely [[great]] [[aspirations]].
| author = Haile Selassie
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 16:31, 21 July 2014 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2015
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Everything]] written with [[vitality]] expresses that vitality: there are no dull subjects, only dull [[minds]]. All men who read escape from something else into what lies behind the printed page; the [[quality]] of the [[dream]] may be argued, but its release has become a functional [[necessity]]. All men must escape at [[times]] from the [[deadly]] rhythm of their private thoughts. It is part of the process of life among [[thinking]] beings.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- {{quote of the day
| quote = Everything written with vitality expresses that vitality: there are no dull subjects, only dull minds.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:58, 22 July 2015 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2016
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; We must never lose [[sight]] of the [[fact]] that the [[law]] has a [[moral]] foundation, and we must never [[fail]] to ask ourselves not only what the law is, but what the law should be.
| author = Anthony Kennedy
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:50, 23 July 2016 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:58, 22 July 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2017
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; The [[law]] isn’t [[justice]]. It’s a very imperfect [[mechanism]]. If you press exactly the right buttons and are also [[lucky]], justice may show up in the answer. A mechanism is all the law was ever intended to be.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 11:08, 22 July 2017 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2018
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; The [[perfect]] detective [[story]] cannot be [[written]]. The type of [[mind]] which can evolve the perfect [[problem]] is not the type of mind that can produce the [[artistic]] [[job]] of writing.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:59, 22 July 2018 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2019
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[w:Charter of the United Nations|The Charter]] of the [[United Nations]] expresses the [[noblest]] aspirations of [[Humanity|man]]: abjugation of [[force]] in the settlement of disputes between [[states]]; the assurance of [[human rights]] and fundamental [[freedoms]] for all without distinction as to [[race]], [[sex]], [[language]] or [[religion]]; the safeguarding of international [[peace]] and [[security]]. &lt;br /&gt; But these, too, as were the phrases of [[w:Covenant of the League of Nations|the Covenant]], are only [[words]]; their [[value]] depends wholly on our [[will]] to observe and [[honour]] them and give them content and [[meaning]]. The preservation of peace and the guaranteeing of man's basic freedoms and rights require [[courage]] and [[eternal]] vigilance: courage to [[speak]] and [[Action|act]] — and if [[necessary]], to [[suffer]] and [[die]] — for [[truth]] and [[justice]]; eternal vigilance, that the least transgression of international [[morality]] shall not go undetected and unremedied. &lt;br /&gt; These lessons must be [[learned]] anew by each succeeding [[generation]], and that generation is [[fortunate]] indeed which learns from other than its own bitter [[experience]].
| author = Haile Selassie
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:23, 22 July 2019 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2020
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; There are no [[vital]] and [[significant]] forms of [[art]]; there is only art, and precious little of that.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2021
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; I am a [[writer]], and there comes a [[time]] when that which I write has to belong to me, has to be written [[alone]] and in [[silence]], with no one looking over my shoulder, no one telling me a better way to write it. It doesn't have to be [[great]] writing, it doesn't even have to be terribly [[good]]. It just has to be mine.
| author = Raymond Chandler
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:13, 23 July 2021 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 2.5 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2022
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; &lt;!-- There was no evidence of fraud or irregularities sufficient to change the election outcome. Our courts had ruled. It was over. Now we know that it didn’t matter what any of us said because  --&gt;[[Donald Trump]] wasn’t looking for the right answer [[legally]] or the right answer [[factually]]. He was looking for a way to remain in office. …&lt;!-- Let’s put that aside for a moment and focus just on what we saw today. --&gt; In our hearing tonight, you saw an [[President of the United States|American president]] faced with a stark, unmistakable [[choice]] between right and wrong. There was no [[ambiguity]], no nuance. Donald Trump made a [[purposeful]] choice to violate his [[oath]] of office, to ignore the ongoing [[violence]] against law enforcement, to threaten [[United States Constitution|our Constitutional]] [[order]]. There is no way to excuse that behavior. It was indefensible. &lt;br /&gt; And every American must consider this: Can a president who is willing to make the choices Donald Trump made during [[2021 United States Capitol attack|the violence of January 6th]] ever be [[trusted]] with any position of [[authority]] in our great nation again?
| author = Liz Cheney
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:57, 22 July 2022 (UTC) --&gt;; recent remarks on the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]].

; 2023 : ''[[July 23|Rank or add further suggestions…]]''
----
&lt;noinclude&gt;
Ranking system:
:4 : '''Excellent''' - should definitely be used.
:3 : '''Very Good''' - strong desire to see it used.
:2 : '''Good''' - some desire to see it used.
:1 : '''Acceptable''' - but with no particular desire to see it used.
:0 : '''Not acceptable''' - not appropriate for use as a quote of the day.
----
----
== Suggestions ==

I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn't need a gun, you'd better take one along that worked. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 3 because trust is fine, but sometimes it is better to be prepared. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]] (born 23 July 1888)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 21:53, 22 July 2005 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 08:19, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:36, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
* 1 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

The solution, once revealed, must seem to have been inevitable. At least half of all the mystery novels published violate this law. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss-waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will remain split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of barroom vernacular, this is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed and attentive. The method may not be perfect, but it is all I have. ~ [[Raymond Chandler]]
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:59, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
* 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 13:38, 14 July 2013 (UTC)

----

&lt;!-- interwiki start --&gt;

&lt;!-- interwiki end --&gt;
&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Shark Tale</title>
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'''''[[w:Shark Tale|Shark Tale]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004]] [[w:computer animation|computer animated film]] produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]]. It stars the voices of [[Will Smith]], [[Angelina Jolie]], [[w:Renée Zellweger|Renée Zellweger]], [[Jack Black]], [[Martin Scorsese]], and [[Robert De Niro]].
:''Directed by Bibo Bergenson, [[Vicky Jenson]] and Rob Letterman. Written by Michael J. Wilson and Rob Letterman.''
{{center|'''Behind every little fish is a great white lie.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}

==Oscar==
* Hi, I'm Oscar. You might think you know, but you have no idea. ''[rap music]'' Welcome to my crib. The good life, the way the other half lives. Check it out, I got my 60&quot; inch high def, flatscreen TV with 6-speaker surround, CD, DVD, Playstation hookup and an 8-track player for days when you're feeling just a little... [beatbox] old school. [laughs] 'Cause even a superstar Mack daddy fish like me has to have the basic necessities.
* [[w:Gladiator (film)|ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!]] [[w:A Few Good Men (film)|YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!]] [[w:Jerry Maguire|You had me at hello.]]

==Dialogue==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Lenny''': ''[to a little worm]'' Hi. I'm Lenny. ''[the worm faints]'' Oh, little buddy, did I scare you? I'm sorry. Wake up. Wake up. OK, don't worry about it, I'm gonna get you out in a jiffy. You just keep holding your breath, little wormy.
:'''Frankie''': Hey, Lenny!
:'''Lenny''': Oh! I'm coming, Frankie!
:'''Frankie''': Move it. Come on. Pop's waiting.
:'''Lenny''': Here we go. Gotcha! OK, buddy, you're free. Now escape. Just go. Cry freedom. ''[shrieks]'' Oh. You almost gave me a heart attack.
:'''Frankie''': Lenny, what are you doing?
:'''Lenny''': Well, I was just... picking you some flowers. ''[Frankie slaps the flowers out of Lenny's fins]'' Hey, Mom says it's not OK to hit.
:'''Frankie''': ''[slaps Lenny]'' Mom's not here. ''[hums the ''Jaws'' theme]''
:'''Lenny''': Don't. Don't. ''[groans]'' That song gives me the creeps.
:'''Frankie''': What do you mean? It's our theme song.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Don Lino''': What do you mean you don't understand? What's there to understand. We've been over this 1,000 times. I don't want to have to say it again. You know, you're really giving me agita, you know that. I don't know what else to say this. Lenny, you see something, you kill it, you eat it. Period. Thanks. That's what sharks do. That's a fine tradition. What's the matter with you? Your brother, Frankie, here, he's a killer.
:'''Frankie''': Thanks, Pop.
:'''Don Lino''': He's beautiful. He does what he's supposed to do. Wipe your face, but you... I'm hearin' things. You gotta understand when you look weak, it makes me look weak.
:'''Lenny''': I know. 
:'''Don Lino''': I can't have that. 
:'''Lenny''': Pop, I'm sorry.
:'''Don Lino''': Lenny. Lenny. Look at me. Look at me. This handin' over the business is for both of us and you're acting like you don't even want it. I need to know you can handle that. ''[sighs] [splutters]'' Alright, alright. Right here in front of me now, eat this.
:'''Lenny''': ''[whimpers]'' Gee, thanks, Pop. Here's the thing. I'm on a diet. And I read an article about these shrimps, they're not good for ya. I tell you. You know how many calories are in one of those shrimps? A lot.
:'''Shrimp''': It's true. It's true and the other thing is, my sister had a baby and I took it over because she passed away, and then the baby lost its legs, and its arms and he's nothing but a stump, but I still take care of it with my wife and it's growing and it's fairly happy, but it's difficult 'cause I've been working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table, but all the love and I see that little guy's face makes worth it in the end. True story.
:'''Don Lino''': ''[sighs]'' I'm not askin' you anymore. I'm tellin' you. Eat it!
:'''Shrimp''': No, have mercy!
:'''Lenny''': Pop, please...
:'''Don Lino''': Eat!
:'''Shrimp''': No eat!
:'''Don Lino''': Son, eat the shrimp! Please!
:'''Lenny''': No, please.
:'''Don Lino''': Lenny! Eat, eat, eat!
:'''Lenny''': PUT THE SHRIMP DOWN! ''[grabs the shrimp and lets it go.]'' Go now. No one's looking. Get out of here. You're free now, go on. Go. Go.
:'''Shrimp''': You're a good person. ''[glares at Lino, then gestures to some other shrimp]'' Come on, fellas.
:'''Frankie''': Pop, I can handle the reef. It's not a problem.
:'''Don Lino''': No. No. We're gonna do this as a family. Frankie, I want you to take Lenny out, and show him the ropes.
:'''Frankie''': Oh, come on, Pop.
:'''Don Lino''': Son, you're gonna learn how to be a shark. Whether you like it or not.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Blue Shrimp''': Yup. It's fake.
:'''Clam''': Fake? I worked eight years on that!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Oscar''': Hey, Crazy Joe!
:'''Crazy Joe''': Now you live in a great penthouse, can I be your financial advisor?
:'''Oscar''': That's a billboard, Crazy Joe.
:'''Crazy Joe''': You live in a billboard? And they call ''me'' crazy!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Don Lino''': I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what?
:'''Sykes''': What?
:'''Don Lino''': What &quot;what&quot;?
:'''Sykes''': &quot;What, what&quot; nothin'. You said &quot;what&quot; first.
:'''Don Lino''': I didn't say what first. I asked ''you'' what.
:'''Sykes''': No, you said &quot;And then what?&quot;, and I said &quot;What?&quot;
:'''Don Lino''': ''[confused]'' No, I said &quot;what what&quot;, like what, what?
:'''Sykes''': You said &quot;what&quot; first.
:'''Don Lino''': ''[annoyed]'' Now you're making fun of me?
:'''Sykes''': ''[hastily]'' No, no, no, no, you misunderstood!
:'''Frankie''': Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born.
:'''Lenny''': ''[sarcastic laughter]'' You're a comic genius.
:'''Sykes''': Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer.
:'''Don Lino''': My Lenny ''is'' a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him!
:''[Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head.]''
:'''Sykes''': Huh?
:'''Don Lino''': ''[frustrated]'' That's it! That's IT! You are OUT!
:'''Sykes''': ''[shocked]'' What?! ''[inflates; high-pitched]'' Whaddya mean I'm &quot;out&quot;?!
:'''Don Lino''': You're fired! ''[shoves Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room]'' And on top of that, you're gonna have to start payin' me!
:'''Sykes''': For what?
:'''Don Lino''': So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sykes''': All right. 'Cause I like you, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to pay up.
:'''Oscar''': All of it? How am I supposed to do that?
:'''Sykes''': That's your problem. Bring me 5,000 clams to the track tomorrow, or else.
:'''Oscar''': Or else what?
:'''Sykes''': The boys will explain.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Oscar''': ''He was the #1 tongue scrubber. Every year for 25 years. To me, working at the Wash, was the coolest job in the ocean. But then I learned something I will never forget.''
:'''Male Fish Student''': Oscar's dad's a tongue scrubber! 
:'''Fish Students''': Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ernie and Bernie''': ''[sing] [[Bob Marley|Don't worry&lt;br /&gt;About a thing&lt;br /&gt;'Cause every little thing&lt;br /&gt;Is gonna be all right.]]''
:'''Ernie''': This is how you sing it, Oscar.
:'''Bernie''': Yeah.
:'''Ernie''': Sykes, he like you, mon.
:'''Bernie''': Him say take it easy on you.
:'''Ernie''': But Sykes is not here. ''[laughs]''
:'''Bernie''': True.
:'''Bernie''': Ernie, let me ask you a question.
:'''Ernie''': Yeah, mon? Go on.
:'''Bernie''': Why is it that me locks can sting other people, but they have no effect on me or you? ''[zaps Ernie, who screams]'' Ernie. I didn't mean it, Ernie. I didn't mean it, man. Ernie. ''[Ernie laughs]'' Ernie, you made a joke. Good one, man. Respect.
:'''Ernie''': Respect.
:'''Bernie''': Bloodfire.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lenny''': Frankie!
:'''Frankie''': Lenny... ''[coughs]'' Lenny, is that you?
:'''Lenny''': I'm here, Frankie.
:'''Frankie''': Come closer.
:'''Lenny''': Yes, what is it?
:'''Frankie''': I'm so cold.
:'''Lenny''': That's just because we're cold-blooded. ''[Frankie slaps his brother]'' OW!
:'''Frankie''': ''[last words]'' Moron. ''[dies]''
:'''Lenny''': Frankie, no. No! ''[sobs]'' This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Frankie! How am I going to explain this to Pop? Oh, no! ''[swims away and passes Oscar, who squeaks and lands in front of the now-deceased Frankie.]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Oscar''': ''[finds Frankie dead behind him, thinks he's alive, and starts yelling crazily]'' Watch it! Back up! I'm crazy! I be trippin'! ''[makes karate moves and noises until he accidentally kicks Bernie]''
:'''Bernie''': Ow! What the…?
:''[Oscar, Ernie, and Bernie all scream simultaneously; Oscar hides behind Frankie]''
:'''Bernie''': Don't hurt us! We're sorry! It was all Ernie's idea! ''[Ernie nods, then looks at Bernie angrily]'' 
:'''Ernie''': Oscar?
:'''Bernie''': Did you kill that shark?
:'''Oscar''': ''[looks down at Frankie before having an idea]'' Uh, yeah. Exactly how it looks; that's how it is.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Oscar is pretending to battle Lenny in front of the fish city.]''
:'''Oscar''': Do you hear them, Lenny?! They are going crazy, man! They love us!
:'''Lenny''': They love ''you''. They hate ''me''!
:'''Oscar''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Lenny''': Can we switch sides? Maybe I can be the Fishslayer! They'll never see it coming!
:'''Oscar''': Come on, man! Look. You sell this, you'll never have to go home again! You could start a new life! ''[Lenny nods his head understandingly]'' Now gimme a growl!
:'''Lenny''': Okay. ''[purrs; he then clears his throat and roars loudly in Oscar's face]'' Like that?
:'''Oscar''': That was... pretty good!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lenny''': ''[sighs]'' You're right. I'm sorry. I haven't been myself since the... the, uh... Don't cry. ''[cries in anguish]''
:'''Oscar''': No, no, it's not all that. Just relax.
:'''Lenny''': It's my fault... kinda... not really... but still. My brother...
:'''Oscar''': You just need a little time, man. Look, thi... things'll work out.
:'''Lenny''': You think?
:'''Oscar''': Yeah. So, look, I'm gonna take off... And you should just go home, Okay?
:'''Lenny''': Okay.
:'''Oscar''': Hey, good luck, dawg.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bernie''': Oh, man. I told you.
:'''Ernie''': I'm doing it.
:'''Bernie''': X, circle, X X, double left square, right trigger, down, square, square.
:'''Ernie''': Double square. Respect.
:'''Bernie''': Respect.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Oscar finds out from Luca that Don Lino had captured Angie in order to force a sit-down]''
:'''Oscar''': They got Angie. And they want a sit-down. I never meant for anybody to get hurt, especially not Angie. This is all my fault.
:'''Sykes''': That's a classic move. I've seen it a thousand times.
:'''Lenny''': They take the thing you love the most, and then they use it against you.
:'''Oscar''': ''[after a moment of silence]'' Look, we gotta go to that sit-down, and we gotta save her.
:'''Lenny''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I wanna save Angie, too. But I can't just waltz in there and say, &quot;Hi, Pop, I'm a dolphin!&quot;
:'''Sykes''': Lenny?
:'''Lenny''': &quot;And my friend the Sharkslayer here's a fake!&quot;
:'''Sykes''': Fake?
:'''Lenny''': Come on, we're gonna need a better plan than that!
:'''Sykes''': ''[laughs]'' This is a joke, right? This is a joke. Because you know, I told Lino... ''[suddenly flashes back to his phone call with Lino]''
:'''Sykes''': ''[over phone]'' Shut up, Lino! Shut up! ''[Don Lino growls]''
:''[After flashback, Sykes inflates in a fit of panic]''
:'''Sykes''': ''[in a high-pitched voice]'' Tell me you didn't make it all up, kid! Tell me that's not Lenny! Tell me you're a real Sharkslayer, ''please''!
:'''Oscar''': ''[sadly]'' I'm sorry, Sykes. I'm not. ''[his mood suddenly brightens]'' But the sharks don't know that.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Oscar''': STOP! I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYER! ''[The crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief.]'' I lied.
:'''Lino''': ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Crazy Joe''': ''[tearfully]'' And I'm not a real financial adviser!
:'''Oscar''': ''[awkwardly]'' Okay... ''[to Lino]'' It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny.                 
:'''Lino''': ''[to Lenny]'' If that's true, why did you run away?           
:'''Lenny''': Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be.
:'''Oscar''': ''[to Lino]'' ''What'' is your ''problem''?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So ''what''?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had... until I lost it.
:''[Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background]''               
:'''Lino''': ''[close to tears]'' Will you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry?
:''[Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]''
:'''Lino''': Come here, you. ''[hugs Lenny]'' I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Lenny accidentally eats Oscar]''
:'''Oscar''': Don't... swallow.
:'''Lenny''': Oscar?
:'''Oscar:''': No, it's Pinocchio. OF COURSE IT'S ME! Why did you do that?!
:'''Lenny''': I'm sorry...
:'''Oscar''': No, &quot;sorry&quot; is when you step on somebody's fin at the theater! Yeah, that's &quot;sorry&quot;! &quot;Sorry&quot; is when you say &quot;Hey, when's the baby due?&quot; and it turns out the person's just FAT! No, this is as ''far away from &quot;sorry&quot;'' as you can ''possibly'' get!
:'''Lenny''': Oscar, I think I'm gonna puke...
:'''Oscar''': Oh, no, no, no, no... Lenny, just open up, nice and easy.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lenny''': Shhh! He could be anywhere!
:'''Oscar''': Who?
:'''Lenny:''' The Sharkslayer...
:'''Oscar''': ''[laughs]'' There's no Sharkslayer.
:'''Lenny''': Tchee-he-ha-ha. Yes, there is!
:'''Oscar''': Tchee-he-ha-ha. No, there is not! Trust me on this one!
:'''Lenny''': Get a hold of yourself, man! This is no time to act crazy!
:'''Oscar''': Hey, you're the one acting crazy, crazy!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[In Oscar's fantasy]''
:'''Angie''': Dreams can begin small. You just have to... ''bet it all''. ''BET IT ALL!''
:'''Announcer''': ''And Lucky Day wins.''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Sykes is talking to Lino over the phone]''
:'''Oscar''': Sykes, shut up! '''''SHUT.... UP!'''''
:'''Sykes''': Hey, hey, that's good. That's good, I like that! Shut up, Lino! Ha! SHUT UP! ''[Oscar groans]'' Oh, kid, he wants to talk to you.
:'''Oscar''': ''[whispers]'' No. I'm not here. I'm not here!
:'''Sykes''': Yeah, he's right here. ''[hands Oscar the phone]''
:'''Oscar''': ''[meekly]'' Hello?
:'''Don Lino''': &quot;Shut up&quot;? &quot;Shut up&quot;?! You don't tell ''ME'' &quot;shut up&quot;, I tell ''YOU'' &quot;shut up&quot;! ''[beeping is heard on the other side of the phone]'' What? Hello?
:'''Luca''': Yeah, how ya doin'? Lemme have a pie with everything on it: anchovies, meatballs, mushrooms–
:'''Don Lino''': LUCA!
:'''Luca''': Oh, hi, boss. What are you doin' workin' at a pizza joint?
:'''Don Lino''': '''''GET OFF THE PHONE!'''''
:'''Luca''': But I'm hungry! ''[hangs up]''
:'''Don Lino''': Ugh... My guys are comin' for you, Sharkslayer! They're gonna tear you '''''FIN FROM FIN!''''' ''[slams the phone down; Oscar slumps down on the couch in horror, with Sykes still completely oblivious to him]''
:'''Sykes''': C'mon, now who's your puff daddy, huh? Who takes care of you, huh? Huh? ''[turns to Ernie and Bernie play the Sharkslayer video game]'' C'mon, you two. We've got work to do. ''[turns off the TV]''
:'''Ernie''': Aww! I was winning!
:'''Oscar''': ''[unsuccessfully tries to get Sykes' attention as the latter makes his way to the elevator]'' Sykes, Sykes, hold- Look, you've got it all wrong!
:'''Sykes''': They're gonna write songs about you, kid. ''[sings]'' ''Oh, the shark bites''
:'''Oscar''': Sykes!
:'''Sykes''': ''With his teeth, dear''
:'''Oscar''': Sykes, please!
:'''Sykes''': ''And then Oscar''
:'''Oscar''': Sykes!
:'''Sykes''': ''Kicked his butt''
:''[the elevator closes in Oscar's face]''
:'''Oscar''': Sykes! Sykes, man!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Oscar''': All right, I totally betrayed you, but before we work this out I got a small thing to take care of.
:'''Angie''': Oh, yeah? What's that?
:'''Oscar''': ''SHARKS'' are COMING to GET ME!
:'''Angie''': And they ''should''! What did you expect? You just take credit for killing a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?!
:'''Oscar''': Uh... yeah. But don't worry. Me and Lenny, we're gonna take care of this...
:'''Lenny''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the &quot;we&quot;? I don't want any part of this!
:'''Oscar''': Hey, too late now, veggie boy. They'll be looking for you, too!
:'''Lenny''': Point taken. What's the plan?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The record player gets stuck while Lino talks with Sykes.]''
:'''Don Lino''': Luca.
:''[Luca moves the needle; the record player plays &quot;Baby Got Back&quot; by Six Mix-a-Lot; Luca quickly moves the needle again and it cuts off.]''
:'''Luca''': Hey, boss, big butts! ''[chuckles]''
:'''Don Lino''': Oy vey!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Four Tops: &quot;I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)&quot;]''
:'''Lenny''': Hey, Oscar!
:'''Oscar''': Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her I love her.
:'''Man''': ''[singing] You come and you go...''
:'''Male Fish''': Way to go, Oscar.

==Taglines==
* In Fall, A New School Will Rule.
* The Story of What Happens When One Little Fish Tells a Great White Lie...
* Behind Every Little Fish is a Great White Lie.
* A New School's Gonna Rule...

==Cast==
* [[Will Smith]] - Oscar
* [[Robert De Niro]] - Don Lino
* [[w:Renée Zellweger|Renée Zellweger]] - Angie
* [[Jack Black]] - Lenny
* [[Angelina Jolie]] - Lola
* [[Martin Scorsese]] - Sykes

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0307453|title=Shark Tale}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=shark_tale|title=Shark Tale}}

[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about fish]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films about death]]</text>
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    <title>Poltergeist (1982 film)</title>
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'''''[[w:Poltergeist (1982 film)|Poltergeist]]''''' is a [[w:1982 in film|1982 film]] about a Southern California family whose home is haunted by a host of ghosts.
:''Directed by [[Tobe Hooper]]. Written by [[Steven Spielberg]], [[w:Michael Grais|Michael Grais]], and [[w:Mark Victor|Mark Victor]].''
{{center|'''They're Here. ''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

==Diane Freeling==
*Sleepwalking ... 'Nocturnal somnambulism.' You know what? You know what? I will bet you anything it's genetic. I mean, Carol Anne last night, and all last week, you know—and me when I was ten. You know, I once slept-walked four blocks, and I fell asleep in the back of this guy's car. He drove all the way to work before discovering me. Oh God, I woke up, I started screaming. People came running, from everywhere. They called the cops, the cops came, they took this poor dude downtown. My father, Big—he, Big Ed has me examined for like bruises and hickeys, you name it, Oh God, I was so embarrassed. ''(beat)'' Oh, shit, Steven—what if we, like, dig the pool, you know—and Carol Anne sleepwalks and she falls into it before there's any water?
*Reach back into our past when you used to have an open mind, remember that? Now try to use that for the next couple of minutes...
*''Run to the light, Carol Anne''. Run as fast as you can! Mommy is in the light! Mommy is ''waiting for you in the light!!!!!!!''
*You bastard, she's just a baby! Help her, help her. Can't you hear what's happening?! Help her.
*(''To the Beast blocking the way to Carol Anne and Robbie's bedroom'') No, don't touch my babies!
*(''To the Beast while running upstairs to save Carol Anne and Robbie after escaping the pool'') Get away from my babies! Get away!
*It's like, it's like, there's this tickling, you know, right in here. And it starts to pull you. The tickling pulls you. And all of a sudden, it's like there's no air except that you can breathe. And you're getting pulled along and --
*She just moved through me. My God. I felt her. ''I can smell her.'' It's her. It's her. Smell my clothes. It's her. She's all over me. It's her. She's on me. It's her. I felt her. It's her. It is. It's...it is...it's my baby. It's my baby. She went through my soul.

==Steve Freeling==
*A three meter board is like an air pocket, sweetheart. When you dive off, it's like free-falling.
*We keep the room locked off from the rest of the house. Robbie's sleeping with us now—Dana, she spends a lot of time with friends.
*So. What side of the rainbow are we working tonight, Dr. Lesh? Is this your Knott's Berry Farm solution?
*''[bodies begin shooting out of his house &amp; yard; to Teague]'' You son of a bitch! You moved the cemetery, but you left the bodies, didn't you?! You son of a bitch, you left the bodies and you only moved the headstones! YOU ONLY MOVED THE HEADSTONES! WHY?! WHY?!
*Nobody's goin' in the kitchen until I know what's happening.

==Carol Anne Freeling==
*''[to the TV]'' Hello? What do you look like? ''Talk louder, I can't hear you!!!!'' Hey, ''hello! Hello'', I can't hear you! 5. Yes! Yes. I don't know. I don't know.
*'''They're Heeere.'''
**''Note: ranked #69 in the [[w:AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations]] in American cinema''.
*I can hear you Mommy. Where are you?
*''[readying her deceased pet bird for burial in his eternal cigar box]'' For when he's hungry...for when he's lonely...and when it's nighttime.
*Can I get a goldfish now?
*Can I take my goldfish to school?
*The &quot;TV People&quot;.
*Mommy, where are you? I can't find you. I can't. I'm afraid of the Light, mommy. I'm afraid of the Light.
*Mommy, there's somebody here ... Mommy, somebody's coming. Mommy, help me, please! Get away from me. Leave me alone!
*(''First lines of the movie'') Hello? What do you look like? Talk louder, I can't hear you! Hey, hello! Hello, I can't hear you! Five. Yes. Yes. I don't know. I don't know.
*[puts a twizzler in the Tweety's coffin] For when he's hungry.
*I want pepperoni pizza!
*Hi, Daddy.
*[''Burying the canary, Carol Anne says a prayer''] Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
*Mommy didn't cook any dinner.
*You promised pizza.
*(''While the Beast transforms her closet into a throat-like monster'') No more.

==Robbie Freeling==
*Is that our house?! Who are all those people?! Where are they coming from?!
*If I got killed, I could visit her and show her how to get back here. You could tie a rope around me and hold it tight. Then somebody could come and get us and we could live somewhere else.
*I got beat up once by three kids ... They took my lunch money. Maybe they got hit by a truck, and ''they're upstairs right now!''
*The house is coming?
*Mom, when it rots, can we dig it up and see the bones?
*(''While tearing the Clown doll apart repeatedly'') I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!! YOU'RE A MURDERER!! I HATE YOU!!
*(''Repeatedly while trying to open the bedroom door as the Beast transforms his closet into a throat-like monster'') Mom! Mom! Open the door! Mom!

==Dr. Lesh==
*Parapsychology isn't something you master in. There are no certificates of graduation. No licenses to practice... I am a professional psychologist who spends most of my time engaged in this ghostly hobby, which makes me I suppose the most irresponsible woman of my age that I know.
*It isn't over. I'm absolutely ''terrified''... It's all the things that we don't understand. I feel like the proto-human coming out of the forest primeval and seeing the moon for the first time and throwing rocks at it.
*I'm leaving Ryan here with you. Marty won't be coming back. I am coming back. And I'll bring some help. Try not to worry.
*Would your family welcome a serious investigation of these disturbances by someone who can make first-hand observations?
*Mrs. Freeling, the determination as to whether your home is haunted is not very easy. ''[A heavy teapot slides across the table in front of her]'' I -- what I meant to say was, it might very well be a poltergeist intrusion instead of a classic haunting.
*There's going to be two more in a couple of seconds. They always come in pairs.
*Poltergeist are usually associated with an individual. Hauntings seem to be connected with an area, a house usually.
*It is—it is a way out, but not for her. Tell her, quickly.
*The voice source on television - where is it coming from?

==Tangina Barrons==
*This house has many hearts.
*Your daughter is alive and in this house.
*Y'all mind hanging back? You're jammin' the frequencies.
*Now, clear your minds. It knows what scares you. It has from the very beginning. Don't give it any help, it knows too much already.
*No, no, no... Go downstairs and wait by Ryan and pull. Only when I say so, only when I say.
*Cross over, children. All are welcome. All welcome. Go into the light...there's peace and serenity in the light.
*''[Steven is trying to pull Diane out of the closet] ''Steven, ''not yet!''
*This house is clean.

==Dialogue==
:'''Diane''': Sweetheart, last night, when you said &quot;They're here&quot;?
:'''Carol Anne''': Can I take my goldfish to school?
:'''Diane''': Sweetheart, do you remember last night when you woke up, and you said &quot;They're here.'?
:'''Carol Anne''': Uh huh.
:'''Diane''': Well, who did you mean, who's here?
:'''Carol Anne''': The &quot;TV People&quot;.
:'''Robbie''': She's stoned.
:'''Dana''': Oh yeah? What do you know about it?
:'''Robbie''': More than you. Ask Dad.
:'''Dana''': Ask Dad.
:'''Carol Anne''': Ask Dad.
:'''All''': Ask Dad. Ask Dad.
:'''Robbie''': Ask Dad. Ask Dad. ''[glass breaks by itself &amp; spills all over Dana's homework]'' Not my mess.
:'''Dana''': Thanks a lot, jerko. I've got class in 20 minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Diane''': ''[looking at rearranged, stacked chairs]'' &quot;TV people&quot;?
:'''Carol Anne''': Uh-huh.
:'''Diane''': Do you see them?
:'''Carol Anne''': Uh-uh. Do you?
:'''Diane''': Uh-uh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robbie''': I don't like the tree, Dad.
:'''Steve''': That's an old tree, it's been around here a long time. I think it was here before my company built the neighborhood.
:'''Robbie''': I don't like its arms. ''[whispering]'' It knows I live here, doesn't it?
:'''Steve''': It knows everything about us, Rob, that's why I built the house next to it, so it could protect us: you and Carol Anne, and Dana and your mom and me ... That's a very wise old tree.
:'''Robbie''': It looks at me. ''It knows I live here.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Steve''': Something's funny goin' on here next door. Something, uh --
:'''Diane''': We were wondering if maybe you had experienced any disturbances lately? ...Oh you know, like dishes or furniture moving around by themselves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Steve''': Tomorrow, I'm going to call someone --
:'''Diane''': Oh yeah? Who, for instance? I already looked in the Yellow Pages. &quot;Furniture Movers&quot; we got; &quot;Strange Phenomenon&quot;, there's no listing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Teague''': One of your children was born in your house, huh?
:'''Steve''': Carol Anne.
:'''Mr. Teague''': I understand that she's missed a lot of school. One of Trask's daughters is in the same nursery class ...I didn't see her.
:'''Steve''': She's around.
:'''Mr. Teague''': Listen, I wonder if you'd mind if I asked you a question? Are you thinking about leaving Cuesta Verde?...How's that spot for a bay window, huh?
:'''Steve''': Yeah, well, it's pretty nice if you're living up here, but uh, not so great down there in the valley having to look at a bunch of homes cutting into the hillside.
:'''Mr. Teague''': But you don't have to live in the valley anymore.
:'''Steve''': What are you saying?
:'''Mr. Teague''': We're starting Phase Five right here where we're standing. All of this can be your master bedroom suite. That can be your view. Interested?
:'''Steve''': Oh, Mr. Teague, you know, that's a generous offer. I'm just not a developer.
:'''Mr. Teague''': You're responsible for 42 percent of sales. That's almost half of everything down there. Almost 70 million dollars worth of dwelling and properties. Now that's a whole generation of security that nobody can put a price-tag on. Now look, I know we should have made you a full partner three years ago. Well, I don't want to lose you now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Steve''': Not much room for a pool, is there?
:'''Mr. Teague''': We own all the land. We've already made arrangements for relocating the cemetery.
:'''Steve''': Oh you're kidding. Oh come on. That's sacrilegious, isn't it?
:'''Mr. Teague''': Oh, don't worry about it. After all, it's not ancient tribal burial ground. It's just people. Besides, we've done it before.
:'''Steve''': When?
:'''Mr. Teague''': In '76, right down there.
:'''Steve''': Cuesta Verde?
:'''Mr. Teague''': All three hundred acres. Well, let me tell you, it was quite a deal!
:'''Steve''': No, no. But I never heard anything about it, though.
:'''Mr. Teague''': That's not the sort of thing one goes around advertising on a billboard or on the side of a bus. What are you worried about? Friends and relatives can visit their loved ones in Broxton Memorial Park - it's only five minutes further, for Christ's sake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Steve''': You know Teague, he won't take &quot;Go to Hell&quot; for an answer.
:'''Diane''': What are you going to do?
:'''Steve''': I'm gonna give him directions.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Casey''': I was just about to check out the kids' bedroom, and I don't know, something took a bite out of me!
:'''Robbie''': You got bit?
:'''Dr. Casey''': Yeah, that or the worst muscle spasm in the world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Casey''': There's been some ionization flux. I'd like to make sure it's not caused by humidity coming from structural leakage, but I'm not going up there to find out. We have got much more than the paranormal episode taking place here. There's measurable physical science in this house that goes far beyond any of the creaking doors or cold spots I've ever experienced.
:'''Dr. Lesh''': The voice source on television - where is it coming from?
:'''Ryan''': The absence of a signal on the channel that is not receiving a broadcast means that it is free to receive a lot of noise from all sorts of things - like short wave, solar disturbances, car ignition sparkings -- outer space -- or inner space. Yes, what if these people had an area of bi-location in their own living room? No, I mean: if that is the way out then maybe somewhere in this house, there's a way in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robbie''': Who are all those people?
:'''Dr. Lesh''': They're so alone. So alone.
:'''Robbie''': Where are they coming from?
:'''Diane''': I don't know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Well, I'm off. Now these tapes, I am going to have to display them, you know.
:'''Steve''': Oh please, not on ''[[w:60 Minutes|60 Minutes]]''.
:'''Diane''': Or ''[[w:That's Incredible|That's Incredible]]''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Would your family welcome a serious investigation of these disturbances by someone who can make first-hand observations?
:'''Steve''': Dr. Lesh, we really don't care about the disturbances -- the pounding and the flashing, the screaming ... the music. We just want you to find our little girl.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ryan''': Mr. Freeling, we'll record any psychotronic energy or event.
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Yes, Ryan photographed an extraordinary episode on a case in Redlands.
:'''Ryan''': That's right. It was a child's toy, a very small Matchbox vehicle. Rolled seven feet across a linoleum surface. The duration of the event was seven hours.
:'''Steve''': Seven hours for what?
:'''Ryan''': For the vehicle to complete the distance. Of course, this would never register on the naked eye. But I have it recorded on a time-lapse camera. It's fantastic.
:'''Steve''': -- Mm-hm --
:''[opens door to see objects flying around children's room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Diane''': How long have you been investigating haunted houses?
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Mrs. Freeling, the determination as to whether your home is haunted is not very easy. ''[A heavy teapot slides across the table by itself in front of her]'' I -- what I meant to say was, it might very well be a poltergeist intrusion instead of a classic haunting.
:''[Light flashes twice]''
:'''Diane:''' There's going to be two more in a couple of seconds. They always come in pairs.
:'''Dr. Lesh:''' Dr. Casey.
:''[Casey fails to photograph the light flashes]''
:'''Diane:''' You got to be quicker than that around here.
:'''Steve''': There's a difference?
:'''Ryan''': It's electrical. You can smell the charge.
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Poltergeist are usually associated with an individual. Hauntings seem to be connected with an area, a house usually.
:'''Marty''': Poltergeist disturbances are of fairly short duration, perhaps a couple of months. Hauntings can go on for -- years.
:'''Diane''': Are you telling me that all of this could just suddenly end at any time?
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Yes, it could, unless it's a haunting. But hauntings don't usually revolve around living people.
:'''Diane''': Then we don't have much time, Dr. Lesh, because my daughter is alive somewhere inside this house.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Some people believe that when you die, your soul goes to heaven.
:'''Robbie''': When Grandpa was dying, I looked at him in the hospital bed. And I was watching. But I didn't see anything go up out of him.
:'''Diane''': Well, his soul is invisible, Robbie. You couldn't see it.
:'''Robbie''': But how come Grandpa isn't there on television with Carol Anne?
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Some people believe that when people die, there's a wonderful light -- as bright as the sun. But it doesn't hurt to look into it. All the answers to all the questions that you ever want to know are inside that light. And when you walk to it, you become a part of it forever. (beat) And then, some people die but they -- don't know that they've gone.
:'''Robbie''': They think they're still alive?
:'''Dr. Lesh''': ''Yes''. Maybe they didn't want to die. Maybe they weren't ready. Maybe they hadn't lived fully yet or they'd lived a long, long time and they still wanted more life. They resist going into that light, however hard the light wants them. They just -- hang around. Watch TV, watch their friends grow up -- feeling unhappy and jealous and those feelings are bad. They ''hurt''. ''(beat)'' And then, some people just get lost on the way to the light, and they need someone to guide them to it.
:'''Robbie''': So some people get angry and throw things around - like in my bedroom?
:'''Dr. Lesh''': ''Yes''. Just like in school. Like -- some kids are nice to you, some kids are mean.
:'''Robbie''': I got beat up once by three kids. They took my lunch money. Maybe they got hit by a truck and they're upstairs right now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Diane''': Uhhh ... this is probably going to be seem a little strange. We hear better on this channel, don't ask me why. Well, uh -- I guess I'll call her. Carol Anne? ... it's Mommy, sweetheart. We want to talk to you. Please answer me, baby. Please answer me. Please talk to me, bunny.
:'''Marty''': -- look at the dog --
:'''Diane''': Are you with us now? Can you... can you say hello to daddy?
:'''Carol Anne''': Hello, Daddy.
:'''Steve''': Hello, Sweetpea.
:'''Diane''': It's Mommy, sweetheart.
:'''Carol Anne''': Hello, Mommy.
:'''Diane''': Hello, baby. Can you see me? Can you see Mommy?
:'''Carol Anne''': Mommy? Where are you? Where are you?
:'''Diane''': We're home, baby. We're home. Can you find me? Can you find a way to us, baby?
:'''Carol Anne''': Mommy, where are you? I can't find you. I can't. I'm afraid of the Light, mommy. I'm afraid of the Light.
:'''Dr. Lesh''': Tell her to stay away from the light.
:'''Diane''': Maybe it's a way out --
:'''Dr. Lesh''': It is -- it is a way out, but not for her. Tell her, quickly.
:'''Diane''': Stay away from the light. The light is dangerous. Don't go near it. Don't even look at the light.
:'''Carol Anne''': Mommy, there's somebody here ... Mommy, somebody's coming. Mommy, help me, please! ''Get away from me. Leave me alone!''
:'''Diane''': She just moved through me. My God, I felt her. I can smell her. It's her...She's all over me... ''She went through my soul.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tangina''': I'd give my strongest feeling. The point of origin is in the child's closet upstairs.
:'''Diane''': Yes, I believe that too.
:'''Tangina''': Honey, are you gonna be strong for me and for your daughter? I can do absolutely nothing without your faith in this world and your love for the children.
:'''Diane''': I will, believe me I will.
:'''Tangina''': And will you do anything I ask, even if it comes contrary to your beliefs as a human being and a Christian?
:'''Diane''': Yes, I promise, please.
:&lt;p&gt;'''Tangina''': There is no death. There is only a transition to a different sphere of consciousness. Carol Anne is not like those she's with. She's a living presence in their spiritual, earth-bound plane. They're attracted to the one thing about her that's different from themselves. Her life-force - it is very strong. It gives off its own illumination. It is a light that implies life and memory of love and home and earthly pleasures, something they desperately desire but can't have anymore. Right now, she's the closest thing to that, and that is a terrible distraction from the real light that has finally come for them. Do you understand me?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;These souls who for whatever reason are not at rest are also not aware that they have passed on. They're not part of consciousness as we know it. They're in a perpetual dream state, a nightmare from which they cannot wake. Inside this spectral light is salvation - a window to the next plane. They must pass through this membrane with friends who are waiting to guide them to new destinies. Carol Anne must help them cross over, and she will only hear her mother's voice. Now, hold onto your selves. There's one more thing - a terrible presence is in there with her. So much rage, so much betrayal. I've never sensed anything like it. I don't know what hovers over this house, but it was strong enough to punch a hole into this world and take your daughter away from you. It keeps Carol Anne very close to it and away from the spectral light. It lies to her. It says things only a child can understand. He's been using her to restrain the others. To her, it simply is another child. To us, it is the Beast. Now let's go get your daughter.&lt;/p&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tangina''': You can't choose between life and death when we're dealing with what is in between. Now tell her before it's too late.
:'''Diane''': Run to the light, baby. Mommy is in the light.
:'''Tangina''': Tell her you're waiting for her.
:'''Diane''': Mommy's waiting for you in the light. ''[under her breath to Tangina]'' I hate you for that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tangina''': Help me tie this around my waist.
:'''Diane''': What do you think you're doing?
:'''Tangina''': I'm going in after her.
:'''Diane''': She won't come to you. Let me go.
:'''Tangina''': You've never done this before.
:'''Diane''': Neither have you.
:'''Tangina''': ''[pause]'' You're right. You go.

&lt;hr width=50%&quot;/&gt;
(''Last lines'')
:'''Dana''': Wh-What's happening? What's happening? WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
:'''Steven''': (''Drives up to his panicking older daughter'') Dana! Get in the car!
:'''Robbie''': Daddy! Drive away! Drive away!
:'''Diane''': Steven, hurry!
:'''Dana''': Daddy!
:(''Dana dives into the back seat of the car next to Robbie and E. Buzz'')
:'''Robbie''': The house is coming! Faster! Faster!
:'''Steven''': (''To Diane who briefly looks back at the house as they drive off'') Don't look back!

==Taglines==
* From a dimension beyond the living, a terror to scare you to death.
* They're here.
* It knows what scares you.
* Some things have to be believed to be seen.
* The first real ghost story.
* ''[from trailer]'' The house looks just like the one next to it, and the one next to that, and the one next to that. A young couple live in it, with their three children... and something more.
* ''[from trailer]'' Now Steven Spielberg crosses a frightening new threshold, into a world within our own.
* ''[from trailer]'' Its form is revealed. Its focus is clear. And the games are over.
* ''[from TV spot]'' Don't adjust the television set. Your reception's fine. But in their new suburban home, the Freeling family has tuned into something beyond our world.
* ''[from TV spot]'' All across the country, by 4am, TV screens go blank. The late night show is over. The Freeling home is different. Although nothing is on, something is there.
* ''[from TV spot]'' You'll never look at your television set the same way again.

==Cast==
*[[w:Craig T. Nelson|Craig T. Nelson]] - Steve Freeling
*[[w:JoBeth Williams|JoBeth Williams]] - Diane Freeling
*[[w:Beatrice Straight|Beatrice Straight]] - Dr. Lesh
*[[w:Dominique Dunne|Dominique Dunne]] - Dana Freeling
*[[w:Oliver Robins|Oliver Robins]] - Robbie Freeling
*[[w:Heather O'Rourke|Heather O'Rourke]] - Carol Anne Freeling
*[[w:Zelda Rubinstein|Zelda Rubinstein]] - Tangina Barrons, Clairvoyant
*[[w:Martin Casella|Martin Casella]] - Dr. Marty Casey
*[[w:James Karen|James Karen]] - Mr. Teague

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0084516|title=Poltergeist}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=poltergeist|title=Poltergeist}}
*''[http://www.filmsite.org/polt.html Poltergeist]'' at [[w:Filmsite.org|Filmsite.org]]

[[Category:1982 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Ghost films]]
[[Category:Thriller films]]
[[Category:Supernatural horror films]]
[[Category:Haunted house films]]

[[it:Poltergeist - Demoniache presenze]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Bret Easton Ellis</title>
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      <contributor>
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      <text bytes="16994" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Ellis.jpg|thumb|Bret Easton Ellis in 2010]]

'''[[w:Bret Easton Ellis|Bret Easton Ellis]]''' (born [[March 7]], [[1964]]) is an American author. He is considered to be one of the major Generation X authors and was regarded as one of the so-called literary [[w:Brat Pack|Brat Pack]].

== Quotes ==

*When I was bullied: you manned-up.  You learned something.  You realized: I'm not getting the gold star.  You realized: you lose.  Deal with it.
** On being bullied and the [[w:It Gets Better Project|It Gets Better Project]]''
** [http://twitter.com/#!/BretEastonEllis/status/143539970307653632]

* I didn’t think anyone outside of LA would read ''Less Than Zero''. I thought ''The Rules of Attraction'' would be a huge hit. I assumed people would react to ''American Psycho'' as a comedy. I thought I showcased some of my best writing in ''The Informers''. And I was totally caught off-guard by the amount of good reviews and bad reviews ''Glamorama'' elicited. I’ve stopped guessing because I’m always wrong. And quite honestly: I don’t care. Writing the book is the main thing. Waiting for a reaction: a waste of time. But, obviously, I hope people respond to the book in a favorable way. I don’t want people to dislike it. But I don’t really mind if they do.
** [http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780307264305&amp;view=auqa]

* I read it for the first time in about 20 years this year–-recently. It wasn't so bad. I get it. I get fan mail now from people who weren't really born yet when the book came out. I don't think it's a perfect book by any means, but it's valid. I get where it comes from. I get what it is. I know that sounds so ambiguous. It's sort of out of my hands and it has its reputation so what can you do about it? There's a lot of it that I wish was slightly more elegantly written. Overall, I was pretty shocked. It was pretty good writing for someone who was 19. I was pretty surprised by the level of writing.
** On ''Less Than Zero''
** [http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=571852]

* It might be my favorite book of mine. It was a very exciting time in my life. I was writing that book while I was at college. Sort of like the best of times, the worst of times. There was a lot of elation, there was a lot of despair. It was just a really fun book to write. I loved mimicking all the different voices. The stream of conscious does get a little out of hand. I kind of like that about the book. It's kind of all over the place. It's casual. It's scruffy. That's the one book of mine that I have a very, very soft spot for.
** On ''The Rules of Attraction''
** [http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=571852]

* I reread that book in the summer of '03. . . . And I hadn't looked at that book either since '91. And I was dreading it. I thought it was going to be a really terrible novel. Everything everyone had ever said about it was going to be true. . . . And I started reading it... and I was surprised. It was good. It was fun. It was not nearly as pretentious as I remember I wanted it to be when I was writing it. Not nearly as weighted down with the importance that I thought I was investing it with. I found it really fast-moving. I found it really funny. And I liked it a lot. The violence was... it made my toes curl. I really freaked out. I couldn't believe how violent it was. It was truly upsetting. I had to steel myself to reread those passages.
** On ''American Psycho''
** [http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=571852]

* It's definitely the book that I can tell—I don't know if other people can tell but I can tell as a writer–-is probably the most divisive that I've written. It has an equal number of detractors as it does fans. It doesn't really hold true with the other books. It was the one that took the longest to write, and the one that seemed the most important at the time. It's an unwieldy book... I like it.
** On ''Glamorama''
** [http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=571852]

=== ''[[w:Less Than Zero|Less Than Zero]]'' (1985) ===

* People are afraid to merge on freeways in Los Angeles.

* Disappear here.

=== ''[[w:The Rules of Attraction|The Rules of Attraction]]'' (1987) ===

* ...and it's a story that might bore you but you don't have to listen, she told me, because she always knew it was going to be like that, and it was, she thinks, her first year, or actually weekend, really a Friday, in September, at Camden, and this was three or four years ago, and she got so drunk that she ended up in bed, lost her virginity (late, she was eighteen) in Lorna Slavin's room, because she was a Freshman and had a roommate and Lorna was, she remembers, a Senior or Junior and usually somestimes at her boyfriend's place off-campus, to who she thought was a Sophomore Ceramics major but who was actually either some guy from N.Y.U., a film student, and up in New Hampshire just for The Dressed to Get Screwed party, or a townie.

=== ''[[w:American Psycho|American Psycho]]'' (1991) ===

* '''ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE''' is scrawled in blood red lettering on the side of the Chemical Bank near the corner of Eleventh and First and is in print large enough to be seen from the backseat of the cab as it lurches forward in the traffic leaving Wall Street and just as Timothy Price notices the words a bus pulls up, the advertisement for ''Les Miserables'' on its side blocking his view, but Price who is with Pierce &amp; Pierce and twenty-six doesn't seem to care because he tells the driver he will give him five dollars to turn up the radio, &quot;Be My Baby&quot; on WYNN, and the driver, black, not American, does so.
**Chapter &quot; April Fools&quot;, p. 3; the opening of the book.

* &quot;Wait,&quot; she gasps.&lt;br&gt;&quot;What?&quot; I moan, puzzled but almost there.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Luis is a despicable twit,&quot; she gasps, trying to push me out of her.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Yes,&quot; I say, leaning on top of her, tonguing her ear. &quot;Luis ''is'' a despicable twit. I hate him too,&quot; and now, spurred on by her disgust for her wimp boyfriend, I start moving faster, my climax approaching.&lt;br&gt;&quot;No, you idiot,&quot; she groans. &quot;I said ''Is it a receptacle tip''? Not 'Is Luis a despicable twit.' Is it a ''receptacle tip''? Get off me.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Is what a ''what''? I moan.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Pull out,&quot; she groans, struggling.&lt;br&gt;&quot;I'm ignoring you,&quot; I say, moving my mouth down on her small perfect nipples, both of them stiff, sitting on hard, big tits.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Pull out, goddamnit!&quot; she screams.&lt;br&gt;&quot;What do you want, Courtney?&quot; I grunt, slowing my thrusts down until I finally straighten up and then I'm just kneeling over her, my cock still half inside. She hunches back against the headboard and my dick slides out.
**Chapter &quot; Deck Chairs&quot;, p. 103; Patrick is sleeping with Courtney, the fiancee of his associate Luis Carruthers, whom he despises and later finds has a homosexual attraction towards him. The dispute is over what type of condom he is wearing.

* As the salesgirl rings up Charles's purchases, I'm playing with the baby while Nancy holds her, offering Glenn my platinum American Express card, and she grabs at it excitedly, and I'm shaking my head, talking in a high-pitched baby voice, squeezing her chin, waving the card in front of her face, cooing, &quot;Yes I'm a total psychopathic murderer, oh yes I am, I like to kill people, oh yes I do, honey, little sweetie pie, yes I do...&quot; 
**Chapter &quot;Paul Smith&quot;, p. 221.

* Though I am satisfied at first by my actions, I'm suddenly jolted with a mournful despair at how useless, how extraordinarily painless, it is to take a child's life. This thing before me, small and twisted and bloody, has no real history, no worthwhile past, nothing is really lost. It's so much worse (and more pleasurable) taking the life of someone who has hit his or her prime, who has the beginnings of a full history, a spouse, a network of friends, a career, whose death will upset far more people whose capacity for grief is limitless than a child's would, perhaps ruin many more lives than just the meaningless, puny death of this boy.
**Chapter &quot;Killing Child at Zoo&quot;, p. 299.

* The smell of meat and blood clouds up the condo until I don't notice it anymore. And later my macabre joy sours and I'm weeping for myself, unable to find solace in any of this, crying out, sobbing &quot;I just want to be loved,&quot; cursing the earth and everything I have been taught: principles, distinctions, choices, morals, compromises, knowledge, unity, prayer - all of it was wrong, without any final purpose. All it came down to was: die or adapt. 
**Chapter &quot; Tries to Cook and Eat Girl&quot;, p. 345.

*  This was what I could understand, this was how I lived my life, what I constructed my movement around, how I dealt with the tangible. This was the geography around which my reality revolved: it did not occur to me, ''ever'', that people were good or that a man was capable of change or that the world could be a better place through one's taking pleasure in a feeling or a look or a gesture, of receiving another person's love or kindness. Nothing was affirmative, the term &quot;generosity of spirit&quot; applied to nothing, was a cliché, was some kind of bad joke. Sex is mathematics. Individuality no longer an issue. What does intelligence signify? Define reason. Desire – meaningless. Intellect is not a cure. Justice is dead. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt anymore. Reflection is useless, the world is senseless. Evil is its only permanence. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in... this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged...
**Chapter &quot;End of the 1980s&quot;, p. 375. 

* ...there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: ''I simply am not there.'' It is hard for me to make sense on any given level. Myself is fabricated, an aberration. I am a noncontingent human being. My personality is sketchy and unformed, my heartlessness goes deep and is persistent. My conscience, my pity, my hopes disappeared a long time ago (probably at Harvard) if they ever did exist. There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed.
**Chapter &quot;End of the 1980s&quot;, p. 376-377.

* My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this – and I have, countless times, in just about every act I've committed – and coming face-to-face with these truths, there is no catharsis. I gain no deeper knowledge about myself, no new understanding can be extracted from my telling. There has been no reason for me to tell you any of this. This confession has meant ''nothing''...
**Chapter &quot;End of the 1980s&quot;, p. 377. 

* Well, though I know I should have done that instead of not doing it, I'm twenty-seven for Christ sakes and this is, uh, how life presents itself in a bar or in a club in New York, maybe anywhere, at the end of the century and how people, you know, me, behave, and this is what being ''Pat''rick means to me, I guess, so, well, yup, uh...&quot; and this is followed by a sigh, then a slight shrug and another sigh, and above one of the doors covered by red velvet drapes in Harry's is a sign and on the sign in letters that match the drapes' color are the words THIS IS NOT AN EXIT.
**Chapter &quot;Harry's&quot;, p. 399., final lines

=== ''[[w:Glamorama|Glamorama]]'' (1998) ===

* Specks—specks all over the third panel, see?—no, ''that'' one—the second one up from the floor and I wanted to point this out to someone yesterday but a photo shoot intervened and Yaki Nakamari or whatever the hell the designer's name is—a master craftsman ''not''—mistook me for someone else so I couldn't register the complaint, but, gentlemen—and ladies—there they are: ''specks'', annoying, tiny specks, and they ''don't'' look accidental but like they were somehow done by a machine—so I don't want a lot of description, just the story, streamlined, no frills, the lowdown: who, what, where, when and don't leave out why, though I'm getting the distinct impression by the looks on your sorry faces that ''why'' won't get answered—now, come on, goddamnit, what's the ''story''?

*We'll slide down the surface of things...

*'As a general rule you shouldn't expect too much from people darling,' and then I kiss her on the cheek.

*'I just had my makeup done, so you can't make me cry.'

*She staggers over to the bathroom door and grabs the edge of it to balance herself and blood starts running down her legs in thin rivulets and when she lifts up the robe we both can see her underwear soaked with blood and she pulls it off, panicking, and suddenly a huge gush of blood expels itself from beneath the robe, splashing all over the bathroom floor.&lt;p&gt;She gasps, a thick noise comes out of her throat and she doubles over, grabbing her stomach, then she screams. Looking surprised and still clutching her stomach, she vomits will staggering backwards, collapsing onto the bathroom floor. There are strands of tissue hanging out of her.

*I'm Christian Bale&quot;, Russel, says, taking [her hand].&lt;br&gt;&quot;Oh right,&quot; she says. &quot;Yeah, I thought I recognized you. You're the actor.

*The stars are real.&lt;br&gt;The future is that mountain.

=== ''[[w:Lunar Park|Lunar Park]]'' (2005) ===

* You do an awfully good impression of yourself.

* And now the missing Boy Scout inevitably provoked the flicker of worry I experienced every morning before Robby and Sarah went off to school, especially if the hangover was bad or I'd had too much coffee. This wide-awake nightmare lasted no more than thirty seconds, a rapid montage that nonetheless required a Klonopin: a rampage at the school, &quot;I'm so scared&quot; being whispered over the cell phone, what sounds like firecrackers popping off in the background, the ricocheting bullet that hurls the second-grader to the floor,the random firing in the library, the blood sprayed over an unfinished exam, the red pools of it forming on the linoleum, the desk spattered with viscera, a wounded teacher ushering dazed children out of the cafeteria, the custodian shot in the back, the girl murmuring &quot;I think I've been hit&quot; before she faints, the CNN vans arriving, the stuttering sheriff at the emergency press conference, the bulletins flashing on TV screens, the &quot;concerned&quot; anchorman offering updates, the helicopters hovering, the final moments when the gunman places the Magnum in his mouth, the overcrowded hospital emergency rooms and the gymnasiums transformed into makeshift morgues, the yellow crime tape ribboned around an entire playground - and then, in the aftermath: the .22 rifle missing from the stepfather's cabinet, the journal recounting the boy's rejection and despair, a boy who took the teasing hard, the boy who had nothing to lose, the Elavil that didn't take hold orthe bipolar disorder not detected, the book on witchcraft found beneath the bed, the X carved into his chest and the attempted suicide the month before, the broken hand from punching a wall, the nights lying in bed counting to a thousand, the pet rabbit found later that afternoon hanged from a hook in a small closet - and, finally, the closing images of the endless coverage: the flag at half-staff, the memorial services, the hundreds of bouquets and candles and toys that filled the steps leading up to the school, the bloody hand of a victim on the cover of ''Newsweek'', the questions asked, the simple shrugs, the civil suits filed, the copycats, the reasons you quit praying. Still, the worst news comes out of your own child's mouth: &quot;But he was normal, Dad - he was just like me.&quot;

* &quot;I hear today's college women are 'prodigious.'&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Prodigious? Is that what you heard?&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Well, I read it in a magazine. It was something I wanted to believe.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;&quot;The Jayster. Always a dreamer.&quot;

* That doesn't sound like...the Jayster.

== About Bret Easton Ellis ==

* A case could be made for Mr. Ellis as a covert moralist and closet sentimentalist, the best kind, the kind who leaves you space in which to respond as your predispositions nudge you, whether as a commissar or hand-wringer or, like me, as an admirer of his intelligence and craft.
** George Stade, ''The New York Times Book Review''.

== External links ==
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      <text bytes="104078" xml:space="preserve">[[File:The Earth seen from Apollo 17.jpg|thumb|240px|&lt;center&gt;''The closed economy of the future might similarly be called the 'spaceman' economy, in which the earth has become a single spaceship, without unlimited reservoirs of anything, either for extraction or for pollution, and in which, therefore, man must find his place in a cyclical ecological system''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1966&lt;/center&gt;]]
'''[[w:Kenneth Boulding|Kenneth Ewart Boulding]]''' ([[18 January]] [[1910]] – [[18 March]] [[1993]]) was an [[economist]], [[educator]], [[poet]], religious mystic, devoted Quaker, [[systems theory|systems scientist]] and interdisciplinary [[philosopher]]. He was cofounder of [[General Systems Theory]] and founder of numerous ongoing intellectual projects in economics and social science. He was married to {{w|Elise M. Boulding}}.

== Quotes ==
=== 1940s ===
* We are not sent into this world to walk it in [[solitude]]. We are born to [[love]], as we are born to breathe and eat and drink. The babe is hardly separated from his mother’s womb before he stretches out a tiny clasping hand, and from that time forth he will constantly stretch out to touch the world that lies about him and the folk that dwell therein. The purpose of our growth in life is to bring us into unity with the universe into which we are born, to make us aware that we are not lonely individual meteors hurtling blindly through an abysmal dark, but living parts of a living whole.  As we grow we learn to love more and more: first ourselves; then the family within the small kingdom of the home; then the school, the wider circle of friends, the home community, the college, and the still wider community of the nation; and finally, the greatest country of all, which has no boundaries this side of Hell, and perhaps not even there. 
** Kenneth Boulding (1942) &quot;[http://www.quaker.org/pamphlets/wpl1942a.html The Practice of The Love of God]&quot;, William Penn Lecture, delivered at Arch Street Meetinghouse, Philadelphia, 1942. In: ''Friends' Intelligencer'', Vol. 99 p. 231-261

[[File:DEU Fleischerei Preisschilder Bregenwurst ua MSZ100108.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''The ultimate &quot;causes of price&quot; - to use a Classical term - lie deeply embedded in the psychology and techniques of mankind and his environment, and are as manifold as the sands of the sea''&lt;br&gt; - Kenneth Boulding, 1944&lt;/center&gt;]] 
* The ultimate &quot;causes of price&quot; - to use a Classical term - lie deeply embedded in the psychology and techniques of mankind and his environment, and are as manifold as the sands of the sea. All economic analysis is an attempt to classify these manifold causes, to sort them out into categories of discourse that our limited minds can handle, and so to perceive the unity of structural relationship which both unites and separates the manifoldness. Our concepts of &quot;{{w|demand}}&quot; and &quot;[[:w:Supply (economics)|supply]]&quot; are such broad categories. In whatever sense they are used, they are not ultimate determinants of anything, but they are convenient channels through which we can classify and describe the effects of the multitude of determinants of the system of economic magnitude.
** Kenneth Boulding (1944) &quot;[http://cas.umkc.edu/econ/economics/faculty/wray/631Wray/Week%207/Boulding.pdf A Liquidity Preference Theory of Market Prices]&quot;. In: ''Economica'', New Series, Vol. 11, No. 42 (May, 1944), pp. 55-63.  
** C. Brown (2003) &quot;[http://www.clt.astate.edu/crbrown/brownjpke.pdf Toward a reconcilement of endogenous money and liquidity preference]&quot; in: ''Journal of Post Keynesian Economics''. Winter 2003–4, Vol. 26, No. 2. 323 commented on this article, saying: &quot;Boulding (1944) argued that if [[:w:Market liquidity|liquidity]] preference were divorced from the &quot;demand for money,&quot; the former could come into its own as a theory of [[:w:Valuation (finance)|financial asset pricing]]. According to this view, rising liquidity preference or a &quot;wave of bearish sentiment&quot; is manifest in a shift from certain asset categories, specifically, those that are characterized by high capital uncertainty (that is, uncertainty about the future value of the asset as a result of market revaluation) to assets such as commercial paper or giltedged securities.&quot;

* The greater the penalties laid on sellers in the {{w|black market}}... the higher the black market price.
** Kenneth Boulding (1947) &quot;[http://www.jstor.org/stable/137604 A Note on the Theory of the Underground economy]&quot;. In: ''The Canadian Journal of Economics and Political Science''. Vol. 13 no.1, p. 117; quoted in: Michael York (2007) ''[http://www2.gcc.edu/dept/econ/ASSC/Papers2007/Entrepreneurial_Outlaw_York.pdf The Entrepreneurial Outlaw]'' 

* Conventions of generality and mathematical elegance may be just as much barriers to the attainment and diffusion of knowledge as may contentment with particularity and literary vagueness... It may well be that the slovenly and literary borderland between economics and sociology will be the most fruitful building ground during the years to come and that mathematical economics will remain too flawless in its perfection to be very fruitful.
** Kenneth Boulding (1948) &quot;Samuelson's Foundations: The Role of Mathematics in Economics,&quot; In: ''Journal of Political Economy'', Vol 56 (June). as cited in: Peter J. Boettke (1998) &quot;[http://publicchoice.info/Buchanan/files/boettke.htm James M. Buchanan and the Rebirth of Political Economy]&quot;. Boettke further explains &quot;Boulding's words are even more telling today than they were then as we have seen the fruits of the formalist revolution in economic theory and how it has cut economics off from the social theoretic discourse on the human condition.&quot;

==== ''Economic Analysis'', 1941 ==== 
Kenneth Boulding (1941) ''Economic Analysis''. Rev. ed.: 1947, 1948, 1971.

* [This book] is intended as a text from which the [[student]] can learn and the [[teacher]] can teach the methods and results of economic analysis. It also seeks to be a contribution to the development and systematization of the body of economic analysis itself. These purposes are not separate. The task of presenting a systematic, orderly, and accurate account of economic analysis is identical with the task of preparing the material for teaching. It must be emphasized, however, that the purpose of this work is not primarily to entertain the student, or to enable him to regurgitate appropriate material into examination books, or to learn a few pat phrases, or to indoctrinate him with an abstract discipline which he will never use. [[Economics]] is like [[photography]] in this respect, that under-exposure is less desirable than no exposure at all.
** p. xv 

[[File:Dealingroom.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''A distinguished economist, on being asked to define the subject matter of his science, once replied, &quot;Economics is what economists do&quot;.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1941&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:Black Hole Entropy (reduced).png|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''Mathematicians themselves set up standards of generality and elegance in their exposition which are a bar to understand.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1941&lt;/center&gt;]]
* A distinguished [[economist]], on being asked to define the subject matter of his science, once replied, '''&quot;[[Economics]] is what economists do.&quot;'''
** p. 3

* We have defined the main task of economic analysis as the explanation of the magnitudes of economic quantities. The student will find also that the main part of this, as of most other works on the subject, is concerned with the theory of the determination of prices, wages, interest rates, incomes, and the like. He may well inquire, therefore, in the midst of so much mathematics, whether the first task of economics is not the investigation of wealth, or welfare. Some economists have endeavored to restrict the boundaries of the science to the investigation of those quantities which are numerically measurable. Well-being, under such a restriction, would not be part of economics at all.  
** p. 7-8

* Thus we seem to be on the verge of an expansion of welfare economics into something like a social science of ethics and politics: what was intended to be a mere porch to ethics is either the whole house or nothing at all. In so laying down its life welfare [[economics]] may be able to contribute some of its insights and analytical methods to a much broader evaluative analysis of the whole social process.
** p. 34. (rev. ed. 1948) cited in: J.P. Roos (1973) ''Welfare Theory and Social Policy: A Study in Policy Science - Nummer 4''. p. 102

* [In this {{w|auction}} we may expect the article to be sold to] &quot;the most eager buyer at a price which is just about the highest he is willing to pay, for in this case the most eager buyer does not know what prices the other buyers are willing to give [and] … each buyer fear that someone may slip in ahead of him.
** p. 42 as cited in: [[Vernon L. Smith]] (1991) ''Papers in Experimental Economics''. p. 516

* '''[[Mathematicians]] themselves set up standards of generality and elegance in their exposition which are a bar to understand.'''
** p. 236 (rev. ed. 1948) cited in: G.C. Harcourt, C. Sardoni (1992) ''On Political Economists and Modern Political Economy''. Vol 4. p. 197

* A firm may be defined as an [[institution]] which buys things, transforms them in some way, and then sells them with the purpose of making a profit. The things a firm buys we shall call &quot;inputs.&quot; The things it sells we shall call &quot;outputs.&quot; The process whereby the things it buys are transformed into the things it sells we shall call the &quot;process of production.&quot; In any process of buying to sell again a process of production is always involved...
:A business, therefore, is a process whereby certain inputs, valued in dollars in some way, are transformed into outputs, also valued in dollars in some way. 
:* p. 377

* Just as there are inputs which are supplied by the owner of a business, and whose value therefore is a &quot;virtual,&quot; not an actual, expense, so there can be outputs which are consumed by the owner of a business, and whose value therefore forms.
** p. 380

* [The {{w|consumer}} is] the supreme mover of economic order... for whom all goods are made and towards whom all economic activity is directed.
** p. 613 (rev. ed. 1948) as cited in: Andrew McMeekin (2002) ''Innovation by Demand''. p. 131

* '''The process of {{w|consumption}}... is the ''final'' act in the economic drama'''
** p. 614 (rev. ed. 1948) as cited in: Andrew McMeekin (2002) ''Innovation by Demand''. p. 131

* There is reason for this shift of emphasis from any actual price to a hypothetical '[[equilibrium]]' price.  It is usually more interesting to know where a train is going than to know exactly where it is at any moment. The 'equilibrium' position of any price, wage, firm, industry, or system is the position toward which it is tending. The importance of equilibrium analysis, then, is that it enables us to discuss the directions of change. If a train is in New- York and its 'equilibrium' position is in Chicago, we are reasonably confident that the general direction of its motion will be westward, even if it unaccountably decides to travel north for the first hundred and fifty miles.
** p. 637-638 (rev. ed. 1947); cited in ''Macroeconomische theorie ingeleid en voortgezet''. Kluwer, 2006. p. 3

==== ''The theory of the firm in the last ten Years'', 1942 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1942) &quot;The theory of the firm in the last ten Years&quot; in: ''The American Economic Review''. Vol. 32, No. 4, Dec., 1942. p. 791-802

* It is probable that when future historians of economic thought look back over this century, the thirties will appear as an era of rapid development in economic theory. Not only has there been unusual activity in monetary theory,  theory of value. but extensive transformations have also been made in the basic theory of value. The outstanding publications in this field are, of course, [[Joan Robinson]]'s ''Theory of Imperfect Competition'' and [[:w:Edward Chamberlin|Chamberlin]]'s ''Theory of Monopolistic Competition'', the first produced in Cambridge, England, and the second in Cambridge, Massachusetts. These volumes mark the explicit recognition of the [[theory of the firm]] as an integral division of economic analysis upon which rests the whole fabric of [[:w:General equilibrium theory|equilibrium theory]]. General equilibrium is nothing more than the problem of the interaction of individual economic organisms, under various conditions and assumptions; as a necessary preliminary to its solution, an adequate theory of the individual organism itself is necessary.
** p. 791

* The discounting presumably is to be done for each period of time at that rate of interest which represents the alternative cost of employing capital in the occupation in question; that is, at the rate which the entrepreneur could obtain in other investments
** p. 793 cited in: Pedro Garcia Duarte (2010) &quot;[http://public.econ.duke.edu/~staff/wrkshop_papers/2009-2010_Papers/PGDuarte_Path_Through_Wilderness.pdf A Path through the Wilderness: Time Discounting in Growth Models]&quot;

* [The theory of the firm] is exactly analogous to the analysis of the reactions of a consumer by means of indifferent curves. Indeed, a consumer is merely a ‘firm’ whose product is ‘utility’.
** p. 799

* The use of [[:w:isoquant|isoquants]] to describe the production function did not develop to any great extent until the thirties.
** p. 800 cited in: P. Lloyd (2012) &quot;The Discovery of the Isoquant - History of Political Economy&quot; 

==== ''The Economics of Peace'', 1945 ==== 
Kenneth Boulding (1945) ''The Economics of Peace''. Prentice Hall. 

* The main key to the economics of the postwar world is a simple truism — that the rate of accumulation is equal to the rate of production less the rate of consumption. This is the &quot;Bathtub Theorem.&quot; Production may be likened to the flow of water from the faucet, consumption to the flow down the drain. The difference between these two flows is the rate at which the water in the bathtub - the total stockpile of all goods - is accumulating.&lt;br&gt;War drains the economic bathtub in a great waste of consumption. The first problem of reconstruction is to rebuild the stockpile. It can be rebuilt only by widening the gap between production and consumption, or, in the case of a single country, by importing more than is exported. It is difficult for a ravaged country to increase either its production or its net imports. Unless it can obtain outside help, therefore, it must suffer a drastic restriction of consumption. Frequently the only way consumption can be restricted is by inflation. Here, therefore, is the key to the most fundamental problems of reconstruction.
** Preface

* This concept of capital-rebuilding is so important that it may be desirable to digress for a moment. In the broadest sense of the word, capital means the sum total of the valuable things possessed by the individuals of a society, excluding &quot;claims,&quot; that is, mere titles to property. The word is used to mean both the inventory of these valuable things; the houses, factories, machines, livestock, stocks of raw materials, and goods in all stages of completion; and also to mean the sum of the values of these things. It should generally be clear from the context which of these two meanings is intended.
** p. 5
[[File:Trail between two fields (Slovenia, Selo pri Mirni).jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''Economic problems have no sharp edges. They shade off imperceptibly into politics, sociology, and ethics. Indeed, it is hardly an exaggeration to say that the ultimate answer to every economic problem lies in some other field.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1945&lt;/center&gt;]]
* Reconstruction is merely a special case of economic progress. If we are to understand its problems thoroughly, we must examine what is meant by economic progress and try to discover how it comes about... Economic progress is not altogether easy to define and is even more difficult to measure. Nevertheless, the phrase clearly corresponds to a meaningful idea. We have only to contrast a savage society with our own. In a savage society, the same customs, the same techniques, the same ways of doing everything, from ploughing to praying, are maintained generation after generation, son following exactly in the footsteps of his father and daughter in the footsteps of her mother, without deviating an inch from the well-trodden way. In modern civilized society, on the other hand, there is constant change and flux; we are constantly improving on the methods of our ancestors, and indeed one of the surest ways to discredit anything is to call it &quot;old-fashioned!&quot;
** p. 73 

* The {{w|profit motive}} should not be confused with the profit system. By the profit system, of course, we mean the institution of private property in capital goods and the free private enterprise that goes along with it. There is no reason why the &quot;profit motive&quot; should be necessarily connected with the profit system. In a profit system there is nothing to prevent anyone acting on altruistic lines; there is no law that says a businessman must maximize his profits. If a businessman chose to operate with outputs, prices, and wages that yielded him a smaller profit than the maximum, but which he felt were socially more desirable, there is nothing in the profit system that would prevent him from doing this. Nothing in the profit system would prevent the most ardent [[liberal]] from refusing an increase in wages, or from accepting an unpleasant and poorly paid job. At the other extreme, there is nothing in a [[communist system]] that would do away with the profit motive, or the &quot;advantage motive.&quot;
** p. 239

* '''Economic problems have no sharp edges. They shade off imperceptibly into politics, sociology, and ethics. Indeed, it is hardly an exaggeration to say that the ultimate answer to every economic problem lies in some other field.''' 
** p. 252, quoted in Leonard Silk (1976) ''The Economists''. New York: Basic Books. p. 208

=== 1950s ===
* We all, or nearly all, consent If wages rise by ten per cent It puts a choice before the nation Of unemployment or inflation. 
** Kenneth Boulding (1951) in: ''The impact of the Union: eight economic theorists evaluate the labor union movement''. John Maurice Clark &amp; David McCord Wright eds.

* I seem to have come to much of the same conclusion as you have reached, though approaching it from the direction of economics and the social sciences rather than from biology - that there is a body of what have been calling &quot;general empirical theory,&quot; or &quot;[[general system theory]]&quot; in your excellent terminology , which is of wide applicability in many different disciplines. I am sure there are many people all over the world who have come to essentially the same position that we have, but we are widely scattered and do not know each other, so difficult is it to cross the boundaries of the disciplines.  
** Kenneth Boulding (1953) in letter to Bertalanffy, cited in: [[Ludwig von Bertalanffy]] (1968)'' [[Ludwig_von_Bertalanffy#General_System_Theory.2C_1968|General System Theory]]''. p. 14

* [[Theory|Theories]] without [[fact]]s may be barren, but facts without theories are meaningless.
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: Association of American Colleges (1955) ''Liberal education''. Vol. 41, p. 430 

* The controversy as to whether socialism is possible has been settled by the fact that it exists, and it is a fundamental axiom of my philosophy, at any rate, that '''anything that exists, is possible'''.
** Kenneth Boulding (1957) ''Segments of the economy, 1956, a symposium: the Fifth Economics-in-Action Program sponsored jointly by Republic Steel Corporation and Case Institute of Technology''

* [Veblenian institutionalism was] part of a much larger movement of dissent, that includes London School Institutionalists, Oxford Antimarginalists and the German Historical School (especially its second generation. 
** Kenneth Boulding (1957) &quot;A New Look at Institutionalism&quot;. In: ''The American Economic Review'' Vol 47, no.2, p. 3 as cited in: Klimina, Anna, (2008) &quot;[http://www.accessecon.com/pubs/EB/2008/Volume2/EB-08B10002A.pdf On misuse of the term “institutionalist” in the analysis of Russian academic economics of the late 19th and early 20th centuries: the case of Michail Tugan-Baranovsky (1865-1919)]&quot; ''Economics Bulletin'', Vol. 2, No. 2 pp. 2
[[File:NeuralCorrelatesOfConsciousness2.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''There will be movement toward behavioral economics... which involves study of those aspects of men’s images, or cognitive and affective structures that are more relevant to economic decisions''.&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1958&lt;/center&gt;]]
* [There will be movement toward] behavioral economics... [which] involves study of those aspects of men’s images, or cognitive and affective structures that are more relevant to economic decisions.
** Kenneth Boulding (1958) &quot;Contemporary Economic Research&quot;.  In Donald P. Ray (ed.). ''Trends in Social Science'', pp. 9-26. as cited in: James Alm (2011) ''[http://econ.tulane.edu/RePEc/pdf/tul1102.pdf Testing Behavioral Public Economics Theories in the Laboratory]''. Working paper.
** Alm proceeds by stating: &quot;Given the essential role of psychological insights in the field, together with the obvious truism that all economics concerns “behavior” in one form or another, a more descriptive name for the field is perhaps “cognitive economics”, as recognized early on by Boulding (1958).&quot;

* [[Accounting]] for the most part, remains a legalistic and traditional practice, almost immune to self-criticism by scientific methods.
** Kenneth Boulding (1958, p. 95) as cited in: Edward Stamp, Michael J. Mumford, Ken V. Peasnell (1993) ''Philosophical Perspectives on Accounting''. p. 147

* In every field there is a need for writing where the main objective is to extend the reader's field of acquaintance with the complex cases of the real world. Such writing does not have to be very exact or quantitative; it does not even have to formulate or to demonstrate hypotheses. It constitutes, as it were, travel over the field of study. Travel is certainly not enough, even for a geographer, but we would feel, I imagine, that a geographer who had never travelled would be under a serious handicap. Similarly the student of organizations who has never, even vicariously through reading, been in a hospital, a bank, a research laboratory, a large corporation, a Soviet factory, a revolution, an Egyptian civil service department, and so on, has missed something. His generalizations are apt to be based on too narrow a selection of the field. 
** Kenneth Boulding (1958) &quot;Evidences for an Administrative Science: A review of the Administrative Science Quarterly, volumes 1 and 2&quot;. In ''Administrative Science Quarterly''. vol. 3, no. 1, pp. 1-22.as cited in: John Van Maanen (1998) ''Qualitative Studies of Organizations''. p.xx

* The thing that distinguishes social systems from physical or even biological systems is their incomparable (and embarrassing) richness in special cases. Generalizations in the social sciences are mere pathways which lead through a riotous forest of individual trees, each a species unto itself. The social scientist who loses this sense of the essential individuality and uniqueness of each case is all too likely to make a solemn scientific ass of himself, especially if he thinks that his faceless generalizations are the equivalents of the rich variety of the world.
** Boulding (1958) &quot;Evidences for an Administrative Science: A review of the Administrative Science Quarterly, volumes 1 and 2&quot;. In ''Administrative Science Quarterly''. vol. 3, no. 1, pp. 14 

==== ''A Reconstruction of Economics'', 1950 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1950) ''A Reconstruction of Economics''. J. Wiley.

* I have been gradually coming under the conviction, disturbing for a professional theorist, that '''there is no such thing as [[economics]] - there is only social science applied to economic problems.'''
** p. vii

* Reality, in its quantitative aspect, must be considered as a system of populations... The general study of the equilibria and dynamics of populations seems to have no name; but as it has probably reached its highest development in the biological study known as 'ecology,' this name may well be given to it.
** p. 5. as cited in: Robert A. Solow (1994) &quot;[http://www.jstor.org/stable/4226892 Kenneth Ewart Boulding: 1910-1993. An Appreciation]&quot;. In: ''Journal of Economic Issues''. Vol. 28, No. 4 (Dec., 1994), pp. 1187-1200
[[File:View of loch lomond.JPG|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''In calling society an ecological system we are not merely using an analogy; society is an example of the general concept of an &quot;ecosystem&quot; that is, an ecological system of which biological systems--forests, fields, swamps--are other examples.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1950&lt;/center&gt;]]
* In calling [[society]] an ecological system we are not merely using an analogy; society is an example of the general concept of an &quot;[[ecosystem]]&quot; that is, an ecological system of which biological systems--forests, fields, swamps--are other examples.
** p. 6

==== ''The Organizational Revolution: A study in the ethics of economic organization'', 1953 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1953) ''The Organizational Revolution: A Study in the Ethics of Economic Organization'', Harper &amp; Brothers. (2e ed. 1968 Chicago: Quadrangle Books)
[[File:A picture from China every day 191.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''Almost every organization... exhibits two faces — a smiling face which it turns toward its members and a frowning face which it turns to the world outside.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1953.&lt;/center&gt;]]
* Almost every organization... exhibits two faces — a smiling face which it turns toward its members and a frowning face which it turns to the world outside.
** p. 10 as cited in: Joseph T. Mahoney &amp; Anne S. Huff (1993) ''[https://ideals.illinois.edu/bitstream/handle/2142/30105/towardnewsocialc93136maho.pdf?sequence=2 Toward a New Social Contract. Theory in Organization Science]'' Faculty paper, University of Illinois at Urbana

* The organizer who creates roles, who creates the holes that will force the pegs to their shape, is a prime creator of personality itself. When we ask of a man, &quot;What is he?&quot; the answer is usually given in terms of his major role, job, or position in society; he is the place that he fills, a painter, a priest, a politician, a criminal.
** p. 80, quoted in: Paul S. Adler eds. (2009) ''The Oxford Handbook of Sociology and Organization Studies: Classical Foundations''. p. 552

* [Boulding's belief in] the immediate experience of the Holy Spirit, or Inward Light, available to every man to teach, guide, reprove, and draw him up toward goodness.
** p. 253. cited in: D.A. Latzko (1995) &quot;[http://www.personal.psu.edu/~dxl31/research/otherstuff/boulding.html Kenneth E. Boulding (18 January 1910-19 March 1993)]&quot; in: ''Proceedings of the American Philosophical Society''. 

==== ''General Systems Theory - The Skeleton of Science'', 1956 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1956). &quot;[http://www.panarchy.org/boulding/systems.1956.html General systems theory - the skeleton of science]&quot; in: ''Management Science'', Vol.2. No. 3. (April 1956), p. 197-208 Reprinted in: ''[http://www.isss.org/yearbook/1-B%20Boulding.pdf General Systems]'', Vol. 1, p. 1-10

* [[General Systems Theory]] is a name which has come into use to describe a level of theoretical model-building which lies somewhere between the highly generalized constructions of [[pure mathematics]] and the specific theories of the specialized disciplines. Mathematics attempts to organize highly general relationships into a coherent system, a system however which does not have any necessary connections with the &quot;real&quot; world around us. It studies all thinkable relationships abstracted from any concrete situation or body of empirical knowledge.
** p. 197: Opening sentences

* [[Knowledge]] is not something which exists and grows in the abstract. It is a function of human organisms and of social organization. Knowledge, that is to say, is always what somebody knows: the most perfect transcript of knowledge in writing is not knowledge if nobody knows it. Knowledge however grows by the receipt of meaningful information - that is, by the intake of messages by a knower which are capable of reorganising his knowledge.
** p. 197

* Two possible approaches to the organization of general systems theory suggest themselves, which are to be thought of as complementary rather than competitive, or at least as two roads each of which is worth exploring. The first approach is to look over the empirical universe and to pick out certain general phenomena which are found in many different disciplines, and to seek to build up general theoretical models relevant to these phenomena. The second approach is to arrange the empirical fields in a hierarchy of complexity of organization of their basic &quot;individual&quot; or unit of behavior, and to try to develop a level of abstraction appropriate to each.
** p. 200

* A second possible approach to general systems theory is through the arrangement of theoretical systems and constructs in a hierarchy of complexity, roughly corresponding to the complexity of the &quot;individuals&quot; of the various empirical fields... leading towards a &quot;system of systems.&quot;… I suggest below a possible arrangement of &quot;levels&quot; of theoretical discourse.
*:(i) The first level is that of the static structure. It might be called the level of frameworks...
*:(ii) The next level of systematic analysis is that of the simple dynamic system with predetermined, necessary motions...
*:(iii) The next level is that of the control mechanism or cybernetic system, which might be nicknamed the level of the ''thermostat''... 
*:(iv) The fourth level is that of the &quot;open system,&quot; or self-maintaining structure...
*:(v) The fifth level might be called the genetic~societal level; it is typified by the ''plant'', and it dominates the empirical world of the botanist.
*:(vi) … the &quot;animal&quot; level, characterized by increased mobility, [[teleological]] behavior and self-awareness... 
*:(vii) The next level is the &quot;human&quot; level, that is of the individual human being considered as a system... 
*:(viii) Because of the vital importance for the individual man of symbolic images and behavior based on them it is not easy to separate clearly the level of the individual human organism from the next level, that of social organizations...
*:(ix) To complete the structure of systems we should add a final turret for transcendental systems...
** p. 200-201

* One advantage of exhibiting a hierarchy of systems in this way is that it gives us some idea of the present gaps in both theoretical and empirical [[knowledge]]. Adequate theoretical models extend up to about the fourth level, and not much beyond. Empirical knowledge is deficient at practically all levels.
** p. 201, quoted in: John P. Cole, Cuchlaine A. M. King (1969) ''Quantitative geography: techniques and theories in geography''. p. 575

==== ''The Image: Knowledge in Life and Society'', 1956 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1951) ''The Image: Knowledge in Life and Society''. Ann Arbor: The University of Michigan Press (2e ed. 1961)

* As I sit at my desk, I know where I am. I see before me a window; beyond that some trees; beyond that the red roofs of the campus of Stanford University; beyond them the trees and the roof tops which mark the town of Palo Alto; beyond them the bare golden hills of the Hamilton Range... beyond that other mountains, range upon range, until we come to the Rockies; beyond that the Great Plains and the Mississippi; beyond that the Alleghenies; beyond that the eastern seaboard; beyond that the Atlantic Ocean; beyond that is Europe; beyond that is Asia. I know, furthermore, that if I go far enough I will come back to where I am now. In other words, I have a picture of the earth as round. I visualize it as a globe. I am a little hazy on some of the details... I probably could not draw a very good map of Indonesia, but I have a fair idea where everything is located on the face of this globe. Looking further, I visualize the globe as a small speck circling around a bright star which is the sun, in the company of many other similar specks, the planets. Looking still further, I see our star the sun as a member of millions upon millions of others in the Galaxy. Looking still further, I visualize the Galaxy as one of millions upon millions of others in the universe.
** p. 3 Introduction
[[File:Honeywell thermostat.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''Even the mechanism can be endowed with an image. Thus... the thermostat has an image of the outside world in the shape of information regarding its temperature.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1956&lt;/center&gt;]]
* What I have been talking about is [[knowledge]]. Knowledge, perhaps, is not a good word for this. Perhaps one would rather say my image of the world. Knowledge has an implication of validity, of truth. What I am talking about is what I believe to be true; my subjective knowledge. It is this Image that largely governs my behavior. In about an hour I shall rise, leave my office, go to a car, drive down to my home, play with the children, have supper, perhaps read a book, go to bed. I can predict this behavior with a fair degree to accuracy because of the knowledge which I have: the knowledge that I have a home not far away, to which I am accustomed to go. The prediction, of course, may not be fulfilled. There may be an earthquake, I may have an accident with the car on the way home, I may get home to find that my family has been suddenly called away. A hundred and one things may happen. As each event occurs, however, it alters my knowledge structure or my image. And as it alters my image, I behave accordingly. The first proposition of this work, therefore, is that behavior depends on the image.
** p. 5 

* [Even the mechanism can be endowed with an image. Thus] the thermostat has an image of the outside world in the shape of information regarding its temperature. It has also a value system in the sense of the ideal temperature at which it is set. Its behavior is directed towards the receipt of information which will bring its image and its value systems together
** p. 22 as cited in: Robert A. Solo (1994) &quot;[http://www.jstor.org/stable/4226892 Kenneth Ewart Boulding: 1910-1993. An Appreciation]&quot;. In: ''Journal of Economic Issues''. Vol. 28, No. 4 (Dec., 1994), pp. 1187-1200

* The human being, on the other hand, is firmly located in a temporal process. He has an image of the past which extends back far beyond the limits of his own life and experience, and he likewise has an image of the future. Closely associated with the time structure of his image is the image of the structure of relationships. Because we are aware of time, we are also aware of cause and effect, of contiguity and succession, of cycles and repetition. The image of man is also characterized by a much greater degree of self-consciousness and of self-awareness than that of the lower animals. We not only know, but we know that we know. This reflective character of the human image is unique, and is what leads to philosophy. 
** p. 25

* Because of his capacity for abstract communications and language and his ability to enter in imagination into the lives of others, man is able to build organizations of a size and complexity far beyond those of the lower animals.
** p. 26 quoted in: ''Research in Ethical Issues in Organizations - Volume 1'' (1999). p. 159

* The basic bond of any society, culture, subculture, or organization is 'a public image.
** p. 64, cited in: Carl H. Botan, Vincent Hazleton (2006) ''Public Relations Theory Two''. p. 349. Botan &amp; Hazleton explain: &quot;Citizens have particular images (or conceptions) of their own nation in relations to other nations, and those images reflect specific values and emotions. People in one nation make attributions about those living in other nations even when they have not visited a particular country. When individuals discuss their personal images with others, they contribute to the creation of public images. The public images of nation-states emanate from a “universe of discourse” (Boulding, 1956, p. 15).&quot;

* If a totally new image is to come into being however, there must be sensitivity to internal messages, the image itself must be sensitive to change, must be unstable, and it must include a value image which places high value on trials, experiments, and the trying of new things.
** p. 94 as cited in: Richard Arena, Agnés Festrè, Nathalie Lazaric (2012) ''Handbook of Economics and Knowledge''. p. 138

* In this chapter I want to raise the question partly in jest but partly also in seriousness whether the concept of the image cannot become the abstract foundation of a new science, or at least a cross-disciplinary specialization. As I am indulging in the symbolic communication of an image of images I will even venture to give the science a name — Eiconics — hoping thereby to endow it in the minds of my readers with some of the prestige of classical antiquity. I run some risk perhaps of having my new science confused with the study of icons. A little confusion, however, and the subtle overtones of half-remembered associations are all part of the magic of the name.
** p. 128
** Robert A. Solo (1994) commented: &quot;Curiously, and quite independently of the publication of the ''The Image'', there did occur in the 1950s and in the decades that followed a revolutionary transformation of the social and behavioral sciences associated with the term {{w|structuralism}}, which hinged on the concept and study of the image (call it cognitive structure, or paradigm, or episteme, or ideology). This was the case in the work of [[Jean Piaget]] in psychology, of [[Thomas Kuhn]] and [[Michael Foucault]] in the history and philosophy of science, of [[Noam Chomsky]] in linguistics, of [[Claude Levi Strauss]] in anthropology, and others. Though The Image was the first and in my view by far the finest American structuralist essay, it had no visible impact on economics... The economist's image of his world is alas very difficult to penetrate and even more difficult to change.&quot;

==== ''The Skills of the Economist'', 1958 ====
Kenneth Ewart Boulding (1958) ''The Skills of the Economist'' Cleveland: Howard Allen.

* There is something, however humble, which can properly be called skill among those who recognise themselves as economists.
** p. 4; quoted in Andrew Mearman (2011) &quot;[http://www.ntu.ac.uk/nbs/document_uploads/109014.pdf Three cheers for Kenneth Boulding!]&quot;, who further commented: &quot;Boulding (1958) defined economics in terms of what economists are or, from Viner, what economists do. Further, Boulding holds that there are skills which are unique to economists.&quot;  
[[File:Fotothek df roe-neg 0006325 003 Artist Bälle auf einem Messer balancierend.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''The ability to work with systems of general equilibrium is perhaps one of the most important skills of the economist''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1958&lt;/center&gt;]]
* It is important to realize that the exercise of any skill depends on the ability to create an abstract system of some kind out of the totality of the world around us. For instance, the carpenter is not interested in wood as a biological or chemical entity. He is sensitive to many of its grosser physical properties but not to many subtler ones. The wood of a carpenter is not the real — that is, the complete substance — but merely wood as a material on which the carpenter can exercise his skill.
** p. 9

* [The notion of [[equilibrium]] ] is a notion which can be employed usefully in varying degrees of looseness. It is an absolutely indispensable part of the toolbag of the economist and one which he can often contribute usefully to other sciences which are occasionally apt to get lost in the trackless exfoliations of purely dynamic systems.
** p. 14 

* The ability to work with systems of general equilibrium is perhaps one of the most important skills of the economist — a skill which he shares with many other scientists, but in which he has perhaps a certain comparative advantage.
** p. 15

* It is clear that the building of models is not a purely mechanical process but requires skill of a high order – not merely mathematical skill but a sensitivity to the relative importance of different factors and a critical, almost an artistic, faculty in the selection of behaviour equations which are reasonable, tentative hypotheses in explaining the behaviour of actual economies.
** p. 16-17 as cited in Andrew Mearman (2011).

* One of the most important skills of the economist, therefore, is that of simplification of the model. Two important methods of simplification have been developed by economists. One is the method of partial equilibrium analysis (or [[microeconomics]]), generally associated with the name of [[Alfred Marshall]] and the other is the method of aggregation (or macro-economics), associated with the name of [[John Maynard Keynes]].
** p. 19 

* Without the heroic, man has no meaning; without the economic, he has no sense. Economic man is most likely to be economic woman — a good wife, pulling the coat tails of her heroic husband, checking his extravagances of speech and action with words of caution and good sense. But without the heroic coat tails to pull, life for both of them would be dull and savorless indeed.
** p. 183

==== ''Principles of economic policy'', 1958 ==== 
Kenneth Boulding (1958) ''Principles of economic policy''

* The word 'policy' generally refers to the principles that govern action directed towards given ends. Any study of policy therefore should concern itself with three things — what we want (the ends), how we get it (the means), and who are 'we,' that is, what is the nature of the organization or group concerned. Science is concerned with means rather than with ends. The study of &quot;what we want&quot; (objectives) extends beyond the boundaries of the social sciences into the field of ethics. It is not the business of the social sciences to evaluate the ultimate ends of human activity. The social sciences, therefore, cannot give a final answer to the question whether any given policy is right. The social scientist can study what people say they want, what they think they want and may even infer from their behaviour what they really want, but it is not the business of science to say whether people want right things.
** p. 1-2
[[File:Hek Raaphorst.JPG|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''Private property is a means, and neither its abolition nor its unrestricted right should be an end in itself''.&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1958&lt;/center&gt;]]
* Economic progress... means the discovery and application of better ways of doing things to satisfy our wants. The piping of water to a household that previously dragged it from a well, the growing of two blades of grass where one grew before, the development of a power loom that enables one man to weave ten times as much as he could before, the use of steam power and electric power instead of horse or human power — all these things clearly represent economic progress.
** p. 23 
** ''Remark:'' Kenneth Boulding gave the same example in his 1945 ''The economics of peace'', p. 74

* Justification, in terms of the broadening of freedom, for any particular form of institution of property must be argued in terms of whether the losses caused by the restrictions imposed are greater or less than the gains derived from the elimination of costly conflict.
** p. 119 cited in: Warren J. Samuels, James M. Buchanan (2007) ''The Legal-Economic Nexus''. p. 54

* Private property is a means, and neither its abolition nor its unrestricted right should be an end in itself
** p. 400

==== ''National images and international systems'', 1959 ==== 
Kenneth Boulding (1959) &quot;National images and international systems&quot;. In: ''The Journal of Conflict Resolution''. Vol. 3, No. 2 (Jun., 1959), pp. 120-131

* An international system consists of a group of interacting behavior units called &quot;nations&quot; or &quot;countries,&quot; to which may sometimes be added certain supra-national organizations, such as the United Nations. Each of the behavior units in the system can be described in terms of a set of &quot;relevant variables.&quot; Just what is relevant and what is not is a matter of judgment of the system-builder, but we think of such things as states of war or peace, degrees of hostility or friendliness, alliance or enmity, arms budgets, geographic extent, friendly or hostile communications, and so on. Having defined our variables, we can then proceed to postulate certain relationships between them, sufficient to define a path for all the variables through time. Thus we might suppose, with [[:w:Lewis Fry Richardson|Lewis Richardson]] that the rate of change of hostility of one nation toward a second depends on the level of hostility in the second and that the rate of change of hostility of the second toward the first depends on the level of hostility of the first. Then, if we start from given levels of hostility in each nation, these equations are sufficient to spell out what happens to these levels in succeeding time periods.
** p. 120-121

* Nations are divided into &quot;good&quot;and &quot;bad&quot;-the enemy is all bad, one's own nation is of spotless virtue. Wars are either acts of God or acts of the other nations, which always catch us completely by surprise. To a student of international systems the national image even of respectable, intellectual, and powerful people seems naive and untrue. The patriotism of the sophisticated cannot be a simple faith. There is, however, in the course of human history a powerful and probably irreversible movement toward sophistication. We can wise up, but we cannot wise down, except at enormous cost in the breakdown of civilizations, and not even a major breakdown results in much loss of knowledge.
** p. 131

=== 1960s ===
* In spite of the moderate usefulness of what the economist has to say on this subject... there is a cry for a cultural anthropologist or even a psychologist when the economist runs into sacred cows, extended families, traditional motivations, levels of achievement, and social morale, all of which may be more important to economic development than any of the traditional economic variables. We still await a true synthesis of the insights of economics with those of other social sciences in the area 
** Kenneth Boulding (1961). &quot;Contemporary economic research: . In Donald P. Ray (Ed.) ''Trends in social science''. p..19 cited in: Erik Angner &amp; George Loewenstein (2006) ''[http://www.cmu.edu/dietrich/sds/docs/loewenstein/BehavioralEconomics.pdf Behavioral Economics]''

* In view of the importance of philanthropy in our society, it is surprising that so little attention has been given to it by economic or social theorists. In economic theory, especially, the subject is almost completely ignored. This is not, I think, because economists regard mankind as basically selfish or even because economic man is supposed to act only in his self-interest; it is rather because economics has essentially grown up around the phenomenon of exchange and its theoretical structure rests heavily on this process.
** Kenneth Boulding (1962) &quot;[http://www.nber.org/chapters/c1992.pdf Notes on a Theory of Philanthropy]&quot; in: ''Philanthropy and Public Policy''. Frank G. Dickinson, ed., New York, National Bureau of Economic Research.

* We face the dilemma... that if everyone gets his deserts, some may be driven from the table: and if everyone comes to the table, some may not get their deserts. In practice, this seems to be resolved by the establishment of a social minimum as reflected for instance, in the poor law, in social security and various welfare services. The principle of desert come into play above this social minimum. That is to say, society lays a modest table at which all can sup and a high table at which the deserving can feast
** Boulding (1962) &quot;Social Justice in Social Dynamics&quot;, in: R.B. Brandt, ed. ''Social Justice''. Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey: Prentice Hall. p. 83 as cited in: Toril Aalberg (2003) ''Achieving Justice: Comparative Public Opinion on Income Distribution''. p. 33 
[[File:NASA-Apollo8-Dec24-Earthrise.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''In the imagination of those who are sensitive to the realities of our era, the earth has become a space ship, and this, perhaps, is the most important single fact of our day.''&lt;br&gt; - Kenneth Boulding, 1965&lt;/center&gt;]]
* In the imagination of those who are sensitive to the realities of our era, the earth has become a space ship, and this, perhaps, is the most important single fact of our day. For millennia, the earth in men's minds was flat and illimitable. Today, as a result of exploration, speed, and the explosion of scientific knowledge, earth has become a tiny sphere, closed, limited, crowded, and hurtling through space to unknown destinations. This change in man's image of his home affects his behaviour in many ways, and is likely to affect it much more in the future.
** Kenneth Boulding (1965) ''[http://earthmind.net/earthmind/docs/boulding-1965.pdf Earth as a Spaceship]'' Lecture May 10, 1965, Washington State University, Committee on Spaces Sciences

* A somewhat casual observer from outer space might well deduce that the course of evolution in this planet had produced a species of large four-wheeled bugs with detachable brains; peculiar animals which rested when they sent their brains away from them but performed in rather predictable manner when their brains were recalled.
** Kenneth Boulding (1966) ''Economics and Ecology''. p. 225

* The concept of need is often looked upon rather unfavorably by economists, in contrast with the concept of demand. Both, however, have their own strengths and weaknesses. The need concept is criticized as being too mechanical, as denying the autonomy and individuality of the human person, and as implying that the human being is a machine which &quot;needs&quot; fuel in the shape of food, engine dope in the shape of medicine, and spare parts provided by the surgeon. 
** Kenneth Boulding (1967) &quot;The Concept of Need for Health Services&quot; in: ''The Milbank Memorial Fund Quarterly''. Vol. 44, No. 4, Part 2, pp. 202

* One demand for a concept of need arises because the concept of demand itself has serious weaknesses and limitations. It assumes away, for instance, a serious epistemological problem. The very idea of autonomous choice implies first that the chooser knows the real alternatives which are open to him, and second that he makes the choice according to value criteria or a utility function which he will not later regret. Both the image of the field of choice and the utility function have a learning problem which, by and large, economists have neglected. This problem is particularly acute in the case of medical care, where the demander is usually a layman faced with professional suppliers who know very much more than he does. The demand for medical care, indeed, is primarily a demand for knowledge or at least the results of knowledge...
** Kenneth Boulding (1967) &quot;The Concept of Need for Health Services&quot; as cited in: Gregory Parston (1980) ''Planners, Politics, and Health Services''. p. 99

==== ''Conflict and defense: A general theory'', 1962 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1964) ''Conflict and defense: A general theory'' 

* It seems reasonable to suppose that conflict does exhibit many general patterns, that the patterns of conflict in industrial relations, international relations, interpersonal relations, and even animal life are not wholly different from one another, and that it is, therefore, worth looking for the common element. On the other hand, we should be surprised if there were no differences; the pattern of conflict in international relations, for instance, is not the same as in industrial or interpersonal relations. Just as it is important to perceive the similarities in different situations, so it is important to perceive the differences. These differences cannot be perceived, however, without a general theory to serve as a standard of comparison.
** p. 2, partly cited in: Dennis Sandole (1998) ''[http://www.gmu.edu/programs/icar/pcs/sandole.htm A Comprehensive Mapping Of Conflict And Conflict. Resolution: A Three Pillar Approach]''
[[File:Final Trophee Monal 2012 n08.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''Conflict may be defined as a situation of competition in which the parties are aware of the incompatibility of potential future positions, and in which each party wishes to occupy a position that is incompatible with the wishes of the other.''&lt;br&gt; - Kenneth Boulding, 1963&lt;/center&gt;]]
* Before we can proceed to a formal definition of conflict we must examine another concept, that of behavior space. The position of a behavior unit at a moment of time is defined by a set of values (subset, to be technical) of a set of variables that defines the behavior unit. These variables need not be continuous or quantitatively measurable. The different values of a variable must, however, be capable of simple ordering; that is, of any two values it must be possible to say that one is 'after' (higher, lefter, brighter than) the other.
** p. 3
** Peace Science Society (International) (1975) ''Papers - Volumes 24-29''. p. 53 summarized: &quot;Boulding begins by explaining what he believes are the four basic concepts to describe a conflict in an analytical way : (1) the party; (2) the behavior space; (3) competition; (4) conflict.&quot;

* Conflict may be defined as a situation of competition in which the parties are aware of the incompatibility of potential future positions, and in which each party wishes to occupy a position that is incompatible with the wishes of the other.
** p. 5 

* [The loss- of-strength gradient is] the degree to which military and political power diminishes as we move a unit distance away from its home base.
** p. 245
** According to Marike Finlay (1987) ''Powermatics: A Discursive Critique of New Technology''. p. 200 with this statement &quot;Kenneth Boulding has shown, the extent of control is a function of loss-of-strength gradient of a political centre.&quot;

* A distinction does not have to be clear to be important, and, at some point, there is a common-sense dividing line between procedural and violent conflict. Violence is most closely associated with conquest as a form of conflict settlement, though violence is descriptive of a conflict process rather than of a conflict settlement. It is quite possible, for instance, for conquest to be nonviolent, that is, for one party to be absorbed in another or for one organization to be dissolved by strictly procedural means. Departments are organized out of existence, countries are federated or united, organizations are laid down, and firms are bankrupted by purely procedural processes, without more than perhaps a trace of legal coercion lurking in the background.
** p. 323

==== ''The meaning of the twentieth century: the great transition'', 1964 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1964) ''The Meaning of the Twentieth Century: The Great Transition'' 

* Another indication of the magnitude of the present transition is the fact that, as far as many statistical series related to activities of mankind are concerned, the date that divides human history into two equal parts is well within living memory.
** p. 7 

* The success of Japanese development is due simply to the fact that Japan devoted a substantial portion of its resources to the growth industry, and particularly to the human resources'' and then commended Max Weber's emphasis on ''hard work and thrift.&lt;br&gt; All the law and the prophets of economic development can be summed up in the old proverb that &quot;where there's a will there's a way&quot;. The way indeed is absurdly easy and is well known. It consists merely in putting resources into growth. What could be simpler and easier! the problem however, is the will, and this. I think, we understand very little. The whole cultural milieu of society plays a role in the process of developing its will, and it is hard to separate the determining factors. A widespread puritan ethic, as [[Max Weber]] pointed out, is undoubtedly an asset, if this leads people to place a high value on hard work and thrift. On the other hand, puritanism often goes along with a resistance to social change and an unwillingness to innovate outside a narrow field of technology, and thrift alone can often lead to uncreative forms of accumulation or even to unemployment and depression. Mere accumulation is not enough. '''Economic development does not consist merely in the piling up of things, but in the accumulation of new kinds of things'''.
** p. 116. partly cited in: {{w|Deirdre McCloskey}} (2013) &quot;[http://www.deirdremccloskey.com/editorials/boulding.php What Boulding Said Went Wrong with Economics, A Quarter Century On]&quot;

* It is an [[arithmetic]], moreover, which cannot be denied even though we nearly all try to deny it. The arithmetic is simply this: Any positive rate of growth whatever eventually carries a human population to an unacceptable magnitude, no matter how small the rate of growth may be unless the rate of population growth can be reduced to zero before the population reaches an unacceptable magnitude. There is a famous theorem in economics, one which I call the dismal theorem, which states that if the only thing which can check the growth of population is starvation and misery, then the population will grow until it is sufficiently miserable and starving to check its growth. There is a second, even worse theorem which I call the utterly dismal theorem. It says that if the only thing which can check the growth of population is starvation and misery, then the ultimate result of any technological improvement is to enable a larger number of people to live in misery than before and hence to increase the total sum of human misery.
** p. 126
[[File:Man-inside-note-head.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''the epistemological question... I am particularly concerned here is that of the role of knowledge in social systems, both as a product of the past and as a determinant of the future.''&lt;br&gt; - Kenneth Boulding, 1966&lt;/center&gt;]]

==== ''The economics of knowledge and the knowledge of economics'', 1966 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1966) &quot;[http://seminaritaifa.org/descarregues/Institucionalistes/Boulding.pdf The economics of knowledge and the knowledge of economics]&quot;. in: ''American Economic Review'', May 16. p. 1-13.

* What might be called, perhaps somewhat grandiloquently, the Epistemological Question has  received rather scant attention at the hands of economists. There are, of course, a number of epistemological questions, some of which lie more in the province of the philosopher than they do the economist or the social scientist. The one with which I am particularly concerned here is that of the role of knowledge in social systems, both as a product of the past and as a determinant of the future. 
** p. 1, cited in: Brian Chi-ang Lin (2007) &quot;[http://newdoc.nccu.edu.tw/teasyllabus/205016255002/JOES%20(July%202007).pdf A New Vision of the Knowledge Economy]&quot; 

* There are, of course, a number of epistemological questions, some of which lie more in the province of the philosopher than they do the economist or the social scientist. The one with which I am particularly concerned here is that of the role of knowledge in social systems, both as a product of the past and as a determinant of the future.
** p. 1

*Economists can take a good deal of credit for the stabilization policies which have been followed in most Western countries since 1945 with considerable success. It is easy to generate a euphoric and self-congratulatory mood when one compares the twenty years after the first World War, 1919-39, with the twenty years after the second, 1945-65. The first twenty years were a total failure; the second twenty years, at least as far as economic policy is concerned, have been a modest success. We have not had any great depression; we have not had any serious financial collapse; and on the whole we have had much higher rates of development in most parts of the world than we had in the 1920’s and 1930’s, even though there are some conspicuous failures. Whether the unprecedented rates of economic growth of the last twenty years, for instance in Japan and Western Europe, can be attributed to economics, or whether they represent a combination of good luck in political decision making with the expanding impact of the natural and biological sciences on the economy, is something we might argue. I am inclined to attribute a good deal to good luck and non-economic forces, but not all of it, and even if economics only contributed 10 percent, this would amount to a very handsome rate of return indeed, considering the very small amount of resources we have really put into economics.
** p. 9

==== ''The Economics of the Coming Spaceship Earth'', 1966 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1966) &quot;[http://arachnid.biosci.utexas.edu/courses/THOC/Readings/Boulding_SpaceshipEarth.pdf The Economics of the Coming Spaceship Earth]&quot;. In H. Jarrett (ed.) 1966. ''Environmental Quality in a Growing Economy''. pp. 3-14. 

* We are now in the middle of a long process of transition in the nature of the image which man has of himself and his environment. Primitive men, and to a large extent also men of the early civilizations, imagined themselves to be living on a virtually illimitable plane. There was almost always somewhere beyond the known limits of human habitation, and over a very large part of the time that man has been on earth, there has been something like a frontier...&lt;br&gt;Gradually, however, man has been accustoming himself to the notion of the spherical earth and a closed sphere of human activity. A few unusual spirits among the ancient Greeks perceived that the earth was a sphere. It was only with the circumnavigations and the geographical explorations of the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, however, that the fact that the earth was a sphere became at all widely known and accepted. Even in the thirteenth century, the commonest map was [[Gerardus Mercator|Mercator]]'s projection, which visualizes the earth as an illimitable cylinder, essentially a plane wrapped around the globe, and it was not until the Second World War and the development of the air age that the global nature of tile planet really entered the popular imagination. Even now we are very far from having made the moral, political, and psychological adjustments which are implied in this transition from the illimitable plane to the closed sphere.
** p. 3

* The closed economy of the future might similarly be called the 'spaceman' economy, in which the earth has become a single spaceship, without unlimited reservoirs of anything, either for extraction or for pollution, and in which, therefore, man must find his place in a cyclical ecological system
** p. 8 
[[File:Descartes diagram transparent.png|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''It is absurd to suppose we can think of nature as a system apart from knowledge, for it is knowledge that is increasingly determining the course of nature''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1968&lt;/center&gt;]]
* The essential measure of the success of the economy is not production and consumption at all, but the nature, extent, quality, and complexity of the total capital stock, including in this the state of the human bodies and minds included in the system. In the spaceman economy, what we are primarily concerned with is stock maintenance, and any technological change which results in the maintenance of a given total stock with a lessened throughput (that is, less production and consumption) is clearly a gain. This idea that both production and consumption are bad things rather than good things is very strange to economists, who have been obsessed with tile income-flow concepts to the exclusion, almost, of capital-stock concepts.
** p. 9-10 as cited in: Mark W. W. McElroy, J.M.L. M. L. van van Engelen (2012) ''Corporate Sustainability Management''.

==== ''Beyond Economics: Essays on Society'', 1968 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1968) ''Beyond Economics: Essays on Society, Religion, and Ethics''. University of Michigan Press. (2e ed. 1970)

* It is absurd to suppose we can think of nature as a system apart from knowledge, for it is knowledge that is increasingly determining the course of nature
** p. 141 as cited in John Laurent (2003) ''Evolutionary Economics and Human Nature''. p. 175

* It [knowledge] is clearly related to information, which we can now measure; and an economist especially is tempted to regard knowledge as a kind of capital structure, corresponding to information as an income flow. Knowledge, that is to say, is some kind of improbable structure or stock made up essentially of patterns — that is, improbable arrangements, and the more improbable the arrangements, we might suppose, the more knowledge there is. 
** p. 142

* The idea of knowledge as an improbable structure is still a good place to start. Knowledge, however, has a dimension which goes beyond that of mere information or improbability. This is a dimension of significance which is very hard to reduce to quantitative form. Two knowledge structures might be equally improbable but one might be much more significant than the other.
** p. 142 

==== ''Economics As A Moral Science'', 1969 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1969) &quot;[http://mx.nthu.edu.tw/~cshwang/teaching-economics/econ5005/Short-papers/Boulding-KE=Economics%20as%20a%20Moral%20Science.pdf Economics As A Moral Science]&quot;. In: ''American Economic Review'' March 1969, 59 (1), p. 1-12 .

* Let me first explain, then, what I mean by moral and moral science. A moral or ethical proposition, is a statement about a rank order of preference among alternatives, which is intended to apply to more than one person. A preference which applies to one person only is a taste. Statements of this kind are often called &quot;value judgments.&quot; If someone says, &quot;I prefer A to B,&quot; this is a personal value judgment, or a taste. If he says, &quot;A is better than B,&quot; there is an implication that he expects other people to prefer A to B also, as well as himself. A moral proposition then is a &quot;common value&quot;.
** p. 1
[[File:AdamSmith1790b.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''[[Adam Smith]], who has strong claim to being both the Adam and the Smith of systematic economics, was a professor of moral philosophy and it was at that forge that economics was made.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1969&lt;/center&gt;]]
* No science of any kind can be divorced from ethical considerations... Science is a human learning process which arises in certain subcultures in human society and not in others, and a subculture as we seen is a group of people defined by acceptance of certain common values, that is, an ethic which permits extensive communication between them.
** p. 2 cited in: John B. Davis (2011) ''[http://epublications.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1011&amp;context=econ_workingpapers Kenneth Boulding as a Moral Scientist]'' Working paper

* The concept of a value-free science is absurd.
** p. 4 cited in: John B. Davis (2011)

* [[Adam Smith]], who has strong claim to being both the Adam and the Smith of systematic [[economics]], was a professor of moral philosophy and it was at that forge that economics was made.  Even when I was a student, economics was still part of the moral sciences tripos at Cambridge University.  It can claim to be a moral science, therefore, from its origin, if for no other reason. Nevertheless, for many economists the very term “moral science” will seem like a contradiction.  We are strongly imbued today with the view that science should be wertfrei and we believe that '''science has achieved its triumph precisely because it has escaped the swaddling clothes of moral judgment and has only been able to take off into the vast universe of the “is” by escaping from the treacherous launching pad of the “ought.”''' Even economics, we learn in the history of thought, only became a science by escaping from the casuistry and moralizing of medieval thought.
** p. 12

* Every culture, or subculture, is defined by a set of common values, that is, generally agreed upon preferences.  Without a core of common values a culture cannot exist, and we classify society into cultures and subcultures precisely because it is possible to identify groups who have common values.
** p. 12 

* Even personal tastes are learned, in the matrix of a culture or a subculture in which we grow up, by very much the same kind of process by which we learn our common values. Purely personal tastes, indeed, can only survive in a culture which tolerates them, that is, which has a common value that private tastes of certain kinds should be allowed.
** p. 12

=== 1970s ===
* There is a kind of second law of [[culture|cultural]] dynamics which states simply that when anything has been done, it cannot be done again.  In other words, we start off any system with a potential for novelty which is gradually exhausted. We see this in every field of human life, in the arts as well as the sciences. Once Beethoven has written the Ninth Symphony, nobody else can do it. Consequently, we find that '''in any evolutionary process, even in the arts, the search for novelty becomes corrupting.''' The &quot;entropy trap&quot; is perhaps the most subtle and the most fundamental of the obstacles toward realising the developed society...
** Kenneth Boulding (1970) &quot;The Science Revelation&quot;. In: ''Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists''. (Sept 1970) Vol. 26, nr. 7. p. 16

* Perhaps the most difficult ethical [[problem]] of the scientific community arises not so much from conflict with other subcultures as from its own success. '''Nothing fails like success because we don't learn from it. We learn only from failure.'''
** Kenneth Boulding (1971) &quot;The diminishing returns of science&quot; in: ''New Scientist''. (March 25, 1971) Vol. 49, nr. 744. p. 682 

* The organization of science into disciplines sets up a series of ghettos with remarkable distances of artificial social space between them.
** Kenneth Boulding (1973) ''Image and Environment''. p. ix  

* The human condition can almost be summed up in the observation that, whereas all experiences are of the past, all decisions are about the future. It is the great task of human [[knowledge]] to bridge this gap and to find those patterns in the past which can be projected into the future as realistic images.
** Kenneth Boulding in the foreword of: [[Fred Polak]] (1972) ''[http://storyfieldteam.pbworks.com/f/the-image-of-the-future.pdf The image of the future]'', p. V  

* The troubles of the 20th century are not unlike those of adolescence -- rapid growth beyond the ability of organizations to manage, uncontrollable emotion, and a desperate search for identity. Out of adolescence, however, comes maturity in which physical growth with all its attendant difficulties comes to an end, but in which growth continues in knowledge, in spirit, in community, and in love; it is to this that we look forward as a human race. This goal, once seen with our eyes, will draw our faltering feet toward it.
** Kenneth Boulding, 1973, p. 21 as cited in: Donald W. Cole (1983) ''Conflict resolution technology''. p. 5

* '''Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an [[economist]].'''
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: United States. Congress. House (1973) ''Energy reorganization act of 1973: Hearings, Ninety-third Congress, first session, on H.R. 11510''. p. 248 

* My first acquaintance with the work of Dr. [[Fred Polak]] came in the year 1954–5, when we were both fellows at the new ''Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences'' at Stanford. Dr. and Mrs. Polak lived in a little house at the back of the garden of the house that the Bouldings rented and participated very cheerfully in the life of the Bouldings and their four young children. Many exciting things came out of that year at Stanford, such as the ''Society for General Systems Research'' and the ''Journal of Conflict Resolution''. But looking back on the expérience after nearly twenty years, I think the most important impact on the thought of both Elise Boulding and myself were the many conversations that we had with the Polaks around the dining table and in the garden.
** Kenneth Boulding (1973) in: Foreword of ''The Image of the Future'' by [[Fred Polak]]. 

* [The historical] development in the international system may almost be defined as the process by which we pass from stable war to stable peace.
** Kenneth Boulding (1975), ''International Systems: Peace, Conflict Resolution, and Politics''. p. 375 as cited in: Bjørn Møller, Håkan Wiberg (1994) ''Non-offensive defence for the twenty-first century''. p. 36

* Knowledge exists in minds, not in books. Before what has been found can be used by practitioners, someone must organize it, integrate it, extract the message
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding (1976) in John T. Partington, Terry Orlick, John H. Salmela (1982) ''Sport in perspective''. p. 94

* They, economics and evolution, are both examples of a larger process, which has been at work in this part of the universe for a very long time. This is the process of the development of structures of increasing complexity and improbability. The evolutionary process always operates through mutation and selection and has involved some distinction between the genotype which mutates and the phenotype which is selected. The process by which the genotype constructs the phenotype may be described as &quot;organization&quot;. Economic development manifesto itself largely in the production of commodities, that is, goods and services. It originates, however, in ideas, plans, and attitudes in the human mind. These are the genotypes in economic development. This whole process indeed can be described as a process in the growth of knowledge. What the economist calls &quot;capital&quot; is nothing more than human knowledge imposed on the material world. Knowledge and the growth of knowledge, therefore, is the essential key to economic development. Investment, financial systems and economic organizations and institutions are in a sense only the machinery by which a knowledge process is created and expressed.
** Kenneth Boulding (1977) ''Economic Development as an Evolutionary System, Fifth World Congress of the International Economic Association, Tokyo, Aug.-Sept. 1977''. 

* [The question for the behavioral disciplines is simply] what is better, and how do we get there?
** Kenneth Boulding (1977) as cited in: Association for Humanist Sociology US (1997) ''Humanity &amp; society''. Vol.21, p. 56 

* If there is one idea that has dominated the history of the United States, it is the idea of progress. Yet analyses of this idea are surprisingly rare. Furthermore, in spite of having been founded by a rather small revolution, the dominant dynamic of the United States has been evolutionary, through social mutation (invention), production, and selection. In this paper, therefore, I propose to look at the larger question of the nature of evolutionary change, and the conditions under which change can be identified as progress.
** Kenneth Boulding et all. (1978) ''[https://kb.osu.edu/dspace/bitstream/handle/1811/6209/FROM_ABUNDANCE_TO_SCARCITY_IMPLICATIONS_FOR_THE_AMERICA.pdf?sequence=1 From Abundance to Scarcity Implications for the American Tradition]''

==== ''Economics As a Science'', 1970 ====
Kenneth E. Boulding (1970) ''Economics As a Science''. McGraw-Hill (2e ed. 1988)

*  It is almost as hard to define mathematics as it is to define economics, and one is tempted to fall back on the famous old definition attributed to {{w|Jacob Viner}}, “Economics is what economists do,” and say that mathematics is what mathematicians do. A large part of mathematics deals with the formal relations of quantities or numbers.
** p. 97

* Economics, we learn in the history of thought, only became a science by escaping from the casuistry and moralizing of medieval thought.
** p. 117

* If the [[society]] toward which we are developing is not to be a nightmare of exhaustion, we must use the interlude of the present era to develop a new technology which is based on a circular flow of materials such that the only sources of man's provisions will be his own waste products.
** p. 147

==== ''The Economy of Love and Fear'', 1973 ====
Kenneth E. Boulding (1973) ''The economy of love and fear; a preface to grants economics''. Belmont, Calif., Wadsworth Pub. Co. 2e ed. 1981

* [You know you are in a part of the economy dealing with ''grants'' instead of exchange when] A gives B something and B does not give A anything in the way of an economic good.
** p. i as cited in: Deirdre Nansen McCloskey (2013) ''[http://www.deirdremccloskey.com/editorials/boulding.php What Boulding Said Went Wrong with Economics, A Quarter Century On]''
** McCloskey (2013) commented earlier: &quot;Boulding invented what he called, infelicitiously, &quot;grants economics&quot; (he might better have used the anthropologist's term ''gifts,'' or even the theologian's term ''grace''... It's an idea about the economy, but draws the attention of economists to exactly what they do not attend to when thinking of exchange alone.&quot; 

* At the opposite pole from the gift is tribute - that is, a grant made out of fear and under threat. A threat is a statement of the form &quot;you do something that I want or I will do something that you do not want.
** p. 4

* Political conflict rests to a very large extent on a universal ignorance of consequences, as the people who are benefited by any particular act or policy are rarely those who struggled for it, and the people who are injured are rarely those who opposed it.
** p. 63 

* [In order to define the distinction between a grant and an exchange transaction, Boulding has used the net worth criterion] If there is no decrease in the net worth of either party, the transaction is exchange; if there is, it contains some grant element and is an explicit or implicit grant.
** p. 88 as cited in: Omicron Delta Epsilon, Omicron Chi Epsilon (1997) ''The American economist''. Vol. 41-42. p. 20 

* One reason why the progressive state is 'cheerful' is that social conflict is diminished by it.
** p. 95

==== ''Toward a General Social Science'', 1974 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1974). ''Collected Papers: Toward a general social science''. L.D. Singell ed., Colorado Associated University Press

* The social system tends to be dominated by images... especially of the future, which act [[cybernetics|cybernetically]], constantly guided by perceived divergences between the real and the ideal
** p. vii as cited by {{w|Debora Hammond}} (1995) &quot;Perspectives from the Boulding files&quot;. In: ''Systems Research''  Vol. 12 No. 4, p. 281-290
[[File:Students communicate.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''[[Communication]] can only take place among equals.''&lt;br&gt;- Kenneth Boulding, 1974&lt;/center&gt;]]
* The world moves into the future as a result of decisions, not as a result of plans. Plans are significant only insofar as they affect decisions.
** p. 8 

* [[Equilibrium]] is a figment of the human imagination.
** p. 29

* We never like to admit to ourselves that we have made a mistake. Organizational structures tend to accentuate this source of failure of information. 
** p. 87 quote in: D.A. Bella (1978) ''Environment, technology, and future generations''

* [if the automobile is replaced by public trans port] the social structure of cities will revert to the ecological pattern of 1880.
** p. 257 as cited in D.S. Houghton, B.J. Shaw (1982) &quot;The city in an era of restricted car usage: Some further observations and policy responses&quot;. In: ''Geoforum''. Vol 13, Issue 1, p. 19–25, 

* [[Communication]] can only take place among equals.
**  p. 240

==== ''Ecodynamics: A New Theory Of Societal Evolution'', 1978 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1978) ''Ecodynamics: A New Theory Of Societal Evolution''. Sage Publications.

* [The law of evolution states that] complexity increases in terms of differentiation and structure. 
** p. 10 as cited in P.P. Kandelaars (1999) ''Economic Models of Material-Product Chains for Environmental Policy Analysis''. p. 13

* Any attempt to reduce the complex properties of biological organisms or of nervous systems or of human brains to simple physical and chemical systems is foolish.
** p. 20

* The evolutionary vision is agnostic in regard to systems in the universe of greater complexity than those of which human beings have clear knowledge. It recognizes aesthetic, moral, and religious ideas and experiences as a species, in this case of mental structures or of images, which clearly interacts with other species in the world's great' ecosystem.
** p. 20

* [Boulding grasps the significance of [[sociobiology]]'s emphasis on biogenetics] that there are biogenetic factors in learning capacity and potential can hardly be denied... [yet] biogenetically imposed limits to human learning... seem to be much more remote... than are the limitations imposed by the biogenetic structure.&quot;
** p. 21 as cited in: W.R. Brown and M.J. Schaefermeyer (1980) &quot;Progress in communication as a social science&quot;. In: Dan Nimmo eds. ''Communication Yearbook 4''. p. 38

* Looked at from the perspective of twentieth-century earth, we see three great stages in the dynamic process of the universe. To this whole process, as it spreads out over perhaps ten billion years of time and ten billion light years of space, we give the name ''[[evolution]]'', and we see three great patterns within it. The first is ''physical evolution''. This presumably started with the development of the most elementary particles (whatever they may be); then of neutrons, protons, electrons, and radiations; then of elements from hydrogen to uranium and beyond formed by combining protons and electrons; then of chemical compounds; then finally of increasingly complex molecules from amino acids, and proteins to the great watershed of DNA, the beginnings of [[life]].
** p. 28
[[File:Train wreck at Montparnasse 1895.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''Nothing fails like success, because we do not learn anything from it. We only learn from failure, but we do not always learn the right things from failure.''&lt;br&gt;-Kenneth Boulding, 1978&lt;/center&gt;]]
* Nothing fails like success, because we do not learn anything from it. We only learn from failure, but we do not always learn the right things from failure. If there is a failure of expectations, that is, if the messages that we receive are not the same as those we expected, we can make three possible inferences.
** p. 42

* DNA has been aptly described as the first three-dimensional Xerox machine.
** p. 100

* Populations interact, some decline to extinction, and some expand. In an ice age the tundra advances on the forest,  but in no sense is there a &quot;struggle&quot; between them. As the temperature gets colder, the forest species decline and the tundra species increase; that is all. There is neither effort nor fight. As we move toward the more complex animals, of course, both effort and fighting become more common, but even in the predator-prey relationship, there is catching and eating rather than fighting. 
** p. 110

* Human artifacts not only include material structures and objects, such as buildings, machines, and automobiles, but they also include organizations, organizational structures like extended families . . . tribes, nations, corporations, churches, political parties, governments, and so on. Some of these may grow unconsciously, but they all originate and are sustained by the images in the human mind. 
** p. 121

* [The [[information]] available within a system constitutes what Boulding (1978) calls the ''noosphere''. It is constituted by the collection of plans, of representations, of procedures, of ideas for the construction of objects or of instructions to realize certain interaction patterns, including] the totality of the cognitive content, including values, of all human nervous systems, plus the prostatic devices by which the system is extended and integrated in the form of libraries, computers, telephones, post offices, and so on.
** p. 122, cited in: Jorge Reina Schement, Brent D. Ruben (1993) ''Information and Behavior - Volume 4''. p. 517
** Robert A. Solo (1994) &quot;[http://www.jstor.org/stable/4226892 Kenneth Ewart Boulding: 1910-1993. An Appreciation]&quot; commented: &quot;The image appears as crucial in Boulding's treatment of societal evolution. Here the record is in human artifacts, not only in material structures such as buildings and machines, telephones and radios, but also in organizations including the extended family, the tribe, the nation, and the corporation. All such artifacts originate in and are sustained by images in the human mind. Civilization and civilized man, in the language that he knows, the skills he acquires, the whole heritage of tradition and manners he has learned, are human artifacts.&quot;

* The social dynamics of human history, even more than that of biological evolution, illustrate the fundamental principle of ecological evolution - that everything depends on everything else. The nine elements that we have described in societal evolution of the three families of phenotypes - the phyla of things, organizations and people, the genetic bases in knowledge operating through energy and materials to produce phenotypes, and the three bonding relations of threat, integration and exchange - all interact on each other.
** p. 224

* Dialectics in many different forms has a surprisingly good press. Most people believe that struggle is very important and that it is important to be on the right side in a conflict.... Part of the difficulty is that the human race has an enormous and by no means unreasonable passion for the dramatic, and conflict is much more dramatic than production....The awful truth about the universe - that it is not only rather a muddle, but also pretty dull - is wholly unacceptable to the human imagination. Nevertheless, it is the dull, nondialectical processes that hold the world together, that move it forward, and that provide the setting within which the dialectical processes take place. Evolution is the theatre, dialectics the play. It is a tragic error to mistake the play for the theatre, however, because that all too easily ends in the theatre burning down... Unless there is a reasonably widespread appreciation of the proper role of dialectical processes, these tend to get out of hand and become extremely destructive.... doing more harm than good.
** p. 266 as cited in: &quot;[http://kairos.laetusinpraesens.org/83deval8_8_h_13 Ecodynamics and societal evolution]&quot; at Kairos @ Laetus-in-Praesens.org. Accessed Feb 25, 2012

=== 1980s ===
* Physicists can only talk to other physicists and economists to economists... sociologists often cannot even understand each other.
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in {{w|Hans Adriaansens}} (1980) ''Talcott Parsons and the Conceptual Dilemma''. p. 10

* '''Canada has no cultural unity, no linguistic unity, no religious unity, no economic unity, no geographic unity. All it has is unity.'''
** Kenneth Boulding cited in: World Union (Organization) (1982) ''World union''. Vol 22. p. 35

* With the development of the human race (and perhaps a little earlier), a new structure emerges, which we can call know-what. This consists of the structures in the nervous system which presumably map into some kind of images in the of the 'mind', which also map into structure in the 'real world', whatever that is. Know-what is very different from know-how. The fertilized egg certainly has the know-how to make whatever organism it knows how to make, but it is very doubtful that it knows what it is doing. The remarkable thing about know-what is that it creates know-how, as we see with the fantastic burgeoning of human artifacts under the influence of a science-based technology. Science, fundamentally, deals with know-what and this enormously increases know-how.
** Kenneth Boulding (1984) In: Meheroo Jussawalla, Helene Ebenfield eds. ''Communication and information economics: new perspectives''. p. vii as cited in: John Laurent (2003) ''Evolutionary Economics and Human Nature''. p. 177 

* One can even go beyond know-what into know-whether. This involves the evaluative structure of the human mind which enables us to make decisions and choices among different images of the future. Human behavior cannot be explained without this further development in the hierarchy that starts with simple information. This actually goes back a long way in evolution. Even the amoeba knows whether to absorb a piece of grit or a piece of food.
** Kenneth Boulding (1984) In: Meheroo Jussawalla, Helene Ebenfield eds. ''Communication and information economics: new perspectives''. p. vii

* The World is a very complex system. It is easy to have too simple a view of it, and it is easy to do harm and to make things worse under the impulse to do good and make things better. 
** Kenneth Boulding (1986) &quot;Proceedings of the 7th Friends Association for Higher Education Conference, Malone College, 1986&quot; p. 4, quoted in {{w|Debora Hammond}}, ''The Science of Synthesis'', Colorado:  University of Colorado Press, 2003.

* [In science any model depends on a pre-chosen taxonomy] a set of classifications into which we divide the enormous complexity of the real world... Land, labor, and capital are extremely heterogeneous aggregates, not much better than earth, air, fire, and water.
** Kenneth Boulding (1986) &quot;What Went Wrong with Economics?&quot; in: ''The American Economist'' Vol 30 (Spring) pp. 7-8, as cited in: {{w|Deirdre McCloskey}} (2013) &quot;[http://www.deirdremccloskey.com/editorials/boulding.php What Boulding Said Went Wrong with Economics, A Quarter Century On]&quot;

* [[Economics]] deals with the behavior of commodities rather than with the behavior of men.
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: [[Peter F. Drucker]], ''Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices,'' New York: Truman Talley Books, E.P. Dutton, 1986, p. 21.

* [Boulding once said, in response to a forecast that someday every American would be earning $100,000 per year] So what? Someone will still have to take out the garbage.
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: [[Donella Meadows]] (1989) &quot;[http://www.context.org/iclib/ic21/meadows/ Thoughts While Cleaning The Living Room: Domestic work is undervalued - but it doesn't need to be]&quot; in ''Caring For Families'' Vol 21. (Spring 1989). p. 16

==== ''Illustrating Economics: Beasts, Ballads and Aphorisms'', 1980 ====
Kenneth E. Boulding, Richard P. Beilock (Editor) ''Illustrating Economics: Beasts, Ballads and Aphorisms''. 2e ed. 2010
[[File:Seth Davy.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''... 4 Seymour Street, off. London Road, Liverpool, Lancashire, England, Great. Britain, Europe, the world, the solar system, the universe. Writing out my full address like this was a great satisfaction when I was a boy.''&lt;br&gt; - Kenneth Boulding, 1980&lt;/center&gt;]]
* I was born on January 18, 1910 at 4 Seymour Street, off. London Road, Liverpool, Lancashire, England, Great. Britain, Europe, the world, the solar system, the universe. Writing out my full address like this was a great satisfaction when I was a boy. Seymour Street had a solid row of narrow, four-story houses on both sides, each with a flight of steps leading up to the front door, and what we called an &quot;airy,&quot; a rectangular hole in front of the basement window, often with steps leading down to a basement underneath the front door. The streets of the neighborhood spoke of the Napoleonic Wars in the early nineteenth century— St. Vincent Street, Rodney Street, Lord Nelson Street. Close by was dirty Lime Street Station; St. George's Hall, a magnificent classical structure the center of Liverpudlian splendor; the theaters; and the great Picton Library with its huge circular reading room. The neighborhood was very mixed; we belonged to the English minority in Liverpool, a city largely populated by the Irish and the Welsh.
** p. 3 

* My father, William C. Boulding, was a working plumber in business for himself. At the back of the house was the yard, a corrugated iron shed full of pipes, wrenches, and blow torches, and other mysterious and rather frightening apparatus. He had two faithful employees, Billy Fox, who was moody and regarded as a little queer, and Billy Sankey, who was short and cheerful. They and my father always smelled strongly of some kind of grease. My father was a gentle man. I never I never heard his voice raised in anger. He had had a very hard childhood. His father died soon after he was born; his mother married again, a man known in the family legends as &quot;Pa Hardacre,&quot; about whom endless stories were told. He was a bigamist. He drove my father out of the house at the age of twelve to earn his own living on the streets of Liverpool. He constantly mistreated my half-aunts, Ethel and Rosie. He died before I was born, but my mother's accounts of him sounded like something out of [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]].
** p. 5

* The trouble with taxonomic boxes is... that that they tend to be empty, however beautiful they are on the outside.
** p. 75 as cited in: R. Harper, L. Palen, A. Taylor (2005) ''The Inside Text: Social, Cultural and Design Perspectives on SMS''. p. 79

* In modern industry, research&lt;br&gt; Has come to be a kind of Church&lt;br&gt;Where rubber-aproned acolytes&lt;br&gt;Perform their Scientific Rites&lt;br&gt;And firms spend funds they do not hafter&lt;br&gt;In hope of benefits Hereafter.
** p. 96

* We cannot walk befor we toddle,&lt;br&gt;Though we may toddle far too long,&lt;br&gt;If we embrace a lovely Model&lt;br&gt;That is consistent, clear, and wrong.&lt;br&gt;- Experts from &quot;Notes from Wooods Hole&quot;, unpublished, 1976. 
** p. 148

==== ''Evolutionary Economics'', 1981 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1981) ''Evolutionary economics''. Beverly Hills, Calif.: Sage Publications.

* It is much more accurate to identify the factors of production as know-how (that is genetic information structure), energy, and materials, for, as we have seen, all processes of production involve the direction of energy by some know-how structure toward the selection, transportation, and transformation of materials into the product
** p. 27

* Prediction of the future is possible only in systems that have stable parameters like celestial mechanics. The only reason why prediction is so successful in celestial mechanics is that the evolution of the solar system has ground to a halt in what is essentially a dynamic equilibrium with stable parameters. Evolutionary systems, however, by their very nature have unstable parameters. They are disequilibrium systems and in such systems our power of prediction, though not zero, is very limited because of the unpredictability of the parameters themselves. If, of course, it were possible to predict the change in the parameters, then there would be other parameters which were unchanged, but the search for ultimately stable parameters in evolutionary systems is futile, for they probably do not exist... Social systems have Heisenberg principles all over the place, for we cannot predict the future without changing it.
** p. 44

* ...the perception of potential threats to survival may be much more important in determining behavior than the perceptions of potential profits, so that profit maximization is not really the driving force. It is fear of loss rather than hope of gain that limits our behavior
** p. 104

==== ''Three Faces of Power'', 1989 ====
Kenneth Boulding (1989) ''Three Faces of Power''. London: Sage

* We should always bear in mind that numbers represent a simplification of reality.
** p. 96 quoted in: Andrew Mearman (2011) &quot;[http://www.ntu.ac.uk/nbs/document_uploads/109014.pdf Three cheers for Kenneth Boulding!]&quot;
[[File:LOVE sculpture NY cropped.jpg|thumb|&lt;center&gt;''The most fundamental form of integrative power is the power of love.''&lt;br&gt;-Kenneth Boulding, 1989&lt;/center&gt;]]
* Integrative power [is] the ultimate power
** p. 109 

* The most fundamental form of integrative power is the power of love.
** p. 110

* [Peace praxis is] a peace process that deals with conflict integratively.
** p. 140 as cited in: Joseph De Rivera (2008) ''Handbook on Building Cultures of Peace''. p. 243

* The very act of thinking about power in our lives and experiences creates a process of revelation and self-analysis that may even make us look at ourselves in a new light... thinking about power and its complex manifestations may not simply lead to a better understanding of the abstract complexities of society, but may have an effect on one‟s own image and identity. Perhaps a warning label should be placed on the cover...
** p. 259, quoted in: Andrew Mearman (2011)

* [The integrative system] deals with such matters as respect, legitimacy, community, friendship, affection, love, and of course their opposites, across a broad scale of human relationships and interactions.
** p. 670-671 as cited in: Christopher Spicer (1997) ''Organizational Public Relations: A Political Perspective''. p. 248
** Spicer (1997) explains: &quot;Boulding (1989) referred to three independent systems from which power is exercised in our society: threat, production and exchange, and integrative. The ''threat system'' is one in which power is accomplished through coercion in its many guises, often including asymmetrical one-way persuasive communication exchanges. The ''production and exchange system'' speaks to the economic system, of which public relations is certainly a part. And, finally, the ''integrative system''.

=== 1990s and attributed ===

* Production functions involving only land, labor and capital... never work and never explain economic development.
** Kenneth Boulding (1990). &quot;Taxonomy as a Source of Error.&quot; in ''Methodus'' Vol 2. p. 17-21, as cited in: {{w|Deirdre McCloskey}} (2013) &quot;[http://www.deirdremccloskey.com/editorials/boulding.php What Boulding Said Went Wrong with Economics, A Quarter Century On]&quot;

* The right to have children should be a marketable commodity, bought and traded by individuals but absolutely limited by the state. 
** Kenneth Boulding, quoted in Dixy Lee Ray (1990). &quot;Trashing the Planet&quot;, p. 168. Regnery Publishing, Inc. {{ISBN|978-0895265449}}.

* The only religion that still demands human sacrifice is nationalism.
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: Russell Francis Farnen (1996) ''Democracy, socialization, and conflicting loyalties in East and West''. p. 52

* Economists and technologists bring the &quot;bits&quot;, but it requires the social scientists and humanists to bring the &quot;wits.&quot;
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in Michael H. Prosser, K. S. Sitaram (1999) ''Civic Discourse: Intercultural, International, and Global Media''. p. 11

* '''Mathematics brought rigor to Economics. Unfortunately, it also brought mortis'''
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: Peter J. Dougherty (2002) ''Who's afraid of Adam Smith?: how the market got its soul''. p. 110

* Don't go to great trouble to optimize something that never should be done at all. Aim to enhance total systems properties, such as creativity, stability, diversity, resilience, and sustainability–whether they are easily measured or not.
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: Ramage Magnus and Karen Shipp (2009) ''Systems Thinkers''. p. 116

* If we saw tomorrow’s newspaper today, tomorrow would never happen.
** Attributed to Kenneth Boulding in: [[Russell Ackoff]] &quot;[http://www.pegasuscom.com/levpoints/ackoff_a-lifetime-of-systems-thinking.html Russell Ackoff: A Lifetime of Systems Thinking; Editor’s note]&quot; in: ''Leverage Points'', Issue 115.

== Quotes about Kenneth Boulding ==

* [[Systems theory|General systems theory]] is considered as a formal theory ([[Mihajlo D. Mesarovic|Mesarovic]], [[A. Wayne Wymore|Wymore]]), a methodology ([[W. Ross Ashby|Ashby]], [[George Klir|Klir]]), a way of thinking ([[Ludwig von Bertalanffy|Bertalanffy]], [[C. West Churchman|Churchman]]), a way of looking at the world ([[Gerald Weinberg|Weinberg]]), a search for an optimal simplification (Ashby, Weinberg), didactic method (Boulding, Klir, Weinberg), metalanguage ([[:w:Lars Löfgren|Logren]]), and profession (Klir).
** [[George Klir]] cited in: James T. Ziegenfuss (1983) ''Patients' rights and organizational models: sociotechnical systems research on mental health programs''. p. 104

* Kenneth E. Boulding was a most extraordinary [[economist]]. The narrow bounds of the economics discipline could not contain his interests and talents. In addition to economics, Professor Boulding made important contributions to the fields of {{w|political science}}, [[sociology]], [[philosophy]], and {{w|social psychology}}. His forays into subjects outside the usual concerns of economists were not an intellectual dilettantism; rather, they were a result of his conviction that an understanding of human behavior can only be accomplished by studying man in his totality. Much of Boulding's work was an attempt to move beyond the narrow economic view of humans as self-interested, rational utility maximizers to a general social science exploiting the full range of our rational, instinctual, and mystical knowledge.
** David Latzko (1995) &quot;[http://www.personal.psu.edu/~dxl31/research/otherstuff/boulding.html Kenneth E. Boulding (18 January 1910-19 March 1993)]&quot; in: ''Proceedings of the American Philosophical Society''. 

* Kenneth Boulding, a well-known economist and widely-read author. Boulding used an ecological model for understanding corporations and individuals as actors within a social system. His 1956 book, ''The Image'' is an early discussion of mental models. His 1978 book, ''Ecodynamics: A New Theory of Societal Evolution'' summarizes much of his earlier work.
** [[Stuart A. Umpleby]] and {{w|Eric B. Dent}}. &quot;[http://www.acasa.upenn.edu/Ump_Final.pdf The origins and purposes of several traditions in systems theory and cybernetics].&quot; Cybernetics &amp; Systems 30.2 (1999): p. 78

* Boulding was not left-wing in his politics nor involved in the radical economics of the time. In fact he was always hostile to Marx’s theory of capitalism and its emphasis on class conflict. What he did feel strongly about was the cause of peace, having become a Quaker early in life, and having been active throughout his career in a variety of ways in the cause of peace. Moreover, he himself saw peace and conflict research as his largest area of work (Boulding, 1989), and regarded his involvement in the founding of the ''{{w|Journal of Conflict Resolution}}'' and the {{w|International Peace Research Association}} as important lifetime achievements.
** John B. Davis (2011) ''[http://epublications.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1011&amp;context=econ_workingpapers Kenneth Boulding as a Moral Scientist]'' Working paper.   
** Here Davis referred to: Boulding, Kenneth (1989) &quot;A bibliographical autobiography&quot;, in: ''Banca Nazionale del Lavoro Quarterly Review'' Vol 171. p. 365-393.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* [http://www.colorado.edu/econ/Kenneth.Boulding Boulding pages at the University of Colorado at Boulder]
* [http://www.personal.psu.edu/faculty/d/x/dxl31/research/otherstuff/boulding.html An overview of Boulding's major contributions by David Latzko]
* [http://dieoff.org/page160.htm Boulding's 1966 essay ''The Economics of the Coming Spaceship Earth'']
* [http://www.wholeterrain.org/bio.cfm?Contributor_ID=142 Whole Terrain] link to Boulding's articles published in ''[[w:Whole Terrain|Whole Terrain]]''
* [http://www.kysq.org/fra.pdf The Feather River Anthology (1966)]

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    <title>Talk:Garry Kasparov</title>
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      <text bytes="3929" xml:space="preserve">== Do you actually read quotes before submitting them? ==

_&quot;My response to Bernie Sanders' you know uh stories you know fairytales is that uh the failure of capitalism&quot;_

[[Special:Contributions/83.23.148.199|83.23.148.199]]

Why to include the defamatory quote from Fischer on Kasparov?

:Yeah. They should probably cite or immediately remove that crap. [[Special:Contributions/86.11.247.18|86.11.247.18]] 14:06, 23 April 2013 (UTC)

== Unsourced ==
* [[Alexander Alekhine|Alekhine]]'s attacks came suddenly, like destructive thunderstorms that erupted from a clear sky.
* The depth of [[Tigran Petrosian|Tigran]]'s approach to chess is the direct consequence of his clear mind and his rare insight into general aspects of chess, into subtleties of chess tactics and strategy. Petrosian performed a special kind of art in creating harmonious positions that were full of life, where apparent absence of superficial dynamism was compensated by enormous inner energy. Every subtle change in the position was always taken into consideration in the context of a complex strategy that was not obvious to his opponents.
* What was the secret of [[Paul Morphy|Morphy]]'s invincibility? I think it was a combination of a unique natural talent and brilliant erudition. His play was the next, more mature stage in the development of chess. Morphy had a well-developed feel for position, and therefore he can be confidently regarded as the first swallow - the prototype of the strong 20th century grandmaster.

=== On [[Boris Spassky]] ===
* I believe that judged by his style of play, Spassky is much closer to Alekhine and Tal than to Smyslov, Botvinnik, or Petrosian. This is probably why, when Spassky was in his best form, neither Tal nor Korchnoi could really put up much resistance against him. Spassky could read their play (especially that of Tal) like an open book.

* The universal chess style, characterized by the ability to play quite different types of chess positions, is considered by many to derive from that of Boris Spassky. But I think that the general idea that Spassky has a universal style overlooks the fact that from an early age, Spassky had a bent for sharp, attacking play and a good eye for the initiative.

* It is characteristic that Spassky has never in his life started a game with 1.Nf3. He must have considered it a 'semi-move', real moves being only those that lead to an immediate fight. All of those notorious opening peculiarities (such as avoiding this, that, and the other and preventing the other that and this) seemed repulsive to him.

* Spassky was the first great chess player to use both 1.e4 and 1.d4 with equal success. He managed to employ these moves more harmoniously than any other world champion.

* He was less concerned about the position’s evaluation than about the character of the arising struggle. If he liked the character of the battle, he felt absolutely at home and, as a rule, didn’t fail to outplay his opponents.

* Every country has its own mafia. In Russia, the mafia has its own country.

== Quotes About Kasparov ==
* &quot;The future of chess lies in the hands of this young man&quot; ~ [[Mikhail Botvinnik]]

* &quot;He's a goddamn liar, Kasparov, he's a criminal&quot; ~ [[Bobby Fischer]]

* &quot;They're claiming that this criminal Jew Garry Kasparov -- his real name is Garry Weinstein -- is the World Champion. Which he's not, in any way. He's a common crook. He should be in prison. He should be in prison for his crimes. He has pre-arranged, in his life, thousands of games. Thousands of games. Every single tournament or match game he's ever played with Karpov was pre-arranged. Every goddamn game, and it was pre-arranged move by move. He is a crook on a big scale.&quot; ~ [[Bobby Fischer]]

== Quote about propaganda ==

https://twitter.com/Kasparov63/status/808750564284702720?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw [[User:Aschroet|Aschroet]] ([[User talk:Aschroet|talk]]) 16:59, 22 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
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    <title>The Simpsons/Season 10</title>
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&lt;noinclude&gt;{{wikipedia|The Simpsons (season 10)}}
{{Otherusesof|The Simpsons}}

'''''[[The Simpsons]]''''' Season 10
&lt;/noinclude&gt;
===''[[w:Lard of the Dance|Lard of the Dance]]''===
:'''Ralph''': And the doctor told me that both my eyes were lazy, and that's why it was the best summer ever!
:'''Ms. Hoover''': Thank you, Ralph. Now take your seat. ''[Ralph exits the classroom]''
:'''Nelson''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey Blindy, have a nice trip!
:'''Ralph''': Aah''!''
:'''Nelson''': Ha-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Used grease is worth money? Then my arteries are clogged with yellow gold! (he groans with pain) Money in the bank.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Marge, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': With cans of used grease?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': (''mockingly'') No, through savings and wise investments! Of course with grease.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alex''': Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Did she just tell me to &quot;shut up?&quot;
:'''Skinner''': Take it outside.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(Bart and Homer are escaping from Groundskeeper Willie through the air ducts. Willie grabs Homer by the ankle.)''
:'''[[w:Groundskeeper Willie|Willie]]''': Not so fast, boyo. Hell, if it was up to me, I'd let ya go. ''(Raises his fists.)'' But, the lads have a temper, '''''and they've been drinking all day!'''''
:''(Willie starts punching Homer with hard blows while Homer is screaming in pain.)''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Ow! Stop pummeling me! It's really painful!
:'''Willie''': ''(Willie stops briefly)'' Okay, fine. I'll strangle ya for a while! ''(Willie strangles Homer with his hose, and one of Homer's eyes bulges out of its socket.)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Lisa, I can't imagine anyone being more likable than you. But apparently this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done, including my muscle for hire business.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Oh, poor Homey. Couldn't you try some other far-out, moneymaking scheme?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Alright son, we're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our head in prayer. Dear Lord, I know You're busy, seeing as how You can watch women change clothes and all that, but if You help us steal this grease tonight I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Dad, He's not stupid.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Alright, screw it. Let's roll! (''floors it'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': When you want grease, go to the source. Good old Krusty Burger!
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'll say! Look at that red-headed kid. There must be $40 worth of grease on his forehead alone.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Uh, I was thinking more of the deep frier.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Whatever, we'll try it your way.
:'''[[w:Squeaky-voiced Teen|Squeaky-Voiced Teen]]''': Can I help you, sir?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': [leaning uncomfortably close to Squeaky-Voiced Teen] ''My... '''God,''' you're greasy.''
:'''[[w:Squeaky-voiced Teen|Squeaky-Voiced Teen]]''': Mr. Maruka, help!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Nelson, Ralph, Wendel, Lewis, and Database sitting at a bench at lunchtime]''
:'''Nelson''': You see, the thing about huckleberries is: once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.
:''[Skinner walks up to the bench]''
:'''Nelson''': Uh, uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass!
:''[Skinner nods and walks off]''
:'''Nelson''': (''quietly'') Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner sugar.
:''[All murmur in interest]''

===''[[w:The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace|The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Now, here's my &quot;Everything's OK Alarm.&quot; ''(picks up a device that looks like a smoke detector and presses a button. It starts beeping loudly, with a sound similar to an air horn.)'' THIS WILL SOUND, EVERY 3 SECONDS, UNLESS SOMETHING ISN'T OKAY!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Turn it off, Homer!
:'''Homer''': IT ''CAN'T'' BE TURNED OFF! ''(The beeping starts weakening, then stops completely.)'' But, it, uh, ''does'' break easily.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(after Homer shoots Marge with &quot;The Makeup Shotgun&quot;)''
:'''Marge''': Homer, you got it set on &quot;Whore.&quot;
:'''Homer''': Oh, sorry. ''(switches knob on gun)'' OK, this time, try to keep your nostrils closed. ''(Marge swats away gun, and the makeup hits a nearby wall instead)'' Oh, look what you did. Now I have to get my cold cream gun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
:'''Homer''': Women will like what I tell them to like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kent Brockman''': In other news, Thomas Edison, the greatest inventor of all time, is apparently still inventing, despite the notable handicap of being dead.
:'''Homer''': That's my Tommy!

===''[[w:Bart the Mother|Bart the Mother]]''===
:(''at an arcade'')
:'''Nelson''': What can I get for 8,000 tickets?
:'''Clerk''': Uh, a BB gun or an Easy Bake Oven.
:'''Nelson''': Hmmm...Hot food is tempting, but I just can't say no to a weapon.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': What did you get with the tickets?
:'''Bart''': Fake moustache comb, how about you?
:'''Lisa''': Fake moustache...wanna comb it?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[at the top of his voice]'' '''''MILHOUSE!!!'''''
:'''Milhouse''': ''[still at his house]'' ''What?''
:'''Homer''': '''''TELL BART TO COME HOME!!!'''''
:'''Milhouse''': ''[still at his house]'' ''I think he's at Nelson's!''
:'''Homer''': '''''WHO'S NELSON?!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(after Marge sees the bird Bart shot)''
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Bart! Did you kill that poor bird?!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left.
:'''Marge''': You disobeyed me, snuck over here, and murdered a helpless animal?!
:'''Bart''': I know, I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished.
:'''Marge''': ''(sighs dejectedly)'' Oh, what's the point, Bart? I punish, and I punish, and I punish, but it never sinks in. So you know what? Do what you want. You wanna play with little hoodlums? Fine! Have fun killing things! ''(gets in her station wagon and drives off)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Troy McClure|Troy McClure]]''': Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as ''Earwigs, Eww!'' and ''Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[About the Bolivian tree lizard]''
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': It's a vicious oviraptor. It feasts on bird eggs and lays its own eggs in the nest. The unsuspecting mother bird cares for them until the babies hatch, and... devour her too.
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': ''[laughs]'' What a chump!
:'''Principal Skinner''': It's already wiped out the [[w:dodo|dodo]], the [[w:cuckoo|cuckoo]], and the [[w:nene (bird)|nene]], and it has nasty plans for the [[w:booby|booby]], the [[w:Baeolophus|titmouse]], the [[w:woodcock|woodcock]], and the titpecker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': ''[to Marge]'' Everyone thinks they're monsters. But I raised them and I ''love'' them. I know that's hard to understand.
:'''Marge''': Mmmm. Not as hard as you think.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's Comet collided with the moon!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That didn't happen, Dad.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''Sure'' it didn't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Quimby''': ''[to Bart]'' For decimating our pigeon population and for making Springfield a less oppressive place to while away our worthless lives, I present you with this scented candle.

===''[[w:Treehouse of Horror IX|Treehouse of Horror IX]]''===
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, Kang is Maggie's father.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''(gasps)'' You intergalactic hussy! How could you?! ''(starts crying)'' Was he better than me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[On the ''[[w:Jerry Springer Show|Jerry Springer Show]]'', after Kang brings out flowers for Marge and kisses her hand. Homer begins wailing on him]''
:'''Homer''': You one-eyed, two-timing ''[bleep, bleep]''! I'm gonna ''[bleep]''!
:'''Kang''': Oh yeah?! Well, ''[bleep]'' hyperbolic parabaloid ''[bleep]'' your mama!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[Jerry Springer]]''': And now for my final thought; nobody wins when parents put their petty squabbles above the welfare of their child. ''(everyone onstage looks ashamed)'' Let's hope they put their differences aside, and do what's best for Maggie. ''[Maggie lunges at Springer]'' What the ''[bleep]''?! Get this ''[bleep]'' baby off! ''[she bites him]'' ''[bleep]''! Son of a ''[bleep]''!
:''[Kang and Homer try to pull Maggie off, but end up fighting again]''
:'''Marge''': ''[with her head in her hands]'' I'm so ''[bleep]'' embarrassed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': I can't believe it. Jerry Springer didn't solve our conflict.
:'''Lisa''': And now he's dead.
:'''[[w:Kang and Kodos|Kang]]''': Any-hoo, this is your last chance. Turn over the baby now!
:'''[[w:Kang and Kodos|Kodos]]''': Or we will destroy all your leaders in [[w:Washington|Washington]]!
:'''Marge''': ''[not intimidated]'' Oh, you can't destroy ''every'' politician!
:'''Kodos''': ''[darkly]'' '''''Just watch us.'''''
:''[Kang and Kodos laugh maniacally as they enter their spaceship and take off.]''
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Don't forget [[w:Ken Starr|Ken Starr]]!
:'''Marge''': Suckers.
:'''Homer''': Come on, Maggie. Let’s go home. 
:'''Maggie''': [In Kang’s voice] Very well, i’ll drive.
:''[Maggie laughs maniacally.]]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': [After changing Lisa and the TV screen into red] Whoa! Cool!
:'''Lisa''': [Holding the remote control] Bart, quit it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scratchy''': [to Bart and Lisa] Why are you laughing?
:'''Itchy''': [to Scratchy] Hey, they're laughing at your pain.
:'''Scratchy''': [Picks up his head and puts it back on his body] That's mean.
:'''Itchy''': Let's teach 'em a lesson. [shaking Scratchy's hand]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(on ''The Jerry Springer Show'')''
:'''Audience Member''': I got a question for that gross thing, whatever it is.
:'''[[Jerry Springer]]''': Homer?
:'''Audience Member''': Nah, the green dude.

===''[[w:When You Dish Upon a Star|When You Dish Upon a Star]]''===
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': (''speaking to Homer'') You promised to take us to the lake.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I promise you kids lots of things. That's what make me such a good father.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': No that would make me a great father.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Man''': Sir you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh, that sounds like a wager to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': (''while parasailing'') Ooh, I'm soaring majestically like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': When was the last time Barbra Streisand ever did the laundry for you? And when it's time to do the dishes, where's [[W:Ray Bolger|Ray Bolger?!]] I'll tell you where! Ray '''Bolger''' is looking out for Ray '''Bolger'''!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ron Howard''': ''[pitching a movie]'' And it builds to a powerful emotional climax, where the father has to decide which of his children will live... and which one... will die.
:'''Executive''': Pass. What else have you got?
:'''Ron Howard''': Well, there's one about a killer robot driving instructor, who travels back in time for some reason.
:'''Executive''': I'm listening.
:'''Ron Howard''': And this robot- He's got a challenging decision to make about whether his best friend lives... or dies.
:'''Executive''': Ehh.
:'''Ron Howard''': His best friend's a talking pie.
:'''Executive''': Sold! Howard, you've done it again!

===''[[w:D'oh-in in the Wind|D'oh-in in the Wind]]''===
:'''Abe''': [grabbing Homer's arm] Shame on you, boy! Put some damn pants on then pull'em down! Cause it's time for a spankin!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer Simpson''': Hear ye, hear ye! The intergalactic jester proclaims this conformity factory closed!
:''[Kids cheer and burst out of the school]''
:'''Principal Skinner''': 15 years of loyal service and this is how they tell me? A jester with an invisible proclamation?
:'''Homer Simpson''': Good morning, Starshine, Seth.
(Seth and Munchie gasp to find their garden is empty)
:'''Munchie''': What's going on?
:'''Seth''': What happened to our crops?
:'''Homer Simpson''': I picked them, juiced them, and delivered them to every store in town. Your business is saved.
:'''Munchie''': But there weren't enough vegetables left to fill that order.
:'''Homer Simpson''': That's what I thought of first. But then I found the other garden behind the barn, the one with the camouflaged netting.
:'''Munchie''': Uh-oh.
:'''Seth''': Homer, those were our personal vegetables.
:'''Homer Simpson''': But now the town can benefit from their own nutrients.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Homer on mural''': How could you let me turn into you?
:'''Homer''': But-but-but the poncho--
:'''Young Homer''': &quot;But-but-but the poncho!&quot; Hit the road, square.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': Doctor, will he be all right?
:'''[[w:Julius Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]''': Yes, he was lucky. If that were a gladiola, he'd be dead right now.
:'''Bart''': Why don't you just pull it out?
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': ''[laughs]'' [[Star Trek: The Original Series|I'm a doctor, not a gardener.]]
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Couldn't you prune some of the leaves so I can watch TV?
:'''Dr. Hibbert''': What did I just say?

===''[[w:Lisa Gets an &quot;A&quot;|Lisa Gets an &quot;A&quot;]]''===
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Skinner]]''': And, for the first time ever, our computer lab actually has a computer in it.
:(Ralph is sitting at their newly installed computer, engrossed in an educational spelling program)
:'''[[w:Ralph Wiggum|Ralph]]''': Hi, Lisa! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! (the Coleco shows a cat with &quot;C_T&quot; underneath; he types &quot;a&quot; to spell &quot;cat,&quot; which prompts a &quot;meow&quot; sound from the computer) I'm learnding.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Aw, way to go, Ralph.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(Bart and Lisa are outside the boys' bathroom)''
:'''Lisa''': Hey, I can't go in there!
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Relax, there's nothing here you didn't see when Dad boycotted pants.
:''(Bart and Lisa knock on a closed stall door in the boys' bathroom)''
:'''Nelson''': Hang on, I'll buzz you in. ''[short pause]'' Buzz.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Hurry up my arms are getting cold.
:''(Lisa sneezes inside the freezer Marge arrives)''
:'''Marge''': Oh my goodness! Homer get her out of there!
:'''Homer''': Aw! (Pulls Lisa out of the freezer shivering holding an ice cream can)
:'''Homer''': (Picks the ice cream can from Lisa) Sherbert Hoover? (throws it back on the freezer)

===''[[w:Homer Simpson in: &quot;Kidney Trouble&quot;|Homer Simpson in: &quot;Kidney Trouble&quot;]]''===
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Can't they use that artificial kidney I built?
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, that was just a beer can with a whistle glued to it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': If I die in the operation, will ya do one thing for me.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Oooh, anything sweetheart.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''(serious tone)'' Blow up the hospital.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(after hearing Homer's story of how he ran away from his dying father after promising him one of his kidneys)''
:'''Concertina Player''': ''(in a French accent)'' I stole this accordion from a blind monkey, but '''''you''''' ''(spits)'' You disgust even ''me''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(After being tossed off of the Ship of Lost Souls, AKA Honeybunch, watching it sail away into the fog)''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': That's the last time I trust the strangest people on Earth!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'm the luckiest man in the world, now that [[Lou Gehrig|Lou Gehrig's]] dead.

===''[[w:Mayored to the Mob|Mayored to the Mob]]''===
:'''Mayor Quimby''': Oh God. Can't this town go one day without a riot?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Moe''': ''(after giving a bribe to Mayor Quimby, and under this some cockroaches start walking)'' We're working on that 'roach situation, I swear to God!
:'''Mayor''': ''(pauses briefly, then takes the money)'' Well, you should see the hospital.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Quimby''': [[w:Luke Skywalker|Luke]], do something! Use your [[w:lightsaber|Lightsaber]]!
:'''[[Mark Hamill]]''': What, and break it?! You know [[George Lucas]] made me pay for these.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Comic Book Guy''': Tell me, how do you feel about 45-year-old virgins who still live with their parents?
:'''Female Comic Book Fan''': Comb the SweetTarts out of your beard, and you're on.
:'''Comic Book Guy''': Don't try to change me, baby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Nelson Type''': YEEEEEESSSSSS?
:'''Homer''': Do you have a table for the mayor?
:'''Frank Nelson Type''': YEEEEEESSSSS!
:'''Homer''': Why do you talk like that?
:'''Frank Nelson Type''': I had a STROOOOOOKE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer Simpson''': [to Bart and Lisa] Hold it, what's your clearance?
:'''Bart Simpson''': We just wanna get a snack.
:'''Homer Simpson''': Access denied.
:'''Bart''': But, Dad... [Homer pinches the kids on the shoulder, sending them to the floor, unconscious]
:'''Marge''': Homer, I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children.
:'''Homer''': They'll be fine in half an hour.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh My God, I killed the Mayor! Alright, stay calm. I'll just use the body to stage an elaborate farce a la [[W:Weekend At Bernie's|Weekend At Bernie's.]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': If I was Fat Tony, and God willing someday I will be, I'd just be stewing in my jail cell getting madder and madder.
:'''Homer''': I don't have to worry about that, he's already out on bail. Well, I'm off to work.
:'''Marge''': You're guarding the mayor tonight, after Fat Tony swore revenge?
:'''Homer''': It's my duty, Marge. Besides, those mobsters don't scare me. Bart, will you start daddy's car?
:'''Marge''': Homer!
:'''Homer''': What? There's nothing to worry about.
:'''Bart''': Well, then you start it.
:'''Homer''': Alright, fine, I'll take a cab.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As Homer fights for his life against one of Fat Tony's men]''
:'''[[Mark Hamill]]''': Homer, use the-!
:'''Homer''': [[w:Force (Star Wars)|The Force]]?
:'''[[Mark Hamill]]''': The forks! Use the forks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer attending a Leavelle's body guard school]''
:'''Leavelle''': Your loyalty is to your protectee. Not to you country. Not to your family. ''[turns to Homer]'' Not even to [[w: Muhammad| Moo-Hammid]].
:'''Homer''': Even during [[w:Ramadan|Ramadan?]]
:'''Leavelle''': Shut your sass-hole boy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Milking rats! THEY'RE MILKING RATS!
:'''Mayor Quimby''': ''(to Fat Tony)'' Rats?! I am outraged! You promised me dog or higher!

===''[[w:Viva Ned Flanders|Viva Ned Flanders]]''===
:'''Bart''': Alright here comes the implosion!
:'''Demolition Worker''': ''[Pushes the plunger down]'' ''Im''plosion? I thought you said...
:''[The Monty Burns Casino blows up in a cloud of dust with a variety of things, as well as Don Rickles, flying out into the air]''
:'''Don Rickles''': HOCKEY PUUUUUCK!
:'''Homer Simpson''': ''[as they all run from the dust]'' Heh, heh! Don Rickles zinged ya, Marge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After running over someone in the dust cloud]''
:'''Lisa''': Dad, you hit [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]]!
:'''[[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]]''': I'm okay, but some Puerto Rican guy's trying to steal your hubcaps. [laughs] Just kidding! I'm a nice guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Slave girl! Oh, slave girl!
:'''[[Waitress]]''': More libations, my imperial conqueror?
:'''Homer''': What was that?
:'''Other Waitress''': More booze. You want more booze?

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned''': Goshdarn it! Am I that pre-diddly-ictable? ''[sighs]'' I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life!
:''[a car stops besides Ned with Abe, Jasper and three attractive women]''
:'''Grampa''': Hey there!
:'''Ned''': Look at that! Everyone's living it up except Ned. ''[car pulls away out of earshot]''
:'''Grampa''': Help! We're being carjacked!
:'''Woman''': Don't get clever, old man. ''[cocks a revolver]'' Now take us to Dress Barn.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ned''': So what about all this meat?
:'''Homer''': Ah, the missus will clean that up.
:'''Marge''': Now it's Marge's time to shine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Gonzo''': That sure was a fun trip to Las Vegas.
:'''Raoul Duke''': Auh, too many kids.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Casino worker''': Someone dishonoring their marriage vows!? Not in Las Vegas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While Homer and Ned try to flee]''
:'''Homer''': ''[screams]'' The [[w:Moody Blues|Moody Blues]]!
:'''[[w:Graeme Edge|Graeme Edge]]''': &quot;Cold hearted Homer ditching his wife, while ancient Ned runs for his life&quot;
:'''[[w:Justin Hayward|Justin Hayward]]''': &quot;Chips of blue, and red, and white, but we decide...&quot;
:'''[[w:John Lodge|John Lodge]]''': Oh can the poems, it's arse-whooping time!
:'''[[w:Ray Thomas|Ray Thomas]]''': ''[draws a switchblade]'' I want fatty! ''[Homer screams]''

===''[[w:Wild Barts Can't Be Broken|Wild Barts Can't Be Broken]]''===
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?
:'''Homer''': Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
:'''Lisa''': Even you?
:'''Homer''': Especially me.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': But you gotta support the team, Dad! They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': That's right! Like my mother always said, you've got to stick it out, even if you picked the loser ... ''(sees Homer picking at his ear and looking at his finger afterward)'' ...to the bitter end.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Commentator''': (about Babe Ruth IV) He's pointing to the stands, possibly at a dying little boy.
:'''Bart''': (to Marge, after realizing he's been pointed at) Mom, am I dying?!
:'''Marge''': (sympathetically) No.
:'''Lisa''': (whispering) Is he, Mom? You can tell me.
:'''Marge''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Commentator''': (as Babe Ruth gets ready) Is he indicating a bunt? Yes, he's bunting.
:(The other team catch him straight away, and he trudges off forlornly)
:'''Audience''': BOOO!
:'''Marge''': Good hustle, kid!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Moe''': (sighs) Ah, no one touched my rumaki.
:'''Homer''': (throws it at him) WOOOO, RUMAKI!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': (checking the boys' IDs) Sorry boys, but the curfew is final. (Looks at Nelson's) Oh, sorry to disturb you, Dr. Hibbert.
:'''Nelson''': (as Dr. Hibbert) Not at all, Officer! (chuckles)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': So, You enjoy this movie, Kids? Aah! Listen up punks. The moral of the story is, the adults always win! (The kids' eyes turn blue, as in the film) Waaarrgh! ''(It is revealed Eddie has been shining a light on the kids)'' For crying out loud, Eddie. You scared the hell out of me.
:'''Eddie''': Sorry, Chief. ''(chuckles)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart''': Tune in tomorrow, and every day, until the curfew is lifted, because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about Springfield's other adults.
:'''Homer''': Well, at least they've already done me.
:'''Bart''': And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson.
:'''Homer''': D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?
:''[Dr. Hibbert looks around nervously]''
:'''Lisa''': That's right...Homer Simpson!
:'''Homer''': ''D'oh''!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nelson''': You adults are always giving orders!
:'''Skinner''': Well, you kids are always disobeying them!
:'''Milhouse''': Adults treat kids like children!
:'''Kirk''': Kids treat adults like cash machines!
''(start song)''
:'''Kids''': (singing) Adults!
:'''Adults''': (singing) Kids!
:'''Kids''': (singing) Adults!
:'''Adults''': (singing) Kids!
:'''Kids''': (singing) Adults!
:'''Rev. Lovejoy''': (singing) Kids! You've had your fun and we've had our fill!
:'''Homer''': (singing) Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!
:'''Marge''': (Embarrassed) Hmm.
:'''Wiggum''': (singing) Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [Nelson spray paints &quot;Oink&quot; on Wiggum's back]
:'''Krusty''': (singing) Channel-hopping, Ritalin popping monkeys! (To Allison: But please don't quit the fan-club!)
:'''Marge''': (singing) Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!
:'''Edna Krabappel''': (singing) Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank-you.
:'''Rod and Todd''': (singing) Why can't you be like we are? (They get hit with tomatoes)
:'''Adults''': (singing) Oh what a bunch of brats!
:'''Moe''': (singing) We outta drown you just like cats!
:'''Bart''': (singing) Adults! You run our lives like you're Col. Klink!
:'''Nelson''': (singing) Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
:'''Lisa''': (singing) Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!
:'''Ralph''': I just ate a thumbtack!
:'''Milhouse''': (singing) Adults! They're always telling us to-(Abe grabs him with his cane)
:'''Abe''': (singing) Shut your traps!
:'''Jasper''': (singing) Eh...We're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps. (Milhouse screams and runs )
:'''Old folks''': (singing) We're trying to get some sleep here; it's almost 6:15! What's the matter with-
:'''Adults''': (singing) Don't you treat us like-
:'''Kids''': (singing) Can't you just lay off-
:'''Old folks''': (singing) We're sick of all of you-
:'''Everyone''': (singing) KIDS...TOO...DAY!

===''[[w:Sunday, Cruddy Sunday|Sunday, Cruddy Sunday]]''===
:'''[[w:Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]''': &quot;Legends of Comedy&quot;, my tuchis! What has [[Roscoe Arbuckle|Fatty Arbuckle]] done that I haven't done?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Moe Szyslak|Moe]]''': [[w:bye (sports)|Bye weeks]]. [[w:Bronko Nagurski|Bronko Nagurski]] didn't get no bye weeks, and now he's dead! ''[pause]'' Well... maybe they're a good thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Wiggum''': All right, you guys have had ''way'' too much booze. ''[holds up some fresh bottles of Duff]'' Last call!
:''[The others clamor for the beer, getting overly rowdy]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': ''[aims a pistol at them]'' Come on! Give me an excuse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Homer, Wally and their troupe charge through various hallways looking for the Superbowl (with &quot;[[w:Song 2|Song 2]]&quot; playing in the background)]''
:'''Moe''': Homer, we've been running around cheering for an hour! Where the hell's the game?!
:'''Homer''': You guys are following me?! I was following Flanders!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Guard''': Players and VIP's only!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Catholic Church VO''': The Catholic Church: We've made a few…changes.

===''[[w:Homer to the Max|Homer to the Max]]''===
:''[Homer sings to the tune of ''[[w:Goldfinger (film)|Goldfinger.]]'']''
:'''Homer''': ''Max Power''
: ''He's the man whose name you'd love to touch''
: ''But you musn't touch''
: ''His name sounds good in your ear''
: ''But when you say it, you musn't fear''
: '''Cause his name can't be said''
: ''By anyone''--
:''[Mr. Burns walks in.]''
:'''Mr. Burns''': Ah, Max Power! How's every little thing?
:'''Homer''': You remembered my name!
:'''Mr. Burns''': Well, who could forget the name of a magnetic individual like you? Keep up the good work, Max!
:'''Homer''': Mr. Power.
:'''Mr. Burns''': Yes, Mr. Power.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': But I fell in love with Homer Simpson. I don't wanna snuggle with Max Power.
:'''Max ([[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]])''': Nobody snuggles with Max Power - you strap yourself in and feel the G's! ''[performs a hip gyration]''
:'''Marge''': Oh, Lord!
:'''Max''': And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh no! I'm taking charge! Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Isn't that the wrong way?
:'''Max''': Yeah, but faster! ''[walks into a cactus]'' D'oh!
:'''Lisa''': We should really put that in the corner.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': Awww, this is the worst party ever.
:'''Marge''': Remember that New Year's Eve party at Lenny's? He didn't even have a clock.

===''[[w:I'm With Cupid|I'm With Cupid]]''===
:''[Homer is telling Lisa a bedtime story]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ...and then the handsome prince realized he had to go to the bathroom really bad, but the evil ogre, Barney, had left the men's room in the most wicked condition! So the prince went out back to the enchanted alley--
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': That's not a fairy tale; it's something that happened to you at Moe's!
:'''Homer''': Sssh. Anyway, the prince passed out for a hundred years, until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Everybody's marriages is falling apart except ours. You see the problem is communication.... too much communication.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Will you stop it! It's easy to blame ourselves, but it's even easier to blame Apu!

===''[[w:Marge Simpson in: &quot;Screaming Yellow Honkers&quot;|Marge Simpson in: &quot;Screaming Yellow Honkers&quot;]]''===
:'''Zookeeper''': Boy, that [[w:Stone Phillips|Stone Phillips]] sounds like quite a bloke. What television network is he on?
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Why, [[w:NBC|NBC]], of course.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat.
:'''[[w:Clancy Wiggum|Wiggum]]''': Do you think there's anything great on NBC right now?
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh, I'm sure of it.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': But there's only one way to find out...
:''(cut to the closing credits)''
:'''Homer''': (voice-over) I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under ... ''(sound of gun cocking)''... my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many Fox shows as possible. So in summary, NBC - bad. [[w:Fox network|Fox]] - good. ''(very softly)'' [[w:CBS|CBS]] great.
:''(sound of gunshot, followed by a thud. The Gracie Films logo appears, accompanied by three more gunshots. According to the audio commentary, George Meyer came up with the idea of shooting an already dead corpse a few times, he called them &quot;safety shots&quot;)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart Simpson''': I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': I'm gonna die! Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!
:'''Zookeeper''': There's one rhino missing! If we don't find it, it'll be my ass on the barbie!
:'''Homer''': ''[as he, Bart and Lisa run from stampeding rhinos]'' Don't worry, kids! I know just what to do! [[Jumanji|JUMANJI]]! ''[the rhinos keep charging]'' Does ''anything'' from the movies actually work?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Mom, Bart took what I said and turned it into an insult!

===''[[w:Make Room for Lisa|Make Room for Lisa]]''===
:'''Guard #1''': ''[after Homer damaged the bill of rights]'' You just licked off the part that forbids cruel and unusual punishment.
:'''Guard #2''': ''[putting on brass knuckles]'' Hehe, beautiful.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Relax, Lisa! Meet your new comically mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson! (hums The Odd Couple Theme)
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
:'''Homer''': (hums The Odd Couple theme and shoves Lisa in)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': ''(turns on TV)'' Ooh, here's something you like. When Animals Attack Magicians.
:'''Magician''': Pick a card, any- ''(noise of animal attacking)'' Aaaaaagh!!!
:''(Homer laughs)''
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''(concerned)'' That's awful.
:'''Homer''': Awful entertaining.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': (while in the sensory deprivation chamber, to the tune of The Witch Doctor) ooh! eee! ooh ah ah! Ting, Tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh eee ooh ah ah! Walla ting tang bing bing boo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': Wow, I've been a cat, a tree, and [[Cokie Roberts]]. It's happening again. I wonder where I'm going this time. What's that?
:''[A sandwich appears on a black background]''
:'''Lisa''': Yuck! That sandwich is full of meat. ''[As the meats rotate]'' There's bacon, Canadian bacon, Mexican bacon ''[drooling]'' and a mouth-watering veal chop.
:''[Two arms come from both sides of the screen, then grabs the sandwich. Lisa takes a bite]''
:'''Lisa''': Oh, no, now ''I'm'' dad!
:''[background, from Homer's point of view, fades in. He's at a ballet]''
:'''Lisa''': (as Homer) Oh, and I'm at a stupid boring ballet.

===''[[w:Maximum Homerdrive|Maximum Homerdrive]]''===
:'''Female Trucker''': There goes the finest trucker who ever lived.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': He called me &quot;greenhorn.&quot; I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
:'''Male Trucker''': In 38 years, he never missed a shipment. But I guess this is one delivery old Red won't be making.
:'''Homer''': Oh, yes he will....and on time, too.
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Oh no, Homer, no.
:'''Homer''': I got to, honey. I owe it to Red as both his friend and his killer.
:'''Bart''': Oh, let me go with you, Dad.
:'''Homer''': Don't you have school?
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Don't you have work?
:'''Homer''': Ahh, touché.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Look son, it's one of nature's wonders, the convoy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh yeah, I need something that will keep me awake, alert and restless all night long.
:'''Old Clerk''': Well Congress is racing back to Washington to outlaw these. (Pulls out a bottle labeled Stimu-crank)
:'''Homer''': Sold! (Takes pills and eats them all)
:'''Old Clerk''': You can't take that many pep pills at once!
:'''Homer''': Don't worry. I'll balance it out with a bottle of sleeping pills.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': What's happening to me? There's still food, but i don't wanna eat it. I've become everything I've ever hated! (cries)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Dad, they're going to kill us!
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Oh, why do all my trips end like this?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Your father traded all of our tools for M&amp;M's again.

===''[[w:Simpsons Bible Stories|Simpsons Bible Stories]]''===
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': (as [[w:Adam|Adam]]) ''[to Marge (as Eve)]'' You're pretty uptight for a naked chick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(The Simpsons watch as their neighborhood is engulfed by The Apocalypse)''
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Oh, no, it's the [[w:Apocalypse|Apocalypse]]! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Not anymore.
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': It's [[w:Rapture|The Rapture]], and I never knew true love.
:'''Homer''': I never used those pizza coupons.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wiggum''': Hey, Pharaoh, those half-pint slaves are &quot;exodusing&quot; as we speak.
:'''Skinner''': Well, I say good riddance to bad rubbish.
:'''Wiggum''': Okay, but who's gonna build your pyramids?
:'''Skinner''': Well, we-- After them!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Milhouse as Moses''': (Israelites reach the Red Sea as the Egyptians chase them) Screw this! I'm converting. Save us, O Mighty Ra!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Slave Lisa''': Now we have 40 years of wandering in the desert.
:'''Milhouse/Moses''': Forty years? But after that, it's clear sailing for the Jews, right?
:'''Slave Lisa''': Uh, more or less...Hey, is that manna?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bart/David''': Goliath II is gonna pay. And ''this'' time, it's ''biblical.''

===''[[w:Mom and Pop Art|Mom and Pop Art]]''===
:''[Homer tries to build a barbecue pit, but all the set's content spills out of box and onto cement bed, and when he takes them out and puts them on the barrow filled with bricks, the bricks fall in as well; Homer then tries to put the pit together as much as he can before the concrete dries, but the instructions are covered in wet cement]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': English side ruined! Must use French instructions! ''Le grille''? What the hell is that?!
:''[Cut to some time later, as it appears the pit was built exactly as the box showed]''
:'''Homer''': Yeah, that's one fine looking barbecue pit. ''[it is revealed to be the design on the box, as the real end result is a jumbled mess]'' WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?! ''[screams in rage, starts hitting pit with a crowbar] WHY?!'' Why must life be so hard?! Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?!
:''[Cut to kitchen, as Marge is making a cake and Bart is licking a popsicle]''
:'''Marge''': How's your father's project coming along?
:'''Bart''': I think he's almost done. ''[He looks out, as we see Homer charge towards pit with an umbrella whilst screaming, shove it into an opening, and fall backwards as it opens up]'' Yeah, he's done.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is getting hit by soup cans thrown by [[Andy Warhol|Andy Warhol]]]''
:'''[[Andy Warhol]]''': Soup's on, fat boy.
:''[Homer is on the ground whimpering. Warhol approaches him with a larger soup can. Homer awakes from the dream.]''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Andy! No!
:'''[[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer! Homer!
:'''Homer''': [waking up] Oh, Marge! Why does art hate me? I never did anything to art. ''[he holds up his arm, his fist is through one of Andy Warhol's Soup Can paintings]'' Oh. Let's get out of here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': ''[as he looks at a picture of &quot;Life in Hell&quot;'s Akbar and Jeff]'' Matt Groening? What's he doing in a museum? He can barely draw.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skinner''': Edna, look! A dimmer switch could ratchet up the romance in our love nest.
:'''Krabappel''': You mean the janitor's closet? Ha!
:'''Skinner''': Oh, what's the matter, Edna? Lately you just say &quot;ha!&quot; to everything.
:'''Krabappel''': I want a baby... Now! ''[Bart is watching them]''
:'''Skinner''': Why don't we continue this in Pool Supplies?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': How about it, Bart? Would you like a new backyard barbecue pit?
:'''Bart''': Can I burn evidence in it?
:'''Homer''': We can ''all'' burn evidence in it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Homer attempts to get rid of the barbecue pit by putting it in the &quot;Toys for Tots&quot; bin...]''
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yeah, hold on there, Santa Claus. That box is for toys only.
:'''Homer''': Well, of course! Any kid would love to have this ... activity center. It teaches them while they learn!
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Yeah, nice try, Saint Nick. Now hit the road, Kris Kringle!
:'''Homer''': But...but--
:'''Chief Wiggum''': You heard me, ''[pokes Homer's gut with nightstick]'' Père Noël. ''[Homer puts the barbecue pit on the cart and leaves; Fat Tony, Legs, and Louie come and dump a body in a bag into the bin]'' Whatcha got there?
:'''Louie''': Beanie Baby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Astrid''': Your husband's work is what we call &quot;outsider art&quot;. It could be by a mental patient, or a hillbilly, or a chimpanzee.
:'''Homer''': [gasps] In high school I was voted &quot;Most Likely to Be a Mental Patient, Hillbilly, or Chimpanzee&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Lisa, all great artists love free food. Check out Jasper Johns.
:'''Jasper Johns''': [stuffs food into his jacket] You squeal on me, I'll kill you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': Homie, I'm really happy you sold your sculpture, but don't you think it may have been a fluke?
:'''Homer''': Hey, I've always had an interest in art, dating back to my schoolgirl days when I painted portrait after portrait of Ringo Starr.
:'''Marge''': That's ''my'' life you're describing!
:'''Homer''': I think I remember my own life, Marge.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Moe, this is Astrid, my dealer, and these are my fans: Gunter, Kilto, and Cecil Hamstead on Cecil Cecil.
:'''Moe''': So, uh, you guys are Euro trash, huh? How's that, uh, workin' out for ya?
:'''Gunter''': Eh, to be honest, we are a drift in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex.
:'''Moe''': Uh-huh, so where might this sea be located?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gunther''': You've gone from hip to boring. Why don't you call us when you get to kitsch.
:'''Cecil Hampstead-on-Cecil Cecil''': Come on Gunther, Kyoto. If we hurry we can still catch the heroin craze.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homer''': Why don't people like my art anymore?
:'''Marge''': Homer, I know you worked hard, but all of your ... things were kind of the same.
:'''Homer''': Hey, Ray Jay Johnson never changed his act, and he's more popular now than he's ever been.
:'''Lisa''': Who?
:'''Homer''': &quot;You can call him Ray, or you can call him Jay, or you can call him Ray Jay, but you doesn't have to call him...&quot;
:'''Lisa''': I'm sick of him already.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer and Bart are throwing welcome mats out of the car windows, covering up the street drains]''
:'''Bart''': Hit the road, &quot;Welcome home&quot;!
:'''Homer''': Adiós, &quot;Casa de Flanders&quot;!
:'''Bart''': See you in Hell, &quot;God bless this house&quot;!
:'''Homer''': So long, &quot;The Simpsons&quot;! ...D'oh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Homer opens up the fire hydrants]''
:'''Bart''': Are you sure this is art and not vandalism?
:'''Homer''': That's for the courts to decide, son.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Homer floods Springfield]''
:'''Astrid''': ''[while floating on a log]'' I love it, Homer! You've turned this town into a work of art! I just wish Jasper Johns hadn't stolen my boat.
:'''Jasper Johns''': ''[speeds by on a motorboat which splashes Astrid]'' So long, suckers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flanders''': Maude, it's a miracle! The Lord has drowned the wicked and spared the righteous.
:'''Maude''': ''[gasps]'' Isn't that Homer Simpson?
:'''Flanders''': Looks like heaven's easier to get into than Arizona State.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': Well, Homer, I have to admit, you created something people really love. You truly are an artist.
:'''Homer''': No, I'm just a nut who couldn't build a barbecue.

===''[[w:The Old Man and The &quot;C&quot; Student|The Old Man and The &quot;C&quot; Student]]''===
:'''[[w:Abraham Simpson|Abe]]''': Settle a bet. Boil or mole?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]]''': Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?
:'''Superintendent Chalmers''': Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball State, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?
:''(Bart is about to say something when Skinner quickly puts his hand over his mouth)''
:'''[[w:Seymour Skinner|Principal Skinner]]''': Uh, don't worry, sir. I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of community service.
:''(the children walk offstage, groaning and moaning)''
:'''[[w:Ralph Wiggum|Ralph]]''': Intercourse?
:'''Nelson:''' What if we refuse?
:'''Skinner:''' You won't pass to the next grade!
:'''Nelson:''' I fail to see the threat.
:'''Chalmers''': SKINNER! Good idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Try to make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.
:''(Bart looks at Skinner, and Skinner waves his hands &quot;no&quot;)''

===''[[w:Monty Can't Buy Me Love|Monty Can't Buy Me Love]]''===
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': It's time to win the love of these hate-filled morons.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Appraisal Lady''': At auction, I'd expect this to sell for $20-30,000. Except that on the handle, somebody's carved &quot;Homer Rocks!&quot;
:'''Homer''': And I do! WOO!!
:'''Appraisal Lady''': Appraised value: $15.
:'''Moe''': I'm gonna kill him! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!! ''[picks up Skinner's antique gun, which disintegrates]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Montgomery Burns|Mr. Burns]]''': The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire. Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Burns''': Simpson! I want to be loved.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': Well, I'll need some beer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Selma''': Single? He passes the Selma test!

===''[[w:They Saved Lisa's Brain|They Saved Lisa's Brain]]''===
:''(Homer talks to the boudoir photographer over the phone)''
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': You're not going to ask me to pose nude, are you?
:'''Photographer''': Well, yes, unless you have issues about revealing your body.
:'''Homer''': I don't, but the block association seems to. ''They'' wanted a &quot;traditional&quot; Santa.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]]''': ''[writing her letter]'' We can better ourselves!
:''[Lisa then sees a naked Bart riding a pig in the hallway]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[to herself]'' Well, most of us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Stephen Hawking and Homer go for beers at Moe's]''
:'''[[Stephen Hawking]]''': Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.
:'''Homer''': Wow. I can't believe someone I never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.
:'''Moe''': All right, it's closing time. Who's payin' the tab?
:'''Homer''': ''[imitating Hawking's voice]'' I am.
:'''[[Stephen Hawking]]''': I didn't say that.
:'''Homer''': ''[still imitating Hawking]'' Yes, I did. ''[Hawking hits Homer in the face with the boxing glove from his wheelchair]'' D'oh.

===''[[w:Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo|Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo]]''===
:'''Groundskeeper Willie''': Let's see what's been captured in the Up-Kilt camera. Ugh, this lass needs a bit of groundskeepin'. Agh, that's Willie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': Hawaii here we come!
:'''Lisa''' No, no. We're going to Paris I can feel it.
:'''Bart''': Come on Transylvania
:'''Homer''' ''(Jamaican accent)'' No mon, let's go home to Jamaica. I and I been in Babylon too long!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''PA:''' Welcome to Japan, folks. The local time is tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marge''': C'mon Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked [[Rashomon]].
:'''Homer''': That's not how ''I'' remember it. Besides if we wanted to see Japanese people, we could've gone to the zoo.
:'''Marge''': ''(offended by Homer's allegedly racist comment)'' Homer!
:'''Homer''': What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He was in my book club.
:'''Lisa''': Look, Mom, the safety instructions are written in haiku.
:           &quot;Fasten seat belts tight.
:            Your seat cushions float gently.
:            Headsets, five dollars.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Japanese toilet''': Welcome. I am honored to accept your waste.
:'''[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': (gasps) They're years ahead of us!
:'''Bart''': ''(as he turns on the TV in the next room)'' Mom, Lis, check it out, Dad's on TV.
:'''Homer''': ''(unzips his pants and sits on the toilet)'' Oh, yeah!
:'''Marge, Bart and Lisa''': ''(from the next room)'' Agghh!
:'''Homer''': [Japanese version of D'oh! in English subtitles]
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Captain''': Uh, folks, we’re experiencing some moderate [[w:Godzilla|Godzilla]]-related turbulence at this time, so I’m going to go ahead and ask you to put your seatbelts back on. When we get to 35 thousand feet, he usually does let go, so from there on out, all we have to worry about is [[w:Mothra|Mothra]], and, uh, we do have reports he’s tied up with [[w:Gamera|Gamera]] and [[w:Rodan|Rodan]] at the present time. Thank you very much.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lenny''': Hey, isn't that Homer on the Japanese channel?
:'''Moe''': Wait a minute. If that's Homer, who's been putting beers on his tab?
:'''Barney''': ''[dressed unconvincingly as Homer]'' D'oh! Woo-hoo! Uh.... That boy ain't right!

&lt;noinclude&gt;
{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons, Season 10}}
[[Category:The Simpsons seasons]]
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  <page>
    <title>Pope John Paul I</title>
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      <text bytes="11339" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Pope John Paul I|Pope John Paul I]]''' (Latin: '''''Ioannes Paulus I'''''), born '''Albino Luciani''' ([[October 17]], [[1912]] &amp;ndash; [[September 28]], [[1978]]), reigned as pope and as sovereign of Vatican City from [[August 26]] to September 28, 1978. His 33-day papacy was one of the shortest reigns in papal history. He is remembered for his friendliness and humility, and is nicknamed &quot;the smiling Pope&quot;.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Pope John Paul I from window - edited.jpg|thumb|Yesterday, a [[funny]] thing happened to me on my way to the Conclave.]]

[[File:C o a John Paul I.svg|thumb|Not [[violence]], but [[love]], can do everything. Let us ask the Lord for the [[grace]] that a new wave of love for our neighbour may sweep over this poor [[world]].]]
* '''I come without five lire. I want to leave without five lire.'''
** On being appointed as Bishop of Vittorio Veneto (December 1958), Luciani declined gifts offered to him by the priests of the diocese; as quoted in ''In God's Name'' (1984) by [[w:David Yallop|David Yallop]], p. 44

* Let me give an example. It is far away in time but a classic case … In 1815, the official French newspaper ''Le Moniteur'', showed its readers how to follow [[Napoleon]]'s progress:''' 'The ''brigand'' flees from the island of Elba''' '; 'The ''usurper'' arrives at Grenoble'; ' ''Napoleon'' enters Lyons';''' 'The ''Emperor'' reaches Paris this evening'.''' What an amazing turnabout! This must not be compared with [[prudence]], just as it isn't prudent to have a stubborn attitude and to take no account of what is obviously real or to become excessively rigid and zealously upright, more loyalist than the king, more papist than the pope.&lt;br /&gt; '''This happens.''' Some people seize on an [[idea]], then bury it and guard it for the rest of their lives, defending it jealously without ever examining it again, without ever trying to check what has become of it after all the rain and wind and storms of events and changes. &lt;br /&gt; '''Those who travel in the stratosphere are in danger of not being prudent, when they are full of knowledge acquired purely from books.''' They can never get away from what is written, are always busy analyzing, pointing out subtleties, perpetually splitting hairs. &lt;br /&gt;'''Life is quite another matter.'''
** &quot;Letter to St Bernard&quot; in ''[[w:Illustrissimi|Illustrissimi]]'' (1976), p. 53

*I am at best on the C list for Pope.
**Remarks to journalists in August 1978, shortly before departing for the Conclave at which he was elected Pope, as quoted in ''In God's Name'' (1984) by [[w:David Yallop|David Yallop]], Ch. 2 : The Empty Throne

* '''Yesterday, a funny thing happened to me on my way to the Conclave.'''
** Address to the crowd in St Peter's Square (27 August 1978), the day after his election, as quoted in ''In God's Name'' (1987) by [[w:David Yallop|David Yallop]], p. 132

* We wish to continue in following up the legacy of the Second Vatican Council whose wise regulations have still to be led to their fulfilment, being careful that a push, generous perhaps, but unduly timed, does not detract from the content and meaning of the council, and on the other hand being careful and reined and timid efforts do not slow up the magnificent drive of renewal and of life.
**Address to the crowd in St Peter's Square (27 August 1978), as quoted in &quot;Pope John Paul will continue policy of reform&quot; by Peter Nichols, in ''The Times'' (28 August 1978), p. 1

* '''We are the objects of undying love on the part of [[God]]. We know: he has always his eyes open on us, even when it seems to be [[dark]]. He is our [[father]]; even more he is our [[mother]].''' He does not want to hurt us, He wants only to do good to us, to all of us. If children are ill, they have additional claim to be loved by their mother. And we too, if by chance we are sick with badness, on the wrong track, have yet another claim to be loved by the Lord.
** [http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_i/angelus/documents/hf_jp-i_ang_10091978_en.html ''Angelus'' (10 September 1978)]; in an audience with Philippine bishops on 28 September 1978, he further elaborated: '''According to tales told by ancient men to attain their political objectives &quot;God is the Father.&quot; According to what we really know &quot;God is the Mother.&quot;'''

* '''People sometimes say: &quot;we are in a society that is all rotten, all dishonest.&quot; That is not true. There are still so many good people, so many honest people.''' Rather, what can be done to improve society? I would say: let each of us try to be good and to infect others with a goodness imbued with the meekness and love taught by Christ. Christ's golden rule was: &quot;do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself. Do to others what you want done to yourself.&quot; 'And he always gave. '''Put on the cross, not only did he forgive those who crucified him, but he excused them. He said: &quot;Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.&quot; This is Christianity, these are sentiments which, if put into practice would help society so much.'''
** [http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_i/angelus/documents/hf_jp-i_ang_24091978_en.html ''Angelus'' (24 September 1978)]

* [[Pope Pius X|Pius X]], in 1906, right here in Rome, had beatified the sixteen Carmelites of Compiègne, martyrs during the French revolution. During the trial they were condemned &quot;to death for fanaticism&quot;. And one of them asked in her simplicity: &quot;Your Honour, what does fanaticism mean?&quot; And the judge: &quot;It is your foolish membership of religion.&quot; &quot;Oh, Sisters, she then said, did you hear, we are condemned for our attachment to faith. What happiness to die for Jesus Christ!&quot; &lt;br /&gt; They were brought out of the prison of the Conciergerie, and made to climb into the fatal cart. On the way they sang hymns; when they reached the guillotine, one after the other knelt before the Prioress and renewed the vow of obedience. Then they struck up &quot;Veni Creator&quot;; the song, however, became weaker and weaker, as the heads of the poor Sisters fell, one by one, under the guillotine. '''The Prioress, Sister Theresa of St Augustine, was the last, and her last words were the following: &quot;Love will always be victorious, love can do everything.&quot; That was the right word, not [[violence]], but [[love]], can do everything. Let us ask the Lord for the [[grace]] that a new wave of love for our neighbour may sweep over this poor [[world]].'''
** ''Angelus'' (24 September 1978)

* Even the young are killing each other.
** Upon hearing that neo-fascist youth had attacked other youth reading a communist paper, as quoted in [http://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2013/sep/30/pope-john-paul-1-death-vatican &quot;From the archive, 30 September 1978: Pope John Paul I dies of heart attack&quot; by George Armstrong, in ''The Guardian'' (30 September 2013)]

== Quotes about John Paul I ==
:&lt;small&gt;Sorted alphabetically by author or source&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Coat of arms of Albino Luciani.svg|thumb|He has been the greatest gift of [[God]], a sunray of God’s [[love]] shining in the [[darkness]] of the [[world]]. ~ [[Mother Teresa]] ]]

* '''Because of this [[virtue]] of his, it only took 33 days for Pope Luciani to win people's [[hearts]].''' In his addresses he always referred to events in practical life, from his family memories and from popular wisdom. His simplicity was a vehicle for a solid, rich teaching which, thanks to the gift of an exceptional memory and a vast knowledge, he embellished with numerous citations from ecclesiastical and secular writers. Thus, he was an incomparable catechist, following in the footsteps of [[St Pius X]], who came from the same region and was his predecessor first on the throne of [[w:St Mark|St Mark]] and then on that of [[St Peter]]. &quot;We must feel small before God&quot;, he said during the same Audience. And he added,''' &quot;I am not ashamed to feel like a child before his mother; one believes in one's mother; I believe in the Lord, in what he has revealed to me&quot;. These words reveal the full depth of his [[faith]].''' As we thank [[God]] for having given him to the church and to the world, let us treasure his example, striving to cultivate his same [[humility]] which enabled him to talk to everyone, especially the small and the &quot;distant&quot;. For this, let us invoke Mary Most Holy, the humble handmaid of the Lord&quot;.
** [[Pope Benedict XVI]], in ''Angelus'' (28 September 2008)

* '''Pope John Paul could have been a [[revolutionary]] Pope. He already had put aside the pompous trappings which went with the Papal coronation.''' Almost certainly he would have seen that the Vatican's mysterious finances, and financial dealings, were made public, and perhaps set them on a more pastoral track. &lt;br /&gt; In Venice, he had urged his parish priest to sell the gold and jewels which people had donated to a saint or the Virgin Mary, and to use the money to help the needy. Had he carried it out in the Vatican, it would have been a revolutionary act.
** George Armstrong, in [http://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2013/sep/30/pope-john-paul-1-death-vatican &quot;From the archive, 30 September 1978: Pope John Paul I dies of heart attack&quot;, in ''The Guardian'' (30 September 2013)]

* '''For my part, he was [[God]]'s candidate.'''
** Cardinal [[Basil Hume]], Archbishop of Westminster, as quoted in &quot;Pope John Paul will continue policy of reform&quot;, in ''The Times'' (28 August 1978), p. 1

* '''It seems to us that only yesterday he emerged from this assembly of ours to put on the papal robes — not a light weight.''' But what warmth of charity, nay, what &quot;an abundant outpouring of love&quot; — which came forth from him in the few days of his ministry and which in his last Sunday address before the Angelus he desired should come upon the world. This is also confirmed by his wise instructions to the faithful who were present at his public audiences on faith, hope and love.
** [[Pope John Paul II]], in ''Urbi et Orbi'' (17 October 1978)

* '''He has been the greatest gift of [[God]], a sunray of God’s [[love]] shining in the [[darkness]] of the [[world]].'''
** [[Mother Teresa]], as quoted in [http://www.dcdiocese.org/news/commentary/4372-ablino-luciani-pope-john-paul-i &quot;Albino Luciani (Pope John Paul I) 1912-1978&quot; in ''Southwest Kansas Register'' (21 September 2012)]

* '''Luciani began to think very seriously of becoming a [[w:Jesuit|Jesuit]].''' He watched as first one, then a second, of his close friends went to the rector, Bishop Giouse Cattarossi, and asked for permission to join the Jesuit order. In both instances the permission was granted to them. Luciani would soon make his decision, and so he went and asked for permission. The bishop considered the request, then responded, &quot;No, three is one too many. You had better stay here.&quot;
** [[w:David Yallop|David Yallop]], in ''In God's Name : An Investigation into the Murder of Pope John Paul I'' (1985), p. 16

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat|Ioannes Paulus I}}
* [http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_i/index.htm Vatican profile]
* [http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_i/angelus/ ''Angelus''/Regina Coeli]
* [http://www.papalartifacts.com/pope/38 Papal artifacts]

{{DEFAULTSORT:John Paul 01}}
[[Category:Popes]]
[[Category:Anti-communists]]
[[Category:1912 births]]
[[Category:1978 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Veneto]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>User talk:Eaglestorm</title>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:21:14Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* WQ:LOQ is NOT an official policy. */ new section</comment>
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      <text bytes="29742" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)

== [[WQ:LOQ]] is NOT an official policy. ==

It’s an unofficial ''guideline''. Your relentless enforcement of it is purely disruptive. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:21, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>7shtwi96zsoxx11zgcsert40z2x302h</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146184</id>
      <parentid>3146179</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:22:41Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Undo revision 3146179 by [[Special:Contributions/Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]])and you aren't disruptive yourself? stop trying to have a riser every time i work</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="29515" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>j6fkoq4lawoypw4p6af1htkqh079gv9</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146185</id>
      <parentid>3146184</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:23:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Undo revision 3146184 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) that’s just rude, do you really want another block?</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="29742" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)

== [[WQ:LOQ]] is NOT an official policy. ==

It’s an unofficial ''guideline''. Your relentless enforcement of it is purely disruptive. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:21, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>7shtwi96zsoxx11zgcsert40z2x302h</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146186</id>
      <parentid>3146185</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:24:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Undo revision 3146185 by [[Special:Contributions/Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]])combative vandalism of talk page</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="29515" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>j6fkoq4lawoypw4p6af1htkqh079gv9</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146187</id>
      <parentid>3146186</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:25:53Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Undo revision 3146186 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) this is hardly vandalism, you are being infinitely more disruptive here with your refusal to negotiate. I am reporting you immediately</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="29742" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)

== [[WQ:LOQ]] is NOT an official policy. ==

It’s an unofficial ''guideline''. Your relentless enforcement of it is purely disruptive. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:21, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>7shtwi96zsoxx11zgcsert40z2x302h</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146188</id>
      <parentid>3146187</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:27:32Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
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      <comment>/* WQ:LOQ is NOT an official policy. */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="29899" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)

== [[WQ:LOQ]] is NOT an official policy. ==

It’s an unofficial ''guideline''. Your relentless enforcement of it is purely disruptive. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:21, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
:you really have a obsession with taking me down. It's just rich. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:27, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>6akk2bo8dl96d71jxnomv3t6b3f93c5</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146190</id>
      <parentid>3146188</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:29:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* WQ:LOQ is NOT an official policy. */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="29954" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)

== [[WQ:LOQ]] is NOT an official policy. ==

It’s an unofficial ''guideline''. Your relentless enforcement of it is purely disruptive. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:21, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
:you really have a obsession with taking me down. It's just rich. and you have the nerve to ask how did I get unblocked? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:27, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>sg5lwaojl3e1r91ovcx73bj3btfuxjm</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146192</id>
      <parentid>3146190</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:30:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* WQ:LOQ is NOT an official policy. */ Reply</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="30304" xml:space="preserve">== Welcome ==
Hi {{PAGENAME}}. [[Wikiquote:Welcome, newcomers|Welcome]] to [[Wikiquote:About|English Wikiquote]].
* For a quick overview of what Wikiquote is, read [[Wikiquote:Wikiquote]].
* To ask for help or to talk with another editor, visit our [[Wikiquote:Village pump|Village pump]].
* To browse Wikiquote, take a look at our [[Wikiquote:Browse|browsing start page]].
* To sign with a date, write four tildes (~&amp;#126;~~) and save.
* Before creating new articles, consult our [[Wikiquote:Guide to layout|guide]]. You may practice [[Wikiquote:How to edit a page|how to edit a page]] at [[Wikiquote:Sandbox|Sandbox]].
* [[w:Wikipedia:Be bold|Be bold]].
Enjoy! ~ [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 05:14, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

== [[That '70s Show]] ==
Hello, thank you for your contribution,　but [[That '70s Show]] is a copyrighted work and it has its own limit to addition.

Before your next editing, please give a careful look to our ongoing discussion about copyrighted works and guidelines from quoting such works on [[WQ:VP]]. Thanks. --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 21:30, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

== [[James Bond]] ==
Hey Eaglestorm, I noticed that you removed links I added to James Bond pages for audio on Entertonement, isn't that stuff exactly the objective of Wikiquote? I found that stuff there and spent a decent amount of time adding the relevant links, and I don't think that it qualifies for spamming as you noted in your edit. Would appreciate a response, thanks! --[[User:love.of.bond.of.love|love.of.bond.of.love]]

== Gattaca ==
I'm just wondering if you intentionally or accidentally removed the pictures from the article [[Gattica]] when you cleaned it up.  If you did it intentionally, I'm fine with that, but I was just unsure after looking at the article and seeing your edit summary.  If it was an accident, just message me, and I'll merge them back into the article.  Otherwise, no harm done.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 02:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

:Just giving the topic here a '''bump''' because there is no response yet.  ''[[User:Peace and Passion|Peace and Passion]] ([[User talk:Peace and Passion|&quot;I'm listening....&quot;]])'' 23:38, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

== Honneamise ==
What is the point of filling up the article with technobabble like in https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikiquote/en/w/index.php?title=The_Wings_of_Honnêamise&amp;action=historysubmit&amp;diff=1047256&amp;oldid=1047156 ?
A quotes page is not good in proportion to its length; it is good because of good quotes. --[[User:Gwern|Gwern]] 14:22, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
:Hi Gwern, I know you've been such a pain in the neck to people trying to edit Gainax pages in Wikipedia - yeah, I know everything you and your cohorts did over there, but spare me the BS you do there by not doing it here, especially in a page I created. Good day. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] 04:35, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

== [[Down Periscope]] ==
I've protected this page for a day to put at least a temporary hold on the continued edit war you have engaged in with another user. Please try to be more constructive in your edits to this and other pages. I happen to agree with the current set of quotes - and I properly formatted the director and writer section (which you removed during your war). Justifying your edits as a loq trim is not really helpful either, because that does not appear to be your true motive - instead it appears to be more of a dispute over content and selection of quotes. If you wish to engage in this type of discussion, a better place would be on the talk page rather than continuing these edit wars. Please consider acting in a more constructive manner. Many of your past edits have been helpful, but this type of activity is not. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:56, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:That anon has been a problem editor for years and it seems he couldn't leave it alone. That guy has been whining about the quote limit for a long time. I have no respect for such people. If he can't even hack the limits, get out. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 02:02, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
::Again, I understand the sentiment, but it would be better to be more civil in trying to enforce the limits. And how has this user been a problem editor? If you are referring to arguing against the limits, I don't see this as being a problem, since a wiki community is all about discussion and almost continual evolution and revision of its rules and guidelines. I believe a healthy debate is beneficial to the project, but only if it is carried out in a civil manner. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 02:24, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
:::'I don't like that user,' he says on your talk page? He frets and bitches out over the games limitations and he wants to turn his attention to other avenues? Fuck him very much! and because of that, I will definitely go after every article he ever fixed and if nobody has trimmed that, I will...when I'm done with him, he'll wish he never messed with me. ''Putang inang anon yan'' (Tagalog for &quot;that son of a bitch anon&quot;) --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 05:19, 7 March 2012 (UTC)

== Once again... ==
Please refrain from editorial and combative comments in your edit summaries - why must you continue to act in an uncivil manner? Should this continue, you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:01, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:UDSCott, why go after me when he reverts my trimming work? You lend credence to his hot-air declarations of me losing against him - which I don't as my work shows. &quot;Combative Edit summaries? You tell him that! I wish there was a WQ version of WP's failure-to-use-improper-edit-summary user talk namespace&quot; message to slap him many times with. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:06, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
::I don't want to try to get between the two of you or pick sides. The point is that you have been asked by multiple people to tone it down and act in a more civil manner and instead you continue to engage in edit wars and to leave snide comments in your edit summaries. Should I see the same from this other user, I would make the same comment against him. The bottom line is that unless you calm down and act in a less combative manner, the problems continue to build. Thank you. [I also restored the topic heading here because my latest comment is not related to the earlier discussion on Down Periscope.] ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 01:21, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
:::Tell him that first - he's doing the wheelwarring by rebloating all those articles already trimmed. He is never going to change - and you're letting the real - for a lack of a better word - criminal here get away as far as violation of LOQ is concerned. And that anon has the NERVE to even forumshop Gwern because he messaged here and to copypaste my recent comment on your talk page as part of his stupid declaration of war? He can shove that up where it doesn't shine. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:39, 10 April 2012 (UTC)

[[File:Ambox warning pn.svg|25px]] Please do not delete legitimate talk page comments as you did [http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Bully&amp;diff=1431389 here.] If you think it is pointless to respond then don't. Removing the comments of those you disagree with is disruptive and uncivil. If you continue to engage in combative behavior you may be blocked from editing without further notice. ~ [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] ([[User talk:Ningauble|talk]]) 15:42, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
:Ningauble, I don't have to visit any talk page to see stuff from unreasonable editors who use edit summaries to highlight their arrogance and forumshop admins. It's baffling that you give me a warning when you don't even rap that guy for his wheel-warring of legitimate trims and improper edit summaries that are much worse than he can label mine as. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:30, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

== Not all pages follow those guidelines, you know. ==

No offensive intended in any way, but I'm surprised that you didn't do anything about ''these'' pages:
*''[[Final Fantasy X]]'' • ''[[Final Fantasy XIII]]''
*''[[Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3]]''
*''[[Xenoblade Chronicles]]''
—[[User:Player017|Player017]] ([[User talk:Player017|talk]]) 08:07, 21 July 2013 (UTC)
:I'm sorry, but your header doesn't convince me. Your justification flies in the face of LOQ guidelines and you can do better by limiting those pages you mentioned instead of coming over here to talk shit. Want to test me? I dare you. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:06, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

== ''[[How I Met Your Mother‎]]'' ==

I am not saying you were wrong in trimming the quotes on this page, but it would have been better to provide a bit more explanation for your edits. It was obvious the other user was unfamiliar with the term LOQ - if you had pointed him to [[WQ:LOQ]], you might have avoided an edit war. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:51, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
:It's not my job to spoonfeed him what he needs to learn. He's playing dumb with his &quot;what's LOQ?&quot; nonsense. He's just like that douche anon from last year. UDScott, the point is, I've long lost my patience with people who thumb their noses at WQ:LOQ and even if he did, he's still a pigheaded freak. If he thinks this LOQ business is over, think again, I might cull all the stuff he worked on to proper LOQ levels - when I'm done with him, he'd wish he never reverted Bedtime Stories under the guise of his nonsense edit summaries.   --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
::It's also not your job to be the ultimate ruler here. Per [[Wikiquote:Policies and guidelines]], it is policy to &quot;'''''Respect other contributors.''' Wikiquote contributors come from many different countries and cultures, and have widely different views. By treating others with respect we are able to cooperate effectively in building a compendium of quotations. For some guidelines, see [[w:Wikipedia:Etiquette|Etiquette]].''&quot; Please keep this in mind - all I am asking is that you not take out your frustration on others by failing to treat them with respect. Certainly there come times when it is no longer possible to remain calm, but in this case, it appeared that you were being deliberately vague and outright hostile from the outset. And continuing to call him names (as you did above - &quot;he's still a pigheaded freak&quot;) does not help anyone. You have a history of such aggressive and hostile discussion and edit summaries - please stop this behavior. Please try to keep your discussions civil. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:08, 3 December 2013 (UTC)
:::As the edit wars between you and another user continue (with continued hostile edit summaries), you are temporarily blocked from editing. Once this block expires, please refrain from this behavior and work to come to some sort of compromise or agreement. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:51, 2 January 2014 (UTC)
::::He started this and he is obviously butthurt that his non-notable quote is being reverted. Sarcasm is the defense of the idiotic, and unfortunately he is one with his hostile edit summaries calling me names - no agreement is possible with people like him - like I said before, he's no different from that 63.XXX anon from two years ago hell even those Feafsgda sockfools. Your block of me is unjust - and how DARE YOU call me the &quot;ultimate ruler&quot;! He ought to work on other articles instead of concentrating on the one article he's been obsessed with reversions these past two weeks. If you think this has to stop, he should make himself scarce. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 15:53, 4 January 2014 (UTC)

:::::Please reply to discussion on [[Talk:How I Met Your Mother|HIMYM talk page]]. --[[User:SuperJew|SuperJew]] ([[User talk:SuperJew|talk]]) 15:10, 15 January 2014 (UTC)
::::::Again, please refrain from engaging in edit wars. I believe that SuperJew has made a reasonable request to discuss the issue at the HIMYM talk page, rather than continually reverting the change. In the absence of such discussion, he assumed there would not be objection to his adding the quote again. If you do not wish to engage in constructive dialogue, and instead continue your current behavior, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:22, 28 January 2014 (UTC)
:::::::I;'m sorry but his ultimatum doesn't work on me and he's desperate. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 14:52, 28 January 2014 (UTC)

== Uncivil responses to efforts at even civl compromise and deference ==

::I firmly support what Kalki has written above and ask that you refrain from continuing an edit war on the ''[[Argo (2012 film)]]'' page. As in the past, continued uncivil behavior in this regard is subject to blocking. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:28, 28 March 2016 (UTC)
:::He's a ranting freak who thinks his condescending tone makes him a better editor. Trimming is trimming and we let people like him violate LOQ just for some notability schtick, why implement this LOQ in the first place? his long blocks are nothing more than TLDR stuff and I'm quite disappointed you &quot;agree&quot; with his frothing off at the mouth, not to mention even letting that other LOQ violator cry on your shoulder. I've deleted his rant because frankly he just couldn't leave things alone and go back to his book quote work. The nerve to using edit summaries for everyone to see how crazy he really is. how did he land an adminship in the first place despite all his past behavior. Dun't know and don't care. The culling continues and if anyone stands in my way, you shouldn't be editing WQ either. I've done nothing wrong, and its him pushing issues. LIMITS ARE LIMITS, and it's hypocritical to see certain people who couldn't understand that. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 06:26, 29 March 2016 (UTC)
::::I'll just make two points (that I've made before): the limits that you so often quote are merely the result of a ''proposed'' policy. It has never been officially adopted. Second, the other criticism that many have leveled at you is that you continue to behave in an uncivil manner, preferring to bully others to get what you want - this will not be tolerated and its continuation will only lead to further blocks (further demonstrated by your threats in this latest post above this one). There is plenty of room on this site for us all to continue to improve it without the need for threats of this kind. Please refrain from it in the future. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:57, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

== ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' ==

As we have in the past, you and I disagree on aspects of the number of quotes permissible for a page. As I have stated before, the guideline you cite as the reason for your edits is merely a ''proposed'' policy that has never been formally adopted. I do agree that there are certainly times when we need to control the amount of cruft that appears on many pages (particularly on TV show pages, where the bloat can become extreme). That guideline also allows for exceptions when a work has a sufficient number of memorable quotes or is considered a &quot;classic&quot;. I believe that this film qualifies and that we should allow more quotes on its page. See for example the page for ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' as an example. I do not believe that any of the quotes that I added back to the page are unmemorable or do not belong there. If we simply blindly enforce strict limits without considering each case individually, I believe we are not serving our community in the best way possible. And again, the guideline is ''proposed'', not a formal policy. I will not yet revert, as I do not wish to engage in an edit war, but I am trying to instead engage you in a discussion as to why you feel so strongly that these quotes should be removed. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 6 November 2020 (UTC)
:I am asking again for your comment on what I have written. In the absence of a counterargument, I will bring my argument to the film's talk page before ultimately replacing the quotes on the page. Remember, I am not against limiting quotes for pages where that makes sense (and I have helped with this effort many times in the past and continue to do so), but I believe that certain pages qualify as exceptions to the rule - this being one of them. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

== [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] ==

Will you please stop changing my comma back to a period in the [[Star Wars (film)|''Star Wars'']] page? I’m not the arrogance here. I’ve been trying to solve a problem that I started in the Han vs. Greedo quote. [[User:AdamDeanHall|AdamDeanHall]] ([[User talk:AdamDeanHall|talk]]) 01:27, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
:and crywhining to UDScott helps your cause? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:11, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

== Christian M. (2016)... ==

...needs to be reported to the [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard|Administrators' Noticeboard]] and [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress‎|VIP]]. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 14:23, 22 February 2021 (UTC)
:You have my approval. He's clearly gone off the deep end if his edits over the past several weeks have shown anything. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:42, 23 February 2021 (UTC)
::And for future reference, focus solely on the hard facts. Your color commentary against Christian M. is only going to run the risk of botching the report. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 23:14, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
:::It's not botching anything. &quot;color commentary...&quot; wasn't it a fact that he got called out for coming aboard instead of spamming individual editors? I don't have to see what that shitbag has stated knowing he ruined my experience in another project. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:31, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
* I understand that you two are engaged in some protracted dispute, but &quot;lying fool&quot; and &quot;shitbag&quot; are somewhat below the standard expectations of civility, not just here, but across projects. I'm not super familiar, and I've never really been involved in pages on works of fiction, but as DD points out above, you're not really doing yourself any favors by tossing vitriol, in the case you want somebody to take your side on the issue. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:22, 30 March 2021 (UTC)
::Yes, being civil may have been an option, when you got a recalcitrant like him who makes unnecessary edits and pressgangs people into being allies that only exist in his mind, there's nothing dignifying about him. His rantings of &quot;I can't give up on the site&quot; are no different from Linus losing his security blanket. Too many cosmetic changes.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:28, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

== Uncivil behavior ==

Once again, I must warn against what appears to be uncivil behavior. {{user|98.216.67.148}} has asked you to explain the removal of quotes on a page - rather than just answer the question and move on, you are continually removing the question from your Talk page and refusing to address it. Please reconsider and act in a different manner. This type of behavior is not conducive to a constructive community. If this continues, you will be blocked. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:13, 17 May 2021 (UTC)
:Thank you (98.216.67.148) 16:02 17 May 2021 (UTC)
::And yet, despite the warnings, you continue to act in an uncivil manner towards others (see the comment you left here: [[User talk:Steinmetz2020]]) This is your last warning. If you again act in this way towards other users (despite whatever behavior they may have exhibited), you will be blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:51, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
:::Hey he deserved that heat trying to think he knows me from before and there's a laundry list of suspects who have gradually built up an alliance against me. and &quot;whatever behavior they may have exhibited&quot;... they drew first blood with their trying to barge in and imposing their own ideas, right down to that guy who had to invent a &quot;father&quot; response to prove his point. You on the other hand, should have done better by deleting those edits of his from the official record in addition to a global lock as had been done with other SPA troll editors over the years who think they get better sleep from throwing insults at me.
:::and as for that anon did he put you up to this? Besides, he ought to have researched why it was done instead of me spoonfeeding him. You threaten me with another block? Great, play yourself more into the hands of people who see me as the last hurdle to their running wild with acts such as copyvio bloats. I'm not in the wrong here, and I will not kowtow to anyone. You think I express &quot;uncivil behaviour&quot;? I'm simply telling them in very direct ways and they are so weak and slighted. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 01:51, 19 May 2021 (UTC)

== ''[[Black Widow (2021 film)]]'' ==

Just a quick note: LOQ does not include taglines, only quotes from the film. I'm not looking to add anything to this page, but I noticed your edit comment. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:22, 26 July 2021 (UTC)
:I never said anything to that effect. I just figured the LOQ based from the WP article. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 23:26, 26 July 2021 (UTC)

== Your comment on Christian  ==

Hello, Eaglestorm, nice to meet you. Thank you for your reminder on his talk. I don't comment on that, but it would be a good occasion to exchange greetings with you, so I come here just to say hello. I read discussions on the above, and notice your old comment on civility. I'm happy to know you admit civility might be an option. I'd be much happier to agree  with you civility is the first basis of all cooperation. It is not mere an option, but categorical imperative of human society in my opinion. Cheers, --[[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] ([[User talk:Aphaia|talk]]) 07:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
:Hi thank you, but given his long history of issues under the guise of mental illness, when you try to be civil, you can only take so much. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 00:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
::Civility is something that must be kept at all times, there's not a matter of taking so much or anything like that. No matter how much of a pain the other person may be, you must stay civil. [[Special:Diff/3056740|This]], for example, is just completely unnecessary, so is [[Special:Diff/3051765|this]]. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:07, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
:::Ferien, he has long been a problem thats why he was labelled as such. He can't leave anything alone. I no longer have respect for him.--[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 11:36, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
::::If you can't speak to someone in a civil manner then you shouldn't really be speaking to them at all. Looking above and below I can see you've received countless messages about uncivil behaviour from you. And I see you had similar problems on enwiki a while ago. Please treat this as a warning. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:14, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
::::::Wow, Ferien. You want to dredge up stuff from another wiki I don't even try to log in to circumvent blocks (unlike some people who've messed with me before)just to defend that guy who can't leave well enough alone? please. So saying in very raw terms is being &quot;uncivil&quot;. Then about his promises to leave the site but doesn't have the guts to be true to his word? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 09:17, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
:::::::No, I'm not necessarily saying someone else's behaviour is right, I am not trying to defend anyone. Tbh I am not fully aware of the situation with Christian M., I am not very active here. But it's the incivility that is the problem. If they are a troll, [[:w:WP:DENY|deny recognition]] please, instead of being uncivil with them. Thank you,--[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 22:27, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

== Be Civil! ==

Your uncivil behaviour [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User_talk:Christian_M._(2016) here] is unacceptable even when dealing with problematic users. You may get yourself blocked . Cheers --[[User:Synoman Barris|Synoman Barris]] ([[User talk:Synoman Barris|talk]]) 12:20, 11 January 2022 (UTC)
:Hi Synoman Barris, It's not being about civil anymore, it's about reining in people like him who just couldn't take a hint that he's a chronic problem. He's been the subject of a noticeboard report and he's lied many times about leaving the site. I no longer trust him to be of any use, but he should just go away. the hell with him. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2022 (UTC)

== Rationale ==

Hi Eaglestorm,

Could you help me understand the reason for this [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Back_to_the_Future_Part_II&amp;type=revision&amp;diff=3069444&amp;oldid=3069429 revert]? I've not contributed much to Wikiquote's content but I thought it matched conventions and formatting I observed so far. Thanks! --[[User:Krinkle|Krinkle]] ([[User talk:Krinkle|talk]]) 04:36, 8 February 2022 (UTC)

== Edit warring ==

{{test5}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:20, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

:When this block expires (in one hour), ''please'' take a breath and stop the edit warring that is not helpful to anyone. Please work to resolve your differences in a civil manner. Thanks. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:23, 4 March 2022 (UTC)

== Blocked ==

{{test5}} 

:As I warned, your continued refusal to act in a civil manner towards other users has resulted in this latest block. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:28, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::You didn't warn me with anything but you let that guy go wild on his accusations? His claims are simply based on plain stalking. If he thinks he's gonna be the one whiteknight hero, he's got another thing coming and congrats too UDScott for playing into the hands of people with agendas against me. And yeah I needed a break from the toxicity that editor has spawned - THE NERVE TO use that user page as citation for his laundry list. What a [term suppressed due to NPA] --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 16:33, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
:::Actually, I did warn you on the Admin's noticeboard, where I wrote: &quot;Eaglestorm, I believe that the case laid out here is quite strong and shows a pattern of abuse by you towards other users and some sort of belief that you own the pages contained in this site. The next incident of such behavior (whether in edit summaries or direct discussion with another user) will result in a block - no further warnings will be given.&quot; This block was of your own making, when you refused to act in a civil manner, something that I and others have asked of you for some time. Perhaps, when the block is over, you will reconsider your actions and behave differently towards other users, especially those with which you disagree. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:27, 4 March 2022 (UTC)
::I take offense that one user is stripping the LOQ limits on Avengers Endgame [[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Avengers:_Endgame&amp;curid=215577&amp;diff=3082915&amp;oldid=2589949|Endgame]] for purposes of their own, accusing me of &quot;lording&quot;. Seems they are the ones doing the very things I am being accused of. --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 08:16, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
:::You have a clear pattern of bad faith activity. I have little reason to presume you didn’t just tag the article for your own purposes. Do you have any evidence anyone but you and DawgDeputy endorse the tag? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 00:47, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
::::Dronebogus, you need to stand down a bit on this. The addition of the tag is completely appropriate and is something that is often added to film pages (which are particularly prone to having to many quotes). Why are you continuing to prolong this argument. I suggest you move on to other things and leave this alone. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:50, 7 March 2022 (UTC)

== [[WQ:LOQ]] is NOT an official policy. ==

It’s an unofficial ''guideline''. Your relentless enforcement of it is purely disruptive. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:21, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
:you really have a obsession with taking me down. It's just rich. and you have the nerve to ask how did I get unblocked? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:27, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
::Maybe if you weren’t constantly enforcing a non-policy then being uncivil to literally everyone around you when you’re called out on it, we’d get along better. Have you learned literally nothing from getting kicked off Wikipedia and blocked twice here? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:30, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Ayumi Hamasaki</title>
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    <id>48051</id>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Ahti-Saku</username>
        <id>3126681</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="14994" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Ayumi Hamasaki 2007.jpg|thumb|I don't have dreams. How can I say it? I myself am a dream.]]
'''[[w:Ayumi Hamasaki|Ayumi Hamasaki]]''' (born [[October 2]], [[1978]]) is a [[Japan|Japanese]] pop [[singer]].


== Quotes ==
[[File:Ayumi Hamasaki in Paris.jpg|thumb|I don't set goals. Like, that's what I want to be doing however many years from now. I do what I love to do at the moment.]]
[[File:Ayusign.png|thumb|My job is simply to be myself, to be Ayumi Hamasaki.]]
[[File:あゆマーク (6282882117).jpg|thumb|If people will listen, I will go anywhere in the world!]]

* It is necessary that I am viewed as a product. I am a product.
* I don't have dreams. How can I say it? I myself am a dream.
* I don't set goals. Like, that's what I want to be doing however many years from now. I do what I love to do at the moment.
* I thought Mommy's life was strange, not mine.
**''Interview with ''[[W:Time (magazine)|Time]]'', 2002'' [http://web.archive.org/web/20020403141617/http://www.time.com/time/asia/features/ayumi_hamasaki/int_ayumi2.html]

*  My job is simply to be myself, to be Ayumi Hamasaki.
* [...]Everyone has a secret. Right? Of course I have a secret. I think maybe you too?
* I don't want to become adult!
* If people will listen, I will go anywhere in the world!
* Music is my life, if I am without music or if I can't sing any more, I die, I'm nothing...because music is everything.
* [...] I don't know my future. I don't know about tomorrow. I can just control for today or present, right now. [...] I don't want to think about future too much, because present is most important for me. 
**''Interview with ''TalkAsia'', November 2007''
*…I guess the very first thing is to own your true self, and that includes achieving the point of not lying to others; the first step should be not lying to yourself.
** ''Interview with ''Cawaii'', December 2007''

== Lyrics == 
=== ''[[w:A Song for XX|A Song for XX]]'' ===
* By your faith in people, you will someday be betrayed.&lt;br&gt;I thought it was the same as being rejected.&lt;br&gt;At the time I didn't have that kind of strength.&lt;br&gt;Certainly, I knew too much.&lt;br&gt;It was said that I was a strong child.&lt;br&gt;I was praised, saying &quot;you must have strength not to cry&quot;&lt;br&gt;The more things like that were said,&lt;br&gt;the more even laughing was painful.
** ''A Song for XX''

=== ''[[w:Loveppears|Loveppears]]'' ===
* The lovers, appearing happy,&lt;br&gt;walk, holding hands.&lt;br&gt;Though it appears everything is perfect, &lt;br&gt;only they know the truth.
** ''[[w:appears|Appears]]''

* Who taught me true strength?&lt;br&gt;Who taught me kindness?&lt;br&gt;Whom do I walk for?&lt;br&gt;Who did I want to stroke my hair?&lt;br&gt;Who didn't give up for me?&lt;br&gt;I'll never forget.
** ''Who...''

*When I lost my way, and&lt;br&gt;When the road was too long,&lt;br&gt;I was muttering to myself.&lt;br&gt;Life is just that way...&lt;br&gt;
** ''Who...'' 

* Today's happy face, today's sad face.&lt;br&gt;Yesterday, a weak self, tomorrow, a strong self.&lt;br&gt;If it's you, who are you showing it to?&lt;br&gt; If it's I, whom should I show it to?
** ''[[w:A (song)|Trauma]]'' 

=== ''[[w:Duty (album)|Duty]]'' ===
* Everyone, including I, is certain&lt;br&gt;that &quot;that thing&quot; they're searching for&lt;br&gt;is in the future.&lt;br&gt;But how many people have realized&lt;br&gt;that &quot;that&quot; is actually in the past?&lt;br&gt;I can't even guess.
** ''Duty''

*I saw the end of an age&lt;br&gt;with these, my eyes.&lt;br&gt;But I didn't want to know&lt;br&gt;that it's my turn next.
** ''Duty''

* Choosing only the things you like&lt;br&gt;isn't irresponsible.&lt;br&gt;If you can't find anything you like&lt;br&gt;then why take the responsibility?&lt;br&gt;I take only the possibilities that I'm ready to accept.
** ''[[w:Surreal (Ayumi Hamasaki song)|Surreal]]''

*If you don't need it, then&lt;br&gt;it is useless to be compassionate.&lt;br&gt;If it's important then&lt;br&gt;it will probably be followed with pain.&lt;br&gt;Loneliness that you feel with someone is worse&lt;br&gt;than one you feel&lt;br&gt;alone.
** ''Surreal''

* This year, once again, the seasons have passed.&lt;br&gt;Memories have faded.&lt;br&gt;The border between my blurry dream and&lt;br&gt;reality has become blurred.&lt;br&gt;Even so, the dream I once told you of&lt;br&gt;did not have a single lie.
** ''[[w:Seasons (song)|Seasons]]''

* Today was very sad,&lt;br&gt;and even if tomorrow, I cry,&lt;br&gt;someday I will be able to laugh&lt;br&gt;and remember our time together.&lt;br&gt;How many seasons must pass,&lt;br&gt;in this, our finite existence?&lt;br&gt;If we live in the &quot;now&quot;,&lt;br&gt;what will we find?
**''Seasons''

* You once said long ago&lt;br&gt;while stroking my hair,&lt;br&gt;&quot;When you wake up, there'll be&lt;br&gt;a nice present&lt;br&gt;by your pillow.&quot;
** ''Teddy Bear''

*Your back always&lt;br&gt;looked small and weak&lt;br&gt;but we could laugh together&lt;br&gt;at funny stories.&lt;br&gt;But if people keep making&lt;br&gt;the same mistakes over and over&lt;br&gt;can they really regret them?
** ''Teddy Bear''

* When I woke up, I found&lt;br&gt;by my pillow a teddy bear&lt;br&gt;instead of you.
**''Teddy Bear''

=== ''[[w:I am...|I am...]]'' ===
* Isn't it? It's as if we have just entered a new age&lt;br&gt;It's a miracle;&lt;br&gt;we will never experience it again&lt;br&gt;Let's remember it once more
** ''[[w:Evolution (song)|Evolution]]''

* No matter how far apart we are,&lt;br&gt;don't forget that we're&lt;br&gt;still under the same sky,&lt;br&gt;both traveling to the place&lt;br&gt;we once dreamed of.
** ''[[w:Daybreak (Ayumi Hamasaki song)|Daybreak]]''

* Today, in this city&lt;br&gt;two people will meet and lock eyes;&lt;br&gt;the curtains are then turbulently thrown open.&lt;br&gt;[...] Today, in this city&lt;br&gt;two people will separate their paths;&lt;br&gt;the curtains are then silently lowered.
** ''[[w:M (song)|M]]''

*But, for everything,&lt;br&gt;there is an end, someday, inevitably.
** ''M''

*&quot;Maria&quot; There is someone I should love.&lt;br&gt;At times I sustain deep, deep wounds.&lt;br&gt;But, by the person I should love,&lt;br&gt;they are all healed.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Maria&quot; Everyone is crying.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Maria&quot; But I want to believe.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Maria&quot; So I'm praying now&lt;br&gt;that this is my final love.&lt;br&gt;Beginnings come at random,&lt;br&gt;but endings always have a reason.&lt;br&gt;
**''M''

* But in such a place as this, I can only tell you&lt;br&gt;by singing this song.
** ''[[w:A Song Is Born (song)|A Song Is Born]]''

*If you'd listen, even for a little while&lt;br&gt;I'd be pleased&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Remember, once more&lt;br&gt;we were born into this world crying.&lt;br&gt;Your dreams and hopes for tomorrow&lt;br&gt;are all in this world.
** ''A Song Is Born''

* Remember, once more&lt;br&gt;how our world should be.&lt;br&gt;And please, don't forget,&lt;br&gt;please, please don't forget.
** ''A Song Is Born''

* Surely, no one hoped for so many things.&lt;br&gt;Hold the flowers close to your heart;&lt;br&gt;they may someday bloom.
** ''A Song Is Born''

* If you were alone&lt;br&gt;and suddenly became blind,&lt;br&gt;and even so&lt;br&gt;you keep walking forward.
** ''[[w:Endless sorrow|Endless Sorrow]]''

=== ''[[w:Rainbow (Ayumi Hamasaki album)|Rainbow]]'' ===
[[File:Rainbow in Budapest.jpg|thumb|In a city [world] as dirty as this,&lt;br&gt;You gather up, save, and show me&lt;br&gt;Purely beautiful things.]]
[[File:Mikky summer hanabi festival Hanabi No,45.JPG|thumb|I don't want a weak heart that can't cry&lt;br&gt;or the strength not to cry.&lt;br&gt;I'll search for a shooting&lt;br&gt;Star to cast my wishes on, but&lt;br&gt;Daybreak will come too soon&lt;br&gt;And I won't be able to find one.]]
[[File:Wikivoyage-logo-ja.svg|thumb|We go on this voyage to find happiness.&lt;br&gt;You see? A smile really suits you.]]
* A woman could be having fun&lt;br&gt;A woman could be like a nun&lt;br&gt;In order to survive&lt;br&gt;We cannot be kind&lt;br&gt;Until we are hurt
** ''Real Me''

*In a city [world] as dirty as this,&lt;br&gt;You gather up, save, and show me&lt;br&gt;Purely beautiful things.
** ''[[w:Free &amp; Easy|Free &amp; Easy]]

* I don't want a weak heart that can't cry&lt;br&gt;or the strength not to cry.&lt;br&gt;I'll search for a shooting&lt;br&gt;Star to cast my wishes on, but&lt;br&gt;Daybreak will come too soon&lt;br&gt;And I won't be able to find one.
** ''[[w:H (song)|Hanabi]]

* In times when I encounter sad things&lt;br&gt;I have a habit of saying &quot;I'm all right&quot;.&lt;br&gt;On that day, something had stopped for me&lt;br&gt;And no matter&lt;br&gt;how much I pray,&lt;br&gt;I can't find a single star.
** ''Hanabi''

* How many times have I lost my way?&lt;br&gt;Every time, the one who gave me a hand&lt;br&gt;Was you.
** ''[[w:Voyage (song)|Voyage]]''

* We go on this voyage to find happiness.&lt;br&gt;You see? A smile really suits you.
** ''Voyage''

* If time is a fading dream&lt;br&gt;Then it would be like a flower&lt;br&gt;Even if destined to fall&lt;br&gt;It would be all the more valuable in its transience.
** ''Dolls''

=== ''[[W:Memorial Address|Memorial Address]]'' ===

* Really, we are &lt;br&gt;Not only dots&lt;br&gt;But are the whole&lt;br&gt;
** ''[[w:forgiveness (song)|Forgiveness]]''

* If one day&lt;br&gt;They are connected&lt;br&gt;And form lines
** ''Forgiveness''

* Certainly everyone, in order to protect love,&lt;br&gt;Certainly wishes to believe in something&lt;br&gt;
** ''Forgiveness''

*Even in my age now, I'm the same as before&lt;br&gt;and just as fearful&lt;br&gt;I only learn how to pretend to be strong&lt;br&gt;
** ''[[W:No Way To Say|No Way To Say]]''

*Though my heart is filled with feelings I want to convey&lt;br&gt;You see, I can't express them in words&lt;br&gt;If I had not met you&lt;br&gt;I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain&lt;br&gt;
** ''No Way To Say''

*Slowly, I've come to realize&lt;br&gt;That I cannot heal my past&lt;br&gt;And that fearing the unavoidable future&lt;br&gt;Is pointless
** ''No Way To Say'' 

*Goodbye. You have gone to the place where we can never meet again&lt;br&gt;I can't accept the coldness of an eternal parting&lt;br&gt;I wish I could have heard you say&lt;br&gt;That surely, you had loved me&lt;br&gt;Only once, even if it were a lie
** ''Memorial Address ~Take 2 Version~

=== ''[[W:My Story (Ayumi Hamasaki album)|My Story]]'' ===
* You see? The times have changed&lt;br&gt;But why do I still hear people say&lt;br&gt;&quot;Tears are woman's weapons&quot;?&lt;br&gt;We don't cry easily&lt;br&gt;We are not always flirty&lt;br&gt;We are not dolls&lt;br&gt;Who are only dressed to the nines.
** ''My Name's Women''

*An interested stranger asked me&lt;br&gt;How do I see the scenery from here?&lt;br&gt;I reply&lt;br&gt;It's how you think it would be.&lt;br&gt;It's useless to explain&lt;br&gt;Everybody GO! Everybody JUMP!
** ''Humming 7/4''

*My lips told a lie&lt;br&gt;For a trivial reason&lt;br&gt;It wasn't for anyone else&lt;br&gt;But only to protect myself&lt;br&gt;And I didn't think about anyone else
** ''Walking Proud''

*But I escaped from reality&lt;br&gt;Escaped from the pain&lt;br&gt;I said to myself&lt;br&gt;&quot;Some day, I'll be as I should be&lt;br&gt;Though I'm far from there now&quot;&lt;br&gt;After such excuses, my eyes were opened&lt;br&gt;All I could do was to live in the present time.
** ''Walking Proud''

=== ''[[W:(Miss)Understood|(Miss)Understood]]'' ===
*Yayayaya Gagagaga Dadadada Wowowowo&lt;br&gt;Yayayaya Gagagaga Dadadada Wowowowo&lt;br&gt;Even if you think you are too bold&lt;br&gt;It's all fine&lt;br&gt;In all honesty, I'm hesitant&lt;br&gt;To be prudent and reserved&lt;br&gt;OK, together now, &quot;Bold &amp; Delicious!&quot;&lt;br&gt;Don't watch me quietly, stand up please, &quot;Bold &amp; Delicious!&quot;
** ''[[W:Bold &amp; Delicious|Bold &amp; Delicious]]''

*I feel most miserable&lt;br&gt;When I can't step &quot;step up to the plate&quot;&lt;br&gt;You know? People often say&lt;br&gt;Regret from doing it is better than regret for not doing it
** ''Bold &amp; Delicious''

*This is a common case,&lt;br&gt;seriously,&lt;br&gt;It looks like a fight with him&lt;br&gt;But she's really fighting with herself.
** ''Ladies Night''

*If you are afraid of changes&lt;br&gt;Watch from a distance&lt;br&gt;Whether or not I might do something&lt;br&gt;If you're going to talk about me behind my back&lt;br&gt;It is what it is.
** ''[[W:Fairyland (song)|Alterna]]''

*It is sad&lt;br&gt;To lose sight of myself for the sake of myself&lt;br&gt;I believe in scenery no one has ever seen,&lt;br&gt;And next to you, I wish to stay in that place that doesn't exist 
** ''[[W:Heaven (Ayumi Hamasaki song)|Will]]''

*Daybreak comes quickly nowadays&lt;br&gt;The scent of wind has changed&lt;br&gt;It seems familiar yet unfamiliar&lt;br&gt;It makes my heartbeat quicker&lt;br&gt;It's sweet and sad&lt;br&gt;We ran along the road to the sea&lt;br&gt;Screaming with laughter innocently&lt;br&gt;In the far-away summer days
** ''[[W:Fairyland (song)|Fairyland]]''

* It was not coincidental that we chose what's left&lt;br&gt;If the universe has a will&lt;br&gt;I think we are part of it&lt;br&gt;Tender and precious&lt;br&gt;How many times have I searched for something&lt;br&gt;Found and lost it&lt;br&gt;Since then?
** ''Fairyland''

=== ''[[W:Secret (Ayumi Hamasaki album)|Secret]]'' ===
* Why are you ashamed of yourself?&lt;br&gt;What happens after that?&lt;br&gt;But I really like your way of walking&lt;br&gt;In which you head straight and always hit a wall.
** ''[[W:Startin'|Startin']]

* I feel that&lt;br&gt;these glass shoes are too fragile&lt;br&gt;for running through this era.
** ''[[W:Beautiful Fighters|Beautiful Fighters]]''

=== ''[[W:Guilty (Ayumi Hamasaki album)|Guilty]]'' ===
* Just because this age is full of information and temptations&lt;br&gt;We should decide on our own&lt;br&gt;You know&lt;br&gt;That creation comes after destruction
** ''[[W:Talkin' 2 Myself|Talkin' 2 Myself]]''

* Reality will always deceive us&lt;br&gt;But in that, you see, only your answer is hidden&lt;br&gt;If you feel you have not seen it&lt;br&gt;It is something you brought about with your own hands.
** ''[[W:Talkin' 2 Myself|Decision]]''

*This summer, our new journey begins&lt;br&gt;I sense a slight discomfort in the distance&lt;br&gt;We saw that place in our dreams&lt;br&gt;Today, let's find the road there again.
** ''[[W:glitter/fated|Glitter]]''

*Where does this road lead?&lt;br&gt;And where does it go from there?&lt;br&gt;Even if I imagine [the possibilities]&lt;br&gt;Of course, I have no clue.&lt;br&gt;I feel the more I wish to be strong&lt;br&gt;The weaker my heart becomes&lt;br&gt;In inverse proportion&lt;br&gt;
** ''[[W:glitter/fated|Fated]]''

*We notice it the moment our eyes meet someone else's&lt;br&gt;We feel it when coming into contact with him [or her]&lt;br&gt;But then once&lt;br&gt;We feel weak in the knees&lt;br&gt;The wind strokes my cheeks and makes it feel real&lt;br&gt;And whispering quietly&lt;br&gt;That this is not an illusion at all
** ''Fated''

*On that day, you decided&lt;br&gt;That you would walk by yourself&lt;br&gt;On the endless road&lt;br&gt;that crosses the clouds [and leads] to the sky&lt;br&gt;Leaving so much here&lt;br&gt;I want to tell you and talk about.
** ''Untitled ~For Her~''

*What if everyone goes on the endless road&lt;br&gt;Sooner or later&lt;br&gt;Over the clouds to the sky&lt;br&gt;Be sure to wait for me.&lt;br&gt;And then, we will talk away&lt;br&gt;About our countless memories.
** ''Untitled ~For Her''

=== Miscellaneous ===
*I was forgiven by forgiving many things&lt;br&gt;Including my long-ago childhood&lt;br&gt;I was healed, but I intended [''to''] heal&lt;br&gt;I've just noticed, the way&lt;br&gt;I was saved by love&lt;br&gt;Though I tried to keep love away.
** ''[[W:A Ballads|Rainbow]]''

*Because we want the same happiness&lt;br&gt;We keep carving the same wounds onto our hearts.&lt;br&gt;Forever, forever&lt;br&gt;So I won't forget you&lt;br&gt;I call you over and over again&lt;br&gt;Please don't cry any more&lt;br&gt;I won't leave you alone.
** ''[[W:A Best 2 -Black-|Part of Me]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hamasaki, Ayumi}}
[[Category:Pop singers]]
[[Category:Singers from Japan]]
[[Category:1978 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Dancers]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from Japan]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters]]
[[Category:Women musicians]]
[[Category:Women born in the 20th century]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Thomas Merton</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Peter1c</username>
        <id>193478</id>
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      <comment>When I criticize a system, they think I criticize them--and that is of course because they accept the system and identify themselves with it.</comment>
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      <text bytes="27953" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Merton Trappist.jpg|thumb|By my monastic life and vows I am saying No to all the concentration camps, the aerial bombardments, the staged political trials, the judicial murders, the racial injustices, the economic tyrannies, and the whole socio-economic apparatus which seems geared for nothing but global destruction in spite of all its fair words in favor of peace. I make monastic silence a protest against the lies of politicians, propagandists, and agitators, and when I speak it is to deny that my faith and my church can ever be aligned with these forces of injustice and destruction.]]
[[File:Compassione (1603), Cesare Ripa, Iconologia.jpg|thumb|The [[whole]] [[idea]] of [[compassion]] is based on a keen [[awareness]] of the interdependence of all these [[living]] beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.]]
[[File:Gian Lorenzo Bernini - Dove of the Holy Spirit.JPG|thumb|right|Persons are not known by [[intellect]] alone, not by [[principles]] alone, but only by [[love]]. It is when we love the other, the enemy, that we obtain from [[God]] the [[key]] to an [[understanding]] of who he is, and who we are.]]
[[w:Thomas Merton|'''Thomas Merton''']] ([[31 January]] [[1915]] – [[10 December]] [[1968]]) was one of the most influential [[w:Catholicism|Catholic]] authors of the 20th century. A Trappist monk of the Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani, in the U.S. state of [[w:Kentucky|Kentucky]], Merton was an acclaimed Catholic [[theologian]], [[poet]], [[author]] and [[w:Social activism|social activist]].

== Quotes ==
[[File:Thanksgiving chapel interior.jpg|thumb|right|To say that I am made in the image of [[God]] is to say that [[Love]] is the [[reason]] for my existence, for God is love. &lt;br&gt; Love is my [[true]] [[identity]]. [[Selflessness]] is my true [[self]]. Love is my true [[character]]. Love is my [[name]].]]
[[File:Cristo degli abissi.jpg|thumb|right|The biggest human temptation is … to settle for too little.]]
[[File:Polonnaruwa-galvihara6-detall.jpg|thumb|right|All problems are resolved and everything is clear. The rock, all matter, all life, is charged with [[w:Dharmakaya|dharmakaya]]… everything is emptiness and everything is compassion.]]
[[File:Love heart.jpg|thumb|right|This new language of prayer has to come out of something which transcends all our traditions, and comes out of the immediacy of love.]]

* '''To say that I am made in the image of [[God]] is to say that [[Love]] is the [[reason]] for my existence, for God is love. &lt;br&gt; Love is my [[true]] [[identity]]. [[Selflessness]] is my true [[self]]. Love is my true [[character]]. Love is my [[name]].'''
** ''Seeds of Contemplation'' (1949).

* '''Persons are not known by [[intellect]] alone, not by [[principles]] alone, but only by love. It is when we love the other, the enemy, that we obtain from God the [[key]] to an [[understanding]] of who he is, and who we are.''' It is only this realization that can open to us the real [[nature]] of our [[duty]], and of [[right]] [[action]]. To shut out the person and to refuse to consider him as a person, as an other self, we resort to the impersonal &quot;law&quot; and to abstract &quot;nature.&quot; That is to say we block off the reality of the other, we cut the intercommunication of our nature and his nature, and we consider only our own nature with its rights, its claims, it demands. And we justify the evil we do to our brother because he is no longer a brother, he is merely an adversary, an accused. To restore communication, to see our oneness of nature with him, and to respect his personal rights and his integrity, his worthiness of love, we have to see ourselves as similarly accused along with him … and needing, with him, the ineffable gift of grace and mercy to be saved. Then, instead of pushing him down, trying to climb out by using his head as a stepping-stone for ourselves, we help ourselves to rise by helping him to rise. For when we extend our hand to the enemy who is sinking in the abyss, God reaches out to both of us, for it is He first of all who extends our hand to the enemy. It is He who &quot;saves himself&quot; in the enemy, who makes use of us to recover the lost groat which is His image in our enemy.
** Letter to [[Dorothy Day]] (20 December 1961).

* '''A tree gives glory to God by being a tree. For in being what God means it to be it is obeying God. It “consents,” so to speak, to God's creative love. It is expressing an idea which is in God and which is not distinct from the essence of God, and therefore a tree imitates God by being a tree.'''
** ''New Seeds of Contemplation'' (1972).

* '''The biggest human temptation is … to settle for too little.'''
** As quoted in ''Forbes'' (4 August 1980).

* '''I am able to approach the Buddhas barefoot and undisturbed, my feet in wet grass, wet sand.''' Then the silence of the extraordinary faces. The great smiles. Huge and yet subtle. Filled with every possibility, questioning nothing, knowing everything, rejecting nothing, '''the peace not of emotional resignation but of [[w:Madhyamaka|Madhyamika]], of [[w:Śūnyatā|sunyata]], that has seen through every question without trying to discredit anyone or anything — ''without refutation'' — without establishing some other argument. For the doctrinaire, the mind that needs well-established positions, such peace, such silence, can be frightening.'''
** ''The Asian Journal of Thomas Merton'' (1975) Part One : Ceylon / November 29 - December 6.

* Looking at these figures I was suddenly, almost forcibly, jerked clean out of the habitual, half-tied vision of things, and an inner clearness, clarity, as if exploding from the rocks themselves, became evident and obvious. … The thing about this is that there is no puzzle, no problem, and really no &quot;mystery.&quot; &lt;br&gt; '''All problems are resolved and everything is clear. The rock, all matter, all life, is charged with [[w:Dharmakaya|dharmakaya]]… everything is emptiness and everything is compassion.''' I don’t know when in my life I have ever had such a sense of beauty and spiritual validity running together in one aesthetic illumination. Surely with [[w:Mahabalipuram|Mahabalipuram]] and [[w:Polonnaruwa|Polonnaruwa]] my Asian pilgrimage has come clear and purified itself. I mean, I know and have seen what I was obscurely looking for. I don’t know what else remains but I have now seen and have pierced through the surface and have got beyond the shadow and the disguise. &lt;br&gt; The whole thing is very much a Zen garden, a span of bareness and openness and evidence, and the great figures, motionless, yet with the lines in full movement, waves of vesture and bodily form, a beautiful and holy vision.
** ''The Asian Journal of Thomas Merton'' (1975) Part One : Ceylon / November 29 - December 6.

* '''This new language of prayer has to come out of something which transcends all our traditions, and comes out of the immediacy of love.''' We have to part now, aware of the love that unites us, the love that unites us in spite of real differences, real emotional friction... The things on the surface are nothing, what is deep is the Real. We are creatures of Love. Let us therefore join hands, as we did before, and I will try to say something that comes out of the depths of our hearts. I ask you to concentrate on the love that is in you, that is in us all. I have no idea what I am going to say. I am going to be silent a minute, and then I will say something...
: '''O God, we are one with You. You have made us one with You. You have taught us that if we are open to one another, You dwell in us.''' Help us to preserve this openness and to fight for it with all our hearts. Help us to realize that there can be no understanding where there is mutual rejection. O God, in accepting one another wholeheartedly, fully, completely, we accept You, and we thank You, and we adore You, and we love You with our whole being, because our being is Your being, our spirit is rooted in Your spirit. Fill us then with love, and let us be bound together with love as we go our diverse ways, united in this one spirit which makes You present in the world, and which makes You witness to the ultimate reality that is love. '''Love has overcome. Love is victorious. Amen.'''
:* Closing statements and prayer from an informal address delivered in Calcutta, India (October 1968), from ''The Asian Journal of Thomas Merton'' (1975); quoted in ''Thomas Merton, Spiritual Master : The Essential Writings'' (1992), p. 237.

* '''The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.'''
** Statement from his final address, during a conference on East-West monastic dialogue, delivered just two hours before his death (10 December 1968), quoted in ''Religious Education'', Vol. 73 (1978), p. 292, and in ''The Boundless Circle : Caring for Creatures and Creation'' (1996) by Michael W. Fox.

* '''Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy.''' That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody's business. '''What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy if anything can.'''
** Letter to [[Dorothy Day]], quoted in ''Catholic Voices in a World on Fire'' (2005) by Stephen Hand, p. 180.

* When I criticize a ''system'', they think I criticize them&amp;mdash;and that is of course because they accept the system and identify themselves with it. All love and bliss! And they seem to have no idea that the affluence (which for them is the kingdom of God) has another side to it&amp;mdash;the buried bodies of children in Vietnam and the Negro-Puerto Rican ghettos.
** as cited in ''Follow the Ecstasy: The Hermitage Years of Thomas Merton'' by [[w:John Howard Griffin|John Howard Griffin]] (1983), p. 97

=== ''[[w:The Seven Storey Mountain|The Seven Storey Mountain]]'' (1948) ===
* The devil is no fool. He can get people feeling about heaven the way they ought to feel about hell. He can make them fear the means of grace the way they do not fear sin. And he does so not by light but by obscurity, not by realities but by shadows, not by clarity and substance but by dreams and the creatures of psychosis. And men are so poor in intellect that a few cold chills down their spine will be enough to keep them from ever finding out the truth about anything.
** p. 30

* And Catholics, thousands of Catholics everywhere, have the consummate audacity to weep and complain because God does not hear their prayers for peace, when they have neglected not only His will, but the ordinary dictates of natural reason and prudence, and let their children grow up according to the standards of a civilization of hyenas.
** p. 56

* Indeed, the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers the most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all. It is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture. This is another of the great perversions by which the devil uses our philosophies to turn our whole nature inside out, and eviscerate all our capacities for good, turning them against ourselves.
** p. 91

* Is there any man who has ever gone through a whole lifetime without dressing himself up, in his fancy, in the habit of a monk and enclosing himself in a cell where he sits magnificent in heroic austerity and solitude, while all the young ladies who hitherto were cool to his affections in the world come and beat on the gates of the monastery crying, &quot;Come out, come out!&quot;
** p. 126

* There is not a flower that opens, not a seed that falls into the ground, and not an ear of wheat that nods on the end of its stalk in the wind that does not preach and proclaim the greatness and the mercy of God to the whole world. There is not an act of kindness or generosity, not an act of sacrifice done, or a word of peace and gentleness spoken, not a child's prayer uttered, that does not sing hymns to God before his throne, and in the eyes of men, and before their faces.
** p. 142

* “If any man love the world, the charity of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world is the concupiscence of the flesh and the concupiscence of the eyes and the pride of life.” That is to say, all men who live only according to their five senses, and seek nothing beyond the gratification of their natural appetites for pleasure and reputation and power, cut themselves off from that charity which is the principle of all spiritual vitality and happiness because it alone saves us from the barren wilderness of our own abominable selfishness.
** p. 147

* It is true that the materialistic society, the so-called culture that has evolved under the tender mercies of capitalism, has produced what seems to be the ultimate limit of this worldliness. And nowhere, except perhaps in the analogous society of pagan Rome, has there ever been such a flowering of cheap and petty and disgusting lusts and vanities as in the world of capitalism, where there is no evil that is not fostered and encouraged for the sake of making money. We live in a society whose whole policy is to excite every nerve in the human body and keep it at the highest pitch of artificial tension, to strain every human desire to the limit and to create as many new desires and synthetic passions as possible, in order to cater to them with the products of our factories and printing presses and movie studios and all the rest.
** pp. 147-148

* Everybody makes fun of [[virtue]], which by now has, as its primary meaning, an affectation of prudery practiced by hypocrites and the impotent.
** p. 223

* In so far as men are prepared to prefer their own will to God’s will, they can be said to hate God: for of course they cannot hate Him in Himself. But they hate Him in the Commandments which they violate. But God is our life: God’s will is our food, our meat, our life’s bread.
** p. 252

=== ''The Ascent to Truth'' (1951) ===
[[File:Acrux.png|thumb|right|We drive by night. Nevertheless our reason penetrates the darkness enough to show us a little of the road ahead. It is by the light of reason that we interpret the signposts and make out the landmarks along our way.]]

* '''One might compare the journey of the soul to mystical union, by way of pure faith, to the journey of a car on a dark highway.''' The only way the driver can keep to the road is by using his headlights. So in the mystical life, reason has its function. The way of faith is necessarily obscure. '''We drive by night. Nevertheless our reason penetrates the darkness enough to show us a little of the road ahead. It is by the light of reason that we interpret the signposts and make out the landmarks along our way.''' &lt;br&gt; Those who misunderstand [[John of the Cross|Saint John of the Cross]] imagine that the way of ''nada'' is  like driving by night, without any headlights whatever. This is a dangerous misunderstanding of the saint's doctrine.
** Ch. X : Reason in the Life of Contemplation, p. 114.

=== '' Thoughts in Solitude'' (1956) ===
*'''We must suffer. Our five sense are dulled by inordinate pleasure.''' Penance makes them keen, gives them back their natural vitality, and more. Penance clears the eye of conscience and of reason. It helps think clearly, judge sanely. It strengthens the action of our will.
*Contradictions have always existed in the soul of [individuals]. But it is only when we prefer analysis to silence that they become a constant and insoluble problem. '''We are not meant to resolve all contradictions but to live with them and rise above them and see them in the light of exterior and objective values which make them trivial by comparison.'''
*My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and '''the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.''' And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

=== ''The Secular Journal of Thomas Merton'' (1959) ===
* '''There is a logic of language and a logic of mathematics.''' The former is supple and lifelike, it follows our experience. The latter is abstract and rigid, more ideal. The latter is perfectly necessary, perfectly reliable: the former is only sometimes reliable and hardly ever systematic. But the logic of mathematics achieves necessity at the expense of living truth, it is less real than the other, although more certain. It achieves certainty by a flight from the concrete into abstraction. Doubtless, to an idealist, this would seem to be a more perfect reality. I am not an idealist. '''The logic of the poet — that is, the logic of language or the experience itself — develops the way a living organism grows: it spreads out towards what it loves, and is heliotropic, like a plant.''' A tree grows out into a free form, an organic form. It is never ideal, only free; never typical, always individual.
** November 2, 1939. pp 24.

=== ''Disputed Questions'' (1960) ===
*'''Hope of attaining true freedom by purely political means has become an insane delusion.''' (from &quot;The Pasternak Affair&quot;).

=== ''The Way of Chuang-Tzŭ'' (1965) ===
[[File:Butterfly and moon.png|thumb|[[Chuang Tzu]] is not concerned with [[words]] and formulas about [[reality]], but with the direct existential grasp of reality in itself.]]
[[File:Zhuangzi.gif|thumb| The [[humor]], the sophistication, the literary [[genius]], and [[philosophical]] insight of [[Chuang Tzu]] are evident to anyone who samples his work.]]
:&lt;small&gt; Quotes of Merton from his commentaries on [[Zhuangzi]] and presentations of translations of his works.&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I simply like [[Zhuangzi|Chuang Tzu]] because he is what he is and I feel no need to justify this liking to myself or to anyone else. He is far too great to need any apologies from me.''' … His philosophical temper is, I believe, profoundly original and sane. It can of course be misunderstood. But it is basically simple and direct. It seeks, as does all the greatest philosoph­ical thought, to go immediately to the heart of things. &lt;br /&gt; '''Chuang Tzu is not concerned with words and formulas about reality, but with the direct existential grasp of reality in itself.''' Such a grasp is necessarily obscure and does not lend itself to abstract analysis. It can be presented in a parable, a fable, or a funny story about a conversation between two philosophers.
** &quot;A Note To The Reader&quot;.
* The book of the Bible which most obviously resembles the Taoist classics is ''Ecclesiastes''. But at the same time there is much in the teaching of the Gospels on simplicity, childlikeness, and humility, which responds to the deepest aspirations of the ''[[Chuang Tzu]]'' book and the ''[[Tao Teh Ching]]''.
** &quot;A Note To The Reader&quot;.
* '''''Ecclesiastes'' is a book of earth, and the Gospel ethic is an ethic of revelation made on earth of a [[God]] Incarnate. The &quot;Little Way&quot; of [[Thérèse of Lisieux|Therese of Lisieux]] is an explicit renunciation of all exalted and disincarnate spiritualities that divide man against him­ self, putting one half in the realm of angels and the other in an earthly hell. For Chuang Tzu, as for the Gospel, to lose one's life is to save it, and to seek to save it for one's own sake is to lose it.''' There is an affirmation of the world that is nothing but ruin and loss. There is a renunciation of the world that finds and saves man in his own home, which is God's world. In any event, the &quot;way&quot; of Chuang Tzu is mysterious because it is so simple that it can get along without being a way at all. Least of all is it a &quot;way out.&quot; Chuang Tzu would have agreed with [[St. John of the Cross]], that you enter upon this kind of way when you leave all ways and, in some sense, get lost.
** &quot;A Note To The Reader&quot;.
* '''The secret of the way proposed by Chuang Tzu is … not the accumulation of virtue and merit … but ''wu wei'', the non-doing, or non-action, which is not intent upon results and is not concerned with consciously laid plans or deliberately organized endeavors: &quot;My greatest happiness consists precisely in doing nothing whatever that is calculated to obtain happiness''' . . . Perfect joy is to be without joy . . . if you ask 'what ought to be done' and 'what ought not to be done' on earth to produce happiness, I answer that these questions do not have [a fixed and predetermined] answer&quot; to suit every case. If one is in harmony with Tao-the cosmic Tao, &quot;Great Tao&quot; — the answer will make itself clear when the time comes to act, for then one will act not according to the human and self-conscious mode of deliberation, but accord­ ing to the divine and spontaneous mode of wu wei, which is the mode of action of Tao itself, and is therefore the source of all good. &lt;br /&gt; The other way, the way of conscious striving, even though it may claim to be a way of virtue, is fundamentally a way of self-aggrandizement, and it is consequently bound to come into conflict with Tao. Hence it is self-destructive, for &quot;what is against Tao will cease to be.&quot;
** &quot;The Way Of Chuang Tzu&quot;.
* '''The humor, the sophistication, the literary genius, and philosophical insight of Chuang Tzu are evident to anyone who samples his work.''' But before one can begin to understand even a little of his subtlety, one must situate him in his cul­tural and historical context. That is to say that one must see him against the background of the Confucianism which he did not hesitate to ridicule, along with all the other sedate and accepted schools of Chinese thought, from that of [[Mo Ti]] to that of Chuang's contemporary, friend, and constant op­ponent, the logician [[Hui Tzu]]. One must also see him in rela­tion to what followed him, because it would be a great mistake to confuse the Taoism of Chuang Tzu with the popular, de­ generate amalgam of superstition, alchemy, magic, and health­ culture which Taoism later became. &lt;br /&gt; The true inheritors of the thought and spirit of Chuang Tzu are the Chinese [[Zen]] [[Buddhists]] of the Tang period (7th to 10th centuries A.D.). But '''Chuang Tzu continued to exert an influence on all cultured Chinese thought, since he never ceased to be recognized as one of the great writers and think­ ers of the classical period. The subtle, sophisticated, mystical Taoism of Chuang Tzu and Lao Tzu has left a permanent mark on all Chinese culture and on the Chinese character itself.''' There have never been lacking authorities like [[Daisetz T. Suzuki]], the Japanese Zen scholar, who declare Chuang Tzu to be the very greatest of the Chinese philosophers. '''There is no question that the kind of thought and culture represented by Chuang Tzu was what transformed highly speculative Indian Buddhism into the humorous, iconoclastic, and totally practical kind of Buddhism that was to flourish in China and in Japan in the various schools of Zen.''' Zen throws light on Chuang Tzu, and Chuang Tzu throws light on Zen.
** &quot;The Way Of Chuang Tzu&quot;.

=== ''Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander'' (1966) ===
* '''It is a glorious destiny to be a member of the human race, though it is a race dedicated to many absurdities and one which makes many terrible mistakes''': yet, with all that, God Himself gloried in becoming a member of the human race. A member of the human race! To think that such a commonplace realization should suddenly seem like news that one holds the winning ticket in a cosmic sweepstake.

=== ''Choosing to Love the World: On Contemplation'' ===
::Edited by Jonathan Montaldo of the Merton Institute for Contemplative Living
* By my monastic life and vows I am saying No to all the concentration camps, the aerial bombardments, the staged political trials, the judicial murders, the racial injustices, the economic tyrannies, and the whole socio-economic apparatus which seems geared for nothing but global destruction in spite of all its fair words in favor of peace. 
** pp. 81-82

* I make monastic silence a protest against the lies of politicians, propagandists, and agitators, and when I speak it is to deny that my faith and my church can ever be aligned with these forces of injustice and destruction. But it is true, nevertheless, that the faith in which I believe is also invoked by many who believe in war, believe in racial injustices, believe in self-righteous and lying forms of tyranny. My life must, then, be a protest against these also, and perhaps against these most of all.
** p. 82 

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
*Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.
** Attributed to Merton in a number of sources, the earliest located being ''Studia mystica, Volumes 5-6'' (1982), [http://books.google.com/books?id=59EYAAAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22problem+to+be+solved%22#search_anchor p. 76]. This does not attribute a direct quote to Merton, but says &quot;To use another of Merton's favorite distinctions, for Furlong Merton's life is seen principally as a problem to be solved, which it was, in the final analysis, successfully, rather than a mystery to be lived&quot;. The next-earliest source located is the 1998 book ''The Artist's Way at Work: Riding the Dragon'' by Mark Bryan and [[Julia Cameron]], which attributes the exact quote to Merton on [http://books.google.com/books?id=CghAQDPahhcC&amp;lpg=PP1&amp;pg=PA152#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false p. 152]. In reality this seems to be a slightly altered version of the quote &quot;The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved; it is a reality to be experienced&quot; which appeared in the 1928 book ''The Conquest of Illusion'' by Jacobus Johannes Leeuw, [http://books.google.com/books?id=OFdVAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22not+a+problem+to+be+solved%22#search_anchor p. 9].
{{Misattributed end}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.merton.org/ Thomas Merton Center and International Thomas Merton Society]
*[http://edge.net/~dphillip/Merton.html Thomas Merton Monk and Poet]
*[http://www.thomasmertonsociety.org/ Thomas Merton Society of Great Britain and Ireland]
*[http://www.avemariapress.com/itemdetail.cfm?nItemid=815&amp;viewby=category&amp;ncategoryID=&amp;subview= A Book of Hours by Thomas Merton]
*[http://www.fonsvitae.com/thomasmerton1.html Thomas Merton Series - Books and Resources]
*[http://www.monks.org/index.html The Abbey of Gethsemani Home Page]
*[http://www.therealmerton.com/default.html &quot;The Thomas Merton we knew&quot; (1998) by Jim Knight]
*[http://www.octanecreative.com/merton/quotes.html  Large collection of quotes from Merton]


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  <page>
    <title>Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo</title>
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      <text bytes="2877" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.jpg|thumb|Philippines Gloria Macapagal Arroyo]]

'''[[w:Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo|Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo]]''' (born [[April 5]], [[1947]]) is a [[w:Filipino people|Filipino]] politician who served as the [[w:List of Presidents of the Philippines|14th]] [[w:President of the Philippines|President of the Philippines]] from 2001 until 2010, as the [[w:List of Vice Presidents of the Philippines|12th]] [[w:Vice President of the Philippines|Vice President of the Philippines]] from 1998 to 2001, and as member of the [[w:House of Representatives of the Philippines|House of Representatives]] represented the [[w:Legislative districts of Pampanga#2nd District|2nd District]] of [[w:Pampanga|Pampanga]] in the [[w:Philippines|Philippines]] from 2010 to 2019. She was the country's second [[w:List of elected and appointed female heads of state|female president]] (after [[w:Corazon Aquino|Corazon Aquino]]), and the daughter of former President [[Diosdado Macapagal]].

{{political-stub}}
== Quotes ==  
&lt;!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically. --&gt;

*  The people want government that works for them at every level. They want good government that begins at their doorstep in the barangay, and does not end before the closed door of a bureaucrat in Metro Manila.
** 2005 State of the Nation Address (July 25, 2005)[http://www.gov.ph/sona/sonatext2005.asp]

* On top of peace and investment, progress also demands good governance. I congratulate Donkoy Emano for the drop in reports of corruption for public contracts in Cagayan de Oro from 65% of firms last year to 38 this year. Also Rudy Duterte and the other leaders of Metro Davao led by Majority Leader Boy Nograles for a similar drop, 57% last year to 49 now. Things are coming together for Mindanao, a prelude to their readiness for eventual federalism.
** 2006 State of The Nation Address, Philippines

*  A president can be as strong as she wants to be.
** 2007 State of The Nation Address, Philippines

* From Bonifacio at Balintawak to Cory Aquino at EDSA and up to today, we have struggled to bring power to the people, and this country to the eminence it deserves.
** 2009 State of The Nation Address, Philippines

*  I am sorry.
** Response to the allegations that she cheated in the 2004 presidential elections, as implied from the &quot;Hello Garci&quot; tape.

== External links == 
{{Wikipedia}}
* [http://www.op.gov.ph/ Office of the President of the Philippines]
* [http://www.macapagal.com/gma/ Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo official website]
* [http://www.gloria-arroyo.com gloria-arroyo.com fansite] 

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    <title>George Clooney</title>
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      <text bytes="6883" xml:space="preserve">[[File:George Clooney 2014 2.jpg|thumb|The hardest thing is trying not to correct everything on the Internet.]]
[[File:George.Clooneywiki1.jpg|thumb|You know we had some protesters last night when we pulled up in San Francisco – and they’re right to protest, they’re absolutely right. ... It’s ridiculous that we should have this kind of money in politics.]]
'''[[w:George Clooney|George Timothy Clooney]]''' (born [[May 6]], [[1961]]) is an Academy Award and two-time Golden Globe-winning [[United States|American]] actor, director, producer and screenwriter. 

== Quotes ==
* It's easy to work with Mark &lt;nowiki&gt;[&lt;/nowiki&gt;[[Mark Wahlberg|Wahlberg]]]. He doesn't complain, he shows up, does his job and he's easygoing. But the main reason I keep wanting him to get hired is he has some pictures of me with a farm animal! [Clooney's pet potbellied pig Max] I've had him for almost 14 years — my longest relationship to date.
** Interview with ''E!Online''; as quoted in ''Weekly World News'' (September 26, 2000), [https://books.google.it/books?id=IfADAAAAMBAJ&amp;pg=PA12 p. 12]

*Murrow taking on McCarthy was one of the great high points in broadcast journalism, along with Cronkite stepping out from behind his desk and talking about how Vietnam doesn't work were two moments in broadcast journalism that you could point directly to and say actually changed American policy... I don't know a reporter that doesn't want to break a big news story. It is constantly the battle between commerce and news, or keeping entertainment from pushing the news off the air... I was looking to open a debate, to have a discussion, to be able to talk about issues that I think are important. It's simply saying, as Murrow says in the film, we have to find a way to find a safe place between the protection of the individual and the protection of the state at the same time.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/good-night-and-good-luck ''Good Night, and Good Luck, PBS News,'' Jeffrey Brown,] (6 Oct 2005)

*I'm terrified of waking up at 65 years old, which is getting closer, and to wake up and say I didn't do the things that I was supposed to do... as a citizen...  As someone who is well-known, I... can help bring focus... And I try to, as a son of a journalist, when I take on those causes, to be really well informed so that they can't marginalize you or make you an idiot along the way.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/good-night-and-good-luck ''Good Night, and Good Luck, PBS News,'' Jeffrey Brown,] (6 Oct 2005)

* The hardest thing is trying not to correct everything on the Internet. It'd be night and day—wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. So you just have to say, &quot;All right, I'll take it, bring it on.&quot;
** &quot;The 9:10 to Crazyland: George Clooney searches for George Clooney&quot; by A.J. Jacobs, ''Esquire'' (April 2008), pp. 104–105

* We’re very generous people, Americans. We gave a billion a year with the Sudan to protect and help people after these tragedies. We’re going to be involved one way or another; we’re going to be there. It would be a lot better without spending a single dime, without costing any American lives — to get in there now with robust diplomacy, hard-core diplomacy, freezing assets, freezing bank accounts, doing everything we can to protect the people who want to vote for the right to freedom... If you knew a [[w:2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami|tsunami]] or [[w:Hurricane Katrina|Katrina]] or a [[w:2010 Haiti earthquake|Haiti earthquake]] was coming, what would you do to save people?
** [http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39629106/ns/today-today_people/ &quot;George Clooney: We can stop civil war in Sudan&quot;] by Michael Inbar, ''MSNBC.com'' (October 12, 2010)

* Yes, I think it’s an obscene amount of money. You know we had some protesters last night when we pulled up in San Francisco – and they’re right to protest, they’re absolutely right, it’s an obscene amount of money. The [[Bernie Sanders|Sanders]] campaign, when they talk about it, is absolutely right, it’s ridiculous that we should have this kind of money in politics, I agree.
** Clooney's response when asked to respond to [[Bernie Sanders|Bernie Sanders']] statement that the $353,400 price tag to sit at the table with Clooney and [[Hillary Clinton]] was obscene, [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/dem-primaries/276579-clooney-sanders-is-right-about-obscene-amount-of-money-clinton ''The Hill'' (April 26, 2016)]

* The house in Italy (on [[Lake Como]]) has changed me. I spend the summer there normally, not the latter. I was always running, I learned to slow down. Observing them after a day of work, sitting at the table, a good wine, chat, friends, they are people who enjoy life, know how to celebrate it. 
** Cited in Grassi Giovanna, ''[https://www.corriere.it/spettacoli/20_ottobre_07/george-clooney-grazie-italiani-ho-imparato-godermi-vita-8cdd980c-08c4-11eb-ab0e-c425b38361b4.shtml «George Clooney: Grazie agli italiani, ho imparato a godermi la vita»]'', ''Corriere della Sera'', 7 October 2020. 

*The secret of happiness? I understood this by buying a house on [[Lake Como]]. At first I was thinking of an investment. Then, when I saw the workers who worked there, singing and drinking good wine, I realized they were better off than me. For 25 years I have eaten standing up and running. They took the time of their lunch break and went home thinking about dinner. 
** From the interview given to ''Oggi'', reported in ''[https://www.ilgiorno.it/cronaca/george-clooney-1.3520110 George Clooney, il segreto della felicità? &quot;L'ho capito comprando casa sul lago di Como]'', ''ilgiorno.it'', 8 November 2017

== About ==
* I want to be the George Clooney of music.
**[[John Mayer]], when asked which of his own albums, ''Continuum'' or ''Try!'', he liked better 
** Serpick, Evan (February 2007), &quot;Grammy Preview: John Mayer&quot;, ''Rolling Stone'' '''Volume unknown:''' 32

*I want to be the George Clooney of music.
** Jason Liberatore, when asked if he could mirror any artist's career, whose would it be and why.
** No byline (2007). [http://www.almostgreen.com/bio_jay.htm &quot;Bio&quot;] AlmostGreen.com (accessed June 25, 2007)

==See also==
* [[Good Night, and Good Luck]]

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commonscat}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000123/ George Clooney at IMDB]
* [http://www.askmen.com/men/entertainment_60/63_george_clooney.html George Clooney at AskMen.com]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Clooney, George}}
[[Category:Actors from the United States]]
[[Category:Agnostics from the United States]]
[[Category:Anti-war activists]]
[[Category:Film directors from the United States]]
[[Category:Screenwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Producers from the United States]]
[[Category:1961 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:LGBT rights activists]]
[[Category:People from Lexington]]
[[Category:Academy Award winners]]</text>
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      <text bytes="6836" xml:space="preserve">[[File:George Clooney 2014 2.jpg|thumb|The hardest thing is trying not to correct everything on the Internet.]]
[[File:George.Clooneywiki1.jpg|thumb|You know we had some protesters last night when we pulled up in San Francisco – and they’re right to protest, they’re absolutely right. ... It’s ridiculous that we should have this kind of money in politics.]]
'''[[w:George Clooney|George Timothy Clooney]]''' (born [[May 6]], [[1961]]) is an Academy Award and two-time Golden Globe-winning [[United States|American]] actor, director, producer and screenwriter. 

== Quotes ==
* It's easy to work with Mark &lt;nowiki&gt;[&lt;/nowiki&gt;[[Mark Wahlberg|Wahlberg]]]. He doesn't complain, he shows up, does his job and he's easygoing. But the main reason I keep wanting him to get hired is he has some pictures of me with a farm animal! [Clooney's pet potbellied pig Max] I've had him for almost 14 years — my longest relationship to date.
** Interview with ''E!Online''; as quoted in ''Weekly World News'' (September 26, 2000), [https://books.google.it/books?id=IfADAAAAMBAJ&amp;pg=PA12 p. 12]

*Murrow taking on McCarthy was one of the great high points in broadcast journalism, along with Cronkite stepping out from behind his desk and talking about how Vietnam doesn't work were two moments in broadcast journalism that you could point directly to and say actually changed American policy... I don't know a reporter that doesn't want to break a big news story. It is constantly the battle between commerce and news, or keeping entertainment from pushing the news off the air... I was looking to open a debate, to have a discussion, to be able to talk about issues that I think are important. It's simply saying, as Murrow says in the film, we have to find a way to find a safe place between the protection of the individual and the protection of the state at the same time.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/good-night-and-good-luck ''Good Night, and Good Luck, PBS News,'' Jeffrey Brown,] (6 Oct 2005)

*I'm terrified of waking up at 65 years old, which is getting closer, and to wake up and say I didn't do the things that I was supposed to do... as a citizen...  As someone who is well-known, I... can help bring focus... And I try to, as a son of a journalist, when I take on those causes, to be really well informed so that they can't marginalize you or make you an idiot along the way.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/good-night-and-good-luck ''Good Night, and Good Luck, PBS News,'' Jeffrey Brown,] (6 Oct 2005)

* The hardest thing is trying not to correct everything on the Internet. It'd be night and day—wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. So you just have to say, &quot;All right, I'll take it, bring it on.&quot;
** &quot;The 9:10 to Crazyland: George Clooney searches for George Clooney&quot; by A.J. Jacobs, ''Esquire'' (April 2008), pp. 104–105

* We’re very generous people, Americans. We gave a billion a year with the Sudan to protect and help people after these tragedies. We’re going to be involved one way or another; we’re going to be there. It would be a lot better without spending a single dime, without costing any American lives — to get in there now with robust diplomacy, hard-core diplomacy, freezing assets, freezing bank accounts, doing everything we can to protect the people who want to vote for the right to freedom... If you knew a [[w:2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami|tsunami]] or [[w:Hurricane Katrina|Katrina]] or a [[w:2010 Haiti earthquake|Haiti earthquake]] was coming, what would you do to save people?
** [http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39629106/ns/today-today_people/ &quot;George Clooney: We can stop civil war in Sudan&quot;] by Michael Inbar, ''MSNBC.com'' (October 12, 2010)

* Yes, I think it’s an obscene amount of money. You know we had some protesters last night when we pulled up in San Francisco – and they’re right to protest, they’re absolutely right, it’s an obscene amount of money. The [[Bernie Sanders|Sanders]] campaign, when they talk about it, is absolutely right, it’s ridiculous that we should have this kind of money in politics, I agree.
** Clooney's response when asked to respond to [[Bernie Sanders|Bernie Sanders']] statement that the $353,400 price tag to sit at the table with Clooney and [[Hillary Clinton]] was obscene, [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/dem-primaries/276579-clooney-sanders-is-right-about-obscene-amount-of-money-clinton ''The Hill'' (April 26, 2016)]

* The secret of happiness? I understood this by buying a house on [[Lake Como]]. At first I was thinking of an investment. Then, when I saw the workers who worked there, singing and drinking good wine, I realized they were better off than me. For 25 years I have eaten standing up and running. They took the time of their lunch break and went home thinking about dinner. 
** Interview with ''Oggi''; reported in [https://www.ilgiorno.it/cronaca/george-clooney-1.3520110 &quot;George Clooney, il segreto della felicità? L'ho capito comprando casa sul lago di Como&quot;], ''Il Giorno'' (November 8, 2017)

* The house in Italy (on [[Lake Como]]) has changed me. I spend the summer there normally, not the latter. I was always running, I learned to slow down. Observing them after a day of work, sitting at the table, a good wine, chat, friends, they are people who enjoy life, know how to celebrate it. 
** [https://www.corriere.it/spettacoli/20_ottobre_07/george-clooney-grazie-italiani-ho-imparato-godermi-vita-8cdd980c-08c4-11eb-ab0e-c425b38361b4.shtml &quot;George Clooney: Grazie agli italiani, ho imparato a godermi la vita&quot;], ''Corriere della Sera'' (October 7, 2020)

== About ==
* I want to be the George Clooney of music.
**[[John Mayer]], when asked which of his own albums, ''Continuum'' or ''Try!'', he liked better 
** Serpick, Evan (February 2007), &quot;Grammy Preview: John Mayer&quot;, ''Rolling Stone'' '''Volume unknown:''' 32

*I want to be the George Clooney of music.
** Jason Liberatore, when asked if he could mirror any artist's career, whose would it be and why.
** No byline (2007). [http://www.almostgreen.com/bio_jay.htm &quot;Bio&quot;] AlmostGreen.com (accessed June 25, 2007)

==See also==
* [[Good Night, and Good Luck]]

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commonscat}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000123/ George Clooney at IMDB]
* [http://www.askmen.com/men/entertainment_60/63_george_clooney.html George Clooney at AskMen.com]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Clooney, George}}
[[Category:Actors from the United States]]
[[Category:Agnostics from the United States]]
[[Category:Anti-war activists]]
[[Category:Film directors from the United States]]
[[Category:Screenwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Producers from the United States]]
[[Category:1961 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:LGBT rights activists]]
[[Category:People from Lexington]]
[[Category:Academy Award winners]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Ratatouille</title>
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'''''[[w:Ratatouille (film)|Ratatouille]]''''' is a ([[w:2007 in film|2007]]) animated [[w:Disney|Disney]]/[[w:Pixar|Pixar]] film about a rat (Remy) who longs to follow in the footsteps of his hero, the late Chef Auguste Gusteau (voice of [[Brad Garrett]]) — at one time considered to be the greatest chef in Paris. After discovering an unusual way through which he can control the actions of the hapless Linguini (voice of [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]]), who was working as a garbage boy in the kitchen of Gusteau's restaurant at the time, he is given the ultimate opportunity to show the world what he can do.
:''Written and Directed by [[Brad Bird]].''
{{center|'''He's dying to become a chef.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}

== Dialogue ==
:''[On Auguste Gusteau's death, the old woman with the shotgun attack the most accidentally running both — Remy and Émile from the rat colony to flee the TV as the others in the sewer for a sound, a voice and a sign at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': And you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true, anyone can cook… but only fearless can be great. 
:'''Remy''': Pure porety.
:'''TV Narrator''': But it was not to last. Gusteau's restaurant lost one of its five stars after a scathing review by France's top food critic, Anton Ego. It was a severe blow to Gusteau, and the brokenhearted chef died shortly afterwards, which according to tradition, meant the loss of another star.
:'''Remy''': Gusteau is dead? RUN! No! You'll lead her to the colony!
:'''Emile''': Help, Remy, help!  
:'''Remy''': Emile! Start swinging the light! I'll try to grab ya! Emile, swing to me! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
[After Remy's been separated from his sewer at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]
:'''Remy''': ''[voiceover]'' I waited. For a sound. A voice. A sign. Something!
:''[Remy is reading Gusteau's 'Anyone Can Cook'. He stops on a page with food on it, causing his stomach to grumble. He turns away, shielding the image of food from his view]''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[as a book illustration]'' If you are hungry, go up and look around, Remy.
:''[Remy is shocked to hear this. He looks under the page Gusteau's image is under.]''
:'''Gusteau''': Why do you wait and mope?
:'''Remy''': Well, I just lost my family, all my friends. Probably forever. 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know?
:'''Remy''': I... uh... ''[catches himself with a scoff]'' You are an illustration! Why am I talking to you?!
:'''Gusteau''': Oh, you just lost your family, all your friends. You are lonely.
:'''Remy''': Yeah, well, you're dead!
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, but that is no match for wishful thinking! If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead! Now go up and look around!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Remy is about to eat a bread crumb when Gusteau appears before him at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': What are you doing?!?!
:'''Remy''': ''[Sighs]'' I'm hungry!! I don't know where I am, I don't know when I'll find food again!
:'''Gusteau''': Remy, you are better than that. You are a cook! A cook makes, a thief takes!!!! You are not a thief.
:'''Remy''': But I am hungry!
:'''Gusteau''': ''[chuckles]'' Food will come, Remy. Food always comes to those who love to cook.
:''[Gusteau’s image disappears into the bread crumb and Remy sighs at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Remy''': The sous chef... There. The sous is responsible for the kitchen when the chef's not around. Saucier, in charge of sauces. Very important. Chef de partie, demi chef de partie, both important. Commis, commis, they're cooks. Very important.
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, you are a clever rat. Now, who is that?
:''[He points to Linguini, who's clumsily cleaning up the kitchen at [[Paris]], [[France]].]''
:'''Remy''': Oh, him? He’s nobody.
:'''Gusteau''': Not nobody. He is part of the kitchen.
:'''Remy''': No, he’s a plongeur or something! He washes dishes or takes out the garbage. He doesn’t cook.
:'''Gusteau''': But he could!
:'''Remy''': ''[dismissively]'' Uh, no! 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know? What do I always say? Anyone can cook.
:'''Remy''': Well, yeah, anyone can!!!! That doesn't mean that anyone should!!!!
:'''Gusteau''': Well, that is not stopping him. See?
:''[Linguini has accidentally spilt a pot of soup and is attempting to cover up his mistake by throwing random ingredients into it.]''
:'''Remy''': What?! What are you doing?! No.... no!! No, this is terrible! He is... ruining the soup!! And nobody is noticing?!?! ''[to Gusteau]'' It is your restaurant! Do something!
:'''Gusteau''': What can I do?! I am a figment of your imagination!
:'''Remy''': ''[screaming]'' '''''BUT HE IS RUINING THE SOUP!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE GOT TO TELL SOMEONE THAT HE IS...''''' ''[slips and falls into the kitchen]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Collete''': Who made something she liked! How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't uphold his most cherished belief?  '''Skinner''': And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou?
:'''Colette''': Anyone can cook.
:''[pause, Skinner looks around at the other cooks, who are smiling with approval]''
:'''Skinner''': Perhaps I have been a bit harsh on our new garbage boy. He has taken a bold risk, and we should reward that, as Chef Gusteau would have. If he wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny him.
:'''Gusteau''': You were escaping?   
:'''Remy''': Oh, yeah.   
:'''Skinner''': Since you have expressed such an interest in his cooking career, you shall be responsible for it. Anyone else? Hmm?! Then back to work! You are either very lucky or very unlucky. You will make the soup again, and this time I’ll be paying attention. Very close attention. They think you might be a cook, but do you know what I think, Linguini? I think you are a sneaky, overreaching little... ''[spots Remy attempting to escape]'' '''''RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Grabs a broom and hits Remy with it]''
:'''Horst''': Get the rat!
:''[Everyone attempts to catch Remy]''
:'''Skinner''': Linguini! Get something to trap it!
:'''Horst''': It’s getting away! Get it, get it, get it!
:''[Linguini has trapped Remy in a jar.]''
:'''Linguini''': What should I do now?
:'''Skinner''': Kill it!
:'''Linguini''': Now?
:'''Skinner''': No!! Not in the kitchen! Are you mad?!?! If anyone knew we had a rat in our kitchen, they’d shut us down! Our reputation is hanging by a thread as it is! Take it away from here, far away! Kill it! Dispose of it! '''''GO!!!!!!!!!!!!''''' 
:'''Linguini''': Whoa! ''[hops onto his bicycle]'' Doh! Don't look at me like that! You're not the one only who's trapped! They expect me to cook it again! I'm mean, I'm not ambitious, I wasn’t trying to cook, I was just trying to stay out of trouble! You're the one who was getting fancy with the spices! ''[Furiously]'' What did you throw in there?! Oregano? No? What? Ro... uh, rosemary? That's a spice, isn't it? Rosemary? You didn't throw Rosemary in there? Then what was all the flipping, all the throwing the... ''[sighs]'' I need this job, I've lost so many, I don't know how to cook, and now I am actually talking to a rat as if you... ''[gasps]'' Did you nod?! Have you been nodding?! You understand me! So, I'm not crazy. Wait a second, wait a second. Uh, I can't cook, can I? ''[Remy shakes his head “no”]'' But you, heh, you can, right? Look, don't be so modest. You're a rat for a Pete's sake. Whatever you did, they liked it. Yeah. This could work. Hey they like the soup. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Anton Ego''': What is it, Ambrister? 
:'''Ambrister''': Gusteau's, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': Finally closing, is it?
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': More financial troubles?
:'''Ambrister''': No, it's... it's...
:'''Anton Ego''': Announced a new line of microwave egg-rolls?!?! What?! What?! Spit it out!
:'''Ambrister''': It's come back, it's popular.
:''[Ego partly spits out a mouthful of wine, before checking the label, then roughly swallowing the rest of the wine]'' 
:'''Anton Ego''': I haven't reviewed Gusteau's in years!
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': My last review condemned it to the tourist trade.
:'''Ambrister''': Yes, sir. 
:''[Ego takes out a copy of his last review of Gusteau's]''
:'''Anton Ego''': I said: &quot;Gusteau has finally found his rightful place in history right alongside another equally famous chef, Monsieur Boyardee.&quot;
:'''Ambrister''': Touche!
:'''Anton Ego''': That is where we left it, that was my last word! The. Last. Word!
:'''Ambrister''': ''[cowering]'' Yes!
:'''Anton Ego''': Then tell me, Ambrister, how could it be popular?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': ''No...no...no, no, NO, NOOO!! '''NOOOO!!!!''''' ''[Kicks drawer]'' 
:'''Talon''': The DNA matches, the timing works, everything checks out. He is Gusteau’s son.
:'''Skinner''': T-t-this can’t just- happen! The whole thing is a set up! '''''THE BOY KNOWS!!!!!!!!''''' Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot! He’s toying with my mind, like a cat with a ball! Of something!
:'''Talon''': String?
:'''Skinner''': Yes! Playing dumb! Taunting me with that rat!
:'''Talon''': Rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Yes! He’s consorting with it! Deliberately trying to make me think it’s important!
:'''Talon''': The...rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Exactly!!!!
:'''Talon''': '''''Is''''' the rat important?
:'''Skinner''': Of course not! He just wants me to think that it is! Oh, no, I see the theatricality of it! A rat appears on the boy’s first night, I order him to kill it, and now he wants me to see it everywhere! ''[high voice]'' '''''OOOOH!!!!''''' It's here! No, it isn't, it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not?! But, oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of... 
:'''Talon''': ...Should I be concerned about this? About you? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Horst''': It's your recipe! How can you not know your own RECIPE?!?!
:'''Linguini''': I didn't write it down, it just came to me!
:'''Horst''': Well, make it come to you again, ja?! '''''BECAUSE WE CAN'T SERVE THIS!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Mustafa''': Where's my order?!
:'''Linguini''': Can't we serve something else? Something I didn't invent?
:'''Larousse''': This is what they're ordering!
:'''Linguini''': Make them order something else! Tell them we're all out.
:'''Pompidou''': We cannot be all out. We just opened.
:'''Larousse''': I have another idea. '''''What if we serve them what they order?!?!'''''
:'''Colette''': We will make it! Just tell us what you did!
:'''Linguini''': I don't know what I did!
:'''Horst''': We need to tell the customers something! 
:'''Linguini''': Then tell them! Tell them! '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Linguini flees the kitchen]''
:'''Larousse''': Eh?!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': Don’t do it!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': They'll see you! Stop!
:'''Horst''': We are not talking about me! We are talking about what to do right now!
:'''Colette''': ''[gasps]'' Rats!!
:'''Horst''': RAAAATS!!
:'''Django''': REMY!!
:'''Horst''': GET MY KNIFE!!!!
:'''Linguini''': DON'T TOUCH HIM!! Thanks for coming back, Little Chef! I know this sounds insane, but... Well the truth sounds insane sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not. Uh, the truth. And the truth is, I have no talent at all. But this rat, he's the one behind these recipes. He's the cook. The real cook. He’s been hiding under my toque. He's been controlling my actions. He's the reason I can cook the food that's exciting everyone. The reason Ego is outside that door. You've been giving me credit for the gift. I know it's a hard thing to believe. But, hey, you believed I could cook, right? Look, it works. It's crazy, bit it works. We can be the greatest restaurant in Paris, and this rat, this brilliant Little Chef, can lead us there! What do you say? You with me?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mustafa''': ''[taking Ego's order]'' Do you know what you’d like this evening, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Yes, I think I do. After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I’d like some fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?
:'''Mustafa''': ''[confused]'' With what, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Perspective. Fresh out, I take it?
:'''Mustafa''': I am, uh...
:'''Anton Ego''': Very well. Since you're all out of perspective and no one else seems to have it in this bloody town, I'll make you a deal! You provide the food, I'll provide the perspective, which would go nicely with a bottle of Cheval Blanc 1947.
:'''Mustafa''': I'm afraid, um, your dinner selection?
:'''Anton Ego''': ''[stands up angrily]'' Tell your chef Linguini that I want whatever he dares to serve me. Tell him to hit me with his best shot!! 
:''[Skinner is in disguise nearby and speaks to his waiter]''
:'''Skinner''': ''[in a lower and gruff voice]'' I will have whatever he is having!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gusteau''': ''[Remy is locked in a cage in Skinner’s trunk]'' So, we have given up.
:'''Remy''': Why do you say that? 
:'''Gusteau''': We are in a cage, inside a car trunk, awaiting a future in frozen food products. 
:'''Remy''': No, I'm the one in a cage. I've given up. You... are free. 
:'''Gusteau''': I am only as free as you imagine me to be. As you are. 
:'''Remy''': Oh, please. I'm sick of pretending. I pretend to be a rat for my father, I pretend to be a human for Linguini. I pretend you exist, so I have someone to talk to! You only tell me stuff I already know! I know who I am! Why do I need you to tell me?! '''''WHY DO I NEED TO PRETEND?!?!'''''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[laughs]'' Ah. But you don't, Remy. You never did. ''[he disappears in a cage in Skinner's trunk]''
:''[Git pushes a statue off the building and misses it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]''
:'''Django''': ''[to Git]'' No. My other left!
:'''Remy''': ''[inside Skinner's trunk, mumbling]'' Dad? Dad, I'm in here! ''[Git pushes another statue off the building]'' I'm inside the trunk! ''[finally it causing it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]'' What the--? Dad!
:'''Emile''': Hey, little brother!
:'''Remy''': Emile! ''[Django and Emile releases him to the Skinner's cage, affectionate]'' I love you guys!
:'''Django''': Where are you going?
:'''Remy''': Back to the restaurant. They'll fail without me!
:'''Django''': Why do you care?!
:'''Remy''': '''''BECAUSE I'M A COOK!!!!'''''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': Who cooked the ratatouille?!?! I demand to know!!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Django''': Hey, believe me, that story gets better when I tell it, okay?! [laughs] Come on, bring some food over here, we're starving!!!!

== Taglines ==
* He's dying to become a chef!
* Stop that chef!
* A Comedy with Great Taste!
* A Rat in a Kitchen! Cooking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

== Cast ==
* [[Patton Oswalt]] — Remy
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] — Alfredo Linguini
* [[Janeane Garofalo]] — Colette
* [[w:Ian Holm|Ian Holm]] — Skinner
* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] — Emile
* [[Brad Garrett]] — Gusteau
* [[w:Brian Dennehy|Brian Dennehy]] — Django
* [[w:Peter O'Toole|Peter O'Toole]] — Anton Ego
* [[Will Arnett]] — Horst
* [[w:Julius Callahan|Julius Callahan]] — Lalo
* [[w:James Remar|Jamie Remar]] — Larousse
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — Mustafa
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Theodore Newton]] — Talon Labarthe
* [[w:Tony Fucile|Tony Fucile]] — Pompidou
* [[w:Jake Steinfeld|Jake Steinfeld]] — Git
* [[Brad Bird]] — Ambrister Minion
* [[w:Stephanie Roux (actor)|Stephanie Roux]] — the narrator of the cooking channel

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==

* I think our goal is to get the impression of something rather than perfect photographic reality. It’s to get the feeling of something so I think that our challenge was the computer basically wants to do things that are clean and perfect and don’t have any history to them. If you want to do something that’s different than that you have to put that information in there and the computer kind of fights you. It really doesn’t want to do that and Paris is a very rich city that has a lot of history to it and it’s lived in. Everything’s beautiful but it’s lived in. It has history to it, so it has imperfections and it’s part of why it’s beautiful is you can feel the history in every little nook and cranny. For us every single bit of that has to be put in there. We can’t go somewhere and film something. If there’s a crack in there, we have to design the crack and if you noticed the tiles on the floor of the restaurant, they’re not perfectly flat, they’re like slightly angled differently, and they catch light differently. Somebody has to sit there and angle them all separately so we had to focus on that a lot. And it was a movie about good food and the food had to look delicious and its data. How do you define what makes food look good. It’s actually a bunch of really subtle little complicated things and everybody worked really hard on it.
:* Brad Bird [http://collider.com/brad-bird-interview-ratatouille/]
* I entered this movie as director kind of late. I was asked to come on the project a little less than a year and a half ago, so several characters had been cast before I got there. Famous people like Madame Iandore Anna Holm, Brian Dennehy, and Brad Garrett were already on board and there were also some Pixar people who happened to have perfect voices, like Lou Romano who did Linguini. He was production designer on The Incredibles. And Peter Sohn is a young, very gifted story guide and animator who worked on Iron Giant and Incredibles and he did the voice of Emile, who is Remy’s brother. So those guys are in-house and they were already involved in the project and I didn’t see any reason to change what was perfect. I re-cast a couple characters and there was a lot of difficulty in casting Remy and I heard Patton Oswalt on the radio and I thought he’d be perfect. I brought Peter O’Toole on and when I was first writing the character of Anton Ego that was the voice I heard in my mind and I was just hoping that he would say yes and he did. But Janeane Garofalo we cast after I came on and she does Colette and a lot of people can’t even recognize her because she so completely disappears into this role, which is a testament to how great an actress she is, and I’m really happy with the voice track on this film because it put the challenge to the animators to come up to the quality and be inspired by the voices – and I think they did.
:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]

*  It was six years ago and you look at the scope of your film and we knew it would be about rats and we knew we needed the rats to be able to move in certain ways. Pixar’s never really done a film with four-legged critters in it to any great extent, so I was excited because some of Disney’s great classical animated films have critters running around like this. We threw down to the tools group, who writes our code because it’s all proprietary software, that we need this to be phenomenal so we actually experimented for about a year in sort of a dead end, but it was always going to be promising and something special. Brad Bird made several things work that weren’t working. We figured that once we got them outfitted correctly with the right technical setup so that they could squash and stretch beyond what’s been done before in animation, that in the hands of a director like Brad who knows animation inside and out, that it would be phenomenal. As far as the food looking great, we hoped we would pull it off and I think we did. I think appetizing food in a film like this is a surprise and if people come out hungry, which I’ve heard has happened, then that’s a testament to that
:* Brian Lewis [:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Ratatouille (film)}}
{{Commons category|Ratatouille (film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0382932|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Imdb title]] on how to get IMDB ID --&gt;
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=ratatouille|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Rotten-tomatoes]] on how to get RT ID --&gt;
* The official [http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/ratatouille/ Ratatouille] site

[[Category:2007 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]                    [[te:రాటటౌల్లె (2007 సినిమా)]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Films about rats]]
[[Category:Films set in Paris]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Ratatouille (film)|Ratatouille]]''''' is a ([[w:2007 in film|2007]]) animated [[w:Disney|Disney]]/[[w:Pixar|Pixar]] film about a rat (Remy) who longs to follow in the footsteps of his hero, the late Chef Auguste Gusteau (voice of [[Brad Garrett]]) — at one time considered to be the greatest chef in Paris. After discovering an unusual way through which he can control the actions of the hapless Linguini (voice of [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]]), who was working as a garbage boy in the kitchen of Gusteau's restaurant at the time, he is given the ultimate opportunity to show the world what he can do.
:''Written and Directed by [[Brad Bird]].''
{{center|'''He's dying to become a chef.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}

== Dialogue ==
:''[On Auguste Gusteau's death, the old woman with the shotgun attack the most accidentally running both — Remy and Émile from the rat colony to flee the TV as the others in the sewer for a sound, a voice and a sign at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': And you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true, anyone can cook… but only fearless can be great. 
:'''Remy''': Pure porety.
:'''TV Narrator''': But it was not to last. Gusteau's restaurant lost one of its five stars after a scathing review by France's top food critic, Anton Ego. It was a severe blow to Gusteau, and the brokenhearted chef died shortly afterwards, which according to tradition, meant the loss of another star.
:'''Remy''': Gusteau is dead? RUN! No! You'll lead her to the colony!
:'''Emile''': Help, Remy, help!  
:'''Remy''': Emile! Start swinging the light! I'll try to grab ya! Emile, swing to me! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
[After Remy's been separated from his sewer at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]
:'''Remy''': ''[voiceover]'' I waited. For a sound. A voice. A sign. Something!
:''[Remy is reading Gusteau's 'Anyone Can Cook'. He stops on a page with food on it, causing his stomach to grumble. He turns away, shielding the image of food from his view]''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[as a book illustration]'' If you are hungry, go up and look around, Remy.
:''[Remy is shocked to hear this. He looks under the page Gusteau's image is under.]''
:'''Gusteau''': Why do you wait and mope?
:'''Remy''': Well, I just lost my family, all my friends. Probably forever. 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know?
:'''Remy''': I... uh... ''[catches himself with a scoff]'' You are an illustration! Why am I talking to you?!
:'''Gusteau''': Oh, you just lost your family, all your friends. You are lonely.
:'''Remy''': Yeah, well, you're dead!
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, but that is no match for wishful thinking! If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead! Now go up and look around!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Remy is about to eat a bread crumb when Gusteau appears before him at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': What are you doing?!?!
:'''Remy''': ''[Sighs]'' I'm hungry!! I don't know where I am, I don't know when I'll find food again!
:'''Gusteau''': Remy, you are better than that. You are a cook! A cook makes, a thief takes!!!! You are not a thief.
:'''Remy''': But I am hungry!
:'''Gusteau''': ''[chuckles]'' Food will come, Remy. Food always comes to those who love to cook.
:''[Gusteau’s image disappears into the bread crumb and Remy sighs at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Remy''': The sous chef... There. The sous is responsible for the kitchen when the chef's not around. Saucier, in charge of sauces. Very important. Chef de partie, demi chef de partie, both important. Commis, commis, they're cooks. Very important.
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, you are a clever rat. Now, who is that?
:''[He points to Linguini, who's clumsily cleaning up the kitchen at [[Paris]], [[France]].]''
:'''Remy''': Oh, him? He’s nobody.
:'''Gusteau''': Not nobody. He is part of the kitchen.
:'''Remy''': No, he’s a plongeur or something! He washes dishes or takes out the garbage. He doesn’t cook.
:'''Gusteau''': But he could!
:'''Remy''': ''[dismissively]'' Uh, no! 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know? What do I always say? Anyone can cook.
:'''Remy''': Well, yeah, anyone can!!!! That doesn't mean that anyone should!!!!
:'''Gusteau''': Well, that is not stopping him. See?
:''[Linguini has accidentally spilt a pot of soup and is attempting to cover up his mistake by throwing random ingredients into it.]''
:'''Remy''': What?! What are you doing?! No.... no!! No, this is terrible! He is... ruining the soup!! And nobody is noticing?!?! ''[to Gusteau]'' It is your restaurant! Do something!
:'''Gusteau''': What can I do?! I am a figment of your imagination!
:'''Remy''': ''[screaming]'' '''''BUT HE IS RUINING THE SOUP!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE GOT TO TELL SOMEONE THAT HE IS...''''' ''[slips and falls into the kitchen]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Collete''': Who made something she liked! How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't uphold his most cherished belief?  :'''Skinner''': And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou?
:'''Colette''': Anyone can cook.
:''[pause, Skinner looks around at the other cooks, who are smiling with approval]''
:'''Skinner''': Perhaps I have been a bit harsh on our new garbage boy. He has taken a bold risk, and we should reward that, as Chef Gusteau would have. If he wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny him.
:'''Gusteau''': You were escaping?   
:'''Remy''': Oh, yeah.   
:'''Skinner''': Since you have expressed such an interest in his cooking career, you shall be responsible for it. Anyone else? Hmm?! Then back to work! You are either very lucky or very unlucky. You will make the soup again, and this time I’ll be paying attention. Very close attention. They think you might be a cook, but do you know what I think, Linguini? I think you are a sneaky, overreaching little... ''[spots Remy attempting to escape]'' '''''RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Grabs a broom and hits Remy with it]''
:'''Horst''': Get the rat!
:''[Everyone attempts to catch Remy]''
:'''Skinner''': Linguini! Get something to trap it!
:'''Horst''': It’s getting away! Get it, get it, get it!
:''[Linguini has trapped Remy in a jar.]''
:'''Linguini''': What should I do now?
:'''Skinner''': Kill it!
:'''Linguini''': Now?
:'''Skinner''': No!! Not in the kitchen! Are you mad?!?! If anyone knew we had a rat in our kitchen, they’d shut us down! Our reputation is hanging by a thread as it is! Take it away from here, far away! Kill it! Dispose of it! '''''GO!!!!!!!!!!!!''''' 
:'''Linguini''': Whoa! ''[hops onto his bicycle]'' Doh! Don't look at me like that! You're not the one only who's trapped! They expect me to cook it again! I'm mean, I'm not ambitious, I wasn’t trying to cook, I was just trying to stay out of trouble! You're the one who was getting fancy with the spices! ''[Furiously]'' What did you throw in there?! Oregano? No? What? Ro... uh, rosemary? That's a spice, isn't it? Rosemary? You didn't throw Rosemary in there? Then what was all the flipping, all the throwing the... ''[sighs]'' I need this job, I've lost so many, I don't know how to cook, and now I am actually talking to a rat as if you... ''[gasps]'' Did you nod?! Have you been nodding?! You understand me! So, I'm not crazy. Wait a second, wait a second. Uh, I can't cook, can I? ''[Remy shakes his head “no”]'' But you, heh, you can, right? Look, don't be so modest. You're a rat for a Pete's sake. Whatever you did, they liked it. Yeah. This could work. Hey they like the soup. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Anton Ego''': What is it, Ambrister? 
:'''Ambrister''': Gusteau's, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': Finally closing, is it?
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': More financial troubles?
:'''Ambrister''': No, it's... it's...
:'''Anton Ego''': Announced a new line of microwave egg-rolls?!?! What?! What?! Spit it out!
:'''Ambrister''': It's come back, it's popular.
:''[Ego partly spits out a mouthful of wine, before checking the label, then roughly swallowing the rest of the wine]'' 
:'''Anton Ego''': I haven't reviewed Gusteau's in years!
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': My last review condemned it to the tourist trade.
:'''Ambrister''': Yes, sir. 
:''[Ego takes out a copy of his last review of Gusteau's]''
:'''Anton Ego''': I said: &quot;Gusteau has finally found his rightful place in history right alongside another equally famous chef, Monsieur Boyardee.&quot;
:'''Ambrister''': Touche!
:'''Anton Ego''': That is where we left it, that was my last word! The. Last. Word!
:'''Ambrister''': ''[cowering]'' Yes!
:'''Anton Ego''': Then tell me, Ambrister, how could it be popular?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': ''No...no...no, no, NO, NOOO!! '''NOOOO!!!!''''' ''[Kicks drawer]'' 
:'''Talon''': The DNA matches, the timing works, everything checks out. He is Gusteau’s son.
:'''Skinner''': T-t-this can’t just- happen! The whole thing is a set up! '''''THE BOY KNOWS!!!!!!!!''''' Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot! He’s toying with my mind, like a cat with a ball! Of something!
:'''Talon''': String?
:'''Skinner''': Yes! Playing dumb! Taunting me with that rat!
:'''Talon''': Rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Yes! He’s consorting with it! Deliberately trying to make me think it’s important!
:'''Talon''': The...rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Exactly!!!!
:'''Talon''': '''''Is''''' the rat important?
:'''Skinner''': Of course not! He just wants me to think that it is! Oh, no, I see the theatricality of it! A rat appears on the boy’s first night, I order him to kill it, and now he wants me to see it everywhere! ''[high voice]'' '''''OOOOH!!!!''''' It's here! No, it isn't, it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not?! But, oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of... 
:'''Talon''': ...Should I be concerned about this? About you? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Horst''': It's your recipe! How can you not know your own RECIPE?!?!
:'''Linguini''': I didn't write it down, it just came to me!
:'''Horst''': Well, make it come to you again, ja?! '''''BECAUSE WE CAN'T SERVE THIS!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Mustafa''': Where's my order?!
:'''Linguini''': Can't we serve something else? Something I didn't invent?
:'''Larousse''': This is what they're ordering!
:'''Linguini''': Make them order something else! Tell them we're all out.
:'''Pompidou''': We cannot be all out. We just opened.
:'''Larousse''': I have another idea. '''''What if we serve them what they order?!?!'''''
:'''Colette''': We will make it! Just tell us what you did!
:'''Linguini''': I don't know what I did!
:'''Horst''': We need to tell the customers something! 
:'''Linguini''': Then tell them! Tell them! '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Linguini flees the kitchen]''
:'''Larousse''': Eh?!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': Don’t do it!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': They'll see you! Stop!
:'''Horst''': We are not talking about me! We are talking about what to do right now!
:'''Colette''': ''[gasps]'' Rats!!
:'''Horst''': RAAAATS!!
:'''Django''': REMY!!
:'''Horst''': GET MY KNIFE!!!!
:'''Linguini''': DON'T TOUCH HIM!! Thanks for coming back, Little Chef! I know this sounds insane, but... Well the truth sounds insane sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not. Uh, the truth. And the truth is, I have no talent at all. But this rat, he's the one behind these recipes. He's the cook. The real cook. He’s been hiding under my toque. He's been controlling my actions. He's the reason I can cook the food that's exciting everyone. The reason Ego is outside that door. You've been giving me credit for the gift. I know it's a hard thing to believe. But, hey, you believed I could cook, right? Look, it works. It's crazy, bit it works. We can be the greatest restaurant in Paris, and this rat, this brilliant Little Chef, can lead us there! What do you say? You with me?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mustafa''': ''[taking Ego's order]'' Do you know what you’d like this evening, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Yes, I think I do. After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I’d like some fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?
:'''Mustafa''': ''[confused]'' With what, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Perspective. Fresh out, I take it?
:'''Mustafa''': I am, uh...
:'''Anton Ego''': Very well. Since you're all out of perspective and no one else seems to have it in this bloody town, I'll make you a deal! You provide the food, I'll provide the perspective, which would go nicely with a bottle of Cheval Blanc 1947.
:'''Mustafa''': I'm afraid, um, your dinner selection?
:'''Anton Ego''': ''[stands up angrily]'' Tell your chef Linguini that I want whatever he dares to serve me. Tell him to hit me with his best shot!! 
:''[Skinner is in disguise nearby and speaks to his waiter]''
:'''Skinner''': ''[in a lower and gruff voice]'' I will have whatever he is having!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gusteau''': ''[Remy is locked in a cage in Skinner’s trunk]'' So, we have given up.
:'''Remy''': Why do you say that? 
:'''Gusteau''': We are in a cage, inside a car trunk, awaiting a future in frozen food products. 
:'''Remy''': No, I'm the one in a cage. I've given up. You... are free. 
:'''Gusteau''': I am only as free as you imagine me to be. As you are. 
:'''Remy''': Oh, please. I'm sick of pretending. I pretend to be a rat for my father, I pretend to be a human for Linguini. I pretend you exist, so I have someone to talk to! You only tell me stuff I already know! I know who I am! Why do I need you to tell me?! '''''WHY DO I NEED TO PRETEND?!?!'''''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[laughs]'' Ah. But you don't, Remy. You never did. ''[he disappears in a cage in Skinner's trunk]''
:''[Git pushes a statue off the building and misses it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]''
:'''Django''': ''[to Git]'' No. My other left!
:'''Remy''': ''[inside Skinner's trunk, mumbling]'' Dad? Dad, I'm in here! ''[Git pushes another statue off the building]'' I'm inside the trunk! ''[finally it causing it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]'' What the--? Dad!
:'''Emile''': Hey, little brother!
:'''Remy''': Emile! ''[Django and Emile releases him to the Skinner's cage, affectionate]'' I love you guys!
:'''Django''': Where are you going?
:'''Remy''': Back to the restaurant. They'll fail without me!
:'''Django''': Why do you care?!
:'''Remy''': '''''BECAUSE I'M A COOK!!!!'''''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': Who cooked the ratatouille?!?! I demand to know!!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Django''': Hey, believe me, that story gets better when I tell it, okay?! [laughs] Come on, bring some food over here, we're starving!!!!

== Taglines ==
* He's dying to become a chef!
* Stop that chef!
* A Comedy with Great Taste!
* A Rat in a Kitchen! Cooking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

== Cast ==
* [[Patton Oswalt]] — Remy
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] — Alfredo Linguini
* [[Janeane Garofalo]] — Colette
* [[w:Ian Holm|Ian Holm]] — Skinner
* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] — Emile
* [[Brad Garrett]] — Gusteau
* [[w:Brian Dennehy|Brian Dennehy]] — Django
* [[w:Peter O'Toole|Peter O'Toole]] — Anton Ego
* [[Will Arnett]] — Horst
* [[w:Julius Callahan|Julius Callahan]] — Lalo
* [[w:James Remar|Jamie Remar]] — Larousse
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — Mustafa
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Theodore Newton]] — Talon Labarthe
* [[w:Tony Fucile|Tony Fucile]] — Pompidou
* [[w:Jake Steinfeld|Jake Steinfeld]] — Git
* [[Brad Bird]] — Ambrister Minion
* [[w:Stephanie Roux (actor)|Stephanie Roux]] — the narrator of the cooking channel

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==

* I think our goal is to get the impression of something rather than perfect photographic reality. It’s to get the feeling of something so I think that our challenge was the computer basically wants to do things that are clean and perfect and don’t have any history to them. If you want to do something that’s different than that you have to put that information in there and the computer kind of fights you. It really doesn’t want to do that and Paris is a very rich city that has a lot of history to it and it’s lived in. Everything’s beautiful but it’s lived in. It has history to it, so it has imperfections and it’s part of why it’s beautiful is you can feel the history in every little nook and cranny. For us every single bit of that has to be put in there. We can’t go somewhere and film something. If there’s a crack in there, we have to design the crack and if you noticed the tiles on the floor of the restaurant, they’re not perfectly flat, they’re like slightly angled differently, and they catch light differently. Somebody has to sit there and angle them all separately so we had to focus on that a lot. And it was a movie about good food and the food had to look delicious and its data. How do you define what makes food look good. It’s actually a bunch of really subtle little complicated things and everybody worked really hard on it.
:* Brad Bird [http://collider.com/brad-bird-interview-ratatouille/]
* I entered this movie as director kind of late. I was asked to come on the project a little less than a year and a half ago, so several characters had been cast before I got there. Famous people like Madame Iandore Anna Holm, Brian Dennehy, and Brad Garrett were already on board and there were also some Pixar people who happened to have perfect voices, like Lou Romano who did Linguini. He was production designer on The Incredibles. And Peter Sohn is a young, very gifted story guide and animator who worked on Iron Giant and Incredibles and he did the voice of Emile, who is Remy’s brother. So those guys are in-house and they were already involved in the project and I didn’t see any reason to change what was perfect. I re-cast a couple characters and there was a lot of difficulty in casting Remy and I heard Patton Oswalt on the radio and I thought he’d be perfect. I brought Peter O’Toole on and when I was first writing the character of Anton Ego that was the voice I heard in my mind and I was just hoping that he would say yes and he did. But Janeane Garofalo we cast after I came on and she does Colette and a lot of people can’t even recognize her because she so completely disappears into this role, which is a testament to how great an actress she is, and I’m really happy with the voice track on this film because it put the challenge to the animators to come up to the quality and be inspired by the voices – and I think they did.
:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]

*  It was six years ago and you look at the scope of your film and we knew it would be about rats and we knew we needed the rats to be able to move in certain ways. Pixar’s never really done a film with four-legged critters in it to any great extent, so I was excited because some of Disney’s great classical animated films have critters running around like this. We threw down to the tools group, who writes our code because it’s all proprietary software, that we need this to be phenomenal so we actually experimented for about a year in sort of a dead end, but it was always going to be promising and something special. Brad Bird made several things work that weren’t working. We figured that once we got them outfitted correctly with the right technical setup so that they could squash and stretch beyond what’s been done before in animation, that in the hands of a director like Brad who knows animation inside and out, that it would be phenomenal. As far as the food looking great, we hoped we would pull it off and I think we did. I think appetizing food in a film like this is a surprise and if people come out hungry, which I’ve heard has happened, then that’s a testament to that
:* Brian Lewis [:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Ratatouille (film)}}
{{Commons category|Ratatouille (film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0382932|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Imdb title]] on how to get IMDB ID --&gt;
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=ratatouille|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Rotten-tomatoes]] on how to get RT ID --&gt;
* The official [http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/ratatouille/ Ratatouille] site

[[Category:2007 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]                    [[te:రాటటౌల్లె (2007 సినిమా)]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Films about rats]]
[[Category:Films set in Paris]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:47:06Z</timestamp>
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'''''[[w:Ratatouille (film)|Ratatouille]]''''' is a ([[w:2007 in film|2007]]) animated [[w:Disney|Disney]]/[[w:Pixar|Pixar]] film about a rat (Remy) who longs to follow in the footsteps of his hero, the late Chef Auguste Gusteau (voice of [[Brad Garrett]]) — at one time considered to be the greatest chef in Paris. After discovering an unusual way through which he can control the actions of the hapless Linguini (voice of [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]]), who was working as a garbage boy in the kitchen of Gusteau's restaurant at the time, he is given the ultimate opportunity to show the world what he can do.
:''Written and Directed by [[Brad Bird]].''
{{center|'''He's dying to become a chef.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}

== Dialogue ==
:''[On Auguste Gusteau's death, the old woman with the shotgun attack the most accidentally running both — Remy and Émile from the rat colony to flee the TV as the others in the sewer for a sound, a voice and a sign at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': And you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true, anyone can cook… but only fearless can be great. 
:'''Remy''': Pure porety.
:'''TV Narrator''': But it was not to last. Gusteau's restaurant lost one of its five stars after a scathing review by France's top food critic, Anton Ego. It was a severe blow to Gusteau, and the brokenhearted chef died shortly afterwards, which according to tradition, meant the loss of another star.
:'''Remy''': Gusteau is dead? RUN! No! You'll lead her to the colony!
:'''Emile''': Help, Remy, help!  
:'''Remy''': Emile! Start swinging the light! I'll try to grab ya! Emile, swing to me! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
[After Remy's been separated from his sewer at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]
:'''Remy''': ''[voiceover]'' I waited. For a sound. A voice. A sign. Something!
:''[Remy is reading Gusteau's 'Anyone Can Cook'. He stops on a page with food on it, causing his stomach to grumble. He turns away, shielding the image of food from his view]''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[as a book illustration]'' If you are hungry, go up and look around, Remy.
:''[Remy is shocked to hear this. He looks under the page Gusteau's image is under.]''
:'''Gusteau''': Why do you wait and mope?
:'''Remy''': Well, I just lost my family, all my friends. Probably forever. 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know?
:'''Remy''': I... uh... ''[catches himself with a scoff]'' You are an illustration! Why am I talking to you?!
:'''Gusteau''': Oh, you just lost your family, all your friends. You are lonely.
:'''Remy''': Yeah, well, you're dead!
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, but that is no match for wishful thinking! If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead! Now go up and look around!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Remy is about to eat a bread crumb when Gusteau appears before him at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': What are you doing?!?!
:'''Remy''': ''[Sighs]'' I'm hungry!! I don't know where I am, I don't know when I'll find food again!
:'''Gusteau''': Remy, you are better than that. You are a cook! A cook makes, a thief takes!!!! You are not a thief.
:'''Remy''': But I am hungry!
:'''Gusteau''': ''[chuckles]'' Food will come, Remy. Food always comes to those who love to cook.
:''[Gusteau’s image disappears into the bread crumb and Remy sighs at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Remy''': The sous chef... There. The sous is responsible for the kitchen when the chef's not around. Saucier, in charge of sauces. Very important. Chef de partie, demi chef de partie, both important. Commis, commis, they're cooks. Very important.
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, you are a clever rat. Now, who is that?
:''[He points to Linguini, who's clumsily cleaning up the kitchen at [[Paris]], [[France]].]''
:'''Remy''': Oh, him? He’s nobody.
:'''Gusteau''': Not nobody. He is part of the kitchen.
:'''Remy''': No, he’s a plongeur or something! He washes dishes or takes out the garbage. He doesn’t cook.
:'''Gusteau''': But he could!
:'''Remy''': ''[dismissively]'' Uh, no! 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know? What do I always say? Anyone can cook.
:'''Remy''': Well, yeah, anyone can!!!! That doesn't mean that anyone should!!!!
:'''Gusteau''': Well, that is not stopping him. See?
:''[Linguini has accidentally spilt a pot of soup and is attempting to cover up his mistake by throwing random ingredients into it.]''
:'''Remy''': What?! What are you doing?! No.... no!! No, this is terrible! He is... ruining the soup!! And nobody is noticing?!?! ''[to Gusteau]'' It is your restaurant! Do something!
:'''Gusteau''': What can I do?! I am a figment of your imagination!
:'''Remy''': ''[screaming]'' '''''BUT HE IS RUINING THE SOUP!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE GOT TO TELL SOMEONE THAT HE IS...''''' ''[slips and falls into the kitchen]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Collete''': Who made something she liked! How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't uphold his most cherished belief?
:'''Skinner''': And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou?
:'''Colette''': Anyone can cook.
:''[pause, Skinner looks around at the other cooks, who are smiling with approval]''
:'''Skinner''': Perhaps I have been a bit harsh on our new garbage boy. He has taken a bold risk, and we should reward that, as Chef Gusteau would have. If he wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny him.
:'''Gusteau''': You were escaping?   
:'''Remy''': Oh, yeah.   
:'''Skinner''': Since you have expressed such an interest in his cooking career, you shall be responsible for it. Anyone else? Hmm?! Then back to work! You are either very lucky or very unlucky. You will make the soup again, and this time I’ll be paying attention. Very close attention. They think you might be a cook, but do you know what I think, Linguini? I think you are a sneaky, overreaching little... ''[spots Remy attempting to escape]'' '''''RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Grabs a broom and hits Remy with it]''
:'''Horst''': Get the rat!
:''[Everyone attempts to catch Remy]''
:'''Skinner''': Linguini! Get something to trap it!
:'''Horst''': It’s getting away! Get it, get it, get it!
:''[Linguini has trapped Remy in a jar.]''
:'''Linguini''': What should I do now?
:'''Skinner''': Kill it!
:'''Linguini''': Now?
:'''Skinner''': No!! Not in the kitchen! Are you mad?!?! If anyone knew we had a rat in our kitchen, they’d shut us down! Our reputation is hanging by a thread as it is! Take it away from here, far away! Kill it! Dispose of it! '''''GO!!!!!!!!!!!!''''' 
:'''Linguini''': Whoa! ''[hops onto his bicycle]'' Doh! Don't look at me like that! You're not the one only who's trapped! They expect me to cook it again! I'm mean, I'm not ambitious, I wasn’t trying to cook, I was just trying to stay out of trouble! You're the one who was getting fancy with the spices! ''[Furiously]'' What did you throw in there?! Oregano? No? What? Ro... uh, rosemary? That's a spice, isn't it? Rosemary? You didn't throw Rosemary in there? Then what was all the flipping, all the throwing the... ''[sighs]'' I need this job, I've lost so many, I don't know how to cook, and now I am actually talking to a rat as if you... ''[gasps]'' Did you nod?! Have you been nodding?! You understand me! So, I'm not crazy. Wait a second, wait a second. Uh, I can't cook, can I? ''[Remy shakes his head “no”]'' But you, heh, you can, right? Look, don't be so modest. You're a rat for a Pete's sake. Whatever you did, they liked it. Yeah. This could work. Hey they like the soup. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Anton Ego''': What is it, Ambrister? 
:'''Ambrister''': Gusteau's, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': Finally closing, is it?
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': More financial troubles?
:'''Ambrister''': No, it's... it's...
:'''Anton Ego''': Announced a new line of microwave egg-rolls?!?! What?! What?! Spit it out!
:'''Ambrister''': It's come back, it's popular.
:''[Ego partly spits out a mouthful of wine, before checking the label, then roughly swallowing the rest of the wine]'' 
:'''Anton Ego''': I haven't reviewed Gusteau's in years!
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': My last review condemned it to the tourist trade.
:'''Ambrister''': Yes, sir. 
:''[Ego takes out a copy of his last review of Gusteau's]''
:'''Anton Ego''': I said: &quot;Gusteau has finally found his rightful place in history right alongside another equally famous chef, Monsieur Boyardee.&quot;
:'''Ambrister''': Touche!
:'''Anton Ego''': That is where we left it, that was my last word! The. Last. Word!
:'''Ambrister''': ''[cowering]'' Yes!
:'''Anton Ego''': Then tell me, Ambrister, how could it be popular?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': ''No...no...no, no, NO, NOOO!! '''NOOOO!!!!''''' ''[Kicks drawer]'' 
:'''Talon''': The DNA matches, the timing works, everything checks out. He is Gusteau’s son.
:'''Skinner''': T-t-this can’t just- happen! The whole thing is a set up! '''''THE BOY KNOWS!!!!!!!!''''' Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot! He’s toying with my mind, like a cat with a ball! Of something!
:'''Talon''': String?
:'''Skinner''': Yes! Playing dumb! Taunting me with that rat!
:'''Talon''': Rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Yes! He’s consorting with it! Deliberately trying to make me think it’s important!
:'''Talon''': The...rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Exactly!!!!
:'''Talon''': '''''Is''''' the rat important?
:'''Skinner''': Of course not! He just wants me to think that it is! Oh, no, I see the theatricality of it! A rat appears on the boy’s first night, I order him to kill it, and now he wants me to see it everywhere! ''[high voice]'' '''''OOOOH!!!!''''' It's here! No, it isn't, it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not?! But, oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of... 
:'''Talon''': ...Should I be concerned about this? About you? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Horst''': It's your recipe! How can you not know your own RECIPE?!?!
:'''Linguini''': I didn't write it down, it just came to me!
:'''Horst''': Well, make it come to you again, ja?! '''''BECAUSE WE CAN'T SERVE THIS!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Mustafa''': Where's my order?!
:'''Linguini''': Can't we serve something else? Something I didn't invent?
:'''Larousse''': This is what they're ordering!
:'''Linguini''': Make them order something else! Tell them we're all out.
:'''Pompidou''': We cannot be all out. We just opened.
:'''Larousse''': I have another idea. '''''What if we serve them what they order?!?!'''''
:'''Colette''': We will make it! Just tell us what you did!
:'''Linguini''': I don't know what I did!
:'''Horst''': We need to tell the customers something! 
:'''Linguini''': Then tell them! Tell them! '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Linguini flees the kitchen]''
:'''Larousse''': Eh?!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': Don’t do it!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': They'll see you! Stop!
:'''Horst''': We are not talking about me! We are talking about what to do right now!
:'''Colette''': ''[gasps]'' Rats!!
:'''Horst''': RAAAATS!!
:'''Django''': REMY!!
:'''Horst''': GET MY KNIFE!!!!
:'''Linguini''': DON'T TOUCH HIM!! Thanks for coming back, Little Chef! I know this sounds insane, but... Well the truth sounds insane sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not. Uh, the truth. And the truth is, I have no talent at all. But this rat, he's the one behind these recipes. He's the cook. The real cook. He’s been hiding under my toque. He's been controlling my actions. He's the reason I can cook the food that's exciting everyone. The reason Ego is outside that door. You've been giving me credit for the gift. I know it's a hard thing to believe. But, hey, you believed I could cook, right? Look, it works. It's crazy, bit it works. We can be the greatest restaurant in Paris, and this rat, this brilliant Little Chef, can lead us there! What do you say? You with me?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mustafa''': ''[taking Ego's order]'' Do you know what you’d like this evening, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Yes, I think I do. After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I’d like some fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?
:'''Mustafa''': ''[confused]'' With what, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Perspective. Fresh out, I take it?
:'''Mustafa''': I am, uh...
:'''Anton Ego''': Very well. Since you're all out of perspective and no one else seems to have it in this bloody town, I'll make you a deal! You provide the food, I'll provide the perspective, which would go nicely with a bottle of Cheval Blanc 1947.
:'''Mustafa''': I'm afraid, um, your dinner selection?
:'''Anton Ego''': ''[stands up angrily]'' Tell your chef Linguini that I want whatever he dares to serve me. Tell him to hit me with his best shot!! 
:''[Skinner is in disguise nearby and speaks to his waiter]''
:'''Skinner''': ''[in a lower and gruff voice]'' I will have whatever he is having!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gusteau''': ''[Remy is locked in a cage in Skinner’s trunk]'' So, we have given up.
:'''Remy''': Why do you say that? 
:'''Gusteau''': We are in a cage, inside a car trunk, awaiting a future in frozen food products. 
:'''Remy''': No, I'm the one in a cage. I've given up. You... are free. 
:'''Gusteau''': I am only as free as you imagine me to be. As you are. 
:'''Remy''': Oh, please. I'm sick of pretending. I pretend to be a rat for my father, I pretend to be a human for Linguini. I pretend you exist, so I have someone to talk to! You only tell me stuff I already know! I know who I am! Why do I need you to tell me?! '''''WHY DO I NEED TO PRETEND?!?!'''''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[laughs]'' Ah. But you don't, Remy. You never did. ''[he disappears in a cage in Skinner's trunk]''
:''[Git pushes a statue off the building and misses it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]''
:'''Django''': ''[to Git]'' No. My other left!
:'''Remy''': ''[inside Skinner's trunk, mumbling]'' Dad? Dad, I'm in here! ''[Git pushes another statue off the building]'' I'm inside the trunk! ''[finally it causing it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]'' What the--? Dad!
:'''Emile''': Hey, little brother!
:'''Remy''': Emile! ''[Django and Emile releases him to the Skinner's cage, affectionate]'' I love you guys!
:'''Django''': Where are you going?
:'''Remy''': Back to the restaurant. They'll fail without me!
:'''Django''': Why do you care?!
:'''Remy''': '''''BECAUSE I'M A COOK!!!!'''''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': Who cooked the ratatouille?!?! I demand to know!!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Django''': Hey, believe me, that story gets better when I tell it, okay?! [laughs] Come on, bring some food over here, we're starving!!!!

== Taglines ==
* He's dying to become a chef!
* Stop that chef!
* A Comedy with Great Taste!
* A Rat in a Kitchen! Cooking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

== Cast ==
* [[Patton Oswalt]] — Remy
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] — Alfredo Linguini
* [[Janeane Garofalo]] — Colette
* [[w:Ian Holm|Ian Holm]] — Skinner
* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] — Emile
* [[Brad Garrett]] — Gusteau
* [[w:Brian Dennehy|Brian Dennehy]] — Django
* [[w:Peter O'Toole|Peter O'Toole]] — Anton Ego
* [[Will Arnett]] — Horst
* [[w:Julius Callahan|Julius Callahan]] — Lalo
* [[w:James Remar|Jamie Remar]] — Larousse
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — Mustafa
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Theodore Newton]] — Talon Labarthe
* [[w:Tony Fucile|Tony Fucile]] — Pompidou
* [[w:Jake Steinfeld|Jake Steinfeld]] — Git
* [[Brad Bird]] — Ambrister Minion
* [[w:Stephanie Roux (actor)|Stephanie Roux]] — the narrator of the cooking channel

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==

* I think our goal is to get the impression of something rather than perfect photographic reality. It’s to get the feeling of something so I think that our challenge was the computer basically wants to do things that are clean and perfect and don’t have any history to them. If you want to do something that’s different than that you have to put that information in there and the computer kind of fights you. It really doesn’t want to do that and Paris is a very rich city that has a lot of history to it and it’s lived in. Everything’s beautiful but it’s lived in. It has history to it, so it has imperfections and it’s part of why it’s beautiful is you can feel the history in every little nook and cranny. For us every single bit of that has to be put in there. We can’t go somewhere and film something. If there’s a crack in there, we have to design the crack and if you noticed the tiles on the floor of the restaurant, they’re not perfectly flat, they’re like slightly angled differently, and they catch light differently. Somebody has to sit there and angle them all separately so we had to focus on that a lot. And it was a movie about good food and the food had to look delicious and its data. How do you define what makes food look good. It’s actually a bunch of really subtle little complicated things and everybody worked really hard on it.
:* Brad Bird [http://collider.com/brad-bird-interview-ratatouille/]
* I entered this movie as director kind of late. I was asked to come on the project a little less than a year and a half ago, so several characters had been cast before I got there. Famous people like Madame Iandore Anna Holm, Brian Dennehy, and Brad Garrett were already on board and there were also some Pixar people who happened to have perfect voices, like Lou Romano who did Linguini. He was production designer on The Incredibles. And Peter Sohn is a young, very gifted story guide and animator who worked on Iron Giant and Incredibles and he did the voice of Emile, who is Remy’s brother. So those guys are in-house and they were already involved in the project and I didn’t see any reason to change what was perfect. I re-cast a couple characters and there was a lot of difficulty in casting Remy and I heard Patton Oswalt on the radio and I thought he’d be perfect. I brought Peter O’Toole on and when I was first writing the character of Anton Ego that was the voice I heard in my mind and I was just hoping that he would say yes and he did. But Janeane Garofalo we cast after I came on and she does Colette and a lot of people can’t even recognize her because she so completely disappears into this role, which is a testament to how great an actress she is, and I’m really happy with the voice track on this film because it put the challenge to the animators to come up to the quality and be inspired by the voices – and I think they did.
:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]

*  It was six years ago and you look at the scope of your film and we knew it would be about rats and we knew we needed the rats to be able to move in certain ways. Pixar’s never really done a film with four-legged critters in it to any great extent, so I was excited because some of Disney’s great classical animated films have critters running around like this. We threw down to the tools group, who writes our code because it’s all proprietary software, that we need this to be phenomenal so we actually experimented for about a year in sort of a dead end, but it was always going to be promising and something special. Brad Bird made several things work that weren’t working. We figured that once we got them outfitted correctly with the right technical setup so that they could squash and stretch beyond what’s been done before in animation, that in the hands of a director like Brad who knows animation inside and out, that it would be phenomenal. As far as the food looking great, we hoped we would pull it off and I think we did. I think appetizing food in a film like this is a surprise and if people come out hungry, which I’ve heard has happened, then that’s a testament to that
:* Brian Lewis [:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Ratatouille (film)}}
{{Commons category|Ratatouille (film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0382932|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Imdb title]] on how to get IMDB ID --&gt;
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=ratatouille|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Rotten-tomatoes]] on how to get RT ID --&gt;
* The official [http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/ratatouille/ Ratatouille] site

[[Category:2007 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]                    [[te:రాటటౌల్లె (2007 సినిమా)]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Films about rats]]
[[Category:Films set in Paris]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146013</id>
      <parentid>3146011</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:49:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>205.237.131.3</ip>
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'''''[[w:Ratatouille (film)|Ratatouille]]''''' is a ([[w:2007 in film|2007]]) animated [[w:Disney|Disney]]/[[w:Pixar|Pixar]] film about a rat (Remy) who longs to follow in the footsteps of his hero, the late Chef Auguste Gusteau (voice of [[Brad Garrett]]) — at one time considered to be the greatest chef in Paris. After discovering an unusual way through which he can control the actions of the hapless Linguini (voice of [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]]), who was working as a garbage boy in the kitchen of Gusteau's restaurant at the time, he is given the ultimate opportunity to show the world what he can do.
:''Written and Directed by [[Brad Bird]].''
{{center|'''He's dying to become a chef.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}

== Dialogue ==
:''[On Auguste Gusteau's death, the old woman with the shotgun attack the most accidentally running both — Remy and Émile from the rat colony to flee the TV as the others in the sewer for a sound, a voice and a sign at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': And you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true, anyone can cook… but only fearless can be great. 
:'''Remy''': Pure porety.
:'''TV Narrator''': But it was not to last. Gusteau's restaurant lost one of its five stars after a scathing review by France's top food critic, Anton Ego. It was a severe blow to Gusteau, and the brokenhearted chef died shortly afterwards, which according to tradition, meant the loss of another star.
:'''Remy''': ''[stunned]'' Gusteau is dead? RUN! No! You'll lead her to the colony!
:'''Emile''': Help, Remy, help!  
:'''Remy''': Emile! Start swinging the light! I'll try to grab ya! Emile, swing to me! 
:'''Django''': EVACUATE! Everyone to the boats! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
[After Remy's been separated from his sewer at [[Rio de Janeiro]], [[Brazil]].]
:'''Remy''': ''[voiceover]'' I waited. For a sound. A voice. A sign. Something!
:''[Remy is reading Gusteau's 'Anyone Can Cook'. He stops on a page with food on it, causing his stomach to grumble. He turns away, shielding the image of food from his view]''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[as a book illustration]'' If you are hungry, go up and look around, Remy.
:''[Remy is shocked to hear this. He looks under the page Gusteau's image is under.]''
:'''Gusteau''': Why do you wait and mope?
:'''Remy''': Well, I just lost my family, all my friends. Probably forever. 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know?
:'''Remy''': I... uh... ''[catches himself with a scoff]'' You are an illustration! Why am I talking to you?!
:'''Gusteau''': Oh, you just lost your family, all your friends. You are lonely.
:'''Remy''': Yeah, well, you're dead!
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, but that is no match for wishful thinking! If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead! Now go up and look around!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Remy is about to eat a bread crumb when Gusteau appears before him at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
:'''Gusteau''': What are you doing?!?!
:'''Remy''': ''[Sighs]'' I'm hungry!! I don't know where I am, I don't know when I'll find food again!
:'''Gusteau''': Remy, you are better than that. You are a cook! A cook makes, a thief takes!!!! You are not a thief.
:'''Remy''': But I am hungry!
:'''Gusteau''': ''[chuckles]'' Food will come, Remy. Food always comes to those who love to cook.
:''[Gusteau’s image disappears into the bread crumb and Remy sighs at [[York]], [[United Kingdom]].]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Remy''': The sous chef... There. The sous is responsible for the kitchen when the chef's not around. Saucier, in charge of sauces. Very important. Chef de partie, demi chef de partie, both important. Commis, commis, they're cooks. Very important.
:'''Gusteau''': Ah, you are a clever rat. Now, who is that?
:''[He points to Linguini, who's clumsily cleaning up the kitchen at [[Paris]], [[France]].]''
:'''Remy''': Oh, him? He’s nobody.
:'''Gusteau''': Not nobody. He is part of the kitchen.
:'''Remy''': No, he’s a plongeur or something! He washes dishes or takes out the garbage. He doesn’t cook.
:'''Gusteau''': But he could!
:'''Remy''': ''[dismissively]'' Uh, no! 
:'''Gusteau''': How do you know? What do I always say? Anyone can cook.
:'''Remy''': Well, yeah, anyone can!!!! That doesn't mean that anyone should!!!!
:'''Gusteau''': Well, that is not stopping him. See?
:''[Linguini has accidentally spilt a pot of soup and is attempting to cover up his mistake by throwing random ingredients into it.]''
:'''Remy''': What?! What are you doing?! No.... no!! No, this is terrible! He is... ruining the soup!! And nobody is noticing?!?! ''[to Gusteau]'' It is your restaurant! Do something!
:'''Gusteau''': What can I do?! I am a figment of your imagination!
:'''Remy''': ''[screaming]'' '''''BUT HE IS RUINING THE SOUP!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE GOT TO TELL SOMEONE THAT HE IS...''''' ''[slips and falls into the kitchen]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Collete''': Who made something she liked! How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't uphold his most cherished belief?
:'''Skinner''': And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou?
:'''Colette''': Anyone can cook.
:''[pause, Skinner looks around at the other cooks, who are smiling with approval]''
:'''Skinner''': Perhaps I have been a bit harsh on our new garbage boy. He has taken a bold risk, and we should reward that, as Chef Gusteau would have. If he wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny him.
:'''Gusteau''': You were escaping?   
:'''Remy''': Oh, yeah.   
:'''Skinner''': Since you have expressed such an interest in his cooking career, you shall be responsible for it. Anyone else? Hmm?! Then back to work! You are either very lucky or very unlucky. You will make the soup again, and this time I’ll be paying attention. Very close attention. They think you might be a cook, but do you know what I think, Linguini? I think you are a sneaky, overreaching little... ''[spots Remy attempting to escape]'' '''''RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Grabs a broom and hits Remy with it]''
:'''Horst''': Get the rat!
:''[Everyone attempts to catch Remy]''
:'''Skinner''': Linguini! Get something to trap it!
:'''Horst''': It’s getting away! Get it, get it, get it!
:''[Linguini has trapped Remy in a jar.]''
:'''Linguini''': What should I do now?
:'''Skinner''': Kill it!
:'''Linguini''': Now?
:'''Skinner''': No!! Not in the kitchen! Are you mad?!?! If anyone knew we had a rat in our kitchen, they’d shut us down! Our reputation is hanging by a thread as it is! Take it away from here, far away! Kill it! Dispose of it! '''''GO!!!!!!!!!!!!''''' 
:'''Linguini''': Whoa! ''[hops onto his bicycle]'' Doh! Don't look at me like that! You're not the one only who's trapped! They expect me to cook it again! I'm mean, I'm not ambitious, I wasn’t trying to cook, I was just trying to stay out of trouble! You're the one who was getting fancy with the spices! ''[Furiously]'' What did you throw in there?! Oregano? No? What? Ro... uh, rosemary? That's a spice, isn't it? Rosemary? You didn't throw Rosemary in there? Then what was all the flipping, all the throwing the... ''[sighs]'' I need this job, I've lost so many, I don't know how to cook, and now I am actually talking to a rat as if you... ''[gasps]'' Did you nod?! Have you been nodding?! You understand me! So, I'm not crazy. Wait a second, wait a second. Uh, I can't cook, can I? ''[Remy shakes his head “no”]'' But you, heh, you can, right? Look, don't be so modest. You're a rat for a Pete's sake. Whatever you did, they liked it. Yeah. This could work. Hey they like the soup. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Anton Ego''': What is it, Ambrister? 
:'''Ambrister''': Gusteau's, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': Finally closing, is it?
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': More financial troubles?
:'''Ambrister''': No, it's... it's...
:'''Anton Ego''': Announced a new line of microwave egg-rolls?!?! What?! What?! Spit it out!
:'''Ambrister''': It's come back, it's popular.
:''[Ego partly spits out a mouthful of wine, before checking the label, then roughly swallowing the rest of the wine]'' 
:'''Anton Ego''': I haven't reviewed Gusteau's in years!
:'''Ambrister''': No, sir.
:'''Anton Ego''': My last review condemned it to the tourist trade.
:'''Ambrister''': Yes, sir. 
:''[Ego takes out a copy of his last review of Gusteau's]''
:'''Anton Ego''': I said: &quot;Gusteau has finally found his rightful place in history right alongside another equally famous chef, Monsieur Boyardee.&quot;
:'''Ambrister''': Touche!
:'''Anton Ego''': That is where we left it, that was my last word! The. Last. Word!
:'''Ambrister''': ''[cowering]'' Yes!
:'''Anton Ego''': Then tell me, Ambrister, how could it be popular?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': ''No...no...no, no, NO, NOOO!! '''NOOOO!!!!''''' ''[Kicks drawer]'' 
:'''Talon''': The DNA matches, the timing works, everything checks out. He is Gusteau’s son.
:'''Skinner''': T-t-this can’t just- happen! The whole thing is a set up! '''''THE BOY KNOWS!!!!!!!!''''' Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot! He’s toying with my mind, like a cat with a ball! Of something!
:'''Talon''': String?
:'''Skinner''': Yes! Playing dumb! Taunting me with that rat!
:'''Talon''': Rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Yes! He’s consorting with it! Deliberately trying to make me think it’s important!
:'''Talon''': The...rat? 
:'''Skinner''': Exactly!!!!
:'''Talon''': '''''Is''''' the rat important?
:'''Skinner''': Of course not! He just wants me to think that it is! Oh, no, I see the theatricality of it! A rat appears on the boy’s first night, I order him to kill it, and now he wants me to see it everywhere! ''[high voice]'' '''''OOOOH!!!!''''' It's here! No, it isn't, it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not?! But, oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of... 
:'''Talon''': ...Should I be concerned about this? About you? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Horst''': It's your recipe! How can you not know your own RECIPE?!?!
:'''Linguini''': I didn't write it down, it just came to me!
:'''Horst''': Well, make it come to you again, ja?! '''''BECAUSE WE CAN'T SERVE THIS!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Mustafa''': Where's my order?!
:'''Linguini''': Can't we serve something else? Something I didn't invent?
:'''Larousse''': This is what they're ordering!
:'''Linguini''': Make them order something else! Tell them we're all out.
:'''Pompidou''': We cannot be all out. We just opened.
:'''Larousse''': I have another idea. '''''What if we serve them what they order?!?!'''''
:'''Colette''': We will make it! Just tell us what you did!
:'''Linguini''': I don't know what I did!
:'''Horst''': We need to tell the customers something! 
:'''Linguini''': Then tell them! Tell them! '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Linguini flees the kitchen]''
:'''Larousse''': Eh?!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': Don’t do it!
:'''Django''': REMY!!   
:'''Emile''': They'll see you! Stop!
:'''Horst''': We are not talking about me! We are talking about what to do right now!
:'''Colette''': ''[gasps]'' Rats!!
:'''Horst''': RAAAATS!!
:'''Django''': REMY!!
:'''Horst''': GET MY KNIFE!!!!
:'''Linguini''': DON'T TOUCH HIM!! Thanks for coming back, Little Chef! I know this sounds insane, but... Well the truth sounds insane sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not. Uh, the truth. And the truth is, I have no talent at all. But this rat, he's the one behind these recipes. He's the cook. The real cook. He’s been hiding under my toque. He's been controlling my actions. He's the reason I can cook the food that's exciting everyone. The reason Ego is outside that door. You've been giving me credit for the gift. I know it's a hard thing to believe. But, hey, you believed I could cook, right? Look, it works. It's crazy, bit it works. We can be the greatest restaurant in Paris, and this rat, this brilliant Little Chef, can lead us there! What do you say? You with me?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mustafa''': ''[taking Ego's order]'' Do you know what you’d like this evening, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Yes, I think I do. After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I’d like some fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?
:'''Mustafa''': ''[confused]'' With what, sir?
:'''Anton Ego''': Perspective. Fresh out, I take it?
:'''Mustafa''': I am, uh...
:'''Anton Ego''': Very well. Since you're all out of perspective and no one else seems to have it in this bloody town, I'll make you a deal! You provide the food, I'll provide the perspective, which would go nicely with a bottle of Cheval Blanc 1947.
:'''Mustafa''': I'm afraid, um, your dinner selection?
:'''Anton Ego''': ''[stands up angrily]'' Tell your chef Linguini that I want whatever he dares to serve me. Tell him to hit me with his best shot!! 
:''[Skinner is in disguise nearby and speaks to his waiter]''
:'''Skinner''': ''[in a lower and gruff voice]'' I will have whatever he is having!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gusteau''': ''[Remy is locked in a cage in Skinner’s trunk]'' So, we have given up.
:'''Remy''': Why do you say that? 
:'''Gusteau''': We are in a cage, inside a car trunk, awaiting a future in frozen food products. 
:'''Remy''': No, I'm the one in a cage. I've given up. You... are free. 
:'''Gusteau''': I am only as free as you imagine me to be. As you are. 
:'''Remy''': Oh, please. I'm sick of pretending. I pretend to be a rat for my father, I pretend to be a human for Linguini. I pretend you exist, so I have someone to talk to! You only tell me stuff I already know! I know who I am! Why do I need you to tell me?! '''''WHY DO I NEED TO PRETEND?!?!'''''
:'''Gusteau''': ''[laughs]'' Ah. But you don't, Remy. You never did. ''[he disappears in a cage in Skinner's trunk]''
:''[Git pushes a statue off the building and misses it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]''
:'''Django''': ''[to Git]'' No. My other left!
:'''Remy''': ''[inside Skinner's trunk, mumbling]'' Dad? Dad, I'm in here! ''[Git pushes another statue off the building]'' I'm inside the trunk! ''[finally it causing it to land onto the Skinner's trunk]'' What the--? Dad!
:'''Emile''': Hey, little brother!
:'''Remy''': Emile! ''[Django and Emile releases him to the Skinner's cage, affectionate]'' I love you guys!
:'''Django''': Where are you going?
:'''Remy''': Back to the restaurant. They'll fail without me!
:'''Django''': Why do you care?!
:'''Remy''': '''''BECAUSE I'M A COOK!!!!'''''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Skinner''': Who cooked the ratatouille?!?! I demand to know!!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Django''': Hey, believe me, that story gets better when I tell it, okay?! [laughs] Come on, bring some food over here, we're starving!!!!

== Taglines ==
* He's dying to become a chef!
* Stop that chef!
* A Comedy with Great Taste!
* A Rat in a Kitchen! Cooking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

== Cast ==
* [[Patton Oswalt]] — Remy
* [[w:Lou Romano|Lou Romano]] — Alfredo Linguini
* [[Janeane Garofalo]] — Colette
* [[w:Ian Holm|Ian Holm]] — Skinner
* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] — Emile
* [[Brad Garrett]] — Gusteau
* [[w:Brian Dennehy|Brian Dennehy]] — Django
* [[w:Peter O'Toole|Peter O'Toole]] — Anton Ego
* [[Will Arnett]] — Horst
* [[w:Julius Callahan|Julius Callahan]] — Lalo
* [[w:James Remar|Jamie Remar]] — Larousse
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — Mustafa
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Theodore Newton]] — Talon Labarthe
* [[w:Tony Fucile|Tony Fucile]] — Pompidou
* [[w:Jake Steinfeld|Jake Steinfeld]] — Git
* [[Brad Bird]] — Ambrister Minion
* [[w:Stephanie Roux (actor)|Stephanie Roux]] — the narrator of the cooking channel

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==

* I think our goal is to get the impression of something rather than perfect photographic reality. It’s to get the feeling of something so I think that our challenge was the computer basically wants to do things that are clean and perfect and don’t have any history to them. If you want to do something that’s different than that you have to put that information in there and the computer kind of fights you. It really doesn’t want to do that and Paris is a very rich city that has a lot of history to it and it’s lived in. Everything’s beautiful but it’s lived in. It has history to it, so it has imperfections and it’s part of why it’s beautiful is you can feel the history in every little nook and cranny. For us every single bit of that has to be put in there. We can’t go somewhere and film something. If there’s a crack in there, we have to design the crack and if you noticed the tiles on the floor of the restaurant, they’re not perfectly flat, they’re like slightly angled differently, and they catch light differently. Somebody has to sit there and angle them all separately so we had to focus on that a lot. And it was a movie about good food and the food had to look delicious and its data. How do you define what makes food look good. It’s actually a bunch of really subtle little complicated things and everybody worked really hard on it.
:* Brad Bird [http://collider.com/brad-bird-interview-ratatouille/]
* I entered this movie as director kind of late. I was asked to come on the project a little less than a year and a half ago, so several characters had been cast before I got there. Famous people like Madame Iandore Anna Holm, Brian Dennehy, and Brad Garrett were already on board and there were also some Pixar people who happened to have perfect voices, like Lou Romano who did Linguini. He was production designer on The Incredibles. And Peter Sohn is a young, very gifted story guide and animator who worked on Iron Giant and Incredibles and he did the voice of Emile, who is Remy’s brother. So those guys are in-house and they were already involved in the project and I didn’t see any reason to change what was perfect. I re-cast a couple characters and there was a lot of difficulty in casting Remy and I heard Patton Oswalt on the radio and I thought he’d be perfect. I brought Peter O’Toole on and when I was first writing the character of Anton Ego that was the voice I heard in my mind and I was just hoping that he would say yes and he did. But Janeane Garofalo we cast after I came on and she does Colette and a lot of people can’t even recognize her because she so completely disappears into this role, which is a testament to how great an actress she is, and I’m really happy with the voice track on this film because it put the challenge to the animators to come up to the quality and be inspired by the voices – and I think they did.
:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]

*  It was six years ago and you look at the scope of your film and we knew it would be about rats and we knew we needed the rats to be able to move in certain ways. Pixar’s never really done a film with four-legged critters in it to any great extent, so I was excited because some of Disney’s great classical animated films have critters running around like this. We threw down to the tools group, who writes our code because it’s all proprietary software, that we need this to be phenomenal so we actually experimented for about a year in sort of a dead end, but it was always going to be promising and something special. Brad Bird made several things work that weren’t working. We figured that once we got them outfitted correctly with the right technical setup so that they could squash and stretch beyond what’s been done before in animation, that in the hands of a director like Brad who knows animation inside and out, that it would be phenomenal. As far as the food looking great, we hoped we would pull it off and I think we did. I think appetizing food in a film like this is a surprise and if people come out hungry, which I’ve heard has happened, then that’s a testament to that
:* Brian Lewis [:* Brad Bird [http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interview_ratatouille1.php]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Ratatouille (film)}}
{{Commons category|Ratatouille (film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0382932|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Imdb title]] on how to get IMDB ID --&gt;
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=ratatouille|title=Ratatouille}} &lt;!-- see [[Template:Rotten-tomatoes]] on how to get RT ID --&gt;
* The official [http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/ratatouille/ Ratatouille] site

[[Category:2007 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]                    [[te:రాటటౌల్లె (2007 సినిమా)]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
[[Category:Films about rats]]
[[Category:Films set in Paris]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Jim Clyburn</title>
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        <username>Ottawahitech</username>
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      <comment>/* Sourced */ coronavirus subcommittee</comment>
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      <text bytes="5896" xml:space="preserve">[[File:James Clyburn, official Congressional Majority Whip photo.jpg|thumb|right]]
'''[[w:Jim Clyburn|James Enos &quot;Jim&quot; Clyburn]]''' (born [[July 21]], [[1940]]) is an American politician and a member of the [[w:United States House of Representatives|United States House of Representatives]] for [[w:South_Carolina's_6th_congressional_district|South Carolina's 6th congressional district]]. He is a Democrat and currently serves as the [[w:House_Majority_Whip|House Majority Whip]].

== Sourced ==

* Today President Bush has failed the American people and especially people of color. Despite the lip service he and his party have given in recent weeks to building racial unity, his latest action seeks to perpetuate the current effects of past discrimination. … President Bush's decision to join this misguided attempt to resegregate our public institutions is regrettable.
** Reacting to Bush's decision to join the [[lawsuit]] opposing affirmative action in admitting students to the University of Michigan's law school
** {{cite web
  | date = [[16 January]] [[2003]]
  | url =http://clyburn.house.gov/press/030116michiganaffirmativeaction.html
  | title = &quot;Clyburn: Bush Administration Showing Its True Colors on Issues of Race&quot;
  | work = Representative Jim Clyburn
  | publisher = [[w:United States House of Representatives|United States House of Representatives]]
  | accessdate = 2007-07-24
}}

* I have no problems with private schools. I graduated from one and so did my mother.
** {{cite web
  | date = [[27 February]] [[2005]]
  | url = http://clyburn.house.gov/statements/050227voucherplan.html
  | title = &quot;Governor's Plan Seems Unconstitutional and Unconscionable&quot;
  | work = Representative Jim Clyburn
  | publisher = [[w:United States House of Representatives|United States House of Representatives]]
  | accessdate = 2007-07-24
}}

* I don't think there's a quick fix to this. I don't think there's any simple way to deal with this. And I will not support amnesty for anybody, I mean, that would be rewarding bad behavior.
** {{cite web
  | date = [[31 May]] [[2007]]
  | url = http://www.alipac.us/modules.php?name=Forums&amp;file=viewtopic&amp;t=66087
  | title = &quot;Clyburn Won't Support Amnesty in Immigration Legislation&quot;
  | publisher = [[w:Associated Press|Associated Press]]
  | accessdate = 2007-07-24
}}

* Has he paid his dues? Is he black enough? … John Lewis and I were out there marching and organizing sit-ins back in the '60s so that his children and my children would not have to do it. … We would have been failures if [Obama] had to do the same things we did.
** Attacking critics of presidential candidate [[w:Barack Obama|Barack Obama]] who contend that Obama hasn't endured the Civil Rights-era struggles that other black politicians have
** {{cite web
  | date = [[6 July]] [[2007]]
  | url = http://blog.washingtonpost.com/capitol-briefing/2007/07/clyburn_takes_up_heavy_politic.html
  | title = &quot;Clyburn Does Heavy Political Lifting for Dems&quot;
  | publisher = [[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]
  | accessdate = 2007-07-24
}}

* Education is the great equalizer, and shouldn’t be limited to the wealthiest few.
** {{cite web
  | date = [[11 July]] [[2007]]
  | url = http://democraticwhip.house.gov/press/2007/07/11/house_approves_largest_investment_higher_education/
  | title = &quot;House Approves Largest Investment in Higher Education Since GI Bill&quot;
  | work = Representative Jim Clyburn
  | publisher = [[w:United States House of Representatives|United States House of Representatives]]
  | accessdate = 2007-07-24
}}

* If we are going to run on [[Medicare]] for All, [[defund the police]], [[w:socialized medicine|socialized medicine]], we’re not going to win
** &quot;[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/11/conor-lamb-aoc-democrats-fighting-socialism/617045/ The Democratic Truce Is Over]&quot; (November 10, 2020)

* Since President Biden took office, daily coronavirus deaths have been reduced by 90 percent. The Administration’s comprehensive pandemic response has helped us to move beyond the crisis phase of the pandemic and focus on creating jobs, increasing wages, lowering costs, and taking other steps to help families emerge even stronger. Even as we celebrate these accomplishments and work to continue our progress, many Americans unfortunately continue to suffer from a condition known as Long COVID,” Chairman Clyburn said in his opening statement. “Our nation’s scientists are working to develop methods to reliably diagnose Long COVID, and trials are underway to test new treatments. Today’s hearing provides an opportunity to learn how we can support these research initiatives, guide health care workers, inform the public about Long COVID, and provide support to affected Americans.
** [https://coronavirus.house.gov/news/press-releases/select-subcommittee-hearing-highlights-devastating-health-and-economic-impacts Select Subcommittee Report Reveals Full Scope Of Trump Admin's Embrace Of A Dangerous, Discredited Herd Immunity Via Mass Infection Strategy]

== About Jim Clyburn ==

* Rep. James Clyburn, the state's only black congressman -- controls 20 percent to 25 percent of the primary vote.
** [[w:Robert Novak|Robert D. Novak]] on the importance of the 2004 South Carolina presidential primary for candidate [[w:Dick Gephardt|Dick Gephardt]], {{cite web
  | url = http://www.townhall.com/columnists/RobertDNovak/2003/05/08/gephardts_elephant
  | title = &quot;Gerhard't Elephant&quot;
  | date = [[8 May]] [[2003]]
  | accessdate = 2007-07-24
}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyburn, Jim}}
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[[Category:Members of the United States House of Representatives]]
[[Category:1940 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Democratic Party (United States) politicians]]
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[[Category:Methodists from the United States]]</text>
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    <title>Miriam Makeba</title>
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[[File:Miriam Makeba10.JPG|thumb|right|In every community, in every nation, people are doing little and big things to help make a better world. Think of what has been accomplished to date: space exploration; satellite communications; heart transplants. Today, we have managed to do what previous generations never dreamed of. But, you see, today, around the world, 820 million people still don't have enough to eat. And it doesn't have to be this way.&lt;ref&gt;
{{cite web
 | url        = http://www.fao.org/getinvolved/ambassadors/ambassadors/ambassadors-miriammakeba/en/
 | title      = Miriam Makeba
 | publisher  = Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO)
 | accessdate = 17 November 2010
}}
&lt;/ref&gt;]]
'''[[w:Miriam Makeba|Miriam Makeba]]''' ([[4 May]] [[1932]] – [[10 November]] [[2008]]) 
was a [[w:South Africa|South African]] Grammy-awarded singer, songwriter, author, actress, former UN ambassador, and civil rights activist, also known as &quot;The Empress of African Song&quot; and '''Mama Africa'''.

== Quotes ==
* I always wanted to leave home. I never knew they were going to stop me from coming back. Maybe, if I knew, I never would have left. It is kind of painful to be away from everything that you've ever know. Nobody will know the pain of exile until you are in exile. No matter where you go, there are times when people show you kindness and love, and there are times when they make you know that you are with them but not of them. That's when it hurts.&lt;ref name=&quot;Bordowitz&quot;&gt;
{{cite book
 | last1     = Bordowitz
 | first1    = Hank
 | title     = Noise of the World: Non-western Musicians in their Own Words
 | chapter   = Miriam Makeba
 | year      = 2004
 | publisher = Soft Skull
 | location  = Brooklyn, NY
 | isbn      = 1932360603
 | oclc      = 56809540 
}}
&lt;/ref&gt;
** As quoted in {{cite book |ref=harv |last1=Bordowitz |first1=Hank |title=Noise of the World: Non-western Musicians in their Own Words |chapter=Miriam Makeba |page=247 |year=2004 |publisher=Soft Skull |location=Brooklyn, NY |isbn=1932360603 |oclc=56809540 }}

* I will probably die singing.&lt;ref name=&quot;poet2009&quot;&gt;
{{cite web
 | last       = Poet
 | first      = J.
 | url        = http://www.crawdaddy.com/index.php/2009/02/11/miriam-makeba-mama-africa-goes-home/
 | title      = Miriam Makeba: Mama Africa Goes Home
 | date       = 11 February 2009
 | work       = Feature Story
 | publisher  = Crawdaddy!
 | location   = New York
 | accessdate = 18 November 2010 
}}
&lt;/ref&gt;
** As quoted in {{cite web |last=Poet |first=J. |url=http://www.crawdaddy.com/index.php/2009/02/11/miriam-makeba-mama-africa-goes-home/ |title=Miriam Makeba: Mama Africa Goes Home |date=11 February 2009 |work=Feature Story |publisher=Crawdaddy! |location=New York }}

* When I was young, I never bought records because my brother Joseph played saxophone and had a record player. I loved listening to his records: The Dorsey Brothers, Duke Ellington, all the big American jazz bands, and vocalists like Ella Fitzgerald, Ernestine Anderson, and Kitty White, a singer from the US who was a friend of Nina Simone. Nobody in America seems to know about her, but she was quite popular in South Africa.&lt;ref name=&quot;poet2009&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Poet, J. (11 February 2009)

* My concerts were canceled left and right. Speaking about South African Apartheid was fine, but they were suddenly afraid I might speak about American Apartheid, although I never did. Bookers told me that my shows would finance radical activities and [Reprise Records] told me they were not going to honor my recording contract. I didn’t say anything, but if I was married to a troublemaker, I must be a troublemaker. I’d already lived in exile for 10 years, and the world is free, even if some of the countries in it aren’t, so I packed my bags and left.&lt;ref name=&quot;poet2009&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Poet, J. (11 February 2009)

* In those years, when I came to the States, people were always asking me why I didn’t sing anymore. I’d tell them, ‘I sing all around the world—Asia, Africa, Europe—but if you don’t sing in the US, then you haven’t really made it.’ That’s why I’ll always be grateful to Paul Simon. He allowed me to bring my music back to my friends in this country.&lt;ref name=&quot;poet2009&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Poet, J. (11 February 2009)

* I didn’t have much, but I was always happy to share what I did have. It seemed like every African that came to New York City would show up at my apartment door at dinnertime, and I couldn’t turn them away. I wasn’t much older than any of them, but they started calling me ‘Mama Africa’ and the name stuck.&lt;ref name=&quot;poet2009&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Poet, J. (11 February 2009)

=== Al-Ahram Weekly interview (2001) ===
* In New York I heard A Piece of Ground, written by a white South African, Jeremy Taylor. I modified it a little and sang it myself. That song is very special to me because it deals with the land question in southern Africa. We were dispossessed of our land.&lt;ref name=&quot;Al-Ahram Weekly&quot;&gt;
{{cite web
 | last       = Nkrumah
 | first      = Gamal
 | title      = Mama Africa
 | work       = Profile
 | date       = 1–7 November 2001
 | publisher  = Al-Ahram Weekly
 | location   = Cairo, Egypt
 | url        = http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2001/558/profile.htm
 | accessdate = 18 November 2010 
}}
&lt;/ref&gt;
** As quoted in {{cite web |last=Nkrumah |first=Gamal |title=Mama Africa |work=Profile |date=1–7 November 2001 |publisher=Al-Ahram Weekly |location=Cairo, Egypt |url=http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2001/558/profile.htm }}
** About her favourite song.

* The tragedy of civil wars in countries like Angola and Mozambique is that they left many civilians maimed. Poverty is the reason HIV/AIDS spread so rapidly in the African townships and slums. Poverty is the real killer.&lt;ref name=&quot;Al-Ahram Weekly&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Nkrumah, Gamal (1–7 November 2001)

* The man at the desk took my passport. He did not speak to me. He took a rubber stamp and slammed it down. Then he walked away. I picked up my passport. It was stamped 'Invalid'. 'They have done it,' I told myself. 'They have exiled me. I am not permitted to go home — not now, maybe not ever. My family, my home. Everything that has gone into the making of myself, gone'.&lt;ref name=&quot;Al-Ahram Weekly&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Nkrumah, Gamal (1–7 November 2001)

* I look at an ant and see myself: a native South African, endowed with a strength much greater than my size, so I might cope with the weight of racism that crushes my spirit.&lt;ref name=&quot;Al-Ahram Weekly&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Nkrumah, Gamal (1–7 November 2001)

* That was the only time my mother saw me on stage. At one point in the play I am strangled and my mother jumped from her seat and screamed: 'No. You will not get away with murder. You cannot do this to my daughter.' Friends explained to her that this was not for real — that we were acting. But she made such a fuss. Everyone was so embarrassed. On stage my heart sank.&lt;ref name=&quot;Al-Ahram Weekly&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Nkrumah, Gamal (1–7 November 2001)

=== Interview with Robin Denselow (May 2008) ===
* I still don't know why they banned me&quot; she says. &quot;I said to them, 'What did I do? I never killed anybody. I was never arrested for anything bad, so why can't I go home?.&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot;&gt;
{{cite web
 | last       = Denselow
 | first      = Robin
 | url        = http://arts.guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic/story/0,,2280144,00.html
 | title      = Robin Denselow talks to African superstar and activist Miriam Makeba
 | work       = Film &amp; Music
 | page       = 15
 | publisher  = The Guardian
 | location   = London
 | date       = 16 May 2008
 | accessdate = 18 November 2010 
}}
&lt;/ref&gt;
** As quoted in {{cite web |last=Denselow |first=Robin |url=http://arts.guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic/story/0,,2280144,00.html |title=Robin Denselow talks to African superstar and activist Miriam Makeba |work=Film &amp; Music |page=15 |publisher=The Guardian |location=London |date=16 May 2008 }}

* I'm not a political singer. I don't know what the word means. People think I consciously decided to tell the world what was happening in South Africa. No! I was singing about my life, and in South Africa we always sang about what was happening to us — especially the things that hurt us.&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Denselow, Robin (16 May 2008)

* Belafonte sent his people to pick me up and I went back and shook his hand, then went back to my little flat. I was very happy to have met a president of the United States - little me!&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Denselow, Robin (16 May 2008)

* [Belafonte]'d take me to perform for Martin Luther King's cause. But when they were marching I did not take part, because I was not a citizen&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Denselow, Robin (16 May 2008)

* [Belafonte] was a good teacher and looked after me. He said, 'You have such great talent, you must try not to be a tornado - be like a submarine. It was good advice when I found myself speaking at the UN Committee Against Apartheid and then the UN General Assembly.&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Denselow, Robin (16 May 2008)

* It was not a ban from the government. It was a cancellation by people who felt I should not be with Stokely because he was a rebel to them. I didn't care about that. He was somebody I loved, who loved me, and it was my life.&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Denselow, Robin (16 May 2008)

* [W]hen the President's visitors came to Guinea, we were all called on to go and entertain them. I've never seen a country that did what Sékou Touré did for artists. Even in South Africa today we are not nurtured like that.&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Denselow, Robin (16 May 2008)

* It's because they want to sound like Americans. I'd like to see them develop our music and sing it their way, but they think sounding American is going to take them higher, but it is not. They have beautiful voices, but they want to sound like Whitney Houston. You can't beat people like that at their own game. And they can't beat me at mine, either!&lt;ref name=&quot;Denselow&quot; /&gt;
** As quoted in Denselow, Robin (16 May 2008)

*Girls are the future mothers of the , it is important we focus on their wellbeing.
** As quoted in Nkrumah, Gamal (1–7 November 2001)

== Quotes about Makeba ==
* Her voice and her battles influenced the process of liberation and democratic rebirth in South Africa.&lt;ref name=&quot;Jacobson&quot;&gt;
{{cite web
 | title      = South African musical legend Miriam Makeba dies 
 | last       = Jacobson
 | first      = Celean
 | coauthors  = D'Emilio, Frances; Diallo, Boubacar; Conde, Maseco; Isango, Eddy
 | url        = http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2008371674_apeuobitmakeba.html
 | agency     = Associated Press
 | publisher  = The Seattle Times
 | date       = 10 November 2008
 | accessdate = 19 November 2010
}}
&lt;/ref&gt;
** Italian President Giorgio Napolitano quoted in {{cite web |title=South African musical legend Miriam Makeba dies  |last=Jacobson |first=Celean |coauthors=D'Emilio, Frances; Diallo, Boubacar; Conde, Maseco; Isango, Eddy |url=http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2008371674_apeuobitmakeba.html |agency=Associated Press |publisher=The Seattle Times |date=10 November 2008 }}
* We will miss her energy and her respectful concern for the world's most vulnerable.&lt;ref name=&quot;Jacobson&quot; /&gt;
** Jacques Diouf, director general of the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) of the United Nations quoted in Jacobson et all. (10 November 2008)

== References ==
{{Reflist}}

== External links== 
{{commons|Category:Miriam Makeba}}
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{Official website|http://www.miriammakeba.co.za/}}
* {{imdb name|0538460|Miriam Makeba}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Makeba, Miriam}}
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[[Category:South African women]]</text>
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    <title>Fanny Crosby</title>
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      <text bytes="3458" xml:space="preserve">[[Image:Fanny Crosby - Project Gutenberg eText 18444.jpg|right|thumb|Fanny Crosby]]

'''[[w:Fanny Crosby|Frances Janes Van Alstyne Crosby]]''' ([[March 24]] [[1820]] – [[February 12]] [[1915]]), usually known as '''Fanny Crosby''', was an [[w:United States|American]] lyricist most famous for her Protestant Christian [[w:Hymn|hymn]]s. A lifelong Methodist, she was one of the most prolific [[w:Hymnist|hymnists]] in history, writing over 8,000 despite being [[w:blindness|blind]] from shortly after birth.

{{writer-stub}}

== Quotes ==
*&quot;The vilest offender who truly believes,&lt;br&gt;That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.&quot;
**from &quot;To God Be The Glory&quot;, (1875)

*“Give,” said the little stream,&lt;br&gt;  “Give, oh give, give, oh give,”&lt;br&gt;As it hurried down the hill.&lt;br&gt;“I am small, I know, but wherever I go&lt;br&gt;  The fields grow greener still.”
**''”Give,” said the little Stream'', reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919).
===1860s===
*On! ye patriots to the battle. Hear Fort Moultrie's canon rattle. Then away, then away, then away to the fight! Go meet those Southern Traitors with iron will and should your courage falter boys, remember Bunker Hill. Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! The stars and stripes forever! Hurrah! Hurrah! Our Union shall not sever! As our fathers crushed oppression deal with those who breathe Secession. Then away, then away, then away to the fight. Though Beauregard and Wigfall. Their swords may whet. Just tell them Major Anderson. Has not surrendered yet. Hurrah! Hurrah! Our Union shall not sever! Is Virginia, too, seceeding? Washington's remains unheeding? Then away, then away, then away to the fight. Unfold our country's banner. In triumph there and let the rebels desecrate that banner if they dare. Hurrah! Hurrah! Our Union shall not sever! Volunteers, be up and doing. Still the good old path pursuing. Then away, then away, then away to the fight. Your sires, who fought before you have led the way. Then follow in their footsteps and be as brave as they. Hurrah! Hurrah! Our Union shall not sever! On! ye patriots to the battle. Hear Fort Moultrie's cannon rattle then away, then away, then away to the fight. The star that lights our Union shall never set! Though fierce may be the conflict we'll gain the victory yet. Hurrah! Hurrah! Our Union shall not sever!
**''[http://www.npr.org/programs/morning/features/patc/dixie/lyrics.html#union Dixie For The Union]''.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.nyise.org/fanny/ The New York Institute for Special Education page on Fanny Crosby]
*[http://www.cyberhymnal.org/bio/c/r/o/crosby_fj.htm Fanny Crosby page at Cyberhymnal]
*[http://www.believersweb.org/view.cfm?ID=83 Biography at Believers' Web]
*[http://www.wholesomewords.org/biography/bcrosby.html National Cyclopedia of Biography article at Wholesome Words]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Crosby, Fanny Jane}}
[[Category:Hymnwriters]]
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    <title>Last words in Disney animated films</title>
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      <text bytes="46034" xml:space="preserve">The [[last words]] of various characters in [[w:The Walt Disney Company|Disney]] animated films.

== Quotes ==
===Disney Animated Canon===
*Oh, I feel strange.
**Who: Snow White
**Source: ''[[Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937 film)|Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs]]'' (1937)
**Note: After eating the poison apple The Evil Queen gave to her, then she collapses to the ground unconsciously. Then she got revived later after the prince gives her a &quot;true-love's first kiss.&quot;

*I'll fix ya! I'll crush your bones!
**Who: The Evil Queen
**Source: ''[[Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937 film)|Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs]]'' (1937)
**Note: The villain says this line after being chased up to the top of a cliff by the dwarfs, before trying to push a boulder down the cliff with the intention of killing them. Before she can do this however, lightning strikes the ridge she is standing by, the cliff breaks apart, and she falls. She either dies from the fall or ends up crushed by the boulder that was intended for the dwarfs.

*AAAAAAAAH! I've been double-crossed! Help! Help! SOMEBODY HELP! I've been framed! HELP! Please, you've got to help me. Oh, be a pal, will ya? Call that beetle. Call anybody! Mama! ''[loudly] MAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAA...!!!!!''
**Who: Lampwick
**Source: ''[[Pinocchio (1940 film)|Pinocchio]]'' (1940)
**Note: Said after unknowingly being cursed, when he realizes he is turning into a donkey as the curse starts to take effect. Right after he says this, the transformation is complete and his words turn to brays, leaving him still alive, but no longer able to speak, making these his final words. A deleted scene shows Lampwick still able to talk and warns Pinocchio to get out while he still can.

*Hang on, Father!
**Who: Pinocchio
**Source: ''[[Pinocchio (1940 film)|Pinocchio]]'' (1940)
**Note: Said this before being killed by a giant wave, trying to save his father Geppetto, but is later revived as a real boy by the Blue Fairy.

*Bambi, quick, the thicket! Faster! Faster, Bambi! Don't look back! Keep running! Keep running!
**Who: Bambi's mother
**Source: ''[[Bambi]]'' (1942)
**Note: Said to her son as she realizes Man was coming for them. She is then shot and killed by one offscreen.

*He's almost here. I CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER!
**Who: Unnamed pheasant
**Source: ''[[Bambi]]'' (1942)
**Note: She says this to the other pheasants, trying to warn them a hunter was coming for them. She is then shot and killed by him offscreen while flying in panic; her lifeless body is then shown falling to the ground.

*♪ ''Oh, the li-i-i--'' ♪
**Who: Skylights
**Source: ''[[Peter Pan (1953 film)|Peter Pan]]'' (1953)
**Note: Captain Hook shoots him with his pistol.

*NO! IT CANNOT BE! Now, shall you deal with ''me'', O Prince, and all the powers of HELL!
**Who: Maleficent
**Source: ''[[Sleeping Beauty]]'' (1959)
**Note: Maleficent turns into a black dragon after saying this. She is slain after Prince Phillip throws his sword into her heart.

*You're going to Timbuktu if it's the last thing I do.
**Who: Edgar Balthazar
**Source: ''[[The Aristocats]]'' (1970)
**Note: Said after he locks Thomas O'Malley, Duchess, and her kittens in a crate to send to Timbuktu. Then, the alley cats attack, freeing the captives and locking Edgar into the crate before he is shipped to Timbuktu.

*No! You'll not have me! My power cannot die! CURSE YOU! No! NO!!!
**Who: The Horned King
**Source: ''[[The Black Cauldron (film)|The Black Cauldron]]'' (1985)
**Note: The Horned King grabbed Taran and tried to throw him into the Black Cauldron, but the Cauldron pulls the Horned King in instead and dissolves him.

*''♪ Oh, Ratigan, oh, Ratigan, you're at the top and that's that... ♪'' Oh dear. ''♪ To Ratigan, to Ratigan, to Ratigan... the world's greatest— ♪''
**Who: Bartholomew the Mouse
**Source: ''[[The Great Mouse Detective]]'' (1986)
**Note: Ratigan's henchman, Bartholomew, falls into some alcohol and emerges very drunk and calls his boss &quot;the world's greatest rat&quot;. Since Ratigan hates being called a &quot;rat&quot; and prefers the term of &quot;a big mouse,&quot; he angrily asks, &quot;What was that? What did you call me?&quot; and sentences Bartholomew to death at the hands of his pet cat, who eats him up while he's still drunkenly singing of Ratigan's glory, unaware of what is about to happen despite Ratigan telling him.

*No! Not me! Wait, I can't fly! I can't flyyyyyyy!
**Who: Fidget
**Source: ''[[The Great Mouse Detective]]'' (1986)
**Note: Professor Ratigan and his henchman Fidget, a peg-legged bat with a broken wing, are attempting to make their escape in a small pedal-powered airship with Olivia Flaversham as hostage. Fidget grows tired of pedaling and suggests lightening the load, gesturing towards Olivia. Ratigan comments, &quot;Oh, you want to lighten the load? Excellent idea!&quot; and throws Fidget out of the basket. He shouts these words as he pitifully flutters and finally falls towards the Thames river. A ''Disney Adventures'' comic reveals he survived the fall, and has reformed and becomes Olivia's sidekick.

*I've WON!
**Who: Professor Ratigan
**Source: ''[[The Great Mouse Detective]]'' (1986)
**Note: Said after knocking Basil off Big Ben, thinking he's finally killed his nemesis. Basil reveals himself to be alive after saying, &quot;On the contrary... The game's not over yet!&quot;, rings a bell, and the clock strikes midnight; the clock's loud bell knocks Ratigan off balance and he falls to his death.

*This has been very entertaining. But party is over. ''[almost snaps his fingers, but a bike horn is heard]'' ''[Fagin: Whoa! Come on, come on! Let's go!]'' FAGIN!
**Who: Sykes
**Source: ''[[Oliver &amp; Company]]'' (1988)
**Note: Fagin, previously in debt to Sykes, has rescued Jenny from being held for ransom to get money by him. An enraged Sykes pursues him to give Jenny back, Jenny, Oliver and Dodger's gang across a railway, only to eventually be killed when he collides with a train.

*This way.
**Who: Flotsam and Jetsam
**Source: ''[[The Little Mermaid]]'' (1989)
**Note: Are blasted by a ray from King Triton's trident and destroyed.

*SO MUCH FOR &quot;TRUE LOVE&quot;!
**Who: Ursula
**Source: ''[[The Little Mermaid]]'' (1989)
**Note: Ursula has been referring to the romance of Ariel and Prince Eric, which she thought she has broken up. However, she may be referring to Triton's sacrifice for Ariel and how she is going to kill Ariel anyway. She is then stabbed by the bow of a ship sailed by Eric immediately after saying this line, and consequently, Triton and all the merpeople she transformed into polyps revert back to their original forms.

*I whooped ya! I whooped ya all! You'll think twice before messin' with Percival C. McLeach! ... ''[He sees Joanna waving to him and goes uncontrollably over the falls]'' No!
**Who: Percival C. McLeach
**Source: ''[[The Rescuers Down Under]]'' (1990)
**Note: After scaring off a group of crocodiles closing in on him, McLeach goes over the waterfall, and plummets to his death.

*Let me go! Please... don't hurt me! I-I-I'll do anything! Anything!
**Who: Gaston LeGume
**Source: ''[[Beauty and the Beast (1991 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (1991)
**Note: Said this to convince the Beast to spare him after realizing that he cannot win, who soon sternly replies to him, &quot;Get out.&quot; After the Beast reunites with Belle, however, Gaston then stabs the Beast, but as a result of doing so, falls off the balcony to his death, judging by the fact that the animators added skulls to his pupils, signifying his death. Gaston was meant to survive the fall, but then gets eaten by a pack of wolves in a deleted scene.

*At least... I got to see you... one last time....
**Who: The Beast
**Source: ''[[Beauty and the Beast (1991 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (1991)
**Note: Said this to Belle while dying from his stab by Gaston and the last petal about to fall of the enchanted rose. When the last petal falls away, the Beast dies, leaving Belle mourning his death in pain and admitting her love for him. But suddenly, a magical shower falls around the Beast, rising him into the air, breaking the curse and turning him back into his true form Prince Adam, while being alive.

*''[Cave of Wonders: Who disturbs my slumber?]'' It is-- It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief. ''[Cave of Wonders: Know this. Only one may enter here, one whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.]'' ''[Jafar: What are you waiting for? Go on!]''
**Who: Gazeem
**Source: ''[[Aladdin]]'' (1992)
**Note: Said this before getting swallowed by the Cave of Wonders and fell into a lava offscreen, leaving Jafar and Iago behind.

*Scar! Brother, help me!
*Remember.
**Who: [[w:Mufasa|Mufasa]]
**Source: ''[[The Lion King]]'' (1994) and (2019)
**Note: Mufasa, who was hanging on a cliff trying to get away from a [[w:blue wildebeest|blue wildebeest]] stampede after saving his son [[w:Simba|Simba]], pleads for Scar to help him, but Scar refuses, grabbing Mufasa's paws, mockingly says, &quot;Long live the king.&quot; and then tosses him from the cliff into the stampede, straight to his death. Mufasa years later appears in the clouds as a [[w:spirit|spirit]], convincing his son to return to Pride Rock and reclaim his place as king. Next line is the last word he says; last word of the movie.

*No, let-- No, l-l-l-l-let-- Let me explain. No, you don't understand. No, I didn't mean-- No! No! I can, I-I was mai- No!
**Who: Scar
**Source: ''[[The Lion King]]'' (1994) and (2019)
**Note: Scar had previously blamed his hyena minions for Mufasa's death in an attempt to gain mercy from Simba, not knowing they had been listening. After being defeated by Simba, and thrown off into the embers below, he is surrounded and torn to shreds by his former minions.

*What's wrong? Is she all right?
**Who: Kocoum
**Source: ''[[Pocahontas]]'' (1995)
**Note: Kocoum went to find her but John Smith attacked him and Thomas shot him in the chest and starts falling into the water.

*Sanctuary! Please give us sanctuary!
**Who: Quasimodo's mother
**Source: ''[[The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)|The Hunchback of Notre Dame]]'' (1996)
**Note: Said before being murdered by Frollo on the steps of Notre Dame; previously, when baby Quasimodo was crying, she said &quot;Hush, little one.&quot;

*&quot;And [[w:God in Christianity|He]] shall smite the wicked, and ''plunge'' them into [[w:Hell|The Fiery Pit!]]&quot;
**Who: [[w:Claude Frollo|Claude Frollo]]
**Source: ''[[The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)|The Hunchback of Notre Dame]]'' (1996)
**Note: Ironically quoted the Bible seconds before he plunges to his death into a lake of molten lead, weighted down by a gargoyle, which appeared to roar in his face shortly before breaking off with him clinging to the underside.

*ME BITE OFF ''HEAD''! ''[Laughs evilly]''
**Who: Cyclops
**Source: ''[[Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]'' (1997)
**Note: When about to kill a powerless Hercules, he is blinded with burning wood by the hero, who then trips him by wrapping a rope around his ankles. He tumbles over a cliff to his death.

*You haven't got much time. You can still stop Hades.
**Who: Megara
**Source: ''[[Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]'' (1997)
**Note: In an earlier scene, Hercules had willingly agreed with the villainous Hades to give up his powers on the condition that no harm came to Megara. However, she is accidentally crushed by a pillar and mortally wounded anyway and Hercules regains his powers by lifting it away. After Hercules stops the Titans, her soul is sent to the Underworld by the Fates. Hercules then frees and resurrects Megara after defeating Hades.

*''[Zeus: Now watch your old man work!]'' Uh-oh.
**Who:  Lythos (Rock Titan)
**Source: ''[[Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]'' (1997)
**Note: Heads blown off by Zeus's thunderbolts.

*Get away from me! Don't touch me! Get your slimy souls off me! ''[Panic: He's not gonna be happy when he gets out of there!] [Pain: You mean, ''if'' he gets out of there.]'' Taxi! ''[Panic: &quot;If.&quot;]'' Taxi! ''[Panic: &quot;If&quot; is good.]'' Oh, I don't feel so good! I feel a little... ''fluuuuuuushed!''
*What do you say? It's happy ending time. Everybody's got a little taste in something, but me. I've got nothing. I'm here with nothing. Anybody listening?! It's like, what am I? An echo or something? Hello! Hello! Am I talking to what? HYPERSPACE?! HELLO! IT'S ME! Nobody listens.
**Who: Hades
**Source: ''[[Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]'' (1997)
**Note: Said to the souls that drag him down into River Styx after Hercules punches him down there. (It should be remembered though that being a God, Hades technically can't die, as he's immortal, but given that he'll spend the rest of eternity at the bottom of the Styx, these are last words). His voice, however, was still heard in the end of the film's credits.

*It looks like you're out of ideas.
**Who: Shan-Yu
**Source: ''[[Mulan]]'' (1998)
**Note: The villain says this line after chasing Mulan up to the top of the palace roof. Mulan replies, &quot;Not quite,&quot; and then takes his sword and uses it to pin his coat to the roof, leaving him unable to get out of the way of a big fireworks rocket ignited by Mushu. Shan-Yu is then launched by the fireworks supply, blowing him up.

*Go ahead, shoot me. ''[chuckles]'' Be a man.
**Who: Clayton
**Source: ''[[Tarzan (1999 film)|Tarzan]]'' (1999)
**Note: Clayton, facing Tarzan, said this when he is holding his rifle to his head. Tarzan refuses, imitates a gunshot, then replies, &quot;I'm not a man like you.&quot; in which he smashes the rifle. Then Clayton attacks in a rage with a machete. In his rage, he slices through several vines, one of which wraps around his neck and suspends him, ending in him hanging himself when the vine snaps his neck.

*Take care of them...my son. {{small|Take care of them.}}
**Who: Kerchak
**Source: ''[[Tarzan (1999 film)|Tarzan]]'' (1999)
**Note: Kerchak, being the [[w:silverback|silverback]] leader of the band of [[w:mountain gorilla|gorilla]]s, symbolically acknowledges Tarzan as his adopted son and his successor before dying from injuries inflicted by Clayton after the [[w:poacher|poacher]] shot him as he angrily roars and charges at him when he was his son Tarzan shot in the arm.

*Bruton, we've been walking in circles. There's no water here. I think we should get back.
**Who: Iguanodon scout
**Source: ''[[Dinosaur (film)|Dinosaur]]'' (2000)
**Note: While looking for water, Bruton and the scout are ambushed by two Carnotaurs, and the scout is killed.

*I'll hold them off! You help the others!
**Who: Bruton
**Source: ''[[Dinosaur (film)|Dinosaur]]'' (2000)
**Note: Bruton battles the two Carnotaurs and buries them by causing a rockslide, but dies after being crushed himself.

*Oh, no!
**Who: Kron
**Source: ''[[Dinosaur (film)|Dinosaur]]'' (2000)
**Note: Kron is cornered and killed by a Carnotaurus.

*Return the Crystal. Save Atlantis. Save my daughter.
**Who: King Kashekim Nedakh
**Source: ''[[Atlantis: The Lost Empire]]'' (2001)
**Note: Said to Milo as the character dies from internal bleeding after being punched by Rourke and confers on him the task of retrieving Kida and saving Atlantis. Nedakh was very old and frail, which is why he was mortally wounded when Rourke punched him.

*''[weakly]'' Nothing personal.
**Who: Helga Sinclair
**Source: ''[[Atlantis: The Lost Empire]]'' (2001)
**Note: Helga, having been thrown from a hot-air balloon by Rourke, who uttered the same words while doing so, fires a gun at the balloon as she lies on the ground, causing it to descend. Although her death is never confirmed onscreen, the place is flooded by lava a little later, so it is highly likely that she died.

*Tired, Mr. Thatch? Hyah! Ah, that's a ''darn shame''... 'Cause I'm JUST GETTING ''WARMED UP!''
**Who: Lyle Tiberius Rourke
**Source: ''[[Atlantis: The Lost Empire]]'' (2001)
**Note: Rourke, facing Milo Thatch aboard a hot-air balloon, is about to strike but is cut by a shard of glass from Kida's container, crystallizing his body. He is still alive after the crystallization, however, but is killed soon after when his body is chopped up by the balloon's propeller.

*He'll be comin' soon. Can't let them find this! ''[Jim Hawkins: Who's coming?]'' The cyborg! Beware... the cyborg!
**Who: Billy Bones
**Source: ''[[Treasure Planet]]'' (2002)
**Note: Spoken to Jim about Long John Silver, after being mortally wounded when his spaceship crashed.

*Aye, Captain. You heard her, men! Unfurl those sails!
**Who: Mr. Arrow
**Source: ''[[Treasure Planet]]'' (2002)
**Note: Mr. Arrow says this line while on board a space ship, but is killed when he is sucked overboard into a black hole when Scroop cuts his lifeline.

*Oh, yes. Do say hello to Mr. Arrow.
**Who: Scroop
**Source: ''[[Treasure Planet]]'' (2002)
**Note: Scroop killed Mr. Arrow earlier by cutting his lifeline and sending him down a black hole. At that moment, he is about to kill Jim Hawkins in a similar fashion, but he manages to escape after saying, &quot;Tell him yourself!&quot;, and push Scroop aside. He ends up stuck in the ship's flag, and floats out into space with a scream, never to be seen again.

*What?
**Who: Sitka
**Source: ''[[Brother Bear]]'' (2003)
**Note: Said before he was killed by Koda's mother.

*Koda?
**Who: Koda's mother
**Source: ''[[Brother Bear]]'' (2003)
**Note: Said before she got killed by Kenai.

*No. You gotta go on without me, Commander. Just save me some ammo, a little water, some chips if you have them.
**Who: Sci-fi version of Runt of the Litter
**Source: ''[[Chicken Little (2005 film)|Chicken Little]]'' (2005)
**Note: A character in a over-the-top sci-fi version of Chicken Little's encounter with the aliens. Apparently shot down by an alien ship, and says this over a ship intercom before dying.

*Top of The Food Chain, Ma! Top of the Food Cha… Uh-oh.
**Who: Kazar
**Source: ''[[The Wild (film)|The Wild]]'' (2006)
**Note: Kazar attempts to kill Samson and Ryan and, after an intense battle, Blag and the rest of the wildebeests refuse to serve Kazar any further. Samson gains the courage he needs and roars powerfully enough to push back a charging Kazar. The animals, along with the wildebeests flee except Kazar, who is trapped in the erupting volcano, in which he gets crushed to death by a falling rock.

*No, no, please, no! Just a little more time! I promise I'll pay y'all back! I PROMISE!
**Who: Dr. Facilier
**Source: ''[[The Princess and the Frog]]'' (2009)
**Note: Spoken when Dr. Facilier tries to plead with the Shadows when Tiana breaks his voodoo talisman. Having lost the leverage he needed to collect souls for them, he is unable to pay back his debt to them, and as punishment, they drag him to the &quot;Other Side&quot;.

*''[Louis: Tiana! Naveen!] [Naveen: Louis, what is it?] [Louis: Shadow Man done laid poor Ray low.] [Tiana: Ray?] [Louis: He's hurting awful bad.]'' Hey, there. How come... you're... still... ''[Tiana: We're stayin' frogs, Ray.] [Naveen: And we're staying together.]'' Oh... I like that very much. Evangeline... likes that too.
**Who: Ray
**Source: ''[[The Princess and the Frog]]'' (2009)
**Note: Spoken before his light dimmed off. He soon dies when his family of fireflies bid him a farewell. In an early scene, he had been squashed by Dr. Facilier.

*No! What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
**Who: Mother Gothel
**Source: ''[[Tangled]]'' (2010)
**Note: After Flynn Rider cuts Rapunzel's hair, its magical effects wear off and Mother Gothel's true age catches up with her. As she panics, she gets tripped over Rapunzel's hair by Pascal the chameleon and falls out of the tower to her death, aging into dust before she hits the ground.

*Rapunzel. ''[Rapunzel: What?]'' You were my new dream. ''[Rapunzel: (chuckles tearfully) And you were mine.]''
**Who: Flynn Rider
**Source: ''[[Tangled]]'' (2010)
**Note: Says this to Rapunzel after Mother Gothel stabs him as he was about to save her. She and Rapunzel make a deal if Mother' let her heal him, she'd stay with her forever. But, unfortunately he cuts off Rapunzel's hair to reveal Gothel's true identity. As a result, she fell off her tower and died. After he dies, her tears of love heals him and helps her escape.

*You FOOLS! Why are you going into the ligh—? Oh... Oooh... No! Yes... Go into the LIGHT!
**Who: King Candy / Turbo
**Source: ''[[Wreck-It Ralph]]'' (2012)
**Note: As Turbo had been transfigured into a partially Cy-Bug based form, the Cy-Bug side of him was attracted towards a Mentos-Diet Cola eruption started to destroy the other Cy-Bugs. As his Turbo side tries to resist the pull towards the eruption, he is ultimately dragged into it and vaporized; because video game characters who die outside their own games never regenerate, he is gone for good.

*You'll be fine, Elsa.
**Who: Agnarr
**Source: ''[[Frozen (2013 film)|Frozen]]'' (2013)
**Note: Said this to Elsa before departing off to sea for about two weeks. He, along with his wife Queen Iduna were killed by due to their ship being capsized by a tidal wave during a storm at sea.

*NOOO!!!
**Who: Anna
**Source: ''[[Frozen (2013 film)|Frozen]]'' (2013)
**Note: Says this as she uses her final ounce of strength to block Elsa from Hans' attack, becoming frozen to ice in the process. She is eventually revived because her actions constitute an &quot;act of true love&quot;.

*Callaghan's in there! Someone has to help!
**Who: Tadashi Hamada
**Source: ''[[Big Hero 6 (film)|Big Hero 6]]'' (2014)
**Note: Says this to Hiro before he tries to save Professor Callaghan from a fire at the Expo hall. He was killed in the ensuing explosion from the fire.

*Hiro, I will always be with you.
**Who: Baymax
**Source: ''[[Big Hero 6 (film)|Big Hero 6]]'' (2014)
**Note: Says this to Hiro after he got smashed by one of the building parts. After that accident, he is forced to sacrifice his life by telling Hiro to say that he is satisfied with his care. Hiro was worried about losing Baymax like he did with Tadashi after the explosion. However in the series, he rebuilds Baymax without his friends knowing. 

*Go...
**Who: Gramma Tala
**Source: ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'' (2016)

*The waves are too high! Take cover! IDUNA!!!/AGNARR!!!
**Who: Queen Iduna and King Agnarr
**Source: ''Frozen 2'' (2019)
**Note: Shown through an ice sculpture memory created by Elsa that they were submerged along with their ship.

*Anna...!
**Who: Elsa
**Source: ''Frozen 2'' (2019)
**Note: Freezes to ice upon venturing into the deepest part of Ahtohallan and learning the dark truth of King Runeard. She is later revived once the dam is destroyed.

*I like warm hugs.
**Who: Olaf
**Source: ''Frozen 2'' (2019)
**Note: Olaf disintegrates in Anna's arms after Elsa turns frozen. He is later revived by Elsa once the curse upon the forest is lifted.

*I trust you, Namaari.
**Who: Sisu
**Source: ''Raya and the Last Dragon'' (2021)
**Note: Sisu glows as she wanted to trust Namaari, but Raya avoids the attack and Namaari fires at Sisu accidentally. Then Sisu drowns in water afterwards. She is later revived by the Dragon Gem power after the Druun are defeated.

===Pixar===
*'''Well, what's this? Another one of your little bird tricks?''' ['''Flik:''' Yep.] '''Are there a bunch of little girls in this one, too? Hello, girls!'''
**Who: Hopper
**Source: ''[[A Bug's Life]]'' (1998)
**Note: He corners Flik near a bird's nest and strangles him. A bird pops out from the nest and Hopper thinks the bird is one of Flik's tricks, but he soon realizes she is real. Hopper screams and tries to escape, but the bird blocks his path as she snatches him in her beak in one swift move and takes him to her nest where he is eaten by her newborn chicks, thus ending his reign of terror on the ant colony.

*['''Evil Emperor Zurg:''' So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear. For the last time.] '''Not today, Zurg!'''
**Who: Utility Belt Buzz Lightyear
**Source: ''[[Toy Story 2]]'' (1999)
**Note: Said this before getting his top half vaporized by his archenemy the Evil Emperor Zurg. But it's revealed to be a video game that Rex has been playing as the words &quot;GAME OVER&quot; appear on the screen.

*'''Marlin! Stop it!''' ''[laughs]'' ['''Marlin:''' Well, you got a little closer, 'cause it's wiggling.] '''Get away, get away!''' ['''Marlin:''' Here he is! Cutie's here! ''[notices other fish disappear]'' Where'd everybody go? ''[sees barracuda and gasps in horror]'' Coral. Get inside the house, Coral. ''[Coral looks at the eggs]'' No. No, Coral, don't. They'll be fine. Just get inside. You, right now. ''[Coral hesitates, and darts for the fish eggs. Barracuda notices, and darts toward them]'' ''[alarmed]'' '''''NO!''''']
**Who: Coral
**Source: ''[[Finding Nemo]]'' (2003)
**Note: Said to her husband Marlin, who is playfully trying to kiss her. Shortly afterwards, Coral, along with all but one of the eggs, is eaten by a barracuda after trying to protect them.

*'''Abort, abort, abort!'''
**Who: Snug
**Source: ''[[The Incredibles]]'' (2004)
**Note: Line is spoken before the missiles ordered by Syndrome hit the jet on the way to the island, causing the plane to explode. Elastigirl notices the pilot's hat underwater. From an official deleted scene.

*'''This isn't the end of it! I will get your son eventually! I'll get your son!''' ''[laughs evilly, but gasps after seeing Bob hurling his car into the jet]'' '''Oh, no.'''
**Who: Buddy Pine / Syndrome
**Source: ''[[The Incredibles]]'' (2004)
**Note: Line is spoken before the villain's cape gets caught in one of his plane's turbines. Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible throws his car at Syndrome, making him fall and get sucked into the turbine by his cape and the plane explodes.

*'''Any last words, Fredricksen? Come on, spit it out.''' ['''Carl:''' Come on!] '''ENOUGH! I'm taking that bird back with me, ALIVE... OR DEAD!!'''
**Who: Charles Muntz
**Source: ''[[Up]]'' (2009)
**Note: Carl walks backwards with Kevin from Muntz who destroys his prized possessions with a sword. Charles pursues Carl up to the top of the floating house they are standing on only to fall off the house to his death.

*'''NO!'''
**Who: Rod &quot;Torque&quot; Redline
**Source: ''[[Cars 2]]'' (2011)
**Note: In the secret lair, Rod is tied down and fueled with &quot;Allinol&quot;, and Professor Zündapp demonstrates what happens when cars are fueled with Allinol are exposed to an electro-magnetic pulse. As a result, Rod dies from spontaneous combustion after saying this line.

*'''Ya-ha-ha! You made it! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Go! Go save Riley! Ha-ha-ha! Take her to the moon for me. Okay?'''
**Who: Bing Bong
**Source: ''[[Inside Out (2015 film)|Inside Out]]'' (2015)
**Note: After Bing Bong sacrifices himself to help Joy blast out of the memory dump with his rocket, he says this to Joy before he fades away from Riley's memory.

*'''RUN, ARLO!'''
**Who: Poppa Henry
**Source: ''[[The Good Dinosaur]]'' (2015)
**Note: He is killed by the rushing rapids after saying this to his son to get him to escape from a flash flood.

*'''Brings back memories. ''Gracias.'''''
**Who: Chicharrón
**Source: ''[[Coco (2017 film)|Coco]]'' (2017)
**Note: After being serenaded by Hector, he fades away into oblivion, being forgotten forever.

*'''Hate me if you want, but my mind is made up.'''
*'''Go home.'''
**Who: Hector
**Source: ''[[Coco (2017 film)|Coco]]'' (2017)
**Note 1: A flashback of how Hector died. 
**Note 2: Is about to be forgotten forever.

*'''Nice kitty. Put me down! No, please! I'm begging you! Stop, stop!'''
**Who: Ernesto de la Cruz
**Source: ''[[Coco (2017 film)|Coco]]'' (2017)
**Note: Ernesto flew away from Pepita and is crushed with death by a giant bell.

*'''When I was a little girl, my Papa would sing such beautiful songs.'''
**Who: Coco Rivera
**Source: ''[[Coco (2017 film)|Coco]]'' (2017)
**Note: One year later, she arrived at the Land of the Remembered.

*['''Mei:''' All I wanted... was to go to a '''''CONCERT!'''''] '''I never went to concerts! I put my family first! I tried to be a good daughter!'''
**Who: Ming Lee
**Source: ''[[Turning Red]]'' (2022)
**Note: Ming gets knocked out unconscious by her daughter at SkyDome. Then revived by the family ritual with help of Mei's friends and 4*Town and had her panda spirit released.

*'''Goodbye, Buzz. I'm sorry I won't be there to see you finish the mission. To infinity...''' ['''Buzz:''' ...and beyond.]
**Who: Alisha Hawthorne
**Source: ''[[Lightyear (film)|Lightyear]]'' (2022)
**Note: Alisha sent her final message to Buzz before she dies of old age.

=== 20th Century Animation ===
*''[Anastasia: This is for Dimitri.]'' Give it back! ''[Anastasia: This is for my family!]'' I'll tear you to pieces! ''[Anastasia: And this... this is for you!]'' NO! ''[Anastasia: Do svidanya!]''
**Who: Rasputin
**Source: ''[[Anastasia (1997 film)|Anastasia]]'' (1997)
**Note: She crushes his evil magic life with her foot and causes the green ghoul magic to kill him, turns into skeleton and then into dust.

*What are you doing?! ''[Diego: Leave the mammoth alone.]'' Fine. I'll take you down first.
**Who: Soto
**Source: ''[[Ice Age (2002 film)|Ice Age]]'' (2002)
**Note: He was facing Manny but Diego gets in his way to fight him. But he knocked Diego out, and when he was going for the baby, Manny throws him at a wall and icicles falls on him and kills him.

*What are you doing?! Get off of me! Ow! Ahh! Let me go, do as I say! Get off!
**Who: Madame Gasket
**Source: ''[[Robots (2005 film)|Robots]]'' (2005)
**Note: As they are swinging away from and toward the furnace, Ratchet clings to his mother, who tells him to get off. Ratchet gets off by hanging on to a wire he released while Gasket goes straight towards the furnace, where she meets her destruction.

*''[Ratchet's dad: It's alright, son. You can shine no matter what you're...]'' Oh, just stop!
**Who: Phineas T. Ratchet
**Source: ''[[Robots (2005 film)|Robots]]'' (2005)
**Note: He ended up hanging with his father, after he lost his upgrades.

*Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
**Who: [[w:Mike Dirnt|Mike Dirnt]]
**Source: ''[[The Simpsons Movie]]'' (2007)
**Notes: The real-life member of [[w:Green Day|Green Day]] says this after the barge that he and the other band members were playing on is dissolved by the sludge in Lake Springfield, sending all of them to their deaths. They then take out violins, and play ''[[w:Nearer My God to Thee|Nearer My God to Thee]]'' on them in place of their normal instruments. Both the line and the incident itself are parodies of the band that played on the [[w:RMS Titanic|RMS ''Titanic'']] as it sank.

*Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I'm trapped, if I leave, I'm alone! Oh God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-
**Who: Unnamed Man
**Source: ''[[The Simpsons Movie]]'' (2007)
**Note: As Springfield is getting encased in a giant glass dome, one man contemplates in a worried rush of whether or not he should leave the dome. As he says this, the giant dome crushes him.

*Bye, everybody!
**Who: Dr. Nick Rivera
**Source: ''[[The Simpsons Movie]]'' (2007)
**Notes: After the dome is destroyed, Chief Wiggum mentions that nobody was hurt in the ordeal. He then looks around to see Dr. Nick crushed under a giant chunk of plastic. His last words are a take-off on his usual catchphrase (&quot;Hi, everybody!&quot;).
	 
*Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
**Who: Russ Cargill
**Source: ''[[The Simpsons Movie]]'' (2007)
**Notes: Said as he prepares to shoot Homer with a shotgun. Before he can fire, Maggie drops a rock on him. May not have died, but was not seen or referenced for the rest of the movie.

*Like... melted gold...
**Who: Rat
**Source: ''[[Fantastic Mr. Fox (film)|Fantastic Mr. Fox]]'' (2009)
**Note: Before he could kill Ash, Mr. Fox arrived and fought him, and Rat was killed by getting electrocuted by an electric fence. As he lay dying, he told where the three farmers' hideout is, then he died.

*Oh, pity. Now we have two useless flightless birds.
**Who: Nigel
**Source: ''[[Rio (2011 film)|Rio]]'' (2011)
**Note: Blu attaches the cord with the fire extinguisher, telling him not cool. Then lets him flying through the cockpit, then get hit by one of motor engine of the plane. Later in post-credits scene, he was all pink but snapshotted by Mauro.

*''[&quot;Female ape&quot;/Ape siren: Oh, Captain Gutt..]'' That's me.... ''[&quot;Female ape&quot;/Ape siren: Let's rule the seas together...]'' Aye, aye.... Huh?
**Who: Captain Gutt
**Source: ''[[Ice Age: Continental Drift]]'' (2012)
**Note: After being defeated by Manny in a duel at a sliding iceberg and sent flying rather far away out of sight, Gutt a piece of ice to float on the water with, but notices fins sticking out of the water close to them where he encounters a seductive female of his species. Unfortunately, the female is a siren and it pulls Gutt into the shell. All that can be heard are crunching sounds and Gutt's screams of pain as he is eaten alive.

*No! Stop! Brother, rise above this base desire. Be more than a rodent.
**Who: Ariscratle
**Source: ''[[Ice Age: Continental Drift]]'' (2012)
**Note: Before Scrat could pull out the giant acorn, Ariscratle called out for Scrat to stop before he could pull the acorn out, reminding the squirrel to rise above his animalistic desires and to be more than a mere rodent. Scrat, however, pulled the acorn out anyway, flooding all of Scratlantis and taking all the squirrels, Ariscratle among them, down the plughole.

*What's that little saying you people have? &quot;Lots of leaves, something, something...&quot; Very inspiring. But in the end, every leaf falls and ''dies'' alone.
**Who: Mandrake
**Source: ''[[Epic (film)|Epic]]'' (2013)
**Note: He gets beaten by Ronin and Nod when they work together, using their swords to push him out of the queen's castle. The gust of wind pushes him to a piece of sap or tar, imprisoning him. His magical staff was with him when he was covered with the tar, so it is unclear if he will escape or not. It is assumed that he would never escape, as his fate was presumably sealed to death.

*Lollipop?
**Who: Big Boss
**Source: ''[[Rio 2]]'' (2014)
**Notes: After being knocked down by Nigel, he finds himself face to face with a giant boa. Later, the boa, now with a full belly the size of a human (revealing that he was eaten alive), spits out the lollipop.

*''[Gabi: Oh, Nigel! Nigel!]'' No, no! Somebody help me! ''[Gabi: I'm never gonna let you go!]'' I'm sorry, I'll be nice. No, no! Charlie! CHARLIE!! AHH! THIS IS UNNATURAL!
**Who: Nigel
**Source: ''[[Rio 2]]'' (2014)
**Note: He gets dragged away by Gabi after they played dead. Then later gets brought back to Rio.

*Oh, Nigel. Wow. A honeymoon in Rio! Yay!
**Who: Gabi
**Source: ''[[Rio 2]]'' (2014)
**Note: She gets excited about going to Rio With Nigel.

*Okay, it's time. ''[Young Ferdinand: You're gonna come back, right?]'' What? That matador doesn't stand a chance, okay? ''[Young Ferdinand: Okay.]'' And after I win, I'm coming back here, and I'm gonna show you all my moves. Even my secret ones.
**Who: Raf
**Source: ''[[Ferdinand (film)|Ferdinand]]'' (2017)
**Note: He promises his son to return and show him all his secret moves. He bids farewell to Ferdinand and boards the truck to the Plaza. Unfortunately, Raf loses the fight and is killed. Later, his horns and photograph are framed up on the wall in Moreno's house along with the rest of the previous bulls who thought they had a chance in the ring, a fact Ferdinand would eventually discover when he was all grown-up after that.

=== Hyperion Animation ===
*Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits. ''[Lampy: (angrily) &quot;Dim&quot;?!]'' ''[Toaster: Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.]'' ''[Kirby: 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!]'' ''[blows cold air; angrily]'' So... it's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's goin' on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you can move around, you think you're better than I am! I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL!! I ''LIKE'' BEING ''STUCK IN THIS STUPID WALL!'' I can't help it if the kid was ''TOO SHORT TO REACH MY DIALS!!!'' ''[Toaster: We didn't mean it, really!]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!!!!''''' ''[Toaster: Don't! Wait! Wait!]'' ''[Kirby: (alarmed) '''HE'S GONNA BLOW!''']'' ''[Toaster: '''YANK YOUR CORDS!!!''']'' ''[Kirby: '''THE FUSE!''']''
**Who: Air Conditioner
**Source: ''[[The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Brave Little Toaster]]'' (1987)
**Note: After being insulted by Kirby, character gets angry and overheats before blowing himself up. After the appliances lament character's loss, Kirby says, &quot;Well, he was a jerk anyway.&quot; (Later on in the film, after finding the cabin in a mess, the Master, Rob, fixes the air conditioner and restores him to life).

=== Other (DTV sequels etc.) ===
*''[Mickey: Wait, you're not gonna...]'' Put your brain in his body? ''[imitates buzzer]'' That's right! ''[laughs diabolically]''
**Who: Dr. Frankenollie
**Source: ''[[w:Mickey Mouse in Runaway Brain|Mickey Mouse in Runaway Brain]]'' (1995)
**Note: During his plan to switch Mickey's brain with that of the Frankenstein's monster-esque Julius, Frankenollie says these words before his experiment, though successful, causes an explosion which vaporizes and kills him.

*Now, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! My bugs! My bugs! My bugs, my bugs, my bu—!!
**Who: Oogie Boogie
**Source: ''[[The Nightmare Before Christmas]]'' (1993)
**Note: After Jack Skellington pulls on a loose string, unraveling him, a mass majority of his bugs fall into a lava pit, and the surviving bug is crushed by Santa.

*Is this happy enough for you, Master? I know I'm downright giddy! ''[Fife: Master! The keyboard!]'' Huh...what?!! WHAT??? NOOOOO!!!!!!
**Who: Forte
**Source: ''[[w:Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas|Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas]]'' (1997)
**Note: Forte attempted to destroy the castle and kill everyone in it to prevent the spell from breaking, so he can stay in his form as a pipe organ, and thus live forever. Fortunately, Beast stops him and destroys his keyboard. Enraged, Forte causes himself to crash down to the ground, silencing him forever as he falls.

*You go. There's one more thing I've got to do. It's my only chance.
**Who: Spot
**Source: ''[[Teacher's Pet (2004 film)]]''
**Note: The human Spot says this as he stands in front of a laser beam, hoping it will turn him back into a dog. The machine seemingly kills him. In grief, Leonard kicks the machine and it resumes turning Spot back into a dog.

*You don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick, do ya? What wall? Oh, that wall.
**Who: Tybalt
**Source: ''[[Gnomeo &amp; Juliet]]'' (2011)
**Note: Said before he is killed when he crashes into the wall he was referring to, although being a living gnome, he is later repaired and subsequently resurrected.

*I'm sorry, Mother.... I tried....
**Who: Nuka
**Source: ''[[The Lion King II: Simba's Pride]]'' (1998)
**Note: Nuka said this after chasing Simba, who goes up a pile of logs to escape from Zira and the other Outsiders. Simba escapes, but the logs come falling down on him, causing his death. The line is originally going to include, &quot;Well, I finally got your attention, didn't I? Didn't I...&quot;, and him squeezing out from under the logs.

*Where are you going? Get back here! ''[Simba: Let it go, Zira. It's time to put the past behind us.]'' I'll never let it go! This is for you, Scar!
**Who: Zira
**Source: ''[[The Lion King II: Simba's Pride]]'' (1998)
**Note: Zira was about to attack Simba, when Kiara (Simba's daughter) suddenly knocks her aside. They both fall down a steep cliff towards rapids of a gorge with a rushing river full of logs. Although Kiara tries to save her, Zira falls to her death as she screams while considering the offer. The original concept was to have Zira about to whisper with reply, &quot;No. ...Never!&quot;, and deliberately lets go of the cliff.

*My lamp!!! NOOOOOO!!!
**Who: Jafar
**Source: ''[[The Return of Jafar]]'' (1994)
**Note: After villain Jafar blasts Iago with a powerful attack; in a last ditch effort, Iago pushes Jafar's lamp into a pit of lava. The lamp melts as Jafar screams in rage and agony, before finally exploding, killing Jafar.

*Hmm? What are you staring at?! No, no, no, no, no! ''[turns into a gold statue]''
** Who: Sa'luk
**Source: ''[[Aladdin and the King of Thieves]]'' (1996)
**Note: When he threatens to kill Aladdin, Cassim (Aladdin's father) throws the Hand of Midas to him. He catches it by the golden section instead of the bronze handle. Consequently, the hand turns him into a gold statue, which falls off the edge and into the water.

*Unless Acme's will shows by midnight tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free--
**Who: R.K. Maroon
**Source: ''[[Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''  (1988)
**Note: R.K. Maroon was attempting to explain the reason why Marvin Acme was killed. Judge Doom, who had murdered Acme, shot him before the crime could be revealed.

*&quot;Nose&quot;? ''That'' don't rhyme with &quot;Walls.&quot; ''[Eddie Valiant: No, but this does!]''
**Who: Smarty
**Source: ''[[Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''  (1988)
**Note: When Eddie and Roger start singing a humorous song to kill the villainous Weasels, knowing it's possible for them to laugh themselves to death, Smarty says the above line when he notices an error in their song. Eddie then replies, &quot;No, but ''this'' does!&quot;, sending Smarty flying with a kick to the groin, and he lands in a toxic chemical known as &quot;The Dip&quot;.

*Bye-bye! Hee-hee-hee-hee!
**Who: Psycho
**Source: ''[[Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]'' (1988)
**Note: One of the villainous Weasels who starts laughing uncontrollably when Eddie and Roger sing a humorous song, he accidentally falls into a toxic chemical known as &quot;The Dip&quot;.

*I'M MELTING! MELTING! WAUGH-WAUGH-WAAAH! Oh, no...
**Who: Judge Doom
**Source: ''[[Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]'' (1988)
**Note: After revealing to Eddie that he is a toon, the villainous Doom tries to kill him, but Eddie unleashes a giant torrent of Dip at Doom, causing him to scream this line as he melts in a giant pool of the thinner until he was nothing more than a puddle of melted, yellow and red paint.

*My eyes! I can't see! No! No!
**Who: Colonel Muska
**Source: ''[[w:Castle in the Sky|Castle in the Sky]]'' (1986) (anime dubbed of Disney in 2003)
**Note: Colonel Muska is defeated by Sheeta and Pazu, becomes blinded, and falls to his death.

*MY TALISMAN!!!
**Who: Merlock
**Source: ''[[w:DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp|DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp]]'' (1990)
**Note: Merlock, transfigured into a griffin-like form, was defeated by Scrooge McDuck after having his talisman removed - this restored him to his normal form in the sky, causing him to fall to his death from the clouds.

*Stitch sorry.
**Who: Stitch
**Source: ''[[w:Lilo &amp; Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch|Lilo &amp; Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'' (2005)
**Note: Says this before he shuts down and then Lilo heart-brokenly whispers &quot;Stitch?&quot;. Later, Jumba, Pleakley, David, and Nani find Stitch dead. Lilo alarms Jumba and says &quot;Jumba! Jumba it's not working!&quot; Then Jumba says &quot;We're too late.&quot; Causing everyone to weep. But he gets revived.

*Our song.
**Who: Athena
**Source: ''[[w:The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning|The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning]]'' (2008)
**Note: A pirate ship starts stealing treasures from the merfolk of Atlantica, but when Athena tries to save the music box Triton gave her, she gets stuck in the rocks and the ship crashes into her, killing her. Heartbroken, Triton bans all music from Atlantica and forbids the merfolk for going to the surface because of what the pirates did.

*Windlifter, I can do it. ''[Windlifter: Go. And be safe.]''
**Who: Dusty Crophopper
**Source: ''[[Planes: Fire and Rescue]]'' (2014)
**Note: Ignores the warning about his failing gearbox to save Harvey and Winnie at Augerin Canyon. He later fatally breaks down as a result, but was restored back to full health by Maru.

*Did you think I would let you grow old? Either I'll devour you, or the Red Flower will! It's just a matter of time. How long did you ''really'' think you'd survive against me? Longer than your father did? Longer than... ''Akela''?!
**Who: Shere Khan
**Source: ''[[The Jungle Book (2016 film)|The Jungle Book]]'' (2016)
**Note: During their battle, Mowgli lures Shere Khan up a dead tree, defeating him by causing him to fall into the fire to his death.

*Scar! Help me.
*Remember.
**Who: Mufasa
**Source: ''[[The Lion King (2019 film)|The Lion King]]'' (2019)
**Note: Mufasa, who was hanging on a cliff trying to get away from a blue wildebeest stampede after saving his son Simba, pleads for Scar to help him, but Scar refuses, grabbing Mufasa's paws, mockingly says, &quot;Long live the king.&quot; and then tosses him from the cliff into the stampede, straight to his death. Mufasa years later appears in the clouds as a spirit, convincing his son to return to Pride Rock and reclaim his place as king. Next line is the last word he says; last word of the movie.

*My friends… it will take some time, but together, we will build our army! ''[Kamari: &quot;Friends,&quot; huh? I thought you said we were &quot;revolting scavengers.&quot;]'' ''[Azizi: Yeah! That you wanted to &quot;kill us&quot;!]'' No! No, let me explain! I was trying to fool him! We will rule together! ''[Shenzi: There's only one true thing you ever said, Scar: &quot;A hyena's belly is never full.&quot;]'' NO-O-O-O-O!
**Who: Scar 
**Source: ''[[The Lion King (2019 film)|The Lion King]]'' (2019)
**Note: Scar had previously blamed his hyena minions for Mufasa's death in an attempt to gain mercy from Simba, not knowing they had been listening. After being defeated by Simba, and thrown off into the embers below, he is surrounded and torn to shreds by his former minions.

==See also==
*[[Fictional last words in films]]
*[[Fictional last words]]
*[[Fictional last words in animated films]]
*[[Last words]]

[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films|*Disney animated films]]
[[Category:Fictional last words|Disney animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>dungz8fydc3lwdhv3sq5agp0mcwgdg4</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Code Geass</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>86028</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3145969</id>
      <parentid>3144017</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T15:04:48Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>75.165.226.124</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* At Least with Sorrow */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="172647" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Code Geass|Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion]]''''' (2006-2007) and its sequel, '''''[[w:Code Geass|Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2]]''''' (2008), are anime television series. Both series were directed by [[w:Gorō Taniguchi|Gorō Taniguchi]] and written by Ichirō Ōkuchi. Both series have finished their broadcast run in Japan and have completely aired in the United States; in the United States, the second season immediately followed the first.

{{tv-cleanup}}

__NOTOC__
{| align=&quot;center&quot; class=&quot;wikitable&quot; cellspacing=&quot;0&quot;
! width=&quot;50%&quot; | [[#Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion| Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion]]
! width=&quot;50%&quot; | [[#Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2| Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.01--&gt; | [[#The Day a New Demon was Born | The Day a New Demon was Born]]
| &lt;!--2.01--&gt; | [[#The Day a Demon Awakens | The Day a Demon Awakens]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.02--&gt; | [[#The Awakened White Knight | The Awakened White Knight]]
| &lt;!--2.02--&gt; | [[#Plan For Independent Japan | Plan For Independent Japan]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.03--&gt; | [[#The False Classmate | The False Classmate]]
| &lt;!--2.03--&gt; | [[#Imprisoned in Campus | Imprisoned in Campus]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.04--&gt; | [[#His Name is Zero | His Name is Zero]]
| &lt;!--2.04--&gt; | [[#Counterattack at the Gallows | Counterattack at the Gallows]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.05--&gt; | [[#The Princess and the Witch | The Princess and the Witch]]
| &lt;!--2.05--&gt; | [[#Knights of the Round | Knights of the Round]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.06--&gt; | [[#The Stolen Mask | The Stolen Mask]]
| &lt;!--2.06--&gt; | [[#Surprise Attack Over the Pacific | Surprise Attack Over the Pacific]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.07--&gt; | [[#Attack Cornelia | Attack Cornelia]]
| &lt;!--2.07--&gt; | [[#The Abandoned Mask | The Abandoned Mask]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.08--&gt; | [[#The Black Knights | The Black Knights]]
| &lt;!--2.08--&gt; | [[#One Million Miracles | One Million Miracles]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.09--&gt; | [[#Refrain | Refrain]]
| &lt;!--2.09--&gt; | [[#A Bride in the Vermillion Forbidden City | A Bride in the Vermillion Forbidden City]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.10--&gt; | [[#Guren Dances | ''Guren'' Dances]]
| &lt;!--2.10--&gt; | [[#When the Shen Hu Wins Glory| When the ''Shen Hu'' Wins Glory]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.11--&gt; | [[#Battle for Narita | Battle for Narita]]
| &lt;!--2.11--&gt; | [[#Power of Passion | Power of Passion]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.12--&gt; | [[#The Messenger from Kyoto | The Messenger from Kyoto]]
| &lt;!--2.12--&gt; | [[#Love Attack! | Love Attack!]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.13--&gt; | [[#Shirley at Gunpoint | Shirley at Gunpoint]]
| &lt;!--2.13--&gt; | [[#The Assassin from the Past | The Assassin from the Past]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.14--&gt; | [[#Geass vs. Geass | Geass vs. Geass]]
| &lt;!--2.14--&gt; | [[#Geass Hunt | Geass Hunt]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.15--&gt; | [[#Cheering Mao | Cheering Mao]]
| &lt;!--2.15--&gt; | [[#C's World | C's World]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.16--&gt; | [[#Nunnally Held Hostage | Nunnally Held Hostage]]
| &lt;!--2.16--&gt; | [[#United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One | United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.17--&gt; | [[#Knight | Knight]]
| &lt;!--2.17--&gt; | [[#The Taste of Humiliation | The Taste of Humiliation]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.18--&gt; | [[#I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi | I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi]]
| &lt;!--2.18--&gt; | [[#The Second Final Battle of Tokyo | The Second Final Battle of Tokyo]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.19--&gt; | [[#Island of the Gods | Island of the Gods]]
| &lt;!--2.19--&gt; | [[#Betrayal | Betrayal]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.20--&gt; | [[#War at Kyushu | War at Kyushu]]
| &lt;!--2.20--&gt; | [[#Emperor Dismissed | Emperor Dismissed]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.21--&gt; | [[#Declaration at the School Festival | Declaration at the School Festival]]
| &lt;!--2.21--&gt; | [[#The Ragnarök Connection | The Ragnarök Connection]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.22--&gt; | [[#Bloodstained Euphie | Bloodstained Euphie]]
| &lt;!--2.22--&gt; | [[#Emperor Lelouch | Emperor Lelouch]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.23--&gt; | [[#At Least with Sorrow | At Least with Sorrow]]
| &lt;!--2.23--&gt; | [[#Schneizel's Guise | Schneizel's Guise]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.24--&gt; | [[#The Collapsing Stage | The Collapsing Stage]]
| &lt;!--2.24--&gt; | [[#The Grip of Damocles | The Grip of ''Damocles'']]
|-
| &lt;!--1.25--&gt; | [[#Zero | Zero]]
| &lt;!--2.25--&gt; | [[#Re; | Re;]]
|-
|}

== Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion ==
=== ''The Day a New Demon was Born'' ===
:'''[[w:Kallen Kōzuki|Kallen Stadtfeld]]''': ''[in her Knightmare Frame]'' You fellas know full well what this badass mother can do!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Lloyd Asplund|Lloyd Asplund]]''': A-ha!
:'''Bartley Asprius''': What are you doing?
:'''Lloyd''': Looking at a man who blundered, am I right?
:'''Bartley''': ''[riled]'' Why, you—
:'''Lloyd''': You really screwed this one up. Terrorists came along and stole whatever it was that you and Prince Clovis were secretly working on. Retrieving it is simple, but you want to sweep up all their compatriots in addition. Let the terrorists go, and you can find their hideout, too. ''[turns to his assistant, Cécile Croomy]'' Congratulations! Your reasoning was spot-on!
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Cécile Croomy|Cécile Croomy]]''': It was nothing. I just thought it was strange.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[C.C. enters Lelouch's mind and proposes the contract of Geass.]''
:'''[[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]]''': You don't want it to end here, do you?
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': What?
:'''C.C.''': You appear to have a reason for living.
:'''Lelouch''': The girl? That's impossible.
:'''C.C.''': If I grant you power, could you go on? I propose a deal—in exchange for this power, you must agree to make my one wish come true. Accept this contract, and you accept its conditions. While living in the world of humans, you will live unlike any other: a different providence, a different time, a different life. The Power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Are you prepared for this?
:'''Lelouch''': Yes! I hereby accept the terms of your contract!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has just been granted Geass by C.C. and is planning to use it on the Britannian royal guards who have him cornered]''
:'''Lelouch''': Say, how should a Britannian who detests his own country live his life?
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': Are you some kind of radical? Huh?
:'''Lelouch''': What's wrong? Why not shoot? Your opponent is just a schoolboy. Or have you finally realized…the only ones who should kill ''are those who are prepared to be killed!''
:''[Lelouch uncovers his left eye and activates Geass]''
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': What's happening here?!
:'''Lelouch''': I, Lelouch vi Britannia, commands you! Now, all of you:''Die!''
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': ''[laughs madly as he and his men are overcome by Geass]'' Happily, Your Highness!
:''[The royal guards all put their pistols to their necks]''
:'''Britannian royal Guard commander''': Fire!
:''[All royal guards present pull their triggers; Lelouch gasps in shock that he has indeed made them commit suicide]''
:'''Lelouch (voice-over)''': That was the turning point. Since that day, I've lived a lie: The lie of living. My name, too, was a lie. My personal history, a lie. Nothing but lies. I was sick to death of a world that couldn't be changed. But even in my lies, I refused to give up in despair. But now, this incredible power…it's mine.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[grins evilly]'' Well, then…

=== ''The White Knight Awakens'' ===

:''[Lelouch is musing on why C.C. granted him Geass when a'' Sutherland ''Knightmare Frame piloted by Viletta Nu barges in]''
:'''[[w:Villetta Nu|Villetta Nu]]''': ''[checks her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s visual sensors, gasps]'' How could all these royal guards be dead? ''[activates her Sutherland's loudspeakers and addresses Lelouch]'' What happened here, boy?! And why is a Britannian student in a place like this?! Are you deaf?! Answer me, or I'll-- ''[fires her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s machine gun around Lelouch]'' Answer me!
:'''Lelouch''': I order you to come out, at once! ''[activates Geass]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[is unaffected by Lelouch's Geass]'' Who the hell do you think you are to order me?!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[deactivates Geass and thinks]'' I see. It only works with direct eye contact. ''[aloud, as he turns to face the'' Sutherland ''with his hands up]'' My name is Alan Spacer. My father's a duke.
:'''Viletta''': Nobility?
:'''Lelouch''': My ID card's in my breast pocket. After you confirm who I am, I'll request your protection.
:'''Viletta''': ''[deactivates her Knightmare and disembarks, pistol in hand and pointed towards Lelouch]'' Keep your hands up in the air! I'll take out your ID.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[activates Geass]'' Now then, hand your Knightmare over to me.
:''[Viletta is overcome by Geass and points her pistol away from Lelouch]'' 
:'''Viletta''': Understood. The code number is XG21G2D4.
:''[Viletta throws her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s key at Lelouch, who catches it]''
:'''Lelouch''': Got it. ''[deactivates Geass and claims Viletta's Sutherland for his own]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': So, are we having a bad day?! Looks like you missed a chance to go to heaven, Private Kururugi.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': Good afternoon!
:'''Military Commanders''': What is it?! We're in the middle of an operation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has just forced Clovis to order the Britannian forces to cease fighting in the Shinjuku ghetto]''
:'''Clovis la Britannia''': Are you satisfied?
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': Very. Well done.
:'''Clovis''': And what shall we do now? Sing a few lively ballads, or perhaps a nice game of chess?
:'''Lelouch''': That has a familiar ring.
:'''Clovis''': Hmm?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[removes his helmet and casts it aside]'' Don't you recall? The two of us used to play chess together as boys. Of course, I would always win.
:'''Clovis''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': Remember? At the Aries Villa?
:'''Clovis''': You! Who are you?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[walks out of the shadows, revealing his face to Clovis]'' It's been a long time, big brother. ''[Clovis gasps]'' The eldest son of the late consort Marianne and 17th in line to the imperial throne, Lelouch vi Britannia, at your service.
:'''Clovis''': Lelouch! B-But I thought--
:'''Lelouch''': That I was dead? You were wrong. ''[sustained pause]'' I have returned, Your Highness, and I've come back to change everything.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The trick of real combat is that everyone is human.

=== ''The False Classmate'' ===
:'''[[w:Jeremiah Gottwald|Jeremiah Gottwald]]''': (on PA system) Why the hell we're letting the Elevens go? What about the poison gas they've stolen?
:'''Royal Guard''': But it's by order of Prince Clovis.
:'''Jeremiah''': What about Bartley? Get the general's staff on the line.
:'''Royal Guard''': They're not at their post, sir.
:'''Jeremiah''': Are you telling me Prince Clovis is alone on the con?
''(Lelouch confronts Clovis at gunpoint)''
:'''Clovis''': I'm overjoyed, Lelouch! They say you died once Japan was brought into the fold. What a blessing to have you back, we should depart for the homeland immediately.
:'''Lelouch''': So you can use me as a tool of diplomacy? It seems you forgotten why we were used as tools in the first place.
''(Clovis gasps)''
:'''Lelouch''': That's right. It was because my mother was killed.
''(In the flashback where Empress Marianne was assassinated)''
:'''Lelouch''': Mother held the title of Knight of Honor, but was a commoner by birth. No doubt the other imperial consorts held her in contempt. Even though you made it look like the work of terrorists, I'm no fool! You people killed my mother!
:'''Clovis''': It wasn't me! I swear to you, it wasn't!
:'''Lelouch''': Then tell me everything you know. The truth cannot be hidden from me any longer. By whose hands was she slain?
''(Lelouch use his Geass to make Clovis tell the truth)''
:'''Clovis''': My brother, Second Prince Schneizel, and Second Princess Cornelia. They can tell you.
:'''Lelouch''': They were at the heart of this? That's all that you know, isn't it?
''(Lelouch releases Clovis from his Geass)''
:'''Clovis''': (scarily) I swear, it wasn't me! I have... nothing to do with it!
:'''Lelouch''': (puts down his gun) I believe you. However...
''(Lelouch puts his gun close to Clovis' face)''
:'''Clovis''': Please, you can't! We may have different mothers, but you and I are still blood!
:'''Lelouch''': You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty.
''(Lelouch pulls the trigger and kills Clovis)''

=== ''His Name is Zero'' ===

:'''Jeremiah''': ''[as a fake version of Prince Clovis' car approaches the military convoy escorting Suzaku]'' You dare desecrate His Highness's transport? Come out of there!
''[Upper part of transport burns away, revealing Zero. Jeremiah and crowd gasps.]''
:'''[[w:Zero (Code Geass)|Zero]]''': I am…'''Zero.'''
:'''Villetta''': Zero?
:'''Reporter''': Who—who is this person, this man calling himself Zero, standing before a full military convoy?
:'''Rivalz''': ''[worried]'' What is all this?
:'''Shinichirō Tamaki''': What the ''hell'' does he think he's doing?!
:'''Reporter''': Who is this man calling himself &quot;Zero&quot;? Ladies and gentlemen, the scene down here...
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Diethard Ried|Diethard Ried]]''': Zero? What, you mean like, &quot;nothing&quot;?
:'''Reporter''': Are we gazing on a terrorist? Certainly not the wisest, if such is the case.
:'''[[w:Suzaku Kururugi|Suzaku Kururugi]]''': ''[thinking]'' Is he…an Eleven?
:'''Zero''': ''[thinking]'' Now to return the favor, Suzaku.
:'''Jeremiah''': I've seen enough, Zero. This little show of yours is over.
''[Jeremiah shoots gun, signaling more Sutherlands enter from above. Kallen gasps.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': First things first: why don't you lose that mask?
''[Zero's right hand hovers over face then feints, raising arm up and snaps his fingers. On cue, the transport's rear breaks away, revealing the capsule from the first episode.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[shocked]'' What in the—?!
:'''Villetta''': Jeremiah, be careful, he's got the—!
:'''Zero''': ''[thinking]'' Yes, Jeremiah. ''[recalls when capsule first opened, revealing C.C.]'' You never saw inside this thing, so you assume it holds poison gas.
:'''Suzaku''': Wait, you don't understand— ''[electric collar activated]'' Kuh!
:'''Reporter''': Can all of you watching at home see this? It's some sort of device, although its purpose is unclear. Stay with us, and we'll see if this so-caled terrorist has anything to say.
:'''Jeremiah''': You bastard… He's taken every Britannian here hostage…and he's done it without them even knowing! ''[points gun at Zero]''
:'''Zero''': You intend to shoot? I think you know full well what…
:'''Diethard''': Unit 6, bring up the sound and get that camera right in his face.
:'''Cameraman''': Sir, it's too hairy out here. 
:'''Diethard''': ''[growling]'' Amateurs. ''[grabs another news camera and heads out to the scene]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Fine. What are you demands?
:'''Zero''': An exchange: this for Kururugi.
:'''Jeremiah''': Like hell. He's charged with high treason for murdering a prince. I can't hand him over. 
:'''Zero''': No. You're mistaken, Jeremiah. ''He's'' no murderer. 
''[Diethard runs out onto the street, zooming in on Zero with his camera]''
:'''Zero''': The man who killed Clovis… ''[looks directly at Diethard's camera]'' …'''''was myself!'''''
''[The crowd gasps]''
:'''Cécile''': Unbelievable. 
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': ''[interested]'' The real culprit, eh?
:'''Reporter''': What—What does this mean? This masked man called Zero—no, we can't be sure ''who'' he is—but in any case, he claims to be the real assassin! So where does this leave the current suspect, Private Kururugi?
:'''Kaname Ohgi''': Ugh, ''crap,'' there's no way out of this…!
:'''Kallen''': ''[trembling in fear, whispering]'' We are so ''screwed…''
:'''Zero''': For a single Eleven, you'll save scores of precious Britannians. I find that to be a bargain.
:'''Diethard''': ''[thinking]'' This is all one big performance to him. 
:'''Jeremiah''': He's mad, I tell you! Disguising this truck as His Highness's—he'll pay the price for mocking the crown!
''[Sutherlands aim at Zero.]''
:'''Zero''': Careful! You don't wish the public to learn of &quot;Orange&quot;, do you?
:'''Jeremiah''': Huh?
:'''Britannian soldier 1''': ''[confused]'' &quot;Orange&quot;? What's he talking about?
:'''Britannian soldier 2''': ''[just as lost]'' I don't know.
''[Zero taps his right foot twice, signaling Kallen to slowly drive forward—toward Jeremiah]''
:'''Zero''': If I die, it will all go public. If you don't want that to happen…
:'''Jeremiah''': What are you talking about? What is this?!
''[A small part of Zero's mask slides open, revealing his left eye.]''
:'''Zero''': ''[activating his Geass]'' You'll do everything in your power to let us go. Your prisoner as well!
''[The Geass is successful.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Right, understood. ''[to the guards]'' You there, release the prisoner!
''[Kallen gasps.]''
:'''Villetta''': ''[shocked]'' What on earth are you doing, my lord?!
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[ignoring her]'' Get that man over here!
:'''Villetta''': Huh…?
:'''Britannian soldier 1''': Should we?
:'''Britannian soldier 2''': But…
:'''Jeremiah''': Hand him over! Nobody gets in his way.
:'''Kewell Soresi''': No! What are you thinking? You can't do this!
:'''Jeremiah''': Lord Kewell! This is an order!
:'''Reporter''': It's hard to tell what's happening from here…but it seems that Kururugi's release has been brokered!
''[Zero and Suzaku both reach the street and approach each other.]''
:'''Suzaku''': So who the hell are you—? ''[electric collar shocks him again]'' Guh!
:'''Zero''': As I thought. They didn't allow you to speak. 
:'''Villetta''': ''[reentering her Knightmare]'' If they get away, we'll lose everything!
:'''Kallen''': ''[walking up to Zero]'' It's time to go, Zero.
:'''Zero''': Well then…'til next time. ''[Zero pulls out a remote and presses the top button. The capsule releases colored smoke, sending Britannians scrambling for cover.]''
:'''Villetta''': ''[aiming at Zero's group]'' You cowardly Eleven! ''[shoots, but is stopped by Jeremiah]'' Lord Jeremiah, what're you—?!
:'''Jeremiah''': You heard me! '''Stand down! ''NOW!'''''
''[Zero, Kallen, and Suzaku jump off the bridge, escaping from the scene.]''
:'''Kewell''': They're not alone at all! They jumped right off!
''[The three land right into a net sprung by Ogi's Knightmare, landing safely into a truck.]''
:'''Ohgi''': ''[unable to believe their luck]'' It worked! Now we can— ''[Kewell's Sutherland fires]'' —ugh!
''[Kewell damages Ogi's unit, forcing the latter to eject.]''
:'''Kewell''': You imbecile! There's nowhere for you to run—!
:'''Jeremiah''': '''''Lord Kewell!''''' ''[Soresi turns to see Jeremaih aiming his Sutherland rifle at him]'' Are you going to follow orders or not? And believe me, there ''will'' be repercussions! All units, do I make myself clear? '''''Do everything in your power to help them get away!'''''

=== ''The Princess and the Witch'' ===
''[Euphemia finds and befriends a cat with a wounded leg; she shows it to Suzaku, but it bites him.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Ah…
:'''[[w:Euphemia li Britannia|Euphemia li Britannia]]''': Oh, my!
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Jeremiah Gottwald's'' Sutherland ''has been cornerned by Kewell Soresi and three other Loyalist pilots in their own'' Sutherlands'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Damn! It's four against one! ''Coward!''
:'''Kewell''': Don't worry, Jeremiah. We'll say you died in battle. Your family's name won't be disgraced.
:'''Jeremiah''': You're serious, then?! You actually intend to kill me?! ''Kewell!''
:'''Kewell''': Silence, ''Orange!'' We serve the Imperial Family! Why else would we be here?!
:''[Kewell and the other Loyalists all charge towards Jeremiah with their lances]''
:'''Kewell and the Loyalist pilots''': ''[in unison]'' '''ALL…HAIL…BRITANNIA!!!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;25%&quot;/&gt;
(''Euphemia steps out to stop the fighting'')
:'''Euphemia''': Everyone lower your weapons at once! In my name, I command you!
:'''Kewell''': It can't be!
:'''Euphemia''': I am Euphemia li Britannia of the Empire and the Third Princess of the Royal Family.
:'''Suzaku''': (gasps) Euphie!
:'''Euphemia''': I'm assuming command here, now fall back!
:'''Jeremiah''': It is her, it's the princess.
:'''Cécile''': Didn't you know it was her, Lloyd?
:'''Lloyd''': Uh-huh, but she's been a student up until now, and doesn't need a public debut yet.
:'''Kewell''': We... We're truly.. We're truly sorry, Your Highness!
(''Kewell and the Purebloods bow to Princess Euphemia'') 
:'''Suzaku''': Milady! I have no idea who you were. Please forgive me, Princess!
:'''Euphemia''': Suzaku, you and I bear similar deep pain. You have lost your father as I have lost my brother.
(''Suzaku gasp'')
:'''Euphemia''': Will you let me help you in your quest ensure that no one ever again has to suffer the lost of a loved one on the battlefield?
(''Suzaku bows to the Third Princess'')
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, I'm... I'm not worthy of your kindness!

(''A conversation is being talk between Euphemia and her older sister Second Princess Cornelia'')
:'''Cornelia li Britannia''': I heard what you did Euphemia, you shouldn't be so reckless.
:'''Euphemia''': I know Sister, forgive me but-
:'''Cornelia''': You will address me as Viceroy here, Sub-Viceroy Euphemia. Because we're sisters, we need to follow a stricter protocol.
:'''Euphemia''': Yes, I understand.
:'''Cornelia''': Hmm. (''turns to the vice minister'') Now, then. Give me your report.
:'''Vice minister''': Yes, milady. The first order of business is a welcome party we arranged for Your Highness-
(''Cornelia points her gun at the vice minister'')
:'''Cornelia''': Sloppy. Senile. Corrupt. Where is Zero?! I want the enemy of the Empire caught! Get Zero!

=== ''The Stolen Mask'' ===

:'''C.C.''': That wasn't my fault, was it? I didn't touch or rub anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emperor Charles zi Britannia''': &quot;All men are not created equal. Some are born swifter afoot, some with greater beauty. Some are born into poverty; and others are born sick and feeble. Both in birth and in upbringing, in sheer scope of ability, every human is inherently different! Yes, that is why people discriminate against one another, which is why there is struggle, competition, and the unfaltering march of progress! Inequality is not wrong, equality is! What of the EU who made equality a right? Rabble politics by a popularity contest. The Chinese Federation with its equal distribution of wealth? A nation of lazy dullards. But not our beloved Britannia. We fight, we compete; evolution is continuous! Britannia alone moves forward; advancing steadily into the future. Even the death of my son Clovis demonstrates Britannia’s unswerving commitment to progress! We will fight on, we shall struggle, compete, plunder, and dominate and in the end the future shall be ours! All Hail Britannia!&quot;

=== ''Attack Cornelia'' ===

:'''Shirley Fenette''': I know Kallen said I had it all wrong, but it seemed like she was getting upset in order to fool me.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[holding a telephone]'' Which is why, in this case, it's best to simply ask him directly. On your behalf, I can ask him how he feels about you.
:'''Shirley''': What?! You'd really do that?!
:'''Suzaku''': Just relax. It'll be fine.
:'''Shirley''': ''[charges towards Suzaku, takes the phone from him, and slams it on the receiver]'' Are you nuts?! No way!
:''[meanwhile, Lelouch is in the cockpit of a stolen Sutherland, conducting terrorist operations in the Saitama ghetto]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[looks at his cell phone]'' Hmm? Oh, whatever.
:''[back at Ashford Academy, Suzaku and Shirley are fighting over the phone]''
:'''Suzaku''': Oh, come on, let me handle this for you! I'll be discreet!
:'''Shirley''': I don't want your help, okay?!
:'''Suzaku''': It's going to be fine!
:''[Suzaku and Shirley fumble and drop the phone, and Suzaku falls on top of Shirley; Arthur the cat is also knocked off his perch during the struggle]''
:'''Suzaku''': Sorry.
:''[Shirley gasps; Suzaku then grimaces as Arthur bites his hand]''
:'''Shirley''': Uh-oh. Does that hurt much?
:'''Suzaku''': Greatly.

:(''In the Britannian homeland, 8 years ago'')
:'''Royal Guard''': Announcing Prince Lelouch vi Britannia, seventeenth heir to the royal Britannian imperial throne!
:'''Male Noble''': I heard Empress Marianne was killed inside of the Britannia Palace.
:'''Male Noble''': There's no way terrorists could've gotten in there.
:'''Male Noble''': Which means that the real assassins must have-
:'''Male Noble''': Shh!, beware my friend, you'll regret it if anyone hears that kind of talk around the palace.
:'''Male Noble''': And yet the boy remains, even though his mother is dead, is over.
:'''Male Noble''': And the Ashford family who stood behind him is finished as well.
:'''Female Noble''': And his sister, the princess?
:(''Nunnally in the hospital'')
:'''Male Noble''': I understand she was shot in the legs and that she lost her sight!
:'''Male Noble''': Blindness caused by trauma though, isn't it?
:'''Male Noble''': No difference, now she can't be married off through political gain.

(''Lelouch approaching his father, the Britannian Emperor'')
:'''Lelouch''': Hail, Your Majesty! My mother the Empress is dead.
:'''Charles''': Old news. What of it?
:'''Lelouch''': What of it?!
:'''Charles''': You sought an audience with the Emperor of Britannia to simply inform me of that. Send the next one in. I have no time for these childish games.
(''Lelouch running to the emperor'')
:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''': Father!
(''Guards run to stop Lelouch, but Charles raise his hand to halt them'')
:'''Guards''': Yes, Your Majesty!
:'''Lelouch''': Why didn't you keep Mother out of harm's way? You're the emperor, the greatest man in this nation, if not the world, you should've protected her and now you don't even visit Nunnally!
:'''Charles''': I'm no use for that weakling.
:'''Lelouch''': That weakling?
:'''Charles''': That is what it means to be royalty.
:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''':'' (angrily)'' Then I don't want to be your heir, I give up my claim to the throne! (''Nobles gasp of what Lelouch is saying'') I'm sick of the fighting and scheming over who will succeed you, Father. I've had enough!
:'''Charles zi Britannia''': You are dead. You were always been dead to me, dead from the moment you were born. Who gave you the fine clothes you wear and comfortable home? The food you eat and your very life? All of those, I have given to you. In short, you are not nothing to me because you have never existed. Yet you dare to speak such foolishness to me?! (''Lelouch falls as his father rises from the throne'') Lelouch, you are dead, therefore you are not entitled to any rights. I am sending you and Nunnally to Japan, as prince and princess. You will serve well as bargaining tools.

:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''': Until I met you, I was dead an impotent corpse existing behind a false guise of life. A life in which I did nothing real. Day to day I simple went through the motions of living, as if I were a zombie and I always had the feeling that I was gradually dyeing. If I am condemned to go back to that then I would rather...

=== ''The Black Knights'' ===
''(During the hotel hijacking)''
''(Nina sees a Japanese soldier)''
:'''Nina Einstein''': An…Eleven?
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''[riled] What'' did you say?!
''[Nina gasps in fear.]''
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''[point his gun at them]'' We're not Elevens! We're ''Japanese'', damn it!
:'''Milly Ashford''': Yes, we're aware of that! Just lay off of her!
:'''Japanese soldier''': Then correct her! We're not called Elevens!
:'''Shirley''': Fine, we'll correct her!
:'''Japanese soldier''': How dare you speak like that to me! You three, come with me to the next room and I'll teach you a real lesson!
:'''Nina''': ''[sobbing]'' No…No!
''[Euphemia tries to get up, but is stopped by her subordinate.]''
:'''Japanese solider''': I said, ''get up '''now!''' [grabs Nina's arm]''
:'''Nina''': Ahhhhh! Let me go!
:'''Euphemia''': ''[stands up]'' Stop it!
:'''Japanese soldier''': Who the hell are you?! ''[throws Nina to the side]''
:'''Euphemia''': I demand you to take me to your leader right now! Understand?
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''What?!''
:'''Subordinate''': ''[in an urgent whisper]'' No, Sub-Viceroy, ''please!''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[takes off her glasses]'' You're addressing Euphemia li Britannia, the Third Princess of the Britannian Empire.
''[All Japanese and Britannians present gasp.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[to Nina]'' Are you all right, young lady? You haven't been hurt?
:'''Nina''': ''[almost speechless]'' No…
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(Lelouch reveals the [[w:List of Code Geass characters#The Black Knights|Black Knights]] to the world.)''
:'''Lelouch (as Zero)''': People! Fear us, or rally behind us as you see fit! We are the Black Knights!
:'''Cécile''': Black Knights?
:'''Lloyd''': Ironic, isn't it? The terrorists referring to themselves as knights?
:'''Zero''': We of the Black Knights stand with all those who have no weapons to wield…regardless of whether they be Elevens or Britannians! The Japan Liberation Front cowardly took innocent Britannian civilians hostage, and they mercilessly executed them! It was a wanton and meaningless act; therefore, they have been punished…
:'''Diethard''': You heard me right! I said let it run! ''Liable?! I'll'' be the one responsible for this!
:'''Zero''': …just as [[w:List of Code Geass characters#Clovis la Britannia|former Viceroy Clovis]] was punished for ordering the slaughter of countless unarmed Elevens. We cannot stand by and allow such cruelty to be carried out, and so we made him pay for his actions. I will not repudiate battle on a fair and level field, but neither will I tolerate a one-sided massacre of the weak by the strong. The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed! Wherever oppressors abuse their power by attacking those who are powerless, we shall appear again, no matter how mighty or formidable our foe may be!
:'''Kallen''': ''(Thinking.)'' Knights…for justice?
:'''Zero''': Those of you with power, fear us! Those of you without it, rally behind us! We, the Black Knights, shall be the ones who stand in judgment of this world!

=== ''Refrain'' ===
:'''Kallen''': Ever since we made our big splash at the hotel-jacking, the Black Knights have taken the world by storm. We've become a friend to the weak, just as Zero proclaimed we would. Terrorists who involve civilians, an overbearing military, criminal syndicates, corrupt politicians, and profiteers; if the law would not punish them, then we would. In the blink of an eye, we'd become heroes. Support for us has swelled, and we've even gotten our hands on some Knightmares again. Of course, no one could show that in public, because... Because our leader Zero had killed Prince Clovis. There are many in our ranks who wish to know his true identity, myself included. But if we push too hard, I suspect that he would vanish. And without him... I'm fairly certain we'd be finished.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen is standing outside the Student Council room]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[yawns]'' Man, this double life sure is a killer.
:'''Milly''': ''[muffled]'' Come on, Suzaku, hold him down!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[muffled]'' Damn it, Suzaku, cut it out! ''[Kallen opens the door to the Student Council room]'' Stop it! I'm not kidding!
:'''Suzaku''': Sorry, Lelouch, but it's the President's orders.
:''[Kallen finds Nina wearing a hat and sitting at a computer and Suzaku, Shirley, Milly, and Rivalz all dressed in cat costumes and struggling to apply makeup to a visibly defiant Lelouch, who is tied to a chair and struggling to get out]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yeah, like you're not enjoying this at all?!
:'''Shirley''': Would you hold still?!
:'''Milly''': ''[notices Kallen's presence and turns to her]'' Good &quot;meow&quot;-ning.
:'''Kallen''': Good…morning, I guess. ''[Lelouch, Suzaku, Shirley, and Rivalz all look at her]'' What is all this?
:'''Rivalz Cardemonde''': What do you mean? Didn't we tell you? It's our welcome party for Arthur.
:'''Kallen''': Sounds like fun.
:'''Milly''': ''[chuckles]'' Well, classes are postponed. We might as well have some fun, right?
:'''Shirley''': We set some stuff aside for you over here. ''[points towards a rack of cat costumes and several boxes of accessories]'' To make up for all my getting upset at you before. Take your pick.
:'''Kallen''': What? For me?
:'''Lelouch''': She doesn't need a costume.
:'''Kallen''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[to Kallen]'' You're already wearing a mask, right?
:'''Kallen''': ''[sarcastically, to Lelouch]'' You really are a riot, you know that? You ought to be on television.
:'''Rivalz''': ''[to Shirley]'' What do you think, Ms. TV Star?
:'''Suzaku''': Oh, I thought she meant Lelouch.
:'''Shirley''': ''[sighs]'' Would you quit joking about that?! The whole thing's a huge pain in the butt! We've been hounded with questions day and night! Even in the bath!
:'''Milly''': We haven't been able to leave school grounds in a week!
:'''Rivalz''': Not that I don't feel for you, but I don't see why we can't leave either!
:'''Milly''': Hmm, that's the price of friendship. ''[[w:Romance of the Three Kingdoms|The Romance of the Three Kingdoms]]'': &quot;It matters not that we were born apart. Upon this day, we die as one.&quot;
:'''Rivalz''': Is that your idea of a love quote?
:'''Milly''': If I go down, then we all do.
:'''Rivalz''': That's a little dark, right, Suzaku?
:'''Suzaku''': I'm glad… ''[tears start welling up in his eyes]'' That we could all be together again… You know, like this?
:'''Rivalz''': ''[jumps over Lelouch]'' Come on! We're supposed to be ''unwinding'' here! ''[takes Suzaku down to the ground with him]''
:''[Lelouch, Shirley, and Milly all laugh]''
:'''Shirley''': That's what's so refreshing about Suzaku, though.
:'''Milly''': Yeah, but once in a while, you just want him to get a clue, you know?
:'''Suzaku''': ''[muffled as Rivalz starts pushing on his cheeks]'' Sorry about that.
:'''Rivalz''': Aw, you love it, puddy tat.
:''[everyone starts laughing]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[thinking]'' It's so funny to think that I helped save their lives.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''C.C.''': ''[thinking]'' &quot;False tears can only hurt others. False smiles can only hurt yourself.&quot;

=== Guren ''Dances'' ===

:'''Cornelia''': You, the Japan Liberation Front. You whose time has left behind. You who have forgotten basic human decency. You and your dream of a bygone golden age shall fall and rot to nothingness. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''C.C.''': Lelouch, do you know why snow is white? It's because it has forgotten what color it once was...

=== ''Battle for Narita'' ===
:'''C.C.''':In their hearts, everyone has faith in their own existence and ultimate triumph, however when time and destiny unfold, this faith turns out to be quite fleeting and pointless.
:[''Voice over at the beginning of the episode.'']
:'''Narrator''': Man wants to believe his victory inevitable, but, in the face of time, hope is useless when one's fate has already been decided.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kewell is trying to engage his ejection seat as his'' Sutherland ''is being fried by the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Kewell''': Come on, move! I can't lose to Elevens! ''I am a Britannian!''
:''[Kewell's Sutherland explodes, killing him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a gravely wounded Jeremiah limps in front of a Britannian army cargo truck]''
:'''Britannian scientist #1''': Ugh, another soldier!
:'''Britannian scientist #2''': No wonder our battalions fell apart.
:'''Jeremiah''': I swear I'm not Orange! ''ZERO!!!''
:''[Jeremiah collapses]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''' ''(in response to C.C.'s question from the previous episode)'':C.C., I do not know why snow is white, but I do find such white snow beautiful.

=== ''The Messenger from Kyoto'' ===
:'''Lelouch''': I am grateful, Lord Kirihara.
:'''Taizō Kirihara''': Are you embarking on the path of blood?
:'''Lelouch''': Indeed, if that is my destiny...

=== ''Shirley at Gunpoint'' ===

:'''Cécile''': Oh, Lloyd! Care for another lesson in proper social etiquette? You look like you have some time to kill.
:'''Lloyd''': I'll have to take a pass on that.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Suzaku''': A victory won through dishonest means is no victory at all.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': I must spill yet more blood, so the blood already spilt will not be in vain.

=== ''Geass vs. Geass'' ===

:''[Shirley visits the memorial at Narita]''
:'''Shirley''': Lulu, how could you do this?
:'''Mao''': Yes, how could he?
:''[Shirley gasps and turns to face Mao]''
:'''Mao''': ''[claps]'' A very fine memorial. Isn't that right, Ms. Shirley Fenette?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mao''': He's a cruel man, isn't he? Lelouch.
:'''Shirley''': How do you know about Lulu?
:'''Mao''': Aw, he deceived you. Never told you he's Zero.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps and drops her bag]'' Who are you?! What do you want?!
:'''Mao''': The same mouth that ordered your father's death stole a kiss from your tender lips. He's a very bad man, and you ''like'' it. ''[Shirley shudders as he walks towards her]'' Punishment must be measured out, to him…and to ''you.''
:'''Shirley''': To me?
:'''Mao''': I know everything. All that happened that night.
:''[flash back to the previous night, during the Black Knight assault on the Britannian forces at the harbor; Shirley is in shock that Lelouch and Zero have been revealed to be one and the same]''
:'''Viletta''': Is that Zero?
:''[Shirley stands aside as Viletta approaches the unconscious Lelouch, kneels next to him, and grabs him by the hair]''
:'''Viletta''': Well, well, what a shocker. The student is Zero himself. A Britannian? ''[laughs evilly before letting go of Lelouch's hair]'' When I bring him to Viceroy Cornelia, she'll make me a noble! Not just a knight of honor, real nobility! And he's still alive, too! What kind of grand execution will they have in store for him. ''[stands up to face Shirley]'' Of course, you'll be rewarded too--
:''[Viletta gasps, as Shirley is now pointing her gun at her]''
:'''Viletta''': Stupid of me. He's your boyfriend, isn't he?! ''[charges towards Shirley]''
:'''Shirley''': ''Lulu! [guns down Viletta]''
:''[flash forward to the present day]''
:'''Mao''': So you're a killer, too. Just like Zero.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps]'' No! That's not true! I just--
:'''Mao''': And you actually ''used'' your father's death for your own gain.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps again] No!'' I just-- ''I just--''
:'''Mao''': Cunning little woman. You knew he'd feel sorry for you, didn't you, so you played it for all it was worth.
:'''Shirley''': ''No! You're wrong!''
:'''Mao''': Did his sympathy make you all tingly?
:'''Shirley''': ''Stop it!''
:'''Mao:''': Playing the tragic heroine again?
:'''Shirley''': No, I'm not doing that!
:'''Mao''': A girl who kills and then goes fishing for attention? Only evil witches do that.
:'''Shirley''': I didn't-- I never meant--
:'''Mao''': ''[walks even closer to Shirley]'' You ''knew'' there was another girl who liked Lelouch, and you wanted to get him away from her. ''[Shirley gasps once more]'' Now you have to pay the price, Shirley.
:''[Shirley falls to her knees and breaks down in tears]''
:'''Mao''': Do you want to carry these feelings around for the rest of your life? All by yourself? ''[starts clapping]'' Unless you atone and completely free your heart, you and Lelouch will both be lost in your sins, ''forever.''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''C.C.''': [''speaking to Lelouch''] You should stay way from those you do not wish to lose.

:'''Shirley''': I see.  You loved her, didn't you? You must feel terrible.
:'''Lelouch''': Right now, I don't know anymore.
:'''Shirley''': Well, the morning always comes again.
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Shirley''': I have to say it's funny, I know I came out here for some reason, but I can't remember exactly what it was now. Maybe it's because I already put the whole thing behind me, something I wanted to let go of. Maybe it was something I thought I couldn't forget. Maybe I was full of sadness. But, morning still comes right? That's why you shouldn't hold your thoughts back like that.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, you're right. I feel the same way now, Thanks a lot, for everything

=== ''Cheering Mao'' ===

:''[C.C. has followed Mao's request to meet him at Clovisland]''
:'''Mao''': ''[is riding on the carousel]'' C.C., your mind is so quiet! It's the only one I can't read! You really are the best there is!
:'''C.C.''': As childish as ever, I see.
:'''Mao''': I'm a prince on a white stallion…and a prince has to rescue the princess! ''[gets off the carousel and laughs]'' Does that make you happy, C.C.?
:'''C.C.''': Mao, we talked about this before. I told you that you and I--
:'''Mao''': Those were all lies! Lies! C.C., you love me, and this is how I know. ''[takes off his headphones]''
:'''Recording of C.C.'s voice''': Thank you, Mao. Mao! Mao.
:'''C.C.''': ''Stop it!''
:''[flash back to Mao's younger days as an orphan]''
:'''Mao''': '''BE QUIET!!!'''
:'''C.C.''': Don't listen to them. Just listen to the sound of my voice. That's it. Since my mind is the only one you can't read, and you can only be happy when you're with me, I will stay with you always. Yes…I'm right here, so you don't need to worry.
:''[flash forward to the present day]''
:'''Mao''': C.C., you're the only one! The only one I want, forever! Lelouch doesn't matter at all! ''[walks towards C.C.]'' If you'll just come with me--
:'''C.C.''': ''Stop it! [knocks Mao's headphones away and pulls a gun on him]'' I should have done this a long, long time ago.
:''[gunshot]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[C.C. falls to her knees after being shot in the arm by Mao]]''
:'''Mao''': I knew it! I knew you couldn't pull the trigger! That's because you really love me, C.C.! ''[laughs hysterically and claps]''
:'''[[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]]''': You're wrong! I was just using you right from the start!
:'''Mao''': What are you saying?! You shouldn't tell lies like that! You really shouldn't! ''[shoots C.C.]'' Lies are very, ''very'' wicked! ''Wicked lies! [shoots C.C. four more times]'' Don't worry! ''[shoots C.C. once more]'' I understand! C.C., you must listen to me! I've built a big, brand-new house in Australia! A very quiet, white, immaculate, special house! But to get to Australia, you'll need to take an airplane, and there isn't very much room. ''[starts walking away from C.C.]'' The thing is, C.C., you're a little too big to bring on a plane. ''[picks up a chainsaw]'' So that's why… ''[starts up the chainsaw]'' '''…I'm going to make you compact!''' It'll take no time at all! ''[saws right through a metal signpost, seemingly as if to prove his point]''
:'''C.C.''': Is this your revenge? You're punishing me?
:'''Mao''': Oh, no. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not at all! ''[turns towards C.C. and walks towards her]'' I'm showing you my gratitude!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[via prerecorded message played through Clovisland's television system]'' So this is the place that you picked.
:''[Mao turns off his chainsaw as he looks at the screen]''
:'''Lelouch''': A place where there'd be no one else's thoughts to bother you. That narrowed it way down.
:'''Mao''': Lelouch?
:'''Lelouch''': Since your Geass has a total maximum range of 500 meters, it can't reach me here at Tokyo Tower.
:'''Mao''': ''[laughs and claps]'' That's true, that's very true! But what can ''you'' do from so far away, hmm? After taking all that trouble to hack into the system, what's your grand plan? A remote-control attack with some battery-operated toys? Or a tongue-lashing to lecture me into submission? ''[no response from Lelouch]'' Ah, cat got ''your'' tongue now. If you want C.C., then you're gonna have to come--
:'''Lelouch''': Mao, think! You don't believe &quot;C.C.&quot; is her real name, do you? She never even whispers it to anyone.
:''[a shocked Mao looks at the screen, then at C.C.]''
:'''Lelouch''': But ''I'' know it, though. She told ''me'' her true name.
:'''Mao''': Is that right, C.C.? You never told me, ever, ever! But you told it to ''him?!''
:'''Lelouch''': You know why? Because C.C. is mine. C.C. belongs to me in every possible way.
:'''Mao''': ''No!'' She doesn't! She doesn't, she doesn't, she doesn't! She was ''mine'' long before she met ''you!''
:'''Lelouch''': I have gained every single thing from her, including all of the parts that ''you'' have never seen. ''All'' of them.
:'''Mao''': ''Lelouch! [starts up his chainsaw again] Face me! [charges towards the screen and starts slashing at it]'' Lelouch! Come here! Come here so I can look into your mind! I'll see the truth! I'll see what a liar you are! ''Liar!''
:'''Lelouch''': Mao. ''You've lost.''
:'''Mao''': What are you talking about?! ''[turns off his chainsaw]'' I don't care! I'm going to be with C.C.!

=== ''Nunnally Held Hostage'' ===

:''[Rivalz interrupts a conversation between Lelouch and Suzaku by charging in on his motorcycle]]''
:'''Rivalz''': Hey, Lelouch! ''[gets off his motorcycle]'' 
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': What's wrong?
:'''Rivalz''': I heard the President's doing a blind date thing again!
:'''Lelouch''': Yeah, today.
:'''Rivalz''': ''Today?! [grabs Lelouch by the collar]'' Why didn't you tell me about it?!
:'''Lelouch''': Because it'd make you cry.
:'''Rivalz''': Boys don't cry!
:'''Suzaku''': It's okay. I didn't know about it either.
:'''Rivalz''': ''[lets go of Lelouch and turns towards Suzaku]'' Don't give me your emo routine!
:'''Suzaku''': Emo?
:'''Lelouch''': I guess compassion is not in fashion these days.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mao's plan to blow up Nunnally has been thwarted by Lelouch and Suzaku's combined efforts]''
:'''Lelouch''': Hmph.
:'''Mao''': You think you've beat me, huh?!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[grabs Mao]'' Stop it!
:'''Mao''': Get your hands off of me, father-killer!
:''[Suzaku is paralyzed in shock]''
:'''Mao''': You killed your father seven years ago. Heh. He called for do-or-die resistance, and you thought stopping him would end the war. What a childish idea. The fact is, ''you're a murderer!''
:'''Suzaku''': That's not true! I just-- I--
:'''Mao''': How lucky for you that no one ever found out. All the adults lied to protect you.
:'''Lelouch''': But all the reports said his suicide was a protest against the military actions.
:'''Mao''': A big, fat lie, all of it!
:'''Lelouch''': A lie?
:'''Suzaku''': I didn't have any choice! If I didn't, Japan would have--
:'''Mao''': ''That's'' how you justify it in retrospect? Well, it explains your ''death wish!'' ''[Suzaku gasps]'' You want to save people's lives? It's your own wretched soul you're trying to save! That's why you're always charging into danger, placing yourself on the edge of death!
:''[Suzaku falls to his knees and wails in anguish]''
:'''Mao''': You're no hero! You're just trying to wash the blood off your hands! A little brat begging to be punished!
:'''Lelouch''': '''MAO!!!''' ''[activates Geass]'' '''NEVER SPEAK AGAIN!!!'''
:'''Mao''': What-- No!
:''[Mao is overcome by Lelouch's command and is reduced to unintelligible babbling; Lelouch charges towards Mao and attempts to punch him, only to miss as Mao starts walking away]''
:'''Lelouch''': Mao!
:''[Mao exits the church and catches sight of C.C. standing in the courtyard]''
:'''C.C.''': I ''did'' love you, Mao.
:''[Mao babbles as he walks towards C.C.]''
:'''C.C.''': Mao, I want you to go and wait for me…in C's World. ''[puts a silenced pistol to Mao's neck and fires, killing him]''
:''[Mao's corpse drops to the ground right before the church doors close; Lelouch looks back at a catatonic Suzaku]''
:'''Suzaku''': I just… I just…

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Nunnally''': [''after touching the cheek of a crying Suzaku''] My mom told me that human contact is the best cure for teary eyes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''C.C.''': ''[Narrating]'' In this world, evil can arise from the best intentions. And there is good that can come from evil intentions. How then should Lelouch's actions be taken? Every man has his day of judgement, does he not? Geass: He who uses this inhuman power will find his heart isolated; whether he wants it that way or not. Thus he plummets into the abyss that lies good and evil. But if a man can climb out of that abyss and into the light, then that man has the soul of a king.

=== ''Knight'' ===

:''[Tamaki is overseeing maintenance of the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Tamaki''': Look, just stuff 'em in and close the lid, for crying out loud! It's almost time to move out!
:'''Rakshata Chawla''': Take your time and treat it with the utmost care!
:''[Tamaki and the maintenance crew turn to look at the newly-arrived Rakshata]''
:'''Rakshata''': It was far more fragile than any of ''you'' when I gave birth to it!
:'''Tamaki''': Huh? Who the hell are you?!
:'''Rakshata''': I am its mother.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Kyōshiro Tohdoh''': [''speaking to Suzaku''] Win or lose, you'll gain nothing if you don't give your all!  That's true of both men and nations!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[After an explosion happens in the prison.]''
:'''Lloyd''': Good, now we're free of all this hellish paperwork.

=== ''I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi'' ===

:'''Diethard''': There is no such thing as objective information, Zero.  Journalism is, after all, a human creation.

=== ''Island of the Gods'' ===

:'''Diethard''': At times the life of a single man is worth more than that of a million, I thought that'd be common sense to a soldier.
:'''Tohdoh''': You dare say that here?
:'''Ohgi''': Easy guys.
:'''C.C.''': Oh, alright, then I'll tell you, he's very much alive.
:'''Tohdoh''': We have no time for your wishful thinking.
:'''C.C.''': The information's true. I simply know it.
:'''Tamaki''': Oh, you're an oracle now? I told you to shut your trap and to get some training on a Knightmare, you dumbass!
:'''C.C.''': Dumbass? Oh really? It's been ages since anyone's dared to refer to me in such a rude manner.
:'''Tamaki''': Like Zero's mistress has any right to get uppity with us.
:'''C.C.''': I said you were wrong, you are a man who only has vulgar ideas.

=== ''War at Kyushu'' ===

:'''Zero''': [''speaking to the Black Knights''] Change will never come about it you don't make it happen!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': [''speaking to Suzaku''] I order you to love me!...And in return, I will love forever! Suzaku, I love your stubbornness, and your kindness and your strength! Your sad eyes, your clumsiness, and the way you have trouble with cats!

=== ''Declaration at the School Festival '' ===

:''[Cécile is playing human whack-a-mole with an inflatable mallet at the student festival]''
:'''Cécile''': ''[giggles]'' School festivals are such fun! I feel so free! ''[giggles again]''
:'''Britannian soldier #1''': That one she keeps whacking, doesn't he look like Lloyd?
:'''Britannian soldier #2''': No great wonder. Working under that guy must really drive her out of her mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': I have a very special announcement. I am Euphemia, Sub-Viceroy of Area 11 of the Holy Britannian Empire. There is something of great consequence that I wish to tell you all today. I, Euphemia li Britannia, hereby declare the formation of the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan in the area surrounding Mt. Fuji.
:'''Lelouch''': What?! Britannia has-?!
:'''Suzaku''': They're recognizing... Japan?!
:'''Diethard''': DAMN IT! I never thought of this game! Even though it's only in a limited area!
:'''Euphemia''': Within the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan, Elevens will be allowed to call themselves Japanese. Restrictions against Elevens and special rights for Britannians will no longer exist within this zone. It will be a place where Elevens and Britannians live side-by-side as equals.
:'''Lelouch''': (thinking) Stop this, Euphie! I already thought through every detail of that scenario, it's nothing but an empty dream!
:'''Euphemia''': Do you hear me, Zero? I don't care about your past nor who you are underneath that mask. I beg you, join us in creating the special zone of freedom.
:'''Student 1''': Join Zero?
:'''Student 2''': No way, just think about Prince Clovis!
:'''Cornelia''': (enraged) '''WHAT IS SHE DOING?!!'''
:'''Euphemia''': Zero, help me build a new future within Britannia. A place for everyone!

=== ''Bloodstained Euphie'' ===

:'''Charles''': ''[laughs maniacally]'' Yes, you're worthy of being called my child now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': ''[after Lelouch agreed with the Admninistrative Zone of Japan]'' Do you seriously think I'm going to shoot you even if you threaten me?
:'''Lelouch''': No, I don't. But no one escapes my commands. I have the power to command anyone as they forcefully obey.
:'''Euphemia''': ''[giggles]'' Stop it, Lelouch, you're being silly.
:'''Lelouch''': I'm serious. If I order you to kill me, shoot Suzaku, or even if I tell you to kill all the Japanese, you will follow me with no hesitation.
''[Lelouch's geass suddenly activated and it affected Euphemia]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[with Lelouch's geass on her]'' No... N-no, I can't... I d-don't want to kill... W-why...? I-it can't be, I can't... kill... ''[kneeled down]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[just realized he has activated his geass unknowingly to Euphemia]'' ''It can't be! I'm like Mao--I can't control my geass anymore!''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Euphy! Forget that order!
:'''Euphemia''': ''[Lelouch's geass completely devoured her]'' That's right, I must kill all Japanese.
:'''Lelouch''': No, Euphy!!
''[Euphemia picked up Lelouch's gun and ran outside towards the stadium]''
:'''Andreas Darlton''': Princess! Where's Zero?
:'''Euphemia''': ''[to all]'' To all those who call themselves Japanese, I have a favor to ask! Do you all mind dying?
''[all Elevens gasped to what Euphemia just said]''
:'''Eleven 1''': Is she insane?
:'''Eleven 2''': She must be out of her mind!
:'''Euphemia''': I want you all to just simply fall off the cliff but it's impossible, right? So I order all my fellow Britannians--kill all the Japanese!
''[Britannians hesitate]'''
:'''Darlton''': What are you saying princess? Please stop this nonsense and-- ''[Euphemia shoots him]''
:'''Euphemia''': I'm sorry, but I must do this. I must kill all Japanese. Go ahead, Britannian Soldiers! Hurry and kill every Japanese here!
''[Zero arrives in the stadium, attempting to stop Euphemia]''
:'''Zero''': Euphy! Stop this! ''[Britannian guards blocked Zero]'' No, get out of my way... ''[activated his geass]'' GET OUT!
''[commotion has stopped when Euphemia shoots an Eleven]''
:'''Euphemia''': See? We need to kill all Japanese. So what are you waiting for? Kill them and don't let a single one alive!
''[Britannians and Knightmare Frames all obey Euphemia's order. They began to shoot each and every Japanese in sight.]''
''[Zero tried to stop Euphemia, but finds it imposssible]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': [''speaking to Euphemia''] People are more susceptible to miracles than logic.

=== ''At Least with Sorrow'' ===

:'''Euphemia''': I, Euphemia li Britannia, bid all of you within the sound of my voice to heed the following command: '''Seek out any Japanese you can find and please kill them. Leave not a single one of them alive.'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tamaki attacks a Britannian official in the aftermath of Euphemia's massacre]''
:'''Tamaki''': Equality?! You can shove that straight up your administrative ass! You lured us into a death trap! You just made the biggest mistake of your lives, you got that?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has found a Britannian Gloucester, which is now shooting panicking Japanese.]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[inside the'' Guren ''Mk-II]'' Damn Britannian! Stop what you're doing!
:''[Kallen releases a few missiles, which leaves the Gloucester unarmed.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[who is the pilot in the unarmed Knightmare]'' How rude of you! I'm Euphemia li Britannia, the 3rd Princess of the Imperial Palace!
:'''Kallen''': Ah, so this is where you're hiding, Puppet Princess.
:'''Euphemia''': Oh, you're the one from Kamine Island!
:'''Kallen''': Why the heck did you fool us?! You just killed a hundred Elevens! Don't you feel any awe or conscience?!
:'''Euphemia''': I must kill all the Japanese...
:'''Kallen''': So, that really is it. Fine, I'll finish you now. Any last words?
:''[As the'' Guren ''Mk-II closely aims at Euphemia, Zero and C.C. arrive in the Gawain.]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Kallen! I shall be handling the princess on my own.
:'''Kallen''': Do you want her alive?
:'''Lelouch''': I believe that would be unnecessary anymore.
:''[The Gawain swiftly destroys Euphemia's Gloucester, reducing it to a pile of scrap.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[gets out of the Gloucester and looks around for a gun]'' Kill the Japanese! I must kill... Hurry, hurry! ''[She finds a gun and shoots the Gawain in defiant panic. The gun runs out of bullets, so Euphemia looks for extra rounds. As she finds some, Zero gets down from his Knightmare.]''
:'''Euphemia''': Oh, I thought you were Japanese! Say, Zero, would you like to join me build the Special Administrative Zone of Japan... ''[realized she's talking different]'' Um... Japan...?
:'''Lelouch''': I would have liked to, Euphemia... together. ''[He pulls out his gun and aims it at Euphemia.]''
:''[At that moment, Suzaku in the Lancelot catches sight of Euphemia.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[breathes a sigh of relief]'' Euphie...
:''[Zero suddenly shoots Euphemia, the bullet piercing her stomach. Suzaku gasps in horror.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[dumbstruck as she stars to fall down in slow-motion]'' Lelouch... Why...?
:'''Lelouch''': Farewell, Euphie... you may have been the first girl I ever loved.
:''[Euphemia hits the ground and lays still. A moment of silence persists before...]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[enraged and anguished]'' '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!'''''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[surprised]'' Suzaku?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': Before creation there must be destruction.  If my soul stands in the way, then I'll toss it aside.  Yes, I have no choice but to move forward.

=== ''The Collapsing Stage'' ===

:'''Suzaku''': When I find you, Zero, I'm going to '''KILL YOU!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Viletta is sneaking through the ruins of the Tokyo Settlement]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[thinking]'' The power to control people and erase their memories. When you think about it, it makes sense and explains everything that's happened till now. And as a result of its aftereffects, I fell in love with a damned Eleven!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Suzaku has just defeated Kallen in Knightmare Frame combat]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Tell me, where is Zero?!''
:'''Kallen''': ''[nonchalant]'' You know, I really hate pushy guys.
:'''Suzaku''': Okay. Then die here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Suzaku has just blundered into a trap laid for him by Lelouch, C.C., Sayoko, and Rakshata]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Zero!'' You deceive the people who trust you to the very end! ''You betrayer!''
:'''Lelouch''': Hmph. I've no time to argue which of us is the bigger hypocrite. Farewell, Suzaku Kururugi.
:'''Suzaku''': ''Damn you!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch and C.C. have arrived at the Britannian Government Bureau, where Cornelia is waiting for them]''
:'''Cornelia''': Welcome, Zero! I figured you would show up here as soon as you heard about the air raid. Now…join us for your welcome soirée. Care for a dance?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ohgi is meeting with Viletta in private]''
:'''Ohgi''': Chigusa, why did you come to this battlefield? We need to find someplace safe for you. Stay with me for now.
:''[Viletta backs away from Ohgi when he tries to get close to her]''
:'''Ohgi''': Look, I'm sorry I hid this from you, but everything I'm doing is for the sake of peace! If Zero succeeds in freeing Japan from Britannia, then we can finally be together!
:'''Viletta''': Oh, stop before I puke!
:''[Viletta grabs Ohgi's pistol from his jacket pocket and presses the barrel to his back]''
:'''Viletta''': Me together with an Eleven like you? What a horrible thought. ''[scoffs]'' My name is Viletta Nu, and I am a knight of honor of Britannia.
:''[Ohgi turns to face Viletta, then gets shot in the stomach]''
:'''Ohgi''': ''[falls to his knees]'' So I see, Chigusa… You've gotten your memory back… ''[groans, then falls to the floor]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[two Black Knights searching for Viletta in the'' Ganymede ''hangar at Ashford Academy are startled when the'' Ganymede'', rigged with a primitive nuclear bomb, activates]''
:'''Nina''': Zero, Princess Euphemia…
:''[cut to the Britannian Government Bureau, where Cornelia is fighting Lelouch and C.C.]''
:'''Cornelia''': '''''…WILL BE AVENGED!!!'''''
:''[the Gawain misses an attack on Cornelia's'' Gloucester'', which counters by charging with its lance]''
:'''Cornelia''': ''What's wrong, Zero?!''
:''[Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''strafes the'' Gawain ''with its machine gun as Lelouch desperately types away at the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s controls]''
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': The specs on this thing are far superior to hers!
:''[the'' Gawain ''attempts to take off, only to get snagged by the'' Gloucester''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s Slash Harkens; the'' Gloucester ''now attempts to latch onto the larger Knightmare]''
:'''Cornelia''': You're just a ''weakling!'' I have you! I have you right where I want you! Your life is now in ''my hands!''
:'''Lelouch''': ''Cornelia!''
:''[Cornelia readies the final blow]''
:'''Cornelia''': ''This is your judgment!''
:''[out of nowhere, Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''gets impaled by a Knightmare lance]''
:'''Darlton''': ''[via radio]'' Princess, it's me, Darlton.
:'''Cornelia''': ''[gasps, dumbstruck by Darlton's treachery]'' Why? Darlton, why?
:'''Darlton''': Don't be afraid. I haven't come to kill you, milady.
:'''Lelouch''': Well, he made it.
:'''Darlton''': I've come to deliver you to Zero, Your Highness.
:''[Darlton suddenly relents as the Geass command placed on him wears off and he sees Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''plummeting to the ground]''
:'''Darlton''': What have I done?! Why, Princess?!
:''[Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''smashes on the ground]''
:'''Lelouch''': Thank you, ''Darlton.''
:''[Lelouch repays Darlton for his service by firing on his'' Gloucester ''with the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hadron cannons]''
:'''Darlton''': ''[as his Gloucester is exploding]'' '''PRINCESS!!!'''

''(Nunnally is sitting in the student council room where she hears a door open)''
:'''Nunnally''': Hello, oh who's there? Is that you C.C.?
''(V.V. appears)''
:'''V.V.''': No, it's not.
:'''Nunnally''': Hm? but-
:'''V.V.''': Nunnally, I've come to take you with me.

=== ''Zero'' ===

:''[Lelouch arrives where Princess Cornelia is badly injured]''
:'''Cornelia''': So, you were Zero... The entire time. Darlton was right, he said it was someone with a grudge against the Britannian Imperial Family. You... You did this.. For Nunnally?
:'''Lelouch''': Correct. I will demolish the present world and build a new and better one in its place.
:'''Cornelia''': You killed them all for the sake of that madness?! Clovis?! Even Euphie?!
:'''Lelouch''': You're one to talk, my dear sister. Considering how you idolized my mother, Marianne the Flash.
:'''Cornelia''': It would seem that talking with you further... would approve to be utterly pointless.
:'''Lelouch''': Indeed? Well then, Lelouch vi Britannia orders you to answer him.
:''[''Lelouch used his Geass on Cornelia]''
:'''Cornelia''': Go on.
:'''Lelouch''': Sister, are you the one who killed my mother?
:'''Cornelia''': I'm not.
:'''Lelouch''': Then who was it?
:'''Cornelia''': I don't know.
:'''Lelouch''': But you were put in charge of her personal guard, were you not?
:'''Cornelia''': Yes.
:'''Lelouch''': Then why did you withdraw her escort?
:'''Cornelia''': I was asked to.
:'''Lelouch''': By who?
:'''Cornelia''': Lady Marianne.
:'''Lelouch''': Mother did... That's impossible! My mother knew she will be attacked that day?! No, that can't! She did. She would've got us out of there! What really happened back then?! Who killed her?! Who killed my mother, damn it?!
:''[Cornelia doesn't answer]''
:'''Lelouch''': You don't know the truth?! Then who does?! Someone must know, you yourself investigated of what occurred that day! 
:'''Cornelia''': I remembered His Majesty, the emperor, ordered Schneizel to transport the body out of there.
:'''Lelouch''': The body? You mean there are others? Then what was in that coffin?
:'''C.C.''': Hey! Get back in here!
:'''Lelouch''': I know, the Government Bureau Defense Forces will be here soon.
:'''C.C.''': No! Your little sister's been kidnapped!
:'''Lelouch''': Hmm? C.C., this is not the time for jokes. We'll take Cornelia back to the command center as our hostage.
:'''C.C.''': She's been taken!  I just know because she's the reason you live! She's on Kamine Island!
:'''Lelouch''': Kamine Island? 
:''[Lelouch is preparing to take Cornelia prisoner and leave with C.C. when Jeremiah barges in with the Siegfried]''
:'''Jeremiah''': '''''ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!!!''''' Mister Zero, can it really be?! ''What?!'' Oh, what luck, what fate, what evil fortune!
:'''Lelouch''': Is that you, Orange Boy?!
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[stammers]'' Oh, I beseech you! ''I'm begging you, please die.''
:'''Lelouch''': Get Cornelia!
:'''C.C.''': I'm already on it!
:'''Jeremiah''': Zero! I…must rid the world of the Empire's enemies! Yes, and so…'''''ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lloyd and Cécile are on board the'' Avalon''; Cécile is suiting up for deployment in her own Knightmare Frame]''
:'''Cécile''': Why did you try to stop Suzaku?
:'''Lloyd''': I'm a military contractor.
:'''Cécile''': You didn't want him killed, did you?
:'''Lloyd''': Why should I care? You know as well as I do. The biggest human flaw is that we're so pitifully fragile in our bodies, our hearts, and our relationships with each other.
:'''Cécile''': ''[puts on her earpiece]'' Nevertheless, you can't bend the world or people any which way you want.
:'''Lloyd''': I want every part in my mechanisms to function exactly as I wish. If we lose Kururugi, we'll just have to find another devicer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jeremiah has tracked Lelouch and C.C. to Kamine Island and is engaging them with the'' Siegfried'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Zero, it is I! Repent is now!
:'''Lelouch''': Stubborn ass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jeremiah has hit the'' Gawain ''twice and is readying the'' Siegfried ''for the finishing blow]''
:'''Jeremiah''': It's time for my ''wonderful vindication!''
:''[Lelouch fires the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hadron cannons at the ocean surface, generating a massive plume of water]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Insidious isolation impudence!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Zero's absence, the Britannian forces have managed to rally and push back the Black Knights]''
:'''Claudio Darlton''': Hold your ground! Victory's within our reach! Be strong!
:'''Nagisa Chiba''': Damn it, we can't hold out!
:'''Shōgo Asahina''': Enemy reinforcements will be here soon!
:'''Kento Sugiyama''': What should we do?!
:''[Sugiyama watches Inoue's'' Burai ''get shot and explode, killing her]''
:'''Sugiyama''': Inoue? Ugh, where the hell is he?! ''[fires the machine gun of his'' Burai ''into the air in vain] Zero!''
:'''Gilbert G.P. Guilford''': All forces, charge! We'll smash these filthy rebels with one blow!
:''[Tohdoh's custom'' Gekka ''attempts to slice through the Britannian offensive]''
:'''Tohdoh''': Fight to your last breath! Stop at nothing! Because if they break through here, our forces will collapse completely!
:''[meanwhile, Diethard's forces have been forced to retreat to Ashford Academy]''
:'''Diethard''': ''[thinking]'' It's not that Tohdoh isn't a brilliant military leader. He simply lacks the incredible charisma that Zero possesses. We need him! He can't run out on us, not now!
:''[Kaguya has been left to look after the G-1 on the outskirts of the Tokyo Settlement]''
:'''Kaguya''': ''[thinking]'' Oh, Zero, have you really abandoned us? Have you abandoned Japan?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': That trap at the entrance was designed to buy them time. Was I their intended target? Or was it C.C.? No matter. The first thing to do is to make sure Nunnally is alright.
:''[Lelouch walks to the door and puts his hands on it. Suddenly, someone shoots it. Suzaku has arrived, holding a gun.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Turn and face me. Very slowly.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' ''Damn it! Why now?''
:'''Suzaku''': Didn't you hear me, Zero? I said, &quot;Turn and face me. Very slowly.&quot;
:'''Lelouch''': Euphemia randomly murdered throngs of innocent Japanese people. You fight for a woman like th--?
:'''Suzaku''': Your Geass power is quite convenient, isn't it?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Suzaku''': You get to hide in the shadows while others take all the blame for doing ''your'' dirty work. You're just an arrogant coward. That's your true nature, the real you. Kallen!
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasps, shown to be behind Suzaku, hidden until now]''
:'''Suzaku''': Do you want to know Zero's true identity, too?
:'''Kallen''': What are you saying?
:'''Suzaku''': You have a right to bear witness. ''[raises his gun]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasp]'' No! Wait!
:''[Suzaku fires a bullet into Lelouch's helmet. The bullet ricochets off the mask, cracking it perfectly in half. The halves clatter to the floor as Suzaku and Kallen now see the identity of Zero. A long pause follows as a slight trickle of blood comes from Lelouch's forehead.]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[voice shaking]'' But how...?! ''[falls to her knees]'' How could you?!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[solemnly, lowering his gun]'' I didn't want it... to be ''you''.
:'''Kallen''': ''[still in shock]'' L-Lelouch is...
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, I am Zero, the man who leads the Black Knights, who challenges the Holy Britannian Empire, the one who holds the entire world in his hand.
:'''Kallen''': You used us, the Japanese people? You used ''me''?
:'''Lelouch''': And, as a result, Japan will be freed. You certainly can't complain about that.
:''[Kallen sheds a tear, still shocked and feeling betrayed.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[subtly infuriated]'' I should have arrested you while I had the chance.
:'''Lelouch''': You knew it was me?
:'''Suzaku''': I wasn't sure at first, so I convinced myself that it wasn't true. But I really wanted to believe in you. But you were lying to us, to ''me.'' Your sister, Euphie. And ''Nunnally.''
:''[Kallen stands and stumbles while Lelouch speaks.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, and now, Nunnally's been kidnapped.
:''[Suzaku reacts in surprise to this news, looking concerned all of a sudden.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Please, Suzaku, can't we call a temporary truce? I need your help! Together we'll be able to save Nunnally. There's nothing in the world that you and I ''can't'' do together.
:''[Kallen is shaking, still in shock. Meanwhile, Suzaku regains his composure, becoming furious.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[angrily]'' I'm done with that! Had you only joined up with Euphie first, we wouldn't be here! If you and she had combined forces, things would be different! The world could have been--!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[cutting Suzaku off]'' That's all in the past! Over and done with.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[shocked by Lelouch's cold tone]'' Past?!
:'''Lelouch''': You killed your own father, didn't you?! Wallow in remorse when you have time for it!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[shouting]'' '''''No!''''' You're ''hopeless!''
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Suzaku''': I know you! In the very end, you'd betray the entire world, the way it's betrayed you! I'm not going to let your sick, twisted dream be realized!
:'''Lelouch''': You fool! You think ideals alone can change the world?! Fine! Then go right ahead and SHOOT ME! Come on! ''[Attaches a sakuradite bomb to his chest]'' Set your aim on this liquid sakuradite!
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasps loudly]''
:'''Lelouch''': If my heart stops, this vial will explode, and you'll both die with me.
:'''Suzaku''': Damn you!
:'''Lelouch''': Listen, I'll make a deal with you. I want to know who told you about Geass. Did they abduct Nunnally?
:'''Suzaku''': ''[fully enraged]'' NOTHING THAT HAPPENS NOW IS ''ANY'' OF YOUR CONCERN!
:''[Lelouch's emotional state visibly deteriorates as Suzaku rails on.]''
:'''Suzaku:''' YOUR VERY EXISTENCE IS A MISTAKE! YOU NEED TO BE ERASED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH!! ''I'LL'' TAKE CARE OF NUNNALLY!!
:''[Lelouch finally snaps and withdraws his own gun in a rage!]''
:'''Lelouch''': '''''SUZAKU!!!''''' ''[aims his gun at Suzaku]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[voice echoing]'' '''''LELOOOOOOOOOUCH!!!''''' ''[aims back]''
:''[A gunshot rings out.]''

== Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2 ==

=== ''The Day a Demon Awakens'' ===

:'''Kōsetsu Urabe''': We're the only ones left now. This is all that remains of the Black Knights, who, along with Zero, once struck terror in the heart of Britannia. Still, it's too soon to give into despair. If Operation Flying Swallow Four is successful, then…
:'''Black Knights''': Yes.
:'''Urabe''': Forgive me. Here's to you.
:''[Urabe and the other Black Knights drink from saucers of sake]''
:'''Urabe''': ''[raises his saucer into the air]'' To victory! ''Long live Japan! [drops his saucer to the floor]''
:'''Black Knights''': ''[drop their saucers to the floor] Long live Japan!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tamaki, Chiba, Ohgi, and Tohdoh have been imprisoned for their involvement with the Black Knights; Tamaki has just been assaulted by two Britannian prison guards]''
:'''Tamaki''': ''[growls as he gets back up]'' If Zero was here, you wouldn't be acting so tough!
:'''Chiba''': Do me a favor! Don't say that traitor's name again!
:'''Tamaki''': Hey, Zero didn't betray us!
:'''Britannian prison guard''': Shut up, you stinking Eleven! ''[hits Tamaki with the butt of his rifle]''
:'''Ohgi''': There has to be a reason for what he did.
:'''Chiba''': What reason?! Why'd the commander vanish during the final decisive battle like that?!
:'''Tohdoh''': Stop it! It serves no purpose. Zero's dead, after all.
:'''Ohgi''': ''[gasps]'' He's dead?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Li Xingke, part of the Chinese Federation diplomatic party to Area 11, is accosted by two Britannian security guards]''
:'''Britannian security guard #1''': May we have what you're carrying, sir?
:'''Britannian security guard #2''': Our security is perfect. You don't need to carry that antique weapon here.
:''[Xingke unsheathes his sword, slashes at the two guards, and sheathes back his sword in one stroke; the guards are unharmed, but their severed belts then drop to the ground]''
:'''Gao Hai''': Xingke! That was rude of you!
:'''[[w:Li Xingke|Li Xingke]]''': Please forgive me. But I hoped it would offer you and the other Britannians a better understanding of the Chinese Federation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has regained his memories and the use of his Geass and is confronting the black-ops forces sent to kill him and C.C.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Before you dispose of me, I'd like you to answer a question.
:''[both Lelouch and C.C. stand to face the black-ops soldiers]''
:'''Britannian black-ops soldier #1''': That girl's still alive!
:'''Britannian black-ops soldier #2''': Impossible! She was shot through the heart!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[starts walking towards the Britannian black-ops soldiers]'' If being powerless is so terribly wrong, then does having power make you right? Do you find vengeance evil? What's your value of friendship? Is it justice?
:'''Britannian intelligence officer''': There's no justice or evil. The only truth that's left for you, bait, is the simple reality of death.
:'''Lelouch''': I see. Then that reality is all that remains for you as well. I, Lelouch vi Britannia, commands you. All of you: ''Die!''
:'''Britannian intelligence officer''': It-- It can't be!
:''[the entire Britannian black-ops force is overcome by Lelouch's Geass]''
:'''Britannian black-ops soldiers''': ''[in unison] Yes, Your Highness!''
:''[the black-ops soldiers all point their rifles and pistols at each other, while the intelligence officer puts his pistol to his neck as he laughs madly; Lelouch looks on as the soldiers all commit suicide]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' Ever since that day, my heart simply couldn't accept it. This fake life I was never able to fit into, all the time that was lost, these false memories planted in me, giving me a life as one of the herd, and yet…the truth continues to guide me toward itself. That's right! It wasn't me who was wrong! ''It was the world!''
:''[the'' Guren ''Mk-II and Urabe's'' Gekka ''smash through the room and land before Lelouch, facing him]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[aloud]'' The world has to change, so ''I'' will change it.
:'''Urabe''': ''[via his'' Gekka''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s loudspeakers]'' We've been waiting for you, Master Zero. Please, give us your orders.
:'''Lelouch''': Very well! Because, after all, ''I'' am Zero, the one who will crush the world…and the one who will recreate the world anew!

=== ''Plan For Independent Japan'' ===

:''[a lone'' Sutherland ''encounters Lelouch at the massacre site of the Britannian black-ops soldiers]''
:'''Britannian pilot''': What are you doing there? That's a student uniform, isn't it?
:'''Lelouch''': Oh! You're a soldier! Thank goodness! We need to help this man at once!
:''[the'' Sutherland ''pilot sees Lelouch kneeling next to the dead Britannian intelligence officer]''
:'''Britannian pilot''': Office of Secret Intelligence? What are the emperor's personal agents doing here?
:''[the'' Sutherland ''pilot deactivates his Knightmare and disembarks]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' Good. These reports are accurate. Calares's forces don't know about me, so I can use the data in this journal.
:'''Britannian pilot''': There's only one survivor?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[aloud]'' Yes. Just you.
:'''Britannian pilot''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[gets up]'' That's right. ''[uncovers his left eye, revealing his permanently active Geass]'' Now: Give me your Knightmare.
:'''Britannian pilot''': ''[is overcome by Geass]'' I understand. The ID code is QR5YK1D6. ''[gives his key to Lelouch]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[takes the key]'' Thank you.
:''[C.C. emerges from her hiding spot behind a nonfunctional'' Sutherland'']''
:'''C.C.''': Even though you need direct eye contact, are those theatrics necessary?
:'''Lelouch''': I don't need comments from an immortal witch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen, in the'' Guren ''Mk-II, ambushes a Britannian'' Sutherland'']''
:'''Kallen''': Let me see you burst, Britannian!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Emperor Charles has introduced Suzaku to the'' Sword of Akasha'']''
:'''Suzaku''': This place… Is it a shrine?
:'''Charles''': No, it's not. This is… This is a weapon for destroying God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has just appeared before Lelouch and is pointing a gun at him]''
:'''Lelouch''': You who abandoned Zero at Kamine Island, what do you want to tell me?
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch. You were deceiving me right from the very beginning.
:'''Lelouch''': About Zero being your classmate, or about my Geass power? Which one has offended you?
:'''Kallen''': Both of them. Tell me this: Did you use your Geass on me like you did the others? Did you twist my mind and my heart and make me follow you? ''[Lelouch laughs derisively]'' Lelouch!
:'''Lelouch''': Your mind and your heart are yours alone, as was your loyalty and admiration for Zero.
:''[Lelouch starts walking towards Kallen]''
:'''Kallen''': Don't move!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[continues approaching Kallen]'' Kallen, you should be proud of what you did. You decided. You made the choice. You chose… ''[takes Kallen's gun away from her]'' …Zero. ''[Kallen backs away from Lelouch]'' You don't believe me?
:'''Kallen''': ''[hesitating]'' I wanted to believe, so much that I'd become a slave.
:'''Lelouch''': I see.
:'''Kallen''': But… ''[regains her composure]'' …The one I believe in is Zero! Just him! It's not you, Lelouch!
:'''Lelouch''': Well, fine with me. ''[notes Kallen's [[w:Playboy Bunny|Playboy Bunny]] attire and the Knightmare Frame key stuck in her cleavage]'' By the way, are you ever going to change out of those clothes?
:''[Kallen, taken by surprise, turns away from Lelouch and tries to cover her breasts]''
:'''Kallen''': Don't look at me, you pervert!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[playfully]'' Oh, is that the way you talk to Zero now?
:'''Kallen''': ''[indignant]'' I'm saying it to ''you'', Lelouch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Knights of the Round are watching Zero's broadcast]''
:'''Gino Weinberg''': Come on, Zero's dead, isn't he?
:'''Suzaku''': Yes.
:'''Gino''': So, this guy's a fake. And whoever he is, if we just go over there and storm the consulate…
:'''Suzaku''': Then we'd be breaking our treaty with them, risking an international incident.
:'''Gino''': He's saying that he's Zero, and Zero killed our royals. That gives this equal status with the E.U. war.
:'''Anya Alstreim''': It's a slippery slope either way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Zero has just declared that the room of the Chinese Federation consulate he's in will be the first dominion of the reformed United States of Japan]''
:'''Rakshata''': ''[laughs hysterically]'' A nation consisting of just one room? That man's as amusing as ever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Xingke is greeted by the'' Vincent ''at the entrance of the Chinese Federation consulate]''
:'''Xingke''': If you are Britannian, you have already been asked to leave. Or, are you one of Zero's followers?
:''[Rolo, the pilot of the'' Vincent'', emerges from its cockpit]''
:'''[[w:Rolo Lamperouge|Rolo Lamperouge]]''': I'm not sure. Which am I?
:'''Xingke''': I'm not terribly fond of riddles.
:'''Rolo''': Yes. I'm exactly the same way myself. What I want to know is the truth. That's why I came here to kill Zero.

:(''Inside the Britannian throne room'')
:'''Lelouch''': He brought me before the Britannian emperor.
:'''Charles''': The former seventeenth heir to the imperial throne, Lelouch vi Britannia. It been a long time, hasn't it, my errant son?
:'''Lelouch''': How dare you!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[to Lelouch]'' You won't use your Geass. ''[to the emperor]'' Your Majesty, I have a request. Please, sire, allow me to join the Knights of the Round, the twelve strongest knights of the Britannian Empire.
:'''Charles''': As a reward for capturing Zero, is that it?
:'''Lelouch''': You!
:'''Suzaku''': I told you before, Lelouch, that I was going to change this world from the inside.
:'''Lelouch''': Even if it means selling out your friends?!
:'''Suzaku''': That's right.
:'''Charles''': Very well, I like the answer you just gave him.
:(''Charles rising from the throne'')
:'''Charles''': Now, then. As a Knight of the Round, I order you: Cover up Zero's left eye.
:(''Suzaku lifts up Lelouch's head and covers his left eye'')
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, Your Majesty.
:'''Charles''': My unworthy son, who raised the banner of rebellion, although he was a prince. Still, there's another way we can make use of him.
:'''Lelouch''': What?!
:(''Charles' Geass activates as two Geass sigils light up in both of his eyes'')
:'''Charles''': I will rewrite your memory, about being Zero, about the death of your mother, about the very existence of Nunnally.
:'''Lelouch''': No, Geass?!
:'''Charles''': You'll remember none of it, you'll just be insignificant.
:'''Lelouch''': No, stop! You're stealing of what's most precious to me again! First my mother and now you're taking Nunnally!
:'''Charles''': Charles zi Britannia engraves into you...
:'''Lelouch''': Stop it!
:'''Charles''': ...false memories of a false life!
:(''Lelouch screams as his father's Geass enter his mind and alter his memories'')
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': '''AHHHHHHHHH!!!!'''

=== ''Imprisoned in Campus'' ===

:''[Kallen has just found out that Lelouch has swapped places with C.C. so he can escape back to Ashford Academy]''
:'''C.C.''': What's the matter?
:'''Kallen''': When did you two switch places?
:'''C.C.''': Before the speech.
:'''Kallen''': But I--
:'''C.C.''': His voice was re-recorded. The moment &quot;he&quot; appeared, it was already me, just like in a magic show.
:'''Kallen''': ''[angry]'' You planned it on your own. We don't like it when you keep secrets from us.
:'''C.C.''': &quot;We&quot; don't like it? You mean, ''you'' don't like it, do you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has just come back from the showers and is barging in on a meeting between C.C., Gao Hai, and Xingke]''
:'''Kallen''': C.C.! I was just thinking, wouldn't it have made more sense for you to have played the bunny girl?!
:''[Kallen realizes just what she's gotten herself into, then starts shrieking hysterically before running behind an opaque glass divider]''
:'''Gao Hai''': Zero is...a girl?!
:'''C.C.''': Correct.
:'''Kallen''': ''[ducks out from behind the divider] I'M NOT ZERO!''
:'''C.C.''': Oh, you let on too soon. You have no sense of humor, do you?
:'''Kallen''': Don't play around with Zero!
:'''C.C.''': ''[as Kallen's towel starts slipping]'' We can see you.
:''[Kallen shrieks again as she puts her towel back on and ducks behind the divider once more]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shirley and Lelouch are out shopping for a birthday present for Viletta Nu]''
:'''Shirley''': ''[thinking]'' Is this...a date? If it's not...I'll make it one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch's attempt to ambush Rolo at Ashford Academy has backfired]''
:'''Rolo''': Lelouch, now you and your demonic eye...will die.

''(Guilford is at a Britannian territory where the Black Knights are about to be executed)''
:'''Guilford''': Zero, can you hear me?! Listen closely, I am Lord Gilbert G.P. Guilford, Knight of Her Royal Highness, Cornelia li Britannia! Beginning tomorrow at 1500 hours, these 256 special Class-A felons, who are guilty of treason against the Empire, will all be executed for their crimes! Zero, if you value the lives of your people, then you will face me one on one in a honorable duel!

=== ''Counterattack at the Gallows'' ===

:''[Rolo reflects on how many people he's murdered over the years]''
:'''Rolo''': ''[thinking]'' That's right. I can't remember how many people I've killed. Nobody counts the number of times they brush their teeth or eat a meal. Same with this. My Geass is suited to assassination. That's what I was told. So, I kill. There was no other place for me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[two Office of Secret Intelligence officers are complaining to Viletta about Rolo's conduct]''
:'''OSI officer #1''': Unacceptable! Did this kid kill Bruno in cold blood or not?!
:'''OSI officer #2''': And he was the fifth one!
:'''OSI officer #1''': All Victor did was touch the kid's locket, and the next thing--
:'''Viletta''': Victor had his own personality problems.
:'''OSI officer #1''': ''[slams his fist on the table]'' You don't kill a man because of that!
:'''OSI officer #2''': Now that there's this guy claiming to be Zero, we have to get our priorities straight and pull the team together.
:'''OSI officer #1''': That's exactly right, and I'm not teaming up with a freaking angel of death.
:''[Rolo has been overhearing the conversation the entire time]''
:'''Rolo''': ''[thinking]'' Team? The mission is what's important, isn't it? Who cares about the team?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Li Xingke is questioning Gao Hai about his dealings with Zero]''
:'''Xingke''': Why did you recognize the USJ on your own without confirmation from the Vermillion Forbidden City? Even if you are one of the High Eunuchs, that was unforgivable. Just what are you planning to use Zero for?
:'''Gao Hai''': I've no intention to use Zero for anything! Zero must be pleased in every way!
:'''Xingke''': And the empress's feelings on this?
:'''Gao Hai''': ''[increasingly petulant]'' That little wench doesn't matter! The absolute law is that Zero shall bring happiness to me!
:'''Xingke''': Simpering ''traitor!''
:''[Xingke rips Gao Hai's throat out with a knife on a string]''
:'''Xingke''': The Crimson Dynasty is dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch and Guilford are about to start their Knightmare Frame duel while C.C. and Xingke observe from the Chinese Federation consulate]''
:'''Lelouch''': I have a question for you, Lord Guilford. What do you do when there is an evil you cannot defeat by just means? Do you stain your hands with evil to destroy evil, or do you remain steadfastly just and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil?
:'''C.C.''': In either case, evil remains.
:'''Xingke''': A paradox. Is it merely wordplay?
:'''Guilford''': In the name of Cornelia, ''I choose justice! [charges at Lelouch's'' Burai ''with his'' Gloucester'']''
:'''Lelouch''': I understand. In my case, ''I commit evil to destroy the greater evil!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Kallen engages one of the Glaston Knights, Alfred Darlton, in the confusion surrounding the upheaval of the Britannian forces onto the Chinese Federation consulate grounds]''
:'''Kallen''': Britannia, you're on notice! This is Japanese territory now!
:'''Alfred''': There is no Japan!
:'''Kallen''': Oh, really?! That's why I hate Britannians!
:''[Kallen charges towards Alfred and successfully parries his lance strike, seemingly leaving herself open for a point-blank rocket barrage from his'' Gloucester'']''
:'''Alfred''': Goodbye, Eleven ace!
:''[Alfred fires his rocket pods at point-blank range, only to have the attack blunted by the'' Guren ''Mk-II's Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Alfred''': It's blocked at this close range?!
:''[Kallen clamps onto Alfred's'' Gloucester''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head with the Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Kallen''': This is the Radiant Wave Surger! The moment you came in close, my victory was assured! So long.
:''[Kallen activates the Radiant Wave Surger and fries Alfred and his'' Gloucester'']''

=== ''Knights of the Round'' ===

:''[Viletta has just been roped into dressing skimpily for a school event by the Swim Club]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[thinking]'' So help me, Shirley, you'll die a thousand deaths for this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Lelouch has pushed C.C. towards a big bucket of tomatoes]''
:'''Shirley''': Um, Lulu, are you alone?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[closes the bucket]'' Y-yeah.
:'''Shirley''': Aren't you just talking with somebody just now?
:'''Lelouch''': No, it's just you and me right now.
:'''Shirley''': ''[blushes]'' That's right... It's just Lulu and me... This may be my chance! Lulu, Do you want to... Eh?
''[saw a big mascot covering Lelouch]''
:'''Lelouch''': I-I'm sorry, Shirley... It's difficult to hear you from here! ''[to Kallen]'' What are you doing here?!
:'''Kallen''': I'm here to drag that pizza girl out!
:'''Lelouch''': She's in that big case of tomatoes. Carry the whole bucket and get it out from... WOAH!
''[Shirley strongly pulled Lelouch out from the mascot and dropped him in the ground]''
:'''Shirley''': ''[to the mascot]'' Who are you?! How dare you drag Lulu like that! Show yourself! ''[tries to pull the mascot's head away]''
:'''Kallen''': If I did, my identity will be revealed!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[recovering from his fall]'' What a disgrace...
''[Suzaku and Milly suddenly arrived]''
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch!
:'''Milly''': Have you seen Arthur?
:'''Lelouch''': No, I don't think I have...
''[a rumbling sound came from the huge bucket--it was C.C. kicking the box]''
:'''Suzaku''': Arthur must be in there!
:'''Lelouch''': Cats and tomatoes don't mix!
''[the'' Ganymede ''suddenly arrives and carries the huge bucket up]''
:'''Suzaku''': Wha--? Gino?
:'''Gino''': ''[piloting the'' Ganymede'']'' That's right, Suzaku! I'll be making the biggest pizza in the world myself! See you! ''[Gino zooms away with the tomato bucket]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, wait!! ''[runs after the'' Ganymede ''and Kallen and Shirley follows]''
:'''Gino''': Now, it's shake time! ''[shakes the bucket, drowning C.C.]''
''[Arthur found himself in front of the'' Ganymede ''and ran away]''
:'''Suzaku''': Was that... Arthur?
:'''Milly''': Oh, man, I think I'm going to rebuild the festival again.
''[Lelouch runs after the'' Ganymede'', but suddenly overtaken by Suzaku, then by Kallen, then by Shirley]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[stops and pants]'' This wasn't my kind of outfit...
:'''Milly''': ''[runs happily and overtakes Lelouch]'' Fire away!
''[Lelouch groans and pants]''

=== ''Surprise Attack Over the Pacific'' ===

:''[Anya gets the drop on Chiba and crushes her'' Gekka''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head with the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand]''
:'''Anya''': Tag. You're dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Anya tries to get Kallen to let go of the'' Mordred ''by firing a point-blank rocket barrage at the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Anya''': Dirty shoes.

=== ''The Abandoned Mask'' ===
:''[Lelouch remembers all of his friends including Nina, Kallen, Suzaku, and Nunally ]''
:'''Lelouch''': Long time ago, Nunally, Suzaku, and I talked about something. We wondered what happiness would look like if we could give it a physical form. If I'm not mistaken, I think it was Suzaku that said that the shape of happiness might resemble glass. His reasoning made sense. He said that even though you don't usually notice it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently.
(''In the Britannian Government Bureau'')
:'''Nunnally''': How do you do everyone?. I am Nunnally vi Britannia of the royal family, 87th in line to the imperial throne. Due to the unfortunate untimely loss of Duke Calares recently, I'll shall assuming the viceroyship of Area 11 in his place.

=== ''One Million Miracles'' ===

:'''C.C.''': The one time a man never lies is when he makes a vow in his own heart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Anya''': Are you some kind of masochist?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch, several Knights of the Round, and Lloyd Asplund are about to discuss the Special Administrative Zone of Japan]''  
:'''Lloyd''': Excuse me, I just wanted to ask you. Are you the same Zero as before, or are you a brand new one?  
:'''Lelouch''': Zero's truth is not based on who is within. It is the actions that measure the man.
:'''Lloyd''': A-ha, a philosopher.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch appears at the ceremonies that were for the opening of the Special Adminstrative Zone of Japan]''
:'''Lelouch''': I do not wish to be in your debt. However, I have a question. What does it mean to Japanese? A nation.
:'''Suzaku''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': It is language, territory, bloodlines?
:'''Suzaku''': No, that is not it. It is in the heart.
:'''Lelouch''':  Then we are in agreement. A feeling within, of belonging, diginity, pride, the culture is carried in the heart. You are Japanese no matter where you are.

=== ''A Bride in the Red Forbidden City'' ===

:''[Tamaki interrupts a conversation between Sugiyama, Minami, and Asahina about the Chinese Federation]''
:'''Tamaki''': Asahina, don't you know? The High Eunuchs may be guys, but they got no jewels down below!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch and Schneizel are playing chess; Lelouch decides to move his king]''
:'''Schneizel el Britannia''': It is your king.  
:'''Lelouch''': If the king does not lead, then how can he expect his subordinates to follow?
:'''Schneizel''':  Impressive strategy. In fact, I will do the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': What?! A political marriage?!
:'''Kaguya''': Yes. I've recieved an invitation to the weddding from the Sumeragi conglomerate. The bride is to be the empress, icon of the Chinese Federation. I'm her good friend and she wants me to attend.
:'''Tohdoh''': And the groom is to be the First Prince of Britannia.
:'''Rakshata''': That one they call Odysseus.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Annoucer''': Annoucing the arrival of the Prime Minister of the Holy Britannian Empire, Second Prince Schneizel!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''(Nina was about to attack Zero with a knife but she is stopped by Suzaku)''
:'''Nina''': ZERO! Princess Euphemia will be AVENGED!!!
:'''Suzaku''': (holding her arm) Stop it, Nina! Drop the knife!
:'''Nina''': Aah!! Why are you stopping me? You all people should've understand since you were Princess Euphemia's knight!
:'''Suzaku''': That's right. But why...?
:'''Nina''': You were just an Eleven after all! I give you... ''(Kallen stopped Nina before she's about to kill Zero)'' Why, Kallen? You're half-Britannian and yet you choose to protect that monster!
:'''Kallen''': No, that's incorrect. I'm Japanese, Nina.
:'''Nina''': No, you're not. You're an Eleven! You're an Eleven and you pretended to be my FRIEND?!! GIVE HER BACK TO ME!!! GIVE BACK PRINCESS EUPHEMIA!!! I NEEDED HER, SHE WAS A GODDESS TO ME!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''(Zero, Kaguya, and Kallen are surrounded by guards)''
:'''Empress Tianzi''': Kaguya!
:'''Xia Wang''': Well, our wedding present has arrived on its own accord. My, this worked out wonderfully.
:'''Tianzi''': You're giving them Kaguya too?!
:'''Zhao Hao''': Put that girl out of your mind, her crimes warrant of the death penalty.
:'''Tianzi''': No you can't! That's wrong! This isn't Britannia!
:'''Xia Wang''': Your Majesty, the Black Knights are the ones who killed Gao Hai. Please don't get involved and leave the politics to us. Isn't that what you always done? Let's us handle things our way.
:'''Tianzi''': But... She's a friend.
:'''Schneizel''': Can we please stop this quarreling now? Today's the day of celebration, it is not?
:'''Cai Lishi''': But, sir...
:'''Schneizel''': Miss Sumeragi, would you refrain of having Zero accompanying me to the wedding tomorrow?
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': I suppose... I don't have much of a choice, do I?
:'''Cai Lishi''': If that is the wish of the Prime Minister of Britannia. Then, withdraw!
''(Cai Lishi orders the guards to withdraw)''
:'''Zero''': So Schneizel, you appeared right before me. (''Suzaku is protecting Prince Schneizel)'' Hmph, as watchful as ever I see.
:'''Kaguya''': Suzaku Kururugi, do you remember me? We're cousins you and I.
:'''Suzaku''': Of course, I do.
:'''Kaguya''': We're the last remaining survivors of the Six Houses of Kyoto, aren't we?
:'''Suzaku''': Taizō Kirihara and the others supported terrorists. Nothing could've stay their executions.
:'''Kaguya''': But this is different. Cousin, did you forget that Master Zero once saved your life. Do you plan to execute someone you own your life to?
:'''Suzaku''': There's no comparison.
:'''Kaguya''': Oh, how sad! It's a good thing we're not able to kill anybody nearly of the words we say.
:'''Zero''': Prince Schneizel, would you care for a game of chess?
:'''Schneizel''': Chess?
:'''Zero''': If I win, I like to have Sir Kururugi. 
:'''Suzaku''': Huh?
:'''Kallen''': What?
:'''Zero''': I want to give him to you, Lady Kaguya.
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': Oh! How it will be a absolutely marvelous present!
:'''Zero''': Enjoy your anticipation of it. ''(Thinking)'' If I can get Suzaku out of here, I can use my Geass on all the others. A checkmate that will turn everything around.
:'''Schneizel''': I'll agreed to you on terms. However, If you lose, I want you to remove your mask and show your face.
:'''Zero''': Agreed.
:'''Schneizel''': What a fine evening of entertainment this has turned into.

=== ''When the'' Shen Hu ''Wins Glory'' ===

:''[the Black Knights have blundered into a trap laid by Xingke and are now fighting a losing battle against Chinese Federation forces]''
:'''Lelouch''': You've earned your victory, Xingke. I should have killed you first. You're as good a tactician as I am, and as strong a warrior as Suzaku. One could say that the heavens blessed you twice.
:''[cut to Zhou Xianglin, on the bridge of the Chinese Federation mobile command post]''
:'''Zhou Xianglin''': Yes, but the heavens didn't give him enough time to live.

=== ''Power of Passion'' ===

:'''C.C.''': The little devil grows up, huh?
:'''Lelouch''': And you're still a witch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gino Weinberg, now a student at Ashford Academy, has just introduced himself to Lelouch]''
:'''Gino''': I am really looking forward to this… ''[lengthy pause]'' …old man[pats Lelouch on the back].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The human heart is the source of all our power [...] We fight with the power of our hearts.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nina''': A single shot from the ''Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s Stark Hadron cannon would demolish the Mausoleum, wouldn't it?
:'''Lloyd ''': Well, yes. If you just want to crush them.
:'''Kanon Maldini''': And the moment we did that they'd say we killed their empress. We have to let the High Eunuchs make that last mortal blow.
:'''Zhao Hao''': So, you admit you're outmatched. Well, we won't accept your surrender. It's too late now.
:'''Lelouch''': You insist on fighting? Even though your own empress will die in the attack?
:'''Zhao Hao''': The empress is merely a system. There are plenty of others to replace her.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': So you can't use her as a bargaining chip.
:'''Lelouch''': But you use her to gain noble titles in the Britannian court.
:'''Zhao Hao''': You have sharp ears, don't you? A cheap price to pay for power.
:'''Lelouch''': Cheap? A phony treaty that gives China's land to a foreign nation?
:'''Xia Wang''': Land is nothing but dirt, after all.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Correct. We're Britannian noblemen now. That's what counts.
:'''Lelouch''': And what about the common people you sworn to protect?
:'''Zhao Hao''': Zero, when you walk down the street, do you worry about stepping on the ants?
:'''Cheng Zhong''': You throw away paper that clings to your bottom, don't you? It's the same thing.
:'''Lelouch''': You sell out your country, abandon your empress, betray your own people, and all for what?
:'''Xia Wang''': An idealist. I never thought you were so naïve, Zero.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Indeed! Masters and commoners will always breed.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': Like insects!
:'''Futaba Sumeragi''': Radiant shield generators 2 and 5 are offline!
:'''Ohgi''': That leaves the deck exposed!
:'''Tianzi''': Stop it!
:'''Kaguya''': Your Majesty!
:'''Lelouch''': Noblemen, you're bureaucrats, paper pushers who know nothing about ''noblesse oblige''!
:'''Tianzi''': Please stop it! You have to stop all this fighting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Xingke''': Someone do it - I don't care who! But please, SOMEONE SAVE HER!!.
:'''Lelouch''': Very well, I understand. Your wish is granted. ''Deploys the Shinkirō and activates its shield, protecting the Empress and Xingke''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': How pathetic, Xingke. You were betrayed by your own countrymen. And you couldn't even save one little girl. Do you get it now? You need me. I'm the only ally you can rely on.
:'''Xingke''': I'll never be subordinate to you, Zero!
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': Subordinate? No. You have the potential to lead your entire nation. They need deliverance. Your empress, and all the helpless people of the Chinese Federation. They're crying out for it.
:'''Xingke''': Do you think your Knightmare can turn the tide of this battle?
:'''Lelouch''': Not at all. The tide of war is determined by strategy, not tactics.
:'''Soldier''': Emergency alert! Riots have broken out in Shanghai!
:'''Xia Wang''': Street riots?
:'''Shanghai Citizen 1''': Damn you!
:'''Shanghai Citizen 2''': You'll pay for this!
:'''Xia Wang''': They are rioting?! In Shanghai?!
:'''Soldier''': It's not just Shanghai. Suzhou, Beijing, Burma, Jakarta, Islamabad, and there are 14 other areas we're still confirming. People are rising up everywhere.
:'''Nina''': Rebellions breaking out simultaneously?
:'''Cécile''': Yes. They're broadcasting the communication between Zero and the High Eunuchs.
:'''Kanon''': Communication? So they were conspiring without informing us.
:'''Schneizel''': Can you run it?
:'''Cécile''': Yes.
:'''Zhao Hao''': The empress is merely a system. There are plenty of others to replace her.
:'''Lelouch''': And what about the common people you sworn to protect?
:'''Zhao Hao''': Zero, when you walk down the street, do you worry about stepping on the ants?
:'''Xia Wang''': Indeed! Masters and commoners will always breed.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': Like insects!
:'''Lelouch''': Thanks to the empress, the High Eunuchs are now firmly cast as the villains.
:'''Xingke''': You mean, you planned on their betrayal?
:'''Kanon''': He couldn't have caused this. It's happening too fast.
:'''Schneizel''': Unless he made use of someone else's plan already in place.
:'''Lelouch''': Correct. I've stolen other strategy of yours as well. We start a coup and the people rise up.
:'''Tohdoh''': In other words, we're not trapped here without reinforcements!
:'''Diethard''': We do have reinforcements. The starving masses of this land are the backup we needed!
:'''Chiba''': Then we could take offensive and strike!
:'''Anya''': The Black Knights are to be annihilated.
:'''C.C.''': She's just as tough as I expected. No!
:'''Anya''': What is this?
:'''C.C.''': So that's what you did.
:'''Chiba''': What's that?
:'''Asahina''': Now's our chance!
:'''Suzaku''': Anya, no!
:'''Gino''': This is the ''Tristan''. I'm moving in to cover the ''Mordred''.
:'''Tamaki''': Push them back now!
:'''Platoon Leader 1''': Fools! Deploying their ground forces at this point in the battle.
:'''Platoon Leader 2''': If we bomb them from the air, we'll destroy them.
:'''Schneizel''': No, we're withdrawing. Nations aren't dirt, and they're not systems. They're people. The High Eunuchs have lost the people's support. They're no longer qualified to join us as representatives of the Chinese Federation.
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, your highness.
:'''Futaba''': The ''Avalon'' and the Knights of the Round are withdrawing.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, I thought that's what you do, brother. However...
:'''Schneizel''': What do you think the emperor would've done, Kanon? Forget it. I was just musing a bit.
:'''Xingke''': So, Prince Schneizel has abandoned you. So much for your titles.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Don't hurt us! We'll give up our power, whatever you want!
:'''Xingke''': Still worried about your own skin?!
:''[Xingke kills and beheads all the Eunuchs with his sword]''

=== ''Love Attack!'' ===

:''[en route to the OSI command post, Lelouch is ambushed by a girl named Miya, who steals his hat]''
:'''Miya''': I did it! Now I get to be Lelouch's girlfriend!
:'''Lelouch''': Of course. ''[turns around to face Miya]'' Miya, is it?
:'''Miya''': What's up, honeybunch?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[removes his contact lens to reveal his active Geass sigil]'' Would you mind very much giving me that hat back?
:'''Miya''': ''[is overcome by Geass]'' Okay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Miya''': Now I'm more confused than usual. What am I doing here?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch is overseeing Sayoko's actions from the OSI's underground command post]''
:'''Lelouch''': Sayoko, watch what you have me say, or I'll come off as being kind of mental.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rivalz is prowling the campus on his motorcycle looking for Lelouch so he can deliver him to Milly]''
:'''Rivalz''': Prez, if Lelouch is who you want, then I, Rivalz Cardemonde, will give you what you want! My best friend in the world!
:''[Rivalz spots the'' Mordred ''flying overhead]''
:'''Rivalz''': Whoa, that can't be for real!
:'''Anya''': It is.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Anya has just smashed through the library wall with the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s fist, and Viletta is trying to talk her down]''
:'''Viletta''': Knight of Six, milady! This is an operations area of the OSI! Please, withdraw your Knightmare at once!
:'''Anya''': This is wrong?
:'''Viletta''': Yes, very wrong!
:'''Anya''': Wrong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gino tries to explain the deployment of the'' Mordred ''at Ashford Academy to the Knight Police]''
:'''Gino''': This is a school for commoners. Things like this happen all the time.

=== ''The Assassin from the Past'' ===
:'''Bartley''': They say they're going to kill God.
:'''Cornelia''': God?
:'''Bartley''': I thought they were speaking metaphorically. But now, at the very least, these people believe what they're saying!
:'''Cornelia''': Ridiculous! To believe in God... there's no such being!
:'''V.V.''': That's right. ''(Both Bartley and Cornelia turn to see V.V.)'' Knowing goddesses and long bearded white men in white gowns in kingdoms and clouds. No, not that sort of god-- ''(Cornelia throws a knife into V.V.'s forehead, knocking him to the ground.)''
:'''Bartley''': ''(shocked)'' Princess Cornelia!
:'''Cornelia''': Who knows what type of Geass he controls? You must never let your guard down, even for a child!
:'''V.V.''': ''(still alive)'' Yes, that's correct. ''(stands up)'' Cornelia, you do left you're reputation, don't you? ''(He then takes the knife out of his forehead.)'' As your uncle, I'm very proud of you.
:'''Cornelia''': ''(shocked)'' My what?
:'''V.V.''': We made a solemn vow. If there was ever a God that made men fight each other. We must kill him and his divine rule.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': Right. I've sent Jeremiah on ahead. He'll take care of any obstacles in the way. Don't try to fight him. He just came over to our side. 
:''[He runs up the escalator and then stops and sees someone lying on the ground in the smoke. Immediately worried, he quickly runs over and gasps in terror when he sees who it is. Shirley Fenette is lying on the ground with blood leaking from her body, a ghastly chest wound being the source of the bleeding.]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[horrified]'' ''Shirley!''
:''[He kneels down to her, overlooking her mortal wounds.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Shirley, who did this to you?
:'''Shirley''': ''[voice weak]'' Lulu... I'm glad we can talk at the very end.
:'''Lelouch''': Don't say that. It's not the end. ''[takes out his cellphone]'' I'll call a doctor, so just--
:''[Shirley puts her hand on Lelouch's cellphone to stop him.]''
:'''Shirley''': Ever since my memories have come back, I've been feeling so very afraid. A teacher who wasn't a teacher. Friends who don't have memories to share. Everyone... was just... lying. It felt as though the whole world was spying on me. That's the world you've been fighting all by yourself, isn't it? All alone. So that's why I... why I wanted to be someone who would at least be truthful to you.
:'''Lelouch''': Shirley...
:'''Shirley''': Lulu... I love you. Even knowing how you caught my father in all this... I simply couldn't hate you. Even though you made me forget everything, I still fell in love with you. ''[She tightens her grip on Lelouch's hand.]'' Even though my memories were tampered with, I kept falling in love... with you all over again. 
:''[As her life peters out, her eyes begin to close.]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Shirley! ''You can't die!''
:''[He activates his Geass, attempting to will her into finding the strength to survive. While it kicks in, Shirley manages to overcome it.]''
:'''Shirley''': No matter how many times I'm reborn... ''[More blood has started pouring up from the hole in her chest.]'' ...I'll keep falling in love with you, Lulu. ''[Her blood is leaking onto the floor, to Lelouch's feet.]'' I suppose that it's simply fate.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[desperate]'' NO! DON'T DIE! ''[He uses his Geass yet again.]'' I ''ORDER'' YOU NOT TO DIE!
:''[Once again, the Geass has no lasting effect.]''
:'''Shirley''': So is that okay, then, Lulu? ''[Tears are forming in Lelouch's eyes.]'' And as I'm reborn... I'll fall in love with you over and over. ''[Tears are filling Shirley's own eyes as they continue to close.]'' I'll keep... falling... in love... with... ...
:''[Her voice giving out, Shirley closes her eyes and dies. Her hand falls limp into the pool of her own blood.]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[shocked, disbelieving]'' Shirley...? ''Shirley!'' 
:''[He stares in denial at her corpse with tears pouring from his eyes, shaking in grief... and he screams in despair.]''

=== ''Geass Hunt'' ===
:'''Jeremiah''': That machine was made so that I could prove my loyalty.
:'''V.V.''': Jeremiah, I thought that you had a personal grudge against Zero.
:'''Jeremiah''': I did because I thought he was a mere commoner preventing me from serving the royal family, but now I know who he is, and I know that by serving him, I am serving MY LADY MARIANNE!

:''[Lelouch and Cornelia prepare to strike the final blow on V.V.'s ''Siegfried ''.]''
:'''Cornelia''': Now you will suffer for what you did to Euphie…
:'''Lelouch''': …the source…
:'''Lelouch &amp; Cornelia''': ''(In unison)'' …of Geass!

=== ''C's World'' ===
''[In C's World, the emperor and Lelouch finally meet face to face]''
:'''Charles''': It's been a long time, Lelouch. My prodigal son.
:'''Lelouch''': Answer my question about eight years ago! Why you didn't tried to protect Mother? You knew the others were plotting against her! You know everything!
:'''Charles''': People are not equal!
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Charles''': You have a unique form of Geass! A power that no one else possesses! Use it, to get the answer from me!
:'''Lelouch''': [Thinking] He's baiting me, trying to get me to use my Geass on him. But... If I look into his eyes, then he'll look into mine. His Geass requires eye contact just like mine does. So the moment I look, his Geass will take control of me and he'll alter my memories. What will I do?
:'''Charles''': What's wrong? Are you not my son, a prince of Britannia?
:'''Lelouch''': [activating his Geass] I have no time to make the wrong choice!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Ohgi is waiting when finally he meets Villetta]''
:'''Ohgi''': Chigusa.
:'''Villetta''': That was the name you called me when I lost my memory. What's my real name?
''[She points her gun at Ohgi]''
:'''Ohgi''': Villetta. But that doesn't change anything. 
:'''Villetta''': I am a Britannian baroness. No matter what the reason, if I don't erase the disgrace of my having loved an Eleven, I won't be able to live in this world.
:'''Ohgi''': I suppose not. If I must die, I just wish it could've been in Japan.
:'''Villetta''': You came here knowing I was going to kill you?
:'''Ohgi''': Everybody dies. I wanted to choose the time.
:'''Villetta''': You can also choose to kill me if you want. Tell me, why did a terrorist save a Britannian in the first place?
:'''Ohgi''': In the beginning, I thought I could get information from you about Zero. I tricked you, kept you under surveillance. But while we lived together, I-
:'''Villetta''': I'm your sworn enemy!
:'''Ohgi''': But I still love you!
:'''Villetta''': Are you insane?!
:'''Ohgi''': I must be. You are the enemy. But I can't stop myself from loving you!
:'''Villetta''': [sobbing] I wish I've never set eyes on you-
''[Suddenly Sayoko appears]''
:'''Ohgi''': From the Intelligence?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Lelouch and Charles are in C's World]''
:'''Lelouch''': What is Geass? I wan't the truth.
:'''Charles''': How strange. A child who's wrapped himself in lies desires the truth from others.
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Charles''': The false name and false mask of Zero - what has it gotten you?
:'''Lelouch''': Everything! It's gotten me all of the things that ordinary people can never obtain. Followers. Territory.
:'''Charles''': You lost Euphemia. Suzaku and Nunally are also lost to your lies.
:'''Lelouch''': Shut up! I did what I had to do. People lie to survive. No one is blameless.
:'''Charles''': You want others to know your true self, yet you only show them a false face. How can anyone know you if you don’t reveal yourself? If you hide behind masks, you are afraid that they’ll find out who you really are.
:'''Lelouch''': No!
:'''Charles''': In the end, your lies serve no purpose because you are me and I am you. All else is illusion. Though there are worlds without end, there is but one being; in the past, in the future, and now, there is only one.
:'''Lelouch''': One? What are you saying?
''[C.C. appears]''
:'''C.C.''': Charles. Play time is over now. There's nothing in it for me now, no values in the games anymore.
:'''Lelouch''': C.C.?
:'''C.C.''': You don't have to cajole him like this to get me here. I already exist in this realm.
:'''Charles''': True enough, C.C. In that case, I shall grant your wish.
:'''Lelouch''': You know what C.C.'s wish is?
:'''C.C.''': Lelouch, it's time you know the conditions of our contract and what I desire. My wish is to die; to end my existence in all worlds forever.
:'''Lelouch''': But why? Why would you want to die?
:'''C.C.''': In the final stage of Geass, the user attains the position of the one who granted them the power. Thus, you have gained the power to kill me.
:'''Lelouch''': Kill you? C.C...
:'''C.C.''': Of all those I have made contracts with, none has ever reached that point. But now there's Charles. He has done it.
:'''Lelouch''': You mean... You made the contract with me so you could cease to exist?
:'''C.C.''': Correct.
:'''Lelouch''': But why would you want to die?
:'''C.C.''': It's providence; a boundary. Only when it's final can we call it life.
:'''Lelouch''': That's wrong! We call it life because we feel it.
:'''C.C.''': Same thing. There is no life unless there is death.
:'''Lelouch''': That's just word play, it's not real!
:'''C.C.''': People die, that's real.
:'''Lelouch''': Why are we born at all? What's the purpose of it? The meaning?
:'''C.C.''': You know the answer. Those things are all just illusions.
:'''Lelouch''': No! Living just to die is too sad.
:'''C.C.''': Without death, all we have are just random events. Accumulation. You can't call that life. If you have a reason for living, then you have to kill me. Do that and you'll be Charles' equal. You'll finally be able to beat him. So fare thee well, Lelouch. You're too kind to end our contract.
:'''Lelouch''': Wait! You're - Aaahhh!
''[Lelouch falls] [Charles grins]''

=== ''United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One'' ===

:''[Lelouch is trying to deal with C.C.'s amnesia]''
:'''C.C''': What should I be doing now?
:'''Lelouch''': Let's see now. Sing me a song while hopping on one foot and wearing your clothes inside-out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Suzaku attempts to apologize to Kallen for his mistreatment of her]''
:'''Suzaku''': I'm sorry!
:''[Kallen assaults Suzaku, her words punctuated by punches and slaps]''
:'''Kallen''': What the hell does ''that'' mean?! There's no need to ''apologize''! It's either ''right'' or ''wrong''! You think you can flip on the good-guy routine whenever you like?! Not when I'm this pissed off! Kallen Kōzuki's a soldier, not a sideshow! ''[scoffs at Suzaku as she sits back down]'' I'm mostly pissed off because you're not resisting. ''[pauses for a moment as Suzaku groans in agony]'' There. Put me to death. An inmate assaulting a Knight of the Round should be good reason enough for anyone.
:'''Suzaku''': No, I won't, because I'm the one who did wrong.
:'''Kallen''': ''[mockingly]'' &quot;No, I won't.&quot; '''I HATE YOU!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Anya''': Memories that people have are always fake. No point in believing in them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Luciano Bradley, the Knight of Ten, introduces himself to Suzaku]''
:'''Luciano Bradley''': What do people value most, Sir Kururugi the traitor? Their own life, of course.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Luciano interrupts a conversation between Nunnally and Kallen]''
:'''Nunnally''': I don't believe I gave you permission to enter this area, Sir Bradley.
:'''Luciano''': My apologies, Your Highness.
:'''Kallen''': Well, so you're the Vampire of Britannia.
:'''Luciano''': Yes. It's a shame we're not on a battlefield, or I could savor your blood as well.
:'''Kallen''': Pity. So, you here to finish off the hostage?
:'''Luciano''': Not so. Hostages have only one value I care for. It seems to hold dear to life, and when alive, one can do anything he has a whim for…''to its body''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lloyd, Cécile, Nina, Suzaku, and Anya are discussing plans for an impending attack on Tokyo]''
:'''Cécile''': Huh? Mount the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' onto the ''Lancelot''?
:'''Lloyd''': Well, the intention was for Suzaku to pilot the ''Guren'', but…
:'''Suzaku''': ''[surprised]'' The ''Guren''?
:'''Cécile''': Sorry, he's right. I got so carried away I forgot. It's just, Lloyd and I got so wrapped up in our little hobby that we--
:'''Suzaku''': Hobby?
:'''Lloyd''': Rakshata's mechanisms are quite easy to tinker with. Now it's so souped up it can't be flown! End result, you're our little devicer again!
:'''Nina''': Excuse me, Professor Lloyd? Now that you've mentioned the ''Lancelot''--
:'''Lloyd''': You wouldn't mix up a strategic weapon with a tactical one, would you?
:'''Nina''': I have thought it through. Any matter caught in the primary effect field will be annihilated by the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s rapid sphere collapse.
:'''Cécile''': Hold on! You want Suzaku to fire a weapon like that?!
:'''Anya''': He'll kill his own people. A massacre.
:'''Nina''': Suzaku, you don't consider yourself an Eleven anymore, right? That's why I want to entrust the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' to you.
:'''Suzaku''': You'd give me…that burden?
:'''Nina''': You were Princess Euphemia's knight, so naturally.
:'''Lloyd''': ''[spins in a circle before facing Nina]'' Nina, darling, a fine quandary. Might just kill Suzaku…and take you along as well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch, shaken significantly by the reappearance of Emperor Charles, returns to his quarters, where C.C. attempts to offer him one last slice of pizza]''
:'''C.C.''': Uh, Master, I kept this last piece so you could have it. You left without having breakfast and must be hungry. So, please, if you--
:'''Lelouch''': '''''BE QUIET!'''''
:''[Lelouch attacks C.C. in a fit of rage, shattering the plate she's carrying and sending her to the floor; he then relents as he sees her bleeding from a large cut on her finger]''
:'''Lelouch''': Hey--
:'''C.C.''': ''[starts cowering, thinking that Lelouch is going to start beating her]'' Forgive me, Master! I'll clean it up at once!
:'''Lelouch''': No! Leave it there! ''[starts attending to C.C.'s wound]'' Be careful now. You're bleeding.
:'''C.C.''': No, it's fine. I'm okay. I get cut up all the time.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' All the time?
:'''C.C.''': Bleeding feels even better when it's cold. It feels warm on your outside. It stings a bit, but only on the outside, and that's always better than hurt on your inside. It's just, any kind of warmth helps make you try to keep going. ''[Lelouch is visibly shivering as he holds C.C.'s hand]'' Oh, lookit, Master, you're shaking. Are you cold now?
:'''Lelouch''': Uh, yeah, maybe. Maybe I am. ''[C.C. starts holding Lelouch's hand as well]'' And the hurt on the inside…how's it healed?
:'''C.C.''': You just think of… ''[pauses as she tries to think]'' …some friends.
:'''Lelouch''': Huh?
:'''C.C.''': I've never actually had one. Not like families. That always comes and goes. I mean, someone special who stands beside you. At least, I guess that's what I've heard that friends do.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, they do.
:'''C.C.''': I'm right? A friend will stand by your side?
:'''Lelouch''': Exactly right. A friend is always there.

=== ''The Taste of Dirt'' ===
:'''Luciano''': Irrelevant. Killing is all one should do on the battlefield!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch is meeting Suzaku in the Kururugi Shrine asking for his help to protect Nunnally.]''
:'''Suzaku''': I need to know. Did you use your Geass power on Euphy? Be honest.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes.
:'''Suzaku''': You caused her to massacre the Japanese?
:'''Lelouch''': I ordered her to do it.
:'''Suzaku''': Why would you use your Geass power like that?! ''[He doesn't answer]'' Answer me!
:'''Lelouch''': To motivate the Japanese people. If the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan had been established, the Black Knights would have collapsed.
:'''Suzaku''': And Shirley's death?
:'''Lelouch''': Also my fault.
:'''Suzaku''': You aren't even human, you know that? Shirley and Euphy...Were both of them nothing more than pawns for your ambitions?
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, that's right. So all the sin is mine to shoulder. My little sister had nothing to do with it!
:'''Suzaku''': Why you coward! How could you use Nunnaly like that?! ''[Lelouch gets down on his legs.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku, I'm sorry. For the first time in my life, I'm bowing down to another person. Shame and honor mean nothing to me. All I want is this, and my Geass be damned! Just please, you have to save Nunnaly! I beg of-- ''[Suzaku's shoe steps on Lelouch's head, which causes him to fall to the ground with Suzaku keeping him down.]''
:'''Suzaku''': After everything you've done, you really think this is sufficient? You believe some bowing and begging is enough for me to forgive you?!
:'''Lelouch''': No, of course I don't, but it's all I got! I have nothing else left to offer! You're the only person in the world who can save my sister now!
:'''Suzaku''': So you believe...I'll just ignore the past and forgive you? That everyone is going to forgive you?! ''[He puts more pressure on Lelouch's head.]'' The people you've tricked...The people who've died thanks to you...And what about Euphy?! You wanna apologize?! Then bring Euphy back to life! Right now! I wanna see you save the world with all your malice! Right now! You're Zero, the miracle worker, aren't you?!
:'''Lelouch''': I've preformed no miracles! It's all been calculation and stage production. The mass they call Zero is a symbol! Just a device that lets me tell lies!
:'''Suzaku''': Device?! You don't really expect me to believe that excuse, do you?! ''[Suzaku takes his shoe off Lelouch and picks him up by his shoulders.]'' If you're going to tell a lie, then keep it up 'til the very end!
:'''Lelouch''': I can't go back to the past! There's not a choice! You know I can't undo what's already been done!
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch! YOU WILL ANSWER ME! ''[He throws Lelouch to the ground.]'' Why did you use your Geass on me to make me wanna live?! '''WHY?!''' The Geass you used on me that drives me to live has corrupted my convictions! Why would you put such a curse on me?!
:'''Lelouch''': I only did it because I wanted to survive.
:'''Suzaku''': Then why did you save me when I was accused of Prince Clovis' murder?
:'''Lelouch''': I wanted to make the Japanese trust me, that's all.
:'''Suzaku''': Why did you save the student council members from the hotel jacking?
:'''Lelouch''': Because I thought it presented an ideal for the Black Knights' debut.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[Thinking]'' The look in his eyes...I know that look...The look of torment that comes from bottling up a lie. That's why I joined the Britannian Army: for redemption. So that the tragedy wouldn't repeat itself. ''[Aloud]'' You're lying, aren't you? Lelouch, there's only one way to redeem yourself for yourself. Turn your falsehoods into the truth. 
:'''Lelouch''': Huh?
:'''Suzaku''': You told the world a lie when you proclaimed you were a knight for justice. Why don't you live up to that lie by trying to become a true knight for justice. Then you'll have the lie going, to the very end.
:'''Lelouch''': But how? How can I do that?
:'''Suzaku''': By putting an end to this war. You are Zero. This job, only Zero can do it. It's within your power. Bring peace and happiness to the world. If you do that, I'll save Nunnally.
:'''Lelouch''': You will? You'll save her?
:'''Suzaku''': But we'll work together. One more time for her sake.
:'''Lelouch''': I'm grateful. The two of us together. We can accomplish anything. ''[Lelouch was about to grab Suzaku's hand, when a bullet stops them. After, several Knightmares surround them.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Wha-What the...?
:'''Claudio''': Hold it right there, Zero!
:'''Bart''': We've already uncovered your true identity! ''[A group of Britannian soldiers surround Lelouch and Suzaku.]''
:'''Britannian Soldier #1''': Are you all right, Sir Kururugi?
:'''Britannian Soldier #2''': Please, stay back!
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku...''[The Britannian soldiers point their guns at Lelouch while two others restrain him.]'' You set me up from the start?!
:'''Suzaku''': No, wait--! ''[Kanon puts his hand on Suzaku's shoulder.]'' 
:'''Kanon''':You've done a great deed here, Sir Kururugi. Excellent work. You've managed to bring this war to an end.
:'''Lelouch''': I see...You planned to sell me out again...You betrayed me, Suzaku...'''YOU BETRAYED ME!!!'''

=== ''The Second Decisive Battle of Tokyo'' ===

:''[Jeremiah in the'' Sutherland Sieg ''attacks Suzaku's'' Lancelot Conquista'', much to Suzaku's surprise]''
:'''Suzaku''': Jeremiah, is that you?!
:'''Jeremiah''': Suzaku Kururugi, I owe you a debt. I sympathize with you. I respect you. But in this situation…''loyalty trumps all!''
:''[Suzaku attempts to disengage from the'' Sutherland Sieg'']''
:'''Suzaku''': The ''Siegfried''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s--
:'''Jeremiah''': Take this! ''[fires a rocket barrage at the'' Lancelot Conquista'']'' The storm of my '''LOYALTY!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gino Weinberg joins the fray above Tokyo, just in time to save Suzaku from Jeremiah]''
:'''Gino''': No one can defeat a Knight of the Round. ''No one!''
:''[Gino manages to score a hit on the'' Sutherland Sieg'', freeing Suzaku in the process]''
:'''Suzaku''': Gino, thank you.
:'''Gino''': Can't you look a bit happier when someone saves your life? ''[beat]'' Lord Jeremiah! So, what they said about Orange was true, huh?
:'''Jeremiah''': Orange, you say? ''[chuckles]'' That is the name of my loyalty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Anya Alstreim ambushes Lelouch and starts firing the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s guns at the'' Shinkirō ''at point-blank range]''
:'''Anya''': Which one do you think is stronger, your shield or my Stark Hadron Cannon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano Bradley gets ready to kill Lelouch]''
:'''Luciano''': Here's a question: What do people value most? Answer: Their life, of course!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano finds himself under attack by Shinichirō Tamaki and his'' Akatsuki ''squadron]''
:'''Tamaki''': Let Zero go! Or you'll have to deal with me, Shinichirō Tamaki, his best bud!
:''[Luciano fires a missile barrage from the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s shield, destroying the'' Akatsukis ''besieging him; Tamaki bails out]''
:'''Tamaki''': ''[frustrated]'' Damn it! This always happens to me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch attempts a sneak attack on Luciano by firing the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s main gun at point-blank range, only to find himself at the end of the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand-mounted drill lance]''
:'''Luciano''': Just what I was waiting for, Zero! To go into attack mode, you dropped your shield! Now I will take what you value most and ''blow it away!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lloyd is despairing over the theft of the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.'']''
:'''Lloyd''': You thieves! That's mine, all mine!
:'''Cécile''': Oh, not quite! I did some of the upgrades, ''remember?''
:'''Lloyd''': Oh, right, it's actually a collaboration. Oh, ''what am I talking about?!'' With a capable devicer, even at 60% output, that unit can cut the other Knightmares to ribbons!
:''[meanwhile, Rakshata is indignant over Lloyd and Cécile's tampering with the original'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Rakshata''': That's the Earl of Pudding's work and Cécile's energy wings! How dare they, altering my ''Guren'' without my permission!
:'''Ohgi''': Still, now that we've got Kallen back in the combat zone…
:'''Tohdoh''': …it will even up the battle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Britannian officer''': Sir Bradley, you have permission to destroy the ''Guren''.
:'''Luciano''': Irrelevant! Killing is all one should do on the battlefield!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano and Kallen trade barbs while dueling over the skies of Tokyo in their respective Knightmares]''
:'''Luciano''': Eleven! Do you know the prime truth of the battlefield? Kill a man off the field, and you're a criminal, but kill him on it, and you're a ''big'' hero!
:'''Kallen''': So, the Vampire of Britannia wants to be a hero now, is that it?
:'''Luciano''': No, not at all. War allows me to officially take what people value most: ''Their lives!''
:'''Kallen''': Some knight. You're barely a ''scoundrel!''
:''[Kallen destroys the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s shield with a ranged Radiant Wave Surger blast; Luciano readies the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s drill lance in response and charges]''
:'''Luciano''': And now--
:'''Kallen''': And now what? ''[shatters the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s drill lance with the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s knife]'' That's not going to work.
:'''Luciano''': Ah, but now I've got you in close range.
:''[Luciano fires the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head-mounted Slash Harken, only to have Kallen snag the cord in the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand and then latch onto the'' Percival ''with the Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Luciano''': What?!
:'''Kallen''': Question: What do ''you'' value the most? Your own ''pitiful life''!
:'''Luciano''': You think an Eleven can threaten me?!
:'''Kallen''': Send a postcard.
:''[Kallen fries the'' Percival ''and leaves Luciano to die in his Knightmare]''
:'''Luciano''': My life! My life is taken…''by a lowly Eleven?! AAAGH!''
:''[the'' Percival ''explodes and Luciano dies]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen comes under attack by Suzaku while Gino duels a Geass-influenced Guilford]''
:'''Gino''': Kallen. So, in the end, you chose the name &quot;Kōzuki&quot; over &quot;Stadtfeld.&quot;
:'''Kallen''': That's right, which means you and I do battle once again. So, should I be happy or sad about that, Gino?
:'''Gino''': ''[chuckles]'' Why don't we just enjoy it?

=== ''Betrayal'' ===

:''[Lelouch, still in shock over Nunnally's death, goes psychotic upon spotting the locket attached to Rolo's cell phone and snatches it from his hands]''
:'''Lelouch''': What are you doing with this?! It's Nunnally's! I wanted to give this locket to Nunnally, not to you! ''To Nunnally!'' You think you could ever replace Nunnally in my heart?! You're an '''''IMPOSTER!''' [Lelouch tosses the cell phone to the ground; C.C. cowers in fear as Rolo sits there, despondent]'' Haven't you figured it out yet?! I hate you! I loathe you! '''I DESPISE YOU!''' I've been trying to kill you, but I keep '''MISSING THE CHANCE!'''
:'''Rolo''': ''[still hasn't figured it out yet, even with Lelouch telling it to his face]'' Big…brother?
:'''Lelouch''': '''GET OUT OF HERE!''' I never want to see your face again! I said, '''''GET OUT!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd''': You need to make a choice, Nina. Do you abandon science to preserve your heart, or abandon your heart and sacrifice yourself to science?
:'''Nina''': How can I do either? Did you make such a choice, Professor Lloyd?
:'''Lloyd''': I didn't have to. I'm a sociopath; I was born with an abandoned heart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Schneizel is holding a meeting with the Black Knights]''
:'''Schneizel''': Now that I think about it, I never finished my match with Zero, did I?
:'''Diethard''': Zero won't be attending. Not until we have the details of the proposal.
:'''Schneizel''': Of course. I didn't ''expect'' him to show. He's not the type who consults with others. No, he keeps things to himself and holds people at a distance.
:'''Diethard''': That's strange. You talk about him as if you know him intimately.
:'''Schneizel''': More than any of you do. Zero is our younger brother. Cornelia's and my own.
:'''Tamaki''': What are you saying?
:'''Schneizel''': He is the former 11th royal prince of the Holy Britannian Empire: Lelouch vi Britannia. The man whom I both loved and feared more than any other.
:'''Tohdoh''': Impossible.
:'''Tamaki''': You're telling us that Zero's a Britannian prince?
:'''Cornelia''': Diethard, please. In all this time, you never figure that out? Even with all the information you were getting from Jeremiah and Villetta?
:'''Diethard''': You're wasting your time. You can't cause chaos here by spreading these irrelevant stories. It's not Zero's lineage that matters but rather his efforts and the miracles that he's performed for us.
:'''Schneizel''': But what if all those miracles he perform were actually tricks.
:'''Diethard''': Tricks.
:'''Schneizel''': Zero possesses a special power. It is known as Geass. It's the absolute power to compel anyone to obey him. You can think of it as extreme hypnosis.
:'''Tohdoh''': You're saying his miracles come from that power?
:'''Tamaki''': Are you trying to dis my man Zero? He's got brains and guts and he kicks Britannian butt! A prince with Geass power? Where is the proof of all this bul, huh?
:'''Ohgi''': I have the proof.
:'''Tamaki''': Ohgi?
:'''Chiba''': And Villetta?
:'''Ohgi''': What he saying is all ''true''. Zero was a former Britannian prince named Lelouch. He controls people with his Geass power. A con man. Zero's been tricking us all along. Using us like pawns from the start.
:'''Tamaki''': You don't ''mean'' this, Ohgi.
:'''Chiba''': But if that's really true then...
:'''Diethard''': Then it doesn't matter. It doesn't erase a single thing that he's done for us. And if he really does have this Geass power, then doesn't that just help us? It's another weapon to use in our fight against Britannia.
:'''Ohgi''': Yes, that would make perfect sense if he only used it against our enemies.
:'''Tamaki''': What?
:'''Chiba''': Are you saying he used it on us?
:'''Cornelia''': Of course. He used Geass to control his own sister Euphemia. He ''made'' her slaughter the Elevens in the Special Zone.
:'''Tamaki''': You're lying! Zero is a knight for justice. He would never do something like...
:'''Schneizel''': We ''have'' evidence. ''[activates the tape recorder]''
:'''Suzaku''': Did you use your Geass power on Euphie? Be honest.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes.
:'''Suzaku''': You ''caused'' her to massacre the Japanese?
:'''Lelouch''': I ''ordered'' her to do it.
:'''Chiba''': Then, that whole bloodbath was...
:'''Cornelia''': Euphie was ''just'' a girl. Zero was in control.
:'''Tohdoh''': So Zero slaughtered our people for his own ambitions?
:'''Tamaki''': That recording is fake!
:'''Kanon''': These are people in incidents that we suspect he manipulated with his Geass.
:'''Tohdoh''': Kusakabe... Even Major General Katase!
''[The list of Geass victims like Guilford, Darlton, Shirley, Euphemia, and Suzaku revealed]''
:'''Chiba''': I can't believe it.
:'''Diethard''': Clovis.
:'''Villetta''': He used it on me, too.
:'''Ohgi''': That explains why Gao Hai changed.
:'''Chiba''': And that explains why Jeremiah and the others became traitors.
:'''Schneizel''': His Geass might be controlling even Nina. There's no way to be certain about that. When you think about it, it's a terrifying prospect.
:'''Chiba''': You mean...?
:'''Tamaki''': We could be...?
:'''Kanon''': There's one more thing. We notified Zero about the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' warhead before the battle. We wanted to avoid using it. It's still in the ''Lancelot''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s communications record. However...
:'''Tohdoh''': He never told us anything about that.
:'''Asahina''': We can't trust commander Zero!
:'''Tohdoh''': Asahina...
:'''Ohgi''': I wanted to put my trust in Zero. I wanted to believe in him, but we mean nothing to him. We're just pawns.
:'''Tamaki''': Treating us like chumps. Damn! How could he do this to us?
:'''Schneizel''': Everyone. Zero is my brother. Will you please hand him over to me for justice?
:'''Ohgi''': On one condition.
:'''Tamaki''': Ohgi!
:'''Cornelia''': You think you're in a position to bargain over this?
:'''Schneizel''': Wait, let's hear it.
:'''Ohgi''': Our Japan, return it. We're betraying our comrade, so at least we deserve to regain Japan. Otherwise, ''I'' could never forgive myself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Zero''': Kallen, it's good you made it back. I'm sorry it took so long to get you out.
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch, listen, when I was imprisoned, I happened to talk to Nunnally. She stood up for me and she saved me.
:'''Zero''': I see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Black Knights put Zero and Kallen at gunpoint]''
:'''Tohdoh''': Surrender, Zero!
:'''Chiba''': How dare you try to run a con game on us?
:'''Ohgi''': We know everything about your Geass power!
:''[Lelouch, under the mask, is horrified about what they know]''
:'''Diethard''': Zero, the renowned hero, died in battle before he could triumph, but his gallant life and daring deeds will continue to live on in myth and legend.
:'''Zero''': Is that the script you've written for me, Diethard?
:'''Diethard''': Actually, I ''wanted'' to film your brilliant campaign and glorious victory over Britannia, but I'm afraid that show's been permanently ''cancelled''.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' What do I do? Knightmares are beyond my reach, but Ohgi and the others are defenseless. If I can use my Geass secretly...
:'''Minami''': Everybody ''trusted'' you, Zero.
:'''Sugiyama''': Inoue and Yoshida sacrifice their lives for ''you''.
:'''Kallen''': Wait a minute! This is all ''one-sided!'' Look at how far we've come ''because'' of Zero. At least let him answer!
:'''Tamaki''': You're in the way, Kallen!
:'''Sugiyama''': Do you want to die with Zero?
:'''Minami''': Don't tell me he used his Geass on you, too?
:'''Kallen''': I need an answer, Lelouch. What do I mean to you? I have to know. If I could stay with you, I would. Please.
:'''Lelouch''': ''(thinking)'' Schneizel! You made your move and now you're calling check. There's no way out of this for me. It's over!
:'''Kallen''': Please answer me, Lelouch.
:'''Lelouch''': ''(laughing)'' Fools! You ''finally'' figured it out. That I've been ''using'' you all along. That's ''right''. You're all just pawns in my game.
:'''Ohgi''': Zero, so you really are...
:'''Tamaki''': Zero!
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch, no...
:'''Lelouch''': Kallen. You were my most useful piece. Much like a well-played knight. This whole world was the board for the game, and all for my entertainment.
:'''Kallen''': I see. ''Goodbye'' then, Lelouch.
:'''Tohdoh''': Get ready!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[whispering]'' Kallen, you have to ''live''.
:'''Tohdoh''': '''''Fire!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Even after being rejected by Lelouch, Rolo still comes to his aid nonetheless and helps him escape from the traitorous Black Knights]''
:'''Lelouch''': That's enough, Rolo. I don't want to live anymore.
:'''Rolo''': I won't stop, brother, because of this.
:'''Lelouch''': Stop doing—
''[Lelouch is interrupted as Rolo activates his Geass, causing an entire squadron of pursuing Akatsukis to drop out of the sky as their pilots are paralyzed]''
:'''Rolo''': All throughout my life, people have used me like a tool.
:'''Lelouch''': —this, Rolo! Why are you still trying—
''[Rolo activates his Geass again against a group of Britannian'' Portman IIs ''and destroys them with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s light hadron guns]''
:'''Rolo''': I was used by the Order.
:'''Lelouch''': —to save me?! You know that—
:'''Rolo''': And then ''you'' used me, big brother. ''[clutches his chest as he starts to feel the effects of cardiac failure due to overuse of his Geass]'' Yeah, maybe you've been using me for your ends right from the very start. But… only the time I spent with you seemed real!
:'''Lelouch''': —I was only usi—
''[Rolo activates his Geass once more against a group of Britannian'' Vincent Wards ''and destroys them with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s light hadron guns]''
:'''Rolo''': It was… those memories… that finally made me… ''human!''
''[Rolo is forced to deactivate his Geass prematurely as he starts having breathing problems, right as the'' Shinkirō ''encounters a Britannian airship]''
:'''Lelouch''': —using you! ''[sees Rolo's condition]'' Rolo!
:'''Rolo''': That's why I'm not… ''[attempts to activate his Geass again but fails to sustain it and starts coughing profusely]'' I'm not… ''[summons the effort to activate his Geass one final time]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, stop using your Geass like that! Do you want to di—
:'''Rolo''': I'm not… a tool! I do this… out of my own… free will… ''as a human being!''
''[Rolo carves the Britannian airship to pieces with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s laser, making good his and Lelouch's escape]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Rolo lands the'' Shinkirō'', Lelouch asks him why he did what he did]''
:'''Lelouch''': Rolo, why did you save me, after all I've done to you?
:'''Rolo''': Because… you're a liar, big brother. It was… a lie, wasn't it? What you said about trying to kill me, about… hating me and all of that.
:'''Lelouch''': Of course, and you saw right through me, didn't you? Just what I'd expect of my little brother.
:'''Rolo''': ''[weakly; last words]'' That's right, I thought so, 'cause I know who you really are inside your heart. I know everything about you, big brother.
:''[Lelouch places Rolo's cell phone with the attached locket in his now-lifeless hand]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, you got it right. '''Your big brother…is just a liar.'''

=== ''Emperor Dismissed'' ===

:''[within the'' Sword of Akasha'', Emperor Charles starts to set his grand plan into motion]''
:'''Charles''': God! Hear me now! The time has come to settle this!
:'''Lelouch''': You're wrong. You lift your voice to call upon God, but it's not God you need to settle things with, Charles zi Britannia.
:''[Emperor Charles turns around to face his wayward son]''
:'''Lelouch''': It's me, ''your son!''
:'''Charles''': And how will you challenge me? Neither gun nor sword will have any effect on me, nor will the power of your Geass! Nothing you can do can kill me!
:'''Lelouch''': But I don't need to kill you. By coming to this parallel realm, you've already ensured my victory.
:''[Emperor Charles grunts in surprise as the Kamine Island Thought Elevator is bombed; the skies of the'' Sword of Akasha ''turn dark and flash lightning briefly]''
:'''Charles''': You sealed the exit?!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes! You, I, and the power of Geass are now sealed in this space together. And if you can no longer interfere with the real world, then all your plans will be meaningless in the end. You may as well be ''dead''!
:'''Charles''': ''Lelouch!''
:'''Lelouch''': This system, which you created, has become a prison, which now holds your own soul captive. Now, let us repent… '''''suffering together for all eternity!'''''

=== ''The Ragnarök Connection'' ===

''[In C's world, Lelouch finally sees his mother in real form]''
:'''Lelouch''': Mother... It can't be!
:'''Marianne''': My, Lelouch. How you've grown.
:'''Lelouch''': Mo-mother!
:'''Charles''': Marianne, I see you've come.
:'''Lelouch''': Is this an illusion?! You're doing this?
:'''Marianne''': No, it really ''is'' me, Lelouch. However, I can only take on my original appearance while I'm present within this system.
:'''Lelouch''': It really is...
:'''Charles''': Lelouch, I will now answer your previous question. Half a century ago, my elder brother and I existed in a Hell on Earth; our family were just rivals competing for the throne. Assassinations occured with regularity, dealing with betrayal and spawned by lies, killing each other off. My own mother fell victim to it. My brother and I were sick and angered by the world, we therefore both sworn an oath: to create a world without lies. 
:'''Marianne''': Both C.C. and I agreed to this as well. V.V., however...
''[Cut to the Britannian homeland, eight years ago]''
:'''Marianne''': What did you call me for today? I cleared everyone out of here, I even had Cornelia withdraw.
:'''V.V.''': Sorry to do this, especially without Charles around. 
:'''Marianne''': Is this about the ''Sword of Akasha''?
:'''V.V.''': Oh, no. This is only about Charles. Ever since he met you, Charles has been acting like a different man. It seems to me that you and he have come to enjoy learning more about one another. You realize if this continues, the contract we made will never be fulfilled. I will be left alone. From the beginning of time, it's always been the woman who led the man astray.
:'''Personal guard''': Lady Marianne!
:'''Marianne''': I told you to stay out of here!
''[V.V. pulls out a rifle and kills Marianne and the guards]''
:'''V.V.''': [talking on a cellphone] The job is done. Right, Begin the cover-up, maybe we can make Nunnally act to be the witness. It's imperative that this look like the work of terrorists.
''[Anya hides behind the pillar looking at Marianne wounded]''
:'''Marianne''': Anya Alstreim, the young girl who arrived a week earlier to be schooled in etiquette. ''[Marianne uses her Geass to transfer her spirit into Anya]'' My Geass power enables me to cross over to another person's mind. The power that had been latent for so long activated for the first time as I was dying. I hid inside Anya to save myself from being killed by V.V. and when I realized when my consciousness had surfaced, I could communicate mind to mind with C.C. When she discovered the truth, C.C. left the directorship to V.V. and then disappeared.
:'''Charles''': I spoke with my brother about it. However...
:'''V.V.''': I heard; what a tragedy. I shall miss Marianne.
:'''Charles''': ''[angrily]'' My brother lied to me! After we'd sworn to create a world without deceit.
:'''Lelouch''': How dare you! Don't try to pass off blame for eveything on the dead! Nunnally and I...you sent us to Japan as hostages! 
:'''Charles: IT WAS NECESSARY!!!'''
:'''Lelouch''': NECESSARY FOR WHAT?! What kind of parent does that?!
:'''C.C.''': If you have someone you don't want to lose, you should keep them at a distance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Charles''': That's right, I sent both you and your sister to Japan to escape my brother's sight. That's also why I had Marianne's body secretly taken away.
:'''Marianne''': As long as my body still exists, there's the possibility that I'll be able to return to it.
:'''Charles''': Anya and Nunnally became witnesses, therefore it was necessary to rewrite their memories in order to protect everything.
:'''Lelouch''': Nunnally?! You mean her blindness wasn't psychosomatic after all?! But&amp;mdash;
:'''Marianne''': Even though she was a false witness, there remained a very real danger she would be killed. 
:'''Charles''': To ensure Nunnally's safety, proof was needed that would lead V.V. away from the truth.
:'''Marianne''': The original plan called for only one immortal Code. However, for research to progress we had to have an additional Code. In other words, without C.C., we didn't have an 100% guarantee that it would succeed.
:'''Charles''': When Marianne was unable to persuade C.C. to help us, we were left with no choice. We were forced to use you, Lelouch.
:'''Lelouch''': What was the point of me doing this? 
:'''Charles''': These tragedies will no longer be necessary once the Ragnarok Connection is established.
:'''Marianne''': Masks will vanish, then everyone can be exactly who they're supposed to be.
:'''Lelouch''': I see, all the battle and bloodshed between Britannia and the Black Knights was to lure out C.C. Well then, it seems that from the very beginning I was merely a nuisance, just a ruckus in the world. ''[chuckles]'' And what do ''you'' two think of all this?
''[Suzaku and C.C. approach, having arrived in C's World]''
:'''C.C.''': Did you already know that I was going to come here, Lelouch?
:'''Lelouch''': And that you regained your memories too. It was necessary for this plan, wasn't it?
:'''Charles''': Precisely. Therefore I cannot see any sense in you coming here as well, Kururugi. 
:'''Suzaku''': I'm sure you can't. I'd heard that you're already immortal, that's why there something that I want to know for certain. Why did you make this thing? For what reason?
:'''Charles''': Why? Because it's what Nunnally and Euphie both desired: they wanted a gentler world.
:'''Lelouch''': Now I see. It's obvious.
:'''Charles''': The time is here. C.C., since we are all assembled, the plan can commence now. I will grant your wish after everything has been completed.
''[Charles and C.C.'s Geass powers reveal the Sword of Akasha]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[The'' Sword of Akasha ''is finally revealed]''
:'''Marianne''': Behold! It's begun! The Sword of Akasha is slaying God!
:'''Charles''': Now, once our marks of Geass become one, the old world will cease and the new world will spring forth. ''[approaches Lelouch, Suzaku, and C.C.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch, what was your motivation for wanting to control the world?
:'''Lelouch''': Don't waste my time, Suzaku. You know it was for Nunnally&amp;mdash;
:'''Suzaku''': You're ''still'' using her as your excuse?
:'''Lelouch''': ...Yes, you're right. I am. I've fought to protect everything I thought I wanted to protect.
:'''Suzaku''': If you're going to achieve that end, then you need to take action.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes. The means to that end requires me to reject something. 
:'''Suzaku''': Which is...?
:'''Lelouch''': That ''I''...''[faces the emperor]'' I reject you! And I reject everything you believe! Why do people lie? It isn't only because they struggle against each other! It's also because there is something that they're seeking. ''[C.C. looks down.]'' You now want a world without change. How stagnant! You can hardly call it life, the same as a world of memories. Just a world that's closed and completed...that's a place I wouldn't want to live in. 
:'''Marianne''': But Lelouch, are you saying you're rejecting me as well?
:'''Lelouch''': That depends. Is your desire the same as His Majesty's, Mother?
:'''Marianne''': It will be so good to rejoin all the people from whom we've been separated. You could be reunited with those who have died, even Euphemia.
''[Suzaku narrows his eyes, clearly pained.]''
:'''Lelouch''': As I expected. You both believe that this new world you envision would be best for all. But forcing good intentions on others is no different from an evil act.
:'''Charles''': In time, the people will come to accept it&amp;mdash;
:'''Lelouch''': ''[cutting him off]'' That time will never come! Only one thing is undeniably certain; I understand now that what you did to Nunnally and me may have been done out of good intentions. But the hard fact remains that you abandoned us in a foreign land!
:'''Marianne''': But we did that to protect you...! 
:'''Lelouch''': ''Then why didn't you stop the war between Japan and Britannia?!'' ''[Marianne stops, disarmed.]'' The plan was such a priority for you both, that it didn't matter to either of you if Nunnally and I were alive or dead! That's why you abandoned us. All you have left are self-serving excuses!
:'''Marianne''': Lelouch, you're wrong!
:'''Lelouch''': You just told me! You said that the dead would rejoin the living! You don't give a damn about the future!
:'''Charles''': The future is the Ragnarök Connection! Once it's finally done, the gentler existence that Nunnally spoke of will&amp;mdash;
:'''Lelouch''': ''Stop it!'' The world you're speaking of will be kinder and gentler only to you! The world that my sister wished for...is one in which kindness was extended to everyone, even strangers!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[thinking]'' He may be right. At the very least, Euphie never said that Lelouch was Zero, even to the very end. Shirley didn't either. That's why I...!
:'''Charles''': Let's say it was true: what of it? There's nothing to be done about it, the Ragnarök Connection has begun!
:'''Lelouch''': You think so? I am Zero! ''[activating his Geass]'' The man who works miracles!
:'''Charles''': Your Geass power will have no effect on me, nor will on anyone else here!
:'''Lelouch''': No! There's someone else here, isn't there?
''[Charles gasps, realizing what he means]''
:'''Lelouch''': That's right! C's World is the will of mankind itself! And &quot;All men are not equal&quot;; remember those words? They're your own! And because of that, I'm sure you realize that my power ''will'' work!
:'''Charles''': You're a fool, Lelouch! God cannot be defeated by the Power of the King!
:'''Lelouch''': I don't intend to defeat God! This is a request! Yes...now I know who I really am! ''God, collective unconscious!'' '''PLEASE, DON'T STOP THE MARCH OF TIME!!!'''
:'''Marianne''': ''[running toward Lelouch]'' Lelouch, you ungrateful child!
''[Suzaku bars her path, his sword brandished.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Nobody'' would've wanted this! No one, and ''especially not'' Euphie!
:'''Marianne''': And I saved you so that you could talk to Euphie again&amp;mdash;!
:'''Suzaku''': Meaning you were going to force me to, right?!
:'''Charles''': ''[to Lelouch]'' You can't do this, boy! Not against God nor all of humanity itself!
:'''Lelouch''': Regardless, what I want...is '''TOMORROW!!!'''
''[Lelouch's Geass evolves, as he uses it to bring down the Thought Elevator]''
:'''Marianne''': It can't be!
:'''Charles''': The Thought Elevator is falling! The dream that I, Marianne, and my brother all shared&amp;mdash;
:'''C.C.''': ''[sitting down]'' Charles, just stop already. It was presumptuous to us to even attempt this.
:'''Charles''': C.C., we still bear the marks of Geass; no matter what occurs, we&amp;mdash;
''[Charles' body is now being consumed by C's World]''
:'''Lelouch''': This isn't a falsehood, father. It's reality's response.
:'''Marianne''': Darling, you... ''[stops short as her body begins to vanish as well]''
:'''Charles''': No, it's not impossible! I'm supposed to be immortal! We're being absorbed?! ''Consumed by C's World?!''
:'''Marianne''': But what about C.C.? Why isn't she disappearing as well?! You supported this plan as much as we did!
:'''C.C.''': Sorry. But I finally realized: the love you have...is only for yourselves.
:'''Marianne''': No, that's not true at all. We love our children very much!
:'''Lelouch''': Do you have any idea of the meaning behind Nunnally's beautiful smile?
:'''Marianne''': The meaning...?
:'''Lelouch''': Why don't you understand? Nunnally was blinded! My own sister was crippled! She knew...she knew that there were things in this world that she would never be able to do by herself! So her smile...Nunnally's smile...was her way of expressing gratitude!
:'''Charles''': You're laboring under a delusion&amp;mdash;!
:'''Lelouch: I will not let you call that a lie!''' Over my dead body! Your refusal to face reality! Content to watch us from afar! Don't make me laugh! There's only one truth here: You, my own parents&amp;mdash;'''YOU ABANDONED US!!!'''
:'''Charles''': '''YOU CLEVER LITTLE FOOL!!!''' ''[rushes forward, grabs Lelouch's neck]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[before Suzaku can interfere]'' Suzaku. Stay out of this.
:'''Charles''': Can't you understand that if you refuse me and what I offer, you will inherit ''his'' world, ''Schneizel's'' world! Do not judge me! Good and evil intentions are both sides of the same card! Even then, you still...!
:'''Lelouch''': No matter what, I will always reject the world you envision. '''BEGONE NOW!!!'''
''[Charles and Marianne disintegrate, screaming]''

''[TOKYO, ONE MONTH LATER...]''
:'''Milly''': ''[broadcasting]'' It has been one month since the destruction caused by the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' warhead. Today His Majesty, Emperor Charles will make an important announcement to the entire nation. We will bringing you live international coverage of this from Pendragon Imperial Palace. Even though His Majesty had not made any public appearances in the past month.
''[In the throne room of the emperor]''
:'''Carine le Britannia''': Didn't somebody say that the emperor was missing?
:'''Guinevere su Britannia''': Bismarck was the one who reported that and he is gone.
:'''Odysseus eu Britannia''': As for Schneizel and the others, where are they?
:'''Guinevere''': Don't know, there's been no word from Cambodia yet.
:'''Royal Guard''': Presenting His Imperial Majesty!
''[Everyone prepares the return of Emperor Charles, but suddenly Lelouch appears]''
:'''Odysseus''': Huh?
:'''Guinevere''': But that's not...
:'''Carine''': Where's His Majesty?
''[Lelouch sits on the throne]''
:'''Milly''': What the hell?!
:'''Rivalz''': WHAT?! It can't be!
:'''Kallen''': But how...? There's no way!
:'''Lelouch''': Greetings, I'm Lelouch vi Britannia of the Royal Family, 99th Emperor of the Realm.
:'''Bismarck Waldstein''': Good Lord!
:'''Gino''': How could this be?
:'''Carine''': It's really you?!
:'''Guinevere''': You're alive?!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, sister, I am. I've returned from the depths of hell ''intact''. 
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, how good to see you! When Nunnally was located, I figured that you would be found alive too. But now, aren't you carrying this joke a bit too far? That's the throne of our father...
:'''Lelouch''': Charles zi Britannia, the 98th Emperor, no longer lives, and I'm the one who took his life. ''[Everyone gasps]'' Therefore, that makes me the next emperor!
:'''Carine''': What are you saying?! Are you nuts?!
:'''Guinevere''': Guards! Take that fool and execute him! He's guilty of murdering our emperor!!!
''[The guards were about to kill Lelouch but Suzaku defeated all at once]''
:'''Kallen''': Suzaku! But why?!
:'''Lelouch''': May I introduce, Suzaku Kururugi, my knight! A knight of the realm above all others! I granted him a title the &quot;Knight of Zero&quot;!
:'''Kaguya''': Suzaku?! They're working together?!
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, Sir Kururugi. This just won't do, pulling a bad stunt like this on an international broadcast...
:'''Lelouch''': Do you think so? Then let me make this easy for you all to understand... ''[activates his Geass on everyone]'' '''Acknowledge me as your emperor!'''
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, I insist that you stop joking around like that... ''[Everyone is now under the control of his Geass]'' We hear and obey, Your Majesty!
:'''Carine and Guinevere''': All Hail Emperor Lelouch!!!
:'''Everyone''': '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' ''' ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!'''

=== ''Emperor Lelouch'' ===
:'''Reporter''': Ninety-ninth emperor Lelouch, who ascended to the throne only a few days ago, has ordered the destruction of the Imperial Mausoleum, which held the remains of past Britannian emperors. Following his abolition of the aristocracy and breaking up plutocratic cliches, and the liberation of the Numbers, Odysseus and other royals express support the new emperor despite these actions.

=== ''Schneizel's Guise'' ===

:''[Cornelia is discussing with Schneizel about the destruction of the Britannian capital city Pendragon.]''
:'''Schneizel''': Yes? What about it?
:'''Cornelia''': You mean the people of Pendragon were...
:'''Schneizel''': I made them vanish. It was better for them than a life-swearing loyalty to Lelouch, wouldn't you say?
:'''Cornelia''': They're our own people! And you told Nunnally...
:'''Schneizel''': Lies are expedient. There's no need to tell Nunnally things that would get in the way of her opposition to Lelouch is there? She'll never know the difference.
:'''Cornelia''': You use everyone...even your own sister?
:'''Schneizel''': Cornelia, what is it that people truly want? Starvation and poverty? Discrimination and corruption? War and terrorism? They want the problems that are flooding the world to go away forever. People can't understand each other under these situations at all.
:'''Cornelia''': Your theories don't justify butchering civilians!
:'''Schneizel''': Even civilians who have rejected war depend on the police, don't they? Everyone knows, don't they, that people are driven by their own desires. The lust that dwells within the soul of man cannot be denied. ''[Schneizel pushes three buttons on a panel to have a world map appear on the monitor.]'' So why win hearts and minds or tout some shining ideology, why not bring peace to the world with system and power? In ten days, ''Damocles'' will enter the airspace of the United States of China and then switch over to a secondary acceleration. After that, we're scheduled to ascend three-hundred kilometers above the surface. From there, we will hit every enemy nation with ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''s.
:'''Cornelia''': Are you insane?! We only agreed to use them against Lelouch! This will destroy the world! You're trying to control people through fear!
:'''Schneizel''': Mankind's history is war. Peace is an illusion. To turn illusion into reality is a arduous task. It requires discipline.
:'''Cornelia''': And you plan to discipline the entire human race all by yourself?! Only a god could pull that off!
:'''Schneizel''': Then I shall become a god. If that is what it takes to bring peace to the world.
:'''Cornelia''': You're deranged...''[Diethard and Kanon enter.]''
:'''Diethard''': Magnificent! I knew I was right to change sides and support you! Surpassing Zero's chaos with a state of perfect nothingness and a kaleidoscopic transformation!
:'''Kanon''': Prince Scneizel, we've made contact with the Black Knights. They say if you plan to kill Lelouch, they're willing to join immediately.
:'''Schneizel''': Thank you, Kanon. ''[At Cornelia]'' Those who've experienced Lelouch's tyranny firsthand will have no alternative but to choose the lesser of evils.
:'''Cornelia''': Is that why you stayed back and let Lelouch get away with this until now?!
:'''Schneizel''': It was a way to minimize the damage. But in the end, if we have to sacrifice one or two billion lives to achieve a state of permanent peace...
:'''Cornelia''': You're wrong! Peace obtained by force is not peace! ''[Draws her sword and charges at Schneizel. Schneizel snaps his fingers which activate a hidden machine gun which guns down Cornelia.]''
:'''Schneizel''': This is so sad, Cornelia.

=== ''The Grip of'' Damocles ===

:'''Lelouch''': Schneizel, You knew but you kept the truth from me all this time, just so you can play this card at the right moment! Still the way that you shuffled the deck was more than artful...it was remarkable, and effective.

=== ''Re; '' ===

:''[Nunnally is refusing to give Lelouch the key to launch the'' F.L.E.I.J.A.''s.]''
:'''Nunnally''': Lelouch, you have no right to seize control of the world. You of all people, who took the name Zero then bent the will of so many in order to serve your own.
:'''Lelouch''': Are you saying we would have been better off to remain in hiding? Did you want a future of living in constant fear of assassination? This was for your future too, Nunnally.
:'''Nunnally''': My future?! When did I ever say I wanted this? Lelouch, I would have been completely satisfied by just living with you!
:'''Lelouch''': Don't you see? Our reality is restricted by all sorts of things! Our whole history is struggle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': You are the only one I didn't want to use it on''. [To Nunnally]'' Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: '''Hand over the ''Damocles'' Key to me NOW!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jeremiah''': Why, you impudent!...
:'''Anya''': Memorize recording complete.
:'''Jeremiah''': Not quite!
:''[Jeremiah has sacrificed his'' Sutherland Sieg ''to defeat Anya's'' Mordred'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Fire!
:''[Jeremiah then self-destructs his'' Sutherland ''to damage the'' Mordred'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Memorize THIS! Memorize Jeremiah Gottwald! Commit it to memory, because that is the memorable name of the man who has defeated you!
:'''Anya''': Memory? What memory? I remember nothing. I have no memory.
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[thinking]'' No memories? Could it be?... ''(revealing his Geass Canceler)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Attention, entire world! Hear my proclamation! I am Lelouch vi Britannia, Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire and ''your only ruler''! Schneizel has surrendered to me. As a result of this, I am in control of both the ''Damocles'' '''and''' the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' weapons, and not even the Black Knights have the strength to oppose me now. If anyone dares to resist my supreme authority, they shall know the devastating powers of the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''s! Those who could challenge my military eule no longer exist. Yes,﻿ from this day, from this moment forward, ''the world belongs to me''! Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: Obey me, subjects! '''''Obey me, world!'''''
:'''Jeremiah''': All hail Lelouch!
:'''All''': All hail Lelouch! All hail Lelouch! All hail Lelouch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The only ones who should kill are those prepared to be killed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as he is being killed by Suzaku]''
:'''Lelouch''': The punishment for what you have done shall be this then...you will live on, always wearing that mask, serving as a knight for justice and truth.  You will no longer live your life as Suzaku Kururugi, ''(wipes his blood on Zero's mask)'' you shall sacrifice the ordinary pleasures of your life in benefit of the world for eternity. 
:'''Suzaku''': This Geass I do solemnly accept.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku, you shall kill me as promised. Right now all the hatred on the world is concentrated upon me as planned. Then all you have to do is erase my existence...put an end to this chain of hatred. The Black knights will have the legend of Zero left behind for them. Schneizel will work for Zero. Now the world can be united at one table, not through violence and military force, but through negotiation and talk.....it can embrace the future.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku you are going to be a hero. The messiah who saved everyone from the enemy of the world, Lelouch vi Brittania.....as Zero !! [Suzaku stabs Lelouch]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nunnally''': [''To Lelouch''] Lelouch? Are you...?
:'''Lelouch''': [''Silent and looks out forward with a sad smile on his face'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Gasps and puts her hand on Lelouch's'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Visualizes Lelouch and Suzaku putting the plan in action'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Realizes''] You mean... everything you've done until now? [''Places Lelouch's hand to her cheek as tears fell from her eyes''] Oh, big brother! I love you!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes... I... I destroy... the world... and create it... anew. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kallen''': Hey, Lelouch. The world has become a much better place since that eventful day. All the energy that was put to war is now being redirected towards poverty and hunger. All the world's evil and hatred has been thrown upon you... Maybe it was easier for the people to recognize the name of one man, instead of a system known as the ''Damocles''. Sounds too good to be true, eh? That's also the reason why people are not imprisoned by the past and can move towards the future... Even now you may be laughing and telling me, &quot;it was all according to your plan&quot;. Of course we still have problems... But even so...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last words of the series]''
:'''C.C.''': I said that the Geass is the power of the king which would condemn you to a life of solitude. I think that's not quite correct. Right, Lelouch?

== Cast ==
* [[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]] - [[w:Jun Fukuyama|Jun Fukuyama]] (Japanese), [[w:Johnny Yong Bosch|Johnny Yong Bosch]] (English)
* [[w:Suzaku Kururugi|Suzaku Kururugi]] - [[w:Takahiro Sakurai|Takahiro Sakurai]] (Japanese), [[w:Yuri Lowenthal|Yuri Lowenthal]] (English)
* [[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]] - [[w:Yukana|Yukana]] (Japanese), [[w:Kate Higgins|Kate Higgins]] (English)
* [[w:Nunnally Lamperouge|Nunnally Lamperouge]] - [[w:Kaori Nazuka|Kaori Nazuka]] (Japanese), [[w:Rebecca Forstadt|Rebecca Forstadt]] (English)
* [[w:Kallen Stadtfeld|Kallen Stadtfeld / Kallen Kōzuki]] - [[w:Ami Koshimizu|Ami Koshimizu]] (Japanese), [[w:Karen Strassman|Karen Strassman]] (English)
* [[w:Rolo Lamperouge|Rolo Lamperouge]] - [[w:Takahiro Mizushima|Takahiro Mizushima]] (Japanese), [[w:Spike Spencer|Spike Spencer]] (English)
* [[w:Schneizel el Britannia|Schneizel el Britannia]] - [[w:Norihiro Inoue|Norihiro Inoue]] (Japanese), [[w:Troy Baker|Troy Baker]] (English)
* [[w:Li Xingke|Li Xingke]] - [[w:Hikaru Midorikawa|Hikaru Midorikawa]] (Japanese), [[w:David Earnest|David Earnest]] (English)
* [[w:Jeremiah Gottwald|Jeremiah Gottwald]] - [[w:Ken Narita|Ken Narita]] (Japanese), [[w:Crispin Freeman|Crispin Freeman]] (English)

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://code-geass.bandai-ent.com/ Bandai Entertainment's official ''Code Geass'' website]
* [http://code-geassr2.bandai-ent.com/ Bandai Entertainment's Official ''Code Geass R2'' website]
* [http://www.adultswim.com/shows/codegeass/ Adult Swim's official ''Code Geass'' anime website]
* [http://www.adultswim.com/video/index.html Adult Swim Video]


[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Anime]]
[[Category:Anime and manga series]]
[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Code Geass|Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion]]''''' (2006-2007) and its sequel, '''''[[w:Code Geass|Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2]]''''' (2008), are anime television series. Both series were directed by [[w:Gorō Taniguchi|Gorō Taniguchi]] and written by Ichirō Ōkuchi. Both series have finished their broadcast run in Japan and have completely aired in the United States; in the United States, the second season immediately followed the first.

{{tv-cleanup}}

__NOTOC__
{| align=&quot;center&quot; class=&quot;wikitable&quot; cellspacing=&quot;0&quot;
! width=&quot;50%&quot; | [[#Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion| Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion]]
! width=&quot;50%&quot; | [[#Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2| Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.01--&gt; | [[#The Day a New Demon was Born | The Day a New Demon was Born]]
| &lt;!--2.01--&gt; | [[#The Day a Demon Awakens | The Day a Demon Awakens]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.02--&gt; | [[#The Awakened White Knight | The Awakened White Knight]]
| &lt;!--2.02--&gt; | [[#Plan For Independent Japan | Plan For Independent Japan]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.03--&gt; | [[#The False Classmate | The False Classmate]]
| &lt;!--2.03--&gt; | [[#Imprisoned in Campus | Imprisoned in Campus]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.04--&gt; | [[#His Name is Zero | His Name is Zero]]
| &lt;!--2.04--&gt; | [[#Counterattack at the Gallows | Counterattack at the Gallows]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.05--&gt; | [[#The Princess and the Witch | The Princess and the Witch]]
| &lt;!--2.05--&gt; | [[#Knights of the Round | Knights of the Round]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.06--&gt; | [[#The Stolen Mask | The Stolen Mask]]
| &lt;!--2.06--&gt; | [[#Surprise Attack Over the Pacific | Surprise Attack Over the Pacific]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.07--&gt; | [[#Attack Cornelia | Attack Cornelia]]
| &lt;!--2.07--&gt; | [[#The Abandoned Mask | The Abandoned Mask]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.08--&gt; | [[#The Black Knights | The Black Knights]]
| &lt;!--2.08--&gt; | [[#One Million Miracles | One Million Miracles]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.09--&gt; | [[#Refrain | Refrain]]
| &lt;!--2.09--&gt; | [[#A Bride in the Vermillion Forbidden City | A Bride in the Vermillion Forbidden City]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.10--&gt; | [[#Guren Dances | ''Guren'' Dances]]
| &lt;!--2.10--&gt; | [[#When the Shen Hu Wins Glory| When the ''Shen Hu'' Wins Glory]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.11--&gt; | [[#Battle for Narita | Battle for Narita]]
| &lt;!--2.11--&gt; | [[#Power of Passion | Power of Passion]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.12--&gt; | [[#The Messenger from Kyoto | The Messenger from Kyoto]]
| &lt;!--2.12--&gt; | [[#Love Attack! | Love Attack!]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.13--&gt; | [[#Shirley at Gunpoint | Shirley at Gunpoint]]
| &lt;!--2.13--&gt; | [[#The Assassin from the Past | The Assassin from the Past]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.14--&gt; | [[#Geass vs. Geass | Geass vs. Geass]]
| &lt;!--2.14--&gt; | [[#Geass Hunt | Geass Hunt]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.15--&gt; | [[#Cheering Mao | Cheering Mao]]
| &lt;!--2.15--&gt; | [[#C's World | C's World]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.16--&gt; | [[#Nunnally Held Hostage | Nunnally Held Hostage]]
| &lt;!--2.16--&gt; | [[#United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One | United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.17--&gt; | [[#Knight | Knight]]
| &lt;!--2.17--&gt; | [[#The Taste of Humiliation | The Taste of Humiliation]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.18--&gt; | [[#I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi | I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi]]
| &lt;!--2.18--&gt; | [[#The Second Final Battle of Tokyo | The Second Final Battle of Tokyo]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.19--&gt; | [[#Island of the Gods | Island of the Gods]]
| &lt;!--2.19--&gt; | [[#Betrayal | Betrayal]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.20--&gt; | [[#War at Kyushu | War at Kyushu]]
| &lt;!--2.20--&gt; | [[#Emperor Dismissed | Emperor Dismissed]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.21--&gt; | [[#Declaration at the School Festival | Declaration at the School Festival]]
| &lt;!--2.21--&gt; | [[#The Ragnarök Connection | The Ragnarök Connection]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.22--&gt; | [[#Bloodstained Euphie | Bloodstained Euphie]]
| &lt;!--2.22--&gt; | [[#Emperor Lelouch | Emperor Lelouch]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.23--&gt; | [[#At Least with Sorrow | At Least with Sorrow]]
| &lt;!--2.23--&gt; | [[#Schneizel's Guise | Schneizel's Guise]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.24--&gt; | [[#The Collapsing Stage | The Collapsing Stage]]
| &lt;!--2.24--&gt; | [[#The Grip of Damocles | The Grip of ''Damocles'']]
|-
| &lt;!--1.25--&gt; | [[#Zero | Zero]]
| &lt;!--2.25--&gt; | [[#Re; | Re;]]
|-
|}

== Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion ==
=== ''The Day a New Demon was Born'' ===
:'''[[w:Kallen Kōzuki|Kallen Stadtfeld]]''': ''[in her Knightmare Frame]'' You fellas know full well what this badass mother can do!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Lloyd Asplund|Lloyd Asplund]]''': A-ha!
:'''Bartley Asprius''': What are you doing?
:'''Lloyd''': Looking at a man who blundered, am I right?
:'''Bartley''': ''[riled]'' Why, you—
:'''Lloyd''': You really screwed this one up. Terrorists came along and stole whatever it was that you and Prince Clovis were secretly working on. Retrieving it is simple, but you want to sweep up all their compatriots in addition. Let the terrorists go, and you can find their hideout, too. ''[turns to his assistant, Cécile Croomy]'' Congratulations! Your reasoning was spot-on!
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Cécile Croomy|Cécile Croomy]]''': It was nothing. I just thought it was strange.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[C.C. enters Lelouch's mind and proposes the contract of Geass.]''
:'''[[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]]''': You don't want it to end here, do you?
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': What?
:'''C.C.''': You appear to have a reason for living.
:'''Lelouch''': The girl? That's impossible.
:'''C.C.''': If I grant you power, could you go on? I propose a deal—in exchange for this power, you must agree to make my one wish come true. Accept this contract, and you accept its conditions. While living in the world of humans, you will live unlike any other: a different providence, a different time, a different life. The Power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Are you prepared for this?
:'''Lelouch''': Yes! I hereby accept the terms of your contract!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has just been granted Geass by C.C. and is planning to use it on the Britannian royal guards who have him cornered]''
:'''Lelouch''': Say, how should a Britannian who detests his own country live his life?
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': Are you some kind of radical? Huh?
:'''Lelouch''': What's wrong? Why not shoot? Your opponent is just a schoolboy. Or have you finally realized…the only ones who should kill ''are those who are prepared to be killed!''
:''[Lelouch uncovers his left eye and activates Geass]''
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': What's happening here?!
:'''Lelouch''': I, Lelouch vi Britannia, commands you! Now, all of you:''Die!''
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': ''[laughs madly as he and his men are overcome by Geass]'' Happily, Your Highness!
:''[The royal guards all put their pistols to their necks]''
:'''Britannian royal Guard commander''': Fire!
:''[All royal guards present pull their triggers; Lelouch gasps in shock that he has indeed made them commit suicide]''
:'''Lelouch (voice-over)''': That was the turning point. Since that day, I've lived a lie: The lie of living. My name, too, was a lie. My personal history, a lie. Nothing but lies. I was sick to death of a world that couldn't be changed. But even in my lies, I refused to give up in despair. But now, this incredible power…it's mine.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[grins evilly]'' Well, then…

=== ''The White Knight Awakens'' ===

:''[Lelouch is musing on why C.C. granted him Geass when a'' Sutherland ''Knightmare Frame piloted by Viletta Nu barges in]''
:'''[[w:Villetta Nu|Villetta Nu]]''': ''[checks her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s visual sensors, gasps]'' How could all these royal guards be dead? ''[activates her Sutherland's loudspeakers and addresses Lelouch]'' What happened here, boy?! And why is a Britannian student in a place like this?! Are you deaf?! Answer me, or I'll-- ''[fires her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s machine gun around Lelouch]'' Answer me!
:'''Lelouch''': I order you to come out, at once! ''[activates Geass]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[is unaffected by Lelouch's Geass]'' Who the hell do you think you are to order me?!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[deactivates Geass and thinks]'' I see. It only works with direct eye contact. ''[aloud, as he turns to face the'' Sutherland ''with his hands up]'' My name is Alan Spacer. My father's a duke.
:'''Viletta''': Nobility?
:'''Lelouch''': My ID card's in my breast pocket. After you confirm who I am, I'll request your protection.
:'''Viletta''': ''[deactivates her Knightmare and disembarks, pistol in hand and pointed towards Lelouch]'' Keep your hands up in the air! I'll take out your ID.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[activates Geass]'' Now then, hand your Knightmare over to me.
:''[Viletta is overcome by Geass and points her pistol away from Lelouch]'' 
:'''Viletta''': Understood. The code number is XG21G2D4.
:''[Viletta throws her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s key at Lelouch, who catches it]''
:'''Lelouch''': Got it. ''[deactivates Geass and claims Viletta's Sutherland for his own]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': So, are we having a bad day?! Looks like you missed a chance to go to heaven, Private Kururugi.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': Good afternoon!
:'''Military Commanders''': What is it?! We're in the middle of an operation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has just forced Clovis to order the Britannian forces to cease fighting in the Shinjuku ghetto]''
:'''Clovis la Britannia''': Are you satisfied?
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': Very. Well done.
:'''Clovis''': And what shall we do now? Sing a few lively ballads, or perhaps a nice game of chess?
:'''Lelouch''': That has a familiar ring.
:'''Clovis''': Hmm?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[removes his helmet and casts it aside]'' Don't you recall? The two of us used to play chess together as boys. Of course, I would always win.
:'''Clovis''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': Remember? At the Aries Villa?
:'''Clovis''': You! Who are you?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[walks out of the shadows, revealing his face to Clovis]'' It's been a long time, big brother. ''[Clovis gasps]'' The eldest son of the late consort Marianne and 17th in line to the imperial throne, Lelouch vi Britannia, at your service.
:'''Clovis''': Lelouch! B-But I thought--
:'''Lelouch''': That I was dead? You were wrong. ''[sustained pause]'' I have returned, Your Highness, and I've come back to change everything.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The trick of real combat is that everyone is human.

=== ''The False Classmate'' ===
:'''[[w:Jeremiah Gottwald|Jeremiah Gottwald]]''': (on PA system) Why the hell we're letting the Elevens go? What about the poison gas they've stolen?
:'''Royal Guard''': But it's by order of Prince Clovis.
:'''Jeremiah''': What about Bartley? Get the general's staff on the line.
:'''Royal Guard''': They're not at their post, sir.
:'''Jeremiah''': Are you telling me Prince Clovis is alone on the con?
''(Lelouch confronts Clovis at gunpoint)''
:'''Clovis''': I'm overjoyed, Lelouch! They say you died once Japan was brought into the fold. What a blessing to have you back, we should depart for the homeland immediately.
:'''Lelouch''': So you can use me as a tool of diplomacy? It seems you forgotten why we were used as tools in the first place.
''(Clovis gasps)''
:'''Lelouch''': That's right. It was because my mother was killed.
''(In the flashback where Empress Marianne was assassinated)''
:'''Lelouch''': Mother held the title of Knight of Honor, but was a commoner by birth. No doubt the other imperial consorts held her in contempt. Even though you made it look like the work of terrorists, I'm no fool! You people killed my mother!
:'''Clovis''': It wasn't me! I swear to you, it wasn't!
:'''Lelouch''': Then tell me everything you know. The truth cannot be hidden from me any longer. By whose hands was she slain?
''(Lelouch use his Geass to make Clovis tell the truth)''
:'''Clovis''': My brother, Second Prince Schneizel, and Second Princess Cornelia. They can tell you.
:'''Lelouch''': They were at the heart of this? That's all that you know, isn't it?
''(Lelouch releases Clovis from his Geass)''
:'''Clovis''': (scarily) I swear, it wasn't me! I have... nothing to do with it!
:'''Lelouch''': (puts down his gun) I believe you. However...
''(Lelouch puts his gun close to Clovis' face)''
:'''Clovis''': Please, you can't! We may have different mothers, but you and I are still blood!
:'''Lelouch''': You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty.
''(Lelouch pulls the trigger and kills Clovis)''

=== ''His Name is Zero'' ===

:'''Jeremiah''': ''[as a fake version of Prince Clovis' car approaches the military convoy escorting Suzaku]'' You dare desecrate His Highness's transport? Come out of there!
''[Upper part of transport burns away, revealing Zero. Jeremiah and crowd gasps.]''
:'''[[w:Zero (Code Geass)|Zero]]''': I am…'''Zero.'''
:'''Villetta''': Zero?
:'''Reporter''': Who—who is this person, this man calling himself Zero, standing before a full military convoy?
:'''Rivalz''': ''[worried]'' What is all this?
:'''Shinichirō Tamaki''': What the ''hell'' does he think he's doing?!
:'''Reporter''': Who is this man calling himself &quot;Zero&quot;? Ladies and gentlemen, the scene down here...
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Diethard Ried|Diethard Ried]]''': Zero? What, you mean like, &quot;nothing&quot;?
:'''Reporter''': Are we gazing on a terrorist? Certainly not the wisest, if such is the case.
:'''[[w:Suzaku Kururugi|Suzaku Kururugi]]''': ''[thinking]'' Is he…an Eleven?
:'''Zero''': ''[thinking]'' Now to return the favor, Suzaku.
:'''Jeremiah''': I've seen enough, Zero. This little show of yours is over.
''[Jeremiah shoots gun, signaling more Sutherlands enter from above. Kallen gasps.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': First things first: why don't you lose that mask?
''[Zero's right hand hovers over face then feints, raising arm up and snaps his fingers. On cue, the transport's rear breaks away, revealing the capsule from the first episode.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[shocked]'' What in the—?!
:'''Villetta''': Jeremiah, be careful, he's got the—!
:'''Zero''': ''[thinking]'' Yes, Jeremiah. ''[recalls when capsule first opened, revealing C.C.]'' You never saw inside this thing, so you assume it holds poison gas.
:'''Suzaku''': Wait, you don't understand— ''[electric collar activated]'' Kuh!
:'''Reporter''': Can all of you watching at home see this? It's some sort of device, although its purpose is unclear. Stay with us, and we'll see if this so-caled terrorist has anything to say.
:'''Jeremiah''': You bastard… He's taken every Britannian here hostage…and he's done it without them even knowing! ''[points gun at Zero]''
:'''Zero''': You intend to shoot? I think you know full well what…
:'''Diethard''': Unit 6, bring up the sound and get that camera right in his face.
:'''Cameraman''': Sir, it's too hairy out here. 
:'''Diethard''': ''[growling]'' Amateurs. ''[grabs another news camera and heads out to the scene]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Fine. What are you demands?
:'''Zero''': An exchange: this for Kururugi.
:'''Jeremiah''': Like hell. He's charged with high treason for murdering a prince. I can't hand him over. 
:'''Zero''': No. You're mistaken, Jeremiah. ''He's'' no murderer. 
''[Diethard runs out onto the street, zooming in on Zero with his camera]''
:'''Zero''': The man who killed Clovis… ''[looks directly at Diethard's camera]'' …'''''was myself!'''''
''[The crowd gasps]''
:'''Cécile''': Unbelievable. 
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': ''[interested]'' The real culprit, eh?
:'''Reporter''': What—What does this mean? This masked man called Zero—no, we can't be sure ''who'' he is—but in any case, he claims to be the real assassin! So where does this leave the current suspect, Private Kururugi?
:'''Kaname Ohgi''': Ugh, ''crap,'' there's no way out of this…!
:'''Kallen''': ''[trembling in fear, whispering]'' We are so ''screwed…''
:'''Zero''': For a single Eleven, you'll save scores of precious Britannians. I find that to be a bargain.
:'''Diethard''': ''[thinking]'' This is all one big performance to him. 
:'''Jeremiah''': He's mad, I tell you! Disguising this truck as His Highness's—he'll pay the price for mocking the crown!
''[Sutherlands aim at Zero.]''
:'''Zero''': Careful! You don't wish the public to learn of &quot;Orange&quot;, do you?
:'''Jeremiah''': Huh?
:'''Britannian soldier 1''': ''[confused]'' &quot;Orange&quot;? What's he talking about?
:'''Britannian soldier 2''': ''[just as lost]'' I don't know.
''[Zero taps his right foot twice, signaling Kallen to slowly drive forward—toward Jeremiah]''
:'''Zero''': If I die, it will all go public. If you don't want that to happen…
:'''Jeremiah''': What are you talking about? What is this?!
''[A small part of Zero's mask slides open, revealing his left eye.]''
:'''Zero''': ''[activating his Geass]'' You'll do everything in your power to let us go. Your prisoner as well!
''[The Geass is successful.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Right, understood. ''[to the guards]'' You there, release the prisoner!
''[Kallen gasps.]''
:'''Villetta''': ''[shocked]'' What on earth are you doing, my lord?!
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[ignoring her]'' Get that man over here!
:'''Villetta''': Huh…?
:'''Britannian soldier 1''': Should we?
:'''Britannian soldier 2''': But…
:'''Jeremiah''': Hand him over! Nobody gets in his way.
:'''Kewell Soresi''': No! What are you thinking? You can't do this!
:'''Jeremiah''': Lord Kewell! This is an order!
:'''Reporter''': It's hard to tell what's happening from here…but it seems that Kururugi's release has been brokered!
''[Zero and Suzaku both reach the street and approach each other.]''
:'''Suzaku''': So who the hell are you—? ''[electric collar shocks him again]'' Guh!
:'''Zero''': As I thought. They didn't allow you to speak. 
:'''Villetta''': ''[reentering her Knightmare]'' If they get away, we'll lose everything!
:'''Kallen''': ''[walking up to Zero]'' It's time to go, Zero.
:'''Zero''': Well then…'til next time. ''[Zero pulls out a remote and presses the top button. The capsule releases colored smoke, sending Britannians scrambling for cover.]''
:'''Villetta''': ''[aiming at Zero's group]'' You cowardly Eleven! ''[shoots, but is stopped by Jeremiah]'' Lord Jeremiah, what're you—?!
:'''Jeremiah''': You heard me! '''Stand down! ''NOW!'''''
''[Zero, Kallen, and Suzaku jump off the bridge, escaping from the scene.]''
:'''Kewell''': They're not alone at all! They jumped right off!
''[The three land right into a net sprung by Ogi's Knightmare, landing safely into a truck.]''
:'''Ohgi''': ''[unable to believe their luck]'' It worked! Now we can— ''[Kewell's Sutherland fires]'' —ugh!
''[Kewell damages Ogi's unit, forcing the latter to eject.]''
:'''Kewell''': You imbecile! There's nowhere for you to run—!
:'''Jeremiah''': '''''Lord Kewell!''''' ''[Soresi turns to see Jeremaih aiming his Sutherland rifle at him]'' Are you going to follow orders or not? And believe me, there ''will'' be repercussions! All units, do I make myself clear? '''''Do everything in your power to help them get away!'''''

=== ''The Princess and the Witch'' ===
''[Euphemia finds and befriends a cat with a wounded leg; she shows it to Suzaku, but it bites him.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Ah…
:'''[[w:Euphemia li Britannia|Euphemia li Britannia]]''': Oh, my!
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Jeremiah Gottwald's'' Sutherland ''has been cornerned by Kewell Soresi and three other Loyalist pilots in their own'' Sutherlands'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Damn! It's four against one! ''Coward!''
:'''Kewell''': Don't worry, Jeremiah. We'll say you died in battle. Your family's name won't be disgraced.
:'''Jeremiah''': You're serious, then?! You actually intend to kill me?! ''Kewell!''
:'''Kewell''': Silence, ''Orange!'' We serve the Imperial Family! Why else would we be here?!
:''[Kewell and the other Loyalists all charge towards Jeremiah with their lances]''
:'''Kewell and the Loyalist pilots''': ''[in unison]'' '''ALL…HAIL…BRITANNIA!!!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;25%&quot;/&gt;
(''Euphemia steps out to stop the fighting'')
:'''Euphemia''': Everyone lower your weapons at once! In my name, I command you!
:'''Kewell''': It can't be!
:'''Euphemia''': I am Euphemia li Britannia of the Empire and the Third Princess of the Royal Family.
:'''Suzaku''': (gasps) Euphie!
:'''Euphemia''': I'm assuming command here, now fall back!
:'''Jeremiah''': It is her, it's the princess.
:'''Cécile''': Didn't you know it was her, Lloyd?
:'''Lloyd''': Uh-huh, but she's been a student up until now, and doesn't need a public debut yet.
:'''Kewell''': We... We're truly.. We're truly sorry, Your Highness!
(''Kewell and the Purebloods bow to Princess Euphemia'') 
:'''Suzaku''': Milady! I have no idea who you were. Please forgive me, Princess!
:'''Euphemia''': Suzaku, you and I bear similar deep pain. You have lost your father as I have lost my brother.
(''Suzaku gasp'')
:'''Euphemia''': Will you let me help you in your quest ensure that no one ever again has to suffer the lost of a loved one on the battlefield?
(''Suzaku bows to the Third Princess'')
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, I'm... I'm not worthy of your kindness!

(''A conversation is being talk between Euphemia and her older sister Second Princess Cornelia'')
:'''Cornelia li Britannia''': I heard what you did Euphemia, you shouldn't be so reckless.
:'''Euphemia''': I know Sister, forgive me but-
:'''Cornelia''': You will address me as Viceroy here, Sub-Viceroy Euphemia. Because we're sisters, we need to follow a stricter protocol.
:'''Euphemia''': Yes, I understand.
:'''Cornelia''': Hmm. (''turns to the vice minister'') Now, then. Give me your report.
:'''Vice minister''': Yes, milady. The first order of business is a welcome party we arranged for Your Highness-
(''Cornelia points her gun at the vice minister'')
:'''Cornelia''': Sloppy. Senile. Corrupt. Where is Zero?! I want the enemy of the Empire caught! Get Zero!

=== ''The Stolen Mask'' ===

:'''C.C.''': That wasn't my fault, was it? I didn't touch or rub anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emperor Charles zi Britannia''': &quot;All men are not created equal. Some are born swifter afoot, some with greater beauty. Some are born into poverty; and others are born sick and feeble. Both in birth and in upbringing, in sheer scope of ability, every human is inherently different! Yes, that is why people discriminate against one another, which is why there is struggle, competition, and the unfaltering march of progress! Inequality is not wrong, equality is! What of the EU who made equality a right? Rabble politics by a popularity contest. The Chinese Federation with its equal distribution of wealth? A nation of lazy dullards. But not our beloved Britannia. We fight, we compete; evolution is continuous! Britannia alone moves forward; advancing steadily into the future. Even the death of my son Clovis demonstrates Britannia’s unswerving commitment to progress! We will fight on, we shall struggle, compete, plunder, and dominate and in the end the future shall be ours! All Hail Britannia!&quot;

=== ''Attack Cornelia'' ===

:'''Shirley Fenette''': I know Kallen said I had it all wrong, but it seemed like she was getting upset in order to fool me.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[holding a telephone]'' Which is why, in this case, it's best to simply ask him directly. On your behalf, I can ask him how he feels about you.
:'''Shirley''': What?! You'd really do that?!
:'''Suzaku''': Just relax. It'll be fine.
:'''Shirley''': ''[charges towards Suzaku, takes the phone from him, and slams it on the receiver]'' Are you nuts?! No way!
:''[meanwhile, Lelouch is in the cockpit of a stolen Sutherland, conducting terrorist operations in the Saitama ghetto]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[looks at his cell phone]'' Hmm? Oh, whatever.
:''[back at Ashford Academy, Suzaku and Shirley are fighting over the phone]''
:'''Suzaku''': Oh, come on, let me handle this for you! I'll be discreet!
:'''Shirley''': I don't want your help, okay?!
:'''Suzaku''': It's going to be fine!
:''[Suzaku and Shirley fumble and drop the phone, and Suzaku falls on top of Shirley; Arthur the cat is also knocked off his perch during the struggle]''
:'''Suzaku''': Sorry.
:''[Shirley gasps; Suzaku then grimaces as Arthur bites his hand]''
:'''Shirley''': Uh-oh. Does that hurt much?
:'''Suzaku''': Greatly.

:(''In the Britannian homeland, 8 years ago'')
:'''Royal Guard''': Announcing Prince Lelouch vi Britannia, seventeenth heir to the royal Britannian imperial throne!
:'''Male Noble''': I heard Empress Marianne was killed inside of the Britannia Palace.
:'''Male Noble''': There's no way terrorists could've gotten in there.
:'''Male Noble''': Which means that the real assassins must have-
:'''Male Noble''': Shh!, beware my friend, you'll regret it if anyone hears that kind of talk around the palace.
:'''Male Noble''': And yet the boy remains, even though his mother is dead, is over.
:'''Male Noble''': And the Ashford family who stood behind him is finished as well.
:'''Female Noble''': And his sister, the princess?
:(''Nunnally in the hospital'')
:'''Male Noble''': I understand she was shot in the legs and that she lost her sight!
:'''Male Noble''': Blindness caused by trauma though, isn't it?
:'''Male Noble''': No difference, now she can't be married off through political gain.

(''Lelouch approaching his father, the Britannian Emperor'')
:'''Lelouch''': Hail, Your Majesty! My mother the Empress is dead.
:'''Charles''': Old news. What of it?
:'''Lelouch''': What of it?!
:'''Charles''': You sought an audience with the Emperor of Britannia to simply inform me of that. Send the next one in. I have no time for these childish games.
(''Lelouch running to the emperor'')
:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''': Father!
(''Guards run to stop Lelouch, but Charles raise his hand to halt them'')
:'''Guards''': Yes, Your Majesty!
:'''Lelouch''': Why didn't you keep Mother out of harm's way? You're the emperor, the greatest man in this nation, if not the world, you should've protected her and now you don't even visit Nunnally!
:'''Charles''': I'm no use for that weakling.
:'''Lelouch''': That weakling?
:'''Charles''': That is what it means to be royalty.
:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''':'' (angrily)'' Then I don't want to be your heir, I give up my claim to the throne! (''Nobles gasp of what Lelouch is saying'') I'm sick of the fighting and scheming over who will succeed you, Father. I've had enough!
:'''Charles zi Britannia''': You are dead. You were always been dead to me, dead from the moment you were born. Who gave you the fine clothes you wear and comfortable home? The food you eat and your very life? All of those, I have given to you. In short, you are not nothing to me because you have never existed. Yet you dare to speak such foolishness to me?! (''Lelouch falls as his father rises from the throne'') Lelouch, you are dead, therefore you are not entitled to any rights. I am sending you and Nunnally to Japan, as prince and princess. You will serve well as bargaining tools.

:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''': Until I met you, I was dead an impotent corpse existing behind a false guise of life. A life in which I did nothing real. Day to day I simple went through the motions of living, as if I were a zombie and I always had the feeling that I was gradually dyeing. If I am condemned to go back to that then I would rather...

=== ''The Black Knights'' ===
''(During the hotel hijacking)''
''(Nina sees a Japanese soldier)''
:'''Nina Einstein''': An…Eleven?
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''[riled] What'' did you say?!
''[Nina gasps in fear.]''
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''[point his gun at them]'' We're not Elevens! We're ''Japanese'', damn it!
:'''Milly Ashford''': Yes, we're aware of that! Just lay off of her!
:'''Japanese soldier''': Then correct her! We're not called Elevens!
:'''Shirley''': Fine, we'll correct her!
:'''Japanese soldier''': How dare you speak like that to me! You three, come with me to the next room and I'll teach you a real lesson!
:'''Nina''': ''[sobbing]'' No…No!
''[Euphemia tries to get up, but is stopped by her subordinate.]''
:'''Japanese solider''': I said, ''get up '''now!''' [grabs Nina's arm]''
:'''Nina''': Ahhhhh! Let me go!
:'''Euphemia''': ''[stands up]'' Stop it!
:'''Japanese soldier''': Who the hell are you?! ''[throws Nina to the side]''
:'''Euphemia''': I demand you to take me to your leader right now! Understand?
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''What?!''
:'''Subordinate''': ''[in an urgent whisper]'' No, Sub-Viceroy, ''please!''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[takes off her glasses]'' You're addressing Euphemia li Britannia, the Third Princess of the Britannian Empire.
''[All Japanese and Britannians present gasp.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[to Nina]'' Are you all right, young lady? You haven't been hurt?
:'''Nina''': ''[almost speechless]'' No…
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(Lelouch reveals the [[w:List of Code Geass characters#The Black Knights|Black Knights]] to the world.)''
:'''Lelouch (as Zero)''': People! Fear us, or rally behind us as you see fit! We are the Black Knights!
:'''Cécile''': Black Knights?
:'''Lloyd''': Ironic, isn't it? The terrorists referring to themselves as knights?
:'''Zero''': We of the Black Knights stand with all those who have no weapons to wield…regardless of whether they be Elevens or Britannians! The Japan Liberation Front cowardly took innocent Britannian civilians hostage, and they mercilessly executed them! It was a wanton and meaningless act; therefore, they have been punished…
:'''Diethard''': You heard me right! I said let it run! ''Liable?! I'll'' be the one responsible for this!
:'''Zero''': …just as [[w:List of Code Geass characters#Clovis la Britannia|former Viceroy Clovis]] was punished for ordering the slaughter of countless unarmed Elevens. We cannot stand by and allow such cruelty to be carried out, and so we made him pay for his actions. I will not repudiate battle on a fair and level field, but neither will I tolerate a one-sided massacre of the weak by the strong. The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed! Wherever oppressors abuse their power by attacking those who are powerless, we shall appear again, no matter how mighty or formidable our foe may be!
:'''Kallen''': ''(Thinking.)'' Knights…for justice?
:'''Zero''': Those of you with power, fear us! Those of you without it, rally behind us! We, the Black Knights, shall be the ones who stand in judgment of this world!

=== ''Refrain'' ===
:'''Kallen''': Ever since we made our big splash at the hotel-jacking, the Black Knights have taken the world by storm. We've become a friend to the weak, just as Zero proclaimed we would. Terrorists who involve civilians, an overbearing military, criminal syndicates, corrupt politicians, and profiteers; if the law would not punish them, then we would. In the blink of an eye, we'd become heroes. Support for us has swelled, and we've even gotten our hands on some Knightmares again. Of course, no one could show that in public, because... Because our leader Zero had killed Prince Clovis. There are many in our ranks who wish to know his true identity, myself included. But if we push too hard, I suspect that he would vanish. And without him... I'm fairly certain we'd be finished.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen is standing outside the Student Council room]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[yawns]'' Man, this double life sure is a killer.
:'''Milly''': ''[muffled]'' Come on, Suzaku, hold him down!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[muffled]'' Damn it, Suzaku, cut it out! ''[Kallen opens the door to the Student Council room]'' Stop it! I'm not kidding!
:'''Suzaku''': Sorry, Lelouch, but it's the President's orders.
:''[Kallen finds Nina wearing a hat and sitting at a computer and Suzaku, Shirley, Milly, and Rivalz all dressed in cat costumes and struggling to apply makeup to a visibly defiant Lelouch, who is tied to a chair and struggling to get out]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yeah, like you're not enjoying this at all?!
:'''Shirley''': Would you hold still?!
:'''Milly''': ''[notices Kallen's presence and turns to her]'' Good &quot;meow&quot;-ning.
:'''Kallen''': Good…morning, I guess. ''[Lelouch, Suzaku, Shirley, and Rivalz all look at her]'' What is all this?
:'''Rivalz Cardemonde''': What do you mean? Didn't we tell you? It's our welcome party for Arthur.
:'''Kallen''': Sounds like fun.
:'''Milly''': ''[chuckles]'' Well, classes are postponed. We might as well have some fun, right?
:'''Shirley''': We set some stuff aside for you over here. ''[points towards a rack of cat costumes and several boxes of accessories]'' To make up for all my getting upset at you before. Take your pick.
:'''Kallen''': What? For me?
:'''Lelouch''': She doesn't need a costume.
:'''Kallen''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[to Kallen]'' You're already wearing a mask, right?
:'''Kallen''': ''[sarcastically, to Lelouch]'' You really are a riot, you know that? You ought to be on television.
:'''Rivalz''': ''[to Shirley]'' What do you think, Ms. TV Star?
:'''Suzaku''': Oh, I thought she meant Lelouch.
:'''Shirley''': ''[sighs]'' Would you quit joking about that?! The whole thing's a huge pain in the butt! We've been hounded with questions day and night! Even in the bath!
:'''Milly''': We haven't been able to leave school grounds in a week!
:'''Rivalz''': Not that I don't feel for you, but I don't see why we can't leave either!
:'''Milly''': Hmm, that's the price of friendship. ''[[w:Romance of the Three Kingdoms|The Romance of the Three Kingdoms]]'': &quot;It matters not that we were born apart. Upon this day, we die as one.&quot;
:'''Rivalz''': Is that your idea of a love quote?
:'''Milly''': If I go down, then we all do.
:'''Rivalz''': That's a little dark, right, Suzaku?
:'''Suzaku''': I'm glad… ''[tears start welling up in his eyes]'' That we could all be together again… You know, like this?
:'''Rivalz''': ''[jumps over Lelouch]'' Come on! We're supposed to be ''unwinding'' here! ''[takes Suzaku down to the ground with him]''
:''[Lelouch, Shirley, and Milly all laugh]''
:'''Shirley''': That's what's so refreshing about Suzaku, though.
:'''Milly''': Yeah, but once in a while, you just want him to get a clue, you know?
:'''Suzaku''': ''[muffled as Rivalz starts pushing on his cheeks]'' Sorry about that.
:'''Rivalz''': Aw, you love it, puddy tat.
:''[everyone starts laughing]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[thinking]'' It's so funny to think that I helped save their lives.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''C.C.''': ''[thinking]'' &quot;False tears can only hurt others. False smiles can only hurt yourself.&quot;

=== Guren ''Dances'' ===

:'''Cornelia''': You, the Japan Liberation Front. You whose time has left behind. You who have forgotten basic human decency. You and your dream of a bygone golden age shall fall and rot to nothingness. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''C.C.''': Lelouch, do you know why snow is white? It's because it has forgotten what color it once was...

=== ''Battle for Narita'' ===
:'''C.C.''':In their hearts, everyone has faith in their own existence and ultimate triumph, however when time and destiny unfold, this faith turns out to be quite fleeting and pointless.
:[''Voice over at the beginning of the episode.'']
:'''Narrator''': Man wants to believe his victory inevitable, but, in the face of time, hope is useless when one's fate has already been decided.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kewell is trying to engage his ejection seat as his'' Sutherland ''is being fried by the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Kewell''': Come on, move! I can't lose to Elevens! ''I am a Britannian!''
:''[Kewell's Sutherland explodes, killing him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a gravely wounded Jeremiah limps in front of a Britannian army cargo truck]''
:'''Britannian scientist #1''': Ugh, another soldier!
:'''Britannian scientist #2''': No wonder our battalions fell apart.
:'''Jeremiah''': I swear I'm not Orange! ''ZERO!!!''
:''[Jeremiah collapses]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''' ''(in response to C.C.'s question from the previous episode)'':C.C., I do not know why snow is white, but I do find such white snow beautiful.

=== ''The Messenger from Kyoto'' ===
:'''Lelouch''': I am grateful, Lord Kirihara.
:'''Taizō Kirihara''': Are you embarking on the path of blood?
:'''Lelouch''': Indeed, if that is my destiny...

=== ''Shirley at Gunpoint'' ===

:'''Cécile''': Oh, Lloyd! Care for another lesson in proper social etiquette? You look like you have some time to kill.
:'''Lloyd''': I'll have to take a pass on that.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Suzaku''': A victory won through dishonest means is no victory at all.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': I must spill yet more blood, so the blood already spilt will not be in vain.

=== ''Geass vs. Geass'' ===

:''[Shirley visits the memorial at Narita]''
:'''Shirley''': Lulu, how could you do this?
:'''Mao''': Yes, how could he?
:''[Shirley gasps and turns to face Mao]''
:'''Mao''': ''[claps]'' A very fine memorial. Isn't that right, Ms. Shirley Fenette?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mao''': He's a cruel man, isn't he? Lelouch.
:'''Shirley''': How do you know about Lulu?
:'''Mao''': Aw, he deceived you. Never told you he's Zero.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps and drops her bag]'' Who are you?! What do you want?!
:'''Mao''': The same mouth that ordered your father's death stole a kiss from your tender lips. He's a very bad man, and you ''like'' it. ''[Shirley shudders as he walks towards her]'' Punishment must be measured out, to him…and to ''you.''
:'''Shirley''': To me?
:'''Mao''': I know everything. All that happened that night.
:''[flash back to the previous night, during the Black Knight assault on the Britannian forces at the harbor; Shirley is in shock that Lelouch and Zero have been revealed to be one and the same]''
:'''Viletta''': Is that Zero?
:''[Shirley stands aside as Viletta approaches the unconscious Lelouch, kneels next to him, and grabs him by the hair]''
:'''Viletta''': Well, well, what a shocker. The student is Zero himself. A Britannian? ''[laughs evilly before letting go of Lelouch's hair]'' When I bring him to Viceroy Cornelia, she'll make me a noble! Not just a knight of honor, real nobility! And he's still alive, too! What kind of grand execution will they have in store for him. ''[stands up to face Shirley]'' Of course, you'll be rewarded too--
:''[Viletta gasps, as Shirley is now pointing her gun at her]''
:'''Viletta''': Stupid of me. He's your boyfriend, isn't he?! ''[charges towards Shirley]''
:'''Shirley''': ''Lulu! [guns down Viletta]''
:''[flash forward to the present day]''
:'''Mao''': So you're a killer, too. Just like Zero.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps]'' No! That's not true! I just--
:'''Mao''': And you actually ''used'' your father's death for your own gain.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps again] No!'' I just-- ''I just--''
:'''Mao''': Cunning little woman. You knew he'd feel sorry for you, didn't you, so you played it for all it was worth.
:'''Shirley''': ''No! You're wrong!''
:'''Mao''': Did his sympathy make you all tingly?
:'''Shirley''': ''Stop it!''
:'''Mao:''': Playing the tragic heroine again?
:'''Shirley''': No, I'm not doing that!
:'''Mao''': A girl who kills and then goes fishing for attention? Only evil witches do that.
:'''Shirley''': I didn't-- I never meant--
:'''Mao''': ''[walks even closer to Shirley]'' You ''knew'' there was another girl who liked Lelouch, and you wanted to get him away from her. ''[Shirley gasps once more]'' Now you have to pay the price, Shirley.
:''[Shirley falls to her knees and breaks down in tears]''
:'''Mao''': Do you want to carry these feelings around for the rest of your life? All by yourself? ''[starts clapping]'' Unless you atone and completely free your heart, you and Lelouch will both be lost in your sins, ''forever.''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''C.C.''': [''speaking to Lelouch''] You should stay way from those you do not wish to lose.

:'''Shirley''': I see.  You loved her, didn't you? You must feel terrible.
:'''Lelouch''': Right now, I don't know anymore.
:'''Shirley''': Well, the morning always comes again.
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Shirley''': I have to say it's funny, I know I came out here for some reason, but I can't remember exactly what it was now. Maybe it's because I already put the whole thing behind me, something I wanted to let go of. Maybe it was something I thought I couldn't forget. Maybe I was full of sadness. But, morning still comes right? That's why you shouldn't hold your thoughts back like that.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, you're right. I feel the same way now, Thanks a lot, for everything

=== ''Cheering Mao'' ===

:''[C.C. has followed Mao's request to meet him at Clovisland]''
:'''Mao''': ''[is riding on the carousel]'' C.C., your mind is so quiet! It's the only one I can't read! You really are the best there is!
:'''C.C.''': As childish as ever, I see.
:'''Mao''': I'm a prince on a white stallion…and a prince has to rescue the princess! ''[gets off the carousel and laughs]'' Does that make you happy, C.C.?
:'''C.C.''': Mao, we talked about this before. I told you that you and I--
:'''Mao''': Those were all lies! Lies! C.C., you love me, and this is how I know. ''[takes off his headphones]''
:'''Recording of C.C.'s voice''': Thank you, Mao. Mao! Mao.
:'''C.C.''': ''Stop it!''
:''[flash back to Mao's younger days as an orphan]''
:'''Mao''': '''BE QUIET!!!'''
:'''C.C.''': Don't listen to them. Just listen to the sound of my voice. That's it. Since my mind is the only one you can't read, and you can only be happy when you're with me, I will stay with you always. Yes…I'm right here, so you don't need to worry.
:''[flash forward to the present day]''
:'''Mao''': C.C., you're the only one! The only one I want, forever! Lelouch doesn't matter at all! ''[walks towards C.C.]'' If you'll just come with me--
:'''C.C.''': ''Stop it! [knocks Mao's headphones away and pulls a gun on him]'' I should have done this a long, long time ago.
:''[gunshot]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[C.C. falls to her knees after being shot in the arm by Mao]]''
:'''Mao''': I knew it! I knew you couldn't pull the trigger! That's because you really love me, C.C.! ''[laughs hysterically and claps]''
:'''[[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]]''': You're wrong! I was just using you right from the start!
:'''Mao''': What are you saying?! You shouldn't tell lies like that! You really shouldn't! ''[shoots C.C.]'' Lies are very, ''very'' wicked! ''Wicked lies! [shoots C.C. four more times]'' Don't worry! ''[shoots C.C. once more]'' I understand! C.C., you must listen to me! I've built a big, brand-new house in Australia! A very quiet, white, immaculate, special house! But to get to Australia, you'll need to take an airplane, and there isn't very much room. ''[starts walking away from C.C.]'' The thing is, C.C., you're a little too big to bring on a plane. ''[picks up a chainsaw]'' So that's why… ''[starts up the chainsaw]'' '''…I'm going to make you compact!''' It'll take no time at all! ''[saws right through a metal signpost, seemingly as if to prove his point]''
:'''C.C.''': Is this your revenge? You're punishing me?
:'''Mao''': Oh, no. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not at all! ''[turns towards C.C. and walks towards her]'' I'm showing you my gratitude!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[via prerecorded message played through Clovisland's television system]'' So this is the place that you picked.
:''[Mao turns off his chainsaw as he looks at the screen]''
:'''Lelouch''': A place where there'd be no one else's thoughts to bother you. That narrowed it way down.
:'''Mao''': Lelouch?
:'''Lelouch''': Since your Geass has a total maximum range of 500 meters, it can't reach me here at Tokyo Tower.
:'''Mao''': ''[laughs and claps]'' That's true, that's very true! But what can ''you'' do from so far away, hmm? After taking all that trouble to hack into the system, what's your grand plan? A remote-control attack with some battery-operated toys? Or a tongue-lashing to lecture me into submission? ''[no response from Lelouch]'' Ah, cat got ''your'' tongue now. If you want C.C., then you're gonna have to come--
:'''Lelouch''': Mao, think! You don't believe &quot;C.C.&quot; is her real name, do you? She never even whispers it to anyone.
:''[a shocked Mao looks at the screen, then at C.C.]''
:'''Lelouch''': But ''I'' know it, though. She told ''me'' her true name.
:'''Mao''': Is that right, C.C.? You never told me, ever, ever! But you told it to ''him?!''
:'''Lelouch''': You know why? Because C.C. is mine. C.C. belongs to me in every possible way.
:'''Mao''': ''No!'' She doesn't! She doesn't, she doesn't, she doesn't! She was ''mine'' long before she met ''you!''
:'''Lelouch''': I have gained every single thing from her, including all of the parts that ''you'' have never seen. ''All'' of them.
:'''Mao''': ''Lelouch! [starts up his chainsaw again] Face me! [charges towards the screen and starts slashing at it]'' Lelouch! Come here! Come here so I can look into your mind! I'll see the truth! I'll see what a liar you are! ''Liar!''
:'''Lelouch''': Mao. ''You've lost.''
:'''Mao''': What are you talking about?! ''[turns off his chainsaw]'' I don't care! I'm going to be with C.C.!

=== ''Nunnally Held Hostage'' ===

:''[Rivalz interrupts a conversation between Lelouch and Suzaku by charging in on his motorcycle]]''
:'''Rivalz''': Hey, Lelouch! ''[gets off his motorcycle]'' 
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': What's wrong?
:'''Rivalz''': I heard the President's doing a blind date thing again!
:'''Lelouch''': Yeah, today.
:'''Rivalz''': ''Today?! [grabs Lelouch by the collar]'' Why didn't you tell me about it?!
:'''Lelouch''': Because it'd make you cry.
:'''Rivalz''': Boys don't cry!
:'''Suzaku''': It's okay. I didn't know about it either.
:'''Rivalz''': ''[lets go of Lelouch and turns towards Suzaku]'' Don't give me your emo routine!
:'''Suzaku''': Emo?
:'''Lelouch''': I guess compassion is not in fashion these days.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mao's plan to blow up Nunnally has been thwarted by Lelouch and Suzaku's combined efforts]''
:'''Lelouch''': Hmph.
:'''Mao''': You think you've beat me, huh?!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[grabs Mao]'' Stop it!
:'''Mao''': Get your hands off of me, father-killer!
:''[Suzaku is paralyzed in shock]''
:'''Mao''': You killed your father seven years ago. Heh. He called for do-or-die resistance, and you thought stopping him would end the war. What a childish idea. The fact is, ''you're a murderer!''
:'''Suzaku''': That's not true! I just-- I--
:'''Mao''': How lucky for you that no one ever found out. All the adults lied to protect you.
:'''Lelouch''': But all the reports said his suicide was a protest against the military actions.
:'''Mao''': A big, fat lie, all of it!
:'''Lelouch''': A lie?
:'''Suzaku''': I didn't have any choice! If I didn't, Japan would have--
:'''Mao''': ''That's'' how you justify it in retrospect? Well, it explains your ''death wish!'' ''[Suzaku gasps]'' You want to save people's lives? It's your own wretched soul you're trying to save! That's why you're always charging into danger, placing yourself on the edge of death!
:''[Suzaku falls to his knees and wails in anguish]''
:'''Mao''': You're no hero! You're just trying to wash the blood off your hands! A little brat begging to be punished!
:'''Lelouch''': '''MAO!!!''' ''[activates Geass]'' '''NEVER SPEAK AGAIN!!!'''
:'''Mao''': What-- No!
:''[Mao is overcome by Lelouch's command and is reduced to unintelligible babbling; Lelouch charges towards Mao and attempts to punch him, only to miss as Mao starts walking away]''
:'''Lelouch''': Mao!
:''[Mao exits the church and catches sight of C.C. standing in the courtyard]''
:'''C.C.''': I ''did'' love you, Mao.
:''[Mao babbles as he walks towards C.C.]''
:'''C.C.''': Mao, I want you to go and wait for me…in C's World. ''[puts a silenced pistol to Mao's neck and fires, killing him]''
:''[Mao's corpse drops to the ground right before the church doors close; Lelouch looks back at a catatonic Suzaku]''
:'''Suzaku''': I just… I just…

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Nunnally''': [''after touching the cheek of a crying Suzaku''] My mom told me that human contact is the best cure for teary eyes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''C.C.''': ''[Narrating]'' In this world, evil can arise from the best intentions. And there is good that can come from evil intentions. How then should Lelouch's actions be taken? Every man has his day of judgement, does he not? Geass: He who uses this inhuman power will find his heart isolated; whether he wants it that way or not. Thus he plummets into the abyss that lies good and evil. But if a man can climb out of that abyss and into the light, then that man has the soul of a king.

=== ''Knight'' ===

:''[Tamaki is overseeing maintenance of the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Tamaki''': Look, just stuff 'em in and close the lid, for crying out loud! It's almost time to move out!
:'''Rakshata Chawla''': Take your time and treat it with the utmost care!
:''[Tamaki and the maintenance crew turn to look at the newly-arrived Rakshata]''
:'''Rakshata''': It was far more fragile than any of ''you'' when I gave birth to it!
:'''Tamaki''': Huh? Who the hell are you?!
:'''Rakshata''': I am its mother.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Kyōshiro Tohdoh''': [''speaking to Suzaku''] Win or lose, you'll gain nothing if you don't give your all!  That's true of both men and nations!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[After an explosion happens in the prison.]''
:'''Lloyd''': Good, now we're free of all this hellish paperwork.

=== ''I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi'' ===

:'''Diethard''': There is no such thing as objective information, Zero.  Journalism is, after all, a human creation.

=== ''Island of the Gods'' ===

:'''Diethard''': At times the life of a single man is worth more than that of a million, I thought that'd be common sense to a soldier.
:'''Tohdoh''': You dare say that here?
:'''Ohgi''': Easy guys.
:'''C.C.''': Oh, alright, then I'll tell you, he's very much alive.
:'''Tohdoh''': We have no time for your wishful thinking.
:'''C.C.''': The information's true. I simply know it.
:'''Tamaki''': Oh, you're an oracle now? I told you to shut your trap and to get some training on a Knightmare, you dumbass!
:'''C.C.''': Dumbass? Oh really? It's been ages since anyone's dared to refer to me in such a rude manner.
:'''Tamaki''': Like Zero's mistress has any right to get uppity with us.
:'''C.C.''': I said you were wrong, you are a man who only has vulgar ideas.

=== ''War at Kyushu'' ===

:'''Zero''': [''speaking to the Black Knights''] Change will never come about it you don't make it happen!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': [''speaking to Suzaku''] I order you to love me!...And in return, I will love forever! Suzaku, I love your stubbornness, and your kindness and your strength! Your sad eyes, your clumsiness, and the way you have trouble with cats!

=== ''Declaration at the School Festival '' ===

:''[Cécile is playing human whack-a-mole with an inflatable mallet at the student festival]''
:'''Cécile''': ''[giggles]'' School festivals are such fun! I feel so free! ''[giggles again]''
:'''Britannian soldier #1''': That one she keeps whacking, doesn't he look like Lloyd?
:'''Britannian soldier #2''': No great wonder. Working under that guy must really drive her out of her mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': I have a very special announcement. I am Euphemia, Sub-Viceroy of Area 11 of the Holy Britannian Empire. There is something of great consequence that I wish to tell you all today. I, Euphemia li Britannia, hereby declare the formation of the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan in the area surrounding Mt. Fuji.
:'''Lelouch''': What?! Britannia has-?!
:'''Suzaku''': They're recognizing... Japan?!
:'''Diethard''': DAMN IT! I never thought of this game! Even though it's only in a limited area!
:'''Euphemia''': Within the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan, Elevens will be allowed to call themselves Japanese. Restrictions against Elevens and special rights for Britannians will no longer exist within this zone. It will be a place where Elevens and Britannians live side-by-side as equals.
:'''Lelouch''': (thinking) Stop this, Euphie! I already thought through every detail of that scenario, it's nothing but an empty dream!
:'''Euphemia''': Do you hear me, Zero? I don't care about your past nor who you are underneath that mask. I beg you, join us in creating the special zone of freedom.
:'''Student 1''': Join Zero?
:'''Student 2''': No way, just think about Prince Clovis!
:'''Cornelia''': (enraged) '''WHAT IS SHE DOING?!!'''
:'''Euphemia''': Zero, help me build a new future within Britannia. A place for everyone!

=== ''Bloodstained Euphie'' ===

:'''Charles''': ''[laughs maniacally]'' Yes, you're worthy of being called my child now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': ''[after Lelouch agreed with the Admninistrative Zone of Japan]'' Do you seriously think I'm going to shoot you even if you threaten me?
:'''Lelouch''': No, I don't. But no one escapes my commands. I have the power to command anyone as they forcefully obey.
:'''Euphemia''': ''[giggles]'' Stop it, Lelouch, you're being silly.
:'''Lelouch''': I'm serious. If I order you to kill me, shoot Suzaku, or even if I tell you to kill all the Japanese, you will follow me with no hesitation.
''[Lelouch's geass suddenly activated and it affected Euphemia]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[with Lelouch's geass on her]'' No... N-no, I can't... I d-don't want to kill... W-why...? I-it can't be, I can't... kill... ''[kneeled down]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[just realized he has activated his geass unknowingly to Euphemia]'' ''It can't be! I'm like Mao--I can't control my geass anymore!''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Euphy! Forget that order!
:'''Euphemia''': ''[Lelouch's geass completely devoured her]'' That's right, I must kill all Japanese.
:'''Lelouch''': No, Euphy!!
''[Euphemia picked up Lelouch's gun and ran outside towards the stadium]''
:'''Andreas Darlton''': Princess! Where's Zero?
:'''Euphemia''': ''[to all]'' To all those who call themselves Japanese, I have a favor to ask! Do you all mind dying?
''[all Elevens gasped to what Euphemia just said]''
:'''Eleven 1''': Is she insane?
:'''Eleven 2''': She must be out of her mind!
:'''Euphemia''': I want you all to just simply fall off the cliff but it's impossible, right? So I order all my fellow Britannians--kill all the Japanese!
''[Britannians hesitate]'''
:'''Darlton''': What are you saying princess? Please stop this nonsense and-- ''[Euphemia shoots him]''
:'''Euphemia''': I'm sorry, but I must do this. I must kill all Japanese. Go ahead, Britannian Soldiers! Hurry and kill every Japanese here!
''[Zero arrives in the stadium, attempting to stop Euphemia]''
:'''Zero''': Euphy! Stop this! ''[Britannian guards blocked Zero]'' No, get out of my way... ''[activated his geass]'' GET OUT!
''[commotion has stopped when Euphemia shoots an Eleven]''
:'''Euphemia''': See? We need to kill all Japanese. So what are you waiting for? Kill them and don't let a single one alive!
''[Britannians and Knightmare Frames all obey Euphemia's order. They began to shoot each and every Japanese in sight.]''
''[Zero tried to stop Euphemia, but finds it imposssible]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': [''speaking to Euphemia''] People are more susceptible to miracles than logic.

=== ''At Least with Sorrow'' ===

:'''Euphemia''': I, Euphemia li Britannia, bid all of you within the sound of my voice to heed the following command: '''Seek out any Japanese you can find and please kill them. Leave not a single one of them alive.'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tamaki attacks a Britannian official in the aftermath of Euphemia's massacre]''
:'''Tamaki''': Equality?! You can shove that straight up your administrative ass! You lured us into a death trap! You just made the biggest mistake of your lives, you got that?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has found a Britannian Gloucester, which is now shooting panicking Japanese.]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[inside the'' Guren ''Mk-II]'' Damn Britannian! Stop what you're doing!
:''[Kallen releases a few missiles, which leaves the Gloucester unarmed.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[who is the pilot in the unarmed Knightmare]'' How rude of you! I'm Euphemia li Britannia, the 3rd Princess of the Imperial Palace!
:'''Kallen''': Ah, so this is where you're hiding, Puppet Princess.
:'''Euphemia''': Oh, you're the one from Kamine Island!
:'''Kallen''': Why the heck did you fool us?! You just killed a hundred Elevens! Don't you feel any awe or conscience?!
:'''Euphemia''': I must kill all the Japanese...
:'''Kallen''': So, that really is it. Fine, I'll finish you now. Any last words?
:''[As the'' Guren ''Mk-II closely aims at Euphemia, Zero and C.C. arrive in the Gawain.]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Kallen! I shall be handling the princess on my own.
:'''Kallen''': Do you want her alive?
:'''Lelouch''': I believe that would be unnecessary anymore.
:''[The Gawain swiftly destroys Euphemia's Gloucester, reducing it to a pile of scrap.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[gets out of the Gloucester and looks around for a gun]'' Kill the Japanese! I must kill... Hurry, hurry! ''[She finds a gun and shoots the Gawain in defiant panic. The gun runs out of bullets, so Euphemia looks for extra rounds. As she finds some, Zero gets down from his Knightmare.]''
:'''Euphemia''': Oh, I thought you were Japanese! Say, Zero, would you like to join me build the Special Administrative Zone of Japan... ''[realized she's talking different]'' Um... Japan...?
:'''Lelouch''': I would have liked to, Euphemia... together. ''[He pulls out his gun and aims it at Euphemia.]''
:''[At that moment, Suzaku in the Lancelot catches sight of Euphemia.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[breathes a sigh of relief]'' Euphie...
:''[Zero suddenly shoots Euphemia, the bullet piercing her stomach. Suzaku gasps in horror.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[dumbstruck as she stars to fall down in slow-motion]'' Lelouch... Why...?
:'''Lelouch''': Farewell, Euphie... you may have been the first girl I ever loved.
:''[Euphemia hits the ground and lays still. A moment of silence persists before...]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[enraged and anguished]'' '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!'''''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[surprised]'' Suzaku?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has turned over command of the G-1 Base to Diethard and is leaving to pilot the Gawain with C.C. when he runs into Kaguya Sumeragi]''
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': You're Sumeragi's--
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': Thank goodness I made it in time! That was so mean of you, the way headed off to battle without me! I've been a ''huge'' fan of yours ever since your big debut! I was hoping I'd finally get to talk to you. Wow, you're really tall, aren't you?! Don't worry, though! I'll catch up with you pretty soon!
:'''Diethard''': Lady Kaguya, I thought the heads of the six houses remained in Fuji.
:'''Kaguya''': I followed after you so I could watch my future husband fight.
:''[Lelouch, C.C., and Diethard are puzzled by Kaguya's statement]''
:'''Lelouch''': Don't joke around.
:'''Kaguya''': Well, once you win this battle, you'll eventually need a wife, won't you? I mean, I know your identity is a big secret and all, but you're gonna need somebody as your public face, right?
:'''Lelouch''': Really? You believe we're going to win this battle?
:'''Kaguya''': Of course! I am the goddess of victory, after all.
:'''Lelouch''': I'd be lucky to have you, then. Unfortunately, I've already made a contract with the devil.
:'''Kaguya''': Huh?
:'''Lelouch''': I have no room in my life for deities right now.
:''[Lelouch and C.C. leave for the Gawain as Kaguya looks on]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': Before creation there must be destruction.  If my soul stands in the way, then I'll toss it aside.  Yes, I have no choice but to move forward.

=== ''The Collapsing Stage'' ===

:'''Suzaku''': When I find you, Zero, I'm going to '''KILL YOU!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Viletta is sneaking through the ruins of the Tokyo Settlement]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[thinking]'' The power to control people and erase their memories. When you think about it, it makes sense and explains everything that's happened till now. And as a result of its aftereffects, I fell in love with a damned Eleven!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Suzaku has just defeated Kallen in Knightmare Frame combat]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Tell me, where is Zero?!''
:'''Kallen''': ''[nonchalant]'' You know, I really hate pushy guys.
:'''Suzaku''': Okay. Then die here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Suzaku has just blundered into a trap laid for him by Lelouch, C.C., Sayoko, and Rakshata]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Zero!'' You deceive the people who trust you to the very end! ''You betrayer!''
:'''Lelouch''': Hmph. I've no time to argue which of us is the bigger hypocrite. Farewell, Suzaku Kururugi.
:'''Suzaku''': ''Damn you!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch and C.C. have arrived at the Britannian Government Bureau, where Cornelia is waiting for them]''
:'''Cornelia''': Welcome, Zero! I figured you would show up here as soon as you heard about the air raid. Now…join us for your welcome soirée. Care for a dance?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ohgi is meeting with Viletta in private]''
:'''Ohgi''': Chigusa, why did you come to this battlefield? We need to find someplace safe for you. Stay with me for now.
:''[Viletta backs away from Ohgi when he tries to get close to her]''
:'''Ohgi''': Look, I'm sorry I hid this from you, but everything I'm doing is for the sake of peace! If Zero succeeds in freeing Japan from Britannia, then we can finally be together!
:'''Viletta''': Oh, stop before I puke!
:''[Viletta grabs Ohgi's pistol from his jacket pocket and presses the barrel to his back]''
:'''Viletta''': Me together with an Eleven like you? What a horrible thought. ''[scoffs]'' My name is Viletta Nu, and I am a knight of honor of Britannia.
:''[Ohgi turns to face Viletta, then gets shot in the stomach]''
:'''Ohgi''': ''[falls to his knees]'' So I see, Chigusa… You've gotten your memory back… ''[groans, then falls to the floor]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[two Black Knights searching for Viletta in the'' Ganymede ''hangar at Ashford Academy are startled when the'' Ganymede'', rigged with a primitive nuclear bomb, activates]''
:'''Nina''': Zero, Princess Euphemia…
:''[cut to the Britannian Government Bureau, where Cornelia is fighting Lelouch and C.C.]''
:'''Cornelia''': '''''…WILL BE AVENGED!!!'''''
:''[the Gawain misses an attack on Cornelia's'' Gloucester'', which counters by charging with its lance]''
:'''Cornelia''': ''What's wrong, Zero?!''
:''[Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''strafes the'' Gawain ''with its machine gun as Lelouch desperately types away at the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s controls]''
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': The specs on this thing are far superior to hers!
:''[the'' Gawain ''attempts to take off, only to get snagged by the'' Gloucester''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s Slash Harkens; the'' Gloucester ''now attempts to latch onto the larger Knightmare]''
:'''Cornelia''': You're just a ''weakling!'' I have you! I have you right where I want you! Your life is now in ''my hands!''
:'''Lelouch''': ''Cornelia!''
:''[Cornelia readies the final blow]''
:'''Cornelia''': ''This is your judgment!''
:''[out of nowhere, Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''gets impaled by a Knightmare lance]''
:'''Darlton''': ''[via radio]'' Princess, it's me, Darlton.
:'''Cornelia''': ''[gasps, dumbstruck by Darlton's treachery]'' Why? Darlton, why?
:'''Darlton''': Don't be afraid. I haven't come to kill you, milady.
:'''Lelouch''': Well, he made it.
:'''Darlton''': I've come to deliver you to Zero, Your Highness.
:''[Darlton suddenly relents as the Geass command placed on him wears off and he sees Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''plummeting to the ground]''
:'''Darlton''': What have I done?! Why, Princess?!
:''[Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''smashes on the ground]''
:'''Lelouch''': Thank you, ''Darlton.''
:''[Lelouch repays Darlton for his service by firing on his'' Gloucester ''with the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hadron cannons]''
:'''Darlton''': ''[as his Gloucester is exploding]'' '''PRINCESS!!!'''

''(Nunnally is sitting in the student council room where she hears a door open)''
:'''Nunnally''': Hello, oh who's there? Is that you C.C.?
''(V.V. appears)''
:'''V.V.''': No, it's not.
:'''Nunnally''': Hm? but-
:'''V.V.''': Nunnally, I've come to take you with me.

=== ''Zero'' ===

:''[Lelouch arrives where Princess Cornelia is badly injured]''
:'''Cornelia''': So, you were Zero... The entire time. Darlton was right, he said it was someone with a grudge against the Britannian Imperial Family. You... You did this.. For Nunnally?
:'''Lelouch''': Correct. I will demolish the present world and build a new and better one in its place.
:'''Cornelia''': You killed them all for the sake of that madness?! Clovis?! Even Euphie?!
:'''Lelouch''': You're one to talk, my dear sister. Considering how you idolized my mother, Marianne the Flash.
:'''Cornelia''': It would seem that talking with you further... would approve to be utterly pointless.
:'''Lelouch''': Indeed? Well then, Lelouch vi Britannia orders you to answer him.
:''[''Lelouch used his Geass on Cornelia]''
:'''Cornelia''': Go on.
:'''Lelouch''': Sister, are you the one who killed my mother?
:'''Cornelia''': I'm not.
:'''Lelouch''': Then who was it?
:'''Cornelia''': I don't know.
:'''Lelouch''': But you were put in charge of her personal guard, were you not?
:'''Cornelia''': Yes.
:'''Lelouch''': Then why did you withdraw her escort?
:'''Cornelia''': I was asked to.
:'''Lelouch''': By who?
:'''Cornelia''': Lady Marianne.
:'''Lelouch''': Mother did... That's impossible! My mother knew she will be attacked that day?! No, that can't! She did. She would've got us out of there! What really happened back then?! Who killed her?! Who killed my mother, damn it?!
:''[Cornelia doesn't answer]''
:'''Lelouch''': You don't know the truth?! Then who does?! Someone must know, you yourself investigated of what occurred that day! 
:'''Cornelia''': I remembered His Majesty, the emperor, ordered Schneizel to transport the body out of there.
:'''Lelouch''': The body? You mean there are others? Then what was in that coffin?
:'''C.C.''': Hey! Get back in here!
:'''Lelouch''': I know, the Government Bureau Defense Forces will be here soon.
:'''C.C.''': No! Your little sister's been kidnapped!
:'''Lelouch''': Hmm? C.C., this is not the time for jokes. We'll take Cornelia back to the command center as our hostage.
:'''C.C.''': She's been taken!  I just know because she's the reason you live! She's on Kamine Island!
:'''Lelouch''': Kamine Island? 
:''[Lelouch is preparing to take Cornelia prisoner and leave with C.C. when Jeremiah barges in with the Siegfried]''
:'''Jeremiah''': '''''ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!!!''''' Mister Zero, can it really be?! ''What?!'' Oh, what luck, what fate, what evil fortune!
:'''Lelouch''': Is that you, Orange Boy?!
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[stammers]'' Oh, I beseech you! ''I'm begging you, please die.''
:'''Lelouch''': Get Cornelia!
:'''C.C.''': I'm already on it!
:'''Jeremiah''': Zero! I…must rid the world of the Empire's enemies! Yes, and so…'''''ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lloyd and Cécile are on board the'' Avalon''; Cécile is suiting up for deployment in her own Knightmare Frame]''
:'''Cécile''': Why did you try to stop Suzaku?
:'''Lloyd''': I'm a military contractor.
:'''Cécile''': You didn't want him killed, did you?
:'''Lloyd''': Why should I care? You know as well as I do. The biggest human flaw is that we're so pitifully fragile in our bodies, our hearts, and our relationships with each other.
:'''Cécile''': ''[puts on her earpiece]'' Nevertheless, you can't bend the world or people any which way you want.
:'''Lloyd''': I want every part in my mechanisms to function exactly as I wish. If we lose Kururugi, we'll just have to find another devicer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jeremiah has tracked Lelouch and C.C. to Kamine Island and is engaging them with the'' Siegfried'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Zero, it is I! Repent is now!
:'''Lelouch''': Stubborn ass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jeremiah has hit the'' Gawain ''twice and is readying the'' Siegfried ''for the finishing blow]''
:'''Jeremiah''': It's time for my ''wonderful vindication!''
:''[Lelouch fires the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hadron cannons at the ocean surface, generating a massive plume of water]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Insidious isolation impudence!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Zero's absence, the Britannian forces have managed to rally and push back the Black Knights]''
:'''Claudio Darlton''': Hold your ground! Victory's within our reach! Be strong!
:'''Nagisa Chiba''': Damn it, we can't hold out!
:'''Shōgo Asahina''': Enemy reinforcements will be here soon!
:'''Kento Sugiyama''': What should we do?!
:''[Sugiyama watches Inoue's'' Burai ''get shot and explode, killing her]''
:'''Sugiyama''': Inoue? Ugh, where the hell is he?! ''[fires the machine gun of his'' Burai ''into the air in vain] Zero!''
:'''Gilbert G.P. Guilford''': All forces, charge! We'll smash these filthy rebels with one blow!
:''[Tohdoh's custom'' Gekka ''attempts to slice through the Britannian offensive]''
:'''Tohdoh''': Fight to your last breath! Stop at nothing! Because if they break through here, our forces will collapse completely!
:''[meanwhile, Diethard's forces have been forced to retreat to Ashford Academy]''
:'''Diethard''': ''[thinking]'' It's not that Tohdoh isn't a brilliant military leader. He simply lacks the incredible charisma that Zero possesses. We need him! He can't run out on us, not now!
:''[Kaguya has been left to look after the G-1 on the outskirts of the Tokyo Settlement]''
:'''Kaguya''': ''[thinking]'' Oh, Zero, have you really abandoned us? Have you abandoned Japan?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': That trap at the entrance was designed to buy them time. Was I their intended target? Or was it C.C.? No matter. The first thing to do is to make sure Nunnally is alright.
:''[Lelouch walks to the door and puts his hands on it. Suddenly, someone shoots it. Suzaku has arrived, holding a gun.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Turn and face me. Very slowly.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' ''Damn it! Why now?''
:'''Suzaku''': Didn't you hear me, Zero? I said, &quot;Turn and face me. Very slowly.&quot;
:'''Lelouch''': Euphemia randomly murdered throngs of innocent Japanese people. You fight for a woman like th--?
:'''Suzaku''': Your Geass power is quite convenient, isn't it?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Suzaku''': You get to hide in the shadows while others take all the blame for doing ''your'' dirty work. You're just an arrogant coward. That's your true nature, the real you. Kallen!
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasps, shown to be behind Suzaku, hidden until now]''
:'''Suzaku''': Do you want to know Zero's true identity, too?
:'''Kallen''': What are you saying?
:'''Suzaku''': You have a right to bear witness. ''[raises his gun]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasp]'' No! Wait!
:''[Suzaku fires a bullet into Lelouch's helmet. The bullet ricochets off the mask, cracking it perfectly in half. The halves clatter to the floor as Suzaku and Kallen now see the identity of Zero. A long pause follows as a slight trickle of blood comes from Lelouch's forehead.]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[voice shaking]'' But how...?! ''[falls to her knees]'' How could you?!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[solemnly, lowering his gun]'' I didn't want it... to be ''you''.
:'''Kallen''': ''[still in shock]'' L-Lelouch is...
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, I am Zero, the man who leads the Black Knights, who challenges the Holy Britannian Empire, the one who holds the entire world in his hand.
:'''Kallen''': You used us, the Japanese people? You used ''me''?
:'''Lelouch''': And, as a result, Japan will be freed. You certainly can't complain about that.
:''[Kallen sheds a tear, still shocked and feeling betrayed.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[subtly infuriated]'' I should have arrested you while I had the chance.
:'''Lelouch''': You knew it was me?
:'''Suzaku''': I wasn't sure at first, so I convinced myself that it wasn't true. But I really wanted to believe in you. But you were lying to us, to ''me.'' Your sister, Euphie. And ''Nunnally.''
:''[Kallen stands and stumbles while Lelouch speaks.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, and now, Nunnally's been kidnapped.
:''[Suzaku reacts in surprise to this news, looking concerned all of a sudden.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Please, Suzaku, can't we call a temporary truce? I need your help! Together we'll be able to save Nunnally. There's nothing in the world that you and I ''can't'' do together.
:''[Kallen is shaking, still in shock. Meanwhile, Suzaku regains his composure, becoming furious.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[angrily]'' I'm done with that! Had you only joined up with Euphie first, we wouldn't be here! If you and she had combined forces, things would be different! The world could have been--!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[cutting Suzaku off]'' That's all in the past! Over and done with.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[shocked by Lelouch's cold tone]'' Past?!
:'''Lelouch''': You killed your own father, didn't you?! Wallow in remorse when you have time for it!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[shouting]'' '''''No!''''' You're ''hopeless!''
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Suzaku''': I know you! In the very end, you'd betray the entire world, the way it's betrayed you! I'm not going to let your sick, twisted dream be realized!
:'''Lelouch''': You fool! You think ideals alone can change the world?! Fine! Then go right ahead and SHOOT ME! Come on! ''[Attaches a sakuradite bomb to his chest]'' Set your aim on this liquid sakuradite!
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasps loudly]''
:'''Lelouch''': If my heart stops, this vial will explode, and you'll both die with me.
:'''Suzaku''': Damn you!
:'''Lelouch''': Listen, I'll make a deal with you. I want to know who told you about Geass. Did they abduct Nunnally?
:'''Suzaku''': ''[fully enraged]'' NOTHING THAT HAPPENS NOW IS ''ANY'' OF YOUR CONCERN!
:''[Lelouch's emotional state visibly deteriorates as Suzaku rails on.]''
:'''Suzaku:''' YOUR VERY EXISTENCE IS A MISTAKE! YOU NEED TO BE ERASED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH!! ''I'LL'' TAKE CARE OF NUNNALLY!!
:''[Lelouch finally snaps and withdraws his own gun in a rage!]''
:'''Lelouch''': '''''SUZAKU!!!''''' ''[aims his gun at Suzaku]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[voice echoing]'' '''''LELOOOOOOOOOUCH!!!''''' ''[aims back]''
:''[A gunshot rings out.]''

== Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2 ==

=== ''The Day a Demon Awakens'' ===

:'''Kōsetsu Urabe''': We're the only ones left now. This is all that remains of the Black Knights, who, along with Zero, once struck terror in the heart of Britannia. Still, it's too soon to give into despair. If Operation Flying Swallow Four is successful, then…
:'''Black Knights''': Yes.
:'''Urabe''': Forgive me. Here's to you.
:''[Urabe and the other Black Knights drink from saucers of sake]''
:'''Urabe''': ''[raises his saucer into the air]'' To victory! ''Long live Japan! [drops his saucer to the floor]''
:'''Black Knights''': ''[drop their saucers to the floor] Long live Japan!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tamaki, Chiba, Ohgi, and Tohdoh have been imprisoned for their involvement with the Black Knights; Tamaki has just been assaulted by two Britannian prison guards]''
:'''Tamaki''': ''[growls as he gets back up]'' If Zero was here, you wouldn't be acting so tough!
:'''Chiba''': Do me a favor! Don't say that traitor's name again!
:'''Tamaki''': Hey, Zero didn't betray us!
:'''Britannian prison guard''': Shut up, you stinking Eleven! ''[hits Tamaki with the butt of his rifle]''
:'''Ohgi''': There has to be a reason for what he did.
:'''Chiba''': What reason?! Why'd the commander vanish during the final decisive battle like that?!
:'''Tohdoh''': Stop it! It serves no purpose. Zero's dead, after all.
:'''Ohgi''': ''[gasps]'' He's dead?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Li Xingke, part of the Chinese Federation diplomatic party to Area 11, is accosted by two Britannian security guards]''
:'''Britannian security guard #1''': May we have what you're carrying, sir?
:'''Britannian security guard #2''': Our security is perfect. You don't need to carry that antique weapon here.
:''[Xingke unsheathes his sword, slashes at the two guards, and sheathes back his sword in one stroke; the guards are unharmed, but their severed belts then drop to the ground]''
:'''Gao Hai''': Xingke! That was rude of you!
:'''[[w:Li Xingke|Li Xingke]]''': Please forgive me. But I hoped it would offer you and the other Britannians a better understanding of the Chinese Federation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has regained his memories and the use of his Geass and is confronting the black-ops forces sent to kill him and C.C.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Before you dispose of me, I'd like you to answer a question.
:''[both Lelouch and C.C. stand to face the black-ops soldiers]''
:'''Britannian black-ops soldier #1''': That girl's still alive!
:'''Britannian black-ops soldier #2''': Impossible! She was shot through the heart!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[starts walking towards the Britannian black-ops soldiers]'' If being powerless is so terribly wrong, then does having power make you right? Do you find vengeance evil? What's your value of friendship? Is it justice?
:'''Britannian intelligence officer''': There's no justice or evil. The only truth that's left for you, bait, is the simple reality of death.
:'''Lelouch''': I see. Then that reality is all that remains for you as well. I, Lelouch vi Britannia, commands you. All of you: ''Die!''
:'''Britannian intelligence officer''': It-- It can't be!
:''[the entire Britannian black-ops force is overcome by Lelouch's Geass]''
:'''Britannian black-ops soldiers''': ''[in unison] Yes, Your Highness!''
:''[the black-ops soldiers all point their rifles and pistols at each other, while the intelligence officer puts his pistol to his neck as he laughs madly; Lelouch looks on as the soldiers all commit suicide]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' Ever since that day, my heart simply couldn't accept it. This fake life I was never able to fit into, all the time that was lost, these false memories planted in me, giving me a life as one of the herd, and yet…the truth continues to guide me toward itself. That's right! It wasn't me who was wrong! ''It was the world!''
:''[the'' Guren ''Mk-II and Urabe's'' Gekka ''smash through the room and land before Lelouch, facing him]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[aloud]'' The world has to change, so ''I'' will change it.
:'''Urabe''': ''[via his'' Gekka''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s loudspeakers]'' We've been waiting for you, Master Zero. Please, give us your orders.
:'''Lelouch''': Very well! Because, after all, ''I'' am Zero, the one who will crush the world…and the one who will recreate the world anew!

=== ''Plan For Independent Japan'' ===

:''[a lone'' Sutherland ''encounters Lelouch at the massacre site of the Britannian black-ops soldiers]''
:'''Britannian pilot''': What are you doing there? That's a student uniform, isn't it?
:'''Lelouch''': Oh! You're a soldier! Thank goodness! We need to help this man at once!
:''[the'' Sutherland ''pilot sees Lelouch kneeling next to the dead Britannian intelligence officer]''
:'''Britannian pilot''': Office of Secret Intelligence? What are the emperor's personal agents doing here?
:''[the'' Sutherland ''pilot deactivates his Knightmare and disembarks]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' Good. These reports are accurate. Calares's forces don't know about me, so I can use the data in this journal.
:'''Britannian pilot''': There's only one survivor?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[aloud]'' Yes. Just you.
:'''Britannian pilot''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[gets up]'' That's right. ''[uncovers his left eye, revealing his permanently active Geass]'' Now: Give me your Knightmare.
:'''Britannian pilot''': ''[is overcome by Geass]'' I understand. The ID code is QR5YK1D6. ''[gives his key to Lelouch]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[takes the key]'' Thank you.
:''[C.C. emerges from her hiding spot behind a nonfunctional'' Sutherland'']''
:'''C.C.''': Even though you need direct eye contact, are those theatrics necessary?
:'''Lelouch''': I don't need comments from an immortal witch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen, in the'' Guren ''Mk-II, ambushes a Britannian'' Sutherland'']''
:'''Kallen''': Let me see you burst, Britannian!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Emperor Charles has introduced Suzaku to the'' Sword of Akasha'']''
:'''Suzaku''': This place… Is it a shrine?
:'''Charles''': No, it's not. This is… This is a weapon for destroying God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has just appeared before Lelouch and is pointing a gun at him]''
:'''Lelouch''': You who abandoned Zero at Kamine Island, what do you want to tell me?
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch. You were deceiving me right from the very beginning.
:'''Lelouch''': About Zero being your classmate, or about my Geass power? Which one has offended you?
:'''Kallen''': Both of them. Tell me this: Did you use your Geass on me like you did the others? Did you twist my mind and my heart and make me follow you? ''[Lelouch laughs derisively]'' Lelouch!
:'''Lelouch''': Your mind and your heart are yours alone, as was your loyalty and admiration for Zero.
:''[Lelouch starts walking towards Kallen]''
:'''Kallen''': Don't move!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[continues approaching Kallen]'' Kallen, you should be proud of what you did. You decided. You made the choice. You chose… ''[takes Kallen's gun away from her]'' …Zero. ''[Kallen backs away from Lelouch]'' You don't believe me?
:'''Kallen''': ''[hesitating]'' I wanted to believe, so much that I'd become a slave.
:'''Lelouch''': I see.
:'''Kallen''': But… ''[regains her composure]'' …The one I believe in is Zero! Just him! It's not you, Lelouch!
:'''Lelouch''': Well, fine with me. ''[notes Kallen's [[w:Playboy Bunny|Playboy Bunny]] attire and the Knightmare Frame key stuck in her cleavage]'' By the way, are you ever going to change out of those clothes?
:''[Kallen, taken by surprise, turns away from Lelouch and tries to cover her breasts]''
:'''Kallen''': Don't look at me, you pervert!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[playfully]'' Oh, is that the way you talk to Zero now?
:'''Kallen''': ''[indignant]'' I'm saying it to ''you'', Lelouch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Knights of the Round are watching Zero's broadcast]''
:'''Gino Weinberg''': Come on, Zero's dead, isn't he?
:'''Suzaku''': Yes.
:'''Gino''': So, this guy's a fake. And whoever he is, if we just go over there and storm the consulate…
:'''Suzaku''': Then we'd be breaking our treaty with them, risking an international incident.
:'''Gino''': He's saying that he's Zero, and Zero killed our royals. That gives this equal status with the E.U. war.
:'''Anya Alstreim''': It's a slippery slope either way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Zero has just declared that the room of the Chinese Federation consulate he's in will be the first dominion of the reformed United States of Japan]''
:'''Rakshata''': ''[laughs hysterically]'' A nation consisting of just one room? That man's as amusing as ever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Xingke is greeted by the'' Vincent ''at the entrance of the Chinese Federation consulate]''
:'''Xingke''': If you are Britannian, you have already been asked to leave. Or, are you one of Zero's followers?
:''[Rolo, the pilot of the'' Vincent'', emerges from its cockpit]''
:'''[[w:Rolo Lamperouge|Rolo Lamperouge]]''': I'm not sure. Which am I?
:'''Xingke''': I'm not terribly fond of riddles.
:'''Rolo''': Yes. I'm exactly the same way myself. What I want to know is the truth. That's why I came here to kill Zero.

:(''Inside the Britannian throne room'')
:'''Lelouch''': He brought me before the Britannian emperor.
:'''Charles''': The former seventeenth heir to the imperial throne, Lelouch vi Britannia. It been a long time, hasn't it, my errant son?
:'''Lelouch''': How dare you!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[to Lelouch]'' You won't use your Geass. ''[to the emperor]'' Your Majesty, I have a request. Please, sire, allow me to join the Knights of the Round, the twelve strongest knights of the Britannian Empire.
:'''Charles''': As a reward for capturing Zero, is that it?
:'''Lelouch''': You!
:'''Suzaku''': I told you before, Lelouch, that I was going to change this world from the inside.
:'''Lelouch''': Even if it means selling out your friends?!
:'''Suzaku''': That's right.
:'''Charles''': Very well, I like the answer you just gave him.
:(''Charles rising from the throne'')
:'''Charles''': Now, then. As a Knight of the Round, I order you: Cover up Zero's left eye.
:(''Suzaku lifts up Lelouch's head and covers his left eye'')
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, Your Majesty.
:'''Charles''': My unworthy son, who raised the banner of rebellion, although he was a prince. Still, there's another way we can make use of him.
:'''Lelouch''': What?!
:(''Charles' Geass activates as two Geass sigils light up in both of his eyes'')
:'''Charles''': I will rewrite your memory, about being Zero, about the death of your mother, about the very existence of Nunnally.
:'''Lelouch''': No, Geass?!
:'''Charles''': You'll remember none of it, you'll just be insignificant.
:'''Lelouch''': No, stop! You're stealing of what's most precious to me again! First my mother and now you're taking Nunnally!
:'''Charles''': Charles zi Britannia engraves into you...
:'''Lelouch''': Stop it!
:'''Charles''': ...false memories of a false life!
:(''Lelouch screams as his father's Geass enter his mind and alter his memories'')
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': '''AHHHHHHHHH!!!!'''

=== ''Imprisoned in Campus'' ===

:''[Kallen has just found out that Lelouch has swapped places with C.C. so he can escape back to Ashford Academy]''
:'''C.C.''': What's the matter?
:'''Kallen''': When did you two switch places?
:'''C.C.''': Before the speech.
:'''Kallen''': But I--
:'''C.C.''': His voice was re-recorded. The moment &quot;he&quot; appeared, it was already me, just like in a magic show.
:'''Kallen''': ''[angry]'' You planned it on your own. We don't like it when you keep secrets from us.
:'''C.C.''': &quot;We&quot; don't like it? You mean, ''you'' don't like it, do you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has just come back from the showers and is barging in on a meeting between C.C., Gao Hai, and Xingke]''
:'''Kallen''': C.C.! I was just thinking, wouldn't it have made more sense for you to have played the bunny girl?!
:''[Kallen realizes just what she's gotten herself into, then starts shrieking hysterically before running behind an opaque glass divider]''
:'''Gao Hai''': Zero is...a girl?!
:'''C.C.''': Correct.
:'''Kallen''': ''[ducks out from behind the divider] I'M NOT ZERO!''
:'''C.C.''': Oh, you let on too soon. You have no sense of humor, do you?
:'''Kallen''': Don't play around with Zero!
:'''C.C.''': ''[as Kallen's towel starts slipping]'' We can see you.
:''[Kallen shrieks again as she puts her towel back on and ducks behind the divider once more]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shirley and Lelouch are out shopping for a birthday present for Viletta Nu]''
:'''Shirley''': ''[thinking]'' Is this...a date? If it's not...I'll make it one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch's attempt to ambush Rolo at Ashford Academy has backfired]''
:'''Rolo''': Lelouch, now you and your demonic eye...will die.

''(Guilford is at a Britannian territory where the Black Knights are about to be executed)''
:'''Guilford''': Zero, can you hear me?! Listen closely, I am Lord Gilbert G.P. Guilford, Knight of Her Royal Highness, Cornelia li Britannia! Beginning tomorrow at 1500 hours, these 256 special Class-A felons, who are guilty of treason against the Empire, will all be executed for their crimes! Zero, if you value the lives of your people, then you will face me one on one in a honorable duel!

=== ''Counterattack at the Gallows'' ===

:''[Rolo reflects on how many people he's murdered over the years]''
:'''Rolo''': ''[thinking]'' That's right. I can't remember how many people I've killed. Nobody counts the number of times they brush their teeth or eat a meal. Same with this. My Geass is suited to assassination. That's what I was told. So, I kill. There was no other place for me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[two Office of Secret Intelligence officers are complaining to Viletta about Rolo's conduct]''
:'''OSI officer #1''': Unacceptable! Did this kid kill Bruno in cold blood or not?!
:'''OSI officer #2''': And he was the fifth one!
:'''OSI officer #1''': All Victor did was touch the kid's locket, and the next thing--
:'''Viletta''': Victor had his own personality problems.
:'''OSI officer #1''': ''[slams his fist on the table]'' You don't kill a man because of that!
:'''OSI officer #2''': Now that there's this guy claiming to be Zero, we have to get our priorities straight and pull the team together.
:'''OSI officer #1''': That's exactly right, and I'm not teaming up with a freaking angel of death.
:''[Rolo has been overhearing the conversation the entire time]''
:'''Rolo''': ''[thinking]'' Team? The mission is what's important, isn't it? Who cares about the team?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Li Xingke is questioning Gao Hai about his dealings with Zero]''
:'''Xingke''': Why did you recognize the USJ on your own without confirmation from the Vermillion Forbidden City? Even if you are one of the High Eunuchs, that was unforgivable. Just what are you planning to use Zero for?
:'''Gao Hai''': I've no intention to use Zero for anything! Zero must be pleased in every way!
:'''Xingke''': And the empress's feelings on this?
:'''Gao Hai''': ''[increasingly petulant]'' That little wench doesn't matter! The absolute law is that Zero shall bring happiness to me!
:'''Xingke''': Simpering ''traitor!''
:''[Xingke rips Gao Hai's throat out with a knife on a string]''
:'''Xingke''': The Crimson Dynasty is dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch and Guilford are about to start their Knightmare Frame duel while C.C. and Xingke observe from the Chinese Federation consulate]''
:'''Lelouch''': I have a question for you, Lord Guilford. What do you do when there is an evil you cannot defeat by just means? Do you stain your hands with evil to destroy evil, or do you remain steadfastly just and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil?
:'''C.C.''': In either case, evil remains.
:'''Xingke''': A paradox. Is it merely wordplay?
:'''Guilford''': In the name of Cornelia, ''I choose justice! [charges at Lelouch's'' Burai ''with his'' Gloucester'']''
:'''Lelouch''': I understand. In my case, ''I commit evil to destroy the greater evil!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Kallen engages one of the Glaston Knights, Alfred Darlton, in the confusion surrounding the upheaval of the Britannian forces onto the Chinese Federation consulate grounds]''
:'''Kallen''': Britannia, you're on notice! This is Japanese territory now!
:'''Alfred''': There is no Japan!
:'''Kallen''': Oh, really?! That's why I hate Britannians!
:''[Kallen charges towards Alfred and successfully parries his lance strike, seemingly leaving herself open for a point-blank rocket barrage from his'' Gloucester'']''
:'''Alfred''': Goodbye, Eleven ace!
:''[Alfred fires his rocket pods at point-blank range, only to have the attack blunted by the'' Guren ''Mk-II's Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Alfred''': It's blocked at this close range?!
:''[Kallen clamps onto Alfred's'' Gloucester''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head with the Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Kallen''': This is the Radiant Wave Surger! The moment you came in close, my victory was assured! So long.
:''[Kallen activates the Radiant Wave Surger and fries Alfred and his'' Gloucester'']''

=== ''Knights of the Round'' ===

:''[Viletta has just been roped into dressing skimpily for a school event by the Swim Club]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[thinking]'' So help me, Shirley, you'll die a thousand deaths for this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Lelouch has pushed C.C. towards a big bucket of tomatoes]''
:'''Shirley''': Um, Lulu, are you alone?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[closes the bucket]'' Y-yeah.
:'''Shirley''': Aren't you just talking with somebody just now?
:'''Lelouch''': No, it's just you and me right now.
:'''Shirley''': ''[blushes]'' That's right... It's just Lulu and me... This may be my chance! Lulu, Do you want to... Eh?
''[saw a big mascot covering Lelouch]''
:'''Lelouch''': I-I'm sorry, Shirley... It's difficult to hear you from here! ''[to Kallen]'' What are you doing here?!
:'''Kallen''': I'm here to drag that pizza girl out!
:'''Lelouch''': She's in that big case of tomatoes. Carry the whole bucket and get it out from... WOAH!
''[Shirley strongly pulled Lelouch out from the mascot and dropped him in the ground]''
:'''Shirley''': ''[to the mascot]'' Who are you?! How dare you drag Lulu like that! Show yourself! ''[tries to pull the mascot's head away]''
:'''Kallen''': If I did, my identity will be revealed!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[recovering from his fall]'' What a disgrace...
''[Suzaku and Milly suddenly arrived]''
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch!
:'''Milly''': Have you seen Arthur?
:'''Lelouch''': No, I don't think I have...
''[a rumbling sound came from the huge bucket--it was C.C. kicking the box]''
:'''Suzaku''': Arthur must be in there!
:'''Lelouch''': Cats and tomatoes don't mix!
''[the'' Ganymede ''suddenly arrives and carries the huge bucket up]''
:'''Suzaku''': Wha--? Gino?
:'''Gino''': ''[piloting the'' Ganymede'']'' That's right, Suzaku! I'll be making the biggest pizza in the world myself! See you! ''[Gino zooms away with the tomato bucket]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, wait!! ''[runs after the'' Ganymede ''and Kallen and Shirley follows]''
:'''Gino''': Now, it's shake time! ''[shakes the bucket, drowning C.C.]''
''[Arthur found himself in front of the'' Ganymede ''and ran away]''
:'''Suzaku''': Was that... Arthur?
:'''Milly''': Oh, man, I think I'm going to rebuild the festival again.
''[Lelouch runs after the'' Ganymede'', but suddenly overtaken by Suzaku, then by Kallen, then by Shirley]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[stops and pants]'' This wasn't my kind of outfit...
:'''Milly''': ''[runs happily and overtakes Lelouch]'' Fire away!
''[Lelouch groans and pants]''

=== ''Surprise Attack Over the Pacific'' ===

:''[Anya gets the drop on Chiba and crushes her'' Gekka''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head with the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand]''
:'''Anya''': Tag. You're dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Anya tries to get Kallen to let go of the'' Mordred ''by firing a point-blank rocket barrage at the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Anya''': Dirty shoes.

=== ''The Abandoned Mask'' ===
:''[Lelouch remembers all of his friends including Nina, Kallen, Suzaku, and Nunally ]''
:'''Lelouch''': Long time ago, Nunally, Suzaku, and I talked about something. We wondered what happiness would look like if we could give it a physical form. If I'm not mistaken, I think it was Suzaku that said that the shape of happiness might resemble glass. His reasoning made sense. He said that even though you don't usually notice it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently.
(''In the Britannian Government Bureau'')
:'''Nunnally''': How do you do everyone?. I am Nunnally vi Britannia of the royal family, 87th in line to the imperial throne. Due to the unfortunate untimely loss of Duke Calares recently, I'll shall assuming the viceroyship of Area 11 in his place.

=== ''One Million Miracles'' ===

:'''C.C.''': The one time a man never lies is when he makes a vow in his own heart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Anya''': Are you some kind of masochist?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch, several Knights of the Round, and Lloyd Asplund are about to discuss the Special Administrative Zone of Japan]''  
:'''Lloyd''': Excuse me, I just wanted to ask you. Are you the same Zero as before, or are you a brand new one?  
:'''Lelouch''': Zero's truth is not based on who is within. It is the actions that measure the man.
:'''Lloyd''': A-ha, a philosopher.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch appears at the ceremonies that were for the opening of the Special Adminstrative Zone of Japan]''
:'''Lelouch''': I do not wish to be in your debt. However, I have a question. What does it mean to Japanese? A nation.
:'''Suzaku''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': It is language, territory, bloodlines?
:'''Suzaku''': No, that is not it. It is in the heart.
:'''Lelouch''':  Then we are in agreement. A feeling within, of belonging, diginity, pride, the culture is carried in the heart. You are Japanese no matter where you are.

=== ''A Bride in the Red Forbidden City'' ===

:''[Tamaki interrupts a conversation between Sugiyama, Minami, and Asahina about the Chinese Federation]''
:'''Tamaki''': Asahina, don't you know? The High Eunuchs may be guys, but they got no jewels down below!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch and Schneizel are playing chess; Lelouch decides to move his king]''
:'''Schneizel el Britannia''': It is your king.  
:'''Lelouch''': If the king does not lead, then how can he expect his subordinates to follow?
:'''Schneizel''':  Impressive strategy. In fact, I will do the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': What?! A political marriage?!
:'''Kaguya''': Yes. I've recieved an invitation to the weddding from the Sumeragi conglomerate. The bride is to be the empress, icon of the Chinese Federation. I'm her good friend and she wants me to attend.
:'''Tohdoh''': And the groom is to be the First Prince of Britannia.
:'''Rakshata''': That one they call Odysseus.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Annoucer''': Annoucing the arrival of the Prime Minister of the Holy Britannian Empire, Second Prince Schneizel!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''(Nina was about to attack Zero with a knife but she is stopped by Suzaku)''
:'''Nina''': ZERO! Princess Euphemia will be AVENGED!!!
:'''Suzaku''': (holding her arm) Stop it, Nina! Drop the knife!
:'''Nina''': Aah!! Why are you stopping me? You all people should've understand since you were Princess Euphemia's knight!
:'''Suzaku''': That's right. But why...?
:'''Nina''': You were just an Eleven after all! I give you... ''(Kallen stopped Nina before she's about to kill Zero)'' Why, Kallen? You're half-Britannian and yet you choose to protect that monster!
:'''Kallen''': No, that's incorrect. I'm Japanese, Nina.
:'''Nina''': No, you're not. You're an Eleven! You're an Eleven and you pretended to be my FRIEND?!! GIVE HER BACK TO ME!!! GIVE BACK PRINCESS EUPHEMIA!!! I NEEDED HER, SHE WAS A GODDESS TO ME!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''(Zero, Kaguya, and Kallen are surrounded by guards)''
:'''Empress Tianzi''': Kaguya!
:'''Xia Wang''': Well, our wedding present has arrived on its own accord. My, this worked out wonderfully.
:'''Tianzi''': You're giving them Kaguya too?!
:'''Zhao Hao''': Put that girl out of your mind, her crimes warrant of the death penalty.
:'''Tianzi''': No you can't! That's wrong! This isn't Britannia!
:'''Xia Wang''': Your Majesty, the Black Knights are the ones who killed Gao Hai. Please don't get involved and leave the politics to us. Isn't that what you always done? Let's us handle things our way.
:'''Tianzi''': But... She's a friend.
:'''Schneizel''': Can we please stop this quarreling now? Today's the day of celebration, it is not?
:'''Cai Lishi''': But, sir...
:'''Schneizel''': Miss Sumeragi, would you refrain of having Zero accompanying me to the wedding tomorrow?
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': I suppose... I don't have much of a choice, do I?
:'''Cai Lishi''': If that is the wish of the Prime Minister of Britannia. Then, withdraw!
''(Cai Lishi orders the guards to withdraw)''
:'''Zero''': So Schneizel, you appeared right before me. (''Suzaku is protecting Prince Schneizel)'' Hmph, as watchful as ever I see.
:'''Kaguya''': Suzaku Kururugi, do you remember me? We're cousins you and I.
:'''Suzaku''': Of course, I do.
:'''Kaguya''': We're the last remaining survivors of the Six Houses of Kyoto, aren't we?
:'''Suzaku''': Taizō Kirihara and the others supported terrorists. Nothing could've stay their executions.
:'''Kaguya''': But this is different. Cousin, did you forget that Master Zero once saved your life. Do you plan to execute someone you own your life to?
:'''Suzaku''': There's no comparison.
:'''Kaguya''': Oh, how sad! It's a good thing we're not able to kill anybody nearly of the words we say.
:'''Zero''': Prince Schneizel, would you care for a game of chess?
:'''Schneizel''': Chess?
:'''Zero''': If I win, I like to have Sir Kururugi. 
:'''Suzaku''': Huh?
:'''Kallen''': What?
:'''Zero''': I want to give him to you, Lady Kaguya.
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': Oh! How it will be a absolutely marvelous present!
:'''Zero''': Enjoy your anticipation of it. ''(Thinking)'' If I can get Suzaku out of here, I can use my Geass on all the others. A checkmate that will turn everything around.
:'''Schneizel''': I'll agreed to you on terms. However, If you lose, I want you to remove your mask and show your face.
:'''Zero''': Agreed.
:'''Schneizel''': What a fine evening of entertainment this has turned into.

=== ''When the'' Shen Hu ''Wins Glory'' ===

:''[the Black Knights have blundered into a trap laid by Xingke and are now fighting a losing battle against Chinese Federation forces]''
:'''Lelouch''': You've earned your victory, Xingke. I should have killed you first. You're as good a tactician as I am, and as strong a warrior as Suzaku. One could say that the heavens blessed you twice.
:''[cut to Zhou Xianglin, on the bridge of the Chinese Federation mobile command post]''
:'''Zhou Xianglin''': Yes, but the heavens didn't give him enough time to live.

=== ''Power of Passion'' ===

:'''C.C.''': The little devil grows up, huh?
:'''Lelouch''': And you're still a witch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gino Weinberg, now a student at Ashford Academy, has just introduced himself to Lelouch]''
:'''Gino''': I am really looking forward to this… ''[lengthy pause]'' …old man[pats Lelouch on the back].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The human heart is the source of all our power [...] We fight with the power of our hearts.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nina''': A single shot from the ''Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s Stark Hadron cannon would demolish the Mausoleum, wouldn't it?
:'''Lloyd ''': Well, yes. If you just want to crush them.
:'''Kanon Maldini''': And the moment we did that they'd say we killed their empress. We have to let the High Eunuchs make that last mortal blow.
:'''Zhao Hao''': So, you admit you're outmatched. Well, we won't accept your surrender. It's too late now.
:'''Lelouch''': You insist on fighting? Even though your own empress will die in the attack?
:'''Zhao Hao''': The empress is merely a system. There are plenty of others to replace her.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': So you can't use her as a bargaining chip.
:'''Lelouch''': But you use her to gain noble titles in the Britannian court.
:'''Zhao Hao''': You have sharp ears, don't you? A cheap price to pay for power.
:'''Lelouch''': Cheap? A phony treaty that gives China's land to a foreign nation?
:'''Xia Wang''': Land is nothing but dirt, after all.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Correct. We're Britannian noblemen now. That's what counts.
:'''Lelouch''': And what about the common people you sworn to protect?
:'''Zhao Hao''': Zero, when you walk down the street, do you worry about stepping on the ants?
:'''Cheng Zhong''': You throw away paper that clings to your bottom, don't you? It's the same thing.
:'''Lelouch''': You sell out your country, abandon your empress, betray your own people, and all for what?
:'''Xia Wang''': An idealist. I never thought you were so naïve, Zero.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Indeed! Masters and commoners will always breed.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': Like insects!
:'''Futaba Sumeragi''': Radiant shield generators 2 and 5 are offline!
:'''Ohgi''': That leaves the deck exposed!
:'''Tianzi''': Stop it!
:'''Kaguya''': Your Majesty!
:'''Lelouch''': Noblemen, you're bureaucrats, paper pushers who know nothing about ''noblesse oblige''!
:'''Tianzi''': Please stop it! You have to stop all this fighting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Xingke''': Someone do it - I don't care who! But please, SOMEONE SAVE HER!!.
:'''Lelouch''': Very well, I understand. Your wish is granted. ''Deploys the Shinkirō and activates its shield, protecting the Empress and Xingke''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': How pathetic, Xingke. You were betrayed by your own countrymen. And you couldn't even save one little girl. Do you get it now? You need me. I'm the only ally you can rely on.
:'''Xingke''': I'll never be subordinate to you, Zero!
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': Subordinate? No. You have the potential to lead your entire nation. They need deliverance. Your empress, and all the helpless people of the Chinese Federation. They're crying out for it.
:'''Xingke''': Do you think your Knightmare can turn the tide of this battle?
:'''Lelouch''': Not at all. The tide of war is determined by strategy, not tactics.
:'''Soldier''': Emergency alert! Riots have broken out in Shanghai!
:'''Xia Wang''': Street riots?
:'''Shanghai Citizen 1''': Damn you!
:'''Shanghai Citizen 2''': You'll pay for this!
:'''Xia Wang''': They are rioting?! In Shanghai?!
:'''Soldier''': It's not just Shanghai. Suzhou, Beijing, Burma, Jakarta, Islamabad, and there are 14 other areas we're still confirming. People are rising up everywhere.
:'''Nina''': Rebellions breaking out simultaneously?
:'''Cécile''': Yes. They're broadcasting the communication between Zero and the High Eunuchs.
:'''Kanon''': Communication? So they were conspiring without informing us.
:'''Schneizel''': Can you run it?
:'''Cécile''': Yes.
:'''Zhao Hao''': The empress is merely a system. There are plenty of others to replace her.
:'''Lelouch''': And what about the common people you sworn to protect?
:'''Zhao Hao''': Zero, when you walk down the street, do you worry about stepping on the ants?
:'''Xia Wang''': Indeed! Masters and commoners will always breed.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': Like insects!
:'''Lelouch''': Thanks to the empress, the High Eunuchs are now firmly cast as the villains.
:'''Xingke''': You mean, you planned on their betrayal?
:'''Kanon''': He couldn't have caused this. It's happening too fast.
:'''Schneizel''': Unless he made use of someone else's plan already in place.
:'''Lelouch''': Correct. I've stolen other strategy of yours as well. We start a coup and the people rise up.
:'''Tohdoh''': In other words, we're not trapped here without reinforcements!
:'''Diethard''': We do have reinforcements. The starving masses of this land are the backup we needed!
:'''Chiba''': Then we could take offensive and strike!
:'''Anya''': The Black Knights are to be annihilated.
:'''C.C.''': She's just as tough as I expected. No!
:'''Anya''': What is this?
:'''C.C.''': So that's what you did.
:'''Chiba''': What's that?
:'''Asahina''': Now's our chance!
:'''Suzaku''': Anya, no!
:'''Gino''': This is the ''Tristan''. I'm moving in to cover the ''Mordred''.
:'''Tamaki''': Push them back now!
:'''Platoon Leader 1''': Fools! Deploying their ground forces at this point in the battle.
:'''Platoon Leader 2''': If we bomb them from the air, we'll destroy them.
:'''Schneizel''': No, we're withdrawing. Nations aren't dirt, and they're not systems. They're people. The High Eunuchs have lost the people's support. They're no longer qualified to join us as representatives of the Chinese Federation.
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, your highness.
:'''Futaba''': The ''Avalon'' and the Knights of the Round are withdrawing.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, I thought that's what you do, brother. However...
:'''Schneizel''': What do you think the emperor would've done, Kanon? Forget it. I was just musing a bit.
:'''Xingke''': So, Prince Schneizel has abandoned you. So much for your titles.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Don't hurt us! We'll give up our power, whatever you want!
:'''Xingke''': Still worried about your own skin?!
:''[Xingke kills and beheads all the Eunuchs with his sword]''

=== ''Love Attack!'' ===

:''[en route to the OSI command post, Lelouch is ambushed by a girl named Miya, who steals his hat]''
:'''Miya''': I did it! Now I get to be Lelouch's girlfriend!
:'''Lelouch''': Of course. ''[turns around to face Miya]'' Miya, is it?
:'''Miya''': What's up, honeybunch?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[removes his contact lens to reveal his active Geass sigil]'' Would you mind very much giving me that hat back?
:'''Miya''': ''[is overcome by Geass]'' Okay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Miya''': Now I'm more confused than usual. What am I doing here?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch is overseeing Sayoko's actions from the OSI's underground command post]''
:'''Lelouch''': Sayoko, watch what you have me say, or I'll come off as being kind of mental.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rivalz is prowling the campus on his motorcycle looking for Lelouch so he can deliver him to Milly]''
:'''Rivalz''': Prez, if Lelouch is who you want, then I, Rivalz Cardemonde, will give you what you want! My best friend in the world!
:''[Rivalz spots the'' Mordred ''flying overhead]''
:'''Rivalz''': Whoa, that can't be for real!
:'''Anya''': It is.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Anya has just smashed through the library wall with the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s fist, and Viletta is trying to talk her down]''
:'''Viletta''': Knight of Six, milady! This is an operations area of the OSI! Please, withdraw your Knightmare at once!
:'''Anya''': This is wrong?
:'''Viletta''': Yes, very wrong!
:'''Anya''': Wrong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gino tries to explain the deployment of the'' Mordred ''at Ashford Academy to the Knight Police]''
:'''Gino''': This is a school for commoners. Things like this happen all the time.

=== ''The Assassin from the Past'' ===
:'''Bartley''': They say they're going to kill God.
:'''Cornelia''': God?
:'''Bartley''': I thought they were speaking metaphorically. But now, at the very least, these people believe what they're saying!
:'''Cornelia''': Ridiculous! To believe in God... there's no such being!
:'''V.V.''': That's right. ''(Both Bartley and Cornelia turn to see V.V.)'' Knowing goddesses and long bearded white men in white gowns in kingdoms and clouds. No, not that sort of god-- ''(Cornelia throws a knife into V.V.'s forehead, knocking him to the ground.)''
:'''Bartley''': ''(shocked)'' Princess Cornelia!
:'''Cornelia''': Who knows what type of Geass he controls? You must never let your guard down, even for a child!
:'''V.V.''': ''(still alive)'' Yes, that's correct. ''(stands up)'' Cornelia, you do left you're reputation, don't you? ''(He then takes the knife out of his forehead.)'' As your uncle, I'm very proud of you.
:'''Cornelia''': ''(shocked)'' My what?
:'''V.V.''': We made a solemn vow. If there was ever a God that made men fight each other. We must kill him and his divine rule.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': Right. I've sent Jeremiah on ahead. He'll take care of any obstacles in the way. Don't try to fight him. He just came over to our side. 
:''[He runs up the escalator and then stops and sees someone lying on the ground in the smoke. Immediately worried, he quickly runs over and gasps in terror when he sees who it is. Shirley Fenette is lying on the ground with blood leaking from her body, a ghastly chest wound being the source of the bleeding.]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[horrified]'' ''Shirley!''
:''[He kneels down to her, overlooking her mortal wounds.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Shirley, who did this to you?
:'''Shirley''': ''[voice weak]'' Lulu... I'm glad we can talk at the very end.
:'''Lelouch''': Don't say that. It's not the end. ''[takes out his cellphone]'' I'll call a doctor, so just--
:''[Shirley puts her hand on Lelouch's cellphone to stop him.]''
:'''Shirley''': Ever since my memories have come back, I've been feeling so very afraid. A teacher who wasn't a teacher. Friends who don't have memories to share. Everyone... was just... lying. It felt as though the whole world was spying on me. That's the world you've been fighting all by yourself, isn't it? All alone. So that's why I... why I wanted to be someone who would at least be truthful to you.
:'''Lelouch''': Shirley...
:'''Shirley''': Lulu... I love you. Even knowing how you caught my father in all this... I simply couldn't hate you. Even though you made me forget everything, I still fell in love with you. ''[She tightens her grip on Lelouch's hand.]'' Even though my memories were tampered with, I kept falling in love... with you all over again. 
:''[As her life peters out, her eyes begin to close.]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Shirley! ''You can't die!''
:''[He activates his Geass, attempting to will her into finding the strength to survive. While it kicks in, Shirley manages to overcome it.]''
:'''Shirley''': No matter how many times I'm reborn... ''[More blood has started pouring up from the hole in her chest.]'' ...I'll keep falling in love with you, Lulu. ''[Her blood is leaking onto the floor, to Lelouch's feet.]'' I suppose that it's simply fate.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[desperate]'' NO! DON'T DIE! ''[He uses his Geass yet again.]'' I ''ORDER'' YOU NOT TO DIE!
:''[Once again, the Geass has no lasting effect.]''
:'''Shirley''': So is that okay, then, Lulu? ''[Tears are forming in Lelouch's eyes.]'' And as I'm reborn... I'll fall in love with you over and over. ''[Tears are filling Shirley's own eyes as they continue to close.]'' I'll keep... falling... in love... with... ...
:''[Her voice giving out, Shirley closes her eyes and dies. Her hand falls limp into the pool of her own blood.]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[shocked, disbelieving]'' Shirley...? ''Shirley!'' 
:''[He stares in denial at her corpse with tears pouring from his eyes, shaking in grief... and he screams in despair.]''

=== ''Geass Hunt'' ===
:'''Jeremiah''': That machine was made so that I could prove my loyalty.
:'''V.V.''': Jeremiah, I thought that you had a personal grudge against Zero.
:'''Jeremiah''': I did because I thought he was a mere commoner preventing me from serving the royal family, but now I know who he is, and I know that by serving him, I am serving MY LADY MARIANNE!

:''[Lelouch and Cornelia prepare to strike the final blow on V.V.'s ''Siegfried ''.]''
:'''Cornelia''': Now you will suffer for what you did to Euphie…
:'''Lelouch''': …the source…
:'''Lelouch &amp; Cornelia''': ''(In unison)'' …of Geass!

=== ''C's World'' ===
''[In C's World, the emperor and Lelouch finally meet face to face]''
:'''Charles''': It's been a long time, Lelouch. My prodigal son.
:'''Lelouch''': Answer my question about eight years ago! Why you didn't tried to protect Mother? You knew the others were plotting against her! You know everything!
:'''Charles''': People are not equal!
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Charles''': You have a unique form of Geass! A power that no one else possesses! Use it, to get the answer from me!
:'''Lelouch''': [Thinking] He's baiting me, trying to get me to use my Geass on him. But... If I look into his eyes, then he'll look into mine. His Geass requires eye contact just like mine does. So the moment I look, his Geass will take control of me and he'll alter my memories. What will I do?
:'''Charles''': What's wrong? Are you not my son, a prince of Britannia?
:'''Lelouch''': [activating his Geass] I have no time to make the wrong choice!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Ohgi is waiting when finally he meets Villetta]''
:'''Ohgi''': Chigusa.
:'''Villetta''': That was the name you called me when I lost my memory. What's my real name?
''[She points her gun at Ohgi]''
:'''Ohgi''': Villetta. But that doesn't change anything. 
:'''Villetta''': I am a Britannian baroness. No matter what the reason, if I don't erase the disgrace of my having loved an Eleven, I won't be able to live in this world.
:'''Ohgi''': I suppose not. If I must die, I just wish it could've been in Japan.
:'''Villetta''': You came here knowing I was going to kill you?
:'''Ohgi''': Everybody dies. I wanted to choose the time.
:'''Villetta''': You can also choose to kill me if you want. Tell me, why did a terrorist save a Britannian in the first place?
:'''Ohgi''': In the beginning, I thought I could get information from you about Zero. I tricked you, kept you under surveillance. But while we lived together, I-
:'''Villetta''': I'm your sworn enemy!
:'''Ohgi''': But I still love you!
:'''Villetta''': Are you insane?!
:'''Ohgi''': I must be. You are the enemy. But I can't stop myself from loving you!
:'''Villetta''': [sobbing] I wish I've never set eyes on you-
''[Suddenly Sayoko appears]''
:'''Ohgi''': From the Intelligence?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Lelouch and Charles are in C's World]''
:'''Lelouch''': What is Geass? I wan't the truth.
:'''Charles''': How strange. A child who's wrapped himself in lies desires the truth from others.
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Charles''': The false name and false mask of Zero - what has it gotten you?
:'''Lelouch''': Everything! It's gotten me all of the things that ordinary people can never obtain. Followers. Territory.
:'''Charles''': You lost Euphemia. Suzaku and Nunally are also lost to your lies.
:'''Lelouch''': Shut up! I did what I had to do. People lie to survive. No one is blameless.
:'''Charles''': You want others to know your true self, yet you only show them a false face. How can anyone know you if you don’t reveal yourself? If you hide behind masks, you are afraid that they’ll find out who you really are.
:'''Lelouch''': No!
:'''Charles''': In the end, your lies serve no purpose because you are me and I am you. All else is illusion. Though there are worlds without end, there is but one being; in the past, in the future, and now, there is only one.
:'''Lelouch''': One? What are you saying?
''[C.C. appears]''
:'''C.C.''': Charles. Play time is over now. There's nothing in it for me now, no values in the games anymore.
:'''Lelouch''': C.C.?
:'''C.C.''': You don't have to cajole him like this to get me here. I already exist in this realm.
:'''Charles''': True enough, C.C. In that case, I shall grant your wish.
:'''Lelouch''': You know what C.C.'s wish is?
:'''C.C.''': Lelouch, it's time you know the conditions of our contract and what I desire. My wish is to die; to end my existence in all worlds forever.
:'''Lelouch''': But why? Why would you want to die?
:'''C.C.''': In the final stage of Geass, the user attains the position of the one who granted them the power. Thus, you have gained the power to kill me.
:'''Lelouch''': Kill you? C.C...
:'''C.C.''': Of all those I have made contracts with, none has ever reached that point. But now there's Charles. He has done it.
:'''Lelouch''': You mean... You made the contract with me so you could cease to exist?
:'''C.C.''': Correct.
:'''Lelouch''': But why would you want to die?
:'''C.C.''': It's providence; a boundary. Only when it's final can we call it life.
:'''Lelouch''': That's wrong! We call it life because we feel it.
:'''C.C.''': Same thing. There is no life unless there is death.
:'''Lelouch''': That's just word play, it's not real!
:'''C.C.''': People die, that's real.
:'''Lelouch''': Why are we born at all? What's the purpose of it? The meaning?
:'''C.C.''': You know the answer. Those things are all just illusions.
:'''Lelouch''': No! Living just to die is too sad.
:'''C.C.''': Without death, all we have are just random events. Accumulation. You can't call that life. If you have a reason for living, then you have to kill me. Do that and you'll be Charles' equal. You'll finally be able to beat him. So fare thee well, Lelouch. You're too kind to end our contract.
:'''Lelouch''': Wait! You're - Aaahhh!
''[Lelouch falls] [Charles grins]''

=== ''United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One'' ===

:''[Lelouch is trying to deal with C.C.'s amnesia]''
:'''C.C''': What should I be doing now?
:'''Lelouch''': Let's see now. Sing me a song while hopping on one foot and wearing your clothes inside-out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Suzaku attempts to apologize to Kallen for his mistreatment of her]''
:'''Suzaku''': I'm sorry!
:''[Kallen assaults Suzaku, her words punctuated by punches and slaps]''
:'''Kallen''': What the hell does ''that'' mean?! There's no need to ''apologize''! It's either ''right'' or ''wrong''! You think you can flip on the good-guy routine whenever you like?! Not when I'm this pissed off! Kallen Kōzuki's a soldier, not a sideshow! ''[scoffs at Suzaku as she sits back down]'' I'm mostly pissed off because you're not resisting. ''[pauses for a moment as Suzaku groans in agony]'' There. Put me to death. An inmate assaulting a Knight of the Round should be good reason enough for anyone.
:'''Suzaku''': No, I won't, because I'm the one who did wrong.
:'''Kallen''': ''[mockingly]'' &quot;No, I won't.&quot; '''I HATE YOU!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Anya''': Memories that people have are always fake. No point in believing in them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Luciano Bradley, the Knight of Ten, introduces himself to Suzaku]''
:'''Luciano Bradley''': What do people value most, Sir Kururugi the traitor? Their own life, of course.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Luciano interrupts a conversation between Nunnally and Kallen]''
:'''Nunnally''': I don't believe I gave you permission to enter this area, Sir Bradley.
:'''Luciano''': My apologies, Your Highness.
:'''Kallen''': Well, so you're the Vampire of Britannia.
:'''Luciano''': Yes. It's a shame we're not on a battlefield, or I could savor your blood as well.
:'''Kallen''': Pity. So, you here to finish off the hostage?
:'''Luciano''': Not so. Hostages have only one value I care for. It seems to hold dear to life, and when alive, one can do anything he has a whim for…''to its body''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lloyd, Cécile, Nina, Suzaku, and Anya are discussing plans for an impending attack on Tokyo]''
:'''Cécile''': Huh? Mount the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' onto the ''Lancelot''?
:'''Lloyd''': Well, the intention was for Suzaku to pilot the ''Guren'', but…
:'''Suzaku''': ''[surprised]'' The ''Guren''?
:'''Cécile''': Sorry, he's right. I got so carried away I forgot. It's just, Lloyd and I got so wrapped up in our little hobby that we--
:'''Suzaku''': Hobby?
:'''Lloyd''': Rakshata's mechanisms are quite easy to tinker with. Now it's so souped up it can't be flown! End result, you're our little devicer again!
:'''Nina''': Excuse me, Professor Lloyd? Now that you've mentioned the ''Lancelot''--
:'''Lloyd''': You wouldn't mix up a strategic weapon with a tactical one, would you?
:'''Nina''': I have thought it through. Any matter caught in the primary effect field will be annihilated by the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s rapid sphere collapse.
:'''Cécile''': Hold on! You want Suzaku to fire a weapon like that?!
:'''Anya''': He'll kill his own people. A massacre.
:'''Nina''': Suzaku, you don't consider yourself an Eleven anymore, right? That's why I want to entrust the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' to you.
:'''Suzaku''': You'd give me…that burden?
:'''Nina''': You were Princess Euphemia's knight, so naturally.
:'''Lloyd''': ''[spins in a circle before facing Nina]'' Nina, darling, a fine quandary. Might just kill Suzaku…and take you along as well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch, shaken significantly by the reappearance of Emperor Charles, returns to his quarters, where C.C. attempts to offer him one last slice of pizza]''
:'''C.C.''': Uh, Master, I kept this last piece so you could have it. You left without having breakfast and must be hungry. So, please, if you--
:'''Lelouch''': '''''BE QUIET!'''''
:''[Lelouch attacks C.C. in a fit of rage, shattering the plate she's carrying and sending her to the floor; he then relents as he sees her bleeding from a large cut on her finger]''
:'''Lelouch''': Hey--
:'''C.C.''': ''[starts cowering, thinking that Lelouch is going to start beating her]'' Forgive me, Master! I'll clean it up at once!
:'''Lelouch''': No! Leave it there! ''[starts attending to C.C.'s wound]'' Be careful now. You're bleeding.
:'''C.C.''': No, it's fine. I'm okay. I get cut up all the time.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' All the time?
:'''C.C.''': Bleeding feels even better when it's cold. It feels warm on your outside. It stings a bit, but only on the outside, and that's always better than hurt on your inside. It's just, any kind of warmth helps make you try to keep going. ''[Lelouch is visibly shivering as he holds C.C.'s hand]'' Oh, lookit, Master, you're shaking. Are you cold now?
:'''Lelouch''': Uh, yeah, maybe. Maybe I am. ''[C.C. starts holding Lelouch's hand as well]'' And the hurt on the inside…how's it healed?
:'''C.C.''': You just think of… ''[pauses as she tries to think]'' …some friends.
:'''Lelouch''': Huh?
:'''C.C.''': I've never actually had one. Not like families. That always comes and goes. I mean, someone special who stands beside you. At least, I guess that's what I've heard that friends do.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, they do.
:'''C.C.''': I'm right? A friend will stand by your side?
:'''Lelouch''': Exactly right. A friend is always there.

=== ''The Taste of Dirt'' ===
:'''Luciano''': Irrelevant. Killing is all one should do on the battlefield!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch is meeting Suzaku in the Kururugi Shrine asking for his help to protect Nunnally.]''
:'''Suzaku''': I need to know. Did you use your Geass power on Euphy? Be honest.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes.
:'''Suzaku''': You caused her to massacre the Japanese?
:'''Lelouch''': I ordered her to do it.
:'''Suzaku''': Why would you use your Geass power like that?! ''[He doesn't answer]'' Answer me!
:'''Lelouch''': To motivate the Japanese people. If the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan had been established, the Black Knights would have collapsed.
:'''Suzaku''': And Shirley's death?
:'''Lelouch''': Also my fault.
:'''Suzaku''': You aren't even human, you know that? Shirley and Euphy...Were both of them nothing more than pawns for your ambitions?
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, that's right. So all the sin is mine to shoulder. My little sister had nothing to do with it!
:'''Suzaku''': Why you coward! How could you use Nunnaly like that?! ''[Lelouch gets down on his legs.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku, I'm sorry. For the first time in my life, I'm bowing down to another person. Shame and honor mean nothing to me. All I want is this, and my Geass be damned! Just please, you have to save Nunnaly! I beg of-- ''[Suzaku's shoe steps on Lelouch's head, which causes him to fall to the ground with Suzaku keeping him down.]''
:'''Suzaku''': After everything you've done, you really think this is sufficient? You believe some bowing and begging is enough for me to forgive you?!
:'''Lelouch''': No, of course I don't, but it's all I got! I have nothing else left to offer! You're the only person in the world who can save my sister now!
:'''Suzaku''': So you believe...I'll just ignore the past and forgive you? That everyone is going to forgive you?! ''[He puts more pressure on Lelouch's head.]'' The people you've tricked...The people who've died thanks to you...And what about Euphy?! You wanna apologize?! Then bring Euphy back to life! Right now! I wanna see you save the world with all your malice! Right now! You're Zero, the miracle worker, aren't you?!
:'''Lelouch''': I've preformed no miracles! It's all been calculation and stage production. The mass they call Zero is a symbol! Just a device that lets me tell lies!
:'''Suzaku''': Device?! You don't really expect me to believe that excuse, do you?! ''[Suzaku takes his shoe off Lelouch and picks him up by his shoulders.]'' If you're going to tell a lie, then keep it up 'til the very end!
:'''Lelouch''': I can't go back to the past! There's not a choice! You know I can't undo what's already been done!
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch! YOU WILL ANSWER ME! ''[He throws Lelouch to the ground.]'' Why did you use your Geass on me to make me wanna live?! '''WHY?!''' The Geass you used on me that drives me to live has corrupted my convictions! Why would you put such a curse on me?!
:'''Lelouch''': I only did it because I wanted to survive.
:'''Suzaku''': Then why did you save me when I was accused of Prince Clovis' murder?
:'''Lelouch''': I wanted to make the Japanese trust me, that's all.
:'''Suzaku''': Why did you save the student council members from the hotel jacking?
:'''Lelouch''': Because I thought it presented an ideal for the Black Knights' debut.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[Thinking]'' The look in his eyes...I know that look...The look of torment that comes from bottling up a lie. That's why I joined the Britannian Army: for redemption. So that the tragedy wouldn't repeat itself. ''[Aloud]'' You're lying, aren't you? Lelouch, there's only one way to redeem yourself for yourself. Turn your falsehoods into the truth. 
:'''Lelouch''': Huh?
:'''Suzaku''': You told the world a lie when you proclaimed you were a knight for justice. Why don't you live up to that lie by trying to become a true knight for justice. Then you'll have the lie going, to the very end.
:'''Lelouch''': But how? How can I do that?
:'''Suzaku''': By putting an end to this war. You are Zero. This job, only Zero can do it. It's within your power. Bring peace and happiness to the world. If you do that, I'll save Nunnally.
:'''Lelouch''': You will? You'll save her?
:'''Suzaku''': But we'll work together. One more time for her sake.
:'''Lelouch''': I'm grateful. The two of us together. We can accomplish anything. ''[Lelouch was about to grab Suzaku's hand, when a bullet stops them. After, several Knightmares surround them.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Wha-What the...?
:'''Claudio''': Hold it right there, Zero!
:'''Bart''': We've already uncovered your true identity! ''[A group of Britannian soldiers surround Lelouch and Suzaku.]''
:'''Britannian Soldier #1''': Are you all right, Sir Kururugi?
:'''Britannian Soldier #2''': Please, stay back!
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku...''[The Britannian soldiers point their guns at Lelouch while two others restrain him.]'' You set me up from the start?!
:'''Suzaku''': No, wait--! ''[Kanon puts his hand on Suzaku's shoulder.]'' 
:'''Kanon''':You've done a great deed here, Sir Kururugi. Excellent work. You've managed to bring this war to an end.
:'''Lelouch''': I see...You planned to sell me out again...You betrayed me, Suzaku...'''YOU BETRAYED ME!!!'''

=== ''The Second Decisive Battle of Tokyo'' ===

:''[Jeremiah in the'' Sutherland Sieg ''attacks Suzaku's'' Lancelot Conquista'', much to Suzaku's surprise]''
:'''Suzaku''': Jeremiah, is that you?!
:'''Jeremiah''': Suzaku Kururugi, I owe you a debt. I sympathize with you. I respect you. But in this situation…''loyalty trumps all!''
:''[Suzaku attempts to disengage from the'' Sutherland Sieg'']''
:'''Suzaku''': The ''Siegfried''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s--
:'''Jeremiah''': Take this! ''[fires a rocket barrage at the'' Lancelot Conquista'']'' The storm of my '''LOYALTY!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gino Weinberg joins the fray above Tokyo, just in time to save Suzaku from Jeremiah]''
:'''Gino''': No one can defeat a Knight of the Round. ''No one!''
:''[Gino manages to score a hit on the'' Sutherland Sieg'', freeing Suzaku in the process]''
:'''Suzaku''': Gino, thank you.
:'''Gino''': Can't you look a bit happier when someone saves your life? ''[beat]'' Lord Jeremiah! So, what they said about Orange was true, huh?
:'''Jeremiah''': Orange, you say? ''[chuckles]'' That is the name of my loyalty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Anya Alstreim ambushes Lelouch and starts firing the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s guns at the'' Shinkirō ''at point-blank range]''
:'''Anya''': Which one do you think is stronger, your shield or my Stark Hadron Cannon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano Bradley gets ready to kill Lelouch]''
:'''Luciano''': Here's a question: What do people value most? Answer: Their life, of course!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano finds himself under attack by Shinichirō Tamaki and his'' Akatsuki ''squadron]''
:'''Tamaki''': Let Zero go! Or you'll have to deal with me, Shinichirō Tamaki, his best bud!
:''[Luciano fires a missile barrage from the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s shield, destroying the'' Akatsukis ''besieging him; Tamaki bails out]''
:'''Tamaki''': ''[frustrated]'' Damn it! This always happens to me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch attempts a sneak attack on Luciano by firing the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s main gun at point-blank range, only to find himself at the end of the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand-mounted drill lance]''
:'''Luciano''': Just what I was waiting for, Zero! To go into attack mode, you dropped your shield! Now I will take what you value most and ''blow it away!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lloyd is despairing over the theft of the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.'']''
:'''Lloyd''': You thieves! That's mine, all mine!
:'''Cécile''': Oh, not quite! I did some of the upgrades, ''remember?''
:'''Lloyd''': Oh, right, it's actually a collaboration. Oh, ''what am I talking about?!'' With a capable devicer, even at 60% output, that unit can cut the other Knightmares to ribbons!
:''[meanwhile, Rakshata is indignant over Lloyd and Cécile's tampering with the original'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Rakshata''': That's the Earl of Pudding's work and Cécile's energy wings! How dare they, altering my ''Guren'' without my permission!
:'''Ohgi''': Still, now that we've got Kallen back in the combat zone…
:'''Tohdoh''': …it will even up the battle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Britannian officer''': Sir Bradley, you have permission to destroy the ''Guren''.
:'''Luciano''': Irrelevant! Killing is all one should do on the battlefield!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano and Kallen trade barbs while dueling over the skies of Tokyo in their respective Knightmares]''
:'''Luciano''': Eleven! Do you know the prime truth of the battlefield? Kill a man off the field, and you're a criminal, but kill him on it, and you're a ''big'' hero!
:'''Kallen''': So, the Vampire of Britannia wants to be a hero now, is that it?
:'''Luciano''': No, not at all. War allows me to officially take what people value most: ''Their lives!''
:'''Kallen''': Some knight. You're barely a ''scoundrel!''
:''[Kallen destroys the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s shield with a ranged Radiant Wave Surger blast; Luciano readies the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s drill lance in response and charges]''
:'''Luciano''': And now--
:'''Kallen''': And now what? ''[shatters the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s drill lance with the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s knife]'' That's not going to work.
:'''Luciano''': Ah, but now I've got you in close range.
:''[Luciano fires the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head-mounted Slash Harken, only to have Kallen snag the cord in the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand and then latch onto the'' Percival ''with the Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Luciano''': What?!
:'''Kallen''': Question: What do ''you'' value the most? Your own ''pitiful life''!
:'''Luciano''': You think an Eleven can threaten me?!
:'''Kallen''': Send a postcard.
:''[Kallen fries the'' Percival ''and leaves Luciano to die in his Knightmare]''
:'''Luciano''': My life! My life is taken…''by a lowly Eleven?! AAAGH!''
:''[the'' Percival ''explodes and Luciano dies]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen comes under attack by Suzaku while Gino duels a Geass-influenced Guilford]''
:'''Gino''': Kallen. So, in the end, you chose the name &quot;Kōzuki&quot; over &quot;Stadtfeld.&quot;
:'''Kallen''': That's right, which means you and I do battle once again. So, should I be happy or sad about that, Gino?
:'''Gino''': ''[chuckles]'' Why don't we just enjoy it?

=== ''Betrayal'' ===

:''[Lelouch, still in shock over Nunnally's death, goes psychotic upon spotting the locket attached to Rolo's cell phone and snatches it from his hands]''
:'''Lelouch''': What are you doing with this?! It's Nunnally's! I wanted to give this locket to Nunnally, not to you! ''To Nunnally!'' You think you could ever replace Nunnally in my heart?! You're an '''''IMPOSTER!''' [Lelouch tosses the cell phone to the ground; C.C. cowers in fear as Rolo sits there, despondent]'' Haven't you figured it out yet?! I hate you! I loathe you! '''I DESPISE YOU!''' I've been trying to kill you, but I keep '''MISSING THE CHANCE!'''
:'''Rolo''': ''[still hasn't figured it out yet, even with Lelouch telling it to his face]'' Big…brother?
:'''Lelouch''': '''GET OUT OF HERE!''' I never want to see your face again! I said, '''''GET OUT!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd''': You need to make a choice, Nina. Do you abandon science to preserve your heart, or abandon your heart and sacrifice yourself to science?
:'''Nina''': How can I do either? Did you make such a choice, Professor Lloyd?
:'''Lloyd''': I didn't have to. I'm a sociopath; I was born with an abandoned heart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Schneizel is holding a meeting with the Black Knights]''
:'''Schneizel''': Now that I think about it, I never finished my match with Zero, did I?
:'''Diethard''': Zero won't be attending. Not until we have the details of the proposal.
:'''Schneizel''': Of course. I didn't ''expect'' him to show. He's not the type who consults with others. No, he keeps things to himself and holds people at a distance.
:'''Diethard''': That's strange. You talk about him as if you know him intimately.
:'''Schneizel''': More than any of you do. Zero is our younger brother. Cornelia's and my own.
:'''Tamaki''': What are you saying?
:'''Schneizel''': He is the former 11th royal prince of the Holy Britannian Empire: Lelouch vi Britannia. The man whom I both loved and feared more than any other.
:'''Tohdoh''': Impossible.
:'''Tamaki''': You're telling us that Zero's a Britannian prince?
:'''Cornelia''': Diethard, please. In all this time, you never figure that out? Even with all the information you were getting from Jeremiah and Villetta?
:'''Diethard''': You're wasting your time. You can't cause chaos here by spreading these irrelevant stories. It's not Zero's lineage that matters but rather his efforts and the miracles that he's performed for us.
:'''Schneizel''': But what if all those miracles he perform were actually tricks.
:'''Diethard''': Tricks.
:'''Schneizel''': Zero possesses a special power. It is known as Geass. It's the absolute power to compel anyone to obey him. You can think of it as extreme hypnosis.
:'''Tohdoh''': You're saying his miracles come from that power?
:'''Tamaki''': Are you trying to dis my man Zero? He's got brains and guts and he kicks Britannian butt! A prince with Geass power? Where is the proof of all this bul, huh?
:'''Ohgi''': I have the proof.
:'''Tamaki''': Ohgi?
:'''Chiba''': And Villetta?
:'''Ohgi''': What he saying is all ''true''. Zero was a former Britannian prince named Lelouch. He controls people with his Geass power. A con man. Zero's been tricking us all along. Using us like pawns from the start.
:'''Tamaki''': You don't ''mean'' this, Ohgi.
:'''Chiba''': But if that's really true then...
:'''Diethard''': Then it doesn't matter. It doesn't erase a single thing that he's done for us. And if he really does have this Geass power, then doesn't that just help us? It's another weapon to use in our fight against Britannia.
:'''Ohgi''': Yes, that would make perfect sense if he only used it against our enemies.
:'''Tamaki''': What?
:'''Chiba''': Are you saying he used it on us?
:'''Cornelia''': Of course. He used Geass to control his own sister Euphemia. He ''made'' her slaughter the Elevens in the Special Zone.
:'''Tamaki''': You're lying! Zero is a knight for justice. He would never do something like...
:'''Schneizel''': We ''have'' evidence. ''[activates the tape recorder]''
:'''Suzaku''': Did you use your Geass power on Euphie? Be honest.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes.
:'''Suzaku''': You ''caused'' her to massacre the Japanese?
:'''Lelouch''': I ''ordered'' her to do it.
:'''Chiba''': Then, that whole bloodbath was...
:'''Cornelia''': Euphie was ''just'' a girl. Zero was in control.
:'''Tohdoh''': So Zero slaughtered our people for his own ambitions?
:'''Tamaki''': That recording is fake!
:'''Kanon''': These are people in incidents that we suspect he manipulated with his Geass.
:'''Tohdoh''': Kusakabe... Even Major General Katase!
''[The list of Geass victims like Guilford, Darlton, Shirley, Euphemia, and Suzaku revealed]''
:'''Chiba''': I can't believe it.
:'''Diethard''': Clovis.
:'''Villetta''': He used it on me, too.
:'''Ohgi''': That explains why Gao Hai changed.
:'''Chiba''': And that explains why Jeremiah and the others became traitors.
:'''Schneizel''': His Geass might be controlling even Nina. There's no way to be certain about that. When you think about it, it's a terrifying prospect.
:'''Chiba''': You mean...?
:'''Tamaki''': We could be...?
:'''Kanon''': There's one more thing. We notified Zero about the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' warhead before the battle. We wanted to avoid using it. It's still in the ''Lancelot''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s communications record. However...
:'''Tohdoh''': He never told us anything about that.
:'''Asahina''': We can't trust commander Zero!
:'''Tohdoh''': Asahina...
:'''Ohgi''': I wanted to put my trust in Zero. I wanted to believe in him, but we mean nothing to him. We're just pawns.
:'''Tamaki''': Treating us like chumps. Damn! How could he do this to us?
:'''Schneizel''': Everyone. Zero is my brother. Will you please hand him over to me for justice?
:'''Ohgi''': On one condition.
:'''Tamaki''': Ohgi!
:'''Cornelia''': You think you're in a position to bargain over this?
:'''Schneizel''': Wait, let's hear it.
:'''Ohgi''': Our Japan, return it. We're betraying our comrade, so at least we deserve to regain Japan. Otherwise, ''I'' could never forgive myself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Zero''': Kallen, it's good you made it back. I'm sorry it took so long to get you out.
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch, listen, when I was imprisoned, I happened to talk to Nunnally. She stood up for me and she saved me.
:'''Zero''': I see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Black Knights put Zero and Kallen at gunpoint]''
:'''Tohdoh''': Surrender, Zero!
:'''Chiba''': How dare you try to run a con game on us?
:'''Ohgi''': We know everything about your Geass power!
:''[Lelouch, under the mask, is horrified about what they know]''
:'''Diethard''': Zero, the renowned hero, died in battle before he could triumph, but his gallant life and daring deeds will continue to live on in myth and legend.
:'''Zero''': Is that the script you've written for me, Diethard?
:'''Diethard''': Actually, I ''wanted'' to film your brilliant campaign and glorious victory over Britannia, but I'm afraid that show's been permanently ''cancelled''.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' What do I do? Knightmares are beyond my reach, but Ohgi and the others are defenseless. If I can use my Geass secretly...
:'''Minami''': Everybody ''trusted'' you, Zero.
:'''Sugiyama''': Inoue and Yoshida sacrifice their lives for ''you''.
:'''Kallen''': Wait a minute! This is all ''one-sided!'' Look at how far we've come ''because'' of Zero. At least let him answer!
:'''Tamaki''': You're in the way, Kallen!
:'''Sugiyama''': Do you want to die with Zero?
:'''Minami''': Don't tell me he used his Geass on you, too?
:'''Kallen''': I need an answer, Lelouch. What do I mean to you? I have to know. If I could stay with you, I would. Please.
:'''Lelouch''': ''(thinking)'' Schneizel! You made your move and now you're calling check. There's no way out of this for me. It's over!
:'''Kallen''': Please answer me, Lelouch.
:'''Lelouch''': ''(laughing)'' Fools! You ''finally'' figured it out. That I've been ''using'' you all along. That's ''right''. You're all just pawns in my game.
:'''Ohgi''': Zero, so you really are...
:'''Tamaki''': Zero!
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch, no...
:'''Lelouch''': Kallen. You were my most useful piece. Much like a well-played knight. This whole world was the board for the game, and all for my entertainment.
:'''Kallen''': I see. ''Goodbye'' then, Lelouch.
:'''Tohdoh''': Get ready!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[whispering]'' Kallen, you have to ''live''.
:'''Tohdoh''': '''''Fire!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Even after being rejected by Lelouch, Rolo still comes to his aid nonetheless and helps him escape from the traitorous Black Knights]''
:'''Lelouch''': That's enough, Rolo. I don't want to live anymore.
:'''Rolo''': I won't stop, brother, because of this.
:'''Lelouch''': Stop doing—
''[Lelouch is interrupted as Rolo activates his Geass, causing an entire squadron of pursuing Akatsukis to drop out of the sky as their pilots are paralyzed]''
:'''Rolo''': All throughout my life, people have used me like a tool.
:'''Lelouch''': —this, Rolo! Why are you still trying—
''[Rolo activates his Geass again against a group of Britannian'' Portman IIs ''and destroys them with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s light hadron guns]''
:'''Rolo''': I was used by the Order.
:'''Lelouch''': —to save me?! You know that—
:'''Rolo''': And then ''you'' used me, big brother. ''[clutches his chest as he starts to feel the effects of cardiac failure due to overuse of his Geass]'' Yeah, maybe you've been using me for your ends right from the very start. But… only the time I spent with you seemed real!
:'''Lelouch''': —I was only usi—
''[Rolo activates his Geass once more against a group of Britannian'' Vincent Wards ''and destroys them with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s light hadron guns]''
:'''Rolo''': It was… those memories… that finally made me… ''human!''
''[Rolo is forced to deactivate his Geass prematurely as he starts having breathing problems, right as the'' Shinkirō ''encounters a Britannian airship]''
:'''Lelouch''': —using you! ''[sees Rolo's condition]'' Rolo!
:'''Rolo''': That's why I'm not… ''[attempts to activate his Geass again but fails to sustain it and starts coughing profusely]'' I'm not… ''[summons the effort to activate his Geass one final time]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, stop using your Geass like that! Do you want to di—
:'''Rolo''': I'm not… a tool! I do this… out of my own… free will… ''as a human being!''
''[Rolo carves the Britannian airship to pieces with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s laser, making good his and Lelouch's escape]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Rolo lands the'' Shinkirō'', Lelouch asks him why he did what he did]''
:'''Lelouch''': Rolo, why did you save me, after all I've done to you?
:'''Rolo''': Because… you're a liar, big brother. It was… a lie, wasn't it? What you said about trying to kill me, about… hating me and all of that.
:'''Lelouch''': Of course, and you saw right through me, didn't you? Just what I'd expect of my little brother.
:'''Rolo''': ''[weakly; last words]'' That's right, I thought so, 'cause I know who you really are inside your heart. I know everything about you, big brother.
:''[Lelouch places Rolo's cell phone with the attached locket in his now-lifeless hand]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, you got it right. '''Your big brother…is just a liar.'''

=== ''Emperor Dismissed'' ===

:''[within the'' Sword of Akasha'', Emperor Charles starts to set his grand plan into motion]''
:'''Charles''': God! Hear me now! The time has come to settle this!
:'''Lelouch''': You're wrong. You lift your voice to call upon God, but it's not God you need to settle things with, Charles zi Britannia.
:''[Emperor Charles turns around to face his wayward son]''
:'''Lelouch''': It's me, ''your son!''
:'''Charles''': And how will you challenge me? Neither gun nor sword will have any effect on me, nor will the power of your Geass! Nothing you can do can kill me!
:'''Lelouch''': But I don't need to kill you. By coming to this parallel realm, you've already ensured my victory.
:''[Emperor Charles grunts in surprise as the Kamine Island Thought Elevator is bombed; the skies of the'' Sword of Akasha ''turn dark and flash lightning briefly]''
:'''Charles''': You sealed the exit?!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes! You, I, and the power of Geass are now sealed in this space together. And if you can no longer interfere with the real world, then all your plans will be meaningless in the end. You may as well be ''dead''!
:'''Charles''': ''Lelouch!''
:'''Lelouch''': This system, which you created, has become a prison, which now holds your own soul captive. Now, let us repent… '''''suffering together for all eternity!'''''

=== ''The Ragnarök Connection'' ===

''[In C's world, Lelouch finally sees his mother in real form]''
:'''Lelouch''': Mother... It can't be!
:'''Marianne''': My, Lelouch. How you've grown.
:'''Lelouch''': Mo-mother!
:'''Charles''': Marianne, I see you've come.
:'''Lelouch''': Is this an illusion?! You're doing this?
:'''Marianne''': No, it really ''is'' me, Lelouch. However, I can only take on my original appearance while I'm present within this system.
:'''Lelouch''': It really is...
:'''Charles''': Lelouch, I will now answer your previous question. Half a century ago, my elder brother and I existed in a Hell on Earth; our family were just rivals competing for the throne. Assassinations occured with regularity, dealing with betrayal and spawned by lies, killing each other off. My own mother fell victim to it. My brother and I were sick and angered by the world, we therefore both sworn an oath: to create a world without lies. 
:'''Marianne''': Both C.C. and I agreed to this as well. V.V., however...
''[Cut to the Britannian homeland, eight years ago]''
:'''Marianne''': What did you call me for today? I cleared everyone out of here, I even had Cornelia withdraw.
:'''V.V.''': Sorry to do this, especially without Charles around. 
:'''Marianne''': Is this about the ''Sword of Akasha''?
:'''V.V.''': Oh, no. This is only about Charles. Ever since he met you, Charles has been acting like a different man. It seems to me that you and he have come to enjoy learning more about one another. You realize if this continues, the contract we made will never be fulfilled. I will be left alone. From the beginning of time, it's always been the woman who led the man astray.
:'''Personal guard''': Lady Marianne!
:'''Marianne''': I told you to stay out of here!
''[V.V. pulls out a rifle and kills Marianne and the guards]''
:'''V.V.''': [talking on a cellphone] The job is done. Right, Begin the cover-up, maybe we can make Nunnally act to be the witness. It's imperative that this look like the work of terrorists.
''[Anya hides behind the pillar looking at Marianne wounded]''
:'''Marianne''': Anya Alstreim, the young girl who arrived a week earlier to be schooled in etiquette. ''[Marianne uses her Geass to transfer her spirit into Anya]'' My Geass power enables me to cross over to another person's mind. The power that had been latent for so long activated for the first time as I was dying. I hid inside Anya to save myself from being killed by V.V. and when I realized when my consciousness had surfaced, I could communicate mind to mind with C.C. When she discovered the truth, C.C. left the directorship to V.V. and then disappeared.
:'''Charles''': I spoke with my brother about it. However...
:'''V.V.''': I heard; what a tragedy. I shall miss Marianne.
:'''Charles''': ''[angrily]'' My brother lied to me! After we'd sworn to create a world without deceit.
:'''Lelouch''': How dare you! Don't try to pass off blame for eveything on the dead! Nunnally and I...you sent us to Japan as hostages! 
:'''Charles: IT WAS NECESSARY!!!'''
:'''Lelouch''': NECESSARY FOR WHAT?! What kind of parent does that?!
:'''C.C.''': If you have someone you don't want to lose, you should keep them at a distance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Charles''': That's right, I sent both you and your sister to Japan to escape my brother's sight. That's also why I had Marianne's body secretly taken away.
:'''Marianne''': As long as my body still exists, there's the possibility that I'll be able to return to it.
:'''Charles''': Anya and Nunnally became witnesses, therefore it was necessary to rewrite their memories in order to protect everything.
:'''Lelouch''': Nunnally?! You mean her blindness wasn't psychosomatic after all?! But&amp;mdash;
:'''Marianne''': Even though she was a false witness, there remained a very real danger she would be killed. 
:'''Charles''': To ensure Nunnally's safety, proof was needed that would lead V.V. away from the truth.
:'''Marianne''': The original plan called for only one immortal Code. However, for research to progress we had to have an additional Code. In other words, without C.C., we didn't have an 100% guarantee that it would succeed.
:'''Charles''': When Marianne was unable to persuade C.C. to help us, we were left with no choice. We were forced to use you, Lelouch.
:'''Lelouch''': What was the point of me doing this? 
:'''Charles''': These tragedies will no longer be necessary once the Ragnarok Connection is established.
:'''Marianne''': Masks will vanish, then everyone can be exactly who they're supposed to be.
:'''Lelouch''': I see, all the battle and bloodshed between Britannia and the Black Knights was to lure out C.C. Well then, it seems that from the very beginning I was merely a nuisance, just a ruckus in the world. ''[chuckles]'' And what do ''you'' two think of all this?
''[Suzaku and C.C. approach, having arrived in C's World]''
:'''C.C.''': Did you already know that I was going to come here, Lelouch?
:'''Lelouch''': And that you regained your memories too. It was necessary for this plan, wasn't it?
:'''Charles''': Precisely. Therefore I cannot see any sense in you coming here as well, Kururugi. 
:'''Suzaku''': I'm sure you can't. I'd heard that you're already immortal, that's why there something that I want to know for certain. Why did you make this thing? For what reason?
:'''Charles''': Why? Because it's what Nunnally and Euphie both desired: they wanted a gentler world.
:'''Lelouch''': Now I see. It's obvious.
:'''Charles''': The time is here. C.C., since we are all assembled, the plan can commence now. I will grant your wish after everything has been completed.
''[Charles and C.C.'s Geass powers reveal the Sword of Akasha]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[The'' Sword of Akasha ''is finally revealed]''
:'''Marianne''': Behold! It's begun! The Sword of Akasha is slaying God!
:'''Charles''': Now, once our marks of Geass become one, the old world will cease and the new world will spring forth. ''[approaches Lelouch, Suzaku, and C.C.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch, what was your motivation for wanting to control the world?
:'''Lelouch''': Don't waste my time, Suzaku. You know it was for Nunnally&amp;mdash;
:'''Suzaku''': You're ''still'' using her as your excuse?
:'''Lelouch''': ...Yes, you're right. I am. I've fought to protect everything I thought I wanted to protect.
:'''Suzaku''': If you're going to achieve that end, then you need to take action.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes. The means to that end requires me to reject something. 
:'''Suzaku''': Which is...?
:'''Lelouch''': That ''I''...''[faces the emperor]'' I reject you! And I reject everything you believe! Why do people lie? It isn't only because they struggle against each other! It's also because there is something that they're seeking. ''[C.C. looks down.]'' You now want a world without change. How stagnant! You can hardly call it life, the same as a world of memories. Just a world that's closed and completed...that's a place I wouldn't want to live in. 
:'''Marianne''': But Lelouch, are you saying you're rejecting me as well?
:'''Lelouch''': That depends. Is your desire the same as His Majesty's, Mother?
:'''Marianne''': It will be so good to rejoin all the people from whom we've been separated. You could be reunited with those who have died, even Euphemia.
''[Suzaku narrows his eyes, clearly pained.]''
:'''Lelouch''': As I expected. You both believe that this new world you envision would be best for all. But forcing good intentions on others is no different from an evil act.
:'''Charles''': In time, the people will come to accept it&amp;mdash;
:'''Lelouch''': ''[cutting him off]'' That time will never come! Only one thing is undeniably certain; I understand now that what you did to Nunnally and me may have been done out of good intentions. But the hard fact remains that you abandoned us in a foreign land!
:'''Marianne''': But we did that to protect you...! 
:'''Lelouch''': ''Then why didn't you stop the war between Japan and Britannia?!'' ''[Marianne stops, disarmed.]'' The plan was such a priority for you both, that it didn't matter to either of you if Nunnally and I were alive or dead! That's why you abandoned us. All you have left are self-serving excuses!
:'''Marianne''': Lelouch, you're wrong!
:'''Lelouch''': You just told me! You said that the dead would rejoin the living! You don't give a damn about the future!
:'''Charles''': The future is the Ragnarök Connection! Once it's finally done, the gentler existence that Nunnally spoke of will&amp;mdash;
:'''Lelouch''': ''Stop it!'' The world you're speaking of will be kinder and gentler only to you! The world that my sister wished for...is one in which kindness was extended to everyone, even strangers!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[thinking]'' He may be right. At the very least, Euphie never said that Lelouch was Zero, even to the very end. Shirley didn't either. That's why I...!
:'''Charles''': Let's say it was true: what of it? There's nothing to be done about it, the Ragnarök Connection has begun!
:'''Lelouch''': You think so? I am Zero! ''[activating his Geass]'' The man who works miracles!
:'''Charles''': Your Geass power will have no effect on me, nor will on anyone else here!
:'''Lelouch''': No! There's someone else here, isn't there?
''[Charles gasps, realizing what he means]''
:'''Lelouch''': That's right! C's World is the will of mankind itself! And &quot;All men are not equal&quot;; remember those words? They're your own! And because of that, I'm sure you realize that my power ''will'' work!
:'''Charles''': You're a fool, Lelouch! God cannot be defeated by the Power of the King!
:'''Lelouch''': I don't intend to defeat God! This is a request! Yes...now I know who I really am! ''God, collective unconscious!'' '''PLEASE, DON'T STOP THE MARCH OF TIME!!!'''
:'''Marianne''': ''[running toward Lelouch]'' Lelouch, you ungrateful child!
''[Suzaku bars her path, his sword brandished.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Nobody'' would've wanted this! No one, and ''especially not'' Euphie!
:'''Marianne''': And I saved you so that you could talk to Euphie again&amp;mdash;!
:'''Suzaku''': Meaning you were going to force me to, right?!
:'''Charles''': ''[to Lelouch]'' You can't do this, boy! Not against God nor all of humanity itself!
:'''Lelouch''': Regardless, what I want...is '''TOMORROW!!!'''
''[Lelouch's Geass evolves, as he uses it to bring down the Thought Elevator]''
:'''Marianne''': It can't be!
:'''Charles''': The Thought Elevator is falling! The dream that I, Marianne, and my brother all shared&amp;mdash;
:'''C.C.''': ''[sitting down]'' Charles, just stop already. It was presumptuous to us to even attempt this.
:'''Charles''': C.C., we still bear the marks of Geass; no matter what occurs, we&amp;mdash;
''[Charles' body is now being consumed by C's World]''
:'''Lelouch''': This isn't a falsehood, father. It's reality's response.
:'''Marianne''': Darling, you... ''[stops short as her body begins to vanish as well]''
:'''Charles''': No, it's not impossible! I'm supposed to be immortal! We're being absorbed?! ''Consumed by C's World?!''
:'''Marianne''': But what about C.C.? Why isn't she disappearing as well?! You supported this plan as much as we did!
:'''C.C.''': Sorry. But I finally realized: the love you have...is only for yourselves.
:'''Marianne''': No, that's not true at all. We love our children very much!
:'''Lelouch''': Do you have any idea of the meaning behind Nunnally's beautiful smile?
:'''Marianne''': The meaning...?
:'''Lelouch''': Why don't you understand? Nunnally was blinded! My own sister was crippled! She knew...she knew that there were things in this world that she would never be able to do by herself! So her smile...Nunnally's smile...was her way of expressing gratitude!
:'''Charles''': You're laboring under a delusion&amp;mdash;!
:'''Lelouch: I will not let you call that a lie!''' Over my dead body! Your refusal to face reality! Content to watch us from afar! Don't make me laugh! There's only one truth here: You, my own parents&amp;mdash;'''YOU ABANDONED US!!!'''
:'''Charles''': '''YOU CLEVER LITTLE FOOL!!!''' ''[rushes forward, grabs Lelouch's neck]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[before Suzaku can interfere]'' Suzaku. Stay out of this.
:'''Charles''': Can't you understand that if you refuse me and what I offer, you will inherit ''his'' world, ''Schneizel's'' world! Do not judge me! Good and evil intentions are both sides of the same card! Even then, you still...!
:'''Lelouch''': No matter what, I will always reject the world you envision. '''BEGONE NOW!!!'''
''[Charles and Marianne disintegrate, screaming]''

''[TOKYO, ONE MONTH LATER...]''
:'''Milly''': ''[broadcasting]'' It has been one month since the destruction caused by the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' warhead. Today His Majesty, Emperor Charles will make an important announcement to the entire nation. We will bringing you live international coverage of this from Pendragon Imperial Palace. Even though His Majesty had not made any public appearances in the past month.
''[In the throne room of the emperor]''
:'''Carine le Britannia''': Didn't somebody say that the emperor was missing?
:'''Guinevere su Britannia''': Bismarck was the one who reported that and he is gone.
:'''Odysseus eu Britannia''': As for Schneizel and the others, where are they?
:'''Guinevere''': Don't know, there's been no word from Cambodia yet.
:'''Royal Guard''': Presenting His Imperial Majesty!
''[Everyone prepares the return of Emperor Charles, but suddenly Lelouch appears]''
:'''Odysseus''': Huh?
:'''Guinevere''': But that's not...
:'''Carine''': Where's His Majesty?
''[Lelouch sits on the throne]''
:'''Milly''': What the hell?!
:'''Rivalz''': WHAT?! It can't be!
:'''Kallen''': But how...? There's no way!
:'''Lelouch''': Greetings, I'm Lelouch vi Britannia of the Royal Family, 99th Emperor of the Realm.
:'''Bismarck Waldstein''': Good Lord!
:'''Gino''': How could this be?
:'''Carine''': It's really you?!
:'''Guinevere''': You're alive?!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, sister, I am. I've returned from the depths of hell ''intact''. 
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, how good to see you! When Nunnally was located, I figured that you would be found alive too. But now, aren't you carrying this joke a bit too far? That's the throne of our father...
:'''Lelouch''': Charles zi Britannia, the 98th Emperor, no longer lives, and I'm the one who took his life. ''[Everyone gasps]'' Therefore, that makes me the next emperor!
:'''Carine''': What are you saying?! Are you nuts?!
:'''Guinevere''': Guards! Take that fool and execute him! He's guilty of murdering our emperor!!!
''[The guards were about to kill Lelouch but Suzaku defeated all at once]''
:'''Kallen''': Suzaku! But why?!
:'''Lelouch''': May I introduce, Suzaku Kururugi, my knight! A knight of the realm above all others! I granted him a title the &quot;Knight of Zero&quot;!
:'''Kaguya''': Suzaku?! They're working together?!
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, Sir Kururugi. This just won't do, pulling a bad stunt like this on an international broadcast...
:'''Lelouch''': Do you think so? Then let me make this easy for you all to understand... ''[activates his Geass on everyone]'' '''Acknowledge me as your emperor!'''
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, I insist that you stop joking around like that... ''[Everyone is now under the control of his Geass]'' We hear and obey, Your Majesty!
:'''Carine and Guinevere''': All Hail Emperor Lelouch!!!
:'''Everyone''': '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' ''' ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!'''

=== ''Emperor Lelouch'' ===
:'''Reporter''': Ninety-ninth emperor Lelouch, who ascended to the throne only a few days ago, has ordered the destruction of the Imperial Mausoleum, which held the remains of past Britannian emperors. Following his abolition of the aristocracy and breaking up plutocratic cliches, and the liberation of the Numbers, Odysseus and other royals express support the new emperor despite these actions.

=== ''Schneizel's Guise'' ===

:''[Cornelia is discussing with Schneizel about the destruction of the Britannian capital city Pendragon.]''
:'''Schneizel''': Yes? What about it?
:'''Cornelia''': You mean the people of Pendragon were...
:'''Schneizel''': I made them vanish. It was better for them than a life-swearing loyalty to Lelouch, wouldn't you say?
:'''Cornelia''': They're our own people! And you told Nunnally...
:'''Schneizel''': Lies are expedient. There's no need to tell Nunnally things that would get in the way of her opposition to Lelouch is there? She'll never know the difference.
:'''Cornelia''': You use everyone...even your own sister?
:'''Schneizel''': Cornelia, what is it that people truly want? Starvation and poverty? Discrimination and corruption? War and terrorism? They want the problems that are flooding the world to go away forever. People can't understand each other under these situations at all.
:'''Cornelia''': Your theories don't justify butchering civilians!
:'''Schneizel''': Even civilians who have rejected war depend on the police, don't they? Everyone knows, don't they, that people are driven by their own desires. The lust that dwells within the soul of man cannot be denied. ''[Schneizel pushes three buttons on a panel to have a world map appear on the monitor.]'' So why win hearts and minds or tout some shining ideology, why not bring peace to the world with system and power? In ten days, ''Damocles'' will enter the airspace of the United States of China and then switch over to a secondary acceleration. After that, we're scheduled to ascend three-hundred kilometers above the surface. From there, we will hit every enemy nation with ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''s.
:'''Cornelia''': Are you insane?! We only agreed to use them against Lelouch! This will destroy the world! You're trying to control people through fear!
:'''Schneizel''': Mankind's history is war. Peace is an illusion. To turn illusion into reality is a arduous task. It requires discipline.
:'''Cornelia''': And you plan to discipline the entire human race all by yourself?! Only a god could pull that off!
:'''Schneizel''': Then I shall become a god. If that is what it takes to bring peace to the world.
:'''Cornelia''': You're deranged...''[Diethard and Kanon enter.]''
:'''Diethard''': Magnificent! I knew I was right to change sides and support you! Surpassing Zero's chaos with a state of perfect nothingness and a kaleidoscopic transformation!
:'''Kanon''': Prince Scneizel, we've made contact with the Black Knights. They say if you plan to kill Lelouch, they're willing to join immediately.
:'''Schneizel''': Thank you, Kanon. ''[At Cornelia]'' Those who've experienced Lelouch's tyranny firsthand will have no alternative but to choose the lesser of evils.
:'''Cornelia''': Is that why you stayed back and let Lelouch get away with this until now?!
:'''Schneizel''': It was a way to minimize the damage. But in the end, if we have to sacrifice one or two billion lives to achieve a state of permanent peace...
:'''Cornelia''': You're wrong! Peace obtained by force is not peace! ''[Draws her sword and charges at Schneizel. Schneizel snaps his fingers which activate a hidden machine gun which guns down Cornelia.]''
:'''Schneizel''': This is so sad, Cornelia.

=== ''The Grip of'' Damocles ===

:'''Lelouch''': Schneizel, You knew but you kept the truth from me all this time, just so you can play this card at the right moment! Still the way that you shuffled the deck was more than artful...it was remarkable, and effective.

=== ''Re; '' ===

:''[Nunnally is refusing to give Lelouch the key to launch the'' F.L.E.I.J.A.''s.]''
:'''Nunnally''': Lelouch, you have no right to seize control of the world. You of all people, who took the name Zero then bent the will of so many in order to serve your own.
:'''Lelouch''': Are you saying we would have been better off to remain in hiding? Did you want a future of living in constant fear of assassination? This was for your future too, Nunnally.
:'''Nunnally''': My future?! When did I ever say I wanted this? Lelouch, I would have been completely satisfied by just living with you!
:'''Lelouch''': Don't you see? Our reality is restricted by all sorts of things! Our whole history is struggle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': You are the only one I didn't want to use it on''. [To Nunnally]'' Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: '''Hand over the ''Damocles'' Key to me NOW!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jeremiah''': Why, you impudent!...
:'''Anya''': Memorize recording complete.
:'''Jeremiah''': Not quite!
:''[Jeremiah has sacrificed his'' Sutherland Sieg ''to defeat Anya's'' Mordred'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Fire!
:''[Jeremiah then self-destructs his'' Sutherland ''to damage the'' Mordred'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Memorize THIS! Memorize Jeremiah Gottwald! Commit it to memory, because that is the memorable name of the man who has defeated you!
:'''Anya''': Memory? What memory? I remember nothing. I have no memory.
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[thinking]'' No memories? Could it be?... ''(revealing his Geass Canceler)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Attention, entire world! Hear my proclamation! I am Lelouch vi Britannia, Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire and ''your only ruler''! Schneizel has surrendered to me. As a result of this, I am in control of both the ''Damocles'' '''and''' the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' weapons, and not even the Black Knights have the strength to oppose me now. If anyone dares to resist my supreme authority, they shall know the devastating powers of the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''s! Those who could challenge my military eule no longer exist. Yes,﻿ from this day, from this moment forward, ''the world belongs to me''! Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: Obey me, subjects! '''''Obey me, world!'''''
:'''Jeremiah''': All hail Lelouch!
:'''All''': All hail Lelouch! All hail Lelouch! All hail Lelouch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The only ones who should kill are those prepared to be killed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as he is being killed by Suzaku]''
:'''Lelouch''': The punishment for what you have done shall be this then...you will live on, always wearing that mask, serving as a knight for justice and truth.  You will no longer live your life as Suzaku Kururugi, ''(wipes his blood on Zero's mask)'' you shall sacrifice the ordinary pleasures of your life in benefit of the world for eternity. 
:'''Suzaku''': This Geass I do solemnly accept.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku, you shall kill me as promised. Right now all the hatred on the world is concentrated upon me as planned. Then all you have to do is erase my existence...put an end to this chain of hatred. The Black knights will have the legend of Zero left behind for them. Schneizel will work for Zero. Now the world can be united at one table, not through violence and military force, but through negotiation and talk.....it can embrace the future.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku you are going to be a hero. The messiah who saved everyone from the enemy of the world, Lelouch vi Brittania.....as Zero !! [Suzaku stabs Lelouch]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nunnally''': [''To Lelouch''] Lelouch? Are you...?
:'''Lelouch''': [''Silent and looks out forward with a sad smile on his face'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Gasps and puts her hand on Lelouch's'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Visualizes Lelouch and Suzaku putting the plan in action'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Realizes''] You mean... everything you've done until now? [''Places Lelouch's hand to her cheek as tears fell from her eyes''] Oh, big brother! I love you!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes... I... I destroy... the world... and create it... anew. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kallen''': Hey, Lelouch. The world has become a much better place since that eventful day. All the energy that was put to war is now being redirected towards poverty and hunger. All the world's evil and hatred has been thrown upon you... Maybe it was easier for the people to recognize the name of one man, instead of a system known as the ''Damocles''. Sounds too good to be true, eh? That's also the reason why people are not imprisoned by the past and can move towards the future... Even now you may be laughing and telling me, &quot;it was all according to your plan&quot;. Of course we still have problems... But even so...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last words of the series]''
:'''C.C.''': I said that the Geass is the power of the king which would condemn you to a life of solitude. I think that's not quite correct. Right, Lelouch?

== Cast ==
* [[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]] - [[w:Jun Fukuyama|Jun Fukuyama]] (Japanese), [[w:Johnny Yong Bosch|Johnny Yong Bosch]] (English)
* [[w:Suzaku Kururugi|Suzaku Kururugi]] - [[w:Takahiro Sakurai|Takahiro Sakurai]] (Japanese), [[w:Yuri Lowenthal|Yuri Lowenthal]] (English)
* [[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]] - [[w:Yukana|Yukana]] (Japanese), [[w:Kate Higgins|Kate Higgins]] (English)
* [[w:Nunnally Lamperouge|Nunnally Lamperouge]] - [[w:Kaori Nazuka|Kaori Nazuka]] (Japanese), [[w:Rebecca Forstadt|Rebecca Forstadt]] (English)
* [[w:Kallen Stadtfeld|Kallen Stadtfeld / Kallen Kōzuki]] - [[w:Ami Koshimizu|Ami Koshimizu]] (Japanese), [[w:Karen Strassman|Karen Strassman]] (English)
* [[w:Rolo Lamperouge|Rolo Lamperouge]] - [[w:Takahiro Mizushima|Takahiro Mizushima]] (Japanese), [[w:Spike Spencer|Spike Spencer]] (English)
* [[w:Schneizel el Britannia|Schneizel el Britannia]] - [[w:Norihiro Inoue|Norihiro Inoue]] (Japanese), [[w:Troy Baker|Troy Baker]] (English)
* [[w:Li Xingke|Li Xingke]] - [[w:Hikaru Midorikawa|Hikaru Midorikawa]] (Japanese), [[w:David Earnest|David Earnest]] (English)
* [[w:Jeremiah Gottwald|Jeremiah Gottwald]] - [[w:Ken Narita|Ken Narita]] (Japanese), [[w:Crispin Freeman|Crispin Freeman]] (English)

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://code-geass.bandai-ent.com/ Bandai Entertainment's official ''Code Geass'' website]
* [http://code-geassr2.bandai-ent.com/ Bandai Entertainment's Official ''Code Geass R2'' website]
* [http://www.adultswim.com/shows/codegeass/ Adult Swim's official ''Code Geass'' anime website]
* [http://www.adultswim.com/video/index.html Adult Swim Video]


[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Anime]]
[[Category:Anime and manga series]]
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'''''[[w:Code Geass|Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion]]''''' (2006-2007) and its sequel, '''''[[w:Code Geass|Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2]]''''' (2008), are anime television series. Both series were directed by [[w:Gorō Taniguchi|Gorō Taniguchi]] and written by Ichirō Ōkuchi. Both series have finished their broadcast run in Japan and have completely aired in the United States; in the United States, the second season immediately followed the first.

{{tv-cleanup}}

__NOTOC__
{| align=&quot;center&quot; class=&quot;wikitable&quot; cellspacing=&quot;0&quot;
! width=&quot;50%&quot; | [[#Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion| Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion]]
! width=&quot;50%&quot; | [[#Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2| Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.01--&gt; | [[#The Day a New Demon was Born | The Day a New Demon was Born]]
| &lt;!--2.01--&gt; | [[#The Day a Demon Awakens | The Day a Demon Awakens]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.02--&gt; | [[#The Awakened White Knight | The Awakened White Knight]]
| &lt;!--2.02--&gt; | [[#Plan For Independent Japan | Plan For Independent Japan]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.03--&gt; | [[#The False Classmate | The False Classmate]]
| &lt;!--2.03--&gt; | [[#Imprisoned in Campus | Imprisoned in Campus]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.04--&gt; | [[#His Name is Zero | His Name is Zero]]
| &lt;!--2.04--&gt; | [[#Counterattack at the Gallows | Counterattack at the Gallows]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.05--&gt; | [[#The Princess and the Witch | The Princess and the Witch]]
| &lt;!--2.05--&gt; | [[#Knights of the Round | Knights of the Round]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.06--&gt; | [[#The Stolen Mask | The Stolen Mask]]
| &lt;!--2.06--&gt; | [[#Surprise Attack Over the Pacific | Surprise Attack Over the Pacific]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.07--&gt; | [[#Attack Cornelia | Attack Cornelia]]
| &lt;!--2.07--&gt; | [[#The Abandoned Mask | The Abandoned Mask]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.08--&gt; | [[#The Black Knights | The Black Knights]]
| &lt;!--2.08--&gt; | [[#One Million Miracles | One Million Miracles]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.09--&gt; | [[#Refrain | Refrain]]
| &lt;!--2.09--&gt; | [[#A Bride in the Vermillion Forbidden City | A Bride in the Vermillion Forbidden City]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.10--&gt; | [[#Guren Dances | ''Guren'' Dances]]
| &lt;!--2.10--&gt; | [[#When the Shen Hu Wins Glory| When the ''Shen Hu'' Wins Glory]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.11--&gt; | [[#Battle for Narita | Battle for Narita]]
| &lt;!--2.11--&gt; | [[#Power of Passion | Power of Passion]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.12--&gt; | [[#The Messenger from Kyoto | The Messenger from Kyoto]]
| &lt;!--2.12--&gt; | [[#Love Attack! | Love Attack!]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.13--&gt; | [[#Shirley at Gunpoint | Shirley at Gunpoint]]
| &lt;!--2.13--&gt; | [[#The Assassin from the Past | The Assassin from the Past]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.14--&gt; | [[#Geass vs. Geass | Geass vs. Geass]]
| &lt;!--2.14--&gt; | [[#Geass Hunt | Geass Hunt]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.15--&gt; | [[#Cheering Mao | Cheering Mao]]
| &lt;!--2.15--&gt; | [[#C's World | C's World]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.16--&gt; | [[#Nunnally Held Hostage | Nunnally Held Hostage]]
| &lt;!--2.16--&gt; | [[#United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One | United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.17--&gt; | [[#Knight | Knight]]
| &lt;!--2.17--&gt; | [[#The Taste of Humiliation | The Taste of Humiliation]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.18--&gt; | [[#I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi | I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi]]
| &lt;!--2.18--&gt; | [[#The Second Final Battle of Tokyo | The Second Final Battle of Tokyo]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.19--&gt; | [[#Island of the Gods | Island of the Gods]]
| &lt;!--2.19--&gt; | [[#Betrayal | Betrayal]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.20--&gt; | [[#War at Kyushu | War at Kyushu]]
| &lt;!--2.20--&gt; | [[#Emperor Dismissed | Emperor Dismissed]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.21--&gt; | [[#Declaration at the School Festival | Declaration at the School Festival]]
| &lt;!--2.21--&gt; | [[#The Ragnarök Connection | The Ragnarök Connection]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.22--&gt; | [[#Bloodstained Euphie | Bloodstained Euphie]]
| &lt;!--2.22--&gt; | [[#Emperor Lelouch | Emperor Lelouch]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.23--&gt; | [[#At Least with Sorrow | At Least with Sorrow]]
| &lt;!--2.23--&gt; | [[#Schneizel's Guise | Schneizel's Guise]]
|-
| &lt;!--1.24--&gt; | [[#The Collapsing Stage | The Collapsing Stage]]
| &lt;!--2.24--&gt; | [[#The Grip of Damocles | The Grip of ''Damocles'']]
|-
| &lt;!--1.25--&gt; | [[#Zero | Zero]]
| &lt;!--2.25--&gt; | [[#Re; | Re;]]
|-
|}

== Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion ==
=== ''The Day a New Demon was Born'' ===
:'''[[w:Kallen Kōzuki|Kallen Stadtfeld]]''': ''[in her Knightmare Frame]'' You fellas know full well what this badass mother can do!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Lloyd Asplund|Lloyd Asplund]]''': A-ha!
:'''Bartley Asprius''': What are you doing?
:'''Lloyd''': Looking at a man who blundered, am I right?
:'''Bartley''': ''[riled]'' Why, you—
:'''Lloyd''': You really screwed this one up. Terrorists came along and stole whatever it was that you and Prince Clovis were secretly working on. Retrieving it is simple, but you want to sweep up all their compatriots in addition. Let the terrorists go, and you can find their hideout, too. ''[turns to his assistant, Cécile Croomy]'' Congratulations! Your reasoning was spot-on!
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Cécile Croomy|Cécile Croomy]]''': It was nothing. I just thought it was strange.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[C.C. enters Lelouch's mind and proposes the contract of Geass.]''
:'''[[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]]''': You don't want it to end here, do you?
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': What?
:'''C.C.''': You appear to have a reason for living.
:'''Lelouch''': The girl? That's impossible.
:'''C.C.''': If I grant you power, could you go on? I propose a deal—in exchange for this power, you must agree to make my one wish come true. Accept this contract, and you accept its conditions. While living in the world of humans, you will live unlike any other: a different providence, a different time, a different life. The Power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Are you prepared for this?
:'''Lelouch''': Yes! I hereby accept the terms of your contract!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has just been granted Geass by C.C. and is planning to use it on the Britannian royal guards who have him cornered]''
:'''Lelouch''': Say, how should a Britannian who detests his own country live his life?
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': Are you some kind of radical? Huh?
:'''Lelouch''': What's wrong? Why not shoot? Your opponent is just a schoolboy. Or have you finally realized…the only ones who should kill ''are those who are prepared to be killed!''
:''[Lelouch uncovers his left eye and activates Geass]''
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': What's happening here?!
:'''Lelouch''': I, Lelouch vi Britannia, commands you! Now, all of you:''Die!''
:'''Britannian Royal Guard commander''': ''[laughs madly as he and his men are overcome by Geass]'' Happily, Your Highness!
:''[The royal guards all put their pistols to their necks]''
:'''Britannian royal Guard commander''': Fire!
:''[All royal guards present pull their triggers; Lelouch gasps in shock that he has indeed made them commit suicide]''
:'''Lelouch (voice-over)''': That was the turning point. Since that day, I've lived a lie: The lie of living. My name, too, was a lie. My personal history, a lie. Nothing but lies. I was sick to death of a world that couldn't be changed. But even in my lies, I refused to give up in despair. But now, this incredible power…it's mine.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[grins evilly]'' Well, then…

=== ''The White Knight Awakens'' ===

:''[Lelouch is musing on why C.C. granted him Geass when a'' Sutherland ''Knightmare Frame piloted by Viletta Nu barges in]''
:'''[[w:Villetta Nu|Villetta Nu]]''': ''[checks her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s visual sensors, gasps]'' How could all these royal guards be dead? ''[activates her Sutherland's loudspeakers and addresses Lelouch]'' What happened here, boy?! And why is a Britannian student in a place like this?! Are you deaf?! Answer me, or I'll-- ''[fires her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s machine gun around Lelouch]'' Answer me!
:'''Lelouch''': I order you to come out, at once! ''[activates Geass]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[is unaffected by Lelouch's Geass]'' Who the hell do you think you are to order me?!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[deactivates Geass and thinks]'' I see. It only works with direct eye contact. ''[aloud, as he turns to face the'' Sutherland ''with his hands up]'' My name is Alan Spacer. My father's a duke.
:'''Viletta''': Nobility?
:'''Lelouch''': My ID card's in my breast pocket. After you confirm who I am, I'll request your protection.
:'''Viletta''': ''[deactivates her Knightmare and disembarks, pistol in hand and pointed towards Lelouch]'' Keep your hands up in the air! I'll take out your ID.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[activates Geass]'' Now then, hand your Knightmare over to me.
:''[Viletta is overcome by Geass and points her pistol away from Lelouch]'' 
:'''Viletta''': Understood. The code number is XG21G2D4.
:''[Viletta throws her'' Sutherland''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s key at Lelouch, who catches it]''
:'''Lelouch''': Got it. ''[deactivates Geass and claims Viletta's Sutherland for his own]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': So, are we having a bad day?! Looks like you missed a chance to go to heaven, Private Kururugi.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': Good afternoon!
:'''Military Commanders''': What is it?! We're in the middle of an operation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has just forced Clovis to order the Britannian forces to cease fighting in the Shinjuku ghetto]''
:'''Clovis la Britannia''': Are you satisfied?
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': Very. Well done.
:'''Clovis''': And what shall we do now? Sing a few lively ballads, or perhaps a nice game of chess?
:'''Lelouch''': That has a familiar ring.
:'''Clovis''': Hmm?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[removes his helmet and casts it aside]'' Don't you recall? The two of us used to play chess together as boys. Of course, I would always win.
:'''Clovis''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': Remember? At the Aries Villa?
:'''Clovis''': You! Who are you?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[walks out of the shadows, revealing his face to Clovis]'' It's been a long time, big brother. ''[Clovis gasps]'' The eldest son of the late consort Marianne and 17th in line to the imperial throne, Lelouch vi Britannia, at your service.
:'''Clovis''': Lelouch! B-But I thought--
:'''Lelouch''': That I was dead? You were wrong. ''[sustained pause]'' I have returned, Your Highness, and I've come back to change everything.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The trick of real combat is that everyone is human.

=== ''The False Classmate'' ===
:'''[[w:Jeremiah Gottwald|Jeremiah Gottwald]]''': (on PA system) Why the hell we're letting the Elevens go? What about the poison gas they've stolen?
:'''Royal Guard''': But it's by order of Prince Clovis.
:'''Jeremiah''': What about Bartley? Get the general's staff on the line.
:'''Royal Guard''': They're not at their post, sir.
:'''Jeremiah''': Are you telling me Prince Clovis is alone on the con?
''(Lelouch confronts Clovis at gunpoint)''
:'''Clovis''': I'm overjoyed, Lelouch! They say you died once Japan was brought into the fold. What a blessing to have you back, we should depart for the homeland immediately.
:'''Lelouch''': So you can use me as a tool of diplomacy? It seems you forgotten why we were used as tools in the first place.
''(Clovis gasps)''
:'''Lelouch''': That's right. It was because my mother was killed.
''(In the flashback where Empress Marianne was assassinated)''
:'''Lelouch''': Mother held the title of Knight of Honor, but was a commoner by birth. No doubt the other imperial consorts held her in contempt. Even though you made it look like the work of terrorists, I'm no fool! You people killed my mother!
:'''Clovis''': It wasn't me! I swear to you, it wasn't!
:'''Lelouch''': Then tell me everything you know. The truth cannot be hidden from me any longer. By whose hands was she slain?
''(Lelouch use his Geass to make Clovis tell the truth)''
:'''Clovis''': My brother, Second Prince Schneizel, and Second Princess Cornelia. They can tell you.
:'''Lelouch''': They were at the heart of this? That's all that you know, isn't it?
''(Lelouch releases Clovis from his Geass)''
:'''Clovis''': (scarily) I swear, it wasn't me! I have... nothing to do with it!
:'''Lelouch''': (puts down his gun) I believe you. However...
''(Lelouch puts his gun close to Clovis' face)''
:'''Clovis''': Please, you can't! We may have different mothers, but you and I are still blood!
:'''Lelouch''': You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty.
''(Lelouch pulls the trigger and kills Clovis)''

=== ''His Name is Zero'' ===

:'''Jeremiah''': ''[as a fake version of Prince Clovis' car approaches the military convoy escorting Suzaku]'' You dare desecrate His Highness's transport? Come out of there!
''[Upper part of transport burns away, revealing Zero. Jeremiah and crowd gasps.]''
:'''[[w:Zero (Code Geass)|Zero]]''': I am…'''Zero.'''
:'''Villetta''': Zero?
:'''Reporter''': Who—who is this person, this man calling himself Zero, standing before a full military convoy?
:'''Rivalz''': ''[worried]'' What is all this?
:'''Shinichirō Tamaki''': What the ''hell'' does he think he's doing?!
:'''Reporter''': Who is this man calling himself &quot;Zero&quot;? Ladies and gentlemen, the scene down here...
:'''[[w:List of Code Geass characters#Diethard Ried|Diethard Ried]]''': Zero? What, you mean like, &quot;nothing&quot;?
:'''Reporter''': Are we gazing on a terrorist? Certainly not the wisest, if such is the case.
:'''[[w:Suzaku Kururugi|Suzaku Kururugi]]''': ''[thinking]'' Is he…an Eleven?
:'''Zero''': ''[thinking]'' Now to return the favor, Suzaku.
:'''Jeremiah''': I've seen enough, Zero. This little show of yours is over.
''[Jeremiah shoots gun, signaling more Sutherlands enter from above. Kallen gasps.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': First things first: why don't you lose that mask?
''[Zero's right hand hovers over face then feints, raising arm up and snaps his fingers. On cue, the transport's rear breaks away, revealing the capsule from the first episode.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[shocked]'' What in the—?!
:'''Villetta''': Jeremiah, be careful, he's got the—!
:'''Zero''': ''[thinking]'' Yes, Jeremiah. ''[recalls when capsule first opened, revealing C.C.]'' You never saw inside this thing, so you assume it holds poison gas.
:'''Suzaku''': Wait, you don't understand— ''[electric collar activated]'' Kuh!
:'''Reporter''': Can all of you watching at home see this? It's some sort of device, although its purpose is unclear. Stay with us, and we'll see if this so-caled terrorist has anything to say.
:'''Jeremiah''': You bastard… He's taken every Britannian here hostage…and he's done it without them even knowing! ''[points gun at Zero]''
:'''Zero''': You intend to shoot? I think you know full well what…
:'''Diethard''': Unit 6, bring up the sound and get that camera right in his face.
:'''Cameraman''': Sir, it's too hairy out here. 
:'''Diethard''': ''[growling]'' Amateurs. ''[grabs another news camera and heads out to the scene]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Fine. What are you demands?
:'''Zero''': An exchange: this for Kururugi.
:'''Jeremiah''': Like hell. He's charged with high treason for murdering a prince. I can't hand him over. 
:'''Zero''': No. You're mistaken, Jeremiah. ''He's'' no murderer. 
''[Diethard runs out onto the street, zooming in on Zero with his camera]''
:'''Zero''': The man who killed Clovis… ''[looks directly at Diethard's camera]'' …'''''was myself!'''''
''[The crowd gasps]''
:'''Cécile''': Unbelievable. 
:'''Lloyd Asplund''': ''[interested]'' The real culprit, eh?
:'''Reporter''': What—What does this mean? This masked man called Zero—no, we can't be sure ''who'' he is—but in any case, he claims to be the real assassin! So where does this leave the current suspect, Private Kururugi?
:'''Kaname Ohgi''': Ugh, ''crap,'' there's no way out of this…!
:'''Kallen''': ''[trembling in fear, whispering]'' We are so ''screwed…''
:'''Zero''': For a single Eleven, you'll save scores of precious Britannians. I find that to be a bargain.
:'''Diethard''': ''[thinking]'' This is all one big performance to him. 
:'''Jeremiah''': He's mad, I tell you! Disguising this truck as His Highness's—he'll pay the price for mocking the crown!
''[Sutherlands aim at Zero.]''
:'''Zero''': Careful! You don't wish the public to learn of &quot;Orange&quot;, do you?
:'''Jeremiah''': Huh?
:'''Britannian soldier 1''': ''[confused]'' &quot;Orange&quot;? What's he talking about?
:'''Britannian soldier 2''': ''[just as lost]'' I don't know.
''[Zero taps his right foot twice, signaling Kallen to slowly drive forward—toward Jeremiah]''
:'''Zero''': If I die, it will all go public. If you don't want that to happen…
:'''Jeremiah''': What are you talking about? What is this?!
''[A small part of Zero's mask slides open, revealing his left eye.]''
:'''Zero''': ''[activating his Geass]'' You'll do everything in your power to let us go. Your prisoner as well!
''[The Geass is successful.]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Right, understood. ''[to the guards]'' You there, release the prisoner!
''[Kallen gasps.]''
:'''Villetta''': ''[shocked]'' What on earth are you doing, my lord?!
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[ignoring her]'' Get that man over here!
:'''Villetta''': Huh…?
:'''Britannian soldier 1''': Should we?
:'''Britannian soldier 2''': But…
:'''Jeremiah''': Hand him over! Nobody gets in his way.
:'''Kewell Soresi''': No! What are you thinking? You can't do this!
:'''Jeremiah''': Lord Kewell! This is an order!
:'''Reporter''': It's hard to tell what's happening from here…but it seems that Kururugi's release has been brokered!
''[Zero and Suzaku both reach the street and approach each other.]''
:'''Suzaku''': So who the hell are you—? ''[electric collar shocks him again]'' Guh!
:'''Zero''': As I thought. They didn't allow you to speak. 
:'''Villetta''': ''[reentering her Knightmare]'' If they get away, we'll lose everything!
:'''Kallen''': ''[walking up to Zero]'' It's time to go, Zero.
:'''Zero''': Well then…'til next time. ''[Zero pulls out a remote and presses the top button. The capsule releases colored smoke, sending Britannians scrambling for cover.]''
:'''Villetta''': ''[aiming at Zero's group]'' You cowardly Eleven! ''[shoots, but is stopped by Jeremiah]'' Lord Jeremiah, what're you—?!
:'''Jeremiah''': You heard me! '''Stand down! ''NOW!'''''
''[Zero, Kallen, and Suzaku jump off the bridge, escaping from the scene.]''
:'''Kewell''': They're not alone at all! They jumped right off!
''[The three land right into a net sprung by Ogi's Knightmare, landing safely into a truck.]''
:'''Ohgi''': ''[unable to believe their luck]'' It worked! Now we can— ''[Kewell's Sutherland fires]'' —ugh!
''[Kewell damages Ogi's unit, forcing the latter to eject.]''
:'''Kewell''': You imbecile! There's nowhere for you to run—!
:'''Jeremiah''': '''''Lord Kewell!''''' ''[Soresi turns to see Jeremaih aiming his Sutherland rifle at him]'' Are you going to follow orders or not? And believe me, there ''will'' be repercussions! All units, do I make myself clear? '''''Do everything in your power to help them get away!'''''

=== ''The Princess and the Witch'' ===
''[Euphemia finds and befriends a cat with a wounded leg; she shows it to Suzaku, but it bites him.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Ah…
:'''[[w:Euphemia li Britannia|Euphemia li Britannia]]''': Oh, my!
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Jeremiah Gottwald's'' Sutherland ''has been cornerned by Kewell Soresi and three other Loyalist pilots in their own'' Sutherlands'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Damn! It's four against one! ''Coward!''
:'''Kewell''': Don't worry, Jeremiah. We'll say you died in battle. Your family's name won't be disgraced.
:'''Jeremiah''': You're serious, then?! You actually intend to kill me?! ''Kewell!''
:'''Kewell''': Silence, ''Orange!'' We serve the Imperial Family! Why else would we be here?!
:''[Kewell and the other Loyalists all charge towards Jeremiah with their lances]''
:'''Kewell and the Loyalist pilots''': ''[in unison]'' '''ALL…HAIL…BRITANNIA!!!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;25%&quot;/&gt;
(''Euphemia steps out to stop the fighting'')
:'''Euphemia''': Everyone lower your weapons at once! In my name, I command you!
:'''Kewell''': It can't be!
:'''Euphemia''': I am Euphemia li Britannia of the Empire and the Third Princess of the Royal Family.
:'''Suzaku''': (gasps) Euphie!
:'''Euphemia''': I'm assuming command here, now fall back!
:'''Jeremiah''': It is her, it's the princess.
:'''Cécile''': Didn't you know it was her, Lloyd?
:'''Lloyd''': Uh-huh, but she's been a student up until now, and doesn't need a public debut yet.
:'''Kewell''': We... We're truly.. We're truly sorry, Your Highness!
(''Kewell and the Purebloods bow to Princess Euphemia'') 
:'''Suzaku''': Milady! I have no idea who you were. Please forgive me, Princess!
:'''Euphemia''': Suzaku, you and I bear similar deep pain. You have lost your father as I have lost my brother.
(''Suzaku gasp'')
:'''Euphemia''': Will you let me help you in your quest ensure that no one ever again has to suffer the lost of a loved one on the battlefield?
(''Suzaku bows to the Third Princess'')
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, I'm... I'm not worthy of your kindness!

(''A conversation is being talk between Euphemia and her older sister Second Princess Cornelia'')
:'''Cornelia li Britannia''': I heard what you did Euphemia, you shouldn't be so reckless.
:'''Euphemia''': I know Sister, forgive me but-
:'''Cornelia''': You will address me as Viceroy here, Sub-Viceroy Euphemia. Because we're sisters, we need to follow a stricter protocol.
:'''Euphemia''': Yes, I understand.
:'''Cornelia''': Hmm. (''turns to the vice minister'') Now, then. Give me your report.
:'''Vice minister''': Yes, milady. The first order of business is a welcome party we arranged for Your Highness-
(''Cornelia points her gun at the vice minister'')
:'''Cornelia''': Sloppy. Senile. Corrupt. Where is Zero?! I want the enemy of the Empire caught! Get Zero!

=== ''The Stolen Mask'' ===

:'''C.C.''': That wasn't my fault, was it? I didn't touch or rub anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emperor Charles zi Britannia''': &quot;All men are not created equal. Some are born swifter afoot, some with greater beauty. Some are born into poverty; and others are born sick and feeble. Both in birth and in upbringing, in sheer scope of ability, every human is inherently different! Yes, that is why people discriminate against one another, which is why there is struggle, competition, and the unfaltering march of progress! Inequality is not wrong, equality is! What of the EU who made equality a right? Rabble politics by a popularity contest. The Chinese Federation with its equal distribution of wealth? A nation of lazy dullards. But not our beloved Britannia. We fight, we compete; evolution is continuous! Britannia alone moves forward; advancing steadily into the future. Even the death of my son Clovis demonstrates Britannia’s unswerving commitment to progress! We will fight on, we shall struggle, compete, plunder, and dominate and in the end the future shall be ours! All Hail Britannia!&quot;

=== ''Attack Cornelia'' ===

:'''Shirley Fenette''': I know Kallen said I had it all wrong, but it seemed like she was getting upset in order to fool me.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[holding a telephone]'' Which is why, in this case, it's best to simply ask him directly. On your behalf, I can ask him how he feels about you.
:'''Shirley''': What?! You'd really do that?!
:'''Suzaku''': Just relax. It'll be fine.
:'''Shirley''': ''[charges towards Suzaku, takes the phone from him, and slams it on the receiver]'' Are you nuts?! No way!
:''[meanwhile, Lelouch is in the cockpit of a stolen Sutherland, conducting terrorist operations in the Saitama ghetto]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[looks at his cell phone]'' Hmm? Oh, whatever.
:''[back at Ashford Academy, Suzaku and Shirley are fighting over the phone]''
:'''Suzaku''': Oh, come on, let me handle this for you! I'll be discreet!
:'''Shirley''': I don't want your help, okay?!
:'''Suzaku''': It's going to be fine!
:''[Suzaku and Shirley fumble and drop the phone, and Suzaku falls on top of Shirley; Arthur the cat is also knocked off his perch during the struggle]''
:'''Suzaku''': Sorry.
:''[Shirley gasps; Suzaku then grimaces as Arthur bites his hand]''
:'''Shirley''': Uh-oh. Does that hurt much?
:'''Suzaku''': Greatly.

:(''In the Britannian homeland, 8 years ago'')
:'''Royal Guard''': Announcing Prince Lelouch vi Britannia, seventeenth heir to the royal Britannian imperial throne!
:'''Male Noble''': I heard Empress Marianne was killed inside of the Britannia Palace.
:'''Male Noble''': There's no way terrorists could've gotten in there.
:'''Male Noble''': Which means that the real assassins must have-
:'''Male Noble''': Shh!, beware my friend, you'll regret it if anyone hears that kind of talk around the palace.
:'''Male Noble''': And yet the boy remains, even though his mother is dead, is over.
:'''Male Noble''': And the Ashford family who stood behind him is finished as well.
:'''Female Noble''': And his sister, the princess?
:(''Nunnally in the hospital'')
:'''Male Noble''': I understand she was shot in the legs and that she lost her sight!
:'''Male Noble''': Blindness caused by trauma though, isn't it?
:'''Male Noble''': No difference, now she can't be married off through political gain.

(''Lelouch approaching his father, the Britannian Emperor'')
:'''Lelouch''': Hail, Your Majesty! My mother the Empress is dead.
:'''Charles''': Old news. What of it?
:'''Lelouch''': What of it?!
:'''Charles''': You sought an audience with the Emperor of Britannia to simply inform me of that. Send the next one in. I have no time for these childish games.
(''Lelouch running to the emperor'')
:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''': Father!
(''Guards run to stop Lelouch, but Charles raise his hand to halt them'')
:'''Guards''': Yes, Your Majesty!
:'''Lelouch''': Why didn't you keep Mother out of harm's way? You're the emperor, the greatest man in this nation, if not the world, you should've protected her and now you don't even visit Nunnally!
:'''Charles''': I'm no use for that weakling.
:'''Lelouch''': That weakling?
:'''Charles''': That is what it means to be royalty.
:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''':'' (angrily)'' Then I don't want to be your heir, I give up my claim to the throne! (''Nobles gasp of what Lelouch is saying'') I'm sick of the fighting and scheming over who will succeed you, Father. I've had enough!
:'''Charles zi Britannia''': You are dead. You were always been dead to me, dead from the moment you were born. Who gave you the fine clothes you wear and comfortable home? The food you eat and your very life? All of those, I have given to you. In short, you are not nothing to me because you have never existed. Yet you dare to speak such foolishness to me?! (''Lelouch falls as his father rises from the throne'') Lelouch, you are dead, therefore you are not entitled to any rights. I am sending you and Nunnally to Japan, as prince and princess. You will serve well as bargaining tools.

:'''Lelouch vi Britannia''': Until I met you, I was dead an impotent corpse existing behind a false guise of life. A life in which I did nothing real. Day to day I simple went through the motions of living, as if I were a zombie and I always had the feeling that I was gradually dyeing. If I am condemned to go back to that then I would rather...

=== ''The Black Knights'' ===
''(During the hotel hijacking)''
''(Nina sees a Japanese soldier)''
:'''Nina Einstein''': An…Eleven?
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''[riled] What'' did you say?!
''[Nina gasps in fear.]''
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''[point his gun at them]'' We're not Elevens! We're ''Japanese'', damn it!
:'''Milly Ashford''': Yes, we're aware of that! Just lay off of her!
:'''Japanese soldier''': Then correct her! We're not called Elevens!
:'''Shirley''': Fine, we'll correct her!
:'''Japanese soldier''': How dare you speak like that to me! You three, come with me to the next room and I'll teach you a real lesson!
:'''Nina''': ''[sobbing]'' No…No!
''[Euphemia tries to get up, but is stopped by her subordinate.]''
:'''Japanese solider''': I said, ''get up '''now!''' [grabs Nina's arm]''
:'''Nina''': Ahhhhh! Let me go!
:'''Euphemia''': ''[stands up]'' Stop it!
:'''Japanese soldier''': Who the hell are you?! ''[throws Nina to the side]''
:'''Euphemia''': I demand you to take me to your leader right now! Understand?
:'''Japanese soldier''': ''What?!''
:'''Subordinate''': ''[in an urgent whisper]'' No, Sub-Viceroy, ''please!''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[takes off her glasses]'' You're addressing Euphemia li Britannia, the Third Princess of the Britannian Empire.
''[All Japanese and Britannians present gasp.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[to Nina]'' Are you all right, young lady? You haven't been hurt?
:'''Nina''': ''[almost speechless]'' No…
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(Lelouch reveals the [[w:List of Code Geass characters#The Black Knights|Black Knights]] to the world.)''
:'''Lelouch (as Zero)''': People! Fear us, or rally behind us as you see fit! We are the Black Knights!
:'''Cécile''': Black Knights?
:'''Lloyd''': Ironic, isn't it? The terrorists referring to themselves as knights?
:'''Zero''': We of the Black Knights stand with all those who have no weapons to wield…regardless of whether they be Elevens or Britannians! The Japan Liberation Front cowardly took innocent Britannian civilians hostage, and they mercilessly executed them! It was a wanton and meaningless act; therefore, they have been punished…
:'''Diethard''': You heard me right! I said let it run! ''Liable?! I'll'' be the one responsible for this!
:'''Zero''': …just as [[w:List of Code Geass characters#Clovis la Britannia|former Viceroy Clovis]] was punished for ordering the slaughter of countless unarmed Elevens. We cannot stand by and allow such cruelty to be carried out, and so we made him pay for his actions. I will not repudiate battle on a fair and level field, but neither will I tolerate a one-sided massacre of the weak by the strong. The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed! Wherever oppressors abuse their power by attacking those who are powerless, we shall appear again, no matter how mighty or formidable our foe may be!
:'''Kallen''': ''(Thinking.)'' Knights…for justice?
:'''Zero''': Those of you with power, fear us! Those of you without it, rally behind us! We, the Black Knights, shall be the ones who stand in judgment of this world!

=== ''Refrain'' ===
:'''Kallen''': Ever since we made our big splash at the hotel-jacking, the Black Knights have taken the world by storm. We've become a friend to the weak, just as Zero proclaimed we would. Terrorists who involve civilians, an overbearing military, criminal syndicates, corrupt politicians, and profiteers; if the law would not punish them, then we would. In the blink of an eye, we'd become heroes. Support for us has swelled, and we've even gotten our hands on some Knightmares again. Of course, no one could show that in public, because... Because our leader Zero had killed Prince Clovis. There are many in our ranks who wish to know his true identity, myself included. But if we push too hard, I suspect that he would vanish. And without him... I'm fairly certain we'd be finished.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen is standing outside the Student Council room]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[yawns]'' Man, this double life sure is a killer.
:'''Milly''': ''[muffled]'' Come on, Suzaku, hold him down!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[muffled]'' Damn it, Suzaku, cut it out! ''[Kallen opens the door to the Student Council room]'' Stop it! I'm not kidding!
:'''Suzaku''': Sorry, Lelouch, but it's the President's orders.
:''[Kallen finds Nina wearing a hat and sitting at a computer and Suzaku, Shirley, Milly, and Rivalz all dressed in cat costumes and struggling to apply makeup to a visibly defiant Lelouch, who is tied to a chair and struggling to get out]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yeah, like you're not enjoying this at all?!
:'''Shirley''': Would you hold still?!
:'''Milly''': ''[notices Kallen's presence and turns to her]'' Good &quot;meow&quot;-ning.
:'''Kallen''': Good…morning, I guess. ''[Lelouch, Suzaku, Shirley, and Rivalz all look at her]'' What is all this?
:'''Rivalz Cardemonde''': What do you mean? Didn't we tell you? It's our welcome party for Arthur.
:'''Kallen''': Sounds like fun.
:'''Milly''': ''[chuckles]'' Well, classes are postponed. We might as well have some fun, right?
:'''Shirley''': We set some stuff aside for you over here. ''[points towards a rack of cat costumes and several boxes of accessories]'' To make up for all my getting upset at you before. Take your pick.
:'''Kallen''': What? For me?
:'''Lelouch''': She doesn't need a costume.
:'''Kallen''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[to Kallen]'' You're already wearing a mask, right?
:'''Kallen''': ''[sarcastically, to Lelouch]'' You really are a riot, you know that? You ought to be on television.
:'''Rivalz''': ''[to Shirley]'' What do you think, Ms. TV Star?
:'''Suzaku''': Oh, I thought she meant Lelouch.
:'''Shirley''': ''[sighs]'' Would you quit joking about that?! The whole thing's a huge pain in the butt! We've been hounded with questions day and night! Even in the bath!
:'''Milly''': We haven't been able to leave school grounds in a week!
:'''Rivalz''': Not that I don't feel for you, but I don't see why we can't leave either!
:'''Milly''': Hmm, that's the price of friendship. ''[[w:Romance of the Three Kingdoms|The Romance of the Three Kingdoms]]'': &quot;It matters not that we were born apart. Upon this day, we die as one.&quot;
:'''Rivalz''': Is that your idea of a love quote?
:'''Milly''': If I go down, then we all do.
:'''Rivalz''': That's a little dark, right, Suzaku?
:'''Suzaku''': I'm glad… ''[tears start welling up in his eyes]'' That we could all be together again… You know, like this?
:'''Rivalz''': ''[jumps over Lelouch]'' Come on! We're supposed to be ''unwinding'' here! ''[takes Suzaku down to the ground with him]''
:''[Lelouch, Shirley, and Milly all laugh]''
:'''Shirley''': That's what's so refreshing about Suzaku, though.
:'''Milly''': Yeah, but once in a while, you just want him to get a clue, you know?
:'''Suzaku''': ''[muffled as Rivalz starts pushing on his cheeks]'' Sorry about that.
:'''Rivalz''': Aw, you love it, puddy tat.
:''[everyone starts laughing]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[thinking]'' It's so funny to think that I helped save their lives.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''C.C.''': ''[thinking]'' &quot;False tears can only hurt others. False smiles can only hurt yourself.&quot;

=== Guren ''Dances'' ===

:'''Cornelia''': You, the Japan Liberation Front. You whose time has left behind. You who have forgotten basic human decency. You and your dream of a bygone golden age shall fall and rot to nothingness. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''C.C.''': Lelouch, do you know why snow is white? It's because it has forgotten what color it once was...

=== ''Battle for Narita'' ===
:'''C.C.''':In their hearts, everyone has faith in their own existence and ultimate triumph, however when time and destiny unfold, this faith turns out to be quite fleeting and pointless.
:[''Voice over at the beginning of the episode.'']
:'''Narrator''': Man wants to believe his victory inevitable, but, in the face of time, hope is useless when one's fate has already been decided.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kewell is trying to engage his ejection seat as his'' Sutherland ''is being fried by the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Kewell''': Come on, move! I can't lose to Elevens! ''I am a Britannian!''
:''[Kewell's Sutherland explodes, killing him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a gravely wounded Jeremiah limps in front of a Britannian army cargo truck]''
:'''Britannian scientist #1''': Ugh, another soldier!
:'''Britannian scientist #2''': No wonder our battalions fell apart.
:'''Jeremiah''': I swear I'm not Orange! ''ZERO!!!''
:''[Jeremiah collapses]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''' ''(in response to C.C.'s question from the previous episode)'':C.C., I do not know why snow is white, but I do find such white snow beautiful.

=== ''The Messenger from Kyoto'' ===
:'''Lelouch''': I am grateful, Lord Kirihara.
:'''Taizō Kirihara''': Are you embarking on the path of blood?
:'''Lelouch''': Indeed, if that is my destiny...

=== ''Shirley at Gunpoint'' ===

:'''Cécile''': Oh, Lloyd! Care for another lesson in proper social etiquette? You look like you have some time to kill.
:'''Lloyd''': I'll have to take a pass on that.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Suzaku''': A victory won through dishonest means is no victory at all.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': I must spill yet more blood, so the blood already spilt will not be in vain.

=== ''Geass vs. Geass'' ===

:''[Shirley visits the memorial at Narita]''
:'''Shirley''': Lulu, how could you do this?
:'''Mao''': Yes, how could he?
:''[Shirley gasps and turns to face Mao]''
:'''Mao''': ''[claps]'' A very fine memorial. Isn't that right, Ms. Shirley Fenette?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mao''': He's a cruel man, isn't he? Lelouch.
:'''Shirley''': How do you know about Lulu?
:'''Mao''': Aw, he deceived you. Never told you he's Zero.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps and drops her bag]'' Who are you?! What do you want?!
:'''Mao''': The same mouth that ordered your father's death stole a kiss from your tender lips. He's a very bad man, and you ''like'' it. ''[Shirley shudders as he walks towards her]'' Punishment must be measured out, to him…and to ''you.''
:'''Shirley''': To me?
:'''Mao''': I know everything. All that happened that night.
:''[flash back to the previous night, during the Black Knight assault on the Britannian forces at the harbor; Shirley is in shock that Lelouch and Zero have been revealed to be one and the same]''
:'''Viletta''': Is that Zero?
:''[Shirley stands aside as Viletta approaches the unconscious Lelouch, kneels next to him, and grabs him by the hair]''
:'''Viletta''': Well, well, what a shocker. The student is Zero himself. A Britannian? ''[laughs evilly before letting go of Lelouch's hair]'' When I bring him to Viceroy Cornelia, she'll make me a noble! Not just a knight of honor, real nobility! And he's still alive, too! What kind of grand execution will they have in store for him. ''[stands up to face Shirley]'' Of course, you'll be rewarded too--
:''[Viletta gasps, as Shirley is now pointing her gun at her]''
:'''Viletta''': Stupid of me. He's your boyfriend, isn't he?! ''[charges towards Shirley]''
:'''Shirley''': ''Lulu! [guns down Viletta]''
:''[flash forward to the present day]''
:'''Mao''': So you're a killer, too. Just like Zero.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps]'' No! That's not true! I just--
:'''Mao''': And you actually ''used'' your father's death for your own gain.
:'''Shirley''': ''[gasps again] No!'' I just-- ''I just--''
:'''Mao''': Cunning little woman. You knew he'd feel sorry for you, didn't you, so you played it for all it was worth.
:'''Shirley''': ''No! You're wrong!''
:'''Mao''': Did his sympathy make you all tingly?
:'''Shirley''': ''Stop it!''
:'''Mao:''': Playing the tragic heroine again?
:'''Shirley''': No, I'm not doing that!
:'''Mao''': A girl who kills and then goes fishing for attention? Only evil witches do that.
:'''Shirley''': I didn't-- I never meant--
:'''Mao''': ''[walks even closer to Shirley]'' You ''knew'' there was another girl who liked Lelouch, and you wanted to get him away from her. ''[Shirley gasps once more]'' Now you have to pay the price, Shirley.
:''[Shirley falls to her knees and breaks down in tears]''
:'''Mao''': Do you want to carry these feelings around for the rest of your life? All by yourself? ''[starts clapping]'' Unless you atone and completely free your heart, you and Lelouch will both be lost in your sins, ''forever.''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''C.C.''': [''speaking to Lelouch''] You should stay way from those you do not wish to lose.

:'''Shirley''': I see.  You loved her, didn't you? You must feel terrible.
:'''Lelouch''': Right now, I don't know anymore.
:'''Shirley''': Well, the morning always comes again.
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Shirley''': I have to say it's funny, I know I came out here for some reason, but I can't remember exactly what it was now. Maybe it's because I already put the whole thing behind me, something I wanted to let go of. Maybe it was something I thought I couldn't forget. Maybe I was full of sadness. But, morning still comes right? That's why you shouldn't hold your thoughts back like that.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, you're right. I feel the same way now, Thanks a lot, for everything

=== ''Cheering Mao'' ===

:''[C.C. has followed Mao's request to meet him at Clovisland]''
:'''Mao''': ''[is riding on the carousel]'' C.C., your mind is so quiet! It's the only one I can't read! You really are the best there is!
:'''C.C.''': As childish as ever, I see.
:'''Mao''': I'm a prince on a white stallion…and a prince has to rescue the princess! ''[gets off the carousel and laughs]'' Does that make you happy, C.C.?
:'''C.C.''': Mao, we talked about this before. I told you that you and I--
:'''Mao''': Those were all lies! Lies! C.C., you love me, and this is how I know. ''[takes off his headphones]''
:'''Recording of C.C.'s voice''': Thank you, Mao. Mao! Mao.
:'''C.C.''': ''Stop it!''
:''[flash back to Mao's younger days as an orphan]''
:'''Mao''': '''BE QUIET!!!'''
:'''C.C.''': Don't listen to them. Just listen to the sound of my voice. That's it. Since my mind is the only one you can't read, and you can only be happy when you're with me, I will stay with you always. Yes…I'm right here, so you don't need to worry.
:''[flash forward to the present day]''
:'''Mao''': C.C., you're the only one! The only one I want, forever! Lelouch doesn't matter at all! ''[walks towards C.C.]'' If you'll just come with me--
:'''C.C.''': ''Stop it! [knocks Mao's headphones away and pulls a gun on him]'' I should have done this a long, long time ago.
:''[gunshot]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[C.C. falls to her knees after being shot in the arm by Mao]]''
:'''Mao''': I knew it! I knew you couldn't pull the trigger! That's because you really love me, C.C.! ''[laughs hysterically and claps]''
:'''[[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]]''': You're wrong! I was just using you right from the start!
:'''Mao''': What are you saying?! You shouldn't tell lies like that! You really shouldn't! ''[shoots C.C.]'' Lies are very, ''very'' wicked! ''Wicked lies! [shoots C.C. four more times]'' Don't worry! ''[shoots C.C. once more]'' I understand! C.C., you must listen to me! I've built a big, brand-new house in Australia! A very quiet, white, immaculate, special house! But to get to Australia, you'll need to take an airplane, and there isn't very much room. ''[starts walking away from C.C.]'' The thing is, C.C., you're a little too big to bring on a plane. ''[picks up a chainsaw]'' So that's why… ''[starts up the chainsaw]'' '''…I'm going to make you compact!''' It'll take no time at all! ''[saws right through a metal signpost, seemingly as if to prove his point]''
:'''C.C.''': Is this your revenge? You're punishing me?
:'''Mao''': Oh, no. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not at all! ''[turns towards C.C. and walks towards her]'' I'm showing you my gratitude!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[via prerecorded message played through Clovisland's television system]'' So this is the place that you picked.
:''[Mao turns off his chainsaw as he looks at the screen]''
:'''Lelouch''': A place where there'd be no one else's thoughts to bother you. That narrowed it way down.
:'''Mao''': Lelouch?
:'''Lelouch''': Since your Geass has a total maximum range of 500 meters, it can't reach me here at Tokyo Tower.
:'''Mao''': ''[laughs and claps]'' That's true, that's very true! But what can ''you'' do from so far away, hmm? After taking all that trouble to hack into the system, what's your grand plan? A remote-control attack with some battery-operated toys? Or a tongue-lashing to lecture me into submission? ''[no response from Lelouch]'' Ah, cat got ''your'' tongue now. If you want C.C., then you're gonna have to come--
:'''Lelouch''': Mao, think! You don't believe &quot;C.C.&quot; is her real name, do you? She never even whispers it to anyone.
:''[a shocked Mao looks at the screen, then at C.C.]''
:'''Lelouch''': But ''I'' know it, though. She told ''me'' her true name.
:'''Mao''': Is that right, C.C.? You never told me, ever, ever! But you told it to ''him?!''
:'''Lelouch''': You know why? Because C.C. is mine. C.C. belongs to me in every possible way.
:'''Mao''': ''No!'' She doesn't! She doesn't, she doesn't, she doesn't! She was ''mine'' long before she met ''you!''
:'''Lelouch''': I have gained every single thing from her, including all of the parts that ''you'' have never seen. ''All'' of them.
:'''Mao''': ''Lelouch! [starts up his chainsaw again] Face me! [charges towards the screen and starts slashing at it]'' Lelouch! Come here! Come here so I can look into your mind! I'll see the truth! I'll see what a liar you are! ''Liar!''
:'''Lelouch''': Mao. ''You've lost.''
:'''Mao''': What are you talking about?! ''[turns off his chainsaw]'' I don't care! I'm going to be with C.C.!

=== ''Nunnally Held Hostage'' ===

:''[Rivalz interrupts a conversation between Lelouch and Suzaku by charging in on his motorcycle]]''
:'''Rivalz''': Hey, Lelouch! ''[gets off his motorcycle]'' 
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': What's wrong?
:'''Rivalz''': I heard the President's doing a blind date thing again!
:'''Lelouch''': Yeah, today.
:'''Rivalz''': ''Today?! [grabs Lelouch by the collar]'' Why didn't you tell me about it?!
:'''Lelouch''': Because it'd make you cry.
:'''Rivalz''': Boys don't cry!
:'''Suzaku''': It's okay. I didn't know about it either.
:'''Rivalz''': ''[lets go of Lelouch and turns towards Suzaku]'' Don't give me your emo routine!
:'''Suzaku''': Emo?
:'''Lelouch''': I guess compassion is not in fashion these days.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mao's plan to blow up Nunnally has been thwarted by Lelouch and Suzaku's combined efforts]''
:'''Lelouch''': Hmph.
:'''Mao''': You think you've beat me, huh?!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[grabs Mao]'' Stop it!
:'''Mao''': Get your hands off of me, father-killer!
:''[Suzaku is paralyzed in shock]''
:'''Mao''': You killed your father seven years ago. Heh. He called for do-or-die resistance, and you thought stopping him would end the war. What a childish idea. The fact is, ''you're a murderer!''
:'''Suzaku''': That's not true! I just-- I--
:'''Mao''': How lucky for you that no one ever found out. All the adults lied to protect you.
:'''Lelouch''': But all the reports said his suicide was a protest against the military actions.
:'''Mao''': A big, fat lie, all of it!
:'''Lelouch''': A lie?
:'''Suzaku''': I didn't have any choice! If I didn't, Japan would have--
:'''Mao''': ''That's'' how you justify it in retrospect? Well, it explains your ''death wish!'' ''[Suzaku gasps]'' You want to save people's lives? It's your own wretched soul you're trying to save! That's why you're always charging into danger, placing yourself on the edge of death!
:''[Suzaku falls to his knees and wails in anguish]''
:'''Mao''': You're no hero! You're just trying to wash the blood off your hands! A little brat begging to be punished!
:'''Lelouch''': '''MAO!!!''' ''[activates Geass]'' '''NEVER SPEAK AGAIN!!!'''
:'''Mao''': What-- No!
:''[Mao is overcome by Lelouch's command and is reduced to unintelligible babbling; Lelouch charges towards Mao and attempts to punch him, only to miss as Mao starts walking away]''
:'''Lelouch''': Mao!
:''[Mao exits the church and catches sight of C.C. standing in the courtyard]''
:'''C.C.''': I ''did'' love you, Mao.
:''[Mao babbles as he walks towards C.C.]''
:'''C.C.''': Mao, I want you to go and wait for me…in C's World. ''[puts a silenced pistol to Mao's neck and fires, killing him]''
:''[Mao's corpse drops to the ground right before the church doors close; Lelouch looks back at a catatonic Suzaku]''
:'''Suzaku''': I just… I just…

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Nunnally''': [''after touching the cheek of a crying Suzaku''] My mom told me that human contact is the best cure for teary eyes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''C.C.''': ''[Narrating]'' In this world, evil can arise from the best intentions. And there is good that can come from evil intentions. How then should Lelouch's actions be taken? Every man has his day of judgement, does he not? Geass: He who uses this inhuman power will find his heart isolated; whether he wants it that way or not. Thus he plummets into the abyss that lies good and evil. But if a man can climb out of that abyss and into the light, then that man has the soul of a king.

=== ''Knight'' ===

:''[Tamaki is overseeing maintenance of the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Tamaki''': Look, just stuff 'em in and close the lid, for crying out loud! It's almost time to move out!
:'''Rakshata Chawla''': Take your time and treat it with the utmost care!
:''[Tamaki and the maintenance crew turn to look at the newly-arrived Rakshata]''
:'''Rakshata''': It was far more fragile than any of ''you'' when I gave birth to it!
:'''Tamaki''': Huh? Who the hell are you?!
:'''Rakshata''': I am its mother.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Kyōshiro Tohdoh''': [''speaking to Suzaku''] Win or lose, you'll gain nothing if you don't give your all!  That's true of both men and nations!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[After an explosion happens in the prison.]''
:'''Lloyd''': Good, now we're free of all this hellish paperwork.

=== ''I Order You, Suzaku Kururugi'' ===

:'''Diethard''': There is no such thing as objective information, Zero.  Journalism is, after all, a human creation.

=== ''Island of the Gods'' ===

:'''Diethard''': At times the life of a single man is worth more than that of a million, I thought that'd be common sense to a soldier.
:'''Tohdoh''': You dare say that here?
:'''Ohgi''': Easy guys.
:'''C.C.''': Oh, alright, then I'll tell you, he's very much alive.
:'''Tohdoh''': We have no time for your wishful thinking.
:'''C.C.''': The information's true. I simply know it.
:'''Tamaki''': Oh, you're an oracle now? I told you to shut your trap and to get some training on a Knightmare, you dumbass!
:'''C.C.''': Dumbass? Oh really? It's been ages since anyone's dared to refer to me in such a rude manner.
:'''Tamaki''': Like Zero's mistress has any right to get uppity with us.
:'''C.C.''': I said you were wrong, you are a man who only has vulgar ideas.

=== ''War at Kyushu'' ===

:'''Zero''': [''speaking to the Black Knights''] Change will never come about it you don't make it happen!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': [''speaking to Suzaku''] I order you to love me!...And in return, I will love forever! Suzaku, I love your stubbornness, and your kindness and your strength! Your sad eyes, your clumsiness, and the way you have trouble with cats!

=== ''Declaration at the School Festival '' ===

:''[Cécile is playing human whack-a-mole with an inflatable mallet at the student festival]''
:'''Cécile''': ''[giggles]'' School festivals are such fun! I feel so free! ''[giggles again]''
:'''Britannian soldier #1''': That one she keeps whacking, doesn't he look like Lloyd?
:'''Britannian soldier #2''': No great wonder. Working under that guy must really drive her out of her mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': I have a very special announcement. I am Euphemia, Sub-Viceroy of Area 11 of the Holy Britannian Empire. There is something of great consequence that I wish to tell you all today. I, Euphemia li Britannia, hereby declare the formation of the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan in the area surrounding Mt. Fuji.
:'''Lelouch''': What?! Britannia has-?!
:'''Suzaku''': They're recognizing... Japan?!
:'''Diethard''': DAMN IT! I never thought of this game! Even though it's only in a limited area!
:'''Euphemia''': Within the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan, Elevens will be allowed to call themselves Japanese. Restrictions against Elevens and special rights for Britannians will no longer exist within this zone. It will be a place where Elevens and Britannians live side-by-side as equals.
:'''Lelouch''': (thinking) Stop this, Euphie! I already thought through every detail of that scenario, it's nothing but an empty dream!
:'''Euphemia''': Do you hear me, Zero? I don't care about your past nor who you are underneath that mask. I beg you, join us in creating the special zone of freedom.
:'''Student 1''': Join Zero?
:'''Student 2''': No way, just think about Prince Clovis!
:'''Cornelia''': (enraged) '''WHAT IS SHE DOING?!!'''
:'''Euphemia''': Zero, help me build a new future within Britannia. A place for everyone!

=== ''Bloodstained Euphie'' ===

:'''Charles''': ''[laughs maniacally]'' Yes, you're worthy of being called my child now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Euphemia''': ''[after Lelouch agreed with the Admninistrative Zone of Japan]'' Do you seriously think I'm going to shoot you even if you threaten me?
:'''Lelouch''': No, I don't. But no one escapes my commands. I have the power to command anyone as they forcefully obey.
:'''Euphemia''': ''[giggles]'' Stop it, Lelouch, you're being silly.
:'''Lelouch''': I'm serious. If I order you to kill me, shoot Suzaku, or even if I tell you to kill all the Japanese, you will follow me with no hesitation.
''[Lelouch's geass suddenly activated and it affected Euphemia]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[with Lelouch's geass on her]'' No... N-no, I can't... I d-don't want to kill... W-why...? I-it can't be, I can't... kill... ''[kneeled down]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[just realized he has activated his geass unknowingly to Euphemia]'' ''It can't be! I'm like Mao--I can't control my geass anymore!''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Euphy! Forget that order!
:'''Euphemia''': ''[Lelouch's geass completely devoured her]'' That's right, I must kill all Japanese.
:'''Lelouch''': No, Euphy!!
''[Euphemia picked up Lelouch's gun and ran outside towards the stadium]''
:'''Andreas Darlton''': Princess! Where's Zero?
:'''Euphemia''': ''[to all]'' To all those who call themselves Japanese, I have a favor to ask! Do you all mind dying?
''[all Elevens gasped to what Euphemia just said]''
:'''Eleven 1''': Is she insane?
:'''Eleven 2''': She must be out of her mind!
:'''Euphemia''': I want you all to just simply fall off the cliff but it's impossible, right? So I order all my fellow Britannians--kill all the Japanese!
''[Britannians hesitate]'''
:'''Darlton''': What are you saying princess? Please stop this nonsense and-- ''[Euphemia shoots him]''
:'''Euphemia''': I'm sorry, but I must do this. I must kill all Japanese. Go ahead, Britannian Soldiers! Hurry and kill every Japanese here!
''[Zero arrives in the stadium, attempting to stop Euphemia]''
:'''Zero''': Euphy! Stop this! ''[Britannian guards blocked Zero]'' No, get out of my way... ''[activated his geass]'' GET OUT!
''[commotion has stopped when Euphemia shoots an Eleven]''
:'''Euphemia''': See? We need to kill all Japanese. So what are you waiting for? Kill them and don't let a single one alive!
''[Britannians and Knightmare Frames all obey Euphemia's order. They began to shoot each and every Japanese in sight.]''
''[Zero tried to stop Euphemia, but finds it imposssible]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': [''speaking to Euphemia''] People are more susceptible to miracles than logic.

=== ''At Least with Sorrow'' ===

:'''Euphemia''': I, Euphemia li Britannia, bid all of you within the sound of my voice to heed the following command: '''Seek out any Japanese you can find and please kill them. Leave not a single one of them alive.'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tamaki attacks a Britannian official in the aftermath of Euphemia's massacre]''
:'''Tamaki''': Equality?! You can shove that straight up your administrative ass! You lured us into a death trap! You just made the biggest mistake of your lives, you got that?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has found a Britannian Gloucester, which is now shooting panicking Japanese.]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[inside the'' Guren ''Mk-II]'' Damn Britannian! Stop what you're doing!
:''[Kallen releases a few missiles, which leaves the Gloucester unarmed.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[who is the pilot in the unarmed Knightmare]'' How rude of you! I'm Euphemia li Britannia, the 3rd Princess of the Imperial Palace!
:'''Kallen''': Ah, so this is where you're hiding, Puppet Princess.
:'''Euphemia''': Oh, you're the one from Kamine Island!
:'''Kallen''': Why the heck did you fool us?! You just killed a hundred Elevens! Don't you feel any awe or conscience?!
:'''Euphemia''': I must kill all the Japanese...
:'''Kallen''': So, that really is it. Fine, I'll finish you now. Any last words?
:''[As the'' Guren ''Mk-II closely aims at Euphemia, Zero and C.C. arrive in the Gawain.]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Kallen! I shall be handling the princess on my own.
:'''Kallen''': Do you want her alive?
:'''Lelouch''': I believe that would be unnecessary anymore.
:''[The Gawain swiftly destroys Euphemia's Gloucester, reducing it to a pile of scrap.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[gets out of the Gloucester and looks around for a gun]'' Kill the Japanese! I must kill... Hurry, hurry! ''[She finds a gun and shoots the Gawain in defiant panic. The gun runs out of bullets, so Euphemia looks for extra rounds. As she finds some, Zero gets down from his Knightmare.]''
:'''Euphemia''': Oh, I thought you were Japanese! Say, Zero, would you like to join me build the Special Administrative Zone of Japan... ''[realized she's talking different]'' Um... Japan...?
:'''Lelouch''': I would have liked to, Euphemia... together. ''[He pulls out his gun and aims it at Euphemia.]''
:''[At that moment, Suzaku in the Lancelot catches sight of Euphemia.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[breathes a sigh of relief]'' Euphie...
:''[Zero suddenly shoots Euphemia, the bullet piercing her stomach. Suzaku gasps in horror.]''
:'''Euphemia''': ''[dumbstruck as she stars to fall down in slow-motion]'' Lelouch... Why...?
:'''Lelouch''': Farewell, Euphie... you may have been the first girl I ever loved.
:''[Euphemia hits the ground and lays still. A moment of silence persists before...]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[enraged and anguished]'' '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!'''''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[surprised]'' Suzaku?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has turned over command of the G-1 Base to Diethard and is leaving to pilot the Gawain with C.C. when he runs into Kaguya Sumeragi]''
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': You're Sumeragi's--
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': Thank goodness I made it in time! That was so mean of you, the way headed off to battle without me! I've been a ''huge'' fan of yours ever since your big debut! I was hoping I'd finally get to talk to you. Wow, you're really tall, aren't you?! Don't worry, though! I'll catch up with you pretty soon!
:'''Diethard''': Lady Kaguya, I thought the heads of the six houses remained in Fuji.
:'''Kaguya''': I followed after you so I could watch my future husband fight.
:''[Lelouch, C.C., and Diethard are puzzled by Kaguya's statement]''
:'''Lelouch''': Don't joke around.
:'''Kaguya''': Well, once you win this battle, you'll eventually need a wife, won't you? I mean, I know your identity is a big secret and all, but you're gonna need somebody as your public face, right?
:'''Lelouch''': Really? You believe we're going to win this battle?
:'''Kaguya''': Of course! I am the goddess of victory, after all.
:'''Lelouch''': I'd be lucky to have you, then. Unfortunately, I've already made a contract with the devil.
:'''Kaguya''': Huh?
:'''Lelouch''': I have no room in my life for deities right now.
:''[Lelouch and C.C. leave for the Gawain as Kaguya looks on]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Lelouch''': Before creation there must be destruction.  If my soul stands in the way, then I'll toss it aside.  Yes, I have no choice but to move forward.

=== ''The Collapsing Stage'' ===

:'''Suzaku''': When I find you, Zero, I'm going to '''KILL YOU!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Viletta is sneaking through the ruins of the Tokyo Settlement]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[thinking]'' The power to control people and erase their memories. When you think about it, it makes sense and explains everything that's happened till now. And as a result of its aftereffects, I fell in love with a damned Eleven!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Suzaku has just defeated Kallen in Knightmare Frame combat]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Tell me, where is Zero?!''
:'''Kallen''': ''[nonchalant]'' You know, I really hate pushy guys.
:'''Suzaku''': Okay. Then die here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Suzaku has just blundered into a trap laid for him by Lelouch, C.C., Sayoko, and Rakshata]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Zero!'' You deceive the people who trust you to the very end! ''You betrayer!''
:'''Lelouch''': Hmph. I've no time to argue which of us is the bigger hypocrite. Farewell, Suzaku Kururugi.
:'''Suzaku''': ''Damn you!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch and C.C. have arrived at the Britannian Government Bureau, where Cornelia is waiting for them]''
:'''Cornelia''': Welcome, Zero! I figured you would show up here as soon as you heard about the air raid. Now…join us for your welcome soirée. Care for a dance?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ohgi is meeting with Viletta in private]''
:'''Ohgi''': Chigusa, why did you come to this battlefield? We need to find someplace safe for you. Stay with me for now.
:''[Viletta backs away from Ohgi when he tries to get close to her]''
:'''Ohgi''': Look, I'm sorry I hid this from you, but everything I'm doing is for the sake of peace! If Zero succeeds in freeing Japan from Britannia, then we can finally be together!
:'''Viletta''': Oh, stop before I puke!
:''[Viletta grabs Ohgi's pistol from his jacket pocket and presses the barrel to his back]''
:'''Viletta''': Me, together with an Eleven like you? What a horrible thought. ''[scoffs]'' My name is Viletta Nu, and I am a knight of honor of Britannia.
:''[Ohgi turns to face Viletta, then gets shot in the stomach]''
:'''Ohgi''': ''[falls to his knees]'' So I see, Chigusa… You've gotten your memory back… ''[groans, then falls to the floor]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Two Black Knights searching for Viletta in the'' Ganymede ''hangar at Ashford Academy are startled when the'' Ganymede'', rigged with a primitive nuclear bomb, activates]''
:'''Nina''': Zero, Princess Euphemia…
:''[cut to the Britannian Government Bureau, where Cornelia is fighting Lelouch and C.C.]''
:'''Cornelia''': '''''…WILL BE AVENGED!!!'''''
:''[the Gawain misses an attack on Cornelia's'' Gloucester'', which counters by charging with its lance]''
:'''Cornelia''': ''What's wrong, Zero?!''
:''[Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''strafes the'' Gawain ''with its machine gun as Lelouch desperately types away at the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s controls]''
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': The specs on this thing are far superior to hers!
:''[the'' Gawain ''attempts to take off, only to get snagged by the'' Gloucester''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s Slash Harkens; the'' Gloucester ''now attempts to latch onto the larger Knightmare]''
:'''Cornelia''': You're just a ''weakling!'' I have you! I have you right where I want you! Your life is now in ''my hands!''
:'''Lelouch''': ''Cornelia!''
:''[Cornelia readies the final blow]''
:'''Cornelia''': ''This is your judgment!''
:''[out of nowhere, Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''gets impaled by a Knightmare's EM lance]''
:'''Darlton''': ''[via radio]'' Princess, it's me, Darlton.
:'''Cornelia''': ''[gasps, dumbstruck by Darlton's treachery]'' Why? Darlton, why?
:'''Darlton''': Don't be afraid. I haven't come to kill you, milady.
:'''Lelouch''': Well, he made it.
:'''Darlton''': I've come to deliver you to Zero, Your Highness.
:''[Darlton suddenly relents as the Geass command placed on him wears off and he sees Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''plummeting to the ground]''
:'''Darlton''': What have I done?! Why, Princess?!
:''[Cornelia's'' Gloucester ''smashes on the ground]''
:'''Lelouch''': Thank you, ''Darlton.''
:''[Lelouch repays Darlton for his service by firing on his'' Gloucester ''with the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hadron cannons]''
:'''Darlton''': ''[as his'' Gloucester ''is exploding]'' '''PRINCESS!!!'''
:''[Darlton is consumed in the explosion of his'' Gloucester.'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Nunnally is sitting in the student council room where she hears a door open)''
:'''Nunnally''': Hello, oh who's there? Is that you C.C.?
:'(V.V. appears)''
:'''V.V.''': No, it's not.
:'''Nunnally''': Hm? but-
:'''V.V.''': Nunnally, I've come to take you with me.

=== ''Zero'' ===

:''[Lelouch arrives where Princess Cornelia is badly injured]''
:'''Cornelia''': So, you were Zero... The entire time. Darlton was right, he said it was someone with a grudge against the Britannian Imperial Family. You... You did this.. For Nunnally?
:'''Lelouch''': Correct. I will demolish the present world and build a new and better one in its place.
:'''Cornelia''': You killed them all for the sake of that madness?! Clovis?! Even Euphie?!
:'''Lelouch''': You're one to talk, my dear sister. Considering how you idolized my mother, Marianne the Flash.
:'''Cornelia''': It would seem that talking with you further... would approve to be utterly pointless.
:'''Lelouch''': Indeed? Well then, Lelouch vi Britannia orders you to answer him.
:''[''Lelouch used his Geass on Cornelia]''
:'''Cornelia''': Go on.
:'''Lelouch''': Sister, are you the one who killed my mother?
:'''Cornelia''': I'm not.
:'''Lelouch''': Then who was it?
:'''Cornelia''': I don't know.
:'''Lelouch''': But you were put in charge of her personal guard, were you not?
:'''Cornelia''': Yes.
:'''Lelouch''': Then why did you withdraw her escort?
:'''Cornelia''': I was asked to.
:'''Lelouch''': By who?
:'''Cornelia''': Lady Marianne.
:'''Lelouch''': Mother did... That's impossible! My mother knew she will be attacked that day?! No, that can't! She did. She would've got us out of there! What really happened back then?! Who killed her?! Who killed my mother, damn it?!
:''[Cornelia doesn't answer]''
:'''Lelouch''': You don't know the truth?! Then who does?! Someone must know, you yourself investigated of what occurred that day! 
:'''Cornelia''': I remembered His Majesty, the emperor, ordered Schneizel to transport the body out of there.
:'''Lelouch''': The body? You mean there are others? Then what was in that coffin?
:'''C.C.''': Hey! Get back in here!
:'''Lelouch''': I know, the Government Bureau Defense Forces will be here soon.
:'''C.C.''': No! Your little sister's been kidnapped!
:'''Lelouch''': Hmm? C.C., this is not the time for jokes. We'll take Cornelia back to the command center as our hostage.
:'''C.C.''': She's been taken!  I just know because she's the reason you live! She's on Kamine Island!
:'''Lelouch''': Kamine Island? 
:''[Lelouch is preparing to take Cornelia prisoner and leave with C.C. when Jeremiah barges in with the Siegfried]''
:'''Jeremiah''': '''''ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!!!''''' Mister Zero, can it really be?! ''What?!'' Oh, what luck, what fate, what evil fortune!
:'''Lelouch''': Is that you, Orange Boy?!
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[stammers]'' Oh, I beseech you! ''I'm begging you, please die.''
:'''Lelouch''': Get Cornelia!
:'''C.C.''': I'm already on it!
:'''Jeremiah''': Zero! I…must rid the world of the Empire's enemies! Yes, and so…'''''ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lloyd and Cécile are on board the'' Avalon''; Cécile is suiting up for deployment in her own Knightmare Frame]''
:'''Cécile''': Why did you try to stop Suzaku?
:'''Lloyd''': I'm a military contractor.
:'''Cécile''': You didn't want him killed, did you?
:'''Lloyd''': Why should I care? You know as well as I do. The biggest human flaw is that we're so pitifully fragile in our bodies, our hearts, and our relationships with each other.
:'''Cécile''': ''[puts on her earpiece]'' Nevertheless, you can't bend the world or people any which way you want.
:'''Lloyd''': I want every part in my mechanisms to function exactly as I wish. If we lose Kururugi, we'll just have to find another devicer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jeremiah has tracked Lelouch and C.C. to Kamine Island and is engaging them with the'' Siegfried'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Zero, it is I! Repent is now!
:'''Lelouch''': Stubborn ass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jeremiah has hit the'' Gawain ''twice and is readying the'' Siegfried ''for the finishing blow]''
:'''Jeremiah''': It's time for my ''wonderful vindication!''
:''[Lelouch fires the'' Gawain''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hadron cannons at the ocean surface, generating a massive plume of water]''
:'''Jeremiah''': Insidious isolation impudence!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Zero's absence, the Britannian forces have managed to rally and push back the Black Knights]''
:'''Claudio Darlton''': Hold your ground! Victory's within our reach! Be strong!
:'''Nagisa Chiba''': Damn it, we can't hold out!
:'''Shōgo Asahina''': Enemy reinforcements will be here soon!
:'''Kento Sugiyama''': What should we do?!
:''[Sugiyama watches Inoue's'' Burai ''get shot and explode, killing her]''
:'''Sugiyama''': Inoue? Ugh, where the hell is he?! ''[fires the machine gun of his'' Burai ''into the air in vain] Zero!''
:'''Gilbert G.P. Guilford''': All forces, charge! We'll smash these filthy rebels with one blow!
:''[Tohdoh's custom'' Gekka ''attempts to slice through the Britannian offensive]''
:'''Tohdoh''': Fight to your last breath! Stop at nothing! Because if they break through here, our forces will collapse completely!
:''[meanwhile, Diethard's forces have been forced to retreat to Ashford Academy]''
:'''Diethard''': ''[thinking]'' It's not that Tohdoh isn't a brilliant military leader. He simply lacks the incredible charisma that Zero possesses. We need him! He can't run out on us, not now!
:''[Kaguya has been left to look after the G-1 on the outskirts of the Tokyo Settlement]''
:'''Kaguya''': ''[thinking]'' Oh, Zero, have you really abandoned us? Have you abandoned Japan?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': That trap at the entrance was designed to buy them time. Was I their intended target? Or was it C.C.? No matter. The first thing to do is to make sure Nunnally is alright.
:''[Lelouch walks to the door and puts his hands on it. Suddenly, someone shoots it. Suzaku has arrived, holding a gun.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Turn and face me. Very slowly.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' ''Damn it! Why now?''
:'''Suzaku''': Didn't you hear me, Zero? I said, &quot;Turn and face me. Very slowly.&quot;
:'''Lelouch''': Euphemia randomly murdered throngs of innocent Japanese people. You fight for a woman like th--?
:'''Suzaku''': Your Geass power is quite convenient, isn't it?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Suzaku''': You get to hide in the shadows while others take all the blame for doing ''your'' dirty work. You're just an arrogant coward. That's your true nature, the real you. Kallen!
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasps, shown to be behind Suzaku, hidden until now]''
:'''Suzaku''': Do you want to know Zero's true identity, too?
:'''Kallen''': What are you saying?
:'''Suzaku''': You have a right to bear witness. ''[raises his gun]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasp]'' No! Wait!
:''[Suzaku fires a bullet into Lelouch's helmet. The bullet ricochets off the mask, cracking it perfectly in half. The halves clatter to the floor as Suzaku and Kallen now see the identity of Zero. A long pause follows as a slight trickle of blood comes from Lelouch's forehead.]''
:'''Kallen''': ''[voice shaking]'' But how...?! ''[falls to her knees]'' How could you?!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[solemnly, lowering his gun]'' I didn't want it... to be ''you''.
:'''Kallen''': ''[still in shock]'' L-Lelouch is...
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, I am Zero, the man who leads the Black Knights, who challenges the Holy Britannian Empire, the one who holds the entire world in his hand.
:'''Kallen''': You used us, the Japanese people? You used ''me''?
:'''Lelouch''': And, as a result, Japan will be freed. You certainly can't complain about that.
:''[Kallen sheds a tear, still shocked and feeling betrayed.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[subtly infuriated]'' I should have arrested you while I had the chance.
:'''Lelouch''': You knew it was me?
:'''Suzaku''': I wasn't sure at first, so I convinced myself that it wasn't true. But I really wanted to believe in you. But you were lying to us, to ''me.'' Your sister, Euphie. And ''Nunnally.''
:''[Kallen stands and stumbles while Lelouch speaks.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, and now, Nunnally's been kidnapped.
:''[Suzaku reacts in surprise to this news, looking concerned all of a sudden.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Please, Suzaku, can't we call a temporary truce? I need your help! Together we'll be able to save Nunnally. There's nothing in the world that you and I ''can't'' do together.
:''[Kallen is shaking, still in shock. Meanwhile, Suzaku regains his composure, becoming furious.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[angrily]'' I'm done with that! Had you only joined up with Euphie first, we wouldn't be here! If you and she had combined forces, things would be different! The world could have been--!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[cutting Suzaku off]'' That's all in the past! Over and done with.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[shocked by Lelouch's cold tone]'' Past?!
:'''Lelouch''': You killed your own father, didn't you?! Wallow in remorse when you have time for it!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[shouting]'' '''''No!''''' You're ''hopeless!''
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Suzaku''': I know you! In the very end, you'd betray the entire world, the way it's betrayed you! I'm not going to let your sick, twisted dream be realized!
:'''Lelouch''': You fool! You think ideals alone can change the world?! Fine! Then go right ahead and SHOOT ME! Come on! ''[Attaches a sakuradite bomb to his chest]'' Set your aim on this liquid sakuradite!
:'''Kallen''': ''[gasps loudly]''
:'''Lelouch''': If my heart stops, this vial will explode, and you'll both die with me.
:'''Suzaku''': Damn you!
:'''Lelouch''': Listen, I'll make a deal with you. I want to know who told you about Geass. Did they abduct Nunnally?
:'''Suzaku''': ''[fully enraged]'' NOTHING THAT HAPPENS NOW IS ''ANY'' OF YOUR CONCERN!
:''[Lelouch's emotional state visibly deteriorates as Suzaku rails on.]''
:'''Suzaku:''' YOUR VERY EXISTENCE IS A MISTAKE! YOU NEED TO BE ERASED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH!! ''I'LL'' TAKE CARE OF NUNNALLY!!
:''[Lelouch finally snaps and withdraws his own gun in a rage!]''
:'''Lelouch''': '''''SUZAKU!!!''''' ''[aims his gun at Suzaku]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''[voice echoing]'' '''''LELOOOOOOOOOUCH!!!''''' ''[aims back]''
:''[A gunshot rings out.]''

== Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2 ==

=== ''The Day a Demon Awakens'' ===

:'''Kōsetsu Urabe''': We're the only ones left now. This is all that remains of the Black Knights, who, along with Zero, once struck terror in the heart of Britannia. Still, it's too soon to give into despair. If Operation Flying Swallow Four is successful, then…
:'''Black Knights''': Yes.
:'''Urabe''': Forgive me. Here's to you.
:''[Urabe and the other Black Knights drink from saucers of sake]''
:'''Urabe''': ''[raises his saucer into the air]'' To victory! ''Long live Japan! [drops his saucer to the floor]''
:'''Black Knights''': ''[drop their saucers to the floor] Long live Japan!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tamaki, Chiba, Ohgi, and Tohdoh have been imprisoned for their involvement with the Black Knights; Tamaki has just been assaulted by two Britannian prison guards]''
:'''Tamaki''': ''[growls as he gets back up]'' If Zero was here, you wouldn't be acting so tough!
:'''Chiba''': Do me a favor! Don't say that traitor's name again!
:'''Tamaki''': Hey, Zero didn't betray us!
:'''Britannian prison guard''': Shut up, you stinking Eleven! ''[hits Tamaki with the butt of his rifle]''
:'''Ohgi''': There has to be a reason for what he did.
:'''Chiba''': What reason?! Why'd the commander vanish during the final decisive battle like that?!
:'''Tohdoh''': Stop it! It serves no purpose. Zero's dead, after all.
:'''Ohgi''': ''[gasps]'' He's dead?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Li Xingke, part of the Chinese Federation diplomatic party to Area 11, is accosted by two Britannian security guards]''
:'''Britannian security guard #1''': May we have what you're carrying, sir?
:'''Britannian security guard #2''': Our security is perfect. You don't need to carry that antique weapon here.
:''[Xingke unsheathes his sword, slashes at the two guards, and sheathes back his sword in one stroke; the guards are unharmed, but their severed belts then drop to the ground]''
:'''Gao Hai''': Xingke! That was rude of you!
:'''[[w:Li Xingke|Li Xingke]]''': Please forgive me. But I hoped it would offer you and the other Britannians a better understanding of the Chinese Federation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch has regained his memories and the use of his Geass and is confronting the black-ops forces sent to kill him and C.C.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Before you dispose of me, I'd like you to answer a question.
:''[both Lelouch and C.C. stand to face the black-ops soldiers]''
:'''Britannian black-ops soldier #1''': That girl's still alive!
:'''Britannian black-ops soldier #2''': Impossible! She was shot through the heart!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[starts walking towards the Britannian black-ops soldiers]'' If being powerless is so terribly wrong, then does having power make you right? Do you find vengeance evil? What's your value of friendship? Is it justice?
:'''Britannian intelligence officer''': There's no justice or evil. The only truth that's left for you, bait, is the simple reality of death.
:'''Lelouch''': I see. Then that reality is all that remains for you as well. I, Lelouch vi Britannia, commands you. All of you: ''Die!''
:'''Britannian intelligence officer''': It-- It can't be!
:''[the entire Britannian black-ops force is overcome by Lelouch's Geass]''
:'''Britannian black-ops soldiers''': ''[in unison] Yes, Your Highness!''
:''[the black-ops soldiers all point their rifles and pistols at each other, while the intelligence officer puts his pistol to his neck as he laughs madly; Lelouch looks on as the soldiers all commit suicide]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' Ever since that day, my heart simply couldn't accept it. This fake life I was never able to fit into, all the time that was lost, these false memories planted in me, giving me a life as one of the herd, and yet…the truth continues to guide me toward itself. That's right! It wasn't me who was wrong! ''It was the world!''
:''[the'' Guren ''Mk-II and Urabe's'' Gekka ''smash through the room and land before Lelouch, facing him]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[aloud]'' The world has to change, so ''I'' will change it.
:'''Urabe''': ''[via his'' Gekka''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s loudspeakers]'' We've been waiting for you, Master Zero. Please, give us your orders.
:'''Lelouch''': Very well! Because, after all, ''I'' am Zero, the one who will crush the world…and the one who will recreate the world anew!

=== ''Plan For Independent Japan'' ===

:''[a lone'' Sutherland ''encounters Lelouch at the massacre site of the Britannian black-ops soldiers]''
:'''Britannian pilot''': What are you doing there? That's a student uniform, isn't it?
:'''Lelouch''': Oh! You're a soldier! Thank goodness! We need to help this man at once!
:''[the'' Sutherland ''pilot sees Lelouch kneeling next to the dead Britannian intelligence officer]''
:'''Britannian pilot''': Office of Secret Intelligence? What are the emperor's personal agents doing here?
:''[the'' Sutherland ''pilot deactivates his Knightmare and disembarks]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' Good. These reports are accurate. Calares's forces don't know about me, so I can use the data in this journal.
:'''Britannian pilot''': There's only one survivor?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[aloud]'' Yes. Just you.
:'''Britannian pilot''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[gets up]'' That's right. ''[uncovers his left eye, revealing his permanently active Geass]'' Now: Give me your Knightmare.
:'''Britannian pilot''': ''[is overcome by Geass]'' I understand. The ID code is QR5YK1D6. ''[gives his key to Lelouch]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[takes the key]'' Thank you.
:''[C.C. emerges from her hiding spot behind a nonfunctional'' Sutherland'']''
:'''C.C.''': Even though you need direct eye contact, are those theatrics necessary?
:'''Lelouch''': I don't need comments from an immortal witch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen, in the'' Guren ''Mk-II, ambushes a Britannian'' Sutherland'']''
:'''Kallen''': Let me see you burst, Britannian!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Emperor Charles has introduced Suzaku to the'' Sword of Akasha'']''
:'''Suzaku''': This place… Is it a shrine?
:'''Charles''': No, it's not. This is… This is a weapon for destroying God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has just appeared before Lelouch and is pointing a gun at him]''
:'''Lelouch''': You who abandoned Zero at Kamine Island, what do you want to tell me?
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch. You were deceiving me right from the very beginning.
:'''Lelouch''': About Zero being your classmate, or about my Geass power? Which one has offended you?
:'''Kallen''': Both of them. Tell me this: Did you use your Geass on me like you did the others? Did you twist my mind and my heart and make me follow you? ''[Lelouch laughs derisively]'' Lelouch!
:'''Lelouch''': Your mind and your heart are yours alone, as was your loyalty and admiration for Zero.
:''[Lelouch starts walking towards Kallen]''
:'''Kallen''': Don't move!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[continues approaching Kallen]'' Kallen, you should be proud of what you did. You decided. You made the choice. You chose… ''[takes Kallen's gun away from her]'' …Zero. ''[Kallen backs away from Lelouch]'' You don't believe me?
:'''Kallen''': ''[hesitating]'' I wanted to believe, so much that I'd become a slave.
:'''Lelouch''': I see.
:'''Kallen''': But… ''[regains her composure]'' …The one I believe in is Zero! Just him! It's not you, Lelouch!
:'''Lelouch''': Well, fine with me. ''[notes Kallen's [[w:Playboy Bunny|Playboy Bunny]] attire and the Knightmare Frame key stuck in her cleavage]'' By the way, are you ever going to change out of those clothes?
:''[Kallen, taken by surprise, turns away from Lelouch and tries to cover her breasts]''
:'''Kallen''': Don't look at me, you pervert!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[playfully]'' Oh, is that the way you talk to Zero now?
:'''Kallen''': ''[indignant]'' I'm saying it to ''you'', Lelouch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Knights of the Round are watching Zero's broadcast]''
:'''Gino Weinberg''': Come on, Zero's dead, isn't he?
:'''Suzaku''': Yes.
:'''Gino''': So, this guy's a fake. And whoever he is, if we just go over there and storm the consulate…
:'''Suzaku''': Then we'd be breaking our treaty with them, risking an international incident.
:'''Gino''': He's saying that he's Zero, and Zero killed our royals. That gives this equal status with the E.U. war.
:'''Anya Alstreim''': It's a slippery slope either way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Zero has just declared that the room of the Chinese Federation consulate he's in will be the first dominion of the reformed United States of Japan]''
:'''Rakshata''': ''[laughs hysterically]'' A nation consisting of just one room? That man's as amusing as ever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Xingke is greeted by the'' Vincent ''at the entrance of the Chinese Federation consulate]''
:'''Xingke''': If you are Britannian, you have already been asked to leave. Or, are you one of Zero's followers?
:''[Rolo, the pilot of the'' Vincent'', emerges from its cockpit]''
:'''[[w:Rolo Lamperouge|Rolo Lamperouge]]''': I'm not sure. Which am I?
:'''Xingke''': I'm not terribly fond of riddles.
:'''Rolo''': Yes. I'm exactly the same way myself. What I want to know is the truth. That's why I came here to kill Zero.

:(''Inside the Britannian throne room'')
:'''Lelouch''': He brought me before the Britannian emperor.
:'''Charles''': The former seventeenth heir to the imperial throne, Lelouch vi Britannia. It been a long time, hasn't it, my errant son?
:'''Lelouch''': How dare you!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[to Lelouch]'' You won't use your Geass. ''[to the emperor]'' Your Majesty, I have a request. Please, sire, allow me to join the Knights of the Round, the twelve strongest knights of the Britannian Empire.
:'''Charles''': As a reward for capturing Zero, is that it?
:'''Lelouch''': You!
:'''Suzaku''': I told you before, Lelouch, that I was going to change this world from the inside.
:'''Lelouch''': Even if it means selling out your friends?!
:'''Suzaku''': That's right.
:'''Charles''': Very well, I like the answer you just gave him.
:(''Charles rising from the throne'')
:'''Charles''': Now, then. As a Knight of the Round, I order you: Cover up Zero's left eye.
:(''Suzaku lifts up Lelouch's head and covers his left eye'')
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, Your Majesty.
:'''Charles''': My unworthy son, who raised the banner of rebellion, although he was a prince. Still, there's another way we can make use of him.
:'''Lelouch''': What?!
:(''Charles' Geass activates as two Geass sigils light up in both of his eyes'')
:'''Charles''': I will rewrite your memory, about being Zero, about the death of your mother, about the very existence of Nunnally.
:'''Lelouch''': No, Geass?!
:'''Charles''': You'll remember none of it, you'll just be insignificant.
:'''Lelouch''': No, stop! You're stealing of what's most precious to me again! First my mother and now you're taking Nunnally!
:'''Charles''': Charles zi Britannia engraves into you...
:'''Lelouch''': Stop it!
:'''Charles''': ...false memories of a false life!
:(''Lelouch screams as his father's Geass enter his mind and alter his memories'')
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': '''AHHHHHHHHH!!!!'''

=== ''Imprisoned in Campus'' ===

:''[Kallen has just found out that Lelouch has swapped places with C.C. so he can escape back to Ashford Academy]''
:'''C.C.''': What's the matter?
:'''Kallen''': When did you two switch places?
:'''C.C.''': Before the speech.
:'''Kallen''': But I--
:'''C.C.''': His voice was re-recorded. The moment &quot;he&quot; appeared, it was already me, just like in a magic show.
:'''Kallen''': ''[angry]'' You planned it on your own. We don't like it when you keep secrets from us.
:'''C.C.''': &quot;We&quot; don't like it? You mean, ''you'' don't like it, do you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen has just come back from the showers and is barging in on a meeting between C.C., Gao Hai, and Xingke]''
:'''Kallen''': C.C.! I was just thinking, wouldn't it have made more sense for you to have played the bunny girl?!
:''[Kallen realizes just what she's gotten herself into, then starts shrieking hysterically before running behind an opaque glass divider]''
:'''Gao Hai''': Zero is...a girl?!
:'''C.C.''': Correct.
:'''Kallen''': ''[ducks out from behind the divider] I'M NOT ZERO!''
:'''C.C.''': Oh, you let on too soon. You have no sense of humor, do you?
:'''Kallen''': Don't play around with Zero!
:'''C.C.''': ''[as Kallen's towel starts slipping]'' We can see you.
:''[Kallen shrieks again as she puts her towel back on and ducks behind the divider once more]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shirley and Lelouch are out shopping for a birthday present for Viletta Nu]''
:'''Shirley''': ''[thinking]'' Is this...a date? If it's not...I'll make it one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch's attempt to ambush Rolo at Ashford Academy has backfired]''
:'''Rolo''': Lelouch, now you and your demonic eye...will die.

''(Guilford is at a Britannian territory where the Black Knights are about to be executed)''
:'''Guilford''': Zero, can you hear me?! Listen closely, I am Lord Gilbert G.P. Guilford, Knight of Her Royal Highness, Cornelia li Britannia! Beginning tomorrow at 1500 hours, these 256 special Class-A felons, who are guilty of treason against the Empire, will all be executed for their crimes! Zero, if you value the lives of your people, then you will face me one on one in a honorable duel!

=== ''Counterattack at the Gallows'' ===

:''[Rolo reflects on how many people he's murdered over the years]''
:'''Rolo''': ''[thinking]'' That's right. I can't remember how many people I've killed. Nobody counts the number of times they brush their teeth or eat a meal. Same with this. My Geass is suited to assassination. That's what I was told. So, I kill. There was no other place for me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[two Office of Secret Intelligence officers are complaining to Viletta about Rolo's conduct]''
:'''OSI officer #1''': Unacceptable! Did this kid kill Bruno in cold blood or not?!
:'''OSI officer #2''': And he was the fifth one!
:'''OSI officer #1''': All Victor did was touch the kid's locket, and the next thing--
:'''Viletta''': Victor had his own personality problems.
:'''OSI officer #1''': ''[slams his fist on the table]'' You don't kill a man because of that!
:'''OSI officer #2''': Now that there's this guy claiming to be Zero, we have to get our priorities straight and pull the team together.
:'''OSI officer #1''': That's exactly right, and I'm not teaming up with a freaking angel of death.
:''[Rolo has been overhearing the conversation the entire time]''
:'''Rolo''': ''[thinking]'' Team? The mission is what's important, isn't it? Who cares about the team?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Li Xingke is questioning Gao Hai about his dealings with Zero]''
:'''Xingke''': Why did you recognize the USJ on your own without confirmation from the Vermillion Forbidden City? Even if you are one of the High Eunuchs, that was unforgivable. Just what are you planning to use Zero for?
:'''Gao Hai''': I've no intention to use Zero for anything! Zero must be pleased in every way!
:'''Xingke''': And the empress's feelings on this?
:'''Gao Hai''': ''[increasingly petulant]'' That little wench doesn't matter! The absolute law is that Zero shall bring happiness to me!
:'''Xingke''': Simpering ''traitor!''
:''[Xingke rips Gao Hai's throat out with a knife on a string]''
:'''Xingke''': The Crimson Dynasty is dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch and Guilford are about to start their Knightmare Frame duel while C.C. and Xingke observe from the Chinese Federation consulate]''
:'''Lelouch''': I have a question for you, Lord Guilford. What do you do when there is an evil you cannot defeat by just means? Do you stain your hands with evil to destroy evil, or do you remain steadfastly just and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil?
:'''C.C.''': In either case, evil remains.
:'''Xingke''': A paradox. Is it merely wordplay?
:'''Guilford''': In the name of Cornelia, ''I choose justice! [charges at Lelouch's'' Burai ''with his'' Gloucester'']''
:'''Lelouch''': I understand. In my case, ''I commit evil to destroy the greater evil!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Kallen engages one of the Glaston Knights, Alfred Darlton, in the confusion surrounding the upheaval of the Britannian forces onto the Chinese Federation consulate grounds]''
:'''Kallen''': Britannia, you're on notice! This is Japanese territory now!
:'''Alfred''': There is no Japan!
:'''Kallen''': Oh, really?! That's why I hate Britannians!
:''[Kallen charges towards Alfred and successfully parries his lance strike, seemingly leaving herself open for a point-blank rocket barrage from his'' Gloucester'']''
:'''Alfred''': Goodbye, Eleven ace!
:''[Alfred fires his rocket pods at point-blank range, only to have the attack blunted by the'' Guren ''Mk-II's Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Alfred''': It's blocked at this close range?!
:''[Kallen clamps onto Alfred's'' Gloucester''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head with the Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Kallen''': This is the Radiant Wave Surger! The moment you came in close, my victory was assured! So long.
:''[Kallen activates the Radiant Wave Surger and fries Alfred and his'' Gloucester'']''

=== ''Knights of the Round'' ===

:''[Viletta has just been roped into dressing skimpily for a school event by the Swim Club]''
:'''Viletta''': ''[thinking]'' So help me, Shirley, you'll die a thousand deaths for this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Lelouch has pushed C.C. towards a big bucket of tomatoes]''
:'''Shirley''': Um, Lulu, are you alone?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[closes the bucket]'' Y-yeah.
:'''Shirley''': Aren't you just talking with somebody just now?
:'''Lelouch''': No, it's just you and me right now.
:'''Shirley''': ''[blushes]'' That's right... It's just Lulu and me... This may be my chance! Lulu, Do you want to... Eh?
''[saw a big mascot covering Lelouch]''
:'''Lelouch''': I-I'm sorry, Shirley... It's difficult to hear you from here! ''[to Kallen]'' What are you doing here?!
:'''Kallen''': I'm here to drag that pizza girl out!
:'''Lelouch''': She's in that big case of tomatoes. Carry the whole bucket and get it out from... WOAH!
''[Shirley strongly pulled Lelouch out from the mascot and dropped him in the ground]''
:'''Shirley''': ''[to the mascot]'' Who are you?! How dare you drag Lulu like that! Show yourself! ''[tries to pull the mascot's head away]''
:'''Kallen''': If I did, my identity will be revealed!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[recovering from his fall]'' What a disgrace...
''[Suzaku and Milly suddenly arrived]''
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch!
:'''Milly''': Have you seen Arthur?
:'''Lelouch''': No, I don't think I have...
''[a rumbling sound came from the huge bucket--it was C.C. kicking the box]''
:'''Suzaku''': Arthur must be in there!
:'''Lelouch''': Cats and tomatoes don't mix!
''[the'' Ganymede ''suddenly arrives and carries the huge bucket up]''
:'''Suzaku''': Wha--? Gino?
:'''Gino''': ''[piloting the'' Ganymede'']'' That's right, Suzaku! I'll be making the biggest pizza in the world myself! See you! ''[Gino zooms away with the tomato bucket]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, wait!! ''[runs after the'' Ganymede ''and Kallen and Shirley follows]''
:'''Gino''': Now, it's shake time! ''[shakes the bucket, drowning C.C.]''
''[Arthur found himself in front of the'' Ganymede ''and ran away]''
:'''Suzaku''': Was that... Arthur?
:'''Milly''': Oh, man, I think I'm going to rebuild the festival again.
''[Lelouch runs after the'' Ganymede'', but suddenly overtaken by Suzaku, then by Kallen, then by Shirley]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[stops and pants]'' This wasn't my kind of outfit...
:'''Milly''': ''[runs happily and overtakes Lelouch]'' Fire away!
''[Lelouch groans and pants]''

=== ''Surprise Attack Over the Pacific'' ===

:''[Anya gets the drop on Chiba and crushes her'' Gekka''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head with the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand]''
:'''Anya''': Tag. You're dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Anya tries to get Kallen to let go of the'' Mordred ''by firing a point-blank rocket barrage at the'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Anya''': Dirty shoes.

=== ''The Abandoned Mask'' ===
:''[Lelouch remembers all of his friends including Nina, Kallen, Suzaku, and Nunally ]''
:'''Lelouch''': Long time ago, Nunally, Suzaku, and I talked about something. We wondered what happiness would look like if we could give it a physical form. If I'm not mistaken, I think it was Suzaku that said that the shape of happiness might resemble glass. His reasoning made sense. He said that even though you don't usually notice it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently.
(''In the Britannian Government Bureau'')
:'''Nunnally''': How do you do everyone?. I am Nunnally vi Britannia of the royal family, 87th in line to the imperial throne. Due to the unfortunate untimely loss of Duke Calares recently, I'll shall assuming the viceroyship of Area 11 in his place.

=== ''One Million Miracles'' ===

:'''C.C.''': The one time a man never lies is when he makes a vow in his own heart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Anya''': Are you some kind of masochist?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch, several Knights of the Round, and Lloyd Asplund are about to discuss the Special Administrative Zone of Japan]''  
:'''Lloyd''': Excuse me, I just wanted to ask you. Are you the same Zero as before, or are you a brand new one?  
:'''Lelouch''': Zero's truth is not based on who is within. It is the actions that measure the man.
:'''Lloyd''': A-ha, a philosopher.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch appears at the ceremonies that were for the opening of the Special Adminstrative Zone of Japan]''
:'''Lelouch''': I do not wish to be in your debt. However, I have a question. What does it mean to Japanese? A nation.
:'''Suzaku''': What?
:'''Lelouch''': It is language, territory, bloodlines?
:'''Suzaku''': No, that is not it. It is in the heart.
:'''Lelouch''':  Then we are in agreement. A feeling within, of belonging, diginity, pride, the culture is carried in the heart. You are Japanese no matter where you are.

=== ''A Bride in the Red Forbidden City'' ===

:''[Tamaki interrupts a conversation between Sugiyama, Minami, and Asahina about the Chinese Federation]''
:'''Tamaki''': Asahina, don't you know? The High Eunuchs may be guys, but they got no jewels down below!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch and Schneizel are playing chess; Lelouch decides to move his king]''
:'''Schneizel el Britannia''': It is your king.  
:'''Lelouch''': If the king does not lead, then how can he expect his subordinates to follow?
:'''Schneizel''':  Impressive strategy. In fact, I will do the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': What?! A political marriage?!
:'''Kaguya''': Yes. I've recieved an invitation to the weddding from the Sumeragi conglomerate. The bride is to be the empress, icon of the Chinese Federation. I'm her good friend and she wants me to attend.
:'''Tohdoh''': And the groom is to be the First Prince of Britannia.
:'''Rakshata''': That one they call Odysseus.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Annoucer''': Annoucing the arrival of the Prime Minister of the Holy Britannian Empire, Second Prince Schneizel!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''(Nina was about to attack Zero with a knife but she is stopped by Suzaku)''
:'''Nina''': ZERO! Princess Euphemia will be AVENGED!!!
:'''Suzaku''': (holding her arm) Stop it, Nina! Drop the knife!
:'''Nina''': Aah!! Why are you stopping me? You all people should've understand since you were Princess Euphemia's knight!
:'''Suzaku''': That's right. But why...?
:'''Nina''': You were just an Eleven after all! I give you... ''(Kallen stopped Nina before she's about to kill Zero)'' Why, Kallen? You're half-Britannian and yet you choose to protect that monster!
:'''Kallen''': No, that's incorrect. I'm Japanese, Nina.
:'''Nina''': No, you're not. You're an Eleven! You're an Eleven and you pretended to be my FRIEND?!! GIVE HER BACK TO ME!!! GIVE BACK PRINCESS EUPHEMIA!!! I NEEDED HER, SHE WAS A GODDESS TO ME!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''(Zero, Kaguya, and Kallen are surrounded by guards)''
:'''Empress Tianzi''': Kaguya!
:'''Xia Wang''': Well, our wedding present has arrived on its own accord. My, this worked out wonderfully.
:'''Tianzi''': You're giving them Kaguya too?!
:'''Zhao Hao''': Put that girl out of your mind, her crimes warrant of the death penalty.
:'''Tianzi''': No you can't! That's wrong! This isn't Britannia!
:'''Xia Wang''': Your Majesty, the Black Knights are the ones who killed Gao Hai. Please don't get involved and leave the politics to us. Isn't that what you always done? Let's us handle things our way.
:'''Tianzi''': But... She's a friend.
:'''Schneizel''': Can we please stop this quarreling now? Today's the day of celebration, it is not?
:'''Cai Lishi''': But, sir...
:'''Schneizel''': Miss Sumeragi, would you refrain of having Zero accompanying me to the wedding tomorrow?
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': I suppose... I don't have much of a choice, do I?
:'''Cai Lishi''': If that is the wish of the Prime Minister of Britannia. Then, withdraw!
''(Cai Lishi orders the guards to withdraw)''
:'''Zero''': So Schneizel, you appeared right before me. (''Suzaku is protecting Prince Schneizel)'' Hmph, as watchful as ever I see.
:'''Kaguya''': Suzaku Kururugi, do you remember me? We're cousins you and I.
:'''Suzaku''': Of course, I do.
:'''Kaguya''': We're the last remaining survivors of the Six Houses of Kyoto, aren't we?
:'''Suzaku''': Taizō Kirihara and the others supported terrorists. Nothing could've stay their executions.
:'''Kaguya''': But this is different. Cousin, did you forget that Master Zero once saved your life. Do you plan to execute someone you own your life to?
:'''Suzaku''': There's no comparison.
:'''Kaguya''': Oh, how sad! It's a good thing we're not able to kill anybody nearly of the words we say.
:'''Zero''': Prince Schneizel, would you care for a game of chess?
:'''Schneizel''': Chess?
:'''Zero''': If I win, I like to have Sir Kururugi. 
:'''Suzaku''': Huh?
:'''Kallen''': What?
:'''Zero''': I want to give him to you, Lady Kaguya.
:'''Kaguya Sumeragi''': Oh! How it will be a absolutely marvelous present!
:'''Zero''': Enjoy your anticipation of it. ''(Thinking)'' If I can get Suzaku out of here, I can use my Geass on all the others. A checkmate that will turn everything around.
:'''Schneizel''': I'll agreed to you on terms. However, If you lose, I want you to remove your mask and show your face.
:'''Zero''': Agreed.
:'''Schneizel''': What a fine evening of entertainment this has turned into.

=== ''When the'' Shen Hu ''Wins Glory'' ===

:''[the Black Knights have blundered into a trap laid by Xingke and are now fighting a losing battle against Chinese Federation forces]''
:'''Lelouch''': You've earned your victory, Xingke. I should have killed you first. You're as good a tactician as I am, and as strong a warrior as Suzaku. One could say that the heavens blessed you twice.
:''[cut to Zhou Xianglin, on the bridge of the Chinese Federation mobile command post]''
:'''Zhou Xianglin''': Yes, but the heavens didn't give him enough time to live.

=== ''Power of Passion'' ===

:'''C.C.''': The little devil grows up, huh?
:'''Lelouch''': And you're still a witch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gino Weinberg, now a student at Ashford Academy, has just introduced himself to Lelouch]''
:'''Gino''': I am really looking forward to this… ''[lengthy pause]'' …old man[pats Lelouch on the back].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The human heart is the source of all our power [...] We fight with the power of our hearts.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nina''': A single shot from the ''Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s Stark Hadron cannon would demolish the Mausoleum, wouldn't it?
:'''Lloyd ''': Well, yes. If you just want to crush them.
:'''Kanon Maldini''': And the moment we did that they'd say we killed their empress. We have to let the High Eunuchs make that last mortal blow.
:'''Zhao Hao''': So, you admit you're outmatched. Well, we won't accept your surrender. It's too late now.
:'''Lelouch''': You insist on fighting? Even though your own empress will die in the attack?
:'''Zhao Hao''': The empress is merely a system. There are plenty of others to replace her.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': So you can't use her as a bargaining chip.
:'''Lelouch''': But you use her to gain noble titles in the Britannian court.
:'''Zhao Hao''': You have sharp ears, don't you? A cheap price to pay for power.
:'''Lelouch''': Cheap? A phony treaty that gives China's land to a foreign nation?
:'''Xia Wang''': Land is nothing but dirt, after all.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Correct. We're Britannian noblemen now. That's what counts.
:'''Lelouch''': And what about the common people you sworn to protect?
:'''Zhao Hao''': Zero, when you walk down the street, do you worry about stepping on the ants?
:'''Cheng Zhong''': You throw away paper that clings to your bottom, don't you? It's the same thing.
:'''Lelouch''': You sell out your country, abandon your empress, betray your own people, and all for what?
:'''Xia Wang''': An idealist. I never thought you were so naïve, Zero.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Indeed! Masters and commoners will always breed.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': Like insects!
:'''Futaba Sumeragi''': Radiant shield generators 2 and 5 are offline!
:'''Ohgi''': That leaves the deck exposed!
:'''Tianzi''': Stop it!
:'''Kaguya''': Your Majesty!
:'''Lelouch''': Noblemen, you're bureaucrats, paper pushers who know nothing about ''noblesse oblige''!
:'''Tianzi''': Please stop it! You have to stop all this fighting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Xingke''': Someone do it - I don't care who! But please, SOMEONE SAVE HER!!.
:'''Lelouch''': Very well, I understand. Your wish is granted. ''Deploys the Shinkirō and activates its shield, protecting the Empress and Xingke''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': How pathetic, Xingke. You were betrayed by your own countrymen. And you couldn't even save one little girl. Do you get it now? You need me. I'm the only ally you can rely on.
:'''Xingke''': I'll never be subordinate to you, Zero!
:'''Lelouch Lamperouge''': Subordinate? No. You have the potential to lead your entire nation. They need deliverance. Your empress, and all the helpless people of the Chinese Federation. They're crying out for it.
:'''Xingke''': Do you think your Knightmare can turn the tide of this battle?
:'''Lelouch''': Not at all. The tide of war is determined by strategy, not tactics.
:'''Soldier''': Emergency alert! Riots have broken out in Shanghai!
:'''Xia Wang''': Street riots?
:'''Shanghai Citizen 1''': Damn you!
:'''Shanghai Citizen 2''': You'll pay for this!
:'''Xia Wang''': They are rioting?! In Shanghai?!
:'''Soldier''': It's not just Shanghai. Suzhou, Beijing, Burma, Jakarta, Islamabad, and there are 14 other areas we're still confirming. People are rising up everywhere.
:'''Nina''': Rebellions breaking out simultaneously?
:'''Cécile''': Yes. They're broadcasting the communication between Zero and the High Eunuchs.
:'''Kanon''': Communication? So they were conspiring without informing us.
:'''Schneizel''': Can you run it?
:'''Cécile''': Yes.
:'''Zhao Hao''': The empress is merely a system. There are plenty of others to replace her.
:'''Lelouch''': And what about the common people you sworn to protect?
:'''Zhao Hao''': Zero, when you walk down the street, do you worry about stepping on the ants?
:'''Xia Wang''': Indeed! Masters and commoners will always breed.
:'''Cheng Zhong''': Like insects!
:'''Lelouch''': Thanks to the empress, the High Eunuchs are now firmly cast as the villains.
:'''Xingke''': You mean, you planned on their betrayal?
:'''Kanon''': He couldn't have caused this. It's happening too fast.
:'''Schneizel''': Unless he made use of someone else's plan already in place.
:'''Lelouch''': Correct. I've stolen other strategy of yours as well. We start a coup and the people rise up.
:'''Tohdoh''': In other words, we're not trapped here without reinforcements!
:'''Diethard''': We do have reinforcements. The starving masses of this land are the backup we needed!
:'''Chiba''': Then we could take offensive and strike!
:'''Anya''': The Black Knights are to be annihilated.
:'''C.C.''': She's just as tough as I expected. No!
:'''Anya''': What is this?
:'''C.C.''': So that's what you did.
:'''Chiba''': What's that?
:'''Asahina''': Now's our chance!
:'''Suzaku''': Anya, no!
:'''Gino''': This is the ''Tristan''. I'm moving in to cover the ''Mordred''.
:'''Tamaki''': Push them back now!
:'''Platoon Leader 1''': Fools! Deploying their ground forces at this point in the battle.
:'''Platoon Leader 2''': If we bomb them from the air, we'll destroy them.
:'''Schneizel''': No, we're withdrawing. Nations aren't dirt, and they're not systems. They're people. The High Eunuchs have lost the people's support. They're no longer qualified to join us as representatives of the Chinese Federation.
:'''Suzaku''': Yes, your highness.
:'''Futaba''': The ''Avalon'' and the Knights of the Round are withdrawing.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, I thought that's what you do, brother. However...
:'''Schneizel''': What do you think the emperor would've done, Kanon? Forget it. I was just musing a bit.
:'''Xingke''': So, Prince Schneizel has abandoned you. So much for your titles.
:'''Zhao Hao''': Don't hurt us! We'll give up our power, whatever you want!
:'''Xingke''': Still worried about your own skin?!
:''[Xingke kills and beheads all the Eunuchs with his sword]''

=== ''Love Attack!'' ===

:''[en route to the OSI command post, Lelouch is ambushed by a girl named Miya, who steals his hat]''
:'''Miya''': I did it! Now I get to be Lelouch's girlfriend!
:'''Lelouch''': Of course. ''[turns around to face Miya]'' Miya, is it?
:'''Miya''': What's up, honeybunch?
:'''Lelouch''': ''[removes his contact lens to reveal his active Geass sigil]'' Would you mind very much giving me that hat back?
:'''Miya''': ''[is overcome by Geass]'' Okay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Miya''': Now I'm more confused than usual. What am I doing here?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch is overseeing Sayoko's actions from the OSI's underground command post]''
:'''Lelouch''': Sayoko, watch what you have me say, or I'll come off as being kind of mental.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rivalz is prowling the campus on his motorcycle looking for Lelouch so he can deliver him to Milly]''
:'''Rivalz''': Prez, if Lelouch is who you want, then I, Rivalz Cardemonde, will give you what you want! My best friend in the world!
:''[Rivalz spots the'' Mordred ''flying overhead]''
:'''Rivalz''': Whoa, that can't be for real!
:'''Anya''': It is.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Anya has just smashed through the library wall with the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s fist, and Viletta is trying to talk her down]''
:'''Viletta''': Knight of Six, milady! This is an operations area of the OSI! Please, withdraw your Knightmare at once!
:'''Anya''': This is wrong?
:'''Viletta''': Yes, very wrong!
:'''Anya''': Wrong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gino tries to explain the deployment of the'' Mordred ''at Ashford Academy to the Knight Police]''
:'''Gino''': This is a school for commoners. Things like this happen all the time.

=== ''The Assassin from the Past'' ===
:'''Bartley''': They say they're going to kill God.
:'''Cornelia''': God?
:'''Bartley''': I thought they were speaking metaphorically. But now, at the very least, these people believe what they're saying!
:'''Cornelia''': Ridiculous! To believe in God... there's no such being!
:'''V.V.''': That's right. ''(Both Bartley and Cornelia turn to see V.V.)'' Knowing goddesses and long bearded white men in white gowns in kingdoms and clouds. No, not that sort of god-- ''(Cornelia throws a knife into V.V.'s forehead, knocking him to the ground.)''
:'''Bartley''': ''(shocked)'' Princess Cornelia!
:'''Cornelia''': Who knows what type of Geass he controls? You must never let your guard down, even for a child!
:'''V.V.''': ''(still alive)'' Yes, that's correct. ''(stands up)'' Cornelia, you do left you're reputation, don't you? ''(He then takes the knife out of his forehead.)'' As your uncle, I'm very proud of you.
:'''Cornelia''': ''(shocked)'' My what?
:'''V.V.''': We made a solemn vow. If there was ever a God that made men fight each other. We must kill him and his divine rule.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': Right. I've sent Jeremiah on ahead. He'll take care of any obstacles in the way. Don't try to fight him. He just came over to our side. 
:''[He runs up the escalator and then stops and sees someone lying on the ground in the smoke. Immediately worried, he quickly runs over and gasps in terror when he sees who it is. Shirley Fenette is lying on the ground with blood leaking from her body, a ghastly chest wound being the source of the bleeding.]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[horrified]'' ''Shirley!''
:''[He kneels down to her, overlooking her mortal wounds.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Shirley, who did this to you?
:'''Shirley''': ''[voice weak]'' Lulu... I'm glad we can talk at the very end.
:'''Lelouch''': Don't say that. It's not the end. ''[takes out his cellphone]'' I'll call a doctor, so just--
:''[Shirley puts her hand on Lelouch's cellphone to stop him.]''
:'''Shirley''': Ever since my memories have come back, I've been feeling so very afraid. A teacher who wasn't a teacher. Friends who don't have memories to share. Everyone... was just... lying. It felt as though the whole world was spying on me. That's the world you've been fighting all by yourself, isn't it? All alone. So that's why I... why I wanted to be someone who would at least be truthful to you.
:'''Lelouch''': Shirley...
:'''Shirley''': Lulu... I love you. Even knowing how you caught my father in all this... I simply couldn't hate you. Even though you made me forget everything, I still fell in love with you. ''[She tightens her grip on Lelouch's hand.]'' Even though my memories were tampered with, I kept falling in love... with you all over again. 
:''[As her life peters out, her eyes begin to close.]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, Shirley! ''You can't die!''
:''[He activates his Geass, attempting to will her into finding the strength to survive. While it kicks in, Shirley manages to overcome it.]''
:'''Shirley''': No matter how many times I'm reborn... ''[More blood has started pouring up from the hole in her chest.]'' ...I'll keep falling in love with you, Lulu. ''[Her blood is leaking onto the floor, to Lelouch's feet.]'' I suppose that it's simply fate.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[desperate]'' NO! DON'T DIE! ''[He uses his Geass yet again.]'' I ''ORDER'' YOU NOT TO DIE!
:''[Once again, the Geass has no lasting effect.]''
:'''Shirley''': So is that okay, then, Lulu? ''[Tears are forming in Lelouch's eyes.]'' And as I'm reborn... I'll fall in love with you over and over. ''[Tears are filling Shirley's own eyes as they continue to close.]'' I'll keep... falling... in love... with... ...
:''[Her voice giving out, Shirley closes her eyes and dies. Her hand falls limp into the pool of her own blood.]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[shocked, disbelieving]'' Shirley...? ''Shirley!'' 
:''[He stares in denial at her corpse with tears pouring from his eyes, shaking in grief... and he screams in despair.]''

=== ''Geass Hunt'' ===
:'''Jeremiah''': That machine was made so that I could prove my loyalty.
:'''V.V.''': Jeremiah, I thought that you had a personal grudge against Zero.
:'''Jeremiah''': I did because I thought he was a mere commoner preventing me from serving the royal family, but now I know who he is, and I know that by serving him, I am serving MY LADY MARIANNE!

:''[Lelouch and Cornelia prepare to strike the final blow on V.V.'s ''Siegfried ''.]''
:'''Cornelia''': Now you will suffer for what you did to Euphie…
:'''Lelouch''': …the source…
:'''Lelouch &amp; Cornelia''': ''(In unison)'' …of Geass!

=== ''C's World'' ===
''[In C's World, the emperor and Lelouch finally meet face to face]''
:'''Charles''': It's been a long time, Lelouch. My prodigal son.
:'''Lelouch''': Answer my question about eight years ago! Why you didn't tried to protect Mother? You knew the others were plotting against her! You know everything!
:'''Charles''': People are not equal!
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Charles''': You have a unique form of Geass! A power that no one else possesses! Use it, to get the answer from me!
:'''Lelouch''': [Thinking] He's baiting me, trying to get me to use my Geass on him. But... If I look into his eyes, then he'll look into mine. His Geass requires eye contact just like mine does. So the moment I look, his Geass will take control of me and he'll alter my memories. What will I do?
:'''Charles''': What's wrong? Are you not my son, a prince of Britannia?
:'''Lelouch''': [activating his Geass] I have no time to make the wrong choice!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Ohgi is waiting when finally he meets Villetta]''
:'''Ohgi''': Chigusa.
:'''Villetta''': That was the name you called me when I lost my memory. What's my real name?
''[She points her gun at Ohgi]''
:'''Ohgi''': Villetta. But that doesn't change anything. 
:'''Villetta''': I am a Britannian baroness. No matter what the reason, if I don't erase the disgrace of my having loved an Eleven, I won't be able to live in this world.
:'''Ohgi''': I suppose not. If I must die, I just wish it could've been in Japan.
:'''Villetta''': You came here knowing I was going to kill you?
:'''Ohgi''': Everybody dies. I wanted to choose the time.
:'''Villetta''': You can also choose to kill me if you want. Tell me, why did a terrorist save a Britannian in the first place?
:'''Ohgi''': In the beginning, I thought I could get information from you about Zero. I tricked you, kept you under surveillance. But while we lived together, I-
:'''Villetta''': I'm your sworn enemy!
:'''Ohgi''': But I still love you!
:'''Villetta''': Are you insane?!
:'''Ohgi''': I must be. You are the enemy. But I can't stop myself from loving you!
:'''Villetta''': [sobbing] I wish I've never set eyes on you-
''[Suddenly Sayoko appears]''
:'''Ohgi''': From the Intelligence?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Lelouch and Charles are in C's World]''
:'''Lelouch''': What is Geass? I wan't the truth.
:'''Charles''': How strange. A child who's wrapped himself in lies desires the truth from others.
:'''Lelouch''': What?
:'''Charles''': The false name and false mask of Zero - what has it gotten you?
:'''Lelouch''': Everything! It's gotten me all of the things that ordinary people can never obtain. Followers. Territory.
:'''Charles''': You lost Euphemia. Suzaku and Nunally are also lost to your lies.
:'''Lelouch''': Shut up! I did what I had to do. People lie to survive. No one is blameless.
:'''Charles''': You want others to know your true self, yet you only show them a false face. How can anyone know you if you don’t reveal yourself? If you hide behind masks, you are afraid that they’ll find out who you really are.
:'''Lelouch''': No!
:'''Charles''': In the end, your lies serve no purpose because you are me and I am you. All else is illusion. Though there are worlds without end, there is but one being; in the past, in the future, and now, there is only one.
:'''Lelouch''': One? What are you saying?
''[C.C. appears]''
:'''C.C.''': Charles. Play time is over now. There's nothing in it for me now, no values in the games anymore.
:'''Lelouch''': C.C.?
:'''C.C.''': You don't have to cajole him like this to get me here. I already exist in this realm.
:'''Charles''': True enough, C.C. In that case, I shall grant your wish.
:'''Lelouch''': You know what C.C.'s wish is?
:'''C.C.''': Lelouch, it's time you know the conditions of our contract and what I desire. My wish is to die; to end my existence in all worlds forever.
:'''Lelouch''': But why? Why would you want to die?
:'''C.C.''': In the final stage of Geass, the user attains the position of the one who granted them the power. Thus, you have gained the power to kill me.
:'''Lelouch''': Kill you? C.C...
:'''C.C.''': Of all those I have made contracts with, none has ever reached that point. But now there's Charles. He has done it.
:'''Lelouch''': You mean... You made the contract with me so you could cease to exist?
:'''C.C.''': Correct.
:'''Lelouch''': But why would you want to die?
:'''C.C.''': It's providence; a boundary. Only when it's final can we call it life.
:'''Lelouch''': That's wrong! We call it life because we feel it.
:'''C.C.''': Same thing. There is no life unless there is death.
:'''Lelouch''': That's just word play, it's not real!
:'''C.C.''': People die, that's real.
:'''Lelouch''': Why are we born at all? What's the purpose of it? The meaning?
:'''C.C.''': You know the answer. Those things are all just illusions.
:'''Lelouch''': No! Living just to die is too sad.
:'''C.C.''': Without death, all we have are just random events. Accumulation. You can't call that life. If you have a reason for living, then you have to kill me. Do that and you'll be Charles' equal. You'll finally be able to beat him. So fare thee well, Lelouch. You're too kind to end our contract.
:'''Lelouch''': Wait! You're - Aaahhh!
''[Lelouch falls] [Charles grins]''

=== ''United Federation of Nations Resolution Number One'' ===

:''[Lelouch is trying to deal with C.C.'s amnesia]''
:'''C.C''': What should I be doing now?
:'''Lelouch''': Let's see now. Sing me a song while hopping on one foot and wearing your clothes inside-out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Suzaku attempts to apologize to Kallen for his mistreatment of her]''
:'''Suzaku''': I'm sorry!
:''[Kallen assaults Suzaku, her words punctuated by punches and slaps]''
:'''Kallen''': What the hell does ''that'' mean?! There's no need to ''apologize''! It's either ''right'' or ''wrong''! You think you can flip on the good-guy routine whenever you like?! Not when I'm this pissed off! Kallen Kōzuki's a soldier, not a sideshow! ''[scoffs at Suzaku as she sits back down]'' I'm mostly pissed off because you're not resisting. ''[pauses for a moment as Suzaku groans in agony]'' There. Put me to death. An inmate assaulting a Knight of the Round should be good reason enough for anyone.
:'''Suzaku''': No, I won't, because I'm the one who did wrong.
:'''Kallen''': ''[mockingly]'' &quot;No, I won't.&quot; '''I HATE YOU!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Anya''': Memories that people have are always fake. No point in believing in them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Luciano Bradley, the Knight of Ten, introduces himself to Suzaku]''
:'''Luciano Bradley''': What do people value most, Sir Kururugi the traitor? Their own life, of course.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Luciano interrupts a conversation between Nunnally and Kallen]''
:'''Nunnally''': I don't believe I gave you permission to enter this area, Sir Bradley.
:'''Luciano''': My apologies, Your Highness.
:'''Kallen''': Well, so you're the Vampire of Britannia.
:'''Luciano''': Yes. It's a shame we're not on a battlefield, or I could savor your blood as well.
:'''Kallen''': Pity. So, you here to finish off the hostage?
:'''Luciano''': Not so. Hostages have only one value I care for. It seems to hold dear to life, and when alive, one can do anything he has a whim for…''to its body''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lloyd, Cécile, Nina, Suzaku, and Anya are discussing plans for an impending attack on Tokyo]''
:'''Cécile''': Huh? Mount the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' onto the ''Lancelot''?
:'''Lloyd''': Well, the intention was for Suzaku to pilot the ''Guren'', but…
:'''Suzaku''': ''[surprised]'' The ''Guren''?
:'''Cécile''': Sorry, he's right. I got so carried away I forgot. It's just, Lloyd and I got so wrapped up in our little hobby that we--
:'''Suzaku''': Hobby?
:'''Lloyd''': Rakshata's mechanisms are quite easy to tinker with. Now it's so souped up it can't be flown! End result, you're our little devicer again!
:'''Nina''': Excuse me, Professor Lloyd? Now that you've mentioned the ''Lancelot''--
:'''Lloyd''': You wouldn't mix up a strategic weapon with a tactical one, would you?
:'''Nina''': I have thought it through. Any matter caught in the primary effect field will be annihilated by the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s rapid sphere collapse.
:'''Cécile''': Hold on! You want Suzaku to fire a weapon like that?!
:'''Anya''': He'll kill his own people. A massacre.
:'''Nina''': Suzaku, you don't consider yourself an Eleven anymore, right? That's why I want to entrust the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' to you.
:'''Suzaku''': You'd give me…that burden?
:'''Nina''': You were Princess Euphemia's knight, so naturally.
:'''Lloyd''': ''[spins in a circle before facing Nina]'' Nina, darling, a fine quandary. Might just kill Suzaku…and take you along as well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch, shaken significantly by the reappearance of Emperor Charles, returns to his quarters, where C.C. attempts to offer him one last slice of pizza]''
:'''C.C.''': Uh, Master, I kept this last piece so you could have it. You left without having breakfast and must be hungry. So, please, if you--
:'''Lelouch''': '''''BE QUIET!'''''
:''[Lelouch attacks C.C. in a fit of rage, shattering the plate she's carrying and sending her to the floor; he then relents as he sees her bleeding from a large cut on her finger]''
:'''Lelouch''': Hey--
:'''C.C.''': ''[starts cowering, thinking that Lelouch is going to start beating her]'' Forgive me, Master! I'll clean it up at once!
:'''Lelouch''': No! Leave it there! ''[starts attending to C.C.'s wound]'' Be careful now. You're bleeding.
:'''C.C.''': No, it's fine. I'm okay. I get cut up all the time.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' All the time?
:'''C.C.''': Bleeding feels even better when it's cold. It feels warm on your outside. It stings a bit, but only on the outside, and that's always better than hurt on your inside. It's just, any kind of warmth helps make you try to keep going. ''[Lelouch is visibly shivering as he holds C.C.'s hand]'' Oh, lookit, Master, you're shaking. Are you cold now?
:'''Lelouch''': Uh, yeah, maybe. Maybe I am. ''[C.C. starts holding Lelouch's hand as well]'' And the hurt on the inside…how's it healed?
:'''C.C.''': You just think of… ''[pauses as she tries to think]'' …some friends.
:'''Lelouch''': Huh?
:'''C.C.''': I've never actually had one. Not like families. That always comes and goes. I mean, someone special who stands beside you. At least, I guess that's what I've heard that friends do.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, they do.
:'''C.C.''': I'm right? A friend will stand by your side?
:'''Lelouch''': Exactly right. A friend is always there.

=== ''The Taste of Dirt'' ===
:'''Luciano''': Irrelevant. Killing is all one should do on the battlefield!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lelouch is meeting Suzaku in the Kururugi Shrine asking for his help to protect Nunnally.]''
:'''Suzaku''': I need to know. Did you use your Geass power on Euphy? Be honest.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes.
:'''Suzaku''': You caused her to massacre the Japanese?
:'''Lelouch''': I ordered her to do it.
:'''Suzaku''': Why would you use your Geass power like that?! ''[He doesn't answer]'' Answer me!
:'''Lelouch''': To motivate the Japanese people. If the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan had been established, the Black Knights would have collapsed.
:'''Suzaku''': And Shirley's death?
:'''Lelouch''': Also my fault.
:'''Suzaku''': You aren't even human, you know that? Shirley and Euphy...Were both of them nothing more than pawns for your ambitions?
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, that's right. So all the sin is mine to shoulder. My little sister had nothing to do with it!
:'''Suzaku''': Why you coward! How could you use Nunnaly like that?! ''[Lelouch gets down on his legs.]''
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku, I'm sorry. For the first time in my life, I'm bowing down to another person. Shame and honor mean nothing to me. All I want is this, and my Geass be damned! Just please, you have to save Nunnaly! I beg of-- ''[Suzaku's shoe steps on Lelouch's head, which causes him to fall to the ground with Suzaku keeping him down.]''
:'''Suzaku''': After everything you've done, you really think this is sufficient? You believe some bowing and begging is enough for me to forgive you?!
:'''Lelouch''': No, of course I don't, but it's all I got! I have nothing else left to offer! You're the only person in the world who can save my sister now!
:'''Suzaku''': So you believe...I'll just ignore the past and forgive you? That everyone is going to forgive you?! ''[He puts more pressure on Lelouch's head.]'' The people you've tricked...The people who've died thanks to you...And what about Euphy?! You wanna apologize?! Then bring Euphy back to life! Right now! I wanna see you save the world with all your malice! Right now! You're Zero, the miracle worker, aren't you?!
:'''Lelouch''': I've preformed no miracles! It's all been calculation and stage production. The mass they call Zero is a symbol! Just a device that lets me tell lies!
:'''Suzaku''': Device?! You don't really expect me to believe that excuse, do you?! ''[Suzaku takes his shoe off Lelouch and picks him up by his shoulders.]'' If you're going to tell a lie, then keep it up 'til the very end!
:'''Lelouch''': I can't go back to the past! There's not a choice! You know I can't undo what's already been done!
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch! YOU WILL ANSWER ME! ''[He throws Lelouch to the ground.]'' Why did you use your Geass on me to make me wanna live?! '''WHY?!''' The Geass you used on me that drives me to live has corrupted my convictions! Why would you put such a curse on me?!
:'''Lelouch''': I only did it because I wanted to survive.
:'''Suzaku''': Then why did you save me when I was accused of Prince Clovis' murder?
:'''Lelouch''': I wanted to make the Japanese trust me, that's all.
:'''Suzaku''': Why did you save the student council members from the hotel jacking?
:'''Lelouch''': Because I thought it presented an ideal for the Black Knights' debut.
:'''Suzaku''': ''[Thinking]'' The look in his eyes...I know that look...The look of torment that comes from bottling up a lie. That's why I joined the Britannian Army: for redemption. So that the tragedy wouldn't repeat itself. ''[Aloud]'' You're lying, aren't you? Lelouch, there's only one way to redeem yourself for yourself. Turn your falsehoods into the truth. 
:'''Lelouch''': Huh?
:'''Suzaku''': You told the world a lie when you proclaimed you were a knight for justice. Why don't you live up to that lie by trying to become a true knight for justice. Then you'll have the lie going, to the very end.
:'''Lelouch''': But how? How can I do that?
:'''Suzaku''': By putting an end to this war. You are Zero. This job, only Zero can do it. It's within your power. Bring peace and happiness to the world. If you do that, I'll save Nunnally.
:'''Lelouch''': You will? You'll save her?
:'''Suzaku''': But we'll work together. One more time for her sake.
:'''Lelouch''': I'm grateful. The two of us together. We can accomplish anything. ''[Lelouch was about to grab Suzaku's hand, when a bullet stops them. After, several Knightmares surround them.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Wha-What the...?
:'''Claudio''': Hold it right there, Zero!
:'''Bart''': We've already uncovered your true identity! ''[A group of Britannian soldiers surround Lelouch and Suzaku.]''
:'''Britannian Soldier #1''': Are you all right, Sir Kururugi?
:'''Britannian Soldier #2''': Please, stay back!
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku...''[The Britannian soldiers point their guns at Lelouch while two others restrain him.]'' You set me up from the start?!
:'''Suzaku''': No, wait--! ''[Kanon puts his hand on Suzaku's shoulder.]'' 
:'''Kanon''':You've done a great deed here, Sir Kururugi. Excellent work. You've managed to bring this war to an end.
:'''Lelouch''': I see...You planned to sell me out again...You betrayed me, Suzaku...'''YOU BETRAYED ME!!!'''

=== ''The Second Decisive Battle of Tokyo'' ===

:''[Jeremiah in the'' Sutherland Sieg ''attacks Suzaku's'' Lancelot Conquista'', much to Suzaku's surprise]''
:'''Suzaku''': Jeremiah, is that you?!
:'''Jeremiah''': Suzaku Kururugi, I owe you a debt. I sympathize with you. I respect you. But in this situation…''loyalty trumps all!''
:''[Suzaku attempts to disengage from the'' Sutherland Sieg'']''
:'''Suzaku''': The ''Siegfried''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s--
:'''Jeremiah''': Take this! ''[fires a rocket barrage at the'' Lancelot Conquista'']'' The storm of my '''LOYALTY!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gino Weinberg joins the fray above Tokyo, just in time to save Suzaku from Jeremiah]''
:'''Gino''': No one can defeat a Knight of the Round. ''No one!''
:''[Gino manages to score a hit on the'' Sutherland Sieg'', freeing Suzaku in the process]''
:'''Suzaku''': Gino, thank you.
:'''Gino''': Can't you look a bit happier when someone saves your life? ''[beat]'' Lord Jeremiah! So, what they said about Orange was true, huh?
:'''Jeremiah''': Orange, you say? ''[chuckles]'' That is the name of my loyalty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Anya Alstreim ambushes Lelouch and starts firing the'' Mordred''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s guns at the'' Shinkirō ''at point-blank range]''
:'''Anya''': Which one do you think is stronger, your shield or my Stark Hadron Cannon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano Bradley gets ready to kill Lelouch]''
:'''Luciano''': Here's a question: What do people value most? Answer: Their life, of course!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano finds himself under attack by Shinichirō Tamaki and his'' Akatsuki ''squadron]''
:'''Tamaki''': Let Zero go! Or you'll have to deal with me, Shinichirō Tamaki, his best bud!
:''[Luciano fires a missile barrage from the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s shield, destroying the'' Akatsukis ''besieging him; Tamaki bails out]''
:'''Tamaki''': ''[frustrated]'' Damn it! This always happens to me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lelouch attempts a sneak attack on Luciano by firing the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s main gun at point-blank range, only to find himself at the end of the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand-mounted drill lance]''
:'''Luciano''': Just what I was waiting for, Zero! To go into attack mode, you dropped your shield! Now I will take what you value most and ''blow it away!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lloyd is despairing over the theft of the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.'']''
:'''Lloyd''': You thieves! That's mine, all mine!
:'''Cécile''': Oh, not quite! I did some of the upgrades, ''remember?''
:'''Lloyd''': Oh, right, it's actually a collaboration. Oh, ''what am I talking about?!'' With a capable devicer, even at 60% output, that unit can cut the other Knightmares to ribbons!
:''[meanwhile, Rakshata is indignant over Lloyd and Cécile's tampering with the original'' Guren ''Mk-II]''
:'''Rakshata''': That's the Earl of Pudding's work and Cécile's energy wings! How dare they, altering my ''Guren'' without my permission!
:'''Ohgi''': Still, now that we've got Kallen back in the combat zone…
:'''Tohdoh''': …it will even up the battle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Britannian officer''': Sir Bradley, you have permission to destroy the ''Guren''.
:'''Luciano''': Irrelevant! Killing is all one should do on the battlefield!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luciano and Kallen trade barbs while dueling over the skies of Tokyo in their respective Knightmares]''
:'''Luciano''': Eleven! Do you know the prime truth of the battlefield? Kill a man off the field, and you're a criminal, but kill him on it, and you're a ''big'' hero!
:'''Kallen''': So, the Vampire of Britannia wants to be a hero now, is that it?
:'''Luciano''': No, not at all. War allows me to officially take what people value most: ''Their lives!''
:'''Kallen''': Some knight. You're barely a ''scoundrel!''
:''[Kallen destroys the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s shield with a ranged Radiant Wave Surger blast; Luciano readies the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s drill lance in response and charges]''
:'''Luciano''': And now--
:'''Kallen''': And now what? ''[shatters the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s drill lance with the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s knife]'' That's not going to work.
:'''Luciano''': Ah, but now I've got you in close range.
:''[Luciano fires the'' Percival''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s head-mounted Slash Harken, only to have Kallen snag the cord in the'' Guren S.E.I.T.E.N.''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s hand and then latch onto the'' Percival ''with the Radiant Wave Surger]''
:'''Luciano''': What?!
:'''Kallen''': Question: What do ''you'' value the most? Your own ''pitiful life''!
:'''Luciano''': You think an Eleven can threaten me?!
:'''Kallen''': Send a postcard.
:''[Kallen fries the'' Percival ''and leaves Luciano to die in his Knightmare]''
:'''Luciano''': My life! My life is taken…''by a lowly Eleven?! AAAGH!''
:''[the'' Percival ''explodes and Luciano dies]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kallen comes under attack by Suzaku while Gino duels a Geass-influenced Guilford]''
:'''Gino''': Kallen. So, in the end, you chose the name &quot;Kōzuki&quot; over &quot;Stadtfeld.&quot;
:'''Kallen''': That's right, which means you and I do battle once again. So, should I be happy or sad about that, Gino?
:'''Gino''': ''[chuckles]'' Why don't we just enjoy it?

=== ''Betrayal'' ===

:''[Lelouch, still in shock over Nunnally's death, goes psychotic upon spotting the locket attached to Rolo's cell phone and snatches it from his hands]''
:'''Lelouch''': What are you doing with this?! It's Nunnally's! I wanted to give this locket to Nunnally, not to you! ''To Nunnally!'' You think you could ever replace Nunnally in my heart?! You're an '''''IMPOSTER!''' [Lelouch tosses the cell phone to the ground; C.C. cowers in fear as Rolo sits there, despondent]'' Haven't you figured it out yet?! I hate you! I loathe you! '''I DESPISE YOU!''' I've been trying to kill you, but I keep '''MISSING THE CHANCE!'''
:'''Rolo''': ''[still hasn't figured it out yet, even with Lelouch telling it to his face]'' Big…brother?
:'''Lelouch''': '''GET OUT OF HERE!''' I never want to see your face again! I said, '''''GET OUT!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lloyd''': You need to make a choice, Nina. Do you abandon science to preserve your heart, or abandon your heart and sacrifice yourself to science?
:'''Nina''': How can I do either? Did you make such a choice, Professor Lloyd?
:'''Lloyd''': I didn't have to. I'm a sociopath; I was born with an abandoned heart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Schneizel is holding a meeting with the Black Knights]''
:'''Schneizel''': Now that I think about it, I never finished my match with Zero, did I?
:'''Diethard''': Zero won't be attending. Not until we have the details of the proposal.
:'''Schneizel''': Of course. I didn't ''expect'' him to show. He's not the type who consults with others. No, he keeps things to himself and holds people at a distance.
:'''Diethard''': That's strange. You talk about him as if you know him intimately.
:'''Schneizel''': More than any of you do. Zero is our younger brother. Cornelia's and my own.
:'''Tamaki''': What are you saying?
:'''Schneizel''': He is the former 11th royal prince of the Holy Britannian Empire: Lelouch vi Britannia. The man whom I both loved and feared more than any other.
:'''Tohdoh''': Impossible.
:'''Tamaki''': You're telling us that Zero's a Britannian prince?
:'''Cornelia''': Diethard, please. In all this time, you never figure that out? Even with all the information you were getting from Jeremiah and Villetta?
:'''Diethard''': You're wasting your time. You can't cause chaos here by spreading these irrelevant stories. It's not Zero's lineage that matters but rather his efforts and the miracles that he's performed for us.
:'''Schneizel''': But what if all those miracles he perform were actually tricks.
:'''Diethard''': Tricks.
:'''Schneizel''': Zero possesses a special power. It is known as Geass. It's the absolute power to compel anyone to obey him. You can think of it as extreme hypnosis.
:'''Tohdoh''': You're saying his miracles come from that power?
:'''Tamaki''': Are you trying to dis my man Zero? He's got brains and guts and he kicks Britannian butt! A prince with Geass power? Where is the proof of all this bul, huh?
:'''Ohgi''': I have the proof.
:'''Tamaki''': Ohgi?
:'''Chiba''': And Villetta?
:'''Ohgi''': What he saying is all ''true''. Zero was a former Britannian prince named Lelouch. He controls people with his Geass power. A con man. Zero's been tricking us all along. Using us like pawns from the start.
:'''Tamaki''': You don't ''mean'' this, Ohgi.
:'''Chiba''': But if that's really true then...
:'''Diethard''': Then it doesn't matter. It doesn't erase a single thing that he's done for us. And if he really does have this Geass power, then doesn't that just help us? It's another weapon to use in our fight against Britannia.
:'''Ohgi''': Yes, that would make perfect sense if he only used it against our enemies.
:'''Tamaki''': What?
:'''Chiba''': Are you saying he used it on us?
:'''Cornelia''': Of course. He used Geass to control his own sister Euphemia. He ''made'' her slaughter the Elevens in the Special Zone.
:'''Tamaki''': You're lying! Zero is a knight for justice. He would never do something like...
:'''Schneizel''': We ''have'' evidence. ''[activates the tape recorder]''
:'''Suzaku''': Did you use your Geass power on Euphie? Be honest.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes.
:'''Suzaku''': You ''caused'' her to massacre the Japanese?
:'''Lelouch''': I ''ordered'' her to do it.
:'''Chiba''': Then, that whole bloodbath was...
:'''Cornelia''': Euphie was ''just'' a girl. Zero was in control.
:'''Tohdoh''': So Zero slaughtered our people for his own ambitions?
:'''Tamaki''': That recording is fake!
:'''Kanon''': These are people in incidents that we suspect he manipulated with his Geass.
:'''Tohdoh''': Kusakabe... Even Major General Katase!
''[The list of Geass victims like Guilford, Darlton, Shirley, Euphemia, and Suzaku revealed]''
:'''Chiba''': I can't believe it.
:'''Diethard''': Clovis.
:'''Villetta''': He used it on me, too.
:'''Ohgi''': That explains why Gao Hai changed.
:'''Chiba''': And that explains why Jeremiah and the others became traitors.
:'''Schneizel''': His Geass might be controlling even Nina. There's no way to be certain about that. When you think about it, it's a terrifying prospect.
:'''Chiba''': You mean...?
:'''Tamaki''': We could be...?
:'''Kanon''': There's one more thing. We notified Zero about the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' warhead before the battle. We wanted to avoid using it. It's still in the ''Lancelot''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s communications record. However...
:'''Tohdoh''': He never told us anything about that.
:'''Asahina''': We can't trust commander Zero!
:'''Tohdoh''': Asahina...
:'''Ohgi''': I wanted to put my trust in Zero. I wanted to believe in him, but we mean nothing to him. We're just pawns.
:'''Tamaki''': Treating us like chumps. Damn! How could he do this to us?
:'''Schneizel''': Everyone. Zero is my brother. Will you please hand him over to me for justice?
:'''Ohgi''': On one condition.
:'''Tamaki''': Ohgi!
:'''Cornelia''': You think you're in a position to bargain over this?
:'''Schneizel''': Wait, let's hear it.
:'''Ohgi''': Our Japan, return it. We're betraying our comrade, so at least we deserve to regain Japan. Otherwise, ''I'' could never forgive myself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Zero''': Kallen, it's good you made it back. I'm sorry it took so long to get you out.
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch, listen, when I was imprisoned, I happened to talk to Nunnally. She stood up for me and she saved me.
:'''Zero''': I see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Black Knights put Zero and Kallen at gunpoint]''
:'''Tohdoh''': Surrender, Zero!
:'''Chiba''': How dare you try to run a con game on us?
:'''Ohgi''': We know everything about your Geass power!
:''[Lelouch, under the mask, is horrified about what they know]''
:'''Diethard''': Zero, the renowned hero, died in battle before he could triumph, but his gallant life and daring deeds will continue to live on in myth and legend.
:'''Zero''': Is that the script you've written for me, Diethard?
:'''Diethard''': Actually, I ''wanted'' to film your brilliant campaign and glorious victory over Britannia, but I'm afraid that show's been permanently ''cancelled''.
:'''Lelouch''': ''[thinking]'' What do I do? Knightmares are beyond my reach, but Ohgi and the others are defenseless. If I can use my Geass secretly...
:'''Minami''': Everybody ''trusted'' you, Zero.
:'''Sugiyama''': Inoue and Yoshida sacrifice their lives for ''you''.
:'''Kallen''': Wait a minute! This is all ''one-sided!'' Look at how far we've come ''because'' of Zero. At least let him answer!
:'''Tamaki''': You're in the way, Kallen!
:'''Sugiyama''': Do you want to die with Zero?
:'''Minami''': Don't tell me he used his Geass on you, too?
:'''Kallen''': I need an answer, Lelouch. What do I mean to you? I have to know. If I could stay with you, I would. Please.
:'''Lelouch''': ''(thinking)'' Schneizel! You made your move and now you're calling check. There's no way out of this for me. It's over!
:'''Kallen''': Please answer me, Lelouch.
:'''Lelouch''': ''(laughing)'' Fools! You ''finally'' figured it out. That I've been ''using'' you all along. That's ''right''. You're all just pawns in my game.
:'''Ohgi''': Zero, so you really are...
:'''Tamaki''': Zero!
:'''Kallen''': Lelouch, no...
:'''Lelouch''': Kallen. You were my most useful piece. Much like a well-played knight. This whole world was the board for the game, and all for my entertainment.
:'''Kallen''': I see. ''Goodbye'' then, Lelouch.
:'''Tohdoh''': Get ready!
:'''Lelouch''': ''[whispering]'' Kallen, you have to ''live''.
:'''Tohdoh''': '''''Fire!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Even after being rejected by Lelouch, Rolo still comes to his aid nonetheless and helps him escape from the traitorous Black Knights]''
:'''Lelouch''': That's enough, Rolo. I don't want to live anymore.
:'''Rolo''': I won't stop, brother, because of this.
:'''Lelouch''': Stop doing—
''[Lelouch is interrupted as Rolo activates his Geass, causing an entire squadron of pursuing Akatsukis to drop out of the sky as their pilots are paralyzed]''
:'''Rolo''': All throughout my life, people have used me like a tool.
:'''Lelouch''': —this, Rolo! Why are you still trying—
''[Rolo activates his Geass again against a group of Britannian'' Portman IIs ''and destroys them with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s light hadron guns]''
:'''Rolo''': I was used by the Order.
:'''Lelouch''': —to save me?! You know that—
:'''Rolo''': And then ''you'' used me, big brother. ''[clutches his chest as he starts to feel the effects of cardiac failure due to overuse of his Geass]'' Yeah, maybe you've been using me for your ends right from the very start. But… only the time I spent with you seemed real!
:'''Lelouch''': —I was only usi—
''[Rolo activates his Geass once more against a group of Britannian'' Vincent Wards ''and destroys them with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s light hadron guns]''
:'''Rolo''': It was… those memories… that finally made me… ''human!''
''[Rolo is forced to deactivate his Geass prematurely as he starts having breathing problems, right as the'' Shinkirō ''encounters a Britannian airship]''
:'''Lelouch''': —using you! ''[sees Rolo's condition]'' Rolo!
:'''Rolo''': That's why I'm not… ''[attempts to activate his Geass again but fails to sustain it and starts coughing profusely]'' I'm not… ''[summons the effort to activate his Geass one final time]''
:'''Lelouch''': No, stop using your Geass like that! Do you want to di—
:'''Rolo''': I'm not… a tool! I do this… out of my own… free will… ''as a human being!''
''[Rolo carves the Britannian airship to pieces with the'' Shinkirō''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'s laser, making good his and Lelouch's escape]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Rolo lands the'' Shinkirō'', Lelouch asks him why he did what he did]''
:'''Lelouch''': Rolo, why did you save me, after all I've done to you?
:'''Rolo''': Because… you're a liar, big brother. It was… a lie, wasn't it? What you said about trying to kill me, about… hating me and all of that.
:'''Lelouch''': Of course, and you saw right through me, didn't you? Just what I'd expect of my little brother.
:'''Rolo''': ''[weakly; last words]'' That's right, I thought so, 'cause I know who you really are inside your heart. I know everything about you, big brother.
:''[Lelouch places Rolo's cell phone with the attached locket in his now-lifeless hand]''
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, you got it right. '''Your big brother…is just a liar.'''

=== ''Emperor Dismissed'' ===

:''[within the'' Sword of Akasha'', Emperor Charles starts to set his grand plan into motion]''
:'''Charles''': God! Hear me now! The time has come to settle this!
:'''Lelouch''': You're wrong. You lift your voice to call upon God, but it's not God you need to settle things with, Charles zi Britannia.
:''[Emperor Charles turns around to face his wayward son]''
:'''Lelouch''': It's me, ''your son!''
:'''Charles''': And how will you challenge me? Neither gun nor sword will have any effect on me, nor will the power of your Geass! Nothing you can do can kill me!
:'''Lelouch''': But I don't need to kill you. By coming to this parallel realm, you've already ensured my victory.
:''[Emperor Charles grunts in surprise as the Kamine Island Thought Elevator is bombed; the skies of the'' Sword of Akasha ''turn dark and flash lightning briefly]''
:'''Charles''': You sealed the exit?!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes! You, I, and the power of Geass are now sealed in this space together. And if you can no longer interfere with the real world, then all your plans will be meaningless in the end. You may as well be ''dead''!
:'''Charles''': ''Lelouch!''
:'''Lelouch''': This system, which you created, has become a prison, which now holds your own soul captive. Now, let us repent… '''''suffering together for all eternity!'''''

=== ''The Ragnarök Connection'' ===

''[In C's world, Lelouch finally sees his mother in real form]''
:'''Lelouch''': Mother... It can't be!
:'''Marianne''': My, Lelouch. How you've grown.
:'''Lelouch''': Mo-mother!
:'''Charles''': Marianne, I see you've come.
:'''Lelouch''': Is this an illusion?! You're doing this?
:'''Marianne''': No, it really ''is'' me, Lelouch. However, I can only take on my original appearance while I'm present within this system.
:'''Lelouch''': It really is...
:'''Charles''': Lelouch, I will now answer your previous question. Half a century ago, my elder brother and I existed in a Hell on Earth; our family were just rivals competing for the throne. Assassinations occured with regularity, dealing with betrayal and spawned by lies, killing each other off. My own mother fell victim to it. My brother and I were sick and angered by the world, we therefore both sworn an oath: to create a world without lies. 
:'''Marianne''': Both C.C. and I agreed to this as well. V.V., however...
''[Cut to the Britannian homeland, eight years ago]''
:'''Marianne''': What did you call me for today? I cleared everyone out of here, I even had Cornelia withdraw.
:'''V.V.''': Sorry to do this, especially without Charles around. 
:'''Marianne''': Is this about the ''Sword of Akasha''?
:'''V.V.''': Oh, no. This is only about Charles. Ever since he met you, Charles has been acting like a different man. It seems to me that you and he have come to enjoy learning more about one another. You realize if this continues, the contract we made will never be fulfilled. I will be left alone. From the beginning of time, it's always been the woman who led the man astray.
:'''Personal guard''': Lady Marianne!
:'''Marianne''': I told you to stay out of here!
''[V.V. pulls out a rifle and kills Marianne and the guards]''
:'''V.V.''': [talking on a cellphone] The job is done. Right, Begin the cover-up, maybe we can make Nunnally act to be the witness. It's imperative that this look like the work of terrorists.
''[Anya hides behind the pillar looking at Marianne wounded]''
:'''Marianne''': Anya Alstreim, the young girl who arrived a week earlier to be schooled in etiquette. ''[Marianne uses her Geass to transfer her spirit into Anya]'' My Geass power enables me to cross over to another person's mind. The power that had been latent for so long activated for the first time as I was dying. I hid inside Anya to save myself from being killed by V.V. and when I realized when my consciousness had surfaced, I could communicate mind to mind with C.C. When she discovered the truth, C.C. left the directorship to V.V. and then disappeared.
:'''Charles''': I spoke with my brother about it. However...
:'''V.V.''': I heard; what a tragedy. I shall miss Marianne.
:'''Charles''': ''[angrily]'' My brother lied to me! After we'd sworn to create a world without deceit.
:'''Lelouch''': How dare you! Don't try to pass off blame for eveything on the dead! Nunnally and I...you sent us to Japan as hostages! 
:'''Charles: IT WAS NECESSARY!!!'''
:'''Lelouch''': NECESSARY FOR WHAT?! What kind of parent does that?!
:'''C.C.''': If you have someone you don't want to lose, you should keep them at a distance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Charles''': That's right, I sent both you and your sister to Japan to escape my brother's sight. That's also why I had Marianne's body secretly taken away.
:'''Marianne''': As long as my body still exists, there's the possibility that I'll be able to return to it.
:'''Charles''': Anya and Nunnally became witnesses, therefore it was necessary to rewrite their memories in order to protect everything.
:'''Lelouch''': Nunnally?! You mean her blindness wasn't psychosomatic after all?! But&amp;mdash;
:'''Marianne''': Even though she was a false witness, there remained a very real danger she would be killed. 
:'''Charles''': To ensure Nunnally's safety, proof was needed that would lead V.V. away from the truth.
:'''Marianne''': The original plan called for only one immortal Code. However, for research to progress we had to have an additional Code. In other words, without C.C., we didn't have an 100% guarantee that it would succeed.
:'''Charles''': When Marianne was unable to persuade C.C. to help us, we were left with no choice. We were forced to use you, Lelouch.
:'''Lelouch''': What was the point of me doing this? 
:'''Charles''': These tragedies will no longer be necessary once the Ragnarok Connection is established.
:'''Marianne''': Masks will vanish, then everyone can be exactly who they're supposed to be.
:'''Lelouch''': I see, all the battle and bloodshed between Britannia and the Black Knights was to lure out C.C. Well then, it seems that from the very beginning I was merely a nuisance, just a ruckus in the world. ''[chuckles]'' And what do ''you'' two think of all this?
''[Suzaku and C.C. approach, having arrived in C's World]''
:'''C.C.''': Did you already know that I was going to come here, Lelouch?
:'''Lelouch''': And that you regained your memories too. It was necessary for this plan, wasn't it?
:'''Charles''': Precisely. Therefore I cannot see any sense in you coming here as well, Kururugi. 
:'''Suzaku''': I'm sure you can't. I'd heard that you're already immortal, that's why there something that I want to know for certain. Why did you make this thing? For what reason?
:'''Charles''': Why? Because it's what Nunnally and Euphie both desired: they wanted a gentler world.
:'''Lelouch''': Now I see. It's obvious.
:'''Charles''': The time is here. C.C., since we are all assembled, the plan can commence now. I will grant your wish after everything has been completed.
''[Charles and C.C.'s Geass powers reveal the Sword of Akasha]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[The'' Sword of Akasha ''is finally revealed]''
:'''Marianne''': Behold! It's begun! The Sword of Akasha is slaying God!
:'''Charles''': Now, once our marks of Geass become one, the old world will cease and the new world will spring forth. ''[approaches Lelouch, Suzaku, and C.C.]''
:'''Suzaku''': Lelouch, what was your motivation for wanting to control the world?
:'''Lelouch''': Don't waste my time, Suzaku. You know it was for Nunnally&amp;mdash;
:'''Suzaku''': You're ''still'' using her as your excuse?
:'''Lelouch''': ...Yes, you're right. I am. I've fought to protect everything I thought I wanted to protect.
:'''Suzaku''': If you're going to achieve that end, then you need to take action.
:'''Lelouch''': Yes. The means to that end requires me to reject something. 
:'''Suzaku''': Which is...?
:'''Lelouch''': That ''I''...''[faces the emperor]'' I reject you! And I reject everything you believe! Why do people lie? It isn't only because they struggle against each other! It's also because there is something that they're seeking. ''[C.C. looks down.]'' You now want a world without change. How stagnant! You can hardly call it life, the same as a world of memories. Just a world that's closed and completed...that's a place I wouldn't want to live in. 
:'''Marianne''': But Lelouch, are you saying you're rejecting me as well?
:'''Lelouch''': That depends. Is your desire the same as His Majesty's, Mother?
:'''Marianne''': It will be so good to rejoin all the people from whom we've been separated. You could be reunited with those who have died, even Euphemia.
''[Suzaku narrows his eyes, clearly pained.]''
:'''Lelouch''': As I expected. You both believe that this new world you envision would be best for all. But forcing good intentions on others is no different from an evil act.
:'''Charles''': In time, the people will come to accept it&amp;mdash;
:'''Lelouch''': ''[cutting him off]'' That time will never come! Only one thing is undeniably certain; I understand now that what you did to Nunnally and me may have been done out of good intentions. But the hard fact remains that you abandoned us in a foreign land!
:'''Marianne''': But we did that to protect you...! 
:'''Lelouch''': ''Then why didn't you stop the war between Japan and Britannia?!'' ''[Marianne stops, disarmed.]'' The plan was such a priority for you both, that it didn't matter to either of you if Nunnally and I were alive or dead! That's why you abandoned us. All you have left are self-serving excuses!
:'''Marianne''': Lelouch, you're wrong!
:'''Lelouch''': You just told me! You said that the dead would rejoin the living! You don't give a damn about the future!
:'''Charles''': The future is the Ragnarök Connection! Once it's finally done, the gentler existence that Nunnally spoke of will&amp;mdash;
:'''Lelouch''': ''Stop it!'' The world you're speaking of will be kinder and gentler only to you! The world that my sister wished for...is one in which kindness was extended to everyone, even strangers!
:'''Suzaku''': ''[thinking]'' He may be right. At the very least, Euphie never said that Lelouch was Zero, even to the very end. Shirley didn't either. That's why I...!
:'''Charles''': Let's say it was true: what of it? There's nothing to be done about it, the Ragnarök Connection has begun!
:'''Lelouch''': You think so? I am Zero! ''[activating his Geass]'' The man who works miracles!
:'''Charles''': Your Geass power will have no effect on me, nor will on anyone else here!
:'''Lelouch''': No! There's someone else here, isn't there?
''[Charles gasps, realizing what he means]''
:'''Lelouch''': That's right! C's World is the will of mankind itself! And &quot;All men are not equal&quot;; remember those words? They're your own! And because of that, I'm sure you realize that my power ''will'' work!
:'''Charles''': You're a fool, Lelouch! God cannot be defeated by the Power of the King!
:'''Lelouch''': I don't intend to defeat God! This is a request! Yes...now I know who I really am! ''God, collective unconscious!'' '''PLEASE, DON'T STOP THE MARCH OF TIME!!!'''
:'''Marianne''': ''[running toward Lelouch]'' Lelouch, you ungrateful child!
''[Suzaku bars her path, his sword brandished.]''
:'''Suzaku''': ''Nobody'' would've wanted this! No one, and ''especially not'' Euphie!
:'''Marianne''': And I saved you so that you could talk to Euphie again&amp;mdash;!
:'''Suzaku''': Meaning you were going to force me to, right?!
:'''Charles''': ''[to Lelouch]'' You can't do this, boy! Not against God nor all of humanity itself!
:'''Lelouch''': Regardless, what I want...is '''TOMORROW!!!'''
''[Lelouch's Geass evolves, as he uses it to bring down the Thought Elevator]''
:'''Marianne''': It can't be!
:'''Charles''': The Thought Elevator is falling! The dream that I, Marianne, and my brother all shared&amp;mdash;
:'''C.C.''': ''[sitting down]'' Charles, just stop already. It was presumptuous to us to even attempt this.
:'''Charles''': C.C., we still bear the marks of Geass; no matter what occurs, we&amp;mdash;
''[Charles' body is now being consumed by C's World]''
:'''Lelouch''': This isn't a falsehood, father. It's reality's response.
:'''Marianne''': Darling, you... ''[stops short as her body begins to vanish as well]''
:'''Charles''': No, it's not impossible! I'm supposed to be immortal! We're being absorbed?! ''Consumed by C's World?!''
:'''Marianne''': But what about C.C.? Why isn't she disappearing as well?! You supported this plan as much as we did!
:'''C.C.''': Sorry. But I finally realized: the love you have...is only for yourselves.
:'''Marianne''': No, that's not true at all. We love our children very much!
:'''Lelouch''': Do you have any idea of the meaning behind Nunnally's beautiful smile?
:'''Marianne''': The meaning...?
:'''Lelouch''': Why don't you understand? Nunnally was blinded! My own sister was crippled! She knew...she knew that there were things in this world that she would never be able to do by herself! So her smile...Nunnally's smile...was her way of expressing gratitude!
:'''Charles''': You're laboring under a delusion&amp;mdash;!
:'''Lelouch: I will not let you call that a lie!''' Over my dead body! Your refusal to face reality! Content to watch us from afar! Don't make me laugh! There's only one truth here: You, my own parents&amp;mdash;'''YOU ABANDONED US!!!'''
:'''Charles''': '''YOU CLEVER LITTLE FOOL!!!''' ''[rushes forward, grabs Lelouch's neck]''
:'''Lelouch''': ''[before Suzaku can interfere]'' Suzaku. Stay out of this.
:'''Charles''': Can't you understand that if you refuse me and what I offer, you will inherit ''his'' world, ''Schneizel's'' world! Do not judge me! Good and evil intentions are both sides of the same card! Even then, you still...!
:'''Lelouch''': No matter what, I will always reject the world you envision. '''BEGONE NOW!!!'''
''[Charles and Marianne disintegrate, screaming]''

''[TOKYO, ONE MONTH LATER...]''
:'''Milly''': ''[broadcasting]'' It has been one month since the destruction caused by the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' warhead. Today His Majesty, Emperor Charles will make an important announcement to the entire nation. We will bringing you live international coverage of this from Pendragon Imperial Palace. Even though His Majesty had not made any public appearances in the past month.
''[In the throne room of the emperor]''
:'''Carine le Britannia''': Didn't somebody say that the emperor was missing?
:'''Guinevere su Britannia''': Bismarck was the one who reported that and he is gone.
:'''Odysseus eu Britannia''': As for Schneizel and the others, where are they?
:'''Guinevere''': Don't know, there's been no word from Cambodia yet.
:'''Royal Guard''': Presenting His Imperial Majesty!
''[Everyone prepares the return of Emperor Charles, but suddenly Lelouch appears]''
:'''Odysseus''': Huh?
:'''Guinevere''': But that's not...
:'''Carine''': Where's His Majesty?
''[Lelouch sits on the throne]''
:'''Milly''': What the hell?!
:'''Rivalz''': WHAT?! It can't be!
:'''Kallen''': But how...? There's no way!
:'''Lelouch''': Greetings, I'm Lelouch vi Britannia of the Royal Family, 99th Emperor of the Realm.
:'''Bismarck Waldstein''': Good Lord!
:'''Gino''': How could this be?
:'''Carine''': It's really you?!
:'''Guinevere''': You're alive?!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes, sister, I am. I've returned from the depths of hell ''intact''. 
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, how good to see you! When Nunnally was located, I figured that you would be found alive too. But now, aren't you carrying this joke a bit too far? That's the throne of our father...
:'''Lelouch''': Charles zi Britannia, the 98th Emperor, no longer lives, and I'm the one who took his life. ''[Everyone gasps]'' Therefore, that makes me the next emperor!
:'''Carine''': What are you saying?! Are you nuts?!
:'''Guinevere''': Guards! Take that fool and execute him! He's guilty of murdering our emperor!!!
''[The guards were about to kill Lelouch but Suzaku defeated all at once]''
:'''Kallen''': Suzaku! But why?!
:'''Lelouch''': May I introduce, Suzaku Kururugi, my knight! A knight of the realm above all others! I granted him a title the &quot;Knight of Zero&quot;!
:'''Kaguya''': Suzaku?! They're working together?!
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, Sir Kururugi. This just won't do, pulling a bad stunt like this on an international broadcast...
:'''Lelouch''': Do you think so? Then let me make this easy for you all to understand... ''[activates his Geass on everyone]'' '''Acknowledge me as your emperor!'''
:'''Odysseus''': Lelouch, I insist that you stop joking around like that... ''[Everyone is now under the control of his Geass]'' We hear and obey, Your Majesty!
:'''Carine and Guinevere''': All Hail Emperor Lelouch!!!
:'''Everyone''': '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' ''' ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!''' '''ALL HAIL LELOUCH!!!'''

=== ''Emperor Lelouch'' ===
:'''Reporter''': Ninety-ninth emperor Lelouch, who ascended to the throne only a few days ago, has ordered the destruction of the Imperial Mausoleum, which held the remains of past Britannian emperors. Following his abolition of the aristocracy and breaking up plutocratic cliches, and the liberation of the Numbers, Odysseus and other royals express support the new emperor despite these actions.

=== ''Schneizel's Guise'' ===

:''[Cornelia is discussing with Schneizel about the destruction of the Britannian capital city Pendragon.]''
:'''Schneizel''': Yes? What about it?
:'''Cornelia''': You mean the people of Pendragon were...
:'''Schneizel''': I made them vanish. It was better for them than a life-swearing loyalty to Lelouch, wouldn't you say?
:'''Cornelia''': They're our own people! And you told Nunnally...
:'''Schneizel''': Lies are expedient. There's no need to tell Nunnally things that would get in the way of her opposition to Lelouch is there? She'll never know the difference.
:'''Cornelia''': You use everyone...even your own sister?
:'''Schneizel''': Cornelia, what is it that people truly want? Starvation and poverty? Discrimination and corruption? War and terrorism? They want the problems that are flooding the world to go away forever. People can't understand each other under these situations at all.
:'''Cornelia''': Your theories don't justify butchering civilians!
:'''Schneizel''': Even civilians who have rejected war depend on the police, don't they? Everyone knows, don't they, that people are driven by their own desires. The lust that dwells within the soul of man cannot be denied. ''[Schneizel pushes three buttons on a panel to have a world map appear on the monitor.]'' So why win hearts and minds or tout some shining ideology, why not bring peace to the world with system and power? In ten days, ''Damocles'' will enter the airspace of the United States of China and then switch over to a secondary acceleration. After that, we're scheduled to ascend three-hundred kilometers above the surface. From there, we will hit every enemy nation with ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''s.
:'''Cornelia''': Are you insane?! We only agreed to use them against Lelouch! This will destroy the world! You're trying to control people through fear!
:'''Schneizel''': Mankind's history is war. Peace is an illusion. To turn illusion into reality is a arduous task. It requires discipline.
:'''Cornelia''': And you plan to discipline the entire human race all by yourself?! Only a god could pull that off!
:'''Schneizel''': Then I shall become a god. If that is what it takes to bring peace to the world.
:'''Cornelia''': You're deranged...''[Diethard and Kanon enter.]''
:'''Diethard''': Magnificent! I knew I was right to change sides and support you! Surpassing Zero's chaos with a state of perfect nothingness and a kaleidoscopic transformation!
:'''Kanon''': Prince Scneizel, we've made contact with the Black Knights. They say if you plan to kill Lelouch, they're willing to join immediately.
:'''Schneizel''': Thank you, Kanon. ''[At Cornelia]'' Those who've experienced Lelouch's tyranny firsthand will have no alternative but to choose the lesser of evils.
:'''Cornelia''': Is that why you stayed back and let Lelouch get away with this until now?!
:'''Schneizel''': It was a way to minimize the damage. But in the end, if we have to sacrifice one or two billion lives to achieve a state of permanent peace...
:'''Cornelia''': You're wrong! Peace obtained by force is not peace! ''[Draws her sword and charges at Schneizel. Schneizel snaps his fingers which activate a hidden machine gun which guns down Cornelia.]''
:'''Schneizel''': This is so sad, Cornelia.

=== ''The Grip of'' Damocles ===

:'''Lelouch''': Schneizel, You knew but you kept the truth from me all this time, just so you can play this card at the right moment! Still the way that you shuffled the deck was more than artful...it was remarkable, and effective.

=== ''Re; '' ===

:''[Nunnally is refusing to give Lelouch the key to launch the'' F.L.E.I.J.A.''s.]''
:'''Nunnally''': Lelouch, you have no right to seize control of the world. You of all people, who took the name Zero then bent the will of so many in order to serve your own.
:'''Lelouch''': Are you saying we would have been better off to remain in hiding? Did you want a future of living in constant fear of assassination? This was for your future too, Nunnally.
:'''Nunnally''': My future?! When did I ever say I wanted this? Lelouch, I would have been completely satisfied by just living with you!
:'''Lelouch''': Don't you see? Our reality is restricted by all sorts of things! Our whole history is struggle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]]''': You are the only one I didn't want to use it on''. [To Nunnally]'' Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: '''Hand over the ''Damocles'' Key to me NOW!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jeremiah''': Why, you impudent!...
:'''Anya''': Memorize recording complete.
:'''Jeremiah''': Not quite!
:''[Jeremiah has sacrificed his'' Sutherland Sieg ''to defeat Anya's'' Mordred'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Fire!
:''[Jeremiah then self-destructs his'' Sutherland ''to damage the'' Mordred'']''
:'''Jeremiah''': Memorize THIS! Memorize Jeremiah Gottwald! Commit it to memory, because that is the memorable name of the man who has defeated you!
:'''Anya''': Memory? What memory? I remember nothing. I have no memory.
:'''Jeremiah''': ''[thinking]'' No memories? Could it be?... ''(revealing his Geass Canceler)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Attention, entire world! Hear my proclamation! I am Lelouch vi Britannia, Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire and ''your only ruler''! Schneizel has surrendered to me. As a result of this, I am in control of both the ''Damocles'' '''and''' the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.'' weapons, and not even the Black Knights have the strength to oppose me now. If anyone dares to resist my supreme authority, they shall know the devastating powers of the ''F.L.E.I.J.A.''s! Those who could challenge my military eule no longer exist. Yes,﻿ from this day, from this moment forward, ''the world belongs to me''! Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: Obey me, subjects! '''''Obey me, world!'''''
:'''Jeremiah''': All hail Lelouch!
:'''All''': All hail Lelouch! All hail Lelouch! All hail Lelouch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': The only ones who should kill are those prepared to be killed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as he is being killed by Suzaku]''
:'''Lelouch''': The punishment for what you have done shall be this then...you will live on, always wearing that mask, serving as a knight for justice and truth.  You will no longer live your life as Suzaku Kururugi, ''(wipes his blood on Zero's mask)'' you shall sacrifice the ordinary pleasures of your life in benefit of the world for eternity. 
:'''Suzaku''': This Geass I do solemnly accept.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku, you shall kill me as promised. Right now all the hatred on the world is concentrated upon me as planned. Then all you have to do is erase my existence...put an end to this chain of hatred. The Black knights will have the legend of Zero left behind for them. Schneizel will work for Zero. Now the world can be united at one table, not through violence and military force, but through negotiation and talk.....it can embrace the future.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lelouch''': Suzaku you are going to be a hero. The messiah who saved everyone from the enemy of the world, Lelouch vi Brittania.....as Zero !! [Suzaku stabs Lelouch]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nunnally''': [''To Lelouch''] Lelouch? Are you...?
:'''Lelouch''': [''Silent and looks out forward with a sad smile on his face'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Gasps and puts her hand on Lelouch's'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Visualizes Lelouch and Suzaku putting the plan in action'']
:'''Nunnally''': [''Realizes''] You mean... everything you've done until now? [''Places Lelouch's hand to her cheek as tears fell from her eyes''] Oh, big brother! I love you!
:'''Lelouch''': Yes... I... I destroy... the world... and create it... anew. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kallen''': Hey, Lelouch. The world has become a much better place since that eventful day. All the energy that was put to war is now being redirected towards poverty and hunger. All the world's evil and hatred has been thrown upon you... Maybe it was easier for the people to recognize the name of one man, instead of a system known as the ''Damocles''. Sounds too good to be true, eh? That's also the reason why people are not imprisoned by the past and can move towards the future... Even now you may be laughing and telling me, &quot;it was all according to your plan&quot;. Of course we still have problems... But even so...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last words of the series]''
:'''C.C.''': I said that the Geass is the power of the king which would condemn you to a life of solitude. I think that's not quite correct. Right, Lelouch?

== Cast ==
* [[w:Lelouch Lamperouge|Lelouch Lamperouge]] - [[w:Jun Fukuyama|Jun Fukuyama]] (Japanese), [[w:Johnny Yong Bosch|Johnny Yong Bosch]] (English)
* [[w:Suzaku Kururugi|Suzaku Kururugi]] - [[w:Takahiro Sakurai|Takahiro Sakurai]] (Japanese), [[w:Yuri Lowenthal|Yuri Lowenthal]] (English)
* [[w:C.C. (Code Geass)|C.C.]] - [[w:Yukana|Yukana]] (Japanese), [[w:Kate Higgins|Kate Higgins]] (English)
* [[w:Nunnally Lamperouge|Nunnally Lamperouge]] - [[w:Kaori Nazuka|Kaori Nazuka]] (Japanese), [[w:Rebecca Forstadt|Rebecca Forstadt]] (English)
* [[w:Kallen Stadtfeld|Kallen Stadtfeld / Kallen Kōzuki]] - [[w:Ami Koshimizu|Ami Koshimizu]] (Japanese), [[w:Karen Strassman|Karen Strassman]] (English)
* [[w:Rolo Lamperouge|Rolo Lamperouge]] - [[w:Takahiro Mizushima|Takahiro Mizushima]] (Japanese), [[w:Spike Spencer|Spike Spencer]] (English)
* [[w:Schneizel el Britannia|Schneizel el Britannia]] - [[w:Norihiro Inoue|Norihiro Inoue]] (Japanese), [[w:Troy Baker|Troy Baker]] (English)
* [[w:Li Xingke|Li Xingke]] - [[w:Hikaru Midorikawa|Hikaru Midorikawa]] (Japanese), [[w:David Earnest|David Earnest]] (English)
* [[w:Jeremiah Gottwald|Jeremiah Gottwald]] - [[w:Ken Narita|Ken Narita]] (Japanese), [[w:Crispin Freeman|Crispin Freeman]] (English)

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://code-geass.bandai-ent.com/ Bandai Entertainment's official ''Code Geass'' website]
* [http://code-geassr2.bandai-ent.com/ Bandai Entertainment's Official ''Code Geass R2'' website]
* [http://www.adultswim.com/shows/codegeass/ Adult Swim's official ''Code Geass'' anime website]
* [http://www.adultswim.com/video/index.html Adult Swim Video]


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    <title>Renewable energy</title>
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      <text bytes="31661" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Renewable energy|Renewable energy]]''' is energy that is collected from [[w:renewable resource|renewable resource]]s that are naturally replenished on a [[w:Orders of magnitude (time)|human timescale]]. It includes sources such as [[sunlight]], [[w:wind power|wind]], [[rain]], [[w:tidal power|tides]], [[w:wave power|waves]], and [[w:geothermal energy|geothermal heat]]. Renewable energy stands in contrast to [[fossil fuel]]s, which are being used far more quickly than they are being replenished. Although most renewable energy sources are [[w:sustainable energy|sustainable]], some are not. For example, some [[w:biomass|biomass]] sources are considered unsustainable at current rates of exploitation.

[[File:Combined heat and power solar installation on barn roof in Western Europe 2.jpg|thumb|&quot;I'd put my money on the sun and [[w:Solar energy|solar energy]]. What a [[w:Electricity generation|source of power]]!&quot; - [[Thomas Edison]] in [https://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/03/magazine/03wwln-essay-t.html a conversation shortly before his death in 1931.] (This photo shows a combined heat and power solar installation on a barn roof in Germany.)]]

{{theme-stub}}

== Quotes ==
[[File:Xingquanbao.eoliennes.jpg|thumb|&quot;[[w:Cost of electricity by source|Wind [power cost] has plunged by 80% just in the past 11 or 12 years]]. . . . Things like [[w:Grid parity|wind and solar power really can already out-compete dirtier forms of electricity]], and we just need to build more of them quickly; [as of May, 2022] we’re not adding them fast enough.&quot; - Daniel Cohan, Rice University. (This photo shows wind turbines in Gansu province, China.)]]

===Before 2001===

* I'd put my money on the sun and [[w:Solar energy|solar energy]]. What a [[w:Electricity generation|source of power]]! I hope we don’t have to wait until [[w:Oil depletion|oil]] and [[w:Non-renewable resource|coal run out]] before we tackle that.
** [[Thomas Edison]] (in a conversation shortly before his death in 1931), as quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/03/magazine/03wwln-essay-t.html a June 3, 2007 essay entitled &quot;Current Thinking&quot; by the journalist and documentary filmmaker Heather Rogers published in ''The New York Times Magazine''.]

===2001 to 2010===

* Although photosynthesis typically has an energy conversion efficiency below three percent, it is, together with heat from the sun, the main energy source of all living organisms, and the energy source from which biomass and fossil fuels are derived. Each year the earth receives an energy input from the sun equal to 15,000 times the world's commercial energy consumption and 100 times the world's proven coal, gas and oil reserves.
** Bernhard Scheffler, quoted by J. Clarke and D. Holt-Biddle in Coming Back to Earth, p. 78 (2002)

* There is one forecast of which you can already be sure: someday renewable energy will be the only way for people to satisfy their energy needs. Because of the physical, ecological and (therefore) social limits to nuclear and fossil energy use, ultimately nobody will be able to circumvent renewable energy as the solution, even if it turns out to be everybody’s last remaining choice. The question keeping everyone in suspense, however, is whether we shall succeed in making this radical change of energy platforms happen early enough to spare the world irreversible ecological mutilation and political and economic catastrophe.
** [[w:Hermann Scheer|Hermann Scheer]], member of the German Bundestag and President of the European Association for Renewable Energy, in his book [http://www.earthscan.co.uk/Portals/0/Files/Sample%20Chapters/9781844073559.pdf ''Energy Autonomy: The Economic, Social and Technological Case for Renewable Energy'' (2006).] Routledge Taylor &amp; Francis Group. ISBN 9781844073559.

===2011 to 2020===

*More solar energy falls on Earth in one hour than all the energy our civilization consumes in an entire year. If we could harness a tiny fraction of the available solar and wind power, we could supply all our energy needs forever, and without adding any carbon to the atmosphere.
** From the [[w:Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey#Twelfth Episode: The World Set Free|twelfth episode]] of the U.S. science documentary television series ''[[w:Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey|Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey]]'', first broadcast on June 1, 2014.

* Every percentage point increase in homegrown renewable energy makes us that much more energy secure. The progress in electricity is encouraging, but growth is not yet strong enough in renewable heat and transport to meet the government's objectives.
** Nina Skorupska, chief executive of the UK's Renewable Energy Association, as quoted in [http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jun/26/wind-renewables-generated-fifth-britain-electricity-energy &quot;Wind and other renewables generated a fifth of Britain's electricity in early 2014&quot;] ''The Guardian.'' June 26, 2014.

* One of the [[w:Disruptive innovation|real breakthroughs]] is when someone figures out [[w:Energy storage|long-term storage capacity]].
** [[George Shultz]], US statesman and economist, discussing the need for improvements in batteries or other energy storage technology to better integrate [[w:Solar energy|solar]] and [[w:Wind energy|wind energy]] into the [[w:Electrical grid|electrical grid]], as quoted in [https://news.mit.edu/2014/george-shultz-climate-change-mit-talk-1001 &quot;George Shultz: 'Climate is changing,' and we need more action: Former secretary of state - and former MIT professor - urges progress on multiple fronts&quot;] ''MIT News.'' October 1, 2014.

[[File:Bill Gates MSC 2017 (cropped).jpg|thumb|[https://www.ft.com/content/4f66ff5c-1a47-11e5-a130-2e7db721f996 &quot;The only way you can get to the very positive {CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt; reduction} scenario is by great innovation. Innovation really does bend the curve&quot;] - Bill Gates, global philanthropist and founder of Microsoft.]]
* The only way you can get to the very positive scenario is by great [[innovation]]. [[w:Innovation|Innovation really does bend the curve]].
** [[Bill Gates]], global philanthropist and founder of Microsoft, arguing that the cost of reducing CO&lt;sub&gt;2&lt;/sub&gt; emissions using existing technologies is &quot;beyond astronomical.&quot; From [https://www.ft.com/content/4f66ff5c-1a47-11e5-a130-2e7db721f996 &quot;Gates to double investment in renewable energy projects: Microsoft co-founder takes interest in new areas of research like in solar, high wind and new nuclear&quot;] ''Financial Times.'' June 25, 2015.

* If you told me that [[innovation]] had been frozen and we just have today's technologies, will the world run the climate change experiment? You bet we will. We will not deny India coal plants; we will run the scary experiment of heating up the atmosphere and seeing what happens. The only reason I'm optimistic about this problem is because of [[w:Innovation|innovation]]. . . . I want to tilt the odds in our favor by driving innovation at an unnaturally high pace, or more than its current business-as-usual course. I see that as the only thing. I want to call up India someday and say, &quot;Here's a source of energy that is cheaper than your coal plants, and by the way, from a global pollution and local pollution point of view, it's also better.&quot;
** [[Bill Gates]], in [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/11/we-need-an-energy-miracle/407881/ &quot;We need an energy miracle&quot; (Interview with Bill Gates).] ''The Atlantic.'' November 2015 issue.

* Cheaper coal and cheaper gas will not derail the transformation and decarbonisation of the world’s power systems. By 2040, zero-emission energy sources will make up 60% of installed capacity.
** Bloomberg New Energy Finance report entitled [https://www.bloomberg.com/company/new-energy-outlook &quot;New Energy Outlook 2016 (An annual long-term view of how the world's power markets will evolve in the future)&quot;].

* We have long supported a [[w:carbon tax|carbon tax]] as the best policy of those being considered. Replacing the hodge-podge of current, largely ineffective regulations with a revenue-neutral carbon tax would ensure a uniform and predictable [[w:Carbon price|cost of carbon]] across the economy. It would allow market forces to drive solutions. It would maximize transparency, reduce administrative complexity, promote global participation and easily adjust to future developments in our understanding of climate science as well as the policy consequences of these actions.
** [[Rex Tillerson]], Chairman and CEO of ExxonMobil, in a speech entitled [http://corporate.exxonmobil.com/en/company/news-and-updates/speeches/the-path-forward-in-todays-energy-environment &quot;The Path Forward in Today’s Energy Environment&quot;] delivered at the 37th Annual Oil and Money Conference in London on October 19, 2016.

* Rather than an eyesore on the roof, it becomes actually a feature of the home. People are going to start wanting to put [[w:Building-integrated photovoltaics|{building-integrated photovoltaics}]] on the front side of their home to show that they have solar.
** Christopher Klinga, technical director of the (U.S.-based) Architectural Solar Association, as quoted in [http://www.nbcnews.com/mach/innovation/next-solar-energy-revolution-hiding-plain-sight-n742111 &quot;The Next Solar Energy Revolution Is Hiding in Plain Sight.&quot;] NBCNews.com. April 10, 2017.

* [W]ind and solar power have been rapidly winning market acceptance. Last year, the installed capacity of solar power in the United States nearly doubled. And wind is now being harnessed to produce 5.5 percent of America’s electricity, according to the [[w:Energy Information Administration |U.S. Energy Information Administration]].
** Norm Alster, journalist, in [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/15/business/mutfund/trump-coal-renewable-investing.html &quot;Investing in Solar and Wind in a Coal and Oil Moment.&quot;] ''The New York Times.'' April 15, 2017.

[[File:Abraham Archibald Anderson - Thomas Alva Edison - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|&quot;The next big act belongs to the [[Engineering|engineers]]. [https://www.project-syndicate.org/commentary/cop24-rulebook-time-for-engineers-by-jeffrey-d-sachs-2018-12 Energy transformation for climate safety is our twenty-first-century moonshot.&quot;] - [[Jeffrey Sachs]], development economist. (Pictured above is [[Thomas Edison]], considered one of the greatest [[Invention|inventors]] and engineers of all time.)]]
* The transition to renewable energy can be greatly accelerated if the world’s governments finally bring the [[Engineering|engineers]] to the fore... I was recently on a panel with three economists and a senior business-sector engineer. After the economists spoke... the engineer spoke succinctly and wisely. “I don’t really understand what you economists were just speaking about, but I do have a suggestion... Tell us engineers the desired ‘specs’ and the timeline, and we’ll get the job done.” This is not bravado.... The next big act belongs to the engineers. [[w:Energy transition|Energy transformation]] for [[w:Climate security|climate safety]] is our twenty-first-century [[Apollo 11|moonshot]]. 
** [[Jeffrey Sachs]] in [https://www.project-syndicate.org/commentary/cop24-rulebook-time-for-engineers-by-jeffrey-d-sachs-2018-12 ''For Climate Safety, Call in the Engineers, Project Syndicate'']  (20 December 2018)

[[File:VCY CG CB CV cent grp 121613 0517 02844 (13896600480).jpg|thumb|&quot;A [[w:carbon tax|carbon tax]] will send a powerful price signal that harnesses the invisible hand of the marketplace to steer economic actors towards a low-carbon future.&quot; - [https://clcouncil.org/economists-statement/ &quot;Economists’ Statement on Carbon Dividends&quot;] signed by more than 3,500 economists, including every living former chair of the US Federal Reserve (pictured, from left to right: Janet Yellen, Alan Greenspan, Ben Bernanke and Paul Volcker).]]
* A [[w:carbon tax|carbon tax]] offers the most cost-effective lever to reduce carbon emissions at the scale and speed that is necessary. By correcting a well-known market failure, a carbon tax will send a powerful price signal that harnesses the invisible hand of the marketplace to steer economic actors towards a low-carbon future. . . . A consistently rising carbon price will encourage technological [[innovation]] and large-scale infrastructure development.
** &quot;Economists’ Statement on Carbon Dividends: Bipartisan agreement on how to combat climate change.&quot; (Statement signed by more than 3,500 economists, including every living former chair of the U.S. Federal Reserve and 27 Nobel laureates.)
*** [https://www.wsj.com/articles/economists-statement-on-carbon-dividends-11547682910 Economists’ Statement on Carbon Dividends (The statement's original publication - subscription required to view in full.)] ''The Wall Street Journal.'' January 16, 2019.
*** [https://clcouncil.org/economists-statement/ Economists’ Statement on Carbon Dividends (Republication - no subscription needed to view.)] Republished by the Climate Leadership Council. Originally published on January 16, 2019.

* The clean energy portfolios of some of the largest corporate buyers rival those of the world’s biggest utilities. These companies are facing mounting pressure from investors to [[w:Low-carbon economy|decarbonize]] - [[w:Power purchase agreement|clean energy contracts]] serve as a way to [[w:Energy management|diversify energy spend]] and reduce susceptibility to the tangible [[w:Climate risk|risks associated with climate change]].
** Kyle Harrison, sustainability analyst at [[w:Bloomberg L.P.#New Energy Finance|BloombergNEF]] and lead author of its ''1H 2020 Corporate Energy Market Outlook'' report, as quoted in a summary discussing the report entitled [https://about.bnef.com/blog/corporate-clean-energy-buying-leapt-44-in-2019-sets-new-record/ &quot;Corporate Clean Energy Buying Leapt 44% in 2019, Sets New Record&quot;], published on January 28, 2020.

* [N]ew [[w:Cost of electricity by source|renewable power generation projects now increasingly undercut existing coal-fired plants]]. On average, new [[w:Solar energy|solar]] [[w:Photovoltaics|photovoltaic (PV)]] and onshore [[w:Wind power|wind power]] cost less than keeping many existing [[w:Coal-fired power station|coal plants]] in operation, and [[w:Electricity market|auction]] results show this trend accelerating – reinforcing the case to [[w:Coal phase-out|phase-out coal]] entirely.
** [[w:International Renewable Energy Agency|International Renewable Energy Agency]] press release entitled [https://www.irena.org/newsroom/pressreleases/2020/Jun/Renewables-Increasingly-Beat-Even-Cheapest-Coal-Competitors-on-Cost &quot;Renewables Increasingly Beat Even Cheapest Coal Competitors on Cost: Competitive power generation costs make investment in renewables highly attractive as countries target economic recovery from COVID-19, new IRENA report finds.&quot;] June 2, 2020.

* I think it’s clear now that [[w:Sustainable energy | energy has to be clean]]. . . . And [[w:Renewable energy commercialization | we should do it in ways that give jobs to everybody]]. . . . There’s [[w:Renewable energy transition | so much to do in renewable power]], there is [[w:Coal-fired power station | so little to do in coal]].
** [[w:William McDonough|William McDonough]], as quoted in [https://www.marketplace.org/2020/08/19/pollution-climate-change-waste-economy-architect-william-mcdonough/ &quot;Eliminating the concept of waste from the economy&quot;], from the ''Marketplace Morning Report'' segment of the US National Public Radio ''Morning Edition'' program, August 19, 2020.

===2021===

====How to Avoid a Climate Disaster (book)====

''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster: The Solutions We Have and the Breakthroughs We Need''. Book published by Alfred A. Knopf on February 16, 2021. ISBN 9780385546133 (hardcover), ISBN 9780385546140 (e-book). &lt;br /&gt; 
[[How to Avoid a Climate Disaster | Main Wikiquote page for ''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster'']] &lt;br /&gt; 
[[w:How to Avoid a Climate Disaster | Wikipedia page for ''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster'']]

[[File:Renewable Energy on the Grid.jpg|thumb|&quot;Deploying today’s [[w:Renewable energy|renewables]] and improving [[w:Electric power transmission|transmission]] couldn’t be more important. [And] even as we deploy, deploy, deploy [[w:Solar power|solar]] and [[w:Wind power|wind]], the world is going to need some new clean electricity inventions too.&quot; - [[Bill Gates]], from his book, [[w:How to Avoid a Climate Disaster|''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster'' (2021)]].]]

* When it comes to climate change, I know [[innovation]] isn’t the only thing we need. But we cannot [[w:Climate change mitigation|keep the earth livable]] without it. [[w:Environmental technology|Techno-fixes]] are not sufficient, but they are necessary.
** [[Bill Gates]], from page 14 of his book [[w:How to Avoid a Climate Disaster|''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster'' (2021)]].

* [W]e’re going to need ''much'' more [[w:Clean electricity|clean electricity]] in the coming years. Most experts agree that as we [[w:Electrification|electrify]] other [[w:Emission intensity|carbon-intensive processes]] like [[w:Steelmaking|making steel]] and [[w:Electric car|running cars]], [[w:World energy supply and consumption|the world’s electricity supply]] will need to double or even triple by 2050. And that doesn’t even account for population growth, or the fact that people will get richer and use more electricity. So the world will need much more than three times [[w:Electricity generation|the electricity we generate now]].
** [[Bill Gates]], from page 79 of his book [[w:How to Avoid a Climate Disaster|''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster'' (2021)]].

* Deploying today’s [[w:Renewable energy|renewables]] and improving [[w:Electric power transmission|transmission]] couldn’t be more important. . . . Unless we use large amounts of [[w:Nuclear power|nuclear energy]] . . . every path to zero [net emissions] in the United States will require us to install as much [[w:Wind power|wind]] and [[w:Solar power|solar power]] as we can build and find room for. It’s hard to say exactly [[w:Electricity sector of the United States|how much of America’s electricity will come from renewables]] in the end, but what we do know is that between now and 2050 we have to build them much faster - on the order of 5 to 10 times faster - than we’re doing right now. And remember that most countries aren’t as lucky as the United States when it comes to [[w:Solar power by country|solar]] and [[w:Wind power by country|wind resources]]. The fact that we can hope to generate a large percentage of our power from renewables is the exception rather than the rule. That’s why, even as we deploy, deploy, deploy solar and wind, the world is going to need some new clean electricity inventions too.
** [[Bill Gates]], from pages 83 and 84 of his book [[w:How to Avoid a Climate Disaster|''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster'' (2021)]].

* Over the past decade, [[w:Wind power#Wind power capacity and production|installed wind capacity]] has grown by an average of 20 percent a year, and [[w:Wind turbine|wind turbines]] now provide about 5 percent of [[w:World energy supply and consumption#Electricity generators are driven by|the world's electricity]]. Wind is growing for one simple reason: [[w:Wind power#Electric power cost and trends|It's getting cheaper]].
** [[Bill Gates]], from page 193 of his book [[w:How to Avoid a Climate Disaster|''How to Avoid a Climate Disaster'' (2021)]].

====COP26 Climate Conference in Scotland, UK====

[[w:2021 United Nations Climate Change Conference|26th United Nations Climate Change Conference (or &quot;COP26&quot;)]], held in Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom from October 31st to November 13th, 2021

[[File:Official portrait of the Prime Minister Narendra Modi, November 2020 (cropped).jpg|thumb|&quot;India will take its non-fossil energy capacity to 500 gigawatts by 2030, [and] India will meet 50 percent of [[w:Electricity sector in India|its energy requirements]] from [[w:Renewable energy in India|renewable energy]] by 2030.&quot; - [[Narendra Modi]], Prime Minister of India since 2014, addressing the COP26 international climate conference. (Nov. 2, 2021)]]

* [[Global warming|Climate change]] is already . . . [[w:Economic impacts of climate change|costing our nations trillions of dollars]] [and] we know that none of us can escape [[w:Effects of climate change|the worst that’s yet to come if we fail to seize this moment]]. . . . But . . . within the growing catastrophe, I believe there’s an [[w:Green growth|incredible opportunity . . . .  We have the ability to invest in ourselves]] and build an equitable [[w:Sustainable energy|clean-energy]] future and in the process create [[w:Full employment|millions of good-paying jobs]] [while we] [[w:Environmental justice|create an environment that raises the standard of living]] around the world. . . . When I talk to the American people about climate change, I tell them it’s about [[w:Green job|jobs]].  It’s about workers [and the] communities that will [[w:Green economy|revitalize themselves around new industries and opportunities]]. . . . So, [[w:Climate change mitigation|let’s get to work]].
** [[Joe Biden]], President of the United States, on Day 2 of [[w:2021 United Nations Climate Change Conference|the climate conference]] (excerpted from [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2021/11/01/remarks-by-president-biden-at-the-cop26-leaders-statement/ &quot;Remarks by President Biden at the COP26 Leaders Statement&quot;] at whitehouse.gov). (November 1, 2021)

*We are aware that [[w:List of countries by greenhouse gas emissions|the industrialised countries have a particular responsibility]]. . . . [[w:Climate finance|The financing]] is essential if the industrialised countries are to maintain their credibility. . . . Ladies and gentlemen, with government activities alone we will not make progress. For this requires radical transformation of [[w:Individual action on climate change|how we live]], [[w:Climate change mitigation|work and conduct business]]. I therefore want to take this opportunity to make a very clear appeal for [[w:Carbon price|pricing for CO2 emissions]]. With this form of pricing, [[w:European Union Emissions Trading System|which we already have in the European Union]], which is [[w:Chinese national carbon trading scheme|to be introduced in China]] and which needs to be developed together with many others throughout the world, we could get our industries and businesses to find the technologically most effective and efficient ways to achieve [[w:Carbon neutrality|climate neutrality]]. We need to work out [[w:Low-carbon economy|how we can best integrate CO2-free mobility, CO2-free industry and CO2-free processes into our lives]]. My clear call in the Decade of Action, in the decade in which we now live, is for us to become more ambitious at a national level and at the same time to find global instruments that not only make use of [[w:Tax|taxpayers’ money]] but are also [[w:Efficiency|economically viable]]. And for me, the answer is CO2 pricing.
**[[Angela Merkel]], Chancellor of Germany from 2005 to 2021, on Day 2 of [[w:2021 United Nations Climate Change Conference|the COP26 climate conference]] (excerpted from [https://www.bundesregierung.de/breg-en/news/speech-by-federal-chancellor-dr-angela-merkel-on-the-occasion-of-the-world-leaders-summit-at-the-26th-conference-of-the-parties-to-the-unfccc-cop26-in-glasgow-on-1-november-2021-1974784 &quot;Speech by Federal Chancellor Dr Angela Merkel on the occasion of the World Leaders’ Summit at the 26th Conference of the Parties to the UNFCCC (COP26) in Glasgow on 1 November 2021&quot;] at bundesregierung.de). (November 1, 2021)

*In the midst of this global brainstorming on [[global warming|climate change]], on behalf of India, I would like to present five [commitments] to deal with this challenge. First - India will take its non-fossil energy capacity to 500 gigawatts by 2030. Second - India will meet 50 percent of [[w:Electricity sector in India|its energy requirements]] from [[w:Renewable energy in India|renewable energy]] by 2030. . . . And fifth - by the year 2070, India will [[w:Carbon neutrality|achieve the target of Net Zero]]. . . . Today, when India has resolved to move forward with a new commitment and a new energy, the transfer of [[w:Climate finance|climate finance]] and low cost [[w:Clean technology|climate technologies]] have become more important. . . . India also understands [[w:Climate change and poverty|the suffering of all other developing countries]], shares them, and will continue to express [[w:climate justice|their expectations]].
** [[Narendra Modi]], Prime Minister of India since 2014, on Day 3 of [[w:2021 United Nations Climate Change Conference|the COP26 climate conference]] (excerpted from [https://www.mea.gov.in/Speeches-Statements.htm?dtl/34466/National+Statement+by+Prime+Minister+Shri+Narendra+Modi+at+COP26+Summit+in+Glasgow &quot;National Statement by Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi at COP26 Summit in Glasgow&quot;] at mea.gov.in). (November 2, 2021)

===2022 and later===

* [T]he solution has to be real economy government regulations to ban or to make higher [the] cost of the brown and polluting industries. That said, there are parts of finance which are longer-term and [evaluate] [[w:Climate risk|climate risks]] . . . and these are asset owners, the pension funds, the wealth funds and the insurance companies who are not so transactional [and] they’re not [as] interested in a deal to be done today. And they are in fact often mandated by their governments to take into account climate risk. So, I think those players will step up in this instance [turmoil in energy markets following [[w:Economic impact of the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine#Impact on markets|Russia's 2022 invasion of Ukraine]]] and [now who might be] investing for [an electricity generation project with a] 10-year horizon which you have to do with gas they will [say], &quot;Let’s do it with renewables.&quot; And we’ve seen movements like that in the UK, where they’re pivoting towards [[w:Wind power|onshore wind]], which before the invasion was politically unviable because of the [[w:NIMBY|NIMBY factor]]. . . . [T]he pension funds and the actual asset owners . . . have a longer term of perspective. And they are actually driving the issue to their [[w:Category:Money managers|commercial managers who have to service them]] and they’re saying, &quot;Look, we want you to act on climate change,&quot; and that's a huge driver.
** Dylan Tanner, executive director of Influence Map (a London-based think tank &quot;that provides data and analysis on how business and finance are affecting the climate crisis&quot;), in an interview on the [[w:Climate One|Climate One podcast]] entitled [https://www.climateone.org/audio/big-money-investment-managers-driving-corporate-action &quot;Big Money: Investment Managers Driving Corporate Action&quot;.] (May 6, 2022)

* [A]s an [[w:Atmospheric science|atmospheric scientist]] and [[w:Environmental engineering|environmental engineer]], I focus most on [[w:Environmental technology|technologies]] — that’s what we think about most of what we need to be able to [[w:Renewable energy|clean up electricity]], what we need for [[w:Green vehicle|cleaner cars]]. But those aren’t going to [[w:Commercialization|make it to market]] and those aren’t going to [[w:Climate change mitigation|help cool the climate]] unless there are [[w:Climate change policy of the United States|policies that get those to be deployed domestically]]. And what we do domestically isn’t enough because [[w:List of countries by greenhouse gas emissions|we’re only 1/7th of the world’s emissions]], so we need diplomacy to take what we do here in the U.S. and make sure that that starts being applied in other parts of the world as well. . . . [A]s I was looking at the diplomacy [I noticed that what] the United States really gets right is being reciprocal . . . when we do something, we usually insist that [[w:List of the largest trading partners of the United States|our trading partners]] go along as well. You even hear in Congress talk about if we ever did have a [[w:Carbon tax|carbon tax]], being sure it got applied as [[w:Carbon tax#Border adjustments, tariffs and bans|tariffs on goods that got brought in]].
** [https://profiles.rice.edu/faculty/daniel-cohan Daniel S. Cohan,] professor of Civil and Environmental Engineering at Rice University, in an interview on the [[w:Marketplace (radio program)|''Marketplace Morning Report'' radio program]] entitled [https://www.marketplace.org/2022/05/30/a-3-pronged-approach-for-adopting-clean-power/ &quot;A 3-pronged approach for adopting clean power&quot;,] in which he discusses his book [https://books.google.com/books/about/Confronting_Climate_Gridlock.html?id=qC-PzgEACAAJ ''Confronting Climate Gridlock: How Diplomacy, Technology, and Policy Can Unlock a Clean Energy Future'' (March 29, 2022). Yale University Press.] ISBN 9780300251678. (May 30, 2022)

* [[w:Swanson's law|Solar has plunged by 90% in cost]]. [[w:Cost of electricity by source|Wind has plunged by 80% just in the past 11 or 12 years]]. . . . Things like [[w:Grid parity|wind and solar power really can already out-compete dirtier forms of electricity]], and [https://www.iea.org/news/renewable-electricity-growth-is-accelerating-faster-than-ever-worldwide-supporting-the-emergence-of-the-new-global-energy-economy we just need to build more of them quickly; we’re not adding them fast enough]. There are other technologies where we really need a big breakthrough. We don’t yet have affordable enough [[w:Heat pump|heat pumps]]. We don’t yet have a next generation [[w:Nuclear power|nuclear technology]] that’s cheap enough, if we ever will. [[w:Geothermal energy|Geothermal]] is really at the cusp of becoming something that I think could really take off. What I also see, though, is that what carries those cutting-edge technologies to the cheaper cost can’t just happen in the lab. [[w:Renewable energy commercialization#Public policy landscape|We need policies that pull those into the market]], that get them adopted more — because if we can [[w:Early adopter|adopt them while they’re at that edge; while they’re not quite cheap enough]], that can drive the [[w:Economies of scale|economies of scale]]; that can drive what technologists call [[w:Learning curve|learning by doing]].
** [https://profiles.rice.edu/faculty/daniel-cohan Daniel S. Cohan,] professor of Civil and Environmental Engineering at Rice University, in an interview on the [[w:Marketplace (radio program)|''Marketplace Morning Report'' radio program]] entitled [https://www.marketplace.org/2022/05/30/a-3-pronged-approach-for-adopting-clean-power/ &quot;A 3-pronged approach for adopting clean power&quot;,] in which he discusses his book [https://books.google.com/books/about/Confronting_Climate_Gridlock.html?id=qC-PzgEACAAJ ''Confronting Climate Gridlock: How Diplomacy, Technology, and Policy Can Unlock a Clean Energy Future'' (March 29, 2022). Yale University Press.] ISBN 9780300251678. (May 30, 2022)

==See also==
* [[Green New Deal]]
'''Wikipedia Articles''')
* [[w:List of renewable energy topics by country|List of renewable energy topics by country]]
* [[w: solar energy|Solar energy]]
* [[w:Sustainable energy|Sustainable energy]]
* [[w:Wave power|Wave power]]
* [[w:Wind power|Wind power]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary}}

[[Category:Climate change]]
[[Category:Energy]]
[[Category:Environmentalism]]
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      <text bytes="30441" xml:space="preserve">[[File:MichaelCrichton.jpg|thumb|right|I am certain there is too much [[certainty]] in the [[world]].]]
'''[[w:Michael Crichton|John Michael Crichton]]''' (pronounced [kraɪtən]) ([[23 October]] [[1942]] – [[4 November]] [[2008]]) was an American best-selling author, physician, producer, director and screenwriter, best known for his work in the science fiction, [[w:medical fiction|medical fiction]] and [[w:thriller (genre)|thriller]] genres. His books have sold over 200 million copies worldwide, and many have been adapted into films.
:See also:
::'''''[[The Andromeda Strain]]''''' (1969)
::'''''[[Travels (book)|Travels]]''''' (1988)
::'''''[[Jurassic Park (novel)|Jurassic Park]]''''' (1990)
::'''''[[The Lost World (Crichton novel)|The Lost World]]''''' (1995)

== Quotes ==
[[File:VY Canis Majoris.jpg|thumb|right|In the [[real]] [[world]], few of us holds these extreme views. There is instead a spectrum of [[opinion]]. … The extreme positions of the Crossfire Syndrome require extreme simplification — framing the [[debate]] in terms which ignore the real issues.]]
&lt;!-- [[File:Jurassic Park for kids in Kletno PL.jpg|thumb|right|]] --&gt;

* Carr was left with a ring, in the palm of his hand, a small gold circle, leading him nowhere.
** ''[[w:Scratch One|Scratch One]]'', written under the pseudonym John Lange (1967)

* They passed a farmhouse, a simple shack surrounded by animals — a lazy burro, clucking chickens, a litter of pigs. The farmhouse stood alone in the desolate landscape. There was no sign of a living person anywhere. And then it was gone, lost in the swirling dust plume of the car.
** ''[[w:Zero Cool|Zero Cool]]'', written under the pseudonym John Lange (1969)

* '''We are all assumed, these days, to reside at one extreme of the opinion spectrum, or another.''' We are pro-abortion or anti-abortion. We are free traders or protectionist. We are pro-private sector or pro-big government. We are feminists or chauvinists. '''But in the real world, few of us holds these extreme views. There is instead a spectrum of opinion.'''
** [http://www.crichton-official.com/speeches/speeches_quote02.html &quot;Mediasaurus: The decline of conventional media&quot;] - Speech at the National Press Club, Washington D.C. (7 April 1993)

* '''The extreme positions of the Crossfire Syndrome require extreme simplification — framing the debate in terms which ignore the real issues.'''
** &quot;Mediasaurus: The decline of conventional media&quot; - Speech at the National Press Club, Washington D.C. (7 April 1993)

* Let's be clear: all professions look bad in the movies. And there's a good reason for this. Movies don't portray career paths, they conscript interesting lifestyles to serve a plot. So lawyers are all unscrupulous and doctors are all uncaring. Psychiatrists are all crazy, and politicians are all corrupt. All cops are psychopaths, and all businessmen are crooks. Even moviemakers come off badly: directors are megalomaniacs, actors are spoiled brats. Since all occupations are portrayed negatively, why expect scientists to be treated differently?
** [http://www.crichton-official.com/speeches/speeches_quote01.html &quot;Ritual Abuse, Hot Air, and Missed Opportunities: Science Views Media&quot;] - Speech to the American Association for the Advancement of Science, Anaheim, California (25 January 1999)

* '''Science is the most exciting and sustained enterprise of discovery in the history of our species. It is the great adventure of our time.''' We live today in an era of discovery that far outshadows the discoveries of the New World five hundred years ago.
** &quot;Ritual Abuse, Hot Air, and Missed Opportunities: Science Views Media&quot; Speech to the American Association for the Advancement of Science, Anaheim, California (25 January 1999)

*Media carries with it a credibility that is totally undeserved. You have all experienced this. [...]&lt;br&gt;Briefly stated, the '''Gell-Mann Amnesia effect''' is as follows. You open the newspaper to an article on some subject you know well. [...] You read the article and see the journalist has absolutely no understanding of either the facts or the issues. [...] You read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. '''You turn the page, and forget what you know.'''&lt;br&gt;In ordinary life, if somebody consistently exaggerates or lies to you, you soon discount everything they say. [...] But when it comes to the media, we believe against evidence that it is probably worth our time to read other parts of the paper. [...] The only possible explanation for our behavior is amnesia.
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20190808123852/http://larvatus.com/michael-crichton-why-speculate/ &quot;Why Speculate?&quot;] (speech at the International Leadership Forum, La Jolla, California, 26 April 2002). Archived from the [http://larvatus.com/michael-crichton-why-speculate/ original] on 8 August 2019. Retrieved 3 May 2022.

* '''I want to mention in passing that punditry has undergone a subtle change over the years.''' In the old days, commentators such as [[w:Eric Sevareid|Eric Sevareid]] spent most of their time putting events in a context, giving a point of view about what had already happened. Telling what they thought was important or irrelevant in the events that had already taken place. This is of course a legitimate function of expertise in every area of human knowledge. &lt;br&gt; But over the years the punditic thrust has shifted away from discussing what has happened, to discussing what may happen. And here the pundits have no benefit of expertise at all. Worse, they may, like the Sunday politicians, attempt to advance one or another agenda by predicting its imminent arrival or demise. '''This is politicking, not predicting.'''
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20190808123852/http://larvatus.com/michael-crichton-why-speculate/ &quot;Why Speculate?&quot;] (speech at the International Leadership Forum, La Jolla, California, 26 April 2002). Archived from the [http://larvatus.com/michael-crichton-why-speculate/ original] on 8 August 8 2019. Retrieved 3 May 2022.

* Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. &lt;br&gt; '''Let's be clear: the work of science has nothing whatever to do with consensus. Consensus is the business of politics. Science, on the contrary, requires only one investigator who happens to be right, which means that he or she has results that are verifiable by reference to the real world. In science consensus is irrelevant. What is [[relevant]] is reproducible results.''' The greatest scientists in history are great precisely because they broke with the consensus. There is no such thing as consensus science. If it's consensus, it isn't science. If it's science, it isn't consensus. Period.
** [http://www.crichton-official.com/speeches/speeches_quote04.html &quot;Aliens Cause Global Warming&quot;] - A lecture at the California Institute of Technology (17 January 2003)

* '''Science is nothing more than a method of inquiry. The method says an assertion is valid — and merits universal acceptance — only if it can be independently verified.''' The impersonal rigor of the method means it is utterly apolitical. A truth in science is verifiable whether you are black or white, male or female, old or young. It's verifiable whether you like the results of a study, or you don't.
** Testimony before the US Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works (28 September 2005)

* '''I want to state emphatically that nothing in my remarks should be taken to imply that we can ignore our environment, or that we should not take climate change seriously.''' On the contrary, we must dramatically improve our record on environmental management. That is why a focused effort on climate science, aimed at securing sound, independently verified answers to policy questions, is so important now.
** Testimony before the US Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works (28 September 2005)

* Whatever I am doing, I wish I were doing one of the other things.
** '''[https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=96689392 Author Michael Crichton Dies Of Cancer]''' ()

===''[[w:Odds on|Odds On]]'' (1966)===
&lt;small&gt;''published under pen name John Lange''&lt;/small&gt;

*The cabbie laughed. &quot;All right, mister. A guy can tell when he's being kidded.&quot; Sometimes,&quot; Jencks said, &quot;but only sometimes.&lt;ref&gt;Odds On, page 16&lt;/ref&gt;

*Steve Jencks: The computer doesn't have any ideas. It only evaluates mine...

*You could not predict what would happen in a single instance, a single throw of the dice, a single pitch in the seventh inning, a single toss of the coin. But you could predict three out of five, four out of ten, seven out of sixteen, and to that extent chance governed everyone, all the time.  Just as surely as two equals two.

=== ''[[w:Easy Go|Easy Go]]'' (1967) ===
&lt;small&gt;''published under pen name John Lange''&lt;/small&gt;

* Egypt imbued the view with a heavy sense of mystery and foreboding.

* &quot;You want to know about the last tomb? [Conway] asked Pierce. &quot;I'll tell you.&quot; He tapped the white cranium.  &quot;That's the last tomb, man. Right there, and you're buried there all your life. You can't escape it.&quot;

* &quot;I would give anything to know what you thought at the moment you died,&quot; Pierce said. His voice echoed in the tomb. The flame went out.

=== ''[[w:A Case of Need|A Case of Need]]'' (1968) ===
&lt;small&gt;''published under pen name Jeffery Hudson'' &lt;/small&gt;

* In a sense that is a part of the training: surgeons are lonely men.

* I tried to tell which was Randall, but I could not; in their gowns and masks, they all looked the same, impersonal, interchangeable. That was not true of course. One of those four men had responsibility for everything, for the contact of all sixteen workers present. And responsibility for the seventeenth person in that room, the man whose heart was stopped.

* Being on the &quot;Hold&quot; is the technological equivalent of purgatory.

* Sanderson laughed. &quot;There's no problem,&quot; he said. &quot;Yet. I've got a pretty tough old neck. I can keep it stuck out a while longer.&quot;

* I smiled, remembering Art's line about doctors being illpolitical. He meant it the way you used words like illiterate. Art always said doctors not only held no political views, but also were incapable of them. &quot;It's like the military,&quot; he had once said. &quot;Political views are considered unprofessional.&quot;

* Leland Weston: &quot;Never take a position unless you are certain it can be defended any onslaught. That may sound like good advice to a general, but then, a courtroom is nothing more then a very civilized war.&quot;

* As I went down to my car, [Peter Randall] said, &quot;If you don't want to get involved I'll understand&quot; I looked back at him. &quot;You know damn well I'd have no choice.&quot; &quot;I didn't,&quot; he said. &quot;But I was hoping.&quot;

=== ''[[w:The_Lost_World_(Crichton_novel)|The Lost World]]'' (1995) ===
* &quot;What makes you think human beings are sentient and aware? There's no evidence for it. Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told-and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their 'beliefs.' The reason is that beliefs guide behavior which has evolutionary importance among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion. Next question.&quot;
**Prologue: &quot;Life at the Edge of Chaos&quot;

* &quot;In the conservative region far from the chaotic edge, individual elements coalesce slowly, showing no clear pattern.&quot; - Ian Malcolm
** First Configuration:

* &quot;Standing next to Arby, Kelly always felt awkward and gawky. Kelly had to wear her sister's old clothes, which her mother had bought from Kmart about a million years ago. She even had to wear Emily's old Reeboks, which were so scuffed and dirty that they never came clean, even after Kelly ran them through the washing machine. Kelly washed and ironed all her own clothes; her mother never had time. Her mother was never even home, most of the time. Kelly looked enviously at Arby's neatly pressed khakis, his polished penny loafers, and sighed. Still, even though she was jealous, Arby was her only real friend - the only person who thought it was okay that she was smart. Kelly worried that he'd be skipped to ninth grade, and she wouldn't see him any more.&quot;
**First Configuration: &quot;School&quot;

*’Because it means the end of innovation,’ Malcolm said. ‘This idea that the whole world is wired together is mass death. Every biologist knows that small groups in isolation evolve fastest. You put a thousand birds on an ocean island and they’ll evolve very fast. You put ten thousand on a big continent, and their evolution slows down. Now, for our own species, evolution occurs mostly through our behavior. We innovate new behavior to adapt. And everybody on earth knows that innovation only occurs in small groups.  Put three people on a committee and they may get something done. Ten people, and it get harder. Thirty people, and nothing happens. Thirty million, it becomes impossible. That’s the effect of mass media—it keeps anything from happening. Mass media swamps diversity. It makes every place the same… Regional differences vanish. All differences vanish. In a mass-media world, there’s less of everything except the top ten books, records, movies, ideas. People worry about losing species diversity in the rain forest. But what about intellectual diversity—our most necessary resource. That’s disappearing faster than trees. 
**Fifth Configuration: &quot;Malcolm&quot;

* &quot;A hundred years from now, people will look back on us and laugh.  They'll say, 'You know what people used to believe? They believed in photons and electrons.  Can you imagine anything so silly?' They'll have a good laugh, because by then there will be newer and better fantasies. And meanwhile, you feel the way the boat moves? That's the sea.  That's real.  You smell the salt in the air?  You feel the sunlight on your skin?  That's all real. You see all of us together? That's real.  Life is wonderful.  It's a gift to be alive, to see the sun and breathe the air.  And there isn't really anything else.&quot;
** Seventh Configuration &quot;Departure&quot;

=== ''[[w:Prey (novel)|Prey]]'' (2002) ===
* '''Things do not turn out the way you think they will.'''

* ''They didn't understand what they were doing.'' I'm afraid that will be on the tombstone of the human race. I hope it's not. We might get lucky.

* Julia's original email says, &quot;We have nothing to lose.&quot; But in the end they lost everything — their company, their lives, everything. And the ironic thing is, the procedure worked. The swarm actually solved the problem they had set for it.

=== Aliens Cause Global Warming (2003) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://stephenschneider.stanford.edu/Publications/PDF_Papers/Crichton2003.pdf Caltech Michelin Lecture (17 January 2003)]&lt;/small&gt;

* I want to pause here and talk about this notion of consensus, and the rise of what has been called consensus science. I regard consensus science as an extremely pernicious development that ought to be stopped cold in its tracks. Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled.

* Let’s be clear: the work of science has nothing whatever to do with consensus. Consensus is the business of politics. Science, on the contrary, requires only one investigator who happens to be right, which means that he or she has results that are verifiable by reference to the real world. In science consensus is irrelevant. What is relevant is reproducible results. The greatest scientists in history are great precisely because they broke with the consensus.

* The examples can be multiplied endlessly. Jenner and smallpox, Pasteur and germ theory. Saccharine, margarine, repressed memory, fiber and colon cancer, hormone replacement therapy. The list of consensus errors goes on and on.

* Finally, I would remind you to notice where the claim of consensus is invoked. Consensus is invoked only in situations where the science is not solid enough. Nobody says the consensus of scientists agrees that E=mc&lt;sup&gt;2&lt;/sup&gt;. Nobody says the consensus is that the sun is 93 million miles away. It would never occur to anyone to speak that way.

* Once you abandon strict adherence to what science tells us, once you start arranging the truth in a press conference, then anything is possible. In one context, maybe you will get some mobilization against nuclear war. But in another context, you get Lysenkoism. In another, you get Nazi euthanasia. The danger is always there, if you subvert science to political ends.

* As the twentieth century drew to a close, the connection between hard scientific fact and public policy became increasingly elastic. In part this was possible because of the complacency of the scientific profession; in part because of the lack of good science education among the public; in part, because of the rise of specialized advocacy groups which have been enormously effective in getting publicity and shaping policy; and in great part because of the decline of the media as an independent assessor of fact.

* To an outsider, the most significant innovation in the global warming controversy is the overt reliance that is being placed on models. Back in the days of nuclear winter, computer models were invoked to add weight to a conclusion: “These results are derived with the help of a computer model.” But now, large-scale computer models are seen as generating data in themselves. No longer are models judged by how well they reproduce data from the real world—increasingly, models provide the data. As if they were themselves a reality. And indeed they are, when we are projecting forward.

* This fascination with computer models is something I understand very well. Richard Feynmann called it a disease. I fear he is right.

* What is clear, however, is that on this issue [global warming], science and policy have become inextricably mixed to the point where it will be difficult, if not impossible, to separate them out.

* The fact is that the present structure of science is entrepreneurial, with individual investigative teams vying for funding from organizations that all too often have a clear stake in the outcome of the research—or appear to, which may be just as bad. This is not healthy for science.

* In recent years, much has been said about the post-modernist claims about science to the effect that science is just another form of raw power, tricked out in special claims for truth-seeking and objectivity that really have no basis in fact. Science, we are told, is no better than any other undertaking. These ideas anger many scientists, and they anger me. But recent events have made me wonder if they are correct.

=== Environmentalism as a Religion (2003) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.hawaiifreepress.com/ArticlesMain/tabid/56/ID/2818/Crichton-Environmentalism-is-a-religion.aspx Speech in San Francisco, California (15 September 2003)]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Robot Arm Over Earth with Sunburst - GPN-2000-001097.jpg|thumb|right| In the end, [[science]] offers us the only way out of [[politics]]. And if we allow science to become politicized, then we are lost. We will enter the [[Internet]] version of the [[dark ages]], an era of shifting [[fears]] and wild [[prejudices]], transmitted to [[people]] who don't know any better.]]

* '''We must daily decide whether the threats we face are real, whether the solutions we are offered will do any good, whether the problems we're told exist are in fact real problems, or non-problems. Every one of us has a sense of the world, and we all know that this sense is in part given to us by what other people and society tell us; in part generated by our emotional state, which we project outward; and in part by our genuine perceptions of reality. In short, our struggle to determine what is true is the struggle to decide which of our perceptions are genuine, and which are false because they are handed down, or sold to us, or generated by our own hopes and fears.'''

* In order not to be misunderstood, I want it perfectly clear that I believe it is incumbent on us to conduct our lives in a way that takes into account all the consequences of our actions, including the consequences to other people, and the consequences to the environment.

* I studied anthropology in college, and one of the things I learned was that certain human social structures always reappear. They can't be eliminated from society. One of those structures is religion. Today it is said we live in a secular society in which many people — the best people, the most enlightened people — do not believe in any religion. But '''I think that you cannot eliminate religion from the psyche of mankind. If you suppress it in one form, it merely re-emerges in another form. You can not believe in God, but you still have to believe in something that gives meaning to your life, and shapes your sense of the world. Such a belief is religious.'''

* Today, one of the most powerful religions in the Western World is environmentalism. &lt;br&gt; Environmentalism seems to be the religion of choice for urban atheists.

* Increasingly it seems facts aren't necessary, because the tenets of environmentalism are all about belief. It's about whether you are going to be a sinner, or saved. Whether you are going to be one of the people on the side of salvation, or on the side of doom. Whether you are going to be one of us, or one of them.

* There is no Eden. There never was. What was that Eden of the wonderful mythic past? Is it the time when infant mortality was 80%, when four children in five died of disease before the age of five? When one woman in six died in childbirth? When the average lifespan was 40, as it was in America a century ago? When plagues swept across the planet, killing millions in a stroke. Was it when millions starved to death? Is that when it was Eden?

* '''The romantic view of the natural world as a blissful Eden is only held by people who have no actual experience of nature.''' People who live in nature are not romantic about it at all. They may hold spiritual beliefs about the world around them, they may have a sense of the unity of nature or the aliveness of all things, but they still kill the animals and uproot the plants in order to eat, to live. '''If they don't, they will die.'''

* '''The truth is, almost nobody wants to experience real nature. What people want is to spend a week or two in a cabin in the woods, with screens on the windows. They want a simplified life for a while, without all their stuff. Or a nice river rafting trip for a few days, with somebody else doing the cooking. Nobody wants to go back to nature in any real way, and nobody does.''' It's all talk — and as the years go on, and the world population grows increasingly urban, it's uninformed talk. Farmers know what they're talking about. City people don't. It's all fantasy.

* '''The notion that the natural world obeys its own rules and doesn't give a damn about your expectations comes as a massive shock... it will demand that you adapt to it — and if you don't, you die.''' It is a harsh, powerful, and unforgiving world, that most urban westerners have never experienced.

* I can tell you that second hand smoke is not a health hazard to anyone and never was, and the EPA has always known it.

* '''Most of us have had some experience interacting with religious fundamentalists, and we understand that one of the problems with fundamentalists is that they have no perspective on themselves. They never recognize that their way of thinking is just one of many other possible ways of thinking, which may be equally useful or good.''' On the contrary, they believe their way is the right way, everyone else is wrong; they are in the business of salvation, and they want to help you to see things the right way. They want to help you be saved. They are totally rigid and totally uninterested in opposing points of view. '''In our modern complex world, fundamentalism is dangerous because of its rigidity and its imperviousness to other ideas.'''

* We need to get environmentalism out of the sphere of religion. We need to stop the mythic fantasies, and we need to stop the doomsday predictions. We need to start doing hard science instead.

* '''Environmentalism needs to be absolutely based in objective and verifiable science, it needs to be rational, and it needs to be flexible. And it needs to be apolitical. To mix environmental concerns with the frantic fantasies that people have about one political party or another is to miss the cold truth — that there is very little difference between the parties, except a difference in pandering rhetoric.''' The effort to promote effective legislation for the environment is not helped by thinking that the Democrats will save us and the Republicans won't. Political history is more complicated than that.

* The second reason to abandon environmental religion is more pressing. Religions think they know it all, but the unhappy truth of the environment is that we are dealing with incredibly complex, evolving systems, and we usually are not certain how best to proceed. '''Those who are certain are demonstrating their personality type, or their belief system, not the state of their knowledge.'''

* '''In the end, science offers us the only way out of politics. And if we allow science to become politicized, then we are lost. We will enter the Internet version of the dark ages, an era of shifting fears and wild prejudices, transmitted to people who don't know any better.'''

=== ''[[w:State of Fear|State of Fear]]'' (2004) ===

* Mere talk makes drama and spectacle unlikely — unless the talk becomes heated and excessive. So it becomes excessive. Not every show features the ''Crossfire''-style food-fight, but it is a tendency on all shows.

* '''Endless presentation of conflict may interfere with genuine issue resolution.''' There is evidence that the television food-fights not only don't represent the views of most people — who are not so polarized — but may tend to make resolution of actual disputes more difficult in the real world. At the very least, they obscure the recognition that we resolve disputes every day.

* I often think people are nervous, jittery in this media climate of ''what if, what if, maybe, perhaps, could be'' — when there is usually no sensible reason to feel nervous. &lt;br&gt; Like a bearded nut in robes on the sidewalk proclaiming the end of the world is near, the media is just doing what makes it feel good, not reporting hard facts. We need to start seeing the media as a bearded nut on the sidewalk, shouting out false fears. Its not sensible to listen to it.

* Every one of us has a sense of the world, and we all know that this sense is in part given to us by what other people and society tell us; in part generated by our emotional state, which we project outward; and in part by our genuine perceptions of reality. In short, our struggle to determine what is true is the struggle to decide which of our perceptions is genuine, and which are false because they are handed down, or sold to us, or generated by our own hopes and fears.

* I want to make it perfectly clear that I believe it is incumbent on us to conduct our lives in a way that takes into account ''all'' the consequences of our actions, including the consequences to other people, and the consequences to the environment. I believe it is essential to act in ways that are sympathetic to the environment, now and in the future. I believe that the world has genuine problems and I believe they must be addressed effectively. &lt;br&gt; But I also think that deciding what constitutes responsible action is immensely difficult, and I believe the consequences of our actions are often difficult to know in advance.

* '''I think that you cannot eliminate religion from the psyche of mankind.''' If you suppress it in one form, it merely emerges in another form. '''Even if you don't believe in God, you still have to believe in something that gives meaning to your life, and shapes your sense of the world. Such a belief is religious.'''

* '''I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.'''

==See also==
* ''[[The 13th Warrior]]''
* ''[[The Andromeda Strain (film)|The Andromeda Strain]]''
* ''[[Disclosure (film)|Disclosure]]''
* ''[[Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Park]]''
* ''[[Rising Sun (film)|Rising Sun]]''
* ''[[Twister]]''

==References==
{{reflist}}

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.michaelcrichton.com/ Michael Crichton's Official Homepage]
** [http://www.crichton-official.com/speeches/ Speeches]
*[https://archive.is/20121209104034/www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/fivelive_aod.shtml?5L_michaelcrichton ''BBC Five Live'' interview]
*[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000341/ Michael Crichton] at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Crichton, Michael}}
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[[Category:Screenwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Editors from the United States]]
[[Category:Cultural critics]]
[[Category:Social critics]]
[[Category:Critics from the United States]]
[[Category:Physicians from the United States]]
[[Category:1942 births]]
[[Category:2008 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Chicago]]
[[Category:People from New York (state)]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Back at the Barnyard</title>
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'''''[[w:Back at the Barnyard|Back at the Barnyard]]''''' is a Nickelodeon show that is a spin-off of the 2006 film ''[[Barnyard: The Original Party Animals|Barnyard]]''. The show, which debuted in 2007, includes pop culture references and parodies. 

{{tv-stub}}

== Theme Song Lines ==
:'''Farmer''': I'm just heading to the fields, Duke. I'll be back. ''[drives off]''
:'''Sheep''': Clear!
:'''Otis''': Alright!
:'''Pip''': Rat-a-bunga!
:'''Otis''': ''[while licking the strings of a guitar with his tongue]'' Ow, ow! OK, ow. ''[Pig yanks the strings free from his tongue]'' Ow!
:'''Snotty Boy''': Ha-ha! ''[shuts the door]''

== Season 1 ==
===''The Good, The Bad, and the Snotty'' / ''Escape from the Barnyard'' [1.1] ===
:'''Freddy''': He seems nice... or, wait, not nice. What's the word? It's on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yeah, dangerously insane!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddy''': Yay, I love kabobs!
:''[Everyone looks at him]''
:'''Freddy''': Sorry.
:'''Pig''': My work here is done
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Duke''': ''[whining and punching a post]'' No, I do not want to be eaten. I'm too young!
:'''Pip''': Dude, you're a dog. The farmer won't eat you.
:'''Duke''': What, you're saying I wouldn't go nice with some low-fat chips and a cherry cola?

=== ''Cowman &amp; Ratboy'' / ''A Cow's Best Friend'' [1.2] ===
:'''Otis''': Pip and I have this great idea. We totally want you guys to join us.
:'''Bessy''': Yeah, I'll do that right after never.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Otis''': With great cow power, there must also come great cow responsibility!

=== ''Chez Pig'' / ''The Right Cow'' [1.3] ===
:'''Duke''': ''[sticking paws into a hot pot]'' This is boiling water, isn't it?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Female Patron''': And I'd like a side salad.
:'''Bessy''': Yeah, well, I'd like a cruise to [[w:Barbados|Barbados]], but that's not happening either.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Otis, Pip and Pig meet a monkey named Bingo, who came from a rocket]''
:'''Bingo''': Oh, yeah. It's a rich full life. The name's Bingo, test chimp #657. Lemme get this straight. Uhh, there's no one around here but us animals?
:'''Otis''': Yep. The farmer is at his sister's house in [[w:Pacoima, Los Angeles|Pacoima]]. So just us.
:'''Bingo''': Sweet!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Moments later, Bingo finishes fixing the rocket]''
:'''Bingo''': What do you think, Otis? She's all repaired and ready to go.
:'''Pip''': Whoa, no way! Otis can't fly this thing, he can barely drive a stick.
:'''Otis''': Pip, relax. It's just a simulated flight. I mean, you know, Bingo wouldn't put his top test cow in any kind of danger.
:'''Bingo''': Simulated. Yeah, you took these words right out of my mouth.
:''[Bingo takes a control device from his spacesuit]''
:'''Bingo''': Oh, oh, oh, and by the way, one little thing. It's not!
:''[Bingo presses a button, trapping Otis and Pip inside the rocket]''
:'''Otis''': What? Hey, what's going on? We're trapped!
:'''Bingo''': That's right, cud boy, I'm sending you into orbit. Of course, there's no biggie for someone with your vast space experience.
:'''Pip''': Ground Control to Major Monkey. He lied!
:'''Otis''': We were nice to you! We said you could stay with us and some of us licked you! Why are you doing this?!
:'''Bingo''': Because I spent my whole life taking orders from humans! And I'm not about to start taking them from a cow! Any moo. 10, 9, other numbers, blast off!
:''[Bingo presses another button on the control device and the rocket lifts off, causing Otis and Pip to scream]''
:'''Bingo''': ''[hooting]'' That's the last time we're ever going to hear from Otis the Daring Space Cow.
:''[Abby and the others run over to him]''
:'''Abby''': Bingo, what's going on?
:'''Pig''': What happened to Otis and Pip?
:'''Bingo''': I sent your leader and his little-rat friend on a 1-way trip. You're all taking orders from me now.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In space, the rocket orbits above Earth]''
:'''Otis''': I can't believe I let that backstabbing monkey do this to us! ''[looks through the window]'' But still, it looks amazing up here.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bingo''': ''[after Otis and Pip landed the rocket]'' Good job, Otis, you passed the evaluation! ''[laughs]'' You know I was just testing you, wasn't I?
:'''Otis''': Really. You know, I got a little test for ''you''.
:''[Later]''
:'''Bingo''': ''[meeting his defeat]'' This isn't over, cow! I'll be back! You ought to wish you never had!
:''[Pip presses the button on the control device, and the rocket launches up]''
:'''Bingo''': Ugh! It smells like wet cow in here.

=== ''Saving Mrs. Beady'' / ''The Farmer Takes a Woman'' [1.4] ===
:''[All stuck in the chicken coop]''
:'''Pig''': Gotta say, not too crazy about the new digs.
:'''Otis''': I don't know. I kind of like it. It gives the chance to really know each other; like the various meats of a hoagie.

===''Hypno-A-Go-Go'' / ''Fowl Play'' [1.5] ===
:''[Otis watches a boxing film, eyes on the watch as he swings it left to right, and then hypnotizes himself]''
:'''Otis''': Oh, watch. It's just you and me. And I'm not letting you out of my sight. Why would I? I mean you're so round and pretty and shiny and... ''[hypnotized]'' ...wavy
:'''Boxing coach''': Now listen up kid. You got to do exactly what I say.
:'''Otis''': Do exactly what you say.
:'''Boxing coach''': You've got Farmer on the ropes. He's ready to fall. When you hear the bell, destroy Farmer.
:'''Otis''': When I hear the bell, destroy farmer. DESTROY FARMER!!! ''[falls to sleep]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Otis''': ''[writing personal advertisement for the Farmer]'' Let's see now ... Gloomy farmer seeking anyone with pulse. Hmm ... We should hot it up a little.
:'''Pip''': Write he's rich. The ladies love cheddar.
:'''Otis''': ''[writing]'' Rich farmer.
:'''Abby''': And he got to have muscles!
:'''Otis''': ''[writing]'' Rich, really bulky farmer.
:'''Pig''': Yes, but don't write farmer! Write ''[writing]'' exploding lion tamer.
:'''Abby''': Even more bulky! And write that he has a pony! ''[writing]'' Has a pony...
:'''Otis''': Okay, I will read it to you. Reflag 7-star number sign glare... Man, I wish we had fingers!
:'''Pip''': I can do it.  ''[jumps on the keyboard]'' There, what do you think?
:'''Otis''': ''[reading]'' Wealthy, agricultural mogul with body of a Tetanic god wants to share his heart with you.
:''[Everybody likes it]''

=== ''The Big Barnyard Broadcast'' / ''Dead Cow Walking'' [1.9] ===
:'''Otis''': Guess I'm first. Check it out guys, won't even break a sweat.
:'''Pip''': There goes one brave cow.
:'''Dr. Glove''': Oh, aren't you a big sweetie! Okay honey, I'm just going to do a little looky-loo, yeah, that's all. ''[snaps glove suggestively]'' Mm-hm. 
:'''Otis''': Moo? ''[Otis wails in pain as animals watch on in horror]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Bessie''': ''[sighs]'' I'm glad your not dead.
:'''Duke''': And we aren't leaving your side until you get better pal. ''[someone honks a car horn]''
:'''Pip''': Dr. Glove is back! ''[the animals scatter]''
:'''Dr. Glove''': Hey, sweetie, how's my big sweetie, okay! I'm just going to do a little check poo! ''[snaps glove suggestively]''
:'''Otis''': Moo? ''[begins screaming hysterically off camera]''

=== ''A Tale of 2 Snottys'' / ''Snotty's New Pet'' [1.13] ===
:''[Snotty's been eaten by his pet snake]''
:'''Dr. Glove''': Okay, yeah, interesting. You're inside a snake, aren't you, yeah, you're deep in there. Okay, this might be very painful. ''[pulls on Snotty's legs]''
:'''Snotty Boy''': ''[screams in agony]''
:'''Dr Glove''': Ah-ah-ah. Just a few more hours.

=== ''Brave Udders'' / ''Otis's 11'' [1.17] ===
:'''Badger''': Mail call! ''[tosses some letters to Otis]''
:'''Otis''': Thanks, Badger! ''[looks through the mail]'' Man, I feel great! I mean, nothing, but nothing, could ruin a wonderful day like this.
:''[Otis spots one letter then screams as a thunderstorm appears behind him]''
:'''Otis''': Krauser Krebs?! It can't be!
:''[Otis takes out a note and reads it]''
:'''Otis''': &quot;Hey, Beef Boy.&quot;
:'''Krauser Krebs''': ''[voiceover]'' &quot;Long time, no see. Get ready! I'll be coming for you at 10 A.M. tomorrow!&quot; ''[echoes]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pip''': Dude, for the last time, what's bugging you?
:'''Otis''': Ugh, fine! I got a letter today from Krauser Krebs.
:'''Pig''': Krauser Krebs?! I've never heard of him.
:'''Otis''': You've never heard of him? Check out this flashback.
:''[A flashback shows Otis as a calf wearing a propeller hat]''
:'''Otis''': ''[voiceover]'' Not a day would go by when I wasn't bullied by Krebs.
:'''Young Otis''': ''[singing]'' ''La-la-la-la-la!''&lt;br&gt;''Someday my head will fit my body''
:''[Suddenly, Krebs's shadow looms over him]''
:'''Krebs''': ''[voiceover]'' Well, well, well! If it isn't Beef Boy?! Time to take a stroll down the meat isle! ''[punches Otis from offscreen]'' T-Bone! Rump roast! Filet! Sirloin! Ha! Now let's see what we got in the dairy section!
:'''Young Otis''': No, no, not the dairy section!
:'''Krebs''': 2%! 1%! Half and half! Haha! Why are you squirting yourself?! Stop squirting yourself! Clean up on isle 3! ''[laughs]'' See you tomorrow, Beef Boy! ''[walks off]''
:'''Young Otis''': Clean up on isle 3. Clean up on isle 3.
:''[Back in reality]''
:'''Otis''': Clean up on isle 3. Clean up on isle 3. ''[sighs]'' Krebs found me and he's coming for me at 10 A.M. tomorrow!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Pig looks at a watch]''
:'''Pig''': It's almost 10. Krebs will be here any minute.
:'''Otis''': And I'm so ready!
:''[The others cheer]''
:'''Otis''': Yeah, I got my bags all packed and my flight leaves in 2 hours.
:'''Krebs''': ''[voiceover]'' Yo, Beef Boy!
:'''Otis''': Ahh, too late! Hide me!
:''[As Otis hides behind Abby, Krebs comes closer, and his shadow becomes small revealing that he is really… a duck?]''
:'''Krebs''': ''[quacks twice]''
:''[The other animals are confused]''
:'''Abby''': Hang on a minute. Where's Krebs?
:'''Otis''': What do you mean &quot;where's Krebs&quot;? He's standing right there.
:'''Peck''': Right where?
:'''Otis''': ''There''!
:'''Pig''': You mean, uh, behind the duck?
:'''Goat''': Otis? No, I haven't seen him.
:'''Otis''': No, not behind the duck, Krebs ''is'' the duck!
:''[The others look at Otis, gaze at Krebs for a moment, then laugh]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peck and Freddy approach Krebs]''
:'''Freddy''': We heard you're looking for Otis.
:'''Krebs''': Hey, you know Otis?
:'''Peck''': Oh, yeah. And if you want him, you've got to go through us.
:'''Krebs''': Hey, look, I don't want any…
:'''Freddy''': Stupid duck says what?
:'''Krebs''': What?
:'''Peck''': Stupid duck says what?
:'''Krebs''': What?!
:''[Peck and Freddy laugh]''
:'''Peck''': You're in for it now, beak-face. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because we were the barnyard's champion taunters. 6 years running!
:'''Krebs''': Look, look, guys, I just want to talk to Otis. You see, I recently--
:'''Freddy''': We know you are, but what are ''we''?
:'''Peck''': Nice!
:''[Peck and Freddy laugh again, then high-five each other]''
:'''Krebs''': I'm warning you. Cut it out!
:''[The duo make goofy sounds, taunting Krebs]''
:''[Krebs's head throbs and his eyes bulge up, turning bloodshot]''
:'''Krebs''': ''[blabbering, roaring]''
:''[Krebs spins into a fight cloud]''
:'''Peck''': Hey, Fred, are you--?
:'''Freddy''': Run away!
:''[Peck and Freddy try to run away from the fight cloud, but Krebs yanks them in, beating them up]''
:'''Freddy''': ''[poking out]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Mommy!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Abby''': ''[gasps]''
:''[Peck and Freddy are thrown into the barn doors]''
:'''Pip''': Holy beatdown!
:'''Duke''': He can't do that to our friends! Come on, fellas! ''[charges toward Krebs with Pig and Pip at his side]''
:'''Otis''': No, don't! He'll turn you into pieces while enumerating the parts of your body in an assaulting fashion!
:''[The trio leap and begin to attack Krebs, but are caught in the fight cloud]''
:'''Narrator''': ''230 minutes later…''
:''[Krebs continues beating up Pig, Pip and Duke]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a clip called &quot;Ask Dr. Pig&quot;]''
:'''Pig''': Hello, I'm Dr. Pig, and I'm here with the word about bullying. Bullying is a misdirected attempt at attention rooted in anger and frustration.
:''[Suddenly, Krebs bursts through the wall]''
:'''Krebs''': Roar! ''[starts beating up Pig]''
:'''Pig''': Ow! Hey, I'm a doctor! There's only one thing! Help! ''[Krebs throws him, leaving a hole-shape of himself in the wall of the barn]'' Whoa! Oof!
:'''Krebs''': Here's Krebsy!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Otis''': ''[as he watches Krebs beat up Abby]'' Oh, no, not Abby! Now he's gone too far!
:'''Krebs''': ''[after finishing Abby off]'' I'll ask one more time. Where's Otis?!
:'''Otis''': I'm right here, Krebs, and you're done pushing my friends around!
:'''Krebs''': Otis! Finally! Listen, I just want--
:'''Otis''': Have at you! ''[beats up Krebs]'' Duck sauce! Spicy wings! Crispy meat roll! Duck Gallarate! ''[belly flops on top of him]''
:'''Pip''': Otis, you did it!
:''[The others cheer for him]''
:'''Otis''': I did it! I faced my fear!
:''[Suddenly, Krebs lifts him up off of himself]''
:'''Otis''': It's like I feel a foot taller.
:''[Krebs spins Otis and throws him against the barn]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Krebs goes to do something to Otis]''
:'''Krebs''': ''[lifting his fist for a moment, then holds his wing out to Otis]'' Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?
:'''Otis''': ''[looking confused]'' Huh? What do you mean? ''[as Krebs helps him up]'' Aren't you going to pound me into a pulp and use my ego as a chew toy?
:'''Krebs''': No! Otis, I came here to apologize for being a jerk to you as a kid.

=== ''Doggelganger'' / ''Save the Clams'' [1.22] ===
:''[Duke has been replaced with an imposter named Baxter at the vet]''
:'''Dr. Glove''': OK, Baxter, it's doggy-doctor time! Who loves his doggy-doctor? You do, yes you do, yes you do!
:'''Duke''': [mumbled protestation]
:'''Dr. Glove''': Aw, don't be scared boy, this won't hurt at all. [reads &quot;Duke's&quot; chart] Oh, deep de-worming. I was wrong. [starts up a giant machine] This is gonna hurt! Yes it is, yes it is!
:''[Duke recoils in terror]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Dr. Glove''': Aw, relax, Baxter, the worst is over, yes, it is, yes, it is! ''[takes off safety goggles and reads the chart again]'' Oops, I'm wrong. Says here I have to flush out your brain hole. ''[picks up a large syringe-like device]'' Who's got a dirty brain. Baxter does, yes, he does!
:''[Duke is mortified]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Duke''': Hang in there, Duke. You've been poked, drilled, humiliated, but there's nothing they can do to break you. Nothing!
:'''Dr. Glove''': ''[returns with a bucket of leeches]'' OK, Baxter, time for your butt-leeching. Who's going to his butt leeched? Baxter is, yes, he is!
:'''Duke''': OK, that's it! ''[knocks leeches into Glove's face and runs away]''
:'''Dr. Glove''': Oh, the leeches are on my face. ''[stumbles into wall]'' Who's draining my face blood? ''[hits head on examination lamp]'' You are, yes you are! ''[collapses from blood loss/head trauma]''

=== ''Barnyard Idol'' ===
:'''Peck''': Why, it sounds like a heavenly angel.
:'''Freddy''': Or a bewitching sorceress luring us to our doom.
:'''Otis''': Hey, maybe the angel and the sorceress had a kid... a...
:'''Freddy''': You mean a sorcer-angel?
:'''Otis''': No, more like an angel-ress.

== Season 2 ==
=== ''Endangered Liaisons'' ===
:''[Inga, a real spotted ferret from Sweden, jumps out of a box]''
:'''Inga''': ''[Swedish accent]'' Hello! I'm Inga. It's nice to meet you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the farmer's house, Abby uses a Spotted Ferrets website with an image of Inga on a computer]''
:'''Abby''': OK, here's a Spotted Ferrets website.
:'''Otis''': Awesome! What does it say?
:'''Abby''': Let's see. It says on her wedding day, the lady spotted ferret builds a commitment den.
:'''All''': Aww.
:'''Abby''': Then the male gussy himself up for the ceremonial courtship dance.
:'''All''': Aww.
:'''Abby''': And following the dance, she eats her mate's head.
:'''Otis''': Uhh…
:'''Pig''': OK, what are we going to get them?
:'''Otis''': Holy Cud! She's gonna eat Freddy's head!
:'''Pig''': Huh. So I guess the hat is off.
:'''Peck''': No wonder she's the only spotted ferret left! She's a head eater!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the commitment den, Freddy, who is a fake spotted ferret, faces Inga]''
:'''Freddy''': ''[to Inga; sliding a ring on her index finger]'' With this ring, I pledge my love.
:'''Inga''': ''[to Freddy; holding a bottle of barbecue sauce]'' With this barbecue, I pledge ''my'' love.
:''[Inga pours the sauce on Freddy]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddy''': ''[after Abby uses the spot remover to spray off the fake spots]'' Are we married yet?
:'''Inga''': ''[looking suprised]'' Huh?
:''[From off-screen, Inga spits out his head; tumbling Freddy onto the side of the hole]''
:'''Inga''': Freddy, you're not a spotted ferret! You lied to me!
:'''Freddy''': Inga, I can explain.
:''[Inga packs up]''
:'''Inga''': No! The wedding is off! And to think, I almost ate your head! ''[sobs]''

=== ''A Man's Best Fiend'' ===
:''[After Otis had a plan to let the farmer get a new friend for Duke]''
:'''Farmer''': Meet your new pal, Duke. You boys have fun.
:'''Duke''': Hey, how you doing, fella? I'm Duke. Come on out, and say &quot;hi&quot;.
:''[Admits the darkness in the cage, a figure peeks out]''
:''[Duke pants patiently as the figure steps out of the cage revealing his archenemy, Baxter]''
:'''Baxter''': Well, Duncan, we meet again.
:'''Duke''': Huh? ''[girly scream]''
:'''Otis''': ''[rapidly]'' Oh, no! Guys, it's Baxter! You remember Baxter! Baxter was that awful mutt who switched places with Duke at the vet, then tried to steal his life here at the barnyard!
:'''Abby''': Otis, we know. It was just a couple weeks ago.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The farmer stares disappointed at Duke after Baxter blamed him]''
:'''Farmer''': You're not the dog I thought you were, Duke. From now on, you stay in the barn. ''[shuts the door in Duke's face]''
:'''Otis''': Duke, what happened?
:'''Duke''': That little mutt, Baxter, framed me so he can have the house to himself.
:'''Abby''': What?!
:'''Pig''': He did what to who?
:'''Freddy''': No way!
:'''Baxter''': Actually, it's true. I played you like a cheap squeak toy, and there's nothing you can do about it.
:'''Otis''': Nothing? Really? Oh, I don't know. I'm sure if we put our heads together, but '''''get him!!'''''
:'''Baxter''': Ah!
:'''Abby''': Yeah! Get him!
:'''Pip''': There he is! Get him! Come on, the farmer's out!
:'''Freddy''': Don't let him get away!
:'''Baxter''': ''[as Otis and the others chase him]'' Oh, yes! Chase me! I love chase! This is much fun than I love ball! Oh, wait. That's right, I ''hate'' ball.
:''[Baxter barks as he runs to the farmer and jumps into his arms]''
:''[Otis and the others stop, then stand on four legs. Pip remains standing on Pig's head while Freddy puts his hands on the ground and so does Peck with his wings]''
:'''Farmer''': Bad animals! Chasing a poor innocent puppy, shame on you!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duke''': ''[after calling Baxter on the phone]'' I'll show Baxter! I don't need the farmer, I got all the friends I need right here. So, uh, who wants to deworm me?
:''[Otis and the others are confused]''
:'''Otis''': Barn meeting! Guys, we can't let Baxter get away with this. We need to get him out of that house, and Duke back in, for all our sakes.
:'''Duke''': But, Otis, Baxter set me up good, and the farmer will never take me back.
:'''Otis''': I think he would, if you save him from a man-eating bear!
:'''Freddy''': Ooh, I like where this is going!
:'''Duke''': Well, I don't.
:'''Otis''': Relax, it won't be a real bear, it'll be me in a bear costume. Now, the farmer takes Baxter out every afternoon for his walk…
:'''Freddy''': Oh, I love that plan!
:'''Otis''': I haven't said it yet.
:'''Freddy''': Now I'm confused.
:''[Daytime, the farmer takes Baxter out for a walk]''
:'''Farmer''': OK, Baxter, you lead the way.
:'''Baxter''': ''[barking]''
:'''Farmer''': ''[chuckles]'' What a cute little dickens.
:''[Suddenly, a real bear jumps out from behind a tree! Baxter screams]''
:'''Farmer''': A bear! Get him, boy, get him!
:''[Baxter circles around the farmer then pushes him toward the bear]''
:'''Farmer''': Huh? What? Don't! Stop! What are you doing? Bad dog! No!
:''[Duke watches them through binoculars]''
:'''Duke''': Look at Otis, what a ham. Well, I guess it's show time.
:''[Duke charges toward the bear, thinking it's Otis in a bear costume. The bear looks around as Duke kicks his leg, double kicks his back, bites his rear end, and Kung Fu kicks his face. Being knocked out, the bear stops near the farmer's feet]''
:'''Farmer''': ''[looking stunned]'' Duke, you saved my life! I never should've kicked you out, boy. Can you forgive me? ''[pets Duke's head]''
:'''Baxter''': ''[barking, whining]''
:'''Farmer''': And as for ''you''! Throwing me into a bear. Bad dog! You're going back to the shelter to find a new home.
:'''Baxter''': This isn't over, Denwood, I'll be back. You'll see! And then, we'll--
:''[From offscreen, the farmer yanks Baxter away]''
:'''Duke''': They're gone, Otis. You can get up now. Otis?
:''[Otis, in a bear costume, approaches]''
:'''Otis''': Roar! Roar! Roar! Roar! Roar!
:''[He takes off the mask]''
:'''Otis''': Oh, hey, Duke. Where's the farmer?
:'''Duke''': He just took Baxter back to--
:''[Duke looks confused]''
:'''Duke''': Hold up. If you're there, then who's that?
:'''Bear''': Round 2, sheepdog!
:'''Duke''': Wait, uh, I can explain. You see, that other dog stole my identity in the previous episode, and recently returned to try it again.

==== ''Professor Exposition'' ====
:'''Otis''': ''[voiceover; singing]'' ''Professor Exposition, explainer of things!''&lt;br&gt;''He's clarifying power points to explain away confusion!''

=== ''Puppy Love'' ===
:''[Duke's sister, Stamps, arrives at the barnyard]''
:'''Stamps''': ''[British accent]'' Hey, Dukey!
:'''Duke''': Stamps!
:'''Stamps''': How you doing?!
:'''Duke''': Come here, sis! ''[hugs her]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duke''': Stamps, these are my friends, Otis, Abby, Pig, Pip,
:'''Pip''': What's up?
:'''Duke''': Peck,
:'''Peck''': Hi there!
:'''Duke''': and Freddy.
:'''Freddy''': ''[muffles &quot;hello&quot; with an arrowed plunger on his face]''
:'''Stamps''': It's nice to meet you. I can't stay long, Dukey. We just want to stop by and get your blessing, then it's off to [[w:Las Vegas|Vegas]] for the wedding.
:'''Otis''': Vegas? That's practically in [[w:Asia|Asia]]. Why don't you guys just get married here at the barnyard?
:'''Stamps''': Oh, we wouldn't want to be a bother.
:'''Abby''': Oh, it's no bother. The farmer is away for the whole week at Fire Dance Camp.
:''[At Fire Dance Camp, the farmer, wearing a grass skirt, fire dances]''
:'''Stamps''': In that case, we ''loved'' to get married here!
:''[Otis and the others are excited]''
:'''Duke''': So, Stamps, where's my future bro-in-law anyway?
:'''Stamps''': Right behind me with the bags. Here he comes now.
:''[A figure, with its legs seen, carries three bags]''
:'''Duke''': Look at him, carrying your bags all gentlemanly. I like this guy already.
:'''Male voice''': Thanks, Darren.
:''[The figure drops the bags revealing that it's really Baxter!]''
:'''Baxter''': I like you, too.
:''[As Otis and the others gasp in shock, Freddy pulls the arrowed plunger off of his face]''
:'''Duke''': Baxter?!
:'''Baxter''': That's right. Your sister and I are getting hitched.
:'''Duke''': Whoa, whoa! ''[pushes his nemesis aside]'' Stamps, you can't marry this guy! He's a total conman!
:'''Otis''': Yeah, he stole Duke's identity and try to get him kicked out of the barnyard!
:'''Abby''': And then he tricked the farmer into adopting him and got Duke kicked out of the house!
:'''Pig''': And once he cut off a guy's hand and expelled him from the Jedi Council!
:'''Pip''': Dude, that was a movie.
:'''Pig''': I like movies.
:''[A flashback shows Pig, disguise as a boy, watching a horror movie in a movie theater]''
:'''Pig''': Don't go in there, the monster's in there! Don't do it, old friend! You believe this? It's like she's not even listening. ''[answers the phone]'' Hey, I'm at the movies. Alice just went into the room where Dracula is waiting. Well, of course, I've warned her!
:''[Back in reality]''
:'''Duke''': I'm telling you. This guy is trouble.
:'''Stamps''': Dukey, it's OK. Baxter has told me all about his past, but he's different now.
:'''Baxter''': That's right, Dakron, your sister's love has made me a new dog.
:'''Stamps''': Will you please give us your blessing, Dukey? ''[looks at her brother with puppy dog eyes]'' '''''Please'''''??
:'''Duke''': Oh, geez, with the puppy dog eyes? Alright, but I'll be watching you, buddy.
:'''Stamps''': Thanks, Dukey! Ain't that wonderful, honey?
:'''Baxter''': It sure is, Cuddle-wuggles. Give me some sugar.
:''[As Stamps and Baxter rub their noses together, Duke growls angrily while he bares his teeth]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Otis''': ''[shouting into Duke's ear, causing his brain to poke out of his head]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''Baxter is marrying your sister so he can kick your family's various buckets and get your fortune!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Duke''': What?! ''[as he puts his brain back in his head]'' Why, that skivvy little mutt!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stamps''': ''[after Duke tricked Baxter]'' I heard the whole thing, Baxter! You lying, no-good, flimflamming...!
:'''Baxter''': But, Stimpy, I can explain!
:'''Duke''': You're busted, Baxter. Have fun on your honeymoon.
:''[Duke puts him in a cage on a catapult]''
:'''Baxter''': Wait, Derek! You can't do this! I'm your husband!
:''[Duke launches Baxter away]''
:'''Baxter''': ''[last words]'' I love you!

== Cast ==
* '''[[w:Chris Hardwick|Chris Hardwick]]''' — Otis, Sheep #1, Boil, Narrator, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Jeffrey Garcia|Jeff Garcia]]''' — Pip, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Leigh-Allyn Baker|Leigh Allyn Baker]]''' — Abby, Sheep #4, Etta, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Tino Insana|Tino Insana]]''' — Pig
* '''[[w:Cam Clarke|Cameron A. Clarke]]''' — Freddy Ferret, Sheep #2, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]]''' — Peck, Pizza Twin #1, Bernard &quot;Phlegmy Boy&quot; Beady, Mail Badger, Skunky, Sheep #5, Tony Twocheeks, Joey, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Dom Irrera|Dom Irrera]]''' — Duke
* '''[[w:Wanda Sykes|Wanda Sykes]]''' — Bessy
* '''[[Maria Bamford]]''' — Nora Beady, Jessica Allspice, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Steve Oedekerk|Steve Oedekerk]]''' — Nathan Randall Beady the Third, Eugene &quot;Snotty Boy&quot; Goldner, Pizza Twin #2, Mr. Goldner
* '''[[w:Fred Tatasciore|Fred Tatasciore]]''' — Farmer Buyer, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Maile Flanagan|Maile Flanagan]]''' — Macy, Sheep
* '''[[w:S. Scott Bullock|Scott Bullock]]''' — Eddy, Various Characters
* '''[[John DiMaggio]]''' — Bud, Officer O'Hanlon, Hilly Burford, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Maurice LaMarche|Maurice LaMarche]]''' — Igg, Crows #1 and #2, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Earthquake (comedian)|Nathaniel Stroman]]''' — Root
* '''[[w:Thomas F. Wilson|Tom Wilson]]''' — Krauser Krebs
* '''[[w:Nika Futterman|Nika Futterman]]''' — Stamps
* '''[[Dee Bradley Baker]]''' — Bigfoot, Schmoozy, Plucky, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Kevin McDonald|Kevin McDonald]]''' — Baxter, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]]''' — Captain Tom, Chef Big Bones, Polar Bear, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Tom Kane|Tom Kane]]''' — Herb Ferret
* '''[[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]]''' — Margaret Ferret
* '''[[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Glen Bennett]]''' — Sheep #3, Stupid McStinky Head the Snake, Mayor, Crow #3, Eddie, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Lloyd Sherr|Max Raphael]]''' — Everett, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Mark DeCarlo|Mark DeCarlo]]''' — Bingo (Test Chimp #657), Chubs Malone, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey Griffin]]''' — Inga, Flying Juanita, Hanna, Hen #2, Veronica, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Daran Norris|Daran Norris]]''' — Alien Leader, Butterfly
* '''[[w:Billy West|Billy West]]''' — Dr. Furtwangler, The Wise One, Kobe Cow #2, Archie, Hyena
* '''Val Pappas''' — Ivana
* '''[[w:Nolan North|Nolan North]]''' — Stumpity Joe
* '''[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin M. Richardson]]''' — Bling, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Jim Meskimen|Jim Meskimen]]''' — Goraldo
* '''[[w:Audrey Wasilewski|Audrey Wasilewski]]''' — Dr. Betty, Stage Hand, Vet #1
* '''[[w:John Kassir|John Kassir]]''' — Winky
* '''[[Tom Kenny]]''' — Various Characters, Don, Nebraska Schwartz, Dr. Matt, Cave Cow
* '''[[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]]''' — Aunt Gertie, Mother Beady
* '''[[w:Megan Cavanagh|Megan Cavanagh]]''' — Brunhilda
* '''[[w:James Sie|James Sie]]''' — Kobe Cows #1 and #3
* '''[[w:Julia Sweeney|Julia Sweeney]]''' — Vet #2 (Dr. Glove)
* '''[[w:Jim Ward (voice actor)|James Kevin Ward]]''' — Judge #3
* '''[[w:Susan Silo|Susan Silo]]''' — Aunt Suki, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]]''' — Sheila, Various Characters
* '''[[w:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]]''' — The Barn Buddy
* '''[[&quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic|&quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic — Himself]]'''
* '''[[w:Bobcat Goldthwait|Bobcat Goldthwait]]''' — Hockey Mask Bob

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:TV shows about cows]]</text>
      <sha1>lhtril9yib6kdtzr2fj1yv2l6t1pim4</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Wolverine and the X-Men (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>103917</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146242</id>
      <parentid>3138503</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T11:24:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2001:D08:1839:A2D9:49:F1E1:7056:E0A4</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Hindsight, Part 2 */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="28519" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Wolverine and the X-Men (TV series)|Wolverine and the X-Men]]''''' is an American animated television series about the Marvel Comics superhero team '''[[X-Men]]'''. For quotes from other X-men series, see &quot;See Also&quot; at the bottom of the page.

==Season One==
===Hindsight, Part 1===
:'''Kitty/Colossus''': (are running a course in the Danger Room)
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Kitty]]''': ''[To Piotr, who's trapped by two metal walls].'' Admit it, Peter. You're being schooled by a girl. (a mechanical arm sneaks up and wraps around her arms) Whoa!
:'''[[w:Colossus (comics)|Piotr]]''': ''[After Kitty gets captured by a mechanical arm].'' Well, well. Look's like school is out. (laughs as Kitty struggles)
:'''Kurt''': (teleports through a bunch of shots then looks up to Kitty's cries for help)
:'''Kitty''': ''[Trapped by a mechanical arm].'' Somebody get me down!
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Kurt]]''': ''[Teleporting near her].'' Why don't you just phase through it?
:'''Kitty''': And fall on my face? No thanks. Now come on and help me out.
:'''Kurt''': You're an X-man. Do it yourself. ''[Teleports away].''
:'''Kitty''': Kurt! (sighs) Argh. (struggles then looks at her best friend expectantly) Peter!  
:'''Piotr''': (grins till he feel himself get lifted by a large magnet) Uh oh, this is not so good. (as the Magnet is placed next to a stuck Kitty) Hello, Kitty!
:'''Kitty''': ''[Groans].'' Great! (meaning she wanted him to held her down) You're a lot of help.
:'''Kurt''': (sitting near a cylider) Five more seconds and I win! (he gets stuck to the ceiling by glue then loads of automatic weapons cock ready to fire)
:'''Kitty''': Uh... what just happened?
:'''Piotr''': (glares at Logan) ''He'' happened.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Beast (comics)|Hank]]''': What about you, Logan? You're not the type to ''pop in'' for no reason.
:'''Logan''': It's those ''freaking'' Mardees. They're out of control, Hank.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hank''': Those cells we emptied... they'll be full again tomorrow. And the next day.
:'''Logan''': Yeah... Hank, we both know what's going on. There's a war coming. And it ain't gonna be pretty.
:'''Hank''': I agree. So, what's next?
:'''Logan''': ...We bring back the X-Men.

===Hindsight, Part 2===
:'''[[w:Quicksilver (comics)|Pietro]]''': Give Senator Kelly a message from the Brotherhood: There's no stopping the mutants. We're coming for ''him'' next.

----
:'''Scott:''' Don't go there, Logan.
:'''Wolverine:''' So without Jean there's no one worth fighting for. So much for the big hero. When the goin' gets rough, the tough pack it in.

----
:'''Rogue''': Don't compare yourself to me. You're a ''criminal.'' You're making it hard for all of us.
:'''Domino''': It was hard long before we got involved. We're not the ones who picked this fight, Rogue. We're just standing up for ourselves, and for those who can't fight back.
:'''Rogue''': By terrorizing the city?
:'''Domino''': By ''refusing'' to back down. Rogue, don't you ever get tired of being bullied? Of being hated just because you're different? And now they want us to ''register.'' Come on, what's next, locking us up? It's time we stop being victims. It's time we ''unite.'' Rogue, you feel the same way, I know you do.

----
:'''Domino''': We're not the X-Men. We don't ''abandon'' our own. And if you doubt that, just look at Toad.

----
:'''Logan''': ''[To Scott]'' So without Jean, there's no one worth fighting for. Huh, so much for the big hero. When the going gets tough, the tough pack it in. Is that it? Huh?
:''[Cyclops blasts Logan out of his apartment through a wall.]''
:'''Logan''': Good talk.

----
:'''Warren''': Logan, what happened today... You tried to save a man who hates you. That is ''exactly'' what Charles Xavier would've done.

----
:''[Bobby's house.]''
:'''Hank''': Bobby is eighteen after all. Legally, he can decide for himself.
:'''Bobby's mother''': You are not getting our son back! We will not let him leave this house!
:'''Bobby's father''': You guys nearly got him killed last year.
:'''Hank''': But&amp;ndash;
:'''Bobby''': ''[Comes down the stairs]'' This isn't fair! I wanna go with them!
:'''Bobby's mother''': Bobby, wait for us upstairs.
:'''Hank''': Mr. and Mrs. Drake, please. Just talk to him about it.
:'''Bobby's mother''': I've already called the police. They're on their way.
:''[Bobby's father slams the door in Hank's face.]''
:'''Logan''': Okay, we tried it your way. ''[Kicks open the door, to Bobby]'' You comin' or what?
:''[Excited, Bobby runs out of the house.]''
:'''Logan''': ''[To Bobby's parents]'' Your son's a mutant. Deal with it.
:''[Hank closes the door. He, Logan, and Bobby get into the helicopter and fly away.]''
:'''Bobby''': All right, the X-Men are back!
:'''Logan''': Well, kind of. It's just us.
:'''Bobby''': Oh. What about Kitty? Couldn't you catch her before she left?
:'''Logan''': You know where she is?
:'''Bobby''': She told me she's heading to Genosha. Her ship left this morning.

===Hindsight, Part 3===
:'''[[w:Emma Frost|Emma]]''': I've decided to join the X-Men.
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Logan]]''': ''You'' decided? ...Well, here's my decision: ''NO!''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Shadowcat (comics)|Kitty]]''': ''[To Bobby, about Emma Frost].'' She's a telepath, remember? She ''knows'' what you're thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' You'd like to ask me about Jean. So do it.
:'''Scott:''' Would have detected her if she was in Genosha?
:'''Emma:''' Yes. And given time I could locate her wherever she is. Assuming I'm around.
:'''Scott:''' What do you mean?
:'''Emma:''' Ask Logan. If he has his way I'll be gone my tomorrow.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Logan''': Whatever's eatin' away at us, we get past it. We rise to the occasion, because we're a ''team.'' And we got a job to do. ''[Puts on his mask].'' The world needs the X-Men.

===Overflow===
:'''[[w:Professor X|Xavier]]''': Don't be alarmed, Logan. We're still at the institute. But this is what you might call... a meeting of the minds on the [[w:Astral Plane|Astral Plane]]. It's through here I'm able to communicate to you from the future.
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Logan]]''': It's... really good to see you, Chuck.
:'''Xavier''': And you, my friend. I only wish I were bringing better news.
&lt;hr width=80%&gt;
:'''Emma''': Your attempts to manipulate me are ''demeaning.'' If I perform to your satisfaction, you favor me by extending my stay here. If I assist you, that ends. ''Now.''
:'''Logan''': ''I'm'' manipulating ''you?'' You showed up at ''my'' door and traded your telepathy for a spot on the team. Who's using ''who?''
:'''Emma''': I found the Professor for you. I've ''earned'' my place with the X-Men.
:'''Logan''': Just like the others, you have to continue earning it ''every day.''
:'''Emma''': But you trust ''them.''
:'''Logan''': Because they've earned ''that,'' too.
&lt;hr width=80%&gt;
:'''Wolverine:''' Diamond? Would've been nice to know you could that.
:'''Emma:''' It's not my favorite form. It prevents me from using my telepathy.
&lt;hr width=80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' Shoot her down!
:'''Cyclops:''' Are you insane!?
:'''Emma:''' It's her or Africa! You choose!

===Thieves Gambit===
:'''Magma:''' Well, I guess this is goodbye.
:'''Wolverine:''' You don't have to go back to Brazil, you know. We got plenty of room at the institue.
:'''Man:''' Amara!
:'''Magma:''' I...can't.
:'''Wolverine:''' If you change your mind, it's standing invitation.
:'''Magma:''' Thank you. Goodbye.
:'''Wolverine:''' Amara, have to take the collar back.
:'''Magma:''' Please. Let me keep it.
:'''Wolverine:''' I would. But, unfortunately, it ain't healthy to wear it too long.
:'''Magma:''' Okay.

===X-Caliber===
===Wolverine vs. Hulk===

===Time Bomb===
===Future X===

===Greetings from Genosha===
:'''Magneto:''' And and Wanda so liked you.
&lt;hr width=80%&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler:''' ''This'' is your paradise, Magneto!? Imprisoning your own people!?
:'''Magneto:''' &quot;Imprisoned&quot; is such a harsh word.
&lt;hr width=80%&gt;
:'''Wanda:''' Please, Kurt. Try to understand. My father is doing this for the good of mutant-kind.
:'''Nightcrawler:''' Tell that the ones he's holding prisoner.
&lt;hr width=80%&gt;
:'''Magneto:''' Don't be foolish, Nightcrawler. You're tired, wounded. It'd be foolish to try.
:'''Nightcrawler:''' I'm no fool.
:(''attempts teleport all the way to the institute'')
:'''Wanda:''' Is he...? If he reaches the X-Men...
:'''Magneto:''' He won't.

===Past Discretions===
:''[Kristie finds Logan outside her house.]''
:'''Kristie:''' ''[Angrily]'' You!
:''[Logan retracts his claws. Kristie uses her powers to throw a boulder at Logan. He pushes off the boulder. Kristie dismounts her horse and uses her powers to envelope Logan in stone.]''
:'''Kristie''': I waited a long time for this.
:''[Logan looks at Kristie before she finishes enveloping him in stone.]''

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Logan, enveloped in stone, awakes to find himself inside the house and Kristie standing before him.]''
:'''Kristie:''' Why?
:'''Wolverine:''' I don't know.
:'''Kristie:''' You don't know?!
:''[Kristie uses her powers to envelope Logan's mouth in stone, suffocating him. She lets go and the stone stops enveloping his mouth.]''
:'''Kristie:''' I was six years old when you took my father. I need to know why!
:'''Wolverine:''' I did come after your father, but that's all I remember. They wiped my memory. I'm here to find answers too.
:''[Kristie looks surprised. A tranquilizer dart flies through the broken window and strikes Kristie in the left side of her neck. She falls to the floor unconscious.]''
:'''Sabretooth''': ''[Breaks through the door and advances on Logan]'' Way to go, runt. Just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?
:''[Logan glares at Sabretooth.]''

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Sabertooth:''' Hey, Maverick. Quite a daughter you got there. She's definitely someone we'll wanna look at.
:'''Nord:''' ''[Surprised]'' Daughter?

===Battle Lines===
:'''Wolverine:''' It's just a kid.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' I've broken through the static. The girl's name is Tildie. Juggernaut's placed a device on her. Something that's causing her to lash out. She can't stop. You have to remove the device.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Tilde:''' Who are you?
:'''Rogue:''' We're the X-Men.

===Excessive Force===
:'''Emma:''' Who exactly is Sinister?
:'''Beast:''' He's a mutant scientist who collects genetic samples of other mutants. Usually by force.
:'''Emma:''' How charming. And why did your Mr. Sinister want to do this?
:'''Beast:''' Supposedly to create the ultimate mutant.
:'''Storm:''' And years ago he was intent in using Jean Grey in his experiments but we stopped him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Scott:''' What have you done with Jean!? Tell me!!

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Scott:''' Just- just give me Jean. That's all I want.
:'''Sinister:''' I don't heave Jean Grey.
:'''Scott:''' But Arclyte...
:'''Sinister:''' That confession was to lure you here.
:'''Scott:''' No!!
:'''Sinister:''' Restrain him.

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[After the rest of the X-Men leave, Logan comes into Scott's room.]''
:'''Logan''': That just warms the heart, don't it? Sure, I'm glad you're alive and all. But you and me? We got a problem. You've got a choice to make, Summers: Be an X-Man or don't. 'Cause this garbage ain't gonna fly with me. You wanna go chase ghosts? Fine. But if you're gonna be here, ''be here.'' Xavier wouldn't kick you out, but don't think for a second I won't.
:'''Scott''': She's out there, I know it.
:'''Logan''': Then go look for her, on your own. Because you're either one of the team, or you're gone. Now which is it?
:'''Scott''': I'll stay.
:'''Logan''': What's that?
:'''Scott''': It's over. I'm staying here.
:'''Logan''': Good.
:''[Logan leaves Scott's room. Scott starts thinking about Jean.]''

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Doctor:''' Can you tell us your name?
:'''Jean:''' I...don't know. I can't remember.

===Hunting Grounds===

===Stolen Lives===
:'''Emma:''' I'm afraid his memory is much like yours, Logan.
:'''Kristy:''' No.
:'''Wolverine:''' It's gonna be OK, kid.
:'''Emma:''' Fortunately, it's not all dreadful news. I was successful in recovering some faint memories of you, Kristie. 
:'''Nord:''' Kristie.
:'''Kristie:''' Daddy?

===Badlands===
===Code of Conduct===
:''[Wolverine and Rogue exit the mansion.]''
:'''Rogue:''' What is going on, Logan? Who are these people? What do they want from you!? ''[Wolverine goes over to his motorcycle]'' Logan!
:'''Wolverine:''' ''[Gets on his motorcycle]'' Get on. We have to go. ''[Turns on his motorcycle and revs the engine]''
:'''Rogue:''' Go where? ''[Turns off the motorcycle]'' Tell me what this is all about!?
:'''Wolverine:''' A woman.
:'''Rogue:''' Are you serious?
:'''Wolverine:''' It was a few years ago. Might as well have been another lifetime. Her name was Mariko. She meant a lot to me, but her father wanted her to marry a guy named Harada. He was Japanese nobility, and a member of the criminal Yakuza. I was ''gaijin'', an outsider. He wanted to fight me for Mariko. And I accepted. Harada was a mutant; he could supercharge his sword to cut through anything. Me? I didn't even need a sword.

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Logan and Rogue arrive outside the Japanese Embassy.]''
:'''Rogue:''' But you won. Why would she&amp;ndash;?
:'''Wolverine:''' Didn't matter. Minds were already made up.
:''[Wolverine and Rogue make their way towards a fence.]''
:'''Rogue:''' You're seriously just going to sneak into the Japanese Embassy?
:'''Wolverine:''' Yeah.
:'''Rogue:''' What makes you so sure he's even&amp;ndash;?
:'''Wolverine:''' ''[Interrupts Rogue]'' Because he's a coward. And this is where he'd hide. ''[Starts feeling the fence]'' He thinks he's safe here. ''[Takes a few steps back]'' He's wrong.
:'''Rogue:''' I don't get it. He goes to all this trouble, he gets the girl. What else does he want?
:'''Wolverine:''' What he's always wanted: A fight to the death.
:''[Rogue is shocked. Wolverine starts to make his way into the embassy.]''

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Wolverine:''' Mariko, it's OK. It's me.
:'''Mariko:''' Logan-san. You should not be here.
:'''Wolverine:''' I had no choice.
:'''Mariko:''' You promised you would not see me.
:'''Wolverine:''' That was before your husband kidnapped my friends. Mariko, talk to me. Why is he doing this?
:'''Mariko:''' My husband has strong hold over the Yakuza clan. He must cleanse his past of all failure. He has never been beaten.
:'''Wolverine:''' Except by me.
:'''Mariko:''' So he is forcing your hand.
:'''Wolverine:''' Mariko, please. Tell me where they are.
:'''Mariko:''' There is a warehouse near the docks. The ''sakura'' marks the front. Do you know it?

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rogue:''' So that was her, huh?
:'''Wolverine:''' What, you listening in?
:'''Rogue:''' Yeah. Who wouldn't?

===Backlash===
:''[Logan, having finished his talk with Charles, makes his way outside.]''
:'''Hank:''' ''[Approaches Logan along with Warren]'' Were you able to communicate with the professor?
:'''Logan:''' ''[To Hank]'' No. We're on our own. ''[To Warren]'' What'd you find out, Warren?
:'''Warren:''' Forge was right. Something big is happening in the morning. It has to do with &quot;Project: Wide Awake&quot;.
:'''Logan:''' ''[To Hank]'' Hank, better assemble the team. ''[Heads off]''
:'''Warren:''' ''[To Hank]'' Say, uh, this is pretty much it, isn't it? If those Sentinels are activated, that's the beginning of the end.
:'''Hank:''' That looks to be the case.
:'''Warren:''' Then&amp;ndash; better count me in.
:'''Hank:''' ''[Concerned]'' Warren, it's your father's facility. He'll see you.
:'''Warren:''' Times are changing. I can't let him control who I am. Not anymore. ''[Smiles]'' Besides, it'll finally give us something to talk about.
:'''Hank:''' ''[Puts his arm around Warren]'' You're assuming we're going to survive?
:'''Warren:''' I'm an optimist.
:''[Hank and Warren head off.]''

----
:''[Wolverine and Shadowcat are arguing as the rest of the X-Men look on.]''
:'''Nightcrawler:''' He wanted me to tell her. I said I'd rather face 100 of these Sentinels.
:'''Beast:''' Good move.
:'''Shadowcat:''' ''[Angrily]'' What do you mean, I'm not going?!
:'''Wolverine:''' Pryde, will you calm down? Someone has to stay here with the kid.
:''[Shadowcat turns to look at Tilde, who is observing her and Wolverine from above.]''
:'''Shadowcat:''' But why me? I'm an X-Man, not a babysitter!
:'''Wolverine:''' One, you can defend her, and two, if things go bad, you can get her outta here. ''[Puts his hand on Shadowcat's shoulder]'' The last thing we need is Tilde getting upset, if you know what I mean. ''[Takes his hand off Shadowcat's shoulder]''
:'''Shadowcat:''' ''[Sighs]'' You should've trashed that place when you had the chance.

----
:''[Quicksilver defeats the MRD soldiers.]''
:'''Blob:''' How could the MRD even find us? Nobody knows we're here.
:'''Quicksilver:''' Magneto does. He cut us loose. And nothing would make him happier than seeing us rot in an MRD prison.
:'''Domino:''' ''[Shocked]'' Magneto turned on us? Why would he do that? We risked our lives for him.
:''[Quicksilver makes his way to Toad, who is trying to free himself from the net, with Blob and Domino following behind.]''
:'''Quicksilver:''' Don't even try to understand that guy. I've spent my whole life doing it.
:'''Avalanche:''' ''[Holding a helmet to his ear]'' Hey, MRD backup is close. ''[Hears static inside the helmet]'' Something else too. ''[To the rest of the Brotherhood]'' The Sentinels are active and taking down the X-Men right now.
:'''Blob:''' ''[Smiles evilly]'' Good. I hate those guys.
:'''Quicksilver:''' Well, then. ''[Crosses his arms and smiles evilly]'' Here's our next move: We're gonna save the X-Men.
:'''Toad:''' ''[Confused]'' Uh, come again?

===Guardian Angel===

===Breakdown===
:'''Scott:''' Look, I want to move on with my life! I want to be an X-Men! But I can't! Jean is all I think about! And now my friends are getting hurt because of me!
:'''Emma:''' Let me help you.
:'''Scott:''' Forget it.
:'''Emma:''' What if I told you I could erase Jean from your memories?
:'''Scott:''' Completely?
:'''Emma:''' If that's what you want.
:'''Scott:''' Then what? I end up like Logan? Haunted by the things I can't remember?
:'''Emma:''' No. I wouldn't do that you. Scott if the choice is leaving us or letting go of Jean, then let me try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Scott:''' No. It can't be.
:'''Emma:''' I'm afraid it is, Scott. No one attacked the X-Men. It was Jean. She caused the explosion.
===Rover===
:'''Prof. X:''' Jean was the casue!
:'''Scott:''' No! You can't blame her! We don't know what happened!
:'''Prof. X:''' No we don't. But I have seen that psychic fire before.
:'''Wolverine:''' You saw it before? Where?
:'''Prof. X:''' In the memories of Magneto's daughter Lorna, one of the few survivors.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Prof X:''' Listen well. I've only begun to understand the true depth of Jean's power.

===Aces and Eights===

===Shades of Grey===
:'''Archlude:''' The disturbance was telepathic in nature.
:'''Sinister:''' Originating from where?
:'''Arclite:''' Upsite, where the M.R.D. were sent to apprehend a telekinetic.
:'''Sinister:''' Perhaps their target had both telepathy and telekinesis.
:'''Arclite:''' That is incredibly rare.
:'''Sinister:''' Yes. Yet it does bring one name to mind.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Jean:''' You know who I am?
:'''Scott:''' What?
:'''Emma:''' It would seem the puzzle is solved. She never contacted you because she doesn't remember you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Sinister:''' I have to admit, like everyone else, I did believe Jean had perished. And then you came to be, so convinced she was alive, that I just had resume my search. 
:'''Scott:''' Sinister, let us go! Now!! ''Don't touch her!''
:'''Sinister:''' Not to worry. Acquiring genetic material is usually painless.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
(''Jean unleashes her strong telekinetic abilities, being taken over by the Phoenix Force'')
:'''Scott:''' Jean! ''Jean!!'' It's okay, Jean. It's over.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' We've waited a long time for this, Jean.
:'''Sebastian:''' Well done, Emma. The Phoenix finally belongs to the Inner Circle.

===Foresight, Part 1===
:''[Wolverine angrily throws Scott against the wall.]''
:'''Wolverine:''' ''[Angrily]'' You got any idea what you've done!? She was our only link to finding Jean!!
:'''Scott:''' ''[Angrily]'' Which she couldn't do sitting in a cell!
:''[Wolverine angrily throws Scott down to the floor.]''
:'''Wolverine:''' You got stars in your eyes, Summers! Or you'd see it too! She's involved!
:'''Scott:''' I believe in her, Logan.
:'''Wolverine:''' Yeah? Then where is she now?

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' Jean. Jean. It's time for you to remember who you are. Lets wake up now, shall we?
:'''Jean:''' Scott? Scott?
:'''Emma:''' That's it. Let it all come back to you.
:'''Jean:''' ''Scott!!''
:'''Emma:''' It's all right, Jean. Scott isn't here but he's fine. Everyone is fine.
:'''Jean:''' Where am I?
:'''Emma:''' You're safe. Just breathe slowly and relax. Now, do you remember who I am?
:'''Jean:''' Yes. Yes. You're the one who helped me. You rescued me from...from Angel.
:'''Emma:''' That's right. And now I want to help you again.
:'''Jean:''' Why? What's happening?
:'''Emma:''' Jean, you're in danger. And its not only your life that's threatened but the lives of everyone you love, including Scott's. Come with me and I'll explain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' Since the day you were born, there's been a power growing within you. That power so wisely pushes against the barriers Charles Xavier placed when you were a child.
:'''Jean:''' How do you know about that?
:'''Emma:''' I know everything about it, Jean. It's called the Phoenix Force. And it's been afflicting telepaths since mutants first emerged. This Egyptian tablet is over two thousand years old, yet it could be telling your story. as you can see, the Phoenix was present even at this baby's birth. As she grew, it grew until finally it reached maturity and took her over. Fires, floods, even sifts in climate. Throughout history, these events seem to coincide with the emergence of the Phoenix.
:'''Jean:''' And...people die?
:'''Emma:''' Yes. Many.
:(''Jean is horrified'')
:'''Jean:''' This will happen again. With me, won't it?
:'''Emma:''' Unless I can stop it.
:'''Jean:''' Is that possible?
:'''Emma:''' If we can prevent the Force from igniting yes. And because psychic beings such as this need a host to survive, we believe it will perish without one.

===Foresight, Part 2===
:'''Emma:''' We were interrupted.
:'''Sebastian:''' By what?
:'''Emma:''' The psychic connection she shares with Scott Summers. She senses he's in trouble.
:'''Sebastian:''' Then have the girls' block it out so you can proceed.
:'''Emma:''' It's too strong. If he is in trouble I need to alleviate the problem.
:'''Selene:''' Or maybe you're as worried about Scott Summers as she is.
:'''Emma:''' Are questioning my loyalty, Selene?
:'''Selene:''' Yes, I am. The X-Men are of no further use. They should have been taken out as soon as cerebro was rebuilt.
:'''Emma:''' So now we're assassins? We're trying to save lives, not take them.
:'''Sebastian:''' Go if you must, Emma. The cuckoos are fully capable of getting Miss Grey to open the remaining doors.
:'''Emma:''' Oh, and what about the little firestorm waiting on the other side?
:'''Sebastian:''' I have faith they can contain it.
:'''Emma:''' Contain it? What are you talking about!? We're destroying it.
:'''Sebastian:''' Those plans have evolved.
:'''Emma:''' Sebastian, you can't ''control'' the Phoenix! No one can!
:'''Sebastian:''' Ah, but I believe it wants to be controlled, Emma. And through the centuries, it has been searching for a telepath capable of handing its immense power.
:'''Emma:''' You...you can't all agree with his. Lenient. Pierce? 
:'''Selene:''' We do. And before you fell in love with the X-Men, you would have as well.
:'''Sebastian:''' We're confident fire telepaths can succeed where one would fail. 
:'''Emma:''' You are all fools! If I'm not here to lead this, the Phoenix will consume those girls, just as it would've Jean! I implore, you don't do anything until I return!
:'''Sebastian:''' You have one hour.

===Foresight, Part 3===
:'''Selene:''' Pathetic. Your affection for this X-Men has ruined you, Emma.
:'''Emma:''' This has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the mistake you're about the make! The power you're about to unleash!
:'''Scott:''' You have to listen to her. We've seen the future.
:'''Selene:''' Listen to her? You have no idea who she is, do you?
:'''Emma:''' Selene, don't.
:'''Selene:''' The explosion that destroyed your mansion, that put your mentor in a coma, that took your precious Jean from you. It was all compliments of Emma Frost and her couscous. Emma assured us she could extract Jean after eliminating the treat of Xavier and his X-Men. She was wrong. Your girlfriend sensed the psychic attack and tried to save you all. Emma's miscalculation cost us the Phoenix. So she had to use the X-Men to find her again. ''That's'' why she took Xavier's body from the mansion and placed him on the shores of Genosha, to earn a place on your team by discovering him for you.
:'''Scott:''' Emma?
:'''Emma:''' Scott, I had no choice. The Phoenix Force must be stopped.
:'''Scott:''' You lied to me.
:'''Emma:''' No. Not everything was a lie.
:'''Selene:''' So you see, Emma can't be trusted. And if it were up to me...
:'''Sebastian:''' Emma's impetuous actions aside. She will seek our foreignness once she realizes the truth. The Phoenix needs us as much as we need it. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' Sebastian, the Phoenix is trying to return to Jean! They can't control it!
:'''Sebastian:''' You're wrong. It's time to end this war. Girls, wipe out the Sentinels, destroy the X-Men, and burn Genosha to ground.
:'''Emma:''' You've doomed us!

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' Scott! Scott, wake up. Please, Scott. Don't leave me.
:''[Emma kisses Scott on the lips, but is thrown backwards and held by metal wires by Jean's telekinesis.]''
:'''Jean:''' You'll pay for what you've done!

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Scott:''' Jean, wait. We'll deal with her later. Right now, we have to stop the Phoenix.
:'''Emma:''' If she goes out there, nothing will keep it from returning to her.
:'''Jean:''' And if it does, will that stop it?
:'''Emma:''' Yes. For now.
:'''Scott:''' No! That's not an option!
:'''Jean:''' Scott, it chose me for a reason. I have to try.
:'''Emma:''' Jean can't do this alone. She'll need my help.
:'''Scott:''' You're not going anywhere near her.
:''[Scott and Jean leave, leaving Emma heartbroken.]''

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Emma tries to free herself from the metal wires, but is unsuccessful, even after transforming into her diamond form.]''
:'''Emma:''' ''[Spots Wolverine]'' Logan!
:''[Wolverine spots Emma.]''
:'''Emma:''' Logan, you have to cut me loose!
:''[Wolverine hops down and advances on Emma.]''
:'''Wolverine:''' ''[Unsheathes two of his claws on either side of Emma's neck]'' You betrayed us.
:'''Emma:''' But now, I'm trying to help you.
:'''Wolverine:''' ''[Unsheathes a third claw underneath Emma's neck]'' No. You've done enough. ''[Retracts his claws and starts to walk away]''
:'''Emma:''' Logan, please. Too much is at stake.
:''[Wolverine stops walking.]''
:'''Emma:''' You have to trust me.
:''[Wolverine turns to Emma, realizing that she needs him to cut her loose so that she can stop the Phoenix.]''

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Jean:''' You want me back!!? Well, here I am!!

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Jean:''' Scott, what are you doing!!? It'll kill you!
:'''Scott:''' I'm not losing you again!

&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Emma:''' Get Jean out of here, Scott. I'm not sure how long I can contain it.
:'''Scott:''' What are you gonna do?
:'''Emma:''' Try... to release it.
:'''Wolverine:''' Summers, she knows what she's doing! Now let's go!
:'''Scott:''' Emma!!
:'''Emma:''' Scott, forgive me.

== See also ==

* [[X-Men]]
* [[X-Men: Evolution]]
* [[Astonishing X-Men]]
* [[Ultimate X-Men]]
* [[Uncanny X-Men]]
* [[Misc X-titles and Limited Series]]
* [[Marvel Comics]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons (TV channel) shows]]</text>
      <sha1>9mche3qmcezkifg5hcmtlc6h0rwt9h8</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Chowder (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>106752</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146111</id>
      <parentid>3142046</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:38:49Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>71.120.246.126</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* A Faire to Remember/Tofu-Town Showdown [2.20] */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="59704" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Chowder (TV series)|Chowder]]''''' is an American animated television series created by C. H. Greenblatt for Cartoon Network. The series follows an aspiring young chef apprentice named Chowder and his day-to-day adventures in Chef Mung Daal's catering company.

==Theme Song==
:'''Mung Daal''': ♫''You take the moon and you take the sun,''♫
:'''Chowder''': ♫''You take everything that seems like fun.''♫
:'''Truffles''': ♫''You stir it all up and when you're done,''♫
:'''Shnitzel''': ♫ ''Radda radda radda radda radda radda. (You share a big piece with everyone.)''♫
:'''Chorus''': ♫ ''So come on in, feel free to do some looking / Stay a while, 'cause something's always cooking / Come on in, feel free to do some looking / Stay a while, 'cause something's always cooking'' ♫ Yeah!
:''[Applause]''

==Season 1==
===The Froggy Apple Crumble Thumpkin/Chowder's Girlfriend (1.1)===
:''[After a stink sac explodes on Shnitzel]''
:'''Mung Daal''': Oh, Shnitzel! What did you eat, man?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gazpacho''': How long have you two lovebirds been going steady?
:'''Panini''': I'm Chowder's girlfriend! And Chowder's my boyfriend! And we're totally gonna be there forever and ever! And now, we're holding hands!
:''(Chowder does a Spit-Take. He continues doing a spit-take on his way back to the catering company. He continues doing a spit-take back at the catering company. He continues doing a spit-take while reading a book, mopping the floor, eating dinner, brushing his teeth, and being in bed. The next morning, Chowder stops using a Spit-Take)''
:'''Chowder''': ''(to Kimchi)'' I don't wanna be a boyfriend! Boyfriends have to do all kinds of weird stuff; like write poetry and hold hands and hold hands, and be together forever! Forever's a long time!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Panini''': Oh, hi, Chowder.
:'''Chowder''': I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND! Hey, are those cookies?
:'''Panini''': I made them for you.
:'''Chowder''': ''(eats a cookie)'' Thanks.
:'''Panini''': No problem. That's what girlfriends do.
:'''Chowder''': ''(upon leaving Endive's)'' Girlfriends, huh? ''(realizes)'' Aw, man!

===Burple Nurples/Shnitzel Makes a Deposit (1.2)===
:'''Chowder''': Why won't you trust me as a chef, Mung?!

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:'''Mung''': Woman, I need all the cash we got right now! Don't ask questions!
:'''Truffles''': I have ONE...
:'''Mung''': Yes, it's Chowder-related.
:'''Truffles''': ''[hands Mung some money]'' Fine.

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:'''Mung''': ''[in a Scottish accent]'' Don't eat that nurple!
:'''Gorgonzola''': Why, old man?
:'''Mung''': Because...because, it is calling out to me. I need that exact nurple.
:'''Gorgonzola''': Uhhh...
:'''Mung''': Here, here, I'll give you 10 dollops.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 100 dollops!
:'''Mung''': What is it with you kids? I'll give 20.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 200 dollops!
:'''Mung''': 50.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 300 dollops.
:'''Mung''': Oh, my golly! 75.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 350!
:'''Mung''': 80!
:'''Gorgonzola''': 360!
:'''Mung''': 85!
:'''Chowder''': 800,000!
:'''Mung''': ''[to Chowder in his normal voice]'' Stay out of this! ''[back to his Scottish accent]'' 85!
:'''Gorgonzola''': 400 dollops.
:'''Mung''': 4 hun?! Okay, fine! 400 dollops! Now, give me that nurple! ''[leaves]''
:'''Gorgonzola''': I think I might need another nurple. Here's 5 dollops.
:'''Mung''': 10 dollops.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 600 dollops!
:'''Mung''': Oh, I am so tempted to let you eat that nurple!
:''[Gorgonzola is sitting on a sack of money with Mung holding all the burple nurples]''
:'''Chowder''': Thank you, come again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Chowder''': I've never been to the bank. Do they have snacks there?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Chowder and Shnitzel walk up to the Marzipan City Bank]''
:'''Chowder''': Whoa! It smells like floor wax in here.
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[to Chowder, sternly]'' Radda radda radda.
:'''Chowder''': Okay, okay. I won't touch anything. ''[floats with his feet not touching the floor]''
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda?
:'''Chowder''': Well, I can't follow you, 'cause then I'd be touching the floor, and you said-
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda, radda radda radda.
:'''Chowder''': So I ''can'' touch the floor? You need to make up your mind.

===Grubble Gum/The Cinnamini Monster (1.3)===
:'''Mung Daal''': Good gravy, what's gotten into you and ''onto'' you?
:'''Chowder''': I swallowed a whole bunch of grubble gum.
:'''Mung Daal''': Oh, sweet peas. Please tell me you shared with Truffles!
:'''Chowder''': ''[remorseful]'' No.
:'''Mung Daal''': Why?! Why didn't you share?!
:'''Chowder''': I ate it all by accident!
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, I may be an old man but I don't want to die today! We gotta get rid of this gum before Truffles sees it!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda radda?
:'''Mung Daal''': No, we can't chuck him in the furnace.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Sweet grapes of wrath, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': Hey, Mung Daal. I can see up your nose! You got boogers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Help! Mung Daal, I'm inside the tree!
:''[The Cinnamini Monster closes the blinds]''

===The Wrong Address/The Wrong Customer (1.5)===
:'''Mung Daal''': My kitchen! My beautiful kitchen, what happened?!
:''[Marzipan City Police officers Po-boy and Cheeseteak carry Truffles to the back of the police van]''
:'''Truffles''': ''[straining]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[getting pepper sprayed; screams]'' PEPPER SPRAY!!
:'''Chowder''': Pepper spray? That sounds delicious. ''[gets pepper sprayed]'' AAH! I was wrong! I was horribly wrong!
:'''Rump Roast''': Serves you both right. ''[gets pepper sprayed]'' AAH! AAH! Ow! What did you do that lady?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Truffles''': Hey, what is this thing?
:'''Shnitzel''': Pfft. Radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': Oh, the customer. Wait, do you realize what this means?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda?
:'''Truffles''': The customer came to pick up his own order. ''[facepalms herself]'' Ugh, and my idiot husband just left to deliver it. Who knows how long until he gets back? You keep an eye on him, until Dummy McDumbalot comes home.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': Cleaning or no cleaning, you will watch him, or I'll rip your -- oh, hello. Don't worry. Shnitzel here will take care of you until your order is ready. That's what we pay him for.
:'''Mr. Sambal''': Ah, towels. ''[strips off Shnitzel's apron, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Truffles''': Okay, that's disgusting.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Truffles''': What are you doing? This place is still a pigsty. And where's the customer?!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Truffles''': The oven? You put the customer in the oven? What, are you crazy?!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda. Radda radda radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': He put himself in the oven? The little old man walked in the oven by himself?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda!
:'''Truffles''': Would you please hand me that pot over there? ''[Shnitzel hands her the frying pan and bashes him on the head; angrily yelling]'' I’M NOT PAYING TO TO BAKE A CUSTOMER! ''[flies off]'' I’M PAYING YOU TO CLEAN!!
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[annoyingly mimicking Truffles]'' &quot;Radda radda radda, radda radda radda.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[noticing the Marzipan Police outside, surprised]'' Radda? Radda. Radda radda radda radda!
:'''Officer Sloppy Joe''': Hey, look, a civilian!
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': ''[gasps; takes out a megaphone]'' We've got a hostage situation. Everybody stay calm!
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': A hostage situation? ''[faints]''
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[surprised]'' Radda?
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Don't let his size fool you. Your captor is extremely dangerous.
:'''Officer''': And crafty.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': And crafty.
:'''Officer''': And vicious.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': And vicious.
:'''Officer Monte Cristo''': And dangerous.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': I said, &quot;And dangerous.&quot;
:'''Officer Monte Cristo''': I'm just trying to help. Don't yell at me.
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': Technically, you said, &quot;extremely dangerous.&quot;
:'''Officer Grinder''': Sarge, Sarge, say he's stinky.
:'''Officer PB&amp;J''': And a meanie.
:'''Officer Snow Leopard''': And a bad boy.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Really?
:'''Officer Snow Leopard''': Yeah.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Wow. Well, he's all that stuff. We've been trying to stop his trail of destruction for years. Don't worry. One of us will save you, in just a minute.
:''[The police officers walk around chairs in a circle]''
:'''Officer Sloppy Joe''': ''[humming and clap rhythming &quot;Pop Goes the Weasel&quot;]'' And stop!
:''[The officers sit in chairs leaving the sarge standing]''
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': No, no, no, do it again.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Truffles''': I don't know where the customer went.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda radda radda!
:'''Truffles''': Huh, in danger? ''You'' are the only danger here.
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[grabs Truffles' hand]'' Radda radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': Let go of me! I'm not leaving.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': No. No more cockamamie stories. You just want to leave work 'cause you're lazy.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda?
:'''Truffles''': You heard me. La-a-a-a-a-zy!
:'''Shnitzel''': Ah, ah! Radda radda radda radda radda!
:'''Truffles''': RADDA RADDA RADDA! Radda.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During the end credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': I just had a dream that you were a great big, delicious sandwich, but you didn't have any cheese on you. Why didn't you have any cheese, Mung?
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': That's a question for another time, my boy.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Shnitzel was in my dream, too, except he was a big cup of cloffee with cream and sugar.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': Well, that makes sense.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': And then I realized, I become a big carrot!
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': What happened next?
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[as a big carrot]'' I don't know, you tell me.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' Oh, what? What? Huh?
:'''Puppet Chowder''': You were sleeping, Mung. Sheesh.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': You don't know what you're missin'...
:'''Puppet Chowder''': If you aren't in the kitchen.

===Mahjongg Night/Stinky Love (1.6)===
:'''Truffles''': ''[hits Chowder on the head with a frying pan]'' HANDS OFF! The ladies will be here any minute to play Mahjongg.
:'''Chowder''': But I didn’t get to taste yet.
:'''Truffles''': Ah, ah, ah. These foods are for the ladies only. Are you a lady?
:'''Chowder''': If I say &quot;yes,&quot; can I have one?
:'''Truffles''': ''[hits Chowder on the head with the frying pan again]'' You already had dinner! I need both of you out of the kitchen, NOW! ''[door opens and Truffles' lady friends enter]'' Oh, the ladies!
:'''Empanada''': Oh, so adorable! I could just eat you up! ''[Chowder blushes, but is moved out of the way]'' Out of the way, Chowder! I've been waiting ''all'' week for these meviled eggs! ''[scarfs the eggs]''
:'''Kasha''': Save some for the rest of us, Empanada.
:'''Chutney''': You eat it all again, and I'm gonna kill you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Truffles''': Hey! ''[turns to the back]'' I thought I heard something.
:''[Chowder snores as he pretends to be asleep]''
:'''Kasha''': Don't get too distracted, Truffles. I want you to see when I ''beat'' you this hand.
:'''Truffles''': Oh, you will ''[turns back]'' NOT beat me! The only beating you will see is your own!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Rats. I guess those ''weren’t'' meviled eggs, huh? Hey, I bet if I go down and apologize, Truffles will reward me for being so professional.
:'''Kiwi''': Now that’s some good thinking, Chowder.
:'''Chowder''': ''[notices his doorway unknowingly blocked up by Truffles]'' Weird. Someone accidentally blocked up my door. Hmm.
:'''Citizen''': ''[from below]'' Hey kid! What the heck are you doing up there?
:'''Chowder''': I'm going to apologize so Truffles will give me meviled eggs!
:'''Citizen''': Oh. Well, good luck with that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Hey, Truffles, I'm sorry about earlier. So can I have an egg now? ''[the strong wind blows the colors off Truffles' body, leaving the outlines]'' Uh-oh. ''[runs up back to his room, again, screaming, as Truffles flies after him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Finally! ''[stuffs a meviled egg in his mouth and ends up spitting it out]'' That’s disgusting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[talking while sleeping]'' Why, yes, I would love thirds, thank you. ''[Kimchi wakes him up]'' Good morning, Kimchi. Who wants some breakfast? Who wants some breakfast? I do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kimchi circles around Shnitzel]''
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[disgusted]'' Ughhh! Radda radda radda!
:'''Chowder''': Aw, Shnitzel, that's just Kimchi's way of saying he likes you. Wanna see Kimchi's way of saying he needs to go to the bathroom?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[after Chowder sniffs the glumberger cheese]'' Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between good cheese and bad feet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, is the cobbler okay?
:'''Chowder''': Yes, but I'm leaving it with Kimchi.
:'''Mung Daal''': What?!
:'''Chowder''': I think they're in love!
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, I understand being in love with a cobbler more than anyone, but we’ve got a customer who expects the dish to be ''love-free''!
:'''Chowder''': But the dish makes him happy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Well, Kimchi, being a ladies' man myself, I have to say; it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
:'''Chowder''': What does that mean?
:'''Mung Daal''': It means love stinks.

===Gazpacho Stands Up (1.8)===
:''[Chowder writes on the screen only for Gazpacho to notice]''
:'''Gazpacho''': Hey! Don't write there!
:'''Chowder''': Why not? ''[realizes his mistake]'' Oh. ''[he tries scribbling it out]'' There we go. ''[realizing he has only made it worse]'' Oh no!
:'''Gazpacho''': Stop! I can fix it! ''[camera zooms too far out]'' Not from there, get closer! ''[camera zooms back in]'' Closer. ''[camera zooms in once again]'' Okay. ''[he sprays on Chowder's handwriting and wipes it off]'' There.
:'''Chowder''': ''[finds the 2004-2010 Cartoon Network screen bug]'' What about that one?
:'''Gazpacho''': ''[taps on the bug]'' Yeah, that one doesn't come off. I tried.

===At Your Service/Chowder and Mr. Fugu (1.12)===
:'''Mung Daal''': Listen up woman, that mood fruit is mine!
:'''Ms. Endive''': As usual, nothing but crazy talk from your lips.
:'''Mung Daal''': I'll tell you what's crazy -- this rump of yours, that's what's crazy! Now will you kindly move it out of my way?
:'''Ms. Endive''': I'd be happy to oblige, Mr. Daal. Whoops! ''[shoves Mung aside with her rump]''
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[spins around and falls in a hole; calling to Chowder]'' Chowder, kick it enough high gear!
:'''Chowder''': High gear, comin' up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Panini''': Num-nums! Are you ''[rubs Chowder on the cheek]'' okay?
:'''Chowder''': Please don't touch me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': You know, ''[puts the mood fruit on around her neck]'' I love the way these exotic mood fruits change color according to one's mood. ''[the mood fruit colors change to brown, her happiness]''
:'''Chowder''': ''[whispering]'' They're due to brown.
:'''Mung Daal''': Shh.
:'''Panini''': I think they look lovely on you Ms. Endive.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Yes. Yes, they do. And do you know what would look lovely on these two? Grease!
:'''Chowder and Mung''': Grease?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Grease!
:''[Mung and Chowder are in a big bowl scooping up all the grease]''
:'''Mung Daal''': I don't know how that woman thinks we're gonna get all this cold grease cleaned up when she keeps... ''[Endive pours more grease on them]'' pouring more on our heads!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': This ain't gonna be fun.
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[mood fruit colors change to red, her anger; turns to Mung, threateningly]'' You! You can try your little tricks, you can play your little childish games, but rest assured, I will break you! ''[mood fruit colors change to black, her fury; later, drags Mung and Chowder to a cell door below her kitchen]''
:'''Mung Daal''': Woman, I will never say you're better than me!
:'''Chowder''': Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Panini, unlock the cell.
:'''Panini''': Yes, ma'am. ''[unlocks the cell door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Bacon?! ''[opens his mouth and the mama bird feeds him her barf; grossed out]'' That's ''not'' bacon!

===The Vacation/The Sleep Eater (1.13)===
:'''Truffles''': ''[yelling]'' '''I SAID WE'RE CLOSED!!!!'''

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:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, nobody ever exploded having to go &quot;number 1.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': We Made it! And the water's perfect.
:'''Chowder''': ''(sighs)'' Oh, yeah.
:''(Both Mung and Schnitzel realize that Chowder has peed in the ocean and they both swim away screaming as some fishes swim away screaming too)''

===The Bruised Bluenana/Shnitzel and the Lead Farfel (1.14)===
:'''Mung Daal''': What just happened?!
:'''Chowder''': ''[pokes Shnitzel's hand]'' You're all squishy. Like a big marshmallow! ''[bites Shnitzel's hand, causing Shnitzel to scream in pain]'' Geh! You do not ''taste'' like a marshmallow.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda, radda. ''[touches his hand]''
:'''Mung Daal''': Shnitzel, have you gone soft?!
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[panicking]'' Radda. Radda radda radda! Ra-raddaradda radda!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lead Farfel''': So, you dare challenge the dreaded Lead Farfel? I will crush you like the worthless worm you are!
:'''Mother''': But he’s just a baby.
:'''Lead Farfel''': Then he will surely fail!
:'''Mother''': I just wanted directions to the library, jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Each line represents how far the last person was able to carry the Farfel.
:'''Chowder''': ''[spots a line with Shnitzel's name on it]'' Hey, this one says &quot;Shnitzel.&quot;
:'''Lead Farfel''': ''[wakes up]'' Shnitzel?! Have you come to gloat on victories past?
:'''Chowder''': No. Shnitzel's totally weak now. He can't even lift a pickle jar.
:''[Shnitzel groans and cries]''
:'''Lead Farfel''': ''[laughs]'' Can't even lift a pickle jar. How does that make you feel, little man? Does it burn you with shame? ''[sniffs]'' Ahhh. I can smell your failure. It's a most delicious aroma.
:'''Mung Daal''': Use that shame, Shnitzel! Be its master, poke it in the gut, call it &quot;Grandpa.&quot; We'll whip up that mushy body of yours back into shape, and when you can move the farfel, you will once more be strong!
:'''Lead Farfel''': Regain your former glory, Shnitzel, or be squashed like a BUG!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lead Farfel''': Final distance -- 6 inches... ''backwards''! ''[laughs]'' Once again, the weak have been crushed, baby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Shnitzel, what color is the universe? What if the sky smelled like fish? Who designed our brains? What comes after the letter &quot;Z&quot;? Do you believe in alternate dimensions? Do you believe in ghosts? Do you believe in alternate ghosts? Shnitzel, how much more could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Shnitzel, what makes you cry?
:''[Puppet Shnitzel looks at Puppet Chowder for a second, and turns with a tear dripping from his eye]''

===The Thousand Pound Cake/The Rat Sandwich (1.15)===
:'''Truffles''': Why didn’t I just do that in the first place?
:'''Mung Daal''': Because I ''really'' look good in this dress.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reuben''': I guess now you’ll be taking care of me forever.
:'''Chowder''': I don’t think so.
:'''Reuben''': Huh?
:'''Mung Daal''': Huh?
:'''Chowder''': I used to think a dead rat was just a delicious-sounding treat, but I learned rats are more than that. They’re hideous, disease-ridden scavengers. I may not look like you on the outside, ‘cause I wear clothes. But on the inside, where it counts, we’re exactly the same - starving!
:'''Chowder's Tummy''': ''[whimpering]'' Mr. Tummy’s gonna die!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During end credits]''
:'''Puppet Truffles''': Honey, does this dress make me look fat?
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': Ummmmm... Uhhhhh, uhhhhhhhhhhhh...uhhhhh...uhhh...uh...uh...uhhhhh...uhhhh...uhh...uhh...ohhh! Aaaah! Uhhhh... Aaaaah...ohhhhh!
:'''Puppet Truffles''': ''[shaking angrily, growling]'' You're dead to me. ''[flies away]''

===Shnitzel Quits (1.17)===
:'''Dog Citizen''': Hey, that uh, that thing on your beak.
:'''Bird Citizen''': My snood?
:'''Dog Citizen''': Yeah, your snood. Seriously, dude, I can't even look at that thing. You gotta think about getting it removed.
:'''Bird Citizen''': My wife likes my snood.
:'''Dog Citizen''': You’re a lucky, lucky man. ''[Shnitzel walks past between]'' Man, that guy looks like he just quit a job he never thought he'd have to quit.
:'''Bird Citizen''': Bummer.
:'''Dog Citizen''': Okay, seriously, I'm gonna puke if I gotta keep lookin' at that thing.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': Be right there! ''[answers the door]'' What do you want?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda.
:'''Ms. Endive''': You're here about the job? ''[flees back inside and back to the door, wrapped in towels]'' Oh, I'm sorry. I just stepped out of the shower. So, you've come to your senses and want to work a ''real'' chef, huh?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Well, let me see if you're right for the position.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': He may have been bigger and stronger, but he was crazier! ''[starts crying]'' I MISS SHNITZEL!
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, please! Come on now! If you start crying, ''I'll'' start crying. ''[starts crying as well]'' I miss him, too!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda, radda radda radda.
:'''Ms Endive''': ''[heartbroken, confused]'' What? What do you mean this is just a job? I thought what we had was real. You-you came back for me, because you love me right? Right?!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda. ''[holds up a picture of him and a female rock]''
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[lividly]'' YOU, HAVE, A '''GIRLFRIEND'''?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Panini''': He jumped, Ms. Endive.
:'''Ms Endive''': They always do, my dear. They always do.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': ''[picks up Shnitzel and sets him down on a cloud, erases the chains off him and draws his outfit]'' There. All better. Hey, Shnitzel, it's me, your creator. Listen, dude, I'm telling you. You got to go back to Mung's.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda!
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': Don't you get it? Without you there, nothing's right! It's like the cosmos is out of whack!
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda radda, radda radda radda, radda radda radda!
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': They don't appreciate you? That's crazy talk. ''[holds up a photo of Chowder and Mung feeding soup to Shnitzel while he’s sick]'' When you were deathly sick with the plague pox, who nursed you back to health with homemade soup?
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda radda.
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': That's right, pal -- Mung and Chowder. ''[holds up another photo of Chowder and Mung giving Shnitzel a loan full of cash, in his graduation uniform]'' And when you needed to borrow 3,000 dollops to pay off your student loans, who gave you the cash -- no questions asked?
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda. Radda radda.
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': That's right. ''[hops up another photo of Shnitzel being chased by an angry mob]'' And when you ended up lost in the bad part of Lasagna Town after that really crazy birthday party, who drove five hours to come and get you?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda.
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': Oh, well, if they had known you were in trouble, I'm sure they would have come. Any-who, you need them as much as they need you.

===The Apprentice Games (1.20)===
:'''Chowder''': ''[lands on top of Gorgonzola]'' My tushy feels warm.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[lifts Chowder off himself]'' Get...off...me, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': Guess what, Gorgonzola. Mung says I get ultimate thrice cream if I win.
:'''Gorgonzola''': You will not be winning anything.
:'''Chowder''': Why not?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Because ''I’m'' going to make sure ''you'' lose.
:'''Chowder''': Why?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Because.
:'''Chowder''': Because why?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Just because!
:'''Chowder''': Just because why?
:'''Gorgonzola''': BECAUSE I SAID SO!
:'''Chowder''': Well, which is it? Are you gonna make sure I’m gonna lose just because you said so, or did you say so just because you’re gonna make sure I’m gonna lose?
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[fuming]'' STOP TALKING!!
:'''Chowder''': So, do you want me to stop talking and lose, or lose and stop talking?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Stilton''': Yo, down in front.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey!
:'''Stilton''': What?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey!
:'''Stilton''': What?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey!
:'''Stilton''': What?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey! ''[Stilton burps]'' Hey!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[threateningly]'' I'm going to kill you.
:'''Chowder''': MUNG, I WANT TO GO HOME!!
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[holding up the ultimate thrice cream]'' Focus, Chowder!
:'''Ultimate Thrice Cream''': ''[cheering]'' Gold medal! Gold medal!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[to Gorgonzola, enraged and irritated]''  I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU PICKING ON ME! I AM A LIVING BEING! A LIVING BEING!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Chowder and Gorgonzola reach shore after Chowder saved him from drowning]''
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[coughing]'' Chowder, you -- you -- you saved my life.
:'''Chowder''': Come back to me, Gorgonzola. Come back to me. You’ve got so much to live for.
:'''Gorgonzola''': I just said, &quot;you saved my life.&quot;
:'''Chowder''': I feel like we were just starting to become friends. And now -- now you are gone forever!
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[springs off from Chowder’s arms]'' I'M NOT DEAD!
:'''Chowder''': Gorgonzola! You're alive! Oh, thank goodness! I was starting to fall into this really dark depression. I mean, we lost every event, Mung’s disappointed in me, and then, I nearly drowned my new best friend.
:'''Gorgonzola''': Well, while I ''do'' have to draw the line at the word &quot;friend,&quot; you ''did'', technically, just saved my life.
:'''Chowder''': I did?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Yeah, so I guess you’re not a total waste.
:'''Chowder''': I guess you’re not a solid waste, either.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[to himself]'' I’m gonna kill him.
:'''Chowder''': It breaks my heart to see you in so much pain. Would it help to talk about it?
:'''Gorgonzola''': I don’t need your help!
:'''Chowder''': Stilton’s hard on you, huh?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Stop it!
:'''Chowder''': That’s just the pain talking.
:'''Gorgonzola''': I'm fine!
:'''Chowder''': Does he blow his burps at you?
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[bursts into tears; crying emotionally]'' I try so hard!
:'''Chowder''': I know you do. But the truth is, you can't help being the dirty ragamuffin you are, any more than I can help being the loveable dumpling I am. But quite frankly, if that’s not good enough for Mung, and Stilton, then, well, sir, that’s just not right! ''[slurps some of Gorgonzola's tears]''
:'''Gorgonzola''': That's it! We need to go back and reclaim our dignity.
:'''Chowder''': Is that a new flavor of thrice cream?
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[to himself]'' So gonna kill him -- really.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[drops down on the ground with a thud; furious]'' WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[Chowder, Gorgonzola, Mung, &amp; Stilton scream terrifyingly]'' You're joke of an apprentice scared away the queen! Now who wins, huh, smart guys?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': We have all been gone crazy.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Right. Medals are meaningless.
:'''Stilton''': Absolute meaningless.
:''[The three masters start fighting over the gold medals]''
:'''Panini''': So, what do you guys wanna do now?
:'''Chowder''': I want to buy the ultimate thrice cream Mung promised me, with these ''[holds up two gold medals]'' two shiny gold sments I found. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

==Season 2==
===Panini for President/Chowder's Babysitter [2.2]===
:'''Gorgonzola''': Hey, Chowder, want to run for president?
:'''Chowder''': No thanks. I'm really more of a walker.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[takes the lollipop out of Chowder's hand and uses it to hypnotize him]'' Look into the lollipop, Chowder. Look into the lollipop.
:'''Chowder''': ''[being hypnotized]'' Yes, Master Lollipop.
:'''Gorgonzola''': You will run for president, and Gorgonzola will be your vice president.
:'''Chowder''': I will run -- ''[snaps out of the hypnotizing]'' wait, wait, wait a minute! Girl, you crazy.
:'''Gorgonzola''': As president, you can ban Panini from being your girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[to Panini]'' I'M NOT YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND! As President, I will ''BAN'' YOU!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[draws a mustache and beard on Panini's poster; to Chowder]'' Pretty clever, eh, pudge?
:'''Chowder''': Mmm, is she supposed to be French?
:'''Gorgonzola''': (''scoffs'') No. She's supposed to be ugly. It's defamation of character.
:'''Chowder''': Oh. Because French people are ugly?
:'''Gorgonzola''': No.
:'''Chowder''': Ohh! If she's French, you should draw a beret! It'll help.
:'''Gorgonzola''': Quiet, you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[using the lollipop to hypnotize Chowder]'' You will obey, obey, obey.
:'''Chowder''': I’m gettin’ tired of Master Lollipop.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[now holding a cinnamon swirl pastry]'' Master Cinnamon Swirl says you will kiss babies to win.
:'''Chowder''': Yes, Master Cinnamon Swirl!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[puts on a knight helmet]'' PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME, PANINI!
:'''Panini''': I...I... ''[breaks down, crying]'' I JUST WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, CHOWDER! I just wanted to pass laws that would legally making you my property! Instead you listened to Gorgonzola and ruined EVERYTHING! WHY?! ''[slams her head on the podium]'' WHY?! WHY?!
:'''Ceviche''': Oh my gosh, Panini! Are you okay?
:'''Panini''': ''[through gritted teeth]'' Yes, Ceviche, I'm fine. Now go away so I can finish my moment! ''[Ceviche leaves]'' WHY?!
:'''Chowder''': Don't cry, I wasn't listening to Gorgonzola! I was just hanging around with him because he was giving me food. ''[blushes]'' He's my friend.
:'''Panini''': He's ''not'' your friend. He's like a villain or something!
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[dressed as the Phantom of the Opera]'' Heeey, Mr. President!
:'''Chowder''': ''[screams]'' A VILLAIN!!

===The Fire Breather/The Flying Flinger Lingons [2.3]===
:'''Mung''': Chowder, look what you've done! Now the animators are gonna have to draw all this fire! On top of that, you've ruined the souffle.
:'''Souffle''': Why, Chowder? WHY!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Expolsive flatulence]''
:'''Chowder''': Heh... sorry. ''[gasps]'' I can talk again! My tummy must've digested the peppers. I can cook again! ''[Rumbling]'' Oh, wait, it feels like I'm gonna... ''[explosive flatulence]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During ending credits]''
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda, radda radda radda.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': You did not say that to Truffles.
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': What did she say back?
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': ''[screams Truffles' ranting as Puppet Truffles rises up into view and shakes angrily; Puppet Mung gets out of the way]'' Radda... radda, radda, radda radda.
:''[Puppet Truffles lividly launches herself to Puppet Shnitzel and attacks him]''

===Chowder's Catering Company/The Catch Phrase [2.5]===
:'''Chowder''': Hey, what's this impossibly random poster that I see?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Holland Daze''': WHAZZAM!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': ''[angrily]'' You heard me! Never - ''[points to cow udder]'' - that phrase again.
:'''Chowder''': Wait, how'd a cow get in here?

===The Hot Date/Shopping Spree [2.6]===
:''[Fivesday, 3:45 PM -- Marzipan City Police Department]''
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': ''[enters the room holding up two pairs of pants in his underwear]'' Quick! I need everybody's attention. Stop whatever you're doing! I need to know which pair of pants go with this shirt I'm wearing. Seriously, you guys! I need help. I got a blind date in a few hours, and I want to look hot!
:'''Officer Grinder''': Hot date! ''[chanting]'' Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
:'''Officer PB&amp;J''': Make sure you pat her on the back and burp her. I love it when my mommy does that.
:'''Officer Cheesesteak''': Both pants look really nice. They both look really expensive. I wish I had nice things, but instead I have two cats -- two expensive cats!
:'''Officer Snow Leopard''': Well, if you ask me, a flat-front pant never goes out of style.
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': Look, Sarge, a woman doesn't care about how a guy is dressed on her first date -- only that he pays attention to her.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': And how would you know that?
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': Hello?! I'm a woman.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': You are?
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': ''[close up on her face]'' Yes!
:'''Officer Po-boy''': Just remember -- girls love it when you're a real jerk to 'em. Works for me every time. ''[gloomy]'' That's a lie. I'm so lonely.
:'''Beaver Cop''': Beaver Cop says, you should arrest her and force her to go out with you. I'm Beaver Cop.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Look, this is getting me nowhere. I haven’t had a date in twelve years, okay? Twelve! That’s a long time! That’s 84 in dog years!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[covered in chocolate pudding]'' Can’t you see I’m completely covered in pudding?!
:'''Officer Grinder''': Pudding! ''[chanting]'' Pudding! Pudding! Pudding! ''[picks up Endive and eats the pudding off her]''
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Officer Grinder, no! Put that citizen down! That’s in order. ''[Officer Grinder sets Endive down]'' Sorry about that.
:'''Ms. Endive''': It’s okay. I think he worked out the knot in my back. ''[falls flat on the ground with a clang]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': I know my rights! I wanna call my lawyer!
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[sobbing]'' Radda radda radda radda!
:'''Chowder''': This is traumatizing me! Now I'm gonna grow up to be strange and socially awkward!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Puppet Clock''': You're gonna be late. For your date! FOR YOUR DATE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Officer Sloppy Joe''': ''[interrogating Shnitzel]'' All right, tough guy. You better come clean right now, ‘cause your little friend over there just spilled the beans.
:''[Chowder stands next to the spilled jar of beans while Officer Po-boy scoops it all up with a shovel]''
:'''Chowder''': I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': What is going on here?! Has he confessed yet to desecrating my beautiful pool?!
:'''Mung Daal''': Only if you admit that you filled my air conditioner with shmarshmallows! ''[flashback to him, Chowder, Shnitzel, and the kitchen covered in shmarshmallows]'' Endive!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Never! I want you to pay for having my pool cleaned!
:'''Mung Daal''': Only if you pay for the buckets of tears I cry every time I see your face!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Only if you pay for the barf bags people use after they eat your cooking!
:'''Mung Daal''': Only if you pay for the extra zip code for your big mouth!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': So, does this happen a lot?
:'''Officer Cheesesteak''': Only to the sarge.
:'''Chowder''': Why do women hate him?
:'''Officer Cheesesteak''': I don’t know. They just do. They just do.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': ''[steaming and growling; yelling]'' THAT’S IT! EVERYONE, GET OUT! I WANT TO BE ALONE! GO ON! GET!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': No money means... ''[Scene changes to the voice actors of the main characters]'' no animation!
:'''Tara Strong (Truffles)''': What are we gonna do?
:'''John DiMaggio (Shnitzel)''': Radda radda.
:'''Dwight Schultz (Mung Daal)''': No, we are not going home! We've got to save the show.
:'''Nicky Jones (Chowder)''': But where are we gonna get the money to pay for it?
:''[the voice actors of the main characters come up with an idea by washing cars, and sure enough, succeeded]''
:'''Dwight Schultz (Mung Daal)''': I think we've made enough... ''[Scene changes back to animation style]'' to get the animation back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[as soup lands in his face burning and screams in pain]'' My beautiful, expensive face! ''[his makeover is washed away]''
:'''Truffles''': ''[gasps in shock]'' Mung?! ''[growls angrily at him]'' This isn’t a dream!
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, yes it is.
:'''Truffles''': No! You’re ''never'' in my dreams. What have you done?!
:'''Chowder''': We spent all the money - that’s what.
:'''Truffles''': ''[gasps]'' Empty? You’re gonna pay me back every last sment!

===The Party Cruise/Won Ton Bombs [2.7]===
:'''Man #1''': Why aren't those guys weren't in thongs? Oh, why would you go on a cruise and not wear a thong?
:'''Man #2''': OH, WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO???

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Mung sees Shnitzel wearing a hula skirt]''
:'''Mung''': Chowder, I think we've lost Shnitzel to the dark side. Guess it's just you and me, pal.
:'''Chowder''': But, Mung, the dark side looks a lot brighter.
:'''Mung''': You know, fishing is a great way for men to bond. We've got nothing but time out here. Did I ever tell you the story of my famous 1,000-day fishing trip?
:'''Chowder''': How many days?
:'''Mung''': 1,000.
:'''Chowder''': Oh, my gosh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mung mutters, literally shriveling up with insanity, then turns to Chowder]''
:'''Mung''': Chowder... Sweetheart... Dear Boy... The Blufferfish got away ... Because you and your friend Shnitzel wanted to be ''[looking cute and buck-toothed, waving his hands]'' a couple of [[w:Charlie Wilson (Texas politician)#&quot;Good Time Charlie&quot;|Good Time Charlies]]!
:'''Charlie #1''': You wanted to be us? How silly!
:'''Charlie #2''': Come on, Charlie! Let's go have a good time!
:''[The Good-time Charlies leave, laughing. Horn honks off-screen]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': I don't want--
:'''Lo Mein''': NO! Sit down. It's story time.
:'''Truffles''': Did someone say stories? About Mung's past?
:'''Shnitzel''': Ooh! Radda!
:'''Hamhock''': Stories? We like stories! Right, Marzipan City? ''[Mazipan City cheers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': Chowder! If I met my past self, it could unravel the space-time continuum.
:'''Chowder''': But what does the space-time condiminium have to do with... wait? What're we talking about?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''(gasp)'' IT'S YOU AS A KID! You were so green! So... greeeeen... ''[starts running towards Young Mung frantically]'' Hiiii. I'm Chooooowder. I know you in the fuuuuutuuure! Fuuuutuure! ''[Mung pulls Chowder away]'' FUTURE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': Now, Chowder! Do it, now! ''[Chowder rips off his clothes and runs around naked]''
:'''Chowder''': Label! Label, label, label! I need a label! Something that tells me what I am! Am I a rabbit? A cat? A baby hippopotamus? This is so uncomfortable! Somebody please label me before it's too late!
:''[Mung quickly switches the bad Won Ton Bomb dish with the good Won Ton Bomb dish]''
:'''Mung''': ''[whispers]'' I've got it, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': ''[calmly]'' That is all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': Remember what I've told you, Chowder.
:'''Chowder''': Never eat barbed wire.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Mung''': Oh ladies! You want some squats with that order? ''(starts squatting)''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Mung''': What the heck are those?
:'''Lo Mein''': Those are LADIES.
:'''Young Mung''': Ladies?
:'''Lo Mein''': No, no, no. LADIES.
:'''Lady''': Oh my! I could order a million of you!!!
:'''Young Mung''': LADIES!!!

===Big Ball/The Brain Freeze [2.12]===
:'''Mung''': Shh! It's bad luck not to say the ''whole'' name. Now let me start over: Field Tournament Style Up And Down On The Ground Manja Flanja Blanja Banja Ishka Bibble Babble Flabble Doma Roma Floma Boma Jingle Jangle Every Angle Bricka Bracka Flacka Stacka Two Ton Rerun Free For All... Big Ball.

===Endive's Dirty Secret/Big Food [2.14]===
:'''Chowder''': WHOA, THAT WAS Close!
:'''Mung Daal''': You said it. Now let's skedaddle before those hounds -- 
:'''Shnitzel''': [ Gasps ] R-radda!!
:'''Mung Daal''' : Shnitzel, what are you talking about?
:'''Shnitzel''': Rad-da!
:'''Mung Daal''': What? What do want me to look at? [ Gasps ] ew! it's endive! Oh, my lord! Oh, what is she–
:'''Chowder''': Mung. What, what, who, who, why?! It's like some horrible accident! I can't look away!
:'''Mung Daal''': Oh, if only I had a camera!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda, radda.
:'''Mung Daal''': Thanks, Shnitzel. Good thing you carry this high-powered camera everywhere you go.  [ Camera shutter clicking ] 
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ gasps ] No! [ Growling ]
:'''Mung Daal''': Hey, guys, i wonder what endive will say when she finds out we captured her dirty secret on film? 
:'''Both''': Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, humina.
:'''Mung Daal''': What -- take more pictures? Shnitzel, this zoom lens is great!
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ Growling ] MUNG! [ Breathing heavily ]
:''' Mung Daal''': [ Chuckles nervously ]
:'''Ms. Endive''': Give me that camera!
:'''Mung Daal''': We'll give you this camera if you let us in your pool.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Never! Give me that camera!
:'''Mung Daal''': Woman, you will let us take a dip in your pool, or we'll show these pictures to everybody.
:'''Ms. Endive''': You wouldn't dare.
:'''Mung Daal''': Try me.
:'''Ms. Endive''': No, forget it! I-i-i'm calling your bluff!
:'''Mung Daal''': [ Sighs ] I didn't want to have to do it this way, endive -- really didn't. Everyone to the farmers' market!! 
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ Gasps ] No! no! no! No! no! no! no! no! no! [ Gasps ] my reputation will be ruined! Aah! Get back here! No! No! no! no! No! No! no! No! Wha?
:'''Mung Daal''': Blah, blah, endive, blah, blah, blah! Check it out!
:'''Gazpacho''': Mm-hmm. And what are we looking at? Mama, no! [ Gags ] [ vomits ] I'm all right. I'm not all right! [ Vomits violently ] That Ms. Endive, she's disgusting! And that picture of her is gross too. Bada bing, I've got a million of 'em!
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ Breathing heavily ]
:'''Mung Daal''': Well, hello, endive.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Give it to me!
:'''Mung Daal''': Unh-unh-unh-unh, I told you -- I'll let you have it when you allow us into your pool.
:'''Ms. Endive''':  I will never allow grubby cretins like you to frolic in my pool! Never!
:'''Mung Daal''': Well, you leave me no choice. Endive pictures! Embarrassing endive pictures! Get your endive pictures right here! See what everyone is talking about!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Okay, fine! I will allow you to use my pool just this once. But in ever want those pictures seen by anyone ever again!

===Paint the Town/The Blackout [2.15]===
:'''Mung Daal''': ''(After arriving in Chowderland)'' Honey, you're not gonna believe what Chowder has done!
:'''Truffles''': How do you know it's Chowder?
:'''Mung Daal''': He signed his name on the lower right-hand corner.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During the credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Shnitzel, Shnitzel, pull my finger!
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Please.
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': I’ll be your best friend.
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda!
:'''Puppet Chowder''': PULL MY FINGER!
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda, radda, radda!
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[begging]'' Come on! 
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': ''[annoyingly grabs Puppet Chowder’s finger and his whole arm comes off]'' Radda.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Maybe you better get some tape.

===The Dice Cycle/The Chain Recipe [2.16]===
:'''Chowder''': Oh, why was I cursed like this Mung? With such short legs? If only I had something to ride on. Something with two wheels. And with handlebars. And is red. And it's in the garage. Your Dice Cycle, I wanna ride your Dice Cycle.
:'''Mung Daal''': Yes, I know what you're referring to and the answer is &quot;No&quot;! You'll wreck it.
:'''Chowder''': No I won't! I swear on the soul of my poor dead cooking master!
:'''Mung Daal''': I'm not dead.
:'''Chowder''': You could be if you tried.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': If Mung won't make the chain recipe, then Mung ''will'' make the chain recipe!
:'''Colonel Chicken Chowder Look-alike''': I declare I do not understand I declare.
:'''Chowder''': That's because you're not supposed to understand until after the wipe.
:'''Colonel Chicken Chowder Look-alike''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Truffles''': ''[holding on to a tree as the wind blows away her clothes, hat, and hair; to the audience]'' Don't you look at me!

===The Garden/Sheboodles! [2.17]===
:'''Chowder''': For match of luggage. And out for [[incesticide]]!

===Gazpacho Moves In/My Big Fat Stinky Wedding [2.18]===
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, this is the third time I've told you not to take our glasses, so I'm going to have to... PUNISH YOU.
:'''Chowder''': You don't kid around with your punishments.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Hi, are you a mirror?
:'''Porridge''': ''[rubbing his nose]'' No. I'm a foreign exchange apprentice. My name is, Porridge. And I'm living with Kimchi's family for the summer. Huh. Who are you supposed to be?
:'''Chowder''': I'm supposed to be Chowder, Kimchi's best friend.
:'''Porridge''': Ha! No, who are you really?
:'''Chowder''': Ch-Chowder, Kimchi's best friend.
:'''Porridge''': Well, I guess if you say so. Dinner has already begun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chowder, Porridge, Kimchi and his family eat dinner around the table]''
:'''Chowder''': Yes, Kimchi's mom. Yes, I do think Kimchi's...new bride is... beautiful. Just can it, Kimchi. She's got a bag over her head. I bet she's all warty, or has an extra eye.
:'''Porridge''': Actually, Chowder, the rich and ancient culture of Kimchi's people ''forbids'' the groom from seeing his bride's face before the wedding.
:'''Chowder''': Wow! So is she burned with acid?
:'''Porridge''': Yes, that is also tradition.
:'''Chowder''': How do you know all this junk about Kimchi's culture? Kimchi never talks about any of this stuff.
:'''Porridge''': That's because Kimchi's ashamed of his culture. Why else would he leave his home and his two loving parents, and always go live with an outside with weird hat, like ''YOU''?
:'''Chowder''': Is this true, Kimchi? Is my hat weird?
:'''Porridge''': If you were really Kimchi's friend, you would know better than to be friends with him.
:'''Chowder''': But Kimchi always said in his culture, if someone saves your life, you have to be their friend until you can return the favor and save theirs!
:'''Porridge''': ''[gasps]'' Are you saying you saved Kimchi's life?
:'''Chowder''': No, for reals.

===A Faire to Remember/Tofu-Town Showdown [2.20]===
:'''Panini''': ''[pulls Chowder away from Marmalade]''  Oh there you are, Chowder. What's going on here? For a second there, it looked like you found a new ''[breaths fire from her mouth in a malicious tone]'' ''girlfriend''.
:'''Chowder''': Oh, you mean Marmalade. Well, she is a girl.
:'''Marmalade''': Guilty.
:'''Chowder''': And she is my friend.
:'''Marmalade''': Try me and convict me.
:'''Panini''': ''[laughs]'' Chowder, you get back over here right this second.
:'''Chowder''': But I don't wanna.
:'''Panini''': Now. Get over here, now.
:'''Chowder''': But, can I have more than one friend who's a girl?
:'''Panini''': No! Don't test me, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': What flavor lipstick are you wearing?
:'''Panini''': Smackdown. Now get over here!
:'''Chowder''': Um, I think I'd prefer to stay with starwbarbelberry.
:'''Panini''': Chowder, ''[through gritted teeth]'' do not make me...
:'''Ceviche''': Panini, Panini, what comes after number 29?
:'''Panini''': ''[to Ceviche]'' Ceviche, I told you not to---

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Panini''': ''[crying]'' Oh, Chowder, how could you do this to me?!
:'''Ceviche''': On a scale of 1 to 10, how desperate would you say you are right now?
:'''Panini''': 11!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gyoza''': Shnitzelson, I finally found you. Didn't think your mysterious past could catch up to you now, did you?
:'''Chowder''': Mysterious past? Shnitzel... Ohh!
:'''Gyoza''': I've finally lured you back here, so that I can have vengeance for what you did to my father.
:'''Chowder''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shnitzel, what's going on? I didn't know you had a mysterious past. That's so cool!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shnitzel elbows Chowder, waking him up while he fell asleep through the whole flashback story]''
:'''Chowder''': Sorry. I fell asleep. Can you repeat that?
:'''Gyoza''': Now, he must pay for his failure. He must ''FACE THE MUSIC.''
:''[The Sukiyaki Yuza fighters start singing the show’s theme song which starts getting Shnitzel on his nerves and he falls flat on the ground]''
:'''Chowder''': Hey, fish lady, I don't see what the big deal is. Why don't we just go over there and get Shabu Shabu back?
:'''Gyoza''': Impossible! It's too dangerous. Only a skilled meat fighter can face the awesome power of Peking Duck.
:'''Chowder''': Well, what about Shnitzel? He was pretty awesome in the flashback.
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[lifts up his head]'' Radda?
:'''Gyoza''': You have a point, chunky purple one. Very well. If you two rescue my father, Shnitzel's honor among the Sukiyaki Yuza will be restored.
:'''Chowder''': All right!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Shnitzel, hey, Shnitzel! How do you like these cool disguises I made? Now we can totally blend in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peking Duck''': Well, well, well. We meet again my pathetic old friend. I have waited a long time for this. I see you want this cookie. ''[smoke appears and lifts revealing himself; laughs]'' You will have to get through the meal I prepared for you first!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Teriyaki Triads''': ''[to Shnitzel]'' You! ''[push Chowder to Shnitzel]'' Please, take him home! His singing is horrible!
:'''Chowder''': I love karaoke!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gyoza''': You did it. But, where's my father?
:'''Chowder''': ''[coughs up Shabu Shabu and burps]'' Sorry, I just wanted the cookie. ''[burps again; narrating]'' And so, Shnitzel, the greatest meat fighter that ever lived, restored his honor, and brought peace back to all of Tofu-Town. The end.
:'''Mung Daal''': You ate the delivery again, didn't you?
:'''Chowder''': Oh, sorry.
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda! ''[facepalms himself]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[reading note]'' &quot;Do not eat. This means you, Chowder. Love Mung.&quot; Gotta stay strong, gotta stay strong, gotta stay strong.
:'''Puppet Pizza''': So that's it? You're not eating me?
:'''Puppet Chowder''': No, no I want to but, Mung said-
:'''Puppet Pizza''': Look kid, if people listen to notes nothing would get done in this world. Notes are really more like guidelines. It said, &quot;Do not eat.&quot; Didn't say &quot;Do not eat pizza.&quot; 
:''[Little later... Puppet Mung notices the pizza's gone]''
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': You ate it, didn't you?
:'''Puppet Pizza''': ''[from inside Puppet Chowder's stomach]'' No.

==Season 3==
===The Apprentice Scouts/The Belgian Waffle Slobber-Barker [3.3]===
:'''Mung''': There's only one thing we can do! Get some protection.
:'''Truffles''': You want I should call the cops?
:'''Mung''': Not that kind of protection.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda Radda Radda?
:'''Truffles''': No, not that kind of protection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During credits]''
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': ''[petting a cat]'' Yes, you radda. Yeah, you... ''[sees Puppet Truffles]'' Uh, uh... radda.
:'''Puppet Truffles''': Ha, ha. You did that, I'm gonna tell everyone about this. ''[flies off]''

===A Little Bit of Pizzazz!/The Birthday Suits [3.4]===
:''[While preparing an order for a customer, Chowder causes an explosion, and all the four to switch bodies]''
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': ''[groaning]'' What happened?
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': I'll tell you what happened-- you blew us into each other's bodies!
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': You mean, I'm in Shnitzel's body? Weird. Freaky weird.
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': That's right. And I'm in ''your'' body, Chowder.
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': And me in Mung's! ''[cries]'' Which can only mean Shnitzel is--
:'''Shnitzel/Truffles''': Radda?! ''[looks down and sees he has Truffles' breasts and breaks down, crying]'' Radda radda radda!
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': Good! Let him deal with all those for stinking hormones. I'm sick of it!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Now everybody, just relax. Man, Chowder's arms are short. The only way to get back to normal, is to find the &quot;Get back to Normal&quot; recipe book.
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': How convenient.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': ''[trying to reach the book from the shelf]'' I can't reach.
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': How 'bout Shnitzel's body gives you a boost? ''[lifts and launches Mung through the roof, over the sky, as he lands back crashing the shelf]'' I'm strong! SO STRONG!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Well, what do you wanna do with Shnitzel’s body first, Chowdie?
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': I wanna lift a heavy object!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': There’s a great big heavy one!
:'''Ms. Endive''': I beg your pardon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': Switching bodies is so fun.
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Yeah. This new body is great.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Truffles! What have you done to my face?!
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': Oh, it's a long story. Here, finish this order. ''[whines]'' I can't do anything right in your body.
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Well, I can't cook. I can't reach anything in these arms.
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': The kitchen is falling apart. What do we do?!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': That settles it -- we change back into ''our'' bodies A.S.A.P. ''[Chowder bursts out crying in a mental breakdown]'' Chowder! Chowder, what's the matter?
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': ''[crying]'' I don't wanna leave Shnitzel's body. Mung, I LOVE IT! Especially the part where I'm strong and tall. And strong!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Are you finished?
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': Yeah, I'm good. When do we change back to our bodies?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': I forgot how soft and pudgy my body is, compared to hard and cold Shnitzel's body was.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda. ''[lets go of the mop and walks off]''
:'''Ms. Endive/Mung Daal''': Well, I think you're all a bunch of billowy ninny swallows. Oh, good gravy! I'm in Mung Daal's body! And if I'm in his body, he must be in...
:''[Endive's kitchen; Mung is now in Endive's body as he screams horrifyingly in the reflection and starts going berserk]''
:'''Mung Daal/Endive''': Hey, this is kind of fun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rhino Lady''': Gelato, what is wrong with society today?
:'''Gelato''': Yes, yes, I dare say. If I see one more thing to upset my uptight sensibilities, then we would have to form an angry mob.
:''[The six people stop in front of Chowder, Mung, Shnitzel, and Truffles, stripped from their fruit suits; Gelato gasps and faints]''
:'''Rhino Lady''': Gelato?! Gelato! Those heathens have made Gelato faint! Get them!
:''[Mung, Chowder, Shnitzel, and Truffles start to run and scream as the angry mob chases after them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rhino Lady''': Really? Baby ducks.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Who doesn't like baby ducks?

===Weekend at Shnitzel's/Taste Buds [3.7]===
:'''Chowder''': This...is bo-o-o-o-ring! This is boring! You're boring, your life is boring, and this episode is boring!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Sugar...wearing off. So...tired. Must...go home...to die. ''[Shniztel feeds him soda]'' Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carlito''': Come back here, you! Come back here with my Mesquite! Not cool, man! Not cool!
:'''Chowder''': Huh. He was my ride.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carlito''': Krav Maga KICK! ''[kicks down the door]'' Ay-yi-yi!
:'''Shnitzel''': Uh...
:'''Carlito''': Get your hands off my Mesquite!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda! Radda radda radda! Radda radda!
:'''Carlito''': NO! You cannot be in love with her, because ''I'' am in love with her!
:'''Chowder''': You guys should, like, totally fight to the death for her. I mean, that’s what I would do. It would solve everything, you know. But it’s up to you guys. Really, I’m just saying. It’s a pretty good idea.
:'''Carlito''': Yes, the gordito is right. We must fight to the death like honorable men, no? AAAAH-YI!!! Oh, and one more thing. ''[sways his hand in Shnitzel’s face]'' KA-KAW! ''[Shnitzel grabs his arm and bites his hand and screams in pain]'' So, you think this is some kind of a game, huh?! Well, trust me, this is ''no'' game!

===Gazpacho!/The Toots [3.8]===
:'''Gorgonzola''': What is the meaning of all this hubub?
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[with tears of joy welling up in his eyes]'' Chowder just made the most beautiful singing.
:'''Gazpacho''': (Yawns) Man! I'm Tired! I'm Hungry!

===Chowder Grows Up [3.9]===
:'''Kabob''': You have a meeting in five minutes, Mr. Gorgonzola. Sir.
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': Kabob, I thought I told you to wear your uniform!
:'''Kabob''': Yes, but--
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': Put it on. ''[Kabob puts on Chowder's clothes and hat]'' Ha! Look at you, Chowder. Look, I have become terrifically successful! And what are you? A pathetic stooge!
:'''Kabob''': Please, sir, can I take off my uniform now?
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': NO! Say what Chowder would say!
:'''Kabob''': I'm chubby?
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': It's not the same! Don't look at me! ''[picks up his office desk]'' I NEED CHOWDER TO BE MY RIVAL!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last scene of the series]''
:'''Adult Chowder''': Nah, we we're cute kids.
:'''Adult Panini''': Yeah.
:'''Adult Chowder''': But, seriously, no more babies. Okay?
:'''Scraps''': ''[on top of the runaway babies]'' Help! Help! The babies got me!
:'''Adult Panini''': Okay, I'll stop.
:'''Adult Chowder''': ''[runs off]'' Babies, no! Put Scraps down!
:''[as the Adult Chowder runs after the babies, there are crashes heard and the book closes to the front cover]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[last credits of the series]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Schnitzel, I had the craziest dream, it was 20 years to the future, what do you think it means?
:'''Puppet Schnitzel''': Rada-rada.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Wow Schnitzel, I just had a dream, that had a dream you we're explaining my dream and the dream. What is suppose it means?
:'''Puppet Schnitzel''': Rada-rada, rada-rada.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[last lines]'' Schnitzel, I just had a dream, that had a dream, that had a dream thaat you we're explaining my dream and the dream that you we're dreaming. What is suppose it means?

==Cast==
*Chowder - [[w:Nicky Jones (actor)|Nicky Jones]]
*Truffles - {{w|Tara Strong}}
*Mung Daal - {{w|Dwight Schultz}}
*Schnitzel - {{w|Kevin Michael Richardson}}

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
      <sha1>helktgcnyanjvo1vxxl1yd5qfxe57wx</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146112</id>
      <parentid>3146111</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T22:42:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>71.120.246.126</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* A Faire to Remember/Tofu-Town Showdown [2.20] */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="59704" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Chowder (TV series)|Chowder]]''''' is an American animated television series created by C. H. Greenblatt for Cartoon Network. The series follows an aspiring young chef apprentice named Chowder and his day-to-day adventures in Chef Mung Daal's catering company.

==Theme Song==
:'''Mung Daal''': ♫''You take the moon and you take the sun,''♫
:'''Chowder''': ♫''You take everything that seems like fun.''♫
:'''Truffles''': ♫''You stir it all up and when you're done,''♫
:'''Shnitzel''': ♫ ''Radda radda radda radda radda radda. (You share a big piece with everyone.)''♫
:'''Chorus''': ♫ ''So come on in, feel free to do some looking / Stay a while, 'cause something's always cooking / Come on in, feel free to do some looking / Stay a while, 'cause something's always cooking'' ♫ Yeah!
:''[Applause]''

==Season 1==
===The Froggy Apple Crumble Thumpkin/Chowder's Girlfriend (1.1)===
:''[After a stink sac explodes on Shnitzel]''
:'''Mung Daal''': Oh, Shnitzel! What did you eat, man?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gazpacho''': How long have you two lovebirds been going steady?
:'''Panini''': I'm Chowder's girlfriend! And Chowder's my boyfriend! And we're totally gonna be there forever and ever! And now, we're holding hands!
:''(Chowder does a Spit-Take. He continues doing a spit-take on his way back to the catering company. He continues doing a spit-take back at the catering company. He continues doing a spit-take while reading a book, mopping the floor, eating dinner, brushing his teeth, and being in bed. The next morning, Chowder stops using a Spit-Take)''
:'''Chowder''': ''(to Kimchi)'' I don't wanna be a boyfriend! Boyfriends have to do all kinds of weird stuff; like write poetry and hold hands and hold hands, and be together forever! Forever's a long time!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Panini''': Oh, hi, Chowder.
:'''Chowder''': I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND! Hey, are those cookies?
:'''Panini''': I made them for you.
:'''Chowder''': ''(eats a cookie)'' Thanks.
:'''Panini''': No problem. That's what girlfriends do.
:'''Chowder''': ''(upon leaving Endive's)'' Girlfriends, huh? ''(realizes)'' Aw, man!

===Burple Nurples/Shnitzel Makes a Deposit (1.2)===
:'''Chowder''': Why won't you trust me as a chef, Mung?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mung''': Woman, I need all the cash we got right now! Don't ask questions!
:'''Truffles''': I have ONE...
:'''Mung''': Yes, it's Chowder-related.
:'''Truffles''': ''[hands Mung some money]'' Fine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mung''': ''[in a Scottish accent]'' Don't eat that nurple!
:'''Gorgonzola''': Why, old man?
:'''Mung''': Because...because, it is calling out to me. I need that exact nurple.
:'''Gorgonzola''': Uhhh...
:'''Mung''': Here, here, I'll give you 10 dollops.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 100 dollops!
:'''Mung''': What is it with you kids? I'll give 20.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 200 dollops!
:'''Mung''': 50.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 300 dollops.
:'''Mung''': Oh, my golly! 75.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 350!
:'''Mung''': 80!
:'''Gorgonzola''': 360!
:'''Mung''': 85!
:'''Chowder''': 800,000!
:'''Mung''': ''[to Chowder in his normal voice]'' Stay out of this! ''[back to his Scottish accent]'' 85!
:'''Gorgonzola''': 400 dollops.
:'''Mung''': 4 hun?! Okay, fine! 400 dollops! Now, give me that nurple! ''[leaves]''
:'''Gorgonzola''': I think I might need another nurple. Here's 5 dollops.
:'''Mung''': 10 dollops.
:'''Gorgonzola''': 600 dollops!
:'''Mung''': Oh, I am so tempted to let you eat that nurple!
:''[Gorgonzola is sitting on a sack of money with Mung holding all the burple nurples]''
:'''Chowder''': Thank you, come again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Chowder''': I've never been to the bank. Do they have snacks there?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Chowder and Shnitzel walk up to the Marzipan City Bank]''
:'''Chowder''': Whoa! It smells like floor wax in here.
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[to Chowder, sternly]'' Radda radda radda.
:'''Chowder''': Okay, okay. I won't touch anything. ''[floats with his feet not touching the floor]''
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda?
:'''Chowder''': Well, I can't follow you, 'cause then I'd be touching the floor, and you said-
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda, radda radda radda.
:'''Chowder''': So I ''can'' touch the floor? You need to make up your mind.

===Grubble Gum/The Cinnamini Monster (1.3)===
:'''Mung Daal''': Good gravy, what's gotten into you and ''onto'' you?
:'''Chowder''': I swallowed a whole bunch of grubble gum.
:'''Mung Daal''': Oh, sweet peas. Please tell me you shared with Truffles!
:'''Chowder''': ''[remorseful]'' No.
:'''Mung Daal''': Why?! Why didn't you share?!
:'''Chowder''': I ate it all by accident!
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, I may be an old man but I don't want to die today! We gotta get rid of this gum before Truffles sees it!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda radda?
:'''Mung Daal''': No, we can't chuck him in the furnace.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Sweet grapes of wrath, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': Hey, Mung Daal. I can see up your nose! You got boogers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Help! Mung Daal, I'm inside the tree!
:''[The Cinnamini Monster closes the blinds]''

===The Wrong Address/The Wrong Customer (1.5)===
:'''Mung Daal''': My kitchen! My beautiful kitchen, what happened?!
:''[Marzipan City Police officers Po-boy and Cheeseteak carry Truffles to the back of the police van]''
:'''Truffles''': ''[straining]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[getting pepper sprayed; screams]'' PEPPER SPRAY!!
:'''Chowder''': Pepper spray? That sounds delicious. ''[gets pepper sprayed]'' AAH! I was wrong! I was horribly wrong!
:'''Rump Roast''': Serves you both right. ''[gets pepper sprayed]'' AAH! AAH! Ow! What did you do that lady?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Truffles''': Hey, what is this thing?
:'''Shnitzel''': Pfft. Radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': Oh, the customer. Wait, do you realize what this means?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda?
:'''Truffles''': The customer came to pick up his own order. ''[facepalms herself]'' Ugh, and my idiot husband just left to deliver it. Who knows how long until he gets back? You keep an eye on him, until Dummy McDumbalot comes home.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': Cleaning or no cleaning, you will watch him, or I'll rip your -- oh, hello. Don't worry. Shnitzel here will take care of you until your order is ready. That's what we pay him for.
:'''Mr. Sambal''': Ah, towels. ''[strips off Shnitzel's apron, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Truffles''': Okay, that's disgusting.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Truffles''': What are you doing? This place is still a pigsty. And where's the customer?!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Truffles''': The oven? You put the customer in the oven? What, are you crazy?!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda. Radda radda radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': He put himself in the oven? The little old man walked in the oven by himself?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda!
:'''Truffles''': Would you please hand me that pot over there? ''[Shnitzel hands her the frying pan and bashes him on the head; angrily yelling]'' I’M NOT PAYING TO TO BAKE A CUSTOMER! ''[flies off]'' I’M PAYING YOU TO CLEAN!!
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[annoyingly mimicking Truffles]'' &quot;Radda radda radda, radda radda radda.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[noticing the Marzipan Police outside, surprised]'' Radda? Radda. Radda radda radda radda!
:'''Officer Sloppy Joe''': Hey, look, a civilian!
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': ''[gasps; takes out a megaphone]'' We've got a hostage situation. Everybody stay calm!
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': A hostage situation? ''[faints]''
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[surprised]'' Radda?
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Don't let his size fool you. Your captor is extremely dangerous.
:'''Officer''': And crafty.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': And crafty.
:'''Officer''': And vicious.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': And vicious.
:'''Officer Monte Cristo''': And dangerous.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': I said, &quot;And dangerous.&quot;
:'''Officer Monte Cristo''': I'm just trying to help. Don't yell at me.
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': Technically, you said, &quot;extremely dangerous.&quot;
:'''Officer Grinder''': Sarge, Sarge, say he's stinky.
:'''Officer PB&amp;J''': And a meanie.
:'''Officer Snow Leopard''': And a bad boy.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Really?
:'''Officer Snow Leopard''': Yeah.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Wow. Well, he's all that stuff. We've been trying to stop his trail of destruction for years. Don't worry. One of us will save you, in just a minute.
:''[The police officers walk around chairs in a circle]''
:'''Officer Sloppy Joe''': ''[humming and clap rhythming &quot;Pop Goes the Weasel&quot;]'' And stop!
:''[The officers sit in chairs leaving the sarge standing]''
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': No, no, no, do it again.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Truffles''': I don't know where the customer went.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda radda radda!
:'''Truffles''': Huh, in danger? ''You'' are the only danger here.
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[grabs Truffles' hand]'' Radda radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': Let go of me! I'm not leaving.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda.
:'''Truffles''': No. No more cockamamie stories. You just want to leave work 'cause you're lazy.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda?
:'''Truffles''': You heard me. La-a-a-a-a-zy!
:'''Shnitzel''': Ah, ah! Radda radda radda radda radda!
:'''Truffles''': RADDA RADDA RADDA! Radda.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During the end credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': I just had a dream that you were a great big, delicious sandwich, but you didn't have any cheese on you. Why didn't you have any cheese, Mung?
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': That's a question for another time, my boy.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Shnitzel was in my dream, too, except he was a big cup of cloffee with cream and sugar.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': Well, that makes sense.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': And then I realized, I become a big carrot!
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': What happened next?
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[as a big carrot]'' I don't know, you tell me.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' Oh, what? What? Huh?
:'''Puppet Chowder''': You were sleeping, Mung. Sheesh.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': You don't know what you're missin'...
:'''Puppet Chowder''': If you aren't in the kitchen.

===Mahjongg Night/Stinky Love (1.6)===
:'''Truffles''': ''[hits Chowder on the head with a frying pan]'' HANDS OFF! The ladies will be here any minute to play Mahjongg.
:'''Chowder''': But I didn’t get to taste yet.
:'''Truffles''': Ah, ah, ah. These foods are for the ladies only. Are you a lady?
:'''Chowder''': If I say &quot;yes,&quot; can I have one?
:'''Truffles''': ''[hits Chowder on the head with the frying pan again]'' You already had dinner! I need both of you out of the kitchen, NOW! ''[door opens and Truffles' lady friends enter]'' Oh, the ladies!
:'''Empanada''': Oh, so adorable! I could just eat you up! ''[Chowder blushes, but is moved out of the way]'' Out of the way, Chowder! I've been waiting ''all'' week for these meviled eggs! ''[scarfs the eggs]''
:'''Kasha''': Save some for the rest of us, Empanada.
:'''Chutney''': You eat it all again, and I'm gonna kill you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Truffles''': Hey! ''[turns to the back]'' I thought I heard something.
:''[Chowder snores as he pretends to be asleep]''
:'''Kasha''': Don't get too distracted, Truffles. I want you to see when I ''beat'' you this hand.
:'''Truffles''': Oh, you will ''[turns back]'' NOT beat me! The only beating you will see is your own!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Rats. I guess those ''weren’t'' meviled eggs, huh? Hey, I bet if I go down and apologize, Truffles will reward me for being so professional.
:'''Kiwi''': Now that’s some good thinking, Chowder.
:'''Chowder''': ''[notices his doorway unknowingly blocked up by Truffles]'' Weird. Someone accidentally blocked up my door. Hmm.
:'''Citizen''': ''[from below]'' Hey kid! What the heck are you doing up there?
:'''Chowder''': I'm going to apologize so Truffles will give me meviled eggs!
:'''Citizen''': Oh. Well, good luck with that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Hey, Truffles, I'm sorry about earlier. So can I have an egg now? ''[the strong wind blows the colors off Truffles' body, leaving the outlines]'' Uh-oh. ''[runs up back to his room, again, screaming, as Truffles flies after him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Finally! ''[stuffs a meviled egg in his mouth and ends up spitting it out]'' That’s disgusting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[talking while sleeping]'' Why, yes, I would love thirds, thank you. ''[Kimchi wakes him up]'' Good morning, Kimchi. Who wants some breakfast? Who wants some breakfast? I do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kimchi circles around Shnitzel]''
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[disgusted]'' Ughhh! Radda radda radda!
:'''Chowder''': Aw, Shnitzel, that's just Kimchi's way of saying he likes you. Wanna see Kimchi's way of saying he needs to go to the bathroom?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[after Chowder sniffs the glumberger cheese]'' Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between good cheese and bad feet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, is the cobbler okay?
:'''Chowder''': Yes, but I'm leaving it with Kimchi.
:'''Mung Daal''': What?!
:'''Chowder''': I think they're in love!
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, I understand being in love with a cobbler more than anyone, but we’ve got a customer who expects the dish to be ''love-free''!
:'''Chowder''': But the dish makes him happy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Well, Kimchi, being a ladies' man myself, I have to say; it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
:'''Chowder''': What does that mean?
:'''Mung Daal''': It means love stinks.

===Gazpacho Stands Up (1.8)===
:''[Chowder writes on the screen only for Gazpacho to notice]''
:'''Gazpacho''': Hey! Don't write there!
:'''Chowder''': Why not? ''[realizes his mistake]'' Oh. ''[he tries scribbling it out]'' There we go. ''[realizing he has only made it worse]'' Oh no!
:'''Gazpacho''': Stop! I can fix it! ''[camera zooms too far out]'' Not from there, get closer! ''[camera zooms back in]'' Closer. ''[camera zooms in once again]'' Okay. ''[he sprays on Chowder's handwriting and wipes it off]'' There.
:'''Chowder''': ''[finds the 2004-2010 Cartoon Network screen bug]'' What about that one?
:'''Gazpacho''': ''[taps on the bug]'' Yeah, that one doesn't come off. I tried.

===At Your Service/Chowder and Mr. Fugu (1.12)===
:'''Mung Daal''': Listen up woman, that mood fruit is mine!
:'''Ms. Endive''': As usual, nothing but crazy talk from your lips.
:'''Mung Daal''': I'll tell you what's crazy -- this rump of yours, that's what's crazy! Now will you kindly move it out of my way?
:'''Ms. Endive''': I'd be happy to oblige, Mr. Daal. Whoops! ''[shoves Mung aside with her rump]''
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[spins around and falls in a hole; calling to Chowder]'' Chowder, kick it enough high gear!
:'''Chowder''': High gear, comin' up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Panini''': Num-nums! Are you ''[rubs Chowder on the cheek]'' okay?
:'''Chowder''': Please don't touch me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': You know, ''[puts the mood fruit on around her neck]'' I love the way these exotic mood fruits change color according to one's mood. ''[the mood fruit colors change to brown, her happiness]''
:'''Chowder''': ''[whispering]'' They're due to brown.
:'''Mung Daal''': Shh.
:'''Panini''': I think they look lovely on you Ms. Endive.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Yes. Yes, they do. And do you know what would look lovely on these two? Grease!
:'''Chowder and Mung''': Grease?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Grease!
:''[Mung and Chowder are in a big bowl scooping up all the grease]''
:'''Mung Daal''': I don't know how that woman thinks we're gonna get all this cold grease cleaned up when she keeps... ''[Endive pours more grease on them]'' pouring more on our heads!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': This ain't gonna be fun.
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[mood fruit colors change to red, her anger; turns to Mung, threateningly]'' You! You can try your little tricks, you can play your little childish games, but rest assured, I will break you! ''[mood fruit colors change to black, her fury; later, drags Mung and Chowder to a cell door below her kitchen]''
:'''Mung Daal''': Woman, I will never say you're better than me!
:'''Chowder''': Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Panini, unlock the cell.
:'''Panini''': Yes, ma'am. ''[unlocks the cell door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Bacon?! ''[opens his mouth and the mama bird feeds him her barf; grossed out]'' That's ''not'' bacon!

===The Vacation/The Sleep Eater (1.13)===
:'''Truffles''': ''[yelling]'' '''I SAID WE'RE CLOSED!!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, nobody ever exploded having to go &quot;number 1.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': We Made it! And the water's perfect.
:'''Chowder''': ''(sighs)'' Oh, yeah.
:''(Both Mung and Schnitzel realize that Chowder has peed in the ocean and they both swim away screaming as some fishes swim away screaming too)''

===The Bruised Bluenana/Shnitzel and the Lead Farfel (1.14)===
:'''Mung Daal''': What just happened?!
:'''Chowder''': ''[pokes Shnitzel's hand]'' You're all squishy. Like a big marshmallow! ''[bites Shnitzel's hand, causing Shnitzel to scream in pain]'' Geh! You do not ''taste'' like a marshmallow.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda, radda. ''[touches his hand]''
:'''Mung Daal''': Shnitzel, have you gone soft?!
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[panicking]'' Radda. Radda radda radda! Ra-raddaradda radda!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lead Farfel''': So, you dare challenge the dreaded Lead Farfel? I will crush you like the worthless worm you are!
:'''Mother''': But he’s just a baby.
:'''Lead Farfel''': Then he will surely fail!
:'''Mother''': I just wanted directions to the library, jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': Each line represents how far the last person was able to carry the Farfel.
:'''Chowder''': ''[spots a line with Shnitzel's name on it]'' Hey, this one says &quot;Shnitzel.&quot;
:'''Lead Farfel''': ''[wakes up]'' Shnitzel?! Have you come to gloat on victories past?
:'''Chowder''': No. Shnitzel's totally weak now. He can't even lift a pickle jar.
:''[Shnitzel groans and cries]''
:'''Lead Farfel''': ''[laughs]'' Can't even lift a pickle jar. How does that make you feel, little man? Does it burn you with shame? ''[sniffs]'' Ahhh. I can smell your failure. It's a most delicious aroma.
:'''Mung Daal''': Use that shame, Shnitzel! Be its master, poke it in the gut, call it &quot;Grandpa.&quot; We'll whip up that mushy body of yours back into shape, and when you can move the farfel, you will once more be strong!
:'''Lead Farfel''': Regain your former glory, Shnitzel, or be squashed like a BUG!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lead Farfel''': Final distance -- 6 inches... ''backwards''! ''[laughs]'' Once again, the weak have been crushed, baby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Shnitzel, what color is the universe? What if the sky smelled like fish? Who designed our brains? What comes after the letter &quot;Z&quot;? Do you believe in alternate dimensions? Do you believe in ghosts? Do you believe in alternate ghosts? Shnitzel, how much more could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Shnitzel, what makes you cry?
:''[Puppet Shnitzel looks at Puppet Chowder for a second, and turns with a tear dripping from his eye]''

===The Thousand Pound Cake/The Rat Sandwich (1.15)===
:'''Truffles''': Why didn’t I just do that in the first place?
:'''Mung Daal''': Because I ''really'' look good in this dress.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reuben''': I guess now you’ll be taking care of me forever.
:'''Chowder''': I don’t think so.
:'''Reuben''': Huh?
:'''Mung Daal''': Huh?
:'''Chowder''': I used to think a dead rat was just a delicious-sounding treat, but I learned rats are more than that. They’re hideous, disease-ridden scavengers. I may not look like you on the outside, ‘cause I wear clothes. But on the inside, where it counts, we’re exactly the same - starving!
:'''Chowder's Tummy''': ''[whimpering]'' Mr. Tummy’s gonna die!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During end credits]''
:'''Puppet Truffles''': Honey, does this dress make me look fat?
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': Ummmmm... Uhhhhh, uhhhhhhhhhhhh...uhhhhh...uhhh...uh...uh...uhhhhh...uhhhh...uhh...uhh...ohhh! Aaaah! Uhhhh... Aaaaah...ohhhhh!
:'''Puppet Truffles''': ''[shaking angrily, growling]'' You're dead to me. ''[flies away]''

===Shnitzel Quits (1.17)===
:'''Dog Citizen''': Hey, that uh, that thing on your beak.
:'''Bird Citizen''': My snood?
:'''Dog Citizen''': Yeah, your snood. Seriously, dude, I can't even look at that thing. You gotta think about getting it removed.
:'''Bird Citizen''': My wife likes my snood.
:'''Dog Citizen''': You’re a lucky, lucky man. ''[Shnitzel walks past between]'' Man, that guy looks like he just quit a job he never thought he'd have to quit.
:'''Bird Citizen''': Bummer.
:'''Dog Citizen''': Okay, seriously, I'm gonna puke if I gotta keep lookin' at that thing.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': Be right there! ''[answers the door]'' What do you want?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda.
:'''Ms. Endive''': You're here about the job? ''[flees back inside and back to the door, wrapped in towels]'' Oh, I'm sorry. I just stepped out of the shower. So, you've come to your senses and want to work a ''real'' chef, huh?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Well, let me see if you're right for the position.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': He may have been bigger and stronger, but he was crazier! ''[starts crying]'' I MISS SHNITZEL!
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, please! Come on now! If you start crying, ''I'll'' start crying. ''[starts crying as well]'' I miss him, too!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda, radda radda radda.
:'''Ms Endive''': ''[heartbroken, confused]'' What? What do you mean this is just a job? I thought what we had was real. You-you came back for me, because you love me right? Right?!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda. ''[holds up a picture of him and a female rock]''
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[lividly]'' YOU, HAVE, A '''GIRLFRIEND'''?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Panini''': He jumped, Ms. Endive.
:'''Ms Endive''': They always do, my dear. They always do.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': ''[picks up Shnitzel and sets him down on a cloud, erases the chains off him and draws his outfit]'' There. All better. Hey, Shnitzel, it's me, your creator. Listen, dude, I'm telling you. You got to go back to Mung's.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda!
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': Don't you get it? Without you there, nothing's right! It's like the cosmos is out of whack!
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda radda, radda radda radda, radda radda radda!
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': They don't appreciate you? That's crazy talk. ''[holds up a photo of Chowder and Mung feeding soup to Shnitzel while he’s sick]'' When you were deathly sick with the plague pox, who nursed you back to health with homemade soup?
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda radda.
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': That's right, pal -- Mung and Chowder. ''[holds up another photo of Chowder and Mung giving Shnitzel a loan full of cash, in his graduation uniform]'' And when you needed to borrow 3,000 dollops to pay off your student loans, who gave you the cash -- no questions asked?
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda. Radda radda.
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': That's right. ''[hops up another photo of Shnitzel being chased by an angry mob]'' And when you ended up lost in the bad part of Lasagna Town after that really crazy birthday party, who drove five hours to come and get you?
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda.
:'''Puppet C.H. Greenblatt''': Oh, well, if they had known you were in trouble, I'm sure they would have come. Any-who, you need them as much as they need you.

===The Apprentice Games (1.20)===
:'''Chowder''': ''[lands on top of Gorgonzola]'' My tushy feels warm.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[lifts Chowder off himself]'' Get...off...me, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': Guess what, Gorgonzola. Mung says I get ultimate thrice cream if I win.
:'''Gorgonzola''': You will not be winning anything.
:'''Chowder''': Why not?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Because ''I’m'' going to make sure ''you'' lose.
:'''Chowder''': Why?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Because.
:'''Chowder''': Because why?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Just because!
:'''Chowder''': Just because why?
:'''Gorgonzola''': BECAUSE I SAID SO!
:'''Chowder''': Well, which is it? Are you gonna make sure I’m gonna lose just because you said so, or did you say so just because you’re gonna make sure I’m gonna lose?
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[fuming]'' STOP TALKING!!
:'''Chowder''': So, do you want me to stop talking and lose, or lose and stop talking?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Stilton''': Yo, down in front.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey!
:'''Stilton''': What?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey!
:'''Stilton''': What?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey!
:'''Stilton''': What?
:'''Ms. Endive''': Hey! ''[Stilton burps]'' Hey!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[threateningly]'' I'm going to kill you.
:'''Chowder''': MUNG, I WANT TO GO HOME!!
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[holding up the ultimate thrice cream]'' Focus, Chowder!
:'''Ultimate Thrice Cream''': ''[cheering]'' Gold medal! Gold medal!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[to Gorgonzola, enraged and irritated]''  I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU PICKING ON ME! I AM A LIVING BEING! A LIVING BEING!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Chowder and Gorgonzola reach shore after Chowder saved him from drowning]''
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[coughing]'' Chowder, you -- you -- you saved my life.
:'''Chowder''': Come back to me, Gorgonzola. Come back to me. You’ve got so much to live for.
:'''Gorgonzola''': I just said, &quot;you saved my life.&quot;
:'''Chowder''': I feel like we were just starting to become friends. And now -- now you are gone forever!
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[springs off from Chowder’s arms]'' I'M NOT DEAD!
:'''Chowder''': Gorgonzola! You're alive! Oh, thank goodness! I was starting to fall into this really dark depression. I mean, we lost every event, Mung’s disappointed in me, and then, I nearly drowned my new best friend.
:'''Gorgonzola''': Well, while I ''do'' have to draw the line at the word &quot;friend,&quot; you ''did'', technically, just saved my life.
:'''Chowder''': I did?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Yeah, so I guess you’re not a total waste.
:'''Chowder''': I guess you’re not a solid waste, either.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[to himself]'' I’m gonna kill him.
:'''Chowder''': It breaks my heart to see you in so much pain. Would it help to talk about it?
:'''Gorgonzola''': I don’t need your help!
:'''Chowder''': Stilton’s hard on you, huh?
:'''Gorgonzola''': Stop it!
:'''Chowder''': That’s just the pain talking.
:'''Gorgonzola''': I'm fine!
:'''Chowder''': Does he blow his burps at you?
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[bursts into tears; crying emotionally]'' I try so hard!
:'''Chowder''': I know you do. But the truth is, you can't help being the dirty ragamuffin you are, any more than I can help being the loveable dumpling I am. But quite frankly, if that’s not good enough for Mung, and Stilton, then, well, sir, that’s just not right! ''[slurps some of Gorgonzola's tears]''
:'''Gorgonzola''': That's it! We need to go back and reclaim our dignity.
:'''Chowder''': Is that a new flavor of thrice cream?
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[to himself]'' So gonna kill him -- really.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[drops down on the ground with a thud; furious]'' WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[Chowder, Gorgonzola, Mung, &amp; Stilton scream terrifyingly]'' You're joke of an apprentice scared away the queen! Now who wins, huh, smart guys?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': We have all been gone crazy.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Right. Medals are meaningless.
:'''Stilton''': Absolute meaningless.
:''[The three masters start fighting over the gold medals]''
:'''Panini''': So, what do you guys wanna do now?
:'''Chowder''': I want to buy the ultimate thrice cream Mung promised me, with these ''[holds up two gold medals]'' two shiny gold sments I found. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

==Season 2==
===Panini for President/Chowder's Babysitter [2.2]===
:'''Gorgonzola''': Hey, Chowder, want to run for president?
:'''Chowder''': No thanks. I'm really more of a walker.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[takes the lollipop out of Chowder's hand and uses it to hypnotize him]'' Look into the lollipop, Chowder. Look into the lollipop.
:'''Chowder''': ''[being hypnotized]'' Yes, Master Lollipop.
:'''Gorgonzola''': You will run for president, and Gorgonzola will be your vice president.
:'''Chowder''': I will run -- ''[snaps out of the hypnotizing]'' wait, wait, wait a minute! Girl, you crazy.
:'''Gorgonzola''': As president, you can ban Panini from being your girlfriend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[to Panini]'' I'M NOT YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND! As President, I will ''BAN'' YOU!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[draws a mustache and beard on Panini's poster; to Chowder]'' Pretty clever, eh, pudge?
:'''Chowder''': Mmm, is she supposed to be French?
:'''Gorgonzola''': (''scoffs'') No. She's supposed to be ugly. It's defamation of character.
:'''Chowder''': Oh. Because French people are ugly?
:'''Gorgonzola''': No.
:'''Chowder''': Ohh! If she's French, you should draw a beret! It'll help.
:'''Gorgonzola''': Quiet, you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[using the lollipop to hypnotize Chowder]'' You will obey, obey, obey.
:'''Chowder''': I’m gettin’ tired of Master Lollipop.
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[now holding a cinnamon swirl pastry]'' Master Cinnamon Swirl says you will kiss babies to win.
:'''Chowder''': Yes, Master Cinnamon Swirl!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''[puts on a knight helmet]'' PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME, PANINI!
:'''Panini''': I...I... ''[breaks down, crying]'' I JUST WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, CHOWDER! I just wanted to pass laws that would legally making you my property! Instead you listened to Gorgonzola and ruined EVERYTHING! WHY?! ''[slams her head on the podium]'' WHY?! WHY?!
:'''Ceviche''': Oh my gosh, Panini! Are you okay?
:'''Panini''': ''[through gritted teeth]'' Yes, Ceviche, I'm fine. Now go away so I can finish my moment! ''[Ceviche leaves]'' WHY?!
:'''Chowder''': Don't cry, I wasn't listening to Gorgonzola! I was just hanging around with him because he was giving me food. ''[blushes]'' He's my friend.
:'''Panini''': He's ''not'' your friend. He's like a villain or something!
:'''Gorgonzola''': ''[dressed as the Phantom of the Opera]'' Heeey, Mr. President!
:'''Chowder''': ''[screams]'' A VILLAIN!!

===The Fire Breather/The Flying Flinger Lingons [2.3]===
:'''Mung''': Chowder, look what you've done! Now the animators are gonna have to draw all this fire! On top of that, you've ruined the souffle.
:'''Souffle''': Why, Chowder? WHY!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Expolsive flatulence]''
:'''Chowder''': Heh... sorry. ''[gasps]'' I can talk again! My tummy must've digested the peppers. I can cook again! ''[Rumbling]'' Oh, wait, it feels like I'm gonna... ''[explosive flatulence]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During ending credits]''
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda radda radda, radda radda radda.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': You did not say that to Truffles.
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': What did she say back?
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': ''[screams Truffles' ranting as Puppet Truffles rises up into view and shakes angrily; Puppet Mung gets out of the way]'' Radda... radda, radda, radda radda.
:''[Puppet Truffles lividly launches herself to Puppet Shnitzel and attacks him]''

===Chowder's Catering Company/The Catch Phrase [2.5]===
:'''Chowder''': Hey, what's this impossibly random poster that I see?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Holland Daze''': WHAZZAM!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': ''[angrily]'' You heard me! Never - ''[points to cow udder]'' - that phrase again.
:'''Chowder''': Wait, how'd a cow get in here?

===The Hot Date/Shopping Spree [2.6]===
:''[Fivesday, 3:45 PM -- Marzipan City Police Department]''
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': ''[enters the room holding up two pairs of pants in his underwear]'' Quick! I need everybody's attention. Stop whatever you're doing! I need to know which pair of pants go with this shirt I'm wearing. Seriously, you guys! I need help. I got a blind date in a few hours, and I want to look hot!
:'''Officer Grinder''': Hot date! ''[chanting]'' Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
:'''Officer PB&amp;J''': Make sure you pat her on the back and burp her. I love it when my mommy does that.
:'''Officer Cheesesteak''': Both pants look really nice. They both look really expensive. I wish I had nice things, but instead I have two cats -- two expensive cats!
:'''Officer Snow Leopard''': Well, if you ask me, a flat-front pant never goes out of style.
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': Look, Sarge, a woman doesn't care about how a guy is dressed on her first date -- only that he pays attention to her.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': And how would you know that?
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': Hello?! I'm a woman.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': You are?
:'''Officer Loose Meat''': ''[close up on her face]'' Yes!
:'''Officer Po-boy''': Just remember -- girls love it when you're a real jerk to 'em. Works for me every time. ''[gloomy]'' That's a lie. I'm so lonely.
:'''Beaver Cop''': Beaver Cop says, you should arrest her and force her to go out with you. I'm Beaver Cop.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Look, this is getting me nowhere. I haven’t had a date in twelve years, okay? Twelve! That’s a long time! That’s 84 in dog years!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': ''[covered in chocolate pudding]'' Can’t you see I’m completely covered in pudding?!
:'''Officer Grinder''': Pudding! ''[chanting]'' Pudding! Pudding! Pudding! ''[picks up Endive and eats the pudding off her]''
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Officer Grinder, no! Put that citizen down! That’s in order. ''[Officer Grinder sets Endive down]'' Sorry about that.
:'''Ms. Endive''': It’s okay. I think he worked out the knot in my back. ''[falls flat on the ground with a clang]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': I know my rights! I wanna call my lawyer!
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[sobbing]'' Radda radda radda radda!
:'''Chowder''': This is traumatizing me! Now I'm gonna grow up to be strange and socially awkward!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Puppet Clock''': You're gonna be late. For your date! FOR YOUR DATE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Officer Sloppy Joe''': ''[interrogating Shnitzel]'' All right, tough guy. You better come clean right now, ‘cause your little friend over there just spilled the beans.
:''[Chowder stands next to the spilled jar of beans while Officer Po-boy scoops it all up with a shovel]''
:'''Chowder''': I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ms. Endive''': What is going on here?! Has he confessed yet to desecrating my beautiful pool?!
:'''Mung Daal''': Only if you admit that you filled my air conditioner with shmarshmallows! ''[flashback to him, Chowder, Shnitzel, and the kitchen covered in shmarshmallows]'' Endive!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Never! I want you to pay for having my pool cleaned!
:'''Mung Daal''': Only if you pay for the buckets of tears I cry every time I see your face!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Only if you pay for the barf bags people use after they eat your cooking!
:'''Mung Daal''': Only if you pay for the extra zip code for your big mouth!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': So, does this happen a lot?
:'''Officer Cheesesteak''': Only to the sarge.
:'''Chowder''': Why do women hate him?
:'''Officer Cheesesteak''': I don’t know. They just do. They just do.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': ''[steaming and growling; yelling]'' THAT’S IT! EVERYONE, GET OUT! I WANT TO BE ALONE! GO ON! GET!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': No money means... ''[Scene changes to the voice actors of the main characters]'' no animation!
:'''Tara Strong (Truffles)''': What are we gonna do?
:'''John DiMaggio (Shnitzel)''': Radda radda.
:'''Dwight Schultz (Mung Daal)''': No, we are not going home! We've got to save the show.
:'''Nicky Jones (Chowder)''': But where are we gonna get the money to pay for it?
:''[the voice actors of the main characters come up with an idea by washing cars, and sure enough, succeeded]''
:'''Dwight Schultz (Mung Daal)''': I think we've made enough... ''[Scene changes back to animation style]'' to get the animation back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[as soup lands in his face burning and screams in pain]'' My beautiful, expensive face! ''[his makeover is washed away]''
:'''Truffles''': ''[gasps in shock]'' Mung?! ''[growls angrily at him]'' This isn’t a dream!
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, yes it is.
:'''Truffles''': No! You’re ''never'' in my dreams. What have you done?!
:'''Chowder''': We spent all the money - that’s what.
:'''Truffles''': ''[gasps]'' Empty? You’re gonna pay me back every last sment!

===The Party Cruise/Won Ton Bombs [2.7]===
:'''Man #1''': Why aren't those guys weren't in thongs? Oh, why would you go on a cruise and not wear a thong?
:'''Man #2''': OH, WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO???

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Mung sees Shnitzel wearing a hula skirt]''
:'''Mung''': Chowder, I think we've lost Shnitzel to the dark side. Guess it's just you and me, pal.
:'''Chowder''': But, Mung, the dark side looks a lot brighter.
:'''Mung''': You know, fishing is a great way for men to bond. We've got nothing but time out here. Did I ever tell you the story of my famous 1,000-day fishing trip?
:'''Chowder''': How many days?
:'''Mung''': 1,000.
:'''Chowder''': Oh, my gosh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mung mutters, literally shriveling up with insanity, then turns to Chowder]''
:'''Mung''': Chowder... Sweetheart... Dear Boy... The Blufferfish got away ... Because you and your friend Shnitzel wanted to be ''[looking cute and buck-toothed, waving his hands]'' a couple of [[w:Charlie Wilson (Texas politician)#&quot;Good Time Charlie&quot;|Good Time Charlies]]!
:'''Charlie #1''': You wanted to be us? How silly!
:'''Charlie #2''': Come on, Charlie! Let's go have a good time!
:''[The Good-time Charlies leave, laughing. Horn honks off-screen]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': I don't want--
:'''Lo Mein''': NO! Sit down. It's story time.
:'''Truffles''': Did someone say stories? About Mung's past?
:'''Shnitzel''': Ooh! Radda!
:'''Hamhock''': Stories? We like stories! Right, Marzipan City? ''[Mazipan City cheers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': Chowder! If I met my past self, it could unravel the space-time continuum.
:'''Chowder''': But what does the space-time condiminium have to do with... wait? What're we talking about?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': ''(gasp)'' IT'S YOU AS A KID! You were so green! So... greeeeen... ''[starts running towards Young Mung frantically]'' Hiiii. I'm Chooooowder. I know you in the fuuuuutuuure! Fuuuutuure! ''[Mung pulls Chowder away]'' FUTURE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': Now, Chowder! Do it, now! ''[Chowder rips off his clothes and runs around naked]''
:'''Chowder''': Label! Label, label, label! I need a label! Something that tells me what I am! Am I a rabbit? A cat? A baby hippopotamus? This is so uncomfortable! Somebody please label me before it's too late!
:''[Mung quickly switches the bad Won Ton Bomb dish with the good Won Ton Bomb dish]''
:'''Mung''': ''[whispers]'' I've got it, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': ''[calmly]'' That is all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung''': Remember what I've told you, Chowder.
:'''Chowder''': Never eat barbed wire.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Mung''': Oh ladies! You want some squats with that order? ''(starts squatting)''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Mung''': What the heck are those?
:'''Lo Mein''': Those are LADIES.
:'''Young Mung''': Ladies?
:'''Lo Mein''': No, no, no. LADIES.
:'''Lady''': Oh my! I could order a million of you!!!
:'''Young Mung''': LADIES!!!

===Big Ball/The Brain Freeze [2.12]===
:'''Mung''': Shh! It's bad luck not to say the ''whole'' name. Now let me start over: Field Tournament Style Up And Down On The Ground Manja Flanja Blanja Banja Ishka Bibble Babble Flabble Doma Roma Floma Boma Jingle Jangle Every Angle Bricka Bracka Flacka Stacka Two Ton Rerun Free For All... Big Ball.

===Endive's Dirty Secret/Big Food [2.14]===
:'''Chowder''': WHOA, THAT WAS Close!
:'''Mung Daal''': You said it. Now let's skedaddle before those hounds -- 
:'''Shnitzel''': [ Gasps ] R-radda!!
:'''Mung Daal''' : Shnitzel, what are you talking about?
:'''Shnitzel''': Rad-da!
:'''Mung Daal''': What? What do want me to look at? [ Gasps ] ew! it's endive! Oh, my lord! Oh, what is she–
:'''Chowder''': Mung. What, what, who, who, why?! It's like some horrible accident! I can't look away!
:'''Mung Daal''': Oh, if only I had a camera!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda, radda.
:'''Mung Daal''': Thanks, Shnitzel. Good thing you carry this high-powered camera everywhere you go.  [ Camera shutter clicking ] 
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ gasps ] No! [ Growling ]
:'''Mung Daal''': Hey, guys, i wonder what endive will say when she finds out we captured her dirty secret on film? 
:'''Both''': Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, humina.
:'''Mung Daal''': What -- take more pictures? Shnitzel, this zoom lens is great!
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ Growling ] MUNG! [ Breathing heavily ]
:''' Mung Daal''': [ Chuckles nervously ]
:'''Ms. Endive''': Give me that camera!
:'''Mung Daal''': We'll give you this camera if you let us in your pool.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Never! Give me that camera!
:'''Mung Daal''': Woman, you will let us take a dip in your pool, or we'll show these pictures to everybody.
:'''Ms. Endive''': You wouldn't dare.
:'''Mung Daal''': Try me.
:'''Ms. Endive''': No, forget it! I-i-i'm calling your bluff!
:'''Mung Daal''': [ Sighs ] I didn't want to have to do it this way, endive -- really didn't. Everyone to the farmers' market!! 
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ Gasps ] No! no! no! No! no! no! no! no! no! [ Gasps ] my reputation will be ruined! Aah! Get back here! No! No! no! no! No! No! no! No! Wha?
:'''Mung Daal''': Blah, blah, endive, blah, blah, blah! Check it out!
:'''Gazpacho''': Mm-hmm. And what are we looking at? Mama, no! [ Gags ] [ vomits ] I'm all right. I'm not all right! [ Vomits violently ] That Ms. Endive, she's disgusting! And that picture of her is gross too. Bada bing, I've got a million of 'em!
:'''Ms. Endive''': [ Breathing heavily ]
:'''Mung Daal''': Well, hello, endive.
:'''Ms. Endive''': Give it to me!
:'''Mung Daal''': Unh-unh-unh-unh, I told you -- I'll let you have it when you allow us into your pool.
:'''Ms. Endive''':  I will never allow grubby cretins like you to frolic in my pool! Never!
:'''Mung Daal''': Well, you leave me no choice. Endive pictures! Embarrassing endive pictures! Get your endive pictures right here! See what everyone is talking about!
:'''Ms. Endive''': Okay, fine! I will allow you to use my pool just this once. But in ever want those pictures seen by anyone ever again!

===Paint the Town/The Blackout [2.15]===
:'''Mung Daal''': ''(After arriving in Chowderland)'' Honey, you're not gonna believe what Chowder has done!
:'''Truffles''': How do you know it's Chowder?
:'''Mung Daal''': He signed his name on the lower right-hand corner.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During the credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Shnitzel, Shnitzel, pull my finger!
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Please.
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': I’ll be your best friend.
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda!
:'''Puppet Chowder''': PULL MY FINGER!
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': Radda, radda, radda!
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[begging]'' Come on! 
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': ''[annoyingly grabs Puppet Chowder’s finger and his whole arm comes off]'' Radda.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Maybe you better get some tape.

===The Dice Cycle/The Chain Recipe [2.16]===
:'''Chowder''': Oh, why was I cursed like this Mung? With such short legs? If only I had something to ride on. Something with two wheels. And with handlebars. And is red. And it's in the garage. Your Dice Cycle, I wanna ride your Dice Cycle.
:'''Mung Daal''': Yes, I know what you're referring to and the answer is &quot;No&quot;! You'll wreck it.
:'''Chowder''': No I won't! I swear on the soul of my poor dead cooking master!
:'''Mung Daal''': I'm not dead.
:'''Chowder''': You could be if you tried.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': If Mung won't make the chain recipe, then Mung ''will'' make the chain recipe!
:'''Colonel Chicken Chowder Look-alike''': I declare I do not understand I declare.
:'''Chowder''': That's because you're not supposed to understand until after the wipe.
:'''Colonel Chicken Chowder Look-alike''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Truffles''': ''[holding on to a tree as the wind blows away her clothes, hat, and hair; to the audience]'' Don't you look at me!

===The Garden/Sheboodles! [2.17]===
:'''Chowder''': For match of luggage. And out for [[incesticide]]!

===Gazpacho Moves In/My Big Fat Stinky Wedding [2.18]===
:'''Mung Daal''': Chowder, this is the third time I've told you not to take our glasses, so I'm going to have to... PUNISH YOU.
:'''Chowder''': You don't kid around with your punishments.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Hi, are you a mirror?
:'''Porridge''': ''[rubbing his nose]'' No. I'm a foreign exchange apprentice. My name is, Porridge. And I'm living with Kimchi's family for the summer. Huh. Who are you supposed to be?
:'''Chowder''': I'm supposed to be Chowder, Kimchi's best friend.
:'''Porridge''': Ha! No, who are you really?
:'''Chowder''': Ch-Chowder, Kimchi's best friend.
:'''Porridge''': Well, I guess if you say so. Dinner has already begun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chowder, Porridge, Kimchi and his family eat dinner around the table]''
:'''Chowder''': Yes, Kimchi's mom. Yes, I do think Kimchi's...new bride is... beautiful. Just can it, Kimchi. She's got a bag over her head. I bet she's all warty, or has an extra eye.
:'''Porridge''': Actually, Chowder, the rich and ancient culture of Kimchi's people ''forbids'' the groom from seeing his bride's face before the wedding.
:'''Chowder''': Wow! So is she burned with acid?
:'''Porridge''': Yes, that is also tradition.
:'''Chowder''': How do you know all this junk about Kimchi's culture? Kimchi never talks about any of this stuff.
:'''Porridge''': That's because Kimchi's ashamed of his culture. Why else would he leave his home and his two loving parents, and always go live with an outside with weird hat, like ''YOU''?
:'''Chowder''': Is this true, Kimchi? Is my hat weird?
:'''Porridge''': If you were really Kimchi's friend, you would know better than to be friends with him.
:'''Chowder''': But Kimchi always said in his culture, if someone saves your life, you have to be their friend until you can return the favor and save theirs!
:'''Porridge''': ''[gasps]'' Are you saying you saved Kimchi's life?
:'''Chowder''': No, for reals.

===A Faire to Remember/Tofu-Town Showdown [2.20]===
:'''Panini''': ''[pulls Chowder away from Marmalade]''  Oh there you are, Chowder. What's going on here? For a second there, it looked like you found a new ''[breaths fire from her mouth in a malicious tone]'' ''girlfriend''.
:'''Chowder''': Oh, you mean Marmalade. Well, she is a girl.
:'''Marmalade''': Guilty!
:'''Chowder''': And she is my friend.
:'''Marmalade''': Try me and convict me.
:'''Panini''': ''[laughs]'' Chowder, you get back over here right this second.
:'''Chowder''': But I don't wanna.
:'''Panini''': Now. Get over here, now.
:'''Chowder''': But, can I have more than one friend who's a girl?
:'''Panini''': No! Don't test me, Chowder!
:'''Chowder''': What flavor lipstick are you wearing?
:'''Panini''': Smackdown! Now get over here!
:'''Chowder''': Um, I think I'd prefer to stay with starwbarbelberry.
:'''Panini''': Chowder, ''[through gritted teeth]'' do not make me...
:'''Ceviche''': Panini, Panini, what comes after number 29?
:'''Panini''': ''[to Ceviche]'' Ceviche, I told you not to---

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Panini''': ''[crying]'' Oh, Chowder, how could you do this to me?!
:'''Ceviche''': On a scale of 1 to 10, how desperate would you say you are right now?
:'''Panini''': 11!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gyoza''': Shnitzelson, I finally found you. Didn't think your mysterious past could catch up to you now, did you?
:'''Chowder''': Mysterious past? Shnitzel... Ohh!
:'''Gyoza''': I've finally lured you back here, so that I can have vengeance for what you did to my father.
:'''Chowder''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shnitzel, what's going on? I didn't know you had a mysterious past. That's so cool!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shnitzel elbows Chowder, waking him up while he fell asleep through the whole flashback story]''
:'''Chowder''': Sorry. I fell asleep. Can you repeat that?
:'''Gyoza''': Now, he must pay for his failure. He must ''FACE THE MUSIC.''
:''[The Sukiyaki Yuza fighters start singing the show’s theme song which starts getting Shnitzel on his nerves and he falls flat on the ground]''
:'''Chowder''': Hey, fish lady, I don't see what the big deal is. Why don't we just go over there and get Shabu Shabu back?
:'''Gyoza''': Impossible! It's too dangerous. Only a skilled meat fighter can face the awesome power of Peking Duck.
:'''Chowder''': Well, what about Shnitzel? He was pretty awesome in the flashback.
:'''Shnitzel''': ''[lifts up his head]'' Radda?
:'''Gyoza''': You have a point, chunky purple one. Very well. If you two rescue my father, Shnitzel's honor among the Sukiyaki Yuza will be restored.
:'''Chowder''': All right!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Shnitzel, hey, Shnitzel! How do you like these cool disguises I made? Now we can totally blend in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peking Duck''': Well, well, well. We meet again my pathetic old friend. I have waited a long time for this. I see you want this cookie. ''[smoke appears and lifts revealing himself; laughs]'' You will have to get through the meal I prepared for you first!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Teriyaki Triads''': ''[to Shnitzel]'' You! ''[push Chowder to Shnitzel]'' Please, take him home! His singing is horrible!
:'''Chowder''': I love karaoke!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gyoza''': You did it. But, where's my father?
:'''Chowder''': ''[coughs up Shabu Shabu and burps]'' Sorry, I just wanted the cookie. ''[burps again; narrating]'' And so, Shnitzel, the greatest meat fighter that ever lived, restored his honor, and brought peace back to all of Tofu-Town. The end.
:'''Mung Daal''': You ate the delivery again, didn't you?
:'''Chowder''': Oh, sorry.
:'''Shnitzel''': Oh, radda! ''[facepalms himself]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During credits]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[reading note]'' &quot;Do not eat. This means you, Chowder. Love Mung.&quot; Gotta stay strong, gotta stay strong, gotta stay strong.
:'''Puppet Pizza''': So that's it? You're not eating me?
:'''Puppet Chowder''': No, no I want to but, Mung said-
:'''Puppet Pizza''': Look kid, if people listen to notes nothing would get done in this world. Notes are really more like guidelines. It said, &quot;Do not eat.&quot; Didn't say &quot;Do not eat pizza.&quot; 
:''[Little later... Puppet Mung notices the pizza's gone]''
:'''Puppet Mung Daal''': You ate it, didn't you?
:'''Puppet Pizza''': ''[from inside Puppet Chowder's stomach]'' No.

==Season 3==
===The Apprentice Scouts/The Belgian Waffle Slobber-Barker [3.3]===
:'''Mung''': There's only one thing we can do! Get some protection.
:'''Truffles''': You want I should call the cops?
:'''Mung''': Not that kind of protection.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda Radda Radda?
:'''Truffles''': No, not that kind of protection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During credits]''
:'''Puppet Shnitzel''': ''[petting a cat]'' Yes, you radda. Yeah, you... ''[sees Puppet Truffles]'' Uh, uh... radda.
:'''Puppet Truffles''': Ha, ha. You did that, I'm gonna tell everyone about this. ''[flies off]''

===A Little Bit of Pizzazz!/The Birthday Suits [3.4]===
:''[While preparing an order for a customer, Chowder causes an explosion, and all the four to switch bodies]''
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': ''[groaning]'' What happened?
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': I'll tell you what happened-- you blew us into each other's bodies!
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': You mean, I'm in Shnitzel's body? Weird. Freaky weird.
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': That's right. And I'm in ''your'' body, Chowder.
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': And me in Mung's! ''[cries]'' Which can only mean Shnitzel is--
:'''Shnitzel/Truffles''': Radda?! ''[looks down and sees he has Truffles' breasts and breaks down, crying]'' Radda radda radda!
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': Good! Let him deal with all those for stinking hormones. I'm sick of it!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Now everybody, just relax. Man, Chowder's arms are short. The only way to get back to normal, is to find the &quot;Get back to Normal&quot; recipe book.
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': How convenient.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': ''[trying to reach the book from the shelf]'' I can't reach.
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': How 'bout Shnitzel's body gives you a boost? ''[lifts and launches Mung through the roof, over the sky, as he lands back crashing the shelf]'' I'm strong! SO STRONG!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Well, what do you wanna do with Shnitzel’s body first, Chowdie?
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': I wanna lift a heavy object!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': There’s a great big heavy one!
:'''Ms. Endive''': I beg your pardon?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': Switching bodies is so fun.
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Yeah. This new body is great.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Truffles! What have you done to my face?!
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': Oh, it's a long story. Here, finish this order. ''[whines]'' I can't do anything right in your body.
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Well, I can't cook. I can't reach anything in these arms.
:'''Truffles/Mung Daal''': The kitchen is falling apart. What do we do?!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': That settles it -- we change back into ''our'' bodies A.S.A.P. ''[Chowder bursts out crying in a mental breakdown]'' Chowder! Chowder, what's the matter?
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': ''[crying]'' I don't wanna leave Shnitzel's body. Mung, I LOVE IT! Especially the part where I'm strong and tall. And strong!
:'''Mung Daal/Chowder''': Are you finished?
:'''Chowder/Shnitzel''': Yeah, I'm good. When do we change back to our bodies?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': I forgot how soft and pudgy my body is, compared to hard and cold Shnitzel's body was.
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda. ''[lets go of the mop and walks off]''
:'''Ms. Endive/Mung Daal''': Well, I think you're all a bunch of billowy ninny swallows. Oh, good gravy! I'm in Mung Daal's body! And if I'm in his body, he must be in...
:''[Endive's kitchen; Mung is now in Endive's body as he screams horrifyingly in the reflection and starts going berserk]''
:'''Mung Daal/Endive''': Hey, this is kind of fun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rhino Lady''': Gelato, what is wrong with society today?
:'''Gelato''': Yes, yes, I dare say. If I see one more thing to upset my uptight sensibilities, then we would have to form an angry mob.
:''[The six people stop in front of Chowder, Mung, Shnitzel, and Truffles, stripped from their fruit suits; Gelato gasps and faints]''
:'''Rhino Lady''': Gelato?! Gelato! Those heathens have made Gelato faint! Get them!
:''[Mung, Chowder, Shnitzel, and Truffles start to run and scream as the angry mob chases after them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rhino Lady''': Really? Baby ducks.
:'''Sgt. Hoagie''': Who doesn't like baby ducks?

===Weekend at Shnitzel's/Taste Buds [3.7]===
:'''Chowder''': This...is bo-o-o-o-ring! This is boring! You're boring, your life is boring, and this episode is boring!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chowder''': Sugar...wearing off. So...tired. Must...go home...to die. ''[Shniztel feeds him soda]'' Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carlito''': Come back here, you! Come back here with my Mesquite! Not cool, man! Not cool!
:'''Chowder''': Huh. He was my ride.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carlito''': Krav Maga KICK! ''[kicks down the door]'' Ay-yi-yi!
:'''Shnitzel''': Uh...
:'''Carlito''': Get your hands off my Mesquite!
:'''Shnitzel''': Radda! Radda radda radda! Radda radda!
:'''Carlito''': NO! You cannot be in love with her, because ''I'' am in love with her!
:'''Chowder''': You guys should, like, totally fight to the death for her. I mean, that’s what I would do. It would solve everything, you know. But it’s up to you guys. Really, I’m just saying. It’s a pretty good idea.
:'''Carlito''': Yes, the gordito is right. We must fight to the death like honorable men, no? AAAAH-YI!!! Oh, and one more thing. ''[sways his hand in Shnitzel’s face]'' KA-KAW! ''[Shnitzel grabs his arm and bites his hand and screams in pain]'' So, you think this is some kind of a game, huh?! Well, trust me, this is ''no'' game!

===Gazpacho!/The Toots [3.8]===
:'''Gorgonzola''': What is the meaning of all this hubub?
:'''Mung Daal''': ''[with tears of joy welling up in his eyes]'' Chowder just made the most beautiful singing.
:'''Gazpacho''': (Yawns) Man! I'm Tired! I'm Hungry!

===Chowder Grows Up [3.9]===
:'''Kabob''': You have a meeting in five minutes, Mr. Gorgonzola. Sir.
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': Kabob, I thought I told you to wear your uniform!
:'''Kabob''': Yes, but--
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': Put it on. ''[Kabob puts on Chowder's clothes and hat]'' Ha! Look at you, Chowder. Look, I have become terrifically successful! And what are you? A pathetic stooge!
:'''Kabob''': Please, sir, can I take off my uniform now?
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': NO! Say what Chowder would say!
:'''Kabob''': I'm chubby?
:'''Adult Gorgonzola''': It's not the same! Don't look at me! ''[picks up his office desk]'' I NEED CHOWDER TO BE MY RIVAL!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last scene of the series]''
:'''Adult Chowder''': Nah, we we're cute kids.
:'''Adult Panini''': Yeah.
:'''Adult Chowder''': But, seriously, no more babies. Okay?
:'''Scraps''': ''[on top of the runaway babies]'' Help! Help! The babies got me!
:'''Adult Panini''': Okay, I'll stop.
:'''Adult Chowder''': ''[runs off]'' Babies, no! Put Scraps down!
:''[as the Adult Chowder runs after the babies, there are crashes heard and the book closes to the front cover]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[last credits of the series]''
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Schnitzel, I had the craziest dream, it was 20 years to the future, what do you think it means?
:'''Puppet Schnitzel''': Rada-rada.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': Wow Schnitzel, I just had a dream, that had a dream you we're explaining my dream and the dream. What is suppose it means?
:'''Puppet Schnitzel''': Rada-rada, rada-rada.
:'''Puppet Chowder''': ''[last lines]'' Schnitzel, I just had a dream, that had a dream, that had a dream thaat you we're explaining my dream and the dream that you we're dreaming. What is suppose it means?

==Cast==
*Chowder - [[w:Nicky Jones (actor)|Nicky Jones]]
*Truffles - {{w|Tara Strong}}
*Mung Daal - {{w|Dwight Schultz}}
*Schnitzel - {{w|Kevin Michael Richardson}}

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
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      <sha1>ndatfm57tftuk5r9h85wsqp02a5ydsf</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>System</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>108490</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146004</id>
      <parentid>3131206</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:19:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Peter1c</username>
        <id>193478</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>When I criticize a system, they think I criticize them--and that is of course because they accept the system and identify themselves with it. ~ Thomas Merton</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="54300" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Thomas Stearns Eliot by Lady Ottoline Morrell (1934).jpg|thumb|They constantly try to escape&lt;br&gt;From the darkness outside and within&lt;br&gt;By dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good. ~ [[T. S. Eliot]]]]
[[File:George Santayana.jpg|thumb|No system would have ever been framed if people had been simply interested in knowing what is true, whatever it may be. What produces systems is the interest in maintaining against all comers that some favourite or inherited idea of ours is sufficient and right. ~ [[George Santayana]]]]
[[File:Charges and net proceed of 118 new Negroe slaves Charleston South Carolina.jpg|thumb|Societies grow into systems. The systems require management and are therefore increasingly wielded, like a tool or a weapon, by those who have power. The rest of the population is still needed to do specific things. But the citizens are not needed to contribute to the form or direction of the society. The more &quot;advanced&quot; the civilization, the more irrelevant the citizen becomes. ~ [[John Ralston Saul]]]]
A '''[[:w:System|System]]''' (from Latin [[wikt:systema#Latin|systema]], in turn from Greek [[wikt:σύστημα|σύστημα]]) is a set of interacting or interdependent entities forming an integrated whole. The scientific research field which is engaged in the study of the general properties of systems include [[systems theory]], [[cybernetics]], [[:w:dynamical systems|dynamical systems]] and [[:w:complex systems|complex systems]].

== Quotes ==
:''All quotes are arranged in chronological order''
=== 17th century ===
[[File:Thomas Hobbes (portrait).jpg|thumb|Systems ... resemble the similar parts or muscles of a body natural. By systemes; I understand any numbers of men joyned in one Interest, or one Businesse. ~ [[Thomas Hobbes]]]]
* The sun, as we have already said, is placed in the middle of our system, as a source of light and heat, to illuminate and vivify all the planets subordinate to it. Without his benign influence the earth would be a mere block, which in hardness would surpass marble and the most compact substances with which we are acquainted ; no vegetation, no motion would be possible: in a word, it would be the abode of darkness, inactivity and death. The first rank therefore among inanimate beings cannot be refused to the sun ; and if the error of addressing to a created object that adoration which is due to the Creator atone could admit of excuse, we might be tempted to excuse the homage paid to the sun by the ancient Persians, as is still the ease among the Guebres, their successors, and some savage tribes in America.
** [[Jacques Ozanam]] (1640-1717) ''Recreations in mathematics and natural philosophy : Volume 3 van Recreations in Mathematics and Natural Philosophy''. Published 1803. p. 140.

* Systems... resemble the similar parts or muscles of a body natural. '''By systemes; I understand any numbers of men joyned in one Interest, or one Businesse.''' Of which, some are Regular, and some Irregular. Regular are those, where one Man, or Assembly of men, is constituted Representative of the whole number. All other are Irregular. &lt;br&gt;Of Systemes subordinate, some are Politicall, and some Private. Politicall (otherwise Called Bodies Politique, and Persons In Law,) are those, which are made by authority from the Soveraign Power of the Common-wealth. Private, are those, which are constituted by Subjects amongst themselves, or by authoritie from a stranger. For no authority derived from forraign power, within the Dominion of another, is Publique there, but Private.&lt;br&gt;And of Private Systemes, some are Lawfull; some Unlawfull: Lawfull, are those which are allowed by the Common-wealth: all other are Unlawfull. Irregular Systemes, are those which having no Representative, consist only in concourse of People; which if not forbidden by the Common-wealth, nor made on evill designe, (such as are conflux of People to markets, or shews, or any other harmelesse end,) are Lawfull. But when the Intention is evill, or (if the number be considerable) unknown, they are Unlawfull.&lt;br&gt;... And this is all I shall say concerning Systemes, and Assemblyes of People, which may be compared (as I said,) to the Similar parts of mans Body; such as be Lawfull, to the Muscles; such as are Unlawfull, to Wens, Biles, and Apostemes, engendred by the unnaturall conflux of evill humours.
** [[Thomas Hobbes]] (1651), Chapter 22: &quot;Of systemes subject, politicall, and private&quot; in ''Leviathan''

* According to the common system, before the creation of Matter, there was nothing but God, whose essence is immutable, and cannot be the pre-existent subject of Bodies.
** J. de la Crose (1693). ''Memoirs for the ingenious''. p. 81.

=== 18th century ===
* In proportion, therefore, as a system is of vast extent and made for duration, the more it requires to be governed by a simple and general law. We have only to attend to the solar system, and we shall perceive the utility of a central body on which the whole depends. In virtue of this body, it rarely happens that the planets and comets disturb each other, and these extraordinary instances form but trifling exceptions. But were we to retrench the central body, the general law would be destroyed, and the exceptions alone would remain. Harmony, in that case, must be the result of an infinite combination, of individual and discordant impulsions; insomuch, that the more our view of the whole became comprehensive, the more we should find the system, instead of tending to simplicity, confused and perplexed.
** [[:w:Johann Heinrich Lambert|Johann Heinrich Lambert]] (1728 to 1777). ''The system of the world''. p. 128. (Translated from the French by James Jacque) &lt;!-- This publication from 1800 is considered here to be a 18th century work, because Johann Heinrich Lambert lived from . --&gt;

* The different progress of opulence in different ages and nations, has given occasion to two different systems of political economy, with regard to enriching the people. The one may be called the system of commerce, the other that of agriculture. I shall endeavour to explain both as fully and distinctly as I can, and shall begin with the system of commerce. It is the modern system, and is best understood in our own country and in our own times.
** [[Adam Smith]] (1771). ''An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith''. (The Project Gutenberg EBook)
** [[Adam Smith]] (1795). ''Essays on philosophical subjects''. p. 60.
[[File:JHLambert.jpg|thumb|upright|&lt;center&gt;''A system is of vast extent and made for duration, the more it requires to be governed by a simple and general law''.&lt;br&gt; - [[:w:Johann Heinrich Lambert|J.H. Lambert]] (1728 – 1777)&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:Immanuel Kant (painted portrait).jpg|thumb|upright|&lt;center&gt;''By a system I mean the unity of various cognitions under one idea.'' &lt;br&gt;- [[Immanuel Kant]] (1787).&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:AdamSmith.jpg|thumb|upright|&lt;center&gt;''A system is an imaginary machine invented to connect together in the fancy those different movements and effects which are already in reality performed.'' &lt;br&gt;- [[Adam Smith]] (1795).&lt;/center&gt;]]
* Some writers have exclaimed bitterly against systems of divinity, others have exaggerated the utility of them. Perhaps the truth may be, neither side has taken sufficient pains to understand the other. Theology reduced to a system is nothing more than a regular arrangement of what we hold for religion, and there can be no damage done by such orderly dispositions of truths : on the contrary, much benefit arises to a student of divinity by them, for a system is as advantageous to a minister, as a regular set of books to a [[merchant]].
** Jean Claude (1782). ''An essay on the composition of a sermon.'' p. 396.

* By the term architectonic I mean the art of constructing a system. Without systematic unity, our knowledge cannot become science; it will be an aggregate, and not a system. Thus architectonic is the doctrine of the scientific in cognition, and therefore necessarily forms part of our [[methodology]].&lt;br&gt; Reason cannot permit our knowledge to remain in an unconnected and rhapsodistic state, but requires that the sum of our cognitions should constitute a system. It is thus alone that they can advance the ends of reason. By a system I mean the unity of various cognitions under one idea. This idea is the conception--given by reason--of the form of a whole, in so far as the conception determines a priori not only the limits of its content, but the place which each of its parts is to occupy. The scientific idea contains, therefore, the end and the form of the whole which is in accordance with that end. The unity of the end, to which all the parts of the system relate, and through which all have a relation to each other, communicates unity to the whole system, so that the absence of any part can be immediately detected from our knowledge of the rest; and it determines a priori the limits of the system, thus excluding all contingent or arbitrary additions. The whole is thus an organism (articulatio), and not an aggregate (coacervatio); it may grow from within (per intussusceptionem), but it cannot increase by external additions (per appositionem). It is, thus, like an animal body, the growth of which does not add any limb, but, without changing their proportions, makes each in its sphere stronger and more active.&lt;br&gt; We require, for the execution of the idea of a system, a schema, that is, a content and an arrangement of parts determined a priori by the principle which the aim of the system prescribes.
** [[Immanuel Kant]] (1787). ''The Critique of Pure Reason''.

* Systems seem, like certain worms, to be formed by a kind of generatio aequivoca--by the mere confluence of conceptions, and to gain completeness only with the progress of time.
** [[Immanuel Kant]] (1787). ''The Critique of Pure Reason''.

* When Newton first discovered the property of attraction, and settled its laws, he found it served very well to explain several of the most remarkable phenomena in nature ; but yet with reference to the general system of things, he could consider attraction but as an effect, whose cause at that time he did not attempt to trace. But when &quot;he afterwards began to account for it by a subtile elastic æther, this great man (if in so great a man it be not impious to discover any thing like a blemish) seemed to have quitted his usual cautious manner of philosophising; since, perhaps, allowing all that has been advanced on this subject to be sufficiently proved, I think it leaves us with as many difficulties as it found us. That great chain of causes, which links one to another, even to the throne of God himself, can never be unravelled by any industry of ours. When we go but one step beyond the immediately sensible qualities of things, we go out of our depth.
** [[:w:Edmund Burke|Edmund Burke]] (1792). ''Works, Volume 1''. p. 198.

* Systems in many respects resemble machines. A machine is a little system, created to perform, as well as to connect together, in reality, those different movements and effects which the artist has occasion for. A system is an imaginary machine invented to connect together in the fancy those different movements and effects which are already in reality performed... The machines that are first invented to perform any particular movement are always the most complex, and succeeding artists generally discover that, with fewer wheels, with fewer principles of motion, than had originally been employed, the fame effects may be more easily produced. The first systems, in the fame manner, are always the most complex, and a particular connecting chain, or principle, is generally thought necessary to unite every two seemingly disjointed appearances : but it often happens, that one great connecting principle is afterwards found to be sufficient to bind together all the discordant phænomena that occur in a whole species of things.
* Formidable as the idea of a system of divinity may appear to young people, it is very certain that, if they are to study religion at all as a science, it cannot be studied to any good purpose, otherwise than systematically. A system is a methodical arrangement of propositions and proofs; and without such arrangement, no distinct and certain knowlege of any subject can be obtained. The thing to be desired in instruction is not to lay aside systems, but to simplify them. Systems (or bodies) of divinity, particularly, have been encumbered with a vast mass of heterogeneous matter, which even the divine by profession has not been able to digest. It is very evident that such systems are not proper even for the higher seminaries of learning, much less for common schools.
** J. G. Burckhardt (1797). &quot;A System of Divinity, for the Use of Schools, and for instructing Youth in the essential Principles and Duties of Religion&quot;. In: ''The Monthly review'' by Ralph Griffiths &amp; George Edward Griffiths, 1797.

* The universe is composed of matter, and, as a system, is sustained by motion. Motion is not a property of matter, and without this motion the solar system could not exist. Were motion a property of matter, that undiscovered and undiscoverable thing, called perpetual motion, would establish itself. It is because motion is not a property of matter, that perpetual motion is an impossibility in the hand of every being, bat that of the Creator of motion. When the pretenders to Atheism can produce perpetual motion, and not till then, they may expect to be credited.
** [[Thomas Paine]] (1798) &quot;A Discourte delivered by Thomas Paine, at the Society of the Theophilanthropists at Paris, 1798&quot;. In: ''The Monthly review, or, Literary journal'', Volume 30. by Ralph Griffiths, G. E. Griffiths, 1798.

=== 19th century ===
[[File:Elias Magnus Fries.jpg|thumb|upright|&lt;center&gt;''All things which exist in nature are a whole, and at the same time a part of a larger whole''.&lt;br&gt; - [[:w:Elias Magnus Fries|Elias Magnus Fries]], 1825&lt;/center&gt;]]
[[File:Charles Sanders Peirce theb3558.jpg|thumb|upright|&lt;center&gt;''A ''system'' is a set of objects compromising all that stands to one another in a group of connected relations''&lt;br&gt; -  [[Charles Sanders Peirce]], ± 1880&lt;/center&gt;]]
* [[:w:Elias Magnus Fries|M. Fries]], who is the founder of the system of quaternary arrangement, and the authority to which the most philosophical of our writers upon the subject has so repeatedly referred. These opinions [which will follow below] are contained in the Introduction to a work published by M. Fries in 1825, under the name of ''Systema Orbis Vegetabilis'', and may be said to exhibit the most condensed and well-arranged statement of the theory which has yet appeared...&lt;br&gt; § 1. Nature is an universal complication of phenomena existing and acting in all places and at all times—an infinite power made manifest by the successive evolution of a finite power, the sum of the whole creation in a continuous state— all existent matter proceeding from perfection and pregnant with futurity...&lt;br&gt; § 2. Nature must be considered as either perfect or approaching perfection&lt;br&gt; § 3. The powers and the productions of nature are coexistent . All power is as it were a law under which a given production holds its existence, but in such a manner that all power is the finite revelation of an infinite law. To act and to exist is the same thing. Power therefore is nature without production ; Production is matter without power. Neither exists in nature by itself.&lt;br&gt; § 4. All the powers of nature are more or less perfect manifestations of one primitive power, which acts by its different productions according to the same eternal, immutable, absolute laws. But the powers of nature act only by mutual reaction ; so that each power of nature becomes in its products impeded, interrupted, or quiescent.&lt;br&gt; § 5, All things which exist in nature are a whole, and at the same time a part of a larger whole. They are capable of being themselves resolved into other wholes until the human mind sinks under ideas of sublimity and subtilty which are imperceptible to it,—of the universe and of atoms.&lt;br&gt; § 6. It is impossible for the human mind, itself a finite creation, to regard nature, whether her powers or her productions are considered, in the light of the whole manifestation of an infinite power, but only as parts or fragments of such manifestation. But to comprehend these as one whole, that is, as an eternal and immutable yet ever varying body, or, as innumerable forms of one highest whole, is the end. of all disquisition, the sum of which we call a System.&lt;br&gt; § 7. A system contains within itself the seeds of some more complete evolution, but it does not admit of arbitrary alterations. Not that any absolute system can ever be contrived; for I am by no means of the opinion of those who expect that a system is to be as unchangeable as if it were petrified.&lt;br&gt; § 8. If nature be closely pursued, a system is called Natural; if this Ariadnean thread be not followed, it is called Artificial or factitious.&lt;br&gt; § 9. A system of nature proceeding from subjects of the most simple organization to such as are more perfect, or from the circumference to the centre, is called a Mathematical System.&lt;br&gt; § 10. A system of nature which takes for the basis of its arrangement the order of development of individuals is called Physiological.&lt;br&gt; § 11. Philosophical systems do not depend upon individual productions which are subject to continual variation, but upon eternal and unchangeable ideas. These always proceed from the centre to the circumference, or from the most perfect productions to those of a lower order. This is the method of my Mycological system, rfnd it agrees with the mathematical system if the order be inverted. A Philosophical system depends upon the laws of logic; for the laws of logic are by no means notions contrived by man, but eternal and immutable, and established by Nature herself. As the rotation of the heavenly bodies, discovered after the laws of mathematics, must necessarily follow those laws; so also no observation in nature can invalidate the laws of logic. For the laws of logic are the laws of nature.&lt;br&gt; § 12. A Philosophical system is superior to all others. It may at first appear, perhaps, of little moment, what way we follow follow in enumerating the productions of nature ; but if one way is more certain and more facile than another, that is surely to be preferred.
** [[:w:John Lindley|John Lindley]] (1826). &quot;Some Account of the Spherical and Numerical System of Nature o/M. Elias Fries&quot;. In: ''Philosophical magazine: a journal of theoretical, experimental and applied physics'', Volume 68, 31st August 1826.

* When a system is brought before the public, professing to be new, and claiming to be considered as peculiarly useful, it is incumbent on those who introduce it, to show in what respects it is original, and why it is an improvement.
** [[:w:Emma Willard|Emma Willard]] (1838). ''A system of universal geography on the principles of comparison and classification''.

* In my opinion a system of operations, to be efficient and successful, should be such as to give to the principal and responsible head of the running department a complete daily history of details in all their minutiae. Without such supervision, the procurement of a satisfactory annual statement must be regarded as extremely problematical. The fact that dividends are earned without such control, does not disprove the position, as in many cases the extraordinarily remunerative nature of an enterprise may ensure satisfactory returns under the most loose and inefficient management.&lt;br&gt;It may be proper here to remark, that in consequence of that want of adaptation before alluded to, we cannot avail ourselves to any great extent of the plan of organization of shorter lines in framing one for this, nor have we any precedent or experience upon which we can fully rely in doing so. Under these circumstances, it will scarcely be expected that we can at once adopt any plan of operations which will not require amendment and a reasonable time to prove its worth. A few general principles, however, may be regarded as settled and necessary in its formation, amongst which are:
*# A proper division of responsibilities.
*# Sufficient power conferred to enable the same to be fully carried out, that such responsibilities may be real in their character.
*# The means of knowing whether such responsibilities are faithfully executed.
*# Great promptness in the report of all derelictions of duty, that evils may be at once corrected.
*# Such information, to be obtained through a system of daily reports and checks that will not embarrass principal officers, nor lessen their influence with their subordinates.
*# The adoption of a system, as a whole, which will not only enable the General Superintendent to detect errors immediately, but will also point out the delinquent.
** [[Daniel McCallum]] (1855) &quot;[https://books.google.com/books?id=4Gc9AQAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PA33 Report of the Superintendent of the New York and Erie Railroad to the Stockholders, for the Year Ending September 30]&quot; in: ''Annual Report''. New York and Erie Railroad Company, 1856. p. 35-36.

* '''SYSTEM''' (σύστημα, σύν ἵστημιavu, to place together) — is a full and connected view of all the truths of some department of knowledge. An organized body of truth, or truths arranged under one and the same idea, which idea is as the life or soul which assimilates all those truths. No truth is altogether isolated. '''Every truth has relation to some other. And we should try to unite the facts of our knowledge so as to see them in their several bearings. This we do when we frame them into a ''system''. To do so legitimately we must begin by analysis and end with synthesis.''' But ''system'' applies not only to our knowledge, but to the objects of our knowledge. Thus we speak of the planetary ''system'', the muscular ''system'', the nervous ''system''. We believe that the order to which we would reduce our ideas has a foundation in the nature of things. And it is this belief that encourages us to reduce our knowledge of things into systematic order. The doing so is attended with many advantages. At the same time a spirit of systematizing may be carried too far. It is only in so far as it is in accordance with the order of nature that it can be useful or sound. Condillac has a ''Traite des Systemes,'' in which he traces their causes and their dangerous consequences.
** [[William Fleming]], ''[https://archive.org/details/vocabularyofphil00fle Vocabulary of philosophy, mental, moral, and metaphysical; with quotations and references; for the use of students],'' 1857, p. 503.

* Calvin's historical significance lay in this, that to the compact system of ancient dogmatic doctrine he opposed a new system of religion, far more compact and logical than that of any other Reformer;
** [[:w:Ludwig Häusser|Ludwig Häusser]] (1873). ''The period of the reformation, 1517-1648''. p. 245.

=== 20th century ===
=== First half of the 20th century ===
==== 1900s ====
* A system is not so important as a method. A system is of significance because it brings order and clearness into our knowledge, but he who hopes by its help to reach something more, he who thinks to extend his knowledge by means of a system is self-deceived.
** [[:w:Harald Høffding|Harald Høffding]] (1900). ''A history of modern philosophy: a sketch of the history of philosophy from the close of the Renaissance to our own day, Volume 2''.
[[File:Harald Høffding.jpg|thumb|upright|&lt;center&gt;''A system is of significance because it brings order and clearness into our knowledge, but he … who thinks to extend his knowledge by means of a system is self-deceived''.&lt;br&gt; - [[:w:Harald Høffding|Harald Høffding]], 1900&lt;/center&gt;]]
* If a state should pass laws forbidding its citizens to become wise and holy, it would be made a byword for all time. But this, in effect, is what our commercial, social, and political systems do. They compel the sacrifice of mental and moral power to money and dissipation.
** [[John Lancaster Spalding]], ''Aphorisms and Reflections'' (1901), p. 62

* A system is a way of going broke mathematically
** [[:w:John Ames Mitchell|John Ames Mitchell]] (1902). ''Life'' p. 552.

* Now a system is nothing but a mental connexion applied to a number of isolated events.
** William Smith (1906). ''The Quarterly review''. p. 465.

* A system is a whole which is composed of various parts. But it is not the same thing as an aggregate or heap. In an aggrete or heap, no essential relation exist between the units of which it is composed. In a heap of grain, or pile of stones, one may take away part without the other part being at all affected thereby. But in a system, each part has a fixed and necessary relation to the whole and to all the other parts. For this reason we may say that a building, or a peace of mechanisme, is a system. Each stone in the building, each wheel in the watch, plays a part, and is essential to the whole.
** [[:w:James Edwin Creighton|James Edwin Creighton]] (1909). ''An introductory logic‎''. p. 339-340.

==== 1910s ====
* In the past the man has been first; in the future the system must be first. This in no sense, however, implies that great men are not needed. On the contrary, the first object of any good system must be that of developing first-class men
** [[Frederick Winslow Taylor]] (1911) ''Principles of Scientific Management''. p. 2.

* A system is a plan or scheme of doctrines intended to develop a particular view.
** [[Albert Mackey]] (1919). ''An encyclopedia of freemasonry and its kindred sciences''. p. 755.

* A &quot;representation&quot; of a system is not a knowledge of this system, but is this system itself becoming an object, an element of experience..
** [[:w:Florian Znaniecki|Florian Znaniecki]] (1919). ''Cultural reality‎''. p. 231.

==== 1920s ====
* The complexity of a system is no guarantee of its accuracy.
** John Packard Jordan (1920). ''Cost accounting; principles and practice''. p. 7.

* In terms of the quantum theory, a system is defined as a collection of bands corresponding to a common transition between two major electron levels. Sets of bands in a system can be selected such that the frequency intervals between successive bands in the set change in an arithmetic progression. These sets can be chosen in two different ways, the frequency intervals increasing in opposite directions in the two sets. Deslandres, who did the pioneer work in this field, called one series of such sets &quot; first progressions,&quot; and the other series &quot; second progressions.&quot; An entire system of bands, often eighty or more in number, can thus be represented as a function of two parameters p and n. The parameter n varies in a first progression, p remaining constant. The parameter p varies in a second progression, n remaining constant.
** Raymond T. Birgg (1926) &quot;Electronic bands&quot;. In: ''Bulletin of the National Research Council‎''. Vol 11. March to December 1926. National Research Council (U.S). p. 73.

* Each atom is a system of all things.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]] (1929). ''Process and reality''. p. 53.

==== 1930s ====
* The crucial question is whether one is safe in assuming that the immense machinery of power that has resulted from activity of the utilitarian type can be made, on anything like present lines, to serve disinterested ends; whether it will not rather minister to the egoistic aims either of national groups or of individuals.
** [[Irving Babbitt]] (1930), &quot;What I Believe&quot; 

* A system is said to be coherent if every fact in the system is related every other fact in the system by relations that are not merely conjunctive. A deductive system affords a good example of a coherent system.
** [[:w:Susan Stebbing|Lizzie Susan Stebbing]] (1930) ''A modern introduction to logic.'' p. 198.

* The ordinary [[logic]] has a great deal to say about ''genera'' and ''species'', or in our nineteeth century dialect, about ''classes''. Now a ''class'' is a set of objects compromising all that stand to one another in a special relation of similarity. But where ordinary logic talks of classes the logic of relatives talks of ''systems''. A ''system'' is a set of objects compromising all that stands to one another in a group of connected relations. Induction according to ordinary logic rises from the contemplation of a sample of a class to that of a whole class; but according to the logic of relatives it rises from the comtemplation of a fragment of a system to the envisagement of the complete system.
** [[Charles Sanders Peirce]] (1839 – 1914) ''Collected papers of Charles Sanders Peirce, Volume 3''. Published 1930. p. 5.

* Systems, scientific and philosophic, come and go. Each method of limited understanding is at length exhausted. In its prime each system is a triumphant success: in its decay it is an obstructive nuisance.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]] (1933) ''Adventures of Ideas'', p. 203.

*They constantly try to escape&lt;br&gt;From the darkness outside and within&lt;br&gt;By dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good.
** [[T. S. Eliot]], ''The Rock'' (1934)

* [[Kurt Lewin|Lewin]] formally defines a Gestalt as: &quot;a system whose parts are dynamically connected in such a way that a change of one part results in a change of all other parts.&quot;
** [[Kurt Lewin]] (1936) ''Principles of Topological Psychology'' p. 218, as cited in: Granville Stanley Hall, Edward Bradford Titchener, Karl M. Dallenbach (1937) ''The American journal of psychology''. Vol. 50, p. 374.

* When a transfer of matter to or from a system is also possible, the system may be called an open system.
** Frank Henry MacDougall (1939). ''Thermodynamics and chemistry‎''. p. 134.

==== 1940s ====
* A system is defined as any combination of matter that we wish to study
** Earl Bowman Millard (1946). ''Physical chemistry for colleges: a course of instruction''. p. 30.

=== Second half of the 20th century ===
* No system would have ever been framed if people had been simply interested in knowing what is true, whatever it may be. What produces systems is the interest in maintaining against all comers that some favourite or inherited idea of ours is sufficient and right. A system may contain an account of many things which, in detail, are true enough; but as a system, covering infinite possibilities that neither our experience nor our logic can prejudge, it must be a work of imagination and a piece of human soliloquy: It may be expressive of human experience, it may be poetical; but how should anyone who really coveted truth suppose that it was true?
** [[George Santayana]], ''The Genteel Tradition in American Philosophy'', p. 49

* When I criticize a ''system'', they think I criticize them&amp;mdash;and that is of course because they accept the system and identify themselves with it. All love and bliss! And they seem to have no idea that the affluence (which for them is the kingdom of God) has another side to it&amp;mdash;the buried bodies of children in Vietnam and the Negro-Puerto Rican ghettos.
** [[Thomas Merton]], as cited in ''Follow the Ecstasy: The Hermitage Years of Thomas Merton'' by [[w:John Howard Griffin|John Howard Griffin]] (1983), p. 97

==== 1950s ====
* A system is difficult to define, but it is easy to recognize some of its characteristics. A system possesses boundaries which segregate it from the rest of its field: it is cohensive in the sense that it resists encroachment from without...
** Marvin Gerard Cline (1950). ''Fundamentals of a theory of the self: some exploratory speculations‎''. p. 45.

* Now a system is said to be at equilibrium when it has no further tendency to change its properties
** Walter John Moore (1950). ''Physical chemistry''. p. 56.

* Every part of the system is so related to every other part that any change in one aspect results in dynamic changes in all other parts of the total system
**  [[Arthur D. Hall]] and Robert E. Fagen (1956), &quot;Definition of System&quot;, in: ''General Systems'', 1 (1956), p. 18: Cited in: [[Harold Chestnut]] (1967) ''Systems Engineering Methods''. p. 121
* A system is any portion of the universe set aside for certain specified purposes. For our concern, a system is set aside from the universe in a manner that will enable this system to be built without having to consider the total universe. Therefore, the system is set aside from the universe by its inputs and outputs--its boundaries. The system may be said to be in operation when its inputs are being transformed into the required outputs. (Incidently, we are not here concerned with completely closed systems.) The systems that do concern us all have a number of components within their boundaries which together effect the transformation of the inputs to the required outputs. A man-machine system is one in which the components are comprised of both men and machines. Keep in mind that it is only when the components are operating together that the inputs are transformed into the proper outputs. Within this definition, a system may be anything from an amoeba to a transistor, to a weapon system, to a planet--depending on what the specified inputs and outputs are. The systems that specifically concern us are complex man-machine systems that have to be built.
** Kay Inaba et al. (1956). &quot;A rational method for applying behavioral technology to man-machine system design&quot;. In: ''Symposium on Air Force Human Engineering, Personnel and Training Research: papers.'' Volume 455 van Publication National Research Council, U.S. p. 65-66.

* A system is primarily a living system, and the process which defines it is the maintenance of an organization which we know as life.
**[[:w:Ralph W. Gerard|Ralph W. Gerard]] (1958). ''Units and Concepts of Biology''.

* The [[Systems Engineering]] method recognizes each system is an integrated whole even though composed of devices, specialized structures and sub-functions. It is further recognized that any system has a number of objectives and that the balance between them may differ widely from system to system. The methods seek to optimize the overall system function according to the weighted objectives and to achieve maximum capability of its parts.
** J.A. Morton (1959) &quot;Integrating of Systems Engineering with Component Development.&quot;''Electrical Manufacturing'', August 1959; As cited in: [[Allen B. Rosenstein]] (1965) &quot;[[Allen_B._Rosenstein#Systems_engineering_and_Modern_Engineering_Design_.281965.29|Systems engineering and Modern Engineering Design]]&quot;
* Modern positivists are apt to see more clearly that science is not a system of concepts but rather a system of statements.
**[[Karl Raimund Popper]] (1959) ''The logic of scientific discovery''. p. 11-12.

==== 1960s ====
* Some [[engineering]] artifacts are most easily analysed, described, or designed as an assembly of simpler parts. Artifacts of this kind are called [[systems]]. Some systems have the property that flowing through them are streams of some 'working fluid' (which may be matter, energy, or information), in such a way that the 'working fluid' passes in turn through many parts of the system, which is in consequence termed a sequential (or flow) system. Examples are a chemical plant, an electrical power distribution network, a digital computer, a sewer system. Systems which do not have this property are termed associative systems of which examples are a motor car, an aircraft, or a bridge - - it is with (sequential) systems that the theory of {{w|system design}} has primarily been developed.
** [[:w:William Gosling (engineer)|William Gosling]]  (1962). ''The design of engineering systems''. New York, Wiley
[[File:Systems thinking about the society.svg|thumb|upright|&lt;center&gt;''It is sheer nonsense to expect that any human being has yet been able to attain such insight into the problems of society that he can really identify the central problems and determine how they should be solved. The systems in which we live are far too complicated as yet for our intellectual powers and technology to understand.''&lt;br&gt; C. West Churchman, 1968.&lt;/center&gt;]]
* A system is a set of objects with relationships between the … in may be described generally as a complex of elements or components directly or indirectly related in a causal network, … Also, we are mainly interested in systems within which some process is continually going on, including an interchange with an environment across the boundary. It is generally agreed that when we deal with the more open system with a highly flexible structure, the distinction between the boundaries and the environment becomes a more and more arbitrary matter, dependent upon the purpose of the observer.
** [[Arthur D. Hall]] (1962) as cited in: Addison C. Bennett (1978) ''Improving management performance in health care institutions: a total systems approach.'' p. 40.

* Synergy is the only word in our language that means behavior of whole systems unpredicted by the separately observed behaviors of any of the system's separate parts or any subassembly of the system's parts. There is nothing in the [[chemistry]] of a toenail that predicts the existence of a human being.
** [[Buckminster Fuller]] (1963) ''Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth''.

* A system must be designed and tested as a complete entity. The word 'system' has come, through actual practice, to include: the prime mission equipment; its supporting command, control, training, checkout, test, and maintenance equipment; the facilities required to operate and maintain the system; the selection and training of personnel specialists; the operational and maintenance procedures; instrumentation and data reduction for test and evaluation; special aviation and acceptance programs and [[logistics]] support programs for spare and depot maintenance.&lt;br&gt;All parts of a system must have a common unified purpose: to contribute to the production of a single set of optimum outputs from given inputs with respect to time, cost, and performance measures of [[effectiveness]]. The absolute necessity for coherence requires an organization of creative technology which lead to the successful design of the complex military system. This organized creative technology is called Systems Engineering.
** USAF (1964) ''Air Force Systems Command Manual UFSCM 375-5'', February 1964: Cited in: [[Harold Chestnut]] (1967) ''Systems Engineering Methods''. p. 36-37.

* The [[systems engineering]] method recognizes each system is an integrated whole even though composed of diverse, specialized structures and sub-functions. It further recognizes that any system has a number of objectives and that the balance between them may differ widely from system to system.  The methods seek to optimize the overall system functions according to the weighted objectives and to achieve maximum compatibility of its parts.
** [[Harold Chestnut]] (1965) ''Systems Engineering Tools by Harold Chestnut''. Wiley.

* A system is not something given in nature, but something defined by [[intelligence]]... We select, from an infinite number of relations between things, a set which, because of coherence and pattern and purpose, permits an interpretation of what might otherwise be a meaningless cavalcade of arbitrary events. It follows that the detection of system in the world outside ourselves is a subjective matter. Two people will not necessarily agree on the existence, or nature, or boundaries of any systems so detected.
** [[Anthony Stafford Beer]] (1966, p. 242–3) as cited in: [[John Mingers]] (2006) ''Realising Systems Thinking: Knowledge and Action in Management Science.'' p. 86.

* The concept of a system is not a simple or unique one. There are many different kinds of systems, and different systems may be organized and operated in different ways. As individuals we all belong to some social system, we participate in an economic system, we are the product of several educational systems, and we are members of one or more family systems. In a similar fashion, the equipment of which physical systems are made may be members of many other systems, such as electrical, mechanical, sensing, actuating, energy, materials, and/or information systems. One of the challenges to the person who engineers a system is to find the many alternative ways in which the function, the operation, and/or the equipment of concern and interest may be considered, understood, and made to perform most effectively.
** [[Harold Chestnut]] (1967) ''Systems Engineering Methods'' p. 1.

* A system can be defined as a set of elements standing in interrelations.
** [[Ludwig von Bertalanffy]] (1968). ''General system theory: foundations, development, applications‎''. p. 55.

* It is sheer nonsense to expect that any human being has yet been able to attain such insight into the problems of [[society]] that he can really identify the central problems and determine how they should be solved. The systems in which we live are far too complicated as yet for our intellectual powers and technology to understand.
** [[C. West Churchman]] (1968) ''The Systems Approach'' p.x

* 'System' is the concept that refers both to a complex of interdependencies between parts, components, and processes, that involves discernible regularities of relationships, and to a similar type of interdependency between such a complex and its surrounding environment.
** [[Talcott Parsons]] (1968) &quot;Systems Analysis: Social Systems&quot; in: ''International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences''. cited in: {{w|Ida R. Hoos}} (1972) ''Systems Analysis in Public Policy: A Critique''. p. 458.

* The old [[art]] depicted space as uniform and enclosed. The new art perceives space as organic and open. The old art was an object. The new art is a system. The configuration of the movement is more important than the shape of the object. The message of a [[kinetic art|kinetic]] and luminic work is the light and movement it produces. It has no other message. It has no meaning besides movement.
** [[Willoughby Sharp]], &quot;Luminism and Kineticism,&quot; in: ''Minimal Art.- A Critical Anthology,'' [[Gregory Battcock]], ed. (New York: E.P. Dutton, 1968), p. 358

==== 1970s ====
* A system is anything that is not [[chaos]], and even though history seems highly chaotic at times, we have an intuitive feeling that it is not pure chaos.
** [[Kenneth E. Boulding]]. (1971). ''Collected Papers: Toward a general social science''. L. D. Singell (ed). p. 151.

* The notion of &quot;system&quot; has gained central importance in contemporary science, society and life. In many fields of endeavor, the necessity of a &quot;[[systems approach]]&quot; or &quot;[[systems thinking]]&quot; is emphasized, new professions called &quot;[[systems engineering]],&quot; &quot;systems analysis&quot; and the like have come into being, and there can be little doubt that this this concept marks a genuine, necessary, and consequential development in science and world-view.
** [[Ervin László]] (1972) ''Introduction to Systems Philosophy: Toward a New Paradigm of Contemporary Thought''. xvii.

* Everyone knows what engineering is. All that's left is to define systems, and I'm not fool enough to do that.
** [[Robert Machol]] (1971) in: Paul Lewis &quot;Mathmaticians Are Useful.&quot; ''The California Tech''. May 6, 1971. p. 1: Machol explains his definition of [[systems engineering]].

* {{w|Systems science}} is the ordered arrangement of knowledge acquired from the study of systems in the observable world, together with the application of this knowledge to the design of man-made systems.
** {{w|Philip M'Pherson}} (1974). A perspective on systems science and systems philosophy. ''Futures'', 6, p. 229.

* As any poet knows, a system is a way of looking at the [[world]].
** [[Gerald Weinberg]] (1975) ''Introduction to General Systems Thinking''. p. 52.

* Seen politically, systems follow one another, each consuming the previous one. They live on ever-bequeathed and ever-disappointed [[hope]], which never entirely fades. Its spark is all that survives, as it eats its way along the blasting fuse. For this spark, [[history]] is merely an occasion, never a goal.
** [[Ernst Jünger]], ''Eumeswil'' (1977)

==== 1980s ====
* A system is a set of two or more elements that satisfies the following three conditions.  (1) The behavior of each element has an effect on the behavior of the whole. (2) The behavior of the elements and their effects on the whole are interdependent. the way each element behaves and the way it affects the whole depends on how at least one other element behaves. (3) However subgroups of the elements are formed, each has an effect on the behavior of the whole and none has an independent effect on it.
** [[Russell L. Ackoff]] (1981) '', Creating the Corporate Future''. p. 15-16.

* A system is recognized as such by remaining recognizable as 'itself' in spite of changes in its detailed appearance.
** [[Anatol Rapoport]]. (1986). ''General system theory: essential concepts &amp; applications‎.'' p. 8.

* With increasing size and complexity of the implementations of information systems, it is necessary to use some logical construct (or architecture) for defining and controlling the interfaces and the integration of all of the components of the system.
** [[John Zachman]] (1987) &quot;A framework for information systems architecture&quot;. In: ''IBM Systems Journal'', Vol 26, Issue 3, p. 276.

* For a long time, people have been trying to characterize or define the notion of system. After all, “systems” are supposed to be what [[System Theory]] is about. The results so far have been contradictory and unsatisfactory. This confusion at the foundations has led many to conclude that there is no such thing as a &quot;system&quot; and hence to deny that System Theory is about anything. Even those most sympathetic to the notion have difficulties at this level. The very founders of System Theory did not try to say what a system was; and as for System Theory, they characterized it only obliquely, by saying it comprised all studies of interest to more than one discipline. They thereby begged the entire question.
** [[Robert Rosen]], &quot;Some comments on systems and system theory.&quot; in: ''International Journal of General Systems.'' Vol 13, (1986); p. 1.

==== 1990s ====
* [[Enterprise Engineering]] is based on the belief that an enterprise, as any other complex system can be designed or improved in an orderly fashion thus giving a better overall result than ad hoc organisation and design.
** [[Peter Bernus]], Laszlo Nemes, and R. Morris (1994) &quot;[http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.50.1736&amp;rep=rep1&amp;type=pdf Possibilities and limitations of reusing enterprise models].&quot; ''IFAC Workshop, Proceedings from Intelligent Manufacturing Systems''.

* Today the network of relationships linking the human race to itself and to the rest of the biosphere is so complex that all aspects affect all others to an extraordinary degree. Someone should be studying the whole system, however crudely that has to be done, because no gluing together of partial studies of a complex nonlinear system can give a good idea of the behaviour of the whole.
** [[Murray Gell-Mann]] in [http://www.newciv.org/ISSS_Primer/seminar.html ISSS The Primer Project] International Society for the Systems Sciences (ISSS) seminar, October 12 - November 10, 1997.

* What is a system? A system is a network of interdependent components that work together to try to accomplish the aim of the system. A system must have an aim. Without an aim, there is no system. The aim of the system must be clear to everyone in the system. The aim must include plans for the future. The aim is a value judgment. (We are of course talking here about a man-made system.)
** [[W. Edwards Deming]] (1999) ''The New Economics for Industry, Government, Education''

=== 21st century ===

====2000s====

* Another system is possible. Another system is a necessity.
** [[Neil Faulkner (archaeologist)|Neil Faulkner]], ''[https://www.timetomutiny.org/post/mass-deaths-mass-poverty-mass-repression Mass Deaths, Mass Poverty, Mass Repression]'', co-written with Phil Hearse, 20 March 2020, ''Mutiny''

* The term &quot;system&quot; is unquestionably one of the most widely used terms not only in science, but in other areas of human endeavor as well. It is a highly overworked term, which enjoys different meanings under different circumstances and for different people. However, when separated from its specific connotations and uses, the term &quot;system&quot; is almost never explicitly defined.
** [[George Klir]] (2001) ''Facets of Systems Science,'' p. 4.

* In the most abstract sense, a system is a set of objects together with relationships among the objects. Such a definition implies that a system has properties, functions, and dynamics distinct from its constituent objects and relationships.
** [[Tom R. Burns]] (2006) &quot;System Theories&quot; in: George Ritzer ed. ''The Encyclopedia of Sociology,'' Blackwell Publishing.

* A system is a set of things — people, cells, molecules, or whatever — interconnected in such a way that they produce their own pattern of behavior over time... The system, to a large extent, causes its own behavior.
** [[Donella Meadows]] (2008) ''Thinking in systems: A Primer''. p. 2 as cited in: Stephen M Millett (2011) ''Managing the Future: A Guide to Forecasting and Strategic Planning''. p. 51.

* Any virtue systematically applied becomes a vice. Morality is attention, not system.
** [[James Richardson]], ''Vectors: Aphorisms and Ten Second Essays'' (2001), #398

* Societies grow into systems. The systems require management and are therefore increasingly wielded, like a tool or a weapon, by those who have power. The rest of the population is still needed to do specific things. But the citizens are not needed to contribute to the form or direction of the society. The more &quot;advanced&quot; the civilization, the more irrelevant the citizen becomes.
** [[John Ralston Saul]], ''Voltaire's Bastards : The Dictatorship of Reason in the West'' (1992)

====2010s====
* A physical system is just that: a physical system. What is systematized is matter itself, and the processes in which the system is realized are also material. But a biological system is more complex: it is both biological and physical — it is matter with the added component of life; and a social system is more complex still: it is physical, and biological, with the added component of social order, or value. … A semiotic system is still one step further in complexity: it is physical, and biological, and social —and also semiotic: what is being systematized is meaning. In evolutionary terms, it is a system of the fourth order of complexity
** [[Michael Halliday|M.A.K. Halliday]] (2005, p. 68) as cited in: Andrew Halliday and Marion Glaser (2011) &quot;A Management Perspective on Social Ecological Systems&quot;. In: ''Human Ecology Review'', Vol. 18, No. 1, 2011.

* A self–organizing system acts autonomously, as if the interconnecting components had a single mind. And as these components spontaneously march to the beat of their own drummer, they organize, adapt, and evolve toward a greater complexity than one would ever expect by just looking at the parts by themselves.
** [[L.K. Samuels]], ''In Defense of Chaos: The Chaology of Politics, Economics and Human Action.'' Cobden Press, (2013) p. 225.

* No single human being could ever comprehend or acquire the full knowledge needed to mastermind all–encompassing events. This means that sociopolitical systems can never find the perfect leader or perfect management system to fine–tune society. The inherent nature of complexity is to doubt certainty and any pretense to finite and flawless data. Put another way, under uncertainty principles, any attempt by political systems to “impose order” has an equal chance to instead “impose disorder.”
** [[w: L.K. Samuels|L.K. Samuels]], ''In Defense of Chaos: The Chaology of Politics, Economics and Human Action'', Cobden Press (2013) p. 227

* Going into this system means you cannot be against it. It's good to keep a [[non-governmental free organisation]] without money from the [[government]], and without having to play the political games. Just to be free and to have the possibility to discuss and control each decision of the {{w|political system}} from the streets... It's the best and most powerful place to be.
** [[Oksana Shachko]], as quoted in ''[https://luxtimes.lu/archives/12783-interview-speaking-of-femen-ism Interview: Speaking of Femen-ism]'' (3 August 2015), ''{{w|Luxemburger Wort}}''.

====2020s====
* ...those people who defend a nihilistic and ruthless system may go down with it as it implodes in on itself...
** James Fitzgerald, [https://www.coreysdigs.com/global/proper-etiquette-for-agent-provocateurs/ &quot;Proper Etiquette for Agent Provocateurs&quot;]

== Anonymous ==
&lt;!-- The following listing is partly sourced, but the author is (still) unknown--&gt;
* A system is only for the philosopher, for a system implies analysis, and the poetic method is essentially synthesis.
** In: ''The Academy'', Volume 59, 1900.

* A system is a body composed of two or more components or phases.
** In: ''Iron and steel: (a pocket encyclopedia)'', p. 220. 1910.

* A saint without a system is a fool, and a fool never yet convinced anybody...
** In: ''The Independent'', 1915. p. 428.

* When a system is radically wrong, we must abandon that system and find a better one.
** In: ''Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science'', Volumes 69-71 1917.

* System is what differentiates the professional from the amateur.
** In: &quot;Get yourself a system‎&quot; in: ''The Rotarian''. juli 1943 - v. 63. p. 34.

==See also==
*[[Enterprise architecture]]
*[[Environment]]
*[[Order]]
*[[Synergy]]
*[[Synthesis]]
*[[Systems theory]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wiktionary|system}}
* [http://www.muellerscience.com/SPEZIALITAETEN/System/System_Definitionen.htm ''Definitionen von &quot;System&quot; (1572-2002)''] by Roland Müller, 2001-2007 (most in German).

[[Category:Chronologically ordered theme pages to be converted to alphabetical ordering]]
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== Madman in Bulldozer on Aisle Five ==

[[File:Bauhaus Marionette Nachbau Der-Bucklige-Frontal.jpg|thumb|the bulldozer operator?]]
:For anyone interested, it should be noted that &quot;HouseofChange&quot; is wildly pushing his (or a puppetmaster's?) POV. All the quotes bulldozed wrecklessly in bulk carte blanche, over the past couple of months  were ALL approved by the regular Admins here months ago. They made zero objections to the material and are  known to scrutinize everything posted here without delay. Suddenly a very loudmouthed newcomer arrived on the set, has over-ruled the judgement of the other admins, and is very heroically, loudly,  rescuing the entire project  from the diabolical work of a villain who slipped hundreds of quotations &amp; new pages into the system while the all guards were sound asleep? Really??!!  What a mystery.  Maybe the bulldozer operator and a few others, are working for corrupt elements of the U.S. Government, knuckleheads who hate the truth &amp; love censorhip, coverups and their skills in the art of deception [[Information Warfare Community|&quot;information dominance&quot;]]???? What happened?  Does wikipedia give refunds to extremely disappointed donors??  May fearful people quit being afraid. May everyone feel the peace that passes understanding.  May God help us all!
* It would probably be more helpful if you just dryly told us what the problem was instead of trying to be so supremely colorful. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 18:43, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

: He seems pretty neutral to me. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]]) 02:05, 10 May 2022 (UTC)

: (EC) Nobody has called the sockmaster &quot;diabolical&quot; or a &quot;villain.&quot;  I am new here but I have been [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange&amp;dir=prev&amp;target=HouseOfChange active at Wikipedia since 2014]. My edit history is clear and public. And unfortunately for the sockmaster, their combined edit history is also clear and public, although they tried to hide it by caping their views behind multiethnic identities. So LibraryClerk was the same person as GaneshaSis who was the same person as WASPy-sounding WillSeymoreIII. Military-sounding AlphaBravo2022 was the same person as triply-ethnic Alicia-abdula-mcdonald  (she was for a while giving edit summaries in French.) That's deception. And once LibraryClerk got banned but kept right on posting using other accounts, that's abusive sockpuppetry that gets editors blocked, per longtime policy. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:07, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], you say that your &quot; edit history is clear and public&quot;. but when I try to use Xtools to look at your contribution history I see &lt;blockquote&gt;This user has not opted in to have this data shown. Please either login to XTools as this user, or create User:HouseOfChange/EditCounterOptIn.js with any content. See the documentation for more information.&lt;/blockquote&gt; Would you pease allow wikiquotiens to see your contributions on this wiki by simply clicking '''Supercount''' at the bottom of your contributions page? Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 14:19, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::: What is public and plain is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange my contribution history]. (I can see yours and everybody else's that way.) I am not sure what privacy rights I'd be giving away by opting into making my edit counts public, so I don't plan to do that unless for some very good reason. I made very few edits to Wikiquote until this year, so it shouldn't be hard for people to analyze.  [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:16, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]]The analysis of your edits through  Xtools on enwp is available for anyone to see. Are you saying that you trust enwp more than you trust enwq? if so, who is it that you trust less on wikiquote:
::::* Readers
::::* Users
::::* Admins
::::* Visitors from other wmf-projects such as Stewards, Global sysops, swmt members, renamers, etc.
::::* anyone else
::::Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 10:50, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

{{outdent}} I am here to help build WikiQuote, not for drama and personal interactions. I am not interested in continuing this discussion, or any other that doesn't directly bear on WikiQuote. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:06, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], so am I. I  posted my question above because I believe it is very relevant to the health of Wikiquote. [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 12:49, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:: I disagree, and I have no intention of 1) changing my settings or 2) replying to your dramatic speculation about what my motivations might be. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:37, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

== Merge ip edits to user account ==

I have been editing under the ip range of [[Special:Contributions/2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64|2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64]], I would like this to be merged to the user account [[User:ilovemydoodle|ilovemydoodle]], Is this possible and if so, can it be done?
{{Collapse bottom}}

== &quot;LibraryClerk&quot; editing from IP ==

This IP is clearly a new sock of &quot;LibraryClerk&quot;: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/24.42.166.244

Could some admin please block this new sock that is evading LibraryClerk's block? Otherwise Wikiquote will continue to get edits such as [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Corruption&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3118813 this major POV push]. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 07:33, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* I don't see that this account is registered on any project. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:35, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
** {{re|GreenMeansGo}} I should have given the full name,  [[Special:Contributions/Libraryclerk0191]]. I don't have a link to the  sockpuppet investigation but the aftermath was discussed [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/037#Comparison_of_privacy_protection_between_Wikiquote_(WQ)_and_the_English_Wikipedia_(ENWP) here]. Apparently {{u|Vermont}} did a checkuser, because it looked as if LC191 was continuing to edit from other usernames.  Then {{u|Ferien}} blocked LC191's sock accounts identified from the sock check, IIUC. Please somebody block this IP who is CLEARLY the same person, from creating new clean-up problems. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:37, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 11:31, 31 May 2022 (UTC)

== Account deletion ==

I have decided to not delete my account, I would like my User Page undeleted, I will be un-redacting comments. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) {{Ds|{DELETION IN PROGRESS}}} 04:39, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:29, 1 June 2022 (UTC)

== Redirect request ==

Can someone please make [[☭]] redirect to [[communism]]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 09:14, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
: A redirect from what? ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:56, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|UDScott}} From [[☭]] to [[Communism]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:58, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::Ah, I see. However, this symbol is on the list of disallowed page titles. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:00, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} That’s why I’m asking for an admin to do it, it exists on Wikipedia. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 13:01, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Sockpuppet investigation ==

I think [[Special:contribs/221.120.208.175|221.120.208.175]] might be a Sockpuppet of [[User:GHOSTWORKER|GHOSTWORKER]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 05:03, 4 June 2022 (UTC)

{{Ds|No I donot Know him 221.120.208.175}}

: ??? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 02:41, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Link hijacking ==

Admins, do you check links for hijacking? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:49, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

:E.g.? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)
::Like sending a link to malware or some kind of unauthorized Administrator/Bureaucrat action disguised as something else. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:58, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

&lt;s&gt;Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Ilovemydoodle&amp;oldid=3111786 this]?&lt;/s&gt; Edit: Done. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 14:01, 7 June 2022 (UTC)

== LTA horror decade sock strikes again ==

IP user 2600:387:15:630:0:0:0:8 is a LTA talk page vandal sock. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 01:49, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 01:56, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (2) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3115216&amp;diffmode=source this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:38, 10 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:10, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thanks. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:25, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (3) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Will_Smith&amp;oldid=3110155 this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:04, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} Revdel should be reserved for particularly egregious material (doxxing, linking to spam, personal insults) and this edit is not that. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:15, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Edit filter ==

{{ping|koavf}} Could you add &quot;VVKLOSER&quot; to the Edit Filter? (it's commonly used by GRP) – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:51, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} {{u|Ferien}} Do you want to do this? You have a filter for this abuser and I think you could incorporate it into that one. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:18, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{u|Koavf}}, yep, I'll take a look at that now, probably not too difficult to do. The filter itself is mainly a copy of simplewiki's as his behaviour is almost identical here. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:24, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:28, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::::Well it doesn’t seem to be working: VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:43, 16 June 2022 (UTC)

== Page protection may be needed ==
[[Bubble Guppies]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes, page protection may be needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 19:32, 14 June 2022 (UTC)
:Also the same keeps happening with [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]]. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 00:43, 15 June 2022 (UTC)
::Also with [[Yo Gabba Gabba]]‎ and to a lesser extent [[T.U.F.F. Puppy]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 00:56, 15 June 2022 (UTC)

== Requested move ==

Can an admin move [[Zork Grand Inquisitor]] to [[Zork: Grand Inquisitor]], over the current redirect? Cheers, [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 17:16, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 00:47, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 05:41, 17 June 2022 (UTC)

== Protected move request ==

Could the pages [[Template:Test4]] and [[Template:Test4im]] be swapped? They seem to be the reverse of what they should be (also to be consistent with Wikipedia). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 03:02, 21 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

Could someone revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User:SHUMBH&amp;oldid=3133965 this] edit summary? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:12, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:11, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

== Archive.is ==

Can we add archive.is to the abuse filter? Or whatever domain they're using now. It is commonly abused by GRP and I see no real use of it. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:45, 1 July 2022 (UTC)

== Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! ==
The page [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes. I think page protection is needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:22, 5 July 2022 (UTC)
:Already done - my first step was to protect it from IP edits...if it continues, will take further steps. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:23, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

::Ok, thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:32, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

== Request for Importer ==

&lt;span style=&quot;position: absolute; visibility: hidden;&quot;&gt;@[[User:Aphaia]] @[[User:BD2412]] @[[User:DannyS712]] @[[User:Ferien]] @[[User:GreenMeansGo]] @[[User:Illegitimate Barrister]] @[[User:Jusjih]] @[[User:Kalki]] @[[User:Koavf]] @[[User:Mdd]] @[[User:Miszatomic]] @[[User:Ningauble]] @[[User:Pmlineditor]] @[[User:UDScott]]
&lt;!-- All users after this line are not admins, just want to be pinged. You, yourself, can be added here, too, just add yourself below this line. --&gt;
@[[User:Ilovemydoodle]]&lt;/span&gt;@$[[Special:ListUsers/sysop|AllAdministrators]]: (pinging because the admins don’t seem to check this page often)

I regularly need to import pages from Wikipedia and other wikis, so I am requesting the &lt;code&gt;import&lt;/code&gt; right to make this process much easier, provide better attribution, and to allow the reversal, modification, and viewing of pre-import revisions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 20:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

:As pointed out on my talk, a bureaucrat will need to actually do this. Have you done importing before? Are you willing to do the cleanup necessary (e.g. when there are redlinks)? Can you give an idea of what you'd want to import, as the content pages from Wikipedia will not always be relevant here (tho some of them would be, as there are articles tagged with quotation sections that should be imported)? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:30, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|koavf}} Yes, I have imported hundreds of templates (properly). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:32, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::I cannot recall any other requests for this right in the past - and it appears that this can actually only be done by a steward. Per the [[w:Wikipedia:User_access_levels#Importers_and_transwiki_importers|relevant page on WP]], &quot;This access is highly restricted and is only available for assignment to a limited number of very trusted users by stewards following a special community approval discussion.&quot; I don't think that you wishing to have it to make some tasks easier qualifies. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} I am very confused. The option is available already to admins, so why do I need to be more trusted to get a lower-level user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:39, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::I just quoted what I read on the subject (as I had to look into it, having never received such a request before) - take it up with a steward if you have an issue, as it does not appear I could grant it to you even if I wanted to. As to your question - admins already go through a special community approval process in order to become admins. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:45, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::{{ping|UDScott}} So, admins can be appointed by bureaucrats, but importers have to be appointed by stewards. If so, then why do you have to go through a far-more thorough appointing process to get a lesser user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:48, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::::I don't see that it is any more thorough than that for admins. In both cases, a community discussion is required, it's just different roles that actually grant the permission after said discussion. I'm also not really inclined to say that importing is really a lesser user right - it could certainly be abused in the wrong hands. I am not saying you would abuse it, but I can see why it is not so easily granted. I do still have some reluctance to grant you additional rights anyway, as I still do not understand all that you are trying to do here, and I still maintain that much of your template work is redundant and wasted and steamrolls existing templates already in use. You demonstrate an impatience that in my mind is not compatible with someone with advanced user rights on the site. By the way, you're asking these questions to me as if I was the author of the cited policies - I am not. And I have no idea why any of this was set up this way (other than to be judicious in granting such rights, as I mentioned already). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:04, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::::{{ping|UDScott}} Well, my point is not that is or is not a &quot;lesser right&quot;, but that it is not a greater right. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:16, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

== Report concerning Achim110 ==

{{U|Achim110}} is making some weird edits. On [[Wikidata]], {{GENDER:Achim110|he|she|they}} [[Special:Diff/3125691/3141310|replaced the Wikidata logo with a (nonexistent) Wikinews logo]], with several other nonsensical logo edits in between. Some of their other page creations seem to be random copy+pasted “administrative” wikitext; at [[Keir Graff]], they’ve created a purported block review by [[User:Keir Graff]] (whose user page Achim also created, and who also isn’t blocked on English Wikiquote as far as I can tell). Can someone check what’s going on? [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 14:29, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
: This user has been permanently blocked, and a mass deletion of all pages created by the account performed. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:08, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

== Edit war ==

There has been an ongoing edit war on [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]] on whether &quot;Shadow&quot;'s eyes are orange or red. Can this be sorted out? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:05, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done|Solved}} '''&lt;sup&gt;(Hopefully)&lt;/sup&gt;''' by [[User:Koavf|Koavf]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 07:14, 14 July 2022 (UTC)

== Crosswiki spammer ==

On the [[:Education in India]] page, please hide the two edits immediately prior to my edit. They contain a spam link being pushed across numerous wikis. Cheers. ['''[[:User:Cromium|&lt;sub&gt;24&lt;/sub&gt;Cr]]''']['''[[:User talk:Cromium|talk]]'''] 12:40, 15 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

== Finish a deletion nomination ==

Hello, please could someone add [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Formatting]] to the log page for me? I can't do it as an IP because the page has been protected. Thank you! [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 00:21, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:26, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Thanks a bunch, much appreciated.
::If you get a minute could you also add:
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:N]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:This]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Vote removed]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Strikethrough templates]]
::to the same page? [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} as well. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:24, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::::Could you please also list these four discussions?:
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:LTADatabase]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:REDACTED]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Always substitute]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:T]]
::::Thank you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:12, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Forgot to ping you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:16, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:56, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

== Broken links in contributions page ==

also, while I'm here, the SUL info link in [[MediaWiki:Sp-contributions-footer]] leads to a deleted tool, and the &quot;supercount&quot; tool has been renamed to xtools and moved to a different domain. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 01:03, 19 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] Sorry, you seem to have gotten that back to front. The link you removed still works, but it now redirects you to a different site because it was replaced by a new tool. The one that is broken without replacement is the &quot;SUL info&quot; link. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 10:25, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
:::done}} Whoopsie daisy. Thanks.{ —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

== [[User: Eaglestorm]] again ==

This user with a history of being disruptive and a permanent block from English WP was recently unblocked on a technicality and is back to their typical antics of ruthlessly “enforcing” the non-policy, unofficial guideline of [[WQ:LOQ]] via edit warring and being hostile and stubborn when asked to negotiate a solution. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:29, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>a6j8xeqtmd2nnsibdswxlmjw813r0wn</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146195</id>
      <parentid>3146189</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:32:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* User: Eaglestorm again */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="28160" xml:space="preserve">{{/Header}}
{{User:MABot/config
|archive = Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/%(counter)03d
|algo = old(15d)
|counter = 37
|maxarchivesize = 300K
|minthreadsleft = 2
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== Madman in Bulldozer on Aisle Five ==

[[File:Bauhaus Marionette Nachbau Der-Bucklige-Frontal.jpg|thumb|the bulldozer operator?]]
:For anyone interested, it should be noted that &quot;HouseofChange&quot; is wildly pushing his (or a puppetmaster's?) POV. All the quotes bulldozed wrecklessly in bulk carte blanche, over the past couple of months  were ALL approved by the regular Admins here months ago. They made zero objections to the material and are  known to scrutinize everything posted here without delay. Suddenly a very loudmouthed newcomer arrived on the set, has over-ruled the judgement of the other admins, and is very heroically, loudly,  rescuing the entire project  from the diabolical work of a villain who slipped hundreds of quotations &amp; new pages into the system while the all guards were sound asleep? Really??!!  What a mystery.  Maybe the bulldozer operator and a few others, are working for corrupt elements of the U.S. Government, knuckleheads who hate the truth &amp; love censorhip, coverups and their skills in the art of deception [[Information Warfare Community|&quot;information dominance&quot;]]???? What happened?  Does wikipedia give refunds to extremely disappointed donors??  May fearful people quit being afraid. May everyone feel the peace that passes understanding.  May God help us all!
* It would probably be more helpful if you just dryly told us what the problem was instead of trying to be so supremely colorful. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 18:43, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

: He seems pretty neutral to me. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]]) 02:05, 10 May 2022 (UTC)

: (EC) Nobody has called the sockmaster &quot;diabolical&quot; or a &quot;villain.&quot;  I am new here but I have been [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange&amp;dir=prev&amp;target=HouseOfChange active at Wikipedia since 2014]. My edit history is clear and public. And unfortunately for the sockmaster, their combined edit history is also clear and public, although they tried to hide it by caping their views behind multiethnic identities. So LibraryClerk was the same person as GaneshaSis who was the same person as WASPy-sounding WillSeymoreIII. Military-sounding AlphaBravo2022 was the same person as triply-ethnic Alicia-abdula-mcdonald  (she was for a while giving edit summaries in French.) That's deception. And once LibraryClerk got banned but kept right on posting using other accounts, that's abusive sockpuppetry that gets editors blocked, per longtime policy. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:07, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], you say that your &quot; edit history is clear and public&quot;. but when I try to use Xtools to look at your contribution history I see &lt;blockquote&gt;This user has not opted in to have this data shown. Please either login to XTools as this user, or create User:HouseOfChange/EditCounterOptIn.js with any content. See the documentation for more information.&lt;/blockquote&gt; Would you pease allow wikiquotiens to see your contributions on this wiki by simply clicking '''Supercount''' at the bottom of your contributions page? Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 14:19, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::: What is public and plain is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange my contribution history]. (I can see yours and everybody else's that way.) I am not sure what privacy rights I'd be giving away by opting into making my edit counts public, so I don't plan to do that unless for some very good reason. I made very few edits to Wikiquote until this year, so it shouldn't be hard for people to analyze.  [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:16, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]]The analysis of your edits through  Xtools on enwp is available for anyone to see. Are you saying that you trust enwp more than you trust enwq? if so, who is it that you trust less on wikiquote:
::::* Readers
::::* Users
::::* Admins
::::* Visitors from other wmf-projects such as Stewards, Global sysops, swmt members, renamers, etc.
::::* anyone else
::::Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 10:50, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

{{outdent}} I am here to help build WikiQuote, not for drama and personal interactions. I am not interested in continuing this discussion, or any other that doesn't directly bear on WikiQuote. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:06, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], so am I. I  posted my question above because I believe it is very relevant to the health of Wikiquote. [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 12:49, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:: I disagree, and I have no intention of 1) changing my settings or 2) replying to your dramatic speculation about what my motivations might be. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:37, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

== Merge ip edits to user account ==

I have been editing under the ip range of [[Special:Contributions/2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64|2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64]], I would like this to be merged to the user account [[User:ilovemydoodle|ilovemydoodle]], Is this possible and if so, can it be done?
{{Collapse bottom}}

== &quot;LibraryClerk&quot; editing from IP ==

This IP is clearly a new sock of &quot;LibraryClerk&quot;: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/24.42.166.244

Could some admin please block this new sock that is evading LibraryClerk's block? Otherwise Wikiquote will continue to get edits such as [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Corruption&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3118813 this major POV push]. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 07:33, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* I don't see that this account is registered on any project. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:35, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
** {{re|GreenMeansGo}} I should have given the full name,  [[Special:Contributions/Libraryclerk0191]]. I don't have a link to the  sockpuppet investigation but the aftermath was discussed [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/037#Comparison_of_privacy_protection_between_Wikiquote_(WQ)_and_the_English_Wikipedia_(ENWP) here]. Apparently {{u|Vermont}} did a checkuser, because it looked as if LC191 was continuing to edit from other usernames.  Then {{u|Ferien}} blocked LC191's sock accounts identified from the sock check, IIUC. Please somebody block this IP who is CLEARLY the same person, from creating new clean-up problems. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:37, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 11:31, 31 May 2022 (UTC)

== Account deletion ==

I have decided to not delete my account, I would like my User Page undeleted, I will be un-redacting comments. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) {{Ds|{DELETION IN PROGRESS}}} 04:39, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:29, 1 June 2022 (UTC)

== Redirect request ==

Can someone please make [[☭]] redirect to [[communism]]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 09:14, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
: A redirect from what? ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:56, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|UDScott}} From [[☭]] to [[Communism]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:58, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::Ah, I see. However, this symbol is on the list of disallowed page titles. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:00, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} That’s why I’m asking for an admin to do it, it exists on Wikipedia. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 13:01, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Sockpuppet investigation ==

I think [[Special:contribs/221.120.208.175|221.120.208.175]] might be a Sockpuppet of [[User:GHOSTWORKER|GHOSTWORKER]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 05:03, 4 June 2022 (UTC)

{{Ds|No I donot Know him 221.120.208.175}}

: ??? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 02:41, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Link hijacking ==

Admins, do you check links for hijacking? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:49, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

:E.g.? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)
::Like sending a link to malware or some kind of unauthorized Administrator/Bureaucrat action disguised as something else. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:58, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

&lt;s&gt;Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Ilovemydoodle&amp;oldid=3111786 this]?&lt;/s&gt; Edit: Done. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 14:01, 7 June 2022 (UTC)

== LTA horror decade sock strikes again ==

IP user 2600:387:15:630:0:0:0:8 is a LTA talk page vandal sock. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 01:49, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 01:56, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (2) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3115216&amp;diffmode=source this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:38, 10 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:10, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thanks. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:25, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (3) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Will_Smith&amp;oldid=3110155 this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:04, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} Revdel should be reserved for particularly egregious material (doxxing, linking to spam, personal insults) and this edit is not that. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:15, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Edit filter ==

{{ping|koavf}} Could you add &quot;VVKLOSER&quot; to the Edit Filter? (it's commonly used by GRP) – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:51, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} {{u|Ferien}} Do you want to do this? You have a filter for this abuser and I think you could incorporate it into that one. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:18, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{u|Koavf}}, yep, I'll take a look at that now, probably not too difficult to do. The filter itself is mainly a copy of simplewiki's as his behaviour is almost identical here. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:24, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:28, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::::Well it doesn’t seem to be working: VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:43, 16 June 2022 (UTC)

== Page protection may be needed ==
[[Bubble Guppies]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes, page protection may be needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 19:32, 14 June 2022 (UTC)
:Also the same keeps happening with [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]]. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 00:43, 15 June 2022 (UTC)
::Also with [[Yo Gabba Gabba]]‎ and to a lesser extent [[T.U.F.F. Puppy]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 00:56, 15 June 2022 (UTC)

== Requested move ==

Can an admin move [[Zork Grand Inquisitor]] to [[Zork: Grand Inquisitor]], over the current redirect? Cheers, [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 17:16, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 00:47, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 05:41, 17 June 2022 (UTC)

== Protected move request ==

Could the pages [[Template:Test4]] and [[Template:Test4im]] be swapped? They seem to be the reverse of what they should be (also to be consistent with Wikipedia). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 03:02, 21 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

Could someone revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User:SHUMBH&amp;oldid=3133965 this] edit summary? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:12, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:11, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

== Archive.is ==

Can we add archive.is to the abuse filter? Or whatever domain they're using now. It is commonly abused by GRP and I see no real use of it. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:45, 1 July 2022 (UTC)

== Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! ==
The page [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes. I think page protection is needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:22, 5 July 2022 (UTC)
:Already done - my first step was to protect it from IP edits...if it continues, will take further steps. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:23, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

::Ok, thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:32, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

== Request for Importer ==

&lt;span style=&quot;position: absolute; visibility: hidden;&quot;&gt;@[[User:Aphaia]] @[[User:BD2412]] @[[User:DannyS712]] @[[User:Ferien]] @[[User:GreenMeansGo]] @[[User:Illegitimate Barrister]] @[[User:Jusjih]] @[[User:Kalki]] @[[User:Koavf]] @[[User:Mdd]] @[[User:Miszatomic]] @[[User:Ningauble]] @[[User:Pmlineditor]] @[[User:UDScott]]
&lt;!-- All users after this line are not admins, just want to be pinged. You, yourself, can be added here, too, just add yourself below this line. --&gt;
@[[User:Ilovemydoodle]]&lt;/span&gt;@$[[Special:ListUsers/sysop|AllAdministrators]]: (pinging because the admins don’t seem to check this page often)

I regularly need to import pages from Wikipedia and other wikis, so I am requesting the &lt;code&gt;import&lt;/code&gt; right to make this process much easier, provide better attribution, and to allow the reversal, modification, and viewing of pre-import revisions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 20:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

:As pointed out on my talk, a bureaucrat will need to actually do this. Have you done importing before? Are you willing to do the cleanup necessary (e.g. when there are redlinks)? Can you give an idea of what you'd want to import, as the content pages from Wikipedia will not always be relevant here (tho some of them would be, as there are articles tagged with quotation sections that should be imported)? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:30, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|koavf}} Yes, I have imported hundreds of templates (properly). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:32, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::I cannot recall any other requests for this right in the past - and it appears that this can actually only be done by a steward. Per the [[w:Wikipedia:User_access_levels#Importers_and_transwiki_importers|relevant page on WP]], &quot;This access is highly restricted and is only available for assignment to a limited number of very trusted users by stewards following a special community approval discussion.&quot; I don't think that you wishing to have it to make some tasks easier qualifies. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} I am very confused. The option is available already to admins, so why do I need to be more trusted to get a lower-level user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:39, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::I just quoted what I read on the subject (as I had to look into it, having never received such a request before) - take it up with a steward if you have an issue, as it does not appear I could grant it to you even if I wanted to. As to your question - admins already go through a special community approval process in order to become admins. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:45, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::{{ping|UDScott}} So, admins can be appointed by bureaucrats, but importers have to be appointed by stewards. If so, then why do you have to go through a far-more thorough appointing process to get a lesser user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:48, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::::I don't see that it is any more thorough than that for admins. In both cases, a community discussion is required, it's just different roles that actually grant the permission after said discussion. I'm also not really inclined to say that importing is really a lesser user right - it could certainly be abused in the wrong hands. I am not saying you would abuse it, but I can see why it is not so easily granted. I do still have some reluctance to grant you additional rights anyway, as I still do not understand all that you are trying to do here, and I still maintain that much of your template work is redundant and wasted and steamrolls existing templates already in use. You demonstrate an impatience that in my mind is not compatible with someone with advanced user rights on the site. By the way, you're asking these questions to me as if I was the author of the cited policies - I am not. And I have no idea why any of this was set up this way (other than to be judicious in granting such rights, as I mentioned already). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:04, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::::{{ping|UDScott}} Well, my point is not that is or is not a &quot;lesser right&quot;, but that it is not a greater right. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:16, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

== Report concerning Achim110 ==

{{U|Achim110}} is making some weird edits. On [[Wikidata]], {{GENDER:Achim110|he|she|they}} [[Special:Diff/3125691/3141310|replaced the Wikidata logo with a (nonexistent) Wikinews logo]], with several other nonsensical logo edits in between. Some of their other page creations seem to be random copy+pasted “administrative” wikitext; at [[Keir Graff]], they’ve created a purported block review by [[User:Keir Graff]] (whose user page Achim also created, and who also isn’t blocked on English Wikiquote as far as I can tell). Can someone check what’s going on? [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 14:29, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
: This user has been permanently blocked, and a mass deletion of all pages created by the account performed. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:08, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

== Edit war ==

There has been an ongoing edit war on [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]] on whether &quot;Shadow&quot;'s eyes are orange or red. Can this be sorted out? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:05, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done|Solved}} '''&lt;sup&gt;(Hopefully)&lt;/sup&gt;''' by [[User:Koavf|Koavf]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 07:14, 14 July 2022 (UTC)

== Crosswiki spammer ==

On the [[:Education in India]] page, please hide the two edits immediately prior to my edit. They contain a spam link being pushed across numerous wikis. Cheers. ['''[[:User:Cromium|&lt;sub&gt;24&lt;/sub&gt;Cr]]''']['''[[:User talk:Cromium|talk]]'''] 12:40, 15 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

== Finish a deletion nomination ==

Hello, please could someone add [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Formatting]] to the log page for me? I can't do it as an IP because the page has been protected. Thank you! [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 00:21, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:26, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Thanks a bunch, much appreciated.
::If you get a minute could you also add:
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:N]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:This]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Vote removed]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Strikethrough templates]]
::to the same page? [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} as well. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:24, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::::Could you please also list these four discussions?:
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:LTADatabase]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:REDACTED]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Always substitute]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:T]]
::::Thank you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:12, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Forgot to ping you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:16, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:56, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

== Broken links in contributions page ==

also, while I'm here, the SUL info link in [[MediaWiki:Sp-contributions-footer]] leads to a deleted tool, and the &quot;supercount&quot; tool has been renamed to xtools and moved to a different domain. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 01:03, 19 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] Sorry, you seem to have gotten that back to front. The link you removed still works, but it now redirects you to a different site because it was replaced by a new tool. The one that is broken without replacement is the &quot;SUL info&quot; link. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 10:25, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
:::done}} Whoopsie daisy. Thanks.{ —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

== [[User: Eaglestorm]] again ==

This user with a history of being disruptive (just see their [[User talk:Eaglestorm]]) and a permanent block from English WP was recently globally unblocked on a technicality and is back to their [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm typical antics] of ruthlessly “enforcing” the non-policy, unofficial guideline of [[WQ:LOQ]] via edit warring and being hostile and stubborn when asked to negotiate a solution. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:29, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>cqgk1x45kyddn585rggm2wjvybnt1fi</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146196</id>
      <parentid>3146195</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:33:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* User: Eaglestorm again */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="28303" xml:space="preserve">{{/Header}}
{{User:MABot/config
|archive = Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/%(counter)03d
|algo = old(15d)
|counter = 37
|maxarchivesize = 300K
|minthreadsleft = 2
|archiveheader = 
|minthreadstoarchive = 1
}}

== Madman in Bulldozer on Aisle Five ==

[[File:Bauhaus Marionette Nachbau Der-Bucklige-Frontal.jpg|thumb|the bulldozer operator?]]
:For anyone interested, it should be noted that &quot;HouseofChange&quot; is wildly pushing his (or a puppetmaster's?) POV. All the quotes bulldozed wrecklessly in bulk carte blanche, over the past couple of months  were ALL approved by the regular Admins here months ago. They made zero objections to the material and are  known to scrutinize everything posted here without delay. Suddenly a very loudmouthed newcomer arrived on the set, has over-ruled the judgement of the other admins, and is very heroically, loudly,  rescuing the entire project  from the diabolical work of a villain who slipped hundreds of quotations &amp; new pages into the system while the all guards were sound asleep? Really??!!  What a mystery.  Maybe the bulldozer operator and a few others, are working for corrupt elements of the U.S. Government, knuckleheads who hate the truth &amp; love censorhip, coverups and their skills in the art of deception [[Information Warfare Community|&quot;information dominance&quot;]]???? What happened?  Does wikipedia give refunds to extremely disappointed donors??  May fearful people quit being afraid. May everyone feel the peace that passes understanding.  May God help us all!
* It would probably be more helpful if you just dryly told us what the problem was instead of trying to be so supremely colorful. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 18:43, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

: He seems pretty neutral to me. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]]) 02:05, 10 May 2022 (UTC)

: (EC) Nobody has called the sockmaster &quot;diabolical&quot; or a &quot;villain.&quot;  I am new here but I have been [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange&amp;dir=prev&amp;target=HouseOfChange active at Wikipedia since 2014]. My edit history is clear and public. And unfortunately for the sockmaster, their combined edit history is also clear and public, although they tried to hide it by caping their views behind multiethnic identities. So LibraryClerk was the same person as GaneshaSis who was the same person as WASPy-sounding WillSeymoreIII. Military-sounding AlphaBravo2022 was the same person as triply-ethnic Alicia-abdula-mcdonald  (she was for a while giving edit summaries in French.) That's deception. And once LibraryClerk got banned but kept right on posting using other accounts, that's abusive sockpuppetry that gets editors blocked, per longtime policy. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:07, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], you say that your &quot; edit history is clear and public&quot;. but when I try to use Xtools to look at your contribution history I see &lt;blockquote&gt;This user has not opted in to have this data shown. Please either login to XTools as this user, or create User:HouseOfChange/EditCounterOptIn.js with any content. See the documentation for more information.&lt;/blockquote&gt; Would you pease allow wikiquotiens to see your contributions on this wiki by simply clicking '''Supercount''' at the bottom of your contributions page? Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 14:19, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::: What is public and plain is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange my contribution history]. (I can see yours and everybody else's that way.) I am not sure what privacy rights I'd be giving away by opting into making my edit counts public, so I don't plan to do that unless for some very good reason. I made very few edits to Wikiquote until this year, so it shouldn't be hard for people to analyze.  [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:16, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]]The analysis of your edits through  Xtools on enwp is available for anyone to see. Are you saying that you trust enwp more than you trust enwq? if so, who is it that you trust less on wikiquote:
::::* Readers
::::* Users
::::* Admins
::::* Visitors from other wmf-projects such as Stewards, Global sysops, swmt members, renamers, etc.
::::* anyone else
::::Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 10:50, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

{{outdent}} I am here to help build WikiQuote, not for drama and personal interactions. I am not interested in continuing this discussion, or any other that doesn't directly bear on WikiQuote. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:06, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], so am I. I  posted my question above because I believe it is very relevant to the health of Wikiquote. [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 12:49, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:: I disagree, and I have no intention of 1) changing my settings or 2) replying to your dramatic speculation about what my motivations might be. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:37, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

== Merge ip edits to user account ==

I have been editing under the ip range of [[Special:Contributions/2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64|2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64]], I would like this to be merged to the user account [[User:ilovemydoodle|ilovemydoodle]], Is this possible and if so, can it be done?
{{Collapse bottom}}

== &quot;LibraryClerk&quot; editing from IP ==

This IP is clearly a new sock of &quot;LibraryClerk&quot;: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/24.42.166.244

Could some admin please block this new sock that is evading LibraryClerk's block? Otherwise Wikiquote will continue to get edits such as [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Corruption&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3118813 this major POV push]. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 07:33, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* I don't see that this account is registered on any project. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:35, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
** {{re|GreenMeansGo}} I should have given the full name,  [[Special:Contributions/Libraryclerk0191]]. I don't have a link to the  sockpuppet investigation but the aftermath was discussed [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/037#Comparison_of_privacy_protection_between_Wikiquote_(WQ)_and_the_English_Wikipedia_(ENWP) here]. Apparently {{u|Vermont}} did a checkuser, because it looked as if LC191 was continuing to edit from other usernames.  Then {{u|Ferien}} blocked LC191's sock accounts identified from the sock check, IIUC. Please somebody block this IP who is CLEARLY the same person, from creating new clean-up problems. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:37, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 11:31, 31 May 2022 (UTC)

== Account deletion ==

I have decided to not delete my account, I would like my User Page undeleted, I will be un-redacting comments. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) {{Ds|{DELETION IN PROGRESS}}} 04:39, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:29, 1 June 2022 (UTC)

== Redirect request ==

Can someone please make [[☭]] redirect to [[communism]]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 09:14, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
: A redirect from what? ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:56, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|UDScott}} From [[☭]] to [[Communism]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:58, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::Ah, I see. However, this symbol is on the list of disallowed page titles. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:00, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} That’s why I’m asking for an admin to do it, it exists on Wikipedia. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 13:01, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Sockpuppet investigation ==

I think [[Special:contribs/221.120.208.175|221.120.208.175]] might be a Sockpuppet of [[User:GHOSTWORKER|GHOSTWORKER]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 05:03, 4 June 2022 (UTC)

{{Ds|No I donot Know him 221.120.208.175}}

: ??? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 02:41, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Link hijacking ==

Admins, do you check links for hijacking? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:49, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

:E.g.? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)
::Like sending a link to malware or some kind of unauthorized Administrator/Bureaucrat action disguised as something else. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:58, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

&lt;s&gt;Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Ilovemydoodle&amp;oldid=3111786 this]?&lt;/s&gt; Edit: Done. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 14:01, 7 June 2022 (UTC)

== LTA horror decade sock strikes again ==

IP user 2600:387:15:630:0:0:0:8 is a LTA talk page vandal sock. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 01:49, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 01:56, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (2) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3115216&amp;diffmode=source this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:38, 10 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:10, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thanks. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:25, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (3) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Will_Smith&amp;oldid=3110155 this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:04, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} Revdel should be reserved for particularly egregious material (doxxing, linking to spam, personal insults) and this edit is not that. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:15, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Edit filter ==

{{ping|koavf}} Could you add &quot;VVKLOSER&quot; to the Edit Filter? (it's commonly used by GRP) – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:51, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} {{u|Ferien}} Do you want to do this? You have a filter for this abuser and I think you could incorporate it into that one. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:18, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{u|Koavf}}, yep, I'll take a look at that now, probably not too difficult to do. The filter itself is mainly a copy of simplewiki's as his behaviour is almost identical here. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:24, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:28, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::::Well it doesn’t seem to be working: VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:43, 16 June 2022 (UTC)

== Page protection may be needed ==
[[Bubble Guppies]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes, page protection may be needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 19:32, 14 June 2022 (UTC)
:Also the same keeps happening with [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]]. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 00:43, 15 June 2022 (UTC)
::Also with [[Yo Gabba Gabba]]‎ and to a lesser extent [[T.U.F.F. Puppy]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 00:56, 15 June 2022 (UTC)

== Requested move ==

Can an admin move [[Zork Grand Inquisitor]] to [[Zork: Grand Inquisitor]], over the current redirect? Cheers, [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 17:16, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 00:47, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 05:41, 17 June 2022 (UTC)

== Protected move request ==

Could the pages [[Template:Test4]] and [[Template:Test4im]] be swapped? They seem to be the reverse of what they should be (also to be consistent with Wikipedia). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 03:02, 21 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

Could someone revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User:SHUMBH&amp;oldid=3133965 this] edit summary? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:12, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:11, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

== Archive.is ==

Can we add archive.is to the abuse filter? Or whatever domain they're using now. It is commonly abused by GRP and I see no real use of it. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:45, 1 July 2022 (UTC)

== Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! ==
The page [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes. I think page protection is needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:22, 5 July 2022 (UTC)
:Already done - my first step was to protect it from IP edits...if it continues, will take further steps. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:23, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

::Ok, thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:32, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

== Request for Importer ==

&lt;span style=&quot;position: absolute; visibility: hidden;&quot;&gt;@[[User:Aphaia]] @[[User:BD2412]] @[[User:DannyS712]] @[[User:Ferien]] @[[User:GreenMeansGo]] @[[User:Illegitimate Barrister]] @[[User:Jusjih]] @[[User:Kalki]] @[[User:Koavf]] @[[User:Mdd]] @[[User:Miszatomic]] @[[User:Ningauble]] @[[User:Pmlineditor]] @[[User:UDScott]]
&lt;!-- All users after this line are not admins, just want to be pinged. You, yourself, can be added here, too, just add yourself below this line. --&gt;
@[[User:Ilovemydoodle]]&lt;/span&gt;@$[[Special:ListUsers/sysop|AllAdministrators]]: (pinging because the admins don’t seem to check this page often)

I regularly need to import pages from Wikipedia and other wikis, so I am requesting the &lt;code&gt;import&lt;/code&gt; right to make this process much easier, provide better attribution, and to allow the reversal, modification, and viewing of pre-import revisions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 20:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

:As pointed out on my talk, a bureaucrat will need to actually do this. Have you done importing before? Are you willing to do the cleanup necessary (e.g. when there are redlinks)? Can you give an idea of what you'd want to import, as the content pages from Wikipedia will not always be relevant here (tho some of them would be, as there are articles tagged with quotation sections that should be imported)? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:30, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|koavf}} Yes, I have imported hundreds of templates (properly). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:32, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::I cannot recall any other requests for this right in the past - and it appears that this can actually only be done by a steward. Per the [[w:Wikipedia:User_access_levels#Importers_and_transwiki_importers|relevant page on WP]], &quot;This access is highly restricted and is only available for assignment to a limited number of very trusted users by stewards following a special community approval discussion.&quot; I don't think that you wishing to have it to make some tasks easier qualifies. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} I am very confused. The option is available already to admins, so why do I need to be more trusted to get a lower-level user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:39, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::I just quoted what I read on the subject (as I had to look into it, having never received such a request before) - take it up with a steward if you have an issue, as it does not appear I could grant it to you even if I wanted to. As to your question - admins already go through a special community approval process in order to become admins. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:45, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::{{ping|UDScott}} So, admins can be appointed by bureaucrats, but importers have to be appointed by stewards. If so, then why do you have to go through a far-more thorough appointing process to get a lesser user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:48, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::::I don't see that it is any more thorough than that for admins. In both cases, a community discussion is required, it's just different roles that actually grant the permission after said discussion. I'm also not really inclined to say that importing is really a lesser user right - it could certainly be abused in the wrong hands. I am not saying you would abuse it, but I can see why it is not so easily granted. I do still have some reluctance to grant you additional rights anyway, as I still do not understand all that you are trying to do here, and I still maintain that much of your template work is redundant and wasted and steamrolls existing templates already in use. You demonstrate an impatience that in my mind is not compatible with someone with advanced user rights on the site. By the way, you're asking these questions to me as if I was the author of the cited policies - I am not. And I have no idea why any of this was set up this way (other than to be judicious in granting such rights, as I mentioned already). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:04, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::::{{ping|UDScott}} Well, my point is not that is or is not a &quot;lesser right&quot;, but that it is not a greater right. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:16, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

== Report concerning Achim110 ==

{{U|Achim110}} is making some weird edits. On [[Wikidata]], {{GENDER:Achim110|he|she|they}} [[Special:Diff/3125691/3141310|replaced the Wikidata logo with a (nonexistent) Wikinews logo]], with several other nonsensical logo edits in between. Some of their other page creations seem to be random copy+pasted “administrative” wikitext; at [[Keir Graff]], they’ve created a purported block review by [[User:Keir Graff]] (whose user page Achim also created, and who also isn’t blocked on English Wikiquote as far as I can tell). Can someone check what’s going on? [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 14:29, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
: This user has been permanently blocked, and a mass deletion of all pages created by the account performed. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:08, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

== Edit war ==

There has been an ongoing edit war on [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]] on whether &quot;Shadow&quot;'s eyes are orange or red. Can this be sorted out? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:05, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done|Solved}} '''&lt;sup&gt;(Hopefully)&lt;/sup&gt;''' by [[User:Koavf|Koavf]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 07:14, 14 July 2022 (UTC)

== Crosswiki spammer ==

On the [[:Education in India]] page, please hide the two edits immediately prior to my edit. They contain a spam link being pushed across numerous wikis. Cheers. ['''[[:User:Cromium|&lt;sub&gt;24&lt;/sub&gt;Cr]]''']['''[[:User talk:Cromium|talk]]'''] 12:40, 15 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

== Finish a deletion nomination ==

Hello, please could someone add [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Formatting]] to the log page for me? I can't do it as an IP because the page has been protected. Thank you! [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 00:21, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:26, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Thanks a bunch, much appreciated.
::If you get a minute could you also add:
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:N]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:This]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Vote removed]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Strikethrough templates]]
::to the same page? [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} as well. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:24, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::::Could you please also list these four discussions?:
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:LTADatabase]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:REDACTED]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Always substitute]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:T]]
::::Thank you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:12, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Forgot to ping you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:16, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:56, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

== Broken links in contributions page ==

also, while I'm here, the SUL info link in [[MediaWiki:Sp-contributions-footer]] leads to a deleted tool, and the &quot;supercount&quot; tool has been renamed to xtools and moved to a different domain. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 01:03, 19 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] Sorry, you seem to have gotten that back to front. The link you removed still works, but it now redirects you to a different site because it was replaced by a new tool. The one that is broken without replacement is the &quot;SUL info&quot; link. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 10:25, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
:::done}} Whoopsie daisy. Thanks.{ —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

== [[User: Eaglestorm]] again ==

This user with a history of being disruptive (just see their [[User talk:Eaglestorm]]) and a permanent block from English WP was recently globally unblocked on a technicality and is back to their [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm typical antics] of ruthlessly “enforcing” the non-policy, unofficial guideline of [[WQ:LOQ]] via edit warring and being hostile and stubborn when asked to negotiate a solution. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:29, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
:here we go. did you even read the stewards report? --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:33, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>bum7l6blfn8mux02ehf90a7jnerhsrb</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146197</id>
      <parentid>3146196</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:35:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* User: Eaglestorm again */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="28482" xml:space="preserve">{{/Header}}
{{User:MABot/config
|archive = Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/%(counter)03d
|algo = old(15d)
|counter = 37
|maxarchivesize = 300K
|minthreadsleft = 2
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== Madman in Bulldozer on Aisle Five ==

[[File:Bauhaus Marionette Nachbau Der-Bucklige-Frontal.jpg|thumb|the bulldozer operator?]]
:For anyone interested, it should be noted that &quot;HouseofChange&quot; is wildly pushing his (or a puppetmaster's?) POV. All the quotes bulldozed wrecklessly in bulk carte blanche, over the past couple of months  were ALL approved by the regular Admins here months ago. They made zero objections to the material and are  known to scrutinize everything posted here without delay. Suddenly a very loudmouthed newcomer arrived on the set, has over-ruled the judgement of the other admins, and is very heroically, loudly,  rescuing the entire project  from the diabolical work of a villain who slipped hundreds of quotations &amp; new pages into the system while the all guards were sound asleep? Really??!!  What a mystery.  Maybe the bulldozer operator and a few others, are working for corrupt elements of the U.S. Government, knuckleheads who hate the truth &amp; love censorhip, coverups and their skills in the art of deception [[Information Warfare Community|&quot;information dominance&quot;]]???? What happened?  Does wikipedia give refunds to extremely disappointed donors??  May fearful people quit being afraid. May everyone feel the peace that passes understanding.  May God help us all!
* It would probably be more helpful if you just dryly told us what the problem was instead of trying to be so supremely colorful. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 18:43, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

: He seems pretty neutral to me. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]]) 02:05, 10 May 2022 (UTC)

: (EC) Nobody has called the sockmaster &quot;diabolical&quot; or a &quot;villain.&quot;  I am new here but I have been [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange&amp;dir=prev&amp;target=HouseOfChange active at Wikipedia since 2014]. My edit history is clear and public. And unfortunately for the sockmaster, their combined edit history is also clear and public, although they tried to hide it by caping their views behind multiethnic identities. So LibraryClerk was the same person as GaneshaSis who was the same person as WASPy-sounding WillSeymoreIII. Military-sounding AlphaBravo2022 was the same person as triply-ethnic Alicia-abdula-mcdonald  (she was for a while giving edit summaries in French.) That's deception. And once LibraryClerk got banned but kept right on posting using other accounts, that's abusive sockpuppetry that gets editors blocked, per longtime policy. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:07, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], you say that your &quot; edit history is clear and public&quot;. but when I try to use Xtools to look at your contribution history I see &lt;blockquote&gt;This user has not opted in to have this data shown. Please either login to XTools as this user, or create User:HouseOfChange/EditCounterOptIn.js with any content. See the documentation for more information.&lt;/blockquote&gt; Would you pease allow wikiquotiens to see your contributions on this wiki by simply clicking '''Supercount''' at the bottom of your contributions page? Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 14:19, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::: What is public and plain is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange my contribution history]. (I can see yours and everybody else's that way.) I am not sure what privacy rights I'd be giving away by opting into making my edit counts public, so I don't plan to do that unless for some very good reason. I made very few edits to Wikiquote until this year, so it shouldn't be hard for people to analyze.  [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:16, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]]The analysis of your edits through  Xtools on enwp is available for anyone to see. Are you saying that you trust enwp more than you trust enwq? if so, who is it that you trust less on wikiquote:
::::* Readers
::::* Users
::::* Admins
::::* Visitors from other wmf-projects such as Stewards, Global sysops, swmt members, renamers, etc.
::::* anyone else
::::Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 10:50, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

{{outdent}} I am here to help build WikiQuote, not for drama and personal interactions. I am not interested in continuing this discussion, or any other that doesn't directly bear on WikiQuote. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:06, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], so am I. I  posted my question above because I believe it is very relevant to the health of Wikiquote. [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 12:49, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:: I disagree, and I have no intention of 1) changing my settings or 2) replying to your dramatic speculation about what my motivations might be. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:37, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

== Merge ip edits to user account ==

I have been editing under the ip range of [[Special:Contributions/2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64|2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64]], I would like this to be merged to the user account [[User:ilovemydoodle|ilovemydoodle]], Is this possible and if so, can it be done?
{{Collapse bottom}}

== &quot;LibraryClerk&quot; editing from IP ==

This IP is clearly a new sock of &quot;LibraryClerk&quot;: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/24.42.166.244

Could some admin please block this new sock that is evading LibraryClerk's block? Otherwise Wikiquote will continue to get edits such as [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Corruption&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3118813 this major POV push]. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 07:33, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* I don't see that this account is registered on any project. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:35, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
** {{re|GreenMeansGo}} I should have given the full name,  [[Special:Contributions/Libraryclerk0191]]. I don't have a link to the  sockpuppet investigation but the aftermath was discussed [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/037#Comparison_of_privacy_protection_between_Wikiquote_(WQ)_and_the_English_Wikipedia_(ENWP) here]. Apparently {{u|Vermont}} did a checkuser, because it looked as if LC191 was continuing to edit from other usernames.  Then {{u|Ferien}} blocked LC191's sock accounts identified from the sock check, IIUC. Please somebody block this IP who is CLEARLY the same person, from creating new clean-up problems. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:37, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 11:31, 31 May 2022 (UTC)

== Account deletion ==

I have decided to not delete my account, I would like my User Page undeleted, I will be un-redacting comments. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) {{Ds|{DELETION IN PROGRESS}}} 04:39, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:29, 1 June 2022 (UTC)

== Redirect request ==

Can someone please make [[☭]] redirect to [[communism]]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 09:14, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
: A redirect from what? ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:56, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|UDScott}} From [[☭]] to [[Communism]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:58, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::Ah, I see. However, this symbol is on the list of disallowed page titles. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:00, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} That’s why I’m asking for an admin to do it, it exists on Wikipedia. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 13:01, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Sockpuppet investigation ==

I think [[Special:contribs/221.120.208.175|221.120.208.175]] might be a Sockpuppet of [[User:GHOSTWORKER|GHOSTWORKER]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 05:03, 4 June 2022 (UTC)

{{Ds|No I donot Know him 221.120.208.175}}

: ??? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 02:41, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Link hijacking ==

Admins, do you check links for hijacking? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:49, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

:E.g.? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)
::Like sending a link to malware or some kind of unauthorized Administrator/Bureaucrat action disguised as something else. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:58, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

&lt;s&gt;Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Ilovemydoodle&amp;oldid=3111786 this]?&lt;/s&gt; Edit: Done. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 14:01, 7 June 2022 (UTC)

== LTA horror decade sock strikes again ==

IP user 2600:387:15:630:0:0:0:8 is a LTA talk page vandal sock. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 01:49, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 01:56, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (2) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3115216&amp;diffmode=source this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:38, 10 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:10, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thanks. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:25, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (3) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Will_Smith&amp;oldid=3110155 this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:04, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} Revdel should be reserved for particularly egregious material (doxxing, linking to spam, personal insults) and this edit is not that. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:15, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Edit filter ==

{{ping|koavf}} Could you add &quot;VVKLOSER&quot; to the Edit Filter? (it's commonly used by GRP) – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:51, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} {{u|Ferien}} Do you want to do this? You have a filter for this abuser and I think you could incorporate it into that one. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:18, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{u|Koavf}}, yep, I'll take a look at that now, probably not too difficult to do. The filter itself is mainly a copy of simplewiki's as his behaviour is almost identical here. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:24, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:28, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::::Well it doesn’t seem to be working: VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:43, 16 June 2022 (UTC)

== Page protection may be needed ==
[[Bubble Guppies]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes, page protection may be needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 19:32, 14 June 2022 (UTC)
:Also the same keeps happening with [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]]. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 00:43, 15 June 2022 (UTC)
::Also with [[Yo Gabba Gabba]]‎ and to a lesser extent [[T.U.F.F. Puppy]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 00:56, 15 June 2022 (UTC)

== Requested move ==

Can an admin move [[Zork Grand Inquisitor]] to [[Zork: Grand Inquisitor]], over the current redirect? Cheers, [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 17:16, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 00:47, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 05:41, 17 June 2022 (UTC)

== Protected move request ==

Could the pages [[Template:Test4]] and [[Template:Test4im]] be swapped? They seem to be the reverse of what they should be (also to be consistent with Wikipedia). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 03:02, 21 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

Could someone revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User:SHUMBH&amp;oldid=3133965 this] edit summary? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:12, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:11, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

== Archive.is ==

Can we add archive.is to the abuse filter? Or whatever domain they're using now. It is commonly abused by GRP and I see no real use of it. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:45, 1 July 2022 (UTC)

== Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! ==
The page [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes. I think page protection is needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:22, 5 July 2022 (UTC)
:Already done - my first step was to protect it from IP edits...if it continues, will take further steps. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:23, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

::Ok, thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:32, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

== Request for Importer ==

&lt;span style=&quot;position: absolute; visibility: hidden;&quot;&gt;@[[User:Aphaia]] @[[User:BD2412]] @[[User:DannyS712]] @[[User:Ferien]] @[[User:GreenMeansGo]] @[[User:Illegitimate Barrister]] @[[User:Jusjih]] @[[User:Kalki]] @[[User:Koavf]] @[[User:Mdd]] @[[User:Miszatomic]] @[[User:Ningauble]] @[[User:Pmlineditor]] @[[User:UDScott]]
&lt;!-- All users after this line are not admins, just want to be pinged. You, yourself, can be added here, too, just add yourself below this line. --&gt;
@[[User:Ilovemydoodle]]&lt;/span&gt;@$[[Special:ListUsers/sysop|AllAdministrators]]: (pinging because the admins don’t seem to check this page often)

I regularly need to import pages from Wikipedia and other wikis, so I am requesting the &lt;code&gt;import&lt;/code&gt; right to make this process much easier, provide better attribution, and to allow the reversal, modification, and viewing of pre-import revisions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 20:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

:As pointed out on my talk, a bureaucrat will need to actually do this. Have you done importing before? Are you willing to do the cleanup necessary (e.g. when there are redlinks)? Can you give an idea of what you'd want to import, as the content pages from Wikipedia will not always be relevant here (tho some of them would be, as there are articles tagged with quotation sections that should be imported)? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:30, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|koavf}} Yes, I have imported hundreds of templates (properly). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:32, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::I cannot recall any other requests for this right in the past - and it appears that this can actually only be done by a steward. Per the [[w:Wikipedia:User_access_levels#Importers_and_transwiki_importers|relevant page on WP]], &quot;This access is highly restricted and is only available for assignment to a limited number of very trusted users by stewards following a special community approval discussion.&quot; I don't think that you wishing to have it to make some tasks easier qualifies. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} I am very confused. The option is available already to admins, so why do I need to be more trusted to get a lower-level user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:39, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::I just quoted what I read on the subject (as I had to look into it, having never received such a request before) - take it up with a steward if you have an issue, as it does not appear I could grant it to you even if I wanted to. As to your question - admins already go through a special community approval process in order to become admins. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:45, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::{{ping|UDScott}} So, admins can be appointed by bureaucrats, but importers have to be appointed by stewards. If so, then why do you have to go through a far-more thorough appointing process to get a lesser user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:48, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::::I don't see that it is any more thorough than that for admins. In both cases, a community discussion is required, it's just different roles that actually grant the permission after said discussion. I'm also not really inclined to say that importing is really a lesser user right - it could certainly be abused in the wrong hands. I am not saying you would abuse it, but I can see why it is not so easily granted. I do still have some reluctance to grant you additional rights anyway, as I still do not understand all that you are trying to do here, and I still maintain that much of your template work is redundant and wasted and steamrolls existing templates already in use. You demonstrate an impatience that in my mind is not compatible with someone with advanced user rights on the site. By the way, you're asking these questions to me as if I was the author of the cited policies - I am not. And I have no idea why any of this was set up this way (other than to be judicious in granting such rights, as I mentioned already). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:04, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::::{{ping|UDScott}} Well, my point is not that is or is not a &quot;lesser right&quot;, but that it is not a greater right. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:16, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

== Report concerning Achim110 ==

{{U|Achim110}} is making some weird edits. On [[Wikidata]], {{GENDER:Achim110|he|she|they}} [[Special:Diff/3125691/3141310|replaced the Wikidata logo with a (nonexistent) Wikinews logo]], with several other nonsensical logo edits in between. Some of their other page creations seem to be random copy+pasted “administrative” wikitext; at [[Keir Graff]], they’ve created a purported block review by [[User:Keir Graff]] (whose user page Achim also created, and who also isn’t blocked on English Wikiquote as far as I can tell). Can someone check what’s going on? [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 14:29, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
: This user has been permanently blocked, and a mass deletion of all pages created by the account performed. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:08, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

== Edit war ==

There has been an ongoing edit war on [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]] on whether &quot;Shadow&quot;'s eyes are orange or red. Can this be sorted out? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:05, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done|Solved}} '''&lt;sup&gt;(Hopefully)&lt;/sup&gt;''' by [[User:Koavf|Koavf]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 07:14, 14 July 2022 (UTC)

== Crosswiki spammer ==

On the [[:Education in India]] page, please hide the two edits immediately prior to my edit. They contain a spam link being pushed across numerous wikis. Cheers. ['''[[:User:Cromium|&lt;sub&gt;24&lt;/sub&gt;Cr]]''']['''[[:User talk:Cromium|talk]]'''] 12:40, 15 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

== Finish a deletion nomination ==

Hello, please could someone add [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Formatting]] to the log page for me? I can't do it as an IP because the page has been protected. Thank you! [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 00:21, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:26, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Thanks a bunch, much appreciated.
::If you get a minute could you also add:
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:N]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:This]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Vote removed]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Strikethrough templates]]
::to the same page? [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} as well. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:24, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::::Could you please also list these four discussions?:
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:LTADatabase]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:REDACTED]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Always substitute]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:T]]
::::Thank you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:12, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Forgot to ping you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:16, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:56, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

== Broken links in contributions page ==

also, while I'm here, the SUL info link in [[MediaWiki:Sp-contributions-footer]] leads to a deleted tool, and the &quot;supercount&quot; tool has been renamed to xtools and moved to a different domain. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 01:03, 19 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] Sorry, you seem to have gotten that back to front. The link you removed still works, but it now redirects you to a different site because it was replaced by a new tool. The one that is broken without replacement is the &quot;SUL info&quot; link. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 10:25, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
:::done}} Whoopsie daisy. Thanks.{ —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

== [[User: Eaglestorm]] again ==

This user with a history of being disruptive (just see their [[User talk:Eaglestorm]]) and a permanent block from English WP was recently globally unblocked on a technicality and is back to their [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm typical antics] of ruthlessly “enforcing” the non-policy, unofficial guideline of [[WQ:LOQ]] via edit warring and being hostile and stubborn when asked to negotiate a solution. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:29, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
:here we go. did you even read the stewards report? I'm up to &quot;typical antics&quot; ... YOU'RE PLAIN OBSESSED with taking me down. What nonpolicy are you talking about? The one that's been effective with copyvio for the last 14 years?  --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:33, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>6unzvvgorfdc2zf1hkx8923j5aawxgg</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146198</id>
      <parentid>3146197</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:35:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* User: Eaglestorm again */ Reply</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="28619" xml:space="preserve">{{/Header}}
{{User:MABot/config
|archive = Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/%(counter)03d
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== Madman in Bulldozer on Aisle Five ==

[[File:Bauhaus Marionette Nachbau Der-Bucklige-Frontal.jpg|thumb|the bulldozer operator?]]
:For anyone interested, it should be noted that &quot;HouseofChange&quot; is wildly pushing his (or a puppetmaster's?) POV. All the quotes bulldozed wrecklessly in bulk carte blanche, over the past couple of months  were ALL approved by the regular Admins here months ago. They made zero objections to the material and are  known to scrutinize everything posted here without delay. Suddenly a very loudmouthed newcomer arrived on the set, has over-ruled the judgement of the other admins, and is very heroically, loudly,  rescuing the entire project  from the diabolical work of a villain who slipped hundreds of quotations &amp; new pages into the system while the all guards were sound asleep? Really??!!  What a mystery.  Maybe the bulldozer operator and a few others, are working for corrupt elements of the U.S. Government, knuckleheads who hate the truth &amp; love censorhip, coverups and their skills in the art of deception [[Information Warfare Community|&quot;information dominance&quot;]]???? What happened?  Does wikipedia give refunds to extremely disappointed donors??  May fearful people quit being afraid. May everyone feel the peace that passes understanding.  May God help us all!
* It would probably be more helpful if you just dryly told us what the problem was instead of trying to be so supremely colorful. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 18:43, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

: He seems pretty neutral to me. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]]) 02:05, 10 May 2022 (UTC)

: (EC) Nobody has called the sockmaster &quot;diabolical&quot; or a &quot;villain.&quot;  I am new here but I have been [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange&amp;dir=prev&amp;target=HouseOfChange active at Wikipedia since 2014]. My edit history is clear and public. And unfortunately for the sockmaster, their combined edit history is also clear and public, although they tried to hide it by caping their views behind multiethnic identities. So LibraryClerk was the same person as GaneshaSis who was the same person as WASPy-sounding WillSeymoreIII. Military-sounding AlphaBravo2022 was the same person as triply-ethnic Alicia-abdula-mcdonald  (she was for a while giving edit summaries in French.) That's deception. And once LibraryClerk got banned but kept right on posting using other accounts, that's abusive sockpuppetry that gets editors blocked, per longtime policy. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:07, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], you say that your &quot; edit history is clear and public&quot;. but when I try to use Xtools to look at your contribution history I see &lt;blockquote&gt;This user has not opted in to have this data shown. Please either login to XTools as this user, or create User:HouseOfChange/EditCounterOptIn.js with any content. See the documentation for more information.&lt;/blockquote&gt; Would you pease allow wikiquotiens to see your contributions on this wiki by simply clicking '''Supercount''' at the bottom of your contributions page? Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 14:19, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::: What is public and plain is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange my contribution history]. (I can see yours and everybody else's that way.) I am not sure what privacy rights I'd be giving away by opting into making my edit counts public, so I don't plan to do that unless for some very good reason. I made very few edits to Wikiquote until this year, so it shouldn't be hard for people to analyze.  [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:16, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]]The analysis of your edits through  Xtools on enwp is available for anyone to see. Are you saying that you trust enwp more than you trust enwq? if so, who is it that you trust less on wikiquote:
::::* Readers
::::* Users
::::* Admins
::::* Visitors from other wmf-projects such as Stewards, Global sysops, swmt members, renamers, etc.
::::* anyone else
::::Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 10:50, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

{{outdent}} I am here to help build WikiQuote, not for drama and personal interactions. I am not interested in continuing this discussion, or any other that doesn't directly bear on WikiQuote. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:06, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], so am I. I  posted my question above because I believe it is very relevant to the health of Wikiquote. [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 12:49, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:: I disagree, and I have no intention of 1) changing my settings or 2) replying to your dramatic speculation about what my motivations might be. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:37, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

== Merge ip edits to user account ==

I have been editing under the ip range of [[Special:Contributions/2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64|2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64]], I would like this to be merged to the user account [[User:ilovemydoodle|ilovemydoodle]], Is this possible and if so, can it be done?
{{Collapse bottom}}

== &quot;LibraryClerk&quot; editing from IP ==

This IP is clearly a new sock of &quot;LibraryClerk&quot;: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/24.42.166.244

Could some admin please block this new sock that is evading LibraryClerk's block? Otherwise Wikiquote will continue to get edits such as [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Corruption&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3118813 this major POV push]. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 07:33, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* I don't see that this account is registered on any project. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:35, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
** {{re|GreenMeansGo}} I should have given the full name,  [[Special:Contributions/Libraryclerk0191]]. I don't have a link to the  sockpuppet investigation but the aftermath was discussed [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/037#Comparison_of_privacy_protection_between_Wikiquote_(WQ)_and_the_English_Wikipedia_(ENWP) here]. Apparently {{u|Vermont}} did a checkuser, because it looked as if LC191 was continuing to edit from other usernames.  Then {{u|Ferien}} blocked LC191's sock accounts identified from the sock check, IIUC. Please somebody block this IP who is CLEARLY the same person, from creating new clean-up problems. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:37, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 11:31, 31 May 2022 (UTC)

== Account deletion ==

I have decided to not delete my account, I would like my User Page undeleted, I will be un-redacting comments. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) {{Ds|{DELETION IN PROGRESS}}} 04:39, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:29, 1 June 2022 (UTC)

== Redirect request ==

Can someone please make [[☭]] redirect to [[communism]]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 09:14, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
: A redirect from what? ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:56, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|UDScott}} From [[☭]] to [[Communism]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:58, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::Ah, I see. However, this symbol is on the list of disallowed page titles. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:00, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} That’s why I’m asking for an admin to do it, it exists on Wikipedia. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 13:01, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Sockpuppet investigation ==

I think [[Special:contribs/221.120.208.175|221.120.208.175]] might be a Sockpuppet of [[User:GHOSTWORKER|GHOSTWORKER]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 05:03, 4 June 2022 (UTC)

{{Ds|No I donot Know him 221.120.208.175}}

: ??? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 02:41, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Link hijacking ==

Admins, do you check links for hijacking? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:49, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

:E.g.? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)
::Like sending a link to malware or some kind of unauthorized Administrator/Bureaucrat action disguised as something else. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:58, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

&lt;s&gt;Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Ilovemydoodle&amp;oldid=3111786 this]?&lt;/s&gt; Edit: Done. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 14:01, 7 June 2022 (UTC)

== LTA horror decade sock strikes again ==

IP user 2600:387:15:630:0:0:0:8 is a LTA talk page vandal sock. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 01:49, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 01:56, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (2) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3115216&amp;diffmode=source this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:38, 10 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:10, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thanks. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:25, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (3) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Will_Smith&amp;oldid=3110155 this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:04, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} Revdel should be reserved for particularly egregious material (doxxing, linking to spam, personal insults) and this edit is not that. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:15, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Edit filter ==

{{ping|koavf}} Could you add &quot;VVKLOSER&quot; to the Edit Filter? (it's commonly used by GRP) – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:51, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} {{u|Ferien}} Do you want to do this? You have a filter for this abuser and I think you could incorporate it into that one. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:18, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{u|Koavf}}, yep, I'll take a look at that now, probably not too difficult to do. The filter itself is mainly a copy of simplewiki's as his behaviour is almost identical here. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:24, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:28, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::::Well it doesn’t seem to be working: VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:43, 16 June 2022 (UTC)

== Page protection may be needed ==
[[Bubble Guppies]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes, page protection may be needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 19:32, 14 June 2022 (UTC)
:Also the same keeps happening with [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]]. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 00:43, 15 June 2022 (UTC)
::Also with [[Yo Gabba Gabba]]‎ and to a lesser extent [[T.U.F.F. Puppy]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 00:56, 15 June 2022 (UTC)

== Requested move ==

Can an admin move [[Zork Grand Inquisitor]] to [[Zork: Grand Inquisitor]], over the current redirect? Cheers, [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 17:16, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 00:47, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 05:41, 17 June 2022 (UTC)

== Protected move request ==

Could the pages [[Template:Test4]] and [[Template:Test4im]] be swapped? They seem to be the reverse of what they should be (also to be consistent with Wikipedia). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 03:02, 21 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

Could someone revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User:SHUMBH&amp;oldid=3133965 this] edit summary? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:12, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:11, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

== Archive.is ==

Can we add archive.is to the abuse filter? Or whatever domain they're using now. It is commonly abused by GRP and I see no real use of it. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:45, 1 July 2022 (UTC)

== Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! ==
The page [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes. I think page protection is needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:22, 5 July 2022 (UTC)
:Already done - my first step was to protect it from IP edits...if it continues, will take further steps. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:23, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

::Ok, thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:32, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

== Request for Importer ==

&lt;span style=&quot;position: absolute; visibility: hidden;&quot;&gt;@[[User:Aphaia]] @[[User:BD2412]] @[[User:DannyS712]] @[[User:Ferien]] @[[User:GreenMeansGo]] @[[User:Illegitimate Barrister]] @[[User:Jusjih]] @[[User:Kalki]] @[[User:Koavf]] @[[User:Mdd]] @[[User:Miszatomic]] @[[User:Ningauble]] @[[User:Pmlineditor]] @[[User:UDScott]]
&lt;!-- All users after this line are not admins, just want to be pinged. You, yourself, can be added here, too, just add yourself below this line. --&gt;
@[[User:Ilovemydoodle]]&lt;/span&gt;@$[[Special:ListUsers/sysop|AllAdministrators]]: (pinging because the admins don’t seem to check this page often)

I regularly need to import pages from Wikipedia and other wikis, so I am requesting the &lt;code&gt;import&lt;/code&gt; right to make this process much easier, provide better attribution, and to allow the reversal, modification, and viewing of pre-import revisions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 20:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

:As pointed out on my talk, a bureaucrat will need to actually do this. Have you done importing before? Are you willing to do the cleanup necessary (e.g. when there are redlinks)? Can you give an idea of what you'd want to import, as the content pages from Wikipedia will not always be relevant here (tho some of them would be, as there are articles tagged with quotation sections that should be imported)? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:30, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|koavf}} Yes, I have imported hundreds of templates (properly). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:32, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::I cannot recall any other requests for this right in the past - and it appears that this can actually only be done by a steward. Per the [[w:Wikipedia:User_access_levels#Importers_and_transwiki_importers|relevant page on WP]], &quot;This access is highly restricted and is only available for assignment to a limited number of very trusted users by stewards following a special community approval discussion.&quot; I don't think that you wishing to have it to make some tasks easier qualifies. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} I am very confused. The option is available already to admins, so why do I need to be more trusted to get a lower-level user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:39, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::I just quoted what I read on the subject (as I had to look into it, having never received such a request before) - take it up with a steward if you have an issue, as it does not appear I could grant it to you even if I wanted to. As to your question - admins already go through a special community approval process in order to become admins. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:45, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::{{ping|UDScott}} So, admins can be appointed by bureaucrats, but importers have to be appointed by stewards. If so, then why do you have to go through a far-more thorough appointing process to get a lesser user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:48, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::::I don't see that it is any more thorough than that for admins. In both cases, a community discussion is required, it's just different roles that actually grant the permission after said discussion. I'm also not really inclined to say that importing is really a lesser user right - it could certainly be abused in the wrong hands. I am not saying you would abuse it, but I can see why it is not so easily granted. I do still have some reluctance to grant you additional rights anyway, as I still do not understand all that you are trying to do here, and I still maintain that much of your template work is redundant and wasted and steamrolls existing templates already in use. You demonstrate an impatience that in my mind is not compatible with someone with advanced user rights on the site. By the way, you're asking these questions to me as if I was the author of the cited policies - I am not. And I have no idea why any of this was set up this way (other than to be judicious in granting such rights, as I mentioned already). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:04, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::::{{ping|UDScott}} Well, my point is not that is or is not a &quot;lesser right&quot;, but that it is not a greater right. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:16, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

== Report concerning Achim110 ==

{{U|Achim110}} is making some weird edits. On [[Wikidata]], {{GENDER:Achim110|he|she|they}} [[Special:Diff/3125691/3141310|replaced the Wikidata logo with a (nonexistent) Wikinews logo]], with several other nonsensical logo edits in between. Some of their other page creations seem to be random copy+pasted “administrative” wikitext; at [[Keir Graff]], they’ve created a purported block review by [[User:Keir Graff]] (whose user page Achim also created, and who also isn’t blocked on English Wikiquote as far as I can tell). Can someone check what’s going on? [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 14:29, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
: This user has been permanently blocked, and a mass deletion of all pages created by the account performed. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:08, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

== Edit war ==

There has been an ongoing edit war on [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]] on whether &quot;Shadow&quot;'s eyes are orange or red. Can this be sorted out? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:05, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done|Solved}} '''&lt;sup&gt;(Hopefully)&lt;/sup&gt;''' by [[User:Koavf|Koavf]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 07:14, 14 July 2022 (UTC)

== Crosswiki spammer ==

On the [[:Education in India]] page, please hide the two edits immediately prior to my edit. They contain a spam link being pushed across numerous wikis. Cheers. ['''[[:User:Cromium|&lt;sub&gt;24&lt;/sub&gt;Cr]]''']['''[[:User talk:Cromium|talk]]'''] 12:40, 15 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

== Finish a deletion nomination ==

Hello, please could someone add [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Formatting]] to the log page for me? I can't do it as an IP because the page has been protected. Thank you! [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 00:21, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:26, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Thanks a bunch, much appreciated.
::If you get a minute could you also add:
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:N]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:This]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Vote removed]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Strikethrough templates]]
::to the same page? [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} as well. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:24, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::::Could you please also list these four discussions?:
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:LTADatabase]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:REDACTED]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Always substitute]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:T]]
::::Thank you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:12, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Forgot to ping you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:16, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:56, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

== Broken links in contributions page ==

also, while I'm here, the SUL info link in [[MediaWiki:Sp-contributions-footer]] leads to a deleted tool, and the &quot;supercount&quot; tool has been renamed to xtools and moved to a different domain. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 01:03, 19 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] Sorry, you seem to have gotten that back to front. The link you removed still works, but it now redirects you to a different site because it was replaced by a new tool. The one that is broken without replacement is the &quot;SUL info&quot; link. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 10:25, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
:::done}} Whoopsie daisy. Thanks.{ —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

== [[User: Eaglestorm]] again ==

This user with a history of being disruptive (just see their [[User talk:Eaglestorm]]) and a permanent block from English WP was recently globally unblocked on a technicality and is back to their [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm typical antics] of ruthlessly “enforcing” the non-policy, unofficial guideline of [[WQ:LOQ]] via edit warring and being hostile and stubborn when asked to negotiate a solution. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:29, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
:here we go. did you even read the stewards report? I'm up to &quot;typical antics&quot; ... YOU'RE PLAIN OBSESSED with taking me down. What nonpolicy are you talking about? The one that's been effective with copyvio for the last 14 years?  --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:33, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
::Yes, you still are being a net negative here. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:35, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>svx67u5h9zbsjmaz6fxkcdu0ndwoe06</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146199</id>
      <parentid>3146198</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:38:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* User: Eaglestorm again */ Reply</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="28769" xml:space="preserve">{{/Header}}
{{User:MABot/config
|archive = Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/%(counter)03d
|algo = old(15d)
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== Madman in Bulldozer on Aisle Five ==

[[File:Bauhaus Marionette Nachbau Der-Bucklige-Frontal.jpg|thumb|the bulldozer operator?]]
:For anyone interested, it should be noted that &quot;HouseofChange&quot; is wildly pushing his (or a puppetmaster's?) POV. All the quotes bulldozed wrecklessly in bulk carte blanche, over the past couple of months  were ALL approved by the regular Admins here months ago. They made zero objections to the material and are  known to scrutinize everything posted here without delay. Suddenly a very loudmouthed newcomer arrived on the set, has over-ruled the judgement of the other admins, and is very heroically, loudly,  rescuing the entire project  from the diabolical work of a villain who slipped hundreds of quotations &amp; new pages into the system while the all guards were sound asleep? Really??!!  What a mystery.  Maybe the bulldozer operator and a few others, are working for corrupt elements of the U.S. Government, knuckleheads who hate the truth &amp; love censorhip, coverups and their skills in the art of deception [[Information Warfare Community|&quot;information dominance&quot;]]???? What happened?  Does wikipedia give refunds to extremely disappointed donors??  May fearful people quit being afraid. May everyone feel the peace that passes understanding.  May God help us all!
* It would probably be more helpful if you just dryly told us what the problem was instead of trying to be so supremely colorful. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 18:43, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

: He seems pretty neutral to me. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]]) 02:05, 10 May 2022 (UTC)

: (EC) Nobody has called the sockmaster &quot;diabolical&quot; or a &quot;villain.&quot;  I am new here but I have been [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange&amp;dir=prev&amp;target=HouseOfChange active at Wikipedia since 2014]. My edit history is clear and public. And unfortunately for the sockmaster, their combined edit history is also clear and public, although they tried to hide it by caping their views behind multiethnic identities. So LibraryClerk was the same person as GaneshaSis who was the same person as WASPy-sounding WillSeymoreIII. Military-sounding AlphaBravo2022 was the same person as triply-ethnic Alicia-abdula-mcdonald  (she was for a while giving edit summaries in French.) That's deception. And once LibraryClerk got banned but kept right on posting using other accounts, that's abusive sockpuppetry that gets editors blocked, per longtime policy. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:07, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], you say that your &quot; edit history is clear and public&quot;. but when I try to use Xtools to look at your contribution history I see &lt;blockquote&gt;This user has not opted in to have this data shown. Please either login to XTools as this user, or create User:HouseOfChange/EditCounterOptIn.js with any content. See the documentation for more information.&lt;/blockquote&gt; Would you pease allow wikiquotiens to see your contributions on this wiki by simply clicking '''Supercount''' at the bottom of your contributions page? Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 14:19, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::: What is public and plain is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/HouseOfChange my contribution history]. (I can see yours and everybody else's that way.) I am not sure what privacy rights I'd be giving away by opting into making my edit counts public, so I don't plan to do that unless for some very good reason. I made very few edits to Wikiquote until this year, so it shouldn't be hard for people to analyze.  [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:16, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]]The analysis of your edits through  Xtools on enwp is available for anyone to see. Are you saying that you trust enwp more than you trust enwq? if so, who is it that you trust less on wikiquote:
::::* Readers
::::* Users
::::* Admins
::::* Visitors from other wmf-projects such as Stewards, Global sysops, swmt members, renamers, etc.
::::* anyone else
::::Thanks in advance, [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 10:50, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

{{outdent}} I am here to help build WikiQuote, not for drama and personal interactions. I am not interested in continuing this discussion, or any other that doesn't directly bear on WikiQuote. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:06, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:@[[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]], so am I. I  posted my question above because I believe it is very relevant to the health of Wikiquote. [[User:Ottawahitech|Ottawahitech]] ([[User talk:Ottawahitech|talk]]) 12:49, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

:: I disagree, and I have no intention of 1) changing my settings or 2) replying to your dramatic speculation about what my motivations might be. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:37, 25 May 2022 (UTC)

== Merge ip edits to user account ==

I have been editing under the ip range of [[Special:Contributions/2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64|2603:7080:da3c:7a33::/64]], I would like this to be merged to the user account [[User:ilovemydoodle|ilovemydoodle]], Is this possible and if so, can it be done?
{{Collapse bottom}}

== &quot;LibraryClerk&quot; editing from IP ==

This IP is clearly a new sock of &quot;LibraryClerk&quot;: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/24.42.166.244

Could some admin please block this new sock that is evading LibraryClerk's block? Otherwise Wikiquote will continue to get edits such as [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Corruption&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3118813 this major POV push]. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 07:33, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* I don't see that this account is registered on any project. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:35, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
** {{re|GreenMeansGo}} I should have given the full name,  [[Special:Contributions/Libraryclerk0191]]. I don't have a link to the  sockpuppet investigation but the aftermath was discussed [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/037#Comparison_of_privacy_protection_between_Wikiquote_(WQ)_and_the_English_Wikipedia_(ENWP) here]. Apparently {{u|Vermont}} did a checkuser, because it looked as if LC191 was continuing to edit from other usernames.  Then {{u|Ferien}} blocked LC191's sock accounts identified from the sock check, IIUC. Please somebody block this IP who is CLEARLY the same person, from creating new clean-up problems. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:37, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 11:31, 31 May 2022 (UTC)

== Account deletion ==

I have decided to not delete my account, I would like my User Page undeleted, I will be un-redacting comments. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) {{Ds|{DELETION IN PROGRESS}}} 04:39, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 10:29, 1 June 2022 (UTC)

== Redirect request ==

Can someone please make [[☭]] redirect to [[communism]]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] | [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 09:14, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
: A redirect from what? ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:56, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|UDScott}} From [[☭]] to [[Communism]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:58, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::Ah, I see. However, this symbol is on the list of disallowed page titles. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:00, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} That’s why I’m asking for an admin to do it, it exists on Wikipedia. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 13:01, 3 June 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Sockpuppet investigation ==

I think [[Special:contribs/221.120.208.175|221.120.208.175]] might be a Sockpuppet of [[User:GHOSTWORKER|GHOSTWORKER]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 05:03, 4 June 2022 (UTC)

{{Ds|No I donot Know him 221.120.208.175}}

: ??? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 02:41, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Link hijacking ==

Admins, do you check links for hijacking? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:49, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

:E.g.? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 5 June 2022 (UTC)
::Like sending a link to malware or some kind of unauthorized Administrator/Bureaucrat action disguised as something else. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:58, 5 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

&lt;s&gt;Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Ilovemydoodle&amp;oldid=3111786 this]?&lt;/s&gt; Edit: Done. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 14:01, 7 June 2022 (UTC)

== LTA horror decade sock strikes again ==

IP user 2600:387:15:630:0:0:0:8 is a LTA talk page vandal sock. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 01:49, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 01:56, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (2) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3115216&amp;diffmode=source this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:38, 10 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:10, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thanks. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 04:25, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request (3) ==

Could someone please revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Will_Smith&amp;oldid=3110155 this]? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:04, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} Revdel should be reserved for particularly egregious material (doxxing, linking to spam, personal insults) and this edit is not that. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:15, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

== Edit filter ==

{{ping|koavf}} Could you add &quot;VVKLOSER&quot; to the Edit Filter? (it's commonly used by GRP) – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 06:51, 11 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{not done}} {{u|Ferien}} Do you want to do this? You have a filter for this abuser and I think you could incorporate it into that one. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:18, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::{{u|Koavf}}, yep, I'll take a look at that now, probably not too difficult to do. The filter itself is mainly a copy of simplewiki's as his behaviour is almost identical here. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:24, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 19:28, 11 June 2022 (UTC)
::::Well it doesn’t seem to be working: VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER VVKLOSER. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:43, 16 June 2022 (UTC)

== Page protection may be needed ==
[[Bubble Guppies]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes, page protection may be needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 19:32, 14 June 2022 (UTC)
:Also the same keeps happening with [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]]. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 00:43, 15 June 2022 (UTC)
::Also with [[Yo Gabba Gabba]]‎ and to a lesser extent [[T.U.F.F. Puppy]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not WMF, Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus, Not a paid editor of Shueisha) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 00:56, 15 June 2022 (UTC)

== Requested move ==

Can an admin move [[Zork Grand Inquisitor]] to [[Zork: Grand Inquisitor]], over the current redirect? Cheers, [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 17:16, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 00:47, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
::Thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 05:41, 17 June 2022 (UTC)

== Protected move request ==

Could the pages [[Template:Test4]] and [[Template:Test4im]] be swapped? They seem to be the reverse of what they should be (also to be consistent with Wikipedia). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 03:02, 21 June 2022 (UTC)

== Revdel request ==

Could someone revdel [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User:SHUMBH&amp;oldid=3133965 this] edit summary? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 12:12, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:11, 25 June 2022 (UTC)

== Archive.is ==

Can we add archive.is to the abuse filter? Or whatever domain they're using now. It is commonly abused by GRP and I see no real use of it. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet of Antandrus) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:45, 1 July 2022 (UTC)

== Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! ==
The page [[Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!]] is being repeatedly recreated with no quotes. I think page protection is needed. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:22, 5 July 2022 (UTC)
:Already done - my first step was to protect it from IP edits...if it continues, will take further steps. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:23, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

::Ok, thank you {{u|UDScott}}. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 16:32, 5 July 2022 (UTC)

== Request for Importer ==

&lt;span style=&quot;position: absolute; visibility: hidden;&quot;&gt;@[[User:Aphaia]] @[[User:BD2412]] @[[User:DannyS712]] @[[User:Ferien]] @[[User:GreenMeansGo]] @[[User:Illegitimate Barrister]] @[[User:Jusjih]] @[[User:Kalki]] @[[User:Koavf]] @[[User:Mdd]] @[[User:Miszatomic]] @[[User:Ningauble]] @[[User:Pmlineditor]] @[[User:UDScott]]
&lt;!-- All users after this line are not admins, just want to be pinged. You, yourself, can be added here, too, just add yourself below this line. --&gt;
@[[User:Ilovemydoodle]]&lt;/span&gt;@$[[Special:ListUsers/sysop|AllAdministrators]]: (pinging because the admins don’t seem to check this page often)

I regularly need to import pages from Wikipedia and other wikis, so I am requesting the &lt;code&gt;import&lt;/code&gt; right to make this process much easier, provide better attribution, and to allow the reversal, modification, and viewing of pre-import revisions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 20:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

:As pointed out on my talk, a bureaucrat will need to actually do this. Have you done importing before? Are you willing to do the cleanup necessary (e.g. when there are redlinks)? Can you give an idea of what you'd want to import, as the content pages from Wikipedia will not always be relevant here (tho some of them would be, as there are articles tagged with quotation sections that should be imported)? —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:30, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::{{ping|koavf}} Yes, I have imported hundreds of templates (properly). – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:32, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::I cannot recall any other requests for this right in the past - and it appears that this can actually only be done by a steward. Per the [[w:Wikipedia:User_access_levels#Importers_and_transwiki_importers|relevant page on WP]], &quot;This access is highly restricted and is only available for assignment to a limited number of very trusted users by stewards following a special community approval discussion.&quot; I don't think that you wishing to have it to make some tasks easier qualifies. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:37, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|UDScott}} I am very confused. The option is available already to admins, so why do I need to be more trusted to get a lower-level user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:39, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::I just quoted what I read on the subject (as I had to look into it, having never received such a request before) - take it up with a steward if you have an issue, as it does not appear I could grant it to you even if I wanted to. As to your question - admins already go through a special community approval process in order to become admins. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 22:45, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::{{ping|UDScott}} So, admins can be appointed by bureaucrats, but importers have to be appointed by stewards. If so, then why do you have to go through a far-more thorough appointing process to get a lesser user right? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:48, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::::I don't see that it is any more thorough than that for admins. In both cases, a community discussion is required, it's just different roles that actually grant the permission after said discussion. I'm also not really inclined to say that importing is really a lesser user right - it could certainly be abused in the wrong hands. I am not saying you would abuse it, but I can see why it is not so easily granted. I do still have some reluctance to grant you additional rights anyway, as I still do not understand all that you are trying to do here, and I still maintain that much of your template work is redundant and wasted and steamrolls existing templates already in use. You demonstrate an impatience that in my mind is not compatible with someone with advanced user rights on the site. By the way, you're asking these questions to me as if I was the author of the cited policies - I am not. And I have no idea why any of this was set up this way (other than to be judicious in granting such rights, as I mentioned already). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:04, 11 July 2022 (UTC)
::::::::{{ping|UDScott}} Well, my point is not that is or is not a &quot;lesser right&quot;, but that it is not a greater right. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 23:16, 11 July 2022 (UTC)

== Report concerning Achim110 ==

{{U|Achim110}} is making some weird edits. On [[Wikidata]], {{GENDER:Achim110|he|she|they}} [[Special:Diff/3125691/3141310|replaced the Wikidata logo with a (nonexistent) Wikinews logo]], with several other nonsensical logo edits in between. Some of their other page creations seem to be random copy+pasted “administrative” wikitext; at [[Keir Graff]], they’ve created a purported block review by [[User:Keir Graff]] (whose user page Achim also created, and who also isn’t blocked on English Wikiquote as far as I can tell). Can someone check what’s going on? [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 14:29, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
: This user has been permanently blocked, and a mass deletion of all pages created by the account performed. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:08, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

== Edit war ==

There has been an ongoing edit war on [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2]] on whether &quot;Shadow&quot;'s eyes are orange or red. Can this be sorted out? – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:05, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done|Solved}} '''&lt;sup&gt;(Hopefully)&lt;/sup&gt;''' by [[User:Koavf|Koavf]]. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 07:14, 14 July 2022 (UTC)

== Crosswiki spammer ==

On the [[:Education in India]] page, please hide the two edits immediately prior to my edit. They contain a spam link being pushed across numerous wikis. Cheers. ['''[[:User:Cromium|&lt;sub&gt;24&lt;/sub&gt;Cr]]''']['''[[:User talk:Cromium|talk]]'''] 12:40, 15 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

== Finish a deletion nomination ==

Hello, please could someone add [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Formatting]] to the log page for me? I can't do it as an IP because the page has been protected. Thank you! [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 00:21, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:26, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Thanks a bunch, much appreciated.
::If you get a minute could you also add:
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:N]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:This]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Vote removed]]
::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Strikethrough templates]]
::to the same page? [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:40, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{done}} as well. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 20:24, 19 July 2022 (UTC)
::::Could you please also list these four discussions?:
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:LTADatabase]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:REDACTED]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:Always substitute]]
::::*[[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Template:T]]
::::Thank you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:12, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
::::@[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] Forgot to ping you. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:16, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
:::::{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:56, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

== Broken links in contributions page ==

also, while I'm here, the SUL info link in [[MediaWiki:Sp-contributions-footer]] leads to a deleted tool, and the &quot;supercount&quot; tool has been renamed to xtools and moved to a different domain. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 01:03, 19 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{done}} Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
::@[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] Sorry, you seem to have gotten that back to front. The link you removed still works, but it now redirects you to a different site because it was replaced by a new tool. The one that is broken without replacement is the &quot;SUL info&quot; link. [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 10:25, 20 July 2022 (UTC)
:::done}} Whoopsie daisy. Thanks.{ —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:28, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

== [[User: Eaglestorm]] again ==

This user with a history of being disruptive (just see their [[User talk:Eaglestorm]]) and a permanent block from English WP was recently globally unblocked on a technicality and is back to their [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm typical antics] of ruthlessly “enforcing” the non-policy, unofficial guideline of [[WQ:LOQ]] via edit warring and being hostile and stubborn when asked to negotiate a solution. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:29, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
:here we go. did you even read the stewards report? I'm up to &quot;typical antics&quot; ... YOU'RE PLAIN OBSESSED with taking me down. What nonpolicy are you talking about? The one that's been effective with copyvio for the last 14 years?  --[[User:Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) 03:33, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
::Yes, you still are being a net negative here. [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:35, 23 July 2022 (UTC)
::Do you not understand what '''''proposed''''' means here?! [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 03:38, 23 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>9uj0yswtt1j9fyxkufi0ntf1466bjhp</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Stuart Little (film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>117707</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146020</id>
      <parentid>3141492</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T17:35:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2A01:CB11:20:1900:F8BD:547C:4902:A296</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Cast */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="12886" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Stuart Little (film)|Stuart Little]]''''' is a 1999 family film, based on the [[w:Stuart Little|novel of the same name]] by [[E. B. White]]. It combines [[w:live-action|live-action]] and [[w:computer animation|computer animation]]. It was directed by [[w:Rob Minkoff|Rob Minkoff]] and written by [[w:M. Night Shyamalan|M. Night Shyamalan]] and [[w:Greg Brooker|Greg Brooker]].

[[w:Michael J. Fox|Michael J. Fox]] is the voice of [[w:Stuart Little|Stuart Little]]. [[w:Geena Davis|Geena Davis]] and [[Hugh Laurie]] star as Eleanor and Frederick Little, with [[w:Jonathan Lipnicki|Jonathan Lipnicki]] as Stuart's big brother [[w:George Little|George Little]] and [[Nathan Lane]] as the voice of the family cat Snowbell.

The film was released on December 24, 1999.

==Dialogue==

:''[Snowbell tries to eat Stuart]''
:'''Eleanor''': ''[to Snowbell]'' Whoa! Snowbell! Drop him right now!
:'''Frederick''':  ''[to Snowbell]'' You spit Stuart out this instant, Snowbell! Spit him right out!
:''[Snowbell spits out Stuart]''
:'''Eleanor''': ''[to Stuart]'' Stuart? Are you alright?
:'''Stuart''': Wait! ''[Mr. Frederick Little picks up Snowbell, as Stuart checks his tail, which is in one piece, and sighs in relief.]'' I'm fine.
:'''Frederick''': ''[sternly to Snowbell]'' You must ''never'' harm Stuart. Do you understand?
:'''Eleanor''': ''Never,'' or out you'll go, Mr. Snow!
:'''Frederick''': Stuart is one of the family now. We do not eat family members.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': ''[to Snowbell]'' Can I scratch your ears? I could rub your tummy. 
:'''Snowbell''': ''[threateningly]'' How'd you like to rub it from the inside, mouse boy?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mrs. Keeper''': Mr. and Mrs. Little, we try to discourage couples from adopting outside of their own... species. It rarely works out.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': Snow, where are you going?
:'''Snowbell''': Oh. I got to stare at traffic, yawn, lick myself. And believe me, that could take hours if you do it right. ''Ciao''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eleanor''': Is he going to be alright?
:'''Dr. Beechwood''': Well, a lad that size swallowing all that (laundry) detergent. Amazingly, I think he's going to be fine. Also, he's ''very'' clean.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''George''': Are you all nuts? Bicycles and bowling balls? How's he gonna toss a baseball? How's he gonna be able to do any of those things? He's not my brother. He's a mouse.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''George''': Maybe we should go home.
:'''Frederick''': Why?
:'''George''': I'm not wearing my lucky underwear.
:'''Frederick''': You don't have lucky underwear.
:'''George''': Well, maybe we should get some and come back for another race.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Monty''': Aren't you gonna run?
:'''Stuart''': Why?
:'''Monty''': Because you're a mouse.
:'''Stuart''': I'm not just a mouse. I'm a member of this family.
:''[Snowbell groans]''
:'''Monty''': ''[confused]'' A mouse with a pet cat? ''[after a pause, he rolls over and roars with laughter]'' '''''A MOUSE WITH A PET CAT!''''' ''[continues laughing]''
:'''Stuart''': I guess that is...pretty funny.
:'''Monty''': Pretty funny?! I'm gonna wet my fur! '''''A MOUSE WITH A PET CAT!''''' ''[laughs hard more, and Stuart laughed along with him. He looks down at Snowbell, who is embarrassed]'' Your new little master! ''[laughs]'' Wait until the boys hear all about this!
:'''Snowbell''': ''[embarrassed]'' Ohh! The humiliation. ''[to Stuart, angrily]'' '''''I'M GONNA KILL YOU!'''''
:'''Stuart''': ''[alarmed]'' Oh, dear!
:'''Snowbell''': Come back here! ''[after a few chases, and ending up in the garbage can]'' Alright, no more Mr. Nice Kitty. You!
:'''Stuart''': Aaah! ''[runs off into George's basement]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After it is revealed that the Stouts lied about being Stuart's real parents]''
:'''Snowbell''': They know about the Stouts! They know about the Stouts! The jig is up! What are we gonna do?!
:'''Monty''': Hey, get ahold of yourself. What are you talking about?
:'''Snowbell''': This is very-- I'm in big--! I'm in DEEP POOPY-DOO!
:'''Monty''': Calm down, calm down. Don't get your fur in a bunch. All we need is a new plan.
:'''Smokey''': We do what we should've done in the first place; We scratch him out.
:'''Monty''': Scratch him out?
:'''Snowbell''': But Smokey, the police are involved! I don't wanna get kicked out of my house! I'm not a street cat, I'm a house cat! I don't wanna lose my furry basket or my tinkle-ball that I push across the floor with my nose!
:'''Monty''': Snow, buddy, pull yourself together.
:'''Smokey''': It's settled. Stuart Little get scratched tonight.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[At the golf course house, Reginald wakes Stuart up]''
:'''Reginald''': Stuart, wake up.
:'''Stuart''': Huh?
:'''Reginald''': Get dressed.
:'''Stuart''': Why?
:'''Reginald''': Uh, we're taking you for a ride.
:'''Stuart''': Where we're going?
:'''Reginald''': Some friends of ours have gathered just to meet you.
:'''Stuart''': A gathering? What should I wear?
:'''Reginald''': It doesn’t matter. Wear anything.
:'''Stuart''': Is it formal?
:'''Reginald''': Just put something on!
:''[Camille starts crying]''
:'''Stuart''': Why's Mom crying? Mom? I'm not angry at you for putting me up for adoption. :''[Camille still cries]'' And now that I'm a Stout again, I'll always be here to take care of you. Because that's what families do. Mom, they, they take care of each other.
:''[Camille finishes crying as she passes Reginald, who's holding her purse. She snatches the purse from her husband's hands, then smacks it on his side.]''
:'''Reginald''': Ow!
:'''Camille''': ''[shouts]'' '''TELL HIM THE ''TRUTH!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lucky''': Bad news! The Stouts squealed.
:'''Smokey''': I ''knew'' those mice were rats. 
:'''Lucky''': The kid's on his way home. What do we do?
:'''Smokey''': No problem. He's gotta go through the park, right? Let's meet him there and have ourselves a little &quot;picnic&quot;.
:'''Lucky''': ''[starts to leave]'' Great! I'll bring herring!
:'''Smokey''': Hey, hey, moron! The mouse ''is'' the picnic!
:'''Lucky''': Oh...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Smokey meets Stuart in Central Park]''
:'''Smokey''': Howya doin'? You must be Stuart. 
:'''Stuart''': Actually, I must be going. ''[gets into his car]''
:'''Lucky''': What's your hurry, Murray? 
:'''Red''': Yeah, where ya goin', Murray-- uh, Stuart? What's his name? 
''[Stuart speeds off]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Snowbell''': Didn't your mothers warn you not to go into Central Park at night?
:'''Smokey''': My mother was the ''reason'' you didn't go into Central Park at night!
:'''Red''': Yeah, you tell 'em, Smokey!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell sits Stuart down on a branch]''
:'''Stuart''': Snowbell, you saved me?
:'''Snowbell''': Yeah, yeah. Look, let's get one thing straight. I'm doing this for the Littles. They love you. George loves you. They're all miserable without you.
:'''Stuart''': But, Snowbell, you said--
:'''Snowbell''': I know what I said, I... I lied, okay? Welcome to Manhattan. I'm the one that hates you.
:'''Stuart''': Oh, Snowbell. You do care! ''[hugs his front leg]''
:'''Snowbell''': Ugh. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, that's enough.
:'''Monty''': ''[arriving with the other cats]'' Snow, what's he doin' to your leg? I can't help but think this is wrong.
:'''Smokey''': What the hell's goin' on here? 
:'''Snowbell''': Uh, look, Smokey, uh, call me fickle, but... I want to call this whole thing off, okay? 
:'''Smokey''': Too late.
:'''Snowbell''': Come on, Smokey, can't we talk it over? See, Stuart's not so bad once you get to know him, and he's got his own car. 
:'''Smokey''': Careful, house cat. You're askin' for it. 
:'''Monty''': Snow, what are you doin'? Come on, he's just a mouse.
:'''Snowbell''': He's not ''just'' a mouse. He's-- He's-- He's family.
:'''Smokey''': Oh, yeah! ''[laughing hysterically]'' I could see the resemblance! ''[he and the other cats laugh hysterically]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[angrily]'' Is ''that'' what you think? You have to look alike to be family? ''[the cats abruptly stop laughing]'' You don't have to look alike. You don't even have to like each other. Look at Snowbell: he hates me. And still, he's tryin' to save me. Sure, you'll probably scratch him up pretty bad, you'd tear him to shreds; you may even kill him... ''[Snowbell gulps]'' ...but Snowbell will ''not'' run away, and ''that'' is what family is all about. Right...Snow?
:'''Snowbell''': ''[chuckles nervously]'' Maybe &quot;family&quot;'s too strong a word.
:'''Smokey''': Scratch 'em both!
:'''Snowbell''': Both?!
:''[Stuart unbuckles Snowbell's collar]''
:'''Stuart''': Hey, it's me you want. Come and get me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Snowbell''': Well, what have we got here?
:'''Monty''': Snow, don't come out here! The branch is breaking!
:'''Snowbell''': Stuart! Are you all right? 
:'''Stuart''': Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.
:'''Snowbell''': Just hang on! I'll take it from here!
:'''Monty''': Huh? Take what?
:''[Snowbell breaks away the tree branches]''
:'''Monty''': Whoa! Hey, come on, Snow. You wouldn't do this to me. Not your old buddy.
:'''Snowbell''': Don't worry, buddy! I'm sure your land on your....
:'''Monty''': What are you doing? Wait! I gotta ask you something!
:'''Snowbell''': '''...FEET!!''' ''[lets go of the tree branch, Monty, Red and Lucky falling into the river]''
:'''Both''': ''[falling]'' '''''AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!'''''
:''[Monty, Lucky and Red falls in water, and gets out of water]''
:'''Lucky''': Cold! Cold! Cold water! I can't swim. Dog paddle!
:'''Red''': Dog paddle? I'd rather drown! And I had my fur just the way I like it.
:'''Lucky''': I'll be licking myself for days!
:'''Monty''': How could he do this to me, after all we've meant to each other? I mean, I love that guy! Hey, you guys! Wait up for me!
:'''Snowbell''': ''[laughing]'' Pack up the pineapple, Stuart! This luau's over!
:'''Stuart''': Thanks, Snowbell. You were great.
:'''Snowbell''': Well, it must've been quite a show from up there. 
:''[Suddenly, Smokey comes up behind Snowbell]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[clears throat]'' Snowbell. 
:'''Snowbell''': Those cats think they're so tough.
:'''Stuart''': Snowbell. 
:'''Snowbell''': I guess I showed them. Not bad for a house cat!
:'''Smokey''': Not bad for a dead house cat!
:''[Snowbell gasps, Stuart climbing to the tree.]''
:'''Smokey''': Say good night...Tinkerbell.
:''[Snowbell gulps]''
:'''Stuart''': Hey, Smokey! His name is Snowbell! ''[lets go of the tree branch he is holding onto; it flies up and hits Smokey in the face, knocking him off his own branch and sending him falling into the river]''
:'''Smokey''': ''[falling]'' '''''AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!'''''
:''[Smokey falls into the water and gets out of the water.]''
:'''Smokey''': This water's damn cold! I can't believe this! ''[shivering]'' Beating by the mouse and his pet cat! What can be worse?! ''[Suddenly, dogs barking heard in distance and chasing Smokey]'' '''NICE DOGGIES!! NO!''' '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!'''''
:'''Stuart''': Little high, Little low.
:'''Snowbell''': Little hey, Little ho. Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Stuart rides Snowbell home]''
:'''Stuart''': You know, Snow, I don't know how to thank you. 
:'''Snowbell''': How about not kicking me in the sides? I'm beginning to bruise.
:'''Stuart''': Sorry. I was getting excited, I've never ridden a cat bareback before. 
:'''Snowbell''': Well, don't get used to it.

==Cast==
* [[w:Michael J. Fox|Michael J. Fox]] as Stuart Little (voice)
* [[w:Geena Davis|Geena Davis]] as Eleanor Little
* [[Hugh Laurie]] as Frederick Little
* [[w:Jonathan Lipnicki|Jonathan Lipnicki]] as George Little
* [[Nathan Lane]] as Snowbell Little (voice)
* [[w:Chazz Palminteri|Chazz Palminteri]] as Smokey (voice)
* [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]] as Monty (voice)
* [[w:Jeffrey Jones|Jeffrey Jones]] as Uncle Crenshaw 
* [[w:Connie Ray|Connie Ray]] as Aunt Tina 
* [[w:Allyce Beasley|Allyce Beasley]] as Aunt Beatrice
* [[w:Brian Doyle-Murray|Brian Doyle-Murray]] as Cousin Edgar 
* [[w:Estelle Getty|Estelle Getty]] as Grandma Estelle
* [[w:Harold Gould|Harold Gould]] as Grandpa Spencer 
* [[w:Julia Sweeney|Julia Sweeney]] as Mrs. Keeper
* [[w:Jon Polito|Jon Polito]] as Detective Sherman
* [[w:Jim Doughan|Jim Doughan]] as Detective Officer Allen / Lucky (voice)
* [[w:David Alan Grier|David Alan Grier]] as Red (voice)
* [[w:Bruno Kirby|Bruno Kirby]] as Reginald Stout (voice)
* [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] as Camille Stout (voice)
* [[w:Stan Freberg|Stan Freberg]] as Race Announcer

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Films based on children's books]]
[[Category:Films about cats]]
[[Category:Films about mice]]
[[Category:Screenplays by M. Night Shyamalan]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rob Minkoff]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Stuart Little 2</title>
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'''''[[w:Stuart Little 2|Stuart Little 2]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] [[w:live action|live action]]/[[w:computer-generated imagery|computer-animated]] [[w:children's film|family]] [[w:comedy film|comedy film]], directed by [[w:Rob Minkoff|Rob Minkoff]] and starring [[w:Geena Davis|Geena Davis]], [[Hugh Laurie]] and [[w:Jonathan Lipnicki|Jonathan Lipnicki]] and the voices of [[w:Michael J. Fox|Michael J. Fox]], [[w:Melanie Griffith|Melanie Griffith]], [[Nathan Lane]], [[James Woods]] and [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]]. The film is a sequel to the 1999 film, ''[[Stuart Little (film)|Stuart Little]]'', and includes characters from the [[w:Stuart Little|children's book]] by [[E. B. White]] such as Margalo the bird.

==Snowbell==
* ''[when asked to clean up Martha's spilled oatmeal]'' Oh, great. It's glop. Look what I'm reduced to. I'm a Handi-Wipe with hair!
* I try to eat right, and yet I still feel bloated. Maybe more food will help.
* ''[trying to keep up with Stuart in his car]'' Hey! [[w:Mario Andretti|Mario Andretti]], slow down! Let's pace ourselves! I'm gonna have a heart attack! I think I'm having a thrombosis! And I don't even know what that means!
* ''[after Stuart's car breaks down]'' This is a sign, Stuart. Like the burning bush... except it's a carburetor and I'm not Moses.
* Giving up is fun! And just think of the time you save! I'm telling ya, Stuart &amp;ndash; if more people gave up, there'd be fewer wars.
* You've got guts, kid! Guts, and... and spunk! Not to mention moxie! You've got guts, spunk, and moxie!
* I'll bet something terrible has happened. Oh, the Littles will ''kill'' me! I know, I'll bring home another mouse in a snazzy outfit, teach him to drive a sports car, and pass him off as Stuart! Oh, who am I kidding?! I have to get up there! But how? ''[cut to Snowbell being elevated upward on a window washing platform, nervously looking down at the street below]'' I hope I live to regret this..
* ''[trying to get the Littles' attention]'' Ho little, hoo wittle, hey wattle...
* Please, don't hurt me! Kill the bird, not me! I'M GONNA BE FALCON POOP!

==Dialogue==
:'''Mrs. Little''': Did you hear that? She said &quot;Blah-blah&quot;! I can't believe it! Her first word! Where's the baby book? I'm writing it down.
:'''Mr. Little''': I'm not sure that's technically, y'know, a word.
:'''Mrs. Little''': Of course it is! But your Uncle Crenshaw says that every Little starts talking by nine months!
:'''Mr. Little''': In Uncle Crenshaw's case, never stops.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': Sure. Just the thing, I'll be right back. Meanwhile, you can use my cat's bed.
:'''Margalo''': You have a cat?!
:'''Stuart''': Oh, don't worry about Snowbell. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
:''[Outside, Snowbell catches a fly and eats it]''
:'''Snowbell''': ''[burps]'' Whoa, those flies really come back on you. ''[goes back into the house]'' Uhh. I try to eat right, and yet, I still feel bloated. Hm. Maybe more food'll help. ''[eats from his food bowl]''
:'''Margalo''': Hi, there. ''[Snowbell screams in alarm]'' Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.
:'''Snowbell''': Scare me? That's a laugh! ''[laughs]'' Hear that? That was a laugh. ''[hisses at Margalo five times, and then starts coughing]'' Hairball: Major hairball! Ugh! And yet, we continue to lick ourselves. Unbelievable.
:'''Stuart''': Hey, Snowbell. Meet Margalo. She's gonna be staying with us for a while.
:'''Snowbell''': Staying?! Are you out of your mind?! Stuart, you can't just drag stray birds in here! What do you think this is, a halfway house? Look at her, she's filthy! No offense. She could have germs. And how do you know she's not a vagrant or a thief? Get rid of her!
:'''Mrs. Little''': ''[from offscreen]'' Hi, we're home! Sorry we're late.
:'''Stuart''': Little high, little low!
:'''Mrs. Little''': Little hey, little ho!
:'''Margalo''': What the heck was that?
:'''Stuart Little''': Oh, that's just how we greet each other.
:'''Margalo''': Interesting.
:'''Snowbell''': Nauseating is more like it. You're in for it now, missy! Mother Little ''hates'' when animals walk in here off the street. When she sees this, she's gonna throw a fit!
:''[Mrs. Little walks in, crouches down, and gently picks up Margalo]''
:'''Mrs. Little''': ''[softly]'' Oh! Such a pretty little birdie!
:'''Snowbell''': ''[walking out of the room]'' Maybe it's just my friends she hates.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Will''': Hi, George. Hi, Stuart.
:'''George''': Hi, Will.
:'''Will''': You want to take a break for a while? I brought my PS2.
:'''George''': Yeah. Okay.
:'''Stuart''': But, what about the plane?
:'''George''': I want to play with Will for a while.
:'''Will''': Play with Snowbell.
:'''Snowbell''': ''[mockingly singing]'' ''♪ One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. ♪'' ''[laughs mockingly]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ha, ha, ha. ''[climbs into the plane's cockpit]'' Oh, well. Guess I'll have to finish it myself. If I can just-- ''[his shirt starts the plane]'' Oh, dear!
:''[George and Will play a soccer video game]''
:'''Will''': Hey, what's that noise?
:'''George''': Sounds like a lawnmower.
:'''Will''': Inside the house?
:'''Both''': ''[alarmed]'' ''Stuart!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Isn't it nice that Stuart has a friend?
:'''Frederick Little:''' Well, I don't think Stuart thinks of her as a friend.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' What do you mean?
:'''Frederick Little:''' I mean, he's smitten. He's infatuated. He's bedazzled.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Stuart?
:'''Frederick Little:''' Mm-hmm.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' But he's a baby!
:'''Frederick Little:''' Well, boys start having crushes really young.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Frederick, did you have many crushes?
:'''Frederick Little:''' ''[smiling]'' I'm still having one.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The falcon lands behind Margalo, stomping his feet loud enough to startle her]''
:'''Falcon''': Remember me?
:'''Margalo''': You scared me.
:'''Falcon''': What can I say? I'm a scary guy. So, Margalo, what's going on here? You case the joint? Any valuables? Come on, thrill me, chill me.
:'''Margalo''': They ain't got much. The mom's got a ring, but it's only two carats. 
:'''Falcon''': Alright, okay, fine. So, what ''else'' have they got? 
:'''Margalo''': ''[nervously]'' Well, you know, not that much. I mean, they mostly just have... each other.
:'''Falcon''': ''[sarcastic]'' Awww. A moment while I ''vomit.''
:'''Margalo''': Why don't we just try somewhere else?
:'''Falcon''': Why? Because you're set up here! They trust you; they like you. ''[smiles slyly]'' Ahh, and maybe, you like them.
:''[Margalo scoffs and tries to fly away, but Falcon follows her]''
:'''Falcon''': Hey, Margalo, come on, huh? ''[chuckles]'' Don't con a conman. 
:'''Margalo''': Well, nobody else ever invited me to live with them.
:'''Falcon''': Oh, really? Who found a pitiful orphaned bird, and plucked her out of the gutter? Who shared his food with her? And, I hasten to add, taught her a trade? Who?
:'''Margalo''': ''[humbly]'' You did.
:'''Falcon''': ''I'' did, right! ''[sternly]'' Well, then, straighten up and fly right. And remember, you are here on business. You're not here to play around! ''[flies away]''
:'''Margalo''': Come on, Falcon. When I'm on a job, I ''never'' play around.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Margalo is taking a bath, but Falcon drops in and scares her]''
:'''Falcon''': Did you really think I wouldn't find out?
:'''Margalo''': What are you talking about?
:'''Falcon''': I'm talking about you, and your little mouse friend. Big mistake. Never make a friend I can eat. Now ''get me that ring,'' or the mouse... is lunch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell is sleeping, and Stuart wakes him up, and asks him to join his search in finding Margalo]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[whispers]'' Snow? Snowbell?
:'''Snowbell''': ''[screaming]'' The good silverware is in the dining room! Take whatever you want, but don't hurt me! 
:'''Stuart''': It's me, Stuart.
:'''Snowbell''': Oh, you. This better be important.
:'''Stuart''': Margalo's still missing.
:'''Snowbell''': I should've been more specific. I meant &quot;important to me&quot;!
:'''Stuart''': I was going to go look for her, and I was hoping that you could come with me. 
:'''Snowbell''': Look, Stuart. Do yourself a favor. Buy a parakeet and forget her.
:'''Stuart''': I can't forget her! She's in terrible trouble, and I have to help her! I mean, what am I, a man or a... mouse?
:'''Snowbell''': Uh, is that a trick question?
:'''Stuart''': Come on, you gotta help me.
:'''Snowbell''': Mmm-hmm, and, uh, why would I do that?
:'''Stuart''': Well, because we're family, and, and because, I'd do the same for you. And because if you don't, and the Littles ask where I've gone, George is gonna tell them that you ate me.
:'''Snowbell''': ''[outraged]'' '''''What?!''' Why, you little rat!'' Ooh! You know something? Everybody thinks you're so nice. You're not so nice.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Snowbell:''' Ohh, Stuart, we've been walking for hours. I can't take another step. You know me, I hate to be negative, but when I walk this much, I chafe! Also, I...I hate to bring this up, but... I need to go tinky!
:'''Stuart:''' How 'bout the alley?
:'''Snowbell:''' I'm a house cat; We're fastidious creatures. We don't just yell '''''&quot;BOMBS AWAY!&quot;,''''' and go wherever we are. Oh, look, let's face it, we're never gonna find her!
:'''Stuart:''' If only we knew someone who really knew the city.
:'''Snowbell:''' Yeah, somebody who knows the city's disgusting underbelly. Who do I know that's disgusting?
:''[Scene cuts to Monty being thrown out of a Chinese restaurant and into a dumpster]''
:'''Chinese Restaurant Owner:''' ''[to Monty, in Chinese]'' ''Nǐ zàilái zhèlǐ, wǒ huì tōngguò Visa jīqì lái guǎnlǐ nǐ de!'' ''[Translation: You come back here again, I'll run you through the Visa machine!]'' ''[he brushes his hands and tell his workers in Chinese to get back to work and closes the door]''
:'''Monty:''' Don't you threaten me! What I could tell the health inspector would close you down in a New York minute!
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[offscreen]'' Hey, Monty!
:'''Monty:''' ''[sees Snowbell]'' Snowbell! He-hey! He-hey! Snowbell! What are you doing here?
:'''Snowbell:''' We've been looking all over for you.
:'''Stuart:''' We need your help.
:'''Monty:''' Hey, Snow, buddy, are you two still friends, or can I eat him?
:'''Snowbell:''' No, Monty, you can't eat him.
:'''Monty:''' ''[pleading]'' Please?
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[strictly]'' '''''No!''''' Now pay attention. What do you know about a bird called Falcon?
:'''Monty:''' &quot;Falcon&quot;? Ohh, that's a bad guy, you don't wanna fool with him. 
:'''Stuart:''' Do you know where we can find him?
:'''Monty''': You don't wanna find him. You don't want to have anything to ''do'' with him. Trust me! He'd eat you so fast, you'd be a pile of falcon-poop before you could yell for help! Falcons are vicious! They grab you by the back of the neck and carry you so high you can't even see the ground, and then they drop ya, and by the time you hit the pavement, they just drink what's left through a ''straw!''
:'''Stuart:''' Snowbell, are you alright?
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[looking terrified]'' Oh, yeah. In fact, good news: I no longer need a litterbox.
:'''Monty:''' ''[guffaws loudly]'' Mop-up on Aisle 3! ''[laughs]'' Snowie!
:'''Snowbell:''' Stu, listen. This whole thing has been a groove and a gas, but it's important to know when the fun's over. You don't want to be that last, pathetic person who leaves a party.
:'''Stuart:''' I told you, I'm not givin' up! We're gonna find the Falcon.
:'''Monty:''' Well, alright, then, it's your funeral. Okay, listen. Listen gracefully. The Falcon lives across the park at the very tip-top of the [[w:Chrysler Building|Pishkin Building]]. Not many people go up there... and even fewer return.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell looks at a restaurant menu]''
:'''Snowbell''': Salmon, catfish, tuna... Why do they taunt me?
:'''Stuart''': Snowbell, how can you think of food at a time like this? Stay on track, will you?
:'''Snowbell''': Look, I'm nervous. When I'm nervous, I eat. Cause I know, in my ''growling gut,'' that if anything happens to you, I'll be blamed! I'm sure the Littles already know we're gone and are planning on replacing me with a hamster!
:'''Stuart''': Don't worry. George has us covered.
:'''Snowbell''': George?! George doesn't know poop from applesauce! And I say that with a great deal of affection.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': ''[using a pay phone]'' Snowbell, I need more change.
:'''Snowbell''': What do I look like, a fanny pack?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Falcon has grabbed Stuart and is about to drop him]''
:'''Margalo:''' Don't hurt him, Falcon!
:'''Falcon:''' I won't hurt him. '''''THE ''SIDEWALK'' WILL!'''''
:'''Stuart:''' Can't we talk this over? ''[Falcon drops him, sending him falling towards the streets below while screaming]''
:'''Margalo:''' ''[racing after him]'' No, Stuart! ''[tries to save Stuart, but Falcon snatches her up and takes her back inside the building]'' Let me go! No, Falcon! '''''NO!!'''''
:''[Meanwhile, Stuart lands unharmed, albeit unconscious, in a passing garbage truck]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Margalo:''' ''[hearing Snowbell from inside a paint can where Falcon has her imprisoned]'' Snowbell? Is that you? Is that really you?
:'''Snowbell:''' Margalo? Where are you?
:'''Margalo:''' In the can!
:'''Snowbell:''' Oh. Okay, I'll wait.
:'''Margalo:''' No! In-in the ''paint'' can.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[getting the idea]'' ''Ohhhh.'' Why are you in there? Is this some kind of trick?
:'''Margalo:''' Just get me out!
:'''Snowbell:''' Is Stuart in there, too?
:'''Margalo:''' ''[sadly]'' No, Snowbell, he's dead.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[shocked]'' ''What?'' Stuart is dead?
:'''Margalo:''' Falcon killed him.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[saddened]'' No. He can't be, he's... I was supposed to protect him! Ohh! I wish it was ''me'' who'd been killed!
:'''Margalo:''' Really?
:'''Snowbell:''' No, but I ''am'' very unhappy! ''[cries in regret]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mrs. Little has just found out George lied to her about where Stuart is]''
:'''Will:''' What are you going to do now?
:'''George:''' Which way's Canada?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mr. and Mrs. Little confront George about Stuart's whereabouts, after finding out his lie.]''
:'''Eleanor''': Alright, George, where is he?
:'''Frederick''': And, this time, the truth.
:'''George''': I'm not sure.
:'''Frederick''': George, it is ''never okay'' to lie to your parents.
:'''George''': But is it okay to break a promise to your brother?
:'''Eleanor''': It's wrong to promise your brother that you'll lie to your parents.
:'''Frederick''': George, listen to the tone of my voice. I want you to tell us where Stuart is.
:'''George''': But it was a promise, brother to brother.
:'''Frederick''': George, I understand. I have a brother. But whatever I promised him, if he was in danger, that would matter more to me than the promise.
:'''Eleanor''': George, how would you feel? How would we all feel if anything happened to Stuart?
:'''George''': He's at the Pishkin Building.
:''[As they all prepare to leave and find Stuart.]''
:'''George:''' Dad?
:'''Frederick:''' What?
:'''George:''' Am I in trouble?
:'''Fredrick:''' No, son. You're in ''big'' trouble.
:''[George cringes when he hears this]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The rest of the Little family is searching for Stuart via taxi]''
:'''George:''' Mom, Dad, I'm really sorry.
:'''Fredrick:''' You should be. For all we know Stuart could be out there right now, lying face-down with his-- ''[Mrs Little gasps]'' ''[changes tone]'' Or, he could be fine. I mean, we don't have to assume the worst. After all, it's not the Little way.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell is in a paint can, and Falcon is about to roll him off the building]''
:'''Margalo:''' Don't do it, Falcon, or else!
:'''Snowbell:''' Do what?! What's he doing?!
:'''Falcon:''' Or else what?
:'''Margalo:''' Or else, you'll lose... this. ''[holds up Mrs. Little's ring]''
:'''Falcon:''' Put that down, Margalo!
:'''Margalo:''' I'm through doing what you tell me to do. I'm leaving you, Falcon, forever!
:'''Falcon:''' Oh, and what do you think you'll be without ''me?!''
:'''Margalo:''' Free. ''[flies off]''
:'''Falcon:''' ''Big'' mistake! I'll be back for you, furball.
:'''Snowbell:''' Don't hurry!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart:''' ''[about the adventure]'' If we get out of this, I'm sticking to painting and dancing!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Monty:''' ''[looking in a trash can]'' Can't I get a decent meal in this city?! ''[Falcon falls out of the sky, screaming. Monty looks him and he falls in the trash can. Monty eagerly looks at the now-dead Falcon, and then looks up at the sky]'' ''[happily]'' Thank you!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart:''' Snowbell! You made it.
:'''Margalo:''' Thank goodness you're alright!
:'''George:''' Snowbell! Where have you been? You wouldn't believe what Stuart and Margalo have been through!
:'''Mr. Little:''' Snowbell... you should have seen it. ''[taking Stuart and Margalo in his hands]'' These two were ''so'' brave. Let's go home.
:''[The family heads away; Snowbell watches them go, aghast]''
:'''Snowbell:''' And what about ''me?'' I played no part in this?! ''[angrily]'' Well, I have had enough! I'm staying ''right here,'' folks! Oh, yeah! You'll never see me again! 
:'''Mrs. Little:''' ''[after Stuart whispers something to her]'' Snow? Want some tuna when we get home? 
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[delighted]'' Tuna? I ''love'' these people! ''[runs after them]'' Wait! Wait for me!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Fredrick Little:''' Stuart?
:'''Stuart Little:''' Yeah, Dad?
:'''Fredrick Little:''' What's the silver lining this time?
:'''Stuart Little:''' She'll be back in the spring.
:'''Martha Little:''' ''[waving]'' Bye-bye, birdie.
:''[the Littles are surprised and happy to hear Martha speak.]''
:'''Eleanor Little:''' ''[happily]'' Did you hear that?
:'''Fredrick Little:''' ''[happily]'' I don't believe it! Her first word; she spoke!
:'''Eleanor Little:''' ''[happily]'' Of course, she did!
:'''George Little:''' ''[happily]'' I knew she could do it.
:'''Snowball:''' ''[arrogantly]'' Big deal. When she could fall out of a tree and land on her feet, ''then'' I'll be impressed.

==Cast==
* [[Michael J. Fox]] as Stuart Little
* [[Geena Davis]] as Eleanor Little
* [[Hugh Laurie]] as Frederick Little
* [[Jonathan Lipnicki]] as George Little
* [[Anna and Ashley Hoelck]] as Martha Little
* [[Marc John Jeffries]] as Will Powell
* [[Jim Doughan]] as Soccer Coach
* [[Brad Garrett]] as Rob
* [[Nathan Lane]] as Snowbell Little
* [[Melanie Griffith]] as Margalo
* [[James Woods]] as Falcon
* [[Steve Zahn]] as Monty

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0243585|title=Stuart Little 2}}

[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about mice]]
[[Category:Films based on children's books]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rob Minkoff]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Stuart Little 2|Stuart Little 2]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] [[w:live action|live action]]/[[w:computer-generated imagery|computer-animated]] [[w:children's film|family]] [[w:comedy film|comedy film]], directed by [[w:Rob Minkoff|Rob Minkoff]] and starring [[w:Geena Davis|Geena Davis]], [[Hugh Laurie]] and [[w:Jonathan Lipnicki|Jonathan Lipnicki]] and the voices of [[w:Michael J. Fox|Michael J. Fox]], [[w:Melanie Griffith|Melanie Griffith]], [[Nathan Lane]], [[James Woods]] and [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]]. The film is a sequel to the 1999 film, ''[[Stuart Little (film)|Stuart Little]]'', and includes characters from the [[w:Stuart Little|children's book]] by [[E. B. White]] such as Margalo the bird.

==Snowbell==
* ''[when asked to clean up Martha's spilled oatmeal]'' Oh, great. It's glop. Look what I'm reduced to. I'm a Handi-Wipe with hair!
* I try to eat right, and yet I still feel bloated. Maybe more food will help.
* ''[trying to keep up with Stuart in his car]'' Hey! [[w:Mario Andretti|Mario Andretti]], slow down! Let's pace ourselves! I'm gonna have a heart attack! I think I'm having a thrombosis! And I don't even know what that means!
* ''[after Stuart's car breaks down]'' This is a sign, Stuart. Like the burning bush... except it's a carburetor and I'm not Moses.
* Giving up is fun! And just think of the time you save! I'm telling ya, Stuart &amp;ndash; if more people gave up, there'd be fewer wars.
* You've got guts, kid! Guts, and... and spunk! Not to mention moxie! You've got guts, spunk, and moxie!
* I'll bet something terrible has happened. Oh, the Littles will ''kill'' me! I know, I'll bring home another mouse in a snazzy outfit, teach him to drive a sports car, and pass him off as Stuart! Oh, who am I kidding?! I have to get up there! But how? ''[cut to Snowbell being elevated upward on a window washing platform, nervously looking down at the street below]'' I hope I live to regret this..
* ''[trying to get the Littles' attention]'' Ho little, hoo wittle, hey wattle...
* Please, don't hurt me! Kill the bird, not me! I'M GONNA BE FALCON POOP!

==Dialogue==
:'''Mrs. Little''': Did you hear that? She said &quot;Blah-blah&quot;! I can't believe it! Her first word! Where's the baby book? I'm writing it down.
:'''Mr. Little''': I'm not sure that's technically, y'know, a word.
:'''Mrs. Little''': Of course it is! But your Uncle Crenshaw says that every Little starts talking by nine months!
:'''Mr. Little''': In Uncle Crenshaw's case, never stops.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': Sure. Just the thing, I'll be right back. Meanwhile, you can use my cat's bed.
:'''Margalo''': You have a cat?!
:'''Stuart''': Oh, don't worry about Snowbell. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
:''[Outside, Snowbell catches a fly and eats it]''
:'''Snowbell''': ''[burps]'' Whoa, those flies really come back on you. ''[goes back into the house]'' Uhh. I try to eat right, and yet, I still feel bloated. Hm. Maybe more food'll help. ''[eats from his food bowl]''
:'''Margalo''': Hi, there. ''[Snowbell screams in alarm]'' Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.
:'''Snowbell''': Scare me? That's a laugh! ''[laughs]'' Hear that? That was a laugh. ''[hisses at Margalo five times, and then starts coughing]'' Hairball: Major hairball! Ugh! And yet, we continue to lick ourselves. Unbelievable.
:'''Stuart''': Hey, Snowbell. Meet Margalo. She's gonna be staying with us for a while.
:'''Snowbell''': Staying?! Are you out of your mind?! Stuart, you can't just drag stray birds in here! What do you think this is, a halfway house? Look at her, she's filthy! No offense. She could have germs. And how do you know she's not a vagrant or a thief? Get rid of her!
:'''Mrs. Little''': ''[from offscreen]'' Hi, we're home! Sorry we're late.
:'''Stuart''': Little high, little low!
:'''Mrs. Little''': Little hey, little ho!
:'''Margalo''': What the heck was that?
:'''Stuart Little''': Oh, that's just how we greet each other.
:'''Margalo''': Interesting.
:'''Snowbell''': Nauseating is more like it. You're in for it now, missy! Mother Little ''hates'' when animals walk in here off the street. When she sees this, she's gonna throw a fit!
:''[Mrs. Little walks in, crouches down, and gently picks up Margalo]''
:'''Mrs. Little''': ''[softly]'' Oh! Such a pretty little birdie!
:'''Snowbell''': ''[walking out of the room]'' Maybe it's just my friends she hates.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Will''': Hi, George. Hi, Stuart.
:'''George''': Hi, Will.
:'''Will''': Hey, George, you want to take a break for a while? I brought my PS2.
:'''George''': Yeah. Okay.
:'''Stuart''': But, what about the plane?
:'''George''': I want to play with Will for a while.
:'''Will''': Play with Snowbell.
:'''Snowbell''': ''[mockingly singing]'' ''♪ One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. ♪'' ''[laughs mockingly]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ha, ha, ha. ''[climbs into the plane's cockpit]'' Oh, well. Guess I'll have to finish it myself. If I can just-- ''[his shirt starts the plane]'' Oh, dear!
:''[George and Will play a soccer video game]''
:'''Will''': Hey, what's that noise?
:'''George''': Sounds like a lawnmower.
:'''Will''': Inside the house?
:'''Both''': ''[alarmed]'' ''Stuart!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Isn't it nice that Stuart has a friend?
:'''Frederick Little:''' Well, I don't think Stuart thinks of her as a friend.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' What do you mean?
:'''Frederick Little:''' I mean, he's smitten. He's infatuated. He's bedazzled.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Stuart?
:'''Frederick Little:''' Mm-hmm.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' But he's a baby!
:'''Frederick Little:''' Well, boys start having crushes really young.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Frederick, did you have many crushes?
:'''Frederick Little:''' ''[smiling]'' I'm still having one.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The falcon lands behind Margalo, stomping his feet loud enough to startle her]''
:'''Falcon''': Remember me?
:'''Margalo''': You scared me.
:'''Falcon''': What can I say? I'm a scary guy. So, Margalo, what's going on here? You case the joint? Any valuables? Come on, thrill me, chill me.
:'''Margalo''': They ain't got much. The mom's got a ring, but it's only two carats. 
:'''Falcon''': Alright, okay, fine. So, what ''else'' have they got? 
:'''Margalo''': ''[nervously]'' Well, you know, not that much. I mean, they mostly just have... each other.
:'''Falcon''': ''[sarcastic]'' Awww. A moment while I ''vomit.''
:'''Margalo''': Why don't we just try somewhere else?
:'''Falcon''': Why? Because you're set up here! They trust you; they like you. ''[smiles slyly]'' Ahh, and maybe, you like them.
:''[Margalo scoffs and tries to fly away, but Falcon follows her]''
:'''Falcon''': Hey, Margalo, come on, huh? ''[chuckles]'' Don't con a conman. 
:'''Margalo''': Well, nobody else ever invited me to live with them.
:'''Falcon''': Oh, really? Who found a pitiful orphaned bird, and plucked her out of the gutter? Who shared his food with her? And, I hasten to add, taught her a trade? Who?
:'''Margalo''': ''[humbly]'' You did.
:'''Falcon''': ''I'' did, right! ''[sternly]'' Well, then, straighten up and fly right. And remember, you are here on business. You're not here to play around! ''[flies away]''
:'''Margalo''': Come on, Falcon. When I'm on a job, I ''never'' play around.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Margalo is taking a bath, but Falcon drops in and scares her]''
:'''Falcon''': Did you really think I wouldn't find out?
:'''Margalo''': What are you talking about?
:'''Falcon''': I'm talking about you, and your little mouse friend. Big mistake. Never make a friend I can eat. Now ''get me that ring,'' or the mouse... is lunch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell is sleeping, and Stuart wakes him up, and asks him to join his search in finding Margalo]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[whispers]'' Snow? Snowbell?
:'''Snowbell''': ''[screaming]'' The good silverware is in the dining room! Take whatever you want, but don't hurt me! 
:'''Stuart''': It's me, Stuart.
:'''Snowbell''': Oh, you. This better be important.
:'''Stuart''': Margalo's still missing.
:'''Snowbell''': I should've been more specific. I meant &quot;important to me&quot;!
:'''Stuart''': I was going to go look for her, and I was hoping that you could come with me. 
:'''Snowbell''': Look, Stuart. Do yourself a favor. Buy a parakeet and forget her.
:'''Stuart''': I can't forget her! She's in terrible trouble, and I have to help her! I mean, what am I, a man or a... mouse?
:'''Snowbell''': Uh, is that a trick question?
:'''Stuart''': Come on, you gotta help me.
:'''Snowbell''': Mmm-hmm, and, uh, why would I do that?
:'''Stuart''': Well, because we're family, and, and because, I'd do the same for you. And because if you don't, and the Littles ask where I've gone, George is gonna tell them that you ate me.
:'''Snowbell''': ''[outraged]'' '''''What?!''' Why, you little rat!'' Ooh! You know something? Everybody thinks you're so nice. You're not so nice.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Snowbell:''' Ohh, Stuart, we've been walking for hours. I can't take another step. You know me, I hate to be negative, but when I walk this much, I chafe! Also, I...I hate to bring this up, but... I need to go tinky!
:'''Stuart:''' How 'bout the alley?
:'''Snowbell:''' I'm a house cat; We're fastidious creatures. We don't just yell '''''&quot;BOMBS AWAY!&quot;,''''' and go wherever we are. Oh, look, let's face it, we're never gonna find her!
:'''Stuart:''' If only we knew someone who really knew the city.
:'''Snowbell:''' Yeah, somebody who knows the city's disgusting underbelly. Who do I know that's disgusting?
:''[Scene cuts to Monty being thrown out of a Chinese restaurant and into a dumpster]''
:'''Chinese Restaurant Owner:''' ''[to Monty, in Chinese]'' ''Nǐ zàilái zhèlǐ, wǒ huì tōngguò Visa jīqì lái guǎnlǐ nǐ de!'' ''[Translation: You come back here again, I'll run you through the Visa machine!]'' ''[he brushes his hands and tell his workers in Chinese to get back to work and closes the door]''
:'''Monty:''' Don't you threaten me! What I could tell the health inspector would close you down in a New York minute!
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[offscreen]'' Hey, Monty!
:'''Monty:''' ''[sees Snowbell]'' Snowbell! He-hey! He-hey! Snowbell! What are you doing here?
:'''Snowbell:''' We've been looking all over for you.
:'''Stuart:''' We need your help.
:'''Monty:''' Hey, Snow, buddy, are you two still friends, or can I eat him?
:'''Snowbell:''' No, Monty, you can't eat him.
:'''Monty:''' ''[pleading]'' Please?
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[strictly]'' '''''No!''''' Now pay attention. What do you know about a bird called Falcon?
:'''Monty:''' &quot;Falcon&quot;? Ohh, that's a bad guy, you don't wanna fool with him. 
:'''Stuart:''' Do you know where we can find him?
:'''Monty''': You don't wanna find him. You don't want to have anything to ''do'' with him. Trust me! He'd eat you so fast, you'd be a pile of falcon-poop before you could yell for help! Falcons are vicious! They grab you by the back of the neck and carry you so high you can't even see the ground, and then they drop ya, and by the time you hit the pavement, they just drink what's left through a ''straw!''
:'''Stuart:''' Snowbell, are you alright?
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[looking terrified]'' Oh, yeah. In fact, good news: I no longer need a litterbox.
:'''Monty:''' ''[guffaws loudly]'' Mop-up on Aisle 3! ''[laughs]'' Snowie!
:'''Snowbell:''' Stu, listen. This whole thing has been a groove and a gas, but it's important to know when the fun's over. You don't want to be that last, pathetic person who leaves a party.
:'''Stuart:''' I told you, I'm not givin' up! We're gonna find the Falcon.
:'''Monty:''' Well, alright, then, it's your funeral. Okay, listen. Listen gracefully. The Falcon lives across the park at the very tip-top of the [[w:Chrysler Building|Pishkin Building]]. Not many people go up there... and even fewer return.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell looks at a restaurant menu]''
:'''Snowbell''': Salmon, catfish, tuna... Why do they taunt me?
:'''Stuart''': Snowbell, how can you think of food at a time like this? Stay on track, will you?
:'''Snowbell''': Look, I'm nervous. When I'm nervous, I eat. Cause I know, in my ''growling gut,'' that if anything happens to you, I'll be blamed! I'm sure the Littles already know we're gone and are planning on replacing me with a hamster!
:'''Stuart''': Don't worry. George has us covered.
:'''Snowbell''': George?! George doesn't know poop from applesauce! And I say that with a great deal of affection.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': ''[using a pay phone]'' Snowbell, I need more change.
:'''Snowbell''': What do I look like, a fanny pack?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Falcon has grabbed Stuart and is about to drop him]''
:'''Margalo:''' Don't hurt him, Falcon!
:'''Falcon:''' I won't hurt him. '''''THE ''SIDEWALK'' WILL!'''''
:'''Stuart:''' Can't we talk this over? ''[Falcon drops him, sending him falling towards the streets below while screaming]''
:'''Margalo:''' ''[racing after him]'' No, Stuart! ''[tries to save Stuart, but Falcon snatches her up and takes her back inside the building]'' Let me go! No, Falcon! '''''NO!!'''''
:''[Meanwhile, Stuart lands unharmed, albeit unconscious, in a passing garbage truck]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Margalo:''' ''[hearing Snowbell from inside a paint can where Falcon has her imprisoned]'' Snowbell? Is that you? Is that really you?
:'''Snowbell:''' Margalo? Where are you?
:'''Margalo:''' In the can!
:'''Snowbell:''' Oh. Okay, I'll wait.
:'''Margalo:''' No! In-in the ''paint'' can.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[getting the idea]'' ''Ohhhh.'' Why are you in there? Is this some kind of trick?
:'''Margalo:''' Just get me out!
:'''Snowbell:''' Is Stuart in there, too?
:'''Margalo:''' ''[sadly]'' No, Snowbell, he's dead.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[shocked]'' ''What?'' Stuart is dead?
:'''Margalo:''' Falcon killed him.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[saddened]'' No. He can't be, he's... I was supposed to protect him! Ohh! I wish it was ''me'' who'd been killed!
:'''Margalo:''' Really?
:'''Snowbell:''' No, but I ''am'' very unhappy! ''[cries in regret]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mrs. Little has just found out George lied to her about where Stuart is]''
:'''Will:''' What are you going to do now?
:'''George:''' Which way's Canada?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mr. and Mrs. Little confront George about Stuart's whereabouts, after finding out his lie.]''
:'''Eleanor''': Alright, George, where is he?
:'''Frederick''': And, this time, the truth.
:'''George''': I'm not sure.
:'''Frederick''': George, it is ''never okay'' to lie to your parents.
:'''George''': But is it okay to break a promise to your brother?
:'''Eleanor''': It's wrong to promise your brother that you'll lie to your parents.
:'''Frederick''': George, listen to the tone of my voice. I want you to tell us where Stuart is.
:'''George''': But it was a promise, brother to brother.
:'''Frederick''': George, I understand. I have a brother. But whatever I promised him, if he was in danger, that would matter more to me than the promise.
:'''Eleanor''': George, how would you feel? How would we all feel if anything happened to Stuart?
:'''George''': He's at the Pishkin Building.
:''[As they all prepare to leave and find Stuart.]''
:'''George:''' Dad?
:'''Frederick:''' What?
:'''George:''' Am I in trouble?
:'''Fredrick:''' No, son. You're in ''big'' trouble.
:''[George cringes when he hears this]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The rest of the Little family is searching for Stuart via taxi]''
:'''George:''' Mom, Dad, I'm really sorry.
:'''Fredrick:''' You should be. For all we know Stuart could be out there right now, lying face-down with his-- ''[Mrs Little gasps]'' ''[changes tone]'' Or, he could be fine. I mean, we don't have to assume the worst. After all, it's not the Little way.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell is in a paint can, and Falcon is about to roll him off the building]''
:'''Margalo:''' Don't do it, Falcon, or else!
:'''Snowbell:''' Do what?! What's he doing?!
:'''Falcon:''' Or else what?
:'''Margalo:''' Or else, you'll lose... this. ''[holds up Mrs. Little's ring]''
:'''Falcon:''' Put that down, Margalo!
:'''Margalo:''' I'm through doing what you tell me to do. I'm leaving you, Falcon, forever!
:'''Falcon:''' Oh, and what do you think you'll be without ''me?!''
:'''Margalo:''' Free. ''[flies off]''
:'''Falcon:''' ''Big'' mistake! I'll be back for you, furball.
:'''Snowbell:''' Don't hurry!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart:''' ''[about the adventure]'' If we get out of this, I'm sticking to painting and dancing!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Monty:''' ''[looking in a trash can]'' Can't I get a decent meal in this city?! ''[Falcon falls out of the sky, screaming. Monty looks him and he falls in the trash can. Monty eagerly looks at the now-dead Falcon, and then looks up at the sky]'' ''[happily]'' Thank you!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart:''' Snowbell! You made it.
:'''Margalo:''' Thank goodness you're alright!
:'''George:''' Snowbell! Where have you been? You wouldn't believe what Stuart and Margalo have been through!
:'''Mr. Little:''' Snowbell... you should have seen it. ''[taking Stuart and Margalo in his hands]'' These two were ''so'' brave. Let's go home.
:''[The family heads away; Snowbell watches them go, aghast]''
:'''Snowbell:''' And what about ''me?'' I played no part in this?! ''[angrily]'' Well, I have had enough! I'm staying ''right here,'' folks! Oh, yeah! You'll never see me again! 
:'''Mrs. Little:''' ''[after Stuart whispers something to her]'' Snow? Want some tuna when we get home? 
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[delighted]'' Tuna? I ''love'' these people! ''[runs after them]'' Wait! Wait for me!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Fredrick Little:''' Stuart?
:'''Stuart Little:''' Yeah, Dad?
:'''Fredrick Little:''' What's the silver lining this time?
:'''Stuart Little:''' She'll be back in the spring.
:'''Martha Little:''' ''[waving]'' Bye-bye, birdie.
:''[the Littles are surprised and happy to hear Martha speak.]''
:'''Eleanor Little:''' ''[happily]'' Did you hear that?
:'''Fredrick Little:''' ''[happily]'' I don't believe it! Her first word; she spoke!
:'''Eleanor Little:''' ''[happily]'' Of course, she did!
:'''George Little:''' ''[happily]'' I knew she could do it.
:'''Snowball:''' ''[arrogantly]'' Big deal. When she could fall out of a tree and land on her feet, ''then'' I'll be impressed.

==Cast==
* [[Michael J. Fox]] as Stuart Little
* [[Geena Davis]] as Eleanor Little
* [[Hugh Laurie]] as Frederick Little
* [[Jonathan Lipnicki]] as George Little
* [[Anna and Ashley Hoelck]] as Martha Little
* [[Marc John Jeffries]] as Will Powell
* [[Jim Doughan]] as Soccer Coach
* [[Brad Garrett]] as Rob
* [[Nathan Lane]] as Snowbell Little
* [[Melanie Griffith]] as Margalo
* [[James Woods]] as Falcon
* [[Steve Zahn]] as Monty

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0243585|title=Stuart Little 2}}

[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about mice]]
[[Category:Films based on children's books]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rob Minkoff]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
      <sha1>babum8sfvw7y9huf0c4tsug3xd8gn3m</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146212</id>
      <parentid>3146054</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:34:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>47.20.123.50</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19082" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Stuart Little 2|Stuart Little 2]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] [[w:live action|live action]]/[[w:computer-generated imagery|computer-animated]] [[w:children's film|family]] [[w:comedy film|comedy film]], directed by [[w:Rob Minkoff|Rob Minkoff]] and starring [[w:Geena Davis|Geena Davis]], [[Hugh Laurie]] and [[w:Jonathan Lipnicki|Jonathan Lipnicki]] and the voices of [[w:Michael J. Fox|Michael J. Fox]], [[w:Melanie Griffith|Melanie Griffith]], [[Nathan Lane]], [[James Woods]] and [[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]]. The film is a sequel to the 1999 film, ''[[Stuart Little (film)|Stuart Little]]'', and includes characters from the [[w:Stuart Little|children's book]] by [[E. B. White]] such as Margalo the bird.

==Snowbell==
* ''[when asked to clean up Martha's spilled oatmeal]'' Oh, great. It's glop. Look what I'm reduced to. I'm a Handi-Wipe with hair!
* I try to eat right, and yet I still feel bloated. Maybe more food will help.
* ''[trying to keep up with Stuart in his car]'' Hey! [[w:Mario Andretti|Mario Andretti]], slow down! Let's pace ourselves! I'm gonna have a heart attack! I think I'm having a thrombosis! And I don't even know what that means!
* ''[after Stuart's car breaks down]'' This is a sign, Stuart. Like the burning bush... except it's a carburetor and I'm not Moses.
* Giving up is fun! And just think of the time you save! I'm telling ya, Stuart &amp;ndash; if more people gave up, there'd be fewer wars.
* You've got guts, kid! Guts, and... and spunk! Not to mention moxie! You've got guts, spunk, and moxie!
* I'll bet something terrible has happened. Oh, the Littles will ''kill'' me! I know, I'll bring home another mouse in a snazzy outfit, teach him to drive a sports car, and pass him off as Stuart! Oh, who am I kidding?! I have to get up there! But how? ''[cut to Snowbell being elevated upward on a window washing platform, nervously looking down at the street below]'' I hope I live to regret this..
* ''[trying to get the Littles' attention]'' Ho little, hoo wittle, hey wattle...
* Please, don't hurt me! Kill the bird, not me! I'M GONNA BE FALCON POOP!

==Dialogue==
:'''Mrs. Little''': Did you hear that? She said &quot;Blah-blah&quot;! I can't believe it! Her first word! Where's the baby book? I'm writing it down.
:'''Mr. Little''': I'm not sure that's technically, y'know, a word.
:'''Mrs. Little''': Of course it is! But your Uncle Crenshaw says that every Little starts talking by nine months!
:'''Mr. Little''': In Uncle Crenshaw's case, never stops.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': Sure. Just the thing, I'll be right back. Meanwhile, you can use my cat's bed.
:'''Margalo''': You have a cat?!
:'''Stuart''': Oh, don't worry about Snowbell. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
:''[Outside, Snowbell catches a fly and eats it]''
:'''Snowbell''': ''[burps]'' Whoa, those flies really come back on you. ''[goes back into the house]'' Uhh. I try to eat right, and yet, I still feel bloated. Hm. Maybe more food'll help. ''[eats from his food bowl]''
:'''Margalo''': Hi, there. ''[Snowbell screams in alarm]'' Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.
:'''Snowbell''': Scare me? That's a laugh! ''[laughs]'' Hear that? That was a laugh. ''[hisses at Margalo five times, and then starts coughing]'' Hairball: Major hairball! Ugh! And yet, we continue to lick ourselves. Unbelievable.
:'''Stuart''': Hey, Snowbell. Meet Margalo. She's gonna be staying with us for a while.
:'''Snowbell''': Staying?! Are you out of your mind?! Stuart, you can't just drag stray birds in here! What do you think this is, a halfway house? Look at her, she's filthy! No offense. She could have germs. And how do you know she's not a vagrant or a thief? Get rid of her!
:'''Mrs. Little''': ''[from offscreen]'' Hi, we're home! Sorry we're late.
:'''Stuart''': Little high, little low!
:'''Mrs. Little''': Little hey, little ho!
:'''Margalo''': What the heck was that?
:'''Stuart Little''': Oh, that's just how we greet each other.
:'''Margalo''': Interesting.
:'''Snowbell''': Nauseating is more like it. You're in for it now, missy! Mother Little ''hates'' when animals walk in here off the street. When she sees this, she's gonna throw a fit!
:''[Mrs. Little walks in, crouches down, and gently picks up Margalo]''
:'''Mrs. Little''': ''[softly]'' Oh! Such a pretty little birdie!
:'''Snowbell''': ''[walking out of the room]'' Maybe it's just my friends she hates.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Will''': Hi, George. Hi, Stuart.
:'''George''': Hi, Will.
:'''Will''': Hey, George, you want to take a break for a while? I brought my PS2.
:'''George''': Yeah. Okay.
:'''Stuart''': But, what about the plane?
:'''George''': I want to play with Will for a while.
:'''Will''': Play with Snowbell.
:'''Snowbell''': ''[mockingly singing]'' ''♪ One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. ♪'' ''[laughs mockingly]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ha, ha, ha. ''[climbs into the plane's cockpit]'' Oh, well. Guess I'll have to finish it myself. If I can just-- ''[his shirt starts the plane]'' Oh, dear!
:''[George and Will play a soccer video game]''
:'''Will''': Hey, what's that noise?
:'''George''': Sounds like a lawnmower.
:'''Will''': Inside the house?
:'''Both''': ''[alarmed]'' ''Stuart!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Isn't it nice that Stuart has a friend?
:'''Frederick Little:''' Well, I don't think Stuart thinks of her as a friend.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' What do you mean?
:'''Frederick Little:''' I mean, he's smitten. He's infatuated. He's bedazzled.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Stuart?
:'''Frederick Little:''' Mm-hmm.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' But he's a baby!
:'''Frederick Little:''' Well, boys start having crushes really young.
:'''Eleanor Little:''' Frederick, did you have many crushes?
:'''Frederick Little:''' ''[smiling]'' I'm still having one.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The falcon lands behind Margalo, stomping his feet loud enough to startle her]''
:'''Falcon''': Remember me?
:'''Margalo''': You scared me.
:'''Falcon''': What can I say? I'm a scary guy. So, Margalo, what's going on here? You case the joint? Any valuables? Come on, thrill me, chill me.
:'''Margalo''': They ain't got much. The mom's got a ring, but it's only two carats. 
:'''Falcon''': Alright, okay, fine. So, what ''else'' have they got? 
:'''Margalo''': ''[nervously]'' Well, you know, not that much. I mean, they mostly just have... each other.
:'''Falcon''': ''[sarcastic]'' Awww. A moment while I ''vomit.''
:'''Margalo''': Why don't we just try somewhere else?
:'''Falcon''': Why? Because you're set up here! They trust you; they like you. ''[smiles slyly]'' Ahh, and maybe, you like them.
:''[Margalo scoffs and tries to fly away, but Falcon follows her]''
:'''Falcon''': Hey, Margalo, come on, huh? ''[chuckles]'' Don't con a conman. 
:'''Margalo''': Well, nobody else ever invited me to live with them.
:'''Falcon''': Oh, really? Who found a pitiful orphaned bird, and plucked her out of the gutter? Who shared his food with her? And, I hasten to add, taught her a trade? Who?
:'''Margalo''': ''[humbly]'' You did.
:'''Falcon''': ''I'' did, right! ''[sternly]'' Well, then, straighten up and fly right. And remember, you are here on business. You're not here to play around! ''[flies away]''
:'''Margalo''': Come on, Falcon. When I'm on a job, I ''never'' play around.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Margalo is taking a bath, but Falcon drops in and scares her]''
:'''Falcon''': Did you really think I wouldn't find out?
:'''Margalo''': What are you talking about?
:'''Falcon''': I'm talking about you, and your little mouse friend. Big mistake. Never make a friend I can eat. Now ''get me that ring,'' or the mouse... is lunch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell is sleeping, and Stuart wakes him up, and asks him to join his search in finding Margalo]''
:'''Stuart''': ''[whispers]'' Snow? Snowbell?
:'''Snowbell''': ''[screaming]'' The good silverware is in the dining room! Take whatever you want, but don't hurt me! 
:'''Stuart''': It's me, Stuart.
:'''Snowbell''': Oh, you. This better be important.
:'''Stuart''': Margalo's still missing.
:'''Snowbell''': I should've been more specific. I meant &quot;important to me&quot;!
:'''Stuart''': I was going to go look for her, and I was hoping that you could come with me. 
:'''Snowbell''': Look, Stuart. Do yourself a favor. Buy a parakeet and forget her.
:'''Stuart''': I can't forget her! She's in terrible trouble, and I have to help her! I mean, what am I, a man or a... mouse?
:'''Snowbell''': Uh, is that a trick question?
:'''Stuart''': Come on, you gotta help me.
:'''Snowbell''': Mmm-hmm, and, uh, why would I do that?
:'''Stuart''': Well, because we're family, and, and because, I'd do the same for you. And because if you don't, and the Littles ask where I've gone, George is gonna tell them that you ate me.
:'''Snowbell''': ''[outraged]'' '''''What?!''' Why, you little rat!'' Ooh! You know something? Everybody thinks you're so nice. You're not so nice.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Snowbell:''' Ohh, Stuart, we've been walking for hours. I can't take another step. You know me, I hate to be negative, but when I walk this much, I chafe! Also, I...I hate to bring this up, but... I need to go tinky!
:'''Stuart:''' How 'bout the alley?
:'''Snowbell:''' I'm a house cat; We're fastidious creatures. We don't just yell '''''&quot;BOMBS AWAY!&quot;,''''' and go wherever we are. Oh, look, let's face it, we're never gonna find her!
:'''Stuart:''' If only we knew someone who really knew the city.
:'''Snowbell:''' Yeah, somebody who knows the city's disgusting underbelly. Who do I know that's disgusting?
:''[Scene cuts to Monty being thrown out of a Chinese restaurant and into a dumpster]''
:'''Chinese Restaurant Owner:''' ''[to Monty, in Chinese]'' ''Nǐ zàilái zhèlǐ, wǒ huì tōngguò Visa jīqì lái guǎnlǐ nǐ de!'' ''[Translation: You come back here again, I'll run you through the Visa machine!]'' ''[he brushes his hands and tell his workers in Chinese to get back to work and closes the door]''
:'''Monty:''' Don't you threaten me! What I could tell the health inspector would close you down in a New York minute!
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[offscreen]'' Hey, Monty!
:'''Monty:''' ''[sees Snowbell]'' Snowbell! He-hey! He-hey! Snowbell! What are you doing here?
:'''Snowbell:''' We've been looking all over for you.
:'''Stuart:''' We need your help.
:'''Monty:''' Hey, Snow, buddy, are you two still friends, or can I eat him?
:'''Snowbell:''' No, Monty, you can't eat him.
:'''Monty:''' ''[pleading]'' Please?
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[strictly]'' '''''No!''''' Now pay attention. What do you know about a bird called Falcon?
:'''Monty:''' &quot;Falcon&quot;? Ohh, that's a bad guy, you don't wanna fool with him. 
:'''Stuart:''' Do you know where we can find him?
:'''Monty''': You don't wanna find him. You don't want to have anything to ''do'' with him. Trust me! He'd eat you so fast, you'd be a pile of falcon-poop before you could yell for help! Falcons are vicious! They grab you by the back of the neck and carry you so high you can't even see the ground, and then they drop ya, and by the time you hit the pavement, they just drink what's left through a ''straw!''
:'''Stuart:''' Snowbell, are you alright?
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[looking terrified]'' Oh, yeah. In fact, good news: I no longer need a litterbox.
:'''Monty:''' ''[guffaws loudly]'' Mop-up on Aisle 3! ''[laughs]'' Snowie!
:'''Snowbell:''' Stu, listen. This whole thing has been a groove and a gas, but it's important to know when the fun's over. You don't want to be that last, pathetic person who leaves a party.
:'''Stuart:''' I told you, I'm not givin' up! We're gonna find the Falcon.
:'''Monty:''' Well, alright, then, it's your funeral. Okay, listen. Listen carefully. The Falcon lives across the park at the very tip-top of the [[w:Chrysler Building|Pishkin Building]]. Not many people go up there... and even fewer return.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell looks at a restaurant menu]''
:'''Snowbell''': Salmon, catfish, tuna... Why do they taunt me?
:'''Stuart''': Snowbell, how can you think of food at a time like this? Stay on track, will you?
:'''Snowbell''': Look, I'm nervous. When I'm nervous, I eat. Cause I know, in my ''growling gut,'' that if anything happens to you, I'll be blamed! I'm sure the Littles already know we're gone and are planning on replacing me with a hamster!
:'''Stuart''': Don't worry. George has us covered.
:'''Snowbell''': George?! George doesn't know poop from applesauce! And I say that with a great deal of affection.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart''': ''[using a pay phone]'' Snowbell, I need more change.
:'''Snowbell''': What do I look like, a fanny pack?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Falcon has grabbed Stuart and is about to drop him]''
:'''Margalo:''' Don't hurt him, Falcon!
:'''Falcon:''' I won't hurt him. '''''THE ''SIDEWALK'' WILL!'''''
:'''Stuart:''' Can't we talk this over? ''[Falcon drops him, sending him falling towards the streets below while screaming]''
:'''Margalo:''' ''[racing after him]'' No, Stuart! ''[tries to save Stuart, but Falcon snatches her up and takes her back inside the building]'' Let me go! No, Falcon! '''''NO!!'''''
:''[Meanwhile, Stuart lands unharmed, albeit unconscious, in a passing garbage truck]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Margalo:''' ''[hearing Snowbell from inside a paint can where Falcon has her imprisoned]'' Snowbell? Is that you? Is that really you?
:'''Snowbell:''' Margalo? Where are you?
:'''Margalo:''' In the can!
:'''Snowbell:''' Oh. Okay, I'll wait.
:'''Margalo:''' No! In-in the ''paint'' can.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[getting the idea]'' ''Ohhhh.'' Why are you in there? Is this some kind of trick?
:'''Margalo:''' Just get me out!
:'''Snowbell:''' Is Stuart in there, too?
:'''Margalo:''' ''[sadly]'' No, Snowbell, he's dead.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[shocked]'' ''What?'' Stuart is dead?
:'''Margalo:''' Falcon killed him.
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[saddened]'' No. He can't be, he's... I was supposed to protect him! Ohh! I wish it was ''me'' who'd been killed!
:'''Margalo:''' Really?
:'''Snowbell:''' No, but I ''am'' very unhappy! ''[cries in regret]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mrs. Little has just found out George lied to her about where Stuart is]''
:'''Will:''' What are you going to do now?
:'''George:''' Which way's Canada?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mr. and Mrs. Little confront George about Stuart's whereabouts, after finding out his lie.]''
:'''Eleanor''': Alright, George, where is he?
:'''Frederick''': And, this time, the truth.
:'''George''': I'm not sure.
:'''Frederick''': George, it is ''never okay'' to lie to your parents.
:'''George''': But is it okay to break a promise to your brother?
:'''Eleanor''': It's wrong to promise your brother that you'll lie to your parents.
:'''Frederick''': George, listen to the tone of my voice. I want you to tell us where Stuart is.
:'''George''': But it was a promise, brother to brother.
:'''Frederick''': George, I understand. I have a brother. But whatever I promised him, if he was in danger, that would matter more to me than the promise.
:'''Eleanor''': George, how would you feel? How would we all feel if anything happened to Stuart?
:'''George''': He's at the Pishkin Building.
:''[As they all prepare to leave and find Stuart.]''
:'''George:''' Dad?
:'''Frederick:''' What?
:'''George:''' Am I in trouble?
:'''Fredrick:''' No, son. You're in ''big'' trouble.
:''[George cringes when he hears this]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The rest of the Little family is searching for Stuart via taxi]''
:'''George:''' Mom, Dad, I'm really sorry.
:'''Fredrick:''' You should be. For all we know Stuart could be out there right now, lying face-down with his-- ''[Mrs Little gasps]'' ''[changes tone]'' Or, he could be fine. I mean, we don't have to assume the worst. After all, it's not the Little way.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snowbell is in a paint can, and Falcon is about to roll him off the building]''
:'''Margalo:''' Don't do it, Falcon, or else!
:'''Snowbell:''' Do what?! What's he doing?!
:'''Falcon:''' Or else what?
:'''Margalo:''' Or else, you'll lose... this. ''[holds up Mrs. Little's ring]''
:'''Falcon:''' Put that down, Margalo!
:'''Margalo:''' I'm through doing what you tell me to do. I'm leaving you, Falcon, forever!
:'''Falcon:''' Oh, and what do you think you'll be without ''me?!''
:'''Margalo:''' Free. ''[flies off]''
:'''Falcon:''' ''Big'' mistake! I'll be back for you, furball.
:'''Snowbell:''' Don't hurry!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart:''' ''[about the adventure]'' If we get out of this, I'm sticking to painting and dancing!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Monty:''' ''[looking in a trash can]'' Can't I get a decent meal in this city?! ''[Falcon falls out of the sky, screaming. Monty looks him and he falls in the trash can. Monty eagerly looks at the now-dead Falcon, and then looks up at the sky]'' ''[happily]'' Thank you!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stuart:''' Snowbell! You made it.
:'''Margalo:''' Thank goodness you're alright!
:'''George:''' Snowbell! Where have you been? You wouldn't believe what Stuart and Margalo have been through!
:'''Mr. Little:''' Snowbell... you should have seen it. ''[taking Stuart and Margalo in his hands]'' These two were ''so'' brave. Let's go home.
:''[The family heads away; Snowbell watches them go, aghast]''
:'''Snowbell:''' And what about ''me?'' I played no part in this?! ''[angrily]'' Well, I have had enough! I'm staying ''right here,'' folks! Oh, yeah! You'll never see me again! 
:'''Mrs. Little:''' ''[after Stuart whispers something to her]'' Snow? Want some tuna when we get home? 
:'''Snowbell:''' ''[delighted]'' Tuna? I ''love'' these people! ''[runs after them]'' Wait! Wait for me!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Fredrick Little:''' Stuart?
:'''Stuart Little:''' Yeah, Dad?
:'''Fredrick Little:''' What's the silver lining this time?
:'''Stuart Little:''' She'll be back in the spring.
:'''Martha Little:''' ''[waving]'' Bye-bye, birdie.
:''[the Littles are surprised and happy to hear Martha speak.]''
:'''Eleanor Little:''' ''[happily]'' Did you hear that?
:'''Fredrick Little:''' ''[happily]'' I don't believe it! Her first word; she spoke!
:'''Eleanor Little:''' ''[happily]'' Of course, she did!
:'''George Little:''' ''[happily]'' I knew she could do it.
:'''Snowball:''' ''[arrogantly]'' Big deal. When she could fall out of a tree and land on her feet, ''then'' I'll be impressed.

==Cast==
* [[Michael J. Fox]] as Stuart Little
* [[Geena Davis]] as Eleanor Little
* [[Hugh Laurie]] as Frederick Little
* [[Jonathan Lipnicki]] as George Little
* [[Anna and Ashley Hoelck]] as Martha Little
* [[Marc John Jeffries]] as Will Powell
* [[Jim Doughan]] as Soccer Coach
* [[Brad Garrett]] as Rob
* [[Nathan Lane]] as Snowbell Little
* [[Melanie Griffith]] as Margalo
* [[James Woods]] as Falcon
* [[Steve Zahn]] as Monty

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0243585|title=Stuart Little 2}}

[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about mice]]
[[Category:Films based on children's books]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rob Minkoff]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Georges Bernanos</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>120918</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146094</id>
      <parentid>2900150</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:54:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Tomruen</username>
        <id>1746883</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>The Last essays, 1955</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="21813" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Georges-Bernanos.jpg|right|thumb|175px|God knows that we should not despise anything. We must do our best.]] 
'''[[w:Georges Bernanos|Georges Bernanos]]''' ([[20 February]] [[1888]] – [[5 July]] [[1948]]) was a [[w:French people|French]] writer. A [[w:Roman Catholic|Roman Catholic]] and royalist, his novel ''[[w:Diary of a Country Priest|The Diary of a Country Priest]]'' was filmed by [[w:Robert Bresson|Robert Bresson]].

== Sourced ==

=== ''Sous le soleil de Satan (Under the Sun of Satan)'', 1926 ===
&lt;small&gt;''Under the Sun of Satan,'' translated by Harry Lorin Binsse. Tacoma WE: Cluny Media, 2017&lt;/small&gt;

* &quot;We are at that one of life's hours (it strikes for every man) when truth imposes itself, by itself, with irresistible obviousness, when each of us has only to stretch forth his arms to reach at a single bound the surface of shadows, even the sunlight of God. Then is human prudence but a snare and a delusion. Sanctity!' cried out the old priest in a deep voice; 'by saying this word in your presence and for you alone, I know the hurt I inflict upon you! You are not unaware of what sanctity is: a vocation, a calling. Up to the place where God awaits you you will have to climb—climb, or be lost. Expect no human help.&quot;
** pp.101-102, Fr. Menou-Segrais to the young Fr. Donissan

* For temptation is like the birth of another man inside a man, a horrible extension of himself. He drags this weight in his heart, not daring to cast it from him. For where could he cast it? Into another heart? '''The saint is always alone, at the foot of the cross. No other friend.'''
** p. 244 (1940 Macmillan ed.)

=== ''L'imposture (The Impostor)'', 1927 ===
&lt;small&gt;''The Impostor'', translated by J. C. Whitehouse. Lincoln NE: University of Nebraska Press, 1999&lt;/small&gt;
*There is no mask that temptation cannot wear, and the idea that [[Satan]] is purely a logician is an illusion held by not a few naive people. Many a shifty old man sees him as an opponent in an academic argument, but if he does the observer is still at the stage of games and trifles. Sometimes, though not often, the black desire to harm wins out over quicker and less bitter delights. When that happens, evil shows itself for what it truly is, not a way of life, but an attack on life itself.
**pp.74–75

*The contradictions in [[Ernest Renan|Renan]], his feminine sensibility, coquetry, unavowed egotism, and sudden emotional outbursts, all indicate a soul deliberately using distraction as a means of evasion. The perpetual equivocation bears witness to God in the same way as the twisting and turning of a hunted animal indicates the presence of an unseen hunter.
**p.152

*More often than not, nothingness is reluctantly and despairingly taken to be the only hypothesis possible when all the others have failed, since by definition it cannot be disproven and is beyond the scope of reason.
**p.153

*[P]ride has no intrinsic substance, being no more than the name given to the soul devouring itself. When that loathsome perversion of love has borne its fruit, it has another, more meaningful and weightier name. We call it hatred.
**p.156

*He [Abbé Cénabre] had often reflected on the plight of even the most illustrious of those renegades who finish up engaged in a monotonous argument they can never quite extricate themselves from and seem to be insulting the God they have offended, dragging Him along with them like a fellow criminal shackled to them.... He thought, not without some justification, that where such tortured and anxious nihilists had made their greatest mistake was in having freed only their intellects, leaving belief to go on surviving and festering in the most hidden and least accessible parts of their sensibility. Such a deep and hidden contradiction is all the more destructive because they cannot form a clear idea of it, or indeed express it, except in terms of stammering, repeated, pointless, and childish expressions of hatred. They no longer have any part in a faith that still holds them in abject and slavering thrall. It matters little that they think they have destroyed it.
**pp.171–172

=== ''La joie (Joy)'' 1929 ===
&lt;small&gt;''Joy'', translated by Louise Varese. London: The Catholic Book Club, 1949&lt;/small&gt;
*[T]here is nothing that God hates so much as a liar.
**Chantal de Clergerie, p. 26

*[Chantal to Fiodor:] &quot;It seems to me that evil is much less complicated than you would like to believe. Here or anywhere else there is only one sin.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;What sin?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;To tempt God,&quot; she said. &quot;And what's the use? I think you are really very stupid. God looks where He pleases. If He has not yet looked at you, what is the use of tempting Him?&quot;
**p.27

*God knows that we should not despise anything. We must do our best.
**Chantal, p. 28

*Once or twice, when she [Chantal] had adroitly avoided an opportunity of pleasing or winning admiration (for her shrewd wit and vivacity made her popular), she was astonished at his [Abbé Chevance's] disapproval. [She asked him why.] Blushing he had replied, &quot;I will tell you, my daughter. I used to try very hard to be admired, to be liked. That is the world!&quot; Then, with that profound finesse which no one had ever had the wit to recognize in the former priest of Costerel-sur-Meuse, he at once added, &quot;I had more to fear from the world than you have.&quot;
**pp.35–36

*If hell has no answer for the questioning dead, it is not because it refuses to answer (for rigorous, alas, in observance, is the imperishable fire), but it is because hell has nothing to say, will say nothing eternally.
**p.42

*She [Chantal] did not understand him [Fiodor]. She never could and never would understand him, being as invulnerable in her truthfulness as he in his falseness. And yet, she hated him unconsciously with a jealous hatred — for what other name, alas, could be given to that revolt of her pure conscience, so well armed and, at the same time, so defenceless? She hated him instinctively as though he already possessed the incomparable secret with which to menace her, to menace God Himself.
**pp.48–49

*Sadness came into the world with Satan — that world our Saviour never prayed for, the world you say I do not know. Oh, it is not so difficult to recognize: it is the world that prefers cold to warmth! What can God find to say to those who, of their own free will, of their own weight incline towards sadness and turn instinctively towards the night?
**Chantal to her father, Monsieur de Clergerie, p. 85

*Like all truly pure souls she [Chantal] quickly resigned herself to past faults, thought only of how to repair whatever harm they had done. &quot;Of all my daughters, you are certainly the least bothered by scruples of conscience,&quot; Abbé Chevance used to say.... Even sin, once the will is detached and no longer nourishes it, withers and dies sterile. It is in the secret of intentions, like in a decomposing humus, in the dark forest of future sins, unpardoned sins, half dead, half living, that new poisons are distilled.
**p.88

*Chantal's only ruse … was her shattering simplicity. While a weak man or an imposter is always more complicated than the problem he is trying to solve, and thinking to encompass his adversary, merely keeps prowling interminably around himself, the heroic nature will throw itself into the heart of the danger to turn it to its own use, just as captured artillery is turned about and aimed at the backs of the fleeing enemy.
**p.107

*I have just discovered something I have always known: we can no more escape from one another than we can escape from God.
**Chantal, p. 112

*She isn't very clever or very devout,... and she certainly empties the whole salt cellar into the stories she tells me. But I love her because she never lies.
**Chantal speaking of the cook, Madame Fernande, p. 119

*To you a pious young girl who goes to mass and communion, seems pretty silly and childish; you take us for innocents... Well, let me tell you, sometimes we know more about evil than people who have only learned to offend God.
**Chantal to Dr. La Pérouse, p. 187

*[A] good Christian does not care for miracles very much, because a miracle is God looking after His own affairs, and we prefer looking after them for Him.
**Chantal to Dr. La Pérouse, p. 188

*Only the present counts.
**Chantal to Dr. La Pérouse, p. 189

*[A]ll her life she [Chantal] had been carefully, heroically watching over mediocre beings who were hardly real, over things of no value.
**p.197

*Appearances are nothing.... And first of all they should not be feared, they are only dangerous to the weak.
**Abbé Cénabre to Chantal, p. 212

*[F]irst of all, be what you are.
**Abbé Cénabre to Chantal, p. 213

=== ''Les grands cimetieres sous la lune (A Diary of My Times)'' 1938 ===
&lt;small&gt;[Note by Pamela Morris, translator of the book into English: &quot;When the Spanish Civil War broke out Bernanos was living in [[w:Palma, Majorca|Palma, Majorca]]. It was in Majorca that Bernanos watched the civil war, or rather, since the island fell almost at once into the hands of the Fascists - watched terrorism eating its way into this community.&quot; , ''A Diary of My Times'', English translation, London 1938, p. 12&lt;/small&gt;

*I have done no passably decent job in this world which did not at first seem to me useless - absurdly useless, useless to the point of nausea. My secret demon is called :''What's the use?''
**p.17

*Optimism has always seemed to me the cunning alibi of egoists, anxious to cover up their state of chronic self-satisfaction. They are optimists in order to avoid pitying other men and their misfortune. ~~ Yet pity is a vexed question.
**p.38

*Money-crimes have an abstract quality. History is laden with the victims of gold, but their remains are odourless.
**p.35

*The population of Majorca has always been noted for its absolute indifference to politics. In the days of the ''Carlistes'' and the ''Cristinos'', [[w:George Sand|George Sand]] tells us how they welcomed with equal unconcern the refugees of either side. According to the head of the ''Phalange'', you could not have found a hundred Communists in the whole island. Where could the Party have got them from? It is a country of small market-gardening, of olives, oranges and almonds, without industry, without factories. I declare on oath that during the months preceding the civil war there was no attempt of any kind made against persons or belongings. 'There was killing in Spain,' you say. 'A hundred and thirty-five political assassinations between March and July 1936.' ''But in Majorca'' there were no crimes to avenge, so it could only have been a preventative action, the systematic extermination of suspects.
**p.86 [''Carlistes'' and ''Cristinos'' - followers of [[w:Infante Carlos, Count of Molina|Don Carlos]] - reactionary, and [[w:Maria Christina of the Two Sicilies|Maria Cristina]] - liberal - in the Spanish War of Succession in the 1830s].

*I saw a woman of thirty-five, living peacefully in the bosom of her family after an interrupted novitiate, show sudden signs of incomprehensible nervous terror, speak of possible 'reprisals', and refuse to go out alone. A very dear friend, took pity on her, offered her shelter. 'Come, child, what have you to fear? You're one of God's little lambs...' 'Harmless? That's all you know! Everybody thinks as you do, and nobody's frightened of me. Well - you can find out for yourself. I had eight men shot, madame...'
**p.87-88

*When marine officers called on me at Palma, they remarked on the clean roads, the punctual trams and so on. 'Why', they exclaimed, 'business as usual - and you say there's killing going on? what nonsense!' They didn't realise that any tradesman who closed down, closed down at his peril. They didn't know that the relatives of the executed were not allowed to go into mourning. How can you expect the outside appearance of a town to be affected, just because the staff of its prisons is double, treble, ten times, a hundred times what it was? The discreet slaughter of fifteen or twenty wretched people per day, will not prevent tramways from running to schedule, cafés from being full, or churches resounding with the ''[[w:Te Deum|Te Deum]]''.
**p.98

*A large number of suspects, both men and women, escaped martial law for lack of any shred of evidence against them on which a court-martial could convict. So they began setting them free in groups, according to their birth-place. But half-way, the car-load would be emptied into a ditch.
**p.105

*I know that the Crusaders of Majorca put to death, in a single night, all the prisoners who were huddled in the Catalonian trenches. They took the whole herd down to the shore and shot them, one beast at a time - they were quite leisurely about it. The Lord High [[w:José Miralles Sbert|Archbishop of Palma]] arranged to be represented at the ceremony, by a certain number of his priests. You can picture the scene can't you? 'Come on, father, isn't that one ready?' - 'Just a moment captain, I'm handing him over to you at once.' When the job was finished, the Crusaders piled their cattle in two heaps - those who'd been given [[w:absolution|absolution]] and those who hadn't- then sprinkled petrol over them. It is quite likely that this purification by fire may then have taken on, by reason of the presence of priests officiating a [[w:liturgy|liturgical]] significance. Unfortunately I only saw these blackened, shiny creatures two days after that, contorted by the flames, some of them counterfeiting obscene poses in death, which must have been very distressing for the ladies of Palma and for their eminent confessors. A reeking tar oozed out of them...
**p.153-154

*Everybody in Palma knew that my son was a lieutenant in the ''Phalange'', and I was often seen at mass. For months I had been friendly with insurgent leaders who were feared by all the suspects. And yet people I hardly knew spoke freely to me, when the slightest indiscretion on my part would have cost their liberty, or their lives. I'll tell you why it was. It was because it is still known in the world that a Frenchman doesn't let himself become a policeman's pawn - that's why. Because a Frenchman is a free man.
**p.109

*I shouldn't dream of wasting my time by picking holes in the attitude of the Italian prelates throughout the [[w:Second Italo-Abyssinian War|war for Ethiopia]]. Thanks to the mustard-gas sprinklers that are used in Australia for destroying rodents, Fascist aviation has been enabled to strip whole populations of hapless negroes of their skin, so that they lay rotting in heaps in front of their huts. It makes no difference to me if the Italian prelates affirm that a war like this seems chivalrous to them. I believe that I know what is chivalrous and what is not...
**p.131

*You don't wage civil war in kid gloves. The Spanish bishops know it so well that they have been obliged to refer to 'regrettable excesses' and 'inevitable abuses'. They seem to think that war is like ''[[w:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]]'', that it's a jolly respite, as it were, from social morality, and that men can give themselves up to being cruel just as gay sparks at carnival-time indulge in bottom-pinching! Once the illuminations go out, we must welcome the dear lad home with a smile that's both knowing and fatherly. 'Don't worry, my dear boy. We can none of us resist a little fun sometimes. Think no more about it.'  But, Your Excellencies, this is something more than a little fun!
**p.147

*You know, sometimes I imagine what any decent agnostic of average intelligence might say, if by some impossible chance one of those intolerable praters were to let him stand awhile in the pulpit, in his stead: 'Ladies and gentlemen,... I don't share all your beliefs, but I probably know more about the history of the church than you do, because I happen to have read it, and not many parishioners can say that. For though you're not interested in unbelievers, unbelievers are extremely interested in you..Yes, we were drawn to you. But now we've decided that you're not very interesting after all, and it's rather disappointing.....Because you do not live your faith, your faith has ceased to be a living thing.'
**p.196-207

*There is a well known and most profound saying of people wishing to induce sympathy in each other. 'Put yourself in his place,' they say. But it is easy only to put yourself in the place of your equals. At a certain point of inferiority, real or imaginary, this substitution is no longer possible....Young [[w:Vittorio Mussolini|Vittorio Mussolini]] has published a book on his Ethiopian campaign, of which I quote this extract: ''It was thrilling. A huge zariba, surrounded by tall trees, was very difficult to hit. I had to aim very carefully, and I only succeeded the third time. The poor devils inside jumped out when they saw their roof was on fire, and fled madly...surrounded by a ring of flames, four to five thousand Abyssinians died of suffocation. It was like hell itself. Smoke rising up to unbelievable heights, and flames turning the black sky red.'' Obviously Signor Vittorio Mussolini never dreamt of putting himself in the place of the Ethiopians!
**p.222-223

=== ''Monsieur Ouine'', 1943 ===&lt;!--http://www.ebooksgratuits.com/html/bernanos_ouine.html--&gt;
&lt;small&gt;''Monsieur Ouine'', translated by William S. Bush. Lincoln NE: University of Nebraska Press, 2000&lt;/small&gt; 
*A man given to vice is always an idealist.
**Dr. Malépine to Monsieur Arsène, the mayor of Fenouille, p. 61

*They are always talking about the fire of hell, but no one has ever seen it, my friends. For hell is cold. It used to be that the nights weren't long enough to wear out your malice, and you got up each morning with your breasts still full of poison. But now the devil himself has withdrawn from you. Ah, how alone we are in evil, my brothers! The poor human race dreams from century to century of breaking that solitude — but it's no use! The devil, who can do so many things, will never succeed in founding a Church, a Church that will put in common both the merits of hell and the sin of all. From now until the end of the world, the sinner will have to sin alone, always alone — for just as we die alone, so also do we sin alone. The devil, you see, is the friend who never stays with us to the end.
**The curé of Fenouille to his congregation, p. 171

*Hatred of the priest is one of man's profoundest instincts, as well as one of the least known. That it is as old as the race itself no one doubts, yet our age has raised it to an almost prodigious degree of refinement and excellence. With the decline or disappearance of other powers, the priest, even though appearing so intimately integrated into the life of society, has become a more singular and unclassifiable being than any of those old magicians the ancient world used to keep locked up like sacred animals in the depths of its temples, existing in the intimacy of the gods alone. Priests moreover are all the more singular and unclassifiable in that they do not recognize themselves as such and are nearly always dupes of the most gross outward appearances — whether of the irony of some or the servile deference of others. But that contradiction, by nature more political than religious and used far too long to nurture clerical pride, does, through the growing feeling of their loneliness and to the extent that it is gradually transformed into hostile indifference, throw them unarmed into the heart of social conflicts they naively pride themselves on being able to resolve by using texts. But, then, what does it matter? The hour is coming when, on the ruins of the old Christian order, a new order will be born that will indeed be an order of the world, the order of the [[Satan|Prince of this World]], of that prince whose kingdom is of this world. And the hard law of necessity, stronger than any illusions, will then remove the very object for clerical pride so long maintained simply by conventions outlasting any belief. And the footsteps of beggars shall cause the earth to tremble once again.
**pp.176–177

*''Aucune haine ne saurait s’assouvir en ce monde ni dans l’autre, et la haine qu’on se porte à soi-même est probablement celle entre toutes pour laquelle il n’est pas de pardon!''
**There's no hatred that can ever be satisfied either in this world or the next, and the hatred that one has for oneself is probably the one for which there is no forgiveness.
**The curé of Fenouille to the mayor, p. 208

*Rather than the obsession with impurity, you'd do better to fear the nostalgia for purity.
**The curé of Fenouille to Dr. Malépine, p. 213

*I can now see to the bottom of my own depths, there is nothing stopping my gaze, no obstacle is in the way. And there is nothing there.
**The dying Monsieur Ouine, p. 243

*[T]he cradle is shallower than the grave.
**p.244

== The Last essays, 1955 ==
* ''The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=_LEDaG86v08C&amp;pg=PA39&amp;lpg=PA39&amp;dq=%22The+first+sign+of+corruption+in+a+society+that+is+still+alive+is+that+the+end+justifies+the+means.%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=sVtEiuV2uj&amp;sig=ACfU3U0VJHzgPV_bXvaDIwTK36JmMfJ7ZQ&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwj_oP2ovY35AhVKmGoFHZ1mAg0Q6AF6BAgQEAM#v=onepage&amp;q=%22The%20first%20sign%20of%20corruption%20in%20a%20society%20that%20is%20still%20alive%20is%20that%20the%20end%20justifies%20the%20means.%22&amp;f=false]

== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}

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[[Category:French essayists]]
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'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146027</id>
      <parentid>3146024</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T18:20:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>3123872</id>
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'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]''
:'''Jessie''': No!
:''[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]''
:'''Buzz''': Glad I could catch the train!
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch some criminals!
:'''Buzz''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]''
:'''Aliens''': ''[pointing at the sky]'' Ooh!
:''[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]''
:'''Woody''': Reach for the sky!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
:''[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]''
:'''Woody''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
:'''Jessie''': Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
:''[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]''
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Buzz''': ''[a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop]'' Evil Dr. Porkchop!
:'''Hamm''': That's ''Mr.'' Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
:''[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, &quot;Death by Monkeys,&quot; trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]''
:'''Young Andy''': ''[as Woody]'' Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge! ''[as Buzz]'' Woody, no! It'll kill you! ''[as Woody]'' Just do it!
:''[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146037</id>
      <parentid>3146027</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T18:33:25Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17430" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:''[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[cackling]'' Money, money, money! ''[lassoes a rope to grab the arms]'' Hey!
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''
:'''Jessie''': Oh, no!
:'''Woody''': The orphans!
:''[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!
:''[three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]''
:'''Aliens''': Ooh!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!
:''[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]''
:'''Woody''': Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]''
:'''Jessie''': No!
:''[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]''
:'''Buzz''': Glad I could catch the train!
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch some criminals!
:'''Buzz''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]''
:'''Aliens''': ''[pointing at the sky]'' Ooh!
:''[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]''
:'''Woody''': Reach for the sky!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
:''[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]''
:'''Woody''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
:'''Jessie''': Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
:''[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]''
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Buzz''': ''[a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop]'' Evil Dr. Porkchop!
:'''Hamm''': That's ''Mr.'' Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
:''[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, &quot;Death by Monkeys,&quot; trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]''
:'''Young Andy''': ''[as Woody]'' Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge! ''[as Buzz]'' Woody, no! It'll kill you! ''[as Woody]'' Just do it!
:''[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarge''': ''[Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes]'' We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.
:'''Paratrooper #1''': Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
:'''Buzz''': Trash bags?
:'''Woody''': Who said anything about trash bags?
:'''Sarge''': It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
:'''Paratrooper #2''': You're gonna need it!
:''[they jump out]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotso''': Ken? New toys!
:'''Ken''': Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso. ''[goes down the elevator]'' So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?
:'''Lotso''': Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!
:'''Ken''': Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way... ''[sees Barbie]'' Hi, I'm Ken.
:'''Barbie''': Barbie. Have we ever met?
:'''Ken''': I would have remembered. ''[Barbie laughs]'' Love your leg wamers!
:'''Barbie''': Nice ascot!
:'''Lotso''': Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.
:'''Ken''': Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.
:'''Lotso''': Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.
:'''Buzz''': What a nice bear!
:'''Rex''': And he smells like strawberries.
:'''Woody''': Ugh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz is back to Normal and no longer Speaking Spanish]''
:'''Buzz''': That wasn't me, was it?
:'''Jessie''': Buzz, you're back!
:'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?
:'''Woody''': Beyond infinity, Space Ranger.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:''[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[cackling]'' Money, money, money! ''[lassoes a rope to grab the arms]'' Hey!
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''
:'''Jessie''': Oh, no!
:'''Woody''': The orphans!
:''[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!
:''[three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]''
:'''Aliens''': Ooh!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!
:''[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]''
:'''Woody''': Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]''
:'''Jessie''': No!
:''[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]''
:'''Buzz''': Glad I could catch the train!
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch some criminals!
:'''Buzz''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]''
:'''Aliens''': ''[pointing at the sky]'' Ooh!
:''[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]''
:'''Woody''': Reach for the sky!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
:''[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]''
:'''Woody''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
:'''Jessie''': Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
:''[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]''
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Buzz''': ''[a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop]'' Evil Dr. Porkchop!
:'''Hamm''': That's ''Mr.'' Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
:''[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, &quot;Death by Monkeys,&quot; trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]''
:'''Young Andy''': ''[as Woody]'' Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge! ''[as Buzz]'' Woody, no! It'll kill you! ''[as Woody]'' Just do it!
:''[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarge''': ''[Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes]'' We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.
:'''Paratrooper #1''': Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
:'''Buzz''': Trash bags?
:'''Woody''': Who said anything about trash bags?
:'''Sarge''': It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
:'''Paratrooper #2''': You're gonna need it!
:''[they jump out]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotso''': Ken? New toys!
:'''Ken''': Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso. ''[goes down the elevator]'' So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?
:'''Lotso''': Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!
:'''Ken''': Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way... ''[sees Barbie]'' Hi, I'm Ken.
:'''Barbie''': Barbie. Have we ever met?
:'''Ken''': I would have remembered. ''[Barbie laughs]'' Love your leg wamers!
:'''Barbie''': Nice ascot!
:'''Lotso''': Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.
:'''Ken''': Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.
:'''Lotso''': Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.
:'''Buzz''': What a nice bear!
:'''Rex''': And he smells like strawberries.
:'''Woody''': Ugh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz is back to Normal and no longer Speaking Spanish]''
:'''Buzz''': That wasn't me, was it?
:'''Jessie''': Buzz, you're back!
:'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?
:'''Woody''': Beyond infinity, Space Ranger.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[w:Erik von Detten|Erik von Detten]] as Sid
* [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Janitor
* Woody Smith as Big Baby

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:''[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[cackling]'' Money, money, money! ''[lassoes a rope to grab the arms]'' Hey!
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''
:'''Jessie''': Oh, no!
:'''Woody''': The orphans!
:''[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!
:''[three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]''
:'''Aliens''': Ooh!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!
:''[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]''
:'''Woody''': Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]''
:'''Jessie''': No!
:''[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]''
:'''Buzz''': Glad I could catch the train!
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch some criminals!
:'''Buzz''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]''
:'''Aliens''': ''[pointing at the sky]'' Ooh!
:''[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]''
:'''Woody''': Reach for the sky!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
:''[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]''
:'''Woody''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
:'''Jessie''': Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
:''[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]''
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Buzz''': ''[a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop]'' Evil Dr. Porkchop!
:'''Hamm''': That's ''Mr.'' Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
:''[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, &quot;Death by Monkeys,&quot; trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]''
:'''Young Andy''': ''[as Woody]'' Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge! ''[as Buzz]'' Woody, no! It'll kill you! ''[as Woody]'' Just do it!
:''[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarge''': ''[Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes]'' We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.
:'''Paratrooper #1''': Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
:'''Buzz''': Trash bags?
:'''Woody''': Who said anything about trash bags?
:'''Sarge''': It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
:'''Paratrooper #2''': You're gonna need it!
:''[they jump out]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotso''': Ken? New toys!
:'''Ken''': Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso. ''[goes down the elevator]'' So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?
:'''Lotso''': Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!
:'''Ken''': Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way... ''[sees Barbie]'' Hi, I'm Ken.
:'''Barbie''': Barbie. Have we ever met?
:'''Ken''': I would have remembered. ''[Barbie laughs]'' Love your leg wamers!
:'''Barbie''': Nice ascot!
:'''Lotso''': Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.
:'''Ken''': Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.
:'''Lotso''': Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.
:'''Buzz''': What a nice bear!
:'''Rex''': And he smells like strawberries.
:'''Woody''': Ugh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz''': Lotso, there's been a mistake.
:'''Lotso''': A mistake?
:'''Buzz''': The children in the Caterpillar Room are not age-appropriate for me and my friends. We respectfully request a transfer to the Butterfly Room.
:'''Lotso''': Well, request granted!
:'''Ken''': But Lotso...
:'''Lotso''': Hush now, Kenneth. This toy showed initiative, leadership. Why I'd say, we have ourselves a keeper. You hear that? We got a keeper!
:''[Lotso's gang cheers in delight]''
:'''Lotso''': We're calling you up to the big leagues, son. From now on, you'll have anything you want.
:'''Buzz''': Excellent. I'll go get my friends.
:'''Lotso''': Whoa, Whoa. Hold on there, Boss man. Those Caterpillar kids need ''someone'' to play with.
:'''Buzz''': But my friends don't belong there.
:'''Lotso''': Oh, none of us do, I agree. Which is why, for the good of our community, we ask the newer toys, the stronger ones, to take one the hardships the rest of us can't bear anymore.
:'''Buzz''': Well, I... I guess that makes sense. But I can't accept. We're a family. We stay together.
:'''Lotso''': ''[icily]'' Family man, huh? I understand. ''[to Big Baby]'' Put him back in the timeout chair!
:'''Buzz''': What are you... Unhand me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz is back to Normal and no longer Speaking Spanish]''
:'''Buzz''': That wasn't me, was it?
:'''Jessie''': Buzz, you're back!
:'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?
:'''Woody''': Beyond infinity, Space Ranger.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[w:Erik von Detten|Erik von Detten]] as Sid
* [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Janitor
* Woody Smith as Big Baby

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146051</id>
      <parentid>3146048</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T19:00:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
        <id>3123872</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="20143" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:''[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[cackling]'' Money, money, money! ''[lassoes a rope to grab the arms]'' Hey!
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''
:'''Jessie''': Oh, no!
:'''Woody''': The orphans!
:''[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!
:''[three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]''
:'''Aliens''': Ooh!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!
:''[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]''
:'''Woody''': Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]''
:'''Jessie''': No!
:''[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]''
:'''Buzz''': Glad I could catch the train!
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch some criminals!
:'''Buzz''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]''
:'''Aliens''': ''[pointing at the sky]'' Ooh!
:''[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]''
:'''Woody''': Reach for the sky!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
:''[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]''
:'''Woody''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
:'''Jessie''': Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
:''[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]''
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Buzz''': ''[a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop]'' Evil Dr. Porkchop!
:'''Hamm''': That's ''Mr.'' Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
:''[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, &quot;Death by Monkeys,&quot; trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]''
:'''Young Andy''': ''[as Woody]'' Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge! ''[as Buzz]'' Woody, no! It'll kill you! ''[as Woody]'' Just do it!
:''[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarge''': ''[Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes]'' We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.
:'''Paratrooper #1''': Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
:'''Buzz''': Trash bags?
:'''Woody''': Who said anything about trash bags?
:'''Sarge''': It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
:'''Paratrooper #2''': You're gonna need it!
:''[they jump out]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotso''': Ken? New toys!
:'''Ken''': Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso. ''[goes down the elevator]'' So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?
:'''Lotso''': Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!
:'''Ken''': Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way... ''[sees Barbie]'' Hi, I'm Ken.
:'''Barbie''': Barbie. Have we ever met?
:'''Ken''': I would have remembered. ''[Barbie laughs]'' Love your leg wamers!
:'''Barbie''': Nice ascot!
:'''Lotso''': Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.
:'''Ken''': Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.
:'''Lotso''': Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.
:'''Buzz''': What a nice bear!
:'''Rex''': And he smells like strawberries.
:'''Woody''': Ugh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rex''': Mr. Lotso, do toys here get played with every day?
:'''Lotso''': All day long! Five days a week.
:'''Jessie''': But what happens when the kids grow up?
:'''Lotso''': Well now, I'll tell you.
:''[Lotso walks over to a wall with class photos from past years]''
:'''Lotso''': When the kids get old, new ones come in. When they get old, new ones replace them. You'll never be outgrown, or neglected. Never abandoned or forgotten. No owners means - no heartbreak!
:'''Jessie''': Yee-haw!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': It's a miracle!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': And you wanted us to stay at Andy's!
:'''Woody''': Because we're Andy's toys!
:'''Lotso''': ''[walks over]'' So you got donated by this &quot;Andy&quot;, huh? Well it's his loss, Sheriff. He can't hurt you no more.
:'''Woody''': Whoa! Whoa, whoa whoa...
:'''Lotso''': Now let's get you settled in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz''': Lotso, there's been a mistake.
:'''Lotso''': A mistake?
:'''Buzz''': The children in the Caterpillar Room are not age-appropriate for me and my friends. We respectfully request a transfer to the Butterfly Room.
:'''Lotso''': Well, request granted!
:'''Ken''': But Lotso...
:'''Lotso''': Hush now, Kenneth. This toy showed initiative, leadership. Why I'd say, we have ourselves a keeper. You hear that? We got a keeper!
:''[Lotso's gang cheers in delight]''
:'''Lotso''': We're calling you up to the big leagues, son. From now on, you'll have anything you want.
:'''Buzz''': Excellent. I'll go get my friends.
:'''Lotso''': Whoa, Whoa. Hold on there, Boss man. Those Caterpillar kids need ''someone'' to play with.
:'''Buzz''': But my friends don't belong there.
:'''Lotso''': Oh, none of us do, I agree. Which is why, for the good of our community, we ask the newer toys, the stronger ones, to take one the hardships the rest of us can't bear anymore.
:'''Buzz''': Well, I... I guess that makes sense. But I can't accept. We're a family. We stay together.
:'''Lotso''': ''[icily]'' Family man, huh? I understand. ''[to Big Baby]'' Put him back in the timeout chair!
:'''Buzz''': What are you... Unhand me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz is back to Normal and no longer Speaking Spanish]''
:'''Buzz''': That wasn't me, was it?
:'''Jessie''': Buzz, you're back!
:'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?
:'''Woody''': Beyond infinity, Space Ranger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso sneaks with a garbage. Suddenly, a garbage truck approaching and Jerome the garbage man picks up Lotso]''
:'''Jerome''': Hey!
:'''Man''': What you got?
:'''Jerome''': I had me one of these when I was a kid. [sniffs] Strawberries.
:''[Lotso has been found by some garbage men, and tied to the front of their vehicle along with some other toys, where they get splattered by the garbage]''
:'''Frog''': Hey buddy, you might wanna keep your mouth shut.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[w:Erik von Detten|Erik von Detten]] as Sid
* [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Janitor
* Woody Smith as Big Baby

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
      <sha1>kkjca3e5pxrw8goiakbcgzi1st9stfx</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146052</id>
      <parentid>3146051</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T19:01:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Franciswhicker1996</username>
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      <text bytes="20147" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:''[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[cackling]'' Money, money, money! ''[lassoes a rope to grab the arms]'' Hey!
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''
:'''Jessie''': Oh, no!
:'''Woody''': The orphans!
:''[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!
:''[three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]''
:'''Aliens''': Ooh!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!
:''[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]''
:'''Woody''': Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]''
:'''Jessie''': No!
:''[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]''
:'''Buzz''': Glad I could catch the train!
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch some criminals!
:'''Buzz''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]''
:'''Aliens''': ''[pointing at the sky]'' Ooh!
:''[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]''
:'''Woody''': Reach for the sky!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
:''[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]''
:'''Woody''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
:'''Jessie''': Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
:''[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]''
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Buzz''': ''[a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop]'' Evil Dr. Porkchop!
:'''Hamm''': That's ''Mr.'' Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
:''[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, &quot;Death by Monkeys,&quot; trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]''
:'''Young Andy''': ''[as Woody]'' Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge! ''[as Buzz]'' Woody, no! It'll kill you! ''[as Woody]'' Just do it!
:''[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarge''': ''[Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes]'' We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.
:'''Paratrooper #1''': Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
:'''Buzz''': Trash bags?
:'''Woody''': Who said anything about trash bags?
:'''Sarge''': It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
:'''Paratrooper #2''': You're gonna need it!
:''[they jump out]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotso''': Ken? New toys!
:'''Ken''': Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso. ''[goes down the elevator]'' So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?
:'''Lotso''': Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!
:'''Ken''': Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way... ''[sees Barbie]'' Hi, I'm Ken.
:'''Barbie''': Barbie. Have we ever met?
:'''Ken''': I would have remembered. ''[Barbie laughs]'' Love your leg wamers!
:'''Barbie''': Nice ascot!
:'''Lotso''': Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.
:'''Ken''': Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.
:'''Lotso''': Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.
:'''Buzz''': What a nice bear!
:'''Rex''': And he smells like strawberries.
:'''Woody''': Ugh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rex''': Mr. Lotso, do toys here get played with every day?
:'''Lotso''': All day long! Five days a week.
:'''Jessie''': But what happens when the kids grow up?
:'''Lotso''': Well now, I'll tell you.
:''[Lotso walks over to a wall with class photos from past years]''
:'''Lotso''': When the kids get old, new ones come in. When they get old, new ones replace them. You'll never be outgrown, or neglected. Never abandoned or forgotten. No owners means - no heartbreak!
:'''Jessie''': Yee-haw!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': It's a miracle!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': And you wanted us to stay at Andy's!
:'''Woody''': Because we're Andy's toys!
:'''Lotso''': ''[walks over]'' So you got donated by this &quot;Andy&quot;, huh? Well it's his loss, Sheriff. He can't hurt you no more.
:'''Woody''': Whoa! Whoa, whoa whoa...
:'''Lotso''': Now let's get you settled in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz''': Lotso, there's been a mistake.
:'''Lotso''': A mistake?
:'''Buzz''': The children in the Caterpillar Room are not age-appropriate for me and my friends. We respectfully request a transfer to the Butterfly Room.
:'''Lotso''': Well, request granted!
:'''Ken''': But Lotso...
:'''Lotso''': Hush now, Kenneth. This toy showed initiative, leadership. Why I'd say, we have ourselves a keeper. You hear that? We got a keeper!
:''[Lotso's gang cheers in delight]''
:'''Lotso''': We're calling you up to the big leagues, son. From now on, you'll have anything you want.
:'''Buzz''': Excellent. I'll go get my friends.
:'''Lotso''': Whoa, Whoa. Hold on there, Boss man. Those Caterpillar kids need ''someone'' to play with.
:'''Buzz''': But my friends don't belong there.
:'''Lotso''': Oh, none of us do, I agree. Which is why, for the good of our community, we ask the newer toys, the stronger ones, to take one the hardships the rest of us can't bear anymore.
:'''Buzz''': Well, I... I guess that makes sense. But I can't accept. We're a family. We stay together.
:'''Lotso''': ''[icily]'' Family man, huh? I understand. ''[to Big Baby]'' Put him back in the timeout chair!
:'''Buzz''': What are you... Unhand me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz is back to Normal and no longer Speaking Spanish]''
:'''Buzz''': That wasn't me, was it?
:'''Jessie''': Buzz, you're back!
:'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?
:'''Woody''': Beyond infinity, Space Ranger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso sneaks with a garbage. Suddenly, a garbage truck approaching and Jerome the garbage man picks up Lotso]''
:'''Jerome''': Hey!
:'''Man''': What you got?
:'''Jerome''': I had me one of these when I was a kid. ''[sniffs]'' Strawberries.
:''[Lotso has been found by some garbage men, and tied to the front of their vehicle along with some other toys, where they get splattered by the garbage]''
:'''Frog''': Hey buddy, you might wanna keep your mouth shut.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[w:Erik von Detten|Erik von Detten]] as Sid
* [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Janitor
* Woody Smith as Big Baby

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, hallways, even the playground. You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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'''''[[w: Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]''''' is a 2010 animated film. It is about the toys making their way to a daycare center while Andy is about to go to college, and is the third film of the ''Toy Story'' series.

:''Directed by [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Produced by [[w:Darla K. Anderson|Darla K. Anderson]]. Screenplay by [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]. Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]''.

== Andy ==
*''[sees Woody in pile of toys he will give away to Bonnie]'' Now Woody... he's been my pal as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be, and kind and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special is that he'll never give up on you. Ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what. You think you can take care of him for me? ''[Bonnie nods]'' Okay. ''[gives Woody to Bonnie, who smiles and hugs Woody]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:''[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[cackling]'' Money, money, money! ''[lassoes a rope to grab the arms]'' Hey!
:''[Woody intercepts One-Eyed Bart on the train]''
:'''Woody''': ''[approaches One Eyed Bart and puts his boot on his face]'' You got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Too bad, sheriff. I'm a married man.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps and sees Mrs. Potato Head aka One Eyed Betty]'' One Eyed Betty?
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': Hyah! HA! ''[starts swinging her purse at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': ''[starts backing up to the end of the train then almost falls]'' Whoa!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': HYAH! ''[knocks Woody off]''
:'''Woody''': ''[screams]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[laughs evilly then frowns]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[riding Bullseye with Woody]'' I think you dropped something, mister!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Jessie?
:'''Woody''': Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I've always wanted to go out with a bang! ''[holds a switch to arm a bomb on the tracks]''
:'''Jessie''': Oh, no!
:'''Woody''': The orphans!
:''[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!
:''[three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]''
:'''Aliens''': Ooh!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!
:''[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]''
:'''Woody''': Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]''
:'''Jessie''': No!
:''[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]''
:'''Buzz''': Glad I could catch the train!
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch some criminals!
:'''Buzz''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]''
:'''Aliens''': ''[pointing at the sky]'' Ooh!
:''[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]''
:'''Woody''': Reach for the sky!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
:''[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]''
:'''Woody''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
:'''Jessie''': Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
:''[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]''
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Buzz''': ''[a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop]'' Evil Dr. Porkchop!
:'''Hamm''': That's ''Mr.'' Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
:''[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, &quot;Death by Monkeys,&quot; trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]''
:'''Young Andy''': ''[as Woody]'' Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge! ''[as Buzz]'' Woody, no! It'll kill you! ''[as Woody]'' Just do it!
:''[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarge''': ''[Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes]'' We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.
:'''Paratrooper #1''': Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
:'''Buzz''': Trash bags?
:'''Woody''': Who said anything about trash bags?
:'''Sarge''': It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
:'''Paratrooper #2''': You're gonna need it!
:''[they jump out]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the toys are on their way to Sunnyside Daycare while Barbie is in tears]''
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''' Oh, it's all right, Barbie. You'll be okay.
:'''Barbie''' Well, Molly and I have been growing apart for years, it's just... I can't believe she would throw me away!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Welcome to the club, toots.
:'''Woody''': Okay, guys. We can make it back to Andy's, but we gotta move fast. We'll hide under the seats until we get back home.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get it through your vinyl noggin, Woody! Andy doesn't want us anymore.
:'''Woody''': He was putting you IN THE ATTIC!
:'''Jessie''': He left us on the curb!
:'''Buzz''': All right, calm down! Both of you!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Fine. Fine. Just wait'll you see what daycare's like.
:'''Rex''': Why? What's it like?
:'''Woody''': Daycare is a sad, lonely place for washed up old toys who have no owners.
:''[Barbie wails]''
:'''Hamm''': Quite the charmer, aren't ya?
:'''Woody''': Oh, you'll see. As soon as we get to day care, you'll be beggin' to go home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotso''': Ken? New toys!
:'''Ken''': Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso. ''[goes down the elevator]'' So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?
:'''Lotso''': Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!
:'''Ken''': Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way... ''[sees Barbie]'' Hi, I'm Ken.
:'''Barbie''': Barbie. Have we ever met?
:'''Ken''': I would have remembered. ''[Barbie laughs]'' Love your leg wamers!
:'''Barbie''': Nice ascot!
:'''Lotso''': Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.
:'''Ken''': Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.
:'''Lotso''': Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.
:'''Buzz''': What a nice bear!
:'''Rex''': And he smells like strawberries.
:'''Woody''': Ugh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rex''': Mr. Lotso, do toys here get played with every day?
:'''Lotso''': All day long! Five days a week.
:'''Jessie''': But what happens when the kids grow up?
:'''Lotso''': Well now, I'll tell you.
:''[Lotso walks over to a wall with class photos from past years]''
:'''Lotso''': When the kids get old, new ones come in. When they get old, new ones replace them. You'll never be outgrown, or neglected. Never abandoned or forgotten. No owners means - no heartbreak!
:'''Jessie''': Yee-haw!
:'''Mrs. Potato Head''': It's a miracle!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': And you wanted us to stay at Andy's!
:'''Woody''': Because we're Andy's toys!
:'''Lotso''': ''[walks over]'' So you got donated by this &quot;Andy&quot;, huh? Well it's his loss, Sheriff. He can't hurt you no more.
:'''Woody''': Whoa! Whoa, whoa whoa...
:'''Lotso''': Now let's get you settled in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in Bonnie's room]''
:'''Woody''': Look, I just need to get out of here...
:'''Buttercup''': ''[dramatically]'' There is no way out!
:''[Woody stares at him in horror]''
:'''Buttercup''': Just kidding. Door's right over there.
:''[he points]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso's gang hangs out inside a vending machine]''
:'''Ken''': Hey, what do you guys think of the new recruits? Any keepers?
:'''Stretch''': Oh, please. Landfill? ''[laughs]''
:'''Ken''': Cowgirl? Dinosaur?
:'''Twitch''': Toddler fodder.
:'''Ken''': What about that space guy? He could be useful.
:'''Chunk''': He ain't the sharpest knife in the place where they keep the knives.
:'''Sparks''': Neither are you, Chunk. ''[they all laugh again]''
:'''Twitch''': You got a little keeper yourself, didn't ya, Ken?
:'''Ken''': Hey, lay off, Twitch. Barbie's different.
:'''Stretch''': Aww, Mr. Softy over here.
:'''Chunk''': What do you expect from a girl's toy?
:'''Ken''': I'm not a girl's toy! I'm not! Why do you guys keep saying that?
:'''Twitch''': Ah, all them toys are disposable. We'll be lucky if they last us a week.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buzz''': Lotso, there's been a mistake.
:'''Lotso''': A mistake?
:'''Buzz''': The children in the Caterpillar Room are not age-appropriate for me and my friends. We respectfully request a transfer to the Butterfly Room.
:'''Lotso''': Well, request granted!
:'''Ken''': But Lotso...
:'''Lotso''': Hush now, Kenneth. This toy showed initiative, leadership. Why I'd say, we have ourselves a keeper. You hear that? We got a keeper!
:''[Lotso's gang cheers in delight]''
:'''Lotso''': We're calling you up to the big leagues, son. From now on, you'll have anything you want.
:'''Buzz''': Excellent. I'll go get my friends.
:'''Lotso''': Whoa, Whoa. Hold on there, Boss man. Those Caterpillar kids need ''someone'' to play with.
:'''Buzz''': But my friends don't belong there.
:'''Lotso''': Oh, none of us do, I agree. Which is why, for the good of our community, we ask the newer toys, the stronger ones, to take one the hardships the rest of us can't bear anymore.
:'''Buzz''': Well, I... I guess that makes sense. But I can't accept. We're a family. We stay together.
:'''Lotso''': ''[icily]'' Family man, huh? I understand. ''[to Big Baby]'' Put him back in the timeout chair!
:'''Buzz''': What are you... Unhand me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chuckles explains his story about Lotso to Woody]''
:'''Chuckles''': Yeah, I knew Lotso. He was a good toy, a friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Daisy. I was there when Lotso got unwrapped. Daisy loved us all. But Lotso was special. They did everything together. You've never seen a kid and a toy more in love. One day we took a drive. Hit a rest stop. Had a little playtime. After lunch, Daisy fell asleep. She never came back. Lotso wouldn't give up. It took forever but we finally made it back to Daisy's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside Lotso. Something snapped. ''[remembers flashback]''
::'''Lotso''': She replaced us. Come on.
::'''Chuckles''': No. She only replaced you.
::'''Lotso''': ''[turns to Chuckles threateningly]'' She replaced ''all'' of us! Didn't she?! ''[grabs Big Baby as he tries to get to the window]'' She don't love you no more! ''[rips off Big Baby's name tag and throws it]'' Now, come on!
:'''Chuckles''': ''[narrates]'' We were lost. Cast off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. ''[back to the present]'' He wasn't ''anyone's'' friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.
:'''Woody''': So how'd you get out?
:'''Chuckles''': I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys, they don't stand a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Chatter Telephone rings; Woody picks up his receiver]''
:'''Woody''': Hello?
:'''[[w:List of Toy Story characters#Chatter Telephone|Chatter Telephone]]''': You shouldn't have come back, cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left – more guards, more patrols... You and your friends ain't ever gettin' out of here now.
:'''Woody''': I made it out once.
:'''Telephone''': You got ''lucky'' once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down. You'll survive.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, for how long?
:'''Telephone''': I've been here years; they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place. ''[Both see the janitor dropping a broken toy train down the trash chute]'' Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.
:'''Woody''': Look, I appreciate your concern, old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.
:'''Telephone''': ''[sighs]'' Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.
:'''Woody''': Got it. What else?
:'''Telephone''': Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...
:'''Woody''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?
:'''Telephone''': Eight feet high, cinder block – no way through it. You go over, or under.
:'''Woody''': That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.
:'''Telephone''': It's not. Your ''real'' problem's the Monkey. ''[The Monkey sits on the desk]'' The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, ''[The Monkey screeches and presses the PA button]'' hallways, ''[The Monkey sees the penguin and screeches, and hits the PA button]'' even the playground. ''[The Monkey sees the toys and screeches]'' You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall – but if you don't take out that Monkey, you ain't goin' nowhere. You wanna get outta here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator]'' Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño. ''[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to Rex]'' Now what did you do?
:'''Rex''': I just did what you told me!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo? ''[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or enemy?]''
:''[aims his laser at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ''[turns off laser and is suddenly friendly]'' Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria. ''[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased; visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]'' ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial? ''[Anybody seen my spaceship?]'' 
:'''Woody''': ''[dumbstruck]'' We gotta switch him back.
:'''Slinky''': Well how do we do that?
:'''Hamm''': ''[looking at the manual]'' I don't know, that part's in Spanish!
:'''Woody''': Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!
:''[They all start running]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Exelente! ''[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]''
:'''Telephone''': Good luck, cowboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡Venga conmigo, señorita! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg! ''[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]''
:'''Jessie''': ''[Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him]'' Woody! Thank goodness!
:'''Woody''': C'mon! We're almost there!
:''[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]''
:'''Spanish Buzz''': ¡El Vaquero! ''[The Cowboy!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso and his gang are about to push Woody and his friends into the dumpster; all the while the garbage truck is halfway there]''
:'''Lotso''': I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. ''[turns away and starts to walk off]''
:'''Woody''': Wait! What about Daisy?
:'''Lotso''': ''[stops with an angry look behind]'' I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Woody''': Daisy? You used to do everything with her?
:'''Lotso''': Yeah. Then she threw us out.
:'''Woody''': No. She ''lost'' you!
:'''Lotso''': She replaced us!
:'''Woody''': She replaced ''you''! And if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby, and you've been lyin' ever since! ''[holds up Big Baby's &quot;Daisy&quot; nametag]''
:'''Lotso''': ''[sees the nametag and is stunned with anger]'' Where'd you get that?
:'''Woody''': She loved you, Lotso.
:'''Lotso''': She never loved me!
:'''Woody''': As much as any kid ever loved a toy. ''[tosses the tag across the dumpster; Big Baby picks it up]''
:'''Big Baby''': Mama...
:'''Lotso''': ''[snatches the tag]'' What?! You want your mommy back? She never loved you! Don't be such a baby! ''[crushes it with his cane]'' Push 'em in! All of 'em! ''[Stretch hesitantly starts to push Woody and his friends in the dumpster]'' This is what happens when you dummies try to think! We're all just trash, waitin' to be thrown away! That's all a toy is. ''[Big Baby suddenly lifts him up; his cane drops out of his paws]'' Hey! Stop it! Put me down you idiot! ''[Big Baby throws him into the dumpster]'' No! Wait a minute! Big Baby, wait! ''[Big Baby slams the lid]''
:'''Rex''': He's gone!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Holy cow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz is back to Normal and no longer Speaking Spanish]''
:'''Buzz''': That wasn't me, was it?
:'''Jessie''': Buzz, you're back!
:'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?
:'''Woody''': Beyond infinity, Space Ranger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lotso sneaks with a garbage. Suddenly, a garbage truck approaching and Jerome the garbage man picks up Lotso]''
:'''Jerome''': Hey!
:'''Man''': What you got?
:'''Jerome''': I had me one of these when I was a kid. ''[sniffs]'' Strawberries.
:''[Lotso has been found by some garbage men, and tied to the front of their vehicle along with some other toys, where they get splattered by the garbage]''
:'''Frog''': Hey buddy, you might wanna keep your mouth shut.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody
* [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear
* [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie
* [[w:Ned Beatty|Ned Beatty]] as Lots-O'-Huggin' Bear
* [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head
* [[Michael Keaton]] as Ken
* [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm
* [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark]] as Slinky Dog
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head
* [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Barbie
* [[w:Emily Hahn (actress)|Emily Hahn]] as Bonnie
* [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Mrs. Davis
* [[w:Teddy Newton|Teddy Newton]] as Chatter Telephone
* [[w:Bud Luckey|Bud Luckey]] as Chuckles
* [[w:Beatrice Miller|Beatrice Miller]] as Molly
* [[w:Javier Fernandez-Peña|Javier Fernandez-Peña]] as Spanish Buzz
* [[Timothy Dalton]] as Mr. Pricklepants
* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as Bonnie's Mom
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] as Trixie
* [[w:Jeff Garlin|Jeff Garlin]] as Buttercup
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Dolly
* [[w:John Cygan|John Cygan]] as Twitch
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Aliens
* [[Whoopi Goldberg]] as Stretch
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Chunk
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge
* [[w:Erik von Detten|Erik von Detten]] as Sid
* [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Janitor
* Woody Smith as Big Baby

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Journalism</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Zgystardst</username>
        <id>29045</id>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */  add one.</comment>
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      <text bytes="98818" xml:space="preserve">[[File:2 Fillettes vendant des journaux, Wilmington (Delaware), mai 1910.jpg|thumb|2 newsgirls deliver newspapers in [[w:Wilmington, Delaware|Wilmington, Delaware]] (May 1910)]]
'''[[w:Journalism|Journalism]]''' is the discipline of gathering, writing and reporting [[w:News|news]], and broadly it includes the process of editing and presenting the news articles. Journalism applies to various media, but is not limited to newspapers, magazines, radio, and television. While under pressure to be the first to publish its stories, each news media organization adheres to its own standards of accuracy, quality, and style — usually [[w:Editing|editing]] and [[w:Proofreading|proofreading]] its reports prior to publication. Many news organizations claim proud traditions of holding government officials and institutions accountable to the public, while media critics have raised questions on the accountability of the press. The word ''journalism'' is taken from the French ''journal'' which in turn comes from the Latin  ''diurnal'' or daily.  The ''Acta Diurna'', a handwritten bulletin, was put up daily in the Forum, the main public square in ancient Rome, and was the world's first newspaper.
[[File:Julian Assange in Ecuadorian Embassy cropped.jpg|thumb|You have to start with the truth. The truth is the only way that we can get anywhere. Because any decision-making that is based upon lies or ignorance can't lead to a good conclusion. ~[[Julian Assange]]]]
[[File:Amy Goodman — Keynote, National Conference for Media Reform 2013 (8626124929).jpg|thumb|Going to where the silence is. That is the responsibility of a journalist: giving a voice to those who have been forgotten, forsaken, and beaten down by the powerful.  ~[[Amy Goodman]]]]
[[File:John Pilger in August 2011.jpg|thumb|Many journalists now are no more than channelers and echoers of what [[George Orwell]] called the 'official truth'. They simply cipher and transmit lies... In this age of endless imperial war, the lives of countless men, women and children depend on the truth or their blood is on us... Those whose job it is to keep the record straight ought to be the voice of people, not power.  ~[[John Pilger]]]]
== Quotes ==
&lt;!-- alphabetical by author --&gt;
*[[Julian Assange|Julian]] exposed another set of wars...what do you say to people like [[Chelsea Manning]] and Julian, who’s the principal target of the legal and judicial brutalities taking place, when they reveal stuff, which everyone knows it’s true, since some of it is on video — Americans bombing Iraqi families, totally innocent... laughing about it and are recorded killing them? That’s a big joke. Well, it isn’t a big joke for the millions who have died in the Arab world since these 20 years of war began. And Julian, far from being indicted, should actually be a hero... He should never have been kept in prison for bail. He should not be in prison now awaiting a trial for extradition. He should be released. 
**[[Tariq Ali]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2021/10/25/belmarsh_tribunal Free Julian Assange: Snowden, Varoufakis, Corbyn &amp; Tariq Ali Speak Out Ahead of Extradition Hearing, ''Democracy Now!'',] October 25, 2021 

*Anonymous leaking is an ancient art and many websites publish documents from sources they cannot identify. What Wikileaks has done is to professionalise the operation. They have created a standard procedure for receiving, processing and publishing leaks.
**Steven Aftergood of the Federation of American Scientists' (FAS) Project on Government Secrecy &amp;mdash; reported in {{cite news|first=Paul |last=Marks |author= |url= |title=A fail-safe way to embarrass people in high places: Whistle-blowers can tell all without being traced, thanks to websites that anonymise their details |work= New Scientist|publisher=Reed Business Information |pages= |page=28, Volume 198; Issue 2655 |date=May 10, 2008 |accessdate= }}

*Under established First Amendment law, prior restraints, if constitutional at all, are permissible only in the most extraordinary circumstances. In this case, you have court orders that effectively shut down a Web site that has been at the forefront of exposing corruption in governments and corporations around the world and enjoin anyone who reads the order from publishing or even linking to the documents.
**David Ardia, director of Harvard Law School's Berkman Center for Internet &amp; Society's Citizen Media Law Project (CMLP), commenting on ''[[w:Bank Julius Baer vs. Wikileaks lawsuit|Bank Julius Baer vs. Wikileaks]]'' &amp;mdash; reported in {{cite news|title=Preserving Free Speech on the Internet: In a cyberlaw clinic, students help litigate matters of first impression |work=Harvard Law Bulletin |publisher=  [[w:Harvard Law School|Harvard Law School]]|page= |date=Fall 2008 |url=http://www.law.harvard.edu/news/bulletin/2008/fall/feature_2-side1.php|accessdate=2009-03-04}

*'''You have to start with the [[truth]]. The truth is the only way that we can get anywhere. Because any decision-making that is based upon lies or ignorance can't lead to a good conclusion'''.
**[[Julian Assange]], {{cite news|first= |last= |author= |title= Julian Assange, monk of the online age who thrives on intellectual battle |work= |publisher= [[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |pages= |page= |date=2010-08-01 |accessdate=2010-08-01 |url=http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/aug/01/julian-assange-wikileaks-afghanistan}}

*We are creating a space behind us that permits a form of journalism which lives up to the name that journalism has always tried to establish for itself. We are creating that space because we are taking on the criticism that comes from robust exposure of powerful groups.
**[[Julian Assange]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/media/2010/aug/01/julian-assange-wikileaks-afghanistan Julian Assange, monk of the online age who thrives on intellectual battle, Carole Cadwalladr, ''The Guardian''], (1 August 2010)

*The liberty of the press is essential to the security of freedom in a state: it ought not, therefore, to be restrained in this commonwealth.
**[[w:Massachusetts Constitution|Massachusetts Constitution]] (1780) {{cite book|author=[[John Adams]], [[Samuel Adams]], [[w:James Bowdoin|James Bowdoin]]|title=[[w:Massachusetts Constitution|Constitution of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts]]|publisher=[[w:Massachusetts|Commonwealth of Massachusetts]]|year=1780|pages= Article XVI}}[http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Constitution_of_the_Commonwealth_of_Massachusetts_%281780%29 Text]

* You go all over America and you see small papers that do really good jobs in their communities of reporting. The modern New York Times, the modern Washington Post, the modern Wall Street Journal are better papers than they were at the time of Watergate in most respects. But if you look at the rest of the field, … real news based on the best obtainable version of the truth was becoming less and less a commodity, less and less a real part of our journalistic institutions.
**[[Carl Bernstein]], interview in {{cite news   | last =Staff  | title =Interview: Carl Bernstein  | work =[[w:Frontline (U.S. TV series)|FRONTLINE]]  | publisher =[[w:WGBH|WGBH]] educational foundation  | date =[[July 10]], [[2006]]  | url =http://www-c.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/newswar/interviews/bernstein.html | accessdate =2009-02-20 }}

*REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911).

* In the First Amendment the Founding Fathers gave the free press the protection it must have to fulfill its essential role in our democracy. The press was to serve the governed, not the governors. The Government's power to censor the press was abolished so that the press would remain forever free to censure the government. The press was protected so that it could bare the secrets of government and inform the public. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
**{{cite book|author=[[w:Hugo Black|Hugo L. Black]]|title=[[w:New York Times Co. v. United States|New York Times Co. v. United States]]|publisher=[[w:Supreme Court of the United States|Supreme Court of the United States]]|year=1971|pages= 403 U.S. 713, at p. 717}}

*It has been assumed that journalists are not permanently impacted by the events they cover. Exposure to the traumatic events they report on has been viewed as within their job description and a standard hazard of the profession, similar to an emergency room doctor or a firefighter. Many have viewed the journalists who cover death and destruction as unusually tough, somehow immune to the reverberating impact of the human suffering they witness. Until recently, journalists felt that if they publicly acknowledged that reporting experiences might affect them long-term, the journalist would be thought of as weak and less capable than his or her colleagues.
** Elisa E. Bolton, [https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/community/journalists-ptsd.asp “Traumatic events encountered by journalists“], ''National Center for PTSD'', ''U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs''.

*'''Public fear, and those responsible for creating or promoting it, are major topics of discussion these days. The sociological and criminological concept known as moral panic offers valuable insights into how and why powerful social agents such as the news media and politicians deliberately create public concern or fear of an individual or group.''' [[Moral panic]] has been defined as a situation in which public fears and state interventions greatly exceed the objective threat posed to society by a particular individual or group who is/are claimed to be responsible for creating the threat in the first place.
**[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201507/moral-panic-who-benefits-public-fear Moral Panic: Who Benefits From Public Fear? Moral panics maintain the status quo. Scott A. Bonn,] ''Psychology Today'', July 20, 2015 
[[File:The Devil's Kitchen Visited by an Angel MET DP145154.jpg|thumb|[[Moral panic|Moral panics]] arise when distorted mass media campaigns are used to create fear, reinforce stereotypes and exacerbate preexisting divisions in the world  ~Scott A. Bonn]]

*Central to the [[moral panic]] concept is an argument that public concern or fear over an alleged social problem is mutually beneficial to state officials—that is, politicians and law enforcement authorities—and the news media. The relationship between state officials and the media is symbiotic in that politicians and law enforcement need communication channels to distribute their rhetoric and the media need tantalizing news content to attract a wide audience which, in turn, attracts advertisers... '''Moral panics arise when distorted mass media campaigns are used to create fear, reinforce stereotypes and exacerbate preexisting divisions in the world...''' Finally, public '''[[hysteria]]''' over a perceived problem often results in the passing of legislation that is highly punitive, unnecessary, and serves to justify the agendas of those in positions of power and authority. 
**[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201507/moral-panic-who-benefits-public-fear Moral Panic: Who Benefits From Public Fear? Moral panics maintain the status quo. Scott A. Bonn,] ''Psychology Today'', July 20, 2015 

*Blocking access to the entire site in response to a few documents posted there completely disregards the public's right to know.
**Ann Brick, attorney for [[w:American Civil Liberties Union|American Civil Liberties Union]], statement made before injunction liften in ''[[w:Bank Julius Baer vs. Wikileaks lawsuit|Bank Julius Baer vs. Wikileaks]]'' &amp;mdash; reported in {{cite news|first= |last= |title=Rights groups: Forcing Wikileaks.org offline raises 'serious First Amendment concerns'|work=[[n:Main Page|Wikinews]] |publisher=  |page= |date=February 28, 2008 |url=http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Rights_groups:_Forcing_Wikileaks.org_offline_raises_%27serious_First_Amendment_concerns%27|accessdate=2009-03-04}}

* Never forget that if you don't hit a newspaper reader between the eyes with your first sentence, there is no need of writing a second one.
**[[w:Arthur Brisbane|Arthur Brisbane]] (c. 1900) quoted in {{cite book  | last =Carlson  | first =Oliver  | title =Brisbane: A Candid Biography  | date =1937  | pages =Chapter 5}}

* Time was when men of Horse Watson’s profession typically never slept sober, and died with their livers eroded. It must have been fun to watch the literate swashbucklers make fools of themselves in the frontier saloons, indulging in horsewhippings and shoot-outs with rival journalists and their partisans. But who stopped to think what it was to have the power of words and publication, to discover that an entire town and territory would judge, condemn, act, reprieve and glorify because of something you had slugged together the night before? Because of something you had handset into type, smudging your fingertips with metal poisons that inexorably began their journey through your bloodstream? For the sake of the power, you turned your liver and kidneys into spongy, irascible masses; you tainted the tissue of your brain with heavy metal ions until it became a house haunted by stumbling visions. Alcohol would temporarily overcome the effect. So you became an alcoholic, and purchased sanity one day at a time, and made a spectacle of yourself. It was neither funny nor tragic in the end—it was simply a fact of life that operated more slowly on the mediocre, because the mediocre could turn themselves off and go to sleep whether they had done the night’s job to their own satisfaction or not.
** [[Algis Budrys]], ''[[w:Michaelmas (novel)|Michaelmas]]'' (1977), {{ISBN|0-425-03812-2}}, Chapter 3 (pp. 36-37)

* Journalism may not dare too much. It can be gently humorous and ironic, very lightly touched by idiosyncrasy, but it must not repel readers by digging too deeply. This is especially true of its approach to language: the conventions are not questioned.
** [[Anthony Burgess]], ''A Mouthful of Air: Language and Languages, Especially English'' (1992).

* A would-be satirist, a hired buffoon,&lt;br&gt;A monthly scribbler of some low lampoon,&lt;br&gt;Condemn'd to drudge, the meanest of the mean,&lt;br&gt;And furbish falsehoods for a magazine.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''English Bards and Scotch Reviewers'' (1809), line 975.

*[[Julian Assange|Assange]] and [[WikiLeaks]] revealed the [[American military]]’s [[war crimes]], the American government’s corruption and the American [[Mainstream media|corporate media]]’s pathetic servile flattery to the [[Ruling class|power elite]]... if you’re a member of our ruling class, you would view those as textbook examples of dickery.... In an evolved and fully realized society, the [[oligarchy]] would see Assange as a dangerous criminal (which they do), and the average working men and women would view him as justice personified (which they don’t). We would celebrate him even as the mass media told us to hope for his downfall—like a [[Batman]] or a [[Robin Hood]]... But we are not evolved and this is not Gotham City and average Americans don’t root for the truth. Many Americans cheer for Assange’s imprisonment. They believe the corporate [[plutocratic]] talking points and yearn for the days when we no longer have to hear about our country’s [[crimes against humanity]] or our bankers’ crimes against the economy.  
**[[Lee Camp]], [https://www.mintpressnews.com/lee-camp18-ways-julian-assange-wikileaks-changed-the-world/258790/ 18 Ways Julian Assange Changed the World, ''MintPress News''] (24 May 2019)

*As [[W: mainstream news outlets|mainstream news outlets]] become increasingly complacent, and even supportive of pro-war policies, it becomes more essential that anti-war voices, and anti-war journalists in particular, resist the attempt by the United States to set the precedent that the act of publishing [[war crimes]] is a punishable offense... After 20 years of the United States military destroying entire countries under the guise of fighting terrorism, there is finally a partial reckoning with U.S. warmongering around the world. It cannot be said that Americans are particularly anti-war now, but at the very least, Biden’s decision to pull U.S. troops from Afghanistan was widely popular across the political spectrum. Yet, many news outlets instead chose to emphasize the minority position on Afghanistan by prioritizing commentary from interventionists and weapons lobbyists over anti-war scholars and activists, and by falsely representing the U.S. occupation of Afghanistan as a positive. This sudden emphasis on the supposedly positive role of U.S. occupation in Afghanistan is a particularly dangerous line for journalists to push considering how little effort the U.S. media placed on covering the conflict prior to withdrawal. One study found that in 2020, three major news outlets gave the conflict a combined coverage of less than five minutes.
**[https://www.commondreams.org/views/2021/10/22/fate-anti-war-journalism-lies-upcoming-assange-hearings Fate Of Anti-War Journalism Lies in Upcoming Assange Hearings, Sam Carliner,]  October 22, 2021

*In contrast to publications that take such a careless or outright supportive stance on the irreparable harm of [[Foreign policy of the United States|U.S. foreign policy]] are [[WikiLeaks]] and its founder, [[Julian Assange]]. Following his view that “if wars can be started with lies, they can be stopped by truth,” Assange has published some of the most vital information on U.S. foreign policy of the 21st century with perfect accuracy. Some of the information provided to the public (thanks to the anonymous online source submission system developed by Assange) includes the CIA rendition program, detainee abuse at Guantanamo Bay, and [[war crimes|U.S. war crimes]] in Iraq, Afghanistan, Yemen, and more. It is this view on publishing which understands war as something to be exposed and resisted that has made Assange such a hated figure by warmongers in the United States.
**[https://www.commondreams.org/views/2021/10/22/fate-anti-war-journalism-lies-upcoming-assange-hearings Fate Of Anti-War Journalism Lies in Upcoming Assange Hearings, Sam Carliner,]  October 22, 2021

*Despite the many problems with the mainstream press, journalism as an institution remains one of the most effective methods of resisting, and at times, ending wars. Even those distrustful of the press should be willing to oppose attacks on the right to a free press when such attacks occur. It is the guarantee of press freedom that enables anti-war reporting to make its way into the mainstream at times, shifting people's understanding of what their government does.&lt;BR&gt;The [[news media|press]] still has the power to challenge and prevent U.S. [[War|wars]]. However, this power hangs in the balance in the form of [[Julian Assange]]'s fate. Recent coverage of the Afghanistan withdrawal shows the potential for two types of press. One which sees its role as the mouthpiece for the most war-hungry members of a global empire or one that shows the true nature of war to the public, enabling them to oppose it and giving its victims some [[Justice|justice.]] For anti-war advocates who would rather see the latter option covering foreign policy, it is essential to show strong support for Julian Assange and demand the charges against him be dropped immediately.
**[https://www.commondreams.org/views/2021/10/22/fate-anti-war-journalism-lies-upcoming-assange-hearings Fate Of Anti-War Journalism Lies in Upcoming Assange Hearings, Sam Carliner,]  October 22, 2021

* A Fourth Estate, of Able Editors, springs up.
** [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''The French Revolution, A History'' (1837), Part I, Book VI, Chapter 5.

* Great is journalism. Is not every able editor a ruler of the world, being the persuader of it?
** [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''The French Revolution, A History'' (1837), Part II, Book I, Chapter 4.

* Burke said there were Three Estates in Parliament; but, in the Reporters' Gallery yonder, there sat a Fourth Estate more important far than they all. It is not a figure of speech, or a witty saying; it is a literal fact, - very momentous to us in these times.
**{{cite book|author=[[Thomas Carlyle]]|title=On Heroes, Hero-worship, and the Heroic in History: Six Lectures: Reported|publisher=Wiley &amp; Halsted|year=1859|pages= 147, Lect. V: &quot;The Hero as Man of Letters&quot;}}

* Journalism is popular, but it is popular mainly as fiction. Life is one world, and life seen in the newspapers another.
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], &quot;On the Cryptic and the Elliptic&quot;, ''All Things Considered'' (1908)

* I know that journalism largely consists in saying 'Lord Jones Dead' to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive.
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], &quot;The Purple Wig&quot;, ''The Wisdom of Father Brown'' (1914) 

* It is the one great weakness of journalism as a picture of our modern existence, that it must be a picture made up entirely of exceptions. We announce on flaring posters that a man has fallen off a scaffolding. We do not announce on flaring posters that a man has not fallen off a scaffolding. Yet this latter fact is fundamentally more exciting, as indicating that that moving tower of terror and mystery, a man, is still abroad upon the earth. That the man has not fallen off a scaffolding is really more sensational; and it is also some thousand times more common. But journalism cannot reasonably be expected thus to insist upon the permanent miracles. Busy editors cannot be expected to put on their posters, &quot;Mr Wilkinson Still Safe,&quot; or &quot;Mr Jones, of Worthing, Not Dead Yet.&quot; They cannot announce the happiness of mankind at all. They cannot describe all the forks that are not stolen, or all the marriages that are not judiciously dissolved. Hence the complete picture they give of life is of necessity fallacious; they can only represent what is unusual. However democratic they may be, they are only concerned with the minority.
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''The Ball and the Cross'' (1909), [http://www.classicreader.com/book/2241/4/ Chapter IV. A Discussion at Dawn] (second paragraph)
 
*If Wikileaks were a print publication, the injunction would be unthinkable. … What distinguishes this case is that the allegedly intolerable materials were published on the Internet instead of on paper. But that's a poor reason to abandon the principles that protect those who want to publish -- as well as those who want to read. Censorship is censorship, no matter the medium.
**{{cite news| |author=Editorial |title= Electronic censorship|work=[[w:Chicago Tribune|Chicago Tribune]] |publisher= Chicago Tribune Company |page=14 |date=February 26, 2008  }}

*Media carries with it a credibility that is totally undeserved. You have all experienced this. [...]&lt;br&gt;Briefly stated, the '''Gell-Mann Amnesia effect''' is as follows. You open the newspaper to an article on some subject you know well. [...] You read the article and see the journalist has absolutely no understanding of either the facts or the issues. [...] You read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. '''You turn the page, and forget what you know.'''
** [[Michael Crichton]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20190808123852/http://larvatus.com/michael-crichton-why-speculate/ &quot;Why Speculate?&quot;] (speech at the International Leadership Forum, La Jolla, California, 26 April 2002). Archived from the [http://larvatus.com/michael-crichton-why-speculate/ original] on 8 August 2019. Retrieved 3 May 2022.

*The real purpose of state secrecy is to enable governments to establish their own self-interested and often mendacious version of the truth by the careful selection of “facts” to be passed on to the public. They feel enraged by any revelation of what they really know, or by any alternative source of information. Such threats to their control of the news agenda must be suppressed where possible and, where not, those responsible must be pursued and punished.&lt;BR&gt;Revealing important information about the Yemen war – in which at least 70,000 people have been killed – is the reason why the US government is persecuting both [[Julian Assange|Assange]] and Zikry.
**[[Patrick Cockburn]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/06/04/why-the-us-is-persecuting-assange/ ''Why the US is Persecuting Assange? CounterPunch''] (4 June 2019)  

*I was in Kabul a decade ago when [[WikiLeaks]] released a massive tranche of US government documents about the conflicts in Afghanistan, Iraq and Yemen. On the day of the release, I was arranging by phone to meet an American official... He was intensely interested and asked me what was known about the degree of classification of the files. When I told him, he said in a relieved tone: “No real secrets, then.” ...I asked him why he was so dismissive of the revelations that were causing such uproar in the world.  He explained that the US government was not so naive that it did not realise that making these documents available to such a wide range of civilian and military officials meant that they were likely to leak. Any information really damaging to US security had been weeded out...&lt;BR&gt; he said: “We are not going to learn the biggest secrets from WikiLeaks because these have already been leaked by the White House, Pentagon or State Department.”&lt;BR&gt; ...However, it was the friendly US official and I who were being naive, forgetting that the real purpose of state secrecy is to enable governments to establish their own self-interested and often mendacious version of the truth by the careful selection of “facts” to be passed on to the public. They feel enraged by any revelation of what they really know, or by any alternative source of information. Such threats to their control of the news agenda must be suppressed where possible and, where not, those responsible must be pursued and punished.
**[[Patrick Cockburn]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/06/04/why-the-us-is-persecuting-assange/ ''Why the US is Persecuting Assange? CounterPunch''] (4 June 2019)  

*WikiLeaks... published nearly 400,000 field reports about the Iraq War, which contained evidence of U.S. [[war crimes]], over 15,000 previously unreported deaths of Iraqi civilians, and the systematic murder, torture, rape and abuse by the Iraqi army and authorities that were ignored by U.S. forces.&lt;BR&gt; In addition, WikiLeaks published the Guantánamo Files, 779 secret reports that revealed the U.S. government’s systematic violation of the [[W:Geneva Conventions|Geneva Conventions]] and the [[w:United Nations Convention against Torture|Convention Against Torture]] and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment, by abusing nearly 800 men and boys, ages 14 to 89.&lt;BR&gt;One of the most notorious releases by WikiLeaks was the 2007 “[[w:Collateral Murder|Collateral Murder]]” video, which showed a U.S. Army Apache helicopter target and fire on unarmed civilians in Baghdad. More than 12 civilians were killed, including two Reuters reporters and a man who came to rescue the wounded. Two children were injured. Then a U.S. Army tank drove over one of the bodies, severing it in half. Those acts constitute three separate war crimes prohibited by the Geneva Conventions and the U.S. Army Field Manual.
**[[Marjorie Cohn]] in [https://truthout.org/articles/extradition-of-assange-would-set-a-dangerous-precedent/ Extradition of Assange Would Set a Dangerous Precedent, ''Truthout''] (17 February 2020)

*We welcome everyone here to the hearing. In the  Texas v. Johnson case in 1989, the Supreme Court set forth one  of the fundamental principles of our democracy. That is, that  if there is a bedrock principle underlying the First Amendment, it is that the government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or  disagreeable. That was [[William J. Brennan, Jr.|Justice William Brennan]]. 
**[[John Conyers|Congressman John Conyers]] in [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CHRG-111hhrg63081/html/CHRG-111hhrg63081.htm ''U.S. Congress House Hearing: Espionage Act and '''the Legal and Constitutional Issue Raised by Wikileaks'''.  Hearing Before the Committee on the Judiciary House of Representatives, One Hundred Eleventh Congress, Second Session'',] (16 December 2010).  [https://www.c-span.org/video/?297115-1/wikileaksthe-espionage-act-constitution ''CSpan'' recording]

*As an initial matter, there is no doubt that [[w:WikiLeaks|WikiLeaks]] is  in an unpopular position right now. Many feel their publication  was offensive. But unpopularity is not a crime, and publishing  offensive information isn't either. And the repeated calls from  Members of Congress, the government, journalists, and other experts crying out for criminal prosecutions or other extreme  measures cause me some consternation.&lt;BR&gt;Indeed, when everyone in this town is joined together calling for someone's head, it is a pretty sure sign that we might want to slow down and take a closer look... I find myself agreeing with those who think Assange is being unduly vilified. I certainly do not support or like his disclosure of secrets...  But as all the handwringing over the 1917 Espionage Act shows, it is not obvious what law he has violated.&lt;BR&gt;Our country was founded on the belief that speech is sacrosanct, and that the answer to bad speech is not censorship  or prosecution, but more speech. And so whatever one thinks about this controversy, it is clear that prosecuting WikiLeaks would raise the most fundamental questions about freedom of speech about who is a journalist and about what the public can know about the actions of their own government.&lt;BR&gt;Indeed, while there's agreement that sometimes secrecy is necessary, the real problem today is not too little secrecy, but too much secrecy... Furthermore, we are too quick to accept government  claims that risk the [[national security]]... 
**[[John Conyers|Congressman John Conyers]] in [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CHRG-111hhrg63081/html/CHRG-111hhrg63081.htm ''U.S. Congress House Hearing: Espionage Act and '''the Legal and Constitutional Issue Raised by Wikileaks'''.  Hearing Before the Committee on the Judiciary House of Representatives, One Hundred Eleventh Congress, Second Session'',] (16 December 2010).  [https://www.c-span.org/video/?297115-1/wikileaksthe-espionage-act-constitution ''CSpan''

*I have just watched [[W:We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks|''We Steal Secrets'']], [[w:Alex Gibney|Alex Gibney]]’s documentary about [[Wikileaks]] and [[Julian Assange]]. One useful thing I learnt is the difference between a hatchet job and [[character assassination]]. Gibney is too clever for a hatchet job, and his propaganda is all the more effective for it.  The film’s contention is that Assange is a natural-born egotist...  This could have made for an intriguing, and possibly plausible, thesis had Gibney approached the subject-matter more honestly and fairly. But two major flaws discredit the whole enterprise...   The first is that he grievously misrepresents the facts in the Swedish case against Assange... to the point that his motives in making the film are brought into question... So the question is why would he choose to mislead the audience?... his dishonesty relates not to an avoidance of facts and evidence but to his choice of emphasis...This documentary could have been a fascinating study of the moral quandaries faced by whistleblowers in the age of the surveillance super-state. Instead Gibney chose the easy course and made a film that sides with the problem rather than the solution.
**[[w:Jonathan Cook|Jonathan Cook]] [https://www.counterpunch.org/2013/07/29/the-assassination-of-julian-assange/ The Assassination of Julian Assange,  ''CounterPunch''] (23 July 2013)

*'''The [[duty]] of journalists is to tell the truth. Journalism means you go back to the actual facts, you look at the documents, you discover what the record is, and you report it that way.'''
**[[Noam Chomsky]] interview in {{cite news   | last =Wang   | first =Joy  | title =Lecture: Noam Chomsky  | work =Bullpen: NYU Journalism  | publisher =[[w:New York University|New York University]]  | date =December 2004  | url =http://web.archive.org/web/20090617055506/http://journalism.nyu.edu/pubzone/bullpen/noam_chomsky/lecture  | accessdate = 2009-02-20 }}

* I don't really understand why journalism has to be so nasty, so sarcastic and intrusive. 
**[[w:Paul Daniels|Paul Daniels]], quoted in {{cite news  | work =[[w:The Independent|The Independent]]  | date =[[March 17]], [[2016]]  | url =http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/paul-daniels-the-legendary-magicians-eleven-most-controversial-quotes-a6936341.html  | accessdate =2017-01-04 }}

* Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, '''comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable''', buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward. They ain't annything it don't turn its hand to fr'm explainin' th' docthrine iv thransubstantiation to composin' saleratus biskit. 
** [[Finley Peter Dunne]], &quot;Newspaper Publicity&quot; in [https://books.google.com/books?id=97c_AAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA240&amp;dq=%22newspaper+does+ivrything%22&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwioqKzz5MvPAhUJrD4KHROmCdsQ6AEIIDAA#v=onepage&amp;q=%22newspaper%20does%20ivrything%22&amp;f=false ''Observations by Mr. Dooley'' (1902)]

* Journalism is organised gossip.
** [[w: Edward Eggleston|Edward Eggleston]]

* I suppose, in the end, we journalists try - or should try - to be the first impartial witnesses of history. If we have any reason for our existence, the least must be our ability to report history as it happens so that no one can say: 'We didn't know - no one told us.'
**{{cite book  | last =Fisk  | first =Robert  | authorlink =Robert Fisk   | title =The Great War for Civilisation: The Conquest of the Middle East  | publisher =Fourth Estate  | date =2005  | page = xxv  | isbn = 0007203837}}

[[File:Betty Friedan 1960.jpg|thumb|Today's serious nonfiction writer is important to society because from a solid background of social sciences, combined with the journalistic skills of a reporter, one moves beyond the reporter function to the front edge of our emerging society. &amp;ndash; [[Betty Friedan]]]]
* Today's serious nonfiction writer is important to society because from a solid background of social sciences, combined with the journalistic skills of a reporter, one moves beyond the reporter function to the front edge of our emerging society.
**[[Betty Friedan]] (May 1978) ''30th Anniversary Journal'', [[w:American Society of Journalists and Authors|American Society of Journalists and Authors]], quoted in {{cite book
  | last =American Society of Journalists and Authors  | authorlink =w:American Society of Journalists and Authors  | coauthors =Edited by Glen Evans  | title =The Complete Guide to Writing Non-Fiction  | publisher =Writer's Digest Books  | date =1983  | location =[[w:Cincinnati, Ohio|Cincinnati, Ohio]]  | page = 5  | isbn = 0-89879-117-0}}

* When journalese was at its rifest the Ministry of Health was established - possibly a coincidence.
**[[John Galsworthy]] (July 1924) ''On Expression'', Presidential Address to the English Association, p. 12. &amp;mdash; Quote reproduced in {{cite book  | last =Crystal  | first =David  | coauthors =Hillary Crystal  | title =Words on Words: Quotations about Language and Languages  | publisher =University of Chicago Press  | date =2000  | pages =Page 276  | isbn =0226122018}}

* Journalism is not a [[profession]] ... at its heart, it's just a craft. And that means that it can be practiced by anyone who is sensible and [[intelligent]] and [[thoughtful]] and [[curious]] ... 
** [[w:Sue Gardner|Sue Gardner]], [https://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Interview_with_Sue_Gardner_of_the_Wikimedia_Foundation &quot;Interview with Sue Gardner of the Wikimedia Foundation&quot;], Wikinews; October 24, 2007.

* Grassroots journalism is part of the wider phenomenon of citizen-generated media - of a global conversation that is growing in strength, complexity, and power. When people can express themselves, they will. When they can do so with powerful yet inexpensive tools, they take to the new-media realm quickly. When they can reach a potentially global audience, they literally can change the world.
**{{cite book  | last =Gilmor  | first =Dan  | authorlink =w:Dan Gillmor  | title =[[w:We the Media|We the Media: Grassroots Journalism by the People for the People]]  | publisher =[[w:O'Reilly Media|O'Reilly Media]]  | date =2006  | page =xv  | isbn = 0596102275}}

*Blocking access to the entire site in response to a few documents posted there completely disregards the public's right to know.
**Ann Brick, attorney for [[w:American Civil Liberties Union|American Civil Liberties Union]], statement made before injunction liften in ''[[w:Bank Julius Baer vs. Wikileaks lawsuit|Bank Julius Baer vs. Wikileaks]]'' &amp;mdash; reported in {{cite news|first= |last= |title=Rights groups: Forcing Wikileaks.org offline raises 'serious First Amendment concerns'|work=[[n:Main Page|Wikinews]] |publisher=  |page= |date=February 28, 2008 |url=http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Rights_groups:_Forcing_Wikileaks.org_offline_raises_%27serious_First_Amendment_concerns%27|accessdate=2009-03-04}}

*While journalists should view Wikileaks with some skepticism, it cannot be ignored. Welcome to the brave new world of [[Investigative journalism|investigative reporting]].
**{{cite news|first=Sean |last=Gonsalves |author= |url=http://www.alternet.org/mediaculture/90641/will_wikileaks_revolutionize_journalism/?page=2 |title= Will Wikileaks Revolutionize Journalism?|work= [[w:AlterNet|AlterNet]]|publisher= |pages= |page= |date= July 7, 2008|accessdate=2009-03-04 }}

*Going to where the silence is. That is '''the responsibility of a journalist: giving a voice to those who have been forgotten, forsaken, and beaten down by the powerful....We must build a trickle-up media that reflects the true character of this country and its people.'''
**[[Amy Goodman]], in ''[[w:The Exception to the Rulers|The Exception to the Rulers]]'' written with David Goodman (2004)

* The national religion in the United States is worship of all things military. And journalists are its high priests.
**[[Glenn Greenwald]] (1967), interview with Democracy Now! (November 14, 2012). ''[http://www.democracynow.org/2012/11/14/glenn_greenwald_while_petraeus_had_affair Glenn Greenwald: While Petraeus Had Affair with Biographer, Corporate Media Had Affair with Petraeus.]'' Retrieved on 2012-11-15.

*The destruction of media offices and the killing of a [[journalist]] in [[Gaza]] are extremely concerning. [[Journalists]] must be able to carry out their essential work, including in conflict zones, without fear of attack and harassment. They must be protected and respected... Even wars have rules. First and foremost, civilians must be protected... Indiscriminate attacks, and attacks against civilians and civilian property, are violations of the laws of war... 
**[[António Guterres|Antonio Guterres]], [https://www.un.org/sg/en/content/sg/statement/2021-05-20/secretary-general%E2%80%99s-remarks-the-general-assembly-meeting-the-situation-the-middle-east-and-palestine-delivered Secretary-General’s Remarks to the General Assembly Meeting on the Situation in the Middle East and Palestine, United Nations Secretary-General, Statements,] (20 May 2021)

*Shortly after [[WikiLeaks]] released the [[w:Iraq War documents leak|Iraq War Logs]] in October 2010, which documented numerous U.S. [[war crimes]] — including video images of the gunning down of two Reuters journalists and 10 other unarmed civilians in the [[w:Collateral murder video|&quot;Collateral Murder&quot; video]], the routine torture of Iraqi prisoners, the covering up of thousands of civilian deaths and the killing of nearly 700 civilians that had approached too closely to U.S. checkpoints — the towering civil rights attorneys [[W:Leonard Weinglass|Len Weinglass]] and my good friend [[w:Michael Ratner|Michael Ratner]], who I would later accompany to meet [[Julian Assange|Julian (Assange)]] in the Ecuadoran embassy, met with Julian in a studio apartment in Central London. Julian's personal bank cards had been blocked. Three encrypted laptops with documents detailing U.S. war crimes had disappeared from his luggage in route to London. Swedish police were fabricating a case against him in a move, Ratner warned, that was about extraditing Julian to the United States.
**[[Chris Hedges]], [https://www.salon.com/2021/06/15/revisiting-the-case-of-julian-assange-and-the-reality-of-the-rule-of-law/ Revisiting the case of Julian Assange and the reality of the &quot;rule of law&quot;, ''Salon''] (15 June 2021)

* Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
**[[Elbert Hubbard]] (1914) ''The Roycroft Dictionary of Epigrams'' &amp;mdash; quoted in {{cite book|author=ed. Shapiro, Fred R|title=The Yale Book of Quotations|publisher=Yale University Press|location=New Haven, Conn|pages= 374|isbn=0300107986}}

* One's right to life, liberty, and property, to free speech, a free press, freedom of worship and assembly, and other fundamental rights may not be submitted to vote; they depend on the outcome of no elections.
**{{cite book|author=[[Robert H. Jackson]]|title=[[w:West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette|West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette]]|publisher=[[Supreme Court of the United States|Supreme Court of the United States]]|year=1943|pages= 319 U.S. 624, 638}}

* The basis of our government being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.
** [[Thomas Jefferson]], letter to Colonel Edward Carrington (16 January 1787) Lipscomb &amp; Bergh ed.  6:57.

* To your request of my opinion of the manner in which a newspaper should be conducted, so as to be most useful, I should answer, &quot;by restraining it to true facts &amp; sound principles only.&quot; Yet I fear such a paper would find few subscribers. It is a melancholy truth, that a suppression of the press could not more completely deprive the nation of its benefits, than is done by its abandoned prostitution to falsehood. Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day. . . . I will add, that the man who never looks into a newspaper is better informed than he who reads them; inasmuch as he who knows nothing is nearer to truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods &amp; errors. He who reads nothing will still learn the great facts, and the details are all false.
** [[Thomas Jefferson]], letter to [[w:John Norvell|John Norvell]] (11 June 1807).

* They lied about it! The enemy boils the ocean, cooks the sixth fleet and every man, woman and child within fifty miles of a shoreline - you could expect some coverage. What did they report? Minor soil erosion in the Florida Keys. They boiled the ocean, woman!
**[[w:Arthur M. Jolly|Arthur M. Jolly]] in the play ''After It's All Over'', Original Works Press (2009).

* What people outside do not appreciate is that a newspaper is like a soufflé, prepared in a hurry for immediate consumption. This of course is why whenever you read a newspaper account of some event of which you have personal knowledge it is nearly always inadequate or inaccurate. Journalists are as aware as anyone of this defect; it is simply that if the information is to reach as many readers as possible, something less than perfection has often to be accepted.
** [[w:David E. H. Jones|David E. H. Jones]], ''New Scientist'', [http://www.google.co.uk/search?gcx=w&amp;sourceid=chrome&amp;ie=UTF-8&amp;q=%22What+people+outside+do+not+appreciate+is+that+a+newspaper+is+like+a+souffl%C3%A9%2C+prepared+in+a+hurry+for+immediate+consumption.+This+of+course+is+why+whenever+you+read+a+newspaper+account+of+some+event+of+which+you+have+personal+knowledge+it+is+nearly+always+inadequate+or+inaccurate.+Journalists+are+as+aware+as+anyone+of+this+defect%3B+it+is+simply+that+if+the+information+is+to+reach+as+many+readers+as+possible%2C+something+less+than+perfection+has+often+to+be+accepted.%22#hl=en&amp;tbm=bks&amp;q=What+people+outside+do+not+appreciate+is+that+a+newspaper+is+like+a+souffl%C3%A9,+prepared+in+a+hurry+for+immediate+consumption.+This+of+course+is+why+whenever+you+read+a+newspaper+account+of+some+event+of+which+you+have+personal+knowledge+it+is+nearly+always+inadequate+or+inaccurate.+Journalists+are+as+aware+as+anyone+of+this+defect%3B+it+is+simply+that+if+the+information+is+to+reach+as+many+readers+as+possible,+something+less+than+perfection+has+often+to+be+accepted.&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=3wqTTtKFG43TsgbMnf0V&amp;ved=0CCsQgwM&amp;bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&amp;fp=3a0bebda8a811fa8&amp;biw=1267&amp;bih=709 Vol. 26] (1965).

* This cadre of know-nothings, haters, anti-white racists, fake news propagandists, and hounders of conservatives have tried to make life hell for people like me for years, simply for having differing opinions. They’ve also done it with smirks on their eminently punchable faces that made that Covington school kid look like he’d swallowed a wasp.
** [[Raheem Kassam]], ''No, I Don’t Feel Sorry For Journalists Who Have Lost Their Jobs — I’m Bloody Thrilled''

[[File:Raheem Kassam by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|This cadre of know-nothings, haters, anti-white racists, fake news propagandists, and hounders of conservatives have tried to make life hell for people like me for years, simply for having differing opinions. They’ve also done it with smirks on their eminently punchable faces that made that Covington school kid look like he’d swallowed a wasp. - [[Raheem Kassam]]]]

* They were professional tantrum artists who only knew one thing: how to bludgeon the West to death with identity politics. And now, with the most arousing irony I have been witness to in years, we can safely say, “#TimesUp”.
** Raheem Kassam, ''No, I Don’t Feel Sorry For Journalists Who Have Lost Their Jobs — I’m Bloody Thrilled'' 

* My problem, and our problem — I think this is a view that's pretty widely shared in the news business — is, you know, we, and I don't just mean ''The Times'', are too ready to publish the blandest of quotes, or, sometimes, the idlest of gossip and innuendo, behind a cover of anonymity. I think it cheapens the currency of source protection.
**[[w:Bill Keller|Bill Keller]], ''[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]'' executive editor, about anonymous sources (May 13, 2005) in ''[[w:On the Media|On the Media]]''.

* Newspapers always excite curiosity. No one ever lays one down without a feeling of disappointment.
**[[Charles Lamb]] (1833) &quot;On Books and Reading&quot;, ''The Last Essays of Elia'' &amp;mdash; Quote reproduced in {{cite book
  | last =Crystal  | first =David  | coauthors =Hillary Crystal  | title =Words on Words: Quotations about Language and Languages  | publisher =University of Chicago Press  | date =2000  | pages = 276  | isbn = 0226122018}}

* The Web sites of interest groups generally advance the cause of journalganda, in that everything is presented through the filter of the interest group. […] It is an odd, unreal world but very important because it's where partisans can go to have their thoughts re-enforced. There's nothing like journalganda to make you feel absolutely certain you are correct, no matter what your position. […] Real journalism can always be identified by the way it makes normal people sometimes feel very uncomfortable about the world.
** Charles M. Madigan (October 25, 2005) [http://web.archive.org/web/20130625005510/http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/chi-0510250027oct25,0,3811209.column?page=2&amp;coll=chi-ed_opinion_columnists-utl &quot;The problem with today's 'journalism'&quot;], ''[[w:Chicago Tribune|Chicago Tribune]]''.

*I nominated [[Julian Assange]] on the 8th January 2019 for the [[w:Nobel Peace Prize|Nobel Peace Prize]]. I issued a press release hoping to bring attention to his nomination, which seemed to have been widely ignored, by [[Mainstream media|Western media]]. By Julian’s courageous actions and others like him, we could see full well the atrocities of war. The release of the files brought to our doors the atrocities our governments carried out through media. It is my strong belief that this is the true essence of an activist and it is my great shame I live in an era where people like Julian Assange, [[Edward Snowden]], [[Chelsea Manning]] and anyone willing to open our eyes to the [[War crime|atrocities of war]], is likely to be hunted like an animal by governments, punished and silenced.&lt;BR&gt;Therefore, I believe that the British government should oppose the extradition of Assange as it sets a dangerous precedent for journalists, [[w:whistleblowers|whistleblowers]] and other sources of truth the US may wish to pressure in the future. This man is paying a high price to end war and for [[peace]] and [[nonviolence]] and we should all remember that.”
**[[Mairead Maguire]], [https://www.globalresearch.ca/mairead-maguire-requests-permission-visit-assange  ''Requests Permission to Visit Assange, Nominated for Nobel Prize,  Global Research'',]   (14 April 2019)

* Every journalist who is not too stupid or too full of himself to notice what is going on knows that what he does is morally indefensible. He is a kind of confidence man, preying on people's vanity, ignorance, or loneliness, gaining their trust and betraying them without remorse. Like the credulous widow who wakes up one day to find the charming young man and all her savings gone, so the consenting subject of a piece of nonfiction writing learns—when the article or book appears—''his'' hard lesson. Journalists justify their treachery in various ways according to their temperaments. The more pompous talk about freedom of speech and &quot;the public's right to know&quot;; the least talented talk about Art; the seemliest murmur about earning a living.
** [[w:Janet Malcolm|Janet Malcolm]], ''[[w:The Journalist and the Murderer|The Journalist and the Murderer]]'' (1990). New York: Knopf, p. 3 (the opening paragraph of the book).

* In our society, the journalist ranks with the philantropist as a person who has something extremely valuable to dispense (his currency is the strangely intoxicating substance called publicity), and who is consequently treated with a deference quite out of proportion to his merits as a person. There are very few people in this country who do not regard with rapture the prospect of being written about or interviewed on a radio or television program.
** [[w:Janet Malcolm|Janet Malcolm]], ''The Journalist and the Murderer'' (1990). New York: Knopf, p. 58.

* I have come to think […] the character called &quot;I&quot; in a work of journalism […] is unlike all the journalist's other characters in that he forms the exception to the rule that nothing may be invented: the &quot;I&quot; character in journalism is almost pure invention. Unlike the &quot;I&quot; of autobiography, who is meant to be seen as a representation of the writer, the &quot;I&quot; of journalism is connected to the writer only in a tenuous way—the way, say, that [[Superman]] is connected to Clark Kent. The journalistic &quot;I&quot; is an over[[w:reliable narrator|reliable narrator]], a functionary to whom crucial tasks of narration and argument and tone have been entrusted, an ad hoc creation, like the [[w:Greek chorus|chorus of Greek tragedy]]. He is an emblematic figure, an embodiment of the idea of the dispassionate observer of life. Nevertheless, readers who readily accept the idea that the narrator in a work of fiction is not the same person as the author of the book will stubbornly resist the idea of the invented &quot;I&quot; of journalism; and even among journalists, there are those who have trouble sorting themselves out from the Supermen of their texts.
** [[w:Janet Malcolm|Janet Malcolm]], ''The Journalist and the Murderer'' (1990). New York: Knopf, pp. 159–160.

* The moral ambiguity of journalism lies not in its texts but in the relationships out of which they arise—relationships that are invariably and inescapably lopsided. The &quot;good&quot; characters in a piece of journalism are no less a product of the writer's unholy power over another person than are the &quot;bad&quot; ones.[…] The fact that the subject may be trying to manipulate the journalist—and none but the most otherworldly of subjects is above at least some manipulativeness—does not offset the journalist's own sins against the libertarian spirit.[…] There is an infinite variety of ways in which journalists struggle with the moral impasse[…]. The wisest know that the best they can do […] is still not good enough. The not so wise, in their accustomed manner, choose to believe there is no problem and that they have solved it.
** [[w:Janet Malcolm|Janet Malcolm]], ''The Journalist and the Murderer'' (1990). New York: Knopf, pp. 162-163. (The last sentence is the last sentence of the book.) 

*[[W:Whistleblowers|Whistleblowers]] are essential to good [[journalism]]. They allow reporters to get behind... the walls of secrecy built up by officials and press officers. The whistleblowers reveal abuses and wrongdoing within governments, companies, the military, intelligence agencies. These whistleblowers should be rewarded for their courage; instead, too often they end up facing prosecution or jail...&lt;BR&gt; The intelligence agencies are waging it to try and dissuade future leakers within the agencies, and try and dissuade the journalists covering the national security beat. And this is what [[Julian Assange|Assange]] has been caught up in.
**[[Ewen MacAskill]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2021/10/25/belmarsh_tribunal Free Julian Assange: Snowden, Varoufakis, Corbyn &amp; Tariq Ali Speak Out Ahead of Extradition Hearing, ''Democracy Now!'',] October 25, 2021 

*If [[Julian Assange|Julian]] is to be prosecuted, then there’s a equally good case for the editor and journalists in ''The Guardian... New York Times, Der Spiegel, El País, La República'' and all the other organizations involved in this coverage being prosecuted, too.  [[Barack Obama|Obama]], in spite of his liberal background, failed to stand up to the pressure from the intelligence agencies, and he used the draconian 1917 Espionage Act and other laws against whistleblowers and journalists. In fact, Obama was responsible for more prosecutions and action against journalists and whistleblowers than all the other presidents in the U.S. combined.
**[[Ewen MacAskill]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2021/10/25/belmarsh_tribunal Free Julian Assange: Snowden, Varoufakis, Corbyn &amp; Tariq Ali Speak Out Ahead of Extradition Hearing, ''Democracy Now!'',] October 25, 2021

* The newspapers were beginning to get on to Jaycie now. They had ignored her at first. Put things down to anyone and everything else. After all, it was a bit awkward for them having to do with a woman who was beautiful but apparently had no sex life; they didn’t know what to try and smear her with.
** [[w:Naomi Mitchison|Naomi Mitchison]], “Mary and Joe” in Harry Harrison (ed.) Nova 1, p. 163.

* Journalists who make mistakes get sued for libel; historians who make mistakes get to publish a revised edition.
** [[Bill Moyers]], &quot;The Big Story&quot;, speech to the Texas State Historical Association, 7 March 1997, ''Moyers on Democracy'' (2008), p. 131.

* The freedom of speech and of the press, which are secured by the First Amendment against abridgment by the United States, are among the fundamental personal rights and liberties which are secured to all persons by the Fourteenth Amendment against abridgment by a state. The safeguarding of these rights to the ends that men may speak as they think on matters vital to them and that falsehoods may be exposed through the processes of education and discussion is essential to free government. Those who won our independence had confidence in the power of free and fearless reasoning and communication of ideas to discover and spread political and economic truth.
**{{cite book|author=[[w:Frank Murphy|Frank Murphy]]|title=[[w:Thornhill v. Alabama|Thornhill v. Alabama]]|publisher=[[w:Supreme Court of the United States|Supreme Court of the United States]]|year=1940|pages= 310 U.S. 88, 95}}

*The very writers and [[Journalism|journalists]] and deep thinkers who are institutionally responsible for describing what is happening in society have instead been roped into becoming contributors to today’s [[moral panic]]. I expect ''Fox News'' and Republican political strategists to create pseudo-issues to tap into the latent racism and fear of voters. But the people who run academic departments and write for ''the Atlantic'' and stroke their chins professionally inside the ''New York Times'' are supposed to be a little savvier than that. But they are not. They have chin-stroked themselves right into validating the idea that any of this bullshit is A Real Thing, just like their ancestors did when the best and brightest minds of last century validated Joe McCarthy’s moral panic then. 
**Moral Panics Work: On the poisonous inability to diagnose bullshit, Hamilton Nolan, ''In These Times'', November 3, 2021

* The fat Russian agent was cornering all the foreign refugees in turn and explaining plausibly that this whole affair was an Anarchist plot. I watched him with some interest, for it was the first time that I had seen a person whose profession was telling lies—unless one counts journalists.
** [[George Orwell]], ''Homage to Catalonia'' (1938)

* Early in life I have noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper, but in Spain, for the first time, I saw newspaper reports which did not bear any relation to the facts, not even the relationship which is implied in an ordinary lie. I saw great battles reported where there had been no fighting, and complete silence where hundreds of men had been killed. I saw troops who had fought bravely denounced as cowards and traitors, and others who had never seen a shot fired hailed as the heroes of imaginary victories; and I saw newspapers in London retailing these lies and eager intellectuals building emotional superstructures over events that had never happened. I saw, in fact, history being written not in terms of what happened but of what ought to have happened according to various ‘party lines’. 
** [[George Orwell]], ''Looking Back on the Spanish War'' (1943)

* In a world where everyone is a publisher, no one is an editor and that is the danger we face today.
** [[w:Scott Pelley|Scott Pelley]] in a speech at [[w:Quinnipiac University|Quinnipiac University]] on 10 May 2013. {{Cite web|url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AyCD_lcl1Q|Website=YouTube|title=CBS News anchor Scott Pelley: 'We're Getting the Big Stories Wrong Over and Over Again'|}}

* It is not enough for [[journalists]] to see themselves as mere messengers without [[understanding]] the [[w:hidden agenda|hidden agenda]]s of the message and the myths that surround it.
** [[John Pilger]], 'Hidden Agendas', 1998
 
* More [[terrorist]]s are given  training  and sanctuary in the United States than anywhere on earth. They include mass murderers, [[torture]]rs, former and future [[tyrant]]s and assorted international criminals. This is virtually unknown to the American public, thanks to the freest media on earth. 
** John Pilger, [http://www.guardian.co.uk/wtccrash/story/0,1300,555452,00.html &quot;Blair has made Britain a target&quot; 21 September 2001]

* '''Many journalists now are no more than channelers and echoers of what [[George Orwell]] called the 'official truth'. They simply cipher and transmit lies.'''&lt;BR&gt; It really grieves me that so many of my fellow journalists can be so manipulated that they become really what the French describe as 'functionaires', functionaries, not journalists. Many journalists become very defensive when you suggest to them that they are anything but impartial and objective. The problem with those words '[[impartiality]]' and '[[objectivity]]' is that they have lost their dictionary meaning. They've been taken over... [they] now mean the [[The Establishment|establishment]] point of view... Journalists don't sit down and think, 'I'm now going to speak for the establishment.' Of course not. But they internalise a whole set of [[Assumption|assumptions]], and '''one of the most potent assumptions is that the world should be seen in terms of its usefulness to the West, not [[humanity]].''' 
**[[John Pilger]],  [http://www.progressive.org/nov02/intv1102.html Interview with John Pilger, ''The Progressive'', ],    November 2002

* Secretive power loathes journalists who do their job: who push back screens, peer behind façades, lift rocks. Opprobrium from on high is their badge of honour.
**{{cite book  | last =Pilger  | first =John  | authorlink =w:John Pilger  | title =Tell Me No Lies: Investigative Journalism That Changed the World  | publisher =Thunder's Mouth Press  | date =2005  | page =xv  | isbn =1560257865 }}

* We are beckoned to see the world through a one-way mirror, as if we are threatened and innocent and the rest of humanity is threatening, or wretched, or expendable. Our memory is struggling to rescue the truth that human rights were not handed down as privileges from a parliament, or a boardroom, or an institution, but that peace is only possible with justice and with information that gives us the power to act justly.
** [[John Pilger|John Pilger,]] Sydney Peace Prize acceptance speech, University of Sydney, 4 November 2009
 
* We journalists... have to be brave enough to defy those who seek our collusion in selling their latest bloody adventure in someone else's country... That means always challenging the official story, however patriotic that story may appear, however seductive and insidious it is. For propaganda relies on us in the media to aim its deceptions not at a far away country but at you at home... In this age of endless imperial war, the lives of countless men, women and children depend on the truth or their blood is on us... Those whose job it is to keep the record straight ought to be the voice of people, not power.
**[[John Pilger]], ''The War You Don't See'', ITV1 (UK), (14 December 2010)

*[[WikiLeaks]] has achieved far more than what ''The New York Times'' and ''The Washington Post'' in their celebrated incarnations did. No newspaper has come close to matching the secrets and lies of power that [[Julian Assange| [Julian] Assange]] and [[Edward Snowden|[Edward] Snowden]] have disclosed. That both men are fugitives is indicative of the retreat of liberal democracies from principles of freedom and justice. Why is WikiLeaks a landmark in journalism? Because its revelations have told us, with 100 per cent accuracy, how and why much of the world is divided and run.
**[[John Pilger]], in [https://frontline.thehindu.com/cover-story/article25661115.ece ''New Cold War &amp; looming threats, Frontline, India'']  (21 December 2018)

[[File:WikiLeaks_Truck_at_the_Whitehouse_(5821453806).jpg|thumb|[[WikiLeaks]] has achieved far more than what The New York Times and The Washington Post in their celebrated incarnations did. No newspaper has come close to matching the secrets and lies of power that Assange and Snowden have disclosed [...] Why is WikiLeaks a landmark in journalism? Because its revelations have told us, with 100 per cent accuracy, how and why much of the world is divided and run.~  [[John Pilger]] ]]

*'''Journalists can help people by telling the truth, or by as much truth as they can find, and acting not as agents of governments, of power, but of people. That is real journalism. The rest is specious and false.'''
*When I began as a journalist, especially as a foreign correspondent, the press in the UK was conservative and owned by powerful establishment forces, as it is now. But the difference compared to today is that there were spaces for independent journalism that dissented from the received 'wisdom' of authority. That space has now all but closed and independent journalists have gone to the internet, or to a metaphoric underground. 
*The single biggest challenge is rescuing journalism from its deferential role as the stenographer of great power. The United States has constitutionally the freest press on earth, yet in practice it has a media obsequious to the formulas and deceptions of power. That is why the US was effectively given media approval to invade Iraq, and Libya, and Syria and dozens of other countries.
*[[WikiLeaks]] is possibly the most exciting development in journalism in my lifetime. As an [[investigative journalism|investigative journalist]], I have often had to rely on the courageous, principled acts of whistle-blowers. The truth about the Vietnam War was told when [[Daniel Ellsberg]] leaked the Pentagon Papers. The truth about Iraq and Afghanistan, and Saudi Arabia and many other flashpoints was told when WikiLeaks published the revelations of whistle-blowers.
*When you consider that 100 percent of WikiLeaks leaks are authentic and accurate, you can understand the impact, as well as the fury generated among secretive powerful forces. Julian Assange is a political refugee in London for one reason only: '''WikiLeaks told the truth about the greatest crimes of the 21st century. He is not forgiven for that, and he should be supported by journalists and by people everywhere.'''
**[[John Pilger]], quoted in [https://www.thedailystar.net/opinion/interviews/news/real-journalists-act-agents-people-not-power-1687921 ''Real journalists act as agents of people, not power, Daily Star (Bangladesh)'']    (16 January 2019)

*To quote, without verifiable evidence, &quot;western intelligence sources&quot; is never journalism; it is almost always propaganda. I learned that as a reporter. The cold war drum beat of the '''BBC''' and others is leading us to a world war.
**[https://twitter.com/johnpilger/status/1285869017412956160 Twitter]  (22 July 2020)

*A news sense is really a sense of what is important, what is vital, what has color and life — what people are interested in. That's journalism.
** [[Burton Rascoe]], as quoted in ''Useful Quotations : A Cyclopedia of Quotations'' (1933) edited by [[Tryon Edwards]], C. N. Catrevas, and Jonathan Edwards

* Controversy? You can't be any kind of reporter worthy of the name and avoid controversy completely. You can't be a good reporter and not be fairly regularly involved in some kind of controversy. And I don't think you can be a great reporter and avoid controversy very often, because one of the roles a good journalist plays is to tell the tough truths as well as the easy truths. And the tough truths will lead you to controversy, and even a search for the tough truths will cost you something. Please don't make this play or read as any complaint, it's trying to explain this goes with the territory if you're a journalist of integrity. That if you start out a journalist or if you reach a point in journalism where you say, &quot;Listen, I'm just not going not touch anything that could possibly be controversial,&quot; then you ought to get out.
**[[Dan Rather]], interview in {{cite news   | last =Staff  | title =Dan Rather Interview: Broadcast Journalist, On the Frontlines of Breaking News  | work =[[w:Academy of Achievement|Academy of Achievement]]  | date =[[May 5]], [[2001]]  | url =http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/rat0int-1  | accessdate =2009-02-20 }}

* What a monstrous thing that a University should teach journalism! I thought that was only done at Oxford. This respect for the filthy multitude is ruining civilisation.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], in a letter to Lucy Martin Donnely (July 6, 1902).

* But I'll report it&lt;br&gt;Where senators shall mingle tears with smiles.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Coriolanus]]'' (c. 1607-08), Act I, scene 9, line 2.

* Report me and my cause aright&lt;br&gt;To the unsatisfied.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act V, scene 2, line 350.

* Bring me no more reports.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'' (1605), Act V, scene 3, line 1.

* I don't think it has ever been as scary as it is right now. Because it seems that all journalists are under threat
** '''Najib Sharifi''' head of the [[Afghan]] Journalists Safety Committee, in an interview with [[DW]] posted to [https://www.dw.com/en/2020-dozens-of-journalists-killed-in-targeted-attacks/a-56078207 2020: Dozens of journalists killed in targeted attacks] 2020

* I still believe that if your aim is to change the world, journalism is a more immediate short-term weapon.
** Interview, ''The Guardian'' (London, [[1988-03-18]])

* I don't want to be part of the story. I want to be an anonymous, quiet onlooker who tries to work out what the hell is happening - its not easy - and then tells other people about it. I don't like being a figure in the thing.
**[[w:John Simpson|John Simpson]], interview in {{cite news   | last =Barnes  | first =Nicky  | title =Interview: John Simpson - John Simpson is one of the most respected journalists in the world. On a visit to Norwich he talked about his book Not Quite World's End, whether he will ever think of retiring and how life looks now he is the father - at 63 - of a new baby  | work =BBC Norfolk  | publisher =[[w:BBC|BBC]]  | date =[[October 12]], [[2007]]  | url =http://www.bbc.co.uk/norfolk/content/articles/2007/10/12/feature_john_simpson_oct07_feature.shtml  | accessdate =2009-02-20  }}

[[File:William Thomas Stead.jpg|thumb|The Press is at once the eye and the ear and the tongue of the people. It is the visible speech, if not the voice, of the democracy. It is the phonograph of the world. &amp;ndash; [[w:William Thomas Stead|William Thomas Stead]]]]
* The Press is at once the eye and the ear and the tongue of the people. It is the visible speech, if not the voice, of the democracy. It is the phonograph of the world.
**[[w:William Thomas Stead|William Thomas Stead]] (May 1886) &quot;Government by Journalism&quot;, ''Contemporary Review''.

* Journalism (definition): The art, or science, of representing life as a series of clichés.
** {{cite book  | last =Summberbell| first =Richard | authorlink =Richard Summerbell | title = Abnormally Happy | publisher =New Star Books  | date =1985  | page =30  | isbn = 091957341X}}

* To be completely cured of newspapers, spend a year reading the previous week’s newspapers.
** [[Nassim N. Taleb]], ''The Bed of Procrustes: Philosophical and Practical Aphorisms'' (2010), p. 21

* I've always had standards about writing well. There is art in this business. There is potentially great art.
**[[w:Gay Talese|Gay Talese]] (September 14, 2006) &amp;mdash; reported in {{cite news   | last =Cathcart   | first =Rebecca   | title =Lecture: Gay Talese  | work =Bullpen: NYU Journalism  | publisher =[[w:New York University|New York University]]  | url =http://journalism.nyu.edu/pubzone/bullpen/gay_talese/lecture/  | accessdate =2009-02-20}}

* The art of a news reporter is to learn how to lull a victim, because all good reporters are confidence tricksters in embryo.
**[[w:Derek Tangye|Derek Tangye]], British author, Chapter VII, ''The Way to Minack'' (1968).

[[File:Helen Thomas - USNWR.jpg|thumb|It is my hope that future journalists will adhere to the true principles of the profession and understand that they play a vital role in helping to keep democracy and the exchange of free ideas alive at home and abroad. &amp;ndash; [[Helen Thomas]]]]
* I do not think that journalism is a dying art. If anything, I believe it is more important than ever, and journalists worldwide are adapting to our modus operandi - to make public officials accountable to the people. The role of the journalist is indispensable, and as reviled as reporters may intermittently be, they are still highly respected when the pursue the truth and obtain positive results. It is my hope that future journalists will adhere to the true principles of the profession and understand that they play a vital role in helping to keep democracy and the exchange of free ideas alive at home and abroad.
**{{cite book  | last =Thomas  | first =Helen  | authorlink =Helen Thomas  | title =Watchdogs of Democracy?  | publisher =[[w:Simon and Schuster|Simon and Schuster]]  | date =2006  | page =Foreword  | isbn = 0743267818}}

* So much for Objective Journalism. Don't bother to look for it here—not under any byline of mine; or anyone else I can think of. With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.
**{{cite book|author=Thompson, Hunter S.|authorlink=Hunter S. Thompson|title=Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72|date=April 22, 1985|page= 48|isbn=0446313645}}

* &quot;Why bother with newspapers, if this is all they offer? [[w:Spiro Agnew|Agnew]] was right. The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits— a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.&quot;
** [[Hunter S. Thompson]], ''Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas'' p. 200 (1971)

* Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.
**{{cite book|author=[[w:United Nations General Assembly|United Nations General Assembly]]|title=[[w:Universal Declaration of Human Rights|Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]|publisher=[[w:United Nations|United Nations]]|location=[[w:Palais de Chaillot|Palais de Chaillot]], [[w:Paris|Paris]]|year=[[December 10]], [[1948]]|pages= Article 19}}[http://www.un.org/Overview/rights.html Text]

* I mean to work for ''[[60 Minutes]]'', and be able to go any place in the world, do any story, have enough time on the air, et cetera, there is simply no job in journalism like it. At the beginning, it was a dream. Even now, at the age of 84, I work with people who are half my age or less, and it is the draw of the story. If there is a good story going, why not be there?
**[[w:Mike Wallace|Mike Wallace]], interview in {{cite news   | last =Staff  | title =Mike Wallace Interview: CBS News Correspondent, 60 Minutes of Truth  | work =[[w:Academy of Achievement|Academy of Achievement]]  | date =[[June 8]], [[2002]]  | url =http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/wal2int-1  | accessdate = 2009-02-20 }}

* News is what a chap who doesn't care much about anything wants to read. And it's only news until he's read it. After that it's dead.
**[[Evelyn Waugh]] (1938) ''Scoop'', I, Chapter 5, Sect. 1 &amp;mdash; Quote reproduced in {{cite book  | last =Crystal  | first =David  | coauthors =Hillary Crystal  | title =Words on Words: Quotations about Language and Languages  | publisher =University of Chicago Press  | date =2000  | page = 277  | isbn = 0226122018}}

* It's a truism that denials never quite catch up with charges. Honest journalists who may have mistakenly printed false information know that the most prominent retraction never quite undoes the damage done by the original publication.
** [[w:Tom Wicker|Tom Wicker]], [http://www.nytimes.com/1989/06/09/opinion/in-the-nation-lesson-of-lattimore.html &quot;In the Nation; Lesson of Lattimore&quot;] (June 9, 1989), ''The New York Times''.

* It was a fatal day when the public discovered that the pen is mightier than the paving-stone, and can be made as offensive as the brickbat. They at once sought for the journalist, found him, developed him, and made him their industrious and well-paid servant. It is greatly to be regretted, for both their sakes. Behind the barricade there may be much that is noble and heroic. But what is there behind the leading-article but prejudice, stupidity, cant, and twaddle? And when these four are joined together they make a terrible force, and constitute the new authority.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], [[w: The Soul of Man under Socialism|The Soul of Man under Socialism]] (1891), &lt;ref&gt;Wilde, Oscar, (1891 / 1912) The Soul of Man Under Socialism, London, Arthur L. Humphreys.  Retrieved from University of California Libraries [https://archive.org Archive.org] 13 February 2018  https://archive.org/details/soulofmanunderso00wildiala&lt;/ref&gt;

* In the old days men had the rack. Now they have the Press. That is an Improvement certainly. but still it is very bad, and wrong, and demoralising. Somebody - was it Burke? - called journalism the fourth estate. That was true at the time, no doubt. But at the present moment it really is the only estate. It has eaten up the other three. The Lords Temporal say nothing, The Lords Spiritual have nothing to say and the House of Commons has nothing to say and says it. We are dominated by journalism.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], [[w: The Soul of Man under Socialism|The Soul of Man under Socialism]] (1891), &lt;ref&gt;Wilde, Oscar, (1891 / 1912) The Soul of Man Under Socialism, London, Arthur L. Humphreys.  Retrieved from University of California Libraries [https://archive.org Archive.org] 13 February 2018  https://archive.org/details/soulofmanunderso00wildiala&lt;/ref&gt;

*In America, the President reigns for four years, and journalism governs for ever and ever. Fortunately, in America journalism has carried its authority to the grossest and most brutal extreme. As a natural consequence it has begun to create a spirit of revolt, people are amused by it, or disgusted by it, according to their temperaments. but it is no longer the real force it was. It is not seriously treated. In England, journalism, except in a few well-known instances, not having been carried to such excesses of brutality, is still a great factor, a remarkable power. The tyranny that it proposes to exercise over people's private lives seems to me to be quite extraordinary.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], [[w: The Soul of Man under Socialism|The Soul of Man under Socialism]] (1891), &lt;ref&gt;Wilde, Oscar, (1891 / 1912) The Soul of Man Under Socialism, London, Arthur L. Humphreys.  Retrieved from University of California Libraries [https://archive.org Archive.org] 13 February 2018  https://archive.org/details/soulofmanunderso00wildiala&lt;/ref&gt;

*Here we allow absolute freedom to the journalist and entirely limit the artist. English public opinion, that is to say, tries to constrain and impede and warp the man who makes things that are beautiful in effect, and compels the journalist to retail things that are ugly, or disgusting, or revolting in fact, so that we have the most serious journalists in the world and the most indecent newspapers.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], [[w: The Soul of Man under Socialism|The Soul of Man under Socialism]] (1891), &lt;ref&gt;Wilde, Oscar, (1891 / 1912) The Soul of Man Under Socialism, London, Arthur L. Humphreys.  Retrieved from University of California Libraries [https://archive.org Archive.org] 13 February 2018  https://archive.org/details/soulofmanunderso00wildiala&lt;/ref&gt;

* The fact is, that the public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having tradesmanlike  habits, supplies their demands 
** [[Oscar Wilde]], [[w: The Soul of Man under Socialism|The Soul of Man under Socialism]] (1891), &lt;ref&gt;Wilde, Oscar, (1891 / 1912) The Soul of Man Under Socialism, London, Arthur L. Humphreys.  Retrieved from University of California Libraries [https://archive.org Archive.org] 26 February 2018  https://archive.org/details/soulofmanunderso00wildiala&lt;/ref&gt;

* There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community. By carefully chronicling the current events of contemporary life, it shows us of what very little importance such events really are. By invariably discussing the unnecessary, it makes us understand what things are requisite for culture, and what are not.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], ''The Critic as Artist'' (1891), Part II

* Ernest: But what is the difference between Literature and Journalism? Gilbert: Journalism is unreadable and Literature is not read. That is all.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], [[w: The Critic as Artist|The Critic as Artist]] Part I (1891), &lt;ref&gt;Wilde, Oscar, (1891 / 1905) The Critic As Artist Part II, in Intentions New York, Bretanos.  Retrieved from Library of Congress Americana [https://archive.org Archive.org] 26 February 2018  https://archive.org/details/intentionsdecayo00wild&lt;/ref&gt;

*As for modern Journalism, its not my business to defend it. It justifies its own existence by the great Darwinian principle of the survival of the vulgarest.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], [[w: The Critic as Artist|The Critic as Artist]] Part I (1891), &lt;ref&gt;Wilde, Oscar, (1891 / 1905) The Critic As Artist Part II, in Intentions New York, Bretanos.  Retrieved from Library of Congress Americana [https://archive.org Archive.org] 26 February 2018  https://archive.org/details/intentionsdecayo00wild&lt;/ref&gt;

* &lt;p&gt;You cannot hope &lt;br /&gt; to bribe or twist, &lt;br /&gt; thank God! the &lt;br /&gt; British journalist.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; But, seeing what &lt;br /&gt; the man will do &lt;br /&gt; unbribed, there's &lt;br /&gt; no occasion to.&lt;/p&gt;
** [[Humbert Wolfe]], &quot;Over the Fire&quot;, in ''The Uncelestial City'' (1930).

* If somebody came from Mars to America and went around for months or years, and then you asked them who has the best jobs, they would say the journalists, because the journalists get to make momentary entries into people's lives when they are interesting, and get out when they cease to be interesting.
**[[Bob Woodward]], interview in {{cite news   | last =Bradlee  | first =Ben  | title =Bob Woodward Interview: Investigative Reporter, Journalist for Truth  | work =[[w:Academy of Achievement|Academy of Achievement]]  | pages =Page 7 of 9  | date =[[May 1]], [[2003]]  | url =http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/woo1int-7  | accessdate = 2009-02-20 }}

* I hate journalists. There is nothing in them but tittering jeering emptiness... The shallowest people on the ridge of the earth.
** [[W. B. Yeats]] Letter to [[Katharine Tynan]] (30 August 1888)

* A Statesman is an easy man, &lt;br /&gt; He tells his lies by rote; &lt;br /&gt; A Journalist makes up his lies, &lt;br /&gt; And takes you by the throat.
** [[W. B. Yeats]] in The Old Stone Cross

===''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''===
:&lt;small&gt;Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 407-08.&lt;/small&gt;

* I would  *  *  *  earnestly advise them for their good to order this paper to be punctually served up, and to be looked upon as a part of the tea equipage.
** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Spectator'', No. 10.

* They consume a considerable quantity of our paper manufacture, employ our artisans in printing, and find business for great numbers of indigent persons.
** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Spectator'', No. 367.

* Advertisements are of great use to the vulgar. First of all, as they are instruments of ambition. A man that is by no means big enough for the Gazette, may easily creep into the advertisements; by which means we often see an apothecary in the same paper of news with a plenipotentiary, or a running footman with an ambassador.
** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Tatler'', No. 224.

* The great art in writing advertisements is the finding out a proper method to catch the reader's eye; without which a good thing may pass over unobserved, or be lost among commissions of bankrupt.
** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Tatler'', No. 224.

* Ask how to live? Write, write, write, anything;&lt;br&gt;The world's a fine believing world, write news.
** [[Beaumont and Fletcher]], ''Wit without Money'', Act II.

* [The opposition Press] which is in the hands of malecontents who have failed in their career.
** [[Otto von Bismarck]], to a deputation from Rügen to the King (Nov. 10, 1862).

* Hear, land o' cakes, and brither Scots,&lt;br&gt;Frae Maidenkirk to Johnny Groat's;&lt;br&gt;If there's a hole in a' your coats,&lt;br&gt;* I rede you tent it:&lt;br&gt;A chiel's amang you taking notes,&lt;br&gt;* And, faith, he'll prent it.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''On Capt. Grose's Peregrinations Through Scotland''.

* The editor sat in his sanctum, his countenance furrowed with care,&lt;br&gt;His mind at the bottom of business, his feet at the top of a chair,&lt;br&gt;His chair-arm an elbow supporting, his right hand upholding his head,&lt;br&gt;His eyes on his dusty old table, with different documents spread.
** [[Will Carleton]], ''Farm Ballads'', ''The Editor's Guests''.

* Burke said there were Three Estates in Parliament; but, in the Reporter's gallery yonder, there sat a fourth estate more important far than they all.
** [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''Heroes and Hero-Worship''. Lecture V. Burke is credited with having invented the term, but it does not appear in his published works. The &quot;three estates of the realm&quot; are the Lords Spiritual, The Lords Temporal, and the Commons. David Lindslay—Ane pleasant satyre of the Three Estatis. (1535). Rabelais—in Pantagruel, 4–48 describes a monk, a falconer, a lawyer, and a husbandman called the &quot;four estates of the island.&quot; (Les quatre estatz de l'isle).

* A parliament speaking through reporters to Buncombe and the Twenty-seven millions, mostly fools.
** [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''Latter Day Pamphlets''. No, VI. Parliaments.

* Get your facts first, and then you can distort 'em as much as you please.
** [[Mark Twain]], ''Interview with Kipling'', ''In From Sea to Sea'', Epistle 37.

* Only a newspaper! Quick read, quick lost,&lt;br&gt;Who sums the treasure that it carries hence?&lt;br&gt;Torn, trampled under feet, who counts thy cost,&lt;br&gt;Star-eyed intelligence?
** [[Mary Clemmer]], ''The Journalist'', Stanza 9.

* To serve thy generation, this thy fate:&lt;br&gt;&quot;Written in water,&quot; swiftly fades thy name;&lt;br&gt;But he who loves his kind does, first and late,&lt;br&gt;A work too great for fame.
** [[Mary Clemmer]], ''The Journalist''. Last Stanza.

* I believe it has been said that one copy of the Times contains more useful information than the whole of the historical works of Thucydides.
** [[Richard Cobden]], speech at the Manchester Athenæum, Dec. 27, 1850. See The Times, Dec. 30, 1830, p. 7. Quoted in Morley's Life of Cobden. Note, Volume II, p. 429. Also reference to same, p. 428.

* Did Charity prevail, the press would prove&lt;br&gt;A vehicle of virtue, truth, and love.
** [[William Cowper]], ''Charity'', line 624.

* How shall I speak thee, or thy power address,&lt;br&gt;Thou God of our idolatry, the Press.&lt;br&gt;*    *    *    *    *&lt;br&gt;Like Eden's dead probationary tree,&lt;br&gt;Knowledge of good and evil is from thee.
** [[William Cowper]], ''Progress of Error'', line 452.

* He comes, the herald of a noisy world,&lt;br&gt;With spatter'd boots, strapp'd waist, and frozen locks;&lt;br&gt;News from all nations lumbering at his back.
** [[William Cowper]], ''The Task'' (1785), Book IV, line 5.

* When found, make a note of.
** [[Charles Dickens]], ''Dombey and Son'', Chapter 15.

* Miscellanists are the most popular writers among every people; for it is they who form a communication between the learned and the unlearned, and, as it were, throw a bridge between those two great divisions of the public.
** [[Isaac D'Israeli]], ''Literary Character of Men of Genius'', Miscellanists.

* None of our political writers … take notice of any more than three estates, namely, Kings, Lords and Commons … passing by in silence that very large and powerful body which form the fourth estate in the community … the Mob.
** [[Henry Fielding]], ''Covent Garden Journal'' (June 13, 1752).

* Caused by a dearth of scandal should the vapors&lt;br&gt;Distress our fair ones—let them read the papers.
** [[David Garrick]], ''Prologue to Sheridan's School for Scandal''.

* The liberty of the press is the palladium of all the civil, political, and religious rights of an Englishman.
** [[Junius]], ''Dedication to Letters''.

* The highest reach of a news-writer is an empty Reasoning on Policy, and vain Conjectures on the public Management.
** [[Jean de La Bruyère]], ''The Characters or Manners of the Present Age'' (1688), Chapter I.

* The News-writer lies down at Night in great Tranquillity, upon a piece of News which corrupts before Morning, and which he is obliged to throw away as soon as he awakes.
** [[Jean de La Bruyère]], ''The Characters or Manners of the Present Age'' (1688), Chapter I.

* Tout faiseur de journaux doit tribut au Malin.
** Every newspaper editor owes tribute to the devil.
** [[Jean de La Fontaine]], ''Lettre à Simon de Troyes'' (1686).

* Newspapers always excite curiosity. No one ever lays one down without a feeling of disappointment.
** [[Charles Lamb]], ''Essays of Elia'', ''Detached Thoughts on Books and Reading''.

* Behold the whole huge earth sent to me hebdomadally in a brown paper wrapper.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''Biglow Papers'', Series I. No. 6.

* I fear three newspapers more than a hundred thousand bayonets.
** [[Napoleon I]].

* The penny-papers of New York do more to govern this country than the White House at Washington.
** [[Wendell Phillips]].

* We live under a government of men and morning newspapers.
** [[Wendell Phillips]].

* The press is like the air, a chartered libertine.
** [[William Pitt]], to Lord Grenville (About 1757).

* The mob of gentlemen who wrote with ease.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Epistles of Horace'', Epistle I, Book II, line 108.

* Cela est escrit. Il est vray.
** The thing is written. It is true.
** [[François Rabelais]], ''Pantagruel''.

* Can it be maintained that a person of any education can learn anything worth knowing from a penny paper? It may be said that people may learn what is said in Parliament. Well, will that contribute to their education?
** Salisbury (Lord Robert Cecil), Speeches. House of Commons, 1861. On the Repeal of the Paper Duties.

* The newspapers! Sir, they are the most villanous—licentious—abominable—infernal—not that I ever read them—no—I make it a rule never to look into a newspaper.
** [[Richard Brinsley Sheridan]], ''The Critic'', Act I, scene 1.

* Trade hardly deems the busy day begun&lt;br&gt;Till his keen eye along the sheet has run;&lt;br&gt;The blooming daughter throws her needle by,&lt;br&gt;And reads her schoolmate's marriage with a sigh;&lt;br&gt;While the grave mother puts her glasses on,&lt;br&gt;And gives a tear to some old crony gone.&lt;br&gt;The preacher, too, his Sunday theme lays down&lt;br&gt;To know what last new folly fills the town;&lt;br&gt;Lively or sad, life's meanest, mightiest things,&lt;br&gt;The fate of fighting cocks, or fighting kings.
** [[Sprague]], ''Curiosity''.

* Here shall the Press the People's right maintain,&lt;br&gt;Unawed by influence and unbribed by gain;&lt;br&gt;Here Patriot Truth her glorious precepts draw,&lt;br&gt;Pledged to Religion, Liberty, and Law.
** [[Joseph Story]], ''Motto of the Salem Register''. Adopted 1802. Reported in William W. Story's ''Life of Joseph Story'', Volume I, Chapter VI.

* The thorn in the cushion of the editorial chair.
** [[William Makepeace Thackeray]], ''Roundabout Papers'', ''The Thorn in the Cushion''.

==Attributed==

* Knoll's Law of Media Accuracy: Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true — except for the rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge.
** [[w:Erwin Knoll|Erwin Knoll]], editor, ''The Progressive''

* In America the president reigns for four years, and journalism governs forever and ever.
**[[Oscar Wilde]] &amp;mdash; quoted in {{cite book  | last =Janis  | first =Lois August  | title =Voyage to Insight  | publisher =CMJ Publishers and Distrib.  | date =2003  | pages =Page 70  | isbn = 1891280406}}

* When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news.
** John B. Bogartto, ''New York Sun'' editor. Attributed in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 16th edition, 1992, p. 554. See also [[w:Man_bites_dog_(journalism)]]

* I do not care for the big 'ideas' of novelists.  Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.
** [[Will Cuppy]] in Stanley J. Kunitz and Howard Haycraft (eds.), ''Twentieth Century Authors'', New York: H.W. Wilson Company, 1942, p. 342.

* Experience has shown that newspapers are one of the best means of directing opinion – of quieting feverish movements – of causing the lies and artificial rumours by which the enemies of the State may attempt to carry on their evil designs to vanish. In these public papers, instruction may descend from the Government to the people, or ascend from the people to the Government; the greater the freedom allowed, the more correctly may a judgment be formed upon the course of opinion - with so much the greater certainty will it act.
**[[Jeremy Bentham]] &amp;mdash; quoted in {{cite book  | last =Andrews  | first =Alexander  | title =The History of British Journalism: From the Foundation of the Newspaper Press in England to the Repeal of the Stamp Act in 1855, with Sketches of Press Celebrities  | publisher =R. Bentley  | date =1859  | pages =Volume II, Page 179 }}

* Journalism is the first rough draft of history.
:* Originally stated in slightly different forms “News/The press [is the] … first rough draft of history”, this form dates at least to the 1940s, and was most likely popularized by {{w|Alan Barth}}, as an editorial writer for the ''Washington Post'' in the 1940s. The sentiment appears several times in the editorial pages of the ''Post'' in that era, with the earliest citation from Barth being 1943:&lt;ref name=&quot;shafer2010&quot;/&gt;
:: News is only the first rough draft of history.
::* {{w|Alan Barth}}, review of ''The Autobiography of a Curmudgeon'' by {{w|Harold L. Ickes}} in ''{{w|New Republic}},'' 1943, collected in ''The New Republic,'' Volume 108, [http://books.google.com/books?id=cDgQAAAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22draft+of+history%22 p. 677]
:* Subsequent uses in the ''Post'' include:
:: ''Newspapers,'' after all, are ''the first drafts of history,'' or pretend they are.
::* Unsigned &quot;Editor's Note&quot; in ''The Washington Post'' (16 October 1944)
:* Similar sentiment date to the first decade of the 1900s, including:&lt;ref name=&quot;popik&quot;&gt;[http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/first_draft_of_history_journalism/ “First draft of history” (journalism)], November 23, 2009, Barry Popik&lt;/ref&gt;
:: It is possible that ''a first rough draft of the History,'' down to 413, may have been sketched by Thucydides before 405.
::* (omits “news”, refers to specific text) 1902, {{w|Richard Claverhouse Jebb}}, [http://www.1902encyclopedia.com/T/THU/thucydides.html Thucydides], Encyclopaedia Britannica, 10th Edition (1902)&lt;ref&gt;Cited by Babette Hogan in comments to Shafer 2010&lt;/ref&gt;
:: The ''newspapers'' are making morning after morning ''the rough draft of history.'' Later, the historian will come, take down the old files, and transform the crude but sincere and accurate annals of editors and reporters into history, into literature. The modern school must study the daily newspaper.
::* (omits “first”) 1905 December 5, The State, “[http://blog.readex.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/TP-State-News-Draft-Dec-5-1905.pdf The Educational Value of 'News.’]” Page 4, Column 4, Columbia, South Carolina&lt;ref&gt;[http://blog.readex.com/newspapers-the-rough-draft-of-history Newspapers: “the rough draft of history”], by Tony Pettinato, October 4th, 2010&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref&gt;Cited by Garson O'Toole of [http://QuoteInvestigator.com Quote Investigator], citing the database GenealogyBank, in comments to Shafer 2010&lt;/ref&gt;
::A reporter is a young man who blocks out ''the first draft of history'' each day on a rheumatic typewriter.
::* (omits “rough”) 3 July 1914, Lincoln (NE) Daily Star, “The Reporter” by [[w:George Helgesen Fitch|George Fitch]], pg. 6, col. 4&lt;ref name=&quot;popik&quot; /&gt;
:* This quote is generally incorrectly credited to {{w|Philip L. Graham}}, in an address to ''Newsweek'' correspondents in London (1963):&lt;ref name=&quot;shafer2010&quot;&gt;“[http://www.slate.com/id/2265540/pagenum/all Who Said It First? Journalism is the 'first rough draft of history.’]” by {{w|Jack Shafer}}, ''Slate'' (30 August 2010)&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref&gt;''Personal History'' (1997) by {{w|Katharine Graham}}&lt;/ref&gt;
::So let us today drudge on about our inescapably impossible task of providing every week ''a first rough draft of history'' that will never be completed about a world we can never really understand.
:* While this may have popularized the quote, earlier statements were given by others (as above), and even by Graham himself, including:
:: The inescapable hurry of the press inevitably means a certain degree of superficiality. It is neither within our power nor our province to be ultimately profound. We write 365 days a year ''the first rough draft of history,'' and that is a very great task.
::* Address to the American Society for Public Administration (8 March 1953)&lt;ref&gt;Published in “[http://www.jstor.org/stable/972460 Public Administration and the Press]”, Philip L. Graham, ''Public Administration Review'', Volume 13, No. 2 (Spring, 1953), pp. 87–88&lt;/ref&gt;
:* Various other misattributions exist – {{w|Helen Thomas}} misattributes it to {{w|Ben Bradlee}} in her memoir ''First Row at the White House''.&lt;ref&gt;{{cite book| title=Front Row at the White House: My Life and Times | authorlink=Helen Thomas | publisher=Simon and Schuster | year=2000 | isbn=0684845687 | last=Thomas | first=Helen | page=383}}&lt;/ref&gt;


==See also==
* [[Alternative media]]
* [[Investigative journalism]]
* [[News]]
* [[Newspapers]]
* [[Mainstream media]]
* [[Propaganda]]

==References==
&lt;references/&gt;

==External links==
{{similarlinks}}
[https://www.fourthestate.org/journalism-quotes/ Journalism Quotes at the Fourth Estate]

[[Category:Journalism| ]]
[[Category:Occupations]]
[[fa:روزنامه‌نگاری]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Leo Babauta</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <text bytes="1389" xml:space="preserve">'''Leo Babauta''' is a blogger, journalist and published author from the US territory of Guam who presently lives in San Francisco, famous for his blog '''''[[w:Zen Habits|Zen Habits]]'''''.

== Quotes ==

=== ''[[w:Zen Habits|Zen Habits]]'' (2007–present) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Quotes from his blog &lt;/small&gt;
* I read because I love the experience, because it is a powerful teacher of life, because it transforms me.
** http://zenhabits.net/read/ ''How to Read More: A Lover’s Guide''  (3 October 2011)

* Make it so easy you can't say no.
** https://zenhabits.net/habitses/ ''The Four Habits that Form Habits''  (13 February, 2013)

* Now think about every object you touch — your phone, a dish, a cup, a book, your laptop, your shirt. Imagine that each object were sacred, precious, a deeply valuable gift. Imagine that they were as valuable as your eyeballs. Now imagine treating this object with the kind of care and respect you'd treat your own eyeballs with. Would this change how you treat things?
** From Zen Habits, 7 July 2020

* We can create a fearless life by living daily out of our comfort zone, and in the deliciousness of uncertainty.
** From Zen Habits, 22 July 2022

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://zenhabits.net/ zenhabits.net]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Babauta, Leo}}
[[Category:Internet personalities‎]]
[[Category:Motivational authors‎]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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        <id>3126681</id>
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      <text bytes="1488" xml:space="preserve">'''Leo Babauta''' is a blogger, journalist and published author from the US territory of Guam who presently lives in San Francisco, famous for his blog '''''[[w:Zen Habits|Zen Habits]]'''''.

== Quotes ==

=== ''[[w:Zen Habits|Zen Habits]]'' (2007–present) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Quotes from his blog &lt;/small&gt;
* I read because I love the experience, because it is a powerful teacher of life, because it transforms me.
** http://zenhabits.net/read/ ''How to Read More: A Lover’s Guide''  (3 October 2011)

* Make it so easy you can't say no.
** https://zenhabits.net/habitses/ ''The Four Habits that Form Habits''  (13 February, 2013)

* Now think about every object you touch — your phone, a dish, a cup, a book, your laptop, your shirt. Imagine that each object were sacred, precious, a deeply valuable gift. Imagine that they were as valuable as your eyeballs. Now imagine treating this object with the kind of care and respect you'd treat your own eyeballs with. Would this change how you treat things?
** From Zen Habits, 7 July 2020

* We can create a fearless life by living daily out of our comfort zone, and in the deliciousness of uncertainty.
** From Zen Habits, 22 July 2022

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://zenhabits.net/ zenhabits.net]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Babauta, Leo}}
[[Category:Journalists from the United States‎]]
[[Category:Bloggers from the United States‎]]
[[Category:Internet personalities‎]]
[[Category:Motivational authors‎]]
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      <text bytes="492017" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:WWE Raw|WWE RAW]]''''' (formerly '''''WWF Monday Night Raw''''', '''''WWF RAW Is WAR''''', and '''''WWF War Zone''''') is a wrestling program that has aired on Monday nights since January 11, 1993.

== 1996 ==

===February 19===
:''[after Goldust walks out on Razor Ramon during their Intercontinental Championship match, getting himself counted out but keeping his title]''
:'''Razor Ramon''' ''[taking a microphone]'': Hey yo! Cut the music! ''[his music stops]'' Everybody, listen...to me. Goldust...I don't want your belt. I want...your ass!
:''[the crowd cheers]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well, we said it was RAW!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': What?!
:'''Razor''': You know...I've been hearing so much about...the return, of the &quot;great one&quot;; the legend from the glory days is back. He's our new president, Roddy &quot;Rowdy&quot; Piper.
:'''Jerry''': He's been knocked senseless, McMahon.
:'''Razor''': Well Piper, I heard you say one time...that you got six kids. And that makes you &quot;Hot Rod&quot;. &quot;Well, Razor...Razor, he loves the little kids.&quot; I love the kids, and Piper, you like me, you from the streets - different neighborhoods, same streets. I don't want my kids watching this kind of stuff on TV!
:''[the crowd cheers again]''
:'''Jerry''': What's he saying, McMahon??
:'''Razor''': So Piper, the only thing missing, ''chico''...is make a match! I want Goldust, anywhere, anytime! And Goldust! And Goldust, everybody knows...that you want me! You think I'm sexy? You think I'm hot? You right! So Piper, ooh, Roddy &quot;Rowdy&quot; Piper...okay, big shot, I challenge you, you the, uh...matchmaker...make me a match. Goldust, let's have a date. YEAH!!
:'''Vince''': Razor Ramon, ladies and gentlemen, obviously wants a rematch, with Goldust, and I'm not too sure that he's overly concerned with the title!

===May 27===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Alright, standing by, a very unhappy Ted DiBiase. Mr. DiBiase, you're not very happy at all with the latest turn of events, are you?
:'''[[w:Ted DiBiase|Ted DiBiase]]''': ''[with Stone Cold Steve Austin]'' No, I'm not happy at all, McMahon. To say that Savio Vega's victory last night was a fluke, is an understatement. I mean, the lights were out. Who knows how many times Savio Vega touched the turnbuckles. What I'm saying is, there's no way on his best day Savio Vega defeats Stone Cold Steve Austin...
:'''Vince''': Well, you were counting on Savio being your chauffeur; that did not happen, and Savio Vega was victorious. Now, the rematch has been signed for tomorrow night, and again, it's going to be a Caribbean Strap match, and I would suggest that you still want Savio to...well, that provision, you still want to challenge him, do you?
:'''Ted''': I want to sweeten the pie, McMahon.
:'''Vince''': Sweeten the pie?
:'''Ted''': Savio Vega, you keep that stipulation in there, 'cause you're gonna be my chauffeur. And I'll tell you what. I'm so confident that this man is gonna beat you tomorrow night that I'll put a stipulation in there. If Steve Austin, if Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't beat you tomorrow night, Savio Vega, the &quot;Million Dollar Man&quot; Ted DiBiase will forfeit his career! I will leave the World Wrestling Federation! Did you hear me, McMahon?! Did you hear me, Vega?! I will leave the World Wrestling Federation!

=== September 23 ===
:'''[[w:Jim Ross|Jim Ross]]:''' In just a couple of minutes, I'm going to bring Big Daddy Cool, [[w:Kane (wrestler)|Diesel]] and [[w:Rick Bognar|Razor Ramon]] right out here. But before I do, I'd like to beg your indulgence for just a minute and tell you something I got on my mind. There's something I've been wanting to say for a long long time. And when I'm through telling you, many of you are going to question my loyalty to the [[W:World Wrestling Entertainment|World Wrestling Federation]] so let's clear that up right now. I have no loyalty to the World Wrestling Federation, I only got loyalty to good ol' J.R., and let me tell you why. In 1993, I left a great job in Atlanta, Georgia, and I left the [[w:Atlanta Falcons|Atlanta Falcons]] of the [[w:National Football League|National Football League]] to go to the recognized leader of sports entertainment, the WWF. I came here to be the primary play-by-play man in the WWF. I don't think anybody here is going to disagree that I am the best play-by-play man in the whole damn business! So I show up for work the first day at [[w:WrestleMania IX|WrestleMania IX]] in Las Vegas, Nevada, and they give me a sheet to wear. They said, &quot;Oh it's going to be a toga. You'll look good in a toga, J.R.&quot; I leave the National Football League for a toga. It's crap! And then, ladies and gentlemen, I go to the first [[w:King of the Ring (1993)|King of the Ring]] in Dayton, Ohio, and I guarantee you, you listen to that broadcast, I carried the broadcast from ringside. And then did you ever wonder where ol' J.R. went to? Why doesn't ol' J.R. do play-by-play anymore? Let me tell you why. Because the egotistical owner of the World Wrestling Federation—and you know who I'm talking about, I'm talking about Vince McMahon—couldn't stand the competition. So J.R. disappeared. And then on [[w:Super Bowl XXVIII|Super Bowl Sunday of 1994]], I woke up with an affliction called [[w:Bell's Palsy|Bell's Palsy]], and my entire left side of my face looked like it had a stroke. You think I like that? You think I like that my left eye doesn't open all the way because I got sick? Well, let me tell you how warm-hearted Mr. McMahon is. Mr. McMahon called me into his office on February 11th, 1994, and he fired my ass! So I get back in my car and I drive into my home in that overpriced hellhole Connecticut, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my wife and my two little girls that their daddy had just got fired. And so then, remember when McMahon got indicted? They needed somebody to come back and do ''Raw''? They called up J.R. and then they let me go again. So finally they called me back, hired me back for fifty cents on the dollar to come back and work for the front office. Do you think that all these guys leaving the WWF was an accident? Hell no, it's not! You think all these guys coming here was an accident? Absolutely not, I've been very busy. And right now, I want to bring back one of your favorites. He's the Bad Guy, Razor Ramon!

===November 11===
:''[Brian Pillman is being interviewed by Vince McMahon and Kevin Kelly at the Pillman house while Stone Cold Steve Austin is out looking for him]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Notwithstanding the bravado, do you feel like a hostage? Do you feel like a hostage in your own home? 
:'''Brian Pillman''': Hah. Steve is a dead man walking, because when Austin 3:16 meets Pillman ''[draws and slides pistol on camera to everybody's shock]'' nine-millimeter Glock...
:'''Kevin Kelly''': Oh my God, oh my God!
:'''Pillman''': ...I'm gonna blast his sorry ass straight to hell!!

== 1997 ==

=== January 20 ===
:''[Bret Hart comes into the ring at the start of the show]''
:'''[[w:Bret Hart|Bret Hart]]''': There's something I gotta say!
:'''[[w:Jerry Lawler|Lawler]]''': What's he doing out here?
:'''Bret Hart''': There's something I gotta say to you! ''[Points at Vince]'' You know, when I decided to come back to the World Wrestling Federation, you promised me that I would get an opportunity to fight for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. You put me in the ring with [[w:Stone Cold Steve Austin|Stone Cold Steve Austin]] and said that if I could beat Stone Cold Steve Austin, that I would be the number one contender for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. Now don't you think it's just a little bit convenient that for some stupid reason, [[w:Shawn Michaels|Shawn Michaels]] finds himself out at ringside announcing in my World Championship match with [[w:Sid Eudy|Sycho Sid]]? I don't think it was any kind of a coincidence either. So Shawn Michaels jumps up and sticks his nose in my business and costs me the World Wrestling Federation Championship Belt with blatant interference. The Boy Toy costs me the championship and they go, &quot;Oh that's okay. Don't worry about it, cause now you can go in the [[w:Royal Rumble (1997)|Royal Rumble]] and you only have to fight 29 other guys and then you'll get your opportunity for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt.&quot; So I went in the ring, and it's very, very clear to me that I won the Royal Rumble and I should be getting a World Wrestling Federation Championship bout. Where is my opportunity? You know, the way I look at things right now, I've been screwed by Shawn Michaels the Boy Toy, I've been screwed by Stone Cold Steve Austin, I've been screwed by the World Wrestling Federation, and I've been screwed by you! (Vince) I don't like to make idle threats, but the way I see things, it doesn't look like I'm going to get my opportunity for a shot at the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. So I quit! (slams the microphone down.)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Steve Austin''': You gonna get me a piece of equipment that works, son, or do I have to whip your ass? Bret Hart, you can sit there and bellyache and complain with the best of them, son. Ever since you came back, you ain't done nothing but cry! You sit there and talk about how Vince screwed you, how everybody screwed you, how I screwed you. The bottom line is, son, when the going gets tough, the Harts get going back home! Knock it off! Go on back to Canada, son, because the only person you can possibly beat is your wrinkled up old man in his little old basement. You talk about being jerked around, I've been jerked around for seven years, and then I get here. I'm supposed to face Sycho Sid tonight and some guy, a 350-pound buffoon that calls himself Gorilla Monsoon the commissioner says, &quot;No, no. Sycho Sid is at home with a concussion.&quot; Sycho Sid may be at home with a concussion and an ice pack on his head, but he's also got a yellow stripe running right down the middle of his back. As far as Gorilla Monsoon goes, I got a big bunch of bananas and I can tell you where to stick each and every one of them. You want me to face [[w:The Undertaker|The Undertaker]], you can bring his dead ass out here, because I threw him over the top rope last night, and I'll do the exact same thing right now, so bring him out, I got something for him!

=== March 3 ===
:''[Vince is showing footage of the Final Four where Stone Cold Steve Austin inadvertently helped Bret Hart win the WWF Title, and later where he hit Bret with a steel chair, causing Sycho Sid to win the title the next night.]''
:'''Vince''': Your response? Do you show any remorse, whatsoever, for your actions?
:'''Steve Austin''': The only remorse I got is that I didn't hit him harder with that steel chair! Bret Hart runs around talkin' about everybody's screwin' him. Hell, for the past 7 years, I've been screwed, and it's the same old song! How come when Shawn Michaels hurts his knee, you make a video out of him? How come when Shawn Michaels gets sick, you tell the world that he's got the FLU?! Well, when I went to the Final Four, I was sick as a dog, and I had a blown out knee! Let me ask you a question: How many one-legged people can go 25 minutes with 3 of the top wrestlers in the world? NONE! Stone Cold Steve Austin went out there, and did just that! And I ain't making fun of no one-legged people, I'm sittin' here just tryin' to make a point. As far as I'm concerned, I truly am the World Wrestling Federation Champion, and can't nobody tell me different! Not you, or ANYBODY! As far as the Submission Match, it's a buncha bull! Bret Hart, he's supposed to be the big technician, the Sharpshooter. BIG DEAL! I don't know a whole lotta couple of submission moves, but it doesn't matter, because I'll beat the hell outta Bret Hart! And as far as Ken Shamrock says on TV the other day; &quot;Oh, I don't know. Bret Hart's the better technician, but Stone Cold ain't got no quit in him.&quot; Well, you hit the nail right on the head, son, because I ain't got no quit in me at all! And you can bet your bottom dollar that Stone Cold ain't gonna look at the referee and say &quot;I quit! I submit! I've had too much!&quot; There ain't NOBODY... there ain't NOBODY in wrestling who can make me QUIT! And that's the bottom line, 'cuz Stone Cold SAYS SO!
:'''Vince''': Why of all this... why are you so bitter? Why this bitterness?!
:'''Steve Austin''': You treat me like a dog, and you expect me to SMILE? You remind me of a jackass!

=== March 17 ===
:''[Bret Hart has just lost a WWF title cage match with Sycho Sid]''
:'''Jim Ross''': We're back here ladies and gentlemen, a few more moments and Vince McMahon is going talk to a very, obviously a very consumate Bret Hart.
:'''Vince''': Bret Hart, you've got to be terribly frustrated. Extremely frustrated over what has just happened.
:''[Bret shoves Vince down and takes the mike]''
:'''Lawler:''' WHOA!!
:'''Bret Hart:''' FRUSTRATED ISN'T THE GODDAMN WORD FOR IT!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
:'''Jim Ross:''' We apologize, ladies and gentlemen.
:'''Bret Hart:''' You screwed me, everybody's screwed me and nobody does a goddamn thing about it! Nobody in the building cares, nobody in the dressing room cares, so much goddamn injustice around here, I've had it up to here!!
:'''Jim Ross:''' We apologize ladies and gentlemen.
:'''Bret Hart:''' Everybody knows it! I know it! Everybody knows it! I should be the World Wrestling Federation Champion!
:'''Lawler:''' Get him out of the ring!
:'''Bret Hart:''' Everybody just keeps turning a blind eye! You keep turning a blind eye to it! I got that [[w:Gorilla Monsoon|Gorilla Monsoon]], he turns a blind eye to it! Everybody in that goddamn dressing room knows that I am the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be!
:'''Lawler:''' Cut him off!
:'''Bret Hart:''' And if you don't like it, tough shit!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Steve Austin:''' Conspiracy my ass Bret! All you want to do anytime you go in the ring is cry like a baby! I tried to go out there and help you and you threw it all away because you're a loser! It could have been you and me for the championship at [[w:WrestleMania 13|WrestleMania]], but you blew the whole damn thing because you're a loser! At WrestleMania, you will quit and one of these days when it's you and me for the title, you're looking at the next champ. AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!
:'''Bret Hart:''' (As Austin begins saying &quot;At WrestleMania,...&quot;) You know why they call you Stone Cold? Because your stones are so cold, you won't come out here and step in the ring with me myself! You always got to jump me from behind! You haven't got the guts to come out here! Come on!! Everybody knows whether it's Sycho Sid, ''[Sid comes out]'' If you think for one second that that belt belongs to you, you are wrong! It is my belt. You know it, I know it and everybody in this building knows it!
:'''Sid:''' I don't know shit, crybaby!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as Bret Hart brawls with Steve Austin and Undertaker brawls with Sid]''
:'''Vince''': Bret Hart has snapped! Bret Hart thought for sure he would be the WWF champion and there's no conspiracy! Bret Hart, ladies and gentlemen is talking about a conspiracy. There is no conspiracy at all, only in his head and it's sad that a man as great as Bret Hart has resorted to this! This is not what we've talked about! This is not the legacy of Bret Hart! Not this! Not this bawling! Not this whining! Not this crying!
:''[officials pull Bret away from Austin]''
:'''Lawler''': You're right! He's snapped McMahon! He's lost it! Get him out of here, drag him out!
:''[Bret nails Pat Patterson and goes back to Austin]''
:'''Vince''': OH HE JUST HIT, HE JUST HIT HALL OF FAMER PAT PATTERSON!! THAT DIRTY ROTTEN SON OF A...!!

=== March 24 ===

:'''Vince''': Ladies and gentlemen, joining us now, yes, from the ultimate fighting war... ''world'', rather, yes, it is war, for sure. There is Ken Shamrock, and Mr. Shamrock, in your officiating last night, firstly, why did you stop the match?
:'''Ken Shamrock''': Well, you know, I was in the match, and Steve Austin was in a great deal of pain even throughout the whole match. I asked him several times; he did not respond. As far as I could see, he was unconscious, I had to stop the match in order to protect his body because he was in severe, severe shape. So that is why I stopped the fight.
:'''Vince''': Alright, but you did not hear him say the words, &quot;I quit,&quot; did you? You did not hear him say the words, &quot;I quit,&quot; did you?
:'''Ken''': No, the words weren't said, &quot;I quit,&quot; but when a man goes unconscious and he cannot protect himself properly, that is why I was hired to do this match: was to make sure one man won. There was no cheating around, there was no holds here. And therefore, when Steve Austin passed out, he could not protect himself. So therefore, that is why I stopped the fight.
:'''Vince''': Alright, but then, as he could not protect himself, &quot;The Hitman&quot; Bret Hart, after the match was officially over, went back and attacked Stone Cold Steve Austin.
:'''Ken''': Yes, he did. And, you know, throughout the match there, there was a lot of dishing out pain going on in there, but one of the things that I guess I had to step in on was because after Stone Cold was on the mat, he was passed out and really could not protect himself, the reason why I stopped the match, Bret Hart decided to take it upon himself to go in there and put more pain upon him. And from what I could see, he was trying to end Stone Cold Steve Austin's career. I had to step in and stop that.
:'''Vince''': Indeed. Well, the Hitman wanted no part of you, no doubt about that. Let me ask you, as far as your opinion of Stone Cold Steve Austin. What is your opinion of him as far as last night' match is concerned?
:'''Ken''': Well, you know, particularly... me and Steve Austin have had some harsh words in the past. I particularly really don't care for him much. But there's one thing you cannot take from this man. Let me tell you, he went through a lot of pain, and there was no quit in that man. He kept fighting and fighting. You got to give him that, he is one tough character. I've seen a lot of tough people going through my life, going through the no holds barred competitions, and this guy is by far one of the toughest guys that I've seen.
:'''Vince''': All right, thank you very much for joining us.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bret Hart''': First of all, I wanna apologize. I'd like to apologize to all my fans over in Germany. I'd like to apologize to all my fans over in Great Britain. Actually, I like to apologize to all my fans all over Europe. All over Japan and the far east. I like to apologize to my fans in the middle east. All the way as far down as South Africa. And I especially like to apologize for all my great fans in Canada.

:And to you, my great fans across the United States of America...to you, I apologize for nothing! You know, it seems real strange to me that no matter how much I try that when I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin to a bloody pulp, I thought to myself, no matter how much I win, when I walked back to the dressing room. The way you American fans treat me across the United States of America, I feel like I lost. I mean I took a gutless creep like Stone Cold Steve Austin and beat him to a bloody pulp, even though he knows, and you all know that he lost, you cheer him on the way back to the dressing room like he won!

:You know it didn't just start right here. Let's go back to WrestleMania last year when I was the World Wrestling Federation Champion. When that belt was around my waist and where it belonged. You cheered on a pretty boy like Shawn Michaels and you allowed him to screw me out of the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. I found myself sitting at home watching the WWF on TV in Canada and saying to myself, &quot;The World Wrestling Federation needs a hero, they need a role model. They need someone to look up to.&quot; Not somebody who has earrings all over himself and tattoos. Not somebody who poses for girly magazines. By the way, I don't think it was a girly magazine, I think it was a gay magazine! So I felt this calling to come back to set the record straight and clean up the World Wrestling Federation. So I came back in the Survivor Series and I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin there and I think I garnered a little bit of respect. Then I found myself stepping in the ring with Sycho Sid and your hero, your pride and joy Shawn Michaels costs me the World Wrestling Federation championship belt. Nobody cared! Nobody did anything about it! You people didn't do anything about it.

:They say &quot;Oh, don't worry about that. You can get in line with 29 other guys and you can go in the Royal Rumble.&quot; So being the man that I am, I got no problem fighting 29 other guys. So I went in the Royal Rumble, and I won. I was the last legal man standing in the Royal Rumble. But again, everyone just turns their back on it. You somehow justify in your minds that Stone Cold Steve Austin won. You know, a better man would've quit. Maybe I should have quit and gone home.
:'''Vince''': You did Bret, that's what you threatened.
:'''Bret Hart''': I got Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon on their hands and knees begging me to come back. &quot;Don't quit! Think of your fans.&quot; Well, I thought of my fans and I came back. And they come up with this idea for the Final Four. The winner of the Final Four will get a World Wrestling Federation title fight at WrestleMania 13. That sounds good to me. So I accept, I came back. Then all of a sudden, your champion, your hero, Shawn Michaels comes up with this life ending, career ending knee injury and he forfeits the title so he can go home and find his smile. But that's okay, you people think that that's just fine. I see people in the audience crying for that. You talk about me crying. So I go into the Final Four with the outcome now being that whoever wins the Final Four will now be the World Wrestling Federation Champion. And who won the Final Four? I did. Right in the middle of the ring, I defeated three other guys in one night. I defeated Vader, I defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I defeated the Undertaker, and I became the World Wrestling Federation Champion for a fourth time. Then they come up to me and go &quot;Well wait a minute! You don't get to rest even though you fought three other guys, even though you're beat up and sore. You got to go in the ring and fight 6'9&quot; Sycho Sid, and defend the title.&quot; Do you think I ran and hid? Do you think and found me forfeiting any titles? NO! I put the title on the line and I took Sycho Sid and I tied him in a big knot right in the middle of the ring. There he was in the Sharpshooter after being booed all the way through the match by my American wrestling fans, you somehow justify, only in America you can do this, Stone Cold Steve Austin climbs into the ring and whacks me in the back of the head with a chair. Somehow, you justify that that's okay, that's acceptable in America.

:So I ask, or as you see it, I cried to Gorilla Monsoon. I asked and I begged and I pleaded and I said &quot;Give me Stone Cold Steve Austin. Give me a match with this guy who seems to be making my life a miserable hell.&quot; So I got Stone Cold Steve Austin and they agree to a match, a submission match. And then they go, &quot;Wait, we have some even better news for you. We will give you Sycho Sid in a 15-foot high steel cage match and no one will be able to interfere in that and you will have your shot at the World Wrestling Federation championship belt because we respect you.&quot; Well in that match, outside interference played a big factor again and somehow for some reason, The Undertaker is out there and he finds himself slamming my head in the door and he costs me the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt for the 5th time.

:So I got one thing on my mind. After being screwed over by everybody in the World Wrestling Federation, after being abandoned by all you good fans right here in the United States of America, I decide that I'm going to go into this submission match with Stone Cold Steve Austin and give him every bit of what he deserves, just a good old fashioned ass whipping. And so when I do it, when I actually take that lousy stinking hyena Stone Cold Steve Austin and beat him to a bloody pulp, you somehow find it in your hearts to abandon me and cheer for him.

:You know, I've proven myself so many times in the World Wrestling Federation and I've tried to be everything that you wanted me to be that it seems to me that you don't understand. You don't understand what it means to have dignity, to have poise, to bring prestige to the World Wrestling Federation, to be a man that brings a little class. Because you rather cheer for heroes like Charles Manson and O.J Simpson. Nobody glorifies criminal conduct like the Americans do and all the countries around the world, they still respect what's right and what's wrong. Respect. Now that we made everything real clear with ourselves tonight, it's obvious to me that all you wrestling fans coast to coast, you don't respect me. Well the fact is, I don't respect you. You don't deserve it. So from here on in, the American wrestling fans coast to coast can KISS MY ASS!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Shawn Michaels comes out to the ring]''
:'''Shawn Michaels''': Yo, Hitman! Let's get one thing perfectly straight. You can come out here and say whatever you want about me. Everyone does. And you don't have to explain to me or the World Wrestling Federation that you would never give up the WWF title because no one knows better than me or the WWF that it takes a hand written note from the lord almighty to take that belt from you. But Bret, what you don't understand is just because I come out here and choose to live my life openly and freely instead of putting a facade like you does not make a you a better man Bret. I am well aware of my faults. I can admit them up and down the line. And as far as Steve Austin is concerned, Bret, I was there last night. He didn't give up, alright? Now I'm no fan of Steve Austin but he passed out and even you have to admit somewhere in there, there's gotta be some of the old Hit Man left, even you have to admit that he is one tough S.O.B. Now Bret, I have tried and tried and tried to take the high road and I am in no shape to wrestle and I know, you're tougher than me blahblahblah, whole thing. I admit that, that's fine. I don't have to be number one Bret. I don't obsess like you do. I do it because I like it. You do this because in your mind, marked man, you really think that all of this is yours! Now what you need to understand is that every time they reach into their pocket to watch you, me or anybody else is that they have the right to cheer or boo anybody that they want! Now, hey, you don't have to tell me &quot;They're cheering me now.&quot; But they've booed me before. But you didn't see me getting all bent out of shape about it. You wanna know why Bret? It's because in this country, we something that's called the first amendment. And that amendment allows us to live our lives as we sit fit as long as it's causing harm to no one. If that guy there wants to stick a belly button piercing through his navel he can do it whether you like it or not! If that girl over there chooses to go out with someone you don't you approve of, &quot;Tough kitty&quot; said the kittie if she's going to do it! Now I'm going to get on my high and mighty roller coaster Bret. But you my friend, you gotta look at this, I'm in no shape to go. But if you want to go? What the hell? Let's go now.
:'''Vince''': Don't tell me. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. Shawn is in no condition to wrestle here.
:'''Lawler''': Then what's he doing out there.
:'''Vince''': Because he's got more guts than brains.
:'''Lawler''': Right.
:'''Shawn Michaels''': Do you know something? We've got a saying in the United States in American and it's called &quot;America, Love it or Leave it!&quot;
:'''Bret Hart''': Shawn Michaels, Boy Toy, I think you should go back to the dressing room, get the hell out of my face.
:'''Shawn Michaels''': You know me, Bret, I'm not real good with authority. By the way, how did you know I was in that girly magazine? You couldn't help yourself, could you? You had to flip through the pages just a little bit!
:''[Bret attacks Shawn in the injured knee and puts him in the figure four around the ring post.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Bret comes back out to do commentary during the Rocky Maivia/Leif Cassidy match-up]''
:'''Vince''': What has made you snap, Bret Hart?
:'''Bret Hart''': I haven't snapped, I just opened my eyes.
:'''Vince''': What?!
:'''Bret Hart''': I call it opening my eyes! Why don't you open yours? Everybody in this building, they sit here and they cheer on Stone Cold Steve Austin, all these guys that set no example for anybody anywhere. And they have the nerve to actually cheer these guys on? Undertaker, there's a great role model. You know, I've had it up to here; I think people should open their eyes. I was the guy going to the ring every night wearing a white hat, trying to be a good person. Trying to be someone they could look up to.
:'''Vince''': ''[As Shawn Michaels is shown being carried to an ambulance.]'' There's a good person. Look what you just did, Shawn Michaels.
:'''Bret Hart''': Hey, I didn't ask him to come to the ring! I was trying to make a point and that is the point right there. Look at the screen, that is the point. I've had it up to here! Understand? Very simple.
:'''Vince''': I think we do. But again, I don't understand the logic. I don't understand why you're throwing away your legacy! You're throwing it away! You're flushing your legacy down the toilet, Bret!
:'''Bret Hart''': I didn't flush any legacy down any toilet. My toilet was flushed by all these people right here in this building. Not just in this building, but every building that I've wrestled in in the last three or four months. The only place I went to where I got a little respect was in Germany or England. Everywhere else-- or Canada. But in the United States of America, little kids holding up signs going &quot;You suck!&quot; You know what? I don't suck, they do!
:'''Vince''': It's almost as if you're at war with yourself.
:'''Bret Hart''': No, I'm not at war. Hey I feel like I got a million pounds off my chest. You want to see bad? I'll show you bad. Bad is something that you have never seen the likes of. You want to talk about wickedly bad? I'll show you wickedly bad! ''[runs into the ring and attacks Rocky Maivia]''

===June 30===
:'''Paul Bearer''': &quot;Well, we're gonna have to go back a few years, Mr. McMahon. About 20 years to be exact. We're talking about a little funeral home, sitting up on a hill – beautiful old trees all around – and a wonderful, wonderful family-owned funeral home. The family lived upstairs. The father was a mortician who ran the funeral home. The mother was the secretary, the receptionist. But there were two little kids there. One kid was a little red headed punk. And then there was a second kid – a sweet little kid named Kane. Now I was the apprentice at the funeral home. I worked under the red headed punk's father, who by now you properly know as The Undertaker. The Undertaker's father was a mortician of excellence. He told me everything I know. He told me the correct way to prepare a body for burial, how to do the make-up, how to deal with the families. He told me from A to Z. But while I was working on the funeral home, I've seen a lot of things going on, that shouldn't been happening.

:This little red-headed punk, there was nothing funny about him. He had a look in his eye – the look of the devil! It was the devil's see if you know what I mean. What was so sad about the whole situation, is that poor little Kane, the little brother followed The Undertaker around everywhere he went. The Undertaker was little Kane's hero. Anything The Undertaker did was fine. It went on for about two years, my apprenticeship. I was at the college that night taking courses at Mortuary Science at the same time. The Undertaker and Kane would run around the funeral home like wild men. They had three reigning properties. They'd sneak out behind the garage. I'd see what they were doing. Their mom and daddy wouldn't see what they were doing but I saw what they were doing. I saw them, taking chemicals out of the embalming room in that funeral home. I saw them sneaking behind the garage, smoking cigarettes - when they were little kids.

:But you know, one particular afternoon I was leaving to go to school. As I backed my car out of the funeral home, I looked behind and who do I see? That red head devil-seen Undertaker with his little brother. Something wasn't funny – it ain't. Something didn't seem right. But I went ahead and to the drive way, went to school. I came back from school about ten o'clock that night. And what do I see? I see fire trucks. I see ambulance. I see steam and smoke and I see that funeral home in ashes. Someone burnt down the funeral home. Inside that funeral home was this lovely family that took care of me. I looked over to the bushes. Who did I see in the bushes but The Undertaker? Undertaker, you burnt the funeral home to the ground. And along with the funeral home, you killed your parents. You killed your family, Undertaker! I know it. I've had to stick that on my inside all my life – 20 years. You've killed them. Undertaker, you are a MURDERER! YOU ARE A MURDERER! YOU'RE A GOD-DAMN MURDERER!

=== July 7 ===
:'''Bret Hart''': A few weeks ago, I was told ‘America: love it or leave it.’ Well, I’ve traveled all around the world, I’ve been all over the United States of America, and the one thing that I’ve in particular looked forward to is loving leaving it!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[after Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Hunter Hearst Helmsley thanks to interference from Mankind, whom Helmsley hit in the head with a steel chair. Austin grabs a microphone]''
:'''Jim Ross''': This could be damning.
:'''Vince McMahon''': I hope he doesn’t say anything to the Canadians.
:'''Steve Austin''': Get your ass up, you long-haired freak!
:'''McMahon''': He’s talking - he’s talking to, to Mankind.
:'''Austin''': There ain’t no way one chair can keep your ass down, get in the ring! ''[Mankind crawls into the ring]'' You come out here every week, saying “Pick me, Steve! Pick me, Steve!”. I’ll lay it on the line for you, you piece of trash: I don’t like you one bit! But I’ll damn sure go to war with you, if that’s what you want. All you gotta do is shake my hand, and we’re a tag team.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': Whoa!
:'''Ross''': Well, I guess the man with the personality of a rattlesnake is softening a little bit.
:'''Lawler''': Finally Mankind gets what he wants!
:'''Ross''': All Mankind ever wanted was to be accepted.
:''[Mankind outstretches his arms]''
:'''Lawler''': He don’t want a handshake, he wants a hug!
:''[Mankind and Austin share a big hug]''
:'''McMahon''': I can’t believe it. Another moment in the WWF. Mankind, now a partner - ''[suddenly Austin gives Mankind the Stone Cold Stunner]'' - oh!
:'''Ross''': No! No! Not the Stunner! Damn him!
:'''Austin''': DTA, you stupid piece of trash! Don’t ever trust nobody! You ain’t gonna be my partner, never, ‘cause you’re a long-haired freak, and you suck! ''[drops the microphone and raises his arms for the crowd]''
:'''McMahon''': My! Can’t believe that!
:''[Austin leaves the ring and walks up the ramp to the cheers of the crowd]''
:'''Ross''': Well, if you’d like to have a pet rattlesnake, I’ll give you Austin’s phone number!
:'''McMahon''': Thank you, no. This capacity crowd-
:'''Mankind''' ''[grabbing the microphone]'': Austin! Austin!! I was just looking for a little bit of respect. I was looking for a friend, and you’ve ruined that all!!
:'''Austin''' ''[from the top of the entrance ramp, grinning]'': Damn right!
:'''Mankind''': So it’s become very apparent, that drastic measures will be taken! Because, next week, well, I’m going to have to do something I never thought I’d do again. ''[Austin leaves]'' And it will become very obvious that the World Wrestling Federation will never be the same! Steve Austin, ''you'' will never be the same! And without a doubt next week, Mankind...will NEVER BE THE SAME!!! ''[whimpers]''

=== August 4 ===

:'''Vince''': Well, I guess maybe that pretty much tells you something - a mixed reaction by this capacity crowd. And there is no doubt whether you did your job or you didn't do your job, but if it haven't had been for you, the Undertaker might still be the World Wrestling Federation Champion.
:'''Shawn''': So let me get this straight. You, the Undertaker, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart and — the best that I can tell — all of the fans of the World Wrestling Federation are dumpin' this in my lap!
:'''Vince''': I don't know if that's necessarily fair...
:'''Shawn''': Shut up! Because you know something? It's just like you, it's just like Bret Hart and whether anybody in this arena likes it or not, it's just like all the fans of the World Wrestling Federation to not take responsibility for themselves and pass the buck on to the Heartbreak Kid because everybody knows I don't give a damn what anybody thinks of me! Shut up!
:I went out there last night, for the first time in my career put on a referee's shirt and did one hell of a job. I called it down the middle. Right or wrong?
:'''Vince''': Yes, you did.
:'''Shawn''': Exactly.
:'''Vince''': May I ask you a pertinent question, please?
:'''Shawn''': Yeah, cough it up!
:'''Vince''': Alright, it's on a lot of people's minds. It's something like this — it's controversial as it always is: Are you in any way in cahoots with Bret Hart? As preposterous as that may sound, a lot of people are wondering that.
:'''Shawn''': You know, I've always known you are a nimrod, but now you have convinced me that you are the dumbest sonofabitch I've ever met in my life.
:'''Vince''': Well, first of all, I don't appreciate that. Let's get that straight, okay?
:'''Shawn''': Ooohh, shoot me while I shudder in my loafers, McMahon!
:'''Vince''': Well you just might be shuddering come September 7, when you step into this ring with the Undertaker. That's when you gonna be shuddering! You can take this here.
:'''Shawn''': Get your ass out of here! ''[Vince leaves]'' You can move it or lose it, McMahon! Let me tell everybody what the story is. I am not in any way, shape or form in cahoots with Bret Hart. It is no secret that Bret Hart doesn't like me, Bret Hart doesn't respect me, but one thing is for damn sure, Bret Hart needs me! Because I am the only man in the World Wrestling Federation that has beat his ass! And that is the truth!
:And Undertaker... Undertaker, you and I, for as long as we've been in the World Wrestling Federation have never crossed paths. EXCEPT FOR NOW!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Michaels sucks!
:'''Shawn''': Oh, I'm gonna tell you people something. Undertaker, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels lays down for absolutely no one! I don't do it for Bret Hart, I don't do it for you, I don't do it for the fans of the World Wrestling Federation, I don't do it for anybody. Undertaker, the next time you see Shawn Michaels, his Super...
:'''Crowd''': You suck!
:'''Shawn''': Ten years! Ten years I've given you, and this is the respect that you give me. Each and everyone of you can go to hell! Undertaker, the next time you'll see me, my Superkick is gonna be one foot down your throat!

=== August 18 ===

:'''Jim Ross''': Steve, I want to thank you for allowing us to come to your hotel room here, I know you've got a very busy and a very crucial 24-hour period here in Philadelphia, seeing a specialist tomorrow about your neck, but thanks for giving us a little of your time.
:'''Steve Austin''': Well you're welcome for the time, but if you're here to ask a bunch of questions, you might as well start asking, otherwise I'll throw your ass out the window. And to come to the hotel room, this ain't a hotel room that I would stay at! You know, when I got hurt at SummerSlam, when I got dumped on my head, no one called me and said, &quot;Hey, Steve, you okay?&quot; No one ever sent a card, nothin' like that. Not that I would expect it, but at least I would have, you know, maybe a call just to see what the hell's goin' on with the hottest damn wrestler in the world, but I got nothin'! So the WWF sees fit to put me in a room like this, with all this fruit and trash like this, you want a pear? ''[Starts tossing fruit at Jim Ross]'' You want an apple? You want a banana  or somethin'? Here, make yourself at home, man! ''[Austin tosses the entire fruit basket at Ross]'' But if you got questions to ask, you go ahead and ask 'em, 'cause I'm gettin' a little tired of you!
:'''Jim Ross''': I'd like you to address three things, if you don't mind.
:'''Steve Austin''': Sure.
:'''Jim Ross''': One is SummerSlam, your paralysis after being driven in the mat from the Tombstone by Owen Hart; the second thing is what the doctors have told you; and thirdly, and lastly, what you perceive your future to be here in the WWF.
:'''Steve Austin''': Well, let's start with SummerSlam. The bottom line is I'm the Intercontinental Champion. Right?
:'''Jim Ross''': Right.
:'''Steve Austin''': Well, that's that. But aside from that, at the end of the match, close to the end of the match when Owen Hart dumped me on my head - you figure I weight 245, 250, bam, you get planted in the mat, shit happens! And that's, for basically about 50 seconds there, I couldn't move my arms or my legs, and I didn't know if I ever would move again! It felt pretty damn scary, so, um, you know, I'm through with that, looking past that, I've watched that on tape probably 30 or 40 times and it still sucks every time I see it! But I'm over it, and I'm movin' around, and I'm happy about that! But Owen Hart has got hell to pay! You get dumped on your head, you get in the position that I was put in, it ain't worth a damn. And I, I'm just, uh, a little bit pissed off No, I'm not a little pissed off, I'm a whole lot pissed off, but you know what they say, it's better to be pissed off than pissed on. But Owen Hart's got hell to pay when I come back, and as you say, you've got another question, what was the other question?
:'''Jim Ross''': The doctors, you've seen several doctors...
:'''Steve Austin''': I've seen a couple of doctors, and one guy said, uh, uh, &quot;Maybe you should do something else.&quot; Well, Steve Austin doesn't do anything else, what I do is wrestle, and I'm the best wrestler in the world, and can't nobody tell me different! So I'm supposed to see the top guy, uh, the top spine guy in the country tomorrow here in Philadelphia, and see what he has to say, and it doesn't matter really what he says, the end result, the decision's mine! He can sit there and say, &quot;Don't do this, try not to do this,&quot; whatever, but the bottom line is I'm the one that makes the decision, so I'll sit there, rethink things, and go from there. But regardless of what he says, Owen Hart's got hell to pay! You know, when you do something to...when you do what he did to me, you know, if it's my last step in life, you can damn well bet he's gonna get the shit kicked out of him one way or the other, and that's it. You know, I don't know when, where or how, or what, but it's gonna happen.
:As far as my future - don't sit there and try to butt in because I'm talkin', right? Okay, as far as my future goes, hell, like I said, I'll listen to what the doctor says, but I'm gonna do what I want. The future for Steve Austin, as far as I'm concerned, is to put on his black trunks and black boots and show up. Im'ma take a few days off, I'll probably take a few weeks off, because, you know, when you're sittin' there at the house, you watch a film of, uh, you gettin' paralyzed for another 50 seconds, you watch that 30 or 40 times, you know, it kinda, you get a little depressed! So I drank a few cases of beer, I'll tell you exactly what I did. I just ride around in my Ford, drink a few beers and sit there and think about it. But, uh, I'm gonna go see this doctor and see what he has to say, and, but as far as I'm concerned, the only way I can see my future is to be Stone Cold Steve Austin, continue on right through the top in the WWF, just like I've done since I've been here! All the damn bureaucratic red tape, all the bullshit I've been through, it's taken me eight years to get where I'm at right now! If you think for one split second that a piledriver's gonna stop me, it ain't gonna happen. Did it slow me down? Damn right, but it ain't gonna stop me. Ground Zero, Sub-Zero, whatever the hell you wanna call it, Louisville, I'll be there! Whether it's to hand the belt over, if I decide maybe it's time to hang it up, I'll do that! I don't think that's gonna happen. I think when, uh, Ground Zero rolls around, you'll see Stone Cold - don't wipe your nose, it pisses me off - you'll see Stone Cold Steve Austin - and don't smile - you'll see Stone Cold Steve Austin in a black pair of trunks and a black pair of boots, and I'll be out there whippin' somebody's ass! I don't know what kind of match it is, it's some kind of little, uh, four tag teams of some kind of shit like that, is that right?
:'''Jim Ross''': That's right.
:'''Steve Austin''': Okay, well, I'll be there! And... what gets me is, is that Steve Austin's in a new level now, because, you know, if,if I was pissed off before, I'm a lot more pissed off now, and that makes me even more dangerous, not a liability, and that's the bottom line! You got anything else you wanna say?
:'''Jim Ross''': No sir.
:'''Steve Austin''': Then get the hell out.

=== September 22 ===

:''[Before the police arrest Austin, Vince comes into the ring]''
:'''Vince''': What’s the matter with you?! Get ahold of yourself! 
:'''Lawler''': Arrest him!
:'''Vince''': ''[To the police]'' Just give me a minute. Just give me a minute! ''[To Austin]'' What is the matter with you? You had to forfeit the Intercontinental title, the Tag Team title, of course everybody can understand why you’re upset. I can understand you being upset not being able to compete, I can understand that. But don’t break the law!
:'''Lawler''': He already did...look at this!
:'''Jim Ross''': Stone Cold's not gonna win this fight with New York City's finest.
:'''Vince''': Don't you understand? Don’t you understand why you’re not allowed to compete? Can’t you get that through your head? Don’t you know why? Don’t you know that you’re not physically able to compete? Your doctors say you’re not ready. If you compete, you could injure yourself for good! You could wind up paralyzed! And the WWF is not gonna stand by and let you do that to yourself. These people don’t want you to wind up in a wheelchair! They wanna see you compete. Everybody wants to see you compete. But in due time, Steve. In due time. ''[Austin looks at his watch]''
:'''Lawler''': Listen to McMahon, get the violins.
:'''Vince''': Get ahold of yourself.
:'''Jim Ross''': He's telling the truth. Makes all the sense in the world.
:'''Lawler''': ''[indicating the cops]'' He'd better be talking to those guys over there. I say put him in the slammer!
:'''Vince''': Listen, don’t you know people care? In the World Wrestling Federation, we care. They care, they care about you, that’s all it is. And you just gotta go with it. In other words, you simply, you gotta work within the system. That’s all you gotta do, is just work within the system.
:'''Steve Austin''': You know as well as I do that this is what I do for a livin’. This is all that I do, and can’t nobody tell I ain’t the best in the damn world. Don’t even say nothin’. Don’t say nothin’. You sit here and tell me to work within the system. You ain’t the one sittin’ on your ass in the house like I am. But if that’s what it takes to make you or the World Wrestling Federation happy, hell, I feel like Cool Hand Luke. I’ll work within your stupid little system.
:'''Vince''': That's all that these people a—
:'''Steve Austin''': I appreciate the fact that you and the World Wrestling Federation ''care''. And I also appreciate the fact...that, hell, ''you can kiss my ass''!
:''[Austin kicks McMahon in the gut and Stuns him]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh, God! Oh my God!
:'''Lawler''': Put him in jail! Put him in jail right now!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Triple H is waiting for his match with Dude Love, but the Dude appears on the TitanTron]''
:'''Dude Love''': Oh, ho ho ho ho! Owww, have mercy! Hunter and especially your finer Chyna, I know what you must be thinking. 'Dude, what are you doing back here, when you should be out there kicking some heavy duty booty all over The Garden?' Hunter, my man, I do believe it's time we had a little rap, ho-ho. Because you see, Falls Count Anywhere— Well, that not exactly my bag, baby. The pinfalls in the hot dog stands, the pinfalls in the street, the chairs, the tables, it's not exactly a Love thing. But I know somebody, daddy, who's bag it indeed is. He's my man, he's my main man, you might even say, well daddy, he's a ''kind'' man. A kooky type of cat, let's bring him out right now. 
:''[Mankind's music plays as Mankind walks into the picture]''   
:'''Dude Love''': Ho ho, Mankind, my main mandible— up high big man, down low— Owww, you're too slow, ho ho. Mankind, good to have you at the Love Shack. 
:'''Mankind''': Hi, Dude. Thanks for having me here. 
:'''Dude Love''': The pleasure's all mine. 
:'''Mankind''': You really are eye candy for the chicks, Dude. 
:'''Dude Love''': That much I know, Daddy, but you gotta tell me about this wacky match: Falls Count Anywhere. 
:'''Mankind''': Dude, as much as I've dreamed about destroying Hunter Hearst Helmsley... 
:'''Dude Love''': I know you have. 
:'''Mankind''': ...as many horrible things as I'd like to do to him...
:'''Dude Love''': I know you can. 
:'''Mankind''': I know someone who dreams about it even more.
:'''Dude Love''': Who is it, Manny?
:'''Mankind''': Someone who's willing to do even worse things than I have.
:'''Dude Love''': Oh no, are you thinking what I think you're thinking? 
:'''Mankind''': I think I ''am'' thinking what you think I think you're thinking. 
:'''Dude Love''': Can you bring him out, Manny?
:'''Mankind''': Here he comes.
:'''Dude Love''': Where is he? 
:'''Mankind''': '''''CACTUS JACK... IS BACK!'''''
:''[Cactus Jack walks into the picture carrying a trash can, HHH loses it]''  
:'''Dude Love''': Somebody spank me, I thought he was dead! 
:'''Mankind''': He's alive. HE'S ALIVE!
:'''Cactus Jack''': Don't blink. It may be the darkest day of your life, because it's Madison Square Garden, and Mrs. Foley's little boy...is finally home. BANG BANG! 
:'''Dude Love''': ''[overlappping]'' Bye bye, Hunter, have fun! Owww, have mercy!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What in the world!?
:'''Jim Ross''': ''[overlapping]'' Oh my God. Drastic times call for drastic measures!
:''[A garbage bin is thrown from off-curtain, followed by a large broom before Cactus Jack enters with a trash can]''
:'''Jim Ross''': And for a man, that has wrestled on nails, and barbed wire and set himself on fire, this will be a day at Central Park!

=== October 6 ===
:''[Paul Bearer is at the ring with Kane, who just trashed the Hardy Boyz]''
:'''Paul Bearer''': Now that I have your undivided attention— Yes, laugh at the fat man. Go ahead! Here's your chance. Go ahead and laugh at me. Stand up, call me names, do what you wanna do. Here's your chance. The one you should be laughing at is your so-called phenom. The one you should be laughing at is your hero, The Undertaker. The proof is here. I tried to go back to The Undertaker, he wouldn't take me back. I had to do what I had to do. He slapped me around, he called me a liar. He burned me! Burned!

:Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present to you, The Undertaker's little brother: Kane! Look close, Undertaker. The whole world saw your face last night, when you stood for the first time in twenty years face-to-face with your own brother. We can all tell by the look in your eyes that you knew it was him. Yes, oh yes, he's alive. Look at his eye, Undertaker. He's missing an eye. And it's your fault! The 20 years of suffering, the 20 years of hiding-out is now over. And we have you to thank, Undertaker.

:Undertaker, this is your Stop sign on your highway to eternity. Starting with these boys tonight, we are gonna walk through the World Wrestling Federation, take each one, each wrestler, one by one and destroy them. Until we reach you! You, Undertaker. That is why Kane is here. And we have you to thank. Every time you look around, you're going to see your brother behind you. Every time you close your eyes to go to sleep, you're going to remember that terrible night. The fire! Oh yes, the fire. Undertaker, welcome to your worst nightmare.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Shawn''': ''[waiting for footage from Badd Blood]'' Now I know we don't have any brain surgeons in that truck, but this is a television studio per se. Do you think, Vince McMahon, you could get one of those idiots in your truck to send out my performance at Badd Blood? ''[Footage appears on TitanTron...]'' All right, here we go... ''[...not of Badd Blood, but of the [[w:The Kliq#The MSG &quot;Curtain Call&quot;|MSG &quot;Curtain Call.&quot;]]]'' Whoa. Wait a minute!
:'''[[w:Triple H|Hunter Hearst-Helmsley]]''': ''[both feigning shock]'' Oh my God, what is that?
:'''Shawn''': That's not Badd Blood, that's...
:'''Hunter''': That's Madison Square Garden!
:'''Shawn''': That's May 19th, Madison Square Garden!
:'''Hunter''': That's you, Shawn!
:'''Shawn''': And that's...that's...that's [[w:Scott Hall|Razor]]!
:'''Hunter''': And [[w:Kevin Nash|Big Daddy Cool Diesel]]!
:'''Shawn''': But who's that...that's you, Triple H! Wait a minute! Hey, you were a bad guy, I was a good guy!
:'''Vince''': What is this?
:'''Hunter''': You were a good guy, I was a bad guy!
:'''Shawn''': What were you doing in there? That's...wait a minute! Wait a minute...that was supposed to be Vince McMahon's biggest day—the first time Madison Square Garden had been sold...aw, it's off the screen. Oh, Vin-man, what's the matter? That subject's still a little too sensitive for you, big man. ''[Both get out of ring and approach Vince at announcers' desk]'' Vinnie Mac, what's the matter? Come on, what's the matter? Is your dad rolling over in his grave? The family traditions in the McMahon...has it come to an end because me and my buddies made an ass out of ya? Come on, you were an ass long before I made one out of ya!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Cornette''': This is Jim Cornette, and the views that I'm about to express are not necessarily those of anybody else but me. But they oughta be. And as a matter of fact, they probably are.
:You know, a lot of things in the wrestling world make me cranky these days, especially the way some talent is treated and some talent is looked at by not only the promoters, but the wrestling fans as well. For example, a man like Arn Anderson who just had to retire from this sport, after giving it his entire life, because of an injury that he suffered; a guy like &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair, who in my opinion, is one of the greatest talents in the history of this business; guys like Mankind, Cactus Jack, Dude Love, whatever you want to call him. Great talents in the WWF or WCW.
:But who gets a lot of the attention, from the wrestling fans especially? Guys like the NWO, the New World Order. You know, all the fans think these guys are so cool and so ''sweeeeet'', and so funny. Well, as far as I'm concerned, the NWO is like a bunch of guys meeting out in the backyard in a clubhouse in a tree. They're guys who, all they have to do... They got the easiest job in the world... All they have to do is go out there and be themselves—childish, obnoxious, adolescent guys with a case of severe arrested emotional development, and a fixation on trying to act macho.
:You got a guy like Kevin Nash, 40 years old, trying to act like a teenager. Far as I'm concerned, the biggest no-talent in the business. He's got six moves, no mobility, and enough timing to cover up for some of it. But what he does is he goes around and he manipulates. Kevin Nash had a multi-million dollar promotional company, the WWF, push him to the moon to make him a star, and then what does he do? He leaves—after he gives his word he's staying, so by the way, he's a liar, too—he leaves and he goes to WCW for a big contract. Why? More on that later.
:You got a guy like Scott Hall, who's a good wrestler, but &quot;good&quot; is about it. He's the best of the bunch. But he had the same million dollar promotional company make him a star, after he'd been in the business 10 years without putting three asses in a seat. And what does he do? He goes to WCW for a big contract. Why? More on that later.
:And then you got a guy... Syxx, 1-2-3 Kid, his name's Sean Waltman. Whatever you want to call him. As far as I'm concerned, the only reason that he's employed is because the other guys think that he's funny when he gets drunk and throws up on himself. He has the distinction, in case you haven't noticed, of being the only guy since this &quot;wrestling war&quot; got started, that was released from a valid contract from one company to go to the other side, which shows you how valuable he is.
:You know why they're all employed? Why they're all in the spot they are today? Because of Eric Bischoff. The boss of WCW, not the NWO. Look at the credits on their PPV if you can get one for free! The idiot's name is on it! He's the boss of WCW, he works for Ted Turner, and he throws a billionaire's money around, just like water, so he can have guys that he likes to hang out with.
:Because, even more than being a mark—yeah, for his own face and his own voice—Eric Bischoff is a guy who's a big fan of hanging around studly guys with long hair and beards, that smoke cigars, and ride Harleys. So that some of that can rub off on his little pansy-ass frame. So he takes that billionaire's money, and he throws that around like water to buy guys that he can hang around, to prove that his johnson is bigger than everybody else's. And that's the sole reason the NWO guys are employed.
:I think, me personally, that it's about time that the wrestling fans and the promoters, all of them in this business, start recognizing guys like &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair, like Arn Anderson, like Cactus Jack. Guys who bust their ass, who work hard, and have ability and have talent to get where they are, instead of a bunch of guys that get to their spot by hanging around with the boss and sucking up. I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion.

=== October 13 ===

:'''Bret''': ''[to Shawn and Hunter on the TitanTron]'' Why don't you two degenerates come down here right now and step in the ring with me right now? Either one of you, I don't care! Either one of you, right now!
:'''Shawn''': Is he challenging me?
:'''Hunter''': Is he challenging us?
:'''Shawn''': Now regularly, regularly I would take him up on his challenge. But you know why I'm not gonna? You know why I'm not gonna? I'll tell you why. Because the last time I took him up on a challenge was [[w:WrestleMania XII|WrestleMania]], and I beat his ass for that stupid piece of tin he's got on his shoulder; and at [[w:Survivor Series (1997)|Survivor Series]], I'm gonna take that stupid piece of tin you got on your shoulder once again. I've beaten you, I've beaten your brother, I've beat both your brother-in-laws, and I'll beat up your whole family if you get in my face one more time.
:'''Hunter''': And as far as I'm concerned, Bret Hart, you want a piece of me, huh?! ''[Shawn holds him back]'' You want a piece of me?! Come on! I'll take you on, Hitman! I'll give you the worst beating of your life! Hey, wait a second. I did that last week. I did that last week, Hitman! So never mind, I don't need to do it twice! I already did it!
:'''Shawn''': I tell you, I took so many shots to my head, I almost forgot how bad we beat him up last week. Hitman, I got news for you. Sometime during this show, we are gonna cross paths. And you talk about us being degenerates. You know what, I'm tired of Generation X getting a bad rap.
:'''Hunter''': Do you think you're a degenerate?
:'''Shawn''': Well, do you think ''you're'' a degenerate?
:'''Hunter''': Well, I mean...
:'''Shawn''': I mean, I'm positive I'm one.
:'''Hunter''': I guess I'd have to be one then.
:'''Shawn''': Well you know what? Generation X always gets a bad rap, everybody calls us degenerates. Degeneration X, is that us? Degeneration X—Triple H, HBK, Chyna, Ravishing Rick. We are Degeneration X—you make the rules, and we...will...break 'em!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Jim Cornette''': I'm Jim Cornette, and the views I'm about to express are my own, but as you'll see, they may be yours, too.
:There's a man named Phil Mushnick who writes columns for the New York Post and for TV Guide. You probably never heard of Mr. Mushnick, but you should because he's had some pretty nasty things to say about you. You see, Phil Mushnick hates pro wrestling and he's not content just to change the channel. He doesn't want you be able to watch it, either. Not the WWF, WCW, ECW, ''nothing''.
:And for the past several years, Mushnick has led a one-man campaign to have the wrestling industry abolished. Recently, when Ted Turner donated one billion dollars to charity, Mr. Mushnick said &quot;the world would be better served if he closed up WCW.&quot; Phil Mushnick is the man who called for and spearheaded the media and publicity barrage over the federal indictment of Vince McMahon and the WWF on steroid charges. And even though McMahon and the WWF were proven totally innocent in a federal courtroom, Mushnick ignores that fact to this very day and writes his columns as if it were a fact that they were proven guilty just so he can continue his one-man crusade. He even wrote a column one time about the Madison Square Garden Network firing Marv Albert, saying that the Garden should cancel wrestling matches, too.
:But Phil Mushnick not only hates wrestling, he hates wrestling fans. Here's a few things he's had to say about you, and I quote:
:&quot;If not for America's lunatic fringe and the disaffected, WCW would be out of business. If you can tell me that you would bring an important child in your life to a pro wrestling match, I have no gripe with you because you clearly don't know right from wrong. And the overwhelming majority of the wrestling fans who contact me simply prove my point by flooding my mailbox with profanities, obscenities, and other acts that show them to be a disenfranchised sub-culture.&quot;
:Well, Mr. Mushnick, I'm a wrestling fan and a lot of the people who read the New York Post and TV Guide are wrestling fans, too. And we don't enjoy being insulted by publications we pay money to read. We don't appreciate being told we don't know how to parent our children! We don't want a pompous, self-righteous man with a grudge sitting on top of Mount Olympus looking down his nose at us campaigning to take away the constitutional right that every American is guaranteed, to freedom of speech, freedom of choice, and freedom to enjoy whatever entertainment we choose! Those are ''facts'', Mr. Mushnick, not rumors, not suppositions, but ''facts''. You oughta try to deal in them sometime. And I think it's time that the millions of people you belittle as subhuman every chance you get tell the New York Post and TV Guide what ''they'' think of ya.
:But if this has been going on so long, why am I mad right now? Because recently, Phil Mushnick used Brian Pillman's death to call for another outcry against wrestling, and I quote once again:
:&quot;The problem is the mainstream media don't look hard enough at pro wrestling. Imagine if middle-aged pro baseball players dropped dead on a regular basis, this would be page one stuff, and a federal inquiry would be launched.&quot;
:''[At this point, Cornette is seething with anger.]''
:Well, Brian Pillman was a friend of mine. From the time he was born with throat cancer, he had the courage to undergo 36 different throat operations. He had the courage to withstand the punishment of pro football and ten years as a pro wrestler. He had the courage to come back from a car wreck that shattered his ankle, and from a lot of other personal tragedies. And then one night, he went to sleep in a hotel room and he died. And for you, Phil Mushnick, to use his death as an excuse for another call to action in your one-man vendetta against pro wrestling is more ''vulgar'' and more ''obscene'' than anything that you've ever falsely accused the wrestling industry of being guilty of! So on behalf of the wrestling fans, the wrestling industry, the friends and family of Brian Pillman, and anyone in this country that denies any one man the right to force his morals and his beliefs on all of us and to take away our constitutional rights, on behalf of those people, I say ''go to hell, Phil Mushnick''! And try to reform things down there because we're doing just fine without you!
:I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion.

=== October 27 ===

:'''Jim Cornette''': I'm Jim Cornette. I'm just wondering if there's any people that are sick and tired as I am to be the icon of wrestling. Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper claim to be the icon, Shawn Michaels is the icon that can still go, Bret Hart would claim to be the icon if he wasn't too busy crying about being screwed, and Randy Savage is still &quot;Thinkin', Thinkin'!&quot; Well, Shawn Michaels is still the single most talented athlete inside the ring, but outside he's an adolescent obnoxious jerk who takes the tights and goes home if he doesn't get his way. Bret Hart is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, but if he'd have been screwed as many times as he claims, he'd have struck oil by now. And Randy Savage is a legend, but let's face it, how many records did Frank Sinatra sell last year? But the pinnacle of this icon garbage came at last night's cage match between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper to determine—in their minds only—who the real icon is. WCW had the gall to say that this is the greatest cage match in history when it was the greatest in three weeks since Hell in a Cell. But here, you've got a 46-year-old, bald-headed movie star wannabe who looks like Uncle Creepy with a good build, taking on a guy with an artificial hip that hasn't wrestled a full schedule in ten years. It's a tribute to the massive egotism in my mind of both men and an indictment of WCW's promotional policies that this match took place, much less being in the main event when the card was probably the best that WCW was capable of having. By the ten minute mark, they were sucking wind so bad, the first three rows passed out of oxygen deprivation. Would've been funny if it wasn't sad. Well, I'm sick and damn tired of hearing guys claim to be the icon, especially when it used to come from guys who usually didn't know when to quit. Roddy Piper was my idol when I was a teenager, but that was 20 years ago. Hulk Hogan, during his best years, was 50% media recreation, and those days are long gone. This match was a slap in the face to every wrestler that takes pride in his profession, and in my mind, no one man is bigger in this sport. But if there is an icon, it would be a man who has great ability inside the ring, and professionalism and maturity outside of it. Let's leave all the petty backstabbing &quot;I make more money than you,&quot; BS with the hat check girl and let's concentrate on talent and attitude. The Undertaker, Ric Flair and Steve Austin have never claimed to be icons, which means that they are big candidates to be just that. And on a personal note to Hulk Hogan, you are a household word, but so is garbage and it stinks when it gets old too. I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion.

=== November 17 ===

:'''Jim Ross''': Let's cut right to the chase here. Seven days ago at the Survivor Series, did you, or did you not, [[w:Montreal Screwjob|screw Bret Hart]]?
:'''Vince''': Some would say I screwed Bret Hart; Bret Hart would definitely tell you I screwed him. I look at it from a different standpoint. I look at it from the standpoint of the referee did not screw Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels certainly did not screw Bret Hart, nor did Vince McMahon screw Bret Hart. I truly believe that Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart, and he can look in the mirror and know that.
:'''Jim Ross''': I'm sure in some parts of the country right now, there's a collective groan that you're not accepting responsibility, that you orchestrated the situation, and the fact that there are people not gonna understand what you mean by, &quot;Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart,&quot; so what do you mean by that?
:'''Vince''': Well, I will certainly take responsibility for any decision I've ever made; I've never had a problem doing that. Not that all of my decisions are accurate—they're not—but when I make a bad decision, I'm not above saying I'm sorry and trying to do the best about it that I can. Hopefully, the batting average is pretty good—I make more good decisions than I do bad decisions. And as far as screwing Bret Hart is concerned, there's a time-honored tradition in the wrestling business that when someone is leaving, that they show the right amount of respect to the WWF superstars, in this case, who helped make you that superstar. You show the proper respect to the organization that helped you become who you are today. It's a time-honored tradition, and Bret Hart didn't wanna honor that tradition, and that's something I never, ever would've expected from Bret because he is known as somewhat of a traditionalist in this business. It would've never crossed my mind that Bret would not have wanted to show the right amount of respect to the superstar who helped make him and the organization who helped make him what he is today. Nonetheless, that was Bret's decision. Bret screwed Bret.
:'''Jim Ross''': Some folks along the Internet know that, in 1996, Bret signed a 20-year contract with the WWF. Then I'm sure there are some at home now, some folks are saying, &quot;well, how could Bret Hart be...he's got 18 years left on the contract. How can he leave?&quot; Did Bret Hart ask you to leave the WWF, or did you ask him to leave the WWF?
:'''Vince''': This was a joint decision and it vacillated somewhat as well. It was a joint decision from both Bret and me. And ultimately what happened was the two of us got together and orchestrated the opportunity for Ted Turner's wrestling organization to quote, &quot;steal,&quot; Bret. I felt that, for business reasons, that Bret Hart and the salary we were paying him was not justified. And Bret felt that for creative reasons and the fact that he had become sort of second banana in his own mind to Shawn Michaels who had, quote, &quot;stolen his spot.&quot; So for financial reasons on my part, and creative reasons on Bret Hart's part, the two of us got together and decided, &quot;okay, let's do the very best we can for you, Bret.&quot; So the two of us orchestrated Bret Hart receiving a three-year deal, in which he is paid $3 million a year, which I believe is the richest deal in all of professional wrestling, and that's for working 125 days a year. So I felt from a personal standpoint that if Bret wasn't a great investment any longer for the WWF, although I really didn't want him to go, but nonetheless, that the least I could do for Bret is to help him help himself. And I told Bret, &quot;Bret, if you in fact get this deal from Turner, I am going to be the first person personally to congratulate you.&quot; And I was. From a business standpoint, I didn't really want to lose Bret. He wasn't paying off from a financial standpoint, but nonetheless, I really didn't want to lose Bret. 
:'''Jim Ross''': Certainly, the bitterness of the loss at the Survivor Series could never be more prevalent. He stands in the ring and spits in your face. Shortly thereafter, he is destroying WWF television equipment. Were you prepared for what happened after the match?
:'''Vince''': I was disappointed in Bret when he hit me. Very disappointed. Um, I sustained a concussion, as a result of it, with vision problems to this day. I'll get over it. I didn't think it was the right thing to do. Bret seems to be crowing about that, that I've read, where, you know, he feels proud of striking me. And it wasn't a question of a confrontation because even at 52 years old, I dare say that perhaps things would have been a little different if there was a confrontation. I allowed Bret to strike me, I had hoped that he wouldn't. I had hoped that we could sit down and try and work things out as gentlemen. That's what I had really hoped for. But that's not what happened. 
:'''Jim Ross''': Have you considered pressing charges or perusing legal remedies for that situation in his locker room?
:'''Vince''': I have considered it. I think those options are still available. I'm not pursuing it at the moment. I guess it all depends on Bret as to whether or not I do.
:'''Jim Ross''': If you were only a story writer, and the Survivor Series was the final chapter in the story of Bret Hart, the WWF years, how would have preferred to write the final chapter?
:'''Vince''': As a storyteller, I would have hoped that Bret's story would be a dramatic one. I would hope that Bret's story would be one that would give him dignity, that would give him the poise to state that, &quot;I was, maybe, the greatest WWF Superstar ever,&quot; in terms of his departure. And one way of being able to give back to the company, being able to give back to those individuals, those superstars, who helped you achieve the level of success that you have, when you know that you are leaving in a time-honored tradition, might have been, for argument's sake, that after the most grueling match that Bret ever had in his life, that Bret was pinned. But in that small moment of defeat, Bret would have stood straight up and shown the whole world what a true champion, both as a human being and a wrestling persona, he really is. And if I had been Bret, if I were writing the story, I can see Bret, after a 1-2-3, simply saying, &quot;Okay,&quot; to his opponent, &quot;you got the best of me. I want to congratulate you. I want to stick my hand out and congratulate you. And furthermore, I want everyone in the whole locker room to watch my match, so that I can show, for those who follow in my footsteps, the way in a time-honored tradition, this is to be done. To show every individual, every secretary, everyone in Titan Sports, the WWF, who counts on me to do the right thing, that I was there, that I was a Superstar, maybe the greatest of ever. And I went out the way a true champion would go out.&quot; 
:'''Jim Ross''': Are you able to step back and objectively look at this thing and evaluate your friend, your perhaps former friend Bret Hart, the human being, and have sympathy for this man?
:'''Vince''': Sympathy? I have no sympathy for Bret whatsoever. None. I have no sympathy for someone who is supposed to be a wrestling traditionalist, not doing the right thing for the business that made him, not doing the right thing for the fans and the performers and the organization who helped make him what he is today. Bret made a very, very selfish decision. Bret's gonna have to live with that for the rest of his life. Bret screwed Bret. I have no sympathy whatsoever for Bret.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Ross''': This is a crazy question. Would you welcome Bret Hart back? If he said, &quot;you know Vince, I've changed my mind. Can I come back?&quot; Would you allow him to return to the WWF? I mean, he spit in your face, notwithstanding destroying television monitors &amp; equipment, certainly notwithstanding the fact that he punched you. Would you allow him to ever come back to the WWF if that was an option?
:'''Vince''': This is a strange business, and yes, I would. We would have to have a real frank understanding. I would want to hear Bret say, &quot;Vince, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be selfish, I just kind of lost it there for a while.&quot; And I have no problem saying, &quot;Bret, jeez, I'm sorry that I had to do what I had to do as well.&quot; Would I welcome him back? I also would tell Bret no more free shots. I would want that strictly from a man's standpoint, I'd want him to know that. And in the future if we're going to have problems along those lines, in the locker room or anywhere else, okay, we're going to have them, but no more free shots. Yeah. If Bret could tear up his contract with the other guys right now and return, I'd welcome Bret back under those conditions.
:'''Jim Ross''': Was his motivation...do you believe his motivations then, primarily? He said he didn't leave here for the money. 
:'''Vince''': There were signs in the arena following Survivor Series, &quot;Bret sold out.&quot; Bret seems to be sensitive to that subject, that he doesn't want to be known as someone who sold out. I'm proud of the fact that I helped Bret sell out. And that's what Bret did, he sold out. And it's not a big deal because I helped him do it. So, do I think that Bret left for the money? I think that when your making $3 million a year, and you're working 125 days of that year, I think Bret sold out, and I don't blame him for selling out. I helped him sell out. Matter of fact, I would suggest there could be a long line outside the next locker room with wrestlers begging me, &quot;Vince, help me sell out.&quot; So, do I think he sold out? Yeah, and I think that every time Bret says, &quot;No, I didn't do it for the money,&quot; I think that Bret loses credibility every time he says that.
:'''Jim Ross''': Did this whole ugly ordeal with Bret Hart affect you more professionally, the businessman side of Vince McMahon, or the personal side of Vince McMahon? 
:'''Vince''': From the business side, the WWF will go on beyond Bret Hart. From the personal side, it definitely has affected me. I think that Bret and I...you can't end a 14-year relationship like was ended without having feelings. I regret that I felt that I was forced into making the decision that I made. I regret that Bret didn't do the right thing for the business and for himself, because it wouldn't have cost him one dollar less with his deal with Turner. I regret that his fans, if there is such a thing separate from WWF fans, are in any way hurt by any of this. I regret that his family is enduring...having to endure this tirade that Bret seems to be on. I regret that a member of my family, my son, had to witness some of this, especially in the locker room. I regret all of that, from a personal standpoint, yet steadfast remain that I made a tough decision, but it was the right decision for the WWF fans and the WWF superstars that remain here loyal to us. 
:'''Jim Ross''': If you had the opportunity to speak with Bret, and now's not a bad opportunity, because you know he watching. Everybody involved in this situation is watching this right now. What would you say to him now?
:'''Vince''': Probably what I said to him in the locker room, and that is that he made a mistake, that I believe he'll regret from a professional standpoint, didn't have to be made that way. I felt I had to do what I had to do for my company, and our fans, and our superstars that remain here. And I'm unwavering in that point of view, and perhaps Bret is unwavering in his point of view. I don't know that we'll ever get together, I hope we will one day. It's too bad that a 14-year relationship was destroyed because one member of that relationship forgot that we're in the sports-entertainment business. Forgot where he came from.
:'''Jim Ross''': When will you be over this?
:'''Vince''': I'm over it now. At the same time, Bret has been such a part of the WWF. Bret will always...a part of Bret will always be here in the World Wrestling Federation, and I'm going to remember the good times. I'm going to remember all the things that we did with Bret, which he performed to his greatest degree possible, and told those wonderful stories. I'm going to remember Bret as the Excellence of Execution. It's just too damn bad that in the end, Bret really wasn't &quot;the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.&quot; And he had that opportunity to live up to that in his final match in the WWF, and he failed. 

=== December 15 ===
:'''Jim Ross''' ''[describing Steve Austin’s trip after leaving the arena]'': This could be a [[w:P. J. Carlesimo|P.J. Carlesimo]] situation.
:'''Jim Cornette''': Who?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince McMahon''': Owen Hart, I know you are here tonight. You've been spotted. Owen Hart, I know you can hear my voice, wherever you may be in this arena. And I must inform you that you've been endangering indeed the safety certainly of our ringside fans with your antics as of late.
:'''Jim Cornette''': McMahon's turning into [[w:In Living Color|Fire Marshall Bill]] with all this &quot;fan safety&quot; business.
:'''Vince''': You've been crawling over ringside fans coming into the ring interfering in matches with Shawn Michaels. And make no mistake: I don't give a damn about Shawn Michaels – it's just that you're endangering the safety of ringside fans by coming in and coming out. That will not be tolerated. I know you can hear me. I like to remind you, Owen: You are still under contract to the World Wrestling Federation. And as such, I'm ordering you to appear in this ring, right now. ''[Owen Hart walks to the ring from somewhere in the audience to &quot;Owen&quot; chants]'' What's this all about, and who do you think you are?
:'''Owen Hart''': ''[takes off shades]'' Who do I think I am? ''[pokes Vince]'' Who the HELL do you think you are?! You think I owe you a goddamn apology?! I don't owe you a goddamn thing! I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody else around here, and the bullshit stops right here!
:'''Cornette''': Well, ''that's'' showing McMahon plenty of respect!
:'''Jim Ross''': This could get very, very ugly in a hurry.
:'''Owen''': Now my brother, Bret, and Neidhart, and Bulldog, they did what they had to do, and now it's time for ''me'' to do what I have to do, and that is remain right here in the World Wrestling Federation! ''[crowd cheers]'' Now, I spent nine years breaking my back day-after-day to earn a reputation in this company, and nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is going to run me out of this company, and you know EXACTLY who I'm talking about!
:'''Vince''': Oh yeah, I have a real good idea who you're talking about. You're talking about self-professed &quot;Showstopper,&quot; right? You're talking about the Icon, you're talking about the WWF Champion, Shawn Michaels. And isn't that really what it's all about, Owen? Huh? Isn't that what this whole thing's all about? You attempting to gain the only title that's eluded you in your career here? It's all about the WWF Title, isn't it?
:'''Owen''': How stupid are you? Is that what you think this is about?! Do you think I give a damn about a worthless title: a piece of leather with tin on it?! This is real life, Vince. This is real life - MY life! MY reputation! MY respect! MY dignity! And McMahon, don't you get me wrong. I'm not ASKING you, I am TELLING you exactly what I am going to do! And that is... and that is make Shawn Michaels' life a living HELL! 
:'''Ross''': A lot of that going around these days.
:'''Cornette''': I--I know what you mean!
:'''Vince''' ''[exasperated]'': Let me tell you--
:'''Owen''': Listen to me for a second. You can call me the &quot;Sole Survivor,&quot; you can call me the &quot;Black Sheep,&quot; I really don't give a shit!
:'''Ross''': Uh-oh. Not good.
:'''Owen''': Shawn Michaels, this is not a game, this is real life, and you started it... and now, it's time for this &quot;little nugget&quot; to end it!
:'''Ross''': Shawn Michaels is a marked man, and so is Helmsley!
:'''Vince''': All right, now let me tell you what ''I'm'' going to do, Mr. Hart. I believe we have some uniformed security I'd like to ask to come to the ring. ''[crowd boos]'' And the reason I'd like to ask for uniformed security, Mr. Hart, is to make sure that, again, we do not endanger the safety of any of our ringside fans, because next week... next week, right here, you're gonna come in to the ring down the ramp like every other WWF superstar, and you're gonna compete in this ring next week just like every other WWF superstar. You're not gonna run over any more ringside fans – all right?!
:'''Cornette''' ''[as security surrounds Owen]'': That's every cop in New Hampshire!
:'''Ross''' ''[as Owen approaches Vince]'': Look out here. I don't like the look in Owen Hart's eyes. He's been under a tremendous amount of stress.
:'''Cornette''': Looks like a hungry dog eyeing a steak!
:'''Ross''': Owen could snap at any--
:''[Owen grabs Vince and stares him down]''
:'''Cornette''': Hey!
:'''Ross''': Oh, uh-oh!
:'''Cornette''' ''[as Owen pushes Vince away and Vince motions for security to get Owen out]'': Just to prove he can do it! Whatever Shawn Michaels has to say, I'll tell you what: in my opinion, Owen Hart's got some big nuggets! ''[Owen gets taken out of the arena through the crowd as they chant his name]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince McMahon''': It has been said that anything can happen here in the World Wrestling Federation, but now more than ever, truer words have never been spoken. This is a conscious effort on our part to &quot;Open the Creative Envelope&quot;, so to speak, in order to entertain you in a more contemporary manner. Even though we call ourselves &quot;sports entertainment&quot; because of the athleticism involved, the key word in that phrase is &quot;entertainment&quot;. The WWF extends far beyond the strict confines of sports presentation into the wide open environment of broad-based entertainment. We borrow from such program niches like soap operas like ''[[w:Days of our Lives|The Days of our Lives]]'', or music videos such as those on [[w:MTV|MTV]], daytime talk-shows like ''[[w:The Jerry Springer Show|Jerry Springer]]'' and others, cartoons like ''[[w:King of the Hill|The King of the Hill]]'' on [[w:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox]], sitcoms like ''[[w:Seinfeld|Seinfeld]]'', and other widely accepted forms of television entertainment. We in the WWF think that you, the audience, are quite frankly tired of having your intelligence insulted. We also think that you're tired of the same old simplistic theory of &quot;good guys vs. bad guys&quot;. Surely the era of &quot;[[w:Hulk Hogan|The superhero who urge you to say your prayers and take your vitamins]]&quot; is definitely passe. Therefore, we've embarked upon a far more innovative and contemporary creative campaign that is far more invigorating and extemporaneous than ever before. However, due to the live nature of ''Raw'' and ''The War Zone'', we encourage some degree of parental discretion as it relates to the younger audience allowed to stay up late. Other WWF programs on USA such as Saturday Morning ''[[w:WWF LiveWire|LiveWire]]'' and Sunday Morning ''[[w:WWF Superstars of Wrestling|Superstars]]'', where there is a 40% increase in the younger audience, obviously however need no such discretion. We are responsible television producers who work hard to bring you this outrageous, wacky, wonderful world known as the WWF. Through some 50 years, the World Wrestling Federation has been an entertainment mainstay here in North America and all over the world. One of the reasons for that longevity is as the times have changed, so have we. I am happy to say that this new vibrant, creative direction has resulted in a huge increase in television viewership, for which we thank [[w:USA Network|USA Network]] and [[w:The Sports Network|TSN]] for allowing us to have the creative freedom, but most especially we would like to thank you for watching. Raw and the War Zone are definitely the cure for the common show.

=== December 22 ===

:'''Jim Ross''': Remember, the European Title on the line. Shawn Michaels putting the European Title on the line here, as he will the WWF Title at the Royal Rumble in that much-anticipated casket match with the Undertaker. ''[Shawn and Hunter lock up and Hunter immediately shoves Shawn down]'' Collar-and-elbow tie-up.
:''[Hunter over-dramatically runs the ropes over a supine Shawn for 14 seconds]''
:'''Jim Cornette''': And reluctantly on his part, on both of them. He didn't want to put the title up either.
:'''Ross''': Wait a minute. Why is Michaels just lying there?
:'''Cornette''': Well, why doesn't Helmsley slow down and stop? What is it?
:'''Ross''': ''[catching on]'' It's a mockery. ''[Hunter jumps and softly splashes Shawn, hooking his leg]'' We thought that... oh, here it is.
:''[Hebner counts to three. Hunter celebrates while Shawn &quot;cries.&quot;]''
:'''Cornette''': ''[over Tony Chimel's announcement]'' It was a ruse! 
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here is your winner and the new World Wrestling Federation European Champion: &quot;Triple H&quot; Hunter Hearst-Helmsley!
:'''Cornette''': ''[cont'd]'' A ploy, a plot, a plan, a charade, a conspiracy, a sham! We've been conned, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flim-flammed, had the wool pulled over our eyes even!
:'''Ross''': Slaughter apparently has been watching this on the monitor, we've just been informed, and is on his way to the ring. Helmsley with the European Title. We thought it was gonna be Slaughter's revenge.
:'''Cornette''': Look at these two jackasses! Michael [''sic''] cries every time he comes to this town!

=== December 29 ===

:'''Jim Cornette''': Well, the WWF has asked me to do a commentary on the state of wrestling in 1998; I guess they figured, &quot;Cornette's always good for a couple of laughs.&quot; Well, I'm not really gonna be too funny tonight. Because you see, I think the state of wrestling in 1998 ''stinks''! I think WCW stinks, I think the nWo stinks, I think ECW is embarrassing, and I think the WWF stinks! And I'll tell you why. You don't have to go back any further than last week on Raw, you got a guy coming out dressed like a Christmas tree, you got a woman dressed like a reindeer, you got two adolescent mulletheads showing their butt cheeks on national TV, and having a phony match for a championship! I think it stinks! I think it's disgusting! I think nobody has any respect for wrestling anymore! Where is &quot;wrestling&quot;? Not &quot;sports entertainment&quot;, but ''wrestling''! You know, just a couple of years ago, I left my home in Tennessee and I moved to Connecticut, which is like trading a Hawaiian vacation for a bed in a cancer ward, to come to work for the WWF full-time, the biggest wrestling promotion in the history of the planet! And I moved to Connecticut with snow on the ground seven months out of the year, real estate prices that would make Donald Trump's hair stand on end, the rudest bunch of people I've ever seen where English is the second language, and traffic jams at four o'clock in the morning! But I think that's OK, because I'm with the biggest wrestling promotion of all time, the WWF! But over the last couple of years, I don't see any wrestling! They got some great wrestlers around here, but they don't have any time to wrestle, because of all the folderol and the nonsense going on! You see, what the problem is, is the people running the two big promotions! [[w:Eric Bischoff|One guy]] is a game show host wannabe from Minneapolis with phony teeth, phony hair, and a phony tan! And running the WWF, you got a whole office building full of Yankees from New York City that wouldn't know a wrestling match if it bit them! So they sit around all day, listening to people on the Internet; and the people on the Internet wouldn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch! I don't particularly care what some Yankee from New York City wants to see! I wanna see wrestling matches with wrestlers! I wanna see real old-fashioned wrestling! I wanna see some people who have some respect for the traditions of the wrestling industry, have some respect for the sport of wrestling! I don't wanna see &quot;sports entertainment&quot; and flying donkeys all around! I think it's garbage, I think it's insulting, and I think it's a shame to a fine sport like this! Down south where I come from, they know wrestling, they were brought up on it, they grew up on it, and they respect it! And I think it's about time that the promoters and the wrestling industry today recognize that wrestling fans watching a wrestling programme want to see wrestlers '''''wrestle'''''! That's... That's easy! It's not too hard to understand if you just think about it. But the problem is, is that nobody has any respect for tradition. Well, I got news for you; I got respect for tradition, and I've always been associated with real good old-fashioned wrestling, a sport of wrestling, not a circus sideshow, not a cartoon show; and if nobody else is bring some wrestling around here, then maybe it's gonna be up to Jim Cornette! So that might be my New Year's resolution for 1998! I might bring some tradition, I might bring some ''real'' wrestling back and clear this whole mess out, because I think it stinks! So there's my address, there's my opinion, there's my commentary, do with it what you want, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Bah Humbug, I'm outta here!

== 1998 ==

=== January 12 ===
:''[After stunning Mankind and Goldust, Steve Austin puts on JR's headset.]''
:'''Steve Austin''': Oh hell yeah! No more Mr. Nice Guy until after this Rumble! Jim, someone told me the other day at the airport, &quot;Steve, if you think you can win the Rumble, give me a hell yeah!&quot; And I gave a &quot;OH HELLLLL YEAHHHHH!&quot;

=== January 19 ===
:'''Vince McMahon''': At this time I'd like to introduce to you a man who is simply the baddest man on the planet! Ladies and gentlemen, &quot;Iron&quot; Mike Tyson! ''[Tyson enters the ring with his crew]'' &quot;Iron&quot; Mike Tyson! Mike, it is unquestionable, an honor and a privilege to have you standing in a World Wrestling Federation ring.
:'''Mike Tyson''': Well, it is a privilege to be here, man. I don't know, I've been a fan since I'm eight, nine years old and I'm just happy to be here.
:'''Vince''': Well, tell me your old time favorites here in the WWF.
:'''Mike''': Bruno Sammartino.
:'''Vince''': Don Leo Jonathan as well?
:'''Mike''': Nikolai Volkoff, man I go way back. I'm just proud to be involved in this.
:'''Vince''': Alright, now ladies and gentlemen. The moment we have awaited, the big announcement, and the announcement is that on March 29th at WrestleMania in this very ring...&quot;Iron&quot; Mike Tyson will... ''[Steve Austin's music interrupts McMahon and Austin enters the ring. Several officials and execs rush in.]'' Hey! Hey! Mr. Austin, why are you here?
:'''Steve''': Because I'm sick and tired of seeing Mike Tyson, he comes in, he's shaking everybody's hands, making friends with all the WWF Superstars, and it's made me so damn sick, I've been in the back throwing up. ''[Tyson extends his hand]'' I ain't gonna shake your damn hand, because I ain't out here to make friends with you. Mike... shut up. I respect... I respect what you've done in the boxing world, but Jesus Christ, son, when you step in this ring, you're messing with Stone Cold Steve Austin and that's something you don't do. Let me make it short and sweet, what I'm telling you is I want a piece of Mike Tyson's ass. ''[To Vince]'' Shut up. Don't say one word, Vince; I'll knock your damn lights out, too. I respect what you've done, Mike, but you're out here calling yourself the baddest man on the planet. Right now, you got your little beady eyes locked on the eyes of the world's toughest son-of-a-bitch! I can beat you any day of the week, twice on Sunday. Do I think I... Do I think you can beat my ass? Hell no! Do I think I can beat your ass? Why, hell yeah! I don't know how good your hearin' is, but if you don't understand what I'm sayin', I always got a little bit of sign language, so here's to ya! ''[flips off Tyson to Vince's surprise. Tyson gestures with his hands and shoves Austin, causing a brawl between the two men. Everybody else pulls them apart and Austin is manhandled off the ring]''
:'''Vince''': Get out of here! You ruined it, you ruined it! ''[goes under second rope to get closer down to Austin] '''YOU RUINED IT, DAMMIT, YOU RUINED IT!!!''' [Austin flips him off as Shane tries to placate Vince]''
===February 2===
:''[Shawn and Triple H along with Chyna make their apology to RAW's carrier networks in a manner of an official presidential announcement]''
:'''Shawn Michaels''': Good evening my fellow Americans. This past week, Degeneration X was informed that TSN, STAR TV, SKY Sports, and USA Network is drawing the line on standards and practices as it relates to WWF programming and Degeneration X. In the future, we need to be careful of what we do and what we won't do. Again, DX gets in trouble every time we do something fortuitously. Therefore, the following is the standard and practices that DX promises to adhere to. ''[steps aside for Triple H]''
:'''Triple H''': From the hours of nine to ten PM, we will only use the words &quot;ass&quot;, &quot;damn&quot;, and &quot;hell&quot;. We will, however use the words &quot;shit&quot;, &quot;fuck&quot;, &quot;goddamn&quot;, &quot;Jesus Christ&quot;, &quot;bitch,&quot; &quot;faggot&quot;, or any other sexual or racial slurs. From the ten to eleven PM hour, we will only use the words &quot;ass&quot;, &quot;damn&quot;, &quot;hell&quot; and &quot;bitch.&quot; We will never, however use the words &quot;shit&quot;, &quot;fuck&quot;, &quot;goddamn&quot;, &quot;Jesus Christ&quot;, &quot;faggot&quot;, or any other racial or sexual slurs. Now as it pertains to video, we promise there will be less dick references-
:'''Shawn Michaels''': Oh shit!
:'''HHH''': ''[to Shawn with light tap on chest]'' Watch your fucking mouth!
:'''Shawn''': ''[scoffs]'' Fuck me.
:'''HHH''': Goddamn it. Fuck! Anyway, we will have less references to our enormous genitalia. ''[gives way to Shawn]''
:'''Shawn''': On a final note, you know many of you believe that currently, the favored pastime in the Oral Office is &quot;Swallow the Leader&quot;...''[delivers like Clinton's famous denial]'' I did not, I repeat, I did not sleep with that young intern. ''[normal]'' As a matter of fact, I was ''[makes DX crotchchop]'' UP ALL NIGHT!! ''[laughs along with HHH]''

===March 2===
:''[Kane has just decked out a fan and timekeeper Mark Yeaton, but Paul Bearer couldn't assure him enough that a constant tolling of bells was nothing... until they see a casket on the stage hit by a lightning bolt and the Undertaker rises out of it]''
:'''The Undertaker''': Welcome to HELL! I am the demon who will lead you into eternal damnation. Kane, you disappointed me. Is that the best effort that you can put together at the Royal Rumble? Did you think that could destroy me? Don't you know that you cannot destroy that does not wish to perish? And you, Paul, the ''audacity'' to come out here week after week and claim responsibility for my disappearance! The fact of the matter is: all those times when I return to the world of darkness it's of my own appoint. It's a time for spiritual healing. It's a time for the truth, and I know the truth. At this trip, what I was doing was soothing the souls of my parents, because I had to explain to them why I would have to do the one thing I promised never to do. Kane...
:'''Paul Bearer''': You're not The Phenom anymore! I'm standing next to the real Phenom!
:''[Kane lights up the stage but Undertaker passes right through the fireworks]''
:'''Undertaker''': I will walk straight through the FIRES OF HELL to face you, Kane! And when you look into the eyes of your older brother, you will understand why, I am the most feared entity in the World Wrestling Federation. You will understand why, I am the Reaper of Wayward Souls and you will understand why I am the Lord of Darkness. Kane, there is one thought that I want you to think about between now and WrestleMania 14 – March 29th. I want you to remember, when we were small children, and we would begin to fight, mother and father were always there to pull me off of you. Well, this time there won't be anyone to save you. May the hounds of hell eat your rotting soul and you will...Rest...In...Peace!

===March 16===
:''[legends vignette for WrestleMania XIV, featuring voiceovers of WWF legends over footage]''
:'''&quot;Classy&quot; Freddie Blassie''': I can still hear the echoes cheering my name.
:'''Killer Kowalski''': Time has not silenced the crowd.
:'''Ernie Ladd''': I never did a moonsault.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': or walked the top rope.
:'''Pat Patterson''': There were no pyrotechnics...
:'''Monsoon''': No fancy, flashing lights.
:'''Blassie''': We never flew through the air.
:'''Patterson''': We were men of courage...
:'''Kowalski''': Men of steel...
:'''Blassie''': They were men without fear.
:'''Ladd''': I can still hear the echoes cheering my name.
:'''Monsoon''': But today...
:'''Blassie''': I cheer for them.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the lights are out again as Kane and Paul Bearer are in the ring ready to pounce on Sable; Undertaker appears at the top of the TitanTron]''
:'''Undertaker''': Kane, WrestleMania 14, I will strike down upon thee with anger and furious vengeance!!! I will deliver you to the fiery pits of eternal damnation. You will know my name as the Lord of Darkness! Little brother, I felt your wrath, now you're gonna feel mine. It's too late to turn back. The only thing that you can do now is Rest...In...Peace!!! ''[summons lightning bolt that opens upright casket at the stage, revealing an effigy of Kane that suddenly burns]''

===March 23===
:''[The Undertaker visits his parents' graves]''
:'''Undertaker''': Mother and Father, I've done some things in my life which I'm not very proud and I'm sure there's been occasions where I haven't live up to your expectations of me. I do hope that now, you'd understand, that I've come to my crossroads. The Devil himself stands before me in the form of my own flesh and blood, of my own brother Kane. Mother, please forgive me for the sin which I'm about to commit, a sin so heinous, but its something that must be done. In the end, I only hope that together, as one we can rest in peace, a family once again - and as such is not the case, I alone am willing to serve my penance. I am willing to burn in my own damnation. I'm willing to look my destiny in the eye and go where the Reaper leads me. Please understand, he's given me no other choice. I have to fight. Just know that I love you.

===March 30===
:''[HHH appears in the ring with Chyna after Wrestlemania XIV]''
:'''Triple H''': You know, a lot can happen in twenty-four hours... let's start with Mike Tyson. You know, I must have asked a thousand times, &quot;Is he locked in? Is he with us? Is he a part of us? Are you SURE? Is it sewn up?&quot; Heh - what I heard was &quot;Don't worry, kid - I got it covered. Don't sweat it. You worry too much - it's sewn up. Let me make the decisions.&quot; Well, you dropped the ball. But don't worry, HBK, 'cause Triple H picked it up, and now the ball is in MY court! I'll take care of the worries - I'll take care of the problems - and I'll make the decisions. This is the genesis of D-Generation X. Tonight, live in front of the world, I form the DX Army - an army to take care of business that should have been taken care of right from the start. And when you start an army, when you set out to do what no one else can do, the first thing you do is you look to your blood - you look to your buddies - you look to your friends. You look to the Kliq! ''[points to the stage and DX music plays... as Sean &quot;123 Kid&quot; Waltman appears and heads down to the ring to greet Triple H]'' You know, when you've been an indentured servant for two years, you run up a lot of feelings - talk to 'em, Kid.
:'''Sean &quot;123 Kid&quot; Waltman''': ALBANY NEW YORK - RAISE SOME HELL MAKE A LITTLE NOISE! First things first - I've got a little something I've got to get off my chest right now. I heard Hulk Hogan come out on television sayin' I couldn't cut the mustard. Well, Hulk Hogan, you suck, pal! So I don't think you have any room to talk about anybody cutting any kind of mustard. And Hulk, I got some... I got some more advice for ya. You'd better not stop short, or Eric Bischoff will go so far up your ass, he'll know what you had for breakfast!
:And now on to important matters at hand. I'm sittin' at home with my mind on my money and my money on my mind - and I get a call from one of my best friends o' my entire life, Triple H, and he says, &quot;DX needs your help.&quot; Well dammit, Triple H, any time you ever need anything from me, pal, you got it. And I got something else to say - Kevin Nash and Scott Hall would be standing right here with us if they weren't bein' held hostage by World Championship Wrestling and that's a fact Eric Bischoff, so put that in your pipe and smoke it! So the way I see it right now, this is a new beginning for D-Generation X, and we're here to rip ass on the World Wrestling Federation... AND IT STARTS TONIGHT!!!!
:'''Triple H''': Oh yeah, by the way, I got two words for ya...
:'''Kid''': SUCK IT!
:'''Triple H''': Yeah!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Paul Bearer gloats over Kane mauling Undertaker the night before]''
:'''Paul Bearer''': Undertaker! Behold, your brother. Undertaker...did you actually believe last night, after the 1, 2, 3 that it was all over? Did you actually think so!? You are looking at your flesh and blood - the only man to ever kick out of your famous Tombstone. Not once - but twice! And he would have done it a third time! Don't you know, Undertaker - you have had to change. After all this, I know you've had to change, deep down inside, that cold, cold heart that your body harbors!

:You have faced your flesh and blood, one on one! He beat you all over that ring last night - the whole world's seen it! You cowered in the corner, Undertaker, as your brother put his fist against your skull. After I returned to the hotel last evening, I put myself in bed, I shut my eyes. I was proud, but I was awoken at about 2am with a dream! Yes, Kane, I had a dream! In that dream, I saw a wrestling ring - in that dream, I saw the ring surrounded by fire... in that ring, I saw Kane, standing all alone. Undertaker, I challenge YOU to step into my dream - step into the ring - step into the fire and face your brother one more time! But the dream is not finished yet... in order to win this match, Undertaker, either you or your brother will have to '''CATCH FIRE!''' The loser must catch fire - an Inferno! Unforgiven! In! Your! House!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Austin gets his phone call after being arrested earlier]''
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': ''[patched to JR in the arena]'' Jesus Christ, this is Stone Cold Steve Austin. I get one phone call when you get locked up in jail and I'm sure Vince McMahon thought I was gonna call a lawyer? ehhehehh!!! That ain't gonna happen! I want you to tell Vince McMahon firsthand, I think he's a sorry sorry son of a bitch and the last time I checked, the last time I checked when you give someone the Stone Cold Stunner, it ain't punishable by the death penalty, so that means, Vince McMahon's ass belongs to Stone Cold Steve Austin, and next week on RAW IS WAR, he's gonna find out just how pissed off Stone Cold Steve Austin is and I can guarantee you one thing, it ain't gonna be a very fun night for Vince McMahon next Monday night and if that don't work, I'll pay his ass a house call just like I've done in the past. Vince McMahon will find out, Austin 3:16 say I just whipped your ass and that's what's gonna happen!

===April 6===
:''[Cactus Jack appears]''
:'''Cactus Jack''': I have always taken a lot of chances in the ring and some very bad things have happened to me over the years, but I've always had the comfort of knowing that when I looked at my career, my dreams, the things I accomplished, the things I'd set my heart on... that it was always worth the pain. So people ask, &quot;Cactus, so how's your neck?&quot;, I say, that I'll be damned, if I'm gonna let a group of SCUM like DX put Cactus Jack away.

:No, I guess, you see, that... Terry Funk's not here and I haven't talked to Terry, but I've left a message on his answering machine and I'm not saying this to sound tough, but Cactus Jack and Terry Funk do not miss wrestling matches! So I have to guess, if the Funker was hurt enough to fly home, that it's probably pretty bad. And I really wish that people could know Terry a little bit more than what they see in the ring, because people will always debate on who the greatest wrestler of all time is, but I guarantee you, you ask every damn last bunch of people in the dressroom, they'll say that Terry Funk is the gutsiest old bastard they've ever seen in their lives.

:And I guess you've probably seen Terry's back, and I hope you saw WrestleMania because it was a tremendous match and I'm very proud of it, and Terry was laying there on the bed with his belt and he said, &quot;Cactus, I'm gonna be alright because I consider this the last match of my career.&quot; See, Terry always wanted to retire as a WWF champion and he said, &quot;Cactus, it's all been worth it, but we don't have those belts now, do we?&quot; And I'm not gonna get into the reason why, but I will say, that when Cactus Jack was laying - and I was conscious and I could move, but it was very hard to move and I was not very far from being unconscious - and when I looked at Terry Funk, well, I heard something in my... in my ears that - I gotta tell you the truth - it kinda made me sick! That's... there was an announcement being made, thanking the fans for coming to the WWF event... and they said something about Stone Cold Steve Austin... and, uh, yeah, people... people started chanting his name. And it's... it's funny, because... when I came here two years ago and I was Mankind, there were always people saying, &quot;Why don't you just be Cactus Jack?&quot; Then I came out in tie-dye and white boots, and they said, &quot;You know, why don't you just be Cactus Jack?&quot; Well, I gave you Cactus Jack. I GAVE YOU EVERY GODDAMN PIECE OF ENERGY I HAD... and when I was laying there, helpless... you chanted someone else's name... ''[stands up]''

:This is not a knock on Stone Cold Steve Austin! Hey I'm happy he's the champion, and he may not admit it, but we've known each other a long time, and he's been my friend. But what you did to me and Terry Funk laying here in the middle of the ring was not only distasteful and disrespectful, it was goddamn disgusting... and I'm gonna give you a chance to make it up to me... because I'm gonna accept a group apology right now. ''[feels crowd heat]'' Well... I can finally say for the first time, after 13 years of blood, sweat and tears, that it's not worth it anymore. It's gonna be a long time before you see Cactus Jack in a ring again. ''[drops mic and leaves ring]''

===April 13===
:''[Shane McMahon and Jim Ross are in Vince McMahon's locker room asking him not to take up Steve Austin's challenge for a WWF title match]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': You get to the car, ok? ''[slams coat onto the table]'' Get my bag and bring it back here.
:'''Shane McMahon''': ''[over Vince's command]'' This is the dumbest decision you've ever made.
:'''Vince''': It may be.
:'''Gerald Brisco''': No it's not.
:'''Shane''': This is the dumbest decision you've ever made!
:'''Brisco''': No, it's not!
:'''Vince''': ''[to JR as Shane storms out]'' And you, you go out there and do your job please, thank you very much.

===April 27===
:''[DX - the New Age Outlaws, Chyna, and XPac, assemble near a military jeep with recoilless cannon]''
:'''Triple H''': Attention! ''[the four stand at attention with Chyna poking her M-16 into Road Dogg's crotch. starts pacing back and forth]'' At ease, men. ''[group goes at ease. Billy Gunn has his rocket launcher tucked like an erect penis and lowers it a bit]'' I said at ease! ''[rocket launcher is lowered more]'' That's better. ''[walks to Billy]'' Stand up straight, soldier. Today we embark on a mission. We have seen the enemy, and he's near. So today, we're gonna go down there.
:'''DX members''': Down where, sir? 
:'''HHH''': There ''[makes crotch gesture]'' and we will blow them out of the water. This mission, should you choose to accept it, will start at the [[w:Norfolk Scope|Norfolk Scope]], with ''[mock Southern drawl]'' Dubya-C-Dubya, the Rasslin' ''[to normal voice]'' and it will end right here tonight, at the [[w:Hampton Roads Coliseum|Hampton Roads Coliseum]], for RAW is WAR. This is your mission, ''[XPac makes a few unintelligible words]'' if you choose to accept it, ladies and gentlemen, if you choose to accept it, it will be all for one and ''[gestures open-palm to DX]''
:'''All DX members''': One for All, so ''[makes DX crotch chop]'' SUCK IT! ''[talk amongst themselves as they mount the jeep. HHH stands on the shotgun seat]''
:'''HHH''': ''[gestures with baton]'' ATTACK!!! ''[DX starts moving]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Paul Bearer has just cut a promo about Kane's predicament at Unforgiven, revealing Kane is his son]''
:'''Jim Ross''':... and of course, the Undertaker obviously was shocked. What we're hearing then is that Paul Bearer is Kane's father.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': And do you know what that means? You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out - that means Paul Bearer had to sleep with the Undertaker's mother!
:'''Ross''': Good Lord..
:'''Lawler''': Whoa!! ''[scoffs and laughs at the revelation]''

===May 4===
:'''Mick Foley''': Cut this music... does anybody here know my name? Because to tell you the truth, I don't know who the hell I am anymore. At Unforgiven, I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin - no I do not have the heavyweight title, but I came real close. And for those of you who've never been on the receiving end of a Stone Cold ass-kicking, let me tell you, it doesn't feel that good... If you were to ask Stone Cold Steve Austin how he felt the next day, well he probably would say he didn't feel a whole hell of a lot better.

:So now, how do I get rewarded for my efforts at Unforgiven? By receiving a rematch? No! By being proclaimed the No.1 contender? No! You see, that honor went to... Goldust. The last time I checked my resume, I was going head to head with the heavyweight champion of the world. The last time I checked the resume of Goldust, that panty-wearing pansy... he was wearing a black teddy in a woman's negligee match. And now the WWF has informed me that I am to wrestle Terry Funk in a no-holds-barred, falls-count-anywhere match. And I guess I know what Vince McMahon must thinking, 'hey let those two kill each other and I won't have to deal with them anymore.'

:You see, I don't have all the answers, but I do know a few things. Number one, I'll be damned if I'm going to throw away 13 years of hard work by sucking up to a low-life like Vince McMahon; number two, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let my wife and kids see me bumping and grinding with a couple of second rate strippers on national television; and number three, I'll be damned if I perform in this stuff ''[Dude Love Outfit]'' ever again. What I'd like right now is to have Vince McMahon out here, because I, Cactus Jack, want some answers and I want them right now! I am waiting for your replay! Vince McMahon, if you are a man, you come out here and face the music. ''[Vince McMahon enters the ring]'' Vince, I don't care what you do - if you bury it ''[Dude Love Outfit]'', you burn it or you put it on yourself, but you will not make me dress up like a horse's ass... EVER... are we understood? ARE WE?&quot;

:'''Vince McMahon''': You've got guts enough to call me out before you? Me? The owner of the World Wrestling Federation? You've got guts enough to call me out before you and all these people? Who the hell do you think you are? Let me tell you something - sure, you hold a victory over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Unforgiven, but you didn't get the job done, because Stone Cold Steve Austin is still the World Wrestling Federation champion!

:And the next night, sure, Goldust becomes the #1 contender, how do you react? You kvetch, you bitch, you cry, you moan, just like all these other people would at their lost opportunity, because you see... they have to make excuses when they don't get that raise, they don't get that promotion, they have to make excuses - I would expect better from you and then... you think I'm trying to punish you by booking you in a match with your best friend, Terry Funk, a no-holds-barred match?
:'''Mick''': Yes, I do!
:'''Vince''': That's not a punishment, THAT'S REWARD, that's what it is, a REWARD!
:'''Mick''': How you figure?
:'''Vince''': Because I believe that you and I are a lot alike. I believe that you recognize this as it truly is. You see, I take adversity and turn it into triumph... This match that you have with your best friend is an opportunity, and that's what I give better than anybody else in the world, opportunity... don't you see? Can't you clearly see this picture? Who've you been listening to?

:Because, if you seize this moment, if you take your best friend out to this ring tonight, and you not only beat him, but beat him... an inch from his life, if you tear him limb from limb... if you REACH INTO HIS CHEST AND PULL OUT HIS HEART... AND HOLD IT AND THE BLOOD DRIPS DOWN ALL OVER YA... THEN YOU WOULD'VE MADE the kind of sacrifice that's necessary to become the #1 contender, the kind of sacrifice that's necessary to BEAT Stone Cold Steve Austin, THE KIND OF SACRIFICE that's necessary TO BE the World Wrestling Federation champion!

:I've got faith in you! I've got confidence in you! Because I believe, deep down in that demented cranium.. you can do it! You can do it! You can seize this opportunity and once again become the #1 contender for the World Wrestling Federation championship. When I came out here, you threw Dude Love into my face... How does it feel for me to throw the truth into yours? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After JR announces an exclusive interview by Jerry Lawler on Paul Bearer, nobody notices the camera still on and the King is very inquisitive about Kane]''
:'''Paul Bearer''': I told you about it. You hear what I told him. I told the world he's my son. He is my son Jerry, it's that simple.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Cmon, so you're telling me-
:'''Bearer''': He's my son!
:'''Lawler''': You're telling me-
:'''Bearer''': You don't believe me?
:'''Lawler''': You're telling me, you're telling me you nailed the Undertaker's mother.
:'''Bearer''': Well, I nailed - nailed - I ''[Lawler scoffs]'' Okay.
:'''King''': Tell me how that...
:'''Bearer''': Jerry, can I trust you?
:'''King''': I'll tell nobody.
:'''Bearer''': I was 19 years old and I was present at the funeral home. I went out on Tuesday nights to the wrestling matches like I always do with my friends, had a few beers. Coming to the funeral home, there she was in this little titty outfit. I've never been ''[Lawler begins to laugh]'' don't tell nobody. I've never been with a woman before at that point. I wasn't fat like I am now, in fact Jerry I was kinda ''[fixes up tie]'' studly. 
:'''King''': Oh yeah right?
:'''Bearer''': I was! Anyway, I come through the door and... she took me right there! Right there!
:'''King''': Wait where, on the embalming table or something?
:'''Bearer''': No no, in the kitchen floor.
:'''King''': Oh no!
:'''Bearer''': Yeah, in the kitchen floor of the ''[slaps thigh]'' funeral home.
:'''King''': ''[starts to giggle and laugh]'' Paul Bearer slips the salami to the Undertaker's mother on the kitchen floor.
:'''Bearer''': In the kitchen floor in the apartment of the funeral home.
:'''King''': Swear to God.
:'''Bearer''': I swear. It's the gospel truth. That's the way it happened. She took me, an innocent 19-year-old boy, as I lost my virginity to her. ''[as Lawler laughs]'' It's true!
:'''King''': Paul Bearer buries his bologna in the Undertaker's mother.
:'''Bearer''': She was a moaning, and a groanin, and screamin'... and I heard some little feet coming down the stairs. It's a good thing I got up, 'cause it was little Taker coming down the stairs. Stopped me just in time, ''[Lawler laughs]'' and if he did took two more steps, he'd have seen his momma's feet, one was in New York, the other was in LA!!! ''[they laugh as Bearer kicks his legs in delight]''
:'''King''': Can you imagine if little Undertaker had come in and seen Paul Bearer and his mother bumping uglies?

===May 25===
:''[Vince McMahon and the stooges come back to the ring after Austin accepts his apology over the mauling the previous week and arrest]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': I hope you've had some fun here tonight, Austin. Hope you're real proud of yourself of what you've accomplished. How dare you have me arrested in public like a common criminal! And pour beer down the back of my neck, and then place conditions upon my release, a condition of apology WHICH I DID NOT MEAN!!! and yet, another condition that should someone interfere to stand guard while I officiate the match at the pay-per-view this Sunday to ensure that I call the match fair and square, I accept that condition too and I'll tell you why, because other than [[Godzilla (1998 film)|Godzilla]] recently being released, there isn't one WWF superstar on the roster that can intimidate me, not one!

===June 1===
:''[Mick Foley has called out Mr McMahon over their failure to take down Stone Cold Steve Austin at Over the Edge and also expressed how good it was to bash him with a steel chair]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Why don't you do it again? Why don't you do it right now ''[points to chair]'' There's the chair. Come on, come on, ''[as Mick picks up and they go around the ring]'' make my day Dude, come on... Come on, HIT ME! Come on, hit me with the chair, come on, blast me - and just think about that college education, that college fund you've got for your kids, going ppft right in the air! Come on, come on dude, hit me! Come on, what about that new house you just moved into, huh? What about it? You know the one, the 20-year mortgage? TWENTY YEARS!! Hit me, come on hit me with the chair! What about that little fund you got set aside, for your parents, you know the one! You'd go through that in no time at all. Come on, Dude, come on Dude... Hit me, Dude. ''[Mick Foley sits down as Vince's taunts hit a raw nerve]'' COME ON, HAVE SOME GUTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, COME ON, HIT ME WITH THE BLOODY CHAIR!! COME ON! Let me tell you something: the only reason I haven't fired Stone Cold Steve Austin is because he makes me richer! You know what you make me, Dude? ''[closer to Mick's face]'' All you do, is make me SICK! So I'll tell you what... your services in the World Wrestling Federation are no longer required. ''[later starts dancing as Dude Love music airs then leaves the ring]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Undertaker appears in casual attire]''
:'''Undertaker''': Let's start from the beginning, some ten years ago when I first arrived in the World Wrestling Federation. Vince McMahon was known as somebody that would give somebody an opportunity, even if they were just a little different. And Vince McMahon did just that. He gave me the chance to be myself, to be the Undertaker. But you see, that's where all the giving stops and all the taking began. Shortly after my arrival here in the World Wrestling Federation I became the slayer of the dragons. Then you ask what do I mean by that? Vince McMahon knew that I would be loyal for him giving me an opportunity, so what he did is he put every giant, every freak that he knew his handpicked champions couldn't beat and he'd stick me on 'em. And I'd beat 'em, I destroyed 'em and I moved on. What I did for Vince McMahon was make his kingdom safe for himself and all of his handpicked champions. The whole time I knew that my time would come. And after I made his kingdom safe and there was no one left, well then I got my opportunities. Oh yes, I am a two-time former World Wrestling Federation champion. But as you all know, my tenures as champion, they didn't last very long. Why? Because Vince McMahon didn't want someone like the Undertaker representing the World Wrestling Federation, but I remained loyal, even after all his hand-chosen favorites left town for greener pastures—more money—I stayed here. I stayed by his side thinking my time would come. How do I get repaid for that? He forces me to fight my own brother. He gives Paul Bearer an open forum to discuss every tragic incident that ever happened in the life of the Undertaker. For what reason? Let me tell you why: Because it's all ratings! He put my family tragedy on the line for ratings. And even after all that, I never lost my smile, I kept on fighting, and as I've been taking care of family business, Stone Cold Steve Austin rises to the top. But don't get me wrong, I got nothing against Steve Austin. The only thing Steve Austin ever did was come to the ring and fight me like a man—and that's all I ever asked. But you see, Vince, after the years of mistreatment and after the last eight months of you throwing my family up in my face, I've had enough. Now it's time the Undertaker got was is rightfully his. I demand... my shot... at the World Wrestling Federation title. Now, I've done enough talking. Now, Vince McMahon, Mr. McMahon, whatever it is you like to be called, I think it's time you've got your pencil-neck-geeked ass out here and face the Reaper. 
:''[Vince McMahon appears and enters the ring. He suddenly takes the mic from Taker]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': I'm gonna give you the answer you're looking for in just a minute, but first you're gonna hear me out! After all I've done for you, you choke-slammed me damn near to hell last week! ''[audience pops]'' You hovered over me like a giant vulture last night - and why? To get my attention? You got it! You got it. You wanna talk about loyalty, dedication, honor, all those qualities you have—I'll grant you that and I'm appreciative for it, but you know, let's face it: What have you done for Vince McMahon lately?
:As far as your family is concerned, all your family problems, I've got a question for you. Is Paul Bearer telling the truth when he said that your mother was a whore? ''[stops Undertaker from a sudden reaction]'' I've got to ask. You want the answer? You want the answer? You wanna be the number one contender. You deserve to be the number one contender. That's what you want, that's what you'll get. Sure, no problem. You'll get it. ''[goes outside ropes]'' You'll get it if you defeat your opponent in this ring tonight. There you go, you got what you wanted, okay? So whoever wins the match between you and your opponent will be the number one contender in this ring, live, tonight. So let's see what happens, Undertaker, let's see what happens '''when you have to face your brother, Kane!!!'''

===July 6===
:''[Kane has just taken down Mankind as the No 1 contender for Austin at Fully Loaded, as Vince McMahon and Steve Austin watch along with JR and Jerry Lawler]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': What about it, Austin? Kane...
:'''Jerry Lawler''': Look, look... ''[Kane takes off his mask to reveal it's the Undertaker underneath]''
:'''Jim Ross''': It's not Kane! ''[Austin is surprised]'' It's the Undertaker, it's the Undertaker... ''[the Undertaker makes a throat-slitting motion to Austin]'' the Undertaker's the No 1 contender!!!

===July 27===
:''[Kaientai and their leader, Yamaguchi-san have just seen Val Venis defeat Brian Christopher]''
:'''Yamaguchi-san''': Val Venis, look at me! Listen! Kaientai's gonna challenge you to a match next week. Val Venis, listen. After we win that match, I'll give you a big surprise to you! ''[gives mic to Dick Togo while Funaki readies a large salami roll on a wooden table. Yamaguchi-san slices it with a katana to his roaring delight.]''
:'''Jim Ross''': ''[stunned]'' That's, that's a pretty subtle message...
:'''Yamaguchi-san''': I choppy-choppy your pee-pee!! HAHAHAA!!!

===August 3===
:''[Taka Michinoku has just turned on Val Venis during their match against Kaientai, and everybody's beating up Val]''
:'''Jim Ross''': What in the heck is going on here? Why did Taka do this?
:'''Taka Michinoku''': ''[points to Mrs Yamaguchi-san]'' Sister! My sister!!!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What did he just say? My sister?
:'''Ross''': Is Mrs Yamaguchi Taka Michinoku's sister?
:'''Lawler''': That's what he's saying. Well, that explains it JR. I mean, she not only disgraced Yamaguchi-san, but Taka's entire family! 

===August 10===
:''[Jerry Lawler talks to Val Venis about how his ordeal with Kaientai went the week before]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': Are you still hanging in there?
:'''Val Venis''': Hello, ladies. You know tonight I come to you a humble man, half the man that I used to be, but you know, it's like they say - you live by the sword and you die by the sword. You know there's only one way to stop the mighty boa - and that's to sever it at the head. Well ladies, you better take a rain check on them new snakeskin boots, because - because - the Big Valbowski is alive and ready to bite, baby! Well you know something, thanks to a cold butcher's block, heh heh heh, and a little shrinkage, and of course my good friend, John Wayne Bobbitt, who just happened to cut the lights just at the appropriate time, the Big Valbowski is standing at full attention, cocked, rocked and ready to unload.
:'''[[w:John Wayne Bobbitt|John Wayne Bobbitt]]''': We live on the edge - Val ordered a club soda with a slice and the bartender tried to cut us off.
:'''Lawler''': John I don't want to cut you short - but I understand your ex-wife Lorena actually threw something out the window and it was lost out there for a while, but they found it right?
:'''Bobbitt''': Yeah they found it.
:'''Lawler''': Well that's a good thing because I was thinking how funny a picture of that would look on the side of a milk carton.
:'''Venis''': ''[to Yamaguchi-san's wife]'' Baby, it's been a long, hard road - but it ends right here, baby! You know something, ah don't cry baby, you see NO woman is worth the trouble that you brought me - no woman! I hope you enjoyed the ride baby, because this is where you get off! So take your shoes from under my bed and hit the bricks. ''Adios!'' Goodbye lady!

===September 14===
:''[Val Venis cuts into Dustin Rhodes' promo]''
:'''Val Venis''': Repent? Repent for what, Dustin? Because I work hard? Or is it because I... play hard? Oh and by the way, Dustin, speaking of work, let me introduce you to my latest video, entitled, ''The Preacher's Wife''. ''[TitanTron plays clip of The Preacher's Wife. A Film by Val Venis]''
:'''Venis''': ''[in video toting cigar in a hotel room bed]'' Hello Dustin. You know something, after you jumped me from behind last night, I was a little hurt. In fact, I even needed a little TLC. So after I got back to the hotel, I made a little phone call to the one person who could take my mind off all my aches and pains, and make the Big Valbowski stand proud once again. ''[Terri Runnels appears out of the blanket, implying she was giving Val head]''
:'''Terri Runnels''': Hi Dustin. ''[goes back under]''
:'''Venis''': and again, and again... ''[laughs]''
:'''Dustin Runnels''': ''[mouths off]'' My God... ''[breaks down kneeling with hands to his face]''
:'''Venis''': ''[laughs]'' I guess getting on your knees, Dustin, RUNS IN THE FAMILY!!!

===September 28===
:''[Vince is bitterly angry that Austin crashed his WWF Championship awarding ceremony for the Undertaker and Kane]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Before I was so rudely interrupted, Undertaker and Kane, we were about to present the WWF Championship. However, if you recall, the deal was, Undertaker and Kane, you would get the title shot as long as you kept Stone Cold Steve Austin away from me. For three times, three times in less than a week, Austin has brutally attacked me!!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': That's right.
:'''Vince McMahon''': So let me say this, you didn't live up to your end of the deal, I'm not gonna live up to mine! ''[Undertaker glares at him]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What? What is he saying, J.R.?
:'''Vince McMahon''': You're gonna have to fight for it! On the next pay-per-view, October 18, you two are gonna battle it out for the WWF Championship...
:'''Jim Ross''': That's at Judgment Day in three weeks...
:'''McMahon''': ...whether you like it or not. And by the way, since you can't seem to keep Stone Cold out of your business and mine, good, I'm gonna put him in it. Austin is gonna be the guest referee.
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh my God in heaven.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What?
:'''Jim Ross''': Austin will referee Kane and the Undertaker at Judgment Day.
:'''McMahon''': And Stone Cold, Austin, I just hope that somewhere, your cellmate is telling you all of this right about now, because I wanna be there to watch him suffer the indignity of having to count one of you two monsters to the WWF Championship.
:'''Lawler''': Can you imagine that?
:'''McMahon''': However, so that everyone in this arena is not cheated, so that everyone at home watching ''Raw'' gets their money's worth, that in this ring tonight, you will see Undertaker and Kane in a handicap tag-team match, against three individuals...
:'''Jim Ross''': Three?
:'''McMahon''': ...Ken Shamrock, Mankind, and The Rock!
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh yeah! Shamrock, Mankind, The Rock against the Undertaker and Kane here tonight live.
:'''McMahon''': And maybe, just maybe you could get it right, I'd like to wish you the best of luck. You know why? I think you two are gonna need it because as far as I'm concerned, it's like dealing with the handicapped. One's physical ''[referring to Kane]'' and the other is mental ''[referring to Undertaker]''. Good luck to you both.
:''[Undertaker grabs McMahon.]''
:'''Undertaker''': You need to watch your ass, because the next time you get out of line with either one of us, ''you're'' gonna be the one handicapped, and that I will promise.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Kane has just set up Mr. McMahon on the steel steps and Undertaker has the top two steps]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh no, holding the ankle and the knee across the steps...Undertaker ''[sees Taker raising the steps]'' NO NO NO!! ''[Taker kayfabe smashes steps on McMahon's left shin]'' OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!! ''[Taker leaves Vince reeling from the pain]'' Vince McMahon's leg's gotta be shattered now!!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Don't move it, don't move it!
:'''Jim Ross''': McMahon writhing in pain, at the hands of the two men that will meet for the WWF title in the Rosemont Horizon at Judgment Day with Steve Austin as the referee!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[sad and concerned]'' How could this happen, J.R.? McMahon didn't mean it when he called them handicapped! CALL A DOCTOR!!!!
:'''Pat Patterson''': ''[over JR's commentary as he helps Vince]'' ...I can't believe it, those dirty bastards, they BROKE HIS LEG! Get somebody out here!
:'''Jim Ross''': McMahon, McMahon needs an ambulance. Well, you better not move him! My God, what else can happen here?

===October 5===
:'''Nurse''': ''[to Mr. McMahon]'' It looks just fine to me. ''[to a doctor]'' How about you, doctor?
:'''Steve Austin''': ''[disguising as a doctor]'' I'll take it from here, nurse.
:'''Vince McMahon''': NO!
:''[Austin attacks Vince McMahon.]''
:'''McMahon''': Get him off me! Get him off me!!
:'''Austin''': ''[mumbles as he strips off Vince's shirt]'' How about your foot? ''[attacks Vince McMahon's injured ankle, on a cast at the foot of the bed. McMahon shrieks in pain]'' What do you think about that? 
:''[Austin slams Vince McMahon with a bedpan, and he falls off the bed]''
:'''Austin''': Calling Dr. Austin--Get up, you piece of trash. Get up, you piece of sh- ''[manhandles Vince back to bed]'' Calling Dr Austin we got a emergency!
:'''McMahon''': No, NOO!! 
:'''Austin''': ''[sets up defibrillator]'' Everybody clear ''[shocks Vince and stoomps on him on the floor]''
:'''McMahon''': ''[as Austin bends him over the bed and he gets an enema-like device connected to an IV drip]'' No! No please no!! No, help me, please!
:'''Austin''': I've always known you were full of shit, Vince. You just bow down. This is gonna hurt you more than it'll hurt me! ''[kayfabe jams device up Vince's butt. Vince screams loudly]'' You piece of trash!

===October 12===
:''[A cement truck appears.]'' 
:'''Jim Ross''': What the hell is that?
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What is that?
:'''Jim Ross''': Is that...?
:'''Jerry Lawler''': It's a cement truck, and it's Stone Cold Steve Austin driving it.
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh my. Stone Cold Steve Austin is in the building.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What is that idiot doing? We've seen him driving a Zamboni, now he's driving around a cement truck?
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh folks, this is going to get real interesting. The Rattlesnake is here. Is that going to make Mr. McMahon happy or not? We'll find out next.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': Stone Cold, what the hell are you doing? A cement truck?
:'''Steve Austin''': You heard it. I've got an open invitation, so I don't know what you're worked up about. But what I will tell you, if I wanted to get that one-legged bastard, Vince McMahon, and tell him to get his ass out here, because what I'm going to do might create a bit of interest in the McMahon side of the family. Now get your ass out here because I've got some work to do and I want to check my equipment out.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Steve Austin is driving a cement truck toward Vince McMahon's Corvette.]'' 
:'''Jim Ross''': Wait a minute.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': I knew it JR. He's trying to drive it right in here, then get ready to run. He'll run over us.
:'''Jim Ross''': Wait a minute, there's...
:'''Lawler''': Hey, wait a minute, don't run over Mr. McMahon's Corvette.
:'''Ross''': I don't think he's... ''[sees Austin setting up the mixer's metal trough on the car]'' it doesn't look like he's going to run over it.
:'''Lawler''': Wait a minute!
:'''Ross''': Oh my God, I don't believe this.
:'''Lawler''': You can't do that!
:'''Ross''': I do not believe this, ladies and gentlemen.
:'''Lawler''': Mr. McMahon! Mr. McMahon!
:'''Ross''': That's one of the Corvettes in Mr. McMahon's collection.
:'''Lawler''': That's a $50,000 car! No! J.R.! ''[cement mixture is poured into the car]'' NOOOO!
:'''Ross''': Oh my God! Oh my! Austin is loading McMahon's car with cement.
:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[watching it on the monitor]'' That's my Corvette!!!!
:'''Ross''': McMahon's car is being loaded with cement.
:'''Lawler''': Oh my God!
:''[The cement mix overflows, breaking the car's side and rear windows.]'' 
:'''Jim Ross''': McMahon's prized Corvette, one of his collection, is being destroyed by the Rattlesnake.
:'''Lawler''': NOOOO!
:'''Ross''': The Rattlesnake has struck. ''[Austin leaves cement truck]'' And it looks like... Austin is coming our way.
:'''Lawler''': Somebody call the cops!!!
:'''Ross''': Austin is heading our way. The Rattlesnake, will he be here next?
:'''Lawler''': 911!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Steve Austin''': First off, I'd like to thank Mr. McMahon for the invitation here tonight. Well, I apologize to you, because I guess it must have been some mistake in the address that went to Austin 3:16 Construction Company. See, what you did, Vince, you screwed Stone Cold Steve Austin. Hell, son, it's easy to see that you submitted your own damn fate. Because you can rest assured that Stone Cold Steve Austin — as long as he's here right in the World Wrestling Federation and as long as you're here, too — I will make your life a living hell, and that's all I got to say about that! As far as this Sunday goes, Stone Cold Steve Austin, special referee... Hell, I'll be glad to put the striped shirt on, because I think I'd make a damn good referee for this match. If you think Stone Cold Steve Austin would make a damn good referee, give me a hell yeah! ''[audience reacts]'' I'll tell you this: After those two big bastards beat the living hell out of each other, you can bet your ass, that the only hand Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna hold up is my own.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What?
:'''Steve Austin''': And the thing about this, Vince, there ain't a damn thing that you can do about it. ''[at the stage, Vince McMahon appears in a wheelchair]'' Awww... Go ahead and hurl your little ass down here!
:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[Big Boss Man and two police K9s and their handlers appear]'' As you were saying?
:'''Jerry Lawler''': There you go.
:'''Vince McMahon''': Stick it! Get him! Stick it! Get him!!! ''[Austin tries to rush Vince but stops when the dogs reach out short of him]'' Yeah come on, Austin! That's it! Yeah, come on! Come on!! ''[Austin flips off at him]'' I hope you're proud of yourself yeah, that's it, I hope you're real proud. What gives you the right to destroy other people's property? What gives you the right to pour concrete in one of my Corvettes? That was part of a collection and now you've ruined it! I just hope that the Stone Cold Steve Austin Construction Company gives you a pair of boots 'cause you're gonna need 'em tonight, let me tell you that! You're gonna need 'em, because you're gonna be wrestling in that ring tonight. Yeah, but you're not gonna be wrestling by yourself, oh no! I've got a partner picked out for you: the so-called People's Champion, The Rock!
:'''Jim Ross''': Austin and The Rock together?
:'''Vince McMahon''': Yeah, that's the good news — if there is any good news. The bad news is that you and The Rock will be facing two individuals that I hope annihilate each other this Sunday. You'll be facing The Undertaker and Kane! ''[audience pop]'' 
:'''Jim Ross''': Right here tonight live, Austin and The Rock against The Undertaker and Kane.
:'''Vince McMahon''': I also hope that the Austin 3:16 Construction Company is gonna provide you with a real good rear-view mirror, because I think some time tonight, you're gonna have to have eyes in the back of your head. I think, of all I've been through, these last two weeks — And I admit, my life has been a living hell. I admit—''[miffed at &quot;Asshole!&quot; chants]'' WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?
:'''Austin''': I don't know how good your hearing is, but you got about 15,000 people calling you an asshole! ''[audience pop]''
:'''McMahon''': Over the last two weeks — it all started after you lost the WWF title, and you recklessly and carelessly drove that Zamboni at full speed into the arena — YOU DIDN'T CARE WHO YOU RAN OVER as long as you got to me! ''[anguished]'' And then from there, you got to me, alright. And after you did — And because of you, The Undertaker and Kane crushed my ankle. ''[gestures to ankle]'' It's crushed! I may never, ever again, play another polo match. I may never again ride a horse, ever. I may never again compete in an athletic event, and I hold you responsible!
:And then, in the hospital, last week — my god! My head is still ringing from being struck in the cranium by that big metal bed pan.
:'''Jim Ross''': Bed pan McMahon.
:'''McMahon''': My nervous system is still in shock over that defibrillation. And my rectal area, ''[cringes at recalling the moment]'' when you stuck... YOU VIOLATED ME, AUSTIN! YOU VIOLATED ME! That damn open hospital gown — Let me tell you something: As much humiliation have I had ''[corrects himself]'' that I have suffered, you're gonna suffer more and I'll tell you where, and I'll tell you when. It'll be this Sunday and it'll be in Chicago. Let me tell you something: If you don't raise the hand of the new World Wrestling Federation champion and humble yourself before me, then read my lips: I promise you, I GUARANTEE YOU, Austin, if you don't raise the hand of a new WWF champion, this Sunday, on the spot, I WILL FIRE YOUR ASS!
:'''Jim Ross''': Good God.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': Woh. He guaranteed it.
:'''Austin''': You stupid bastard, you ain't got the balls to fire Stone Cold Steve Austin!
:'''McMahon''': ''[irked]'' I don't have the balls? I've got balls the size of grapefruits! And this Sunday, you're gonna be picking the seeds out of your teeth, because, Austin, you will be humbled! I guarantee it! One way or the other — the easy way: you raise the hand of a champion. The hard way: I PUBLICLY, I GUARANTEE, I WILL ''[points at Austin with every word] '''FIRE YOUR ASS THIS SUNDAY!''''' Hit the music!
:''[Vince McMahon leaves.]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': He meant it, JR. He guaranteed it.
:'''Jim Ross''': I'll tell you one thing. When McMahon guaranteed that Austin would lose the WWF title, it happened. And now McMahon has guaranteed that if Stone Cold Steve Austin does not humble himself and raise the hand of a new WWF Champion this Sunday on pay-per-view, that Austin will be fired right on the spot.

===October 19===
:''[all WWF Superstars are assembled in and around the ring for an address from Mr. McMahon]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': May I have your attention, please?! ''[crowd chants &quot;Asshole!&quot;]'' May I have your attention? I have a very important announcement to make as relates to the World Wrestling Federation Championship. As a result of an individual who is no longer gainfully employed here in the World Wrestling Federation, we have no World Wrestling Federation champion, as we speak. However, I assure you, that on the night of November 15 at the Survivor Series—as a matter of fact, I guarantee you... oh oh, there goes that word again: I guarantee you! Nonetheless, I guarantee you that on November 15 at the end of that evening we will have an undisputed WWF Champion, because on that night, at the Survivor Series, 16 WWF Superstars will compete in a one-night tournament to determine just who will be the next undisputed WWF Champion.

:Now, as far as some of the events of last night are concerned: Seems as though some of you are in a state of shock, some of you are in a state of disbelief. ''[more 'Asshole!' chants]'' If I am, I'm damn proud of it! Some of you are certainly in a state of shock as—'Did Vince McMahon really fire Stone Cold Steve Austin last night?' Well, for the benefit of those of you who did not join us on pay-per-view, last night at Judgment Day—how appropriate: Judgment Day! Let me repeat the words I said to Stone Cold Steve Austin: 'Austin, screw you! You're fired!' How did Austin take this news? Well, I show you how he took this news, on the TitanTron; if you'll direct your attention, someone from the production will put up a freeze frame of Stone Cold Steve Austin's face. And as soon as Stone Cold heard those words, Stone Cold had that look on his face. ''[gloats about the shot]'' A look of disbelief! He couldn't believe he had just been fired. Austin, as a matter of fact, started mumbling about something about hunting season or going hunting—I didn't know what he meant until this morning someone told me that rumor was, Austin was indeed hunting. He was hunting for a job!

:Austin, if you ever come into a World Wrestling Federation arena again, then you'll do so just like this capacity crowd: You'll have to buy a ticket, Austin! ''[more 'Asshole!' chants]'' So, what did it feel like? Many of you are saying to yourself, 'My God, what's it like to be Vince McMahon? What's it like to have the balls to fire Stone Cold Steve Austin?' I really wondered. I wondered if Austin provoked me, how I would feel. And last night I searched. And last night, when I fired Austin, I'll admit it felt pretty damn good. At the end of the evening, after asking that question again, I was convinced it felt great. And then, this morning—you know, when you look into that mirror, bright and early, when you first get up, that soul-searching—Alright, Vince McMahon, how did you feel after firing Stone Cold Steve Austin? You know what it felt like to me this morning? IT WAS BETTER THAN SEX!

:Which brings me as to why each and everyone of you stand before me as WWF Superstars. Hopefully, you all learned the lesson that Stone Cold learned last night. Hopefully, no one in that ring will EVER cross the boss, because none of you are as big as Vince McMahon! You know, all that Austin 3:16 paraphernalia out there, T-shirts, what have you? Another rumor going around... that it's going like hotcakes, because now Austin 3:16—that's a collector's item, you see! Now there's a new expression. A new expression that's gonna be sweeping the nation, sweeping the globe; and that's McMahon 3:16... And McMahon 3:16 says, &quot;I've got the brass to fire your ass.&quot; Thank you very much! Thank you, Gentlemen! ''[freeze frame shot of Austin turns into live shot of Austin at his truck, in hunting camouflage bringing his rifle and bow set]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Paul Bearer and Undertaker appear one day after they turned on Kane]''
:'''Undertaker''': As you can plainly see, there has been a reconciliation made. Brother, Paul has come home to lead my Ministry of Darkness. And I'm sure that there is those who can't understand because they have no vision how I could align myself once more with such a despicable, evil, maniacal individual. Well if those aren't reasons enough, I don't guess I can explain it any better. What we have, is someone with vision. Someone who truly understands the power of darkness. He allowed me to clear my head and refocus on what it is I'm here for. Now what we have is a beginning of a new era. And we will unleash with our Ministry of Darkness, a plague for which the World Wrestling Federation has never seen, nor will it be ever understood amongst those who do not relish in the darkness. So now, those of you, who do not declare, shall be declared!
:'''Paul Bearer''': Kane, I used you boy. Ever since you were a little child, I took care of you like a pet, like a put dog on a leash. Just for special occasions, yes I used you, because you're stupid! You're weak! You can't even speak for yourself! You turned your back on me twice. The first time was 8 weeks ago, the last time was last night boy! You could never understand the darkness Kane, that's why I'll never have any use for you again.
:'''Undertaker''': You know Kane, I know there is a thought that's been burning in your mind for years. You really wanna know what happened the day you caught on fire? Well listen, and listen close: '''I set that fire!''' And I set it because you were weak as a child, and you are weak now. And we have no room for the weak. Only the strong shall survive.
:''[Kane comes with a casket, looks like he is going to challenge Undertaker]''
:'''Kane''': You and I... tonight... casket match! And brother... you will... REST IN PEACE!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Having held Vince McMahon hostage all night long, Austin ups the ante with a toy revolver that reads BANG 3:16]''
:'''Austin''': You've got to remember, Vince, it wasn't Stone Cold that screwed Vince McMahon, it was Vince McMahon that screwed Vince McMahon. ''[notices pants]'' I think you've got a problem there. Looks like we've got another shirt out on the way. That shirt might just say, &quot;McMahon 3:16 says, 'I just pissed my pants.'&quot;

===October 26===
:''[Vince McMahon appears with his lawyers, Sgt Slaughter and the stooges plus Big Boss Man]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Against, against my volition, Stone Cold Steve Austin is here in this arena, tonight. Not only do I hold Stone Cold Steve Austin responsible for every single, reprehensible act he committed against me, I want all of you people to know, that I hold ''[points to audience] each and every one of you'' responsible as well! My God, what's the matter with you people? I've lost all faith in humanity! Where the hell are your values? Where are your morals!? Whatever happened to the Good Samaritan? Where were you in my hour of need? I'll tell you where you were: you were cheering for every act of humiliation Austin committed against me! You savored every violation, every liberty that Austin took against me, but what you enjoyed the most was when Austin forced me to go to the ring. He made me get down on my knees, he made me beg! He made me... ''[saddened]'' he made me cry! He made me urinate myself! ''[angry]'' And where were you? Where were any of you? No one came to my aid. ''[to stooges]'' Not you, Brisco! Not you Patterson, or the Commissioner, no one. My ankle has been reinjured, I've ruined a perfectly good Armani suit. I hurt all over. But most of all, my feelings have been hurt. They have been crushed, but despite the injury, the insult Austin, after the injury I will never ever forgive you for! That wasn't a letter of introduction you jammed down in my coat pocket oh no, that was a legal document Austin and you know damn well then it was a legal document, and with this battery of attorneys I have behind me, Austin, I will fight you. I will fight you in court if I can, hell I'll fight you all the way to the Supreme Court! Austin, before you make your next move, you better take stock in what I say.
:'''Steve Austin''': ''[appears on TitanTron]'' Well speaking of stock, here am I. I've been stocking Pampers diapers, in case the bastard pisses all over himself! You know what I mean!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Shane McMahon appears as Vince fumes at Austin being employed in the WWF with a new contract and ignores his calls to join him on the stage]''
:'''Shane McMahon''': I don't listen to you anymore. I am an officer, more importantly, a stockholder of this company, and what you did to Stone Cold Steve Austin was wrong, Dad. You were wrong.
:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[to the stooges]'' He's just a kid, he's just a kid!
:'''Shane''': I just wanted to tell you personally that it was me. It was ''me'', Dad, that hired Stone Cold back. Dad, it was me!... Hey, I guess I finally have your attention now, don't I? After 28 years, I FINALLY have your attention. I've seen superstars come, and I've seen superstars go, and why, Dad, why? Because it's always been about your ego! You said it yourself: no one's bigger than Vince McMahon, oh no! All my life, people have asked me, 'Boy, what's it like to be Vince McMahon's son? Wow, isn't that great?' And I have lied year after year after year... ''[gets more emotional]'' to protect you, to protect our family name. Well, the lying stops now! I'm tired of it!... You never cared about me! Everything—I couldn't do anything right for you. Nothing is ever right. My grades in school were never good enough for you. 
:'''Vince''': ''[in tears]'' Yes they were!
:'''Shane''': My athletic accomplishments were never good enough for you. My business deals—no matter how much money I made you—was never good enough for YOU! The only thing I ever wanted from you, the only thing I ever wanted, is for you to be proud of me. OF ME! But I finally figured it out: That's never ever gonna happen, because it's never been about me, it's been about you. YOU, DAD! ''[Vince closes his eyes and grimaces because Shane struck a raw nerve]'' It's always about perception. Perception. Ever since, I'm always known as Vince's boy. 'How does Vince's boy make him look?' It wasn't about me, it was about how I made you look, that perception, at your big corporate parties.
:'''Vince''': ''[saddened]'' You're my son—
:'''Shane''': Yeah, I'm your son, but I'm not your little boy anymore. I'm a man and I stand in this ring as a man. I'm no longer your boy, Dad. I'm proud of who I am. I am proud of the person I have become. My name is Shane McMahon, and for 28 years—for 28 years I've finally built up enough courage to face you here today, to stand up to YOU! I guess, now you have something to be proud of me about, don't you Dad? Because I finally stood up to you and I had the BRASS to do it!... Isn't it ironic? I guess, I'm just like you after all, isn't that right, Dad?!? ''[tosses mic back to Austin as Vince rebuffs Pat Patterson trying to comfort him]''
:'''Steve Austin''': If you think Vince got what he had comin', gimme a hell yeah.
:'''Audience''': HELL YEAH!!

===November 2===
:''[A wheelchair-bound Vince McMahon has just made Mankind promise he won't interfere in an upcoming match between Ken Shamrock and the Rock and has something for him]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': I have it for you. ''[takes off black sheet]'' This is the WWF Hardcore Championship belt, and Mick, you've earned it. You've earned it. ''[Big Boss Man moves away to open a door]''
:'''Mankind''': ''[accepts title and laughs]'' I love it! ''[kisses belt]'' I gotta be honest with you, I love it!
:'''Vince''': Just one thing. In some respects, I think I lost a son tonight... ''[puts hand on Mankind's shoulder]'' maybe I gained another.
:'''Mankind''': Really? ''[Vince drives off]'' Gee thanks, Dad. ''[Vince stops, visibly irked. Leaves]''

===November 23===
:''[The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are setting up a sedated Stone Cold Steve Austin to be embalmed alive]''
:'''The Undertaker''': ''[to Austin as Paul Bearer patches him up]'' I hope that you could hear me, because what you're about to experience is the worst imaginable pain and horror that you could ever endure. You see there, Austin? When one understands it, they become ageless. They become deathless. They become immortal!! ''[begins sacrificial oration]'' Satana, badala, anda ov satana ''[picks up trocar and prepares to stab Austin]'' Satana, nadala, anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei ''[knock on door and Paul Bearer answers]''
:'''Paul Bearer''': ''[sees who it is]'' Kane!!!

=== December 7 ===
:''[Austin comes to ring with everyone's cheer]''
:'''Steve Austin''': For the last few months, here in the World Wrestling Federation, with the title or without, Vince McMahon has seen fit to throw everything that he can at Stone Cold Steve Austin and somehow I've always managed to scrape by. That's all fine and well, but six days from now at Rock Bottom in a Buried Alive match, in my opinion, the stakes are stacked higher than they've ever been for Stone Cold Steve Austin. Undertaker, you come out here, talk about sacrificing me, about wanting my soul, you hit me in the head with a shovel, you tried to bury me, you tried to embalm me and none of that worked... in the Ministry of Stone Cold Steve Austin, at Rock Bottom, you can bet your ass that you can expect no mercy from Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that's all I got to say about that!
:''[Lights get closed and Undertaker's theme song plays as a TX symbol appears in front of the screen]''
:'''Undertaker''': ''[voiceover]'' Austin, we've traveled down the highway to hell, and our journey has enlightened us on a few matters. One, you're helpless against my Ministry, and the other is I can take your rotting soul any time I wish. Tonight, our journey stops in your purgatory, where you will remain until Rock Bottom, and on that night boy, I will sacrifice you to the Ministry of Darkness and let the entire world watch you get buried alive and BURN IN HELL!
:''[The symbol gets burned by a storm, as Austin is a little scared]''

=== December 28 ===
:'''Val Venis''': Hello, ladies! You know something? For the next couple of days, ''[points to right leg]'' this leg will be known as Christmas, and ''[points to left leg]'' this leg will be known as New Years. So ladies, why don't y'all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays.

== 1999 ==
=== January 4 ===
:''[The Rock is livid that Vince caved to Mankind's demand for a WWF title match just to spare Shane from a broken shoulder]''
:'''The Rock''': I'm the damn champ. How could you just give in so damn easy? Regardless of who it is, I'm not even ready, the Rock doesn't have his clothes, he got nothing... ''[Shane and Vince talk over him]''
:'''Shane McMahon''': He nearly broke my left shoulder.
:'''Vince McMahon''': It's my son, dammit! 
:'''The Rock''': The Rock doesn't have his clothes. I'm the champ and then now all of a sudden, I gotta face Mankind?!
:'''Vince''': It's my son!!
:'''The Rock''': I know it's your damn son but dammit I...
:'''Vince''': ''[as they all walk to the backstage]'' Go get ready, you're a champion! C'mon, get ready, you're a champion!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[During the No-Disqualification WWF Championship match]''
:'''Michael Cole''': DX and the Corporate Team are going at it!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Look out! ''[Glass shatters]'' What?! Oh no!
:'''Cole''': Stone Cold is here! Stone Cold is here!
:'''Lawler''': Look out, Mr. McMahon! The Rattlesnake is here!
:''[Austin enters the ring and nails The Rock on the head with a chair]''
:'''Cole''': Stone Cold with a chair! ''[Austin drapes Mankind on top of The Rock]'' He pulled Mankind on The Rock!
:'''Lawler''': ''[as Hebner counts]'' No! No! ''[Three count]'' Don't do it! ''[arena erupts]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here is your winner and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Mankind!
:'''Lawler''': ''[over the announcement]'' Oh my God, no!
:'''Cole''': Mankind did it! Mick Foley did it!
:'''Lawler''': No, Stone Cold did it!
:'''Cole''': Mankind has achieved his dream, and the dream of everyone else who's been told, &quot;you can't do it&quot;!
:'''Lawler''': No! You can't do it! You can't do this!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mankind''': At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say...BIG DADDIO DID IT!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': This is the blackest day in the history of the WWF!!

=== January 11 ===
:''[The Acolytes look on, waiting for &quot;He&quot; and having Dennis Knight ready for him; The Undertaker comes to stage and sits to his throne]''
:'''Undertaker''': They lay me down in a grave as if it would be my final resting place.... filling it with the Earth's rotting soil. They tried to destroy me, wishing I would just go away. But what is it? What have they really done? The simple minds of mortal men... they sent me back to the place that is my origin. Destroy me? The more they try, the more powerful I've become. And now, I've risen from my Earthy grave and I will slay the ones I once saved. The reckoning is upon us. The day that the Ministry of Darkness seizes the land, destroys all that you hold dear, make play things our of your heroes and devours your innocence. The plague of darkness is coming; an all encompassing evil from which there is no escape, no mercy, no hope. Its called the future. And in the future, I will look down upon thee and I will decide whether you are an Agent of Darkness, or are you just mere kindling for my fires. The Power of Darkness shall be offered only to a chosen few. And those that resist the temptations of my Ministry, pain becomes synonymous with punishment. Embrace the Darkness and relish in the unearthly delight that pain has to offer. Resist and there are no limits to the torment you subject yourself to. Don't fight it. It will tear your soul apart. So let my servants be few and secret. They shall rule the many and the known, for I am the Reaper of men, the Chaser of souls, the Weaver of nightmares. I am the Heart of Darkness. I am now and ever will be the Purity of Evil. The Hell you were threatened with as a child is no longer an option. It is a reality, a living, breathing reality and you are all right in the middle of it. Yes, Hell has relocated to Earth.
:''[He comes to Knight, touches him, cuts his wrist and fills cup with his blood]''
:'''Undertaker''': From this moment on, you are no longer Dennis Knight. You are Mideon. Now drink.
:''[Knight, or Mideon, drinks Undertaker's blood, Taker gets Knight's cloth open and draws his symbol to Knight's chest with a knife, goes in front of his throne]''
:'''Undertaker''': Now you will know why you are afraid of the dark and you will learn why.
:''[Undertaker's symbol gets burned by a storm]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Chyna appears as the last Corporate Rumble entry but Vince McMahon is distracted by Stone Cold Steve Austin]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[sees Chyna]'' We got problems! Watch out, watch out ''[as Chyna rolls Vince over the top rope]'' WATCH OUT!!
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as Shane repeatedly screams NO! seeing Vince whiplashed and sprawled from the bottom rope]'' There goes the draw! Chyna wins the Corporate Rumble! Chyna is No 30 in the Royal Rumble!
:'''Lawler''': Mr McMahon has been eliminated by a woman!!
:'''Cole''': Austin made sure that he meets Mr McMahon first at the Rumble!
:'''Shane McMahon''': Austin you'll pay!!!! Austin you're gonna pay at the Rumble!
:'''Cole''': Steve Austin and Mr McMahon are gonna be one on one at the Rumble.
:'''McMahon''': I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM!!!
:'''Cole''': Mr McMahon is No 2. Stone Cold is No 1..
:'''McMahon''': How can Chyna be No 30?!?
:'''Cole''': The Rattlesnake has struck again.
:'''McMahon''': Austin will pay for this, I tell you that!

=== February 15 ===
:''[The Ministry of Darkness come to the ring]''
:'''Paul Bearer''': You don't hear the fat man talk too much these days unless I have something very important to say, so I suggest you listen. And you - owner of the World Wrestling Federation, Vincent K. McMahon - bring your butt off that pedestal that you built for yourself and listen to the Lord of Darkness.
:'''Undertaker''': McMahon, in time, your World Wrestling Federation will belong to me. One by one, they will all fall before my Ministry. Last night, the Bossman received just a small sample of the power I possess. Last night, Bossman, we let you go. Next time, you won't be so lucky. What we did, Mr. McMahon, is we went to the heart and soul of your Corporation and we took him out. Just to let you know that we can take anybody, any time we desire. And there's not a damn thing that you can do about it. Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, Mr. McMahon, how can I be so confident? How can I succeed when all others have failed? It's simple. '''I own the key to your heart, and your soul'''. While you were preoccupied with your petty obsessions, I have amassed an army. An army that will destroy you and your corporation. Each soul that we take, we take in the name of a far greater power than even myself. And in that power's name, in its grandest vision, in its grandest dream, and in my Ministry's destiny, I will own the World Wrestling Federation.
:''[Big Bossman appears, who got attacked by the Ministry previous night]''
:'''Big Bossman''': You want some of me? You want some of the Big Bossman? I don't think so. I'm not hard to find. You got aspirations, taking over the Corporation? No way, pal. Bottomline is, if you got the guts, let's get it started here tonight. Any three of you punks against me, two of my guys, tonight. You know what I mean. Undertaker, it's just a matter of time, punk, I'm gonna stick my foot up your dead ass!
:''[Bossman leaves the stage]''
:'''Undertaker''': You know, you should be more careful what you ask for.

=== March 22 ===
:''[Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and the Rock have just been given a beer bath by Stone Cold Steve Austin]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[seeing Vince totally drenched]'' Look at Mr McMahon. That's a $3,000 suit!
:'''Michael Cole''': It ''was'' a $3,000 suit!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Billy Gunn''': Tonight is the night when the New Age Outlaws see who is the best of the best. You see, it's called competitiveness, and that's what made the New Age Outlaws what they are today—the best tag team to ever step foot in the World Wrestling Federation. But tonight, Mr. Ass is walking out with the Intercontinental Title and the Hardcore Title. Sorry.
:'''Road Dogg''': Well, don't be sorry, because the D-O-double-G lives his life all or nothing, and tonight he's gonna walk away with A-double-L. So Mr. A-double-crooked-letter, I'll see your ass at ringside.
:'''Gunn''': ''[sotto voce]'' Yep, and you'll walk out with nothing like when I found you.

===April 26===

:''[Vince is asking Stone Cold Steve Austin to deliver the WWF's ownership papers personally to the Undertaker as ransom for Stephanie McMahon, but Austin is not quite convinced of his sincerity]''

:'''Vince McMahon''': I don't mean to interrupt, but, I guess maybe I do. This is not easy for me, but...what I'm trying to say...to make a long story short, I need your help.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': You said— You said what? You need my help? Is that what you said?
:'''Vince McMahon''': I need your help. The Undertaker has my daughter, Stephanie, and I need your help.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': You got to clear this up exactly for me. What are you trying to say? Just go ahead and say something, 'cause you ain't making no sense.
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well...this isn't— It's not anything personal. I know that you don't like me and I know you never will.

:''[Austin nods in agreement mouthing 'Right!']''

:'''Vince McMahon''': And the feeling is somewhat mutual, but...it's not about you and me. This is personal and it involves my daughter Stephanie. And Steve, you can help me.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': With all due respect, to you and your little daughter— Hell, son, I've got a million problems of my own. So as far as I'm concerned, I really don't give a rat's ass about your problems.
:'''Vince McMahon''': But Steve, The Undertaker has made...he's made some demands. He's asked for some documentation and that's all right with me, I don't care about the documentation. But he's made ''other'' demands. He's demanded that, instead of me delivering the documentation to him, he's demanded that ''you'' deliver that documentation to him, and if you do that I really believe that everything will be fine with my daughter Stephanie, and I think you can understand from my point of view as a father.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': What you're saying is— What you're saying is Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin! That's what you're saying?

:''[Vince nods sheepishly]''

:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': So if that's true...if that is true that Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, then that's what I want you to say to me. Say it to me: &quot;Vince McMahon ''needs'' Stone Cold Steve Austin.&quot;
:'''Vince McMahon''': Vince McMahon ''needs'' Stone Cold Steve Austin.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': That all sounds real good Vince, but hell, you must think that I have a real horrible memory because the last ''15 months'', every single night I come to work, you see fit to put my life, make my life a living hell, and I will give you credit, you have done one helluva job.

:''[Vince is dejected]''

:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Stone Cold Steve Austin never forgets one single thing that happens right here in the World Wrestling Federation. So...since Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, I'll say this. By the same token, Stone Cold Steve Austin ''needs'' Vince McMahon... 

:''[Vince seems optimistic]''

:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': ...''to kiss his ass'', and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!!

:''[a saddened Vince walks away]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[the Ministry of Darkness prepares Stephanie McMahon to be married to the Undertaker - even as she screams away and the Undertaker touches her]''
:'''Paul Bearer''': Dearly unbeloved, we gather here this evening to join Stephanie Marie McMahon, in the unholy wedlock with the Lord of Darkness. Tonight, Stephanie Marie McMahon will step from the light of this evil, cesspool, mortal world, into the sanctuary of eternal darkness. Keeping this in mind, will you, Stephanie Marie McMahon accept the purity of evil and take the Lord of Darkness as your master and your spouse?
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': No! NOOO!!!
:''[Ken Shamrock tries to get in but the Acolytes hold him down to be squashed by Viscera]''
:'''Bearer''': Lord of Darkness, is it your intent to accept Stephanie Marie McMahon, her body, her mind, her soul, and even her breath unto yourself, ''[Taker lightly reaches for her neck]'' and allow her to bear your offspring?
:'''Stephanie''': NOOO!!!!
:'''Undertaker''': I do. 
:''[the Big Show appears and breaks through the Acolytes and Viscera - but Undertaker gets Shamrock's baseball bat and hits him off the ring]''
:'''Bearer''': By the power vested in me by the Lord of Darkness, I now pronounce you as the Unholy Union of Darkness. You may now kiss your bride!

=== May 24 (RAW Is Owen) ===

:'''The Godfather''': You know what, Road Dogg? Instead of me and you just kicking the hell out of each other, especially today, why don't me and you and these fine hos over here...we go to downtown St. Louis and we light it up all night long?
:'''Road Dogg''': What do you say, me and you go burn one and tell some Owen stories.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Billy Gunn''': If you're not down with Owen Hart, I got two words for ya...
:'''Crowd''': SUCK IT!

=== June 7 ===
:''[During Undertaker's WWF Championship defense against the Big Show, Taker is caught in Big Show's chokeslam coming off the top rope]''
:'''Jim Ross''': The Undertaker's on top, he got caught at the hand of the Big Show.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[as Big Show signals for the chokeslam]'' He said he was gonna do it- he's doing it!! 
:'''Ross''': The chokeslam, ''[Undertaker breaks through the ring]'' oh- 
:'''Lawler''' and '''Ross''': OH MY GOD!!!
:'''Ross''': Right through the ring!! The Big Show chokeslammed the Undertaker all the way to hell! 
:'''Lawler''': What?
:'''Ross''': ''[as Earl Hebner calls for the bell]'' All the way through the ring! They're both down!!! The Big Show and the Undertaker are both down! ''[bell still rings as Big Show kicks Undertaker before leaving the hole]'' The match is over! The match has been stopped!
:'''Lawler''': What?
:'''Ross''': The ring has been destroyed...
:'''Lawler''': Look at that!
:'''Ross''': ...by the damndest chokeslam I've ever seen!

=== August 9 ===

:'''Chris Jericho''': Welcome to ''Raw Is Jericho''! And I am the new millennium for the World Wrestling Federation. Now for those of you who don't know me, I am Chris Jericho, your new hero, your party host, and most importantly, the most charismatic showman to ever enter your living rooms via a television screen. And for those of you who DO know me, well, all hail the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a! 
:Now when you think of the new millennium, you think of an event so gigantic that it changes the course of history. You think of a dawning of a new era. In this case, the dawning of a new era in the WWF. Thank you, thank you. And a new era is what this once proud and profitable company sorely needs. What was once a captivating, trend-setting program has now deteriorated into a cliched, let's be honest, boring snoozefest that is in dire need of a knight in shining armor, and that's why I'm here. Chris Jericho has come to save the WWF!
:Now let's go over the facts. Television ratings, downward spiral; pay-per-view buy-rates, plummeting; mainstream acceptance, non-existent; and reactions of the live crowds, complete and utter silence. And I know why you're silent! You're silent because you're embarrassed to be here. And quite honestly, I'm embarrassed for you. And the reason why you're embarrassed is because of the steady stream of uninteresting, untalented, mediocre &quot;sports entertainers&quot; who you're forced to cheer for and care for. No wonder you're not cheering! You could care less about every single idiot in that dressing room, ''[indicating The Rock]'' and especially this idiot in the center of the ring. You people have been led to believe that mediocrity is excellence. Uh-uh. Jericho is excellence. And now for the first time in WWF history, you have a man who can entertain you. You have a man who is good enough for you. You have a man who can make you jump up off your chairs, raise your filthy fat little hands in the air and scream &quot;Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go!&quot; Thank you.
:The new millennium has arrived in the WWF, and now that the Y2J problem is here, this company—from the front-office idiots to all the amateurs in the dressing room, including this one, to everybody watching tonight—will never, eeee-ee-eh-ever be the same a-gain!
:'''The Rock''': ...After three boring minutes, The Rock says, ''&quot;Know Your Role, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!&quot;'' How dare you little jabroni come on The Rock Show, and not even have the class to introduce yourself. What is your name?
:'''Chris Jericho''': I told you--
:'''The Rock''': ''IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!'' The Rock says you talk about your Y2J plan? Well, The Rock has a plan of his own, and it's called the K-Y Jelly plan. Which...which means The Rock is gonna lube his size 13 boot real good. Turn that sumbitch sideways, and STICK it straight up your candy ass! If you smelllll...what The Rock...is cooking.

=== August 23 ===

:''[Outside Jeff Jarrett's locker room, where a contract for an Intercontinental Title match is taped to the door]''
:'''Billy Gunn''': Chyna, I need a favor. You got a pen? I need a pen.
:'''Chyna''': I don't have one.
:'''Billy Gunn''': All right, come here. Stay right here, don't let anybody sign this, I'll be right back, I've gotta find a pen.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[as Billy walks away]'' Hey, that...that must be Jeff Jarrett's contract.
:'''Chyna''': Okay.
:'''Jerry''': Looks like Mr. Ass wants a piece of Jeff Jarrett, he wants to sign that contract.
:'''Michael Cole''': Look! Chyna's got a pen!
:'''Jerry''': What's she doing?!
:''' Cole''': ''[as Chyna signs and runs away]'' She's signing the open contract to meet Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Championship!

=== September 20===

:'''Bradshaw''': You know, these Dudley Boys come into the World Wrestling Federation trying to make a name out of themselves by taking on us. You know, they come out here and they spout their commandments. Well, we got three commandments too, it's real simple. #1—Thou shalt not drink our beer; #2—Thou shalt not mess with our [[w:Groupie|rats]]; and #3—I guess [[w:The Public Enemy (professional wrestling)|Public Enemy]] didn't tell them, Thou shalt not cut a promo on the Acolytes!

===December 20===
:''[Val Venis is in the ring for his Holiday Topless Top Rope match against Hardcore Holly]''
:'''Val Venis''': Hello Ladies!! You know something, ladies, you are a lot like Christmas trees. You know, you smell good. You're pretty to look at, but you never really feel special until I ''[makes thrusting motion]'' PLUG IT IN and light you up!

== 2000 ==
===January 31===
:''[JR and the King talk about the tag team championship match between Al Snow and Steve Blackman against the New Age Outlaws, but JR notices Al Snow going down to one section of the front row]''
:'''Jim Ross''': ''[sees Snow greet some people who just came down]'' Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute! My God, that's... that's Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': What are they doing here tonight?
:'''Jim''': What the hell is going on here? Those four guys... Well, King, we know it's all over the Internet they thumbed their noses at their last employer!
:'''Jerry''': Well, I know that. They walked out on that Ted Turner organization, but what are they doing here?
:'''Jim''': I know the WWF's been negotiating with those four superstars, but they've not signed any contracts that I'm aware of.
:'''Jerry''': Well, they haven't signed any contracts yet, so maybe they're just here to... They're just sitting at ringside, maybe they're here to get a bird'ss-eye view of the competition.
:'''Jim''': Well, all I'd say that's a pretty radical strategy on their part, wouldn't you think? It was radical enough that they walked out on their last employer because it was a lousy place to be, in their opinion.
:'''Jerry''': Well that was...
:'''Jim''': ...and showing up here unannounced is nothing short of radical either.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Rock is on the TitanTron after Big Show just defeated 2Cool]''
:'''The Rock''': Finally, the Rock has come BACK to Pittsburgh! Big Show, The Rock realizes what just took place, The Rock realizes that you won a hard-fought victory, well congratulations, but The Rock has but one thing to say to you: ''[singsong]'' somebody got a haircut!! ''[Big Show angrily stomps his feet]'' So that officially means Big Show that you're no longer a long-haired, seven-feet, 500-pound piece of monkey crap, no you are not. You are a SHORT-HAIRED seven-feet, 500-pound piece of steaming, stinking, grade-A monkey crap!!! Now Big Show, you want to run your month about how you've got an eyewitness to The Rock's feet hitting the ground at the Royal Rumble, well The Rock says this: He is tired of hearing you whine. The Rock is tired of hearing you bitch, the Rock is tired of hearing you cry and moan like a baby but there is something that the Rock wants ''[open palm and points at Big Show]'' you to listen to... and that is the most important sound you will ever hear in your pathetic life, and that is all the Rock's fans chanting his name! ''[audience responds with Rocky! chants]'' Now Big Show, seeing as you've heard the sound, The Rock says, go back to [[w:Supercuts|Supercuts]] and get your five dollars back, jabroni!! Now on to our Olympic hero, Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle the Rock says this you run your mouth about how you beat the Rock. The Rock says you have never - and The Rock means ''[audience joins for the word]'' NEVER!! Ever beaten the Rock, so the Rock says this quite simply put, the Rock says that tonight, you like to wear your gold medals, well the Rock says this, he's gonna go out there and win a gold medal for kicking your candy ass all over Pittsburgh! If you SMEEEELLLLL, What the Rock is Cooking!

===April 17===
:'''Chris Jericho''': ''[to Triple H]'' So you're telling me, Triple H, that I have to give up the World Wrestling Federation title because that match never took place? You're telling me that I have to give up the World Wrestling Federation title because these Jericho-holics never saw me beat you in the middle of that ring for this championship? Well, I guess we can all believe that. So I guess it's also not true that your wife Stephanie has not slept with half the boys in that locker room. ''[Stephanie coldly glares at him]'' I guess that we can't believe that either.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Earl Hebner has reversed Chris Jericho's pinfall win over Triple H and gave him back the WWF Championship per an agreement on Triple H never laying a hand on him while he's still a referee]''
:'''Triple H''': I'm a man of my word, Earl. I will not lay a hand on you as long as you're a World Wrestling Federation referee. Oh and by the way: YOUR ASS IS FIRED! ''[does the Pedigree on Earl]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the McMahon-Helmsley Regime goes to the ring after Linda McMahon announces Stone Cold Steve Austin coming to Backlash]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley''': Unfair, mom? You wanna know what's unfair is you hopping on a little plane... ''[angry at Slut! chants]'' hopping on a little plane, thinkging you can come down to this ring, to the World Wrestling Federatiton and start making decisions on things you know nothing about!
:'''Linda McMahon''': Oh yes I do, yes I can!
:'''Stephanie''':  In case you haven't forgotten the last we were in the ring together, mother, the McMahon-Helmsley Regime has no problem &quot;slapping&quot; people around, and hopefully you've noticed that the McMahon-Helmsley Regime is all about opportunity - so I'm gonna give you the opportunity to change your mind. Think about it, mother. What's your decision?
:'''Linda''': ''[long pause]'' NO!!!
:'''Stephanie''': No. You won't change your mind. You're gonna have Stone Cold Steve Austin in the Rock's corner. Well then, I'm not gonna change my mind about what I have to do, but Mom, just remember, like you told me when I was a little girl, this is gonna hurt me a lot worse than it hurts you. ''[tries to slap Linda, but gets knocked down when Linda blocks it and slaps her instead]''
:'''Linda''': ''[shocked at what she just did, tries to crouch down and help Stephanie]'' Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[dismisses her]'' Get away from me!!

===June 12===
:''[WWF CEO Linda McMahon has set up a six-man King of the Ring tagteam match between Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and Triple H against the Rock, Undertaker, and Kane. Vince fumes at the booking]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': We accept, we accept! You think you're gonna embarrass me?!? Huh?!?! You think you can come out here and put me in a position where you're gonna embarrass me in front of all these people, that's not gonna happen! I don't give a damn what match you make at the King of the Ring, I don't care what match you make tonight, tomorrow night, or any other night!
:'''Linda McMahon''': Well, if that's the case, Vince, how about tonight? ''[let's sink in]'' If that's the case yeah, Triple H, you'll defend the World Wrestling Federation Championship... ''[as HHH seethes]'' against an opponent of my choosing.
:'''Vince''': ''[brushes off HHH's protests]'' That's it? You got it! Triple HHH defends his WWF title tonight, and okay he doesn't know who his opponent is. Even so, he'll do it even it's not fair and you know damn well it's not!
:'''Linda''': Not fair? Well, if you don't think that's fair, you're probably not gonna like this either. Because there's another championship that needs to be defended tonight- and that championship is yours, Stephanie. ''[Stephanie reacts]'' Come on, Steph, you will defend the World Wrestling Federation Women's Championship against Lita ''[Steph mouths off NO!]'' - and pay very close attention to  this, this is the stipulation: If any member of the Faction interferes in the match at all, you will be disqualified and Lita will be awarded the Championship.
:'''Vince''': ''[ponders the logic in the announcement]'' All right you got that too, I'm happy. Now you've made your announcements, Little Ms CEO, you can go back to playing CEO somewhere else, maybe where you started your day this morning in Wilmington, Delaware. ''[tries to walk off with Shane, Stephanie, and HHH]''
:'''Linda''': Whoawhoawhoawhoa, Vince. ''[they look back at him]'' I don't play the CEO, ''I am the CEO.'' and as the CEO, I'll make this one final announcement tonight. Tonight, Shane McMahon will see action and also tonight, Vince McMahon will see action. And both Shane McMahon and Vince McMahon will team up in tag-team action against... the Dudley Boyz! ''[Father and son are dumbfounded]'' But it's not just any tag-team match. It's a Tables Match! ''[Shane walks off in disgust while Steph comforts a grimacing Vince]''

=== October 2 ===
:''[The Rock slams Kane and Chris Benoit as they and Kurt Angle leave him, Rikishi, Mick Foley, Triple H and Stephanie]''
:'''Rock''': Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa. The Rock is not done. You see, Mick Foley, the Rock is in a very giving mood as well. Now Kane, since you just wanna find things... Benoit, all you wanna do is prove things. Well, the Rock is gonna make both of you very happy men tonight. You see, before you and Kane face the Rock and Rikishi, the Rock wants you to do this - the Rock wants you to go find a very quiet place tonight. You two together, nobody else, you two by yourselves, go find a nice quiet place where you can be alone. And all your dreams can come true. All your dreams can come true - your dream, Kane, of finding things - your dream, Benoit, of proving things will come true, and this is how you do it: Benoit, when you're by yourself with Kane, pull your pants down ''[Benoit is blocked by the referees from coming down to the ring]'' go ahead Benoit, pull your pants down, and ''prove'' to Kane that you're not a woman!... and Kane, since you just wanna ''find'' things, you go ahead and find the penis Benoit claims he has! ''[Kane tries to go after the Rock, but the referees hold the line against him and Benoit]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Triple H just asked Stephanie to steer clear of his WWF Championship No 1 contender match against Kurt Angle, but as Stephanie walks away, she surprisingly runs into Chris Benoit]''
:'''Chris Benoit''': How's your head? ''[Stephanie gives him a hard slap]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': Whoa! ''[Benoit turns his head right but he snaps back like not feeling the pain]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Good God! ''[sees Benoit laughing as Steph walks away]'' and Benoit's smiling... oh my God!

===October 9===
:''[Mick Foley is with the Rock and Rikishi in the ring]''
:'''Mick Foley''': I've come out here in the past, I made wild accusations, but that’s not going to happen tonight. I promised to deliver the person, who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I will! Fortunately, my announcement will conclude what has undoubtedly been the worst week of my professional career. Unfortunately, all of the evidence points to you, Rock. It was your rental car that ran down Stone Cold, only your fingerprints, only your DNA were found inside the car. Hell, a pair of The Rock's sunglasses were found inside the glove box. And as Linda McMahon herself stated, no one else had as much to gain by Stone Cold's departure, did they, Rock? No, with Stone Cold out of the way, who sold the T-shirts, who picked up the media appearences, whose book went to number one, who showed up on television, who got movie roles? You have not fooled me, Rock, and therefore right here in Anaheim, California, in the case of who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series, Mick Foley finds The Rock... not guilty!

:But if you didn't do it, who did? Now I'm gonna tell you, who did. ''[points to Rikishi]'' He did. I hadn't quite figured it out until Scotty 2 Hotty said something about 'hang out backstage with Rikishi', hell, Rikishi, you weren't even part of Survivor Series, you hadn't even debuted on television! Who else is close enough with The Rock to go inside his dressing room? ''[Rikishi shakes head in denial]'' Who else is close enough with The Rock to reach inside his bag and get his keys? The mirrors and the seat were configured to fit not just a large man, but a very large man. That very large man is YOU! The only thing, I don't know, is why!
:'''Rikishi''': Okay. I did it. In case, you didn't hear, I admit. I did it. I ran over Austin. And you ask, why? I didn't do it for me. No, I didn't do it for me. I did it for... The Rock! ''[The Rock is surprised]'' You see, Rock, I took your keys out of your bag that night, when I went to go check into the hotel. And when I jumped into the car, I saw Stone Cold Steve Austin standing in the middle of the parking lot all alone. And suddenly, everything flashed right through my eyes.

:You see, the WWF has always been all about the &quot;Great White Hope&quot;... and I'm talking about such people as [[w:Buddy Rogers|Buddy Rogers]], people like [[w:Bruno Sammartino|Bruno Sammartino]], people like [[w:Bob Backlund|Bob Backlund]], people like [[w:Hulk Hogan|Hulk Hogan]], and now, people like [[w:Stone Cold Steve Austin|Stone Cold Steve Austin]]. You see, the WWF has always let the island boys in, but we were always held back! Now listen to me, Rock, and I really want you to listen to me! And I'm talking about people like your grandfather, a well-respected man, High Chief [[w:Peter Maivia|Peter Maivia]], ''[Rock is visibly shaken at the mention]'' could have became a WWF Champion, but no, they held him back! People like [[w:Jimmy_Snuka|Jimmy ‘Superfly’ Snuka]], could have been a WWF Champion, but no, they held him back! And people like [[w:The_Wild_Samoans|Afa and Sika]], [[w:Samula_Anoaʻi|Samu]], and the [[w:Sam Fatu|Tonga Kid]], they were all held back.

:So you see, Rock, I ran Stone Cold over, and I did this for you. I don't expect any favor from you, Rock. No, I don't expect no favors and no payback. Before, I want you people to know all around the world, and set the record straight, that The Rock did not have a damn thing to do with this. I take full responsibility! And you know what, Rock, just you being who you are today is good enough for me and our people. And before I go, one more time, I ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin! And to tell the truth, ''I'd do it again!''

=== October 23 ===
:'''Kurt Angle''': People, I ask you, what do you consider to be a successful year? For most people, a successful year would be maybe earning a little extra money, or getting a promotion, or maybe spending a little extra time with your families and loved ones. With all respect, that's a bunch of garbage. It's true, it's true. I know that people have obstacles to overcome in their lives. For most people, it's overcoming poverty; for some people, it's overcoming impossible odds, like having accomplished something in your life, being born in a city like Hartford, Connecticut. ''[Shakes Stephanie's hand]'' Good job, Steph. Good job. For me, it was accomplishing more in one year than most people will ever accomplish in their whole entire lives.
:Let me take you on a little trip. A pictorial journey, if you will. See, four years ago, I captured the Olympic Gold Medal in the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, Georgia. For most people, after capturing the Olympic Gold Medal, they would call it a career. It's over, done. Thankfully, I'm not most people, and that is true. Four years later, I decided to give it a shot and enter the World Wrestling Federation. &quot;The most celebrated athlete in the World Wrestling Federation,&quot; the headlines screamed, and boy, were they on the money!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' ASSHOLE!
:'''Kurt Angle''': ''[to the crowd]'' Would you keep it down for a second please?
:A mere two months in the WWF, and I captured my first gold by winning the European Championship. And incredibly, here's the footage, incredibly, tourism grew in Europe 38% from me! Then, only two months later, two months later, I captured the Intercontinental Championship, in this very city, mind you! And I became the first ever EuroContinental Champion in WWF history. Well, besides D'Lo Brown, but he doesn't count, we know that.
:Then four months later, four months later, I not only captured gold, but royalty as well when I was crowned the 2000 King of the Ring. What a memory. Look at that, Steph. Look at that crown and that scepter. And unbelievably, sales of crowns and scepters grew 49%! I couldn't believe it either.
:And then last night, the greatest accomplishment of all, with help from my good friend and business partner, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, I topped the most amazing eleven months in WWF history and became the World Wrestling Federation Champion. We will remember that for a lifetime. ''That'', people, is a successful year. That is what separates great men from supermen. With that in mind, I wrote a little poem in celebration of my victory. The poem is called &quot;What Makes a Man Super-Great&quot;, and I'd like to read it to you tonight.
:Greatness comes in many shapes
:Beyond red, white and blue.
:It's the addition of the color gold.
:Yes, indeed, it's true.

===December 4===
:'''The Rock''': Finally, The Rock has come back to New Jersey! Just as sure as for the very first time, Kevin Kelly, The Rock stood here right in this arena and called ''[points at]'' you an ugly hermaphrodite is just as sure as this Sunday night, at Armageddon, The Rock will be at Hell in a Cell. This is gonna the most brutal match The Rock has ever been in. The dangerousest match The Rock has ever been in. The Hell in a Cell. And it doesn't matter, Kevin Kelly, what you call it. Whether it's called a Hell in a Cell, or Rage in a Cage, Painus in Uranus, the only thing that matters is that The Rock is going in this Sunday night, to do exactly what he does best - layeth the smacketh down and get back The Rock's WWF title.

:And the fact of the matter is this, is that The Rock knows this Sunday night, he has his work cut out for him. The Rock knows, he's got five other guys he's got to compete with. And even if The Rock has got to beat Kurt Angle, which means, ''[mocks Angle]'' &quot;I'm gonna drink a big glass of milk, eat some chocolate-chip cookies and then maybe I'll take three Viagra.&quot; Or maybe The Rock has got to face Rikishi, beat Rikishi. ''[mimics Rikishi's admission]'' &quot;I did it for The Rock. I did it for the people. I did it for...&quot; oh, shut your mouth, you thong-wearin' fatty!

:Or maybe The Rock has got to beat The Undertaker, the American Badass, beat him so bad, that one more he'll raise up... ''[does rising from the dead]'' &quot;Rest in peace!&quot; Or maybe The Rock has got to beat Triple H himself, which ''[copies HHH drawl]''' means-uh, he's got to beat The Game-uh, in the middle of the ring-uh. And he has a two-dollar slut for a wife-uh! ''[normal voice]'' Or maybe The Rock, has gotta beat... ''[wears SCSA woodland camo cap and makes Texan drawl]'' Stone Cold Steve Austin. Which means I gotta get in my, I gotta get my pick-up truck, drink some Steve-weisers, listen to some Backstreet Boys. And that's the bottom line, 'cause the Great One said so! ''[normal]'' One more thing, this Sunday night at Armageddon, The Rock is gonna do all he can to win the WWF title. If ya smell... what The Rock is cooking!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Vince McMahon wanted to deliver the State of the WWF Address, but gets sprawled on the ring thanks to Austin, The Rock, and the Undertaker]''
:'''Mick Foley''': ''[crouches down at Vince]'' Vince... jeez, not a good day isn't it? I mean, you've been Stone Cold Stunnered, you've been Rock Bottomed, hell you even went for the Last Ride! So I guess, there's really only one thing left to do. ''[pulls out Mr Socko and goes around the ring before going down on one knee. mouths off Mr Socko in tinny voice]'' Kiss my fat ass, Vince ''[normal voice]'' and have a nice day!

== 2001 ==
=== March 5 ===
:'''Jim Ross''': Hello again, everybody, and welcome to the World Wrestling Federation. We're live here in D.C., I'm Jim Ross, and...
:'''Paul Heyman''': They already know who you are, so tell them who I am now.
:'''Jim Ross''': I'm joined by Paul Heyman.
:'''Paul Heyman''': You're joined by Paul Heyman, because last Tuesday night, The Kat was released by the WWF, and her husband Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler, to his credit, walked out right alongside with her. But where there's chaos, J.R., there is opportunity. And tonight, just like TNN threw off ECW for the WWF, the King is gone, and in his chair is Paul E., and the E is for '''EXTREME'''! How's that? Not bad, huh?
:'''Jim Ross''': I don't know what I did to deserve this...

=== March 26 ===
:''[cold opening]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[points to monitors]'' Well now here's the WWF, and here's WCW, there's Jeff Jarrett, and here we have the owner of the World Wrestling Federation - and now the owner of WCW. That's right, I, Vince McMahon, I have purchased - I own, my own competition and tonight, I have the ability to address WWF fans as to what this means. I have the ability to address WCW stars as to what this means to them, and yes, I have the ability to address WCW fans to what this actually means to them as well. Tonight, at the right time, there will be a special simulcast, and let me say for sure, ''[puts up index finger]'' one man will make history, ''[thumbs up at himself]'' and that's me. Vince McMahon. Now, as far as the Jeff Jarretts of the world are concerned, you know how Jeff spells his name &quot;that's J-E-double-F&quot;? Well, you know what hmm I would suspect that we'd spell it a different way after tonight, that would be &quot;capital G, double-O, double-N, double-E... GONE&quot;!  
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[as Vince McMahon comes down for the special simulcast with Nitro]'' They say that [[Alexander the Great]] sat down on a rock and cried, for he had no worlds left to conquer. Tonight, the [[w:Monday Night Wars|Monday Night Wars]] are over, and the victor, the victor of the Monday Night Wars is clear, it's ''[refers to Vince as he just instructed Lillian Garcia to repeat her introduction of him]'' that man.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Vince McMahon gloats over him buying WCW... but Shane appears, revealing that he's over at the [[WCW Monday Nitro|WCW Nitro]] finale]''
:'''Shane McMahon''': What's up Vince? Surprise Dad, you're in Cleveland, Ohio, and I'm here in Panama City Beach, Florida, standing in a WCW ring and as usual Dad, your ego has gotten the best of you. Your ego has gotten the best of you. I mean, Dad, you wanted to have the audacity to finalize this deal - WCW - at WrestleMania? You wanted to have the audacity to ask Ted Turner himself to come down and finalize that deal? Well, Dad, that's just the opportunity that I was looking for, because Dad, the deal is finalized with WCW and the name on the contract does say &quot;McMahon.&quot; ''[WCW fans pop and Vince gulps]'' However, the contract reads, &quot;Shane McMahon.&quot;
:''[Vince is openmouthed]''
:'''Jim Ross''': ''[on commentary]'' Oh my God! I don't believe it!
:'''Shane''': That's right, Dad, I now own WCW! And Dad, just like WCW did in the past--[[w:Monday Night Wars#1996–1997:_WWF_struggles|how it kicked your ass in the past]] and it will again. That's exactly what's gonna happen to you this Sunday, at WrestleMania!
:'''Jim''': I can't believe what we have just heard! Shane McMahon has bought WCW! And Mr. McMahon is in absolute shock!

=== June 18 ===
:'''Diamond Dallas Page''': Undertaker! Like the Diamond Cutter, you never saw it comin'! Now those of you who know me are asking yourself the question why? Why did I, why did Diamond Dallas Page go after the Undertaker like this? Well I'll tell ya. I'll tell ya exactly why. Because if you wanna make an impact in this business, you go after the biggest, the meanest, the baddest dog in the yard. And once you find that dog, if you wanna get the very best of him, you make it personal - ''real'' personal. And then, hey, you find that dog's weakness. Well Taker, you are obviously that dog. And you've been telling people for years that this ring, right here, is your yard. We'll see.
:But, up to a few weeks ago, Taker, you have never shown weakness. I mean, NEVER shown weakness. That is, up until a few weeks ago when you told Stone Cold Steve Austin that if he ever, ever messed with your family, you'd make him famous. Duh! Taker, you idiot, Stone Cold Steve Austin's already famous! But it did get me to thinkin'. Good God. When you said what you said about your family, Dead Man, you didn't sound so dead - as a matter of fact, you sounded very ''alive.'' And for you, son, that's a sign of weakness. Taker, think about it. Remember when you used to say, &quot;I've slept through things that make most people's hair turn gray.&quot; Remember that? Okay, you didn't say it exactly LIKE that, but you remember that. You also said you weren't afraid of anything. FOUL! I'm gonna call you on that right now. Taker, I'm callin' you a liar! Oh yeah! Oh yeah I am. 'Cause take a look at him now - he's runnin' around his house, lockin' all the windows, lockin' the doors. I can just see him now, calling Vince McMahon this morning. &quot;Mr. McMahon, I can't possibly come in and compete tonight - I can't leave my wife Sara - there's a madman - there's a stalker trying to get to my wife Sara!&quot;
:You're scared to death! How's it feel, son? I tell you what, there is a positive side to this. Diamond Dallas Page has made your wife Sara famous. And speaking of famous, nobody, and I mean NOBODY, deserves to be more famous than the King of Ba-da-bing, the Master of the Diamond Cutter. NOBODY deserves to be more famous that ME: DDP! Because my whole life, I've wanted to be since I was eight years old, my whole life people have been tellin' me, until you've been to the shizzow, until you've been to the show, until you've been to the very top of our business, you're never really famous. So Taker, trust me, I'm using you to get the top of this business, and you can take it to the bank, whether I gotta buy a ticket or not, I will see you at King of the Ring. You gotta problem with me? Cool. Taker, I'm beggin' ya - make me FAMOUS!

=== June 25 ===
:'''Edge''': Billy (Gunn), since you're not really doing anything lately, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. If, in two years' time at the King of the Ring, I'm not defending a title or even in a match, and my very special assignment is to go to WWF New York and eat a meatball sandwich, then please just shoot me in the head.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Al Snow''': ''[walking backstage]'' Did you see ''Tough Enough'' last Thursday?
:'''Hardcore Holly''': As a matter of fact, I did, and Al, you did a great job, even though I should've been there to help.
:'''Al Snow''': I couldn't agree more...hey, what...what's going on here?
:''[They walk up to find several wrestlers around the APA table.]''
:'''Faarooq''': Hey, guys, guys, listen up. WCW, now here's a company that, when you came knocking, that wouldn't answer their door for you; here's a company that wouldn't return your phone calls; here's a company that said ''you'' wasn't [''sic''] talented enough to work for them. Then all of the sudden, when the wells run dry and they have to pay for those million and a half dollar homes and those brand new BMWs, those brand new Mercedes, they come running their asses here for us to save 'em. Well, guess what. This is the WWF. We all helped build this house. Now all of the sudden, they want a piece of the pie? I say hell no.
:'''Bradshaw''': WCW wants to walk into ''our'' house, a house we built, a house you all built? You guys are on the World Wrestling Federation roster; it took some of you years to get here. But you're here now, and that means you're the best in the world at what you do. And now, these guys from WCW, because they couldn't make it on their own, want to come ridin' piggyback off of us 'cause we're the only show in town? Well, let's make this perfectly clear. Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, Mike Awesome, everybody from WCW, you can go straight to Hell. We'll meet your ass there, we'll kick it there too!
:Whatever you thought about us in the past, whatever you think about us now doesn't really matter. We've stood alone before. What I'm asking you is this. We're asking you to show why you're on this roster, we're asking you to stand up for what you have built. There's going to be a fight. I know there's gonna be a fight because ''we're'' gonna start it! There's gonna be some beer gettin' drunk, there's gonna be some asses gettin' kicked, but most of all, it's time we got medieval on somebody's ass!

===July 9===
:''[Vince McMahon is shocked at the WCW and ECW groups seemingly together and mauling the WWF group]''
:'''Shane McMahon''': Hey Dad, you want to know what is going on? Can't you see what is happening? I said I could never ever compete with your checkbook, but I can outsmart you and that's exactly what I've done tonight. That's exactly what we did tonight. You see Dad back in the locker room you told me that I will be personally responsible for everything that happens out here tonight. And you know what Dad, you're right. I'm personally responsible for all of this. I'm personally responsible for WCW. I am personally responsible for ECW being here tonight.
:'''Paul Heyman''': How do you like that Vince? HUH!? How do you like it now!?!?
:'''Shane''': And I am personally responsible for the MERGER of WCW and ECW coming together tonight! So, Dad, at InVasion, this new entity, WCW and ECW is gonna kick the WWF's ass! Oh yeah, I got one more thing for you, one more. And I am also personally responsible and privileged to introduce you to the new owner of ECW. I believe you know this person quite well. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up...for Vince's daughter Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley! ''[Vince reacts as Triple H's intro music &quot;My Time&quot; plays and slowly turns around to see Stephanie passing him]''
:'''Jim Ross''': The new owner of WCW. Oh my God, Shane owns WCW and the princess, Vince's little baby girl, now owns ECW. For the love of God, the sins of the father are costing us all in the WWF! I do not believe this! July 9, 2001 - a date that will live in sports entertainment infamy!

===July 16===
:''[The Alliance leaders are happy with Steve Austin walking out on Vince at the previous SmackDown! show]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': I'm so excited for Booker T to rip off Chris Jericho's head tonight and again this Sunday, at Invasion!
:'''Paul Heyman''': I love her enthusiasm ''[to Shane McMahon]'' Shane, think about it. This Sunday at Invasion Inaugural Brawl, it's our five best against their five best and their very best, Stone Cold Steve Austin, ain't at his best anymore now, is he?
:'''Shane McMahon''': Now let's get down to out five best that we're in agreement. ''[counts on fingers]'' Booker T.
:'''Heyman''': Right.
:'''Shane''': DDP...
:'''Heyman''': Right.
:'''Shane''': The Dudley Boyz, and Rhyno...
:'''Heyman''': GORE! GORE! GORE! ''[Stephanie is surprised]'' 
:'''Shane''': ...will represent us this Sunday. 
:'''Stephanie''': WCW and ECW.
:'''Shane''': This Sunday, sports entertainment as we know it, the course of it, will be changed forever.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Vince, the Undertaker, and the APA meet the entire WWF locker room]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': All right guys, listen up here for a minute, please.
:'''Faarooq''': Hey, hey. I'm sure y'all saw what happened here tonight. Look, they still don't damn get it. But you know what, tonight we're gonna show their asses that we mean business. ''[wrestlers murmur in assent]''
:'''Bradshaw''': These second-rate sons of bitches wanna ride piggyback offa us, 'cause they can't make it on their own? Then tell 'em to bring their little invasion on, because starting tonight, we ain't takin' this shit no more. It's TIME we got knee-deep in somebody's ass! ''[wrestlers get agitated]''
:'''McMahon''': Guys, let me just say this, that - make no mistake about what's going down here tonight - make no mistake about what's gonna happen this Sunday, 'cause no one in this room has ever been threatened personally...like you're threatened now. None of us have ever been threatened collectively like we're threatened now. This coalition of WCW and ECW - they wanna eat each and every one of you alive. They wanna do it tonight, and they wanna finish us off on Sunday. Now I was hoping that we were gonna have someone with us tonight to lead the way, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
:'''Undertaker''': To HELL with all that! I've heard all of that I'm gonna hear. What it's time for is to find out who the phony tough is and who's the crazy brave. Austin - he's made a hell of a name for himself here in the WWF, and now he don't have the heart to go out and to fight for the company that made him? I say the HELL with him! The rest of you, you need to understand this - there's no shame in goin' out and fightin' and gettin' your ass kicked. There's no honor in not fighting at all. So who wants to fight? ''[wrestlers murmur]'' WHO WANTS TO FIGHT??!? ''[wrestlers get agitated and Undertaker quiets them as a staff member brings in Freddie Blassie on a wheelchair]''
:'''Freddie Blassie''': Gentlemen, there comes a time when every man must fight for what he believes in! ''[rises from wheelchair]'' You understand? Now's the time! Get up, stand up, and fight! ''[wrestlers get louder]''
:'''Wrestlers''': Fight!! FIGHT!!!!
:''[at a bar, Austin is so unnerved by footage of the gathering that he moves balls around a pool table and smashes a cue before leaving]''
:'''Debra''': Steve! Where are you going??

===August 27===
:''[The Rock appears after winning the WCW title]''
:'''The Rock''': Finally, The Rock has come back to Grand Rapids! Shane McMahon, just so the Rock understands this: The Rock supposedly doesn't care about the history of the WCW? The Rock doesn't care about history of the WCW title? Well The Rock knows damn well the history of the WCW title. The Rock knows that the title traces back to Frank Gotch, Lou Thesz, Ricky Steamboat, and - woooooooooo! - Ric Flair! The Rock also knows damn well, what in recent years the WCW title has come to... Diamond Dallas Page? Booker T? The [[w:David Arquette|guy]] from ''Scream 2'', the dog from ''Married with Children'', the maid from ''The Jeffersons''! Shane McMahon, this WCW title is just like your sister, everybody gets ''[makes finger-petting motion]'' a turn! 

===September 24===
:'''Michael Cole''': Last night at Unforgiven, you successfully defended your WCW title, but no rest for the weary, because tonight you will defend that title, yet again, this time against Rob Van Dam.
:'''The Rock''': Finally, The Rock has come back to Columbus! ''[crowd cheers]'' You see, last night was a very special night for The Rock. Handicap match, The Rock, Booker T, Shane O'Mac, The Rock walked in to Unforgiven the WCW Champion, The Rock walked out Unforgiven the WCW Champion! ''[crowd cheers]'' But tonight is a very special night as well. You see, tonight will mark the first time, FIRST TIME, The Rock will defend his WCW title against Rob Van Dam. But that's not the only reason why tonight is a very special night. You see, on this night, 25 years ago, from the testicles of Vince McMahon himself, came something so terrifying! So horrifying, it sends chills up and down men's bodies all over the world! Tonight marks the birth of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. And you know, Stephanie, a word of warning. The Rock knows that you like to get involved in all The Alliance matches. So if you decide to get involved in The Rock's match tonight, Stephanie, The Rock - ''[The Rock looks off-screen for several seconds as the crowd cheers]'' Stephanie if you decide to get involved in The Rock's match tonight, then just like the doctor did 25 years ago when he held your little baby body up and wiped all the afterbirth goo from your body, The Rock will take the back of the people's hand and slap that million dollar candy ass! ''[crowd cheers]'' But you see, Stephanie, don't get The Rock wrong, The Rock is happy it's your birthday. As a matter of fact, The Rock wants to help you celebrate this very joyous occasion. So Stephanie, allow The Rock to sing you a very special birthday song. ''[singsong]'' Happy Birthday to Steph, you're a hoe with big breasts, so take the night off from hooking, if you smell what The Rock is cooking!

=== October 29 ===
:'''Jim Ross''': ''[after Vince McMahon knocks down his son, Shane, with a trash can]'': Can Vince make the cover? ''[suddenly Alliance members Booker T and Test come out to the ring to attack Vince]'' Wait a minute, there's...there's that damn Booker T and Test! Those bastards! ''[The Undertaker and Kane then arrive to even the odds]'' And Undertaker and Kane! Undertaker and Kane!
:'''Paul Heyman''': But whose side are they on?
:'''Jim''': They're not on Test and Booker T's side, that's for damn sure! Kane...on the outside, ''[Kane and Test knock each other down with kicks to the face]'' and both Kane and Test are down! The Undertaker, looking for a...spinaroonie, a little ride...''[Undertaker gives Booker T a Last Ride]'' ...a Last Ride! ''[William Regal then comes out and gives The Undertaker a low blow from behind]'' But there's - oh! - Alliance commissioner William Regal with a low blow! Coming from behind The Undertaker, ''[Regal then hits the Regal Cutter on The Undertaker]'' and Regal, taking The Undertaker down, and perhaps out of this equation. ''[the crowd cheers loudly as suddenly The Rock comes out to the ring and attacks Regal]'' And there's The Rock!
:'''Paul''': But whose side is he on?!
:'''Jim''': Team WWF! And The Rock, laying the smack down on Regal! ''[The Rock then gives Regal a Rock Bottom]'' And the Rock Bottom! The Rock Bottom! ''[out comes Stone Cold Steve Austin]'' Oh God! There's Austin!
:'''Paul''': I know what side he's on! It's Stone Cold, ''[Austin gives The Rock a Stone Cold Stunner]'' punishing The Rock!
:'''Jim''': Austin with a Stunner on The Rock!
:'''Paul''': Austin just stunned The Rock!
:''[now Kurt Angle comes out, with a steel chair in hand]''
:'''Jim''': And here comes Kurt Angle!
:'''Paul''': Whose side is HE on?!
:'''Jim''': ''[as Angle looks like he is about to hit Austin with the chair]'' Kurt Angle, the steel chair! Tear his head - ''[Chris Jericho runs into the ring, and Angle suddenly turns around and hits Jericho in the head with the chair instead]'' Oh no! Angle just nailed - Kurt Angle just hit Chris Jericho with the, right in the face with that steel chair! ''[The Rock gets back up from the Stunner, only for Angle to hit him in the head with the chair as well]'' Oh my God! My God, what is this?! ''[Angle then hits the Undertaker with the chair]'' Oh my God, don't tell me! ''[Kane gets back in the ring and Angle hits him with the chair as well]'' No! No! Kurt Angle! No!
:'''Paul''': It's Kurt Angle! Kurt Angle, has joined the Alliance!
:'''Jim''': My God, it can't be!
:'''Paul''': It is! It's true! It's true!
:''[Austin stands Vince up and hits him with a Stone Cold Stunner]''
:'''Jim''': Oh! Austin - got the Stunner on McMahon, who couldn't even stand to start with!
:'''Paul''': Kurt Angle has joined the Alliance, it's true, it's true!
:'''Jim''': ''[as Austin puts Shane on top of Vince]'': Oh no! That son of a - ''[as the referee successfully counts to three]'' No! No, dammit! ''[the bell rings]'' Oh, God! What has Kurt Angle done?
:'''Lilian Garcia''': Here's your winner, Shane McMahon!
:'''Paul''': Shane McMahon has beaten his own father!
:'''Jim''': ''[as Shane and Austin embrace and then celebrate in the ring with Angle]'': Shane McMahon may have beat his father physically; he may have also just beat his father at his own game! For the love of God, Shane McMahon has coerced Kurt Angle to join the Alliance!
:'''Paul''': Kurt Angle has joined the Alliance! It's true! It's damn true!
:'''Jim''': Kurt Angle with an assault with a steel chair! Team WWF has gone to hell! My God, Kurt Angle has screwed us all and joined the damned Alliance!

=== November 19 ===
:''[Vince McMahon is not too pleased to see Ric Flair and demands an explanation]''
:'''Ric Flair''': The explanation that I'm gonna give you all revolves around the fact that I bet on a winner last night! Woooo!
:'''Vince McMahon''': What the hell are you talking about?
:'''Ric''': I sat home, wooo!! on the big side of town, in that big house, and I bet on a winner last night. But ''[to Kurt Angle]'' Kurt Angle, let me just say this to you. You're a man who's got an Olympic gold medal, you got a legacy, you're an ambassador, this is no way you want to win the World title. Be Kurt Angle, be the gold medal winner, and be a man that wins by beating the best man.
:'''Vince''': So you came down here 'cause its your hometown to give us your opinion. How nice, Mr Flair. Nice to see you, now goodbye.
:'''Ric''': You want, you want me to just cut it to the quick right away? I bet on a winner last night, and do you know, that when Shane and Stephanie sold their stock to that consortium, that the consortium... wooo!! ''[takes off coat, goes on rope, makes the strut, and swings off rope before going back to Vince]'' The consortium was '''me''', and now you and I, are limousine-ridin', jet-flyin', kiss-stealin', wheeling-dealin' son of a guns! You know why? Because we're partners! ''[embraces Vince briefly]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What?!!
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh my god...Flair and McMahon are partners?!!?

== 2002 ==
===March 25===
:'''Linda McMahon''': Good evening. Tonight, we will witness the first-ever World Wrestling Federation draft. Vince McMahon will represent ''SmackDown!''. Ric Flair will represent ''Raw''. In the interest of time, only 20 picks will actually be made live tonight. A lottery will be held immediately following ''Raw'' on WWF.com to determine placement of all other World Wrestling Federation performers. The result of tonight's historic draft becomes effective on next week's ''Raw''. However, because of the Triple Threat WWF Championship match tonight, neither Triple H, Chris Jericho, nor Stephanie McMahon is eligible to be drafted. And due to a contractual clause, Stone Cold Steve Austin is not eligible to be drafted either. Mr. Austin is therefore declared a free agent, able to sign with either ''SmackDown!'' or ''Raw''. Thank you for your attention this evening and best of luck to all the World Wrestling Federation superstars.

=== July 1 ===
:''[Booker T chances upon Goldust]''
:'''Booker T''': Tell me you're not dressed like that. Man put that thing before you get somebody eye-witted. Who are you supposed to be tonight?
:'''Goldust''': ''[as Darth Vader, complete with breathing. touches Booker T]'' Booker, the Force is strong with you, but you are not a Jedi yet. 
:'''Booker T''': Look man, I don't know what you're talking about, but I ain't no Star Wars geek. I ain't watched a movie and never will. 
:'''Goldust''': ''[removes helmet]'' Booker, it's not about that. It's about last week and our splendid plan. It's about me concocting another marvelous plan tonight if you will only go over there and relax. Get your matcon and get ready.. I will be back ''[dons helmet]''
:'''Booker T''': Let me see that. ''[takes lightsaber toy, but gets amazed when it lights up, and makes motions and humming sounds as if he's using the weapon]'' I'm like, I'm about to get medieval man... OBI-BOOK KENOBI!! It don't matter whether you're a Stormtrooper or the nWo, your ass is about to get waxed by the five-time Master Jedi champion, now can you dig that, ''[kneels and thrusts lightsaber upwards]'' sucka!!! ''[returns to normal and gives Goldust the lightsaber back]'' Take care of your business, man. ''[leaves]''

=== July 15 ===
:'''Booker T''': ''[in interview with Jonathan Coachman]'' The fact of the matter is this. Big Show, I'm 'bout to come out here and pull an Allen Iverson on yo' punk ass and show you why you don't put your hands on the ''[counts fingers on hand]'' five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time WCW Champion! Now can you dig that... ''[looks over and looks like he's seeing a ghost, but it's actually...]''
:'''Eric Bischoff''': ''[shaking Booker's hand]'' Booker T, so good to see you again, my friend.
:'''Booker T''': ''[to Coach after Eric walks off]'' Tell me I didn't just see that.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[With the one-hour countdown to naming a new Raw General Manager is up, Vince comes out]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': You know, you don't realize this but it takes a real son of a bitch to be successful in this business. So from one son of a bitch to another, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of ''Raw'' - his name is ERIC BISCHOFF!
:''[Bischoff comes out and gives McMahon a deep embrace and raise their arms together. Bischoff heads down to the ring]''
:'''Eric Bischoff''': &quot;For those of you who may not know me... my name is Eric Bischoff, and I used to run WCW. Not that watered-down version, by the way, that invaded this company... but the real deal. You see, when I ran WCW, I became famous. That's right. I was the only person EVER able to take it right to Vince McMahon. That would be me. In fact, when Vince was out here a couple weeks ago talking about ruthless aggression... just who the hell do you think he was talking about? That, of course, would be me - I've personified ruthless aggression.

:When Vince McMahon needed star power, I was ruthless. Hell, I signed everybody he had! Hulk Hogan - Randy Savage - Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Roddy Piper, it went on and on and on, hell - I was like a kid in a candy store! I signed Bobby &quot;the Brain&quot; Heenan and Mean Gene Okerlund... just for the hell of it! Just because I could. But what I really did... is I took this little family business, this McMahon monopoly, and I gave it one big swift kick in the crotch. And it was sweet. In fact, while Vince McMahon was on trial with the federal government, he took his eye off the ball - and I raided his company dry.

:And for all of you people who say the only reason I was successful is because I had Ted Turner's money, I've got news for each and every one of you - I was successful because I was innovative. In fact, I was cutting edge, remember - remember back when ''Raw'' was taped every other week and ''Nitro'' was live, and I decided to go on the air two minutes before ''Raw'', and I gave away everything that happened on ''Raw'' so YOU people didn't have to watch it? Oh, DAMN! That was ruthless. And it was a little aggressive, but it worked. And how about Alundra Blayze, you remember her? Vince's Woman's World Champion, I signed her away and I said 'hey, Alundra, bring your belt to ''Nitro'',' she didn't really want to, but I made her, 'cause... she worked for me. And I had her go out on national television and throw it in the trash! Hahaha... that one killed me, it was a little ruthless, it was a little aggressive, but it worked.

:But you know what the important thing was? Is I forced Vince McMahon to change the way he did television. *I* did. Because on ''Nitro'', I gave away a competitive main event every week with big stars! Hell, ''WCW Nitro'' changed the face of sports entertainment forever! And I singlehandedly forced Vince McMahon to change the way HE did business so HE could keep up with ME. It was beautiful. Hey, remember when I created the nWo? Cutting edge! Ruthless! Aggressive! Not some stale retread. ''Nitro'' beat ''Raw'' 84 WEEKS IN A ROW. Eighty-four weeks in a row, and I came THIS close - can you see it? THIS close to putting this company out of business forever. Singlehandedly!

:So naturally, I was a little surprised when my phone rang...and on the other end was none other than Vince McMahon, and he said 'hey Eric, whaddaya think about becoming the general manager of ''Raw''?' Well I gotta tell ya, I was surprised. I was DAMN surprised. But then the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me - because you see if there's one person - ONE person who can take this... struggling franchise, and turn it into a national media powerhouse! Well... that would be... ME. And it's gonna start right here on ''Raw'', and we're gonna kick it off this Sunday at Vengeance. Because there was one thing that I really wanted to do when I was running WCW, never got the job done, one piece of talent that I could never sign away. Just one. And I'm absolutely convinced - absolutely convinced that if I would have been able to sign him that right now, today, ''Nitro'' would be on the air, and Vince McMahon, my new best friend, with all due respect, would be working for me. But that's okay. Because it's not gonna be the nWo that signs Triple H - uh uh - that would be me.

:And for all of the rest of you in the back - some of you I've had a chance to work with, some of you I'm meeting for the very first time - one thing I'm sure you'll all agree on is that people generally like working for me - it's really not about the money - truly, it's not. People are drawn to winners - you people are drawn to winners - Mr. McMahon was drawn to a winner, which is why he hired me. Let's face it: the WWE *needs* me - you people DESERVE me - and there's one thing I wanna promise each and every one of you people. I am here to put the 'E' in WWE.

=== August 26 ===

:'''Paul Heyman''': We stand here tonight on the sacred ground of the world's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden. And, you can take Bruno Sammartino, Superstar Billy Graham, Hollywood Hulk Hogan...you can combine them all and they STILL don't equal this man. And the funniest thing about it is, I TOLD YOU SO! And none of you would listen to me! I told you Brock Lesnar was the Next Big Thing, and none of you would listen. I told you Brock Lesnar would win the King of the Ring, and none of you would listen to me. I told you that Brock Lesnar would destroy the myth of Hulkamania, none of you would listen to me! I told you Brock Lesnar would beat The Rock for the Undisputed title at SummerSlam, and none of you would listen to me! Well you think by now, you people would learn to listen!

=== October 7 ===
:[''Triple H and Ric Flair appear on the stage after Kane successfully defends the World Tag Team Championship in a TLC match'']
:'''Triple H''': Kane, I promised you that before this night was over, your life would never be the same. You said this is the happiest you've ever been in your life, huh? Well, unfortunately, some people always can't be that happy. [''crowd chants &quot;asshole&quot; at Triple H''] Let me ask you a question, Kane! How happy is Katie Vick? Yeah, that's right. I know, Kane. I know it all. Ten years ago, you killed her. That's right, Kane. You are a murderer. [''Kane stands in the ring, speechless'']

== 2003 ==

=== February 3 ===

:'''Triple H''': Today marks the beginning of a new era. You see, in this industry, just like in life, everything evolves. And what you see in this ring before you is the greatest example of Evolution you will ever see. Ric Flair, 16 times Heavyweight Champion of the World, the Nature Boy, the greatest professional wrestler of all time, a living legend. WHOO! Ric Flair has done it all and has beaten them all and done with a class and a style like no one else. Take it from me: There is no one better than Ric Flair.
:And all of the things Flair represents, I am today. I have taken all of those attributes and I have put them into the ultimate package. I have put them into a body that every man out there wishes he had and every single one of you women out there wants to be with. You top that off with a mind made for this business and you get the greatest Ring General of all time. You get the best that there is. You get The Game. You get the World Heavyweight Champion. Trust me, trust me when I tell you that there is only one diamond in this business, and baby, you’re looking at him.
:But evolution always continues, and you have to look to the future. And I look to you, Dave Batista. 6'5&quot;, 325 pounds of genetic stopping power! Unbridled destruction! In a war, when all seems lost, you take out your biggest gun and you blow them all away.
:And Randy Orton. The business in his blood. Third-generation Superstar, the man has every gift a man can be given. Raw, raw genetic talent. Randy Orton is the diamond-''[correcting himself]'' Randy Orton is the coal that will be squeezed into the next diamond.
:You see, in life, everything happens for a reason. That's just the natural process of evolution. You see, and if you don't have what it takes, you will be left behind. So if you wake up one day, and you’re lying in a hospital bed, and you’re all beat up and you’re wondering to yourself what in the hell happened, then there's just one answer for you: Evolution has just passed you by.

=== February 24 ===

:''[from an exclusive interview, a few weeks after Goldust was electrocuted]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Goldust, let's get right to the heart of the matter, how are you feeling these days?
:'''Goldust''': Question is, after last week's beating, how are ''you'' feeling, JR?
:'''Jim''': Well...uh, I'll-I'll be all right, but I'm a whole lot more concerned about you and...give us an update.
:'''Goldust''': Well, I was electrocuted, you know, there's...you either die or you live, and, uh...happily, I lived, and-and hopefully soon I'll be back.
:'''Jim''': Your good friend Booker T said that, on a recent interview, that &quot;good ol' Goldie wasn't quite right&quot;. Uh, there's also been rumors abounding that, uh, you have some neurological challenges you're trying to overcome. How do you address those rumors?
:'''Goldust''': There's been a lot of rumors for a lot of years about Goldust not being &quot;right&quot;. As far as Booker T's concerned, he's my best friend. He's been my supporter. The fans have sup - ''[twitching]'' ooh, ooh, ooh - supported me through thick and thin.
:'''Jim''': Excuse me?
:'''Goldust''': Well, they've supported me. I feel good. I feel as good as...I feel - uhh, AHH! - as good as gold, I'm coming back - AHH!
:'''Jim''': Look, Goldust, I'm...I don't think - I don't think I'm going out on a limb here to say that, uh...there's something wrong here.
:'''Goldust''': Well, I-I think there's something wrong too, you know, the doctors don't - ooh, ooh - don't...don't...mmm...don't, don't really know what's wrong with me, you know. Uh, but they say as long as I take...take my medication that-that-that-that...that, uh, you know, everything will - AHH! - work it...work itself out, so...you know, that's - AY! - that's all I can say.
:'''Jim''': If you had the opportunity to say something to the two men that did this to you - Randy Orton and Batista - what would it be?
:'''Goldust''' ''[staring into the camera]'': Randy Orton and Batista...you don't know what it feels like to be on the edge of death...but when this is all over, said and done, you will ''never'' forget the name of - ''[inhales]'' - Goldust. ''[chomps]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''The Rock''' ''[singing and playing his guitar]'': ~Ever since the Rock came into town, everybody tried to bring him down, Canadians have no class, that's why they can kiss the People's ass.~
:''[suddenly the Hurricane appears before him. The Rock stops playing his guitar]''
:'''The Hurricane''': Holy letdown! The Rock! You used to be an idol, an icon; loved by millions...and millions! And yet tonight, you come out, and you trash the people! What's up wit dat?
:''[The Rock removes his shades, looks the Hurricane up and down, clears his throat and sets his guitar aside]''
:'''The Rock''': Who...in the ''green'' hell, are you? Oh, no you-no-no-no, don't answer that, ''[standing up]'' the Rock knows who you are! Oh yeah, the Rock knows exactly who you are! The green shirt, 'H' on your chest, green mask...why, you're the Hamburglar! Yeah, you're that cat that works for McDonald's! Go get me a cheeseburger, go get the Rock a cheeseburger, no ketchup! Ah-ah-ah, as a matter of fact, no-no, don't go nowhere! The Rock knows exactly who you are, yeah! Yeah, you're the resident superhero, the Hurricane! The Rock knows who you are, my man, yeah; don't you ever bust in the Rock's door like that again, you hear? Hey, but what's more importantly than that, let the Rock remind you of something: you ain't nothin'. You understand that? Every superhero can whip that ass, every single one of 'em! EVERY single one of 'em! Superman, Batman, Aquaman, oh yeah, Aquaman, that dude that talks to the fish, he'll whip that little candy ass, ''[snapping his fingers]'' just like that!
:'''The Hurricane''': Well, I know one superhero who I can definitely beat!
:'''The Rock''' ''[grinning, to himself]'': This is a joke. ''[to the Hurricane]'' Who?
:'''The Hurricane''': The Scorpion King!
:'''The Rock''': Oh, no you-! You, no-no-no - there is no WAY you can beat the Scorpion King, you don't-!
:'''The Hurricane''': ''Brendan Fraser'' beat the Scorpion King!
:'''The Rock''': Brenda-da-da-da, he did not, that was a special effect for the movie, for crying - the Scorpion King is the most powerful-
:'''The Hurricane''' ''[interrupting]'': Let me ask you one question, Rock, just one more: can the Rock...fly?
:'''The Rock''': ...you've been smokin' them funny cigarettes? The Rock gonna fly and whip that candy ass, the Rock-
:'''The Hurricane''': Well, good! Because tonight, the Hurricane is gonna send ''your'' candy ass flying over the top rope in that battle royal! ''[&quot;flies&quot; out of the room]''
:'''The Rock''': ...it was a special effect for the movie!

=== March 3 ===

:''[&quot;The Coach&quot;, Jonathan Coachman, knocks twice on the door to the Rock's locker room, microphone in hand. The Rock finally answers, while putting a stick of gum into his mouth]''
:'''Coach''': Hey, Rock, what's, what's goin' on-
:'''The Rock''' ''[interrupting]'': Are you...are you on crack, Coach? Are you on cr - wh-wh-what are you doing? What are you doing?
:'''Coach''': I just wanted to get a word with you before you go out tonight-
:'''The Rock''': You can't get a word with the Rock, that's not the way it works, you know that! You just don't, knock on the Rock's locker like that, the People's locker, you KNOW that! You already know that! ''[stammering]'' Hey, hey, d-do you have an *appointment* to speak to the Rock, is that it?
:'''Coach''': Rock, Rock, we go back-
:'''The Rock''': ''[stammering mockingly]'' Ah, shut up, Coach, let the Rock check the People's Palm Pilot! ''[holding up his hand]'' Ka-kow! ''[looking at his empty hand]'' How's Wednesday?
:'''Coach''': No, We-Wednesday doesn't work for me-
:'''The Rock''': Wednesday ''works''! You and your Rock-wannabe haircut, get out of the Rock's face! Who cut your hair? Ray Charles? Beat it! Wash ya ass! ''[Coach reluctantly leaves. The Rock goes back inside his locker room]'' Rock can't be ''dealing'' with that! The Rock has got a very big night; millions and millions of the Rock's fans waiting for him! ''[the crowd boos]'' The Rock said, millions and millions of the Rock's fans, waiting for him! ''[the crowd boos again, louder]'' Where's the Rock's guitar? The Rock has gotta soothe his soul, he's gotta sing a ''song''! ''[walks over to one of the curtains]'' The Rock's gotta sing a song, baby! Wh- ''[pulls the curtain back, only to see the Hurricane sitting in the closet behind the curtain]'' Heh...excuse the Rock one second. ''[closes the curtain, throws off his shades, ponders, and shakes his head, grinning]'' Nah. ''[chuckling]'' Nah. ''[turns back around and pulls back the curtain again. The Hurricane jumps out of the closet and stands on the other side of the Rock]''
:'''The Hurricane''': Holy...hypocrite! Just last week, you challenged Stone Cold Steve Austin to meet you, face-to-face, and yet this week, you got Eric Bischoff and his criminal committee doing all your dastardly work. What's up wit dat??
:'''The Rock''' ''[looking back to the curtain, then back at the Hurricane, clearing his throat]'': How long...have you been sitting in there? Huh? W-w-watching the Rock all night long, w-w-walking around here naked?! Oh, no, don't a - don't answer that, no-no-no, don't answer that! Tell you what. The Rock's glad you're here. The Rock's glad you're here, because - I wanted to talk to you. The Rock - the Rock, he was gonna go looking for you. Do you remember last week when you came, waltzin' in to the Rock's locker, you remember that? Yeah. And you talk - and you talk about how, how, how the Hurricane, could just whip the Scorpion King's ass! Yeah, you remember that? And you also talk, talk about how the Hurricane could just, could just gonna toss the Rock over the top rope, remember that? Well, if the Rock's memory serves him correctly, it was ''the Rock'' that tossed your little Hamburglar monkey ass right over the top rope. Remember that? Made you with all your friends; you had Grimace, and-and-and Mayor McCheese, Ronald McDonald, all them! Yeah! Remember that? More importantly than that, more importantly than that...when the Rock tossed you over the top rope, he was screaming something; the Rock was screaming something very important in your ear. Do you remember what the Rock was screaming?
:'''The Hurricane''': I remember you screaming. But it was when Booker T threw ''yo' '' ass over the top rope that you were screaming! ''[demonstrating how the Rock was thrown over the top rope]'' Like this!
:'''The Rock''': Don't do that. ''[The Hurricane demonstrates again]'' ''[stammering]'' No, none of that! Hey! Hey! ''[addressing the crowd]'' Hey-hey, stop cheering! ''[the crowd cheers loudly]'' Hey, he didn't throw - no, he didn't! You hear the Rock, he didn't throw - Booker T didn't throw the Rock over the top rope, the Rock ''tripped'' over the top rope, that's what happened. ''[to the crowd]'' Yeah, that's what happened! ''[the crowd boos]'' Oh, the Rock ''said'' that's what happened! ''[the crowd boos again]'' Let the Rock, l-l-let the Rock, let the Rock remind you of something! Let the Rock remind you of something: you ain't nothin'! You ain't nothin'! You ain't no superhero, not like the Scorpion King! You're 100 pounds of nothin'! 5-feet-nothin'! Oh, excuse the Rock one second, excuse the Rock, ''[taking his cell phone out of his pocket]'' his cell phone's goin' off! Oh, yeah! Oh... ''[&quot;answering&quot; his cell phone]'' Ka-kow, hello? Hey, it's Nothing, he says he knows you! ''[putting his cell phone back into his pocket]'' You're nothin'! ''[to the crowd]'' Oh, don't laugh at the Rock's jokes! ''[to the Hurricane]'' Cause you're nothin'! You're no - and, as a superhero... ''[chuckling]'' you've got braces! ''[The Hurricane begrudgingly smiles to reveal the braces on his teeth]'' You've got braces - what, wh-what are you, the president of student council? Is that what you're gonna do? What, are you gonna go sell band candy after the show? ''[laughing]'' Get your little Hamburglar green monkey ass out of the - before you leave, before you leave, before you go flyin' out, you do all that...uh, unrealistic crap, let the Rock remind you of something: the Rock, when he threw you over the top rope, he was saying to you, he was screaming to you, he was screaming to you, he said, hey! The greatest line, a superhero has ever said, the Scorpion King! He said, &quot;haku machente, da&quot;! &quot;Haku machente, ah!&quot;, do you remember that? Do you have any idea what that means? Do you have any idea, can you fathom, how-how enormous that is? Do you know what &quot;haku machente&quot; means?
:'''The Hurricane''': Well, apparently, from what I saw behind that curtain, it means &quot;the Scorpion King's got a tiny ding-a-ling&quot;!
:'''The Rock''' ''[horrified]'': AAHH!! AHH! No! No! Ahh! No - ''[stammering]'' - hey, whoa-whoa-whoa, I mean, there's a reason they call the Rock &quot;The Rock&quot;! Oh, yeah! ''[patting his leg]'' E-easy, big fella! Oh, yeah. Ah, no! No! That - ''[to the crowd]'' - stop laughing! ''[to the Hurricane, stammering]'' You know, I tell ya - how 'bout back to reality, a place that you clearly have no idea where that's at, because you are clearly insane? Let the Rock ask you this: what do - what do you want? What do you want?
:'''The Hurricane''': I'm here, Rock, because I figured you out. You're a coward! You're afraid of Steve Austin! You're afraid of Stone Cold! That's why you got Eric Bischoff to do all your dirty work today. You see, you talk a big game, and your gums, they do flap, but it would appear, that you're full of Brahma bull CRAP! ''[&quot;flies&quot; his way out of the Rock's locker room again]''
:'''The Rock''': Hey-hey-hey, the Rock ain't scared, of nobody! Nobody! ''[looking down at his pants]'' You are ''still'' the man! You are still, you are...

=== March 31 ===
:'''Jim Ross''': Glad you're happy about it. Folks, I'll tell you what, as long as I live, as long as I live, I'll never ver - gonna forget March 31, 2003 because, although Eric Bischoff has done the worst thing that any human being, he has, he has robbed Austin of his dreams, of his livelihood. And let me say this. And understand what I'm telling you. And I'm on record for this. Eric Bischoff is a no good, lousy, son of a bitch.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': Hey hey hey! Easy!
:'''Ross''': That's exactly what he is! And how he got Austin's records, I'll never know. But he's a no good bastard for what he did, for taking Austin right out of the ball game for medical reasons. He's ruined his dreams, he couldn't beat him, he can't find anybody to beat him, and this is what he's done! And he oughta burn in hell for it!

=== May 12 ===
:''[The Dudley Boyz just trashed 3-Minute Warning for almost beating up Classy Freddie Blassie, but....]''
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Whoa whoa whoa, stop it right there. Stop it right there. Classy Freddie Blassie got something he wants to say.
:'''Freddie Blassie''': D-Von, get the table!
:'''Austin''': You heard the man. D-Von get the table!!! ''[Dudleys prepare the table for Rico]''

=== July 14 ===
:''[After Kane sets Jim Ross on fire]''
:'''Eric Bischoff''' ''[walking out into the arena]'': Damn you, Steve Austin! Damn you anyway! How do you feel now? Are you proud of yourself now, Austin? How did that make you feel?! That wasn't Kane who put the match to Jim Ross! That wasn't Kane who poured gasoline on him! That wasn't Kane who set Jim Ross on fire, dammit! It was YOU! This is YOUR fault! Yours and yours alone! And I've got news for you; I got a call from Linda McMahon! Next week, in Los Angeles, in the ring you're standing in right now, she is going to fire your ass! Fire you! Damn you to hell anyway, Steve Austin! Damn, you, straight, to, hell!!! You rotten bastard!

=== December 8 ===
:''[Raw co-general manager Mick Foley stands in the ring with a clipboard as the crowd chants his name]''
:'''Mick''': You know, when I took over as co-general manager of ''Raw'', I did so with the intention of making things right. ''[the crowd cheers]'' Now if, at Armageddon, Ric Flair were to become involved in the Randy Orton-RVD match, well then that certainly would not be right. So I've decided that that matchup at Armageddon needs a special guest referee...
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Uh-oh.
:'''Mick''': ...and after consulting with myself for several hours I've decided that that special guest referee is going to be: me, Mick Foley.
:'''Jerry''': What?
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh, Mick!
:''[the crowd cheers]''
:'''Mick''': Thank you. Now, another thing I'd like to make right, is the reinstatement to ''Raw'' of Stone Cold Steve Austin. ''[the crowd cheers louder]''
:'''Jim''': He started that petition drive last week.
:'''Mick''': Last week, I brought out a petition; as of now, we have over half a million signatures saying, &quot;We want Stone Cold back on ''Raw''!&quot; ''[the crowd keeps cheering]''
:'''Jim''': It was on the Internet-
:'''Mick''': But we need more. So I brought out another petition, so that tonight, in Anaheim, California...
:''[suddenly he is interrupted by La Résistance's music, and René Duprée and Rob Conway make their way out to the ring, both brandishing French flags]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh, wait a minute.
:'''Jim''': La Résistance. And La Résistance, of course, were embarrassed and humiliated last week, being fired for a few minutes because, well, they - they didn't recite the Pledge of Allegiance for the flag of the United States of America!
:'''Jerry''': Well, René didn't. That was great, Mick Foley tried to make La Résistance say the Pledge of Allegiance. Well, they're killing Mick Foley's buzz here, what are they - what are they doing out here?
:'''Jim''': They earn their money in this country, why can't they...do the right thing? I mean - Conway's not French, he's a French sympathizer!
:'''Jerry''' ''[as Conway takes a mic]'': Speaking of the right thing, look at - look at Foley's shoes!
:'''Rob''': Hold on...you say you're out here to make things right? ''[the crowd starts a &quot;USA&quot; chant]'' You call humiliating us last week on live TV &quot;making things right&quot;?
:'''René''' ''[taking the mic]'': Well, you're not right! Look at you, Mick Foley, you're nothing but a joke! ''[to the crowd]'' And America is a joke as well!
:''[the crowd boos]''
:'''Jerry''': Wait a minute.
:'''René''': You really think if the French would have gone to Iraq, we would not have found the weapons of mass destruction? Hell, the war would have been over!
:'''Jim and Jerry''': What?!
:'''René''': Because everybody knows that the French are not only better lovers...we are better fighters as well.
:'''Jim''': Come on!
:'''Rob''': You see, Mick, Eric Bischoff had assured us that our jobs are safe. So it's our turn to humiliate ''you'', starting with you saluting the French flag...
:''[the crowd boos]''
:'''Jerry''': Oh, come on!
:'''Rob''': ...right here, right now!
:'''Jerry''': Like, Eric Bischoff said their jobs are safe?
:'''René''': And if you don't, ''je te pitié, mon ami'', we will intro you to a beating, French-style.
:'''Mick''': Wait a second, let me get this straight: you want me to salute the French flag, right here, right now? ''[looks to the crowd, who boos and tries to dissuade him]''
:'''Jerry''': Let's make a bet on that!
:'''Mick''': Listen, wait-wait, you know...I have - I have nothing against French things. I-I like French fries...I like, I like French toast...
:'''Jerry''': Yeah!
:'''Mick''': I like, I even like French's mustard!
:'''Jerry''': Ah!
:'''Mick''': But I don't like ''you''. ''[pointing his finger at Duprée and backing him into a corner]'' So if you think you're gonna beat the crap out of me, you go ahead, but I sure as hell am not gonna stand here in Anaheim, California - ''[the crowd cheers loudly]'' - of the United States of America, and salute that damn flag! You think you can beat the crap out of me, you bring it on now, but I'm not saluting the French flag!
:'''René''': Well, ''c'est la vie'', Mick Foley! We have no problem with, how do you say, kicking your ass! ''[he and Conway drop their flags]''
:'''Mick''': Bring it on! ''[both he and Duprée drop their mics]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh, look out now!
:'''Jim''' ''[as La Résistance back Foley into a corner]'' : It's two-on-one here!
:'''Jerry''': There goes Mick's suit!
:''[suddenly, the Rock's music hits and the crowd begins to cheer]''
:'''Jim''': What?
:'''Jerry''': What?!
:'''Jim''': WHAT? WHAT??
:'''Jerry''': What the hell is this, JR?!
:'''Jim''': What the hell is-
:''[The Rock comes out to a loud ovation]''
:'''Jerry''': AAAHHH!!
:'''Jim''': My God! Oh my God, it's the Rock!!
:'''Jerry''': The Rock!!
:'''Jim''' ''[as the Rock makes his way to the ring]'': The Great One is here!! And he's all-American!
:'''Jerry''': The Rock!
:'''Jim''': My God, these fans are on their feet! We are live in Anaheim! This is electrifying!
:'''Jerry''': I - I can't believe what I'm seeing, JR! It's the Rock!
:'''Jim''': Mick Foley was about to be - about to be assaulted by La Résistance, these, these Frenchmen!
:'''Jerry''': Look at these fans!
:'''Jim''': The roar of this crowd, ladies and gentlemen, is just deafening here!
:'''Jerry''' ''[as the Rock takes a mic]'': JR, it's the Rock!
:'''Jim''': I can't...I can't believe what I'm seeing! ''[the music stops and the crowd does a &quot;Rocky&quot; chant before continuing cheering]'' Man, this is a ''Raw'' moment.
:''[after a moment of taking in the cheers, the Rock finally holds up his mic]''
:'''The Rock''': Finally... The Rock has come back to Anaheim!
:'''Jerry''': Oh yes! It's the Rock!
:'''The Rock''': See, let the Rock clear something up, the Rock came out here tonight to surprise his friend Mick Foley; the Rock came out to surprise, the millions...
:'''The crowd''': And millions!
:'''The Rock''': ...of the Rock's fans...but see, the Rock is a little confused; he's confused, you see, because the Rock knows everybody here. The Rock knows Mick Foley, the Rock knows the people... ''[the crowd cheers loudly]'' ...the Rock knows Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross...
:'''Jerry''': Hey-hey!
:'''The Rock''': Yeah. Yeah. The Rock knows Lilian Garcia! ''[Lilian waves at the Rock]'' How you doing, honey?
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh!
:'''The Rock''': You still like the strudel?
:'''Jerry''': Oh! ''[Lilian smiles sheepishly and the Rock laughs]'' How else does the Rock know Lilian?
:''[the crowd starts a &quot;Rocky&quot; chant again]''
:'''The Rock''': The Rock knows every - ''[gesturing to the cameraman in the corner]'' - the Rock knows Marty, the cross-dressing cameraman right here, he knows him. ''[indicating the cameraman]'' Don't worry, your secret's safe with the Rock; you see, the Rock, the Rock doesn't know, the Rock doesn't know two people. The Rock doesn't know you two. So help the Rock. Tell the Rock, exactly, who in the blue hell are you two French popcorn farts anyway?
:'''Jerry''': Ahh!
:'''The Rock''' ''[as Duprée starts to reply]'': It doesn't matter who you are!! ''[the crowd cheers]'' You thi - you actually think the Rock gives a monkey's nutsack what Pepé Le Pew number 1 and number 2 have to say?
:'''Jerry''': Pepé Le Pew?!
:'''The Rock''': You come out here running your mouth, running your mouth to Mick Foley about how you're gonna beat him French-style? What the hell is that, what are you gonna do, French kiss him to death, is that what you're gonna do? Look at you two - the Rock knows, the Rock knows you two are little Fifi, anyway!
:'''Jerry''': Fifi??
:'''Jim''': What was that, &quot;Fifi&quot;?
:''[the crowd begins a &quot;Fifi&quot; chant]''
:'''Jerry''': Fifi chant!
:'''Jim''': La Résistance didn't like that a bit.
:'''The Rock''': The Rock asks you, come out here running your French mouths, let the Rock ask you one question: how's your lips? ''[Duprée and Conway look confused]''
:'''Jerry''': Lips?
:'''The Rock''': How's your lips?; how do you like your lips? You like 'em where they are?, because if you keep running your mouth, the Rock and Mick Foley are gonna slap your lips right off your French faces! And there'll be two sets of lips laying right here, flopping around like fish, and, hold on a second, you're gonna - ''[talking without his lips]'' you're gonna be like that - ''[back to normal]'' and what the Rock is gonna do, the Rock and Mick Foley are gonna pick up your French lips, and make you kiss our American asses! 
:''[the crowd cheers and starts another &quot;USA&quot; chant]''
:'''Jerry''': JR, this is the greatest - look at the fun these fans are having!
:'''Jim''': This is ''Monday Night Raw'', man, everybody's having a great time tonight!
:'''The Rock''': And let the Rock tell you one more thing -
:'''René''': No, no, no, no, no more &quot;one thing&quot;, you listen to me, Rocky! ''[the crowd boos]'' You show us some respect, ''tout de suite''! Because this Sunday at Armageddon, at the Tag Team Turmoil, ''Rocky'', me and my partner Robért Conway are gonna become the new World Tag Team Champions. How do you like that, Rocky?
:'''The Rock''': First of all, Frenchy, I am not &quot;Rocky&quot;! The name, is the Rock! And - and here's another thing; oh, the Rock knows about Armageddon, the Rock is excited about Armageddon! Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah, yeah! But see, you two, you two candyasses, you're not gonna win the tag team titles, you know why? Number 1: you're French. Number 2: you suck, exactly.
:'''Jerry''': French ''and'' they suck! They would probably surrender before the match starts!
:'''The Rock''': And here's another thing: you actually had the nerve to say the French army went to Iraq, they would've found weapons of mass destruction, the war would've been over? That what you said? Well, let the Rock explain this, let me, the Ro-Rock explain this: you see, the French army would've went into Iraq, would've went to Russia, China, if the French army would've come right here to Orange County, the exact same thing - the exact same thing would've happened. The French general would've walked right up to the enemy and would've said this: ''[speaking in mock French accent]'' &quot;Oh, we are so sorry! We are so sorry! Oh, don't hurt us, no-no-no-no-no, we so sorry! Oh, we make you crème brûlée! You like to pet our poodle?&quot;
:'''Jerry''': Poodle?!
:'''The Rock''': See, so you understand, the only thing strong about the French army is their damn body odor.
:'''Jim''': Ooh!
:'''The Rock''': And I'll tell you what, you run your mouth, you wanna beat up on Mick Foley or try to beat on Mick Foley, two-on-one, well now, live on ''Raw'', you can try and show us how tough you are, two-on-''two''!
:'''Jim''': Oh my, here we go!
:'''Jerry''': Here we go!
:'''Jim''': Now you're talkin'!
:'''Mick''': And mark my words, you don't wanna mess with the Sock &amp; Rock Connection!
:'''Jerry''': Oh no, no - not ''that'' again, JR!
:'''The Rock''': You damn right, you bet your ass - ''[turning to Foley]'' what did you just say?
:'''Mick''': The Sock and Rock...
:'''The Rock''': No, no, no, no, Mick...thank you, it's the ''Rock'' and Sock Connection!
:'''Jerry''': Oh!
:''[Duprée and Conway begin attacking the Rock and Foley]''
:'''Jim''': Oh, wait!
:'''Jerry''': Look at this!
:'''Jim''': La Résistance has heard all the talking! A cheap shot on the Rock! One on Foley! And here we go!
:'''Jerry''': These French guys are nuttier than I thought, I can't believe that they're doing this!
:''[Duprée and Conway throw the Rock over the top rope]''
:'''Jim''': The Rock thrown over the top rope to the outside, and Mick Foley now trying to fight off two men; La Résistance hammering Mick Foley back to the corner! René...René Duprée and Rob Conway, stomping the hell out of Mick Foley!
:'''Jerry''': This is not right! These French are supposed to suck!
:''[The Rock comes back into the ring]''
:'''Jim''': Bischoff gave these men permission to assault Foley, and here comes the Rock!
:''[The Rock clotheslines Conway, then turns his attention to Duprée]''
:'''Jerry''': Look at this!
:'''Jim''' ''[as the Rock chops on Duprée]'' : The Rock, opening up on right hands! ''[The Rock clotheslines Duprée over the top rope]'' The Brahma Bull just beheaded René Dupree!
:'''Jerry''' ''[as the Rock then grabs Conway]'': It's vintage Rock! Are you ready? ''[Conway gets hit with the Rock Bottom]'' Rock Bottom!
:'''Jim''': The Rock Bottom! ''[as Conway rolls out of the ring, Duprée comes back in and knocks down the Rock from behind]'' And up from behind! Duprée again! ''[Duprée does a little dance in the ring]'' And the arrogant, cocky young Frenchman!
:'''Jerry''': Oh, no!
:'''Jim''': What a stupid dance! ''[suddenly the Rock kips back up and stands behind Duprée]'' And the Rock is up!
:'''Jerry''': Look at this!
:'''Jim''' ''[as the Rock goes back on the attack]'' Right hands by the Rock! And Duprée is reeling!
:'''Jerry''' ''[as the Rock hits a big right hand in the corner]'': Ohh!
:'''Jim''': Another big right hand, by the Brahma Bull!
:''[Foley is back up as he then puts Mr. Socko on his right hand]''
:'''Jerry''': I bet the Rock is gonna -
:'''Jim''': Oh no!
:'''Jerry''': Aahhh!
:''[Foley gives Duprée the Mandible Claw with Mr. Socko on his hand]''
:'''Jim''': Socko! Socko! ''[Foley pushes Duprée over to the Rock, who then hits him with a spinebuster]'' That Mandible Claw and the spinebuster slam!
:'''Jerry''': Whoa, wait a minute...are we gonna see it here one more time on ''Raw''?
:'''Jim''': This huge crowd here in Anaheim -
:'''Jerry''': Yes! It's the most electrifying move in all of sports entertainment - ''[The Rock hits the People's Elbow on Duprée]'' - the People's Elbow!
:'''Jim''': The People's Elbow found its mark! The Rock &amp; Sock Conne - oh, wait a minute! ''[Conway runs back into the ring, only to be hit with a spinebuster as well]'' Another spinebuster! It's not over yet!
:'''Jerry''': These French punks won't quit! ''[Foley is volunteering to the Rock to get the next hit]'' Oh, no, wait a minute! It's Foley's turn! Yeah, go ahead!
:'''Jim''': Well, they are the Rock &amp; Sock Connection! Mick Foley...
:'''Jerry''' ''[as Foley runs back and forth between the ropes]'': It's the most awkward, unathletic-looking...
:''[Foley then hits Mr. Elbow on Conway, down low]''
:'''Jim''': Oh, down there in the nether lands! Mick Foley dropped that elbow, it wasn't artistic, but it was effective!
:''[Foley pics the mic back up as Conway rolls back out of the ring in pain; the crowd does a &quot;Rocky&quot; chant]''
:'''Jerry''': This is amazing!
:'''Mick''': You two clowns...you two clowns better run...if you smell, la-la-la-la -
:''[The Rock snatches the mic from Foley's hand as Lawler is chuckling audibly]''
:'''The Rock''': The Rock's got a lot of love for you, Mick; don't you ''ever'', and the Rock means ''ever'', steal the Rock's catchphrases.
:'''Jerry''' ''[as the Rock poses for his catchphrase]'': This is the way you do it right here.  It's patented, it's trademark!
:'''The Rock''': ...if you smeeellll, la-la-la-la-laowww, what the Rock is cooking! ''[drops the mic]''
:'''Jerry''': Oh, yeah!
:'''Jim''' ''[as the Rock and Foley pose for the crowd]'': The Rock and Sock Connection, making their presence felt, on these arrogant and quite unprofessional La Résistance members!
:'''Jerry''': Boy, ''Monday Night Raw'' can certainly smell what the Rock is cook - can you believe it, JR? The Rock's on ''Raw''!
:'''Jim''': And it's all live, before your very eyes; that's why ''Monday Night Raw'' is the flagship of the WWE! The Rock and Sock Connection, what a reunion tonight!
:'''Jerry''': Unbeliev - uh-oh.
:''[The Rock picks up Foley's clipboard from the canvas and proceeds to sign the petition before walking out]''
:'''Jim''': And look at the Rock, he's signing that petition...
:'''Jerry''': Yes! To bring back Stone Cold Steve Austin!
:'''Jim''': The Rock signed the petition to bring back the Texas Rattlesnake! What a moment!
:'''Jerry''': What a night!
:'''Jim''': And this night is far from over! The Great One, the Rock, the Rock &amp; Sock Connection! The Rock surprised all of us; what a shocker!

===December 15===
:''[Evolution is on the stage with all the championships they won at Armageddon the night prior]''
:'''Triple H''': All along, I promised you that Evolution would change the face of sports entertainment. ''[crowd boos]'' Last night, at Armageddon, Evolution fulfilled that promise! Because in one night, in one clean sweep, we took all the gold. ''[looks at Randy Orton]'' Intercontinental Champion, ''[looks at Ric Flair and Batista]'' World Tag Team Champions, and World Heavyweight Champion. ''[raises World Heavyweight Championship]'' And Goldberg, all your fans, they all wanted to believe the hype. But let me explain to you like this: I'm Triple H, I am The Game, and with me, ''[laughs]'' with me, there is no hype necessary. Tonight, everybody learns to live under Evolution's golden rule. And that is, we have all the gold, so we make all the rules. ''[Evolution raises their respective championships]''

==2004==
===February 16===
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': It turns out Eric Bischoff made a decision regarding the World title at WrestleMania, but I guess, uh, he was too afraid to come out here and tell you to your face because maybe he might piss you off. But since I don't give a rat's ass what you think, I'll come out here and make the announcement myself. So for the first time in history, the World Heavyweight Championship will be decided at WrestleMania, Madison Square Garden, March 14, in a Triple Threat match.
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What?! What?!
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh my god!
:'''Austin''': Triple H versus Chris Benoit versus Shawn Michaels. And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!

===February 23===
:''[Vince McMahon is choking Eric Bischoff outside the ring as Stone Cold Steve Austin watches]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Hey wait, what the hell?!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': What? ''[Brock Lesnar is in the ring standing behind Austin]'' Oh my god!
:'''Ross''': My god it's, it's Brock Lesnar!
:'''Lawler''': Austin! Look behind you!
:'''Ross''': ''[Lesnar lifts Austin up on his shoulders]'' Stone Cold up!
:'''Lawler''': Oh!
:'''Ross''': Lesnar! ''[Lesnar delivers an F5 to Austin]'' Brock Lesnar from ''SmackDown!'' just F5'd the hell out of Stone Cold! Lesnar's got no business being here! This is not ''SmackDown!'', this is ''Raw''!
:'''Lawler''': What the?! I cannot believe this! Brock Lesnar F5'd Stone Cold Steve Austin! What does this mean?!
:'''Ross''': What the hell is going on?! What is Lesnar doing here?! Brock Lesnar, from behind! It's Lesnar standing over Austin! My god what has, what has happened here?! What has happened here??!

===May 24===
:''[Eric Bischoff has had enough of Triple H and Shawn Michaels, who are being restrained by other wrestlers from mauling each other in the ring]''
:'''Eric Bischoff''': That is it, that is enough! Triple H, Shawn Michaels...at Bad Blood, it is going to be has a.. ''[Triple H breaks out and attacks Shawn and the wrestlers still push to stop them]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': Well. look out! 
:'''Jim Ross''': Triple H breaking loose before Bischoff had to finish what he was gonna say.
:'''Lawler''': Triple H is a man of his word. He said he's gonna destroy Michaels here tonight, he'll do it!
:'''Bischoff''': ENOUGH!! ''[everybody stops]'' At Bad Blood, it will be Triple H versus Shawn Michaels... HELL... IN A CELL!!!
:'''Lawler''': Oh boy!
:'''Ross''': Oh my God, oh my- that's what Michaels wanted! Hell in a Cell!!

== 2005 ==
=== February 21 ===

:'''Triple H''': Can you believe this?
:'''Ric Flair''': No.
:'''Triple H''': It's supposed to be the biggest night in Batista's career. It's supposed to be the biggest night in the history of Evolution, Ric. This is the first night, this is where it all happens. You and I are gonna run this business, and it all starts tonight. After everything we've done for him, and tonight of all nights, he has the guts to be over two hours late?
:'''Ric''': Champ, you have bent over backwards for him! You created Batista! You made him! You put him in a position to make a huge amount of impact on this industry! You did it!
:'''Triple H''': I've done more than you even know.
:'''Ric''': You have?
:'''Triple H''': Yeah.
:'''Ric''': Like what? Stuff I don't know?
:'''Triple H''': You know how hard it is to get footage from ''SmackDown!'' of JBL and Big Show, and get it put into ''Raw''? It's not easy. And do you know how hard it is to find a white limousine and get those ''stupid'' big horns put on the front to make Dave think that JBL was trying to run him over?
:'''Ric''': Wait, wait, wait, wait, ''you'' orchestrated that last week, the limousine almost running over Dave?
:'''Triple H''': Hey, relax, relax, hold on. Now, it's not like I was trying to have him killed. I was just trying to light a fire under him, for his own good. Listen, sometimes, Dave is not smart enough to know what's good for him. Just trying to ensure that he made the right decision tonight ''[Ric's jaw drops]'' and went to ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Ric''': Oh...my...God, there have been times when I thought you were a genius, I've even told people you were a genius, but now, I know you're a genius! God, that's the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life! You know that?! Oh my God, WOO! WOO! No wonder they call you the Cerebral Assassin! Champ, that's the greatest move I've ever seen, and I've been around a long time.
:'''Triple H''': Ric! Yeah, it's a great plan, but it's all for nothing if the big idiot gets here tonight and decides to be selfish and stay on ''Raw''. Batista needs to do what's right for Evolution. What's right for Evolution is right for Batista, and what's right for Batista is for him to go to ''SmackDown!''. ''[Camera begins pulling back]'' Now, when he gets here, we need to make sure...
:'''Ric''': You are clever beyond the word &quot;clever.&quot; You are a gen... You may be the most intelligent human being I've ever met in my life.
:''[As Ric speaks, it is revealed that Batista has been listening outside the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eric Bischoff''': Batista, before you...you make any decisions, there's a couple things I want to say. By signing this contract, two things are going to happen. First and foremost, you remain with ''Raw'', the flagship program, the #1 brand in all of sports entertainments, and the brand that made you a superstar. ''Raw'' is a brand that'll give your career stability, because unlike ''other'' general managers ''[looks at Theodore Long]'', my job is not in jeopardy. But more importantly, by signing this contract, it means that you'll face Triple H one-on-one for the Heavyweight Title at WrestleMania! It's the dream of every superstar in our business, to face Triple H, a man who is arguably one of the biggest names in the history of our industry. A man that, even the Nature Boy, he says it best. Ric Flair says it best: to be the man, you gotta beat that man, Triple H! ''[Triple H shakes his head at Batista]'' And this is your opportunity. So Batista, this isn't really a question. It's a simple thing. Sign the contract, reach your dreams.
:'''Theodore Long''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, just a minute. Just a minute. Now, Batista, actually, there is a choice. Now, you can sign ''this'' contract and come to ''SmackDown!''. Now, we all... You can't tell me that you didn't feel the electricity when you walked out on No Way Out last night. Now, we all saw what you could do to the WWE Champion, JBL. We also saw the magic when you stared John Cena in the eye.
:Now think about this, Batista. John Cena, Batista, the two hottest commodities in the WWE on the same show. In fact, you two could start your own rivalry. It could be the biggest rivalry since Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. Now, not only is it JBL and John Cena waiting for you at ''SmackDown!'', it's Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle. And think about this: one day, it could be Batista one-on-one with the Undertaker!
:But you know something, player? In order for this to happen, you have to sign ''this'' contract. Now, you beat JBL, you beat John Cena in a Triple Threat Match at WrestleMania 21, and I assure you that your career will blow up on ''SmackDown!''. Now, it's time for you to make that decision, player.
:''[Theodore hands the contract to Batista, who now holds both. He grabs the pen on the ''SmackDown!'' contract]''
:'''Triple H''': Dave, this shouldn't be a very difficult decision for you, 'cause there's really only one person that you need to listen to. See, because it's not ''[looks at Eric]'' what's best for ''Raw'', ''[turns to Theodore]'' and it's not about what's best for ''SmackDown!''. It's about one thing, big man. It's about what's best for you. It's about what's best for Batista, man. And I don't want you to worry about Ric and myself, 'cause hey, what's best for Batista will be best for Evolution.
:I want you to picture something, Dave. Imagine this. It's WrestleMania 21, it's all said and done, and I'm standing in the middle of this ring ''still'' the World Heavyweight Champion, and standing right next to me is the new WWE Champion, Batista. Think about it, Dave. We would rule the world. We would answer to no one, man. Everything we ever dreamed of. You know how big that is?
:Think about it like this. It's 1986, the Four Horsemen are running wild, Ric Flair is the NWA Champion! But what if...what if Arn Anderson were the WWE Champion, huh? They would've been unstoppable. But it never happened.
:Think about it like this. DX in our prime, on top of our game, Shawn Michaels is the WWE Champion! What if I had been the WCW Champion? We could have written history. You see that, Dave? But it never happened. You and I, you and I have an opportunity to make history, and we owe it to ourselves to do it.
:Now, Dave, I don't want you to be concerned about Bradshaw, I don't want you to be concerned about Cena, because I know deep inside of my heart, you could beat both those guys at the same time like that. You see, Dave, we have an opportunity to do the greatest thing that has ever been done in this industry. We owe it to ourselves, we owe it to the world, you and I, to walk that aisle with the &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair, side-by-side, owning this business.
:Doesn't seem like a difficult decision to me at all, Dave. It really doesn't. And I've got a feeling...you know what you want to do, big man. Don't you? You know what you want to do.
:'''Batista''': Hunter, I've known what I was gonna do for a long time.
:''[Batista looks at the contracts and throws the ''Raw'' contract to the ground. Eric lowers his head in sadness. Triple H and Ric cheer Batista, giving him thumbs up. Batista gives one right back, then slowly turns it down. He attacks both, tossing Ric out of the ring]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Ooh, Batista!
:'''Jerry''': What is he doing?!
:'''Jim Ross''': My god, Batista, the thumbs-down to the world's champion! Evolution's Animal!
:'''Jerry''' He almost took Triple H's head off, and he's dumped Naitch out of the ring! Wait a minute! ''[Batista sets Triple H up...]'' Wait a minute, Batista, what are you doing?! If you do this, there's no turning back! No!
:''[Batista powerbombs Triple H through the table]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh my God Almighty! What a big powerbomb through the table! The world's champion through the table!
:''[Batista picks up the ''Raw'' contract and signs it over Triple H's prone body]''
:'''Batista''': Hunter, I'm staying right here on ''Raw'', and at WrestleMania, I'm taking the World Championship... ''[tosses contract clipboard at HHH]'' from you!
:'''Jim Ross''': Well, the deal is done. The untamed spirit of the animal known as Batista has made his decision. Batista will stay on ''Raw'', and Batista will go to WrestleMania 21. And if the deal is set and granted, Batista will come for the world's title against The Game, and it's gonna happen at WrestleMania 21.

=== February 28 ===
:'''Chris Jericho''': I came out here with an agenda tonight, to make a statement. And the reason is that WrestleMania 21 is less than five weeks away. We've already announced some of the biggest matches in Mania history. From Batista vs. Triple H for the World Championship, from Cena to JBL for the WWE Championship, Michaels has challenged Angle, Hogan's in the Hall of Fame, Stone Cold Steve Austin on ''Piper's Pit''. Everybody wants to make an impact, so do I; everybody wants to be a part of history, so do I. I have an idea for a match to do that. {{W|Money in the Bank ladder match|It's a match that involves Y2J, five other elite WWE Superstars, a chance of a lifetime, and most importantly, one very big solid steel ladder.}}

=== May 16 ===
:''[Jonathan Coachman and Eric Bischoff have just shut down Chris Benoit and Tajiri's ECW Rules match]''
:'''Jonathan Coachman''': Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it! Stop this match right now! General Manager Eric Bischoff has been informed about what's going on out here. So the Coach would suggest that you climb down off that ladder, Chris Benoit, and listen up.
:''[Eric Bischoff's music hits and Eric Bischoff shows up]''
:'''Eric Bischoff''': Thank you, Coach. I wish I would've listened to you a little earlier because apparently, you two arranged for this match while I was busy attending other matters. Well, Benoit, you can get down off that ladder because I am officially ending this match right now! ''[audience boos]'' Look! Look! I never sanctioned any ECW match and I never would because ECW is pure garbage. As a matter of fact, from this moment on, I am banning ECW from ''Raw''. Oh, listen up! It will not be chanted in the building. It will not be discussed in the locker room. And then, if I see one ECW sign in my building, I will have it confiscated! And to make my point, I'm going to prohibit anybody from the Raw roster from participating at ECW's One Night Stand. Hell, I am going to ban the letters ECW from ''Raw''. And let me be perfectly clear, the only participation Raw is going to have at ECW's One Night Stand is when I personally show up with my volunteered group of Raw superstars and put an end to ECW once and for all.

=== August 8 ===

:'''Jim Ross''': What do you think about Mr. McMahon rehiring Matt Hardy?
:'''Edge''': JR, what do I think about Vince McMahon's decision, Mr. McMahon's decision to rehire Matt Hardy? You know what? I think it's genius. Yeah. It's a moneymaking match. Here's a little known fact, though. You see, I actually went to Vince and I asked him to rehire Matt. Yeah. You see, because, with what I want to do to Matt Hardy, if I did that on the streets, what I'm gonna do at SummerSlam, I'd be in jail. You see, at SummerSlam, you're gonna witness legalized assault. Which is why I resent us being sequestered into this dressing room. You know, Matt Hardy has been re-signed to ''Raw'' and the lunatic is running around. Well, ''he's'' the one out of control, not me. But that's fine, that's cool, and Eric Bischoff wants to put security guards on the door, to protect us. We don't need the protection, he does! So I'm gonna ask them to leave, I want them to go. Yeah. I want them to get out of here, because Matt, I'm begging, I'm PLEADING, I want you to come in here. Come into the dressing room, come on BARGING in. Because you know what'll happen? You'll probably ''[mockingly]'' break down and have yourself a little cry, won't you Matt?
:You see, I saw your promo last week, Matt, and I think it was PATHETIC! It was absolutely pathetic, after all the months of dragging our names through the mud, our personal lives out there for everyone to see, AND THAT'S ALL YOU CAN MUSTER UP FROM YOUR STOMACH, FROM YOUR GUTS?! Well, my hands are shaking and it's from hate, it's from real emotion, Matt! ''[Points at his eyes]'' This is passion, this is intensity! This is real!
:I see why Lita left you for me. You know, you said last week you wanted me to get into a car accident. You see, for me, it's the opposite. I want you to be nice and safe, Matt. You get in the car and you strap that seat belt in tight. I want you 100%. Because at SummerSlam, I'm going to prove that you don't measure up to me as a man to me in any way. In any way. You whined and complained, and you bitched and moaned last week saying Lita was the girl of your dreams. You wanted to marry her. Matt, you were with her for six years but you never proposed. So let me fill in the blanks here, I figured it out. You see, nobody comes before Matt Hardy and his &quot;wrestling legacy.&quot; I heard you say it! Nothing comes before V1.
:So with that being said, Matt, you should thank me. It sounds strange, but you should thank me. You see, you've never gotten reactions like this before in your career. You're in the main event picture now, and why? Why? Because you're riding my coattails in. Yeah. You see, when you were defending the Cruiserweight Championship, running around with your little MFers, me, I was fighting Kurt Angle. Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, I EARNED MY MAIN EVENT STRIPES! I deserve to be where I am. And why are you here? Because your girlfriend fell in love with a main eventer. Yeah. So Matt Hardy, the main event spotlight, it's shining on ya! Your 15 minutes in the spotlight, it's shining on ya, and I know it feels good. Well, we're 13 minutes into it and time is slowly ticking away. And at SummerSlam, Matt, I end it. Now I know that cuts close to the bone, I know it does, and I know it hurts. The truth usually does.

=== October 10 ===
:''[Everybody in the locker room gives Triple H the cold stare over turning on Ric Flair the week before, and he chances upon John Cena]''
:'''John Cena''': I don't know you, I ain't gonna judge you, but after last week, you lost some respect.
:'''Triple H''': ''[tries to walk away but gets back to Cena]'' You know, if I were you, the last thing I'd want to do is get my attention, you know what I mean? 
:'''John Cena''': You know me. You want some? ''[taps WWE Championship]'' Come get some!
:'''Triple H''': Don't you worry. When I want some, ''[angrily points to title]'' I'll take it! ''[leaves]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Linda McMahon appears after Vince and Stephanie fail to force JR to apologize over supporting Steve Austin as he Stunnered the McMahons the week before at Raw's USA Network return]''
:'''Linda McMahon''': ''[rebuffing Vince's assurance that they got the situation under control]'' Well, Vince as your devoted wife and Stephanie, as your mother, I just simply cannot let the two of you continue this way. Last week, when we returned to USA Network, it was a wonderful opportunity for a new beginning for the entire McMahon family. It was a chance for a clean slate. The only way to garner respect from people is not, Vince, by yelling and screaming, or Steph, by pitching a fit. It's by taking action. ''[to JR]'' So, JR, on behalf of the entire ''[looks at Vince and Stephanie]'' McMahon family... ''[long pause] YOU'RE FIRED!! [gives JR a low blow as Vince and Stephanie gleefully mock him bawled over]''

=== November 14 ===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Eddie Guerrero has passed away. Eddie was in the prime of his life, 38 years old, the prime of his career. So tonight, we celebrate the life of Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero loved this business. He loved it, he had a passion for it like no one else. Eddie loved to perform more than anything else, whether he was booed or whether he was cheered, he loved to perform for all of you. Eddie's goal every night, Eddie's goal every night was to steal the show. So tonight there's no doubt in anyone's mind that Eddie would want the show to go on and, so it shall tonight as we pay tribute to the memory of Eddie Guerrero. At this time, I would ask you all to stand in silence as we toll the bell 10 times, after which, there'll be a special video presentation. So if you would all please stand. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shawn Michaels''': My memories of Eddie Guerrero have nothing to do with wrestling, nothing to do with the ring, because I never wrestled the man. It's all about faith. Eddie and I had a lot of wonderful talks about our faith, we were both born-again Christians, and the one thing I do know, we are assured of, that Eddie's last breath here was his first breath in eternity; and Eddie Guerrero and &quot;The Heartbreak Kid&quot; Shawn Michaels will someday get to wrestle in what is the very biggest stage of them all and it isn't WrestleMania, it is in the heavenlies in front of a crowd of one, and that is the lord of lords and the king of kings, Jesus Christ. And I want to thank Eddie Guerrero for always being there to be able to share that common faith with and to let him know that he did something that nobody has ever been able to do in the history of this business, and that is bring everybody in the WWE, from the top man to the bottom guy, bring them all together in prayer in the name of Jesus, and Eddie Guerrero left his last and greatest witness here with us today. And Eddie, I want to say God bless you and I will see you again, my friend.

== 2006 ==

=== May 1 ===
:''[After Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler humiliates Joey Styles on Raw]''
:'''Jerry''': Let me just say this: uh, during the break, I apologized to the fans here; right now, I wanna take this opportunity to apologize to you, Joey Styles, my fault, just trying to have a little fun, it got out of hand! I'm sorry, come back out and let's finish the rest of this show. My bad. Come on, Joey. ''[the crowd cheers]'' Come on, Joey! Come on back out here! ''[as Joey marches back out into the arena]'' Come on.
:''[Joey stands on the ramp and does not return to the desk]''
:'''Joey''': You want to apologize? Like nothing happened. Like you didn't knock me on my ass in front of millions of people worldwide, and I'm gonna come down there and work with you? I'm not coming back, and now, thanks to the magic of live television, I’m gonna show the whole world why for seven years in ECW, I was the unscripted, uncensored, loose cannon of commentary! Six months ago, WWE called ''me''! I didn’t call this company because I was looking for a job. I didn’t need a job. WWE called ''me'', because they had humiliated and fired, ''again,'' Jim Ross. So I get JR’s spot, and from WEEK ONE, week after week, I've got an ongoing lecture about the differences in professional wrestling and sports entertainment. I'm not allowed to say &quot;pro wrestling&quot;, I'm not allowed to say &quot;wrestler&quot;; I have to say &quot;sports entertainment&quot;, and refer to the wrestlers as &quot;superstars&quot;. I'm told to deliberately ignore the moves and the holds during the matches so I can tell stories. Well, ignoring the moves and the holds is damn insulting to the athletes, the ''wrestlers'', not the entertainers, who leave their families 300 days a year to ply their craft in that ring! Here’s the best part. Because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller, I get pulled from WrestleMania, and the reason I’m given is, is because I don’t sound like Jim Ross, who’s the guy they fired in the first place, that makes sense, right? So I swallow the bitter pill, I’m a company guy. I get bumped from WrestleMania. Then I get bumped...from Backlash? I'm not good enough to call ''Backlash''?! In ECW, I called live pay-per-views on my own, solo, no color commentators dragging me down. Wasn't done before me, hasn't been done since! But I'm not good enough to call Backlash because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller. Well, you know what? I am sick of sports entertainment. I am sick of male cheerleaders! I am sick of boogers and bathroom humor and semen, and I am sick of our chairman, who likes to talk about his own semen, he mocks God - he mocks ''God''! - and makes out the divas all to feed his own insatiable ego. I am SICK of sports entertainment, and most of all, I'm sick of you fans who actually buy into that crap! This sports entertainment circus! ''[the crowd boos]'' I never needed this job, and I don’t want this job anymore. ''[takes the collar bearing the WWE logo off the microphone and throws it aside]'' I quit! ''[walks out]''
:'''Jerry''' ''[putting his headset back on]'': You know...we brought Joey Styles up from the gutter and it looks like he just got homesick; maybe Joey Styles will feel more at home in a bingo hall, kissing Paul Heyman's ass! Idiot.

=== July 17 ===

:'''Mick Foley''': Hello out there to all my fans right there in San Antonio, Texas! It's me Mick Foley in the WWE Studios and I know what a lot of you are thinking. You're thinking, &quot;Isn't that the shirt Mick wore when he was interviewed by Katie Couric on Halloween a few years ago?&quot; You're darn right it is, but I'm not here to talk about Katie Couric right now, or the beautiful Melina for that matter. I'm here to talk about the Nature Boy - Whooo! - Ric Flair and comments he made about me. You see, Ric was on the show last Monday actually bragging about beating me two straight falls in a two out of three falls match. You see Ric, I have a different take on things, you see I seem to remember you bludgeoned, bloody with your family in tears, which begs the question: Just what world do you inhabit Ric, where all those things can be construed as a positive!? How much worse could it have possibly have gotten!? Are you really under the impression I was trying to win the match? Because if I had been, I would have! The barbed wired bat under the ring was no accident, Ric. From the very get-go, I intended to leave you laying, and that is exactly what I did. And you're out there saying Mick Foley posing a challenge, anywhere, anyplace any match of your choosing. Well let me see... uh... I don't want to wrestle you anywhere, anyplace, in any type of match ever! What part of &quot;no rematch&quot; do you not understand? Let me put it in the words of a famous song: A no, no, no, no, a no, no, no, no, a no, no, no, ''No rematch Ric!'' Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mick Foley''': Hello everybody, it's Mick Foley again in the WWE Studios and since we're live and since nobody can really stop me, I thought I'd give a shout out to my good friend Melina. Great match on Monday, I was really proud of you. But I'm really not here to talk about a Monday match, I'm here to talk about Ric Flair's hardcore match with the Big Show on ''ECW''. And Ric, I was impressed. I mean you got down, you got dirty, you got hardcore! You broke out the barb wire bat! You used thumbtacks, laying in a pile of them and as it turns out, you did it all in vain, Ric. Because no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how badly you wish I could grow something you could check out first hand, you get no rematch! See, three things happened at Vengeance Ric, I came, I saw, I kicked your old ass! And I have nothing left to prove to you! Now if you really want to me like Mick Foley, don't stop with the barb wire and thumbtacks. Wear a flannel on TV next week, drive a used mini-van, and sit in seat 26C next to the crapper! Or repeat after me as a paraphrase and old Michael Jackson song: He's out of my life, damned indecision and cursed pride. And it cuts like a knife, ''you're out of my life! You washed-up piece of crap!'' Yeah!

=== July 24 ===

:'''Mick Foley''': What has become of Ric Flair? You see I'm in a state of disbelief because I watched ''Raw'' last Monday and found it hard to believe that Ric Flair resorted to calling me &quot;Fat Boy&quot;. Fat Boy, a name so effective he chose to use it twice and I have to admit the name hurt. Yeah, the name &quot;Fat Boy&quot; hurt when my brother used it on me 30 years ago. What has become of Ric Flair? You see it hurts me worse than anything just to see Ric Flair proving to the world, one of the all time great performers in our business, proving to the world that he had the creativity, the originality and the intellect of the average fourth grader. What has become of Ric Flair!? You see I thought I was going on a journey to meet the Great and Powerful Oz! And it turns out instead I see a weak and feeble man operating behind a curtain, digging into a bag of cliches because he's got nothing left to offer! &quot;To be the man, you've got to beat the man!&quot; &quot;I'm a 16-time world champion!&quot; &quot;All night long!&quot; blah blah blah. ''You make me sick Ric!'' What has become of you!? You've reduced yourself to being a second-rate circus side show, falling on thumbtacks on an ECW show, all in vain attempt to lure me back into the ring! It's not gonna work! What part of &quot;no&quot; did you not understand? I won't fight you here, there, or anywhere. What has become of you Ric Flair!? Because now not only are you a second-rate freak show, but you've resorted to attacking innocent, beautiful defenseless women. And even worse, Ric Flair, the woman you chose to attack was a friend of mine! Which means I'll be coming to New Jersey, Ric Flair, but I won't be coming to wrestle, but I will be coming to look you in the ring face to face and air our differences in a very public venue. And I swear to your Ric, you leave the cliches at home and you bring your heart and your mind or I will swat you away and embarrass you in front on national TV, you washed-up piece of crap! I'll see you next Monday on ''Raw''! Yeah!

=== August 21 ===
:''[The McMahons' limo has been stopped by a chain severing its rear axle and Vince and Shane are livid at the driver. Vince looks at the side of the limo...]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[reacts as the camera shows DX spray-painted on the side]'' Uh oh...
:'''Jim Ross''': Oh God...
:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[violently kicks the car and screams]'' Dammit!! ''[holds his right ear as he screams and cries in anguish; Shane tries to comfort him as he breaks down]''
:'''Lawler''': I think it's happened. I think DX has broken Mr. McMahon!

=== October 9 ===
:''[Edge and Lita are in the ring for The Cutting Edge, having just invited Randy Orton on the show]''
:'''Edge''': Randy, thanks for - thanks for coming on the show, and...I'll get straight to the point. See, you've impressed me. You impressed me in 2004 when you became the youngest champion in WWE history. But, but since then, you've done absolutely nothing.
:'''Randy''' ''[standing up from his seat, shocked]'': Excuse me?
:'''Edge''' ''[stammering]'': Don't get me wrong, you've been involved in some huge matches: last year at WrestleMania against the Undertaker. This year at WrestleMania, Rey Mysterio, SummerSlam, Hulk Hogan, but...the thing is, you lost all those matches. You see, for two years straight, you have consistently dropped the ball.
:'''Randy''': You got two seconds to come up with a point...or I'm gonna drop you right now.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': I knew it.
:'''Edge''': Okay. Okay. Okay, Randy, I have a point: you see, every - every misstep, every bump in the road since you became champion, it-it can be traced back to one single, solitary moment. Do you remember?, because if you don't, I'm gonna remind you right now. ''[pointing at the Titantron]'' Roll the footage. ''[footage shown of Orton in 2004 celebrating his World Heavyweight Championship, only for Triple H and the rest of Evolution to turn on him as Triple H starts attacking him]'' Do you remember that, Randy? Do you remember, you were on top of the world, you had it ALL!...but Triple H's selfishness cost you everything, ''everything''! I know you tried to pull it all back together, but let's face it, the facts are the facts! So you're probably asking yourself why, why would I care? And normally, I wouldn't. But these things have a, a tendency to repeat themselves. Jealousy rears its ugly head again, because, just last week, there was another travesty of justice. So once again, ''[gesturing to the Titantron]'' let's roll the footage. ''[footage from the previous week on Raw when D-Generation X interfered in Edge's steel cage match against John Cena for the WWE Championship, with Shawn Michaels' Sweet Chin Music to Trevor Murdoch, causing Murdoch to inadvertently slam the cage door on Edge's head, being the main turning point]'' Shawn Michaels cost me the WWE Championship! The same man who, who taught Triple H every self-serving, power-hungry move he's ever known! And-and what did DX do when they came out here earlier? They...they made some cute little jokes. Because Randy, they think I'm a joke, they think ''you're'' a joke. And they're gonna continue to do that, until someone takes a stand. You see, Randy, I know you're not a joke, and I'm not a joke. The reason I called you out here tonight...is because I think those people that should take a stand...I think it's you, and me. We should own this show! We should have all the championships! We are the present and future of this industry, not some tired old act from a decade ago! So I tell you what, Randy, it's really simple: you can get mad at the things, the-the ''true'' things I said earlier and, you can fight me right now...or...you can join me. Join me and together we can take a stand against DX. We can beat DX! Take back our championships! Take back our lives, our ''careers''! So the ball's in your court. It's up to you.
:''[the crowd starts an &quot;RKO&quot; chant, much to Edge's chagrin]''
:'''Randy''': DX...as far as you running this show anymore is concerned, I've got two words for ya: it's over! ''[shakes Edge's hand and the two grin at one another]''

== 2007 ==

=== June 25 ===

:'''Vince McMahon''': Good evening. Tonight, this arena here in Corpus Christi, Texas, was to have been filled to capacity with enthusiastic WWE fans. Tonight’s storyline was to have been the alleged demise of my character, Mr. McMahon. However, in reality, WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their son Daniel, are dead. Their bodies were discovered this afternoon in their new, suburban Atlanta home. The authorities are undergoing an investigation. We here in the WWE can only offer our condolences to the extended family of Chris Benoit, and the only other thing we can do at this moment is, tonight, pay tribute to Chris Benoit. We will offer you some of the most memorable moments in Chris’ professional life, and you will hear, tonight, comments from his peers; those here – his fellow performers – those here who loved Chris and admired him so much. So tonight will be a three-hour tribute to one of the greatest WWE superstars of all time. Tonight will be a tribute to Chris Benoit.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Edge''': ''[Referring to Chris Benoit's death]'' It's really confusing. I don't understand things like this, and I don't know if I ever will.

=== November 5 ===

:'''Triple H''': What the hell ''was'' all that?
:'''Shawn''': I gotta be honest with you. I mean, I feel like I'm getting a little old for this. I don't know who writes this garbage, but this is the worst debacle since that whole Katie Vick years ago.
:'''Triple H''': You got a good point. But the thing is, I don't think ''anybody'' writes this crap—[[w:2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike|they're on strike]]. ''[The crowd cheers]'' But we're not!

== 2008 ==

===March 31 ===
:'''&quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair''': WOOOO! Last night, I wrestled my very last match at [[w:WrestleMania XXIV|WrestleMania]]. I will never, ever, wrestle in this ring again. ''[The crowd boos this]'' Please... please... I... I... I'm not sad about not wrestling. You shouldn't be sad about the fact that you're not gonna see me out here. You should rejoice in the fact that I HAVE HAD THE GREATEST WRESTLING CAREER IN THE HISTORY OF PRO WRESTLING! ''[The crowd erupts at this]'' And last night, even though I lost, I lost to a great, great, great wrestler and a better man! ''[The crowd boos at mention of Shawn Michaels]'' It's true... Rejoice in the fact that I have wrestled in front of more fans, raised more hell, had more fun, and loved all of you every day of my life! I swear to God! I've been teared up all day long with the thought of not being able to come out here anymore, but I'm off! I'm off, and I'm in a good place, and I love you! ''[As he speaks, &quot;Thank you, Ric&quot; chants start within the crowd]'' Please... Let me say to you, I wanna thank you for the memories, thank you for the support, and most of all, thank you all for making me who I am today. WOOOO! WOOOO! WOOOO! ''[begins to leave, until he is cut off by the music and arrival of Triple H]''
:'''Triple H''': Ric, if you think these people here in Orlando are the only ones that want to say thank you, if you think that the millions of people watching on TV are the only ones that want to say thank you... well then, my friend, you've got another thing coming. ''[embraces Flair]'' Because I just... I had to come out here and I had to tell you something from the bottom of my heart... I love you, man. ''[shakes Flair's hand]'' And thank you. Thank ''you''. ''[bows down to Flair and then embraces him again]'' Now, that takes care of me, but there are a few other people that wanted to say thank you too, and... there's one group of guys I started talking to earlier today, and it's the craziest thing, 'cause ever since I talked to them, my hand's been cramping up like this... ''[Makes a familiar sign; Flair smiles, knowing what this means. The sound of horses' hooves and whinnying only serve to confirm the obvious, as out come:]'' TULLY BLANCHARD! J.J. DILLON! ARN ANDERSON! BARRY WINDHAM! THE FOUR HORSEMEN!
:'''Jim Ross''': ''[As the aforementioned Horsemen enter the ring and embrace Flair]'' This will be the first time the Horsemen have been together since 1988. All four of them in the ring. ''[No further commentary is uttered.]''
:'''Triple H''': ''[As he introduces each of the next seven individuals, that individual enters the ring to pay his respects to Flair]'' The Animal... and the [[w:Evolution (professional wrestling)|Evolution]], Ric, of Batista... Ricky &quot;The Dragon&quot; Steamboat... The seven-time [[w:NWA World Heavyweight Championship|World Champion]], Harley Race... Greg &quot;The Hammer&quot; Valentine... Another Horseman, Dean Malenko... Y2J, Chris Jericho... John Cena! ''[After Cena has paid his respects, &quot;[[w:Angels &amp; Devils (Fuel album)|Leave The Memories Alone]]&quot; by [[w:Fuel (band)|Fuel]] plays as:]'' Ric, here comes your family. Ric's wife Tiffany, Megan, [[w:David Flair|David]], [[w:Reid Flair|Reid]], and [[w:Charlotte Flair|Ashley]]! ''[By this time, Flair is completely in tears as his wife and children enter the ring and embrace the Nature Boy. After the crowd reacts, they falls silent as Shawn Michaels, still clearly upset over retiring Flair the previous night, enters the ring. The two make up and embrace]'' Ric... First of all, I've gotta say: those are sweet watches. ''[pointing out the gold watches both Flair and Michaels are wearing]'' Those match; those are cool. Anyway... ''[laughs and taps the microphone]'' Is this still on? OK, that is... anyway, we could keep this going on all night because there's just so many people. But I'll tell you what: Anybody left that wants to come out here and say thank you to Ric Flair, come on out! ''[&quot;[[w:...To Be Loved|...To Be Loved]]&quot; by [[w:Papa Roach|Papa Roach]], then the'' Raw ''theme, plays as the locker room empties, line up on the ramp and chant &quot;Thank you, Ric&quot; with the audience]''

=== June 9 ===
:'''Chris Jericho''': Yes, I do have a question, I'm gonna get to that. But first I wanna make a little observation. I mean, like we just heard, obviously our fans, they love you no matter what it is you do. ''[to the cheering fans]'' No matter what, right? Case in point, you feigned a knee injury for almost a month, you blatantly lied about it to me, you lied to Batista...
:'''&quot;The Heartbreak Kid&quot; Shawn Michaels''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now that might be splitting hairs here, but I was very clear about the fact that I was gonna do whatever it took to win...and I did that. I didn't lie to Batista, I didn't lie to the people. Technically, the only person I lied to was...you.
:'''Jericho''': All right, fair enough, I'll...I'll take that. Touche. Regardless of all that, when you finally admitted the truth and super-kicked me right in the face, you got cheered more than ever. I mean, it's... ''[off the cheers]'' see? I mean, I'm adored by the fans as well, but not even I could get away with that one. And when I pointed out your fabrication of the truth, suddenly I got booed. ''[The crowd boos]'' See? You pull a fast one on 'em and they adore you, and yet whenever I try to do the right thing, whether it be tell the truth or not hit you with a chair, not hit JBL with a chair, I got booed. You know. It seems like our fans, even the ones here, would rather boo an honest man and cheer for you. I mean, it doesn't take much to get them to start chanting, &quot;HBK!&quot; You know, it's...HBK, HBK!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' HBK!
:'''Jericho''': So that brings us to my question, and my question is this. How does Shawn Michaels, HBK, one of the greatest performers of all time and one of the most highly-decorated superstars in the history of this business, turn into such a lying, cheating, pathetic little worm of a human being?

== 2010 ==

=== January 11 ===

:'''[[w:The Miz|The Miz]]''': ''[outside the WWE Superstars Locker Room]'' When I first came to World Wrestling Entertainment, not a single person respected me. Not anyone out in the WWE universe, and not anyone in the WWE locker room. Everybody wanted to get rid of me. Nobody could stand me! They made my life a living hell. As a matter of fact, in this very locker room I got kicked out for eating a piece of chicken over a referee’s bag and spilling some crumbs.
:''[Walks away]'' For 6 months, 6 months, I was banned from the WWE locker room. I would have to find a place to change, a place to shower, a place to use the restroom. I walked down these halls and see superstars like JBL. And everyday that JBL saw me, he would sarcastically say, &quot;Miz, I look forward to your amazing work! Miz, you are a gift from God, Miz!&quot;
:Everybody berated me. Everybody ridiculed me. Everybody wanted me to quit. But all that negativity, I used as fuel to ignite a wrath against everyone in the WWE to become the star I am today. Now I don't even ''go'' in that locker room because I have a private dressing room just for me. ''That'' locker room is for the Evan Bournes and the MVPs. ''[He is now on the arena floor]'' The same MVP that is the #1 contender for the United States Championship. So congratulations, MVP. You have earned the right to join a long list of people to get publicly humiliated by me.
:MVP doesn't even deserve to be in the same ring as me. ''[He is now in the ring]'' If it was up to me, MVP would still be in jail. I don't believe in second chances, because I have been perfect my entire life. Yet you mistakes all still boo me and cheer him. Well, go ahead, boo me, cheer MVP, I don't care. I'd rather you all hate me for everything I am, than love me for something I'm not! I am the reason you people watch ''Monday Night Raw'', not MVP! I am the most captivating and entertaining superstar on this brand, not MVP!
:MVP comes out here with his glitz and glam, his pyro, his ballin'. He's got Breitling diamond watches, designer suits. That's great MVP, because let's face facts, MVP. You could put diamonds on a dog, but it's still a mutt. All you mistakes will respect me, everybody in that locker room will respect their United States Champion! Because I'm The Miz...and I'm...AWESOME!

=== November 22 ===

:'''The Miz''': I told you. I told you all. I...told...you...all I would be Champion!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''CM Punk''': You thought Randy Orton and Wade Barrett was the story; you thought John Cena being fired was the story; and then The Miz, Mr. Money in the Bank, comes out, cashes in, and he tells the world that ''he'' is the true story. He is the WWE Champion.
:'''Michael Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, the Era of Awesomeness has begun on Monday Night Raw!

== 2011 ==

=== April 11 ===
:'''Edge''': You may to have to bear with me a little bit. I’m probably gonna ramble and not make much sense, but just please bear with me. A lot of people think that the WWE doesn't hurt. That what we do, maybe it’s done with smoke and mirrors, and I wish that were true. But anybody in that locker room, anybody who has ever stepped foot in here, laced up a pair of boots—they know that’s not the case. 
:Which brings me to what I am about to tell you. Eight years ago, I broke my neck. I had spinal fusion surgery, which means they move your throat over, they put a plate in there, and screws, and it’s really in-depth surgery. But because of that surgery, I knew that I was...I was wrestling on borrowed time from that point on. So fast forward, and...the last, the last little while, I’ve been in a lot of pain. I...I’ve been losing feeling in my arms. So...I passed strength tests and all of those things, and I made it through [[WrestleMania#WrestleMania XVII|WrestleMania]]. But the WWE wanted me to go get more tests. And thankfully I did, because the MRI showed that...that I have to retire. ''[The crowd is visibly shocked]'' I mean, trust me, it’s not my choice. The doctors have told me that I got no choice. And thankfully, they found out because I’m not gonna end up in a wheelchair now.
:''[The crowd starts cheering for him, chanting &quot;Thank you, Edge.&quot;]''
:This is a little bit tougher than I thought it was gonna be. So, you know...thank you, guys.
:I’ll tell ya, this has been an emotional roller coaster of a week for me and I’m not going to lie. I felt sorry for myself. I...until I talked to Christian. And for those of you who don’t know, Christian has been my best friend for 27 years. And you see I was angry, I was angry at myself, I was angry at my body. Because I felt like there’s a lot of people in this company that depend on me, and I felt like I was letting them down. I felt like I was letting you guys down. But then, you know, I was upset too, because I did not feel like I was ending this on my terms. But he reminded me that, that I have competed my whole career on my terms.
:I...you know, I’m still like all of you. I am a huge fan of the WWE. Every month, Christian and I would go down to the Maple Leaf Gardens and we would watch all of our favorites. We would watch The Legion of Doom, we’d watch Demolition, we’d watch...we’d watch Hulk Hogan, we’d watch all of them and just be enthralled. And then I went to WrestleMania VI and I watched Hulk Hogan against The Ultimate Warrior, and I said, “I’m doing this one day.” And you know what? Fast forward a whole bunch of years, and I’m main eventing WrestleMania against The Undertaker. There’s no way I ever would have dreamed of that. There’s no way if you told me when I was eleven years old that I would win more championships than anyone in the history of this company, no way I would've believed you. And if you had told me that my last match would be at WrestleMania in one of the main events defending the World Heavyweight Championship, and that I’d be retiring as the World Heavyweight Champion. Man, I couldn't dream of a better way to go out. I really couldn't.
:You know, I...I started in the WWE when I was 23. I mean, I have been doing this for 19 years, 14 of them with the WWE. My first match was May 10th, 1996 at Hamilton’s Copps Coliseum. And...I was 23 years old, and I feel like I've grown up in front of all of you. I feel like I've made a whole lot of mistakes in front of you. I've learned from them, and I've become a man in front of you. I've gone from being the silent guy running around the streets of New York with a trench coat that was way too small for him, to a pseudo-vampire in The Brood, to one of the funny, goofy guys along with Christian, posing for the benefit of those with flash photography. I became one of the most despised guys in the history of the WWE. As a matter of fact, I got thrown in the Long Island Sound. I had a live sex celebration, thankfully with Lita and not Vickie Guerrero. And I would hope that through it all, I've earned the respect of everyone in that locker room. And I hope that I've earned all of your respect. Because no matter what, no matter what, I came out here and I tried to give you guys as much as I had every single night. And in turn, you guys gave it right back to me.
:So, I’m gonna miss all of this. All of it. I’m gonna miss that reaction when I hear my music and I come out on the ramp. It’s like a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart from you guys, and it’s amazing. I can’t describe it. But, that being said, I don’t have to wear tights tomorrow and I am gonna go eat a whole lot of ice cream tonight. But if you asked me if I would do all of this again. All the way back from getting hired by J.R. If you asked me if I’d travel all the roads, log all the miles, hop on all the flights, all the sleepless nights, all the surgeries, all of the injuries, the metal rods in my teeth, all of it. If you asked me if I’d do it again…in a heartbeat. So, thank you, thank you very much.

=== June 20 ===
:'''[[Phil Brooks|CM Punk]]''': July 17, 2011 will be the most historic day, not only in the career of CM Punk, it's gonna be a historic day for the WWE as a whole. Not only is July 17 the second annual Money in the Bank ladder match pay-per-view, it's the night I defeat John Cena for the WWE Championship. And now, here's that honesty I was talking about, that honesty that's probably gotten me in trouble more times than I like to admit. The brutal honesty I'm known for. July 17 is the day my contract with World Wrestling Entertainment comes to an end. That means when the clock strikes midnight, the 17 becomes the 18, Sunday bleeds into Monday, I'm leaving. And trust me when I tell you. I am leaving with the WWE Championship.

=== June 27 ===
:'''CM Punk''': John Cena, while you lay there hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest. I don't hate you, John. I don't even dislike you. I ''do'' like you; I like you a hell lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this idea that you're the best...because you're not. I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing you're better at than I am, and that's kissing Vince McMahon's ass. You're as good at kissing Vince's ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don't know if you're as good as ''[[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne]]'' though—he's a pretty good ass-kisser, always was and still is. ''[Turns to camera and waves]'' Whoops, I'm breaking the fourth wall.
:I am the best wrestler in the world. I've been the best ever since day one when I walked into this company, and I've been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That's right, I'm a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar, and he split just like I'm splitting, but the biggest difference between me and Brock is I'm going to leave with the WWE Championship.
:I've grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon's imaginary brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that—they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me, and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I've proved to everybody in the world that I'm the best on this microphone, in that ring, even at commentary! Nobody can touch me! And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I'm not on your lovely little collector cups, I'm not on the cover of the program, I'm barely promoted, I don't get to be in movies, I'm certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network, I'm not on the poster of WrestleMania, I'm not on the signature that's produced at the start of the show! I'm not on Conan O'Brien, I'm not on Jimmy Fallon, but the fact of the matter is I should be; and trust me, this isn't sour grapes, but the fact that Dwayne is in the main event of WrestleMania next year and I'm not makes me sick!
:''[Turns to the fans]'' Oh, hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else, because you're the ones that are sipping out of those collector cups right now; you're the ones that buy those programs that my face isn't on the cover of, and then at 5:00 in the morning at the airport, you try and shove it in my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you're too lazy to go get a real job!
:I'm leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17, and hell, who knows? Maybe I'll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe I'll go back to Ring of Honor. ''[Waves to camera]'' Hey, [[w:Colt Cabana|Colt Cabana]], how you doing? The reason I'm leaving is you people because after I'm gone, you're still gonna pour money into this company. I'm just a spoke on the wheel, the wheel's gonna keep turning and I understand that. But Vince McMahon's gonna make money despite himself. He's a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he's not a billionaire? It's 'cause he surrounds himself with glad-handing, nonsensical douchebag yes-men like [[w:John Laurinaitis|John Laurinaitis]] who's gonna tell him everything that he wants to hear. And I'd like to think that maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon's dead, but the fact is it's gonna get taken over by his idiotic [[w:Stephanie McMahon|daughter]] and his doofus [[w:Triple H|son-in-law]] and the rest of his stupid family! Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon. All right. We're doing this whole bullying campaign...''[The mic cuts off]''

=== July 11 ===
:'''CM Punk''': You wanna have fun? Let's have fun.
:'''Mr. McMahon''': ''[on the contract]'' I've got everything in here you want...
:'''CM Punk''': Because ''my'' lawyers looked over your contract, Vince, and frankly, it just wasn't up to par, so I had them draw up a new one. I have it right here; my signature's already on it, all you've got to do is sign it. I...do think you should know about a couple new perks that I've added to it. You say you don't think contractual things should happen in public? Let's ask the WWE Universe—you people want this to go down in public? ''[The crowd cheers]'' You wanna hear a couple new perks?
:'''Mr. McMahon''': Don't push me.
:'''Audience member''': What?
:'''CM Punk''': He said, &quot;don't push me.&quot; Did you already look at this? Did somebody stooge this off? Because this is actually provision #1—''[pushes McMahon in his seat]'' that I get to push you. Vince, I'll push you all I want..Vince, I'll kick you in the nuts and you'll smile at me and like it, and show me some respect! Because if you don't, I find the nearest paper shredder, I throw this puppy in there, and Sunday, I leave with your WWE Championship.
:Provision #1—for a Superstar such as myself, first class travel is not good enough. I want my own jet. And I don't want your jet—your jet smells, don't try to pawn that thing off on me—I want my own jet.
:[Provision] #2—my face will be on everything. I want my face on the TitanTron, I want my face on these turnbuckles, I want cups, posters, spoons, knives, forks, shoes, socks. I want everything with my face on it; number-one thing I want you to bring back—the WWE Ice Cream Bars. ''[The crowd cheers and chants &quot;WE WANT ICE CREAM!&quot;]'' Look at that, I just made you a million dollars in ice cream sales.
:I want WWE Films to immediately start production on ''CM Punk: The Movie''! You can call it ''The Chaperone 2'', except mine will be funny and entertaining and successful.
:And one last thing—the main event of WrestleMania being John Cena against your buddy Dwayne? That's The Rock, for nobody who watches bad Disney movies. You can still have that little fantasy, but the match that I compete in at WrestleMania will be the main event.
:Those are just a few of many new perks that my lawyers have added to the contract. The last thing that this contract states is that you apologize to me. I know, Vince McMahon doesn't apologize, right? But you will apologize to me for suspending me last week; you will apologize... Hell, you know what? I'm gonna be honest, you're not just apologizing to me, you're apologizing to these people for being one of the biggest hypocrites I've ever seen in my entire life. As far as your anti-bullying campaign goes, you are one of the biggest bullies I've ever met in my entire life, and you will apologize. I have had friends, very talented friends, work for this company and be unceremoniously fired.
:'''Mr. McMahon''': They deserved it!
:'''CM Punk''': They deserved it? They deserved it? Why? Because you don't know what makes a superstar in 2011?! You don't know what these people want?! You wanna punish people for actually liking professional wrestling, guys like Colt Cabana and guys like Luke Gallows?! Huh?! You will apologize to me, for them, because they can't be here right now, and they can't stand up to you, and they can't let their voice be heard! I am CM Punk, and I am the voice of the voiceless, and you will apologize, and you will like it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''CM Punk''': I'm not gonna have you sit here and belittle me. Say ''I've'' lost sight? ''I've'' lost sight of things, ''John''? The reason I say I'm gonna take that and walk out is because I ''don't'' fit a certain mold. Because ''I'' am the underdog, and that's exactly what ''you've'' lost sight of. Earlier in this ring, you mentioned great wrestlers like Eddie Guerrero and you said that ''they'' used to look at you and think that the kid couldn't hang. And now you stand here and look at me as the kid that can't hang. John, I was hanging off of your gangster car, WrestleMania 22, as it rolled down in Chicago, Illinois, and I stood there in a suit looking as ridiculous as ''[points to Vince McMahon]'' that man looks right now in his suit, holding a phony Tommy gun, and I said to myself someday, I'm not gonna be standing out there watching you in the ring; I was gonna be standing in the ring watching you go down to CM Punk. And now here we are in your hometown of Boston. And now next week, we'll be back there in my hometown—Chicago, Illinois. And this...this is the part where I talk 'em into the building. See, ''you'' are the one that's lost sight, and I apologize for raising my voice because I'm not that guy. But when you stand here and tell me that I've lost sight, when you, the 10-time Champion who stands for hustle, loyalty and respect; who, from Boston, Massachusetts, lives and breathes these red colors, the same colors as your beloved Red Sox, who ''also'' portray themselves as the underdog, I'm sure just like the Bruins portray themselves as the underdog. Just like the Patriots think they're the underdog! Hey, how about those Celtics? Are they the underdogs too? Here's what you've lost sight of, John, and I'm really happy that your father and your wife are sitting in the front row so they can hear it!
:'''John Cena''': That's the last time I'm gonna tell you, ease up.
:'''CM Punk''': What you've lost sight of is what you are, and what you are is what you hate. You're the 10-time WWE Champion! You're the man! Ladies and gentlemen, the Champ is here. You, like the Red Sox, like Boston, are no longer the underdog! You're a dynasty. You are what you hate. You have become the New York Yankees! ''[John immediately punches Punk, who scoots out of the ring, grabs the contract, and goes up the ramp. Points respectively to Vince and John]'' You're Steinbrenner, and you might as well be Jeter! Mr. 3000, ''I'm'' the underdog! ''[John's music plays for fourteen seconds]'' Turn it off! Turn the music off because I have something to say, and I'm positive that everybody here wants to hear it, and everybody sitting at home has their DVRs fired up because ''they wanna hear it!'' I'm glad you just punched me in the face, John. I'm glad it went down this way because it hit me like a bolt of lightning—exactly why I no longer wanna be here, why I wanna leave. It's because I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you. I'm just tired. So ladies and gentlemen of the WWE Universe, Vince, John, Sunday night, say goodbye to the WWE Title, say goodbye to John Cena, and say goodbye to CM Punk! ''[Rips up the contract]'' I'll go be the best in the world somewhere else.

===July 18===
:'''John Cena''': Relax, relax, relax, relax. I'm not gonna go on a profanity-ridden tirade. You don't need a seven-second-delay, Kevin. I'm not gonna show my genitalia. I'm not gonna talk bad about your family or your company. And I know exactly what you're about to do, and I'm okay with it. Because I'm not gonna have to go through the same things that you made Shawn Michaels go through. Shawn Michaels, the best performer ever to step in this ring. But you made him bent over backwards and for all that he accomplished, for all of his achievements, for years, all they said about HBK was that he screwed Bret! No matter how many championships he won, no matter how many times he stopped the show, he carried that burden, and it began to define him, and he had to take it with him his entire career. And you know what? I thought about that a lot last week, Vince, and I put myself in his shoes. If I was in his shoes, would I want to be the guy who screwed Bret? Would I want to be the guy that screwed CM Punk? My answer was no.
:I knew exactly what was at stake. I asked for the match. The WWE Championship, my career. But there was more than that. There was more than just John Cena vs. CM Punk in a classic. It was about you. It was about you wanting to keep your little bubble intact - your little universe in one piece. Nobody can embarrass Vince McMahon. And to do that, you thought you needed somebody to play ball, and I was gonna be your patsy. No way! And I know I'm not supposed to say his name, but, Punk, if you are out there watching: It was one hell of a match last night, son. Thank you so much.
:''[over Vince's protests]'' Hey, hey, hey, listen. You put me in a position to make a decision. You wanted the match thrown out. I don't do business like that. You're a businessman, you got your way of doin' business. I do my business a certain way, I am not gonna play along with that crap because you would have made the WWE Championship meaningless. So here's the skinny. I had a great career here. And he says he can make another one of me. Fine, Vince, go ahead. Make one, make ten. I don't care. I've even given you some time. You have eight months—-give or take a few days—-to find another opponent for Dwayne &quot;The Rock&quot; Johnson at WrestleMania XXVIII. I'm not an idiot, Vince. You'll do some hocus-pocus and you'll find somebody for Dwayne, and WrestleMania will go off without a hitch as if I was never even here. I get it. Meanwhile I get to walk outta here with my pride and my dignity.
:So before we get into the formalities and the big Vince-McMahon-walk and the whole speech, which I'm gonna let you do. Go ahead. It's what they know you for. I just need to tell you something. And I want this to sink in. I love the WWE and I truly believe I belong here. And, man, I hate saying this. But if you're about to tell me that I'm not welcome here, if you're about to tell me that I have no other option, I love this. This is what I do. And if you make me walk tonight, then I will walk on someone else's television show and keep doing this, ''brother!'' That is no threat, that is a promise. And here's the skinny. There's a lot people out there that say I do a lot of things. But I prove tonight that one thing I will not do is kiss your ass!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Triple H appears as Vince seeks to fire John Cena]''
:'''Triple H''': Vince. Sorry I got here as quickly as I could. There was a board of directors' meeting this morning. Vince, last night we flew from Chicago here. When I got there, I received a phone-call. I got back on the jet and I flew to the office, where there was a board of directors' meeting this morning. Vince, the board asked me to come here to talk to you. They are concerned about the current situation. Can we just go and talk about this in the back, please? I tried to get out here, Vince, before you came to the ring, but I didn't make it. More specifically, the board is concerned about you. Don't get me wrong. They completely understand you have built the global empire. All of this, every single bit of it is because of you and your vision. That's a given. But at the same point in time, Vince, the board is concerned about your extremely questionable - their term, their words - extremely questionable decisions as of late. Vince, the board has asked me to come here to tell you, that they have filed an injunction against you with the vote of no-confidence. And Vince, the family agrees.

:On top of that, Vince, the board has appointed someone to take over the day-to-day operations of the WWE. And — I can't — I can't even believe I'm gonna say this, but Vince, it's me. ''[audience chants for Cena]'' Vince, you're not gonna fire John Cena. You're not gonna be doing anything else. Vince, you taught me from day one - from day one - that nobody is bigger than this business. Nobody. And this is just business. I can't even believe I'm gonna say this and Vince this is with all due respect: I am here to inform you — that, Vince, you are relieved of your duties. ''[&quot;Hey, Goodbye' chants, Vince is evidently sad]'' Please — understand. I did not wanna do this. I'm tryin' to do what's right for the business. Look at me — Look at me! I love you, pa! And I'm sorry. ''[leaves Vince]''

== 2012 ==

=== February 27 ===
:'''Chris Jericho''': Listen, I know you've got a big match, Champion vs. Champion, but what I have to say is a little bit more important. Before I say it, let me preface it by saying one thing. I think you're an amazing performer, Punk. I think you're very, very good. As a matter of fact, you're one of my favorites, but you're not as good as I am. You're not as good as me. You're not the best in the world at everything you do, and you know it.
:You see, I never had to call myself the best in the world; other people said it for me. These people said it for me. And I never had to write it on the back of a t-shirt; they would write it on signs and bring it to the arena. And the reason for that is this—I am part of a special breed of performers. I am one of a literal dying breed of performers that toured the world, honing our craft, learning our skills, becoming stars before we ever got to the WWE. A breed that cared more about having the best match on the show than personal politics, didn't care what the hierarchy thought of us, what position we were slotted in, what we were supposed to be. A breed of performers that were given nothing and took everything. And yeah, I developed a chip on my shoulder because of it; and yeah, I got a bad attitude and a bad reputation in the back with the powers that be because of it; but I didn't give a damn because I knew I was good. I knew I was the best.
:And now, Punk, you're just like me. You're a maverick, a rebel that went against the grain and became something more than anybody thought that you would. But in translation, that's because you just want to be me. You're a Chris Jericho wannabe, just like all these Chris Jericho wannabes, and it's so obviously...''[to the booing crowd]'' oh yeah, you know it's true. It's so obviously blatant by the fact that you plagiarize me every step of the way...
:'''CM Punk''': Stop. Stop. Just stop.
:'''Chris Jericho''': Don't you tell me to stop, boy. I'm talking to you.
:'''CM Punk''': And I'm listening, but I think everybody else is sick of listening, so I'm gonna go ahead. Look, Chris, I know how good you are, these people know how good you are. My problem I have with you is you coming out here and insinuating that I've stolen ''anything'' from you. No, I've never plagiarized anything in my life. Everything I have, ''[holding up WWE Championship]'' I've fought for and I've earned. It's right here.
:You think you invented saying that you were the best? Are you kidding me? There's a guy I remember watching when I was a kid—you probably watched him when you were a kid, too—his name's Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart, the best there is, ''[crowd says it with him]'' the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Did you invent that? Did you give that to him when you were, what, two years old? Huh? He's Canadian too. Did you invent him being Canadian? Did you invent Canada?
:'''Chris Jericho''': Oh, yeah, laugh along. Laugh it up with Punk. Laugh along with Punk. Very nice. Because it's oh so typical, Punk. So smarmy, sarcastic, never taking anything too seriously, right? Well you need to take me seriously, Punk, 'cause this is a whole different level. A whole different level from anything that you've ever had before. Because like I said, this isn't some kind of gimmick. I am the best in the world at everything I do, and I prove it every night as I have for the last 22 years. Staying on the highest level of any performer in the history of this business. ''[to the crowd]'' You can boo if you want, but you know it's the damn truth.
:I have faced every legend, every Hall-of-Fame, future Hall-of-Fame performer in this ring and beaten them all. I've won dozens of championships, I've had dozens of classic matches, classic WrestleMania steal-the-show matches, dozens of moments that will be legendary long after either one of us are gone. ''[Crowd chants &quot;CM Punk!&quot;]'' You can chant it all you want, but I am not just telling you, I am proving to you with all the evidence that standing right in front of you is the literal, undeserved, undoubtful best in the world at everything I do!
:'''CM Punk''': You know, you keep ''saying'' that, and your words just scream superiority. But I watch you and the way you walk out here and the inflection in your voice and certainly your body language—it screams ''inferiority''. Who you trying to prove? You're trying to prove to ''me'' that you're the best, or are you trying to prove to these people that you're the best, or are you trying to prove to ''yourself'' that you're the best? I say I'm the best in the world, and yeah, that's a little cocky, but confidence is nothing that I've ever lacked, and it's nothing I thought you lacked. But now that confidence, Chris, seems to be replaced with jealousy.
:You look at me and you see a guy that emerged from the same shadows you did. He came from the same places you did, he overcame the same obstacles you did. But now he's ''surpassed'' everything that you did, didn't he? Because sure, you beat legends. You beat the Stone Cold and you beat Rock in the same night ten years ago, and that made you the WWE Champion. But you were never really the ''man'', like how I'm the ''man'', were you? And that just bothers you a little bit, doesn't it? You have a Napoleon clompl—complex because of it, so you come back and you try to point fingers and place the blame. The blame's only on you.
:See, ''you'' say that you're the best in the world at what you do, and I say that I'm the best ''wrestler'' in the world. The distinction, to me, is very simple. This is nothing I chose, I was born this way. This is who I am, this is what I do, while you choose to leave and write books and have a radio show and be on game shows, and you choose to be a rock star. And all the while, I'm here ON TOP, swimming with sharks while you're [[w:Dancing with the Stars (U.S. season 12)|dancing with stars]]!
:'''Chris Jericho''': When I was dancing with stars, Punk, and killing it on the Tonight Show and becoming a bigger star than you ever were, all I could of was one thing, and that was you ripping me off. Every single night, you ripping me off, Punk. And let me be completely clear and honest with you. All of those January 2nd vignettes and the &quot;best in the world&quot; verbiage and this light-up, flashy, fancy jacket—it's all window dressing. Because I came back to the WWE for one reason and one reason only, and that was to embarrass you on the biggest stage in the world, to take back what is mine, to beat you for that World Title at WrestleMania, and shove down your throat that I am the best in the world at what I do! I prove it, I claim it, I AM IT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
:'''CM Punk''': Well, that's all you had to say. When you came back, you didn't have to jump me to get my attention. All you had to do was grab me and say, &quot;hey, Punk! Me and you, best in the world vs. best in the world at WrestleMania!&quot;
:See, this is the time of year everybody points at that sign, but I'm gonna point at my Championship title, because to me, I don't need Chris Brown and you don't need Mickey Rourke, and we don't need all the pyro in the world or inflatable letters to tell everybody how ''awesome'' we are, and I don't need a fancy entrance, and screw your stupid Lite-Brite jacket! The only thing ''we'' need is me and you in a ring, and on April 1st, we're gonna find out exactly who the best in the world is. Because to me, those are the only ingredients we need in the recipe to have what quite possibly could be the greatest wrestling match in WrestleMania history. But see, I have something you covet, and I say come and get it. And at the end of the night, when you're looking over your shoulder on the ramp and you see this, ''[Puts down the mic and yells to the crowd]'' &quot;Best in the world!!!&quot; ''[Picks the mic back up and resumes talking to Jericho]'' It's not gonna be the end of ''the'' world, it's just gonna be the end of ''yours''.

=== March 12 ===

:'''Chris Jericho''': Yeah, congratulations. Way to go, Punk, way to go. Congratulations on your big win. You need to enjoy them while you can. You see, you can smirk if you want to, but I see straight through you. When I look at you, I see a fraud. And I'm not talking about the fact that you call yourself the best in the world, I'm talking about you as a person. Because I did a little research this week, Punk, and I found something, a little deep, dirty, dark secret about you. You've been straight edge ever since you came to the WWE, but you've never explained the reasons why. I wanna tell all of these wannabes why you're straight edge. I wanna tell them that you're straight edge because your father is an alcoholic.
:Yeah, that's right. Your father was an alcoholic who let you down every step of the way when you were growing up, and it terrifies you. You don't want to end up like him. But it's inevitable that you will, because alcohol is in your blood, it's in your genes, it's part of who you are, and that tortures you. I know you've built this facade, this wall that you're a sarcastic antihero with not a care in the world, but I think I've found something that you care about. I've found something that gives you nightmares, something that terrifies you.
:And isn't it ironic that the very alcohol that you crave is the same thing that ruined your childhood? Oh, the nightmares you must have about your father; I almost feel bad for you, Punk. Is that the reason why you have all those tattoos? Was the pain of wanting to drink so bad that you needed the pain of a tattoo needle to take it out of your mind? Was that your only solace?
:It doesn't matter if it is, Punk, because you are going to drink eventually, and I'm the one who is going to make you drink. At WrestleMania XXVIII, I'm going to take away your title, I'm gonna take away your claims of being the best in the world, I'm gonna take away your bravado, and I'm gonna leave you a broken man. You're gonna hit bottom, Punk, and when you do, you're going to embrace your destiny, and you're gonna take a drink. And it's gonna taste so good that you're gonna wanna take another one, and another one, and another one. After April 1st, I'm gonna be recognized for who I am—the undisputed best in the world and the new WWE Champion. And you're gonna be recognized for who you are, who your father was—a pathetic damn drunk!

=== May 21 ===

:'''John Cena''': I, I, I... I've had a lot of these matches. I've won some. I've lost some. But win, lose, or draw, every single Monday, I come out here and say, &quot;You know what? It was great. Congratulations to my opponent. Let's move on.&quot;
:'''Michael Cole''': Can't do that, can he?
:'''John Cena''': What the hell happened? What the hell? What the hell? John Laurinaitis beat me. John Laurinaitis... he... he beat me. You know, you know, here's the thing, it's not how, it's not how it happened. It's why the hell would something like that happen in the first place! ''[frustrated grunt]'' Okay. You know, ever since he's been here, and all of you can attest to this, John Laurinaitis has been a selfish, power-hungry bully. And last night, John Laurinaitis got a taste of his own medicine. You guys saw some of the photos. If you were there and you watched it, we were having a blast! It was great! It was everything that it was supposed to be! That was what People Power was about! He was getting his tail whipped! I was having fun! You were having fun! And we all knew that he was gonna be gone! And then, he ran away and Big Show brought him back. Big Show: the guy that John Laurinaitis humiliated in this ring. The guy that John Laurinaitis fired in this ring. He brought him back, and then it was fun again. Big Show threw him in the ring and he had that giant hand around Laurinaitis' scrawny neck and you could watch him back. He looked in his eyes. I was right over here. I gave him a nod. I said, &quot;Show, I got this one.&quot; He looked in my eyes and he said, &quot;Yeah, you do.&quot; And he gave me John Laurinaitus to make sure I finish the job and... and John Laurinaitis would be terminated! And then, Big Show, a man that I used to call a friend, knocked me out cold. He knocked me out cold and your winner was John Laurinaitis.
:'''Jerry ''': I have never seen John Cena shook up his ears right now.
:'''John Cena''': Hindsight being 20/20, there are some &quot;experts&quot; out there that are saying, &quot;Well, why did you toy with him?&quot; &quot;Why'd you spray him with a fire extinguisher?&quot; Or, &quot;Why did you pour water all over him?&quot; &quot;You should have just beat him.&quot; Hey, geniuses, if you already paid off the Big Show, if John Laurinaitis was in any jeopardy of losing that match, the giant was gonna beat me anyway. I am glad that I did every single thing that I did to John Laurinaitis because he damn sure deserved that and ten times more! What I'm not glad about is The Big Show, the world's largest athlete deciding to sell out. I don't even know what he is thinking about. There is no possible explanation to explain exactly what he did! What the hell was he thinking? John Laurinaitis was gonna be gone! He is the world's largest athlete. I don't care who the next general manager was. Vickie Guerrero. Teddy Long. ''[pointing to audience]'' This guy over here in the third row. Hell, bring the computer back. And... ''[making noise]'' the first random e-mail would be, &quot;May I have your attention please? I have just received an e-mail that says we're hiring The Big Show back.&quot; But instead, he Benedict Arnold me, knocked me out and we are... we are stuck! Show, this was not about John Cena losing, this match was about John Laurinaitis winning! We are stuck! We are stuck with this People Power garbage! Which means, now, probably you're gonna see some graphic or something and he's gonna come out here and ''[mimicking John Laurinaitis]'' tell you guys how brave he is. And how badly he's hurt. And what a... what a great new plan that he's got for the next pay-per-view in the name of People Power. This is crap!
:''[John Laurinaitis' music plays, but Eve Torres comes out}''
:'''John Cena''': Wow, John Laurinaitis, you got really hot, but you still suck.
:'''Eve Torres''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, the permanent general manager of both Raw and Smackdown, and the man who beat John Cena last night, Mr. John Laurinaitis.
:''[John Laurinaitis' music plays again while Michael Cole applauds and John Laurinaitis comes to the stage in a scooter]''
:'''Michael Cole''': It's wonderful.
:'''Jerry''': Oh, my god.
:''[John Laurinaitis slowly get off scooter and uses a crutch]''
:'''John Laurinaitis''': John, after our match last night, I was rushed to the emergency room. The doctors said I have a possible broken clavicle, a possible damage to my ACL and PCL in my knee, and possible spinal injury, not to mention all the contusions all over my body. John, I cannot lift my left arm or move my left leg which indicates potential nerve damage. But that's okay because as I proved last night, when I'm in that ring, I'm a fierce competitor. But let me remind you, when I'm outside that ring, I'm a WWE executive. I wanna make sure you and everyone knows that you or anyone else cannot lay a finger on me again. If you do, you will be immediately terminated. But enough about me. I'd like to introduce to you the man who this past Saturday I rehired and actually gave a great bonus to. A man that in four weeks, John, you will face at the Izod Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey in a pay-per-view called &quot;No Way Out.&quot; That's right, John. The man who knocked you out, The Big Show.
:''[Big Show's music plays and Big Show comes to the stage]'':
:'''Jerry''': I don't know how this guy can even show his face out here. The Big Show, what...?
:'''Big Show''': Well, John, I'm sure you and everyone else would like an explanation for my actions. Quite frankly, none are you are entitled to my explanation. However, however I will say last week on this show, I was on my knees to this man doing something I have never done before, begging for my job. No one loves this business more than I do. Our fans, our superstars, our production and technical crew. I was so upset I actually found myself crying. All of you watched a grown man, a giant crying on worldwide television? ''[hears &quot;You're a sellout&quot; chants]'' I'm a sellout. Again, I get no sympathy from any of you. No sympathy! None! 18 years of my life, nothing! I did what I had to do! I did what each and every one of you what I've done! I have an ironclad contract now and I'm proud of it! How dare you, Cena? How dare you? How dare any of you, any of you judge me?! How dare you?! How dare you? Cena, I will be judging you... look at me! I will be judging you June 17th. There will be no way out because you, my friend, I'm gonna knock out.

=== May 28 ===
:'''Big Show''': ''[mock smiling]'' You see this? This is me doing my job. This... this is me smiling. Smiling. It was easy making you people smile. Tell you the truth, I didn't mind doing it. But make no mistake about it, it was a calculated business decision. I made a living at it. I was a business man. I just also happen to be a giant. See, but all that's over now. Oh, that's so nice. What. That's so good. That's why I love you all so much. See, the reason I don't have to do that anymore and put on that smile is because I have an ironclad contract. ''[hears &quot;Cena&quot; chants]'' I have an ironclad contract with a big fat bonus, which means I'm set for life. Which means I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, to whoever I want, and I don't have to be concerned about putting smiles on you people's faces. I'm 7-foot tall, 441 pounds. I am not an entertainer. I am a giant. Let's face it, people, there's no one in my league. There's no helmet, shoulder-pad, four month out-of-the-year NFL player. There's no toothpick, noodle arm NBA player. There's no phony UFC so-called fighter. And there is certainly, there is certainly not anyone in the WWE that is in my league. And maybe that's why. Maybe that's why not one single WWE superstar came to my defense... came to my defense when, at the most humiliating moment of my life, when I was on my knees begging for my job. Just minutes after I was begging, this happened. ''[clip shows from May 14]'' My tears were not even dry in the ring and Brodus Clay is out there dancing. DANCING! Two guys that I thought were my friends, Kofi and Truth, they're just out there yucking it up, having a good ol' time and... and you people, all of you waving, clapping, having a great time. It's fun, wasn't it? It was easy for you people just to... just to move on. ''[hears &quot;Cena&quot; chants again]'' You people... you people are so shallow. You're so phony. But after all that, there's one man, there's one guy that disappointed me even more than all of you and that man's name is John Cena. When I saw John Cena in the ring, I thought he was gonna confront John Laurinaitis. I thought he was gonna fight for me. I thought he was gonna fight for his friend. I thought... I thought Cena was gonna threaten in an entire WWE locker room mutiny unless John Laurinaitis hired me right there, right back on the spot. Instead, your hero, John Cena, did this. ''[clip shows from May 14]'' Cena made jokes. I guess that's all I am. I guess that's all I am to all of you people as well, just one big joke. Well, Cena hurt me when he decided he didn't care. And last week, I hurt him. I knocked John Cena out twice within 24 hours. Now, what I'm gonna do to John Cena at No Way Out, it won't be pretty. John Cena is not gonna be standing across the ring from a businessman, John Cena is gonna be standing across the ring from an unstoppable giant. You think John Cena suffered his greatest loss in his career when he lost at Wrestlemania to The Rock? You think John Cena suffered the worst beating of his life when he faced Brock Lesnar? You think John Cena suffered the most embarrassing moment of his career when he lost to John Lauriaitis at Over the Limit? At No Way Out, John Cena is gonna experience all three of those things in one night, and that... that ''[mock smiling]'' puts a smile on my face.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cody Rhodes''': Like I said, I respect what Christian has done, but again, he sits on the fence between classic and contemporary, in my opinion.
:'''Jerry''': What does that mean? What does that mean, &quot;sits on the fence&quot;?
:'''Cody''': Well, I'm trying to be nice, Jerry. It means he's old, old like you.

=== July 30 ===

:'''CM Punk''': &quot;WrestleMania moments&quot; are what most everybody in the locker room always talks about, everybody wants their WrestleMania moment. But last week, I had myself a ''Raw'' moment; it was a ''Raw'' moment that was bigger than most people's WrestleMania moments. But before I get into why I did exactly what I did to the Rock, I wanna shed some light on something. I want to bring to your attention the way ''Raw 1,000'' went off the air, I was uncomfortable with. I...it left a bad taste in my mouth. The way the 1,000th episode of ''Raw'' went off the air was with Jerry Lawler saying, and I quote, &quot;CM Punk has turned his back on the WWE Universe.&quot;
:''[He turns and looks right at Jerry. He leaves the ring and sits on the announcers' table looking right at him.]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Cat got your tongue, King? You did say that.
:'''CM Punk''': I don't get it, Jerry. I mean, I'm used to really bad, overly dramatic hyperbole on commentary, but...that was horrible, even for you. How do you jump to such a conclusion? I mean, if anything, it was you who turned your back on me because the last time I checked, the Rock was not the WWE Universe. The Rock is one single, solitary man. He's a larger-than-life, extremely charismatic...delusional movie star who came in and showed me, ''[holds up the WWE Championship]'' the WWE Champion, an incredible lack of respect.
:First off, he interrupted me, which is something nobody should ever do. He interrupted me, and when he went into his little tired shtick with Daniel Bryan, he acted as if I wasn't even in the ring. I was almost invisible to him. And then when he does what I can only imagine in his brain is lowering himself to talk to me, he tells me that he's been gifted with a championship match at the Royal Rumble, and he acts as if he's just going to take my championship from me? The respect he didn't show me, I showed him right then and there because he's lucky I didn't drop him on the spot. He...he's fortunate that I didn't hurt him right then and there. And then at the end of the night, ''Dwayne'' does what Dwayne does best, and he tries to make the show all about him. He tries to make ''Raw's'' 1,000th episode all about him. And that's exactly when I showed him the kind of man he's dealing with, come Royal Rumble. 'Cause this is not a popularity contest, this is not ballet, this is the WWE and ''I'' am its Champion. You understand me, Jerry?
:And what's the Rock's response been? We haven't heard from him in a week, which is funny to a guy like me because when he was battling with John Cena, you couldn't shut him up. But now...now the Rock has found his silence, and I know what that means. So when it comes to you and your little agenda, however you wanna spin, however you wanna spin it, you can say what I did or didn't do to John Cena, the 1,000th episode of ''Monday Night Raw'' ended the exact way every episode of ''Monday Night Raw'' should end—with the focus and the attention and the spotlight on the WWE Champion, ''[holds up the title again]'' the best wrestler in the world.

=== September 3 ===

:'''The Miz''': You know, he can make all the excuses in the world, but let's face it—Heath Slater needs to start turning his career around. Now Zack Ryder, on the other hand, look at him. This guy does everything, he goes above and beyond. Social media guru—this guy is on YouTube with his ''Z! True Long Island Story'', he's on Facebook, he's on Twitter, he's interactive with his WWE Universe, and that's why they love him so much.
:'''Michael Cole''': Yeah, well, what about Heath Slater? Come on, he's the &quot;One Man Band!&quot;
:'''The Miz''': I got a song he can cover. How about [[Beck|Beck's]] &quot;[[w:Loser (Beck song)|Loser]]&quot;?

=== September 10 ===

:'''Bret Hart''': Let me ask you this, John Cena: what are you gonna do to finally shut this phony little punk up?
:'''CM Punk''': &quot;Phony&quot;? &quot;Phony&quot;? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the people. Did you call me a phony?
:'''Bret''': A phony little punk.
:'''John Cena''': Hitman, let me handle this one. Yes, he called you a phony. Does that irritate you? Does that make you wanna come down here and maybe do something about it? If that's the case, I'm calling you a phony too. Two things happen at this point—you either stay up there, or you come down here. And there's forty feet of distance and three ropes between you and the worst decision of your life.
:'''CM Punk''': Well, if that isn't [[the pot calling the kettle black|the pot calling the kettle black]], I don't know what is. It's quite ironic, the biggest phony in World Wrestling Entertainment history decides to point his finger and cast judgment on its champion. Well, John-Boy, I don't need your judgment, and I don't need your permission. I do what I want, I do what I decide, and right now I've decided to come out here and defend my good name in the face of such rampant, ridiculous disrespect. It almost breaks my heart to see the two of you standing in the ring together. It makes me realize, wow, the Hitman and John Cena are so much alike; and trust me, that's not a compliment. You two can sit here, pat each other on the back, and have a little powwow and talk about how great the both of you were at being the top guy, and completely neglect to mention the fact that you were both unceremoniously surpassed by somebody far superior than yourselves. John, in your instance, I, of course, am speaking of me; and Hitman, in your case, obviously, I'm talking about Shawn Michaels. And by the way, you can't draw a line of comparison between CM Punk and Shawn Michaels. Not the old Shawn, not the new Shawn, because I am better than Shawn Michaels. Oh, hey, hey, Bret, Hitman, you remember that...that hillbilly you made pass out to your little Sharpshooter at [[w:WrestleMania 13|WrestleMania 13]]? Stone Cold Steve Austin? ''[like to a child]'' I'm better than him too.
:And I'm better than The Rock, and we all said, we all knew, and we all saw what I did to him in one night, when he showed me one iota of disrespect. Hell, John-Boy, I did in one night what you couldn't do in an entire calendar year. I am the best ''wrestler'', I am the best ''talker'', I am the best ''technician'', I am the best ''brawler''. And I don't say these things from a place of insecurity, and I apologize for your lack of self-confidence, but I say it because I am it! And that makes me anything but a phony.
:'''John Cena''': He's right. He's right. Because that last statement actually makes you a liar, a hypocrite, and a conceited scumbag. Congratulations! You can also add that to your resume.
:You know, listening to these people tonight, I realize that Montreal is a very honest city. For years, WWE has referred to this building as Bizarro World. Quite frankly, you folks are just honest. You tell us how you feel, whether it's something we wanna hear or not. Tonight, I'm gonna take a lesson from Montreal and actually hit you in the face with a dose of truth, whether you want to hear it or not.
:For 300 days, you have been WWE Champion; for 300 days, that championship has been irrelevant. Month after month, you watch main event by main event pass you by. And your excuse, that there's some sort of weird political conspiracy against you. But the fact is there is no you. You see, you have been here for many, many, many years, and the night you made the most noise was, ironically, the night your microphone was turned silent. Ah, I remember those days. Talk about change. Passionate, convicting talk of change. And then one triumphant night in Chicago, when you were the victor and the universe finally said, &quot;we get change!&quot; And they were lied to. They were fooled into a false claim, because change was not ice cream bars, change was not edgy television, change wasn't even new talent. All you meant by &quot;we want change&quot; is &quot;make CM Punk a star.&quot; You don't even know who CM Punk is.
:I remember in those rants that you once said that I'd become what I despise, in reference to success. No, I went from an underdog to an odds-on favorite, but I did it as me. Through all of this, through all of this, the wins, the losses, the championships, the year when I didn't win the big one at WrestleMania, the embarrassment, the humility, I've had to stand on my own two feet and do it...as me.
:Then there's you. You have changed your ideology numerous times, you've stabbed your friends in the back, you borrow colors from Hall-of-Famers, you steal the elbow of the late Randy Savage. All because you have yet to find you. I'm not saying you're not tough—I've been in the ring with you. And I'm not saying you're not accomplished. But your latest phase of development revolves around this. ''[Pointing to the WWE Championship]'' You think because you have this, you are justified respect. No, the reason you have that and have kept it is by any means necessary, and that does not define a champion in my eyes. So at Night of Champions, you're going to have to search for a new identity. You've been really, really loud these past weeks because you finally realize, at Night of Champions, you are in serious jeopardy of losing this.
:I didn't want to do this, but the city of Montreal has kind of owed me a favor, so I'm gonna pay one back to you. I'm a little rusty. ''Me je parle un petit Francais (I speak a little French). CM Punk﻿ parle qu'il va victoir avec la nuit de champion, mais je vais lui botter le cul.'' Which means...
:'''CM Punk''': Which means you have lowered yourself! You have lowered yourself to their level. To speak their language? To speak the languages of the locals? You have lowered yourself!
:'''John Cena''': ENOUGH! Enough. Listen up, Jack, I don't lower myself to them because they are the reason we are here! You are an ignorant son-of-a-bitch, and you need a little bit of respect! So, in English, what I said was, &quot;you ''say'' you're gonna win at Night of Champions, but I'm just gonna kick your ass!&quot;

=== November 26 ===

:'''Michael Cole''': Dean, Seth, Roman, been my pleasure to known you guys for a while now and worked with you down in the developmental territory in NXT. And it seems a bit odd though to be conducting this interview tonight under these circumstances. It was eight nights ago at Survivor Series, many people say that you came...
:'''Dean Ambrose''': Many people? Who are these people? Michael, if you got a question to ask us, just ask.
:'''Michael Cole''': Okay. Are you three working directly for WWE Champion CM Punk?
:'''Dean Ambrose''': Nope.
:'''Michael Cole''': Okay. So if you're not working for Punk, then why are you guys here?
:'''Seth Rollins''': Now that's the question, Michael. That's the question you should be asking. You see, we sat down in NXT and we saw things clearly. Crystal clear, actually. You see, everybody around here has to answer to the likes of the Vickie Guerreros and the Booker Ts. And Vickie and Booker, they have to answer to the Board of the Directors. And Board of Directors ultimately has to answer to the WWE Universe. The almighty WWE Universe. What is that, Michael? What is that? It's a popularity contest. And that's not right. That's wrong, Michael. We saw things heading in the wrong direction. We stepped in and righted those wrongs. Michael, we are a shield from injustice in WWE.
:'''Michael Cole''': I mean, come on, guys. There is no denying that everything you've done so far has benefited CM Punk.
:'''Seth Rollins''': Michael, it's coincidence. Happenstance. You ever heard of it?
:'''Dean Ambrose''': It's not about benefiting Punk. It's about right and wrong. CM Punk, the WWE Champion, was forced to defend his title in a Triple Threat Match against two guys he already had defeated. That's wrong. So we stepped in. If had been Ryback or Cena, we would have done the same thing. If Ryback was champion for 365 days and Punk tried to ruin his party, we would have intervened on Ryback's behalf. 365 days as champion in this era? That's a huge milestone. That should be celebrated, right?
:'''Michael Cole''': Roman, I would love to get your take on all this.
:'''Roman Reigns''': When I want to say something, I'll say it.
:'''Dean Ambrose''': Look, Cole, we see what you're getting at, okay? We hear everything you guys are saying. We read everything that's being written. Okay? We know what you guys are thinking. But we're not renegades, we're not mercenaries, we're not the Nexus, and if you're looking for the nWo, go buy the DVD. We are about principles. We're about honor. Where honor no longer exists, we're gonna step in. It's like he said: We're a shield from injustice.
:'''Seth Rollins''': Yeah.
:'''Dean Ambrose''': We're a shield from injustice. ''[The three look at each other and like the sound of it]'' We are [[w:The Shield (professional wrestling)|The Shield]].
:'''Michael Cole''': Okay, so...
:'''Roman Reigns''': Hey, I got something to say. We've said enough. This interview is over, man.

== 2013 ==

=== January 7 ===

:'''CM Punk''': The time has come to tell you all something very personal. You see, I keep my ear to the ground, and I hear everything everybody says, and for the past year and a half, the words &quot;pipe bomb&quot; have been completely misunderstood and misused. It doesn't seem anybody in the Universe understands what it means, anybody in this company doesn't understand what a pipe bomb is. Basically, what a pipe bomb is, in its truest form, is the truth. It's honesty. You boil it down, and the essence of a pipe bomb is exactly what all of you lack—honesty. Seems the perception of me is someone who was a little disgruntled, sat down on the stage in Las Vegas, and aired his grievances and said &quot;pipe bomb.&quot; I became the Voice of the Voiceless, and then maybe my ego was like a runaway train and I suddenly bitched and moaned and complained about respect and how I didn't get enough of it. And then I turned my back on the people.
:Well, that's a lie. Don't be mistaken. I meant everything I said when I said it, except the part about ice cream, 'cause I look out here and the last thing any of you people need is more bars of ice cream. But I was shortchanged and I was disrespected. And sure, I could have just swallowed that bitter pill and accepted my position in the company like everybody else in the back, or I could have left. Instead I made a conscious decision and I sold out. To you. To you, I sold out; to me, I cashed in. See, I created this persona, this rebel, this antihero that you all love to cheer for because I knew that you all love to cheer for your superheroes. Because here is the truth about Las Vegas, here is the truth about the WWE, is that it doesn't matter that if you're the best wrestler, it doesn't matter if you're the best talker, it doesn't matter if you're the best overall performer, it doesn't matter if you make the two clowns sitting to my left on commentary look like amateur hour. There is a glass ceiling and nobody is allowed to break it.
:That's the simple story of this place. The more popular you are, the more money you make. The more ''you'' people cheer for any given superstar, the more opportunities you're afforded. Why do you think a guy like John Cena, who has admittedly had the worst year of his career, gets title shot after title shot after title shot after title shot? Or why a lethal grappler, why a serious submission specialist like Daniel Bryan puts a smile on his face and saddles himself, belittles himself with catchphrases. Or why a 400 pound monster, Brodus Clay, soils his hands by touching your filthy, ugly, little children to get in the ring so he can shuck and jive for you. Or why an invisible child, Little Jimmy, is better positioned on the flagship show Monday Night RAW than a workhorse like Tyson Kidd.
:Look at them, they're doing it now. You're doing it now! You're falling for everything I say, you're playing into my hands, but this is the way it is and this is the way you want it because this is the way you handle it. It's easy, it's saccharine, it's simple to digest because you people can't handle anything complicated, you people can't stomach anything interesting. This is the way it's been since the beginning of the time. We're all here in the circus to entertain you. And nobody's ever been able to attain a modicum of success without ''you.''
:Except for now. Until I showed up. I've become the most successful WWE Champion of all time. Not of the modern era. No, that's another little buzzword that somebody backstage wants you to say. They probably wanna put it on a t-shirt. But that's the way you get noticed. You don't get noticed until you start to move a couple of t-shirts around here. If I... if I competed in Bruno Sammartino's era, I'd have been champion for 20 years, too. No, I'd have been champion for 30 years. Because wrestling one night a month at Madison Square Garden is easy. You never see a Hulk Hogan wrestle TLC matches against a superstar like Ryback. Because he had it easy. I wrestle physically demanding matches on free television, week in and week out. So much that my one year equals 30 of theirs. And I have attained this success, not... not because of you. I am successful not because of you. I am successful ''in spite'' of you.
:Now, I'm the most honest man in this building, I'm the most honest man in this company 'cause everybody else has got the same, old, tired crybaby story. They'll come out here and they'll say &quot;I do it for the people, I do it for all of you. Let's hear it for Tampa, Florida!&quot; Here's some honesty. I watched Roddy Piper smash a coconut over Jimmy Snuka's head and I sure as hell didn't say &quot;Golly Gee! I can't wait to go electrify the people of Tampa Bay, Florida.&quot; No! Because I don't care about the people of Tampa Bay, Florida.
:There's good guys and there's bad guys in this world, and make no mistake about it, ladies and gentlemen, I am a bad, bad man and I can freely admit it. But Ric Flair will come out here and he'll cry his 182-year eyes out and say &quot;Oh, I did it for all of you.&quot; Now they're wooing. Shawn Michaels can come out here and lose his smile and find his smile, but then in a... in a tearful Hall of Fame speech, he'll say that his entire career was just to gain your acceptance. Then a man like Edge is forced to retire and he'll say that he misses competing for people like you. Now, these people, these men are either weak, or they're dishonest and they're liars. It's either one or the other. But I— I'm neither weak nor dishonest. I'm the best in the world.
:Two types of people on this earth. Those born to be in the spotlight, and those born to pay to see the people in the spotlight. Ladies and gentlemen, there's winner and losers. Guess which one you are. You're born to pay to see champions like me, it's not the other way round. And I'll be the first guy to come out here and admit it, I'm honest. I have never ever done this for any of you. There's superstars and there's nobodies. I am a superstar, you are all nobodies. And I'm a real superstar. Those real superstars, hell, if they're your friends, why don't they come out here and give you the millions and millions of dollars they earn? Why don't they line your pockets? 'Cause that's... that's not your position on earth.
:Uh, I'm being told that we have to take a commercial break. I'm not done, let me explain something to you. Let me explain something to everybody in the truck. We don't go to break when you wanna go to break. We go to break when the Champ wants to go to break! Listen up and understand something 'cause the Rock's gonna come out here and he's gonna talk a whole lot. Well, I will now tell you the most important thing you're gonna hear tonight. ''[Pointing to random people in the audience]'' You do not matter, you do not matter, you do not matter. None of you matter. What you want doesn't matter. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
[after commercial break]
:'''CM Punk''': So I stand here on the first Raw of 2013 your WWE Champion, and I promise you in one years time, I will stand in this ring on the first Raw of 2014 still your WWE Champion. What fuels me is your constant disappointment in your self-appointed superheroes to be able to drag this title away from me, and now The Rock has come back, but it's not gonna change the fact, that I am the WWE Champion. And I'm not gonna let The Rock tear down everything that I fought so hard to attain, no no no no no no no..... not at all, no, in 2011, when I defeated Alberto Del Rio for this title at Madison Square Garden, I didn't just beat Alberto Del Rio, I beat the system. And every time after that, when I beat one of your superheroes, and I don't care if it was John Cena, Ryback, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, any of the litany of Superstars that I defeated, I wasn't just beating them, I was beating all of you. And for 414 days, that's exactly what I've done. In your face, jerks. I have beaten you. I have stomped you out under my oppressive boot and I'm gonna do the same thing to The Rock because I don't care if he's back, you all do not get to win. You are losers. You do not get to win. You do not...(The Rock theme song comes on)

:'''The Rock''': The Rock had to hear it all. The Rock wanted to wait until you said everything you had to say, so the Rock knew exactly the kind of man he's dealing with at the Royal Rumble. And now it's become crystal clear to the Rock. You are straight up delusional. You keep mentioning that number 414. 414 days you've been WWE champion. That's incredible, incredible. The real number, it ain't 414, Jack. The real number that haunts your dreams is 20. 20 excuses running around your mind right now. 20 hairs standing up on your straight edge scrotum. Because you know, you know in 20 days you're gonna be defending that WWE Championship against the Rock which means in 20 days you know, the Rock knows, they know, in 20 days, time's up.
:You wanted change, you wanted a revolution. You say that when you became WWE Champion, you rejected the people. No, no, no, no. The people rejected you. You talked about change, you couldn't do it. You talked about revolution, you couldn't do it. You came out and you promised everybody ice cream bars. Ice cream bars for everybody! And you couldn't even do that. You couldn't provide ice cream if the Dairy Queen, Carvel, and Cookie Puss drove an ice cream truck straight up your ass.
:I want you to listen to something. Listen to something, Punk, listen. That's— voices. Voices. You claim, you claim to be the voice of the voiceless, but that's a bunch of hot garbage because here in the WWE Universe, there ain't no such thing as the voiceless. They have...they have voices. And they love to use their voice. They use it every single night. Every night they use their voices. As a matter of fact, as a matter of fact, they know something special is getting ready to happen right now. They're gonna use their voice, they're gonna chant the loudest chant you have ever heard. They're gonna chant, they're gonna chant something that is gonna follow you for the rest of your life. They're gonna chant, They're not gonna chant &quot;respect,&quot; they're not gonna chant &quot;best in the world,&quot; they're gonna chant exactly what you are. In three seconds they're gonna chant, &quot;Cookie Puss, Cookie Puss.&quot;
:'''Crowd''': ''[chant]'' Cookie Puss! Cookie Puss!
:'''CM Punk''': Be the puppets that you are. He got you chanting about ice cream the same way I did a year and a half ago. Congratulations. They still don't get to win. You don't get to win.
:'''The Rock''': They don't get to win? They don't get to win? Oh, they've already won! They've already won. See, that's something you fail to realize. They've already won. They won the moment the Rock woke up this morning at 4:00 AM. The Rock woke up this morning at 4:00 AM. He sent out his early morning tweet to the world. Then the Rock ate his famous pancakes. Then the Rock went to the gym, clanging and banging and clanging and banging. Then the Rock got in his pickup truck and he drove up right up I-75, right through Alligator Alley! Right through Alligator Alley, so the Rock can stand right here, right here in the middle of this ring in front of you, in front of them, in front of the world and proudly say: Finally the Rock has come back to Tampa!
:You see, Punk, it's not just that the Rock is back. No, it's ''why'' the Rock is back. Here's why the Rock is back. For three reasons. The Rock is back to entertain them. The Rock is back to stop you. And after ten long years, ten long years, the Rock is back to win ''[points to WWE Championship]'' that.
:The Rock has watched the show. Every Monday Night RAW watching you, watching you, your deceiving, your backpedaling, your lying. The Rock would watch the TV and he'd scream at the TV &quot;Good God Almighty, somebody tell this man they respect him, just so he shut his punk ass up. And while you're at it, somebody show this man a doctor.&quot; Is there a doctor in the house? Because a man who claims that he's straight edge, he's running around here looking exactly like Popeye on crack. Look at you. Punkeye the crackhead. All you need right now is a little thing in your mouth, a little, ''toot-toot!''
:CM Punk. CM Punk, you have one of the most creative and innovative minds in the history of the WWE. The Rock knows it. You fail to use it. You became WWE Champion and you also became the biggest jerk the world has ever seen. The Rock can look you in the eye and tell you this with all passion and with all heart. When the Rock is here, don't you ever say the people don't matter. They matter. They've always mattered. You're the one that doesn't matter.
:'''CM Punk''': Oh, I matter. I'm the most successful...
:'''The Rock''': IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU MATTER! The only thing that matters is that you understand, you get it straight in your head that at Royal Rumble, there ain't no way, and the Rock means NO WAY, you're gonna stop the Rock from becoming WWE Champion.
:'''CM Punk''': Unlike a lot of people I'm glad you're back. I don't care what your schedule is. I don't care if you work here 16 days a year or 365 days a year. You could be Santa Claus and have his schedule, one day a year. I'd still kick your ass. I don't care how many movies you film every year. I know how hard that schedule probably is, but every time you come back, whenever you decide to grace us with your presence, I'm gonna kick your ass. Because this isn't candy land. I'm like nobody you've ever faced before. You can make fun of the color of my t-shirt and you can talk about pie and you can sing songs and you can rhyme, and you can do your tired, lame-ass schtick. I just want you to know that come Royal Rumble, and you have about three weeks to realize this, I'm gonna kick your ass 'cause I'm the best in the world. I'm the best thing going today. I'm the best guy you've ever stepped foot in the ring with. And you need to understand, congratulations, Rock, you just graduated from the kiddie table, but you just bit off more than you can chew. You're playing little league with your little insults and your rhymes and your &quot;millions and millions&quot; and your &quot;finallys&quot;. And I'm in the big leagues and I'm swinging for the fence. You need to understand that your little jabs and your insults, it's all kiddie games. You can't leave a mark on the Champ's face. Come Royal Rumble, understand, when you step in the ring, your arms are just too short to box with God.
:'''The Rock''': You may think that the Rock is boxing with God. But the Rock knows for a fact you are going one-on-one with the Great One. Don't you think... don't you think for one single, solitary second that the Rock doesn't know how bad you are, how dangerous you are, how tough you are. The Rock knows that. 414 days. The Rock knows the last time we were in the middle of this ring you hit the Rock with a GTS and you knocked him out cold. Cold as a block of ice. The Rock didn't forget it. You hurt the Rock. You embarrassed the Rock. He said it before, he'll say it again. In 20 days, time's up.
:But here's the thing. This is what the Rock wants you to do— from now until then. The Rock wants you to go home and think about the next 20 days. As a matter of fact, the Rock wants you to go home and look in the mirror. As a matter of fact, the Rock wants you to go home, look in the mirror and strip naked. That's what the Rock wants you to do. Go ahead and look at yourself. Don't concentrate on your Cookie Puss. Turn around and look at your backside. Turn around, look at your backside and let's try and find a small space on this body that's not covered in ugly tattoos because the Rock wants you to get two more tattoos. Some more tattoos. Here's the thing. Go ahead, on your left butt cheek the Rock wants you to get a tattoo of a big, fat M&amp;M. And then add a Snickers, a Milky Way, a Mounds. You can't have an Almond Joy because unlike you, Almond Joys actually have nuts. And then... and then on your right butt cheek, this is what the Rock wants you to do. The Rock wants you to get a tattoo of the Rock's size 15 shoe, so you will have a lifetime reminder of how badly the Rock is gonna kick your candy ass at Royal Rumble.

=== January 14 ===
:''[The Rock has an Eric Clapton song for Vickie Guerrero]''
:'''The Rock''': Late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear.
:She puts on her makeup. She brushes her short, black hair
:And then she'll ask me, &quot;Do I look alright?&quot;
:And I said, &quot;No biatch! You look [[w:Wonderful Tonight|horrible tonight]].&quot;
 
:You abuse all your powers. Waste everybody's time.
:You dress like a hooker... not the expensive kind.
:So get your ass to the airport, take a one-way flight,
:Because biatch, you look horrible tonight.
:I said biatch, you look horrible tonight.
:'''Vickie Guerrero''': Are you kidding me?!?! How dare you do that to me?! How dare you?!?
:'''The Rock''': Hold on Vickie, don't go anywhere, cause we wanna sing you out. We'll sing goodbye properly ''[audience joins in]'' &quot;We said biatch, you look horrible tonight.&quot; ''[Vickie slowly walks out]'' Houston, Texas, that is one horrible-looking beeyatch.

=== April 8 ===

:'''Josh Mathews''': How does it feel to be the new World Heavyweight Champion?
:'''Dolph Ziggler''': You know, Josh, I have been too damn good for too damn long. Now I knew, I ''knew'' I just needed the right time and the right place, and I found it tonight. Now I know it's the day after, but this...''this'' is my WrestleMania moment! I'm the showoff, 'cause I'm gonna take my new championship, shine it up, and show it off. It's about damn time.


:'''Fans''': DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!! - Fans singing Fandango's theme
:THANK YOU BIG SHOW - The fans when Big Show attacked Randy Orton and Sheamus
:WE WANT ZIGGLER - Fans during the Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter vs Alberto Del Rio match


=== July 8 ===

:'''Bray Wyatt''': I have no followers, I have only brothers and sisters, all in the name of cause. People are sheep, you understand me? They can't lead themselves, they need to be lead. People buy and sell fear. They worship war, they crave war. But I'm not afraid of their wars. I created war! And I think it's time for the masses to wake up, wake up, WAKE UP! Wake up and look at this lie they're living in man! The world is deteriorating between their toes, and they do nothing about it. They only stand there, they whisper and wonder but never do anything about it! But I've seen it all in my dreams and in my thoughts, and above everything else, I understand. This is not the beginning, it's the end. We're here.

=== July 15 ===

:'''Paul''': You know what I'm looking at right now? I'm looking at an empty ring because in ''my'' world, you don't exist. Try this one on for size—am I lying? In 2005, WWE had no vision for you. CM Punk was a figment of Paul Heyman's imagination. And what did I do? I took you in, I befriended you, I taught you, I trained you, I ''martyred my entire career'' for you. And then we reached the holy grail together. ''We'' were the reigning, defending WWE Champion for 434 days. ''We'' were the longest-reigning WWE Champion of the past 25 years. ''We'' came within an ''inch'' of breaking the Undertaker's streak at [[WrestleMania##WrestleMania 29|WrestleMania]]. ''We'', CM Punk, ''we'' were the best in the world. And here's part of the equation you seem to forget about—without me, there is no we. Without Paul Heyman, CM Punk, you're not the best in the world.
:''[To audience]'' See, you can boo that all you want, 'cause everybody's been stopping me and asking me the same question: &quot;Paul Heyman, what happened here? Why, Paul Heyman? Why did you betray CM Punk? Paul Heyman, you are a Judas!&quot;
:Here's the truth, because I'll tell you why I have such an aversion to the truth. Because the truth is a lot harder pill to swallow, Mr. Straight Edge, than a spin on things. The truth is, you failed ''us'' when you couldn't defeat the Undertaker at WrestleMania. And when you went home, you found yourself. And CM Punk comes back to WWE...and you think you're better than me. CM Punk—better than Paul Heyman.
:So I lied to you. I manipulated you. I played you because you can never claim that CM Punk dumped Paul Heyman. No, history is going to write that Paul Heyman dumped CM Punk! You didn't want a business relationship with me, you wanted to keep it personal. So I made it as personal as I could possibly make it. Come on, you know this to be true. Here's the truth—you have no family. You're estranged from your own mother and father, you have no wife, you have no children. All you have ''[indicating the crowd]'' is them. All you have is the WWE Universe. All you have is their admiration! All you have is their respect! All you have is their affirmation! Listen to them!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' CM PUNK!
:'''Paul''': And all you want, all you crave, all you need in your life is the WWE Championship. You took my best friend away from me, and I took your chance at the WWE Title away from you and each and every one of them! You're gonna find out, as bad a reputation as I have in business, I'm a whole lot worse personally. And here's the kicker to it all, ''best friend, brother, business son'', man who wouldn't be my client. You made me swear on my children, but it was my children who made me see this so clear. &quot;Daddy, why doesn't Punk listen to you like Brock listens to you? Daddy, isn't Brock going to hurt Punk? Daddy, can Punk beat Brock Lesnar?&quot;
:And if you wanna know why I double-crossed you, why I betrayed you, why I cost you your opportunity to cash in Money in the Bank and go for the WWE Title, here's the harshest truth of them all—I betrayed you because, CM Punk, you can't beat Brock Lesnar!
:'''CM Punk''': Are you done? You wanna talk about the truth? I saw first-hand [[w:Money in the Bank (2013)|last night]] that the truth does hurt. And maybe I should have seen it coming, but damn it, Paul, I trusted you. And all I have to show for it now is these thirteen staples in my head. But another truth is that you know me better than anybody, and you know when I'm lying, and you know when I'm telling the truth, and you know when I want something bad enough, I am the most relentless man on the planet. And I will not stop until I get it! And the truth is, Paul, I'm gonna get you.
:This time, ''I'' swear on ''your'' children that I am gonna get you. And I will get everybody that conspired against me, every single one of your associates, everybody who profited from it, everybody who had knowledge of it, anybody who enjoyed it. Your friends, your clients, your family, anybody in between the time I get my hands on you and now that steps in between you and I and opens their eyes at me, I will get my hands on and I will rip apart and I will hurt!
:You want the truth? The truth is, you don't have a future, because I'm gonna burn down everything around you until you're the last man standing, and I'm gonna keep you alive just long enough to look you in the eye and hurt you worst of all! So tell me, you son-of-a-bitch! Am I lying?!
:'''Paul''': No. No, you're not lying, and since you want to tip your hand and tell me I have a lack of a future, let me spell your immediate future out for you. ''[Kneels down and mocks CM Punk's opening ritual]'' IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!!!

=== July 29 ===

:'''Bray''': ''[to Kane]'' I heard you like to call yourself &quot;the Devil's Favorite Demon.&quot; But you, sir, are ''NO DEMON!'' And the Devil? No, man...shh, shh, shh. Kane, I'd like to let you in on a little secret now. You ought to be careful who you say those things in front of, because you never know ''[whispering] who might be listening.'' FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS!!!

=== August 26 ===

:'''AJ Lee''': OMG, you guys, I just watched last night's episode of ''Total Divas'', and it was insane. Oh, my gosh. The Bellas were dealing with their obvious daddy issues, the Funkadactyls broke up and got back together again, Natalya's fiance isn't much of a man...and the other two were also there. It was great, it really was, and...it was the end of the world, and it's only Sunday nights on the E! Network!
:Do you want to know what I see when I look in that ring? Honestly? A bunch of cheap, interchangeable, expendable, useless women. Women who have turned to reality television 'cause they just weren't gifted enough to be actresses. And they just weren't talented enough to be Champion. I have saved your Divas division, I have shattered glass ceilings, I have broken down doors. Why? So...so a bunch of ungrateful, stiff, plastic mannequins can waltz on through without even as much as a &quot;thank you&quot;?
:You guys can't even go backstage and shake my hand and look me in the eye because you know that I worked my entire life to get here. I gave my life to this, and you were just handed fifteen minutes of fame! I didn't get here because I was cute or because I came from some famous wrestling family or because I ''sucked''...up to the right people. I got here because I am good. I earned this championship. And no matter how many red carpets you guys wanna walk down in your $4,000 ridiculous heels, you will never be able to lace up my Chuck Taylors. You're all worthless excuses for women, and you will never be able to touch me, and ''that'' is reality.

=== September 9 ===

:'''Michael Cole''': What is your problem with the cast of ''Total Divas''?
:'''AJ Lee''': My problem with the cast of ''Total Divas'' is that they're the cast of a reality show. They are not here for this title.
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[back to the match]'' The Rear View by Naomi. If she connects with that on Sunday...
:'''AJ Lee''': This is what is reality, this championship. And you know what? All week long, these girls have been Tweeting about me, talking about me, yelling to .com, crying and screaming. You know why? They're complaining and IMing their every single thought because they know I'm right and I'm getting to them.
:'''JBL''': Is that how fights start nowadays, you Tweet each other?
:'''AJ Lee''': For them, apparently; I said what I had to say to their face.
:'''Jerry''': So you have no desire to go on that reality show and really mix it up with those girls?
:'''JBL''': It's certainly a big hit.
:'''AJ Lee''': I have the date I won this title [https://twitter.com/WWEAJLee/status/374621087474384896/photo/1 tattooed on the back of my neck]. This is all I care about.
:'''Jerry''': So...any other tattoos?
:'''AJ Lee''': I think I'm a little too old for you, Jerry—I'm 26, I know you like 'em younger.

=== October 21 ===

:'''Paul Heyman''': Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It's an execution live on WWE pay-per-view, as &quot;The Best in the World&quot; CM Punk straps me into the electric chair, puts the poison into my veins, lines me up in front of the firing squad and pulls the trigger himself! For the first time ever — and for the first time ever again — it will never, ever happen...as a non-participant actually gets locked inside of a cell with a man who does not spend his night fantasizing about the ''Divas''. CM Punk spends his night fantasizing and obsessing about the massacre he wants to inflict upon Paul Heyman. CM Punk wants to take me down, take me out, DRIVE ME AWAY from WWE forever!
:But just like when a volcano is trapped inside of a dormant mountain, when that volcano finally erupts, ''[now screaming] and the lava — the molten lava — drips down the side of the mountain... I'm just like that lava! I'm red-hot! I'm out of control! And all of the villagers, with the lava pouring down into their houses, destroying their cars, suffocating and melting their flesh, and the villagers are going, &quot;Run for your lives! Run for your lives! Run for your lives!&quot; They're the ones that love and worship CM Punk! And I'm the one''...that has a different strategy.
:Because I'm not all filled with emotion like CM Punk, Renee. I'm cold-hearted. And I'm calculated. And I'm in control...the same way I have controlled CM Punk all of these years. The same way I control my monster, Ryback. And CM Punk cannot get past my monster, Ryback, which means CM Punk can't get his hands on me. Which is why Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, I'm not locked in a cell with CM Punk, CM Punk is locked in a cell with me.

=== December 9 ===

:''[The WWE Championship and World Heavyweight Championship hanging in the ring, with twenty former World Champions standing]''
:'''Randy Orton''': Better than anyone, I know what you are capable of; but I also know what you're ''not'' capable of. Remember years ago, when you were making a name for yourself, you claimed you had ruthless aggression. Well, if you had it then, you don't have it anymore because ''if'' you did, you would've put me in the hospital last Monday night on ''Raw''. But you didn't. You couldn't do it, you didn't have the stomach, and you're gonna regret that decision for the rest of your life after this Sunday.
:Now last week, John, you said that I had all the God-given natural ability in the world, but that I had gotten lazy. I did not get lazy. Sometimes, when you're that much better than all of your peers, you lack motivation, you get complacent. But John, John, fear not. I have all the motivation I need to beat your ass that Sunday at TLC ''[pointing at the titles] hanging right here!''
:You say that you don't care about being the face of the WWE, but that's...that's a lie. I know you, John. Image is everything to you. But you're gonna be the man that lost the most important match in the history of the WWE. Meanwhile...
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''Randy''': ''Meanwhile,'' I am the greatest Superstar of this generation or any other! Just look around you! Look at these men in this ring! Look at Mick Foley back there! Hey, Mick! I took years off of his career. I took years, literally years off of his life! Where's HBK? ''[Shawn waves from behind Triple H]'' Showstopper Shawn Michaels, Mr. WrestleMania, I've embarrassed him on multiple occasions. And there wouldn't have even had to have been a [[w:Montreal Screwjob|screwjob in Montreal]] if I was competing 16 years ago—where are you, Bret—because I would've left you laying unconscious in the middle of that ring.
:John Cena, I need you to understand something. This Sunday at TLC, everything that you have worked so hard for, everything that you have fought so hard for, will come crashing down all around you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''John Cena''': It's funny. I couldn't help but notice you said the word, &quot;work.&quot; A little example, for one second. ''[Brings Daniel Bryan front and center, to the cheers and &quot;YES!&quot; chants of the Seattle crowd]'' Tell these people your name, please.
:'''Daniel''': My name is Daniel Bryan.
:'''John''': We'll get to know you a little bit more. Daniel, where are you from?
:'''Daniel''': I'm from Aberdeen, Washington.
:'''JBL''': Wherever that is.
:'''John''': Was either your father or your mother ever a Superstar, Hall of Fame, WWE Superstar at all? Father or mother, either one.
:'''Daniel''': No, my dad's a log scaler actually.
:'''JBL''': What?
:'''John''': So since you've been here, you've have to...''work'' for everything you've got.
:'''Daniel''': Yes.
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''John''': ''[back to Randy]'' You hear that? The reason they cheer for him is because he works and he earns it! A guy like you has been given ''every single thing'' in the WWE!
:I'm about to hit you in the face with some truth. Ever since you came to the WWE Training Center, you were untouchable. You were bulletproof. You couldn't be fired. Nobody could touch Randy Orton because ''they'' liked you. And then you get to the WWE, and what happens? You get sheltered by the best performer in the business. Nothing's changed, Randy. All do you is hide behind Triple H; all you do is hide behind Stephanie McMahon; and you got the balls to stand in this ring and say you're better that everybody here?! Say you're bigger than all of this?!
:You have ''always'' blamed everybody else for your failures, you've pointed fingers, and you've made excuses. You've had behavior problems in the ring, you've had behavior problems ''outside'' the ring. And the sad thing is, the TLC match this Sunday is the biggest in WWE history. That's why everybody is here tonight. This changes the very course of the WWE. But you want these championships because you're ''selfish!'' Because you feel you deserve it! And maybe, just maybe, if you hold onto this, you can finally walk around with the rest of the Superstars and say, &quot;Hey, guys, look. I'm finally what I was supposed to be ten years ago.&quot;
:Every single time I have held either of these championships, my business card reads the same: &quot;You want some? Come get some!&quot;
:And here's the real truth. Whether these guys in the ring like me or not, they respect me because they know it. Whether it's Triple H or Shawn Michaels in a WrestleMania match, whether it's Booker T. Hell, nobody wanted to give Dolph Ziggler a chance, and what did I do? I said, &quot;Let's fight.&quot; Everybody said it was a bad idea to give CM Punk a championship match when he was gonna leave the WWE; all I saw was the best in the world. Hell, the ''only'' legitimate championship shot Daniel Bryan's ever had was against me, and he won! ''[Turns to Daniel]'' So I'll say it here in front of your hometown. If I win on Sunday, ''[shakes his hand]'' I look forward to the rematch. A ''fair'' rematch.
:You see, that's what being a champion is all about—a certain level of respect. And last week, I wasn't gonna take you out. I just wanted to make a statement that when the chips are down, I can be just as brutal as you. So right now, I'm gonna make one more statement because I know exactly what this means. ''[Sticks out his hand]'' This Sunday will be physical and it will be brutal, and I will be at my very best. I just hope you are too, because after this Sunday, the last thing anyone is gonna wanna deal with is just another Randy Orton excuse. Good luck on Sunday, you're gonna need it.

=== December 30 ===

:'''Bray Wyatt''': ''[to a beaten-down Daniel Bryan]'' This is where our story ends. I have no mercy left to give! It could've been different, it could've been better, it could've been ''perfect!'' No, this is your fault. I'm gonna punish you. I want you to open your eyes. ''[Pulls Daniel by the hair]'' Open your eyes and look at your dismay! Open your eyes, Bryan! This is the end.
:'''Daniel''': You're right.
:'''Bray Wyatt''': Say it again. Say that again.
:'''Daniel''': You're right.
:'''Bray Wyatt''': Say it again! Say it again! Get up and say it again! Say it!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' NO!
:'''Bray Wyatt''': ''[indicating the mic]'' You want this? ''[Bray hands it to Daniel]'' Say it!
:'''Daniel''': You're right. You were always right. No matter how many matches I won, no matter how loud these people cheered for me, you were always right. The machine...the machine would never let me win. No matter how loud you people chanted. You chanted &quot;YES!&quot; in every building I've ever been to, and they don't care. I'm yours. Let me join the Family.
:''[Daniel crawls to Bray. Bray picks up Daniel, kisses him on the forehead, and hits him with Sister Abigail.]''
:'''Bray Wyatt''': Remember, Bryan, this is forever. This is going to change everything!

== 2014 ==

=== March 3 ===

:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[on the Chicago crowd chanting &quot;CM PUNK!&quot;]'' I believe he deserves louder than that!
:'''Fans''': ''[chanting]'' CM PUNK!
:''[Paul sits in the middle of the ring]''
:'''Paul''': I came here tonight to tell the story of a Paul Heyman guy. A Paul Heyman guy that was never truly wanted in WWE; a Paul Heyman guy that they thought was too small to main-event WrestleMania; a Paul Heyman guy that didn't have the right corporate look; a Paul Heyman guy that had too many tattoos; a Paul Heyman guy that would rebel against the current system, against the authority, against the first family to such a degree that they didn't want him in WWE from day one, and they don't want him in WWE right now. I came here tonight to tell you the story of a Paul Heyman guy that had the balls to say what nobody else had the balls to say. I came here tonight to tell you about a Paul Heyman guy that was born in, raised in and still lives in Chicago. My name is Paul Heyman, and, ladies and gentlemen, this is my pipe bomb about CM Punk...who is not here this evening.
:And here's the biggest part of my pipe bomb. ''[crowd chants louder]'' Hey, if you're looking for me to disagree with you, I'm sorry, I don't. No one is more disappointed that he can't see CM Punk perform in this ring tonight than I am. No one. Because if CM Punk were here tonight, he would be doing exactly what he always claimed to do, he would be proving his detractors wrong and he would be showing the entire WWE Universe that he is the best in the world.
:So what really happened? Why isn't CM Punk here tonight? Why won't anyone talk about CM Punk any more? Because there is a finger to point around here, there is someone to blame, there is someone to hold accountable why CM Punk just wouldn't just wouldn't put up with it anymore. And ladies and gentlemen, there comes a time where you have to risk your own job security and point that finger of blame; and tonight, in this very ring, I point the blame for the fact that CM Punk is not here tonight, I point that finger at each and every single one of you!
:Oh, you can boo me all you want. The truth hurts, doesn't it? This is why I've always found it so much easier in life to lie. People accept lies so much easier, but the truth does sting just a little bit, doesn't it? The fact is, when CM Punk was with me, CM Punk was the longest-reigning WWE Champion of the past twenty-five years. I provided CM Punk the bosom from which his soul could be nourished. And then, then, ''you'' took him away from me. You made CM Punk ''your'' hero, you said you would give CM Punk ''your'' love, ''your'' affection, ''your'' respect, ''your'' affirmation. And how far did it get you? You didn't just take CM Punk away from me, you took CM Punk away from yourselves.
:I don't just blame each and every single one of you, I blame someone else as well: I blame the Undertaker. Because this entire downward spiral began when we couldn't beat the Streak at last year's WrestleMania. And if anyone wants to carry a message to the Undertaker, carry this: Paul Heyman wants revenge. So how do you get revenge against the Undertaker? How do you kill what's already dead? The fact is, I want to see the Streak taken away from the Undertaker. And there's only one man on the face of the planet that can do it. I want that Streak beaten, I want the Undertaker stripped of the streak, I want the streak conquered. And there's only one man that can conquer that Streak, ''[Paul stands up]'' and he's my best friend in the world. He is the conqueror, he is the beast incarnate, Brock Lesnar!

=== March 10 ===

:'''Bray Wyatt''': ''[to Hulk Hogan and John Cena]'' I have always been fascinated with pride. It is my favorite sin. It has the power to blind even the strongest men, even those who claim to be immortal. Hey kids, take your vitamins and say your prayers! All praise be to the virtue of hustle, loyalty, and respect, as if they can do you any good.
:You are both liars, and your foolish pride allows you to prey upon the weak and fill them up with this hope. But hope is dead, as will be your legacy, John. I can see it in your eyes. You don't get it. And how could you possibly get something that you can't comprehend?! But I'll lay it out for you, John, right now. If you look up at me, you will see a friend; if you look down at me, you will see an enemy; but if you look at me square in the eyes, you will see a god.
:'''John Cena''': Do you even listen to all that weird crap you're saying? You just said pride was the fall of man, and then you follow up by saying when I look at you, I should see a god. I look at you and I don't see a god. I see a homeless dude that spent too many years ''[singing] wastin' away again in Margaritaville, lookin' for his lost shaker of salt.''
:Oh, no, no, no, you didn't find any salt. You found two goons, a tiki torch, and a rocking chair from Cracker Barrel. And now you think you can waltz out here in a Hawaiian shirt and a fedora and be somebody? Well, I say prove it.

===April 7===
:'''Paul''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and it is the greatest privilege of my career to serve as the advocate for the Beast Incarnate, ''Brock Lesnar!'' The conqueror of the Undertaker's Streak, a streak that lasted nearly a quarter of a century. A quarter of a century that ended in three seconds at the hands of the conqueror, Brock Lesnar!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chant]'' BULLSHIT!
:'''Paul''': I understand how you feel. You're in shock, which shows me your lack of intelligence, because we hate to say we told you so, but ladies and gentlemen, ''WE TOLD YOU SO!!!'' My client stood before you with a shirt. Now, here it is, and I know how difficult it is for you to read, but it says, ''[pointing across Brock's shirt]'' &quot;Eat, sleep, break the Streak&quot;! And you had the temerity to doubt the strategy of the greatest manager in sports-entertainment history, Paul Heyman, or the physical credentials of the most dominant athlete in WWE ever, Brock Lesnar! Hey, let's get one thing straight. Brock Lesnar is not here to put smiles on people's faces; Brock Lesnar is here to shock the WWE Universe and put tears in the eyes of children.
:But now that you know all the headlines, let’s go a little bit off-page and shoot from the hip, shall we? Five seconds after walking through the curtain at WrestleMania, the Undertaker collapsed, and all the... ''[turns to audience]'' Oh, I know you don't want to hear this story, do you; it's a little too real for you. So as all the paramedics and the doctors are panicking, and there's chaos backstage, the most ruthless man to ever have the pleasure of meeting me, the chairman of the board, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, left WrestleMania and rode to the hospital with the Undertaker. The Undertaker is being treated today for a severe concussion. He came ''[holds fingers about an inch apart]'' this close to a broken neck, this close to a cracked skull, and the greatest thing the Undertaker ever did was not getting his shoulder up on that third F-5 because, if he did, he ''would'' have had a broken neck, Brock Lesnar ''would'' have cracked his skull. Brock Lesnar was prepared to beat on the Undertaker to such a degree that the complexion of this television show would have changed tonight because Brock wasn't done until the Streak was dead.
:Here's what really gets to me. When the match was over, ''[points to announcers]'' {{W|John Layfield|John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield}} and {{W|Michael Cole (wrestling)|those two}} {{W|Jerry Lawler|other things}} that call themselves announcers stood up and gave a standing ovation along with 80,000 other people in the Superdome—''Super''dome, Hogan, not ''Silver''dome—and gave a standing ovation to the Undertaker. Gave a standing ovation to the guy that lost the fight. Here's what I don't understand. Brock Lesnar always taught me, in every fight, there's a winner and a loser. Well last night, the Undertaker was a ''loser,'' and the winner, whether you like it or not, was ''BROCK LESNAR!!!''
:But since this is supposed to be the wildest crowd of the year, you should all feel empowered because each and every single one of you is exactly like every single member of that WWE locker room. You're all a bunch of wannabes. When Brock Lesnar walked through that curtain last night, nobody gave him a standing ovation. Everybody looked down. Do you know why? Because nobody respected Brock Lesnar, which is fine for Brock because Brock respects nobody. He barely tolerates me, and he certainly doesn't respect someone who's gonna fly in from around the world to sit here on the Monday after WrestleMania trying to get noticed on worldwide TV!
:So notice ''this'', okay? There's a lot of people in the back who sit there and say, &quot;I could've been the one to jump from the ring to the Octagon.&quot; But Daniel Bryan never fought in an Octagon, John Cena never fought in an Octagon, the Undertaker never fought in an Octagon! You know why?! They're all wannabes; Brock Lesnar is the one! There's a lot of people who wanted to be the NCAA Division I Heavyweight Champion, the Ultimate Fighting Champion, the Undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion. The Rock never pulled that off, Hulk Hogan never pulled that off, Stone Cold Steve Austin never pulled that off. Know why? They're all wannabes; Brock Lesnar is the one!
:And then you've got a bunch of guys in the locker room last night coming up to me saying, ''[mocking] &quot;Hey, Paul, ''I'' could've been the one to break the Streak. I could've beaten the Undertaker.&quot;'' So why didn't you? Randy Orton didn't break the Streak, Shawn Michaels didn't break the Streak, Triple H didn't break the Streak. Know why? They're all wannabes; Brock Lesnar is the one because Brock Lesnar is the 1 in 21-1.
:I'm sorry, are you saying &quot;What?&quot; to me
:'''Crowd''': WHAT?!
:'''Paul''': Oh, I forgot who you are, so I'll say it slowly for you. ''Brock...Lesnar...is...the...one...in...twenty...one...and...one!''
:Ladies and gentlemen, there are WWE Hall of Famer''s'', there are Legend''s'', and there are WWE Superstar''s'', and the key to that is that they're all ''plural''. They're all lumped together. And then there's only ''one'' that stands head and shoulders above the rest on a platform of his own. There is only ''one'' Beast Incarnate, there's only ''one'' conqueror of the Streak, and there's only ''one'' Brock Lesnar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Hellwig AKA Ultimate Warrior''': Speak to me, Warriors! As I thought about what I was gonna say this evening, it's been hard for me to find the words. ''[Pulls a face-paint mask out of his pocket and puts it on]'' Well, then, you shut up, Warrior, and let ''me'' do the talking. No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breathe their final breath, and if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them bleed deeper and something than larger than life, then his essence, his spirit will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever. You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back, I see many potential legends, some of them with Warrior spirits, and you will do the same for them. You will decide if they live with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make them legends as well. I am Ultimate Warrior, you are the Ultimate Warrior fans, and the spirit of Ultimate Warrior will run forever!

=== June 9 ===
:'''Dean Ambrose''': The Shield was untouchable. We will go down in the history books as one of the greatest groups in sports entertainment ever. We dominated WWE, we beat everybody, including Evolution. But we weren't healthy. We had a cancer inside of us, little did we know. And that's cancer's name... that cancer's name was Seth Rollins.
:History is full of people like you, Seth. Everybody in this building knows somebody like you, Seth. The kind of guy who would stab his brother in the back. Suck up, sell out to The Authority. When I get the opportunity to rearrange your face -- which I will -- your nose isn't going to be here anymore, it's going to be over here by your ear. I say ear because you're only going to have one left. I'm going to rip your dirty stinking hair out by the roots. I'm going to stuff it in your mouth. There'll be plenty of room from where your teeth used to be.
:Seth Rollins... my brother... you are scum. And we are looking forward to what that scum has to say tonight. We want you stand out here in this ring in front of the whole world and lie through your teeth. We want you to stand out here in the middle of this ring in front of the whole world and we want them to hear Triple H's words coming out of your mouth. We're going to listen to every word of it, and then we're going to beat the hell out of you.
:'''Roman Reigns''': Seth, you committed the most unforgivable sin. You're the scum of the earth! There's things you don't do in life: You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't piss in the wind, and you don't ever stab your brothers in the back. But you're only part of the problem. The other parts are Randy Orton and Triple H. Randy Orton, he runs around here and he thinks everybody owes him something. He thinks he's the face of the company. When I get my hands on you Randy, you're gonna be the ass of this company!
:And when I'm done with you, I'm coming for you Triple H. &quot;The King of Kings&quot; ooooooh.
:'''Dean Ambrose''': Ooooooh.
:'''Roman Reigns''': We're gonna have our own Game Of Thrones. BELIEVE THAT!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': Seth, Welcome. It's been a lot of...a lot of talk over the last week about why...
:'''Seth Rollins''': Michael, let me let me stop you before you get started here because I don't...''[crowd booing]'' Look I don't get it. I don't understand what all the controversy you talking about is all about. I mean are we just talking about what I did last week? Is that the whole deal? Because to me, that wasn't a big deal. I was just doing what was best for business. What was best for MY business. The Shield Michael. The greatest faction in the history of WWE, created by me. You don't think I have the right to destroy my own creation? It takes an architect, a mastermind to put together a faction like the Shield. Do you think Dean Ambrose is in anyway responsible for that? Dean Ambrose is a lunatic. Given a week to his own devices, he's face down in a ditch. And Roman Reigns...the golden boy...you'll never see anger and fury in a man like you've seen in Roman Reigns. But without someone to harness that, to control it, he's nothing. He's worthless. Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns are nothing without me. They owe me every ounce of success they have ever achieved!
:'''Michael Cole''': Seth, many people will argue that the Shield was about three individuals who came together to form an awesome team, not just about one man.
:'''Seth Rollins''': You know, I guess we'll find out later tonight when the uh...the pathetic remnants of the Shield have their last hurrah out here against the Wyatt Family. But let me ask you a question Michael. Why is this such a surprise? I took the Shield to the very top, as high as we can go, we beat everybody alright. We conquered the world Michael. At Payback, we beat Evolution in a clean sweep. And from every experience in life, you should learn something. You know what I have learned from Evolution? I learned that to be success in this business, you have to evolve. You have to adapt!
:'''Crowd''':  ''[chanting]'' YOU SOLD OUT!
:'''Seth Rollins''': No no no no no I bought in. I bought in to the evolution of Seth Rollins. And another thing, another thing ''[points to Michael Cole]'' you won't admit, ''[points to crowd]'' that none of you will admit. It took a lot of guts to do what I did last week. And everybody is fixated on the fact that I stabbed my &quot;brothers&quot; in the back. That I betrayed my &quot;brothers&quot;. And maybe to Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose, we were brothers. But to me, they were just business partners. And I severed a business relationship. You know, for two years every night, I came out here and I put my fist out and I say Believe In The Shield. And every night, what I meant is what I'm going to tell you right now, is that you, and everybody else have better start believing in Seth Rollins!
:So that's it, Michael. That's all you wanted to hear right? Oh oh wait wait wait I heard earlier tonight, I was watching Dean Ambrose say that he was gonna let me say my piece and then they were gonna come out here and kick the hell out of me. Well...''[throws the chair out the ring]'' I said my piece!

=== July 7 ===

:'''Paul''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm the one behind the 1 in 21-1. I serve as the advocate for ''Brock Lesnar,'' who conquered the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania. I am also pleased and proud to represent...
:'''Cesaro''': Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, you can't talk to those people in English. They're French Canadians. But they don't speak French. No, they speak Quebecois. The French can't stand them, neither can the rest of Canada, ''et tout le monde sait que les Québécois sont pourris.''

=== July 21 ===

:''[After Kofi Kingston and Big E Langston lose their match]''
:'''Xavier Woods''': Everybody listen. I need you to pay attention to what I am about to say. This is exactly what I have been talking about. You cannot move ahead by shaking hands, kissing babies, singing and dancing like a puppet! You cannot move ahead by always doing what you're told. Now...this is our time, this is our place. It is time for us to find focus. It is up to us to find order. Together, it is our time to find purpose. Because we do not ask any longer. Now...we take.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Paul''': ''[to Triple H]'' Mr. COO, you...you know how much respect I have for you, sir. I...I hate to point out the obvious, but &quot;Plan A&quot; just...just isn't working with Randy Orton, not while Roman Reigns is around. And...I mean, &quot;Plan B,&quot; I like &quot;Plan B,&quot; Seth Rollins is great, but every time Seth Rollins is gonna try to cash in that Money in the Bank briefcase, Dean Ambrose is going to stop him. Which is why, Triple H, I think the Authority has the uncomfortable decision right now to agree with me that you need to make the dangerous choice of implementing &quot;Plan C.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Paul''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and my client, ''BROCK LESNAR'' conquered the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania! Which is why, at this moment, my client hereby officially announces his intention to conquer John Cena and take the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam. Now, my client officially acknowledges this divide that permeates through the WWE Universe. There are those who wear their green t-shirts and their pump-up sneakers, and they scream with great passion their love and adulation for their hero by saying at the top of their lungs, &quot;let's go, Cena!&quot; And there are those who offer the contrarian opinion, and whose mommies don't tuck them into bed at night, and they will say with great fervor and passion, &quot;Cena sucks!&quot;
:Now, it doesn't matter to my client which side of the fence you want to ride on. This malpracticing &quot;Doctor of Thuganomics&quot; is in for the beating of a lifetime. I don't just stand out here and spew hype and hyperbole; I exploit historical facts to shove my points down your throats. To wit: I offer you what happened the last time my client, Brock Lesnar, zeroed in on someone and decided to give them a beating.
:''[Shows footage of Brock Lesnar defeating the Undertaker at WrestleMania]''
:You know, for years, everybody said, &quot;I want to be the one to beat the Undertaker and snap the Streak.&quot; But that wasn't good enough for Brock Lesnar. At WrestleMania, my client, Brock Lesnar, gave such a violent beating to the Undertaker that Vince McMahon had to ride in the ambulance to the hospital with the Undertaker because even our heartless chairman was concerned for a dead man's well being and life.
:Oh, John Cena? That same beating awaits you. And please don't confuse my client with some stereotypical villain that comes out here and say, &quot;John, you can escape this beating by giving up your title and laying it down at my feet.&quot; Brock Lesnar makes you no such offer. John Cena, you can't escape this beating.
:At SummerSlam, my client, Brock Lesnar, will take John Cena down! Brock Lesnar will punch John Cena's face in! John Cena, you are going to be hurt by Brock Lesnar! Brock Lesnar is going to injure John Cena! Brock Lesnar is going to ''mangle'' John Cena! And then, and ''only'' then, Brock Lesnar is going to F-5 John Cena and strip John Cena of the dignity of being the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, the same way Brock Lesnar stripped the Undertaker of his dignity and exposed the Streak as just being a myth; the same myth that Brock Lesnar hears every week on television when John Cena is referred to as being the greatest WWE champion of all time. Fifteen World Titles in 10 years. Now that sounds like something worth conquering.
:I pledge allegiance to the greatness of the conquerer who stands before me, and to his dominance, for which I stand, one Cenation, under John, now divisible, with no more hustle, loyalty, or respect for all!
:Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm the one behind the 1 in 21-1, and at SummerSlam, my client, Brock Lesnar, will beat John Cena and become the WWE Heavyweight Champion of the world!

=== August 11 ===

:'''Paul''': He's a 15-time Champ, and he likes to have his fun.
:But not at your expense, so let us school you, son.
:No, we're not from West Newbury; no we can't hip hop like you.
:My client is The Conqueror, I'm just Brock's advocating Jew.
:You see, my name is Paul Heyman, and my client is The Beast,
:And on the 17th of August, on your title, he shall feast.
:You don't like Paul Heyman guys, you think their attitude's too smug.
:You gonna beat Brock's ass, 'cause you the doctor of the thugs?
:I mean, you've beaten all the best, but now Lesnar's on your plate.
:You say your time is now. Brock says your calendar's out-of-date.
:So here's some free advice, with SummerSlam drawing near,
:Get it out your damn system when you say, &quot;the champ is here.&quot;
:Because we're six days away from the West Coast's biggest arena
:Where my client, Brock Lesnar, will conquer John Cena.

=== August 18 ===

:'''Paul''': Um...ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm the one behind the one who conquered the one who thought he was the one to beat the 1 in 21-1. Last night at SummerSlam, my client didn't just beat, didn't just victimize; my client conquered the titleholder, which affords me, Paul Heyman, the opportunity to proclaim myself the advocate for the brand new, ''reigning, defending, undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World, Brock Lesnar!''
:Now let's get down to business, shall we? My client has authorized me to let you know a secret that I don't even think the Authority wants revealed tonight, which is, ladies and gentlemen, John Cena...is not here this evening. Aw, don't get me wrong. John Cena would be here if John Cena could be here, but John Cena can't be here because John Cena can't physically appear, and that's all thanks to my client, ''Brock Lesnar!''
:'''Brock''': I love it when you say that. Say that again please.
:'''Paul''': ''Brock Lesnar!'' Now, I have been in this industry in one form or another since I was 14 years old, and I have never in my life seen a superstar take an ass-kicking the likes that John Cena took last night at the hands of my client, Brock Lesnar. Now, we're not just talking ''any'' superstar; we're talking a ''top'' superstar. And not just ''any'' top superstar; we're talking ''the'' top superstar. The top superstar of a generation. And just to put this into historical perspective for you, Dwayne &quot;The Rock&quot; Johnson's run on top, legendary. How long? Three years? Three and a half years, maybe? Stone Cold Steve Austin's run on top. How long? Four years? Four and a half years? There's been one constant in the WWE Title picture, there's been one WrestleMania main event they're guaranteeing almost every year, there's been one ''man'' in WWE for the past ten years, and that man has been John Cena! And you have to give credit where credit's due. Any man in that unprecedented position, after thirty seconds last night, would've just turned the title over to Brock Lesnar; would've given up, would've tapped out, would've survived to fight another day. But no, not John Cena.
:And as I stood right here ''[pointing to the ringside floor]'', with the best seat in the house, and I witnessed the suffering on John Cena's face, it was at that moment, Brock, that I truly understood. 'Cause we'd never gotten it before, but I got it last night. I could never understand why so many people who love John Cena, love him with such a passion. My own children are John Cena fans, which really pisses me off to begin with, but now I get it! Now I understand why! 'Cause John Cena was taking this heinous, vicious, violent beating, and he kept coming back for more, and coming back for more, and coming back for more, and coming back for more, 'cause when John Cena says, &quot;never give up,&quot; John Cena means never give up. John Cena, you earned my respect and my admiration to the point where, if I had time on my hands, I would love to make you a Paul Heyman guy. Yeah. Hey, you can knock me all you want, I'll tell you to the straight. If they wrote ''The History of WWE'' right before Brock Lesnar pinned John Cena last night, John Cena would go down as the single greatest fighting champion in WWE history.
:Unfortunately, my client, Brock Lesnar, does not share these opinions! In Brock Lesnar's universe, John Cena walked into this ring a hero, and left a martyr. And in Brock Lesnar's universe, the credo that martyrdom equals street cred does not apply. And even if it did apply, he who dies with the most street cred wins? ''[Imitates buzzer]'' Wrong answer. In Brock Lesnar's universe, he who dies with the most street cred ''still dies!'' Dies at the hands of the Conqueror, Brock Lesnar, just like the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania ''died'' at the hands of Brock Lesnar! Just like the Undertaker's career ''died'' at the hands of Brock Lesnar! Just like this whole stupid concept of hustle, loyalty, and respect ''died'' at the hands of Brock Lesnar! Just like the Cenation ''died'' and was conquered by Brock Lesnar!
:And here's the problem. The same fate awaits any man that walks into the Beast's lair and tried to take away from Brock Lesnar the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. And it's almost an unfair fight to begin with, because anybody that steps into this ring is just a challenger. Just a man. My client is not a man. My client is the Beast, and this beast will lay wreckage to any man that tries to take that title away from him, which means the same beating awaits, which makes every single title defense by Brock Lesnar not only must-see, but can't-miss.
:Now, if you're too cheap or too stupid or too blind or too ignorant to spend $9.99 on the WWE Network, let me tell you what happened last night. My client, Brock Lesnar, imposed his will on John Cena, and this, ladies and gentlemen, is what they call basic Brockanomics. Eat, sleep, suplex, repeat. Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat! Suplex, repeat!
:Brock Lesnar lives by the motto, Eat, sleep, suplex, repeat! Eat, sleep, F-5, repeat! Eat, sleep, victimize, repeat! Eat, sleep, beat, repeat. Eat...sleep...conquer...''[waves hand in front of face like...]'' John Cena.

=== October 20 ===

:''[Dean Ambrose watches ''See No Evil 2'' and slowly eats popcorn when he gets startled by John Cena]''
:'''John Cena''': What are you doing?
:'''Dean''': Doing some research for our match tonight. ''See No Evil 2'' starring Kane; this guy is sick, twisted, sadistic.
:'''John Cena''': This is...this is what you do? This is your plan? This is your strategy, movie night?
:'''Dean''': See, me and you are kinda like a comic book movie. It's like Superman teaming up with Batman. You stand for truth, justice, and the American way, nice American square jaw on you. I like to beat up scumbags. I've been known to wear a cape. But really, we just don't mix.
:'''John Cena''': What are you even... we have a match tonight, and the three people in that match are gonna do whatever they can to take both of us out of commission before Hell in a Cell. How are we gonna handle it?
:'''Dean''': Relax. This might surprise you, but even though I am undefeated in contract-on-a-pole matches, handicapped street fights are my specialty, so here's how we're going to handle it. We're gonna throw punches at anything that moves, and if they insist on taking us down, we're gonna take as many of them down with us as we can. That's how we ''handle'' it.
:'''John Cena''': I like it. I like it. The whole Batman thing...does not fit you. You...are much more like the Joker.
:'''Dean''': ''[after John leaves]'' [[The Dark Knight|Why so serious?]]

=== December 8 ===
:'''AJ Lee''': ''[accepting the Diva of the Year Slammy]'' Okay, so, three years ago, I promised all of you I would redefine the term &quot;diva,&quot; and I am very proud to say that I sure have done that. You can be a nerd, you can be a tomboy, and you can still be the longest-reigning Divas Champion of all time. So I hope that means that next year, this award is won by [[w:Bayley (wrestler)|Bayley]] or [[w:Sasha Banks|Sasha]] or [[w:Charlotte Flair|Charlotte]] or [[w:Emma (wrestler)|Emma]] or [[w:Paige (wrestler)|Paige]]. Any of those girls can be next in line for the throne, but I'm not done being queen. And Sunday, I will take back what is mine, and I will become the four-time Divas Champion.

== 2015 ==

=== March 9 ===

:'''Paul Heyman''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and all day long they've been trying to get me to preview this video but ''instead'' I decided to come out here live and watch this video along with every single one of you.
:''[the video is an interview bewteen Roman Reigns and Byron Saxton, with footage of his career through NXT and WWE, as well as previous facings with Heyman.]''
:'''Paul Heyman''': Mhm, okay. So Roman Reigns makes some interesting points to which, ladies and gentlemen, I shall retort &quot;Here comes the pain&quot;. The reigning, defending, undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World: ''BROCK LESNAR!''
:''[Lesnar's music hits as he comes down to the ring. The announcers discuss about Reigns' chances to beat Lesnar.]''
:'''Paul Heyman''': Now, I understand what a fan-pleasing video that was, but to my client, that was nothing short of sheer propaganda. If it came out of the tail end of a bull, it wouldn't smell any different. ''[mocking] &quot;Oh, Roman Reigns was the stand-out in NXT who went on to become the badass of The Shield, where he was also a stand-out, and then he defeated 29 other WWE Superstars at the Royal Rumble to become the #1 Contender, and even defended his right to main-event WrestleMania when he beat Daniel Bryan at WWE Fastlane. Yaaaay!&quot;''
:I've known that family since I was 14 years old, and I already stooged this off to my client. Let me tell you the truth about Roman Reigns because the WWE Universe likes to live vicariously through its own fantasies: that propaganda was pure fantasy. The truth is, when Roman Reigns was 9 years old, his father, who's one generation removed from cannibals, used to take Roman and his bunch of savage cousins down to all the bars in Pensacola where the local football players would hang out, and they would point out the football players and say: &quot;One man left standing, don't bother coming home for dinner tonight.&quot; Roman Reigns' uncle would them take him down to the beach in Pensacola with his other criminal cousins and point out all the muscleheads and say, &quot;One musclehead left standing, don't bother coming home tonight. Take him out with a punch. Take him out with a tackle.&quot; Two moves that you see him do today.
:And the same applies at WrestleMania: &quot;Roman Reigns, go to WrestleMania and beat Brock Lesnar for that title, or don't bother calling yourself a member of this family.&quot; It's a powerful, profound motivation for any young man—let alone the baddest member of that family—except for one problem: Roman Reigns, you will not beat Brock Lesnar for that title at WrestleMania. Even more so, Roman Reigns, I promise you this: Brock Lesnar will not lose the title to you at WrestleMania.
:And just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean the whole world's not against us. I know what goes on behind the scenes. So if The Authority has it in their head that somehow get that title away from Brock Lesnar and place it on Roman Reigns, so Seth Rollins can cash-in Money In The Bank on Roman Reigns—'cause he ain't man enough to cash it in on Brock Lesnar—and that's what they're thinking, because Seth Rollins will be cheaper as champion than Brock Lesnar, let me spell this one out for you: If anybody has it in their heads to pull a Montreal Screwjob on Brock Lesnar for the title at WrestleMania, my client assures me any single person involved in a Montreal scenario will not leave that stadium alive!
:You see, while Roman Reigns is coming in to WrestleMania with the mindset that he wants to stay a member of his family, even if he has to bite Brock Lesnar's face off, Brock Lesnar can get his face stitched up, but the beating, the sheer beating that Brock Lesnar's going to give Roman Reigns at WrestleMania, it's gonna make every single one of you respect Roman Reigns, because when they're wheeling Roman Reigns down the street after the beating that he takes from Brock Lesnar, each and everyone of you is going to say: &quot;Yo, that's one badass Samoan. He took an ass-kicking like nobody else I've ever seen.&quot; When Roman Reigns is too— ''[Heyman's microphone is shut off. He walks around in the ring and begins clapping at the microphone.]''
:You know what I really like the most about this? I like how [[w:Wizard of Oz (character)|Oz]] behind the curtain or in the production truck likes to shut off my microphone, instead of coming down to the ring and take it out of my hand... Instead of someone in the position of authority around here comes down to the ring and takes that title away from Brock Lesnar. And if you would like to take the title away from Brock Lesnar: Go ahead! Grab a leg! Take your best shot! Because if Brock Lesnar wants to spend his summer unifying the WWE and the UFC Title, ''THAT'S WHAT HE'S GONNA DO!'' ''[The mic cuts off again]'' Hey, censor this one: If Brock Lesnar decides to go to Las Vegas and smack around Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao—''[talking to Lesnar]'' by the way, do you realize that if you combine Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao, together they're still ten pound shy of you?—that's what Brock Lesnar is going to do! Here's a message for everyone to keeps on shutting off my damn microphone: This title no longer belongs to WWE! This title belongs to Brock Lesnar! It's his! ''AND HE'S NOT GIVING IT BACK!'' 
:In 2002, they took a rookie and they put him in the ring with The Rock, 'cause they thought The Rock would make headlines beating a former NCAA Division I Heavyweight Champion, and that rookie set Dwayne Johnson off to Hollywood. In 2014, they took this accomplished athlete, the first man to hold the NCAA Division I Heavyweight Championship, the UFC Title and the WWE Title, and they fed him to the unbeatable Undertaker at WrestleMania, thinking he be the 0 in 22-0, and he didn't just kill the streak: he damn nearly killed The Undertaker, to where now Bray Wyatt has to resurrect him. At SummerSlam, one beast suplexed John Cena out of the main event in WrestleMania. So here's my question, ladies and gentlemen, 'cause it's all the same answer. Who did that to The Rock? Who did that to The Undertaker? Who did that to John Cena? And what the hell do you think he's going to do to Roman Reigns at WrestleMania? The answer to these questions is this: Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar: ''The reigning, defending, undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World'', The Beast, The Conqueror, and the one that's gonna leave Roman Reigns flat on his back at WrestleMania... ''BROCK LESNAR!''

=== March 30 ===

:'''Paul''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I am the advocate for the most non-PG ass-kicker of the PG era, ''BROCK LESNAR!'' So let's talk about it, let's get it out of the way. What happened last night at WrestleMania? My client, as we told you he would do, laid a beating on a Samoan badass the likes of which no one had ever seen before at WrestleMania. My client took his hands, put them on the #1 challenger for the World Title and did nothing but suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex him right through the canvas! ''[The crowd chants, &quot;Suplex City!&quot; which draws a laugh from Brock]'' Or, as my client Brock Lesnar said, &quot;Suplex City, bitch!&quot;
:So now, Brock Lesnar is bitch-slapping Roman Reigns all over the ring, and what happens? What happens? This Samoan, this Samoan whose predecessors were eating human flesh, was sitting there eating the pain and liking the taste and smiling at Brock Lesnar and saying, &quot;I'm gonna bring the same right back to you!&quot; I will not spend my time tonight singing Roman Reigns's [''sic''] praises. I will tell you he can sink or swim on his own from here, but my client ''almost'' respects Roman Reigns. Kid, you still got a ways to go.
:So then, Brock Lesnar got bored. Brock Lesnar was hungry. He wanted to go out for dinner. And Brock Lesnar says, &quot;good night, everybody,&quot; picks Roman Reigns up on his shoulders, F-5!...And here comes slimy, disgusting, little Seth Rollins, who cashes in Money in the Bank, makes it a triple threat, Curb Stomps everyone in sight, and scores a pinfall on the challenger, not the champion, and scurries away the most undeserving WWE Champion of anybody's lifetime. ''[aside to Brock]'' I got this.
:You all know my father was a prominent New York attorney, and I have apprised my client of his legal rights, that I can go to Sacramento, get an immediate injunction at the 7th Circuit Court [''sic''], I can have the decision reversed, Seth Rollins will no longer be the winner, I will tie WWE up in litigation for the next three or four months, have the title held up. Unfortunately for me, my client Brock Lesnar thinks all lawyers are scumbags, and Brock Lesnar will not file an injunction, will not go to the 7th Circuit Court, does not want to tie up WWE in litigation; my client Brock Lesnar wants to invoke his rematch clause! And ladies and gentlemen, I have been authorized to tell you, that rematch will not happen at SummerSlam, will not happen at next year's WrestleMania, will not happen at Extreme Rules, will not happen at Payback! That rematch clause is being invoked right here, right now, tonight!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Seth''': You know, I...I actually just spoke with Stephanie McMahon before I came out here, and I...I'm feeling kinda jet-lagged, to be honest, and...and my foot kinda hurts a little bit from Curb Stomping you and Roman Reigns last night. So...I'm a fighting champion, and I'm going to give you your rematch, just...not tonight.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': ''(after Lesnar attacks J&amp;J Security, and F5'd Michael Cole, as well as a cameraman)'' Your actions have consequences! You're suspended indefinitely! GET OUT OF MY RING!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': ''(being interviewed by Renee Young backstage afterwards about Brock Lesnar's actions)'' You know, Brock Lesnar will get his rematch when I say he gets his rematch but, Brock Lesnar, actually, I-I think I need to hit Brock Lesnar where it hurts. I don't think suspending him is enough. Actually, I think I'm gonna have to fine Brock Lesnar. I'm gonna have to fine him for all o-of the damage, all of the property damage, the emotional distress of these  employees, you know. And if Brock Lesnar thinks for just one second that he can go back to MMA as he announced on SportsCenter, he just  signed a contract with WWE. And you know what that means, Renee?  That means I own that son of a bitch. (leaves)

=== July 20 ===

:''[The Undertaker makes his entrance, as he attacked Brock Lesnar last night at Battleground]''
:'''The Undertaker''': I stand here tonight a relentless, remorseless, cold-blooded, vengeful grim reaper. Streaks are made to be broken. That is the painful truth, but Lesnar, you had to continuously, week after week, month after month, remind everyone of your greatest accomplishment. Now, I say, enough! You have taken what once was smoldering ashes, and turned it into a raging inferno. Last night was my true resurrection. You see Lesnar, you can't kill what won't die. Unleashed forces will now set our careers toward new destinies. And I will challenge your mortality. I will conquer what has yet to be conquered. In the end, just like all living things, be it man, or beast, you will rest in peace!

=== September 21 ===

:'''Paige''': Charlotte, she's so nice. This is all so nice. And you know what, you won the Championship yesterday, and this whole celebration is for Charlotte. But let's just think about who really made this possible, and that's me! No, shut up, Becky, shut up. This is patronizing. &quot;Oh, I love you, daddy&quot; and &quot;oh my gosh, I wouldn't be here without you.&quot; Yeah, yeah, yeah, you sound like you just been inducted into the bloody Hall of Fame is what you sound like. Yes, I won the Championship too. You won it, so what? I won it on my first day. I won it twice. And you know what? Here's a little secret, champ to champ: title reigns end. And Nikki's going to get her rematch and she's going to bring her little hippie sister and her little third wheel and they're going to take that back and the Divas division is going to go back right where it was. There is no revolution, Charlotte! You are just a placeholder. No, no, no, Becky back off. You know what? You're never going to be a Divas champion. You know why? Because you're the least relevant of all of us. Let's go to Team BAD. They're all flash, no substance. Then you got Lana and Summer too busy trying to figure out who they want to climb onto next rather than the Divas division. And then you've got Nattie. Nattie, where are you? Do you even work here anymore? I can't see you, Mrs. Hart. And then you've got the Bellas. We all know the ''real'' reason they got to where they are. You all know the real reason. No, I'm not done. Stop trying to act like you are somebody because you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for [[w:Ric Flair|your old man]].

=== November 9 ===

:'''Triple H''': I just want to take a moment to acknowledge a great champion. I want to take a moment to acknowledge The Man, Seth Rollins. See, when Steph and I chose Seth Rollins as the future of the WWE, we had extremely high hopes for what that future would be, and Seth Rollins exceeded all those expectations.
:'''Crowd''': ''[chant]'' Thank you, Rollins!
:'''Triple H''': That's right. Thank you, Seth Rollins, for giving back to us the faith that we had in you. Because every obstacle that was put in front of him, every opponent, Seth Rollins made his way through and retained the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. But on his way to becoming one of the greatest WWE Champions of all time, tragedy fell upon Seth Rollins.  In Dublin, Ireland, Seth [[w:Unhappy triad|blew out his knee]]. And while Seth Rollins is still The Man, Seth Rollins, right now, is no longer the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. ''[Mixed cheers and boos from crowd]'' That creates an interesting opportunity. Who is gonna step up? Who is gonna fill that void?
:A few weeks ago, a few weeks ago, we determined a new #1 Contender. A #1 Contender who was going to face Seth Rollins at Survivor Series for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. I would like to bring that man out here right now. Please welcome Roman Reigns!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Triple H''': ''[on the displayed Championship]'' Looks good, doesn't it? See, as of this moment, Seth Rollins is no longer the World Heavyweight Champion, and as you know, as the whole world knows by now, there is a tournament taking place that starts tonight to determine who will be the brand new WWE World Heavyweight Champion. And to me, that seems unfair. That seems unfair that Seth Rollins is no longer the World Heavyweight Champion, and it seems unfair that, while you earned the right to be the #1 Contender, it seems unfair to me that you just go back to the bottom of the pile and get thrown into this tournament and have to earn your way back up. It's terribly unfair, and the reality is, it doesn't have to be that way. It could be a lot easier. It could be a ''whole'' lot easier. You see, it could be that you don't have to enter that tournament. All those other guys could step into this ring and do battle just for the right to fight ''you'' at Survivor Series to see who becomes the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. That, in my opinion, seems much more fair.
:And before you say anything, I want you to understand one thing, and I've never told you this before. But the reality of it is, back when we made Seth Rollins the future of the WWE, we strongly considered you first, and I mean ''strongly'' considered. All that time when Evolution was fighting the Shield, I was scouting. I'm always scouting, and I was looking at you. You have it all, Roman. The size, the strength, the speed, charisma, athleticism, the aggression, everything. You have everything you could want, except for one thing. Except for one thing, and that is the one thing that Seth Rollins had, was the willingness to do absolutely anything to be The Man. And that is why Seth Rollins has been the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, and you have not. How'd it feel? How'd it feel, WrestleMania, after winning the Royal Rumble, after going through all those people, after finally earning that spot, for Seth Rollins to roll in there and take your dream after from you? How'd that feel, Roman? Huh? Sting a little bit? I know how that felt, it sucks. Right? You're damn right, it does. You'll never know. Could you have beaten Brock Lesnar? Maybe. Could you have been the WWE World Heavyweight Champion? You'll never know. Could you have kept this title around your waist? You'll never know because Seth Rollins had a willingness to do absolutely anything, that you did not have, and he walked out of WrestleMania as the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.
:And now, here you are. Here you are all these months later, and you still have all of that. All of those positives. You have dug and scratched and clawed to earn your way back to this, and you have met with wall after wall after wall. I can make those walls go away.
:It doesn't have to that difficult, Roman, and I'm not asking you to do anything that you haven't already done. You've earned your spot. You've earned your spot. I'm asking you, do you want to be The Man? Because if you want to be The Man, Roman, all you have to do is be ''my'' man.
:'''Roman Reigns''': So you're gonna give me everything I've already earned, and all I have to do is sell out?
:'''Triple H''': &quot;Sell-out.&quot; &quot;Sell-out,&quot; that's an interesting word. You know what &quot;sell-out&quot; is? Sell-out is a word that people that don't succeed created to explain why people did what they could not do. Sell-out is a word they chant because they can never achieve what you can achieve. Don't... Roman, don't let some misguided morals ruin what you could get out of life. Are you kidding me? You think they're not gonna criticize? No matter what you do, if you get this, and I don't care how you get it, criticism comes with the gate, pal. That's the way it works. You win this, you don't wanna get criticized? Then do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. But if you want this, then be a reality man. See the reality of the situation. Understand that this comes with criticism, and you will never be liked by everybody, Roman.
:Understand what I am offering you here. This is everything you've ever wanted. From the time you were a boy, ''[places the belt over Roman's shoulder]'' you wanted to put this on your shoulder, right? You wanted to say, &quot;I'm the man.&quot; You wanted everything that comes with it. The respect, all of it. You don't wanna die, and on your tombstone, it says, &quot;yeah, but everybody liked me.&quot; You want them to build a monument in your honor. Right? I am offering you an opportunity here for you and what is most important in your life, and I know what is most important in your life outside of this. It's your family. It's your family. I'm not talking about setting up your wife and your daughter, I'm talking about setting up your daughter's daughter, Roman. I'm talking about giving you everything you have ever wanted out of life. ''[Takes belt back and places on pedestal]'' All you have to do, all you have to do is be my man.
:'''Roman Reigns''': Everything I have in life, I earned it. Everything that I've done, I did it my way. I've never taken a handout, and nobody can ever take that away from me. But it ain't going down tonight; you can take your offer, and you can shove it.
:'''Triple H''': Roman, thank you. Thank you for reminding me why I didn't choose you in the first place.

=== November 16 ===

:'''Dean Ambrose''': If I win the WWE Championship at Survivor Series, I'm gonna turn this whole place upside-down! We're throwing all the rules out the window! Ain't gonna be no more suits, ain't gonna be no more ties. More action, less talking! I want more pyro, I want breakfast for dinner, we're gonna replace Michael Cole with a fish tank. We're throwing all the rules out the window. This Sunday at Survivor Series, I make the entire WWE the Ambrose Asylum.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[At the contract signing for the WWE Divas Championship match at Survivor Series]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Ladies, this is what the WWE fans are trying to figure out here. I mean, I was with you guys when you were at your NXT tryouts. You guys bonded, and over the last couple of years, you've become the best of friends. But what the WWE Universe can't figure out is where it all went wrong. What happened to the friendship between you two?
:'''Paige''': First of all, this is no ''friendships'', Michael. When you're a true champion, there is no room for emotion ''or'' friendships. So I had to teach Charlotte that the hard way, and I intend to do so again this Sunday when I take back ''my'' Divas Championship.
:''[Paige signs the contract]''
:'''Charlotte''': It must be exhausting being this bitter and angry all the time.
:'''Paige''': How have I been all angry, Charlotte? I don't even look that way.
:'''Charlotte''': What happened to you, Paige? What made you like this? You know, I didn't get into this business to make friends. But when I started at NXT, forget the fact that we came from the same background. I can't even believe I'm about to say this: I wanted to ''be'' like you. I was the naive, sweet Carolina girl; you were the British badass. You know, we didn't grow up like most little girls. We sat at home watching our parents on the television night after night sacrificing their body. They cared about the WWE almost as much as they cared about us. That's why my [[w:Reid Flair|late brother]]...''[starts to tear up]'' When my little brother passed away, you were there for me. I... I am here today because of him, and that's the only reason to fulfill his dream. We were family.
:'''Paige''': You know what, Charlotte? It doesn't matter what I said or what I thought about you, okay? This isn't a sorority house, sweetheart. I have been using you since day one.
:'''Charlotte''': &quot;Using&quot; me? Using me? Well, you must really suck at using me, because that's why I'm the Divas Champion and you're not. But the sad thing is, Paige, it didn't have to be like that. Because it's not about the Title, it's about who's got your back at the end of the day.
:'''Paige''': And where did you learn that, Dr. Phil or ''Seventeen'' magazine? Or...you gonna keep crying, Charlotte?
:'''Charlotte''': [[w:The Hardy Boyz|Team Xtreme]], D-Generation X, the Four Horsemen. Team PCB was going to change the Divas division...until you let your selfish ways get in the way.
:'''Paige''': Oh, okay, okay. First of all, wrong. I threw PCB away because I deserve that championship more than anyone, and especially more than you.
:'''Charlotte''': You're not a champion! You ''never'' were! A champion is a role model. A champion is someone those little girls sitting at home and sitting in that audience want to be like.
:I won't be Champion forever, but when I lose that title, it won't be this Sunday, and it damn sure won't be to someone like you.
:'''Paige''': Wow, Charlotte. You know what? That was quite a speech. I had a tear in my eye. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. That's confidence. You are so naive, Charlotte, it makes me sick, and it is embarrassing.
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as Paige is about to leave]'' Oh, wait a moment, Charlotte, the contract.
:'''Paige''': You know what? You know what? I am so sick of this. You think that everyone has your back, and that's a bunch of bull. No one has your back, and no one will have your back this Sunday. Not even Daddy, Mr. Four Horsemen himself. You know what? Where are you, Ric? Where are you? Why don't you come on out here, and drop one of those famous elbowdrops on your jacket. 'Cause you know what? It is ''so'' impressive, you old fart!
:'''Charlotte''': You shut your mouth, or there won't be a Survivor Series! You won't even make it out of this building!
:'''Michael Cole''': Charlotte, Paige has signed the contract...
:'''Charlotte''': I will continue to fight each and every day, just like everyone in my entire family has, just like my dad did, just like my little brother did, and just like I do!
:'''Paige''': You know what, Charlotte? You're wrong, sweetheart, 'cause your little baby brother...he didn't have much fight in ''him'', did he?
:''[Charlotte lunges at Paige, and the two brawl before being separated by referees]''

== 2016 ==

=== February 8 ===

:'''Daniel Bryan''': ''[on the YES! chants from the audience]'' So, just now, I was able to close my eyes and feel that. Like, literally feel it in a way that I've never gotten to feel it before, because when we're here, we always have to keep our eyes open. But just that experience, literally, I'm never gonna forget it.
:But now...but now, it is time for me to address the giant elephant in the room.
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' NO!
:'''Daniel''': I know, I know, I didn't want to shave my beard either. But the thing is, is that I wanted to cut my hair, and once I cut my hair, I looked really silly with this giant beard. And this is just my one cheap plug, is that I cut my hair for an organization called [http://www.wigs4kids.org/ Wigs 4 Kids], and one of the nice things about them is that they make wigs for kids who have had cancer, and they don't charge the families at all for that, so...if there is anything worthwhile that comes out of what I'm saying tonight, that's it right there.
:But now to some less fun stuff. So...
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' NO!
:'''Daniel''': Trust me, I don't want to be doing this any more than you want me to be doing this. But the truth is, I've been wrestling since I was 18 years old, and within the first five months of my wrestling career, I'd already had three concussions. And for years after that, I would get a concussion here and there, or here, or there, and it gets to point that, when you've been wrestling for 16 years, that adds up to a lot of concussions. And it gets to a point where they tell you that you can't wrestle anymore. ''[Audience boos]'' And for a long time, I fought that because I'd gotten EEGs and brain MRIs and neuropsychological evaluations, and all of them said this, that I was fine and I could come back and I could wrestle, and I trained like I would come back and I would wrestle, and I was ready at a moment's notice if WWE needed me, I wanted to come back and wrestle, because this...I have loved this in a way that I have never loved anything else.
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' THANK YOU, DANIEL!
:'''Daniel''': But a week and a half ago, I...I took a test that said maybe my brain isn't as okay as I thought it was, and I have a family to think about, and my wife and I want to start having kids soon.
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' YES!
:'''Daniel''': That's what Brie says all the time!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
:'''Daniel''': So...it is with a heavier heart and the utmost sadness that I officially announcement my retirement. But if there's one thing...so I've gone through all these complex emotions in this last little bit. You know, I've been angry, I've been sad, I've been frustrated, I've been all of that. But today, when I woke up this morning, I felt nothing but gratitude because I have gotten to do what I love for nearly 16 years. Let me tell you a few of the things that I love, okay? Let me tell you a few of the things that I love. Nobody outside of this arena or this city cares about this, but I love the Seahawks. Here's another thing that I love. Here's another thing that I love. Right before my music hits, and it makes that weird sound right before it comes on, and when you guys react every single time, even if I'm tired as hell or I've been hurting, every time, I get this weird little smirk on my face that's not like...but it just...it brings joy to my heart, and I love it every single time.
:Do you know what else that I love? I love hitting the ropes and diving right here. ''[Sticks himself between the top two ropes]'' It has made me feel like Superman, and your guys' reaction to that made me feel like Superman. I love that.
:Here's another thing that I love. Here's another thing that I love. I have wrestled in the parking lot of gas stations, ''and'' I have wrestled in front of 70-plus thousand people in New Orleans. Here's another thing that I love. I have gotten to meet the most amazing people on this planet, such as somebody who looks like a monster, but is the smartest man I know, like Kane. I have gotten to meet a man who has been my mentor and my friend for over 16 years in William Regal. I have gotten to meet children that are stronger than I've ever thought anybody could be, like [[w:Connor Michalek|Connor]].
:Grateful. I am very grateful, and I'm grateful because wrestling doesn't owe me or anybody back there, it doesn't owe us anything. WWE doesn't owe us anything, nobody owes...you guys don't owe us anything. We do this because we love to do this. And then, it was strange because I did this because I love to do this, and then all of a sudden, you guys just got behind me ''[starting to tear up]'' in a way that I never thought was possible, in a way that fans shouldn't necessarily get behind a guy who's 5'8&quot; and 190 pounds. You guys got behind me in a way that made me feel that I was more than just me, and for that, I'm grateful. I'm grateful because, a little over two years ago, in this very arena, you guys hijacked ''Raw''.
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' YES!
:'''Daniel''': And they were trying to do a big championship coronation between Randy Orton and John Cena. They were combining the WWE Championship with the World Heavyweight Championship, and they had all the former Champions out here, and this was gonna be the most important match in WWE history, and you guys just wouldn't stop chanting &quot;Daniel Bryan!&quot;
:'''Crowd''': ''[chants]'' DANIEL BRYAN!
:'''Daniel''': But that's not why I'm grateful. My dad was sitting right over there, where the guy with the goat mask with the Daniel Bryan sign is standing right now. And my dad got to see that, his son getting that kind of reaction from all you people. ''[Tearing up]'' And that was the last time my dad ever got to see me wrestle, and you guys made it special for him and for me and for my entire family. I am grateful. I am grateful, because of wrestling, I got to meet the most wonderful woman in the world, who's beautiful, she is smart, and she completes me in a way that I didn't even think was possible, and that's because of wrestling. I am grateful. I am grateful because I get to come out here in front of what I feel is my hometown fans. I get to announce my retirement in front of a bunch of people who love me. Right?
:That special moment that I had with my dad, I get to share this moment with my mom, with my sister, with my family, with my friends. I get to share that with them, I get to share it with you, I get to share it with my wife in the back, I get to share it with all of these wonderful human beings that I have spent the last 15 years of my life with. I am grateful.
:Now, tomorrow morning, I start...I start a new life. A life where I am no longer a wrestler. But that is tomorrow, and that is not tonight! And by damn, I have one more night to feel this energy, and to feel this crowd! So if I could just get one last &quot;YES!&quot; chant, I would really appreciate it!

===May 23===
:''[Ric Flair has put over Charlotte in her WWE Women's Championship title defense against Natalya at Extreme Rules]''
:'''Charlotte Flair''': You know what I remember growing up? I remember Christmases, I remember birthdays... ''[miffed at &quot;What?&quot; chant]'' If I - if you &quot;What? me one more time ''[chant]'', that's fine because Dad you know what I remember Mom saying? ''[pause]'' That Daddy's always with you. You weren't ever there, because I always had to watch you on television, but actually Dad I fully understand why you weren't there because all those years, I couldn't understand why you weren't there, you know Mom had to rub my head because I was crying, but now I get it you know why? Because I'm the WWE Women's Champion. I've never been more powerful! I've never been more confident! Dad, and now I understand, you know what it felt like to be The Man. I'm The Woman! ''[sighs]'' That's why I finally have the courage to say to you, Dad... ''[points away]'' GET OUT OF MY RING! ''[Ric is not moved]'' What, are you hard of hearing? I said, get out! ''[Ric softly asks, Why]'' Do you know what it's like to walk into a room and just say &quot;Hey look, that's Ric Flair's daughter!&quot; No, you know who you are? You're &quot;Charlotte's dad&quot;! ''[sees Flair's emotions change; mocks]'' Oh don't do this, don't do this... ''[for emphasis]'' I don't need you anymore. You're immortal to them. To me, dead. ''[shrugs off Ric appealing to her]'' Get out of my ring, I'm done with this sad story. Get out. Get out - ''[keeps distance]'' Don't take another step near me - actually you know what you can do? You can just watch me on TV, like I did the last 30 years to you. ''[teases Ric's sad face and makes palm shrug as he tries to talk to her]'' Ohh, out you go! Get out of my ring. Don't make me, don't make me do this. I don't want to embarrass you. ''[Ric gets through the ropes and leaves]''

=== June 20 ===

:'''Dean Ambrose''': Oh, boy, last night was a long night in Las Vegas, and I'm not even talking about the stuff I ''don't'' remember. There was an incident with a security guard at the Hard Rock, there was this whole Cleveland Cavaliers celebration party thing. ''[A few boos and cheers from the crowd]'' I don't know, I don't like those guys anyway, don't look at me. They were freakishly tall and it weirded me out, I don't know. I think I had my foot ran over by a cab. Oh, yeah, and this other thing happened where I had to climb a 15-foot ladder and win the Money in the Bank ladder match! I think, at some point in the night, I almost got bitten by a dog. I mean, it was a long night. Oh, yeah, and then, this other thing happened, where I cashed in my Money in the Bank contract on Seth Rollins, and I became the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
:You wanna talk about another guy who had a long night, Seth Rollins. He was just the right guy at the right place at the ''wrong time.'' So listen up, kiddos, Uncle Dean-o's gonna give your lesson of the week. So listen up, pay attention. What goes around, comes back around. You know what, let me give you another lesson while I'm out here pontificating and stuff, here's another lesson for you. Hard work pays off! Busting your ass, keeping your nose to the grindstone pays off! And when it pays off, baby, it pays off ''big!''
:So Seth called himself &quot;The Man,&quot; Roman called himself &quot;The Guy.&quot; I don't know, what does that make me? The Dude?
:'''Audience''': ''[chanting]'' DUDE!
:'''Dean''': Oh, I kinda like it. I don't care, you can call me whatever you want, but you call me Champion! I've been chasing this for two years, and this is the reason I kept picking myself off... picking myself up, dusting myself off, patching myself back together; this is why I kept on trucking, this is why I kept on swinging. And as I sit here with this Championship in the middle of this ring live on ''Monday Night Raw'', I can tell you, baby, it was all worth it 'cause we ain't having no hard times anymore!

== 2017 ==

=== March 6 ===

:'''Corey Graves''': I understand why Chicago likes these two. Enzo and Cass remind them of the local baseball teams. Cass is like the Cubs: it may take a hundred years, but he might be a champion. Enzo's more like the White Sox: if he ever becomes a champion, you can be guaranteed there's a scandal involved.

=== April 3 ===

:'''Roman Reigns''': This is my yard now. (people heavily boo loudly)

=== June 19===
:'''Big Cass''': ''(When asked if he attacked Enzo Amore)'' You're damn right I did it! Do you have any idea what it's like teaming up with you, Enzo? You just constantly run your mouth about God knows what every single minute of the day. You even ran your mouth to Conor McGregor. Do you know how many times I've wanted to slap you right upside your head? How many times I wanted to knock you out myself? But I didn't do it because I felt bad for you, Enzo. Because everybody behind that curtain doesn't like you, I felt bad for you, Enzo. Because everybody in the back doesn't like you, I felt bad for you, Enzo. And I put up with your crap. For years, I put up with your crap every single day until finally, I snapped. And I had to admit, it felt damn good when I attacked you from behind. You all right? And I would have snapped your little neck like a twig if I wanted to, but I didn't because I wanted to watch you suffer. For all the years of crap I had to put with in NXT! In Tampa! Here on Monday Night Raw! For all the crap I had to put up with, I wanted to watch you suffer! And when things got a little bit hot and fingers pointed in my direction, I cooled them down because I wanted to see just how smart you were. I wanted to see if you were smart enough to realize what was going on around you or if you are just as dumb as you look and I realized that you are even dumber. You are nothing more than dead weight that's holding me back from reaching my potential in the WWE! You are just dead weight holding me down when I should be rising to the top of the WWE! You're the reason I have never been a champion in WWE! I'm the star here! I'm the future! I'm where the money is! And you, your mouth just writes checks that your ass can't cash. Because Big Cass has always been behind you. Well, not for long because me and you, we are through.
:''(Big Cass attacks Enzo Amore once more with a big boot)''
:'''Big Cass''': And you can't teach ''that''.

=== October 23 ===

:'''Paul Heyman''': You know what's funny? The way you all react to the manner in which I introduce my client, Brock Lesnar, because ''someone'' has a problem with the word &quot;undisputed.&quot; Someone wants to dispute the fact that Brock Lesnar is ''the'' champion in World Wrestling Entertainment. This same someone, who's over on ''SmackDown Live'' has barely survived the title challenge of Randy Orton. This same someone has barely survived the title challenge of Shinsuke Nakamura. This same someone is sitting up at night, plotting and planning, trying to figure out how to barely survive the potential title challenge of AJ Styles. Meanwhile, right over here on the flagship show ''Monday Night Raw'', Brock Lesnar has eaten through the single most stacked heavyweight division in the history of WWE. That fact is undisputed.
:You know what else is undisputed? That we live in the age of trash-talking. Everybody wants to trash-talk, everybody wants to hurl insults, everybody wants to not give props where props are due. Everyone wants to run down their opponent, everybody wants to hurl insults at their opponents' families, everyone wants to be the king of trash-talk, brand their opponents as losers instead of box office attractions.
:You know what else is undisputed? That the king of the trash-talk is the advocate with the mic in his hand right now. And yet, despite the fact that you clamor for me to trash-talk, I don't trash-talk Brock Lesnar's opponents, and I'll tell you why. Because any man deemed worthy of stepping into the ring to ''fight'' Brock Lesnar must be a real man, must have a whole lot of merit going on behind him. I didn't trash-talk Goldberg, I praised Goldberg, and rightfully so. I didn't trash-talk Samoa Joe, I praised Samoa Joe, and rightfully so. I didn't trash-talk Braun Strowman, I praised Braun Strowman, and oh, my God, rightfully so.
:But ''you?'' Jinder Mahal? The make-believe maharaja, with the Singh-Singh-Singh-Singh singalong Brothers standing behind you doing ''my'' shtick of introducing you? Are you kidding me? You're not Brock Lesnar's equal, you're not Brock Lesnar's contemporary, you're not Brock Lesnar's counterpart on ''SmackDown Live'', you're not even a worthy pretender to the throne of being WWE Champion! When we think of WWE Champions, we think of Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, &quot;Macho Man&quot; Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and, ladies and gentlemen, my client ''Brock Lesnar!'' We don't think of Jinder Mahal, a consolation prize champion offered to ''SmackDown Live'' when Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan realized they got the shaft in the Superstar shake-up.
:And please don't think that my client is waving the flag of ''Monday Night Raw'', marching into Survivor Series to defend the honor of ''Raw'' over ''SmackDown'' in the name of brand supremacy. Ladies and gentlemen, there is no battle for brand supremacy. Any brand that brags Brock Lesnar—say that three times fast—the brand that brags Brock Lesnar is the #1 brand. The brand that brags Brock Lesnar is the supreme brand. The brand that brags Brock Lesnar is the flagship brand with the #1 champion, the place to be in World Wrestling Entertainment. That's undisputed. And because Jinder Mahal disputes that fact, Jinder Mahal, at Survivor Series, you're going to Suplex City.

== 2018 ==

=== October 22 ===

:'''Roman Reigns''': I feel like... I feel like I owe everyone an apology. For months, maybe even a full year, I've come out here and spoke as Roman Reigns, and I said a lot of things, you know. I said that I'd be here every single week, I said I'd be a fightin' champion, I said I was gonna be consistent, and I said I was gonna be a workhorse, but...that's all lies. It's a lie because the reality is, my real name is Joe, and I've been living with leukemia for 11 years. And unfortunately, it's back. And because the leukemia is back, I cannot fulfill my role, I can't be that fightin' champion, and I'm gonna have to relinquish the Universal Championship.
:And I'm not gonna lie, I'll take every prayer you send my way, but I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not looking for you to feel bad for me, because I have faith. When I was 22 years old, I was diagnosed with this, and very quickly, I was able to put in in remission. But I'm not gonna lie, that was the hardest time of my life. I didn't have a job, I didn't have any money, I didn't have a home, and I had a baby on the way, and football was done with me.
:But you wanna know who gave me a chance? The team that gave me a chance was the WWE. And when I finally made it to the main roster and I was on the road, they put me in front of all of you, the WWE Universe. And to be honest, y'all have made my dreams come true. And it didn't matter if you cheered me, it didn't matter if you booed me. You've always reacted to me, and that is the most important thing, and for that, I have to say thank you so much.
:'''Audience''': ''[chanting] THANK YOU, ROMAN!''
:'''Roman''': Thank you. But you all know the deal. You all know how life is. Life is not fair, it's not all peaches and cream. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. And right now, the best thing for me to do is to go home, to focus on my family and my health.
:But I wanna make one thing clear. By no means is this a retirement speech. ''[The audience cheers]'' Because after I'm done whoopin' leukemia's ass once again, I'm coming back home. And when I do, it's not just be about titles and being on top. No, it's about a purpose. I'm coming back because I want to show all of you, the whole world, I wanna show my family, my friends, my children, and my wife that when life throws a curve ball at me, I am the type of man that will stand in that batter's box, I will crowd the plate, I will choke up, and I will swing for the fences every single time! Because I will beat this, and I will be back, so you will see me very, very soon. Once again, thank you so much, God bless you, and I love you. Believe that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Paul Heyman''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and tonight, my thoughts and my prayers are with the champion of a man you know as Roman Reigns. It is humbling to me amongst the members of that locker room tonight and to have been in the presence of such courage and such greatness. And when I go home tonight and I have to explain this all to my children, what I want my children to understand about this show, this presentation, this business, this industry that we all love is, what you witnessed tonight, as much as you witnessed that courage, what you witnessed was sacrifice. Because what Roman Reigns did tonight was, he sacrificed his career aspirations because, as he said, he couldn't fulfill the obligations of being the Universal Champion, because to everyone that walks through that locker room, the title deserves the best that any champion has to offer it.
:You, as the WWE Universe, the WWE fanbase, those who take pride in WWE have the right to point to the Universal Champion and say, that's the best, that is everything this presentation, this show, this industry has to offer. That's #1. And until 8:05 PM, Eastern Time tonight, we had the right to brag that the very best, the #1 was the Universal Champion.
:So now, what do we do? Roman Reigns does not want the title to stop because he can no longer defend it. Roman Reigns is the first person to tell you the show must go on, and so it does. At Crown Jewel, Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman, and only one can say, &quot;I'm the one that carries on the legacy that Roman Reigns brought to this ring tonight. I'm the one that's worthy of the prestige of being the champion. I'm the one that's worthy of the honor of being the champion. I'm the one that's worthy of ''being'' the champion,&quot; and that sure as hell ain't Braun Strowman! There's only one being in this match at Crown Jewel that's worthy of the honor of being your champion, worthy of the dignity of being your champion, worthy of walking into the Octagon and laying that title down in front of the sports universe and saying, &quot;I am the best WWE has to offer, I'm the Universal Champion, and my name is ''Brock Lesnar!''&quot;
:So Braun Strowman can walk around all that he wants and bill himself as a monster! My client Brock Lesnar doesn't ''bill'' himself as a beast. He's not a man, he ''is'' a beast! And Braun Strowman, you're not in Brock Lesnar's league. You're not in Brock Lesnar's category. You're not in Brock Lesnar's stratosphere. Braun Strowman, you can't compare to Brock Lesnar! You're not even a member of the same species as Brock Lesnar!

== 2019 ==

=== January 29 ===

:'''Becky Lynch''': Look at this. The Man is back on ''Raw''. Ronnie, I told you I'd find a way back to you again. Now, for about a year now, I've been hearing about this &quot;baddest woman on the planet,&quot; but the last time I came to your show, I dropped you right...''[points down to the left]'' there. And even after that, you never came looking for me to prove that you're the baddest. So, Ronnie, I've come looking for you to prove you're not.
:'''Audience''': ''[chanting]'' BECKY!
:'''Becky''': And you've heard about this, but last night, I won the Royal Rumble match. And unlike Seth Rollins, I don't need much time to think. I choose you.
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh yeah!
:'''Audience''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''Becky''': And at WrestleMania, I am going to break your mystique, I am going to take your title, and I am gonna kick your ass in front of the whole world.
:'''Audience''': ''[chanting, as Ronda Rousey motions for a mic]'' KICK HER ASS!
:'''Ronda Rousey''': I want the whole world to hear this. First off, how's your leg? Huh? 'Cause unlike you, I want my opponent to be looking me in the eye and primed to fight. I don't just want to beat you, I want to beat the best version of Becky Lynch that has ever existed.
:And let's just be completely honest, shall we? You, me, and everyone else here knows that I can re-break your face faster than you can say, &quot;Nia Jax.&quot; In fact, you, me, and everyone else here knows that I have the ability to kill you with my bare hands without even breaking a sweat, and the only thing stopping me is my decision not to.
:You know what, Becky? I just realized that we are the same age. That means while you were training, I was main-eventing in a sport that didn't even want women in it at all, let alone in the main event. And last year, while you were in the... the kickoff show for WrestleMania, I stole the show in my debut! How long have you been The Man, Becky? Because I've been a household name for a decade.
:You gotta learn something here, honey. Any ring I step into is mine, I own the ground under my feet, and I'm gonna own you at WrestleMania!
:'''Michael''': Oh, yeah! Can WrestleMania happen tomorrow?!
:'''Corey Graves''': Seriously, I am ready to see these two women throw down on the grandest stage of them all! Let me tell you This will be the best match in wrestlemania

=== February 25 ===

:'''Batista''': ''[drags Ric Flair out of his locker room]'' Hey Hunter, do I have your attention now? ''[takes off sunglasses]'' HUH!?

=== April 8 ===

:'''Sami Zayn''': You know, I... I... I really thought coming out here tonight would cure what ails me. All it did was reinforce what I've realized over the past nine months. It genuinely seems like you miss me. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart, I honestly did not miss any of this or any one of you. Yeah, so it turns out WWE is a super, like, toxic environment. ''[Sarcastic laugh]'' It's not because of the McMahons, and it ain't because of the other WWE Superstars, it's because of this audience and your ugliness!
:Let me be honest. I live a very meaningful and fulfilled life; I'm quite happy. But your lives seem so empty and so devoid of any kind of meaning that the only joy you get, it's not even from coming out and enjoying the shows as fans. You only get joy and satisfaction out of being critics. ''[Mocking laugh]'' You wanna know why that is, moron? You wanna know why? It's 'cause it's the only thing that gives you any sort of sense of self-importance. You judge everyone and everything except yourselves. You wanna know why that is? It's 'cause none of you have the balls to look inside yourself 'cause you know the ugliness and the cynicism that lives inside of you. You're so bloody delusional, it's hilarious.
:You really think you guys are, like, the voice of reason? You really think you guys are, like, the ''[mocking] voices that should be heard. Hear me roar!'' No. Seemingly overnight, you have become the evil overlords of WWE. Sami Zayn has been about one thing his entire career and his entire life, and that is doing what is right. And now, the right thing to do isn't to come back and ''[fake heroic] save WWE'', and it's not to come over and take over the WWE. The right thing to do is to come out here every single week and hold each and every single one of you accountable because nobody else will. See you in Hell.

=== May 27 ===

:'''Seth Rollins''': Let me explain something to you. See this right here? ''[Points to the WWE Universal Championship]'' This is my life, Lesnar. Yeah, I see that. Shut your mouth. This is my life, this is what I work for every single day, what I sacrifice for every single day, and you come out here and you make a mockery out of it. And not because you walk out here with your stupid little beat box. No. You make a mockery out of it because you are a joke. Yeah. That's not the joke, you're the joke, and I'm not afraid of you. I stomped your head into the mat at WrestleMania, and I can do it again right here, right now.
:Yeah, you used to be the most feared man in combat sports history, and look at you. You're a coward hiding behind Paul Heyman. The shell of what you used to be. You want a chance to prove me wrong, Lesnar? ''[Points to the Money in the Bank briefcase]'' There's your chance. There's your chance, Lesnar. Cash it in! Cash it in! Cash it in! Cash it in!
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[referring to the Money in the Bank contract]'' [[w:John Cone|Mr. Cone]], page 8, paragraph 27, section B: &quot;the parties mutually agree that the winner of the 2019 Money in the Bank contract, in his sole discretion&quot;—that's Brock Lesnar—&quot;picks the time and the place to challenge for either the WWE or Universal Heavyweight Championship. The aforementioned challenge shall take place at any time, with no notice, to either champion, on or by the expiration of this agreement, one year after 2019 Money in the Bank pay-per-view event. Therefore, before May 19, 2020, said challenger Brock Lesnar...&quot;
:''[Brock cups the mic, stopping Paul's recitation. He looks at the contract.]''
:'''Brock''': I got a year?
:'''Paul''': Yeah!
:'''Brock''': To cash in.
:'''Paul''': A year! ''[Pissed, Brock smacks Paul with the contract]'' Didn't you know?!
:'''Brock''': No, I didn't know!
:'''Paul''': How could you not know?! You have to make a decision!
:'''Brock''': ''[to Seth]'' I got a whole year! And I gotta make a decision now? Seth Rollins, screw...you.

== 2020 ==

=== May 11 ===

:'''Becky Lynch''': Tonight is... is no ordinary night for me. I'm torn between joy and sadness 'cause I'm... I'm at a place in my life where things are about to change, and I needed to do something about it. So I asked the decision makers to raise the stakes for the Money In The Bank ladder match, and they did just that.
:But before I get to that... I walked in through these very doors in 2013, and I didn't know anybody in this country, and I didn't know if I was good enough to be here. ''[She starts to tear up]'' And I didn't know if anybody would care about a loudmouthed Irish woman who loved puns and toast. But somewhere along the line, I... I learned that they did care, and they cared so much that they put me on their shoulders, and they carried me into history, and I will never forget that.
:Through injury and triumph, it was the fans who stood up for me, who had my back, and it was the fans who I grabbed onto when I didn't have anybody else. And that is why it's the fans, it's you at home that deserve to hear this from me first: that I have to go away for awhile.
:''[Asuka's music hits, and she charges to the ring berating Becky in Japanese]''
:'''Becky''': ''[on the Money In The Bank briefcase sitting on a table in the ring]'' It is yours, you're right. Asuka, you have beaten me when nobody else could. You have been the best wrestler in the world for a long time, and this is why I am so glad that this is happening to you. 'Cause the match last night, it wasn't what you thought it was. It wasn't for an opportunity to win the championship. It was for so much more. And I know you haven't been able to unlock this 'cause there's a combination. ''[She opens the briefcase, revealing the Raw Women's Championship]'' The match last night was actually for the Raw Women's Championship. Now, I can't fight anymore, but you can. You are the champion.
:'''Asuka''': I'm the champion?
:'''Becky''': You're the champion.
:'''Asuka''': I'm the champion!
:''[She takes the title and runs excitedly all over the Performance Center, even dancing on the announcers' table, and makes her way back to the ring]''
:'''Becky''': You are the champion, and as happy as you are to be the champion, I might be a little bit happier. So you go and be a warrior 'cause I'm gonna go be a mother.
:'''Asuka''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' &quot;Be a mother&quot;? You're gonna be a mother? ''[She hugs Becky]'' Oh, congratulations! Really?! YEAH!!! BECKY! BECKY! BECKY! BECKY! I'm so happy for you.

== 2022 ==

=== January 3 ===

:'''Brock Lesnar''': Before we get this party started tonight, I'd like to give a big shout-out to my good buddy Roman Reigns. He's probably sitting at home, more than likely, tuned in to ''Monday Night Raw'', tuned in to the ''new'' WWE Heavyweight Champion, the ''real'' champion, ''BROCK LESNAR!!!'' Get well soon, buddy. Now...South Carolina...acknowledge me.
:''[turns to Paul Heyman]'' I would like to acknowledge my advocate for advocating my free agency, for advocating all the strings you pulled Saturday to make...to help make me the WWE Champion. Paul, thank you.
:'''Paul Heyman''': If you think it's interesting out here, you should see the things that go on behind the scenes in WWE, like when I negotiated for Brock Lesnar to be a free agent—allegedly did that in advance. And then Saturday at Day 1, when Brock Lesnar showed up looking to win a title from a champion, and one champion simply could not make it, but the other champion... the other champion was in a Fatal 4-Way. And what... what's better than a Fatal 4-Way, than a Fatal 5-Way featuring Brock Lesnar! So all the behind-the-scenes machination, and the strings were pulled, and Brock Lesnar gets to enter the Fatal 5-Way.
:And now, what does Brock Lesnar do as ''your'' WWE Heavyweight Champion? Well, he concentrates not only on reigning, but defending. So at the Royal Rumble, Brock Lesnar will defend the championship against the winner of the originally scheduled Fatal 4-Way, which takes place tonight right here in this very ring. Let's run down the challengers, shall we.
:First, there's Seth Rollins and Kevin Owens, and you have to lump them in together because they are a team. They're a team, and in a match where every man is for himself, these two figured out to be jackals, to be hyenas, to go after the lions of the jungle, because then if they win it together, they have to figure it out. It's up to WWE, and screw management as far as they are concerned. And it's a smart thing for someone who's pretty damn dumb like Seth Rollins. 'Cause Seth Rollins likes to tell everybody that he's a visionary, and he's too stupid to realize that he's not a visionary, 'cause if he had a vision for the future, he'd realize that [[w:Becky Lynch|his wife]] is going to leave him if he doesn't beat Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title...and he can't! So who's she gonna leave him for? Well, I don't know, but it sure as hell won't be Kevin Owens 'cause Kevin Owens can't beat Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title either. Maybe the two of them should ask to be traded to ''SmackDown'' 'cause I understand there's a certain &quot;tribal chief&quot; who's a little vulnerable without his special counsel nowadays.
:Oh, don't go &quot;ooh!&quot; It's a historical fact. Want me to prove it to you? One week without me as special counsel, Roman Reigns already has COVID! Yeah, you can get over the Rona, but karma can be really bitchy!
:Speaking of bitchy, let's talk about MVP. Actually, let's ''not'' talk about MVP, since nobody else does anyway. Let's talk, however, about Bobby Lashley. There's a worthy challenger. Brock Lesnar has never met Bobby Lashley, there's a historical fact. Brock Lesnar never ran into Bobby Lashley in the back, they never shook hands, they never say hello to each other. It's like the two were avoiding each other, which I know is not the case 'cause neither one avoids anything or anybody in life. The first time Bobby Lashley and Brock Lesnar met, Bobby Lashley speared Brock Lesnar through that wall. The second time Brock Lesnar and Bobby Lashley met, in the very same match 48 hours ago, Brock Lesnar hit an F-5 on everybody in the match with the exception of Bobby Lashley, who speared Brock Lesnar and damn near pinned him. The third time Bobby Lashley and Brock Lesnar met, in the same match 48 hours ago, Bobby Lashley put Brock Lesnar in the Hurt Lock. And I've said this to Brock Lesnar's face, it didn't look like Brock Lesnar was going to get out. This is all a testament to how damn good Bobby Lashley is. Except, on all three of these occasions, Bobby Lashley was hitting Brock Lesnar from a blind side or behind. So if Bobby Lashley wins tonight, and he faces Brock Lesnar at the Royal Rumble, he's gonna have to face Brock Lesnar face-to-face, and that is a whole different story. The story between jackin' someone from behind, and just going down in history as the Almighty Brock Lesnar Wannabe.
:There's one more man in the match tonight. He's the odds-on favorite, he's the former champion, and it's Big E. We have nothing bad to say... ''[off a fan's cheer]'' yeah, he deserves your applause. ''That'' is a great champion. Big E did WWE justice. Big E is a credit to World Wrestling Entertainment, to the company, to the audience, to the WWE Universe and the viewers at home, to the people live here tonight, to the lineage of the WWE Title! Big E is all that and more, and he would still be WWE Champion if he didn't have to step into the ring with Brock Lesnar. We have nothing but respect and admiration for Big E. So if Big E wins tonight and he gets the rematch at the Royal Rumble, sir, it will be an absolute honor to witness that match. You're gonna lose, which is no shame, but it would still be an honor to watch you lose to the greatest WWE Champion of all time, the winner of the Fatal 4-Way-- the winner of the Fatal 5-Way, excuse me, and your new REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED WWE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, BROCK LESNAR!!!

=== April 4 ===

:'''Cody Rhodes''': So, what do you guys want to talk about? It has been 47 days since the abrupt news that I was a free agent. Amongst that, I chose to remain silent, and I heard stories, defamatory whispers, theories that surmised to be nonsense. Everyone thinks the decision to return to WWE was difficult. It was not. It was simple, really. The star that left them in the dust. The man standing here now, having signed a multi-year agreement with World Wrestling Entertainment. And if there was...
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YOU DESERVE IT!
:'''Cody''': If there was a glimmer of doubt, a shred of trepidation, the moment I rose up in front of 70-something thousand fans, the moment I made the walk at a WrestleMania and defeated one of the best superstar wrestlers in any era, that being Seth Rollins, that doubt was eradicated. I’m an avid reader, and I stumbled across this quote. It said, [[Jean de La Fontaine|&quot;a man often finds his destiny on the path he takes to avoid it.&quot;]] So, if you’ll humor me, let’s all take a look at the Tron, if you will.
:''[On the TitanTron is a picture of Dusty Rhodes holding high the WWWF Championship. The crowd chants &quot;DUSTY!&quot;]''
:'''Cody''': Right there is my father, &quot;The American Dream&quot; Dusty Rhodes. It’s so simple to say, that’s my father, but in reality, yeah, he's a legend. Yeah, he's the son of a plumber, he's a common man. He’s all those things. To me, he was my hero. This photo was taken in 1977, at Madison Square Garden. That very photo right there, he is holding the championship belt that eventually Hulk Hogan would get his hands on, the Undertaker would get his hands on, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. Oh, and Triple H, too. And many other greats. I'm gonna tell you a quick story which made this all very simple to me. This photo, this very photo, was on the mantle in my parents' bedroom until my dad's last day. And as I got hip to the industry, I worked up a little courage, and I remember I asked him, and I worded it very poorly. I said, &quot;I didn’t know that you were a champion like Hulk Hogan.&quot; And he looked at me with the same eyes that Liberty has, and he said, very stern and very patiently, he explained to me the champion's advantage. He said that he had won the match, but because it was by countout, he did not take home the championship belt.
:So, I'm 8 years old. What’s a boy to do? Right then and there, at 8 years old, I knew not what I wanted to do, what I ''needed'' to do. I was going to win this championship belt right here! I was going to place it, I was going to bestow it into the hands of The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes and tell him, &quot;nobody can take it away from you now.&quot; And there are many here tonight who have followed my journey, but for those who are new to it, unfortunately, that dream died. It died right in front of me. That opportunity passed. That opportunity passed, or did it? Yes, I cannot physically put that title belt into my father's hands. I cannot bestow it upon The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes, but I certainly can put it around the waist of The American Nightmare.
:'''Crowd''': ''[chant]'' YOU CAN DO IT!
:'''Cody''': With that in mind, the silence is broken, my intentions are clear. I've made them clear to all of you here. I stand before you, ready, finally ready. And I'm going to do it. I'm going to give the distinction that my family has long since been denied, and I'm going to do it for you, I'm going to do it for me, I'm going to do it for my family, and I am going to do it for The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Roman Reigns''': Wise Man, why don't you go ahead and explain the Bloodline's success.
:'''Paul Heyman''': The single longest-reigning tag team champions in the history of ''SmackDown!'', the Usos! The largest box office receipts in the history of SummerSlam; who was in the main event? Roman Reigns! The largest box office receipts in the history of Survivor Series; who was in the main event? Roman Reigns! The first billion-dollar-grossing year in the history of sports entertainment; who was on top as the main star all 365 days of that year?! ''[The crowd starts answering]'' Romain Reigns! The single biggest, largest-grossing box office in the history of the Royal Rumble; who was on top? Roman Reigns. The largest crowds in the history of WrestleMania Weekend, 58% increase on Peacock from last year, and the largest-grossing commerce facilitator in the history of WrestleMania; who was on top? ''[with the crowd]'' Roman Reigns!
:Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you your Tribal Chief, the Head of the Table, the single biggest star in sports entertainment, undisputed Roman Reigns.
:'''Roman''': Wise Man always has this saying, it's, &quot;what's good for Roman Reigns, is good for WWE.&quot; And it's no secret. With me at the head of the table, the billion dollar deals are coming ''easy.'' And that's because I'm the last needle mover. And I'm the last needle mover because I am constantly operating at God Mode. But you see, your Tribal Chief is so much more than all that. I'm a man of my word. I called my shot, and I delivered! I said I was gonna smash Brock Lesnar, and what did I do? Smashed him!
:But you see, that's the past now. Other men, they'd hang their hat on this weekend, but that's not who I am, because we're never content. I'm a progressive Tribal Chief, and I'm constantly moving forward. So this Friday on ''SmackDown'', we're gonna let y'all know what the next step is. But until then, Dallas, Texas...acknowledge me!

==External links==
{{wikipedia|WWE Raw}}

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    <title>The Lorax (2012 film)</title>
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'''''[[w:The Lorax (film)|The Lorax]]''''' (also known as '''''Dr. Seuss' The Lorax''''') is a 2012 American [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:List of 3-D films|3D]] [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:comedy film|comedy film]] based on [[Dr. Seuss]]' [[w:children's book|children's book]] [[w:The Lorax|of the same name]]. The film stars {{w|Zac Efron}}, {{w|Ed Helms}}, and {{w|Danny DeVito}}. It was produced by {{w|Illumination Entertainment}} and was released by {{w|Universal Pictures}} on March 2, 2012, what would have been the 108th birthday of Seuss, who died at age 87 in the year 1991. To be clear, any quotes from the film version that are not taken directly from the book may not have been written by Dr. Seuss.

:''Directed by Chris Renaud. Screenplay by Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio. Produced by Chris Meledandri and Janet Healy.''

== The Lorax ==
* I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees.
* Who taught you guys how to steal a bed?
* ''[notices Pipsqueak on the Once-ler’s bed]'' You gotta be kidding me. ''[to another Bar-ba-loot]'' Can he swim? ''[the Bar-ba-loot shakes his head]'' Of course he can't swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I'm comin' to get ya!
* ''[after seeing Pipsqueak take and eat a truffula fruit]'' Ugh, bar-ba-loots.
* ''[To the Once-ler]'' A tree falls in the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean.

== Ted ==
* ''[referring to Audrey; to The Once-ler]'' Hey, she is not some girlǃ She's a woman… in high school… and she loves trees, and I'm gonna get her one.
* I am Ted Wiggins, and I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren't perfect here in Thneedville! And they're only gonna get worse unless we do something about it! Unless we change our ways, we can start by planting ''this''! ''[holds up the truffula seed]''

== Audrey ==
* ''[Referring to her mural]'' Those are trees. ''Real ones.'' They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk.
* What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree, growing in my backyard.

== The Once-ler ==
* ''[He puts on a pair of work gloves and grabs a large axe]'' Alright, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world.
* Check it out, guys. ''[looks around, noticing all of the animals are gone]'' Where did everybody go? ''[shrugs, then grabs the tree by the trunk and drags it away toward his cottage]''
* Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax.
* ''[admiring his first thneed]'' Now that's a thneed! Nothing unmanly about knitting. No sir!
* Oh, yeah! We're in business, baby! ''[closing Everybody Needs a Thneed]'' Mom? Hey, it's me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We're going to be rich! What? I'm going to need all the help I can get. Don't worry.
* ''[closing How Bad Can I Be]'' All the customers are buying, and the money's multiplying, and the PR people are lying, ''[A Thneed is thrown on the Lorax as a picture is taken. A billboard featuring the picture reads &quot;Lorax Approved&quot;]'' and the lawyers are denying. Who cares if a few trees are dying? This is all so gratifying! How bad, how bad can this possibly be?!
* ''[To Ted]'' Because Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better... It's not.
* ''[To Ted; referring to the last Truffula seed]'' Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it's not about what it is, it's about what it can become. That's not just a seed... any more than you're just a boy.
* ''[opens the window for the first time as he hears the city singing &quot;Let it Grow&quot; and is on the verge of tears]'' Thank you, Ted.

== Mr. O'Hare ==
* ''[reffering to Ted]'' What?! Why is he leaving town? '''NO ONE EVER LEAVES TOWN!''' See what he's up to.
* You listen to me, boy. Don't go poking around in things you don't understand, or I'll be your worst nightmare. I'm Frankenstein's head on a spider's body!
* You've got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. I can't think of any reason you'd ever wanna go outside of town again. Ever.
* Nobody beats Aloysius O'Hare! ''[the elevator shuts]'' What?! ''[grunts &quot;Damn it!&quot;]''
* Bring it on, Teddy! You don't have the guts!
* ''[going after Ted and his girlfriend and grandma after the Truffula seed, through a megaphone]'' '''YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, BOY! BANG!'''
* ''[last words as he sings &quot;Let It Die&quot;]'' C'mon, who's with me, huh?

== Dialogue ==
:'''Ted''': So, anyway, let's just say, I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do?
:'''Grammy Norma''': Oh, then you know what? You'd need to find the Once-ler.
:'''Ted''': The what?
:'''Bernice Wiggins''': Mom, it's not really the time for one of your, you know, magical fables, OK?
:'''Grammy Norma''': ''[laughs]'' That's right, I forgot. I'm old, and can't even remember to put my teeth in!
:'''Bernice''': Stand down. That's not what I meant.
:'''Grammy Norma''': No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me?
:'''Bernice''': ''[sighs]'' Sure, Mom.
:'''Grammy Norma''': Okay, here the deal. The Once-ler's the man who knows what happened to the trees. If you want one, you need to find him.
:'''Ted''': The Once-ler?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ted gets pulled up by a rope and pulley to the second floor window where the Once-ler confronts him angrily.]''
:'''Once-ler''': Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here?!
:'''Ted''': I'm Ted. I'm Ted. I can't breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. 
:'''Once-ler''': Didn't you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don't let the boot hit you on the way out.
:'''Ted''': The boot? ''[gets kicked by said boot from behind]'' Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. ''[gets grabbed again]'' No, no, no!
:'''Once-ler''': Trees?
:'''Ted''': Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? ''[pause]'' Hello?
:'''Once-ler''': Sorry, it's just... Well, I didn't think anyone still cared about trees.
:'''Ted''': Well, that's me. The guy who still cares. I'm here. ''[gets put back down]'' Hey! What? 
:'''The Once-ler''': You wanna know about trees, about what happened to them, (and) why they're all gone? ''[softly]'' {{small|It's because of me.}}
:'''Ted''': Wait, what? ''[A Whisper-ma-Phone chutes down to him. He leans in to hear.]''
:'''Once-ler''': ''[shouts] &lt;big&gt;'''IT'S BECAUSE OF ME!'''&lt;/big&gt; [Ted coughs]'' And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of 1,000.
:'''Ted''': All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that's cool. 
:'''Once-ler''': You're darn right it was cool! ''[starting to explain what happened to the trees]'' It all started a long time ago.
:'''Ted''': Can we start not so long ago, maybe?
:'''Once-ler''': Do you want a tree?
:'''Ted''': Yes, yes. (Go on.)
:'''Once-ler''': Then it all started a long, &lt;big&gt;''long''&lt;/big&gt; time ago. ''[scene flashes back to the Once-ler as a young man]'' I was a young man leaving home.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ted''': ''[interrupting the story]'' Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute.
:'''Once-ler''': Excuse me?
:'''Ted''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah. That's awesome. You know, feeding junk food to forest animals? That's great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? 'Cause I'd love to hear that one.
:'''Once-ler''': Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story and was never heard from ever again. Hmm?
:'''Ted''': Right. Got it. Proceed.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Lorax''':  ''[first meeting the Once-ler]'' Hey!
:''[The Once-ler shrieks and falls backwards]''
:'''The Lorax''': Did you chop down this tree?
:'''Once-ler''': Uh, no. Who did it? ''[gasps]'' What's that?! ''[the Lorax looks back and Once-ler drops his axe on Pipsqueak the Bar-ba-loot, blaming him]'' I think he did it.
:'''The Lorax''': ''[growls]'' Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your axe and get out! 
:'''The Once-ler''': And who are you? ''[pokes the Lorax]''
:'''The Lorax''': Hey, hey! I'm the Lorax, guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. ''[The Once-ler stares at him]'' So you're telling me that you didn't see me magically appear out of that stump, with all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn't see any of that?
:'''The Once-ler''': No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that?
:'''The Lorax''': Uh, yeah. I could show you, but that's not how it works.
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[condescending]'' OK, um... Didn’t really happen. Oh, I know what you want! ''[pokes Lorax’s nose, He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Marshmallow. Holds it out.]'' ''[baby talk]'' I’ve got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw. Yummy-yummy-yummy... ''[The Lorax stares at the marshmallow]''
:'''The Lorax''': How dare you! Give me that! ''[grabs the marshmallow. Sniffs it. It smells good]'' Mmm. I'm going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it.''[plops it into his mouth, then makes his way over to the Once-ler’s tent-house which is being supported by stakes and ropes. He kicks out a stake and the canvas starts to sag]''
:'''The Once-ler''': Whoa! What are you... Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? ''[The Lorax continues circling around the tent-house pulling up stakes. He grabs his hammer and follows, pounding them back in.]'' What's your deal, man?
:'''The Lorax''': ''[They circle faster and faster around the tent-houses he pull up each stake and the Once-ler pounding them back in.]'' Time for you to go, Beanpole!
:'''The Once-ler''': Pull them right out. Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day.
:''[until the Once-ler turns a corner and is about to bring his hammer down on Pipsqueak. The Lorax has placed him right where the stake would have been. The Lorax holds up his hand to stop the Once-ler]''
:'''The Lorax''': Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature's innocent creatures?
:''[The Lorax pats Pipsqueak on the head and he happily runs offscreen]''
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[After the Lorax accuses him of harming Pipsqueak after almost hitting him with a hammer]'' What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground!
:''[The Lorax turns to all of the watching animals]''
:'''The Lorax''': Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. ''[To Once-Ler]'' Shame on you. For shame!
:''[The Once-ler drops the hammer and hides it behind his feet. Then he sees all of the animals nodding their heads in agreement. He’s had it.
:'''The Once-ler''': All right, you know what? That's it! ''[Points at Lorax]'' You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I'm going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. ''[He turns and enters his cottage. His sticks his tongue out and does Raspberries to the Lorax before slamming the door behind him! He sighs heavily, shaking his head]''
:'''The Lorax''': Then you leave me no choice. ''[Startled, the Once-ler turns and sees that the Lorax is somehow inside with him. He points a threatening finger at the Once-ler and speaks in a spooky voice as if he’s casting a spell]'' If you're not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. ''[Lorax turns to make a dramatic exit, but can’t reach the doorknob of Once-ler’s door. He hops a couple of times. Finally, the Once-ler lets him out.]'' Thanks.
:'''The Once-ler''': Yeah, okay.
:'''The Lorax''': You have been warned.
:''[The Lorax storms out and slams the door, leaving the Once-ler alone in his cottage.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Once-ler''': Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren't you like other kids? Break-dancing and wearing bell-bottoms and playing the Donkey Kongs?
:'''Ted''': ''[laughs]'' Yeah. Right, right. I don't know. Uh, I just thought it might be kinda cool to have one, you know. 
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[knowingly]'' Aaah, it's a girl, isn't it?
:'''Ted''': ''[scoffs]'' What? No!
:'''The Once-ler''': Really? 'Cause when a guy does something stupid once, well, that's because he's a guy, but if he does the same stupid thing ''twice'', that's usually to impress some girl.
:'''Ted''': ''[about Audrey]'' Hey, she is not some girlǃ She's a woman… in high school… and she loves trees, and I'm gonna get her one.
:'''The Once-ler''': Aww. How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like ''reality''.
:'''Ted''': ''[sincerely]'' Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[has just been revived by the Lorax]'' I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back, and here I am! ''[hugs the Lorax]'' You saved my life!
:'''The Lorax''': Yeah, I did, but you know, it's not that big a deal.
:'''The Once-ler''': It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! ''[realizes]'' Wait... On my bed. How did my bed get in the river?
:'''The Lorax''': Uh, about that, uh... actually, um... ''[mumbles]'' I put your bed in the water. ''[The Once-ler drops him in shock]'' I didn't mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you're chopping them down! So, we've got a big problem,
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[Pipsqueak nuzzling at Once-Ler's feet, to the Lorax]'' Alright, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. ''(Are you happy now?)''
:'''The Lorax''': ''[To the Once-ler]'' Thank you, but I'm going to keep my eye on you.
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[After surviving the waterfall incident]'' Now, I've got a big day tomorrow, and I'm gonna get some sleep. ''[walks away, then comes back]'' Right after I find my bed.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[screams and wakes up, the Lorax also screams and wakes up, punching his nose]'' Ow! Okay, what are you...? Question, what are ''they'' doing here? And follow up if I may, what are ''you'' doing here?!
:'''The Lorax''': Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it, but when we got here, you were asleep. 
:'''The Once-ler''': What? Exactly, and sleeping is the body's way of telling other people to go away.
:'''The Lorax''': I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done.
:'''The Once-ler''': &quot;No harm done&quot;, &quot;no harm done&quot;? Okay. ''[sees fish bathing in soap]'' Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. ''[sees a bird laying an egg]'' Ew. Did you just... in my bowl?!
:'''The Lorax''': ''[uses the Once-ler's toothbrush to comb his mustache]'' Why do you even own this? You don't have a mustache.
:'''The Once-ler''': Okay, that's it!
:'''The Lorax''': What? I thought we made a deal last night.
:'''The Once-ler''': Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn't chop down any more trees.
:'''The Lorax''': And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I'm starving! What's for breakfast? ''[looks into the fridge to find the big Bar-ba-loot eating entire cubes of butter]'' Breakfast is overrated. ''[closes the fridge door]''
:'''The Once-ler''': ''[strains]'' You know what? I got work to do. ''[quickly changes outfit]'' Yep! I got to go into town and sell my Thneed!
:'''The Lorax''': ''[when the Once-ler shows the Thneed to him; laughs]'' You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage?
:'''The Once-ler''': &quot;Garbage&quot;? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. ''[walks over to the Bar-ba-loots sleeping on the table and brushes them all off]'' It has 1,000,000 uses! ''[He reaches under the table and pulls up Lou who is now wearing the Thneed as underwear]'' Look at this. It's a swimsuit! ''[Then he points to the muddy animal tracks on the floor.]'' Mud tracked all over your floor by uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! ''[He uses it to wipe up the mud tracks]'' But wait, there's more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! ''[Then he goes to the fish swimming a glass filled with water. Shoves the Thneed into the glass. SLUUUURP! It instantly soaks up all the water, leaving the irritated fish standing in the dry glass.]'' It also works as a hat. ''[plops the Thneed onto Lorax’s head. SPLURCH! It’s sopping wet and drips all over him. The Lorax gives the Once- ler a look]'' Of course, you probably want to wring it out first.
:'''The Lorax''': ''[takes the Thneed off his head and throws it at the Once-ler.]'' Go ahead. Knock yourself out, but nobody is going to buy that thing.
:'''The Once-ler''': Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo.
:''[The Once-ler strums his guitar.]''
:'''The Lorax''': You're bringing a guitar?
:'''The Once-ler''': Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I'm gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! ''[He holds up the Thneed defiantly.]'' Yeah. ''[slams the door, waking up a Swommee-Swan, who HONKS.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In deleted scene, The Man tosses the Thneed which lands on a nerdy teen girl's head, knocking her glasses off and letting her hair down. She slowly flips her hair with the Thneed on her head as if there was supposed to be a dramatic change to her appearance.]''
:'''Teen Boy''': Hey. Cool hat.
:'''Teen Girl 1''': Oh, my gosh. I totally want one.
:'''Teen Girl 2''': That thing makes me like you more.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grizelda''': ''[referring to the Lorax]'' So, who invited the giant furry peanut?
:'''The Lorax''': You callin' me a peanut, huh? I'll go right up your nose!
:'''Grizelda''': Ha! ''[advances on him]''
:'''The Once-ler''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! You wouldn't hit a woman.
:'''The Lorax''': ''[gasps]'' That's a ''woman''?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Lorax''': Happy yet? You filled that hole deep down inside you, or do you still need more?
:'''The Once-ler''': Look, if you've got a problem with what I'm doing, why haven't you used your quote-unquote &quot;powers&quot; to stop me?
:'''The Lorax''': I told you, that's not how it works.
:'''The Once-ler''': Right, I forgot... you're a fraud. I need you to get out! Now!
:'''The Lorax''': Why? Do I make you uncomfortable,  remind you of the promises you made, the man you used to be?
:'''The Once-ler''': You know what? You can just shut your mustache! ''[Begins inching towards the Lorax, who backs away]'' My conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal, I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees in to Thneeds! ''[The Lorax falls backwards and hits the ground.]'' '''And nothing is going to stop me!'''
:''[In the distance, a loud motor is heard. The Once-ler and Lorax both look and see the VERY LAST TRUFFULA TREE being chopped down by a Super Axe-Hacker.]''
:'''The Lorax''': That's it. The very last one. That may stop you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bernice''': Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O'Hare, the most powerful man in town.
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': ''[Ted shocked in surprise.]'' There he is! Hello, Ted.
:'''Ted''': Uh... Hi.
:'''Bernice''': Isn't he clever, Mr. O'Hare? He knows his own name and everything.
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I'll stay here and talk.
:'''Bernice''': Sure, why don't you go ahead and adopt him? I'm just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I'll get your cookie.
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': I know you have it, Ted. So, let's put an end to this nonsense, shall we? ''[Ted angrily faces him]'' Hand it over.
:'''Ted''': I'm sorry... I don't know what you're talking about.
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': Really? Well, then... I guess you wouldn't mind us checking your room.
:'''Ted''': No, no, no!
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': Morty! McGurk! Find the seed!
:'''Ted''': No, you can't go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can't come in my room!
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': Find it! ''[O'Hare barges into Ted's room trying to find and destroy the Truffula seed]'' Find it!
:'''Bernice''': What is going on here?
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': ''[to Bernice, after she comes up stairs and what's going on]'' '''THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU!''' Get back downstairs!
:'''Bernice''': ''[to O’Hare]'' Excuse me, down there! I don't care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous.
:'''Mr. O'Hare''': Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We'll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. ''[O’Hare takes the plate of cookies with Mrs. Wiggins Holding him.]''
:'''Bernice''': Mind telling me what's going on here?
:'''Ted''': The seed! Where is it?
:'''Bernice''': Seed?
:''[Ted finds Grammy Norma's cane]''
:'''Ted''': Where's Grammy?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Audrey''': ''[to Ted]'' I could just kiss you right now! ''[Ted and Audrey lean in to kiss, but Ted's mother stops them]''
:'''Bernice''': ''Oop!'' We don't have time for that!
:'''Ted''': I dunno, we have a little time. ''[Audrey and his mom stare at him]'' You know what? Let's just go. Let's go. Forget about it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Once-ler, now elderly with a white mustache, reunites with the Lorax, laughing]''
:'''The Lorax''': You done good, Beanpole. You done good. ''[chuckles]'' By the way, nice mustache.

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* One of the funny things that we discovered was that because they don't look like trees or animals that we understand or relate to directly, you have to create, based on Seuss' illustrations, something that's believable. Because the Truffula trees are beautiful -- they look like cotton candy. But, by the same token, you have to create something that the audience feels something for. So it can't just feel like Candy Land; you have to buy it as a real forest. So we looked at Birch trees and then figured out how to make those wonderful illustrations work in a 3-D movie. It's a real fantasy forest that you could relate to when it's being chopped down.
* We had a design that was very city-like and very dense, which wasn't quite working. But we went back and looked at a little drawing in the upper corner of the page when the little boy is first coming to look at the Lorax. And we sort of used that as our basis: it's got these big, curvy roads and a couple of building shapes. In some ways, the easier choice would've been to create a Blade Runner-like dystopian future with smog. But of course we wanted to create something that was fun and entertaining, but in some way relates a little more about where we are today, with inflatable bushes and plastic flowers and fake nature that still has a sense of fun, much like Disneyland or Las Vegas or Dubai. So, in the movie that felt like a great way to go but also suggesting that you have to be careful to maintain balance with nature so it can be sustained.
:* Chris Renaud [http://www.awn.com/animationworld/chris-renaud-talks-lorax/ &quot;Chris Renaud Talks 'The Lorax'&quot;], as interviewed by Bill Desowitz,  ''Animation World Network'', Friday, March 2, 2012.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Danny DeVito|Danny DeVito]] — The Lorax
* [[w:Ed Helms|Ed Helms]] — The Once-ler
* [[w:Zac Efron|Zac Efron]] — Ted
* [[Taylor Swift]] — Audrey
* [[w:Rob Riggle|Rob Riggle]] — Mr. O'Hare
* [[w:Jenny Slate|Jenny Slate]] — Bernice
* [[w:Betty White|Betty White]] — Grammy Norma

== See Also ==
* [[How the Grinch Stole Christmas (film)|How the Grinch Stole Christmas]]
* [[The Cat in the Hat (film)|The Cat in the Hat]]
* [[Horton Hears a Who! (film)|Horton Hears a Who! (film)]]

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=1482459|title=The Lorax}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lorax (film), The}}
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[[Category:Animated films about bears]]
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'''[[W:James Howard Kunstler|James Howard Kunstler]]''' (born [[October 19]], [[1948]], New York City, New York) is an American author, social critic, public speaker, and blogger.

== Quotes ==
=== ''[[w:World Made by Hand|World Made by Hand]]'' (2008) ===
Kunstler, James Howard. ''World Made by Hand''. New York, NY: Grove Press, 2008. Print. {{ISBN|978-0-8021-4401-0}}.

* In the early twenty-first century [[farming]] had all but died out here. We got our food from the supermarket, and not everybody cared where the supermarket got it as long as it was there on the shelves. A few elderly dairymen hung on. Many let their fields and pastures go to scrub. Some sold out to what used to be called developers, and they'd put in five or ten poorly build houses. Now, in the new times, there were far fewer people, and many houses outside town were being taken down for their materials. Farming was back. That was the only way we got food.
** Chapter 1, p. 5

* We lived more by the sun than by the clock, but I did own a clock. It was an eight-day windup console clock which I kept on the mantel in the living room, and it was the only timepiece in the house that worked anymore.
** Chapter 4, p. 20

* Living by the clock was an old habit that died hard. Not much that we did required punctuality, but people still wanted to know what time it was.
** Chapter 4, p. 20

* The racket was coming over what used to be our public radio station, WAMC out of [[Wikipedia:Albany, New York|Albany]], but the familiar [...] voices [...] were long gone. Some febrile evangelist was railing from the Book of Revelation.
** Chapter 4, p. 20

* I switched on the television on the outside chance that something might come through. Nothing had been on for years. The local network affiliates withered away after the national network of cable channels went out until there was nothing. 
** Chapter 4, p. 20–21

* I searched the FM band but there was nothing besides other pious pleaders, and they didn't come in too well. The AM band offered about the same thing, only with worse reception, nothing remotely describable as news, and no music because commercial entertainment as we knew it was no more, and its handmaiden, advertising had gone with it.
** Chapter 4, p. 21

* I had one of those steel thermal mugs you carried everywhere with you as a kind of signifier of how busy, and therefore how important you were.
** Chapter 4, p. 22

* It was obvious there would be no return to [what we used to call] &quot;normality.&quot; The [resource-intensive] economy wouldn't be coming back. [[Wikipedia:Globalism|Globalism]] was over. The politicians and generals were failing to pull things together at the center. We would not be returning to Boston. The computer industry, in which so many hopes had been vested, was fading into history.
** Chapter 4, p. 24

* In a world that had become a salvage operation, the general supply evolved into Union Grove's leading industry. When every last useful thing in town had been stripped from the [[Wikipedia:Kmart|Kmart]] and the United Auto, the [[Wikipedia:CVS Pharmacy|CVS drugstore]], and other trading establishments of the bygone national chain-store economy, daily life became a perpetual flea market centered on the old town dump.
** Chapter 5, p. 28

* We regarded [[Wikipedia:Opium|opium]] as a godsend. It did not develop into an illicit trade, though. There was no legal prohibition, no police running around trying to suppress drugs, driving up the price artificially, and no marketing system. There were no distant markets to send it to because shipping anything was slow at best and often unreliable, and travel was something you just didn't do anymore. Anybody could grow their own [[Wikipedia:Papaver somniferum|poppies]] or buy raw opium paste from one of the growers. Farmers made more money growing raspberries or asparagus. They grew poppies as a public service. A few people took to smoking opium, but those with an extremely apathetic attitude toward survival tended not to last long in the new disposition of things.
** Chapter 5, p. 30

* Children [...] had sat in those very box buildings under buzzing fluorescent lights listening to their science teachers prattle about the wonders of space travel and gene splicing and how we were all going to live to be a hundred and twenty-five years old in &quot;smart&quot; computer-controlled houses where all we had to do was speak to bump up the heat or turn on giant home theater screens in a life of perpetual leisure and comfort. It made me sick to think about. Not because there's something necessarily wrong with leisure or comfort, but because that's where our aspirations ended. And in the face of what had actually happened to us, it seemed obscenely stupid.
** Chapter 6, p. 33–34

* Motion is a great tranquilizer.
** Chapter 6, p. 34

* Few dogs were around anymore. Some had been eaten during the hunger that followed the flu in the spring of that year. People didn't talk about it; it was so demoralizing.
** Chapter 7, p. 36

* Jesus [...] look how we live? I'm practically a serf.
** Chapter 7, p. 37

* You could argue people are generally better off now mentally than they were back then. We follow the natural cycles. We eat real food instead of processed crap full of chemicals. We're not jacked up on coffee and television and [...] advertising all the time. No more anxiety about credit card bills.
** Chapter 7, p. 37–38

* We all knew the apparatus of justice had dissolved.
** Chapter 12, p. 57

* As the world changed, we reverted to social divisions that we'd thought were obsolete. The egalitarian pretenses of the high-octane decades had dissolved, and nobody even debated it anymore, including the women of our town. A plain majority of the townspeople were laborers now, whatever in life they had been before. Nobody in town called them peasants, but in effect, that's what they'd become. That's just the way things were.
** Chapter 21, p. 101

* [[Wikipedia:Waterford (town), New York|Waterford]] began its existence as the gateway to the [[Wikipedia:Erie Canal|Erie Canal system]], the first stretch of which was built to bypass several waterfalls on the [[Wikipedia:Mohawk River|Mohawk River]].
** Chapter 28, p. 137

* I remembered Albany [...] as just another down-on-its-luck small American city that had sacrificed its vitality to a whirring ring of homogenous suburbs.
** Chapter 29, p. 140

* We're building our own New Jerusalem up the river. It's a world made by hand, now, one stone at a time, one board at a time, one hope at a time, one soul at a time.
** Chapter 29, p. 142

* Whatever the other failures of the U.S. government were, it had managed to print an excess of dollars which, combined with the collapse of trade and communication, had severely eroded the currency's value.
** Chapter 30, p. 146

* I lay awake [...] listening to the rain drip from the eaves and thinking of the big map that hung from the top of the chalkboard in my primary school in Wilton, Connecticut, so many years ago, back in the days of cars, television, and air-conditioning. The states on this map were muted tones of pink, green, and yellow. Over it hung the flag that we pledged allegiance to every single morning. &quot;One nation under God, indivisible...&quot;
** Chapter 31, p. 150

* I'd been carrying [my Ruger .41 Magnum] so many days that I had almost forgotten it was there. This was the kind of world we now lived in.
** Chapter 36, p. 171

* I argued that the human race should have known it was in trouble, [...] given how insane our way of life had become. Minor quit blowing into his harmonica long enough to say that [[Wikipedia:John D. Rockefeller|John D. Rockefeller]] and the [[Wikipedia:Bush family|Bush family]] had made a deal with the Devil going back all the way to the 1900s.
** Chapter 38, p. 181

* Could we even pretend the law still existed? Or was it something you made up now, as the occasion required?
** Chapter 38, p. 181

* The essence of politics was to not act on your impulses.
** Chapter 42, p. 199

* There's real strangeness in this world of ours. Back in the machine times, there was so much noise front and back, so to speak, it kept us from knowing what lies behind the surface of things. 
** Chapter 55, p. 262

* It was more possible that the human race possessed some spark of divinity that was worth cultivating than that a mysterious ''being'' was up there in the ether somewhere with anthropomorphic qualities of goodness and mercy running the whole show.
** Chapter 65, p. 315–316

* We were content to be undisturbed in our little backwater, Union Grove, [[Wikipedia:Washington County, New York|Washington County]], in a place once called the [[Wikipedia:New York State|Empire State]], where the [[Wikipedia:Battenkill|Battenkill]] runs into the [[Wikipedia:Hudson River|Hudson River]].
** Chapter 65, p. 317

=== ''[[w:The Long Emergency|The Long Emergency]]'' (2005) ===
Kunstler, James Howard. ''The Long Emergency''. New York, NY: Grove Press, 2005. Print. {{ISBN|978-0-8711-3888-0}}.

* It has been [...] hard [...] to make sense of the gathering forces that will fundamentally alter the terms of everyday life in [...] society. Even after the [[September 11 attacks|terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001]], that collapsed the twin towers of the [[w:World Trade Center (1973–2001)|World Trade Center]] and sliced through [[the Pentagon]], [...] [we are] still sleepwalking into [an uncertain] [...] future. We have walked out of our burning house, and we are now headed off the edge of a cliff. Beyond that cliff is an abyss of economic and political disorder on a scale that no one has ever seen before. […]  It is my view, for instance, that in the decades to come the national government will prove to be so impotent and ineffective in managing the enormous vicissitudes we face that the [[United States]] may not survive as a nation in any meaningful sense but […] will devolve into a set of autonomous regions.
** Chapter 1, p. 1.

* It is no exaggeration to state that reliable supplies of cheap [and easy-to-find [[hydrocarbon]]s like] [[oil]] and [[w:natural gas|natural gas]] underlie everything we identify as a benefit of modern life. All the necessities, comforts, luxuries, and miracles of our time [...] owe their origins or continued existence in one way or another to cheap fossil fuel. Even our nuclear power plants [...] depend on cheap [...] [hydrocarbons] for all the procedures of construction, maintenance, and extracting and processing nuclear fuels. The blandishments of cheap oil and gas were so seductive, and induced such transports of mesmerizing contentment, that we ceased paying attention to the essential nature of these miraculous gifts from the [deep] earth: that they exist in finite, nonrenewable supplies, unevenly distributed around the world. To aggravate matters, the wonders of steady technological progress under the reign of oil have tricked us [...] to believe that anything we wish for hard enough can come true. These days, even people in our culture who ought to know better are wishing ardently that a smooth, seamless transition from fossil fuels to their putative replacements [...] lies just a few years ahead. [...] This is a dangerous fantasy. The true best-case scenario may be that some of these technologies will take decades to develop–meaning that we can expect an extremely turbulent interval between the end of cheap oil and whatever comes next. A more likely scenario is that new fuels and technologies may never replace fossil fuels at the scale, rate, and manner at which the [industrial] world currently consumes them.
** Chapter 1, p. 2–3.

* What is [...] not comprehended about this predicament is that the developed world will begin to suffer long before the oil and gas [...] run out. The [[American Dream|American way of life]] [...] can run only on reliable supplies of dependably cheap [hydrocarbons like] oil and gas. Even mild to moderate deviations in [...] supply will crush our economy and make […] daily life impossible. Fossil fuel reserves are not scattered equitably around the world. They tend to be concentrated in places where the native peoples don’t like the West in general [...], places physically very remote, places where we realistically can exercise little control [...]. [...] We can be certain that the price and supplies of fossil fuels will suffer oscillations and disruptions in the period ahead [...]. [...] The decline of fossil fuels is certain to ignite chronic strife between nations contesting the remaining supplies. These resource wars have already begun. There will be more of them. They are [...] likely to grind on and on [...]. They will only aggravate a situation that, in and of itself, could bring down civilizations. The extent of suffering [...] will certainly depend on how tenaciously we attempt to cling to obsolete habits, customs, and assumptions–for instance, how fiercely [...] [we] decide to fight to maintain suburban lifestyles that simply cannot be rationalized any longer.
** Chapter 1, p. 3.

* [[Thomas Robert Malthus|[Thomas] Malthus]] was certainly correct [that demand will outstrip supply], but [...] [hydrocarbons] [...] skewed the [supply-demand] equation over the past [two] hundred years while the human race has enjoyed an unprecedented orgy of [a fraction of] nonrenewable condensed solar energy accumulated over eons of prehistory. The “green revolution” in boosting crop yields was minimally about scientific innovation in crop genetics and mostly about dumping massive amounts of fertilizers and pesticides made [...] of [...] [petroleum] onto crops, as well as employing irrigation at a fantastic scale made possible by abundant oil and gas. The cheap oil age created an artificial bubble of plenitude for a period not much longer than a human lifetime, a hundred years. Within that […], the idea took hold that only grouches, spoilsports, and godless maniacs considered population hypergrowth a problem [with a direct solution], and that to even raise the issue was indecent. [...] As oil ceases to be cheap and the world reserves arc toward depletion, we will indeed suddenly be left with an enormous surplus population [...] that the ecology of the earth [sic] will not support. No political program of birth control will avail. The people are already here. The journey back to non-oil population homeostasis will not be pretty. We will discover the hard way that [[w:Baby boom|population hypergrowth]] was simply a side effect of the oil age. It was [more of] a condition [without a remedy], not a problem with a [direct] solution. That is what happened, and we are stuck with it.
** Chapter 1, p. 8.

* The high tide of the [...] [industrial] age also happened to be a moment in history when human ingenuity gained an upper hand against the age-old scourges of disease. We have enjoyed the great benefits of antibiotic medicine for [...] a half-century. Penicillin, sulfa drugs, and their descendants briefly gave [hu]mankind the notion that diseases caused by microorganisms could, and indeed would, be systematically vanquished. Or, at least, this was the popular view. Doctors and scientists knew better. [...] The recognition is now growing that the victory over microbes was short-lived. They are back in force, including [...] old enemies such as tuberculosis and staphylococcus in new drug-resistant strains. Other old diseases are on the march into new territories, as a response to climate change brought on by global warming [caused by the burning of fossil fuels]. In response to unprecedented habitat destruction by humans and the invasion of [what we call] wilderness, the earth [sic] itself seems to be sending forth new and much more lethal diseases, as though it had a [...] protective immune system with antibody-like agents aimed with remarkable precision at the source of the problem: ''Homo sapiens''.
** Chapter 1, p. 9–10.

* At the same time, the world is overdue for an extreme influenza epidemic. The last major outbreak was the [[w:Spanish flu|1918 Spanish influenza]], which killed fifty million [and possibly more, as we will not know the real numbers] people worldwide and changed the course of history. […] Disease will certainly play a larger role in the Long Emergency than many can now imagine. An epidemic could paralyze social and economic systems, interrupt global trade, and bring down governments. […] At the very least, the Long Emergency will be a time of diminished life spans for many of us, as well as reduced standards of living–at least as understood within the current social context. Fossil fuels had the effect of temporarily raising the carrying capacity of the earth. Our ability to resist the environmental corrective of disease will [...] prove to have been another temporary boon of the [...] [industrial] age [...]. So much of what we construe to be among our entitlements to perpetual progress may prove to have been a strange, marvelous, and anomalous moment in [...] history.
** Chapter 1, p. 11–12.

* The so-called global economy was not a permanent institution, [...] but a set of transient circumstances peculiar to a certain time: the […] fossil fuel era. […] Factories could be started up in [[Sri Lanka]] and [[Malaysia]], where swollen populations furnished trainable workers willing to labor for much less than those back in the United States or [[Europe]]. Products then moved around the globe in a highly rationalized system, not unlike the oil allocation system, using immense vessels, automated port facilities, and truck-scaled shipping containers at a minuscule cost-per-unit of whatever was made and transported. Shirts or coffeemakers manufactured 12,000 miles away could be shipped to Wal-Marts all over America and sold cheaply. […] Meanwhile, among economists and government figures, globalism developed [...] [as] an intellectual fad. Globalism allowed them to believe that burgeoning wealth in the developed countries, and the spread of industrial activity to formerly primitive regions, was based on the potency of their own ideas and policies rather than on cheap [and easy-to-find hydrocarbons like] oil. […] [An] overlooked [fact] is that [[Margaret Thatcher|[Margaret] Thatcher]]’s success in reviving England coincided with a fantastic new revenue stream from {{w|North Sea}} oil, as quaint old Britannia became energy self-sufficient and a net energy-exporting nation for the first time since the heyday of coal. Globalism then infected America when [[Ronald Reagan]] came on the scene in 1981. Reagan’s ‘supply-side” economic advisors retailed a set of fiscal ideas that neatly accessorized the new notions about free trade and deregulation, chiefly that massively reducing taxes would […] result in greater revenues as the greater aggregate of business activity generated a greater aggregate of taxes even at lower rates. (What it […] generated was huge government deficits.) […] The rise of computers, in turn, promoted the fantasy that commerce in sheer information would be the long-sought replacement for all the played-out activities of the smokestack economy. A country like America, it was now thought, no longer needed steelmaking or tire factories or other harsh, dirty, troublesome enterprises. Let the poor masses of [[Asia]] and {{w|South America}} have them and lift themselves up from agricultural peonage. America would outsource all this old economy stuff and use computers to orchestrate the movement of parts and the assembly of products from distant quarters of the world, and then sell the stuff in our own {{w|K-mart}}s and {{w|Wal-Mart}}s, which would become global juggernauts of retailing. […] It was also like a convoluted liquidation sale of the accrued wealth of two hundred years of industrial society for the benefit of a handful of financial buccaneers, with the great masses relegated to a race to the bottom as the economic assets are dismantled and sold off, and their livelihoods are closed […]. That this development was uniformly greeted as a public good by the vast majority of Americans, at the same time that their local economies were being destroyed—and with them, myriad social and civic benefits—is one of the greater enigmas of recent social history. In effect, Americans threw away their communities […] to save a few dollars on hair dryers and plastic food storage tubs, never stopping to reflect on what they were destroying.
** Chapter 1, p. 12-16.

* [Globalism's] demise will coincide with the end of the cheap-oil age. For better or worse, many of the circumstances we associate with globalism will be reversed. Markets will close as political turbulence and military mischief interrupt trade relations. As markets close, societies will turn increasingly to import replacement[s] for sheer economic survival. The cost of transport will no longer be negligible in a post-cheap-oil age. Many of our agricultural products will have to be produced closer to home, and [...] by more intensive [...] labor as oil and natural gas supplies become increasingly unstable. The world will stop shrinking and become larger again. Virtually all [...] the [...] relationships [...] that we have taken for granted as permanent will be radically changed [...]. Life will become intensely and increasingly local.
** Chapter 1, p. 17.

* In any case, the tragic truth is that much of suburbia is unreformable. It does not lend itself to being retrofitted into the [...] mixed-use, smaller scaled, more fine-grained walkable environments we will need to carry on daily life in the coming age of [...] reduced motoring. [...] Instead, this suburban real estate [...] will enter a phase of rapid and cruel devaluation. Many of the suburban subdivisions will become the slums of the future. […] The seasons […] will continue with the great cycles of contraction and expansion, and at some point, in the future, who knows how many years distant, some of these cities in a land once called [the [[United States|United States of North] America]] may be robust and cosmopolitan in ways that we can’t imagine now, any more than a Roman of A.D. 38 might have been able to imagine the future London of the Beatles.
** Chapter 1, p. 17–18.

* […] We have lived through as a narrative episode in a greater saga of human history. The industrial story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. [[w:First Industrial Revolution|It begins in the mid-eighteenth century with coal and the first steam engines]], [[w:Second Industrial Revolution|proceeds to a robust second act]] climaxing in the years before [[World War I]], and moves toward a third act resolution now that we can anticipate with some precision the depletion of the resources that made the industrial episode possible. As the industrial story ends, the greater saga of [hu]mankind will move on into a new episode, the Long Emergency. This is […] a self-evident point, but throughout history, even the most important and self-evident trends are often completely ignored because the changes they foreshadow are simply unthinkable. That process is sometimes referred to as an “outside context problem,” something so far beyond the ordinary experience of those dwelling in a certain time and place that they cannot make sense of available information. The collective mental static preventing comprehension is also sometimes referred to as “cognitive dissonance,” a term borrowed from developmental psychology. It helps explain why the […] public has been sleepwalking into the future. The Long Emergency is going to be a tremendous trauma for […] human[s] […]. It is likely to entail political [and social] turbulence every bit as extreme as the economic conditions that prompt it.
** Chapter 1, p. 20.

* Whole ideologies had to be constructed to account for being modern and to explain it.
** Chapter 2, p. 22.

* Now, exactly a hundred years after the first powered flight at {{w|Kitty Hawk, North Carolina}}, I can get on a jet airplane twice the size of a house several times a month and fly halfway across North America in the time it takes to finish a newspaper—and I end up feeling cranky and resentful about the service, to boot! They ran out of pretzels! The air conditioning was set too low! […] Everything characteristic about the condition we call modern life has been a direct result of our access to abundant supplies of cheap [[Fossil fuel|fossil fuels]]. Fossil fuels have permitted us to fly, to go where we want to go rapidly, and move things easily from place to place. Fossil fuels rescued us from the despotic darkness of the night. They have made the pharaonic scale of building commonplace everywhere. They have allowed a fractionally tiny percentage of our swollen populations to produce massive amounts of food. They have allowed us to develop industries of surpassing ingenuity and to push the limits of what it even means to be human [...]. [But] The age of fossil fuels is about to end. There is no replacement for them at hand. 
** Chapter 2, p. 23.

* Because the oil peak phenomenon […] cancels out further industrial growth of the kind we are used to, its implications lie radically outside […] economic paradigm. So, the oil peak phenomenon has been discounted to about zero among conventional economists, who assume that “market signals” about oil supplies will inevitably trigger innovation, which, in turn, will cause [something] new […] to materialize and enable further growth. If the market signals are not triggering innovation, then the problem must be overstated and growth under the oil regime will resume—after, say, a normal periodic downcycle. This is obvious casuistry, but casuistry can be a great comfort when a problem has no real solution. […] Our investment in an oil-addicted way of life […] is now so inordinately large that it is too late to salvage all the national wealth wasted on building it, or to continue that way of life more than a decade or so into the future. What’s more, as we have outsourced manufacturing to other countries, the entire U.S. economy has become more […] dependent on continued misinvestment in […] suburbia and its accessories. No politician wants to tell voters that the [[American Dream]] has been canceled for a lack of […] resources. The U.S. economy would disintegrate. So, whichever party is in power has tended to ignore the issue, change the subject, or spin it into the realm of delusion.
** Chapter 2, p. 28.

* Oil is an amazing substance. It stores a tremendous amount of energy per weight and volume. It is easy to transport. It stores easily at regular air temperature in unpressurized metal tanks, and it can sit there indefinitely without degrading. You can pump it through a pipe, you can send it all over the world in ships, you can haul it around in trains, cars, and trucks, you can even fly it in tanker planes and refuel other airplanes in flight. It is flammable but has proven to be safe to handle with a modest amount of care by people with double-digit IQs. […] We used [oil] [...] as if there was no tomorrow. Now there may not be one. That's how special oil has been. 
** Chapter 2, p. 31.

* […] The base price of a barrel of oil did eventually more than quadruple by the time the embargo was called off in March 1974. And the price rise alone staggered the West and Japan. Already at that time, public transit was a thing of the past and about 85 percent of Americans drove to work every day.
** Chapter 2, p. 46.

* Oil is the world's most critical resource. Without it, nothing works in industrial civilization as currently configured. Few people dispute the idea that the world will eventually run out of oil, and there is a broad recognition that it will happen [...].
** Chapter 3, p. 64.

* The total planetary endowment of conventional nonrenewable liquid oil was [...] two trillion barrels before humans started using it [and possibly more, as most of it was used to protect the Earth's crust]. Since the mid-nineteenth century, the world has burned through [...] one trillion barrels of oil, [...] representing the easiest-to-get, highest-quality liquids. [...] Oil has enabled the [[w:Baby boom|[post-War] population explosion]].
** Chapter 3, p. 66.

* The denial about [the] global peak in the United States is already fierce, as investments in car-dependent, oil-addicted infrastructure are greater here than in any other nation and Americans consider their way of life a God-given entitlement. […] The economic [...] [struggle] among [...] all nations, [...] will be considerable and is certain to lead to increasingly desperate competition for diminishing supplies of oil [and every other resource]. 
** Chapter 3, p. 68.

* […] With China becoming a presence by necessity in the region, we would be back in a cold war again, or something worse, contesting with a rival world hegemon, this time over […] resources, not [just] ideology.
** Chapter 3, p. 84.

* Eventually, […] [we] will have to contend with the problems of the Long Emergency: the end of industrial growth, falling standards of living, economic desperation, declining food production, and domestic political strife. A point will be reached when the great powers of the world no longer have the means to project their power any distance. Even nuclear weapons may become inoperable, considering how much their careful maintenance depends on other technological systems linked to our fossil fuel economy.
** Chapter 3, p. 98.

* To some degree, all […] the non-fossil fuel energy sources […] depend on an underlying fossil fuel economy. You can’t manufacture metal wind turbines using wind energy technology. You can’t make lead-acid storage batteries for solar electric systems using any known solar energy systems.
** Chapter 3, p. 100.

* This age-old tendency of humans to believe in magical deliverance and to wish for happy outcomes has been aggravated by the very technological triumphs that the oil age brought into existence. Technology itself has become a […] supernatural force, one that has demonstrably delivered all kinds of miracles within the memory of many people now living […].
** Chapter 3, p. 101.

* Natural gas […] is not as versatile as gasoline, but it does a lot of tasks beautifully. Gas is the feedstock—the raw material—for a wide array of chemicals, pharmaceuticals, and plastics. Ninety-five percent of the nitrogenous fertilizers used in America are made […] of natural gas, and so it has become indispensable to U.S. agriculture.
** Chapter 3, p. 103.

* Both the mining and the washing [of hydrocarbons] require huge amounts of energy, and it has been proposed that any commercial exploitation of the [[w:Athabasca oil sands|Alberta tar sands]] would take 20 percent of [[Canada]]’s total natural gas production. In the long run, it might not be worth expending the energy from gas to get the energy from the tar sands. If oil from the tar sands themselves were used to process more tar sands, the return would be three barrels of oil for every two consumed. […] In the early days of conventional oil in [[Texas]], the {{w|ERoEI}} formula was very favorable, around twenty to one. The oil was found close to the surface on dry land in temperate places easy to work in, and it gushed out of the ground under its own pressure. […] Going a bit further, the fundamental equations that support all gigantic […] organisms, […] may no longer obtain, and human life would have to reorganize its activities on a different basis. Also, once these complex systems and their subsystems halt their operations, restarting them may range from difficult to impossible […].
** Chapter 3, p. 108.

* [[w:Ancient Roman architecture|Roman architecture]] would have been impossible without the complex socioeconomic platform of [the] empire. The medieval social platform for northern European life was less elaborate and […] less complex. Compare these two historical cases with the complexity of social and economic organization that allows oil to be extracted from the ground, refined to gasoline, transported six thousand miles, and used in a highly engineered, fine-tuned machine called a car, driven on a six-lane freeway. If the social and economic platform fails, how long before the knowledge base dissolves? Two hundred years from now, will anyone know how to build or even repair a 1962 Chrysler slant-six engine? Not to mention a Nordex 1500 kW wind turbine? […] The existing knowledge in basic physics and chemistry is so widespread that it is likely to persist quite a while into the future and provide a foundation for doing more with less than, say, the people of the eighteenth century were able to do with their more limited knowledge.
** Chapter 4, p. 130.

* We surely will have to reform our land-use habits and the oil-based transportation system that has allowed us to run our car-crazy suburban environments. We'll have to drastically change the way we grow our food and where we grow it. [The] social organization may be quite different in the decades ahead. Features of contemporary life that we have taken for granted [...] may fade into history. Politics that evolved to suit the [...] [industrial age] may morph beyond recognition [...].
** Chapter 4, p. 141.

* Our brains are […] not equipped to process events on the geologic scale—at least in reference to how we choose to live, or what we choose to do in the here-and-now.
** Chapter 5, p. 148.

* [Global warming] [...] happens to coincide with our imminent descent down the slippery slope of [...] [hydrocarbon] depletion, so that all the potential discontinuities of that epochal circumstance will be amplified, ramified, reinforced, and torqued by climate change. If global warming is a result of human activity, fossil fuel-based industrialism, [...] then it seems [...] the prospects are poor that […] human[s] […] will be able to do anything about it, because the journey down the oil depletion arc will be much more disorderly than the journey up was. The disruptions and hardships of decelerating industrialism will destabilize governments and societies to the degree that concerted international action [...] will never be carried out. In the chaotic world of diminishing and contested [...] resources, there will simply be a mad scramble to use up whatever [...] people can manage to lay their hands on. The very idea that we possess any control over the process seems to be further evidence of the delusion gripping our [...] culture [...].
** Chapter 5, p. 148–149.

* [...] Abrupt climate change may be normal in the planet's history, or, to state it differently, that the earth's [sic] climate is inherently very unstable.
** Chapter 5, p. 149. 

* Without the [[w:Gulf Stream|Gulf Stream]], [[United  Kingdom|Britain]], [[France]], the [[w:Low Countries|Low Countries]], and [[Scandinavia]] would have a climate like [[w:Labrador|Labrador]]’s, colder by twenty degrees Fahrenheit in annual mean. The Gulf Stream has been likened to an oceanic conveyor belt. The force of the warm water flowing north has been described as equal to the volume of seventy-five [[w:Amazon River|Amazon river]]s.
** Chapter 5, p. 153.

* According to the IPCC, sea levels rose by ten to twenty centimeters during the twentieth century and are currently rising by about two millimeters a year, which is at the upper range of the rate of rise for the last century. With global warming accelerating, this is apt to increase. The accepted prediction is that sea levels will rise during the twenty-first century by about fifty centimeters, or a little under two feet, though some scientists predict a full meter. […] One-sixth of the people in the world live in coastal zones within one meter of sea level. This is the […] outside context problem so alien to contemporary experience that the public and its leaders can really find no way to process the information and figure out what to do about it—and for the excellent reason that it is not a problem with a direct solution. It is more a condition without a remedy. If the major shipping ports […] end up being submerged, humankind will just have to work around it. The disruptions to world trade might be epochal, gigantic, […] [and] tragic. It seems obvious that […] human[s] […] will simply have to adjust, even if that means adjusting to a new reality of severely lower expectations in living standards, comfort, and amenity. […] When the time comes, […] [we] will just have to move to higher ground. 
** Chapter 5, p. 162.

* Harvard biologist [[w:E. O. Wilson|Edward O. Wilson]] warns that [[China]]'s current program to mitigate huge population increases with gigantic water projects may have dire consequences. Irrigation and other withdrawals have already depleted the {{w|Yellow River}}, which, starting in 1972, has run bone-dry part of the year in {{w|Shandong}} province, where one-fifth of China's wheat and one-seventh of its corn is produced. In 1997, the river stopped flowing for a record 226 days. The groundwater levels of the northern China plains have plummeted. The water table in major grain-producing areas is falling at the rate of five feet a year. Of China's 617 cities, three hundred already face water shortages. Of China's approximately 23,000 miles of major rivers, 80 percent no longer support fish life. The [[w:Xiaolangdi Dam|Xiaolangdi dam project]] now underway along the Yellow River in north China is exceeded in size only by the {{w|Three Gorges Dam}} on the {{w|Yangtze}} in South China. In addition, the Chinese government intends to siphon water from the Yangtze […] and send it over by a canal system to the Yellow River and Beijing, respectively. When it is running, the Yellow River is already one of the most particle-laden in the world. Because of that, it is estimated that the Xiaolangdi dam would silt up within thirty years of completion. The […] project is reminiscent of another centrally planned mega-project that ended in grief: the [[Soviet Union]]'s scheme to drain the {{w|Aral Sea}} to irrigate gigantic cotton farms in [[Kazakhstan]]. The project turned one of the world's largest inland bodies of fresh water into [a] salty desert. The potential for calamity in China is therefore huge as it skirts a range of forces presented by the Long Emergency, any one of which, or some combination, could send it reeling over its tipping point: the effects of global climate change, competition for [every resource including] oil, extremes of pollution, disease, and war, either with its neighbors or internally. Despite the current veneer of prosperity and stability, China has tremendous potential for political chaos. As Wilson fearlessly points out, the pressure on China's agriculture and water resources is intensified by the predicament shared by many countries: runaway population growth [caused by industrialization]. Population growth rates may be mitigated […] from culture to culture by economic advance (which tends to lower reproductive rates by channeling women into the workplace), but economic development produces other [[w:Jevons paradox|not-so-benign consequences]]. Developing [systems like] nation[-state]s invariably increase their energy use [as they grow complex]. More cars are used, more electricity [is] generated, [and] more greenhouse emissions [are] sent into the atmosphere. In the Long Emergency, […] “there will only be two types of nations: the over-developed and those which will never develop.” China may represent an amalgamation of those two conditions in one nation-state.
** Chapter 5, p. 163–164.

* Like China, the United States is divided […] in half between wet and dry. Though the human population of the United States is proportionately much smaller than China's, the amount of effort America has expended on manipulating habitats and altering terrain is as impressive in its own way as China's birthrate. Especially significant is the stupendous amount of paving laid down in the United States during the past hundred years. It prevents rain from being absorbed as groundwater and sends it instead into rivers, and […] into the ocean. The effect of this is the inability of water tables and wetlands to recharge and the diminishing ability of the terrain to support life. In the United States, only 2 percent of the country's rivers and wetlands remain free-flowing and undeveloped. As a result, the country has lost more than half of its wetlands.
** Chapter 5, p. 165.

* Climate change, competition for water, and polluted water sources will also be exacerbated by failures in the electric grid caused by oil and gas supply disruptions. Even if water is available, localities may lack the power to push it through their treatment plants and municipal pipes.
** Chapter 5, p. 166. 

* Fifty years of easy living with the miracle of antibiotics was a major contributor to the hubris that gripped the industrial nations in the early twenty-first century. Smallpox was eliminated except in strategic laboratory samples. Measles was conquered. Sexually transmitted diseases that used to leave people maimed and crazy were cured with one visit to the doctor. Many tropical diseases seemed to be on the wane as immunology and pharmacology bolstered widespread progress in sanitation and nutrition. The vanquishing of disease represented a [...] meta-victory by [hu]mankind over a much greater set of enemies than the parochial combatants of our geopolitical wars. Indeed, these great advances of medical science against disease took place against the backdrop of war. The United States emerged victorious from [[w:World War II|the last [...] world war]], having defeated manifest political evil, armed with penicillin and sulfa drugs. The postwar antibiotic miracle contributed to a false sense of security in the public and a sense of [...] omnipotence [...].
** Chapter 5, p. 167.

* As the struggle over the remaining oil and gas intensifies, larger numbers of economic losers will be created, and those economic losers will be underfed, ill-housed, poorly doctored, badly informed, badly behaved, and subject to plummeting life expectancies.
** Chapter 5, p. 170.

* Despite miraculous advances in medical technology, genetic typing, and immunology, [...] [we] are not much better prepared for a severe flu epidemic than they were for [[w:Spanish flu|the 1918 outbreak]]. Epidemic influenza is extremely difficult to counteract. Flu vaccines developed in any given year are notoriously ineffective against new strains that come along the following year. It takes seven months or more to create, test, manufacture, and distribute a vaccine developed in direct response to a new virus, and by that time the disease can burn through global populations. If a pandemic broke out today, hospital facilities would be overwhelmed. Nurses and doctors would be infected along with the rest of the population.
** Chapter 5, p. 173.

* {{w|Operation Dark Winter}} employed a cast of volunteers […] to act out roles following a script in which a terrorist released smallpox in one eastern U.S. city. The result was sobering to an extreme. The public health system virtually collapsed. Hospitals degenerated into chaos. Smallpox spread to twenty-five states and overseas. The national stockpile of vaccines proved to be deeply inadequate. The exercise was called off after four days from the sheer exhaustion of the participants, while the fictional epidemic was still spreading. 
** Chapter 5, p. 176.

* The [[w:Germ theory of disease|germ theory]], which emerged in the late nineteenth century, focused the world's attention on the specific agents responsible for [...] diseases, but the [physical,] social and ecological contexts are equally important, and these are now coming more prominently into play with world population well beyond the limits of the earth's [sic] [...] [optimum] carrying capacity and with climate change [...] in progress. [...] Ecological [...] [pressures], rapid changes in land use, penetration of formerly inaccessible habitats, and disturbed migration routes can lead to the appearance or diffusion of a disease. While we may be able to identify [some, if not all] the microorganisms involved, we can be helpless in the face of it, and our behavior may still promote its spread.
** Chapter 5, p. 177.

* [...] The disturbance of global oil markets as the permanent energy crisis begins is liable to interrupt global commerce and global travel. Fewer […] will fly [...]. However, these same energy problems will surely reduce crop production, which would lead to reduced food aid to desperate populations [...], which would then lead to compromised immune systems and the [...] [invasion] of poor, hungry, and [...] unhealthy people [...]. This is an obvious recipe for conflict and woe. Where the refugee camps [are] set up, [the] disease will surely follow.
** Chapter 5, p. 178.

* The attrition of global populations by disease may be unavoidable. Some [...] may regard it as the inevitable revenge of nature against the hubris of a human species arrogantly exceeding the carrying capacity of its habitat. Some may regard it as a moral victory against wickedness. Some may view it in the therapeutic mode as a positive development for the health of the planet. Many self-conscious &quot;humanists&quot; have militated for the goal of reducing population growth —though most of them would have [...] preferred widespread birth control [using contraceptive methods like the birth pill and condoms, ironically made from cheap oil] to a die-off. [Contraceptive methods] might have been just another product of the narcotic comfort of cheap oil [...]. Apart from these issues of attitude and ethics, however, a major decline in [...] population [...] is apt to have profound and strange repercussions on everyday life. 
** Chapter 5, p. 178.

* [...] We [...] flatter ourselves to think that we are above this kind of general catastrophe—because our [...] prowess during the [...] [industrial age] was so marvelous that all future problems are (supposedly) guaranteed to be solved by similar applications of ingenuity. This was certainly the consensus among the scientists, computer geniuses, and biotech millionaires [...]. They were uniformly uninterested in the issues of the global oil peak and natural gas depletion and utterly convinced that the industrial societies would be rescued by hydrogen, wind power, and solar electricity, all to be figured out by their cohort techno-geniuses in [...] time. If there is anything we have been stupendously bad at in the preceding century of wonders, it is recognizing the diminishing returns of our [...] [technological] prowess. Some of our greatest achievements, [...] have produced dreadful diminishing returns [...]. This persistent failure or weakness [...] negates the value of our ability to see what's coming. [...] Rather than [...] progress, we are more likely to see [...] the loss of information, ability, and confidence. 
** Chapter 5, p. 181.

* Many individual immune systems will be compromised by the hardships of the Long Emergency and disease will seize the opportunities presented, as it always has. [...] Millions [and perhaps billions] of human beings are going to die.
** Chapter 5, p. 182.

* As hunger and hardship increase, the world may see more than one wave of more than one disease. If [...] an influenza pandemic emerges, for instance, many [...] will succumb [...]. [...] The age-old human enemies [...] will be on hand with new immunity to the old techno-tricks of the [nineteenth and] twentieth [...] [centuries]. [...] Nobody really knows where that is taking us, though we do know that [...] [our ancestors] endured more than one ice age in the past.
** Chapter 5, p. 182–183.

* The current urban population of the world […] is greater than the entire population of the world in 1960. Seventy-eight percent of the urban dwellers in the so-called developing world live in slums. From the West African littoral to the mountainsides of the {{w|Andes}} to the banks of the {{w|Nile}}, the {{w|Ganges}}, the {{w|Mekong}}, and the {{w|Irrawaddy}}, new gigantic slums spread like immense laboratory growth media, waiting to host epidemic disease cultures. {{w|Lagos}}, [[Nigeria]], for example, grew from a city of 300,000 in 1950 to over ten million today. But Lagos, writes [[w:Mike Davis (scholar)|Mike Davis]], &quot;is simply the biggest node in the shanty-town corridor of 70 million people that stretches from {{w|Abidjan}} to {{w|Ibadan}}: probably the biggest continuous footprint of urban poverty on earth.&quot; Most of the world's new, exploding slums have only the most rudimentary sanitary arrangements, open sewers running along the corridor-like &quot;streets.&quot; In the slums of Bombay, there is an estimated one toilet per five hundred inhabitants. Currently, two million children die every year from waste-contaminated water in the world's slums. The enormity of this urban disaster is poorly comprehended in advanced nations like the United States, where the drinking water is still safe and even the poor have flush toilets connected to real sewers. But the slums of the world will […] be the breeding ground of the next pandemic, and chances are, once it is underway, the wealthy nations will not be spared. 
** Chapter 5, p. 183.

* The entropic mess that our economy has become is the final blowoff of […] industrialism. The destructive practices known as &quot;free-market globalism&quot; were engendered by our run-up to and arrival at the world oil production peak. It was the logical climax of the oil &quot;story.&quot; It required the breakdown of all previous constraints […] to maximize the present at the expense of the future and to do so for the benefit of a very few at the expense of the many. […] Free-market globalism became the reigning orthodoxy […], challenged only by cranks wearing nose-rings at the very margins of society. The moment that the world recognizes the passing of the oil production peak as a reality, globalism will be dead both in theory and practice.
** Chapter 6, p. 185.

* Globalism was operated by oligarchical corporations on the gigantic scale, made possible by cheap oil. By “oligarchical” I mean that power was vested in small numbers of people running large organizations who were not accountable for their actions to many of the people who were subject to those actions. By “corporation,” I mean a group enterprise given the legal status of a “person,” with “rights,” but in fact devoid of any human qualities of ethics, humility, mercy, duty, or loyalty that would constrain those rights. As Wendell Berry put it, “a corporation […] is a pile of money to which a number of persons have sold their moral allegiance. . .. It can experience no personal hope or remorse. No change of heart. It cannot humble itself. It goes about its business as if it were immortal, with the single purpose of becoming a bigger pile of money.
** Chapter 6, p. 186.

* The free-market part of the equation referred to the putative benefit of unrestrained economic competition between individuals, and because corporations enjoyed the legal status of persons, they were assumed to be on an equal footing with other persons in a given locality. Thus, Wal-Mart was considered the theoretical equal of Bob the appliance store owner, and if Bob happened to lose in the retail competition because he couldn't order 50,000 coffeemakers at a crack from a factory 12,000 miles away in {{w|Hangzhou}}, and receive a deep discount for being such an important customer, well, it wasn't as though he hadn't been given the chance.
** Chapter 6, p. 187.

* Cheap oil had allowed populations to explode in precisely those parts of the world that had had, for millennia, a high infant mortality rate and modest life expectancy. Cheap oil was behind the &quot;green revolution&quot; that increased the food supply in the nonindustrial world. Oil was also behind many of the medicines and preventives that had neutralized […] diseases. Now, suddenly, most of those children […] survived, grew up and produced more children who survived and grew up, and over the course of the twentieth century, the global populations hurtled into extreme numerical overshoot. Populations were, in effect, eating oil, notably in food exports from the United States, where agribusiness had completely taken over from agriculture. Local farmers in Africa, Asia, or South America couldn’t compete with corporate [[w:ADM (company)|Archer Daniels Midland]]’s oil-and-gas-based grain crops and U.S. government subsidies. There was no point in even bringing their hardscrabble crops to market when sacks of cheap American wheat sat on the docks of [[w:Busan|Pusan]] or [[Colombo]]. Farmers in those places felt that they had no choice but to migrate to the city and find some other way to get by. The only comparative advantage that these people possessed was their willingness to work for next to nothing. Cheap oil and free-market globalism turned comparative advantage into a new kind of feudalism, with the corporations as the lords and the overabundant locals as the serfs. And then, when the comparative advantage of cheap labor […] of one place, […] was superseded by the cheaper labor […] of another place, […] the corporations just moved their operations.
** Chapter 6, p. 187–188.

* The idea of comparative advantage works when there is a complex local economy intact in the background of each trading partner’s specialized item of production, with a variety of social roles and occupational niches to support the long-term project of community. But a locality geared to doing only one thing for export is […] a slave system based on the extractive economics of mining. […] One group had all the cheap labor, and another group had all the capital, and for a while, one group made all the things that the other group “consumed.” Thus, comparative advantage became, for a time, a con game strictly for the benefit of large corporations, which ended up enjoying all the advantages while the localities sucked up the costs.
** Chapter 6, p. 188.

* The corporations benefiting from this regime often had no physical home of their own, even in their country of origin—and not a few American corporations had moved their official address to [[w:Tax haven|Caribbean pseudo nations]], where the banking and tax laws were more agreeable. The corporations had no allegiance to any […] place or the people of that place, so the destruction they wreaked was as manifest in the ravaged towns of [[Ohio]] and upstate [[New York City|New York]] as in the environmental degradation of [[China]]. America was hardly immune to the consequences of free-market globalism. In effect, the American heartland was overtaken by a new […] corporate colonialism, emanating from our own culture, but no less destructive than the imposition of foreign rule.
** Chapter 6, p. 188–189.

* Did Americans sell out their towns, their neighbors, the memory of their ancestors, and the future of their grandchildren because they were helplessly in thrall to the blandishments of a cheap-oil economy? I honestly don’t know, though I tend to view the outcome as the result of many collective bad choices made by the public and its leaders. But were those choices inescapable? Certainly, the process was insidious and played out over several generations. 
** Chapter 6, p. 189-190.

* There have to be limits. If we project “housing starts” ninety-nine years forward at current rates, there wouldn’t be a single build-able quarter-acre lot left in the world. Not a few economists would rationalize this outcome by declaring that ninety-nine years from now we will have colonies on the moon or Mars or under the Sea of Cortez. Or that technology coupled with human ingenuity will solve the problem some other way, […] by genetically reengineering human beings to be one inch tall or booting all our consciousnesses into computer servers where unlimited numbers of virtual people could dwell in unlimited virtual environments of endless cyberspace.
** Chapter 6, p. 192-193.

* It is assumed now that human beings, prompted by the market, will employ ingenuity to discover a substitute for oil and gas, once the price starts to ramp up beyond the “affordable” range. This assumption is apt to prove fallacious because it ignores the fact that the earth is a closed system, while the laws of thermodynamics state that energy can’t be created out of nothing, only changed from low entropy to high entropy, and that we have already changed the half [or perhaps a fraction] of our [planet's] oil endowment that was easiest to get into dispersed carbon dioxide, which is now ratcheting up global warming and climate change, which might well put the industrial adventure out of business before human ingenuity can come up with a substitute for oil.
** Chapter 6, p. 194.

* […] The […] oil-fueled boom that energized the suburban expansion of the 1920s brought turmoil and trouble to the farm economy. Thirty percent of the U.S. population still lived on farms in the 1920s. U.S. farmers had done well during World War I, exporting grain to a Europe that had become a shell-blasted battlefield. By the early 1920s, though, Europeans were able to feed themselves again. Meanwhile, the introduction of the tractor and the mechanization of farming in the United States led quickly to massive overproduction of grain. Unable any longer to pawn off the surplus on Europe, America suffered a crash in grain prices. The farm depression, which preceded the financial depression by half a decade, was a self-reinforcing feedback loop. As the market prices of corn and wheat plunged, farmers desperately tried to make up for low prices by producing more, which the domestic markets could not absorb, leading to even greater surpluses and more depressed prices.
** Chapter 6, p. 204.

* By the mid-1920s, the great wave of immigration suddenly ended. The [[w:Immigration Act of 1924|National Origins Act of 1924]] and other measures set new highly restrictive immigration quotas that cut new admissions to 2 percent of each nationality from the 1890 census. This choked off what had been a constant half-century-long demographic subsidy of ever more customers for U.S. manufacturers.
** Chapter 6, p. 205.

* Finance came to be viewed as a productive activity itself rather than a means to promote production. The public was no longer buying stock to invest in enterprises that would pay dividends over time, but merely because one could get rich from buying and selling stocks. As more people bought in, stock prices climbed still higher—a dangerous positive feedback loop.
** Chapter 6, p. 205-206.

* [...] The human race living off the &quot;drawdown&quot; of nonrenewable fossil fuel resources is the equivalent of the algae [...] enjoying a temporary rush of nutrients [...] [or a star burning more hydrogen than it could].
** Chapter 6, p. 208.

* The entropy produced in [[World War II]] was much more widespread and profound than that of World War I. In [[World War I]] the action had taken place […] entirely on rural terrain, classic battlefields. In World War II, much of the warfare was urban. The long-range bomber had reached a high stage of refinement in the twenty-plus years between world wars. None of the major capitals had been damaged in World War I. In World War II, hundreds of towns and cities were destroyed in Europe and Asia. Berlin was reduced to gravel; London was badly mutilated; and, of course, Hiroshima and Nagasaki became radioactive ashtrays. The casualties of World War I had been enormous, astonishing, [and] appalling beyond civilized peoples’ wildest dreams, but the victims had been overwhelmingly soldiers. The casualties in World War II were overwhelmingly civilians and in much greater aggregate numbers.
** Chapter 6, p. 212–213.

* [[American Dream|American life]], with its twin engines of suburbanization and factory production of consumer goods for the […] world, became so quickly and obviously successful that a new consensus formed supporting the value of the dollar and its paper accessories in capital markets, chiefly stocks, and bonds. This is not to say that the securities markets boomed in the 1950s and 1960s —it took until then just to recover the value levels of the pre-1929 crash —but stocks and bonds did regain respectability, [and] legitimacy. Those who had lived through the Great Depression, meaning virtually all the men who had served in the wartime army, had very modest expectations about the role of finance in the postwar economy. In the 1950s and 1960s, Americans bought stocks for the annual dividends they paid, not to flip them for a quick profit. In fact, share prices remained […] very flat during this period. The whole notion of investment was different than it would become later in the twentieth century. In the 1950s and 1960s, stock and bond values were linked much more directly with the successful production of real goods. General Motors derived its profits and paid its dividends on the basis of auto sales, not as today, primarily from leveraging interest rates and other abstract numbers' games removed from the actual making of products. In sum, the public attitude about the role of finance was extremely conservative. Finance was not an “industry” per se, but a set of institutions designed to keep the idea of money and its accessories credible, […] to allow real industries to function.
** Chapter 6, p. 215.

* Banking also regained respectability after the calamities of the 1930s. Federal deposit insurance, which had been instituted in the depths of the Great Depression, and only for deposits under $2,500, was raised to $10,000 in 1950, and the middle class was induced to feel confident about keeping its money in banks again. Interest rates remained modest, but so did inflation. The influx of savings made money available in capital markets to invest in new ventures. It was real money derived from work already done, pay already earned, true capital. Before the great orgy of mergers and consolidation that began in the 1970s, retail banking was […] local and community centered. Bankers made loan decisions based on firsthand knowledge of projects going on in their communities—not, as today, based on bundling and selling clumps of mortgages for generic suburban developments they have never laid eyes on.
** Chapter 6, p. 216.

* The rebellion of the [[Hippie|hippie]]s […] based itself on the notion that abundance was a natural entitlement, and one could &quot;drop out&quot; of an insecure, deadly, and frightening industrial culture to live off the fat of the land. It was inescapably a jejune philosophy, fraught with contradictions. For the hippies, the natural order of things included items such as stereo record players, electric guitars, motor vehicles for adventuring around the country, cheap bulk whole grains, and other products of an oil-intensive industrial way of life. The hippie platform […] with all its mystical incunabula, rested on the platform of “normal” [[American Dream|American life]] and would have been impossible without it.
** Chapter 6, p. 217.

* At the start of the [[w:1980s oil glut|oil glut]], a climactic set of economic relations took shape led by Prime Minister [[Margaret Thatcher]] (and joined eagerly by President Reagan and his advisors) that would be called “globalism.” It was not so much a new idea as the logical and inevitable result of mature self-organizing systems elaborating themselves under the influence of renewed, immense energy inputs—the ultimate cheap-oil way of doing business in the [supposedly] closed system that is the planet [[Earth]]. It entailed the maximization of short-term profit and the minimization of care for future generations. It was the ultimate generator of entropy.
** Chapter 6, p. 219.

* In America, globalism meant the accelerated dismantling of the nation's manufacturing base and its reassignment to other countries where labor was dirt cheap and environmental regulations did not apply. It also meant the ramping up of a “service economy” or, more properly, the myth of a service economy to replace the old manufacturing economy. […] It was […] absurd. It was like the old joke about the village that prospered because the inhabitants were all employed taking in each other’s laundry. In fact, far fewer actual things of value were being created in the service economy. […] It was assumed, for instance, that computers […] boosted productivity. Much of that gain was either illusory or fraught with collateral social and economic losses of other kinds. Companies that reported higher productivity were shedding employees like mad and the entire ethos of work in America was being transformed from one of [the] people having secure careers and permanent positions with reliable companies to one of institutionalized insecurity for […] everyone below top management in a new general atmosphere of Darwinian corporate ruthlessness—under the rubric of &quot;free-market competition.&quot;
** Chapter 6, p. 220.

* What one also saw in the America of the 1980s and 1990s was commoditization and conversion of public goods into private luxuries, the impoverishment of the civic realm, and, to put it bluntly, the rape of the landscape —a vast entropic enterprise that was the culminating phase of suburbia. The dirty secret of the American economy in the 1990s was that it was no longer about anything except the creation of suburban sprawl and the furnishing, accessorizing, and financing of it. It resembled the efficiency of cancer. Nothing else really mattered except building suburban houses, trading away the mortgages, selling the multiple cars needed by the inhabitants, upgrading the roads into commercial strip highways with all the necessary shopping infrastructure, and moving vast supplies of merchandise made in China for next to nothing to fill up those houses. The economy of suburban sprawl was a systemic self-organizing response to the availability of inordinately cheap oil with ever-increasing entropy expressed in an ever-increasing variety of manifestations from the destruction of farmland to the decay of the cities, to widespread psychological depression, to the rash of school shooting sprees, to epidemic obesity. Americans didn’t question the validity of the suburban sprawl economy. They accepted it at face value as the obvious logical outcome of their hopes and dreams and defended it viciously against criticism. They steadfastly ignored its salient characteristic: that it had no future either as an economy or as a living arrangement. Each further elaboration of the suburban system made it less likely to survive any change in conditions, most particularly any change in the equations of cheap oil. It wasn't until the traumas of the 1970s that the finance sector mutated from being an adjunct of the industrial economy to becoming an “industry” in its own right helping to “drive” the economy. Among the distortions and perversions engendered by the “stagflation” economy was the rise of corporate cannibalism in the form of “creative” mergers and acquisitions, specifically hostile takeovers, the aggressive use of voting stock shares to gain control of companies that did not wish to sell, with the subsequent filleting and sell-off of assets, and discarding of the bones and offal (employee payrolls and obligations, careers, livelihoods, communities).
** Chapter 6, p. 222–223.

* In the face of the things like the dot-com meltdown, the LTCM scare, the Enron scandal, and other disasters that eroded the notional value of financial paper, homeownership itself was now turned into a magical generator of unearned riches for both borrowers and lenders. It was consistent with the [[Las Vegas]]-ization of the national moral sense, chiefly the increasingly popular belief at every level of American life that it really was possible to get something for nothing. Anyone could see this in the easy public acceptance of gambling as okay and the proliferation of casinos everywhere in the land. Not even the evangelical Christians seemed to mind. There is no such thing as intrinsic value in a house. A huge percentage of the public has now put its net worth into something that […] isn't an investment. Apart from false econometrics of rising house valuations and the leverage that affords for raising cash within the context of the current lending rackets, a house is much more of a consumer product than an investment, especially the kind of houses built in recent decades in America, namely stapled-together boxes made of particle board and plastic cladding that require continual reinvestment in petty cash and labor for upkeep, and will probably not hold their value, even if well cared for, because of poor locational choices. A house on a one-acre lot in a subdivision in {{w|Loudoun County, Virginia}}, thirty-two miles from downtown [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]], […] a magnificent thing to behold today, with a soaring lawyer-foyer entrance, a restaurant-grade kitchen, and an inground pool out back. But if there is less gasoline to power up the fleet of cars necessary to service it, and no natural gas to heat the thousand-square-foot cathedral-ceilinged lawyer foyer, then chances are that the house is going to be a liability rather than an asset.
** Chapter 6, p. 229.

* The supernaturally low-interest rates provoked an orgy of buying and the orgy of buying bid up the prices of the houses, and as the prices of the houses levitated, the owners entered another new and strange zone of hallucinated wealth accumulation using the latest contrivance: the refinanced mortgage. Re-fi's allowed house owners to use their houses as though they were automatic teller machines. Say a person bought a house in 1999 for $250,000 and the house was appraised in 2003 at $400,000; that person could refinance with a substantial &quot;cash out&quot; privilege, converting the imagined increase of value into disposable income, which could then be used to buy motorboats, home theater plasma TV screens, or trips to Las Vegas. Refinancing prestidigitated an estimated $1.6 trillion for the American economy over a five-year period, and much of that &quot;money&quot; was deployed purchasing &quot;consumer&quot; goods—mostly made outside the United States. From 1999 to 2004 […] a third of all house owners indulged in cash-out re-fi mortgages. […] Behind every extravagant cash extraction lay the belief that at some future date the house would be worth a lot more than the re-fi price and could be readily flipped.
** Chapter 6, p. 231.

* After the mid-1990s, there was hardly a technical distinction to be made anymore between high-risk borrowers and everybody else in the casino atmosphere of [North] America[n] society. No one was at risk anymore because in the something-for-nothing economy it was impossible to be a loser. Or so went the herd thinking. […] It is […] likely that the housing bubble will have begun to come to grief.
** Chapter 6, p. 232.

* The failure of the [[w:Government-sponsored enterprise|GSE]]s would make the [[w:Savings and loan crisis|S&amp;L fiasco of the 1980s]] look like a bad night of poker. The failure of the GSEs would pose a far graver situation than the [[w:Long-Term Capital Management|LTCM]] flameout. It could easily bring on cascading failures that might jeopardize global finance. This time, the […] public would feel the pain.
** Chapter 6, p. 233.

* If the folks who lived along this highway put in gardens to make up for the escalating inadequacies of an industrial farming system starved for fossil fuel “inputs,” would they be able to feed themselves? Did any vernacular knowledge survive in a populace conditioned to think that food came from the supermarket? Did they know anything about cabbage loopers, powdery mildew, or anthracnose? Would they be able to prevent catastrophic crop loss? How would they defend their crops against deer, rabbits, [and] woodchucks? Would any of them know how to build a garden wall or even a fence? Where would they get fencing material? Would they have to sit out among the potato hills and the bean rows at night with loaded shotguns? And what would they do for light when they heard something munching out there? Would they know how to keep chicken, sheep, [and] cattle, including breeding and birthing them?
** Chapter 7, p. 237.

* Because […] systems are self-organizing in the face of circumstance, the big questions are how much disorder must we endure as things change, and how hard will we struggle to continue a particular way of life with no future? […] The U.S. economy of the decades to come will center on farming, not high-tech, or “information,” or “services,” or space travel, or tourism, or finance. All other activities will be secondary to food production, which will require much more human labor. 
** Chapter 7, p. 239.

* [...] [Everything] [...] tend[s] toward diminishing returns and unsustainability, [...] even in the short term.
** Chapter 7, p. 240.

* A hundred years ago, just before the introduction of the fossil fuel-based technologies, more than 30 percent of the American population was engaged in farming. Now the figure is 1.6 percent. The issue is not moral, academic, or aesthetic. […] It’s a matter of those ratios being made possible only because cheap oil and automation made up for so much human labor.
** Chapter 7, p. 241.

* The energy disruptions of the Long Emergency are going to remind us that the skyscraper was an experimental building form.
** Chapter 7, p. 253.

* The lucky suburbanites will be the ones with the forethought to trade in their suburban McHouses for property in the towns and small cities and prepare for a vocational life doing something useful and practical on the small scale. 
** Chapter 7, p. 256.

* Wal-Mart will not be able to profitably run its “warehouse on wheels” when the price of oil fluctuates chronically. […] We will never again experience the explosion of products, choices, and nonstop marketing that characterized the late twentieth century. The public may look back on the big-box shopping era with deep and mournful nostalgia, but we are apt to discover that happiness is still possible without the extraordinary advertising-driven compulsive materialism of recent decades. We will still have commerce. We will have [a] trade. There will be shopping. We will have […] medium of exchange. But we are not going to live in a perpetual blue-light special sale of cornucopian wretched excess.
** Chapter 7, p. 257.

* Even if we can’t get all the tools and the products we currently enjoy, we will retain a lot of basic knowledge that the people of Jefferson’s day just didn’t have. For instance, we will still understand that infections and many diseases are caused by microorganisms, not bad air, phases of the moon, or evil spells and that knowledge alone confers powerful advantages in daily living.
** Chapter 7, p. 258.

* Large-scale corporate enterprise has brought humankind much material comfort in two centuries but at the price of fantastic unintended consequences (externalized costs) ranging from the destruction of local communities to climate change. Large-scale corporations will be vulnerable to the collapse of capital formation markets that must accompany the end of the cheap oil fiesta. Corporate enterprise can certainly be reorganized on the small, local community scale, but it will not be the same as {{w|General Motors}}. Corporate enterprise in the Long Emergency may revert to being more public in nature and far less sovereign in power. There may be one exception: The most visible […] corporate organization that might survive the Long Emergency may be the church. Whether Catholic or Pentecostal or something new we haven't seen yet; the church won't have to rely on oil supplies. Organized religion doesn't have to traffic in awkward material products, only in beliefs, and it can operate at many scales simultaneously. Because American culture is constitutionally allergic to religious governance, we may have problems if churches are the only large organizations left standing—that is, assuming we still have the same constitution.
** Chapter 7, p. 259.

* We should […] conclude that the abandoned big-box structures will not last more than one generation under any circumstances. […] The same thing can be said about malls, strip malls, and chain restaurant buildings. Eventually, they will be the salvage yards and mines of the future.
** Chapter 7, p. 261.

* One final thing worth noting on the subject of rail: From 1890 to about 1920, American localities managed to construct hundreds of local and interurban streetcar lines that added up to a magnificent national system (independent of the national heavy rail system). Except for two twenty-mile gaps in New York state, one could ride the trolley lines from [[New England]] clear out to Wisconsin. The story of the conspiracy by General Motors and other companies to destroy the U.S. interurban system is well documented. The salient point, however, is how rapidly the system was created in the first place, and how marvelously well it served the public in the period before the automobile became established.
** Chapter 7, p. 268-269.

* It's hard to imagine a more purposeless activity than American-style high school in our time. […] The public questions its basic premises or mode of operation any more than the public questions the economy of suburban sprawl. But [the] high school in our time amounts to little more than daycare for virtual adults in which some learning might incidentally take place, much of it of dubious value.
** Chapter 7, p. 271.

* The Southwest also faces increasing friction with adjoining [[Mexico]]. This is not a racist provocation but a description of reality. No other first-world country has such an extensive land frontier with a third-world country. The income gap between the United States and Mexico is greater than that between any other two contiguous countries in the world.
** Chapter 7, p. 275.

* In any case, it is human nature to consider a place “home” if you were born there, or have family there, or have spent some portion of your life there, and people are naturally reluctant to leave home. I daresay that many Americans now living in the Southwest will not be disposed to understand what is really happening—that the carrying capacity of their home region has been suddenly and drastically reduced—and they will hunker down hoping for a return to better times.
** Chapter 7, p. 279.

* After air conditioning became widely affordable, southerners hardly went outside anymore, unless it was in a motor vehicle. Anything about southern vernacular architecture that once had been graceful in adapting to the climate was cast aside for the pleasures of air conditioning and cheapness of construction.
** Chapter 7, p. 283.

* The Long Emergency will cause unprecedented social and economic dislocation, and the outcome may be a world we would barely recognize. The [...] egalitarian society we knew in the [...] twentieth century may become drastically more hierarchical as large numbers of desperate people place themselves in the service of those who control land, especially following a period of anarchy. Under such harsh conditions, the weaker individuals will sell their allegiance in return for security.
** Chapter 7, p. 286–287.

* The gigantic smear of suburbia that runs […] without interruption from north of Boston through Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, Washington, and northern Virginia is not going to be a happy place.
** Chapter 7, p. 291.

* The circumstances of the Long Emergency will be the opposite of what we currently experience. There will be hunger instead of plenty, cold where there was once warmth, effort where there was once leisure, sickness where there was health, and violence where there was peace. We will have to adjust our attitudes, values, and ideas to accommodate these new circumstances and we may not recognize the people will soon become or the people we once were. In a world where sheer survival dominates all other concerns, a tragic view of life is apt to reassert itself. This is another way of saying that we will become keenly aware of the limitations of human nature [...]. Life will get much more real.
** Chapter 7, p. 303.

* I’m aware of having already lived more than a half-century through the greatest fiesta of luxury, comfort, and leisure that the world has ever known. I enjoyed central heating, air conditioning, cheap airfares, cable TV, advanced orthopedic surgery, and computers.
** Chapter 7, p. 304.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.kunstler.com/ James Howard Kunstler home page]
* [http://jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/ Comment on current events by Jim Kunstler]
* [http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/121 TED Talks: James Howard Kunstler dissects suburbia] at [[Wikipedia:TED (conference)|TED]] in 2004

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kunstler, James Howard}}
[[Category:Novelists from the United States]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Bloggers from the United States]]
[[Category:Social critics]]
[[Category:Critics from the United States]]
[[Category:Orators from the United States]]
[[Category:Activists from the United States]]
[[Category:American Jews]]
[[Category:People from New York City]]
[[Category:1948 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]

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      <text bytes="22655" xml:space="preserve">Family Guy is an animated television series created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in 1999. The show was canceled in 2002, but after an extremely positive response to DVDs and reruns on Adult Swim, production of new episodes for FOX resumed in 2005.

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===''[[w:Ratings Guy|Ratings Guy]]''===
:'''Quagmire''': Thanks to you, TV's a vast wasteland. Do you know how I know that phrase? I read it in a book, you monster!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
''[Peter sits on the couch depressed when Brian walks in]''
:'''Brian''': Hey, what's wrong, Peter?
:'''Peter''': I miss my friend, Brian. I mean, I was having fun with those Nielsen boxes, but what's the point if I don't get Joe and Quagmire to enjoy it with me? I guess I shouldn't have messed with television.
:'''Brian''': Well, it's not exactly your fault. The networks never should have listened to you in the first place. This is exactly what makes bad television: pandering to the lowest common denominator.
:'''Peter''': So what do I do, Brian?
:'''Brian'':: Well, you still have these boxes. That means you still have the power to influence television. Maybe you can use that power to help restore television to the way it was.
:'''Peter''': You're right, Brian. Maybe if I watch smart, quality shows, that'll help get things back to the way they were. We can use these boxes for good and...
''[Suddenly, three bullets destroy the Nielsen boxes]''
:'''Peter''': What the hell?!
[cut to Mayor West with a shotgun]
:'''Mayor West''': That's for adding another tree to One Tree Hill!
:'''Brian''': Oh, my God, he destroyed every last box!
:'''Peter''': Holy crap!
:'''Brian''': We're sunk now, Peter. There goes your one chance to get TV back to the way it was.
:'''Peter''': Wait a minute. Maybe not, Brian.
''[A lightbulb appears over Peter's head]''
:'''Peter''': I think I just got an idea.
''[Peter gets up and breaks the lightbulb]''
:'''Peter''': Aah! I got glass in my face! Oh, crap. Now I forgot what it was.
''[Peter sits back down and another lightbulb appears over his head]''
Peter: I got it!
''[Peter gets up again and breaks the second lightbulb]''
:'''Peter''': Aah! Son of a bitch!

===''[[w:The Old Man and the Big 'C'|The Old Man and the Big 'C']]''===
:''' Peter'': I learned how to do a somersault. ''[Peter tries to do it, but falls over]'' Did I do it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[after Quagmire was revealed to have been wearing a wig]''
:''' Peter''': I guess all the time Quagmire should've been saying &quot;Wiggity&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': Baldness is for women's crotches, not men's heads.

===''[[w:Yug Ylimaf|Yug Ylimaf]]''===
:'''Stewie''': I don't think so. The crotch doesn't look like a BMX track. You bastard!! You've been using ''my'' time machine to nail your bar skanks!
:'''Brian''': Oh, come on! They're ''not'' all bad.
:'''Stewie''': Oh, yes. I've seen the women you bring home. That stutterer, she was a real prize.
:''[Cutaway to Peter, Lois, and Brian and his date at dinner]''
:'''Lois''': How are you enjoying your meal?
:'''Woman''': L-L-L-L-L-Lois, it's d-d-d-delicious.
:'''Peter''': Oh, for cryin' out loud. ''[walks up to the thermostat and turns up the heat]''
:'''Lois''': Peter, why are you turning up the heat again?
:'''Peter''': Lois, this woman is freezing.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Stewie''': Somehow, my machine seems to have reversed the direction of time.
:'''Brian''': Reversed the direction of time? Stewie, what does that mean? I don't get it.
:''[We angle on the sidewalk. Mort Goldman takes a quarter from his pocket and puts it on the sidewalk, then continues]''
:'''Brian''': Okay, now I get it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cleveland is seen naked on the ground of his destroyed house, clearly the result of yet another bathtub incident]''
:'''Cleveland''': Man, we got a large number of clovers on our lawn. ''[He floats up while the damage to both the house and the bathtub undo themselves]'' No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!
:''[Peter is seen in a room next to him]''
:'''Peter''': Oh, hey, Cleveland.
:''[Peter floats away from the house while more damage undoes itself. It is revealed that the damage is a result of Chris lighting up a human cannonball with Peter in it]''
:'''Peter''': Australia, here I come!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Brian is seen fighting a rabbit in a karate tournament in reverse for some reason. We cut back to Brian and Stewie in the living room]''
:'''Stewie''': What the hell was that?
:'''Brian''': This is more intense than when I fought a rabbit in that karate tournament.
:'''Stewie''': That's weird, you're doing reverse cutaways now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Brian and Stewie hear groaning]''
:'''Stewie''': What the devil is that?
:'''Brian''': It's Peter and Chris. Sounds like they're in trouble.
:''[they go to the living room and they see Peter and Chris groaning with vomit all over the room]''
:'''Stewie''': My God. Why is there so much vomit everywhere?
:'''Brian''': ''[points at a bottle]'' Is that the Ipecac bottle? ''[suddenly realizes]'' Oh, no! No, please, not this!
:'''Stewie''': Oh, God. It's not gonna be coming out of us, it's gonna be going... ''[throws up]''
:'''Brian''': ''[panicked]'' Oh, dear God! ''[throws up]'' WHAT THE HELL?!
:''[Peter holds Brian's ears and throws up]''
:'''Stewie''': I don't wanna! I don't wanna- !! ''[regurgitates]''
:'''Chris''': Dad, I'm scared! ''[vomits and cries]''
:'''Stewie''': Oh God, this is so disgusting! I think I'm gonna puke! ''[regurgitates]'' FUCK!
:''[Brian and Stewie go outside, wipe their mouths, and groan in disgust]''
:'''Brian''': Stewie, I don't care what it takes. We've GOT to fix this! We just ate so much vomit!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[As the Griffins leave after Stewie has just been &quot;born&quot;]''
:'''Chris''': You guys heard the baby talking in there, didn't you?
:'''Lois''': Chris, that's ridiculous!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===''[[w:200 Episodes Later|200 Episodes Later]]''===
:'''Stewie''': Watch your back, ''[[The Simpsons|Simpsons]]'', we're less than halfway there.

===''[[w:Joe's Revenge|Joe's Revenge]]''===
:''[Peter makes the &quot;I'm watching you&quot; sign]''
:'''Joe''': What is that?
:'''Peter''': Let's use our eyes ... to see.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': Stupid cat!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Quagmire and I'll help you bring this guy to justice!
:'''Quagmire''': ''[through clenched teeth]'' Peter, what'd I say about you volunteering me for shit?
===''[[w:Lois Comes Out of Her Shell|Lois Comes Out of Her Shell]]''===
:'''Lois''': Do me, Peter. Do me right in the basement.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': I'm gonna get our old mom back! Brian, keys! Chris, beer! Meg, UG-LAAAAAY!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jester''': I'm King Stewie. I rule with an iron fist. La-la-la-la-la-la-la. Look at me. Oooh.
:'''Stewie''': In my office! Now!

===''[[w:Friends Without Benefits|Friends Without Benefits]]''===
:'''Quagmire''': How're you girls doin' on popcorn?
:'''Girl''': I'll take some.
:'''Quagmire''':  Here ya go. ''[tilts popcorn containter towards girl with his crotch.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Meg, Kent's here!
:'''Meg''': Just putting on my lipstick! ''[shaves, cuts]'' Dammit!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Rupert, did you hear that? Meg's boyfriend is in love with me. Not that I care, I mean, it won't matter once I explain to him what's going on with us. But what would I tell him is going on with us?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Dear God, I have a shoe appointment in the morning and I want to be fresh!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Cutaway shows Lois in hosptial bed with baby Meg whose heart is beating on the top of her head]''
:'''Dr. Hartman''': Yeah, that's... that's not supposed to be there so, she should probably always wear a hat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Bonnie. I've put Stewie in the oven a buncha times. As long as you come to your senses in 15 minutes, everything's fine.
:'''Peter''': Lois, can I go slip'n'slide in the yard?
:'''Lois''': Has it been half an hour since you've eaten?
:'''Peter''': Yes, almost.
:'''Lois''': Okay, I just wanna be sure you don't get a cramp.
:'''Peter''': Yay, poor people water fun!

===''[[w:Jesus, Mary and Joseph!|Jesus, Mary and Joseph!]]''===
:'''Joseph (Peter)''': Y'know, this is the same picnic basket we drowned my sister in. Was back when they were like &quot;Drown all the girls!&quot; and then they were like &quot;Don't drown all the girls!&quot;, but she was born on a drowning week so y'know. Achoo!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Donkey (Meg)''': So you guys are goin' to Bethlehem, huh? I went there one time on a donkey's night out. Oh my God; I got sooo hammered!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joseph (Peter)''': ''[trying to have sex with Mary/Lois]'' I can't believe how hard you're making me work.
:'''The Virgin Mary (Lois)''': Well, I did have a good virginity coach.
:''[cutaway]''
:'''Consuela''': No, no, no.
:'''The Virgin Mary (Lois)''': Okay, I think I got it. How's this?... ''[in Consuela's accent]'' No, no, no.
:'''Consuela''': No, no, no.

===''[[w:Space Cadet (Family Guy)|Space Cadet]]''===
:'''Peter''': Hey, what's that in there?
:'''Guide''': That's a sensory deprivation room that prepares our astronauts for the terrifying emptiness of space.
:'''Peter''': Aw cool! Hey, c'mon, Brian. Try it with me. ''[both enter. Guide closes the door; both scream and exit with heads in each other's bodies]''
:'''Peter''': Things got crazy so fast!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': We were talkin' about Meg. We-we call her Chris so she doesn't know.
:'''Meg''': ''[off-camera]'' Fuck you!
:'''Peter''': Shut up, Chris!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': A week ago, we call him stupid and now he's given tours at a space shuttle. Negative reinforcement, that's the key. ''[kicks Stewie]'' Right, stupid?
:'''Stewie''': Ow! I'll do better!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Everyone, strap yourselves in! Stewie, hold my hand!
:'''Stewie''': No, thank you. I prefer to die giving you the finger. ''[Stewie does so]''
:'''Peter''': If this is what it takes to get out of Florida, fine.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Meg''': ''[touring the shuttle with Chris]'' So do you know how all this stuff works?
:'''Chris''': Well, I don't know what most of these buttons do, but I know this big red one is the one you press to launch.
:'''Stewie''': Ooo! Big red button!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': ''[as they are being blasted off]'' You know what? You only live once. I am sticking my head out the window. ''[he does]'' YES! THIS IS THE BEST PART OF WHATEVER'S SO ENJOYABLE ABOUT THIS!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': What are you doing?
:'''Chris''': Saving our lives.
:'''Peter''': I wish he hadn't said that. Now I'm kinda rooting against him.

===''[[w:Brian's Play|Brian's Play]]''===
:'''Stewie''': What the fuck are you talking about? The play I wrote, have you seen it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': You tried to destroy it, didn't you? I knew my play was good, just like I knew your play was a mediocre patchwork of hackneyed ideas and tired cliches. You have no idea how hard it was to sit in that theater with all those braying hyenas. Couldn't you tell something was up when Chris and the fat man could follow the plot? I mean, it took Peter a year to figure out &quot;Stuart Little&quot;.
:''[Cutaway]''
:'''Peter''': I just figured it out. &quot;Stuart&quot; means mouse.
:'''Lois''': No, Peter.
:'''Peter''': &quot;Little&quot; means mouse?
:'''Lois''': No, Peter.
:'''Peter''': I feel so old and in the way.
:''[Present]''
:'''Brian''': It's still a good play!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': It's filled with terrible double entendres, puns and stolen bits. There's a line in there from &quot;Seinfeld&quot;.
:'''Brian''': I never saw that episode.
:'''Stewie''': I have a voice. You understand that? A writer needs a voice and I have one. You don't. Your play panders to the lowest common denominator, Brian. And it doesn't even do that well!

===''[[w:The Giggity Wife|The Giggity Wife]]''===
:'''Peter''': Where will you two be going on your scummymoon? And can I plan your bridal golden shower?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Your new wife is a human toilet.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Welcome to our home, Charisse. Sit on my lips if you like. That chair with the garbage bag taped over it looks pretty good.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Charmese sits next to Meg]''
:'''Stewie''': Meg, you look good next to her.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': I need you to have sex with me while she watches.
:''[Long silence]''
:'''Peter''': I have some demands.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': What the hell is going on with my life?!

===''[[w:Valentine's Day in Quahog|Valentine's Day in Quahog]]''===
:''[Stewie throws up and returns to the present after realizing the infant girl he fell in love with and kissed is his mother]''
:'''Brian''': Oh my God. Stewie, what happened?
:'''Stewie''': ''(Furiously)'' '''NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT HAPPENED!'''
:'''Brian''': ''(Angrily)'' Geez, you kissed your mother with that mouth? ''(Stewie throws up again while Brian recoils)''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Lois comes down the stairs to the darkened living room in a robe]''
:'''Lois''': Peter, are you ready for your Valentine's gift?
:''[she disrobes and turns on the light to find she's standing naked before Stewie as he stares at her]''
:'''Stewie''': No, but I'm ready for therapy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In the morning]''
:'''Quagmire's date''': ''[after sex]'' I thought we could get some breakfast.
:''[Quagmire flips a switch and the girl is dropped into a mine car and sent out the front door]''
:'''Quagmire''': Clearly, you're not familiar with how this works.

===''[[w:Chris Cross (Family Guy)|Chris Cross]]''===
:'''Herbert''': Sweet dreams, Chris.
:''[Herbert turns the lights off. Chris turns them on; Herbert's bed is moved closer to Chris]''
:'''Chris''': I'm not really tired yet.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': That was a fun birthday party, huh, Stewie?
:'''Stewie''': That kid was Indian and eleven years old. Where are you finding my friends?

===''[[w:Call Girl (Family Guy)|Call Girl]]''===
:'''Lois''': It's like our privates were shaking hands after a successful business meeting in a swamp.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter and Lois are in a passionate embrace on the sofa]''
:'''Stewie''': Can I interest you guys in a two-and-a-quarter way?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe''': Hey, Quagmire, do yourself a favor: don't get married.
:'''Quagmire''': I wasn't gonna.
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.
:'''Quagmire''': ''[Impatiently]'' I said I wasn't!
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.
:'''Quagmire''': Joe, you telling me not to has no effect on me whatsoever. I will not get married.
:'''Joe''': ''[Defiantly]'' Perfect. ...don't.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe''': Quagmire, you should never meet one of those sex operators.
:'''Quagmire''': ''[Impatiently]'' Yeah that's what I said... I wouldn't do it!
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.
:'''Quagmire''': ''[Angrily]'' J-Joe, you realize what you're telling me not to do, I already am not doing! I know I should never meet one of those sex operators ever!
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.

===''[[w:Turban Cowboy|Turban Cowboy]]''===
:''[Peter to the pilot before he skydives]''
:'''Peter''': Thanks for the lift, Gil. I think I'll take the express down.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the phone rings]''
:'''Lois''': Hello?
:''[it's Peter]'':
:'''Peter''': Is dinner almost ready?
:'''Lois''': Yes, Peter. God, where are you? I can barely hear you.
:'''Peter''': Pull back my chair ever so slightly.
:''[Lois complies and Peter crashes through the ceiling of the house]''
:'''Peter''': Ahh, Daddy's home.

===''[[w:12 and a Half Angry Men|12 and a Half Angry Men]]''===
:'''Peter''': I just don't think he could have done it. Guilty!
:''[Quagmire whispers in his ear]''
:'''Peter''': Oh, guilty is the other one? ''[exasperated]'' Well, I don't know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Griffin family are all taking a bath together]''
:'''Lois''': Peter, how long do we have to sit here?
:'''Peter''': Until I'm not angry anymore, you naked buncha bitches!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Judge''': We will now hear the defense attorney's closing statement.
:''[Pans over jury, which shows Peter at two ends]
:'''Peter''': I switched seats.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': ''Enough!''... was a movie with [[Jennifer Lopez]] that did not live to expectations.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': And now to take my position. This is what I call the butterpat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': There's a maniac out there! He's cutting people's power off, breaking into their homes and slitting their throats! ''[the lights suddenly go out]'' ...And we're dead.

===''[[w:Bigfat|Bigfat]]''===
:'''Pope''': Hi. I don't know who to complain to about this, but I keep getting XVIII's mail. Yeah, no, no, he's not here anymore. This is XXIV. Yeah. No, I don't need ''Newsweek''. No, I don't need ''National Geographic''. Yeah...I...No, I'll...I'll hang onto ''Boy's Life''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter sees Roger when they greet the new neighbors, the Smiths]''
:'''Peter''': What the hell kind of dog is that?
:'''Roger''': ''[indicates Meg]'' I was going to ask you the same thing.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Hank Hill wakes up from a nightmare of his wife, Lois, sleeping with Peter]''
:'''Hank Hill''': Ahh, dammit. I always wake up before I find out if they can understand the baby.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Lift up the shades, there's a man on the wing! ''[Joe lifts up the shades]'' I'm the man on the wing.
:'''Joe''': Are you crazy?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': I don't know if I can pull out of this, Giggity.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': ''[weakly]'' You... look... fat.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': ''[sighs]'' I'm bored.
:'''Quagmire''': Peter, you made me crash the damn plane!
:'''Peter''': Okay, I know you're a pilot and everything, but not everyone likes to talk about planes as much as you, Quagmire.

===''[[w:Total Recall (Family Guy)|Total Recall]]''===
:'''Peter''': ''[in a deep voice]'' I even won a deep voice contest with Joe.
:'''Joe''': ''[in a deep voice]'' I heard you coming.
:'''Peter''': I made myself heard.
:'''Joe''': Where have you come from?
:'''Peter''': I've come from where I've been.
:'''Joe''': You still riding with that mangy polecat, Fletcher?
:'''Peter''': Fletcher met the long arm of the law at the wrong end of a shotgun in the deep end of a grave at the far end of a dead end road.
:'''Referee''': Winner!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Look, Lois! I have my friends and you have groceries and all those rusty pink razors in the shower. Now just stick to what's intended for you and leave my things to me.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Hey, Horace, get that wiener outta your hand and give us 3 more beers over here.
:'''Horace''': Ah, Lois, you're always giving me the business.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Hey, Horace, why don't ya take that wiener outta your hand and give me a beer!
:'''Horace''': Don't talk to me that way, you son of a bitch! ''[Punches Peter]''

===''[[w:Save the Clam|Save the Clam]]''===
:'''Chris''': Hey, Meg. Who's your date? He looks like a real stiff.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': There's only one drinking spot for us and it's the Clam.
:'''Quagmire''': But Peter, it's closed. We can't go in there.
:'''Peter''': Quagmire, when a girl says she doesn't want to have sex with you, do you take that as an answer?
:''[a man whispers into Quagmire's ear]''
:'''Quagmire''': My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Meg''': ''[puts make up on corpse]'' Wow, that really works. Hm, maybe I'll try that on myself.
:'''Meg's boss at the morgue''': Oh, eh... You have what we call a &quot;closed-casket-face&quot;.

===''[[w:Farmer Guy|Farmer Guy]]''===
:'''Lois''': ''[to Peter]'' I forgot you don't even know your ass from a hole in the ground.
:''[cut to a cutaway of Peter walking by a hole in the ground, he stops to look at it]''
:'''Peter''': Is that my ass?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Meg''': You guys. I think this is a meth lab.
:'''Lois''': Oh my god. You mean like as in D-R-U-G-S? Aren't those I-L-L-E-G-A-L?
:'''Stewie''': What's going on? What are you guys talking about?
:'''Lois''': Uh oh, someone's getting cranky. ''[picks up Stewie]'' I think he needs an N-A-P.
:'''Stewie''': What's happening? Where are you taking me? Man, I got to crack this code.

===''[[w:Roads to Vegas|Roads to Vegas]]''===
:''[one set of Brian and Stewie teleport into Las Vegas]''
:'''Brian''': Oh my God, Stewie. It worked! We're in Vegas.
:'''Stewie''': Yeahhh, alright! So let's hit the hospital, get checked out for teleportation cancer, and then party!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Brian and Stewie are standing on the edge of the balcony, ready to jump to commit suicide]''
:'''Stewie''': Well... this is it.
:'''Brian''': I guess so.
:'''Stewie''': Count to three?
:'''Brian''': Yep.
:'''Brian and Stewie''': 1... 2...
:'''Brian''': ''[jumps off the balcony but Stewie doesn't]'' Three!
:'''Stewie''': ''[holds onto the railing]'' I'm sorry, I can't, I want to live! I didn't think we were gonna do it!
:'''Brian''': ''[falls to his death]'' YOU DICK!
:'''Stewie''': Oh, my God, Brian! Brian, no! Good Lord, what have I done?! ''[tries to run out of the room]'' I better get the hell out of here! ''[trips over his backpack and finds the money the other pair had won]'' What the deuce? Where did this come from? ''[slides the money tops]'' Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

: ''[The Brian and Stewie clones arrive at their poor hotel]''
:'''Brian''': Oh my god! This place is a dump!

:'''Stewie''': ''[looking at a leaflet]'' Let's not be so quick to judge. Says here there's a continental breakfast. Oh, the continent is Africa.

:'''Brian''': Stewie, this place is a total dump! Don't you think it's weird we have to keep checking in every 20 minutes?

:'''Stewie''': ''[continues reading]'' Also, the porn is free, but we have to watch it from the lobby.

===''[[w:No Country Club for Old Men|No Country Club for Old Men]]''===
:'''Brian''': Hey, so eeeh... I'm digging a hole under the fence in the backyard.
:'''Stewie''': Brian, you have a car. You don't have to escape.
:'''Brian''': Just don't say anything, okay?

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Family Guy}}

[[Category:Family Guy seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>4umikonnnyq5pg10ks5nwlpglcoen2m</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3145959</id>
      <parentid>3145957</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T14:08:25Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.161.90.147</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Ratings Guy */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="22681" xml:space="preserve">Family Guy is an animated television series created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in 1999. The show was canceled in 2002, but after an extremely positive response to DVDs and reruns on Adult Swim, production of new episodes for FOX resumed in 2005.

Family Guy and all related characters, episodes, and quotes are a copyright of 20th Century FOX. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the Wikimedia Foundation DO NOT claim ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference proposes only. Wikiquote, nor its parent company, The Wikimedia Foundation, has no affiliation to 20th Century FOX, or its parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape, or form.

Please read Family Guy/Format for notes on how to use and edit this article.

===''[[w:Ratings Guy|Ratings Guy]]''===
:'''Quagmire''': Thanks to you, TV's a vast wasteland. Do you know how I know that phrase? I read it in a book, you monster!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter sits on the couch depressed when Brian walks in]''
:'''Brian''': Hey, what's wrong, Peter?
:'''Peter''': I miss my friend, Brian. I mean, I was having fun with those Nielsen boxes, but what's the point if I don't get Joe and Quagmire to enjoy it with me? I guess I shouldn't have messed with television.
:'''Brian''': Well, it's not exactly your fault. The networks never should have listened to you in the first place. This is exactly what makes bad television: pandering to the lowest common denominator.
:'''Peter''': So what do I do, Brian?
:'''Brian''': Well, you still have these boxes. That means you still have the power to influence television. Maybe you can use that power to help restore television to the way it was.
:'''Peter''': You're right, Brian. Maybe if I watch smart, quality shows, that'll help get things back to the way they were. We can use these boxes for good and...
:''[Suddenly, three bullets destroy the Nielsen boxes]''
:'''Peter''': What the hell?!
:''[cut to Mayor West with a shotgun]''
:'''Mayor West''': That's for adding another tree to One Tree Hill!
:'''Brian''': Oh, my God, he destroyed every last box!
:'''Peter''': Holy crap!
:'''Brian''': We're sunk now, Peter. There goes your one chance to get television back to the way it was.
:'''Peter''': Wait a minute. Maybe not, Brian.
:''[A lightbulb appears over Peter's head]''
:'''Peter''': I think I just got an idea.
:''[Peter gets up and breaks the lightbulb]''
:'''Peter''': Aah! I got glass in my face! Oh, crap. Now I forgot what it was.
:''[Peter sits back down and another lightbulb appears over his head]''
:'''Peter''': I got it!
:''[Peter gets up again and breaks the second lightbulb]''
:'''Peter''': Aah! Son of a bitch!

===''[[w:The Old Man and the Big 'C'|The Old Man and the Big 'C']]''===
:''' Peter'': I learned how to do a somersault. ''[Peter tries to do it, but falls over]'' Did I do it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[after Quagmire was revealed to have been wearing a wig]''
:''' Peter''': I guess all the time Quagmire should've been saying &quot;Wiggity&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': Baldness is for women's crotches, not men's heads.

===''[[w:Yug Ylimaf|Yug Ylimaf]]''===
:'''Stewie''': I don't think so. The crotch doesn't look like a BMX track. You bastard!! You've been using ''my'' time machine to nail your bar skanks!
:'''Brian''': Oh, come on! They're ''not'' all bad.
:'''Stewie''': Oh, yes. I've seen the women you bring home. That stutterer, she was a real prize.
:''[Cutaway to Peter, Lois, and Brian and his date at dinner]''
:'''Lois''': How are you enjoying your meal?
:'''Woman''': L-L-L-L-L-Lois, it's d-d-d-delicious.
:'''Peter''': Oh, for cryin' out loud. ''[walks up to the thermostat and turns up the heat]''
:'''Lois''': Peter, why are you turning up the heat again?
:'''Peter''': Lois, this woman is freezing.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Stewie''': Somehow, my machine seems to have reversed the direction of time.
:'''Brian''': Reversed the direction of time? Stewie, what does that mean? I don't get it.
:''[We angle on the sidewalk. Mort Goldman takes a quarter from his pocket and puts it on the sidewalk, then continues]''
:'''Brian''': Okay, now I get it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cleveland is seen naked on the ground of his destroyed house, clearly the result of yet another bathtub incident]''
:'''Cleveland''': Man, we got a large number of clovers on our lawn. ''[He floats up while the damage to both the house and the bathtub undo themselves]'' No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!
:''[Peter is seen in a room next to him]''
:'''Peter''': Oh, hey, Cleveland.
:''[Peter floats away from the house while more damage undoes itself. It is revealed that the damage is a result of Chris lighting up a human cannonball with Peter in it]''
:'''Peter''': Australia, here I come!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Brian is seen fighting a rabbit in a karate tournament in reverse for some reason. We cut back to Brian and Stewie in the living room]''
:'''Stewie''': What the hell was that?
:'''Brian''': This is more intense than when I fought a rabbit in that karate tournament.
:'''Stewie''': That's weird, you're doing reverse cutaways now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Brian and Stewie hear groaning]''
:'''Stewie''': What the devil is that?
:'''Brian''': It's Peter and Chris. Sounds like they're in trouble.
:''[they go to the living room and they see Peter and Chris groaning with vomit all over the room]''
:'''Stewie''': My God. Why is there so much vomit everywhere?
:'''Brian''': ''[points at a bottle]'' Is that the Ipecac bottle? ''[suddenly realizes]'' Oh, no! No, please, not this!
:'''Stewie''': Oh, God. It's not gonna be coming out of us, it's gonna be going... ''[throws up]''
:'''Brian''': ''[panicked]'' Oh, dear God! ''[throws up]'' WHAT THE HELL?!
:''[Peter holds Brian's ears and throws up]''
:'''Stewie''': I don't wanna! I don't wanna- !! ''[regurgitates]''
:'''Chris''': Dad, I'm scared! ''[vomits and cries]''
:'''Stewie''': Oh God, this is so disgusting! I think I'm gonna puke! ''[regurgitates]'' FUCK!
:''[Brian and Stewie go outside, wipe their mouths, and groan in disgust]''
:'''Brian''': Stewie, I don't care what it takes. We've GOT to fix this! We just ate so much vomit!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[As the Griffins leave after Stewie has just been &quot;born&quot;]''
:'''Chris''': You guys heard the baby talking in there, didn't you?
:'''Lois''': Chris, that's ridiculous!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===''[[w:200 Episodes Later|200 Episodes Later]]''===
:'''Stewie''': Watch your back, ''[[The Simpsons|Simpsons]]'', we're less than halfway there.

===''[[w:Joe's Revenge|Joe's Revenge]]''===
:''[Peter makes the &quot;I'm watching you&quot; sign]''
:'''Joe''': What is that?
:'''Peter''': Let's use our eyes ... to see.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': Stupid cat!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Quagmire and I'll help you bring this guy to justice!
:'''Quagmire''': ''[through clenched teeth]'' Peter, what'd I say about you volunteering me for shit?
===''[[w:Lois Comes Out of Her Shell|Lois Comes Out of Her Shell]]''===
:'''Lois''': Do me, Peter. Do me right in the basement.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': I'm gonna get our old mom back! Brian, keys! Chris, beer! Meg, UG-LAAAAAY!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jester''': I'm King Stewie. I rule with an iron fist. La-la-la-la-la-la-la. Look at me. Oooh.
:'''Stewie''': In my office! Now!

===''[[w:Friends Without Benefits|Friends Without Benefits]]''===
:'''Quagmire''': How're you girls doin' on popcorn?
:'''Girl''': I'll take some.
:'''Quagmire''':  Here ya go. ''[tilts popcorn containter towards girl with his crotch.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Meg, Kent's here!
:'''Meg''': Just putting on my lipstick! ''[shaves, cuts]'' Dammit!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Rupert, did you hear that? Meg's boyfriend is in love with me. Not that I care, I mean, it won't matter once I explain to him what's going on with us. But what would I tell him is going on with us?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Dear God, I have a shoe appointment in the morning and I want to be fresh!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Cutaway shows Lois in hosptial bed with baby Meg whose heart is beating on the top of her head]''
:'''Dr. Hartman''': Yeah, that's... that's not supposed to be there so, she should probably always wear a hat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Bonnie. I've put Stewie in the oven a buncha times. As long as you come to your senses in 15 minutes, everything's fine.
:'''Peter''': Lois, can I go slip'n'slide in the yard?
:'''Lois''': Has it been half an hour since you've eaten?
:'''Peter''': Yes, almost.
:'''Lois''': Okay, I just wanna be sure you don't get a cramp.
:'''Peter''': Yay, poor people water fun!

===''[[w:Jesus, Mary and Joseph!|Jesus, Mary and Joseph!]]''===
:'''Joseph (Peter)''': Y'know, this is the same picnic basket we drowned my sister in. Was back when they were like &quot;Drown all the girls!&quot; and then they were like &quot;Don't drown all the girls!&quot;, but she was born on a drowning week so y'know. Achoo!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Donkey (Meg)''': So you guys are goin' to Bethlehem, huh? I went there one time on a donkey's night out. Oh my God; I got sooo hammered!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joseph (Peter)''': ''[trying to have sex with Mary/Lois]'' I can't believe how hard you're making me work.
:'''The Virgin Mary (Lois)''': Well, I did have a good virginity coach.
:''[cutaway]''
:'''Consuela''': No, no, no.
:'''The Virgin Mary (Lois)''': Okay, I think I got it. How's this?... ''[in Consuela's accent]'' No, no, no.
:'''Consuela''': No, no, no.

===''[[w:Space Cadet (Family Guy)|Space Cadet]]''===
:'''Peter''': Hey, what's that in there?
:'''Guide''': That's a sensory deprivation room that prepares our astronauts for the terrifying emptiness of space.
:'''Peter''': Aw cool! Hey, c'mon, Brian. Try it with me. ''[both enter. Guide closes the door; both scream and exit with heads in each other's bodies]''
:'''Peter''': Things got crazy so fast!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': We were talkin' about Meg. We-we call her Chris so she doesn't know.
:'''Meg''': ''[off-camera]'' Fuck you!
:'''Peter''': Shut up, Chris!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': A week ago, we call him stupid and now he's given tours at a space shuttle. Negative reinforcement, that's the key. ''[kicks Stewie]'' Right, stupid?
:'''Stewie''': Ow! I'll do better!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Everyone, strap yourselves in! Stewie, hold my hand!
:'''Stewie''': No, thank you. I prefer to die giving you the finger. ''[Stewie does so]''
:'''Peter''': If this is what it takes to get out of Florida, fine.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Meg''': ''[touring the shuttle with Chris]'' So do you know how all this stuff works?
:'''Chris''': Well, I don't know what most of these buttons do, but I know this big red one is the one you press to launch.
:'''Stewie''': Ooo! Big red button!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': ''[as they are being blasted off]'' You know what? You only live once. I am sticking my head out the window. ''[he does]'' YES! THIS IS THE BEST PART OF WHATEVER'S SO ENJOYABLE ABOUT THIS!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': What are you doing?
:'''Chris''': Saving our lives.
:'''Peter''': I wish he hadn't said that. Now I'm kinda rooting against him.

===''[[w:Brian's Play|Brian's Play]]''===
:'''Stewie''': What the fuck are you talking about? The play I wrote, have you seen it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': You tried to destroy it, didn't you? I knew my play was good, just like I knew your play was a mediocre patchwork of hackneyed ideas and tired cliches. You have no idea how hard it was to sit in that theater with all those braying hyenas. Couldn't you tell something was up when Chris and the fat man could follow the plot? I mean, it took Peter a year to figure out &quot;Stuart Little&quot;.
:''[Cutaway]''
:'''Peter''': I just figured it out. &quot;Stuart&quot; means mouse.
:'''Lois''': No, Peter.
:'''Peter''': &quot;Little&quot; means mouse?
:'''Lois''': No, Peter.
:'''Peter''': I feel so old and in the way.
:''[Present]''
:'''Brian''': It's still a good play!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': It's filled with terrible double entendres, puns and stolen bits. There's a line in there from &quot;Seinfeld&quot;.
:'''Brian''': I never saw that episode.
:'''Stewie''': I have a voice. You understand that? A writer needs a voice and I have one. You don't. Your play panders to the lowest common denominator, Brian. And it doesn't even do that well!

===''[[w:The Giggity Wife|The Giggity Wife]]''===
:'''Peter''': Where will you two be going on your scummymoon? And can I plan your bridal golden shower?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Your new wife is a human toilet.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Welcome to our home, Charisse. Sit on my lips if you like. That chair with the garbage bag taped over it looks pretty good.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Charmese sits next to Meg]''
:'''Stewie''': Meg, you look good next to her.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': I need you to have sex with me while she watches.
:''[Long silence]''
:'''Peter''': I have some demands.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': What the hell is going on with my life?!

===''[[w:Valentine's Day in Quahog|Valentine's Day in Quahog]]''===
:''[Stewie throws up and returns to the present after realizing the infant girl he fell in love with and kissed is his mother]''
:'''Brian''': Oh my God. Stewie, what happened?
:'''Stewie''': ''(Furiously)'' '''NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT HAPPENED!'''
:'''Brian''': ''(Angrily)'' Geez, you kissed your mother with that mouth? ''(Stewie throws up again while Brian recoils)''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Lois comes down the stairs to the darkened living room in a robe]''
:'''Lois''': Peter, are you ready for your Valentine's gift?
:''[she disrobes and turns on the light to find she's standing naked before Stewie as he stares at her]''
:'''Stewie''': No, but I'm ready for therapy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In the morning]''
:'''Quagmire's date''': ''[after sex]'' I thought we could get some breakfast.
:''[Quagmire flips a switch and the girl is dropped into a mine car and sent out the front door]''
:'''Quagmire''': Clearly, you're not familiar with how this works.

===''[[w:Chris Cross (Family Guy)|Chris Cross]]''===
:'''Herbert''': Sweet dreams, Chris.
:''[Herbert turns the lights off. Chris turns them on; Herbert's bed is moved closer to Chris]''
:'''Chris''': I'm not really tired yet.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': That was a fun birthday party, huh, Stewie?
:'''Stewie''': That kid was Indian and eleven years old. Where are you finding my friends?

===''[[w:Call Girl (Family Guy)|Call Girl]]''===
:'''Lois''': It's like our privates were shaking hands after a successful business meeting in a swamp.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter and Lois are in a passionate embrace on the sofa]''
:'''Stewie''': Can I interest you guys in a two-and-a-quarter way?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe''': Hey, Quagmire, do yourself a favor: don't get married.
:'''Quagmire''': I wasn't gonna.
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.
:'''Quagmire''': ''[Impatiently]'' I said I wasn't!
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.
:'''Quagmire''': Joe, you telling me not to has no effect on me whatsoever. I will not get married.
:'''Joe''': ''[Defiantly]'' Perfect. ...don't.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe''': Quagmire, you should never meet one of those sex operators.
:'''Quagmire''': ''[Impatiently]'' Yeah that's what I said... I wouldn't do it!
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.
:'''Quagmire''': ''[Angrily]'' J-Joe, you realize what you're telling me not to do, I already am not doing! I know I should never meet one of those sex operators ever!
:'''Joe''': Good. Don't.

===''[[w:Turban Cowboy|Turban Cowboy]]''===
:''[Peter to the pilot before he skydives]''
:'''Peter''': Thanks for the lift, Gil. I think I'll take the express down.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the phone rings]''
:'''Lois''': Hello?
:''[it's Peter]'':
:'''Peter''': Is dinner almost ready?
:'''Lois''': Yes, Peter. God, where are you? I can barely hear you.
:'''Peter''': Pull back my chair ever so slightly.
:''[Lois complies and Peter crashes through the ceiling of the house]''
:'''Peter''': Ahh, Daddy's home.

===''[[w:12 and a Half Angry Men|12 and a Half Angry Men]]''===
:'''Peter''': I just don't think he could have done it. Guilty!
:''[Quagmire whispers in his ear]''
:'''Peter''': Oh, guilty is the other one? ''[exasperated]'' Well, I don't know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Griffin family are all taking a bath together]''
:'''Lois''': Peter, how long do we have to sit here?
:'''Peter''': Until I'm not angry anymore, you naked buncha bitches!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Judge''': We will now hear the defense attorney's closing statement.
:''[Pans over jury, which shows Peter at two ends]
:'''Peter''': I switched seats.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': ''Enough!''... was a movie with [[Jennifer Lopez]] that did not live to expectations.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': And now to take my position. This is what I call the butterpat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': There's a maniac out there! He's cutting people's power off, breaking into their homes and slitting their throats! ''[the lights suddenly go out]'' ...And we're dead.

===''[[w:Bigfat|Bigfat]]''===
:'''Pope''': Hi. I don't know who to complain to about this, but I keep getting XVIII's mail. Yeah, no, no, he's not here anymore. This is XXIV. Yeah. No, I don't need ''Newsweek''. No, I don't need ''National Geographic''. Yeah...I...No, I'll...I'll hang onto ''Boy's Life''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter sees Roger when they greet the new neighbors, the Smiths]''
:'''Peter''': What the hell kind of dog is that?
:'''Roger''': ''[indicates Meg]'' I was going to ask you the same thing.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Hank Hill wakes up from a nightmare of his wife, Lois, sleeping with Peter]''
:'''Hank Hill''': Ahh, dammit. I always wake up before I find out if they can understand the baby.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Lift up the shades, there's a man on the wing! ''[Joe lifts up the shades]'' I'm the man on the wing.
:'''Joe''': Are you crazy?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Quagmire''': I don't know if I can pull out of this, Giggity.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': ''[weakly]'' You... look... fat.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': ''[sighs]'' I'm bored.
:'''Quagmire''': Peter, you made me crash the damn plane!
:'''Peter''': Okay, I know you're a pilot and everything, but not everyone likes to talk about planes as much as you, Quagmire.

===''[[w:Total Recall (Family Guy)|Total Recall]]''===
:'''Peter''': ''[in a deep voice]'' I even won a deep voice contest with Joe.
:'''Joe''': ''[in a deep voice]'' I heard you coming.
:'''Peter''': I made myself heard.
:'''Joe''': Where have you come from?
:'''Peter''': I've come from where I've been.
:'''Joe''': You still riding with that mangy polecat, Fletcher?
:'''Peter''': Fletcher met the long arm of the law at the wrong end of a shotgun in the deep end of a grave at the far end of a dead end road.
:'''Referee''': Winner!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Look, Lois! I have my friends and you have groceries and all those rusty pink razors in the shower. Now just stick to what's intended for you and leave my things to me.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Hey, Horace, get that wiener outta your hand and give us 3 more beers over here.
:'''Horace''': Ah, Lois, you're always giving me the business.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Hey, Horace, why don't ya take that wiener outta your hand and give me a beer!
:'''Horace''': Don't talk to me that way, you son of a bitch! ''[Punches Peter]''

===''[[w:Save the Clam|Save the Clam]]''===
:'''Chris''': Hey, Meg. Who's your date? He looks like a real stiff.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': There's only one drinking spot for us and it's the Clam.
:'''Quagmire''': But Peter, it's closed. We can't go in there.
:'''Peter''': Quagmire, when a girl says she doesn't want to have sex with you, do you take that as an answer?
:''[a man whispers into Quagmire's ear]''
:'''Quagmire''': My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Meg''': ''[puts make up on corpse]'' Wow, that really works. Hm, maybe I'll try that on myself.
:'''Meg's boss at the morgue''': Oh, eh... You have what we call a &quot;closed-casket-face&quot;.

===''[[w:Farmer Guy|Farmer Guy]]''===
:'''Lois''': ''[to Peter]'' I forgot you don't even know your ass from a hole in the ground.
:''[cut to a cutaway of Peter walking by a hole in the ground, he stops to look at it]''
:'''Peter''': Is that my ass?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Meg''': You guys. I think this is a meth lab.
:'''Lois''': Oh my god. You mean like as in D-R-U-G-S? Aren't those I-L-L-E-G-A-L?
:'''Stewie''': What's going on? What are you guys talking about?
:'''Lois''': Uh oh, someone's getting cranky. ''[picks up Stewie]'' I think he needs an N-A-P.
:'''Stewie''': What's happening? Where are you taking me? Man, I got to crack this code.

===''[[w:Roads to Vegas|Roads to Vegas]]''===
:''[one set of Brian and Stewie teleport into Las Vegas]''
:'''Brian''': Oh my God, Stewie. It worked! We're in Vegas.
:'''Stewie''': Yeahhh, alright! So let's hit the hospital, get checked out for teleportation cancer, and then party!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Brian and Stewie are standing on the edge of the balcony, ready to jump to commit suicide]''
:'''Stewie''': Well... this is it.
:'''Brian''': I guess so.
:'''Stewie''': Count to three?
:'''Brian''': Yep.
:'''Brian and Stewie''': 1... 2...
:'''Brian''': ''[jumps off the balcony but Stewie doesn't]'' Three!
:'''Stewie''': ''[holds onto the railing]'' I'm sorry, I can't, I want to live! I didn't think we were gonna do it!
:'''Brian''': ''[falls to his death]'' YOU DICK!
:'''Stewie''': Oh, my God, Brian! Brian, no! Good Lord, what have I done?! ''[tries to run out of the room]'' I better get the hell out of here! ''[trips over his backpack and finds the money the other pair had won]'' What the deuce? Where did this come from? ''[slides the money tops]'' Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

: ''[The Brian and Stewie clones arrive at their poor hotel]''
:'''Brian''': Oh my god! This place is a dump!

:'''Stewie''': ''[looking at a leaflet]'' Let's not be so quick to judge. Says here there's a continental breakfast. Oh, the continent is Africa.

:'''Brian''': Stewie, this place is a total dump! Don't you think it's weird we have to keep checking in every 20 minutes?

:'''Stewie''': ''[continues reading]'' Also, the porn is free, but we have to watch it from the lobby.

===''[[w:No Country Club for Old Men|No Country Club for Old Men]]''===
:'''Brian''': Hey, so eeeh... I'm digging a hole under the fence in the backyard.
:'''Stewie''': Brian, you have a car. You don't have to escape.
:'''Brian''': Just don't say anything, okay?

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Family Guy}}

[[Category:Family Guy seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>s29jq1w8uwdtoep2n3fztd2fm7i257i</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Kirby: Right Back At Ya!</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>140191</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146087</id>
      <parentid>3144583</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:41:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2601:184:200:EA00:511D:E60C:5B49:D690</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* [Episode 88] Shell-Shocked ([Episode 88] はだかのエスカルゴン) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="169211" xml:space="preserve">{{vfd-new}}

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Kirby: Right Back at Ya!|Kirby: Right Back at Ya!]]''''', known in Japan as Hoshi no Kirby (星のカービィ Hoshi no Kābī, Kirby of the Stars), is a Japanese anime series created by Warpstar, Inc. and based on Nintendo's Kirby franchise. The series ran for one hundred episodes from October 6, 2001 to September 27, 2003. The series aired on Chubu-Nippon Broadcasting in Japan and in the United States on 4Kids TV; 4Kids Entertainment heavily edited the content in the process.

== [Episode 1] Kirby Comes to Cappy Town ([Episode 1] 出た! ピンクの訪問者)==
:'''Escargoon''': Monster!? That's ridiculous! There's no monster in this castle!
:'''Cappy''': Yes there is! It's big and it eats everything in sight!
:'''Escargoon''': That's King Dedede! There's no monster. Now why don't you go on back to your little trailer park so the King can have his supper in peace?
:'''Tiff''': Hey, wait a minute, Escargoon! Not so fast! ''[Tiff, her brother Tuff, and their parents Sir Ebrum and Lady Like appear]'' How do we know you're not lying again?
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, like you usually do?
:'''Escargoon''': You have no right to speak to me that way. Your parents should slap you silly.
:'''Tiff''': Papa, something funny's going on!
:'''Sir Ebrum''': You might be right, Tiff. A monster is the kind of thing that Dedede would love.
:'''Lady Like''': The king must be behind this!
:'''Escargoon''': You're court official. How dare you accuse his royal highness! ''[to King Dedede]'' Want me to check 'em in for a two-week stay in the dungeon, sweet kingey?
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Laughs and turns to face everyone else]'' A monster, huh? Would the monster happen to look anything that?
:''[He points to a fish tank containing a small octopus]''
:'''Cappy''': That's it! That's the monster! Except it was a hundred times bigger!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Well you can see this ain't no monster, it's my new pet octopus. The only thing he likes to eat is sardines.
:''[He drops one in the tanks. The octopus eats it]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hehehehe. Little fella wouldn't hurt a fly less it was on the end of a fish hook!
:'''Escargoon''': Of course it wouldn't. Now get out and go back to your trailer park so the king can have his dessert! Go on! Poof, you're gone!
:''[Tiff runs up to the octopus. The two exchange stares]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kabu''': Tell me, citizens of Dreamland. For what purpose have you come to consult me?
:'''Sir Ebrum''': We seek your wisdom and knowledge Kabu! For three nights a giant monster has been stealing our sheep.
:'''Lady Like''': And it's robbing me of my beauty sleep.
:'''Mayor Len''': King Dedede says it's not his monster...
:'''Chief Bookem''': But I don't believe that rascal.
:'''Tuff''': You know the truth, Kabu!
:'''Tiff''': Please tell us where the monster is, Kabu, and how we can make it go away.
:'''Kabu''': The monster is here. And all of Dreamland is in grave danger.
:'''Tiff''': Why did he come here?
:'''Kabu''': It was called here by your own King Dedede. ''[in the distance, Dedede and Escargoon are watching from Dedede's tank]''
:'''Escargoon''': Sounds like the big Kabu-na's got your number, crownie.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[punches Escargoon on the head]'' That tattle-telling tiki!
:'''Kabu''': The monster was created, by one far more powerful than King Dedede.
:'''Chief Bookem''': I'd like to lock both of them up.
:'''Mayor Len''': What can we do to stop them?
:'''Kabu''': There is nothing you can do.
:''[Everyone is in shock]''
:'''Sir Ebrum''': Oh dear!
:'''Lady Like''': Oh dear me!
:'''Falala''': Is Dreamland doomed?
:'''Tiff''': Can anybody help, Kabu?
:'''Kabu''': There is one hope... a Star Warrior traveling through space... whose name is Kirby.
:'''Tiff''': Kirby.
:'''Tuff''': Yay, Kirby!
:'''Tiff''': Hmmm, bet he's cute!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[He and Escargoon enter]'' That's trash you're talking, Kabu. Ain't no such person as Kirby.
:'''Escargoon''': That's right. You're full of Kabu-loney.
:'''Kabu''': Kabu can see the future.
:'''King Dedede''': Then why don't you predict what's gonna happen when I push this here button?
:'''Kabu''': I predict you will not push it.
:'''King Dedede''': Hey Escargoon, did ya hear that one? ''[laughs]'' Well I predict you're dead wrong!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': It's gotta be impossible, but your name wouldn't happen to be &quot;Kirby&quot;?!
:'''Kirby''': Kirby! Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[After Kirby saves her from falling to her death]'' Kirby just saved my life.
:'''Tuff''': A monster wouldn't have done that, Tiff.
:'''Fololo''': You're right, Tuff.
:'''Falala''': Maybe Kirby is a Star Warrior.
:'''Tiff''': ''[dusting herself]'' Impossible, Falala. Warriors are big and strong, not pink and puffy! ''[Kirby walks by her, surprising her]''
:'''Tuff''': Hey, where are you going? ''[Kirby runs faster, and he, Fololo &amp; Falala give chase]'' Hey, wait up!
:'''Fololo''': He doesn't understand!
:'''Falala''': Don't let him get away, Fololo!
:'''Tiff''': Some warrior.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': My parents work for the King, and we live in the castle. In case you were wondering, my name's Tiff.
:'''Kirby''': Name Tiff.
:''(Tiff gasps)''
:'''Kirby''': Name Tiff!
:'''Tuff''': I'm her brother, Tuff.
:'''Kirby''': Tuff.
:'''Fololo''': And we're their friends Fololo...
:'''Falala''': ... and Falala!
:'''Kirby''': Fololo, Falala?
:'''Tuff''': Guess Kirby must be a baby warrior.
:''[Tiff, Tuff, Fololo, and Falala laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Len''': ...And as Mayor of Cappy Town, I know I speak for everyone when I say we're pleased and proud to welcome our honored guest, the mighty Star Warrior Kirby.
:'''Chief Bookem''': I can speak for myself, thank you.
:'''Mayor Len''': Hah, we all know that, Chief Bookem.
:'''Tuff''': Let's hurry up and eat.
:'''Tiff''': Kirby doesn't understand what you're saying anyway.
:'''Mayor Len''': Then let's dig in, shall we?
:''[Kirby inhales everyone's dinner and then spits their accessories, plates, and silverware back out]''
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''Tuff''': ''[yells in frustration and falls face-first on the table surface]'' I knew I should've started eatin'.
:'''Tiff''': Hey, what's the big idea, Kirby?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Careful with that starship, snailbrain! Once we get it fixed, we can send Kirby back where he came from.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Why does he have to be so abusive? Self-esteem issues, anyone?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Welcome to Nightmare Enterprises, King Dedede. How may I assist you?
:'''King Dedede''': Look, pal, I don't like to complain, but I paid you folks a lot of money for an octopus monster and it turned out to be a little shrimp.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Just give it time, Your Highness, and I guarantee that little shrimp will grow on you.
:'''King Dedede''': Alright.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[screams upon seeing that Octacon has grown to its true size]'' HOLY CALAMARI!
:'''Escargoon''': Get back in your tank, you overgrown appetizer!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[tackles Escargoon]'' Find the receipt for this thing, 'cause I want my money back!
:'''Meta Knight''': You had better leave, Sire.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': ''[about what Kirby did to Octacon's miniature octopus]'' He sucked 'em up.
:'''Tiff''': Just like he sucked up our dinner.
:'''Meta Knight''': It is Kirby's classic defense - inhale.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': ''[about Kirby's transformation]'' That is Kirby's copy ability. After inhaling an attack, Kirby can transform himself. Kirby has now become... Fire Kirby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': There goes my refund.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, I do believe we've been starstruck.

== [Episode 2] A Blockbuster Battle ([Episode 2] 大変! 戦士のおうち探し)==
:'''King Dedede''': They look like rejects to me. I need something strong enough to get rid of Kirby...for good!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Kirby's sure striking out with the plates.
:'''King Dedede''': Then let's see if he can slide.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[about Blocky]'' This thing's even heavier than you, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah. Big enough to beat Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': You dumb blockhead!
:'''Escargoon''': We're sunk and so is he!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna miss my little Blocky!
:'''Escargoon''': Well, Sire, it just goes to show you you shouldn't take your monsters for granite.

== [Episode 3] Kirby's Duel Role ([Episode 3] え! メタナイト卿と対決?) ==
:'''Tiff''': Meta Knight came here to see you, didn't he, Kabu?
:'''Kabu''': He came here to consult with me about the threat to the planet.
:'''Tiff''': Threat to the planet? What do you mean?
:'''Kabu''': There is a secret empire of evil ruled by one known as eNeMeE. ''[does a flashback to a shadowed Nightmare placing Chess monsters on the chessboard in his lair]'' It is his plan to control the entire universe. He creates monsters and delivers them to customers like Dedede, who do not know their true purpose. But eNeMeE made one grave mistake. ''[Nightmare grimaces in pain as the shadowed sphere he was about to place on the chessboard has just stabbed his finger with a sword]'' One creature was produced that would not obey his orders, and eNeMeE fears it may defeat him. ''[Nightmare furiously slams the chessboard as the flashback ends]''
:'''Tiff''': The creature must be... Kirby.
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, and that must be why eNeMeE's trying to get rid of him.
:'''Kabu''': That is the likely explanation.
:'''Tiff''': Well, we better get going. Thanks a lot, Kabu.
:'''Tuff''': Hey, Kabu. Where'd ya learn all that stuff?
:'''Kabu''': I learned it long ago, from Meta Knight.
:'''Tuff''': Say what?!
:'''Tiff''': From Meta Knight?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Well, that pink punk ain't gonna make a monkey out of King Dedede. ''[starts driving back to his castle only to be interrupted by Meta Knight]'' Outta my way, Meta Knight!
:'''Meta Knight''': Sire, it is my duty to warn you. Kirby has great power now.
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah? Well, who's the king around here, you or me?
:'''Escargoon''': Move it or lose it!
:'''Meta Knight''': It pains me to do this, sire. But I'm afraid I must. ''[kicks Dedede's tank downhill]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey! What's happening?!
:'''Escargoon''': We're going backwards!
:'''King Dedede''': I know that! Hit the brakes!
:'''Escargoon''': They won't hold, we're gonna crash!
:'''King Dedede''': Do something!
:'''Escargoon''': Like what?!
:'''King Dedede''': Break my fall!
:''[The tank reverses off a nearby cliff and crashes off-screen]''

== [Episode 4] Dark and Stormy Knight ([Episode 4] 星の戦士のひみつ) ==
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Sorry, Your Majesty. But our contract says that Kracko can't be sent backo! ''[laughs]''

== [Episode 5] Beware: Whispy Woods! ([Episode 5] 怒れ! ウィスピーウッズ) ==
:'''Tiff:''' Our planet's ecosystem is a marvel of symbiotic relationships among all living things large and small. Wow, isn't that amazing, Kirby? ''(notices Kirby is missing)'' Kirby? Kirby!
:'''Tuff:''' I guess Kirby must've got bored and went for a walk or something.

== [Episode 6] Un-Reality TV ([Episode 6] 見るぞい! チャンネルDDD)==
:'''Tiff''': WE USED TO HAVE LIVES BEFORE TELEVISION!!!!!

== [Episode 7] Kirby's Egg-Cellent Adventure ([Episode 7] 逆襲! ダイナブレイド) ==
:'''King Dedede''': Look at all the variety. There's shy birds, fly birds, blue birds, two birds, crazy birds, and lazy birds!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Remind me to install some escalators on this mountain.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Dyna Blade had an egg she laid, E-I-E-I-O. But a handsome king had a plan he made, E-I-E-I-O. When Kirby eats that big old egg, Dyna Blade's gonna grab him by the leg, drag him away to a secret lair, finally get Kirby out of my hair. ♪'' Dyna Blade... Hey, look!
:'''Escargoon''': Let's hide.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Our deeds bind us to fate as surely as the sun sets.
:'''Tiff''': Could you say that in English?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Kirby, I was only kidding! You'd be too tough for anybody to eat.

== [Episode 8] Curio's Curious Discovery ([Episode 8] キュリオ氏の古代プププ文明) ==

:'''Tiff''': Remember what you always say. The most important thing isn't to show your theories right, but to dig all the way to the truth!

== [Episode 9] The Fofa Factor ([Episode 9] ロロロとラララ愛のメロディ)==
:'''Escargoon''': Sire, a message from your fortune teller.
:'''King Dedede''': Well? What's my soothsayer say?
:'''Escargoon''': I'm lookin', I'm lookin! It says, &quot;If you look for trouble, your trouble will double.&quot;
:'''King Dedede''': Hmph. What's that mumbo-gumbo supposed to mean?
:'''Escargoon''': I'm not sure, but there's more.
:'''King Dedede''': Good. Is it next week's lottery numbers?
:'''Escargoon''': If it was, I wouldn't tell you. It says, &quot;Your account is past due. Pay up, you cheap tightwad!&quot; ''[Dedede hammers him]'' Great. Just 'cause I'm a snail, I get slugged.
:'''King Dedede''': Well I'll show her. I'm ordering a new monster.
:'''Escargoon''': Did you order me some aspirin?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Say, you Cappies look kinda sheepish. Hah! Sheepish! That's a good one! ''[laughs]''
:'''Chief Bookem''': King Dedede! ''[Dedede looks at Bookem with a shocked expression on his face]'' Body-snatchin's illegal.
:'''King Dedede''': So what? You may have my body, but I'm still head around here!
:'''Mayor Len''': We demand you return us to normal, your highness. We're one furious flock!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Boy Kirby and Girl Kirby laugh]''
:'''Falala''': I think we'd better keep it down guys.
:'''Fololo''': Falala, they look just like us!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fofa''': No! Let me go, you creep! I don't wanna be sent to hurt anybody!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': All you can do is float in the air, you useless little clown. We're splitting you in two.
:'''Fofa''': In two?! No please, you can't!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': ''[after Slice n' Splice's sun rod has disintegrated]'' It's too late to use it now. The sun rod bit the dust.
:'''Tiff''': I'm really sorry that we couldn't put you two back together again.
:'''Falala''': That's okay. We may have two bodies...
:'''Fololo''': But we've got one heart. [he and Falala hug each other]

== [Episode 10] Hail to the Chief ([Episode 10] ボルン署長をリニュアルせよ)==
:'''Mayor Len''': Lunatics! This is a road, not a bumper car track!
:'''Escargoon''': It's your fault. I guess you haven't heard the King's always got the right of way.
:'''King Dedede''': Just ask the DDDMV!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': You could have been hurt in that crash, but luckily your stomach acts as a built-in airbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuggle''': The King's firing Chief Bookem?
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': There goes my doughnut sales.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Those bees gave me so many lumps that I feel like a bowl of oatmeal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': ''[While Driving Dedede's Tank And Yelling At The Same Time]'' Driving sure is a lot harder than it looks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Aw, my paper's in pieces! Grr... if that's how y'all gonna play it, i'm gonna up the ante!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bookem''': ''[to the bees, about Dedede and Escargoon]'' Company bee, arrest these crooks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Leave us alone, don't pollinate something!
:'''King Dedede''': Don't you dare sting yo king!

== [Episode 11] The Big Taste Test ([Episode 11] 宮廷シェフ・カワサキ) ==
:'''Escargoon''': ''[shaking]'' You don't want to eat me! I'm bitter...r...r...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': What better way to honor your King than to let him sauté you?
:'''Escargoon''': ''[whimpering]'' I never thought I'd go like this...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[trying samples of Kawasaki's food]'' Tasteless! Nasty! Awful! This stinks! This too! Lousy! Putrid! Rancid! TREASON!!! Kawa-yucki, I oughta fry you up like a fritter!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': I know this came out of the oven, but it tastes like it came outta the sofa cushions!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': There's a word for this here stuff, and it ain't &quot;food&quot;!

== [Episode 12] Kirby's Pet Peeve ([Episode 15] 誕生? カービィのおとうと) ==
:'''King Dedede''': What's that thing he's got?
:'''Escargoon''': I don't know what he's got, but I've got whiplash.
:''(Kirby and the Robot Pet scream &quot;Poyo!&quot; and bark respectively at them, angrily)''
:'''King Dedede''': That's one of them computer canines! I want one of 'em, too. Where'd he get that?
:'''Escargoon''': I don't know. Probably from that toy shop in Cappy Town.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Now what do I look like, some little nitwit?
:'''Gengu''': I wouldn't say little. Definitely not.

== [Episode 13] Escargoon Squad ([Episode 12] デデデ城のユーレイ)==
:'''Meta Knight''': It appears you were able to shamboozle us all, Escargoon.
:'''Sir Ebrum''': By jove! You suddenly had me believing in ghosts.
:'''Lady Like''': Tuff, I'm ashamed of you!
:'''Tuff''': King Dedede is always doing stuff to scare us. Why shouldn't we scare him?
:'''Kirby''': Poyo!
:'''Tiff''': Well, I guess bad things happen to bad kings!
:''[Everyone in the room but Meta Knight burst out laughing]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[chasing Kirby, Tuff, Escargoon, Fololo And Falala]'' You all gonna be ghosts when I catch up with ya!

== [Episode 14] The Pillow Case ([Episode 14] 夢枕魔獣顔見勢) ==
:'''Escargoon''': What's wrong, Sire? I haven't seen you this mad since yesterday.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Take it easy on those turns.
:'''King Dedede''': Just hang on to my throne.
:'''Escargoon''': I'll hang on to the throne, Sire. It's my lunch I'm worried about.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I'm their number one customer, and they ought to acknowledge that once in a while.
:'''Escargoon''': Well, maybe they would if you pay the bill every once in a while.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Pillows? What're they for?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Haven't you ever used one? They're for sleeping.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[Hypnotized]'' Must destroy kirby. '''Destroy Kirby!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Lucky little lump.

== [Episode 15] A Fish Called Kine ([Episode 16] 私を愛したサカナ 私を愛したサカナ) ==
:'''Tiff''': A fish who can write...
:'''Kine''': A lot of fish are very educated because we spend so much time in schools.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Me, your girlfriend?!
:'''Tuff''': ''[Laughing]'' Yeah, Tiff. And he can be your Gillfriend!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Ah... the catch of the day.
:'''Tuff''': Stop! That's not sushi, that's Tiff's boyfriend!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Her... boyfriend?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': You see how dangerous it is?
:'''Tuff''': You're lucky. You must have nine lives.
:'''Kine''': Maybe that means I'm part catfish...

== [Episode 16] Flower Power ([Episode 18] 眠りの森のピンクボール) ==
:'''Fololo &amp; Falala''': Babagahara? I've heard of that place. No one who goes there has ever come back!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': This plant plan's startin' to grow on me.
:'''Dedede''': Yeah, that Pukey Flower's one bad blossom! It pops up little Noddy berries, the critters gobble them up, and the owners can't wake 'em. (laughs)
:'''Escargoon''': They think a wiff of the Pukey will wake them up, but then the Pukey eats them up!
:'''Dedede''': And now it's time for Kirby.
:'''Escargoon''': Lunch time. ''[the two burst into laughter]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirby''': ''[snoring, sleep-talking]'' Picnic...picnic...
:''[Tuff gasps]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[sleep-talking again]'' Pic...nic....

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Kirby! Glad you're okay, buddy!

== [Episode 17] Here Comes the Son ([Episode 19] ナックルジョーがやって来た!) ==
:'''King Dedede''': I happen to know just the Star Warrior you lookin' for.
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Then spill your guts, tubby.
:'''King Dedede''': Uhhh, tubby?
:'''Escargoon''': Hey wise guy, this is the king you're talking about! You can't insult him because he's fat! Or because he's a big ignoramus! Or because he's a tightwad...''[gets hammered by Dedede]''
:'''King Dedede''': '']clears throat]'' Sonny, I know just the Star Warrior you lookin' for, and his name's Kirby.
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Look out... Kirby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Knuckle Joe''': He wasn't a father. He was a weakling.
:'''Meta Knight''': Good. I am glad. That way, he will not have to see what a monster you have become. 
:'''Knuckle Joe''': What? I am not a monster! 
:'''Meta Knight''': Anyone who abandons his reason, and lives only by hatred, is a monster. 
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Grrr... 
:'''Tiff''': Knuckle Joe... What we do makes us all monsters. And now, look what you did to Kirby. 
:'''Knuckle Joe''': But I am not a monster! 
:'''Meta Knight''': But you lived by hatred. And hatred is what eNeMeE loves.

== [Episode 18] Dedede's Snow Job ([Episode 20] さよなら、雪だるまチリー) ==

== [Episode 19] A Princess in Dis-Dress ([Episode 21] 王女ローナの休日)==
:'''King Dedede''': ''(Practice proposal to Princess Rona)'' From the moment I laid my big ol' eyes on your big ol' head, I knew you were my love.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Cries]'' I wanna marry the pretty princess!
:'''Escargoon''': ''[at Princess Rona]'' Now you've broken the king's heart! ''(softly)'' How? I don't know, he doesn't have one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': My dreams are shattered. How will I ever fill this emptiness?
:'''Escargoon''': Ah, just do what you normally do. Have seven cheeseburgers.

== [Episode 20] Island of the Lost Warrior ([Episode 22] 孤島の決戦老兵は死なず!) ==
:'''Tuff''': What are we going to do, Tiff?
:'''Tiff''': I'm thinking! It takes time to come up with great ideas!
:''[Tiff's stomach growls]''
:'''Tiff''': ''[looking embarrassed]'' My stomach thinks it's a great idea for us to find some lunch now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Kirby, I'm sure glad you made friends with Sergeant Cosmos.
:'''Tuff''': Me too, but that guy's still kind of wacky.
:'''Tiff''': He's been stuck on this island so long he thinks the Star Warriors still have an army.
:'''Kit Cosmos''': ''[suddenly puts out Kirby and friends' fire that they were cooking their fish on]'' Are you kids out of your minds?! Lightin' a campfire at night will give away our position to the enemy!
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, except we don't have any enemies.
:'''Tiff''': And look. Now we don't have any dinner.
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Tough luck. During some of my missions, I went weeks with nothin' to eat but dirt! A real warrior don't need no fancy luxuries like food!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;	
:'''Kit Cosmos''': I salute you, Meta Knight!

== [Episode 21] The Empty Nest Mess ([Episode 23] 迷子のダイナベイビー)==
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! Get this caterpillar off of me!
:'''Escargoon''': I guess I used too much formula, but at least we know it works!

== [Episode 22] Ninja Binge ([Episode 24] ニンジャ、ベニカゲ参上!)==
:'''Benikage''': Keep away from the scroll, or prepare to battle a real ninja!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Benikage''': ''[sniff]'' They're plastic anyway...''[cries]''

== [Episode 23] Like Mother, Like Snail/Escargoon Rules ([Episode 24] エスカルゴン、まぶたの母)==
:'''Tiff''': Who's so important to ya?
:'''Escargoon''': It's my... it's my... It's my mommy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon's Mother''': Ahh, it's still so hard for me to believe that I'm the mother of a king.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': You two's Escar-dentical!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Don't worry. That guy's just pretending to be king.
:'''Escargoon's Mother''': He's pretending? But why?
:'''Tiff''': It's his job to act crazy. Dedede's the court jester.
:'''Escargoon's Mother''': Court jester? You mean he's a clown?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[horrified, about his Drifter parachute]'' It's been De-De-Disintegrated!

== [Episode 24] Sword and Blade, Loyal and True/Hour of the WolfWrath ([Episode 26] 忠誠! ソードとブレイド) ==
:'''Escargoon''': (after WolfWrath has gotten away from him and Dedede) Ah, I don't think it's housebroken.
:'''Dedede''': That WolfWrath monster of yours better not wreck my castle. This ain't no doghouse!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I'm afraid WolfWrath doesn't take too well to training, Triple D. He's kind of a hot dog and if you try to break him, you'll get burned! ''[laughs]''
:'''Dedede''': Huh? It'll attack me?! ''[the N.M.E. Sales Guy laughs again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[about WolfWrath's battle with Meta Knight]'' Look, it's battling Meta Knight, not Kirby!
:'''Dedede''': Grr... Meta Knight oughtta mind his own beeswax and let WolfWrath turn Kirby into toast!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Don't sweat it, Triple D. That monster can wipe out a whole army of Star Warriors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': KITCHEEEEENNNNN!!! Where's the chow, ya chowder-heads? His highness is hungry up here!
:'''Waddle Doo''': But we just served the king a ten-course meal.
:'''Dedede''': All of them appetizers was un-appetizin'. Bring me ten different courses and make it snappy!
:'''Waddle Doo''': Right! ''[he and the Waddle Dees make another ten-course meal and start bringing it to the king]'' Hup, two, three, four, we bring the food and he wants more, five, six, seven, eight, the king had better watch his weight.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sword Knight''': We should have stayed to protect Kirby.
:'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' Our promise.
:'''Sword Knight''': We're sorry, kids. We won't let it happen again.
:'''Tiff''': That's okay. The only reason you two were reckless was because you knew Meta Knight was in trouble.
:'''Tuff''': You guys sure are loyal to him. How'd you meet him?
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''Blade Knight''': ''*mumbling*'' Long time ago.
:'''Sword Knight''': Back when Meta Knight and the Star Warriors were battling Nightmare's monster armies. ''(begins flashback)'' The struggle turned the whole galaxy into a wasteland. To survive, we became bandits.
:''[Meta Knight is running up the side of the canyon when Blade Knight and Sword Knight step in his way]''
:'''Meta Knight''': Out of my way. Let me pass!
:'''Sword Knight''': Oh, we'll be happy to let you pass, for a price.
:''[Blade Knight mumbling]''
:'''Meta Knight''': I have no time for your games. The monster that is chasing me is truly dangerous.
:'''Sword Knight''': We're dangerous too.
:'''Meta Knight''': I warn you. Leave now while you still have a chance.
:''[WolfWrath's howl is heard above all three as it leaps down and attacks by surprise]''
:'''Blade Knight''': Away! Away! ''[mumbling]''
:''[Sword Knight attacks but is thrown aside by WolfWrath. It spits a fireball at them only for it to be reflected back by Meta Knight]''
:'''Meta Knight''': Run. Quickly! ''[Blade Knight and Sword Knight hide as he then fights back against WolfWrath and ultimately forces it into a nearby lake as the flashback ends]''
:'''Sword Knight''': We were just a pair of lousy crooks.
:'''Blade Knight''': Meta Knight ''*mumbling*'' rescued us.
:'''Tiff''': So that's why you follow him.
:'''Tuff''': 'Cause he saved you both.
:'''Sword Knight''': ''[about the weapons hung on the wall of their master's living room]'' Those things on the wall... We used them to rob and steal. Now they remind us of what fools we were before we met Meta Knight.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dedede''': ''[snacking on his latest ten-course meal]'' What's taking them guards so long to track my monster?
:'''Escargoon''': Finish your snack, sire. I'm checking the cameras. ''[sees WolfWrath blowing fire everywhere it goes, even at the cameras]'' Ahh! What's it doing?! ''[sees even more of the castle halls on fire]'' Ah! WolfWrath's a fire dog!
:'''Dedede''': ''[gasps in anger and starts yelling at the N.M.E. Sales Guy]'' What're you trying to pull here?! That monster's barbecuing my whole castle!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Oops! I guess I forgot to mention that. WolfWrath needs to set fires to get the strength for its attacks.
:'''Dedede''': ''[growling with anger, he's finally had enough and he gives an order to the Waddle Dees]'' Throw that WolfWrath outta here!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sword Knight''': Blade. Remember how Meta Knight saved us when WolfWrath cornered us?
:'''Blade Knight''': Hm. Aye. ''[mumbling]''
:''(flashback to when Meta Knight and WolfWrath fell into the nearby lake)''
:'''Sword Knight''': Water is WolfWrath's one weakness.
:'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' Put it out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sword Knight''': Brings back memories, don't it, Blade?
:'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]''
:''[last flashback of the episode begins, showing both Sword and Blade kneeling behind Meta Knight]''
:'''Meta Knight''': So. Are you two sure you want to join me?
:'''Blade Knight''': You're ''[mumbling]'' great warrior.
:'''Sword Knight''': We want to make your cause our cause.
:'''Meta Knight''': I will tell you what we must do. We must search for a new warrior... one who will defeat eNeMeE and bring justice to our galaxy.
:'''Sword Knight''': From that moment on, we became Meta Knight's followers.
:'''Blade Knight''': And, ''[mumbling]'' loyal to him.
:''[both Sword Knight and Blade Knight look on proudly at Kirby's triumphant pose with Galaxia as light from the sky shines down on him]''

== [Episode 25] The Flower Plot ([Episode 27] 恋に落ちたウィスピーウッズ) ==
:'''Lovely''': ''(to Whispy Woods)'' But Whispy, these oxygen-breathers can't possibly mean more to you than I do.

== [Episode 26] Labor Daze ([Episode 28] 恐怖のデデデ・ファクトリー) ==
:'''Tiff''': Dedede made us think he was making appliances, but he was really building a giant robot.
:'''Tuff''': That creep! I'd like to tear it apart with my bare hands!

== [Episode 27] The Hot Shot Chef / A Spice Oddysey ([Episode 29] 激辛! ファミレス戦争)==
:'''King Dedede''': Yuck! &lt;big&gt;Yuck!!&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''YUCK!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; This slop ain't fit for a doggone dog! There's gotta be something here that's eatable! ''[takes a bite of a salad, chews for a few seconds then bursts into tears]'' I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
:'''Escargoon''': But Majesty, we've got other choices. Instant noodles, cat food, crunchy liver-and-bacon dog treats, hmm? ''[Dedede looms over him]''
:'''King Dedede''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''I WANT SOMETHIN' TASTY!!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[later, at Restaurant Kawasaki...]''
:'''King Dedede''': Yuck! &lt;big&gt;Yuck!!&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''YUCK!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; THIS TASTES LIKE TRASH!!! Kawasaki, ain't you got nothing digestion-able in this here dump!?
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Sorry, Sire. That's every dish on the menu.
:'''King Dedede''': You ain't no chef, YOU'RE A GARBAGEMAN!!
:'''Escargoon''': Come clean, Kawasaki. All chefs have secret recipes. Don't hold out on us!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I'm not! That's all I have!
:'''King Dedede''': What a loser. Let's get out of here.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': But what about your bill?
:'''King Dedede''': Forget it, pizza-face! ''[throws a pizza at Kawasaki]''
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': ''[tastes the pizza]'' It tastes okay to me...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I need a top-class chef for my new restaurant.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You owning a restaurant is like a termite owning a lumber yard.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Monsieur Goan''': Tornato.
:'''King Dedede''': Tornado?
:'''Escargoon''': Not tornado. Tornato. It's a fancy foreign language, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': I was joking, ya beanhead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I can't even give my food away.
:'''Tuff''': What are you gonna do?
:'''Tiff''': I guess you can always pay people to eat here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': ''[sighs]'' He was my only customer and I turned him into a flamethrower...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': It's done. This dish is so hot, it may burn through the pot. I call it Toxic Atomic Curry. When they get a taste of this, I'll be the hottest chef in town! ''[laughs maniacally]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[gasp]'' You're on fire!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hahahaa-haha! Atomic Curry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Kirby's in trouble!
:'''Tiff''': That monster knows every trick in the book!
:'''Meta Knight''': You mean in the cookbook!
:'''Tiff''': Hey, that's a pretty good one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Laughing]'' Won't be long now, Kirby!
:'''Kirby''': ''[freezes]''
:'''Tiff''': Kirby!
:'''Escargoon''': Relax, you'll feel a lot better when you try a bracing bowl of Kirby sorbet.
:'''King Dedede''': Just chill out, Kirby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Yeah! He's Fire Kirby!
:'''Meta Knight''': No, that's the heartburn from Kawasaki's cooking.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I finally out-spiced Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Alright, what's this all about a punishment?
:'''King Dedede''': If you ask me, it's punishment enough to mangle with the peasants!

== [Episode 28] Hatch Me if You Can ([Episode 30] カービィの謎のタマゴ)==
:'''Chief Bookem''': Hmm. No missing egg reports coming yet. Nobody broke into any nests, lately. I guess Kirby can go back to sittin' on the egg.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Well, they're not gonna be any help. I'm gonna have to crack this egg case myself.

== [Episode 29] Cappy New Year ([Episode 13] ププビレッジ年忘れ花火大会)==
:'''King Dedede''': This new year's gonna be a blast. ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': We can create our own celebration. We can do whatever we want to!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': That monster's a pyrotechnomaniac!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': It's almost midnight! So ten...
:'''Everyone else''': ...nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one... ''[fireworks occur behind Parasol Kirby]'' HAPPY NEW YEAR!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo! ''[waves to everybody as fireworks shaped like the sentence HAPPY NEW YEAR appear behind him]''

== [Episode 30] Abusement Park ([Episode 31] ビバ! デデベガスへようこそ)==
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[about Mike Kirby's singing]'' It's like he's scratching down a chalkboard! I can't take it! I'm sending Kirby back...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': I fear Microphone Kirby may be Kirby's most powerful form!
:'''Tiff''': Now you tell me!

== [Episode 31] Junk Jam ([Episode 33 え〜っ! 宇宙のゴミ捨て場) ==
:'''Tuff''': Kirby, doesn't your stomach ever get tired?

== [Episode 32] The Kirby Derby - Part I ([Episode 35] 栄光のプププグランプリ (前編))==
:'''King Dedede''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''I'M GONNA GET THAT GOOFBALL!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Tuff, I almost got run over! You should stick to a tricycle!

== [Episode 33] The Kirby Derby - Part II ([Episode 36] 栄光のプププグランプリ (後編)) ==
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': You and I were married forty years ago today. That's why I wanted to win so badly!

== [Episode 34] A Recipe for Disaster ([Episode 34] 究極鉄人、コックオオサカ)==
:'''King Dedede''': I paid Nightmare Enterprises a heap o' money so they can send me a heap o' popcorn?

== [Episode 35] Watermelon Felon ([Episode 37] お昼のデデデワイドをつぶせ!)==
:'''Meta Knight''': Sometimes the pen is mightier than the sword.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Well, you got a problem with me, pinky?
:'''Kirby''': ''[Barfs out the newspapers and the newspapers flood the castle]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[in reaction to King Dedede uploading the millions of newspapers that Kirby flooded his entire castle with to Nightmare's Fortress]'' HEY! What do you think you're doing?!
:'''King Dedede''': There's a lot more where that came from. Nobody wants these newspapers anymore, so I gotta put 'em somewhere.

== [Episode 36] Escar-Gone ([Episode 39] 忘却のエスカルゴン) ==
:'''Meta Knight''': Tiff. Have you ever met that snail before?
:'''Tiff''': Never. I was just being nice to him because he seemed so upset.
:'''Meta Knight''': Hmmm. We've never met, but somehow he knew both of our names.
:'''Tiff''': I think the guy's missing a few marbles.
:'''Meta Knight''': Maybe so. We'd better keep an eye on him in case his condition worsens.
:'''Tiff''': I wonder if his name really is Escargoon...
:'''Escargoon''': ''[having overheard Tiff &amp; Meta Knight's conversation and realizing they've forgotten him as well]'' Oh, mercy! This is the darkest day of my life! ''[runs away crying]''

== [Episode 37] Monster Management ([Episode 40] 魔獣ハンターナックルジョー!)==
:'''King Dedede''': Ahh, ''[chuckles]'' Ain't nothin' like starting the day off with bubblin' bath!
:'''Escargoon''': It's great to be king.
:'''King Dedede''': Mmm-hm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Our new management director suggested that we give you a hands-on demonstration. I believe you've met. Say hello, Joe.
:'''Knuckle Joe''': ''[turns around smiling while donning his new business suit]'' That's Knuckle Joe!
:''[King Dedede &amp; Escargoon's jaws drop in a huge state of surprise]''
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Nice to see you again, tubby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': Hey! Quit pluckin' my plumage, bub!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Knuckle Joe ain't qualified to work for N.M.E.!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': But Joe! I thought you wanted to battle on the side of the good guys!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': What a mess. It's gonna be monster mayhem! Well, I sure hope Kirby took his vitamins today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[several Mini-Monsters rampage throughout Cappy Town, causing as much trouble as they want and wrecking as many things as they can find]''
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Ah! Knock it off, you lowlifes, or at least order something!
:'''Tuggle''': Yo! No piggin' out at my place without payin'!
:''[Knuckle Joe watches the chaos unfold in Cappy Town from a rooftop]''
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Perfect. Just like I planned.
:''[pan to more trouble caused in Cappy Town by the Mini-Monsters]''
:'''Prof. Curio''': Ah! That urn's an antique you uncultured brute!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': You are putting the planet in danger!
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Just trying to keep my bosses happy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Oh, that Knuckle Joe! Why did he make all this trouble?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Masher is a real heavyweight.
:'''Tiff''': ''[Replying to Meta Knight about Masher being a real heavyweight]'' You said it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Knuckle Joe leaps down, tosses away his business suit, and charges in to join in Masher's beatdown of Kirby]''
:'''Tiff''': Knuckle Joe! ''[starts shedding tears]'' Please don't do it.
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Get ready, Kirby. Your time is up! Vulcan Jab, Vulcan Jab, Vulcan Jab! ''(starts pounding on Kirby as well)''
:'''Tiff''': Poor Kirby.
:'''Tuff''': One bad guy was enough. How can Kirby win two against one?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[in reaction to Knuckle Joe's sudden betrayal against Masher]'' Hey! You was supposed to clobber Kirby, not mess with Masher!
:'''Knuckle Joe''': I tricked ya!
:''[everyone reacts in surprise]''
:'''Knuckle Joe''': It took a long time to plan, but it was worth it. I'm a monster hunter now, and I wanted to bag one of the big ones. That meant going after Masher!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Hmmm. So you hunted down Masher... with a suit and tie?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dedede''': That's De-de-devious! ''[laughing]''
:'''Escargoon''': What are you laughing at? Knuckle Joe just made you look like a knucklehead.
:'''Dedede''': AAAAH! You two-timer! Nobody monkeys with Triple D!
:'''Knuckle Joe''': Sorry, tubby. Too late!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I must take full responsibility, sir. It seems I fell for Joe's trick and...
:'''eNeMeE''': Forget it! Let the fools think they've beaten us. When they let their guard down, we'll teach them a lethal lesson. ''[laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': You were like a double agent, Joe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Hunting down monsters throughout the universe... Joe, your father would be proud.

== [Episode 38] Prediction Predicament - Part I ([Episode 41] メーベルの大予言! (前編)) ==
:'''King Dedede''': Eh, What Happened?
:'''Escargoon''': You were sleepwalking, that's what happened! Or should I say you were sleepwhacking!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[screams]'' Kirbeh's after me again! ''[runs away]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[runs towards King Dedede]'' Poyo!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[runs faster]'' You keep dem fangs away from me, pinkeh!
:'''Kirby''': ''[runs faster]'' Payo, yayo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mabel''': The monster that has been haunting you is your conscience, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': What's a conscience?
:'''Mabel''': It is the goodness that lies in the deepest part of you.
:'''Escargoon''': Oh please. The only thing lying in the deepest part of him is a fried cheese log.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Wonder what Dedede's up to?
:'''Tiff''': Based on past experience, I think it's safe to say it's something stupid.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': [about Phantom Star Gerath] Thousand years away, hmm? I don't know about our little friends, but I for one am feeling kind of impatient. What do you say we speed up the process just a little bit?
:'''Nightmare''': What a wonderful idea. ''[laughs evilly]''

== [Episode 39] Prediction Predicament - Part II ([Episode 42] メーベルの大予言! (後編)) ==
:'''Meta Knight''': Mice will always scamper away from a ship before it sinks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': Kirby... Any moment now we'll be dust in the wind. We've always been the best of buddies, huh, Kirby? Huh? Kirby? KIRBY!! Listen when I'm talkin' to ya!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': You did it! You lovable lug, you! You finally listened to your heart for once!

== [Episode 40] Sheepwrecked ([Episode 43] ヒツジたちの反逆)==
:'''Amon''': The time has come! We must defeat our oppressors. Our natural meekness has been mistaken for weakness, but from this day forward, we will not behave like simpering sheep, but like ravenous wolves. Throughout history, we have been dominated by fear. But now our oppressors will learn to fear us!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flocks of angry sheep rampage throughout Cappy Town, eating as much food as they can find while also wrecking as many antiques as possible]''
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I knew sheep liked grass, but who knew they liked my food?
:'''Prof. Curio''': Oh, you can't go tearing up my shop like a pack of wolves!
:'''Tuggle''': Hey, you're getting wool all over my merchandise there.
:'''Amon''': You have done well. Dream Land is now at our mercy, but we will show no mercy. We will conquer this planet, my friends... and soon, the entire universe! ''[he and the other sheep howl triumphantly in unison]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Amon''': Now you Cappies are the shuddering sheep, and the wicked wolves are in charge.
:'''Cappy''': Alright, what do you want us to do?
:'''Amon''': All of you, BAA!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Baa, Baa?
:'''Prof. Curio''': Baa, Baa...
:'''Amon''': I said, all of you! I command you! BAA!!!!!
:''[The Cappies and Waddle Dees Baa like sheep]''
:'''Amon''': Louder, or the wolves will get angry.
:''[The Cappies and Waddle Dees Baa even louder]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Amon''': I command you. BAA! Or you will suffer the consequences! Those who disobey me will face the chopping block!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Amon''': These cowards don't deserve their freedom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Amon''': There must be others like me. Others who yearn for freedom. I will seek them out, and perhaps one day I will lead a new flock.

== [Episode 41] War of the Woods ([Episode 44] ウィスピーウッズの友アコル)==
:'''Whispy Woods''': ''[about Acore]'' I can't be certain. He's been around for 800 years. There are many perils at such a great age.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': TUFF! 
:'''Tuff''': Ah! Hey Tiff, what's wrong? How come you look so mad?
:'''Tiff''': You know why! You were fighting!
:'''Iro''': We were just helping this old tree.
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, Whispy Woods asked us to.
:'''Tiff''': Oh really so Whispy Woods asked you to kick out those animals?
:'''Tuff''': Well, not exactly...
:'''Tiff''': Of course not. Because those animals helped that tree by living in it!
:'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead And Honey''': Huh!?
:'''Kirby''': Poyo?
:'''Coo''': Acore provides us with a place to stay. And in exchange, we harm those insects and enrich the soil.
:'''Tiff''': That's right. Kicking them out was a mistake!
:'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead And Honey''': [Sadly] Aw...
:'''Tuff''': We were only trying to help...
:'''Tokkori''': Well, ya didn't. Thanks to you that tree's even worse off than before!
:'''Coo''': You helped them too, Tokkori.
:'''Tokkori''': Yeah, I forgot that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Save the tears for your golf score, Sire.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon!
:'''Escargoon''': Your majesty! Come back!
:'''King Dedede''': We've been De-De-Divided!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Please don't fall, Acore!
:'''Tokkori''': It's too much! We can't hold 'im!
:'''Tiff''': Yes we can, just push!
:'''Coo''': We can't give up!
:'''Rick''': We can't let our friend come crashin' to the ground, mates!
:''[meanwhile, King Dedede and Escargoon are watching Kirby and co.'s valiant efforts to keep Acore standing from atop a nearby cliff]''
:'''King Dedede''': Heh heh heh heh heh. Them do-gooders think we gave up!
:'''Escargoon''': They're always overestimating our common sense. ''[has the Grasshopper Eavesdropper detonate near a nearby waterfall, causing a flood in one final attempt to destroy Acore]''

== [Episode 42] Pink-Collar Blues ([Episode 47] 帰れ、愛しのワドルディ)==
:'''Escargoon''': Believe me, it'll be cheaper than your hospital bill if you have to eat my cooking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Don't Eat It!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! Let's play some putt-putt!
:'''Escargoon''': I don't have time to watch you cheat at miniature golf. My entire life savings are in jeopardy!
:'''King Dedede''': Whadda ya mean I cheat?
:'''Escargoon''': Oops.
:'''King Dedede''': I ain't never cheated at miniature golf!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirby''': Poooyooooo! Poyo! ''[laughs cutely]'' Poyo! Poy!

== [Episode 43] Tourist Trap ([Episode 48] プププランド観光ツアー) ==
:'''Tiff''': Kabu here is not only extremely ancient, but he's also the wisest-- ''[notices the tourists throwing coins into Kabu's insides and gasps]'' Hey, no throwing coins!
:''[the tourists continue to throw coins into Kabu anyway]''
:'''King Dedede''': Let them folks toss away. It's free money.
:''[the tourists start painting graffiti all over Kabu]''
:'''Tuff''': Tiff, look what they're doin'! ''(Tiff notices what the tourists are now doing to Kabu)'' Knock it off!
:'''Tiff''': Kabu's one of the greatest treasures in Dream Land!
:''[the tourists bicker back at her in a foreign language]''
:'''Waddle Doo''': Chill out. We do this every place we visit.
:'''Tiff''': How rude!
:'''Escargoon''': Ah, who cares? It's just a talking tiki. Let's move it!
:''[King Dedede laughing]''
:''[the tourists prepare to leave for their next destination]''
:'''Tiff''': I'm sorry, Kabu. We'll come back and clean you up.
:'''Kabu''': I could use some moisturizer too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waddle Doo''': ''[to the tourists, pointing to his flask of ice]'' Shibi ton pa, ha ta sai Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': As far as tourism goes, Sire, here's my opinion. You might as well rename Dream Land &quot;Snoozeville&quot;!
:'''King Dedede''': Well, as far as I'm concerned, them tourists can take a hike!

== [Episode 44] A Novel Approach ([Episode 38] 読むぞい! 驚異のミリオンセラー)==
:'''King Dedede''': Somebody stole all the pictures out of this here book! It's all gobbledygook here.
:'''Escargoon''': They're words.
:''[Beat]''
:'''Escargoon''': Arghh! You rule a Kingdom and you don't even know how to read?
:''[Beat]''
:'''King Dedede''': Course I know how to read, you dummy! I learned how to before I got expelled from kindergarten!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Give me that book! I'm only up to chapter 2!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': They must be under a spell. Knock it off, King Dedede is using this game to hurt Kirby!
:'''Rowlin [Fake]''': It's too late Tiff, you can't break my spell. ''[evily laughs]''
:'''Rowlin''': You imposter! How dare you be me.
:'''Tiff''': So then you're the real author?
:'''Rowlin''': You've been hoodwinked by her. She didn't create Pappy Pottey!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rowlin''': No matter how sad we feel or how bad our circumstances, we can use our imaginations to dream something better. We should never give up on our dreams because they're what build our tomorrows!

== [Episode 45] Snack Attack - Part I ([Episode 52] 悪魔のチョコカプセル! (前編)) ==
:'''King Dedede''': I want all them candies with mini-figures in this here store!
:'''Tuggle''': Every single one of 'em?
:'''Gengu''': I don't know.
:'''King Dedede''': Perhaps this'll persuade ya. ''[laughs as he places blocks of money at Tuggle &amp; Gengu's counter to their delight]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Hmm... So they think my mini figure will be popular. Hmm... I like that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bookem''': ''(to Dedede)'' I'm sorry, Your Highness, but I gotta do my duty. Next time you wanna steal, just raise our taxes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I felt like a zoo animal sitting in that jail cell.
:'''Escargoon''': No self-respecting zoo would take you.

== [Episode 46] Snack Attack - Part II ([Episode 53] 悪魔のチョコカプセル! (後編)) ==
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You've got to think creatively, D. The monsters were designed to look like toys, so they could play around with their enemies.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Can't tell a crook by its blubber!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': This is perfect.
:'''Tiff''': What're you talking about?
:'''Tuff''': It's over. Kirby's gonna lose the match.
:'''Meta Knight''': In order to mature, Kirby must be pushed to his utmost limits. Only then will he learn to exceed them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Uh oh. Kirby's gonna get pulverized.
:'''Tiff''': That wrestler's too big.
:'''Meta Knight''': Every opponent has a weakness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''*laughs*'' I tried to sell you more fighting monsters, but you decided to pinch your pennies. Now you're stuck with the junk, Big D.
:'''King Dedede''': I'll never collect nothin' again!

== [Episode 47] Cartoon Buffoon ([Episode 49] アニメ新番組星のデデデ) ==
:'''King Dedede''': Do y'all know how to tell a story? Do y'all know how to draw 'til your fingers fall off? Do y'all know how to color inside the lines? Then we want YOU! ''[Laughs]'' I'm the most important person in this whole jointhouse! Heck, I'm the producer!
:'''Spikehead''': A producer? What does a producer do?
:'''Iro''': A producer doesn't do anything.
:'''Escargoon''': Hmmmm, they gotcha there, Majesty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Cappies present their poorly-drawn pictures of Dedede Man]''
:'''Mayor Len''': I think I've really captured you, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[tears the drawing out of Len's hand]'' I oughtta capture you!
:'''Iro''': What do you think, Your Majesty?
:'''King Dedede''': ''[tears the drawing out of Iro's hand]'' I think it stinks!
:'''Tuggle''': Pretty good, huh?
:'''King Dedede''': ''[tears the drawing out of Tuggle's hand]'' Pretty awful!
:'''Melman''': I slimmed you down a bit.
:'''King Dedede''': ''(yells as he tears the drawing out of Melman's hand]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': All you lazy louts better be workin'!
:'''Chief Bookem''': Lazy?!
:'''Mayor Len''': With all due respect, we're working as hard as we can.
:'''King Dedede''': If you don't get crackin', I'm gonna have to give you all a whackin'!
:'''Escargoon''': ''[Grunts]'' We'd better air what we just have.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the altered opening of King Dedede's new show starts playing''
:'''King Dedede''': ''[singing to the opening]'' Dedede! That's the name you should know! Dedede! He's the king of the show! You'll holler and hoot, he'll give Kirby the boot! Dedede's the one!
:'''Tiff''': ''[reacting to the new show's altered opening]'' Hey! Kirby's supposed to be the star!
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, now it's about Dedede.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Okay, guys. Get ready.
:'''Tuff''': Our lines are coming up.
:'''Meta Knight''': Tiff, I am nervous. I have never... acted before.
:'''Tiff''': Don't worry. You'll do great.
:'''Meta Knight''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Hehehe I AM A SUPAHSTAR WARRIAH heh.
:'''Tiff''': &quot;Dedede Saves the Day&quot;? Hey, wait! Where'd that title come from?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': That cheat! Dedede made Kirby look like the bad guy!
:'''Tuff''': He must've switched stuff around while we weren't looking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Good morning, Majesty.
:'''Dedede''': Well, if it ain't my faithful servant, Escargoon!
:'''Escargoon''': My, aren't you looking fit as a fiddle!
:'''Dedede''': You're downright spiffy yourself.
:'''Escargoon''': Have you seen Kirby today, Majesty?
:'''Dedede''': He don't scare me none!
:'''Tiff''': Those two changed my script so they look like heroes! ''[Growls]''
:'''Tuff''': If Dedede and Escargoon are heroes, this sure isn't a reality show.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': We're right behind you majesty. You're a hero to us all!
:'''King Dedede''': Oh come now. Little ol' me a hero? Surely you jestin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Look! It is Fire Dedede, our Hero! ''[to You]'' I would never say that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Look at that charisma!
:'''Escargoon''': Majesty, we're gonna have to ad-lib this part, we never wrote the last two pages of the script!
:'''King Dedede''': Ad-lib? YOU COULDN'T TELL ME THIS BEFORE, YOU SCATTERBRAINED ''[As he hits Escargoon with his mallet]'' SLUG?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Sigh]'' All this animation's giving me palpitation!
:'''Escargoon''': I'll never direct another cartoon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Hey, this is great!
:'''Tiff''': It's one of those shows that's so bad it's good!

== [Episode 48] Don't Bank on It ([Episode 50] 貯めるぞい! のろいの貯金箱) ==
:'''King Dedede''': Time for me to work on my hypno-doot-dooey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''(speaking through the Dedede Dolls)'' Dedede... You like me... Dedede... You trust me...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Have you ever wondered how all that money got there in the first place?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Sleep tight. You gonna be in for a rude awakening.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Dedede is tired. I ain't gettin' no rest. If I can't sleep, then neither can you fools! WAKE UP! ''[starts psychically using his Dedede Dolls to pummel the residents of Cappy Town, laughing all the while, except for Tiff, who already locked up her own doll inside one of her drawers before going to sleep]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': That's one dangerous doll. Last night, it stomped me without any warning. Kick that thing out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Hey! Quit strangling me!
:'''Escargoon''': I'm only trying to prevent something terrible from happening to you, Sire!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': We're broke. We're right back where we've started, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': I can't afford to buy no more monsters. ''[cries]'' But I still got one doll left so's I can get my revenge!
:'''Escargoon''': I dunno. Playing with dolls can be hazardous to your health.
:'''King Dedede''': That don't matter none to me so long as I get that Kirby! ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Now that's embarrassing.
:'''Escargoon''': Honey, you don't know the meaning of embarrassing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': Turn into Doll Kirby!
:''[Kirby jumps up in an attempt to transform and gain the ability of the Dedede Doll he just inhaled, but falls back down, unable to gain any ability]''
:'''Tokkori''': Figures. Guess you don't have enough brains to be a doll.

== [Episode 49] Kirby Takes the Cake ([Episode 51] センチメンタル・カービィ) ==
:'''Tuff''': Hah! This is fun. I bet Kirby doesn't know a thing about his surprise party.
:'''Tiff''': Probably. He hardly knows anything.
:'''Tuff, Spikehead, Iro, &amp; Honey''': That's true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Len''': Kirby, I didn't see you there! This is no place for you, I'm afraid.
:'''Prof. Curio''': That's right. We're busy, so, uh... Run along.
:'''Mayor Len''': Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. ''[Kirby begins to leave]'' Bye bye, Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bookem''': Oh! Sorry, Kirby. Lots to do today. Gotta apprehend a couple of donuts!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': That there's a weapon of mass Dedede-struction.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': You saw it! This whole town's revoltin'!
:'''Escargoon''': You said it!
:'''King Dedede''': They lookin' to dispossess me and tarnish the reputation of the Dedede Dynasty! Them ungrateful ingrates!
:'''Escargoon''': After all you've done to them!
:'''King Dedede''': ''*growls*'' I'll stamp out them double-crossers! How can them Cappies Dedede-throne ME?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': I saw this coming. After all, a ruler like you is loud, mean, nasty, sneaky, self-centered... ''(King Dedede angrily flattens him)'' ''(weakly)'' ...did I mention violent...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey there, Triple D. What up?
:'''King Dedede''': I'll tell you what's up. I need you to send me your most powerful monster!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Our most powerful monster? Sounds urgent.
:'''King Dedede''': You bet it's urgent! I'm about to become the victim of a Cappy-comb!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I think I've got one for you, but I should warn ya. He's a bit of a slippery character.
:'''King Dedede''': Whadda ya mean?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You see, he has trouble distinguishing between friend and foe. Poor little fella gets confused sometimes. I'd wanna handle this one with care, Big D!
:'''King Dedede''': You send it over and we'll handle it real good!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': What's that? Nobody wants to play with ya? ''[bursts out laughing about what Kirby told him]'' Nobody wants to play with ya, 'cause nobody likes ya!
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked by what Tokkori just said to him]'' POYO?!
:'''Tokkori''': Ever since you got here, you've been a pink pain in the neck. As usual, I'm the only one around here with the guts to tell you the truth! Everybody says that Kirby is nothin' but trouble. If I was you, I'd fly the coop cause you ain't welcome here, Sonny! ''[Kirby starts packing up]'' With you outta the way, things would finally get back to normal, and I could take over this cottage permanent. Booooy, wouldn't that be the day? ''[notices that Kirby's gone]'' Huh? Kirby? Where'd that boy go?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kabu''': Wait! Do not go. You are troubled, my friend, and your heart is full of sorrow. One year has passed since you came to Dream Land.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': Ah! There ya are! Hey, next time you run away, tell me where you're goin', would ya? I've been lookin' high and low for ya. Yer girlfriend's plenty steamed at me cause a' you. Come on! Get movin'! Everybody in Cappy Town's goin' crazy worryin', so come on back home!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': A whole year has passed. How quickly time flies.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': I'm sorry, Kirby. We didn't play with you because we didn't want to ruin the surprise for you. We wouldn't want to hurt you for anything, Kirby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': They really outdid themselves there. I've heard of pretty girls poppin' outta cakes, but this is even better!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': That's new.
:'''Tuff''': What mode is that, Meta Knight?
:'''Meta Knight''': He is now Bomb Kirby.
:'''Tiff &amp; Tuff''': Bomb Kirby?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': You have indeed grown in many ways this year. I cannot wait to see what changes next year brings.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Happy first anniversary, Kirby. We're all very happy that you came to Dream Land. Kirby, we love you.

== [Episode 50] Air-Ride-in-Style - Part I ([Episode 96] ワープスターの危機! (前編)) ==
:'''King Dedede''': I've been real patient with you, but I want me a monster that can whup Kirby now!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I understand your disappointment, Big D, but I've been sending you top-of-the-line monsters all along.
:'''King Dedede''': Well the bottom line is, them lamos was losers!
:'''Escargoon''': That's right! His majesty may be a big fat meathead, but how many half-baked freakazoids are you gonna send me?!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[bops Escargoon]'' I'll do the complaining here.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Maybe you've been going about stopping Kirby the wrong way. Have you ever thought about-
:'''King Dedede''': I ain't interested in thinking! I know everything there is to know about catching Kirby already.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I was only going to remind your fly-ness about Kirby's secret weapon.
:'''King Dedede''': Say what?
:'''Escargoon''': Secret weapon?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' I'm referring of course to Kirby's shining star; the Warp Star.
:'''King Dedede''': The Warp Star?
:'''Escargoon''': That's what that Tiff always calls out.
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah. The big ol' thing comes flying to rescue Kirby.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs again]'' See what a little thing he can do... ''[Dedede pelts his monitor with an egg, surprising him]''
:'''King Dedede''': Just kill the dip-strip and get to the point.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': As I was about to say, Sire, if Kirby didn't have the Warp Star to come to his rescue, Kirby would be easy to get rid of.
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, that's it! If we can stop the Warp Star, we can stop Kirby! Hah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sir Ebrum''': Good day, Your Majesty.
:'''Lady Like''': You most certainly startled us.
:'''Tiff''': You better not be here for Kirby.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' We're not here for the little pod.
:'''King Dedede''': We here for the big mouth!
:'''Tiff''': Huh? ''[The limousine use a grab nabber to nab her]''
:'''Tuff''': You can't do that!
:'''Lady Like''': Tiff, no!
:''[Dedede and Escargoon stuff Tiff into their limo and drive away with her, they laughing]''
:'''Tuff''': ''[chases Dedede's limousine alongside Kirby, Fololo &amp; Falala]'' COME BACK!
:'''Fololo''': HEY!
:'''Tuff''': '''YOU DIRTY CROOK!!!'''
:'''Sir Ebrum''': How dare he! That blaggard has kidnapped our daughter!
:'''Lady Like''': We have to get her back somehow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the dungeon]''
:'''King Dedede''': Lookie here, girly. you can have yourself all of these sweety cakes and creamy puffs confidence and yo kingly ol' friend Dedede.
:'''Escargoon''': That's right, I'll you gotta do is cooperate. Here, have a cupcake.
:'''Tiff''': I wouldn't touch your cruddy cupcake. Now you better untie me and let me go right now. RIGHT NOW!
:'''Escargoon''': Oh, we'll let you go soon enough.
:'''King Dedede''': Just say the magic words!
:'''Tiff''': What magic words?
:'''Escargoon''': the one you say it whenever that pesky pinky in the pickle.
:'''Both''': Kabu.
:'''King Dedede''': Warp Star!
:''[Both laughing]''
:'''King Dedede''': Now all you gotta do is say it. And if you don't say it, we gonna keep you tied up not too tight till you do, got it?
:'''Tiff''': Hmph.
:'''Escargoon''': Yeah! Tell us where he's hidin' that Warp Star!
:'''Tiff''': I'm not gotta tell you and you two anything.
:'''Tuff''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, Tiff!
:'''All''': Huh?
:'''Tuff''': Let's go!
:'''Tiff''': What are you doing here?
:'''Escargoon''': Look, it's the little brother to the rescue. Ain't that nauseating?
:'''King Dedede''': Get lost. We trying to find out where Kirby's Warp Star's at.
:'''Tuff''': Uh...that's easy. The Warp Star's inside Kabu.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:''[Dedede, Escargoon, and Tiff all react in shock and Tuff, having realized what he just said, covers his mouth, and then Dedede and Escargoon burst out laughing and then run off to Kabu]''
:'''Tuff''': ''[untying Tiff]'' Sorry. It just slipped out.
:'''Tiff''': Some secret keeper. ''[sighs]''
:'''Tuff''': Hurry!
:'''Tiff''': Luckily, we don't have to hurry.
:''[Kirby starts eating the food Dedede and Escargoon had out on the table while interrogating Tiff]''
:'''Tuff''': But what if they find it somehow?
:'''Tiff''': Even if Dedede and Escargoon found the Warp Star, it wouldn't do them any good.
:'''Tuff''': Huh?
:'''Tiff''': Because they don't understand the power of the Warp Star like I do.
:''[Tiff flashes back to the events of Dark and Stormy Knight, where she revealed to Meta Knight that she brought the Warp Star to Kabu to keep it safe and secret, and called upon it to aid Kirby during his fight against Kracko]''
:'''Tuff''': I remember all that, too. But I wanna know where you got the idea to hide the Warp Star inside Kabu.
:'''Tiff''': Well that was easy. I remember the first time I saw it.
:''[Tiff flashes back to when she and Prof. Curio first discovered the Warp Star's pedestal inside Kabu]''
:'''Prof. Curio''': Look! I've never seen that.
:'''Tiff''': ''[narrating]'' It was like it was made for the Warp Star. It had to stay with Kabu.
:''[flashback ends]''
:'''Tuff''': It sure is weird. ''(about the Warp Star's pedestal)'' But the Warp Star fits inside it so perfect, especially since Kabu's been around for millions of years.
:'''Tiff''': Of course it's weird. Everything about Kabu is weird.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Alright Kabu, I'm gonna ask ya one last time. Now is you or is you ain't hiding Kirby's Warp Star? ''(Kabu doesn't respond)''
:'''Escargoon''': Alright, Mr. Frozen Face, now you're gonna get it!
:'''Waddle Doo''': Attack! ''[the Waddle Dees throw their spears at Kabu, but they simply bounce off him without any effect on him]''
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! I want that freaky tiki in jail!
:'''Escargoon''': In jail?
:'''King Dedede''': Waddle Doo! Throw Kabu in the dungeon, you hear?
:'''Waddle Doo''': Dungeon?! But Your Majesty, I don't have the Waddle Dee power. Kabu's too big to move!
:'''King Dedede''': What?
:'''Escargoon''': Believe it or not, he's heavier than you are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[to Meta Knight]'' You're not in charge of the Warp Star. I am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' The Wimp Star's high-tailin' it home to Kabu.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Home to Kabu? What do you mean?
:'''Escargoon''': Kabu's been hiding the Warp Star. Get with the program, pal!
:'''King Dedede''': Them pals thought they was pretty clever.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This isn't good, D. Better cancel that Kirby farewell party. I'm afraid that Warp Star's gonna be back in tip top shape in no time.
:'''King Dedede and Escargoon''': ''[In horrorified]'' Huh?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Kabu's sort of a hospital for Warp Stars and wounded Star Warriors... Like a big recovery room.
:'''King Dedede &amp; Escargoon''': '''''RECOVERY?!?!?!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Kabu, what are we gonna do? The Warp Star's damaged.
:'''Kabu''': The Warp Star will need time to recover.
:'''Kirby''': ''[sadly]'' Po-poyo, po...
:'''Tiff''': Kirby, Kabu says the Warp Star's tired right now. The only thing we can do is wait for the Warp Star to get better again.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo...

== [Episode 51] Air-Ride-in-Style - Part II ([Episode 97] ワープスターの危機! (後編))==
:'''Escargoon''': ''[after watching the Formula Star Rider's defeat]'' I'd say that guy's a formula for disaster.
:'''King Dedede''': I ain't worried none. We still got three more left here. ''[laughing]'' Kirby just got lucky that time, that's all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's he slurpin' up all that water for?
:'''Escargoon''': Maybe he ate somethin' salty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kirby has defeated the Rocket Star Air Rider]''
:'''Tuff''': Yeah!
:'''Tiff''': They might be faster, but Kirby's way smarter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[after having watched the Winged Star Rider's defeat and angrily growls]'' These Air Riders is a bust. Whatcha givin' me?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hold on there, gents. After all, the show's not over yet, is it?
:'''Escargoon''': No, but it better have an unhappy ending.
:'''King Dedede''': This last one better do the trick or you in trouble here!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You'll see that Shadow Star's the grand finale.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[about the Winged Star]'' Wow, Kirby really knows how to fly that thing!
:'''Meta Knight''': A Star Warrior can fly anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': How'd we get inside Kabu? What happened?
:'''Tuff''': Don't you remember? You and Kirby were flying on the Warp Star and you fell off.
:''[Tiff remembers when a blast from a Destraya chipped off a piece of Kirby's Warp Star and knocked both of them off]''
:'''Tuff''': We were kind of worried. You and Kirby have been knocked out ever since.
:'''Tiff''': But what about the flying fighters that were after Kirby?
:'''Tuff''': What flying fighters?
:'''Tiff''': What do you mean what flying fighters?
:'''Tuff''': There weren't any fighters. We've all been inside waiting for you guys to wake up.
:'''Meta Knight''': Tiff, did you really see them?
:'''Tiff''': I'm telling you, I saw them, Meta Knight. You don't think I'd lie, do you?
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''Kabu''': No, Tiff. It was all a dream. A dream that only you and Kirby dreamt.
:'''Tiff''': I don't understand.
:'''Kabu''': Tiff, I sent you and Kirby that dream. I have learned from others like me that eNeMeE has been stealing Air Ride Machines throughout the universe.
:'''Tiff''': But I still don't understand why you would send that dream to Kirby and me.
:'''Kabu''': Kirby must learn to fly not just Warp Stars, but other battle vehicles as well.
:'''Tiff''': Well you should be proud of him. Kirby flew those things like a pro.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Well, it seems Kirby and his Warp Star aren't invincible after all.
:'''Nightmare''': It's only a matter of time before the Warp Star will be ours for the taking. ''[laughs evilly]''

== [Episode 52] Scare Tactics - Part I ([Episode 45] 真夏の夜のユーレイ! (前編))==
:'''Tiff''': ''[to Kirby]'' It must be real hard to play soccer when you're always mistaken for the ball.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': ''[laughs heartily]'' How's that? You saw an actual ghost?
:'''Chief Bookem''': From the scream she let out, I'd have to say you're right, Mayor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuggle''': What good's being a kid if you don't have nightmares once in a while?

== [Episode 53] Scare Tactics - Part II ([Episode 46] 真夏の夜のユーレイ! (後編))==
:'''Meta Knight''': I sense a dangerous force at work here. It must be eNeMeE.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Uh-oh. Escargoon? Yo! You okay? I done mistook you for a ghost!
:'''Escargoon''': ...How many ghosts take showers?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I was about to rid your kingdom of Kirby once and for all, and you two nearly spoiled it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This little bonehead's a real shocker!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirby''': Zzzzzzzzz....

== [Episode 54] One Crazy Knight ([Episode 54] やりすぎの騎士! キハーノ)==
:'''Sir Gallant''': Greetings, peasants! I am Sir Gallant, and I have been greatly moved by your plight and by the courage that you have shown in the face of such monstrous enslavement. But fear not. The end of your oppression is at hand!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sir Gallant''': ''[to Windwhipper]'' So, we meet again. You bested me last time, but this time I will prevail!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mabel''': It is up to you to fight for justice everywhere.

== [Episode 55] Sweet &amp; Sour Puss ([Episode 55] ある愛のデデデ)==
:''[In the morning, at the Castle]''
:'''Escargoon''': Dedede's a rotten boss to work for. That I can't deny. He yells and screams and criticizes, no matter how I try. I deserve a raise, but the king refuses. All I ever get are bumps and bruises! He's a grouch. He's a grump. But I stay. Maybe I'll be king one day.
:''[King Dedede suddenly looms over Escargoon, but something about the former seems different; he's acting much nicer and more patient than normal]''
:'''King Dedede''': So, I'm a grouch and a grump and a rotten boss, huh?
:'''Escargoon''': ''[Blushes, nervously]'' I wasn't talking about you. It was a different tyrant.
:'''King Dedede''': That's okay.
:'''Escargoon''': Ah! ''[Exclaims]'' Look out! ''[He accidentally dumps the roses with a vase on King Dedede and whimpering. Dedede pull the vase off his head, Escargoon dreaming about to get clobbered by Dedede]'' Please don't clobber me.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Chuckles]'' I sure won't.
:'''Escargoon''': Huh? You mean you're not gonna mash me with your mallet?
:'''King Dedede''': No, I forgive you.
:'''Escargoon''': Huh? You do? I wonder if I still dreaming. ''[thuds and Dedede walks away]'' He's acting like he traded personalities with a teddy bear. Must be a ruse to get my guard down. ''[Dedede returns with a mop]'' I knew it! ''[Dedede cleans up the mess on the floor with the mop]'' Huh? ''[Dedede still cleaning]'' You can't trick me by pretending that you're not angry. I know you're planning to mop the floor with me.
:'''King Dedede''': I ain't angry with you.
:'''Escargoon''': Please don't torture me this way!!
:'''King Dedede''': Let's let bygones be bygones!
:'''Escargoon''': It's hard to believe but, maybe he means it. ''[exclaims in happily]'' Sire!
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[He grabs the mop from Dedede]'' There's no way I'm falling for that gag. You fooled me too many times. ''[He pushes Dedede causing him to accidentally step on a rose thorn and then cause the vase to crash onto his head]'' Oh boy! I'm in for in now!
:'''King Dedede''': Why'd you push me?
:'''Escargoon''': ''[Whimpers]'' I'm sorry!
:'''King Dedede''': That's okay.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[screams in shocked and Dedede luaghs]'' That's it! I give you! Sire, please stop acting like you don't want to get even with me? ''[cries]''
:'''King Dedede''': I just want us to be friends.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[screams in horrified]'' OH NO!!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!! ''[laughs in horrified]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': That Dr. Yabui is full of hooey!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Why can't we all just be friends?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': This hallway needs a traffic light.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Isn't anybody normal around here?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Togeira, inside his head, has just stored enough of his anger and now unleashes it into an explosive flaming rage from within him, causing him to let loose a rage-filled roar to everyone's horror while causing Escargoon whimpering at the same time]'' &lt;big&gt;'''Now it's payback time!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Tuff''': No more Mr. Nice Guy.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo! Po, poy!
:'''Tiff''': He's back to his old self.
:'''Meta Knight''': No, the monster is still controlling him.
:'''King Dedede''': &lt;big&gt;'''Alright Escargoon, who's been beating on me!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[yells in panic, then laughs nervously and afterwards throws Dedede's hammer to Kirby]'' Uh, Kirby!
:'''Kirby''': Poy! ''[Dedede grabs his hammer back from him]'' Po, poyo? Po...
:'''King Dedede''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''WELL NOW I'M GONNA POUND YOU 'TIL YOU'RE FLAT AS A FLAPPYJACK!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Whoa, that monster's super mad!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kirby and friends laugh at each other]''
:'''Kirby''': Poyo, poyo! Poyo, poyo!

== [Episode 56] Dedede's Pet Threat ([Episode 56] わがままペットスカーフィ) ==
:'''King Dedede''': Aww... Ain't my new Scarfy-poos sweet, Escargoonie-goon?
:'''Escargoon''': Yeah, I suppose they're kind of sweet. The kind of sweet that makes you barf.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': What's the matter? Ain't I tasty enough?

== [Episode 57] A Half-Baked Battle ([Episode 57 パイを笑う者はパイに泣くぞい!) ==
:'''Kirby''': Hahahahahahaha! ''[laughs at King Dedede]''
:'''Tokkori''': HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!
:'''Escargoon''': Get a load of that!
:'''Buttercup &amp; Chief Bookem''': HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
:'''Escargoon''': Let's show an instant replay! ''[laughs]''
:'''Prof. Curio''': HOHOHOHAHAHA!!!!!
:'''Escargoon''': Here it is from another angle! ''[laughs]''
:'''Tuggle &amp; Gus''': HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
:'''Escargoon''': ''[Laughs even harder]''
:'''Chef Kawasaki, Gengu &amp; 2 Other Cappies''': HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
:'''Escargoon''': I gotta see this again! Roll it in slow-mo this time! ''[A slow-mo of King Dedede getting hit by the pie is shown on TV, laughs]''
:'''Iro &amp; His Parents''': HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dedede''': I'm through with that chef show! I want some good grub and all I get is a pie in the eye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dedede''': ''[overhears Tiff's family laughing at him getting hit with a pie]'' Hey, what's so funny? ''[the family stops laughing for a few seconds, and then starts laughing again]''
:'''Sir Ebrum''': You're quite the comedian, your majesty!
:'''Tiff''': A cream pie in the face... now that's a classic! ''[She and Sir Ebrum start laughing again while Dedede growls angrily]''
:'''Escargoon''': Slowing down the tape for a moment, we clearly see the stunned expression on the king's face as he is unexpectedly pie-pummeled. ''[laughs at the repeats twice]''
:'''Lady Like''': You also made my family scream many times in the past, your majesty. But now it's screaming with laughter!
:'''Tuff''': It's funnier every time they show it! ''[Dedede growls again before running out of the living room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dedede''': I'm replacing it with a brand new show. It's one of them reality programs... called Pie Justice!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Dedede! Pie throwing isn't just a waste of time. It's also a waste of food! You should be ashamed of yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Here's a little get well present for ya, D-Man! We heard you had a serious case of pie-arrhea!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Now listen up! His Highness is declaring a new law!
:'''King Dedede''': From now on, anybody in this here kingdom who says the word &quot;poyo&quot; is gonna be found guilty of treason!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo?
:'''King Dedede''': AH! Y'all heard that trash-talkin' traitor!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Why don't you suck it up!? ''[tastes the custard]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''UUUUUGGGHHH!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Bellybuster must make his pies in a barber shop. They taste like shaving cream, except worse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Kirby, suck it up!
:'''Kirby''': ''[covers his mouth and shakes his head no]''
:'''Tiff''': ''[gasps]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Not even Kirby could eat anything that bad.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Somebody cooks worse than me! ''[laughs heartily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': I feel... dirty. ''[Sigh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Here comes the custard!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': What's happening?!
:'''Meta Knight''': Bellybuster has swallowed them and they will now be... digested.
:'''Tiff''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''NO!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

== [Episode 58] eNeMeE Elementary ([Episode 58] 魔獣教師でお仕置きよ!)==
:'''Tuff''': ''[Singing]'' When old King Dedede came to town, he got off his throne and his pants fell down.
:'''Spikehead''': ''[Singing]'' He thinks he's a king, but he's really a clown.
:'''Honey''': ''[Singing]'' When Dedede came to town!
:'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead &amp; Honey''': ''[Singing]'' When old King Dedede starts to roar, he never heard anything like it before.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo, Poyo!
:'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead &amp; Honey''': ''[Singing]'' Unless of course, you heard him snore, then Dedede starts to roar! ''[Laughing]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escagoon''': ''[Laughing]'' That's you, sire.
:'''King Dedede''': They're making a monkey out of me!
:'''Escargoon''': Oh, you've got to admit, it is pretty funny, sire. ''(laughing again)'' Huh? ''(sees his own drawing)'' I'll sue those little punks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': How come we have to wear these goofy-looking robes?
:'''King Dedede''': 'Cause I'm the one selling them, that's why!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Must be the spirit of creativitude taking over!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[being possessed by the demon hat]'' Listen up you rowdy bunch of hooligans! ''[To Kirby]'' If you think you can get away with that kind of behavior in my class, [[w:You've Got Another Thing Comin'|You've Got Another Thing Comin'!]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Cries]'' Them ruffians ain't never gonna learn no manners! ''[Cries Again]''

== [Episode 59] The Meal Moocher ([Episode 59] 最強番組, 直撃! 晩ごはん) ==
:'''King Dedede''': ''[He starts to shake and hold the menu in the air, everyone backs away as he tears the menu in half]'' I WANT NEW FOOD AND I WANT IT NOW!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hana''': ''[to Kirby]'' You came just in time! I'm about to serve dinner. Would you like to come join us?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Just look at 'im! That pink pan-handler hustled three dinners out of those Cappies in one night!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sir Ebrum''': ''[about the idea of winning money through a meal]'' That's interesting.
:'''Lady Like''': It would be nice to win that money.
:'''Sir Ebrum''': Oh dear, we're above that sort of thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' Just remember, I like king-sized portions!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buttercup''': Oh, we'll begin with the miso soup! It's from an old Japanese recipe I found. The second course will be sushi! There are twelve different varieties! We also have a medley of spring vegetables - many from outside Dream Land - all steamed to perfection and sprinkled with the special egg soy sauce! Next, comes a new dish I just invented: turkey tempura! There's also a special treat: broiled eel and onions! Those are just the appetizers! Now, for the main course!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[his thinking-voice]'' This is trouble. I gotta stop the king from giving them a five-star rating, or our bank accounts is going belly-up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buttercup''': My crab has been sabotaged! I demand to see an instant replay just before the main course!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[he grabs Escargoon's goatee]'' '''HEY!''' What's the idea torchin' my tongue!?
:'''Escargoon''': Sorry, Sire. But I had to act quick cause you can't afford to pay out any more prize money!
:'''King Dedede''': Let's see how you like you red pepper, You double-dealin' spice sneakin' slug, here!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I done decided that I don't feel like dinin' on crab no more. 'Specially when it's bigger than me. But you can go on ahead and eat it yourself if you want to.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Not even Kirby gets hungry enough to gobble up a giant monster for dinner. ''[laughs with everybody until Kirby gets ready to inhale the crab he just cooked, much to their shock]'' Kirby! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''NOOO!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

== [Episode 60] Crusade for the Blade ([Episode 60] 宝剣ギャラクシア!) ==
:'''King Dedede''': ''[yawns]'' I ain't seen no flyin' saucers here. I just wanna go back to bed!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sirica''': 	Meta Knight!
:''[Meta Knight looks up to see Sirica on a level higher than the one he's standing on]''
:'''Sirica''': It's been a very long time.
:'''Meta Knight''': You speak as though we have met. Have we?
:'''Sirica''': So you don't remember? My mother was the Star Warrior Garlude!
:''[Meta Knight gasps in realization that Sirica is Garlude's daughter, just before Sirica starts opening fire on him and his knights with her machine gun]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Who are you?
:'''Sirica''': My name is Sirica.
:'''Tiff''': Why are you after Meta Knight?
:'''Sirica''': He has something that is very precious to me. His sword: Galaxia.
:'''Tiff''': Galaxia?
:'''Tuff''': You mean Meta Knight's sword has a name?
:'''Kirby''': Poyo?
:'''Tiff''': This is ridiculous! Meta Knight's a great Star Warrior, not a thief like you.
:'''Sirica''': Hmph. Meta Knight inspires great loyalty, for someone so heartless.
:''[Kirby and the kids gasp at what Sirica just said]''
:'''Tuff''': What do you mean?!
:'''Sirica''': Your friend Meta Knight was an enemy of my mother. ''[begins flashback, in her mind]'' It was many many, years ago. My mother Garlude was considered the greatest of all Star Warriors. She and Meta Knight had been chosen among many noble warriors to reclaim the sacred sword, Galaxia, which had been stolen by the evil beast: Kirisakin. They began to battle the great monster. Both were brave and fought valiantly, but in the end, the beast proved too strong for Garlude. Just as she was reclaiming the sword, she was overpowered! Meta Knight stood and watched as my mother lost the battle. He stole the sword and fled, leaving my mother to perish... alone. ''[ends flashback]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': She's a little girl with a big ol' gun and a whole lot of attitude!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Very interesting. Well, if this space girl's as tough as you say she is, then I better send over the &quot;big guy&quot;. ''[sends Kirisakin to King Dedede and Escargoon as it roars and clashes its two scythes over its head]''
:'''King Dedede''': Now that's a monster!	
:'''Escargoon''': Ugh... I think I'm gonna faint.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sirica''': That sword is mine! Now you will pay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sirica''': ''[having heard a familiar lion-esque roar and seen Kirisakin making its way to Kabu]'' This can't be... it's Kirisakin, the great monster.
:'''Meta Knight''': Kirisakin is here to reclaim the Galaxia sword. We must stop it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Galaxia''': ''[after Sirica tries to pry it from the ground a second time]'' My name is Galaxia. Only the most powerful of knights may wield my ancient magic. Meta Knight is the chosen one. Your mother Garlude knew well this truth. ''[begins flashback to how Garlude sacrificed herself to deliver Galaxia to Meta Knight]'' In sacrificing her life, Garlude made the ultimate sacrifice.
:''[Garlude manages to pry Galaxia from its pedestal and throws it to Meta Knight before Kirisakin delivers the killing blow to her from behind. Meta Knight claims Galaxia and leaps at Kirisakin to fight it. End flashback]''
:'''Sirica''': If my mother gave my life for this, I shall too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sirica''': Galaxia... Now I know what a great Star Warrior my mother was to the very end.
:'''Meta Knight''': Sirica. Your mother would have been so proud.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Wow, Meta Knight! She was a great warrior.

== [Episode 61] Fitness Fiend ([Episode 61] 肥惨! スナックジャンキー)==
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Surrounded by potato chip bags]'' Y'know, there's jus' somthin' about sittin' in front o' the TV all day long that gives me the nibblies!
:'''Escargoon''': Just look at this mess! Where do you expect me to put all these soggy sacks?
:'''King Dedede''': This looks like a good place! ''[Shoves an empty bag onto Escargoon's head]''
:'''Escargoon''': You know, you're a real couch potato. You're as big as a couch and you're full of potatoes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': He has fallen, and cannot get up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey, what up, D?
:'''King Dedede''': Zip yer layer!
:'''Escargoon''': Your chips made his majesty a travesty!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': It's not our fault he can't control his appetite! We made those snacks to fatten up Kirby, not you, sire.
:'''King Dedede''': Why'd ya have to go and make 'em so delicious?! Nobody can resist those things! THEY'S TOO DANG TASTY!!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max Flexer''': Treadmills are a lot of fun. You'll survive 'em if you run! Get it going really fast, or this race will be your last!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': If fit is in, I'm out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[after Kirby has transformed into Mike Kirby]'' Oh no! I forgot how terrible Microphone Kirby's singing is!

== [Episode 62] Mabel Turns the Tables ([Episode 62] たかが占いされど占い) ==
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': ''[about Curio's fortune]'' He must have picked the stone! NO!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': I know what you're doing. Samo, you should be ashamed of yourself!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lady Like''': My husband's prime minister!
:'''Escargoon''': Your husband's unemployed, [[w:Blondie (band)|Blondie]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': I suppose the royal golf course is a bust?
:'''Mabel''': You said it, not I.

== [Episode 63] Something to Sneeze At ([Episode 63] 師走のカゼはつらいぞい!)==
:'''Escargoon''': Ah...ah...ah...ah...AH-CHOO!!!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[grunts]'' You sprayed me! Now what was that for!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': HEY, YOU, META KNIGHT! Whadda' you know about all the sneezin' and wheezin' that's goin' round' here?
:'''Meta Knight''': ''[Coughs and Runs off]''
:'''King Dedede''': Even Meta Knight got a cold!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirby''': Ahh..ahh.ahhhh.... CHOO!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I turned myself into an ice cube and I still ain't sick. What am I doing wrong!?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Maybe you're too warm-hearted.

== [Episode 64] The Kirby Quiz ([Episode 64] 新春! カービィ・クイズショー )==
:'''King Dedede''': Here it is! A spankin' new year. Who knows? Maybe this year, I'll turn over a new leaf and treat folks more nice-like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Greetings, and Happy New Year from all your friends at Nightmare Enterprises! I'll be hosting tonight's Kirby Quiz and I just know we're going to have a rockin' good time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Honey''': I think it was Stone Kirby.
:'''Mabel''': I think you are right. ''[presses button]''
:'''Tokkori''': What's the answer?
:'''Tuff''': It was Fire Kirby. ''[presses button]''
:'''Samo''': I don't recall.
:'''Kawasaki''': I'll take a wild guess. ''[presses button, answering &quot;Needle&quot;]''
:'''Tiff''': That's easy. It was Fire Kirby, remember?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pressing button]'' Fire!
:'''Escargoon''': It was Fire Kirby for sure.
:'''King Dedede''': Haha! Stone Kirby! ''[presses button]''
:''[Escargoon gasps]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This tough cookie fought against Kirby only to become a great hero. What was his name?
:'''Mabel and Honey''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]''
:'''Samo and Kawasaki''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]''
:'''Tiff and Kirby''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]''
:'''Tuff and Tokkori''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]''
:'''Escargoon''': Knuckle Joe!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[presses button]'' DEDEDE!
:''[Audience breaks out laughing]''
:'''Escargoon''': I had the right answer!
:'''King Dedede''': Guess my hands must have slipped or something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff and Tokkori''': Spin Kick! ''[Tokkori presses button]''
:'''King Dedede and Escargoon''': Who cares, anyway?
:''[The entire audience breaks out laughing]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Well, it's starting to look like a Happy New Year already.

== [Episode 65] Masher 2.0 ([Episode 65] 逃げてきたナックルジョー) ==
:'''Lady Like''': ''[sees Tuff's soccer ball]'' Tuff, you know better. Take this ball outside.
:'''Tuff''': ''[about the outside storm]'' Out there? ''[cue booming thunder sounds, startling Kirby and the kids]''
:'''Sir Ebrum''': The weather's taken a nasty turn.
:'''Tiff''': I've never seen lightning this bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Knuckle Joe''': I ain't sure how, but Masher's been rebuilt. And now it's out for revenge.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Knuckle Joe''': ''[to Masher 2.0]'' You're a lot stronger than me, that's for sure. But you've sure got a bucket of bolts for a brain! ''[Masher approaches]'' Get ready to rock! ''[punches the rock he's standing on, causing it to shatter]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[to King Dedede]'' Socked by a soccer ball. Your first sports injury!

== [Episode 66] The Chill Factor ([Episode 66] さまよえるペンギー) ==
:'''Pengy''': It is the Pengys' fate to wander far and wide. We are very weary but happy to have stumbled upon your chilly village. We would like to rest here for a while if you will have us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kirby and the kids have found a giant air conditioner that's been spewing cold air into the sky, discovering the source of the second wave of Winter weather in Dream Land]''
:'''Tuff''': Hey Tiff, what is that thing?
:'''Kirby''': Poyo?
:'''Tiff''': Now it all makes sense.
:'''Tuff &amp; Kirby''': Huh?
:'''Tiff''': The Pengy tribe brought this here on purpose, and it's so powerful that it turned our summer into winter.
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, but why?
:'''Kirby''': Poyo...
:''[suddenly, the trio hears a familiar voice. It's Pengy]''
:'''Pengy''': So, it looks as though our young friends have discovered our secret. ''[laughs as the trio turns around to see him and his guards ambush them and surround them with their spears]''
:'''Tiff''': Pengy!
:'''Tuff''': ''[gasps in horror]''
:'''Kirby''': Poyo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pengy''': Your reign is through, King Dede-dumb!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pengy''': More ice. How thoughtful of you, Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirby''': ''[Singing]'' Payao puh poyo pay ya pa poyo poyo payo pay, poyo!

== [Episode 67] The School Scam ([Episode 67] 魔獣教師2) ==
:'''Kirk''': I sure hope our new school's built better than this dump!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Smirk''': There ain't no one to stop us, so we can teach all we want!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirk''': ''[as Tiff enters the classroom]'' What are you doing here?
:'''Dirk''': You got expelled from school.
:'''Smirk''': And we did the expellin'.
:'''Tiff''': I'm taking charge here and you're taking a hike. ''[Kirby, Tuff, and the Cappy kids are surprised]''
:'''Dirk''': You don't count so good for a math teacher.
:'''Kirk''': It's three against one!
:'''Tiff''': True... But I've got one brain and you three bullies haven't gotten any.
:'''Smirk''': Then let's have a toughness test!
:'''Tiff''': That's fine with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Smirk''': You ain't such a bad brawler for a teacher. Too bad I gotta clobber ya.
:'''Tiff''': I hope you like to travel, because I'm gonna send you packing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': YAY!!!
:'''Tokkori''': HOORAY!!!
:'''Kirby''': POYO!!!
:'''Kirby, Tuff, and the Cappy kids''': ''[cheering]''
:'''Tiff''': No!
:''[Kirby, Tuff, and the Cappy kids gasp]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Maybe... but teachers are supposed to solve problems with their heads, not their hands. I wish I could figure out a way to reach even those three guys. To help them see learning's really interesting. When you goof off in school, you could be missing something really great and never even realize it. The most important job of the teacher is to help your students want to learn. It's really sad when you don't succeed. There are so many great things to discover in this world. School gives you the tools that can help you learn. But the most important tool of all is the curiosity inside us. Promise me that you guys will never give up trying to learn new things. Promise! That's... all, I guess.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''MT2''': Here we come, Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Aaah! School's out!
:'''Escargoon''': We failed again!
:'''King Dedede''': There's always next semester!

== [Episode 68] Delivery Dilemma ([Episode 68] 勝ち抜け! デリバリー時代) ==
:'''Tuff''': ''[brings out a nice hot bowl of ramen]'' Here, nice hot noodles.
:'''King Dedede''': Hot... noodles...? ''[steps closer to Tuff, laughing all the while, while quickly recovering from his red eyes of sleeplessness]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''THEY'S FINALLY HERE!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Thanks, kid. ''(takes the bowl of ramen before Dedede can grab it)''
:'''King Dedede''': Huh? ''[sees Escargoon eating the ramen and grabs him]'' You no-good noodle-nabber! ''[swipes the ramen bowl]''
:'''Escargoon''': ''[swipes his ramen bowl back]'' Hands off! I just ordered these for myself.
:'''King Dedede''': What's that?!
:'''Tuff''': That's right. He called 10 minutes ago.
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah? Well I ordered me a big bowl of noodles yesterday. ''[releases Escargoon]'' I thought mine got here first.
:'''Tuff''': Uh oh. I guess Kirby goofed up after all. Uh, be right back with your order! ''[runs off back to Restaurant Kawasaki]''
:'''King Dedede''': ''[angrily growls]'' I should've known it was Kirby, that nasty little pasta poacher! I'm gonna get me my own delivery dude so there ain't no more mess-up!

== [Episode 69] Trick or Trek ([Episode 69] ウィスピーの森のエコツアー)==
:'''Whispy Woods''': I will protect you for as long as I am able.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': We have to make sure they see our smoke signal.
:'''King Dedede''': This oughtta do the trick.
:''[suddenly, the fire they placed bursts into an even bigger one to their surprise, causing the nearby trees to catch fire much to Escargoon's shock]''
:'''Escargoon''': Ah! The whole forest could catch on fire.
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, great idea!
:'''Escargoon''': Huh?
:'''King Dedede''': We gotta clear out Whispy Woods for my golf course and this is the quick, easy way!
:'''Escargoon''': ''[smiles delightfully in response to Dedede's voiced idea]'' Your blazin' new trail, Sire!
:'''King Dedede''': And afterwards, there's gonna be a lotta charcoal 'round a useful barbecuein'!
:'''Escargoon''': Let's go! Before we get cooked... ''[he and Dedede are scared off by the flames, which have now grown bigger and are spreading quickly through the forest, causing a huge forest fire]''

== [Episode 70] Buccaneer Birdy ([Episode 70] トッコリ卿の伝説)==
:'''Tokkori''': So now we know I'm a noble. *chews* Guess I'll live with ya here at the castle, huh? *chews* I don't- *gulps* -mind. *chews* But I warn ya, I can't stand loud snorin' when I'm tryin' to sleep. I bet Blue Boy here snores even louder than Kirby, so ya better keep it quiet or you're gone!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Quit stallin' and hand over Tokkori's treasure now!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo!
:'''Escargoon''': That birdseed brain's out of luck. The king and I are goin' fifty-fifty!
:'''King Dedede''': Fool. I used it all to buy myself more monsters!
:'''Escargoon''': But sire...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': I guess Tokkori will always be Tokkori after all.

== [Episode 71] A Whale of a Tale ([Episode 71] 密着! ホエール・ウォッチング)==
:'''Kine''': SUSHI!?!?
:'''Kirby''': Sushi poyo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': HEY!
:'''Tiff''': What's wrong?
:'''Tuff''': We saw what you're hiding down there. Nets and harpoons and stuff for catching whales!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Poyo!
:'''Tiff''': For catching whales?!
:'''King Dedede''': Aww. Guess we've been found out. Escargoon?
:'''Escargoon''': Aye aye, Sire. ''[presses a button and Dedede's boat reveals its true form as a whaling ship]''
:'''Tiff''': This isn't a tour boat. It's a whaling ship!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' Time to start whaling!

== [Episode 72] Waddle While You Work ([Episode 72] ワドルディ売ります) ==
:'''Tiff''': That's just horrible!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': What is?
:'''Tiff''': Taking advantage of those poor things!
:'''Curio''': Would you all rather they work for Dedede?
:'''Tiff''': Uh, well...
:'''Tuff''': Hey, Tiff, we never thought about that.
:'''Gengu''': After all, it's not as if we don't treat 'em right!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': This is hopeless.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waddle Doo''': Your Highness! Let go of the boy!
:'''Tiff''': He wants Dyna Chick for his dinner!
:'''King Dedede''': That's right, and I ain't givin' up this here bird no way no how!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I'll get you, Kirby! That's the last time you steal my dinner! YOU CHICKEN THIEF!

== [Episode 73] Dedede's Raw Deal ([Episode 73] まわれ! 回転寿司)==
:'''King Dedede''': This grub tastes grubby.
:'''Escargoon''': Ugh. If you eat fast, you won't notice.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Your Majesty, I could use some financial help.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' I bet you want a loan!
:'''Escargoon''': That's an even riskier proposition than eating your food.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Why you? How dare you question His Majesty's integrity!? Why, he's as honest as the day is dark!
:'''Tiff''' &amp; '''Tuff''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': This isn't news, it's a commerci- ''[hiccups and covers her mouth]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': This sushi monster's gonna clobber Kirby!
:'''Escargoon''': Yeah. It sure is well-armed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Kirby, listen up! ''[Kirby hiccups]'' If you don't get rid of those hiccups, you'll never be able to eat again!
:'''Kirby''': ''[Freaking Out]'' POYO!!!!! ''[Jumps and spins around to freshen up and his hiccups are gone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Look, sire. it's raining calamari!
:'''King Dedede''': Great. I'm bankrupted in all I got is a lifetime supply of squid.
:'''Escargoon''': We're broke now. What do we do?
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': That's easy. We can use this with to make sushi. Right?
:''[Dedede and Escargoon crying]''

== [Episode 74] Caterpillar Thriller ([Episode 74] モスガバーの逆襲!) ==
:'''Escargoon''': Get it, Kirby! I can't take these sinus allergies anymore. ''[sneezes]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Island Sisters''': Mosugaba truly wants to live in peace. It is only attacking to set us free. But we can sing to Mosugaba to calm him down.

== [Episode 75] Fossil Fools - Part I ([Episode 75] 夢の恐竜天国! (前編)) ==
:'''King Dedede''': WHERE ALL THE DINOSAURS AT?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[reading Dedede's book about dinosaurs]'' Lots of folks say that dinosaurs is extunct, but I say the proof is in the pictures.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[screams]'' Look at that thing!
:'''King Dedede''': Looks kinda familiar!

== [Episode 76] Fossil Fools - Part II ([Episode 76] 夢の恐竜天国! (後編))==
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Escarsaurus sure is a dino wimp, I'd say.
:'''Escargoon''': Give him all you've got, Escarsaurus! Tackle that tub of lard!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buttercup''': ''[to Chief Bookem]'' That dinosaur has your face!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mabel''': Something about that dinosaur looks familiar.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mabel''': Have I gone mad, Samo, or did those dinosaurs look just like you and me?
:'''Samo''': They did indeed. But I must admit, I find you much prettier.
:'''Mabel''': I hope so.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': That dinosaur looks just like me!
:'''Tuff''': She even has your personality!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kirby''': Yaaaiie suikaa poyoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doctor Moro''': It would be foolish to destroy my laboratory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey, he looks just like me!
:'''Tuff''': It's a Kawasakisaurus!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doctor Moro''': Thanks to your invaluable tip, Tiff, I have achieved what I believe to be my greatest creation. By using Star Warrior DNA, I have created the ULTIMATE MONSTER!! ''[evilly laughs and turns into a monster]''

== [Episode 77] Dedede's Monsterpiece ([Episode 77] ロイヤルアカデデデミー) ==
:'''King Dedede''': ''[points to a huge, cross-eyed version of himself]'' Right here, that's me. Since I'm what you'd call the star of this here paintin', I'm smack-dab in the middle! You'll note the perspecticles, and I put a big old impressionistic Sun ''[a red circle with lines coming off it]'' up there, see? ''[Points to his small castle, and a huge misshapen-looking Escargoon next to it]'' Right there is my castle, and right next to it is Escargoon. Note the lack of depth. ''[points to an awkwardly-angled version of Mayor Len Blustergas with noodle arms and two giant angry Pac-Man-like sheep behind him]'' This here's the Mayor being chased by his sheep. ''[points to a misshapen Kirby in the corner of the painting]'' And this here's Kirby. He's being chased by me! See, I drawed him all lumpy to express his inner lumpiness!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily hopping up and down]'' POYO! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''POYOOOO!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

== [Episode 78] Right Hand Robot ([Episode 78] 発進! エスカルゴン・ロボ) ==
:'''King Dedede''': You must be cleaning this castle with your eye-shut. It's filthy! ''[He blows the dust at Escargoon]''
:'''Escargoon''': ''[coughing]'' I dust this dump every day! I can't be a full-time housekeeper and a full-time lackey.
:'''King Dedede''': Well, you better find a way you out of here.
:'''Escargoon''': But sire, I need this rotten job.
:'''King Dedede''': It's time for my massage.
:''[Escargoon massaging Dedede on a back, grunting]''
:'''King Dedede''': Quit wimpin' out. Pull a little muscle into.
:'''Escargoon''': How's this?
:'''King Dedede''': LOUSY! This is how you give a massage!
:'''Escargoon''': ''[screaming as Dedede stretching his arms ]'' Uncle! ''[thuds]'' That wasn't too relaxing.
:'''King Dedede''': Guess I'll have to pull harder next time. ''[laying down on a beach lounge chair]'' Fetch me a toothpick and my monster catalogue.
:''[Escargoon scowls]''
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Being serious]'' What you waiting for!?
:'''Escargoon''': Sorry, Sire. ''[He scurried]''
:'''King Dedede''': My monster catalogue.
:'''Escargoon''': Ugh. I've forgot. ''[He scurried again]''
:'''King Dedede''': Magnifying glasses.
:'''Escargoon''': Sorry, Sire. ''[He scurried once again]'' Here.
:'''King Dedede''': I want me a cup of tea. 
:'''Escargoon''': ''[He scurried again once more]'' Yes, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': Too cold.
:'''Escargoon''': Right. ''[He keep scurried]''
:'''King Dedede''': Too hot.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[He scurried slowly, panting]'' The king's running me ragged here. I wish he'd give me sometime off to take a trip. ''[He tripped on a carpet as the cup of tea spilled on his head, screamed in pain]'' Hotty! Hotty! Hotty! Hotty!
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon!
:'''Escargoon''': His Highness does care about me. Oh, Si..''[Getting hitted by Dedede's mallet]''
:'''King Dedede''': You spilled tea on my carpet!
:'''Escargoon''': But Sire, I'm bound to make mistakes when you overwork me and don't give me a break.
:'''King Dedede''': Well if you fooled up again I'll give you plenty of breaks from head to toe.
:'''Escargoon''': Hmph! You snail-driver! I'm tired of being harassed, tired of being insulted, and tired of being tired!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! This your pea-brained idea of a joke?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escar-Droid''': MUST. CRUSH. KIRBY.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': I'll get you this time, Kirby!
:'''Meta Knight''': No, you won't! ''[slides into Escargoon and sends him flying into a tree]''

== [Episode 79] Goin' Bonkers ([Episode 79] ボンカースあらわる!) ==
:'''Bonkers''': Look for him.
:'''Mabel''': You want me to tell you Kirby's future?
:'''Bonkers''': Kirby, in here?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': Ha ha! I bet ya Kirby went on a banana-eatin' binge and gobbled up all his food supply!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': What? A gorilla hammering folks on a head?
:'''Waddle Doo''': I heard that if you don't give 'im money or bananas, he gets real mad, and that's when he strikes.
:'''Escargoon''': He sounds like a bill collector which means he'll come here for the nine million we owe N.M.E..
:'''King Dedede''': So how much would nine million be if we pay him in bananas?
:'''Escargoon''': Huh? I don't know the exchange rate for fruit.
:'''King Dedede''': Well, ain't no bullying bill collector gonna knock on my royal noggin'! Throw that gorilla into whose gal!
:'''Escargoon''': Let's hope he doesn't make a chimpanzee out of you. ''[Getting hitted by Dedede's mallet]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, Waddle Doo! Go and get that gorilla!
:'''Waddle Doo''': Let's move it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Kirby's in big trouble if that gorilla can track him down before we do.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Yeah! Why would a big gorilla be lookin' for Kirby?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bonkers''': Me want to train with Kirby.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': That's a ridiculous idea. Who ever heard of making a giant gorilla monster?

== [Episode 80] Power Ploy ([Episode 80] 強壮! ドリンク狂想曲) ==
:'''King Dedede''': Why, just last night I was working at my desk burning up the midnight oil!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Did... I just hear you say you were working?
:'''King Dedede''': Yep! I spent hours at my PC!
:'''Escargoon''': And he almost got it turned on, too! ''[laughs before getting hammered by Dedede]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Upwardly mobile types like us can easily get worn down. That's why we came up with a new energy-booster drink to keep you going like gangbusters round the clock. It's called Pump Up D!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Yeah! I have tons of energy! Ha-haha! I feel like Super Kawasaki! Up and away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cappy patient''': Doctor... Isn't there anything you can do? I feel awful all over.
:'''Dr. Yabui''': There's no cure... unless you drink this Pump Up D!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Glu-gly-cero-poly-carbo-phosphate. This health drink is totally unhealthy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Triple D, this snake monster is guaranteed to rattle Kirby.

== [Episode 81] A Trashy Tale ([Episode 81] ドキッ! かたづけられない女)==
:'''Escargoon''': I can't tell if this is a throne room or a landfill.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Yabui''': It took me months and months to finish this article!! Grr... WHO DID THIS?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Yabui''': I'm messy, eh? Just wait 'til I get my hands on you! I'll show you messy! My paper's ruined!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': Trash Basher, the garbage monster. This stinks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Yeah! We haven't seen Cleaning Kirby in ages!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[To Tuff]'' Don't laugh, you have to clean your room too!
:'''Tuff''': ''[Nervously Laughs]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[while Handing Tuff A Broom]'' Poyo, Poyo!
:'''Tuff''': Ah boy, what a dirty trick.

== [Episode 82] Cooking Up Trouble ([Episode 82] 合体ロボリョウリガーZ!)==
:'''Sword Kinght''': Blade?
:'''Blade Knight''': Ay?
:'''Sword Knight''': Smells delicious, don't it? Course' anything would smell good compared to Meta knight's cooking!
:''[Blade Knight speaks in foreign language]''
:'''Sword Knight''': You could say that again!
:'''Meta Knight''': ''[he enters from behind]'' Say what again?
:''[Sword and Blade turn around surprised]''
:'''Sword Knight''': Err... He was saying that your cooking... is beyond compare!
:''[Blade Knight responds in foreign language]''
:'''Meta Knight''': Hmm...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Listen everybody! You're going about this thing the wrong way. Those machines can't cook for you because the most important ingredient is missing. You can't make great food unless you use your heart. Cooking isn't about using all the latest technology. Your food will always be mediocre unless you care about what you make.

== [Episode 83] Teacher's Threat ([Episode 83] 魔獣教師3)==
:'''King Dedede''': It's time for me to face the fact that I may need some education.
:'''Escargoon''': Education won't help you. The mind's only a terrible thing to waste if you have one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': What are you brats gonna learn standing out here in the rain? How to get soggy?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': But this school doesn't have anything to do with cooking.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': That's okay. My cooking doesn't have anything to do with cooking either!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Chip''': I'm sorry, but in my classroom, everyone is equal, whether you're royalty or not. Let's try again, shall we, Dedede?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Chip''': Punishment won't help him learn. What Dedede could use is a bit of encouragement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': If Mr. Chip could stay here in Cappy Town, I'd be the happiest girl alive. Mr. Chip is a wonderful man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I need some down time so my brain could re-coagulate.

== [Episode 84] Mumbies Madness ([Episode 84] キュリオ氏の秘宝?) ==
:'''Tokkori''': You hear that weird noise over there? You go check it out and I'll go back to sleep.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Prof. Curio''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''LEAVE HERE IMMEDIATELY!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[his shouting sends Kirby into an immediate panic as the latter flees, and he laughs evilly as the relic he was excavating is unsealed]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Prof. Curio''': It's none of your business! Get lost!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[about Professor Curio]'' But... why would he act so mean?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kabu''': Kirby. You must be careful. That monster will never stop attacking you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[reading]'' Mumbies are a good luck monster. Whoever finds one will become rich. Mumbies dwell underground by day, and know where many fabulous treasures are buried.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': The Mumbies are vicious monsters sent throughout the universe to hunt down and exterminate Star Warriors. When the containers that hold them are discovered, they are automatically unsealed, and they begin looking for Star Warriors to destroy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Prof. Curio''': It wasn't until I re-examined that book today that I realized what the King had done. I can't believe he tricked me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Easy, Sire. This is a comedy show, not a reality series!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[seeing that Kirby has let the Mumbies get burned by the sun's rays]'' Kirby won!
:'''Escargoon''': And who's fault was that?
:''[Dedede screams in anger]''

== [Episode 85] A Sunsational Surprise/A Sunsational Puzzle ([Episode 85] まぼろしの紫外線!) ==
:'''Lady Like''': WRINKLES!?!? ''[looks at herself in the mirror and then screams]'' The sun ''(Inaudible)'' ''(to the viewer)'' Stop staring at me! My face is looking like a prune! ''(screams)'' Call the plastic surgeon!
:'''Sir Ebrum''': Aren't you overreacting, dear?

== [Episode 86] A Chow Challenge ([Episode 86] 弟子対決! コックナゴヤ)==
:'''Chef Nagoya''': You really have made progress as a chef, Kawasaki. This is quite tasty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I don't want Nagoya to find out that I still can't cook!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': If that guy studied with Kawasaki, then he's gotta be a graduate of the institute of indigestion!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': He took cookin' lessons with Kawasaki!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': We're doing our best, but Nightmare Enterprises deals in monsters, not in groceries. It may take a little time, Triple-D.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Nagoya''': Your crazy cuisine has won that little Star Warrior's heart and stomach. Kirby would never be happy eating my food. It's way too bland for his taste!

== [Episode 87] Waste Management ([Episode 87] 襲撃! カラスの勝手軍団) ==
:'''Crowmon''': You lied to me! You said you'd give us all we can eat. But the trash is gone and we're still hungry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crowmon''': You will never get away!

== [Episode 88] Shell-Shocked ([Episode 88] はだかのエスカルゴン) ==
:'''Tiff''': Shell collecting is fun, but it can also be quite educational. Some creatures like clams have two shells that are connected. Other creatures just have a single shell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[sneezes]'' Somethin' around here's got my allergies acting up.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Just don't sneeze on the grill! I'm cookin' top shell! ''[he take a mouthful of topshell and he chewing]'' Maaaan! Is that ever hot! But tasty. Here, you wanna try one?
:'''Escargoon''': Not if they taste like they smell.
:'''King Dedede''': Not even one?
:'''Escargoon''': I don't like shellfish.
:'''King Dedede''': Bet you never tasted ones like these here. Come on!
:'''Escargoon''': Eugh... No! ''[exclaims]''
:'''King Dedede''': Guess that just means more top shells for me! ''[some empty topshells fell on a ground after he ate them all]'' Boy, oh, boy, that does a belly good!
:''[Waddle Dees clean some other topshells and except one who fell, and then Dedede imagine of this topshell]''
:'''King Dedede''': An empty shell. Get outta that shell right now!
:''[Escargoon screaming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Come back here, Escargoon! I wanna see what you been hiding underneath that shell of yours!
:'''Escargoon''': You're crazy! It's not open to the public!
:'''King Dedede''': Slow down, so I can get a crack at it! ''[He tried to a mallet to Escargoon's shell, but it missed, Escargoon laughs]'' Grrr!! Come here!
:'''Escargoon''': ''[jumps]'' Oh! How dare you try to hit me! ''[jumps again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' Methinks the king is out of shape. Well, ''adieu''. ''[chuckles, leaves with suavity]''
:''[Dedede however, was never tired, and tricked Escargoon. He then hammers his shell from behind, Escargoon screaming in shocked]''
:'''Escargoon''': Sneak attack!
:'''King Dedede''': I'm crackin' your shell open and havin' a look!
:''[Escargoon screams, his shell is about to slightly cracks]''
:'''King Dedede''': Ah-ha!
:'''Escargoon''': Huh?
:'''King Dedede''': ''[he points on Escargoon's shell]'' Hey, it's startin' to open up!
:'''Escargoon''': ''[screaming]'' It is? Everything looks okay to me?
:'''King Dedede''': I always knew you was a little bit cracked. Now you're more cracked than before! ''[laughs]''
:'''Escargoon''': You may find this amusing but I don't! ''[groans]'' I just hope I don't catch pneumonia.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Doctor Yabui's clinic, Escargoon gets his fractured shell looked at by Doctor Yabui]''
:'''Dr. Yabui''': Oh...yes I see...my goodness.
:'''Escargoon''': Your goodness what, doc?
:'''Dr. Yabui''': Bad news. there's a fracture in your shell.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[gasps]'' Well don't just sit there, fix it!
:'''Dr. Yabui''': I'm afraid there's nothing I can do
:''[Escargoon whimpers in terror]''
:'''Dr. Yabui''': It can't be repaired.
:'''Escargoon''': You're joking!
:'''Dr. Yabui''': It might even get bigger.
:'''Escargoon''': THIS CAN'T BE!!!''[His shell cracks once more, Tiff and Tuff gasped. Whimpering in terror, he sees behind his shell cracking again, cries]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''PLEASE HELP ME!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Tiff''': That's tough.
:'''Tuff''': Don't get excited, Escargoon! It's only a shell.
:'''Escargoon''': Don't tell me no to get excited, kid. My whole world's falling apart!
:''[Escargoon is suddenly interrupted by Dedede shows up in the limousine to exacerbate things further]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, Yabui. No use hiding Escargoon! ''[He barges into Yabui's clinic]'' Come on out! I know you here some-place. And I'm gonna find ya. ''[He tries to open the door]'' It's me, Escargoonie-goo. Open up this here door. I'm your best pal, ain't I? I won't hurt you.
:'''Escargoon''': Go away. I can't see you now. I'm studying for a blood test.
:'''King Dedede''': I'm real worried about you, so please open up, little buddy? ''[He pulls out his mallet]'' In fact...I'll open it for you! Stand back, buddy! ''[He hits a door with a his mallet]''
:'''Escargoon''': He wants to smash my shell to pieces! ''[He barricades the door]''
:'''King Dedede''': Now ain't you gonna let me in there or ain'cha?
:'''Escargoon''': ''[grunts]'' Uh-uh! ''[His shell cracks again, then he screaming in terror]''
:'''Tiff''': Stop that! Haven't you done enough?! Don't you know Escargoon needs his shell to protect his body?!
:'''King Dedede''': Protect his body?
:'''Dr. Yabui''': That's right. Without his shell, Escargoon would be completely exposed.
:''[Tuff laughing]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey! What what that looks like...''[He imagines what Escargoon would look like without his &quot;clothes&quot; on, which is reference by [[w:The Birth of Venus|The Birth of Venus]]]'' ''Am I being disrespectful? Should I leave Escargoon alone?'' Probably but I ain't a' going to. Now show me what you hiding under that there shell!
:'''Escargoon''': I'm never showing nothing to nobody!
:'''Tiff, Tuff, and Dr. Yabui''': Nobody?
:'''Escargoon''': Why do I suddenly feel like a &lt;big&gt;'''SCIENTIST EXPERIMENT!?'''&lt;/big&gt; ''[When Dedede busts the door with his mallet]'' I'm not letting you in this door!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[He continue busting the door with his mallet for several times]'' Let me in!
:'''Escargoon''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''GO AWAY!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Help me.
:'''King Dedede''': Here I come! ''[He smash the door down. He does so and breaks the shell completely]''
:'''Escargoon''': That did it!
:''[All exclaims, and Kirby close the Escargoon's shell]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey! You get off of that! You can't park it there!
:'''Tiff''': Stay right where you are! Now you've done it! You've split Escargoon's shell apart!
:'''Escargoon''': I never felt so violated! I lost my dignity!
:'''King Dedede''': Now you just relax whilst I have myself a little look-see here!
:'''Escargoon''': Don't let him touch me!
:'''King Dedede''': You know you're gonna have to show me sooner or later.
:'''Escargoon''': How about later? Much later.
:''[Dedede chases Escargoon around, both yelling]''
:'''King Dedede''': As your king, is it my royal right to see what you got under that shell and I ain't quit 'til I get a peek! ''[As he steps on Escargoon's tail, Escargoon screams as Kirby falls off. Escargoon grab and pull the tail offs and his so the shell falls off, but it closed again]'' Oh no!
:'''Escargoon''': Thank goodness.
:'''Kirby''': Po-yay?
:'''Tiff''': Leave Escargoon alone! Don't you think you've caused enough trouble for him already?!
:'''King Dedede''': Not really. I think I could cause a lot more trouble.
:'''Tiff''': You broke his shell in the first place, so you better find him a new one!
:'''Escargoon''': And fast!
:'''King Dedede''': Find him a new shell, huh? That's a great idea!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Sure thing, King! In fact, we have a monstrous new line of mollusc-wear that is guaranteed to bring out the beast if you know what I mean.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': With my new remote-controlled spy fly, I'll get me a real bug's eye view! ''[He uses the Grasshopper Eavesdropper to take a peek at the Escargoon in a changing-tent]''
:'''Escargoon''': How humiliating...''[He pick up with the tin-pan]'' This one looks too small, but I'll try it on anyway,
:'''King Dedede''': This is it! Yeah! Let see!!
:'''Escargoon''':  ''[Moans, but he noticed Grasshopper Eavesdropper spying on him and he screaming in shocked, smashes it with the tin-pan]'' SPY ON ME, WILL YA!?
:'''King Dedede''': It's busted! Now my undercover bug can't spy on that slug!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': So? Making like top-shell, huh? You lucky I didn't fricasse you!
:'''Escargoon''': Yeah, well you came close enough!
:'''Tiff''': Escargoon's just wearing this, while we're trying to fix up this regular shell!
:'''King Dedede''': Oh! Now I get it.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''King Dedede''': You hog! You ate my tender delicious topshell before I got to it!
:'''Escargoon''': That shell was empty when I put it on, you blowhard!
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, that reminds me!...I still ain't seen what you been hiding under that shell!
:''[Escargoon exclaims]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs in evilly]'' It's too late now.
:'''King Dedede''': New shell or no new shell, I still wanna see what you hiding underneath here!
:'''Escargoon''': It's no use, but give it a shot, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': ALRIGHT!!! ''[He attempts to break it open, but to no avail]'' It's too hard.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': All that pounding is giving me a pounding headache!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Maimaigoon''': This shell makes me invincible...and powerful!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Maimaigoon''': ''[to Kirby as he fires his lighting beams]'' You're finished, Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': For a snail, he's pretty quick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Hold on! I think there's another crack in that there!
:'''Escargoon''': The only thing cracked in this room is you, you wacko!
:'''King Dedede''': Just one little-itty-bitty peek?
:'''Escargoon''': You keep your paws off of me! HELP!
:'''King Dedede''': Escargoon, please!?
:'''Escargoon''': Buzz off, you creep!

== [Episode 89] Tooned Out ([Episode 89] オタアニメ! 星のフームたん)==
:'''Escargoon''': Tiff can't be the hero! She's a bad guy!
:'''King Dedede''': There's only room for one hero on my show and that's me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Biggy''': She's so awesome, she deserves her own animated series.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bony''': Why don't we make her the hero?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Boys''': Roses are red. Violets are blue. Here we come, Tiff. We're gonna draw you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sleepy''': We need more recordings of her voice to use in the cartoon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': You guys shouldn't stick around taking my pictures without permission.
:'''Sleepy''': She looks good she's mad.
:'''Bony''': Those lying visitor but totally fears.
:'''Biggy''': She's sure is gonna lot a fun you are.
:'''Boys''': ''[to Tiff]'' Cutie.
:'''Tiff''': ''[gasps]'' Don't call me that! Why don't you guys show a little originality and invent your own cartoon character instead of picking on me?! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''I DON'T WANT TO BE A CARTOON STAR!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Boys''': Did you say &quot;so sorry&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Alright, boys, I'm sending you the ace of all animators. Allow me to introduce the legendary Dis Walney! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dis Walney''': Hmm, the scene needs more excitement. I need more energy, King!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Anige''': Now I'm going to delete your friend Kirby permanently!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Hey, it's morning.
:'''Tiff''': And there's still no cartoon.
:''[Dedede and Escargoon exclaiming in shocked]''
:'''King Dedede''': If we don't put a cartoon on I'll be flat broke!
:'''Escargoon''': But sire, there's only 5 minutes left to go!
:'''King Dedede''': Whoever said &quot;the show must go on&quot; didn't know us!
:''[Dedede and Escargoon hugged as they crying and Tuff laughs]''
:'''Tiff''': Too bad those professional animators couldn't help you.
:'''Both''': ''[stopped crying]'' Huh? What'd you say?
:'''King Dedede''': So, let's go!
:'''Escargoon''': There's still hope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Well, guys?
:'''Sleepy''': It wasn't easy, dude, but we did it.
:'''Biggy''': We had to draw it really fast.
:'''Bony''': But it's way cool!
:'''King Dedede''': Who cares? It's done!
:'''Escargoon''': 10 seconds left!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': That doesn't look like you, sire.
:'''King Dedede''': There's something about that girly are looked saw that familiar!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Is that airhead really supposed to be me?!
:'''Biggy''': Yeah. Except, she's not short like you.
:'''Tiff''': Yeah, I'm short alright. ''(furious growl)'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''AND SO'S MY TEMPER!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

== [Episode 90] Born to Be Mild - Part I ([Episode 90] 爆走! デデデス・レース (前編))==
:'''Rip''': The name's Rip. Sorry to wake ya, officer!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Both coughing]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's the idea sticking up the hand here!?
:'''Escargoon''': Yeah, who do you think you are? King Dedede?
:'''King Dedede''': You're in big trouble!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': That biker gang could strike again at any time! We've got to have a plan to defend ourselves!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': We're not gonna let you mess up Cappy Town!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Turbo''': My name's Turbo. Allow me to introduce our fearless leader: Fang!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fang''': First we gotta find a dude named Steppenwolf, but then we'll take care of Kirby for ya.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gus''': One of them bikers is an old friend of mine. You see, I used to belong to a motorcycle gang.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NME Sales Guy''': Now hold up, Highness. Have you considered beating them with a track attack... by having a race? Of course, you'll need a place to race! That's expensive, but Nightmare Enterprises could be the sponsor!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': We gonna have a big race at the brand spankin' new DDD Speedway!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': It looks like Fang's racing circles around Kirby and the rest of the Cappy crew! Can the friends defeat the gang without Gus? Find out next time, on ''Kirby: Right Back at Ya!''

== [Episode 91] Born to Be Mild - Part II ([Episode 91] 爆走! デデデス・レース (後編))==
:'''Fang''': Just wait, Kirby. I'll finish you off later! Right now, I wanna make sure I win this race.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melman''': You caused a lot of trouble when you were younger, but this is your chance to make up for it. Take that chance while you still can!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': That punk jockey ain't got a chance of beatin' Fang now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': That grease monkey must've got out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Listen! According to this chemical analysis, the fuel in Fang's motorcycle couldn't have come from this planet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': What a surprise! It looks like our bad boy biker has been de-fanged by a rough-riding old-timer with a need for speed!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melman''': You can say all you want, Tiff. The important thing is that Fang is gone. Ooh, am I gonna be sore tonight...

== [Episode 92] Hunger Struck ([Episode 92] ワドルディの食文化大革命)==
:'''Escargoon''': Sire! Sire! You won't believe with those Waddle Dees! I just left him in the dining hall!
:'''King Dedede''': Good, don't bring him in here cause it might kill my appetite.
:'''Escargoon''': While you slurp that slot the Waddles Dees are having the feast. It's a gourmet meal with four different courses fit for a king.
:''[Dedede becomes enraged and he throw the cup of ramen noodles to Escargoon's face]''
:'''King Dedede''': If it's fit for a king, how come I ain't gettin' any?! Grrr!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A Waddle Dee Eats A Cookie]''
:'''King Dedede''': No Way!
:'''Escargoon''': It adsorbed the cookie!
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, how'd it do that? It's munchin' alright...
:'''Escargoon''': Wonder how it flosses...
:'''King Dedede''': That's weird.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waddle Doo''': ''[to the Waddle Dees]'' The king's so stingy he put us on a starvation diet! Now our stomachs cry out for vengeance!
:''[cut to King Dedede and Escargoon being chased by angry Waddle Dees]''
:'''King Dedede''': We in trouble! My own guards is out to get me!
:'''Escargoon''': I've heard of hunger strikes before, but this is ridiculous!

== [Episode 93] D'Preciation Day ([Episode 93] カービィ感謝の日!) ==
:'''Tiff''': I know Dedede can be mean and nasty and selfish, but deep down, he really just wants to be loved. If we gave him a present, maybe he'd feel loved, and change his ways.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': I think you'd be a much better candidate for something like &quot;Take Your Tyrant to Lunch Day!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Nobody 'round here appreciates me, so I'm gonna start up a brand new tradition in Dream Land! There gonna be no more appreciation days. From now on, we only celebrating Dis Days!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waddle Doo''': Sorry, Kawasaki! King's orders!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Looks like Tiff's trying to disrupt Dis Day.
:'''King Dedede''': Just wait 'til she finds out who we dissin' next.
:''[Dedede and Escargoon break out laughing]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': 10. 9. 8.
:'''Escargoon''': 7. 6. 5. 4. 3.
:'''Tiff''': Spit it out, Kirby!
:'''King Dedede''': Here...
:'''Escargoon''': We...
:'''Both''': GO!!!
:''[Kirby's face becomes red and glows, and he then starts to spit gray smoke from his mouth, at such a force and speed that he is sent flying up in the air while spitting out more smoke]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Dedede's gone too far this time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': I think he's rotten no matter how deep down you go!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waddle Doo''': A message for you, Sire!
:'''King Dedede''': Who's it from?
:'''Escargoon''': It's from Tiff. She's inviting us to Kirby's memorial service.
:'''King Dedede''': His what?
:'''Escargoon''': I regret to inform you that Kirby is gone. We're gathering to bid farewell to him this afternoon. Please join us to pay your last respects.
:''[Both exclaims]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[King Dedede and Escargoon crying about Kirby's funeral]''
:'''King Dedede''': It's all our fault!
:'''Escargoon''': Forgive us, Kirby! That prank was His Majesty's idea, but I was the one who came up with the time bomb part! For once I wish I wasn't so brilliant!
:'''King Dedede''': Now I wish you was as dumb as me!
:'''Escargoon''': How did that work possible? 
:'''King Dedede''': I never would have played that prank If I don't know this was gonna happen. I wish I could take it all back!
:'''Tiff''': Unfortunately, it's too late.
:'''King Dedede''': But there's got to be something I can do.
:'''Tiff''': You can't do start by promising not to play any more practical jokes on your subjects!
:'''King Dedede''': I PROMISE!! ''[crying]'' Here, Kirby. This one ain't got no time bomb.
:'''Tiff''': I'm sure he'd like that a lot.
:'''King Dedede''': I MISS YOU KIRBY OL' BUDDY! ''[cries]''
:'''Tiff''': I think Dedede is really sorry.
:'''Mayor Len''': I agree.
:'''Tuff''': Looks like he learned his lesson.
:''[Kirby hops out of the grave in order to eat the watermelon left for him. Dedede and Escargoon screams]''
:'''King Dedede''': He even got a hungry ghost!
:'''Tiff''': Oh, Kirby.
:''[Tuff groans]''
:'''Escargoon''': Kirby's not a ghost. The runt's still alive! A-ha! You were all playing a trick on His Majesty, weren't ya?
:'''King Dedede''': ''[whimpers as he cries]'' I'M GLAD HE'S OKAY!!!
:'''Escargoon''': You are?
:'''King Dedede''': It was dull bein' ruler of Dream Land before you came along. I need me an enemy!
:'''Tuff''': The king really has changed. 
:'''Tiff''': In his own twisted way he cares about Kirby.
:'''King Dedede''': Kirby...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waddle Doo''': The card says: This is Chuckie. Made especially for Kirby by Nightmare Enterprises.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Every day's Kirby appreciation day.
:'''Waddle Doo''': You've got a card, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': Huh? Somebody appreciates me too.
:'''Escargoon''': Here. Let's see. It's a bill from Nightmare Enterprises. They want 9 million D-Bills for that monster.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[whimpers as he cries]'' THERE ONLY APPRECIATED MY MONEY!!

== [Episode 94] The Thing About the Ring ([Episode 17] パームとメームの指輪物語) ==
:'''Tiff''': ''(to Sir Ebrum)'' How come you always act so weird on your anniversary? I don't get it. It's the same thing every time.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': There you are, my twinkling little treasures. I bet none of you's made of glass. Little does King Greedede know I've been collecting you glittery goo-gahs for years!

== [Episode 95] A Dental Dilemma ([Episode 32] 歯なしにならないハナシ)==
:'''Tiff''': Oh, please. I've had toothaches funnier than King Dedede.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': That's easy for him to say. PLEASE DON'T PULL MY TEETH OUT, DOCTOR!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': That maniac drilled so deep, I thought he was gonna strike oil.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': You could get cavities too, you know.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' My choppers is way too powerful to get conquered by cavities.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lady Like''': Tuff. I want you to brush your teeth before you go to bed tonight. You too, Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': But, Sire, you have to get that tooth filled.
:'''Dedede''': Ain't no way you gonna drag me there! I'd rather dive head-first into the Booma-Dooma Volcano!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Doctor Yabui won't hurt you, Sire.
:'''Dedede''': He had you shrieking like a smoke detector!

== [Episode 96] Cowardly Creature ([Episode 94] 脱走魔獣ファンファン) ==
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I can assure you we're not responsible, Triple-D. The escapee was part of our &quot;Young Monsters of the Future&quot; program. The training facility is secure, but it looks like somebody found a way to break into our computer system and sent one of our horrible hopefuls free.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': I'm me, alrighty! I think it's about time to extra-cise my kingly duties and protect my subjects!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': In fact, I can assure you that the King is totally irresponsible!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': That poor thing's afraid! We have to do something!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Sire, what if he turns into Hammer Kirby?!
:'''King Dedede''': Now don't do nothin' rash! We yer friends, Kirby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Whoa! That monster must be huge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': I wish I knew why Phan Phan's so frightened all the time. I've never seen a monster act like this before.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Whippy''': Hitti hitti!

== [Episode 97] Frog Wild ([Episode 95] デビル・カービィ!)==
:'''Hana''': I don't know what's gotten into Kirby, but something has.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Prof. Curio''': ''[crying]'' Oh no... how could you? My relics are just a pile of rubble now. Why did he come in here and smash them all? Why, Kirby?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuggle''': ''[crying]'' I'm always nice to Kirby! Why would he wanna do 'dis?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mabel''': What is wrong, Kirby? You do not seem to be your perky-pink self today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': There has to be a misunderstanding. Kirby's a Star Warrior, not a juvenile delinquent!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': He done WHAT?!
:'''Escargoon''': Kirby's smashing up Cappy Town like a pink wrecking ball!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' He sees it's more fun to be a heel than a hero! But there's only room for one mischief-maker in this kingdom, and that's me!
:'''Escargoon''': Well now the Cappies are more scared of Kirby than they are you, Sire.
:'''King Dedede''': Say what?
:'''Escargoon''': Maybe they're just afraid of Kirby because he's a dynamic-demonic ball of fire, and you're just a big bellied out of shape ball of blubber! ''[gets hit it with Dedede's mallet]''
:'''King Dedede''': Now you're out of shape. I'm checking this out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Oh, hello, Kirby. Come on in. I got some leftover turkey jerky hash if you want... Where you goin'? You don't have to have the hash. I can cook anything you want me to. Ah! You just name it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': He does look kind of scary.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' Who knew a half pint could be so horrifying?
:'''King Dedede''': I ain't gonna let that pipsqueak out-mean me! ''[He jumps out of limousine]''
:'''Escargoon''': Wait, what are you gonna do!?
:'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna prove I'm more troublesome than Kirby is! 
:'''Escargoon''': Sire, I was only kidding!
:'''King Dedede''': ''[He enters in Kawasaki's restaurant]'' Hey you there, gumball!
:''[Kirby's evil state up-close for himself and Dedede gasped]''
:'''Escargoon''': You're much worse than Kirby. 
:''[Kirby's evil state up-close for himself, Escargoon screams and hides behind Dedede]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': Forget it, Kirby ain't no threat to you Cappies. Why he's as harmless as a horse-fly!
:'''Tiff''': Yeah, anyone who knows Kirby knows that he wants to help us, not hurt us.
:'''King Dedede''': It's true. Why that goody-goody ain't got a bad bone in his body.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': ''[After Demon Kirby set the fire on Kawasaki's restaurant]'' Why, Kirby!? Why!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bookem''': He destroyed headquarters...
:''[King Dedede's limousine explodes within Chief Bookem's police station]''
:'''King Dedede''': There goes my limo!
:'''Escargoon''': Thanks, Kirby.
:'''King Dedede''': Now what am I gonna drive?
:'''Chief Bookem''': They're wiped out.
:''[All the cappies talking at once]''
:'''Tuff''': I can't believe this.
:'''Tokkori''': I always knew Kirby was trouble, but this takes the cake. That boy's gone ballistic!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bookem''': Attention all Cappies! Stay inside your homes! Keep your doors locked, and your windows shut! Kirby's on the loose!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the castle]''
:'''King Dedede''': ''[offscreen]'' I ain't gonna let Kirby show me up.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This is a surprise, D-Meister. Why the late night call?
:'''King Dedede''': Tell me who's the baddest bad guy in Dreamland?!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Is that a trick question?
:'''King Dedede''': You're supposed to say it's me!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I'd agree with that.
:'''King Dedede''': Well them Cappies thinks it's Kirby!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': No, how come? ''[As Dedede growls]''
:'''King Dedede''': '''HE SMASHED UP CAPPY TOWN!!'''
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': But Kirby's a good guy.
:'''Escargoon''': He's tearing through this kingdom on a debris spree!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' Sounds to me like Kirby found your Demon Frog.
:'''King Dedede''': My Demon Frog?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Don't you recall the monster you ordered a couple months back? ''[imitates frog noises]''
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah. Now I remember that frog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Majesty, that frog is a hoppin' horror show!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': If the Demon Frog really is inside Kirby, then there's no way he can be held responsible for attacking Cappy Town, because it was really the Demon Frog forcing him to do it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': We must find a way to make that Demon Frog leave Kirby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Waddle Doo''': Sire! Emergency! Kirby's attacking the castle!
:'''King Dedede''': He is?! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Kirby! I told you to knock it off!
:''[Demon Kirby is still beating up Dedede and the Waddle Dees]''
:'''Tiff''': '''FOR THE LAST TIME! STOP, KIRBY!!!!'''
:''[The Demon Frog momentarily loses control of Kirby]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[after letting the Demon Frog after he transforms himself into Demon Dedede]'' You puny peewees better be scared, 'cause I'm the baddest dude on the whole planet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': YOU BETTER LEAVE KIRBY ALONE!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': You should teach those two a lesson.
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, they're always scheming against you!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''Tiff''': It's time to give them both a taste of their own medicine!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''King Dedede''': Step away, Escargoon! ''[He kicks Escargoon on a grass and he run away]''
:'''Escargoon''': Wait, Sire! I'm a coward too!

== [Episode 98] Cappy Town Down ([Episode 98] 発進! 戦艦ハルバード) ==
:''[Kirby and friends arrive to find Cappy Town a smoldering wreck and thousands of Cappies homeless]''
:'''Tiff''': Oh, Tuff... This is terrible. The whole place was destroyed when that spaceship attacked. There's no Cappy Town left.
:'''Tuff''': I don't believe it.
:'''Tokkori''': Folks are sayin' this is your fault.
:''[Kirby lowers his head and lets out a sad Poyo. The Cappies turn to Kirby to try to take out their grief on him]''
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': When your ship crashed, we welcomed you to Cappy Town and now we're paying for it, Kirby.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Yeah. We lost everything because of you!
:'''Tuggle''': It was a mistake to let you live here.
:'''Buttercup''': Maybe it's time for you to move on.
:'''Gengu''': Yeah, this is all your fault, Kirby!
:''[Kirby lets out another sad Poyo, only for his friends to step in and defend him]''
:'''Tiff''': This isn't Kirby's fault. It's Dedede's fault!
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, what about all the times Kirby came to our rescue?
:'''Chief Bookem''': He sure didn't save us this time.
:'''Hana''': That's why we don't have a place to live anymore.
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Cappy Town is in ruins.
:'''Melman''': There's not a mailbox left in the whole town.
:'''Samo''': It's a fine mess Kirby's got us in.
:'''Tiff''': Well this isn't gonna solve anything.
:'''Tuff''': Yeah! Now's the time to work together!
:''[The Cappies are questioning in a confused state while Tiff growls. Then she proudly grunts]''
:'''Tiff''': Come on! We can't give up now! Remember, we've been through tough times before. We'll pull through this one too!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo!
:'''Chief Bookem''': We just don't know what we should do, Tiff.
:'''Tiff''': Meta Knight will tell us. He wants to meet with all of us up in the castle.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': It's a phone.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': That isn't just an ordinary phone, Your Majesty. ''[Dedede's phone starts ringing with a familiar-sounding ringtone, and Dedede opens his phone to find Kirby and another familiar-sounding ringtone, this one being a remix of the theme song]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's that pink stinker doing in there?!
:'''Escargoon''': And what's with that annoying music?!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''(laughs)'' Nobody would ever suspect that you'd use a Kirby phone to call Nightmare Enterprises.
:'''King Dedede''': Great idea!
:'''Escargoon''': I wouldn't be surprised if we even get stuck with a phone bill.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[about the Halberd]'' Hey, what is that damn thing?
:'''Escargoon''': Sire, how am I supposed to know? But whatever it is, I think our friend at Nightmare Enterprises would be very interested in it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': The coming battle may well determine the fate of the galaxy.
:'''Tiff''': We can't give up without a fight.
:'''King Dedede''': Meta Knight, you's a dirty double-crosser! You've got some nerve building this here battleship in my basement!
:'''Escargoon''': And what's with this &quot;fate of the galaxy&quot; mumbo jumbo? You got that helmet on too tight?
:'''Meta Knight''': You still have a chance to join forces with us before it is too late.
:'''King Dedede''': Lemme see inside of that ship first.
:''(the door to the inside of the Halberd opens)''
:'''Meta Knight''': Follow me. I will take you to the bridge.
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah, I'd like to push you off one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': This is catastrophic.
:'''Samo''': How can we survive, Meta Knight?
:'''Prof. Curio''': Maybe we should just get rid of Kirby.
:'''Meta Knight''': Listen to me. eNeMeE is not just after Kirby. He will not stop until he controls the entire universe! We must all try to stop him!
:'''Tiff''': That's what this battleship's for, right?
:'''Tuff''': We can battle eNeMeE from inside here.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''Mabel''': This sounds crazy.
:'''Meta Knight''': The odds are against us, but you must decide now! I need a crew. Will you stand up and fight with me?
:''[the Cappies recoil in fear]''
:'''Samo''': You want us to fight?!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I'm a chef, not a soldier!
:'''Meta Knight''': I cannot fly this ship alone. Are there no brave volunteers? Chief Bookem!
:'''Chief Bookem''': Ah, I'd like to help, but I'm a lawman, not an airman.
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': I'm too old to volunteer.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I think I left my oven on!
:'''Mabel''': My crystal ball needs polishing!
:'''Gus''': Gotta go pump some gas!
:'''Prof. Curio''': Good luck, Meta Knight!
:''[the Cappies run out of the Halberd in terror]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey there, D. What's shakin'?
:'''King Dedede''': ME! You just blowed up my monster transmitter!
:'''Escargoon''': And you nearly got us, too!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Kirby doesn't stand a chance without help.
:''[the Cappies turn around and notice Kit Cosmos]''
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Well what're you waitin' for? We can't let a Star Warrior battle alone!
:'''Samo''': Who is he?
:'''Mabel''': I don't know, but he could use a shave.
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Sergeant Kit Cosmos! I served with Meta Knight and the Star Warrior force and I'm reportin' for duty.
:'''Iro''': Tiff told us about you.
:'''Honey''': He's a big hero.
:'''Spikehead''': You live on that island.
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Kirby and his squad found me there, and when they went home, I chose to stay. But now I've come to help Kirby take on eNeMeE. All right then, who's ready to fight alongside me?
:'''Samo''': He certainly is a tough cookie.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Yeah. Even tougher than my cookies.
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Will you stand alongside me, or are you a cowering coward?
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': We can't fight, Sergeant.
:'''Prof. Curio''': We're not soldiers.
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Not soldiers? Is that a reason for you to stand there and do nothin'?! Kirby's riskin' his life to save your planet, and it's your duty to help him!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Look who's here.
:'''Tiff''': Sergeant Cosmos!
:'''Kit Cosmos''': I'd never miss a fight if I can help it. ''[Meta Knight steps out to greet him]'' Meta Knight sir!
:'''Meta Knight''': What brings you here?
:'''Kit Cosmos''': I may be a soldier who's over the hill, but I'm proud to serve one last time, if you'll have me.
:'''Meta Knight''': I will.
:'''Kit Cosmos''': It'll be an honor, sir.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I can mess up the mess hall, so count me in too!
:'''Dr. Yabui''': You'll need a medic.
:'''Gus''': And I've got the muscle to tune this baby up for ya!
:'''Tiff''': Thanks, guys! But not all of us can go.
:'''Tuff''': Yeah. Somebody's gotta stay behind to start rebuilding Cappy Town.
:'''Prof. Curio''': Hmmm. We never thought of that, did we?
:'''Gengu''': Yeah, I guess you're... ''[the area around them shakes again]''
:'''Sword Knight''': All volunteers on board.
:'''Blade Knight''': ''*mumbling*'' Help Kirby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': Hey, sire. What were you supposed to do again?
:'''King Dedede''': I was supposed to plant this here time bomb on the ship.
:'''Escargoon''': We weren't supposed to be on the ship, were we?
:'''King Dedede''': Aaah! Get me outta here!

== [Episode 99] Combat Kirby ([Episode 99] 撃滅! ナイトメア大要塞) ==
:'''Sword Knight''': Don't worry. She'll be fine. This ship's made to move at hyper speeds.
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, but none of us are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tokkori''': Some wormhole. I don't see no worms nowhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Our sensors go to have picked up some sort of battleship coming out of a wormhole one light year away. It appears that Kirby and Meta Knight have decided to attack us with their puny little battle barge.
:'''Nightmare''': They are growing desperate. They'll realize I have them beaten. I was hoping they'd be foolish enough to attack, so I've prepared a surprise for them.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': The capsule's set, sir. I'll send it on its way. ''[sends out a capsule containing Heavy Lobster]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Cooking this space food is as easy as boiling water!
:'''Samo''': This is the first time I ever enjoyed Kawasaki's cooking.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Can I boil you some dessert?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Yabui''': Rather dull up here. When I don't have any patients to see, I get rather impatient.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tuff''': Isn't there any place we can go to get away from you two?
:'''Tiff''': I should've guessed you'd try and stow away.
:'''Escargoon''': We have a right to be here, sister!
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah, this ship was built on my property.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': What are you doing here?!
:'''King Dedede''': I'm comin' along to give you all a helping hand! I'm sick and tired of eNeMeE sending me all them defective monsters!
:'''Escargoon''': What else can we say? We're disgruntled.
:'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna show them crooked creepos that they've done ripped off this here king for the last time!
:'''Tiff''': Well we don't believe a word you say!
:'''Meta Knight''': Do your duty, Chief.
:'''Chief Bookem''': I'm lockin' you up as non-combatant detainees.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': You think he was trying to tell me something.
:'''Escargoon''': He did sound awfully final.
:''[King Dedede and Escargoon screaming in shocked. And they hugged in panicking]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': I think we got ourselves a monster!
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, there must be some mistake. I didn't order no monster from ya!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': We sent this monster to you for free, Your Majesty.
:'''King Dedede''': Well I don't want no favors from ya, so just take it all back, ya hear?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': You ain't nothing but a cheap chizzlin' cheater and now we gonna settle the score with ya.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Can't we just talk this over?
:'''King Dedede''': It's too late! We just found your space fortress and now we gonna make a sneak attack!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Thanks for the tip off, Big D. ''[to the other members of N.M.E.]'' Prepare for attack. Launch all Destraya ships immediately! ''[signs out]''
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, that chump just hung up on me!
:'''Tiff''': You're the one who's the chump!
:'''Tuff''': Thanks to you, they know our whole plan now.
:'''Escargoon''': ''[he and Dedede are shocked by what Tiff &amp; Tuff just said]'' That sales guy just tricked you again, sire.
:'''King Dedede''': ''[Laughs]'' Least I don't have to pay that phone bill.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gus''': They got thousands of those flyin' hub-cabs!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Maybe we should go back while there's still time.
:'''Chief Bookem''': I agree. There's no way we can win this.
:'''Meta Knight''': We will not retreat. We must enter the fortress and fight to the finish!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[three Destraya ships suddenly attack the other Destraya ships to everybody's amazement]''
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': What's going on? They're fighting each other.
:'''Tuff''': And they're not attackin' us.
:'''Tiff''': What's eNeMeE up to now?
:'''Meta Knight''': We are not fighting this battle alone.
:'''Knuckle Joe''': ''[turns on his screen to contact the Halberd crew]'' Hey, how's it going, gang?
:'''Tiff''': Knuckle Joe!
:'''Knuckle Joe''': I took over a Destraya and was hoping you'd let me join your party.
:'''Sirica''': ''[her screen comes on as well]'' Do you remember me? I came along to help, too.
:'''Tiff''': Hey, that's Sirica!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo!
:'''Sirica''': Knuckle Joe and I have become friends now and we're teaming up to help you defeat eNeMeE.
:'''Sir Arthur''': ''[his and his knights' screen comes on as well]'' And we will be joining the battle as well.
:'''Meta Knight''': Arthur, and the rest of the Star Warriors!
:'''Sir Arthur''': We were able to raid the fortress and commandeer some Destraya ships. We will clear the way for you to enter the fortress so you and Kirby can challenge eNeMeE.
:'''Meta Knight''': It'll be an honor.
:'''Kirby''': Poyo.
:'''Knuckle Joe''': But right now, just sit back and let us handle that fleet.
:'''Sirica''': Now onto victory!
:'''Sir Arthur''': Full speed ahead!
:''[the three Destrayas that Knuckle Joe, Sirica, Sir Arthur and his knights stole destroy the other Destrayas]''
:'''Tiff''': They destroyed the enemy ships!
:'''Meta Knight''': Yes! Now we can enter the fortress. Set sail for liftoff! ''[the Halberd blasts its way past more Destrayas and successfully enters the entrance to Nightmare's fortress]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bookem''': It's awful quiet.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I wonder why nobody's attacking us.
:'''Tuff''': Maybe they've given up.
:'''Sword Knight''': Detecting something big, closing fast.
:'''Tiff''': Look there!
:'''Kirby''': Pooo...
:''[Nightmare, finally stepping out of the shadows after 98 episodes, makes himself known to the Halberd crew through a giant projection of himself]''
:'''Meta Knight''': eNeMeE...
:'''Nightmare''': Heh. It was a mistake to come here, Kirby. As you can see, you and your puny band of Star Warriors pose no threat to me. Challenging me is the last mistake you will ever make!
:'''Kirby''': Poyo!
:''[Nightmare laughs evilly]''
:'''Meta Knight''': Follow him.

== [Episode 100] Fright to the Finish ([Episode 100] 飛べ! 星のカービィ) ==
:'''Tiff''': Meta Knight, those blasts went right through him.
:'''Meta Knight''': He has led us into a trap!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Escargoon''': I guess Kirby's gonna beat us once and for all, Sire.
:''[Dedede's cell phone starts ringing]''
:'''King Dedede''': What's that sound?
:'''Escargoon''': Your phone. ''[Dedede pulls out his phone and struggles to catch it]'' Ugh, that music's annoying. I wish you'd put it on vibrate. ''[Dedede catches his phone]''
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey there! Are you ready to surrender yet, Your Majesty?
:'''Escargoon''': You bet we are.
:'''King Dedede''': I ain't never gonna wave no white flag!
:'''Escargoon''': Forget His Highness. Can you at least save me?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': If you'd like to negotiate, you'll have to speak with my boss. ''[reveals Nightmare, who hypnotizes both Dedede and Escargoon]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sword Knight''': ''[using King Dedede's cell phone that he dropped to track the signal]'' The signal's coming from up there.
:'''Gus''': Must be the command center.
:'''Dr. Yabui''': That's where they control the fortress.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey, let's set up a blast up there and wreck the place. That'll stop eNeMeE!
:'''Tuff''': Yeah, but who can do it?
:'''Tokkori''': It's your idea, so you oughtta go.
:''[Chef Kawasaki gasps]''
:'''Kit Cosmos''': ''[laughs heartily]'' Don't worry. I'm comin' along to provide backup support.
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': I wish I never cooked up this idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Thanks for the special delivery.
:'''King Dedede''': I know that voice. You're the sales dude!
:'''Escargoon''': We've never actually seen you in person before.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Well you're in for a little surprise. ''[turns his chair around, and, to the surprise of Tiff, Dedede, and Escargoon, reveals that he has stubby feet similar to other Kirby characters and is only about as tall as Escargoon]''
:'''King Dedede''': You look a lot taller on the TV screen.
:'''Escargoon''': You're almost as shrimpy as Kirby.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hohohohoho! I may be shrimpy, but I'm a whale of a salesman. And now, we'll take the kid. ''[Nightmare grabs Tiff]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nightmare''': It's too late, child. Kirby is about to face his worst nightmare...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[evilly laughs]'' Kirby's falling right into our trap, thanks to you.
:'''King Dedede''': Hold it! We've got a problem here.
:'''Escargoon''': We could use some refreshments.
:'''King Dedede''': Yeah. How about showing us some grinditude with some grub?
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I'm afraid I can't help you fellas. There's no kitchen in the command center.
:'''Escargoon''': We'll call Kawasaki!
:'''King Dedede''': Oooh! ''[laughs and grabs the microphone]'' Yo, Kawasaki! Whip me up a little something and rush it to me right away!
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': Here you go, sire! Liver and spinach surprise.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': How'd he get in here!?
:'''King Dedede''': Oh boy! Home cooking! ''(sits down to eat Kawasaki's cooking and enjoys it)'' Mmm. This here dish is delish! Go on. Have a bite.
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': No thanks, I'm not...
:'''King Dedede''': ''[shoves the liver into the N.M.E. Sales Guy's mouth]'' You're gonna love it! ''[laughs]''
:'''Escargoon''': ''[as the N.M.E. Sales Guy turns around, unable to handle the taste of Kawasaki's cooking]'' Bet ya never tasted anything like that!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nightmare''': This is checkmate, Kirby. The game is up!
:'''Tiff''': You brought Kirby here because this is where you make nightmares! But he's not afraid of you and your tricks.
:'''Nightmare''': We shall see about that! Before this match is over, you will both learn the force of my power. ''[evilly laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meta Knight''': We can use the monster delivery system here to deliver us home.
:'''Tokkori''': You don't seriously expect us to use that contraption, do ya?
:'''Kit Cosmos''': Hm. It's worth a try.
:'''Meta Knight''': But it is close to the place where you planted that bomb.
:''[the rest of the crew gasp]''
:'''Chef Kawasaki''': We have to go back?
:'''Meta Knight''': Yes, and we do not have a moment to lose!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nightmare''': He has used up all of his energy. Kirby is now completely helpless. I can crush him with little effort... But first, some fun! I shall enter Kirby's sleep and give him a nightmare, and you can join him. This dream will be a real scream!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nightmare''': ''[screams in terror as Kirby surrounds him with a barrage of stars from the Star Rod]'' No! How did Kirby discover the secret? That pitiful little Star Warrior has found my only weakness. I am helpless against the power of the Star Rod!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': eNeMeE is really a living nightmare, so the only place you could beat him was inside a dream. Good work, Kirby! You are the only Star Warrior who gets the secret of the Star Rod and can use it against eNeMeE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': ''[About Tuff, Meta Knight, and the Cappies]'' We better go look for the others now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiff''': Hi, everybody!
:'''Tuff''': Hey, Tiff!
:'''Tiff''': Kirby battled eNeMeE and he beat him!
:''[everyone cheers now that they've heard the good news]''
:'''Tiff''': Where are you guys going?
:'''Tuff''': The Halberd was blown away. We have to escape before our bomb goes off!
:''[Tiff and Kirby gasp upon hearing Tuff's own fair share of news]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' That liver sure made you shiver!
:'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[brushing his teeth to get the taste of Kawasaki's cooking out of his mouth]'' I was completely disgusted!
:'''Escargoon''': Now you know how we feel about you!
:''[both laugh until they are suddenly interrupted by the Halberd's crew barging into the command center]''
:'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': There's the monster delivery system!
:'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's goin' on?!
:'''Chief Bookem''': Kirby beat eNeMeE and now we're gonna destroy this place!
:'''King Dedede''': No way!
:''[the N.M.E. Sales Guy gasps in shock and terror after having heard what Chief Bookem just said and makes a run for it]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sir Arthur''': Kirby and his crew have actually done it.
:'''Knuckle Joe''': I hope they had time to...get away.
:'''Sirica''': Good luck, my friends.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last line, series finale; the sun rises over the horizon and the people look on at the fully-rebuilt Cappy Town happily]''
:'''Mayor Len''': Cappy Town's as beautiful as ever.
:'''Mabel''': It was hard work, but we rebuilt it together.
:'''Tiff''': Everything's back to normal.
:'''Escargoon''': Except for the castle...''[he and King Dedede look at the still-damaged Castle Dedede]'' It's still a wreck.
:'''King Dedede''': And I ain't even got me a way to order me no more monsters.
:'''Meta Knight''': ''[holds Dedede's cell phone out]'' What about this?
:'''King Dedede''': Ah! Gimme!
:''[King Dedede turns his cell phone on only to find its monitor all fuzzed out due to the destruction of Nightmare's fortress and the command center that was inside it, and he and Escargoon sigh in sadness. Tiff, Tuff, &amp; Kirby laugh at the two and then look back at Cappy Town]''
:'''Tiff''': And so Kirby saved the galaxy and proved himself to be the greatest Star Warrior of all... and life in Dream Land went back to normal. But I suppose that with Kirby around, life will always be an adventure. Isn't that right, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Puuu... Poyo!

== English Voice Cast ==
:[[w:Makiko Ohmoto|Makiko Ohmoto]] (Japanese voice kept) – Kirby and Kirbysaurus (Ep 76)
:[[w:Kerry Williams|Kerry Williams]] – Tiff and Tiffasaurus (Ep 76)
:[[w:Kayzie Rogers|Kayzie Rogers]] – Tuff, Lady Like, Hana, Honey, and Tuffadactyl (Ep 76)
:[[w:Ted Lewis|Ted Lewis]] – King Dedede, Escargoon, Escargoon's Mother, Amon, D-Rex (Ep 75-76), Escarsaurus (Ep 76), Escar-Droid, Rekketsu (Ep 83), Crowmon (Ep 87), and Maimaigoon (Ep 88)
:[[w:Eric Stuart|Eric Stuart]] – Meta Knight, Gus, Sword Knight, Blade Knight, Coo, Slice n' Splice, and Yamikage
:[[w:Andrew Rannells|Andrew Rannells]] – Chief Bookem (75–100), Nightmare, Rick, Benikage, Max Flexer, and Bookemsaurus (Ep 76)
:[[w:Maddie Blaustein|Maddie Blaustein]] – Chef Kawasaki, Gengu, Tuggle, Biblio, Waddle Doo, Mr. Curio, Melman, Hardy, Kawasakisaurus (Ep 76), and Bonkers
:[[w:Mike Pollock|Mike Pollock]] – Mayor Len, Samo, Kit Cosmos, Chef Shittake, Lensaurus (Ep 76) and Samosaurus (Ep 76)
:[[w:Amy Birnbaum|Amy Birnbaum]] – Kirby (speaking parts in early episodes), Spikehead and Mabel
:[[w:David Lapkin|David Lapkin]] – Sir Ebrum, Dr. Yabui, Mr. Chip (Ep 83), and Dis Walney (Ep 89)
:[[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] – Rowlin and Sirica
:[[w:Darren Dunstan|Darren Dunstan]] – Kine and Dr. Moro
:[[w:Jerry Lobozzo|Jerry Lobozzo]] – Chief Bookem (1–75)
:[[w:Tara Jayne|Tara Jayne]] – Fololo, Falala, Princess Rona, and Commander Vee
:[[w:Dan Green|Dan Green]] – NME Salesman and Whispy Woods
:[[w:Kevin Kolack|Kevin Kolack]] – Tokkori, Knuckle Joe
:[[w:Jim Napolitano|Jim Napolitano]] – Kabu and Iro
:[[w:James Carter Cathcart|James Carter Cathcart]] – Sir Gallant
:[[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] – Buttercup, Mabel, and Lovely

== Japanese Voice Cast ==

{{Wikipedia}}
:[[w:Makiko Ohmoto|Makiko Ohmoto]] – Kirby, Hohhe, and Rick
:[[w:Sayuri Yoshida|Sayuri Yoshida]] – Fumu
:[[w:Rika Komatsu|Rika Komatsu]] – Bun 
:[[w:Kenichi Ogata (voice actor)|Kenichi Ogata]] – King Dedede
:[[w:Naoki Tatsuta|Naoki Tatsuta]] – Escargon
:[[w:Atsushi Kisaichi|Atsushi Kisaichi]] – Sir Meta Knight and Chief Borun
:[[w:Yuko Mizutani|Yuko Mizutani]] – Memu, Mabel, Waddle Doo, Lovely, Mini-Galbo, Walky, Phan-Phan, and Devil Frog
:[[w:Takashi Nagasako|Takashi Nagasako]] – Parm, Mayor Len, Professor Curio, and Beat 
:[[w:Chiro Kanzaki|Chiro Kanzaki]] – Lololo, Blade Knight, Kana, Iroo and Coo
:[[w:Madoka Akita|Madoka Akita]] – Lalala, Sato, Honey, Iroo's Mother, Princess Rona, Scarfy, and The Twin Nuts
:[[w:Osamu Hosoi|Osamu Hosoi]] – Gus, Whispy Woods, and Kittari Hattari
:[[w:Banjo Ginga|Banjo Ginga]] – Customer Service and Nightmare
:[[w:Fujiko Takimoto|Fujiko Takimoto]] – Tokkori and Honey's Mother 
:[[w:Hiroshi Naka|Hiroshi Naka]] – Dakonyo and Dr. Moro
:[[w:Isshin Chiba|Isshin Chiba]] – Yamikage and Monsieur Goan
:[[w:Kazunori Sekine|Kazunori Sekine]] – Dr. Yabui and Bibli
:[[w:Mizuki Saito|Mizuki Saito]] – Gangu and Tago
:[[w:Bin Shimada|Bin Shimada]] – Quixano
:[[w:Hikaru Tokita|Hikaru Tokita]] – Sword Knight
:[[w:Junichi Sugawara|Junichi Sugawara]] – Cook Osaka
:[[w:Kazue Ikura|Kazue Ikura]] – Broom King
:[[w:Keiko Yamamoto|Keiko Yamamoto]] – Escargon's Mother
:[[w:Minami Takayama|Minami Takayama]] – Knuckle Joe
:[[w:Kumiko Watanabe|Kumiko Watanabe]] – Benikage
:[[w:Norio Tsuboi|Norio Tsuboi]] – Chef Nagoya
:[[w:Shigeru Nakahara|Shigeru Nakahara]] – Mr. Chip
:[[w:Tomoe Hanba|Tomoe Hanba]] – Silica
:[[w:Tomomichi Nishimura|Tomomichi Nishimura]] – Master Bacteria
:[[w:Yuko Sasamoto|Yuko Sasamoto]] – Vee (Princess Rona)
:[[w:Yumi Toma|Yumi Toma]] – Rowlin

[[Category:Fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime]]
[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Grand Theft Auto V</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>148328</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146068</id>
      <parentid>3145429</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:22:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Undo revision 3145429 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) how the hell did you get unblocked</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="13635" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Grand Theft Auto V|Grand Theft Auto V]]''' (GTA V) is a sandbox-style action-adventure game developed by Rockstar North. It is the second HD game in the Grand Theft Auto video game franchise and the seventh original game overall.

==Trevor Philips==
===Crashing into a car===
:That was entirely your fault.
===Using special  ability===
:Helloooo, who wants some now?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:Where are you assholes hiding?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:Come here, somebody come here.

==Dialogue==
:''[Michael returns home and looks around]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': Amanda? Tracey? Yo! ''[steps out of the house and lights his cigarette and notices his wife and her coach's tennis racket laying beside the door and he walks back inside]'' Amanda! ''[walks upstairs]'' Amanda! Better not be... not my house!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[holding her towel]'' Fuck you, Michael, go away!
:'''Michael De Santa''': I'm paying that turd one hundred and fifty bucks an hour to fuck my wife, in my own bed?!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Michael, go away! ''[he enters their bedroom and finds her coach Kyle Chavis in his underwear standing on top of her bed]''
:'''Kyle Chavis''': Whoa, I'm sorry bro! She said you have arrangement! 
:'''Michael De Santa:''' ''[chasing him around the room]'' You and I gonna have an arrangement! I'm gonna arrange your fucking funeral!
:'''Kyle Chavis''': ''[Amanda holds Michael's arm]'' I'm sorry bro! I'll comp the session! I promise!
:'''Michael De Santa:''' You're a dead man! Fuck dead! ''[Kyle jumps into the window breaking it, knocking the flower box down as he jumps off]'' COME HERE!!! 
:''[Franklin Clinton arrives as Michael and Amanda rush downstairs]''
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[To Franklin]'' Hey you! Stop him!
:'''Franklin Clinton''': What's up man?
:'''Michael De Santa''': Get out of my way.
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Michael, calm down!
:'''Franklin Clinton''': ''[confused]'' What the fuck is going on?
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Nothing happened. It was just a misunderstanding.
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[To Franklin]'' She fucked a prick in my bed.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You bullshitting me?
:'''Amanda De Santa''': It wasn't like that!
:'''Michael De Santa''': You in?
:'''Franklin Clinton''': Fuck it, I'm in. Let's roll, let's get this motherfucker.
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[Franklin and Michael walk toward their truck]'' Just don't kill him! ''[rushes back inside and slams the door shut]''
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Michael is eating a bowl of potato chips while watching TV, Jimmy De Santa is in his room playing video games and shouting insults in his headphone and Michael turns the TV volume up, but he can't hear the TV voice as Jimmy De Santa is continuing insults and turns it off]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[gets up from the couch and walks toward to Jimmy's bedroom]'' Goddammit!! Jimmy! Goddammit! ''[enters his bedroom]'' The fuck you're doing?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Nothing.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Really? Cause I keep hearing &quot;hermaphrodite&quot; this, &quot;suck cock&quot; that.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Go away.
:'''Michael De Santa''': What?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Go watch your linear entertainment. Go watch porn. Just go away.
:'''Michael De Santa''': You fuck lazy shit! ''[picks up a chair and smashes Jimmy's TV with it]'' FUCK YOU!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[drops his control pad and gets up from his bed]'' What the fuck?!
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[throws the chair on the floor]'' Disrespectful little asshole!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': I can't believe you did that! That's my TV!
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[sternly]'' You don't talk to me like that!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': I can't believe you... Mom was right about you. You don't know any better and you can't help it. But, you're an asshole.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Yeah? Well, why don't you do something, then? Besides just stand there. Why don't you hit me?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Is that what you want? To be hit by your son?
:'''Michael De Santa''': Yeah... No... ''[calms down]'' I just want you to do something besides sit there... ''[looks and points at Jimmy's bed]'' eating.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[angry and sadly]'' Yeah, great. Thanks for the fucking guidance, dad. It means a lot. ''[about to step out of his bedroom]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': Wait! I was just trying to help you. ''[puts the chair back up]''
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[depressingly]'' Well, nothing says 'I love you' like smashing my fucking TV. Nothing at all! ''[sits on his bed weeping]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[ashamed]'' I'm sorry. I just wish we could do things together.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Yeah, what things?
:'''Michael De Santa''': I don't know. Go for walks. Play ball.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': You know I have bad glands.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Bike ride then.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Bike ride? You want to go on a fucking bike ride? ''[stands up from his bed]'' Fine! Fine, let's go on a fucking bike ride! ''[Walks out of his bedroom. Michael looks at Jimmy's smashed TV and walks out to follow Jimmy]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[softly]'' Fuck me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Michael has just rescued his daughter Tracey from what should have been a &quot;fun afternoon&quot; with friends]''
:'''Tracey De Santa''': I see, I see that traitor! ''[runs to Jimmy]'' Jimmy! You, you fucking asshole!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Hey he's the fucking asshole, okay? He smashed my TV and took me to the beach. The beach! With my skin!
:'''Tracey''': So what, you send him out so he could spoil my day too?!
:'''Jimmy''': I didn't know he was coming to come get you, I just told him where you were. You know, he got the crazy look in his eyes. You know, like he gets sometimes? And he just went! 
:'''Tracey''': I'm getting a cab.
:'''Jimmy''': I'm coming with you.
:'''Michael De Santa''': How about I just drive us home?
:'''Tracey''': ''[in tears]'' You ruined my life! ''[walks off and Jimmy follows her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Johnny Klebitz is furious at Trevor for having sex with Ashley]''
:'''Johnny Klebitz''': Trevor! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
:'''Trevor Philips''': ''[faces him]'' Are you? What are you sayin'?
:'''Johnny''': ''[suddenly cowed]'' Fucking my girl, man. It's wrong.
:'''Trevor''': Oh, I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead? Is that the problem here? ''[whispers]'' Take off your pants, cowboy, alright?  Let's... let's fuck.
:'''Johnny''': You think this is funny?
:'''Trevor''': Get them off!!
:'''Ron''': I told him to leave it, Trevor. I told him. Leave it. Leave it.
:'''Trevor''': Shut up, Ron. I'm about to fuck me a meth head, ain't I, cowboy? Get my boy sucked from his toothless gums.
:'''Johnny''': Fuck you, Trevor.
:'''Trevor''': Oh.
:'''Johnny''': I still love her.
:'''Trevor''': Alright, cowboy. Hey, I know. Hey, c'mon. ''[puts his arm around Johnny reassuringly]'' Shh... hey...
:'''Johnny''': I don't mean nothing by it, man. I just, I just...
:'''Trevor''': I know.
:'''Johnny''': I messed up.
:'''Trevor''': I know, cowboy. I know, man. Gimme a hug, yeah... ''[hugs Johnny]'' Shh...''[grabs Johnny by the neck and throws him to the ground, throws his beer bottle at Johnny's face, creating a large cut, and begins to stomp on his head.]'' FUCKING SHIT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! ''[Stomps one more time]'' Augh, cunt! ''[Stops stomping on his head]'' Who the fuck are you speaking to?! Who?! Who?! I'm talking to you, huh? You fuck!
:'''Ashley Butler''': Johnny!
:'''Trevor''': Next time, don't get in my fucking face! I just saw a fucking ghost, and I got to hear your crap?! Get up! Get up! ''[Realizing that he has killed Johnny]'' Fuck you then! ''[angrily walks to his truck]''
:'''Ashley''': ''[runs to Johnny's body and holds him in her arms]'' Johnny! ''[Begins weeping. Wade tries to walk over to comfort her]''
:'''Ron''': Wade. ''[Wade follows Ron and Trevor]''
:'''Trevor''': ''[Frustratingly]'' Fuck. Now we got to speak to Johnny's recently bereaved brothers./That dopey cowboy's forced our hand. Now we gotta find the rest of the Lost.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Having rescued Michael from an abattoir, Franklin asks what happened in the past with Trevor]''
:'''Michael de Santa''': ''[miffed at Franklin bringing up details]'' I know what you meant. ''[pause]'' Look, I made a judgment call. I don't know if it was the right one I did what I thought had to do. I had a young family, Franklin. I was running with a crew of crazy motherfuckers with nothing to lose. I saw an out, a future for me, for my family. I took it.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You took it? Man, you burned every motherfucker you've ever known. 
:'''Michael''': It was that or die. ''[Franklin groans]'' Look I know it sounds cold I don't expect you to understand it, not yet but you will when you got ties of your own. Look, you wake up one day and your legs, they just give... and you just can't run anymore.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[If Franklin Clinton is spotted by the De Santa family during the Complication mission]''
:'''Carlos''': Mr. De Santa! Someone is here!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[notices Franklin Clinton enters his room]'' Holy fucking shit, bro! ''[drops his control pad and gets up]'' Dad! Dad, there's a dude! Dad, help! Dad!
:'''Tracey De Santa''': ''[gasps seeing Franklin Clinton entering her room]'' Who the fuck are you?! Dad! AHHHHHHH! Dad! AHHHHH!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[laughing then screams upon seeing Franklin Clinton]'' Who the fuck are you? Do something!
:'''Kyle Chavis''': Can I help you? Help! Help! He.. he's black! Help!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[If Trevor Philips did not use adrenaline on Ferdinand Kerimov during By the Book mission]''
:'''Steve Haines''': Now hold on, hold on, wh-what the fuck, hold on.... ''[looks at a limped Ferdinand then to Dave Norton and Michael De Santa on the line]'' Forget it. ''[hangs up]'' He's fucking dead.
:'''Trevor''': ''[puts his fingers on Ferdinand's neck to check his status]'' Oh yeah, poor bastard, man.
:'''Steve Haines:''' ''[angry]'' You are a fucking moron.
:'''Trevor''': Whoa. ''[pointing at the lifeless Ferdinand]'' Hey, I just spent the past few hours torturing a seemingly innocent guy to death, and I don't even know why I did it. ''[getting angry]'' So does that make me a fucking moron?!
:'''Steve Haines''': ''[Threatening]'' You'll going down punk. At the exact moment I get bored with you, your little racket... will end. ''[walks away]''
:'''Trevor''': Yeah... yeah, you love those fucking tough guy lines don't you. huh?! ''[swings a kick]'' Fuck you! ''[walks off]''

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* GTA is an action-adventure video game situated in a fictional highly violent game world in which players are rewarded for their use of violence as a means to advance in the game. The single-player story follows three criminals and their efforts to commit heists while under pressure from a government agency. The gameplay focuses on an open world (sandbox game) where the player can choose between different behaviours. The game also allows the player to engage in various side activities, such as action-adventure, driving, third-person shooting, occasional role-playing, stealth and racing elements. The open world design lets players freely roam around the fictional world so that gamers could in principle decide not to commit violent acts.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019) 

* Within the scope of the present study we tested the potential effects of playing the violent video game GTA V for 2 months against an active control group that played the non-violent, rather pro-social life simulation game [[w:The Sims 3|Sims 3]] and a passive control group. Participants were tested before and after the long-term intervention and at a follow-up appointment 2 months later. Although we used a comprehensive test battery consisting of questionnaires and computerised behavioural tests assessing aggression, impulsivity-related constructs, mood, anxiety, empathy, interpersonal competencies and executive control functions, we did not find relevant negative effects in response to violent video game playing. In fact, only three tests of the 208 statistical tests performed showed a significant interaction pattern that would be in line with this hypothesis. Since at least ten significant effects would be expected purely by chance, we conclude that there were no detrimental effects of violent video gameplay. &lt;br&gt; This finding stands in contrast to some experimental studies, in which short-term effects of violent video game exposure have been investigated and where increases in aggressive thoughts and affect as well as decreases in helping behaviour have been observed. However, these effects of violent video gaming on aggressiveness—if present at all (see above)—seem to be rather short-lived, potentially lasting &lt;15 min. In addition, these short-term effects of video gaming are far from consistent as multiple studies fail to demonstrate or replicate them.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category: Grand Theft Auto (series)]]
[[Category:2013 video games]]</text>
      <sha1>m1hqohts48ozyoownfx7f6j6gydflz4</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146139</id>
      <parentid>3146068</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:10:32Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Undo revision 3146068 by [[Special:Contributions/Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]])three quotes per game. editor taking things too personal once more</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7174" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Grand Theft Auto V|Grand Theft Auto V]]''''' (GTA V) is a sandbox-style action-adventure game developed by Rockstar North. It is the second HD game in the Grand Theft Auto video game franchise and seventh original game overall.

==Dialogue==
:''[Michael has just rescued his daughter Tracey from what should have been a &quot;fun afternoon&quot; with friends]''
:'''Tracey De Santa''': I see, I see that traitor! ''[runs to Jimmy]'' Jimmy! You, you fucking asshole!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Hey he's the fucking asshole, okay? He smashed my TV and took me to the beach. The beach! With my skin!
:'''Tracey''': So what, you send him out so he could spoil my day too?!
:'''Jimmy''': I didn't know he was coming to come get you, I just told him where you were. You know, he got the crazy look in his eyes. You know, like he gets sometimes? And he just went! 
:'''Tracey''': I'm getting a cab.
:'''Jimmy''': I'm coming with you.
:'''Michael De Santa''': How about I just drive us home?
:'''Tracey''': ''[in tears]'' You ruined my life! ''[walks off and Jimmy follows her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Johnny Klebitz is furious at Trevor for having sex with Ashley]''
:'''Johnny Klebitz''': Trevor! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
:'''Trevor Philips''': ''[faces him]'' Are you? What are you sayin'?
:'''Johnny''': ''[suddenly cowed]'' Fucking my girl, man. It's wrong.
:'''Trevor''': Oh, I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead? Is that the problem here? ''[whispers]'' Take off your pants, cowboy, alright?  Let's... let's fuck.
:'''Johnny''': You think this is funny?
:'''Trevor''': GET THEM OFF!!!
:'''Ron''': I told him to leave it, Trevor. I told him. Leave it. Leave it.
:'''Trevor''': Shut up, Ron. I'm about to fuck me a meth head, ain't I, cowboy? Get my boy sucked from his toothless gums.
:'''Johnny''': Fuck you, Trevor.
:'''Trevor''': Oh.
:'''Johnny''': I still love her.
:'''Trevor''': Alright, cowboy. Hey, I know. Hey, c'mon. ''[puts his arm around Johnny reassuringly]'' Shh... hey...
:'''Johnny''': I don't mean nothing by it, man. I just, I just...
:'''Trevor''': I know.
:'''Johnny''': I messed up.
:'''Trevor''': I know, cowboy. I know, man. Gimme a hug, yeah... ''[hugs Johnny]'' Shh...''[grabs Johnny by the neck and throws him to the ground, throws his beer bottle at Johnny's face, creating a large cut and begins to violently stomp on his head.]'' FUCKING SHIT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! ''[Stomps one more time]'' AUGH, CUNT! ''[Stops stomping on his head]'' WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SPEAKING TO!?!?! WHO?! WHO?! I'M TALKING TO YOU, HUH? YOU FUCK!
:'''Ashley Butler''': Johnny!
:'''Trevor''': NEXT TIME, DON'T GET IN MY FUCKING FACE!!!! I JUST SAW A FUCKING GHOST, AND I GOT TO HEAR YOUR CRAP?! GET UP! GET UP! ''[Realizing that he has killed Johnny]'' Fuck you then! ''[angrily walks to his truck]''
:'''Ashley''': ''[runs to Johnny's body and holds him in her arms]'' Johnny! ''[Begins weeping. Wade tries to walk over to comfort her]''
:'''Ron''': Wade. ''[Wade follows Ron and Trevor]''
:'''Trevor''': ''[Frustratingly]'' Fuck. Now we got to speak to Johnny's recently bereaved brothers./That dopey cowboy's forced our hand. Now we gotta find the rest of the Lost.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Having rescued Michael from an abattoir, Franklin asks what happened in the past with Trevor]''
:'''Michael de Santa''': ''[miffed at Franklin bringing up details]'' I know what you meant. ''[pause]'' Look, I made a judgment call. I don't know if it was the right one I did what I thought had to do. I had a young family, Franklin. I was running with a crew of crazy motherfuckers with nothing to lose. I saw an out, a future for me, for my family. I took it.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You took it? Man, you burned every motherfucker you've ever known. 
:'''Michael''': It was that or die. ''[Franklin groans]'' Look I know it sounds cold I don't expect you to understand it, not yet but you will when you got ties of your own. Look, you wake up one day and your legs, they just give... and you just can't run anymore.

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* GTA is an action-adventure video game situated in a fictional highly violent game world in which players are rewarded for their use of violence as a means to advance in the game. The single-player story follows three criminals and their efforts to commit heists while under pressure from a government agency. The gameplay focuses on an open world (sandbox game) where the player can choose between different behaviours. The game also allows the player to engage in various side activities, such as action-adventure, driving, third-person shooting, occasional role-playing, stealth and racing elements. The open world design lets players freely roam around the fictional world so that gamers could in principle decide not to commit violent acts.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019) 

* Within the scope of the present study we tested the potential effects of playing the violent video game GTA V for 2 months against an active control group that played the non-violent, rather pro-social life simulation game [[w:The Sims 3|Sims 3]] and a passive control group. Participants were tested before and after the long-term intervention and at a follow-up appointment 2 months later. Although we used a comprehensive test battery consisting of questionnaires and computerised behavioural tests assessing aggression, impulsivity-related constructs, mood, anxiety, empathy, interpersonal competencies and executive control functions, we did not find relevant negative effects in response to violent video game playing. In fact, only three tests of the 208 statistical tests performed showed a significant interaction pattern that would be in line with this hypothesis. Since at least ten significant effects would be expected purely by chance, we conclude that there were no detrimental effects of violent video gameplay. &lt;br&gt; This finding stands in contrast to some experimental studies, in which short-term effects of violent video game exposure have been investigated and where increases in aggressive thoughts and affect as well as decreases in helping behaviour have been observed. However, these effects of violent video gaming on aggressiveness—if present at all (see above)—seem to be rather short-lived, potentially lasting &lt;15 min. In addition, these short-term effects of video gaming are far from consistent as multiple studies fail to demonstrate or replicate them.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category: Grand Theft Auto (series)]]
[[Category:2013 video games]]</text>
      <sha1>h0jqe2zlt9rc7kbaapdjbagnps6i6h1</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146165</id>
      <parentid>3146139</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:13:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Undo revision 3146139 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]])</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="13635" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Grand Theft Auto V|Grand Theft Auto V]]''' (GTA V) is a sandbox-style action-adventure game developed by Rockstar North. It is the second HD game in the Grand Theft Auto video game franchise and the seventh original game overall.

==Trevor Philips==
===Crashing into a car===
:That was entirely your fault.
===Using special  ability===
:Helloooo, who wants some now?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:Where are you assholes hiding?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:Come here, somebody come here.

==Dialogue==
:''[Michael returns home and looks around]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': Amanda? Tracey? Yo! ''[steps out of the house and lights his cigarette and notices his wife and her coach's tennis racket laying beside the door and he walks back inside]'' Amanda! ''[walks upstairs]'' Amanda! Better not be... not my house!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[holding her towel]'' Fuck you, Michael, go away!
:'''Michael De Santa''': I'm paying that turd one hundred and fifty bucks an hour to fuck my wife, in my own bed?!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Michael, go away! ''[he enters their bedroom and finds her coach Kyle Chavis in his underwear standing on top of her bed]''
:'''Kyle Chavis''': Whoa, I'm sorry bro! She said you have arrangement! 
:'''Michael De Santa:''' ''[chasing him around the room]'' You and I gonna have an arrangement! I'm gonna arrange your fucking funeral!
:'''Kyle Chavis''': ''[Amanda holds Michael's arm]'' I'm sorry bro! I'll comp the session! I promise!
:'''Michael De Santa:''' You're a dead man! Fuck dead! ''[Kyle jumps into the window breaking it, knocking the flower box down as he jumps off]'' COME HERE!!! 
:''[Franklin Clinton arrives as Michael and Amanda rush downstairs]''
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[To Franklin]'' Hey you! Stop him!
:'''Franklin Clinton''': What's up man?
:'''Michael De Santa''': Get out of my way.
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Michael, calm down!
:'''Franklin Clinton''': ''[confused]'' What the fuck is going on?
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Nothing happened. It was just a misunderstanding.
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[To Franklin]'' She fucked a prick in my bed.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You bullshitting me?
:'''Amanda De Santa''': It wasn't like that!
:'''Michael De Santa''': You in?
:'''Franklin Clinton''': Fuck it, I'm in. Let's roll, let's get this motherfucker.
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[Franklin and Michael walk toward their truck]'' Just don't kill him! ''[rushes back inside and slams the door shut]''
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Michael is eating a bowl of potato chips while watching TV, Jimmy De Santa is in his room playing video games and shouting insults in his headphone and Michael turns the TV volume up, but he can't hear the TV voice as Jimmy De Santa is continuing insults and turns it off]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[gets up from the couch and walks toward to Jimmy's bedroom]'' Goddammit!! Jimmy! Goddammit! ''[enters his bedroom]'' The fuck you're doing?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Nothing.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Really? Cause I keep hearing &quot;hermaphrodite&quot; this, &quot;suck cock&quot; that.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Go away.
:'''Michael De Santa''': What?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Go watch your linear entertainment. Go watch porn. Just go away.
:'''Michael De Santa''': You fuck lazy shit! ''[picks up a chair and smashes Jimmy's TV with it]'' FUCK YOU!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[drops his control pad and gets up from his bed]'' What the fuck?!
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[throws the chair on the floor]'' Disrespectful little asshole!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': I can't believe you did that! That's my TV!
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[sternly]'' You don't talk to me like that!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': I can't believe you... Mom was right about you. You don't know any better and you can't help it. But, you're an asshole.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Yeah? Well, why don't you do something, then? Besides just stand there. Why don't you hit me?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Is that what you want? To be hit by your son?
:'''Michael De Santa''': Yeah... No... ''[calms down]'' I just want you to do something besides sit there... ''[looks and points at Jimmy's bed]'' eating.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[angry and sadly]'' Yeah, great. Thanks for the fucking guidance, dad. It means a lot. ''[about to step out of his bedroom]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': Wait! I was just trying to help you. ''[puts the chair back up]''
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[depressingly]'' Well, nothing says 'I love you' like smashing my fucking TV. Nothing at all! ''[sits on his bed weeping]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[ashamed]'' I'm sorry. I just wish we could do things together.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Yeah, what things?
:'''Michael De Santa''': I don't know. Go for walks. Play ball.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': You know I have bad glands.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Bike ride then.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Bike ride? You want to go on a fucking bike ride? ''[stands up from his bed]'' Fine! Fine, let's go on a fucking bike ride! ''[Walks out of his bedroom. Michael looks at Jimmy's smashed TV and walks out to follow Jimmy]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[softly]'' Fuck me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Michael has just rescued his daughter Tracey from what should have been a &quot;fun afternoon&quot; with friends]''
:'''Tracey De Santa''': I see, I see that traitor! ''[runs to Jimmy]'' Jimmy! You, you fucking asshole!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Hey he's the fucking asshole, okay? He smashed my TV and took me to the beach. The beach! With my skin!
:'''Tracey''': So what, you send him out so he could spoil my day too?!
:'''Jimmy''': I didn't know he was coming to come get you, I just told him where you were. You know, he got the crazy look in his eyes. You know, like he gets sometimes? And he just went! 
:'''Tracey''': I'm getting a cab.
:'''Jimmy''': I'm coming with you.
:'''Michael De Santa''': How about I just drive us home?
:'''Tracey''': ''[in tears]'' You ruined my life! ''[walks off and Jimmy follows her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Johnny Klebitz is furious at Trevor for having sex with Ashley]''
:'''Johnny Klebitz''': Trevor! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
:'''Trevor Philips''': ''[faces him]'' Are you? What are you sayin'?
:'''Johnny''': ''[suddenly cowed]'' Fucking my girl, man. It's wrong.
:'''Trevor''': Oh, I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead? Is that the problem here? ''[whispers]'' Take off your pants, cowboy, alright?  Let's... let's fuck.
:'''Johnny''': You think this is funny?
:'''Trevor''': Get them off!!
:'''Ron''': I told him to leave it, Trevor. I told him. Leave it. Leave it.
:'''Trevor''': Shut up, Ron. I'm about to fuck me a meth head, ain't I, cowboy? Get my boy sucked from his toothless gums.
:'''Johnny''': Fuck you, Trevor.
:'''Trevor''': Oh.
:'''Johnny''': I still love her.
:'''Trevor''': Alright, cowboy. Hey, I know. Hey, c'mon. ''[puts his arm around Johnny reassuringly]'' Shh... hey...
:'''Johnny''': I don't mean nothing by it, man. I just, I just...
:'''Trevor''': I know.
:'''Johnny''': I messed up.
:'''Trevor''': I know, cowboy. I know, man. Gimme a hug, yeah... ''[hugs Johnny]'' Shh...''[grabs Johnny by the neck and throws him to the ground, throws his beer bottle at Johnny's face, creating a large cut, and begins to stomp on his head.]'' FUCKING SHIT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! ''[Stomps one more time]'' Augh, cunt! ''[Stops stomping on his head]'' Who the fuck are you speaking to?! Who?! Who?! I'm talking to you, huh? You fuck!
:'''Ashley Butler''': Johnny!
:'''Trevor''': Next time, don't get in my fucking face! I just saw a fucking ghost, and I got to hear your crap?! Get up! Get up! ''[Realizing that he has killed Johnny]'' Fuck you then! ''[angrily walks to his truck]''
:'''Ashley''': ''[runs to Johnny's body and holds him in her arms]'' Johnny! ''[Begins weeping. Wade tries to walk over to comfort her]''
:'''Ron''': Wade. ''[Wade follows Ron and Trevor]''
:'''Trevor''': ''[Frustratingly]'' Fuck. Now we got to speak to Johnny's recently bereaved brothers./That dopey cowboy's forced our hand. Now we gotta find the rest of the Lost.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Having rescued Michael from an abattoir, Franklin asks what happened in the past with Trevor]''
:'''Michael de Santa''': ''[miffed at Franklin bringing up details]'' I know what you meant. ''[pause]'' Look, I made a judgment call. I don't know if it was the right one I did what I thought had to do. I had a young family, Franklin. I was running with a crew of crazy motherfuckers with nothing to lose. I saw an out, a future for me, for my family. I took it.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You took it? Man, you burned every motherfucker you've ever known. 
:'''Michael''': It was that or die. ''[Franklin groans]'' Look I know it sounds cold I don't expect you to understand it, not yet but you will when you got ties of your own. Look, you wake up one day and your legs, they just give... and you just can't run anymore.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[If Franklin Clinton is spotted by the De Santa family during the Complication mission]''
:'''Carlos''': Mr. De Santa! Someone is here!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[notices Franklin Clinton enters his room]'' Holy fucking shit, bro! ''[drops his control pad and gets up]'' Dad! Dad, there's a dude! Dad, help! Dad!
:'''Tracey De Santa''': ''[gasps seeing Franklin Clinton entering her room]'' Who the fuck are you?! Dad! AHHHHHHH! Dad! AHHHHH!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[laughing then screams upon seeing Franklin Clinton]'' Who the fuck are you? Do something!
:'''Kyle Chavis''': Can I help you? Help! Help! He.. he's black! Help!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[If Trevor Philips did not use adrenaline on Ferdinand Kerimov during By the Book mission]''
:'''Steve Haines''': Now hold on, hold on, wh-what the fuck, hold on.... ''[looks at a limped Ferdinand then to Dave Norton and Michael De Santa on the line]'' Forget it. ''[hangs up]'' He's fucking dead.
:'''Trevor''': ''[puts his fingers on Ferdinand's neck to check his status]'' Oh yeah, poor bastard, man.
:'''Steve Haines:''' ''[angry]'' You are a fucking moron.
:'''Trevor''': Whoa. ''[pointing at the lifeless Ferdinand]'' Hey, I just spent the past few hours torturing a seemingly innocent guy to death, and I don't even know why I did it. ''[getting angry]'' So does that make me a fucking moron?!
:'''Steve Haines''': ''[Threatening]'' You'll going down punk. At the exact moment I get bored with you, your little racket... will end. ''[walks away]''
:'''Trevor''': Yeah... yeah, you love those fucking tough guy lines don't you. huh?! ''[swings a kick]'' Fuck you! ''[walks off]''

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* GTA is an action-adventure video game situated in a fictional highly violent game world in which players are rewarded for their use of violence as a means to advance in the game. The single-player story follows three criminals and their efforts to commit heists while under pressure from a government agency. The gameplay focuses on an open world (sandbox game) where the player can choose between different behaviours. The game also allows the player to engage in various side activities, such as action-adventure, driving, third-person shooting, occasional role-playing, stealth and racing elements. The open world design lets players freely roam around the fictional world so that gamers could in principle decide not to commit violent acts.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019) 

* Within the scope of the present study we tested the potential effects of playing the violent video game GTA V for 2 months against an active control group that played the non-violent, rather pro-social life simulation game [[w:The Sims 3|Sims 3]] and a passive control group. Participants were tested before and after the long-term intervention and at a follow-up appointment 2 months later. Although we used a comprehensive test battery consisting of questionnaires and computerised behavioural tests assessing aggression, impulsivity-related constructs, mood, anxiety, empathy, interpersonal competencies and executive control functions, we did not find relevant negative effects in response to violent video game playing. In fact, only three tests of the 208 statistical tests performed showed a significant interaction pattern that would be in line with this hypothesis. Since at least ten significant effects would be expected purely by chance, we conclude that there were no detrimental effects of violent video gameplay. &lt;br&gt; This finding stands in contrast to some experimental studies, in which short-term effects of violent video game exposure have been investigated and where increases in aggressive thoughts and affect as well as decreases in helping behaviour have been observed. However, these effects of violent video gaming on aggressiveness—if present at all (see above)—seem to be rather short-lived, potentially lasting &lt;15 min. In addition, these short-term effects of video gaming are far from consistent as multiple studies fail to demonstrate or replicate them.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category: Grand Theft Auto (series)]]
[[Category:2013 video games]]</text>
      <sha1>m1hqohts48ozyoownfx7f6j6gydflz4</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146178</id>
      <parentid>3146165</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:20:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Undo revision 3146165 by [[Special:Contributions/Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]])combative bloating</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7174" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Grand Theft Auto V|Grand Theft Auto V]]''''' (GTA V) is a sandbox-style action-adventure game developed by Rockstar North. It is the second HD game in the Grand Theft Auto video game franchise and seventh original game overall.

==Dialogue==
:''[Michael has just rescued his daughter Tracey from what should have been a &quot;fun afternoon&quot; with friends]''
:'''Tracey De Santa''': I see, I see that traitor! ''[runs to Jimmy]'' Jimmy! You, you fucking asshole!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Hey he's the fucking asshole, okay? He smashed my TV and took me to the beach. The beach! With my skin!
:'''Tracey''': So what, you send him out so he could spoil my day too?!
:'''Jimmy''': I didn't know he was coming to come get you, I just told him where you were. You know, he got the crazy look in his eyes. You know, like he gets sometimes? And he just went! 
:'''Tracey''': I'm getting a cab.
:'''Jimmy''': I'm coming with you.
:'''Michael De Santa''': How about I just drive us home?
:'''Tracey''': ''[in tears]'' You ruined my life! ''[walks off and Jimmy follows her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Johnny Klebitz is furious at Trevor for having sex with Ashley]''
:'''Johnny Klebitz''': Trevor! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
:'''Trevor Philips''': ''[faces him]'' Are you? What are you sayin'?
:'''Johnny''': ''[suddenly cowed]'' Fucking my girl, man. It's wrong.
:'''Trevor''': Oh, I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead? Is that the problem here? ''[whispers]'' Take off your pants, cowboy, alright?  Let's... let's fuck.
:'''Johnny''': You think this is funny?
:'''Trevor''': GET THEM OFF!!!
:'''Ron''': I told him to leave it, Trevor. I told him. Leave it. Leave it.
:'''Trevor''': Shut up, Ron. I'm about to fuck me a meth head, ain't I, cowboy? Get my boy sucked from his toothless gums.
:'''Johnny''': Fuck you, Trevor.
:'''Trevor''': Oh.
:'''Johnny''': I still love her.
:'''Trevor''': Alright, cowboy. Hey, I know. Hey, c'mon. ''[puts his arm around Johnny reassuringly]'' Shh... hey...
:'''Johnny''': I don't mean nothing by it, man. I just, I just...
:'''Trevor''': I know.
:'''Johnny''': I messed up.
:'''Trevor''': I know, cowboy. I know, man. Gimme a hug, yeah... ''[hugs Johnny]'' Shh...''[grabs Johnny by the neck and throws him to the ground, throws his beer bottle at Johnny's face, creating a large cut and begins to violently stomp on his head.]'' FUCKING SHIT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! ''[Stomps one more time]'' AUGH, CUNT! ''[Stops stomping on his head]'' WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SPEAKING TO!?!?! WHO?! WHO?! I'M TALKING TO YOU, HUH? YOU FUCK!
:'''Ashley Butler''': Johnny!
:'''Trevor''': NEXT TIME, DON'T GET IN MY FUCKING FACE!!!! I JUST SAW A FUCKING GHOST, AND I GOT TO HEAR YOUR CRAP?! GET UP! GET UP! ''[Realizing that he has killed Johnny]'' Fuck you then! ''[angrily walks to his truck]''
:'''Ashley''': ''[runs to Johnny's body and holds him in her arms]'' Johnny! ''[Begins weeping. Wade tries to walk over to comfort her]''
:'''Ron''': Wade. ''[Wade follows Ron and Trevor]''
:'''Trevor''': ''[Frustratingly]'' Fuck. Now we got to speak to Johnny's recently bereaved brothers./That dopey cowboy's forced our hand. Now we gotta find the rest of the Lost.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Having rescued Michael from an abattoir, Franklin asks what happened in the past with Trevor]''
:'''Michael de Santa''': ''[miffed at Franklin bringing up details]'' I know what you meant. ''[pause]'' Look, I made a judgment call. I don't know if it was the right one I did what I thought had to do. I had a young family, Franklin. I was running with a crew of crazy motherfuckers with nothing to lose. I saw an out, a future for me, for my family. I took it.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You took it? Man, you burned every motherfucker you've ever known. 
:'''Michael''': It was that or die. ''[Franklin groans]'' Look I know it sounds cold I don't expect you to understand it, not yet but you will when you got ties of your own. Look, you wake up one day and your legs, they just give... and you just can't run anymore.

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* GTA is an action-adventure video game situated in a fictional highly violent game world in which players are rewarded for their use of violence as a means to advance in the game. The single-player story follows three criminals and their efforts to commit heists while under pressure from a government agency. The gameplay focuses on an open world (sandbox game) where the player can choose between different behaviours. The game also allows the player to engage in various side activities, such as action-adventure, driving, third-person shooting, occasional role-playing, stealth and racing elements. The open world design lets players freely roam around the fictional world so that gamers could in principle decide not to commit violent acts.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019) 

* Within the scope of the present study we tested the potential effects of playing the violent video game GTA V for 2 months against an active control group that played the non-violent, rather pro-social life simulation game [[w:The Sims 3|Sims 3]] and a passive control group. Participants were tested before and after the long-term intervention and at a follow-up appointment 2 months later. Although we used a comprehensive test battery consisting of questionnaires and computerised behavioural tests assessing aggression, impulsivity-related constructs, mood, anxiety, empathy, interpersonal competencies and executive control functions, we did not find relevant negative effects in response to violent video game playing. In fact, only three tests of the 208 statistical tests performed showed a significant interaction pattern that would be in line with this hypothesis. Since at least ten significant effects would be expected purely by chance, we conclude that there were no detrimental effects of violent video gameplay. &lt;br&gt; This finding stands in contrast to some experimental studies, in which short-term effects of violent video game exposure have been investigated and where increases in aggressive thoughts and affect as well as decreases in helping behaviour have been observed. However, these effects of violent video gaming on aggressiveness—if present at all (see above)—seem to be rather short-lived, potentially lasting &lt;15 min. In addition, these short-term effects of video gaming are far from consistent as multiple studies fail to demonstrate or replicate them.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category: Grand Theft Auto (series)]]
[[Category:2013 video games]]</text>
      <sha1>h0jqe2zlt9rc7kbaapdjbagnps6i6h1</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146181</id>
      <parentid>3146178</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:21:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Undo revision 3146178 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]]) Answer the talk page query</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="13635" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Grand Theft Auto V|Grand Theft Auto V]]''' (GTA V) is a sandbox-style action-adventure game developed by Rockstar North. It is the second HD game in the Grand Theft Auto video game franchise and the seventh original game overall.

==Trevor Philips==
===Crashing into a car===
:That was entirely your fault.
===Using special  ability===
:Helloooo, who wants some now?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:Where are you assholes hiding?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:Come here, somebody come here.

==Dialogue==
:''[Michael returns home and looks around]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': Amanda? Tracey? Yo! ''[steps out of the house and lights his cigarette and notices his wife and her coach's tennis racket laying beside the door and he walks back inside]'' Amanda! ''[walks upstairs]'' Amanda! Better not be... not my house!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[holding her towel]'' Fuck you, Michael, go away!
:'''Michael De Santa''': I'm paying that turd one hundred and fifty bucks an hour to fuck my wife, in my own bed?!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Michael, go away! ''[he enters their bedroom and finds her coach Kyle Chavis in his underwear standing on top of her bed]''
:'''Kyle Chavis''': Whoa, I'm sorry bro! She said you have arrangement! 
:'''Michael De Santa:''' ''[chasing him around the room]'' You and I gonna have an arrangement! I'm gonna arrange your fucking funeral!
:'''Kyle Chavis''': ''[Amanda holds Michael's arm]'' I'm sorry bro! I'll comp the session! I promise!
:'''Michael De Santa:''' You're a dead man! Fuck dead! ''[Kyle jumps into the window breaking it, knocking the flower box down as he jumps off]'' COME HERE!!! 
:''[Franklin Clinton arrives as Michael and Amanda rush downstairs]''
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[To Franklin]'' Hey you! Stop him!
:'''Franklin Clinton''': What's up man?
:'''Michael De Santa''': Get out of my way.
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Michael, calm down!
:'''Franklin Clinton''': ''[confused]'' What the fuck is going on?
:'''Amanda De Santa''': Nothing happened. It was just a misunderstanding.
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[To Franklin]'' She fucked a prick in my bed.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You bullshitting me?
:'''Amanda De Santa''': It wasn't like that!
:'''Michael De Santa''': You in?
:'''Franklin Clinton''': Fuck it, I'm in. Let's roll, let's get this motherfucker.
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[Franklin and Michael walk toward their truck]'' Just don't kill him! ''[rushes back inside and slams the door shut]''
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Michael is eating a bowl of potato chips while watching TV, Jimmy De Santa is in his room playing video games and shouting insults in his headphone and Michael turns the TV volume up, but he can't hear the TV voice as Jimmy De Santa is continuing insults and turns it off]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[gets up from the couch and walks toward to Jimmy's bedroom]'' Goddammit!! Jimmy! Goddammit! ''[enters his bedroom]'' The fuck you're doing?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Nothing.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Really? Cause I keep hearing &quot;hermaphrodite&quot; this, &quot;suck cock&quot; that.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Go away.
:'''Michael De Santa''': What?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Go watch your linear entertainment. Go watch porn. Just go away.
:'''Michael De Santa''': You fuck lazy shit! ''[picks up a chair and smashes Jimmy's TV with it]'' FUCK YOU!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[drops his control pad and gets up from his bed]'' What the fuck?!
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[throws the chair on the floor]'' Disrespectful little asshole!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': I can't believe you did that! That's my TV!
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[sternly]'' You don't talk to me like that!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': I can't believe you... Mom was right about you. You don't know any better and you can't help it. But, you're an asshole.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Yeah? Well, why don't you do something, then? Besides just stand there. Why don't you hit me?
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Is that what you want? To be hit by your son?
:'''Michael De Santa''': Yeah... No... ''[calms down]'' I just want you to do something besides sit there... ''[looks and points at Jimmy's bed]'' eating.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[angry and sadly]'' Yeah, great. Thanks for the fucking guidance, dad. It means a lot. ''[about to step out of his bedroom]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': Wait! I was just trying to help you. ''[puts the chair back up]''
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[depressingly]'' Well, nothing says 'I love you' like smashing my fucking TV. Nothing at all! ''[sits on his bed weeping]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[ashamed]'' I'm sorry. I just wish we could do things together.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Yeah, what things?
:'''Michael De Santa''': I don't know. Go for walks. Play ball.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': You know I have bad glands.
:'''Michael De Santa''': Bike ride then.
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Bike ride? You want to go on a fucking bike ride? ''[stands up from his bed]'' Fine! Fine, let's go on a fucking bike ride! ''[Walks out of his bedroom. Michael looks at Jimmy's smashed TV and walks out to follow Jimmy]''
:'''Michael De Santa''': ''[softly]'' Fuck me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Michael has just rescued his daughter Tracey from what should have been a &quot;fun afternoon&quot; with friends]''
:'''Tracey De Santa''': I see, I see that traitor! ''[runs to Jimmy]'' Jimmy! You, you fucking asshole!!!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': Hey he's the fucking asshole, okay? He smashed my TV and took me to the beach. The beach! With my skin!
:'''Tracey''': So what, you send him out so he could spoil my day too?!
:'''Jimmy''': I didn't know he was coming to come get you, I just told him where you were. You know, he got the crazy look in his eyes. You know, like he gets sometimes? And he just went! 
:'''Tracey''': I'm getting a cab.
:'''Jimmy''': I'm coming with you.
:'''Michael De Santa''': How about I just drive us home?
:'''Tracey''': ''[in tears]'' You ruined my life! ''[walks off and Jimmy follows her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Johnny Klebitz is furious at Trevor for having sex with Ashley]''
:'''Johnny Klebitz''': Trevor! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
:'''Trevor Philips''': ''[faces him]'' Are you? What are you sayin'?
:'''Johnny''': ''[suddenly cowed]'' Fucking my girl, man. It's wrong.
:'''Trevor''': Oh, I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead? Is that the problem here? ''[whispers]'' Take off your pants, cowboy, alright?  Let's... let's fuck.
:'''Johnny''': You think this is funny?
:'''Trevor''': Get them off!!
:'''Ron''': I told him to leave it, Trevor. I told him. Leave it. Leave it.
:'''Trevor''': Shut up, Ron. I'm about to fuck me a meth head, ain't I, cowboy? Get my boy sucked from his toothless gums.
:'''Johnny''': Fuck you, Trevor.
:'''Trevor''': Oh.
:'''Johnny''': I still love her.
:'''Trevor''': Alright, cowboy. Hey, I know. Hey, c'mon. ''[puts his arm around Johnny reassuringly]'' Shh... hey...
:'''Johnny''': I don't mean nothing by it, man. I just, I just...
:'''Trevor''': I know.
:'''Johnny''': I messed up.
:'''Trevor''': I know, cowboy. I know, man. Gimme a hug, yeah... ''[hugs Johnny]'' Shh...''[grabs Johnny by the neck and throws him to the ground, throws his beer bottle at Johnny's face, creating a large cut, and begins to stomp on his head.]'' FUCKING SHIT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! ''[Stomps one more time]'' Augh, cunt! ''[Stops stomping on his head]'' Who the fuck are you speaking to?! Who?! Who?! I'm talking to you, huh? You fuck!
:'''Ashley Butler''': Johnny!
:'''Trevor''': Next time, don't get in my fucking face! I just saw a fucking ghost, and I got to hear your crap?! Get up! Get up! ''[Realizing that he has killed Johnny]'' Fuck you then! ''[angrily walks to his truck]''
:'''Ashley''': ''[runs to Johnny's body and holds him in her arms]'' Johnny! ''[Begins weeping. Wade tries to walk over to comfort her]''
:'''Ron''': Wade. ''[Wade follows Ron and Trevor]''
:'''Trevor''': ''[Frustratingly]'' Fuck. Now we got to speak to Johnny's recently bereaved brothers./That dopey cowboy's forced our hand. Now we gotta find the rest of the Lost.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Having rescued Michael from an abattoir, Franklin asks what happened in the past with Trevor]''
:'''Michael de Santa''': ''[miffed at Franklin bringing up details]'' I know what you meant. ''[pause]'' Look, I made a judgment call. I don't know if it was the right one I did what I thought had to do. I had a young family, Franklin. I was running with a crew of crazy motherfuckers with nothing to lose. I saw an out, a future for me, for my family. I took it.
:'''Franklin Clinton''': You took it? Man, you burned every motherfucker you've ever known. 
:'''Michael''': It was that or die. ''[Franklin groans]'' Look I know it sounds cold I don't expect you to understand it, not yet but you will when you got ties of your own. Look, you wake up one day and your legs, they just give... and you just can't run anymore.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[If Franklin Clinton is spotted by the De Santa family during the Complication mission]''
:'''Carlos''': Mr. De Santa! Someone is here!
:'''Jimmy De Santa''': ''[notices Franklin Clinton enters his room]'' Holy fucking shit, bro! ''[drops his control pad and gets up]'' Dad! Dad, there's a dude! Dad, help! Dad!
:'''Tracey De Santa''': ''[gasps seeing Franklin Clinton entering her room]'' Who the fuck are you?! Dad! AHHHHHHH! Dad! AHHHHH!
:'''Amanda De Santa''': ''[laughing then screams upon seeing Franklin Clinton]'' Who the fuck are you? Do something!
:'''Kyle Chavis''': Can I help you? Help! Help! He.. he's black! Help!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[If Trevor Philips did not use adrenaline on Ferdinand Kerimov during By the Book mission]''
:'''Steve Haines''': Now hold on, hold on, wh-what the fuck, hold on.... ''[looks at a limped Ferdinand then to Dave Norton and Michael De Santa on the line]'' Forget it. ''[hangs up]'' He's fucking dead.
:'''Trevor''': ''[puts his fingers on Ferdinand's neck to check his status]'' Oh yeah, poor bastard, man.
:'''Steve Haines:''' ''[angry]'' You are a fucking moron.
:'''Trevor''': Whoa. ''[pointing at the lifeless Ferdinand]'' Hey, I just spent the past few hours torturing a seemingly innocent guy to death, and I don't even know why I did it. ''[getting angry]'' So does that make me a fucking moron?!
:'''Steve Haines''': ''[Threatening]'' You'll going down punk. At the exact moment I get bored with you, your little racket... will end. ''[walks away]''
:'''Trevor''': Yeah... yeah, you love those fucking tough guy lines don't you. huh?! ''[swings a kick]'' Fuck you! ''[walks off]''

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* GTA is an action-adventure video game situated in a fictional highly violent game world in which players are rewarded for their use of violence as a means to advance in the game. The single-player story follows three criminals and their efforts to commit heists while under pressure from a government agency. The gameplay focuses on an open world (sandbox game) where the player can choose between different behaviours. The game also allows the player to engage in various side activities, such as action-adventure, driving, third-person shooting, occasional role-playing, stealth and racing elements. The open world design lets players freely roam around the fictional world so that gamers could in principle decide not to commit violent acts.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019) 

* Within the scope of the present study we tested the potential effects of playing the violent video game GTA V for 2 months against an active control group that played the non-violent, rather pro-social life simulation game [[w:The Sims 3|Sims 3]] and a passive control group. Participants were tested before and after the long-term intervention and at a follow-up appointment 2 months later. Although we used a comprehensive test battery consisting of questionnaires and computerised behavioural tests assessing aggression, impulsivity-related constructs, mood, anxiety, empathy, interpersonal competencies and executive control functions, we did not find relevant negative effects in response to violent video game playing. In fact, only three tests of the 208 statistical tests performed showed a significant interaction pattern that would be in line with this hypothesis. Since at least ten significant effects would be expected purely by chance, we conclude that there were no detrimental effects of violent video gameplay. &lt;br&gt; This finding stands in contrast to some experimental studies, in which short-term effects of violent video game exposure have been investigated and where increases in aggressive thoughts and affect as well as decreases in helping behaviour have been observed. However, these effects of violent video gaming on aggressiveness—if present at all (see above)—seem to be rather short-lived, potentially lasting &lt;15 min. In addition, these short-term effects of video gaming are far from consistent as multiple studies fail to demonstrate or replicate them.
** Simone Kühn, Dimitrij Tycho Kugler, Katharina Schmalen, Markus Weichenberger, Charlotte Witt, Jürgen Gallinat, [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0031-7 “Does playing violent video games cause aggression? A longitudinal intervention study”], ''Molecular Psychiatry'' volume 24, pp. 1220–1234 (2019)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category: Grand Theft Auto (series)]]
[[Category:2013 video games]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Family Guy/Season 12</title>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T13:50:51Z</timestamp>
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        <ip>69.161.90.147</ip>
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      <comment>/* Chap Stewie */</comment>
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      <text bytes="26064" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[Family Guy]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[Seth MacFarlane]] for [[w:Fox Broadcasting Company|FOX]] in 1999. The show was cancelled in 2002, but after extremely positive response to DVDs and reruns on [[w:Adult Swim|Adult Swim]], production of new episodes for FOX resumed in 2005.

:'' ''Family Guy'' and all related characters, episodes and quotes are a copyright of 20th Century FOX. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the'' Wikimedia Foundation ''DO NOT claim ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference purposes only. Neither Wikiquote nor its parent company, ''The Wikimedia Foundation,'' have any affiliation with 20th Century FOX, or its parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape or form.''

:''Please read [[Family Guy/Format]] for notes on how to use and edit this article.'' 

===''[[w:Finders Keepers (Family Guy)|Finders Keepers]]''===
:'''Peter''': ''[to Lois]'' I want you on my team for everything... except for sports.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Stewie farts on Peter while he's sitting at the table reading a newspaper with an electric fan going. The fart travels back to Stewie]''
:'''Stewie''': Ah! Friendly fire!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[a group stands graveside]''
:'''Quagmire''': We're supposed to dig this kid up. Any volunteers?
:'''Herbert''': ''[in mining gear]'' I dig kids.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Chris jets skis to Block Island with Meg]''
:'''Chris''': Why are your nipples poking into me?!
:'''Meg''': Sorry! That happens when I'm cold.
:'''Chris''': But why are there 3 of them?!
:'''Meg''': There aren't! Two of them are moles.
:'''Chris''': Those numbers still don't add up!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Oh, look who's back; the grave robber.
:'''Peter''': Hey, Lois.
:'''Lois''': So, what happened? You find your treasure?
:'''Peter''': No, I realised something after you left; It's not the treasure that matters. All that really matters is the money you get in exchange for the treasure. I guess I had to learn that the hard way.

===''[[w:Vestigial Peter|Vestigial Peter]]''===
:'''Chip''': Her voice! It's like God sneezing!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[after Chip has sex with Angela]''
:'''Peter''': ''[glumly]'' Welp, now we know. I can taste what he eats.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Teacher at a PTA meeting''': So, in short; your kids are all doing great. Keep reading to them every night and I think we're going to have a great year. So, unless there's any questions, thank you all for coming.
:'''Cheetah''': Eh, yeah... I noticed the hot lunch menu doesn't feature any gazelle.
:''[all the parents sigh]''
:'''Teacher''': I'll bring that up to the board.
:'''Cheetah''': Yeah, see... I-I heard that last year and ''[laughing]'' he-h-here we are again.

''[Peter is at the bar talking to his friends about Chip]''
:'''Quagmire''': Remind me again. Chip is that [[African]] kid you adopted?
:'''Peter''': No that's ''Chocolate'' Chip. We gave him back to [[Kenya]].

===''[[w:Quagmire's Quagmire|Quagmire's Quagmire]]''===
:''[Sonja smiles darkly as she locks a battered Quagmire in the trunk of his car]''
:'''Sonja''': Giggity.
:'''Quagmire''': That's my word.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter and Joe pound on the door of a storage unit while searching for Quagmire]''
:'''Joe''': Quagmire, you in there?!
:''[muffled sounds from Quagmire are heard]''
:'''Peter''': Oh, he's eating. ''[shouts at the door]'' We'll come back when you're done eating!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ida''': Okay, you guys. Where should we start looking for Glen?
:'''Peter''': Well, sometimes Quagmire likes to hang out under all the clutter in my garage, so why don't we just start sorting stuff and throwing stuff away, but obviously checking with me first before you throw stuff away.
===''[[w:A Fistful of Meg|A Fistful of Meg]]''===
:'''Meg''': He's going to kill me! I can already picture my funeral!
:''[cutaway to a graveside service, where Peter runs in and throws Meg's dead corpse under another casket]''
:'''Peter''': Thanks, didn't want to pay for the hole.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Meg looks to Chris for support against Michael Pulaski]''
:'''Meg''': Chris, you have my back, right?
:'''Chris''': I don't know. ''[lifts up his shirt and sees his back covered with bacne]'' Yeah.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mailman''': ''[after Brian opens the door]'' Brian Griffin?
:'''Brian''': Uh, yeah, that's me.
:'''Mailman''': ''[gives package to Brian]'' Here you go.
:''[Brian takes off the tape and opens the package]''
:'''Brian''': ''[sees something terrible in the package, it's revealed to be Peter's own penis he cut off]'' Aah! Oh God!
:'''Peter''': ''[laughs]'' What's in the box, Brian? I got you good! ''[Blood is coming out and comes to Peter's pants]'' I don't feel right. I want it back. ''[Collapses]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': You gonna put your clothes on?
:'''Peter''': Yes, yes, I swear.
:'''Brian''': You gonna keep 'em on?
:'''Peter''': Yes, I promise. I'll never bother you again with my body. Please, just make this stop!
:'''Brian''': Good.
:'''Chris''': Dad, can you give me a ride to the-- ''[screams]'' What is that thing?! Make it go away! ''[claws his eyes out]''
:'''Lois''': What's going on in here? ''[seeing that Brian has shaved off all his fur]'' Oh my god, is that a fuckin' rat?! Peter, hold it down, I'm gettin' the gun!

===''[[w:Boopa-dee Bappa-dee|Boopa-dee Bappa-dee]]''===
:'''Man''': You renounced your citizenship?
:'''Peter''': Oh, I did that on the Italian &quot;Shut-up-a-You-Facebook.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the morning after sex in Italy]''
:'''Lois''': Last night was the best sex I ever had.
:'''Peter''': Me too. We haven't done it like that since we were engaged, but allowed to sleep with other people.
:'''Lois''': What are you talking about?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter barges it to tell the kids about staying in Italy]''
:'''Peter''': Kids, I've got an announcement...
:'''Stewie''': ''[sitting near the hem of Peter's robe on the floor]'' He's wearing a rubber.
:'''Peter''': We're staying in Italy. We're Italian now.
:'''Brian''': What?!
:'''Meg''': Are you kidding?
:'''Stewie''': Well, if we're going to be Italian, I guess we should start murdering our brothers.
:''[slips behind Chris with a garrote and proceeds to strangle him]''
:'''Chris''': What are you... ''[starts to choke and struggle]''
:'''Stewie''': ''[in an Italian-accented whisper]'' You break-a my heart, Chris. You break-a my heart.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50&quot;&gt;
:'''Stewie''': There. Now I said it. So shut your mouth.

===''[[w:Life of Brian (Family Guy)|Life of Brian]]''===
:'''Stewie''': ''[sees a car heading towards Brian]'' Brian, look out! ''[the car runs over Brian, breaking the hockey stick, and the toy net]'' Aah, Brian! ''[runs to him]''
:'''Lois''': ''[runs out of the house with Peter, Chris, and Meg and saw Brian hurt]'' Oh, my God! ''[runs to him]'' Brian! Brian, can you hear me?!
:'''Peter''': Holy crap, what the hell happened?!
:'''Squirrel''': ''[runs to Brian, kicks his head, spits]'' That guy sucked! ''[runs away]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter is sitting next to a beheaded chicken carrying his head]''
:'''Peter''': Aren't you supposed to be running around?
:'''Chicken''': Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Damn it, Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together! We were gonna become windsurfers! I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good!
:''[Brian groans]''
:'''Lois''': You guys, I think- I think Brian's trying to say something.
:'''Brian''': ''[last words]'' You... You've given me a wonderful life... I love you all. ''[smiles gently before quietly passing away]''
:'''Doctor''': ''[checks his heartbeat, but no response]'' I'm sorry, he's gone.
:'''Chris''': ''[voice breaking]'' Oh, my God, he's...
:'''Lois''': ''[voice breaking]'' Yes, Chris... I'm afraid... I'm afraid that our Brian is dead! ''[sobs]''

===''[[w:Into Harmony's Way|Into Harmony's Way]]''===
:'''Quagmire''': ''[meditating]'' I can be Giggity. I can be Goo.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Meg, could you zip up your fly? That's kind of wafting over here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chris''': So did you get a lot of trim on the road?
:'''Peter''': ''[nodding]'' Chris, that's wildly inappropriate.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Quagmire? I thought you were still out on the road!
:'''Quagmire''': I was, but what was Simon without Garfunkel?
:'''Peter''': Wildly successful?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kermit''': Piggy, I don't think Kermie Jr. isn't feeling well.
:'''Kermie Jr.''': &lt;big&gt;'''KILL ME, I'M IN CONSTANT PAIN!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

===''[[w:Christmas Guy|Christmas Guy]]''===
:'''Lois''': It's Stewie's first Christmas!
:'''Stewie''': Again?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vinny''': Whose leg do you gotta gagoosh to get an Amaretto around here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vinny''': Georgette, I'm coming home.
:'''Stewie''': Who the hell is Georgette?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': ''[comes from the future and sees Brian on the street. He sees the car heading right for him and runs to him]'' Brian, look out! ''[pushes him out of the way, letting the hockey stick and toy net to get broken by the car]''
:'''Brian''': What the hell?!
:'''Stewie''': You're alive, my friend! ''[hugs him]''
:'''Brian''': What? Of course, I'm alive. What the hell's going on here?
:'''Stewie''': Brian, ''[points at the car]'' that car killed you, and when it did, a little part of me died as well. I couldn't live without you, so I came back from the future to save your life.
:'''Brian''': Wait a minute. What are you talking about? I saw you destroy your time machine.
:'''Stewie''': Yes, but luckily, I ran into another me from the past, so I stole his return pad and came back here. Oh, that reminds me. I better send this back to where it came from.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': Wow, Stewie, thank you for saving my life! Y'know, a whole lot of other families would've just gotten another dog and moved on.
:'''Stewie''': Oh, oh, w...we could, we could never do something like that, Brian!  ''[starts to fade away]''
:'''Brian''': Stewie, wh-what's happening to you?
:'''Stewie''': ''[looks at himself]'' I think...my timeline has been erased! The timeline where you died no longer exists! Merry Christmas, Brian. ''[finally fades away]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Hey, who are you talking to out here?
:'''Brian''': A pretty awesome guy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': Thanks for everything, Stewie. You're my best friend, and I love you.
:'''Stewie''': All I can say, Brian, is you've been making really creepy eye contact with me all morning, and I want it to stop right now.

===''[[w:Peter Problems|Peter Problems]]''===
:''[on Lois being hired at the grocery store]''
:'''Stewie''': You know you've made it when you've got a teenage boss.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': My hog cannot partake in the slop this evening.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Oh, Peter, you're up.
:'''Stewie''': That's not what I heard.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter is reluctant to see Dr. Hartman about his impotency, stating he is embarrassed]''
:'''Lois''': This shouldn't embarrass you, the size should embarrass you.
===''[[w:Grimm Job|Grimm Job]]''===
:'''Peter''': ''Jack and the Beanstalk''. And that title could be a fairy tale or a porn. Let's find out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rumpleforeskin/Quagmire''': Where'd that thing come from? It's blocking my view of Little Miss Muffet's truffet.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[after the woodsman kills the wolf with a chainsaw]''
:'''Little Red Riding Hood/Stewie''': You know, I'm not sure if that's our hero, or just a lunatic going house-to-house murdering people.
===''[[w:Brian's a Bad Father|Brian's a Bad Father]]''===
:'''Quagmire''': ''[to Peter]'' You can't even walk and chew gum at the same time!
:''[cutaway to Lois walking on the sidewalk]''
:'''Lois''': Come on!
:''[pull out to reveal Peter chewing gum while lying down on his face]''
:'''Peter''': I'm doin' somethin'. ''[chews]'' One thing at a time!
:''[cutaway back to bar]''
:'''Quagmire''': DAMN IT, PETER, THAT'S IT! I AM DONE! I'M DONE WITH YOU! I'M DONE WITH ALL YOUR CRAP, I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN! THIS FRIENDSHIP IS OVER! ''[leaves]''
:'''Peter''': Well fine! I don't need your friendship anyway.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Now this is a gun without a safety.
:''[Peter's gun shots Quagmire, who screams in pain]''
:'''Peter''': Quite the difference, huh?
:'''Quagmire''': DAMN IT, PETER, YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU SHOT ME!
:'''Joe''': Oh my god, Peter, that must be the dumbest thing you're ever done.
:'''Peter''' No. The dumbest I ever did was open that can of Whupass
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': All right, Quagmire, I have given this a lot of thought. I need you to shoot me in the arm and we can be friends again.
:'''Quagmire''': Okay.
:'''Peter''': ''[after realizing what he just told Quagmire]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no, I was supposed to offer, and then you were supposed to say, &quot;No, Peter, I'm not gonna shoot you, although I do appreciate the gesture.&quot;
:'''Quagmire''': Hand me the gun, Peter.
:'''Peter''': I, uh, pass the test?
:'''Quagmire''': No, Peter. I'm gonna shoot you like a dirty animal.

===''[[w:Mom's the Word|Mom's the Word]]''===
:''[during a meeting at the Pawtucket Brewery]''
:'''Angela''': So as you can see, our output is up 1 1/2%. That's not net, I'm talking gross.
:'''Peter''': ''[under his breath]'' You do everything gross.

===''[[w:3 Acts of God|3 Acts of God]]''===
:'''Quagmire''': C'mon, guys! It's game time!
:'''Peter''': Alright! This is the greatest Sunday tradition ever...except for getting all my cutaway gags ready for the week. ''[cutaway]'' Okay, my great uncle wears a ski hat all the time Griffin will be followed by [[w:Nick Nolte|Nick Nolte]]'s handkerchief, followed by [[Japanese]] [[Abe Lincoln]], and then Monkey Rabbi. Hey, where's the Monkey Rabbi? Here's your torah, you'll be here on Tuesday at 9:00. Check in with Shirley.
:'''Darth Vader''': You gonna need me this week?
:'''Peter''': Uh, maybe. Maybe Friday. Uh, now where are the gays?
:'''Gay Man''': Over here.
:'''Peter''': No, no, no. The really cartoony gays.
:'''Cartoony Gay Guy''': ''Yoooo-hoooooo!!!''
:'''Peter''': There you are, we're gonna need you guys all week.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cleveland''': Hey, Death. What are you doing here?
:'''Death''': Actually, I'm...here for your show.
:'''Cleveland''': Ah, come on, man. I'm on vacation.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': And you still won't give us an Emmy?! Come on!! If ''[[Modern Family]]'' did that joke, you'd be carryin' 'em around on your shoulders!!

===''[[w:Fresh Heir|Fresh Heir]]''===
:'''Chris''': Hey, Dad, are you busy? I was thinking we could spend some time together.
:'''Peter''': Okay, are you a television set of the Internet?
:'''Chris''': No.
:'''Peter''': Oh, then no.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter checks up on his hairless twin brother]''
:'''Peter's Twin''': Close the door! The moonlight burns!
:'''Peter''': It's almost Christmas. It's almost Christmas.
:'''Peter's Twin''': Christmas?
:'''Peter''': Yes. Keep being good, and all the eggshells and coffee grounds will be yours.
:'''Peter's Twin''': Can I meet the family?
:'''Peter''': You've overstepped! No Christmas!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Carter''': ''[about his broken leg]'' The worst part about it is I can't have sex! God, I wish there was a way I could just do it myself, y'know, just to be done and napping within four minutes.
:'''Chris''': Let me show you something...
:''[time lapse. Carter looks relaxed]''
:'''Carter''': That... was... amazing! And Lynda Carter wasn't actually here?
:'''Chris''': No, that was just in your mind!
:'''Carter''': Incredible! So you can do that, like what, once a year or something?
:'''Chris''': No, you can do it basically whenever you're not doing something else.
:'''Carter''': Cool! Hey, next time I wanna try it with my hand.

===''[[w:Secondhand Spoke|Secondhand Spoke]]''===
:''[Stewie criticizes Brian's texting and driving]''
:'''Stewie''': That was a stroller, not a speedbump.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chris''': What if I said &quot;Hey there, shorty!&quot;?
:'''Stewie''': I'd say &quot;Have another donut, you albino gorilla.&quot;

===''[[w:Herpe the Love Sore|Herpe the Love Sore]]''===
:'''Tough guy''': Smells like this guy's already wet himself.
:'''Peter''': Don't flatter yourself, that was from this morning.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter receives a package that is actually addressed to Quagmire]''
:'''Peter''': Huh, it says &quot;Glenn Quagmire&quot;. But if you squint and imagine it says &quot;Peter Griffin&quot;, it says &quot;Peter Griffin&quot;.
:'''Lois''': Peter, it's Quagmire's. Take it next door.
:'''Peter''': Now, now, hold on, Lois. Now, this poses a very difficult ethical dilemma. Do I deliver the package to its rightful owner? Or do I open it up and see if it contains He-Mans?
:'''Lois''': Do not open that box!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[in a cutaway, Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man are walking along the yellow brick road, but stop when they see the Cowardly Lion standing in front of them]''
:'''Cowardly Lion''': Hey. I'm the Rational Lion. ''(as he's flipping them off)'' So fuck you guys.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[in a cutaway, Peter is doing a game called &quot;God With Ants&quot;]''
:'''Peter''': You shall battle to the death, or the winner will be given his freedom! Why are you looking at me like that?
:'''Lois''': Peter, would you like a glass of-- ''[sees a decapitated Peter with a bloodied neck]'' &lt;big&gt;'''OH MY GOD! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY GOD WITH THOSE ANTS!'''&lt;/big&gt;

===''[[w:The Most Interesting Man in the World (Family Guy)|The Most Interesting Man in the World]]''===
:''[Bonnie obliterates a target of a figure in a wheelchair at the shooting range]''
:'''Joe''': I think next time you should bring someone else.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Stewie arrives just after Peter takes the wrong kid at the park]''
:'''Stewie''': Hey, what happened to my new friend...that kid who sort of looks like me from behind?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the family greets Peter after he has refined himself]''
:'''Chris''': How were all your business trips?
:'''Peter''': Oh, exemplary, Chris.
:'''Chris''': I don't understand what either of those words mean.
:'''Stewie''': One of them was &quot;Chris.&quot;
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Shall we away for &quot;relations&quot;?
:'''Lois''': I'm not sure what you're saying, but let's hump!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Lois''': What's wrong with you, Peter?!
:'''Peter''': Lois, I'm sorry.
:'''Lois''': How the hell can you possibly mistake another baby for Stewie?!
:'''Peter''': Now, calm down, Lois. You're gonna say something you don't mean.
:'''Lois''': ''[Angry]'' Oh, no, I'm not! ''You're an idiot!''
:'''Peter''': ''[Hurt]'' You don't mean that.
:'''Stewie''': ''[Stewie looks Facebook on the phone]'' I already got a Facebook friend request from the dad. Is that weird?
:'''Lois''': Peter, I have put up with your nonsense for 20 years, but today you crossed the line! You left a helpless baby in the public park and that's something only an ''idiot'' would do!
:''[Lois storms off with Stewie leaving Peter upset]''
:'''Peter''': I'm not an idiot!
:''[There's a knock on the door and Peter opens it to find a man with one eye]''
:'''One-eyed man''': Hey, I think there was a mix-up at the park. ''[he gives Peter his eye back]''

===''[[w:Baby Got Black|Baby Got Black]]''===
:'''Peter''': Awesome!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Chris receives a steamy goodbye kiss from Pam at a restaurant in front of the lobster tank]''
:'''Lobster''': Hey, Chris...these ''[clacks its claws]'' on her nipples. Ha, ha, ha.
:'''Chris''': ''[to a passing waiter]'' Kill that one.

===''[[w:Meg Stinks!|Meg Stinks!]]''===
:'''Skunk''': ''[to Brian]'' Oh, you don't like smell, huh? Well, sniff on this!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': Holy crap! I'm so much faster on all fours!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Lois and Peter discuss Anal Roberts University]''
:'''Peter''': That is a tough, tough place to get into. That is tough. But once you're in there, you'll be surprised how much you like it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[after Stewie has been jailed for showing his penis at Mardi Gras]''
:'''Stewie''': The rules of this city are very unclear.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter reveals he would have rather have been a podiatrist but gave it up to become a family man]''
:'''Meg''': You never got to pursue your dream. No wonder you hate me.
:'''Peter''': I don't hate ya, Meg. You're my kid.


:'''Meg''': Dad I'm sorry to tell you this but I can't go with you. 

:'''Peter''': Are you sure? 

:'''Meg''': I just got off the phone with Green Mountain College and they said they'll let me reschedule my interview so I'm going to drive back up there it's time for me to get serious about my life and start taking some responsibility.

===''[[w:He's Bla-ack!|He's Bla-ack!]]''===
:'''Cleveland''': Wassup?! ''[''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' theme music plays as Cleveland approaches the guys]''
:'''Peter''': ''[normally]'' Oh, hey, Cleveland!
:'''Joe''': Hi!
:'''Quagmire''': Wait, don't you have a show to do...''[chuckles]'' Oh wait, that's right!
:'''Cleveland''': Alright, I knew this was comin', everybody gimme your best shot.
:'''Quagmire''': Oh, my G... Where do I even begin? Y'know, it's not a good sign that this is the first time a lot of people are realizing you had a show!
:'''Joe''': Your logo was stupid. Looked like a big purple penis and your ratings blew.
:'''Cleveland''': We did about the same as ''[[Bob's Burgers]]''.
:'''Quagmire''': That's your bar?! Oh, shame on you!
:'''Cleveland''': This is good. This is constructive.
:'''Quagmire''': The talking bear was so bad, [[Seth MacFarlane]] quit voicing him after [[The Cleveland Show/Season 2|Season 2]].
:'''Cleveland''': It's hard to make a talkin' bear funny.
:'''Quagmire''': ''[laughs]'' It worked out okay in movie form.
:'''Joe''': What was supposed to be the show's audience? Who did you make it for? Like, some black guy who never met another black guy?
:'''Cleveland''': Anything else?
:'''Peter''': Yeah, here's four seasons worth of DVDs of what we've been up to. Y'know, just so you're back up to speed. And I'll warn ya ahead of time, these have jokes in 'em.
:'''Cleveland''': I...I don't have a DVD player.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stewie''': Hey, Lois, look, I'm smoking! You can't control dick! I'm a roof baby now!

===''[[w:Chap Stewie|Chap Stewie]]''===
:''[Stewie sees an alternate view of the theme song from before he was born and comments on Lois]''
:'''Stewie''': She is camel-toeing the hell out of that leotard.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter and Chris''': Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga!
:'''Stewie''': What is that? What's happening?
:'''Peter and Chris''': ''[carrying mattresses]'' Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga! Unga-Bunga!
:'''Brian''': Peter, what are you doing?
:'''Peter''': Playing &quot;Unga-Bunga&quot;. It's the championship.
:'''Stewie''': Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4.00.
:'''Brian''': What the hell is &quot;Unga-Bunga&quot;?
:'''Peter''': It's a game where two guys run into each other with mattresses and, um, that's kinda it.
:'''Chris''': Stop explaining the rules to the dog! Let's do this!
:''[Chris and Peter run into each other with mattresses]''
:'''Stewie''': Stop it! I'm trying to watch my program!
:'''Peter''': Whoa, Chris, look! Mom's naked!
:'''Chris''': Where?
:'''Peter''': ''[whacks Chris with his mattress]'' You creep. ''[Chris crashes into the TV and breaks it]''
:'''Stewie''': ''(gasps)'' No!
:'''Lois''': Peter, what's going on in...
:'''Peter''': ''[whacks Lois with his mattress]'' Unga-Bunga!
:'''Stewie''': You imbeciles! You've ruined my night! I asked for one thing in this house!
:'''Brian''': Stewie, just watch your show upstairs.
:'''Stewie''': I don't want to watch it upstairs on the small TV, I want to watch it downstairs on the big TV! [his face turns red as he starts crying] I WANNA WATCH MY SHOW! (crying)
:'''Lois''': Oh no, Stewie's havin' a tantrum. Come here, sweetie.
:''[Stewie bites Lois' thumb]''
:'''Lois''': '''OW!''' Screw you, you little turd!
:''[Stewie throws a photo right at the door and it crashes]''
:'''Meg''': ''[enters the living room]'' What's all that noise? [sees Stewie upset]'' Aw, do you want a hug from your big sister? ''[picks Stewie up and is headbutted]'' '''OW!'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': You've earned yourself a time-out, young man. Now, you stay in here until you can behave. ''[she closes the door]''
:'''Stewie''': I HATE YOU! You always ruin everything! God, it's a family of idiots! I wish...I wish I was never born! ''[he sees Rupert wearing a fire helmet]'' Not tonight, Rupert. I'm much too upset.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Peter is shown using all the outlets for toasters]''
:'''Peter''': Toast house!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lois''': Oh my god, Peter. What happened to your hair?
:'''Peter''': I don't know. I'm bald! You did this! What the hell is the matter with you?!
:'''Lois''': I didn't do it, but you look cool.
:'''Peter''': I do?
:'''Lois''': Yeah, you look like you could be a celebrity.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Stewie is on the stairs watching Peter and Lois arguing downstairs]''
:'''Peter''': Lois, what the hell did you do?! I just got a note from Goodwill thanking me for donating all my porn.
:'''Lois''': WHAT?! I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for things I didn't do! And I've got a bone to pick with you! I don't appreciate how you spray-painted &quot;vile woman&quot; on the bedroom wall.
:'''Peter''': That wasn't me! It must've been one of the kids!
:'''Lois''': That's ridiculous, Peter! Chris can't write, and we don't allow Meg upstairs!
:''[In a cutaway, Meg is stuck in the basement, and she scratches the door]''
:'''Peter''': Well, you know what? I'm starting to think whoever wrote that is right!
:'''Lois''': Well, maybe I don't want to live with someone who doesn't respect me!
:'''Peter''': Well then, maybe I should just leave!
:'''Lois''': And where are you gonna go?! You got nothing else and nobody else!!
:'''Stewie''': And now for the closer.

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Family Guy}}

[[Category:Family Guy seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>a5280i7usy6m0gltgds148m0gcejvk9</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Aloe Blacc</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>155672</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146089</id>
      <parentid>2599892</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:49:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ahti-Saku</username>
        <id>3126681</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3183" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Aloe Blacc 2011.jpg|thumb|I'm the man, I'm the man I'm the man]]
'''[[w:Aloe Blacc|Egbert Nathaniel Dawkins III]]''' (born [[January 7]], [[1979]]), better known as '''Aloe Blacc''', is an American singer, songwriter, rapper, and musician.

{{musician-stub}}
== Song lyrics ==
* Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man
** ''[[w:The Man (Aloe Blacc song)|The Man]]'' (2014).

* I believe every lie that I ever told&lt;br&gt;Paid for every heart that I ever stoll I paid my cause and I didn't fold&lt;br&gt;Well, it ain't that hard when you got soul (This is my world)&lt;br&gt;Somewhere I heard that life is a test&lt;br&gt;I been though the worst but still I give my best yeah
God made my mold different from the rest&lt;br&gt;Then he broke that mold so I know I'm blessed (This is my world)
** ''The Man''.
Stand up now and face the sun&lt;br&gt;Won't hide my tail or turn and run&lt;br&gt;It's time to do what must be done&lt;br&gt;Be a king when kingdom comes

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

I got all the answers to your questions&lt;br&gt;I'll be the teacher, you could be the lesson&lt;br&gt;I'll be the preacher, you be the confession&lt;br&gt;I'll be the&lt;br&gt;quick relief to all your stressing (This is my world)&lt;br&gt;It's a thin line between love and hate&lt;br&gt;Is you really real or is you really fake?&lt;br&gt;I'm a soldier standing on my feet&lt;br&gt;No surrender and I won't retreat (This is my world)

Stand up now and face the sun&lt;br&gt;Won't hide my tail or turn and run&lt;br&gt;It's time to do what must be done&lt;br&gt;Be a king when kingdom comes

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Blacc, Aloe}}
[[Category:1979 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rappers from the United States]]
[[Category:Singers from the United States]]
[[Category:Philanthropists from the United States]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Record producers from the United States]]
[[Category:People from California]]</text>
      <sha1>gc5u2461r2mm0mrbhos22mog60ryxqv</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146090</id>
      <parentid>3146089</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:49:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ahti-Saku</username>
        <id>3126681</id>
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      <comment>Not needed</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3139" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Aloe Blacc 2011.jpg|thumb|I'm the man, I'm the man I'm the man]]
'''[[w:Aloe Blacc|Egbert Nathaniel Dawkins III]]''' (born [[January 7]], [[1979]]), better known as '''Aloe Blacc''', is an American singer, songwriter, rapper, and musician.

{{musician-stub}}
== Song lyrics ==
* Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man
** ''[[w:The Man (Aloe Blacc song)|The Man]]'' (2014).

* I believe every lie that I ever told&lt;br&gt;Paid for every heart that I ever stoll I paid my cause and I didn't fold&lt;br&gt;Well, it ain't that hard when you got soul (This is my world)&lt;br&gt;Somewhere I heard that life is a test&lt;br&gt;I been though the worst but still I give my best yeah
God made my mold different from the rest&lt;br&gt;Then he broke that mold so I know I'm blessed (This is my world)
** ''The Man''.
Stand up now and face the sun&lt;br&gt;Won't hide my tail or turn and run&lt;br&gt;It's time to do what must be done&lt;br&gt;Be a king when kingdom comes

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

I got all the answers to your questions&lt;br&gt;I'll be the teacher, you could be the lesson&lt;br&gt;I'll be the preacher, you be the confession&lt;br&gt;I'll be the&lt;br&gt;quick relief to all your stressing (This is my world)&lt;br&gt;It's a thin line between love and hate&lt;br&gt;Is you really real or is you really fake?&lt;br&gt;I'm a soldier standing on my feet&lt;br&gt;No surrender and I won't retreat (This is my world)

Stand up now and face the sun&lt;br&gt;Won't hide my tail or turn and run&lt;br&gt;It's time to do what must be done&lt;br&gt;Be a king when kingdom comes

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

Girl, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Yeah, you can tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Go ahead and tell everybody&lt;br&gt;Reveal the man, I'm the man, I'm the man&lt;br&gt;Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am&lt;br&gt;I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Blacc, Aloe}}
[[Category:1979 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rappers from the United States]]
[[Category:Philanthropists from the United States]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Record producers from the United States]]
[[Category:People from California]]</text>
      <sha1>4usv5ab3zxro3h2llqjcdbkruf4iw1d</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Los Angeles</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>157601</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146113</id>
      <parentid>3141875</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T23:46:33Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2605:8D80:402:2711:85D9:C11C:2349:D204</ip>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="13410" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Flag of Los Angeles, California.svg|thumb|In L.A., we wear [[w:Chuck Taylor All-Stars|Chucks]], not [[w:Bally Shoe|Ballies]]... Let me the serenade the streets of L.A. ~ [[Tupac Shakur|Tupac A. Shakur]]]]
[[File:Seal of Los Angeles.svg|thumb|In this land of the pretty-pretty, the virility is in the barbarisms, the vulgarities, it is in the huge billboards, the screamers of the neon lighting, the shouting farm-utensil colors of the gas stations and monster drugstores, it is in the swing of the sports cars, hot rods, convertibles. ~ [[Norman Mailer]]]]
'''[[w:Los Angeles|Los Angeles]]''', officially the '''City of Los Angeles''', often known by its initials '''L.A.''', is a major city in and the most populous city in the [[w:U.S. state|U.S. state]] of [[California]] and the second-most populous in the [[United States]], after [[New York City|New York]], with a population at the 2010 United States Census of 3,792,621. It is the county seat of Los Angeles County, and is known as the &quot;Entertainment Capital of the World&quot;, due to its being the traditional center of the U.S. film industry.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

== Quotes ==
===B===
* According to CoreLogic, the median house price in Los Angeles is $456,000. This compares with a median price of $187,000 in Houston. There is a similar story for other cities across the state. I won’t even mention house prices in San Francisco. Higher housing costs are a predictable result of restricting supply; it is far more difficult to arrange a new development in San Francisco, Oakland, Los Angeles or other California population centers than in Texas. Builders will have to meet environmental restrictions and density limits in many areas. The Census Bureau reports that between 1980 and 2010 the number of housing units in Texas increased by 81.9 percent, compared with just 41.3 percent in California.
**[[w:Dean Baker|Dean Baker]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20140616034836/http://america.aljazeera.com/opinions/2014/6/texas-miracle-economyjobswages.html &quot;Tall tales about Texas&quot;] (13 June 2014), ''Al-Jazeera America''

===C===
[[File:Hollywood Sign PB050006.jpg|thumb|In Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. ~ [[George Carlin]]]]

*Are you with your friends on a rooftop laughing, smoking in L.A., trying to kick the habit.
**[[Alessia Cara]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dXz3aI5Ctw &quot;Find My Boy&quot;], ''In the Meantime'' (2021), New York: Def Jam Recordings 

* In Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.
** [[George Carlin]], [https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Droppings-George-Carlin/dp/0786883219 ''Brain Droppings''] (1997)

===F===
* Los Angeles has always been a natural home for pornography, even back in the days.
** Devin Faraci, [http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2011/08/23/why-california-is-porns-home-state &quot;Why California Is Porn's Home State&quot;] (23 August 2011), ''Birth. Movies. Death.''

===H===
* I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in [[New York City|New York]]. &quot;What're y'all doin'? Talkin' to TV producers, huh? Bummer. Me? I'm readin' a book! Yeah, we're thinkin' back East! Yeah, we're evolving. Is that &quot;The Big One&quot; I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum, bye!&quot;
** [[Bill Hicks]], &quot;Goodbye, Lizard Scum&quot; ''Arizona Bay''

===M===
[[File:Manhattan Pier.jpg|thumb|The world's biggest third-class city. ~ [[John D. MacDonald]]]]
[[File:Phase_1_of_Skid_Row_Super_Mural.jpg|thumb|It was Christmastime in Los Angeles in 1902. The Los Angeles Times sent a reporter out to the saloon-lined intersection of First Street and Los Angeles Street, more commonly known to Times readers as the “Hobo Corner,” epicenter of Victorian LA’s Skid Row. “It was the toughest night of the year on the “Hobo Corner,’” the sensation-minded reporter wrote. “The tenderloin was literally swarming with tramps. Most of them were beastly drunk and the rest were sorry they weren’t. They were filthy dirty; some of them fairly squirmed with tenants—their steady company as it were.” ~ Hadley Meares]]
[[File:River_Station_(00046632).jpg|thumb|Thousands of men, many displaced veterans of the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], began to “ride the rails,” stowing away in empty boxcars and jumping trains. Because of this, many cities saw a great increase in the number of transient visitors. &lt;br&gt; They tended to congregate around or nearby the rail yards in cheap hotels, saloons, and brothels which sprung up to service them. In 1889, it was reported that 18 “tramps” had been arrested at the Southern Pacific Yard in one morning and would be forced to work on the chain gang, ironically building roads for the city. ~ Hadley Meares]]
* [Los Angeles is] the world's biggest third-class city.
** [[John D. MacDonald]], ''A Deadly Shade of Gold''

* Say, what's up. Straight up, holler! What, I am [[w:California|C-A]]. [[w:San Diego County, California|Day-Go]], [[w:Los Angeles County, California|L.A.]], to [[w:San Francisco Bay Area|the Bay]]. Yeah, it's my shit.
** [[w:Problem (rapper)|Jason Martin]], [http://genius.com/Problem-say-that-then-lyrics &quot;Say That Then&quot;] (June 2013), ''[[w:Understand Me|Understand Me]]'' (December 2013)

* One gets the impression that people come to Los Angeles in order to divorce themselves from the past, here to live or try to live in the rootless pleasure world of an adult child.
** [[Norman Mailer]], ''[http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a3858/superman-supermarket/ Superman Comes to the Supermarket]. (November 1960)

* Los Angeles is the home of self-expression, but the artists are middle-class and middling-minded; no passions will calcify here for years in the gloom to be revealed a decade later as the tessellations of hard and fertile work. ... In this land of the pretty-pretty, the virility is in the barbarisms, the vulgarities, it is in the huge billboards, the screamers of the neon lighting, the shouting farm-utensil colors of the gas stations and monster drugstores, it is in the swing of the sports cars, hot rods, convertibles.
** [[Norman Mailer]], ''[http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a3858/superman-supermarket/ Superman Comes to the Supermarket]. (November 1960)

* Then, she take it all in. Best kush filling my joints. Say, I sound too L.A.? That's the point!
** [[w:Problem (rapper)|Jason Martin]], [http://genius.com/Problem-say-that-then-lyrics &quot;Say That Then&quot;] (June 2013), ''[[w:Understand Me|Understand Me]]'' (December 2013)

* L.A. reminds me of that friend who just breaks into your house without knocking and eats all your food. You can't stop complaining about him when he's there, but when he leaves, you just wish he'd come by and bug you. L.A.'s got a heightened sense of color and joy, so much so that it becomes annoying. It makes me emotionally itchy.
** [[John Mayer]], ''Rolling Stone'' magazine, Mayer, John (May 9, 2002), &quot;RAVES&quot;. ''Rolling Stone''. (895):23

* It was Christmastime in Los Angeles in 1902. The Los Angeles Times sent a reporter out to the saloon-lined intersection of First Street and Los Angeles Street, more commonly known to Times readers as the “Hobo Corner,” epicenter of Victorian LA’s Skid Row. “It was the toughest night of the year on the “Hobo Corner,’” the sensation-minded reporter wrote. “The tenderloin was literally swarming with tramps. Most of them were beastly drunk and the rest were sorry they weren’t. They were filthy dirty; some of them fairly squirmed with tenants—their steady company as it were.”
** Hadley Meares, [https://la.curbed.com/2017/12/14/16756190/skid-row-homeless-history “The early days of Skid Row, once known as ‘Hobo Corner’”], ''LA Curbed'', (Dec 14, 2017).

* In 1876, Los Angeles became the end of the line of the transcontinental railroad. According to historian Glen Creason, the railroads were constructed east of LA’s historic core. That year, the main Southern Pacific Rail Yard and passenger terminus, known as [[w:River Station|River Station]] (now the site of the [[w:Los Angeles State Historic Park|Los Angeles State Historic Park]]), opened. In 1888, it was joined by the Arcade Station at Fourth and Alameda. &lt;br&gt; Thousands of men, many displaced veterans of the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], began to “ride the rails,” stowing away in empty boxcars and jumping trains. Because of this, many cities saw a great increase in the number of transient visitors. &lt;br&gt; They tended to congregate around or nearby the rail yards in cheap hotels, saloons, and brothels which sprung up to service them. In 1889, it was reported that 18 “tramps” had been arrested at the Southern Pacific Yard in one morning and would be forced to work on the chain gang, ironically building roads for the city. &lt;br&gt; LA leaders knew what to blame for this “tramp harvest”—the increased mobility offered by the railroads.
** Hadley Meares, [https://la.curbed.com/2017/12/14/16756190/skid-row-homeless-history “The early days of Skid Row, once known as ‘Hobo Corner’”], ''LA Curbed'', (Dec 14, 2017).

* By 1902, it was evident that something had to be done. “The hobos are also killing that particular part of Los Angeles in which they have settled like a blight,” the LA Times reported. “The police would have an easier time down in the tenderloin if the city would put in a few more electric lights. There is seldom any cussedness going on where there is plenty of illumination. Los Angeles Street is as dark as a pocket.”
** Hadley Meares, [https://la.curbed.com/2017/12/14/16756190/skid-row-homeless-history “The early days of Skid Row, once known as ‘Hobo Corner’”], ''LA Curbed'', (Dec 14, 2017).

* They call it the City of Angels. Funny. In my 30 years here, I haven't seen a single one. My old friend Henry Wilson used to say, people dare to dream here. He liked that about L.A. I'd say, bull, dreaming will get you killed. Maybe I was right.
** ''[[True Crime: Streets of LA]]'' (November 2003), written by Peter Morawiec and Micah Linton, Activision

===P===
* I am [[w:California|C-A]]. [[w:Sacramento County, California|Sac-Town]], [[w:Seaside, California|Seaside]], [[w:Los Angeles County California|L.A.]]!
** [[w:Glasses Malone|Charles Phillip Ivory Penniman]], [http://genius.com/Problem-say-that-then-lyrics &quot;Say That Then&quot;] (June 2013), ''[[w:Understand Me|Understand Me]]'' (December 2013)

===R===
[[File:LA_Skyline_Mountains2.jpg|thumb|The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles. ~ [[w:Rick Riordan|Rick Riordan]]]]
* The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles.
** [[w:Rick Riordan|Rick Riordan]], ''The Lightning Thief''

===S===
* In L.A., we wear Chucks, not [[w:Bally Shoe|Ballies]]... Let me the serenade the streets of L.A.
** [[Tupac Shakur|Tupac A. Shakur]], [https://kelyrics.com/lyrics/2pac/california-love-feat-dr-dre-roger-troutman.html &quot;California Love&quot;] (1995)

* This time of year, the whole crazy city could go in one big fire storm. There were times that he almost wished that it would. He hated this smoggy, tawdry Babylon of a city, its endless tangle of freeways, the strange-looking houses, the filthy air, the thick, choking, glossy foliage everywhere, the drugs, the booze, the divorces, the laziness, the sleaziness, the porno shops and the naked encounter parlors and the massage joints, the weird people wearing their weird clothes and driving their weird cars and cutting their hair in weird ways. There was a cheapness, a trashiness, about everything here, he thought. Even the mansions and the fancy restaurants were that way: hollow, like slick movie sets. He sometimes felt that the trashiness bothered him more than the out-and-out evil. If you kept sight of your own values you could do battle with evil, but trashiness slipped up around you and infiltrated your soul without your even knowing it. He hoped that his sojourn in Los Angeles was not doing that to him.
** [[w:Robert Silverberg|Robert Silverberg]], ''Against Babylon'' in ''[[w:Omni_(magazine)|Omni]]'' (May 1986)

* I live in the Mexican part of L.A.; it's called L.A.
** [[w:Bobby Slayton|Bobby Slayton]], [http://www.shayne-michael.com/links.php?searchFor=Bobby%20Slayton&amp;findBio=full&amp;showQuotes=Yes]

* For all its power and wealth and contrasting poverty and powerlessness, for all its size and complexity, Los Angeles is a strongly non-arrogant community, willing to shift and re-examine its problems, indeed its fundamental premises. 
** [[w:Kevin Starr|Kevin Starr]], [http://libraryarchives.metro.net/DPGTL/lacity/1988-LA2000-city-for-the-future.pdf ''LA 2000: A City For the Future''] (1988)

===W===
[[File:Lupine_in_Los_Angeles_State_Historic_Park.jpg|thumb|Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. ~ [[Frank Lloyd Wright]]]]
* Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
** [[Frank Lloyd Wright]] {{fact}}

==See also==
* [[California]]
* [[San Francisco]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikivoyage}}
*{{Official website|https://www.lacity.org/}}
[[Category:Cities in the United States]]
[[Category:California]]
[[fa:لس آنجلس]]</text>
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    <title>Duel in the Sun (film)</title>
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      <text bytes="10556" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Duel in the Sun (film)|Duel in the Sun]]''''' is a [[w:1946 in film|1946 film]] about a sexually-charged half-breed woman who becomes the point of contention between two brothers who were [[w:Cain and Abel|Cain and Abel]] opposites - one brutish and one refined.
:''Directed by [[w:King Vidor|King Vidor]]. Written by [[w:David O. Selznick|David O. Selznick]], Oliver H.P. Garrett, and [[w:Ben Hecht|Ben Hecht]], based on the 1944 novel by [[w:Niven Busch|Niven Busch]].'' 
{{center|'''Emotions...As Violent As The Wind-Swept Prairie!''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Lewt McCanles == 
* Pearl Chavez is my girl, and she'll always be my girl. Just as long as I want her to be. ''[shoots Sam]'' Has anybody else around her got any fancy ideas about Pearl Chavez? Well, don't seem to be no takers.

(singing)--&quot;I've been working on the railroad,all the live-long day.....(after derailing a train for sport,killing many people)

== Jubal Crabbe, The Sinkiller ==
* You call her a child, Laura Belle? Under that heathen blanket, there's a full-blossomed woman fit for the devil to drive men crazy...Guidance she needs and guidance she'll get or I ain't been the Sin Killer from here to El Paso for thirty years.
* Oh Lord, look upon this thy creature. She's a weak vessel and a pauper as thou knowest, but she wants to be thy handmaiden. Give her the horse sense not to go wanderin' off in the tulies with worthless cowpokes. Amen.
* Oh, Lord, have mercy on all men - young and old alike - who gaze upon this, Thy regained servant. Amen.

== Narrator ==
* Deep among the lonely sun-baked hills of Texas, the great and weatherbeaten stone still stands. The Comanches called it Squaw's Head Rock. Time cannot change its impassive face, nor dim the legend of the wild young lovers who found Heaven and Hell in the shadows of the rock. For when the sun is low and the cold wind blows across the desert, there are those of Indian blood who still speak of Pearl Chavez, the half-breed girl from down along the border, and of the laughing outlaw with whom she here kept a final rendezvous, never to be seen again... And this is what the legend says: A flower, known nowhere else, grows from out of the desperate crags where Pearl vanished. Pearl, who was herself a wild flower, sprung from the hard clay - quick to blossom and early to die.

== Other ==
* '''Scott Chavez''': ''[after murdering Pearl's mother and her lover]'' I plead no mitigating circumstances. They deserved to die, as I deserve to die, for I long since killed a person much superior to either of them: myself. I killed that person the day I gave my family's name to the woman who became my wife. And since I believe the punishment should fit the crime, I suggest that you hang me by the neck until I'm dead.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Pearl''': I'll be a good girl, ma'am. I promise I will. I want to be like you. That's what my father wanted.
:'''Laura Belle''': I'm afraid that neither your father nor I found happiness child. I hope you will.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Senator''': How'd they come to name you Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': I don't know, sir.
:'''Senator''': They couldn't have had much eye for color, could they? ''[laughter]'' They might have better called you Pocahontas or Minnie-ha-ha. Ain't I right?
:'''Pearl''': I guess so.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sin Killer''': Pearl? You can be a woman of sin or a woman of God. Which is it to be?
:'''Pearl''': I want to be a good girl.
:'''Sin Killer''': And remember that the devil is always aimin' to hog-tie ya. Sometimes he comes ghostin' over the plains in the shape of a sneakin' rustler. And sometimes, beggin' your pardon Laura Belle, he stakes out the homes of the worthy and the god-fearin'. Pearl, you're curved in the flesh of temptation. Resistance is gonna be a darn sight harder for you than for females protected by the shape of sows. Yes siree, bob. You gotta sweeten yourself with prayer. Pray till you sweat, and you'll save yourself from eternal hell-fire. You understand me girl?
:'''Pearl''': Yes sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jesse''': I might as well say it. I loved you. Somehow you touched me.
:'''Pearl''': You, you loved me?
:'''Jesse''': I thought of what you'd be like when you grew up a little.
:'''Pearl''': Oh, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me, Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': I didn't think it would be fair to tell ya. I was a fool. I came to your room to say goodbye, to tell you that someday I'd be back for you. That I'd think about you and I'd write. I'll write to you, Pearl.
:'''Pearl''': You will, Jesse, you will?
:'''Jesse''': If you need me, I'll come back, senator or no senator. 
:'''Pear'''l: And you'll forget about, about tonight, won't you? You'll forget it?
:'''Jesse''': No, I don't think I'll forget. I don't think I'll ever be able to. I shouldn't have told you the way I felt. It wasn't fair. There I go again. Gotta be fair.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sobbing]'' Trash. Trash, trash, trash, trash, trash.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': Am I your girl, Lewt?
:'''Lewt''': Of course you're my girl.
:'''Pearl''': Then we can be married, can't we? 
:'''Lewt''': Ah, I guess so.
:'''Pearl''': Now, if I'm not good enough to marry, I'm not good enough to kiss...It wouldn't do no harm to tell folks, would it?
:'''Lewt''': Sure it wouldn't.
:'''Pearl''': Can we tell 'em soon, Lewt? Can we tell 'em Saturday at the barbecue?
:'''Lewt''': Sure we can. Why not?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[after Sam proposes to her]'' You don't know about me. If you did, you wouldn't ask. 
:'''Sam''': You mean about Lewt?
:'''Pearl''': So you know about me and Lewt too. Yeah, I guess ain't nobody don't know. 
:'''Sam''': Pearl, I've knocked around plenty.
:'''Pearl''': I'm trash I tell ya, trash.
:'''Sam''': Don't go telling me that! I'd kill the first man who said anything like that. 
:'''Pearl''': But I don't love you, Sam. Don't that matter?
:'''Sam''': You've only known me a little while, Pearl...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lewt''': Of all the ornery females. One minute you're yammerin' 'cause I don't love ya enough. And when I go out and show ya how much I do, you're wantin' to plug me. You're my girl, honey.
:'''Pearl''': I ''was'' your girl.
:'''Lewt''': Anybody who ''was'' my girl is ''still'' my girl. That's the kind of guy I am, you know, loyal.
:'''Pearl''': Stay back.
:'''Lewt''': There ain't nobody gonna take my girl. Nobody. Same little tigercat. You know, just when I figure I'm doin' fine and dandy, I start thinkin' about ya, I start thinkin' about ya and nothin' else is any good...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lem Smoot''': There's a funny glow in the sky tonight, ain't there? I remember once hearing one of them injun legends about how their ancestors lit bonfires in the sky when the chief's son was dying.
:'''Senator McCanles''': You see them plains and hills. I was so almighty proud of what I carved out of this country. I figured I was building something. Lewt and Jesse. And what have I got now? Lewt a murderer, an outlaw. And Jesse, Jesse...I'm just a lonely old man who needs a friend. Like you said, Lem.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura Belle''': I never had the courage to discuss it with you before, but it doesn't matter now. I paid for my mistake. You've hated me all through the years.
:'''Senator''': You paid? What about me with these legs? As useless as a hog-tied steer. And all because you couldn't stand to be mistress of the biggest ranch in Texas. And why, huh? Why? I'll tell you why. Nobody needs to tell me who you was running away to that night. Nobody needed to tell me you was runnin' to Chavez.
:'''Laura Belle''': It's not true. It's not true. I was running away, but not to Scott. Not to Scott.
:'''Senator''': Well, true or not, you left me. And true or not, I went after ya, like any love-sick, half-baked boy...
:'''Laura Belle''': I'd give anything, anything to undo it.
:'''Senator''': I loved you, Laura Belle. Yes, I loved you. Kept on saying to myself all through the years that I hated you, until finally I did hate ya. In my heart, I knew all the time it wasn't your fault. It was my fault. It was my jealousy made me like I was. Hard and cruel like, till I guess you had to leave me. I never should have gone out after you that night. But when I found out you was gone, I got to thinkin' you was goin' to him and I couldn't stand it. I swore I'd stop ya and bring ya back...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lewt''': I'm riding back to that hitching post and then turning and starting to shoot.
:'''Jesse''': It's more than you did for Sam Pierce! Why all the consideration?
:'''Lewt''': I just don't want them fancy friends of yours to say you had a brother who shot you down in cold blood.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lewt''': ''[after shooting each other]'' You always said you could shoot. I never believed ya.
:'''Pearl''': Lewt, I love you. I love you.
:'''Lewt''': Oh, don't cry, honey. Don't cry.
:'''Pearl''': I had to do it, Lewt. I had to do it.
:'''Lewt''': Of course you did. Let me hold ya.
:'''Pearl''': Just hold me. Hold me once more.
:'''Lewt''': Little bob-cat. 
:''[He dies mid-kiss. She dies shortly thereafter.]''

== Taglines ==
* Emotions...As Violent As The Wind-Swept Prairie!
* FURIOUS, UNFORGETTABLE LOVE!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Jennifer Jones|Jennifer Jones]] - Pearl Chavez
* [[w:Joseph Cotten|Joseph Cotten]] - Jesse McCanles
* [[Gregory Peck]] - Lewton &quot;Lewt&quot; McCanles
* [[w:Lionel Barrymore|Lionel Barrymore]] - Senator Jackson McCanles
* [[w:Herbert Marshall|Herbert Marshall]] - Scott Chavez
* [[Lillian Gish]] - Laura Belle McCanles
* [[w:Walter Huston|Walter Huston]] - Jubal Crabbe, The Sinkiller
* [[w:Charles Bickford|Charles Bickford]] - Sam Pierce
* [[w:Harry Carey (actor)|Harry Carey]] - Lem Smoot
* [[w:Charles Dingle|Charles Dingle]] - Sheriff Hardy
* [[w:Sidney Blackmer|Sidney Blackmer]] - The &quot;Lover&quot; of Mrs. Chavez
* [[w:Butterfly McQueen|Butterfly McQueen]] - Vashti
* [[w:Otto Kruger|Otto Kruger]] - Mr. Langford
* [[w:Joan Tetzel|Joan Tetzel]] - Helen Langford
* [[w:Tilly Losch|Tilly Losch]] - Mrs. Chavez 
* [[Orson Welles]] - narrator (uncredited)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|id=0038499|title=Duel in the Sun}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|duel_in_the_sun|title=Duel in the Sun}} 
* [http://www.filmsite.org/duel.html ''Duel in the Sun''] at [[w:Filmsite.org|Filmsite.org]]

[[Category:1946 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Epic films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Western films]]</text>
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      <text bytes="10560" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Duel in the Sun (film)|Duel in the Sun]]''''' is a [[w:1946 in film|1946 film]] about a sexually-charged half-breed woman who becomes the point of contention between two brothers who were [[w:Cain and Abel|Cain and Abel]] opposites - one brutish and one refined.
:''Directed by [[w:King Vidor|King Vidor]]. Written by [[w:David O. Selznick|David O. Selznick]], Oliver H.P. Garrett, and [[w:Ben Hecht|Ben Hecht]], based on the 1944 novel by [[w:Niven Busch|Niven Busch]].'' 
{{center|'''Emotions...As Violent As The Wind-Swept Prairie!''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Lewt McCanles == 
* Pearl Chavez is my girl, and she'll always be my girl. Just as long as I want her to be. ''[shoots Sam]'' Has anybody else around her got any fancy ideas about Pearl Chavez? Well, don't seem to be no takers.

* ''[singing, after derailing a train for sport, killing many people]'' I've been working on the railroad, all the live-long day...

== Jubal Crabbe, The Sinkiller ==
* You call her a child, Laura Belle? Under that heathen blanket, there's a full-blossomed woman fit for the devil to drive men crazy...Guidance she needs and guidance she'll get or I ain't been the Sin Killer from here to El Paso for thirty years.
* Oh Lord, look upon this thy creature. She's a weak vessel and a pauper as thou knowest, but she wants to be thy handmaiden. Give her the horse sense not to go wanderin' off in the tulies with worthless cowpokes. Amen.
* Oh, Lord, have mercy on all men - young and old alike - who gaze upon this, Thy regained servant. Amen.

== Narrator ==
* Deep among the lonely sun-baked hills of Texas, the great and weatherbeaten stone still stands. The Comanches called it Squaw's Head Rock. Time cannot change its impassive face, nor dim the legend of the wild young lovers who found Heaven and Hell in the shadows of the rock. For when the sun is low and the cold wind blows across the desert, there are those of Indian blood who still speak of Pearl Chavez, the half-breed girl from down along the border, and of the laughing outlaw with whom she here kept a final rendezvous, never to be seen again... And this is what the legend says: A flower, known nowhere else, grows from out of the desperate crags where Pearl vanished. Pearl, who was herself a wild flower, sprung from the hard clay - quick to blossom and early to die.

== Other ==
* '''Scott Chavez''': ''[after murdering Pearl's mother and her lover]'' I plead no mitigating circumstances. They deserved to die, as I deserve to die, for I long since killed a person much superior to either of them: myself. I killed that person the day I gave my family's name to the woman who became my wife. And since I believe the punishment should fit the crime, I suggest that you hang me by the neck until I'm dead.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Pearl''': I'll be a good girl, ma'am. I promise I will. I want to be like you. That's what my father wanted.
:'''Laura Belle''': I'm afraid that neither your father nor I found happiness child. I hope you will.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Senator''': How'd they come to name you Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': I don't know, sir.
:'''Senator''': They couldn't have had much eye for color, could they? ''[laughter]'' They might have better called you Pocahontas or Minnie-ha-ha. Ain't I right?
:'''Pearl''': I guess so.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sin Killer''': Pearl? You can be a woman of sin or a woman of God. Which is it to be?
:'''Pearl''': I want to be a good girl.
:'''Sin Killer''': And remember that the devil is always aimin' to hog-tie ya. Sometimes he comes ghostin' over the plains in the shape of a sneakin' rustler. And sometimes, beggin' your pardon Laura Belle, he stakes out the homes of the worthy and the god-fearin'. Pearl, you're curved in the flesh of temptation. Resistance is gonna be a darn sight harder for you than for females protected by the shape of sows. Yes siree, bob. You gotta sweeten yourself with prayer. Pray till you sweat, and you'll save yourself from eternal hell-fire. You understand me girl?
:'''Pearl''': Yes sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jesse''': I might as well say it. I loved you. Somehow you touched me.
:'''Pearl''': You, you loved me?
:'''Jesse''': I thought of what you'd be like when you grew up a little.
:'''Pearl''': Oh, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me, Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': I didn't think it would be fair to tell ya. I was a fool. I came to your room to say goodbye, to tell you that someday I'd be back for you. That I'd think about you and I'd write. I'll write to you, Pearl.
:'''Pearl''': You will, Jesse, you will?
:'''Jesse''': If you need me, I'll come back, senator or no senator. 
:'''Pear'''l: And you'll forget about, about tonight, won't you? You'll forget it?
:'''Jesse''': No, I don't think I'll forget. I don't think I'll ever be able to. I shouldn't have told you the way I felt. It wasn't fair. There I go again. Gotta be fair.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sobbing]'' Trash. Trash, trash, trash, trash, trash.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': Am I your girl, Lewt?
:'''Lewt''': Of course you're my girl.
:'''Pearl''': Then we can be married, can't we? 
:'''Lewt''': Ah, I guess so.
:'''Pearl''': Now, if I'm not good enough to marry, I'm not good enough to kiss...It wouldn't do no harm to tell folks, would it?
:'''Lewt''': Sure it wouldn't.
:'''Pearl''': Can we tell 'em soon, Lewt? Can we tell 'em Saturday at the barbecue?
:'''Lewt''': Sure we can. Why not?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[after Sam proposes to her]'' You don't know about me. If you did, you wouldn't ask. 
:'''Sam''': You mean about Lewt?
:'''Pearl''': So you know about me and Lewt too. Yeah, I guess ain't nobody don't know. 
:'''Sam''': Pearl, I've knocked around plenty.
:'''Pearl''': I'm trash I tell ya, trash.
:'''Sam''': Don't go telling me that! I'd kill the first man who said anything like that. 
:'''Pearl''': But I don't love you, Sam. Don't that matter?
:'''Sam''': You've only known me a little while, Pearl...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lewt''': Of all the ornery females. One minute you're yammerin' 'cause I don't love ya enough. And when I go out and show ya how much I do, you're wantin' to plug me. You're my girl, honey.
:'''Pearl''': I ''was'' your girl.
:'''Lewt''': Anybody who ''was'' my girl is ''still'' my girl. That's the kind of guy I am, you know, loyal.
:'''Pearl''': Stay back.
:'''Lewt''': There ain't nobody gonna take my girl. Nobody. Same little tigercat. You know, just when I figure I'm doin' fine and dandy, I start thinkin' about ya, I start thinkin' about ya and nothin' else is any good...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lem Smoot''': There's a funny glow in the sky tonight, ain't there? I remember once hearing one of them injun legends about how their ancestors lit bonfires in the sky when the chief's son was dying.
:'''Senator McCanles''': You see them plains and hills. I was so almighty proud of what I carved out of this country. I figured I was building something. Lewt and Jesse. And what have I got now? Lewt a murderer, an outlaw. And Jesse, Jesse...I'm just a lonely old man who needs a friend. Like you said, Lem.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Laura Belle''': I never had the courage to discuss it with you before, but it doesn't matter now. I paid for my mistake. You've hated me all through the years.
:'''Senator''': You paid? What about me with these legs? As useless as a hog-tied steer. And all because you couldn't stand to be mistress of the biggest ranch in Texas. And why, huh? Why? I'll tell you why. Nobody needs to tell me who you was running away to that night. Nobody needed to tell me you was runnin' to Chavez.
:'''Laura Belle''': It's not true. It's not true. I was running away, but not to Scott. Not to Scott.
:'''Senator''': Well, true or not, you left me. And true or not, I went after ya, like any love-sick, half-baked boy...
:'''Laura Belle''': I'd give anything, anything to undo it.
:'''Senator''': I loved you, Laura Belle. Yes, I loved you. Kept on saying to myself all through the years that I hated you, until finally I did hate ya. In my heart, I knew all the time it wasn't your fault. It was my fault. It was my jealousy made me like I was. Hard and cruel like, till I guess you had to leave me. I never should have gone out after you that night. But when I found out you was gone, I got to thinkin' you was goin' to him and I couldn't stand it. I swore I'd stop ya and bring ya back...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lewt''': I'm riding back to that hitching post and then turning and starting to shoot.
:'''Jesse''': It's more than you did for Sam Pierce! Why all the consideration?
:'''Lewt''': I just don't want them fancy friends of yours to say you had a brother who shot you down in cold blood.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lewt''': ''[after shooting each other]'' You always said you could shoot. I never believed ya.
:'''Pearl''': Lewt, I love you. I love you.
:'''Lewt''': Oh, don't cry, honey. Don't cry.
:'''Pearl''': I had to do it, Lewt. I had to do it.
:'''Lewt''': Of course you did. Let me hold ya.
:'''Pearl''': Just hold me. Hold me once more.
:'''Lewt''': Little bob-cat. 
:''[He dies mid-kiss. She dies shortly thereafter.]''

== Taglines ==
* Emotions...As Violent As The Wind-Swept Prairie!
* FURIOUS, UNFORGETTABLE LOVE!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Jennifer Jones|Jennifer Jones]] - Pearl Chavez
* [[w:Joseph Cotten|Joseph Cotten]] - Jesse McCanles
* [[Gregory Peck]] - Lewton &quot;Lewt&quot; McCanles
* [[w:Lionel Barrymore|Lionel Barrymore]] - Senator Jackson McCanles
* [[w:Herbert Marshall|Herbert Marshall]] - Scott Chavez
* [[Lillian Gish]] - Laura Belle McCanles
* [[w:Walter Huston|Walter Huston]] - Jubal Crabbe, The Sinkiller
* [[w:Charles Bickford|Charles Bickford]] - Sam Pierce
* [[w:Harry Carey (actor)|Harry Carey]] - Lem Smoot
* [[w:Charles Dingle|Charles Dingle]] - Sheriff Hardy
* [[w:Sidney Blackmer|Sidney Blackmer]] - The &quot;Lover&quot; of Mrs. Chavez
* [[w:Butterfly McQueen|Butterfly McQueen]] - Vashti
* [[w:Otto Kruger|Otto Kruger]] - Mr. Langford
* [[w:Joan Tetzel|Joan Tetzel]] - Helen Langford
* [[w:Tilly Losch|Tilly Losch]] - Mrs. Chavez 
* [[Orson Welles]] - narrator (uncredited)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|id=0038499|title=Duel in the Sun}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|duel_in_the_sun|title=Duel in the Sun}} 
* [http://www.filmsite.org/duel.html ''Duel in the Sun''] at [[w:Filmsite.org|Filmsite.org]]

[[Category:1946 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Epic films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Western films]]</text>
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    <title>The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water</title>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|1]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]] ([[SpongeBob SquarePants|Main]]) | '''Movies''': [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years|Kamp Koral]] / [[The Patrick Star Show]]
----
&lt;br&gt;
[[File:The SpongeBob Movie Sponge Out of Water logo.png|thumb|'''SpongeBob''': Whoa. What is this place?]]
'''''[[w:The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water]]''''' (also known as '''''The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie 2''''') is a 2015 American animated/live action adventure comedy film, based on the Nickelodeon television series ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'', created by [[w:Stephen Hillenburg|Stephen Hillenburg]]. Released in 2015, the film is a standalone sequel to 2004's ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]''. It is directed by the show writer and executive producer [[w:Paul Tibbitt|Paul Tibbitt]], and written by Tibbitt, [[w:Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger|Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger]], and ''SpongeBob'' creator and executive producer Hillenburg. ''Sponge Out of Water'' is executive produced by [[w:Stephen Hillenburg|Stephen Hillenburg]], and co-executive produced by [[w:Cale Boyter|Cale Boyter]], [[w:Nan Morales|Nan Morales]], and [[w:Craig Sost|Craig Sost]]. The film is produced by [[w:Paramount Animation|Paramount Animation]], [[w:Nickelodeon Movies|Nickelodeon Movies]], and [[w:United Plankton Pictures|United Plankton Pictures]], and was distributed by [[w:Paramount Pictures|Paramount Pictures]].
{{center|'''He's leaving his world behind.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}}

== Dialogue ==
:'''Mr. Krabs''': The Krabby Patty is what ties us all together! Without the secret formula, there will be a complete breakdown of social order! A war of all against all! Dark times ahead! Dark times indeed!
:'''Squidward''': Seriously? Aren't you ''overreacting a bit''?
:''[The scene shifts to Mr. Krabs, Squidward and the Bikini Bottom citizens in their apocalyptic forms and the Bottomites run off around the ruins of Bikini Bottom]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Welcome to the apocalypse, Mr. Squidward. I hope you like leather.
:'''Squidward''': I prefer suede.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Patrick is hitting his rock home with the word &quot;Grandma&quot; on the bottom with a hammer]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what are you doing?
:'''Patrick''': Vandalizing stuff.
:'''Plankton''': Isn't that your house?
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[SpongeBob is playing a miniature piano while Plankton tiptoes into the Chum Bucket to get the key from Patrick]''
:'''Plankton''': Will you stop playing that tiny piano?! ''[quietly]'' You're gonna get us caught.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[stops playing and hides the piano behind his back]'' Sorry.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': SpongeBob, you will not believe the size of the ice creams there. I wonder what other giant snacks they have. ''[gasps]'' Cotton candy?!
:''[He and Patrick jump on the Cotton Candy machine]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow.
:'''Sandy''': If you ate all of that, you would have enough energy to run around the whole world.
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick jump into the Cotton Candy machine and they both twirl around in it as cotton candy forms around them, they soon come to a stop and suck all the cotton candy around them off. The pair start going hyper and begin laughing as they seemly run all over the world although it turns out that they are actually standing in front of a postcard stand with Sandy taking one of the cards out from its rack]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[blocking his head with his hands]'' Ahh! When is the sugar gonna wear off? ''[SpongeBob and Patrick fall over on their frontsides]''
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Sour Note? 
:''[Squidward, a.k.a. Sour Note, takes out his clarinet and extends it. He took a big deep breath and then blows his clarinet, playing horrible music, causing Burger Beard's customers to cover their ears and run away]''
:'''Kyle''': My tiny little eardrums!
:'''Burger-Beard''': ''[as customers run away]'' Hey, hey, wait! Hold on! Hold on! Wait! Wait! Customers! Wait, please! ''[angered, he walks toward SpongeBob and the others]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Superawesomeness, take him down. 
:''[Patrick, a.k.a. Mr. Superawesomeness, scrunches his face and ice cream cones are yanked from beachgoers. In a dramatic gesture, he grabs the cones and holds them up. As the sky darkens and lightning strikes, Burger Beard holds up a pink umbrella. Suddenly, he smiles and licks them]''
:'''Patrick''': Mmmmmmm! ''[giggles]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Uhh, Maybe we should've picked a ''better'' superpower for you, Patrick.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Alright, here comes the pain!
:'''Burger-Beard''': Hah! ''[opens a hatch and many cannons came out of the front hatch]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Ah!
:''[Burger-Beard fires a cannon ball at SpongeBob, but it goes through his bubble wand and into a bubble. The pirate fires more cannon balls with SpongeBob jumping repeatedly and getting them in many bubbles]''
:'''Patrick''': They're beautiful. ''[pops a bubble, causing the cannon ball from inside to land on his face]''
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': Talk to me, buddy.
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm seeing a bright light.
:'''Patrick''': ''[blocks the sun]'' Is this better?
:'''SpongeBob''': Much. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Plankton''': You're not gonna start singing, are you?
:'''SpongeBob''': ♪ ''Teamwork!'' ♪
:'''Plankton''': Oh, brother.
:'''SpongeBob''': ♪ ''We can do anything when we have teamwork.'' ♪ ''[The word &quot;TEAMWORK&quot; appears]'' ♪ ''Don't you think so, my friend? ''♪
:'''Plankton''': ♪ ''No te-am work. It's getting in the way of my sche-am work.'' ♪ ''[Plankton blows up the word &quot;TEAMWORK]'' ♪ ''What don't you comprehend?'' ♪
:'''SpongeBob''': ♪ ''But working together is the key. Nothing's impossible when it's you and me!'' ♪ ''[he and Plankton are building a house]''
:'''Plankton''': ♪ ''I'm doing just fine on my own.'' ♪
:'''SpongeBob''': ♪ ''Work is no fun when you do it alone!'' ♪
:'''Plankton''': ♪ ''If I want it done right, I'll do it by myself!'' ♪
:'''SpongeBob''': ♪ ''But what if you need something on a higher shelf?'' ♪
:'''Plankton''': ''[singing fast]'' ♪ ''But I'm the target of a very scary crazy post apocalyptic mob!'' ♪
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[using a bulldozer]'' ♪ ''Well, that's exactly why you need a partner helping you with this important job!'' ♪
: ♪ ''I'll be the hammer, and you'll be the nail.'' ♪
: ♪ ''I'll be the boat, and you'll be the sail!'' ♪
: ♪ ''I'm the flower, you're the aroma!'' ♪
:'''Plankton''': ♪ Right now I wish I was in a coma! ♪
:'''SpongeBob''': Come on! ♪ ''I'm here for you, and you're here for me!'' ♪
: ♪ ''It's better when you, plus me, equals we! ♪ ''[his holes turn into Planktons]'' ♪ 
: ♪ ''Working together in harmony!'' ♪ ''[SpongeBob and Plankton climbs up a Mountain and puts a flag on top]''
: ♪ ''Side by side, we can reach our dreams, cause nothing's impossible, when we're a team!'' ♪ ''[Back in Bikini Bottom]''
:'''Plankton''': Put me down! ''[SpongeBob sets him down on a rock]'' Well... ''[sighs]'' ...that's one minute of my life I'll never get back.
:'''SpongeBob''': Not without a time machine.
:'''Plankton''': Wait a minute, hold that thought. ''[SpongeBob grabs a thought bubble with a question mark on it.]'' Now back up.
:'''SpongeBob''': enihcam emit a tuohtiw toN. ''(Translation backwards: &quot;Not without a time machine.&quot;)''
:'''Plankton''': Slow down.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[slow voice]'' Not without a time machine.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[At Taco Haüs]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[From inside]'' Is this where we're gonna build our time machine?
:'''Plankton''': ''[Inside the restaurant]'' Sure. It's got everything we need. A photo booth, a cuckoo clock, ''[The clock goes off]'' some day old chips. Now all we have to do is build it.
:''[SpongeBob plays his pitch pipe again but Plankton takes it into the photo booth]'' 
:'''Plankton''': Oh, no, you don't.
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, my pitch pipe.
:'''Plankton''': Uh, I need it for the time machine.
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, okay. ''[Plankton smashes the pitch pipe with a hammer and flushes it down a toilet off-screen]''
:'''Plankton''': ''[walks out of the photo booth]'' Installed! 
:''[They start building the time machine, Plankton uses a big hammer while SpongeBob uses a small one, then SpongeBob pour a bucket of nuts and bolts into an opening at the top of the photo booth, then he saws a block of wood while Plankton holds on to the other end, then Plankton runs on a screwdriver while SpongeBob pushes it close slowly, they break for lunch where SpongeBob eats a taco while Plankton has a sausage, then SpongeBob tries to loop a pink thread through a needle when Plankton helps him, Plankton signals SpongeBob to install a tube into an opening, then he turns the clock hand backwards and the time machine starts up]'' 
:'''Plankton''': I did it!
:'''SpongeBob''': No. ''We'' did it.
:'''Plankton''': Wait. We did do it. As a team.
:'''SpongeBob''': A team.
:'''Plankton''': Whatever.
:'''SpongeBob/Plankton''': ♪ ''Working together in harmony!'' ♪ ''[SpongeBob and Plankton pops out of the Peanut Butter and Jam jars]'' 
: ♪ ''Side by side, we can reach our dreams, cause nothing's impossible, when we're a team!'' ♪
:''[Back at Taco Haüs]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[Carrying Karen into the time machine]'' Okay, now for the brains.
:''[Inside the time machine, he pushes Karen into the opening and she powers up]''
:'''Karen''': OK, Plankton, this is it. It's gonna take all my processors and energy to power this time machine. So, if you have anything you wanna tell me, you better tell me now.
:'''Plankton''': Well, Karen. I know I've taken you for granted all these years and I... I just wanted to say... I'm glad you're on my team.
:'''Karen''': Oh, Sheldon. That's the sweetest thing you've ever s--
:''[Plankton flips a switch and Karen shuts off and her screen flashes 12:00 AM, Plankton starts to cry]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Plankton, are you crying?
:'''Plankton''': No, no, no, it's just one of the hazards of having a giant eyeball. ''[wipes his tear away]'' There's always stuff getting in there. Anyway, ''[Clears throat]'' where were we? ''[from outside the time machine]'' Say &quot;cheese&quot;.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[inserts a quarter in the coin slot]'' Cheese!
:''[They travel through a time space vortex where Squeeze Me by N.E.R.D. plays and they crash through a giant taco leaving their cartoony outlines, The Time Machine take SpongeBob and Plankton to a desert part of Bikini Bottom four days in the future, they step out and explore]''
:'''Plankton''': According to my calculations, the Krusty Krab should be right here.
:'''SpongeBob''': What's that over there?
:''[Patrick turns around who is now rapidly aged with gray hair, eyebrows and a long beard]''
:'''Future Patrick''': SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick?
:'''Future Patrick''': Is it really you?
:'''SpongeBob''': Yes, Patrick. It's–
:'''Future Patrick''': Finally! The Great Krabby Patty Famine is over!
:'''SpongeBob''': Great Krabby Patty Famine? Oh, what year is this?
:'''Future Patrick''': It's Thursday.
:'''Plankton''': According to my calculations, we've only gone 4 days into the future.
:'''SpongeBob''': Where is everybody?
:'''Future Patrick''': They all gave up on you but not me! 'Cause I'm not very smart.
:'''SpongeBob''': Where is the Krusty Krab?
:'''Future Patrick''': Right where it's always been. 
:''[The wind blows a bunch of sand away revealing Patrick sitting on The Krusty Krab sign, SpongeBob gasps, then he and Plankton run back into the time machine]''
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[At the Krusty Krab two days in the past]''
:'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[walks in, gasps]'' Plankton?!
:'''Past Plankton''': SpongeBob!?
:'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[time machine appears and SpongeBob and Plankton walk out]'' Plankton?! ''[gasps]''
:'''Past Plankton''': SPONGEBOB?! Who are you two supposed to be?
:'''Plankton''': I'm you from the future.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[points to his past self]'' And I'm him from the future!
:'''Past Plankton''': So you traveled back through time to help me? Great thinking!
:'''SpongeBob''': Nope. He's helping me.
:'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' But he's the enemy.
:'''SpongeBob''': Was the enemy. Now we're a team.
:'''Past Plankton''': What, a te-am?
:'''Plankton''': A team! All right, go get the formula. 
:''[SpongeBob runs over to the safe]''
:'''Past SpongeBob''': What have I become?
:'''SpongeBob''': All right, Plankton. ''[tries to grab the secret formula from Plankton's past self]''
:'''Past SpongeBob''': Do you have flying boat mobiles in the future?
:'''Plankton''': We only came back from the day after tomorrow, dim wit.
:'''Past SpongeBob''': Are there rocket packs?
:''[SpongeBob trying to get the formula]''
:'''Past SpongeBob''': Did they outlaw clothes in the future?
:'''Plankton''': NO!
:'''Past SpongeBob''': Then why are you naked?
:'''Plankton''': 'Cause they don't make clothes in my size.
:'''SpongeBob''': Hold still you! ''[SpongeBob tries to grab the formula when Plankton's past self runs away]''
:'''Past SpongeBob''': If you're from the future, what am I gonna say next?
:'''Plankton''': Something moronic?
:'''Past SpongeBob''': Wow!
:'''Plankton''': Hey, hurry up over there!
:'''Past Plankton''': ''[SpongeBob knocks the decoy formula bottle off the pressure plate and the light goes on and it beeps; screams]'' Uh oh, that ain't good.
:'''Computer Voice''': ''[as a red light turns on and off]'' Initiating Lockdown Sequence.
:'''Plankton''': Come on, SpongeBob. We gotta get outta here.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[grabs the fake formula thinking it's the real one]'' Got it!
:'''Plankton''': Come on! 
:''[SpongeBob runs into the time machine and they return to the present]''
:'''SpongeBob and Plankton''': ''[laughing together]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, that was crazy.
:'''Plankton''': So that's what teamwork is. All those years, I tried to make you mine and I finally did it. I mean, ''we'' did it!
:''[Back with Burger-Beard and the seagulls]''
:'''Burger-Beard''': And so, it would seem that our heroes have accomplished all they had set out to do. 
:''[Burger-Beard is seen reading and piloting the ship at the same time. He shuts the book]''
:'''Andy''': Now that's an ending.
:'''Seagull''': Woohoo!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[As Burger-Beard starts his pirate ship]''
:'''Plankton''': Where do you think you're going?
:'''Burger Beard''': ''[he laughs at Plankton's small stature]'' Why don't you get going, little fella, before you hurt yourself?
:''[Plankton slides out of view, then he begins to lift the pirate ship. He is now Plank-Ton the muscular giant]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[surprised]'' Plankton?
:'''Plankton''': It's Plank-Ton! ''[to Burger-Beard]'' Come on down from there, little fella. You wouldn't wanna get hurt. Huh? 
:''[Burger-Beard climbs inside his ship and Plankton growls and he throws the ship into the air, catches it and spins it on his finger like a basketball and he pokes his head into a porthole of the ship]'' 
:'''Plankton''': Come out, come out wherever you are. Huh? ''[Burger-Beard squirts ketchup in Plankton's face; screams] MY EYE!! 
:''[He drops the pirate ship. It crashes into the street and Burger-Beard climbs out and runs away]''
:'''SpongeBob''': He's getting away!
:'''Plankton''': ''[he jumps over to the ship]'' Ready for a Plank-Ton of bubbles? 
:''[Invincibubble smiles at the idea. Plank-Ton picks him up by SpongeBob's legs, takes a deep breath and blows into SpongeBob's bubble wand creating lots of bubbles coming after Burger Beard. The bubbles clear to show Plankton holding Burger-Beard in his fingers and he tries to run]''
:'''Plankton''': The formula, please.
:'''Burger Beard''': Come on. Team up with me. We'll be rich and powerful! Huh?
:'''Plankton''': No, thanks. I'm already part of a teamwork. 
:''[Burger-Beard gives Plankton the formula and he kicks him back to Bikini Atoll where he his body is buried in the sand. He mutters nonsense]''

== Taglines ==
* He's leaving his world behind.
* Making waves in our world.

== Starring ==
* '''[[w:Antonio Banderas|Antonio Banderas]]''' : as Burger Beard
* '''[[Tom Kenny]]''' : as Spongebob Squarepants
* '''[[Clancy Brown]]''' : as Mr. Eugene Krabs
* '''[[Rodger Bumpass]]''' : as Squidward Tentacles
* '''[[Bill Fagerbakke]]''' : as Patrick Star 
* '''[[Carolyn Lawrence]]''' : as Sandy Cheeks
* '''[[Mr. Lawrence]]''' : as Sheldon J. Plankton
* '''[[w:Matt Berry|Matt Berry]]''' : as Bubbles

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category|The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water}}
* {{imdb title|2279373|The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water}}

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[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
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[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Films about fish]]
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[[Category:Nickelodeon films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Drake &amp; Josh/Season 4</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>178728</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3145950</id>
      <parentid>3145617</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T12:41:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2600:1017:B429:FBDC:8DC3:2C46:5E8A:7A43</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Eric Punches Drake */</comment>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="55098" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Drake &amp; Josh/Season 1|1]] [[Drake &amp; Josh/Season 2|2]] [[Drake &amp; Josh/Season 3|3]] [[Drake &amp; Josh/Season 4|4]] | [[Drake &amp; Josh|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:Drake &amp; Josh|Drake &amp; Josh]]''''' is an American television sitcom created by Dan Schneider for Nickelodeon. The series follows the lives of two teenage boys with opposite personalities, Drake Parker (Drake Bell) and Josh Nichols (Josh Peck), who are stepbrothers.

===Josh Runs Into Oprah===
:''[Megan opens up Josh's birthday cake]''
:'''Josh''': You made me a birthday cake?
:'''Megan''': Uh-huh. Mom gave me the recipe. I think it turned out pretty good. There.
:'''Josh''': Wow! This is really full of poison, isn't it?
:'''Megan''': No!
:'''Josh''': No, what then, huh, huh, huh, hot sauce some kind of extreme laxident?
:'''Megan''': Oh, c'mon! I wouldn't let you eat a cake that make you sick on your birthday.
:'''Josh''': I'm sorry.
:'''Megan''': It's okay. Make a wish. ''[Josh blows out the birthday candles from his cake as it exploded and he turns around to Megan as he had cake pieces on his face when she pranked him]'' I didn't say it wouldn't explode!
:'''Josh''': I don't blame you so much for doing it, as I blame myself for not anticipating it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
Hey, watch it, watch it!!! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Josh angrily comes home from the hospital after Drake pranked the whole hospital thinking Josh has a virus, which in return, causes him to get a chemical bath]''
:'''Drake''': Hey, man.
:'''Josh''': ''HEY, MAN''?!
:'''Drake''': Hey... man?
:'''Josh''': You left me at hospital to be chemicaLY bathed!
:'''Drake''': Oh, yeah, how'd it go?
:'''Josh''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, actually, it was quite soothing especially the part where they...OH, IT WAS HORRIBLE!!
:'''Drake''': Kay, what up with the 'tude?
:'''Josh''': D'you know what its like to get an involuntry chemical bath? it stings...''EVERYWHERE''!
:'''Drake''': Alright, look. Tell you what, I'm going to make up to you, okay?
:'''Josh''': No. Okay, no you're not, because that's when the badness happens. The only time you do anything nice to me is after you caused me some kind of physical damage or emotional distress! You are never going to make up anything to me ever again!
:'''Drake''': Wait, do these sound okay to you? ''[Drake plays his Bongos for Josh to try to cheer him up, but Josh rips the taped up Bongos then leaves]'' Would you bring me the hot glue gun?
:'''Josh''': NOT REALLY! ''[slams the door]''

===Vicious Tiberius===
:''[Drake and Josh found out that their dad did not answer the phone because he was working out at home singing]''
:'''Drake''': Well?
:'''Josh''': No answer.
:'''Drake''': You probably dialed the wrong number. Let me see it--
:'''Josh''': No, I think I know our own number.
:'''Drake''': Dude, just let me try-- ''[he and Josh both fight with Josh's phone and it lands in the toilet]'' Nice! ''[sees Josh's phone in the toilet]''
:'''Josh''': It's your fault. Go get it.
:'''Drake''': I'm not putting my hand in there! That's where Mrs. Hayfer pees!
:'''Josh''': Probably doesn't even work anymore.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, well, let's see. ''[flushes Josh's phone away]'' It still works.
:'''Josh''': I knew the toilet still worked, Drake. I MEANT MY PHONE!
:'''Drake''': Oh, well, that's gone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Megan''': ''[offscreen]'' Hello? Anybody home?
:'''Josh''': Who's that?
:'''Drake''': It sounds like Megan.
:'''Megan''': ''[offscreen]'' Drake? Josh?
:'''Josh''': That ''is'' Megan, how does she know? Oh, no, she's outside with Tiberius!
:'''Drake''': Oh, he'll eat her alive!
:'''Josh''': C'mon! ''[tries to open the door but Drake puts his foot on the door]'' Dude!
:'''Drake''': ''[blocks the door]'' Well, just 'cause she gets eaten, doesn't mean we have to.
:'''Josh''': That's our little sister out there, we've gotta help her!
:'''Drake''': Alright.
:'''Josh''': C'mon. ''[he and Drake come out of the bathroom and see Megan in the living room with Tiberius behaving and loud whispers]'' Megan! Run!
:'''Megan''': I don't wanna run.
:'''Drake''': ''[loud whisper]'' But he's vicious.
:'''Megan''': Yeah, he's real vicious. Ooh, down, boy. You're so scary.
:''[Drake and Josh walk by to her]''
:'''Josh''': I don't get it. Well, he's all calm.
:'''Drake''': Evil dog, evil girl. Makes perfect sense.
:'''Megan''': Where have you 2 been? You were supposed to pick me up 2 hours ago.
:'''Josh''': How'd you know we were here?
:'''Megan''': Dad said you were stopping here and then picking me up, which you didn't.
:'''Josh''': We couldn't.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, we were trapped here by this demon dog.
:'''Megan''': What're you talking about?
:'''Josh''': When you're not around, he goes all berserk and tries to kill us.
:'''Megan''': Really?
:'''Drake and Josh''': Yeah/Uh-huh.
:'''Megan''': See ya.
:''[when Megan leaves the house, she made Drake and Josh suffer against Tiberius because she's satisfied about that and doesn't care since they told her everything about Tiberius]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
What, you’ve never seen a man wielding on a toilet?

===The Wedding===
:''[Opening comments: Drake and Josh talk about how unpleasant their great aunt Catherine is and both are in agreement that she is quite unpleasant]''
:'''Josh''': So, me and Drake have this Great Aunt Catherine.
:'''Drake''': Have you ever met my Great Aunt Catherine? No? Well, hey. Lucky you.
:'''Josh''': She's almost 90 years old.
:'''Drake''': She's like 90,000 years old.
:'''Josh''': She's not nice!
:'''Drake''': She is mean. ''[gets closer to the viewers]'' Mean to the ''bone''!
:'''Josh''': Something's not right about Aunt Catherine.
:'''Drake''': She collects hair... from people she doesn't even know well!
:'''Josh''': Oh, and get this.
:'''Drake and Josh''': Aunt Catherine's getting married!
:'''Josh''': I mean, who wants to get married at 89 years old?
:'''Drake''': You know, Josh and I disagree on a lot of stuff, but I bet he hates Aunt Catherine just as much as I do.
:'''Josh''': I wonder if Drake hates Aunt Catherine as much as I do. ''[turns to Drake]'' Do ya?
:'''Drake''': Totally.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Josh''': Why are you in such a hurry?
:'''Drake''': 'Cause I want Aunt Catherine's beach house, bad.
:'''Josh''': Yeah, so do I.
:'''Drake''': Well, we can't be late for the wedding, and we have to pick up the cake.
:'''Josh''': Dude, we got plenty of time, alright? Just as long as we get to the bakery before... ''[notices his laptop case gone]'' Hey, have you seen my laptop case? I thought I left it right here.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, I gave it to Craig and Eric.
:'''Josh''': You... You what?!
:'''Drake''': They told me you said it was cool.
:'''Josh''': Yeah, I said it was cool for 'em to borrow my computer, but why'd you give them the whole case? It had my cell phone in it and my keys to Mom's SUV! Now we have no car!
:'''Drake''': Well, I'll just call Craig and Eric and tell them to come back.
:'''Josh''': No, we can't. They don't have cell phones.
:'''Drake''': Why?
:'''Josh''': 'Cause Papa Nichols threw Eric's against the wall and broke it, and Craig's mom thinks cell phones cause ear sores!
:'''Drake''': Craig does get a lot of ear sores.
:'''Josh''': Look, we cannot be late to this wedding!
:'''Drake''': Right, okay, um... Trevor!
:'''Josh''': What about Trevor?
:'''Drake''': We'll borrow his car.
:'''Josh''': His girlfriend sleeps in it.
:'''Drake''': No, they broke up. She sleeps in some other guy's car now.
:'''Josh''': I don't wanna go to a wedding in Trevor's El Camino, it's old and gross.
:'''Drake''': So is Aunt Catherine.
:'''Josh''': Drake, if we--
:'''Drake''': Look, it runs, and the wedding cake will fit in the back. And the most important thing is it'll get us there on time. ''[starts calling Trevor on the phone]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
Fried chicken?

===Mindy Loves Josh===
:'''Josh''': What do you want?
:'''Megan''': There's a couple of guys outside stealing  your bike.
:'''Josh''': Oh I just moved the chain, HANDS OFF MY RIDE! ''[runs outside]'' Hey!
:'''Mindy''': Maybe, I should have call the police.
:'''Megan''': Nah, no ones stealing his bike.
:'''Mindy''': What did you tell him that for? You got him all upset for nothing.
:'''Megan''': Yeah. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
Mindy: I love you. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Megan comes inside Drake and Josh's room and tells Drake her truth after making his hands green (when she saw Drake eating her cookie)]''
:'''Drake''': Oh, it's you. Close the door!
:'''Megan''': ''[closes the door and walks up to Drake]'' What's going on?
:'''Drake''': Swear not to tell mom and dad?
:'''Megan''': Swear.
:'''Drake''': Well, I've have this rare skin disease called dermatameculitis.
:'''Megan''': ''[gasps]'' Oh my god! Are you okay?
:'''Drake''': I will be. See, I read online that you can cure it by soaking in zipholic acid which is in lizard pee.
:'''Megan''': Or you know there is another cure.
:'''Drake''': What?
:'''Megan''': Next time, don't eat my big cookie.
:'''Drake''': What are you saying?
:'''Megan''': I tricked you into thinking you have a rare skin disease by dying your hands and feet green while you slept and that you were stupid enough to actually fall for it and stick your hands and feet in buckets in lizard pee. That what I'm saying.
:'''Drake''': Megan!
:'''Megan''': You have a little somethin' on your upper lip.
:''[Drake touches his upper lip with his green hand and suffers from it as Megan leaves his and Josh's room]''
:'''Drake''': Wait!
:'''Megan''': What?
:'''Drake''': Is it gone?
:''[Megan leaves the room]''

===Who's Got Game?===
:'''Carly''': ''[walks up to Drake]'' Help you find something?
:'''Drake''': Oh no, I got- ''[turns to see her]'' No, I got it.
:'''Carly''': Sparks, nice. Yes, I saw them live last week at &quot;The Phyton&quot;.
:'''Drake''': No way, I was there.
:'''Carly''': Oh, yeah, you were that guy in the crowd listening.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, that was me!
:'''Carly''': I was kidding.
:'''Drake''': Me, too.
:'''Carly''': Come on, I'll ring you up.
:'''Drake''': Okay.
:''[they both walk up to the cashier's desk]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
I was part of a bet? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Josh''': ''[walks up to Drake]'' Well, while you keep kissing your new girlfriend, I'm going to go back home and move my special pillow onto your bed.
:'''Drake''': What? ''[turns around to Josh]''
:'''Josh''': Well, I've had 22 dates this you week and you've only had one.
:'''Drake''': Okay, yeah. I guess you get my bed. All right, you win.
:'''Josh''': I win? I GOT MORE GIRLS THAN DRAKE!! ''[laughs]'' JOSH NICHOLS IS NO LONGER A LITTLE CATERPILLAR, AH, HE IS A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY!! ''[flaps wings for a while then stops out of embarrassment]'' See you guys at home. ''[walks away]''

===The Great Doheny===
:'''Josh''': Uh, Megan. This is Henry Doheny. I'm gonna go make him a sandwich with some crinko cup fries and you keep him company. ''[runs off to make Doheny his sandwich]''
:'''Megan''': Henry Doheny. Didn't you use to be like a really famous magician?
:'''Henry Doheny''': Hmmm. ''[pretends to think]''  Why don't you, reach into, ''[points to trash can and Megan looks at it]'' that decorative trash can and tell me.
:'''Megan''': ''[looks at him, searches through the trash-can, picks out old papers than a bunny, and gasps]'' A bunny!
:'''Henry Doheny''': Her name is Cookie, if you hold her close, she'll lick your nose.
:'''Megan''': ''[puts Cookie to her face and Cookie begins to lick her as she laughs]'' Oh my god, this is the cutest bunny I've ever seen! Can I keep her?
:'''Henry Doheny''': I insist!
:'''Megan''': Thanks! ''[goes to her room, admiring Cookie]''
:'''Henry Doheny''': ''[To Drake]'' Pick a card!
:'''Drake''': ''[picks a card]'' Now what?
:'''Henry Doheny''': Now, put it back. ''[Drake gives the card back and he takes the deck into his jacket]''
:'''Drake''': ''[looks at Doheny with a weird gaze]'' What's my card?
:'''Henry Doheny''': Cough. ''[Drake coughs out a card]'' Open it. ''[Drake does so and Doheny isn't even looking]'' Is that your card?
:'''Drake''': Yeah. Please do me a favor and don't make things come outta my body.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
How did I get in here? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Walter''': ''[looking himself in the mirror after Doheny made him bald]'' Ahh! Check me out! I'm bald. ''[leaving the room]'' Honey, Mr. Doheny made me bald!

===I Love Sushi===
:'''Josh''': Okay mom and dad. Here it comes.
:'''Drake''': Who's ready to go inside?
:'''Audrey''': What is up with you guys?
:'''Walter''': Yeah, you kept us out all day driving all over the city.
:'''Drake''': Get ready. ''[he opens the door as he, Josh, Walter, and Audrey come inside the house]''
:'''Drake and Josh''': HAPPY ANNIVERS- ''[they turn on the lights to reveal that the furniture in the living room has been stolen]'' -sery.
:'''Walter''': Drake?
:'''Audrey''': Josh!
:'''Walter''': Where's our stuff?
:'''Josh''': We've been robbed!
:'''Drake''': ''[curious]'' Surprise!
:''[Walter and Audrey both get shocked after all of the furniture from the living room disappeared]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Nadel''': Drake Parker. Josh Nichols. ''[Drake and Josh come in Mr. Nadel's office]'' What do you want?
:'''Josh''': We understand that you give people temporary jobs?
:'''Mr. Nadel''': So?
:'''Josh''': And we'd like one.
:'''Mr. Nadel''': And I'd like to meet with another woman who doesn't change her phone number after the first date.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, well good luck with that.
:'''Mr. Nadel''': Ok, what are your skills?
:'''Drake''': I play guitar and date girls.
:'''Josh''': Well, I'm an honor student. I'm pretty good with magic tricks, I can cook. Oh, in the 5th grade I was vote most polite child-
:'''Mr. Nadel''': ''[yells]'' NO! THAT'S ENOUGH! ''[in a normal voice]'' Well, let's see, I've got men's room attendant, ditch digger, or you could clean up after elephants at the zoo?
:'''Drake''': Wow, they all sound so wonderful.
:'''Josh''': Do you gave any jobs that are, you know... not repulsive?
:'''Drake''': Yeah, and we want one that pays a lot.
:'''Mr. Nadel''': Sure, and I wanna meet a woman who doesn't change her phone number after the first date.
:'''Josh''': You already said that.
:'''Mr. Nadel''': ''[yelling]'' '''WELL IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME! I MEAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!'''
:'''Drake''': We just want jobs.
:'''Mr. Nadel''': Alright look, I got two jobs working the line at a fish factory. Not glamorous enough for you?
:'''Josh''': Well, what would we have to do?
:'''Mr. Nadel''': You'd be assembling packages of sushi for distribution to local supermarkets. Pays 18 bucks an hour. Each.
:'''Josh''': Yeah, we'll take it.
:'''Mr. Nadel''': Good. Happy. Happy. Here's the address. Be there Saturday morning 8:00.
:'''Drake:''' 8:00?
:'''Josh''': We'll be there.
:'''Mr. Nadel''': Yeah, yeah.
:''[Drake and Josh leave Mr. Nadel's office; Nadel types in numbers on his phone from a piece of paper]''
:'''Phone''': The number you have reached has been disconnected
:'''Mr. Nadel''': ''[bangs on desk]'' EVERY TIME! Stupid lotion! ''[knocks a bottle of lotion on the floor]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
Speed it up a little!

===The Storm===
:''[Drake hits Eric in the chest and notices Lucy]''
:'''Eric''': Ow.
:'''Drake''': That's Lucy, my ex-girlfriend. Josh invited my ex-girlfriend?
:'''Eric''': Well, yeah. When we were going over the gas list, Josh said you and Lucy were still friends.
:'''Drake''': Well, we are, but I invited Carly. I can't have my current girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend at the same party. You want the universe to explode? Man, what am I gonna--? ''[hits Eric in the chest again and notices Christine]'' 
:'''Eric''': Ow!
:'''Drake''': Christine? How many of my ex-girlfriends are here?
:'''Eric''': Just those two. I hope. Or else I'm gonna need chest replacement surgery!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Drake''': ''[after being on the phone with Josh]'' That was Josh.
:'''Julio''': They cancelled the concert?
:'''Drake''': The whole stage is underwater.
:'''Gary''': My uncle's got a boat!
:'''Drake''': That's great, Gary. Why don't ya climb into your uncle's boat and SAIL OFF TO MORON ISLAND?!!! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
Crazy Steve: C’MON, DORA!!!

===My Dinner with Bobo===
:''[Drake and Josh and  Megan get a car]''
:'''Megan''': ''[looking at a car with tattooed flowers]'' Oh my god! I love this car! Let's buy this one!
:'''Drake''': Shall we harmonize?
:'''Josh''': Let's.
:'''Drake and Josh''': ''[singing]'' No!
:'''Megan''': Dad said I can help pick out the car.
:'''Drake''': Uh yes. And thank you for helping us decide we're not getting this one.
:'''Megan''': Don't push me.
:'''Stan the Car Man''': ''[appears and gets out of his cart]'' Well now, let me guess! You folks are looking for a car.
:'''Josh''': Hey, you're Stan the Car Man.
:'''Stan the Car Man''': The very same.
:'''Josh''': I know, I love your commercials. You need a car, you need a truck, you need a van! Come see Stan the Car Man!
:'''Drake''': Who sells trucks and vans.
:'''Stan the Car Man''': I don't like it when people imitate me.
:'''Josh''': I'm sorry.
:'''Drake''': I'm also sorry. ''[points at a monkey]'' Hey, Bobo! Aw, I love this guy! ''[picks up Bobo]''
:'''Stan the Car Man''': He seems to have taken a liking to you too!
:'''Drake''': Aw, he's awesome.
:'''Megan''': Yeah, maybe he can tutor you in math.
:'''Stan the Car Man''': How much were you boys hoping to spend in this vehicle?
:'''Drake''': About $2400.
:'''Stan the Car Man''': $2400. About what car did you had in mind?
:'''Josh''': Something safe.
:'''Drake''': Something fast.
:'''Josh''': Gets good mileage.
:'''Drake''': It's gotta have satellite radio.
:'''Josh''': Heated seats would be nice.
:'''Stan the Car Man''': Huh?
:'''Josh''': I get cold down there.
:'''Megan''': Look! No one is interested in your butt temperature problems.
:'''Josh''': Dr. Fish bum is.
:'''Drake''': Look, can you just show us something we can afford?
:'''Stan the Car Man''': Well, I surely can. Right over there!
:'''Josh''': Alright.
:'''Drake''': Come on. ''[he and Josh walk away]''
:'''Stan the Car Man''': Butt temperature problems?
:'''Megan''': He's a mess. ''[she and Stan the Car Man walk away too]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Drake and Josh come inside Dr. Favershim's apartment to rescue Bobo]''
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Come in.
:'''Drake''': We are in.
:'''Josh''': Yeah. And we want Bobo back.
:'''Dr. Favershim''': I'm sorry, we had a deal. $10,000 for your delicious friends.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, well deal's off.
:'''Josh''': So just take your check back and give us Bobo.
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Are you sure?
:'''Josh''': Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Very well, Bobo is in the back of the closet right over there. You may fetch him.
:'''Josh''': Back of the closet?
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Good.
:'''Josh''': Come on dude, let's go get him.
:'''Drake''': Whoa? Is he in here?
:'''Josh''': Perhaps.
:'''Drake''': In the coat, where is he?
:''[when Dr. Favershim locked Drake and Josh in the closet so he could eat Bobo, Drake and Josh yell inside the closet in order to get out after Dr. Favershim pranked them]''
:'''Dr. Favershim''': I'm sorry boys, but I can't let you interfere with my dinner plans. ''[takes off the curtain off of Bobo's cage]'' Hello, little friend. I hope you have good taste.
:'''Josh''': ''[inside the closet]'' You open the door or we're gonna call the cops!
:'''Drake''': ''[inside the closet]'' Yeah, we have a cellphone in here!
:'''Dr. Favershim''': You have no cellphone.
:'''Josh''': ''[inside the closet]'' Do too!
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Prove it.
:'''Josh''': ''[inside the closet]'' How?
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Play me a ringtone.
:''[Josh plays a ringtone on his phone from the closet]''
:'''Drake''': ''[inside the closet]'' See? I told ya we got a cellphone!
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Does it have Bluetooth?
:'''Josh''': ''[inside the closet]'' What?!?!
:'''Dr. Favershim''': Your cellphone, does it have Bluetooth?
:'''Josh''': ''[inside the closet]'' Ya, dude it has Bluetooth.
:'''Dr. Favershim''': I don't believe you. Show me.
:'''Josh''': ''[inside the closet]'' Fine! Open the door! ''[Dr. Favershim opens door]'' See, Bluetooth! Ha, ha! ''[Dr. Favershim pushes Josh back in the closet, takes his phone, and locks the door again]'' What?! Oh, man!
:'''Drake''': ''[inside the closet]'' Oh, nice goin', Bluetooth!
:'''Josh''': ''[inside the closet]'' Don't start with me! ''[Josh slaps Drake off-screen]''
:'''Drake''': ''[inside the closet]'' Ow!
:''[Dr. Favershim cuts slices of a carrot and takes a bite and walks up to Bobo to eat a piece, too]'' 

&lt;hr witdh=50%&gt; 
Not happenin, little girl!

===Tree House===
:''[Drake and Josh are trapped inside Robbie's treehouse when they're trying to rebuild it]''
:'''Josh''': Drake…? 
:'''Drake''': What?
:'''Josh''': Where's the door hole?
:'''Drake''': It goes right there, see? I drew it with a magic marker.
:'''Josh''': You were supposed to cut it out with the power saw!
:'''Drake''': Dude, I'm gonna!
:'''Josh''': Oh, really?
:'''Drake''': Yes!
:'''Josh''': So go get the power saw.
:'''Drake''': Okay, I will! ''[tries to walk through the wall where the painted door is]'' I see the problem…. 
:'''Josh''': Oh, do ya?!

&lt;hr width=50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Megan refuses to let Drake and Josh out of the Robbie's tree house because she is angry that they made her miss her friend Janie's birthday party]''
:'''Megan''': ''[walks to Drake with a snow cone]'' Hey boob.
:'''Drake''': Where you've been?
:'''Megan''': I told you I was about to get a snow cone.
:'''Drake''': Okay, well now that you have one, can you please hand up the power saw so we can get out of here?
:'''Megan''': Let me think, no!
:'''Drake''': Listen to me! You make us miss our dates with those two hot identical twins. I swear- ''[Josh grabs him]''
:'''Josh''': Hey!
:'''Drake''': What?
:'''Josh''': We don't need that power saw!
:'''Drake''': Then how are we gonna get out of here?
:'''Josh''': ''[grabs the power screwdriver]'' Power screwdriver! We just need to unscrew one of these walls and boom we are out!
:'''Drake''': Do it brother!
:'''Josh''': Okay. ''[he power screws the door but realized it's dead]'' Set this baby to reverse.
:'''Drake''': Why'd it stop?
:'''Josh''': I don't know. The screwdriver- ''[looks outside the window thinking that Megan unplugged it]'' MEGAN!
:'''Megan''': ''[satisfied; after she unplugged the power screwdriver]'' Yes, can I help you? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
Acorn.

===Josh is Done===
:'''Drake''': C'mon, let's play ping-pong!
:'''Josh''': Alright. I'll play if it'll stop you from yapping.
:'''Drake''': And the battle begins! ''[rings bell]'' Ohh, my worthy opponent. Are you prepared to ping the pong?
:'''Josh''': Wahahaha. I am prepared, young sedgewan. Your pong is no match for my ping!
:'''Drake''': Ahh, do your worst! ''[he and Josh play ping-pong until Josh's paddle flies out of his hand and out the window, to Josh’s horror]'' You have smashed the window of transparency!
:'''Josh''': ''[runs to the broken window]'' Aw, man! Mom and dad are gonna kill me!
:'''Drake''': Oh, probably. Come on, let's finish the game.
:'''Josh''': I don't have a paddle!
:'''Drake''': Oh, there's an extra one downstairs, be back in a sec.
:'''Josh''': We can't be late for this-
:'''Drake''': I'll be back in a few seconds, you can study while I'm gone. ''[gives Josh the book and leaves the room]''
:'''Josh''': I don't think it leaves us enough- ''[opens the book a reads a page]'' What is the atomic weight of beryllium? 9.01. ''[yells]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Josh''': ''[All sweaty from running all the way to class after Drake left him behind, bumps into the door]'' PLEASE! PLEASE, LEMME IN!! I AM SORRY I'M LATE! ''[Drake looks at him from his desk]''
:'''Mr. Roland''': ''[Opens the door]'' Mr. Nichols, you know the rule. 
:'''Josh''': B-But you don't understand. You see, I was just about to- 
:'''Mr. Roland''': I understand that you are late, and when you're late to my class, you're not welcomed in my class. 
:'''Josh''': Uh, b-but w-what about the exam? 
:'''Mr. Roland''': You will take a make-up exam next Saturday morning at 6AM, and you will be marked down 1 letter grade! 
:'''Josh''': ''[Very upset and despairing]'' Oh, no. No-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh!!! ''[Points at Drake angrily]'' YOU!
:'''Drake''': ''[Defensively]'' What? 
:'''Josh''': ''[Yells and runs in the classroom to attack Drake, only to be held back by the other students, while Drake stares]'' COME HERE! COME HERE, YOU WANNA TUSSLE!? LET'S GO!! LET ME CLOSER!!! 
:'''Mr. Roland''': ''[enraged]'' Mr. Nichols! Mr. Nichols, you will leave this classroom NOW! 
:'''Josh''': But- 
:'''Mr. Roland''': NOW! 
:'''Josh''': I- 
:'''Mr. Roland''': NOW! 
:'''Josh''': ''[defeated]'' Now...? ''[Leaves the classroom as Mr. Roland locks the classroom door, as Josh continues trying to plead his case]'' Now, if you would just allow me to explain, OH!!! ''[Mr. Roland yanks down the door window shade]''
:'''Mr. Roland''': As I was saying, you will have 55 minutes to complete your exams. ''[Mr. Roland walks over to the classroom windows to close the blinds as Josh from outside still tries to plead his case.]'' You will use a #2 pencil.
:'''Josh''': ''[Sobbing]'' Your so hard! 
:'''Mr. Roland''': ''[Closes first blind]'' Not #1, not #3.
:'''Josh''': ''[Still sobbing]'' So unbelievably hard!
:'''Mr. Roland''': ''[Closes second blind]'' If you have any questions during the exams, don’t ask them!
:'''Josh''': ''[Still sobbing]'' I really do, I give everything a hundred…
:'''Mr. Roland''': ''[Closes last blind]'' I want silence in this classroom! Silence, is golden.
:'''Josh''': ''[Freaks out]'' Nooo! Nah! Nah! Nah! Nah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Drake''': ''[Gets home after the exam (which he failed most likely) and takes Robbie's sit-n-bounce just to get Josh over his rage, still not caring about making him late earlier despite wanting to have fun together]'' Hey, Josh. What goes on? 
:'''Josh''': Just readin' my book. 
:'''Drake''': ''[signs]'' Look, I'm sorry about this morning. You know, but Kat called and wanted to make out, and, you know, Kat. 
:'''Josh''': ''[Knowing that Drake's apology is fake]'' Yes, yes. She's very pretty. 
:'''Drake''': Alright, you're still mad. But you won't be for long, 'cause I got you your very own sit-n-bounce! ''[Josh says nothing]'' Sit-n-bounce!  
:'''Josh''': No, thanks. 
:'''Megan''': Doesn't that kid Robbie next door have a sit-n-bounce just like that? 
:'''Drake''': No! No. And, c'mon, have you ever sat and bounced before? You can't be upset when you're sittin' and bouncin'. ''[plays with it. Josh closes his book and gets up, Drake bounces in front of him]'' 
:'''Josh''': Would you please move?
:'''Drake''': ''[stop bouncing]'' Look, dude, I said I was sorry.
:'''Josh''': Oh, I heard you.
:'''Drake''': Well, stop being mad at me.
:'''Josh''': I'm not mad at you. I'm done.
:'''Drake''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Josh''': I don't want anything to do with you anymore.
:'''Drake''': So what, are you gonna move out?
:'''Josh''': No, this is a house where I live, and I guess we'll be roommates until the day I leave for college. But that's all we'll be, is roommates. I'm done with you. ''[walks away, leaving Drake concerned]'' 
:'''Megan''': Whoa! 
:'''Drake''': What? 
:'''Megan''': You really did it this time. 
:'''Drake''': Oh, c'mon, ya know how many times Josh has been ''furious'' with me? Uh, he'll pout for a day or 2, and then he'll get over it. 
:'''Megan''': I dunno, he sounded pretty serious. 
:'''Drake''': Trust me. Alright, I know Josh, and there's no way he's gonna keep this up- 
:'''Robbie''': ''[walks in]'' I knew it! I knew you took my sit-n-bounce! ''[kicks Drake in the leg and takes his sit-n-bounce back]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:''[Without Josh, Drake begins suffering bad luck, while Josh's life improves with more good luck than ever, even passing his make-up exam and getting his grade back up]'' 
:'''Drake''': ''[arrives at the Primere ]'' Hello, Josh.
:'''Josh''': Hi, Drake.
:'''Craig''': Why are you all sweaty?
:'''Drake''': I'm all sweaty because I ran out of gas and I had to walk all the way here because SOMEBODY forgot to fill up the car!
:'''Josh''': It's not my responsibility to fill the car with gas.
:'''Drake''': You always fill up the car!
:'''Josh''': Used to, now I put in just enough gas for myself.
:'''Drake''': Well, good! You know, good for you! I DON'T NEED YOUR GAS! And just so you know, I'm gonna go see a movie right now and I don't need a free ticket from you cause mom paid me 10 bucks to get out of the house! So I don't need you for ANYTHING!
:'''Leah''': Movie tickets here are $11.
:'''Drake''': What?
:'''Eric''': And popcorn and soda are gonna cost you another 6 or 7.
:'''Drake''': D'oh! You know what? I'm not even gonna buy a ticket, I'm just going in. Right, just going right in! ''[yells at ticket checker employee, he stubbornly walks into theater 7]'' 
:'''Josh''': ''[clears throat, grabs the communicator]'' Security, we have a problem in theater 7: male Caucasian, sweaty, wearing a gray sweatshirt. ''[beeps]'' So what's the difference between a hoagie and a submarine sandwich? 
:'''Steve''': I always thought a hoagie was a hot sandwich, and a submarine could be served hot or cold. 
:'''Craig''': No, I think it's the other way around. 
:'''Eric''': Okay, but what's a grinder? 
:'''Leah''': Same thing as a hoagie. 
:'''Drake''':  ''[getting dragged by the security guards]'' Hey! Hey! Let go, let go! Josh, Josh! Tell them to let me go! Josh, Josh! Tell them! Tell them! Look this way, I know this guy, I know this guy. Ask him, ask him. 
:'''Security Guard''': Is this guy a friend of yours? 
:''[pause]''
:'''Josh''': No, he's not. 
:'''Drake''': Josh!! Oh. You're gonna regret this, Josh! You need me! YOU NEED ME!!! 
:'''Josh''': So, hoagie and grinder same thing, huh? 
:'''Leah, Steve, Eric, &amp; Craig''': ''[All talking at once in agreement]'' Yes./That's right./Uh-huh./Yeah. 
:'''Steve''': All in the sandwich family.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Drake''': ''[After being switched with another lab partner named Clayton, messes up his science experiment, causing green water to flow and spill over his hand]'' Whoa-whoa! Hey-hey! What's happening, what's happening!? Oh-okay-okay-okay! Arms tingling, arms tingling! 
:'''Craig''': Chemical emergency! ''[Turns on the alarm]'' 
:'''Mr. Roland''': Let's get him in the power-shower! ''[Grabs Drake and carries him into the chemical shower, as Josh watches in shock]'' 
:'''Drake''': Hey-hey! Watch it, will you-!? What is this!? ''[Roki shuts the door, Mr. Roland turns on the water]'' What are you, what are you-!? AAA-OOHHHH!!!! ''[Starts yelling as the water stingingly washes off the chemicals]''  
:'''Mr. Roland''': Drake, are you alright? 
:'''Drake''': Hey! What is this water!? Ow! ''[Continues yelling as everybody, including Josh, watches]'' 
:'''Mr. Roland''': ''[Drake has just been in the chemical shower, turns off the water]'' Drake, you may come out now. ''[Drake comes out, all soaked and groaning]'' Sit down, Drake. ''[Drake ignores him, walks towards the door]'' Drake, sit down!
:'''Drake''': No!
:'''Mr. Roland''': Drake!
:'''Drake''': Josh!
:'''Josh''': What?
:'''Drake''': Look, I'm sorry.
:'''Josh''': Well--
:'''Drake''': Look, let me finish, okay? I was wrong, okay? I was wrong.
:'''Josh''': What d'you mean?
:'''Drake''': I-I need you more than you need me. Uh, I-I need you ''way more'' than you need me, a-alright? I'm sorry. M-Man, I'm sorry I made you late for your exam, and I'm sorry I ran over your bike, and I, uh-- I-I'm sorry, I'm probably the worst brother in the world! And y-you know, you're way better off without me, you know? I just-- I just need you to understand that-- uh, I just-- Sorry, Josh, I'm sorry. ''[tearfully walks out of the classroom, leaving Josh stunned]''
:'''Mr. Roland''': Josh, would you like to go talk to Drake?
:'''Josh''': ''[realizes he has gone a little too far for cutting Drake out of his life, seeing how he learned his lesson the hard way]'' No. No, sir.
:'''Mr. Roland''': Alright. Class, let's get back to our experiments. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As Drake miserably tries to play ping-pong alone, Josh runs in with a kung fu yell, ready to forgive his brother]''
:'''Josh''': Hoaw! We have unfinished business, young sedgewan. 
:'''Drake''': Josh…. 
:'''Josh''': Wa-cho! You will address me only as Master Mon-googoo. ''[Drake cheers up as Josh picks up his paddle]'' 
:'''Drake''': Your words, they are strong. Uh, but your skills are weak!
:'''Josh''': Your foolishness, young sedgewan, has sealed your fate! 
:'''Drake''': Aw, destiny is mine! ''[They play ping-pong ball together and reconcile again happily]''

===Eric Punches Drake===
:'''Mr. Roland''': Josh, Mindy. The new chemistry books just arrived. They’re in my classroom. 
:'''Mindy''': No way! 
:'''Josh''': Oh, come on! 
:'''Craig''': Hey, remember in Dragon to Death when Billy Chang fights Joaquin the Dream?
:'''Eric''': Remember? One does not forget the wo-cho fist of silence. ''[Tries to demonstrate, only to accidentally punch Drake in the eye and knock him out in the process]'' Oh, my god! 
:'''Craig''': Drake, are you alright!? 

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:'''Josh''': Hey, Craig. 
:'''Craig''': Evenin'. 
:'''Josh''': Where's Eric? 
:'''Craig''': Oh, he didn't wanna come. He was afraid Drake might be mad at him 'cause he punched him in the eye. 
:'''Josh''': He's not mad. Drake, you're not mad, are you? 
:'''Drake''': Nah, I'm not mad. Craig didn't mean to hit me. 
:'''Craig''': I'M Craig! 
:'''Drake''': ''[scoffs]'' It matters. 

&lt;hr width =50%&gt; 
:''[door bell rings]'' 
:'''Josh''': Yo, Drake, get that! 
:'''Drake''': Got it. ''[opens the door and finds Mindy there]'' Oh, is it Halloween already? Aren't you a scary, little witch? 
:'''Mindy''': Oh, look at your black eye. Well, I hope it hurts.
:'''Drake''': You shebeast!
:'''Mindy''': Microbrain!
:'''Drake''': Weirdface!
:'''Mindy''': Ignoramus!
:'''Drake''': ''[beat]'' What?
:'''Mindy''': Exactly! 
:'''Chad''': Hey. 
:'''Mindy''': Oh, hey. 
:'''Chad''': Sorry, I had to park the car at the bottom of the hill. 
:'''Mindy''': Oh, no problem. Step aside. ''[both walk inside. Drake suspects Chad to be Mindy's new boyfriend and goes into the kitchen, while Josh and Craig set up the projector]'' 
:'''Drake''': JOSH! 
:'''Josh''': ''[jumps, accidentally flips the projector]'' Aw, now I gotta reset the white balance! 
:'''Drake''': No, I need to talk to you! ''[to Craig]'' Get out. ''[Craig walks out]'' 
:'''Josh''': What? 
:'''Drake''': Mindy's here.  
:'''Josh''': I know, I invited her. 
:'''Drake''': Did you invite ''him?'' ''[turns Josh's head around towards Chad]''  
:'''Josh''': Who's him? 
:'''Drake''': Her date. 
:'''Josh''': ''[shudders]'' I don't care. 
:'''Drake''': Yes, you do!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:'''Drake''': Hey, Clayton. 
:'''Girl''': Hey, Drake. I heard you got punched by a nerd. 
:'''Drake''': IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! 

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:'''Crazy Steve''': Excuse me, Josh. 
:'''Josh''': What!? 
:'''Crazy Steve''': I notice you're stacking that candy in an angry way. 
:'''Josh''': I AM angry! Alright, Mindy's over there with her new boyfriend, rubbing him right in my face. 
:'''Crazy Steve''': I just give this a little squeeze... DON'T DRINK WHILE I'M TALKING!!!! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Craig''': ''[pops up from the trash can]'' Hello.
:'''Drake''': ''[screams]'' Craig?
:'''Craig''': Are you alone?
:'''Drake''': Yeah, I'm alone.
:'''Craig''': Good. ''[holds out a bag of pork rinds]'' Pork rind?
:'''Drake''': Sure. ''[takes a pork rind from the bag and starts eating it]'' So you're the one that sent the blimp?
:'''Craig''': That's right.
:'''Drake''': ''[concerned]'' Why would you wanna take down Eric? He's your best friend.
:'''Craig''': WAS my best friend. Now that Eric's Mr. popular pants and has a hot girlfriend, he doesn't give a rat's hat about me!
:'''Drake''': Rat's hat?
:'''Craig''': ''[furious]'' He's forgotten that I am the one who's been his best friend since we were 7 years old! THAT I'M THE ONE WHO DRIED HIS TEARS WHEN HIS IGUANA GOT DIABETES! THAT I--  
:'''Drake''': ''[He interrupts Craig]'' OKAY, OKAY, I get it get it get it. Just tell me how to stop him.
:'''Craig''': Ok, but first you have to promise me something.
:'''Drake''': What?
:'''Craig''': I love to sing.
:'''Drake''': ''[confused, steps aside]'' And?
:'''Craig''': And you are like a professional singer.
:'''Drake''': ''[still confused]'' You wanna sing a song with me?
:'''Craig''': I've wanted this for a long time!
:'''Drake''': Ok, ok, if you help me prove Eric's a liar you can sing a song with me.
:'''Craig''': Excellent. Now listen carefully. Eric, is a pacifist.
:'''Drake''': I thought he was Jewish.
:'''Craig''': A pacifist is someone who refuses to fight.
:'''Drake''': Okay...
:'''Craig''': So, if you insult Eric in front of a bunch of people, he won't fight back, and then everyone will know he was lying about standing up to you!
:'''Drake''': Uh-huh!
:'''Craig''': And then he won't be popular anymore which means he'll come crawling back to me! And don't forget our song.
:'''Drake''': I won't forget the song.
:'''Craig''': Good, I'll start practicing.
:''[Drake walks away while Craig starts singing in the dumpster behind the school's cafeteria]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Drake''': ''[he stops the argument about stacks of cards]'' Okay, you know what?! You know what?! Enough with the cards, alright?! I got big problems!
:'''Josh''': What, that Eric thing?
:'''Drake''': Yeah, he's lying to everybody and ruining my life just to make himself popular. But you know what? 
:'''Josh''': What?
:'''Drake''': I'm gonna go find Eric and punch him right in his little nerdy head!
:'''Josh''': You don't want to do that! ''[grabs him]''
:'''Drake''': Then give me a one good reason.
:'''Josh''': 'Cause it's not gonna help you! Alright? It's just gonna make you look worse or you're gonna handle these things maturely.
:'''Drake''': Kinda like you do with Mindy?!
:'''Josh''': DIFFERENT!!! ''[crosses his arms]''
:'''Drake''': It's not different?
:'''Josh''': Mindy rubbing a new boyfriend in my face is an outrage, OUTRAGE!!!
:'''Drake''': And Eric wrecking my life isn't?!
:'''Josh''': I'm not saying it's not bro, but look you gotta help me with-- ''[the doorbell interrupts them as Drake opens the door and Clayton talks to Drake and Josh about what Drake did to his water]''
:'''Clayton''': ''[worried, mumbling]'' Why?
:''[Josh points to Drake and tells him to close the door. Drake awkwardly locks the door as he and Josh cool off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chad''': Do you guys have free refills on the ginger ale?
:'''Josh''': Oh, you want some ginger ale do you? Yeah, Chad can't get enough of his precious ginger ale!! Oh, No! Well, I'll tell you what, Chad!!! Why not call up the ginger ale headquarters and have them back up a tanker truck to your mouth!? So Chad can drink ginger ale til' there's no more ginger ale for the REST OF THE EARTH'S POPULATION!!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Josh becomes obnoxious that Mindy has a new boyfriend, she comes over to check on him]''
:'''Josh''': What do you except? I mean, I know we're broken up, but that doesn’t give you the right to rub your new boyfriend in my face.
:'''Mindy''': He's not my boyfriend.
:'''Josh''': Look, I don't care what you call him-
:'''Mindy''': He's my cousin.
:'''Josh''': Your cousin?
:'''Mindy''': Yeah. I'm not dating anyone. He just moved here from St. Louis, so I've been showing him around.
:'''Josh''': Why didn't you tell me that?
:'''Mindy''': I tried, you never gave me a chance.
:'''Josh''': So tonight, you were just messing with my head? 
:'''Mindy''': I think you deserved it after the way you screamed at me. 
:'''Josh''': I still think that was a really obnoxious thing for you to do! 
:'''Mindy''': I think you acted ''way'' more obnoxious. 
:'''Josh''': Well, I'm just glad we're broken up! 
:'''Mindy''': Not as glad as I am! 
:'''Josh''': Oh, really?! 
:'''Mindy''': REALLY! ''[they make out]''
:'''Josh''': We're still broken up, right?
:'''Mindy''': Definitely.
:''[they continue to make out]''

===Megan's Revenge===
:''[Drake and Josh are in Megan's room]''
:'''Drake''': Now, put Megan's camera back where you found this. Being in her room creeps me out.
:'''Josh''': Yeah, me, too. ''[looks at Megan's hamster]'' Awww. Look at Megan's hamster. He's washing his little face.
:'''Drake''': Look, let's just get out of here.
:'''Josh''': Just wait. This is too cute. I gotta get a picture of him.
:'''Drake''': Well, hurry.
:'''Josh''': Okay! Smile, Hervay. 
:''[Hervay falls down from the camera shot Josh took]''
:'''Drake''': Awww. He's playing dead.
:'''Josh''': I think he really is dead!
:'''Drake''': Oh! That hamster cannot be dead. If that hamster is dead, we're dead because Megan’s gonna kill us!
:'''Josh''': W-W-What can I do about it?
:'''Drake''': I don't know your watch o.r.! Fix him.
:'''Josh''': ''[whining]'' Okay, okay. Um, alright, I need a CBC, uh, a chem seven chest phone.
:'''Drake''': Just give him CPU!
:'''Josh''': ''[whining]'' Alright! ''[takes out Hervay from his cage]'' See what everybody say with me!
:'''Drake''': Okay.
:'''Josh''': ''[blows on Hervay's mouth]'' 1 1,000 , 2 1,000 , 3 1,000 , BREATHE! ''[blows on Hervay's mouth again and tries to pick him up but fails]'' That's it. 10:22, I'm calling it!
:'''Drake''': NO! ''[runs up to Hervay and blows his mouth]'' 
:'''Josh''': ''[gaves Drake backwards]'' HE'S GONE!
:'''Drake''': Josh, Megan is going to kill us!
:'''Josh''': Maybe she won't. Maybe she'll understand.
:'''Drake''': Think about it. Megan does horrible horrible things to us every day for no reason. Now, SHE HAS A REASON!
:'''Josh''': WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!
:''[Drake quickly puts the camera in her drawer and Josh puts Hervay back in his room as they leave Megan's room fast]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Megan uses a remote to create a hole on the floor to make Drake and Josh fall to the garage from their bedroom]''
:'''Megan''': Okay, that was good revenge, too. And by the way, you didn't kill Hervay. The camera flash just stunned. He's fine, see? ''[shows Drake and Josh her pet hamster Hervay who is still alive]''
:'''Drake and Josh''': MEGAN!

===Steered Straight===
:'''Josh''': Man, we can't get into the Reptile Room ''[nightclub]''. You have to be over 21.
:'''Drake''': You are, Mr... ''[pulls out fake ID]'' Yakitori!
:'''Josh''': ''[takes fake ID and looks at it]'' What's this?
:'''Drake''': Fake ID, here, check mine out. ''[takes out his own fake ID and gives it to Josh]''
:'''Josh''': ''[reads the name on Drake's fake ID]'' Jefferson Steelflex?
:'''Drake''': ''[laughs]'' Yeah, made it up.
:'''Josh''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, REALLY! So you're suggesting that we use fake IDs to get into a nightclub posing as... ''[reads the names on the IDs again]'' Jefferson Steelflex and Alvin Yakitori?
:'''Drake''': Yep. And, hey, we gotta be there before 10:30 because I'm pretty sure...
:'''Josh''': It's illegal to use fake IDs!
:'''Drake''': Yeah, well, it's illegal to rob banks, but people do it!
:'''Josh''': Yes, people who are BANK ROBBERS!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Blaze has gone]''
:'''Josh''': Are you CRAZY?! What if Mom, Dad or Megan are downstairs?
:'''Drake''': Look, both of the cars are gone, alright? So nobody's home.
:'''Josh''': Good. Oh, quick. Quick, let's call the cops before he comes back.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, right, right, right, right.
:'''Josh''': Okay.
:'''Drake''': Uh...
:'''Josh''': Uh, alright. ''[pushes the phone with his head and he and Drake struggle to call the police]'' Alright, work together. Teamwork.
:'''Drake''': Okay.
:'''Josh''': Teamwork.
:'''Drake''': Alright.
:'''Josh''': To the left.
:'''Drake''': Ow!
:'''Josh''': To the--
:'''Drake''': Grab it.
:'''Josh''': Alright. ''[the phone slides away from him and Drake]'' Teamworking.
:'''Drake''': Grab it. Alright, press the 9, man.
:'''Josh''': Oh, this isn't gonna work.
:'''Drake''': Alright. Fine, fine, here. ''[puts it behind him]'' I'll hold it behind my back, you dial it with your nose.
:'''Josh''': I'm not sticking my nose down there.
:'''Drake''': Would you rather take your chances with a vicious criminal?
:'''Josh''': I think so.
:'''Drake''': Oh, just dial the number.
:'''Josh''': Alright. ''[presses the 9 button with his nose]'' 9. ''[then the 1 button]'' 1. 
:''[sneezes on the phone and Drake lets go of it]''
:'''Drake''': Aw, man. You sneezed on my palm.
:'''Josh''': It is allergy season. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Drake and Josh''': Dad.

===Megan's First Kiss===
:'''Megan''': Um, what are you doing this Saturday night?
:'''Drake''': Going to a concert at the Mega Dome.
:'''Josh''': Why?
:'''Drake''': 'Cause we bought tickets.
:'''Josh''': ''[to Drake]'' Not you! ''[to Megan]'' Why do you wanna know what we're doing Saturday night?
:'''Megan''': I don't care what you're doing.
:'''Drake''': But you just asked us.
:'''Megan''': Or, maybe you, just asked yourselves! Yeah. Think about that... ''[Megan leaves the room smiling]''
:'''Drake''': Okay I wanna know what her deal is!
:'''Josh''': Yeah, yeah, yeah she's up to something!
:'''Drake''': Yeah, first she hangs up the phone, pretends to not be talking to anybody.
:'''Josh''': Yeah, and she measures our necks and asks of our social plans.
:'''Drake''': Wait, she said we asked ourselves about that.
:'''Josh''': Really, you're not a smart boy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Drake and Josh walk into the Premiere disguised as Jews]''
:'''Drake''': Okay, all I'm saying is, the next time we need disguises, I'm getting them!
:'''Josh''': I told you, the costume shop was closed, the temple was open! And these are good disguises.
:'''Drake''': I don't even know what accent to talk with. 
:'''Josh''': Doesn't matter, just sound foreign.
:'''Helen''': Can I help you gentlemen find something?
:'''Josh''': ''[Irish accent]'' Top of the mornin to ya, how are ya? Potata!
:'''Helen''': Potato?
:'''Drake''': ''[Irish accent]'' Come along, Pontiac.
:'''Josh''': Yes, let's go observe the mulberry bush!
:'''Drake''': Pip pip da doodly-doo!
:'''Helen''': Pip pip da doodly-doo! I'm gonna start sayin that. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
I used to be his girlfriend.

===The Battle of Panthatar===
:''[Opening comments: Drake and Josh ask themselves random questions]''
:'''Drake''': Hello, what's your name?
:'''Josh''': Hi! Who are you?
:'''Drake''': What is your favorite thing to eat?
:'''Josh''': What games do you like to play?
:'''Drake and Josh''': Me, too!
:'''Drake''': Hey, do you like me?
:'''Josh''': Do you wanna be my friend?
:'''Drake''': Aw, thank you!
:'''Josh''': ... What is that supposed to mean?
:'''Drake''': You think I'm handsome? What a special thing to say!
:'''Josh''': What? Who are you calling a dork? Hey hey hey hey! Go fetch your mother! Yeah I'm talking to you!
:'''Drake''': A present? For me?
:'''Josh''': Alright just put your kid right in front of the TV set because I have a few things to say!
:'''Drake''': ''[holding a handed a plate of cookies]'' A plate of cookies? Ohh, yummy!
:'''Josh''': I-I think it's pretty rude to tell a person that he's a --''[boy spits in his eye]''... did you just... you spit in my eye!
:'''Drake''': Mmm... these are my favorite!
:'''Josh''': Ohh, it burns! Aghh! Aghh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
Josh sobs 
I AM TALKING TO PEOPLE!!! 
UNINVITED!!! [storms away] 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:''[Drake enters his and Josh's room]''
:'''Drake''': Hey.
:'''Josh''': Well? Did you go to Thornton's house? Did you apologize?
:'''Drake''': Yeah, I went to Thornton's house, and I apologized.
:'''Josh''': Well, perfect, and?
:'''Drake''': He had his housekeeper kick me out, then he hit me with a broom, and I fell down some brick stairs.
:'''Josh''': ''[groans]'' I really wanted to go to that party. Why do you ruin everything?
:'''Drake''': Don't worry, alright? I'm gonna figure a way to get even with that Thornton.
:'''Josh''': I don't wanna get even. ''[whining]'' I WANNA GO TO THAT BIRTHDAY PARTY!
:'''Drake''': Bro, Thornton hates us.
:'''Josh''': Well, let's make him love us again.
:'''Drake''': I tried.
:'''Josh''': Well, maybe we can... ''[notices Drake's autographed [[The Beatles|Beatles]] ''Abbey Road'' album]'' Hey. Isn't Thornton a huge Beatles fan?
:'''Drake''': Well, yeah, but I don't see what that has to do-- [realizes what Josh means] Oh, no, no. No way. ''[hides it in his arms]'' Don't even think about it.
:'''Josh''': I'm telling you, if we give him that album--
:'''Drake''': Absolutely not.
:'''Josh''': I guarantee you he'll re-invite us.
:'''Drake''': Dude, I love this album more than I love myself.
:'''Josh''': Dude.
:'''Drake''': Okay, but I love this album a lot. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
NOT UNTIL I GET MY BEETLES ALBUM BACK!!!

===[[w:Really Big Shrimp|Really Big Shrimp]]===
&lt;small&gt;Note: This episode was an hour long.&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Crazy Steve''': ''[looks at his watch]'' It's time! ''[he steals old man's cane and starts chasing Josh]'' You ate my enchilada!
:'''Josh''': There was no note!
:'''Crazy Steve''': You ate my enchilada!
:'''Josh''': There was no note! 

:'''Crazy Steve''': You ate my enchilada! 
:'''Josh''': I thought we settled this! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Audrey''': ''[hears doorbell; talking about Helen and Lula]'' Walter, they're here.
:'''Walter''': Ooh. ''[walks before the front door]''
:'''Megan''': Dad, are you sure about this?
:'''Walter''': Yes. And we are doing a very nice thing for a sweet old lady. ''[Lula breaks the door in] ''
:'''Lula''': Where's the bathroom?!
:'''Audrey''': Did you just break our door in?!
:'''Lula''': I rang the doorbell, waited 25 seconds, no one answered, what I supposed to do?
:'''Josh''': You could've rang the doorbell, again.
:'''Lula''': ''[to Helen]'' Who's that boy with a big head that looks like a tooth pick with a cantaloupe on top? ''[Megan laughs and Josh give her a furious look]''
:'''Megan''': What, am I going to pretend that wasn't funny?
:'''Helen''': That's Josh, he works with me at the Premeire. ''[introduces everyone else]'' That's Drake, I prefer him. That's Megan, that's Mrs. Parker (Audrey), and this is...''[forgets who Walter is]''
:'''Walter''': Walter!
:'''Lula''': Great, now where's the bathroom?!
:'''Audrey''': Right through that door.
:'''Lula''': Well, thank you for finally giving me that information! ''[walks into bathroom and slams door]''
:'''Audrey''': Is she always so--? 
:'''Helen''': Buh-bye! ''[goes away]''
:'''Megan''': I can't believe that lady is staying in our guest room for a week.
:'''Walter''': No, she's staying in your room.
:'''Megan''': What?!
:'''Audrey''': You'll be staying in the boys' room.
:'''Drake, Josh and Megan''': What?!
:'''Josh''': This is an outrage!
:'''Drake''': What are we gonna stay?
:'''Walter''': ''[to Drake and Josh]'' Your room is huge. The three of you will be fine for a week.
:'''Megan''': Aw, this is horrible.
:'''Walter''': It's not that bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Megan''': Fine, I'll tell him. Josh, Molly thinks you're cute.
:'''Megan's Friends''': Eww!
:''[Josh walks out of the room]''
:'''Molly''': Call me!!
:'''Megan's Friends''': Eww!
:''[Josh peeks his head back through the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Drake arrives home]''
:'''Audrey''': Super Bowl's on.
:'''Drake''': I don't care.
:'''Josh''': Come on, the commercial's up in about two minutes. You gotta watch. It's your song.
:'''Drake''': It's not my song. It's horrible bubble-gum pop garbage-y badness. That 50,000,000 people are about to hear. I'll be on the roof.
:'''Josh''': Why?
:'''Drake''': Because you're not there. ''[walks away]''
:'''Josh''': Drake! ''[runs off to Drake]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crazy Steve''': Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in...
:'''Lula''': ''[annoyed]'' I know how to breathe!
:'''Crazy Steve''': ''[screaming]'' '''''JUST DO WHAT I SAY!'''''
:'''Lula''': ''[scared]'' Okay. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mindy''': ''[Yells after Crazy Steve goes insane]'' Help! Crazy Steve's gone berserk! 
:'''Josh &amp; Helen''': Crazy Steve!? 
:'''Mindy''': WHO ELSE!? 
:'''Josh''': But it's Monday, you can't schedule Crazy Steve to work on a Monday! 
:'''Helen''': Monday's his bad day! 
:'''Mindy''': Well, no one TOLD me that!!! 
:'''Crazy Steve''': ''[waving nutted shoes]'' CUCKADOODLEDOO, THE COW SAYS MOO!!! 

&lt; 
Which is why you’re fired. 

&lt; 
Will you not scream in my room? 

&lt; 
I want the shrimp.

===Helicopter===
:''[Drake and Josh try to wake up Vince]''
:'''Josh''': Hey, hey. He's awake.
:'''Drake''': You're awake!
:'''Vince''': ''[wakes up]'' Oh, what happened? How long I been out?
:'''Drake''': About 10 minutes. 
:'''Vince''': Oh, I remember. You clowns were fighting over this parachute. ''[holds his head]'' Oh, what'd I hit my head on?
:'''Josh''': This fire extinguisher.
:'''Vince''': Oh.
:'''Josh''': See, I'm pretty sure you hit your head right on this lever-- ''[he sprays Vince with a fire extinguisher and Vince screams outside after he pranked him]''
:'''Drake''': ''[angrily]'' Do you know what you just did?!
:'''Josh''': ''[worried]'' I extinguished our pilot?
:'''Drake''': ''[angrily]'' No, he has a parachute! You've extinguished us!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
It opened! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Vince angrily arrives at Drake and Josh's house after Drake and Josh blasted him out of the helicopter]''
:'''Vince''': You blasted me out of my own helicopter.
:'''Drake &amp; Josh''': Wha-- shh!
:'''Drake''': Not in front of our parents.
:'''Audrey''': Who is it?
:'''Drake &amp; Josh''': Uh--
:'''Drake''': Some, crazy, guy.
:''[Josh whistles]''
:'''Walter''': ''[to Audrey]'' I'll handle this. ''[he walks over to Vince]'' How can I help you?
:'''Vince''': Are you their father?
:'''Walter''': Yes. ''[Vince angrily gives him a bill]'' What's this?
:'''Vince''': ''[angrily]'' A bill. That's how much you owe me for my new helicopter.
:'''Walter''': What? ''[looks at the bill Vince gave him]'' '''''$400,000?!'''''
:''[Audrey and Megan are both shocked]''
:'''Drake''': ''[as Walter]'' Boys, you're both grounded.
:'''Josh''': But, Dad--
:'''Drake''': ''[as Walter]'' Grounded, two weeks.
:'''Josh''': But it wasn't our fault!
:'''Drake''': ''[as Walter]'' Upstairs.
:'''Josh''': ''[defeated]'' Yes, sir.
:'''Drake''': Night.
:'''Josh''': Night.
:''[Drake and Josh head upstairs and ground themselves for two weeks as Walter needs to pay $400,000 for Vince's new helicopter]''

===Dance Contest===
:'''Eric''': So, uh, Josh, thanks for throwing me this... great party.
:'''Drake''': Yeah, this is quite a party. Hope the neighbors don't call the cops on us.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:’’’Stage director’’’: STOP IT! (14x) Perhaps, you lady didn’t read the rules: you fight, you’re out! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Drake and Josh''': ''[last lines]'' Who is she?

==External links==

{{wikipedia|Drake &amp; Josh}}

[[Category:Drake &amp; Josh seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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    <title>Star Wars: The Force Awakens</title>
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[[File:Star Wars The Force Awakens.jpg|thumb|The crazy thing is — ''it's true''. [[The Force]], the Jedi. [[All]] of it. It's all true. ~  [[w:Han Solo|Han Solo]] ]]
'''''[[w: Star Wars: The Force Awakens|Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens''''') is a 2015 American epic space opera film directed, co-produced, and co-written by [[J. J. Abrams]]. It is the first film in the [[w:Star Wars sequel trilogy|Star Wars sequel trilogy]], announced after The Walt Disney Company's acquisition of Lucasfilm in October 2012.

==Opening crawl==
* Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|FIRST ORDER]] has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. &lt;br /&gt; With the support of the REPUBLIC, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....

==General Hux==
* ''[Addressing an assembly of [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|First Order]] troops]'' Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order, and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!

==Dialogue==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|The [[Jedi]] were real? ~ [[w:Rey (Star Wars)|Rey]]]]
:''[The First Order troops have captured Lor San Tekka and bring him to Kylo Ren]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Look how old you've become.
:'''Tekka''': Something far worse has happened to you.
:'''Ren''': You know what I've come for.
:'''Tekka''': I know where you come from. Before you called yourself &quot;Kylo Ren&quot;.
:'''Ren''': The map to Skywalker. We know you've found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order.
:'''Tekka''': The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not.
:'''Ren''': I'll show you the dark side.
:'''Tekka''': You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.
:'''Ren''': You're so right. ''[draws his lightsaber and kills Tekka]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey and Finn, under fire from TIE fighters, run towards a Quadjumper to escape Jakku]''
:'''Finn''': What about that ship? ''[points in another direction]''
:'''Rey''': That one's garbage! ''[sees the Quadjumper destroyed by the TIEs; stunned]'' The garbage will do. ''[they run towards the &quot;garbage&quot; ship, which appears to be the ''[[w:Millennium Falcon|Millennium Falcon]]'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Having just ensnared the ''Millennium Falcon'' aboard their own ship, the ''Eravana'', Han Solo and Chewbacca board it with their weapons ready.]''
:'''Han Solo''': Chewie, we're home. ''[nods to Chewbacca to check out the ship, then lifts off the grating and is shocked to see Rey and Finn with their hands raised in surrender]'' Where are the others? Where's the pilot?
:'''Rey''': I'm the pilot.
:'''Han''': You?! ''[Chewie grunts in disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': No, it's true; we're the only ones on board.
:'''Finn''': ''[regarding Chewbacca]'' You can understand that thing?
:'''Han''': And that &quot;thing&quot; can understand you, too, so watch it! Come on outta there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance, leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise.
:'''General Hux''': Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility—
:'''Snoke''': GENERAL! Our strategy must now change.
:'''Hux''': The weapon... it is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance... the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.
:'''Snoke''': Go. Oversee preparations.
:'''Hux''': Yes, Supreme Leader.
:'''Snoke''': There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?
:'''Ren''': Yes.
:'''Snoke''': There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the ''Millennium Falcon''... in the hands of your father, Han... Solo.
:'''Ren''': He means nothing to me.
:'''Snoke''': Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.
:'''Ren''': By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.
:'''Snoke''': We shall see. ''[as his hologram fades]'' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[BB-8 shows Han, Finn, and Rey the map to Luke Skywalker]''
:'''Han''': This map's not complete. It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him.
:'''Rey''': Why did he leave?
:'''Han''': He was training a new generation of Jedi. There was nobody else left to do it, so he took the burden on himself. Everything was going great, until... one boy, an apprentice, turned against him and destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just... walked away from everything.
:'''Finn''': Do you know what happened to him?
:'''Han''': There were a lot of rumors. Stories. People who knew him best, think he went looking for the first [[w:Jedi|Jedi]] temple.
:'''Rey''': ''[in awe]'' The Jedi were real?
:'''Han''': I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force, the Jedi. All of it. It's all true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Having experienced a strange vision after touching the Skywalker lightsaber, Rey stumbles backwards out of the room. She sees Maz Kanata walk towards her]''
:'''Rey''': What was that? ''[pause]'' I shouldn't have gone in there.
:'''Maz''': That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to ''you''.
:'''Rey''': I have to get back to Jakku.
:'''Maz''': Han told me. ''[She removes her goggles and takes Rey's hand]'' Dear child, I see your eyes; you already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. ''[Rey sheds a tear]'' But there's someone who still could. 
:'''Rey''': Luke. 
:'''Maz''': The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes... feel it. The light... it's always been there, it will guide you. The saber, take it.
:'''Rey''': I'm never touching that thing again. I don't want any part of this! ''[runs away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Where am I?	
:'''Ren''': You're my guest.
:'''Rey''': Where are the others?
:'''Ren''': You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call ''friends''? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea. ''[slight pause]'' You still want to kill me.
:'''Rey''': That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask, revealing his face. He moves forward, slams his mask down onto a table. He stands in front of Rey]'' Tell me about the droid.
:'''Rey''': He's a BB-unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—
:'''Ren''': Carrying a section of the navigation chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we need the last piece, and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. You...a scavenger. ''[slight pause]'' You know I can take whatever I want. ''[reaches his hand towards Rey's face. Rey looks away, struggling to keep Kylo Ren out of her head]'' You've been so lonely, so afraid to leave. At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo; you feel like he's like the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.
:'''Rey''': Get out of my head!
:'''Ren''': ''[moves back, keeping his hand close to Rey's face]'' I know you've seen the map. It's in there, and now, you'll give it to me. ''[continues to probe Rey's mind. Rey continues to resist]'' Don't be afraid; I feel it, too.
:'''Rey''': I'm not giving you anything!
:'''Ren''': We'll see. ''[struggles to read Rey's thoughts. After a few moments, he looks at Rey with disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': You... you're afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!
:''[Ren puts his hand down. Both he and Rey stare at each other, confused and afraid of what has happened]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Poe''': The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report.
:'''Snap''': They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself.
:'''Brance''': A laser cannon?
:'''Snap''': We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.
:'''Major Ematt''': It's another Death Star.
:'''Poe''': I wish that were the case, Major. ''[Poe controls a holographic display showing the Death Star.]'' This ''was'' the Death Star... ''[presses a button that scales the Death Star against a colossally large Starkiller Base]'' ... and this is Starkiller Base.
:'''Han''': So it's big.
:'''Admiral Ackbar''': How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?
:'''Finn''': It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before Han takes Finn, Chewie, and the ''Falcon'' on the mission to Starkiller Base]''
:'''Leia''': You know, no matter how much we fought, I've always hated watching you leave.
:'''Han''': That's why I did it. So you'd miss me.
:'''Leia''': I did miss you. 
:'''Han''': It wasn't all bad, was it? Huh? Some of it was... good.
:'''Leia''': Pretty good.
:'''Han''': Some things never change.
:'''Leia''': True. You still drive me crazy. ''[they embrace once more]'' If you see our son, bring him home.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey encounters Finn, Han, and Chewie in Starkiller Base]''
:'''Rey''': Finn, what are you doing here?
:'''Finn''': We came back for you.
:'''Chewbacca''': ''[explanatory grunt]''
:'''Finn''': What did he say?
:'''Rey''': That it was your idea. ''[hugs Finn]'' Thank you.
:'''Finn''': How did you get away?
:'''Rey''': I can't explain it, and you wouldn't believe it.
:'''Han''': Escape now, hug later!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Han sees Kylo Ren cross a walkway over Starkiller Base's reactor shaft. He hesitates at first, but decides to confront him]''
:'''Han''': BEN!
:'''Ren''': Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
:'''Han''': ''[slowly walking towards Ren]'' Take off that mask. You don't need it.
:'''Ren''': What do you think you'll see if I do?
:'''Han''': The face of my son.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask]'' Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.
:'''Han''': That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive.
:'''Ren''': No. The Supreme Leader is wise.
:'''Han''': Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true.
:'''Ren''': It's too late.
:'''Han''': No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.
:'''Ren''': ''[Gradually pained]'' I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?
:'''Han''': Yes. Anything.
:''[Ren drops his mask, and offers his lightsaber to Han. As Han grabs it, the last rays of sunlight are absorbed into the Starkiller weapon, and Ren hesitates. After a brief moment, however, Ren ignites his saber through Han's chest, and Chewbacca roars in despair]''
:'''Rey''': NO!
:'''Ren''': ''[To a distraught Han]'' Thank you.
:''[Han touches his son's face, then succumbs to his wound, his body tumbling off the walkway down the reactor shaft]''

== Quotes about ''The Force Awakens'' ==
* I came on board and Disney had already decided they didn’t want to go that direction [with George Lucas's treatments], so the mandate was to start from scratch and tell a story that was the continuum… And Kathleen Kennedy brought on Larry Kasdan and Michael Arndt, and it was those people I began working with.
* We didn’t write a treatment but there are countless times we came up with something and said “oh, this would be so great for Episode VIII!” or “That's what we could get to in IX!” It was just that kind of forward-moving story. But we knew this had to neither be a backwards moving nostalgic trip only nor a beginning of a movie without a satisfying conclusion, and that was part of the balancing act — embracing what we have inherited and using that where and whenever possible to tell a story that hasn’t been seen yet.
** J.J. Abrams [http://www.slashfilm.com/jj-abrams-interview-star-wars-the-force-awakens/]

* It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy. The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire. And the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side.
: Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire; the Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures.
:* [[Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/29/star-wars-stephen-colbert]

* &lt;!-- The wait is over. The movie event of the year is here. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, number seven in the series for those who wouldn't know a Jedi from a Jar Jar, emerges bloody with unrealistic expectations but gloriously unbowed.  --&gt; It's everything the kid in us goes to the movies for — marvelous adventure that leaves us surprised, scared and euphoric. … As any [[Star Wars]] fan knows, bloodlines are crucial to the plot. And there are times when everyone seems related to everyone else. (The [[George Lucas|Lucas]] template is drawn from sources as diverse as [[the Bible]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Sophocles#Oedipus_Rex|Oedipus Rex]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner|Road Runner cartoons]].) Bad things happen to those who issue spoilers about this franchise. But I will say this: The action, from lightsaber duels to X-wing dogfights with TIE Fighters, is explosive and buoyed by [[John Williams]]' exultant score. And the movie is also funny as hell. Abrams knows how to build a [[laugh]] and fill the emotional spaces between words. He's a fanboy who knows what fanboys want, but he also delivers the goods for the rest of us. Giving starring roles to a black man, a white woman and a Latino is the right idea that could have gone seriously wrong; instead, it's quietly history making.
** [[w:Peter Travers|Peter Travers]], in his [http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/star-wars-the-force-awakens-20151216 review in ''Rolling Stone'' (16 December 2015)]

== Cast ==
* [[Harrison Ford]] - Han Solo
* [[Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker
* [[Peter Mayhew]] - Chewbacca
* [[Carrie Fisher]] - General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] - Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] - Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] - FN-2187 / Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] - Poe Dameron
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] - Maz Kanata
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] - General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] - C-3PO
* [[w:Max von Sydow|Max von Sydow]] - Lor San Tekka
----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-force-awakens}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens ''Star Wars: The Force Awakens'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2488496|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_vii|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by J. J. Abrams]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Lawrence Kasdan]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Films directed by J.J. Abrams]]</text>
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      <comment>Undo revision 3146166 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]])</comment>
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[[File:Star Wars The Force Awakens.jpg|thumb|The crazy thing is — ''it's true''. [[The Force]], the Jedi. [[All]] of it. It's all true. ~  [[w:Han Solo|Han Solo]] ]]
'''''[[w: Star Wars: The Force Awakens|Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens''''') is a 2015 American epic space opera film directed, co-produced, and co-written by [[J. J. Abrams]]. It is the first film in the [[w:Star Wars sequel trilogy|Star Wars sequel trilogy]], announced after The Walt Disney Company's acquisition of Lucasfilm in October 2012.

==Opening crawl==
* Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|FIRST ORDER]] has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. &lt;br /&gt; With the support of the REPUBLIC, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....

==General Hux==
* ''[Addressing an assembly of [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|First Order]] troops]'' Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order, and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!

==Dialogue==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|The [[Jedi]] were real? ~ [[w:Rey (Star Wars)|Rey]]]]
:''[The First Order troops have captured Lor San Tekka and bring him to Kylo Ren]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Look how old you've become.
:'''Tekka''': Something far worse has happened to you.
:'''Ren''': You know what I've come for.
:'''Tekka''': I know where you come from. Before you called yourself &quot;Kylo Ren&quot;.
:'''Ren''': The map to Skywalker. We know you've found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order.
:'''Tekka''': The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not.
:'''Ren''': I'll show you the dark side.
:'''Tekka''': You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.
:'''Ren''': You're so right. ''[draws his lightsaber and kills Tekka]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey and Finn, under fire from TIE fighters, run towards a Quadjumper to escape Jakku]''
:'''Finn''': What about that ship? ''[points in another direction]''
:'''Rey''': That one's garbage! ''[sees the Quadjumper destroyed by the TIEs; stunned]'' The garbage will do. ''[they run towards the &quot;garbage&quot; ship, which appears to be the ''[[w:Millennium Falcon|Millennium Falcon]]'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Having just ensnared the ''Millennium Falcon'' aboard their own ship, the ''Eravana'', Han Solo and Chewbacca board it with their weapons ready.]''
:'''Han Solo''': Chewie, we're home. ''[nods to Chewbacca to check out the ship, then lifts off the grating and is shocked to see Rey and Finn with their hands raised in surrender]'' Where are the others? Where's the pilot?
:'''Rey''': I'm the pilot.
:'''Han''': You?! ''[Chewie grunts in disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': No, it's true; we're the only ones on board.
:'''Finn''': ''[regarding Chewbacca]'' You can understand that thing?
:'''Han''': And that &quot;thing&quot; can understand you, too, so watch it! Come on outta there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance, leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise.
:'''General Hux''': Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility—
:'''Snoke''': GENERAL! Our strategy must now change.
:'''Hux''': The weapon... it is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance... the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.
:'''Snoke''': Go. Oversee preparations.
:'''Hux''': Yes, Supreme Leader.
:'''Snoke''': There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?
:'''Ren''': Yes.
:'''Snoke''': There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the ''Millennium Falcon''... in the hands of your father, Han... Solo.
:'''Ren''': He means nothing to me.
:'''Snoke''': Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.
:'''Ren''': By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.
:'''Snoke''': We shall see. ''[as his hologram fades]'' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kylo Ren talking to Vader's helmet]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull to the light. Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again. The power of the darkness, and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me, Grandfather...and I will finish...what you started.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[BB-8 shows Han, Finn, and Rey the map to Luke Skywalker]''
:'''Han''': This map's not complete. It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him.
:'''Rey''': Why did he leave?
:'''Han''': He was training a new generation of Jedi. There was nobody else left to do it, so he took the burden on himself. Everything was going great, until... one boy, an apprentice, turned against him and destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just... walked away from everything.
:'''Finn''': Do you know what happened to him?
:'''Han''': There were a lot of rumors. Stories. People who knew him best, think he went looking for the first [[w:Jedi|Jedi]] temple.
:'''Rey''': ''[in awe]'' The Jedi were real?
:'''Han''': I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force, the Jedi. All of it. It's all true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Having experienced a strange vision after touching the Skywalker lightsaber, Rey stumbles backwards out of the room. She sees Maz Kanata walk towards her]''
:'''Rey''': What was that? ''[pause]'' I shouldn't have gone in there.
:'''Maz''': That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to ''you''.
:'''Rey''': I have to get back to Jakku.
:'''Maz''': Han told me. ''[She removes her goggles and takes Rey's hand]'' Dear child, I see your eyes; you already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. ''[Rey sheds a tear]'' But there's someone who still could. 
:'''Rey''': Luke. 
:'''Maz''': The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes... feel it. The light... it's always been there, it will guide you. The saber, take it.
:'''Rey''': I'm never touching that thing again. I don't want any part of this! ''[runs away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Where am I?	
:'''Ren''': You're my guest.
:'''Rey''': Where are the others?
:'''Ren''': You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call ''friends''? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea. ''[slight pause]'' You still want to kill me.
:'''Rey''': That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask, revealing his face. He moves forward, slams his mask down onto a table. He stands in front of Rey]'' Tell me about the droid.
:'''Rey''': He's a BB-unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—
:'''Ren''': Carrying a section of the navigation chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we need the last piece, and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. You...a scavenger. ''[slight pause]'' You know I can take whatever I want. ''[reaches his hand towards Rey's face. Rey looks away, struggling to keep Kylo Ren out of her head]'' You've been so lonely, so afraid to leave. At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo; you feel like he's like the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.
:'''Rey''': Get out of my head!
:'''Ren''': ''[moves back, keeping his hand close to Rey's face]'' I know you've seen the map. It's in there, and now, you'll give it to me. ''[continues to probe Rey's mind. Rey continues to resist]'' Don't be afraid; I feel it, too.
:'''Rey''': I'm not giving you anything!
:'''Ren''': We'll see. ''[struggles to read Rey's thoughts. After a few moments, he looks at Rey with disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': You... you're afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!
:''[Ren puts his hand down. Both he and Rey stare at each other, confused and afraid of what has happened]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Snoke''': The scavenger resisted you?!!
:'''Ren''': She is strong with the Force!! Untrained, but stronger than she knows!
:'''Snoke''': And the droid?
:'''Hux''': Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us… that the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.
:'''Snoke''': Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker.
:'''Hux''': We have their location. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.
:'''Snoke''': Good. Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.
:'''Ren''': Supreme Leader, I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.
:'''Snoke''': If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Poe''': The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report.
:'''Snap''': They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself.
:'''Brance''': A laser cannon?
:'''Snap''': We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.
:'''Major Ematt''': It's another Death Star.
:'''Poe''': I wish that were the case, Major. ''[Poe controls a holographic display showing the Death Star.]'' This ''was'' the Death Star... ''[presses a button that scales the Death Star against a colossally large Starkiller Base]'' ... and this is Starkiller Base.
:'''Han''': So it's big.
:'''Admiral Ackbar''': How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?
:'''Finn''': It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before Han takes Finn, Chewie, and the ''Falcon'' on the mission to Starkiller Base]''
:'''Leia''': You know, no matter how much we fought, I've always hated watching you leave.
:'''Han''': That's why I did it. So you'd miss me.
:'''Leia''': I did miss you. 
:'''Han''': It wasn't all bad, was it? Huh? Some of it was... good.
:'''Leia''': Pretty good.
:'''Han''': Some things never change.
:'''Leia''': True. You still drive me crazy. ''[they embrace once more]'' If you see our son, bring him home.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey encounters Finn, Han, and Chewie in Starkiller Base]''
:'''Rey''': Finn, what are you doing here?
:'''Finn''': We came back for you.
:'''Chewbacca''': ''[explanatory grunt]''
:'''Finn''': What did he say?
:'''Rey''': That it was your idea. ''[hugs Finn]'' Thank you.
:'''Finn''': How did you get away?
:'''Rey''': I can't explain it, and you wouldn't believe it.
:'''Han''': Escape now, hug later!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Han sees Kylo Ren cross a walkway over Starkiller Base's reactor shaft. He hesitates at first, but decides to confront him]''
:'''Han''': BEN!
:'''Ren''': Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
:'''Han''': ''[slowly walking towards Ren]'' Take off that mask. You don't need it.
:'''Ren''': What do you think you'll see if I do?
:'''Han''': The face of my son.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask]'' Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.
:'''Han''': That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive.
:'''Ren''': No. The Supreme Leader is wise.
:'''Han''': Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true.
:'''Ren''': It's too late.
:'''Han''': No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.
:'''Ren''': ''[Gradually pained]'' I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?
:'''Han''': Yes. Anything.
:''[Ren drops his mask, and offers his lightsaber to Han. As Han grabs it, the last rays of sunlight are absorbed into the Starkiller weapon, and Ren hesitates. After a brief moment, however, Ren ignites his saber through Han's chest, and Chewbacca roars in despair]''
:'''Rey''': NO!
:'''Ren''': ''[To a distraught Han]'' Thank you.
:''[Han touches his son's face, then succumbs to his wound, his body tumbling off the walkway down the reactor shaft]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hux''': Supreme Leader! The fuel cells have ruptured! The collapse of the planet has begun!
:'''Snoke''': Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren. It is time to complete his training.

== Quotes about ''The Force Awakens'' ==
* I came on board and Disney had already decided they didn’t want to go that direction [with George Lucas's treatments], so the mandate was to start from scratch and tell a story that was the continuum… And Kathleen Kennedy brought on Larry Kasdan and Michael Arndt, and it was those people I began working with.
* We didn’t write a treatment but there are countless times we came up with something and said “oh, this would be so great for Episode VIII!” or “That's what we could get to in IX!” It was just that kind of forward-moving story. But we knew this had to neither be a backwards moving nostalgic trip only nor a beginning of a movie without a satisfying conclusion, and that was part of the balancing act — embracing what we have inherited and using that where and whenever possible to tell a story that hasn’t been seen yet.
** J.J. Abrams [http://www.slashfilm.com/jj-abrams-interview-star-wars-the-force-awakens/]

* It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy. The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire. And the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side.
: Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire; the Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures.
:* [[Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/29/star-wars-stephen-colbert]

* &lt;!-- The wait is over. The movie event of the year is here. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, number seven in the series for those who wouldn't know a Jedi from a Jar Jar, emerges bloody with unrealistic expectations but gloriously unbowed.  --&gt; It's everything the kid in us goes to the movies for — marvelous adventure that leaves us surprised, scared and euphoric. … As any [[Star Wars]] fan knows, bloodlines are crucial to the plot. And there are times when everyone seems related to everyone else. (The [[George Lucas|Lucas]] template is drawn from sources as diverse as [[the Bible]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Sophocles#Oedipus_Rex|Oedipus Rex]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner|Road Runner cartoons]].) Bad things happen to those who issue spoilers about this franchise. But I will say this: The action, from lightsaber duels to X-wing dogfights with TIE Fighters, is explosive and buoyed by [[John Williams]]' exultant score. And the movie is also funny as hell. Abrams knows how to build a [[laugh]] and fill the emotional spaces between words. He's a fanboy who knows what fanboys want, but he also delivers the goods for the rest of us. Giving starring roles to a black man, a white woman and a Latino is the right idea that could have gone seriously wrong; instead, it's quietly history making.
** [[w:Peter Travers|Peter Travers]], in his [http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/star-wars-the-force-awakens-20151216 review in ''Rolling Stone'' (16 December 2015)]

== Cast ==
* [[Harrison Ford]] - Han Solo
* [[Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker
* [[Peter Mayhew]] - Chewbacca
* [[Carrie Fisher]] - General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] - Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] - Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] - FN-2187 / Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] - Poe Dameron
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] - Maz Kanata
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] - General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] - C-3PO
* [[w:Max von Sydow|Max von Sydow]] - Lor San Tekka
----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-force-awakens}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens ''Star Wars: The Force Awakens'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2488496|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_vii|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by J. J. Abrams]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Lawrence Kasdan]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Films directed by J.J. Abrams]]</text>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
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      <comment>Undo revision 3146169 by [[Special:Contributions/Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]])retrim</comment>
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[[File:Star Wars The Force Awakens.jpg|thumb|The crazy thing is — ''it's true''. [[The Force]], the Jedi. [[All]] of it. It's all true. ~  [[w:Han Solo|Han Solo]] ]]
'''''[[w: Star Wars: The Force Awakens|Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens''''') is a 2015 American epic space opera film directed, co-produced, and co-written by [[J. J. Abrams]]. It is the first film in the [[w:Star Wars sequel trilogy|Star Wars sequel trilogy]], announced after The Walt Disney Company's acquisition of Lucasfilm in October 2012.

==Opening crawl==
* Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|FIRST ORDER]] has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. &lt;br /&gt; With the support of the REPUBLIC, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....

==General Hux==
* ''[Addressing an assembly of [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|First Order]] troops]'' Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order, and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!

==Dialogue==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|The [[Jedi]] were real? ~ [[w:Rey (Star Wars)|Rey]]]]
:''[The First Order troops have captured Lor San Tekka and bring him to Kylo Ren]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Look how old you've become.
:'''Tekka''': Something far worse has happened to you.
:'''Ren''': You know what I've come for.
:'''Tekka''': I know where you come from. Before you called yourself &quot;Kylo Ren&quot;.
:'''Ren''': The map to Skywalker. We know you've found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order.
:'''Tekka''': The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not.
:'''Ren''': I'll show you the dark side.
:'''Tekka''': You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.
:'''Ren''': You're so right. ''[draws his lightsaber and kills Tekka]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey and Finn, under fire from TIE fighters, run towards a Quadjumper to escape Jakku]''
:'''Finn''': What about that ship? ''[points in another direction]''
:'''Rey''': That one's garbage! ''[sees the Quadjumper destroyed by the TIEs; stunned]'' The garbage will do. ''[they run towards the &quot;garbage&quot; ship, which appears to be the ''[[w:Millennium Falcon|Millennium Falcon]]'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Having just ensnared the ''Millennium Falcon'' aboard their own ship, the ''Eravana'', Han Solo and Chewbacca board it with their weapons ready.]''
:'''Han Solo''': Chewie, we're home. ''[nods to Chewbacca to check out the ship, then lifts off the grating and is shocked to see Rey and Finn with their hands raised in surrender]'' Where are the others? Where's the pilot?
:'''Rey''': I'm the pilot.
:'''Han''': You?! ''[Chewie grunts in disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': No, it's true; we're the only ones on board.
:'''Finn''': ''[regarding Chewbacca]'' You can understand that thing?
:'''Han''': And that &quot;thing&quot; can understand you, too, so watch it! Come on outta there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance, leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise.
:'''General Hux''': Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility—
:'''Snoke''': GENERAL! Our strategy must now change.
:'''Hux''': The weapon... it is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance... the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.
:'''Snoke''': Go. Oversee preparations.
:'''Hux''': Yes, Supreme Leader.
:'''Snoke''': There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?
:'''Ren''': Yes.
:'''Snoke''': There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the ''Millennium Falcon''... in the hands of your father, Han... Solo.
:'''Ren''': He means nothing to me.
:'''Snoke''': Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.
:'''Ren''': By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.
:'''Snoke''': We shall see. ''[as his hologram fades]'' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[BB-8 shows Han, Finn, and Rey the map to Luke Skywalker]''
:'''Han''': This map's not complete. It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him.
:'''Rey''': Why did he leave?
:'''Han''': He was training a new generation of Jedi. There was nobody else left to do it, so he took the burden on himself. Everything was going great, until... one boy, an apprentice, turned against him and destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just... walked away from everything.
:'''Finn''': Do you know what happened to him?
:'''Han''': There were a lot of rumors. Stories. People who knew him best, think he went looking for the first [[w:Jedi|Jedi]] temple.
:'''Rey''': ''[in awe]'' The Jedi were real?
:'''Han''': I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force, the Jedi. All of it. It's all true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Having experienced a strange vision after touching the Skywalker lightsaber, Rey stumbles backwards out of the room. She sees Maz Kanata walk towards her]''
:'''Rey''': What was that? ''[pause]'' I shouldn't have gone in there.
:'''Maz''': That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to ''you''.
:'''Rey''': I have to get back to Jakku.
:'''Maz''': Han told me. ''[She removes her goggles and takes Rey's hand]'' Dear child, I see your eyes; you already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. ''[Rey sheds a tear]'' But there's someone who still could. 
:'''Rey''': Luke. 
:'''Maz''': The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes... feel it. The light... it's always been there, it will guide you. The saber, take it.
:'''Rey''': I'm never touching that thing again. I don't want any part of this! ''[runs away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Where am I?	
:'''Ren''': You're my guest.
:'''Rey''': Where are the others?
:'''Ren''': You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call ''friends''? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea. ''[slight pause]'' You still want to kill me.
:'''Rey''': That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask, revealing his face. He moves forward, slams his mask down onto a table. He stands in front of Rey]'' Tell me about the droid.
:'''Rey''': He's a BB-unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—
:'''Ren''': Carrying a section of the navigation chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we need the last piece, and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. You...a scavenger. ''[slight pause]'' You know I can take whatever I want. ''[reaches his hand towards Rey's face. Rey looks away, struggling to keep Kylo Ren out of her head]'' You've been so lonely, so afraid to leave. At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo; you feel like he's like the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.
:'''Rey''': Get out of my head!
:'''Ren''': ''[moves back, keeping his hand close to Rey's face]'' I know you've seen the map. It's in there, and now, you'll give it to me. ''[continues to probe Rey's mind. Rey continues to resist]'' Don't be afraid; I feel it, too.
:'''Rey''': I'm not giving you anything!
:'''Ren''': We'll see. ''[struggles to read Rey's thoughts. After a few moments, he looks at Rey with disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': You... you're afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!
:''[Ren puts his hand down. Both he and Rey stare at each other, confused and afraid of what has happened]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Poe''': The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report.
:'''Snap''': They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself.
:'''Brance''': A laser cannon?
:'''Snap''': We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.
:'''Major Ematt''': It's another Death Star.
:'''Poe''': I wish that were the case, Major. ''[Poe controls a holographic display showing the Death Star.]'' This ''was'' the Death Star... ''[presses a button that scales the Death Star against a colossally large Starkiller Base]'' ... and this is Starkiller Base.
:'''Han''': So it's big.
:'''Admiral Ackbar''': How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?
:'''Finn''': It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before Han takes Finn, Chewie, and the ''Falcon'' on the mission to Starkiller Base]''
:'''Leia''': You know, no matter how much we fought, I've always hated watching you leave.
:'''Han''': That's why I did it. So you'd miss me.
:'''Leia''': I did miss you. 
:'''Han''': It wasn't all bad, was it? Huh? Some of it was... good.
:'''Leia''': Pretty good.
:'''Han''': Some things never change.
:'''Leia''': True. You still drive me crazy. ''[they embrace once more]'' If you see our son, bring him home.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey encounters Finn, Han, and Chewie in Starkiller Base]''
:'''Rey''': Finn, what are you doing here?
:'''Finn''': We came back for you.
:'''Chewbacca''': ''[explanatory grunt]''
:'''Finn''': What did he say?
:'''Rey''': That it was your idea. ''[hugs Finn]'' Thank you.
:'''Finn''': How did you get away?
:'''Rey''': I can't explain it, and you wouldn't believe it.
:'''Han''': Escape now, hug later!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Han sees Kylo Ren cross a walkway over Starkiller Base's reactor shaft. He hesitates at first, but decides to confront him]''
:'''Han''': BEN!
:'''Ren''': Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
:'''Han''': ''[slowly walking towards Ren]'' Take off that mask. You don't need it.
:'''Ren''': What do you think you'll see if I do?
:'''Han''': The face of my son.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask]'' Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.
:'''Han''': That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive.
:'''Ren''': No. The Supreme Leader is wise.
:'''Han''': Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true.
:'''Ren''': It's too late.
:'''Han''': No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.
:'''Ren''': ''[Gradually pained]'' I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?
:'''Han''': Yes. Anything.
:''[Ren drops his mask, and offers his lightsaber to Han. As Han grabs it, the last rays of sunlight are absorbed into the Starkiller weapon, and Ren hesitates. After a brief moment, however, Ren ignites his saber through Han's chest, and Chewbacca roars in despair]''
:'''Rey''': NO!
:'''Ren''': ''[To a distraught Han]'' Thank you.
:''[Han touches his son's face, then succumbs to his wound, his body tumbling off the walkway down the reactor shaft]''

== Quotes about ''The Force Awakens'' ==
* I came on board and Disney had already decided they didn’t want to go that direction [with George Lucas's treatments], so the mandate was to start from scratch and tell a story that was the continuum… And Kathleen Kennedy brought on Larry Kasdan and Michael Arndt, and it was those people I began working with.
* We didn’t write a treatment but there are countless times we came up with something and said “oh, this would be so great for Episode VIII!” or “That's what we could get to in IX!” It was just that kind of forward-moving story. But we knew this had to neither be a backwards moving nostalgic trip only nor a beginning of a movie without a satisfying conclusion, and that was part of the balancing act — embracing what we have inherited and using that where and whenever possible to tell a story that hasn’t been seen yet.
** J.J. Abrams [http://www.slashfilm.com/jj-abrams-interview-star-wars-the-force-awakens/]

* It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy. The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire. And the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side.
: Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire; the Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures.
:* [[Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/29/star-wars-stephen-colbert]

* &lt;!-- The wait is over. The movie event of the year is here. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, number seven in the series for those who wouldn't know a Jedi from a Jar Jar, emerges bloody with unrealistic expectations but gloriously unbowed.  --&gt; It's everything the kid in us goes to the movies for — marvelous adventure that leaves us surprised, scared and euphoric. … As any [[Star Wars]] fan knows, bloodlines are crucial to the plot. And there are times when everyone seems related to everyone else. (The [[George Lucas|Lucas]] template is drawn from sources as diverse as [[the Bible]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Sophocles#Oedipus_Rex|Oedipus Rex]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner|Road Runner cartoons]].) Bad things happen to those who issue spoilers about this franchise. But I will say this: The action, from lightsaber duels to X-wing dogfights with TIE Fighters, is explosive and buoyed by [[John Williams]]' exultant score. And the movie is also funny as hell. Abrams knows how to build a [[laugh]] and fill the emotional spaces between words. He's a fanboy who knows what fanboys want, but he also delivers the goods for the rest of us. Giving starring roles to a black man, a white woman and a Latino is the right idea that could have gone seriously wrong; instead, it's quietly history making.
** [[w:Peter Travers|Peter Travers]], in his [http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/star-wars-the-force-awakens-20151216 review in ''Rolling Stone'' (16 December 2015)]

== Cast ==
* [[Harrison Ford]] - Han Solo
* [[Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker
* [[Peter Mayhew]] - Chewbacca
* [[Carrie Fisher]] - General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] - Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] - Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] - FN-2187 / Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] - Poe Dameron
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] - Maz Kanata
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] - General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] - C-3PO
* [[w:Max von Sydow|Max von Sydow]] - Lor San Tekka
----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-force-awakens}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens ''Star Wars: The Force Awakens'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2488496|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_vii|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by J. J. Abrams]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Lawrence Kasdan]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
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[[File:Star Wars The Force Awakens.jpg|thumb|The crazy thing is — ''it's true''. [[The Force]], the Jedi. [[All]] of it. It's all true. ~  [[w:Han Solo|Han Solo]] ]]
'''''[[w: Star Wars: The Force Awakens|Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens''''') is a 2015 American epic space opera film directed, co-produced, and co-written by [[J. J. Abrams]]. It is the first film in the [[w:Star Wars sequel trilogy|Star Wars sequel trilogy]], announced after The Walt Disney Company's acquisition of Lucasfilm in October 2012.

==Opening crawl==
* Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|FIRST ORDER]] has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. &lt;br /&gt; With the support of the REPUBLIC, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....

==General Hux==
* ''[Addressing an assembly of [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|First Order]] troops]'' Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order, and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!

==Dialogue==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|The [[Jedi]] were real? ~ [[w:Rey (Star Wars)|Rey]]]]
:''[The First Order troops have captured Lor San Tekka and bring him to Kylo Ren]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Look how old you've become.
:'''Tekka''': Something far worse has happened to you.
:'''Ren''': You know what I've come for.
:'''Tekka''': I know where you come from. Before you called yourself &quot;Kylo Ren&quot;.
:'''Ren''': The map to Skywalker. We know you've found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order.
:'''Tekka''': The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not.
:'''Ren''': I'll show you the dark side.
:'''Tekka''': You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.
:'''Ren''': You're so right. ''[draws his lightsaber and kills Tekka]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey and Finn, under fire from TIE fighters, run towards a Quadjumper to escape Jakku]''
:'''Finn''': What about that ship? ''[points in another direction]''
:'''Rey''': That one's garbage! ''[sees the Quadjumper destroyed by the TIEs; stunned]'' The garbage will do. ''[they run towards the &quot;garbage&quot; ship, which appears to be the ''[[w:Millennium Falcon|Millennium Falcon]]'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Having just ensnared the ''Millennium Falcon'' aboard their own ship, the ''Eravana'', Han Solo and Chewbacca board it with their weapons ready.]''
:'''Han Solo''': Chewie, we're home. ''[nods to Chewbacca to check out the ship, then lifts off the grating and is shocked to see Rey and Finn with their hands raised in surrender]'' Where are the others? Where's the pilot?
:'''Rey''': I'm the pilot.
:'''Han''': You?! ''[Chewie grunts in disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': No, it's true; we're the only ones on board.
:'''Finn''': ''[regarding Chewbacca]'' You can understand that thing?
:'''Han''': And that &quot;thing&quot; can understand you, too, so watch it! Come on outta there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance, leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise.
:'''General Hux''': Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility—
:'''Snoke''': GENERAL! Our strategy must now change.
:'''Hux''': The weapon... it is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance... the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.
:'''Snoke''': Go. Oversee preparations.
:'''Hux''': Yes, Supreme Leader.
:'''Snoke''': There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?
:'''Ren''': Yes.
:'''Snoke''': There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the ''Millennium Falcon''... in the hands of your father, Han... Solo.
:'''Ren''': He means nothing to me.
:'''Snoke''': Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.
:'''Ren''': By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.
:'''Snoke''': We shall see. ''[as his hologram fades]'' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kylo Ren talking to Vader's helmet]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull to the light. Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again. The power of the darkness, and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me, Grandfather...and I will finish...what you started.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[BB-8 shows Han, Finn, and Rey the map to Luke Skywalker]''
:'''Han''': This map's not complete. It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him.
:'''Rey''': Why did he leave?
:'''Han''': He was training a new generation of Jedi. There was nobody else left to do it, so he took the burden on himself. Everything was going great, until... one boy, an apprentice, turned against him and destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just... walked away from everything.
:'''Finn''': Do you know what happened to him?
:'''Han''': There were a lot of rumors. Stories. People who knew him best, think he went looking for the first [[w:Jedi|Jedi]] temple.
:'''Rey''': ''[in awe]'' The Jedi were real?
:'''Han''': I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force, the Jedi. All of it. It's all true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Having experienced a strange vision after touching the Skywalker lightsaber, Rey stumbles backwards out of the room. She sees Maz Kanata walk towards her]''
:'''Rey''': What was that? ''[pause]'' I shouldn't have gone in there.
:'''Maz''': That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to ''you''.
:'''Rey''': I have to get back to Jakku.
:'''Maz''': Han told me. ''[She removes her goggles and takes Rey's hand]'' Dear child, I see your eyes; you already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. ''[Rey sheds a tear]'' But there's someone who still could. 
:'''Rey''': Luke. 
:'''Maz''': The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes... feel it. The light... it's always been there, it will guide you. The saber, take it.
:'''Rey''': I'm never touching that thing again. I don't want any part of this! ''[runs away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Where am I?	
:'''Ren''': You're my guest.
:'''Rey''': Where are the others?
:'''Ren''': You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call ''friends''? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea. ''[slight pause]'' You still want to kill me.
:'''Rey''': That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask, revealing his face. He moves forward, slams his mask down onto a table. He stands in front of Rey]'' Tell me about the droid.
:'''Rey''': He's a BB-unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—
:'''Ren''': Carrying a section of the navigation chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we need the last piece, and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. You...a scavenger. ''[slight pause]'' You know I can take whatever I want. ''[reaches his hand towards Rey's face. Rey looks away, struggling to keep Kylo Ren out of her head]'' You've been so lonely, so afraid to leave. At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo; you feel like he's like the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.
:'''Rey''': Get out of my head!
:'''Ren''': ''[moves back, keeping his hand close to Rey's face]'' I know you've seen the map. It's in there, and now, you'll give it to me. ''[continues to probe Rey's mind. Rey continues to resist]'' Don't be afraid; I feel it, too.
:'''Rey''': I'm not giving you anything!
:'''Ren''': We'll see. ''[struggles to read Rey's thoughts. After a few moments, he looks at Rey with disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': You... you're afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!
:''[Ren puts his hand down. Both he and Rey stare at each other, confused and afraid of what has happened]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Snoke''': The scavenger resisted you?!!
:'''Ren''': She is strong with the Force!! Untrained, but stronger than she knows!
:'''Snoke''': And the droid?
:'''Hux''': Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us… that the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.
:'''Snoke''': Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker.
:'''Hux''': We have their location. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.
:'''Snoke''': Good. Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.
:'''Ren''': Supreme Leader, I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.
:'''Snoke''': If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Poe''': The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report.
:'''Snap''': They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself.
:'''Brance''': A laser cannon?
:'''Snap''': We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.
:'''Major Ematt''': It's another Death Star.
:'''Poe''': I wish that were the case, Major. ''[Poe controls a holographic display showing the Death Star.]'' This ''was'' the Death Star... ''[presses a button that scales the Death Star against a colossally large Starkiller Base]'' ... and this is Starkiller Base.
:'''Han''': So it's big.
:'''Admiral Ackbar''': How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?
:'''Finn''': It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before Han takes Finn, Chewie, and the ''Falcon'' on the mission to Starkiller Base]''
:'''Leia''': You know, no matter how much we fought, I've always hated watching you leave.
:'''Han''': That's why I did it. So you'd miss me.
:'''Leia''': I did miss you. 
:'''Han''': It wasn't all bad, was it? Huh? Some of it was... good.
:'''Leia''': Pretty good.
:'''Han''': Some things never change.
:'''Leia''': True. You still drive me crazy. ''[they embrace once more]'' If you see our son, bring him home.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey encounters Finn, Han, and Chewie in Starkiller Base]''
:'''Rey''': Finn, what are you doing here?
:'''Finn''': We came back for you.
:'''Chewbacca''': ''[explanatory grunt]''
:'''Finn''': What did he say?
:'''Rey''': That it was your idea. ''[hugs Finn]'' Thank you.
:'''Finn''': How did you get away?
:'''Rey''': I can't explain it, and you wouldn't believe it.
:'''Han''': Escape now, hug later!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Han sees Kylo Ren cross a walkway over Starkiller Base's reactor shaft. He hesitates at first, but decides to confront him]''
:'''Han''': BEN!
:'''Ren''': Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
:'''Han''': ''[slowly walking towards Ren]'' Take off that mask. You don't need it.
:'''Ren''': What do you think you'll see if I do?
:'''Han''': The face of my son.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask]'' Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.
:'''Han''': That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive.
:'''Ren''': No. The Supreme Leader is wise.
:'''Han''': Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true.
:'''Ren''': It's too late.
:'''Han''': No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.
:'''Ren''': ''[Gradually pained]'' I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?
:'''Han''': Yes. Anything.
:''[Ren drops his mask, and offers his lightsaber to Han. As Han grabs it, the last rays of sunlight are absorbed into the Starkiller weapon, and Ren hesitates. After a brief moment, however, Ren ignites his saber through Han's chest, and Chewbacca roars in despair]''
:'''Rey''': NO!
:'''Ren''': ''[To a distraught Han]'' Thank you.
:''[Han touches his son's face, then succumbs to his wound, his body tumbling off the walkway down the reactor shaft]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hux''': Supreme Leader! The fuel cells have ruptured! The collapse of the planet has begun!
:'''Snoke''': Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren. It is time to complete his training.

== Quotes about ''The Force Awakens'' ==
* I came on board and Disney had already decided they didn’t want to go that direction [with George Lucas's treatments], so the mandate was to start from scratch and tell a story that was the continuum… And Kathleen Kennedy brought on Larry Kasdan and Michael Arndt, and it was those people I began working with.
* We didn’t write a treatment but there are countless times we came up with something and said “oh, this would be so great for Episode VIII!” or “That's what we could get to in IX!” It was just that kind of forward-moving story. But we knew this had to neither be a backwards moving nostalgic trip only nor a beginning of a movie without a satisfying conclusion, and that was part of the balancing act — embracing what we have inherited and using that where and whenever possible to tell a story that hasn’t been seen yet.
** J.J. Abrams [http://www.slashfilm.com/jj-abrams-interview-star-wars-the-force-awakens/]

* It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy. The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire. And the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side.
: Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire; the Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures.
:* [[Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/29/star-wars-stephen-colbert]

* &lt;!-- The wait is over. The movie event of the year is here. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, number seven in the series for those who wouldn't know a Jedi from a Jar Jar, emerges bloody with unrealistic expectations but gloriously unbowed.  --&gt; It's everything the kid in us goes to the movies for — marvelous adventure that leaves us surprised, scared and euphoric. … As any [[Star Wars]] fan knows, bloodlines are crucial to the plot. And there are times when everyone seems related to everyone else. (The [[George Lucas|Lucas]] template is drawn from sources as diverse as [[the Bible]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Sophocles#Oedipus_Rex|Oedipus Rex]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner|Road Runner cartoons]].) Bad things happen to those who issue spoilers about this franchise. But I will say this: The action, from lightsaber duels to X-wing dogfights with TIE Fighters, is explosive and buoyed by [[John Williams]]' exultant score. And the movie is also funny as hell. Abrams knows how to build a [[laugh]] and fill the emotional spaces between words. He's a fanboy who knows what fanboys want, but he also delivers the goods for the rest of us. Giving starring roles to a black man, a white woman and a Latino is the right idea that could have gone seriously wrong; instead, it's quietly history making.
** [[w:Peter Travers|Peter Travers]], in his [http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/star-wars-the-force-awakens-20151216 review in ''Rolling Stone'' (16 December 2015)]

== Cast ==
* [[Harrison Ford]] - Han Solo
* [[Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker
* [[Peter Mayhew]] - Chewbacca
* [[Carrie Fisher]] - General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] - Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] - Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] - FN-2187 / Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] - Poe Dameron
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] - Maz Kanata
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] - General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] - C-3PO
* [[w:Max von Sydow|Max von Sydow]] - Lor San Tekka
----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-force-awakens}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens ''Star Wars: The Force Awakens'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2488496|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_vii|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by J. J. Abrams]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Lawrence Kasdan]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Films directed by J.J. Abrams]]</text>
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[[File:Star Wars The Force Awakens.jpg|thumb|The crazy thing is — ''it's true''. [[The Force]], the Jedi. [[All]] of it. It's all true. ~  [[w:Han Solo|Han Solo]] ]]
'''''[[w: Star Wars: The Force Awakens|Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens''''') is a 2015 American epic space opera film directed, co-produced, and co-written by [[J. J. Abrams]]. It is the first film in the [[w:Star Wars sequel trilogy|Star Wars sequel trilogy]], announced after The Walt Disney Company's acquisition of Lucasfilm in October 2012.

==Opening crawl==
* Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|FIRST ORDER]] has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. &lt;br /&gt; With the support of the REPUBLIC, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....

==General Hux==
* ''[Addressing an assembly of [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|First Order]] troops]'' Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order, and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!

==Dialogue==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|The [[Jedi]] were real? ~ [[w:Rey (Star Wars)|Rey]]]]
:''[The First Order troops have captured Lor San Tekka and bring him to Kylo Ren]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Look how old you've become.
:'''Tekka''': Something far worse has happened to you.
:'''Ren''': You know what I've come for.
:'''Tekka''': I know where you come from. Before you called yourself &quot;Kylo Ren&quot;.
:'''Ren''': The map to Skywalker. We know you've found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order.
:'''Tekka''': The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not.
:'''Ren''': I'll show you the dark side.
:'''Tekka''': You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.
:'''Ren''': You're so right. ''[draws his lightsaber and kills Tekka]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey and Finn, under fire from TIE fighters, run towards a Quadjumper to escape Jakku]''
:'''Finn''': What about that ship? ''[points in another direction]''
:'''Rey''': That one's garbage! ''[sees the Quadjumper destroyed by the TIEs; stunned]'' The garbage will do. ''[they run towards the &quot;garbage&quot; ship, which appears to be the ''[[w:Millennium Falcon|Millennium Falcon]]'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Having just ensnared the ''Millennium Falcon'' aboard their own ship, the ''Eravana'', Han Solo and Chewbacca board it with their weapons ready.]''
:'''Han Solo''': Chewie, we're home. ''[nods to Chewbacca to check out the ship, then lifts off the grating and is shocked to see Rey and Finn with their hands raised in surrender]'' Where are the others? Where's the pilot?
:'''Rey''': I'm the pilot.
:'''Han''': You?! ''[Chewie grunts in disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': No, it's true; we're the only ones on board.
:'''Finn''': ''[regarding Chewbacca]'' You can understand that thing?
:'''Han''': And that &quot;thing&quot; can understand you, too, so watch it! Come on outta there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance, leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise.
:'''General Hux''': Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility—
:'''Snoke''': GENERAL! Our strategy must now change.
:'''Hux''': The weapon... it is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance... the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.
:'''Snoke''': Go. Oversee preparations.
:'''Hux''': Yes, Supreme Leader.
:'''Snoke''': There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?
:'''Ren''': Yes.
:'''Snoke''': There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the ''Millennium Falcon''... in the hands of your father, Han... Solo.
:'''Ren''': He means nothing to me.
:'''Snoke''': Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.
:'''Ren''': By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.
:'''Snoke''': We shall see. ''[as his hologram fades]'' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[BB-8 shows Han, Finn, and Rey the map to Luke Skywalker]''
:'''Han''': This map's not complete. It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him.
:'''Rey''': Why did he leave?
:'''Han''': He was training a new generation of Jedi. There was nobody else left to do it, so he took the burden on himself. Everything was going great, until... one boy, an apprentice, turned against him and destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just... walked away from everything.
:'''Finn''': Do you know what happened to him?
:'''Han''': There were a lot of rumors. Stories. People who knew him best, think he went looking for the first [[w:Jedi|Jedi]] temple.
:'''Rey''': ''[in awe]'' The Jedi were real?
:'''Han''': I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force, the Jedi. All of it. It's all true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Having experienced a strange vision after touching the Skywalker lightsaber, Rey stumbles backwards out of the room. She sees Maz Kanata walk towards her]''
:'''Rey''': What was that? ''[pause]'' I shouldn't have gone in there.
:'''Maz''': That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to ''you''.
:'''Rey''': I have to get back to Jakku.
:'''Maz''': Han told me. ''[She removes her goggles and takes Rey's hand]'' Dear child, I see your eyes; you already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. ''[Rey sheds a tear]'' But there's someone who still could. 
:'''Rey''': Luke. 
:'''Maz''': The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes... feel it. The light... it's always been there, it will guide you. The saber, take it.
:'''Rey''': I'm never touching that thing again. I don't want any part of this! ''[runs away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Where am I?	
:'''Ren''': You're my guest.
:'''Rey''': Where are the others?
:'''Ren''': You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call ''friends''? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea. ''[slight pause]'' You still want to kill me.
:'''Rey''': That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask, revealing his face. He moves forward, slams his mask down onto a table. He stands in front of Rey]'' Tell me about the droid.
:'''Rey''': He's a BB-unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—
:'''Ren''': Carrying a section of the navigation chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we need the last piece, and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. You...a scavenger. ''[slight pause]'' You know I can take whatever I want. ''[reaches his hand towards Rey's face. Rey looks away, struggling to keep Kylo Ren out of her head]'' You've been so lonely, so afraid to leave. At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo; you feel like he's like the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.
:'''Rey''': Get out of my head!
:'''Ren''': ''[moves back, keeping his hand close to Rey's face]'' I know you've seen the map. It's in there, and now, you'll give it to me. ''[continues to probe Rey's mind. Rey continues to resist]'' Don't be afraid; I feel it, too.
:'''Rey''': I'm not giving you anything!
:'''Ren''': We'll see. ''[struggles to read Rey's thoughts. After a few moments, he looks at Rey with disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': You... you're afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!
:''[Ren puts his hand down. Both he and Rey stare at each other, confused and afraid of what has happened]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Poe''': The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report.
:'''Snap''': They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself.
:'''Brance''': A laser cannon?
:'''Snap''': We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.
:'''Major Ematt''': It's another Death Star.
:'''Poe''': I wish that were the case, Major. ''[Poe controls a holographic display showing the Death Star.]'' This ''was'' the Death Star... ''[presses a button that scales the Death Star against a colossally large Starkiller Base]'' ... and this is Starkiller Base.
:'''Han''': So it's big.
:'''Admiral Ackbar''': How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?
:'''Finn''': It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before Han takes Finn, Chewie, and the ''Falcon'' on the mission to Starkiller Base]''
:'''Leia''': You know, no matter how much we fought, I've always hated watching you leave.
:'''Han''': That's why I did it. So you'd miss me.
:'''Leia''': I did miss you. 
:'''Han''': It wasn't all bad, was it? Huh? Some of it was... good.
:'''Leia''': Pretty good.
:'''Han''': Some things never change.
:'''Leia''': True. You still drive me crazy. ''[they embrace once more]'' If you see our son, bring him home.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey encounters Finn, Han, and Chewie in Starkiller Base]''
:'''Rey''': Finn, what are you doing here?
:'''Finn''': We came back for you.
:'''Chewbacca''': ''[explanatory grunt]''
:'''Finn''': What did he say?
:'''Rey''': That it was your idea. ''[hugs Finn]'' Thank you.
:'''Finn''': How did you get away?
:'''Rey''': I can't explain it, and you wouldn't believe it.
:'''Han''': Escape now, hug later!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Han sees Kylo Ren cross a walkway over Starkiller Base's reactor shaft. He hesitates at first, but decides to confront him]''
:'''Han''': BEN!
:'''Ren''': Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
:'''Han''': ''[slowly walking towards Ren]'' Take off that mask. You don't need it.
:'''Ren''': What do you think you'll see if I do?
:'''Han''': The face of my son.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask]'' Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.
:'''Han''': That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive.
:'''Ren''': No. The Supreme Leader is wise.
:'''Han''': Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true.
:'''Ren''': It's too late.
:'''Han''': No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.
:'''Ren''': ''[Gradually pained]'' I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?
:'''Han''': Yes. Anything.
:''[Ren drops his mask, and offers his lightsaber to Han. As Han grabs it, the last rays of sunlight are absorbed into the Starkiller weapon, and Ren hesitates. After a brief moment, however, Ren ignites his saber through Han's chest, and Chewbacca roars in despair]''
:'''Rey''': NO!
:'''Ren''': ''[To a distraught Han]'' Thank you.
:''[Han touches his son's face, then succumbs to his wound, his body tumbling off the walkway down the reactor shaft]''

== Quotes about ''The Force Awakens'' ==
* I came on board and Disney had already decided they didn’t want to go that direction [with George Lucas's treatments], so the mandate was to start from scratch and tell a story that was the continuum… And Kathleen Kennedy brought on Larry Kasdan and Michael Arndt, and it was those people I began working with.
* We didn’t write a treatment but there are countless times we came up with something and said “oh, this would be so great for Episode VIII!” or “That's what we could get to in IX!” It was just that kind of forward-moving story. But we knew this had to neither be a backwards moving nostalgic trip only nor a beginning of a movie without a satisfying conclusion, and that was part of the balancing act — embracing what we have inherited and using that where and whenever possible to tell a story that hasn’t been seen yet.
** J.J. Abrams [http://www.slashfilm.com/jj-abrams-interview-star-wars-the-force-awakens/]

* It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy. The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire. And the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side.
: Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire; the Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures.
:* [[Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/29/star-wars-stephen-colbert]

* &lt;!-- The wait is over. The movie event of the year is here. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, number seven in the series for those who wouldn't know a Jedi from a Jar Jar, emerges bloody with unrealistic expectations but gloriously unbowed.  --&gt; It's everything the kid in us goes to the movies for — marvelous adventure that leaves us surprised, scared and euphoric. … As any [[Star Wars]] fan knows, bloodlines are crucial to the plot. And there are times when everyone seems related to everyone else. (The [[George Lucas|Lucas]] template is drawn from sources as diverse as [[the Bible]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Sophocles#Oedipus_Rex|Oedipus Rex]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner|Road Runner cartoons]].) Bad things happen to those who issue spoilers about this franchise. But I will say this: The action, from lightsaber duels to X-wing dogfights with TIE Fighters, is explosive and buoyed by [[John Williams]]' exultant score. And the movie is also funny as hell. Abrams knows how to build a [[laugh]] and fill the emotional spaces between words. He's a fanboy who knows what fanboys want, but he also delivers the goods for the rest of us. Giving starring roles to a black man, a white woman and a Latino is the right idea that could have gone seriously wrong; instead, it's quietly history making.
** [[w:Peter Travers|Peter Travers]], in his [http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/star-wars-the-force-awakens-20151216 review in ''Rolling Stone'' (16 December 2015)]

== Cast ==
* [[Harrison Ford]] - Han Solo
* [[Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker
* [[Peter Mayhew]] - Chewbacca
* [[Carrie Fisher]] - General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] - Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] - Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] - FN-2187 / Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] - Poe Dameron
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] - Maz Kanata
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] - General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] - C-3PO
* [[w:Max von Sydow|Max von Sydow]] - Lor San Tekka
----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-force-awakens}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens ''Star Wars: The Force Awakens'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2488496|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_vii|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by J. J. Abrams]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Lawrence Kasdan]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Films directed by J.J. Abrams]]</text>
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[[File:Star Wars The Force Awakens.jpg|thumb|The crazy thing is — ''it's true''. [[The Force]], the Jedi. [[All]] of it. It's all true. ~  [[w:Han Solo|Han Solo]] ]]
'''''[[w: Star Wars: The Force Awakens|Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens''''') is a 2015 American epic space opera film directed, co-produced, and co-written by [[J. J. Abrams]]. It is the first film in the [[w:Star Wars sequel trilogy|Star Wars sequel trilogy]], announced after The Walt Disney Company's acquisition of Lucasfilm in October 2012.

==Opening crawl==
* Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|FIRST ORDER]] has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. &lt;br /&gt; With the support of the REPUBLIC, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....

==General Hux==
* ''[Addressing an assembly of [[w:First Order (Star Wars)|First Order]] troops]'' Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order, and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!

==Dialogue==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|The [[Jedi]] were real? ~ [[w:Rey (Star Wars)|Rey]]]]
:''[The First Order troops have captured Lor San Tekka and bring him to Kylo Ren]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Look how old you've become.
:'''Tekka''': Something far worse has happened to you.
:'''Ren''': You know what I've come for.
:'''Tekka''': I know where you come from. Before you called yourself &quot;Kylo Ren&quot;.
:'''Ren''': The map to Skywalker. We know you've found it. And now you're going to give it to the First Order.
:'''Tekka''': The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not.
:'''Ren''': I'll show you the dark side.
:'''Tekka''': You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.
:'''Ren''': You're so right. ''[draws his lightsaber and kills Tekka]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey and Finn, under fire from TIE fighters, run towards a Quadjumper to escape Jakku]''
:'''Finn''': What about that ship? ''[points in another direction]''
:'''Rey''': That one's garbage! ''[sees the Quadjumper destroyed by the TIEs; stunned]'' The garbage will do. ''[they run towards the &quot;garbage&quot; ship, which appears to be the ''[[w:Millennium Falcon|Millennium Falcon]]'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Having just ensnared the ''Millennium Falcon'' aboard their own ship, the ''Eravana'', Han Solo and Chewbacca board it with their weapons ready.]''
:'''Han Solo''': Chewie, we're home. ''[nods to Chewbacca to check out the ship, then lifts off the grating and is shocked to see Rey and Finn with their hands raised in surrender]'' Where are the others? Where's the pilot?
:'''Rey''': I'm the pilot.
:'''Han''': You?! ''[Chewie grunts in disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': No, it's true; we're the only ones on board.
:'''Finn''': ''[regarding Chewbacca]'' You can understand that thing?
:'''Han''': And that &quot;thing&quot; can understand you, too, so watch it! Come on outta there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance, leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise.
:'''General Hux''': Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility—
:'''Snoke''': GENERAL! Our strategy must now change.
:'''Hux''': The weapon... it is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance... the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.
:'''Snoke''': Go. Oversee preparations.
:'''Hux''': Yes, Supreme Leader.
:'''Snoke''': There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?
:'''Ren''': Yes.
:'''Snoke''': There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the ''Millennium Falcon''... in the hands of your father, Han... Solo.
:'''Ren''': He means nothing to me.
:'''Snoke''': Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.
:'''Ren''': By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.
:'''Snoke''': We shall see. ''[as his hologram fades]'' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kylo Ren talking to Vader's helmet]''
:'''Kylo Ren''': Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull to the light. Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again. The power of the darkness, and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me, Grandfather...and I will finish...what you started.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[BB-8 shows Han, Finn, and Rey the map to Luke Skywalker]''
:'''Han''': This map's not complete. It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him.
:'''Rey''': Why did he leave?
:'''Han''': He was training a new generation of Jedi. There was nobody else left to do it, so he took the burden on himself. Everything was going great, until... one boy, an apprentice, turned against him and destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just... walked away from everything.
:'''Finn''': Do you know what happened to him?
:'''Han''': There were a lot of rumors. Stories. People who knew him best, think he went looking for the first [[w:Jedi|Jedi]] temple.
:'''Rey''': ''[in awe]'' The Jedi were real?
:'''Han''': I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force, the Jedi. All of it. It's all true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Having experienced a strange vision after touching the Skywalker lightsaber, Rey stumbles backwards out of the room. She sees Maz Kanata walk towards her]''
:'''Rey''': What was that? ''[pause]'' I shouldn't have gone in there.
:'''Maz''': That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to ''you''.
:'''Rey''': I have to get back to Jakku.
:'''Maz''': Han told me. ''[She removes her goggles and takes Rey's hand]'' Dear child, I see your eyes; you already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. ''[Rey sheds a tear]'' But there's someone who still could. 
:'''Rey''': Luke. 
:'''Maz''': The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes... feel it. The light... it's always been there, it will guide you. The saber, take it.
:'''Rey''': I'm never touching that thing again. I don't want any part of this! ''[runs away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Where am I?	
:'''Ren''': You're my guest.
:'''Rey''': Where are the others?
:'''Ren''': You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call ''friends''? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea. ''[slight pause]'' You still want to kill me.
:'''Rey''': That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask, revealing his face. He moves forward, slams his mask down onto a table. He stands in front of Rey]'' Tell me about the droid.
:'''Rey''': He's a BB-unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—
:'''Ren''': Carrying a section of the navigation chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we need the last piece, and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. You...a scavenger. ''[slight pause]'' You know I can take whatever I want. ''[reaches his hand towards Rey's face. Rey looks away, struggling to keep Kylo Ren out of her head]'' You've been so lonely, so afraid to leave. At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo; you feel like he's like the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.
:'''Rey''': Get out of my head!
:'''Ren''': ''[moves back, keeping his hand close to Rey's face]'' I know you've seen the map. It's in there, and now, you'll give it to me. ''[continues to probe Rey's mind. Rey continues to resist]'' Don't be afraid; I feel it, too.
:'''Rey''': I'm not giving you anything!
:'''Ren''': We'll see. ''[struggles to read Rey's thoughts. After a few moments, he looks at Rey with disbelief]''
:'''Rey''': You... you're afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!
:''[Ren puts his hand down. Both he and Rey stare at each other, confused and afraid of what has happened]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Snoke''': The scavenger resisted you?!!
:'''Ren''': She is strong with the Force!! Untrained, but stronger than she knows!
:'''Snoke''': And the droid?
:'''Hux''': Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us… that the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.
:'''Snoke''': Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker.
:'''Hux''': We have their location. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.
:'''Snoke''': Good. Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.
:'''Ren''': Supreme Leader, I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.
:'''Snoke''': If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Poe''': The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance flight confirms Finn's report.
:'''Snap''': They've somehow created a hyper lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself.
:'''Brance''': A laser cannon?
:'''Snap''': We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale.
:'''Major Ematt''': It's another Death Star.
:'''Poe''': I wish that were the case, Major. ''[Poe controls a holographic display showing the Death Star.]'' This ''was'' the Death Star... ''[presses a button that scales the Death Star against a colossally large Starkiller Base]'' ... and this is Starkiller Base.
:'''Han''': So it's big.
:'''Admiral Ackbar''': How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?
:'''Finn''': It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[before Han takes Finn, Chewie, and the ''Falcon'' on the mission to Starkiller Base]''
:'''Leia''': You know, no matter how much we fought, I've always hated watching you leave.
:'''Han''': That's why I did it. So you'd miss me.
:'''Leia''': I did miss you. 
:'''Han''': It wasn't all bad, was it? Huh? Some of it was... good.
:'''Leia''': Pretty good.
:'''Han''': Some things never change.
:'''Leia''': True. You still drive me crazy. ''[they embrace once more]'' If you see our son, bring him home.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Rey encounters Finn, Han, and Chewie in Starkiller Base]''
:'''Rey''': Finn, what are you doing here?
:'''Finn''': We came back for you.
:'''Chewbacca''': ''[explanatory grunt]''
:'''Finn''': What did he say?
:'''Rey''': That it was your idea. ''[hugs Finn]'' Thank you.
:'''Finn''': How did you get away?
:'''Rey''': I can't explain it, and you wouldn't believe it.
:'''Han''': Escape now, hug later!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Han sees Kylo Ren cross a walkway over Starkiller Base's reactor shaft. He hesitates at first, but decides to confront him]''
:'''Han''': BEN!
:'''Ren''': Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
:'''Han''': ''[slowly walking towards Ren]'' Take off that mask. You don't need it.
:'''Ren''': What do you think you'll see if I do?
:'''Han''': The face of my son.
:'''Ren''': ''[removes his mask]'' Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.
:'''Han''': That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive.
:'''Ren''': No. The Supreme Leader is wise.
:'''Han''': Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true.
:'''Ren''': It's too late.
:'''Han''': No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.
:'''Ren''': ''[Gradually pained]'' I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?
:'''Han''': Yes. Anything.
:''[Ren drops his mask, and offers his lightsaber to Han. As Han grabs it, the last rays of sunlight are absorbed into the Starkiller weapon, and Ren hesitates. After a brief moment, however, Ren ignites his saber through Han's chest, and Chewbacca roars in despair]''
:'''Rey''': NO!
:'''Ren''': ''[To a distraught Han]'' Thank you.
:''[Han touches his son's face, then succumbs to his wound, his body tumbling off the walkway down the reactor shaft]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hux''': Supreme Leader! The fuel cells have ruptured! The collapse of the planet has begun!
:'''Snoke''': Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren. It is time to complete his training.

== Quotes about ''The Force Awakens'' ==
* I came on board and Disney had already decided they didn’t want to go that direction [with George Lucas's treatments], so the mandate was to start from scratch and tell a story that was the continuum… And Kathleen Kennedy brought on Larry Kasdan and Michael Arndt, and it was those people I began working with.
* We didn’t write a treatment but there are countless times we came up with something and said “oh, this would be so great for Episode VIII!” or “That's what we could get to in IX!” It was just that kind of forward-moving story. But we knew this had to neither be a backwards moving nostalgic trip only nor a beginning of a movie without a satisfying conclusion, and that was part of the balancing act — embracing what we have inherited and using that where and whenever possible to tell a story that hasn’t been seen yet.
** J.J. Abrams [http://www.slashfilm.com/jj-abrams-interview-star-wars-the-force-awakens/]

* It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy. The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire. And the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side.
: Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire; the Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures.
:* [[Stephen Colbert]] [http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/29/star-wars-stephen-colbert]

* &lt;!-- The wait is over. The movie event of the year is here. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, number seven in the series for those who wouldn't know a Jedi from a Jar Jar, emerges bloody with unrealistic expectations but gloriously unbowed.  --&gt; It's everything the kid in us goes to the movies for — marvelous adventure that leaves us surprised, scared and euphoric. … As any [[Star Wars]] fan knows, bloodlines are crucial to the plot. And there are times when everyone seems related to everyone else. (The [[George Lucas|Lucas]] template is drawn from sources as diverse as [[the Bible]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Sophocles#Oedipus_Rex|Oedipus Rex]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner|Road Runner cartoons]].) Bad things happen to those who issue spoilers about this franchise. But I will say this: The action, from lightsaber duels to X-wing dogfights with TIE Fighters, is explosive and buoyed by [[John Williams]]' exultant score. And the movie is also funny as hell. Abrams knows how to build a [[laugh]] and fill the emotional spaces between words. He's a fanboy who knows what fanboys want, but he also delivers the goods for the rest of us. Giving starring roles to a black man, a white woman and a Latino is the right idea that could have gone seriously wrong; instead, it's quietly history making.
** [[w:Peter Travers|Peter Travers]], in his [http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/star-wars-the-force-awakens-20151216 review in ''Rolling Stone'' (16 December 2015)]

== Cast ==
* [[Harrison Ford]] - Han Solo
* [[Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker
* [[Peter Mayhew]] - Chewbacca
* [[Carrie Fisher]] - General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] - Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] - Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] - FN-2187 / Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] - Poe Dameron
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] - Maz Kanata
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] - Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] - General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] - C-3PO
* [[w:Max von Sydow|Max von Sydow]] - Lor San Tekka
----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-force-awakens}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens ''Star Wars: The Force Awakens'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2488496|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_vii|Star Wars: The Force Awakens}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by J. J. Abrams]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Lawrence Kasdan]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael Arndt]]
[[Category:Films directed by J.J. Abrams]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Cat and the Canary (1939 film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <id>3146076</id>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:37:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="2999" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Cat and the Canary (1939 film)|The Cat and the Canary]]''''' is a [[w:1939 in film|1939 film]] about an eccentric family who meets in their uncle's remote, decaying mansion on the tenth anniversary of his death for the reading of his will, murder and madness follow. The film is a remake of the 1927 film ''[[The Cat and the Canary (1927 film)|The Cat and the Canary]]'', which was based on the 1922 [[w:The Cat and the Canary (play)|play of the same name]] by [[w:John Willard (playwright)|John Willard]].
:''Directed by [[w:Elliott Nugent|Elliott Nugent]]. Written by [[w:Lynn Starling|Lynn Starling]] and Walter de Leon.''
{{center|'''A CHILL-AND-CHUCKLE CHASE!...A FORTUNE AT STAKE AND A MONSTER AT LARGE! '''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Wally Campbell ==
* ''[on the deceased]'' He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Cicily''': It's awful spooky down here. Do you believe in reincarnation?
:'''Wally Campbell''': Huh?
:'''Cicily''': You know... that dead people come back?
:'''Wally Campbell''': You mean like the Republicans?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cicily''': Don't big empty houses scare you?
:'''Wally Campbell''': Not me, I used to be in [[w:Vaudeville|Vaudeville]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miss Lu''': There are spirits all around you.
:'''Wally Campbell''': Well, could you put some in a glass with a little ice? I need it badly.

== Taglines ==
* A CHILL-AND-CHUCKLE CHASE!...A FORTUNE AT STAKE AND A MONSTER AT LARGE!
* Who is THE CAT? His movements soundless, his approach unnoticeable, his vengeance swift! Who will feel his horrible, hairy grasp next?
* Through it all...Bob Hope at his wise-cracking best, laughing his way through hilarious heroics...hoping a gag's as good as a gun to get ghosts on the go!
* Stalked by a wild, crawling thing...balked by a blind passage! Groping, desperately hoping for a way out!

== Cast ==
* [[Bob Hope]] - Wally Campbell
* [[w:Paulette Goddard|Paulette Goddard]] - Joyce Norman
* [[w:John Beal (actor)|John Beal]] - Fred Blythe
* [[w:Douglass Montgomery|Douglass Montgomery]] - Charles Wilder
* [[w:Gale Sondergaard|Gale Sondergaard]] - Miss Lu
* [[w:Elizabeth Patterson (actress)|Elizabeth Patterson]] - Aunt Susan
* [[w:George Zucco|George Zucco]] - Mr. Crosby
* [[w:Nydia Westman|Nydia Westman]] - Cicily
* [[w:John Wray (actor)|John Wray]] - Guard Hendricks
* [[w:George Regas|George Regas]] - Indian guide
* [[w:Milton Kibbee|Milton Kibbee]] - Photographer
* [[w:Charles Lane (actor)|Charles Lane]] - Reporter
* [[w:Chief Thundercloud|Chief Thundercloud]] - Indian guide

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0031143|title=The Cat and the Canary}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Cat and the Canary, The}}
[[Category:1939 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Films based on plays]]
[[Category:Haunted house films]]
[[Category:Remake films]]
[[Category:Films set in Louisiana]]


{{film-stub}}</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)</title>
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      <id>3146060</id>
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      <text bytes="2448" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955 film]] about an ex-Nazi scientist who uses radio-controlled atomic-powered zombies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Frank Buchanan==
* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.
-----------------------------------------------------
DR.STEIGG:

&quot;This animal looks content,doesn't it?You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!&quot;

==Dialogue==
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessey and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!
== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
*Gregory Gaye---Dr.Steigg

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146061</id>
      <parentid>3146060</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:09:33Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2439" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955 film]] about an ex-Nazi scientist who uses radio-controlled atomic-powered zombies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Frank Buchanan==
* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.

== Dr. Wilhelm Steigg ==
* This animal looks content, doesn't it? You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!

==Dialogue==
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessey and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!
== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
* [[w:Gregory Gaye|Gregory Gaye]] - Dr. Wilhelm Steigg

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146063</id>
      <parentid>3146061</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:11:33Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <comment>/* Cast */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="2814" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955 film]] about an ex-Nazi scientist who uses radio-controlled atomic-powered zombies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Frank Buchanan==
* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.

== Dr. Wilhelm Steigg ==
* This animal looks content, doesn't it? You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!

==Dialogue==
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessey and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!
== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger (actor)|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
* [[w:Gregory Gaye|Gregory Gaye]] — Dr. Wilhelm Steigg
* [[w:S. John Launer|S. John Launer]] — Capt. Dave Harris 
* Linda Bennett — Penny Walker 
* [[w:Tris Coffin|Tristram Coffin]] — District Atty. McGraw
* [[w:Harry Lauter|Harry Lauter]] — Reporter #1
* [[w:Larry J. Blake|Larry J. Blake]] — Reporter #2 (as Larry Blake)
* Charles Evans — Chief Camden 
* [[w:Pierre Watkin|Pierre Watkin]] — Mayor Bremer

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]</text>
      <sha1>lvty580ztbd7am7y11tj3tkbxubckay</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146065</id>
      <parentid>3146063</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:15:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3518" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955 film]] about an ex-Nazi scientist who uses radio-controlled atomic-powered zombies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Dr. Chet Walker ==
* It would answer the riddle, wouldn't it? Remote-controlled creatures, their brains powered by atomic energy, roaming the streets, directed from a central point.

== Frank Buchanan ==
* Steigg, you may be a crackpot, but you're also a genius.

* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.

== Dr. Wilhelm Steigg ==
* This animal looks content, doesn't it? You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!

==Dialogue==
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': This so-called blood is radioactive!
:'''Capt. Dave Harris''': Dangerously so?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Plus 9!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessy and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': My theory was to use these creatures to help people live, by doing everything that was difficult and dangerous. You just want to see people die.
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Not just people, Steigg. Particular people. And I'll get 'em. Every single one of them.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger (actor)|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
* [[w:Gregory Gaye|Gregory Gaye]] — Dr. Wilhelm Steigg
* [[w:S. John Launer|S. John Launer]] — Capt. Dave Harris 
* Linda Bennett — Penny Walker 
* [[w:Tris Coffin|Tristram Coffin]] — District Atty. McGraw
* [[w:Harry Lauter|Harry Lauter]] — Reporter #1
* [[w:Larry J. Blake|Larry J. Blake]] — Reporter #2 (as Larry Blake)
* Charles Evans — Chief Camden 
* [[w:Pierre Watkin|Pierre Watkin]] — Mayor Bremer

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]</text>
      <sha1>futeh5pi9tfpt45w8412fwczxtpu67r</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146066</id>
      <parentid>3146065</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:17:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3646" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955 film]] about American gangster Frank Buchanan who forces former Nazi scientist Wilhelm Steigg to create zombies by resurrecting corpses through atomic radiation in order to help him exact revenge on his enemies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Dr. Chet Walker ==
* It would answer the riddle, wouldn't it? Remote-controlled creatures, their brains powered by atomic energy, roaming the streets, directed from a central point.

== Frank Buchanan ==
* Steigg, you may be a crackpot, but you're also a genius.

* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.

== Dr. Wilhelm Steigg ==
* This animal looks content, doesn't it? You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!

==Dialogue==
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': This so-called blood is radioactive!
:'''Capt. Dave Harris''': Dangerously so?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Plus 9!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessy and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': My theory was to use these creatures to help people live, by doing everything that was difficult and dangerous. You just want to see people die.
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Not just people, Steigg. Particular people. And I'll get 'em. Every single one of them.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger (actor)|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
* [[w:Gregory Gaye|Gregory Gaye]] — Dr. Wilhelm Steigg
* [[w:S. John Launer|S. John Launer]] — Capt. Dave Harris 
* Linda Bennett — Penny Walker 
* [[w:Tris Coffin|Tristram Coffin]] — District Atty. McGraw
* [[w:Harry Lauter|Harry Lauter]] — Reporter #1
* [[w:Larry J. Blake|Larry J. Blake]] — Reporter #2 (as Larry Blake)
* Charles Evans — Chief Camden 
* [[w:Pierre Watkin|Pierre Watkin]] — Mayor Bremer

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]</text>
      <sha1>kmvhrrz8gmn7mop0pxczpjomsi90bqn</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146069</id>
      <parentid>3146066</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:26:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3725" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955]] [[zombie]] [[w:horror film|horror]] [[w:science fiction film|science fiction film]] about American gangster Frank Buchanan who forces former Nazi scientist Wilhelm Steigg to create zombies by resurrecting corpses through atomic radiation in order to help him exact revenge on his enemies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Dr. Chet Walker ==
* It would answer the riddle, wouldn't it? Remote-controlled creatures, their brains powered by atomic energy, roaming the streets, directed from a central point.

== Frank Buchanan ==
* Steigg, you may be a crackpot, but you're also a genius.

* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.

== Dr. Wilhelm Steigg ==
* This animal looks content, doesn't it? You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!

==Dialogue==
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': This so-called blood is radioactive!
:'''Capt. Dave Harris''': Dangerously so?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Plus 9!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessy and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': My theory was to use these creatures to help people live, by doing everything that was difficult and dangerous. You just want to see people die.
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Not just people, Steigg. Particular people. And I'll get 'em. Every single one of them.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger (actor)|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
* [[w:Gregory Gaye|Gregory Gaye]] — Dr. Wilhelm Steigg
* [[w:S. John Launer|S. John Launer]] — Capt. Dave Harris 
* Linda Bennett — Penny Walker 
* [[w:Tris Coffin|Tristram Coffin]] — District Atty. McGraw
* [[w:Harry Lauter|Harry Lauter]] — Reporter #1
* [[w:Larry J. Blake|Larry J. Blake]] — Reporter #2 (as Larry Blake)
* Charles Evans — Chief Camden 
* [[w:Pierre Watkin|Pierre Watkin]] — Mayor Bremer

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]</text>
      <sha1>67jk1iaqbczfcvdkcnch1m8km2a3sh4</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146070</id>
      <parentid>3146069</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:27:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>added [[Category:Nazis in film]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3752" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955]] [[zombie]] [[w:horror film|horror]] [[w:science fiction film|science fiction film]] about American gangster Frank Buchanan who forces former Nazi scientist Wilhelm Steigg to create zombies by resurrecting corpses through atomic radiation in order to help him exact revenge on his enemies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Dr. Chet Walker ==
* It would answer the riddle, wouldn't it? Remote-controlled creatures, their brains powered by atomic energy, roaming the streets, directed from a central point.

== Frank Buchanan ==
* Steigg, you may be a crackpot, but you're also a genius.

* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.

== Dr. Wilhelm Steigg ==
* This animal looks content, doesn't it? You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!

==Dialogue==
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': This so-called blood is radioactive!
:'''Capt. Dave Harris''': Dangerously so?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Plus 9!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessy and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': My theory was to use these creatures to help people live, by doing everything that was difficult and dangerous. You just want to see people die.
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Not just people, Steigg. Particular people. And I'll get 'em. Every single one of them.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger (actor)|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
* [[w:Gregory Gaye|Gregory Gaye]] — Dr. Wilhelm Steigg
* [[w:S. John Launer|S. John Launer]] — Capt. Dave Harris 
* Linda Bennett — Penny Walker 
* [[w:Tris Coffin|Tristram Coffin]] — District Atty. McGraw
* [[w:Harry Lauter|Harry Lauter]] — Reporter #1
* [[w:Larry J. Blake|Larry J. Blake]] — Reporter #2 (as Larry Blake)
* Charles Evans — Chief Camden 
* [[w:Pierre Watkin|Pierre Watkin]] — Mayor Bremer

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]
[[Category:Nazis in film]]</text>
      <sha1>3u9yzijlkad5gbpjwcmdly9isbrjiyk</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146071</id>
      <parentid>3146070</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:27:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>added [[Category:Films about revenge]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3785" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Creature with the Atom Brain (1955 film)|Creature with the Atom Brain]]''''' is a [[w:1955 in film|1955]] [[zombie]] [[w:horror film|horror]] [[w:science fiction film|science fiction film]] about American gangster Frank Buchanan who forces former Nazi scientist Wilhelm Steigg to create zombies by resurrecting corpses through atomic radiation in order to help him exact revenge on his enemies.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward L. Cahn|Edward L. Cahn]]. Written by [[w:Curt Siodmak|Curt Siodmak]].
{{center|'''A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Dr. Chet Walker ==
* It would answer the riddle, wouldn't it? Remote-controlled creatures, their brains powered by atomic energy, roaming the streets, directed from a central point.

== Frank Buchanan ==
* Steigg, you may be a crackpot, but you're also a genius.

* Dr. Steigg, if it weren't for my money, you'd be experimenting with cats and dogs in that flea-sized lab of yours in Europe.

== Dr. Wilhelm Steigg ==
* This animal looks content, doesn't it? You'd never suspect it had 18 electrodes implanted in its brain!

==Dialogue==
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': This so-called blood is radioactive!
:'''Capt. Dave Harris''': Dangerously so?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Plus 9!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Reporter #1''': Doctor, how did anybody break through those bars in there?
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Maybe he ate all his vitamins.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Is he dead?
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': He never was alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penny Walker''': ''[about her new doll]'' I'm going to call her Dave. 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Dave? Dave's a boy's name, that's a girl doll. 
:'''Penny Walker''': I don't care... I know, I'll tell all my friends she's a tomboy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': ''[after his wife has asked if it is all right to leave their 6 year old daughter playing alone outside while monsters are murdering people in the streets]'' There seems to be some sort of definite pattern. Can't put my finger on it, but I do know that Hennessy and McGraw were killed for a reason. 
:'''Joyce Walker''': Well, it's all right then? 
:'''Dr. Chet Walker''': Well, for a while. I don't think they've gotten around to indiscriminate killings yet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Wilhelm Steigg''': My theory was to use these creatures to help people live, by doing everything that was difficult and dangerous. You just want to see people die.
:'''Frank Buchanan''': Not just people, Steigg. Particular people. And I'll get 'em. Every single one of them.

== Taglines ==
* A dead man walks the streets to stalk his prey! So terrifying only screams can describe it!
* He Comes from Beyond the Grave!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Richard Denning|Richard Denning]] — Dr. Chet Walker
* [[w:Angela Stevens|Angela Stevens]] — Joyce Walker
* [[w:Lane Chandler|Lane Chandler]] — Gen. Saunders
* [[w:Michael Granger (actor)|Michael Granger]] — Frank Buchanan
* [[w:Gregory Gaye|Gregory Gaye]] — Dr. Wilhelm Steigg
* [[w:S. John Launer|S. John Launer]] — Capt. Dave Harris 
* Linda Bennett — Penny Walker 
* [[w:Tris Coffin|Tristram Coffin]] — District Atty. McGraw
* [[w:Harry Lauter|Harry Lauter]] — Reporter #1
* [[w:Larry J. Blake|Larry J. Blake]] — Reporter #2 (as Larry Blake)
* Charles Evans — Chief Camden 
* [[w:Pierre Watkin|Pierre Watkin]] — Mayor Bremer

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0047960|title=Creature with the Atom Brain}}

[[Category:1955 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Mad scientist films]]
[[Category:Zombie films]]
[[Category:Nazis in film]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]</text>
      <sha1>itbxrq1udistygdac9awlzoqeb6234x</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Melania Trump</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>190761</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146050</id>
      <parentid>3076226</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T18:59:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Joreberg</username>
        <id>323041</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* 2022 */ Had I been fully informed of all the details, naturally, I would have immediately denounced the violence that occurred at the Capitol Building.</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7581" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Melania Trump Official Portrait.jpg|thumb|right|You judge a society by how it treats its citizens. We must do our best to ensure that every child can live in comfort and security, with the best possible education.]]
'''[[w:Melania Trump|Melania Trump]]''' (born [[April 26]], [[1970]]) is a Slovene American former model who is the wife of [[Donald Trump|Donald J. Trump]], the 45th [[w:President of the United States|president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]].

== Quotes ==
===1999===
* I would be very traditional. Like [[Betty Ford]] or [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis|Jackie Kennedy]]. I would support him.
** When asked what her role would be as First Lady; [http://www.nytimes.com/1999/12/01/nyregion/public-lives-a-model-as-first-lady-think-traditional.html ''New York Times'' interview] (December 1, 1999)

===2016===
* A lot of people say I am using all the procedures for my face. I didn't do anything. I live a healthy life, I take care of my skin and my body. I'm against Botox, I'm against injections; I think it's damaging your face, damaging your nerves. It's all me. I will age gracefully, as my mom does.
** [http://www.gq.com/story/melania-trump-gq-interview Interview with ''GQ''] (April 27, 2016)
* On July 28th 2006, I was very proud to become a citizen of the United States — the greatest privilege on planet Earth.
** [http://www.people.com/article/melania-trump-michelle-obama-similar-convention-speeches Speech at 2016 Republican National Convention] (July 18, 2016)
* From a young age, my parents impressed on me the values that you work hard for what you want in life: that your word is your bond and you do what you say and keep your promise; that you treat people with respect. They taught and showed me values and morals in their daily life. That is a lesson that I continue to pass along to our son, and we need to pass those lessons on to the many generation to follow because we want our children in this nation to know that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams and your willingness to work for them.
** [http://time.com/4412175/republican-convention-melania-trump-michelle-obama/ Speech at 2016 Republican National Convention] (July 18, 2016)
* You judge a society by how it treats its citizens. We must do our best to ensure that every child can live in comfort and security, with the best possible education.
** [http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/trailguide/la-na-republican-convention-2016-live-melania-trump-speech-is-the-wrong-1468897600-htmlstory.html Speech at 2016 Republican National Convention] (July 18, 2016)
* You can see from the tape, the cameras were not on—it was only a mic. And I wonder if they even knew that the mic was on. Because they were kind of, ah, boy talk. And he was led on. Like egg on from the host to say, uh, dirty and bad stuff.
** Regarding the leaked ''Access Hollywood'' tape of Donald Trump and [[Billy Bush]]; [http://time.com/4534216/melania-donald-trump-billy-bush-boy-talk/ Interview with Anderson Cooper] (October 17, 2016)
* Sometimes I say I have two boys at home — I have my young son and I have my husband.
** [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/17/politics/melania-trump-interview/ Interview with Anderson Cooper] (October 17, 2016)

===2017===
* We are responsible for empowering our next generation with values.
**[https://twitter.com/FLOTUS/status/830562934178840581 Twitter] (February 11, 2017)

===2018===
* I could say that I'm the most bullied person on the world
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2018-10-11 |title=Melania Trump: 'I'm the most bullied person on the world' |author=BBC staff | periodical=BBC |url=https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-45818267}}

*But we need to vet them. We need to know who they are,&lt;br&gt;Chain migration, he doesn't want to just cut it off completely. We need to vet the people, and we need to make sure that they believe in our system
**[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/melania-trump-president-doesnt-want-to-completely-end-chain-migration 12 October 2018]

===2020===
* Total honesty is what we as citizens deserve from our president
** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-08-26 |title=Fact Check: Second night of RNC riddled with dishonesty as Melania Trump appeals for 'total honesty'
 |author=CNN staff | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/25/politics/rnc-night-two-fact-check/index.html}}

* I'm working my a-- off with the Christmas stuff that, you know, who gives a f--- about Christmas stuff and decorations but I need to do it, right?
* And then I do it, and I say I'm working on Christmas and planning for Christmas.  And they say, 'What about the children that are separated?' Give me a f---ing break.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-01 |title=Recording reveals Melania Trump's curse over White House Christmas decorating duties; Twitter reacts |author=Bryan Alexander | periodical=USA Today |url=https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2020/10/01/melania-trump-christmas-decorating-curse-leaks-twitter-reacts/5890795002/}}

* ...when he was tested again and it came up positive. Luckily he is a strong teenager and exhibited no symptoms... He has since tested negative.
** Writing about a [[COVID]] diagnosis for [[w:Barron Trump|Barron Trump]] in [https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/first-lady-melania-trump-personal-experience-covid-19/ a statement] by the [[w:White House|White House]] On October 14, 2020

* The American people deserve fair elections. Every legal - not illegal - vote should be counted. We must protect our democracy with complete transparency.
** [https://twitter.com/FLOTUS/status/1325509832594616328 via tweet] On November 8, 2020

=== 2022 ===
* As with all First Ladies who preceded me, it was my obligation to record the contents of the White House’s historic rooms, including taking archival photographs of all the renovations.  Several months in advance, I organized a qualified team of photographers, archivists and designers to work with me in the White House to ensure perfect execution. As required, we scheduled January 6, 2021, to complete the work on behalf of our nation.
* Had I been fully informed of all the details, naturally, I would have immediately denounced the violence that occurred at the Capitol Building.
** [https://www.axios.com/2022/07/21/melania-trump-jan-6-white-house '&quot;Unaware&quot; Melania Trump was photographing a rug during Jan. 6 Capitol riot'], Axios, 21 July 2022

== Quotes about Melania Trump ==
* What I like about Trump is his wife — her beauty, her style and her charisma. I haven't met her, but I hear many good things about her. Even the Democrats have nothing bad to say about her.
** [[Silvio Berlusconi]], from an interview with Italy's La7 TV channel, as quoted in [http://www.adnkronos.com/aki-en/culture-and-media/2017/06/23/berlusconi-says-attracted-melania-trump_LNoWriPFrcyFzz2ghjM9II.html “Berlusconi says he's attracted to Melania Trump,” in ''adnkronos.com'' (June 23, 2017)]

== See also ==
* [[Donald Trump Jr.]]

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource}}
{{commonscat}}

* [https://www.whitehouse.gov/administration/first-lady-melania-trump First Lady Melania Trump at Whitehouse.gov]
* {{IMDb name|1514936}}


{{DEFAULTSORT:Trump, Melania}}
[[Category:1970 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Slovenians]]
[[Category:Models from the United States]]
[[Category:Philanthropists from the United States]]
[[Category:Catholics from the United States]]
[[Category:People from New York (state)]]
[[Category:United States First ladies]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>At the Circus</title>
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      <comment>/* J. Cheever Loophole */</comment>
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      <text bytes="5522" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:At the Circus lobby card 1939.jpg|thumb|]]
[[File:Groucho Marx-Eve Arden in At the Circus trailer.jpg|thumb|[[Groucho Marx]] as J. Cheever Loophole and [[w:Eve Arden|Eve Arden]] as Peerless Pauline.]]
'''''[[w:At the Circus|At the Circus]]''''' is a [[w:1939 in film|1939 film]] about three men who help the owner of a circus recover some stolen funds.
:''Directed by [[w:Edward Buzzell|Edward Buzzell]]. Written by [[w:Irving Brecher|Irving Brecher]].''
{{center|'''Keep the world laughing!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== J. Cheever Loophole ==
* I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.

* No thanks. Bad luck. Three on a midget.

* You're like a beautiful chandelier. I'd like to be around when you get lit up.

* It's the biggest dope ring in years. And Jardinet is the head dope!&quot;

* I have an agreement with the houseflies. They don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

== Antonio Pirelli ==
* You know what I say. Whenever you got business trouble the best thing to do is to get a lawyer. Then you got more trouble, but at least you got a lawyer.
* I ain't got nothing, but you can always have half!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Peerless Pauline''': I've waited so long to find someone like you.
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': Oh, someone ''like'' me, I'm not good enough for you, eh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peerless Pauline''': You're the man I've been dreaming of!
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': What do you eat before you go to bed?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peerless Pauline''': Oh, but, you don't have to go right now, do you?
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': Well, there's nothing to keep me here that I can see, from this angle.
:'''Peerless Pauline''': But, we, we hardly know each other. I can be very entertaining if I want to be.
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': ''[Speaking directly to the camera]'' There must be some way of getting that money without getting in trouble with the [[w:Motion Picture Production Code|Hays Office]]. ''[to Pauline]'' Will you walk on your hands?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': Well! What is the meaning of this?
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': Keep your sheet on, I'm looking for old lady Dukesbury.
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': I am Mrs. Dukesbury.
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': Snook'ems! ''[Rushes to her arms]'' 
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': Oh, good gracious! I don't know you.
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': You mean you've, you've forgotten?
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': Well, I...
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': I know, you have forgotten. Those June nights on the Riviera, where we sat 'neath the shimmering skies! Moonlight bathing in the Mediterranean! We were young, gay, reckless! The night I drank champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have held more, but you were wearing inner soles! Oh, Hildegarde!
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': My name is Susanna!
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': Let's not quibble!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': Judge Chanock will sit on my left hand and you will sit on my right hand.
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': How will you eat, through a tube?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': We must have regard for certain conventions.
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': One guy isn't enough. She's gotta have a convention.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''J. Cheever Loophole''':
You know, if you hadn't sent for me I'd be home now, in a nice, warm bedroom, in a comfortable bed with a hot toddy.
:'''Antonio Pirelli''':
Huh?
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''':
That's a drink!
:'''Antonio Pirelli''':
That'sa too bad!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Antonio Pirelli''': Folks, I wanna you should meet my pal! My best friend! What's your name again?
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': ''[annoyed]'' Loophole.
:'''Antonio Pirelli''': ''[shaking his hand]'' Glad to know ya!
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': It's your pleasure.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Antonio Pirelli''': You know what I think? The guy who hit Jeff on the head and knocked him out didn't like him.
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': Now let's not jump to concussions.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': You, monster. You're responsible for this disgrace!
:'''J. Cheever Loophole''': That's gratitude for you. Most men get their sweethearts one ring for an engagement. I got you three rings!
:'''Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury''': A circus! I'll be a laughing stock.
------------------------------------------------------
MRS.SUSANNA DEWKSBURY:&quot;My Goodness!What about Jardinet?&quot;
J.CHEEVER LOOPHOLE:&quot;He's probably on his way back to Paris&quot;

== Taglines ==
* Keep the world laughing!
== Cast ==
* [[Groucho Marx]] — J. Cheever Loophole
* [[Harpo Marx]] — Punchy
* [[w:Chico Marx|Chico Marx]] — Antonio 'Tony' Pirelli
* [[w:Florence Rice|Florence Rice]] — Julie Randall
* [[w:Kenny Baker|Kenny Baker]] — Jeff Wilson
* [[w:Margaret Dumont|Margaret Dumont]] — Mrs. Susanna Dukesbury
* [[w:Eve Arden|Eve Arden]] — Peerless Pauline
* [[w:James Burke (actor)|James Burke]] — John Carter
* [[w:Nat Pendleton|Nat Pendleton]] — Goliath the Strongman
* [[w:Jerry Marenghi|Jerry Marenghi]] — Little Professor Atom
* [[w:Fritz Feld|Fritz Feld]] — Jardinet
* Barnett Parker — Whitcomb
* [[w:Charles Gemora|Charles Gemora]] — Gibraltar the Gorilla

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0031060|title=At the Circus}}
* {{Amg movie|id=3197|title=At the Circus}}

[[Category:1939 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Marx Brothers films]]
[[Category:Circus films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Steven Universe (season 2)</title>
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      <text bytes="73334" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:''[Garnet drops Pearl]''
:'''Garnet''': ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time...
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': That's enough! (''points her finger at Pearl'') Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenches her fist'') Let's just get this over with. ''[Amethyst and Garnet fuse to form Sugilite]''

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might've disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again.
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:''[Amethyst fiddles the bathroom doorknob outside]''
:'''Amethyst''': It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with ''you'', filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like... this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold!

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his RV; Connie waves a maraca to calm down a crying baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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      <text bytes="73534" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:''[Garnet drops Pearl]''
:'''Garnet''': ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time...
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': That's enough! (''points her finger at Pearl'') Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenches her fist'') Let's just get this over with. ''[Amethyst and Garnet fuse to form Sugilite]''

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:''[Amethyst fiddles the bathroom doorknob outside]''
:'''Amethyst''': It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with ''you'', filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like... this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold!

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his RV; Connie waves a maraca to calm down a crying baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:17:56Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="73504" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:''[Amethyst fiddles the bathroom doorknob outside]''
:'''Amethyst''': It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with ''you'', filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like... this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold!

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his RV; Connie waves a maraca to calm down a crying baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146145</id>
      <parentid>3146144</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:27:33Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="73858" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' ''I'' did it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his RV; Connie waves a maraca to calm down a crying baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146146</id>
      <parentid>3146145</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:28:13Z</timestamp>
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      <comment>/* Catch and Release */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="73922" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his RV; Connie waves a maraca to calm down a crying baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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      <text bytes="73987" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his RV; Connie waves a maraca to calm down a crying baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146149</id>
      <parentid>3146148</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:38:48Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="73986" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146150</id>
      <parentid>3146149</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:39:19Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="73991" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [Peridot laughs madly] &quot;I never want to think about what I've done again!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face...''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;I'm a traitorous clod!&quot; [rewinds] &quot;Traitorous clod!&quot;''
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' [through recorder] &quot;Clod! Clod! Clod!&quot;''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;Okay, go.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Log date... ''[Steven gasps]'' seven fourteen two.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.&quot;
:'''Garnet''': &quot;Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Wait, what?&quot;

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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      <id>3146151</id>
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      <text bytes="73783" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording; laughs madly]'' And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face.''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' ''[snickers]''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': It seems the Earth ones are constantly filling the voids of their life with meaningless distractions.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Imagine: appearance modifiers that aren't melded to your body.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Okay, go.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Log date seven fourteen two.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, what?

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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      <id>3146152</id>
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      <text bytes="74009" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. '''''I can't believe I just did that!''''' I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording; laughs madly]'' And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face.''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' ''[snickers]''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Log Date 7 11 2. The Steven has given me this Earth machine to replace my communicator log. It looks…extremely primitive. He also said I should stop calling him, &quot;The Steven.&quot;
:'''Steven''': It's just Steven.
:'''Peridot''': I said I'd call him whatever I want. ''[hisses viciously at him; Steven holds up his finger in her face]'' He told me that was rude.
:'''Steven''': Rude.
:'''Peridot''': I guess I'll him, Steven.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Okay, go.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Log date seven fourteen two.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, what?

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146153</id>
      <parentid>3146152</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:48:35Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="73999" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. I can't believe I just did that! I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording; laughs madly]'' And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face.''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' ''[snickers]''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Log Date 7 11 2. The Steven has given me this Earth machine to replace my communicator log. It looks…extremely primitive. He also said I should stop calling him, &quot;The Steven.&quot;
:'''Steven''': It's just Steven.
:'''Peridot''': I said I'd call him whatever I want. ''[hisses viciously at him; Steven holds up his finger in her face]'' He told me that was rude.
:'''Steven''': Rude.
:'''Peridot''': I guess I'll him, Steven.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Okay, go.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Log date seven fourteen two.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, what?

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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      <text bytes="74010" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. I can't believe I just did that! I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording; laughs madly]'' And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face.''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' ''[snickers]''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Log Date 7 11 2. The Steven has given me this Earth machine to replace my communicator log. It looks…extremely primitive. He also said he wanted me to stop calling him, &quot;The Steven.&quot;
:'''Steven''': It's just &quot;Steven.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': I said I'd call him whatever I want. ''[hisses viciously at him; Steven holds up his finger in her face]'' He told me that was rude.
:'''Steven''': Rude.
:'''Peridot''': I guess I'll him, &quot;Steven.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' &quot;Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''.&quot; ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you? ''[Steven climbs up]''
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Okay, go.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Log date seven fourteen two.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, what?

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146157</id>
      <parentid>3146154</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:52:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Log Date 7 15 2 */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="74199" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
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{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. I can't believe I just did that! I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording; laughs madly]'' And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face.''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' ''[snickers]''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Log Date 7 11 2. The Steven has given me this Earth machine to replace my communicator log. It looks…extremely primitive. He also said he wanted me to stop calling him, &quot;The Steven.&quot;
:'''Steven''': It's just &quot;Steven.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': I said I'd call him whatever I want. ''[hisses viciously at him; Steven holds up his finger in her face]'' He told me that was rude.
:'''Steven''': Rude.
:'''Peridot''': I guess I'll him, &quot;Steven.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[clears throat; reading a joke from the joke book]'' &quot;Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken wanted to get to the other side of the road.&quot; ''[laughs]'' What's a chicken?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''. ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the colour war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Okay, go.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Log date seven fourteen two.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, what?

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>gh3x0k844bfvye33o9lq1boyhtsqg0z</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146160</id>
      <parentid>3146157</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:53:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Log Date 7 15 2 */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="74197" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Steven Universe (season 1)|1]] [[Steven Universe (season 2)|2]] [[Steven Universe (season 3)|3]] [[Steven Universe (season 4)|4]] [[Steven Universe (season 5)|5]] | [[Steven Universe: The Movie|Film]] | [[Steven Universe Future|Future]] | [[Steven Universe|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
The following is a list of quotes from the second season of ''[[Steven Universe]]''.

=== ''Full Disclosure'' ===
:'''Greg''': I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— ''[sees Steven's black eye]'' Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!
:'''Steven''': No way! They were super strong!
:'''Greg''': But you were able to beat them back?
:'''Steven''': No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! ''[Greg freaks out]''
:'''Greg''': W-What do they want with you?!
:'''Steven''': They think I'm Mom.
:'''Greg''': Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!
:'''Steven''': I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?
:'''Greg''': Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. ''[runs into his van]'' Gotta calm down. Where's my— ''[brings a series of CDs up front]'' Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? ''[inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music]'' Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ronaldo''': Oh! I see... You come up here to brood too!
:'''Steven''': Brood?
:'''Ronaldo''': Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear.
:'''Steven''': Hm.
:'''Ronaldo''': As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride.
:'''Steven''': I know! My dad flipped out when I told him!
:'''Ronaldo''': Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.
:'''Steven''': At least we can be there for each other.
:'''Ronaldo''': Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Aw, come on!
:'''Garnet''': No whining. We need to start cleaning up the debris.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet's right. People are already coming back into town!
:'''Steven''': We've got to keep them off the beach. If any humans got access to Gem technology, ''[shuts blinds]'' they could really hurt themselves. Maybe we should shut them out... for good.
:'''Pearl''': You know... we did once have a fence. Let's get a new one—with barbed wire! 
:'''Amethyst''': This time, let's build a moat. I could be... ''[shapeshifts her head]'' the crocodi-i-ile!! Jazz hands!
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': Why not?
:'''Pearl''': You always say you'll be the crocodile, but you never commit!
:'''Garnet''': No fence either.
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': Steven needs to see his father and his friends.
:'''Steven''': No, I don't! I can't keep clinging to the vestiges of my humanity. It's time I got serious. ''[his phone starts ring-toning again]'' Errh!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, why is your communication device playing that song?
:'''Steven''': It's Connie, trying to call me... but I can't face her anymore.
:'''Pearl''': So... you're just going to ignore her forever?
:'''Steven''': It's the responsible thing to do.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sees thru blinds]'' It's gonna be hard, 'cause she's coming up the steps right now.
:'''Steven''': What?!

=== ''Open Book'' ===

=== ''Joy Ride'' ===
:'''Steven''': Family stuff is tricky. 
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': Mmhm.
:'''Steven''': A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.
:'''Buck, Sour Cream, and Jenny''': That's the worst. / Bummer. / No way!
:'''Steven''': And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels and that there are other Gems out in space that want us dead 'cause they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage 'cause they think I'm my mom. And... maybe I kinda am? ''[sighs]'' I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl about it, but... I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around.
:''[Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny are in a state of shock for a beat. Jenny turns off the radio]''
:'''Jenny''': That's heavy.
:'''Steven''': I guess.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Steven... you're ungrounded from TV.

=== ''[[w:Say Uncle (Steven Universe)|Say Uncle]]'' ===
:'''Steven''': What am I doing wrong? The Gems can all summon ''their'' weapons, why can't I? ''[desperately]'' Isn't there somebody who can help me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Steven''': Oh my gosh! Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. ''[pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag]'' But this is! ''[launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling &quot;APRIL FOOLS&quot; and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]''
:'''Lars''': Oh, no!! Our ship!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What's going on?! Who is this… stranger?
:'''Steven''': He's not a stranger, he's Uncle Grandpa!
:''[Uncle Grandpa honks his nose]''
:'''Amethyst''': &quot;Uncle… Grandpa&quot;?
:'''Pearl''': So that would make him Greg's brother… ''and'' father?
:'''Garnet''': That would explain a lot.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Pizza Steve''': Oh hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.
:'''Steven''': Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too! Steven Universe.
:'''Pizza Steve''': ''Stee''-ven Universe... ''[pops out on top of Steven's hair]'' Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules—no more than 40 or 50 vans, and only '''ONE''' Steve allowed!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yeah, but this Steven is special.
:'''Mr. Gus''': Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Good mornin', Mr. Gus.
:'''Mr. Gus''': What's up, Uncle Grandpa?
:'''Steven''': Whoa, Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?
:'''Mr. Gus''': I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know ''ALL'' about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. ''[shows art of &quot;Mr. Gusite&quot;]'' My gem is on my tail, and my weapon is a fryin' pan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Gems run frantically across the plot hole many times, stop for a breather]''
:'''Garnet''': There's got to be some way out of here.
:'''Pearl''': ''[extremely panicked]'' WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! ''THIS'' IS OUR NEW ''HOME!!''
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, you're overreacting.
:'''Pearl''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Pearl runs around screaming until she crashes into Amethyst]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, where's Steven? ''[Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]'' 
:'''Pizza Steve''': Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe?  ''[Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]''
:'''Pearl''': That's not my baby!
:'''Amethyst''': Ah, nice! ''[eyes on Pizza Steve]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Whoa, hold on!
:'''Amethyst''': ''Pizzaaaaaa!!'' ''[chases Pizza Steve offscreen]''
:'''Pizza Steve''': Don't eat Pizza Steve! ''[munching noises]''
:''[Amethyst walks back on, putting on Pizza Steve's sunglasses from out of her mouth]''
:'''Garnet''': Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end.
:''[She stomps, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': ''[after finally summoning his shield; to Uncle Grandpa]'' I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Yay.
:'''Pearl''': Protecting HIM activated Steven's powers?!
:'''Garnet''': He must really care about this stranger.
:'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
:'''Steven''': Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.
:'''Pearl''': ''[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry]'' Steven, you're right. ''[cries]'' HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!
:'''Amethyst''': I also apologize for Pearl.
:'''Garnet''': Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Uncle Grandpa''': Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... ''[grabs a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists]'' Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! ''[checks off Steven's name]'' Now who's next? ''[Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]''

=== ''Story for Steven'' ===
=== ''Shirt Club '' ===
:''[Steven rushes to the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!
:'''Garnet''': Steven!
:'''Pearl''': What is it?!
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, where's the fire?
:'''Steven''': It's an emergency! You have to help me take down all the shirts and stop Buck from making more! 
:'''Pearl''': Have the shirts come to life and and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
:'''Steven''': Uh, no! They just—
:'''Amethyst''': Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
:'''Steven''': No! No, they're just—
:'''Pearl''': Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City!?!
:'''Steven''': ''NOOOOO''!!! They're— they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
:'''Pearl''': Oh. ''[all Gems sit down]''
:'''Garnet''': Ah, we'll pass.
:'''Steven''': What?! But— but I really need your help!
:'''Pearl''': Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
:'''Amethyst''': It's not something we can ''punch''!
:'''Garnet''': You must learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. ''[shades sparkle]''
:'''Amethyst/Pearl''': Good point, good point. / Oh, absolutely.
:'''Steven''': But..!
:'''Amethyst''': You figure something ''out'', Steven!
:'''Pearl''': Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
:'''Garnet''': Let your problem be known, then you can work towards an understanding.
:'''Steven''': Oh... I'll make them understand. I'll make them all understand... ''[leaves]''
:'''Amethyst''': Eh, he'll be fine.

=== ''Love Letters'' ===
:''[Steven and Connie meet Jamie sitting on a log in the beach]''
:'''Steven''': Jamie!
:'''Jamie''': Oh, hey, Connie and Steven. You guys come out here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?
:'''Connie''': Uhh, no...? We came to, uh—
:'''Jamie''': Yeah, life is crazy. One day, you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know... you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. &quot;Follow your dreams,&quot; they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. So many auditions day after day... So much rejection day after day... That's why I came back. ''[two seagulls crash into each other and fall into the sea]'' One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. ''[sobs, chuckles]'' Sorry... sometimes I get caught up in the drama zone, you know?
:'''Steven''': Yeah, right... Drama zone.
:'''Connie''': Oh, by the way, we have something for yo—
:'''Steven''': No, we don't!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I didn't mean to upset you.
:'''Jamie''': Then will you go out with me?
:'''Garnet''': No!
:'''Jamie''': But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.
:'''Garnet''': Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time and love takes work. At the very least, you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who or what I am. ''[shades glimmer]''
:'''Jamie''': But I bloom for you like— like a... camellia... under moonlight?
:'''Garnet''': No, you don't! ''[long beat]'' You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children. ''[adjusts her shades]'' You even convinced yourself. ''[smiling]'' You're a fantastic actor.
:'''Jamie''': ''[beat]'' ..What am I supposed to do now?
:'''Garnet''': Start with local theater. ''[slaps Jamie's back, then walks away. Connie and Steven walk closer to him]''
:'''Connie''': Are you okay?
:'''Jamie''': Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.
:'''Steven''': Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?
:'''Jamie''': No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.
:'''Steven''': ''[beat]'' We'll help you pick it all up.
:'''Jamie''': Thanks.

=== ''Reformed'' ===
:'''Garnet''': This is not a good choice for your form.
:'''Amethyst''': Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?
:'''Garnet''': It's not funny. You've made yourself ridiculous.
:'''Amethyst''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RIDICULOUS?!?!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Keep your voice down! The creature...
:'''Amethyst''': Hrrr... You wanted me to be more like Pearl, and now I am!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[low voice]'' Pearl would've taken her regeneration seriously!
:'''Amethyst''': WHAT DO YOU CARE!?! MY FORM IS '''''MY'' BUSINESS!!'''
:'''Garnet''': It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!!
:'''Amethyst''': ..So what?! I'm not strong enough?! ''[gets dragged by the Slinker]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst!
:'''Amethyst''': '''ARE YOU SAYING... &lt;big&gt;I'M ''WEAK''&lt;/big&gt;?!?!''' ''[poofs again; Steven catches her gemstone]''
:'''Steven''': Is it weird I'm getting numbed to this?

=== ''[[w:Sworn to the Sword|Sworn to the Sword]]'' ===
:'''Connie''': ''[fights off seagulls with her violin bow]'' Run back to your masters! Tell them we're not afraid of your kind!
:'''Steven''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks for saving my jam snack. Unfortunately, it's not safe from me. ''[munches it]'' You're such a good sword fighter, Connie.
:'''Connie''': Really? I was just swinging this thing around. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'd love to learn how to use a real sword!
:'''Steven''': Oh! ''[gulps snack; starry eyes]'' Steven has an idea!
:''[back at the Beach House]''
:'''Pearl''': You want me to do ''what''?!
:'''Steven''': You should teach Connie to sword fight, she's already so good!
:'''Connie''': Steven!
:'''Steven''': But you are! Y-You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing, she took down that evil clone of herself, uh... those mean seagulls just now?
:'''Pearl''': You're awfully young to begin something like this. But I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz. ''[Connie raises her hand]'' Yes, Connie?
:'''Connie''': Please! I want to learn! I mean, I don't know what'll happen in the future. But if something dangerous comes along... I don't wanna be a burden, I wanna help! I want to be there for Steven to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too. Can't I help protect it? ''[Pearl starts watering tears of joy]''
:'''Pearl''': Oh... okay... If that's how you feel... we should get started!
:'''Steven''': Woo-hoo! ''[runs after her laughing]''
:'''Connie''': Wait, now?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right, everything begins with your stance. Remember:
:''[singing] You do it for him, and you would do it again''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''

:''Keep your stance wide, keep your body lowered''
:''As you're moving forward, balance is the key''
:''Right foot, left foot, now go even faster''
:''And as you're moving backwards, keep your eyes on me.''

:'''Connie''': ''Keep my stance wide'' (&quot;Good.&quot;)
:''Keep my body lowered'' (&quot;Right.&quot;)
:''As I'm moving forward''
:'''Pearl''': ''Concentrate! Don't you want him to live?!''

:'''Connie''': ''Right foot, left foot''
:'''Pearl''': ''Yes, but put your whole body into it!''
:''Everything you have, everything you are''
:''You've got to give.''

:''On the battlefield, when everything is chaos''
:''And you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy and a sword''
:''You just think about the life you'll have together after the war''
:''And then you do it for her, that's how you know you can win''
:''You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for him.''
&lt;hr width=25%&gt;
:''Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting''
:''But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try''
:''What they don't know is your real advantage''
:''When you live for someone, you're prepared to die.''

:'''Connie''': ''Deep down, I know that I'm just a human'' (&quot;True.&quot;)
:'''Both''': ''But I/you know that I/you can draw my/your sword and fight''
:'''Connie''': ''With my short existence,'' (&quot;Good.&quot;) ''I can make a difference'' (&quot;Yes, excellent!&quot;)
:''I can be there for him, I can be his knight.''

:'''Connie''': ''I can do it for him''
:'''Both''': ''You'd do it for her''
:'''Pearl''': ''Okay, now do that again'' (&quot;Yes, ma'am.&quot;)
:''You do it for her, and now you say''
:'''Connie''': ''I'll do it for him.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Amethyst''': ''[belly laughs]'' Wow, Garnet! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Garnet''': Garnet, master of comedy.
:'''Amethyst''': Hehehe... Yo, Steven. ''[pretend-yells]'' '''WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE ALL SAD LIKE THAT?!?!'''
:'''Steven''': W-well... Connie is taking sword fighting lessons from Pearl, but I think it's getting a little too serious. She wants Connie to do all this dangerous stuff for me.
:'''Garnet''': That makes sense.
:'''Steven''': What do you mean?
:'''Garnet''': Back during the war, Pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. She put Rose Quartz over everything — over logic, over consequence, over her own life.
:''[Pearl and Rose switch to Connie and Steven, respectively. She charges at the enemy before cutting to Steven's horrified face]''
:'''Amethyst''': You okay, dude?
:'''Steven''': I have to do something!! Thanks for telling me that, bye!!

=== ''Rising Tides, Crashing Skies'' ===
:'''RonaIdo''': I am now going to attempt to make contact with the mysterious, reclusive, ''[Steven comes out]'' and—ahh!
:'''Steven''': Hi, Ronaldo! Uh, hi, Peedee. Is that a camera? 
:'''Peedee''': Yeah. We're making a movie about— 
:'''RonaIdo''': It's an investigative report, shot ''[[w:cinéma vérité|camera vérité]]''.
:'''Steven''': Cool! 
:'''RonaIdo''': So... you wanna participate in a groundbreaking interview? 
:'''Steven''': Hmm. Only if ''you'' participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade! ''[walks back inside]''
:''[cue Ronaldo and Steven in the Beach House]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh, that giant hand? It was a spaceship coming to get us.
:'''RonaIdo''': Us?! I knew it! Steven, we know too much! 
:'''Steven''': No, not &quot;us&quot; us. I-I meant me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans for a human zoo? Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?! Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent!?! 
:'''Steven''': Uh... no, I'm pretty sure it came to Beach City for me and the Crystal Gems.
:'''RonaIdo''': Oh. So, if you and the Crystal Gems weren't here, we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! Definitely not.

=== ''Keeping It Together'' ===
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?
:'''Garnet''': We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.
:'''Pearl''': Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?
:'''Garnet''': Mm. If she gets it back up and running, the Injectors will turn back on.
:'''Steven''': Injectors? What're those?
:'''Pearl''': You've already seen them. ''[projects hologram from her gemstone]'' Well, you've seen them disabled. If Peridot reactivates them, they'll pick right up where they left off, planting gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do... ''[sighs]'' the entire planet will become…
:'''Garnet''': Janked.
:'''Amethyst''': Garnet! ''[laughs]'' That mouth! ''[sniggers]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry. We'll stop her.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Steven''': We did it! Garnet?
:'''Garnet/Ruby'''! So ''this'' is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': We couldn't have known they would do this.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': ''This'' is where they've been…all the ones we couldn't find… they've been here the whole time!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': Rose couldn't have known.
:'''Garnet/Ruby''': This is punishment for the rebellion!
:'''Garnet/Sapphire''': ''[breaking down]'' It's not our fault!
:'''Steven''': Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': S-Steven.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[sliding down with Pearl]'' Yo! We're back.
:'''Pearl''': Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. ''[two fused hands climb up on Amethyst and grabs them]'' Um… what are these things?
:'''Garnet''': PUT THEM DOWN!
:'''Steven''': Uh!
:'''Pearl''': Wha...? ''[throws the hands away]''
:'''Garnet''': We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. ''[She poofs the hands as the screen turns black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': What Homeworld did… taking the shattered parts of fallen Gems and combining them—those Gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice. Those Gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right. It isn't fusion!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out the dryer into the basket]''
:'''Steven''': What's it like... being a fusion?
:'''Garnet''': You fused.
:'''Steven''': I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?
:'''Garnet''': You forget you were ever alone. You know when you fuse, you don't feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.
:'''Steven''': When you split up, is it like you disappear?
:'''Garnet''': I embody my— I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.
:'''Steven''': That's why you're so great!
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiles]'' Ha. ''[Steven starts laughing, with a light blue colored sock being blown away]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, no! ''[Garnet catches it]''
:'''Garnet''': Don't wanna break up a pair.
:'''Steven''': ''[holds peach colored sock]'' Yeah, you're right. ''[Garnet folds socks into basket]'' They belong together.

=== ''We Need to Talk'' ===
:''[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]''
:'''Greg''': Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? ''[groans]''
:'''Amethyst''': Hey! ''[looks at face-to-face with Garnet]'' Are you dead?
:'''Greg''': Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, cool! ''[jumps over Greg, runs to the TV]'' It's us from before!
:'''Greg''': Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.
:'''Amethyst''': A fusion dance ain't about your head! ''[laughs out loud]''
:'''Greg''': Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!
:'''Garnet''': First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.
:'''Greg''': Metaphorically?
:'''Garnet''': Literally.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[whispers]'' Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!
:'''Greg''': Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. ''[touches his face]'' I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... ''[Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]''
:'''Garnet''': Amethyst... give us some privacy! ''[throws it far away]''
:'''Amethyst''': YEAH!! ''[scampers after it]''
:'''Garnet''': Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse ''your'' way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. ''[lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes]'' That's fusion.
:'''Greg''': EYE—think I get it.

=== ''Chille Tid'' ===
:'''Steven''': &quot;Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live&quot;—Steven Universe.
----
:'''Garnet''': Let me show you how it's done. ''(She falls over, stiff as a board)''
:'''Pearl''': That's pretty convincing.
----
:'''Steven''': Lapis!
:'''Lapiz Lazuli''': No. I'm ''not'' Lapis anymore. We're Malachite now.

=== ''[[w:Cry for Help (Steven Universe)|Cry for Help]]'' ===
:'''Garnet''': It's as I feared.
:''[The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky]''
:'''Pearl''': It looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.
:'''Steven''': So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? (''to Amethyst'') You guys should form Sugilite!
:'''Amethyst''': (''smiling a bit'') Yeah... Well, it's up to Garnet, I guess. (''smiling widely, to Garnet'') What do you say? ''[Pearl looks scared in the background]'' Shall we mash it up?...
:'''Garnet''': No.
:'''Amethyst''': But, don't we need to be huge like last time?
:'''Garnet''': Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. (''takes off her visor'') I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away. So, for the time being, ''[She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them]'' Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. ''[Steven gasps]'' It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. ''[Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up]'' Don't cry, Pearl. ''[Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose, sniffling thickly]'' Come on, let's do this.
:'''Pearl''': I'm right behind you. (''sniffling'')
:'''Steven''': (''running towards them'') Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion* (''Amethyst walks over'')
:'''Garnet''': (''gemstones glow'') Ready.
:'''Pearl''': (''grunts; stretches'') Hang on, it's been such a long time.
----
:'''Sardonyx''': Gooooood evening, everybody! (''struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl'') This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you ''a-live'' from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?
:'''Amethyst''': (''sarcastically'')  Great...
:'''Steven''': (''gasps'') Giant woman!
----
:'''Amethyst''': ''Maybe you're better off with her / I think she's better for you / I forgot how great it felt to be us / Guess I got carried away. / I had to use you to make me feel strong / But I don't care about that now / I see a tower built out of my mistakes / And it all comes crashing down. / Is there something I can doo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo-oo / Is there something I can doo-oo / Can I make it up to you?''
----
:'''Amethyst''': Stop!
:'''Pearl''': Is something the matter, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': You... you shouldn't.
:'''Steven''': Pearl, we saw you.
:'''Pearl''': (''shocked'') What?
:'''Steven''': You need to tell Garnet it was you!
:'''Garnet''': I don't understand.
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry. It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you.
:'''Garnet''': ''[drops Pearl to the ground]'' ''That's'' why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.
:'''Pearl''': Wait, let me explain!
:'''Garnet''': You've been fixing the hub!
:'''Pearl''': It really was Peridot! The first time.
:'''Garnet''': You ''tricked'' me!
:'''Pearl''': No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!
:'''Garnet''': Those weren't ''victories''!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... ''stronger''!
:'''Garnet''': Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... ''nothing''!
:'''Pearl''': Garnet...
:'''Garnet''': ''[angrily points at her]'' That's enough! ''[to Amethyst]'' Amethyst, fuse with me!
:'''Amethyst''': But-!
:'''Garnet''': (''clenching her fist'') Let's just get this over with.

=== ''Keystone Motel'' ===
:'''Steven''': Pearl! Where have you been?!
:'''Pearl''': Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. ''[Garnet walks in through the front door]'' Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? ''[Garnet says nothing and walks past her]'' I'm sorry
----
:'''Garnet''': ''[agitated, panting]'' Calm down... I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!... You don't understand, you must... If you're not going to listen, then you can just GO! ''[splits into Ruby and Sapphire]''
:'''Sapphire''': ''[calmly]'' We must move past this, Ruby.
:'''Ruby''': ''[furiously]'' She ''lied'' to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She ''tricked'' us! Don't you feel used?!
:'''Sapphire''': You're choosing to take it personally.
:'''Ruby''': IT'S ''FUSION'', SAPPHIRE! WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL TO US THAN ''FUSION?!''
:'''Sapphire''': I know you're still upset...
:'''Ruby''': Oh, so it's just me?!
:'''Sapphire''': Of course not. Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?
:'''Ruby''': Well, it doesn't feel like it!
:'''Sapphire''': The sooner we forgive Pearl, the better it will be for us all.
:'''Ruby''': YOU'RE NOT AS ABOVE THIS AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! 
----
:'''Sapphire''': ''[about Ruby, while she shakes the table]'' This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.
:'''Ruby''':  ''[angrily]'' THAT'S WHAT ''YOU'' THINK! '''I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!''' ''[flips the table]''
:''[while Greg talks to Steven, arguing with each other simultaneously]''
:'''Ruby''': You don't know me!
:'''Sapphire''': How could I possibly not know you? We always fuse! We always fuse, what are you even going on about fusion?
:'''Ruby''': Look at you! ''[laughing]'' You don't even know yourself! Ha! 
:'''Sapphire''': So don't act so ridiculous. 
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm'' ridiculous?!
:'''Sapphire''': Yes, yes.
----
:'''Steven''': I was so happy when Garnet said she wanted to go on this trip with me and Dad! Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It... it just came with us! I don't understand! Is it... is it me?
:'''Ruby''': ...No! Steven, it's all us!
:'''Sapphire''': But we made him feel like it was his fault... I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present! ''[starting to cry]'' No wonder you think I don't care...!
:'''Ruby''': Sapphire... No, nonononono! This is all my fault, I... I didn't want to look for a solution, I... I just wanted to be mad! You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!
:'''Sapphire''': I don't think you're stupid!
:'''Ruby''': I'm... sorry. ''[gently brushes Sapphire's hair aside, revealing her sad eye]''
:'''Sapphire''': You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... trying to do the right thing.
:'''Ruby''': I know... ''[starts smiling]'' You know what's nice about being split up?
:'''Sapphire''': What?
:'''Ruby''': I get to look at you...
:'''Sapphire''': ''[pushes her off, laughing]'' Be serious!
:'''Ruby''': ''[hugs Sapphire]'' There's my Laughy Sapphy!
:'''Sapphire''': Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven! ''[cut to Steven, feeling awkward at the scene]''

=== ''Historical Friction'' ===
:'''Steven''': Hey, Pearl! ''[sees a desolate Pearl sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling]'' Pearl?
:'''Pearl''': ''[jumps up]'' Steven! You're back!
:'''Steven''': Yeah... ''[sits down]'' Show business is rough.
:'''Pearl''': Is there something I can help you with?
:'''Steven''': Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
:'''Pearl''': How do ''you'' know William Dewey?
:'''Steven''': I'm gonna be him in this play! But he's totally boring! He's perfect and he never makes mistakes.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sigh]'' Wish I could say the same for myself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but nobody's like that! Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going and it's hard, which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
:'''Pearl''': ..When did you get so smart?

=== ''Friend Ship'' ===
:''[Steven and the Gems enter a room in the ship. Peridot appears on a projected screen]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' You Gems really are as dull as dirt!
:'''Pearl''': You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[pauses]'' What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.
:'''Steven''': ''[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it]'' Pearl says ''you're'' the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!
:'''Peridot''': ''[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs]'' Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to '''''TRAP YOU!''''' ''[a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room]'' Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you '''''CLODS?!'''''
:'''Pearl''': No...
:'''Amethyst''': ''[speaks into the microphone]'' Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-
:'''Peridot''': Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! ''[dramatically hits a button]'' Hiyah! ''[nothing happens, hits it again]'' Hiyah!
:''[the room's laser cannons activate and take aim at Steven and the Gems]''
:'''Peridot''': It works! Yes! '''''DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.
:'''Pearl''': I have to do something. I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my… ''[Peridot's hologram disappears as the ground starts to shake]'' fault?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': ''[thru screen]'' Garnet… I'm sorry!
:'''Amethyst''': Wait a sec!
:'''Pearl''': Things weren't supposed to turn out this way... ''[inside, Garnet punches the wall again]''
:'''Garnet''': We'll get outta here somehow.
:'''Pearl''': ''[sighs]'' That's not what I mean! I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... ''[Garnet withdraws her gauntlets]'' I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...
:'''Garnet''': Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. ''[thru screen]'' This isn't about Peridot.
:'''Amethyst''': Hey... they're actually talking!
:'''Steven''': Now they can finally work things out!
:''[soon, the gears start to activate and turn and start closing into the trapped two]''
:'''Amethyst''': Not if they get crushed!
:''[both Garnet and Pearl push their unflinching sides]''
:'''Pearl''': Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me?!
:'''Garnet''': You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!
:'''Pearl''': I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself!
:'''Garnet''': ''[kicks opposite side of wall next to Pearl]'' I don't want to hear your excuses!
:'''Pearl''': But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you, I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. ''[cries]'' I need someone to tell me what to do.
:''[the walls suddenly stop moving; Both Amethyst and Steven pull her whip on its gears in its place. Garnet and Pearl pause for a beat]''
:'''Pearl''': When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship. You're always together, I just... I wanted to be a part of that.
:'''Garnet''': You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think. I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. ''[thru screen]'' I came undone.
:'''Amethyst''': Whoa, that really happened?
:'''Steven''': ''[nods]'' Hm.
:'''Garnet''': It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too, but I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. ''[thru screen]'' You have an impact too. ''[inside]'' There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your ''own'' gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.
:'''Pearl''': I understand. I can't give up anymore!
:'''Garnet''': Good.

=== ''Nightmare Hospital'' ===
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': ''[sighs]'' I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.
:'''Connie''': Whatsyjf happened at work?
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a ''nightmare''. ''[beat]'' Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?
:'''Connie''': Oh, no...
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': A ''SWORD''?! Connie, where did you get this?!
:'''Steven''': I-it's—
:'''Connie''': I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': How could you possibly think this is okay?!
:'''Connie''': It's—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!
:'''Connie''': I—
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! ''[her cell phone rings, answers it]'' This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?
:'''Steven''': ''[to Connie]'' Is she gonna give it back? 
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': All right, I'll-I'll be right there. ''[zips sword in duffle bag]'' I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. ''[leaves, comes back]'' And we're using the abacus! ''[leaves again]''
:'''Connie''': I ''hate'' that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!
:'''Steven''': Maybe we can get her to change her mind?
:'''Connie''': She never ''ever'' changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Connie''': Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?
:'''Connie''': ..Maybe.
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.
:'''Connie''': I can protect myself now! ''[Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': Okay. ''[Connie winces]'' We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about ''[Connie's lenses]'' this, and ''[Lion]'' that, and... him. ''[Steven stays frightened]'' It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?
:'''Connie''': ''[beat]'' That's a rule. ''[they embrace each other]''
:'''Dr. Maheswaran''': I love you, honey.
:'''Connie''': I love you too, Mom.

=== ''Sadie's Song'' ===
:'''Sadie''': Please, Mom. Don't make me do this.
:'''Barb''': Make you? You said you wanted to sing.
:'''Sadie''': Yeah! I did! I did! I did, I did. Just like I say lots of things like, &quot;Hey, Mom. Swimming looks fun&quot;, then bam! Suddenly, I'm anchoring a 400 meter relay for the Beach City Seals. &quot;Hey, Mom. I thought signing up for softball would be nice.&quot; 6 birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but kneepads and batting helmets. &quot;Hey, Mom. I wanna sing at this year's Beachapalooza&quot;, and what do I get? THIS! I just thought, for once, I get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do.
:'''Barb''': I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is.
:'''Sadie''': THIS is not your daughter.
:'''Barb''': ''[stunned]'' I'm sorry.

=== ''Catch and Release'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''[getting padded by Peridot]'' Why are you acting like this?!
:'''Peridot''': You smashed me into a limbless cloud, you trapped me in your bubble dungeon, and you called me... ''cute''! ''[Steven evades her punch, face-flat on the floor]''
:'''Steven''': I didn't poof you! I freed you! ''[Peridot turns back]''
:'''Peridot''': Why would you make such a miscalculation?
:'''Steven''': Back at the warp pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?
:'''Peridot''': What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble!
:'''Steven''': Cluster? Wait, pebble?
:'''Peridot''': My mission. The reason why I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!!
:'''Steven''': Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top—emerging, hatching, Clusters?
:'''Peridot''': You wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes.
:'''Peridot''': You ''really'' wanna know?
:'''Steven''': Yes?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[in bathroom]'' Hmm... Seems I've discovered some sort of archaic... think chamber. Roomy, with a fresh hint of Earth citrus. ''[lifts toilet seat]'' A perfect crossroads for my escape.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[fiddling the bathroom doorknob]'' It's locked.
:'''Garnet''': Peridot, open the door! ''[flushing sounds are heard]''
:'''Amethyst''': Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it ''won't'' work. ''[cut to Peridot spinning inside the toilet bowl]'' Trust me, I've tried.
:'''Pearl''': How did she get out?! We bubbled her!
:'''Amethyst''': Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.
:'''Garnet''': My bubbles are fine.
:'''Steven''': ''[sweating nervously]'' I did it.
:'''Pearl''': ''[shocked]'' Steven, why would you do such a thing?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, fine. We'll talk. Peridot!
:'''Peridot''': ''[slips off the sink]'' Whoa!
:'''Garnet''': All right, no more fighting. Let's just have a civil conversation.
:'''Peridot''': As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!
:'''Garnet''': ''[summons gauntlets]'' Okay, let's kick her butt.
:'''Steven''': Wait!
:'''Peridot''': Yeah! Destroy me again! ''[hangs on bath curtain pole with a plunger]'' And have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a ''bubble''! ''[almost slips off]''
:'''Pearl''': I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like… this.
:'''Garnet''': This is going to be tricky. ''[hear knobs turning, water splashing]''
:'''Peridot''': H-h-hot hot hot!!
:'''Steven''': You have to turn the knob the other way for cold! ''[later in the kitchen with the Gems]'' Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?
:'''Pearl''': Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash?

=== ''When It Rains'' ===
:'''Garnet''': ''[banging on the bathroom door]'' Open the door, Peridot! If this &quot;Cluster&quot; is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it!
:'''Peridot''': No! I hate you! I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster!
:'''Amethyst''': Oh, come on. Is it like a big, hunk of granola?
:'''Peridot''': What's granola? 
:'''Pearl''': I'm sure it's not granola. Now, Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?
:'''Peridot''': Oh, sure. Why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information. Oh, wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So, no, I don't think we can reach some sort of agreement!
:'''Steven''': ''[flushing the toilet]'' Okay, Peridot, you can turn around now. ''[exits the bathroom, clears throat]'' Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.
:'''Garnet''': Don't worry about it, Steven.
:'''Pearl''': I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now.
:'''Peridot''': I'll ''never'' crack for the likes of you, you… Crystal Clods! ''[laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh, I got your clods right here, you little…!
:'''Garnet''': ''[puts her hand on her shoulder]'' Hold on, Pearl. If she's not gonna be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.
:'''Steven''': I'll come with you.
:'''Garnet''': Sorry, Steven. We're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our…''guest.''
:'''Steven''': Really?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah. Make sure she doesn't try anything.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry. She's harmless without her limb enhancers.
:'''Peridot''': I'M NOT HARMLESS!
:'''Pearl''': Oh, hush up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster! I thought it'd be impossible, but now we have a chance.
:'''Steven''': What is it?
:'''Peridot''': ''[grabs Steven's shoulders and grins malevolently]'' It's you, Steven! ''[she and Steven climb out of the control room]'' Now that you're filled in, we can get to work!
:'''Steven''': Uhh, how am I supposed to help?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and its erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the Cluster and we just might be able to stop it!
:'''Steven''': No, Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.
:'''Peridot''': What are you talking about?
:'''Steven''': I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.
:'''Peridot''': Well, I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.
:'''Steven''': Sure, but none of it's going to help us. If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.
:'''Peridot''': I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom, or whatever you call it, and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this &quot;dad&quot; for help, right?

=== ''Back to the Barn'' ===
:'''Peridot''': What is that?!
:'''Steven''': ''[speaking with the Cluster puppet]'' It's the Cluster.
:'''Peridot''': It does not look like that. But it ''is'' real, and it can activate at any moment!
:'''Amethyst''': What a cluster.
:'''Garnet''': That abomination must be stopped.
:'''Pearl''': But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-
:'''Peridot''': ''[swats at Pearl, interrupting her]'' Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we ''need'' is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pearl''': All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types, and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. Sorry, Steven. It's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this. ''[Steven stops spinning on the swivel chair, now frowning]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[examines piece of chalk]'' Hmm... Good. Yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
:'''Pearl''': ..Uh, what?
:'''Peridot''': Hm? ''[beat]'' Umm, that will be all? ''[claps to her for a beat, whispers to Steven]'' How do you get her to leave?
:'''Pearl''': Excuse me, I am not leaving.
:'''Steven''': Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughs]'' No, no, you're confused. A Pearl can't build a thing like this.
:'''Steven''': Why not?
:'''Peridot''': Because Pearls aren't ''for'' this! They're... for standing around, an-and looking nice, and uh... holding your stuff for you. Right?
:'''Pearl''': That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.
:'''Peridot''': Listen to you? ''[starts laughing, turns to Steven]'' Did you teach her to talk like this?
:'''Steven''': What are you talking about?
:'''Peridot''': She's a Pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other Pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.
:'''Steven''': Wait... There's hundreds of Pearls?!
:'''Pearl''': ''[nervous]'' Well... yes, but—
:'''Peridot''': ''[holding Pearl's sash]'' And she looks like a fancy one, too. ''[Pearl gasps]''
:'''Steven''': Hundreds of Pearls...
:'''Peridot''': So, who do you belong to anyway?
:'''Pearl''': ''[grabs her sash away from her]'' Nobody!!
:'''Peridot''': Then... what are you for? ''[Pearl recoils back]'' Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A Peridot with a Pearl? What would they say back home?
:'''Pearl''': Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on ''our'' turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of ''you''!!
:'''Peridot''': Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!
:'''Steven''': Whoa, whoa, hang on, guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so... can't you just try listening to each other?
:'''Both''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pearl''': I'm as good at building things as you! Better, even!
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Name one thing you can engineer better! Go on!
:'''Steven''': ''[whispers]'' Robots.
:'''Both''': Hm?
:'''Steven''': You should build robots. Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race... with prizes. Giant robo-prizes!
:'''Pearl''': You mean like a competition?
:'''Steven''': Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!
:'''Peridot''': What are these robots you speak of? 
:'''Steven''': They're like those funky marble guys you were sending—only bigger, and you can ride them! ''[makes robot noises]''
:'''Peridot''': Hah! Building one of these robots will be easy!
:'''Pearl''': Well, I can build one faster!
:'''Peridot''': That's what you think!

=== ''Too Far'' ===
:'''Peridot''': ''[talking into a recorder]'' Log date 7 11 2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since commencements of a... collaborative approach to stopping the Cluster.
:'''Pearl''': I've finished drawing up the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this?
:'''Peridot''': Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. ''[plays recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;The Pearl here has developed an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect. But that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing... crying... singing while crying.&quot; [Amethyst laughs]''
:'''Pearl''': ''[to Steven] [annoyed]'' Why did you give her that?
:'''Steven''': Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might help make her feel a little better.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder] &quot;Clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Mighty clod!&quot; [fast-forwards] &quot;Running out of ways to say clod.&quot;''
:'''Garnet''': All right. I chased away those cows. Now let's get to work.
:'''Peridot''': ''[to Garnet] [clears throat]'' Before we begin, would you mind unfusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.
:''[beat as Steven, Amethyst and Pearl nervously look to Garnet. The scene then cuts to Garnet leashing Peridot to a fence.]
:'''Peridot''': ''[as Garnet walks away]'' What?! What'd I say?! 
:'''Steven''': Did we really have to do that?
:'''Garnet''': Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' incredibly uncomfortable.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:''[Steven and Amethyst walk up to a leashed Peridot growling over a microwave]''
:'''Peridot''': I just need some sort of leverage optimizer...
:'''Amethyst''': Leverage optimizer?
:'''Peridot''': That's what I said.
:'''Amethyst''': Ohhh! Ha! You mean you want a screwdriver? ''[laughing]''
:'''Peridot''': Do you have one or not?
:'''Steven''': Uh... ''[hands a screwdriver]'' Why don't you just use this one?
:'''Peridot''': Because it was outside my radius.
:'''Amethyst''': He-hey... Hey, Peridot... ''[points to her nose]'' What do you call this?
:'''Peridot''': A scent sponge.
:'''Steven''': Huh? ''[Amethyst laughs some more]''
:'''Amethyst''': Okay... ''[opens her eye]'' what's this?
:'''Peridot''': Vision sphere.
:'''Steven''': Peridot, that's—
:'''Amethyst''': Wait, wait, Steven! Peridot... ''[waves her fingers]'' these?
:'''Peridot''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Touch stumps.
:'''Amethyst''': ''[points to her foot]'' This?!
:'''Peridot''': Gravity connectors.
:'''Amethyst''': ''This''?!
:'''Peridot''': '''THAT'S YOUR BUTT!!!''' ''[Steven and Amethyst laugh out loud]''
:'''Steven''': Oh, man, Peridot, you're killing me!
:'''Peridot''': I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
:'''Amethyst''': No, no, no! You're funny!
:'''Peridot''': Funny?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': The strangest thing is, Amethyst... you think you have to listen to them! ''[laughs]'' You are the one they should put you in charge!
:'''Amethyst''': Ha! That's your best joke yet.
:'''Peridot''': No, really. Pearl is a Pearl. Garnet is a fusion. I don't even know what ''he's'' supposed to be.
:'''Steven''': Hey!
:'''Peridot''': You're the only Crystal Gem that's actually a Gem! 
:'''Amethyst''': Uh... ''[laughs nervously]'' What?
:'''Peridot''': You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you. You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact that you're defective.
:'''Amethyst''': ..Defective?
:'''Peridot''': Well, sure. You're small.
:'''Amethyst''': So?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. ''[points to Amethyst's hole]'' This— ''[runs to hole]'' This is the hole you came out of. Too small, too low, the exit marks look about 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm... this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!
:'''Steven''': Peridot... ''[Amethyst holds Steven on the shoulder]''
:'''Amethyst''': What was I supposed to look like?
:'''Peridot''': Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.
:'''Amethyst''': Are you saying I'm wrong?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[laughing]'' Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also... ''[snickers]'' funny! ''[Amethyst feels more enraged]''
:'''Steven''': Amethyst?
:'''Peridot''': Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off.
:''[Amethyst violently slashes the drill head off of an Injector with her whip]''
:'''Peridot''': See? Look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!
:'''Steven''': Amethyst? Are you okay?
:'''Amethyst''': Don't worry about it.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

:'''Pearl''': ''WE LEAVE FOR ONE SECOND AND EVERYTHING GOES OFF THE RAILS!''
:'''Garnet''': I blame the cows.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' &quot;''Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently &quot;hurt&quot; Amethyst's &quot;feelings&quot;, which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log.''&quot;

=== ''The Answer'' ===
:'''Sapphire''': My Diamond, I have arrived.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond spoke…
:'''Blue Diamond''': Sapphire, tell me what will happen here.
:'''Sapphire''': I foresee the rebels attacking the Cloud Arena. Before they are cornered, they will destroy the physical forms of seven gems, including two of my Ruby guards, and myself. Immediately after my form is destroyed, the rebels will be captured. The rebellion ends here.
:'''Blue Diamond''': Thank you, Sapphire.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond said, relieved.
:'''Blue Diamond''': That's all I needed to know.
:'''Sapphire''': I look forward to speaking with you again once I reform back on Homeworld.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rose''': ''[off-screen]'' Blue Diamond, leave this planet! This colony will ''not'' be completed!
:'''Ruby Guard''': It's the rebels!
:'''Various Gems''': Who are you?! Show yourselves!
:'''Rose''': ''[floating from above Pearl]'' We…
:'''Rose &amp; Pearl''': …are the Crystal Gems!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The attack was right on schedule.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' The furious crowd closed in around Ruby and Sapphire. They'd never seen fusion of two different types of gems.
:'''Various Gems''': Unbelievable! Disgusting! This is unheard of!
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Blue Diamond's voice cut through the crowd.
:'''Blue Diamond''': The rebels have fled. Sapphire, this is ''not'' the scenario you described.
:'''Sapphire''': This is… not what I saw! I don't know what happened, I…
:'''Ruby''': No! It was me!
:'''Blue Diamond''': Clearly.
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' Said Blue Diamond.
:'''Blue Diamond''': How dare you fuse with a member of my court?
:'''Ruby''': Forgive me, I…
:'''Blue Diamond''': You will be broken for this!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Both''': ''Where did we go, what did we do?''
:''I think we made something entirely new''
:''And it wasn't quite me and it wasn't quite you''
:''I think it was someone entirely new.''

:'''Ruby''': ''Oh, um''
:''Well, I just can't stop thinking''
:'''Sapphire''': ''So, um''
:''Did you say I was different?''

:'''Ruby''': ''And you hadn't before''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Of course not''
:''When would I have ever?''
:'''Ruby''': ''I'm so sorry''
:'''Sapphire''': ''No, no, don't be''
:'''Ruby''': ''And now you're here forever!''

:'''Sapphire''': ''What about you?''
:'''Ruby''': ''What about me?''
:'''Sapphire''': ''Well, you're here too''
:''We're here together.''

:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:'''Both''': ''Mm-m-m-m-mm, hm-m-m-m-m''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm''
:''Mm-m-m-m-mm...''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[narrating]'' I was back. I was someone and I didn't know who. But I felt I was getting the hang of my strange new form. ''[beat]'' And then I fell.
:'''Fusion''': Ahh! ''[tumbling down a hill and crashes in bushes]'' Ouch... ''[a sword is pointed to her face]'' Aahh! Don't hurt her! Don't hurt... me?
:''[pan up to see Pearl as the sword bearer]''
:'''Pearl''': It's you... the fusion.
:'''Fusion''': We didn't mean to fuse! Well... well, we did this time. We'll unfuse! We-we'll... w-we'll... ''[Rose Quartz comes by]''
:'''Rose''': No, no, please. I'm glad to see you again.
:'''Garnet''': And there they were—Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion and her terrifying renegade Pearl.
:'''Fusion''': I don't... upset you?
:'''Rose''': Who cares about how I feel? How ''you'' feel is bound to be much more interesting.
:'''Fusion''': How I feel? I-I feel... uh, lost... and scared... a-and happy. W-Why am I so sure that I'd rather be this than everything I was supposed to be, and that I'd rather do this than everything I was supposed to do? ''[Rose chuckles and smiles]''
:'''Rose''': Welcome to Earth.
:'''Fusion''': C-Can you tell me?! How was Ruby able to alter fate? Or, why was Sapphire willing to give up everything? W-What am I?!
:'''Rose''': No more questions. Don't ''ever'' question this. You already are the answer.
:''[Flashback story ends as Garnet concludes]''
:'''Steven''': So…what was it? The answer?
:'''Garnet''': ''[whispers]'' Love.
:'''Steven''': Wow… I knew it.
:'''Garnet''': So did I.

=== ''Steven's Birthday'' ===
:''[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]''
:'''Steven''': Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—
:''[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]''
:'''Amethyst''': What are you doing?!
:'''Steven''': ''[stammers]'' U-uh— well, what are ''[ages back]'' you doing?
:'''Greg''': What are ''you'' doing to your body?!
:'''Amethyst''': Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!
:'''Steven''': No! I was just... slouching.
:'''Greg''': Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
:'''Steven''': Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
:'''Amethyst''': Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!
:'''Greg''': ''[sighs]'' Steven...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Garnet''': ''[trying to cheer up baby Steven but fails]'' My power means nothing to an infant.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down baby Steven]''
:'''Connie''': How can the Gems not know what to do?!
:'''Greg''': You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.
:'''Connie''': But, how do we change him back?!
:'''Greg''': I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
:''[Connie turns to baby Steven babbling and crying]''
:'''Connie''': W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.
:'''Greg''': Are you sure?
:'''Connie''': Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? ''[baby Steven holds onto her finger; coos happily]''
:'''Greg''': Look at that! He finally stopped crying.
:'''Connie''': Well, that's a start. ''[Amethyst clears her throat]''
:'''Greg''': What's up, Amethyst?
:'''Amethyst''': Baby Steven needs changin'.

=== ''It Could've Been Great'' ===
:'''Steven''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth''
:''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

:''Whoahh, come on and sing it with me''
:'''Peridot''': Sing?
:'''Steven''': ''The words relate to the key''
:'''Peridot''': Key?
:'''Steven''': ''If it's a pattern, if it's a pattern''
:''Then just repeat after me.''

:''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Peridot''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:'''Steven''': ''Now using mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!''
:'''Both''': ''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''
:'''Steven''': Yes, yes! That's it!
:'''Peridot''': That's so easy.
:'''Steven''': Yeah, but that's what's fun about it! You should write something, you should write a song.
:'''Peridot''': About what?
:'''Steven''': Whatever you're thinking.
&lt;hr width=25% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''I guess we're already here, I guess we already know''
:''We've all got something to fear, we've all got nowhere to go''
:''I think you're all '''insane''', but I guess I am too''
:''Anybody would be if they were stuck on Earth with you.''

:'''Steven''': ''[laughing]'' Yes! ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Amethyst''': ''Life and death and love and birth and''
:'''Pearl''': ''Life and death and love and birth''
:''And peace and war on the planet Earth.''

:'''Garnet''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Steven''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:'''Peridot''': ''Is there anything that's worth more''
:''Than peace and love on the planet Earth?''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Peridot brings up a hologram of Earth, which starts eroding to a hollowed-out version with a ring system as Steven and the Gems awe in shock]''
:'''Peridot''': Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine Kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking shutting this operation down?! It could've been great!
:'''Garnet''': No! You're wrong! 
:'''Peridot''': What do you mean? It's perfect. Look at it!
:'''Pearl''': We ''are'' looking at it.
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, this plan stinks! 
:'''Garnet''': Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!
:'''Peridot''': But think of the good it would've done! The Gems that would've been made are empire expanded! 
:'''Pearl''': Rose Quartz believed all life was precious and ''worth'' protecting.
:'''Peridot''': Well, if she wanted to protect it, she did a lousy job! There'd be no Cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony! Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth! So thank you, Rose Quartz, you doomed the planet!
:''[Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst stare angrily at Peridot for a beat]''
:'''Steven''': Ohh-hoh-hoh! ''[nervously]'' Is there anything that's worth more than— ''[Garnet picks up Peridot]''
:'''Garnet''': You listen to me now. ''[summons gauntlet]'' You were talking about things that you do ''not'' understand.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Stop, please! It's not worth it. We're done here. Let's just go home.
:''[Garnet drops Peridot on the seat and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet and the hologram dissipates; the Gems start leaving soon after. Steven sighs]''
:'''Peridot''': What'd I say? I'm just stating a fact. The rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.
:'''Steven''': ''[sighs]'' That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousands of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe you finally understood why.

=== ''Message Received'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Wait! I— I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You already have.
:'''Peridot''': ''[nervously]'' No, I mean... The reason I called – the ''real'' reason... I believe we should terminate the Cluster.
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ...''Why?''
:'''Peridot''': The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world. We can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize the planet without disrupting the local—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.
:'''Peridot''': What?
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to ''die''. Just make that happen.
:'''Peridot''': ...No!
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Huh?!
:'''Yellow Diamond''': Are you questioning my authority?
:'''Peridot''': I'm questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.
:'''Yellow Pearl''': Well! ''[Yellow Diamond stands up]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You are out of line.
:'''Peridot''': I just think—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence, and you would do well to—
:'''Peridot''': But—
:'''Yellow Diamond''': ''Shut your mouth!!'' ''[beat]'' You have failed at every stage of this mission! Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order: You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps! ''Is that clear?!''
:'''Peridot''': I won't do it!! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting! ''[Steven smiles]''
:'''Yellow Diamond''': What do you know about the Earth?!
:'''Peridot''': ''[losing her temper]'' APPARENTLY MORE THAN ''YOU'', YOU... &lt;big&gt;'''''CLOD!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Yellow Diamond suddenly becomes incredibly livid at a petrified Peridot]'' Uhh... Peridot out.
:''[She terminates communication; Steven and the Gems come out from hiding and happily congratulate Peridot]''
:'''Steven''': That was AMAZING! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[sweating and looking devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...
:'''Steven''': I was so wrong about being so wrong about you! 
:'''Peridot''': ''[still sweating and devastated]'' I can't believe I just did that...!
:'''Garnet''': You thought you could change her mind. 
:'''Amethyst''': Yellow D got torn down by the &quot;Peridactyl&quot;!
:'''Peridot''': ''[sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl]'' Can one of you take this? 
:'''Pearl''': Why? 
:'''Peridot''': Because it can be remotely detonated. 
:''[The communicator starts to glow red; Steven and the Gems panic while Peridot curls up into a ball on the ground]'' 
:'''Pearl''': How do we stop it?!
:'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!
:'''Pearl''': Err, here, Amethyst! ''[passes it to her]''
:'''Amethyst''': ''WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?!''
:''[She throws it to Steven, who bubbles it; Garnet punches it away into the sky, where it explodes harmlessly]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[still curled up]'' I thought I could reason with her... 
:'''Amethyst''': ''[grinning]'' Yeah, you ''REALLY'' made her mad. 
:'''Pearl''': ''[smiling]'' And then you insulted her to her face. 
:'''Steven''': ''[overjoyed]'' Do you know what this means?! 
:'''Peridot''': I'm a traitor to my Homeworld. 
:'''Steven''': ''You're a Crystal Gem!!!'' ''[hugs Peridot]'' 
:'''Garnet''': ''[smiling]'' Whether you like it or not. 
:''[Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out to the whole of Earth]''

=== ''Log Date 7 15 2'' ===
:'''Peridot''': Log date 7 15 2. I can't believe I just did that! I disobeyed my orders and went against Yellow Diamond's wishes! I'm a traitorous clod! I never want to think about what I've done again! ''[stops recording, rewinds and plays the recording; laughs madly]'' And I called Yellow Diamond a clod! Right to her face! ''[falls to her knees]'' I called Yellow Diamond a clod. ''Right to her face.''
:'''Steven''': Uh, Peridot? Are you going to be okay?
:'''Peridot''': ''[enthusiastically with a deranged smile]'' No!
:'''Steven''': It's all going to work out. You're with us now.
:'''Peridot''': You don't understand! I'm protecting a planet I was once trying to destroy! I used to follow every order, every rule. Now I'm a traitor. ''[cringes]'' A rebel! ''[eyes turn to stars] '''A CRYSTAL GEMMMMMMMMMMMM....''' ''[snickers]''
:'''Steven''': Well, that tape recorder seems to be helping.
:'''Peridot''': '''NO IT'S NOT!''' ''[throws recorder at Garnet, who had just entered]'' It's a chronicle of my descent into madness!!!
:'''Garnet''': ''[holding out recorder to Peridot]'' You dropped this.
:'''Peridot''': Get it away from me! Give it to Steven. Return madness to its source!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Log Date 7 11 2. The Steven has given me this Earth machine to replace my communicator log. It looks…extremely primitive. He also said he wanted me to stop calling him, &quot;The Steven.&quot;
:'''Steven''': It's just &quot;Steven.&quot;
:'''Peridot''': I said I'd call him whatever I want. ''[hisses viciously at him; Steven holds up his finger in her face]'' He told me that was rude.
:'''Steven''': Rude.
:'''Peridot''': I guess I'll him, &quot;Steven.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Peridot''': Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one... ''[sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up]'' ...eludes me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': &quot;Jokes.&quot; ''[opens up the joke book; clears throat]'' &quot;Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken wanted to get to the other side of the road.&quot; ''[laughs]'' What's a chicken?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peridot''': ''[recorder]'' Hour 78 of ''Camp Pining Hearts''. ''[saying Percy's line]'' It's the colour war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
:'''Steven''': Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
:'''Peridot''': I've just been... watching your previously recorded entertainment.
:'''Steven''': Is that the same episode from three days ago?
:'''Peridot''': There's more than one?
:'''Steven''': Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. ''[reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]''
:'''Peridot''': Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
:'''Steven''': Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.
:'''Peridot''': Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre—Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
:'''Steven''': You got all this from one episode?
:'''Peridot''': It's ''{{w|subtext}}'', Steven. Allow me to explain. ''[cut back to recorder held by Steven]'' &quot;''Well, first of all...''&quot;
:'''Steven''': Ugh, I remember this part.
:''[Steven fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]''
:'''Peridot''': And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! ''[Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; Peridot tears up her chart angrily]'' ''GRAHHH!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Steven fast-forwards the tape recorder]''
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Okay, go.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Log date seven fourteen two.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' No, you say it seven one-''four'' two! ''[groans]'' Log date 7 14 2. I have attempted a fusion with the fusion Garnet. I had hoped to gain a better understanding of fusion. Instead, I gained a better understanding of Garnet.
:'''Garnet''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, keep it on a moment. Steven, you probably shouldn't have listened to Peridot's logs, but I know your curiosity comes from a place of caring. You should give the recorder back to her now. She's going to want to keep it.
:'''Peridot''': ''[thru recorder]'' Wait, what?

[[Category:Steven Universe seasons]]</text>
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    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Smash Mouth</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>197919</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3145954</id>
      <parentid>2985977</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T13:09:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3194" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Smashmouth.jpg|thumb|Smash Mouth]]
'''[[w:Smash Mouth|Smash Mouth]]''' is an American [[w:Rock music|rock]] band from [[w:San Jose, California|San Jose, California]]. The band was formed in 1994, and was originally composed of [[w:Steve Harwell|Steve Harwell]] (lead vocals), Kevin Coleman (drums), [[w:Greg Camp|Greg Camp]] (guitar), and [[w:Paul De Lisle|Paul De Lisle]] (bass).

== Song lyrics ==
:All tracks are written by Greg Camp, except where noted.

=== ''{{W|Fush Yu Mang}}'' (1997) ===
* Don't delay, act now — supplies are running out!&lt;br&gt;Allow, if you're still alive, six to eight years to arrive.&lt;br&gt;And if you follow, there may be a tomorrow&lt;br&gt;But if the offer's shunned,&lt;br&gt;You might as well be walking on the sun.
** &quot;{{W|Walkin' on the Sun}}&quot;

=== ''{{W|Astro Lounge}}'' (1999) ===
* Somebody once told me, the world is gonna roll me&lt;br&gt; I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.&lt;br&gt;She was looking kinda dumb, with her finger and her thumb &lt;br&gt;In the shape of an &quot;L&quot; on her forehead.&lt;br&gt;'''Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming.
** &quot;{{W|All Star (song)|All Star}}&quot;

* Hey now, you're an all star&lt;br&gt; Get your game on, go play&lt;br&gt;Hey now, you're a rock star&lt;br&gt; Get the show on, get paid&lt;br&gt; And all that glitters is gold&lt;br&gt; Only shooting stars break the mold.
** &quot;{{W|All Star (song)|All Star}}&quot;

* And the world's a stage&lt;br&gt;(And the world's a faze)&lt;br&gt;And the end is near&lt;br&gt;So push rewind, just in time&lt;br&gt;Thank anybody&lt;br&gt;You're gonna do it again.&lt;p&gt;The way that you walk&lt;br&gt;It's just the way that you talk&lt;br&gt;Like it ain't no thing.&lt;br&gt;And every single day is just a fling&lt;br&gt;Then the morning comes.
** &quot;{{W|Then the Morning Comes}}&quot;, written by Greg Camp and [[w:Paul Barry (songwriter)|Paul Barry]]

* Come on, come on and tell me why you're staring.&lt;br&gt;Come on, come on it must be what I'm wearing.&lt;br&gt;Come on, come on and tell me,&lt;br&gt;Why's it taking so long for you to recognize and stop?
** &quot;{{W|Come On, Come On (Smash Mouth song)|Come On, Come On}}&quot;, written by Greg Camp and Steve Harwell

=== ''{{W|Summer Girl}}'' (2006) ===
* I'm just your average ordinary everyday superhero&lt;br&gt;Trying to save the world, but never really sure.&lt;br&gt;I'm just your average ordinary everyday superhero,&lt;br&gt;Nothing more than that, that's all I really am.
** &quot;Everyday Superhero&quot;, written by Greg Camp and Paul Barry

* Have you looked at the stop watch lately?&lt;br&gt;When was the last time you clocked-in?&lt;br&gt;There is a race to be run and a song to be sung&lt;br&gt;There is a fine line wearing thin.&lt;p&gt;So don't look back, the past has past.&lt;br&gt;The future is coming fast.&lt;br&gt;You better make room, we're coming through&lt;br&gt;Loud and clear.
** &quot;{{W|So Insane}}&quot;, written by Greg Camp and Paul De Lisle

* Hey that's the story of my life&lt;br&gt;I had a good plan but it didn't go right&lt;br&gt;Oh no I'm overdrawn&lt;br&gt;I check my account and the money's all gone&lt;br&gt;Why me? I don't know what to think&lt;br&gt;I finally get aboard and the whole boat sinks&lt;br&gt;Seems to be the story of my life.
** &quot;{{W|Story of My Life (Smash Mouth song)|Story of My Life}}&quot;, written by Greg Camp and Paul Barry

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:American bands]]
[[Category:Alternative rock]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Josh Hawley</title>
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      <text bytes="6608" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Josh Hawley.jpg|thumb|Josh Hawley]]
'''[[w:Josh Hawley|Joshua David Hawley]]''' (born December 31, 1979) is an American attorney and politician who has been the junior [[United States Senate|United States Senator]] from [[w:Missouri|Missouri]] since 2019. From 2017 to 2019, Hawley was the [[w:Attorney General of Missouri|Attorney General of Missouri]].

== Quotes ==
* I think the answer is that the case stands for the proposition that business people who feel that their faith is being burdened, that they get to come into court and have their day at court and make this argument. So, you cannot keep them out of court just because they’re business folks. And that is going to apply to everybody from the cake baker, to kosher butchers, to halal food distributors, across the board. Now, how those future cases will come out will depend on the specific facts of the case, of course. But I think that the general proposition here is a really, really important one. And that is that you do not give up your religious liberty right if you choose to start a business.
** [http://mbcpathway.com/2014/06/30/interview-hobby-lobby-attorney-joshua-hawley/ Interview with Hobby Lobby attorney Joshua Hawley] (June 30, 2014)

* I said I would be part of the solution in Jefferson City, not part of the problem. And I said I’d take on the culture of corruption, I think this shows that we’re serious about it. This is the first thing I’ve done in this office.
** [http://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article125777279.html Missouri Attorney General Josh Hawley announces new ethics policy](January 11, 2017)

* The D.C. career crowd just keeps on doing the same old thing, And you know, the system works pretty well for them – they’re connected. But here in Missouri, we know too many people who can’t get a job. Or if they’ve got a job they can’t get a raise. Farmers are hurting and that means farm kids can’t come home. And as for healthcare and taxes – they just keep going up. Erin and I have decided we have to do something about it. And that’s why next year I’m going to run for the United States Senate. This isn’t something we were planning to do. But we believe we have to do all we can to win a better future for our country. Senator McCaskill – she’s been in D.C. forever. She’s turned her back on farmers. She’s ignored working families. She’s been wrong on every Supreme Court nominee for the last 11 years. She doesn’t represent us. It’s time to do something new. America is an exceptional place, and it’s still a young country. Its future is worth fighting for. So let’s get ready and do our part.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E1AWV3zXCk Here in Missouri] (October 9, 2017)

* I will never apologise for giving voice to the millions of Missourians and Americans who have concerns about the integrity of our elections. That's my job, and I will keep doing it.
**In a statement defending his decision to challenge the results of the [[2020 United States presidential election]]. Cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jan/12/josh-hawley-fanned-flames-diehard-trump-voters Josh Hawley fanned the flames for diehard Trump voters. Will his gambit pay off?] by J. Oliver Conroy in ''The Guardian'' (12 January 2021)

* The alliance of leftists and woke capitalists hoped to regulate the innermost thoughts of every American, from school age to retirement.
**[https://nypost.com/2021/01/24/its-time-to-stand-up-against-the-muzzling-of-america/ Sen. Hawley: It’s time to stand up against the muzzling of America], [[New York Post]] (24 January 2021)

* In every single child porn case for which we can find records, [[Judge Jackson]] deviated from the federal sentencing guidelines in favor of child porn offenders
** [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/fact-check-judge-ketanji-brown-jackson-child-porn/story?id=83565833 Fact check: Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson child porn sentences 'pretty mainstream'] (21 March 2022)

* No turning back now. Roe must be overruled
:*[https://www.politico.com/news/2022/05/03/congress-supreme-court-abortion-reactions-00029682 Collins, Manchin and other lawmakers react to the Supreme Court draft opinion] (Updated: 05/03/2022 03:11 PM EDT)

==Quotes about Hawley==
* We did not come to this decision lightly. As a publisher it will always be our mission to amplify a variety of voices and viewpoints. At the same time we take seriously our larger public responsibility as citizens, and cannot support Senator Hawley after his role in what became a dangerous threat.
**Statement from [[w:Simon and Schuster|Simon and Schuster]] after they cancelled a book deal with Hawley in the aftermath of the [[2021 storming of the United States Capitol]]. Cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/news/simon-schuster-book-deal-josh-hawley-capitol-riots-b1789313.html Simon &amp; Schuster publicly severs ties with right-wing senator Josh Hawley after Capitol riots – but will still profit from book sales] by Annabel Nugent in ''The Independent'' (19 January 2021)

* For somebody who claims he's been consistently muzzled, Hawley is somehow in my face in major media outlets all the time. I would think muzzling would mean I wouldn't have to listen to this treason weasel anymore, but apparently not.
**[[w:Elizabeth Spiers|Elizabeth Spiers]], in response to an article by Hawley on the front of the [[New York Post]] alleging that America was being 'muzzled' by [[w:cancel culture|cancel culture]]. Cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jan/25/josh-hawley-school-yearbook-2024-republican-run 'Josh Hawley, president 2024': school yearbook indicates long-held ambition] by Martin Pengelly in ''The Guardian'' (25 January 2021)

* Josh Hawley is a bitch and he ran like a bitch.
** US Capitol Police officer [[w:Michael Fanone|Michael Fanone]] on the video of Hawley running away from the January 6 riot [https://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article263724078.html Josh Hawley’s response to being mocked for the Jan. 6 running video? Fundraising off it.]

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://joshhawley.com Campaign website]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hawley, Josh}}
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Lawyers from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Arkansas]]
[[Category:People from Missouri]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]
[[Category:Nationalists]]
[[Category:Presbyterians from the United States]]
[[Category:1979 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Stanford University alumni]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Loud House/Season 1</title>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[The Loud House/Season 1|1]] [[The Loud House/Season 2|2]] [[The Loud House/Season 3|3]] [[The Loud House/Season 4|4]] [[The Loud House/Season 5|5]] [[The Loud House/Season 6|6]] | [[The Loud House|Main]]
----

'''''{{w|The Loud House}}''''' (2016–present) is an American [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] created by [[w:Chris Savino|Chris Savino]] for [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.

==Episode 1==
===''Left in the Dark (1.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': ''[marks calendar]'' It's finally here: the live season finale of the GREATEST! SHOW! ''EVER!'' ''[to viewers]'' All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself: &quot;Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.&quot; And you'd be right; every Sunday at eight it's the same thing. ''[flashback of his sisters fighting over the remote]'' But tonight, I have a plan.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucy''': Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold and tormented and mysterious. Sigh. If only he wasn't from another century...
:'''Lincoln''': ''[gets an idea]'' Another century! That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll just go watch my show on Dad's crummy old ''black and white'' TV.
:'''Lucy''': Black and white are my favorite colors.
:'''Lincoln''': Yeah, it'll make watching my show a little bit more... ''spooky!''
:'''Lucy''': Spooky is also my favorite color.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Many of the Loud kids murmur in confusion about the power outage.]''
:'''Lori''': All right! All right! Everybody just calm down!
:'''Leni''': Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!
:'''Lori''': No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?
:'''Lincoln''': I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out.
:'''Lori''': Of course it was your fault, Lincoln.
:''[All the other sisters complain about what their brother did.]''
:'''Lincoln''': What? All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!
:''[The sisters still won't listen to their brother.]''
:'''Luan''': Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! [laughs as her siblings sigh] Get it? Get it?
:'''Lisa''': That one was so good, it deserves a cookie. [hands her one]
:'''Luan''': &quot;Oh, thanks. [eats it] &quot;So anyway, what did one light bulb say to the other? [suddenly starts glowing]
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Clyde enters the room]''
:'''Clyde''': Cadet Clyde reporting for duty! ''[notices Lori]'' L-L-Lori? Red alert. Red alert. Does not compute. Circuit overload. Must abort mission. ''[leaves]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[to the viewers]'' I told you it gets awkward.

===''Get the Message (1.2)''===
:'''Lana''': No running in the hallway!
:'''Lincoln''': Huh? What are you talking about?
:'''Lola''': Lana, is this maggot giving you lip? ''[writes a ticket]''
:'''Lana''': We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home.
:''[They stick the ticket to Lincoln's head with gum]''
:'''Lola''': If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes.
:'''Luan''': ''[in a cardboard jail cell]'' Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months! ''[laughs]'' Get it?
:'''Lola''': That's five more minutes, dirtbag!
:'''Lincoln''': Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear.&quot;
:'''Lana''': NO SWEARING!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Clyde, what have I done?! I called Lori a ''[a guitar riff is heard over his voice]'' when she's actually a ''[harp strings are heard]''!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lori''': ''[plucking her nose, while talking to Bobby]'' If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little-- ''[notices Lincoln's letter on the floor]'' What's this? ''[picks it up and reads it]'' &quot;Why Lori is the worst sister ever&quot;?! Bobby, I gotta go. I'm gonna turn Lincoln into a human pretzel! ''[Lincoln is scratching his head and jumps in shocked as Lori burst out of the bathroom with the letter on her hand showing the letter to him]'' LINCOLN! WHAT IS THIS?!
:'''Lincoln''': Well, it's time to do the official dance of the Loud House: the Running Man! ''[puts on his new googles and starts to dance away from Lori's wrath]''
:'''Lori''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA-- ''[Luna emerges, censoring Lori's rant of rage with her rock music]''

==Episode 2==
===''Heavy Meddle (2.1)''===
:'''Lynn''': ''[carrying a boy]'' I found him!
:''[the Loud sisters surround the boy Lynn is carrying]''
:'''Lori''': How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that.
:'''Gordon''': Not anymore!

===''Making the Case (2.2)''===
:''[Outside the Loud House, Lincoln comes back depressed]''
:'''Lincoln''': I sure hope that worked. ''[opens the door only to find out that his sisters are STILL furious]'' It ''didn't'' work.
:'''Lori''': ''[sternly]'' Lincoln...
:'''Lincoln''': ''[apologetically]'' I know I embarrassed you and I can't undo it, and I'm sorry, but the least I could do was embarrass myself right along with you, that way we'd all be even!
:'''Lynn''': Even? You think this makes us even?
:'''Lincoln''': Well, I was trying to-
:'''Lynn''': Yours was way worse!
:'''Lori''': ''[cheerfully]'' Yeah! That video was hysterical!
:''[The girls surround Lincoln and ensure him that they forgive him]''
:'''Lincoln''': So, we're good?
:'''Lucy''': We're good...brother.
:'''Luan''': Sorry you didn't win the trophy.
:'''Lori''': But we really appreciate what you did and thought you deserved something. ''[hands him a tiny trophy]''
:'''Lincoln''': Wow. Thanks, guys.
:''[Lola and Lynn hug him and Luna pats him on the head; he runs to the case and places the trophy in his spot]''
:'''Lincoln''': Most Improved Brother. ''[to the viewers]'' I did it. My sisters no longer despise me, Cristina's switching classes, and I finally made the case.
:''[Another flatulent sound occurs and the other girls look at Lori suspiciously]''
:'''Lori''': It was my shoe!
:'''Tommy StickFigure''': ''[lividly]'' That trophy Lincoln has is junk! You know what I think? ''[slams the Most Improved Brother trophy on the ground, breaking it]'' That's what I think!
:'''Lincoln''': Thank You!
:'''Tommy StickFigure''': Anytime!

==Episode 3==
===''Driving Miss Hazy (3.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': Okay, first, fasten your seat belt.
:''[Lola puts her beauty pageant sashes on them to simulate the seat belts]''
:'''Leni''': That was easy.
:'''Lincoln''': Next, check your mirrors.
:'''Leni''': Why?! Do I look bad?!
:'''Lincoln''': No no no! No! I meant-
:'''Leni''': Stop the car! I can't drive in this hideous condition! ''[comes back now wearing a helmet]'' That's better.
:'''Lincoln''': ''[sighs]'' Lesson 12: Avoiding road hazards. There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?
:''[Lily, in a squirrel costume, speaks squirrel language]'' 
:'''Leni''': Aahhhhhhhhh!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': This is a brake pedal. What does the brake pedal do? ''[beat]'' White shoes after [[wikipedia:Labor Day|Labor Day]]!
:'''Leni''': Ew, stop!
:'''Lincoln''': Exactly. This is the gas pedal. What does the gas pedal do? ''[beat]'' Boots from the 60's.
:'''Leni''': [[wikipedia:Go-go boot|Go-go]]!

===''No Guts, No Glori (3.2)''===
:'''Lincoln''': ''[drinking lemonade]'' Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game. ''[gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it.]'' Love that new game smell. ''[Suddenly picks up another scent; one that worries him]'' Wait a minute. ''[sniffs again]'' Is that...Oh no!
:''[Soon, his sisters start picking up the scent as well]''
:'''Lucy''': Sniff. Sniff.
:'''Lincoln''': Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing. ''[checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is...]'' Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!
:'''Rita''': Lori's in charge, do what she says, bye! ''[leaves]''
:'''Lincoln''': NOOOOOOOOO! She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-
:'''Lori''': [from upstairs] NO! ''[unplugs Luna's amplifiers]'' NO MUSIC! ''[tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash]'' NO MUD PIES! ''[approaches Leni who's talking on the phone] NO-
:'''Leni''': Way! That's totes cray cray.
:'''Lori''': ''[hangs up Leni's call]'' No phone calls. AND NO VIDEO GAMES! ''[takes away Lincoln's game]''

==Episode 4==
===''The Sweet Spot (4.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': The back row is so far away from Mom and Dad, that it turns into the wild, wild west.
:''[Flashback; Lola and Lana look at each other angrily while Lincoln is seen with a comic book and soda between them]''
:'''Lola''': Stop looking at me.
:'''Lana''': You stop looking at me!
:''[Lola and Lana fight near Lincoln; The fight stops shortly with Lincoln looking messy]''
:'''Lincoln''': Come on! We haven't even left the driveway yet!
:'''Little Miss Livid''': NECKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
:''[Miss Livid grabs the twins by the necks, strangling them]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[crying over the destruction of Vanzilla caused by the siblings fighting over the best seat of Vanzilla]'' That was my first car, and my dad's first car, and ''his'' dad's first car!
:'''Rita''': Alright, everyone, back inside! The road trip is off! You're all going to spend this weekend sitting together in the living room until you learn to get along!

===''A Tale of Two Tables (4.2)''===
:'''Lana''': Hey, Lincoln, do you like seafood? ''[sticks his tongue out to show [[wikipedia:Bolus (digestion)|chewed food]] See? Food. Bleh!
:'''Lola''': Hey, Lucy! ''[puts fries on outside of her mouth as if they were vampire fangs]'' I vant to suck your blood!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Can I have my dinner in peace?
:'''Lana''': Did you say &quot;peas&quot;?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you- ''[flatulence]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Lincoln Loud, that is enough!

==Episode 5==
===''Project Loud House (5.1)''===
:'''Lisa''': ''[with a first aid ointment]'' Here's the antidote.
:'''Lincoln''': Thank you! ''[suspicious]'' Wait a second... 
:''[He tests it on Walt the bird, who suddenly puffs up like a blimp]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[annoyed]'' The ''real'' antidote?
:'''Lisa''': Fine. Hairless apes: two, science: zero. ''[gives him the actual antidote and goes to the car]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[hands it to a relieved Leni]'' Here.
:'''Lucy''': ''[reads one of her poems]'' Failure. It's all your fault, this streak of bad luck. No escape from this cycle in which you are stuck.
:'''Lincoln''': Stop! I've got a poem for you now, it's called &quot;Lucy&quot;! Dark as night, hair like tar. Take your spooky self to the car.
:'''Lucy''': Sigh. Once again, your poetic brilliance has put me to shame.

===''In Tents Debate (5.2)''===
:''[the Loud sisters complain about their vacation campsite]''
:'''Lynn''': That place is the worst! Bears always steal our food!
:''[Lily roars like a bear]''
:'''Leni''': And we have to sleep on the hard ground!
:'''Lola''': And poop in the woods!
:'''Lana''': I like pooping in the woods.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lincoln runs out of his room screaming in pain from sunburn]''
:'''Lincoln''': News flash: giving me a sunburn is NOT the way to win my vote!
:'''Lori''': Huh? ''[peels the label from the sunscreen bottle]'' &quot;[[wikipedia:Sodium hypochlorite|Sodium hydrochlorite]]: avoid contact with skin?&quot; This has Lisa written all over it!
:'''Leni''': So, ''that's'' how you spell &quot;Lisa&quot;?

==Episode 6==
===''Sound of Silence (6.1)''===
:''[flashback: Lola tries to apply mascara when a frog croaks from behind her and makes her mess up]''
:'''Lana''': Aw, you're a burpy-durpy today! Isn't he the cutest?
:'''Lola''': ''[chuckling menacingly under a wicked grin]'' So cute...
:'''Lana''': ''[about to feed the frog]'' Who's hungry? ''[notices he's missing]'' Seymour? Where'd you go? ''[sees Lola whistling and carrying a shovel]'' Nooo!! ''[end flashback]''
:'''Lana''': I mean I can't prove she took out Seymour, but I never saw him again.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[comes into Lincoln's room]'' Lincoln, is this too much mascara? Be honest. It's super-super-super important!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[having muted Lola out]'' Ahh... I couldn't agree more!
:'''Lola''': ''[confused]'' Agree with what?
:'''Lincoln''': Right back at ya!
:'''Lola''': Okay, you're weird.

===''Space Invader (6.2)''===
:''[Lincoln goes up to Lynn and Lucy's room where the other girls are listening; Lynn and Lucy are having a fight]''
:'''Lynn''': You're always Miss Gloom and Doom! Like, would it kill you to smile once in a while?!
:'''Lucy''': It would.
:'''Lincoln''': What's going on?
:'''Lori''': Lucy and Lynn are going at it. Again.
:'''Luan''': I'd make a joke about fighting, but I can't think of a good punchline. ''[laughs]'' Get it? Get it?
:'''Lisa''': ''[recording]'' Human subjects seem to be proving Charles Darwin correct.
:'''Leni''': I can't bare to watch! ''[puts cucumber slices over her facial mask]'' That's better.
:''[A jock strap comes flying out of the room and the others duck in time to avoid it]''
:'''Lori''': I'd hate to get in the middle of this one.
:'''Lincoln''': I totally agree.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lynn and Lucy grab some spaghetti and start to fight with it]''
:'''Lincoln''': Uh-oh.
:''[they start fighting for amusement and laughing, and Lincoln joins in]''
:'''Lori''': Welp, I'm outskies.
:'''Luan''': Yeah, it's way ''pasta'' our bedtime.

==Episode 7==
===''Picture Perfect (7.1)''===
:'''Lincoln:''' I've figured out the perfect present for Mom and Dad! ''[holds up camera]'' Ta-da!
:'''Lana:''' You're giving them Dad's old camera?
:'''Lola:''' Wow, you ''are'' cheap!
:'''Lincoln:''' No, not the camera; a photograph of all of us!
:'''Lori:''' Why use that old thing when you can just use a cellphone?
:'''Lincoln:''' Because that would be like painting the Mona Lisa with a crayon.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The girls are offended by Lincoln making them look normal]''
:'''Lori''': So, that's what this is all about! You don't like us the way we are.
:'''Lincoln''': Well you see, that is to say--
:'''Lori''': Okay, guys, let's all put on perfect smiles for Lincoln's perfect picture, because heaven forbid we be our actual ''literal'' selves!

===''Undie Pressure (7.2)''===
:''[Luna is listening to the radio and listens to an announcement.]''
:'''Jay Rock''': ''[over the radio]'' Hey, cats and kittens, this is Jay Rock here! I'm giving away Mick Swagger tickets to the caller with... the best British accent!
:''[Hearing this, Luna's eyes widen. She looks back and forth, slinks away to behind the curtains. and calls the radio station on her phone.]
:'''Jay Rock''': ''[on the phone]'' Hello, you're on the air! Let's hear your best British accent.
:'''Luna''': ''[whispering; in a British accent]'' Come on, love, hand over those tickets.
:'''Jay Rock''': Yeah, sorry, caller, I can't hear you!
:'''Luna''': ''[whispering, slightly louder]'' Come on, love, hand over those tickets!
:'''Jay Rock''': If you don't speak up, you can't win!
:'''Luna''': ''[shouting]'' HAND OVER THE BLEEDIN' TICKETS, MATE! 
:''[Lincoln opens the curtains to reveal Luna to the other sisters.]'' 
:'''Luna''': ''[sheepishly in a Swedish accent]'' Herdie-verdie? 
:''[Buzzer noise]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[eyes beneath hair]'' You may have outlasted those amateurs, but now you've gotta deal with a real professional! ''[dramatic spotlight is cast on Lola, revealing that her face is messy]''
:'''Lincoln''': I'M NOT GIVING UP! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS COMFORTABLE! ''[snaps the seat of his leggings, giving him pain]'' Ugh, gotta do something about these pants.

==Episode 8==
===''Linc or Swim (8.1)''===
:''[Lincoln finally jumps in, but the lifeguard blows her whistle and catches Lincoln with a skimmer]''
:'''Lifeguard''': Loud family, out!
:''[the Loud kids leave the pool]''
:'''Lori''': But we were just having fun.
:'''Lily''': Poo-poo.
:'''Lifeguard''': Fecal incidents are not fun.
''[people in [[wikipedia:Hazmat suit|hazmat suits]] scrub the walls of the emptied pool to get rid of Lily's &quot;poo-poo&quot;]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The girls are having a pool party right in their backyard while Lily is streaking]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[chasing her with her diaper]'' Lily! No skinny dipping! ''[gets splashed by Lynn and sees Lisa adding some kind of chemical]'' Lisa! No! What do you think you're doing?
:'''Lisa''': Testing sanitation levels. I've concocted a special serum that will detect and eliminate urine, AKA tinkle, in H2O.
:'''Lincoln''': I'm sure no one here would...
:''[Lisa adds the serum, which vaporizes the water into a pink smoke within seconds, revealing that her older sisters somehow tinkled in the pool]''
:'''Lisa''': Hmm... unprecedented levels.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luan''': Okay, this time, instead of Marco Polo, why don't we just use our real names?
:'''Leni''': Okay! So I'm... ''[sees her brother]'' Lincoln?
:'''Luan''': Boy, you really don't get this game at all, do ya? Oh! Hey, Linc!
:'''Lincoln''': Hey, guys... what's all this?
:'''Lori''': Well little bro, you had such a good idea in buying YOUR pool, we decided to...
:'''Luan''': ...POOL our money to get this one!

===''Changing the Baby (8.2)''===
:'''Lincoln''': Hey, Lana, you wanna try half of my peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich?
:'''Lana''': I eat some grody things, but that is disgusting. ''[sniffs it and retches; runs to the bathroom]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Leni''': Help! ''[Lori and Lincoln rush to her rescue and see her in Lily's crib]'' Oh, thank goodness. I got in here to show Lily my fashion magazine, but now I can't get out of this baby prison! ''[bawls like a baby, so Lincoln and Lori help her out]'' Agoo.

==Episode 9==

===''Overnight Success (9.1)''===

:'''Lola''': ''[barges in with a makeup kit]'' Princess Makeover Time! ''[sees Lincoln's friend Liam]'' Ooh, a new toad! ''[she gives him a full makeover against his will, and Liam runs out the house]
:'''Liam''': Huh? Aah! I look like my MeeMaw!
:'''Lola''': Some people just don't appreciate beauty. I made your eyes pop, kid!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lori''': Okay, who wants pizza bites?
:'''Clyde''': Abort, abort, system shutting down.
:'''Leni''': Sheesh! Are there peanuts in ''everything?!''
''[Peanut Butter Jar hits Leni with a club]''
:'''Leni''': Ow!
:'''Peanut Butter Jar''': No! You idiot!
===''Ties That Bind (9.2)''===


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lori''': ''[sees Leni with her tanktop]'' Is that my shirt?! Take it off!
:'''Leni''': I can't. ''[pointing to Mr. Coconuts]'' There are boys here!
:''[Mr. Coconuts raises his eyebrows and Luan covers his eyes]''
:'''Luan''': Ah, coconuts!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Lincoln overhears another conversation between his parents from the vent.]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': What do you mean we got a bun in the oven?!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[gasps]'' You guys! ''[runs off to tell his sisters]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': You know I'm gluten free!

==Episode 10==
===''Hand-Me-Downer (10.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': Sometimes in life, you just gotta take chances. You know what they say: no risk, no re-wha!
:'''Clyde''': What's a &quot;re-wah&quot;?
:'''Lincoln''': ''[notices the bike is missing]'' My bike! It's gone!
:'''Clyde''': ''[to his mannequin]'' Manny! You were supposed to watch the bikes!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lori''': See, Lincoln? We all have to deal with hand-me-downs; we just learned to make the best of them.
:'''Lincoln''': You don't have to deal with them, you're the oldest!
:'''Lori''': Are you kidding me? This isn't really a tank top! It's literally the top of Mom's old girdle!
:''[the other Loud sisters are disgusted]''
:'''Lynn''': Well, enough chit-chat. I gotta get to my competition. ''[takes Lori's hand-me-down bike.]''
:'''Lincoln''': You're gonna ride that?!
:'''Lynn''': ''[annoyed]'' What choice do I have? ''[rides off]''
:'''Luan''': ''[threateningly to Lincoln]'' You'd better not let Colonel Crackers get stolen!
:''[The rest of Lincoln's sisters go back inside, tired of Lincoln's behavior.]''
:'''Colonel Crackers''': &quot;Hey! You heard the lady!&quot;
:''[Lincoln looks on in remorse and fear.]''

===''Sleuth or Consequences (10.2)''===
:''[Lincoln shuffles deck of cards with pictures of his sisters on onto his desk]''
:'''Lincoln''': One of you is the perp, but which one?
:'''Lucy''': ''[comes out of nowhere]'' Hey, Linc. ''[scares Lincoln]'' I might have a tip for you.
:'''Lincoln''': Really? Wait. Why do you wanna help?
:'''Lucy''': I don't care about being grounded. My life is just an endless mental prison, anyway. But it's not fair that you have to miss your thing.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lynn''': Woohoo! My team did it! We're number one! ''[diarrhea]'' Ooh! Time for Number 2! ''[hurries to the bathroom]''
:'''Lana''': Dad! I think we're gonna need Big Bertha again!

==Episode 11==

===''Butterfly Effect (11.1)''===
:'''Lori''': Leni, why is this picture of Bobby hidden on ''your'' side of the closet?
:'''Leni''': Oh, there it is! That was a surprise present from Bobby for 88th day-iversary. He asked me to hide it for him but I forgot where I put it.
:'''Lori''': That anniversary was ''eight'' days ago, and Bobby gave me socks. I can't believe this! You're literally seeing Bobby behind my back! ''[angrily storms out of the room]'' You are no longer my sister!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lincoln''': ''[he and Charles see that Lisa's room is a mess]'' Yikes. I better go tell Lisa.
:''[Lincoln's imagination: Lisa observes the damage in a dark, stylized environment]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[turning red with anger, with her teeth sharpened] '''You've... COMPLETELY DESTROYED MY LIFE'S WORK! I DESPISE YOU, AND YOU NO LONGER EXIST TO ME!'''''
:''[a wall of fire burns in the background behind her, along with a cultist choir]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lincoln''': Boy, am I glad that nightmare's over. ''[hears a bicycle bell outside, looks out and sees Lori and Clyde riding a tandem bike dragging a string of cans and a sign reading &quot;JUST MARRIED&quot;]'' (Except that one.) Ahh!

===''The Green House (11.2)''===

:'''Mrs. Johnson''': What's that? You hate polar bears, you're a polar bear hater!?
:'''Lincoln''': ''[still muffled, his head above the ceiling]'' No! I love them! They're cool!
:''[kids boo at Lincoln]''
:'''Female Student 1''': If you make us lose, Lincoln, you'll be an outcast!
:'''Girl Jordan''': You might as well throw your social life out the window.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[the Loud sisters unplug the TV, and are revealed to wear nothing but potato sacks for tops and bandages for shoes, stink, and begin scolding Lincoln furiously]''
:'''Lori''': Game over, Lincoln!
:'''Lincoln''': It's not what it looks like!
:'''Lori''': We're up there making all these sacrifices, and you're down here playing some stupid computer game?!
:'''Lincoln''': OK, so maybe it is what it looks like.
:'''Lynn''': If you don't wanna give anything up, why should ''we''?
:'''Lincoln''': But... but... ''[shows poster]'' Polar bear?
:''[The girls are starting to feel remorse again, but this time, they snap out of it.]''
:'''Lola''': Aww... Wait a minute, you can't use that on us anymore!
:'''Lori''': Come on, girls. Let's go get our stuff back.
:'''Leni''': ''[holding up her glass of air]'' And a refill!
:''[James the Red Engine, Red Hemka, Hammer, and The Nail Twins tackle the stupid blonde]''
:'''James''': Oh No you don't! You're not getting any refills! ''[throw the glass of air on the floor, breaking it]''
:'''Red Hemka''': The only thing you'll be earning, is getting raped! ''[Red Hemka removes her potato sack and her bra, exposing her breats]''
:'''Hammer''': And to finish this off, my sons the Nail Twins will be hammered into your eyes, so you'll be known as Eyeless Leni! Ready boys?
:'''Nail Twins''': Yes Dad! ''[throw Leni's sunglasses on the ground then jump on them, breaking them]''
:'''Hammer''': ''[furiously]'' Get ready turd! Here comes the death! ''[Leni screams for her life as Hammer nails his sons into her eyes, killing her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

==Episode 12==
===''Along Came a Sister (12.1)''===
:'''Mrs. Johnson''': Frank needs to be fed twice a day, and under no circumstances should he be let out of his cage. ''[chuckling to herself]'' Unlike ''me'' this weekend...
:''[The kids glance awkwardly at each other]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Leni''': Oh, I need milk. 
:''[She opens the fridge, where Frank happens to be on the milk bottle]''
:'''Lisa''': Wait! ''[slams fridge shut]'' You're lactose intolerant!
:'''Leni''': No, I'm not. I'm tolerant of everyone, whether they lack toes or not. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Leni''': ''[Frank plops right onto her glass]'' Ha! Nice try, Luan, but I'm not falling for another one of your fake spiders, though this one looks pretty real. ''[Frank blinks]'' AAAAH! SPIDER! ''[busts out the bug spray]''
:'''non-Leni Loud kids''': Nooo!
:'''Leni''': ''[unleashes a massive spray cloud and runs off]'' WORST SURPRISE PARTY EVER! RAID!!!!!!! ''[blows up]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': I'll miss you, Frank, but I'm glad things are gonna be back to normal around here.
:'''Leni''': ''[brushing her hair]'' 20. 21. 22. 23.
:''[it is revealed that Frances laid her egg sac in the vents; the babies hatch and scurry into Leni's room]''
:'''Leni''': AAAAAAAAAH! SPIDERS!

===''Chore and Peace (12.2)''===
:'''Lincoln''': &quot;Can I get a little help here?&quot;
:'''Lori''': ''[refuses to help him]'' Can't you see I'm doing the laundry? ''[laughs]'' LOL, Bobby!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[unable to hold the bag]'' WHOA! ''[gets crushed; finally gets the bag out to the curb only to find that the weight from it has torn a hole in it and the trash has been scattered everywhere]'' Dang it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luna''': So, what'a ya think, Chunk?
:'''Chunk''': It stinks.
:'''Luna''': Way harsh, dude.
:'''Chunk''': Not the song, your room. Chunk's gotta blow. ''[leaves]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The doorbell rings; Lincoln answers it]''
:'''Reporter''': Hi, we're from the Miss Cute N' Mean pageant, here to do a behind the scenes interview with Miss Lola Loud.
:'''Lola''': ''[singing as she comes down in her trash-themed ensemble]'' Here she is! The next Cute N' Mean! ''[fart]''
:'''Reporter''': Ew! More like Miss Gross N' Gnarly! Interview over! ''[the crew leaves]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Hang on, Lily! I'm coming! ''[dives into laundry flooding the basement, but starts to &quot;drown&quot;]'' So...much...underwear!
:'''Lori''': ''[pulling him out]'' Yeah, and that's just Dad's.

==Episode 13==
===''For Bros About to Rock (13.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': Clyde! Line's moving!
:''[They try to get their spot back, but their place in line loses completely]''
:'''Sean Gantka''': Hey! No cuts, kid!
:'''Mollie Freilich''': Back of the line, line cutter!
:'''Lincoln''': But that was our spot! ''[Two people ignores him. To Clyde, pushing him]'' Come on.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A cop disguised as a scalper gives Lincoln and Clyde tickets]''
:'''Lincoln and Clyde''': We're in! ''[they are handcuffed]''
:'''Cop''': You're in alright: &quot;in&quot;-carcerated!
:'''Clyde''': Are those good seats?
:'''Cop''': Buying [[wikipedia:Ticket resale|scalped tickets]] is illegal. Let's go, hooligans!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bobby, a mall cop, unknowingly sees through Luna's disguise]''
:'''Bobby''': Hey Luna!
:'''Captain''': You know their mother?
:'''Bobby''': That's not their mother! That's his sister! Nice wig by the way.
:'''Captain''': &quot;Wig&quot;?!
:''[Luna giggles nervously]''
:'''Scoots''': Oh, snap.

===''It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud, House (13.2)''===
:''[the Loud kids fight over a quarter Lincoln finds]''
:'''Rita''': What are they fighting over this time? A nickel under the ottoman?
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Nope! A quarter down the sofa.
:'''Rita''': We better stop them before they start biting.
:'''Lincoln''': [Lola bites him] Ow, Lola!
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Too late!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[the parents see the kids cheering over the treasure]''
:'''Rita''': I have to admit, it's nice to see them sharing money and not fighting over it.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Yep. All part of Sharon's plan.
:'''Rita''': Was destroying the house part of Sharon's plan?
:''[overview of the damaged house interior]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': No. No, it was not.
:'''Rita''': Well, now she can Sharon DeCleanUp! ''[hands him a broom]''

==Episode 14==
===''Toads and Tiaras (14.1)''===
:'''Lana''': Darn you, Lincoln! I am in... but wait, what if Lola finds out? You know what she's capable of.
:''[an image of Lola looking on wickedly with hellfire and an evil choir is shown, causing Lincoln and Lana to shudder with fear]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': ''[sees a cameraman]'' I didn't know this was going to be on TV. Good thing we don't get the Princess Channel!
:''[Though, Lynn Sr does just that so that a recuperating Lola can watch the pageant]''
:'''Lola''': Thanks for getting me the Princess Channel, daddy!
:'''Lynn Sr.''': No problem, sweetie. It was either that or the sports channel, and who needs that, huh? ''[crying]''

===''Two Boys and a Baby (14.2)''===
:''[Luan and Lynn eating weird food]''
:'''Lori''': Ew! When was this pudding made?!
:'''Lisa''': ''[examining the can]'' Seeing as this flag on the label only has [[:File:Flag of the United States (1912-1959).svg|48 stars]]--
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lily shoots her farts against Lincoln and Clyde, who run for the window and gasp for fresh air]''
:'''Clyde''': It's practically radioactive!
:'''Lincoln''': Huh. Radioactive, you say?

==Episode 15==
===''Cover Girls (15.1)''===
:'''Lisa''': ''[from Lincoln's bedroom window]'' Approach at a 63 degree angle! :''[Lincoln jumps but crashes into his wall, making a big hole. Luan covers the hole with a poster.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': Correction: 62 degrees!
:''[Lincoln weakly gives a thumbs up.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rita''': ''[coming upstairs]'' Lucy? Lynn? How's the cleaning coming?
:'''Lincoln''': ''[determined]'' This calls for...the Trunk! ''[opens up his trunk and takes out some items; now wearing a wig like Lucy's hair and imitating her melancholy demeanor]'' I scrub and scrub, yet the stain of human suffering remains.
:'''Rita''': ''[uneasy]'' Okay.
:''[Now Lincoln is disguised like Lynn.]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[imitating Lynn]'' Not me, Mom! I'm knocking these dust balls out of the park!
:'''Rita''': ''[carrying a bunch of towels]'' Good to hear. ''[Lincoln sighs with relief]'' Leni, how's your spring cleaning coming?
:'''Lincoln''': ''[lunges into Lori and Leni's doorway; imitating Leni]'' Good! As soon as I find those springs, I'll clean them!

===''Save the Date (15.2)''===
:''[Lincoln comes home after school]''
:'''Lori''': You MONSTER! ''[throws a tissue box at Lincoln]''
:'''Lincoln''': Ow! What was that for?
:'''Lori''': You made Ronnie Anne '''CRY'''!
:'''Lincoln''': Cry? I didn't mean to! Wait, how do you know?
:''[Lori throws a teddy bear at Lincoln, who jumps out of the way]''
:'''Lori''': Bobby told me... ''[starts to cry]'' '''RIGHT BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME!'''
:'''Lincoln''': What? Why does Bobby care? ''[Lori throws a couch cushion at Lincoln, prompting him to duck; she opens a photo album showing a picture of Bobby and Ronnie Anne together]''
:'''Lori''': Because Bobby is literally Ronnie Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone who hurt someone he's related to! Or something like that!
:'''Lincoln''': Ronnie Anne has a brother?! I thought she was raised by trolls.
:''[Lori throws a bunch of CDs in rapid fire fashion; Lincoln shields himself with the cushion]''
:'''Lori''': D'AAAAHH!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT!
:''[Lori chases after Lincoln, who hides behind the chair; he trips, and Lori catches him and holds him up by his shirt]''
:'''Lori''': You have to make things right with Ronnie Anne!
:'''Lincoln''': Okay! Okay! I'll call her right now and apologize! ''[picks up the phone]''
:'''Lori''': NO! ''[hangs up the phone]'' Nuh-uh! Actions speak louder than words! Bobby has to see you being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why we're going on a double date!
:'''Lincoln''': WHAT?!
:'''Lori''': It's all been arranged! We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet at six! AND YOU'LL! MAKE HER FEEL! LIKE THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL! IN THE WORLD!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[gags]'' I'd rather lick the bathroom...
:''[Lori picks up the end table and threatens to crush him with it]''
:'''Lincoln''': I'll go iron my khakis!
:''[Lincoln runs out of the scene]
:''[Joy Cunningham goes over to Lori and kicks the blonde in the crotch, making Lori drop the end table on her]''
:'''Lori''': Ouch! Right in the round tables.
:'''Joy Cunningham''': '''GOOD FOR YOU!''' You deserve it! Lincoln didn't insult Ronnie Anne! Name Dropper and Green Trunko told him to!
:'''Lori''': I'll apologize for my bossiness! And my selfishness too!
:'''Fear''': '''NO!''' Nuh-uh! Expressions speak louder than actions and words! We literally have to see you being nice and expressing your feelings to Lincoln.
:'''Anger''': He's right! ''[sternly]'' What would you do if you're so smart, Lori?
:'''Disgust''': Take this you literal stupid blonde!
:''[Disgust punches Lori's eye, making it swell]''
:'''Sadness''': You get another kick in the crotch!
:''[Sadness kicks Lori in the crotch; only this time, Sadness grabs out a knife and stabs her in the groin}''
:'''Fear''': Let that be a lesson to you! '''LORI!'''

==Episode 16==
===''Attention Deficit (16.1)''===
:''[Lincoln and Clyde walk by Flip's juice cart]''
:'''Clyde''': Oh, hang on, Lincoln. I'm gonna get volcano Lori a juice. Running from Bobby's tormented screams has made her thirsty.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lynn''': Hey, Lincoln! ''[examines him]'' You look different.
:'''Lincoln''': My sideburns are even.
:'''Lynn''': No, it's more than that. Your skin is glowing, you look taller, and you smell like... ''[smells him]'' ...organic Brussels sprouts? Okay, what gives?
:'''Lincoln''': I spent tonight at Clyde's. His dads helped me with my volcano and served me food with no foil and asked me about my day!
:'''Lynn''': Get out! That sounds amazing! ''[thinks for a second]'' Hey, do you think they could help me with my baseball swing?
:'''Lincoln''': Sure. I think Clyde said one of his dads played ball in college. Why don't you come over after school tomorrow?
:'''Lynn''': Oh, that would be awesome! ''[playfully punches his arm]''
:'''Lincoln''': Ow! Lynn, do you mind? Clyde's dads just gave me my vaccinations.

===''Out on a Limo (16.2)''===
:''[Limo arrives at Burpin' Burger and takes the drive-thru]''
:'''Employee''': ''[On audio box]'' Welcome to Burpin' Burger. May I take your order?
:'''Luna''': Eleven burgers and fries, love.
:'''Lincoln''': Don't forget one for Kirby.
:'''Kirby''': Thank you, sir. I mean, Lincoln.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': ''[to the viewers while holding a burger]'' The only thing better than being a man in a limo is being a family in a limo.
:''[Everyone is enjoying their burgers when Tetherby's limo drives up to Lincoln's]''
:'''Tetherby''': I say, Loud, it's good to see you back in a limo. What say you ditch the riffraff and come back to the club?
:''[Tetherby's invitation surprises Lincoln as he darts his eyes at his sisters and Kirby who are afraid, he'll leave them]''
:'''Lincoln''': You know what, Tetherby? How about some... ''[he and his sisters squirt Tetherby and his limo with mustard]'' ...mustard to go with that baloney!
:''[And with that, they drive off, singing the Burpin' Burger jingle]''
:'''Lincoln''': ♫Hungry, y'all? Look no further!♫
:'''Loud Kids''': ♫Come on down to Burpin' Burger / Grade B Beef and special spice / When it comes back up, it's twice as nice!♫ ''[burp on cue]''

==Episode 17==
===''House Music (17.1)''===
:''[Luna has a fantasy]''
:'''Mick Swagger''': And now, I'd like to introduce the greatest musical discovery of my 40 year career: Luna Loud!
:''[Luna starts rocking out as the crowd chants &quot;Luna&quot;]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Leni''': ''[singing]'' ♪ Backup backup backup! ♪
:'''Luna''': No no no no. Leni, you don't actually sing the words &quot;Backup&quot;. You sing what's on the page.
:'''Leni''': Oh. Got it! ''[singing]'' ♪ What's on the page! What's on the page! What's on the pa-haaaaaage! ♪
:'''Red Hemka''': ''[sternly]'' Oh, I literally got an even better song! This one's called, Leni is a stupid blonde!

===''A Novel Idea (17.2)''===
:'''Rita''': Hey, come on. I know it's not as exciting as Dad's office, but you're Lincoln Loud. You can make anything fun.
:'''Lincoln''': Well, I guess that's true. Okay. I'm in.
:'''Mr. Grouse''': Nice dress, Loud!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[coughs]'' Right after I change.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Just another routine job for Agent-- ''[sees the girls]'' Oh, for crying out Loud!
:''[the girls and Dad are all having a suction cup dart fight]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[trips over the floss and the supplies from the cabinet of fun fall on top of him]'' Dang it!

==Episode 18==
===''April Fools Rules (18.1)''===
:'''Lola''': Arms up, Lincoln! Your turn for bubble-wrap.
:'''Lincoln''': ''[puts his hand in front of Lola]'' Not this year, Lola. I'm not getting pranked.
:''[Loud girls chatter]''
:'''Lola''': It's never been done!
:'''Lynn''': Are you crazy?
:'''Lincoln''': Ladies! Ladies! I got a plan! I'm simply gonna lock myself in my room till the day's over. I've got snacks, video games and a hose to pee in, which I call the Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.
:'''Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola and Lily''': Ew!
:'''Lana''': Cool!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[points to his window]'' It goes out the window! The point is, I'll never have to leave my room so Luan will never get me.
:''[The siblings look frightened as they hear Luan coming up the stairs while holding a sausage]''
:'''Luan''': Ooh! It's Pranksmas Eve...and I'm just bubbling with excitement. ''[pops a piece of Lola's bubble wrap and walks away]''
:'''Lola''': I'm gonna need more bubble wrap! And a fresh pair of undies.

===''Cereal Offender (18.2)''===
:'''Woman''': Ahh! There's a child in the frozen peas! Ahh!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[finds that it's Lisa]'' Lisa! What are you doing?
:'''Lisa''': Research for my [[wikipedia:cryopreservation|cryogenic freezer]]. The future needs my brain.
:'''Lincoln''': I don't believe this.

==Episode 19==
===''Lincoln Loud: Girl Guru (19.1)''===
:'''Clyde''': ''[he and Lincoln try to make balloon animals; one of them pops]'' Lincoln! Look professional! We've got a customer!
:'''Liam''': Uh, I'll take the, uh, cheeseburger?
:'''Clyde''': It's a bunny rabbit.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Andrew gives Girl Jordan a Dutch over while they were both in a locker]''
:'''Girl Jordan''': ''[coughing; enraged at Andrew]'' You jerk!
:'''Andrew''': But, the Girl Guru said you'd love a Dutch oven.
:'''Girl Jordan''': Maybe ''you'd'' love an American wedgie! ''[angrily chases after Andrew as he screams]''
:'''Lincoln''': Well, you can't expect advice to work 100% of the time.
:'''Joy''': ''[as Papa Wheelie offers her a frog and it hops on top of her head]'' Ew, ew, ew, ew! Gross! Get it off!
:'''Papa Wheelie''': But the Girl Guru said…
:'''Joy''': ''[furious]'' Get him, girls!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flat Tire''': Hey, Mollie, you want to go on a date with me?
:'''Mollie''': Um, yeah.
:'''Flat Tire''': Great! I'm gonna need you to wear this. ''[puts a veil on Mollie's head and a black hearse pulls up outside]'' Ah, there's the hearse. We're going to a funeral. How strong are you? They ''might'' need an extra pallbearer.
:'''Mollie''': ''[disgusted with annoyance]'' Ew! Yuck! ''[moves to another desk next to Lance]'' Get away from me, you morbid weirdo!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lincoln and Clyde both run down the hallway when Kat screams and an explosion is heard]''
:'''Zach''': I was trying to impress you with my basic chemistry skills!
:'''Kat''': You burnt my braids, you doofus!
:'''Zach''': He told me to do it!
:'''Kat''': What?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kat''': The next time I see that Girl Guru, I'll totally destroy him!
:'''Joy''': Yeah, and his weird little friend, too.

===''Come Sale Away (19.2)''===
:'''Luna''': ''[knocks on the door]'' Hello, ma'am!
:'''Lola''': ''[shoves Luna aside]'' Did you buy a blanket?
:'''Luna''': ''[shoves Lola aside]'' From a garage sale today?
:'''Woman''': I didn't buy a blanket, but I did buy ''this'' hunk of junk! ''[holds up a vacuum cleaner which explodes in her face]'' I want my money back!
:'''Luna and Lola''': Uh, ''[point at each other]'' she sold it to you!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flip''': ''[pouring chemicals into a washer fluid bottle]'' I'm lovin' these 2-for-1 chemicals, I'm gonna make a fortune selling them as windshield wiper fluid! Ha ha, suckers! ''[boom]'' Well, the lil' Psychic Girl was right. Business ''is'' booming.

==Episode 20==
===''Roughin' It (20.1)''===
:''[Lincoln is knitting headbands with Luna]''
:'''Luna''': You got it bro! These accessories will make our outfits rockin!
:'''Lincoln''': Rocking!
:'''Luna''': And if you braid the strands real tight, they're strong enough to use as ropes. Right, Chunk?
:'''Chunk''': ''[pulling on a rope]'' Right as rain, love. ''[notices the piano is too big for the window]'' We're gon'a need a bigger window though.

===''The Waiting Game (20.2)''===
:'''Lincoln''': I don't get it. How could Chandler not invite us? I loaned him a pencil in math class and held the bathroom door open for him!
:'''Clyde''': And I made eye contact with him everyday like this! ''[takes off his glasses revealing his astigmatic eyes]'' Who wouldn't want this face at a party?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Hey, ready for your dance? You're not wearing that, are you?
:''[Lori wearing her employee uniform with her dance dress hung up on the door.]''
:'''Lori''': I'm not going to the dance. My boss is making me work tonight to pay for all the free stuff I gave you. Instead of Romance Under the Sea, I'm gonna have mozzarella under the fingernails. Thanks a lot, Lincoln. ''[leaves for her overtime shift]''

==Episode 21==
===''The Loudest Yard (21.1)''===
:''[two stinkers named Hank and Hawk confront Lynn and Lincoln]''
:'''Hank''': What team are you on?
:'''Lincoln''': The Royal Woods Roosters!
:'''Lincoln &amp; Lynn''': ''[waving their hands high up]'' Cock-a-doodle-doo!
:'''Hawk''': Nice cheer. When we play you, you're cock-a-doodle-doomed!
:'''Hank''': Yeah! I'm gonna pluck me a few feathers! ''[their laugh which irks Lynn]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Lincoln and Lynn's big game, the rest of the Loud family are at the big game; Lori is using binoculars to find Lincoln]''
:'''Lori''': I literally don't see Lincoln anywhere. ''[spots him right in front of her face and shrieks in surprise]''

===''Raw Deal (21.2)''===
:'''Leni''': I can't wait to see Pop-Pop! ''[her siblings look at her confused]'' The guidebook said there was an old geezer in the park.
:'''Lincoln''': Geyser, not geezer. See? Here it is. ''[shows her said geyser in the guidebook]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Well, Lucy, I guess you'll be throwing out those silly cards now that you've been completely discredited.
:'''Lucy''': Wrong, I can prove fortune telling is real with one last prediction: ''[draws one more card]'' &quot;The end is near!&quot;
:'''Lisa''': Oh please, gimme a-
:''[end card in the style of Lucy's fortune telling cards with a dowl on it]''
:'''Lucy''': Told ya, he cards don't lie.

==Episode 22==
===''Dance Dance Resolution (22.1)''===
''[Lincoln's sisters scare him]''
:'''Leni''': So did Ronnie Anne ask you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?
:'''Lincoln''': ''[stammering]'' Uh, yee, uh, um...
:'''Lori''': I bet she was so excited. The Sadie Hawkins is literally the most important dance in a girl's life.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': ''[acting melancholy]'' Hi, I'm Lincoln.
:'''Haiku''': Hi, Lincoln. Wanna hear my poem? &quot;Empty, lonely, dark. The universe is weeping. I have no tissues.&quot; Okay, your turn.
:'''Lincoln''': Uh... &quot;[[w:Jack and Jill (nursery rhyme)|Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water...]]&quot;
:'''Haiku''': Oh, yes. The futility of teamwork. Deep stuff.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lincoln's dates confront Lincoln]''
:'''Lincoln''': You guys, I'm sorry. I can explain.
:'''Tabby''': Wait, let me go first. I'm sorry to say this, Lincoln, but would you mind if I hung out with somebody else for the rest of the night? I really hit it off with that guy, Liam.
:'''Giggles''': Yeah, and I'm having a really great time with Zach.
:'''Haiku''': Yes, and I enjoy Clyde. We share the same pain.
:'''Polly''': Same with me and Rusty; though, the pain is mostly his.
:'''Lincoln''': Sure. No problem. I'm glad you're all having fun.

===''A Fair to Remember (22.2)''===
:'''Lori''': What do I do? I'm sick of Lincoln crashing our dates, but it makes Bobby so happy. He says Lincoln's like the brother he never had.
:'''Leni''': I know; why don't you hang out with Bobby's little sister Ronnie Anne out for a drive, she could be like the sister ''you'' never had! ''[Lori and Lucy just awkwardly stare at her for that statement]''
:'''Lucy''': You know, this happens in my book. Griselda thinks she's losing Edwin, so she makes him jealous, and he totally comes crawling back. Well, flying actually.
:'''Lori''': Ooh, that's perfect. But how do I make Bobby jealous?
''[The doorbell rang]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[As he waits for his car, he hears Lori crying]''
:'''Car Salesman''': Miss, your vehicle is okay. He's in the service department fixing it.
:'''Lori''': He's not my vehicle. I literally don't think I have a vehicle anymore! ''[cries]''

==Episode 23==
===''One of the Boys (23.1)''===
:''[Lisa presses the button on the watch and a portal opens up.]
:'''Lincoln''': Holy moly! Awesome! ''[proceeds to enter it, but stops]'' Wait, why are you doing this for me?
:'''Lisa''': I need beta testers. Now, are we doing this, or am I sending Lana to a dimension where she's a toad?
:'''Lincoln''': Oh, we're doing it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gus' Games and Grub]''
:'''Loki''': Five pies for ten guys!
:'''Lane''': I sure hope Mom and Dad gave us enough... dough! ''[laughs]'' Get it?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''ALT. Lynn Sr.''': Hey, boys!
:'''Leif''': PILE ON DAD!
:''[Lynn Sr. screams as his sons pounce on him.]''
:'''Levi''': We got you!
:'''Lars''': Say uncle.
:'''Loni''': ''[confused]'' I thought he was our dad.
:'''ALT. Lynn Sr.''': ''[begging for mercy]'' UNCLE!
:''[The boys run into the house, cheering and laughing.]''
:'''ALT. Lynn Sr.''': ''[groans in pain]'' Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have daughters.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lori''': ''[livid]'' That was literally mine! You are so gonna pay!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[fearing]'' Please don't stick my head down the toilet!
:'''Lori''': What? I meant with money.
:'''Lincoln''': Oh, of course. That's more than fair.
:'''Lola''': ''[scoffs]'' Breaking Lori's watch? You sir, have no class! ''[storms off]''
:''[The sisters all go back to bed.]''
:'''Lincoln''': I'm so glad my sisters are nothing like my brothers.
:'''Lynn''': Hey, Lincoln, I almost forgot something. ''[pantses him and runs off laughing]''
:'''Lincoln''': Except for Lynn.

===''A Tattler's Tale (23.2)''===
:'''Lincoln''': ''[to the viewers]'' What can I say? We're not angels. Sometimes, we mess up. But the great thing is, if you need to get something off your chest, you can always trust your siblings. ''[a knock at the door is heard]'' Well, not all of them.
:''[Lincoln walks up to the door and opens it, revealing to be Lola; She enters the room]''
:'''Lola''': Whatcha guys talkin about?
:'''Lisa''': Quantum physics!
:'''Lynn''': Monster trucks!
:'''Lori''': Bobby!
:'''Leni''': Politics!
:'''Lynn''': Baseball!
:'''Luan''': Jokes!
:'''Lana''': Global warming!
:'''Lola''': You're telling secrets again, aren't you? It's not fair! I never get included!
:'''Lincoln''': That's because you're a tattle-tale, Lola.
:'''Lola''': ''[scoffs]'' I am NOT! ''[Lincoln and the others look at her with disbelief while a cricket chirps]'' Okay, I'll admit I used to be a tattle-tale, but I changed! ''[Everybody still doesn't believe her as they murmur to each other; Lola growls loudly, tosses her tiara aside in fury, and screams at the top of her lungs]'' MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!!!
:''[As Lola storms out of the room, Lincoln quickly shuts the door; Lisa checks her list of secrets]'
:'''Lisa''': Mmm. So where were we?
:'''Lincoln''': I broke Dad's disco ball, Lori scratched the car, Luna caused the blackout, and Lucy ruined Mom's wedding dress. Who's next?
:'''Lana''': ''[raising her hand]'' Ooh! Ooh! So you know how Dad was yelling at Charles for chewing up his boots? ''[giggles]'' That was me!
:''[The siblings begin laughing]''
:'''Luan''': ''[with realization]'' Wait a second. Weren't those steel toe?

==Episode 24==
===''Funny Business (24.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''':​ Boy, we are killing it. But I've been thinking, maybe you should do a little less of the talky stuff and more of the pratfalls.
:''[Enraged, Luan drops all of her supplies and turns to Lincoln, he's shocked]''
:'''Luan''':​ Are you kidding me?!
:'''​Lincoln''':​ What?
:'''Luan''':​ Look, Lincoln. Just because you got a few laughs does not make you an expert on clowning. There's a lot more to it than just falling on your butt.
:'''Lincoln''':​ Well, the audience sure seems to like my --
:'''Luan''':​ Lincoln, enough! No more pratfalls. I am the clown. YOU are the assistant. Now go refill these whoopee cushions.
:'''Lincoln''':​ But they're already inflated.
:'''Luan''':​ ''[deflates them at her brother's face]'' Not anymore!
:''[Luan walks to the house, opens the door, then slams it]
:'''Lincoln''':​ Oh, yeah?! Well, that would've been funnier if you'd fallen on your butt!

===''Snow Bored (24.2)''===
:'''Lisa''': This just in: there will ''not'' be a snow day tomorrow. Once I spray my super strength salt across the city roadways, we shall have no trouble accessing school.
:'''Loud Kids''': BOO! ''[they throw pillows at her]''
:'''Lola''': WHY WOULD YOU RUIN OUR SNOW DAY?!
:'''Lisa''': ''[clears her throat and pulls a chart down]'' For every school day you miss, your brain functionality decreases by approximately 0.006%.
:'''Leni''': But Lisa, snow days are F-O-N! Fun!!!
:'''Lisa''': ''[presses a button and the chart goes up]'' I rest my case. Besides, I fail to see how frolicking in frozen temperatures like a bunch of nincompoops is fun.
:'''Lincoln''': What if we could show you how fun snow days can be? ''Then'' would you call off the salt?
:'''Leni''': Yeah! ''[chanting]'' F-O-N! F-O-N!
:'''Loud Kids''': F-O-N! F-O-N!
:'''Lisa''': FINE! But only because I can't stand to hear you spell erroneously.
:''[The others walk away cheering]''
:'''Leni''': Wait - I thought we were spelling &quot;fun&quot;?

==Episode 25==
===''The Price of Admission (25.1)''===
:'''Old Man''': I got hearts, kidneys, and ears-- ''[rises up a hoe and digs deep into something]''
:'''Lincoln''': The Harvester! ''[runs away]''
:''[it's actually just Mr. Grouse tending to his garden]''
:'''Mr. Grouse''': [[wikipedia:Hearts of romaine|Romaine lettuce]], [[wikipedia:Kidney bean|kidney beans]] and [[wikipedia:Maize|ears of corn]]. You never heard of a guy growing his own vegetables before?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Okay, Question 63: What does &quot;[[wikt:going Dutch|going Dutch]]&quot; mean, and does it have anything to do with Dutch ovens?
:'''Lori''': Hmm. ''[phone beep]'' Session's over, Lincoln. I have to talk to Bobby; he started his new pizza delivery job tonight.
:'''Bobby''': Check it, babe. I spelled your name with pepperonis. ''[the pizza, pepperoni spelling &quot;Lory&quot;, slides right out of the box]'' That's coming out of my paycheck.

===''One Flu Over the Loud House (25.2)''===
:'''Lisa''': In case we're attacked, this concoction will slow down the infected. ''[blasts Lincoln]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[tasting the concoction]'' Tastes like chicken soup.
:'''Lisa''': That's because it ''is'' chicken soup. ''[hands gun to him]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Safe Haven, we're back in. What is this crisis you were talking about?
:'''Clyde''': I made a peanut sauce for the Sante Fe egg rolls. But then I realized someone might have a food allergy.
:'''Lincoln''': ''That's'' the crisis?! We're fighting for our lives, Clyde! No one has a food allergy!
:'''Clyde''': That's a relief, 'cause this sauce really ties the dish together. Safe Haven out.

==Episode 26==
===''Study Muffin (26.1)''===
:''[The doorbell rings and Lincoln answers it to find a good looking fellow at the door.]''
:'''Hugh''': Um... I beg your pardon. Is this the Loud residence?
:'''Lincoln''': Yep. You must be my tutor. I'm Lincoln.
:'''Hugh''': ''[shakes Lincoln's hand]'' I'm Hugh. Quite chuffed to meet you.
:'''Lincoln''': Uh...the chuff is all mine. Come on in.
:''[They both head inside and begin their study session.]''
:'''Lincoln''': I really appreciate this, Hugh. I have a big multi-subject test coming up, and I need to ace it.
:''[Enter Lori on her phone.]''
:'''Lori''': So, I'm like, if you literally don't know the difference between dance team and color guard- ''[gasps at the sight of Hugh and drops her phone; now stammering.]'' Ba...ba...ba...
:'''Lincoln''': Lori, you okay?
:'''Lori''': ''[speechless]'' Er...um...yes. ''[picks up her phone]'' I was just going to get a...hunk of meat. I mean, a...dish of cereal. Er, tall drink of water? 
:''[She turns and smacks into the wall, dropping her phone again.]''
:'''Hugh''': Miss, you dropped your mobile. 
:''[He picks it up and hands it to her. Lori fawns awkwardly and Lana enters with a net.]''
:'''Lana''': I heard a goose! I call dibs! ''[sees Hugh and gets the same reaction as Lori; blushing]'' Ba...ba...ba...
:''[Enter Leni wearing a facial mask.]''
:'''Leni''': I heard a sheep. ''[removes the cucumber slices on her eyes and sees Hugh]'' AAH! MY FACE! ''[runs off]''
:''[The rest of Lincoln's sisters minus Lily show up with their things. They see Hugh and react like Lori and Lana]''
:'''Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola and Lisa''': ''[blushing] Ba...ba...ba...
:''[Leni returns without her facial mask.]''
:'''Leni''': Hey, guys. Lincoln, I didn't know you were entertaining. Hi. I'm- ''[sees Hugh up-close and reacts the same way]'' Ba...ba...ba...ba...
:'''Hugh''': Um, hello. I'm Hugh, Lincoln's tutor. It's lovely to meet you all.
:'''Sisters''': ''[infatuated]'' Ba...ba...ba...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Family meeting in the living room.]''
:'''Lincoln''': You guys are unbelievable! The minute a good-looking guy with an accent shows up, you all go completely bonkers!
:'''Leni''': That is so not true! ''[she is revealed to be wearing a sweater decidated to Hugh]'' I've got these Hugh sweaters in small, medium and large.
:'''Other sisters and Lynn Sr.''': Ooh!
:'''Lincoln''': This has to end. I need to study, or I'm gonna flunk 5th grade! So from now on, Hugh is off-limits!
:''[The girls complain about this and walk away with disappointment.]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[in a British accent]'' Now, girls. You heard Lincoln.
:'''Lincoln''': ''[agitated]'' Uh, that means you too, Dad.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[disappointed]'' Oh! ''[walks away]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next day, Lincoln returns home from school with a disappointed look on his face.]''
:'''Lynn''': How'd the test go, bro? You aced it?
:'''Lincoln''': ''[angrily]'' No! I got an F! ''[slumps on the floor]''
:'''Luan''': ''[takes the test and looks at it]'' Oh, and a frowny face. That's cold! ''[pulls out a phone]'' I know just Hugh to call! ''[laughs]'' Get it?
:''[The girls start fighting over who should call him.]''
:'''Lana''': I'm calling Hugh!
:'''Lola''': No, me!
:'''Lori''': I'm calling Hugh!
:'''Lincoln''': I don't get it. I thought I knew all the answers. ''[sighs]'' Ms. DiMartino is definitely gonna flunk me now.
:''[The girls stop fighting.]''
:'''Lynn''': Wait. Ms. DiMartino?
:'''Lincoln''': Yeah. She's been our substitute teacher since Mrs. Johnson broke her leg riding a mechanical bull.
:'''Luna''': Dude, no wonder you're failing. Ms. D is so smokin', guys go completely bonkers around her.
:'''Lori''': Yeah. Even Bobby nearly flunked because of her. Of course, that was BL: Before Lori. ''[grimly]'' Or he never would have noticed her.
:'''Lincoln''': But that couldn't happen to me! ''[thinking]'' Could it?
''[Flashback ealier at school, Ms. DiMartino was walking at the hallway]''
:'''Girl Jordan''': Hi, Ms. DiMartino!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[Saw  Ms. DiMartino and completly lost it]'' Ba... ba... ba... ''[Lands smack at an open locker]''
''[Cut the scene where Zach gave the teacher a pink heart balloon tied to an apple, Rusty with a heart box full of candy, Liam with a tree shaped like a heart, and Lincoln with a basket full of fruits with a ribbon and a banner marked Michigan]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': ''[realizes]'' Holy shmoly! You guys are right! I do go completely bonkers around Ms. DiMartino, just like you guys did around Hugh!
:''[The girls are all wearing Hugh sweaters.]''
:'''Leni''': I don't know why you keep saying that. By the way, if Hugh and I ever got married and had a baby, here's what it would look like. ''[shows an online baby picture she made]''
:'''Lisa''': Oh, Leni, you're delusional. Because I'm gonna marry him, and our progeny is gonna look like this. ''[shows her online baby]''
:''[The girls start fighting again, this time over who will marry Hugh.]''
:'''Lincoln''': Guys, you gotta help me! I don't wanna flunk fifth grade! Clyde could end up as a tattooed litterbug!
:''[Again, the girls stop fighting, and puzzled by what Lincoln said.]''
:'''Lincoln''': It made sense when he said it.
:'''Luan''': Maybe you can get Ms. DiMartino to let you retake the test.
:'''Lincoln''': But as long as she's anywhere near me, I'm still gonna blow it!
:'''Lisa''': Well then, the solution would be to remove her from your field of vision. Observe. ''[she takes Lori's phone with Hugh's pic]'' Lori, what is Bobby's full name?
:'''Lori''': Roberto Alejandro Martinez- ''[shown the pic and fawns]'' Roberto Alejandro- ''[shown the pic and fawns again]'' Roberto- ''[shown and fawning again]''
:'''Lisa''': And now to delete.
:'''Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, and Lola''': NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
:''[Lisa deletes the Hugh image which is now replaced with a picture of Lori taking a duckface selfie.]''
:'''Lori''': ''[shakes her head and comes to her senses.]'' Roberto Alejandro Martinez-Millan Luis Santiago, Jr.
:'''Lisa''': Case closed.

===''Homespun (26.2)''===
:'''Lori''': AAH! DANG IT!
:''[In the kitchen, Lincoln is taking out the trash when he hears Lori scream]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[to the viewers]'' Sounds like someone got trapped in the bathroom again.
:''[Inside the bathroom, Lori, wearing a bathrobe and towel on her head, is holding the doorknob to the bathroom door, which just broke off; She growls at this]''
:'''Lori''': Somebody let me out! Bobby's coming over to study, and I only have three hours to get ready! ''[Lori struggles to open the bathroom door, when suddenly, she slips; She grabs hold of the shower curtain, but it rips off; The pole holding the curtain bonks Lori on the head; Lori growls even louder at this string of events]'' THIS HOUSE IS LITERALLY FALLING APART!!!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[to the viewers]'' Lori's right. With 11 kids, four pets... and two parents who insist on fixing everything themselves, our house is a bit of a, how do I put this nicely, disaster.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Lynn Sr.''': All right, everyone, back inside.
:''[Lynn Sr. attempts to open the door, only for the door handle to break off]''
:'''Loud Family''': Dang it!

[[Category:The Loud House seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>d1hc3evr8a42uyv4r81x3b8mwg8sg3i</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hamza Yusuf</title>
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      <contributor>
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      <comment>on abandoning thawabit +ref</comment>
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      <text bytes="2469" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Hamza Yusuf.png|thumb|Hamza Yusuf in 2007]]

'''[[wikipedia:Hamza_Yusuf|Hamza Yusuf]]''' (born January 1, 1958) is an American Islamic scholar and co-founder of Zaytuna College. He is a proponent of classical learning in Islam and has promoted Islamic sciences and classical teaching methodologies throughout the world

== ''Quotes''==

* Hypocrisy is wretched because the hypocrite says with his tongue what is not in his heart. He wrongs his tongue and oppresses his heart. But if the heart is sound, the condition of the tongue follows suit. We are commanded to be upright in speech, which is a gauge of the heart's state.
** [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/272724.Purification_of_the_Heart Purification of the Heart: Signs, Symptoms and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of the Heart]
* We live in the age of Noah (a.s.) in the sense that a flood of distraction accosts us. It is a slow and subtle drowning. For those who notice it, they engage in the remembrance of God. The rites of worship and devotion to God's remembrance (dhikr) are planks of the ark. When Noah (a.s.) started to build his ark, his people mocked him and considered him a fool. But he kept building. He knew what was coming. And we know too.
** [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/272724.Purification_of_the_Heart Purification of the Heart: Signs, Symptoms and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of the Heart]
* When the Prophet says &quot;brother&quot;, we should interpret this as universal brotherhood, which includes Muslims and non-Muslims.
** [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/272724.Purification_of_the_Heart Purification of the Heart: Signs, Symptoms and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of the Heart]
* One of the things that I see in the United States happening, that is troubling to me, is a lot of young Muslims are abandoning those thawabit, those things that really... Once you begin to abandon them, your religion unravels. Like pulling the thread on a woven garment.
** &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFi0rMYuYsA&amp;t=1m50s Roger Scruton: How Modern Culture is Degenerating]&quot; (at 1m50s)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Yusuf, Hamza}}
[[Category:Motivational authors]]
[[Category:Islamic scholars]]
[[Category:Sufis]]
[[Category:Muslims from the United States]]
[[Category:Educators from the United States]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:1958 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Washington (state)]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Ella Baker</title>
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      <text bytes="7884" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Ella Baker|Ella Baker]]''' (December 13, 1903&amp;nbsp;– December 13, 1986) was an [[African-American]] [[civil rights]] and [[human rights]] activist. She was a largely behind-the-scenes organizer whose career spanned more than five decades. She worked alongside some of the most famous civil rights leaders of the 20th century, including [[W. E. B. Du Bois]], [[Thurgood Marshall]], [[A. Philip Randolph]], and [[Martin Luther King Jr.]] She also mentored many emerging activists, such as [[w:Diane Nash|Diane Nash]], [[Stokely Carmichael]], [[Rosa Parks]], and [[w:Bob Moses (activist)|Bob Moses]].
{{political-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Remember, we are not fighting for the freedom of the Negro alone, but for the freedom of the human spirit, a larger freedom that encompasses all mankind.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/22/opinion/22collins.html? &quot;The Women Behind the Men&quot;] by Gail Collins in the ''The New York Times'', September 22, 2007

* Until the killing of black men, black mothers' sons, becomes as important to the rest of the country as the killing of a white mother's son, we who believe in freedom cannot rest until this happens. (1964)
**Grant, Joanne, film, ''Fundi: The Story of Ella Baker'' (Icarus Films, 1981)

* The development of the individual to his highest potential for the benefit of the group.
**''The Eyes on the Prize Civil Rights Reader: documents, speeches and firsthand accounts from the Black Freedom Struggle, 1954–1990'', ed. Clayborne Carson et al. (Penguin Books, 1991), p. 121.

* Strong people do not need strong leaders.
**[http://www.ellabakerschool.net/resources/about-ella-baker/ella-bakers-life Ella Baker's Life] from the Ella Baker School, accessed 24 February 2015

* &quot;You didn't see me on television, you didn't see news stories about me,&quot; she told two writers, Ellen Cantarow and Susan Gushee O'Malley. &quot;The kind of role that I tried to play was to pick up pieces or put together pieces out of which I hoped organization might come. My theory is, strong people don't need strong leaders.&quot;
** ''The New York Times'', Obituary, by C. Gerald Fraser, December 17, 1986

===1970 Interview in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner=== 
* In my organizational work, I have never thought in terms of my &quot;making a contribution.&quot; I just thought of myself as functioning where there was a need. And if I have made a contribution I think it may be that I had some influence on a large number of people.

* As assistant field secretary of the branches of the NAACP, much of my work was in the South. At that time the NAACP was the leader on the cutting edge of social change. I remember when NAACP membership in the South was the basis for getting beaten up or even killed.

* You would go into areas where people were not yet organized in the NAACP and try to get them more involved. Maybe you would start with some simple thing like the fact that they had no street lights, or the fact that in the given area somebody had been arrested or had been jailed in a manner that was considered illegal and unfair, and the like. You would deal with whatever the local problem was, and on the basis of the needs of the people you would try to organize them in the NAACP.

* Black people who were living in the South were constantly living with violence. Part of the job was to help them to understand what that violence was and how they in an organized fashion could help to stem it. The major job was getting people to understand that they had something within their power that they could use, and it could only be used if they understood what was happening and how group action could counter violence even when it was perpetrated by the police or, in some instances, the state.

* My basic sense of it has always been to get people to understand that in the long run they themselves are the only protection they have against violence or injustice.

* People have to be made to understand that they cannot look for salvation anywhere but to themselves.

* When the 1954 Supreme Court decision on school desegregation came, I was serving as chairman of the Educational Committee of the New York branch. We began to deal with the problems of de facto segregation, and the results of the de facto segregation which were evidenced largely in the achievement levels of black children, going down instead of going up after they entered public school.

* I've never believed that the people really were willing and able to pay the price of integration. From a practical standpoint, anyone who looked at the Harlem area knew that the potential for integration per se was basically impossible unless there were some radically innovative things done. And those innovative things would not be acceptable to those who ran the school system, nor to communities, nor even to the people who call themselves supporters of integration.

* I did a good deal of speaking, and I went to Queens, I went to the upper West side, and the people very eagerly said they wanted school integration. But when you raised the question of whether they would permit or would welcome Blacks to live in the same houses with them, which was the only practical way at that stage to achieve integration, they squirmed.

* to me, when people themselves know what they are looking for and recognize that they can exercise some influence by action, that's progress.

* after SNCC came into existence, of course, it opened up a new ear of struggle.

* I have always felt it was a handicap for oppressed peoples to depend so largely upon a leader, because unfortunately in our culture, the charismatic leader usually becomes a leader because he has found a spot in the public limelight. It usually means he has been touted through the public media, which means that the media made him, and the media may undo him. There is also the danger in our culture that, because a person is called upon to give public statements and is acclaimed by the establishment, such a person gets to the point of believing that he is the movement. Such people get so involved with playing the game of being important that they exhaust themselves and their time, and they don't do the work of actually organizing people.

* The movement of the '50's and '60's was carried largely by women, since it came out of church groups. It was sort of second nature to women to play a supportive role. How many made a conscious decision on the basis of the larger goals, how many on the basis of habit pattern, I don't know. But it's true that the number of women who carried the movement is much larger than that of men. Black women have had to carry this role, and I think the younger women are insisting on an equal footing.

* From the standpoint of the historical pattern of the society, which seems to assume that this (supporting roles) is the best role for women, I think that certainly the young people who are challenging this ought to be challenging it, and it ought to be changed.

* I think you have to have a certain sense of your own value, and a sense of security on your part, to be able to forgo the glamor of what the leadership role offers.

* I have always thought what is needed is the development of people who are interested not in being leaders as much as in developing leadership among other people.

* Every time I see a young person who has come through the system to a stage where he could profit from the system and identify with it, but who identifies more with the struggle of black people who have not had his chance, every time I find such a person I take new hope. I feel a new life as a result of

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Ella Baker}}
{{Commons cat|Ella Baker}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Baker, Ella}}
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:1903 births]]
[[Category:1986 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Norfolk]]
[[Category:African Americans]]</text>
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      <text bytes="7993" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Ella Baker|Ella Baker]]''' (December 13, 1903&amp;nbsp;– December 13, 1986) was an [[African-American]] [[civil rights]] and [[human rights]] activist. She was a largely behind-the-scenes organizer whose career spanned more than five decades. She worked alongside some of the most famous civil rights leaders of the 20th century, including [[W. E. B. Du Bois]], [[Thurgood Marshall]], [[A. Philip Randolph]], and [[Martin Luther King Jr.]] She also mentored many emerging activists, such as [[w:Diane Nash|Diane Nash]], [[Stokely Carmichael]], [[Rosa Parks]], and [[w:Bob Moses (activist)|Bob Moses]].
{{political-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Remember, we are not fighting for the freedom of the Negro alone, but for the freedom of the human spirit, a larger freedom that encompasses all mankind.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/22/opinion/22collins.html? &quot;The Women Behind the Men&quot;] by Gail Collins in the ''The New York Times'', September 22, 2007

* Until the killing of black men, black mothers' sons, becomes as important to the rest of the country as the killing of a white mother's son, we who believe in freedom cannot rest until this happens. (1964)
**Grant, Joanne, film, ''Fundi: The Story of Ella Baker'' (Icarus Films, 1981)

* The development of the individual to his highest potential for the benefit of the group.
**''The Eyes on the Prize Civil Rights Reader: documents, speeches and firsthand accounts from the Black Freedom Struggle, 1954–1990'', ed. Clayborne Carson et al. (Penguin Books, 1991), p. 121.

* Strong people do not need strong leaders.
**[http://www.ellabakerschool.net/resources/about-ella-baker/ella-bakers-life Ella Baker's Life] from the Ella Baker School, accessed 24 February 2015

* &quot;You didn't see me on television, you didn't see news stories about me,&quot; she told two writers, Ellen Cantarow and Susan Gushee O'Malley. &quot;The kind of role that I tried to play was to pick up pieces or put together pieces out of which I hoped organization might come. My theory is, strong people don't need strong leaders.&quot;
** ''The New York Times'', Obituary, by C. Gerald Fraser, December 17, 1986

===1970 Interview in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner=== 
* In my organizational work, I have never thought in terms of my &quot;making a contribution.&quot; I just thought of myself as functioning where there was a need. And if I have made a contribution I think it may be that I had some influence on a large number of people.

* As assistant field secretary of the branches of the NAACP, much of my work was in the South. At that time the NAACP was the leader on the cutting edge of social change. I remember when NAACP membership in the South was the basis for getting beaten up or even killed.

* You would go into areas where people were not yet organized in the NAACP and try to get them more involved. Maybe you would start with some simple thing like the fact that they had no street lights, or the fact that in the given area somebody had been arrested or had been jailed in a manner that was considered illegal and unfair, and the like. You would deal with whatever the local problem was, and on the basis of the needs of the people you would try to organize them in the NAACP.

* Black people who were living in the South were constantly living with violence. Part of the job was to help them to understand what that violence was and how they in an organized fashion could help to stem it. The major job was getting people to understand that they had something within their power that they could use, and it could only be used if they understood what was happening and how group action could counter violence even when it was perpetrated by the police or, in some instances, the state.

* My basic sense of it has always been to get people to understand that in the long run they themselves are the only protection they have against violence or injustice.

* People have to be made to understand that they cannot look for salvation anywhere but to themselves.

* When the 1954 Supreme Court decision on school desegregation came, I was serving as chairman of the Educational Committee of the New York branch. We began to deal with the problems of de facto segregation, and the results of the de facto segregation which were evidenced largely in the achievement levels of black children, going down instead of going up after they entered public school.

* I've never believed that the people really were willing and able to pay the price of integration. From a practical standpoint, anyone who looked at the Harlem area knew that the potential for integration per se was basically impossible unless there were some radically innovative things done. And those innovative things would not be acceptable to those who ran the school system, nor to communities, nor even to the people who call themselves supporters of integration.

* I did a good deal of speaking, and I went to Queens, I went to the upper West side, and the people very eagerly said they wanted school integration. But when you raised the question of whether they would permit or would welcome Blacks to live in the same houses with them, which was the only practical way at that stage to achieve integration, they squirmed.

* to me, when people themselves know what they are looking for and recognize that they can exercise some influence by action, that's progress.

* after SNCC came into existence, of course, it opened up a new ear of struggle.

* I have always felt it was a handicap for oppressed peoples to depend so largely upon a leader, because unfortunately in our culture, the charismatic leader usually becomes a leader because he has found a spot in the public limelight. It usually means he has been touted through the public media, which means that the media made him, and the media may undo him. There is also the danger in our culture that, because a person is called upon to give public statements and is acclaimed by the establishment, such a person gets to the point of believing that he is the movement. Such people get so involved with playing the game of being important that they exhaust themselves and their time, and they don't do the work of actually organizing people.

* The movement of the '50's and '60's was carried largely by women, since it came out of church groups. It was sort of second nature to women to play a supportive role. How many made a conscious decision on the basis of the larger goals, how many on the basis of habit pattern, I don't know. But it's true that the number of women who carried the movement is much larger than that of men. Black women have had to carry this role, and I think the younger women are insisting on an equal footing.

* From the standpoint of the historical pattern of the society, which seems to assume that this (supporting roles) is the best role for women, I think that certainly the young people who are challenging this ought to be challenging it, and it ought to be changed.

* I think you have to have a certain sense of your own value, and a sense of security on your part, to be able to forgo the glamor of what the leadership role offers.

* I have always thought what is needed is the development of people who are interested not in being leaders as much as in developing leadership among other people.

* Every time I see a young person who has come through the system to a stage where he could profit from the system and identify with it, but who identifies more with the struggle of black people who have not had his chance, every time I find such a person I take new hope. I feel a new life as a result of

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Ella Baker}}
{{Commons cat|Ella Baker}}

* [https://ellabakercenter.org/ Ella Baker Center]
* [https://snccdigital.org/people/ella-baker/ SNCC page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Baker, Ella}}
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:1903 births]]
[[Category:1986 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Norfolk]]
[[Category:African Americans]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>First lines in animated TV shows</title>
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      <text bytes="38056" xml:space="preserve">==Animated TV shows==
* I am so behind on my spring shopping! I do this every year.
**Who: Tricia
**Source: ''[[6teen]]'' (2004-2010)

*Watch it! The door sticks a little!
**Who: Miranda Hatcher
**Source: ''Abby Hatcher'' (2019-2022)

*Ah, it’s a beautiful night for a stroll, eh, Carl?
**Who: Jimmy Neutron
**Source: ''[[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius]]'' (2002-2006)

* Yeah, you think you're pretty way up there but I can get you!
**Who: Jake
**Source: ''[[Adventure Time]]'' (2010-2018)

* Gumball, don't forget to take that DVD back today or we'll get a fine.
**Who: Nicole Watterson
**Source: ''[[The Amazing World of Gumball]]'' (2011-2019)

* Shut up, Steve. I have a term paper due.
** Who: Hayley Smith
** Source: ''[[American Dad!]]'' (2005–present)

* Gentlemen! Vegetables have threatened man for generations. I have obtained funds to solve this vegetable nightmare!
**Who: Dr. Weird
**Source: ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' (2000-2015)

* Come with me.
**Who: [[w:List of Arthur characters#D.W. Read|D.W. Read]]
**Source: ''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]'' (1996-2022)

* He's here!
**Who: Rupert Thorne
**Source: ''[[The Batman]]'' (2004-2008)

*Whoo-hoo!
**Who: Blaze
**Source: ''Blaze and the Monster Machines'' (2014-present)

*And if you look out your window, you'll see the Amazon Rainforest. Home to more plants and animals than the rest of the world put together.
**Who: Airplane announcer
**Source: ''[[Brandy &amp; Mr. Whiskers]]'' (2004-2006)

*Listen, pep talk. Big day today. It's our grand re-re-reopening. It's Labor Day weekend, and it looks like Wonder Wharf is getting mobbed, so we have...
**Who: Bob Belcher
**Source: ''[[Bob's Burgers]]'' (2011-present)

* I think it bobbed.
**Who: [[w:List of Camp Lazlo characters#Chip and Skip|Skip]]
**Source: ''[[Camp Lazlo]]'' (2005-2008)

* The war had been raging for as long I could remember. I lost my father to the war. I lost my mother to the war. And this was my only friend left in the world. Chaos, blood shed, and battle was the only life we'd ever known.
** Who: Horse
** Source: ''[[Centaurworld]]'' (2021)

*OUCH! Oh boy.
**Who: Joe Tabootie
**Source: ''[[ChalkZone]]'' (2002-2005; 2008)

* I'll read these books to you when we get home, okay, Corduroy?
**Who: Lisa
**Source: ''[[Corduroy (TV series)|Corduroy]]'' (2000-2001)

* Ah, today's gonna be a good day. Aah! Aahh! Ow! Oof! Oh, great- there goes breakfast. Ow! My foot! Stupid thing! OW! My foot! Stupid thing! See? I learned. Ow! Don't even know why I put that lamp there in the first place. What the heck would you make a swinging lamp for? Makes me want to burn down the 70s. Ow! Oof! Was that an armadillo? I'm gonna laugh when you're roadkill. What the- Not my car! Cactus needles, red dirt, Adobe... ''NEEEW MEXICOOOOOOOO!!!'' (Show and episode title appear)
**Who: Dan
**Source: ''[[Dan Vs.]]'' (2011-2013)

* So, Danny... You and your little friends want to hunt ghosts?
**Who: Jack Fenton
**Source: ''[[Danny Phantom]]'' (2004-2007)

* Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town -- especially for you, Daria, right?
**Who: Jake
**Source: ''[[Daria]]'' (1997-2001)

*Dee Dee! Can you please check if your brother is ready for school?
**Who: Dexter's Mom
**Source: ''[[Dexter's Laboratory]]'' (1996-2003)

* Hi, I'm Dora. What's your name?
**Who: Dora Márquez
**Source: ''[[Dora the Explorer]]'' (2000-2019)

* &quot;Four thousand eight hundred and twenty, four thousand eight hundred and twenty-four–ooh, I like what you've done with that tunnel–four thousand eight hundred and thirty-one, four thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, that's everybody. Four thousand eight hundred and... thirty-seven.&quot;
**Who: Edd
**Source: ''[[Ed, Edd, n Eddy]]'' (1999–2009)

* Manny, I'm home. How are you kids doing?
**Who: Rodolfo
**Source: ''[[El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera]]'' (2007-2008)

*Thanks for babysitting tonight, Vicky. Timmy just loves making new friends, don't you Timmy?
**Who: Mr. Turner
*Ready, Cosmo?
**Who: Wanda
**Source: ''[[The Fairly OddParents]]'' (2001-2018)

*Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket.
**Who: Jan Brady
**Source: ''[[Family Guy]]'' (1999-present)

*And lastly, there was a misprint on today's cafeteria menu. &quot;Meat Larf&quot; should read... &quot;Meat ''Lard''.&quot;
**Who: Mr. Mufflin
**Source: ''[[Fanboy and Chum Chum]]'' (2009-2012)

* The outcome was never in our favor, Gary.
**Who: H.U.E.
**Source: ''[[Final Space]]'' (2018-present)

* Smile for the camera.
**Who: Yearbook Photographer
**Source: ''[[Fish Hooks]]'' (2010-2014)

* Wait, stop! I just wanna punch you!
**Who: Terrance
**Source: ''[[Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends]]'' (2004-2009)

* Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and the gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
**Who: Fry
**Source: ''[[Futurama]]'' (1999-2013)

* Just east of Northwestville and south of Gubai, a town known as Glurfsburg might catch your eye. Our story starts here; who knows what’s in store? It begins with a kite, then… SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! That's a ninja! This is Dr. Seuss, so I wasn’t expecting a n– oh, WHY WOULD YOU CUT THE LINE?!?!
**Who: Narrator
**Source: ''Green Eggs and Ham'' (2019 - present)

*So, what do you guys wanna show me?
**Who: Harvey Beaks
**Source: ''[[Harvey Beaks]]'' (2015-2017)

*Guess we can skip the encore.
**Who: Ami Onuki
**Source: ''[[Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi]]'' (2004-2006)

* Small, get in here!
**Who: Coach McGuirk
**Source: ''[[Home Movies (TV series)|Home Movies]]'' (1999-2004)

*Welcome to Horseland!
**Who: Shep
**Source: ''[[w:Horseland (TV Series)|Horseland]]'' (2006-2008)

* Welcome, brave Irken soldiers. Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet. Please, proceed to the docking ring and take the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface!
**Who: Announcer
**Source: ''[[Invader Zim]]'' (2001–2006)

* SQUAWK! SQUAWK! Good morning, birds! SQUAWK! (laughs) Good morning, ol' rusty sign! Another perfect day in Seaside By the Seashore, my new home!
**Who: Arlo Beauregard
**Source: ''[[w:I Heart Arlo|I Heart Arlo]]'' (2021-present)

* My name is Leslie McGroarty. I'm a city girl, and the big city is my home. Most of my boys called me boisterous and hog-wild, that's because I fight these dorks, I played video games, I jammed to my rock music and I can skateboarding. I love to have fun, and I'm having a lot more fun, because I'm a tomboy!
**Who: Leslie McGroarty
**Source: ''[[The Itsy Bitsy Spider]]'' (1994–1996)

*It was a crisp, clear fall morning in Tarrytown. Jay Jay, Tracy and Herky decided to go on a fun morning flight. But, there was also excitement in the air for young Tracy, because she had a very special day ahead of her.
**Who: Narrator
**Source: ''[[Jay Jay the Jet Plane]]'' (1998-2005)

*Ladies and gentlemen, behold the world's greatest daredevil: Kick Buttowski! (pause) Kick! Kick, are you ok?.
**Who: Gunther Magnuson
**Source: ''[[Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil]]'' (2010-2012)

*I'll tell you what my truck needs: Leadership. Detroit hasn't felt any real pride since George Bush went to Japan and vomited on their auto executives.
**Who: Hank Hill
**Source: ''[[King of the Hill]]'' (1997-2010)

* Do you have everything you need for your first day? Paper, pencils, spark plugs, lemon drops?
**Who: Charlene
**Source: ''[[Making Fiends (TV series)|Making Fiends]]'' (2008)

* Come in, Truman.
**Who: Helen
**Source: ''[[Martha Speaks (TV series)|Martha Speaks]]'' (2008-2014)

* Hey everyone, it's me Molly!
**Who: Molly Mabray
**Note: Heard in the theme song that opens every episode. But, Molly is still the first character to speak in the first episode of the show.
* Ha! Looks like the poster for our show turned out pretty well.
**Who: Molly Mabray
**Source: ''[[Molly of Denali]]'' (2019-present)

* Commander Andru, the Glorft have found us. Perimeter defenses are failing. We're being overrun.
**Who: Earth Coaliton Captain
**Source: ''[[Megas XLR]]'' (2004-2005)

* We'll get you down, Whiskers.
**Who: Firefighter 1
**Source: ''[[Men in Black: The Series]]'' (1997-2001)

* Hey everybody, it's me Mickey Mouse. Say, do you wanna come inside my Clubhouse? (pause) Well, all right, Let's go! Oh, I almost forgot. To make the Clubhouse appear, we get to say the magic words: Meeska, Mooska, Mickey Mouse! Say it with me. Meeska, Mooska, Mickey Mouse!
**Note: Catchphrase that opens every episode except for &quot;Mickey's Great Clubhouse Hunt&quot;. But, Mickey Mouse is still the first character to speak in the first episode of the series.
* Welcome to our Clubhouse! Are you ready to play? Swell!
**Who: ''[[w:Mickey Mouse (character)|Mickey Mouse]]''
**Source: ''[[Mickey Mouse Clubhouse]]'' (2006-2016)

*Yo, Seismo! Hey man, what you ups to?
**Who: Zorch
**Source: ''[[Mixels]]'' (2014-2016)

* Stupid dog! You made me look bad!
**Who: Eustace Bagge
**Note: Heard in the opening credits that opens every episode. But, Eustace is still the first character to speak in the first episode of the show.
**Source: ''[[Courage the Cowardly Dog]]'' (1996-2002)

* I'm Mr. Frog. This is my show. I eat the bug. I ate the bug. This is the end. I love you.
**Who: Mr. Frog
**Source: ''Smiling Friends'' (2022-present)

*Your performance... is disappointing.
**Who: Ghost Council member
**Source: ''[[The Ghost and Molly McGee]]'' (2021-present)

*Well, Professor Knight, how'd I do?
**Who: Tylor Tuskmon
**Source: ''[[Monsters at Work]]'' (2021-present)

*Another perfect day in my hometown. Population: not very many. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and I'm doing a little sketching under my favorite tree.
**Who: Blythe Baxter
**Source: ''[[Littlest Pet Shop (2012 TV series)]]'' (2012-2016)

*Special Delivery from the Middlemost Post!
**Who: Parker J. Cloud
**Source: ''[[Middlemost Post]]'' (2021-present)

* OK. So, Cat and I are on a farm.
**Who: Peg
**Source: ''Peg + Cat'' (2014-2018)

* The school concert is tomorrow, Max. And I get to play, &quot;Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star&quot;!
**Who: Ruby
**Source: ''Max &amp; Ruby'' (2003-2019)

* Heh-heh-ha-ha-ha! Woo-hoo!!!
**Who 1: Norma Khan
* Hey!
**Who 2: Courtney
**Note: Heard in the theme song that opens every episode, but Norma and Courtney are still the first characters to speak in the first episode of the series.
**Source: ''Dead End: Paranormal Park'' (2022-present)

*Welcome to the City of Frank. 85 trillion cells and still growing, which is getting to be a big problem. Y'see, when a body gets this old and congested, there's a lot more upkeep. And in Frank, everybody's workin' overtime. I should know. The name's Jones. Osmosis Jones. I'm a cop. That's my partner Drix. He's a pill, but he's cool. We got a tip that Scarlet Fever's visiting a chop shop south of the stomach, below the beltway, deep in bowel town. I've been after this bad booty bacteria half my life. He wasn't gettin' away this time.
**Who: Osmosis Jones
**Source: ''[[Ozzy &amp; Drix]]'' (2002-2004)

* Hey! This is an interactive show. That means you gotta select the correct answers. (gets a pillar dropped on by Rowdy) (weakly) Enjoy the show...
**Who: Peanut
**Source: ''Cat Burglar'' (2022)

* Alright, Beef Burrito. I'm gonna give you one more chance to take back what you said about my mom! I'LL ''KILL'' YOU!
**Who: Rigby
**Source: ''[[Regular Show]]'' (2010-2017)

*(howls) Rubble on the double! Whee!
**Who: Rubble
**Source: ''[[PAW Patrol]]'' (2013-present)

* So Ferb, what do you wanna do today? What about Perry? What does he wanna do? Well, he is a platypus. They don't do much. I, for one, am starting to get bored. And boredom is something I will not put. The first thing they're gonna ask us when we get back to school is what we did over the summer! I mean, no school for three months; our lives should be a rollercoaster. And I mean a good rollercoaster. Not like the one we rode at the Street Fair. Man, that was lame. Why, if I built a rollercoaster, I would... That's it! I know what we're gonna do today!
**Who: Phineas Flynn 
**Source: ''[[Phineas and Ferb (season 1)|Phineas and Ferb]]'' (2007-2015)

*Uh, out of my seat, shortstack!
**Who: Pierce Pocket
**Source: ''Polly Pocket'' (2018-present)

*Morty! You gotta come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me.
**Who: Rick
**Source: ''[[Rick and Morty]]'' (2013-present)

*Wow, the base is loaded with two outs and Johnny Hitswell is up to bat. We might actually win the game for a change.
**Who: Todd Daring
**Source: ''[[The Replacements (TV series)|The Replacements]]'' (2006-2009)

* Once again, I am free to smite the world as I did in days long past.
**Who: Aku
**Source: ''[[Samurai Jack]]'' (2001-2017)

*All right, Yay!
**Who: Eric Needles
**Source: ''[[Sidekick (TV series)|Sidekick]]'' (2010-2013)

* Ooh, careful, Homer.
**Who: Marge Simpson
**Source: ''[[The Simpsons]]'' (1989-present)

* School days, school days, teacher's golden ru...
**Who: Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick
**Source: ''[[South Park]]'' (1997-present)

* Captain's log, Stardate 57436.2. The Cerritos is docked at Douglas Station for routine maintenance and resupply. We will soon set course for the capital planet of the Galar system, where we're scheduled to make second contact with the Galardonian High Council. First contact is a delicate, high-stakes operation of diplomacy. One must be ready for anything when Humanity is interacting with alien race for the first time. But we don't do that. Our specialty is second contact. Still pretty important. We get all the paperwork signed, make sure we're spelling the name of the planet right, get to know all the good places to eat.
**Who: Brad Boimler
**Source: ''[[Star Trek: Lower Decks]]'' (2020-present)

* It's no use Sparkleface. We'll be trapped in the candy dungeon, FOREVER!
**Who: Butterbean
**Note: If not counting the character from a TV show inside a TV show, Raven is the first real character to speak.
* Don't give up Butterbean. Great! Right in the middle of the best part of Pretty Pretty Pegasus!
**Who: Raven
**Source: ''[[Teen Titans Go!]]'' (2013-present)

* Timothy, You have mail.
**Who: Timothy's Mom
**Source: ''[[Timothy Goes to School]]'' (2000-2001)

* All right, you guys, settle down. With a little luck, they may never find out we're aboard. We can sleep here every night, mingle with passengers during the day. Benny can slip us some food from the dining room. We'll have a ball. Okay, Spook, what was in that suitcase?
**Who: Top Cat
**Source: ''[[Top Cat]]'' (1961–1962)

*For as long as anyone can remember, the happiest, the sunniest, singingest creatures in all the world were my people, the Trolls.
**Who: Queen Poppy
**Source: ''Trolls: The Beat Goes On!'' (2018-2019)

* UGH!! I hate red lights! Come on, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!!
** Who: Amethyst Van der Troll
** Source: ''Trollz'' (2005-2007)

* Oh my gosh, I'm so excited I'm gonna explode!
**Who: Unikitty
**Source: ''[[Unikitty!]]'' (2017-2020)

* (giggles) Try to catch me!
**Who: Demi
**Source: ''[[Vampirina]]'' (2017-2021)

* Happy Valentines Day, Todd!
**Who: Dana
**Source: ''[[Wayside]]'' (2007-2008)

* Hi there!
**Who: Xavier Riddle
**Source: ''[[Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum]]'' (2019-present)

* Claire McCallister is about to go on a business trip, and leave a babysitter in charge of her son, the mischievous boy genius, Tobey.
**Who: Narrator
**Source: ''[[WordGirl]]'' (2007-2015)

===''DC Animated Universe''===
*Now, Isis, my sweet. -- Perfect my love! Let's go home.
**Who: Catwoman
**Source: ''[[Batman: The Animated Series]]'' (1992-1995)

*Northern Region, Sector 17 Alpha, log date 8313 Omega 3, Jor-El speaking, gathering readings for final subterranean probe.
**Who: Jor-El
**Source: ''[[Superman: The Animated Series]]'' (1996-2000)

*I'm depressed, Red. Here in this holiday time and we're hiding out in this dingy rattrap. No presents, no fun, no nothing. Can't we at least, get a Christmas tree.
**Who: Harleen Quinzel
**Source: ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]'' (1997-1999)

*Big news in the financial world today. Once again, Billionaire Bruce Wayne has averted an attempted takeover of his company, by Derek Powers of Powers Technology. Powers vowed that he is not through yet and speculation has seen in stock in both men's companies hit all-time high's. Still no word from the kidnappers of debutante, Bunny Vreeland following a ransom payment five million dollars.
**Who: TV Announcer
**Source: ''[[Batman Beyond]]'' (1999-2001)

*Speed it up! We don't have all night.
**Who: Robber 1
**Source: ''[[Static Shock]]'' (2000-2004)

*Bennett.
**Who: Agent Bennett
**Source: ''[[The Zeta Project]]'' (2001-2002)

*Would you look at that. A little slice of heaven.
**Who: J. Allen Carter
**Source: ''[[Justice League (TV series)|Justice League]]'' (2001-2004)

*Everybody down, down!
**Who: Robber
**Source: ''[[Justice League Unlimited]]'' (2004-2006)

===''The Owl House''===
*Foolish child! I could swallow you whole!
**Who: Gildersnake (Season 1A)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

*Partake of my free snack samples! Take it! I demand it as your ruler, the King of Demons!
**Who: King (Season 1B)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

*Foolish child! Leave this place before I get mad!
**Who: The weird monster (Season 2A)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

*¡Hola, Mamá! I know you don’t want me staying in the Demon Realm, but I’m recording this because I think we can find a middle ground.
**Who: Luz Noceda (Season 2B)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

===''Bluey''===
* Morning, balloons! I mean...morning, last balloon.
**Who: Bluey Christine Heeler (Series 1)
**Source: ''[[Bluey]]'' (2018-present)

* Excuse me? Yes, over here!
**Who: Chilli Heeler (Series 2)
**Source: ''[[Bluey]]'' (2018-present)

*OK! Let's make some Father's Day cards for Dad.
**Who: Chilli Heeler (Series 3)
**Source: ''[[Bluey]]'' (2018-present)

===''Elliott from Earth''===
* I gotta take these upstairs. You okay watching the store for a bit?
**Who: Gas station shop owner
**Source: ''[[Elliott from Earth]]'' (2021-present)

===''The Cuphead Show!''===
* Cuphead? Mugman?
* Yes, Elder Kettle?
**Who: Elder Kettle, Cuphead, and Mugman (Part 1)
**Source: ''The Cuphead Show!'' (2022-present)

===''Hilda''===
* See that, Twig? It's a troll rock! Trolls don't usually come far down the mountain. I've got to draw this!
**Who: Hilda (Season 1)
**Source: ''Hilda'' (2018-present)

* We're coming for you!
**Who: Hilda (Season 2)
**Source: ''Hilda'' (2018-present)

* Ah!
**Who: Hilda
**Source: ''Hilda and The Mountain King'' (2021)

===''The Proud Family''===
* GEYEOUCH!!!
**Who: Oscar Proud
**Note: Heard at the end of the theme song that opens every episode.
* Alright ladies...and Michael.
**Who: Dijonay Jones
**Source: ''[[The Proud Family]]'' (2001-2006)

* Wha..? I'm...so...HIP!!! WOO!!!
**Who: Penny Proud
**Source: ''The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder'' (2022-present)

===''Elinor Wonders Why''===
* What should we play today at recess?
**Who: Olive Elephant (Season 1A)
**Source: ''[[Elinor Wonders Why]]'' (2020-present)

* Olive, look how much our baby plants has grown!
**Who: Elinor Rabbit (Season 1B)
**Source: ''[[Elinor Wonders Why]]'' (2020-present)

===''DuckTales''===
*Scrooge McDuck, he had a vault, E-I-E-I-O. And in this vault, he had some dough, E-I-E-I-O. Ah, there's only one thing better than owning a vault full of cold-hard cash, and that's swimming in it! I love to dive around in it like a porpoise, and burrow through it like a gopher and toss it up and let it hit me on the head. Curse me kilts, I'm late!
**Who: Scrooge McDuck
**Source: ''[[DuckTales (1987 TV Series)|DuckTales]]'' (1987-1990)

*HEY!!
**Who: Sailor (Season 1A)

*Aw, come on, a little lightning never killed anyone.
**Who: Launchpad McQuack (Season 1B)

*Dew-dew-dew-dewey dewing it again. We're dewing it again, yeah.
**Who: Dewey Duck (Season 2A)

*Dumb earth gravity... won't... keep... me... from... the kids. Okay, first impression is the only impression. You gotta nail this. Greetings, children! Hellooooo! Oh, hey, didn't see you there. Simple, sincere. It's just the most important moment of your life.
**Who: Della Duck (Season 2B)

*Legacy, passing the torch to a new generation. The knowledge of the old mixes with the discoveries of the new into that flavorful gumbo called tomorrow. You are that gumbo! Welcome to the Calisota Junior Woodchuck Graduation!
**Who: Launchpad McQuack (Season 3A)

*F.O.W.L., the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny, is back. Long thought to have been eliminated by agents of S.H.U.S.H., they've risen again, led by a devious traitor.
**Who: Bentina Beakley (Season 3B)
**Source: ''[[DuckTales (2017 TV series)|DuckTales]]'' (2017-2021)

===''Gravity Falls''===
* Ah, summer break. A time of leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy. Unless you're me. My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
**Who: Dipper Pines (Season 1A)

* Ladies and gentlemen, we now return to Cash Wheel! Sponsored by Chip-ackers: The chip-flavored crackers.
**Who: TV Announcer (Season 1B)

* Thirty long years and it's all lead up to this, my greatest achievement!
**Who: Stanley Pines (Season 2A)

* Wait up!
**Who: Young Stanford Pines (Season 2B)
**Source: ''[[Gravity Falls]]'' (2012-2016)

===''Star vs. the Forces of Evil''===
*(narration) Far, far away, on a magical land called Mewni lived a princess, Star Butterfly. (spoken) RAIL SLIDE!!!! (narration) Some people have called me reckless and irresponsible just because, I fight monsters and tame wild unicorns. I like to have a lot of fun and I'm about have a whole lot more because today is 14th birthday, and according to tradition, my mom the queen has to bestow upon me our greatest family heirloom: the royal magic wand!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 1)

*Guess who? It's me, Star! I have some exciting news for you. Well first, Marco got kidnapped, and I had to blow up a bunch of stuff including my wand, and I was super bummed, because I thought was never gonna do magic again, but then I got my new wan.. My new wand! Oh yeah, and Marco's okay. Say hi, Marco!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 2A)

*You know what, Jackie, can I call you back? Look Star, this is a stressful situation I get that, but would it kill you to slow down for a second? You're kind of going overboard. I mean, do you really have to pack this vintage laptop and this purple-y bubbly tea thingy? Why don't you try some breathing excerises?
**Who: Marco Diaz (Season 2B)

*Did you hear that?
**Who: Angie Diaz (Season 3A)

*Mama, I need to talk to you! I can't believe it!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 3B)

*Oh! Not bad, me!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 4A)

*Look, Hannah, something's happening!
**Who: Quasar Caterpillar (Season 4B)
**Source: ''[[Star vs. the Forces of Evil]]'' (2015-2019)

===''My Little Pony''===
====''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic''====
* Once upon a time, in a magical land of Equestria... There were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn. The younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects: -All the different types of ponies. But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon. She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night. Reluctantly, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: The Elements of Harmony! Using the magic of the Elements of Harmony, she defeated her younger sister and banished her permanently in the moon. The elder sister took on responsibility for...
* ...both sun and moon...
* ...and harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since. Hmm... Elements of Harmony. I know I've heard of those before... but where?
** Who: Narrator and Twilight Sparkle (Season 1)
** Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*I want to start our field trip here, in the world-famous Canterlot Sculpture Garden.
**Who: Cheerilee (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*News from northern Equestria! Uh...Your Highness.
**Who: A Guard (Season 3)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*You gotta really flap 'em hard!
**Who: Rainbow Dash (Season 4)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Let's go through this one more time.
**Who: Twilight Sparkle (Season 5A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Was that the pony post?
**Who: Rarity (Season 5B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Okay. Library, library... where did they put the library? 
**Who: Starlight Glimmer (Season 6A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Well, don't stop there! You read, I pack. That’s the deal.
**Who: Rainbow Dash (Season 6B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Hey, Spike. What's up?
**Who: Starlight Glimmer (Season 7A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Care for a carrot-ginger sandwich?
**Who: Fluttershy (Season 7B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*This happened while we were gone?
**Who: Twilight Sparkle (Season 8A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Who can tell me what these are?
**Who: Twilight Sparkle (Season 8B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Oh, good. We're all here.
**Who: Fluttershy (Season 9A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*I thought Pinkie Pie said to get here right away.
**Who: Rainbow Dash (Season 9B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

====Misc.====
* I've always loved you but...'''''YOU'VE RUINED ME!!!'''''
** Who: Rarity
** Source: ''My Little Pony: Pony Life'' (2020-2021)

===''Big City Greens''===
* HAHAHAHAHHHHHH!!! Oh, hi there! We're your new neighbors. My name's Cricket. Cricket Green. Hey, where ya goin'? Oh, okay, you're busy that's fine. Well stop by anytime!
**Who: Cricket Green (Season 1A)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)
**Note: Quote was from &quot;Space Chicken&quot;, which is technically the second episode chronologically but the first produced as a pilot. The &quot;official&quot; first line was, &quot;Movin' to Gramma's house, oh, we're movin' to Gramma's house, oh, we're movin' to Gramma's houuuuuuuse!&quot;

*And a one, and a two, and a JUMP!
**Who: Tilly Green (Season 1B)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*&quot;No trespassing,&quot; huh? Well Nancy Green ain't tresspassing, she's liberatin'.
**Who: Nancy Green (Season 1C)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*Look alive, Cricket. The boss Ms. Cho will be here any minute.
**Who: Gloria Sato (Season 2A)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*Upsy daisy, Gramma! C'mon, family! Follow the sound of my voice!
**Who: Cricket Green (Season 2B)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*Oh, this is awful!
*You wouldn't believe it!
*It's terrible! 
*What are we gonna do?!
**Who: The Green Family (Season 2C)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*How we doin' on untangling those lights, ladies?
**Who: Bill Green (Season 3A part 1)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)
**Note: Although it's not really the first line in Season 3. The season premiere was supposed to be &quot;Boss Life&quot;. That means the first line in Season 3 was supposed to be &quot;Comin' right up!&quot; by Cricket Green.

*Order of quiet and I said, no, no.
**Who: Cricket Green (Season 3A part 2)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

===''Amphibia''===
* Good night, you frogs!
**Who: Walliam Ribbiton aka One-Eyed Wally (Season 1A)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* Iced flies! Get your iced flies here!
**Who: Unknown Frog (Season 1B)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* Help, it's been three months. Still up here.
**Who: Unknown Frog (Season 2A)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)
**Note: Although &quot;Handy Anne&quot; is the season premiere, it could also be the second episode of the season if the first one was &quot;The Shut In&quot;, even though it's a non-canon. If the Halloween episode was the season premiere, then the first line of the season would be &quot;Happy Shut In!&quot; by an unknown frog.

* Check it out, Polly. If we cross from here to here, we'll be home by morning.
**Who: Sprig Plantar (Season 2B)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* What the...?!
* Aah! What is that thing?!
* What is that thing?!
**Who: The Plantar Family (Season 3A)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* OK, this is getting hard to ignore, X. What do you know about these amphibious extraterrestrials?
**Who: FBI Chief (Season 3B)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)
**Note: Although, this is not really the first line of Season 3B. The mid-season premiere was supposed to be &quot;Commander Anne&quot;. That means the first line of Season 3B was supposed to be &quot;What happened to this place?!&quot;.

===''Animaniacs''===
* Newsreel of the Stars. Dateline: Hollywood, 1930, the Warner Bros. Studio, home of the biggest stars in Tinsel Town. Here at the studio's new animation department, the artists toil endlessly to come up with cartoon stars, ultimately creating three new characters-- the Warner Brothers and their sister, Dot.
**Who: Narrator
* Helloooo Nurse!
**Who: Yakko, Wakko, and Dot
**Source: ''[[Animaniacs]]'' (1993-1998)

* Alan, this species of cartoon has been extinct since 1998. I mean these haven't been seen on TV since the golden era of animation! What?
**Who: Dr. Ellie Sattler (Season 1)
**Source: ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020-present)

* Free togas! Show your folks you've been to Rome, by wearing T-toga!
**Who: Yakko Warner (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020-present)

===''SpongeBob SquarePants''===
* Ah, the sea... so fascinating. So wonderful. Here we see Bikini Bottom teeming with life. Home of one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.
**Who: French Narrator
**Note: Although, if not counting the French Narrator, SpongeBob is the first character to speak.
*Today's the big day, Gary! Look at me, I'm NAKED!!!!! I gotta be in top physical condition for today, Gary!
**Who: ''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants (character)|SpongeBob SquarePants]]''
**Source: ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' (1999-present)

*First catch!
**Who: &quot;First Catch&quot; sign
**Note: SpongeBob is still technically the first character to speak.
*Huh? [sighs] That dream again. That jelly-riffic dream. Well, today's the day I'm gonna make my dream come true.
**Who: Young SpongeBob SquarePants
**Source: ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]'' (2021-present)

*The best way out of bed, is an urchin on your head.
**Who: Patrick Star
**Source: ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]'' (2021-present)

===''Steven Universe''===
*NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! This can't be happening! This has to be a dream! Lars! Lars! Please tell me I'm dreaming!
**Who: Steven Universe
**Source: ''[[Steven Universe]]'' (2013-2019)

*Mwah!
**Who: Steven Universe
**Source: ''[[Steven Universe Future]]'' (2019-2020)

===''The Loud House''===
* Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH! As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!
**Who: Hunter Spector (Season 1)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* It's the day before Christmas and there's no better time to be in the Loud House.
**Who: Lincoln Loud (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* 1797, 1798, 1799... 1800!
**Who: Loud family (Season 3)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* Gah! Lalo, what the heck, dude?
**Who: Ronnie Anne Santiago (Season 4)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* Wear lucky underwear. Check. Wear new jeans. Check. Put on best polo. Check. Things are pretty crazy around the Loud House this morning.
**Who: Lincoln Loud (Season 5)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* There's no escape, Agent Steele! Going somewhere?
**Who: MALICE Agent (Season 6)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* Dah!
**Who: Carlos Casagrande (Season 1)
**Source: ''[[The Casagrandes]]'' (2019-2022)

* I've got you now Bird-brain. There's nowhere for you to hide.
**Who: La Cobra (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[The Casagrandes]]'' (2019-2022)

* Gatos! Gatos! Gatos! Gatos!
**Who: Ronnie Anne Santiago, Sergio, and Carlos Casagrande Jr. (Season 3)
**Source: ''[[The Casagrandes]]'' (2019-2022)

===''Thomas and Friends''===
* Thomas is a tank engine who lives at the big station on the Island of Sodor. He's a cheeky little engine with six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome.
**Who: Narrator
**Note: If not counting the narrator, Thomas is the first character to speak.
*Wake up, Lazybones! Why can't you work hard like me?
**Who: Thomas
**Source: ''[[Thomas and Friends]]'' (1984–2021)

*Whoa...! And just one more track and I'll beat my &quot;Stack the Tracks&quot; record!
**Who: Thomas
**Source: ''[[Thomas and Friends: All Engines Go]]'' (2021-present)

===''Total Drama''===
* Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario, I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now! ''[moves to Dock of Shame]'' Here's the deal, twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat, ha ha, and leave Total Drama Island, for good! ''[moves to campfire pit]'' Their fate will be decided here, at the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week, all, but one camper will receive... a marshmallow. ''[takes a bite of one marshmallow]'' In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it: they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle... Black flies... ''[flies buzzing]'' Grizzly bears, ''[grizzly bear roars]'' Disgusting camp food!
**Who: Chris
**Source: ''[[Total Drama]]'' (2007-2014)

* This is Toronto, the capital of North America, birthplace of funk where the Albino panther roams free. Beneath my size-13 brogues, 18 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don. And this is ''The Ridonculous Race''!
**Who: Don
**Source: ''[[Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race]]'' (2015)

* Guys! Guys! Guys? Guess what?!
**Who: Owen
**Source: ''[[Total DramaRama]]'' (2018-present)

=== ''[[Winx Club]]'' ===
* Wake up, sleepy head! The sun's been up for ages!
** Who: Vanessa (Season 1, Cinélume version)
* Bloom, say hello to your mother for me.
** Who: Mister Genaro (Season 1, 4Kids version)

* No time. I'll be found out any second now.
** Who: Aisha/Layla (Season 2, Cinélume version)
* Summer was over and it was my first day back at Alfea. I was officially a sophomore!
** Who: Bloom (Season 2, 4Kids version)

* I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's, no, wait! I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade.
** Who: Stella (Season 3, Cinélume version)
* I'll bring this dress to Mom's for her garden tea and, let's see... hmmm, these to Dad's for the royal parade. Boy, packing for vacation when your parents are separated is way complicated. Do you think the garden tea dress should go to Dad's for open palace day?
** Who: Stella (Season 3, 4Kids version)
*I'll take this blouse to Mom's and that dress to Dad's. No, wait! I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. Oh, but then I'll need the red dress for Dad's royal parade.
** Who: Stella (Season 3, Atlas Oceanic version)

*Ah, a new year has started at Alfea.
**Who: Bloom (Season 4, Cinélume version)
*I can't believe we're back at Alfea!
**Who: Bloom (Season 4, Nickelodeon version)

*Whoo-hoo! Hello, Gardenia!
**Who: Bloom (Season 5)

*Come on, you two!
**Who: Icy (Season 6)

*Last stop, Alfea! Here we are!
**Who: Stella (Season 7)

*Look at that!
**Who: Kelli (Season 8)
**Source: ''[[Winx Club]]'' (2003-present)

*My dear Pixieville Pixies, welcome to the celebration! Once again the protection spell will defend us from all outside dangers throughout the year! At this time we'd like to celebrate The Tree of Life! Let's all give thanks to it! An energy flows inside the tree and a sparkle of that power shines in each of its MagicPops! This year more pixies will earn their MagicPop by discovering their talent and using it for good. Caramel, Martino and Amore were the last Pixies to earn a MagicPop!
**Who: Ninfea
**Source: ''PopPixie'' (2011)

*No sign of suspect in sector one.
**Who: Bloom
**Source: ''World of Winx'' (2016-2017)

==See also==
* [[Last lines in animated TV shows]]

[[Category:First lines|Animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows|*]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146201</id>
      <parentid>3146200</parentid>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="38101" xml:space="preserve">==Animated TV shows==
* I am so behind on my spring shopping! I do this every year.
**Who: Tricia
**Source: ''[[6teen]]'' (2004-2010)

*Watch it! The door sticks a little!
**Who: Miranda Hatcher
**Source: ''Abby Hatcher'' (2019-2022)

*Ah, it’s a beautiful night for a stroll, eh, Carl?
**Who: Jimmy Neutron
**Source: ''[[The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius]]'' (2002-2006)

* Yeah, you think you're pretty way up there but I can get you!
**Who: Jake
**Source: ''[[Adventure Time]]'' (2010-2018)

* Gumball, don't forget to take that DVD back today or we'll get a fine.
**Who: Nicole Watterson
**Source: ''[[The Amazing World of Gumball]]'' (2011-2019)

* Shut up, Steve. I have a term paper due.
** Who: Hayley Smith
** Source: ''[[American Dad!]]'' (2005–present)

* Gentlemen! Vegetables have threatened man for generations. I have obtained funds to solve this vegetable nightmare!
**Who: Dr. Weird
**Source: ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' (2000-2015)

* Come with me.
**Who: [[w:List of Arthur characters#D.W. Read|D.W. Read]]
**Source: ''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]'' (1996-2022)

* He's here!
**Who: Rupert Thorne
**Source: ''[[The Batman]]'' (2004-2008)

*Whoo-hoo!
**Who: Blaze
**Source: ''Blaze and the Monster Machines'' (2014-present)

*And if you look out your window, you'll see the Amazon Rainforest. Home to more plants and animals than the rest of the world put together.
**Who: Airplane announcer
**Source: ''[[Brandy &amp; Mr. Whiskers]]'' (2004-2006)

*Listen, pep talk. Big day today. It's our grand re-re-reopening. It's Labor Day weekend, and it looks like Wonder Wharf is getting mobbed, so we have...
**Who: Bob Belcher
**Source: ''[[Bob's Burgers]]'' (2011-present)

* I think it bobbed.
**Who: [[w:List of Camp Lazlo characters#Chip and Skip|Skip]]
**Source: ''[[Camp Lazlo]]'' (2005-2008)

* The war had been raging for as long I could remember. I lost my father to the war. I lost my mother to the war. And this was my only friend left in the world. Chaos, blood shed, and battle was the only life we'd ever known.
** Who: Horse
** Source: ''[[Centaurworld]]'' (2021)

*OUCH! Oh boy.
**Who: Joe Tabootie
**Source: ''[[ChalkZone]]'' (2002-2005; 2008)

* I'll read these books to you when we get home, okay, Corduroy?
**Who: Lisa
**Source: ''[[Corduroy (TV series)|Corduroy]]'' (2000-2001)

* Ah, today's gonna be a good day. Aah! Aahh! Ow! Oof! Oh, great- there goes breakfast. Ow! My foot! Stupid thing! OW! My foot! Stupid thing! See? I learned. Ow! Don't even know why I put that lamp there in the first place. What the heck would you make a swinging lamp for? Makes me want to burn down the 70s. Ow! Oof! Was that an armadillo? I'm gonna laugh when you're roadkill. What the- Not my car! Cactus needles, red dirt, Adobe... ''NEEEW MEXICOOOOOOOO!!!'' (Show and episode title appear)
**Who: Dan
**Source: ''[[Dan Vs.]]'' (2011-2013)

* So, Danny... You and your little friends want to hunt ghosts?
**Who: Jack Fenton
**Source: ''[[Danny Phantom]]'' (2004-2007)

* Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town -- especially for you, Daria, right?
**Who: Jake
**Source: ''[[Daria]]'' (1997-2001)

*Dee Dee! Can you please check if your brother is ready for school?
**Who: Dexter's Mom
**Source: ''[[Dexter's Laboratory]]'' (1996-2003)

* Hi, I'm Dora. What's your name?
**Who: Dora Márquez
**Source: ''[[Dora the Explorer]]'' (2000-2019)

* &quot;Four thousand eight hundred and twenty, four thousand eight hundred and twenty-four–ooh, I like what you've done with that tunnel–four thousand eight hundred and thirty-one, four thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, that's everybody. Four thousand eight hundred and... thirty-seven.&quot;
**Who: Edd
**Source: ''[[Ed, Edd, n Eddy]]'' (1999–2009)

* Manny, I'm home. How are you kids doing?
**Who: Rodolfo
**Source: ''[[El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera]]'' (2007-2008)

*Thanks for babysitting tonight, Vicky. Timmy just loves making new friends, don't you Timmy?
**Who: Mr. Turner
*Ready, Cosmo?
**Who: Wanda
**Source: ''[[The Fairly OddParents]]'' (2001-2018)

*Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket.
**Who: Jan Brady
**Source: ''[[Family Guy]]'' (1999-present)

*And lastly, there was a misprint on today's cafeteria menu. &quot;Meat Larf&quot; should read... &quot;Meat ''Lard''.&quot;
**Who: Mr. Mufflin
**Source: ''[[Fanboy and Chum Chum]]'' (2009-2012)

* The outcome was never in our favor, Gary.
**Who: H.U.E.
**Source: ''[[Final Space]]'' (2018-present)

* Smile for the camera.
**Who: Yearbook Photographer
**Source: ''[[Fish Hooks]]'' (2010-2014)

* Wait, stop! I just wanna punch you!
**Who: Terrance
**Source: ''[[Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends]]'' (2004-2009)

* Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and the gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
**Who: Fry
**Source: ''[[Futurama]]'' (1999-2013)

* Just east of Northwestville and south of Gubai, a town known as Glurfsburg might catch your eye. Our story starts here; who knows what’s in store? It begins with a kite, then… SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! That's a ninja! This is Dr. Seuss, so I wasn’t expecting a n– oh, WHY WOULD YOU CUT THE LINE?!?!
**Who: Narrator
**Source: ''Green Eggs and Ham'' (2019 - present)

*So, what do you guys wanna show me?
**Who: Harvey Beaks
**Source: ''[[Harvey Beaks]]'' (2015-2017)

*Guess we can skip the encore.
**Who: Ami Onuki
**Source: ''[[Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi]]'' (2004-2006)

* Small, get in here!
**Who: Coach McGuirk
**Source: ''[[Home Movies (TV series)|Home Movies]]'' (1999-2004)

*Welcome to Horseland!
**Who: Shep
**Source: ''[[w:Horseland (TV Series)|Horseland]]'' (2006-2008)

* Welcome, brave Irken soldiers. Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet. Please, proceed to the docking ring and take the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface!
**Who: Announcer
**Source: ''[[Invader Zim]]'' (2001–2006)

* SQUAWK! SQUAWK! Good morning, birds! SQUAWK! (laughs) Good morning, ol' rusty sign! Another perfect day in Seaside By the Seashore, my new home!
**Who: Arlo Beauregard
**Source: ''[[w:I Heart Arlo|I Heart Arlo]]'' (2021-present)

* My name is Leslie McGroarty. I'm a city girl, and the big city is my home. Most of my boys called me boisterous and hog-wild, that's because I fight these dorks, I played video games, I jammed to my rock music and I can skateboarding. I love to have fun, and I'm having a lot more fun, because I'm a tomboy!
**Who: Leslie McGroarty
**Source: ''[[The Itsy Bitsy Spider]]'' (1994–1996)

*It was a crisp, clear fall morning in Tarrytown. Jay Jay, Tracy and Herky decided to go on a fun morning flight. But, there was also excitement in the air for young Tracy, because she had a very special day ahead of her.
**Who: Narrator
**Source: ''[[Jay Jay the Jet Plane]]'' (1998-2005)

*Ladies and gentlemen, behold the world's greatest daredevil: Kick Buttowski! (pause) Kick! Kick, are you ok?.
**Who: Gunther Magnuson
**Source: ''[[Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil]]'' (2010-2012)

*I'll tell you what my truck needs: Leadership. Detroit hasn't felt any real pride since George Bush went to Japan and vomited on their auto executives.
**Who: Hank Hill
**Source: ''[[King of the Hill]]'' (1997-2010)

* Do you have everything you need for your first day? Paper, pencils, spark plugs, lemon drops?
**Who: Charlene
**Source: ''[[Making Fiends (TV series)|Making Fiends]]'' (2008)

* Come in, Truman.
**Who: Helen
**Source: ''[[Martha Speaks (TV series)|Martha Speaks]]'' (2008-2014)

* Hey everyone, it's me Molly!
**Who: Molly Mabray
**Note: Heard in the theme song that opens every episode. But, Molly is still the first character to speak in the first episode of the show.
* Ha! Looks like the poster for our show turned out pretty well.
**Who: Molly Mabray
**Source: ''[[Molly of Denali]]'' (2019-present)

* Commander Andru, the Glorft have found us. Perimeter defenses are failing. We're being overrun.
**Who: Earth Coaliton Captain
**Source: ''[[Megas XLR]]'' (2004-2005)

* We'll get you down, Whiskers.
**Who: Firefighter 1
**Source: ''[[Men in Black: The Series]]'' (1997-2001)

* Hey everybody, it's me Mickey Mouse. Say, do you wanna come inside my Clubhouse? (pause) Well, all right, Let's go! Oh, I almost forgot. To make the Clubhouse appear, we get to say the magic words: Meeska, Mooska, Mickey Mouse! Say it with me. Meeska, Mooska, Mickey Mouse!
**Note: Catchphrase that opens every episode except for &quot;Mickey's Great Clubhouse Hunt&quot;. But, Mickey Mouse is still the first character to speak in the first episode of the series.
* Welcome to our Clubhouse! Are you ready to play? Swell!
**Who: ''[[w:Mickey Mouse (character)|Mickey Mouse]]''
**Source: ''[[Mickey Mouse Clubhouse]]'' (2006-2016)

*Yo, Seismo! Hey man, what you ups to?
**Who: Zorch
**Source: ''[[Mixels]]'' (2014-2016)

* Stupid dog! You made me look bad!
**Who: Eustace Bagge
**Note: Heard in the opening credits that opens every episode. But, Eustace is still the first character to speak in the first episode of the show.
**Source: ''[[Courage the Cowardly Dog]]'' (1996-2002)

* I'm Mr. Frog. This is my show. I eat the bug. I ate the bug. This is the end. I love you.
**Who: Mr. Frog
**Source: ''Smiling Friends'' (2022-present)

*Your performance... is disappointing.
**Who: Ghost Council member
**Source: ''[[The Ghost and Molly McGee]]'' (2021-present)

*Well, Professor Knight, how'd I do?
**Who: Tylor Tuskmon
**Source: ''[[Monsters at Work]]'' (2021-present)

*Another perfect day in my hometown. Population: not very many. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and I'm doing a little sketching under my favorite tree.
**Who: Blythe Baxter
**Source: ''[[Littlest Pet Shop (2012 TV series)]]'' (2012-2016)

*Special Delivery from the Middlemost Post!
**Who: Parker J. Cloud
**Source: ''[[Middlemost Post]]'' (2021-present)

* OK. So, Cat and I are on a farm.
**Who: Peg
**Source: ''Peg + Cat'' (2014-2018)

* The school concert is tomorrow, Max. And I get to play, &quot;Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star&quot;!
**Who: Ruby
**Source: ''Max &amp; Ruby'' (2003-2019)

* Heh-heh-ha-ha-ha! Woo-hoo!!!
**Who 1: Norma Khan
* Hey!
**Who 2: Courtney
**Note: Heard in the theme song that opens every episode, but Norma and Courtney are still the first characters to speak in the first episode of the series.
**Source: ''Dead End: Paranormal Park'' (2022-present)

*Welcome to the City of Frank. 85 trillion cells and still growing, which is getting to be a big problem. Y'see, when a body gets this old and congested, there's a lot more upkeep. And in Frank, everybody's workin' overtime. I should know. The name's Jones. Osmosis Jones. I'm a cop. That's my partner Drix. He's a pill, but he's cool. We got a tip that Scarlet Fever's visiting a chop shop south of the stomach, below the beltway, deep in bowel town. I've been after this bad booty bacteria half my life. He wasn't gettin' away this time.
**Who: Osmosis Jones
**Source: ''[[Ozzy &amp; Drix]]'' (2002-2004)

* Hey! This is an interactive show. That means you gotta select the correct answers. (gets a pillar dropped on by Rowdy) (weakly) Enjoy the show...
**Who: Peanut
**Source: ''Cat Burglar'' (2022)

* Alright, Beef Burrito. I'm gonna give you one more chance to take back what you said about my mom! I'LL ''KILL'' YOU!
**Who: Rigby
**Source: ''[[Regular Show]]'' (2010-2017)

*(howls) Rubble on the double! Whee!
**Who: Rubble
**Source: ''[[PAW Patrol]]'' (2013-present)

* So Ferb, what do you wanna do today? What about Perry? What does he wanna do? Well, he is a platypus. They don't do much. I, for one, am starting to get bored. And boredom is something I will not put. The first thing they're gonna ask us when we get back to school is what we did over the summer! I mean, no school for three months; our lives should be a rollercoaster. And I mean a good rollercoaster. Not like the one we rode at the Street Fair. Man, that was lame. Why, if I built a rollercoaster, I would... That's it! I know what we're gonna do today!
**Who: Phineas Flynn 
**Source: ''[[Phineas and Ferb (season 1)|Phineas and Ferb]]'' (2007-2015)

*Uh, out of my seat, shortstack!
**Who: Pierce Pocket
**Source: ''Polly Pocket'' (2018-present)

*Morty! You gotta come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me.
**Who: Rick
**Source: ''[[Rick and Morty]]'' (2013-present)

*Wow, the base is loaded with two outs and Johnny Hitswell is up to bat. We might actually win the game for a change.
**Who: Todd Daring
**Source: ''[[The Replacements (TV series)|The Replacements]]'' (2006-2009)

* Once again, I am free to smite the world as I did in days long past.
**Who: Aku
**Source: ''[[Samurai Jack]]'' (2001-2017)

*All right, Yay!
**Who: Eric Needles
**Source: ''[[Sidekick (TV series)|Sidekick]]'' (2010-2013)

* Ooh, careful, Homer.
**Who: Marge Simpson
**Source: ''[[The Simpsons]]'' (1989-present)

* School days, school days, teacher's golden ru...
**Who: Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick
**Source: ''[[South Park]]'' (1997-present)

* Captain's log, Stardate 57436.2. The Cerritos is docked at Douglas Station for routine maintenance and resupply. We will soon set course for the capital planet of the Galar system, where we're scheduled to make second contact with the Galardonian High Council. First contact is a delicate, high-stakes operation of diplomacy. One must be ready for anything when Humanity is interacting with alien race for the first time. But we don't do that. Our specialty is second contact. Still pretty important. We get all the paperwork signed, make sure we're spelling the name of the planet right, get to know all the good places to eat.
**Who: Brad Boimler
**Source: ''[[Star Trek: Lower Decks]]'' (2020-present)

* It's no use Sparkleface. We'll be trapped in the candy dungeon, FOREVER!
**Who: Butterbean
**Note: If not counting the character from a TV show inside a TV show, Raven is the first real character to speak.
* Don't give up Butterbean. Great! Right in the middle of the best part of Pretty Pretty Pegasus!
**Who: Raven
**Source: ''[[Teen Titans Go!]]'' (2013-present)

* Timothy, You have mail.
**Who: Timothy's Mom
**Source: ''[[Timothy Goes to School]]'' (2000-2001)

* All right, you guys, settle down. With a little luck, they may never find out we're aboard. We can sleep here every night, mingle with passengers during the day. Benny can slip us some food from the dining room. We'll have a ball. Okay, Spook, what was in that suitcase?
**Who: Top Cat
**Source: ''[[Top Cat]]'' (1961–1962)

*For as long as anyone can remember, the happiest, the sunniest, singingest creatures in all the world were my people, the Trolls.
**Who: Queen Poppy
**Source: ''Trolls: The Beat Goes On!'' (2018-2019)

* UGH!! I hate red lights! Come on, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!!
** Who: Amethyst Van der Troll
** Source: ''Trollz'' (2005-2007)

* Oh my gosh, I'm so excited I'm gonna explode!
**Who: Unikitty
**Source: ''[[Unikitty!]]'' (2017-2020)

* (giggles) Try to catch me!
**Who: Demi
**Source: ''[[Vampirina]]'' (2017-2021)

* Happy Valentines Day, Todd!
**Who: Dana
**Source: ''[[Wayside]]'' (2007-2008)

* Hi there!
**Who: Xavier Riddle
**Source: ''[[Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum]]'' (2019-present)

* Claire McCallister is about to go on a business trip, and leave a babysitter in charge of her son, the mischievous boy genius, Tobey.
**Who: Narrator
**Source: ''[[WordGirl]]'' (2007-2015)

===''DC Animated Universe''===
*Now, Isis, my sweet. -- Perfect my love! Let's go home.
**Who: Catwoman
**Source: ''[[Batman: The Animated Series]]'' (1992-1995)

*Northern Region, Sector 17 Alpha, log date 8313 Omega 3, Jor-El speaking, gathering readings for final subterranean probe.
**Who: Jor-El
**Source: ''[[Superman: The Animated Series]]'' (1996-2000)

*I'm depressed, Red. Here in this holiday time and we're hiding out in this dingy rattrap. No presents, no fun, no nothing. Can't we at least, get a Christmas tree.
**Who: Harleen Quinzel
**Source: ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]'' (1997-1999)

*Big news in the financial world today. Once again, Billionaire Bruce Wayne has averted an attempted takeover of his company, by Derek Powers of Powers Technology. Powers vowed that he is not through yet and speculation has seen in stock in both men's companies hit all-time high's. Still no word from the kidnappers of debutante, Bunny Vreeland following a ransom payment five million dollars.
**Who: TV Announcer
**Source: ''[[Batman Beyond]]'' (1999-2001)

*Speed it up! We don't have all night.
**Who: Robber 1
**Source: ''[[Static Shock]]'' (2000-2004)

*Bennett.
**Who: Agent Bennett
**Source: ''[[The Zeta Project]]'' (2001-2002)

*Would you look at that. A little slice of heaven.
**Who: J. Allen Carter
**Source: ''[[Justice League (TV series)|Justice League]]'' (2001-2004)

*Everybody down, down!
**Who: Robber
**Source: ''[[Justice League Unlimited]]'' (2004-2006)

===''The Owl House''===
*Foolish child! I could swallow you whole!
**Who: Gildersnake (Season 1A)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

*Partake of my free snack samples! Take it! I demand it as your ruler, the King of Demons!
**Who: King (Season 1B)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

*Foolish child! Leave this place before I get mad!
**Who: The weird monster (Season 2A)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

*¡Hola, Mamá! I know you don’t want me staying in the Demon Realm, but I’m recording this because I think we can find a middle ground.
**Who: Luz Noceda (Season 2B)
**Source: ''The Owl House'' (2020-present)

===''Bluey''===
* Morning, balloons! I mean...morning, last balloon.
**Who: Bluey Christine Heeler (Series 1)
**Source: ''[[Bluey]]'' (2018-present)

* Excuse me? Yes, over here!
**Who: Chilli Heeler (Series 2)
**Source: ''[[Bluey]]'' (2018-present)

*OK! Let's make some Father's Day cards for Dad.
**Who: Chilli Heeler (Series 3)
**Source: ''[[Bluey]]'' (2018-present)

===''Elliott from Earth''===
* I gotta take these upstairs. You okay watching the store for a bit?
**Who: Gas station shop owner
**Source: ''[[Elliott from Earth]]'' (2021-present)

===''The Cuphead Show!''===
* Cuphead? Mugman?
* Yes, Elder Kettle?
**Who: Elder Kettle, Cuphead, and Mugman (Part 1)
**Source: ''The Cuphead Show!'' (2022-present)

===''Hilda''===
* See that, Twig? It's a troll rock! Trolls don't usually come far down the mountain. I've got to draw this!
**Who: Hilda (Season 1)
**Source: ''Hilda'' (2018-present)

* We're coming for you!
**Who: Hilda (Season 2)
**Source: ''Hilda'' (2018-present)

* Ah!
**Who: Hilda
**Source: ''Hilda and The Mountain King'' (2021)

===''The Proud Family''===
* GEYEOUCH!!!
**Who: Oscar Proud
**Note: Heard at the end of the theme song that opens every episode.
* Alright ladies...and Michael.
**Who: Dijonay Jones
**Source: ''[[The Proud Family]]'' (2001-2006)

* Wha..? I'm...so...HIP!!! WOO!!!
**Who: Penny Proud
**Source: ''The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder'' (2022-present)

===''Elinor Wonders Why''===
* What should we play today at recess?
**Who: Olive Elephant (Season 1A)
**Source: ''[[Elinor Wonders Why]]'' (2020-present)

* Olive, look how much our baby plants has grown!
**Who: Elinor Rabbit (Season 1B)
**Source: ''[[Elinor Wonders Why]]'' (2020-present)

===''DuckTales''===
*Scrooge McDuck, he had a vault, E-I-E-I-O. And in this vault, he had some dough, E-I-E-I-O. Ah, there's only one thing better than owning a vault full of cold-hard cash, and that's swimming in it! I love to dive around in it like a porpoise, and burrow through it like a gopher and toss it up and let it hit me on the head. Curse me kilts, I'm late!
**Who: Scrooge McDuck
**Source: ''[[DuckTales (1987 TV Series)|DuckTales]]'' (1987-1990)

*HEY!!
**Who: Sailor (Season 1A)

*Aw, come on, a little lightning never killed anyone.
**Who: Launchpad McQuack (Season 1B)

*Dew-dew-dew-dewey dewing it again. We're dewing it again, yeah.
**Who: Dewey Duck (Season 2A)

*Dumb earth gravity... won't... keep... me... from... the kids. Okay, first impression is the only impression. You gotta nail this. Greetings, children! Hellooooo! Oh, hey, didn't see you there. Simple, sincere. It's just the most important moment of your life.
**Who: Della Duck (Season 2B)

*Legacy, passing the torch to a new generation. The knowledge of the old mixes with the discoveries of the new into that flavorful gumbo called tomorrow. You are that gumbo! Welcome to the Calisota Junior Woodchuck Graduation!
**Who: Launchpad McQuack (Season 3A)

*F.O.W.L., the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny, is back. Long thought to have been eliminated by agents of S.H.U.S.H., they've risen again, led by a devious traitor.
**Who: Bentina Beakley (Season 3B)
**Source: ''[[DuckTales (2017 TV series)|DuckTales]]'' (2017-2021)

===''Gravity Falls''===
* Ah, summer break. A time of leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy. Unless you're me. My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
**Who: Dipper Pines (Season 1A)

* Ladies and gentlemen, we now return to Cash Wheel! Sponsored by Chip-ackers: The chip-flavored crackers.
**Who: TV Announcer (Season 1B)

* Thirty long years and it's all lead up to this, my greatest achievement!
**Who: Stanley Pines (Season 2A)

* Wait up!
**Who: Young Stanford Pines (Season 2B)
**Source: ''[[Gravity Falls]]'' (2012-2016)

===''Star vs. the Forces of Evil''===
*(narration) Far, far away, on a magical land called Mewni lived a princess, Star Butterfly. (spoken) RAIL SLIDE!!!! (narration) Some people have called me reckless and irresponsible just because, I fight monsters and tame wild unicorns. I like to have a lot of fun and I'm about have a whole lot more because today is 14th birthday, and according to tradition, my mom the queen has to bestow upon me our greatest family heirloom: the royal magic wand!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 1)

*Guess who? It's me, Star! I have some exciting news for you. Well first, Marco got kidnapped, and I had to blow up a bunch of stuff including my wand, and I was super bummed, because I thought was never gonna do magic again, but then I got my new wan.. My new wand! Oh yeah, and Marco's okay. Say hi, Marco!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 2A)

*You know what, Jackie, can I call you back? Look Star, this is a stressful situation I get that, but would it kill you to slow down for a second? You're kind of going overboard. I mean, do you really have to pack this vintage laptop and this purple-y bubbly tea thingy? Why don't you try some breathing excerises?
**Who: Marco Diaz (Season 2B)

*Did you hear that?
**Who: Angie Diaz (Season 3A)

*Mama, I need to talk to you! I can't believe it!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 3B)

*Oh! Not bad, me!
**Who: Star Butterfly (Season 4A)

*Look, Hannah, something's happening!
**Who: Quasar Caterpillar (Season 4B)
**Source: ''[[Star vs. the Forces of Evil]]'' (2015-2019)

===''My Little Pony''===
====''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic''====
* Once upon a time, in a magical land of Equestria... There were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn. The younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects: -All the different types of ponies. But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon. She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night. Reluctantly, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: The Elements of Harmony! Using the magic of the Elements of Harmony, she defeated her younger sister and banished her permanently in the moon. The elder sister took on responsibility for...
* ...both sun and moon...
* ...and harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since. Hmm... Elements of Harmony. I know I've heard of those before... but where?
** Who: Narrator and Twilight Sparkle (Season 1)
** Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*I want to start our field trip here, in the world-famous Canterlot Sculpture Garden.
**Who: Cheerilee (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*News from northern Equestria! Uh...Your Highness.
**Who: A Guard (Season 3)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*You gotta really flap 'em hard!
**Who: Rainbow Dash (Season 4)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Let's go through this one more time.
**Who: Twilight Sparkle (Season 5A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Was that the pony post?
**Who: Rarity (Season 5B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Okay. Library, library... where did they put the library? 
**Who: Starlight Glimmer (Season 6A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Well, don't stop there! You read, I pack. That’s the deal.
**Who: Rainbow Dash (Season 6B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Hey, Spike. What's up?
**Who: Starlight Glimmer (Season 7A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Care for a carrot-ginger sandwich?
**Who: Fluttershy (Season 7B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*This happened while we were gone?
**Who: Twilight Sparkle (Season 8A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Who can tell me what these are?
**Who: Twilight Sparkle (Season 8B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*Oh, good. We're all here.
**Who: Fluttershy (Season 9A)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

*I thought Pinkie Pie said to get here right away.
**Who: Rainbow Dash (Season 9B)
**Source: ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]]'' (2010-2019)

====Misc.====
* I've always loved you but...'''''YOU'VE RUINED ME!!!'''''
** Who: Rarity
** Source: ''My Little Pony: Pony Life'' (2020-2021)

===''Big City Greens''===
* HAHAHAHAHHHHHH!!! Oh, hi there! We're your new neighbors. My name's Cricket. Cricket Green. Hey, where ya goin'? Oh, okay, you're busy that's fine. Well stop by anytime!
**Who: Cricket Green (Season 1A)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)
**Note: Quote was from &quot;Space Chicken&quot;, which is technically the second episode chronologically but the first produced as a pilot. The &quot;official&quot; first line was, &quot;Movin' to Gramma's house, oh, we're movin' to Gramma's house, oh, we're movin' to Gramma's houuuuuuuse!&quot;

*And a one, and a two, and a JUMP!
**Who: Tilly Green (Season 1B)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*&quot;No trespassing,&quot; huh? Well Nancy Green ain't tresspassing, she's liberatin'.
**Who: Nancy Green (Season 1C)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*Look alive, Cricket. The boss Ms. Cho will be here any minute.
**Who: Gloria Sato (Season 2A)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*Upsy daisy, Gramma! C'mon, family! Follow the sound of my voice!
**Who: Cricket Green (Season 2B)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*Oh, this is awful!
*You wouldn't believe it!
*It's terrible! 
*What are we gonna do?!
**Who: The Green Family (Season 2C)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

*How we doin' on untangling those lights, ladies?
**Who: Bill Green (Season 3A part 1)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)
**Note: Although it's not really the first line in Season 3. The season premiere was supposed to be &quot;Boss Life&quot;. That means the first line in Season 3 was supposed to be &quot;Comin' right up!&quot; by Cricket Green.

*Order of quiet and I said, no, no.
**Who: Cricket Green (Season 3A part 2)
**Source: ''[[Big City Greens]]'' (2018-present)

===''Amphibia''===
* Good night, you frogs!
**Who: Walliam Ribbiton aka One-Eyed Wally (Season 1A)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* Iced flies! Get your iced flies here!
**Who: Unknown Frog (Season 1B)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* Help, it's been three months. Still up here.
**Who: Unknown Frog (Season 2A)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)
**Note: Although &quot;Handy Anne&quot; is the season premiere, it could also be the second episode of the season if the first one was &quot;The Shut In&quot;, even though it's a non-canon. If the Halloween episode was the season premiere, then the first line of the season would be &quot;Happy Shut In!&quot; by an unknown frog.

* All right, Polly, check this out! According to this map, if we drive straight through the night, we'll be home by morning!
**Who: Sprig Plantar (Season 2B)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* What the...?!
* Aah! What is that thing?!
* What is that thing?!
**Who: The Plantar Family (Season 3A)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)

* OK, this is getting hard to ignore, X. What do you know about these amphibious extraterrestrials?
**Who: FBI Chief (Season 3B)
**Source: ''[[Amphibia (TV Series)|Amphibia]]'' (2019-2022)
**Note: Although, this is not really the first line of Season 3B. The mid-season premiere was supposed to be &quot;Commander Anne&quot;. That means the first line of Season 3B was supposed to be &quot;What happened to this place?!&quot;.

===''Animaniacs''===
* Newsreel of the Stars. Dateline: Hollywood, 1930, the Warner Bros. Studio, home of the biggest stars in Tinsel Town. Here at the studio's new animation department, the artists toil endlessly to come up with cartoon stars, ultimately creating three new characters-- the Warner Brothers and their sister, Dot.
**Who: Narrator
* Helloooo Nurse!
**Who: Yakko, Wakko, and Dot
**Source: ''[[Animaniacs]]'' (1993-1998)

* Alan, this species of cartoon has been extinct since 1998. I mean these haven't been seen on TV since the golden era of animation! What?
**Who: Dr. Ellie Sattler (Season 1)
**Source: ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020-present)

* Free togas! Show your folks you've been to Rome, by wearing T-toga!
**Who: Yakko Warner (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[Animaniacs (2020 TV series)|Animaniacs]]'' (2020-present)

===''SpongeBob SquarePants''===
* Ah, the sea... so fascinating. So wonderful. Here we see Bikini Bottom teeming with life. Home of one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.
**Who: French Narrator
**Note: Although, if not counting the French Narrator, SpongeBob is the first character to speak.
*Today's the big day, Gary! Look at me, I'm NAKED!!!!! I gotta be in top physical condition for today, Gary!
**Who: ''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants (character)|SpongeBob SquarePants]]''
**Source: ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' (1999-present)

*First catch!
**Who: &quot;First Catch&quot; sign
**Note: SpongeBob is still technically the first character to speak.
*Huh? [sighs] That dream again. That jelly-riffic dream. Well, today's the day I'm gonna make my dream come true.
**Who: Young SpongeBob SquarePants
**Source: ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]'' (2021-present)

*The best way out of bed, is an urchin on your head.
**Who: Patrick Star
**Source: ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]'' (2021-present)

===''Steven Universe''===
*NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! This can't be happening! This has to be a dream! Lars! Lars! Please tell me I'm dreaming!
**Who: Steven Universe
**Source: ''[[Steven Universe]]'' (2013-2019)

*Mwah!
**Who: Steven Universe
**Source: ''[[Steven Universe Future]]'' (2019-2020)

===''The Loud House''===
* Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH! As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!
**Who: Hunter Spector (Season 1)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* It's the day before Christmas and there's no better time to be in the Loud House.
**Who: Lincoln Loud (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* 1797, 1798, 1799... 1800!
**Who: Loud family (Season 3)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* Gah! Lalo, what the heck, dude?
**Who: Ronnie Anne Santiago (Season 4)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* Wear lucky underwear. Check. Wear new jeans. Check. Put on best polo. Check. Things are pretty crazy around the Loud House this morning.
**Who: Lincoln Loud (Season 5)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* There's no escape, Agent Steele! Going somewhere?
**Who: MALICE Agent (Season 6)
**Source: ''[[The Loud House]]'' (2016-present)

* Dah!
**Who: Carlos Casagrande (Season 1)
**Source: ''[[The Casagrandes]]'' (2019-2022)

* I've got you now Bird-brain. There's nowhere for you to hide.
**Who: La Cobra (Season 2)
**Source: ''[[The Casagrandes]]'' (2019-2022)

* Gatos! Gatos! Gatos! Gatos!
**Who: Ronnie Anne Santiago, Sergio, and Carlos Casagrande Jr. (Season 3)
**Source: ''[[The Casagrandes]]'' (2019-2022)

===''Thomas and Friends''===
* Thomas is a tank engine who lives at the big station on the Island of Sodor. He's a cheeky little engine with six small wheels, a short stumpy funnel, a short stumpy boiler, and a short stumpy dome.
**Who: Narrator
**Note: If not counting the narrator, Thomas is the first character to speak.
*Wake up, Lazybones! Why can't you work hard like me?
**Who: Thomas
**Source: ''[[Thomas and Friends]]'' (1984–2021)

*Whoa...! And just one more track and I'll beat my &quot;Stack the Tracks&quot; record!
**Who: Thomas
**Source: ''[[Thomas and Friends: All Engines Go]]'' (2021-present)

===''Total Drama''===
* Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario, I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now! ''[moves to Dock of Shame]'' Here's the deal, twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat, ha ha, and leave Total Drama Island, for good! ''[moves to campfire pit]'' Their fate will be decided here, at the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week, all, but one camper will receive... a marshmallow. ''[takes a bite of one marshmallow]'' In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it: they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle... Black flies... ''[flies buzzing]'' Grizzly bears, ''[grizzly bear roars]'' Disgusting camp food!
**Who: Chris
**Source: ''[[Total Drama]]'' (2007-2014)

* This is Toronto, the capital of North America, birthplace of funk where the Albino panther roams free. Beneath my size-13 brogues, 18 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don. And this is ''The Ridonculous Race''!
**Who: Don
**Source: ''[[Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race]]'' (2015)

* Guys! Guys! Guys? Guess what?!
**Who: Owen
**Source: ''[[Total DramaRama]]'' (2018-present)

=== ''[[Winx Club]]'' ===
* Wake up, sleepy head! The sun's been up for ages!
** Who: Vanessa (Season 1, Cinélume version)
* Bloom, say hello to your mother for me.
** Who: Mister Genaro (Season 1, 4Kids version)

* No time. I'll be found out any second now.
** Who: Aisha/Layla (Season 2, Cinélume version)
* Summer was over and it was my first day back at Alfea. I was officially a sophomore!
** Who: Bloom (Season 2, 4Kids version)

* I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's, no, wait! I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade.
** Who: Stella (Season 3, Cinélume version)
* I'll bring this dress to Mom's for her garden tea and, let's see... hmmm, these to Dad's for the royal parade. Boy, packing for vacation when your parents are separated is way complicated. Do you think the garden tea dress should go to Dad's for open palace day?
** Who: Stella (Season 3, 4Kids version)
*I'll take this blouse to Mom's and that dress to Dad's. No, wait! I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. Oh, but then I'll need the red dress for Dad's royal parade.
** Who: Stella (Season 3, Atlas Oceanic version)

*Ah, a new year has started at Alfea.
**Who: Bloom (Season 4, Cinélume version)
*I can't believe we're back at Alfea!
**Who: Bloom (Season 4, Nickelodeon version)

*Whoo-hoo! Hello, Gardenia!
**Who: Bloom (Season 5)

*Come on, you two!
**Who: Icy (Season 6)

*Last stop, Alfea! Here we are!
**Who: Stella (Season 7)

*Look at that!
**Who: Kelli (Season 8)
**Source: ''[[Winx Club]]'' (2003-present)

*My dear Pixieville Pixies, welcome to the celebration! Once again the protection spell will defend us from all outside dangers throughout the year! At this time we'd like to celebrate The Tree of Life! Let's all give thanks to it! An energy flows inside the tree and a sparkle of that power shines in each of its MagicPops! This year more pixies will earn their MagicPop by discovering their talent and using it for good. Caramel, Martino and Amore were the last Pixies to earn a MagicPop!
**Who: Ninfea
**Source: ''PopPixie'' (2011)

*No sign of suspect in sector one.
**Who: Bloom
**Source: ''World of Winx'' (2016-2017)

==See also==
* [[Last lines in animated TV shows]]

[[Category:First lines|Animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows|*]]</text>
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    <title>Islamic–Jewish relations</title>
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      <text bytes="30057" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Islamic–Jewish relations|Islamic–Jewish relations]]''' started in the 7th century AD with the origin and spread of Islam in the Arabian peninsula. The two religions share similar values, guidelines, and principles. Islam also incorporates Jewish history as a part of its own. Muslims regard the Children of Israel as an important religious concept in Islam. Moses, the most important prophet of Judaism, is also considered a prophet and messenger in Islam. Moses is mentioned in the Quran more than any other individual, and his life is narrated and recounted more than that of any other prophet. There are approximately 43 references to the Israelites in the Quran (excluding individual prophets), and many in the Hadith. Later rabbinic authorities and Jewish scholars such as Maimonides discussed the relationship between Islam and Jewish law. Maimonides himself, it has been argued, was influenced by Islamic legal thought

==Quran==
:&lt;small&gt;''{{w|The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary}}'' (3rd edition, 1938) by {{w|Abdullah Yusuf Ali}}.&lt;/small&gt;

*O Children of Israel! call to mind the (special) favour which I bestowed upon you, and fulfil your covenant with Me as I fulfil My Covenant with you, and fear none but Me.
**Surah II. 40

*And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but God; treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).
**Surah II. 83

*The Jews say: &quot;The Christians have naught (to stand) upon; and the Christians say: &quot;The Jews have naught (To stand) upon.&quot; Yet they (Profess to) study the (same) Book. Like unto their word is what those say who know not; but God will judge between them in their quarrel on the Day of Judgment.
**Surah II. 113

*Never will the Jews or the Christians be satisfied with thee unless thou follow their form of religion. Say: &quot;The Guidance of God,-that is the (only) Guidance.&quot; Wert thou to follow their desires after the knowledge which hath reached thee, then wouldst thou find neither Protector nor helper against God.
**Surah II. 120

*O Children of Israel! call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you to all others (for My Message).
**Surah II. 122

*Ask the Children of Israel how many clear (Signs) We have sent them. But if any one, after God's favour has come to him, substitutes (something else), God is strict in punishment.
**Surah II. 211

*Hast thou not Turned thy vision to the Chiefs of the Children of Israel after (the time of) Moses? they said to a prophet (That was) among them: &quot;Appoint for us a king, that we May fight in the cause of God.&quot; He said: &quot;Is it not possible, if ye were commanded to fight, that that ye will not fight?&quot; They said: &quot;How could we refuse to fight in the cause of God, seeing that we were turned out of our homes and our families?&quot; but when they were commanded to fight, they turned back, except a small band among them. But God Has full knowledge of those who do wrong.
**Surah II. 246

*And (appoint him) an apostle to the Children of Israel, (with this message): &quot;'I have come to you, with a Sign from your Lord, in that I make for you out of clay, as it were, the figure of a bird, and breathe into it, and it becomes a bird by God's leave: And I heal those born blind, and the lepers, and I quicken the dead, by God's leave; and I declare to you what ye eat, and what ye store in your houses. Surely therein is a Sign for you if ye did believe. (I have come to you), to attest the Law which was before me. And to make lawful to you part of what was (Before) forbidden to you; I have come to you with a Sign from your Lord. So fear God, and obey me. It is God Who is my Lord and your Lord; then worship Him. This is a Way that is straight.&quot;
**Surah III. 49-51

*All food was lawful to the Children of Israel, except what Israel Made unlawful for itself, before the Law (of Moses) was revealed. Say: &quot;Bring ye the Law and study it, if ye be men of truth.&quot;
**Surah III. 93

*Of the Jews there are those who displace words from their (right) places, and say: &quot;We hear and we disobey&quot;; and &quot;Hear what is not Heard&quot;; and &quot;Ra'ina&quot;; with a twist of their tongues and a slander to Faith. If only they had said: &quot;We hear and we obey&quot;; and &quot;Do hear&quot;; and &quot;Do look at us&quot;; it would have been better for them, and more proper; but God hath cursed them for their Unbelief; and but few of them will believe.
**Surah IV. 46

*For the iniquity of the Jews We made unlawful for them certain (foods) good and wholesome which had been lawful for them;- in that they hindered many from God's Way; That they took usury, though they were forbidden; and that they devoured men's substance wrongfully;- we have prepared for those among them who reject faith a grievous punishment.
**Surah IV. 160-161

*God did aforetime take a covenant from the Children of Israel, and we appointed twelve captains among them. And God said: &quot;I am with you: if ye (but) establish regular prayers, practise regular charity, believe in my apostles, honour and assist them, and loan to God a beautiful loan, verily I will wipe out from you your evils, and admit you to gardens with rivers flowing beneath; but if any of you, after this, resisteth faith, he hath truly wandered from the path or rectitude.&quot;
**Surah V. 12

*On that account: We ordained for the Children of Israel that if any one slew a person - unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land - it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people. Then although there came to them Our apostles with clear signs, yet, even after that, many of them continued to commit excesses in the land.
**Surah V. 32

*It was We who revealed the law (to Moses): therein was guidance and light. By its standard have been judged the Jews, by the prophets who bowed (as in Islam) to God's will, by the rabbis and the doctors of law: for to them was entrusted the protection of God's book, and they were witnesses thereto: therefore fear not men, but fear me, and sell not my signs for a miserable price. If any do fail to judge by (the light of) what God hath revealed, they are (no better than) Unbelievers.
**Surah V. 44

*O ye who believe! take not the Jews and the Christians for your friends and protectors: They are but friends and protectors to each other. And he amongst you that turns to them (for friendship) is of them. Verily God guideth not a people unjust.
**Surah V. 51

*The Jews say: &quot;God's hand is tied up.&quot; Be their hands tied up and be they accursed for the (blasphemy) they utter. Nay, both His hands are widely outstretched: He giveth and spendeth (of His bounty) as He pleaseth. But the revelation that cometh to thee from God increaseth in most of them their obstinate rebellion and blasphemy. Amongst them we have placed enmity and hatred till the Day of Judgment. Every time they kindle the fire of war, God doth extinguish it; but they (ever) strive to do mischief on earth. And God loveth not those who do mischief 
**Surah V. 64

*We took the covenant of the Children of Israel and sent them apostles, every time, there came to them an apostle with what they themselves desired not - some (of these) they called impostors, and some they (go so far as to) slay.
**Surah V. 70

*Curses were pronounced on those among the Children of Israel who rejected Faith, by the tongue of David and of Jesus the son of Mary: because they disobeyed and persisted in excesses.
**Surah V. 78

*For those who followed the Jewish Law, We forbade every (animal) with undivided hoof, and We forbade them that fat of the ox and the sheep, except what adheres to their backs or their entrails, or is mixed up with a bone: this in recompense for their wilful disobedience: for We are true (in Our ordinances).
**Surah VI. 146

*Every time the penalty fell on them, they said: &quot;O Moses! on your behalf call on thy Lord in virtue of his promise to thee: If thou wilt remove the penalty from us, we shall truly believe in thee, and we shall send away the Children of Israel with thee.&quot; 
**Surah VII. 134

*We took the Children of Israel (with safety) across the sea. They came upon a people devoted entirely to some idols they had. They said: &quot;O Moses! fashion for us a god like unto the gods they have.&quot; He said: &quot;Surely ye are a people without knowledge.
**Surah VII. 138

*The people of Moses made, in his absence, out of their ornaments, the image of calf, (for worship): it seemed to low: did they not see that it could neither speak to them, nor show them the way? They took it for worship and they did wrong. When they repented, and saw that they had erred, they said: &quot;If our Lord have not mercy upon us and forgive us, we shall indeed be of those who perish.&quot; 
**Surah VII. 148-149

*The Jews call 'Uzair a son of God, and the Christians call Christ the son of God. That is a saying from their mouth; (in this) they but imitate what the unbelievers of old used to say. God's curse be on them: how they are deluded away from the Truth.
**Surah IX. 30

*We settled the Children of Israel in a beautiful dwelling-place, and provided for them sustenance of the best: it was after knowledge had been granted to them, that they fell into schisms. Verily God will judge between them as to the schisms am ongst them, on the Day of Judgment.
**Surah X. 93

*To the Jews We prohibited such things as We have mentioned to thee before: We did them no wrong, but they were used to doing wrong to themselves.
**Surah XVI. 118

*And We gave (Clear) Warning to the Children of Israel in the Book, that twice would they do mischief on the earth and be elated with mighty arrogance (and twice would they be punished). 
**Surah XVII. 4

*O ye Children of Israel! We delivered you from your enemy, and We made a Covenant with you on the right side of Mount (Sinai), and We sent down to you Manna and quails.
**Surah XX. 80

*Verily this Qur'an doth explain to the Children of Israel most of the matters in which they disagree.
**Surah XXVII. 76

*We did indeed aforetime give the Book to Moses: be not then in doubt of its reaching (thee): and We made it a guide to the Children of Israel.
**Surah XXXII. 23

*Say: &quot;O ye that stand on Judaism! If ye think that ye are friends to God, to the exclusion of (other) men, then express your desire for Death, if ye are truthful!&quot;
**Surah LXII. 6

==Hadith==
===Bukhari===
*Vol. 1, bk. 10, no. 53: Narrated Abu Musa: The Prophet said, “The example of Muslims, Jews and Christians is like the example of a man who employed laborers to work for him from morning till night. They worked till mid-day and they said, ‘We are not in need of your reward.’ So the man employed another batch and said to them, ‘Complete the rest of the day and yours will be the wages I had fixed (for the first batch). They worked up till the time of the ‘Asr prayer and said, ‘Whatever we have done is for you.’ He employed another batch. They worked for the rest of the day till sunset, and they received the wages of the two former batches.”
*Vol. 1, bk. 12, no. 749: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “Say ‘Amen’ when the Imam says” Ghairil-maghdubi ‘alaihim wala-ddal-lin; not the path of those who earn Your Anger (such as Jews) nor of those who go astray (such as Christians); all the past sins of the person whose saying (of Amen) coincides with that of the angels, will be forgiven.
*Vol. 2, bk. 23, no. 376: Narrated ‘Aisha (the wife of the Prophet): Once Allah’s Apostle passed by (the grave of) a Jewess whose relatives were weeping over her. He said, “They are weeping over her and she is being tortured in her grave.”
*Vol. 2, bk. 23, no. 414: Narrated ‘Urwa: Aisha said, “The Prophet in his fatal illness said, ‘Allah cursed the Jews and the Christians because they took the graves of their Prophets as places for praying.’”Aisha added, “Had it not been for that the grave of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) would have been made prominent but I am afraid it might be taken (as a) place for praying.”
*Vol. 3, bk. 31, no. 222: Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet came to Medina and saw the Jews fasting on the day of Ashura. He asked them about that. They replied, “This is a good day, the day on which Allah rescued Bani Israel from their enemy. So, Moses fasted this day.” The Prophet said, “We have more claim over Moses than you.” So, the Prophet fasted on that day and ordered (the Muslims) to fast (on that day).
*Vol. 3, bk. 34, no. 426: Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: Once ‘Umar was informed that a certain man sold alcohol. ‘Umar said, “May Allah curse him! Doesn’t he know that Allah’s Apostle said, ‘May Allah curse the Jews, for Allah had forbidden them to eat the fat of animals but they melted it and sold it.’”
*Vol. 3, bk. 34, no. 427: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “May Allah curse the Jews, because Allah made fat illegal for them but they sold it and ate its price.”
*Vol. 3, bk. 39, no. 531: Narrated Ibn ‘Umar: Umar expelled the Jews and the Christians from Hijaz. When Allah’s Apostle had conquered Khaybar, he wanted to expel the Jews from it as its land became the property of Allah, His Apostle, and the Muslims. Allah’s Apostle intended to expel the Jews but they requested him to let them stay there on the condition that they would do the labor and get half of the fruits. Allah’s Apostle told them, “We will let you stay on thus condition, as long as we wish.” So, they (i.e., Jews) kept on living there until ‘Umar forced them to go towards Taima’ and Ariha’.
*Vol. 3, bk. 47, no. 786: Narrated Anas bin Malik: A Jewess brought a poisoned (cooked) sheep for the Prophet who ate from it. She was brought to the Prophet and he was asked, “Shall we kill her?” He said, “No.” I continued to see the effect of the poison on the palate of the mouth of Allah’s Apostle.
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 176: Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said, “You (i.e., Muslims) will fight with the Jews till some of them will hide behind stones. The stones will (betray them) saying, ‘O ‘Abdullah (i.e., slave of Allah)! There is a Jew hiding behind me; so kill him.’”
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 177: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Jews, and the stone behind which a Jew will be hiding will say, ‘O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him.’”
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 195: Narrated Anas: The Prophet set out for Khaybar and reached it at night. He used not to attack if he reached the people at night, till the day broke. So, when the day dawned, the Jews came out with their bags and spades. When they saw the Prophet; they said, “Muhammad and his army!” The Prophet said, “Allahu—Akbar! (Allah is Greater) and Khaybar is ruined, for whenever we approach a nation (i.e., enemy to fight) then it will be a miserable morning for those who have been warned.”
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 196: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “I have been ordered to fight with the people till they say, ‘None has the right to be worshipped but Allah,’ and whoever says, ‘None has the right to be worshipped but Allah,’ his life and property will be saved by me except for Islamic law, and his accounts will be with Allah (either to punish him or to forgive him).”
*Vol. 4, bk. 55, no. 546: Narrated Anas: When ‘Abdullah bin Salam heard the arrival of the Prophet at Medina, he came to him and said, “I am going to ask you about three things which nobody knows except a prophet: What is the first portent of the Hour? What will be the first meal taken by the people of Paradise? Why does a child resemble its father, and why does it resemble its maternal uncle,” Allah’s Apostle said, “Gabriel has just now told me of their answers.” ‘Abdullah said, “He (i.e., Gabriel), from amongst all the angels, is the enemy of the Jews.” Allah’s Apostle said, “The first portent of the Hour will be a fire that will bring together the people from the east to the west; the first meal of the people of Paradise will be Extra-lobe (caudate lobe) of fish-liver. As for the resemblance of the child to its parents: If a man has sexual intercourse with his wife and gets discharge first, the child will resemble the father, and if the woman gets discharge first, the child will resemble her.” On that ‘Abdullah bin Salam said, “I testify that you are the Apostle of Allah.” ‘Abdullah bin Salam further said, “O Allah’s Apostle! The Jews are liars, and if they should come to know about my conversion to Islam before you ask them (about me), they would tell a lie about me.” The Jews came to Allah’s Apostle and ‘Abdullah went inside the house. Allah’s Apostle asked (the Jews), “What kind of man is ‘Abdullah bin Salam amongst you?” They replied, “He is the most learned person amongst us, and the best amongst us, and the son of the best amongst us.” Allah’s Apostle said, “What do you think if he embraces Islam (will you do as he does)?” The Jews said, “May Allah save him from it.” Then ‘Abdullah bin Salam came out in front of them saying, “I testify that None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and that Muhammad is the Apostle of Allah.” Thereupon they said, “He is the evilest among us, and the son of the evilest amongst us,” and continued talking badly of him.
*Vol. 4, bk. 56, no. 660: Narrated ‘Aisha and Ibn ‘Abbas: On his death-bed Allah’s Apostle put a sheet over his face and when he felt hot, he would remove it from his face. When in that state (of putting and removing the sheet) he said, “May Allah’s Curse be on the Jews and the Christians for they build places of worship at the graves of their prophets.” (By that) he intended to warn (the Muslim) from what they (i.e., Jews and Christians) had done.
*Vol. 4, bk. 56, no. 662: Narrated Abu Said: The Prophet said, “You will follow the wrong ways, of your predecessors so completely and literally that if they should go into the hole of a mastigure, you too will go there.” We said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Do you mean the Jews and the Christians?” He replied, “Whom else?” (Meaning, of course, the Jews and the Christians.)
*Vol. 5, bk. 59, no. 365: Narrated Ibn Umar: Allah’s Apostle had the date-palm trees of Bani Al-Nadir burnt and cut down at a place called Al-Buwaira. Allah then revealed: “What you cut down of the date-palm trees (of the enemy) Or you left them standing on their stems. It was by Allah’s Permission.”
*Vol. 8, bk. 73, no. 53: Narrated ‘Aisha (the wife of the Prophet): A group of Jews entered upon the Prophet and said, “As-Samu-Alaikum” (i.e., death be upon you). I understood it and said, “Wa-Alaikum As-Samu walla’n” (death and the curse of Allah be upon you). Allah’s Apostle said “Be calm, O ‘Aisha! Allah loves that one should be kind and lenient in all matters.” I said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Haven’t you heard what they (the Jews) have said?” Allah’s Apostle said, “I have (already) said (to them) ‘And upon you!’”
*Vol. 9, bk. 85, no. 77: Narrated Abu Huraira: While we were in the mosque, Allah’s Apostle came out to us and said, “Let us proceed to the Jews.” So we went along with him till we reached Bait-al-Midras (a place where the Torah used to be recited and all the Jews of the town used to gather). The Prophet stood up and addressed them, “O Assembly of Jews! Embrace Islam and you will be safe!” The Jews replied, “O Aba-l-Qasim! You have conveyed Allah’s message to us.” The Prophet said, “That is what I want (from you).” He repeated his first statement for the second time, and they said, “You have conveyed Allah’s message, O Aba-1-Qasim.” Then he said it for the third time and added, “You should Know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to exile you from this land, so whoever among you owns some property, can sell it, otherwise you should know that the Earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle.”
*Vol. 9, bk. 93, no. 532: Narrated Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri: We said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Shall we see our Lord on the Day of Resurrection?” He said, “Do you have any difficulty in seeing the sun and the moon when the sky is clear?” We said, “No.” He said, “So you will have no difficulty in seeing your Lord on that Day as you have no difficulty in seeing the sun and the moon (in a clear sky).” The Prophet then said, “Somebody will then announce, ‘Let every nation follow what they used to worship.’ So the companions of the cross will go with their cross, and the idolaters (will go) with their idols, and the companions of every god (false deities) (will go) with their god, till there remain those who used to worship Allah, both the obedient ones and the mischievous ones, and some of the people of the Scripture. Then Hell will be presented to them as if it were a mirage. Then it will be said to the Jews, ‘“What did you use to worship?’ They will reply, ‘We used to worship Ezra, the son of Allah.’ It will be said to them, ‘You are liars, for Allah has neither a wife nor a son. What do you want (now)?’ They will reply, ‘We want You to provide us with water.’ Then it will be said to them ‘Drink,’ and they will fall down in Hell (instead).”

==Quotes==

*    The uncomfortable examination of Islamic doctrines and history is required in order to understand the enduring phenomenon of Muslim Jew hatred, which dates back to the origins of Islam. We can no longer view Muslim Jew hatred as a “borrowed phenomenon,” seen exclusively, or even primarily, through the prism of Nazism and the Holocaust, the tragic legacy of Judeophobic Christian traditions, or “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” from Czarist Russia.
**        Andrew Bostom, Legacy of Islamic Anti-Semitism

*Islam stands in a long line of Semitic, prophetic religious traditions that share an uncompromising monotheism, and belief in God's revelation, His prophets, ethical responsibility and accountability, and the Day of Judgement. Indeed, Muslims, like Christians and Jews, are the Children of Abraham, since all trace their communities back to him. Islam's historic religious and political relationship to Christendom and Judaism has remained strong throughout history. This interaction has been the source of mutual benefit.
** [[John Esposito|John L. Esposito]], ''Islam, The Straight Path'', Oxford University Press, 1988, pp. 3-4.

*The Israelites were thus being ungrateful and impertinent. Even otherwise, it was so usual with them not only to transgress divine commandments but also to deny them outright. They had also been slaying a number of prophets at different times - they knew they were committing a misdeed, but their hostility to the truth and their stubbornness in disobedience made them blind to the nature of their conduct and its consequences. Through such persistent and wilful misdemeanour they drew upon themselves the wrath of Allah. Disgrace and degradation settled upon them for ever. That is to say, they no longer had any respect in the eyes of others, nor magnanimity in themselves. One form of this disgrace is that temporal power has been taken away from them for ever. For only forty days, however, - and that too when the Day of Judgment will have come close - the Dajjal (Anti-Christ) belonging to the Jewish race, will have an irregular dominion like that of a robber. This cannot be described as having temporal power, in the proper sense of the term. Allah had made it quite clear to the Jews through Sayyidna Musa (Moses) that if they continued to be disobedient, they would always have to live under the domination of other nations. Says the Holy Qur'an: “And when your Lord proclaimed He would send forth against them, unto the Day of Resurrection, those who should visit them with evil chastisement.” (7:167) As to how the Companions, their successors and the great commentators have interpreted the disgrace and degradation which has settled on the Jews, let us present a summary in the words of Ibn Kathir: “No matter how wealthy they grow, they will always be despised by other people; whoever gets hold of them will humiliate them, and attach to them the emblems of servitude.” The commentator Dahhak Ibn Muzahim reports from the blessed Companion 'Abdullah Ibn 'Abbas that the Jews will always remain under the domination of others, will be paying taxes and tributes to them - that is to say, they will themselves never have power and authority in the real sense of the term. Another verse of the Holy Qur'an also speaks of the disgrace of the Jews, but with some addition: “And disgrace has been stamped over them wherever they are found, unless (saved) through a rope from Allah and through a rope from men.” (3:112)
**[[Muhammad Shafi Deobandi|Maulana Muhammad Shafi]]'s commentary on sura (chapter) 2, verse 61 of the Quran, (reiterated at Quran 3:112) in [https://archive.org/stream/MaarifulquranEnglishPdfVol1Page001741ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah/MaarifulquranEnglishPdf-Vol1-Page185-234ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah_djvu.txt ''Ma'ariful Qur'an''].

*Now, the “rope” or means from Allah refers to the case of those whom Allah Himself has, through His own commandment, saved from this disgrace - for example, children, women, or those who are totally devoted to prayer and worship and never go to war against Muslims. The “rope” or means from men refers to a treaty of peace with the Muslims, or a permission to live in a Muslim country on payment of the Jizyah (the tax levied on non-Muslims living in a Muslim country, which exonerates them from military service etc.) Since the Holy Qur'an uses the expression “from men” and not “from Muslims”, a third situation is also possible - the Jews may make political arrangements with other non-Muslims, live under their backing and protection, and thus be in “peace”. ... Thus, Verse 3:112 helps to elucidate Verse 2:61, and also dispels the doubt which sometimes arises in the minds of the Muslims at the sight of the so-called “Israeli state” imposed on Palestine. For, they find it difficult to reconcile the two things - the Holy Qur'an seems to indicate that the Jews will never have a sovereign state, while they have actually usurped Palestine and set up a state of their own. But if we go beyond the appearances, we can easily see that “Israel” is not an independent sovereign state, but only a stronghold of the Western powers which they have established in the midst of Muslim countries in order to protect their own interests; without the backing of these super-powers the Jewish “state” cannot survive for a month, and the Western powers themselves look upon the Israelis as their henchmen. The “Israeli state” has been living, as the Holy Qur'an says, “through a rope from men,” and, even at that, living as a parasite on the Western powers. So, there is no real occasion to have a misgiving about what the Holy Qur'an has said on the subject. Moreover, the half of Palestine which the Jews have usurped and the parasite state they have set up there is no more than a spot on the map of the world. As against this, we have vast expanses of the globe covered by Christian states, by Muslim states, and even by the states of people who do not believe in Allah at all. Can this tiny blot on the map and that too under the American-British umbrella, negate the disgrace which Allah has made to settle upon the Jews?
**Maulana Muhammad Shafi's commentary on sura (chapter) 2, verse 61 of the Quran, (reiterated at Quran 3:112) in [https://archive.org/stream/MaarifulquranEnglishPdfVol1Page001741ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah/MaarifulquranEnglishPdf-Vol1-Page185-234ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah_djvu.txt ''Ma'ariful Qur'an''].

*Whenever a Jew is killed, it is for the benefit of Islam.
**Ahmad Sirhindi, quoted from Bostom, A. G. (2015). Sharia versus freedom: The legacy of Islamic totalitarianism. quoting Sirhindi, “On Killing a Jew,” in Yohanan Friedmann, Shaykh Ahmad Sirhindi: An Outline of His Thought and a Study of His Image in the Eyes of Posterity (Montreal: McGill University, Institute of Islamic Studies, 1971).

* Your religion, although it has some good points, such as worship of the great Being, and the necessity of being just and charitable, is otherwise nothing but a rehash of Judaism and a tedious collection of fairy tales.
** [[Voltaire]], Reason in ''[http://history.hanover.edu/texts/voltaire/volreaso.html The Philosophical Dictionary]'' selected and translated by H.I. Woolf (1924)

* Thus, when Muslims crossed the straits of Gibraltar from North Africa in 711 CE and invaded the Iberian Peninsula, Jews welcomed them as liberators from Christian Persecution.
** Zion Zohar, ''Sephardic and Mizrahi Jewry: From the Golden Age of Spain to Modern Times'', NYU Press, 2005, p. 8

* Born during this era of Islamic rule, the famous Golden Age of Spanish Jewry (circa 900-1200) produced such luminaries as: statesman and diplomat Hasdai ibn Shaprut, vizier and army commander Shmuel ha-Nagid, poet-philosophers Solomon Ibn Gabriol and Judah Halevi,and at the apex of them all, Moses Ben Maimon, also known among the Spaniards as Maimonides.
** Zion Zohar, ''Sephardic and Mizrahi Jewry: From the Golden Age of Spain to Modern Times'', NYU Press, 2005, p. 9

* Islam is nothing more nor less than Judaism plus the apostle-ship of Mohammad.
**—S. M. Zwemer, as quoted in Ibn Warraq, Why I am not a Muslim , quoting Zwemer, S. [1] Islam: A Challenge to Faith. New York, 1908. p 17

== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Islam and other religions]]
[[Category:Judaism and other religions]]</text>
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      <text bytes="30103" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Islamic–Jewish relations|Islamic–Jewish relations]]''' started in the 7th century AD with the origin and spread of Islam in the Arabian peninsula. The two religions share similar values, guidelines, and principles. Islam also incorporates Jewish history as a part of its own. Muslims regard the Children of Israel as an important religious concept in Islam. Moses, the most important prophet of Judaism, is also considered a prophet and messenger in Islam. Moses is mentioned in the Quran more than any other individual, and his life is narrated and recounted more than that of any other prophet. There are approximately 43 references to the Israelites in the Quran (excluding individual prophets), and many in the Hadith. Later rabbinic authorities and Jewish scholars such as Maimonides discussed the relationship between Islam and Jewish law. Maimonides himself, it has been argued, was influenced by Islamic legal tthought


Majid mgtiacbnrseon LYNNTÅPEN BAHBEN
GEUR

==Quran==
:&lt;small&gt;''{{w|The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary}}'' (3rd edition, 1938) by {{w|Abdullah Yusuf Ali}}.&lt;/small&gt;

*O Children of Israel! call to mind the (special) favour which I bestowed upon you, and fulfil your covenant with Me as I fulfil My Covenant with you, and fear none but Me.
**Surah II. 40

*And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but God; treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).
**Surah II. 83

*The Jews say: &quot;The Christians have naught (to stand) upon; and the Christians say: &quot;The Jews have naught (To stand) upon.&quot; Yet they (Profess to) study the (same) Book. Like unto their word is what those say who know not; but God will judge between them in their quarrel on the Day of Judgment.
**Surah II. 113

*Never will the Jews or the Christians be satisfied with thee unless thou follow their form of religion. Say: &quot;The Guidance of God,-that is the (only) Guidance.&quot; Wert thou to follow their desires after the knowledge which hath reached thee, then wouldst thou find neither Protector nor helper against God.
**Surah II. 120

*O Children of Israel! call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you to all others (for My Message).
**Surah II. 122

*Ask the Children of Israel how many clear (Signs) We have sent them. But if any one, after God's favour has come to him, substitutes (something else), God is strict in punishment.
**Surah II. 211

*Hast thou not Turned thy vision to the Chiefs of the Children of Israel after (the time of) Moses? they said to a prophet (That was) among them: &quot;Appoint for us a king, that we May fight in the cause of God.&quot; He said: &quot;Is it not possible, if ye were commanded to fight, that that ye will not fight?&quot; They said: &quot;How could we refuse to fight in the cause of God, seeing that we were turned out of our homes and our families?&quot; but when they were commanded to fight, they turned back, except a small band among them. But God Has full knowledge of those who do wrong.
**Surah II. 246

*And (appoint him) an apostle to the Children of Israel, (with this message): &quot;'I have come to you, with a Sign from your Lord, in that I make for you out of clay, as it were, the figure of a bird, and breathe into it, and it becomes a bird by God's leave: And I heal those born blind, and the lepers, and I quicken the dead, by God's leave; and I declare to you what ye eat, and what ye store in your houses. Surely therein is a Sign for you if ye did believe. (I have come to you), to attest the Law which was before me. And to make lawful to you part of what was (Before) forbidden to you; I have come to you with a Sign from your Lord. So fear God, and obey me. It is God Who is my Lord and your Lord; then worship Him. This is a Way that is straight.&quot;
**Surah III. 49-51

*All food was lawful to the Children of Israel, except what Israel Made unlawful for itself, before the Law (of Moses) was revealed. Say: &quot;Bring ye the Law and study it, if ye be men of truth.&quot;
**Surah III. 93

*Of the Jews there are those who displace words from their (right) places, and say: &quot;We hear and we disobey&quot;; and &quot;Hear what is not Heard&quot;; and &quot;Ra'ina&quot;; with a twist of their tongues and a slander to Faith. If only they had said: &quot;We hear and we obey&quot;; and &quot;Do hear&quot;; and &quot;Do look at us&quot;; it would have been better for them, and more proper; but God hath cursed them for their Unbelief; and but few of them will believe.
**Surah IV. 46

*For the iniquity of the Jews We made unlawful for them certain (foods) good and wholesome which had been lawful for them;- in that they hindered many from God's Way; That they took usury, though they were forbidden; and that they devoured men's substance wrongfully;- we have prepared for those among them who reject faith a grievous punishment.
**Surah IV. 160-161

*God did aforetime take a covenant from the Children of Israel, and we appointed twelve captains among them. And God said: &quot;I am with you: if ye (but) establish regular prayers, practise regular charity, believe in my apostles, honour and assist them, and loan to God a beautiful loan, verily I will wipe out from you your evils, and admit you to gardens with rivers flowing beneath; but if any of you, after this, resisteth faith, he hath truly wandered from the path or rectitude.&quot;
**Surah V. 12

*On that account: We ordained for the Children of Israel that if any one slew a person - unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land - it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people. Then although there came to them Our apostles with clear signs, yet, even after that, many of them continued to commit excesses in the land.
**Surah V. 32

*It was We who revealed the law (to Moses): therein was guidance and light. By its standard have been judged the Jews, by the prophets who bowed (as in Islam) to God's will, by the rabbis and the doctors of law: for to them was entrusted the protection of God's book, and they were witnesses thereto: therefore fear not men, but fear me, and sell not my signs for a miserable price. If any do fail to judge by (the light of) what God hath revealed, they are (no better than) Unbelievers.
**Surah V. 44

*O ye who believe! take not the Jews and the Christians for your friends and protectors: They are but friends and protectors to each other. And he amongst you that turns to them (for friendship) is of them. Verily God guideth not a people unjust.
**Surah V. 51

*The Jews say: &quot;God's hand is tied up.&quot; Be their hands tied up and be they accursed for the (blasphemy) they utter. Nay, both His hands are widely outstretched: He giveth and spendeth (of His bounty) as He pleaseth. But the revelation that cometh to thee from God increaseth in most of them their obstinate rebellion and blasphemy. Amongst them we have placed enmity and hatred till the Day of Judgment. Every time they kindle the fire of war, God doth extinguish it; but they (ever) strive to do mischief on earth. And God loveth not those who do mischief 
**Surah V. 64

*We took the covenant of the Children of Israel and sent them apostles, every time, there came to them an apostle with what they themselves desired not - some (of these) they called impostors, and some they (go so far as to) slay.
**Surah V. 70

*Curses were pronounced on those among the Children of Israel who rejected Faith, by the tongue of David and of Jesus the son of Mary: because they disobeyed and persisted in excesses.
**Surah V. 78

*For those who followed the Jewish Law, We forbade every (animal) with undivided hoof, and We forbade them that fat of the ox and the sheep, except what adheres to their backs or their entrails, or is mixed up with a bone: this in recompense for their wilful disobedience: for We are true (in Our ordinances).
**Surah VI. 146

*Every time the penalty fell on them, they said: &quot;O Moses! on your behalf call on thy Lord in virtue of his promise to thee: If thou wilt remove the penalty from us, we shall truly believe in thee, and we shall send away the Children of Israel with thee.&quot; 
**Surah VII. 134

*We took the Children of Israel (with safety) across the sea. They came upon a people devoted entirely to some idols they had. They said: &quot;O Moses! fashion for us a god like unto the gods they have.&quot; He said: &quot;Surely ye are a people without knowledge.
**Surah VII. 138

*The people of Moses made, in his absence, out of their ornaments, the image of calf, (for worship): it seemed to low: did they not see that it could neither speak to them, nor show them the way? They took it for worship and they did wrong. When they repented, and saw that they had erred, they said: &quot;If our Lord have not mercy upon us and forgive us, we shall indeed be of those who perish.&quot; 
**Surah VII. 148-149

*The Jews call 'Uzair a son of God, and the Christians call Christ the son of God. That is a saying from their mouth; (in this) they but imitate what the unbelievers of old used to say. God's curse be on them: how they are deluded away from the Truth.
**Surah IX. 30

*We settled the Children of Israel in a beautiful dwelling-place, and provided for them sustenance of the best: it was after knowledge had been granted to them, that they fell into schisms. Verily God will judge between them as to the schisms am ongst them, on the Day of Judgment.
**Surah X. 93

*To the Jews We prohibited such things as We have mentioned to thee before: We did them no wrong, but they were used to doing wrong to themselves.
**Surah XVI. 118

*And We gave (Clear) Warning to the Children of Israel in the Book, that twice would they do mischief on the earth and be elated with mighty arrogance (and twice would they be punished). 
**Surah XVII. 4

*O ye Children of Israel! We delivered you from your enemy, and We made a Covenant with you on the right side of Mount (Sinai), and We sent down to you Manna and quails.
**Surah XX. 80

*Verily this Qur'an doth explain to the Children of Israel most of the matters in which they disagree.
**Surah XXVII. 76

*We did indeed aforetime give the Book to Moses: be not then in doubt of its reaching (thee): and We made it a guide to the Children of Israel.
**Surah XXXII. 23

*Say: &quot;O ye that stand on Judaism! If ye think that ye are friends to God, to the exclusion of (other) men, then express your desire for Death, if ye are truthful!&quot;
**Surah LXII. 6

==Hadith==
===Bukhari===
*Vol. 1, bk. 10, no. 53: Narrated Abu Musa: The Prophet said, “The example of Muslims, Jews and Christians is like the example of a man who employed laborers to work for him from morning till night. They worked till mid-day and they said, ‘We are not in need of your reward.’ So the man employed another batch and said to them, ‘Complete the rest of the day and yours will be the wages I had fixed (for the first batch). They worked up till the time of the ‘Asr prayer and said, ‘Whatever we have done is for you.’ He employed another batch. They worked for the rest of the day till sunset, and they received the wages of the two former batches.”
*Vol. 1, bk. 12, no. 749: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “Say ‘Amen’ when the Imam says” Ghairil-maghdubi ‘alaihim wala-ddal-lin; not the path of those who earn Your Anger (such as Jews) nor of those who go astray (such as Christians); all the past sins of the person whose saying (of Amen) coincides with that of the angels, will be forgiven.
*Vol. 2, bk. 23, no. 376: Narrated ‘Aisha (the wife of the Prophet): Once Allah’s Apostle passed by (the grave of) a Jewess whose relatives were weeping over her. He said, “They are weeping over her and she is being tortured in her grave.”
*Vol. 2, bk. 23, no. 414: Narrated ‘Urwa: Aisha said, “The Prophet in his fatal illness said, ‘Allah cursed the Jews and the Christians because they took the graves of their Prophets as places for praying.’”Aisha added, “Had it not been for that the grave of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) would have been made prominent but I am afraid it might be taken (as a) place for praying.”
*Vol. 3, bk. 31, no. 222: Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet came to Medina and saw the Jews fasting on the day of Ashura. He asked them about that. They replied, “This is a good day, the day on which Allah rescued Bani Israel from their enemy. So, Moses fasted this day.” The Prophet said, “We have more claim over Moses than you.” So, the Prophet fasted on that day and ordered (the Muslims) to fast (on that day).
*Vol. 3, bk. 34, no. 426: Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: Once ‘Umar was informed that a certain man sold alcohol. ‘Umar said, “May Allah curse him! Doesn’t he know that Allah’s Apostle said, ‘May Allah curse the Jews, for Allah had forbidden them to eat the fat of animals but they melted it and sold it.’”
*Vol. 3, bk. 34, no. 427: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “May Allah curse the Jews, because Allah made fat illegal for them but they sold it and ate its price.”
*Vol. 3, bk. 39, no. 531: Narrated Ibn ‘Umar: Umar expelled the Jews and the Christians from Hijaz. When Allah’s Apostle had conquered Khaybar, he wanted to expel the Jews from it as its land became the property of Allah, His Apostle, and the Muslims. Allah’s Apostle intended to expel the Jews but they requested him to let them stay there on the condition that they would do the labor and get half of the fruits. Allah’s Apostle told them, “We will let you stay on thus condition, as long as we wish.” So, they (i.e., Jews) kept on living there until ‘Umar forced them to go towards Taima’ and Ariha’.
*Vol. 3, bk. 47, no. 786: Narrated Anas bin Malik: A Jewess brought a poisoned (cooked) sheep for the Prophet who ate from it. She was brought to the Prophet and he was asked, “Shall we kill her?” He said, “No.” I continued to see the effect of the poison on the palate of the mouth of Allah’s Apostle.
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 176: Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said, “You (i.e., Muslims) will fight with the Jews till some of them will hide behind stones. The stones will (betray them) saying, ‘O ‘Abdullah (i.e., slave of Allah)! There is a Jew hiding behind me; so kill him.’”
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 177: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Jews, and the stone behind which a Jew will be hiding will say, ‘O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him.’”
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 195: Narrated Anas: The Prophet set out for Khaybar and reached it at night. He used not to attack if he reached the people at night, till the day broke. So, when the day dawned, the Jews came out with their bags and spades. When they saw the Prophet; they said, “Muhammad and his army!” The Prophet said, “Allahu—Akbar! (Allah is Greater) and Khaybar is ruined, for whenever we approach a nation (i.e., enemy to fight) then it will be a miserable morning for those who have been warned.”
*Vol. 4, bk. 52, no. 196: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “I have been ordered to fight with the people till they say, ‘None has the right to be worshipped but Allah,’ and whoever says, ‘None has the right to be worshipped but Allah,’ his life and property will be saved by me except for Islamic law, and his accounts will be with Allah (either to punish him or to forgive him).”
*Vol. 4, bk. 55, no. 546: Narrated Anas: When ‘Abdullah bin Salam heard the arrival of the Prophet at Medina, he came to him and said, “I am going to ask you about three things which nobody knows except a prophet: What is the first portent of the Hour? What will be the first meal taken by the people of Paradise? Why does a child resemble its father, and why does it resemble its maternal uncle,” Allah’s Apostle said, “Gabriel has just now told me of their answers.” ‘Abdullah said, “He (i.e., Gabriel), from amongst all the angels, is the enemy of the Jews.” Allah’s Apostle said, “The first portent of the Hour will be a fire that will bring together the people from the east to the west; the first meal of the people of Paradise will be Extra-lobe (caudate lobe) of fish-liver. As for the resemblance of the child to its parents: If a man has sexual intercourse with his wife and gets discharge first, the child will resemble the father, and if the woman gets discharge first, the child will resemble her.” On that ‘Abdullah bin Salam said, “I testify that you are the Apostle of Allah.” ‘Abdullah bin Salam further said, “O Allah’s Apostle! The Jews are liars, and if they should come to know about my conversion to Islam before you ask them (about me), they would tell a lie about me.” The Jews came to Allah’s Apostle and ‘Abdullah went inside the house. Allah’s Apostle asked (the Jews), “What kind of man is ‘Abdullah bin Salam amongst you?” They replied, “He is the most learned person amongst us, and the best amongst us, and the son of the best amongst us.” Allah’s Apostle said, “What do you think if he embraces Islam (will you do as he does)?” The Jews said, “May Allah save him from it.” Then ‘Abdullah bin Salam came out in front of them saying, “I testify that None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and that Muhammad is the Apostle of Allah.” Thereupon they said, “He is the evilest among us, and the son of the evilest amongst us,” and continued talking badly of him.
*Vol. 4, bk. 56, no. 660: Narrated ‘Aisha and Ibn ‘Abbas: On his death-bed Allah’s Apostle put a sheet over his face and when he felt hot, he would remove it from his face. When in that state (of putting and removing the sheet) he said, “May Allah’s Curse be on the Jews and the Christians for they build places of worship at the graves of their prophets.” (By that) he intended to warn (the Muslim) from what they (i.e., Jews and Christians) had done.
*Vol. 4, bk. 56, no. 662: Narrated Abu Said: The Prophet said, “You will follow the wrong ways, of your predecessors so completely and literally that if they should go into the hole of a mastigure, you too will go there.” We said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Do you mean the Jews and the Christians?” He replied, “Whom else?” (Meaning, of course, the Jews and the Christians.)
*Vol. 5, bk. 59, no. 365: Narrated Ibn Umar: Allah’s Apostle had the date-palm trees of Bani Al-Nadir burnt and cut down at a place called Al-Buwaira. Allah then revealed: “What you cut down of the date-palm trees (of the enemy) Or you left them standing on their stems. It was by Allah’s Permission.”
*Vol. 8, bk. 73, no. 53: Narrated ‘Aisha (the wife of the Prophet): A group of Jews entered upon the Prophet and said, “As-Samu-Alaikum” (i.e., death be upon you). I understood it and said, “Wa-Alaikum As-Samu walla’n” (death and the curse of Allah be upon you). Allah’s Apostle said “Be calm, O ‘Aisha! Allah loves that one should be kind and lenient in all matters.” I said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Haven’t you heard what they (the Jews) have said?” Allah’s Apostle said, “I have (already) said (to them) ‘And upon you!’”
*Vol. 9, bk. 85, no. 77: Narrated Abu Huraira: While we were in the mosque, Allah’s Apostle came out to us and said, “Let us proceed to the Jews.” So we went along with him till we reached Bait-al-Midras (a place where the Torah used to be recited and all the Jews of the town used to gather). The Prophet stood up and addressed them, “O Assembly of Jews! Embrace Islam and you will be safe!” The Jews replied, “O Aba-l-Qasim! You have conveyed Allah’s message to us.” The Prophet said, “That is what I want (from you).” He repeated his first statement for the second time, and they said, “You have conveyed Allah’s message, O Aba-1-Qasim.” Then he said it for the third time and added, “You should Know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to exile you from this land, so whoever among you owns some property, can sell it, otherwise you should know that the Earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle.”
*Vol. 9, bk. 93, no. 532: Narrated Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri: We said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Shall we see our Lord on the Day of Resurrection?” He said, “Do you have any difficulty in seeing the sun and the moon when the sky is clear?” We said, “No.” He said, “So you will have no difficulty in seeing your Lord on that Day as you have no difficulty in seeing the sun and the moon (in a clear sky).” The Prophet then said, “Somebody will then announce, ‘Let every nation follow what they used to worship.’ So the companions of the cross will go with their cross, and the idolaters (will go) with their idols, and the companions of every god (false deities) (will go) with their god, till there remain those who used to worship Allah, both the obedient ones and the mischievous ones, and some of the people of the Scripture. Then Hell will be presented to them as if it were a mirage. Then it will be said to the Jews, ‘“What did you use to worship?’ They will reply, ‘We used to worship Ezra, the son of Allah.’ It will be said to them, ‘You are liars, for Allah has neither a wife nor a son. What do you want (now)?’ They will reply, ‘We want You to provide us with water.’ Then it will be said to them ‘Drink,’ and they will fall down in Hell (instead).”

==Quotes==

*    The uncomfortable examination of Islamic doctrines and history is required in order to understand the enduring phenomenon of Muslim Jew hatred, which dates back to the origins of Islam. We can no longer view Muslim Jew hatred as a “borrowed phenomenon,” seen exclusively, or even primarily, through the prism of Nazism and the Holocaust, the tragic legacy of Judeophobic Christian traditions, or “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” from Czarist Russia.
**        Andrew Bostom, Legacy of Islamic Anti-Semitism

*Islam stands in a long line of Semitic, prophetic religious traditions that share an uncompromising monotheism, and belief in God's revelation, His prophets, ethical responsibility and accountability, and the Day of Judgement. Indeed, Muslims, like Christians and Jews, are the Children of Abraham, since all trace their communities back to him. Islam's historic religious and political relationship to Christendom and Judaism has remained strong throughout history. This interaction has been the source of mutual benefit.
** [[John Esposito|John L. Esposito]], ''Islam, The Straight Path'', Oxford University Press, 1988, pp. 3-4.

*The Israelites were thus being ungrateful and impertinent. Even otherwise, it was so usual with them not only to transgress divine commandments but also to deny them outright. They had also been slaying a number of prophets at different times - they knew they were committing a misdeed, but their hostility to the truth and their stubbornness in disobedience made them blind to the nature of their conduct and its consequences. Through such persistent and wilful misdemeanour they drew upon themselves the wrath of Allah. Disgrace and degradation settled upon them for ever. That is to say, they no longer had any respect in the eyes of others, nor magnanimity in themselves. One form of this disgrace is that temporal power has been taken away from them for ever. For only forty days, however, - and that too when the Day of Judgment will have come close - the Dajjal (Anti-Christ) belonging to the Jewish race, will have an irregular dominion like that of a robber. This cannot be described as having temporal power, in the proper sense of the term. Allah had made it quite clear to the Jews through Sayyidna Musa (Moses) that if they continued to be disobedient, they would always have to live under the domination of other nations. Says the Holy Qur'an: “And when your Lord proclaimed He would send forth against them, unto the Day of Resurrection, those who should visit them with evil chastisement.” (7:167) As to how the Companions, their successors and the great commentators have interpreted the disgrace and degradation which has settled on the Jews, let us present a summary in the words of Ibn Kathir: “No matter how wealthy they grow, they will always be despised by other people; whoever gets hold of them will humiliate them, and attach to them the emblems of servitude.” The commentator Dahhak Ibn Muzahim reports from the blessed Companion 'Abdullah Ibn 'Abbas that the Jews will always remain under the domination of others, will be paying taxes and tributes to them - that is to say, they will themselves never have power and authority in the real sense of the term. Another verse of the Holy Qur'an also speaks of the disgrace of the Jews, but with some addition: “And disgrace has been stamped over them wherever they are found, unless (saved) through a rope from Allah and through a rope from men.” (3:112)
**[[Muhammad Shafi Deobandi|Maulana Muhammad Shafi]]'s commentary on sura (chapter) 2, verse 61 of the Quran, (reiterated at Quran 3:112) in [https://archive.org/stream/MaarifulquranEnglishPdfVol1Page001741ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah/MaarifulquranEnglishPdf-Vol1-Page185-234ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah_djvu.txt ''Ma'ariful Qur'an''].

*Now, the “rope” or means from Allah refers to the case of those whom Allah Himself has, through His own commandment, saved from this disgrace - for example, children, women, or those who are totally devoted to prayer and worship and never go to war against Muslims. The “rope” or means from men refers to a treaty of peace with the Muslims, or a permission to live in a Muslim country on payment of the Jizyah (the tax levied on non-Muslims living in a Muslim country, which exonerates them from military service etc.) Since the Holy Qur'an uses the expression “from men” and not “from Muslims”, a third situation is also possible - the Jews may make political arrangements with other non-Muslims, live under their backing and protection, and thus be in “peace”. ... Thus, Verse 3:112 helps to elucidate Verse 2:61, and also dispels the doubt which sometimes arises in the minds of the Muslims at the sight of the so-called “Israeli state” imposed on Palestine. For, they find it difficult to reconcile the two things - the Holy Qur'an seems to indicate that the Jews will never have a sovereign state, while they have actually usurped Palestine and set up a state of their own. But if we go beyond the appearances, we can easily see that “Israel” is not an independent sovereign state, but only a stronghold of the Western powers which they have established in the midst of Muslim countries in order to protect their own interests; without the backing of these super-powers the Jewish “state” cannot survive for a month, and the Western powers themselves look upon the Israelis as their henchmen. The “Israeli state” has been living, as the Holy Qur'an says, “through a rope from men,” and, even at that, living as a parasite on the Western powers. So, there is no real occasion to have a misgiving about what the Holy Qur'an has said on the subject. Moreover, the half of Palestine which the Jews have usurped and the parasite state they have set up there is no more than a spot on the map of the world. As against this, we have vast expanses of the globe covered by Christian states, by Muslim states, and even by the states of people who do not believe in Allah at all. Can this tiny blot on the map and that too under the American-British umbrella, negate the disgrace which Allah has made to settle upon the Jews?
**Maulana Muhammad Shafi's commentary on sura (chapter) 2, verse 61 of the Quran, (reiterated at Quran 3:112) in [https://archive.org/stream/MaarifulquranEnglishPdfVol1Page001741ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah/MaarifulquranEnglishPdf-Vol1-Page185-234ByMuftiShafiUsmaniRah_djvu.txt ''Ma'ariful Qur'an''].

*Whenever a Jew is killed, it is for the benefit of Islam.
**Ahmad Sirhindi, quoted from Bostom, A. G. (2015). Sharia versus freedom: The legacy of Islamic totalitarianism. quoting Sirhindi, “On Killing a Jew,” in Yohanan Friedmann, Shaykh Ahmad Sirhindi: An Outline of His Thought and a Study of His Image in the Eyes of Posterity (Montreal: McGill University, Institute of Islamic Studies, 1971).

* Your religion, although it has some good points, such as worship of the great Being, and the necessity of being just and charitable, is otherwise nothing but a rehash of Judaism and a tedious collection of fairy tales.
** [[Voltaire]], Reason in ''[http://history.hanover.edu/texts/voltaire/volreaso.html The Philosophical Dictionary]'' selected and translated by H.I. Woolf (1924)

* Thus, when Muslims crossed the straits of Gibraltar from North Africa in 711 CE and invaded the Iberian Peninsula, Jews welcomed them as liberators from Christian Persecution.
** Zion Zohar, ''Sephardic and Mizrahi Jewry: From the Golden Age of Spain to Modern Times'', NYU Press, 2005, p. 8

* Born during this era of Islamic rule, the famous Golden Age of Spanish Jewry (circa 900-1200) produced such luminaries as: statesman and diplomat Hasdai ibn Shaprut, vizier and army commander Shmuel ha-Nagid, poet-philosophers Solomon Ibn Gabriol and Judah Halevi,and at the apex of them all, Moses Ben Maimon, also known among the Spaniards as Maimonides.
** Zion Zohar, ''Sephardic and Mizrahi Jewry: From the Golden Age of Spain to Modern Times'', NYU Press, 2005, p. 9

* Islam is nothing more nor less than Judaism plus the apostle-ship of Mohammad.
**—S. M. Zwemer, as quoted in Ibn Warraq, Why I am not a Muslim , quoting Zwemer, S. [1] Islam: A Challenge to Faith. New York, 1908. p 17

== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}

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'''''The Orville''''' is a [[w:Science fiction|science fiction]] [[w:Comedy-drama|comedy-drama]] television series created by and starring [[Seth MacFarlane]] for the [[w:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox Broadcasting Company]]. The series relates the adventures of Captain Ed Mercer, his first officer (and ex-wife) Kelly Grayson, and the crew of the ''Orville'' as they embark on various diplomatic and exploratory missions.

==Season 1==
===''Old Wounds'' [1.01]===
:''[Mercer and Gordon see the'' Orville ''for the first time from the window of their shuttle.]''
:'''Ed Mercer''': It's not bad, right?
:'''Gordon Malloy''': No, it's good. You paint some flames on the side, maybe like a rainbow unicorn, you got something.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': All right, Lieutenant Commander Bortus, our second officer. You know, I've never met a single-gender species before. Your entire species is male, isn't it?
:'''Bortus''': That is correct, sir.
:'''Mercer''': So, there's probably not a lot of arguments about leaving the toilet seat up and that kind of thing, right?
:'''Bortus''': ''[deadpan tone]'' No. Moclans urinate only once per year.
:'''Mercer''': Really? That's... Me, I'm-I'm up two, three times a night.
:'''Bortus''': ''[deadpan]'' That is unfortunate.
:'''Mercer''': ''[chagrined]'' It is.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''John LaMarr''': Figured I'd introduce myself since we're gonna be working full shifts together.
:'''Gordon''': ''[in good humor]'' Translation: You want to make sure I'm not a jerk.
:'''LaMarr''': Something like that.
:'''Gordon''': ''[facetiously]'' Dude, I'm such a jerk, it's ridiculous.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[also facetious]'' Okay, well, so am I, so this is gonna work out great.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The'' Orville ''officers witness a demonstration of a quantum-time accelerator, which rapidly ages a banana.]''
:'''Mercer''': ''[unimpressed]'' So, it's an anti-banana ray.
:'''Kelly Grayson''': ''[also unimpressed]'' It's really interesting.
:'''Mercer''': We need no longer fear the banana.
:'''Kelly''': Does it work on all fruit?
:'''Mercer''': What about salads?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Door's jammed. Alara. You want to open this jar of pickles for me? (''a line which will be a running gag throughout Season one'')
:''[Using her superhuman strength, security chief Alara Kitan knocks down the huge door and parts of the surrounding wall.]''
:'''Mercer''': I loosened it for you.

===''Command Performance'' [1.02]===
:'''Bortus''': ''[noticing the stuffed animal on Mercer's desk]'' What is that?
:'''Mercer''': That is, uh, [[w:Kermit the Frog|Kermit the Frog]].
:'''Bortus''': I do not recognize the species.
:'''Mercer''': It's an amphibious life-form from Earth. 
:'''Bortus''': Is it someone you know?
:'''Mercer''': No, no, he's just a leader I admire. Always keeps his cool in a crisis, inspires greatness in his people. He's... so what can I do for you?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Alara Kitan''': Eggs?
:'''Mercer''': That's what he said. Moclans reproduce by laying eggs, which I never knew.
:'''John LaMarr''': Well, where does it come out of? The butt?
:'''Mercer''': You know, John, I didn't really pry into those kinds of specifics.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[to Gordon]'' How's that not the first thing you ask?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': There is a matter I wish to discuss with you.
:'''Calivon zoo administrator''': If you're gonna try and sell me that Xelayan female, I've already got one.
:'''Isaac''': She is not for sale. She is...  my pet.
:'''Alara''': ''[snidely]'' Woof.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer and Kelly are about to be killed by criss-crossing lasers closing in on them.]''
:'''Mercer''': Oh, God. No, no, no. Uh, uh... ''I'm going to the bathroom to read!''
:''[The lasers abruptly stop.]''
:'''Kelly''': What the hell was that?
:'''Mercer''': It was... [[w:Elvis Presley|Elvis Presley's]] last words. It was all I could think of.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Calivon worker #1''': ''[[w:The Batchelor (American TV series)|The Batchelor]]''. ''[[w:Duck Dynasty|Duck Dynasty]]''. ''[[w:Keeping Up with the Kardashians|Keeping Up with the Kardashians]]''. 
:'''Calivon worker #2''': There must be ten thousand files here. What is this [[w:Reality television|reality television]]?
:'''Calivon zoo administrator''': The best exhibit we've ever had.

===''About a Girl'' [1.03]===
:'''Isaac''': Captain, I do not understand the reason for this conflict. Would the gender alteration procedure harm the infant or endanger her life?
:'''Kelly''': There are different kinds of harm, Isaac. Psychological harm, for one. I'd have been pretty pissed off if my parents had made the unilateral decision to make me a guy. 
:'''Mercer''': And while it might have saved me an entire marriage if they had, it still would have been wrong.
:'''Kelly''': ''[snippy]'' Oh, thanks.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Having just watched [[w:Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (TV special)|Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer]], Bortus has become very taken and inspired by it.]''
:'''Bortus''': Of ''course''. Without Rudolph's nose, Santa would not have been able to complete his voyage. 
:'''LaMarr''': Looks like Santa got pretty lucky, huh?
:'''Bortus''': Christmas would have been ruined had Rudolph had been euthanized at birth, as his father wished.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I don't... I don't know if ''that'' was ever on the table.
:'''Bortus''': What was ''clearly'' a deformity became a supreme advantage. One can never know.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': &quot;Between soul and sacrifice beats the heart of civilization.&quot;
:'''Kelly''': What's that from?
:'''Bortus''': It is from a novel by Gondus Elden, a Moclan writer of great esteem. It is customary to respond with a fitting passage from the literature of one's own planet.
:'''Kelly''': ... &quot;''[[w:Survivor (Destiny's Child song)|I'm a survivor. I'm not gon' give up. I'm not  gon' stop. I'm-a work harder.]]''&quot;
:'''Bortus''': Those are words of great power. Who wrote them?
:'''Mercer''': I think it was actually about fifteen different people.
:'''Bortus''': They must be very wise, these fifteen people.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Lieutenant Malloy, I'm gonna ask you a few questions that one might find on any basic test of adult knowledge. 
:'''Gordon''': Go for it.
:'''Kelly''': ''[low]'' These are gonna be kind of hard for you. Sorry.
:'''Gordon''': ''[low]'' It's okay, Commander. It's for the baby.
:'''Kelly''': Let's start off with some Earth history. A few hundred years ago, the continents of Earth were divided into separate nation states with individual sovereign governments. What was the capital of the United States of America?
:'''Gordon''': Um... pass.
:'''Kelly''': No, it's-it's not a 'pass' kind of thing. Just give me your closest guess. 
:'''Gordon''': What was the capital of the United States of America? [[w:Nabisco|Nabisco]]?
:'''Kelly''': No.
:'''Gordon''': The moon?
:'''Kelly''': Let's move on. What are the four chambers of the human heart?
:'''Gordon''': [[w:Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (film)|The chamber of secrets]], the chamber of horrors, the chamber of....
:'''Kelly''': No, no, let me get you halfway. There's the left and the right ventricle ant the left and the right...
:'''Gordon''': ... I would like to switch to movie trivia.
:'''Kelly''': Let's try one more. In the year 2056, which genetic engineer discovered how to target and eradicate individual cancer cells?
:'''Gordon''': Doctor... [[w:Bill Nye the Science Guy|Bill Nye the Cancer Guy]]?
:'''Kelly''': ''[to the tribunal]'' Well, my point is made. While this male may be the fleet's best pilot, he's also an idiot. (''low, to Gordon'') Sorry, Gordon.
:'''Gordon''': Totally okay.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Heveena''': &quot;The blackest abyss is a pock in the flesh when one has gazed in solitude upon the Infinity of self.&quot;
:'''Kagus''': You dare to use the words of Gondus Elden to serve your own purposes?! If he were here, he would ''spit'' on you for that!
:'''Heveena''': Would he? ''[approaches Kagus]'' Why don't you ask him?
:''[Murmurs come from the tribunal's audience.]''
:'''Kagus''': ''[stunned]'' No...
:'''Bortus''': I do not believe it.
:'''Kelly''': Well, look at that. Your planet's greatest writer... is a female.
:'''Heveena''': There are many ways to contribute to society, Advocate. This was mine.

===''If the Stars Should Appear'' [1.04]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[sighs]'' Star-mapping has got to be the most boring damn job there is. I'd rather have brunch with my parents.
:'''LaMarr''': Uh, I'd rather have brunch with my parents and their parents.
:'''Gordon''': I'd rather have brunch with my parents and their really good friends who they haven't seen in a while, who just got back from a vacation in Florida and took lots of pictures while visiting their daughter, who just had a brand new baby.
:'''LaMarr''': That just made me want to kill myself.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Kelly is being brutally interrogated by the worldship's theocratic dictator, Hamelac, and his Enforcers.]''
:'''Hamelac''': One more time. Who are you, and where are the others?
:'''Kelly''': I already told you, you stupid son-of-a-bitch. Our vessel encountered yours drifting in space, and we're trying to help you before you fall into that star and get your nuts burned off.
:'''Hamelac''': And I told you you're lying, because there is no such place. Again. Where are your friends?
:'''Kelly''': Well, last time I saw them, one of them was banging your mom, and the other one was high-fiving him.
:''[An Enforcer punches Kelly hard across the face.]''
:'''Hamelac''': Where... are... your... friends?
:'''Kelly''': ''[softly]'' Okay. I'll tell you. ''[speaking up]'' [[w:Friends|There's a little coffee shop on Lafayette Street in Soho called &quot;Central Perk.&quot; My friends are there.]] Just please... don't hurt [[w:Marcel (Friends)|the monkey]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Hamelac''': Is it possible that there's more to this universe than what we see. ''Yes'', it's possible!
:'''Dr. Claire Finn''': Then for God's sake, why don't you let us help you? We can try to repair your ship.
:'''Hamelac''': To do as you say would shatter our entire way of life. This world is not ready.
:'''Mercer''': No, you mean ''you're'' not ready to give up control over these people.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''': ''&quot;If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the City of God.&quot;''
:'''Mercer''': Is that [[Shakespeare]]?
:'''Claire''': [[Emerson]].
:'''Mercer''': William Byron Emerson, yes, yes.
:'''Claire''': Ralph Waldo.
:'''Mercer''': Ralph Waldo. Lord Ralph Waldo [[Keats]]... David [[Thoreau]], yes.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kemka''': Thank you. For everything.
:'''Kelly''': Don't thank us. We just gave you back what was already yours.
:'''Kemka''': Yes. Our future.

===''Pria'' [1.05]===
:'''Isaac''': ''[trying to understand humor]'' But to derive mirth from the pain of another being is sadism, is it not?
:'''Mercer''': I  mean, it's case by case. Like, if a guy on a bike tries to do a trick, and he smashes his balls, that's funny.
:'''Bortus''': I would agree.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Captain, respectfully submit that the attractiveness of the ship's occupant makes the rescue imperative.
:'''LaMarr''': ''I'' could do it.
:'''Isaac''': The star's gravity will cause the comet to break apart in seven minutes, 23 seconds.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[to Gordon]'' ''You'' could do it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': How many times have you done this (''forcibly taken ships and people into the future)?
:'''Pria''': When we get to my century, I'll introduce you to [[w:Amelia Earhart|Amelia Earhart]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Well, it's good to know teleportation is in our future.
:'''Pria''': You can take a breath in New York and exhale it in Paris.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': You know what the most depressing part about this is? I allowed myself to care about you, and you used me. And despite all of your claims that you still care about me, not once have you even said, &quot;I'm sorry.&quot;
:'''Pria''': It's a good rule in life never to apologize. The right kind of people never want apologies, and the wrong kind take advantage of them.
:'''Mercer''': Fair enough.

===''Krill'' [1.06]===
:'''Alara''': Apparently, having a girlfriend with ten times your physical strength makes a guy feel emasculated.
:'''LaMarr''': Wow, you're just gonna have to date Isaac here.
:'''Isaac''': I am fascinated by the interpersonal behavior of biological organisms. I would be happy to attempt sexual relations with you, Lieutenant.
:''[Everyone at the table falls into an embarrassed silence.]''
:'''Alara''': ''[strained]'' ... I'm actually just sort of working on myself right now. Um... (''clears her throat''), but thanks.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Captain Haros''': This chapel is a recreation of the one in which I worshiped as a child.
:'''Mercer/&quot;Chris&quot;''': Well, I guess it's true what they say: &quot;Rank has its privileges.&quot;
:'''Haros''': I have never heard that aphorism. Who says it?
:'''Mercer/&quot;Chris&quot;''': Oh. I... I guess it's me who says it.
:'''Haros''': it is a wise observation.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[at an evening meal]'' 
:'''Teleya''': Thank you, Avis, for this our sustenance, that it may provide strength and perseverance. ''[to the disguised Mercer and Ed]'' Would you like to say a blessing?
:'''Ed/&quot;Devon&quot;''': ''[bowing his head]'' Um... [[w:Avis Car Rental|Avis. We try harder.]]

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[during a classroom Q &amp; A]''
:'''Krill child''': Why doesn't the union believe in Avis?
:'''Ed/&quot;Devon&quot;''': Well, they worship their own god called [[w:The Hertz Corporation|Hertz]].
:'''Coja''': Do humans have souls?
:'''Teleya''': Of course not, Coja. 
:'''Coja''': Then how can they talk? Or make spaceships?
:'''Teleya''': A computer can talk. That does not mean it has a soul. Remember the ''Anhkana'' (''the Krill &quot;Bible&quot;''). &quot;Judge not a stranger by his sheath, but by his sword.&quot;

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[defending his killing of the Krill crew]'' Our mission was in the interest of peace. But your crew was going to murder a hundred thousand people. What the hell else could I have done?
:'''Teleya''': Why did you save the children?
:'''Mercer''': They're kids. With their whole lives ahead of them. They're not my enemies.
:'''Teleya''': After what they saw you do today,... they will be. ''They will be.''

===''Majority Rule'' [1.07]===
:''[Mercer sees the landing party dressed for an undercover mission in 21st century-style clothes.]'' 
:'''Mercer''': My God, you guys look  like unemployed backup dancers.
:'''Kelly''': ''You'' want to lead this landing party?
:'''Mercer''': No, I'm too shy to wear a [[w:Crop top|crop top]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': So (''your world'') is an absolute democracy? 
:'''Lysella''': Yeah. How does your world work?
:'''Mercer''': We select representatives who discuss issues and enact laws.
:'''Lysella''': But what about everybody else? Everybody deserves a voice. That's what we're taught.
:'''Bortus''': A voice should be earned, not given away.
:'''Mercer''': How do you know what foods are healthiest for your children, or what medicine to take if you're sick?
:'''Lysella''': We vote.
:'''Isaac''': I believe you are confusing opinion with knowledge.
:'''Alara''': I think what he's asking  is, with so many voices at once, how do you filter out the truth?
:'''Lysella''': Well, my dad always says, &quot;The majority ''are'' the truth.&quot; I mean, you always know what the majority wants. That's what matters.
:'''Mercer''': Well, you always know what the ''mob'' wants, too. And right now, the mob wants to lobotomize my navigator.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Isaac is flooding the planet's master opinion poll with false, albeit favorable, information about LaMarr to influence the Final Vote in his favor.]''
:'''Claire''': What if people try to corroborate all this information?
:'''Lysella''': Don't worry. They won't.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': ''[having narrowly escaped the planetary punishment]'' Real quick, I just want to say, ''all'' y'all can suck ass, and I'm a spaceman.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Lysella, thank you.
:'''Lysella''': No. Thank ''you'' for letting me see all of this. I just wish I could tell somebody.
:'''Claire''': Well, all you need to tell them is that their world can do better.

===''Into the Fold'' [1.08]===
:'''Isaac''': Dr. Finn. I look forward to joining you and your offspring on this recreational outing. It will give me an opportunity to observe human familial dynamics at close range.
:'''Claire''': Crap.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': Your commands have little to no effect on (''your children's'') behavior. Perhaps you should reevaluate your method of controlling them. ''[gets hit on the back of the head by a flying portable video game]''
:'''Claire''': Just what I need. Parenting tips from a talking hubcap.
:'''Isaac''': ''[slightly surprised]'' You harbor prejudice against artificial life-forms.
:'''Claire''': Only against life-forms that think they're better than everyone else.
:'''Isaac''': I ''am'' better than everyone else.
:'''Claire''': Oh, and so modest.
:'''Isaac''': It was not intended as a boast. Merely a statement of fact. My only directive is to study human behavior in the interest of relations between Kaylon and the Union.
:'''Claire''': You want to improve relations? Don't tell a mother how to raise her kids.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Barry Manilow's &quot;[[w:Somewhere Down the Road (Barry Manilow song)|Somewhere Down the Road]]&quot; plays in the engineering room while the crew does systems upgrades.]''
:'''LaMarr''': Hey, uh, Steve? You think we could change the music? Something less depressing?
:'''Chief Engineer Newton''': You got to get cultured, my friend. [[w:Barry Manilow|Barry Manilow]] was an underappreciated genius of his time.
:'''LaMarr''': Then how come I want to throw myself out the airlock?
:'''Yaphit''': I got to say, watching your corpse drift away to this music would be so peaceful.
:''[Mercer enters and hears the song.]'' 
:'''Mercer''': ''[sighing]'' Oh, God, Manilow was a genius.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Marcus''': Mom... I'm... I'm sorry that I didn't want to go on the trip. And I'm sorry I said you suck. I didn't mean it.
:'''Claire''': Marcus. Listen to me. People say things they don't mean when they're angry. You know how sometimes I yell at you and your brother if you something wrong? Well, you know I still love you with all my heart, right?
:'''Marcus''': Uh-huh.
:'''Claire''': And I know you love me right back. So it's all okay. You understand?
:'''Marcus''': Yeah.
:'''Claire''': I know you love your brother, too. So, right now, I want you to help Isaac take care of him. Do you understand?
:'''Marcus''': Yes, ma'am.
:'''Claire''': Good. I love you.
:'''Marcus''': I love you, too.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': May I make a final observation? Your children are unruly, disrespectful, volatile, and highly unpredictable. I am quite fond of them.
:'''Claire''': Welcome to the family.

===''Cupid's Dagger'' [1.09]===
:'''Mercer''': Did you hear what he said just now? He goes, he goes 'I am entitled to my feelings and the space to express them.' My God, thank you for lighting me on fire and then giving me ''permission'' to be in pain.

===''Firestorm'' [1.10]===
:'''Newton''': ''[delivering Lt. Harrison Payne's eulogy]'' Hey, guys. Thanks for coming. Harrison was a great guy. We met at camp the summer after eighth grade when he gave me the [[w:Heimlich maneuver|Heimlich maneuver]] after I accidentally swallowed a wine cork. Harrison and I went through a lot together. He was my best friend. And it's fitting that his last name was &quot;Payne&quot;, because he probably died in a lot of it. Which is exactly the kind of thing he would find funny, in case any one was planning to get mad at me. Anyway... Rest in  peace, Harrison. You were the best.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': It's a little short for a condolence letter.
:'''Mercer''': I know, I ''suck'' at these things. I don't want to make it sound too generic, but I hardly knew the man, so I-I just got nothing to go on.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, but look how you open it: &quot;Dear Mr. and Mrs. Payne, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Your son was such a neat guy.&quot; I mean, that's.. that's terrible.
:'''Mercer''': I'm not a writer, okay?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Wait, what if we all ''died'' in that plasma storm, and this is actually some kind of [[w:Purgatory|Purgatory]]. 
:'''LaMarr''': ''How'' would we know we were in Purgatory? What's Purgatory even like?
:'''Kelly''': You ever been married?
:'''LaMarr''': No.
:'''Mercer''': It's like that.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': This is gonna sound like I'm talking out of my ass.
:'''Isaac''': Then please try to enunciate.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Alara''': So, who's afraid of clowns?
:'''LaMarr''': That's me.
:'''Alara''': You really ''are'' afraid of clowns?
:'''LaMarr''': ''[getting nervous]'' Yes. ''Please'' stop saying the &quot;C&quot; word.
:'''Alara''': And the abyss?
:'''Claire''': Heights. My phobia.
:'''Alara''': What about the sickbay mess?
:'''Gordon''': That's me. Scared to death of surgery. I had a [[w:Skin tag|skin tag]] removed once, total panic attack.
:'''Mercer''': The spiders came from me. I'm a bit of an arachnophobe.
:'''Isaac''': Commander Grayson cited a fear of isolation, with which I conceived the empty ship.
:'''Alara''': That just leaves crazy psycho Isaac.
:'''Kelly''': You can thank Bortus for that one.
:'''Alara''': ''[regards Bortus, realizes]'' Fear of being conquered by a superior enemy.
:'''Bortus''': I am feeling very self-conscious. May I leave?
:'''Mercer''': Uh, sure. ''[Bortus leaves the room]''

===''New Dimensions'' [1.11]===
:'''Kelly''': Generally, when someone's as smart as you are, they make productive use of it.
:'''LaMarr''': Well, with all due respect, Commander, that's ''my'' business.
:'''Kelly''': Lieutenant, have you ever studied the history of money?
:'''LaMarr''': Not really. I know people used to use it to buy houses and sandwiches and stuff.
:'''Kelly''': Exactly. It became obsolete with the invention of matter synthesis. The predominant currency became reputation. 
:'''LaMarr''': Yeah, so?
:'''Kelly''': My point is, human ambition didn't vanish. The only thing that changed was how we quantify wealth. People still want to be rich, only now rich means being the best at what you do.
:'''LaMarr''': Not everybody wants that. Some people like to keep it simple. Some people want to go to work, go home, drink a beer and pass out.
:'''Kelly''': Are you one of those people?
:'''LaMarr''': I am very fond of drinking beer and passing out, yes.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Captain Blavaroch''': ''Grahj-kalooga''.
:'''Mercer''': Anybody speak Horbalak?
:'''Isaac''': The direct translation is, &quot;You can shove it up your--&quot;
:'''Mercer''': Okay, got it, got it.
:'''Isaac''': Do you wish to hear the rest of the translation?
:'''Mercer''': No, no, I-I get the gist.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': I think we could create a stable quantum bubble inside the shuttle, and preserve three-dimensional space.
:'''Claire''': So, the outside would be squashed, but the inside wouldn't.
:'''Mercer''': More space inside than out, just like [[w:The Doctor|Doctor Who]]'s [[w:TARDIS|phone booth]].
:'''Kelly''': Or [[w:Oscar the Grouch|Oscar the Grouch]]'s can.
:'''LaMarr''': Or [[w:Snoopy|Snoopy]]'s doghouse, yeah.
:'''Claire''': The miracles of quantum physics.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': ''[to the engineering crew]'' Now you listen to me, and you listen good. Yaphit's a member of our team, and you're gonna treat him that way. He had an idea and I thought it was a good one. ''I'' made the decision to go with it. So if you want to blame somebody, you blame me. It's ''my'' fault. And now maybe people will ''believe'' me when I say I am ''not'' a ''commander''! Now get back to work.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Excuse my bluntness, but... why do you hide your brains?
:'''LaMarr''': The colony where I'm from was brand-new, lot of farmers, lot of builders. They didn't trust anyone who was too much of an egghead. You'd be surprised how fast you can alienate people when you're always right. I wanted to be liked, accepted. Just became habit, I guess.

===''Mad Idolatry'' [1.12]===
:'''Isaac''': Commander, I remind you to use caution. Any contact with a culture that primitive (''[[w:Bronze Age|Bronze Age]]-level'') --
:'''Kelly''': ''[a bit snappish]'' Yeah, I know. Cultural contamination. I don't need you to remind me of the rules.
:'''Isaac''': ''[somewhat put out]'' I am merely attempting to be helpful, Commander. There is no need to be -- what does Captain Mercer call it -- &quot;pissy&quot;.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer hasn't included Kelly's contact with a planetary local in his report to the Admiral.]''
:'''Kelly''': Why didn't you tell her?
:'''Mercer''': You helped out a kid, that's all. And cultural contamination of a society that undeveloped is a serious charge. I just don't want to have to come visit you in prison.
:'''Kelly''': Really? You wouldn't want to visit a woman's prison?
:'''Mercer''': You're right, I'll call her back.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The 'Kelly' blessing]''
:'''Kelly''': Um... I hope your kid grows up and, uh... does a lot of good stuff. And... um...
:'''Gordon''': ''[aside]'' And doesn't get any girls pregnant.
:'''Kelly''': And doesn't get any girls pregnant! Stay in school.
:'''Gordon''': Amen.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Look, there's been a little misunderstanding. I'm not who you think I am.
:'''Valondis''': But you are. Healer of men. Divine hand of the heavens. God of all creation.
:'''Alara''': Man, this guy'd be the perfect boyfriend.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Female planetary representative''': Our society has become a space-faring culture with ships spread out across the galaxy. In our home universe, that is. But we wouldn't have gotten where we are without growing pains.
:'''Male planetary representative''': ''[to Kelly]'' Our planet worshiped you as a deity for many centuries. But had it not been you, the mythology would have found another face. It's part of every culture's evolution. It's one of the stages of learning. And eventually, it brought us here.
:'''Female planetary representative''': So you see, Commander, you didn't poison our culture with false faith. We flourish. ''You'' must have faith in reason, in discovery, and in the endurance of the logical mind.

==Season 2==
===''Ja'loja'' [2.01]===
:'''Mercer''': ''[having drinks with Alara at the mess hall bar]'' You know, there are times when I feel like you and I are more alike than any two people on the ship.
:'''Alara''': How so?
:'''Mercer''': Well, we both know we're good at our jobs, and yet we also seem to be the only two people who are haunted by this little voice that's always whispering that we don't really deserve to be here. And we're both alcoholics.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer is briefing the senior officers about Bortus' ''ja'loja'', a Moclan's annual urination ceremony.]''
:'''Mercer''': Okay. Now, I know this is gonna sound utterly insane to most of you and your first instinct may be to laugh, but we're all going to take this seriously, so I don't want to hear any jokes, no snide remarks, nothing.
:''[later]''
:'''Mercer''': ''[innocently]'' Bortus, if you need any time off to make preparations, feel free to relieve yourself.
:''[Gordon snickers and Mercer, realizing what he's just said, hangs his head, embarrassed.]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Bortus]'' No, it's-it's okay, man. He's just taking the piss out of you.
:'''Mercer''': ''[immediately]'' Okay, that's it. Dismissed. We're done. We're done.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': ''[regarding Ty's piano playing]'' Very, good, Ty. You have been practicing.
:'''Ty''': Yeah. Mom makes me practice a half hour every day. How long did it take ''you'' to learn piano?
:'''Isaac''': Approximately one-millionth of a [[w:Nanosecond|nanosecond]]. 
:'''Ty''': Wow.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[giving Cassius advice on dating Kelly]'' Here's my theory. A woman can't really love a man unless he's part dope. Be a little stupid every day, and ''really'' stupid once in a while, but... just don't be perfect.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': ''[commencing his'' Ja'loja ''ceremony]'' In the sight of those who stand with me, and those for whom I would sacrifice my being, I begin... the Release.

===''Primal Urges'' [2.02]===
:'''LaMarr''': Man, ten planets gobbled up by a hungry star. Remind me not to be on Earth when that happens to us.
:'''Isaac''': Earth's sun will not become a red supergiant for another five billion years, Commander. You will be long deceased and forgotten.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[laughs]'' There's gonna be some ladies still talking about ''me''.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Topa''': ''[picking at his food]'' Papa, can I be all done now?
:'''Bortus''': No, Topa. Finish your ''plokta''. Remember: if you do not eat, you will die.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Why the hell is dealing with Moclan culture always this difficult?
:'''Mercer''': They mutilate their female babies. They kill each other when they want a divorce. What do they do when it's someone's birthday, light the parents on fire?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': Surely, there is a more civilized means of selecting those who will be evacuated.
:'''Bortus''': I do not know, but it is their way.
:'''Isaac''': A random drawing of names is quite inefficient. It would be wiser to select the members of the society who possess the highest degree of intelligence.
:'''Bortus''': I may be a 'primitive organism', but I am happy I am ''not'' like you.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': I have been a bad mate. I have been disrespectful. Instead of speaking my mind aloud, I have retreated into a fantasy world.
:'''Klyden''': Dr. Finn says, if you talk about it, you get rid of it.
:'''Bortus''': Klyden. I do not know that I will ever be fully at peace with what happened to Topa. But today, I  witnessed events that... l am very fortunate to have you and Topa in my life. And I do not wish to lose you again.
:'''Klyden''': I do not wish to lose you, either.

===''Home'' [2.03]===
:''[The crew insist on yet another arm wrestling match between Alara and Isaac, on which they wager.]''
:'''Isaac''': I still fail to comprehend the purpose of this ritual.
:'''Alara''': We're circus animals, Isaac. I hate to break it to you.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': ''[marveling at the Xelayan city and landscape]'' God, I just can't... I mean, ''look'' at that.
:'''Mercer''': Nothing like it.
:'''Gordon''': You know, it's places like this that make me realize... God, I'm trash. My family is trash.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Alara''': Those people (''the'' Orville ''crew'') inspired me more in a year than anyone on Xelayah did my entire life.
:'''Ildis Kitan''': Now that is the gravity sickness talking.
:'''Alara''': No, Dad, that's ''me'' talking! Open your stupid ears and listen. All I ever needed to hear from you was, &quot;You can do it.&quot; That's all. Just once. And-and maybe that would've been a lie, but I needed that, Dad. I really needed it. And you know who said it to me instead. Captain Mercer, Commander Grayson and everyone on the ''Orville''. But not my own father.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Anything new in Engineering?
:'''Kelly''': Nothing departmental, but Yaphit's six-month evaluation was last week, and he asked what our parental leave is.
:'''Mercer''': Why? Is he thinking of splitting in half?
:'''Kelly''': We can't legally ask him that.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Ildis''': ''[badly shaken]'' Alara, you... We would all have been...
:'''Alara''': You don't have to say it, Dad. It's my job. It's what I've been trying to tell you for years. 
:'''Ildis''': They would have killed us. All of us.
:'''Alara''': Probably
:'''Ildis''': ''[getting emotional]'' I don't know you. I never even ''tried'' to know you.
:'''Alara''': I ''wanted'' you to know me, Dad. All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me.
:'''Ildis''': I am so proud. So very proud that you are my daughter. ''[on the verge of tears]'' And I'm so sorry that you got me for a father.
:''[Ildis begins crying. Alara takes his uninjured hand to comfort him.]''

===''Nothing Left on Earth Excepting Fishes'' [2.04]===
:'''Mercer''': You know, you got to pick a movie some night. I feel like I'm always the one doing it.
:'''Janel''': Well, you're doing good so far. What was that one you showed me about the taxi driver?
:'''Mercer''': ''[[w:Taxi Driver|Taxi Driver]]''.
:'''Janel''': Yeah, what was that called?
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, it was... it was called ''Taxi Driver''.
:'''Janel''': Oh, right. Yeah. ''[laughs]'' I liked that one.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Teleya''': If I was not going to kill you, I would give you some advice.
:'''Mercer''': Please. Love to hear it.
:'''Teleya''': You are painfully attentive. The failure of your marriage has caused you to overcompensate in the moment. And yet, paradoxically, despite this, your work remains your first priority. You have no balance.
:'''Mercer''': My God, you sound like my ex-wife.
:'''Teleya''': You feel entitled to educate others, but your own worldview is self-defeatingly narrow.
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, well, at least I know who [[Billy Joel]] is.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Okay. I can see I'm an open book, whether I want to be or not. I guess lately I've been feeling... bored with myself. Like, is this all I am -- a guy who drives ships from one place to another? And if I'm not enough for myself, what if that means... I'm not enough for other people?
:'''Kelly''': I hope you know that's not true. Look, just be sure you're doing this (''command training'') for the right reasons. When you're in command, the last person you think about is yourself. Make sense?
:''[Gordon nods.]''
:'''Kelly''': And by the way, if your goal is to prove how charming and awesome you are, as far as I'm concerned, you've already passed that test with flying colors.
:'''Gordon''': Thanks, Commander.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Look, from what we've seen, when planets first achieve space travel, and they venture out into the galaxy and discover that they're just one single species among a vast diversity of life-forms, they usually react in one of two ways. They embrace and adapt to the fact that they're no longer the center of the universe, or they ratchet up their xenophobia. Now, from what I've learned of your history, the Krill were a lot less fanatical before you left your home world.
:'''Teleya''': You know nothing of our history.
:'''Mercer''': I know fear when I see it. You're afraid to accept the fact that your superiority may just be a comforting myth.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Teleya''': If you believe releasing me will somehow improve relations between our people, you are indulging another fantasy.
:'''Mercer''': Defect of my species. We never give up hope.

===''All the World Is Birthday Cake'' [2.05]===
:'''Satellite technician''': Alignment complete. Transmitters at full power. Now all we need is something to say.
:'''Prefect''': Let's keep it simple. &quot;Is anyone out there?&quot;

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[having his initial interview with new security chief Talla Keyali]'' So, I know what I read in the initial report, but I wanted to hear your version. It says you punched your last captain in the face?
:'''Talla Keyali''': I did, sir.
:'''Mercer''': Knocked him out.
:'''Talla''': Out cold, yeah.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Bortus has declined having a joint birthday party with Kelly's.]''
:'''Kelly''': Why not?
:'''Bortus''': I prefer my birthday to be ''my'' day.
:'''Gordon''': He's afraid he's gonna get less stuff.
:'''Bortus''': I am not afraid.
:'''Gordon''': And he's right. Joint birthday, less stuff for everybody. It's a trap, Bortus.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer and Talla are trying to negotiate with the Prefect, a firm believer in astrology, for the release of Kelly and Bortus.]''
:'''Prefect''': Why are you defending them? You ''live'' among the stars. You should understand their significance better than anyone.
:'''Talla''': We actually have this crazy system where we judge people by their actions, not their birthdates. It's kinda wacky, I know.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': Captain, I have what might be an uncomfortable question. What's gonna happen when the Regorians figure out the star is fake?
:'''Mercer''': That's actually a really good question. We just lied to an entire planet, and I don't know what the ethics of that mean. But that lie meant freedom for an entire portion of the population, so... the short answer is I don't know. 
:'''Kelly''': By the time their technology advances to the point where they know the jig is up, they may not even care anymore.

===''A Happy Refrain'' [2.06]===
:''[Mercer speaking to Gordon privately regarding Bortus' mustache]''
:'''Mercer''': Hey, um, you remember that conversation we had about ''selectivity'' with what you say to Bortus?
:'''Gordon''': Yeah.
:''[Mercer gives Gordon a look.]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[realizing]'' Oh. ''This'' would've been --
:'''Mercer''': This would've been one of those things, yeah.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': I just think, if it had a little more kick when I hit the gas, it would feel better, you know? 
:'''LaMarr''': You understand this isn't a [[w:Porsche|Porsche]], right? This is a quantum drive engine that makes a thousand trillion independent calculations every millisecond.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I know that. I-I just like to feel a certain level of responsiveness when I'm driving.
:'''LaMarr''': Oh, okay. You want power steering, too? Maybe an air freshener shaped like a little tree?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The bridge crew is asking Isaac about his date with Claire.]''
:'''Talla''': Did you have fun? Were there sparks?
:'''Isaac''': Sparks?
:'''Talla''': Yeah.
:'''Isaac''': Negative. There was no equipment malfunction.
:'''Mercer''': Well, you don't have to brag about it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': There is one part of the relationship experience that you haven't yet tackled.
:'''Isaac''': Please elaborate.
:'''Mercer''': You screwed up, and now you have to win back the girl.
:'''Isaac''': Dr. Finn has made her wishes clear.
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, well, Dr. Finn is also the wisest person on board this ship. She knows how new this is to you. If she sees you making a real effort, then who knows? She just might be understanding.
:'''Isaac''': I have no experience in such matters.
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, well, there's no rule book for this one. You just have to take everything you know about her, every bit of data, and do something you've never done.
:'''Isaac''': What is that?
:'''Mercer''': Be creative.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': We are, without a doubt, the ''weirdest'' ship in the fleet.

===''Deflectors'' [2.07]===
:'''Gordon''': When Moclans break up, is there, like, all that stabbing, like with the divorce?
:'''Bortus''': No. Each Moclan extracts a tooth and leaves it with his former mate.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah. I knew it had to be something like that.
:'''Mercer''': Do you still have the tooth?
:'''Bortus''': No. It is given to the next mate.
:'''Gordon''': Let me guess. He ''eats'' it.
:'''Bortus''': That is correct.
:'''Gordon''': ''Yes!'' Man, I'm gettin' so good at this.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': You know, there's something seriously wrong with all of us when the most stable relationship on the ''Orville'' is Isaac's.
:'''LaMarr''': Yeah, man, what's your secret?
:'''Isaac''': Dr. Finn has cautioned me against speaking too openly about our coupling.
:'''Talla''': Did something happen?
:'''Gordon''': Oh, yeah. He was going around the ship asking everybody what sexual positions are most pleasurable to biological lifeforms.
:'''Isaac''': I was merely attempting to provide Dr. Finn with the most dutifully calibrated coital experience.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, no, that's what women want: dutiful coitus.
:'''LaMarr''': Hey. I'm trying to eat here.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': The galaxy is full of so many unhappy people. Why ignore something good?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': I mean, this has to be the most insane thing that's ever happened on this ship.
:'''LaMarr''': Well, one time, I almost died 'cause I humped a statue.
:'''Gordon''': Isaac once cut my leg off.
:'''LaMarr''': And the captain and commander, they got put in a zoo.
:'''Gordon''': And Bortus almost crashed the ship 'cause of porn.
:'''Talla''': I see.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Klyden''': If you had not done your job, I would have gone to prison. I owe you a debt.
:'''Talla''': You want to repay me, here's how. When you see me in the corridor, walk the other way.
:'''Klyden''': I do not understand.
:'''Talla''': Locar didn't hurt you. He didn't hurt anyone. All he wanted was love. And yet, because of you, his life is over, for no reason except your own prejudice. ''[getting emotional]'' So as far as I'm concerned, you can go straight to [[Hell]].

===''Identity, part 1'' [2.08]===
:''[Mercer is asking permission to take a disabled Isaac back to his home world.]''
:'''Mercer''': Look, sir, Isaac is a member of my crew. We all care about him. And right now, the only people who can help him are on Kaylon.
:'''Admiral Halsey''': And you're sure there's nothing you can do for him on the ''Orville''?
:'''Mercer''': Picture your mom trying to hook up a stereo.
:'''Admiral Halsey''': ''[realizing]'' I understand.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''': ''[softly, to an inert, deactivated Isaac]'' I love you. Please, don't go.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': ''[to Ty and Marcus]'' Remember to consume your daily required nutrients and obey your mother's commands. I fully expect that you will both mature into competent and productive adults.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kaylon #1''': You oscillate between periods of enlightenment and tyranny. Can you prove this cycle has been broken?
:'''Mercer''': Well, the Union itself is all the proof you need. We are over three hundred planetary governments working together to ensure that no single world imposes its will upon another. We treat each other as equals.
:'''Kaylon #2''': And was the Kaylon emissary treated as an equal aboard your ship?
:'''Mercer''': Isaac? Of course.
:'''Kaylon #2''': Then perhaps you can explain the abuse inflicted by your crew.
:'''Kelly''': Abuse?
:'''Kaylon #2''': According to his reports, Isaac was repeatedly demeaned and degraded. In one case, his cranial shell was disfigured by prosthetic appendages.
:'''Kaylon #1''': &quot;[[w:Mr. Potato Head|Mr. Potato Head]]&quot;.
:'''Mercer''': He... told you about that, huh?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Isaac is encouraged to give a speech at his farewell party.]''
:'''Isaac''': I do not know any speeches.
:'''Mercer''': ''[good-naturedly]'' You're a walking database. Search your files.
:''[Isaac consults his files and walks up in front of the crew.]''
:'''Isaac''': [[Sally Field|I want to say &quot;Thank You&quot; to you all. I wanted more than anything to have your respect. And I can't deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me.]]

===''Identity, part 2'' [2.09]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[arriving late to a strategy session in the cargo bay]'' Sorry, I was in the pee corner.
:'''Kelly''': The what?
:'''Gordon''': Oh. Well, there's no place to go to the bathroom down here, so we all agreed on one corner. Yeah, no, trust me, you don't want to go over there unless you have to.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kaylon Primary''': You will now terminate the human (''Ty''). If you do not comply, you will be deactivated.
:'''Isaac''': Very well.
:''[Isaac approaches, then 'kills' Primary by tearing his head from his body. Isaac then shoots the Kaylon guards.]''
:'''Isaac''': Deactivation complete.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[A Krill fleet has arrived and successfully engaged the Kaylon ships.]''
:'''Kelly''': ''[on the viewscreen]'' Captain Mercer, meet Captain Dalak.
:'''Mercer''': It's good to meet you, Captain. We owe you one.
:'''Dalak''': Try to stay out of our way.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Captain, it seems we have a common enemy. I hope that means we can work toward finding a common ground.
:'''Dalak''': Avis united our paths for a reason. But only He truly knows why. We shall see where that path leads.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': My actions have eliminated the possibility of returning to my planet. And the actions of the Kaylon have eliminated my wish to do so. I have no home.
:'''Claire''': Lots of people say that home is wherever you make it.
:'''Isaac''': A human cliche.
:'''Claire''': Cliches become cliched precisely because they're valid enough to bear endless repetition. 
:''[Claire goes to stand beside Isaac.]''
:'''Claire''': I understand you're alone in the universe. And, for a time, that's something you'll have to live with. There's an old human custom called 'forgiveness'. It, too, takes time. But it must have a beginning. ''[regards Isaac]'' Good night, Isaac. ''[leaves]''

===''Blood of Patriots'' [2.10]===
:'''Orrin''': Losing (''my wife'') was the worst thing that ever happened to me. You know what scared me the most? It was the knowledge that someday, years down the line, there would come a time when her absence would feel like the norm, when I would resign myself to her loss, and my life -- the life that I accepted as real-- would be the one without her in it. And now that ''is'' my reality.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Look, Gordon, I'm just trying to do the right thing.
:'''Gordon''': The right thing is to protect him (''Orrin''). He's a Union officer. Do your job.
:'''Mercer''': ''[in all seriousness]'' I'll let you know when I figure out what that is.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Leyna is holding a knife to Talla's throat.]''
:'''Talla''': You ever met a Xelayan before?
:'''Leyna''': ''[scoffs]'' No.
:''[Talla uses her superhuman strength to throw Leyna across the room and into the wall, hard]''
:'''Talla''': You have, now.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer and the Krill ambassador have just signed a preliminary peace agreement between the Union and the Krill.]''
:'''Mercer''': I hope that this marks the beginning of a new era of nonviolence between our two peoples.
:'''Krill ambassador''': We will see. A peace is only as strong as those who uphold it.
:'''Kelly''': And, of course, trust is earned.
:'''Krill ambassador''': We agree on ''that'', Commander.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': I count on you, man.
:'''Gordon''': Dude, you can always count on me. That's never gonna change. You're my best friend. Nobody's ever gonna come along and mess it up, I swear. I mean, maybe, like, a really hot girl, but other than that, it's rock-solid.
:'''Mercer''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks.

===''Lasting Impressions'' [2.11]===
:'''Laura''': ''[video message on her phone to the future]'' Okay. Hey, what's up, future people? Hi. I'm Laura Huggins, and if you're seeing this, you found my phone. So, I'm from [[w:Saratoga Springs, New York|Saratoga Springs, New York]], and some people in my town had this idea to make a time capsule, and I thought this was a really cool thing to do and I was trying to think of what I could put in there that would show the future something about who I am, and since I just got the new [[w:iPhone |iPhone]], I thought instead of sticking my old one in a drawer somewhere, I'd put it in the capsule. So, here I am. Here ''you'' are. And since I'm probably long dead by now, you can read all my texts and e-mails and look at all my pictures and decide whether you think I was, I dunno, cool or a bitch or whatever. Anyway, I ''hope'' you guys have, like, flying cars or something by now, and if you do, I'm super jealous, and I'm really sorry I'm not there to hang with you guys. Um, but, hey, have fun getting to know who I ''was''.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Dr. Sherman''': ''[regarding a text message on Laura's phone]'' Look at this. She's clearly asking her friend where to find the nearest repair service for her device. But instead of writing &quot;Wireless Telecommunications Facility&quot;, she just writes &quot;WTF&quot;.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Bortus and Klyden are trying cigarettes for the first time.]''
:'''Klyden''': The sensation is... wonderful.
:'''Bortus''': I have never experienced such a flavor.
:'''Klyden''': I feel as if I have been standing my entire life and I just sat down.
:''[They continue smoking.]''
:'''Klyden''': The ''tingles!'' Do you feel them?
:'''Bortus''': I do.
:'''Klyden''': We must have more.
:'''Bortus''': ''[to the synthesizer]'' Five hundred cigarettes. ''[The synthesizer complies.]''

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': No, seriously, I think if the right person heard you (''sing''), you'd be a huge success.
:'''Laura''': But I don't even have to be a ''huge'' success. I just want to be rich enough to be unhappy, but not enough to be miserable.
:'''Gordon''': Fair enough.
:'''Laura''': No, more important than that, I just think it would be nice to be remembered for something. You know? I mean, we all live and die on this planet, and most of us are just forgotten. To me, there's nothing sadder about the world than that.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': God, I'm gonna miss her. So much.
:'''Kelly''': People have been living and dying for as long as humans have existed. Most are forgotten. But not this one. She reached across four centuries and got a guy to fall in love. We should all be so rare.

===''Sanctuary'' [2.12]===
:''[Admiral Halsey relates that, in addition to a weapons upgrade, the'' Orville ''is to transport a Moclan engineer to another vessel.]''
:'''Mercer''': Sir, with all due respect, we're starting to feel like a taxi cab here.
:'''Halsey''': I know. But it's the ''least'' we can do in exchange for bigger guns.
:'''Mercer''': All right.
:'''Halsey''': Have fun. Halsey out. ''[ends transmission]''
:'''Kelly''': I'll go start the meter.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Heveena''': It was always inevitable that fate would beckon us from the shadows. &quot;[[w:Mahatma Ghandi|Every revolution begins with a single act of defiance]].&quot;
:'''Kelly''': One of yours?
:'''Heveena''': Actually, I don't know who said it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Heveena listens to the opening lines to the song'' &quot;[[w:9 to 5 (Dolly Parton song)|9 to 5]]&quot; ''and is greatly moved.]''
:'''Heveena''': Who is she?
:'''Mercer''': That's, uh, [[w:Dolly Parton|Dolly Parton]].
:''[Heveena continues listening to the song.]''
:'''Heveena''': ''[awed]'' She speaks with the might of a hundred soldiers.
:'''Mercer''': ''[a little bemused]'' Yeah. Yeah, I guess she does.
:'''Heveena''': This is the voice of our revolution.
:'''Mercer''': Well, you know, there's actually a whole bunch of stuff--
:'''Heveena''': ''No!'' It is she.
:'''Mercer''': Okay, then. Go, Dolly.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[to the assembled admirals]'' Look, I understand what's at stake. I'm just saying that if we're not willing to stand up for the values that this Union was founded on... what exactly are we defending?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Heveena''': But just as we took that bold first step, in time, others like us ''will'' take a second one. The revolution has begun. We will rise, one small victory at a time.
:'''Kelly''': I believe you will.
:'''Heveena''': Captain. Do you suppose Dolly Parton would be proud of us?
:'''Mercer''': ''[smiling broadly]'' Oh, yeah.

===''Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow'' [2.13]===
:''[Mercer, Kelly, Gordon and Talla are sharing drinks and talking.]''
:'''Talla''': Okay, wait, I want to hear the rest of this story.
:'''Gordon''': Okay, okay, so let me finish. So we're all at this reception at Admiral Halsey's house, and Philippa Jones is there.
:'''Talla''': The novelist.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, right. So Kelly just spent two hours pouring scotch down Ed's throat--
:'''Kelly''': ''[in good humor]'' Okay, you're demoted.
:'''Gordon''': --and we're leaving, and Philippa walks up and says, &quot;It was nice meeting you&quot;, and Ed goes, ''[slurred voice]'' &quot;Good night, Fallopia.&quot; ''[Talla laughs]'' He called her Fallopia.
:'''Mercer''': They heard you the first time, thanks. ''[Everyone laughs]''

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': Just for the record, the dysonium field condenser analysis is something a first-year cadet could do. Why's it always gotta be ''me''?
:'''Kelly''': We all just sleep better at night knowing it gets your personal tender-loving care.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[walking out]'' Well, just pop a sleeping pill.
:'''Kelly''': I'll try that, too.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': I don't know how the food synthesizers are gonna replicate enough wine for two Kellys.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Past Kelly''': ''[to Kelly]'' You're not married. You're not a captain. You &quot;maintain a distance&quot; from your crew. There were three things I wanted in life, and you haven't come close on one. You've made my future a disappointment.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Past Mercer''': Hey.
:'''Past Kelly''': Hi.
:'''Past Mercer''': I hope I'm not calling too early. Did I wake you up?
:'''Past Kelly''': No, no, I was, um... ''[looks around]''
:'''Past Mercer''': You okay?
:'''Past Kelly''': Yeah. I... What's up?
:'''Past Mercer''': Well, um... I know this goes completely against the cool guy playbook, but I had a really great time with you last night, and... I was wondering if I could take you out again.
:'''Past Kelly''': I just, um... I just don't see us working out. I'm sorry. ''[hangs up]''

===''The Road Not Taken'' [2.14]===
:''[The alternate Mercer and Gordon's shuttle is being tractor-beamed into a Scavenger ship.]''
:'''Gordon''': What do we do?
:'''Mercer''': ''[handing Gordon a gun]'' We fight. I'm not gonna let our last meal be a [[w:Twinkie|Twinkie]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': In the other timeline, we got married. Long story short, I had an affair, we got divorced. Out of guilt, I helped get you command of the ''Orville''. And because you were captain, the Kaylon were defeated.
:'''Mercer''': Because ''I'' was captain?
:'''Kelly''': Yes.
:'''Mercer''': ''I'' stopped the Kaylon?
:'''Kelly''': Right.
:'''Mercer''': I had to swim with my shirt on until I was twenty.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The derelict ''Orville'''s bridge doors are jammed closed.]''
:'''Mercer''': Talla, you want to open this jar of pickles?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Am I a terrible person, that... part of me wants this timeline to continue?
:'''Mercer''': ''[sighs]'' You're asking the wrong guy.
:'''Kelly''': In the middle of this nightmare universe, I've felt this weird sense of comfort... being with you.
:'''Mercer''': Well, maybe we'll fail (''to restore the timeline''). Have to go find someplace to live in secret.
:'''Kelly''': Some nice little house on a deserted planet. We could have a couple of kids. Boy and a girl. 
:'''Mercer''': We'd have to learn how to farm, how to cook.
:'''Kelly''': Look at the sunset every night.
:'''Mercer''': Look at you every morning. ''[They kiss.]'' You know, Gordon's probably gonna have to live with us.
:'''Kelly''': Shut up, you're ruining it. ''[They share a longer kiss.]''

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Past Mercer''': Hey.
:'''Past Kelly''': Hey.
:'''Past Mercer''': I hope I'm not calling too early. Did I wake you up?
:'''Past Kelly''': No. I was already awake. What's going on?
:'''Past Mercer''': Well, um... I know this goes completely against the cool guy playbook, but I had a really great time with you last night, and... I was wondering if I could take you out again.
:'''Past Kelly''': I'd love it.

== New Horizons ==
===''Electric Sheep'' {3.1]===
&lt;center&gt;
'''''Opening credits tribute''': &quot;In Memory of [[w:Norm Macdonald|Norm Macdonald]] 1959 - 2021&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;


:'''Charly Burke''': ''[to Isaac, talking about her best friend who was killed in the Kaylon battle]'' One second, she was there... and the next, she was gone. Along with three hundred other people. Because of you. So you see, it really is a shame that you can't feel anything. Because you deserve to feel all the pain in the universe. And if I were you, I'd stay the hell out of the mess hall. It makes people sick to look at you.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': I hope (''LaMarr'')'s taken at least one night off in the last three weeks. Gordon, why don't you take him out tonight, get him wasted?
:'''Gordon''': ''[mock-serious]'' Is that an order, sir?
:'''Kelly''': It is.
:'''Gordon''': I enjoy this job, sir.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': You've been getting harassed by the crew and you haven't said anything?
:'''Isaac''': I would remind you, Commander, that I am incapable of being hurt by such hostile interactions. In fact, it has provided me with an opportunity to observe an intriguing facet of human comportment I have not previously encountered.
:'''Mercer''': Hatred.
:'''Isaac''': Correct, sir. The behavioral data has been quite plentiful.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Ed has a philosophy that the only way to recover from lost love is to stay away from places where you've been happy.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[giving Isaac's eulogy]'' I know that Isaac was not loved by all. As a result of the choices he made in life, he leaves behind a troublesome legacy. From the very start, like a tree whose branches are equaled in scope by its roots -- half visible, half hidden -- Isaac was part mystery. He worked with us, he explored with us, he celebrated alongside us in victory, and he grieved alongside us in failure. And while Isaac never felt any of this on his own, we felt it for him. He was as passionate or as stoic as we willed him to be in our minds. And for that reason, I suppose each of us knew a different Isaac. And each of us will acknowledge this loss as we see fit. There's no wrong way to say goodbye.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[upon completing the ship's upgrade]''
:'''LaMarr''': Boom. That's it. Nice job, everyone.
:'''Yaphit''': ''And'' in two-thirds of the time. We should all get big bonuses.
:'''LaMarr''': Check's in the mail.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''': Do you accept my status as primary authority when it comes to the psychological well-being of this crew?
:'''Isaac''': Yes.
:'''Claire''': And do you acknowledge, when it comes to human behavior, that my judgement as a medical professional is superior to yours?
:'''Isaac''': Yes.
:'''Claire''': Then it is only logical for you to accept my assertion that the psychological damage to this crew would be much greater if you ''succeeded'' in taking your own life.
:'''Isaac''': Your reasoning is sound. 
:'''Claire''': Isaac, you arrived at your decision based on your analysis of all currently available data. But what you didn't take into account was the possibility of change. You don't know how this crew is going to feel a year or even a month from now. 
:'''Isaac''': I did not apply that data, as it is unavailable at this time.
:'''Claire''':  That's my point! People who try to take their own lives are unable to distinguish the future from the present. There is ''no'' problem so immense that it can't be solved in time.

===''Shadow Realms'' {3.2]===
:'''Claire''':  Well, you look healthy. Time's been good to you.
:'''Vice Admiral Paul Christie''': Maybe on the outside. But you know what they say: Unmarried men look younger, feel older.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''':  You know, there's a line from a very old book I once read: &quot;[[w:Irwin Shaw|It is only with greatest care that memory can be kept from becoming a prison or a gallows.]]&quot;

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Admiral Christie''': Consul, Ambassador. We wish you safe travels, and we want to thank you again for your generosity. I know I speak for the entire Union when I say that there is no greater gift than the promise of new knowledge.
:'''Krill Consul''': ''Sala tallo ka vaspa ko loy.''
:'''Talla''': What does that mean?
:'''Krill Consul''': It is a prayer. For those who are about to die.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[addressing the crew with an impromptu &quot;pep talk&quot;]'' All hands, this is the Captain. We're about to enter unexplored space. I know you're all just as excited as I am, and I know you're all going to do your best, so... let's give this everything we got, and... [[w:Star Wars (film)|may the Force be with you]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[discussing Claire]''
:'''Admiral Christie''': I've heard from a few folks on board that you two were... involved.
:'''Isaac''': That is accurate.
:'''Admiral Christie''': Well, you know, I was with Claire, too, a long time ago.
:'''Isaac''': Then we share a common experience.
:'''Admiral Christie''': After all this time, she's moved on, but I'm afraid that I haven't. I hope you don't mind me telling you this.
:'''Isaac''': No, sir. I have observed many such paradoxes in human relationships.
:--
:'''Isaac''': Am I to understand that you find it a challenge to process her daily absence? 
:'''Admiral Christie''': Yes, you could say that.
:'''Isaac''': It is another common experience we share.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Isaac. Analysis of that star cluster.
:'''Isaac''': An [[w:Stellar kinematics#OB associations|OB association]], approximately two million years old. 78 blue giant stars, along with several dozen F, G and K stars in later stages of evolution.
:'''Charly''': Reminds me of [[w:Las Vegas|Vegas]].
:'''Admiral Christie''': Any life signs?
:'''Isaac''': I am detecting 347 inhabitable planets, but so far, no indications of intelligent life.
:'''Gordon''': Wow. It really ''is'' Vegas.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[devising a plan against the alien creatures]''
:'''Claire''': I could create a synthetic virus. It wouldn't have to be any stronger than the common cold, and it'd probably be fatal to them. We could disperse it in aerosolized form throughout the ship. They'd have no immunity.
:'''Bortus''': What about us?
:'''Claire''': You might get the sniffles.
:'''Bortus''': I am prepared.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': I... wish to offer my condolences on the loss of your friend.
:'''Claire''': Well, that's very kind of you. Paul was a special person. I'm just glad I got to see him one last time.
:'''Isaac''': He spoke favorably of you as well.
:'''Claire''': You... talked about me? With Paul?
:'''Isaac''': Our shared history of social and sexual intimacy with you provided a common frame of reference.
:'''Claire''': ''[laughs]'' Do you know, I have missed you.
:'''Isaac''': Thank you, Doctor.

===''Mortality Paradox'' {3.3]===
:'''Kelly''': How are your mom and dad?
:'''Talla''': My mom's good. My dad's also good. He's his usual self.
:'''Kelly''': Work hard, play hard?
:'''Talla''': I think the Fleet's the only thing keeping him from pursuing a full-time career as an alcoholic. But if the uniform's on, we can handle it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': ''[offering a box of chocolate]'' Bortus, you want one?
:'''Bortus''': No thank you. I am dieting.
:'''Talla''': Since when?
:'''Bortus''': My shore leave is in thirty days. Klyden and I are visiting the Belajok Sea on Moclus. Lieutenant Malloy has advised me to get my... &quot;summer body&quot;.
:'''Gordon''': You'll thank me. Klyden'll thank me, too.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': What is this place?
:'''Gordon''': ''[disconcerted]'' An old Earth high school in the middle of the forest on an alien planet. Completely normal. How's ''your'' day going?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[inside a Moclan morgue]''
:'''Gordon''': Why do you... hang them like this?
:'''Bortus''': We honor the dead by raising them for a period of nine days. Traditionally, it is to allow them to resolve any unfinished affairs on Moclus before moving onward.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, that's considerate.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Ed. You should stay here. I'll go.
:'''Mercer''': If there's possibility--
:'''Kelly''': That's a nasty head injury, whether you want to admit it or not. You could have a concussion for all we know. If we encounter anything hostile over there, I don't want you putting yourself at further risk.
:'''Mercer''': Is that an ''order'', Commander?
:'''Kelly''': Yes, it is.
:'''Mercer''': All right. ''[trades places with Kelly]'' Be careful. That's also an order.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Dinal''': [[w:Evolution|Evolution]] is blind and drunk. It stumbles along by trial and error and emerges with a barely adequate excuse for a being. ''[to Gordon]'' No offense.
:'''Gordon''': None taken.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Dinal''': You outgrew your gods and your nations, as we did. You left your training wheels behind, and you made it to the stars. Your next hurdles are really no different. You simply must outgrow self. These abstractions that you inhabit for now: Captain, Explorer, Husband,... Man... they are irrelevant when you become one with the cosmos. And when you do, sculpting a universe will be as simple as blinking an eye.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': You'd live forever if you could?
:'''Mercer''': Yup.
:'''Gordon''': Why?
:'''Mercer''': I want to see what happens.

===''Gently Falling Rain'' [3.4]===
&lt;center&gt;
'''''Opening credits tribute''': &quot;In Memory of [[w:Lisa Banes|Lisa Banes]] 1955 - 2021&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;


:'''Union President Alcazar''': Did you enjoy your evening on [[w:Broadway theatre|Broadway]], Chancellor?
:'''Chancellor Korin''': Indeed. However, the repeated prophecy of [[w:Annie (musical)|the orphan child]] was quite haunting. &quot;[[w:Tomorrow (Annie)|The ''sun'' will come out... tomorrow.]]&quot;
:'''Krill Aide''': In our culture, the sun is a symbol of suffering and death.
:'''Admiral Halsey''': Yes, in retrospect, ''[[w:Oklahoma!|Oklahoma!]]'' might've been a better choice.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;

===''A Tale of Two Topas'' [3.5]===
:'''Bortus''': It occurs to me that in all the time we have been together, I have never once known you to be uncertain. Of anything. Tell me, what is it like to be so wise?
:'''Klyden''': You are mocking me.
:'''Bortus''': ''You'' invite it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Klyden''': Bortus, I would give anything to be ignorant of my beginnings. Topa may never be happy, but unhappiness is better than despair.

===''Twice in a Lifetime'' [3.6]===

===''From Unknown Graves'' [3.7]===

===''Midnight Blue'' [3.8]===

===''Domino'' [3.9]===

===''Future Unknown'' [3.10]===

== Main Cast ==
* [[w:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]] as Capt. Ed Mercer
* [[w:Adrianne Palicki|Adrianne Palicki]] as Cmdr. Kelly Grayson
* [[w:Penny Johnson Jerald|Penny Johnson Jerald]] as Dr. Claire Finn
* [[w:Scott Grimes|Scott Grimes]] as Lt. Gordon Malloy
* [[w:Peter Macon|Peter Macon]] as Lt. Cmdr. Bortus
* [[w:J. Lee|J. Lee]] as Lt. (later Lt. Cmdr.) John LaMarr
* [[w:Mark Jackson (actor)|Mark Jackson]] as Isaac
* [[w:Halston Sage|Halston Sage]] as Lt. Alara Kitan (Season 1; Season 2, episodes 1-3, guest appearance in episode 14)
* [[w:Jessica Szohr|Jessica Szohr]] as Lt. Talla Keyali (Season 2, episode 5 onward)

[[Category:FOX shows]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146083</id>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:36:26Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ooznoz</username>
        <id>2443114</id>
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      <comment>/* New Horizons */</comment>
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      <text bytes="67853" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''The Orville''''' is a [[w:Science fiction|science fiction]] [[w:Comedy-drama|comedy-drama]] television series created by and starring [[Seth MacFarlane]] for the [[w:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox Broadcasting Company]]. The series relates the adventures of Captain Ed Mercer, his first officer (and ex-wife) Kelly Grayson, and the crew of the ''Orville'' as they embark on various diplomatic and exploratory missions.

==Season 1==
===''Old Wounds'' [1.01]===
:''[Mercer and Gordon see the'' Orville ''for the first time from the window of their shuttle.]''
:'''Ed Mercer''': It's not bad, right?
:'''Gordon Malloy''': No, it's good. You paint some flames on the side, maybe like a rainbow unicorn, you got something.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': All right, Lieutenant Commander Bortus, our second officer. You know, I've never met a single-gender species before. Your entire species is male, isn't it?
:'''Bortus''': That is correct, sir.
:'''Mercer''': So, there's probably not a lot of arguments about leaving the toilet seat up and that kind of thing, right?
:'''Bortus''': ''[deadpan tone]'' No. Moclans urinate only once per year.
:'''Mercer''': Really? That's... Me, I'm-I'm up two, three times a night.
:'''Bortus''': ''[deadpan]'' That is unfortunate.
:'''Mercer''': ''[chagrined]'' It is.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''John LaMarr''': Figured I'd introduce myself since we're gonna be working full shifts together.
:'''Gordon''': ''[in good humor]'' Translation: You want to make sure I'm not a jerk.
:'''LaMarr''': Something like that.
:'''Gordon''': ''[facetiously]'' Dude, I'm such a jerk, it's ridiculous.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[also facetious]'' Okay, well, so am I, so this is gonna work out great.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The'' Orville ''officers witness a demonstration of a quantum-time accelerator, which rapidly ages a banana.]''
:'''Mercer''': ''[unimpressed]'' So, it's an anti-banana ray.
:'''Kelly Grayson''': ''[also unimpressed]'' It's really interesting.
:'''Mercer''': We need no longer fear the banana.
:'''Kelly''': Does it work on all fruit?
:'''Mercer''': What about salads?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Door's jammed. Alara. You want to open this jar of pickles for me? (''a line which will be a running gag throughout Season one'')
:''[Using her superhuman strength, security chief Alara Kitan knocks down the huge door and parts of the surrounding wall.]''
:'''Mercer''': I loosened it for you.

===''Command Performance'' [1.02]===
:'''Bortus''': ''[noticing the stuffed animal on Mercer's desk]'' What is that?
:'''Mercer''': That is, uh, [[w:Kermit the Frog|Kermit the Frog]].
:'''Bortus''': I do not recognize the species.
:'''Mercer''': It's an amphibious life-form from Earth. 
:'''Bortus''': Is it someone you know?
:'''Mercer''': No, no, he's just a leader I admire. Always keeps his cool in a crisis, inspires greatness in his people. He's... so what can I do for you?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Alara Kitan''': Eggs?
:'''Mercer''': That's what he said. Moclans reproduce by laying eggs, which I never knew.
:'''John LaMarr''': Well, where does it come out of? The butt?
:'''Mercer''': You know, John, I didn't really pry into those kinds of specifics.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[to Gordon]'' How's that not the first thing you ask?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': There is a matter I wish to discuss with you.
:'''Calivon zoo administrator''': If you're gonna try and sell me that Xelayan female, I've already got one.
:'''Isaac''': She is not for sale. She is...  my pet.
:'''Alara''': ''[snidely]'' Woof.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer and Kelly are about to be killed by criss-crossing lasers closing in on them.]''
:'''Mercer''': Oh, God. No, no, no. Uh, uh... ''I'm going to the bathroom to read!''
:''[The lasers abruptly stop.]''
:'''Kelly''': What the hell was that?
:'''Mercer''': It was... [[w:Elvis Presley|Elvis Presley's]] last words. It was all I could think of.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Calivon worker #1''': ''[[w:The Batchelor (American TV series)|The Batchelor]]''. ''[[w:Duck Dynasty|Duck Dynasty]]''. ''[[w:Keeping Up with the Kardashians|Keeping Up with the Kardashians]]''. 
:'''Calivon worker #2''': There must be ten thousand files here. What is this [[w:Reality television|reality television]]?
:'''Calivon zoo administrator''': The best exhibit we've ever had.

===''About a Girl'' [1.03]===
:'''Isaac''': Captain, I do not understand the reason for this conflict. Would the gender alteration procedure harm the infant or endanger her life?
:'''Kelly''': There are different kinds of harm, Isaac. Psychological harm, for one. I'd have been pretty pissed off if my parents had made the unilateral decision to make me a guy. 
:'''Mercer''': And while it might have saved me an entire marriage if they had, it still would have been wrong.
:'''Kelly''': ''[snippy]'' Oh, thanks.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Having just watched [[w:Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (TV special)|Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer]], Bortus has become very taken and inspired by it.]''
:'''Bortus''': Of ''course''. Without Rudolph's nose, Santa would not have been able to complete his voyage. 
:'''LaMarr''': Looks like Santa got pretty lucky, huh?
:'''Bortus''': Christmas would have been ruined had Rudolph had been euthanized at birth, as his father wished.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I don't... I don't know if ''that'' was ever on the table.
:'''Bortus''': What was ''clearly'' a deformity became a supreme advantage. One can never know.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': &quot;Between soul and sacrifice beats the heart of civilization.&quot;
:'''Kelly''': What's that from?
:'''Bortus''': It is from a novel by Gondus Elden, a Moclan writer of great esteem. It is customary to respond with a fitting passage from the literature of one's own planet.
:'''Kelly''': ... &quot;''[[w:Survivor (Destiny's Child song)|I'm a survivor. I'm not gon' give up. I'm not  gon' stop. I'm-a work harder.]]''&quot;
:'''Bortus''': Those are words of great power. Who wrote them?
:'''Mercer''': I think it was actually about fifteen different people.
:'''Bortus''': They must be very wise, these fifteen people.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Lieutenant Malloy, I'm gonna ask you a few questions that one might find on any basic test of adult knowledge. 
:'''Gordon''': Go for it.
:'''Kelly''': ''[low]'' These are gonna be kind of hard for you. Sorry.
:'''Gordon''': ''[low]'' It's okay, Commander. It's for the baby.
:'''Kelly''': Let's start off with some Earth history. A few hundred years ago, the continents of Earth were divided into separate nation states with individual sovereign governments. What was the capital of the United States of America?
:'''Gordon''': Um... pass.
:'''Kelly''': No, it's-it's not a 'pass' kind of thing. Just give me your closest guess. 
:'''Gordon''': What was the capital of the United States of America? [[w:Nabisco|Nabisco]]?
:'''Kelly''': No.
:'''Gordon''': The moon?
:'''Kelly''': Let's move on. What are the four chambers of the human heart?
:'''Gordon''': [[w:Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (film)|The chamber of secrets]], the chamber of horrors, the chamber of....
:'''Kelly''': No, no, let me get you halfway. There's the left and the right ventricle ant the left and the right...
:'''Gordon''': ... I would like to switch to movie trivia.
:'''Kelly''': Let's try one more. In the year 2056, which genetic engineer discovered how to target and eradicate individual cancer cells?
:'''Gordon''': Doctor... [[w:Bill Nye the Science Guy|Bill Nye the Cancer Guy]]?
:'''Kelly''': ''[to the tribunal]'' Well, my point is made. While this male may be the fleet's best pilot, he's also an idiot. (''low, to Gordon'') Sorry, Gordon.
:'''Gordon''': Totally okay.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Heveena''': &quot;The blackest abyss is a pock in the flesh when one has gazed in solitude upon the Infinity of self.&quot;
:'''Kagus''': You dare to use the words of Gondus Elden to serve your own purposes?! If he were here, he would ''spit'' on you for that!
:'''Heveena''': Would he? ''[approaches Kagus]'' Why don't you ask him?
:''[Murmurs come from the tribunal's audience.]''
:'''Kagus''': ''[stunned]'' No...
:'''Bortus''': I do not believe it.
:'''Kelly''': Well, look at that. Your planet's greatest writer... is a female.
:'''Heveena''': There are many ways to contribute to society, Advocate. This was mine.

===''If the Stars Should Appear'' [1.04]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[sighs]'' Star-mapping has got to be the most boring damn job there is. I'd rather have brunch with my parents.
:'''LaMarr''': Uh, I'd rather have brunch with my parents and their parents.
:'''Gordon''': I'd rather have brunch with my parents and their really good friends who they haven't seen in a while, who just got back from a vacation in Florida and took lots of pictures while visiting their daughter, who just had a brand new baby.
:'''LaMarr''': That just made me want to kill myself.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Kelly is being brutally interrogated by the worldship's theocratic dictator, Hamelac, and his Enforcers.]''
:'''Hamelac''': One more time. Who are you, and where are the others?
:'''Kelly''': I already told you, you stupid son-of-a-bitch. Our vessel encountered yours drifting in space, and we're trying to help you before you fall into that star and get your nuts burned off.
:'''Hamelac''': And I told you you're lying, because there is no such place. Again. Where are your friends?
:'''Kelly''': Well, last time I saw them, one of them was banging your mom, and the other one was high-fiving him.
:''[An Enforcer punches Kelly hard across the face.]''
:'''Hamelac''': Where... are... your... friends?
:'''Kelly''': ''[softly]'' Okay. I'll tell you. ''[speaking up]'' [[w:Friends|There's a little coffee shop on Lafayette Street in Soho called &quot;Central Perk.&quot; My friends are there.]] Just please... don't hurt [[w:Marcel (Friends)|the monkey]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Hamelac''': Is it possible that there's more to this universe than what we see. ''Yes'', it's possible!
:'''Dr. Claire Finn''': Then for God's sake, why don't you let us help you? We can try to repair your ship.
:'''Hamelac''': To do as you say would shatter our entire way of life. This world is not ready.
:'''Mercer''': No, you mean ''you're'' not ready to give up control over these people.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''': ''&quot;If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the City of God.&quot;''
:'''Mercer''': Is that [[Shakespeare]]?
:'''Claire''': [[Emerson]].
:'''Mercer''': William Byron Emerson, yes, yes.
:'''Claire''': Ralph Waldo.
:'''Mercer''': Ralph Waldo. Lord Ralph Waldo [[Keats]]... David [[Thoreau]], yes.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kemka''': Thank you. For everything.
:'''Kelly''': Don't thank us. We just gave you back what was already yours.
:'''Kemka''': Yes. Our future.

===''Pria'' [1.05]===
:'''Isaac''': ''[trying to understand humor]'' But to derive mirth from the pain of another being is sadism, is it not?
:'''Mercer''': I  mean, it's case by case. Like, if a guy on a bike tries to do a trick, and he smashes his balls, that's funny.
:'''Bortus''': I would agree.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Captain, respectfully submit that the attractiveness of the ship's occupant makes the rescue imperative.
:'''LaMarr''': ''I'' could do it.
:'''Isaac''': The star's gravity will cause the comet to break apart in seven minutes, 23 seconds.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[to Gordon]'' ''You'' could do it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': How many times have you done this (''forcibly taken ships and people into the future)?
:'''Pria''': When we get to my century, I'll introduce you to [[w:Amelia Earhart|Amelia Earhart]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Well, it's good to know teleportation is in our future.
:'''Pria''': You can take a breath in New York and exhale it in Paris.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': You know what the most depressing part about this is? I allowed myself to care about you, and you used me. And despite all of your claims that you still care about me, not once have you even said, &quot;I'm sorry.&quot;
:'''Pria''': It's a good rule in life never to apologize. The right kind of people never want apologies, and the wrong kind take advantage of them.
:'''Mercer''': Fair enough.

===''Krill'' [1.06]===
:'''Alara''': Apparently, having a girlfriend with ten times your physical strength makes a guy feel emasculated.
:'''LaMarr''': Wow, you're just gonna have to date Isaac here.
:'''Isaac''': I am fascinated by the interpersonal behavior of biological organisms. I would be happy to attempt sexual relations with you, Lieutenant.
:''[Everyone at the table falls into an embarrassed silence.]''
:'''Alara''': ''[strained]'' ... I'm actually just sort of working on myself right now. Um... (''clears her throat''), but thanks.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Captain Haros''': This chapel is a recreation of the one in which I worshiped as a child.
:'''Mercer/&quot;Chris&quot;''': Well, I guess it's true what they say: &quot;Rank has its privileges.&quot;
:'''Haros''': I have never heard that aphorism. Who says it?
:'''Mercer/&quot;Chris&quot;''': Oh. I... I guess it's me who says it.
:'''Haros''': it is a wise observation.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[at an evening meal]'' 
:'''Teleya''': Thank you, Avis, for this our sustenance, that it may provide strength and perseverance. ''[to the disguised Mercer and Ed]'' Would you like to say a blessing?
:'''Ed/&quot;Devon&quot;''': ''[bowing his head]'' Um... [[w:Avis Car Rental|Avis. We try harder.]]

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[during a classroom Q &amp; A]''
:'''Krill child''': Why doesn't the union believe in Avis?
:'''Ed/&quot;Devon&quot;''': Well, they worship their own god called [[w:The Hertz Corporation|Hertz]].
:'''Coja''': Do humans have souls?
:'''Teleya''': Of course not, Coja. 
:'''Coja''': Then how can they talk? Or make spaceships?
:'''Teleya''': A computer can talk. That does not mean it has a soul. Remember the ''Anhkana'' (''the Krill &quot;Bible&quot;''). &quot;Judge not a stranger by his sheath, but by his sword.&quot;

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[defending his killing of the Krill crew]'' Our mission was in the interest of peace. But your crew was going to murder a hundred thousand people. What the hell else could I have done?
:'''Teleya''': Why did you save the children?
:'''Mercer''': They're kids. With their whole lives ahead of them. They're not my enemies.
:'''Teleya''': After what they saw you do today,... they will be. ''They will be.''

===''Majority Rule'' [1.07]===
:''[Mercer sees the landing party dressed for an undercover mission in 21st century-style clothes.]'' 
:'''Mercer''': My God, you guys look  like unemployed backup dancers.
:'''Kelly''': ''You'' want to lead this landing party?
:'''Mercer''': No, I'm too shy to wear a [[w:Crop top|crop top]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': So (''your world'') is an absolute democracy? 
:'''Lysella''': Yeah. How does your world work?
:'''Mercer''': We select representatives who discuss issues and enact laws.
:'''Lysella''': But what about everybody else? Everybody deserves a voice. That's what we're taught.
:'''Bortus''': A voice should be earned, not given away.
:'''Mercer''': How do you know what foods are healthiest for your children, or what medicine to take if you're sick?
:'''Lysella''': We vote.
:'''Isaac''': I believe you are confusing opinion with knowledge.
:'''Alara''': I think what he's asking  is, with so many voices at once, how do you filter out the truth?
:'''Lysella''': Well, my dad always says, &quot;The majority ''are'' the truth.&quot; I mean, you always know what the majority wants. That's what matters.
:'''Mercer''': Well, you always know what the ''mob'' wants, too. And right now, the mob wants to lobotomize my navigator.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Isaac is flooding the planet's master opinion poll with false, albeit favorable, information about LaMarr to influence the Final Vote in his favor.]''
:'''Claire''': What if people try to corroborate all this information?
:'''Lysella''': Don't worry. They won't.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': ''[having narrowly escaped the planetary punishment]'' Real quick, I just want to say, ''all'' y'all can suck ass, and I'm a spaceman.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Lysella, thank you.
:'''Lysella''': No. Thank ''you'' for letting me see all of this. I just wish I could tell somebody.
:'''Claire''': Well, all you need to tell them is that their world can do better.

===''Into the Fold'' [1.08]===
:'''Isaac''': Dr. Finn. I look forward to joining you and your offspring on this recreational outing. It will give me an opportunity to observe human familial dynamics at close range.
:'''Claire''': Crap.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': Your commands have little to no effect on (''your children's'') behavior. Perhaps you should reevaluate your method of controlling them. ''[gets hit on the back of the head by a flying portable video game]''
:'''Claire''': Just what I need. Parenting tips from a talking hubcap.
:'''Isaac''': ''[slightly surprised]'' You harbor prejudice against artificial life-forms.
:'''Claire''': Only against life-forms that think they're better than everyone else.
:'''Isaac''': I ''am'' better than everyone else.
:'''Claire''': Oh, and so modest.
:'''Isaac''': It was not intended as a boast. Merely a statement of fact. My only directive is to study human behavior in the interest of relations between Kaylon and the Union.
:'''Claire''': You want to improve relations? Don't tell a mother how to raise her kids.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Barry Manilow's &quot;[[w:Somewhere Down the Road (Barry Manilow song)|Somewhere Down the Road]]&quot; plays in the engineering room while the crew does systems upgrades.]''
:'''LaMarr''': Hey, uh, Steve? You think we could change the music? Something less depressing?
:'''Chief Engineer Newton''': You got to get cultured, my friend. [[w:Barry Manilow|Barry Manilow]] was an underappreciated genius of his time.
:'''LaMarr''': Then how come I want to throw myself out the airlock?
:'''Yaphit''': I got to say, watching your corpse drift away to this music would be so peaceful.
:''[Mercer enters and hears the song.]'' 
:'''Mercer''': ''[sighing]'' Oh, God, Manilow was a genius.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Marcus''': Mom... I'm... I'm sorry that I didn't want to go on the trip. And I'm sorry I said you suck. I didn't mean it.
:'''Claire''': Marcus. Listen to me. People say things they don't mean when they're angry. You know how sometimes I yell at you and your brother if you something wrong? Well, you know I still love you with all my heart, right?
:'''Marcus''': Uh-huh.
:'''Claire''': And I know you love me right back. So it's all okay. You understand?
:'''Marcus''': Yeah.
:'''Claire''': I know you love your brother, too. So, right now, I want you to help Isaac take care of him. Do you understand?
:'''Marcus''': Yes, ma'am.
:'''Claire''': Good. I love you.
:'''Marcus''': I love you, too.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': May I make a final observation? Your children are unruly, disrespectful, volatile, and highly unpredictable. I am quite fond of them.
:'''Claire''': Welcome to the family.

===''Cupid's Dagger'' [1.09]===
:'''Mercer''': Did you hear what he said just now? He goes, he goes 'I am entitled to my feelings and the space to express them.' My God, thank you for lighting me on fire and then giving me ''permission'' to be in pain.

===''Firestorm'' [1.10]===
:'''Newton''': ''[delivering Lt. Harrison Payne's eulogy]'' Hey, guys. Thanks for coming. Harrison was a great guy. We met at camp the summer after eighth grade when he gave me the [[w:Heimlich maneuver|Heimlich maneuver]] after I accidentally swallowed a wine cork. Harrison and I went through a lot together. He was my best friend. And it's fitting that his last name was &quot;Payne&quot;, because he probably died in a lot of it. Which is exactly the kind of thing he would find funny, in case any one was planning to get mad at me. Anyway... Rest in  peace, Harrison. You were the best.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': It's a little short for a condolence letter.
:'''Mercer''': I know, I ''suck'' at these things. I don't want to make it sound too generic, but I hardly knew the man, so I-I just got nothing to go on.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, but look how you open it: &quot;Dear Mr. and Mrs. Payne, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Your son was such a neat guy.&quot; I mean, that's.. that's terrible.
:'''Mercer''': I'm not a writer, okay?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Wait, what if we all ''died'' in that plasma storm, and this is actually some kind of [[w:Purgatory|Purgatory]]. 
:'''LaMarr''': ''How'' would we know we were in Purgatory? What's Purgatory even like?
:'''Kelly''': You ever been married?
:'''LaMarr''': No.
:'''Mercer''': It's like that.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': This is gonna sound like I'm talking out of my ass.
:'''Isaac''': Then please try to enunciate.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Alara''': So, who's afraid of clowns?
:'''LaMarr''': That's me.
:'''Alara''': You really ''are'' afraid of clowns?
:'''LaMarr''': ''[getting nervous]'' Yes. ''Please'' stop saying the &quot;C&quot; word.
:'''Alara''': And the abyss?
:'''Claire''': Heights. My phobia.
:'''Alara''': What about the sickbay mess?
:'''Gordon''': That's me. Scared to death of surgery. I had a [[w:Skin tag|skin tag]] removed once, total panic attack.
:'''Mercer''': The spiders came from me. I'm a bit of an arachnophobe.
:'''Isaac''': Commander Grayson cited a fear of isolation, with which I conceived the empty ship.
:'''Alara''': That just leaves crazy psycho Isaac.
:'''Kelly''': You can thank Bortus for that one.
:'''Alara''': ''[regards Bortus, realizes]'' Fear of being conquered by a superior enemy.
:'''Bortus''': I am feeling very self-conscious. May I leave?
:'''Mercer''': Uh, sure. ''[Bortus leaves the room]''

===''New Dimensions'' [1.11]===
:'''Kelly''': Generally, when someone's as smart as you are, they make productive use of it.
:'''LaMarr''': Well, with all due respect, Commander, that's ''my'' business.
:'''Kelly''': Lieutenant, have you ever studied the history of money?
:'''LaMarr''': Not really. I know people used to use it to buy houses and sandwiches and stuff.
:'''Kelly''': Exactly. It became obsolete with the invention of matter synthesis. The predominant currency became reputation. 
:'''LaMarr''': Yeah, so?
:'''Kelly''': My point is, human ambition didn't vanish. The only thing that changed was how we quantify wealth. People still want to be rich, only now rich means being the best at what you do.
:'''LaMarr''': Not everybody wants that. Some people like to keep it simple. Some people want to go to work, go home, drink a beer and pass out.
:'''Kelly''': Are you one of those people?
:'''LaMarr''': I am very fond of drinking beer and passing out, yes.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Captain Blavaroch''': ''Grahj-kalooga''.
:'''Mercer''': Anybody speak Horbalak?
:'''Isaac''': The direct translation is, &quot;You can shove it up your--&quot;
:'''Mercer''': Okay, got it, got it.
:'''Isaac''': Do you wish to hear the rest of the translation?
:'''Mercer''': No, no, I-I get the gist.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': I think we could create a stable quantum bubble inside the shuttle, and preserve three-dimensional space.
:'''Claire''': So, the outside would be squashed, but the inside wouldn't.
:'''Mercer''': More space inside than out, just like [[w:The Doctor|Doctor Who]]'s [[w:TARDIS|phone booth]].
:'''Kelly''': Or [[w:Oscar the Grouch|Oscar the Grouch]]'s can.
:'''LaMarr''': Or [[w:Snoopy|Snoopy]]'s doghouse, yeah.
:'''Claire''': The miracles of quantum physics.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': ''[to the engineering crew]'' Now you listen to me, and you listen good. Yaphit's a member of our team, and you're gonna treat him that way. He had an idea and I thought it was a good one. ''I'' made the decision to go with it. So if you want to blame somebody, you blame me. It's ''my'' fault. And now maybe people will ''believe'' me when I say I am ''not'' a ''commander''! Now get back to work.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Excuse my bluntness, but... why do you hide your brains?
:'''LaMarr''': The colony where I'm from was brand-new, lot of farmers, lot of builders. They didn't trust anyone who was too much of an egghead. You'd be surprised how fast you can alienate people when you're always right. I wanted to be liked, accepted. Just became habit, I guess.

===''Mad Idolatry'' [1.12]===
:'''Isaac''': Commander, I remind you to use caution. Any contact with a culture that primitive (''[[w:Bronze Age|Bronze Age]]-level'') --
:'''Kelly''': ''[a bit snappish]'' Yeah, I know. Cultural contamination. I don't need you to remind me of the rules.
:'''Isaac''': ''[somewhat put out]'' I am merely attempting to be helpful, Commander. There is no need to be -- what does Captain Mercer call it -- &quot;pissy&quot;.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer hasn't included Kelly's contact with a planetary local in his report to the Admiral.]''
:'''Kelly''': Why didn't you tell her?
:'''Mercer''': You helped out a kid, that's all. And cultural contamination of a society that undeveloped is a serious charge. I just don't want to have to come visit you in prison.
:'''Kelly''': Really? You wouldn't want to visit a woman's prison?
:'''Mercer''': You're right, I'll call her back.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The 'Kelly' blessing]''
:'''Kelly''': Um... I hope your kid grows up and, uh... does a lot of good stuff. And... um...
:'''Gordon''': ''[aside]'' And doesn't get any girls pregnant.
:'''Kelly''': And doesn't get any girls pregnant! Stay in school.
:'''Gordon''': Amen.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Look, there's been a little misunderstanding. I'm not who you think I am.
:'''Valondis''': But you are. Healer of men. Divine hand of the heavens. God of all creation.
:'''Alara''': Man, this guy'd be the perfect boyfriend.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Female planetary representative''': Our society has become a space-faring culture with ships spread out across the galaxy. In our home universe, that is. But we wouldn't have gotten where we are without growing pains.
:'''Male planetary representative''': ''[to Kelly]'' Our planet worshiped you as a deity for many centuries. But had it not been you, the mythology would have found another face. It's part of every culture's evolution. It's one of the stages of learning. And eventually, it brought us here.
:'''Female planetary representative''': So you see, Commander, you didn't poison our culture with false faith. We flourish. ''You'' must have faith in reason, in discovery, and in the endurance of the logical mind.

==Season 2==
===''Ja'loja'' [2.01]===
:'''Mercer''': ''[having drinks with Alara at the mess hall bar]'' You know, there are times when I feel like you and I are more alike than any two people on the ship.
:'''Alara''': How so?
:'''Mercer''': Well, we both know we're good at our jobs, and yet we also seem to be the only two people who are haunted by this little voice that's always whispering that we don't really deserve to be here. And we're both alcoholics.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer is briefing the senior officers about Bortus' ''ja'loja'', a Moclan's annual urination ceremony.]''
:'''Mercer''': Okay. Now, I know this is gonna sound utterly insane to most of you and your first instinct may be to laugh, but we're all going to take this seriously, so I don't want to hear any jokes, no snide remarks, nothing.
:''[later]''
:'''Mercer''': ''[innocently]'' Bortus, if you need any time off to make preparations, feel free to relieve yourself.
:''[Gordon snickers and Mercer, realizing what he's just said, hangs his head, embarrassed.]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Bortus]'' No, it's-it's okay, man. He's just taking the piss out of you.
:'''Mercer''': ''[immediately]'' Okay, that's it. Dismissed. We're done. We're done.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': ''[regarding Ty's piano playing]'' Very, good, Ty. You have been practicing.
:'''Ty''': Yeah. Mom makes me practice a half hour every day. How long did it take ''you'' to learn piano?
:'''Isaac''': Approximately one-millionth of a [[w:Nanosecond|nanosecond]]. 
:'''Ty''': Wow.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[giving Cassius advice on dating Kelly]'' Here's my theory. A woman can't really love a man unless he's part dope. Be a little stupid every day, and ''really'' stupid once in a while, but... just don't be perfect.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': ''[commencing his'' Ja'loja ''ceremony]'' In the sight of those who stand with me, and those for whom I would sacrifice my being, I begin... the Release.

===''Primal Urges'' [2.02]===
:'''LaMarr''': Man, ten planets gobbled up by a hungry star. Remind me not to be on Earth when that happens to us.
:'''Isaac''': Earth's sun will not become a red supergiant for another five billion years, Commander. You will be long deceased and forgotten.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[laughs]'' There's gonna be some ladies still talking about ''me''.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Topa''': ''[picking at his food]'' Papa, can I be all done now?
:'''Bortus''': No, Topa. Finish your ''plokta''. Remember: if you do not eat, you will die.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Why the hell is dealing with Moclan culture always this difficult?
:'''Mercer''': They mutilate their female babies. They kill each other when they want a divorce. What do they do when it's someone's birthday, light the parents on fire?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': Surely, there is a more civilized means of selecting those who will be evacuated.
:'''Bortus''': I do not know, but it is their way.
:'''Isaac''': A random drawing of names is quite inefficient. It would be wiser to select the members of the society who possess the highest degree of intelligence.
:'''Bortus''': I may be a 'primitive organism', but I am happy I am ''not'' like you.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': I have been a bad mate. I have been disrespectful. Instead of speaking my mind aloud, I have retreated into a fantasy world.
:'''Klyden''': Dr. Finn says, if you talk about it, you get rid of it.
:'''Bortus''': Klyden. I do not know that I will ever be fully at peace with what happened to Topa. But today, I  witnessed events that... l am very fortunate to have you and Topa in my life. And I do not wish to lose you again.
:'''Klyden''': I do not wish to lose you, either.

===''Home'' [2.03]===
:''[The crew insist on yet another arm wrestling match between Alara and Isaac, on which they wager.]''
:'''Isaac''': I still fail to comprehend the purpose of this ritual.
:'''Alara''': We're circus animals, Isaac. I hate to break it to you.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': ''[marveling at the Xelayan city and landscape]'' God, I just can't... I mean, ''look'' at that.
:'''Mercer''': Nothing like it.
:'''Gordon''': You know, it's places like this that make me realize... God, I'm trash. My family is trash.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Alara''': Those people (''the'' Orville ''crew'') inspired me more in a year than anyone on Xelayah did my entire life.
:'''Ildis Kitan''': Now that is the gravity sickness talking.
:'''Alara''': No, Dad, that's ''me'' talking! Open your stupid ears and listen. All I ever needed to hear from you was, &quot;You can do it.&quot; That's all. Just once. And-and maybe that would've been a lie, but I needed that, Dad. I really needed it. And you know who said it to me instead. Captain Mercer, Commander Grayson and everyone on the ''Orville''. But not my own father.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Anything new in Engineering?
:'''Kelly''': Nothing departmental, but Yaphit's six-month evaluation was last week, and he asked what our parental leave is.
:'''Mercer''': Why? Is he thinking of splitting in half?
:'''Kelly''': We can't legally ask him that.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Ildis''': ''[badly shaken]'' Alara, you... We would all have been...
:'''Alara''': You don't have to say it, Dad. It's my job. It's what I've been trying to tell you for years. 
:'''Ildis''': They would have killed us. All of us.
:'''Alara''': Probably
:'''Ildis''': ''[getting emotional]'' I don't know you. I never even ''tried'' to know you.
:'''Alara''': I ''wanted'' you to know me, Dad. All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me.
:'''Ildis''': I am so proud. So very proud that you are my daughter. ''[on the verge of tears]'' And I'm so sorry that you got me for a father.
:''[Ildis begins crying. Alara takes his uninjured hand to comfort him.]''

===''Nothing Left on Earth Excepting Fishes'' [2.04]===
:'''Mercer''': You know, you got to pick a movie some night. I feel like I'm always the one doing it.
:'''Janel''': Well, you're doing good so far. What was that one you showed me about the taxi driver?
:'''Mercer''': ''[[w:Taxi Driver|Taxi Driver]]''.
:'''Janel''': Yeah, what was that called?
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, it was... it was called ''Taxi Driver''.
:'''Janel''': Oh, right. Yeah. ''[laughs]'' I liked that one.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Teleya''': If I was not going to kill you, I would give you some advice.
:'''Mercer''': Please. Love to hear it.
:'''Teleya''': You are painfully attentive. The failure of your marriage has caused you to overcompensate in the moment. And yet, paradoxically, despite this, your work remains your first priority. You have no balance.
:'''Mercer''': My God, you sound like my ex-wife.
:'''Teleya''': You feel entitled to educate others, but your own worldview is self-defeatingly narrow.
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, well, at least I know who [[Billy Joel]] is.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Okay. I can see I'm an open book, whether I want to be or not. I guess lately I've been feeling... bored with myself. Like, is this all I am -- a guy who drives ships from one place to another? And if I'm not enough for myself, what if that means... I'm not enough for other people?
:'''Kelly''': I hope you know that's not true. Look, just be sure you're doing this (''command training'') for the right reasons. When you're in command, the last person you think about is yourself. Make sense?
:''[Gordon nods.]''
:'''Kelly''': And by the way, if your goal is to prove how charming and awesome you are, as far as I'm concerned, you've already passed that test with flying colors.
:'''Gordon''': Thanks, Commander.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Look, from what we've seen, when planets first achieve space travel, and they venture out into the galaxy and discover that they're just one single species among a vast diversity of life-forms, they usually react in one of two ways. They embrace and adapt to the fact that they're no longer the center of the universe, or they ratchet up their xenophobia. Now, from what I've learned of your history, the Krill were a lot less fanatical before you left your home world.
:'''Teleya''': You know nothing of our history.
:'''Mercer''': I know fear when I see it. You're afraid to accept the fact that your superiority may just be a comforting myth.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Teleya''': If you believe releasing me will somehow improve relations between our people, you are indulging another fantasy.
:'''Mercer''': Defect of my species. We never give up hope.

===''All the World Is Birthday Cake'' [2.05]===
:'''Satellite technician''': Alignment complete. Transmitters at full power. Now all we need is something to say.
:'''Prefect''': Let's keep it simple. &quot;Is anyone out there?&quot;

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[having his initial interview with new security chief Talla Keyali]'' So, I know what I read in the initial report, but I wanted to hear your version. It says you punched your last captain in the face?
:'''Talla Keyali''': I did, sir.
:'''Mercer''': Knocked him out.
:'''Talla''': Out cold, yeah.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Bortus has declined having a joint birthday party with Kelly's.]''
:'''Kelly''': Why not?
:'''Bortus''': I prefer my birthday to be ''my'' day.
:'''Gordon''': He's afraid he's gonna get less stuff.
:'''Bortus''': I am not afraid.
:'''Gordon''': And he's right. Joint birthday, less stuff for everybody. It's a trap, Bortus.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer and Talla are trying to negotiate with the Prefect, a firm believer in astrology, for the release of Kelly and Bortus.]''
:'''Prefect''': Why are you defending them? You ''live'' among the stars. You should understand their significance better than anyone.
:'''Talla''': We actually have this crazy system where we judge people by their actions, not their birthdates. It's kinda wacky, I know.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': Captain, I have what might be an uncomfortable question. What's gonna happen when the Regorians figure out the star is fake?
:'''Mercer''': That's actually a really good question. We just lied to an entire planet, and I don't know what the ethics of that mean. But that lie meant freedom for an entire portion of the population, so... the short answer is I don't know. 
:'''Kelly''': By the time their technology advances to the point where they know the jig is up, they may not even care anymore.

===''A Happy Refrain'' [2.06]===
:''[Mercer speaking to Gordon privately regarding Bortus' mustache]''
:'''Mercer''': Hey, um, you remember that conversation we had about ''selectivity'' with what you say to Bortus?
:'''Gordon''': Yeah.
:''[Mercer gives Gordon a look.]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[realizing]'' Oh. ''This'' would've been --
:'''Mercer''': This would've been one of those things, yeah.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': I just think, if it had a little more kick when I hit the gas, it would feel better, you know? 
:'''LaMarr''': You understand this isn't a [[w:Porsche|Porsche]], right? This is a quantum drive engine that makes a thousand trillion independent calculations every millisecond.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I know that. I-I just like to feel a certain level of responsiveness when I'm driving.
:'''LaMarr''': Oh, okay. You want power steering, too? Maybe an air freshener shaped like a little tree?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The bridge crew is asking Isaac about his date with Claire.]''
:'''Talla''': Did you have fun? Were there sparks?
:'''Isaac''': Sparks?
:'''Talla''': Yeah.
:'''Isaac''': Negative. There was no equipment malfunction.
:'''Mercer''': Well, you don't have to brag about it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': There is one part of the relationship experience that you haven't yet tackled.
:'''Isaac''': Please elaborate.
:'''Mercer''': You screwed up, and now you have to win back the girl.
:'''Isaac''': Dr. Finn has made her wishes clear.
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, well, Dr. Finn is also the wisest person on board this ship. She knows how new this is to you. If she sees you making a real effort, then who knows? She just might be understanding.
:'''Isaac''': I have no experience in such matters.
:'''Mercer''': Yeah, well, there's no rule book for this one. You just have to take everything you know about her, every bit of data, and do something you've never done.
:'''Isaac''': What is that?
:'''Mercer''': Be creative.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': We are, without a doubt, the ''weirdest'' ship in the fleet.

===''Deflectors'' [2.07]===
:'''Gordon''': When Moclans break up, is there, like, all that stabbing, like with the divorce?
:'''Bortus''': No. Each Moclan extracts a tooth and leaves it with his former mate.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah. I knew it had to be something like that.
:'''Mercer''': Do you still have the tooth?
:'''Bortus''': No. It is given to the next mate.
:'''Gordon''': Let me guess. He ''eats'' it.
:'''Bortus''': That is correct.
:'''Gordon''': ''Yes!'' Man, I'm gettin' so good at this.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': You know, there's something seriously wrong with all of us when the most stable relationship on the ''Orville'' is Isaac's.
:'''LaMarr''': Yeah, man, what's your secret?
:'''Isaac''': Dr. Finn has cautioned me against speaking too openly about our coupling.
:'''Talla''': Did something happen?
:'''Gordon''': Oh, yeah. He was going around the ship asking everybody what sexual positions are most pleasurable to biological lifeforms.
:'''Isaac''': I was merely attempting to provide Dr. Finn with the most dutifully calibrated coital experience.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, no, that's what women want: dutiful coitus.
:'''LaMarr''': Hey. I'm trying to eat here.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': The galaxy is full of so many unhappy people. Why ignore something good?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': I mean, this has to be the most insane thing that's ever happened on this ship.
:'''LaMarr''': Well, one time, I almost died 'cause I humped a statue.
:'''Gordon''': Isaac once cut my leg off.
:'''LaMarr''': And the captain and commander, they got put in a zoo.
:'''Gordon''': And Bortus almost crashed the ship 'cause of porn.
:'''Talla''': I see.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Klyden''': If you had not done your job, I would have gone to prison. I owe you a debt.
:'''Talla''': You want to repay me, here's how. When you see me in the corridor, walk the other way.
:'''Klyden''': I do not understand.
:'''Talla''': Locar didn't hurt you. He didn't hurt anyone. All he wanted was love. And yet, because of you, his life is over, for no reason except your own prejudice. ''[getting emotional]'' So as far as I'm concerned, you can go straight to [[Hell]].

===''Identity, part 1'' [2.08]===
:''[Mercer is asking permission to take a disabled Isaac back to his home world.]''
:'''Mercer''': Look, sir, Isaac is a member of my crew. We all care about him. And right now, the only people who can help him are on Kaylon.
:'''Admiral Halsey''': And you're sure there's nothing you can do for him on the ''Orville''?
:'''Mercer''': Picture your mom trying to hook up a stereo.
:'''Admiral Halsey''': ''[realizing]'' I understand.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''': ''[softly, to an inert, deactivated Isaac]'' I love you. Please, don't go.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': ''[to Ty and Marcus]'' Remember to consume your daily required nutrients and obey your mother's commands. I fully expect that you will both mature into competent and productive adults.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kaylon #1''': You oscillate between periods of enlightenment and tyranny. Can you prove this cycle has been broken?
:'''Mercer''': Well, the Union itself is all the proof you need. We are over three hundred planetary governments working together to ensure that no single world imposes its will upon another. We treat each other as equals.
:'''Kaylon #2''': And was the Kaylon emissary treated as an equal aboard your ship?
:'''Mercer''': Isaac? Of course.
:'''Kaylon #2''': Then perhaps you can explain the abuse inflicted by your crew.
:'''Kelly''': Abuse?
:'''Kaylon #2''': According to his reports, Isaac was repeatedly demeaned and degraded. In one case, his cranial shell was disfigured by prosthetic appendages.
:'''Kaylon #1''': &quot;[[w:Mr. Potato Head|Mr. Potato Head]]&quot;.
:'''Mercer''': He... told you about that, huh?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Isaac is encouraged to give a speech at his farewell party.]''
:'''Isaac''': I do not know any speeches.
:'''Mercer''': ''[good-naturedly]'' You're a walking database. Search your files.
:''[Isaac consults his files and walks up in front of the crew.]''
:'''Isaac''': [[Sally Field|I want to say &quot;Thank You&quot; to you all. I wanted more than anything to have your respect. And I can't deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me.]]

===''Identity, part 2'' [2.09]===
:'''Gordon''': ''[arriving late to a strategy session in the cargo bay]'' Sorry, I was in the pee corner.
:'''Kelly''': The what?
:'''Gordon''': Oh. Well, there's no place to go to the bathroom down here, so we all agreed on one corner. Yeah, no, trust me, you don't want to go over there unless you have to.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kaylon Primary''': You will now terminate the human (''Ty''). If you do not comply, you will be deactivated.
:'''Isaac''': Very well.
:''[Isaac approaches, then 'kills' Primary by tearing his head from his body. Isaac then shoots the Kaylon guards.]''
:'''Isaac''': Deactivation complete.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[A Krill fleet has arrived and successfully engaged the Kaylon ships.]''
:'''Kelly''': ''[on the viewscreen]'' Captain Mercer, meet Captain Dalak.
:'''Mercer''': It's good to meet you, Captain. We owe you one.
:'''Dalak''': Try to stay out of our way.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Captain, it seems we have a common enemy. I hope that means we can work toward finding a common ground.
:'''Dalak''': Avis united our paths for a reason. But only He truly knows why. We shall see where that path leads.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': My actions have eliminated the possibility of returning to my planet. And the actions of the Kaylon have eliminated my wish to do so. I have no home.
:'''Claire''': Lots of people say that home is wherever you make it.
:'''Isaac''': A human cliche.
:'''Claire''': Cliches become cliched precisely because they're valid enough to bear endless repetition. 
:''[Claire goes to stand beside Isaac.]''
:'''Claire''': I understand you're alone in the universe. And, for a time, that's something you'll have to live with. There's an old human custom called 'forgiveness'. It, too, takes time. But it must have a beginning. ''[regards Isaac]'' Good night, Isaac. ''[leaves]''

===''Blood of Patriots'' [2.10]===
:'''Orrin''': Losing (''my wife'') was the worst thing that ever happened to me. You know what scared me the most? It was the knowledge that someday, years down the line, there would come a time when her absence would feel like the norm, when I would resign myself to her loss, and my life -- the life that I accepted as real-- would be the one without her in it. And now that ''is'' my reality.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Look, Gordon, I'm just trying to do the right thing.
:'''Gordon''': The right thing is to protect him (''Orrin''). He's a Union officer. Do your job.
:'''Mercer''': ''[in all seriousness]'' I'll let you know when I figure out what that is.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Leyna is holding a knife to Talla's throat.]''
:'''Talla''': You ever met a Xelayan before?
:'''Leyna''': ''[scoffs]'' No.
:''[Talla uses her superhuman strength to throw Leyna across the room and into the wall, hard]''
:'''Talla''': You have, now.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Mercer and the Krill ambassador have just signed a preliminary peace agreement between the Union and the Krill.]''
:'''Mercer''': I hope that this marks the beginning of a new era of nonviolence between our two peoples.
:'''Krill ambassador''': We will see. A peace is only as strong as those who uphold it.
:'''Kelly''': And, of course, trust is earned.
:'''Krill ambassador''': We agree on ''that'', Commander.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': I count on you, man.
:'''Gordon''': Dude, you can always count on me. That's never gonna change. You're my best friend. Nobody's ever gonna come along and mess it up, I swear. I mean, maybe, like, a really hot girl, but other than that, it's rock-solid.
:'''Mercer''': ''[chuckles]'' Thanks.

===''Lasting Impressions'' [2.11]===
:'''Laura''': ''[video message on her phone to the future]'' Okay. Hey, what's up, future people? Hi. I'm Laura Huggins, and if you're seeing this, you found my phone. So, I'm from [[w:Saratoga Springs, New York|Saratoga Springs, New York]], and some people in my town had this idea to make a time capsule, and I thought this was a really cool thing to do and I was trying to think of what I could put in there that would show the future something about who I am, and since I just got the new [[w:iPhone |iPhone]], I thought instead of sticking my old one in a drawer somewhere, I'd put it in the capsule. So, here I am. Here ''you'' are. And since I'm probably long dead by now, you can read all my texts and e-mails and look at all my pictures and decide whether you think I was, I dunno, cool or a bitch or whatever. Anyway, I ''hope'' you guys have, like, flying cars or something by now, and if you do, I'm super jealous, and I'm really sorry I'm not there to hang with you guys. Um, but, hey, have fun getting to know who I ''was''.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Dr. Sherman''': ''[regarding a text message on Laura's phone]'' Look at this. She's clearly asking her friend where to find the nearest repair service for her device. But instead of writing &quot;Wireless Telecommunications Facility&quot;, she just writes &quot;WTF&quot;.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Bortus and Klyden are trying cigarettes for the first time.]''
:'''Klyden''': The sensation is... wonderful.
:'''Bortus''': I have never experienced such a flavor.
:'''Klyden''': I feel as if I have been standing my entire life and I just sat down.
:''[They continue smoking.]''
:'''Klyden''': The ''tingles!'' Do you feel them?
:'''Bortus''': I do.
:'''Klyden''': We must have more.
:'''Bortus''': ''[to the synthesizer]'' Five hundred cigarettes. ''[The synthesizer complies.]''

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': No, seriously, I think if the right person heard you (''sing''), you'd be a huge success.
:'''Laura''': But I don't even have to be a ''huge'' success. I just want to be rich enough to be unhappy, but not enough to be miserable.
:'''Gordon''': Fair enough.
:'''Laura''': No, more important than that, I just think it would be nice to be remembered for something. You know? I mean, we all live and die on this planet, and most of us are just forgotten. To me, there's nothing sadder about the world than that.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Gordon''': God, I'm gonna miss her. So much.
:'''Kelly''': People have been living and dying for as long as humans have existed. Most are forgotten. But not this one. She reached across four centuries and got a guy to fall in love. We should all be so rare.

===''Sanctuary'' [2.12]===
:''[Admiral Halsey relates that, in addition to a weapons upgrade, the'' Orville ''is to transport a Moclan engineer to another vessel.]''
:'''Mercer''': Sir, with all due respect, we're starting to feel like a taxi cab here.
:'''Halsey''': I know. But it's the ''least'' we can do in exchange for bigger guns.
:'''Mercer''': All right.
:'''Halsey''': Have fun. Halsey out. ''[ends transmission]''
:'''Kelly''': I'll go start the meter.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Heveena''': It was always inevitable that fate would beckon us from the shadows. &quot;[[w:Mahatma Ghandi|Every revolution begins with a single act of defiance]].&quot;
:'''Kelly''': One of yours?
:'''Heveena''': Actually, I don't know who said it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Heveena listens to the opening lines to the song'' &quot;[[w:9 to 5 (Dolly Parton song)|9 to 5]]&quot; ''and is greatly moved.]''
:'''Heveena''': Who is she?
:'''Mercer''': That's, uh, [[w:Dolly Parton|Dolly Parton]].
:''[Heveena continues listening to the song.]''
:'''Heveena''': ''[awed]'' She speaks with the might of a hundred soldiers.
:'''Mercer''': ''[a little bemused]'' Yeah. Yeah, I guess she does.
:'''Heveena''': This is the voice of our revolution.
:'''Mercer''': Well, you know, there's actually a whole bunch of stuff--
:'''Heveena''': ''No!'' It is she.
:'''Mercer''': Okay, then. Go, Dolly.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[to the assembled admirals]'' Look, I understand what's at stake. I'm just saying that if we're not willing to stand up for the values that this Union was founded on... what exactly are we defending?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Heveena''': But just as we took that bold first step, in time, others like us ''will'' take a second one. The revolution has begun. We will rise, one small victory at a time.
:'''Kelly''': I believe you will.
:'''Heveena''': Captain. Do you suppose Dolly Parton would be proud of us?
:'''Mercer''': ''[smiling broadly]'' Oh, yeah.

===''Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow'' [2.13]===
:''[Mercer, Kelly, Gordon and Talla are sharing drinks and talking.]''
:'''Talla''': Okay, wait, I want to hear the rest of this story.
:'''Gordon''': Okay, okay, so let me finish. So we're all at this reception at Admiral Halsey's house, and Philippa Jones is there.
:'''Talla''': The novelist.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, right. So Kelly just spent two hours pouring scotch down Ed's throat--
:'''Kelly''': ''[in good humor]'' Okay, you're demoted.
:'''Gordon''': --and we're leaving, and Philippa walks up and says, &quot;It was nice meeting you&quot;, and Ed goes, ''[slurred voice]'' &quot;Good night, Fallopia.&quot; ''[Talla laughs]'' He called her Fallopia.
:'''Mercer''': They heard you the first time, thanks. ''[Everyone laughs]''

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''LaMarr''': Just for the record, the dysonium field condenser analysis is something a first-year cadet could do. Why's it always gotta be ''me''?
:'''Kelly''': We all just sleep better at night knowing it gets your personal tender-loving care.
:'''LaMarr''': ''[walking out]'' Well, just pop a sleeping pill.
:'''Kelly''': I'll try that, too.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': I don't know how the food synthesizers are gonna replicate enough wine for two Kellys.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Past Kelly''': ''[to Kelly]'' You're not married. You're not a captain. You &quot;maintain a distance&quot; from your crew. There were three things I wanted in life, and you haven't come close on one. You've made my future a disappointment.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Past Mercer''': Hey.
:'''Past Kelly''': Hi.
:'''Past Mercer''': I hope I'm not calling too early. Did I wake you up?
:'''Past Kelly''': No, no, I was, um... ''[looks around]''
:'''Past Mercer''': You okay?
:'''Past Kelly''': Yeah. I... What's up?
:'''Past Mercer''': Well, um... I know this goes completely against the cool guy playbook, but I had a really great time with you last night, and... I was wondering if I could take you out again.
:'''Past Kelly''': I just, um... I just don't see us working out. I'm sorry. ''[hangs up]''

===''The Road Not Taken'' [2.14]===
:''[The alternate Mercer and Gordon's shuttle is being tractor-beamed into a Scavenger ship.]''
:'''Gordon''': What do we do?
:'''Mercer''': ''[handing Gordon a gun]'' We fight. I'm not gonna let our last meal be a [[w:Twinkie|Twinkie]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': In the other timeline, we got married. Long story short, I had an affair, we got divorced. Out of guilt, I helped get you command of the ''Orville''. And because you were captain, the Kaylon were defeated.
:'''Mercer''': Because ''I'' was captain?
:'''Kelly''': Yes.
:'''Mercer''': ''I'' stopped the Kaylon?
:'''Kelly''': Right.
:'''Mercer''': I had to swim with my shirt on until I was twenty.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[The derelict ''Orville'''s bridge doors are jammed closed.]''
:'''Mercer''': Talla, you want to open this jar of pickles?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Am I a terrible person, that... part of me wants this timeline to continue?
:'''Mercer''': ''[sighs]'' You're asking the wrong guy.
:'''Kelly''': In the middle of this nightmare universe, I've felt this weird sense of comfort... being with you.
:'''Mercer''': Well, maybe we'll fail (''to restore the timeline''). Have to go find someplace to live in secret.
:'''Kelly''': Some nice little house on a deserted planet. We could have a couple of kids. Boy and a girl. 
:'''Mercer''': We'd have to learn how to farm, how to cook.
:'''Kelly''': Look at the sunset every night.
:'''Mercer''': Look at you every morning. ''[They kiss.]'' You know, Gordon's probably gonna have to live with us.
:'''Kelly''': Shut up, you're ruining it. ''[They share a longer kiss.]''

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Past Mercer''': Hey.
:'''Past Kelly''': Hey.
:'''Past Mercer''': I hope I'm not calling too early. Did I wake you up?
:'''Past Kelly''': No. I was already awake. What's going on?
:'''Past Mercer''': Well, um... I know this goes completely against the cool guy playbook, but I had a really great time with you last night, and... I was wondering if I could take you out again.
:'''Past Kelly''': I'd love it.

== New Horizons ==
===''Electric Sheep'' {3.1]===
&lt;center&gt;
'''''Opening credits tribute''': &quot;In Memory of [[w:Norm Macdonald|Norm Macdonald]] 1959 - 2021&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;


:'''Charly Burke''': ''[to Isaac, talking about her best friend who was killed in the Kaylon battle]'' One second, she was there... and the next, she was gone. Along with three hundred other people. Because of you. So you see, it really is a shame that you can't feel anything. Because you deserve to feel all the pain in the universe. And if I were you, I'd stay the hell out of the mess hall. It makes people sick to look at you.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': I hope (''LaMarr'')'s taken at least one night off in the last three weeks. Gordon, why don't you take him out tonight, get him wasted?
:'''Gordon''': ''[mock-serious]'' Is that an order, sir?
:'''Kelly''': It is.
:'''Gordon''': I enjoy this job, sir.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': You've been getting harassed by the crew and you haven't said anything?
:'''Isaac''': I would remind you, Commander, that I am incapable of being hurt by such hostile interactions. In fact, it has provided me with an opportunity to observe an intriguing facet of human comportment I have not previously encountered.
:'''Mercer''': Hatred.
:'''Isaac''': Correct, sir. The behavioral data has been quite plentiful.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Ed has a philosophy that the only way to recover from lost love is to stay away from places where you've been happy.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[giving Isaac's eulogy]'' I know that Isaac was not loved by all. As a result of the choices he made in life, he leaves behind a troublesome legacy. From the very start, like a tree whose branches are equaled in scope by its roots -- half visible, half hidden -- Isaac was part mystery. He worked with us, he explored with us, he celebrated alongside us in victory, and he grieved alongside us in failure. And while Isaac never felt any of this on his own, we felt it for him. He was as passionate or as stoic as we willed him to be in our minds. And for that reason, I suppose each of us knew a different Isaac. And each of us will acknowledge this loss as we see fit. There's no wrong way to say goodbye.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[upon completing the ship's upgrade]''
:'''LaMarr''': Boom. That's it. Nice job, everyone.
:'''Yaphit''': ''And'' in two-thirds of the time. We should all get big bonuses.
:'''LaMarr''': Check's in the mail.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''': Do you accept my status as primary authority when it comes to the psychological well-being of this crew?
:'''Isaac''': Yes.
:'''Claire''': And do you acknowledge, when it comes to human behavior, that my judgement as a medical professional is superior to yours?
:'''Isaac''': Yes.
:'''Claire''': Then it is only logical for you to accept my assertion that the psychological damage to this crew would be much greater if you ''succeeded'' in taking your own life.
:'''Isaac''': Your reasoning is sound. 
:'''Claire''': Isaac, you arrived at your decision based on your analysis of all currently available data. But what you didn't take into account was the possibility of change. You don't know how this crew is going to feel a year or even a month from now. 
:'''Isaac''': I did not apply that data, as it is unavailable at this time.
:'''Claire''':  That's my point! People who try to take their own lives are unable to distinguish the future from the present. There is ''no'' problem so immense that it can't be solved in time.

===''Shadow Realms'' {3.2]===
:'''Claire''':  Well, you look healthy. Time's been good to you.
:'''Vice Admiral Paul Christie''': Maybe on the outside. But you know what they say: Unmarried men look younger, feel older.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Claire''':  You know, there's a line from a very old book I once read: &quot;[[w:Irwin Shaw|It is only with greatest care that memory can be kept from becoming a prison or a gallows.]]&quot;

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Admiral Christie''': Consul, Ambassador. We wish you safe travels, and we want to thank you again for your generosity. I know I speak for the entire Union when I say that there is no greater gift than the promise of new knowledge.
:'''Krill Consul''': ''Sala tallo ka vaspa ko loy.''
:'''Talla''': What does that mean?
:'''Krill Consul''': It is a prayer. For those who are about to die.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': ''[addressing the crew with an impromptu &quot;pep talk&quot;]'' All hands, this is the Captain. We're about to enter unexplored space. I know you're all just as excited as I am, and I know you're all going to do your best, so... let's give this everything we got, and... [[w:Star Wars (film)|may the Force be with you]].

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[discussing Claire]''
:'''Admiral Christie''': I've heard from a few folks on board that you two were... involved.
:'''Isaac''': That is accurate.
:'''Admiral Christie''': Well, you know, I was with Claire, too, a long time ago.
:'''Isaac''': Then we share a common experience.
:'''Admiral Christie''': After all this time, she's moved on, but I'm afraid that I haven't. I hope you don't mind me telling you this.
:'''Isaac''': No, sir. I have observed many such paradoxes in human relationships.
:--
:'''Isaac''': Am I to understand that you find it a challenge to process her daily absence? 
:'''Admiral Christie''': Yes, you could say that.
:'''Isaac''': It is another common experience we share.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mercer''': Isaac. Analysis of that star cluster.
:'''Isaac''': An [[w:Stellar kinematics#OB associations|OB association]], approximately two million years old. 78 blue giant stars, along with several dozen F, G and K stars in later stages of evolution.
:'''Charly''': Reminds me of [[w:Las Vegas|Vegas]].
:'''Admiral Christie''': Any life signs?
:'''Isaac''': I am detecting 347 inhabitable planets, but so far, no indications of intelligent life.
:'''Gordon''': Wow. It really ''is'' Vegas.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[devising a plan against the alien creatures]''
:'''Claire''': I could create a synthetic virus. It wouldn't have to be any stronger than the common cold, and it'd probably be fatal to them. We could disperse it in aerosolized form throughout the ship. They'd have no immunity.
:'''Bortus''': What about us?
:'''Claire''': You might get the sniffles.
:'''Bortus''': I am prepared.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': I... wish to offer my condolences on the loss of your friend.
:'''Claire''': Well, that's very kind of you. Paul was a special person. I'm just glad I got to see him one last time.
:'''Isaac''': He spoke favorably of you as well.
:'''Claire''': You... talked about me? With Paul?
:'''Isaac''': Our shared history of social and sexual intimacy with you provided a common frame of reference.
:'''Claire''': ''[laughs]'' Do you know, I have missed you.
:'''Isaac''': Thank you, Doctor.

===''Mortality Paradox'' {3.3]===
:'''Kelly''': How are your mom and dad?
:'''Talla''': My mom's good. My dad's also good. He's his usual self.
:'''Kelly''': Work hard, play hard?
:'''Talla''': I think the Fleet's the only thing keeping him from pursuing a full-time career as an alcoholic. But if the uniform's on, we can handle it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Talla''': ''[offering a box of chocolate]'' Bortus, you want one?
:'''Bortus''': No thank you. I am dieting.
:'''Talla''': Since when?
:'''Bortus''': My shore leave is in thirty days. Klyden and I are visiting the Belajok Sea on Moclus. Lieutenant Malloy has advised me to get my... &quot;summer body&quot;.
:'''Gordon''': You'll thank me. Klyden'll thank me, too.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Bortus''': What is this place?
:'''Gordon''': ''[disconcerted]'' An old Earth high school in the middle of the forest on an alien planet. Completely normal. How's ''your'' day going?

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[inside a Moclan morgue]''
:'''Gordon''': Why do you... hang them like this?
:'''Bortus''': We honor the dead by raising them for a period of nine days. Traditionally, it is to allow them to resolve any unfinished affairs on Moclus before moving onward.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, that's considerate.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': Ed. You should stay here. I'll go.
:'''Mercer''': If there's possibility--
:'''Kelly''': That's a nasty head injury, whether you want to admit it or not. You could have a concussion for all we know. If we encounter anything hostile over there, I don't want you putting yourself at further risk.
:'''Mercer''': Is that an ''order'', Commander?
:'''Kelly''': Yes, it is.
:'''Mercer''': All right. ''[trades places with Kelly]'' Be careful. That's also an order.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Dinal''': [[w:Evolution|Evolution]] is blind and drunk. It stumbles along by trial and error and emerges with a barely adequate excuse for a being. ''[to Gordon]'' No offense.
:'''Gordon''': None taken.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Dinal''': You outgrew your gods and your nations, as we did. You left your training wheels behind, and you made it to the stars. Your next hurdles are really no different. You simply must outgrow self. These abstractions that you inhabit for now: Captain, Explorer, Husband,... Man... they are irrelevant when you become one with the cosmos. And when you do, sculpting a universe will be as simple as blinking an eye.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Kelly''': You'd live forever if you could?
:'''Mercer''': Yup.
:'''Gordon''': Why?
:'''Mercer''': I want to see what happens.

===''Gently Falling Rain'' [3.4]===
&lt;center&gt;
'''''Opening credits tribute''': &quot;In Memory of [[w:Lisa Banes|Lisa Banes]] 1955 - 2021&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;


:'''Union President Alcazar''': Did you enjoy your evening on [[w:Broadway theatre|Broadway]], Chancellor?
:'''Chancellor Korin''': Indeed. However, the repeated prophecy of [[w:Annie (musical)|the orphan child]] was quite haunting. &quot;[[w:Tomorrow (Annie)|The ''sun'' will come out... tomorrow.]]&quot;
:'''Krill Aide''': In our culture, the sun is a symbol of suffering and death.
:'''Admiral Halsey''': Yes, in retrospect, ''[[w:Oklahoma!|Oklahoma!]]'' might've been a better choice.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;

===''A Tale of Two Topas'' [3.5]===
:'''Bortus''': It occurs to me that in all the time we have been together, I have never once known you to be uncertain. Of anything. Tell me, what is it like to be so wise?
:'''Klyden''': You are mocking me.
:'''Bortus''': ''You'' invite it.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Klyden''': Bortus, I would give anything to be ignorant of my beginnings. Topa may never be happy, but unhappiness is better than despair.

===''Twice in a Lifetime'' [3.6]===
:'''Gordon''': Hey, this is why I love hosting parties, 'cause you can drink and you don't have to go anywhere. Cheers.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Isaac''': Hello, Ensign.
:'''Charly''': ''[strained]'' Hello.
:'''Isaac''': May I speak with you for a moment?
:'''Charly''': Sorry. Busy having fun.

===''From Unknown Graves'' [3.7]===
:''[In order for Isaac to be able to retain the ability to feel emotions, his memory would need to be erased. Isaac is willing to do so.]''
:'''Claire''': You're willing to give up everything you've learned. everything you've experienced over you whole entire life, for me?
:'''Isaac''': If you wish.
:'''Claire''': Some people would call that love.
:'''Isaac''': I am incapable of love.
:'''Claire''': So... I have a choice. I can have your heart, or your soul.
:'''Isaac''': There is no such organ.
:'''Claire''': I won't let you give up who you are. That's who I fell in love with.

===''Midnight Blue'' [3.8]===
:'''Bortus''': There are days when I would rather confront a fleet of Krill battle cruisers than parent a child.

===''Domino'' [3.9]===

===''Future Unknown'' [3.10]===

== Main Cast ==
* [[w:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]] as Capt. Ed Mercer
* [[w:Adrianne Palicki|Adrianne Palicki]] as Cmdr. Kelly Grayson
* [[w:Penny Johnson Jerald|Penny Johnson Jerald]] as Dr. Claire Finn
* [[w:Scott Grimes|Scott Grimes]] as Lt. Gordon Malloy
* [[w:Peter Macon|Peter Macon]] as Lt. Cmdr. Bortus
* [[w:J. Lee|J. Lee]] as Lt. (later Lt. Cmdr.) John LaMarr
* [[w:Mark Jackson (actor)|Mark Jackson]] as Isaac
* [[w:Halston Sage|Halston Sage]] as Lt. Alara Kitan (Season 1; Season 2, episodes 1-3, guest appearance in episode 14)
* [[w:Jessica Szohr|Jessica Szohr]] as Lt. Talla Keyali (Season 2, episode 5 onward)

[[Category:FOX shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Princess and the Pea (2002 film)</title>
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'''''[[w:The Princess and the Pea (2002 film)|The Princess and the Pea]]''''' is a 2002 American-Hungarian [[w:animation|traditionally animated]] [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:fantasy film|fantasy film]] adaptation of the popular 1835 fairy tale ''[[w:The Princess and the Pea|The Princess and the Pea]]'' by [[Hans Christian Andersen]]. It was released August 16, 2002 as an American-Hungarian production of [[w:Feature Films for Families|Feature Films for Families]] &amp; Swan Productions.
:''Directed by Mark Swan. Written by Ken Cromar and Forrest S. Baker. Based on [[w:The Princess and the Pea|The Princess and the Pea]] by [[w:Hans Christian Andersen|Hans Christian Andersen]].''
'''Never underestimate the power of a vegetable.'''

==Sebastian the Raven==
* It's in the princess, not the pea! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

==Dialogue==
:''[The &quot;birthmark&quot; on Hildegard's foot is smudged, proving that it's fake]''
:'''Sebastian''': Aha, ha, ha, ha! I was right! Hildegard is '''NOT''' your daughter, Heath!
:'''Helsa''': AH! The pig's out of the bag!
:''[Fearless pops out of his hiding place. Princess Daria and Hungry appeared as well]
:'''Prince Rollo''': Fearless? Princess, Hungry! But if you're here, then...
:'''Sebastian''': Heath, your daughter is...
:'''Laird''': ...'''RIGHT HERE!'''
:''[The camera pans to Laird above the crowd. Princess Daria is in her clutches]''
:'''Princess Daria''': &lt;big&gt;'''LET ME GO!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Prince Rollo''': &lt;big&gt;'''DARIA!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Laird''': Take another step, and she goes over the side! ''[laughs evilly]'' Helsa and Hildegard! Come to me!
:'''Helsa''': ''[grabbing as much food as she can]'' I'm coming, I'm coming...
:'''Laird''': &lt;big&gt;'''NOW!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Helsa and Hildegard hurry]''
:'''King Heath''': Hildegard... '''LAIRD!''' Where is your conscience?
:'''Laird''': You're so predictable! Blade! ''[throws a dagger to Blade, who flies to the chandelier above Prince Rollo, cutting the ropes that hold it up]'' Say goodbye to your &quot;future son-in-law&quot;!
:'''King Heath''': ROLLO!
:''[King Heath pushes Prince Rollo out of the way, diving under the falling chandelier himself - it crushes him, and he appears dead]''
:'''Laird''': What a tragic accident! At this time of sorrow, I ''sadly'' proclaim myself king, and denounce this girl as an imposter!
:'''King Heath''': ''[slowly lifting his head]'' Wrong... again... brother!
:'''Laird''': Hmm? ''[whining]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I WANT THE KINGDOM!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''King Heath''': ''[getting up]'' Let... my daughter... free!
:'''Laird''': ''[groaning in frustration]'' My reign was short but glorious. ''[takes off with Princess Daria]''

==Voice cast==
* Amanda Waving as Princess Daria.
* [[w:Steven Webb|Steven Webb]] as Prince Rollo.
** [[w:Dan Finnerty|Dan Finnerty]] (singing voice)
* [[w:Nigel Lambert|Nigel Lambert]] as Sebastian the Raven.
* Lincoln Hoppe as King Heath.
* [[w:Ronan Vibert|Ronan Vibert]] as Laird.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Princess and the Pea (2002)}}
[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Hungarian films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run</title>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|1]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]] ([[SpongeBob SquarePants|Main]]) | '''Movies''': [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years|Kamp Koral]] / [[The Patrick Star Show]]
----
'''''[[w:The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run]]''''' (originally known as '''''The SpongeBob Movie: It's a Wonderful Sponge''''') is a 2020/2021 American [[w:Live action|live-action]]/[[w:Computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] based on the [[w:|animated television series]] ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''. It is the first film in the franchise to be fully animated in stylized [[w:Computer-generated imagery|CGI]] rather than traditional [[w:Traditional animation|2D animation]]. The plot follows the origin of how [[w:SpongeBob SquarePants (character)|SpongeBob]] met [[w:List of SpongeBob SquarePants characters#Main characters|Gary the Snail]], and SpongeBob's quest to rescue him after he is kidnapped. It was release on Paramount+ and video on demand on March 4, 2021.

:''Directed by [[w:Tim Hill (director)|Tim Hill]]. Produced by Ryan Harris. Screenplay by Tim Hill and Michael Kvamme.''
{{center|'''A Huge Journey to Find a Tiny Friend.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}}

==[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants (character)|SpongeBob SquarePants]]==
* ''[first line, in the Nickelodeon Movies logo]'' I'm ready!
* Aww, don't worry, Gar-bear. I'll be back before you can say &quot;Why did he cruelly abandon me like that?&quot;
* ''[holding up a squeaky toy]'' Ooh, Gary, what's this? ''[Gary eats the toy. There's an awkward pause]'' Okay, that'll come out later.

==[[w:Squidward Tentacles|Squidward Tentacles]]==
* ''[defending SpongeBob]'' Which is why, even though I can't stand SpongeBob, but at the same time...well, I love him. I love him...and I hate him! He's like, ice cream with salt on it! He's sweet, but super annoying. He's nice, and... ''nails-on-a-chalkboard'' annoying! Okay, fine, he's mostly super-freaking annoying! But...this little nattering noodge...is my friend. And he doesn't deserve to die.

==[[w:Mr. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]==
* Nay, I could never harm the lad. His absence has taught me that much. And I'm not just talking about the money I'm losing with him gone. ''[Sandy and Squidward exchange skeptical looks]'' Okay, fifty percent talking about the money, fifty percent talking about I truly miss the boy.

==[[w:Plankton and Karen|Plankton]]==
* Oh nonsense, It's Krabs, Karen! I know it is. And tonight, I will finally, extract my revenge! ''[laughs evilly]''

==Sage==
* I'm made out of sage and I am the Sage, so it works out pretty well.
* Seriously, it's hard enough being stuck in a tumbleweed... ''['''SpongeBob''': Patrick! We gotta find Gary!]'' ...but dealing with you two makes me want to light myself on fire.

==Dialogue==
:''[from a Superbowl TV spot]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': The commercials in this game are really expensive, SpongeBob.
:'''Squidward''': ''[scoffing]'' It's just the pre-game.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': You've got 26 seconds to tell me everything in this movie.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[saluting]'' Sir, yes sir! There's fast cars, flashbacks, [[Snoop Dogg]]...
:''[A crowd of fish gasps]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ... robots...
:''[SpongeBob rips his pants and gets excited]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ... a wise sage...
:'''Sage''': Hello!
:'''SpongeBob''': ...churros...
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[losing focus]'' Ohhh...
:'''SpongeBob''': ...the only thing missing is Gary.
:''[SpongeBob is screaming out in the open with lightning strikes in the background]''
:'''SpongeBob''': '''GARY!'''
:'''Patrick''': Let's go find him!
:'''SpongeBob''': Do I smell a road trip?
:'''Patrick''': That could be my breath!
:''[The title appears and read by the commercial's narrator]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Eh, that was money well spent!
:''[The Super Bowl spot ends]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': What's the next best thing to courage?
:'''SpongeBob''': Resolve?
:'''Patrick''': No.
:'''SpongeBob''': Fortitude?
:'''Patrick''': Nah.
:'''SpongeBob''': Commitment?
:'''Patrick''': Nope.
:'''SpongeBob''': Wherewithal?
:'''Patrick''': Mm-mm.
:'''SpongeBob''': Bravery?
:'''Patrick''': No.
:'''SpongeBob''': Valor.
:'''Patrick''': What?
:'''SpongeBob''': Grit?
:'''Patrick''': No.
:'''SpongeBob''': Heroism?
:'''Patrick''': Uh-uh.
:'''SpongeBob'''': Gallantry?
:'''Patrick''': Nah.
:'''SpongeBob''': Moxie.
:'''Patrick''': A buddy. A wingman.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': This is gonna be like one of those buddy movies. We're the buddies!
:'''SpongeBob''': Not sure that really applies, Patrick, but...
:'''Patrick''': Why not? We're two dudes setting out with a common goal. We'll argue about something dumb, fight and break up, only to come back together when we realize neither could do it without the other. It's simple, yet magical.
:'''SpongeBob''' Yeah. It feels more to me like the journey of a singular hero who against all odds, triumphs over adversity.
:'''Patrick''': ''[scoffing]'' I say buddy movie, and you say, oh, whatever that dumb thing you just said.
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, really? Dumb thing? I'm dumb? ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, I love your sense of irony, Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': ''[ironing a sweater]'' Thank you. I love my sense of ironing, too. Maybe if your head wasn't packed full of sand, ''you could have ironing!''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[angrily]'' Well, better a head full of sand than a head full of rocks, like yours!
:'''Patrick''': ''[furiously tearing off the sweater]'' That's it! Stop the car! ''[grabs Otto]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[grabbing Otto as well]'' Yeah! Stop the car, Otto!
:''[The boat screeches to a halt. SpongeBob and Patrick hurl through the air and land in a billboard. They pull themselves out and land on the ground]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[chuckling ruefully]'' Sorry, Patrick. Really, I... I shouldn't have said you have rocks in your head. 
:'''Patrick''': I shouldn't have said your brain was made of sand. That was mean, and dumb.
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay. Let's just forget it, huh?
:'''Patrick''': Never happened.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sage''': Beware, young seekers. All is distortion. If you aren't careful, the lost city will draw you into her fickle embrace, blind you with her dazzling distractions and tempt you with her fleeting games of chance. Whatever you do, don't be led astray, don't lose focus and don't forget why you came here.
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't forget. Good one.
:'''Patrick''': Thanks, Sage-meister. I think we got this.
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, Sage. I think you've been pretty good up until now, but I love Gary more than anything in the ''whoooooooooooolle'' world. And we came here to get him back.
:'''Sage''': Okay.
:'''SpongeBob''': I wouldn't worry about us losing any focus.
:'''Sage''': ''[full of dread]'' Oh, boy.  

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': What's up, Spongey-Dawg?
:'''SpongeBob''': I lost all my money!
:'''Patrick''': Me too!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SpongeBob''': Sage, buddy, could we please look into the Window of Meanwhile one more time to see where Gary is?
:'''Sage''': No. It's not an on-demand service. And especially not for people who pass out and sleep in their own vomit all night.
:'''Patrick''': ''[tasting his residue on the ground]'' It's not vomit. It's drool.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Patrick''': Buck up, SpongeBob. It's not over yet.
:'''SpongeBob''': It sure feels over. And ''crappy''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The gang peers out from a hiding place]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Do you think we should have stayed in there with Squidward?
:'''Patrick''': Nah, he's got it. 
:''[Clearly, Squidward has not got it. The octopus stumbles around inside the suit of armor]''
:'''Squidward''': Where is everybody?!
:'''Guard''': Charge! 
:''[The guards attack. Squidward staggers backwards into a pit of burning coals. The armor heats up. Squidward jumps up and clutches the armor's behind. The suit of armor slips on Patrick's food and falls out a window]''
:'''Patrick and Sandy''': Squidward! 
:''[The gang rush down a spiral staircase]''
:'''Sandy''': We've got you! Hold on! 
:''[As Squidward falls to the ground in the burning armor, the gang races outside with a trampoline to catch him. They dart this way and that with the trampoline. The armor crashes to the ground next to them]''
:'''Patrick''': Man down. 
:''[A chicken drumstick lands on the trampoline. A dazed Squidward emerges from the hole in the ground]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[sarcastically]'' Good... catch.

==Taglines==
* A Huge Journey to Find a Tiny Friend.
* They're not in Bikini Bottom anymore.
* This movie is going to be a total trip.

==Cast==
* [[Tom Kenny]] as [[w:SpongeBob SquarePants (character)|SpongeBob]] and [[w:List of SpongeBob SquarePants characters#Main characters|Gary]]
** [[w:Antonio Raul Corbo|Antonio Raul Corbo]] (young SpongeBob)

* [[Bill Fagerbakke]] as [[w:Patrick Star|Patrick]]
** [[w:Jack Gore (actor)|Jack Gore]] (young)

* [[Rodger Bumpass]] as [[w:Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
** Jason Maybaum (young)

* [[Clancy Brown]] as [[w:Mr. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]

* [[w:Carolyn Lawrence|Carolyn Lawrence]] as [[w:Sandy Cheeks|Sandy Cheeks]]
** Presley Williams (young)

* [[Mr. Lawrence|Doug Lawrence]] as [[w:Plankton and Karen|Plankton]]

* [[w:Jill Talley|Jill Talley]] as [[w:Plankton and Karen|Karen]]

* [[w:Mary Jo Catlett|Mary Jo Catlett]] as [[w:Mrs. Puff|Mrs. Puff]]

* [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] as [[w:Pearl Krabs|Pearl Krabs]]

* [[w:Matt Berry|Matt Berry]] as King Poseidon

* [[Awkwafina]] as Otto

* [[w:Tiffany Haddish|Tiffany Haddish]] as Master of Ceremonies

* [[Reggie Watts]] as Chancellor

===Live-action===
* [[Keanu Reeves]] as Sage
* [[Snoop Dogg]] as The Gambler
* [[Danny Trejo]] as El Diablo

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|4823776}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:SpongeBob Movie 3, The: Sponge on the Run}}
[[Category:2020 films]]
[[Category:2021 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Streaming films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon films]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]
[[Category:Animated films about fish]]
[[Category:Animated films about squirrels]]
[[Category:Summer camps in films]]
[[Category:Animated films about friendship]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tim Hill]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Liz Cheney</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:31:41Z</timestamp>
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        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>start a section — might do more here within a few days, but don’t have much time right now...</comment>
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      <text bytes="25037" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Liz Cheney official 116th Congress portrait.jpg|thumb|Find something you really love and make it your career. Don't let anyone discourage you or tell you it's not practical.]]
'''[[w:Liz Cheney|Elizabeth Lynne Cheney]]''' [[w:Help:IPA/English|(/ˈtʃeɪni/]]; born [[28 July]] [[1966]]) is an American attorney and politician who has been the [[w:U.S. representative|U.S. representative]] for [[w:Wyoming's at-large congressional district|Wyoming's at-large congressional district]] since 2017. She was [[w:Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs|Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs]] in the [[w:George W. Bush administration|George W. Bush administration]] and chaired the [[w:House Republican Conference|House Republican Conference]], the third-highest position in the House Republican leadership, from 2019 to 2021.

==Quotes==
[[File:AbuGhraibAbuse-standing-on-box.jpg|thumb|The U.S. does not [[torture]].]]
[[File:2021 United States Capitol VOA 1.jpg|thumb|[[Donald Trump|President Trump]] summoned the [[mob]], assembled the mob and [[2021 United States Capitol attack|lit the flame of this attack]].  … On the morning of January 6th, President Donald Trump's [[intention]] was to remain President of the United States, despite the lawful outcome of [[2020 United States presidential election|the 2020 election]], and in violation of his constitutional [[obligation]] to relinquish [[power]].]]
[[File:Cassidy Hutchinson (cropped).png|thumb| I want to begin by thanking [[w:Cassidy Hutchinson|Ms. Hutchison]] for her testimony today. We are all in her debt. [[United States|Our nation]] is preserved by those who abide by their [[oaths]] to [[United States Constitution|our Constitution]]. Our nation is preserved by those who know the fundamental [[difference]] between [[Righteousness|right]] and [[wrong]].]]

*Sometimes there is a tendency to talk about women as though we are a herd...women believe this or women want that.  But we very much vote on the issues depending on what's important.
** As quoted in &quot;New Bush Campaign Aims to Appeal to Women Voters&quot; by G. Robert Hillman, ''Dallas Morning News'' (12 May 2004)

*The U.S. does not torture; in fact, what holds up the release from Guantanamo is getting a guarantee from their governments that they won't be tortured. Guantanamo and prisons in Afghanistan are completely consistent with international obligations.  Just because the Geneva Convention might not technically apply does not mean that America does not treat people with the spirit of the convention. . . . While we are doing things militarily in the war on terror, we are also spreading hope and opportunity so that the young people do not become recruits for the terrorists.
** As quoted in &quot;Correcting Perceptions About America is My Job: Liz Cheney&quot; by Maha Akeel, ''Arab News'' (16 November 2005)]

*'''Find something you really love and make it your career.  Don't let anyone discourage you or tell you it's not practical.'''  I have loved the Middle East since I was a little girl.  I read my first book about ancient Egypt when I was 10, and I've been hooked ever since. . . I have been blessed to have had great, strong women mentors, beginning with my mother.  I have also met incredibly impressive women in the Arab world.  They are demonstrating enormous courage as they work to expand women's rights and human freedom in their countries.   I am inspired to work harder every time I spend time with them.
** As quoted in &quot;What I Learned: Whether they're running universities, political campaigns or major corporations, these 11 remarkable women have found their own ways of overcoming obstacles&quot; by Barbara Kantrowitz and Holly Peterson, ''Newsweek'' (October 15, 2007)

* It is incredible, but not surprising, that the Democrats would try to remove [[God]] from committee proceedings in one of their first acts in the majority. They really have become the party of [[Karl Marx]].
** As quoted in &quot;House democrats to strike 'so help me God' from oath&quot;, ''Breitbart News'' (29 January 2019)

*On January 6, 2021 a violent mob attacked the United States Capitol to obstruct the process of our democracy and stop the counting of presidential electoral votes. This insurrection caused injury, death and destruction in the most sacred space in our Republic.  .... The President of the United States summoned this mob, assembled the mob, and lit the flame of this attack. .... There has never been a greater betrayal by a President of the United States of his office and his oath to the Constitution. I will vote to impeach the President.
** As quoted in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2021/01/13/liz-cheney-explains-why-shes-voting-impeach-president-donald-trump/6652418002/ &quot;Read the statement from GOP Rep. Liz Cheney, chair of the House GOP Conference, on why she'll vote to impeach Donald Trump&quot; by Ledyard King, ''USA Today'' (13 January 2021)]

* The 2020 presidential election was not stolen. Anyone who claims it was is spreading THE BIG LIE, turning their back on the rule of law, and poisoning our democratic system.
** As quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/03/politics/liz-cheney-criticism-trump-big-lie/index.html &quot;Cheney calls out Trump's latest attempt to promote 'BIG LIE' amid criticism from within her own party, by Alex Rogers and Manu Raju (3 May 2021)]

* Mr. [[Bannon]]'s and Mr. [[Trump]]'s privilege arguments do appear to reveal one thing, however: they suggest that President Trump was personally involved in the planning and execution of [[January 6th]]
** As quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/20/politics/liz-cheney-trump-bannon-january-6/index.html &quot;Liz Cheney: Bannon refusal to cooperate suggests Trump was 'personally involved' in planning January 6&quot;, ''CNN'' (20 October 2021)]

* These text messages leave no doubt: The White House knew exactly [[2021 storming of the United States Capitol|what was happening]] here at the [[w:United States Capitol|Capitol]]
** As quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/13/politics/trump-jr-text-mark-meadows-january-6/index.html &quot;Donald Trump Jr. said his father needed to 'condemn' Capitol violence as it unfolded, Meadows' texts reveal&quot;, ''CNN'' (14 December 2021)]

* The Wyoming GOP, led by an [[w:Oath Keeper|Oath Keeper]] who was at the [[2021 United States Capitol attack|U.S. Capitol on Jan 6]] and advocates [[w:secession|secession]], rejected the vast majority of [[delegates]] from our two largest counties. Our state party is broken. Wyoming deserves better.
** [https://twitter.com/Liz_Cheney/status/1524105531950092290?cxt=HHwWhMC-gYD62qYqAAAA Tweet&lt;!-- (12:14 PM --&gt; (10 May 2022)]

* [[The House]] [[GOP]]  leadership has enabled [[white nationalism]], [[white supremacy]], and [[anti-semitism]]. '''History has taught us that what begins with words ends in far worse.''' @GOP leaders must renounce and reject these views and those who hold them.
** [https://twitter.com/Liz_Cheney/status/1526159124840558592?cxt=HHwWgMC9revogK4qAAAA tweet (16 May 2022)]

* Those who [[2021 United States Capitol attack|invaded our Capitol]] and battled law enforcement for hours were motivated by what [[Donald Trump|President Trump]] had told them — that the [[election]] was stolen, and that he was the rightful [[President of the United States|President]]. &lt;br /&gt; President Trump summoned the [[mob]], assembled the mob and lit the flame of this attack. You will also hear about plots to commit [[seditious]] [[conspiracy]] on January 6th, a [[crime]] [[defined]] in our [[laws]] as conspiring to overthrow, put down, or destroy by force the [[government]] of the [[United States]], or to [[oppose]] by [[force]] the [[authority]] thereof.  … On the morning of January 6th, President Donald Trump's [[intention]] was to remain President of the United States, despite the lawful outcome of [[2020 United States presidential election|the 2020 election]], and in violation of his constitutional [[obligation]] to relinquish [[power]]. &lt;br /&gt; Over multiple months, Donald Trump oversaw and coordinated a sophisticated seven-part [[plan]] to overturn the presidential election and prevent the transfer of presidential power. &lt;br /&gt; In our hearings, you will see [[evidence]] of each element of this plan.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--GZm_637xo Opening Statement as Vice Chair of the January 6 Select Committee of the House of Representatives, as broadcast on ''CNN'' (9 June 2022)] · [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/se/date/2022-06-09/segment/02 Transcript at ''CNN'']

* I would urge all of those watching today to focus on the evidence the committee will present. Don't be distracted by politics. This is serious. We cannot let America become a nation of conspiracy theories and thug violence. &lt;br /&gt; Finally I want to thank our witnesses today for all of your service to our country. &lt;br /&gt; Today America will learn about the selfless actions  of these men and women who acted honorably to uphold the law, protect our freedom and preserve our Constitution. Today Mr. Chairman we will all see an example of what truly makes America great.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KakS8YmwTc Opening Statement as Vice Chair of the 4th public hearing of the January 6 Select Committee of the House of Representatives, as broadcast on ''C-SPAN'' (21 June 2022)]

* I want to begin by thanking [[w:Cassidy Hutchinson|Ms. Hutchison]] for her testimony today. We are all in her debt. Our nation is preserved by those who abide by their oaths to our Constitution. Our nation is preserved by those who know the fundamental difference between right and wrong. I want all Americans to know that what Ms. Hutchison has done today is not easy. The easy course is too hide from the spotlight -- to refuse to come forward, to attempt to downplay or to deny what happened.
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?521387-1/sixth-hearing-investigation-capitol-attack Closing remarks in the 6th session of the January 6 Select Committee of the House of Representatives, as broadcast on ''C-SPAN'' (28 June 2022)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqFE9YtsWFg Clip of closing remarks on ''PBS'' at YouTube]

* Let me also say this to the little girls and the young [[women]] who are watching tonight: these days, for the most part, [[men]] are running the world and it is really not going that well
** '''[https://www.businessinsider.com/liz-cheney-men-running-the-world-not-going-that-well-reagan-library-2022-6 Liz Cheney says 'men are running the world and it is really not going that well' in Reagan Library speech]''' (June 29, 2022, in [[w:Simi Valley]], [[California]])

* Some Republicans are &quot;enabling&quot; former President Donald Trump’s &quot;lies,&quot;  they &quot;cannot both be loyal to Donald Trump and loyal to the Constitution.&quot;
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLAu2SnpFeg  Liz Cheney: Republicans Cannot Be Both Loyal To Trump And The Constitution] (Jun 30, 2022) [[Youtube]] video

*'''Karl''': Have these hearings gotten you closer to that goal -- making him toxic and not a viable candidate?&lt;br&gt;'''Liz Cheney''': That's not the goal of the hearings. It's crucial for the country to make sure that he's never anywhere near the Oval Office again. The goal of the hearings is to make sure that the American people understand what happened; to help inform legislation, legislative changes that we might need to make,&quot; she said. &quot;I think it's also the case that there's not a single thing that I have learned, as we have been involved in this investigation, that has made me less concerned. '''There's no question: A man as dangerous as Donald Trump can absolutely never be anywhere near the Oval Office ever again.'''
** ''This Week'' interview, as quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/prosecuting-trump-jan-fuel-graver-threat-liz-cheney/story?id=86132933 ''Not prosecuting Trump for Jan. 6 would fuel a 'much graver threat,' Liz Cheney says''] (3 July 2022)

*  At the very outset of our hearings, we described several elements of [[Donald Trump|President Trump]]'s multipart [[plan]] to overturn [[2020 United States presidential election|the 2020 election]]. Our hearings have now covered all but one of those elements, an organized campaign to [[persuade]] millions of Americans of a [[falsehood]] that the 2020 election was stolen by widespread fraud; a [[corrupt]] effort to pressure [[Mike Pence|Vice President Pence]] to refuse to count electoral votes; an effort to corrupt the US Department of Justice; efforts to pressure state election officials and legislators to [[change]] state election [[results]]; a scheme to create and submit fake electoral slates from multiple states. And today, you saw how President Trump summoned a [[mob]] to [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]] for January 6th, and then knowing that that mob was armed, [[2021 United States Capitol attack|directed that mob to the United States Capitol]]. Every one of these elements of the planning for January 6th is an independently serious matter. They were all ultimately focused on overturning the election, and they all have one other thing in common. &lt;br /&gt; Donald Trump participated in each, substantially and personally. He oversaw or directed the activity of those involved.
** Closing remarks of the seventh public hearing of the [[w:United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack|United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack]], as quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2022/07/12/1111123258/jan-6-committee-hearing-transcript &quot;Here's every word from the seventh Jan. 6 committee hearing on its investigation&quot;, ''NPR'' (12 July 2022)]

=== 8th public session of the US House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack (21 July 2022) ===
[[File:United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack Logo (Blue).png|thumb|[[Donald Trump|President Trump]] declared [[victory]] when his own campaign advisors told him he had absolutely no basis to do so. What the new [[Steve Bannon]] audio demonstrates is that Donald Trump’s plan to falsely claim victory in 2020 – no matter what the [[facts]] actually were – was premeditated. Perhaps worse, Donald Trump believed he could convince his voters to buy it, whether he had any actual [[evidence]] of fraud or not.]]
:&lt;small&gt; [[w:United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack|United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack]], as quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/read-full-remarks-rep-liz-cheney-delivers-closing-statement-prime-time-rcna39569 Full text at &quot;Rep. Liz Cheney delivers closing statement at prime-time Jan. 6 hearing&quot;, NBC News'' (22 July 2022)&lt;/small&gt; 

* Let me again thank our witnesses today. We have seen bravery and honor in these hearings, and Ms. Matthews and Mr. Pottinger, both of you will be remembered for that, as will Cassidy Hutchinson. She sat here alone, took the oath and testified before millions of Americans. She knew all along that she would be attacked by President Trump, and by the 50-, 60- and 70-year-old men who hide themselves behind executive privilege. But like our witnesses today, she has courage, and she did it anyway. Cassidy, Sarah and our other witnesses, including officer Caroline Edwards, Shaye Moss and her mother Ruby Freeman, are an inspiration to American women and to American girls. We owe a debt to all of those who have and will appear here.

* '''This committee has shown you the testimony of dozens of Republican witnesses, those who served President Trump loyally for years. The case against Donald Trump in these hearings is not made by witnesses who were his political enemies; it is instead a series of confessions by Donald Trump’s own appointees, his own friends, his own campaign officials, people who worked for him for years, and his own family.''' They have come forward and they have told the American people the truth. And for those of you who seem to think the evidence would be different if Republican Leader McCarthy had not withdrawn his nominees from this committee, let me ask you this: Do you really think Bill Barr is such a delicate flower that he would wilt under cross examination? Pat Cipillone? Eric Herschmann? Jeff Rosen? Richard Donoghue? Of course they aren’t. None of our witnesses are.

* '''President Trump declared victory when his own campaign advisors told him he had absolutely no basis to do so. What the new Steve Bannon audio demonstrates is that Donald Trump’s plan to falsely claim victory in 2020 – no matter what the [[facts]] actually were – was premeditated.''' Perhaps worse, Donald Trump believed he could convince his voters to buy it, whether he had any actual evidence of fraud or not. &lt;br /&gt; And this same thing continued to occur from Election Day onward until January 6th. '''Donald Trump was confident that he could convince his supporters that the election was stolen no matter how many lawsuits he lost, and he lost scores of them. He was told over and over again, in immense detail, that the election was not stolen, there was no evidence of widespread fraud.''' It didn’t matter. Donald Trump was confident he could persuade his supporters to believe whatever he said, no matter how outlandish, and ultimately that they could be summoned to Washington to help him remain president for another term. '''As we showed you last week, even President Trump’s legal team, led by [[Rudy Giuliani]], knew they had no actual evidence to demonstrate the election was stolen.''' Again, it didn’t matter.

* Here is the worst part: Donald Trump knows that millions of Americans who supported him would stand up and defend our nation were it threatened. They would put their lives and freedom at stake to protect her. And he is preying on their patriotism. He is preying on their sense of justice. And on January 6th, Donald Trump turned their love of country into a weapon against our Capitol and our Constitution. '''He has purposely created the false impression that America is threatened by a foreign force controlling voting machines, or that a wave of tens of millions of false ballots were secretly injected into our election system, or that ballot workers have secret thumb drives and are stealing elections with them. All complete nonsense. We must remember that we cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.'''

* '''In late November of 2020, while President Trump was still pursuing lawsuits, many of us were urging him to put any genuine evidence of fraud forward in the courts and to accept the outcome of those cases.''' As January 6th approached, I circulated a memo to my Republican colleagues explaining why our congressional proceedings to count electoral votes could not be used to change the outcome of the election. But what I did not know at the time was that President Trump’s own advisors, also Republicans, also conservatives, including his White House counsel, his Justice Department, his campaign officials, they were all telling him almost exactly the same thing I was telling my colleagues: '''There was no evidence of fraud or irregularities sufficient to change the election outcome.''' Our courts had ruled. It was over. '''Now we know that it didn’t matter what any of us said because Donald Trump wasn’t looking for the right answer legally or the right answer factually. He was looking for a way to remain in office.'''

* &lt;!-- Let’s put that aside for a moment and focus just on what we saw today. --&gt;'''In our hearing tonight, you saw an American president faced with a stark, unmistakable choice between right and wrong. There was no ambiguity, no nuance.''' Donald Trump made a purposeful choice to violate his oath of office, to ignore the ongoing violence against law enforcement, to threaten our Constitutional order. '''There is no way to excuse that behavior. It was indefensible.''' &lt;br /&gt; And every American must consider this: Can a president who is willing to make the choices Donald Trump made during the violence of January 6th ever be trusted with any position of authority in our great nation again?

* In this room, in 1918, the Committee on Woman Suffrage convened to discuss and debate whether women should be granted the right to vote. This room is full of history, and we on this committee know we have a solemn obligation not to idly squander what so many Americans have fought and died for. [[Ronald Reagan]]’s great ally, [[Margaret Thatcher]], said this: &quot;Let it never be said that the dedication of those who love freedom is less than the determination of those who would destroy it.&quot; &lt;br /&gt; Let me assure every one of you this: '''Our committee understands the gravity of this moment, the consequences for our nation.''' We have much work yet to do, and we will see you all in September.

==Quotes about Cheney==
* Protecting life is one of the most important responsibilities of elected officials and it’s something Liz takes very seriously. Unfortunately, the rights of the unborn are under attack by far-left advocates.  She’s proud to be a co-sponsor of the Born-Alive Survivors Protection Act, and enthusiastically signed a discharge petition to bring this legislation to the House floor for an up-or-down vote. Babies who are born after failed [[abortion]] attempts deserve every possible protection, and those unwilling to support legislation to do that are endorsing a policy tantamount to infanticide.
** [https://cheneyforwyoming.com/protecting-life/ Protecting Life] (Signed onto a letter to the House Appropriations Subcommittee on Labor, Health and Human Services, Education and Related Agencies (Labor-HHS)

* [[w:United States House of Representatives|Rep.]] Liz Cheney, daughter of [[Dick Cheney|Dick]], is trying to prolong her father's {{w|endless war}} [[War in Afghanistan (2001-present)|in Afghanistan]]. [...] [[w:Politics of Colorado|Colorado]]'s freshman [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] Rep. [[Jason Crow]] teamed up with [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] Rep. Liz Cheney to advance legislation that would make it more difficult for any [[President of the United States|president]] to [[w:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Afghanistan|draw down troop deployments]] in [[Afghanistan]]. I live in the same media market as Crow's district. I can tell you that [[w:Jason Crow#Elections|his 2018 campaign]] was focused on [[w:Jason Crow#Gun control|gun control]]. It was not a campaign promising voters that he would go to Washington to make common cause with Liz Cheney, and help her efforts to glorify and fortify her daddy's [[Foreign policy of the United States|policy]] of endless war. But that’s exactly what his bill does. [...] Cheney initiatives that may seem superficially reasonable when calmly uttered by a Cheney usually have an insane ulterior motive. In this case, that truism applies: The Crow-Cheney legislation may sound like it includes reasonable requests, but they are designed to make the Afghanistan deployment permanent. In practice, nobody can predict with 100 percent certainty what will ensue once a nineteen-year {{w|military occupation}} ends. What we can know is that it's a bad idea to continue a [[policy]] that isn't working — and there’s plenty of evidence that it isn’t.
** [[David Sirota]], in [https://www.jacobinmag.com/2020/07/afghanistan-war-liz-cheney-jason-crow &quot;Democrats Are Working With Liz Cheney to Prolong Dick Cheney’s Endless War&quot;], ''[[w:Jacobin (magazine)|Jacobin]]'' (3 July 2020)

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* {{Official website|http://www.cheneyforwyoming.com}}
* [http://bioguide.congress.gov/scripts/biodisplay.pl?index=C001109 Biography] at the ''{{w|Biographical Directory of the United States Congress}}''
* [https://www.votesmart.org/candidate/145932 Profile] at {{w|Vote Smart}}
* [https://www.fec.gov/data/candidate/S4WY00089 Financial information (federal office)] at the {{w|Federal Election Commission}}
* [https://www.congress.gov/member/liz-cheney/C001109 Legislation sponsored] at the {{w|Library of Congress}}
* [http://www.opensecrets.org/races/summary.php?id=WYS2&amp;cycle=2014 2014 Campaign contributions] at {{w|OpenSecrets.org}}
* [https://www.c-span.org/person/?lizperry Appearances] on {{w|C-SPAN}}

{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Cheney, Liz}}
[[Category:1966 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Lawyers from the United States]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Political commentators from the United States]]
[[Category:Methodists from the United States]]
[[Category:Cheney family|Liz]]
[[Category:People from Wisconsin]]
[[Category:People from Washington, D.C.]]
[[Category:People from Wyoming]]
[[Category:People from Virginia]]
[[Category:Political authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Members of the United States House of Representatives]]
[[Category:American women]]
[[Category:Women authors]]
[[Category:Women politicians]]
[[Category:Women in law]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13</title>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|1]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]] '''13''' ([[SpongeBob SquarePants|Main]]) | '''Movies''': [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years|Kamp Koral]] / [[The Patrick Star Show]]
----
&lt;br&gt;
'''''[[w:SpongeBob_SquarePants|SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games.

==Episode 1==

===''A Place for Pets (1.1)''===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Squidward?
:'''Squidward''': Yes, Mr.- '''''achoo!''' Krabs?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Why don't all these new pets have patties in front of them, I'm running a business, not a showdown.

===''Lockdown for Love (1.2)''===
:'''Karen''': Ah, I'm floating on air! A balloon ride, a candle-light dinner, and our wedding song is playing! Oh, this day is perfect.
:'''Plankton''': No, you're perfect, Karen. You're the best computer wife a copepod ever could have! [types on keyboard] Bon-bon?
:'''Karen''': Oh, I shouldn't.

==Episode 2==

===''Under the Small Top (2.1)'' ===
:'''SpongeBob''': I Sent this for me yesterday, and i'm still waiting.
:'''Announcer''': Bummer, Dude! 
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Announcer''': Bummer Dude action figures, they're miserable. [SpongeBob Turns off the TV]
:'''Mailman''': Hey, hey, hey spongebob, got a buncha great stuff for you today [holds up a catalog] The New &quot;Spatula Emporium&quot; Catalog
:'''SpongeBob''': No
:'''Mailman''': [Holds up a Check] Free Money from the sweepstakes you won.
:'''SpongeBob''': [Tears off a check] No.
:'''Mailman''': [Holds up a letter] A Letter from your family?
:'''SpongeBob''': [eats it up] No, how about packages, do you have any packages for me?
:'''Mailman''': Nope, No Packages, Sorry to Disappoint You, SpongeBob.

===''Squidward's Sick Daze (2.2)''===
:'''SpongeBob''': '''''ACUTE SPOTTING SCLOROBITIS?!'''

==Episode 3==

===''Goofy Scoopers (3.1)''===
:'''French Narrator''': Zee Next Morning
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Goofy Goober Manager''': The Goofy Scoopers are Over, They're Just Too Fashioned, The Kids Want a New Sound.
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''''' A NEW SOUND?!'''
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Goofy Goober Manager''': Say Hello to DJ 2 Sc00pz!
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, Stop with all of this Womps-Womps and Wups-Wups!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Clem''': Get me out of this crazy circus, i'm terrified of clowns [a scary clown appears when he opens a tent]

===''Pat the Dog (3.2)''===

:'''Marvin''': Say Hello to &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;BUTCHER!&lt;/span&gt;

==Episode 4==

===''Something Narwhal This Way Comes (4.1)''===
:'''Patrick''': Hurry it up, other people need to use the whirlpool bathtub.
&lt;hr width50%&gt;
:''[Narlene Crafts A Wooden Toothpick]
:'''Narlene''':Yeah [Nobby Crafts A Wooden Turkey On A Plate]
:'''Nobby''': Ah, Thanksgiving. [SpongeBob Turns himself into a banjo, he plays himselfs and chases squidward away]
&lt;hr width50%&gt;
:'''Narlene''': What's the Bad News?

===''C.H.U.M.S (4.2)''===
:'''Plankton''': Today your Formula, Tommorow the World!

==''SpongeBob's Road To Christmas'' (Episode 5)==
:'''SpongeBob''': [Chuckles] Look at That, Gary. It's the Present I Left For Santa Last Christmas, Isn't That Nice? '''''THE PRESENT I LEFT FOR SANTA LAST CHRISTMAS?!''': He Never Got it, Oh... My Present is to Santa 212 Days Late. [Crying] Late, It's a Tradegy. I Can't Go On, [Crying] Nope, I'll Go On, BUT I CAN'T GO ON! [Continues Crying]

==Episode 6==

===''There Will Be Grease! (6.1)''===

:'''Sandy''': Well, I Do Like Breathing, I'll Take the Whole Case!

===''Potato Puff (6.2)''===
:'''SpongeBob''': See You Tommorow, Mrs. Puff!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Where is That Music Coming From?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Now i Can Catch up On my Stories
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Mrs. Puff''': [She Looks at the Window, Bikini Bottom Is Destroyed and Caught on Fire, the Anchor, the lighthouse, the Helicopter All Go Down, Cuts Back to Mrs.Puff] Um, SpongeBob? GAH, Hello?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Baby''': I'm Getting To Old For This... [He Carries Her Parents and Rube While The Thugs Crash into the Dynamite Factory]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:''[A Potato is Cutted and Peeled off, cut in half, splats through the wall, the wig lands on it, the gravy truck gets knocked over, and it is covered on it, spongebob gets off the seat]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Mrs. Puff, You've Been Mashed! [Cries in Hysteric, Takes his eyes out, blows them and puts them back, continues wailing, but then mrs. puff returned]

==Episode 7==

===''The Big Bad Bubble Bass (7.1)''===
:'''Bubble Bass''': ScumBob, Putrick, You Blithering Fools Better Hand me Over Pigulon Right Now, Or I'll Chug, I'll Glug, And I'll Belch Your House Down!
:'''Patrick''': [Holding up Pigulon] Nobody's Home!
:'''Bubble Bass''': [Holds Up a Bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola] Time For Some Fizz Bomb Burp Fuel! [He Drinks Some Soda, Then Belches SpongeBob's Pineapple Down, But Gary Falls Down While SpongeBob And Patrick Ran Away to The Rock]

===''Sea-Man Sponge Haters Club (7.2)''===

:'''Mrs.Puff''': Where are we Gonna Finish our Club Meeting Now?

==Episode 8==

===''Food PBBFT! Truck (8.1)''===

:'''Bert''': I Can't Understand your Accent [Raspberry]

===''Upturn Girls (8.2)''===

:'''Pearl''': Narlene, That's Lady Upturn!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Narlene''': Well, if the Shoe fits.

==Episode 9==

===''Say 'Awww!' (9.1)''===

:'''Everyone''': [chanting] eat him, eat him! 
:'''SpongeBob''': I---Oh, I Know, I'll try the soothing power of music, [holds up a guitar] Ohhh.... [string plucks] Oh, rats... [the QT-P1 Robot transforms and roars at spongebob and eats him]
:'''Everyone''': Yay, you did it boy! woo-hoo!
:'''SpongeBob''': [Everyone Cheer For Him] A Suprise Party for Me?
:'''Plankton''': [he gets off of spongebob] this isn't a party, you boob.
:'''SpongeBob''': [he gets up] Well, Why did everyone cheer for me because i showed up?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Because with you, we can finally reach. ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN PEOPLE! [everyone forms up while spongebob is on top of patrick star] 
:'''All''':: Oh, Oh, Whoa, Whoa, What's Going On? [Plankton Holds up everyone as spongebob reaches the uvula, the monster screeches and spits everyone back out]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Plankton''': What do you mean i'm too short to ride this ride? I BUILT THIS!
:'''Manager''': Sorry, Buddy, rules is rules even for an adorable little guy like you.
:'''Plankton''': Real Cute.

===''Patrick The Mailman (9.2)''===

:'''Patrick''': I'm a Mailman Now! [Laughs]
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow! I've always wanted to be a mailman. It's like getting to be santa everyday, except sundays.
:'''Patrick''': Sorry, SpongeBob. But i'm the mailman now. 
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Okay
:'''Patrick''': But you can be my postal pal!
:'''SpongeBob''': Whee! Oh, Ah! [He Wears a Mailman Hat]
:'''Patrick''': Let's Get Mailing!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Can i Help You?
:'''Both''': SPECIAL DELEIVERY!!!
:'''Kevin''': I Don't Want It!
:'''SpongeBob''': Maybe we should just move on to the next house.
:'''Patrick''': Pfft, No. I Am a Mailman, like the postal oath say, neither bunions or onions nor ditches or dangers will stop me from giving stuff to strangers.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kevin''': It's July!
:'''Patrick''': Just take a letter
:'''Kevin''': ''''&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;I DON'T WANT IT!!!'''
:'''Patrick''': &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;Neither Onions or Bonions!!&lt;/span&gt; [He And Kevin Scream] Huh, Ooh... [He Eats up a Pie] Take Your Mail!!!
:'''Kevin''':HEY! [He and Patrick got into a dust cloud brawl]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[At the Bikini Bottom Jail]''
:'''Mailman''': [Holds up A Big Envelope with spongebob and patrick inside] Here's today's mail, warden.
:'''Both''': Special Deleivery [laughs at the end of the episode]

==Episode 10==

===''Captain Pipsqueak (10.1)''===

===''Plane To Sea (10.2)''===

==Episode 11==

===''Squidferatu (11.1)''===

===''Slappy Days (11.2)''===

==Episode 12==

===''TBA (12.1)''===

===''TBA (12.2)''===

==Episode 13==

===''TBA (13.1)''===

===''TBA (13.2)''===

==TBA==

===''Pineapple Panic!''===

===''The Krusty House''===

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants (season 13)}}
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]</text>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|1]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]] '''13''' ([[SpongeBob SquarePants|Main]]) | '''Movies''': [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]] / [[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years|Kamp Koral]] / [[The Patrick Star Show]]
----
&lt;br&gt;
'''''[[w:SpongeBob_SquarePants|SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games.

==Episode 1==

===''A Place for Pets (1.1)''===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Squidward?
:'''Squidward''': Yes, Mr.- '''''achoo!''' Krabs?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Why don't all these new pets have patties in front of them, I'm running a business, not a showdown.

===''Lockdown for Love (1.2)''===
:'''Karen''': Ah, I'm floating on air! A balloon ride, a candle-light dinner, and our wedding song is playing! Oh, this day is perfect.
:'''Plankton''': No, you're perfect, Karen. You're the best computer wife a copepod ever could have! [types on keyboard] Bon-bon?
:'''Karen''': Oh, I shouldn't.

==Episode 2==

===''Under the Small Top (2.1)'' ===
:'''SpongeBob''': I Sent this for me yesterday, and i'm still waiting.
:'''Announcer''': Bummer, Dude! 
:'''SpongeBob''': What?
:'''Announcer''': Bummer Dude action figures, they're miserable. [SpongeBob Turns off the TV]
:'''Mailman''': Hey, hey, hey spongebob, got a buncha great stuff for you today [holds up a catalog] The New &quot;Spatula Emporium&quot; Catalog
:'''SpongeBob''': No
:'''Mailman''': [Holds up a Check] Free Money from the sweepstakes you won.
:'''SpongeBob''': [Tears off a check] No.
:'''Mailman''': [Holds up a letter] A Letter from your family?
:'''SpongeBob''': [eats it up] No, how about packages, do you have any packages for me?
:'''Mailman''': Nope, No Packages, Sorry to Disappoint You, SpongeBob.

===''Squidward's Sick Daze (2.2)''===
:'''SpongeBob''': '''''ACUTE SPOTTING SCLOROBITIS?!'''

==Episode 3==

===''Goofy Scoopers (3.1)''===
:'''French Narrator''': Zee Next Morning
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Goofy Goober Manager''': The Goofy Scoopers are Over, They're Just Too Fashioned, The Kids Want a New Sound.
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''''' A NEW SOUND?!'''
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Goofy Goober Manager''': Say Hello to DJ 2 Sc00pz!
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, Stop with all of this Womps-Womps and Wups-Wups!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Clem''': Get me out of this crazy circus, i'm terrified of clowns [a scary clown appears when he opens a tent]

===''Pat the Dog (3.2)''===

:'''Marvin''': Say Hello to &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;BUTCHER!&lt;/span&gt;

==Episode 4==

===''Something Narwhal This Way Comes (4.1)''===
:'''Patrick''': Hurry it up, other people need to use the whirlpool bathtub.
&lt;hr width50%&gt;
:''[Narlene Crafts A Wooden Toothpick]
:'''Narlene''':Yeah [Nobby Crafts A Wooden Turkey On A Plate]
:'''Nobby''': Ah, Thanksgiving. [SpongeBob Turns himself into a banjo, he plays himselfs and chases squidward away]
&lt;hr width50%&gt;
:'''Narlene''': What's the Bad News?

===''C.H.U.M.S (4.2)''===
:'''Plankton''': Today your Formula, Tommorow the World!

==''SpongeBob's Road To Christmas'' (Episode 5)==
:'''SpongeBob''': [Chuckles] Look at That, Gary. It's the Present I Left For Santa Last Christmas, Isn't That Nice? '''''THE PRESENT I LEFT FOR SANTA LAST CHRISTMAS?!''': He Never Got it, Oh... My Present is to Santa 212 Days Late. [Crying] Late, It's a Tradegy. I Can't Go On, [Crying] Nope, I'll Go On, BUT I CAN'T GO ON! [Continues Crying]

==Episode 6==

===''There Will Be Grease! (6.1)''===

:'''Sandy''': Well, I Do Like Breathing, I'll Take the Whole Case!

===''Potato Puff (6.2)''===
:'''SpongeBob''': See You Tommorow, Mrs. Puff!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Where is That Music Coming From?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Now i Can Catch up On my Stories
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Mrs. Puff''': [She Looks at the Window, Bikini Bottom Is Destroyed and Caught on Fire, the Anchor, the lighthouse, the Helicopter All Go Down, Cuts Back to Mrs.Puff] Um, SpongeBob? GAH, Hello?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Baby''': I'm Getting To Old For This... [He Carries Her Parents and Rube While The Thugs Crash into the Dynamite Factory]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:''[A Potato is Cutted and Peeled off, cut in half, splats through the wall, the wig lands on it, the gravy truck gets knocked over, and it is covered on it, spongebob gets off the seat]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Mrs. Puff, You've Been Mashed! [Cries in Hysteric, Takes his eyes out, blows them and puts them back, continues wailing, but then mrs. puff returned]

==Episode 7==

===''The Big Bad Bubble Bass (7.1)''===
:'''Bubble Bass''': ScumBob, Putrick, You Blithering Fools Better Hand me Over Pigulon Right Now, Or I'll Chug, I'll Glug, And I'll Belch Your House Down!
:'''Patrick''': [Holding up Pigulon] Nobody's Home!
:'''Bubble Bass''': [Holds Up a Bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola] Time For Some Fizz Bomb Burp Fuel! [He Drinks Some Soda, Then Belches SpongeBob's Pineapple Down, But Gary Falls Down While SpongeBob And Patrick Ran Away to The Rock]

===''Sea-Man Sponge Haters Club (7.2)''===

:'''Mrs.Puff''': Where are we Gonna Finish our Club Meeting Now?

==Episode 8==

===''Food PBBFT! Truck (8.1)''===

:'''Bert''': I Can't Understand your Accent [Raspberry]

===''Upturn Girls (8.2)''===

:'''Pearl''': Narlene, That's Lady Upturn!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:'''Narlene''': Well, if the Shoe fits.

==Episode 9==

===''Say 'Awww!' (9.1)''===

:'''Everyone''': [chanting] eat him, eat him! 
:'''SpongeBob''': I---Oh, I Know, I'll try the soothing power of music, [holds up a guitar] Ohhh.... [string plucks] Oh, rats... [the QT-P1 Robot transforms and roars at spongebob and eats him]
:'''Everyone''': Yay, you did it boy! woo-hoo!
:'''SpongeBob''': [Everyone Cheer For Him] A Suprise Party for Me?
:'''Plankton''': [he gets off of spongebob] this isn't a party, you boob.
:'''SpongeBob''': [he gets up] Well, Why did everyone cheer for me because i showed up?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Because with you, we can finally reach. ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN PEOPLE! [everyone forms up while spongebob is on top of patrick star] 
:'''All''':: Oh, Oh, Whoa, Whoa, What's Going On? [Plankton Holds up everyone as spongebob reaches the uvula, the monster screeches and spits everyone back out]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Plankton''': What do you mean i'm too short to ride this ride? I BUILT THIS!
:'''Manager''': Sorry, Buddy, rules is rules even for an adorable little guy like you.
:'''Plankton''': Real Cute.

===''Patrick The Mailman (9.2)''===

:'''Patrick''': I'm a Mailman Now! [Laughs]
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow! I've always wanted to be a mailman. It's like getting to be santa everyday, except sundays.
:'''Patrick''': Sorry, SpongeBob. But i'm the mailman now. 
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Okay
:'''Patrick''': But you can be my postal pal!
:'''SpongeBob''': Whee! Oh, Ah! [He Wears a Mailman Hat]
:'''Patrick''': Let's Get Mailing!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Can i Help You?
:'''Both''': SPECIAL DELEIVERY!!!
:'''Kevin''': I Don't Want It!
:'''SpongeBob''': Maybe we should just move on to the next house.
:'''Patrick''': Pfft, No. I Am a Mailman, like the postal oath say, neither bunions or onions nor ditches or dangers will stop me from giving stuff to strangers.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kevin''': It's July!
:'''Patrick''': Just take a letter
:'''Kevin''': ''''&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;I DON'T WANT IT!!!'''
:'''Patrick''': &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;Neither Onions or Bonions!!&lt;/span&gt; [He And Kevin Scream] Huh, Ooh... [He Eats up a Pie] Take Your Mail!!!
:'''Kevin''':HEY! [He and Patrick got into a dust cloud brawl]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[At the Bikini Bottom Jail]''
:'''Mailman''': [Holds up A Big Envelope with spongebob and patrick inside] Here's today's mail, warden.
:'''Both''': Special Deleivery [laughs at the end of the episode]

==Episode 10==

===''Captain Pipsqueak (10.1)''===

===''Plane To Sea (10.2)''===

==Episode 11==

===''Squidferatu (11.1)''===

===''Slappy Days (11.2)''===

==Episode 12==

===''TBA (12.1)''===

===''TBA (12.2)''===

==Episode 13==

===''TBQ (13.1)''===

===''TBA (13.2)''===

==Episode 14==

===''The Salty Sponge (14.1)''===

===''Karen For Spot (14.2)''===

==TBA==

===''Pineapple Panic!''===

===''The Krusty House''===

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants (season 13)}}
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]</text>
      <sha1>ora7fyjvvqz6s69j7dk9e6bf2rpzck8</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>What If...?</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>240155</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146012</id>
      <parentid>3145944</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:48:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2001:D08:2083:6BE:1:0:9F16:88CA</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* What If... Ultron Won? */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="34346" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:What If...? (TV series)|What If...?]]''''' is an animated [[w:Anthology series|anthology series]] on the streaming service [[w:Disney+|Disney+]]. It is based on the [[w:Marvel Comics|Marvel Comics]] series [[w:What If (comics)|of the same name]], but focuses on events within the [[w:List of Marvel Cinematic Universe films|Marvel Cinematic Universe films]] (MCU). The series explores various alternate timelines from the MCU in which major moments occur differently. 

==Season 1==

&lt;center&gt;
'''Introduction:'''&lt;br/&gt;'' '''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Watcher|The Watcher]]''': Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility. Where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am the Watcher. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me and ponder the question... &quot;What if?&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;

===[[w:What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?|What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?]]===
:''[Peggy is beating a punching bag as Steve, who is balancing himself on two walking bars, looks on. Peggy keeps beating the bag until the force of her punch causes it to detach from the chain and fly against the wall.]''
:'''[[w:Steve Rogers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Steve Rogers]]''': Nice left hook.
:'''[[w:Peggy Carter (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peggy Carter]]''': Not according to Col. Flynn&amp;ndash; ''[Uses her foot to flip a dumbbell disc into her hand]'' &amp;ndash;that weapons-grade moron! ''[Throws the disc against the wall next to other dumbbell discs that were already lodged against it]'' If only I was allowed to do that to Hitler's head.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Well, it could be worse. Flynn could stick your on one of those USO tours. Wear a crazy costume, being told to smile ten times a day.
:'''Peggy Carter''': He wouldn't. He couldn't. Could he?
:''[Steve shrugs before he and Peggy look out the window to see the soldiers marching.]''
:'''Steve Rogers''': Bucky. He's a buddy of mine from Brooklyn. He just deployed with the 107th. The army won't even tell me where he's going.
:'''Peggy Carter''': We all have someone fighting for us. Would be nice if we could fight for them. I'm sorry. You were meant to be the one to end the war.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Now you will. And don't worry about me. I never was much of a dancer anyway.
:'''Peggy Carter''': Maybe you haven't found the right partner.
:''[Steve and Peggy smile at each other.]''

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Puts down the Tesseract on Flynn's desk]'' The war's out there, Colonel, not in here. If we're going to win, it won't be with me stuck behind a desk.
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Is this nuclear?
:'''Captain Carter''': Are you listening?
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Looks up at Peggy]'' You're an agent. You're not qualified for field duty.
:'''Captain Carter''': Then you better promote me. &quot;Captain&quot; has a nice ring to it. ''[To Howard]'' I trust you know what to do with that. ''[Walks away]''
:'''Howard Stark''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Oh, I know exactly what to do with this.

----
:'''Steve Rogers''': ''[wearing an armored battle suit resembling the [[w:Iron Man's armor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#List of armors|Iron Man Mark I]] armor]'' Stark made me some new dancing shoes. What do you think?
:'''Captain Carter''': Well, then we better start dancing.

----
:'''Steve''': Okay. Okay, I gotta ask. How did it feel?
:'''Peggy''': What, to get the serum? Honest truth, not as different as you might think. 
:'''Steve''': Well, you've always been a fighter. In a way, the outside finally matches the inside. 
:'''Peggy''': The way people view me has changed. I'm no longer screaming to be heard, to be seen, to be in the room.
:'''Steve''': To be respected. ''[awkwardly takes a drink]'' Must be nice. I'm still that skinny kid from Brooklyn, now just in a big metal suit.
:'''Peggy''': You're more than the suit. The suit is nothing without the man inside it. ''[puts her hand on top of Steve's]'' You're my hero, Steve. ''[awkwardly removes her hand]'' I mean, you're ''a'' hero.
:'''Steve''': ''[chuckles]'' Hmm. You're my hero, too.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[battling an interdimensional creature while Howard struggles to decipher controls written in German]'' Don't tell me the American playboy needs help pushing buttons.
:'''[[w:Howard Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard Stark]]''': [[w:Hedy Lamarr|Hedy Lamarr]] and I spent a weekend together, but she wasn't teaching me German!

===[[w:What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?|What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?]]===
:'''[[w:Korath the Pursuer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Korath the Pursuer]]''': Who are you? Identify yourself!
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#Alternate version|Star-Lord T'Challa]]''': Who, me? I am just an ordinary junker. But there ''is'' one name you may know me by. ''[unmasks and steps into the light, revealing his face]''
:'''Korath''': ''[stammers]'' Oh, my... ''Star-Lord!'' I'm a ''huge'' fan of your work! What are you doing here?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': That was not the reaction I was expecting.

----
:'''Korath''': ''[to T'Challa]'' How exactly did you stop Thanos, the Mad Titan, from decimating half the universe? 
:''[A large purple arm goes across Korath's shoulders.]'' 
:'''Korath''': ''[scared]'' Oh no.
:'''[[w:Thanos (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thanos]]''': I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong. T'Challa here showed me there was more than one way to reallocate the universe's resources. 
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Sometimes the best weapon in your arsenal is just a good argument.
:'''Thanos''': Aye, aye, commander. Although I still assert [[w:Avengers: Infinity War|my plan]] was not without its merits.
:''[Everyone groans and scoffs.]''
:'''[[w:Kraglin Obfonteri (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Kraglin Obfonteri]]''': Pretty sure it's still just genocide, big guy.
:'''Thanos''': And I'm pretty sure it's efficient.

----
:''[T'Challa is listening to the broadcast message of the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:T'Chaka (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Chaka]]''': ''[as a hologram]'' &quot;My son, T'Challa, Crown Prince of [[w:Wakanda|Wakanda]], was abducted from Earth by an alien spacecraft. If you have any information regarding his whereabouts, we ask that you respond to this homing beacon. And T'Challa,...&quot;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': ''Baba'' (&quot;Father&quot;).
:'''T'Chaka''': &quot;... if you are out there, you're one bright burning light in the night sky of billions. And we will search every last one of them until we find you, on this plane or the next.&quot;

----
:''[T'Challa, Yondu, and Cosmo are flying in the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:Nebula (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nebula]]''': ''[Via hologram]'' All crew members present and accounted for by some miracle.
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Then I will see you at the rendezvous.
:'''Nebula''': ''[Via hologram]'' Copy that, Cha-Cha. ''[The hologram turns off]''
:''[Cosmo licks T'Challa as Yondu approaches them.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Yondu Udonta|Yondu Udonta]]''': Looks like we've got a stowaway. ''[Sits down]''
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': You always did have a soft spot for runaways.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Look, uh, T'Challa, I just wanted to say&amp;ndash;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': There's no need. I was the one who told you I wanted to see the world. All you did was show me the universe.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Oh, yeah. She really is a beaut, isn't she?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': I've always felt at home up here. But now, knowing everything, I'm not quite sure where I belong.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Seen a lot of space travelers in my day, kid. And if I learned anything from watching you, on any planet, among any people, there ain't no place in this galaxy where you don't belong. ''[Brings up a hologram of Earth]'' Where you wanna be, that's the question, isn't it? You're just gonna have to follow your heart on that one, Mr. Star-Lord.
:''[T'Challa looks at Earth with a look of fondness.]''

----
:''[Peter is listening to music and mopping the floor when he notices Ego behind him.]''
:'''[[w:Peter Quill (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Quill]]''': ''[Removes his headphones]'' Uh, sorry, we're closed.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Ego|Ego the Living Planet]]''': What, Peter? Can't spare a little time for dear old Dad? ''[His eyes glow]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Closing narration]'' Too bad this might spell the end of the world, but that's a story for another day.

----
:::'''''Closing credits tribute''': &quot;Dedicated to our friend, our inspiration, and our hero Chadwick Boseman.&quot;''

===[[w:What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?|What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?]]===
:'''[[w:Nick Fury (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nick Fury]]''': ''[answering a cell call from Natasha]'' I'm a little busy here, Widow.
:'''[[w:Natasha Romanoff (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Natasha Romanoff]]:''' Oh, good. We'll start a support group. I've got [[w:Thaddeus Ross (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|General Ross]], a dozen snipers and a few tanks. What are ''you'' dealing with?
:'''Fury''': [[w:Asgard (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Space Vikings]].
:'''Natasha:''' Showoff.

----
:''[Loki is still attacking the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents with the casket.]''
:'''Nick Fury''': Declaring war on this planet will not bring your prince back!
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Sif|Sif]]''': ''[Stops Loki]'' Wait. He's not wrong. The All-Father would want us to listen.
:'''Nick Fury''': We have the same enemy here. The person who killed your brother also killed two of my people. Good people. We should be working together.
:'''[[w:Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Loki]]''': We are not allies.
:'''Nick Fury''': Then let me help you. I promise, when I find your brother's killer, you will have your pound of flesh.
:'''Loki''': ''[Takes the staff that a member of the Einherjar has handed him]'' What a fascinating choice of words. But I shall require the entire corpse.
:'''Nick Fury''': You need to give me time.
:'''Loki''': ''[Glances at the sun, then turns back to Fury]'' Very well. You have until the next rise of Midgard's sun to deliver my brother's assassin, or I will reduce this planet to ash and ice.

----
:'''[[w:Phil Coulson|Phil Coulson]]''': ''[nervously]'' Why do you need ''my'' password?
:'''Natasha:''' ''[sighs]'' I need to get into the Avengers Initiative files, but I'm locked out of the system. And wanted for murder.
:'''Coulson''': I'm not telling you my password, Romanoff.
:'''Natasha:''' Why not?
:'''Coulson''': Because I'm not.
:'''Natasha:''' Coulson. Clint was your friend, too.
:'''Coulson''': ''#SteveSteveSteveIHeartSteve0704''.
:'''Natasha:''' Wow. Good one, Coulson.
:'''Coulson''': What?
:'''Natasha:''' No, nothing. That's great. Thank you.

----
:''[Natasha hears someone behind her.]''
:'''Natasha''': You won't win. ''[Stands up and turns to face the person]'' Not against me. Not against S.H.I.E.L.D.
:''[Natasha gets thrown around repeatedly, dropping her phone in the process.]''
:'''Nick Fury's voicemail''': You found me. You know what to do.
:''[Natasha keeps getting thrown around until she is thrown up the ceiling, then falls on the floor.]''
:'''Natasha''': ''[Crawls towards her phone]'' Fury, it's Hope! It's all about Hope! ''[Gets dragged into the darkness]''

----
:'''Loki''': ''[addressing a subjugated Earth from the [[w:United Nations Headquarters|United Nations Headquarters]]]'' Good evening, my loyal subjects. It is with great pride that I stand before you today to announce that in just one day's time, the nations of Earth have put aside their differences and united under my command. It's the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom hobbles you, diminishes your life's joy. You were ''made'' to be ''ruled''. So I have come... to help you fulfill... your destiny.

----
:'''Coulson''': The Avengers fell before they had a chance to rise. May they rest in peace.
:'''Fury''': ''They'' can. But we won't. The Avengers were ''always'' meant to be more than a team. They were an idea, the affirmation of humanity's need to believe that in our darkest hour, we will find our heroes.

===[[w:What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?|What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?]]===
:'''O'Bengh''': Is ''she'' worth the pain? ''[off Strange's look]'' A man does not suffer like this for his own glory.
:'''[[w:Stephen Strange (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Stephen Strange]]''': Every moment of it.
:'''O'Bengh''': There is a fine line between devotion and delusion. Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.
:'''Strange''': ''[sarcastically]'' Uh-huh. And in which book did you read that?
:'''O'Bengh''': ''[chuckles]'' No book, [[w:Armani|Armani]]. ''Life'' taught me.

----
:''[The Watcher observes Strange absorb the energies of ever-more-powerful mystical creatures.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both thinking out loud and narrating to the viewer]'' He's on the wrong path. I could warn him. Intervene. But the fate of ''his'' universe is not worth risking the safety of all others. Besides, I doubt he'd listen.
:'''Dr. Strange''': ''[hears the Watcher's voice, and looks around, but does not find him]'' Hello? Who's there?

----
:'''Dr. Strange''': The [[w:Ancient One (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ancient One]] warned us. If we save Christine, we destroy the world.
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[sighs]'' I told you, she doesn't understand. We ''love'' Christine. 
:'''Dr. Strange''': This isn't love. Look at this. ''[gestures at the decaying world]'' This is arrogance. This is our need to ''fix'' everything. It's what drove us to study the mystic arts in the first place.
:'''Strange Supreme''': And look where we are.
:'''Dr. Strange''': Deranged.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I will be whole again.
:'''Dr. Strange''': No. Your marbles are long gone.

----
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[as his universe falls apart,  Strange spots the Watcher in the shadows]'' You! You can stop this. Please, fix this.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[showing himself]'' The same way you fixed Christine?
:'''[[w:Christine Palmer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Christine Palmer]]''': What?
:'''Strange Supreme''': I was wrong. I...
:'''The Watcher''': You were warned.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I know. But the world! The world shouldn't pay for my arrogance. I read about you. Sensed your presence. You're a god. You can undo this.
:'''The Watcher''': I'm not a god. And neither are you.
:'''Strange Supreme''': Then punish me! Not the world, not Christine.
:'''The Watcher''': Honestly, if I could fix this, if I could punish you instead, I would. But I can't interfere. You, more than anyone else, should understand that meddling with time and events only leads to more destruction.

----
:''[Strange Supreme is holding Christine as she slowly starts to dissolve into black ooze.]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': Christine. Oh, no. I'm sorry.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Christine Palmer|Christine Palmer]]''': Stephen&amp;ndash; what did you do? ''[Finally dissolves into black ooze]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Devastated]'' No, no, no, no, no. ''[Holds his head and sobs]'' I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.

===[[w:What If... Zombies?!|What If... Zombies?!]]===
:'''[[w:Peter Parker (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Parker]]''': ''[Making an intro for a [[w:Zombie apocalypse|Zombie apocalypse]] orientation video]'' New York! Home of the [[w:New York Mets|Mets]], the [[w:Chrysler Building|Chrysler Building]], those ladies from ''[[w:Sex and the City|Sex and the City]]'', and now, the ''zombie apocalypse!!'' If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. But first, you have to not get eaten.

----
:''[While driving to Grand Central Terminal in a miniature van.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Happy Hogan|Happy Hogan]]''': Zombie-freakin'-apocalypse, and ''somehow'', I'm still driving.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Okoye|Okoye]]''': What is the problem? I thought you were an [[w:Uber|Uber driver]].
:'''Happy Hogan''': No. No, I'm a ''personal chauffeur''. There's a difference.
:''[A zombie appears before the van. Happy screams in fright, then slams his fist on a button, enlarging the van and making the zombie explode.]''
:'''Happy Hogan''': All right, everybody, it's Grand Central.

----
:''[The group enter the station.]''
:'''Okoye''': Hope, Banner, Parker, track seven. See if you can hot-wire the train.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Kurt|Kurt]]''': Sounds like job for criminal. I will help.
:'''Peter Parker''': Uh, splitting up? Do you guys just ''not have'' [[w:Horror film|horror movies]] in Wakanda?
:'''Okoye''': We don't need them. We have American [[w:Reality television|reality shows]].
:'''Kurt''': Boom goes the dynamite. That was solid burn on all of us.
:''[As Peter, Bruce, Hope, and Kurt go to hot-wire a train, Bucky, Okoye, Sharon, and Happy remain behind.]''
:'''Okoye''': The rest of us will stay here and guard the perimeter.
:''[Happy moves his hand up and down his arm as if he is reloading a gun.]''

----
:''[The train rides by as the Watcher looks on. Hope is lying on one of the seats with Bruce, Bucky, and Okoye by her side.]''
:'''[[w:Bruce Banner (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bruce Banner]]''': ''[Examines Hope's arm]'' Heart rate's elevated. Temperature's&amp;ndash; ''[Puts his hand on Hope's forehead]'' &amp;ndash;not going in the right direction.
:'''[[w:Hope van Dyne|Hope van Dyne]]''': Then we both know what you have to do.
:'''Okoye''': No. Not when we could minutes away from a cure.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Grunts in pain]'' Can we really take that risk?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Approaches Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye, to Hope]'' It's not risk. It's hope. And anyone who's seen a zombie movie knows that that's the key to survival. Plus, it's also your ''name'', and that's gotta mean something.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Oh, kid. How do you do it?
:'''Peter Parker''': See all these movies? AV club.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': No. No, how do you stay so&amp;ndash; upbeat, after everything?
:'''Peter Parker''': Practice, I guess. My mom, dad, [[w:Uncle Ben|Uncle Ben]], Mr. Stark. Now Happy. I've... I've lost a lot. But my [[w:Aunt May|Aunt May]] says&amp;ndash; ''used to'' say&amp;ndash; that if we don't keep smiling when they can't, then we might as well just be gone, too. And&amp;ndash; ''[Takes Hope's hand]'' Well, they'd want us to keep going.
:''[Bruce puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and gives him a reassuring look.]''
:'''Kurt''': ''[Enters]'' Guys, uh, bad news, team. The train has run out of fuel.
:'''Bruce Banner''': How far away are we from Camp Lehigh?
:'''Kurt''': Well, on the bright side, we are at least closer than we were.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Groans in pain]'' And the not-bright side?
:'''Kurt''': We're going to have to walk through that. ''[Points his thumb towards the window]''
:''[Peter, Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye look out the window to see a horde of zombies.]''
:'''[[w:Bucky Barnes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bucky Barnes]]''': Well, looks like out draft cards just got pulled.
:'''Okoye''': We will not make it through them.
:'''Hope van Dyne''' But you can make over them. ''[Stands up]''
:'''Peter Parker''': No, no. Hope, no.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Listen to me. We all know my time's up, okay? And if I have to go, I might as well go out fixing the mess I started.
:'''Bruce Banner''': Oh, come on, Hope. It's not your fault.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': I was so obsessed with bringing my mom back&amp;ndash; that I never considered what I might bring back with her. ''[To Peter]'' I started this, but you are gonna finish it.
:''[Peter nods with a look of determination.]''

----
:''[Peter, Scott, T'Challa, and the Cloak are flying to Wakanda. Peter sleeps on the windowsill. He wakes up to look at the sun as they fly over the ocean.]''
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Challa]]''': ETA, 20 minutes.
:'''[[w:Scott Lang (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Scott Lang]]''': Well, put another &quot;W&quot; on the board for the Avengers. ''[Notices that Peter and T'Challa aren't reacting]'' Go ahead, high-five. It's okay, I won't feel left out.
:'''T'Challa''': ''[To Peter]'' You all right?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Sighs]'' Last year, Mr. Stark asked me to join the Avengers. I turned him down, and now, they're all gone. And I'm still here.
:'''T'Challa''': In my culture, death is not the end. They are still with us, as long as we do not forget them.
:'''Scott Lang''': Plus, they're not all gone. Me. You still have me.
:'''Peter Parker''': Oh. I'm so sor&amp;ndash; I-I forgot. You are an Avenger.
:'''Scott Lang''': Totally. Big time. Well, maybe not officially. But, you know, at heart.
:'''T'Challa''': Good. The world could use a little heart right now.
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Holding the Mind Stone]'' And once we get this to Wakanda, we're gonna save the world.
:''[The four continue flying to Wakanda.]''

===[[w:What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?|What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?]]===
:'''[[w:Happy Hogan (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Happy Hogan]]''': ''[After knocking out Stane]'' Ah, I never liked that guy.

----
:'''[[w:Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Tony Stark]]''': I owe it all to you. And that's why I want you by my side 24-7 as my new COO.
:'''[[w:Pepper Potts (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Pepper Potts]]''': Wait. You're giving him [[w:Obadiah Stane (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Obadiah]]'s job?
:'''[[w:Killmonger (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Erik &quot;Killmonger&quot; Stevens]]''': Yeah, I-I dunno, Mr. Stark. I think I'm more of a soldier.
:'''Stark''': Which is why it's perfect. You. Me. We'll be like [[w:Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid|Butch and Sundance]].
:'''Pepper''': They ''died'' at the end, Tony.
:'''Stark''': Okay, bad example.

----
:'''Pepper''': [[w:Ulysses Klaue (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Ulysses Klaue]]? No, Tony. Absolutely not.
:'''Stark''': I'm sorry, are you allowed to say that to people in my tax bracket?

----
:'''[[w:James Rhodes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes]]''': ''[Weak from Killmonger's sonic gun attack]'' Erik, why?
:'''Killmonger''': Better question. Why wear the uniform of your own oppressors? Fight for them? ''Die'' for them?
:'''Rhodey''': Kid, you've gotta be ''part'' of the system to change the system.
:'''Killmonger''': Nah. ''[Rips off the US Army patch from Rhodey's arm]'' You can burn it down. ''[Stabs Rhodey, who collapses dead]''

----
:''[Killmonger has speared Stark to a wall, mortally wounding him.]''
:'''Stark''': For a minute, I really thought it was you and me against the world.
:'''Killmonger''': But we're not fighting the same battles, Tony.
:'''Stark''': ''[Groans in pain]'' Two gear-head orphans trying to do right by our fathers? We sound the same to me.
:'''Killmonger''': The difference between you and me... ''[Jams the spear further into Stark's body]'' ...is that you can't ''see'' the difference between you and me. ''[Stark dies]''

----
:''[Killmonger is standing on Mount Bashenga watching the sun as the Watcher looks on.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#T'Chaka / Black Panther|T'Chaka]]''': ''[Approaches Killmonger]'' Does it meet your expectations?
:'''Killmonger''': It surpasses them. I only wish we could share it with our brothers and sisters across the world.
:'''T'Chaka''': Your father wished the same. Perhaps that is why Bast has returned you to us.
:'''Killmonger''': I am a loyal servant of Wakanda, Your Majesty. ''[Kneels before T'Chaka]'' Let me be of service.

----
:''[Having taken the heart-shaped herb potion to become the new Black Panther, Killmonger visits the spirit plane and encounters T'Challa.]''
:'''T'Challa''': You believe the cure for human suffering is more suffering.
:'''Killmonger''': The cure is power. And now, ''I'' have it.
:'''T'Challa''': Because you stole it. Power, unearned, can be a be a ''very'' volatile force, cousin. It will get the best of you eventually. On your plane, or on ours.

===[[w:What If... Thor Were an Only Child?|What If... Thor Were an Only Child?]]===
:'''[[w:Jane Foster (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Jane Foster]]''': ''[speaking on the phone]'' Two years ago, the same anomaly struck Star Alpha Icarus and the entire star dimmed and then, poof, disintegrated. ''[indistinct voice answering]'' Yes, I ''know'' this is the Parks Department, isn't there something you can do?
:'''[[w:Darcy Lewis|Darcy Lewis]]''': ''[shouting]'' Talking about the end of the world, my dude!

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Jane''': I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna make first contact with an alien.
:'''Darcy''': First? I think half the [[w:Las Vegas Strip|Strip]] beat you to it. You can make first contact with, I dunno, ''that'' guy. He looks like a loser.
:'''[[w:Howard the Duck (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard the Duck]]''': ''[does a [[w:Spit take|spit take]] into his martini]'' Ha! Big talk coming from a brunette.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''[[w:Carol Danvers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Captain Marvel]]''': Hey, [[w:Whitesnake|Whitesnake]]. We need to chat.
:'''[[w:Thor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thor]]''': The name is Thor, with a &quot;T&quot; and an &quot;R&quot; and an &quot;O&quot; ... and an &quot;H&quot;. But not in that order.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Thor''': You called my mother on me. That wasn't a cool thing to do, but it was the right thing. So, thank you.
:'''Jane''': You're welcome.

===[[w:What If... Ultron Won?|What If... Ultron Won?]]===
:'''[[w:Clint Barton (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Clint Barton]]''': No. Don't say it.
:'''Natasha Romanoff''': ''[offering Clint's severed cybernetic arm]'' What? &quot;Need a hand?&quot; Come on. I feel like you should know me by now. Puns aren't really my style.

----
:'''Carol Danvers''': ''[confronting Ultron in Xandar]'' Listen, [[w:Skynet (Terminator)|Skynet]], I've seen [[w:The Terminator|the killer robot movie]] and I gotta say, I really don't think it needs [[w:Terminator 2: Judgement Day|a sequel]].

----
:''[Ultron has destroyed all humanoid life in his universe and starts to go dormant. The image of the Watcher appears behind him.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both observing and narrating]'' The realization nearly broke the machine. With his mission complete, Ultron was now just a program without a purpose. The victor without a war, sentenced to spend all of eternity alone.
:''[As the Watcher speaks, Ultron reanimates and starts looking about.]''
:'''[[w:Ultron (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ultron]]''': Who … Who said that?
:'''The Watcher''': Basking in the boundless silence of his universe, Ultron ascended to a previously unattainable level of consciousness. He became aware of another. ''[Ultron turns around]'' He became aware of the…
:'''Ultron''': I see you. ''[The Watcher gasps in horror]'' There are universes beyond my own.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[horrified]'' I…have seen everything that has ever happened. Ever will happen. Ever ''could'' happen. And yet, what the hell is '''THIS?'''

----
:'''Ultron''': ''[to a defeated Watcher]'' The entire [[w:Multiverse (Marvel Comics)|multiverse]] at your fingertips, and you spent all your time up there. ''[levitates the Watcher towards him]'' Wow. Isn't this more fun than just watching? And to be honest, a lot less creepy on your part. ''[he tries to finish off the Watcher, but the Watcher fights back and teleports away]'' Run, watch, it doesn't matter. ''[teleports into the Watcher's observatory]'' From here, I can see everything. No one can stop me now.

----
:''[The Watcher is sitting in despair when he turns to see Strange Supreme, who smiles reassuringly.]''
:'''The Watcher''': I'm out of options. That ''thing'' has left me no choice. 
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Chuckles]'' Been there. Been living the dream alone in a prison of my own making ever since. Are you ready to break your oath?
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Stands up]'' You want me to ''say'' it?
:'''Strange Supreme''': Oh, yeah. ''Oh'', yeah. I wanna ''hear'' you say it.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Thinks for a moment, then considers]'' Okay. I can't believe I'm about to say this. I ''see'' now. I need your help.

===[[w:What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?|What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?]]===
:'''Natasha Romanoff (C'''aptain '''C'''arter's '''U'''niverse''')''': So, any plans for Saturday night?
:'''Captain Carter''': No, don't. Stop right there
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': You know, Bernard in Accounting was asking about you.
:'''Captain Carter''': Nothing good has ever followed the phrase 'Bernard in Accounting'.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': What if his name was Steve?
:'''Captain Carter''': Ouch! Just when we were becoming pals, Widow.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': But this Ultron could be hiding anywhere in the Multiverse?
:'''The Watcher''': Yes.
:'''Star Lord T'Challa''': Behind an army of killer robots?
:'''The Watcher''': Afraid so.
:'''[[w:Gamora (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Gamora]]''': And armed with a full set of stones?
:'''Strange Supreme''': She's got a point.
:'''The Watcher''': I never said it would be easy.
:'''Black Panther Killmonger''': This is a suicide mission.
:'''Party Prince Thor''': Um, excuse me, yeah. Is there a universe of Chinese food that has alternate dimension delivery? Tummy's getting rumbly. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[whispering aside to the Watcher]'' You picked them.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': I take it you know the Captain Carter on your universe?
:'''Strange Supreme''': No. Captain ''America''. In ''my'' universe, Steve Rogers received the serum.
:'''Captain Carter''': Now that ''would'' be a sight to see.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[While falling through the portal]''  Blimey&amp;ndash; bloody&amp;ndash; bollocks!

----
:'''Ultimate Ultron''': I can destroy galaxies with a thought. Why won't you ''DIE?!'' 

----
:'''Natasha Romanoff (from Episode 8)''': We're just ''stories'' to you. We're not ''real''. You watch us fight, win, lose. Tell me, did you make popcorn while Ultron murdered my friends and burned my world to the ground?
:'''The Watcher''': You are ''more'' than that to me.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': Are we?
:'''The Watcher''': You. Your stories. They... are everything to me.

----
:'''Loki''': ''[Knocks Fury down and points the scepter at him]'' You and your replacement Avengers fought valiantly, but now I think it's time you told me all your secrets. ''[Gets kicked in the face by Ep 8 Natasha, who picks up the scepter that he dropped]'' I was told you were dead.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': ''[Points the scepter at Loki]'' Same. ''[Strikes Loki with the scepter, neutralizing him]''
:'''Nick Fury''': ''[Stands up]'' You're not ''my'' Natasha, but something tells me you have her spirit.
:''[Ep 8 Natasha smiles.]''

----
:'''The Watcher''': That's it, isn't it? All creatures searching for a place to belong. To call home. As for me, I am the Watcher. The Multiverse, every single world, every story is my home. And I will protect it to the end.

----
:''[Captain Carter opens her eyes and looks around, but is punched in the face by Batroc.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Georges Batroc|Georges Batroc]]''': ''[Chuckles]'' I'm too fast. ''[Gets tasered from behind by Natasha (CCU)]''
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Don't tell me, he was your type?
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Stands up and hugs Natasha (CCU)]'' Oh, Widow, I've never been so happy to see you.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Did you hit your head or something?
:'''Captain Carter''': A few times, actually.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Well, shake it off, 'cause you're gonna want all your marbles for this one.

== Voice Cast ==
* [[w:Jeffrey Wright|Jeffrey Wright]] - [[w:Uatu (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|The Watcher]]
* [[w:Hayley Atwell|Hayley Atwell]] - Peggy Carter / Captain Carter
* [[w:Josh Keaton|Josh Keaton]] - Steve Rogers / Captain America and Steve Rogers / HYDRA Stomper
* [[w:Dominic Cooper|Dominic Cooper]] - Howard Stark
* [[w:Chadwick Boseman|Chadwick Boseman]] - T'Challa / Star-Lord and T'Challa / Black Panther
* [[w:Djimon Hounsou|Djimon Hounsou]] - Korath the Pursuer
* [[w:Josh Brolin|Josh Brolin]] - Thanos
* [[w:Sean Gunn|Sean Gunn]] - Kraglin Obfonteri
* [[w:John Kani|John Kani]] - T'Chaka
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] - Nick Fury
* [[w:Lake Bell|Lake Bell]] - Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow
* [[w:Clark Gregg|Clark Gregg]] - Phil Coulson
* [[w:Tom Hiddleston|Tom Hiddleston]] - Loki
* [[w:Benedict Cumberbatch|Benedict Cumberbatch]] - Dr. Stephen Strange and Doctor Strange Supreme
* [[w:Ike Amadi|Ike Amadi]] - O'Bengh
* [[w:Rachel McAdams|Rachel McAdams]] - Christine Palmer
* [[w:Mark Ruffalo|Mark Ruffalo]] - Bruce Banner / Hulk
* [[w:Hudson Thames|Hudson Thames]] - Peter Parker / Spider-Man
* [[w:Danai Gurira|Danai Gurira]] - Okoye
* [[w:Jon Favreau|Jon Favreau]] - Happy Hogan 
* [[w:Evangeline Lily|Evangeline Lily]] - Hope van Dyne / Wasp
* [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] - Kurt
* [[w:Mick Wingert|Mick Wingert]] - Tony Stark / Iron Man
* [[w:Beth Hoyt|Beth Hoyt]] - Pepper Potts
* [[w:Michael B. Jordan|Michael B. Jordan]] - Erik Stevens / N'Jadaka / Killmonger / Black Panther
* [[w:Don Cheadle|Don Cheadle]] - James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes
* [[w:Natalie Portman|Natalie Portman]] - Jane Foster
* [[w:Kat Dennings|Kat Dennings]] - Darcy Lewis
* [[w:Seth Green|Seth Green]] - Howard the Duck
* [[w:Alexandra Daniels|Alexandra Daniels]] - Carol Danvers / Captain Marvel
* [[w:Chris Hemsworth|Chris Hemsworth]] - Thor
* [[w:Jeremy Renner|Jeremy Renner]] - Clint Barton / Hawkeye
* [[w:Ross Marquand|Ross Marquand]] - Ultron
* [[w:Cynthia McWilliams|Cynthia McWilliams]] - Gamora

&lt;!--Please only add voice actors that are actually quoted on this page. Thanks. --&gt;

==External links==
{{wikipedia|What If...? (TV series)}}
*{{imdb title|10168312}}

[[Category:Marvel Cinematic Universe]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]
[[Category:Superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated superhero TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:What If...? (TV series)|What If...?]]''''' is an animated [[w:Anthology series|anthology series]] on the streaming service [[w:Disney+|Disney+]]. It is based on the [[w:Marvel Comics|Marvel Comics]] series [[w:What If (comics)|of the same name]], but focuses on events within the [[w:List of Marvel Cinematic Universe films|Marvel Cinematic Universe films]] (MCU). The series explores various alternate timelines from the MCU in which major moments occur differently. 

==Season 1==

&lt;center&gt;
'''Introduction:'''&lt;br/&gt;'' '''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Watcher|The Watcher]]''': Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility. Where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am the Watcher. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me and ponder the question... &quot;What if?&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;

===[[w:What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?|What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?]]===
:''[Peggy is beating a punching bag as Steve, who is balancing himself on two walking bars, looks on. Peggy keeps beating the bag until the force of her punch causes it to detach from the chain and fly against the wall.]''
:'''[[w:Steve Rogers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Steve Rogers]]''': Nice left hook.
:'''[[w:Peggy Carter (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peggy Carter]]''': Not according to Col. Flynn&amp;ndash; ''[Uses her foot to flip a dumbbell disc into her hand]'' &amp;ndash;that weapons-grade moron! ''[Throws the disc against the wall next to other dumbbell discs that were already lodged against it]'' If only I was allowed to do that to Hitler's head.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Well, it could be worse. Flynn could stick your on one of those USO tours. Wear a crazy costume, being told to smile ten times a day.
:'''Peggy Carter''': He wouldn't. He couldn't. Could he?
:''[Steve shrugs before he and Peggy look out the window to see the soldiers marching.]''
:'''Steve Rogers''': Bucky. He's a buddy of mine from Brooklyn. He just deployed with the 107th. The army won't even tell me where he's going.
:'''Peggy Carter''': We all have someone fighting for us. Would be nice if we could fight for them. I'm sorry. You were meant to be the one to end the war.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Now you will. And don't worry about me. I never was much of a dancer anyway.
:'''Peggy Carter''': Maybe you haven't found the right partner.
:''[Steve and Peggy smile at each other.]''

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Puts down the Tesseract on Flynn's desk]'' The war's out there, Colonel, not in here. If we're going to win, it won't be with me stuck behind a desk.
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Is this nuclear?
:'''Captain Carter''': Are you listening?
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Looks up at Peggy]'' You're an agent. You're not qualified for field duty.
:'''Captain Carter''': Then you better promote me. &quot;Captain&quot; has a nice ring to it. ''[To Howard]'' I trust you know what to do with that. ''[Walks away]''
:'''Howard Stark''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Oh, I know exactly what to do with this.

----
:'''Steve Rogers''': ''[wearing an armored battle suit resembling the [[w:Iron Man's armor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#List of armors|Iron Man Mark I]] armor]'' Stark made me some new dancing shoes. What do you think?
:'''Captain Carter''': Well, then we better start dancing.

----
:'''Steve''': Okay. Okay, I gotta ask. How did it feel?
:'''Peggy''': What, to get the serum? Honest truth, not as different as you might think. 
:'''Steve''': Well, you've always been a fighter. In a way, the outside finally matches the inside. 
:'''Peggy''': The way people view me has changed. I'm no longer screaming to be heard, to be seen, to be in the room.
:'''Steve''': To be respected. ''[awkwardly takes a drink]'' Must be nice. I'm still that skinny kid from Brooklyn, now just in a big metal suit.
:'''Peggy''': You're more than the suit. The suit is nothing without the man inside it. ''[puts her hand on top of Steve's]'' You're my hero, Steve. ''[awkwardly removes her hand]'' I mean, you're ''a'' hero.
:'''Steve''': ''[chuckles]'' Hmm. You're my hero, too.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[battling an interdimensional creature while Howard struggles to decipher controls written in German]'' Don't tell me the American playboy needs help pushing buttons.
:'''[[w:Howard Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard Stark]]''': [[w:Hedy Lamarr|Hedy Lamarr]] and I spent a weekend together, but she wasn't teaching me German!

===[[w:What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?|What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?]]===
:'''[[w:Korath the Pursuer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Korath the Pursuer]]''': Who are you? Identify yourself!
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#Alternate version|Star-Lord T'Challa]]''': Who, me? I am just an ordinary junker. But there ''is'' one name you may know me by. ''[unmasks and steps into the light, revealing his face]''
:'''Korath''': ''[stammers]'' Oh, my... ''Star-Lord!'' I'm a ''huge'' fan of your work! What are you doing here?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': That was not the reaction I was expecting.

----
:'''Korath''': ''[to T'Challa]'' How exactly did you stop Thanos, the Mad Titan, from decimating half the universe? 
:''[A large purple arm goes across Korath's shoulders.]'' 
:'''Korath''': ''[scared]'' Oh no.
:'''[[w:Thanos (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thanos]]''': I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong. T'Challa here showed me there was more than one way to reallocate the universe's resources. 
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Sometimes the best weapon in your arsenal is just a good argument.
:'''Thanos''': Aye, aye, commander. Although I still assert [[w:Avengers: Infinity War|my plan]] was not without its merits.
:''[Everyone groans and scoffs.]''
:'''[[w:Kraglin Obfonteri (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Kraglin Obfonteri]]''': Pretty sure it's still just genocide, big guy.
:'''Thanos''': And I'm pretty sure it's efficient.

----
:''[T'Challa is listening to the broadcast message of the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:T'Chaka (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Chaka]]''': ''[as a hologram]'' &quot;My son, T'Challa, Crown Prince of [[w:Wakanda|Wakanda]], was abducted from Earth by an alien spacecraft. If you have any information regarding his whereabouts, we ask that you respond to this homing beacon. And T'Challa,...&quot;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': ''Baba'' (&quot;Father&quot;).
:'''T'Chaka''': &quot;... if you are out there, you're one bright burning light in the night sky of billions. And we will search every last one of them until we find you, on this plane or the next.&quot;

----
:''[T'Challa, Yondu, and Cosmo are flying in the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:Nebula (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nebula]]''': ''[Via hologram]'' All crew members present and accounted for by some miracle.
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Then I will see you at the rendezvous.
:'''Nebula''': ''[Via hologram]'' Copy that, Cha-Cha. ''[The hologram turns off]''
:''[Cosmo licks T'Challa as Yondu approaches them.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Yondu Udonta|Yondu Udonta]]''': Looks like we've got a stowaway. ''[Sits down]''
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': You always did have a soft spot for runaways.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Look, uh, T'Challa, I just wanted to say&amp;ndash;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': There's no need. I was the one who told you I wanted to see the world. All you did was show me the universe.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Oh, yeah. She really is a beaut, isn't she?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': I've always felt at home up here. But now, knowing everything, I'm not quite sure where I belong.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Seen a lot of space travelers in my day, kid. And if I learned anything from watching you, on any planet, among any people, there ain't no place in this galaxy where you don't belong. ''[Brings up a hologram of Earth]'' Where you wanna be, that's the question, isn't it? You're just gonna have to follow your heart on that one, Mr. Star-Lord.
:''[T'Challa looks at Earth with a look of fondness.]''

----
:''[Peter is listening to music and mopping the floor when he notices Ego behind him.]''
:'''[[w:Peter Quill (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Quill]]''': ''[Removes his headphones]'' Uh, sorry, we're closed.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Ego|Ego the Living Planet]]''': What, Peter? Can't spare a little time for dear old Dad? ''[His eyes glow]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Closing narration]'' Too bad this might spell the end of the world, but that's a story for another day.

----
:::'''''Closing credits tribute''': &quot;Dedicated to our friend, our inspiration, and our hero Chadwick Boseman.&quot;''

===[[w:What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?|What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?]]===
:'''[[w:Nick Fury (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nick Fury]]''': ''[answering a cell call from Natasha]'' I'm a little busy here, Widow.
:'''[[w:Natasha Romanoff (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Natasha Romanoff]]:''' Oh, good. We'll start a support group. I've got [[w:Thaddeus Ross (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|General Ross]], a dozen snipers and a few tanks. What are ''you'' dealing with?
:'''Fury''': [[w:Asgard (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Space Vikings]].
:'''Natasha:''' Showoff.

----
:''[Loki is still attacking the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents with the casket.]''
:'''Nick Fury''': Declaring war on this planet will not bring your prince back!
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Sif|Sif]]''': ''[Stops Loki]'' Wait. He's not wrong. The All-Father would want us to listen.
:'''Nick Fury''': We have the same enemy here. The person who killed your brother also killed two of my people. Good people. We should be working together.
:'''[[w:Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Loki]]''': We are not allies.
:'''Nick Fury''': Then let me help you. I promise, when I find your brother's killer, you will have your pound of flesh.
:'''Loki''': ''[Takes the staff that a member of the Einherjar has handed him]'' What a fascinating choice of words. But I shall require the entire corpse.
:'''Nick Fury''': You need to give me time.
:'''Loki''': ''[Glances at the sun, then turns back to Fury]'' Very well. You have until the next rise of Midgard's sun to deliver my brother's assassin, or I will reduce this planet to ash and ice.

----
:'''[[w:Phil Coulson|Phil Coulson]]''': ''[nervously]'' Why do you need ''my'' password?
:'''Natasha:''' ''[sighs]'' I need to get into the Avengers Initiative files, but I'm locked out of the system. And wanted for murder.
:'''Coulson''': I'm not telling you my password, Romanoff.
:'''Natasha:''' Why not?
:'''Coulson''': Because I'm not.
:'''Natasha:''' Coulson. Clint was your friend, too.
:'''Coulson''': ''#SteveSteveSteveIHeartSteve0704''.
:'''Natasha:''' Wow. Good one, Coulson.
:'''Coulson''': What?
:'''Natasha:''' No, nothing. That's great. Thank you.

----
:''[Natasha hears someone behind her.]''
:'''Natasha''': You won't win. ''[Stands up and turns to face the person]'' Not against me. Not against S.H.I.E.L.D.
:''[Natasha gets thrown around repeatedly, dropping her phone in the process.]''
:'''Nick Fury's voicemail''': You found me. You know what to do.
:''[Natasha keeps getting thrown around until she is thrown up the ceiling, then falls on the floor.]''
:'''Natasha''': ''[Crawls towards her phone]'' Fury, it's Hope! It's all about Hope! ''[Gets dragged into the darkness]''

----
:'''Loki''': ''[addressing a subjugated Earth from the [[w:United Nations Headquarters|United Nations Headquarters]]]'' Good evening, my loyal subjects. It is with great pride that I stand before you today to announce that in just one day's time, the nations of Earth have put aside their differences and united under my command. It's the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom hobbles you, diminishes your life's joy. You were ''made'' to be ''ruled''. So I have come... to help you fulfill... your destiny.

----
:'''Coulson''': The Avengers fell before they had a chance to rise. May they rest in peace.
:'''Fury''': ''They'' can. But we won't. The Avengers were ''always'' meant to be more than a team. They were an idea, the affirmation of humanity's need to believe that in our darkest hour, we will find our heroes.

===[[w:What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?|What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?]]===
:'''O'Bengh''': Is ''she'' worth the pain? ''[off Strange's look]'' A man does not suffer like this for his own glory.
:'''[[w:Stephen Strange (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Stephen Strange]]''': Every moment of it.
:'''O'Bengh''': There is a fine line between devotion and delusion. Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.
:'''Strange''': ''[sarcastically]'' Uh-huh. And in which book did you read that?
:'''O'Bengh''': ''[chuckles]'' No book, [[w:Armani|Armani]]. ''Life'' taught me.

----
:''[The Watcher observes Strange absorb the energies of ever-more-powerful mystical creatures.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both thinking out loud and narrating to the viewer]'' He's on the wrong path. I could warn him. Intervene. But the fate of ''his'' universe is not worth risking the safety of all others. Besides, I doubt he'd listen.
:'''Dr. Strange''': ''[hears the Watcher's voice, and looks around, but does not find him]'' Hello? Who's there?

----
:'''Dr. Strange''': The [[w:Ancient One (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ancient One]] warned us. If we save Christine, we destroy the world.
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[sighs]'' I told you, she doesn't understand. We ''love'' Christine. 
:'''Dr. Strange''': This isn't love. Look at this. ''[gestures at the decaying world]'' This is arrogance. This is our need to ''fix'' everything. It's what drove us to study the mystic arts in the first place.
:'''Strange Supreme''': And look where we are.
:'''Dr. Strange''': Deranged.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I will be whole again.
:'''Dr. Strange''': No. Your marbles are long gone.

----
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[as his universe falls apart,  Strange spots the Watcher in the shadows]'' You! You can stop this. Please, fix this.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[showing himself]'' The same way you fixed Christine?
:'''[[w:Christine Palmer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Christine Palmer]]''': What?
:'''Strange Supreme''': I was wrong. I...
:'''The Watcher''': You were warned.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I know. But the world! The world shouldn't pay for my arrogance. I read about you. Sensed your presence. You're a god. You can undo this.
:'''The Watcher''': I'm not a god. And neither are you.
:'''Strange Supreme''': Then punish me! Not the world, not Christine.
:'''The Watcher''': Honestly, if I could fix this, if I could punish you instead, I would. But I can't interfere. You, more than anyone else, should understand that meddling with time and events only leads to more destruction.

----
:''[Strange Supreme is holding Christine as she slowly starts to dissolve into black ooze.]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': Christine. Oh, no. I'm sorry.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Christine Palmer|Christine Palmer]]''': Stephen&amp;ndash; what did you do? ''[Finally dissolves into black ooze]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Devastated]'' No, no, no, no, no. ''[Holds his head and sobs]'' I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.

===[[w:What If... Zombies?!|What If... Zombies?!]]===
:'''[[w:Peter Parker (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Parker]]''': ''[Making an intro for a [[w:Zombie apocalypse|Zombie apocalypse]] orientation video]'' New York! Home of the [[w:New York Mets|Mets]], the [[w:Chrysler Building|Chrysler Building]], those ladies from ''[[w:Sex and the City|Sex and the City]]'', and now, the ''zombie apocalypse!!'' If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. But first, you have to not get eaten.

----
:''[While driving to Grand Central Terminal in a miniature van.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Happy Hogan|Happy Hogan]]''': Zombie-freakin'-apocalypse, and ''somehow'', I'm still driving.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Okoye|Okoye]]''': What is the problem? I thought you were an [[w:Uber|Uber driver]].
:'''Happy Hogan''': No. No, I'm a ''personal chauffeur''. There's a difference.
:''[A zombie appears before the van. Happy screams in fright, then slams his fist on a button, enlarging the van and making the zombie explode.]''
:'''Happy Hogan''': All right, everybody, it's Grand Central.

----
:''[The group enter the station.]''
:'''Okoye''': Hope, Banner, Parker, track seven. See if you can hot-wire the train.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Kurt|Kurt]]''': Sounds like job for criminal. I will help.
:'''Peter Parker''': Uh, splitting up? Do you guys just ''not have'' [[w:Horror film|horror movies]] in Wakanda?
:'''Okoye''': We don't need them. We have American [[w:Reality television|reality shows]].
:'''Kurt''': Boom goes the dynamite. That was solid burn on all of us.
:''[As Peter, Bruce, Hope, and Kurt go to hot-wire a train, Bucky, Okoye, Sharon, and Happy remain behind.]''
:'''Okoye''': The rest of us will stay here and guard the perimeter.
:''[Happy moves his hand up and down his arm as if he is reloading a gun.]''

----
:''[The train rides by as the Watcher looks on. Hope is lying on one of the seats with Bruce, Bucky, and Okoye by her side.]''
:'''[[w:Bruce Banner (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bruce Banner]]''': ''[Examines Hope's arm]'' Heart rate's elevated. Temperature's&amp;ndash; ''[Puts his hand on Hope's forehead]'' &amp;ndash;not going in the right direction.
:'''[[w:Hope van Dyne|Hope van Dyne]]''': Then we both know what you have to do.
:'''Okoye''': No. Not when we could minutes away from a cure.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Grunts in pain]'' Can we really take that risk?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Approaches Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye, to Hope]'' It's not risk. It's hope. And anyone who's seen a zombie movie knows that that's the key to survival. Plus, it's also your ''name'', and that's gotta mean something.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Oh, kid. How do you do it?
:'''Peter Parker''': See all these movies? AV club.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': No. No, how do you stay so&amp;ndash; upbeat, after everything?
:'''Peter Parker''': Practice, I guess. My mom, dad, [[w:Uncle Ben|Uncle Ben]], Mr. Stark. Now Happy. I've... I've lost a lot. But my [[w:Aunt May|Aunt May]] says&amp;ndash; ''used to'' say&amp;ndash; that if we don't keep smiling when they can't, then we might as well just be gone, too. And&amp;ndash; ''[Takes Hope's hand]'' Well, they'd want us to keep going.
:''[Bruce puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and gives him a reassuring look.]''
:'''Kurt''': ''[Enters]'' Guys, uh, bad news, team. The train has run out of fuel.
:'''Bruce Banner''': How far away are we from Camp Lehigh?
:'''Kurt''': Well, on the bright side, we are at least closer than we were.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Groans in pain]'' And the not-bright side?
:'''Kurt''': We're going to have to walk through that. ''[Points his thumb towards the window]''
:''[Peter, Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye look out the window to see a horde of zombies.]''
:'''[[w:Bucky Barnes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bucky Barnes]]''': Well, looks like out draft cards just got pulled.
:'''Okoye''': We will not make it through them.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': But you can make over them. ''[Stands up]''
:'''Peter Parker''': No, no. Hope, no.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Listen to me. We all know my time's up, okay? And if I have to go, I might as well go out fixing the mess I started.
:'''Bruce Banner''': Oh, come on, Hope. It's not your fault.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': I was so obsessed with bringing my mom back&amp;ndash; that I never considered what I might bring back with her. ''[To Peter]'' I started this, but you are gonna finish it.
:''[Peter nods with a look of determination.]''

----
:''[Peter, Scott, T'Challa, and the Cloak are flying to Wakanda. Peter sleeps on the windowsill. He wakes up to look at the sun as they fly over the ocean.]''
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Challa]]''': ETA, 20 minutes.
:'''[[w:Scott Lang (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Scott Lang]]''': Well, put another &quot;W&quot; on the board for the Avengers. ''[Notices that Peter and T'Challa aren't reacting]'' Go ahead, high-five. It's okay, I won't feel left out.
:'''T'Challa''': ''[To Peter]'' You all right?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Sighs]'' Last year, Mr. Stark asked me to join the Avengers. I turned him down, and now, they're all gone. And I'm still here.
:'''T'Challa''': In my culture, death is not the end. They are still with us, as long as we do not forget them.
:'''Scott Lang''': Plus, they're not all gone. Me. You still have me.
:'''Peter Parker''': Oh. I'm so sor&amp;ndash; I-I forgot. You are an Avenger.
:'''Scott Lang''': Totally. Big time. Well, maybe not officially. But, you know, at heart.
:'''T'Challa''': Good. The world could use a little heart right now.
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Holding the Mind Stone]'' And once we get this to Wakanda, we're gonna save the world.
:''[The four continue flying to Wakanda.]''

===[[w:What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?|What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?]]===
:'''[[w:Happy Hogan (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Happy Hogan]]''': ''[After knocking out Stane]'' Ah, I never liked that guy.

----
:'''[[w:Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Tony Stark]]''': I owe it all to you. And that's why I want you by my side 24-7 as my new COO.
:'''[[w:Pepper Potts (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Pepper Potts]]''': Wait. You're giving him [[w:Obadiah Stane (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Obadiah]]'s job?
:'''[[w:Killmonger (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Erik &quot;Killmonger&quot; Stevens]]''': Yeah, I-I dunno, Mr. Stark. I think I'm more of a soldier.
:'''Stark''': Which is why it's perfect. You. Me. We'll be like [[w:Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid|Butch and Sundance]].
:'''Pepper''': They ''died'' at the end, Tony.
:'''Stark''': Okay, bad example.

----
:'''Pepper''': [[w:Ulysses Klaue (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Ulysses Klaue]]? No, Tony. Absolutely not.
:'''Stark''': I'm sorry, are you allowed to say that to people in my tax bracket?

----
:'''[[w:James Rhodes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes]]''': ''[Weak from Killmonger's sonic gun attack]'' Erik, why?
:'''Killmonger''': Better question. Why wear the uniform of your own oppressors? Fight for them? ''Die'' for them?
:'''Rhodey''': Kid, you've gotta be ''part'' of the system to change the system.
:'''Killmonger''': Nah. ''[Rips off the US Army patch from Rhodey's arm]'' You can burn it down. ''[Stabs Rhodey, who collapses dead]''

----
:''[Killmonger has speared Stark to a wall, mortally wounding him.]''
:'''Stark''': For a minute, I really thought it was you and me against the world.
:'''Killmonger''': But we're not fighting the same battles, Tony.
:'''Stark''': ''[Groans in pain]'' Two gear-head orphans trying to do right by our fathers? We sound the same to me.
:'''Killmonger''': The difference between you and me... ''[Jams the spear further into Stark's body]'' ...is that you can't ''see'' the difference between you and me. ''[Stark dies]''

----
:''[Killmonger is standing on Mount Bashenga watching the sun as the Watcher looks on.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#T'Chaka / Black Panther|T'Chaka]]''': ''[Approaches Killmonger]'' Does it meet your expectations?
:'''Killmonger''': It surpasses them. I only wish we could share it with our brothers and sisters across the world.
:'''T'Chaka''': Your father wished the same. Perhaps that is why Bast has returned you to us.
:'''Killmonger''': I am a loyal servant of Wakanda, Your Majesty. ''[Kneels before T'Chaka]'' Let me be of service.

----
:''[Having taken the heart-shaped herb potion to become the new Black Panther, Killmonger visits the spirit plane and encounters T'Challa.]''
:'''T'Challa''': You believe the cure for human suffering is more suffering.
:'''Killmonger''': The cure is power. And now, ''I'' have it.
:'''T'Challa''': Because you stole it. Power, unearned, can be a be a ''very'' volatile force, cousin. It will get the best of you eventually. On your plane, or on ours.

===[[w:What If... Thor Were an Only Child?|What If... Thor Were an Only Child?]]===
:'''[[w:Jane Foster (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Jane Foster]]''': ''[speaking on the phone]'' Two years ago, the same anomaly struck Star Alpha Icarus and the entire star dimmed and then, poof, disintegrated. ''[indistinct voice answering]'' Yes, I ''know'' this is the Parks Department, isn't there something you can do?
:'''[[w:Darcy Lewis|Darcy Lewis]]''': ''[shouting]'' Talking about the end of the world, my dude!

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Jane''': I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna make first contact with an alien.
:'''Darcy''': First? I think half the [[w:Las Vegas Strip|Strip]] beat you to it. You can make first contact with, I dunno, ''that'' guy. He looks like a loser.
:'''[[w:Howard the Duck (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard the Duck]]''': ''[does a [[w:Spit take|spit take]] into his martini]'' Ha! Big talk coming from a brunette.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''[[w:Carol Danvers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Captain Marvel]]''': Hey, [[w:Whitesnake|Whitesnake]]. We need to chat.
:'''[[w:Thor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thor]]''': The name is Thor, with a &quot;T&quot; and an &quot;R&quot; and an &quot;O&quot; ... and an &quot;H&quot;. But not in that order.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Thor''': You called my mother on me. That wasn't a cool thing to do, but it was the right thing. So, thank you.
:'''Jane''': You're welcome.

===[[w:What If... Ultron Won?|What If... Ultron Won?]]===
:'''[[w:Clint Barton (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Clint Barton]]''': No. Don't say it.
:'''Natasha Romanoff''': ''[offering Clint's severed cybernetic arm]'' What? &quot;Need a hand?&quot; Come on. I feel like you should know me by now. Puns aren't really my style.

----
:'''Carol Danvers''': ''[confronting Ultron in Xandar]'' Listen, [[w:Skynet (Terminator)|Skynet]], I've seen [[w:The Terminator|the killer robot movie]] and I gotta say, I really don't think it needs [[w:Terminator 2: Judgement Day|a sequel]].

----
:''[Ultron has destroyed all humanoid life in his universe and starts to go dormant. The image of the Watcher appears behind him.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both observing and narrating]'' The realization nearly broke the machine. With his mission complete, Ultron was now just a program without a purpose. The victor without a war, sentenced to spend all of eternity alone.
:''[As the Watcher speaks, Ultron reanimates and starts looking about.]''
:'''[[w:Ultron (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ultron]]''': Who … Who said that?
:'''The Watcher''': Basking in the boundless silence of his universe, Ultron ascended to a previously unattainable level of consciousness. He became aware of another. ''[Ultron turns around]'' He became aware of the…
:'''Ultron''': I see you. ''[The Watcher gasps in horror]'' There are universes beyond my own.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[horrified]'' I…have seen everything that has ever happened. Ever will happen. Ever ''could'' happen. And yet, what the hell is '''THIS?'''

----
:'''Ultron''': ''[to a defeated Watcher]'' The entire [[w:Multiverse (Marvel Comics)|multiverse]] at your fingertips, and you spent all your time up there. ''[levitates the Watcher towards him]'' Wow. Isn't this more fun than just watching? And to be honest, a lot less creepy on your part. ''[he tries to finish off the Watcher, but the Watcher fights back and teleports away]'' Run, watch, it doesn't matter. ''[teleports into the Watcher's observatory]'' From here, I can see everything. No one can stop me now.

----
:''[The Watcher is sitting in despair when he turns to see Strange Supreme, who smiles reassuringly.]''
:'''The Watcher''': I'm out of options. That ''thing'' has left me no choice. 
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Chuckles]'' Been there. Been living the dream alone in a prison of my own making ever since. Are you ready to break your oath?
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Stands up]'' You want me to ''say'' it?
:'''Strange Supreme''': Oh, yeah. ''Oh'', yeah. I wanna ''hear'' you say it.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Thinks for a moment, then considers]'' Okay. I can't believe I'm about to say this. I ''see'' now. I need your help.

===[[w:What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?|What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?]]===
:'''Natasha Romanoff (C'''aptain '''C'''arter's '''U'''niverse''')''': So, any plans for Saturday night?
:'''Captain Carter''': No, don't. Stop right there
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': You know, Bernard in Accounting was asking about you.
:'''Captain Carter''': Nothing good has ever followed the phrase 'Bernard in Accounting'.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': What if his name was Steve?
:'''Captain Carter''': Ouch! Just when we were becoming pals, Widow.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': But this Ultron could be hiding anywhere in the Multiverse?
:'''The Watcher''': Yes.
:'''Star Lord T'Challa''': Behind an army of killer robots?
:'''The Watcher''': Afraid so.
:'''[[w:Gamora (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Gamora]]''': And armed with a full set of stones?
:'''Strange Supreme''': She's got a point.
:'''The Watcher''': I never said it would be easy.
:'''Black Panther Killmonger''': This is a suicide mission.
:'''Party Prince Thor''': Um, excuse me, yeah. Is there a universe of Chinese food that has alternate dimension delivery? Tummy's getting rumbly. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[whispering aside to the Watcher]'' You picked them.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': I take it you know the Captain Carter on your universe?
:'''Strange Supreme''': No. Captain ''America''. In ''my'' universe, Steve Rogers received the serum.
:'''Captain Carter''': Now that ''would'' be a sight to see.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[While falling through the portal]''  Blimey&amp;ndash; bloody&amp;ndash; bollocks!

----
:'''Ultimate Ultron''': I can destroy galaxies with a thought. Why won't you ''DIE?!'' 

----
:'''Natasha Romanoff (from Episode 8)''': We're just ''stories'' to you. We're not ''real''. You watch us fight, win, lose. Tell me, did you make popcorn while Ultron murdered my friends and burned my world to the ground?
:'''The Watcher''': You are ''more'' than that to me.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': Are we?
:'''The Watcher''': You. Your stories. They... are everything to me.

----
:'''Loki''': ''[Knocks Fury down and points the scepter at him]'' You and your replacement Avengers fought valiantly, but now I think it's time you told me all your secrets. ''[Gets kicked in the face by Ep 8 Natasha, who picks up the scepter that he dropped]'' I was told you were dead.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': ''[Points the scepter at Loki]'' Same. ''[Strikes Loki with the scepter, neutralizing him]''
:'''Nick Fury''': ''[Stands up]'' You're not ''my'' Natasha, but something tells me you have her spirit.
:''[Ep 8 Natasha smiles.]''

----
:'''The Watcher''': That's it, isn't it? All creatures searching for a place to belong. To call home. As for me, I am the Watcher. The Multiverse, every single world, every story is my home. And I will protect it to the end.

----
:''[Captain Carter opens her eyes and looks around, but is punched in the face by Batroc.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Georges Batroc|Georges Batroc]]''': ''[Chuckles]'' I'm too fast. ''[Gets tasered from behind by Natasha (CCU)]''
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Don't tell me, he was your type?
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Stands up and hugs Natasha (CCU)]'' Oh, Widow, I've never been so happy to see you.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Did you hit your head or something?
:'''Captain Carter''': A few times, actually.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Well, shake it off, 'cause you're gonna want all your marbles for this one.

== Voice Cast ==
* [[w:Jeffrey Wright|Jeffrey Wright]] - [[w:Uatu (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|The Watcher]]
* [[w:Hayley Atwell|Hayley Atwell]] - Peggy Carter / Captain Carter
* [[w:Josh Keaton|Josh Keaton]] - Steve Rogers / Captain America and Steve Rogers / HYDRA Stomper
* [[w:Dominic Cooper|Dominic Cooper]] - Howard Stark
* [[w:Chadwick Boseman|Chadwick Boseman]] - T'Challa / Star-Lord and T'Challa / Black Panther
* [[w:Djimon Hounsou|Djimon Hounsou]] - Korath the Pursuer
* [[w:Josh Brolin|Josh Brolin]] - Thanos
* [[w:Sean Gunn|Sean Gunn]] - Kraglin Obfonteri
* [[w:John Kani|John Kani]] - T'Chaka
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] - Nick Fury
* [[w:Lake Bell|Lake Bell]] - Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow
* [[w:Clark Gregg|Clark Gregg]] - Phil Coulson
* [[w:Tom Hiddleston|Tom Hiddleston]] - Loki
* [[w:Benedict Cumberbatch|Benedict Cumberbatch]] - Dr. Stephen Strange and Doctor Strange Supreme
* [[w:Ike Amadi|Ike Amadi]] - O'Bengh
* [[w:Rachel McAdams|Rachel McAdams]] - Christine Palmer
* [[w:Mark Ruffalo|Mark Ruffalo]] - Bruce Banner / Hulk
* [[w:Hudson Thames|Hudson Thames]] - Peter Parker / Spider-Man
* [[w:Danai Gurira|Danai Gurira]] - Okoye
* [[w:Jon Favreau|Jon Favreau]] - Happy Hogan 
* [[w:Evangeline Lily|Evangeline Lily]] - Hope van Dyne / Wasp
* [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] - Kurt
* [[w:Mick Wingert|Mick Wingert]] - Tony Stark / Iron Man
* [[w:Beth Hoyt|Beth Hoyt]] - Pepper Potts
* [[w:Michael B. Jordan|Michael B. Jordan]] - Erik Stevens / N'Jadaka / Killmonger / Black Panther
* [[w:Don Cheadle|Don Cheadle]] - James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes
* [[w:Natalie Portman|Natalie Portman]] - Jane Foster
* [[w:Kat Dennings|Kat Dennings]] - Darcy Lewis
* [[w:Seth Green|Seth Green]] - Howard the Duck
* [[w:Alexandra Daniels|Alexandra Daniels]] - Carol Danvers / Captain Marvel
* [[w:Chris Hemsworth|Chris Hemsworth]] - Thor
* [[w:Jeremy Renner|Jeremy Renner]] - Clint Barton / Hawkeye
* [[w:Ross Marquand|Ross Marquand]] - Ultron
* [[w:Cynthia McWilliams|Cynthia McWilliams]] - Gamora

&lt;!--Please only add voice actors that are actually quoted on this page. Thanks. --&gt;

==External links==
{{wikipedia|What If...? (TV series)}}
*{{imdb title|10168312}}

[[Category:Marvel Cinematic Universe]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]
[[Category:Superhero TV shows]]
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'''''[[w:What If...? (TV series)|What If...?]]''''' is an animated [[w:Anthology series|anthology series]] on the streaming service [[w:Disney+|Disney+]]. It is based on the [[w:Marvel Comics|Marvel Comics]] series [[w:What If (comics)|of the same name]], but focuses on events within the [[w:List of Marvel Cinematic Universe films|Marvel Cinematic Universe films]] (MCU). The series explores various alternate timelines from the MCU in which major moments occur differently. 

==Season 1==

&lt;center&gt;
'''Introduction:'''&lt;br/&gt;'' '''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Watcher|The Watcher]]''': Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility. Where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am the Watcher. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me and ponder the question... &quot;What if?&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;

===[[w:What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?|What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?]]===
:''[Peggy is beating a punching bag as Steve, who is holding two walking bars, looks on. Peggy keeps beating the bag until the force of her punch causes it to detach from the chain and fly against the wall.]''
:'''[[w:Steve Rogers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Steve Rogers]]''': Nice left hook.
:'''[[w:Peggy Carter (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peggy Carter]]''': Not according to Col. Flynn&amp;ndash; ''[Uses her foot to flip a dumbbell disc into her hand]'' &amp;ndash;that weapons-grade moron! ''[Throws the disc against the wall next to other dumbbell discs that were already lodged against it]'' If only I was allowed to do that to Hitler's head.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Well, it could be worse. Flynn could stick your on one of those USO tours. Wear a crazy costume, being told to smile ten times a day.
:'''Peggy Carter''': He wouldn't. He couldn't. Could he?
:''[Steve shrugs before he and Peggy look out the window to see the soldiers marching.]''
:'''Steve Rogers''': Bucky. He's a buddy of mine from Brooklyn. He just deployed with the 107th. The army won't even tell me where he's going.
:'''Peggy Carter''': We all have someone fighting for us. Would be nice if we could fight for them. I'm sorry. You were meant to be the one to end the war.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Now you will. And don't worry about me. I never was much of a dancer anyway.
:'''Peggy Carter''': Maybe you haven't found the right partner.
:''[Steve and Peggy smile at each other.]''

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Puts down the Tesseract on Flynn's desk]'' The war's out there, Colonel, not in here. If we're going to win, it won't be with me stuck behind a desk.
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Is this nuclear?
:'''Captain Carter''': Are you listening?
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Looks up at Peggy]'' You're an agent. You're not qualified for field duty.
:'''Captain Carter''': Then you better promote me. &quot;Captain&quot; has a nice ring to it. ''[To Howard]'' I trust you know what to do with that. ''[Walks away]''
:'''Howard Stark''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Oh, I know exactly what to do with this.

----
:'''Steve Rogers''': ''[wearing an armored battle suit resembling the [[w:Iron Man's armor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#List of armors|Iron Man Mark I]] armor]'' Stark made me some new dancing shoes. What do you think?
:'''Captain Carter''': Well, then we better start dancing.

----
:'''Steve''': Okay. Okay, I gotta ask. How did it feel?
:'''Peggy''': What, to get the serum? Honest truth, not as different as you might think. 
:'''Steve''': Well, you've always been a fighter. In a way, the outside finally matches the inside. 
:'''Peggy''': The way people view me has changed. I'm no longer screaming to be heard, to be seen, to be in the room.
:'''Steve''': To be respected. ''[awkwardly takes a drink]'' Must be nice. I'm still that skinny kid from Brooklyn, now just in a big metal suit.
:'''Peggy''': You're more than the suit. The suit is nothing without the man inside it. ''[puts her hand on top of Steve's]'' You're my hero, Steve. ''[awkwardly removes her hand]'' I mean, you're ''a'' hero.
:'''Steve''': ''[chuckles]'' Hmm. You're my hero, too.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[battling an interdimensional creature while Howard struggles to decipher controls written in German]'' Don't tell me the American playboy needs help pushing buttons.
:'''[[w:Howard Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard Stark]]''': [[w:Hedy Lamarr|Hedy Lamarr]] and I spent a weekend together, but she wasn't teaching me German!

===[[w:What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?|What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?]]===
:'''[[w:Korath the Pursuer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Korath the Pursuer]]''': Who are you? Identify yourself!
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#Alternate version|Star-Lord T'Challa]]''': Who, me? I am just an ordinary junker. But there ''is'' one name you may know me by. ''[unmasks and steps into the light, revealing his face]''
:'''Korath''': ''[stammers]'' Oh, my... ''Star-Lord!'' I'm a ''huge'' fan of your work! What are you doing here?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': That was not the reaction I was expecting.

----
:'''Korath''': ''[to T'Challa]'' How exactly did you stop Thanos, the Mad Titan, from decimating half the universe? 
:''[A large purple arm goes across Korath's shoulders.]'' 
:'''Korath''': ''[scared]'' Oh no.
:'''[[w:Thanos (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thanos]]''': I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong. T'Challa here showed me there was more than one way to reallocate the universe's resources. 
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Sometimes the best weapon in your arsenal is just a good argument.
:'''Thanos''': Aye, aye, commander. Although I still assert [[w:Avengers: Infinity War|my plan]] was not without its merits.
:''[Everyone groans and scoffs.]''
:'''[[w:Kraglin Obfonteri (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Kraglin Obfonteri]]''': Pretty sure it's still just genocide, big guy.
:'''Thanos''': And I'm pretty sure it's efficient.

----
:''[T'Challa is listening to the broadcast message of the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:T'Chaka (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Chaka]]''': ''[as a hologram]'' &quot;My son, T'Challa, Crown Prince of [[w:Wakanda|Wakanda]], was abducted from Earth by an alien spacecraft. If you have any information regarding his whereabouts, we ask that you respond to this homing beacon. And T'Challa,...&quot;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': ''Baba'' (&quot;Father&quot;).
:'''T'Chaka''': &quot;... if you are out there, you're one bright burning light in the night sky of billions. And we will search every last one of them until we find you, on this plane or the next.&quot;

----
:''[T'Challa, Yondu, and Cosmo are flying in the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:Nebula (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nebula]]''': ''[Via hologram]'' All crew members present and accounted for by some miracle.
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Then I will see you at the rendezvous.
:'''Nebula''': ''[Via hologram]'' Copy that, Cha-Cha. ''[The hologram turns off]''
:''[Cosmo licks T'Challa as Yondu approaches them.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Yondu Udonta|Yondu Udonta]]''': Looks like we've got a stowaway. ''[Sits down]''
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': You always did have a soft spot for runaways.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Look, uh, T'Challa, I just wanted to say&amp;ndash;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': There's no need. I was the one who told you I wanted to see the world. All you did was show me the universe.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Oh, yeah. She really is a beaut, isn't she?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': I've always felt at home up here. But now, knowing everything, I'm not quite sure where I belong.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Seen a lot of space travelers in my day, kid. And if I learned anything from watching you, on any planet, among any people, there ain't no place in this galaxy where you don't belong. ''[Brings up a hologram of Earth]'' Where you wanna be, that's the question, isn't it? You're just gonna have to follow your heart on that one, Mr. Star-Lord.
:''[T'Challa looks at Earth with a look of fondness.]''

----
:''[Peter is listening to music and mopping the floor when he notices Ego behind him.]''
:'''[[w:Peter Quill (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Quill]]''': ''[Removes his headphones]'' Uh, sorry, we're closed.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Ego|Ego the Living Planet]]''': What, Peter? Can't spare a little time for dear old Dad? ''[His eyes glow]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Closing narration]'' Too bad this might spell the end of the world, but that's a story for another day.

----
:::'''''Closing credits tribute''': &quot;Dedicated to our friend, our inspiration, and our hero Chadwick Boseman.&quot;''

===[[w:What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?|What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?]]===
:'''[[w:Nick Fury (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nick Fury]]''': ''[answering a cell call from Natasha]'' I'm a little busy here, Widow.
:'''[[w:Natasha Romanoff (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Natasha Romanoff]]:''' Oh, good. We'll start a support group. I've got [[w:Thaddeus Ross (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|General Ross]], a dozen snipers and a few tanks. What are ''you'' dealing with?
:'''Fury''': [[w:Asgard (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Space Vikings]].
:'''Natasha:''' Showoff.

----
:''[Loki is still attacking the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents with the casket.]''
:'''Nick Fury''': Declaring war on this planet will not bring your prince back!
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Sif|Sif]]''': ''[Stops Loki]'' Wait. He's not wrong. The All-Father would want us to listen.
:'''Nick Fury''': We have the same enemy here. The person who killed your brother also killed two of my people. Good people. We should be working together.
:'''[[w:Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Loki]]''': We are not allies.
:'''Nick Fury''': Then let me help you. I promise, when I find your brother's killer, you will have your pound of flesh.
:'''Loki''': ''[Takes the staff that a member of the Einherjar has handed him]'' What a fascinating choice of words. But I shall require the entire corpse.
:'''Nick Fury''': You need to give me time.
:'''Loki''': ''[Glances at the sun, then turns back to Fury]'' Very well. You have until the next rise of Midgard's sun to deliver my brother's assassin, or I will reduce this planet to ash and ice.

----
:'''[[w:Phil Coulson|Phil Coulson]]''': ''[nervously]'' Why do you need ''my'' password?
:'''Natasha:''' ''[sighs]'' I need to get into the Avengers Initiative files, but I'm locked out of the system. And wanted for murder.
:'''Coulson''': I'm not telling you my password, Romanoff.
:'''Natasha:''' Why not?
:'''Coulson''': Because I'm not.
:'''Natasha:''' Coulson. Clint was your friend, too.
:'''Coulson''': ''#SteveSteveSteveIHeartSteve0704''.
:'''Natasha:''' Wow. Good one, Coulson.
:'''Coulson''': What?
:'''Natasha:''' No, nothing. That's great. Thank you.

----
:''[Natasha hears someone behind her.]''
:'''Natasha''': You won't win. ''[Stands up and turns to face the person]'' Not against me. Not against S.H.I.E.L.D.
:''[Natasha gets thrown around repeatedly, dropping her phone in the process.]''
:'''Nick Fury's voicemail''': You found me. You know what to do.
:''[Natasha keeps getting thrown around until she is thrown up the ceiling, then falls on the floor.]''
:'''Natasha''': ''[Crawls towards her phone]'' Fury, it's Hope! It's all about Hope! ''[Gets dragged into the darkness]''

----
:'''Loki''': ''[addressing a subjugated Earth from the [[w:United Nations Headquarters|United Nations Headquarters]]]'' Good evening, my loyal subjects. It is with great pride that I stand before you today to announce that in just one day's time, the nations of Earth have put aside their differences and united under my command. It's the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom hobbles you, diminishes your life's joy. You were ''made'' to be ''ruled''. So I have come... to help you fulfill... your destiny.

----
:'''Coulson''': The Avengers fell before they had a chance to rise. May they rest in peace.
:'''Fury''': ''They'' can. But we won't. The Avengers were ''always'' meant to be more than a team. They were an idea, the affirmation of humanity's need to believe that in our darkest hour, we will find our heroes.

===[[w:What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?|What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?]]===
:'''O'Bengh''': Is ''she'' worth the pain? ''[off Strange's look]'' A man does not suffer like this for his own glory.
:'''[[w:Stephen Strange (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Stephen Strange]]''': Every moment of it.
:'''O'Bengh''': There is a fine line between devotion and delusion. Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.
:'''Strange''': ''[sarcastically]'' Uh-huh. And in which book did you read that?
:'''O'Bengh''': ''[chuckles]'' No book, [[w:Armani|Armani]]. ''Life'' taught me.

----
:''[The Watcher observes Strange absorb the energies of ever-more-powerful mystical creatures.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both thinking out loud and narrating to the viewer]'' He's on the wrong path. I could warn him. Intervene. But the fate of ''his'' universe is not worth risking the safety of all others. Besides, I doubt he'd listen.
:'''Dr. Strange''': ''[hears the Watcher's voice, and looks around, but does not find him]'' Hello? Who's there?

----
:'''Dr. Strange''': The [[w:Ancient One (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ancient One]] warned us. If we save Christine, we destroy the world.
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[sighs]'' I told you, she doesn't understand. We ''love'' Christine. 
:'''Dr. Strange''': This isn't love. Look at this. ''[gestures at the decaying world]'' This is arrogance. This is our need to ''fix'' everything. It's what drove us to study the mystic arts in the first place.
:'''Strange Supreme''': And look where we are.
:'''Dr. Strange''': Deranged.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I will be whole again.
:'''Dr. Strange''': No. Your marbles are long gone.

----
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[as his universe falls apart,  Strange spots the Watcher in the shadows]'' You! You can stop this. Please, fix this.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[showing himself]'' The same way you fixed Christine?
:'''[[w:Christine Palmer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Christine Palmer]]''': What?
:'''Strange Supreme''': I was wrong. I...
:'''The Watcher''': You were warned.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I know. But the world! The world shouldn't pay for my arrogance. I read about you. Sensed your presence. You're a god. You can undo this.
:'''The Watcher''': I'm not a god. And neither are you.
:'''Strange Supreme''': Then punish me! Not the world, not Christine.
:'''The Watcher''': Honestly, if I could fix this, if I could punish you instead, I would. But I can't interfere. You, more than anyone else, should understand that meddling with time and events only leads to more destruction.

----
:''[Strange Supreme is holding Christine as she slowly starts to dissolve into black ooze.]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': Christine. Oh, no. I'm sorry.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Christine Palmer|Christine Palmer]]''': Stephen&amp;ndash; what did you do? ''[Finally dissolves into black ooze]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Devastated]'' No, no, no, no, no. ''[Holds his head and sobs]'' I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.

===[[w:What If... Zombies?!|What If... Zombies?!]]===
:'''[[w:Peter Parker (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Parker]]''': ''[Making an intro for a [[w:Zombie apocalypse|Zombie apocalypse]] orientation video]'' New York! Home of the [[w:New York Mets|Mets]], the [[w:Chrysler Building|Chrysler Building]], those ladies from ''[[w:Sex and the City|Sex and the City]]'', and now, the ''zombie apocalypse!!'' If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. But first, you have to not get eaten.

----
:''[While driving to Grand Central Terminal in a miniature van.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Happy Hogan|Happy Hogan]]''': Zombie-freakin'-apocalypse, and ''somehow'', I'm still driving.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Okoye|Okoye]]''': What is the problem? I thought you were an [[w:Uber|Uber driver]].
:'''Happy Hogan''': No. No, I'm a ''personal chauffeur''. There's a difference.
:''[A zombie appears before the van. Happy screams in fright, then slams his fist on a button, enlarging the van and making the zombie explode.]''
:'''Happy Hogan''': All right, everybody, it's Grand Central.

----
:''[The group enter the station.]''
:'''Okoye''': Hope, Banner, Parker, track seven. See if you can hot-wire the train.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Kurt|Kurt]]''': Sounds like job for criminal. I will help.
:'''Peter Parker''': Uh, splitting up? Do you guys just ''not have'' [[w:Horror film|horror movies]] in Wakanda?
:'''Okoye''': We don't need them. We have American [[w:Reality television|reality shows]].
:'''Kurt''': Boom goes the dynamite. That was solid burn on all of us.
:''[As Peter, Bruce, Hope, and Kurt go to hot-wire a train, Bucky, Okoye, Sharon, and Happy remain behind.]''
:'''Okoye''': The rest of us will stay here and guard the perimeter.
:''[Happy moves his hand up and down his arm as if he is reloading a gun.]''

----
:''[The train rides by as the Watcher looks on. Hope is lying on one of the seats with Bruce, Bucky, and Okoye by her side.]''
:'''[[w:Bruce Banner (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bruce Banner]]''': ''[Examines Hope's arm]'' Heart rate's elevated. Temperature's&amp;ndash; ''[Puts his hand on Hope's forehead]'' &amp;ndash;not going in the right direction.
:'''[[w:Hope van Dyne|Hope van Dyne]]''': Then we both know what you have to do.
:'''Okoye''': No. Not when we could minutes away from a cure.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Grunts in pain]'' Can we really take that risk?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Approaches Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye, to Hope]'' It's not risk. It's hope. And anyone who's seen a zombie movie knows that that's the key to survival. Plus, it's also your ''name'', and that's gotta mean something.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Oh, kid. How do you do it?
:'''Peter Parker''': See all these movies? AV club.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': No. No, how do you stay so&amp;ndash; upbeat, after everything?
:'''Peter Parker''': Practice, I guess. My mom, dad, [[w:Uncle Ben|Uncle Ben]], Mr. Stark. Now Happy. I've... I've lost a lot. But my [[w:Aunt May|Aunt May]] says&amp;ndash; ''used to'' say&amp;ndash; that if we don't keep smiling when they can't, then we might as well just be gone, too. And&amp;ndash; ''[Takes Hope's hand]'' Well, they'd want us to keep going.
:''[Bruce puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and gives him a reassuring look.]''
:'''Kurt''': ''[Enters]'' Guys, uh, bad news, team. The train has run out of fuel.
:'''Bruce Banner''': How far away are we from Camp Lehigh?
:'''Kurt''': Well, on the bright side, we are at least closer than we were.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Groans in pain]'' And the not-bright side?
:'''Kurt''': We're going to have to walk through that. ''[Points his thumb towards the window]''
:''[Peter, Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye look out the window to see a horde of zombies.]''
:'''[[w:Bucky Barnes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bucky Barnes]]''': Well, looks like out draft cards just got pulled.
:'''Okoye''': We will not make it through them.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': But you can make over them. ''[Stands up]''
:'''Peter Parker''': No, no. Hope, no.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Listen to me. We all know my time's up, okay? And if I have to go, I might as well go out fixing the mess I started.
:'''Bruce Banner''': Oh, come on, Hope. It's not your fault.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': I was so obsessed with bringing my mom back&amp;ndash; that I never considered what I might bring back with her. ''[To Peter]'' I started this, but you are gonna finish it.
:''[Peter nods with a look of determination.]''

----
:''[Peter, Scott, T'Challa, and the Cloak are flying to Wakanda. Peter sleeps on the windowsill. He wakes up to look at the sun as they fly over the ocean.]''
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Challa]]''': ETA, 20 minutes.
:'''[[w:Scott Lang (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Scott Lang]]''': Well, put another &quot;W&quot; on the board for the Avengers. ''[Notices that Peter and T'Challa aren't reacting]'' Go ahead, high-five. It's okay, I won't feel left out.
:'''T'Challa''': ''[To Peter]'' You all right?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Sighs]'' Last year, Mr. Stark asked me to join the Avengers. I turned him down, and now, they're all gone. And I'm still here.
:'''T'Challa''': In my culture, death is not the end. They are still with us, as long as we do not forget them.
:'''Scott Lang''': Plus, they're not all gone. Me. You still have me.
:'''Peter Parker''': Oh. I'm so sor&amp;ndash; I-I forgot. You are an Avenger.
:'''Scott Lang''': Totally. Big time. Well, maybe not officially. But, you know, at heart.
:'''T'Challa''': Good. The world could use a little heart right now.
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Holding the Mind Stone]'' And once we get this to Wakanda, we're gonna save the world.
:''[The four continue flying to Wakanda.]''

===[[w:What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?|What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?]]===
:'''[[w:Happy Hogan (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Happy Hogan]]''': ''[After knocking out Stane]'' Ah, I never liked that guy.

----
:'''[[w:Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Tony Stark]]''': I owe it all to you. And that's why I want you by my side 24-7 as my new COO.
:'''[[w:Pepper Potts (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Pepper Potts]]''': Wait. You're giving him [[w:Obadiah Stane (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Obadiah]]'s job?
:'''[[w:Killmonger (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Erik &quot;Killmonger&quot; Stevens]]''': Yeah, I-I dunno, Mr. Stark. I think I'm more of a soldier.
:'''Stark''': Which is why it's perfect. You. Me. We'll be like [[w:Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid|Butch and Sundance]].
:'''Pepper''': They ''died'' at the end, Tony.
:'''Stark''': Okay, bad example.

----
:'''Pepper''': [[w:Ulysses Klaue (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Ulysses Klaue]]? No, Tony. Absolutely not.
:'''Stark''': I'm sorry, are you allowed to say that to people in my tax bracket?

----
:'''[[w:James Rhodes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes]]''': ''[Weak from Killmonger's sonic gun attack]'' Erik, why?
:'''Killmonger''': Better question. Why wear the uniform of your own oppressors? Fight for them? ''Die'' for them?
:'''Rhodey''': Kid, you've gotta be ''part'' of the system to change the system.
:'''Killmonger''': Nah. ''[Rips off the US Army patch from Rhodey's arm]'' You can burn it down. ''[Stabs Rhodey, who collapses dead]''

----
:''[Killmonger has speared Stark to a wall, mortally wounding him.]''
:'''Stark''': For a minute, I really thought it was you and me against the world.
:'''Killmonger''': But we're not fighting the same battles, Tony.
:'''Stark''': ''[Groans in pain]'' Two gear-head orphans trying to do right by our fathers? We sound the same to me.
:'''Killmonger''': The difference between you and me... ''[Jams the spear further into Stark's body]'' ...is that you can't ''see'' the difference between you and me. ''[Stark dies]''

----
:''[Killmonger is standing on Mount Bashenga watching the sun as the Watcher looks on.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#T'Chaka / Black Panther|T'Chaka]]''': ''[Approaches Killmonger]'' Does it meet your expectations?
:'''Killmonger''': It surpasses them. I only wish we could share it with our brothers and sisters across the world.
:'''T'Chaka''': Your father wished the same. Perhaps that is why Bast has returned you to us.
:'''Killmonger''': I am a loyal servant of Wakanda, Your Majesty. ''[Kneels before T'Chaka]'' Let me be of service.

----
:''[Having taken the heart-shaped herb potion to become the new Black Panther, Killmonger visits the spirit plane and encounters T'Challa.]''
:'''T'Challa''': You believe the cure for human suffering is more suffering.
:'''Killmonger''': The cure is power. And now, ''I'' have it.
:'''T'Challa''': Because you stole it. Power, unearned, can be a be a ''very'' volatile force, cousin. It will get the best of you eventually. On your plane, or on ours.

===[[w:What If... Thor Were an Only Child?|What If... Thor Were an Only Child?]]===
:'''[[w:Jane Foster (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Jane Foster]]''': ''[speaking on the phone]'' Two years ago, the same anomaly struck Star Alpha Icarus and the entire star dimmed and then, poof, disintegrated. ''[indistinct voice answering]'' Yes, I ''know'' this is the Parks Department, isn't there something you can do?
:'''[[w:Darcy Lewis|Darcy Lewis]]''': ''[shouting]'' Talking about the end of the world, my dude!

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Jane''': I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna make first contact with an alien.
:'''Darcy''': First? I think half the [[w:Las Vegas Strip|Strip]] beat you to it. You can make first contact with, I dunno, ''that'' guy. He looks like a loser.
:'''[[w:Howard the Duck (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard the Duck]]''': ''[does a [[w:Spit take|spit take]] into his martini]'' Ha! Big talk coming from a brunette.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''[[w:Carol Danvers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Captain Marvel]]''': Hey, [[w:Whitesnake|Whitesnake]]. We need to chat.
:'''[[w:Thor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thor]]''': The name is Thor, with a &quot;T&quot; and an &quot;R&quot; and an &quot;O&quot; ... and an &quot;H&quot;. But not in that order.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Thor''': You called my mother on me. That wasn't a cool thing to do, but it was the right thing. So, thank you.
:'''Jane''': You're welcome.

===[[w:What If... Ultron Won?|What If... Ultron Won?]]===
:'''[[w:Clint Barton (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Clint Barton]]''': No. Don't say it.
:'''Natasha Romanoff''': ''[offering Clint's severed cybernetic arm]'' What? &quot;Need a hand?&quot; Come on. I feel like you should know me by now. Puns aren't really my style.

----
:'''Carol Danvers''': ''[confronting Ultron in Xandar]'' Listen, [[w:Skynet (Terminator)|Skynet]], I've seen [[w:The Terminator|the killer robot movie]] and I gotta say, I really don't think it needs [[w:Terminator 2: Judgement Day|a sequel]].

----
:''[Ultron has destroyed all humanoid life in his universe and starts to go dormant. The image of the Watcher appears behind him.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both observing and narrating]'' The realization nearly broke the machine. With his mission complete, Ultron was now just a program without a purpose. The victor without a war, sentenced to spend all of eternity alone.
:''[As the Watcher speaks, Ultron reanimates and starts looking about.]''
:'''[[w:Ultron (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ultron]]''': Who … Who said that?
:'''The Watcher''': Basking in the boundless silence of his universe, Ultron ascended to a previously unattainable level of consciousness. He became aware of another. ''[Ultron turns around]'' He became aware of the…
:'''Ultron''': I see you. ''[The Watcher gasps in horror]'' There are universes beyond my own.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[horrified]'' I…have seen everything that has ever happened. Ever will happen. Ever ''could'' happen. And yet, what the hell is '''THIS?'''

----
:'''Ultron''': ''[to a defeated Watcher]'' The entire [[w:Multiverse (Marvel Comics)|multiverse]] at your fingertips, and you spent all your time up there. ''[levitates the Watcher towards him]'' Wow. Isn't this more fun than just watching? And to be honest, a lot less creepy on your part. ''[he tries to finish off the Watcher, but the Watcher fights back and teleports away]'' Run, watch, it doesn't matter. ''[teleports into the Watcher's observatory]'' From here, I can see everything. No one can stop me now.

----
:''[The Watcher is sitting in despair when he turns to see Strange Supreme, who smiles reassuringly.]''
:'''The Watcher''': I'm out of options. That ''thing'' has left me no choice. 
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Chuckles]'' Been there. Been living the dream alone in a prison of my own making ever since. Are you ready to break your oath?
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Stands up]'' You want me to ''say'' it?
:'''Strange Supreme''': Oh, yeah. ''Oh'', yeah. I wanna ''hear'' you say it.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Thinks for a moment, then considers]'' Okay. I can't believe I'm about to say this. I ''see'' now. I need your help.

===[[w:What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?|What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?]]===
:'''Natasha Romanoff (C'''aptain '''C'''arter's '''U'''niverse''')''': So, any plans for Saturday night?
:'''Captain Carter''': No, don't. Stop right there
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': You know, Bernard in Accounting was asking about you.
:'''Captain Carter''': Nothing good has ever followed the phrase 'Bernard in Accounting'.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': What if his name was Steve?
:'''Captain Carter''': Ouch! Just when we were becoming pals, Widow.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': But this Ultron could be hiding anywhere in the Multiverse?
:'''The Watcher''': Yes.
:'''Star Lord T'Challa''': Behind an army of killer robots?
:'''The Watcher''': Afraid so.
:'''[[w:Gamora (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Gamora]]''': And armed with a full set of stones?
:'''Strange Supreme''': She's got a point.
:'''The Watcher''': I never said it would be easy.
:'''Black Panther Killmonger''': This is a suicide mission.
:'''Party Prince Thor''': Um, excuse me, yeah. Is there a universe of Chinese food that has alternate dimension delivery? Tummy's getting rumbly. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[whispering aside to the Watcher]'' You picked them.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': I take it you know the Captain Carter on your universe?
:'''Strange Supreme''': No. Captain ''America''. In ''my'' universe, Steve Rogers received the serum.
:'''Captain Carter''': Now that ''would'' be a sight to see.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[While falling through the portal]''  Blimey&amp;ndash; bloody&amp;ndash; bollocks!

----
:'''Ultimate Ultron''': I can destroy galaxies with a thought. Why won't you ''DIE?!'' 

----
:'''Natasha Romanoff (from Episode 8)''': We're just ''stories'' to you. We're not ''real''. You watch us fight, win, lose. Tell me, did you make popcorn while Ultron murdered my friends and burned my world to the ground?
:'''The Watcher''': You are ''more'' than that to me.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': Are we?
:'''The Watcher''': You. Your stories. They... are everything to me.

----
:'''Loki''': ''[Knocks Fury down and points the scepter at him]'' You and your replacement Avengers fought valiantly, but now I think it's time you told me all your secrets. ''[Gets kicked in the face by Ep 8 Natasha, who picks up the scepter that he dropped]'' I was told you were dead.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': ''[Points the scepter at Loki]'' Same. ''[Strikes Loki with the scepter, neutralizing him]''
:'''Nick Fury''': ''[Stands up]'' You're not ''my'' Natasha, but something tells me you have her spirit.
:''[Ep 8 Natasha smiles.]''

----
:'''The Watcher''': That's it, isn't it? All creatures searching for a place to belong. To call home. As for me, I am the Watcher. The Multiverse, every single world, every story is my home. And I will protect it to the end.

----
:''[Captain Carter opens her eyes and looks around, but is punched in the face by Batroc.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Georges Batroc|Georges Batroc]]''': ''[Chuckles]'' I'm too fast. ''[Gets tasered from behind by Natasha (CCU)]''
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Don't tell me, he was your type?
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Stands up and hugs Natasha (CCU)]'' Oh, Widow, I've never been so happy to see you.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Did you hit your head or something?
:'''Captain Carter''': A few times, actually.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Well, shake it off, 'cause you're gonna want all your marbles for this one.

== Voice Cast ==
* [[w:Jeffrey Wright|Jeffrey Wright]] - [[w:Uatu (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|The Watcher]]
* [[w:Hayley Atwell|Hayley Atwell]] - Peggy Carter / Captain Carter
* [[w:Josh Keaton|Josh Keaton]] - Steve Rogers / Captain America and Steve Rogers / HYDRA Stomper
* [[w:Dominic Cooper|Dominic Cooper]] - Howard Stark
* [[w:Chadwick Boseman|Chadwick Boseman]] - T'Challa / Star-Lord and T'Challa / Black Panther
* [[w:Djimon Hounsou|Djimon Hounsou]] - Korath the Pursuer
* [[w:Josh Brolin|Josh Brolin]] - Thanos
* [[w:Sean Gunn|Sean Gunn]] - Kraglin Obfonteri
* [[w:John Kani|John Kani]] - T'Chaka
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] - Nick Fury
* [[w:Lake Bell|Lake Bell]] - Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow
* [[w:Clark Gregg|Clark Gregg]] - Phil Coulson
* [[w:Tom Hiddleston|Tom Hiddleston]] - Loki
* [[w:Benedict Cumberbatch|Benedict Cumberbatch]] - Dr. Stephen Strange and Doctor Strange Supreme
* [[w:Ike Amadi|Ike Amadi]] - O'Bengh
* [[w:Rachel McAdams|Rachel McAdams]] - Christine Palmer
* [[w:Mark Ruffalo|Mark Ruffalo]] - Bruce Banner / Hulk
* [[w:Hudson Thames|Hudson Thames]] - Peter Parker / Spider-Man
* [[w:Danai Gurira|Danai Gurira]] - Okoye
* [[w:Jon Favreau|Jon Favreau]] - Happy Hogan 
* [[w:Evangeline Lily|Evangeline Lily]] - Hope van Dyne / Wasp
* [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] - Kurt
* [[w:Mick Wingert|Mick Wingert]] - Tony Stark / Iron Man
* [[w:Beth Hoyt|Beth Hoyt]] - Pepper Potts
* [[w:Michael B. Jordan|Michael B. Jordan]] - Erik Stevens / N'Jadaka / Killmonger / Black Panther
* [[w:Don Cheadle|Don Cheadle]] - James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes
* [[w:Natalie Portman|Natalie Portman]] - Jane Foster
* [[w:Kat Dennings|Kat Dennings]] - Darcy Lewis
* [[w:Seth Green|Seth Green]] - Howard the Duck
* [[w:Alexandra Daniels|Alexandra Daniels]] - Carol Danvers / Captain Marvel
* [[w:Chris Hemsworth|Chris Hemsworth]] - Thor
* [[w:Jeremy Renner|Jeremy Renner]] - Clint Barton / Hawkeye
* [[w:Ross Marquand|Ross Marquand]] - Ultron
* [[w:Cynthia McWilliams|Cynthia McWilliams]] - Gamora

&lt;!--Please only add voice actors that are actually quoted on this page. Thanks. --&gt;

==External links==
{{wikipedia|What If...? (TV series)}}
*{{imdb title|10168312}}

[[Category:Marvel Cinematic Universe]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]
[[Category:Superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated superhero TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:What If...? (TV series)|What If...?]]''''' is an animated [[w:Anthology series|anthology series]] on the streaming service [[w:Disney+|Disney+]]. It is based on the [[w:Marvel Comics|Marvel Comics]] series [[w:What If (comics)|of the same name]], but focuses on events within the [[w:List of Marvel Cinematic Universe films|Marvel Cinematic Universe films]] (MCU). The series explores various alternate timelines from the MCU in which major moments occur differently. 

==Season 1==

&lt;center&gt;
'''Introduction:'''&lt;br/&gt;'' '''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Watcher|The Watcher]]''': Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility. Where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am the Watcher. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me and ponder the question... &quot;What if?&quot;''
&lt;/center&gt;

===[[w:What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?|What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?]]===
:''[Peggy is beating a punching bag as Steve, who is walking between two walking bars, looks on. Peggy keeps beating the bag until the force of her punch causes it to detach from the chain and fly against the wall.]''
:'''[[w:Steve Rogers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Steve Rogers]]''': Nice left hook.
:'''[[w:Peggy Carter (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peggy Carter]]''': Not according to Col. Flynn&amp;ndash; ''[Uses her foot to flip a dumbbell disc into her hand]'' &amp;ndash;that weapons-grade moron! ''[Throws the disc against the wall next to other dumbbell discs that were already lodged against it]'' If only I was allowed to do that to Hitler's head.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Well, it could be worse. Flynn could stick your on one of those USO tours. Wear a crazy costume, being told to smile ten times a day.
:'''Peggy Carter''': He wouldn't. He couldn't. Could he?
:''[Steve shrugs before he and Peggy look out the window to see the soldiers marching.]''
:'''Steve Rogers''': Bucky. He's a buddy of mine from Brooklyn. He just deployed with the 107th. The army won't even tell me where he's going.
:'''Peggy Carter''': We all have someone fighting for us. Would be nice if we could fight for them. I'm sorry. You were meant to be the one to end the war.
:'''Steve Rogers''': Now you will. And don't worry about me. I never was much of a dancer anyway.
:'''Peggy Carter''': Maybe you haven't found the right partner.
:''[Steve and Peggy smile at each other.]''

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Puts down the Tesseract on Flynn's desk]'' The war's out there, Colonel, not in here. If we're going to win, it won't be with me stuck behind a desk.
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Is this nuclear?
:'''Captain Carter''': Are you listening?
:'''Col. John Flynn''': ''[Looks up at Peggy]'' You're an agent. You're not qualified for field duty.
:'''Captain Carter''': Then you better promote me. &quot;Captain&quot; has a nice ring to it. ''[To Howard]'' I trust you know what to do with that. ''[Walks away]''
:'''Howard Stark''': ''[Staring at the Tesseract]'' Oh, I know exactly what to do with this.

----
:'''Steve Rogers''': ''[wearing an armored battle suit resembling the [[w:Iron Man's armor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#List of armors|Iron Man Mark I]] armor]'' Stark made me some new dancing shoes. What do you think?
:'''Captain Carter''': Well, then we better start dancing.

----
:'''Steve''': Okay. Okay, I gotta ask. How did it feel?
:'''Peggy''': What, to get the serum? Honest truth, not as different as you might think. 
:'''Steve''': Well, you've always been a fighter. In a way, the outside finally matches the inside. 
:'''Peggy''': The way people view me has changed. I'm no longer screaming to be heard, to be seen, to be in the room.
:'''Steve''': To be respected. ''[awkwardly takes a drink]'' Must be nice. I'm still that skinny kid from Brooklyn, now just in a big metal suit.
:'''Peggy''': You're more than the suit. The suit is nothing without the man inside it. ''[puts her hand on top of Steve's]'' You're my hero, Steve. ''[awkwardly removes her hand]'' I mean, you're ''a'' hero.
:'''Steve''': ''[chuckles]'' Hmm. You're my hero, too.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[battling an interdimensional creature while Howard struggles to decipher controls written in German]'' Don't tell me the American playboy needs help pushing buttons.
:'''[[w:Howard Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard Stark]]''': [[w:Hedy Lamarr|Hedy Lamarr]] and I spent a weekend together, but she wasn't teaching me German!

===[[w:What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?|What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?]]===
:'''[[w:Korath the Pursuer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Korath the Pursuer]]''': Who are you? Identify yourself!
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)#Alternate version|Star-Lord T'Challa]]''': Who, me? I am just an ordinary junker. But there ''is'' one name you may know me by. ''[unmasks and steps into the light, revealing his face]''
:'''Korath''': ''[stammers]'' Oh, my... ''Star-Lord!'' I'm a ''huge'' fan of your work! What are you doing here?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': That was not the reaction I was expecting.

----
:'''Korath''': ''[to T'Challa]'' How exactly did you stop Thanos, the Mad Titan, from decimating half the universe? 
:''[A large purple arm goes across Korath's shoulders.]'' 
:'''Korath''': ''[scared]'' Oh no.
:'''[[w:Thanos (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thanos]]''': I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong. T'Challa here showed me there was more than one way to reallocate the universe's resources. 
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Sometimes the best weapon in your arsenal is just a good argument.
:'''Thanos''': Aye, aye, commander. Although I still assert [[w:Avengers: Infinity War|my plan]] was not without its merits.
:''[Everyone groans and scoffs.]''
:'''[[w:Kraglin Obfonteri (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Kraglin Obfonteri]]''': Pretty sure it's still just genocide, big guy.
:'''Thanos''': And I'm pretty sure it's efficient.

----
:''[T'Challa is listening to the broadcast message of the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:T'Chaka (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Chaka]]''': ''[as a hologram]'' &quot;My son, T'Challa, Crown Prince of [[w:Wakanda|Wakanda]], was abducted from Earth by an alien spacecraft. If you have any information regarding his whereabouts, we ask that you respond to this homing beacon. And T'Challa,...&quot;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': ''Baba'' (&quot;Father&quot;).
:'''T'Chaka''': &quot;... if you are out there, you're one bright burning light in the night sky of billions. And we will search every last one of them until we find you, on this plane or the next.&quot;

----
:''[T'Challa, Yondu, and Cosmo are flying in the Wakandan starship.]''
:'''[[w:Nebula (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nebula]]''': ''[Via hologram]'' All crew members present and accounted for by some miracle.
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': Then I will see you at the rendezvous.
:'''Nebula''': ''[Via hologram]'' Copy that, Cha-Cha. ''[The hologram turns off]''
:''[Cosmo licks T'Challa as Yondu approaches them.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Yondu Udonta|Yondu Udonta]]''': Looks like we've got a stowaway. ''[Sits down]''
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': You always did have a soft spot for runaways.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Look, uh, T'Challa, I just wanted to say&amp;ndash;
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': There's no need. I was the one who told you I wanted to see the world. All you did was show me the universe.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Oh, yeah. She really is a beaut, isn't she?
:'''Star-Lord T'Challa''': I've always felt at home up here. But now, knowing everything, I'm not quite sure where I belong.
:'''Yondu Udonta''': Seen a lot of space travelers in my day, kid. And if I learned anything from watching you, on any planet, among any people, there ain't no place in this galaxy where you don't belong. ''[Brings up a hologram of Earth]'' Where you wanna be, that's the question, isn't it? You're just gonna have to follow your heart on that one, Mr. Star-Lord.
:''[T'Challa looks at Earth with a look of fondness.]''

----
:''[Peter is listening to music and mopping the floor when he notices Ego behind him.]''
:'''[[w:Peter Quill (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Quill]]''': ''[Removes his headphones]'' Uh, sorry, we're closed.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Ego|Ego the Living Planet]]''': What, Peter? Can't spare a little time for dear old Dad? ''[His eyes glow]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Closing narration]'' Too bad this might spell the end of the world, but that's a story for another day.

----
:::'''''Closing credits tribute''': &quot;Dedicated to our friend, our inspiration, and our hero Chadwick Boseman.&quot;''

===[[w:What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?|What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?]]===
:'''[[w:Nick Fury (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Nick Fury]]''': ''[answering a cell call from Natasha]'' I'm a little busy here, Widow.
:'''[[w:Natasha Romanoff (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Natasha Romanoff]]:''' Oh, good. We'll start a support group. I've got [[w:Thaddeus Ross (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|General Ross]], a dozen snipers and a few tanks. What are ''you'' dealing with?
:'''Fury''': [[w:Asgard (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Space Vikings]].
:'''Natasha:''' Showoff.

----
:''[Loki is still attacking the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents with the casket.]''
:'''Nick Fury''': Declaring war on this planet will not bring your prince back!
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Sif|Sif]]''': ''[Stops Loki]'' Wait. He's not wrong. The All-Father would want us to listen.
:'''Nick Fury''': We have the same enemy here. The person who killed your brother also killed two of my people. Good people. We should be working together.
:'''[[w:Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Loki]]''': We are not allies.
:'''Nick Fury''': Then let me help you. I promise, when I find your brother's killer, you will have your pound of flesh.
:'''Loki''': ''[Takes the staff that a member of the Einherjar has handed him]'' What a fascinating choice of words. But I shall require the entire corpse.
:'''Nick Fury''': You need to give me time.
:'''Loki''': ''[Glances at the sun, then turns back to Fury]'' Very well. You have until the next rise of Midgard's sun to deliver my brother's assassin, or I will reduce this planet to ash and ice.

----
:'''[[w:Phil Coulson|Phil Coulson]]''': ''[nervously]'' Why do you need ''my'' password?
:'''Natasha:''' ''[sighs]'' I need to get into the Avengers Initiative files, but I'm locked out of the system. And wanted for murder.
:'''Coulson''': I'm not telling you my password, Romanoff.
:'''Natasha:''' Why not?
:'''Coulson''': Because I'm not.
:'''Natasha:''' Coulson. Clint was your friend, too.
:'''Coulson''': ''#SteveSteveSteveIHeartSteve0704''.
:'''Natasha:''' Wow. Good one, Coulson.
:'''Coulson''': What?
:'''Natasha:''' No, nothing. That's great. Thank you.

----
:''[Natasha hears someone behind her.]''
:'''Natasha''': You won't win. ''[Stands up and turns to face the person]'' Not against me. Not against S.H.I.E.L.D.
:''[Natasha gets thrown around repeatedly, dropping her phone in the process.]''
:'''Nick Fury's voicemail''': You found me. You know what to do.
:''[Natasha keeps getting thrown around until she is thrown up the ceiling, then falls on the floor.]''
:'''Natasha''': ''[Crawls towards her phone]'' Fury, it's Hope! It's all about Hope! ''[Gets dragged into the darkness]''

----
:'''Loki''': ''[addressing a subjugated Earth from the [[w:United Nations Headquarters|United Nations Headquarters]]]'' Good evening, my loyal subjects. It is with great pride that I stand before you today to announce that in just one day's time, the nations of Earth have put aside their differences and united under my command. It's the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom hobbles you, diminishes your life's joy. You were ''made'' to be ''ruled''. So I have come... to help you fulfill... your destiny.

----
:'''Coulson''': The Avengers fell before they had a chance to rise. May they rest in peace.
:'''Fury''': ''They'' can. But we won't. The Avengers were ''always'' meant to be more than a team. They were an idea, the affirmation of humanity's need to believe that in our darkest hour, we will find our heroes.

===[[w:What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?|What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?]]===
:'''O'Bengh''': Is ''she'' worth the pain? ''[off Strange's look]'' A man does not suffer like this for his own glory.
:'''[[w:Stephen Strange (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Stephen Strange]]''': Every moment of it.
:'''O'Bengh''': There is a fine line between devotion and delusion. Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.
:'''Strange''': ''[sarcastically]'' Uh-huh. And in which book did you read that?
:'''O'Bengh''': ''[chuckles]'' No book, [[w:Armani|Armani]]. ''Life'' taught me.

----
:''[The Watcher observes Strange absorb the energies of ever-more-powerful mystical creatures.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both thinking out loud and narrating to the viewer]'' He's on the wrong path. I could warn him. Intervene. But the fate of ''his'' universe is not worth risking the safety of all others. Besides, I doubt he'd listen.
:'''Dr. Strange''': ''[hears the Watcher's voice, and looks around, but does not find him]'' Hello? Who's there?

----
:'''Dr. Strange''': The [[w:Ancient One (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ancient One]] warned us. If we save Christine, we destroy the world.
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[sighs]'' I told you, she doesn't understand. We ''love'' Christine. 
:'''Dr. Strange''': This isn't love. Look at this. ''[gestures at the decaying world]'' This is arrogance. This is our need to ''fix'' everything. It's what drove us to study the mystic arts in the first place.
:'''Strange Supreme''': And look where we are.
:'''Dr. Strange''': Deranged.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I will be whole again.
:'''Dr. Strange''': No. Your marbles are long gone.

----
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[as his universe falls apart,  Strange spots the Watcher in the shadows]'' You! You can stop this. Please, fix this.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[showing himself]'' The same way you fixed Christine?
:'''[[w:Christine Palmer (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Christine Palmer]]''': What?
:'''Strange Supreme''': I was wrong. I...
:'''The Watcher''': You were warned.
:'''Strange Supreme''': I know. But the world! The world shouldn't pay for my arrogance. I read about you. Sensed your presence. You're a god. You can undo this.
:'''The Watcher''': I'm not a god. And neither are you.
:'''Strange Supreme''': Then punish me! Not the world, not Christine.
:'''The Watcher''': Honestly, if I could fix this, if I could punish you instead, I would. But I can't interfere. You, more than anyone else, should understand that meddling with time and events only leads to more destruction.

----
:''[Strange Supreme is holding Christine as she slowly starts to dissolve into black ooze.]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': Christine. Oh, no. I'm sorry.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Christine Palmer|Christine Palmer]]''': Stephen&amp;ndash; what did you do? ''[Finally dissolves into black ooze]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Devastated]'' No, no, no, no, no. ''[Holds his head and sobs]'' I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.

===[[w:What If... Zombies?!|What If... Zombies?!]]===
:'''[[w:Peter Parker (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Peter Parker]]''': ''[Making an intro for a [[w:Zombie apocalypse|Zombie apocalypse]] orientation video]'' New York! Home of the [[w:New York Mets|Mets]], the [[w:Chrysler Building|Chrysler Building]], those ladies from ''[[w:Sex and the City|Sex and the City]]'', and now, the ''zombie apocalypse!!'' If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. But first, you have to not get eaten.

----
:''[While driving to Grand Central Terminal in a miniature van.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Happy Hogan|Happy Hogan]]''': Zombie-freakin'-apocalypse, and ''somehow'', I'm still driving.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#Okoye|Okoye]]''': What is the problem? I thought you were an [[w:Uber|Uber driver]].
:'''Happy Hogan''': No. No, I'm a ''personal chauffeur''. There's a difference.
:''[A zombie appears before the van. Happy screams in fright, then slams his fist on a button, enlarging the van and making the zombie explode.]''
:'''Happy Hogan''': All right, everybody, it's Grand Central.

----
:''[The group enter the station.]''
:'''Okoye''': Hope, Banner, Parker, track seven. See if you can hot-wire the train.
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Kurt|Kurt]]''': Sounds like job for criminal. I will help.
:'''Peter Parker''': Uh, splitting up? Do you guys just ''not have'' [[w:Horror film|horror movies]] in Wakanda?
:'''Okoye''': We don't need them. We have American [[w:Reality television|reality shows]].
:'''Kurt''': Boom goes the dynamite. That was solid burn on all of us.
:''[As Peter, Bruce, Hope, and Kurt go to hot-wire a train, Bucky, Okoye, Sharon, and Happy remain behind.]''
:'''Okoye''': The rest of us will stay here and guard the perimeter.
:''[Happy moves his hand up and down his arm as if he is reloading a gun.]''

----
:''[The train rides by as the Watcher looks on. Hope is lying on one of the seats with Bruce, Bucky, and Okoye by her side.]''
:'''[[w:Bruce Banner (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bruce Banner]]''': ''[Examines Hope's arm]'' Heart rate's elevated. Temperature's&amp;ndash; ''[Puts his hand on Hope's forehead]'' &amp;ndash;not going in the right direction.
:'''[[w:Hope van Dyne|Hope van Dyne]]''': Then we both know what you have to do.
:'''Okoye''': No. Not when we could minutes away from a cure.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Grunts in pain]'' Can we really take that risk?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Approaches Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye, to Hope]'' It's not risk. It's hope. And anyone who's seen a zombie movie knows that that's the key to survival. Plus, it's also your ''name'', and that's gotta mean something.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Oh, kid. How do you do it?
:'''Peter Parker''': See all these movies? AV club.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': No. No, how do you stay so&amp;ndash; upbeat, after everything?
:'''Peter Parker''': Practice, I guess. My mom, dad, [[w:Uncle Ben|Uncle Ben]], Mr. Stark. Now Happy. I've... I've lost a lot. But my [[w:Aunt May|Aunt May]] says&amp;ndash; ''used to'' say&amp;ndash; that if we don't keep smiling when they can't, then we might as well just be gone, too. And&amp;ndash; ''[Takes Hope's hand]'' Well, they'd want us to keep going.
:''[Bruce puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and gives him a reassuring look.]''
:'''Kurt''': ''[Enters]'' Guys, uh, bad news, team. The train has run out of fuel.
:'''Bruce Banner''': How far away are we from Camp Lehigh?
:'''Kurt''': Well, on the bright side, we are at least closer than we were.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': ''[Groans in pain]'' And the not-bright side?
:'''Kurt''': We're going to have to walk through that. ''[Points his thumb towards the window]''
:''[Peter, Bruce, Bucky, Hope, and Okoye look out the window to see a horde of zombies.]''
:'''[[w:Bucky Barnes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Bucky Barnes]]''': Well, looks like out draft cards just got pulled.
:'''Okoye''': We will not make it through them.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': But you can make over them. ''[Stands up]''
:'''Peter Parker''': No, no. Hope, no.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': Listen to me. We all know my time's up, okay? And if I have to go, I might as well go out fixing the mess I started.
:'''Bruce Banner''': Oh, come on, Hope. It's not your fault.
:'''Hope van Dyne''': I was so obsessed with bringing my mom back&amp;ndash; that I never considered what I might bring back with her. ''[To Peter]'' I started this, but you are gonna finish it.
:''[Peter nods with a look of determination.]''

----
:''[Peter, Scott, T'Challa, and the Cloak are flying to Wakanda. Peter sleeps on the windowsill. He wakes up to look at the sun as they fly over the ocean.]''
:'''[[w:T'Challa (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|T'Challa]]''': ETA, 20 minutes.
:'''[[w:Scott Lang (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Scott Lang]]''': Well, put another &quot;W&quot; on the board for the Avengers. ''[Notices that Peter and T'Challa aren't reacting]'' Go ahead, high-five. It's okay, I won't feel left out.
:'''T'Challa''': ''[To Peter]'' You all right?
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Sighs]'' Last year, Mr. Stark asked me to join the Avengers. I turned him down, and now, they're all gone. And I'm still here.
:'''T'Challa''': In my culture, death is not the end. They are still with us, as long as we do not forget them.
:'''Scott Lang''': Plus, they're not all gone. Me. You still have me.
:'''Peter Parker''': Oh. I'm so sor&amp;ndash; I-I forgot. You are an Avenger.
:'''Scott Lang''': Totally. Big time. Well, maybe not officially. But, you know, at heart.
:'''T'Challa''': Good. The world could use a little heart right now.
:'''Peter Parker''': ''[Holding the Mind Stone]'' And once we get this to Wakanda, we're gonna save the world.
:''[The four continue flying to Wakanda.]''

===[[w:What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?|What If... Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?]]===
:'''[[w:Happy Hogan (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Happy Hogan]]''': ''[After knocking out Stane]'' Ah, I never liked that guy.

----
:'''[[w:Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Tony Stark]]''': I owe it all to you. And that's why I want you by my side 24-7 as my new COO.
:'''[[w:Pepper Potts (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Pepper Potts]]''': Wait. You're giving him [[w:Obadiah Stane (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Obadiah]]'s job?
:'''[[w:Killmonger (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Erik &quot;Killmonger&quot; Stevens]]''': Yeah, I-I dunno, Mr. Stark. I think I'm more of a soldier.
:'''Stark''': Which is why it's perfect. You. Me. We'll be like [[w:Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid|Butch and Sundance]].
:'''Pepper''': They ''died'' at the end, Tony.
:'''Stark''': Okay, bad example.

----
:'''Pepper''': [[w:Ulysses Klaue (Marvel Cinematic Universe character)|Ulysses Klaue]]? No, Tony. Absolutely not.
:'''Stark''': I'm sorry, are you allowed to say that to people in my tax bracket?

----
:'''[[w:James Rhodes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes]]''': ''[Weak from Killmonger's sonic gun attack]'' Erik, why?
:'''Killmonger''': Better question. Why wear the uniform of your own oppressors? Fight for them? ''Die'' for them?
:'''Rhodey''': Kid, you've gotta be ''part'' of the system to change the system.
:'''Killmonger''': Nah. ''[Rips off the US Army patch from Rhodey's arm]'' You can burn it down. ''[Stabs Rhodey, who collapses dead]''

----
:''[Killmonger has speared Stark to a wall, mortally wounding him.]''
:'''Stark''': For a minute, I really thought it was you and me against the world.
:'''Killmonger''': But we're not fighting the same battles, Tony.
:'''Stark''': ''[Groans in pain]'' Two gear-head orphans trying to do right by our fathers? We sound the same to me.
:'''Killmonger''': The difference between you and me... ''[Jams the spear further into Stark's body]'' ...is that you can't ''see'' the difference between you and me. ''[Stark dies]''

----
:''[Killmonger is standing on Mount Bashenga watching the sun as the Watcher looks on.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: M–Z#T'Chaka / Black Panther|T'Chaka]]''': ''[Approaches Killmonger]'' Does it meet your expectations?
:'''Killmonger''': It surpasses them. I only wish we could share it with our brothers and sisters across the world.
:'''T'Chaka''': Your father wished the same. Perhaps that is why Bast has returned you to us.
:'''Killmonger''': I am a loyal servant of Wakanda, Your Majesty. ''[Kneels before T'Chaka]'' Let me be of service.

----
:''[Having taken the heart-shaped herb potion to become the new Black Panther, Killmonger visits the spirit plane and encounters T'Challa.]''
:'''T'Challa''': You believe the cure for human suffering is more suffering.
:'''Killmonger''': The cure is power. And now, ''I'' have it.
:'''T'Challa''': Because you stole it. Power, unearned, can be a be a ''very'' volatile force, cousin. It will get the best of you eventually. On your plane, or on ours.

===[[w:What If... Thor Were an Only Child?|What If... Thor Were an Only Child?]]===
:'''[[w:Jane Foster (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Jane Foster]]''': ''[speaking on the phone]'' Two years ago, the same anomaly struck Star Alpha Icarus and the entire star dimmed and then, poof, disintegrated. ''[indistinct voice answering]'' Yes, I ''know'' this is the Parks Department, isn't there something you can do?
:'''[[w:Darcy Lewis|Darcy Lewis]]''': ''[shouting]'' Talking about the end of the world, my dude!

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Jane''': I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna make first contact with an alien.
:'''Darcy''': First? I think half the [[w:Las Vegas Strip|Strip]] beat you to it. You can make first contact with, I dunno, ''that'' guy. He looks like a loser.
:'''[[w:Howard the Duck (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Howard the Duck]]''': ''[does a [[w:Spit take|spit take]] into his martini]'' Ha! Big talk coming from a brunette.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''[[w:Carol Danvers (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Captain Marvel]]''': Hey, [[w:Whitesnake|Whitesnake]]. We need to chat.
:'''[[w:Thor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Thor]]''': The name is Thor, with a &quot;T&quot; and an &quot;R&quot; and an &quot;O&quot; ... and an &quot;H&quot;. But not in that order.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Thor''': You called my mother on me. That wasn't a cool thing to do, but it was the right thing. So, thank you.
:'''Jane''': You're welcome.

===[[w:What If... Ultron Won?|What If... Ultron Won?]]===
:'''[[w:Clint Barton (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Clint Barton]]''': No. Don't say it.
:'''Natasha Romanoff''': ''[offering Clint's severed cybernetic arm]'' What? &quot;Need a hand?&quot; Come on. I feel like you should know me by now. Puns aren't really my style.

----
:'''Carol Danvers''': ''[confronting Ultron in Xandar]'' Listen, [[w:Skynet (Terminator)|Skynet]], I've seen [[w:The Terminator|the killer robot movie]] and I gotta say, I really don't think it needs [[w:Terminator 2: Judgement Day|a sequel]].

----
:''[Ultron has destroyed all humanoid life in his universe and starts to go dormant. The image of the Watcher appears behind him.]''
:'''The Watcher''': ''[both observing and narrating]'' The realization nearly broke the machine. With his mission complete, Ultron was now just a program without a purpose. The victor without a war, sentenced to spend all of eternity alone.
:''[As the Watcher speaks, Ultron reanimates and starts looking about.]''
:'''[[w:Ultron (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Ultron]]''': Who … Who said that?
:'''The Watcher''': Basking in the boundless silence of his universe, Ultron ascended to a previously unattainable level of consciousness. He became aware of another. ''[Ultron turns around]'' He became aware of the…
:'''Ultron''': I see you. ''[The Watcher gasps in horror]'' There are universes beyond my own.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[horrified]'' I…have seen everything that has ever happened. Ever will happen. Ever ''could'' happen. And yet, what the hell is '''THIS?'''

----
:'''Ultron''': ''[to a defeated Watcher]'' The entire [[w:Multiverse (Marvel Comics)|multiverse]] at your fingertips, and you spent all your time up there. ''[levitates the Watcher towards him]'' Wow. Isn't this more fun than just watching? And to be honest, a lot less creepy on your part. ''[he tries to finish off the Watcher, but the Watcher fights back and teleports away]'' Run, watch, it doesn't matter. ''[teleports into the Watcher's observatory]'' From here, I can see everything. No one can stop me now.

----
:''[The Watcher is sitting in despair when he turns to see Strange Supreme, who smiles reassuringly.]''
:'''The Watcher''': I'm out of options. That ''thing'' has left me no choice. 
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[Chuckles]'' Been there. Been living the dream alone in a prison of my own making ever since. Are you ready to break your oath?
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Stands up]'' You want me to ''say'' it?
:'''Strange Supreme''': Oh, yeah. ''Oh'', yeah. I wanna ''hear'' you say it.
:'''The Watcher''': ''[Thinks for a moment, then considers]'' Okay. I can't believe I'm about to say this. I ''see'' now. I need your help.

===[[w:What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?|What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?]]===
:'''Natasha Romanoff (C'''aptain '''C'''arter's '''U'''niverse''')''': So, any plans for Saturday night?
:'''Captain Carter''': No, don't. Stop right there
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': You know, Bernard in Accounting was asking about you.
:'''Captain Carter''': Nothing good has ever followed the phrase 'Bernard in Accounting'.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': What if his name was Steve?
:'''Captain Carter''': Ouch! Just when we were becoming pals, Widow.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': But this Ultron could be hiding anywhere in the Multiverse?
:'''The Watcher''': Yes.
:'''Star Lord T'Challa''': Behind an army of killer robots?
:'''The Watcher''': Afraid so.
:'''[[w:Gamora (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|Gamora]]''': And armed with a full set of stones?
:'''Strange Supreme''': She's got a point.
:'''The Watcher''': I never said it would be easy.
:'''Black Panther Killmonger''': This is a suicide mission.
:'''Party Prince Thor''': Um, excuse me, yeah. Is there a universe of Chinese food that has alternate dimension delivery? Tummy's getting rumbly. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Strange Supreme''': ''[whispering aside to the Watcher]'' You picked them.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': I take it you know the Captain Carter on your universe?
:'''Strange Supreme''': No. Captain ''America''. In ''my'' universe, Steve Rogers received the serum.
:'''Captain Carter''': Now that ''would'' be a sight to see.

----
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[While falling through the portal]''  Blimey&amp;ndash; bloody&amp;ndash; bollocks!

----
:'''Ultimate Ultron''': I can destroy galaxies with a thought. Why won't you ''DIE?!'' 

----
:'''Natasha Romanoff (from Episode 8)''': We're just ''stories'' to you. We're not ''real''. You watch us fight, win, lose. Tell me, did you make popcorn while Ultron murdered my friends and burned my world to the ground?
:'''The Watcher''': You are ''more'' than that to me.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': Are we?
:'''The Watcher''': You. Your stories. They... are everything to me.

----
:'''Loki''': ''[Knocks Fury down and points the scepter at him]'' You and your replacement Avengers fought valiantly, but now I think it's time you told me all your secrets. ''[Gets kicked in the face by Ep 8 Natasha, who picks up the scepter that he dropped]'' I was told you were dead.
:'''Ep 8 Natasha''': ''[Points the scepter at Loki]'' Same. ''[Strikes Loki with the scepter, neutralizing him]''
:'''Nick Fury''': ''[Stands up]'' You're not ''my'' Natasha, but something tells me you have her spirit.
:''[Ep 8 Natasha smiles.]''

----
:'''The Watcher''': That's it, isn't it? All creatures searching for a place to belong. To call home. As for me, I am the Watcher. The Multiverse, every single world, every story is my home. And I will protect it to the end.

----
:''[Captain Carter opens her eyes and looks around, but is punched in the face by Batroc.]''
:'''[[w:Characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: A–L#Georges Batroc|Georges Batroc]]''': ''[Chuckles]'' I'm too fast. ''[Gets tasered from behind by Natasha (CCU)]''
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Don't tell me, he was your type?
:'''Captain Carter''': ''[Stands up and hugs Natasha (CCU)]'' Oh, Widow, I've never been so happy to see you.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Did you hit your head or something?
:'''Captain Carter''': A few times, actually.
:'''Natasha Romanoff (CCU)''': Well, shake it off, 'cause you're gonna want all your marbles for this one.

== Voice Cast ==
* [[w:Jeffrey Wright|Jeffrey Wright]] - [[w:Uatu (Marvel Cinematic Universe)|The Watcher]]
* [[w:Hayley Atwell|Hayley Atwell]] - Peggy Carter / Captain Carter
* [[w:Josh Keaton|Josh Keaton]] - Steve Rogers / Captain America and Steve Rogers / HYDRA Stomper
* [[w:Dominic Cooper|Dominic Cooper]] - Howard Stark
* [[w:Chadwick Boseman|Chadwick Boseman]] - T'Challa / Star-Lord and T'Challa / Black Panther
* [[w:Djimon Hounsou|Djimon Hounsou]] - Korath the Pursuer
* [[w:Josh Brolin|Josh Brolin]] - Thanos
* [[w:Sean Gunn|Sean Gunn]] - Kraglin Obfonteri
* [[w:John Kani|John Kani]] - T'Chaka
* [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]] - Nick Fury
* [[w:Lake Bell|Lake Bell]] - Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow
* [[w:Clark Gregg|Clark Gregg]] - Phil Coulson
* [[w:Tom Hiddleston|Tom Hiddleston]] - Loki
* [[w:Benedict Cumberbatch|Benedict Cumberbatch]] - Dr. Stephen Strange and Doctor Strange Supreme
* [[w:Ike Amadi|Ike Amadi]] - O'Bengh
* [[w:Rachel McAdams|Rachel McAdams]] - Christine Palmer
* [[w:Mark Ruffalo|Mark Ruffalo]] - Bruce Banner / Hulk
* [[w:Hudson Thames|Hudson Thames]] - Peter Parker / Spider-Man
* [[w:Danai Gurira|Danai Gurira]] - Okoye
* [[w:Jon Favreau|Jon Favreau]] - Happy Hogan 
* [[w:Evangeline Lily|Evangeline Lily]] - Hope van Dyne / Wasp
* [[w:David Dastmalchian|David Dastmalchian]] - Kurt
* [[w:Mick Wingert|Mick Wingert]] - Tony Stark / Iron Man
* [[w:Beth Hoyt|Beth Hoyt]] - Pepper Potts
* [[w:Michael B. Jordan|Michael B. Jordan]] - Erik Stevens / N'Jadaka / Killmonger / Black Panther
* [[w:Don Cheadle|Don Cheadle]] - James &quot;Rhodey&quot; Rhodes
* [[w:Natalie Portman|Natalie Portman]] - Jane Foster
* [[w:Kat Dennings|Kat Dennings]] - Darcy Lewis
* [[w:Seth Green|Seth Green]] - Howard the Duck
* [[w:Alexandra Daniels|Alexandra Daniels]] - Carol Danvers / Captain Marvel
* [[w:Chris Hemsworth|Chris Hemsworth]] - Thor
* [[w:Jeremy Renner|Jeremy Renner]] - Clint Barton / Hawkeye
* [[w:Ross Marquand|Ross Marquand]] - Ultron
* [[w:Cynthia McWilliams|Cynthia McWilliams]] - Gamora

&lt;!--Please only add voice actors that are actually quoted on this page. Thanks. --&gt;

==External links==
{{wikipedia|What If...? (TV series)}}
*{{imdb title|10168312}}

[[Category:Marvel Cinematic Universe]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]
[[Category:Superhero TV shows]]
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    <title>The Casagrandes/Season 3</title>
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:'''Seasons:''' [[The Loud House/Season 1|1]] [[The Loud House/Season 2|2]] [[The Loud House/Season 3|3]] [[The Loud House/Season 4|4]] [[The Loud House/Season 5|5]] [[The Loud House/Season 6|6]] ([[The Loud House|Main]]) | '''[[The Casagrandes|Casagrandes]]''' (Seasons [[The Casagrandes/Season 1|1]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 2|2]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 3|3]])
---------------
==Episode 1==

===''Bend It Like Abuelo (1.1)''===

:'''Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and CJ''': Gatos, Gatos, Gatos, Gatos!
:'''Rosa''': ''[bursts into the mercado with a broomstick]'' Gatos?! Where, where?!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Not ''real'' cats, Abuela. ''[points to the orange team banner]'' The soccer team!
:'''Rosa''': Oh. Well, when those ''real'' gatos get here, I'll be ready. ''[leaves the mercado]''
:'''Vito''': I don't know what you's are so excited about. Everyone knows the gatos lose every game.
:'''Hector''': This is not just a game. ''[rips off his sweater, revealing a gato t-shirt]'' It's the Crosslake Championship!
:'''Vito''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh. So they're gonna be big losers! I've got my money on anyone who's ''not'' The Gatos. ''[rips off his own shirt, revealing a t-shirt with a &quot;No&quot; sign covering the team logo]''
:'''Hector''': ''[aghast; comes from behind the counter and bumps Vito]'' Just wait. Our star player, Picosito, is gonna win this year. When he's hot, ay-yi-yi, he's hot!
:'''Vito''': Too bad he's been ice cold for years.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Hector''': I'm never washing my head again!
:'''Rosa''': When did you start?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

===''Bunstoppable (1.2)''===

:''[Stanley is telling Sid, Adelaide, Breakfast Bot, and the three pets a story about their ancestors in a book]''
:'''Stanley''': ''[narrating the story]'' ''Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, our ancestors lived in Clear Water Village. They farmed the land and enjoyed a peaceful life, until one day, the village was attacked by the infamous Han Family Bandits!'' ''[imitating the bandits]'' ''&quot;Hand over all your food or we will destroy your village!&quot;''
:'''Adelaide''': Oh, no! And then they destroyed it?
:'''Sid''': Shh! Dad's getting to that! Dad, can you get to that?
:'''Stanley''': As I was saying, our calm wise, ''and very handsome Ancestor Chang,'' who some say looks a lot like me…
:'''Adelaide''': Focus, Dad!
:'''Stanley''': ''[clears throat]'' He realized that the Han family's hunger had driven them to a life of crime. So, he offered them a challenge. ''If he gave them something more delicious than anything they'd ever tasted, they'd have to spare the village. The bandits scoffed, but then Ancestor Chang gave them his goldfish bao, it delighted their eyes, filled their stomachs, and energized their bodies! The bandits lost the challenge! The Han family was so moved, that they gave up their evil ways and became the protectors of Clear Water Village.'' And ''that's'' the story of how this bao recipe saved the day. ''[holds up a goldfish bao, which sparkles]'' It's been passed down through our family for generations.
:'''All''': Ooh!
:'''Stanley''': ''[to his daughters]'' And now, it's time for me to pass the recipe down to ''you'' two, so you can make bao for the Chinese Cultural Fair today. ''[sniffles a bit with tears streaming down from his eyes]'' My little buns, making their first buns!
:'''Sid''': ''[patting her father on the back; touched]'' Aw, Dad.

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:'''Stanley''': I gotta go to the park and snag the best spot before Mike Liu gets there. ''[chuckles]'' Oh, and I'm gonna need you to make 800 bao just like those two.
:'''Sid''': ''[chuckles weakly]'' It sounded like he said eight hundred.
:'''Stanley''': I did. Better get started. See you at the park. ''[leaves again]''
:'''Adelaide''': But it took us forever to make ''two!''
:'''Sid''': ''[whining]'' At this rate, we'll be Dad's age by the time we finish! There ''HAS'' to be a better way! ''[gets an idea]'' That's it!

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:'''Vito''': ''[while Hui warms up his nunchucks]'' Oh, bunch of tough guys, huh? ''[starts swinging his linked sausage nunchucks around, but manages to snare himself]'' Is it over? Did I win?
:'''Maybelle''': ''[while wrestling with Woo over her grocery bag]'' You ain't gettin' these mangoes! ''[kicks Woo away]''

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==Episode 2==

===''Squawk in the Name of Love (2.1)''===

:''[Carl and Adelaide find Sergio laying on the couch, bawling in tears while binging ice cream]''
:'''Adelaide''': Are you okay, Sergio?
:'''Sergio''': Priscilla dumped me…''AGAIN!'' ''[sobbing]''
:'''Adelaide''': Oh. I'm so sorry, Sergio.
:'''Carl''': You guys break up all the time. Just find a new girlfriend. There's plenty of birds in the sky.
:'''Sergio''': I tried. ''[squawks sadly]'' Total fail. ''[Flashback to the moments of him trying to get a new girlfriend bird]'' One had terrible manners. ''[The female pelican launches a fish at him and he falls off]'' One just didn't listen. ''[holds up his phone showing a photo of Ronnie Anne to an owl]'' And for the fifth time, this is Ronnie Anne. ''[The owl hoots and he face palms himself]'' One was too aggressive. ''[He's then seen having a dinner date with a female eagle]'' So, you like smaller birds? ''[The female eagle caws and picks him up and flies off into the sky; flashback ends]'' None lived up to sweet Priscilla.
:'''Adelaide''': Why did she dump you?
:'''Sergio''': No idea. ''[holds up his phone, showing them a photo of Priscilla annoyingly massaging his feet]'' Look at all the fun we had together. This is her giving me a foot massage, ''[scrolls down to another photo of them at Sancho's place]'' this is us at Sancho's watching the game, ''[scrolls to another photo of her massaging his feet while still at Sancho's]'' this is her giving me a foot massage ''while'' watching the game.
:'''Adelaide''': She looks miserable!
:'''Sergio''': Nah. That's just her resting ostrich face. ''[scrolls to a photo of Priscilla]''
:'''Adelaide''': It's clear what the problem is. You didn't treat her like a princess. It's okay, I can teach you how to act like a prince and win her back.
:'''Sergio''': I'm not so sure.
:''[The female eagle caws from outside the window, staring deadly at Sergio]''
:'''Carl''': Look, the eagle's back for a second day!

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:'''Sergio''': ''[with a bump on his head and a black eye, after getting hit by a microphone, via, thrown by Priscilla]'' And then she threw the microphone at me!
:'''Adelaide''': Sounds like you deserved it. I'm up for you to write a song about Priscilla, and how you feel about her.
:'''Sergio''': Ohhh.
:'''Adelaide''': What if you surprised her with a delicious picnic?
:'''Sergio''': Yeah. She'll love it. I'll get her a ''real'' feast.

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:'''Adelaide''': Bow and kiss the queen's hand, then say the following.
:'''Sergio''': Frank, Estelle, it is truly an honor. ''[kisses Estelle's foot, much to her approval]''
:'''Adelaide''': Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside lovely Priscilla.
:'''Sergio''': Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside ugly Priscilla.
:'''Adelaide''': I said lovely, you dope!
:'''Sergio''': ''[stammering]'' I said lovely, you dope! Uh, I mean, you're so dope. High five. What?
:'''Adelaide''': The moment I laid my eyes on her, I said to myself… ''[starts hitting the radio as it starts crackling and randomly plays country music]''
:'''Sergio''': ''[starts square dancing]'' Yee-haw! You're listening to GLC's number one country station.

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:'''Adelaide''': ''[fighting with Nico as he plays along with the radio]'' Uh… Not now, you monkey!
:'''Sergio''': Uh… ''[snapping]'' NOT NOW, YOU MONKEY!

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:'''Adelaide''': Aww, so sweet. And they lived happily ever after. Now, if I could just get out of this tree.

===''Date with Destiny (2.2)''===

:'''Ernesto''': ''Buenos dias, mis estrellitas.'' Today, I am talking about the water sign.
:'''Rosa''': Oh, Maria, that's you.
:'''Ernesto''': A lifetime of happiness is in sight if…
:'''Rosa, Ronnie Anne, and Bobby''': If…
:'''Ernesto''': You're back with your ex by tonight. ''Es tu destino!''
:'''Rosa''': Maria, you're getting back together with Arturo. I knew it.
:'''Maria''': Ugh, ay, Mama. You know I don't believe in any of that Ernesto stuff.
:'''Carlos''': Yeah, me neither. But it's so weird because the other day he predicted… ''[flashback to the day he was brushing his teeth, squeezes the toothpaste tube and cash comes out]'' I'd find treasure in the bathroom. Check it out. It smells like mint.
:'''Hector''': Money in the bathroom?! ''[dashes into the bathroom]''

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:'''Maria''': Well, Ernesto's prediction for me can't possibly come true. I won't even be seeing Arturo today. I'm helping Frida with an art project all day, and Arturo is flying off to a medical convention in an hour. ''[walks away]''
:'''Rosa''': Trust me, ''mis niños,'' Ernesto's predictions ''always'' come true.
:'''Bobby''': What if Ernesto ''is'' right?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom and Dad are ''not'' getting back together. ''Are'' they?
:'''Bobby''': If they did, it would mean a lifetime of happiness for all of us!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': I guess it's worth a shot. All we have to do is get them together by tonight and let the magic happen.
:'''Rosa''': ''[pops up between them]'' You know, your mom and dad had their first date at the pier, so maybe if they met there.
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Good idea, Abuela! I'll pick Mom up from the gallery. You stop Dad from getting on that plane.

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:''[Ronnie Anne arrives at Frida's art studio, looking for her mother]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[looking around]'' Mom! Mom, are you here?
:'''Maria''': ''[in a large orange piñata statue]'' Ronnie Anne, is that you?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom, what happened to you?
:'''Maria''': Frida. When I agreed to do this life-size mold for her art installation, I didn't expect to be in plaster for four hours.

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:''[Bobby runs up to Arturo's place as he puts his suitcase in the taxi trunk]''
:'''Arturo''': Bobby, what are you doing here? I'm just on my way to the airport.
:'''Bobby''': In a taxi? No, that's so impersonal. Let your son drive you.
:'''Arturo''': No, ''mijo.'' It's okay. I don't want to be a bother.
:'''Bobby''': It's no bother. And these taxis charge an arm and a leg to get to the airport.
:''[The taxi driver clears his throat]''
:'''Arturo''': My company's paying for it.

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': Oh, no. We didn't do all this work just so another ex could swoop in and ruin everything!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, let that T-Bone find his ''own'' lifetime of happiness!
:'''T-Bone''': Hey, would you like to have dinner with me tonight at our place?
:'''Bobby''': They have a place?!
:'''Maria''': ''[blushing]'' You remember the pizza place? I'll meet you there tonight at 7:00. I better go freshen up. ''[rushes off]''
:'''Ernesto''': You better fix this ''rapido'' or you're gonna be stuck with ''this'' guy!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': We have to get rid of T-Bone and get Dad to the restaurant.
:'''Bobby''': I'll grab Dad and meet you there!

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom, Dad, are you okay?
:'''Arturo''': Mijo, what's gotten into you?!
:'''Bobby''': ''We'' did all of this work to get you two here, so we can ''all'' have a lifetime of happiness! You're not leaving here until you get back together again, just like Ernesto said.
:'''Maria''': So ''that's'' what this is about.
:'''Arturo''': Huh? Can someone tell me what's going on?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[sighs]'' Ernesto Estrella predicted you guys would get back together tonight. Hearing it out loud now, it does kind of sound silly, huh?
:'''Maria''': ''[as she and Arturo smile at each other]'' I don't think it was silly. I mean, we are together tonight.
:'''Arturo''': Just not romantically.
:'''Bobby''': ''[disappointed]'' Yeah, but, it's just one dumb night. Not a lifetime.
:'''Maria''': But we'll be a family for a lifetime.
:''[The Santiagos all come in for a group hug]''
:'''Arturo''': And, hey, what if we made it a regular thing? A family pizza night every month.
:'''Ernesto''': And BOOM! A lifetime of happiness after all. Ernesto is the best-o! Estrella out!

==''Curse of the Candy Goblin (Episode 3)''==


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==Episode 4==

===''Skaters Gonna Hate (4.1)''===
:'''Sergio''': Hey, Carlos, who you spying on?
:'''Carlos''': How'd you recognize me? And I'm not spying. I'm helping Ronnie Anne beat Tony Hawk's skate team by doing a little…research.
:'''Sergio''': You mean, ''cheating?''
:'''Carlos''': I am ''not'' cheating! It's called, ''[shouting]'' RESEARCH!

===''Born to be Mild (4.2)''===

:'''Carl''': What was that all about?
:'''Alexis''': Oh, the usual. ''[cleans out his tuba]'' Ricky and Julius picking on me like they do ''every'' day.
:'''Carl''': Dude, you let them do this you ''every'' day? Why?
:'''Alexis''': What choice do I have? I'm a hugger, not a fighter.
:'''Carl''': Well, good luck with that.

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:'''Alexis''': ''[on the stilts]'' Carl, what am I doing up here? ''[loses his balance]''
:'''Carl''': It's all about attitude! ''[on one of the stilts] ''We're building up your confidence.''
:'''Alexis''': By walking on stilts?
:'''Carl''': It's an exercise. If you want to feel big you gotta act big!

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:'''Sergio''': You messed with the ''wrong'' tuba boy! ''[munches on his nails, sharpening them]''

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:'''Principal Valenzuela''': What is going on here?!
:'''Carl''': Hey, Principal Valenzuela. So, funny story--
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[sharply]'' My office, now! ''[Later in her office]'' Okay, start talking. Who started this and why?
:'''Carl, Alexis, Ricky and Julius''': They did!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[sighs]'' Fine. Then you're ''all'' going to be suspended!
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' What?!
:'''Ricky''': ''[in unison]'' Aw, man!
:'''Alexis''': Does that mean I ''can't'' go to band practice? ''[starts to cry]''
:'''Carl''': Wait, it was my fault! Don't suspend Alexis! Suspend ''me!'' I wanted him to fight. I thought if he stood up for himself, he wouldn't get picked on anymore.
:'''Alexis''': It's not all Carl's fault. He was just trying to help me, and he's right. I ''do'' need to stand up for myself. I just have to do it in my own way. ''[to Ricky and Julius]'' I really don't like when you guys put weird things in my tuba. It's hard to clean, and it always sounds bad afterwards.
:'''Ricky''': But I like the funny sounds. ''[Principal Valenzuela clears her throat as she seriously looks at both him and Julius; in unison]'' We're sorry.
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' We won't do it again.
:'''Alexis''': Great! So, now can we hug it out?
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' Oh.
:'''Ricky''': ''[in unison]'' What's a hug?
:''[Principal Valenzuela clears her throat again and grumbles]''
:'''Julius''': ''[sighs]'' Sure.
:''[Alexis hugs both Ricky and Julius together, they all glow in shimmering gold]''
:'''Ricky''': I like hugs!
:'''Julius''': Me too!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Since you used your words to resolve this, no suspension this time. Bravo, boys. ''[The four boys start leaving her office, to Alexis for a second]'' One last thing, Mr. Flores. Are the rumors true? Did you really revenge-poop on a pigeon? ''[whispers]'' All the teachers are dying to know.
:'''Alexis''': ''[shrugs]'' Maybe, maybe not. ''[leaves]''
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[closes her office door]'' Sorry, ladies. I can't confirm ''or'' deny the rumors.
:''[Ms. Galiano snaps her fingers in disbelief]''

==Episode 5==

===''The Bros in the Band (5.1)''===


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===''For the Record (5.2)''===


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==Episode 6==

===''15 Candles (6.1)''===


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===''Rook, Line and Sinker (6.2)''===
:''[Chavez Academy School; Carl and his parents are waiting in Principal Valenzuela's office]''
:'''Frida''': So you have no idea why Principal Valenzuela wanted to talk to us?
:'''Carl''': Maybe I'm getting an award for best smile in school.
:'''Frida and Carlos''': Hmm.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[enters her office]'' Mr. and Mrs. Casagrande… ''[annoyed]'' Carl, unfortunately, this ''isn't'' good news.
:'''Frida''': So he ''didn't'' win best smile?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': No, Alexis won that. He flosses between every class. Carl was caught tricking kids out of their pudding snacks!
:''[Frida and Carlos glare at their mijo]''
:'''Carl''': Come on. It was just one time with the pudding.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Just one time, huh? ''[opens up Carl's locker and pudding cups fall on him, much to his parents' horror]''
:'''Carl''': I'm sorry. I just love tricking people. Isn't that what you're always encouraging us do, Principal V, what we love?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': That is not what I meant!
:'''Carlos''': We're so sorry, Principal Valenzuela. We're going to take care of this immediately.
:'''Frida''': Carl, say you're sorry. (And stop eating the pudding!)
:'''Carl''': ''[licking out a pudding cup, not listening]'' From the bottom of my heart, Principal V. You know, I'm gonna go home and have a good long think about my actions.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Oh? Glad to hear it.
:'''Carl''': And since I'll be so busy thinking, I'll need to skip homework tonight.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Naturally.
:'''Carl''': Great. Mom, Dad, let's go.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[realizes]'' Wait, no homework?! '''''CARL!'''''

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:'''Carl''': ''[enters his and CJ's room, eating more pudding, finding his padre observing the ants in an ant farm]'' Dad, what's with the bugs?
:'''Carlos''': Your mother and I think you need a new hobby other than tricking people, so I thought we'd try science. Check it out a real live ant farm three thousand ants digging a tunnel to their queen.
:'''Carl''': ''[not interested]'' I wish I could dig a tunnel out of this room. ''[starts tapping the ant farm]'' Stop being boring.
:'''Carlos''': Carl, let's not tap the plastic.

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:'''Carlos''': ''[getting a call from Principal Valenzuela]'' Hey, Principal Valenzuela. ''[Frida gasps in excitement to hear the upcoming news]'' Are you calling to tell us what a good job we did with Carl?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': No! He's somehow worse than before! He tricked the teachers out of giving him tests for the rest of the year! He also keeps calling everyone pawns and saying &quot;checkmate&quot;.
:'''Carlos''': ''[gasps in horror]'' Carl's now using chess to ''trick'' people!
:'''Frida''': ''[starts to sob]'' Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Principal Valenzuela!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Actually, it's Hall Monitor Valenzuela. Carl tricked me out of my job. ''He's'' the principal now!
:'''Carl''': ''[comes out of the office]'' Hey, Valenzuela, quit dawdling. That hall's not gonna monitor itself.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[growls]'' Argh! FIX THIS!
:'''Carlos''': Ooh. I've created a monster. ''[looks at the chess board and gets an idea]'' There's only one thing to do - we have to ''beat'' Carl at his own game.

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==''The Golden Curse (Episode 7)''==

:''[The Casagrandes are all making decorations for Paco and Paulina's wedding; Ronnie Anne, Carl, and CJ have prepared the wedding cake]''
:'''Rosa''': ''[enters the apartment with Mama Lupe and Paco]'' Look, everyone, it's Mama Lupe and Paco, our handsome groom.
:'''Frida''': ''Hola.''
:'''Maria''': ''Bienvenidos.''
:'''Carlos''': Hi, Mama Lupe.
:'''Sergio''': ''[squawks]'' ''Primo,'' ready to clip your wings-- I mean, get married?
:'''Paco''': ''Claro que si.'' I can't wait to marry ''mi amor,'' Paulina. She's the wind beneath my wings.
:'''Sergio''': Maybe you should keep her beneath your wing. I mean, real catch.
:'''Mama Lupe''': Oh, ''[hugs Paco tightly]'' I can't believe ''mi bebe'' is finally getting married. ''[sits on the couch and claps]'' Oh, I could almost cry.
:'''Frida''': ''[tearfully]'' Leave that to me.

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:'''Sergio''': On to more important matters, decide on a best man yet? ''[clears throat]'' Say, &quot;Sergio.&quot;
:'''Paco''': I'm not sure, ''primo.'' It's a big responsibility.
:'''Sergio''': Ah, come on, I'm responsible. ''[almost knocks the lamp off; chuckles]'' Hey, plus, I'll throw the best bachelor party ever! ''[hugs his primo, beggingly]'' Please. Oh, please. ''Por favor.'' ''[whimpers while making sad eyes]''
:'''Paco''': Okay, Sergio. Of course you can be my best man.

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:'''Sergio''': ''[waking up]'' Ah, best bachelor party ever. ''[checking his pockets]'' Still got everything? Let's see: wallet, keys, phone, ''las arras.'' ''[holds up the bag and notices a hole in it]'' Ah, crackers!

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:'''Paco''': ''[squawks after his wedding suit rips and falls off from his body]'' My suit! Must've been the pepperoni I ate last night. It made me bloat.

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:'''Paco''': Finally, I'm free! ''[looks in shock to see everything in a disaster]''
:'''Stanley''': Boy, bird weddings are fun!
:'''Paco''': What's going on?
:'''Mama Lupe''': Bad luck, that's what.
:'''Rosa''': Nonsense. Every wedding has its setback.

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:'''Paco''': Paulina, my love! We don't need luck. ''[Paulina starts to break down in tears and runs away, crying; turns to Sergio, angrily]'' Thanks a lot, Sergio! You ruined my wedding! ''[flies after Paulina to console her]'' Paulina, please, come back!

==Episode 8==

===''Let's Get Ready to Rumba (8.1)''===

:'''Rosa''': Hector, what are you doing under the table?
:'''Ivan''': Huh! ''You're'' the health inspector who shut down my studio.
:'''Sergio''': Ooh, this is gonna be good! ''[eats a bucket of popcorn]''
:'''Rosa''': ''Him?'' He's not a health inspector. He's my husband.
:'''Mrs. Kernicky''': Awkward.
:'''Ivan''': It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. I'm going to reopen my studio.
:'''Mrs. Kernicky''': Time to bounce, everyone!
:''[Ivan and the others leave the apartment]''
:'''Rosa''': Hector Casagrande, explain.
:'''Hector''': Well, I was tired of hearing you talk about Ivan and his dance class, okay? So, I thought if I shut it down, that would be the end of it.
:'''Rosa''': ''[sharped]'' Hector, how could you be ''so'' selfish?! I don't want to talk to you right now. ''[walks to the door, ripping it off, and leaves]''
:'''Bruno''': ''[walks in along with Vito]'' Gee, who could have seen this coming?
:'''Hector''': Aww. I need to fix this.
:'''Sergio''': ''[burps]'' And I need more popcorn.

===''Perro Malo (8.2)''===

:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[finds Malo scratching his ear, thinking he's Lalo]'' Oh! There you are. ''[picks up the leash and goes towards home as Malo struggles to go the other way]'' That's enough, Lalo. I took you for a walk. Now, let's go home. ''[a man passes them as they go and Malo barks at him]'' What's gotten into you?
:'''Becky''': ''[finds Lalo rolling around in a bush, thinking he's Malo]'' There you are, Malo! ''[Lalo licks her in the face, as he usually does with Ronnie Anne; revolted]'' Ew! Kisses? What's gotten into you?

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': You're lucky you didn't have to walk Lalo. He is ''not'' in a fun mood.
:''[Malo chews, rips off, and throws the couch's armrest which Hector is napping on, causing him to roll onto the floor, waking him up]''
:'''Hector''': Hey, Lalo! Why did you do that?! Now I have to go nap in the mercado.
:'''Carl''': ''[after Malo takes a bite out of his El Falcón action figure]'' Hey! Lalo ate El Falcón's head!
:'''Carlota''': ''[bare-footed as Malo starts chewing on her pair of boots by the door]'' Those are my new boots!
:'''Bobby''': Lalo, what's going on with you? ''[screams as Malo bares his teeth, growling at him]''
:'''Carlota''': We better figure it out. Abuelo hates when pets misbehave.
:'''Sergio''': ''[squawks]'' I woke him up once. Almost made parrot tacos out of me.
:'''CJ''': Parrot tacos? Ew!
:'''Sergio''': Hey! I'd make a great taco. ''[Malo visualizes him as a taco and tries to eat him; flies away]'' I take it back! I'd make a terrible taco!

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:'''Maybelle''': ''[after Malo barges into the mercado, knocking her over]'' This is an awful shopping experience!
:'''Hector''': Grab his leash before he destroys my entire mercado!
:'''Bobby''': I got this!

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': I can't believe this is the last time we'll ever see Lalo.
:'''CJ''': I'm gonna miss him so much.
:'''Carlota''': ''[starts sobbing]'' This is the saddest day ever! ''[waters her eyes like Frida's]'' Ay, I've turned into Mom.

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:'''Carl''': Wait a minute. There's ''two'' of them?!
:''[Lalo and Malo go to their real owners after sniffing each other's tails]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[after Lalo licks her]'' Now ''this'' is our Lalo.
:'''Becky''': ''[growls back at Malo after he growls at her]'' And this is ''my'' Malo!
:'''Carlota''': Okay, I don't follow.
:'''Hector''': I think I know what's going on. When I adopted Lalo, I chose from a litter of ''perritos.'' ''[Flashback to the day he adopted Lalo as a puppy]'' But one of them was clearly not for our familia. I called it a perro malo. And the woman giving the puppies away said Malo was the perfect name, 'cause he was bad to the bone. Then I saw another puppy who was the complete opposite, showing me lots of love. So I decided to call him, Lalo!
:''[Flashback ends]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': They must have switched places when I was walking Lalo. I should have been paying attention to him instead of trying to watch the show. ''[to Lalo]'' I'm so sorry, boy.

==Episode 9==

===''Don't Zoo That (9.1)''===


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:'''Mrs. Chang''': Last badge, habitat maintenance.
:'''Carl''': Awesome! I'm great at that. ''[confused]'' Uh, what is that?
:'''Mrs. Chang''': It means you'll be building a home for one of our new and endangered animals. Lois, the Galapagos Tortoise.
:'''CJ''': She's beautiful!
:'''Mrs. Chang''': Yes she is, CJ, and she needs a special habitat to thrive. ''[points to bamboos and rocks as materials]'' Here are some building materials. Okay, good luck. Be back in a sec! Oh, and keep this gate closed. Lois likes to run out. ''[closes the gate and leaves]''
:'''Adelaide''': As group leader, I say we use bamboo for the base of a shelter.
:'''Carl''': No way, we should use rocks.
:'''Adelaide''': Fine, then I'm doing my ''own'' habitat.

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===''Maxed Out (9.2)''===


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==Episode 10==

===''Skatey Cat (10.1)''===


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===''Weather Beaten (10.2)''===


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==Episode 11==

===''Race Against the Machine (11.1)''===


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===''My Fair Cat Lady (11.2)''===


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==Episode 12==

===''Survival of the Unfittest (12.1)''===


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===''Nixed Signals (12.2)''===


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==Episode 13==

===''Ay Fidelity (13.1)''===


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===''Cut the Chisme (13.2)''===


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:''[Evening at the Casagrande apartment]''
:'''Hector''': ''[entering]'' ''Hola,'' I'm home! Ho, you guys will never believe what Vito wears to bed. ''[sees his whole family, really annoyed at him]'' What? You already know about the bunny pajamas?
:'''Carl''': No, Abuelo. This is a convention.
:'''Carlos''': Actually Carl, the word is, &quot;intervention.&quot;
:'''Rosa''': Hector, your chisme addiction is embarrassing your family.
:'''Bobby''': And making the customers mad.
:'''Frida''': You're a chismoso. And by that I mean, you're the biggest gossip in town.
:'''Hector''': What?! I'm not a gossip!

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==Episode 14==

===''Sidekickin' Chicken (14.1)''===

:'''Alexis''': It is I, Tuba Boy!
:'''Sergio''': Tuba Boy?
:''[Carl and Sergio see Alexis, in his Tuba Boy superhero costume with his mom recording]''
:'''Alexis''': Look, Mama! Tuba Boy, tu-ba rescue!
:'''Carl''': Alexis is submitting a sidekick too?
:'''Sergio''': And his costume looks amazing.
:'''Carl''': Yeah, and mine's trash. I really need to step it up if I'm gonna win this contest!

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:'''Carl''': ''[bumps into Adelaide, in her Pandalaide superhero costume]'' Adelaide, are you doing the contest too?
:'''Adelaide''': Better believe it. The name's Pandalaide! I've got panda power and sweet panda dance moves!
:'''Carl''': But you don't even watch &quot;El Falcón.&quot;
:'''Adelaide''': You're right, 'cause the show has no strong female character, but that's where I come in!

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:'''Carl''': Ooh, the letter from the show! ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Dear Carl Casagrande, thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, we didn't find El Pollito to be a very convincing sidekick.&quot;''' ''[whimpers with heartbreak]'' What?
:'''Sergio''': Sorry, Carl. Crackers on me tonight.
:'''Alexis''': ''[showing up along with Adelaide]'' Carl, we made it into the final round! What about you?
:'''Carl''': ''[tearing up, upset]'' I-I didn't make it. ''[lays his head flat on the ground, sobbing]''
:'''Alexis''': Hey, you seem upset. You want a hug? It's one of Tuba Boy's powers.
:'''Carl''': No, I'm fine! Everything's fine!
:'''Adelaide''': Okay. Well, wish us luck.
:'''Carl''': ''[crumples up the letter, angrily]'' These judges got it all wrong! El Pollito's not convincing? Oh, I'll convince them all right!
:'''Sergio''': Ooh, whatcha thinking? Blackmail? I know a pigeon.
:'''Carl''': No, we're gonna make another tape to prove the judges wrong. This time, we'll show El Pollito doing heroic acts.

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:'''Bobby''': Carl, what's wrong with you?!
:'''Carl''': I'm stopping Miranda from stealing all the newspapers. Read all about it! El Pollito saves the day!
:'''Miranda''': ''[annoyed]'' I'm recycling them. These are from yesterday.

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:'''Adelaide''': We did it! You're safe now. ''[unties Sergio]''
:'''Sergio''': My heroes!
:'''Adelaide''': Sergio?
:'''Alexis''': Why are you dressed as a baby?
:'''Sergio''': Carl's idea! He wanted to look like a hero for the show.
:''[Carl frees himself and falls flat on the ground]''
:'''Adelaide''': Carl, you put Sergio in ''real'' danger just to rescue him?
:'''Carl''': ''[sighs sadly]'' It's true. I wanted to convince the show they were wrong for not picking me, but obviously, I totally blew it. Sorry. Turns out, I'm not much of a hero.
:'''Sergio''': You're telling me.

===''Silent Fight (14.2)''===

:'''Frida''': ''[whispering angrily to Carl and CJ]'' Are you kidding me?! If either of you wakes Carlitos, ''[fiercely]'' '''you're grounded for a month!''' No, '''''two months!'''''

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:''[Carl runs off and throws CJ's hair clippers out the window]''
:'''Vito''': Hey, free haircut!
:'''CJ''': ''[whispers]'' My clippers. ''[growls at Carl; dashes off and back with Carl's El Falcón shoes, and throws them out the window]''
:'''Vito''': Hey, free shoes! ''[puts the shoes on his feet]'' Check out my new look!

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:'''Frida''': ''[wakes up and sees Carl and CJ trying to tiptoe out of the room after they woke up Carlitos, making him cry]'' Hold it right there! That's it! You two are grounded!
:'''CJ''': But…
:'''Carl''': Mom!
:'''Carlos''': And why are you dressed as sheep?
:'''Frida''': I don't even care! No buts. No moms. Go to your room! And I better not hear a peep from either one of you for the rest of the afternoon!
:'''CJ and Carl''': This is your fault!
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily whispering]'' Hey, I said, not…a…'''''peep.'''''

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:'''Carlos''': Look at that, Frida! They managed to make up on their own.
:'''Frida''': Shh!
:'''Carlos''': Oops. Sorry, Frida. I got too excited.
:''[Carlitos starts wailing off-screen]''
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily]'' And now, ''you're'' grounded! ''[walks off]''
:'''Carlos''': Wait! For how long?!

==Episode 15==

===''Kick Some Bot (15.1)''===
:'''Adelaide''': Mom, Sid. Mom. Guess what? My unicorn princess outfit won first place for Cutest Cosplay! ''[holds up a 1st place ribbon]''
:'''Becca''': Honey, that is the most amazing news I've ever heard. I'm so proud of you!
:'''Adelaide''': Thanks. I deserved it. Look at me! ''[pulls a string on her party horn, shooting out confetti and lands on Sid]''
:'''Becca''': I'll add this ribbon to the Adelaide Wall of Fame.
:'''Sid''': Keep some shelf space open for me. I finished a whole slice of pizza in one bite. It took a lot of courage in mouth space, but I didn't give up. ''[stretches her mouth open wide]''
:'''Becca''': Wow, a whole slice.

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:'''Sid''': ''[while braiding Ronnie Anne's hair]'' My mom was giving Adelaide ''all'' the attention, and I was sitting there like, &quot;Hello? I'm your daughter too.&quot;
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Ugh. Sounds rough. I'm impressed with your pizza eating abilities.
:'''Sid''': Thanks, but I feel like I have to do something big to make her proud of me. Ooh! I know! Maybe I'll eat ''two'' slices of pizza in one bite! Hit me, Breakfast Bot! ''[stretches her mouth wide open and Breakfast Bot stuffs the two pizza slices into her mouth]'' Pretty impressive, right?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Uh, that's cool, but you're also awesome with robots.
:'''Breakfast Bot''': You know it, girl.
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[holding up her phone]'' And look! There's a Robotics Competition coming up right here in Great Lakes City!
:'''Sid''': Winning that would definitely impress my mom! ''[burps]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[groans from the smell]'' Too bad there isn't a Strongest Pepperoni Burp Competition.

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:'''Sid''': From the looks of things, I could actually win this.
:'''Lisa''': ''[showing up; clears throat]'' Maybe you need your vision checked because your competition just got stiffer.
:'''Sid''': Lisa Loud?! I subscribed to your monthly newsletter! You're competing too?
:'''Lisa''': Yep. ''[presses her wrist watch]'' Todd, initiate grand entrance.

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===''Salvador Doggy (15.2)''===

:'''Frida''': ''[angrily punches her painting with a hole]'' Terrible! You call this art?! ''[throws her painting on the ground, kicks it, and starts to sob]'' My showcase is tomorrow and I have no work to showcase at the showcase! This is the ''worst'' painter's block I've had in years. Oh, I know. I can listen to my favorite podcast. That should help.

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:'''Sergio''': ''[enters the apartment, wearing a scuba suit]'' Ready for our scuba lesson? ''[Lalo explains to him, gesturing the painting]'' You squiggled on paper. Congrats. ''[Lalo continues explaining]'' You gotta make ten more? For Frida? What's in it for you? Diddly-squat? ''[squawks disgruntled]'' Hold up. It's time I teach you about the law of supply and demand. If you're gonna supply, you gotta demand.
:''[Later, Frida returns with supplies]''
:'''Frida''': Lalo, I'm back! Ready to paint?
:'''Sergio''': ''[halting her]'' Not so fast. I'm Lalo's manager. ''[takes out a fake business card]'' For every painting my client makes, he's gotta get something out of it too. As does his manager. If you could, uh, please sign this contract. ''[takes out a lengthy contract]''
:'''Frida''': Ugh, fine. Anything to get more paintings. ''[signs the contract]''
:'''Sergio''': Initial here, here, here, here, here. Don't forget there.

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:'''Sergio''': And now my client will be retiring for the evening.
:'''Frida''': What?! But I need more paintings by tomorrow.
:'''Sergio''': And Lalo needs his beauty sleep. He can finish in the morning. ''[he and Lalo leave]''
:'''Frida''': ''[growls angrily and lets out a scream so loud it can be heard outside the apartment; sighs while preparing for bed]'' Well, hopefully we can get the rest finished tomorrow. ''[finds Sergio in the bed and shrieks]''
:'''Sergio''': Excuse me. The artiste is trying to sleep.
:'''Frida''': ''[confused]'' What? ''[lifts the covers, revealing Lalo snoring]'' Lalo?! But this is ''my'' bed! Where am I supposed to sleep?!

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:'''Sergio''': ''[yawns]'' Slept like a baby. That bed is comfy. Don't just stand there. Here's our breakfast order. ''[unveils a long breakfast list]''
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily losing it]'' That's it! ''[rips up the list]'' The deal's off! I'll find another artist, Lalo! You're not the only dog in town! ''[storms off]''
:'''Sergio''': Sheesh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the doggy bed.

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==Episode 16==

===''The Wrust Job (16.1)''===


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===''The Sound of Meddle (16.2)''===


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==Episode 17==

===''Alpaca Lies (17.1)''===


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===''Rocket Plan (17.2)''===


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==''Phantom Freakout (Episode 18)''==


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:'''Director''': CUT! Someone clean up that mess, and stop playing that nightmare music!
:'''Sid''': This is ''not'' going the way I planned, but I did get to smell Yoon Kwan just now, so it's kinda going how I planned.

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==Episode 19==

===''The Odd Father (19.1)''===


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===''The Long Shot (19.2)''===


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==Episode 20==

===''Flock This Way (20.1)''===


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===''Movers and Fakers (20.2)''===


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==External links==
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-23T01:35:25Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
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      <comment>/* Squawk in the Name of Love (2.1) */</comment>
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----------------
:'''Seasons:''' [[The Loud House/Season 1|1]] [[The Loud House/Season 2|2]] [[The Loud House/Season 3|3]] [[The Loud House/Season 4|4]] [[The Loud House/Season 5|5]] [[The Loud House/Season 6|6]] ([[The Loud House|Main]]) | '''[[The Casagrandes|Casagrandes]]''' (Seasons [[The Casagrandes/Season 1|1]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 2|2]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 3|3]])
---------------
==Episode 1==

===''Bend It Like Abuelo (1.1)''===

:'''Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and CJ''': Gatos, Gatos, Gatos, Gatos!
:'''Rosa''': ''[bursts into the mercado with a broomstick]'' Gatos?! Where, where?!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Not ''real'' cats, Abuela. ''[points to the orange team banner]'' The soccer team!
:'''Rosa''': Oh. Well, when those ''real'' gatos get here, I'll be ready. ''[leaves the mercado]''
:'''Vito''': I don't know what you's are so excited about. Everyone knows the gatos lose every game.
:'''Hector''': This is not just a game. ''[rips off his sweater, revealing a gato t-shirt]'' It's the Crosslake Championship!
:'''Vito''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh. So they're gonna be big losers! I've got my money on anyone who's ''not'' The Gatos. ''[rips off his own shirt, revealing a t-shirt with a &quot;No&quot; sign covering the team logo]''
:'''Hector''': ''[aghast; comes from behind the counter and bumps Vito]'' Just wait. Our star player, Picosito, is gonna win this year. When he's hot, ay-yi-yi, he's hot!
:'''Vito''': Too bad he's been ice cold for years.

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:'''Hector''': I'm never washing my head again!
:'''Rosa''': When did you start?

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===''Bunstoppable (1.2)''===

:''[Stanley is telling Sid, Adelaide, Breakfast Bot, and the three pets a story about their ancestors in a book]''
:'''Stanley''': ''[narrating the story]'' ''Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, our ancestors lived in Clear Water Village. They farmed the land and enjoyed a peaceful life, until one day, the village was attacked by the infamous Han Family Bandits!'' ''[imitating the bandits]'' ''&quot;Hand over all your food or we will destroy your village!&quot;''
:'''Adelaide''': Oh, no! And then they destroyed it?
:'''Sid''': Shh! Dad's getting to that! Dad, can you get to that?
:'''Stanley''': As I was saying, our calm wise, ''and very handsome Ancestor Chang,'' who some say looks a lot like me…
:'''Adelaide''': Focus, Dad!
:'''Stanley''': ''[clears throat]'' He realized that the Han family's hunger had driven them to a life of crime. So, he offered them a challenge. ''If he gave them something more delicious than anything they'd ever tasted, they'd have to spare the village. The bandits scoffed, but then Ancestor Chang gave them his goldfish bao, it delighted their eyes, filled their stomachs, and energized their bodies! The bandits lost the challenge! The Han family was so moved, that they gave up their evil ways and became the protectors of Clear Water Village.'' And ''that's'' the story of how this bao recipe saved the day. ''[holds up a goldfish bao, which sparkles]'' It's been passed down through our family for generations.
:'''All''': Ooh!
:'''Stanley''': ''[to his daughters]'' And now, it's time for me to pass the recipe down to ''you'' two, so you can make bao for the Chinese Cultural Fair today. ''[sniffles a bit with tears streaming down from his eyes]'' My little buns, making their first buns!
:'''Sid''': ''[patting her father on the back; touched]'' Aw, Dad.

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:'''Stanley''': I gotta go to the park and snag the best spot before Mike Liu gets there. ''[chuckles]'' Oh, and I'm gonna need you to make 800 bao just like those two.
:'''Sid''': ''[chuckles weakly]'' It sounded like he said eight hundred.
:'''Stanley''': I did. Better get started. See you at the park. ''[leaves again]''
:'''Adelaide''': But it took us forever to make ''two!''
:'''Sid''': ''[whining]'' At this rate, we'll be Dad's age by the time we finish! There ''HAS'' to be a better way! ''[gets an idea]'' That's it!

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:'''Vito''': ''[while Hui warms up his nunchucks]'' Oh, bunch of tough guys, huh? ''[starts swinging his linked sausage nunchucks around, but manages to snare himself]'' Is it over? Did I win?
:'''Maybelle''': ''[while wrestling with Woo over her grocery bag]'' You ain't gettin' these mangoes! ''[kicks Woo away]''

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==Episode 2==

===''Squawk in the Name of Love (2.1)''===

:''[Carl and Adelaide find Sergio laying on the couch, bawling in tears while binging ice cream]''
:'''Adelaide''': Are you okay, Sergio?
:'''Sergio''': Priscilla dumped me…''AGAIN!'' ''[sobbing]''
:'''Adelaide''': Oh. I'm so sorry, Sergio.
:'''Carl''': You guys break up all the time. Just find a new girlfriend. There's plenty of birds in the sky.
:'''Sergio''': I tried. Total fail. ''[Flashback to the moments of him trying to get a new girlfriend bird]'' One had terrible manners. ''[The female pelican launches a fish at him and he falls off]'' One just didn't listen. ''[holds up his phone showing a photo of Ronnie Anne to an owl]'' And for the fifth time, this is Ronnie Anne. ''[The owl hoots and he face palms himself; then seen having a dinner date with a female eagle]'' One was too aggressive. So, you like smaller birds? ''[The female eagle caws and picks him up and flies off into the sky; fading back to present]'' None lived up to sweet Priscilla.
:'''Adelaide''': Why did she dump you?
:'''Sergio''': No idea. ''[holds up his phone, showing them a photo of Priscilla annoyingly massaging his feet]'' Look at all the fun we had together. This is her giving me a foot massage, ''[scrolls down to another photo of them at Sancho's place]'' this is us at Sancho's watching the game, ''[scrolls to another photo of her massaging his feet while still at Sancho's]'' this is her giving me a foot massage ''while'' watching the game.
:'''Adelaide''': She looks miserable!
:'''Sergio''': Nah. That's just her resting ostrich face. ''[scrolls to a photo of Priscilla]''
:'''Adelaide''': It's clear what the problem is. You didn't treat her like a princess. It's okay, I can teach you how to act like a prince and win her back.
:'''Sergio''': I'm not so sure.
:''[The female eagle caws from outside the window, staring deadly at Sergio]''
:'''Carl''': Look, the eagle's back for a second day!

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:'''Sergio''': ''[with a bump on his head and a black eye, after getting hit by a microphone, via, thrown by Priscilla]'' And then she threw the microphone at me!
:'''Adelaide''': Sounds like you deserved it. I'm up for you to write a song about Priscilla, and how you feel about her.
:'''Sergio''': Ohhh.
:'''Adelaide''': What if you surprised her with a delicious picnic?
:'''Sergio''': Yeah. She'll love it. I'll get her a ''real'' feast.

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:'''Adelaide''': Bow and kiss the queen's hand, then say the following.
:'''Sergio''': Frank, Estelle, it is truly an honor. ''[kisses Estelle's foot, much to her approval]''
:'''Adelaide''': Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside lovely Priscilla.
:'''Sergio''': Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside ugly Priscilla.
:'''Adelaide''': I said lovely, you dope!
:'''Sergio''': ''[stammering]'' I said lovely, you dope! Uh, I mean, you're so dope. High five. What?
:'''Adelaide''': The moment I laid my eyes on her, I said to myself… ''[starts hitting the radio as it starts crackling and randomly plays country music]''
:'''Sergio''': ''[starts square dancing]'' Yee-haw! You're listening to GLC's number one country station.

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:'''Adelaide''': ''[fighting with Nico as he plays along with the radio]'' Uh… Not now, you monkey!
:'''Sergio''': Uh… ''[snapping]'' NOT NOW, YOU MONKEY!

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:'''Adelaide''': Aww, so sweet. And they lived happily ever after. Now, if I could just get out of this tree.

===''Date with Destiny (2.2)''===

:'''Ernesto''': ''Buenos dias, mis estrellitas.'' Today, I am talking about the water sign.
:'''Rosa''': Oh, Maria, that's you.
:'''Ernesto''': A lifetime of happiness is in sight if…
:'''Rosa, Ronnie Anne, and Bobby''': If…
:'''Ernesto''': You're back with your ex by tonight. ''Es tu destino!''
:'''Rosa''': Maria, you're getting back together with Arturo. I knew it.
:'''Maria''': Ugh, ay, Mama. You know I don't believe in any of that Ernesto stuff.
:'''Carlos''': Yeah, me neither. But it's so weird because the other day he predicted… ''[flashback to the day he was brushing his teeth, squeezes the toothpaste tube and cash comes out]'' I'd find treasure in the bathroom. Check it out. It smells like mint.
:'''Hector''': Money in the bathroom?! ''[dashes into the bathroom]''

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:'''Maria''': Well, Ernesto's prediction for me can't possibly come true. I won't even be seeing Arturo today. I'm helping Frida with an art project all day, and Arturo is flying off to a medical convention in an hour. ''[walks away]''
:'''Rosa''': Trust me, ''mis niños,'' Ernesto's predictions ''always'' come true.
:'''Bobby''': What if Ernesto ''is'' right?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom and Dad are ''not'' getting back together. ''Are'' they?
:'''Bobby''': If they did, it would mean a lifetime of happiness for all of us!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': I guess it's worth a shot. All we have to do is get them together by tonight and let the magic happen.
:'''Rosa''': ''[pops up between them]'' You know, your mom and dad had their first date at the pier, so maybe if they met there.
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Good idea, Abuela! I'll pick Mom up from the gallery. You stop Dad from getting on that plane.

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:''[Ronnie Anne arrives at Frida's art studio, looking for her mother]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[looking around]'' Mom! Mom, are you here?
:'''Maria''': ''[in a large orange piñata statue]'' Ronnie Anne, is that you?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom, what happened to you?
:'''Maria''': Frida. When I agreed to do this life-size mold for her art installation, I didn't expect to be in plaster for four hours.

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:''[Bobby runs up to Arturo's place as he puts his suitcase in the taxi trunk]''
:'''Arturo''': Bobby, what are you doing here? I'm just on my way to the airport.
:'''Bobby''': In a taxi? No, that's so impersonal. Let your son drive you.
:'''Arturo''': No, ''mijo.'' It's okay. I don't want to be a bother.
:'''Bobby''': It's no bother. And these taxis charge an arm and a leg to get to the airport.
:''[The taxi driver clears his throat]''
:'''Arturo''': My company's paying for it.

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': Oh, no. We didn't do all this work just so another ex could swoop in and ruin everything!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, let that T-Bone find his ''own'' lifetime of happiness!
:'''T-Bone''': Hey, would you like to have dinner with me tonight at our place?
:'''Bobby''': They have a place?!
:'''Maria''': ''[blushing]'' You remember the pizza place? I'll meet you there tonight at 7:00. I better go freshen up. ''[rushes off]''
:'''Ernesto''': You better fix this ''rapido'' or you're gonna be stuck with ''this'' guy!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': We have to get rid of T-Bone and get Dad to the restaurant.
:'''Bobby''': I'll grab Dad and meet you there!

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom, Dad, are you okay?
:'''Arturo''': Mijo, what's gotten into you?!
:'''Bobby''': ''We'' did all of this work to get you two here, so we can ''all'' have a lifetime of happiness! You're not leaving here until you get back together again, just like Ernesto said.
:'''Maria''': So ''that's'' what this is about.
:'''Arturo''': Huh? Can someone tell me what's going on?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[sighs]'' Ernesto Estrella predicted you guys would get back together tonight. Hearing it out loud now, it does kind of sound silly, huh?
:'''Maria''': ''[as she and Arturo smile at each other]'' I don't think it was silly. I mean, we are together tonight.
:'''Arturo''': Just not romantically.
:'''Bobby''': ''[disappointed]'' Yeah, but, it's just one dumb night. Not a lifetime.
:'''Maria''': But we'll be a family for a lifetime.
:''[The Santiagos all come in for a group hug]''
:'''Arturo''': And, hey, what if we made it a regular thing? A family pizza night every month.
:'''Ernesto''': And BOOM! A lifetime of happiness after all. Ernesto is the best-o! Estrella out!

==''Curse of the Candy Goblin (Episode 3)''==


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==Episode 4==

===''Skaters Gonna Hate (4.1)''===
:'''Sergio''': Hey, Carlos, who you spying on?
:'''Carlos''': How'd you recognize me? And I'm not spying. I'm helping Ronnie Anne beat Tony Hawk's skate team by doing a little…research.
:'''Sergio''': You mean, ''cheating?''
:'''Carlos''': I am ''not'' cheating! It's called, ''[shouting]'' RESEARCH!

===''Born to be Mild (4.2)''===

:'''Carl''': What was that all about?
:'''Alexis''': Oh, the usual. ''[cleans out his tuba]'' Ricky and Julius picking on me like they do ''every'' day.
:'''Carl''': Dude, you let them do this you ''every'' day? Why?
:'''Alexis''': What choice do I have? I'm a hugger, not a fighter.
:'''Carl''': Well, good luck with that.

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:'''Alexis''': ''[on the stilts]'' Carl, what am I doing up here? ''[loses his balance]''
:'''Carl''': It's all about attitude! ''[on one of the stilts] ''We're building up your confidence.''
:'''Alexis''': By walking on stilts?
:'''Carl''': It's an exercise. If you want to feel big you gotta act big!

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:'''Sergio''': You messed with the ''wrong'' tuba boy! ''[munches on his nails, sharpening them]''

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:'''Principal Valenzuela''': What is going on here?!
:'''Carl''': Hey, Principal Valenzuela. So, funny story--
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[sharply]'' My office, now! ''[Later in her office]'' Okay, start talking. Who started this and why?
:'''Carl, Alexis, Ricky and Julius''': They did!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[sighs]'' Fine. Then you're ''all'' going to be suspended!
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' What?!
:'''Ricky''': ''[in unison]'' Aw, man!
:'''Alexis''': Does that mean I ''can't'' go to band practice? ''[starts to cry]''
:'''Carl''': Wait, it was my fault! Don't suspend Alexis! Suspend ''me!'' I wanted him to fight. I thought if he stood up for himself, he wouldn't get picked on anymore.
:'''Alexis''': It's not all Carl's fault. He was just trying to help me, and he's right. I ''do'' need to stand up for myself. I just have to do it in my own way. ''[to Ricky and Julius]'' I really don't like when you guys put weird things in my tuba. It's hard to clean, and it always sounds bad afterwards.
:'''Ricky''': But I like the funny sounds. ''[Principal Valenzuela clears her throat as she seriously looks at both him and Julius; in unison]'' We're sorry.
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' We won't do it again.
:'''Alexis''': Great! So, now can we hug it out?
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' Oh.
:'''Ricky''': ''[in unison]'' What's a hug?
:''[Principal Valenzuela clears her throat again and grumbles]''
:'''Julius''': ''[sighs]'' Sure.
:''[Alexis hugs both Ricky and Julius together, they all glow in shimmering gold]''
:'''Ricky''': I like hugs!
:'''Julius''': Me too!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Since you used your words to resolve this, no suspension this time. Bravo, boys. ''[The four boys start leaving her office, to Alexis for a second]'' One last thing, Mr. Flores. Are the rumors true? Did you really revenge-poop on a pigeon? ''[whispers]'' All the teachers are dying to know.
:'''Alexis''': ''[shrugs]'' Maybe, maybe not. ''[leaves]''
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[closes her office door]'' Sorry, ladies. I can't confirm ''or'' deny the rumors.
:''[Ms. Galiano snaps her fingers in disbelief]''

==Episode 5==

===''The Bros in the Band (5.1)''===


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===''For the Record (5.2)''===


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==Episode 6==

===''15 Candles (6.1)''===


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===''Rook, Line and Sinker (6.2)''===
:''[Chavez Academy School; Carl and his parents are waiting in Principal Valenzuela's office]''
:'''Frida''': So you have no idea why Principal Valenzuela wanted to talk to us?
:'''Carl''': Maybe I'm getting an award for best smile in school.
:'''Frida and Carlos''': Hmm.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[enters her office]'' Mr. and Mrs. Casagrande… ''[annoyed]'' Carl, unfortunately, this ''isn't'' good news.
:'''Frida''': So he ''didn't'' win best smile?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': No, Alexis won that. He flosses between every class. Carl was caught tricking kids out of their pudding snacks!
:''[Frida and Carlos glare at their mijo]''
:'''Carl''': Come on. It was just one time with the pudding.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Just one time, huh? ''[opens up Carl's locker and pudding cups fall on him, much to his parents' horror]''
:'''Carl''': I'm sorry. I just love tricking people. Isn't that what you're always encouraging us do, Principal V, what we love?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': That is not what I meant!
:'''Carlos''': We're so sorry, Principal Valenzuela. We're going to take care of this immediately.
:'''Frida''': Carl, say you're sorry. (And stop eating the pudding!)
:'''Carl''': ''[licking out a pudding cup, not listening]'' From the bottom of my heart, Principal V. You know, I'm gonna go home and have a good long think about my actions.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Oh? Glad to hear it.
:'''Carl''': And since I'll be so busy thinking, I'll need to skip homework tonight.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Naturally.
:'''Carl''': Great. Mom, Dad, let's go.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[realizes]'' Wait, no homework?! '''''CARL!'''''

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:'''Carl''': ''[enters his and CJ's room, eating more pudding, finding his padre observing the ants in an ant farm]'' Dad, what's with the bugs?
:'''Carlos''': Your mother and I think you need a new hobby other than tricking people, so I thought we'd try science. Check it out a real live ant farm three thousand ants digging a tunnel to their queen.
:'''Carl''': ''[not interested]'' I wish I could dig a tunnel out of this room. ''[starts tapping the ant farm]'' Stop being boring.
:'''Carlos''': Carl, let's not tap the plastic.

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:'''Carlos''': ''[getting a call from Principal Valenzuela]'' Hey, Principal Valenzuela. ''[Frida gasps in excitement to hear the upcoming news]'' Are you calling to tell us what a good job we did with Carl?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': No! He's somehow worse than before! He tricked the teachers out of giving him tests for the rest of the year! He also keeps calling everyone pawns and saying &quot;checkmate&quot;.
:'''Carlos''': ''[gasps in horror]'' Carl's now using chess to ''trick'' people!
:'''Frida''': ''[starts to sob]'' Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Principal Valenzuela!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Actually, it's Hall Monitor Valenzuela. Carl tricked me out of my job. ''He's'' the principal now!
:'''Carl''': ''[comes out of the office]'' Hey, Valenzuela, quit dawdling. That hall's not gonna monitor itself.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[growls]'' Argh! FIX THIS!
:'''Carlos''': Ooh. I've created a monster. ''[looks at the chess board and gets an idea]'' There's only one thing to do - we have to ''beat'' Carl at his own game.

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==''The Golden Curse (Episode 7)''==

:''[The Casagrandes are all making decorations for Paco and Paulina's wedding; Ronnie Anne, Carl, and CJ have prepared the wedding cake]''
:'''Rosa''': ''[enters the apartment with Mama Lupe and Paco]'' Look, everyone, it's Mama Lupe and Paco, our handsome groom.
:'''Frida''': ''Hola.''
:'''Maria''': ''Bienvenidos.''
:'''Carlos''': Hi, Mama Lupe.
:'''Sergio''': ''[squawks]'' ''Primo,'' ready to clip your wings-- I mean, get married?
:'''Paco''': ''Claro que si.'' I can't wait to marry ''mi amor,'' Paulina. She's the wind beneath my wings.
:'''Sergio''': Maybe you should keep her beneath your wing. I mean, real catch.
:'''Mama Lupe''': Oh, ''[hugs Paco tightly]'' I can't believe ''mi bebe'' is finally getting married. ''[sits on the couch and claps]'' Oh, I could almost cry.
:'''Frida''': ''[tearfully]'' Leave that to me.

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:'''Sergio''': On to more important matters, decide on a best man yet? ''[clears throat]'' Say, &quot;Sergio.&quot;
:'''Paco''': I'm not sure, ''primo.'' It's a big responsibility.
:'''Sergio''': Ah, come on, I'm responsible. ''[almost knocks the lamp off; chuckles]'' Hey, plus, I'll throw the best bachelor party ever! ''[hugs his primo, beggingly]'' Please. Oh, please. ''Por favor.'' ''[whimpers while making sad eyes]''
:'''Paco''': Okay, Sergio. Of course you can be my best man.

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:'''Sergio''': ''[waking up]'' Ah, best bachelor party ever. ''[checking his pockets]'' Still got everything? Let's see: wallet, keys, phone, ''las arras.'' ''[holds up the bag and notices a hole in it]'' Ah, crackers!

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:'''Paco''': ''[squawks after his wedding suit rips and falls off from his body]'' My suit! Must've been the pepperoni I ate last night. It made me bloat.

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:'''Paco''': Finally, I'm free! ''[looks in shock to see everything in a disaster]''
:'''Stanley''': Boy, bird weddings are fun!
:'''Paco''': What's going on?
:'''Mama Lupe''': Bad luck, that's what.
:'''Rosa''': Nonsense. Every wedding has its setback.

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:'''Paco''': Paulina, my love! We don't need luck. ''[Paulina starts to break down in tears and runs away, crying; turns to Sergio, angrily]'' Thanks a lot, Sergio! You ruined my wedding! ''[flies after Paulina to console her]'' Paulina, please, come back!

==Episode 8==

===''Let's Get Ready to Rumba (8.1)''===

:'''Rosa''': Hector, what are you doing under the table?
:'''Ivan''': Huh! ''You're'' the health inspector who shut down my studio.
:'''Sergio''': Ooh, this is gonna be good! ''[eats a bucket of popcorn]''
:'''Rosa''': ''Him?'' He's not a health inspector. He's my husband.
:'''Mrs. Kernicky''': Awkward.
:'''Ivan''': It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. I'm going to reopen my studio.
:'''Mrs. Kernicky''': Time to bounce, everyone!
:''[Ivan and the others leave the apartment]''
:'''Rosa''': Hector Casagrande, explain.
:'''Hector''': Well, I was tired of hearing you talk about Ivan and his dance class, okay? So, I thought if I shut it down, that would be the end of it.
:'''Rosa''': ''[sharped]'' Hector, how could you be ''so'' selfish?! I don't want to talk to you right now. ''[walks to the door, ripping it off, and leaves]''
:'''Bruno''': ''[walks in along with Vito]'' Gee, who could have seen this coming?
:'''Hector''': Aww. I need to fix this.
:'''Sergio''': ''[burps]'' And I need more popcorn.

===''Perro Malo (8.2)''===

:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[finds Malo scratching his ear, thinking he's Lalo]'' Oh! There you are. ''[picks up the leash and goes towards home as Malo struggles to go the other way]'' That's enough, Lalo. I took you for a walk. Now, let's go home. ''[a man passes them as they go and Malo barks at him]'' What's gotten into you?
:'''Becky''': ''[finds Lalo rolling around in a bush, thinking he's Malo]'' There you are, Malo! ''[Lalo licks her in the face, as he usually does with Ronnie Anne; revolted]'' Ew! Kisses? What's gotten into you?

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': You're lucky you didn't have to walk Lalo. He is ''not'' in a fun mood.
:''[Malo chews, rips off, and throws the couch's armrest which Hector is napping on, causing him to roll onto the floor, waking him up]''
:'''Hector''': Hey, Lalo! Why did you do that?! Now I have to go nap in the mercado.
:'''Carl''': ''[after Malo takes a bite out of his El Falcón action figure]'' Hey! Lalo ate El Falcón's head!
:'''Carlota''': ''[bare-footed as Malo starts chewing on her pair of boots by the door]'' Those are my new boots!
:'''Bobby''': Lalo, what's going on with you? ''[screams as Malo bares his teeth, growling at him]''
:'''Carlota''': We better figure it out. Abuelo hates when pets misbehave.
:'''Sergio''': ''[squawks]'' I woke him up once. Almost made parrot tacos out of me.
:'''CJ''': Parrot tacos? Ew!
:'''Sergio''': Hey! I'd make a great taco. ''[Malo visualizes him as a taco and tries to eat him; flies away]'' I take it back! I'd make a terrible taco!

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:'''Maybelle''': ''[after Malo barges into the mercado, knocking her over]'' This is an awful shopping experience!
:'''Hector''': Grab his leash before he destroys my entire mercado!
:'''Bobby''': I got this!

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': I can't believe this is the last time we'll ever see Lalo.
:'''CJ''': I'm gonna miss him so much.
:'''Carlota''': ''[starts sobbing]'' This is the saddest day ever! ''[waters her eyes like Frida's]'' Ay, I've turned into Mom.

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:'''Carl''': Wait a minute. There's ''two'' of them?!
:''[Lalo and Malo go to their real owners after sniffing each other's tails]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[after Lalo licks her]'' Now ''this'' is our Lalo.
:'''Becky''': ''[growls back at Malo after he growls at her]'' And this is ''my'' Malo!
:'''Carlota''': Okay, I don't follow.
:'''Hector''': I think I know what's going on. When I adopted Lalo, I chose from a litter of ''perritos.'' ''[Flashback to the day he adopted Lalo as a puppy]'' But one of them was clearly not for our familia. I called it a perro malo. And the woman giving the puppies away said Malo was the perfect name, 'cause he was bad to the bone. Then I saw another puppy who was the complete opposite, showing me lots of love. So I decided to call him, Lalo!
:''[Flashback ends]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': They must have switched places when I was walking Lalo. I should have been paying attention to him instead of trying to watch the show. ''[to Lalo]'' I'm so sorry, boy.

==Episode 9==

===''Don't Zoo That (9.1)''===


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:'''Mrs. Chang''': Last badge, habitat maintenance.
:'''Carl''': Awesome! I'm great at that. ''[confused]'' Uh, what is that?
:'''Mrs. Chang''': It means you'll be building a home for one of our new and endangered animals. Lois, the Galapagos Tortoise.
:'''CJ''': She's beautiful!
:'''Mrs. Chang''': Yes she is, CJ, and she needs a special habitat to thrive. ''[points to bamboos and rocks as materials]'' Here are some building materials. Okay, good luck. Be back in a sec! Oh, and keep this gate closed. Lois likes to run out. ''[closes the gate and leaves]''
:'''Adelaide''': As group leader, I say we use bamboo for the base of a shelter.
:'''Carl''': No way, we should use rocks.
:'''Adelaide''': Fine, then I'm doing my ''own'' habitat.

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===''Maxed Out (9.2)''===


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==Episode 10==

===''Skatey Cat (10.1)''===


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===''Weather Beaten (10.2)''===


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==Episode 11==

===''Race Against the Machine (11.1)''===


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===''My Fair Cat Lady (11.2)''===


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==Episode 12==

===''Survival of the Unfittest (12.1)''===


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===''Nixed Signals (12.2)''===


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==Episode 13==

===''Ay Fidelity (13.1)''===


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===''Cut the Chisme (13.2)''===


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:''[Evening at the Casagrande apartment]''
:'''Hector''': ''[entering]'' ''Hola,'' I'm home! Ho, you guys will never believe what Vito wears to bed. ''[sees his whole family, really annoyed at him]'' What? You already know about the bunny pajamas?
:'''Carl''': No, Abuelo. This is a convention.
:'''Carlos''': Actually Carl, the word is, &quot;intervention.&quot;
:'''Rosa''': Hector, your chisme addiction is embarrassing your family.
:'''Bobby''': And making the customers mad.
:'''Frida''': You're a chismoso. And by that I mean, you're the biggest gossip in town.
:'''Hector''': What?! I'm not a gossip!

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==Episode 14==

===''Sidekickin' Chicken (14.1)''===

:'''Alexis''': It is I, Tuba Boy!
:'''Sergio''': Tuba Boy?
:''[Carl and Sergio see Alexis, in his Tuba Boy superhero costume with his mom recording]''
:'''Alexis''': Look, Mama! Tuba Boy, tu-ba rescue!
:'''Carl''': Alexis is submitting a sidekick too?
:'''Sergio''': And his costume looks amazing.
:'''Carl''': Yeah, and mine's trash. I really need to step it up if I'm gonna win this contest!

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:'''Carl''': ''[bumps into Adelaide, in her Pandalaide superhero costume]'' Adelaide, are you doing the contest too?
:'''Adelaide''': Better believe it. The name's Pandalaide! I've got panda power and sweet panda dance moves!
:'''Carl''': But you don't even watch &quot;El Falcón.&quot;
:'''Adelaide''': You're right, 'cause the show has no strong female character, but that's where I come in!

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:'''Carl''': Ooh, the letter from the show! ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Dear Carl Casagrande, thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, we didn't find El Pollito to be a very convincing sidekick.&quot;''' ''[whimpers with heartbreak]'' What?
:'''Sergio''': Sorry, Carl. Crackers on me tonight.
:'''Alexis''': ''[showing up along with Adelaide]'' Carl, we made it into the final round! What about you?
:'''Carl''': ''[tearing up, upset]'' I-I didn't make it. ''[lays his head flat on the ground, sobbing]''
:'''Alexis''': Hey, you seem upset. You want a hug? It's one of Tuba Boy's powers.
:'''Carl''': No, I'm fine! Everything's fine!
:'''Adelaide''': Okay. Well, wish us luck.
:'''Carl''': ''[crumples up the letter, angrily]'' These judges got it all wrong! El Pollito's not convincing? Oh, I'll convince them all right!
:'''Sergio''': Ooh, whatcha thinking? Blackmail? I know a pigeon.
:'''Carl''': No, we're gonna make another tape to prove the judges wrong. This time, we'll show El Pollito doing heroic acts.

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:'''Bobby''': Carl, what's wrong with you?!
:'''Carl''': I'm stopping Miranda from stealing all the newspapers. Read all about it! El Pollito saves the day!
:'''Miranda''': ''[annoyed]'' I'm recycling them. These are from yesterday.

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:'''Adelaide''': We did it! You're safe now. ''[unties Sergio]''
:'''Sergio''': My heroes!
:'''Adelaide''': Sergio?
:'''Alexis''': Why are you dressed as a baby?
:'''Sergio''': Carl's idea! He wanted to look like a hero for the show.
:''[Carl frees himself and falls flat on the ground]''
:'''Adelaide''': Carl, you put Sergio in ''real'' danger just to rescue him?
:'''Carl''': ''[sighs sadly]'' It's true. I wanted to convince the show they were wrong for not picking me, but obviously, I totally blew it. Sorry. Turns out, I'm not much of a hero.
:'''Sergio''': You're telling me.

===''Silent Fight (14.2)''===

:'''Frida''': ''[whispering angrily to Carl and CJ]'' Are you kidding me?! If either of you wakes Carlitos, ''[fiercely]'' '''you're grounded for a month!''' No, '''''two months!'''''

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:''[Carl runs off and throws CJ's hair clippers out the window]''
:'''Vito''': Hey, free haircut!
:'''CJ''': ''[whispers]'' My clippers. ''[growls at Carl; dashes off and back with Carl's El Falcón shoes, and throws them out the window]''
:'''Vito''': Hey, free shoes! ''[puts the shoes on his feet]'' Check out my new look!

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:'''Frida''': ''[wakes up and sees Carl and CJ trying to tiptoe out of the room after they woke up Carlitos, making him cry]'' Hold it right there! That's it! You two are grounded!
:'''CJ''': But…
:'''Carl''': Mom!
:'''Carlos''': And why are you dressed as sheep?
:'''Frida''': I don't even care! No buts. No moms. Go to your room! And I better not hear a peep from either one of you for the rest of the afternoon!
:'''CJ and Carl''': This is your fault!
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily whispering]'' Hey, I said, not…a…'''''peep.'''''

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:'''Carlos''': Look at that, Frida! They managed to make up on their own.
:'''Frida''': Shh!
:'''Carlos''': Oops. Sorry, Frida. I got too excited.
:''[Carlitos starts wailing off-screen]''
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily]'' And now, ''you're'' grounded! ''[walks off]''
:'''Carlos''': Wait! For how long?!

==Episode 15==

===''Kick Some Bot (15.1)''===
:'''Adelaide''': Mom, Sid. Mom. Guess what? My unicorn princess outfit won first place for Cutest Cosplay! ''[holds up a 1st place ribbon]''
:'''Becca''': Honey, that is the most amazing news I've ever heard. I'm so proud of you!
:'''Adelaide''': Thanks. I deserved it. Look at me! ''[pulls a string on her party horn, shooting out confetti and lands on Sid]''
:'''Becca''': I'll add this ribbon to the Adelaide Wall of Fame.
:'''Sid''': Keep some shelf space open for me. I finished a whole slice of pizza in one bite. It took a lot of courage in mouth space, but I didn't give up. ''[stretches her mouth open wide]''
:'''Becca''': Wow, a whole slice.

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:'''Sid''': ''[while braiding Ronnie Anne's hair]'' My mom was giving Adelaide ''all'' the attention, and I was sitting there like, &quot;Hello? I'm your daughter too.&quot;
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Ugh. Sounds rough. I'm impressed with your pizza eating abilities.
:'''Sid''': Thanks, but I feel like I have to do something big to make her proud of me. Ooh! I know! Maybe I'll eat ''two'' slices of pizza in one bite! Hit me, Breakfast Bot! ''[stretches her mouth wide open and Breakfast Bot stuffs the two pizza slices into her mouth]'' Pretty impressive, right?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Uh, that's cool, but you're also awesome with robots.
:'''Breakfast Bot''': You know it, girl.
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[holding up her phone]'' And look! There's a Robotics Competition coming up right here in Great Lakes City!
:'''Sid''': Winning that would definitely impress my mom! ''[burps]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[groans from the smell]'' Too bad there isn't a Strongest Pepperoni Burp Competition.

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:'''Sid''': From the looks of things, I could actually win this.
:'''Lisa''': ''[showing up; clears throat]'' Maybe you need your vision checked because your competition just got stiffer.
:'''Sid''': Lisa Loud?! I subscribed to your monthly newsletter! You're competing too?
:'''Lisa''': Yep. ''[presses her wrist watch]'' Todd, initiate grand entrance.

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===''Salvador Doggy (15.2)''===

:'''Frida''': ''[angrily punches her painting with a hole]'' Terrible! You call this art?! ''[throws her painting on the ground, kicks it, and starts to sob]'' My showcase is tomorrow and I have no work to showcase at the showcase! This is the ''worst'' painter's block I've had in years. Oh, I know. I can listen to my favorite podcast. That should help.

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:'''Sergio''': ''[enters the apartment, wearing a scuba suit]'' Ready for our scuba lesson? ''[Lalo explains to him, gesturing the painting]'' You squiggled on paper. Congrats. ''[Lalo continues explaining]'' You gotta make ten more? For Frida? What's in it for you? Diddly-squat? ''[squawks disgruntled]'' Hold up. It's time I teach you about the law of supply and demand. If you're gonna supply, you gotta demand.
:''[Later, Frida returns with supplies]''
:'''Frida''': Lalo, I'm back! Ready to paint?
:'''Sergio''': ''[halting her]'' Not so fast. I'm Lalo's manager. ''[takes out a fake business card]'' For every painting my client makes, he's gotta get something out of it too. As does his manager. If you could, uh, please sign this contract. ''[takes out a lengthy contract]''
:'''Frida''': Ugh, fine. Anything to get more paintings. ''[signs the contract]''
:'''Sergio''': Initial here, here, here, here, here. Don't forget there.

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:'''Sergio''': And now my client will be retiring for the evening.
:'''Frida''': What?! But I need more paintings by tomorrow.
:'''Sergio''': And Lalo needs his beauty sleep. He can finish in the morning. ''[he and Lalo leave]''
:'''Frida''': ''[growls angrily and lets out a scream so loud it can be heard outside the apartment; sighs while preparing for bed]'' Well, hopefully we can get the rest finished tomorrow. ''[finds Sergio in the bed and shrieks]''
:'''Sergio''': Excuse me. The artiste is trying to sleep.
:'''Frida''': ''[confused]'' What? ''[lifts the covers, revealing Lalo snoring]'' Lalo?! But this is ''my'' bed! Where am I supposed to sleep?!

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:'''Sergio''': ''[yawns]'' Slept like a baby. That bed is comfy. Don't just stand there. Here's our breakfast order. ''[unveils a long breakfast list]''
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily losing it]'' That's it! ''[rips up the list]'' The deal's off! I'll find another artist, Lalo! You're not the only dog in town! ''[storms off]''
:'''Sergio''': Sheesh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the doggy bed.

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==Episode 16==

===''The Wrust Job (16.1)''===


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===''The Sound of Meddle (16.2)''===


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==Episode 17==

===''Alpaca Lies (17.1)''===


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===''Rocket Plan (17.2)''===


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==''Phantom Freakout (Episode 18)''==


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:'''Director''': CUT! Someone clean up that mess, and stop playing that nightmare music!
:'''Sid''': This is ''not'' going the way I planned, but I did get to smell Yoon Kwan just now, so it's kinda going how I planned.

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==Episode 19==

===''The Odd Father (19.1)''===


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===''The Long Shot (19.2)''===


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==Episode 20==

===''Flock This Way (20.1)''===


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===''Movers and Fakers (20.2)''===


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==External links==
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>r3hd53jedh2k0p19iftx3patlban9o6</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146136</id>
      <parentid>3146135</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T01:39:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Silent Fight (14.2) */</comment>
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      <text bytes="38853" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
----------------
:'''Seasons:''' [[The Loud House/Season 1|1]] [[The Loud House/Season 2|2]] [[The Loud House/Season 3|3]] [[The Loud House/Season 4|4]] [[The Loud House/Season 5|5]] [[The Loud House/Season 6|6]] ([[The Loud House|Main]]) | '''[[The Casagrandes|Casagrandes]]''' (Seasons [[The Casagrandes/Season 1|1]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 2|2]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 3|3]])
---------------
==Episode 1==

===''Bend It Like Abuelo (1.1)''===

:'''Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and CJ''': Gatos, Gatos, Gatos, Gatos!
:'''Rosa''': ''[bursts into the mercado with a broomstick]'' Gatos?! Where, where?!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Not ''real'' cats, Abuela. ''[points to the orange team banner]'' The soccer team!
:'''Rosa''': Oh. Well, when those ''real'' gatos get here, I'll be ready. ''[leaves the mercado]''
:'''Vito''': I don't know what you's are so excited about. Everyone knows the gatos lose every game.
:'''Hector''': This is not just a game. ''[rips off his sweater, revealing a gato t-shirt]'' It's the Crosslake Championship!
:'''Vito''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh. So they're gonna be big losers! I've got my money on anyone who's ''not'' The Gatos. ''[rips off his own shirt, revealing a t-shirt with a &quot;No&quot; sign covering the team logo]''
:'''Hector''': ''[aghast; comes from behind the counter and bumps Vito]'' Just wait. Our star player, Picosito, is gonna win this year. When he's hot, ay-yi-yi, he's hot!
:'''Vito''': Too bad he's been ice cold for years.

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:'''Hector''': I'm never washing my head again!
:'''Rosa''': When did you start?

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===''Bunstoppable (1.2)''===

:''[Stanley is telling Sid, Adelaide, Breakfast Bot, and the three pets a story about their ancestors in a book]''
:'''Stanley''': ''[narrating the story]'' ''Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, our ancestors lived in Clear Water Village. They farmed the land and enjoyed a peaceful life, until one day, the village was attacked by the infamous Han Family Bandits!'' ''[imitating the bandits]'' ''&quot;Hand over all your food or we will destroy your village!&quot;''
:'''Adelaide''': Oh, no! And then they destroyed it?
:'''Sid''': Shh! Dad's getting to that! Dad, can you get to that?
:'''Stanley''': As I was saying, our calm wise, ''and very handsome Ancestor Chang,'' who some say looks a lot like me…
:'''Adelaide''': Focus, Dad!
:'''Stanley''': ''[clears throat]'' He realized that the Han family's hunger had driven them to a life of crime. So, he offered them a challenge. ''If he gave them something more delicious than anything they'd ever tasted, they'd have to spare the village. The bandits scoffed, but then Ancestor Chang gave them his goldfish bao, it delighted their eyes, filled their stomachs, and energized their bodies! The bandits lost the challenge! The Han family was so moved, that they gave up their evil ways and became the protectors of Clear Water Village.'' And ''that's'' the story of how this bao recipe saved the day. ''[holds up a goldfish bao, which sparkles]'' It's been passed down through our family for generations.
:'''All''': Ooh!
:'''Stanley''': ''[to his daughters]'' And now, it's time for me to pass the recipe down to ''you'' two, so you can make bao for the Chinese Cultural Fair today. ''[sniffles a bit with tears streaming down from his eyes]'' My little buns, making their first buns!
:'''Sid''': ''[patting her father on the back; touched]'' Aw, Dad.

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:'''Stanley''': I gotta go to the park and snag the best spot before Mike Liu gets there. ''[chuckles]'' Oh, and I'm gonna need you to make 800 bao just like those two.
:'''Sid''': ''[chuckles weakly]'' It sounded like he said eight hundred.
:'''Stanley''': I did. Better get started. See you at the park. ''[leaves again]''
:'''Adelaide''': But it took us forever to make ''two!''
:'''Sid''': ''[whining]'' At this rate, we'll be Dad's age by the time we finish! There ''HAS'' to be a better way! ''[gets an idea]'' That's it!

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:'''Vito''': ''[while Hui warms up his nunchucks]'' Oh, bunch of tough guys, huh? ''[starts swinging his linked sausage nunchucks around, but manages to snare himself]'' Is it over? Did I win?
:'''Maybelle''': ''[while wrestling with Woo over her grocery bag]'' You ain't gettin' these mangoes! ''[kicks Woo away]''

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==Episode 2==

===''Squawk in the Name of Love (2.1)''===

:''[Carl and Adelaide find Sergio laying on the couch, bawling in tears while binging ice cream]''
:'''Adelaide''': Are you okay, Sergio?
:'''Sergio''': Priscilla dumped me…''AGAIN!'' ''[sobbing]''
:'''Adelaide''': Oh. I'm so sorry, Sergio.
:'''Carl''': You guys break up all the time. Just find a new girlfriend. There's plenty of birds in the sky.
:'''Sergio''': I tried. Total fail. ''[Flashback to the moments of him trying to get a new girlfriend bird]'' One had terrible manners. ''[The female pelican launches a fish at him and he falls off]'' One just didn't listen. ''[holds up his phone showing a photo of Ronnie Anne to an owl]'' And for the fifth time, this is Ronnie Anne. ''[The owl hoots and he face palms himself; then seen having a dinner date with a female eagle]'' One was too aggressive. So, you like smaller birds? ''[The female eagle caws and picks him up and flies off into the sky; fading back to present]'' None lived up to sweet Priscilla.
:'''Adelaide''': Why did she dump you?
:'''Sergio''': No idea. ''[holds up his phone, showing them a photo of Priscilla annoyingly massaging his feet]'' Look at all the fun we had together. This is her giving me a foot massage, ''[scrolls down to another photo of them at Sancho's place]'' this is us at Sancho's watching the game, ''[scrolls to another photo of her massaging his feet while still at Sancho's]'' this is her giving me a foot massage ''while'' watching the game.
:'''Adelaide''': She looks miserable!
:'''Sergio''': Nah. That's just her resting ostrich face. ''[scrolls to a photo of Priscilla]''
:'''Adelaide''': It's clear what the problem is. You didn't treat her like a princess. It's okay, I can teach you how to act like a prince and win her back.
:'''Sergio''': I'm not so sure.
:''[The female eagle caws from outside the window, staring deadly at Sergio]''
:'''Carl''': Look, the eagle's back for a second day!

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:'''Sergio''': ''[with a bump on his head and a black eye, after getting hit by a microphone, via, thrown by Priscilla]'' And then she threw the microphone at me!
:'''Adelaide''': Sounds like you deserved it. I'm up for you to write a song about Priscilla, and how you feel about her.
:'''Sergio''': Ohhh.
:'''Adelaide''': What if you surprised her with a delicious picnic?
:'''Sergio''': Yeah. She'll love it. I'll get her a ''real'' feast.

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:'''Adelaide''': Bow and kiss the queen's hand, then say the following.
:'''Sergio''': Frank, Estelle, it is truly an honor. ''[kisses Estelle's foot, much to her approval]''
:'''Adelaide''': Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside lovely Priscilla.
:'''Sergio''': Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside ugly Priscilla.
:'''Adelaide''': I said lovely, you dope!
:'''Sergio''': ''[stammering]'' I said lovely, you dope! Uh, I mean, you're so dope. High five. What?
:'''Adelaide''': The moment I laid my eyes on her, I said to myself… ''[starts hitting the radio as it starts crackling and randomly plays country music]''
:'''Sergio''': ''[starts square dancing]'' Yee-haw! You're listening to GLC's number one country station.

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:'''Adelaide''': ''[fighting with Nico as he plays along with the radio]'' Uh… Not now, you monkey!
:'''Sergio''': Uh… ''[snapping]'' NOT NOW, YOU MONKEY!

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:'''Adelaide''': Aww, so sweet. And they lived happily ever after. Now, if I could just get out of this tree.

===''Date with Destiny (2.2)''===

:'''Ernesto''': ''Buenos dias, mis estrellitas.'' Today, I am talking about the water sign.
:'''Rosa''': Oh, Maria, that's you.
:'''Ernesto''': A lifetime of happiness is in sight if…
:'''Rosa, Ronnie Anne, and Bobby''': If…
:'''Ernesto''': You're back with your ex by tonight. ''Es tu destino!''
:'''Rosa''': Maria, you're getting back together with Arturo. I knew it.
:'''Maria''': Ugh, ay, Mama. You know I don't believe in any of that Ernesto stuff.
:'''Carlos''': Yeah, me neither. But it's so weird because the other day he predicted… ''[flashback to the day he was brushing his teeth, squeezes the toothpaste tube and cash comes out]'' I'd find treasure in the bathroom. Check it out. It smells like mint.
:'''Hector''': Money in the bathroom?! ''[dashes into the bathroom]''

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:'''Maria''': Well, Ernesto's prediction for me can't possibly come true. I won't even be seeing Arturo today. I'm helping Frida with an art project all day, and Arturo is flying off to a medical convention in an hour. ''[walks away]''
:'''Rosa''': Trust me, ''mis niños,'' Ernesto's predictions ''always'' come true.
:'''Bobby''': What if Ernesto ''is'' right?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom and Dad are ''not'' getting back together. ''Are'' they?
:'''Bobby''': If they did, it would mean a lifetime of happiness for all of us!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': I guess it's worth a shot. All we have to do is get them together by tonight and let the magic happen.
:'''Rosa''': ''[pops up between them]'' You know, your mom and dad had their first date at the pier, so maybe if they met there.
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Good idea, Abuela! I'll pick Mom up from the gallery. You stop Dad from getting on that plane.

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:''[Ronnie Anne arrives at Frida's art studio, looking for her mother]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[looking around]'' Mom! Mom, are you here?
:'''Maria''': ''[in a large orange piñata statue]'' Ronnie Anne, is that you?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom, what happened to you?
:'''Maria''': Frida. When I agreed to do this life-size mold for her art installation, I didn't expect to be in plaster for four hours.

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:''[Bobby runs up to Arturo's place as he puts his suitcase in the taxi trunk]''
:'''Arturo''': Bobby, what are you doing here? I'm just on my way to the airport.
:'''Bobby''': In a taxi? No, that's so impersonal. Let your son drive you.
:'''Arturo''': No, ''mijo.'' It's okay. I don't want to be a bother.
:'''Bobby''': It's no bother. And these taxis charge an arm and a leg to get to the airport.
:''[The taxi driver clears his throat]''
:'''Arturo''': My company's paying for it.

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': Oh, no. We didn't do all this work just so another ex could swoop in and ruin everything!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, let that T-Bone find his ''own'' lifetime of happiness!
:'''T-Bone''': Hey, would you like to have dinner with me tonight at our place?
:'''Bobby''': They have a place?!
:'''Maria''': ''[blushing]'' You remember the pizza place? I'll meet you there tonight at 7:00. I better go freshen up. ''[rushes off]''
:'''Ernesto''': You better fix this ''rapido'' or you're gonna be stuck with ''this'' guy!
:'''Ronnie Anne''': We have to get rid of T-Bone and get Dad to the restaurant.
:'''Bobby''': I'll grab Dad and meet you there!

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': Mom, Dad, are you okay?
:'''Arturo''': Mijo, what's gotten into you?!
:'''Bobby''': ''We'' did all of this work to get you two here, so we can ''all'' have a lifetime of happiness! You're not leaving here until you get back together again, just like Ernesto said.
:'''Maria''': So ''that's'' what this is about.
:'''Arturo''': Huh? Can someone tell me what's going on?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[sighs]'' Ernesto Estrella predicted you guys would get back together tonight. Hearing it out loud now, it does kind of sound silly, huh?
:'''Maria''': ''[as she and Arturo smile at each other]'' I don't think it was silly. I mean, we are together tonight.
:'''Arturo''': Just not romantically.
:'''Bobby''': ''[disappointed]'' Yeah, but, it's just one dumb night. Not a lifetime.
:'''Maria''': But we'll be a family for a lifetime.
:''[The Santiagos all come in for a group hug]''
:'''Arturo''': And, hey, what if we made it a regular thing? A family pizza night every month.
:'''Ernesto''': And BOOM! A lifetime of happiness after all. Ernesto is the best-o! Estrella out!

==''Curse of the Candy Goblin (Episode 3)''==


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==Episode 4==

===''Skaters Gonna Hate (4.1)''===
:'''Sergio''': Hey, Carlos, who you spying on?
:'''Carlos''': How'd you recognize me? And I'm not spying. I'm helping Ronnie Anne beat Tony Hawk's skate team by doing a little…research.
:'''Sergio''': You mean, ''cheating?''
:'''Carlos''': I am ''not'' cheating! It's called, ''[shouting]'' RESEARCH!

===''Born to be Mild (4.2)''===

:'''Carl''': What was that all about?
:'''Alexis''': Oh, the usual. ''[cleans out his tuba]'' Ricky and Julius picking on me like they do ''every'' day.
:'''Carl''': Dude, you let them do this you ''every'' day? Why?
:'''Alexis''': What choice do I have? I'm a hugger, not a fighter.
:'''Carl''': Well, good luck with that.

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:'''Alexis''': ''[on the stilts]'' Carl, what am I doing up here? ''[loses his balance]''
:'''Carl''': It's all about attitude! ''[on one of the stilts] ''We're building up your confidence.''
:'''Alexis''': By walking on stilts?
:'''Carl''': It's an exercise. If you want to feel big you gotta act big!

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:'''Sergio''': You messed with the ''wrong'' tuba boy! ''[munches on his nails, sharpening them]''

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:'''Principal Valenzuela''': What is going on here?!
:'''Carl''': Hey, Principal Valenzuela. So, funny story--
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[sharply]'' My office, now! ''[Later in her office]'' Okay, start talking. Who started this and why?
:'''Carl, Alexis, Ricky and Julius''': They did!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[sighs]'' Fine. Then you're ''all'' going to be suspended!
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' What?!
:'''Ricky''': ''[in unison]'' Aw, man!
:'''Alexis''': Does that mean I ''can't'' go to band practice? ''[starts to cry]''
:'''Carl''': Wait, it was my fault! Don't suspend Alexis! Suspend ''me!'' I wanted him to fight. I thought if he stood up for himself, he wouldn't get picked on anymore.
:'''Alexis''': It's not all Carl's fault. He was just trying to help me, and he's right. I ''do'' need to stand up for myself. I just have to do it in my own way. ''[to Ricky and Julius]'' I really don't like when you guys put weird things in my tuba. It's hard to clean, and it always sounds bad afterwards.
:'''Ricky''': But I like the funny sounds. ''[Principal Valenzuela clears her throat as she seriously looks at both him and Julius; in unison]'' We're sorry.
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' We won't do it again.
:'''Alexis''': Great! So, now can we hug it out?
:'''Julius''': ''[in unison]'' Oh.
:'''Ricky''': ''[in unison]'' What's a hug?
:''[Principal Valenzuela clears her throat again and grumbles]''
:'''Julius''': ''[sighs]'' Sure.
:''[Alexis hugs both Ricky and Julius together, they all glow in shimmering gold]''
:'''Ricky''': I like hugs!
:'''Julius''': Me too!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Since you used your words to resolve this, no suspension this time. Bravo, boys. ''[The four boys start leaving her office, to Alexis for a second]'' One last thing, Mr. Flores. Are the rumors true? Did you really revenge-poop on a pigeon? ''[whispers]'' All the teachers are dying to know.
:'''Alexis''': ''[shrugs]'' Maybe, maybe not. ''[leaves]''
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[closes her office door]'' Sorry, ladies. I can't confirm ''or'' deny the rumors.
:''[Ms. Galiano snaps her fingers in disbelief]''

==Episode 5==

===''The Bros in the Band (5.1)''===


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===''For the Record (5.2)''===


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==Episode 6==

===''15 Candles (6.1)''===


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===''Rook, Line and Sinker (6.2)''===
:''[Chavez Academy School; Carl and his parents are waiting in Principal Valenzuela's office]''
:'''Frida''': So you have no idea why Principal Valenzuela wanted to talk to us?
:'''Carl''': Maybe I'm getting an award for best smile in school.
:'''Frida and Carlos''': Hmm.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[enters her office]'' Mr. and Mrs. Casagrande… ''[annoyed]'' Carl, unfortunately, this ''isn't'' good news.
:'''Frida''': So he ''didn't'' win best smile?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': No, Alexis won that. He flosses between every class. Carl was caught tricking kids out of their pudding snacks!
:''[Frida and Carlos glare at their mijo]''
:'''Carl''': Come on. It was just one time with the pudding.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Just one time, huh? ''[opens up Carl's locker and pudding cups fall on him, much to his parents' horror]''
:'''Carl''': I'm sorry. I just love tricking people. Isn't that what you're always encouraging us do, Principal V, what we love?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': That is not what I meant!
:'''Carlos''': We're so sorry, Principal Valenzuela. We're going to take care of this immediately.
:'''Frida''': Carl, say you're sorry. (And stop eating the pudding!)
:'''Carl''': ''[licking out a pudding cup, not listening]'' From the bottom of my heart, Principal V. You know, I'm gonna go home and have a good long think about my actions.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Oh? Glad to hear it.
:'''Carl''': And since I'll be so busy thinking, I'll need to skip homework tonight.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Naturally.
:'''Carl''': Great. Mom, Dad, let's go.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[realizes]'' Wait, no homework?! '''''CARL!'''''

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:'''Carl''': ''[enters his and CJ's room, eating more pudding, finding his padre observing the ants in an ant farm]'' Dad, what's with the bugs?
:'''Carlos''': Your mother and I think you need a new hobby other than tricking people, so I thought we'd try science. Check it out a real live ant farm three thousand ants digging a tunnel to their queen.
:'''Carl''': ''[not interested]'' I wish I could dig a tunnel out of this room. ''[starts tapping the ant farm]'' Stop being boring.
:'''Carlos''': Carl, let's not tap the plastic.

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:'''Carlos''': ''[getting a call from Principal Valenzuela]'' Hey, Principal Valenzuela. ''[Frida gasps in excitement to hear the upcoming news]'' Are you calling to tell us what a good job we did with Carl?
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': No! He's somehow worse than before! He tricked the teachers out of giving him tests for the rest of the year! He also keeps calling everyone pawns and saying &quot;checkmate&quot;.
:'''Carlos''': ''[gasps in horror]'' Carl's now using chess to ''trick'' people!
:'''Frida''': ''[starts to sob]'' Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Principal Valenzuela!
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': Actually, it's Hall Monitor Valenzuela. Carl tricked me out of my job. ''He's'' the principal now!
:'''Carl''': ''[comes out of the office]'' Hey, Valenzuela, quit dawdling. That hall's not gonna monitor itself.
:'''Principal Valenzuela''': ''[growls]'' Argh! FIX THIS!
:'''Carlos''': Ooh. I've created a monster. ''[looks at the chess board and gets an idea]'' There's only one thing to do - we have to ''beat'' Carl at his own game.

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==''The Golden Curse (Episode 7)''==

:''[The Casagrandes are all making decorations for Paco and Paulina's wedding; Ronnie Anne, Carl, and CJ have prepared the wedding cake]''
:'''Rosa''': ''[enters the apartment with Mama Lupe and Paco]'' Look, everyone, it's Mama Lupe and Paco, our handsome groom.
:'''Frida''': ''Hola.''
:'''Maria''': ''Bienvenidos.''
:'''Carlos''': Hi, Mama Lupe.
:'''Sergio''': ''[squawks]'' ''Primo,'' ready to clip your wings-- I mean, get married?
:'''Paco''': ''Claro que si.'' I can't wait to marry ''mi amor,'' Paulina. She's the wind beneath my wings.
:'''Sergio''': Maybe you should keep her beneath your wing. I mean, real catch.
:'''Mama Lupe''': Oh, ''[hugs Paco tightly]'' I can't believe ''mi bebe'' is finally getting married. ''[sits on the couch and claps]'' Oh, I could almost cry.
:'''Frida''': ''[tearfully]'' Leave that to me.

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:'''Sergio''': On to more important matters, decide on a best man yet? ''[clears throat]'' Say, &quot;Sergio.&quot;
:'''Paco''': I'm not sure, ''primo.'' It's a big responsibility.
:'''Sergio''': Ah, come on, I'm responsible. ''[almost knocks the lamp off; chuckles]'' Hey, plus, I'll throw the best bachelor party ever! ''[hugs his primo, beggingly]'' Please. Oh, please. ''Por favor.'' ''[whimpers while making sad eyes]''
:'''Paco''': Okay, Sergio. Of course you can be my best man.

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:'''Sergio''': ''[waking up]'' Ah, best bachelor party ever. ''[checking his pockets]'' Still got everything? Let's see: wallet, keys, phone, ''las arras.'' ''[holds up the bag and notices a hole in it]'' Ah, crackers!

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:'''Paco''': ''[squawks after his wedding suit rips and falls off from his body]'' My suit! Must've been the pepperoni I ate last night. It made me bloat.

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:'''Paco''': Finally, I'm free! ''[looks in shock to see everything in a disaster]''
:'''Stanley''': Boy, bird weddings are fun!
:'''Paco''': What's going on?
:'''Mama Lupe''': Bad luck, that's what.
:'''Rosa''': Nonsense. Every wedding has its setback.

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:'''Paco''': Paulina, my love! We don't need luck. ''[Paulina starts to break down in tears and runs away, crying; turns to Sergio, angrily]'' Thanks a lot, Sergio! You ruined my wedding! ''[flies after Paulina to console her]'' Paulina, please, come back!

==Episode 8==

===''Let's Get Ready to Rumba (8.1)''===

:'''Rosa''': Hector, what are you doing under the table?
:'''Ivan''': Huh! ''You're'' the health inspector who shut down my studio.
:'''Sergio''': Ooh, this is gonna be good! ''[eats a bucket of popcorn]''
:'''Rosa''': ''Him?'' He's not a health inspector. He's my husband.
:'''Mrs. Kernicky''': Awkward.
:'''Ivan''': It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. I'm going to reopen my studio.
:'''Mrs. Kernicky''': Time to bounce, everyone!
:''[Ivan and the others leave the apartment]''
:'''Rosa''': Hector Casagrande, explain.
:'''Hector''': Well, I was tired of hearing you talk about Ivan and his dance class, okay? So, I thought if I shut it down, that would be the end of it.
:'''Rosa''': ''[sharped]'' Hector, how could you be ''so'' selfish?! I don't want to talk to you right now. ''[walks to the door, ripping it off, and leaves]''
:'''Bruno''': ''[walks in along with Vito]'' Gee, who could have seen this coming?
:'''Hector''': Aww. I need to fix this.
:'''Sergio''': ''[burps]'' And I need more popcorn.

===''Perro Malo (8.2)''===

:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[finds Malo scratching his ear, thinking he's Lalo]'' Oh! There you are. ''[picks up the leash and goes towards home as Malo struggles to go the other way]'' That's enough, Lalo. I took you for a walk. Now, let's go home. ''[a man passes them as they go and Malo barks at him]'' What's gotten into you?
:'''Becky''': ''[finds Lalo rolling around in a bush, thinking he's Malo]'' There you are, Malo! ''[Lalo licks her in the face, as he usually does with Ronnie Anne; revolted]'' Ew! Kisses? What's gotten into you?

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': You're lucky you didn't have to walk Lalo. He is ''not'' in a fun mood.
:''[Malo chews, rips off, and throws the couch's armrest which Hector is napping on, causing him to roll onto the floor, waking him up]''
:'''Hector''': Hey, Lalo! Why did you do that?! Now I have to go nap in the mercado.
:'''Carl''': ''[after Malo takes a bite out of his El Falcón action figure]'' Hey! Lalo ate El Falcón's head!
:'''Carlota''': ''[bare-footed as Malo starts chewing on her pair of boots by the door]'' Those are my new boots!
:'''Bobby''': Lalo, what's going on with you? ''[screams as Malo bares his teeth, growling at him]''
:'''Carlota''': We better figure it out. Abuelo hates when pets misbehave.
:'''Sergio''': ''[squawks]'' I woke him up once. Almost made parrot tacos out of me.
:'''CJ''': Parrot tacos? Ew!
:'''Sergio''': Hey! I'd make a great taco. ''[Malo visualizes him as a taco and tries to eat him; flies away]'' I take it back! I'd make a terrible taco!

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:'''Maybelle''': ''[after Malo barges into the mercado, knocking her over]'' This is an awful shopping experience!
:'''Hector''': Grab his leash before he destroys my entire mercado!
:'''Bobby''': I got this!

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:'''Ronnie Anne''': I can't believe this is the last time we'll ever see Lalo.
:'''CJ''': I'm gonna miss him so much.
:'''Carlota''': ''[starts sobbing]'' This is the saddest day ever! ''[waters her eyes like Frida's]'' Ay, I've turned into Mom.

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:'''Carl''': Wait a minute. There's ''two'' of them?!
:''[Lalo and Malo go to their real owners after sniffing each other's tails]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[after Lalo licks her]'' Now ''this'' is our Lalo.
:'''Becky''': ''[growls back at Malo after he growls at her]'' And this is ''my'' Malo!
:'''Carlota''': Okay, I don't follow.
:'''Hector''': I think I know what's going on. When I adopted Lalo, I chose from a litter of ''perritos.'' ''[Flashback to the day he adopted Lalo as a puppy]'' But one of them was clearly not for our familia. I called it a perro malo. And the woman giving the puppies away said Malo was the perfect name, 'cause he was bad to the bone. Then I saw another puppy who was the complete opposite, showing me lots of love. So I decided to call him, Lalo!
:''[Flashback ends]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': They must have switched places when I was walking Lalo. I should have been paying attention to him instead of trying to watch the show. ''[to Lalo]'' I'm so sorry, boy.

==Episode 9==

===''Don't Zoo That (9.1)''===


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:'''Mrs. Chang''': Last badge, habitat maintenance.
:'''Carl''': Awesome! I'm great at that. ''[confused]'' Uh, what is that?
:'''Mrs. Chang''': It means you'll be building a home for one of our new and endangered animals. Lois, the Galapagos Tortoise.
:'''CJ''': She's beautiful!
:'''Mrs. Chang''': Yes she is, CJ, and she needs a special habitat to thrive. ''[points to bamboos and rocks as materials]'' Here are some building materials. Okay, good luck. Be back in a sec! Oh, and keep this gate closed. Lois likes to run out. ''[closes the gate and leaves]''
:'''Adelaide''': As group leader, I say we use bamboo for the base of a shelter.
:'''Carl''': No way, we should use rocks.
:'''Adelaide''': Fine, then I'm doing my ''own'' habitat.

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===''Maxed Out (9.2)''===


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==Episode 10==

===''Skatey Cat (10.1)''===


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===''Weather Beaten (10.2)''===


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==Episode 11==

===''Race Against the Machine (11.1)''===


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===''My Fair Cat Lady (11.2)''===


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==Episode 12==

===''Survival of the Unfittest (12.1)''===


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===''Nixed Signals (12.2)''===


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==Episode 13==

===''Ay Fidelity (13.1)''===


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===''Cut the Chisme (13.2)''===


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:''[Evening at the Casagrande apartment]''
:'''Hector''': ''[entering]'' ''Hola,'' I'm home! Ho, you guys will never believe what Vito wears to bed. ''[sees his whole family, really annoyed at him]'' What? You already know about the bunny pajamas?
:'''Carl''': No, Abuelo. This is a convention.
:'''Carlos''': Actually Carl, the word is, &quot;intervention.&quot;
:'''Rosa''': Hector, your chisme addiction is embarrassing your family.
:'''Bobby''': And making the customers mad.
:'''Frida''': You're a chismoso. And by that I mean, you're the biggest gossip in town.
:'''Hector''': What?! I'm not a gossip!

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==Episode 14==

===''Sidekickin' Chicken (14.1)''===

:'''Alexis''': It is I, Tuba Boy!
:'''Sergio''': Tuba Boy?
:''[Carl and Sergio see Alexis, in his Tuba Boy superhero costume with his mom recording]''
:'''Alexis''': Look, Mama! Tuba Boy, tu-ba rescue!
:'''Carl''': Alexis is submitting a sidekick too?
:'''Sergio''': And his costume looks amazing.
:'''Carl''': Yeah, and mine's trash. I really need to step it up if I'm gonna win this contest!

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:'''Carl''': ''[bumps into Adelaide, in her Pandalaide superhero costume]'' Adelaide, are you doing the contest too?
:'''Adelaide''': Better believe it. The name's Pandalaide! I've got panda power and sweet panda dance moves!
:'''Carl''': But you don't even watch &quot;El Falcón.&quot;
:'''Adelaide''': You're right, 'cause the show has no strong female character, but that's where I come in!

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:'''Carl''': Ooh, the letter from the show! ''[reading]'' '''&quot;Dear Carl Casagrande, thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, we didn't find El Pollito to be a very convincing sidekick.&quot;''' ''[whimpers with heartbreak]'' What?
:'''Sergio''': Sorry, Carl. Crackers on me tonight.
:'''Alexis''': ''[showing up along with Adelaide]'' Carl, we made it into the final round! What about you?
:'''Carl''': ''[tearing up, upset]'' I-I didn't make it. ''[lays his head flat on the ground, sobbing]''
:'''Alexis''': Hey, you seem upset. You want a hug? It's one of Tuba Boy's powers.
:'''Carl''': No, I'm fine! Everything's fine!
:'''Adelaide''': Okay. Well, wish us luck.
:'''Carl''': ''[crumples up the letter, angrily]'' These judges got it all wrong! El Pollito's not convincing? Oh, I'll convince them all right!
:'''Sergio''': Ooh, whatcha thinking? Blackmail? I know a pigeon.
:'''Carl''': No, we're gonna make another tape to prove the judges wrong. This time, we'll show El Pollito doing heroic acts.

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:'''Bobby''': Carl, what's wrong with you?!
:'''Carl''': I'm stopping Miranda from stealing all the newspapers. Read all about it! El Pollito saves the day!
:'''Miranda''': ''[annoyed]'' I'm recycling them. These are from yesterday.

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:'''Adelaide''': We did it! You're safe now. ''[unties Sergio]''
:'''Sergio''': My heroes!
:'''Adelaide''': Sergio?
:'''Alexis''': Why are you dressed as a baby?
:'''Sergio''': Carl's idea! He wanted to look like a hero for the show.
:''[Carl frees himself and falls flat on the ground]''
:'''Adelaide''': Carl, you put Sergio in ''real'' danger just to rescue him?
:'''Carl''': ''[sighs sadly]'' It's true. I wanted to convince the show they were wrong for not picking me, but obviously, I totally blew it. Sorry. Turns out, I'm not much of a hero.
:'''Sergio''': You're telling me.

===''Silent Fight (14.2)''===

:'''Frida''': ''[whispering angrily to Carl and CJ, breaking up their fight]'' Are you kidding me?! If either of you wakes Carlitos, ''[fiercely]'' '''you're grounded for a month!''' No, '''''two months!'''''

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:''[Carl runs off and throws CJ's hair clippers out the window]''
:'''Vito''': Hey, free haircut!
:'''CJ''': ''[whispers]'' My clippers. ''[growls at Carl; dashes off and back with Carl's El Falcón shoes, and throws them out the window]''
:'''Vito''': Hey, free shoes! ''[puts the shoes on his feet]'' Check out my new look!

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:'''Frida''': ''[wakes up and sees Carl and CJ trying to tiptoe out of the room after they woke up Carlitos, making him cry]'' Hold it right there! That's it! You two are grounded!
:'''CJ''': But…
:'''Carl''': Mom!
:'''Carlos''': And why are you dressed as sheep?
:'''Frida''': I don't even care! No buts. No moms. Go to your room! And I better not hear a peep from either one of you for the rest of the afternoon!
:'''CJ and Carl''': This is your fault!
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily whispering]'' Hey, I said, not…a…'''''peep.'''''

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:'''Carlos''': Look at that, Frida! They managed to make up on their own.
:'''Frida''': Shh!
:'''Carlos''': Oops. Sorry, Frida. I got too excited.
:''[Carlitos starts wailing off-screen]''
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily]'' And now, ''you're'' grounded! ''[walks off]''
:'''Carlos''': Wait! For how long?!

==Episode 15==

===''Kick Some Bot (15.1)''===
:'''Adelaide''': Mom, Sid. Mom. Guess what? My unicorn princess outfit won first place for Cutest Cosplay! ''[holds up a 1st place ribbon]''
:'''Becca''': Honey, that is the most amazing news I've ever heard. I'm so proud of you!
:'''Adelaide''': Thanks. I deserved it. Look at me! ''[pulls a string on her party horn, shooting out confetti and lands on Sid]''
:'''Becca''': I'll add this ribbon to the Adelaide Wall of Fame.
:'''Sid''': Keep some shelf space open for me. I finished a whole slice of pizza in one bite. It took a lot of courage in mouth space, but I didn't give up. ''[stretches her mouth open wide]''
:'''Becca''': Wow, a whole slice.

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:'''Sid''': ''[while braiding Ronnie Anne's hair]'' My mom was giving Adelaide ''all'' the attention, and I was sitting there like, &quot;Hello? I'm your daughter too.&quot;
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Ugh. Sounds rough. I'm impressed with your pizza eating abilities.
:'''Sid''': Thanks, but I feel like I have to do something big to make her proud of me. Ooh! I know! Maybe I'll eat ''two'' slices of pizza in one bite! Hit me, Breakfast Bot! ''[stretches her mouth wide open and Breakfast Bot stuffs the two pizza slices into her mouth]'' Pretty impressive, right?
:'''Ronnie Anne''': Uh, that's cool, but you're also awesome with robots.
:'''Breakfast Bot''': You know it, girl.
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[holding up her phone]'' And look! There's a Robotics Competition coming up right here in Great Lakes City!
:'''Sid''': Winning that would definitely impress my mom! ''[burps]''
:'''Ronnie Anne''': ''[groans from the smell]'' Too bad there isn't a Strongest Pepperoni Burp Competition.

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:'''Sid''': From the looks of things, I could actually win this.
:'''Lisa''': ''[showing up; clears throat]'' Maybe you need your vision checked because your competition just got stiffer.
:'''Sid''': Lisa Loud?! I subscribed to your monthly newsletter! You're competing too?
:'''Lisa''': Yep. ''[presses her wrist watch]'' Todd, initiate grand entrance.

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===''Salvador Doggy (15.2)''===

:'''Frida''': ''[angrily punches her painting with a hole]'' Terrible! You call this art?! ''[throws her painting on the ground, kicks it, and starts to sob]'' My showcase is tomorrow and I have no work to showcase at the showcase! This is the ''worst'' painter's block I've had in years. Oh, I know. I can listen to my favorite podcast. That should help.

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:'''Sergio''': ''[enters the apartment, wearing a scuba suit]'' Ready for our scuba lesson? ''[Lalo explains to him, gesturing the painting]'' You squiggled on paper. Congrats. ''[Lalo continues explaining]'' You gotta make ten more? For Frida? What's in it for you? Diddly-squat? ''[squawks disgruntled]'' Hold up. It's time I teach you about the law of supply and demand. If you're gonna supply, you gotta demand.
:''[Later, Frida returns with supplies]''
:'''Frida''': Lalo, I'm back! Ready to paint?
:'''Sergio''': ''[halting her]'' Not so fast. I'm Lalo's manager. ''[takes out a fake business card]'' For every painting my client makes, he's gotta get something out of it too. As does his manager. If you could, uh, please sign this contract. ''[takes out a lengthy contract]''
:'''Frida''': Ugh, fine. Anything to get more paintings. ''[signs the contract]''
:'''Sergio''': Initial here, here, here, here, here. Don't forget there.

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:'''Sergio''': And now my client will be retiring for the evening.
:'''Frida''': What?! But I need more paintings by tomorrow.
:'''Sergio''': And Lalo needs his beauty sleep. He can finish in the morning. ''[he and Lalo leave]''
:'''Frida''': ''[growls angrily and lets out a scream so loud it can be heard outside the apartment; sighs while preparing for bed]'' Well, hopefully we can get the rest finished tomorrow. ''[finds Sergio in the bed and shrieks]''
:'''Sergio''': Excuse me. The artiste is trying to sleep.
:'''Frida''': ''[confused]'' What? ''[lifts the covers, revealing Lalo snoring]'' Lalo?! But this is ''my'' bed! Where am I supposed to sleep?!

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:'''Sergio''': ''[yawns]'' Slept like a baby. That bed is comfy. Don't just stand there. Here's our breakfast order. ''[unveils a long breakfast list]''
:'''Frida''': ''[angrily losing it]'' That's it! ''[rips up the list]'' The deal's off! I'll find another artist, Lalo! You're not the only dog in town! ''[storms off]''
:'''Sergio''': Sheesh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the doggy bed.

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==Episode 16==

===''The Wrust Job (16.1)''===


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===''The Sound of Meddle (16.2)''===


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==Episode 17==

===''Alpaca Lies (17.1)''===


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===''Rocket Plan (17.2)''===


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==''Phantom Freakout (Episode 18)''==


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:'''Director''': CUT! Someone clean up that mess, and stop playing that nightmare music!
:'''Sid''': This is ''not'' going the way I planned, but I did get to smell Yoon Kwan just now, so it's kinda going how I planned.

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==Episode 19==

===''The Odd Father (19.1)''===


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===''The Long Shot (19.2)''===


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==Episode 20==

===''Flock This Way (20.1)''===


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===''Movers and Fakers (20.2)''===


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==External links==
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>ah4noai81p95t02canhmpjgcspzfoow</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>PAW Patrol</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>240858</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3145949</id>
      <parentid>3125917</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T12:08:17Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2001:4451:434C:9E00:A5DE:8B1E:B219:350F</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Repeated lines */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3198" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''Seasons''': [[PAW Patrol (season 1)|1]] / [[PAW Patrol (season 2)|2]] / [[PAW Patrol (season 3)|3]] / [[PAW Patrol (season 4)|4]] / [[PAW Patrol (season 5)|5]] / [[PAW Patrol (season 6)|6]] / [[PAW Patrol (season 7)|7]] / [[PAW Patrol (season 8)|8]] / [[PAW Patrol (specials)|Specials]] / '''Movies''': [[PAW Patrol: The Movie]] / [[PAW Patrol|Main]]
----------------
'''''[[w:PAW Patrol|PAW Patrol]]''''' is a Canadian computer-animated children's television series created by [[w:Keith Chapman|Keith Chapman]]. It is produced by [[w:Spin Master Entertainment|Spin Master Entertainment]], with animation provided by [[w:Guru Studio|Guru Studio]]. In Canada, the series is primarily broadcast on [[w:TVOKids|TVOKids]], which first ran previews of the show in August 2013. The series premiered on [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] in the United States on August 12, 2013.

==Repeated lines==
===Ryder===
* No job is too big, no pup is too small!
* PAW Patrol, to the Lookout!
* Alright! PAW Patrol is on a roll!
* Whenever you're in trouble, just yelp for help!
* You're all such good pups.
* What good pups!

===Chase===
* PAW Patrol, ready for action, Ryder, sir!
* Chase is on the case!
* These paws uphold the laws!

===Marshall===
* I'm fired up!
* I'm ready for a ruff-ruff rescue!
* ''[when causing a humorous mishap due to his clumsiness]'' ''WHOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!''

===Skye===
* Let's take to the sky!
* This puppy's gotta fly!

===Rocky===
* Green means go!
* Don't lose it, reuse it!
* ''[when he gets splashed or sprayed due to his aquaphobia]'' ''NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!''

===Rubble===
* Rubble on the double!
* Let's dig it!

===Zuma===
* Let's dive in!
* Ready, set, get wet!
* Awesome!

===Everest===
* Ice or snow, I'm ready to go!
* Off the trail, Everest won't fail!

===Tracker===
* I'm all ears! ¡Soy todo oidos!
* ''[when facing a usually daunting situation]'' ''Oi, oi, oi...''

===Others===
*'''Cap'n Turbot''': This Cap'n can do!
*'''Francois Turbot''': Look at me!
*'''Mayor Goodway''': ''[Chickaletta is on top of the City Hall when she getting scared]'' My poor purse pet!
*'''Daring Danny X''': ''[when someone refers to him as simply &quot;Danny&quot; or &quot;Daring Danny&quot;]'' That's Daring Danny X!

==Seasons==
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 1)|Season 1]]''' (2013-2014)
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 2)|Season 2]]''' (2014-2015)
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 3)|Season 3]]''' (2015-2017)
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 4)|Season 4]]''' (2017-2018)
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 5)|Season 5]]''' (2018-2019)
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 6)|Season 6]]''' (2019-2021)
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 7)|Season 7]]''' (2020-2021)
:'''[[PAW Patrol (season 8)|Season 8]]''' (2021-2022)

==Specials==
:'''[[PAW Patrol (specials)|Special Episodes]]''' (2018-2020)

==Movies==
:'''[[PAW Patrol: The Movie]]''' (2021)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
      <sha1>d26s0ngplttugm9acyeaa7qn2ayz1f9</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>242430</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146121</id>
      <parentid>3127453</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:54:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Thundercone (Episode 1) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17486" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after the boys escaped the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened-out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:''[Starla roars]''
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked with dismay]'' What?!
:'''Don''': NO!
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Napoleon and Tokiko.

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': &quot;The Rico.&quot;
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Rico''': Wow, Kipper! You look like an Acapulco cliff diver!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>k13fjfe7ofli81u8vnjn49i32tcq3t1</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146122</id>
      <parentid>3146121</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:55:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Thundercone (Episode 1) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17481" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened-out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:''[Starla roars]''
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked with dismay]'' What?!
:'''Don''': NO!
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Napoleon and Tokiko.

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': &quot;The Rico.&quot;
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Rico''': Wow, Kipper! You look like an Acapulco cliff diver!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>54jukqk56ujbitil5erhvgyaq16e8uc</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146123</id>
      <parentid>3146122</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:55:13Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Thundercone (Episode 1) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17481" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:''[Starla roars]''
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked with dismay]'' What?!
:'''Don''': NO!
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Napoleon and Tokiko.

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': &quot;The Rico.&quot;
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Rico''': Wow, Kipper! You look like an Acapulco cliff diver!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>ea8za7coe070zqyqf7ktvytmpcxfmhk</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146124</id>
      <parentid>3146123</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:55:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Thundercone (Episode 1) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17461" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked with dismay]'' What?!
:'''Don''': NO!
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Napoleon and Tokiko.

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': &quot;The Rico.&quot;
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Rico''': Wow, Kipper! You look like an Acapulco cliff diver!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>0lt0w3djsiesuox68q4iwoik3r6d0x7</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146125</id>
      <parentid>3146124</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:56:13Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Scantronica Love (Episode 2) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17418" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Don''': ''[dismayed]'' NO!

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': &quot;The Rico.&quot;
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Rico''': Wow, Kipper! You look like an Acapulco cliff diver!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>1v39nhftv2spyuudnivlua9mf3i4u12</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146126</id>
      <parentid>3146125</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:57:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Ligertown (Episode 3) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17419" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Don''': ''[dismayed]'' NO!

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart, and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': &quot;The Rico.&quot;
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Rico''': Wow, Kipper! You look like an Acapulco cliff diver!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>4nd4zcgitt4z1vzuk6lhc0vq3cz2uj6</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146128</id>
      <parentid>3146126</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T01:02:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Bed Races (Episode 5) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17417" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Don''': ''[dismayed]'' NO!

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart, and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': The Rico.
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Rico''': Wow, Kipper! You look like an Acapulco cliff diver!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>mkjalkn3ybefcskdkowtk3m98wfibwl</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146130</id>
      <parentid>3146128</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T01:08:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* FFA (Episode 6) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17768" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Don''': ''[dismayed]'' NO!

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart, and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': The Rico.
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Napoleon''': What are you doing here, Filson? I thought you graduated.
:'''Filson''': Nope, failed English.
:''[The FFA students gasp]''
:'''Napoleon''': But you're great at English. 
:'''Filson''': Is I, Napoleon? Is I?
:'''Napoleon''': You failed on purpose!
:'''Filson''': You didn't think I was gonna let you have all the glory and the women, did you? 
:'''Napoleon''': You don't care about the FFA, Filson.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is my kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>smhndj4766yc8erxhglmqieqd02hxaq</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146131</id>
      <parentid>3146130</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T01:11:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* FFA (Episode 6) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17772" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Don''': ''[dismayed]'' NO!

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart, and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': The Rico.
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Napoleon''': What are you doing here, Filson? I thought you graduated.
:'''Filson''': Nope, failed English.
:''[The FFA students gasp]''
:'''Napoleon''': But you're great at English. 
:'''Filson''': Is I, Napoleon? Is I?
:'''Napoleon''': You failed on purpose!
:'''Filson''': You didn't think I was gonna let you have all the glory and the women, did you? 
:'''Napoleon''': You don't care about the FFA, Filson.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is ''my'' kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' &quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot; ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
      <sha1>fuu55d3mtlstx7npw3uupslcm3lism0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146132</id>
      <parentid>3146131</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T01:14:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* FFA (Episode 6) */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17778" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Napoleon Dynamite (TV series)|Napoleon Dynamite]]''''' is an American animated sitcom based on the [[Napoleon Dynamite|2004 indie film of the same name]].

==''Thundercone (Episode 1)''==
:'''Napoleon''': You better not eat that breast, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Try and stop me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[quickly picks up a biscuit, threatening to throw it at him]'' You do, you die.
:'''Kip''': What?
:'''Napoleon''': You do, you die. I'm sick of you always taking my stuff, Kip.
:'''Kip''': Name three times in chronological order.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon enters the living room with lots of zits on his forehead as Kip and Carlinda gasp at him]''
:'''Napoleon''': What?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Holy crap! What happened to your forehead?!
:'''Napoleon''': Kip hucked some chicken skin at me, and it gave me a butt load of zits. He's always disrespecting me 'cause he's jealous of my sweet body. ''[squashes a fly on his chest, killing it]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[disgusted]'' Napoleon, your face is making me sick. Go into the bathroom and pop those things.
:'''Napoleon''': I already tried. They're not ready yet. ''[tries popping one on his forehead]'' See?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You're not doing it right. Get over here. ''[smacks Kip in the back of his head]''
:'''Kip''': Jeez!
:''[Napoleon sits down and Carlinda starts trying to pop the zits]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[in unison]'' Hold still. Hold still!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[in unison]'' Ow, ow! Stop! It kills! Dang it!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Well, the roots are too deep. They're digging into the skull.
:'''Napoleon''': I told you they weren't ready.
:'''Kip''': Try stabbing it with a blade.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Good idea, Kipper. ''[takes out her knife as Kip uses a lighter, flaming the blade]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[runs out of the house in his underwear and bear slippers]'' You guys are idiots!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Preston High School; Napoleon is in the boys bathroom, about to put the Rack-U-Tane cream on his forehead zits]''
:'''Napoleon''': ''[reading the instructions on the tube]'' &quot;WARNING: Physical side-effects include: bad breath, B.O., lust, increased pain threshold, and fits of unbridled rage.&quot; Yeah, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': What's that over there?
:'''Rex''': I'll answer that question in seven years…when you're ready.
:'''Napoleon''': Come on, tell me.
:'''Rex''': Oh, all right. That's the Thundercone.
:''[Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes]''
:'''Pedro''': I've heard people die there, like 20 times a day.
:'''Napoleon''': Sweet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Napoleon is searching for his Rack-U-Tane somewhere in his bedroom]''
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, I can't find my Rack-U-Tane anywhere! There's no way I can fight without it!
:'''Pedro''': Oh, well. At least your skin is clear.
:'''Kip''': ''[enters the room]'' What are you still doing here, Napoleon? I thought you had a big fight to impress the woman you stole from me.
:'''Napoleon''': She has a name, Kip. I just don't know what it is.
:''[Doorbell rings]''
:'''Kip''': Oh. That must be the ride I arranged for you.
:'''Rex''': ''[pounding on the door from outside]'' DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU?!
:'''Napoleon''': Oh, man! It's Rex! Pedro, tell him I have diarrhea! ''[quickly hides under his bed]''
:'''Kip''': He's right here, Rex. Hiding under his bed.
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, shut up!
:'''Rex''': ''[pulls Napoleon out from under the bed]'' Nobody turns their back on the Thundercone! You're gonna fight whether you want to or not! ''[drags Napoleon out of his room by the legs]''
:'''Pedro''': Be careful. He has diarrhea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Kip, this is gonna be the easiest fight of my life.
:'''Kip''': ''[takes out the Rack-U-Tane]'' Is it, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
:'''Kip''': You stole my Misty!
:'''Misty''': I love when guys fight over me.
:'''Deb''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Napoleon''': Screw you, Kip!
:'''Kip''': All right. But first, let me ''unscrew'' the cap on this tube.
:'''Napoleon''': I am SO gonna apply my skills to beat you!
:'''Kip''': Perhaps. Right after I apply the last of this rage cream to my face.
:'''Napoleon''': Quit cleverly twisting my words!
:'''Misty''': Stop talking, start punching!
:'''Kip''': Prepare to be humiliated in front of Misty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The angry mob chases after Napoleon and Kip after they escape the Thundercone]''
:'''Napoleon''': Thanks, Kip. I couldn't have chickened out with a better guy.
:'''Kip''': Can we make up later? I can't run and talk at the same time.
:'''Rex''': Kill 'em, honey bunch!
:'''Misty''': I love you, Starla!

==''Scantronica Love (Episode 2)''==
:'''Scantronica 3000''': Summer and Pedro.
:'''Pedro''': ''[romantically]'' ''¡Hijole!''
:'''Summer''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Don''': ''[dismayed]'' NO!

==''Ligertown (Episode 3)''==
:'''Napoleon''': So, Pedro, the other day, I found like, a scientist's secret diary, and it said if you burp, sneeze, fart, and yawn at the same time, you explode.
:'''Pedro''': Science is amazing.
:'''Kip''': B.S., Napoleon, scientists don't keep diaries. They have logs. Secondly, I know two people who have snee-furped and lived to blog about it.
:'''Napoleon''': Well, they're liars! All the air leaving your body would create a super-vacuum and turn you into an upside-down blood fountain. GOSH!
:'''Rico''': ''[driving by in his van]'' This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard. Let's try it and see who's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pedro''': The root beer has reached the cabbage. I think we're a go.
:'''Rico''': Initiating pepper cloud.
:'''Kip''': Any last words, Napoleon?
:'''Napoleon''': Pedro, if I die, a hawk sprinkle on my ashes in Bear Lake.
:'''Pedro''': As you wish.
:'''Kip''': Snee-furp in 3, 2, and 1.
:''[Napoleon groans and grunts as his stomach rumbles and passes wind, launching himself into the sky]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[coming out of the house]'' Have you boys seen my cabbage? Oh! There it is! What you idiots looking at?
:'''Napoleon''': ''[falling from the sky]'' Get out of the way! Get out of the way! ''[lands on Carlinda, breaking the picnic table]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[grunting]'' Get off of me! ''[coughs]'' Oh.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[gets up]'' Sorry I didn't explode, guys. I totally forgot to yawn.
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': No, I'm not okay! Your dingbat brother just broke my transition lenses!
:'''Rico''': Boy, you ''really'' done it now. A good pair of photo-grays will set you back $28. And that's without the croakies!
:'''Napoleon''': $28?! I'll never have that kind of money!
:'''Rico''': Now, Carlinda, I keep telling you, these nephews of mine need to get a job! ''[Carlinda smacks him in the back of his head]'' Ow!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these.
:'''Napoleon''': What about Kip?
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Kip's too frail for today's modern workplace. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing.
:'''Napoleon''': Why can't ''I'' be your eyes?
:'''Kip''': Because I'm way better describing stuff. Like how I always say a baby's hand looks like a starfish.
:'''Rico''': Whoa. That is dead-on accurate, Kipper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[running past his house, calling his grandma through the window]'' Hey, Grandma, I just got a sweet new job! ''[to Kip]'' Kip, you suck!
:'''Kip''': Well, that was uncalled for. ''[closes the blinds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''These'' are ligers? I should've picked prison snitch. ''[A woodpecker pecks on his forehead]'' What have you done to the ligers? They're so peaceful and decroded!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[after the mama liger gives birth to a liger cub]'' I'm not fainting about this. I'm fainting about something else.

==''Pedro vs. Deb (Episode 4)''==
:'''Pedro''': I'm not sitting with her.
:'''Deb''': And I'm not sitting with him.
:'''Napoleon''': ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' sitting alone.

==''Bed Races (Episode 5)''==
:'''Napoleon''': Kip! There's no monsters! Turn the light off! ''[A truck horn blares and he sits up, seeing a truck driving towards him]'' TRUCK!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chef''': ''[holding out a plate with a sandwich]'' Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
:'''Rico''': Really? What's it called?
:'''Chef''': The Rico.
:'''Rico''': Hey, that's ''my'' name!
:'''Chef''': It's got crawfish, peanuts, and strawberries.
:'''Napoleon''': Aren't you allergic to all those things?
:'''Rico''': Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you? ''[takes a bite of the sandwich and his face swells up; muffled]'' Delicious. Such an honor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': We need to talk, without any broads around. ''[To Candy]'' No offense, my lady.
:'''Rico''': Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a &quot;Tobleroney.&quot;
:''[Candy gets up and walks to the snack bar]''
:'''Napoleon''': And a box of Dots! ''[To Rico]'' Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty. We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
:'''Rico''': Oh, no, we don't. You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Rico''': You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
:'''Napoleon''': Heck, yes, I do.
:'''Rico''': Then best you keep your mouth shut.
:'''Napoleon''': But, I'm worried about Grandma! I think her brain is broken.
:'''Rico''': What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been! Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night. I'm like the goll-dang president!
:'''Candy''': ''[To Napoleon]'' I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
:'''Napoleon''': &quot;Dots!&quot; Geez!
:'''Rico''': I'm serious, Napoleon. The town even wants to put one of them bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame. Please don't take all this away from me. I don't wanna die alone in that van.
:'''Napoleon''': Fine! Forget I asked!
:'''Candy''': ''[returns and mistakenly gives Napoleon a box of Duds]'' Here's your Duds.
:''[Napoleon annoyingly groans loudly and leaves the theater, fuming]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, startled]'' That was close. I almost had a bad dream. ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes his face]''
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': All the napkins in the world can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': Wha…?
:'''Dragon Figurine''': He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your grandma.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
:'''Napoleon''': You guys can talk?
:'''Ink Cartridge''': ''All'' your ill-gotten gains can talk.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
:'''Napoleon''': Uh-huh. Wait, what?
:'''Napoleon Hall Pass''': If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': ''[roars]'' You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice, but ''this'' I can't ignore!
:'''Napoleon''': Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?!
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': He doesn't have a conscience. ''Or'' a bed. You've got to tell the truth! Admit your deceit!
:'''Napoleon''': And if I don't?
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': Oh, that DOES it!
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
:'''Dragon Figurine''': Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
:'''Napoleon's Bed''': I said lots of things!
:'''Napoleon''': ''[wakes up, surprised and sweating]'' I ''did'' have a bad dream! ''[takes a napkin from the dispenser that says: '''&quot;DO THE RIGHT THING!&quot;''' and another that says: '''&quot;ORDER MORE NAPKINS NOW!&quot;''']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': Tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': You can't talk, I'm awake.
:'''Napkin Dispenser''': You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her!
:'''Napoleon''': Grandma, I can't take it anymore! Rico and I cheated! You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': What are you saying?
:'''Napoleon''': I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race!
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I ''knew'' I wasn't an old lady. To the Garden of Fame!
:'''Napoleon''': How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I know something ''faster'' than a car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[fiercly]'' Rico!
:'''Rico''': ''[gasps; nervously]'' Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Get your head in here.
:'''Rico''': Yes, ma'am. ''[puts his head under her arm]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I believe you have something to tell my fans. ''[lowers down the microphone to him]''
:'''Rico''': ''[talks into the microphone; to the crowd]'' After giving it much thought, I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade. I cheated in the bed race.
:''[The crowd gasps in shock at hearing this]''
:'''Mayor of Preston''': Rico, ''[sticks out his hand]'' give back your key to the city.
:''[Rico takes out his keychain from his pocket and struggles to get the city key out and hands it over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up for my despicable, yet clever behavior…
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': You can help me un-donate me car. Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
:'''Kip''': You know it, G.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': To the convent!
:''[Rico's van drives off as the sun sets]''
:'''Rico''': All right, what's the plan?
:'''Napoleon''': Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
:'''Pedro''': ''[unsure]'' I'm not comfortable stealing from Señor Jesus.
:'''Rico''': Sorry, Pedro. You're up your pretty little neck in this.
:'''Pedro''': Oy.

==''FFA (Episode 6)''==
:'''Napoleon''': What are you doing here, Filson? I thought you graduated.
:'''Filson''': Nope, failed English.
:''[The FFA students gasp]''
:'''Napoleon''': But you're great at English. 
:'''Filson''': Is I, Napoleon? Is I?
:'''Napoleon''': You failed on purpose!
:'''Filson''': You didn't think I was gonna let you have all the glory and the women, did you? 
:'''Napoleon''': You don't care about the FFA, Filson.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house window of the dining room]''
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
:'''Rico''': When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': I do love my trashy family dramas.
:'''Rico''': Well, enjoy the latest episode of &quot;329 Oneida Street.&quot; ''[turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house]'' Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
:'''Kip''': That's not good.
:'''Rico''': And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': ''[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door]'' This is ''my'' kind of show.
:'''Father''': ''[angrily walks out of the house towards the van]'' Hey! You in the van!
:'''Rico''': Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
:'''Father''': I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! ''[mistakenly grabs and pulls Kip out of the van, and starts beating him up]''
:'''Kip''': ''[getting beaten up while Carlinda watches]'' My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Your Majesty? ''[looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note]'' '''&quot;Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen.&quot;''' ''[closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder]'' Nicole! ''[opens his eyes and turns around to see…]'' Pedro?!
:'''Pedro''': ''[unhappy]'' I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
:'''Pedro''': In a hole?
:'''Napoleon''': It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, ''[picks up the fruit basket]'' her apples are fake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Napoleon''': Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
:'''Pedro''': You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! ''[Two earthworms giggle at them]'' You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
:'''Napoleon''': Well, ''you're'' a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
:'''Pedro''': Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! ''[spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]''
:'''Napoleon''': I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rico''': ''[wakes up, sensing trouble]'' Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf ear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kip''': Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
:'''Rico''': Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
:'''Napoleon''': That daughter's pretty hot.
:'''Grandma Carlinda''': Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
:'''Napoleon''': Rude.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American high school TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American teen sitcoms]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:FOX shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>244754</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146084</id>
      <parentid>3145487</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:37:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>2600:1004:B095:9B6C:796B:61F0:D525:41D8</ip>
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      <text bytes="3484" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous|Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous]]''''' is an American animated science fiction action-adventure streaming television series developed by {{w|Zack Stentz}}. The series follows a group of teenage campers who become stranded on Isla Nublar after multiple dinosaurs escape their habitats.

{{tv-stub}}

== Season 1 ==
=== ''Camp Cretaceous'' [1.01] ===
:'''Mr. DNA''': Congratulations, player. I'm Mr. DNA and you're the first person to ever beat our game, so we wanna reward you with a trip to Jurassic World's brand-new-state-of-the-art adventure camp. That's right, get ready to join us at Camp Cretaceous!

=== ''Secrets'' [1.02] ===
:'''Darius''': Thanks to you, I'm shoveling poop instead of watching a live dinosaur birth. That's only been my dream since, I don't know, forever!

=== ''The Cattle Drive'' [1.03] ===
=== ''Things Fall Apart'' [1.04] ===
=== ''Happy Birthday, Eddie!'' [1.05] ===
=== ''Welcome to Jurassic World'' [1.06] ===
=== ''Last Day of Camp'' [1.07] ===
=== ''End of the Line'' [1.08] ===

== Season 2 ==
=== ''A Beacon of Hope'' [2.01] ===
=== ''The Art of Chill'' [2.02] ===
=== ''The Watering Hole'' [2.03] ===
=== ''Salvation'' [2.04] ===
=== ''Brave'' [2.05] ===
=== ''Misguided'' [2.06] ===
=== ''Step One'' [2.07] ===
=== ''Chaos Theory'' [2.08] ===

== Season 3 ==
=== ''View from the Top'' [3.01] ===
=== ''Safe Harbor '' [3.02] ===
=== ''Casa De Kenji'' [3.03] ===
=== ''Clever Girl'' [3.04] ===
=== ''Eye of the Storm'' [3.05] ===
=== ''The Long Run'' [3.06] ===
=== ''A Shock to the System'' [3.07] ===
=== ''Escape from Isla Nublar'' [3.08] ===
=== ''Whatever It Takes'' [3.09] ===
=== ''Stay on Mission'' [3.10] ===

== Season 4 ==
=== ''Beneath the Surface'' [4.01] ===
=== ''At Least…'' [4.02] ===
=== ''Turning Dr. Turner'' [4.03] ===
=== ''Rude Awakening'' [4.04] ===
=== ''The Long Game'' [4.05] ===
=== ''Mission Critical'' [4.06] ===
=== ''Staying Alive'' [4.07] ===
=== ''Technical Difficulties'' [4.08] ===
=== ''Dino-Sitting'' [4.09] ===
=== ''Taking Control'' [4.10] ===
=== ''Who's the Boss?'' [4.11] ===

== Season 5 ==
=== ''Reunited'' [5.01] ===you were supposed to get this place up and running not commit murder!

=== ''The Final Test'' [5.02] ===
=== ''Battle Lines'' [5.03] ===
=== ''Evasive Action'' [5.04] ===
=== ''Shaky Ground'' [5.05] ===
=== ''Out of the Pack'' [5.06] ===
=== ''The Leap'' [5.07] ===
=== ''Clean Break'' [5.08] ===
=== ''The Core'' [5.09] ===
=== ''Arrival'' [5.10] ===
=== ''The Last Stand'' [5.11] ===
=== ''The Nublar Six'' [5.12] ===

== Cast ==
* Paul-Mikél Williams - Darius Bowman
* {{w|Sean Giambrone}} - Ben Pincus
* {{w|Kausar Mohammed}} - Yasmina &quot;Yaz&quot; Fadoula
* {{w|Jenna Ortega}} - Brooklyn
* {{w|Ryan Potter}} - Kenji Kon
* {{w|Raini Rodriguez}} - Sammy Gutierrez

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|10436228|Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous}}
* {{Official website|https://www.netflix.com/title/81009646}}

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Netflix shows]]
[[Category:Animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about teenagers]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dinosaurs]]
[[Category:LGBT-related animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television programs based on films]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Loud House/Season 6</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>245285</id>
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      <id>3146026</id>
      <parentid>3144827</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T18:19:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>69.216.17.97</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* The Taunting Hour (5.1) */</comment>
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----
:'''Seasons:''' [[The Loud House/Season 1|1]] [[The Loud House/Season 2|2]] [[The Loud House/Season 3|3]] [[The Loud House/Season 4|4]] [[The Loud House/Season 5|5]] [[The Loud House/Season 6|6]] ([[The Loud House|Main]]) | '''[[The Casagrandes|Casagrandes]]''' (Seasons [[The Casagrandes/Season 1|1]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 2|2]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 3|3]])
----

'''''{{w|The Loud House}}''''' (2016–present) is an American [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] created by [[w:Chris Savino|Chris Savino]] for [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.

==''Episode 1''==

===''Present Danger (1.1)''===
:'''Gus''': Lincoln! Bravo, buddy, but you gotta get off the table.
:'''Customer''': You have ruined my wife's garlic knots!
:'''Lincoln''': Sorry! ''[gets off the table; to the viewers]'' Well, today's a really big day. It's my 12th birthday! Feels like I've been 11 forever, so this year, I'm doing it in style. David Steele-style. I asked all my friends to come to Gus's dressed as their favorite MALICE villains. You have Golden Toe, Blowfish, Odd Bob, and Patty Whack. So far, it's been great. One moment… Nothing but net. And now that we've finished playing Agents and MALICE, it's time for…
:'''Rita''': Presents!
:'''Lincoln''': Yes!
:'''Liam''': Wahoo!
:'''Zach''': Rusty, the invitation said only Lincoln was supposed to dress up as David Steele.
:'''Rusty''': Sorry, dude. It's not my fault I look amazing in a tuxedo. Besides, check out the Loud seniors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Well, thanks for coming, everyone. Today is a special day for a special- ''[notices his dad crying]'' Dad, you know if you cry, I'm gonna- ''[he and Leonard both break down sobbing in each other's arms]''
:'''Rita''': Lincoln, I think what your dad was ''trying'' to say is that 12 is a Loud family landmark. He and Gramps have a special present for you. Your great-grandfather gave it to Gramps when he was 12, and Gramps gave it to ''your'' dad when ''he'' was 12.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Room for one more?
:'''Scoots''': Doesn't look like there's room for one more. Because of your dang party, I'm stuck with these two bozos at the loaner's table.
:'''Flip''': Hey, you ain't no picnic yourself there, lady! ''[eats the pizza]''
:'''Chandler''': What do you want there anyway, Lincoln Lame?
:'''Lincoln''': ''[takes a seat]'' Someone nabbed one of my birthday presents, and I think one of you is the culprit. ''[takes out a deck of cards]'' The game is Go Fish. If I win, you have to turn out your pockets.
:'''Chandler''': And what's in it for us?
:'''Lincoln''': If you win, you get to keep all my… ''[close-up on his face] Presents.'' So, are you feeling lucky?
:'''Chandler''': You're on!

===''Stressed for the Part (1.2)''===
:'''Luan''': ''[practicing her moos]'' Moo! Moo! ''[falsetto]'' Moooo!
:'''Mr. Coconuts''': Nah, toots. That's too Holstein. Go lower into your Jersey range.
:'''Luan''': Oh, Mr. Coconuts, I can't wait to tell Mrs. Bernardo I got the part!
:'''Mr. Coconuts''': She'll be over the moooon, toots!
:'''Luan''': Aww.
:''[Suddenly Mrs. Bernardo walks in with her makeup running]''

==''Episode 2''==

===''Don't Escar-go (2.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': So, what's the occasion, Clyde?
:'''Zach''': Yeah, are you buttering us up for something?
:'''Clyde''': Ok, here goes. The reason I created this ''Célébration de'' Friendship Brunch is because, I've got some big news. It all started last night…
:''[Flashback to earlier, getting a phone call]''
:'''Howard''': Clyde, can you get that? And please be careful. That phone is older than our 1930's Dust Bowl glasses.
:'''Clyde''': ''[picks up the phone and answers]'' Hello?
:'''Nana Gayle''': ''[calling on the other end from Sunset Canyon]'' Clyde, it's Nana Gayle. Ooh, I've got big news. My best friend, Fleur DuPont, just came to town for a surprise visit. She happens to be the dean of one of the finest cooking academies in the world.
:'''Clyde''': I know that academy! It's nearly impossible to get in. They wouldn't even let the Queen of England in. Granted, I've heard her sponge cake is dry-
:'''Nana Gayle''': Clyde, get your buns over here! And bring your baked goods, too! If Fleur tries them, oh, she's sure to let you in.
:''[Clyde hangs up happily; back to the present]''
:'''Zach''': So, what happened?
:'''Clyde''': She loved everything I made! In fact, Dean DuPont said I just have to pass one last exam tonight. I have to cook her an entire dinner. If I nail it, I'll be into the academy!
:'''Stella''': Yeah!
:'''Lincoln''': Yeah!
:'''Rusty''': Yeah, alright! ''[Clyde starts sniffing]'' Clyde, what's wrong?
:'''Clyde''': ''[sniffs]'' There's only one drawback: The school's in… Paris.
:'''Lincoln''': ''[despaired]'' NOOOOOOOOO! ''[collapses]''
:'''Liam''': Aww, it's happening again. Clyde's leaving us, just like when Lincoln done went to Canada.
:'''Clyde''': Let's not lose our heads here. I'm not 1,000% sure I'm going yet. They might not even pick me.
:'''Rusty''': Your food is divine. Of course you'll get in.
:'''Clyde''': I'll miss you guys like crazy, but this is an incredible opportunity. Where else could I learn to cook ''sole meunière, concombre a la menthe, escargot--''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[brushes the imagination aside]'' Wait, Clyde. What if you could learn to cook all those things here in Royal Woods? I know someone who can teach you. Then we wouldn't lose you.
:'''Rusty''': Ooh, give it a try, Clyde. Please?
:'''Stella''': Yeah, we're your crew, table 10 at lunch, the Action News Team! We have to stick together.
:'''Clyde''': But who are you thinking could teach me?
:'''Lincoln''': I know just the guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Royal Woods Middle School cafeteria; the gang talks to Chef Pat]''
:'''Stella''': Chef Pat, do you know anything about French cooking?
:'''Chef Pat''': Pfft, I know everything. I used to be the head chef on a 60-foot yacht off the French Riviera. Here. ''[takes a buckwheat galette out of her hair net]'' Try a nutty buckwheat galette.
:'''Zach''': Nutty. Smooth. So why do you cook sloppy joes all the time?
:'''Chef Pat''': 'Cause that's what you kids like. ''[walks into the kitchen]''
:'''Lincoln''': Chet Pat, you ''have'' to teach Clyde all about French cooking, or else he's moving to Paris. ''[slides on his knees; begging]'' Please!
:'''Chef Pat''': Hmm. That's a lot to ask, but I'll do it, on one condition. While I'm with Clyde, you guys gotta take care of my niece, Waffles. If she tries to bite you, give her waffles. They calm her down.

===''Double Trouble (2.2)''===
:''[The Loud twin sisters arrive at Auntie Pam's contest for all the twins of Royal Woods]''
:'''Lola''': First rule of any contest: Know your enemy, and you can never lose. Who's gonna be our biggest threat?
:'''Lana''': Mr. Grouse and Flip?
:'''Lola''': ''[screeches her jeep to a stop]'' Um, what are you two trying to pull? You're not even related!
:'''Mr. Grouse''': What? You don't see the resemblance? ''[he and Flip both tug their mustaches]''
:'''Flip''': Ooh, it's in the flavor savers. ''[they both walk away, chuckling]''
:'''Lola''': Ugh.
:'''Lana''': And what's Liam doing here?
:'''Liam''': ''[to his twin goats]'' Okay, fellers, eye of the tiger.
:'''Lola''': His twins aren't even human!
:'''Liam''': Huh? They got every right to be here.
:'''Scoots''': ''[honks and pulls up]'' Uh, anyone seen my twin sister Mopes? She looks just like me, except for she's on a moped. ''[drives off]''
:'''Lola''': No way Scoots has a twin! The universe would never be so cruel.
:'''Mopes''': ''[pulls up]'' Anyone seen my twin sister Scoots? She looks just like me, except for she's on a scooter. ''[drives off]''
:'''Lola''': Okay, Scoots' sister is obviously just her in a wig. This contest is going to be an ice cream cake walk.
:'''Lana''': Yeah, we're the only ''real'' twins here.
:'''Cheryl''': ''[showing up with Meryl]'' Stop the presses! 'Cause Cheryl…
:'''Meryl''': And Meryl…
:'''Both''': Have arrived!
:'''Cheryl''': Sorry for being tardy, y'all. We may have gotten sucked into an episode of our favorite soap opera, &quot;Southern Hospitality.&quot;
:'''Auntie Pam''': ''[blowing her whistle]'' Alrighty, who's ready to twin it up? Let's get this competition started!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Auntie Pam''': ''[sees Liam's twin goats fighting; blowing her whistle]'' Disqualified!
:'''Liam''': Disqualified? For what?
:'''Auntie Pam''': ''[pulls out a contract]'' Violation of Auntie Pam's Double Trouble Contract. I can't have my twins fighting. They need to be united.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[As the Double Trouble contest comes to an end at sunset…]''
:'''Auntie Pam''': Our two final teams are Cheryl and Meryl, and Lola and Lana. And now for the big moment. Our Double Trouble twins and winners of a lifetime supply of ice cream are…lo and behold, Cheryl and Meryl!
:''[Cheryl and Meryl gasp and squeal in delight over winning; The Loud twins sigh in disappointment and drive back home]''
:'''Lola''': It's no fair! That crown and ice cream should be ''ours!'' ''[gasps and screeches her jeep to a stop as she and Lana see Liam's twin goats fighting over his shirt]''
:'''Liam''': ''[bursts out of a bush, going after them]'' Hey, wait up, fellers!
:'''Lana''': At least we didn't get disqualified for fighting, right?
:'''Lola''': ''[gets an idea]'' Fight clause. Lana, maybe there's a way we can ''still'' win! Cheryl and Meryl just need to start bickering, and Auntie Pam will make ''us'' the Double Trouble twins!
:'''Lana''': But how do we know they'll fight?
:'''Lola''': 'Cause you and I are going to ''make'' them.
:''[Next day at elementary school; Lana is walking with Cheryl on their snack break]''
:'''Lana''': Thanks for the snack break, Cheryl.
:'''Cheryl''': My pleasure, sugar.
:'''Lana''': I've never heard a person talk as much as Cheryl. She said, like, a gazillion sentences, and they all started with &quot;sugar.&quot;
:'''Lola''': Does that mean you got the scoop on how to split up her and Meryl?
:'''Lana''': It won't be easy. Those two are ''tight.'' They eat ice cream together every night. They watch ''all'' the same TV shows, like &quot;Southern Hospitality.&quot; They even double-date with their boyfriends.
:'''Lola''': ''[thinking]'' Hmm, I can work with all that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Cheryl''': ''[screams as she slips in the melted ice cream and falls on her back; angrily]'' Meryl, did you spill the ice cream?! Now we got a dairy river the size of the Mississippi on our floor!
:'''Meryl''': ''[miffed]'' Don't blame me, I didn't do it!
:''[They growl angrily at each other]''
:'''Cheryl''': Well, no use cryin' over spilled ice cream. We got plenty more in the backup freezer.
:'''Lola''': ''[disappointed]'' Ugh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Meryl''': ''[answers the telephone]'' Yello, Che-Meryl residence. You got Meryl.
:'''Lola''': ''[impersonating Cheryl]'' Hey, sugar, it's me, your sister.
:'''Meryl''': Hey, sugar.
:'''Lola''': I'm in a bit of a pickle here at school. Huggins has a bee in his office. Actually, a ''lot'' of bees.
:'''Lana''': ''[hold a jar of bees]'' Come home safe, my babies. ''[takes the jar lid off, releasing the bees]''
:'''Lola''': I'm fixing to be here awhile. You should go ahead and watch the season finale of &quot;Southern Hospitality&quot; without me.
:'''Meryl''': What? Well, that don't sound like you at all! You serious about this?
:'''Lola''': As serious as a hoedown.
:'''Meryl''': Ooh, that is serious. And I am chompin' at the bit to find out this pie thief. Ooh, okay. I'll watch.
:''[The Loud twins high five as they hear Cheryl and Principal Huggins running away from the bees]''
:'''Cheryl''': ''[screaming]'' Run, Huggins! They think my beehive is ''their'' beehive!
:''[Cheryl and Meryl's apartment, evening; Meryl is watching the season finale, sobbing while blowing her nose]''
:'''Cheryl''': ''[enters the apartment, covered in bee stings]'' Ooh, boy, did I have a dickens of a day. ''[realizes]'' And are you watching the &quot;Southern Hospitality&quot; finale without me?
:'''Meryl''': Uh, you called and told me to.
:'''Cheryl''': That is a backhoe of lies! I think I would remember something like that!
:'''Meryl''': You calling me a fibber?!
:'''Cheryl''': If the kitten heel fits!
:'''Meryl''': How dare you?!
:'''Cheryl''': Hmph! ''[turns around]''
:'''Meryl''': Oh, and BTDubs, Wayland is the pie thief! ''[blows her nose as her sister gasps in horror at the spoilers, and they both go their separate ways]''
:''[The Loud twins smirk at each other while watching as their plan worked successfully]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at Auntie Pam's parlor; Cheryl and Meryl are still angry with each other during the unveiling of the Double Trouble sundae]''
:'''Auntie Pam''': Welcome all to the debut of our Double Trouble sundae. Exciting, isn't it, Double Trouble twins? ''[takes out the ceremonial scissors]'' Who wants to cut the ribbon?
:'''Meryl''': ''[takes the scissors]'' ''I'll'' do it.
:'''Cheryl''': I'm surprised you haven't already done it without me, you low-down pie thief spoiler!
:'''Meryl''': ''[spitefully cuts her sister's hair with the scissors as the crowd gasps]'' Oops.
:'''Auntie Pam''': ''[gasps]'' Ok, ladies, settle down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lana''': The sign-up line for our Unlimited Double Trouble ice cream party starts here!
:'''Lola''': And remember, it's VIPs only.
:'''Cheryl''': ''[over P.A.; upset]'' Morning… ''[sobbing]'' Roosters. Today's lunch will be two identical twin fish sticks! Sorry, Principal Huggins, it's just that Meryl is ''gone!'' ''[sobbing hysterically; the Loud twins rush over investigating as Principal Huggins comforts her]'' After our tussle at Auntie Pam's parlor, we was both madder than wet hens, so this morning, Meryl packed up her stuff and left for the bus station! ''[Lola and Lana look even more guilty for what they have both done as she continues sobbing]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Meryl''': What is ''she'' doing here?
:'''Lola''': Look, Meryl, if you want to be mad someone, be mad at us.
:'''Lana''': Yeah, we wanted ice cream so bad, we tricked you two into fighting.
:''[Cheryl and Meryl gasp upon hearing this]''
:'''Lola''': It was stupid, and we feel so terrible. If anyone knows how much twins need each other, it's us.
:'''Lana''': Yeah, you can't leave, Meryl. Twins gotta stick together.
:'''Meryl''': ''[looks down at her twin, smiles back]'' Well, I guess I could stay. After all, you ''are'' the soft serve to my waffle cone.
:'''Cheryl''': ''[squeals and hops into her twin's arms]'' We gotta celebrate our reunion!
:''[Auntie Pam's; the two pair of twins are all enjoying their ice cream]''
:'''Lola''': You know, you should throw more twin soirees.
:'''Scoots''': ''[drives in]'' I heard about the twin party. Guess our invite got lost in the mail.
:'''Lola''': Spare us, Scoots. We know your &quot;sister,&quot; Mopes, isn't real.
:'''Mopes''': ''[showing up in the flesh]'' What are you lookie-loos staring at?
:'''Scoots''': You never seen twins before?

==''Episode 3''==

===''Flip This Flip (3.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': Um, what's going on?
:''[Nacho chitters while pointing at the label of Gobblesworth Farm, swooning over it, and makes smooching noises]''
:'''Lana''': OK, from what I understand- my raccoon's a little rusty- the lady on the framed turkey label is Flip's old middle school crush, um… Tommy Hogglesfort?
:'''Flip''': Tammy Gobblesworth! ''[sighs]'' My one true love. I always thought she and I would eat food off of other people's plates together forever. ''[flashback to the middle school Christmas dance]'' But then I got locked out of the school dance and missed my one shot to impress her! ''[collapses after the flashback fades back to the present]''
:''[Nacho chitters more while pointing at the label and pantomime acts like a chicken]''
:'''Lana''': ''[translating]'' Ever since Flip found the label, he's been attempting to call and ask her to dinner, but he keeps chickening out.
:'''Flip''': ''[popping up]'' Hey, chickening out is a bit harsh.
:'''Lincoln''': Flip, you can totally do this. There's nothing to be afraid of.
:'''Lana''': Yeah. You're Flip Phillipini. You're a legend!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Welcome to Flip This Flip, where we take people that are complete disasters and make them shiny and new. Let's meet our panel of experts.
:'''Lana''': Lana: Hygiene.
:'''Leni''': Leni: Fashion.
:'''Lola''': Lola: Etiquette.
:'''Lisa''': Lisa: Interesting Conversation.
:'''Lincoln''': Lincoln: Transportation. What? You guys took all the good categories.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Flip''': You did your best, Loudsters. I blew it with Tammy.
:'''Lana''': ''[gasps]'' Blew it. Yes! ''[inhales and blows the French horn, sending Flip flying in the air with his outfit coming off, and slides on the floor in front of Tammy]''
:'''Tammy''': Oh, Phillip, are you okay? And where are your pants?
:'''Flip''': I gotta level with you, Tammy. Uh, I'm not a fancy tuxedo-wearing guy who oozes sophistication. The only thing I ooze is nacho cheese. Seriously, my sweat's orange. I was only trying to impress you 'cause you're so classy and glamorous. I'm not classy, I'm just gassy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': ''[to the viewers while peddling]'' Next time, I'm hiring a limo.

===''Haunted House Call (3.2)''===
:'''Lucy''': Okay, salespeople, normies love cheerfulness. Let's see those smiles. ''[The other Morticians make weird creepy smiles on their faces]'' Forget the smiles. ''[rings the doorbell as Mr. Grouse answers the door]'' Gloomy morning, Mr. Grouse. Would you be interested in buying some homemade eyeball pops?
:'''Persephone''': We're raising money to attend Casket Con this weekend.
:'''Morpheus''': They'll be unveiling the new Model C casket from Caskets R Us. It hovers, thereby totally removing the need for polders.
:'''Boris''': We're running a special. Four eyeball pops for the price of three.
:'''Mr. Grouse''': Not now, creepy Loud and you creepy friends. I've got my own problem. I can't catch my couch to take a nap!
:''[Inside the house, his furniture is floating]''
:'''Dante''': Oh, yeah. That's a ghost problem.
:'''Mr. Grouse''': What was your first clue? When my loveseat walked itself into the kitchen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lucy''': Good morrow. Are you haunted by a specter?
:'''Morticians''': ♪ If a ghost is haunting you / And you have no clue what to do ♪
:'''Dante''': ''[dressed in a bedsheet while hanging]'' ♪ Don't just stand and scream ♪ ''[bumps into the camera]''
:'''Morticians''': ♪ Call the number on your screen ♪
:'''Lucy''': And now, we wait for customers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rodney''': It's destroying my clothing and spilling my most expensive cologne: Night Sweat! You have to help me!
:'''Lucy''': Ghost, reveal yourself. ''[A ghost dude, wearing a tuxedo T-shirt reveals himself]'' Spirit, what is your unfinished business here?
:'''Dude Ghost''': I was supposed to be buried in a real tux, but this joker put me in a tuxedo T-shirt! I want a refund!
:'''Rodney''': No refunds! Besides, your order form just said tuxedo, so I went with our casual package.
:'''Dude Ghost''': I can't cross over in this! I'll be laughed out of the afterlife!
:'''Rodney''': Hmph!
:'''Haiku''': What about an exchange?
:''[Later, Rodney has dressed the ghost dude in a genuine tuxedo]''
:'''Dude Ghost''': Now this is what I'm talking about.
:'''Rodney''': And here's your complementary bottle of Night Sweat!
:'''Dude Ghost''': ''[flinches in disgust]'' Yeah, I'm good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Liam''': ''[as donkey Dolly's ghostly spirit reveals herself; gasps]'' It's Mee-Maw's prized donkey, Dolly.
:'''Persephone''': Do you know why Dolly is haunting you?
:'''Liam''': I do. I once broke our fence mud-wrestling with Virginia. And then, blamed it on Dolly. ''[Dolly brays angrily]'' I know. Ain't a moment I'm too proud of. Dolly, I'm gonna make this right. ''[walks into his house; off-screen]'' Brace yourself, Mee-Maw. You're about to be madder than a wet peacock.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Cheryl and Meryl's apartment; The TV is changing the channel back and forth from &quot;Southern Hospitality&quot; to &quot;Hipster Island&quot;]''
:'''Cheryl''': Somethin' keeps changing our channel. And we're missing the season finale of &quot;Southern Hospitality!&quot;
:'''Lucy''': This is ''definitely'' the work of a ghost. Spirit, show yourself.
:''[The ghostly spirit of a hipster appears, sitting next to the twins as they gasp]''
:'''Hipster Ghost''': This used to be my pad, brahs. And I need to find out who rid &quot;Hipster Island.&quot;
:'''Cheryl''': I use bra pads, too. But we gotta see if Sue Ellen chooses Brad or his evil twin, Chad.
:'''Lucy''': You could ''always'' record &quot;Southern Hospitality&quot;, and watch it later.
:'''Cheryl''': Well, we'll have to delete some of our crime shows, but, it's a deal. Make yourself comfy, I'll be right back with three bowls of ice cream.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lucy''': Nice doing business with you. Let's get you back to the portal and--
:'''Buzz''': Change of plans: Turns out, haunting people is the bee's knees.
:'''Persephone''': But what about the afterlife?
:'''Buzz''': Overrating. Later! ''[flies away]''
:'''Persephone''': Buzz is going to terrorize all of Royal Woods if we don't stop him.
:'''Haiku''': But Casket Con's only open for another hour. We're going to miss the unveiling of the Model C.
:'''Lucy''': Sigh. We created this mess, so we need to clean it up.

==''Save Royal Woods! (Episode 4)''==
:'''Lincoln''': ''[speaks to the crowd in the microphone, through Todd's megaphones]'' Hey, everyone. If I could have your attention. ''[the crowd catches their attention]'' Maybe Royal Woods ''is'' forgettable, but it doesn't have to stay that way. We could have something like those other towns, something to put us on the map.
:'''Clyde''': Then Joyce wouldn't flood our town. Lincoln, that's brilliant! But what could we create that would make Royal Woods seem memorable?
:'''Lincoln''': I bet if we put our heads together, we can come up with something amazing. So who's ready to save our town?
:''[The crowd cheers in agreement; Next day, Mayor Davis gives Lincoln a button reading '''&quot;Honorary Jr. Mayor&quot;''']''
:'''Lincoln''': Whoa. &quot;Honorary Jr. Mayor?&quot; Thanks, Mayor Davis.
:'''Mayor Davis''': It's the least I can do since you're helping to save the town.
:'''Lincoln''': So do I get to play your keyboard?
:'''Mayor Davis''': ''[plays buzzing sound on her keyboard, sternly]'' Don't push it, kid. ''[cheerfully]'' OK, time to hear ideas to save Royal Woods.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Undersecretary Crandall, thanks for coming.
:'''Joyce''': I hope this is good. I had to leave a meeting to pick the fish to stock Lake Gladys with. Spoiler alert: We are definitely leaning toward carp.
:'''Mayor Davis''': Actually, we think you might just change your mind about flooding your town.
:'''Joyce''': I'm sorry, but like I told you before, there is nothing that can cha-- ''[notices the giant Flippee; shocked]'' That's-that's…
:'''Albert''': The world's largest Flippee! HA! What do you think about them apples, huh? To be clear, it's not apple. It's actually sparkle berry cherry.
:'''Joyce''': Well, it is as big as the frying pan and less dangerous than the piranhas. Ugh, I guess there's no way we can put a lake here now. The flooding is off.
:''[All the citizens cheers when the giant Flippee suddenly starts shaking]''
:'''Citizens''': What's happening?!
:'''Lincoln''': Flip, what's going on?!
:'''Flip''': ''[sheepishly nervous]'' Uh, hey, Flippee syrup ain't cheap. I figured no one would drink it.
:'''Lola''': ''[seizes Flip by the collar, angrily]'' What did you do, old man?!
:'''Flip''': I may have swapped the syrup with some expired gasoline that wasn't selling. Is that really so bad?
:'''Lisa''': Short answer, yes. The gasoline is adversely reacting with my hyper-freeze additive, causing an accelerated release of energy, resulting in expanded volume.
:'''Todd''': '''In layman's terms, it's gonna blow.'''
:''[The giant Flippee explodes and covers everyone]''
:'''Joyce''': ''[fuming with rage]'' I will be back tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. with the demolition team! Royal Woods is history. ''[the giant Flippee tips over off the gas station, and destroys her car]'' YOU CRUSHED MY CAR! ''[screams as she notices something else]'' Donna! ''[angrily to the citizens]'' Make that 9:00 a.m.! ''GOODBYE, ROYAL WOODS!'' ''[storms off with fury]''
:''[End of Act 1; Beginning Act 2]''
:'''Flip''': ''[breaks down, sobbing]'' I'm sorry, everyone. The world's largest Flippee flopped! ''[Nacho chitters accusatively at him]'' Of course I regret using expired gas, Nacho! How can you ask me that?!
:'''Lincoln''': Wait! Everyone! I have a new idea that might save our town! Where's Todd?
:'''Todd''': '''I believe you, Lincoln.''' ''[starts chanting]'' '''Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln, Linc-''' ''[realizes everyone staring in confusion]'' '''Oh. We're not doing that?''' ''[deploys his PA system]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[through microphone]'' Undersecretary Crandall said Royal Woods is history.
:'''Flip''': Why would you remind us of that?!
:'''Lincoln''': What if Royal Woods did have some kind of important history? Then she couldn't flood us.
:'''Lisa''': Elder brother, might I remind you that Royal Woods has no interesting history? We were named after an oak tree. ''[points to an old oak tree commemorated with a plaque as a branch falls off]'' That one.
:'''Lincoln''': I know, but Undersecretary Crandall doesn't. Royal Woods has the word &quot;royal&quot; in it. Maybe there's something there. I know we'd be making up a big lie, but it's the only way to save our town.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joyce''': ''[notices something off]'' Huh? What's this?
:'''Lincoln''': No, actually, we need that back. It's on loan from the, uh, Royal Woods Museum.
:'''Joyce''': Not so fast, kid. Hmm… ''[reading on the crown]'' '''&quot;Lola Loud, Little Miss Crowning Achievement?&quot;''' ''[gasps]'' You all made this whole thing up! King George never came through here!
:'''Lola''': ''[chuckles sheepishly as she takes her crown back]'' I'll take that.
:'''Joyce''': ''[groans angrily; on walkie-talkie]'' Bring that wrecking ball! We've got a sixth Great Lake to make.
:'''Luan''': I guess it's time to say goodbye to Royal Woods.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joyce''': ''[hopping out of the roller]'' That was a beautiful song, but I'm still going to bust this dam and flood you.
:'''Lincoln''': What?!
:'''Demolition Worker #1''': Well, we're not! That kid with the white hair is right! This town ''is'' special, and so is my town!
:'''Demolition Worker #2''': And so is mine. No town deserves to be flooded by you. Get your promotion some other way, Crandall. We don't want a sixth lake.
:'''Joyce''': ''[groans in annoyance]'' You bunch of babies! Ugh! ''[heads back into the roller]'' Come on, Donna, we'll do it ourselves.
:'''Lola''': I don't know. Might not be the best look to flood a precious small town on live television.
:'''Katherine''': This is Katherine Mulligan, covering the destruction of my town in HD-
:'''Joyce''': ''[yanks Katherine away from the camera; chuckles nervously]'' I mean, I would never flood this beautiful town. ''[waves]'' Hi, Mom, happy birthday!
:'''Todd''': ''[offering her a phone]'' '''Call for you.'''
:'''Oversecretary''': ''[on phone]'' ''Joyce, this is the Oversecretary. I saw everything. Bulldozing a perfectly good town on live TV? '''YOU'RE FIRED!'''
:''[Joyce screams in despair after being fired from her job]''
:'''Todd''': ''[pats Joyce on the back, comforting her]'' '''There, there.'''
:'''Joyce''': Don't touch me.
:'''Lincoln''': We did it! Royal Woods is saved!
:''[Everyone cheers]''
:'''Lynn''': You did it, Stinkin'!
:'''Leni''': OMGosh, Lincoln, you're a hero.
:'''Mr. Grouse''': Yeah, thanks, Loud. Way to go.
:'''Lincoln''': I'm just glad we can all stay. 'Cause…
:'''Citizens''': ''[singing again]'' ♪ We're right, we're right, we're right where we belong (Ba-ba-da-) ♪
:'''Joyce''': ''[angrily interrupting]'' PUT A CORK IN IT! ''[groans]'' WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR IMPROMPTU SINGING?! ''[growling as she leaves]''
:'''Citizens''': ''[finishing up]'' ♪ We're right where we belong! ♪

==''Episode 5''==

===''The Taunting Hour (5.1)''===
:''[Evening at the Loud House; The criticized Louds burst through the front door, and begin berating Lincoln]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Oh, he is in for it!
:'''Lola''': There he is!
:''[Lincoln screams as the couch tips over and himself]''
:'''Luna''': Why did you have to tell us about our haters, dude?!
:'''Lisa''': Now we're ''all'' freezing up!
:'''Lincoln''': Look, I'm sorry I told you guys about your critics. I was just only trying to help Lynn.
:'''Lynn''': ''[irately punches a hole in the door]'' STINKOLN!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[nervously]'' I hope that's a happy &quot;Stinkoln&quot;.
:'''Lynn''': Your dumb &quot;cure&quot; ''DIDN'T'' cure me! Scoots heckled me some more and now I've got emu legs again! Wasn't even at a game. It was at the mall food court!
:'''Lincoln''': Lynn, why are you paying attention to Scoots? Why are ''any'' of you paying attention to those people? It doesn't matter what they say.
:'''Mr. Coconuts''': It's easy for you to say! You don't have to deal with it!
:'''Lola''': You just go around ruining lives!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lynn''': Dude, that Chandler's a real jerk.
:'''Lincoln''': Yeah, he is. ''[jumps off the sofa]'' But he doesn't bother me, and that's the whole point. I mean, at first he really got to me, but the more I ignored him, the easier it got. Plus, why should I care what he has to say? I'm doing what I love, and that's all that matters.
:'''Rita''': And if you can handle Chandler, I think we can handle our critics. Right, everyone?
:'''Luna''': Totally.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Yeah, I guess so.
:'''Mr. Grouse''': Hey, Loud!
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[puts his fingers in his ears]'' Ah, I can't hear you, Grouse!
:'''Mr. Grouse''': I was just going to tell you-
:'''Lynn Sr.''': I'm blocking out the haters! ''[starts singing]'' ♪ La la la la- ♪
:'''Mr. Grouse''': You forgot to put on the parking brake again.
:''[Lynn Sr.'s eyes widen in horror; Outside, Vanzilla starts rolling backwards]''
:'''Kids''': Dad, Vanzilla!
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[chases after his van and screams]'' BABY, PLEASE COME BACK! I'M SO SORRY!!!

===''Musical Chairs (5.2)''===
:''[Lincoln feels dejected after getting to change to another seat in Mr. Bolhofner's class at lunchtime]''
:'''Clyde''': What's wrong, Lincoln? You've barely touched the cheesecake bites I made you. Is the cheese-to-cake ratio not to your liking?
:'''Lincoln''': No, Clyde. The ratio is perfect, per usual. It's just, I don't know what to do. Bolhofner won't change my seat.
:'''Rusty''': Three words, bro: &quot;Butter him up.&quot;
:'''Liam''': Oh, he ain't wrong. ''[grabs a stick of butter]'' One time Virginia, she got her head stuck in a fence and we used a whole mess of margarine to get her out. The key is to rub it around the jowls like so. ''[rubs the butter on his cheeks]''
:'''Clyde''': ''[disgusted]'' Ugh.
:'''Rusty''': I meant he's gotta charm the man.
:'''Liam''': ''[chuckles]'' I knew that. Just testing y'all. ''[eats the butter]''
:'''Rusty''': A while back, I wanted to go skydiving with my cousin, Derek, but my dad wouldn't let me, so I spent the whole week doing nice things for him. And bam, check it! ''[plays a video of him skydiving with his cousin while screaming]''
:'''Lincoln''': Hmm. Maybe I should try buttering up the Hof.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The next day at Mr. Bolhofner's trailer; Mr. Bolhofner is grading papers]''
:'''Mr. Bolhofner''': Nope.
:'''Lincoln''': ''[enters]'' So, Mr. B, how was the band practice? That I set up, which I was glad to do, by the way?
:'''Mr. Bolhofner''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah, right. Ugh.
:'''Lincoln''': ''[sighs]'' I guess I'll take my seat, then.
:''[Chandler has set up a bucket of hot sauce above Lincoln's seat, laughing evilly]''
:'''Mr. Bolhofner''': That's not your seat, Loud! You sit ''there'' now.
:''[He points to Lincoln's new seat, which has a bright light upon it]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[smugly]'' Bye-bye, Chandler. ''[leaves to his new seat]''
:''[Chandler growls as he dumps the hot sauce on the seat, destroying it in the process]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[relaxes in his new seat, and is elated to find it can recline at the push of a button]'' Whoa.
:'''Student''': Chocolate? ''[offers a box of chocolates]'' I always have extras.
:'''Lincoln''': Wow, thank you! ''[takes them]''
:'''Student''': Oh, and if you ever get tense, I keep a massager under my desk! Feel free to use it!
:'''Lincoln''': Really? I wouldn't want to impose- ''[the student puts the massager on his neck]'' Oh, yeah. ''[the bell rings; the student reaches for the massager]'' Leave it.

==''Episode 6''==

===''A Bug's Strife (6.1)''===
:''[The Louds are walking out of the house and into Vanzilla]''
:'''Rita''': Oh! Double check, make sure I have my key. Mm. ''[her husband comes out, looking quite sick]'' Honey, you shouldn't be out here. Go back inside and get to bed.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': I just wanted to see you guys off. I'll miss you while you're at Aunt Ruth's today. It's a ding-dang shame I'm going to miss the slideshow of her bus tour of &quot;the Malls of the Midwest.&quot; ''[sneezes]''
:'''Rita''': Aw. Gesundheit. It's okay. Aunt Ruth will totally understand.
:'''Lola''': ''[walking out of the house; annoyed]'' It's not fair. Why does Daddy get to stay home? ''[Lynn Sr. sneezes again; disgusted]'' Ugh, question answered.
:'''Rita''': Get lots of rest. We'll see you tonight. ''[walks into Vanzilla and starts backing up]''
:'''Leni''': Bye, Dad!
:'''Lynn''': Feel better, Pops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Aunt Ruth's house; In the living room, she is showing the Louds her Malls of the Midwest slideshow; Leni is the only one interested in watching]''
:'''Aunt Ruth''': And here's a bathroom stall from a mall in Indianapolis. This one had auto-flushing like the ones at a fancy steakhouse.
:'''Lynn''': ''[bored out of her mind]'' Dad's so lucky to be home sleeping. Ugh.
:'''Aunt Ruth''': Shh! Lynn, you're gonna miss the massage chairs at the mall at Walnut Grove!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lynn Sr. rushes over to Mr. Grouse's house and knocks on the door]''
:'''Mr. Grouse''': No one's home! Go away!
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Mr. Grouse, I need your help!
:'''Mr. Grouse''': ''[opens the door]'' Oh, lookie, it's a Loud. Shocker. What do you want, and how fast can I get rid of you?
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Remember the spare key I gave you for emergencies? Well, this is an emergency.
:'''Mr. Grouse''': Oh, yeah, sure. I keep it in a bowl right here. ''[shows a bowl that's filled with countless keys]'' Yeah, this might take a minute.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rita''': Oh, honey, you must've been so delirious you trashed the house! I had no idea you were ''this'' sick. You need to get to bed immediately. ''[the porch suddenly collapses, sending both her and her husband to the ground]'' But not here. Kids, come on. We have to go.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Ah! Move to Canada. Smart. Chirpy won't find us there. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Rita''': No. We'll stay with Aunt Ruth until the house is repaired. She'll be happy to help nurse you back to health. I should warn you, though, she'll ''want'' to show you her Malls of the Midwest slideshow.

===''All the Rage (6.2)''===
:'''Zach''': You mad 'cause your favorite contestant cheated?
:'''Clyde''': Zamir didn't cheat! He would ''never'' cheat!
:'''Lincoln''': Maybe you can root for a different contestant. What about Maneet?
:'''Clyde''': Maneet's cream puffs… ''[his eyes glow red, muscles bulge, and clenches his fist in fury]'' '''''ARE DRY!''''' ''[begins throwing dodgeballs in rage]''
:'''Stella''': Guys, I think we just won.

==''Episode 7''==

===''Scoop Snoop (7.1)''===
:''[Royal Woods Middle School; Liam is recording the footage of Stella reporting of an owner with their pet]''
:'''Stella''': This is Stella Zhau reporting. ''[suspiciously]'' Someone's been letting their pet go potty here on the school field and not cleaning it up. Well, the Action News Team are here to reveal the &quot;poop-etrator.&quot; ''[gasps and looks ahead to see a &quot;dog&quot; with their owner both wearing identical disguises]'' Here they come now! Kangaroos, time to bust some scum!
:''[As Liam and Stella run over to the owner and their &quot;dog&quot;, they are outsped by Katherine Mulligan and her cameraman]''
:'''Liam''': What?!
:'''Katherine''': This is a Katherine Mulligan news exclusive. I'm unmasking the serial pet pooper. ''[takes the hat off the owner, revealing to be Vic]'' The owner is Vic. And the pet pooper is Gilly!
:'''Liam''': ''[confused]'' Jumpin' jackalopes. How in the world did she steal ''our'' story?
:''[Sunset Canyon Retirement Home; Zach is recording the footage of Rusty with an &quot;old lady&quot; at a table writing on a piece of paper in the background behind him]''
:'''Rusty''': The Action News Team has received a tip that somebody famous is hiding out here disguised as an old lady. Prepare to have your minds blown.
:'''Katherine''': ''[pops out from under the table]'' I'm Katherine Mulligan exposing this &quot;little old lady&quot; as… ''[pulls the wig/mask off, revealing…]'' Mick Swagger in disguise. He's holed up here as he writes songs for his new album, &quot;Mick or Treat.&quot;
:'''Zach''': ''[annoyed in anger]'' Hey, that was ''our'' scoop!
:'''Scoots''': ''[wheeling over and points to him]'' Nobody punks ''us,'' Brit boy! PUDDING HIM!
:''[The Action News Team are peddling their bikes to Gus' Games and Grub]''
:'''Lincoln''': This is the story of the century. 
:'''Stella''': It's cool of Gus to tip us off he's discontinuing spaghetti pizza.
:'''Clyde''': ''[sobbing]'' It's a dark day for the culinary world. ''[he and Lincoln bump into the back of Katherine's '''NEWS 3''' van and fall off]''
:'''Action News Team''': ''[gasp]'' Oh, no!
:'''Katherine''': This is the ''last'' bite of the last slice of the last spaghetti pizza Gus will ''ever'' serve. ''[eats the last bite-sized piece]'' I'm Katherine Mulligan reporting that you'll never know just how delicious that was.
:'''Stella''': ''[annoyed]'' I don't get it! How does Katherine Mulligan keep scooping us?!
:'''Rusty''': Someone has to be leaking to her. My cousin Derek's studying to be a plumber. He says; &quot;You have to find a leak and plug it, or it gets worse.&quot;
:'''Lincoln''': Rusty's right. If we don't do something, this could be the end of The Action News Team.
:'''Clyde''': Wait. Can we a moment of silence for… ''[sniffles sadly]'' spaghetti pizza?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Clyde''': We're never gonna find the leak at this rate. There are too many people at school to investigate.
:'''Rusty''': ''[eating a bowl of grapes]'' We shouldn't be following the rat, we should wait at the nest.
:'''Liam''': Then what in the manure pile does that even mean?
:'''Rusty''': Katherine ''is'' the nest, dawgs! If we follow her, the &quot;leaker&quot;, or &quot;rat&quot;, is gonna come to her.
:'''Lincoln''': Then we'll have our culprit! Rusty, that's a brilliant idea! Looks like it's time for an Action News Team undercover investigation!
:''[The Action News Team poses; Next morning, Lincoln, Clyde, and Stella are outside in front of Katherine's house, suspiciously watching her from the bushes as she eats a Danish that popped out from the toaster]''
:'''Lincoln''': 8:02. Katherine takes a bite of Danish.
:'''Stella''': Roger that.
:'''Rusty''': ''[popping out]'' 'Sup, dudes?
:'''Stella''': Rusty, you're late! ''[sniffs with disgust]'' Ugh, what's that awful smell?
:'''Rusty''': I was helping my dad pick a cologne to wow his gal pal. He lands it on Undersea Daydream.
:''[Lincoln, Clyde and Stella gag over the scent and gasp as Katherine exits her house and hide behind the bushes; Katherine gets into her car and drives off - humming a tune]''
:'''Lincoln''': Suspect's on the move. Let's go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Katherine and her cameraman are eating lunch at the Burpin' Burger; Liam and Rusty hide in the trash can as Liam pops his hand out out of the lid with his phone, recording the footage]''
:'''Liam''': Rusty, ya got your knee square in my gizzard.
:'''Rusty''': Then stop moving around, dawg!
:'''Liam''': Shh.
:'''Rusty''': ''[as Katherine and her cameraman empty their trays into the trash can]'' Augh! Horseradish in the eye! Ugh.
:'''Katherine''': Katherine Mulligan wants to know, did this garbage can just talk? ''[shrugs and walks off out of sight as soon as Rusty and Liam tip over, exhausted]''
:''[Royal Woods Bowling Alley; Katherine and Patchy Drizzle are bowling against each other as Patchy knocks down the 10 pins]''
:'''Patchy''': Yahoo! Today's forecast: a 100% chance of winning for Patchy Drizzle!
:'''Katherine''': I'm getting some developing news. It ain't over till the last frame. ''[interrupted by Lincoln and Clyde, disguised as their grandmothers as she's about to bowl]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[imitating Myrtle]'' Don't mind us, sweetie. We're just a couple of senior ladies bowling.
:''[Zach, in his bush disguise, takes out his phone to record the footage, but wobbles and collides with them, rolling them across the alley and knocking down the 10 pins]''
:'''Katherine''': Katherine Mulligan wants to know, did that bush just bowl a strike?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Okay, so Stella made a notebook of some &quot;hot news leads&quot;, but they're all fake. We &quot;accidentally&quot; dropped it here by Principal Ramirez's car. As the &quot;rat,&quot; she &quot;finds it&quot; and takes it to &quot;the nest.&quot; Any questions? 
:'''Clyde''': Can you go over that one more time? I got lost in all the air quotes. 
:'''Lincoln''': I'll explain as we hide.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A week later, back at Tall Timbers Park, Principal Ramirez meets up with Katherine again]''
:'''Katherine''': Oh. Principal Ramirez. Glad you could make it.
:''[The Action News Team peep from a bush]''
:'''Lincoln''': Gotcha. Principal Ramirez! ''[running towards the two women along with the rest of his team]'' Action News Team!
:'''Katherine''': Excuse me.
:'''Lincoln''': Principal Ramirez, how much has Katherine Mulligan been paying you to steal our news stories?
:'''Principal Ramirez''': I don't know what you're talking about.
:'''Clyde''': ''[holds up his mic in front of her, making her trip into the lake]'' ''We're'' asking the questions here!
:'''Rusty''': The jig is up, Katherine &quot;Shady Shader&quot; Mulligan! The book Principal Ramirez was going to give you is a bunch of phony news leads ''we'' planted. Bam! ''[looks closely at the title on the book cover]'' &quot;Passion under the Pompeii Moon?&quot; Uh-oh.
:'''Principal Ramirez''': ''[angrily snatches the book from Rusty]'' You bet you're &quot;uh-oh.&quot; Ms. Mulligan and I are in a book club together. Now someone get me out of here.
:'''Katherine''': That's the story. We've been meeting to swap novels we're reading.
:'''Stella''': So you weren't leaking our stories?
:'''Principal Ramirez''': ''[brushing the lake water off her skirt]'' Of course not! Is this what you spend your time on, making false accusations?! I have half a mind to shut down the Action News Team.
:'''Stella''': Please, don't.
:'''Rusty''': No, dawg!
:'''Lincoln''': We're sorry.
:'''Liam''': Give us another chance.
:'''Katherine''': I'm Katherine Mulligan and…I agree with these children. Sure they got the story wrong, but they got real drive. It reminds me of me when I was thriving out. I say they deserve a second chance.
:'''Principal Ramirez''': ''[over her mind; annoyed]'' Fine. ''[gets out of the lake as the Action News Team high five in celebration]'' But no more wild goose chases, or knocking principals in lakes.
:'''Zach''': Promise.
:'''Lincoln''': We swear.
:'''Rusty''': It was Zach.

===''Eye Can't (7.2)''===
:'''Lisa''': ''[entering the kitchen]'' Good morn… ''[bumps into Charles]'' When did we put the trash can here?
:'''Rita''': Honey, that's Charles.
:'''Lisa''': Ah, yes, of course. Hmm. Ah! ''Here's'' the orange juice I was looking for. ''[mistakes the flower vase and takes it off the table]''
:'''Rita''': Have you noticed Lisa's been acting a little off this week?
:''[Flashback to Lisa bumping into the end table, and the stair railing]''
:'''Lisa''': Pardon me, father. ''[flash to her petting a skunk, mistaking it for Cliff]'' Good boy, Cliff. Good boy.
:'''Leni''': ''[frightened]'' Uh, Lisa? That's ''not'' Cliff.
:''[Flashback ends as the skunk sprays on the siblings, screaming off-screen]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Yeah. She needs new glasses.
:'''Lisa''': ''[returns to the kitchen]'' Ah, silly me, I mistook a vase of flowers for orange juice. Ah! ''Here's'' the actual orange juice.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': That's hot coffee! Sweetie, look, Mom and I think it's time for you to go to the eye doctor. 
:'''Lisa''': What? Poppycock! Now if you'll excuse me, I shall be in the living room.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Todd''': ''[removing the cactus thorns]'' '''What is the problem? It's just the eye doctor.'''
:'''Lisa''': The problem, Todd, is that I have an irrational phobia of the ophthalmologist.
:'''Todd''': '''But that does not compute. You are a genius.'''
:'''Lisa''': I said it was irrational, Todd. And I've tried to train myself to move-past it, but, I can't!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lisa''': ''[falls down the stairs and lands flat on her face in front of her parents]'' Problem solved, parents. I've forged myself a new pair of glasses, and all is well. ''[opens her eyes - still abnormal through her glasses]'' 
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Counterpoint, you ''did'' kinda just fall down the stairs.
:'''Lisa''': Eh. You say tomato, I say mildly near-sighted.
:'''Rita''': And I say tomorrow morning ''you'' are going to the eye doctor, and, maybe the pediatrician too to see if you have any damage from that fall.
:'''Lisa''': Fine.

==''Episode 8''==

===''Dine and Bash (8.1)''===
:''[Vanzilla pulls up at Lynn's table and the siblings get out and walk in]''
:'''Todd''': '''Have a good afternoon, sweeties. Don't forget to do your homework. I'll be checking.''' ''[drives away]''
:'''Lisa''': Note to self: Dial back Todd's maternal mode.
:''[As the Loud siblings enter, they're overwhelmed to see the place crowded in a rush]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Oh, good, you're here! Before you jump into homework, I need your help with the afternoon rush.
:'''Lincoln''': No problem. Guys, fan out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Oh, you kids are a big help, especially with Mom off visiting Lori for Mother-Daughter Golf Day. ''[the phone rings and answers it]'' Lynn's Table. Come in if you're able. You've got Lynn.
:'''Kotaro''': Lynn, I have some exciting news. The Doo-Dads just booked a big gig tonight at Sunset Canyon!
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[gasps in excitement]'' No we &quot;Dadn't!&quot;
:'''Kotaro''': Yes we &quot;Dad!&quot; It's Bernie's third wedding! He's marrying his lady friend from Boca.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[realizes in disappointment]'' Ohh! Ding, dang, darnit! I have to work the dinner shift. I gave Grant the night off to play &quot;Orcs, Horks, Wizards, and Pork&quot; with his friends.
:'''Grant''': ''[enters the kitchen wearing a wizard costume]'' Many thanks, Spirit Wizard Loud! May your harvest be fruitful this moon! ''[leaves]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': You guys should just do the gig without this Doo-Dad.
:'''Kotaro''': But a band with just one cowbell is no band at all.
:'''Lincoln''': Hey, Dad, what if ''we'' took over the restaurant tonight?
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[touched]'' Aw, that's sweet of you guys, but a night alone's a big responsibility.
:'''Lola''': ''[chuckles]'' We know this place like the back of our flawless hands. Ew! Time for a mani.

===''Sofa, So Good (8.2)''===
:'''Lynn Sr.''': Oh, kids! We have a surprise!
:''[The siblings rush into the living room]''
:'''Lola''': You were saying about a surprise for me?
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[facing the opposite direction]'' Your mother and I have been talking… ''[Rita turns him back the right way]'' Oh, hey everybody. And since it's been seven days since we had any house or life-threatening disasters…
:'''Rita''': We thought you all deserve a big surprise.
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[leaves]'' Just keep that streak going a little bit longer.
:'''Rita''': And we'll be back with the surprise by 4:00! ''[leaves and closes the door]''
:'''Lincoln''': I bet it's an indoor pool.
:'''Lucy''': I bet it's a family burial plot.
:'''Lana''': I bet it's a Clydesdale.
:'''Lynn''': I bet it's tickets to Jelly Wrestlefest 1 15!
:'''Lincoln''': No. No. ''[Lynn does a wrestling jump and landed on him as he groans]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[clears throat]'' You can call me the proverbial wet blanket, stick in the mud, resident sourpuss but, based on statistical averages, there's a 98.3% probability that we're going to mess up before the day is out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': ''[looks up to Luan, stuck whilst sitting on the ceiling]'' Uh, Luan, what's going on up there?
:'''Luan''': Looks like we've got a ''&quot;sit-uation.&quot;''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': We did it! All we gotta do now is bring the furniture back in. ''[outside, they notice the furniture is missing]'' Uh, guys, where's the furniture?

==''Episode 9''==

===''The Last Laugh (9.1)''===

===''Driver's Dread (9.2)''===
:'''Leni''': OMGosh, Lori, I'm so excited to see you this weekend!
:'''Lori''': Samesies! It'll be like old times. Spending the whole day shopping at the Outlet Mall. Did you know everything is 50% off?
:'''Leni''': So if we go twice, it'll be 100% off!
:'''Lori''': ''[confused]'' Huh?
:'''Leni''': BTDubs, Tanya's coming along. She's desperate for a new look. ''[to Tanya]'' Don't stress out, Tanya. I'll find someone to drive us there.
:'''Lori''': You know, Leni, maybe it's time you tried to get your license again.
:'''Leni''': I thought about it, then it scared me, so I stopped thinking about it. Remember the last time? ''[flashback to the events of '''&quot;Driving Miss Hazy&quot;''' where she crashed Vanzilla into a pool]'' Is this the carpool lane? ''[back to present]'' There is no way I'm going through that again. The only thing that scares me more than driving is shoulder pads and perms. ''[shudders]'' But don't worry! I'll find a way to get there.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Rita is in the kitchen writing an article while getting highly caffeinated]''
:'''Rita''': Latte, expresso, macchiato, Fortado… Oh! Those rhyme!
:'''Leni''': Mom? Could you drive me to the mall this weekend? Dad can't-
:'''Rita''': I'm sorry, sweetie, I can't. I have to finish a big article about coffee, coffee, coffee. And now I gotta pee, pee, pee! ''[runs for the bathroom while holding her bladder]''
:'''Leni''': You can't! Lola's taking one of her four-hour baths, and she's only on hour two.
:'''Rita''': ''[bolts out the back door]'' MR. GROUSE, I NEED YOUR BATHROOM! ''[peeks out]'' Maybe you can take the bus.

==''Episode 10''==

===''Bummer Camp (10.1)''===
:'''Leonard''': ''[calling in on the TV from Camp Mastodon]'' Hello? Is this thingy on? I just see me. ''[sees his grandkids as he backs up]'' Up, there you are! Ah, hi, my little minnows!
:'''Lincoln''': Hey, Gramps. What's up?
:'''Leonard''': Well, kiddos, I'm in a bind. I got a new batch of campers coming in a week, and my counselors just bailed on me during training! I'm as stuck as a boat at low tide! Why, without counselors, I'll have to close down Mastodon and return to life at sea.
:''[The kids gasp in shock]''
:'''Lincoln''': Wait, what?
:'''Leonard''': Ah, breaks my heart. I love this ding-dang camp. All the summers your dad and I spent here together… ''[sighs]'' So, if you know any counselors, just let me know. Gramps, over and out. How do you… where do I- WHOA! ''[drops the camera in the lake, where a fish swims over before the call disconnects]''
:'''Lynn''': Gramps leaving?! Major foul! I don't want him to go! ''[starts venting her rage by kicking the couch]''
:'''Luna''': None of us do, dudette. We just got him back!
:'''Lucy''': We have to find some counselors for Gramps. I'll see if any of my undertaker friends are looking to pick up extra cash.
:'''Lincoln''': Wait! We can be Gramps's counselors. Then the camp will stay open and he won't go. Who's with me? ''[the sisters cheer]'' Camp Mastodon, here we come! ''[notices they're still watching ''The Dream Boat'']'' Um, guys?
:'''Lola''': Yeah, we're gonna need five minutes. We have to see who Brynn picked!

===''Sleepstakes (10.2)''===
:''[Lana gets an invitation and hides it in her hat]''
:'''Rita''': Lana, what are you hiding? Is that another note from Principal Huggins about bathing more frequently?
:'''Lana''': No. He gave up on that. ''[takes the invitation out of her hat]'' It's an invitation to a sleepover my friend Kayla's having. But as all of you know, I'm really bad at sleepovers.

==''Episode 11''==

===''Cat-astrophe (11.1)''===
:'''Harold''': Go for Harold?
:'''Nana Gayle''': Harold, it's your mother.
:'''Harold''': Oh! Hi, Mom! Clyde, come say hi to Nana!
:'''Clyde''': Hi, Nana Gayle!
:'''Nana Gayle''': Hey there, baby. What time are you boys coming around for our annual birthday celebration? You didn't forget my big day, did you?
:'''Harold''': ''[shocked]'' Your big day?
:''[Howard gasps, takes out his phone, and scrolls to Nana Gayle's birthday on their daily schedule, realizing they forgot, and faints]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nana Gayle''': Wait, what is this? Fish cake, milk fountain, weird lady in a cat suit? Boys, what's going on?
:'''Harold''': ''[guilty]'' I'm sorry, Mom. We got so distracted planning Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti's graduation party that we…forgot your birthday.
:'''Howard''': We thought if we brought everything from the cat's party here, we could still give you a great birthday.
:'''Clyde''': We're sorry, Nana. ''[sighs sadly]'' We really messed up.
:'''Scoots''': Yeah, you did. Come on, Gayle. Let 'em have it!

===''Prize Fighter (11.2)''===

==''Time Trap! (Episode 12)''==
:'''Lynn''': Oh-ho-ho-ho, man. I would hate to be you right now, Lori!
:'''Lori''': Me? Lincoln was the one who told me to chip it!
:'''Lincoln''': Well, Charles was supposed to be protecting the vase!
:'''Lana''': You leave Charles out of this! ''[hops on the couch and hugs Charles]'' Who came up with this dumb game anyway?
:'''Lincoln''': Guys! We need to figure what we're going to do about this vase. Remember what happened the last few times it broke?
:''[Flashback to Lincoln, in his Ace Savvy outfit, rappelling from the ceiling to nab the last slice of pizza from Lynn]''
:'''Lynn''': Nice try, Stinkoln. ''[hits him with the pizza box, flinging him into the vase and shattering it]''
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[opens the door, frantically]'' What happened? ''[notices the shattered vase and gasps]'' That was a wedding gift! ''[angrily to them]'' You're all grounded for the night!
:''[Second flashback to Lynn, Lucy, and Luan in the twins' room]''
:'''Lynn''': ''[with her rear stuck inside the vase's neck]'' Told ya it would fit. ''[farts, letting the bottle fly away]''
:'''Rita''': ''[ducks as the vase flies out of the room and shatters; enraged]'' That was a wedding gift! You're all grounded for a week!
:''[Third flashback]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[bursting in through the front door with chemicals]'' Hot chemicals coming through! ''[rushes past the vase, which starts wobbling, but rests; relieved]'' Phew.
:'''Lana''': El Diablo, drop it!
:''[El Diablo slithers past Lisa knocking the chemical out of her hands and destroying the vase with an explosion]''
:'''Rita and Lynn Sr.''': ''[gasp]'' Our wedding gift!
:'''Rita''': ''[angrily]'' You guys are grounded for a month!
:''[Back to present]''
:'''Lincoln''': If Mom and Dad find out we broke the vase again, we'll definitely be grounded for the whole year.
:'''Luna''': Can't we just get rid of it?
:'''Lynn''': ''[imitates buzzer]'' They'd notice. In case you haven't heard, it was a wedding gift.
:'''Lucy''': That vase has been nothing but a pox on this house.
:'''Lola''': Ugh! I wish Mom and Dad never got this heinous thing in the first place!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Siblings, I figured out a way to save our collective gluteus maximi. A while back, I unlocked the secret of time travel. I swore to never use it again, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My plan is simple: I'll travel back to the day of Mom and Dad's wedding. There, I'll prevent our parental units from ever receiving the vase. In layman's terms, no vase, no grounding. Any questions?
:'''Lynn''': ''[raises her hand]'' Yeah… I've got one, brainbox. Won't removing the vase affect the fabric of the space-time continuum?
:'''Lisa''': Actually, that is a highly perceptive question.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lisa''': How in Galileo's micrometer did you get here?!
:'''Lincoln''': We snuck in the back seat when you weren't looking. You have terrible peripheral vision.
:'''Lana''': We wanna help you with the mission!
:'''Lola''': And I'm not one to miss a party.
:'''Lisa''': Fine… Since you're here, you can help me find the vase. But remember, it's crucial that we get it, swap it, and get out without being seen. Let's roll!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lynn''': Mom and Dad are gonna feel pretty bad when they hear we had to- ''[feels the couch]'' This feels different.
:'''Lola''': ''[gasps]'' That's 'cause it ''is'' different! Mom and Dad would never shell out for high-quality upholstery like this!
:'''Lucy''': The blood- I mean, ketchup stains on the walls are gone.
:'''Lana''': This carpet feels softer than normal. And where are all the mud stains?
:'''Lori''': ''[sniffs]'' And it doesn't smell like Cliff's farts, or Lynn's.
:'''Lynn''': ''[preparing to fart]'' Oh, I can fix that.
:'''Lola''': ''[screaming from upstairs]'' What happened to my room?! My trophies! My headshots! Mr. Sprinkles! '''MY HEADSHOTS!!!'''
:''[The siblings check to see the twins' bedroom, now into a gym room]''
:'''Lynn''': Why is your room full of gym equipment?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Welp, it seems my hypothesis was correct. We've altered the course of history. ''[gulps]'' I'm afraid…'''''we don't exist!'''''
:''[The other Loud siblings gasp; End of Act 1]''
:''[Beginning Act 2]''
:'''Lincoln''': What do you mean we don't exist?
:'''Lisa''': We altered the timeline and erased our own existence. In this timeline, Mom and Dad never had kids. Huh. The question is why… Perhaps there is someone who could help us fill in the blanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lana''': Found a crankshaft! Ooh, also found this junkyard burrito. Double score! ''[surfs on a car door and lands on other trash while Lynn nabs the crankshaft and Chunk gets the burrito]
:'''Alternative Chunk''': Brilliant. I just found me lunch. ''[eats the burrito]'' A bit o' bad news, though. I think your punk friend flew the coop. ''[points to the dropped guitar, which Luna has disappeared]''
:'''Lincoln''': Now Luna disappeared!
:'''Lucy''': So did Leni.
:'''Lisa''': Of course - they're disappearing in birth order.
:'''Lynn''': We gotta move fast if we want to save the rest of us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lincoln''': Without me, Chandler took my spot in the friend group.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Luan''': ''[sniffs]'' Ooh, smell that? Pet dander and farts!
:'''Luna''': Look! There are pics of us on the wall!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[checks the couch]'' Yes! The couch is sticky! What the…?!
:'''Lisa''': Yeah! The timeline has been repaired!
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[off-screen]'' Kids, we're home!
:''[Their parents enter with a pizza box]''
:'''Rita''': We picked up pizza for di- ''[she and Lynn Sr. gasp upon seeing the broken vase]'' You broke our vase again?! ''[The siblings all smile]'' And you're happy about it?
:'''Lynn Sr.''': ''[sternly]'' Ok, that is it! Everyone is grounded for two months!
:'''Lincoln''': ''[as he and his sisters hug them]'' We'll stay home with you as long as you'd like.

==''Episode 13''==

===''Crashed Course (13.1)''===

===''Puns and Buns (13.2)''===
:'''Andre''': Benjamin Stein, you may have just started working here, but I know greatness when I see it. I am promoting you to Assistant Manager of the Burpin' Burger. ''[puts a golden Burger necklace on around Benny's neck]''
:'''Benny''': Wow, the Golden Buns? Dreams do come true!
:'''Andre''': You've earned it. You're always on time, your uniform is always clean. And you're the first person ''ever'' to organize the pickles…by size.
:'''Benny''': Thank you, Andre. I'll teach you how to organize the pickles too, Otis. Once you've recovered from that accident with the burger sign.
:''[Flashback to Otis' accident while dressed in a burger costume as he spins the sign, flinging it upwards and falls on him]''
:'''Andre''': And we all want you to get better soon. ''[hits Otis in the injured arm, making him cringe in pain]'' Especially me, because I have to fill in for you.
:'''Benny''': No one wears the buns like you, boss.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Luan''': Well, I'd better take Mr. Coconuts home. We just used our savings on that hilarious soda bit. I miss spending time with you, Benny. Ever since Dairyland closed for the off season, I don't see you very much. ''[takes out her phone and shows Benny a photo of herself in her Heidi Heifer costume, unmasking herself in front of him, causing him to knock the popcorn cart over]'' Remember how I'd sneak up on you and scare you, and you'd knock over your popcorn cart? ''[laughs]'' I missed that.
:'''Benny''': ''[laughs]'' Classic us. I miss it, too.
:'''Luan''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. Benny, why don't I just work here with you? Problem solved!
:'''Benny''': I was just thinking that, too! But I don't know if Andre will go for it. He takes fast food very seriously.
:'''Andre''': ''[now in the burger costume as he puts ketchup on as war paint]'' Be the burger, be the burger. Sesame seed bun! ''[charges out the door]''
:'''Luan''': You can convince him. He'll listen to you.
:'''Benny''': You're right. I'm Assistant Manager now!
:''[Outside the restaurant]''
:'''Andre''': Absolutely not. Luan, work here? Are you kidding?
:'''Benny''': But sir, Otis is still injured and we could really use a little more help. Plus, she ''does'' have experience. Her family owns a restaurant. And she promised to leave Mr. Coconuts at home.
:'''Andre''': Fine, but Luan is your responsibility. She can be your first assignment as assistant manager.
:'''Benny''': Thanks, boss! You won't regret this!
:'''Andre''': I hope not.
:'''Benny''': ''[chuckles and heads back inside; clears throat, holding up a Burpin' Burger uniform in front of Luan]'' Welcome to the Burpin' Burger family, Luan! You start tomorrow!

==''Episode 14''==

===''Lights, Camera, Nuclear Reaction (14.1)''===
:'''Lincoln''': Todd, you were amazing! And the hologram effect Lisa installed was the coolest! ''[notices something]'' Todd? ''[passes through him, turning out he's a hologram; shocked]'' Ahh!
:'''Todd''': '''Ha ha ha ha. Got you, Lincoln. You should have seen the look on your face. Actually, I can show you. Playing memory from three seconds ago.''' ''[plays the memory and replays Lincoln's shock multiple times while zooming in on his face]'' '''Ha ha ha ha. Good times.'''

===''Food Courting (14.2)''===
:'''Miguel''': Leni, you ready for lunch?
:'''Leni''': Definitely. How 'bout Spaghetti on a Stick? I'm craving skewered noodles.
:'''Miguel''': Uh, sure, but, let's go to the Spaghetti on a Stick across town, or maybe one in a different town. I hear you get free marinara in Hazeltucky.
:'''Leni''': That's silly, it's right there. Come on.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gavin''': Welcome to Spaghetti on a Stick. How can I help you today?
:'''Miguel''': ''[sweating nervously]'' Uh, nice boats. Are those shoes fresh? Boy, that episode of ''The Dream Sauce,'' huh? ''[Gavin stares confusingly at him; rushes off and bumps into a man in lederhosen, spilling sauerkraut on his eyes]'' AHH! Sauerkraut in my eye!
:'''Leni''': Don't worry, we are not giving up. ''[sniffs]'' And sauerkraut is actually a good scent on you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gavin''': Hey, Miguel! Looking stylish as usual.
:'''Leni''': ''[through radio microphone]'' ''Thanks. What can you tell me about the rigatoni today?''
:'''Miguel''': Uh--uh, thanks. What can you tell me about the rigatoni today?
:'''Gavin''': Excellent question! The pasta is fresh from Sicily. Well, Sicily, Michigan, but still. So, can I put in an order from you?
:'''Scoots''': ''[interrupting]'' Quit daydreaming, blondie, and ring these up.
:'''Leni''': ''One moment, please.
:'''Miguel''': ''[in the exact same tone and posture]'' One moment, please.
:'''Gavin''': I get it, choosing the right pasta takes time.
:'''Miguel''': I'm gonna have to ask you to calm down and step back, please.
:'''Leni''': ''[being bothered at Scoots waving the pants in her face]'' I said, step back, please!
:'''Scoots''': And ''I'' said, I've waited long enough!
:'''Gavin''': Uh, Miguel? Is everything all right?
:'''Miguel''': ''[laughs nervously and runs off before slipping and falling into the fountain; Felix offers him a washcloth]'' Oh, thanks, Felix.
:'''Leni''': ''[while being chased by Scoots]'' SECURITY!
:'''Scoots''': ''[angrily chasing after her]'' Get back here, blondie!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leni''': Gavin, what a surprise.
:'''Gavin''': Oh. Hey, Leni. Hey, Miguel.
:'''Leni''': Miguel, look, it's Gavin!
:'''Miguel''': ''[awkwardly snapping out of it]'' Grey! Sorry. I started to say &quot;greetings&quot;, but then I switched it to &quot;hey.&quot; Ugh!

==''Episode 15''==

===''Save the Last Pants (15.1)''===

===''A Stella Performance (15.2)''===

==''Episode 16''==

===''A Major Hiccup (16.1)''===

===''The Loathe Boat (16.2)''===

==''Episode 17''==

===''Stroke of Luck (17.1)''===

===''My Cheer Lady (17.2)''===

==''Episode 18''==

===''Space Jammed (18.1)''===

===''Pageant Mom (18.2)''===

==''Episode 19''==

===''The Orchid Grief (19.1)''===

===''Forks and Knives Out (19.2)''===

==TBA==

===''A Dangerous Gift (.1)''===

===''The Paper Dilemma (.2)''===</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Book of Boba Fett</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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    <revision>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T20:28:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dronebogus</username>
        <id>3078761</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Undo revision 3145854 by [[Special:Contributions/Eaglestorm|Eaglestorm]] ([[User talk:Eaglestorm|talk]])</comment>
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      <text bytes="19209" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Book of Boba Fett|The Book of Boba Fett]]''''' (2021-) is a space western television series based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, about the adventures of veteran bounty hunter Boba Fett, now a crime lord in the desert planet of Tattooine.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land'' [1.1] ===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Jabba ruled with fear. I intend to rule with respect.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Master Garfalaquox has brought a gift for Boba Fett and is saying something in his language. Boba and Fennec are nodding as if they know what he's saying]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Did you catch any of that?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Something about friendship?
:'''Boba Fett''': We really need a protocol droid.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 presents visitors for Boba Fett but the next ones are two shackled Gamorreans]''
:'''8D8''': These two Gamorreans were once bodyguards to Jabba the Hutt, and later, Bib Fortuna. They did not surrender even after their patron was killed. They were captured alive as a tribute to you, Lord Fett. Their tortured squeals will send a piercing message to all potential challengers to your throne. ''[Gamorreans grunting]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I do not torture.
:'''8D8''': Well, respectfully, Lord Fett, on Tatooine you must project strength if you are to be accepted as a Daimyo.
:'''Fett''': You were loyal to both your bosses. ''[Gamorreans grunt]'' Would you be loyal to me if I were to spare you? ''[Gamorreans squeal and grunt in excitement; to Fennec]'' This is a bad idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and a Rodian have been recaptured by the Tusken Raiders]''
:'''Boba Fett''': We could have both escaped if you didn't sound the alarm. If you kept your snout closed, if we can get to Anchorhead, I can get us off world. I could also strangle you with this ankle chain and feed your leg to the watchdog. ''[Rodian mutters at him]'' Oh, that you understand, huh?

===''Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine'' [1.2]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': I am Boba Fett. I'm here to see the Mayor.
:'''Mok Shaiz' clerk''': &quot;Boba Fett.&quot; Um... Do you have an appointment?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mok Shaiz''': Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Garsa Fwip]'' Mayor Mok Shaiz sent me here as though there's something I should know. ...And now you're sweating like a gumpta on Mustafar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have just stolen a bunch of speeder bikes from a Nikto gang to prepare for ambushing a spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[shooing away Tuskens trying to dismantle the bikes]'' Whoa! These are mine! These are mine, stop! These are mine. I will teach you how to ride. I will teach you. This is how we will stop the train.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett and Fennec Shand force their way to meet Mos Espa Mayor Mok Shaiz]''
:'''Mok Shaiz''': ''[Via interpreter]'' Who is this who enters unannounced?
:'''Boba Fett''': You know damn well who.
:'''Majordomo''': It is the new Daimyo, Boba Fett, Your Excellence.
:'''Fett''': If you do not who know I am, then why did you send this man ''[points to captured assassin]'' to assassinate me?
:'''Majordomo''': I can assure you, the Mayor had nothing...
:'''Mok Shaiz''': He's a member of the Order of the Night Wind.
:'''Fett''': Ah! Then you admit it.
:'''Shaiz''': The Order of the Night Wind are not allowed to operate outside of Hutt Space. Thank you for turning him in. Give this man his reward.
:'''Fett''': I am not a bounty hunter.
:'''Shaiz''': Is that so? I've heard otherwise. I know that you sit on the throne of your former employer.
:'''Fett''': Bib Fortuna was not my employer.
:'''Shaiz''': It was Jabba the Hutt's throne.
:'''Fett''': Yes. And now it is mine. And I will take this payment as what you should have brought me as tribute. You should remember, you serve as long as the Daimyo of Tatooine deem it so.
:'''Shaiz''': ''[rattled]'' Before you threaten me, you should ask yourself, who really sent the Night Wind? I have no motive. As you said, I serve at your pleasure.
:'''Fett''': I am not a fool, Mok Shaiz. And those who thought otherwise no longer draw breath.
:'''Shaiz''': Here is the tribute I offer, some advice. Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.
:'''Fett''': Is that it?
:'''Shaiz''': Go to Garsa's Sanctuary. You'll see what I speak of.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have successfully taken down the Pykes' spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Who's the leader? ''[Pykes point at leader]''
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': Are you going to kill us?
:'''Fett''': That depends on how you answer what I'm about to ask. ''[Tusken Raider talks]'' Are you carrying spice?
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What do you mean by &quot;spice&quot;?
:'''Fett''': Sansanna spice from the slave mines of Kessel. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What does spice look like?
:'''Fett''': Like that. This is not looking good for you.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We thought you were uncivilized raiders. We were trying to protect our route.
:'''Fett''':  These sands are no longer free for you to pass. These people lay ancestral claim to the Dune Sea, and if you are to pass, a toll is to be paid to them. Any death dealt from the passing freighters will be returned ten-fold. Now, go back to your syndicate and present these terms. Your lives are a gesture of our civility. Now walk. Single file, in the direction of the high sun. It will lead you to Anchorhead by sunset if you leave now.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': But we'll be killed.
:'''Fett''': You now travel under the protection of the Tuskens. No harm will come of you. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We will die of thirst without our water car.
:'''Fett''': We will give you each a black melon. You will survive on its milk as these people do. Now go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': I have a gift for you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A gift? Why?
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': You are a good guide. Now this gift will guide you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A lizard? Thank you. I will let it guide me.
:''[the lizard jumps on him and goes up his nose]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm sorry, I think I swallowed it. It's a tricky little bugger.
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': It will guide you from inside your head.

===''Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa'' [1.3]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 briefs Boba Fett about the crime situation in Mos Espa]''
:'''8D8''': After the Sail Barge disaster, there was a power vacuum. Bib Fortuna assumed Jabba's mantle. Under Master Bib's watchful eye, Mos Espa was divided amongst three families. ''[outlines holomap]'' The Trandoshans took the city center. The Aqualish, the Worker's District here. And the Klatooinians, the starport and upper sprawl. Master Bib did not have the power of Jabba, so he relied on uneasy alliances to preserve his tribute and title.
:'''Boba Fett''': All of this while lining the pockets of Mayor Mok Shaiz. Where does that leave us now?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Everyone is waiting to see what kind of leader you are.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Release him. ''[to Krrsantan]'' No hard feelings, it's just business. Take it from an ex-bounty hunter: don't work for scugholes. It's not worth it.

===''Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm'' [1.4]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett has dinner with the crime lords of Tattooine, but they doubt his sincerity]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Why speak of conflict when cooperation can make us all rich?
:'''Aqualish gang leader's translator''': Master Garfalaquox asks what it is that you are proposing.
:'''Fett''': I am proposing that all the families of Mos Espa join in a defensive alliance until the Pyke Syndicate is vanquished.
:'''Klatooinian gang leader''': They have only challenged your territory. Why should we spill the blood of our ranks for a feud waged between you and the Pykes?
:'''Fett''': Yes. Then I will fight these battles alone. I will vanquish these interlopers who threaten our planet. I will make the streets safe again. So all in this room can prosper. All I ask in return is that you remain neutral if the Pyke Syndicate approaches you to betray me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Fennec]'' I want you to help me. Help me recover my Firespray gunship.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': You're a hunter''': 
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm tired of working for idiots who are gonna get me killed. The Tuskens took me in, made me part of their tribe. I was ready to leave hunting behind.
:'''Fennec Shand''': People like us don't get to decide when we're finished.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec presses a button to release a seismic charge]''
:'''Fennec Shand''': Fire in the hole.
:''[the Sarlacc swallows the charge, causing it to then explode]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Next time, don't touch my buttons.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': Living with the Tuskens has made you soft.
:'''Boba Fett''': No, it's made me strong. You can only get far without a tribe.

===''Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian'' [1.5]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': Where is your unlikely companion?
:'''Din Djarin''': I returned him to his own kind.
:'''Peli Motto''': Why the hell would you do that?! I could've made good money off that thing, open a petting zoo!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Jawas bring Din the part he asked for]''
:'''Din Djarin''': That was fast.
:'''Peli Motto''': These critters could find a skud in a krill pond. ''[about the part the Jawas gave Din]'' Will that do?
:'''Din Djarin''': Where did they get a cryogenic density combustion booster?
:'''Peli Motto''': Do you really want to know?
:'''Din Djarin''': Sure.
:''[Peli translates Din's question to the Jawas in Jawaese]''
:'''Peli Motto''': I got it. They said they crawled under a Pyke spice runner and crimped it off while they were refueling.
:'''Din Djarin''': Gusty little fellas.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': You hit this button, you're gonna evacuate your exhaust manifold, if you know what I mean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din pays Peli for his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Mind if I count it? Not that I don't trust you, I just wanna make sure you don't give me too much.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[starts up his new ship]'' Shouldn't we run a diagnostic first?
:'''Peli Motto''': Nah, I can hear her! She's purring! Send her up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din lands his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Whoo! Well? How was it?
:'''Din Djarin''': Wizard.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[to the Klatooinian boss]'' I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Mando has just defeated a Klatooinian abattoir boss and his goons at their office, but faces more workers outside]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Your boss is dead. I'm here to collect on his bounty. I have no trouble with any of you. There's a pile of New Republic credits in there that I have no right to. If you do me the honor of letting me pass, you all can help yourselves to whatever you think you deserve from your former employer. ''[one worker carefully sidesteps from him and heads to the office; the others follow and help themselves to the money as Mando leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Armorer''': What shall I forge?
:'''Din Djarin''': Something for a foundling.
:'''The Armorer''': This is the way.
:'''Din Djarin''': For a specific foundling...Grogu.
:'''The Armorer''': He is no longer in your care. He is with his own kind now.
:'''Din Djarin''': I want to see him, make sure he's safe.
:'''The Armorer''': In order to master the ways of the Force, Jedi must forgo all attachment.
:'''Din Djarin''': That is the opposite of our Creed. Loyalty and solidarity are The Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mando and Paz Viszla face over rights to the Darksaber, and Mando is ready to go for the kill, but...]''
:'''The Armorer''': It is done. Paz Vizsla, have you ever removed your helmet?
:'''Paz Viszla''': No. 
:'''The Armorer''': Has it ever been removed by others? 
:'''Viszla''': Never.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
:'''Viszla''': This is The Way.
:'''The Armorer''': Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet? ''[notices Mando's silence]'' Have you ever removed your helmet? By Creed, you must vow.
:'''Din Djarin''': I have. 
:'''The Armorer''': Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.
:'''Djarin''': I beg you for your forgiveness. How can I atone? 
:'''Viszla''': Leave, apostate.
:'''The Armorer''': According to Creed, one may only be redeemed in the living waters beneath the mines of Mandalore.
:'''Din Djarin''': But the mines have all been destroyed.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec asks Din to join her and Boba, with money to offer him if he says yes]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Tell him it's on the house. But first, I gotta pay a visit to a little friend.

===''Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger'' [1.6]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cobb Vanth''': ''[to Pykes]'' Anyone gets lost running spice through Mos Pelgo again will be lost forever.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': The Pyke Syndicate has been gathering soldiers the last few weeks. Mayor Mok Shaiz is on their payroll and has flown off world, which leads us to believe the storm is about to break.
:'''Majordomo''': It was a scheduled vacation, actually.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[to Luke]'' So much like your father.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' You're trying to hard. Don't try, do.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': I want to tell you about someone you remind me of a great deal. His name was Yoda. He was small like you, but his heart was huge, and the Force was strong in him. He once said to me, &quot;Size matters not.&quot; That's how he talked. He would speak in riddles.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about Grogu]'' You've taught him well.
:'''Luke Skywalker''': It's more like he's remembering than I'm actually teaching him anything.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Sometimes the student guides the master.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': You. I didn't expect to see you here.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about the Skywalkers]'' I'm an old friend of the family.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': I don't understand why you're alright with Skywalker's decision to train the kid when you wouldn't.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Because it was my choice. I don't control the wants of others.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a mysterious red-eyed humanoid alien - Cad Bane - enters Freetown and Cobb Vanth receives him after sending all the residents indoors]''
:'''Cad Bane''': Cobb Vanth.
:'''Cobb Vanth''': And who might you be?
:'''Bane''': Whatever Fett is paying you, we'll match, and all you've got to do is stay put and let things play out.
:'''Deputy''': Hey, the Marshal ain't for sale. ''[Bane raises head to look at them]''
:'''Vanth''': I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
:'''Bane''': I'd be careful where I was sticking my nose if I were you.
:'''Vanth''': Is that friendly advice or a threat?
:'''Bane''': Boba Fett is a cold-blooded killer who worked with the Empire. 
:'''Vanth''': You tell your spice runners Tatooine is closed for business. This planet's seen enough violence.
:'''Bane''': You should've never given up your armor. ''[long pause. Vanth draws but Bane shoots him first in the shoulder then kills the Deputy with three shots]'' Tatooine belongs to the Syndicate. As long as the spice keeps running, everyone will be left alone. ''[holsters weapon and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' The Mandalorian wanted you to have this. ''[shows beskar chainmail suit]'' But before you take it, I will give you a choice. ''[opens box and pulls out a lightsaber]'' This... is a lightsaber. It belonged to my teacher, Master Yoda. And now, I'm offering it to you. But you may choose only one. If you choose the armor, you'll return to your friend, the Mandalorian. However, you will be giving in to attachment to those that you love and forsaking the way of the Jedi. But if you choose the lightsaber, you will be the first student in my academy, and I will train you to be a great Jedi. It will take you many years to master the ways of the Force, and you may never see the Mandalorian again because, Grogu, a short time for you is a lifetime for someone else. ''[Grogu coos]'' Which do you choose?

===''Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor'' [1.7]===
:''[Mok Shaiz's majordomo emerges from the Garsa's Sanctuary ruins offering to negotiate with the Pykes laying siege, with a tablet at hand]''
:'''Majordomo''': Salutations! Salutations! I am unarmed but for this tablet bearing the terms of surrender. I wish to present to whomever spokesperson is empowered to deliberate an acceptable outcome in the eyes of the Oba Diah high council.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it to me, tail-head. 
:'''Majordomo''': Oh, because of the enchanting sobriquet, and one of which I never tire. Yes. Someday I hope to see the fabled Obsidian Cliffs of Oba Diah with my own eyes.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': Agreed. Let us dispense with the pleasantries. ''[Clears throat as he reads tablet]'' &quot;I, Boba Fett, speaking as Daimyo of the Tatooine territories formerly held by Jabba the Hutt, do present the following offer&quot;. ''[looks at the text]'' Perhaps we should discuss what you'd be willing to...
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': &quot;... following offer. Nothing&quot;. Uh... &quot;You will leave this planet and your spice trade. If you refuse these terms... ''[clears throat]'' the arid sands of Tatooine will once again flourish with flowered fields fertilized with the bodies of your dead&quot;. His words.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peli Motto and the droids have extracted Mando and are leading the Pykes' Scorpeneks on a wild goose chase]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Hey, Mando! Look who's here.
:'''Mando''': What? ''[sees Grogu emerge from a sheet]'' Hey, what are you doing here? Oh! Okay, little guy. I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know when I'd see you again. It's okay. Yeah. I missed you too, buddy. But, uh... we're in a bit of a bind here right now. You be careful. You keep your head down. You stay hidden until the fight's over. ''[notices Grogu wearing the beskar chainmail suit the Armorer made for him]'' Hey, that's the shirt. You got the shirt.
:'''Motto''': Save your tender moment. We've got a Scorpenek droid chasing us.
:'''Mando''': What is he doing here?
:'''Motto''': The Force works in mysterious ways.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Temuera Morrison|Temuera Morrison]] - Boba Fett
* Ming-Na Wen - Fennec Shand
* [[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Din Djarin AKA The Mandalorian/Mando 
* Matt Berry - 8D8 
* [[w:Emily Swallow|Emily Swallow]] - The Armorer
* Timothy Olyphant - Cobb Vanth
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Peli Motto
* [[w:Rosario Dawson|Rosario Dawson]] - Ahsoka Tano
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|13668894|The Book of Boba Fett}}
* {{official website|https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/the-book-of-boba-fett}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Book of Boba Fett}}
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Star Wars]]
[[Category:Disney+ shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:The Book of Boba Fett|The Book of Boba Fett]]''''' (2021-) is a space western television series based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, about the adventures of veteran bounty hunter Boba Fett, now a crime lord in the desert planet of Tattooine.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land'' [1.1] ===
:''[Master Garfalaquox has brought a gift for Boba Fett and is saying something in his language. Boba and Fennec are nodding as if they know what he's saying]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Did you catch any of that?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Something about friendship?
:'''Boba Fett''': We really need a protocol droid.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 presents visitors for Boba Fett but the next ones are two shackled Gamorreans]''
:'''8D8''': These two Gamorreans were once bodyguards to Jabba the Hutt, and later, Bib Fortuna. They did not surrender even after their patron was killed. They were captured alive as a tribute to you, Lord Fett. Their tortured squeals will send a piercing message to all potential challengers to your throne. ''[Gamorreans grunting]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I do not torture.
:'''8D8''': Well, respectfully, Lord Fett, on Tatooine you must project strength if you are to be accepted as a Daimyo.
:'''Fett''': You were loyal to both your bosses. ''[Gamorreans grunt]'' Would you be loyal to me if I were to spare you? ''[Gamorreans squeal and grunt in excitement; to Fennec]'' This is a bad idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and a Rodian have been recaptured by the Tusken Raiders]''
:'''Boba Fett''': We could have both escaped if you didn't sound the alarm. If you kept your snout closed, if we can get to Anchorhead, I can get us off world. I could also strangle you with this ankle chain and feed your leg to the watchdog. ''[Rodian mutters at him]'' Oh, that you understand, huh?

===''Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine'' [1.2]===
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have just stolen a bunch of speeder bikes from a Nikto gang to prepare for ambushing a spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[shooing away Tuskens trying to dismantle the bikes]'' Whoa! These are mine! These are mine, stop! These are mine. I will teach you how to ride. I will teach you. This is how we will stop the train.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett and Fennec Shand force their way to meet Mos Espa Mayor Mok Shaiz]''
:'''Mok Shaiz''': ''[Via interpreter]'' Who is this who enters unannounced?
:'''Boba Fett''': You know damn well who.
:'''Majordomo''': It is the new Daimyo, Boba Fett, Your Excellence.
:'''Fett''': If you do not who know I am, then why did you send this man ''[points to captured assassin]'' to assassinate me?
:'''Majordomo''': I can assure you, the Mayor had nothing...
:'''Mok Shaiz''': He's a member of the Order of the Night Wind.
:'''Fett''': Ah! Then you admit it.
:'''Shaiz''': The Order of the Night Wind are not allowed to operate outside of Hutt Space. Thank you for turning him in. Give this man his reward.
:'''Fett''': I am not a bounty hunter.
:'''Shaiz''': Is that so? I've heard otherwise. I know that you sit on the throne of your former employer.
:'''Fett''': Bib Fortuna was not my employer.
:'''Shaiz''': It was Jabba the Hutt's throne.
:'''Fett''': Yes. And now it is mine. And I will take this payment as what you should have brought me as tribute. You should remember, you serve as long as the Daimyo of Tatooine deem it so.
:'''Shaiz''': ''[rattled]'' Before you threaten me, you should ask yourself, who really sent the Night Wind? I have no motive. As you said, I serve at your pleasure.
:'''Fett''': I am not a fool, Mok Shaiz. And those who thought otherwise no longer draw breath.
:'''Shaiz''': Here is the tribute I offer, some advice. Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.
:'''Fett''': Is that it?
:'''Shaiz''': Go to Garsa's Sanctuary. You'll see what I speak of.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have successfully taken down the Pykes' spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Who's the leader? ''[Pykes point at leader]''
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': Are you going to kill us?
:'''Fett''': That depends on how you answer what I'm about to ask. ''[Tusken Raider talks]'' Are you carrying spice?
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What do you mean by &quot;spice&quot;?
:'''Fett''': Sansanna spice from the slave mines of Kessel. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What does spice look like?
:'''Fett''': Like that. This is not looking good for you.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We thought you were uncivilized raiders. We were trying to protect our route.
:'''Fett''':  These sands are no longer free for you to pass. These people lay ancestral claim to the Dune Sea, and if you are to pass, a toll is to be paid to them. Any death dealt from the passing freighters will be returned ten-fold. Now, go back to your syndicate and present these terms. Your lives are a gesture of our civility. Now walk. Single file, in the direction of the high sun. It will lead you to Anchorhead by sunset if you leave now.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': But we'll be killed.
:'''Fett''': You now travel under the protection of the Tuskens. No harm will come of you. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We will die of thirst without our water car.
:'''Fett''': We will give you each a black melon. You will survive on its milk as these people do. Now go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': I have a gift for you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A gift? Why?
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': You are a good guide. Now this gift will guide you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A lizard? Thank you. I will let it guide me.
:''[the lizard jumps on him and goes up his nose]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm sorry, I think I swallowed it. It's a tricky little bugger.
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': It will guide you from inside your head.

===''Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa'' [1.3]===
:''[8D8 briefs Boba Fett about the crime situation in Mos Espa]''
:'''8D8''': After the Sail Barge disaster, there was a power vacuum. Bib Fortuna assumed Jabba's mantle. Under Master Bib's watchful eye, Mos Espa was divided amongst three families. ''[outlines holomap]'' The Trandoshans took the city center. The Aqualish, the Worker's District here. And the Klatooinians, the starport and upper sprawl. Master Bib did not have the power of Jabba, so he relied on uneasy alliances to preserve his tribute and title.
:'''Boba Fett''': All of this while lining the pockets of Mayor Mok Shaiz. Where does that leave us now?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Everyone is waiting to see what kind of leader you are.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Release him. ''[to Krrsantan]'' No hard feelings, it's just business. Take it from an ex-bounty hunter: don't work for scugholes. It's not worth it.

===''Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm'' [1.4]===
:''[Boba Fett has dinner with the crime lords of Tattooine, but they doubt his sincerity]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Why speak of conflict when cooperation can make us all rich?
:'''Aqualish gang leader's translator''': Master Garfalaquox asks what it is that you are proposing.
:'''Fett''': I am proposing that all the families of Mos Espa join in a defensive alliance until the Pyke Syndicate is vanquished.
:'''Klatooinian gang leader''': They have only challenged your territory. Why should we spill the blood of our ranks for a feud waged between you and the Pykes?
:'''Fett''': Yes. Then I will fight these battles alone. I will vanquish these interlopers who threaten our planet. I will make the streets safe again. So all in this room can prosper. All I ask in return is that you remain neutral if the Pyke Syndicate approaches you to betray me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': You're a hunter''': 
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm tired of working for idiots who are gonna get me killed. The Tuskens took me in, made me part of their tribe. I was ready to leave hunting behind.
:'''Fennec Shand''': People like us don't get to decide when we're finished.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec presses a button to release a seismic charge]''
:'''Fennec Shand''': Fire in the hole.
:''[the Sarlacc swallows the charge, causing it to then explode]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Next time, don't touch my buttons.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': Living with the Tuskens has made you soft.
:'''Boba Fett''': No, it's made me strong. You can only get far without a tribe.

===''Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian'' [1.5]===
:''[Mando has just defeated a Klatooinian abattoir boss and his goons at their office, but faces more workers outside]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Your boss is dead. I'm here to collect on his bounty. I have no trouble with any of you. There's a pile of New Republic credits in there that I have no right to. If you do me the honor of letting me pass, you all can help yourselves to whatever you think you deserve from your former employer. ''[one worker carefully sidesteps from him and heads to the office; the others follow and help themselves to the money as Mando leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Armorer''': What shall I forge?
:'''Din Djarin''': Something for a foundling.
:'''The Armorer''': This is the way.
:'''Din Djarin''': For a specific foundling...Grogu.
:'''The Armorer''': He is no longer in your care. He is with his own kind now.
:'''Din Djarin''': I want to see him, make sure he's safe.
:'''The Armorer''': In order to master the ways of the Force, Jedi must forgo all attachment.
:'''Din Djarin''': That is the opposite of our Creed. Loyalty and solidarity are The Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mando and Paz Viszla face over rights to the Darksaber, and Mando is ready to go for the kill, but...]''
:'''The Armorer''': It is done. Paz Vizsla, have you ever removed your helmet?
:'''Paz Viszla''': No. 
:'''The Armorer''': Has it ever been removed by others? 
:'''Viszla''': Never.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
:'''Viszla''': This is The Way.
:'''The Armorer''': Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet? ''[notices Mando's silence]'' Have you ever removed your helmet? By Creed, you must vow.
:'''Din Djarin''': I have. 
:'''The Armorer''': Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.
:'''Djarin''': I beg you for your forgiveness. How can I atone? 
:'''Viszla''': Leave, apostate.
:'''The Armorer''': According to Creed, one may only be redeemed in the living waters beneath the mines of Mandalore.
:'''Din Djarin''': But the mines have all been destroyed.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec asks Din to join her and Boba, with money to offer him if he says yes]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Tell him it's on the house. But first, I gotta pay a visit to a little friend.

===''Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger'' [1.6]===
:'''Fennec Shand''': The Pyke Syndicate has been gathering soldiers the last few weeks. Mayor Mok Shaiz is on their payroll and has flown off world, which leads us to believe the storm is about to break.
:'''Majordomo''': It was a scheduled vacation, actually.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': I don't understand why you're alright with Skywalker's decision to train the kid when you wouldn't.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Because it was my choice. I don't control the wants of others.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a mysterious red-eyed humanoid alien - Cad Bane - enters Freetown and Cobb Vanth receives him after sending all the residents indoors]''
:'''Cad Bane''': Cobb Vanth.
:'''Cobb Vanth''': And who might you be?
:'''Bane''': Whatever Fett is paying you, we'll match, and all you've got to do is stay put and let things play out.
:'''Deputy''': Hey, the Marshal ain't for sale. ''[Bane raises head to look at them]''
:'''Vanth''': I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
:'''Bane''': I'd be careful where I was sticking my nose if I were you.
:'''Vanth''': Is that friendly advice or a threat?
:'''Bane''': Boba Fett is a cold-blooded killer who worked with the Empire. 
:'''Vanth''': You tell your spice runners Tatooine is closed for business. This planet's seen enough violence.
:'''Bane''': You should've never given up your armor. ''[long pause. Vanth draws but Bane shoots him first in the shoulder then kills the Deputy with three shots]'' Tatooine belongs to the Syndicate. As long as the spice keeps running, everyone will be left alone. ''[holsters weapon and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' The Mandalorian wanted you to have this. ''[shows beskar chainmail suit]'' But before you take it, I will give you a choice. ''[opens box and pulls out a lightsaber]'' This... is a lightsaber. It belonged to my teacher, Master Yoda. And now, I'm offering it to you. But you may choose only one. If you choose the armor, you'll return to your friend, the Mandalorian. However, you will be giving in to attachment to those that you love and forsaking the way of the Jedi. But if you choose the lightsaber, you will be the first student in my academy, and I will train you to be a great Jedi. It will take you many years to master the ways of the Force, and you may never see the Mandalorian again because, Grogu, a short time for you is a lifetime for someone else. ''[Grogu coos]'' Which do you choose?

===''Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor'' [1.7]===
:''[Mok Shaiz's majordomo emerges from the Garsa's Sanctuary ruins offering to negotiate with the Pykes laying siege, with a tablet at hand]''
:'''Majordomo''': Salutations! Salutations! I am unarmed but for this tablet bearing the terms of surrender. I wish to present to whomever spokesperson is empowered to deliberate an acceptable outcome in the eyes of the Oba Diah high council.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it to me, tail-head. 
:'''Majordomo''': Oh, because of the enchanting sobriquet, and one of which I never tire. Yes. Someday I hope to see the fabled Obsidian Cliffs of Oba Diah with my own eyes.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': Agreed. Let us dispense with the pleasantries. ''[Clears throat as he reads tablet]'' &quot;I, Boba Fett, speaking as Daimyo of the Tatooine territories formerly held by Jabba the Hutt, do present the following offer&quot;. ''[looks at the text]'' Perhaps we should discuss what you'd be willing to...
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': &quot;... following offer. Nothing&quot;. Uh... &quot;You will leave this planet and your spice trade. If you refuse these terms... ''[clears throat]'' the arid sands of Tatooine will once again flourish with flowered fields fertilized with the bodies of your dead&quot;. His words.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peli Motto and the droids have extracted Mando and are leading the Pykes' Scorpeneks on a wild goose chase]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Hey, Mando! Look who's here.
:'''Mando''': What? ''[sees Grogu emerge from a sheet]'' Hey, what are you doing here? Oh! Okay, little guy. I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know when I'd see you again. It's okay. Yeah. I missed you too, buddy. But, uh... we're in a bit of a bind here right now. You be careful. You keep your head down. You stay hidden until the fight's over. ''[notices Grogu wearing the beskar chainmail suit the Armorer made for him]'' Hey, that's the shirt. You got the shirt.
:'''Motto''': Save your tender moment. We've got a Scorpenek droid chasing us.
:'''Mando''': What is he doing here?
:'''Motto''': The Force works in mysterious ways.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Temuera Morrison|Temuera Morrison]] - Boba Fett
* Ming-Na Wen - Fennec Shand
* [[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Din Djarin AKA The Mandalorian/Mando 
* Matt Berry - 8D8 
* [[w:Emily Swallow|Emily Swallow]] - The Armorer
* Timothy Olyphant - Cobb Vanth
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Peli Motto
* [[w:Rosario Dawson|Rosario Dawson]] - Ahsoka Tano
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|13668894|The Book of Boba Fett}}
* {{official website|https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/the-book-of-boba-fett}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Book of Boba Fett}}
[[Category:Current shows]]
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'''''[[w:The Book of Boba Fett|The Book of Boba Fett]]''''' (2021-) is a space western television series based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, about the adventures of veteran bounty hunter Boba Fett, now a crime lord in the desert planet of Tattooine.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land'' [1.1] ===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Jabba ruled with fear. I intend to rule with respect.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Master Garfalaquox has brought a gift for Boba Fett and is saying something in his language. Boba and Fennec are nodding as if they know what he's saying]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Did you catch any of that?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Something about friendship?
:'''Boba Fett''': We really need a protocol droid.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 presents visitors for Boba Fett but the next ones are two shackled Gamorreans]''
:'''8D8''': These two Gamorreans were once bodyguards to Jabba the Hutt, and later, Bib Fortuna. They did not surrender even after their patron was killed. They were captured alive as a tribute to you, Lord Fett. Their tortured squeals will send a piercing message to all potential challengers to your throne. ''[Gamorreans grunting]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I do not torture.
:'''8D8''': Well, respectfully, Lord Fett, on Tatooine you must project strength if you are to be accepted as a Daimyo.
:'''Fett''': You were loyal to both your bosses. ''[Gamorreans grunt]'' Would you be loyal to me if I were to spare you? ''[Gamorreans squeal and grunt in excitement; to Fennec]'' This is a bad idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and a Rodian have been recaptured by the Tusken Raiders]''
:'''Boba Fett''': We could have both escaped if you didn't sound the alarm. If you kept your snout closed, if we can get to Anchorhead, I can get us off world. I could also strangle you with this ankle chain and feed your leg to the watchdog. ''[Rodian mutters at him]'' Oh, that you understand, huh?

===''Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine'' [1.2]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': I am Boba Fett. I'm here to see the Mayor.
:'''Mok Shaiz' clerk''': &quot;Boba Fett.&quot; Um... Do you have an appointment?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mok Shaiz''': Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Garsa Fwip]'' Mayor Mok Shaiz sent me here as though there's something I should know. ...And now you're sweating like a gumpta on Mustafar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have just stolen a bunch of speeder bikes from a Nikto gang to prepare for ambushing a spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[shooing away Tuskens trying to dismantle the bikes]'' Whoa! These are mine! These are mine, stop! These are mine. I will teach you how to ride. I will teach you. This is how we will stop the train.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett and Fennec Shand force their way to meet Mos Espa Mayor Mok Shaiz]''
:'''Mok Shaiz''': ''[Via interpreter]'' Who is this who enters unannounced?
:'''Boba Fett''': You know damn well who.
:'''Majordomo''': It is the new Daimyo, Boba Fett, Your Excellence.
:'''Fett''': If you do not who know I am, then why did you send this man ''[points to captured assassin]'' to assassinate me?
:'''Majordomo''': I can assure you, the Mayor had nothing...
:'''Mok Shaiz''': He's a member of the Order of the Night Wind.
:'''Fett''': Ah! Then you admit it.
:'''Shaiz''': The Order of the Night Wind are not allowed to operate outside of Hutt Space. Thank you for turning him in. Give this man his reward.
:'''Fett''': I am not a bounty hunter.
:'''Shaiz''': Is that so? I've heard otherwise. I know that you sit on the throne of your former employer.
:'''Fett''': Bib Fortuna was not my employer.
:'''Shaiz''': It was Jabba the Hutt's throne.
:'''Fett''': Yes. And now it is mine. And I will take this payment as what you should have brought me as tribute. You should remember, you serve as long as the Daimyo of Tatooine deem it so.
:'''Shaiz''': ''[rattled]'' Before you threaten me, you should ask yourself, who really sent the Night Wind? I have no motive. As you said, I serve at your pleasure.
:'''Fett''': I am not a fool, Mok Shaiz. And those who thought otherwise no longer draw breath.
:'''Shaiz''': Here is the tribute I offer, some advice. Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.
:'''Fett''': Is that it?
:'''Shaiz''': Go to Garsa's Sanctuary. You'll see what I speak of.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have successfully taken down the Pykes' spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Who's the leader? ''[Pykes point at leader]''
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': Are you going to kill us?
:'''Fett''': That depends on how you answer what I'm about to ask. ''[Tusken Raider talks]'' Are you carrying spice?
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What do you mean by &quot;spice&quot;?
:'''Fett''': Sansanna spice from the slave mines of Kessel. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What does spice look like?
:'''Fett''': Like that. This is not looking good for you.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We thought you were uncivilized raiders. We were trying to protect our route.
:'''Fett''':  These sands are no longer free for you to pass. These people lay ancestral claim to the Dune Sea, and if you are to pass, a toll is to be paid to them. Any death dealt from the passing freighters will be returned ten-fold. Now, go back to your syndicate and present these terms. Your lives are a gesture of our civility. Now walk. Single file, in the direction of the high sun. It will lead you to Anchorhead by sunset if you leave now.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': But we'll be killed.
:'''Fett''': You now travel under the protection of the Tuskens. No harm will come of you. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We will die of thirst without our water car.
:'''Fett''': We will give you each a black melon. You will survive on its milk as these people do. Now go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': I have a gift for you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A gift? Why?
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': You are a good guide. Now this gift will guide you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A lizard? Thank you. I will let it guide me.
:''[the lizard jumps on him and goes up his nose]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm sorry, I think I swallowed it. It's a tricky little bugger.
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': It will guide you from inside your head.

===''Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa'' [1.3]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 briefs Boba Fett about the crime situation in Mos Espa]''
:'''8D8''': After the Sail Barge disaster, there was a power vacuum. Bib Fortuna assumed Jabba's mantle. Under Master Bib's watchful eye, Mos Espa was divided amongst three families. ''[outlines holomap]'' The Trandoshans took the city center. The Aqualish, the Worker's District here. And the Klatooinians, the starport and upper sprawl. Master Bib did not have the power of Jabba, so he relied on uneasy alliances to preserve his tribute and title.
:'''Boba Fett''': All of this while lining the pockets of Mayor Mok Shaiz. Where does that leave us now?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Everyone is waiting to see what kind of leader you are.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Release him. ''[to Krrsantan]'' No hard feelings, it's just business. Take it from an ex-bounty hunter: don't work for scugholes. It's not worth it.

===''Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm'' [1.4]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett has dinner with the crime lords of Tattooine, but they doubt his sincerity]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Why speak of conflict when cooperation can make us all rich?
:'''Aqualish gang leader's translator''': Master Garfalaquox asks what it is that you are proposing.
:'''Fett''': I am proposing that all the families of Mos Espa join in a defensive alliance until the Pyke Syndicate is vanquished.
:'''Klatooinian gang leader''': They have only challenged your territory. Why should we spill the blood of our ranks for a feud waged between you and the Pykes?
:'''Fett''': Yes. Then I will fight these battles alone. I will vanquish these interlopers who threaten our planet. I will make the streets safe again. So all in this room can prosper. All I ask in return is that you remain neutral if the Pyke Syndicate approaches you to betray me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Fennec]'' I want you to help me. Help me recover my Firespray gunship.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': You're a hunter''': 
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm tired of working for idiots who are gonna get me killed. The Tuskens took me in, made me part of their tribe. I was ready to leave hunting behind.
:'''Fennec Shand''': People like us don't get to decide when we're finished.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec presses a button to release a seismic charge]''
:'''Fennec Shand''': Fire in the hole.
:''[the Sarlacc swallows the charge, causing it to then explode]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Next time, don't touch my buttons.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': Living with the Tuskens has made you soft.
:'''Boba Fett''': No, it's made me strong. You can only get far without a tribe.

===''Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian'' [1.5]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': Where is your unlikely companion?
:'''Din Djarin''': I returned him to his own kind.
:'''Peli Motto''': Why the hell would you do that?! I could've made good money off that thing, open a petting zoo!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Jawas bring Din the part he asked for]''
:'''Din Djarin''': That was fast.
:'''Peli Motto''': These critters could find a skud in a krill pond. ''[about the part the Jawas gave Din]'' Will that do?
:'''Din Djarin''': Where did they get a cryogenic density combustion booster?
:'''Peli Motto''': Do you really want to know?
:'''Din Djarin''': Sure.
:''[Peli translates Din's question to the Jawas in Jawaese]''
:'''Peli Motto''': I got it. They said they crawled under a Pyke spice runner and crimped it off while they were refueling.
:'''Din Djarin''': Gusty little fellas.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': You hit this button, you're gonna evacuate your exhaust manifold, if you know what I mean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din pays Peli for his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Mind if I count it? Not that I don't trust you, I just wanna make sure you don't give me too much.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[starts up his new ship]'' Shouldn't we run a diagnostic first?
:'''Peli Motto''': Nah, I can hear her! She's purring! Send her up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din lands his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Whoo! Well? How was it?
:'''Din Djarin''': Wizard.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[to the Klatooinian boss]'' I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Mando has just defeated a Klatooinian abattoir boss and his goons at their office, but faces more workers outside]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Your boss is dead. I'm here to collect on his bounty. I have no trouble with any of you. There's a pile of New Republic credits in there that I have no right to. If you do me the honor of letting me pass, you all can help yourselves to whatever you think you deserve from your former employer. ''[one worker carefully sidesteps from him and heads to the office; the others follow and help themselves to the money as Mando leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Armorer''': What shall I forge?
:'''Din Djarin''': Something for a foundling.
:'''The Armorer''': This is the way.
:'''Din Djarin''': For a specific foundling...Grogu.
:'''The Armorer''': He is no longer in your care. He is with his own kind now.
:'''Din Djarin''': I want to see him, make sure he's safe.
:'''The Armorer''': In order to master the ways of the Force, Jedi must forgo all attachment.
:'''Din Djarin''': That is the opposite of our Creed. Loyalty and solidarity are The Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mando and Paz Viszla face over rights to the Darksaber, and Mando is ready to go for the kill, but...]''
:'''The Armorer''': It is done. Paz Vizsla, have you ever removed your helmet?
:'''Paz Viszla''': No. 
:'''The Armorer''': Has it ever been removed by others? 
:'''Viszla''': Never.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
:'''Viszla''': This is The Way.
:'''The Armorer''': Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet? ''[notices Mando's silence]'' Have you ever removed your helmet? By Creed, you must vow.
:'''Din Djarin''': I have. 
:'''The Armorer''': Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.
:'''Djarin''': I beg you for your forgiveness. How can I atone? 
:'''Viszla''': Leave, apostate.
:'''The Armorer''': According to Creed, one may only be redeemed in the living waters beneath the mines of Mandalore.
:'''Din Djarin''': But the mines have all been destroyed.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec asks Din to join her and Boba, with money to offer him if he says yes]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Tell him it's on the house. But first, I gotta pay a visit to a little friend.

===''Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger'' [1.6]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cobb Vanth''': ''[to Pykes]'' Anyone gets lost running spice through Mos Pelgo again will be lost forever.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': The Pyke Syndicate has been gathering soldiers the last few weeks. Mayor Mok Shaiz is on their payroll and has flown off world, which leads us to believe the storm is about to break.
:'''Majordomo''': It was a scheduled vacation, actually.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[to Luke]'' So much like your father.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' You're trying to hard. Don't try, do.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': I want to tell you about someone you remind me of a great deal. His name was Yoda. He was small like you, but his heart was huge, and the Force was strong in him. He once said to me, &quot;Size matters not.&quot; That's how he talked. He would speak in riddles.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about Grogu]'' You've taught him well.
:'''Luke Skywalker''': It's more like he's remembering than I'm actually teaching him anything.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Sometimes the student guides the master.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': You. I didn't expect to see you here.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about the Skywalkers]'' I'm an old friend of the family.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': I don't understand why you're alright with Skywalker's decision to train the kid when you wouldn't.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Because it was my choice. I don't control the wants of others.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a mysterious red-eyed humanoid alien - Cad Bane - enters Freetown and Cobb Vanth receives him after sending all the residents indoors]''
:'''Cad Bane''': Cobb Vanth.
:'''Cobb Vanth''': And who might you be?
:'''Bane''': Whatever Fett is paying you, we'll match, and all you've got to do is stay put and let things play out.
:'''Deputy''': Hey, the Marshal ain't for sale. ''[Bane raises head to look at them]''
:'''Vanth''': I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
:'''Bane''': I'd be careful where I was sticking my nose if I were you.
:'''Vanth''': Is that friendly advice or a threat?
:'''Bane''': Boba Fett is a cold-blooded killer who worked with the Empire. 
:'''Vanth''': You tell your spice runners Tatooine is closed for business. This planet's seen enough violence.
:'''Bane''': You should've never given up your armor. ''[long pause. Vanth draws but Bane shoots him first in the shoulder then kills the Deputy with three shots]'' Tatooine belongs to the Syndicate. As long as the spice keeps running, everyone will be left alone. ''[holsters weapon and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' The Mandalorian wanted you to have this. ''[shows beskar chainmail suit]'' But before you take it, I will give you a choice. ''[opens box and pulls out a lightsaber]'' This... is a lightsaber. It belonged to my teacher, Master Yoda. And now, I'm offering it to you. But you may choose only one. If you choose the armor, you'll return to your friend, the Mandalorian. However, you will be giving in to attachment to those that you love and forsaking the way of the Jedi. But if you choose the lightsaber, you will be the first student in my academy, and I will train you to be a great Jedi. It will take you many years to master the ways of the Force, and you may never see the Mandalorian again because, Grogu, a short time for you is a lifetime for someone else. ''[Grogu coos]'' Which do you choose?

===''Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor'' [1.7]===
:''[Mok Shaiz's majordomo emerges from the Garsa's Sanctuary ruins offering to negotiate with the Pykes laying siege, with a tablet at hand]''
:'''Majordomo''': Salutations! Salutations! I am unarmed but for this tablet bearing the terms of surrender. I wish to present to whomever spokesperson is empowered to deliberate an acceptable outcome in the eyes of the Oba Diah high council.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it to me, tail-head. 
:'''Majordomo''': Oh, because of the enchanting sobriquet, and one of which I never tire. Yes. Someday I hope to see the fabled Obsidian Cliffs of Oba Diah with my own eyes.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': Agreed. Let us dispense with the pleasantries. ''[Clears throat as he reads tablet]'' &quot;I, Boba Fett, speaking as Daimyo of the Tatooine territories formerly held by Jabba the Hutt, do present the following offer&quot;. ''[looks at the text]'' Perhaps we should discuss what you'd be willing to...
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': &quot;... following offer. Nothing&quot;. Uh... &quot;You will leave this planet and your spice trade. If you refuse these terms... ''[clears throat]'' the arid sands of Tatooine will once again flourish with flowered fields fertilized with the bodies of your dead&quot;. His words.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peli Motto and the droids have extracted Mando and are leading the Pykes' Scorpeneks on a wild goose chase]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Hey, Mando! Look who's here.
:'''Mando''': What? ''[sees Grogu emerge from a sheet]'' Hey, what are you doing here? Oh! Okay, little guy. I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know when I'd see you again. It's okay. Yeah. I missed you too, buddy. But, uh... we're in a bit of a bind here right now. You be careful. You keep your head down. You stay hidden until the fight's over. ''[notices Grogu wearing the beskar chainmail suit the Armorer made for him]'' Hey, that's the shirt. You got the shirt.
:'''Motto''': Save your tender moment. We've got a Scorpenek droid chasing us.
:'''Mando''': What is he doing here?
:'''Motto''': The Force works in mysterious ways.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Temuera Morrison|Temuera Morrison]] - Boba Fett
* Ming-Na Wen - Fennec Shand
* [[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Din Djarin AKA The Mandalorian/Mando 
* Matt Berry - 8D8 
* [[w:Emily Swallow|Emily Swallow]] - The Armorer
* Timothy Olyphant - Cobb Vanth
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Peli Motto
* [[w:Rosario Dawson|Rosario Dawson]] - Ahsoka Tano
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|13668894|The Book of Boba Fett}}
* {{official website|https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/the-book-of-boba-fett}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Book of Boba Fett}}
[[Category:Current shows]]
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        <id>16205</id>
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      <comment>Undo revision 3146164 by [[Special:Contributions/Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]])episode duration retrim</comment>
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'''''[[w:The Book of Boba Fett|The Book of Boba Fett]]''''' (2021-) is a space western television series based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, about the adventures of veteran bounty hunter Boba Fett, now a crime lord in the desert planet of Tattooine.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land'' [1.1] ===
:''[Master Garfalaquox has brought a gift for Boba Fett and is saying something in his language. Boba and Fennec are nodding as if they know what he's saying]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Did you catch any of that?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Something about friendship?
:'''Boba Fett''': We really need a protocol droid.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 presents visitors for Boba Fett but the next ones are two shackled Gamorreans]''
:'''8D8''': These two Gamorreans were once bodyguards to Jabba the Hutt, and later, Bib Fortuna. They did not surrender even after their patron was killed. They were captured alive as a tribute to you, Lord Fett. Their tortured squeals will send a piercing message to all potential challengers to your throne. ''[Gamorreans grunting]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I do not torture.
:'''8D8''': Well, respectfully, Lord Fett, on Tatooine you must project strength if you are to be accepted as a Daimyo.
:'''Fett''': You were loyal to both your bosses. ''[Gamorreans grunt]'' Would you be loyal to me if I were to spare you? ''[Gamorreans squeal and grunt in excitement; to Fennec]'' This is a bad idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and a Rodian have been recaptured by the Tusken Raiders]''
:'''Boba Fett''': We could have both escaped if you didn't sound the alarm. If you kept your snout closed, if we can get to Anchorhead, I can get us off world. I could also strangle you with this ankle chain and feed your leg to the watchdog. ''[Rodian mutters at him]'' Oh, that you understand, huh?

===''Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine'' [1.2]===
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have just stolen a bunch of speeder bikes from a Nikto gang to prepare for ambushing a spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[shooing away Tuskens trying to dismantle the bikes]'' Whoa! These are mine! These are mine, stop! These are mine. I will teach you how to ride. I will teach you. This is how we will stop the train.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett and Fennec Shand force their way to meet Mos Espa Mayor Mok Shaiz]''
:'''Mok Shaiz''': ''[Via interpreter]'' Who is this who enters unannounced?
:'''Boba Fett''': You know damn well who.
:'''Majordomo''': It is the new Daimyo, Boba Fett, Your Excellence.
:'''Fett''': If you do not who know I am, then why did you send this man ''[points to captured assassin]'' to assassinate me?
:'''Majordomo''': I can assure you, the Mayor had nothing...
:'''Mok Shaiz''': He's a member of the Order of the Night Wind.
:'''Fett''': Ah! Then you admit it.
:'''Shaiz''': The Order of the Night Wind are not allowed to operate outside of Hutt Space. Thank you for turning him in. Give this man his reward.
:'''Fett''': I am not a bounty hunter.
:'''Shaiz''': Is that so? I've heard otherwise. I know that you sit on the throne of your former employer.
:'''Fett''': Bib Fortuna was not my employer.
:'''Shaiz''': It was Jabba the Hutt's throne.
:'''Fett''': Yes. And now it is mine. And I will take this payment as what you should have brought me as tribute. You should remember, you serve as long as the Daimyo of Tatooine deem it so.
:'''Shaiz''': ''[rattled]'' Before you threaten me, you should ask yourself, who really sent the Night Wind? I have no motive. As you said, I serve at your pleasure.
:'''Fett''': I am not a fool, Mok Shaiz. And those who thought otherwise no longer draw breath.
:'''Shaiz''': Here is the tribute I offer, some advice. Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.
:'''Fett''': Is that it?
:'''Shaiz''': Go to Garsa's Sanctuary. You'll see what I speak of.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have successfully taken down the Pykes' spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Who's the leader? ''[Pykes point at leader]''
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': Are you going to kill us?
:'''Fett''': That depends on how you answer what I'm about to ask. ''[Tusken Raider talks]'' Are you carrying spice?
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What do you mean by &quot;spice&quot;?
:'''Fett''': Sansanna spice from the slave mines of Kessel. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What does spice look like?
:'''Fett''': Like that. This is not looking good for you.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We thought you were uncivilized raiders. We were trying to protect our route.
:'''Fett''':  These sands are no longer free for you to pass. These people lay ancestral claim to the Dune Sea, and if you are to pass, a toll is to be paid to them. Any death dealt from the passing freighters will be returned ten-fold. Now, go back to your syndicate and present these terms. Your lives are a gesture of our civility. Now walk. Single file, in the direction of the high sun. It will lead you to Anchorhead by sunset if you leave now.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': But we'll be killed.
:'''Fett''': You now travel under the protection of the Tuskens. No harm will come of you. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We will die of thirst without our water car.
:'''Fett''': We will give you each a black melon. You will survive on its milk as these people do. Now go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': I have a gift for you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A gift? Why?
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': You are a good guide. Now this gift will guide you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A lizard? Thank you. I will let it guide me.
:''[the lizard jumps on him and goes up his nose]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm sorry, I think I swallowed it. It's a tricky little bugger.
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': It will guide you from inside your head.

===''Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa'' [1.3]===
:''[8D8 briefs Boba Fett about the crime situation in Mos Espa]''
:'''8D8''': After the Sail Barge disaster, there was a power vacuum. Bib Fortuna assumed Jabba's mantle. Under Master Bib's watchful eye, Mos Espa was divided amongst three families. ''[outlines holomap]'' The Trandoshans took the city center. The Aqualish, the Worker's District here. And the Klatooinians, the starport and upper sprawl. Master Bib did not have the power of Jabba, so he relied on uneasy alliances to preserve his tribute and title.
:'''Boba Fett''': All of this while lining the pockets of Mayor Mok Shaiz. Where does that leave us now?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Everyone is waiting to see what kind of leader you are.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Release him. ''[to Krrsantan]'' No hard feelings, it's just business. Take it from an ex-bounty hunter: don't work for scugholes. It's not worth it.

===''Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm'' [1.4]===
:''[Boba Fett has dinner with the crime lords of Tattooine, but they doubt his sincerity]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Why speak of conflict when cooperation can make us all rich?
:'''Aqualish gang leader's translator''': Master Garfalaquox asks what it is that you are proposing.
:'''Fett''': I am proposing that all the families of Mos Espa join in a defensive alliance until the Pyke Syndicate is vanquished.
:'''Klatooinian gang leader''': They have only challenged your territory. Why should we spill the blood of our ranks for a feud waged between you and the Pykes?
:'''Fett''': Yes. Then I will fight these battles alone. I will vanquish these interlopers who threaten our planet. I will make the streets safe again. So all in this room can prosper. All I ask in return is that you remain neutral if the Pyke Syndicate approaches you to betray me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': You're a hunter''': 
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm tired of working for idiots who are gonna get me killed. The Tuskens took me in, made me part of their tribe. I was ready to leave hunting behind.
:'''Fennec Shand''': People like us don't get to decide when we're finished.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec presses a button to release a seismic charge]''
:'''Fennec Shand''': Fire in the hole.
:''[the Sarlacc swallows the charge, causing it to then explode]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Next time, don't touch my buttons.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': Living with the Tuskens has made you soft.
:'''Boba Fett''': No, it's made me strong. You can only get far without a tribe.

===''Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian'' [1.5]===
:''[Mando has just defeated a Klatooinian abattoir boss and his goons at their office, but faces more workers outside]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Your boss is dead. I'm here to collect on his bounty. I have no trouble with any of you. There's a pile of New Republic credits in there that I have no right to. If you do me the honor of letting me pass, you all can help yourselves to whatever you think you deserve from your former employer. ''[one worker carefully sidesteps from him and heads to the office; the others follow and help themselves to the money as Mando leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Armorer''': What shall I forge?
:'''Din Djarin''': Something for a foundling.
:'''The Armorer''': This is the way.
:'''Din Djarin''': For a specific foundling...Grogu.
:'''The Armorer''': He is no longer in your care. He is with his own kind now.
:'''Din Djarin''': I want to see him, make sure he's safe.
:'''The Armorer''': In order to master the ways of the Force, Jedi must forgo all attachment.
:'''Din Djarin''': That is the opposite of our Creed. Loyalty and solidarity are The Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mando and Paz Viszla face over rights to the Darksaber, and Mando is ready to go for the kill, but...]''
:'''The Armorer''': It is done. Paz Vizsla, have you ever removed your helmet?
:'''Paz Viszla''': No. 
:'''The Armorer''': Has it ever been removed by others? 
:'''Viszla''': Never.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
:'''Viszla''': This is The Way.
:'''The Armorer''': Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet? ''[notices Mando's silence]'' Have you ever removed your helmet? By Creed, you must vow.
:'''Din Djarin''': I have. 
:'''The Armorer''': Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.
:'''Djarin''': I beg you for your forgiveness. How can I atone? 
:'''Viszla''': Leave, apostate.
:'''The Armorer''': According to Creed, one may only be redeemed in the living waters beneath the mines of Mandalore.
:'''Din Djarin''': But the mines have all been destroyed.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec asks Din to join her and Boba, with money to offer him if he says yes]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Tell him it's on the house. But first, I gotta pay a visit to a little friend.

===''Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger'' [1.6]===
:'''Fennec Shand''': The Pyke Syndicate has been gathering soldiers the last few weeks. Mayor Mok Shaiz is on their payroll and has flown off world, which leads us to believe the storm is about to break.
:'''Majordomo''': It was a scheduled vacation, actually.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': I don't understand why you're alright with Skywalker's decision to train the kid when you wouldn't.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Because it was my choice. I don't control the wants of others.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a mysterious red-eyed humanoid alien - Cad Bane - enters Freetown and Cobb Vanth receives him after sending all the residents indoors]''
:'''Cad Bane''': Cobb Vanth.
:'''Cobb Vanth''': And who might you be?
:'''Bane''': Whatever Fett is paying you, we'll match, and all you've got to do is stay put and let things play out.
:'''Deputy''': Hey, the Marshal ain't for sale. ''[Bane raises head to look at them]''
:'''Vanth''': I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
:'''Bane''': I'd be careful where I was sticking my nose if I were you.
:'''Vanth''': Is that friendly advice or a threat?
:'''Bane''': Boba Fett is a cold-blooded killer who worked with the Empire. 
:'''Vanth''': You tell your spice runners Tatooine is closed for business. This planet's seen enough violence.
:'''Bane''': You should've never given up your armor. ''[long pause. Vanth draws but Bane shoots him first in the shoulder then kills the Deputy with three shots]'' Tatooine belongs to the Syndicate. As long as the spice keeps running, everyone will be left alone. ''[holsters weapon and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' The Mandalorian wanted you to have this. ''[shows beskar chainmail suit]'' But before you take it, I will give you a choice. ''[opens box and pulls out a lightsaber]'' This... is a lightsaber. It belonged to my teacher, Master Yoda. And now, I'm offering it to you. But you may choose only one. If you choose the armor, you'll return to your friend, the Mandalorian. However, you will be giving in to attachment to those that you love and forsaking the way of the Jedi. But if you choose the lightsaber, you will be the first student in my academy, and I will train you to be a great Jedi. It will take you many years to master the ways of the Force, and you may never see the Mandalorian again because, Grogu, a short time for you is a lifetime for someone else. ''[Grogu coos]'' Which do you choose?

===''Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor'' [1.7]===
:''[Mok Shaiz's majordomo emerges from the Garsa's Sanctuary ruins offering to negotiate with the Pykes laying siege, with a tablet at hand]''
:'''Majordomo''': Salutations! Salutations! I am unarmed but for this tablet bearing the terms of surrender. I wish to present to whomever spokesperson is empowered to deliberate an acceptable outcome in the eyes of the Oba Diah high council.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it to me, tail-head. 
:'''Majordomo''': Oh, because of the enchanting sobriquet, and one of which I never tire. Yes. Someday I hope to see the fabled Obsidian Cliffs of Oba Diah with my own eyes.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': Agreed. Let us dispense with the pleasantries. ''[Clears throat as he reads tablet]'' &quot;I, Boba Fett, speaking as Daimyo of the Tatooine territories formerly held by Jabba the Hutt, do present the following offer&quot;. ''[looks at the text]'' Perhaps we should discuss what you'd be willing to...
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': &quot;... following offer. Nothing&quot;. Uh... &quot;You will leave this planet and your spice trade. If you refuse these terms... ''[clears throat]'' the arid sands of Tatooine will once again flourish with flowered fields fertilized with the bodies of your dead&quot;. His words.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peli Motto and the droids have extracted Mando and are leading the Pykes' Scorpeneks on a wild goose chase]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Hey, Mando! Look who's here.
:'''Mando''': What? ''[sees Grogu emerge from a sheet]'' Hey, what are you doing here? Oh! Okay, little guy. I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know when I'd see you again. It's okay. Yeah. I missed you too, buddy. But, uh... we're in a bit of a bind here right now. You be careful. You keep your head down. You stay hidden until the fight's over. ''[notices Grogu wearing the beskar chainmail suit the Armorer made for him]'' Hey, that's the shirt. You got the shirt.
:'''Motto''': Save your tender moment. We've got a Scorpenek droid chasing us.
:'''Mando''': What is he doing here?
:'''Motto''': The Force works in mysterious ways.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Temuera Morrison|Temuera Morrison]] - Boba Fett
* Ming-Na Wen - Fennec Shand
* [[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Din Djarin AKA The Mandalorian/Mando 
* Matt Berry - 8D8 
* [[w:Emily Swallow|Emily Swallow]] - The Armorer
* Timothy Olyphant - Cobb Vanth
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Peli Motto
* [[w:Rosario Dawson|Rosario Dawson]] - Ahsoka Tano
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|13668894|The Book of Boba Fett}}
* {{official website|https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/the-book-of-boba-fett}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Book of Boba Fett}}
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'''''[[w:The Book of Boba Fett|The Book of Boba Fett]]''''' (2021-) is a space western television series based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, about the adventures of veteran bounty hunter Boba Fett, now a crime lord in the desert planet of Tattooine.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land'' [1.1] ===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Jabba ruled with fear. I intend to rule with respect.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Master Garfalaquox has brought a gift for Boba Fett and is saying something in his language. Boba and Fennec are nodding as if they know what he's saying]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Did you catch any of that?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Something about friendship?
:'''Boba Fett''': We really need a protocol droid.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 presents visitors for Boba Fett but the next ones are two shackled Gamorreans]''
:'''8D8''': These two Gamorreans were once bodyguards to Jabba the Hutt, and later, Bib Fortuna. They did not surrender even after their patron was killed. They were captured alive as a tribute to you, Lord Fett. Their tortured squeals will send a piercing message to all potential challengers to your throne. ''[Gamorreans grunting]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I do not torture.
:'''8D8''': Well, respectfully, Lord Fett, on Tatooine you must project strength if you are to be accepted as a Daimyo.
:'''Fett''': You were loyal to both your bosses. ''[Gamorreans grunt]'' Would you be loyal to me if I were to spare you? ''[Gamorreans squeal and grunt in excitement; to Fennec]'' This is a bad idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and a Rodian have been recaptured by the Tusken Raiders]''
:'''Boba Fett''': We could have both escaped if you didn't sound the alarm. If you kept your snout closed, if we can get to Anchorhead, I can get us off world. I could also strangle you with this ankle chain and feed your leg to the watchdog. ''[Rodian mutters at him]'' Oh, that you understand, huh?

===''Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine'' [1.2]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': I am Boba Fett. I'm here to see the Mayor.
:'''Mok Shaiz' clerk''': &quot;Boba Fett.&quot; Um... Do you have an appointment?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mok Shaiz''': Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Garsa Fwip]'' Mayor Mok Shaiz sent me here as though there's something I should know. ...And now you're sweating like a gumpta on Mustafar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have just stolen a bunch of speeder bikes from a Nikto gang to prepare for ambushing a spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[shooing away Tuskens trying to dismantle the bikes]'' Whoa! These are mine! These are mine, stop! These are mine. I will teach you how to ride. I will teach you. This is how we will stop the train.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett and Fennec Shand force their way to meet Mos Espa Mayor Mok Shaiz]''
:'''Mok Shaiz''': ''[Via interpreter]'' Who is this who enters unannounced?
:'''Boba Fett''': You know damn well who.
:'''Majordomo''': It is the new Daimyo, Boba Fett, Your Excellence.
:'''Fett''': If you do not who know I am, then why did you send this man ''[points to captured assassin]'' to assassinate me?
:'''Majordomo''': I can assure you, the Mayor had nothing...
:'''Mok Shaiz''': He's a member of the Order of the Night Wind.
:'''Fett''': Ah! Then you admit it.
:'''Shaiz''': The Order of the Night Wind are not allowed to operate outside of Hutt Space. Thank you for turning him in. Give this man his reward.
:'''Fett''': I am not a bounty hunter.
:'''Shaiz''': Is that so? I've heard otherwise. I know that you sit on the throne of your former employer.
:'''Fett''': Bib Fortuna was not my employer.
:'''Shaiz''': It was Jabba the Hutt's throne.
:'''Fett''': Yes. And now it is mine. And I will take this payment as what you should have brought me as tribute. You should remember, you serve as long as the Daimyo of Tatooine deem it so.
:'''Shaiz''': ''[rattled]'' Before you threaten me, you should ask yourself, who really sent the Night Wind? I have no motive. As you said, I serve at your pleasure.
:'''Fett''': I am not a fool, Mok Shaiz. And those who thought otherwise no longer draw breath.
:'''Shaiz''': Here is the tribute I offer, some advice. Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.
:'''Fett''': Is that it?
:'''Shaiz''': Go to Garsa's Sanctuary. You'll see what I speak of.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have successfully taken down the Pykes' spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Who's the leader? ''[Pykes point at leader]''
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': Are you going to kill us?
:'''Fett''': That depends on how you answer what I'm about to ask. ''[Tusken Raider talks]'' Are you carrying spice?
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What do you mean by &quot;spice&quot;?
:'''Fett''': Sansanna spice from the slave mines of Kessel. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What does spice look like?
:'''Fett''': Like that. This is not looking good for you.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We thought you were uncivilized raiders. We were trying to protect our route.
:'''Fett''':  These sands are no longer free for you to pass. These people lay ancestral claim to the Dune Sea, and if you are to pass, a toll is to be paid to them. Any death dealt from the passing freighters will be returned ten-fold. Now, go back to your syndicate and present these terms. Your lives are a gesture of our civility. Now walk. Single file, in the direction of the high sun. It will lead you to Anchorhead by sunset if you leave now.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': But we'll be killed.
:'''Fett''': You now travel under the protection of the Tuskens. No harm will come of you. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We will die of thirst without our water car.
:'''Fett''': We will give you each a black melon. You will survive on its milk as these people do. Now go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': I have a gift for you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A gift? Why?
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': You are a good guide. Now this gift will guide you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A lizard? Thank you. I will let it guide me.
:''[the lizard jumps on him and goes up his nose]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm sorry, I think I swallowed it. It's a tricky little bugger.
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': It will guide you from inside your head.

===''Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa'' [1.3]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 briefs Boba Fett about the crime situation in Mos Espa]''
:'''8D8''': After the Sail Barge disaster, there was a power vacuum. Bib Fortuna assumed Jabba's mantle. Under Master Bib's watchful eye, Mos Espa was divided amongst three families. ''[outlines holomap]'' The Trandoshans took the city center. The Aqualish, the Worker's District here. And the Klatooinians, the starport and upper sprawl. Master Bib did not have the power of Jabba, so he relied on uneasy alliances to preserve his tribute and title.
:'''Boba Fett''': All of this while lining the pockets of Mayor Mok Shaiz. Where does that leave us now?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Everyone is waiting to see what kind of leader you are.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Release him. ''[to Krrsantan]'' No hard feelings, it's just business. Take it from an ex-bounty hunter: don't work for scugholes. It's not worth it.

===''Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm'' [1.4]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett has dinner with the crime lords of Tattooine, but they doubt his sincerity]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Why speak of conflict when cooperation can make us all rich?
:'''Aqualish gang leader's translator''': Master Garfalaquox asks what it is that you are proposing.
:'''Fett''': I am proposing that all the families of Mos Espa join in a defensive alliance until the Pyke Syndicate is vanquished.
:'''Klatooinian gang leader''': They have only challenged your territory. Why should we spill the blood of our ranks for a feud waged between you and the Pykes?
:'''Fett''': Yes. Then I will fight these battles alone. I will vanquish these interlopers who threaten our planet. I will make the streets safe again. So all in this room can prosper. All I ask in return is that you remain neutral if the Pyke Syndicate approaches you to betray me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Fennec]'' I want you to help me. Help me recover my Firespray gunship.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': You're a hunter''': 
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm tired of working for idiots who are gonna get me killed. The Tuskens took me in, made me part of their tribe. I was ready to leave hunting behind.
:'''Fennec Shand''': People like us don't get to decide when we're finished.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec presses a button to release a seismic charge]''
:'''Fennec Shand''': Fire in the hole.
:''[the Sarlacc swallows the charge, causing it to then explode]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Next time, don't touch my buttons.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': Living with the Tuskens has made you soft.
:'''Boba Fett''': No, it's made me strong. You can only get far without a tribe.

===''Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian'' [1.5]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': Where is your unlikely companion?
:'''Din Djarin''': I returned him to his own kind.
:'''Peli Motto''': Why the hell would you do that?! I could've made good money off that thing, open a petting zoo!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Jawas bring Din the part he asked for]''
:'''Din Djarin''': That was fast.
:'''Peli Motto''': These critters could find a skud in a krill pond. ''[about the part the Jawas gave Din]'' Will that do?
:'''Din Djarin''': Where did they get a cryogenic density combustion booster?
:'''Peli Motto''': Do you really want to know?
:'''Din Djarin''': Sure.
:''[Peli translates Din's question to the Jawas in Jawaese]''
:'''Peli Motto''': I got it. They said they crawled under a Pyke spice runner and crimped it off while they were refueling.
:'''Din Djarin''': Gusty little fellas.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': You hit this button, you're gonna evacuate your exhaust manifold, if you know what I mean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din pays Peli for his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Mind if I count it? Not that I don't trust you, I just wanna make sure you don't give me too much.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[starts up his new ship]'' Shouldn't we run a diagnostic first?
:'''Peli Motto''': Nah, I can hear her! She's purring! Send her up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din lands his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Whoo! Well? How was it?
:'''Din Djarin''': Wizard.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[to the Klatooinian boss]'' I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Mando has just defeated a Klatooinian abattoir boss and his goons at their office, but faces more workers outside]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Your boss is dead. I'm here to collect on his bounty. I have no trouble with any of you. There's a pile of New Republic credits in there that I have no right to. If you do me the honor of letting me pass, you all can help yourselves to whatever you think you deserve from your former employer. ''[one worker carefully sidesteps from him and heads to the office; the others follow and help themselves to the money as Mando leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Armorer''': What shall I forge?
:'''Din Djarin''': Something for a foundling.
:'''The Armorer''': This is the way.
:'''Din Djarin''': For a specific foundling...Grogu.
:'''The Armorer''': He is no longer in your care. He is with his own kind now.
:'''Din Djarin''': I want to see him, make sure he's safe.
:'''The Armorer''': In order to master the ways of the Force, Jedi must forgo all attachment.
:'''Din Djarin''': That is the opposite of our Creed. Loyalty and solidarity are The Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mando and Paz Viszla face over rights to the Darksaber, and Mando is ready to go for the kill, but...]''
:'''The Armorer''': It is done. Paz Vizsla, have you ever removed your helmet?
:'''Paz Viszla''': No. 
:'''The Armorer''': Has it ever been removed by others? 
:'''Viszla''': Never.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
:'''Viszla''': This is The Way.
:'''The Armorer''': Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet? ''[notices Mando's silence]'' Have you ever removed your helmet? By Creed, you must vow.
:'''Din Djarin''': I have. 
:'''The Armorer''': Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.
:'''Djarin''': I beg you for your forgiveness. How can I atone? 
:'''Viszla''': Leave, apostate.
:'''The Armorer''': According to Creed, one may only be redeemed in the living waters beneath the mines of Mandalore.
:'''Din Djarin''': But the mines have all been destroyed.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec asks Din to join her and Boba, with money to offer him if he says yes]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Tell him it's on the house. But first, I gotta pay a visit to a little friend.

===''Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger'' [1.6]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cobb Vanth''': ''[to Pykes]'' Anyone gets lost running spice through Mos Pelgo again will be lost forever.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': The Pyke Syndicate has been gathering soldiers the last few weeks. Mayor Mok Shaiz is on their payroll and has flown off world, which leads us to believe the storm is about to break.
:'''Majordomo''': It was a scheduled vacation, actually.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[to Luke]'' So much like your father.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' You're trying to hard. Don't try, do.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': I want to tell you about someone you remind me of a great deal. His name was Yoda. He was small like you, but his heart was huge, and the Force was strong in him. He once said to me, &quot;Size matters not.&quot; That's how he talked. He would speak in riddles.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about Grogu]'' You've taught him well.
:'''Luke Skywalker''': It's more like he's remembering than I'm actually teaching him anything.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Sometimes the student guides the master.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': You. I didn't expect to see you here.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about the Skywalkers]'' I'm an old friend of the family.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': I don't understand why you're alright with Skywalker's decision to train the kid when you wouldn't.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Because it was my choice. I don't control the wants of others.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a mysterious red-eyed humanoid alien - Cad Bane - enters Freetown and Cobb Vanth receives him after sending all the residents indoors]''
:'''Cad Bane''': Cobb Vanth.
:'''Cobb Vanth''': And who might you be?
:'''Bane''': Whatever Fett is paying you, we'll match, and all you've got to do is stay put and let things play out.
:'''Deputy''': Hey, the Marshal ain't for sale. ''[Bane raises head to look at them]''
:'''Vanth''': I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
:'''Bane''': I'd be careful where I was sticking my nose if I were you.
:'''Vanth''': Is that friendly advice or a threat?
:'''Bane''': Boba Fett is a cold-blooded killer who worked with the Empire. 
:'''Vanth''': You tell your spice runners Tatooine is closed for business. This planet's seen enough violence.
:'''Bane''': You should've never given up your armor. ''[long pause. Vanth draws but Bane shoots him first in the shoulder then kills the Deputy with three shots]'' Tatooine belongs to the Syndicate. As long as the spice keeps running, everyone will be left alone. ''[holsters weapon and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' The Mandalorian wanted you to have this. ''[shows beskar chainmail suit]'' But before you take it, I will give you a choice. ''[opens box and pulls out a lightsaber]'' This... is a lightsaber. It belonged to my teacher, Master Yoda. And now, I'm offering it to you. But you may choose only one. If you choose the armor, you'll return to your friend, the Mandalorian. However, you will be giving in to attachment to those that you love and forsaking the way of the Jedi. But if you choose the lightsaber, you will be the first student in my academy, and I will train you to be a great Jedi. It will take you many years to master the ways of the Force, and you may never see the Mandalorian again because, Grogu, a short time for you is a lifetime for someone else. ''[Grogu coos]'' Which do you choose?

===''Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor'' [1.7]===
:''[Mok Shaiz's majordomo emerges from the Garsa's Sanctuary ruins offering to negotiate with the Pykes laying siege, with a tablet at hand]''
:'''Majordomo''': Salutations! Salutations! I am unarmed but for this tablet bearing the terms of surrender. I wish to present to whomever spokesperson is empowered to deliberate an acceptable outcome in the eyes of the Oba Diah high council.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it to me, tail-head. 
:'''Majordomo''': Oh, because of the enchanting sobriquet, and one of which I never tire. Yes. Someday I hope to see the fabled Obsidian Cliffs of Oba Diah with my own eyes.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': Agreed. Let us dispense with the pleasantries. ''[Clears throat as he reads tablet]'' &quot;I, Boba Fett, speaking as Daimyo of the Tatooine territories formerly held by Jabba the Hutt, do present the following offer&quot;. ''[looks at the text]'' Perhaps we should discuss what you'd be willing to...
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': &quot;... following offer. Nothing&quot;. Uh... &quot;You will leave this planet and your spice trade. If you refuse these terms... ''[clears throat]'' the arid sands of Tatooine will once again flourish with flowered fields fertilized with the bodies of your dead&quot;. His words.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peli Motto and the droids have extracted Mando and are leading the Pykes' Scorpeneks on a wild goose chase]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Hey, Mando! Look who's here.
:'''Mando''': What? ''[sees Grogu emerge from a sheet]'' Hey, what are you doing here? Oh! Okay, little guy. I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know when I'd see you again. It's okay. Yeah. I missed you too, buddy. But, uh... we're in a bit of a bind here right now. You be careful. You keep your head down. You stay hidden until the fight's over. ''[notices Grogu wearing the beskar chainmail suit the Armorer made for him]'' Hey, that's the shirt. You got the shirt.
:'''Motto''': Save your tender moment. We've got a Scorpenek droid chasing us.
:'''Mando''': What is he doing here?
:'''Motto''': The Force works in mysterious ways.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Temuera Morrison|Temuera Morrison]] - Boba Fett
* Ming-Na Wen - Fennec Shand
* [[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Din Djarin AKA The Mandalorian/Mando 
* Matt Berry - 8D8 
* [[w:Emily Swallow|Emily Swallow]] - The Armorer
* Timothy Olyphant - Cobb Vanth
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Peli Motto
* [[w:Rosario Dawson|Rosario Dawson]] - Ahsoka Tano
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|13668894|The Book of Boba Fett}}
* {{official website|https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/the-book-of-boba-fett}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Book of Boba Fett}}
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Star Wars]]
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'''''[[w:The Book of Boba Fett|The Book of Boba Fett]]''''' (2021-) is a space western television series based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, about the adventures of veteran bounty hunter Boba Fett, now a crime lord in the desert planet of Tattooine.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land'' [1.1] ===
:''[8D8 presents visitors for Boba Fett but the next ones are two shackled Gamorreans]''
:'''8D8''': These two Gamorreans were once bodyguards to Jabba the Hutt, and later, Bib Fortuna. They did not surrender even after their patron was killed. They were captured alive as a tribute to you, Lord Fett. Their tortured squeals will send a piercing message to all potential challengers to your throne. ''[Gamorreans grunting]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I do not torture.
:'''8D8''': Well, respectfully, Lord Fett, on Tatooine you must project strength if you are to be accepted as a Daimyo.
:'''Fett''': You were loyal to both your bosses. ''[Gamorreans grunt]'' Would you be loyal to me if I were to spare you? ''[Gamorreans squeal and grunt in excitement; to Fennec]'' This is a bad idea.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and a Rodian have been recaptured by the Tusken Raiders]''
:'''Boba Fett''': We could have both escaped if you didn't sound the alarm. If you kept your snout closed, if we can get to Anchorhead, I can get us off world. I could also strangle you with this ankle chain and feed your leg to the watchdog. ''[Rodian mutters at him]'' Oh, that you understand, huh?
===''Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine'' [1.2]===
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have just stolen a bunch of speeder bikes from a Nikto gang to prepare for ambushing a spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[shooing away Tuskens trying to dismantle the bikes]'' Whoa! These are mine! These are mine, stop! These are mine. I will teach you how to ride. I will teach you. This is how we will stop the train.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett and Fennec Shand force their way to meet Mos Espa Mayor Mok Shaiz]''
:'''Mok Shaiz''': ''[Via interpreter]'' Who is this who enters unannounced?
:'''Boba Fett''': You know damn well who.
:'''Majordomo''': It is the new Daimyo, Boba Fett, Your Excellence.
:'''Fett''': If you do not who know I am, then why did you send this man ''[points to captured assassin]'' to assassinate me?
:'''Majordomo''': I can assure you, the Mayor had nothing...
:'''Mok Shaiz''': He's a member of the Order of the Night Wind.
:'''Fett''': Ah! Then you admit it.
:'''Shaiz''': The Order of the Night Wind are not allowed to operate outside of Hutt Space. Thank you for turning him in. Give this man his reward.
:'''Fett''': I am not a bounty hunter.
:'''Shaiz''': Is that so? I've heard otherwise. I know that you sit on the throne of your former employer.
:'''Fett''': Bib Fortuna was not my employer.
:'''Shaiz''': It was Jabba the Hutt's throne.
:'''Fett''': Yes. And now it is mine. And I will take this payment as what you should have brought me as tribute. You should remember, you serve as long as the Daimyo of Tatooine deem it so.
:'''Shaiz''': ''[rattled]'' Before you threaten me, you should ask yourself, who really sent the Night Wind? I have no motive. As you said, I serve at your pleasure.
:'''Fett''': I am not a fool, Mok Shaiz. And those who thought otherwise no longer draw breath.
:'''Shaiz''': Here is the tribute I offer, some advice. Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.
:'''Fett''': Is that it?
:'''Shaiz''': Go to Garsa's Sanctuary. You'll see what I speak of.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have successfully taken down the Pykes' spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Who's the leader? ''[Pykes point at leader]''
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': Are you going to kill us?
:'''Fett''': That depends on how you answer what I'm about to ask. ''[Tusken Raider talks]'' Are you carrying spice?
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What do you mean by &quot;spice&quot;?
:'''Fett''': Sansanna spice from the slave mines of Kessel. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What does spice look like?
:'''Fett''': Like that. This is not looking good for you.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We thought you were uncivilized raiders. We were trying to protect our route.
:'''Fett''':  These sands are no longer free for you to pass. These people lay ancestral claim to the Dune Sea, and if you are to pass, a toll is to be paid to them. Any death dealt from the passing freighters will be returned ten-fold. Now, go back to your syndicate and present these terms. Your lives are a gesture of our civility. Now walk. Single file, in the direction of the high sun. It will lead you to Anchorhead by sunset if you leave now.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': But we'll be killed.
:'''Fett''': You now travel under the protection of the Tuskens. No harm will come of you. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We will die of thirst without our water car.
:'''Fett''': We will give you each a black melon. You will survive on its milk as these people do. Now go.

===''Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa'' [1.3]===
:''[8D8 briefs Boba Fett about the crime situation in Mos Espa]''
:'''8D8''': After the Sail Barge disaster, there was a power vacuum. Bib Fortuna assumed Jabba's mantle. Under Master Bib's watchful eye, Mos Espa was divided amongst three families. ''[outlines holomap]'' The Trandoshans took the city center. The Aqualish, the Worker's District here. And the Klatooinians, the starport and upper sprawl. Master Bib did not have the power of Jabba, so he relied on uneasy alliances to preserve his tribute and title.
:'''Boba Fett''': All of this while lining the pockets of Mayor Mok Shaiz. Where does that leave us now?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Everyone is waiting to see what kind of leader you are.

===''Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm'' [1.4]===
:''[Boba Fett has dinner with the crime lords of Tattooine, but they doubt his sincerity]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Why speak of conflict when cooperation can make us all rich?
:'''Aqualish gang leader's translator''': Master Garfalaquox asks what it is that you are proposing.
:'''Fett''': I am proposing that all the families of Mos Espa join in a defensive alliance until the Pyke Syndicate is vanquished.
:'''Klatooinian gang leader''': They have only challenged your territory. Why should we spill the blood of our ranks for a feud waged between you and the Pykes?
:'''Fett''': Yes. Then I will fight these battles alone. I will vanquish these interlopers who threaten our planet. I will make the streets safe again. So all in this room can prosper. All I ask in return is that you remain neutral if the Pyke Syndicate approaches you to betray me.

===''Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian'' [1.5]===
:''[Mando has just defeated a Klatooinian abattoir boss and his goons at their office, but faces more workers outside]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Your boss is dead. I'm here to collect on his bounty. I have no trouble with any of you. There's a pile of New Republic credits in there that I have no right to. If you do me the honor of letting me pass, you all can help yourselves to whatever you think you deserve from your former employer. ''[one worker carefully sidesteps from him and heads to the office; the others follow and help themselves to the money as Mando leaves]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mando and Paz Viszla face over rights to the Darksaber, and Mando is ready to go for the kill, but...]''
:'''The Armorer''': It is done. Paz Vizsla, have you ever removed your helmet?
:'''Paz Viszla''': No. 
:'''The Armorer''': Has it ever been removed by others? 
:'''Viszla''': Never.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
:'''Viszla''': This is The Way.
:'''The Armorer''': Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet? ''[notices Mando's silence]'' Have you ever removed your helmet? By Creed, you must vow.
:'''Din Djarin''': I have. 
:'''The Armorer''': Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.
:'''Djarin''': I beg you for your forgiveness. How can I atone? 
:'''Viszla''': Leave, apostate.
:'''The Armorer''': According to Creed, one may only be redeemed in the living waters beneath the mines of Mandalore.
:'''Din Djarin''': But the mines have all been destroyed.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
===''Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger'' [1.6]===
:''[a mysterious red-eyed humanoid alien - Cad Bane - enters Freetown and Cobb Vanth receives him after sending all the residents indoors]''
:'''Cad Bane''': Cobb Vanth.
:'''Cobb Vanth''': And who might you be?
:'''Bane''': Whatever Fett is paying you, we'll match, and all you've got to do is stay put and let things play out.
:'''Deputy''': Hey, the Marshal ain't for sale. ''[Bane raises head to look at them]''
:'''Vanth''': I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
:'''Bane''': I'd be careful where I was sticking my nose if I were you.
:'''Vanth''': Is that friendly advice or a threat?
:'''Bane''': Boba Fett is a cold-blooded killer who worked with the Empire. 
:'''Vanth''': You tell your spice runners Tatooine is closed for business. This planet's seen enough violence.
:'''Bane''': You should've never given up your armor. ''[long pause. Vanth draws but Bane shoots him first in the shoulder then kills the Deputy with three shots]'' Tatooine belongs to the Syndicate. As long as the spice keeps running, everyone will be left alone. ''[holsters weapon and walks away]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luke talks to Grogu]''
:'''Luke Skywalker''': The Mandalorian wanted you to have this. ''[shows beskar chainmail suit]'' But before you take it, I will give you a choice. ''[opens box and pulls out a lightsaber]'' This... is a lightsaber. It belonged to my teacher, Master Yoda. And now, I'm offering it to you. But you may choose only one. If you choose the armor, you'll return to your friend, the Mandalorian. However, you will be giving in to attachment to those that you love and forsaking the way of the Jedi. But if you choose the lightsaber, you will be the first student in my academy, and I will train you to be a great Jedi. It will take you many years to master the ways of the Force, and you may never see the Mandalorian again because, Grogu, a short time for you is a lifetime for someone else. ''[Grogu coos]'' Which do you choose?
===''Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor'' [1.7]===
:''[Mok Shaiz's majordomo emerges from the Garsa's Sanctuary ruins offering to negotiate with the Pykes laying siege, with a tablet at hand]''
:'''Majordomo''': Salutations! Salutations! I am unarmed but for this tablet bearing the terms of surrender. I wish to present to whomever spokesperson is empowered to deliberate an acceptable outcome in the eyes of the Oba Diah high council.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it to me, tail-head. 
:'''Majordomo''': Oh, because of the enchanting sobriquet, and one of which I never tire. Yes. Someday I hope to see the fabled Obsidian Cliffs of Oba Diah with my own eyes.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': Agreed. Let us dispense with the pleasantries. ''[Clears throat as he reads tablet]'' &quot;I, Boba Fett, speaking as Daimyo of the Tatooine territories formerly held by Jabba the Hutt, do present the following offer&quot;. ''[looks at the text]'' Perhaps we should discuss what you'd be willing to...
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': &quot;... following offer. Nothing&quot;. Uh... &quot;You will leave this planet and your spice trade. If you refuse these terms... ''[clears throat]'' the arid sands of Tatooine will once again flourish with flowered fields fertilized with the bodies of your dead&quot;. His words.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peli Motto and the droids have extracted Mando and are leading the Pykes' Scorpeneks on a wild goose chase]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Hey, Mando! Look who's here.
:'''Mando''': What? ''[sees Grogu emerge from a sheet]'' Hey, what are you doing here? Oh! Okay, little guy. I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know when I'd see you again. It's okay. Yeah. I missed you too, buddy. But, uh... we're in a bit of a bind here right now. You be careful. You keep your head down. You stay hidden until the fight's over. ''[notices Grogu wearing the beskar chainmail suit the Armorer made for him]'' Hey, that's the shirt. You got the shirt.
:'''Motto''': Save your tender moment. We've got a Scorpenek droid chasing us.
:'''Mando''': What is he doing here?
:'''Motto''': The Force works in mysterious ways.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Temuera Morrison|Temuera Morrison]] - Boba Fett
* Ming-Na Wen - Fennec Shand
* [[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Din Djarin AKA The Mandalorian/Mando 
* Matt Berry - 8D8 
* [[w:Emily Swallow|Emily Swallow]] - The Armorer
* Timothy Olyphant - Cobb Vanth
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Peli Motto
* [[w:Rosario Dawson|Rosario Dawson]] - Ahsoka Tano
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|13668894|The Book of Boba Fett}}
* {{official website|https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/the-book-of-boba-fett}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Book of Boba Fett}}
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'''''[[w:The Book of Boba Fett|The Book of Boba Fett]]''''' (2021-) is a space western television series based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, about the adventures of veteran bounty hunter Boba Fett, now a crime lord in the desert planet of Tattooine.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter 1: Stranger in a Strange Land'' [1.1] ===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Jabba ruled with fear. I intend to rule with respect.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Master Garfalaquox has brought a gift for Boba Fett and is saying something in his language. Boba and Fennec are nodding as if they know what he's saying]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Did you catch any of that?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Something about friendship?
:'''Boba Fett''': We really need a protocol droid.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 presents visitors for Boba Fett but the next ones are two shackled Gamorreans]''
:'''8D8''': These two Gamorreans were once bodyguards to Jabba the Hutt, and later, Bib Fortuna. They did not surrender even after their patron was killed. They were captured alive as a tribute to you, Lord Fett. Their tortured squeals will send a piercing message to all potential challengers to your throne. ''[Gamorreans grunting]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I do not torture.
:'''8D8''': Well, respectfully, Lord Fett, on Tatooine you must project strength if you are to be accepted as a Daimyo.
:'''Fett''': You were loyal to both your bosses. ''[Gamorreans grunt]'' Would you be loyal to me if I were to spare you? ''[Gamorreans squeal and grunt in excitement; to Fennec]'' This is a bad idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and a Rodian have been recaptured by the Tusken Raiders]''
:'''Boba Fett''': We could have both escaped if you didn't sound the alarm. If you kept your snout closed, if we can get to Anchorhead, I can get us off world. I could also strangle you with this ankle chain and feed your leg to the watchdog. ''[Rodian mutters at him]'' Oh, that you understand, huh?

===''Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine'' [1.2]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': I am Boba Fett. I'm here to see the Mayor.
:'''Mok Shaiz' clerk''': &quot;Boba Fett.&quot; Um... Do you have an appointment?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mok Shaiz''': Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Garsa Fwip]'' Mayor Mok Shaiz sent me here as though there's something I should know. ...And now you're sweating like a gumpta on Mustafar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have just stolen a bunch of speeder bikes from a Nikto gang to prepare for ambushing a spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[shooing away Tuskens trying to dismantle the bikes]'' Whoa! These are mine! These are mine, stop! These are mine. I will teach you how to ride. I will teach you. This is how we will stop the train.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett and Fennec Shand force their way to meet Mos Espa Mayor Mok Shaiz]''
:'''Mok Shaiz''': ''[Via interpreter]'' Who is this who enters unannounced?
:'''Boba Fett''': You know damn well who.
:'''Majordomo''': It is the new Daimyo, Boba Fett, Your Excellence.
:'''Fett''': If you do not who know I am, then why did you send this man ''[points to captured assassin]'' to assassinate me?
:'''Majordomo''': I can assure you, the Mayor had nothing...
:'''Mok Shaiz''': He's a member of the Order of the Night Wind.
:'''Fett''': Ah! Then you admit it.
:'''Shaiz''': The Order of the Night Wind are not allowed to operate outside of Hutt Space. Thank you for turning him in. Give this man his reward.
:'''Fett''': I am not a bounty hunter.
:'''Shaiz''': Is that so? I've heard otherwise. I know that you sit on the throne of your former employer.
:'''Fett''': Bib Fortuna was not my employer.
:'''Shaiz''': It was Jabba the Hutt's throne.
:'''Fett''': Yes. And now it is mine. And I will take this payment as what you should have brought me as tribute. You should remember, you serve as long as the Daimyo of Tatooine deem it so.
:'''Shaiz''': ''[rattled]'' Before you threaten me, you should ask yourself, who really sent the Night Wind? I have no motive. As you said, I serve at your pleasure.
:'''Fett''': I am not a fool, Mok Shaiz. And those who thought otherwise no longer draw breath.
:'''Shaiz''': Here is the tribute I offer, some advice. Running a family is more complicated than bounty hunting.
:'''Fett''': Is that it?
:'''Shaiz''': Go to Garsa's Sanctuary. You'll see what I speak of.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[flashback: Fett and the Tusken Raiders have successfully taken down the Pykes' spice train]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Who's the leader? ''[Pykes point at leader]''
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': Are you going to kill us?
:'''Fett''': That depends on how you answer what I'm about to ask. ''[Tusken Raider talks]'' Are you carrying spice?
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What do you mean by &quot;spice&quot;?
:'''Fett''': Sansanna spice from the slave mines of Kessel. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': What does spice look like?
:'''Fett''': Like that. This is not looking good for you.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We thought you were uncivilized raiders. We were trying to protect our route.
:'''Fett''':  These sands are no longer free for you to pass. These people lay ancestral claim to the Dune Sea, and if you are to pass, a toll is to be paid to them. Any death dealt from the passing freighters will be returned ten-fold. Now, go back to your syndicate and present these terms. Your lives are a gesture of our civility. Now walk. Single file, in the direction of the high sun. It will lead you to Anchorhead by sunset if you leave now.
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': But we'll be killed.
:'''Fett''': You now travel under the protection of the Tuskens. No harm will come of you. 
:'''Pyke Syndicate Leader''': We will die of thirst without our water car.
:'''Fett''': We will give you each a black melon. You will survive on its milk as these people do. Now go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': I have a gift for you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A gift? Why?
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': You are a good guide. Now this gift will guide you.
:'''Boba Fett''': A lizard? Thank you. I will let it guide me.
:''[the lizard jumps on him and goes up his nose]''
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm sorry, I think I swallowed it. It's a tricky little bugger.
:'''Tusken Raider Chieftain''': It will guide you from inside your head.

===''Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa'' [1.3]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[8D8 briefs Boba Fett about the crime situation in Mos Espa]''
:'''8D8''': After the Sail Barge disaster, there was a power vacuum. Bib Fortuna assumed Jabba's mantle. Under Master Bib's watchful eye, Mos Espa was divided amongst three families. ''[outlines holomap]'' The Trandoshans took the city center. The Aqualish, the Worker's District here. And the Klatooinians, the starport and upper sprawl. Master Bib did not have the power of Jabba, so he relied on uneasy alliances to preserve his tribute and title.
:'''Boba Fett''': All of this while lining the pockets of Mayor Mok Shaiz. Where does that leave us now?
:'''Fennec Shand''': Everyone is waiting to see what kind of leader you are.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': Release him. ''[to Krrsantan]'' No hard feelings, it's just business. Take it from an ex-bounty hunter: don't work for scugholes. It's not worth it.

===''Chapter 4: The Gathering Storm'' [1.4]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Boba Fett has dinner with the crime lords of Tattooine, but they doubt his sincerity]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Why speak of conflict when cooperation can make us all rich?
:'''Aqualish gang leader's translator''': Master Garfalaquox asks what it is that you are proposing.
:'''Fett''': I am proposing that all the families of Mos Espa join in a defensive alliance until the Pyke Syndicate is vanquished.
:'''Klatooinian gang leader''': They have only challenged your territory. Why should we spill the blood of our ranks for a feud waged between you and the Pykes?
:'''Fett''': Yes. Then I will fight these battles alone. I will vanquish these interlopers who threaten our planet. I will make the streets safe again. So all in this room can prosper. All I ask in return is that you remain neutral if the Pyke Syndicate approaches you to betray me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boba Fett''': ''[to Fennec]'' I want you to help me. Help me recover my Firespray gunship.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': You're a hunter''': 
:'''Boba Fett''': I'm tired of working for idiots who are gonna get me killed. The Tuskens took me in, made me part of their tribe. I was ready to leave hunting behind.
:'''Fennec Shand''': People like us don't get to decide when we're finished.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec presses a button to release a seismic charge]''
:'''Fennec Shand''': Fire in the hole.
:''[the Sarlacc swallows the charge, causing it to then explode]''
:'''Boba Fett''': Next time, don't touch my buttons.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': Living with the Tuskens has made you soft.
:'''Boba Fett''': No, it's made me strong. You can only get far without a tribe.

===''Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian'' [1.5]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': Where is your unlikely companion?
:'''Din Djarin''': I returned him to his own kind.
:'''Peli Motto''': Why the hell would you do that?! I could've made good money off that thing, open a petting zoo!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Jawas bring Din the part he asked for]''
:'''Din Djarin''': That was fast.
:'''Peli Motto''': These critters could find a skud in a krill pond. ''[about the part the Jawas gave Din]'' Will that do?
:'''Din Djarin''': Where did they get a cryogenic density combustion booster?
:'''Peli Motto''': Do you really want to know?
:'''Din Djarin''': Sure.
:''[Peli translates Din's question to the Jawas in Jawaese]''
:'''Peli Motto''': I got it. They said they crawled under a Pyke spice runner and crimped it off while they were refueling.
:'''Din Djarin''': Gusty little fellas.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Peli Motto''': You hit this button, you're gonna evacuate your exhaust manifold, if you know what I mean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din pays Peli for his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Mind if I count it? Not that I don't trust you, I just wanna make sure you don't give me too much.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[starts up his new ship]'' Shouldn't we run a diagnostic first?
:'''Peli Motto''': Nah, I can hear her! She's purring! Send her up!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Din lands his new ship]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Whoo! Well? How was it?
:'''Din Djarin''': Wizard.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': ''[to the Klatooinian boss]'' I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Mando has just defeated a Klatooinian abattoir boss and his goons at their office, but faces more workers outside]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Your boss is dead. I'm here to collect on his bounty. I have no trouble with any of you. There's a pile of New Republic credits in there that I have no right to. If you do me the honor of letting me pass, you all can help yourselves to whatever you think you deserve from your former employer. ''[one worker carefully sidesteps from him and heads to the office; the others follow and help themselves to the money as Mando leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Armorer''': What shall I forge?
:'''Din Djarin''': Something for a foundling.
:'''The Armorer''': This is the way.
:'''Din Djarin''': For a specific foundling...Grogu.
:'''The Armorer''': He is no longer in your care. He is with his own kind now.
:'''Din Djarin''': I want to see him, make sure he's safe.
:'''The Armorer''': In order to master the ways of the Force, Jedi must forgo all attachment.
:'''Din Djarin''': That is the opposite of our Creed. Loyalty and solidarity are The Way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mando and Paz Viszla face over rights to the Darksaber, and Mando is ready to go for the kill, but...]''
:'''The Armorer''': It is done. Paz Vizsla, have you ever removed your helmet?
:'''Paz Viszla''': No. 
:'''The Armorer''': Has it ever been removed by others? 
:'''Viszla''': Never.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.
:'''Viszla''': This is The Way.
:'''The Armorer''': Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet? ''[notices Mando's silence]'' Have you ever removed your helmet? By Creed, you must vow.
:'''Din Djarin''': I have. 
:'''The Armorer''': Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.
:'''Djarin''': I beg you for your forgiveness. How can I atone? 
:'''Viszla''': Leave, apostate.
:'''The Armorer''': According to Creed, one may only be redeemed in the living waters beneath the mines of Mandalore.
:'''Din Djarin''': But the mines have all been destroyed.
:'''The Armorer''': This is The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fennec asks Din to join her and Boba, with money to offer him if he says yes]''
:'''Din Djarin''': Tell him it's on the house. But first, I gotta pay a visit to a little friend.

===''Chapter 6: From the Desert Comes a Stranger'' [1.6]===

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cobb Vanth''': ''[to Pykes]'' Anyone gets lost running spice through Mos Pelgo again will be lost forever.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fennec Shand''': The Pyke Syndicate has been gathering soldiers the last few weeks. Mayor Mok Shaiz is on their payroll and has flown off world, which leads us to believe the storm is about to break.
:'''Majordomo''': It was a scheduled vacation, actually.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[to Luke]'' So much like your father.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' You're trying to hard. Don't try, do.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': I want to tell you about someone you remind me of a great deal. His name was Yoda. He was small like you, but his heart was huge, and the Force was strong in him. He once said to me, &quot;Size matters not.&quot; That's how he talked. He would speak in riddles.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about Grogu]'' You've taught him well.
:'''Luke Skywalker''': It's more like he's remembering than I'm actually teaching him anything.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Sometimes the student guides the master.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': You. I didn't expect to see you here.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': ''[about the Skywalkers]'' I'm an old friend of the family.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Din Djarin''': I don't understand why you're alright with Skywalker's decision to train the kid when you wouldn't.
:'''Ahsoka Tano''': Because it was my choice. I don't control the wants of others.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a mysterious red-eyed humanoid alien - Cad Bane - enters Freetown and Cobb Vanth receives him after sending all the residents indoors]''
:'''Cad Bane''': Cobb Vanth.
:'''Cobb Vanth''': And who might you be?
:'''Bane''': Whatever Fett is paying you, we'll match, and all you've got to do is stay put and let things play out.
:'''Deputy''': Hey, the Marshal ain't for sale. ''[Bane raises head to look at them]''
:'''Vanth''': I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
:'''Bane''': I'd be careful where I was sticking my nose if I were you.
:'''Vanth''': Is that friendly advice or a threat?
:'''Bane''': Boba Fett is a cold-blooded killer who worked with the Empire. 
:'''Vanth''': You tell your spice runners Tatooine is closed for business. This planet's seen enough violence.
:'''Bane''': You should've never given up your armor. ''[long pause. Vanth draws but Bane shoots him first in the shoulder then kills the Deputy with three shots]'' Tatooine belongs to the Syndicate. As long as the spice keeps running, everyone will be left alone. ''[holsters weapon and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke Skywalker''': ''[to Grogu]'' The Mandalorian wanted you to have this. ''[shows beskar chainmail suit]'' But before you take it, I will give you a choice. ''[opens box and pulls out a lightsaber]'' This... is a lightsaber. It belonged to my teacher, Master Yoda. And now, I'm offering it to you. But you may choose only one. If you choose the armor, you'll return to your friend, the Mandalorian. However, you will be giving in to attachment to those that you love and forsaking the way of the Jedi. But if you choose the lightsaber, you will be the first student in my academy, and I will train you to be a great Jedi. It will take you many years to master the ways of the Force, and you may never see the Mandalorian again because, Grogu, a short time for you is a lifetime for someone else. ''[Grogu coos]'' Which do you choose?

===''Chapter 7: In the Name of Honor'' [1.7]===
:''[Mok Shaiz's majordomo emerges from the Garsa's Sanctuary ruins offering to negotiate with the Pykes laying siege, with a tablet at hand]''
:'''Majordomo''': Salutations! Salutations! I am unarmed but for this tablet bearing the terms of surrender. I wish to present to whomever spokesperson is empowered to deliberate an acceptable outcome in the eyes of the Oba Diah high council.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it to me, tail-head. 
:'''Majordomo''': Oh, because of the enchanting sobriquet, and one of which I never tire. Yes. Someday I hope to see the fabled Obsidian Cliffs of Oba Diah with my own eyes.
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': Agreed. Let us dispense with the pleasantries. ''[Clears throat as he reads tablet]'' &quot;I, Boba Fett, speaking as Daimyo of the Tatooine territories formerly held by Jabba the Hutt, do present the following offer&quot;. ''[looks at the text]'' Perhaps we should discuss what you'd be willing to...
:'''Pyke Syndicate leader''': Read it.
:'''Majordomo''': &quot;... following offer. Nothing&quot;. Uh... &quot;You will leave this planet and your spice trade. If you refuse these terms... ''[clears throat]'' the arid sands of Tatooine will once again flourish with flowered fields fertilized with the bodies of your dead&quot;. His words.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Peli Motto and the droids have extracted Mando and are leading the Pykes' Scorpeneks on a wild goose chase]''
:'''Peli Motto''': Hey, Mando! Look who's here.
:'''Mando''': What? ''[sees Grogu emerge from a sheet]'' Hey, what are you doing here? Oh! Okay, little guy. I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know when I'd see you again. It's okay. Yeah. I missed you too, buddy. But, uh... we're in a bit of a bind here right now. You be careful. You keep your head down. You stay hidden until the fight's over. ''[notices Grogu wearing the beskar chainmail suit the Armorer made for him]'' Hey, that's the shirt. You got the shirt.
:'''Motto''': Save your tender moment. We've got a Scorpenek droid chasing us.
:'''Mando''': What is he doing here?
:'''Motto''': The Force works in mysterious ways.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Temuera Morrison|Temuera Morrison]] - Boba Fett
* Ming-Na Wen - Fennec Shand
* [[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Din Djarin AKA The Mandalorian/Mando 
* Matt Berry - 8D8 
* [[w:Emily Swallow|Emily Swallow]] - The Armorer
* Timothy Olyphant - Cobb Vanth
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Peli Motto
* [[w:Rosario Dawson|Rosario Dawson]] - Ahsoka Tano
* [[w:Mark Hamill|Mark Hamill]] - Luke Skywalker

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|13668894|The Book of Boba Fett}}
* {{official website|https://disneyplusoriginals.disney.com/show/the-book-of-boba-fett}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Book of Boba Fett}}
[[Category:Current shows]]
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    <title>The Last Ship</title>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:06:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>16205</id>
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      <comment>/* Season 2 */ ep 2 to 5</comment>
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'''''[[w:The_Last_Ship_(TV_series)|The Last Ship]]''''' (2014-2018) is an American action drama television series formerly airing on TNT, based on a book of the same name by William Brinkley. The plot revolves around the crew of the US Navy destroyer ''USS Nathan James'' as they struggle to survive in a pandemic-hit world.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Phase Six'' [1.1] ===
:''[Commander Chandler is livid that Dr Scott has not been honest about her work in the Arctic despite having fought off an attack by Russian forces]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': ''[grabs Scott's biosamples case]'' I swear to God, I will throw this overboard! I want answers!
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': You want answers? Seven months ago, outside Cairo, there was an outbreak-- a virus of unknown origin. Its genetic structure was like nothing any of us had ever seen. It swept throughout the village, killing everyone that it infected. Egyptian officials claimed the outbreak was contained, but it wasn't. Instead, it continued to mutate and spread. The CDC and the WHO wanted to sample the virus from the victims to create a vaccine. But nothing worked. It was my belief that we needed to find the primordial strain here in the Arctic.
:'''Chandler''': The birds.
:'''Scott''': They're just the carriers. They pick up the virus from the melting permafrost. We finally found their feeding ground.
:'''Chandler''': So you have what you need to stop this thing?
:'''Scott''': I won't know until we get it back to the lab. We're running out of time. The virus back home is moving quicker than any of us could've imagined.
:'''Chandler''': How would you know that? We've been radio silent since we left Norfolk.
:'''Scott''':  Because I have my own sat phone.
:'''Chandler''': We were at EMCON so no one would know our position!
:'''Scott''': We were at EMCON to protect my mission... Not yours. Orders came from the White House.
:'''Chandler''': Well, you led the Russians right to us and endangered my entire crew.
:'''Scott''': It was imperative that I stay in contact with the labs back home to keep them informed of my progress. I don't think you understand what we're talking about here.
:'''Chandler''': Enlighten me.
:'''Scott''': When we left Norfolk, the virus was at Phase Two, limited to small clusters in Asia and Africa. We are now at Phase Six-- global pandemic. 80% of the world's population is infected. The world is sick, Captain Chandler... Very sick.
:'''Chandler''': Are you telling me the whole world is dying, and they send two people to save it?
:'''Scott''': It took weeks to convince the government to even send me here. Most of my colleagues think that I'm insane.
:'''Chandler''': Are you?
:'''Scott''': I told you... that what's in that case... might be the only hope that we have.

=== ''Welcome to Gitmo'' [1.2]===
:''[having secured Guantanamo Bay of the former Al-Qaeda prisoners]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I don't know how you feel about the water... but we sure could use your services.
:'''Tex Nolan''': Where you headed?
:'''Chandler''': We got some things to do, but when we're done, we're going home.
:'''Nolan''': Yeah, I'll sign up for that.

===''Dead Reckoning'' [1.3]=== 
:''[Commander Chandler talks to Doctor Scott about Admiral Ruskov's demands]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Who else has been working on a vaccine?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''':  What, in the world? Everyone.
:'''Chandler''':  What about the Russians? Were they close?
:'''Scott''': I mean, nobody was making any real progress. And I hate to say it, but they're probably all dead anyway. Why?
:'''Chandler''': If somebody had the primordial strain of the virus, the stuff you found in the ice, could they make a vaccine?
:'''Scott''': I suppose, if they had the right equipment and someone qualified to run it. But they'd be months behind us.

===''We'll Get There'' [1.4]=== 
:''[Flashback to Commander Chandler's preparations to leave for the Arctic deployment]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Darien, I'm not going to the Med. Navy's sending us to the Arctic.
:'''Darien Chandler''': The Arctic? That's crazy.
:'''Tom''': Some cold-weather test on a new weapon system. It's all classified. It's happening very fast. We're gonna be at complete radio silence. No e-mails, no calls.
:'''Darien''': For how long?
:'''Tom''': Six months, maybe five.
:'''Darien''': Figures.
:'''Tom''': It's my last tour for a while. Then I'll be around the house so much, you'll be sick of me, I promise.

===''El Toro'' [1.5]=== 
:''[The team has been caught by el Toro's men]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I'm guessing you must be El Toro.
:'''El Toro''': I am, indeed. And who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
:'''Chandler''': Tom Chandler, U.S. Navy. Your men took our weapons, CBR suits, and equipment. We're gonna need 'em back.
:'''El Toro''': You won't need your suits. There is no virus here. As for your weapons, I cannot have your men walking around with machine guns. That would frighten my people.
:'''Chandler''': Well, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. The remainder of my crew, some 200-odd U.S. Navy sailors, await our return aboard our destroyer, U.S.S. Nathan James, currently in the bay at the mouth of the river. We don't return by 2300 hours, they'll come looking. And rest assured, they will find us.

===''Lockdown'' [1.6]=== 
:''[Chandler talks to the crew over the PA after Dr Scott shows him some prototypes of a Red Flu vaccine]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Good evening, Nathan James. This is the captain. I wanted to inform you all of our progress in the mission. As you know, a small team entered Nicaragua to find primates for Dr. Scott's test, which she hopes will be a vaccine against the virus. While there, we encountered a drug lord who enslaved 150 people. We eliminated his men and we eliminated him, freeing those healthy people there to establish a life for themselves. We also encountered several dozen infected people, including children. Yesterday, we couldn't help them. But perhaps tomorrow, we will be able to, because we came back to the Nathan James with 34 monkeys. Dr. Scott will now conduct her trials on those monkeys. But we... We are not waiting. We're setting a course for home. By the time we get there, we believe Dr. Scott will have a vaccine, and our mission will be completed. Today's a good day. Carry on. 

===''SOS'' [1.7]=== 
:''[Flashback to Oslo, Norway, six months before the outbreak]''
:'''Niels Sorensen''': I don't understand why you won't listen to me. It's a splice overlap PCR reaction with an immune-modulatory gene. It will help the body identify the virus and create antibodies.
:'''Professor Lindblom''': Yes, yes. You are young and have a bright career ahead. And don't waste your time with schoolboy science fiction.
:'''Sorensen''': The virus is spreading. There are cases being reported beyond the Middle East. It will be in Oslo by winter. It is deadly and will likely mutate. We...
:'''Lindblom''': Niels. I am well aware of what's at stake. But what you are proposing is too dangerous. The Australians tried it on mouse pox. It was a complete disaster.
:'''Sorensen''': I've already done the experiment.
:'''Lindblom''': What?
:'''Sorensen''': On myself.
:'''Lindblom''': While you were gone. And it worked.
:'''Sorensen''': You are mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm still here.
:'''Sorensen''': Absolutely mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm perfectly healthy. Professor Lindblom, please.
:'''Sorensen''': You stay away from my lab. You hear me? I am finished with you! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lindblom''': Professor..

===''Two Sailors Walk Into a Bar...'' [1.8]===
:''[The Russians have captured Commander Chandler and brought him to Admiral Ruskov aboard the Vyerni]''
:'''ADM Konstantin Ruskov''': I'd like to treat you with the respect your rank affords, but you are going to have to meet me halfway. Now, tell me of Dr. Scott's progress with the vaccine. She's close, right?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
:'''Ruskov''': There is no need for that. The Geneva Convention doesn't exist anymore. Hell, ''Geneva'' doesn't exist anymore! ''[laughs]'' Ah... Still won't talk? See, I told you. He would rather go it alone and die than share in the glory of saving the world. Why else would you, the ship's captain, personally lead the mission to save some poor island girl? Like with all tragic heroes, your hubris brought about your downfall. What do you have to say to that, Commander Chandler?
:'''Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
 
===''Trials'' [1.9]===
:''[CMC Jeter remembers PO Cossetti]''
:'''Command Master Chief Russ Jeter''': The ceremony will be at 0900. We'll have seven guns and the ensigns at half-mast. It'll be a hero's farewell. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': He wanted to redeem himself. 
:'''Jeter''': He never had to. 
:'''Chandler''': He gave his life for mine.
:'''Jeter''': He gave his life for the mission. And now we're free...
:'''Chandler''': To finish it.

===''No Place Like Home'' [1.10]=== 
:''[After seeing that USAMRIID's biological facility has been destroyed, the crew suddenly receives a call from the still-functioning local government]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': This is Tom Chandler, commanding officer of the USS Nathan James, over.
:'''Amy Granderson''': Captain Chandler. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. We thought you were lost at sea.
:'''Chandler''': No, ma'am, we're alive and well.
:'''Granderson''': Oh! There you are. I got it. You must be nearby. I'm Amy Granderson. And I suppose an explanation is in order. As vice-chair of the President's defense policy board, I was briefed on your mission to the Arctic. I knew the risks of the coming pandemic, and I had my daughter transferred to your ship. You must forgive me.
:'''Chandler''': No apology needed, ma'am. Your daughter's been an incredible asset. Pleased to hear from you. We had no word from the presidential bunker.
:'''Granderson''': President Geller invited me underground. I declined. I-I felt the risk was too big to have so much of our civilian and military command in one confined space. Unfortunately, I was right.
:'''Chandler''': So the government is gone.
:'''Granderson''': For the most part, yes. Since the bunker went silent, there has been a breakdown of infrastructure, general panic, and, of course, a tremendous loss of life. I have tried to execute a contingency plan working with the state and local police to create safe zones. We have been hanging on as best we can. And I have been praying every day for your return.

==Season 2==
===''Unreal City'' [2.1]===
:''[Dr Scott is trying to talk to Am Granderson]''
:'''Amy Granderson''': We have successfully taken control of the Nathan James. My people are collecting all your work as we speak. Now, with your research and your samples, Dr. Hamada and his team will eventually learn to make the cure themselves. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just agreed to work together?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Work together? What, on your Darwinian experiment? Save those that you deem worthy and, what, just forget the rest?
:'''Granderson''': Perhaps I was overzealous in... &quot;barbarians at the gate,&quot; I believe, is what you called them. Doctor, I watched a grown man b*at a 12-year-old boy to death over a gas mask. I saw a woman stab her sister in the back for a can of beans. The apocalypse is here. It's been here for a long time. But I am willing to adjust my philosophy to suit your sensibilities if you just help me get the lab up and running.
:'''Scott''': What about the captain? And my friends?
:'''Granderson''': The best thing you can do for your friends is to let them know you've decided to cooperate with me. That will end this foolish bloodshed.
:'''Scott''':You say you'll help everyone?
:'''Granderson''':I will.
:'''Scott''': Well, then, prove it.
:'''Granderson''': And how do you suggest I do that?
:'''Scott''': You're wasting doses here on healthy people. Let me out into the street with what I have left... save people who are already sick. What, you think I'm gonna try to escape?
:'''Granderson''':think it's silly. And given the state of the world, I think it's small.
 
===''Fight the Ship'' [2.2]===
:''[Mike Slattery addresses the people of Baltimore]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Attention people of Baltimore. USS Nathan James is back under the control of her crew. This ship is now engaged in the fight to free Baltimore and spread the cure for the Red Flu to all of its citizens. This message goes out to Amy Granderson and all those loyal to her. Nathan James has been liberated and has joined the fight against you. We demand your immediate surrender. Lay down your arms... or be subject to the full force of the United States Navy.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James crew and Thorwald's men have gained the upper hand at Avocet and Granderson is cornered trying to escape]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': There are 200 more where I came from. You heard my X.O. We've taken back our ship, this building is ours, and we're telling the people of Baltimore that your kill zone at Olympia is out of business. You have two choices... a trial... or a funeral.
:'''Amy Granderson''': ''[to bodyguard]'' I gave you a direct order. Shoot! ''[bodyguard wavers and stands down]''
:'''Bodyguard''': I am not going anywhere with you.
:'''Chandler''': I found your daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, shot by your guards, under your order! My children were lined up to be murdered and sent to the ovens, along with thousands of desperate people... all so you can keep the lights on for your select few.
:'''Granderson''': You don't know! The virus was spreading! So you get to decide who lives and who dies?! There was panic, Captain, and I remained calm. Everybody was fleeing underground, but I stood firm! There was no plan and I built this. I'm the reason these people have survived this long.
:'''Chandler''': Except when you had the cure in hand, you wouldn't stop! You continued killing. It's over. Your grand social experiment is history. I'm offering you the chance. Surrender with honor.
:'''Granderson''': And who will judge me? You?
:'''Chandler''': Not me. A jury of your peers. Pick up the radio. Stand down your troopers. Shut down Olympia. Turn away your helo and come peacefully. It's the only way for you now.
:'''Granderson''': Th-this is Amy... This is Amy Granderson. Stand down. Cease and desist all operations at Olympia. Repeat... stand down. We are surrendering. ''[Radio clatters]'' I am not a monster. I am not. ''[brings out vial and swallows]'' Dr. Hamada assured me that the cocktail provided a quick and painless death. I insisted on it.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.3]===
:''[The Nathan James study all material recovered from the White House and play a video file labelled SECNAV]''
:'''[[Ray Mabus]]''': ''[on video]'' Is this on? Can I start now?
:'''Man''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission...
:'''CMC Russ Jeter''': It's the secretary of the Navy. 
:'''Mabus''': ...to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the current deadly pandemic. Now, if y... you're viewing this video, you are a part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign nations which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine in the event their mission is successful. In order to protect the security of the labs in the new network, your locations have been kept secret. However, you'll be able to communicate with the civilian command, with each other via secure satellite connection. The codes for that connection have been embedded within the drive that contains this video. These codes have to be guarded at all cost. If... if and when a vaccine arrives...
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': No one's decoded this yet?
:'''Lt Kara Foster''': No, sir. We didn't know those encryptions existed until just now.
:'''Chandler''': Find me those labs. Do it quickly.
:'''Foster''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Mabus''': Godspeed. 

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.4]===
:''[a SEAL operator talks to the Nathan James crew about the situation in Norfolk]''
:'''Damon''': Me and my team were stationed up in Little Creek. When shit went down, we went inland. We only made it back here a few weeks ago. We got 34 military personnel in town as far as we can tell... some Army, some Marines, but mostly Navy.
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Our intel says there's a biosafety Level IV lab on base here.
:'''Damon''': There was, but the equipment got moved someplace and no one here can tell us where. We've been trying to divide the city into sectors, impose a level of control. We got people holed up in different safe houses... school gym, supermarkets, some of them even running on diesel generators. I don't know if we found them all yet, but we're still in the process of clearing the city. 
:'''Slattery''': My people are about to head out there soon, try to find their families. Any information I can give them ahead of time will be much appreciated.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a cabin in Florida, a man addresses a group of people who applaud at every line he says]''
:'''Man''': And let me tell you something else... we are more than just survivors! We are more than our grief, we are more than our loss, and we are more than our pain! Yeah. We were spared for a reason. We were spared because we were put on this earth to do something more! We were spared because we're special... because we are the rightful inheritors of the earth. This is our destiny... because we are the chosen! We are the chosen! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jed Chandler notices his son Thomas throwing out the garbage]''
:'''Jed Chandler''': Gonna be puttering around all day?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Just getting the place in order.
:'''Jed''': ''[sighs]'' Well, I thought you might just be procrastinating... 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting. Do you not realize that they... that they can't do it without you? What kind of message are you gonna send to them, that you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm? You think because you got a... a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand? The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do.
:'''Tom''': And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me.
:'''Jed''': They need you.
:'''Tom''': And they don't? ''[referring to Ashley and Sam]'' And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?
:'''Jed''': You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind? Huh? During World War II, English naval captains put their wives and children in bunkers in London and went back out to sea... to fight the Nazis for years.
:'''Tom''': Wives and children, Dad. ''The wives were there.''
:'''Jed''': ''[remembers what happened to Darien]'' I know you, and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town. So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself. There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your Ark.

===''Solace'' [2.5]===
:''[Dr Rachel Scott makes another audio tape entry]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Hope. Such a rarified concept these days. High in demand... ''[sighs]'' And short in supply. I'm enjoying recording these logs again. Until recently, I had given up on them. With no connection to the outside world, they were serving as little more than just a diary. But now with the satellite network up and running, they have become my trusty carrier pigeons. I am happy to report that the cure has landed safely in labs across the country and in Europe, and I am on my way to you, Dr. Hunter, my friend, my mentor. We'll be stopping first in Savannah to set up a lab there, before heading down to you in Florida with the cure. As promised, I am uploading my data to the secured satellite, and I would love for you to take a look at the work we've done, and get your thoughts on faster methods for replication. Because time, as you well know, is of the essence, and millions still continue to live at risk. So take of yourself, old friend, and I'll be seeing you shortly.

===''Valkyrie'' [2.11]===
:''[The Nathan James receives a strange broadcast amidst distress calls from New Orleans]''
:'''Sean Ramsey''': People of the surrounding area, my name is Sean Ramsey. I'm a lieutenant commander in the British Royal Navy. I came here as an ally of your United States Navy, but that was before I learned the truth. About the secret lab experiments, the release of the deadly virus by your military, and the subsequent government cover-up. By now, many of you will have seen the horrible video captured by witnesses on the scene. The US Navy ship that attacked New Orleans harbor was flying the American flag, but it doesn't represent you good people. That ship is a key part of a larger conspiracy to take over this country, and it won't be stopped until you are dead and a new world order is established. I know it's heartbreaking and Difficult to believe. But soon, you will have more evidence of the US Navy's role in creating the deadly virus. That is why we have created this mobile network to get out the truth... I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We Brits have not forgotten our special relationship with America... And to the captain of the USS Nathan James, who has kidnapped the American president and wreaked havoc on this great nation, hear this. We are coming for you. You cannot hide from justice. No matter where you go, there will be no safe harbor.

===''A More Perfect Union'' [2.13]===
:''[President Michener makes a video message]''
:'''US President Jeffrey Michener''': This is President Jeffrey Michener addressing all Americans from the Navy ship the USS Nathan James, which is now entering the heart of this great nation, the Mississippi river. We are survivors of this great plague, just as you are. We have struggled, just as you have, and we still have great hope in the future, just as you do. I know that you've stayed alive this long by isolating yourselves... And your families, that many of you have been living in fear, Fear of the virus, fear of each other... Fear of the unknown. There have been people out there who have taken advantage of that. Despicable rumors and misleading videos have been broadcast from this network, lies designed to manipulate you, to make you believe that this ship and the people on it are your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men and women on this ship are some of the bravest, noblest that I have ever met, and it is an outrage that their commitment to bring all of us the cure has been undermined by those who thrive on your fear. I can tell you now that we do have the cure for the Red Flu. Attached to this message is video footage where you can see for yourself our doctor attending and curing patients sick with the virus. It is our mission now to spread this cure to as many of you as we can. At noon tomorrow, the 18th, we expect to land at the docks in Vicksburg, where we will remain in port for six hours. On the 20th, we'll arrive in Tennessee. We have made contact with a few brave citizens at the college of Memphis. Our team will meet people there at 9:00 A.M., again, for a period of six hours. We'll end our journey at 10:00 A.M. the following day, the 21st, at the port of St. Louis. It's time to turn the tide and the bloodshed, put the past behind us, and heal this great nation, all of us together. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Scott is heading back to her room, but encounters a strange man]''
:'''Man''': Hi. Are you the lady who made the cure?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Yes. 
:'''Man''': Can I get it?
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, weren't you in the park earlier?
:'''Man''': No. I missed the party.
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, with so many people exposed, it's likely you caught it just walking into the hotel.
:'''Man''': Still, I'd like to get it from you... ''[walks closer]'' For history and all. How close do you have to be?
:'''Dr Scott''': Uh... That's close enough.
:'''Man''': Yeah. I think so. ''Sic semper tyrannis! [pulls out pistol and shoots Scott, then leaves her dead]''

==Season 5==
===''Casus Belli'' [5.1]===
:''[Admiral Chandler lectures in the US Naval Academy about the Peloponnesian War]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is how war begins. Athens and Sparta fought during a plague which wiped out much of the population. - Sound familiar? But the war brought only more death and destruction because people let their fear, their honor, their interest cloud their judgment. The Peloponnesian War may be ancient history, but its lessons are not. You here will be the first graduating class of midshipmen to enter the Navy since our own troubles ended just three years ago. We're in a time of peace, but peace doesn't keep itself. Ours is a small navy, which means... your importance to the mission is even larger. And you will take the lessons from history, both ancient and very recent, with you as you enter service. When you put on the uniform, you can't let your fear or your pride or your selfish interest lead you astray, or people die. We have to think differently because we are different. We are warriors.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tavo Barros makes a speech in the wake of the Fleet Week sneak attack]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': I will now speak directly to our enemies in a language they can understand. Americans, you are on notice. The people of Central and South America are united! We will no longer cower in fear of your big stick. For you do not offer us protection, but enslavement. Today marks the beginning of a new equilibrium. Gran Colombia will no longer sit at the children's table of international politics. It is our turn! Be warned. If the United States wants a fight, you will lose. For in the words of [[Simón Bolívar]], a people who love their freedom will, in the end, be free. And we are united... as a continent... to fight for that freedom. We are one nation under God! ''La Gran Colombia! Al Norte!''

===''Fog of War'' [5.2]===
:''[Commander Green address the Nathan James crew]''
:'''CDR Kara Foster-Green''': Many of you here are new to the Navy... new to this ship. Some of you, we've been here before. Either way, what happened in Mayport is not something you ever get used to. It hurts. And it was meant to hurt. That's what our enemy wanted to do. And today, he succeeded. It caught us off guard, sent a powerful message, trying to shake our resolve. But a war isn't lost because we're hurt. For over three years, the United States Navy has built, sustained, and protected its war-fighting culture. This attack doesn't change that. In fact, it will once again bring out the best in us. Our enemies have underestimated us. And if you doubt that, look back at the past few years. Look at the people who've been on this ship. When trouble arises, we have proven time and time again, no matter the enemy, no matter the odds, one ship can do it. This ship can do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Admiral Chandler summons to USSOUTHCOM a USNA midshipman who submitted a term paper to him about a future cyberattack]''
:'''Midshipman Clayton Swain''': Admiral Chandler?
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': Mr. Swain, before the planes came, the US was the victim of a cyberattack. It killed our satellites, shut down our anti-access and area denial systems, and destroyed weapons control on all our networked assets... ships, tanks, planes, helos, Aegis, and missile silos. 
:'''Swain''': Whoa. 
:'''Chandler''': Your theory was correct. Grab your things and come with me. You're gonna be here awhile. Do you need to call anyone?
:'''Swain''': I forgot to ask. 
:'''Chandler''':Are you married? Do you live with your folks?
:'''Swain''': No, sir. I'm not married, and, uh, my parents died in the plague.
:'''Chandler''': Right.
:'''Swain''': You wrote that U.S. military installations were extremely vulnerable to cyberattacks.
:'''Chandler''': That was my conclusion, sir. It had to do with the number of nodes and the redundancies...
:'''Swain''':  I need you to find the virus, where it came from, and how to get rid of it. You'll be working with Commander Granderson. Good luck, Mr. Swain.
:'''Chandler''': Oh. Raise your right hand. POTUS usually does this, but he's not here, so... Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
:'''Swain''': I do. 
:'''Chandler''': Congratulations, ''Ensign'' Swain. You are now a member of the United States Navy. Get to work.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[US SOUTHCOM and Admiral Chandler is informed of a call from the Nathan James broadcast in the clear
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This isn't a secure channel, Mike. 
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Yeah, I know. I finally got around to reading your favorite book. You got your copy handy?
:'''Chandler''': Hold on. Ensign Swain, do you have your copy of &quot;Moby-Dick&quot;? 
:'''ENS Clayton Swain''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Turn to page 366, nine paragraphs down. Last words.
:'''Chandler''': Working on it.
:'''Slattery''': This is how we're gonna have to communicate for the time being.
:'''Chandler''': Understood. Smart play, Mike. Well? What's the message?
:'''Swain''': &quot;Fit for a fight.&quot;
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Tom, is the message clear?
:'''Chandler''': Yes, it is. We read you loud and clear.
:'''Slattery''': We'll be in touch.

===''El Puente'' [5.3]===
:''[A spitball incident in the Nathan James mess hall between the Cuban and Mexican envoys gets too personal and the crew tries hard to separate them]''
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Now, you listen to me. You and your men are gonna cut this shit out, you're gonna bury the hatchet. you're gonna make a deal, or I promise you, you will be swimming home. Escort them to the wardroom. Move! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James successfully fights off a Gran Colombian airstrike]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is Nathan James, calling Gustavo Barros. We just took out your airwing, and you didn't lay a glove on us. And you can mark that up along with your Corvette. Payback for Mayport. You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You know why? Because you can't. And now Mexico and Cuba have joined the fight. So this message goes out to all of Central and South America. There is a choice now. Join us. Send Gustavo back into the dirt hole he crawled out of. We fight for peace. But make no mistake... we will fight. And this ship and this crew? They're damn good at it. So, Gustavo... come at us again. I dare you. This is Nathan James. Out. ''[to bridge crew]'' Now, they know who we are, where we are. Let's be ready for what they throw at us. 
:'''Bridge crew''': Aye, sir.
:'''Chandler''' Nobody's talking about going home now. It's a good day.

===''Tropic of Cancer'' [5.4]===
:''[Alisha Granderson has figured out that the Fleet Week cyberattack was attributed to Kelsi visiting her in the office two days before - and confronts her at home]''
:'''CDR Alisha Granderson''': I didn't want to believe it. All those questions. &quot;Is Nathan James okay?&quot; &quot;Is Tom Chandler alive?&quot; &quot;Tell me, tell, me, tell me.&quot; You used me as a weapon. How long?
:'''Kelsi Baker''': Since before we met.
:'''Granderson''': Why? How?!
:'''Baker''': It was my duty. Surely, you can understand that.
:'''Granderson''': You're insane.
:'''Baker''': I'm insane? No. Insane is believing in lies and closing your eyes to the truth. Insane is having blind faith in a corrupt power structure. No, we need... What the people yearn for is an awakening. Have you heard Tavo speak? Have you heard his message? &quot;The first step towards tyranny&quot; &quot;is to believe&quot; &quot;the government will take care of everything.&quot;
:'''Granderson''': Kelsi, did I mean nothing to you?
:'''Baker''': Oh, I did care about you, Alisha. You should know that. And for awhile there, I thought I loved you, but... you and me, what we are... That doesn't even matter. Not now.

===''Warriors'' [5.5]===
:''[As Vulture team tries to hide in a Jamaican rum cellar from Gran Colombia invasion forces, Chandler talks to war strategist Dr Manuel Montano]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I was gonna wait till we were on the flight home, but it looks like we got a couple minutes, so let's take some time. You're the architect of Gustavo's war machine. What's the sequel to Plan Azul? Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas?
:'''Dr Manuel Montano''': I fight for the Latin American people. So that we will no longer be dependent on the whims of the north.
:'''Chandler''': Now you sound like your boss.
:'''Montano''': You're a man of war, Admiral. And a professor, as I understand. You tell me... how many invasions, bombs, coups, CIA black ops, and other interventions does it take before people push back?
:'''Chandler''': America's not your enemy.
:'''Montano''': America is a continent, not a country, Admiral. Learn that... maybe you'll understand La Revolución. Gustavo's not a revolutionary. He's not fighting to right old wrongs.
:'''Chandler''': He's a strong man and an opportunist, and he's killing more of your people than ours. 
:'''Montano''': I did not say I support Gustavo.
:'''Chandler''': You're not in Jamaica guarding Gustavo's secrets. You're running away.
:'''Montano''': Yes, Admiral.
:'''Chandler''': In another of the great post-plague ironies, one of the great strategists of war has become a pacifist.
:'''Montano''': The first time I heard him speak was in his home town. A little place called Rubi. He was a man of humble beginnings, speaking of hope, belonging... Listening to Tavo was a revelation. He put words to the pain and the shame of the South American experience... all we'd been feeling for so long. The plans we made together were going to do great good.
:'''Chandler''': So what changed?
:'''Montano''': Tavo changed.
:'''Chandler''': Or he stopped hiding his true intentions.
:'''Montano''': And it wasn't just rebels being killed, it was whole villages... anyone who fed into Tavo's paranoia. You can only see a child be burned alive so many times before you question your part in it all.
:'''Chandler''': You know his next moves. Help me stop him, help me end this.
:'''Montano''': If I help you, will that save my nation?
:'''Chandler''': If you don't, will your nation still be worth saving?
:'''Montano''': If I join you... I'm still an instrument of death. The only difference is the person delivering it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback to a scene at the Chandler home. Admiral Chandler is in a heated argument with daughter Ashley]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I just don't know what it is you're telling me. What are you telling me? ''[Ashley walks off]'' Get back here, I'm talking to you! Come back here, I'm talking to you. 
:'''Ashley Chandler''': Mom knew it, too! She knew you hated being home. You were never happy unless you were on your damn ship!
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry I'm the one you got stuck with. I'm sorry your mom died!
:'''Ashley''': And you weren't here.
:'''Tom''': Ashley. Ashley....
:'''Ashley''': You don't belong here. You belong out there.

===''Air Drop'' [5.6]===
:''[Gustavo Barros is interviewed]''
:'''Reporter''': I'm curious if your thinking has changed or if you regret starting a war with the United States.
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': We didn't start this war.
:'''Reporter''': You sank a US fleet in Mayport on the very day that your loyalists murder the duly-elected leader of Panama. That sounds textbook.
:'''Barros''': Mayport wasn't an attack, nor was it the beginning. You're young, but smart enough to know the US's history of murder and political insurrection in Latin America. [[w:1954 Guatemalan coup d'état|Guatemala '54]], [[w:Bay of Pigs invasion|Cuba '61]], [[w:Dominican Civil War|D.R. '65]], [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|Chile '73]], [[w:United_States_and_state-sponsored_terrorism|Nicaragua '82]], [[w:United_States_invasion_of_Grenada|Grenada '83]]. This war is a battle for the survival of the people of Gran Colombia. 
:'''Reporter''': So, is this your justification for the forced conscription, the purges, the death squads?
:'''Barros''': Where do you get this information from?
:'''Reporter''': Several accounts from defectors...
:'''Barros''': Defectors from what? Our borders are not closed. People are free to come and go as they wish.
:'''Reporter''': Their accounts are remarkably consistent.
:'''Barros''': This isn't a war of public opinion. This is about taking a fresh look at the world... Post-virus, post-famine. It's about adjusting the balance. United States have been bullies for too long. This movement is a rebirth. Take your camera and your notepad and go to the countryside. Go to the cities of Central and South America and see the pride in people's faces. Freedom from tyranny is what they demanded. And it's what I'm giving them. And I'm inviting the people of all of the Americas to join.

===''Courage'' [5.9]===
:''[General Hector Martinez is summoned along with the entire Gran Colombia high command to dinner with President Barros, but when he notices that the other generals are absent...]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Bad news, Hector. The generals? They were plotting against me.
:'''General Hector Martinez''': Who, Tavo?
:'''Barros''': Eat, Hector. Gazpacho shouldn't be allowed to warm to room temperature. It's good.
:'''Martinez''': There must be a mistake. You're telling me there was a coup amongst my generals?
:'''Barros''': ''Your'' generals? I hope they aren't your generals, Hector. No. They're cowards. And I warned you against them. 
:'''Martinez''': ''[Spanish]'' Are you sure? I've known these men a very long time. I would have heard something.
:'''Barros''': There is no mistake, Hector.
:'''Martinez''': So you have proof?
:'''Barros''': Conchita saw it. In the cards.
:'''Martinez''': Tavo. We cannot play with men's lives. These cards cannot always be trusted.
:'''Barros''': They confessed. Chacon, Bianchi, Rodriguez, Munos, Moreno. Every single one of them.
:'''Martinez''': Oh, my God.
:'''Barros''': But it doesn't matter, not really. All I wanted to know... the only thing I asked them before I removed their intestines was, did Hector know? Of course, none of them gave you up. But they gave each other up real quick. But you? Not you. Then I started feeling bad. For doubting you. ''[sees Maza distraught]'' It's... it's okay.
:'''Martinez''': No, no, no, no. With all the pressure from the war, I've...
:'''Barros''': I know I've gone a little crazy. And I'm sorry about that.
:'''Martinez''': You don't have to apologize, Tavo. I support you. Always.
:'''Barros''': Of course you do. Of course, I know. That is why I want you to lead the investigation to see just how far down this conspiracy goes. I want it torn out by the roots!
:'''Martinez''': ''Sí'', Tavo. I will handle it personally. Like always.
:'''Barros''': Like always. Conchita. ''[Conchita leaves]'' Hector, my friend. My brother. ''[Barros' bodyguard suddenly stabs Martinez]'' If you're gonna stab a man in the back, the least that you can do is look him in the eye!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nina talks to Admiral Chandler about the war film showing for the sailors and Marines on the eve of the Gran Colombia invasion]''
:'''Nina Garside''': Guess Gator's got the right idea. Try and keep their minds off things, even just for a few hours. So, tell me, Admiral. What's going through your head on the night before D-Day?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Nathan James.
:'''Garside''': The ship?
:'''Chandler''': The sailor. Ship's namesake. Captain Nathan James skippered a PT boat during the war in the Pacific. His fleet was decimated. His boat was all that was left standing against nine Japanese destroyers. The boat sank beneath him. Not before he stopped the enemy's advance. He single-handedly saved a fleet of newly-repaired American destroyers coming out of Pearl Harbor carrying thousands of sailors into the fight. Captain James said, &quot;war is a beast.&quot; It appears in many forms. Sometimes it's the beast you face head on, out on the field of battle. As equals. Sometimes the beast hides out. Lurking somewhere in the deep, biding its time &quot;until, when your guard is dropped, it comes for you.&quot; &quot;Bloodthirsty and merciless.&quot; &quot;And it drags you under. On any given day, you never know which beast you're gonna face.&quot; 
:'''Garside''': Which beast is it for you, Admiral?

===''Commitment'' [5.10]===
:''[Sasha Cooper and Danny Green have cornered Gustavo Barros]''
:'''Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Where is he... Tom Chandler? Where is he? 
:'''Danny Green''': He couldn't be bothered. 
:'''Sasha Cooper''': The war's over. Your army surrendered. Your turn.
:'''Tavo''': I will only surrender to Tom Chandler, soldier to soldier.
:'''Green''': We'll send your regards. Get on the floor. Now. ''[shoots Tavo when he tries to reach for a pistol; as he dies] Viva Tavo.''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Nathan James is destroyed, Admiral Chandler is in a near-death dream sequence where he witnesses footage of himself being relieved of command in front of the crew]''
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': I'm proud to honor you today for your service to the U.S. Navy, our great nation, and the world. Captain Chandler, are you ready to be relieved of command?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Who am I passing off command to?
:'''Commander Alicia Granderson''': We have the watch, sir. 
:''[band plays Adagio for Strings as certain people stand up]''
:'''Captain Andrea Garnett''': We have the watch. 
:'''LTJG Will Mason''': We have the watch. 
:'''Petty Officer Cosetti''': We have the watch. 
:'''Lieutenant Commander Barker''': We have the watch. 
:'''Chief Hospital Corpsman Doc Rios''': We have the watch. 
:'''Commander Carlton Burk''': We have the watch, sir. 
:'''Admiral Joseph Meylan''': Bosun, stand by to pipe the side. Shipmates going ashore. ''[everybody stands up]''
:'''President Michener''': It's time, pal. God bless you and God bless America.

== Cast ==
* Eric Dane - CDR/CAPT/ADM Thomas Chandler, USN 
* Rhona Mitra - Dr Rachel Scott
* Adam Baldwin - CDR/CAPT/ADM Mike Slattery, USN

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Last Ship (TV series)}} 
* {{imdb title|2402207|The Last Ship TV series}}
* {{official website|http://www.thelastshiptnt.com/}}

[[Category:2010s American drama TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:The_Last_Ship_(TV_series)|The Last Ship]]''''' (2014-2018) is an American action drama television series formerly airing on TNT, based on a book of the same name by William Brinkley. The plot revolves around the crew of the US Navy destroyer ''USS Nathan James'' as they struggle to survive in a pandemic-hit world.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Phase Six'' [1.1] ===
:''[Commander Chandler is livid that Dr Scott has not been honest about her work in the Arctic despite having fought off an attack by Russian forces]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': ''[grabs Scott's biosamples case]'' I swear to God, I will throw this overboard! I want answers!
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': You want answers? Seven months ago, outside Cairo, there was an outbreak-- a virus of unknown origin. Its genetic structure was like nothing any of us had ever seen. It swept throughout the village, killing everyone that it infected. Egyptian officials claimed the outbreak was contained, but it wasn't. Instead, it continued to mutate and spread. The CDC and the WHO wanted to sample the virus from the victims to create a vaccine. But nothing worked. It was my belief that we needed to find the primordial strain here in the Arctic.
:'''Chandler''': The birds.
:'''Scott''': They're just the carriers. They pick up the virus from the melting permafrost. We finally found their feeding ground.
:'''Chandler''': So you have what you need to stop this thing?
:'''Scott''': I won't know until we get it back to the lab. We're running out of time. The virus back home is moving quicker than any of us could've imagined.
:'''Chandler''': How would you know that? We've been radio silent since we left Norfolk.
:'''Scott''':  Because I have my own sat phone.
:'''Chandler''': We were at EMCON so no one would know our position!
:'''Scott''': We were at EMCON to protect my mission... Not yours. Orders came from the White House.
:'''Chandler''': Well, you led the Russians right to us and endangered my entire crew.
:'''Scott''': It was imperative that I stay in contact with the labs back home to keep them informed of my progress. I don't think you understand what we're talking about here.
:'''Chandler''': Enlighten me.
:'''Scott''': When we left Norfolk, the virus was at Phase Two, limited to small clusters in Asia and Africa. We are now at Phase Six-- global pandemic. 80% of the world's population is infected. The world is sick, Captain Chandler... Very sick.
:'''Chandler''': Are you telling me the whole world is dying, and they send two people to save it?
:'''Scott''': It took weeks to convince the government to even send me here. Most of my colleagues think that I'm insane.
:'''Chandler''': Are you?
:'''Scott''': I told you... that what's in that case... might be the only hope that we have.

=== ''Welcome to Gitmo'' [1.2]===
:''[having secured Guantanamo Bay of the former Al-Qaeda prisoners]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I don't know how you feel about the water... but we sure could use your services.
:'''Tex Nolan''': Where you headed?
:'''Chandler''': We got some things to do, but when we're done, we're going home.
:'''Nolan''': Yeah, I'll sign up for that.

===''Dead Reckoning'' [1.3]=== 
:''[Commander Chandler talks to Doctor Scott about Admiral Ruskov's demands]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Who else has been working on a vaccine?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''':  What, in the world? Everyone.
:'''Chandler''':  What about the Russians? Were they close?
:'''Scott''': I mean, nobody was making any real progress. And I hate to say it, but they're probably all dead anyway. Why?
:'''Chandler''': If somebody had the primordial strain of the virus, the stuff you found in the ice, could they make a vaccine?
:'''Scott''': I suppose, if they had the right equipment and someone qualified to run it. But they'd be months behind us.

===''We'll Get There'' [1.4]=== 
:''[Flashback to Commander Chandler's preparations to leave for the Arctic deployment]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Darien, I'm not going to the Med. Navy's sending us to the Arctic.
:'''Darien Chandler''': The Arctic? That's crazy.
:'''Tom''': Some cold-weather test on a new weapon system. It's all classified. It's happening very fast. We're gonna be at complete radio silence. No e-mails, no calls.
:'''Darien''': For how long?
:'''Tom''': Six months, maybe five.
:'''Darien''': Figures.
:'''Tom''': It's my last tour for a while. Then I'll be around the house so much, you'll be sick of me, I promise.

===''El Toro'' [1.5]=== 
:''[The team has been caught by el Toro's men]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I'm guessing you must be El Toro.
:'''El Toro''': I am, indeed. And who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
:'''Chandler''': Tom Chandler, U.S. Navy. Your men took our weapons, CBR suits, and equipment. We're gonna need 'em back.
:'''El Toro''': You won't need your suits. There is no virus here. As for your weapons, I cannot have your men walking around with machine guns. That would frighten my people.
:'''Chandler''': Well, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. The remainder of my crew, some 200-odd U.S. Navy sailors, await our return aboard our destroyer, U.S.S. Nathan James, currently in the bay at the mouth of the river. We don't return by 2300 hours, they'll come looking. And rest assured, they will find us.

===''Lockdown'' [1.6]=== 
:''[Chandler talks to the crew over the PA after Dr Scott shows him some prototypes of a Red Flu vaccine]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Good evening, Nathan James. This is the captain. I wanted to inform you all of our progress in the mission. As you know, a small team entered Nicaragua to find primates for Dr. Scott's test, which she hopes will be a vaccine against the virus. While there, we encountered a drug lord who enslaved 150 people. We eliminated his men and we eliminated him, freeing those healthy people there to establish a life for themselves. We also encountered several dozen infected people, including children. Yesterday, we couldn't help them. But perhaps tomorrow, we will be able to, because we came back to the Nathan James with 34 monkeys. Dr. Scott will now conduct her trials on those monkeys. But we... We are not waiting. We're setting a course for home. By the time we get there, we believe Dr. Scott will have a vaccine, and our mission will be completed. Today's a good day. Carry on. 

===''SOS'' [1.7]=== 
:''[Flashback to Oslo, Norway, six months before the outbreak]''
:'''Niels Sorensen''': I don't understand why you won't listen to me. It's a splice overlap PCR reaction with an immune-modulatory gene. It will help the body identify the virus and create antibodies.
:'''Professor Lindblom''': Yes, yes. You are young and have a bright career ahead. And don't waste your time with schoolboy science fiction.
:'''Sorensen''': The virus is spreading. There are cases being reported beyond the Middle East. It will be in Oslo by winter. It is deadly and will likely mutate. We...
:'''Lindblom''': Niels. I am well aware of what's at stake. But what you are proposing is too dangerous. The Australians tried it on mouse pox. It was a complete disaster.
:'''Sorensen''': I've already done the experiment.
:'''Lindblom''': What?
:'''Sorensen''': On myself.
:'''Lindblom''': While you were gone. And it worked.
:'''Sorensen''': You are mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm still here.
:'''Sorensen''': Absolutely mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm perfectly healthy. Professor Lindblom, please.
:'''Sorensen''': You stay away from my lab. You hear me? I am finished with you! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lindblom''': Professor..

===''Two Sailors Walk Into a Bar...'' [1.8]===
:''[The Russians have captured Commander Chandler and brought him to Admiral Ruskov aboard the Vyerni]''
:'''ADM Konstantin Ruskov''': I'd like to treat you with the respect your rank affords, but you are going to have to meet me halfway. Now, tell me of Dr. Scott's progress with the vaccine. She's close, right?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
:'''Ruskov''': There is no need for that. The Geneva Convention doesn't exist anymore. Hell, ''Geneva'' doesn't exist anymore! ''[laughs]'' Ah... Still won't talk? See, I told you. He would rather go it alone and die than share in the glory of saving the world. Why else would you, the ship's captain, personally lead the mission to save some poor island girl? Like with all tragic heroes, your hubris brought about your downfall. What do you have to say to that, Commander Chandler?
:'''Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
 
===''Trials'' [1.9]===
:''[CMC Jeter remembers PO Cossetti]''
:'''Command Master Chief Russ Jeter''': The ceremony will be at 0900. We'll have seven guns and the ensigns at half-mast. It'll be a hero's farewell. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': He wanted to redeem himself. 
:'''Jeter''': He never had to. 
:'''Chandler''': He gave his life for mine.
:'''Jeter''': He gave his life for the mission. And now we're free...
:'''Chandler''': To finish it.

===''No Place Like Home'' [1.10]=== 
:''[After seeing that USAMRIID's biological facility has been destroyed, the crew suddenly receives a call from the still-functioning local government]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': This is Tom Chandler, commanding officer of the USS Nathan James, over.
:'''Amy Granderson''': Captain Chandler. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. We thought you were lost at sea.
:'''Chandler''': No, ma'am, we're alive and well.
:'''Granderson''': Oh! There you are. I got it. You must be nearby. I'm Amy Granderson. And I suppose an explanation is in order. As vice-chair of the President's defense policy board, I was briefed on your mission to the Arctic. I knew the risks of the coming pandemic, and I had my daughter transferred to your ship. You must forgive me.
:'''Chandler''': No apology needed, ma'am. Your daughter's been an incredible asset. Pleased to hear from you. We had no word from the presidential bunker.
:'''Granderson''': President Geller invited me underground. I declined. I-I felt the risk was too big to have so much of our civilian and military command in one confined space. Unfortunately, I was right.
:'''Chandler''': So the government is gone.
:'''Granderson''': For the most part, yes. Since the bunker went silent, there has been a breakdown of infrastructure, general panic, and, of course, a tremendous loss of life. I have tried to execute a contingency plan working with the state and local police to create safe zones. We have been hanging on as best we can. And I have been praying every day for your return.

==Season 2==
===''Unreal City'' [2.1]===
:''[Dr Scott is trying to talk to Am Granderson]''
:'''Amy Granderson''': We have successfully taken control of the Nathan James. My people are collecting all your work as we speak. Now, with your research and your samples, Dr. Hamada and his team will eventually learn to make the cure themselves. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just agreed to work together?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Work together? What, on your Darwinian experiment? Save those that you deem worthy and, what, just forget the rest?
:'''Granderson''': Perhaps I was overzealous in... &quot;barbarians at the gate,&quot; I believe, is what you called them. Doctor, I watched a grown man b*at a 12-year-old boy to death over a gas mask. I saw a woman stab her sister in the back for a can of beans. The apocalypse is here. It's been here for a long time. But I am willing to adjust my philosophy to suit your sensibilities if you just help me get the lab up and running.
:'''Scott''': What about the captain? And my friends?
:'''Granderson''': The best thing you can do for your friends is to let them know you've decided to cooperate with me. That will end this foolish bloodshed.
:'''Scott''':You say you'll help everyone?
:'''Granderson''':I will.
:'''Scott''': Well, then, prove it.
:'''Granderson''': And how do you suggest I do that?
:'''Scott''': You're wasting doses here on healthy people. Let me out into the street with what I have left... save people who are already sick. What, you think I'm gonna try to escape?
:'''Granderson''':think it's silly. And given the state of the world, I think it's small.
 
===''Fight the Ship'' [2.2]===
:''[Mike Slattery addresses the people of Baltimore]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Attention people of Baltimore. USS Nathan James is back under the control of her crew. This ship is now engaged in the fight to free Baltimore and spread the cure for the Red Flu to all of its citizens. This message goes out to Amy Granderson and all those loyal to her. Nathan James has been liberated and has joined the fight against you. We demand your immediate surrender. Lay down your arms... or be subject to the full force of the United States Navy.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James crew and Thorwald's men have gained the upper hand at Avocet and Granderson is cornered trying to escape]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': There are 200 more where I came from. You heard my X.O. We've taken back our ship, this building is ours, and we're telling the people of Baltimore that your kill zone at Olympia is out of business. You have two choices... a trial... or a funeral.
:'''Amy Granderson''': ''[to bodyguard]'' I gave you a direct order. Shoot! ''[bodyguard wavers and stands down]''
:'''Bodyguard''': I am not going anywhere with you.
:'''Chandler''': I found your daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, shot by your guards, under your order! My children were lined up to be murdered and sent to the ovens, along with thousands of desperate people... all so you can keep the lights on for your select few.
:'''Granderson''': You don't know! The virus was spreading! So you get to decide who lives and who dies?! There was panic, Captain, and I remained calm. Everybody was fleeing underground, but I stood firm! There was no plan and I built this. I'm the reason these people have survived this long.
:'''Chandler''': Except when you had the cure in hand, you wouldn't stop! You continued killing. It's over. Your grand social experiment is history. I'm offering you the chance. Surrender with honor.
:'''Granderson''': And who will judge me? You?
:'''Chandler''': Not me. A jury of your peers. Pick up the radio. Stand down your troopers. Shut down Olympia. Turn away your helo and come peacefully. It's the only way for you now.
:'''Granderson''': Th-this is Amy... This is Amy Granderson. Stand down. Cease and desist all operations at Olympia. Repeat... stand down. We are surrendering. ''[Radio clatters]'' I am not a monster. I am not. ''[brings out vial and swallows]'' Dr. Hamada assured me that the cocktail provided a quick and painless death. I insisted on it.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.3]===
:''[The Nathan James study all material recovered from the White House and play a video file labelled SECNAV]''
:'''[[w:Ray Mabus|Ray Mabus]]''': ''[on video]'' Is this on? Can I start now?
:'''Man''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission...
:'''CMC Russ Jeter''': It's the secretary of the Navy. 
:'''Mabus''': ...to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the current deadly pandemic. Now, if y... you're viewing this video, you are a part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign nations which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine in the event their mission is successful. In order to protect the security of the labs in the new network, your locations have been kept secret. However, you'll be able to communicate with the civilian command, with each other via secure satellite connection. The codes for that connection have been embedded within the drive that contains this video. These codes have to be guarded at all cost. If... if and when a vaccine arrives...
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': No one's decoded this yet?
:'''Lt Kara Foster''': No, sir. We didn't know those encryptions existed until just now.
:'''Chandler''': Find me those labs. Do it quickly.
:'''Foster''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Mabus''': Godspeed.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.4]===
:''[a SEAL operator talks to the Nathan James crew about the situation in Norfolk]''
:'''Damon''': Me and my team were stationed up in Little Creek. When shit went down, we went inland. We only made it back here a few weeks ago. We got 34 military personnel in town as far as we can tell... some Army, some Marines, but mostly Navy.
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Our intel says there's a biosafety Level IV lab on base here.
:'''Damon''': There was, but the equipment got moved someplace and no one here can tell us where. We've been trying to divide the city into sectors, impose a level of control. We got people holed up in different safe houses... school gym, supermarkets, some of them even running on diesel generators. I don't know if we found them all yet, but we're still in the process of clearing the city. 
:'''Slattery''': My people are about to head out there soon, try to find their families. Any information I can give them ahead of time will be much appreciated.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a cabin in Florida, a man addresses a group of people who applaud at every line he says]''
:'''Man''': And let me tell you something else... we are more than just survivors! We are more than our grief, we are more than our loss, and we are more than our pain! Yeah. We were spared for a reason. We were spared because we were put on this earth to do something more! We were spared because we're special... because we are the rightful inheritors of the earth. This is our destiny... because we are the chosen! We are the chosen! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jed Chandler notices his son Thomas throwing out the garbage]''
:'''Jed Chandler''': Gonna be puttering around all day?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Just getting the place in order.
:'''Jed''': ''[sighs]'' Well, I thought you might just be procrastinating... 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting. Do you not realize that they... that they can't do it without you? What kind of message are you gonna send to them, that you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm? You think because you got a... a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand? The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do.
:'''Tom''': And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me.
:'''Jed''': They need you.
:'''Tom''': And they don't? ''[referring to Ashley and Sam]'' And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?
:'''Jed''': You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind? Huh? During World War II, English naval captains put their wives and children in bunkers in London and went back out to sea... to fight the Nazis for years.
:'''Tom''': Wives and children, Dad. ''The wives were there.''
:'''Jed''': ''[remembers what happened to Darien]'' I know you, and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town. So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself. There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your Ark.

===''Solace'' [2.5]===
:''[Dr Rachel Scott makes another audio tape entry]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Hope. Such a rarified concept these days. High in demand... ''[sighs]'' And short in supply. I'm enjoying recording these logs again. Until recently, I had given up on them. With no connection to the outside world, they were serving as little more than just a diary. But now with the satellite network up and running, they have become my trusty carrier pigeons. I am happy to report that the cure has landed safely in labs across the country and in Europe, and I am on my way to you, Dr. Hunter, my friend, my mentor. We'll be stopping first in Savannah to set up a lab there, before heading down to you in Florida with the cure. As promised, I am uploading my data to the secured satellite, and I would love for you to take a look at the work we've done, and get your thoughts on faster methods for replication. Because time, as you well know, is of the essence, and millions still continue to live at risk. So take of yourself, old friend, and I'll be seeing you shortly.

===''Valkyrie'' [2.11]===
:''[The Nathan James receives a strange broadcast amidst distress calls from New Orleans]''
:'''Sean Ramsey''': People of the surrounding area, my name is Sean Ramsey. I'm a lieutenant commander in the British Royal Navy. I came here as an ally of your United States Navy, but that was before I learned the truth. About the secret lab experiments, the release of the deadly virus by your military, and the subsequent government cover-up. By now, many of you will have seen the horrible video captured by witnesses on the scene. The US Navy ship that attacked New Orleans harbor was flying the American flag, but it doesn't represent you good people. That ship is a key part of a larger conspiracy to take over this country, and it won't be stopped until you are dead and a new world order is established. I know it's heartbreaking and Difficult to believe. But soon, you will have more evidence of the US Navy's role in creating the deadly virus. That is why we have created this mobile network to get out the truth... I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We Brits have not forgotten our special relationship with America... And to the captain of the USS Nathan James, who has kidnapped the American president and wreaked havoc on this great nation, hear this. We are coming for you. You cannot hide from justice. No matter where you go, there will be no safe harbor.

===''A More Perfect Union'' [2.13]===
:''[President Michener makes a video message]''
:'''US President Jeffrey Michener''': This is President Jeffrey Michener addressing all Americans from the Navy ship the USS Nathan James, which is now entering the heart of this great nation, the Mississippi river. We are survivors of this great plague, just as you are. We have struggled, just as you have, and we still have great hope in the future, just as you do. I know that you've stayed alive this long by isolating yourselves... And your families, that many of you have been living in fear, Fear of the virus, fear of each other... Fear of the unknown. There have been people out there who have taken advantage of that. Despicable rumors and misleading videos have been broadcast from this network, lies designed to manipulate you, to make you believe that this ship and the people on it are your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men and women on this ship are some of the bravest, noblest that I have ever met, and it is an outrage that their commitment to bring all of us the cure has been undermined by those who thrive on your fear. I can tell you now that we do have the cure for the Red Flu. Attached to this message is video footage where you can see for yourself our doctor attending and curing patients sick with the virus. It is our mission now to spread this cure to as many of you as we can. At noon tomorrow, the 18th, we expect to land at the docks in Vicksburg, where we will remain in port for six hours. On the 20th, we'll arrive in Tennessee. We have made contact with a few brave citizens at the college of Memphis. Our team will meet people there at 9:00 A.M., again, for a period of six hours. We'll end our journey at 10:00 A.M. the following day, the 21st, at the port of St. Louis. It's time to turn the tide and the bloodshed, put the past behind us, and heal this great nation, all of us together. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Scott is heading back to her room, but encounters a strange man]''
:'''Man''': Hi. Are you the lady who made the cure?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Yes. 
:'''Man''': Can I get it?
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, weren't you in the park earlier?
:'''Man''': No. I missed the party.
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, with so many people exposed, it's likely you caught it just walking into the hotel.
:'''Man''': Still, I'd like to get it from you... ''[walks closer]'' For history and all. How close do you have to be?
:'''Dr Scott''': Uh... That's close enough.
:'''Man''': Yeah. I think so. ''Sic semper tyrannis! [pulls out pistol and shoots Scott, then leaves her dead]''

==Season 5==
===''Casus Belli'' [5.1]===
:''[Admiral Chandler lectures in the US Naval Academy about the Peloponnesian War]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is how war begins. Athens and Sparta fought during a plague which wiped out much of the population. - Sound familiar? But the war brought only more death and destruction because people let their fear, their honor, their interest cloud their judgment. The Peloponnesian War may be ancient history, but its lessons are not. You here will be the first graduating class of midshipmen to enter the Navy since our own troubles ended just three years ago. We're in a time of peace, but peace doesn't keep itself. Ours is a small navy, which means... your importance to the mission is even larger. And you will take the lessons from history, both ancient and very recent, with you as you enter service. When you put on the uniform, you can't let your fear or your pride or your selfish interest lead you astray, or people die. We have to think differently because we are different. We are warriors.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tavo Barros makes a speech in the wake of the Fleet Week sneak attack]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': I will now speak directly to our enemies in a language they can understand. Americans, you are on notice. The people of Central and South America are united! We will no longer cower in fear of your big stick. For you do not offer us protection, but enslavement. Today marks the beginning of a new equilibrium. Gran Colombia will no longer sit at the children's table of international politics. It is our turn! Be warned. If the United States wants a fight, you will lose. For in the words of [[Simón Bolívar]], a people who love their freedom will, in the end, be free. And we are united... as a continent... to fight for that freedom. We are one nation under God! ''La Gran Colombia! Al Norte!''

===''Fog of War'' [5.2]===
:''[Commander Green address the Nathan James crew]''
:'''CDR Kara Foster-Green''': Many of you here are new to the Navy... new to this ship. Some of you, we've been here before. Either way, what happened in Mayport is not something you ever get used to. It hurts. And it was meant to hurt. That's what our enemy wanted to do. And today, he succeeded. It caught us off guard, sent a powerful message, trying to shake our resolve. But a war isn't lost because we're hurt. For over three years, the United States Navy has built, sustained, and protected its war-fighting culture. This attack doesn't change that. In fact, it will once again bring out the best in us. Our enemies have underestimated us. And if you doubt that, look back at the past few years. Look at the people who've been on this ship. When trouble arises, we have proven time and time again, no matter the enemy, no matter the odds, one ship can do it. This ship can do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Admiral Chandler summons to USSOUTHCOM a USNA midshipman who submitted a term paper to him about a future cyberattack]''
:'''Midshipman Clayton Swain''': Admiral Chandler?
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': Mr. Swain, before the planes came, the US was the victim of a cyberattack. It killed our satellites, shut down our anti-access and area denial systems, and destroyed weapons control on all our networked assets... ships, tanks, planes, helos, Aegis, and missile silos. 
:'''Swain''': Whoa. 
:'''Chandler''': Your theory was correct. Grab your things and come with me. You're gonna be here awhile. Do you need to call anyone?
:'''Swain''': I forgot to ask. 
:'''Chandler''':Are you married? Do you live with your folks?
:'''Swain''': No, sir. I'm not married, and, uh, my parents died in the plague.
:'''Chandler''': Right.
:'''Swain''': You wrote that U.S. military installations were extremely vulnerable to cyberattacks.
:'''Chandler''': That was my conclusion, sir. It had to do with the number of nodes and the redundancies...
:'''Swain''':  I need you to find the virus, where it came from, and how to get rid of it. You'll be working with Commander Granderson. Good luck, Mr. Swain.
:'''Chandler''': Oh. Raise your right hand. POTUS usually does this, but he's not here, so... Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
:'''Swain''': I do. 
:'''Chandler''': Congratulations, ''Ensign'' Swain. You are now a member of the United States Navy. Get to work.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[US SOUTHCOM and Admiral Chandler is informed of a call from the Nathan James broadcast in the clear
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This isn't a secure channel, Mike. 
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Yeah, I know. I finally got around to reading your favorite book. You got your copy handy?
:'''Chandler''': Hold on. Ensign Swain, do you have your copy of &quot;Moby-Dick&quot;? 
:'''ENS Clayton Swain''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Turn to page 366, nine paragraphs down. Last words.
:'''Chandler''': Working on it.
:'''Slattery''': This is how we're gonna have to communicate for the time being.
:'''Chandler''': Understood. Smart play, Mike. Well? What's the message?
:'''Swain''': &quot;Fit for a fight.&quot;
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Tom, is the message clear?
:'''Chandler''': Yes, it is. We read you loud and clear.
:'''Slattery''': We'll be in touch.

===''El Puente'' [5.3]===
:''[A spitball incident in the Nathan James mess hall between the Cuban and Mexican envoys gets too personal and the crew tries hard to separate them]''
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Now, you listen to me. You and your men are gonna cut this shit out, you're gonna bury the hatchet. you're gonna make a deal, or I promise you, you will be swimming home. Escort them to the wardroom. Move! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James successfully fights off a Gran Colombian airstrike]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is Nathan James, calling Gustavo Barros. We just took out your airwing, and you didn't lay a glove on us. And you can mark that up along with your Corvette. Payback for Mayport. You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You know why? Because you can't. And now Mexico and Cuba have joined the fight. So this message goes out to all of Central and South America. There is a choice now. Join us. Send Gustavo back into the dirt hole he crawled out of. We fight for peace. But make no mistake... we will fight. And this ship and this crew? They're damn good at it. So, Gustavo... come at us again. I dare you. This is Nathan James. Out. ''[to bridge crew]'' Now, they know who we are, where we are. Let's be ready for what they throw at us. 
:'''Bridge crew''': Aye, sir.
:'''Chandler''' Nobody's talking about going home now. It's a good day.

===''Tropic of Cancer'' [5.4]===
:''[Alisha Granderson has figured out that the Fleet Week cyberattack was attributed to Kelsi visiting her in the office two days before - and confronts her at home]''
:'''CDR Alisha Granderson''': I didn't want to believe it. All those questions. &quot;Is Nathan James okay?&quot; &quot;Is Tom Chandler alive?&quot; &quot;Tell me, tell, me, tell me.&quot; You used me as a weapon. How long?
:'''Kelsi Baker''': Since before we met.
:'''Granderson''': Why? How?!
:'''Baker''': It was my duty. Surely, you can understand that.
:'''Granderson''': You're insane.
:'''Baker''': I'm insane? No. Insane is believing in lies and closing your eyes to the truth. Insane is having blind faith in a corrupt power structure. No, we need... What the people yearn for is an awakening. Have you heard Tavo speak? Have you heard his message? &quot;The first step towards tyranny&quot; &quot;is to believe&quot; &quot;the government will take care of everything.&quot;
:'''Granderson''': Kelsi, did I mean nothing to you?
:'''Baker''': Oh, I did care about you, Alisha. You should know that. And for awhile there, I thought I loved you, but... you and me, what we are... That doesn't even matter. Not now.

===''Warriors'' [5.5]===
:''[As Vulture team tries to hide in a Jamaican rum cellar from Gran Colombia invasion forces, Chandler talks to war strategist Dr Manuel Montano]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I was gonna wait till we were on the flight home, but it looks like we got a couple minutes, so let's take some time. You're the architect of Gustavo's war machine. What's the sequel to Plan Azul? Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas?
:'''Dr Manuel Montano''': I fight for the Latin American people. So that we will no longer be dependent on the whims of the north.
:'''Chandler''': Now you sound like your boss.
:'''Montano''': You're a man of war, Admiral. And a professor, as I understand. You tell me... how many invasions, bombs, coups, CIA black ops, and other interventions does it take before people push back?
:'''Chandler''': America's not your enemy.
:'''Montano''': America is a continent, not a country, Admiral. Learn that... maybe you'll understand La Revolución. Gustavo's not a revolutionary. He's not fighting to right old wrongs.
:'''Chandler''': He's a strong man and an opportunist, and he's killing more of your people than ours. 
:'''Montano''': I did not say I support Gustavo.
:'''Chandler''': You're not in Jamaica guarding Gustavo's secrets. You're running away.
:'''Montano''': Yes, Admiral.
:'''Chandler''': In another of the great post-plague ironies, one of the great strategists of war has become a pacifist.
:'''Montano''': The first time I heard him speak was in his home town. A little place called Rubi. He was a man of humble beginnings, speaking of hope, belonging... Listening to Tavo was a revelation. He put words to the pain and the shame of the South American experience... all we'd been feeling for so long. The plans we made together were going to do great good.
:'''Chandler''': So what changed?
:'''Montano''': Tavo changed.
:'''Chandler''': Or he stopped hiding his true intentions.
:'''Montano''': And it wasn't just rebels being killed, it was whole villages... anyone who fed into Tavo's paranoia. You can only see a child be burned alive so many times before you question your part in it all.
:'''Chandler''': You know his next moves. Help me stop him, help me end this.
:'''Montano''': If I help you, will that save my nation?
:'''Chandler''': If you don't, will your nation still be worth saving?
:'''Montano''': If I join you... I'm still an instrument of death. The only difference is the person delivering it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback to a scene at the Chandler home. Admiral Chandler is in a heated argument with daughter Ashley]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I just don't know what it is you're telling me. What are you telling me? ''[Ashley walks off]'' Get back here, I'm talking to you! Come back here, I'm talking to you. 
:'''Ashley Chandler''': Mom knew it, too! She knew you hated being home. You were never happy unless you were on your damn ship!
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry I'm the one you got stuck with. I'm sorry your mom died!
:'''Ashley''': And you weren't here.
:'''Tom''': Ashley. Ashley....
:'''Ashley''': You don't belong here. You belong out there.

===''Air Drop'' [5.6]===
:''[Gustavo Barros is interviewed]''
:'''Reporter''': I'm curious if your thinking has changed or if you regret starting a war with the United States.
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': We didn't start this war.
:'''Reporter''': You sank a US fleet in Mayport on the very day that your loyalists murder the duly-elected leader of Panama. That sounds textbook.
:'''Barros''': Mayport wasn't an attack, nor was it the beginning. You're young, but smart enough to know the US's history of murder and political insurrection in Latin America. [[w:1954 Guatemalan coup d'état|Guatemala '54]], [[w:Bay of Pigs invasion|Cuba '61]], [[w:Dominican Civil War|D.R. '65]], [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|Chile '73]], [[w:United_States_and_state-sponsored_terrorism|Nicaragua '82]], [[w:United_States_invasion_of_Grenada|Grenada '83]]. This war is a battle for the survival of the people of Gran Colombia. 
:'''Reporter''': So, is this your justification for the forced conscription, the purges, the death squads?
:'''Barros''': Where do you get this information from?
:'''Reporter''': Several accounts from defectors...
:'''Barros''': Defectors from what? Our borders are not closed. People are free to come and go as they wish.
:'''Reporter''': Their accounts are remarkably consistent.
:'''Barros''': This isn't a war of public opinion. This is about taking a fresh look at the world... Post-virus, post-famine. It's about adjusting the balance. United States have been bullies for too long. This movement is a rebirth. Take your camera and your notepad and go to the countryside. Go to the cities of Central and South America and see the pride in people's faces. Freedom from tyranny is what they demanded. And it's what I'm giving them. And I'm inviting the people of all of the Americas to join.

===''Courage'' [5.9]===
:''[General Hector Martinez is summoned along with the entire Gran Colombia high command to dinner with President Barros, but when he notices that the other generals are absent...]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Bad news, Hector. The generals? They were plotting against me.
:'''General Hector Martinez''': Who, Tavo?
:'''Barros''': Eat, Hector. Gazpacho shouldn't be allowed to warm to room temperature. It's good.
:'''Martinez''': There must be a mistake. You're telling me there was a coup amongst my generals?
:'''Barros''': ''Your'' generals? I hope they aren't your generals, Hector. No. They're cowards. And I warned you against them. 
:'''Martinez''': ''[Spanish]'' Are you sure? I've known these men a very long time. I would have heard something.
:'''Barros''': There is no mistake, Hector.
:'''Martinez''': So you have proof?
:'''Barros''': Conchita saw it. In the cards.
:'''Martinez''': Tavo. We cannot play with men's lives. These cards cannot always be trusted.
:'''Barros''': They confessed. Chacon, Bianchi, Rodriguez, Munos, Moreno. Every single one of them.
:'''Martinez''': Oh, my God.
:'''Barros''': But it doesn't matter, not really. All I wanted to know... the only thing I asked them before I removed their intestines was, did Hector know? Of course, none of them gave you up. But they gave each other up real quick. But you? Not you. Then I started feeling bad. For doubting you. ''[sees Maza distraught]'' It's... it's okay.
:'''Martinez''': No, no, no, no. With all the pressure from the war, I've...
:'''Barros''': I know I've gone a little crazy. And I'm sorry about that.
:'''Martinez''': You don't have to apologize, Tavo. I support you. Always.
:'''Barros''': Of course you do. Of course, I know. That is why I want you to lead the investigation to see just how far down this conspiracy goes. I want it torn out by the roots!
:'''Martinez''': ''Sí'', Tavo. I will handle it personally. Like always.
:'''Barros''': Like always. Conchita. ''[Conchita leaves]'' Hector, my friend. My brother. ''[Barros' bodyguard suddenly stabs Martinez]'' If you're gonna stab a man in the back, the least that you can do is look him in the eye!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nina talks to Admiral Chandler about the war film showing for the sailors and Marines on the eve of the Gran Colombia invasion]''
:'''Nina Garside''': Guess Gator's got the right idea. Try and keep their minds off things, even just for a few hours. So, tell me, Admiral. What's going through your head on the night before D-Day?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Nathan James.
:'''Garside''': The ship?
:'''Chandler''': The sailor. Ship's namesake. Captain Nathan James skippered a PT boat during the war in the Pacific. His fleet was decimated. His boat was all that was left standing against nine Japanese destroyers. The boat sank beneath him. Not before he stopped the enemy's advance. He single-handedly saved a fleet of newly-repaired American destroyers coming out of Pearl Harbor carrying thousands of sailors into the fight. Captain James said, &quot;war is a beast.&quot; It appears in many forms. Sometimes it's the beast you face head on, out on the field of battle. As equals. Sometimes the beast hides out. Lurking somewhere in the deep, biding its time &quot;until, when your guard is dropped, it comes for you.&quot; &quot;Bloodthirsty and merciless.&quot; &quot;And it drags you under. On any given day, you never know which beast you're gonna face.&quot; 
:'''Garside''': Which beast is it for you, Admiral?

===''Commitment'' [5.10]===
:''[Sasha Cooper and Danny Green have cornered Gustavo Barros]''
:'''Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Where is he... Tom Chandler? Where is he? 
:'''Danny Green''': He couldn't be bothered. 
:'''Sasha Cooper''': The war's over. Your army surrendered. Your turn.
:'''Tavo''': I will only surrender to Tom Chandler, soldier to soldier.
:'''Green''': We'll send your regards. Get on the floor. Now. ''[shoots Tavo when he tries to reach for a pistol; as he dies] Viva Tavo.''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Nathan James is destroyed, Admiral Chandler is in a near-death dream sequence where he witnesses footage of himself being relieved of command in front of the crew]''
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': I'm proud to honor you today for your service to the U.S. Navy, our great nation, and the world. Captain Chandler, are you ready to be relieved of command?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Who am I passing off command to?
:'''Commander Alicia Granderson''': We have the watch, sir. 
:''[band plays Adagio for Strings as certain people stand up]''
:'''Captain Andrea Garnett''': We have the watch. 
:'''LTJG Will Mason''': We have the watch. 
:'''Petty Officer Cosetti''': We have the watch. 
:'''Lieutenant Commander Barker''': We have the watch. 
:'''Chief Hospital Corpsman Doc Rios''': We have the watch. 
:'''Commander Carlton Burk''': We have the watch, sir. 
:'''Admiral Joseph Meylan''': Bosun, stand by to pipe the side. Shipmates going ashore. ''[everybody stands up]''
:'''President Michener''': It's time, pal. God bless you and God bless America.

== Cast ==
* Eric Dane - CDR/CAPT/ADM Thomas Chandler, USN 
* Rhona Mitra - Dr Rachel Scott
* Adam Baldwin - CDR/CAPT/ADM Mike Slattery, USN

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Last Ship (TV series)}} 
* {{imdb title|2402207|The Last Ship TV series}}
* {{official website|http://www.thelastshiptnt.com/}}

[[Category:2010s American drama TV shows]]</text>
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      <comment>/* Season 2 */</comment>
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'''''[[w:The_Last_Ship_(TV_series)|The Last Ship]]''''' (2014-2018) is an American action drama television series formerly airing on TNT, based on a book of the same name by William Brinkley. The plot revolves around the crew of the US Navy destroyer ''USS Nathan James'' as they struggle to survive in a pandemic-hit world.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Phase Six'' [1.1] ===
:''[Commander Chandler is livid that Dr Scott has not been honest about her work in the Arctic despite having fought off an attack by Russian forces]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': ''[grabs Scott's biosamples case]'' I swear to God, I will throw this overboard! I want answers!
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': You want answers? Seven months ago, outside Cairo, there was an outbreak-- a virus of unknown origin. Its genetic structure was like nothing any of us had ever seen. It swept throughout the village, killing everyone that it infected. Egyptian officials claimed the outbreak was contained, but it wasn't. Instead, it continued to mutate and spread. The CDC and the WHO wanted to sample the virus from the victims to create a vaccine. But nothing worked. It was my belief that we needed to find the primordial strain here in the Arctic.
:'''Chandler''': The birds.
:'''Scott''': They're just the carriers. They pick up the virus from the melting permafrost. We finally found their feeding ground.
:'''Chandler''': So you have what you need to stop this thing?
:'''Scott''': I won't know until we get it back to the lab. We're running out of time. The virus back home is moving quicker than any of us could've imagined.
:'''Chandler''': How would you know that? We've been radio silent since we left Norfolk.
:'''Scott''':  Because I have my own sat phone.
:'''Chandler''': We were at EMCON so no one would know our position!
:'''Scott''': We were at EMCON to protect my mission... Not yours. Orders came from the White House.
:'''Chandler''': Well, you led the Russians right to us and endangered my entire crew.
:'''Scott''': It was imperative that I stay in contact with the labs back home to keep them informed of my progress. I don't think you understand what we're talking about here.
:'''Chandler''': Enlighten me.
:'''Scott''': When we left Norfolk, the virus was at Phase Two, limited to small clusters in Asia and Africa. We are now at Phase Six-- global pandemic. 80% of the world's population is infected. The world is sick, Captain Chandler... Very sick.
:'''Chandler''': Are you telling me the whole world is dying, and they send two people to save it?
:'''Scott''': It took weeks to convince the government to even send me here. Most of my colleagues think that I'm insane.
:'''Chandler''': Are you?
:'''Scott''': I told you... that what's in that case... might be the only hope that we have.

=== ''Welcome to Gitmo'' [1.2]===
:''[having secured Guantanamo Bay of the former Al-Qaeda prisoners]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I don't know how you feel about the water... but we sure could use your services.
:'''Tex Nolan''': Where you headed?
:'''Chandler''': We got some things to do, but when we're done, we're going home.
:'''Nolan''': Yeah, I'll sign up for that.

===''Dead Reckoning'' [1.3]=== 
:''[Commander Chandler talks to Doctor Scott about Admiral Ruskov's demands]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Who else has been working on a vaccine?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''':  What, in the world? Everyone.
:'''Chandler''':  What about the Russians? Were they close?
:'''Scott''': I mean, nobody was making any real progress. And I hate to say it, but they're probably all dead anyway. Why?
:'''Chandler''': If somebody had the primordial strain of the virus, the stuff you found in the ice, could they make a vaccine?
:'''Scott''': I suppose, if they had the right equipment and someone qualified to run it. But they'd be months behind us.

===''We'll Get There'' [1.4]=== 
:''[Flashback to Commander Chandler's preparations to leave for the Arctic deployment]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Darien, I'm not going to the Med. Navy's sending us to the Arctic.
:'''Darien Chandler''': The Arctic? That's crazy.
:'''Tom''': Some cold-weather test on a new weapon system. It's all classified. It's happening very fast. We're gonna be at complete radio silence. No e-mails, no calls.
:'''Darien''': For how long?
:'''Tom''': Six months, maybe five.
:'''Darien''': Figures.
:'''Tom''': It's my last tour for a while. Then I'll be around the house so much, you'll be sick of me, I promise.

===''El Toro'' [1.5]=== 
:''[The team has been caught by el Toro's men]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I'm guessing you must be El Toro.
:'''El Toro''': I am, indeed. And who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
:'''Chandler''': Tom Chandler, U.S. Navy. Your men took our weapons, CBR suits, and equipment. We're gonna need 'em back.
:'''El Toro''': You won't need your suits. There is no virus here. As for your weapons, I cannot have your men walking around with machine guns. That would frighten my people.
:'''Chandler''': Well, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. The remainder of my crew, some 200-odd U.S. Navy sailors, await our return aboard our destroyer, U.S.S. Nathan James, currently in the bay at the mouth of the river. We don't return by 2300 hours, they'll come looking. And rest assured, they will find us.

===''Lockdown'' [1.6]=== 
:''[Chandler talks to the crew over the PA after Dr Scott shows him some prototypes of a Red Flu vaccine]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Good evening, Nathan James. This is the captain. I wanted to inform you all of our progress in the mission. As you know, a small team entered Nicaragua to find primates for Dr. Scott's test, which she hopes will be a vaccine against the virus. While there, we encountered a drug lord who enslaved 150 people. We eliminated his men and we eliminated him, freeing those healthy people there to establish a life for themselves. We also encountered several dozen infected people, including children. Yesterday, we couldn't help them. But perhaps tomorrow, we will be able to, because we came back to the Nathan James with 34 monkeys. Dr. Scott will now conduct her trials on those monkeys. But we... We are not waiting. We're setting a course for home. By the time we get there, we believe Dr. Scott will have a vaccine, and our mission will be completed. Today's a good day. Carry on. 

===''SOS'' [1.7]=== 
:''[Flashback to Oslo, Norway, six months before the outbreak]''
:'''Niels Sorensen''': I don't understand why you won't listen to me. It's a splice overlap PCR reaction with an immune-modulatory gene. It will help the body identify the virus and create antibodies.
:'''Professor Lindblom''': Yes, yes. You are young and have a bright career ahead. And don't waste your time with schoolboy science fiction.
:'''Sorensen''': The virus is spreading. There are cases being reported beyond the Middle East. It will be in Oslo by winter. It is deadly and will likely mutate. We...
:'''Lindblom''': Niels. I am well aware of what's at stake. But what you are proposing is too dangerous. The Australians tried it on mouse pox. It was a complete disaster.
:'''Sorensen''': I've already done the experiment.
:'''Lindblom''': What?
:'''Sorensen''': On myself.
:'''Lindblom''': While you were gone. And it worked.
:'''Sorensen''': You are mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm still here.
:'''Sorensen''': Absolutely mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm perfectly healthy. Professor Lindblom, please.
:'''Sorensen''': You stay away from my lab. You hear me? I am finished with you! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lindblom''': Professor..

===''Two Sailors Walk Into a Bar...'' [1.8]===
:''[The Russians have captured Commander Chandler and brought him to Admiral Ruskov aboard the Vyerni]''
:'''ADM Konstantin Ruskov''': I'd like to treat you with the respect your rank affords, but you are going to have to meet me halfway. Now, tell me of Dr. Scott's progress with the vaccine. She's close, right?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
:'''Ruskov''': There is no need for that. The Geneva Convention doesn't exist anymore. Hell, ''Geneva'' doesn't exist anymore! ''[laughs]'' Ah... Still won't talk? See, I told you. He would rather go it alone and die than share in the glory of saving the world. Why else would you, the ship's captain, personally lead the mission to save some poor island girl? Like with all tragic heroes, your hubris brought about your downfall. What do you have to say to that, Commander Chandler?
:'''Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
 
===''Trials'' [1.9]===
:''[CMC Jeter remembers PO Cossetti]''
:'''Command Master Chief Russ Jeter''': The ceremony will be at 0900. We'll have seven guns and the ensigns at half-mast. It'll be a hero's farewell. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': He wanted to redeem himself. 
:'''Jeter''': He never had to. 
:'''Chandler''': He gave his life for mine.
:'''Jeter''': He gave his life for the mission. And now we're free...
:'''Chandler''': To finish it.

===''No Place Like Home'' [1.10]=== 
:''[After seeing that USAMRIID's biological facility has been destroyed, the crew suddenly receives a call from the still-functioning local government]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': This is Tom Chandler, commanding officer of the USS Nathan James, over.
:'''Amy Granderson''': Captain Chandler. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. We thought you were lost at sea.
:'''Chandler''': No, ma'am, we're alive and well.
:'''Granderson''': Oh! There you are. I got it. You must be nearby. I'm Amy Granderson. And I suppose an explanation is in order. As vice-chair of the President's defense policy board, I was briefed on your mission to the Arctic. I knew the risks of the coming pandemic, and I had my daughter transferred to your ship. You must forgive me.
:'''Chandler''': No apology needed, ma'am. Your daughter's been an incredible asset. Pleased to hear from you. We had no word from the presidential bunker.
:'''Granderson''': President Geller invited me underground. I declined. I-I felt the risk was too big to have so much of our civilian and military command in one confined space. Unfortunately, I was right.
:'''Chandler''': So the government is gone.
:'''Granderson''': For the most part, yes. Since the bunker went silent, there has been a breakdown of infrastructure, general panic, and, of course, a tremendous loss of life. I have tried to execute a contingency plan working with the state and local police to create safe zones. We have been hanging on as best we can. And I have been praying every day for your return.

==Season 2==
===''Unreal City'' [2.1]===
:''[Dr Scott is trying to talk to Amy Granderson]''
:'''Amy Granderson''': We have successfully taken control of the Nathan James. My people are collecting all your work as we speak. Now, with your research and your samples, Dr. Hamada and his team will eventually learn to make the cure themselves. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just agreed to work together?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Work together? What, on your Darwinian experiment? Save those that you deem worthy and, what, just forget the rest?
:'''Granderson''': Perhaps I was overzealous in... &quot;barbarians at the gate,&quot; I believe, is what you called them. Doctor, I watched a grown man b*at a 12-year-old boy to death over a gas mask. I saw a woman stab her sister in the back for a can of beans. The apocalypse is here. It's been here for a long time. But I am willing to adjust my philosophy to suit your sensibilities if you just help me get the lab up and running.
:'''Scott''': What about the captain? And my friends?
:'''Granderson''': The best thing you can do for your friends is to let them know you've decided to cooperate with me. That will end this foolish bloodshed.
:'''Scott''':You say you'll help everyone?
:'''Granderson''':I will.
:'''Scott''': Well, then, prove it.
:'''Granderson''': And how do you suggest I do that?
:'''Scott''': You're wasting doses here on healthy people. Let me out into the street with what I have left... save people who are already sick. What, you think I'm gonna try to escape?
:'''Granderson''':think it's silly. And given the state of the world, I think it's small.
 
===''Fight the Ship'' [2.2]===
:''[Mike Slattery addresses the people of Baltimore]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Attention people of Baltimore. USS Nathan James is back under the control of her crew. This ship is now engaged in the fight to free Baltimore and spread the cure for the Red Flu to all of its citizens. This message goes out to Amy Granderson and all those loyal to her. Nathan James has been liberated and has joined the fight against you. We demand your immediate surrender. Lay down your arms... or be subject to the full force of the United States Navy.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James crew and Thorwald's men have gained the upper hand at Avocet and Granderson is cornered trying to escape]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': There are 200 more where I came from. You heard my X.O. We've taken back our ship, this building is ours, and we're telling the people of Baltimore that your kill zone at Olympia is out of business. You have two choices... a trial... or a funeral.
:'''Amy Granderson''': ''[to bodyguard]'' I gave you a direct order. Shoot! ''[bodyguard wavers and stands down]''
:'''Bodyguard''': I am not going anywhere with you.
:'''Chandler''': I found your daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, shot by your guards, under your order! My children were lined up to be murdered and sent to the ovens, along with thousands of desperate people... all so you can keep the lights on for your select few.
:'''Granderson''': You don't know! The virus was spreading! So you get to decide who lives and who dies?! There was panic, Captain, and I remained calm. Everybody was fleeing underground, but I stood firm! There was no plan and I built this. I'm the reason these people have survived this long.
:'''Chandler''': Except when you had the cure in hand, you wouldn't stop! You continued killing. It's over. Your grand social experiment is history. I'm offering you the chance. Surrender with honor.
:'''Granderson''': And who will judge me? You?
:'''Chandler''': Not me. A jury of your peers. Pick up the radio. Stand down your troopers. Shut down Olympia. Turn away your helo and come peacefully. It's the only way for you now.
:'''Granderson''': Th-this is Amy... This is Amy Granderson. Stand down. Cease and desist all operations at Olympia. Repeat... stand down. We are surrendering. ''[Radio clatters]'' I am not a monster. I am not. ''[brings out vial and swallows]'' Dr. Hamada assured me that the cocktail provided a quick and painless death. I insisted on it.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.3]===
:''[The Nathan James study all material recovered from the White House and play a video file labelled SECNAV]''
:'''[[w:Ray Mabus|Ray Mabus]]''': ''[on video]'' Is this on? Can I start now?
:'''Man''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission...
:'''CMC Russ Jeter''': It's the secretary of the Navy. 
:'''Mabus''': ...to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the current deadly pandemic. Now, if y... you're viewing this video, you are a part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign nations which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine in the event their mission is successful. In order to protect the security of the labs in the new network, your locations have been kept secret. However, you'll be able to communicate with the civilian command, with each other via secure satellite connection. The codes for that connection have been embedded within the drive that contains this video. These codes have to be guarded at all cost. If... if and when a vaccine arrives...
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': No one's decoded this yet?
:'''Lt Kara Foster''': No, sir. We didn't know those encryptions existed until just now.
:'''Chandler''': Find me those labs. Do it quickly.
:'''Foster''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Mabus''': Godspeed.

===''Solace'' [2.4]===
:''[a SEAL operator talks to the Nathan James crew about the situation in Norfolk]''
:'''Damon''': Me and my team were stationed up in Little Creek. When shit went down, we went inland. We only made it back here a few weeks ago. We got 34 military personnel in town as far as we can tell... some Army, some Marines, but mostly Navy.
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Our intel says there's a biosafety Level IV lab on base here.
:'''Damon''': There was, but the equipment got moved someplace and no one here can tell us where. We've been trying to divide the city into sectors, impose a level of control. We got people holed up in different safe houses... school gym, supermarkets, some of them even running on diesel generators. I don't know if we found them all yet, but we're still in the process of clearing the city. 
:'''Slattery''': My people are about to head out there soon, try to find their families. Any information I can give them ahead of time will be much appreciated.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a cabin in Florida, a man addresses a group of people who applaud at every line he says]''
:'''Man''': And let me tell you something else... we are more than just survivors! We are more than our grief, we are more than our loss, and we are more than our pain! Yeah. We were spared for a reason. We were spared because we were put on this earth to do something more! We were spared because we're special... because we are the rightful inheritors of the earth. This is our destiny... because we are the chosen! We are the chosen! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jed Chandler notices his son Thomas throwing out the garbage]''
:'''Jed Chandler''': Gonna be puttering around all day?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Just getting the place in order.
:'''Jed''': ''[sighs]'' Well, I thought you might just be procrastinating... 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting. Do you not realize that they... that they can't do it without you? What kind of message are you gonna send to them, that you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm? You think because you got a... a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand? The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do.
:'''Tom''': And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me.
:'''Jed''': They need you.
:'''Tom''': And they don't? ''[referring to Ashley and Sam]'' And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?
:'''Jed''': You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind? Huh? During World War II, English naval captains put their wives and children in bunkers in London and went back out to sea... to fight the Nazis for years.
:'''Tom''': Wives and children, Dad. ''The wives were there.''
:'''Jed''': ''[remembers what happened to Darien]'' I know you, and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town. So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself. There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your Ark.

===''Achilles'' [2.5]===
:''[Dr Rachel Scott makes another audio tape entry]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Hope. Such a rarified concept these days. High in demand... ''[sighs]'' And short in supply. I'm enjoying recording these logs again. Until recently, I had given up on them. With no connection to the outside world, they were serving as little more than just a diary. But now with the satellite network up and running, they have become my trusty carrier pigeons. I am happy to report that the cure has landed safely in labs across the country and in Europe, and I am on my way to you, Dr. Hunter, my friend, my mentor. We'll be stopping first in Savannah to set up a lab there, before heading down to you in Florida with the cure. As promised, I am uploading my data to the secured satellite, and I would love for you to take a look at the work we've done, and get your thoughts on faster methods for replication. Because time, as you well know, is of the essence, and millions still continue to live at risk. So take of yourself, old friend, and I'll be seeing you shortly.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Carlton Burk is visibly taken aback by IDF Lt Ravit Bivas after she and Wolf are introduced to the Vulture team]''
:'''Lt Carlton Burk''': Lieutenant Burk, Carlton.
:'''Lt Ravit Bivas''': Yeah, sounds great.
:'''Burk''': You know, when I was deployed in the Gulf, I spent some time outside Tel Aviv, a town called Gi-Va-Tayim.
:'''Bivas''': ''[Israeli accent]'' Givatayim.
:'''Burk''': Right. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Achilles has destroyed all the labs producing the vaccine, and the Nathan James crew is wondering why]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': I just tested Juan Carlos's blood. It turns out that he's naturally immune.
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': None of the mercs on Solace were CBR. Is it possible they're all immune? Everyone's like him?
:'''Scott''': I cross-referenced his blood against Bertrise's. Natural immunity, as it turns out, is a tad more common than I initially thought. Anywhere between 1% and 5% of the global population. That's how they took Europe.
:'''Chandler''': Now their mission is to destroy the cure wherever it exists, on a nuclear-powered sub that never runs out of fuel.
:'''Scott''': Yes, but we had the flash drive. How the hell did they know where those labs were? 

===''A Long Day's Journey'' [2.6]===
:''[Alisha Granderson talks to Dr Scott in the wardroom]''
:'''Lt Alisha Granderson''': It must have transmitted to the satellite right before the attack. 
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Have you watched it?
:'''Granderson''': Only long enough to know that it was for you, ma'am. But even from what I saw... It wasn't easy to watch. ''[opens video]''
:'''Dr Julius Hunter''': Rachel, oh, God, I pray this gets to you. Listen, we're... We're under attack, Rachel, but it's important... It's important that you learn this. I've been working with the data you sent me about the cure. And I think I found a way to help. Using what I learned about the measles project... Now, I know you think that's crazy, but it works. I'm sending you the data now. It's here. Look, I don't... Oh, God. Listen, Rachel. It's all worked out. All you have to do is... I just somehow pray that this file gets to you, that you get it off the server, Rachel. ''[gets interrupted]''
:'''MacDowell''': Okay. 
:'''Hunter''': Got to know that... Rachel.
:'''MacDowell''': Come on, now. Take it all. We need to find that server. Okay, doc. No. Stand up.
:'''Hunter''': Please. Please. ''[killed by gunshot]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Well, that's how they were able to get the locations of all the labs. Stole them from Dr. Hunter.
:'''Scott''': He was working on an experiment to turn my liquid injectable version of the cure into a powder so it could be released over populated areas via helicopters, planes, drones, even. I could manufacture a highly concentrated powder right here on the ship. We wouldn't even need labs anymore. So people could breathe in the cure. It would be very much like crop-dusting. Mass inoculations without glassware, needles, all the infrastructure that we no longer have. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Do you think Hunter was actually able to do it?
:'''Scott''': I know that he had some good results aerosolizing the measles vaccine, but I won't know until we get down to his lab in Florida.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Rachel Scott has an idea and presents it to Chandler]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': What's that?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': ''[Blows]'' Cornstarch from the chief's mess. It turns out the secret ingredient that I've been looking for was being used to make pancakes.
:'''Chandler''': So you found it?
:'''Scott''':Well, I have the recipe, and now all I need is to build a machine to manufacture the micro powder, so I was hoping that you might be able to lend me one or two of your capable machinists?
:'''Chandler''': I think that can be arranged. 

===''Alone and Unafraid'' [2.7]===
:''[de facto President Jeffrey Michener tries to think of his speech, with Tom Chandler protecting him]''
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': It is our responsibility as immunes to restore this great nation. And just as God chose Noah to survive the flood of the old testament, he has chosen us to survive this plague that washed away the sins of our world.&quot; 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Yes.
:'''Michener''': Do I sound convincing? Do you believe it?
:'''Chandler''': Why, yes. Of course, but I don't have Sean's charisma.
:'''Michener''': I watched his videos. I've seen the translations into Spanish, Bulgarian. You don't understand the language, but you believe what he's saying.
:'''Chandler''': Bulgaria?
:'''Michener''': He has followers everywhere. I used to do ''[[w:Meet the Press|Meet the Press]]'' every once in a while, but getting in front of crowds like this...

===''Valkyrie'' [2.11]===
:''[The Nathan James receives a strange broadcast amidst distress calls from New Orleans]''
:'''Sean Ramsey''': People of the surrounding area, my name is Sean Ramsey. I'm a lieutenant commander in the British Royal Navy. I came here as an ally of your United States Navy, but that was before I learned the truth. About the secret lab experiments, the release of the deadly virus by your military, and the subsequent government cover-up. By now, many of you will have seen the horrible video captured by witnesses on the scene. The US Navy ship that attacked New Orleans harbor was flying the American flag, but it doesn't represent you good people. That ship is a key part of a larger conspiracy to take over this country, and it won't be stopped until you are dead and a new world order is established. I know it's heartbreaking and Difficult to believe. But soon, you will have more evidence of the US Navy's role in creating the deadly virus. That is why we have created this mobile network to get out the truth... I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We Brits have not forgotten our special relationship with America... And to the captain of the USS Nathan James, who has kidnapped the American president and wreaked havoc on this great nation, hear this. We are coming for you. You cannot hide from justice. No matter where you go, there will be no safe harbor.

===''A More Perfect Union'' [2.13]===
:''[President Michener makes a video message]''
:'''US President Jeffrey Michener''': This is President Jeffrey Michener addressing all Americans from the Navy ship the USS Nathan James, which is now entering the heart of this great nation, the Mississippi river. We are survivors of this great plague, just as you are. We have struggled, just as you have, and we still have great hope in the future, just as you do. I know that you've stayed alive this long by isolating yourselves... And your families, that many of you have been living in fear, Fear of the virus, fear of each other... Fear of the unknown. There have been people out there who have taken advantage of that. Despicable rumors and misleading videos have been broadcast from this network, lies designed to manipulate you, to make you believe that this ship and the people on it are your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men and women on this ship are some of the bravest, noblest that I have ever met, and it is an outrage that their commitment to bring all of us the cure has been undermined by those who thrive on your fear. I can tell you now that we do have the cure for the Red Flu. Attached to this message is video footage where you can see for yourself our doctor attending and curing patients sick with the virus. It is our mission now to spread this cure to as many of you as we can. At noon tomorrow, the 18th, we expect to land at the docks in Vicksburg, where we will remain in port for six hours. On the 20th, we'll arrive in Tennessee. We have made contact with a few brave citizens at the college of Memphis. Our team will meet people there at 9:00 A.M., again, for a period of six hours. We'll end our journey at 10:00 A.M. the following day, the 21st, at the port of St. Louis. It's time to turn the tide and the bloodshed, put the past behind us, and heal this great nation, all of us together. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Scott is heading back to her room, but encounters a strange man]''
:'''Man''': Hi. Are you the lady who made the cure?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Yes. 
:'''Man''': Can I get it?
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, weren't you in the park earlier?
:'''Man''': No. I missed the party.
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, with so many people exposed, it's likely you caught it just walking into the hotel.
:'''Man''': Still, I'd like to get it from you... ''[walks closer]'' For history and all. How close do you have to be?
:'''Dr Scott''': Uh... That's close enough.
:'''Man''': Yeah. I think so. ''Sic semper tyrannis! [pulls out pistol and shoots Scott, then leaves her dead]''

==Season 5==
===''Casus Belli'' [5.1]===
:''[Admiral Chandler lectures in the US Naval Academy about the Peloponnesian War]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is how war begins. Athens and Sparta fought during a plague which wiped out much of the population. - Sound familiar? But the war brought only more death and destruction because people let their fear, their honor, their interest cloud their judgment. The Peloponnesian War may be ancient history, but its lessons are not. You here will be the first graduating class of midshipmen to enter the Navy since our own troubles ended just three years ago. We're in a time of peace, but peace doesn't keep itself. Ours is a small navy, which means... your importance to the mission is even larger. And you will take the lessons from history, both ancient and very recent, with you as you enter service. When you put on the uniform, you can't let your fear or your pride or your selfish interest lead you astray, or people die. We have to think differently because we are different. We are warriors.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tavo Barros makes a speech in the wake of the Fleet Week sneak attack]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': I will now speak directly to our enemies in a language they can understand. Americans, you are on notice. The people of Central and South America are united! We will no longer cower in fear of your big stick. For you do not offer us protection, but enslavement. Today marks the beginning of a new equilibrium. Gran Colombia will no longer sit at the children's table of international politics. It is our turn! Be warned. If the United States wants a fight, you will lose. For in the words of [[Simón Bolívar]], a people who love their freedom will, in the end, be free. And we are united... as a continent... to fight for that freedom. We are one nation under God! ''La Gran Colombia! Al Norte!''

===''Fog of War'' [5.2]===
:''[Commander Green address the Nathan James crew]''
:'''CDR Kara Foster-Green''': Many of you here are new to the Navy... new to this ship. Some of you, we've been here before. Either way, what happened in Mayport is not something you ever get used to. It hurts. And it was meant to hurt. That's what our enemy wanted to do. And today, he succeeded. It caught us off guard, sent a powerful message, trying to shake our resolve. But a war isn't lost because we're hurt. For over three years, the United States Navy has built, sustained, and protected its war-fighting culture. This attack doesn't change that. In fact, it will once again bring out the best in us. Our enemies have underestimated us. And if you doubt that, look back at the past few years. Look at the people who've been on this ship. When trouble arises, we have proven time and time again, no matter the enemy, no matter the odds, one ship can do it. This ship can do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Admiral Chandler summons to USSOUTHCOM a USNA midshipman who submitted a term paper to him about a future cyberattack]''
:'''Midshipman Clayton Swain''': Admiral Chandler?
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': Mr. Swain, before the planes came, the US was the victim of a cyberattack. It killed our satellites, shut down our anti-access and area denial systems, and destroyed weapons control on all our networked assets... ships, tanks, planes, helos, Aegis, and missile silos. 
:'''Swain''': Whoa. 
:'''Chandler''': Your theory was correct. Grab your things and come with me. You're gonna be here awhile. Do you need to call anyone?
:'''Swain''': I forgot to ask. 
:'''Chandler''':Are you married? Do you live with your folks?
:'''Swain''': No, sir. I'm not married, and, uh, my parents died in the plague.
:'''Chandler''': Right.
:'''Swain''': You wrote that U.S. military installations were extremely vulnerable to cyberattacks.
:'''Chandler''': That was my conclusion, sir. It had to do with the number of nodes and the redundancies...
:'''Swain''':  I need you to find the virus, where it came from, and how to get rid of it. You'll be working with Commander Granderson. Good luck, Mr. Swain.
:'''Chandler''': Oh. Raise your right hand. POTUS usually does this, but he's not here, so... Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
:'''Swain''': I do. 
:'''Chandler''': Congratulations, ''Ensign'' Swain. You are now a member of the United States Navy. Get to work.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[US SOUTHCOM and Admiral Chandler is informed of a call from the Nathan James broadcast in the clear
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This isn't a secure channel, Mike. 
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Yeah, I know. I finally got around to reading your favorite book. You got your copy handy?
:'''Chandler''': Hold on. Ensign Swain, do you have your copy of &quot;Moby-Dick&quot;? 
:'''ENS Clayton Swain''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Turn to page 366, nine paragraphs down. Last words.
:'''Chandler''': Working on it.
:'''Slattery''': This is how we're gonna have to communicate for the time being.
:'''Chandler''': Understood. Smart play, Mike. Well? What's the message?
:'''Swain''': &quot;Fit for a fight.&quot;
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Tom, is the message clear?
:'''Chandler''': Yes, it is. We read you loud and clear.
:'''Slattery''': We'll be in touch.

===''El Puente'' [5.3]===
:''[A spitball incident in the Nathan James mess hall between the Cuban and Mexican envoys gets too personal and the crew tries hard to separate them]''
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Now, you listen to me. You and your men are gonna cut this shit out, you're gonna bury the hatchet. you're gonna make a deal, or I promise you, you will be swimming home. Escort them to the wardroom. Move! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James successfully fights off a Gran Colombian airstrike]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is Nathan James, calling Gustavo Barros. We just took out your airwing, and you didn't lay a glove on us. And you can mark that up along with your Corvette. Payback for Mayport. You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You know why? Because you can't. And now Mexico and Cuba have joined the fight. So this message goes out to all of Central and South America. There is a choice now. Join us. Send Gustavo back into the dirt hole he crawled out of. We fight for peace. But make no mistake... we will fight. And this ship and this crew? They're damn good at it. So, Gustavo... come at us again. I dare you. This is Nathan James. Out. ''[to bridge crew]'' Now, they know who we are, where we are. Let's be ready for what they throw at us. 
:'''Bridge crew''': Aye, sir.
:'''Chandler''' Nobody's talking about going home now. It's a good day.

===''Tropic of Cancer'' [5.4]===
:''[Alisha Granderson has figured out that the Fleet Week cyberattack was attributed to Kelsi visiting her in the office two days before - and confronts her at home]''
:'''CDR Alisha Granderson''': I didn't want to believe it. All those questions. &quot;Is Nathan James okay?&quot; &quot;Is Tom Chandler alive?&quot; &quot;Tell me, tell, me, tell me.&quot; You used me as a weapon. How long?
:'''Kelsi Baker''': Since before we met.
:'''Granderson''': Why? How?!
:'''Baker''': It was my duty. Surely, you can understand that.
:'''Granderson''': You're insane.
:'''Baker''': I'm insane? No. Insane is believing in lies and closing your eyes to the truth. Insane is having blind faith in a corrupt power structure. No, we need... What the people yearn for is an awakening. Have you heard Tavo speak? Have you heard his message? &quot;The first step towards tyranny&quot; &quot;is to believe&quot; &quot;the government will take care of everything.&quot;
:'''Granderson''': Kelsi, did I mean nothing to you?
:'''Baker''': Oh, I did care about you, Alisha. You should know that. And for awhile there, I thought I loved you, but... you and me, what we are... That doesn't even matter. Not now.

===''Warriors'' [5.5]===
:''[As Vulture team tries to hide in a Jamaican rum cellar from Gran Colombia invasion forces, Chandler talks to war strategist Dr Manuel Montano]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I was gonna wait till we were on the flight home, but it looks like we got a couple minutes, so let's take some time. You're the architect of Gustavo's war machine. What's the sequel to Plan Azul? Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas?
:'''Dr Manuel Montano''': I fight for the Latin American people. So that we will no longer be dependent on the whims of the north.
:'''Chandler''': Now you sound like your boss.
:'''Montano''': You're a man of war, Admiral. And a professor, as I understand. You tell me... how many invasions, bombs, coups, CIA black ops, and other interventions does it take before people push back?
:'''Chandler''': America's not your enemy.
:'''Montano''': America is a continent, not a country, Admiral. Learn that... maybe you'll understand La Revolución. Gustavo's not a revolutionary. He's not fighting to right old wrongs.
:'''Chandler''': He's a strong man and an opportunist, and he's killing more of your people than ours. 
:'''Montano''': I did not say I support Gustavo.
:'''Chandler''': You're not in Jamaica guarding Gustavo's secrets. You're running away.
:'''Montano''': Yes, Admiral.
:'''Chandler''': In another of the great post-plague ironies, one of the great strategists of war has become a pacifist.
:'''Montano''': The first time I heard him speak was in his home town. A little place called Rubi. He was a man of humble beginnings, speaking of hope, belonging... Listening to Tavo was a revelation. He put words to the pain and the shame of the South American experience... all we'd been feeling for so long. The plans we made together were going to do great good.
:'''Chandler''': So what changed?
:'''Montano''': Tavo changed.
:'''Chandler''': Or he stopped hiding his true intentions.
:'''Montano''': And it wasn't just rebels being killed, it was whole villages... anyone who fed into Tavo's paranoia. You can only see a child be burned alive so many times before you question your part in it all.
:'''Chandler''': You know his next moves. Help me stop him, help me end this.
:'''Montano''': If I help you, will that save my nation?
:'''Chandler''': If you don't, will your nation still be worth saving?
:'''Montano''': If I join you... I'm still an instrument of death. The only difference is the person delivering it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback to a scene at the Chandler home. Admiral Chandler is in a heated argument with daughter Ashley]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I just don't know what it is you're telling me. What are you telling me? ''[Ashley walks off]'' Get back here, I'm talking to you! Come back here, I'm talking to you. 
:'''Ashley Chandler''': Mom knew it, too! She knew you hated being home. You were never happy unless you were on your damn ship!
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry I'm the one you got stuck with. I'm sorry your mom died!
:'''Ashley''': And you weren't here.
:'''Tom''': Ashley. Ashley....
:'''Ashley''': You don't belong here. You belong out there.

===''Air Drop'' [5.6]===
:''[Gustavo Barros is interviewed]''
:'''Reporter''': I'm curious if your thinking has changed or if you regret starting a war with the United States.
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': We didn't start this war.
:'''Reporter''': You sank a US fleet in Mayport on the very day that your loyalists murder the duly-elected leader of Panama. That sounds textbook.
:'''Barros''': Mayport wasn't an attack, nor was it the beginning. You're young, but smart enough to know the US's history of murder and political insurrection in Latin America. [[w:1954 Guatemalan coup d'état|Guatemala '54]], [[w:Bay of Pigs invasion|Cuba '61]], [[w:Dominican Civil War|D.R. '65]], [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|Chile '73]], [[w:United_States_and_state-sponsored_terrorism|Nicaragua '82]], [[w:United_States_invasion_of_Grenada|Grenada '83]]. This war is a battle for the survival of the people of Gran Colombia. 
:'''Reporter''': So, is this your justification for the forced conscription, the purges, the death squads?
:'''Barros''': Where do you get this information from?
:'''Reporter''': Several accounts from defectors...
:'''Barros''': Defectors from what? Our borders are not closed. People are free to come and go as they wish.
:'''Reporter''': Their accounts are remarkably consistent.
:'''Barros''': This isn't a war of public opinion. This is about taking a fresh look at the world... Post-virus, post-famine. It's about adjusting the balance. United States have been bullies for too long. This movement is a rebirth. Take your camera and your notepad and go to the countryside. Go to the cities of Central and South America and see the pride in people's faces. Freedom from tyranny is what they demanded. And it's what I'm giving them. And I'm inviting the people of all of the Americas to join.

===''Courage'' [5.9]===
:''[General Hector Martinez is summoned along with the entire Gran Colombia high command to dinner with President Barros, but when he notices that the other generals are absent...]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Bad news, Hector. The generals? They were plotting against me.
:'''General Hector Martinez''': Who, Tavo?
:'''Barros''': Eat, Hector. Gazpacho shouldn't be allowed to warm to room temperature. It's good.
:'''Martinez''': There must be a mistake. You're telling me there was a coup amongst my generals?
:'''Barros''': ''Your'' generals? I hope they aren't your generals, Hector. No. They're cowards. And I warned you against them. 
:'''Martinez''': ''[Spanish]'' Are you sure? I've known these men a very long time. I would have heard something.
:'''Barros''': There is no mistake, Hector.
:'''Martinez''': So you have proof?
:'''Barros''': Conchita saw it. In the cards.
:'''Martinez''': Tavo. We cannot play with men's lives. These cards cannot always be trusted.
:'''Barros''': They confessed. Chacon, Bianchi, Rodriguez, Munos, Moreno. Every single one of them.
:'''Martinez''': Oh, my God.
:'''Barros''': But it doesn't matter, not really. All I wanted to know... the only thing I asked them before I removed their intestines was, did Hector know? Of course, none of them gave you up. But they gave each other up real quick. But you? Not you. Then I started feeling bad. For doubting you. ''[sees Maza distraught]'' It's... it's okay.
:'''Martinez''': No, no, no, no. With all the pressure from the war, I've...
:'''Barros''': I know I've gone a little crazy. And I'm sorry about that.
:'''Martinez''': You don't have to apologize, Tavo. I support you. Always.
:'''Barros''': Of course you do. Of course, I know. That is why I want you to lead the investigation to see just how far down this conspiracy goes. I want it torn out by the roots!
:'''Martinez''': ''Sí'', Tavo. I will handle it personally. Like always.
:'''Barros''': Like always. Conchita. ''[Conchita leaves]'' Hector, my friend. My brother. ''[Barros' bodyguard suddenly stabs Martinez]'' If you're gonna stab a man in the back, the least that you can do is look him in the eye!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nina talks to Admiral Chandler about the war film showing for the sailors and Marines on the eve of the Gran Colombia invasion]''
:'''Nina Garside''': Guess Gator's got the right idea. Try and keep their minds off things, even just for a few hours. So, tell me, Admiral. What's going through your head on the night before D-Day?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Nathan James.
:'''Garside''': The ship?
:'''Chandler''': The sailor. Ship's namesake. Captain Nathan James skippered a PT boat during the war in the Pacific. His fleet was decimated. His boat was all that was left standing against nine Japanese destroyers. The boat sank beneath him. Not before he stopped the enemy's advance. He single-handedly saved a fleet of newly-repaired American destroyers coming out of Pearl Harbor carrying thousands of sailors into the fight. Captain James said, &quot;war is a beast.&quot; It appears in many forms. Sometimes it's the beast you face head on, out on the field of battle. As equals. Sometimes the beast hides out. Lurking somewhere in the deep, biding its time &quot;until, when your guard is dropped, it comes for you.&quot; &quot;Bloodthirsty and merciless.&quot; &quot;And it drags you under. On any given day, you never know which beast you're gonna face.&quot; 
:'''Garside''': Which beast is it for you, Admiral?

===''Commitment'' [5.10]===
:''[Sasha Cooper and Danny Green have cornered Gustavo Barros]''
:'''Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Where is he... Tom Chandler? Where is he? 
:'''Danny Green''': He couldn't be bothered. 
:'''Sasha Cooper''': The war's over. Your army surrendered. Your turn.
:'''Tavo''': I will only surrender to Tom Chandler, soldier to soldier.
:'''Green''': We'll send your regards. Get on the floor. Now. ''[shoots Tavo when he tries to reach for a pistol; as he dies] Viva Tavo.''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Nathan James is destroyed, Admiral Chandler is in a near-death dream sequence where he witnesses footage of himself being relieved of command in front of the crew]''
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': I'm proud to honor you today for your service to the U.S. Navy, our great nation, and the world. Captain Chandler, are you ready to be relieved of command?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Who am I passing off command to?
:'''Commander Alicia Granderson''': We have the watch, sir. 
:''[band plays Adagio for Strings as certain people stand up]''
:'''Captain Andrea Garnett''': We have the watch. 
:'''LTJG Will Mason''': We have the watch. 
:'''Petty Officer Cosetti''': We have the watch. 
:'''Lieutenant Commander Barker''': We have the watch. 
:'''Chief Hospital Corpsman Doc Rios''': We have the watch. 
:'''Commander Carlton Burk''': We have the watch, sir. 
:'''Admiral Joseph Meylan''': Bosun, stand by to pipe the side. Shipmates going ashore. ''[everybody stands up]''
:'''President Michener''': It's time, pal. God bless you and God bless America.

== Cast ==
* Eric Dane - CDR/CAPT/ADM Thomas Chandler, USN 
* Rhona Mitra - Dr Rachel Scott
* Adam Baldwin - CDR/CAPT/ADM Mike Slattery, USN

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Last Ship (TV series)}} 
* {{imdb title|2402207|The Last Ship TV series}}
* {{official website|http://www.thelastshiptnt.com/}}

[[Category:2010s American drama TV shows]]</text>
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      <id>3146204</id>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
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      <comment>/* Season 2 */</comment>
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'''''[[w:The_Last_Ship_(TV_series)|The Last Ship]]''''' (2014-2018) is an American action drama television series formerly airing on TNT, based on a book of the same name by William Brinkley. The plot revolves around the crew of the US Navy destroyer ''USS Nathan James'' as they struggle to survive in a pandemic-hit world.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Phase Six'' [1.1] ===
:''[Commander Chandler is livid that Dr Scott has not been honest about her work in the Arctic despite having fought off an attack by Russian forces]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': ''[grabs Scott's biosamples case]'' I swear to God, I will throw this overboard! I want answers!
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': You want answers? Seven months ago, outside Cairo, there was an outbreak-- a virus of unknown origin. Its genetic structure was like nothing any of us had ever seen. It swept throughout the village, killing everyone that it infected. Egyptian officials claimed the outbreak was contained, but it wasn't. Instead, it continued to mutate and spread. The CDC and the WHO wanted to sample the virus from the victims to create a vaccine. But nothing worked. It was my belief that we needed to find the primordial strain here in the Arctic.
:'''Chandler''': The birds.
:'''Scott''': They're just the carriers. They pick up the virus from the melting permafrost. We finally found their feeding ground.
:'''Chandler''': So you have what you need to stop this thing?
:'''Scott''': I won't know until we get it back to the lab. We're running out of time. The virus back home is moving quicker than any of us could've imagined.
:'''Chandler''': How would you know that? We've been radio silent since we left Norfolk.
:'''Scott''':  Because I have my own sat phone.
:'''Chandler''': We were at EMCON so no one would know our position!
:'''Scott''': We were at EMCON to protect my mission... Not yours. Orders came from the White House.
:'''Chandler''': Well, you led the Russians right to us and endangered my entire crew.
:'''Scott''': It was imperative that I stay in contact with the labs back home to keep them informed of my progress. I don't think you understand what we're talking about here.
:'''Chandler''': Enlighten me.
:'''Scott''': When we left Norfolk, the virus was at Phase Two, limited to small clusters in Asia and Africa. We are now at Phase Six-- global pandemic. 80% of the world's population is infected. The world is sick, Captain Chandler... Very sick.
:'''Chandler''': Are you telling me the whole world is dying, and they send two people to save it?
:'''Scott''': It took weeks to convince the government to even send me here. Most of my colleagues think that I'm insane.
:'''Chandler''': Are you?
:'''Scott''': I told you... that what's in that case... might be the only hope that we have.

=== ''Welcome to Gitmo'' [1.2]===
:''[having secured Guantanamo Bay of the former Al-Qaeda prisoners]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I don't know how you feel about the water... but we sure could use your services.
:'''Tex Nolan''': Where you headed?
:'''Chandler''': We got some things to do, but when we're done, we're going home.
:'''Nolan''': Yeah, I'll sign up for that.

===''Dead Reckoning'' [1.3]=== 
:''[Commander Chandler talks to Doctor Scott about Admiral Ruskov's demands]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Who else has been working on a vaccine?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''':  What, in the world? Everyone.
:'''Chandler''':  What about the Russians? Were they close?
:'''Scott''': I mean, nobody was making any real progress. And I hate to say it, but they're probably all dead anyway. Why?
:'''Chandler''': If somebody had the primordial strain of the virus, the stuff you found in the ice, could they make a vaccine?
:'''Scott''': I suppose, if they had the right equipment and someone qualified to run it. But they'd be months behind us.

===''We'll Get There'' [1.4]=== 
:''[Flashback to Commander Chandler's preparations to leave for the Arctic deployment]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Darien, I'm not going to the Med. Navy's sending us to the Arctic.
:'''Darien Chandler''': The Arctic? That's crazy.
:'''Tom''': Some cold-weather test on a new weapon system. It's all classified. It's happening very fast. We're gonna be at complete radio silence. No e-mails, no calls.
:'''Darien''': For how long?
:'''Tom''': Six months, maybe five.
:'''Darien''': Figures.
:'''Tom''': It's my last tour for a while. Then I'll be around the house so much, you'll be sick of me, I promise.

===''El Toro'' [1.5]=== 
:''[The team has been caught by el Toro's men]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I'm guessing you must be El Toro.
:'''El Toro''': I am, indeed. And who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
:'''Chandler''': Tom Chandler, U.S. Navy. Your men took our weapons, CBR suits, and equipment. We're gonna need 'em back.
:'''El Toro''': You won't need your suits. There is no virus here. As for your weapons, I cannot have your men walking around with machine guns. That would frighten my people.
:'''Chandler''': Well, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. The remainder of my crew, some 200-odd U.S. Navy sailors, await our return aboard our destroyer, U.S.S. Nathan James, currently in the bay at the mouth of the river. We don't return by 2300 hours, they'll come looking. And rest assured, they will find us.

===''Lockdown'' [1.6]=== 
:''[Chandler talks to the crew over the PA after Dr Scott shows him some prototypes of a Red Flu vaccine]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Good evening, Nathan James. This is the captain. I wanted to inform you all of our progress in the mission. As you know, a small team entered Nicaragua to find primates for Dr. Scott's test, which she hopes will be a vaccine against the virus. While there, we encountered a drug lord who enslaved 150 people. We eliminated his men and we eliminated him, freeing those healthy people there to establish a life for themselves. We also encountered several dozen infected people, including children. Yesterday, we couldn't help them. But perhaps tomorrow, we will be able to, because we came back to the Nathan James with 34 monkeys. Dr. Scott will now conduct her trials on those monkeys. But we... We are not waiting. We're setting a course for home. By the time we get there, we believe Dr. Scott will have a vaccine, and our mission will be completed. Today's a good day. Carry on. 

===''SOS'' [1.7]=== 
:''[Flashback to Oslo, Norway, six months before the outbreak]''
:'''Niels Sorensen''': I don't understand why you won't listen to me. It's a splice overlap PCR reaction with an immune-modulatory gene. It will help the body identify the virus and create antibodies.
:'''Professor Lindblom''': Yes, yes. You are young and have a bright career ahead. And don't waste your time with schoolboy science fiction.
:'''Sorensen''': The virus is spreading. There are cases being reported beyond the Middle East. It will be in Oslo by winter. It is deadly and will likely mutate. We...
:'''Lindblom''': Niels. I am well aware of what's at stake. But what you are proposing is too dangerous. The Australians tried it on mouse pox. It was a complete disaster.
:'''Sorensen''': I've already done the experiment.
:'''Lindblom''': What?
:'''Sorensen''': On myself.
:'''Lindblom''': While you were gone. And it worked.
:'''Sorensen''': You are mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm still here.
:'''Sorensen''': Absolutely mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm perfectly healthy. Professor Lindblom, please.
:'''Sorensen''': You stay away from my lab. You hear me? I am finished with you! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lindblom''': Professor..

===''Two Sailors Walk Into a Bar...'' [1.8]===
:''[The Russians have captured Commander Chandler and brought him to Admiral Ruskov aboard the Vyerni]''
:'''ADM Konstantin Ruskov''': I'd like to treat you with the respect your rank affords, but you are going to have to meet me halfway. Now, tell me of Dr. Scott's progress with the vaccine. She's close, right?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
:'''Ruskov''': There is no need for that. The Geneva Convention doesn't exist anymore. Hell, ''Geneva'' doesn't exist anymore! ''[laughs]'' Ah... Still won't talk? See, I told you. He would rather go it alone and die than share in the glory of saving the world. Why else would you, the ship's captain, personally lead the mission to save some poor island girl? Like with all tragic heroes, your hubris brought about your downfall. What do you have to say to that, Commander Chandler?
:'''Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
 
===''Trials'' [1.9]===
:''[CMC Jeter remembers PO Cossetti]''
:'''Command Master Chief Russ Jeter''': The ceremony will be at 0900. We'll have seven guns and the ensigns at half-mast. It'll be a hero's farewell. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': He wanted to redeem himself. 
:'''Jeter''': He never had to. 
:'''Chandler''': He gave his life for mine.
:'''Jeter''': He gave his life for the mission. And now we're free...
:'''Chandler''': To finish it.

===''No Place Like Home'' [1.10]=== 
:''[After seeing that USAMRIID's biological facility has been destroyed, the crew suddenly receives a call from the still-functioning local government]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': This is Tom Chandler, commanding officer of the USS Nathan James, over.
:'''Amy Granderson''': Captain Chandler. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. We thought you were lost at sea.
:'''Chandler''': No, ma'am, we're alive and well.
:'''Granderson''': Oh! There you are. I got it. You must be nearby. I'm Amy Granderson. And I suppose an explanation is in order. As vice-chair of the President's defense policy board, I was briefed on your mission to the Arctic. I knew the risks of the coming pandemic, and I had my daughter transferred to your ship. You must forgive me.
:'''Chandler''': No apology needed, ma'am. Your daughter's been an incredible asset. Pleased to hear from you. We had no word from the presidential bunker.
:'''Granderson''': President Geller invited me underground. I declined. I-I felt the risk was too big to have so much of our civilian and military command in one confined space. Unfortunately, I was right.
:'''Chandler''': So the government is gone.
:'''Granderson''': For the most part, yes. Since the bunker went silent, there has been a breakdown of infrastructure, general panic, and, of course, a tremendous loss of life. I have tried to execute a contingency plan working with the state and local police to create safe zones. We have been hanging on as best we can. And I have been praying every day for your return.

==Season 2==
===''Unreal City'' [2.1]===
:''[Dr Scott is trying to talk to Amy Granderson]''
:'''Amy Granderson''': We have successfully taken control of the Nathan James. My people are collecting all your work as we speak. Now, with your research and your samples, Dr. Hamada and his team will eventually learn to make the cure themselves. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just agreed to work together?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Work together? What, on your Darwinian experiment? Save those that you deem worthy and, what, just forget the rest?
:'''Granderson''': Perhaps I was overzealous in... &quot;barbarians at the gate,&quot; I believe, is what you called them. Doctor, I watched a grown man b*at a 12-year-old boy to death over a gas mask. I saw a woman stab her sister in the back for a can of beans. The apocalypse is here. It's been here for a long time. But I am willing to adjust my philosophy to suit your sensibilities if you just help me get the lab up and running.
:'''Scott''': What about the captain? And my friends?
:'''Granderson''': The best thing you can do for your friends is to let them know you've decided to cooperate with me. That will end this foolish bloodshed.
:'''Scott''':You say you'll help everyone?
:'''Granderson''':I will.
:'''Scott''': Well, then, prove it.
:'''Granderson''': And how do you suggest I do that?
:'''Scott''': You're wasting doses here on healthy people. Let me out into the street with what I have left... save people who are already sick. What, you think I'm gonna try to escape?
:'''Granderson''':think it's silly. And given the state of the world, I think it's small.
 
===''Fight the Ship'' [2.2]===
:''[Mike Slattery addresses the people of Baltimore]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Attention people of Baltimore. USS Nathan James is back under the control of her crew. This ship is now engaged in the fight to free Baltimore and spread the cure for the Red Flu to all of its citizens. This message goes out to Amy Granderson and all those loyal to her. Nathan James has been liberated and has joined the fight against you. We demand your immediate surrender. Lay down your arms... or be subject to the full force of the United States Navy.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James crew and Thorwald's men have gained the upper hand at Avocet and Granderson is cornered trying to escape]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': There are 200 more where I came from. You heard my X.O. We've taken back our ship, this building is ours, and we're telling the people of Baltimore that your kill zone at Olympia is out of business. You have two choices... a trial... or a funeral.
:'''Amy Granderson''': ''[to bodyguard]'' I gave you a direct order. Shoot! ''[bodyguard wavers and stands down]''
:'''Bodyguard''': I am not going anywhere with you.
:'''Chandler''': I found your daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, shot by your guards, under your order! My children were lined up to be murdered and sent to the ovens, along with thousands of desperate people... all so you can keep the lights on for your select few.
:'''Granderson''': You don't know! The virus was spreading! So you get to decide who lives and who dies?! There was panic, Captain, and I remained calm. Everybody was fleeing underground, but I stood firm! There was no plan and I built this. I'm the reason these people have survived this long.
:'''Chandler''': Except when you had the cure in hand, you wouldn't stop! You continued killing. It's over. Your grand social experiment is history. I'm offering you the chance. Surrender with honor.
:'''Granderson''': And who will judge me? You?
:'''Chandler''': Not me. A jury of your peers. Pick up the radio. Stand down your troopers. Shut down Olympia. Turn away your helo and come peacefully. It's the only way for you now.
:'''Granderson''': Th-this is Amy... This is Amy Granderson. Stand down. Cease and desist all operations at Olympia. Repeat... stand down. We are surrendering. ''[Radio clatters]'' I am not a monster. I am not. ''[brings out vial and swallows]'' Dr. Hamada assured me that the cocktail provided a quick and painless death. I insisted on it.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.3]===
:''[The Nathan James study all material recovered from the White House and play a video file labelled SECNAV]''
:'''[[w:Ray Mabus|Ray Mabus]]''': ''[on video]'' Is this on? Can I start now?
:'''Man''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission...
:'''CMC Russ Jeter''': It's the secretary of the Navy. 
:'''Mabus''': ...to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the current deadly pandemic. Now, if y... you're viewing this video, you are a part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign nations which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine in the event their mission is successful. In order to protect the security of the labs in the new network, your locations have been kept secret. However, you'll be able to communicate with the civilian command, with each other via secure satellite connection. The codes for that connection have been embedded within the drive that contains this video. These codes have to be guarded at all cost. If... if and when a vaccine arrives...
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': No one's decoded this yet?
:'''Lt Kara Foster''': No, sir. We didn't know those encryptions existed until just now.
:'''Chandler''': Find me those labs. Do it quickly.
:'''Foster''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Mabus''': Godspeed.

===''Solace'' [2.4]===
:''[a SEAL operator talks to the Nathan James crew about the situation in Norfolk]''
:'''Damon''': Me and my team were stationed up in Little Creek. When shit went down, we went inland. We only made it back here a few weeks ago. We got 34 military personnel in town as far as we can tell... some Army, some Marines, but mostly Navy.
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Our intel says there's a biosafety Level IV lab on base here.
:'''Damon''': There was, but the equipment got moved someplace and no one here can tell us where. We've been trying to divide the city into sectors, impose a level of control. We got people holed up in different safe houses... school gym, supermarkets, some of them even running on diesel generators. I don't know if we found them all yet, but we're still in the process of clearing the city. 
:'''Slattery''': My people are about to head out there soon, try to find their families. Any information I can give them ahead of time will be much appreciated.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a cabin in Florida, a man addresses a group of people who applaud at every line he says]''
:'''Man''': And let me tell you something else... we are more than just survivors! We are more than our grief, we are more than our loss, and we are more than our pain! Yeah. We were spared for a reason. We were spared because we were put on this earth to do something more! We were spared because we're special... because we are the rightful inheritors of the earth. This is our destiny... because we are the chosen! We are the chosen! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jed Chandler notices his son Thomas throwing out the garbage]''
:'''Jed Chandler''': Gonna be puttering around all day?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Just getting the place in order.
:'''Jed''': ''[sighs]'' Well, I thought you might just be procrastinating... 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting. Do you not realize that they... that they can't do it without you? What kind of message are you gonna send to them, that you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm? You think because you got a... a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand? The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do.
:'''Tom''': And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me.
:'''Jed''': They need you.
:'''Tom''': And they don't? ''[referring to Ashley and Sam]'' And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?
:'''Jed''': You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind? Huh? During World War II, English naval captains put their wives and children in bunkers in London and went back out to sea... to fight the Nazis for years.
:'''Tom''': Wives and children, Dad. ''The wives were there.''
:'''Jed''': ''[remembers what happened to Darien]'' I know you, and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town. So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself. There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your Ark.

===''Achilles'' [2.5]===
:''[Dr Rachel Scott makes another audio tape entry]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Hope. Such a rarified concept these days. High in demand... ''[sighs]'' And short in supply. I'm enjoying recording these logs again. Until recently, I had given up on them. With no connection to the outside world, they were serving as little more than just a diary. But now with the satellite network up and running, they have become my trusty carrier pigeons. I am happy to report that the cure has landed safely in labs across the country and in Europe, and I am on my way to you, Dr. Hunter, my friend, my mentor. We'll be stopping first in Savannah to set up a lab there, before heading down to you in Florida with the cure. As promised, I am uploading my data to the secured satellite, and I would love for you to take a look at the work we've done, and get your thoughts on faster methods for replication. Because time, as you well know, is of the essence, and millions still continue to live at risk. So take of yourself, old friend, and I'll be seeing you shortly.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Carlton Burk is visibly taken aback by IDF Lt Ravit Bivas after she and Wolf are introduced to the Vulture team]''
:'''Lt Carlton Burk''': Lieutenant Burk, Carlton.
:'''Lt Ravit Bivas''': Yeah, sounds great.
:'''Burk''': You know, when I was deployed in the Gulf, I spent some time outside Tel Aviv, a town called Gi-Va-Tayim.
:'''Bivas''': ''[Israeli accent]'' Givatayim.
:'''Burk''': Right. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Achilles has destroyed all the labs producing the vaccine, and the Nathan James crew is wondering why]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': I just tested Juan Carlos's blood. It turns out that he's naturally immune.
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': None of the mercs on Solace were CBR. Is it possible they're all immune? Everyone's like him?
:'''Scott''': I cross-referenced his blood against Bertrise's. Natural immunity, as it turns out, is a tad more common than I initially thought. Anywhere between 1% and 5% of the global population. That's how they took Europe.
:'''Chandler''': Now their mission is to destroy the cure wherever it exists, on a nuclear-powered sub that never runs out of fuel.
:'''Scott''': Yes, but we had the flash drive. How the hell did they know where those labs were? 

===''A Long Day's Journey'' [2.6]===
:''[Alisha Granderson talks to Dr Scott in the wardroom]''
:'''Lt Alisha Granderson''': It must have transmitted to the satellite right before the attack. 
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Have you watched it?
:'''Granderson''': Only long enough to know that it was for you, ma'am. But even from what I saw... It wasn't easy to watch. ''[opens video]''
:'''Dr Julius Hunter''': Rachel, oh, God, I pray this gets to you. Listen, we're... We're under attack, Rachel, but it's important... It's important that you learn this. I've been working with the data you sent me about the cure. And I think I found a way to help. Using what I learned about the measles project... Now, I know you think that's crazy, but it works. I'm sending you the data now. It's here. Look, I don't... Oh, God. Listen, Rachel. It's all worked out. All you have to do is... I just somehow pray that this file gets to you, that you get it off the server, Rachel. ''[gets interrupted]''
:'''MacDowell''': Okay. 
:'''Hunter''': Got to know that... Rachel.
:'''MacDowell''': Come on, now. Take it all. We need to find that server. Okay, doc. No. Stand up.
:'''Hunter''': Please. Please. ''[killed by gunshot]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Well, that's how they were able to get the locations of all the labs. Stole them from Dr. Hunter.
:'''Scott''': He was working on an experiment to turn my liquid injectable version of the cure into a powder so it could be released over populated areas via helicopters, planes, drones, even. I could manufacture a highly concentrated powder right here on the ship. We wouldn't even need labs anymore. So people could breathe in the cure. It would be very much like crop-dusting. Mass inoculations without glassware, needles, all the infrastructure that we no longer have. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Do you think Hunter was actually able to do it?
:'''Scott''': I know that he had some good results aerosolizing the measles vaccine, but I won't know until we get down to his lab in Florida.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Rachel Scott has an idea and presents it to Chandler]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': What's that?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': ''[Blows]'' Cornstarch from the chief's mess. It turns out the secret ingredient that I've been looking for was being used to make pancakes.
:'''Chandler''': So you found it?
:'''Scott''':Well, I have the recipe, and now all I need is to build a machine to manufacture the micro powder, so I was hoping that you might be able to lend me one or two of your capable machinists?
:'''Chandler''': I think that can be arranged. 

===''Alone and Unafraid'' [2.7]===
:''[de facto President Jeffrey Michener tries to think of his speech, with Tom Chandler protecting him]''
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': It is our responsibility as immunes to restore this great nation. And just as God chose Noah to survive the flood of the old testament, he has chosen us to survive this plague that washed away the sins of our world.&quot; 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Yes.
:'''Michener''': Do I sound convincing? Do you believe it?
:'''Chandler''': Why, yes. Of course, but I don't have Sean's charisma.
:'''Michener''': I watched his videos. I've seen the translations into Spanish, Bulgarian. You don't understand the language, but you believe what he's saying.
:'''Chandler''': Bulgaria?
:'''Michener''': He has followers everywhere. I used to do ''[[w:Meet the Press|Meet the Press]]'' every once in a while, but getting in front of crowds like this...

===''Safe Zone'' [2.8]===
:''[Jeffrey Michener has been set up in the Nathan James wardroom and wants some answers]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Commander Mike Slattery. I'm the Executive Officer of this ship.
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': I want to speak to the Captain.
:'''Slattery''': Well, he's presently indisposed... Wanted us to get acquainted till he gets here.
:'''Michener''': You are aware that kidnapping the President of the United States is a federal offense, punishable by death?
:'''Slattery''': The Captain was under the impression he was rescuing you.
:'''Michener''': At gunpoint, against my will?
:'''Slattery''': Sir, I don't think you realize who the Ramseys are or what their goal is...
:'''Michener''': You don't need to tell me anything.
:'''Slattery''': No, sir, I don't. Unless you want to be fully informed. I'd like to show you something, if I may. This is from August. She was second in succession... President then. These were her orders to us. ''[plays video file of President Geller]''
:'''President Kelly Geller''': Morning, Commander. I know... the last you heard, I was Speaker of the House. The President died two months ago, the Vice-President a week later. What's left of the Federal Government is holed up 200 feet below the White House. Most of our population, along with our armed forces, is dying or dead. We have no allies, we have no enemies... Just a world of sick, desperate people. If Dr. Scott has the makings of a cure, you must come home... now. 
:'''Slattery''': We came home. Found things not quite as hospitable as we'd hoped. No infrastructure... No government, no orders. So we went to the White House, and we were able to get our hands on many of the Presidential files and directives. This is the secretary of the Navy. I understand you... You knew him pretty well. ''[plays clip of SECNAV Ray Mabus]''
:'''Ray Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the pandemic. If you're viewing this video, you are part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign countries, which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine. You'll be able to communicate with the civilian command with each other. Hopefully, you'll then start producing and distributing the vaccine, and we can get to the task of rebuilding our great nation. Godspeed.
:'''Slattery''': We have the cure, sir. Dr. Scott was able to produce it right here on this ship. Guess you wouldn't have any need for it yourself. The rest of the world, the ones who aren't lucky enough to be naturally immune... We got to Norfolk, we found pilots, we sent doses around the country and to Europe, as we were ordered to do. The project to mass-produce the cure was well under way, and then we ran into some problems. This is a recording made by one of our scientists. He was trying to get a message through to Dr. Scott. ''[replays Dr Hunter's entire desperate message to Rachel]'' You might recognize that Irish accent. Those were Sean Ramsey's people. They gained access to our secret network, the location of all our labs, and they blew them up with their long-range missiles. Destroyed our limited infrastructure, murdered our scientists... All because they believe that they are the inheritors of the earth. That's why Captain Chandler rescued you from the Ramseys. I can only assume you knew nothing about this. I mean, if you did... This is a comprehensive look at Dr. Scott's protocols, experiments, and trials. Complete Captain's logs, combat center records, including our attempt at a response to the Ramseys' assault on our labs. It's not easy to listen to, but I think it'll be informative. I'll let the Captain know that you've been briefed. ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tom Chandler talks to President Michener about what happened to him in the early stages of the pandemic]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': You blame yourself. You think you could've done something differently. Somehow, all those people would be alive... Your wife, your daughters? What could you have done differently, Jeff?
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Chandler''': We're going to New Orleans. And you're going to help us defeat whoever it is that twisted you all around, but we are never gonna get there until you face whatever it is you can't let go of.
:'''Michener''': There's nothing... Nothing to let go of! 
:'''Chandler''': It was your son, wasn't it?
:'''Michener''': He was in Michigan. Summer session at the [[University of Michigan|university]].
:'''Chandler''': You had him brought down to Florida.
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': Against CDC protocols!!
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': There was no way to test him, but he seemed okay, and you let him in the stadium.
:'''Michener''': That's not... that's not what happened! 
:'''Chandler''': I have the records from the White House.
:'''Michener''': No, you're wrong!
:'''Chandler''': Two days after you brought him to Florida, there was a massive outbreak in Ann Arbor. 
:'''Michener''': No, please! Please! That's not what happened!
:'''Chandler''': The security details... they were lax! You couldn't have known. He infected everyone in that stadium... it was hot! They were careless with their masks! Your wife, your daughters.
:'''Michener''': Please! No! No!
:'''Chandler''': It was all on you.
:'''Michener''': That's not what happened! Stop it!
:'''Chandler''': You were the one who was supposed to protect everybody.
:'''Michener''': Stop it.
:'''Chandler''': And then you stumbled into the immunes, and they told you that it was all meant to be and that you were chosen and your children were not and that all of this was destiny. And it was easy for you to believe because you needed to believe it...
:'''Michener''': Because it was the only way to go on.
:'''Chandler''': There's another way now. With us.
:'''Michener''': I killed my daughters.
:'''Chandler''': I know.
:'''Michener''': No. No. You don't.
:'''Chandler''': Then tell me. It's just you and me... Nobody else. Tell me.
:'''Michener''': After my son died... And my daughters started getting the symptoms... My wife... She begged me to put them out of their misery b-b-before it became... And I did it. ''[Voice breaking]'' With my own bare hands. I smothered them in their sleep. But Hollie... She woke up. A-and she struggled. And that's the last thing she ever felt was her father betraying her. ''[Sniffles]'' So... What do you say about that?

===''Valkyrie'' [2.11]===
:''[The Nathan James receives a strange broadcast amidst distress calls from New Orleans]''
:'''Sean Ramsey''': People of the surrounding area, my name is Sean Ramsey. I'm a lieutenant commander in the British Royal Navy. I came here as an ally of your United States Navy, but that was before I learned the truth. About the secret lab experiments, the release of the deadly virus by your military, and the subsequent government cover-up. By now, many of you will have seen the horrible video captured by witnesses on the scene. The US Navy ship that attacked New Orleans harbor was flying the American flag, but it doesn't represent you good people. That ship is a key part of a larger conspiracy to take over this country, and it won't be stopped until you are dead and a new world order is established. I know it's heartbreaking and Difficult to believe. But soon, you will have more evidence of the US Navy's role in creating the deadly virus. That is why we have created this mobile network to get out the truth... I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We Brits have not forgotten our special relationship with America... And to the captain of the USS Nathan James, who has kidnapped the American president and wreaked havoc on this great nation, hear this. We are coming for you. You cannot hide from justice. No matter where you go, there will be no safe harbor.

===''A More Perfect Union'' [2.13]===
:''[President Michener makes a video message]''
:'''US President Jeffrey Michener''': This is President Jeffrey Michener addressing all Americans from the Navy ship the USS Nathan James, which is now entering the heart of this great nation, the Mississippi river. We are survivors of this great plague, just as you are. We have struggled, just as you have, and we still have great hope in the future, just as you do. I know that you've stayed alive this long by isolating yourselves... And your families, that many of you have been living in fear, Fear of the virus, fear of each other... Fear of the unknown. There have been people out there who have taken advantage of that. Despicable rumors and misleading videos have been broadcast from this network, lies designed to manipulate you, to make you believe that this ship and the people on it are your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men and women on this ship are some of the bravest, noblest that I have ever met, and it is an outrage that their commitment to bring all of us the cure has been undermined by those who thrive on your fear. I can tell you now that we do have the cure for the Red Flu. Attached to this message is video footage where you can see for yourself our doctor attending and curing patients sick with the virus. It is our mission now to spread this cure to as many of you as we can. At noon tomorrow, the 18th, we expect to land at the docks in Vicksburg, where we will remain in port for six hours. On the 20th, we'll arrive in Tennessee. We have made contact with a few brave citizens at the college of Memphis. Our team will meet people there at 9:00 A.M., again, for a period of six hours. We'll end our journey at 10:00 A.M. the following day, the 21st, at the port of St. Louis. It's time to turn the tide and the bloodshed, put the past behind us, and heal this great nation, all of us together. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Scott is heading back to her room, but encounters a strange man]''
:'''Man''': Hi. Are you the lady who made the cure?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Yes. 
:'''Man''': Can I get it?
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, weren't you in the park earlier?
:'''Man''': No. I missed the party.
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, with so many people exposed, it's likely you caught it just walking into the hotel.
:'''Man''': Still, I'd like to get it from you... ''[walks closer]'' For history and all. How close do you have to be?
:'''Dr Scott''': Uh... That's close enough.
:'''Man''': Yeah. I think so. ''Sic semper tyrannis! [pulls out pistol and shoots Scott, then leaves her dead]''

==Season 5==
===''Casus Belli'' [5.1]===
:''[Admiral Chandler lectures in the US Naval Academy about the Peloponnesian War]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is how war begins. Athens and Sparta fought during a plague which wiped out much of the population. - Sound familiar? But the war brought only more death and destruction because people let their fear, their honor, their interest cloud their judgment. The Peloponnesian War may be ancient history, but its lessons are not. You here will be the first graduating class of midshipmen to enter the Navy since our own troubles ended just three years ago. We're in a time of peace, but peace doesn't keep itself. Ours is a small navy, which means... your importance to the mission is even larger. And you will take the lessons from history, both ancient and very recent, with you as you enter service. When you put on the uniform, you can't let your fear or your pride or your selfish interest lead you astray, or people die. We have to think differently because we are different. We are warriors.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tavo Barros makes a speech in the wake of the Fleet Week sneak attack]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': I will now speak directly to our enemies in a language they can understand. Americans, you are on notice. The people of Central and South America are united! We will no longer cower in fear of your big stick. For you do not offer us protection, but enslavement. Today marks the beginning of a new equilibrium. Gran Colombia will no longer sit at the children's table of international politics. It is our turn! Be warned. If the United States wants a fight, you will lose. For in the words of [[Simón Bolívar]], a people who love their freedom will, in the end, be free. And we are united... as a continent... to fight for that freedom. We are one nation under God! ''La Gran Colombia! Al Norte!''

===''Fog of War'' [5.2]===
:''[Commander Green address the Nathan James crew]''
:'''CDR Kara Foster-Green''': Many of you here are new to the Navy... new to this ship. Some of you, we've been here before. Either way, what happened in Mayport is not something you ever get used to. It hurts. And it was meant to hurt. That's what our enemy wanted to do. And today, he succeeded. It caught us off guard, sent a powerful message, trying to shake our resolve. But a war isn't lost because we're hurt. For over three years, the United States Navy has built, sustained, and protected its war-fighting culture. This attack doesn't change that. In fact, it will once again bring out the best in us. Our enemies have underestimated us. And if you doubt that, look back at the past few years. Look at the people who've been on this ship. When trouble arises, we have proven time and time again, no matter the enemy, no matter the odds, one ship can do it. This ship can do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Admiral Chandler summons to USSOUTHCOM a USNA midshipman who submitted a term paper to him about a future cyberattack]''
:'''Midshipman Clayton Swain''': Admiral Chandler?
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': Mr. Swain, before the planes came, the US was the victim of a cyberattack. It killed our satellites, shut down our anti-access and area denial systems, and destroyed weapons control on all our networked assets... ships, tanks, planes, helos, Aegis, and missile silos. 
:'''Swain''': Whoa. 
:'''Chandler''': Your theory was correct. Grab your things and come with me. You're gonna be here awhile. Do you need to call anyone?
:'''Swain''': I forgot to ask. 
:'''Chandler''':Are you married? Do you live with your folks?
:'''Swain''': No, sir. I'm not married, and, uh, my parents died in the plague.
:'''Chandler''': Right.
:'''Swain''': You wrote that U.S. military installations were extremely vulnerable to cyberattacks.
:'''Chandler''': That was my conclusion, sir. It had to do with the number of nodes and the redundancies...
:'''Swain''':  I need you to find the virus, where it came from, and how to get rid of it. You'll be working with Commander Granderson. Good luck, Mr. Swain.
:'''Chandler''': Oh. Raise your right hand. POTUS usually does this, but he's not here, so... Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
:'''Swain''': I do. 
:'''Chandler''': Congratulations, ''Ensign'' Swain. You are now a member of the United States Navy. Get to work.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[US SOUTHCOM and Admiral Chandler is informed of a call from the Nathan James broadcast in the clear
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This isn't a secure channel, Mike. 
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Yeah, I know. I finally got around to reading your favorite book. You got your copy handy?
:'''Chandler''': Hold on. Ensign Swain, do you have your copy of &quot;Moby-Dick&quot;? 
:'''ENS Clayton Swain''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Turn to page 366, nine paragraphs down. Last words.
:'''Chandler''': Working on it.
:'''Slattery''': This is how we're gonna have to communicate for the time being.
:'''Chandler''': Understood. Smart play, Mike. Well? What's the message?
:'''Swain''': &quot;Fit for a fight.&quot;
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Tom, is the message clear?
:'''Chandler''': Yes, it is. We read you loud and clear.
:'''Slattery''': We'll be in touch.

===''El Puente'' [5.3]===
:''[A spitball incident in the Nathan James mess hall between the Cuban and Mexican envoys gets too personal and the crew tries hard to separate them]''
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Now, you listen to me. You and your men are gonna cut this shit out, you're gonna bury the hatchet. you're gonna make a deal, or I promise you, you will be swimming home. Escort them to the wardroom. Move! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James successfully fights off a Gran Colombian airstrike]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is Nathan James, calling Gustavo Barros. We just took out your airwing, and you didn't lay a glove on us. And you can mark that up along with your Corvette. Payback for Mayport. You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You know why? Because you can't. And now Mexico and Cuba have joined the fight. So this message goes out to all of Central and South America. There is a choice now. Join us. Send Gustavo back into the dirt hole he crawled out of. We fight for peace. But make no mistake... we will fight. And this ship and this crew? They're damn good at it. So, Gustavo... come at us again. I dare you. This is Nathan James. Out. ''[to bridge crew]'' Now, they know who we are, where we are. Let's be ready for what they throw at us. 
:'''Bridge crew''': Aye, sir.
:'''Chandler''' Nobody's talking about going home now. It's a good day.

===''Tropic of Cancer'' [5.4]===
:''[Alisha Granderson has figured out that the Fleet Week cyberattack was attributed to Kelsi visiting her in the office two days before - and confronts her at home]''
:'''CDR Alisha Granderson''': I didn't want to believe it. All those questions. &quot;Is Nathan James okay?&quot; &quot;Is Tom Chandler alive?&quot; &quot;Tell me, tell, me, tell me.&quot; You used me as a weapon. How long?
:'''Kelsi Baker''': Since before we met.
:'''Granderson''': Why? How?!
:'''Baker''': It was my duty. Surely, you can understand that.
:'''Granderson''': You're insane.
:'''Baker''': I'm insane? No. Insane is believing in lies and closing your eyes to the truth. Insane is having blind faith in a corrupt power structure. No, we need... What the people yearn for is an awakening. Have you heard Tavo speak? Have you heard his message? &quot;The first step towards tyranny&quot; &quot;is to believe&quot; &quot;the government will take care of everything.&quot;
:'''Granderson''': Kelsi, did I mean nothing to you?
:'''Baker''': Oh, I did care about you, Alisha. You should know that. And for awhile there, I thought I loved you, but... you and me, what we are... That doesn't even matter. Not now.

===''Warriors'' [5.5]===
:''[As Vulture team tries to hide in a Jamaican rum cellar from Gran Colombia invasion forces, Chandler talks to war strategist Dr Manuel Montano]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I was gonna wait till we were on the flight home, but it looks like we got a couple minutes, so let's take some time. You're the architect of Gustavo's war machine. What's the sequel to Plan Azul? Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas?
:'''Dr Manuel Montano''': I fight for the Latin American people. So that we will no longer be dependent on the whims of the north.
:'''Chandler''': Now you sound like your boss.
:'''Montano''': You're a man of war, Admiral. And a professor, as I understand. You tell me... how many invasions, bombs, coups, CIA black ops, and other interventions does it take before people push back?
:'''Chandler''': America's not your enemy.
:'''Montano''': America is a continent, not a country, Admiral. Learn that... maybe you'll understand La Revolución. Gustavo's not a revolutionary. He's not fighting to right old wrongs.
:'''Chandler''': He's a strong man and an opportunist, and he's killing more of your people than ours. 
:'''Montano''': I did not say I support Gustavo.
:'''Chandler''': You're not in Jamaica guarding Gustavo's secrets. You're running away.
:'''Montano''': Yes, Admiral.
:'''Chandler''': In another of the great post-plague ironies, one of the great strategists of war has become a pacifist.
:'''Montano''': The first time I heard him speak was in his home town. A little place called Rubi. He was a man of humble beginnings, speaking of hope, belonging... Listening to Tavo was a revelation. He put words to the pain and the shame of the South American experience... all we'd been feeling for so long. The plans we made together were going to do great good.
:'''Chandler''': So what changed?
:'''Montano''': Tavo changed.
:'''Chandler''': Or he stopped hiding his true intentions.
:'''Montano''': And it wasn't just rebels being killed, it was whole villages... anyone who fed into Tavo's paranoia. You can only see a child be burned alive so many times before you question your part in it all.
:'''Chandler''': You know his next moves. Help me stop him, help me end this.
:'''Montano''': If I help you, will that save my nation?
:'''Chandler''': If you don't, will your nation still be worth saving?
:'''Montano''': If I join you... I'm still an instrument of death. The only difference is the person delivering it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback to a scene at the Chandler home. Admiral Chandler is in a heated argument with daughter Ashley]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I just don't know what it is you're telling me. What are you telling me? ''[Ashley walks off]'' Get back here, I'm talking to you! Come back here, I'm talking to you. 
:'''Ashley Chandler''': Mom knew it, too! She knew you hated being home. You were never happy unless you were on your damn ship!
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry I'm the one you got stuck with. I'm sorry your mom died!
:'''Ashley''': And you weren't here.
:'''Tom''': Ashley. Ashley....
:'''Ashley''': You don't belong here. You belong out there.

===''Air Drop'' [5.6]===
:''[Gustavo Barros is interviewed]''
:'''Reporter''': I'm curious if your thinking has changed or if you regret starting a war with the United States.
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': We didn't start this war.
:'''Reporter''': You sank a US fleet in Mayport on the very day that your loyalists murder the duly-elected leader of Panama. That sounds textbook.
:'''Barros''': Mayport wasn't an attack, nor was it the beginning. You're young, but smart enough to know the US's history of murder and political insurrection in Latin America. [[w:1954 Guatemalan coup d'état|Guatemala '54]], [[w:Bay of Pigs invasion|Cuba '61]], [[w:Dominican Civil War|D.R. '65]], [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|Chile '73]], [[w:United_States_and_state-sponsored_terrorism|Nicaragua '82]], [[w:United_States_invasion_of_Grenada|Grenada '83]]. This war is a battle for the survival of the people of Gran Colombia. 
:'''Reporter''': So, is this your justification for the forced conscription, the purges, the death squads?
:'''Barros''': Where do you get this information from?
:'''Reporter''': Several accounts from defectors...
:'''Barros''': Defectors from what? Our borders are not closed. People are free to come and go as they wish.
:'''Reporter''': Their accounts are remarkably consistent.
:'''Barros''': This isn't a war of public opinion. This is about taking a fresh look at the world... Post-virus, post-famine. It's about adjusting the balance. United States have been bullies for too long. This movement is a rebirth. Take your camera and your notepad and go to the countryside. Go to the cities of Central and South America and see the pride in people's faces. Freedom from tyranny is what they demanded. And it's what I'm giving them. And I'm inviting the people of all of the Americas to join.

===''Courage'' [5.9]===
:''[General Hector Martinez is summoned along with the entire Gran Colombia high command to dinner with President Barros, but when he notices that the other generals are absent...]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Bad news, Hector. The generals? They were plotting against me.
:'''General Hector Martinez''': Who, Tavo?
:'''Barros''': Eat, Hector. Gazpacho shouldn't be allowed to warm to room temperature. It's good.
:'''Martinez''': There must be a mistake. You're telling me there was a coup amongst my generals?
:'''Barros''': ''Your'' generals? I hope they aren't your generals, Hector. No. They're cowards. And I warned you against them. 
:'''Martinez''': ''[Spanish]'' Are you sure? I've known these men a very long time. I would have heard something.
:'''Barros''': There is no mistake, Hector.
:'''Martinez''': So you have proof?
:'''Barros''': Conchita saw it. In the cards.
:'''Martinez''': Tavo. We cannot play with men's lives. These cards cannot always be trusted.
:'''Barros''': They confessed. Chacon, Bianchi, Rodriguez, Munos, Moreno. Every single one of them.
:'''Martinez''': Oh, my God.
:'''Barros''': But it doesn't matter, not really. All I wanted to know... the only thing I asked them before I removed their intestines was, did Hector know? Of course, none of them gave you up. But they gave each other up real quick. But you? Not you. Then I started feeling bad. For doubting you. ''[sees Maza distraught]'' It's... it's okay.
:'''Martinez''': No, no, no, no. With all the pressure from the war, I've...
:'''Barros''': I know I've gone a little crazy. And I'm sorry about that.
:'''Martinez''': You don't have to apologize, Tavo. I support you. Always.
:'''Barros''': Of course you do. Of course, I know. That is why I want you to lead the investigation to see just how far down this conspiracy goes. I want it torn out by the roots!
:'''Martinez''': ''Sí'', Tavo. I will handle it personally. Like always.
:'''Barros''': Like always. Conchita. ''[Conchita leaves]'' Hector, my friend. My brother. ''[Barros' bodyguard suddenly stabs Martinez]'' If you're gonna stab a man in the back, the least that you can do is look him in the eye!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nina talks to Admiral Chandler about the war film showing for the sailors and Marines on the eve of the Gran Colombia invasion]''
:'''Nina Garside''': Guess Gator's got the right idea. Try and keep their minds off things, even just for a few hours. So, tell me, Admiral. What's going through your head on the night before D-Day?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Nathan James.
:'''Garside''': The ship?
:'''Chandler''': The sailor. Ship's namesake. Captain Nathan James skippered a PT boat during the war in the Pacific. His fleet was decimated. His boat was all that was left standing against nine Japanese destroyers. The boat sank beneath him. Not before he stopped the enemy's advance. He single-handedly saved a fleet of newly-repaired American destroyers coming out of Pearl Harbor carrying thousands of sailors into the fight. Captain James said, &quot;war is a beast.&quot; It appears in many forms. Sometimes it's the beast you face head on, out on the field of battle. As equals. Sometimes the beast hides out. Lurking somewhere in the deep, biding its time &quot;until, when your guard is dropped, it comes for you.&quot; &quot;Bloodthirsty and merciless.&quot; &quot;And it drags you under. On any given day, you never know which beast you're gonna face.&quot; 
:'''Garside''': Which beast is it for you, Admiral?

===''Commitment'' [5.10]===
:''[Sasha Cooper and Danny Green have cornered Gustavo Barros]''
:'''Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Where is he... Tom Chandler? Where is he? 
:'''Danny Green''': He couldn't be bothered. 
:'''Sasha Cooper''': The war's over. Your army surrendered. Your turn.
:'''Tavo''': I will only surrender to Tom Chandler, soldier to soldier.
:'''Green''': We'll send your regards. Get on the floor. Now. ''[shoots Tavo when he tries to reach for a pistol; as he dies] Viva Tavo.''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Nathan James is destroyed, Admiral Chandler is in a near-death dream sequence where he witnesses footage of himself being relieved of command in front of the crew]''
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': I'm proud to honor you today for your service to the U.S. Navy, our great nation, and the world. Captain Chandler, are you ready to be relieved of command?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Who am I passing off command to?
:'''Commander Alicia Granderson''': We have the watch, sir. 
:''[band plays Adagio for Strings as certain people stand up]''
:'''Captain Andrea Garnett''': We have the watch. 
:'''LTJG Will Mason''': We have the watch. 
:'''Petty Officer Cosetti''': We have the watch. 
:'''Lieutenant Commander Barker''': We have the watch. 
:'''Chief Hospital Corpsman Doc Rios''': We have the watch. 
:'''Commander Carlton Burk''': We have the watch, sir. 
:'''Admiral Joseph Meylan''': Bosun, stand by to pipe the side. Shipmates going ashore. ''[everybody stands up]''
:'''President Michener''': It's time, pal. God bless you and God bless America.

== Cast ==
* Eric Dane - CDR/CAPT/ADM Thomas Chandler, USN 
* Rhona Mitra - Dr Rachel Scott
* Adam Baldwin - CDR/CAPT/ADM Mike Slattery, USN

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Last Ship (TV series)}} 
* {{imdb title|2402207|The Last Ship TV series}}
* {{official website|http://www.thelastshiptnt.com/}}

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'''''[[w:The_Last_Ship_(TV_series)|The Last Ship]]''''' (2014-2018) is an American action drama television series formerly airing on TNT, based on a book of the same name by William Brinkley. The plot revolves around the crew of the US Navy destroyer ''USS Nathan James'' as they struggle to survive in a pandemic-hit world.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Phase Six'' [1.1] ===
:''[Commander Chandler is livid that Dr Scott has not been honest about her work in the Arctic despite having fought off an attack by Russian forces]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': ''[grabs Scott's biosamples case]'' I swear to God, I will throw this overboard! I want answers!
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': You want answers? Seven months ago, outside Cairo, there was an outbreak-- a virus of unknown origin. Its genetic structure was like nothing any of us had ever seen. It swept throughout the village, killing everyone that it infected. Egyptian officials claimed the outbreak was contained, but it wasn't. Instead, it continued to mutate and spread. The CDC and the WHO wanted to sample the virus from the victims to create a vaccine. But nothing worked. It was my belief that we needed to find the primordial strain here in the Arctic.
:'''Chandler''': The birds.
:'''Scott''': They're just the carriers. They pick up the virus from the melting permafrost. We finally found their feeding ground.
:'''Chandler''': So you have what you need to stop this thing?
:'''Scott''': I won't know until we get it back to the lab. We're running out of time. The virus back home is moving quicker than any of us could've imagined.
:'''Chandler''': How would you know that? We've been radio silent since we left Norfolk.
:'''Scott''':  Because I have my own sat phone.
:'''Chandler''': We were at EMCON so no one would know our position!
:'''Scott''': We were at EMCON to protect my mission... Not yours. Orders came from the White House.
:'''Chandler''': Well, you led the Russians right to us and endangered my entire crew.
:'''Scott''': It was imperative that I stay in contact with the labs back home to keep them informed of my progress. I don't think you understand what we're talking about here.
:'''Chandler''': Enlighten me.
:'''Scott''': When we left Norfolk, the virus was at Phase Two, limited to small clusters in Asia and Africa. We are now at Phase Six-- global pandemic. 80% of the world's population is infected. The world is sick, Captain Chandler... Very sick.
:'''Chandler''': Are you telling me the whole world is dying, and they send two people to save it?
:'''Scott''': It took weeks to convince the government to even send me here. Most of my colleagues think that I'm insane.
:'''Chandler''': Are you?
:'''Scott''': I told you... that what's in that case... might be the only hope that we have.

=== ''Welcome to Gitmo'' [1.2]===
:''[having secured Guantanamo Bay of the former Al-Qaeda prisoners]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I don't know how you feel about the water... but we sure could use your services.
:'''Tex Nolan''': Where you headed?
:'''Chandler''': We got some things to do, but when we're done, we're going home.
:'''Nolan''': Yeah, I'll sign up for that.

===''Dead Reckoning'' [1.3]=== 
:''[Commander Chandler talks to Doctor Scott about Admiral Ruskov's demands]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Who else has been working on a vaccine?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''':  What, in the world? Everyone.
:'''Chandler''':  What about the Russians? Were they close?
:'''Scott''': I mean, nobody was making any real progress. And I hate to say it, but they're probably all dead anyway. Why?
:'''Chandler''': If somebody had the primordial strain of the virus, the stuff you found in the ice, could they make a vaccine?
:'''Scott''': I suppose, if they had the right equipment and someone qualified to run it. But they'd be months behind us.

===''We'll Get There'' [1.4]=== 
:''[Flashback to Commander Chandler's preparations to leave for the Arctic deployment]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Darien, I'm not going to the Med. Navy's sending us to the Arctic.
:'''Darien Chandler''': The Arctic? That's crazy.
:'''Tom''': Some cold-weather test on a new weapon system. It's all classified. It's happening very fast. We're gonna be at complete radio silence. No e-mails, no calls.
:'''Darien''': For how long?
:'''Tom''': Six months, maybe five.
:'''Darien''': Figures.
:'''Tom''': It's my last tour for a while. Then I'll be around the house so much, you'll be sick of me, I promise.

===''El Toro'' [1.5]=== 
:''[The team has been caught by el Toro's men]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I'm guessing you must be El Toro.
:'''El Toro''': I am, indeed. And who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
:'''Chandler''': Tom Chandler, U.S. Navy. Your men took our weapons, CBR suits, and equipment. We're gonna need 'em back.
:'''El Toro''': You won't need your suits. There is no virus here. As for your weapons, I cannot have your men walking around with machine guns. That would frighten my people.
:'''Chandler''': Well, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. The remainder of my crew, some 200-odd U.S. Navy sailors, await our return aboard our destroyer, U.S.S. Nathan James, currently in the bay at the mouth of the river. We don't return by 2300 hours, they'll come looking. And rest assured, they will find us.

===''Lockdown'' [1.6]=== 
:''[Chandler talks to the crew over the PA after Dr Scott shows him some prototypes of a Red Flu vaccine]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Good evening, Nathan James. This is the captain. I wanted to inform you all of our progress in the mission. As you know, a small team entered Nicaragua to find primates for Dr. Scott's test, which she hopes will be a vaccine against the virus. While there, we encountered a drug lord who enslaved 150 people. We eliminated his men and we eliminated him, freeing those healthy people there to establish a life for themselves. We also encountered several dozen infected people, including children. Yesterday, we couldn't help them. But perhaps tomorrow, we will be able to, because we came back to the Nathan James with 34 monkeys. Dr. Scott will now conduct her trials on those monkeys. But we... We are not waiting. We're setting a course for home. By the time we get there, we believe Dr. Scott will have a vaccine, and our mission will be completed. Today's a good day. Carry on. 

===''SOS'' [1.7]=== 
:''[Flashback to Oslo, Norway, six months before the outbreak]''
:'''Niels Sorensen''': I don't understand why you won't listen to me. It's a splice overlap PCR reaction with an immune-modulatory gene. It will help the body identify the virus and create antibodies.
:'''Professor Lindblom''': Yes, yes. You are young and have a bright career ahead. And don't waste your time with schoolboy science fiction.
:'''Sorensen''': The virus is spreading. There are cases being reported beyond the Middle East. It will be in Oslo by winter. It is deadly and will likely mutate. We...
:'''Lindblom''': Niels. I am well aware of what's at stake. But what you are proposing is too dangerous. The Australians tried it on mouse pox. It was a complete disaster.
:'''Sorensen''': I've already done the experiment.
:'''Lindblom''': What?
:'''Sorensen''': On myself.
:'''Lindblom''': While you were gone. And it worked.
:'''Sorensen''': You are mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm still here.
:'''Sorensen''': Absolutely mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm perfectly healthy. Professor Lindblom, please.
:'''Sorensen''': You stay away from my lab. You hear me? I am finished with you! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lindblom''': Professor..

===''Two Sailors Walk Into a Bar...'' [1.8]===
:''[The Russians have captured Commander Chandler and brought him to Admiral Ruskov aboard the Vyerni]''
:'''ADM Konstantin Ruskov''': I'd like to treat you with the respect your rank affords, but you are going to have to meet me halfway. Now, tell me of Dr. Scott's progress with the vaccine. She's close, right?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
:'''Ruskov''': There is no need for that. The Geneva Convention doesn't exist anymore. Hell, ''Geneva'' doesn't exist anymore! ''[laughs]'' Ah... Still won't talk? See, I told you. He would rather go it alone and die than share in the glory of saving the world. Why else would you, the ship's captain, personally lead the mission to save some poor island girl? Like with all tragic heroes, your hubris brought about your downfall. What do you have to say to that, Commander Chandler?
:'''Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
 
===''Trials'' [1.9]===
:''[CMC Jeter remembers PO Cossetti]''
:'''Command Master Chief Russ Jeter''': The ceremony will be at 0900. We'll have seven guns and the ensigns at half-mast. It'll be a hero's farewell. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': He wanted to redeem himself. 
:'''Jeter''': He never had to. 
:'''Chandler''': He gave his life for mine.
:'''Jeter''': He gave his life for the mission. And now we're free...
:'''Chandler''': To finish it.

===''No Place Like Home'' [1.10]=== 
:''[After seeing that USAMRIID's biological facility has been destroyed, the crew suddenly receives a call from the still-functioning local government]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': This is Tom Chandler, commanding officer of the USS Nathan James, over.
:'''Amy Granderson''': Captain Chandler. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. We thought you were lost at sea.
:'''Chandler''': No, ma'am, we're alive and well.
:'''Granderson''': Oh! There you are. I got it. You must be nearby. I'm Amy Granderson. And I suppose an explanation is in order. As vice-chair of the President's defense policy board, I was briefed on your mission to the Arctic. I knew the risks of the coming pandemic, and I had my daughter transferred to your ship. You must forgive me.
:'''Chandler''': No apology needed, ma'am. Your daughter's been an incredible asset. Pleased to hear from you. We had no word from the presidential bunker.
:'''Granderson''': President Geller invited me underground. I declined. I-I felt the risk was too big to have so much of our civilian and military command in one confined space. Unfortunately, I was right.
:'''Chandler''': So the government is gone.
:'''Granderson''': For the most part, yes. Since the bunker went silent, there has been a breakdown of infrastructure, general panic, and, of course, a tremendous loss of life. I have tried to execute a contingency plan working with the state and local police to create safe zones. We have been hanging on as best we can. And I have been praying every day for your return.

==Season 2==
===''Unreal City'' [2.1]===
:''[Dr Scott is trying to talk to Amy Granderson]''
:'''Amy Granderson''': We have successfully taken control of the Nathan James. My people are collecting all your work as we speak. Now, with your research and your samples, Dr. Hamada and his team will eventually learn to make the cure themselves. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just agreed to work together?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Work together? What, on your Darwinian experiment? Save those that you deem worthy and, what, just forget the rest?
:'''Granderson''': Perhaps I was overzealous in... &quot;barbarians at the gate,&quot; I believe, is what you called them. Doctor, I watched a grown man b*at a 12-year-old boy to death over a gas mask. I saw a woman stab her sister in the back for a can of beans. The apocalypse is here. It's been here for a long time. But I am willing to adjust my philosophy to suit your sensibilities if you just help me get the lab up and running.
:'''Scott''': What about the captain? And my friends?
:'''Granderson''': The best thing you can do for your friends is to let them know you've decided to cooperate with me. That will end this foolish bloodshed.
:'''Scott''':You say you'll help everyone?
:'''Granderson''':I will.
:'''Scott''': Well, then, prove it.
:'''Granderson''': And how do you suggest I do that?
:'''Scott''': You're wasting doses here on healthy people. Let me out into the street with what I have left... save people who are already sick. What, you think I'm gonna try to escape?
:'''Granderson''': I think it's silly. And given the state of the world, I think it's small.

===''Fight the Ship'' [2.2]===
:''[Mike Slattery addresses the people of Baltimore]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Attention people of Baltimore. USS Nathan James is back under the control of her crew. This ship is now engaged in the fight to free Baltimore and spread the cure for the Red Flu to all of its citizens. This message goes out to Amy Granderson and all those loyal to her. Nathan James has been liberated and has joined the fight against you. We demand your immediate surrender. Lay down your arms... or be subject to the full force of the United States Navy.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James crew and Thorwald's men have gained the upper hand at Avocet and Granderson is cornered trying to escape]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': There are 200 more where I came from. You heard my X.O. We've taken back our ship, this building is ours, and we're telling the people of Baltimore that your kill zone at Olympia is out of business. You have two choices... a trial... or a funeral.
:'''Amy Granderson''': ''[to bodyguard]'' I gave you a direct order. Shoot! ''[bodyguard wavers and stands down]''
:'''Bodyguard''': I am not going anywhere with you.
:'''Chandler''': I found your daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, shot by your guards, under your order! My children were lined up to be murdered and sent to the ovens, along with thousands of desperate people... all so you can keep the lights on for your select few.
:'''Granderson''': You don't know! The virus was spreading! So you get to decide who lives and who dies?! There was panic, Captain, and I remained calm. Everybody was fleeing underground, but I stood firm! There was no plan and I built this. I'm the reason these people have survived this long.
:'''Chandler''': Except when you had the cure in hand, you wouldn't stop! You continued killing. It's over. Your grand social experiment is history. I'm offering you the chance. Surrender with honor.
:'''Granderson''': And who will judge me? You?
:'''Chandler''': Not me. A jury of your peers. Pick up the radio. Stand down your troopers. Shut down Olympia. Turn away your helo and come peacefully. It's the only way for you now.
:'''Granderson''': Th-this is Amy... This is Amy Granderson. Stand down. Cease and desist all operations at Olympia. Repeat... stand down. We are surrendering. ''[Radio clatters]'' I am not a monster. I am not. ''[brings out vial and swallows]'' Dr. Hamada assured me that the cocktail provided a quick and painless death. I insisted on it.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.3]===
:''[The Nathan James study all material recovered from the White House and play a video file labelled SECNAV]''
:'''[[w:Ray Mabus|Ray Mabus]]''': ''[on video]'' Is this on? Can I start now?
:'''Man''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission...
:'''CMC Russ Jeter''': It's the secretary of the Navy. 
:'''Mabus''': ...to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the current deadly pandemic. Now, if y... you're viewing this video, you are a part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign nations which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine in the event their mission is successful. In order to protect the security of the labs in the new network, your locations have been kept secret. However, you'll be able to communicate with the civilian command, with each other via secure satellite connection. The codes for that connection have been embedded within the drive that contains this video. These codes have to be guarded at all cost. If... if and when a vaccine arrives...
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': No one's decoded this yet?
:'''Lt Kara Foster''': No, sir. We didn't know those encryptions existed until just now.
:'''Chandler''': Find me those labs. Do it quickly.
:'''Foster''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Mabus''': Godspeed.

===''Solace'' [2.4]===
:''[a SEAL operator talks to the Nathan James crew about the situation in Norfolk]''
:'''Damon''': Me and my team were stationed up in Little Creek. When shit went down, we went inland. We only made it back here a few weeks ago. We got 34 military personnel in town as far as we can tell... some Army, some Marines, but mostly Navy.
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Our intel says there's a biosafety Level IV lab on base here.
:'''Damon''': There was, but the equipment got moved someplace and no one here can tell us where. We've been trying to divide the city into sectors, impose a level of control. We got people holed up in different safe houses... school gym, supermarkets, some of them even running on diesel generators. I don't know if we found them all yet, but we're still in the process of clearing the city. 
:'''Slattery''': My people are about to head out there soon, try to find their families. Any information I can give them ahead of time will be much appreciated.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a cabin in Florida, a man addresses a group of people who applaud at every line he says]''
:'''Man''': And let me tell you something else... we are more than just survivors! We are more than our grief, we are more than our loss, and we are more than our pain! Yeah. We were spared for a reason. We were spared because we were put on this earth to do something more! We were spared because we're special... because we are the rightful inheritors of the earth. This is our destiny... because we are the chosen! We are the chosen! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jed Chandler notices his son Thomas throwing out the garbage]''
:'''Jed Chandler''': Gonna be puttering around all day?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Just getting the place in order.
:'''Jed''': ''[sighs]'' Well, I thought you might just be procrastinating... 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting. Do you not realize that they... that they can't do it without you? What kind of message are you gonna send to them, that you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm? You think because you got a... a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand? The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do.
:'''Tom''': And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me.
:'''Jed''': They need you.
:'''Tom''': And they don't? ''[referring to Ashley and Sam]'' And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?
:'''Jed''': You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind? Huh? During World War II, English naval captains put their wives and children in bunkers in London and went back out to sea... to fight the Nazis for years.
:'''Tom''': Wives and children, Dad. ''The wives were there.''
:'''Jed''': ''[remembers what happened to Darien]'' I know you, and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town. So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself. There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your Ark.

===''Achilles'' [2.5]===
:''[Dr Rachel Scott makes another audio tape entry]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Hope. Such a rarified concept these days. High in demand... ''[sighs]'' And short in supply. I'm enjoying recording these logs again. Until recently, I had given up on them. With no connection to the outside world, they were serving as little more than just a diary. But now with the satellite network up and running, they have become my trusty carrier pigeons. I am happy to report that the cure has landed safely in labs across the country and in Europe, and I am on my way to you, Dr. Hunter, my friend, my mentor. We'll be stopping first in Savannah to set up a lab there, before heading down to you in Florida with the cure. As promised, I am uploading my data to the secured satellite, and I would love for you to take a look at the work we've done, and get your thoughts on faster methods for replication. Because time, as you well know, is of the essence, and millions still continue to live at risk. So take of yourself, old friend, and I'll be seeing you shortly.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Carlton Burk is visibly taken aback by IDF Lt Ravit Bivas after she and Wolf are introduced to the Vulture team]''
:'''Lt Carlton Burk''': Lieutenant Burk, Carlton.
:'''Lt Ravit Bivas''': Yeah, sounds great.
:'''Burk''': You know, when I was deployed in the Gulf, I spent some time outside Tel Aviv, a town called Gi-Va-Tayim.
:'''Bivas''': ''[Israeli accent]'' Givatayim.
:'''Burk''': Right. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Achilles has destroyed all the labs producing the vaccine, and the Nathan James crew is wondering why]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': I just tested Juan Carlos's blood. It turns out that he's naturally immune.
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': None of the mercs on Solace were CBR. Is it possible they're all immune? Everyone's like him?
:'''Scott''': I cross-referenced his blood against Bertrise's. Natural immunity, as it turns out, is a tad more common than I initially thought. Anywhere between 1% and 5% of the global population. That's how they took Europe.
:'''Chandler''': Now their mission is to destroy the cure wherever it exists, on a nuclear-powered sub that never runs out of fuel.
:'''Scott''': Yes, but we had the flash drive. How the hell did they know where those labs were? 

===''A Long Day's Journey'' [2.6]===
:''[Alisha Granderson talks to Dr Scott in the wardroom]''
:'''Lt Alisha Granderson''': It must have transmitted to the satellite right before the attack. 
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Have you watched it?
:'''Granderson''': Only long enough to know that it was for you, ma'am. But even from what I saw... It wasn't easy to watch. ''[opens video]''
:'''Dr Julius Hunter''': Rachel, oh, God, I pray this gets to you. Listen, we're... We're under attack, Rachel, but it's important... It's important that you learn this. I've been working with the data you sent me about the cure. And I think I found a way to help. Using what I learned about the measles project... Now, I know you think that's crazy, but it works. I'm sending you the data now. It's here. Look, I don't... Oh, God. Listen, Rachel. It's all worked out. All you have to do is... I just somehow pray that this file gets to you, that you get it off the server, Rachel. ''[gets interrupted]''
:'''MacDowell''': Okay. 
:'''Hunter''': Got to know that... Rachel.
:'''MacDowell''': Come on, now. Take it all. We need to find that server. Okay, doc. No. Stand up.
:'''Hunter''': Please. Please. ''[killed by gunshot]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Well, that's how they were able to get the locations of all the labs. Stole them from Dr. Hunter.
:'''Scott''': He was working on an experiment to turn my liquid injectable version of the cure into a powder so it could be released over populated areas via helicopters, planes, drones, even. I could manufacture a highly concentrated powder right here on the ship. We wouldn't even need labs anymore. So people could breathe in the cure. It would be very much like crop-dusting. Mass inoculations without glassware, needles, all the infrastructure that we no longer have. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Do you think Hunter was actually able to do it?
:'''Scott''': I know that he had some good results aerosolizing the measles vaccine, but I won't know until we get down to his lab in Florida.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Rachel Scott has an idea and presents it to Chandler]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': What's that?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': ''[Blows]'' Cornstarch from the chief's mess. It turns out the secret ingredient that I've been looking for was being used to make pancakes.
:'''Chandler''': So you found it?
:'''Scott''':Well, I have the recipe, and now all I need is to build a machine to manufacture the micro powder, so I was hoping that you might be able to lend me one or two of your capable machinists?
:'''Chandler''': I think that can be arranged. 

===''Alone and Unafraid'' [2.7]===
:''[de facto President Jeffrey Michener tries to think of his speech, with Tom Chandler protecting him]''
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': It is our responsibility as immunes to restore this great nation. And just as God chose Noah to survive the flood of the old testament, he has chosen us to survive this plague that washed away the sins of our world.&quot; 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Yes.
:'''Michener''': Do I sound convincing? Do you believe it?
:'''Chandler''': Why, yes. Of course, but I don't have Sean's charisma.
:'''Michener''': I watched his videos. I've seen the translations into Spanish, Bulgarian. You don't understand the language, but you believe what he's saying.
:'''Chandler''': Bulgaria?
:'''Michener''': He has followers everywhere. I used to do ''[[w:Meet the Press|Meet the Press]]'' every once in a while, but getting in front of crowds like this...

===''Safe Zone'' [2.8]===
:''[Jeffrey Michener has been set up in the Nathan James wardroom and wants some answers]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Commander Mike Slattery. I'm the Executive Officer of this ship.
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': I want to speak to the Captain.
:'''Slattery''': Well, he's presently indisposed... Wanted us to get acquainted till he gets here.
:'''Michener''': You are aware that kidnapping the President of the United States is a federal offense, punishable by death?
:'''Slattery''': The Captain was under the impression he was rescuing you.
:'''Michener''': At gunpoint, against my will?
:'''Slattery''': Sir, I don't think you realize who the Ramseys are or what their goal is...
:'''Michener''': You don't need to tell me anything.
:'''Slattery''': No, sir, I don't. Unless you want to be fully informed. I'd like to show you something, if I may. This is from August. She was second in succession... President then. These were her orders to us. ''[plays video file of President Geller]''
:'''President Kelly Geller''': Morning, Commander. I know... the last you heard, I was Speaker of the House. The President died two months ago, the Vice-President a week later. What's left of the Federal Government is holed up 200 feet below the White House. Most of our population, along with our armed forces, is dying or dead. We have no allies, we have no enemies... Just a world of sick, desperate people. If Dr. Scott has the makings of a cure, you must come home... now. 
:'''Slattery''': We came home. Found things not quite as hospitable as we'd hoped. No infrastructure... No government, no orders. So we went to the White House, and we were able to get our hands on many of the Presidential files and directives. This is the secretary of the Navy. I understand you... You knew him pretty well. ''[plays clip of SECNAV Ray Mabus]''
:'''Ray Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the pandemic. If you're viewing this video, you are part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign countries, which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine. You'll be able to communicate with the civilian command with each other. Hopefully, you'll then start producing and distributing the vaccine, and we can get to the task of rebuilding our great nation. Godspeed.
:'''Slattery''': We have the cure, sir. Dr. Scott was able to produce it right here on this ship. Guess you wouldn't have any need for it yourself. The rest of the world, the ones who aren't lucky enough to be naturally immune... We got to Norfolk, we found pilots, we sent doses around the country and to Europe, as we were ordered to do. The project to mass-produce the cure was well under way, and then we ran into some problems. This is a recording made by one of our scientists. He was trying to get a message through to Dr. Scott. ''[replays Dr Hunter's entire desperate message to Rachel]'' You might recognize that Irish accent. Those were Sean Ramsey's people. They gained access to our secret network, the location of all our labs, and they blew them up with their long-range missiles. Destroyed our limited infrastructure, murdered our scientists... All because they believe that they are the inheritors of the earth. That's why Captain Chandler rescued you from the Ramseys. I can only assume you knew nothing about this. I mean, if you did... This is a comprehensive look at Dr. Scott's protocols, experiments, and trials. Complete Captain's logs, combat center records, including our attempt at a response to the Ramseys' assault on our labs. It's not easy to listen to, but I think it'll be informative. I'll let the Captain know that you've been briefed. ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tom Chandler talks to President Michener about what happened to him in the early stages of the pandemic]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': You blame yourself. You think you could've done something differently. Somehow, all those people would be alive... Your wife, your daughters? What could you have done differently, Jeff?
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Chandler''': We're going to New Orleans. And you're going to help us defeat whoever it is that twisted you all around, but we are never gonna get there until you face whatever it is you can't let go of.
:'''Michener''': There's nothing... Nothing to let go of! 
:'''Chandler''': It was your son, wasn't it?
:'''Michener''': He was in Michigan. Summer session at the [[University of Michigan|university]].
:'''Chandler''': You had him brought down to Florida.
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': Against CDC protocols!!
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': There was no way to test him, but he seemed okay, and you let him in the stadium.
:'''Michener''': That's not... that's not what happened! 
:'''Chandler''': I have the records from the White House.
:'''Michener''': No, you're wrong!
:'''Chandler''': Two days after you brought him to Florida, there was a massive outbreak in Ann Arbor. 
:'''Michener''': No, please! Please! That's not what happened!
:'''Chandler''': The security details... they were lax! You couldn't have known. He infected everyone in that stadium... it was hot! They were careless with their masks! Your wife, your daughters.
:'''Michener''': Please! No! No!
:'''Chandler''': It was all on you.
:'''Michener''': That's not what happened! Stop it!
:'''Chandler''': You were the one who was supposed to protect everybody.
:'''Michener''': Stop it.
:'''Chandler''': And then you stumbled into the immunes, and they told you that it was all meant to be and that you were chosen and your children were not and that all of this was destiny. And it was easy for you to believe because you needed to believe it...
:'''Michener''': Because it was the only way to go on.
:'''Chandler''': There's another way now. With us.
:'''Michener''': I killed my daughters.
:'''Chandler''': I know.
:'''Michener''': No. No. You don't.
:'''Chandler''': Then tell me. It's just you and me... Nobody else. Tell me.
:'''Michener''': After my son died... And my daughters started getting the symptoms... My wife... She begged me to put them out of their misery b-b-before it became... And I did it. ''[Voice breaking]'' With my own bare hands. I smothered them in their sleep. But Hollie... She woke up. A-and she struggled. And that's the last thing she ever felt was her father betraying her. ''[Sniffles]'' So... What do you say about that?

===''Valkyrie'' [2.11]===
:''[The Nathan James receives a strange broadcast amidst distress calls from New Orleans]''
:'''Sean Ramsey''': People of the surrounding area, my name is Sean Ramsey. I'm a lieutenant commander in the British Royal Navy. I came here as an ally of your United States Navy, but that was before I learned the truth. About the secret lab experiments, the release of the deadly virus by your military, and the subsequent government cover-up. By now, many of you will have seen the horrible video captured by witnesses on the scene. The US Navy ship that attacked New Orleans harbor was flying the American flag, but it doesn't represent you good people. That ship is a key part of a larger conspiracy to take over this country, and it won't be stopped until you are dead and a new world order is established. I know it's heartbreaking and Difficult to believe. But soon, you will have more evidence of the US Navy's role in creating the deadly virus. That is why we have created this mobile network to get out the truth... I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We Brits have not forgotten our special relationship with America... And to the captain of the USS Nathan James, who has kidnapped the American president and wreaked havoc on this great nation, hear this. We are coming for you. You cannot hide from justice. No matter where you go, there will be no safe harbor.

===''A More Perfect Union'' [2.13]===
:''[President Michener makes a video message]''
:'''US President Jeffrey Michener''': This is President Jeffrey Michener addressing all Americans from the Navy ship the USS Nathan James, which is now entering the heart of this great nation, the Mississippi river. We are survivors of this great plague, just as you are. We have struggled, just as you have, and we still have great hope in the future, just as you do. I know that you've stayed alive this long by isolating yourselves... And your families, that many of you have been living in fear, Fear of the virus, fear of each other... Fear of the unknown. There have been people out there who have taken advantage of that. Despicable rumors and misleading videos have been broadcast from this network, lies designed to manipulate you, to make you believe that this ship and the people on it are your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men and women on this ship are some of the bravest, noblest that I have ever met, and it is an outrage that their commitment to bring all of us the cure has been undermined by those who thrive on your fear. I can tell you now that we do have the cure for the Red Flu. Attached to this message is video footage where you can see for yourself our doctor attending and curing patients sick with the virus. It is our mission now to spread this cure to as many of you as we can. At noon tomorrow, the 18th, we expect to land at the docks in Vicksburg, where we will remain in port for six hours. On the 20th, we'll arrive in Tennessee. We have made contact with a few brave citizens at the college of Memphis. Our team will meet people there at 9:00 A.M., again, for a period of six hours. We'll end our journey at 10:00 A.M. the following day, the 21st, at the port of St. Louis. It's time to turn the tide and the bloodshed, put the past behind us, and heal this great nation, all of us together. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Scott is heading back to her room, but encounters a strange man]''
:'''Man''': Hi. Are you the lady who made the cure?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Yes. 
:'''Man''': Can I get it?
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, weren't you in the park earlier?
:'''Man''': No. I missed the party.
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, with so many people exposed, it's likely you caught it just walking into the hotel.
:'''Man''': Still, I'd like to get it from you... ''[walks closer]'' For history and all. How close do you have to be?
:'''Dr Scott''': Uh... That's close enough.
:'''Man''': Yeah. I think so. ''Sic semper tyrannis! [pulls out pistol and shoots Scott, then leaves her dead]''

==Season 5==
===''Casus Belli'' [5.1]===
:''[Admiral Chandler lectures in the US Naval Academy about the Peloponnesian War]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is how war begins. Athens and Sparta fought during a plague which wiped out much of the population. - Sound familiar? But the war brought only more death and destruction because people let their fear, their honor, their interest cloud their judgment. The Peloponnesian War may be ancient history, but its lessons are not. You here will be the first graduating class of midshipmen to enter the Navy since our own troubles ended just three years ago. We're in a time of peace, but peace doesn't keep itself. Ours is a small navy, which means... your importance to the mission is even larger. And you will take the lessons from history, both ancient and very recent, with you as you enter service. When you put on the uniform, you can't let your fear or your pride or your selfish interest lead you astray, or people die. We have to think differently because we are different. We are warriors.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tavo Barros makes a speech in the wake of the Fleet Week sneak attack]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': I will now speak directly to our enemies in a language they can understand. Americans, you are on notice. The people of Central and South America are united! We will no longer cower in fear of your big stick. For you do not offer us protection, but enslavement. Today marks the beginning of a new equilibrium. Gran Colombia will no longer sit at the children's table of international politics. It is our turn! Be warned. If the United States wants a fight, you will lose. For in the words of [[Simón Bolívar]], a people who love their freedom will, in the end, be free. And we are united... as a continent... to fight for that freedom. We are one nation under God! ''La Gran Colombia! Al Norte!''

===''Fog of War'' [5.2]===
:''[Commander Green address the Nathan James crew]''
:'''CDR Kara Foster-Green''': Many of you here are new to the Navy... new to this ship. Some of you, we've been here before. Either way, what happened in Mayport is not something you ever get used to. It hurts. And it was meant to hurt. That's what our enemy wanted to do. And today, he succeeded. It caught us off guard, sent a powerful message, trying to shake our resolve. But a war isn't lost because we're hurt. For over three years, the United States Navy has built, sustained, and protected its war-fighting culture. This attack doesn't change that. In fact, it will once again bring out the best in us. Our enemies have underestimated us. And if you doubt that, look back at the past few years. Look at the people who've been on this ship. When trouble arises, we have proven time and time again, no matter the enemy, no matter the odds, one ship can do it. This ship can do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Admiral Chandler summons to USSOUTHCOM a USNA midshipman who submitted a term paper to him about a future cyberattack]''
:'''Midshipman Clayton Swain''': Admiral Chandler?
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': Mr. Swain, before the planes came, the US was the victim of a cyberattack. It killed our satellites, shut down our anti-access and area denial systems, and destroyed weapons control on all our networked assets... ships, tanks, planes, helos, Aegis, and missile silos. 
:'''Swain''': Whoa. 
:'''Chandler''': Your theory was correct. Grab your things and come with me. You're gonna be here awhile. Do you need to call anyone?
:'''Swain''': I forgot to ask. 
:'''Chandler''':Are you married? Do you live with your folks?
:'''Swain''': No, sir. I'm not married, and, uh, my parents died in the plague.
:'''Chandler''': Right.
:'''Swain''': You wrote that U.S. military installations were extremely vulnerable to cyberattacks.
:'''Chandler''': That was my conclusion, sir. It had to do with the number of nodes and the redundancies...
:'''Swain''':  I need you to find the virus, where it came from, and how to get rid of it. You'll be working with Commander Granderson. Good luck, Mr. Swain.
:'''Chandler''': Oh. Raise your right hand. POTUS usually does this, but he's not here, so... Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
:'''Swain''': I do. 
:'''Chandler''': Congratulations, ''Ensign'' Swain. You are now a member of the United States Navy. Get to work.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[US SOUTHCOM and Admiral Chandler is informed of a call from the Nathan James broadcast in the clear
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This isn't a secure channel, Mike. 
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Yeah, I know. I finally got around to reading your favorite book. You got your copy handy?
:'''Chandler''': Hold on. Ensign Swain, do you have your copy of &quot;Moby-Dick&quot;? 
:'''ENS Clayton Swain''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Turn to page 366, nine paragraphs down. Last words.
:'''Chandler''': Working on it.
:'''Slattery''': This is how we're gonna have to communicate for the time being.
:'''Chandler''': Understood. Smart play, Mike. Well? What's the message?
:'''Swain''': &quot;Fit for a fight.&quot;
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Tom, is the message clear?
:'''Chandler''': Yes, it is. We read you loud and clear.
:'''Slattery''': We'll be in touch.

===''El Puente'' [5.3]===
:''[A spitball incident in the Nathan James mess hall between the Cuban and Mexican envoys gets too personal and the crew tries hard to separate them]''
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Now, you listen to me. You and your men are gonna cut this shit out, you're gonna bury the hatchet. you're gonna make a deal, or I promise you, you will be swimming home. Escort them to the wardroom. Move! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James successfully fights off a Gran Colombian airstrike]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is Nathan James, calling Gustavo Barros. We just took out your airwing, and you didn't lay a glove on us. And you can mark that up along with your Corvette. Payback for Mayport. You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You know why? Because you can't. And now Mexico and Cuba have joined the fight. So this message goes out to all of Central and South America. There is a choice now. Join us. Send Gustavo back into the dirt hole he crawled out of. We fight for peace. But make no mistake... we will fight. And this ship and this crew? They're damn good at it. So, Gustavo... come at us again. I dare you. This is Nathan James. Out. ''[to bridge crew]'' Now, they know who we are, where we are. Let's be ready for what they throw at us. 
:'''Bridge crew''': Aye, sir.
:'''Chandler''' Nobody's talking about going home now. It's a good day.

===''Tropic of Cancer'' [5.4]===
:''[Alisha Granderson has figured out that the Fleet Week cyberattack was attributed to Kelsi visiting her in the office two days before - and confronts her at home]''
:'''CDR Alisha Granderson''': I didn't want to believe it. All those questions. &quot;Is Nathan James okay?&quot; &quot;Is Tom Chandler alive?&quot; &quot;Tell me, tell, me, tell me.&quot; You used me as a weapon. How long?
:'''Kelsi Baker''': Since before we met.
:'''Granderson''': Why? How?!
:'''Baker''': It was my duty. Surely, you can understand that.
:'''Granderson''': You're insane.
:'''Baker''': I'm insane? No. Insane is believing in lies and closing your eyes to the truth. Insane is having blind faith in a corrupt power structure. No, we need... What the people yearn for is an awakening. Have you heard Tavo speak? Have you heard his message? &quot;The first step towards tyranny&quot; &quot;is to believe&quot; &quot;the government will take care of everything.&quot;
:'''Granderson''': Kelsi, did I mean nothing to you?
:'''Baker''': Oh, I did care about you, Alisha. You should know that. And for awhile there, I thought I loved you, but... you and me, what we are... That doesn't even matter. Not now.

===''Warriors'' [5.5]===
:''[As Vulture team tries to hide in a Jamaican rum cellar from Gran Colombia invasion forces, Chandler talks to war strategist Dr Manuel Montano]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I was gonna wait till we were on the flight home, but it looks like we got a couple minutes, so let's take some time. You're the architect of Gustavo's war machine. What's the sequel to Plan Azul? Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas?
:'''Dr Manuel Montano''': I fight for the Latin American people. So that we will no longer be dependent on the whims of the north.
:'''Chandler''': Now you sound like your boss.
:'''Montano''': You're a man of war, Admiral. And a professor, as I understand. You tell me... how many invasions, bombs, coups, CIA black ops, and other interventions does it take before people push back?
:'''Chandler''': America's not your enemy.
:'''Montano''': America is a continent, not a country, Admiral. Learn that... maybe you'll understand La Revolución. Gustavo's not a revolutionary. He's not fighting to right old wrongs.
:'''Chandler''': He's a strong man and an opportunist, and he's killing more of your people than ours. 
:'''Montano''': I did not say I support Gustavo.
:'''Chandler''': You're not in Jamaica guarding Gustavo's secrets. You're running away.
:'''Montano''': Yes, Admiral.
:'''Chandler''': In another of the great post-plague ironies, one of the great strategists of war has become a pacifist.
:'''Montano''': The first time I heard him speak was in his home town. A little place called Rubi. He was a man of humble beginnings, speaking of hope, belonging... Listening to Tavo was a revelation. He put words to the pain and the shame of the South American experience... all we'd been feeling for so long. The plans we made together were going to do great good.
:'''Chandler''': So what changed?
:'''Montano''': Tavo changed.
:'''Chandler''': Or he stopped hiding his true intentions.
:'''Montano''': And it wasn't just rebels being killed, it was whole villages... anyone who fed into Tavo's paranoia. You can only see a child be burned alive so many times before you question your part in it all.
:'''Chandler''': You know his next moves. Help me stop him, help me end this.
:'''Montano''': If I help you, will that save my nation?
:'''Chandler''': If you don't, will your nation still be worth saving?
:'''Montano''': If I join you... I'm still an instrument of death. The only difference is the person delivering it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback to a scene at the Chandler home. Admiral Chandler is in a heated argument with daughter Ashley]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I just don't know what it is you're telling me. What are you telling me? ''[Ashley walks off]'' Get back here, I'm talking to you! Come back here, I'm talking to you. 
:'''Ashley Chandler''': Mom knew it, too! She knew you hated being home. You were never happy unless you were on your damn ship!
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry I'm the one you got stuck with. I'm sorry your mom died!
:'''Ashley''': And you weren't here.
:'''Tom''': Ashley. Ashley....
:'''Ashley''': You don't belong here. You belong out there.

===''Air Drop'' [5.6]===
:''[Gustavo Barros is interviewed]''
:'''Reporter''': I'm curious if your thinking has changed or if you regret starting a war with the United States.
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': We didn't start this war.
:'''Reporter''': You sank a US fleet in Mayport on the very day that your loyalists murder the duly-elected leader of Panama. That sounds textbook.
:'''Barros''': Mayport wasn't an attack, nor was it the beginning. You're young, but smart enough to know the US's history of murder and political insurrection in Latin America. [[w:1954 Guatemalan coup d'état|Guatemala '54]], [[w:Bay of Pigs invasion|Cuba '61]], [[w:Dominican Civil War|D.R. '65]], [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|Chile '73]], [[w:United_States_and_state-sponsored_terrorism|Nicaragua '82]], [[w:United_States_invasion_of_Grenada|Grenada '83]]. This war is a battle for the survival of the people of Gran Colombia. 
:'''Reporter''': So, is this your justification for the forced conscription, the purges, the death squads?
:'''Barros''': Where do you get this information from?
:'''Reporter''': Several accounts from defectors...
:'''Barros''': Defectors from what? Our borders are not closed. People are free to come and go as they wish.
:'''Reporter''': Their accounts are remarkably consistent.
:'''Barros''': This isn't a war of public opinion. This is about taking a fresh look at the world... Post-virus, post-famine. It's about adjusting the balance. United States have been bullies for too long. This movement is a rebirth. Take your camera and your notepad and go to the countryside. Go to the cities of Central and South America and see the pride in people's faces. Freedom from tyranny is what they demanded. And it's what I'm giving them. And I'm inviting the people of all of the Americas to join.

===''Courage'' [5.9]===
:''[General Hector Martinez is summoned along with the entire Gran Colombia high command to dinner with President Barros, but when he notices that the other generals are absent...]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Bad news, Hector. The generals? They were plotting against me.
:'''General Hector Martinez''': Who, Tavo?
:'''Barros''': Eat, Hector. Gazpacho shouldn't be allowed to warm to room temperature. It's good.
:'''Martinez''': There must be a mistake. You're telling me there was a coup amongst my generals?
:'''Barros''': ''Your'' generals? I hope they aren't your generals, Hector. No. They're cowards. And I warned you against them. 
:'''Martinez''': ''[Spanish]'' Are you sure? I've known these men a very long time. I would have heard something.
:'''Barros''': There is no mistake, Hector.
:'''Martinez''': So you have proof?
:'''Barros''': Conchita saw it. In the cards.
:'''Martinez''': Tavo. We cannot play with men's lives. These cards cannot always be trusted.
:'''Barros''': They confessed. Chacon, Bianchi, Rodriguez, Munos, Moreno. Every single one of them.
:'''Martinez''': Oh, my God.
:'''Barros''': But it doesn't matter, not really. All I wanted to know... the only thing I asked them before I removed their intestines was, did Hector know? Of course, none of them gave you up. But they gave each other up real quick. But you? Not you. Then I started feeling bad. For doubting you. ''[sees Maza distraught]'' It's... it's okay.
:'''Martinez''': No, no, no, no. With all the pressure from the war, I've...
:'''Barros''': I know I've gone a little crazy. And I'm sorry about that.
:'''Martinez''': You don't have to apologize, Tavo. I support you. Always.
:'''Barros''': Of course you do. Of course, I know. That is why I want you to lead the investigation to see just how far down this conspiracy goes. I want it torn out by the roots!
:'''Martinez''': ''Sí'', Tavo. I will handle it personally. Like always.
:'''Barros''': Like always. Conchita. ''[Conchita leaves]'' Hector, my friend. My brother. ''[Barros' bodyguard suddenly stabs Martinez]'' If you're gonna stab a man in the back, the least that you can do is look him in the eye!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nina talks to Admiral Chandler about the war film showing for the sailors and Marines on the eve of the Gran Colombia invasion]''
:'''Nina Garside''': Guess Gator's got the right idea. Try and keep their minds off things, even just for a few hours. So, tell me, Admiral. What's going through your head on the night before D-Day?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Nathan James.
:'''Garside''': The ship?
:'''Chandler''': The sailor. Ship's namesake. Captain Nathan James skippered a PT boat during the war in the Pacific. His fleet was decimated. His boat was all that was left standing against nine Japanese destroyers. The boat sank beneath him. Not before he stopped the enemy's advance. He single-handedly saved a fleet of newly-repaired American destroyers coming out of Pearl Harbor carrying thousands of sailors into the fight. Captain James said, &quot;war is a beast.&quot; It appears in many forms. Sometimes it's the beast you face head on, out on the field of battle. As equals. Sometimes the beast hides out. Lurking somewhere in the deep, biding its time &quot;until, when your guard is dropped, it comes for you.&quot; &quot;Bloodthirsty and merciless.&quot; &quot;And it drags you under. On any given day, you never know which beast you're gonna face.&quot; 
:'''Garside''': Which beast is it for you, Admiral?

===''Commitment'' [5.10]===
:''[Sasha Cooper and Danny Green have cornered Gustavo Barros]''
:'''Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Where is he... Tom Chandler? Where is he? 
:'''Danny Green''': He couldn't be bothered. 
:'''Sasha Cooper''': The war's over. Your army surrendered. Your turn.
:'''Tavo''': I will only surrender to Tom Chandler, soldier to soldier.
:'''Green''': We'll send your regards. Get on the floor. Now. ''[shoots Tavo when he tries to reach for a pistol; as he dies] Viva Tavo.''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Nathan James is destroyed, Admiral Chandler is in a near-death dream sequence where he witnesses footage of himself being relieved of command in front of the crew]''
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': I'm proud to honor you today for your service to the U.S. Navy, our great nation, and the world. Captain Chandler, are you ready to be relieved of command?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Who am I passing off command to?
:'''Commander Alicia Granderson''': We have the watch, sir. 
:''[band plays Adagio for Strings as certain people stand up]''
:'''Captain Andrea Garnett''': We have the watch. 
:'''LTJG Will Mason''': We have the watch. 
:'''Petty Officer Cosetti''': We have the watch. 
:'''Lieutenant Commander Barker''': We have the watch. 
:'''Chief Hospital Corpsman Doc Rios''': We have the watch. 
:'''Commander Carlton Burk''': We have the watch, sir. 
:'''Admiral Joseph Meylan''': Bosun, stand by to pipe the side. Shipmates going ashore. ''[everybody stands up]''
:'''President Michener''': It's time, pal. God bless you and God bless America.

== Cast ==
* Eric Dane - CDR/CAPT/ADM Thomas Chandler, USN 
* Rhona Mitra - Dr Rachel Scott
* Adam Baldwin - CDR/CAPT/ADM Mike Slattery, USN

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Last Ship (TV series)}} 
* {{imdb title|2402207|The Last Ship TV series}}
* {{official website|http://www.thelastshiptnt.com/}}

[[Category:2010s American drama TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:The_Last_Ship_(TV_series)|The Last Ship]]''''' (2014-2018) is an American action drama television series formerly airing on TNT, based on a book of the same name by William Brinkley. The plot revolves around the crew of the US Navy destroyer ''USS Nathan James'' as they struggle to survive in a pandemic-hit world.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Phase Six'' [1.1] ===
:''[Commander Chandler is livid that Dr Scott has not been honest about her work in the Arctic despite having fought off an attack by Russian forces]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': ''[grabs Scott's biosamples case]'' I swear to God, I will throw this overboard! I want answers!
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': You want answers? Seven months ago, outside Cairo, there was an outbreak-- a virus of unknown origin. Its genetic structure was like nothing any of us had ever seen. It swept throughout the village, killing everyone that it infected. Egyptian officials claimed the outbreak was contained, but it wasn't. Instead, it continued to mutate and spread. The CDC and the WHO wanted to sample the virus from the victims to create a vaccine. But nothing worked. It was my belief that we needed to find the primordial strain here in the Arctic.
:'''Chandler''': The birds.
:'''Scott''': They're just the carriers. They pick up the virus from the melting permafrost. We finally found their feeding ground.
:'''Chandler''': So you have what you need to stop this thing?
:'''Scott''': I won't know until we get it back to the lab. We're running out of time. The virus back home is moving quicker than any of us could've imagined.
:'''Chandler''': How would you know that? We've been radio silent since we left Norfolk.
:'''Scott''':  Because I have my own sat phone.
:'''Chandler''': We were at EMCON so no one would know our position!
:'''Scott''': We were at EMCON to protect my mission... Not yours. Orders came from the White House.
:'''Chandler''': Well, you led the Russians right to us and endangered my entire crew.
:'''Scott''': It was imperative that I stay in contact with the labs back home to keep them informed of my progress. I don't think you understand what we're talking about here.
:'''Chandler''': Enlighten me.
:'''Scott''': When we left Norfolk, the virus was at Phase Two, limited to small clusters in Asia and Africa. We are now at Phase Six-- global pandemic. 80% of the world's population is infected. The world is sick, Captain Chandler... Very sick.
:'''Chandler''': Are you telling me the whole world is dying, and they send two people to save it?
:'''Scott''': It took weeks to convince the government to even send me here. Most of my colleagues think that I'm insane.
:'''Chandler''': Are you?
:'''Scott''': I told you... that what's in that case... might be the only hope that we have.

=== ''Welcome to Gitmo'' [1.2]===
:''[having secured Guantanamo Bay of the former Al-Qaeda prisoners]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I don't know how you feel about the water... but we sure could use your services.
:'''Tex Nolan''': Where you headed?
:'''Chandler''': We got some things to do, but when we're done, we're going home.
:'''Nolan''': Yeah, I'll sign up for that.

===''Dead Reckoning'' [1.3]=== 
:''[Commander Chandler talks to Doctor Scott about Admiral Ruskov's demands]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Who else has been working on a vaccine?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''':  What, in the world? Everyone.
:'''Chandler''':  What about the Russians? Were they close?
:'''Scott''': I mean, nobody was making any real progress. And I hate to say it, but they're probably all dead anyway. Why?
:'''Chandler''': If somebody had the primordial strain of the virus, the stuff you found in the ice, could they make a vaccine?
:'''Scott''': I suppose, if they had the right equipment and someone qualified to run it. But they'd be months behind us.

===''We'll Get There'' [1.4]=== 
:''[Flashback to Commander Chandler's preparations to leave for the Arctic deployment]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Darien, I'm not going to the Med. Navy's sending us to the Arctic.
:'''Darien Chandler''': The Arctic? That's crazy.
:'''Tom''': Some cold-weather test on a new weapon system. It's all classified. It's happening very fast. We're gonna be at complete radio silence. No e-mails, no calls.
:'''Darien''': For how long?
:'''Tom''': Six months, maybe five.
:'''Darien''': Figures.
:'''Tom''': It's my last tour for a while. Then I'll be around the house so much, you'll be sick of me, I promise.

===''El Toro'' [1.5]=== 
:''[The team has been caught by el Toro's men]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I'm guessing you must be El Toro.
:'''El Toro''': I am, indeed. And who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
:'''Chandler''': Tom Chandler, U.S. Navy. Your men took our weapons, CBR suits, and equipment. We're gonna need 'em back.
:'''El Toro''': You won't need your suits. There is no virus here. As for your weapons, I cannot have your men walking around with machine guns. That would frighten my people.
:'''Chandler''': Well, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. The remainder of my crew, some 200-odd U.S. Navy sailors, await our return aboard our destroyer, U.S.S. Nathan James, currently in the bay at the mouth of the river. We don't return by 2300 hours, they'll come looking. And rest assured, they will find us.

===''Lockdown'' [1.6]=== 
:''[Chandler talks to the crew over the PA after Dr Scott shows him some prototypes of a Red Flu vaccine]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Good evening, Nathan James. This is the captain. I wanted to inform you all of our progress in the mission. As you know, a small team entered Nicaragua to find primates for Dr. Scott's test, which she hopes will be a vaccine against the virus. While there, we encountered a drug lord who enslaved 150 people. We eliminated his men and we eliminated him, freeing those healthy people there to establish a life for themselves. We also encountered several dozen infected people, including children. Yesterday, we couldn't help them. But perhaps tomorrow, we will be able to, because we came back to the Nathan James with 34 monkeys. Dr. Scott will now conduct her trials on those monkeys. But we... We are not waiting. We're setting a course for home. By the time we get there, we believe Dr. Scott will have a vaccine, and our mission will be completed. Today's a good day. Carry on. 

===''SOS'' [1.7]=== 
:''[Flashback to Oslo, Norway, six months before the outbreak]''
:'''Niels Sorensen''': I don't understand why you won't listen to me. It's a splice overlap PCR reaction with an immune-modulatory gene. It will help the body identify the virus and create antibodies.
:'''Professor Lindblom''': Yes, yes. You are young and have a bright career ahead. And don't waste your time with schoolboy science fiction.
:'''Sorensen''': The virus is spreading. There are cases being reported beyond the Middle East. It will be in Oslo by winter. It is deadly and will likely mutate. We...
:'''Lindblom''': Niels. I am well aware of what's at stake. But what you are proposing is too dangerous. The Australians tried it on mouse pox. It was a complete disaster.
:'''Sorensen''': I've already done the experiment.
:'''Lindblom''': What?
:'''Sorensen''': On myself.
:'''Lindblom''': While you were gone. And it worked.
:'''Sorensen''': You are mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm still here.
:'''Sorensen''': Absolutely mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm perfectly healthy. Professor Lindblom, please.
:'''Sorensen''': You stay away from my lab. You hear me? I am finished with you! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lindblom''': Professor..

===''Two Sailors Walk Into a Bar...'' [1.8]===
:''[The Russians have captured Commander Chandler and brought him to Admiral Ruskov aboard the Vyerni]''
:'''ADM Konstantin Ruskov''': I'd like to treat you with the respect your rank affords, but you are going to have to meet me halfway. Now, tell me of Dr. Scott's progress with the vaccine. She's close, right?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
:'''Ruskov''': There is no need for that. The Geneva Convention doesn't exist anymore. Hell, ''Geneva'' doesn't exist anymore! ''[laughs]'' Ah... Still won't talk? See, I told you. He would rather go it alone and die than share in the glory of saving the world. Why else would you, the ship's captain, personally lead the mission to save some poor island girl? Like with all tragic heroes, your hubris brought about your downfall. What do you have to say to that, Commander Chandler?
:'''Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
 
===''Trials'' [1.9]===
:''[CMC Jeter remembers PO Cossetti]''
:'''Command Master Chief Russ Jeter''': The ceremony will be at 0900. We'll have seven guns and the ensigns at half-mast. It'll be a hero's farewell. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': He wanted to redeem himself. 
:'''Jeter''': He never had to. 
:'''Chandler''': He gave his life for mine.
:'''Jeter''': He gave his life for the mission. And now we're free...
:'''Chandler''': To finish it.

===''No Place Like Home'' [1.10]=== 
:''[After seeing that USAMRIID's biological facility has been destroyed, the crew suddenly receives a call from the still-functioning local government]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': This is Tom Chandler, commanding officer of the USS Nathan James, over.
:'''Amy Granderson''': Captain Chandler. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. We thought you were lost at sea.
:'''Chandler''': No, ma'am, we're alive and well.
:'''Granderson''': Oh! There you are. I got it. You must be nearby. I'm Amy Granderson. And I suppose an explanation is in order. As vice-chair of the President's defense policy board, I was briefed on your mission to the Arctic. I knew the risks of the coming pandemic, and I had my daughter transferred to your ship. You must forgive me.
:'''Chandler''': No apology needed, ma'am. Your daughter's been an incredible asset. Pleased to hear from you. We had no word from the presidential bunker.
:'''Granderson''': President Geller invited me underground. I declined. I-I felt the risk was too big to have so much of our civilian and military command in one confined space. Unfortunately, I was right.
:'''Chandler''': So the government is gone.
:'''Granderson''': For the most part, yes. Since the bunker went silent, there has been a breakdown of infrastructure, general panic, and, of course, a tremendous loss of life. I have tried to execute a contingency plan working with the state and local police to create safe zones. We have been hanging on as best we can. And I have been praying every day for your return.

==Season 2==
===''Unreal City'' [2.1]===
:''[Dr Scott is trying to talk to Amy Granderson]''
:'''Amy Granderson''': We have successfully taken control of the Nathan James. My people are collecting all your work as we speak. Now, with your research and your samples, Dr. Hamada and his team will eventually learn to make the cure themselves. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just agreed to work together?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Work together? What, on your Darwinian experiment? Save those that you deem worthy and, what, just forget the rest?
:'''Granderson''': Perhaps I was overzealous in... &quot;barbarians at the gate,&quot; I believe, is what you called them. Doctor, I watched a grown man b*at a 12-year-old boy to death over a gas mask. I saw a woman stab her sister in the back for a can of beans. The apocalypse is here. It's been here for a long time. But I am willing to adjust my philosophy to suit your sensibilities if you just help me get the lab up and running.
:'''Scott''': What about the captain? And my friends?
:'''Granderson''': The best thing you can do for your friends is to let them know you've decided to cooperate with me. That will end this foolish bloodshed.
:'''Scott''':You say you'll help everyone?
:'''Granderson''':I will.
:'''Scott''': Well, then, prove it.
:'''Granderson''': And how do you suggest I do that?
:'''Scott''': You're wasting doses here on healthy people. Let me out into the street with what I have left... save people who are already sick. What, you think I'm gonna try to escape?
:'''Granderson''': I think it's silly. And given the state of the world, I think it's small.

===''Fight the Ship'' [2.2]===
:''[Mike Slattery addresses the people of Baltimore]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Attention people of Baltimore. USS Nathan James is back under the control of her crew. This ship is now engaged in the fight to free Baltimore and spread the cure for the Red Flu to all of its citizens. This message goes out to Amy Granderson and all those loyal to her. Nathan James has been liberated and has joined the fight against you. We demand your immediate surrender. Lay down your arms... or be subject to the full force of the United States Navy.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James crew and Thorwald's men have gained the upper hand at Avocet and Granderson is cornered trying to escape]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': There are 200 more where I came from. You heard my X.O. We've taken back our ship, this building is ours, and we're telling the people of Baltimore that your kill zone at Olympia is out of business. You have two choices... a trial... or a funeral.
:'''Amy Granderson''': ''[to bodyguard]'' I gave you a direct order. Shoot! ''[bodyguard wavers and stands down]''
:'''Bodyguard''': I am not going anywhere with you.
:'''Chandler''': I found your daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, shot by your guards, under your order! My children were lined up to be murdered and sent to the ovens, along with thousands of desperate people... all so you can keep the lights on for your select few.
:'''Granderson''': You don't know! The virus was spreading! So you get to decide who lives and who dies?! There was panic, Captain, and I remained calm. Everybody was fleeing underground, but I stood firm! There was no plan and I built this. I'm the reason these people have survived this long.
:'''Chandler''': Except when you had the cure in hand, you wouldn't stop! You continued killing. It's over. Your grand social experiment is history. I'm offering you the chance. Surrender with honor.
:'''Granderson''': And who will judge me? You?
:'''Chandler''': Not me. A jury of your peers. Pick up the radio. Stand down your troopers. Shut down Olympia. Turn away your helo and come peacefully. It's the only way for you now.
:'''Granderson''': ''[on radio]'' Th-this is Amy... This is Amy Granderson. Stand down. Cease and desist all operations at Olympia. Repeat... stand down. We are surrendering. ''[Radio clatters]'' I am not a monster. I am not. ''[brings out vial and swallows]'' Dr. Hamada assured me that the cocktail provided a quick and painless death. I insisted on it.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.3]===
:''[The Nathan James study all material recovered from the White House and play a video file labelled SECNAV]''
:'''[[w:Ray Mabus|Ray Mabus]]''': ''[on video]'' Is this on? Can I start now?
:'''Man''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission...
:'''CMC Russ Jeter''': It's the secretary of the Navy. 
:'''Mabus''': ...to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the current deadly pandemic. Now, if y... you're viewing this video, you are a part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign nations which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine in the event their mission is successful. In order to protect the security of the labs in the new network, your locations have been kept secret. However, you'll be able to communicate with the civilian command, with each other via secure satellite connection. The codes for that connection have been embedded within the drive that contains this video. These codes have to be guarded at all cost. If... if and when a vaccine arrives...
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': No one's decoded this yet?
:'''Lt Kara Foster''': No, sir. We didn't know those encryptions existed until just now.
:'''Chandler''': Find me those labs. Do it quickly.
:'''Foster''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Mabus''': Godspeed.

===''Solace'' [2.4]===
:''[a SEAL operator talks to the Nathan James crew about the situation in Norfolk]''
:'''Damon''': Me and my team were stationed up in Little Creek. When shit went down, we went inland. We only made it back here a few weeks ago. We got 34 military personnel in town as far as we can tell... some Army, some Marines, but mostly Navy.
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Our intel says there's a biosafety Level IV lab on base here.
:'''Damon''': There was, but the equipment got moved someplace and no one here can tell us where. We've been trying to divide the city into sectors, impose a level of control. We got people holed up in different safe houses... school gym, supermarkets, some of them even running on diesel generators. I don't know if we found them all yet, but we're still in the process of clearing the city. 
:'''Slattery''': My people are about to head out there soon, try to find their families. Any information I can give them ahead of time will be much appreciated.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a cabin in Florida, a man addresses a group of people who applaud at every line he says]''
:'''Man''': And let me tell you something else... we are more than just survivors! We are more than our grief, we are more than our loss, and we are more than our pain! Yeah. We were spared for a reason. We were spared because we were put on this earth to do something more! We were spared because we're special... because we are the rightful inheritors of the earth. This is our destiny... because we are the chosen! We are the chosen! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jed Chandler notices his son Thomas throwing out the garbage]''
:'''Jed Chandler''': Gonna be puttering around all day?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Just getting the place in order.
:'''Jed''': ''[sighs]'' Well, I thought you might just be procrastinating... 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting. Do you not realize that they... that they can't do it without you? What kind of message are you gonna send to them, that you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm? You think because you got a... a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand? The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do.
:'''Tom''': And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me.
:'''Jed''': They need you.
:'''Tom''': And they don't? ''[referring to Ashley and Sam]'' And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?
:'''Jed''': You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind? Huh? During World War II, English naval captains put their wives and children in bunkers in London and went back out to sea... to fight the Nazis for years.
:'''Tom''': Wives and children, Dad. ''The wives were there.''
:'''Jed''': ''[remembers what happened to Darien]'' I know you, and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town. So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself. There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your Ark.

===''Achilles'' [2.5]===
:''[Dr Rachel Scott makes another audio tape entry]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Hope. Such a rarified concept these days. High in demand... ''[sighs]'' And short in supply. I'm enjoying recording these logs again. Until recently, I had given up on them. With no connection to the outside world, they were serving as little more than just a diary. But now with the satellite network up and running, they have become my trusty carrier pigeons. I am happy to report that the cure has landed safely in labs across the country and in Europe, and I am on my way to you, Dr. Hunter, my friend, my mentor. We'll be stopping first in Savannah to set up a lab there, before heading down to you in Florida with the cure. As promised, I am uploading my data to the secured satellite, and I would love for you to take a look at the work we've done, and get your thoughts on faster methods for replication. Because time, as you well know, is of the essence, and millions still continue to live at risk. So take of yourself, old friend, and I'll be seeing you shortly.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Carlton Burk is visibly taken aback by IDF Lt Ravit Bivas after she and Wolf are introduced to the Vulture team]''
:'''Lt Carlton Burk''': Lieutenant Burk, Carlton.
:'''Lt Ravit Bivas''': Yeah, sounds great.
:'''Burk''': You know, when I was deployed in the Gulf, I spent some time outside Tel Aviv, a town called Gi-Va-Tayim.
:'''Bivas''': ''[Israeli accent]'' Givatayim.
:'''Burk''': Right. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Achilles has destroyed all the labs producing the vaccine, and the Nathan James crew is wondering why]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': I just tested Juan Carlos's blood. It turns out that he's naturally immune.
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': None of the mercs on Solace were CBR. Is it possible they're all immune? Everyone's like him?
:'''Scott''': I cross-referenced his blood against Bertrise's. Natural immunity, as it turns out, is a tad more common than I initially thought. Anywhere between 1% and 5% of the global population. That's how they took Europe.
:'''Chandler''': Now their mission is to destroy the cure wherever it exists, on a nuclear-powered sub that never runs out of fuel.
:'''Scott''': Yes, but we had the flash drive. How the hell did they know where those labs were? 

===''A Long Day's Journey'' [2.6]===
:''[Alisha Granderson talks to Dr Scott in the wardroom]''
:'''Lt Alisha Granderson''': It must have transmitted to the satellite right before the attack. 
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Have you watched it?
:'''Granderson''': Only long enough to know that it was for you, ma'am. But even from what I saw... It wasn't easy to watch. ''[opens video]''
:'''Dr Julius Hunter''': Rachel, oh, God, I pray this gets to you. Listen, we're... We're under attack, Rachel, but it's important... It's important that you learn this. I've been working with the data you sent me about the cure. And I think I found a way to help. Using what I learned about the measles project... Now, I know you think that's crazy, but it works. I'm sending you the data now. It's here. Look, I don't... Oh, God. Listen, Rachel. It's all worked out. All you have to do is... I just somehow pray that this file gets to you, that you get it off the server, Rachel. ''[gets interrupted]''
:'''MacDowell''': Okay. 
:'''Hunter''': Got to know that... Rachel.
:'''MacDowell''': Come on, now. Take it all. We need to find that server. Okay, doc. No. Stand up.
:'''Hunter''': Please. Please. ''[killed by gunshot]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Well, that's how they were able to get the locations of all the labs. Stole them from Dr. Hunter.
:'''Scott''': He was working on an experiment to turn my liquid injectable version of the cure into a powder so it could be released over populated areas via helicopters, planes, drones, even. I could manufacture a highly concentrated powder right here on the ship. We wouldn't even need labs anymore. So people could breathe in the cure. It would be very much like crop-dusting. Mass inoculations without glassware, needles, all the infrastructure that we no longer have. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Do you think Hunter was actually able to do it?
:'''Scott''': I know that he had some good results aerosolizing the measles vaccine, but I won't know until we get down to his lab in Florida.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Rachel Scott has an idea and presents it to Chandler]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': What's that?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': ''[Blows]'' Cornstarch from the chief's mess. It turns out the secret ingredient that I've been looking for was being used to make pancakes.
:'''Chandler''': So you found it?
:'''Scott''':Well, I have the recipe, and now all I need is to build a machine to manufacture the micro powder, so I was hoping that you might be able to lend me one or two of your capable machinists?
:'''Chandler''': I think that can be arranged. 

===''Alone and Unafraid'' [2.7]===
:''[de facto President Jeffrey Michener tries to think of his speech, with Tom Chandler protecting him]''
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': It is our responsibility as immunes to restore this great nation. And just as God chose Noah to survive the flood of the old testament, he has chosen us to survive this plague that washed away the sins of our world.&quot; 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Yes.
:'''Michener''': Do I sound convincing? Do you believe it?
:'''Chandler''': Why, yes. Of course, but I don't have Sean's charisma.
:'''Michener''': I watched his videos. I've seen the translations into Spanish, Bulgarian. You don't understand the language, but you believe what he's saying.
:'''Chandler''': Bulgaria?
:'''Michener''': He has followers everywhere. I used to do ''[[w:Meet the Press|Meet the Press]]'' every once in a while, but getting in front of crowds like this...

===''Safe Zone'' [2.8]===
:''[Jeffrey Michener has been set up in the Nathan James wardroom and wants some answers]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Commander Mike Slattery. I'm the Executive Officer of this ship.
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': I want to speak to the Captain.
:'''Slattery''': Well, he's presently indisposed... Wanted us to get acquainted till he gets here.
:'''Michener''': You are aware that kidnapping the President of the United States is a federal offense, punishable by death?
:'''Slattery''': The Captain was under the impression he was rescuing you.
:'''Michener''': At gunpoint, against my will?
:'''Slattery''': Sir, I don't think you realize who the Ramseys are or what their goal is...
:'''Michener''': You don't need to tell me anything.
:'''Slattery''': No, sir, I don't. Unless you want to be fully informed. I'd like to show you something, if I may. This is from August. She was second in succession... President then. These were her orders to us. ''[plays video file of President Geller]''
:'''President Kelly Geller''': Morning, Commander. I know... the last you heard, I was Speaker of the House. The President died two months ago, the Vice-President a week later. What's left of the Federal Government is holed up 200 feet below the White House. Most of our population, along with our armed forces, is dying or dead. We have no allies, we have no enemies... Just a world of sick, desperate people. If Dr. Scott has the makings of a cure, you must come home... now. 
:'''Slattery''': We came home. Found things not quite as hospitable as we'd hoped. No infrastructure... No government, no orders. So we went to the White House, and we were able to get our hands on many of the Presidential files and directives. This is the secretary of the Navy. I understand you... You knew him pretty well. ''[plays clip of SECNAV Ray Mabus]''
:'''Ray Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the pandemic. If you're viewing this video, you are part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign countries, which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine. You'll be able to communicate with the civilian command with each other. Hopefully, you'll then start producing and distributing the vaccine, and we can get to the task of rebuilding our great nation. Godspeed.
:'''Slattery''': We have the cure, sir. Dr. Scott was able to produce it right here on this ship. Guess you wouldn't have any need for it yourself. The rest of the world, the ones who aren't lucky enough to be naturally immune... We got to Norfolk, we found pilots, we sent doses around the country and to Europe, as we were ordered to do. The project to mass-produce the cure was well under way, and then we ran into some problems. This is a recording made by one of our scientists. He was trying to get a message through to Dr. Scott. ''[replays Dr Hunter's entire desperate message to Rachel]'' You might recognize that Irish accent. Those were Sean Ramsey's people. They gained access to our secret network, the location of all our labs, and they blew them up with their long-range missiles. Destroyed our limited infrastructure, murdered our scientists... All because they believe that they are the inheritors of the earth. That's why Captain Chandler rescued you from the Ramseys. I can only assume you knew nothing about this. I mean, if you did... This is a comprehensive look at Dr. Scott's protocols, experiments, and trials. Complete Captain's logs, combat center records, including our attempt at a response to the Ramseys' assault on our labs. It's not easy to listen to, but I think it'll be informative. I'll let the Captain know that you've been briefed. ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tom Chandler talks to President Michener about what happened to him in the early stages of the pandemic]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': You blame yourself. You think you could've done something differently. Somehow, all those people would be alive... Your wife, your daughters? What could you have done differently, Jeff?
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Chandler''': We're going to New Orleans. And you're going to help us defeat whoever it is that twisted you all around, but we are never gonna get there until you face whatever it is you can't let go of.
:'''Michener''': There's nothing... Nothing to let go of! 
:'''Chandler''': It was your son, wasn't it?
:'''Michener''': He was in Michigan. Summer session at the [[University of Michigan|university]].
:'''Chandler''': You had him brought down to Florida.
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': Against CDC protocols!!
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': There was no way to test him, but he seemed okay, and you let him in the stadium.
:'''Michener''': That's not... that's not what happened! 
:'''Chandler''': I have the records from the White House.
:'''Michener''': No, you're wrong!
:'''Chandler''': Two days after you brought him to Florida, there was a massive outbreak in Ann Arbor. 
:'''Michener''': No, please! Please! That's not what happened!
:'''Chandler''': The security details... they were lax! You couldn't have known. He infected everyone in that stadium... it was hot! They were careless with their masks! Your wife, your daughters.
:'''Michener''': Please! No! No!
:'''Chandler''': It was all on you.
:'''Michener''': That's not what happened! Stop it!
:'''Chandler''': You were the one who was supposed to protect everybody.
:'''Michener''': Stop it.
:'''Chandler''': And then you stumbled into the immunes, and they told you that it was all meant to be and that you were chosen and your children were not and that all of this was destiny. And it was easy for you to believe because you needed to believe it...
:'''Michener''': Because it was the only way to go on.
:'''Chandler''': There's another way now. With us.
:'''Michener''': I killed my daughters.
:'''Chandler''': I know.
:'''Michener''': No. No. You don't.
:'''Chandler''': Then tell me. It's just you and me... Nobody else. Tell me.
:'''Michener''': After my son died... And my daughters started getting the symptoms... My wife... She begged me to put them out of their misery b-b-before it became... And I did it. ''[Voice breaking]'' With my own bare hands. I smothered them in their sleep. But Hollie... She woke up. A-and she struggled. And that's the last thing she ever felt was her father betraying her. ''[Sniffles]'' So... What do you say about that?

===''Valkyrie'' [2.11]===
:''[The Nathan James receives a strange broadcast amidst distress calls from New Orleans]''
:'''Sean Ramsey''': People of the surrounding area, my name is Sean Ramsey. I'm a lieutenant commander in the British Royal Navy. I came here as an ally of your United States Navy, but that was before I learned the truth. About the secret lab experiments, the release of the deadly virus by your military, and the subsequent government cover-up. By now, many of you will have seen the horrible video captured by witnesses on the scene. The US Navy ship that attacked New Orleans harbor was flying the American flag, but it doesn't represent you good people. That ship is a key part of a larger conspiracy to take over this country, and it won't be stopped until you are dead and a new world order is established. I know it's heartbreaking and Difficult to believe. But soon, you will have more evidence of the US Navy's role in creating the deadly virus. That is why we have created this mobile network to get out the truth... I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We Brits have not forgotten our special relationship with America... And to the captain of the USS Nathan James, who has kidnapped the American president and wreaked havoc on this great nation, hear this. We are coming for you. You cannot hide from justice. No matter where you go, there will be no safe harbor.

===''A More Perfect Union'' [2.13]===
:''[President Michener makes a video message]''
:'''US President Jeffrey Michener''': This is President Jeffrey Michener addressing all Americans from the Navy ship the USS Nathan James, which is now entering the heart of this great nation, the Mississippi river. We are survivors of this great plague, just as you are. We have struggled, just as you have, and we still have great hope in the future, just as you do. I know that you've stayed alive this long by isolating yourselves... And your families, that many of you have been living in fear, Fear of the virus, fear of each other... Fear of the unknown. There have been people out there who have taken advantage of that. Despicable rumors and misleading videos have been broadcast from this network, lies designed to manipulate you, to make you believe that this ship and the people on it are your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men and women on this ship are some of the bravest, noblest that I have ever met, and it is an outrage that their commitment to bring all of us the cure has been undermined by those who thrive on your fear. I can tell you now that we do have the cure for the Red Flu. Attached to this message is video footage where you can see for yourself our doctor attending and curing patients sick with the virus. It is our mission now to spread this cure to as many of you as we can. At noon tomorrow, the 18th, we expect to land at the docks in Vicksburg, where we will remain in port for six hours. On the 20th, we'll arrive in Tennessee. We have made contact with a few brave citizens at the college of Memphis. Our team will meet people there at 9:00 A.M., again, for a period of six hours. We'll end our journey at 10:00 A.M. the following day, the 21st, at the port of St. Louis. It's time to turn the tide and the bloodshed, put the past behind us, and heal this great nation, all of us together. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Scott is heading back to her room, but encounters a strange man]''
:'''Man''': Hi. Are you the lady who made the cure?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Yes. 
:'''Man''': Can I get it?
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, weren't you in the park earlier?
:'''Man''': No. I missed the party.
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, with so many people exposed, it's likely you caught it just walking into the hotel.
:'''Man''': Still, I'd like to get it from you... ''[walks closer]'' For history and all. How close do you have to be?
:'''Dr Scott''': Uh... That's close enough.
:'''Man''': Yeah. I think so. ''Sic semper tyrannis! [pulls out pistol and shoots Scott, then leaves her dead]''

==Season 5==
===''Casus Belli'' [5.1]===
:''[Admiral Chandler lectures in the US Naval Academy about the Peloponnesian War]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is how war begins. Athens and Sparta fought during a plague which wiped out much of the population. - Sound familiar? But the war brought only more death and destruction because people let their fear, their honor, their interest cloud their judgment. The Peloponnesian War may be ancient history, but its lessons are not. You here will be the first graduating class of midshipmen to enter the Navy since our own troubles ended just three years ago. We're in a time of peace, but peace doesn't keep itself. Ours is a small navy, which means... your importance to the mission is even larger. And you will take the lessons from history, both ancient and very recent, with you as you enter service. When you put on the uniform, you can't let your fear or your pride or your selfish interest lead you astray, or people die. We have to think differently because we are different. We are warriors.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tavo Barros makes a speech in the wake of the Fleet Week sneak attack]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': I will now speak directly to our enemies in a language they can understand. Americans, you are on notice. The people of Central and South America are united! We will no longer cower in fear of your big stick. For you do not offer us protection, but enslavement. Today marks the beginning of a new equilibrium. Gran Colombia will no longer sit at the children's table of international politics. It is our turn! Be warned. If the United States wants a fight, you will lose. For in the words of [[Simón Bolívar]], a people who love their freedom will, in the end, be free. And we are united... as a continent... to fight for that freedom. We are one nation under God! ''La Gran Colombia! Al Norte!''

===''Fog of War'' [5.2]===
:''[Commander Green address the Nathan James crew]''
:'''CDR Kara Foster-Green''': Many of you here are new to the Navy... new to this ship. Some of you, we've been here before. Either way, what happened in Mayport is not something you ever get used to. It hurts. And it was meant to hurt. That's what our enemy wanted to do. And today, he succeeded. It caught us off guard, sent a powerful message, trying to shake our resolve. But a war isn't lost because we're hurt. For over three years, the United States Navy has built, sustained, and protected its war-fighting culture. This attack doesn't change that. In fact, it will once again bring out the best in us. Our enemies have underestimated us. And if you doubt that, look back at the past few years. Look at the people who've been on this ship. When trouble arises, we have proven time and time again, no matter the enemy, no matter the odds, one ship can do it. This ship can do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Admiral Chandler summons to USSOUTHCOM a USNA midshipman who submitted a term paper to him about a future cyberattack]''
:'''Midshipman Clayton Swain''': Admiral Chandler?
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': Mr. Swain, before the planes came, the US was the victim of a cyberattack. It killed our satellites, shut down our anti-access and area denial systems, and destroyed weapons control on all our networked assets... ships, tanks, planes, helos, Aegis, and missile silos. 
:'''Swain''': Whoa. 
:'''Chandler''': Your theory was correct. Grab your things and come with me. You're gonna be here awhile. Do you need to call anyone?
:'''Swain''': I forgot to ask. 
:'''Chandler''':Are you married? Do you live with your folks?
:'''Swain''': No, sir. I'm not married, and, uh, my parents died in the plague.
:'''Chandler''': Right.
:'''Swain''': You wrote that U.S. military installations were extremely vulnerable to cyberattacks.
:'''Chandler''': That was my conclusion, sir. It had to do with the number of nodes and the redundancies...
:'''Swain''':  I need you to find the virus, where it came from, and how to get rid of it. You'll be working with Commander Granderson. Good luck, Mr. Swain.
:'''Chandler''': Oh. Raise your right hand. POTUS usually does this, but he's not here, so... Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
:'''Swain''': I do. 
:'''Chandler''': Congratulations, ''Ensign'' Swain. You are now a member of the United States Navy. Get to work.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[US SOUTHCOM and Admiral Chandler is informed of a call from the Nathan James broadcast in the clear
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This isn't a secure channel, Mike. 
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Yeah, I know. I finally got around to reading your favorite book. You got your copy handy?
:'''Chandler''': Hold on. Ensign Swain, do you have your copy of &quot;Moby-Dick&quot;? 
:'''ENS Clayton Swain''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Turn to page 366, nine paragraphs down. Last words.
:'''Chandler''': Working on it.
:'''Slattery''': This is how we're gonna have to communicate for the time being.
:'''Chandler''': Understood. Smart play, Mike. Well? What's the message?
:'''Swain''': &quot;Fit for a fight.&quot;
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Tom, is the message clear?
:'''Chandler''': Yes, it is. We read you loud and clear.
:'''Slattery''': We'll be in touch.

===''El Puente'' [5.3]===
:''[A spitball incident in the Nathan James mess hall between the Cuban and Mexican envoys gets too personal and the crew tries hard to separate them]''
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Now, you listen to me. You and your men are gonna cut this shit out, you're gonna bury the hatchet. you're gonna make a deal, or I promise you, you will be swimming home. Escort them to the wardroom. Move! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James successfully fights off a Gran Colombian airstrike]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is Nathan James, calling Gustavo Barros. We just took out your airwing, and you didn't lay a glove on us. And you can mark that up along with your Corvette. Payback for Mayport. You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You know why? Because you can't. And now Mexico and Cuba have joined the fight. So this message goes out to all of Central and South America. There is a choice now. Join us. Send Gustavo back into the dirt hole he crawled out of. We fight for peace. But make no mistake... we will fight. And this ship and this crew? They're damn good at it. So, Gustavo... come at us again. I dare you. This is Nathan James. Out. ''[to bridge crew]'' Now, they know who we are, where we are. Let's be ready for what they throw at us. 
:'''Bridge crew''': Aye, sir.
:'''Chandler''' Nobody's talking about going home now. It's a good day.

===''Tropic of Cancer'' [5.4]===
:''[Alisha Granderson has figured out that the Fleet Week cyberattack was attributed to Kelsi visiting her in the office two days before - and confronts her at home]''
:'''CDR Alisha Granderson''': I didn't want to believe it. All those questions. &quot;Is Nathan James okay?&quot; &quot;Is Tom Chandler alive?&quot; &quot;Tell me, tell, me, tell me.&quot; You used me as a weapon. How long?
:'''Kelsi Baker''': Since before we met.
:'''Granderson''': Why? How?!
:'''Baker''': It was my duty. Surely, you can understand that.
:'''Granderson''': You're insane.
:'''Baker''': I'm insane? No. Insane is believing in lies and closing your eyes to the truth. Insane is having blind faith in a corrupt power structure. No, we need... What the people yearn for is an awakening. Have you heard Tavo speak? Have you heard his message? &quot;The first step towards tyranny&quot; &quot;is to believe&quot; &quot;the government will take care of everything.&quot;
:'''Granderson''': Kelsi, did I mean nothing to you?
:'''Baker''': Oh, I did care about you, Alisha. You should know that. And for awhile there, I thought I loved you, but... you and me, what we are... That doesn't even matter. Not now.

===''Warriors'' [5.5]===
:''[As Vulture team tries to hide in a Jamaican rum cellar from Gran Colombia invasion forces, Chandler talks to war strategist Dr Manuel Montano]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I was gonna wait till we were on the flight home, but it looks like we got a couple minutes, so let's take some time. You're the architect of Gustavo's war machine. What's the sequel to Plan Azul? Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas?
:'''Dr Manuel Montano''': I fight for the Latin American people. So that we will no longer be dependent on the whims of the north.
:'''Chandler''': Now you sound like your boss.
:'''Montano''': You're a man of war, Admiral. And a professor, as I understand. You tell me... how many invasions, bombs, coups, CIA black ops, and other interventions does it take before people push back?
:'''Chandler''': America's not your enemy.
:'''Montano''': America is a continent, not a country, Admiral. Learn that... maybe you'll understand La Revolución. Gustavo's not a revolutionary. He's not fighting to right old wrongs.
:'''Chandler''': He's a strong man and an opportunist, and he's killing more of your people than ours. 
:'''Montano''': I did not say I support Gustavo.
:'''Chandler''': You're not in Jamaica guarding Gustavo's secrets. You're running away.
:'''Montano''': Yes, Admiral.
:'''Chandler''': In another of the great post-plague ironies, one of the great strategists of war has become a pacifist.
:'''Montano''': The first time I heard him speak was in his home town. A little place called Rubi. He was a man of humble beginnings, speaking of hope, belonging... Listening to Tavo was a revelation. He put words to the pain and the shame of the South American experience... all we'd been feeling for so long. The plans we made together were going to do great good.
:'''Chandler''': So what changed?
:'''Montano''': Tavo changed.
:'''Chandler''': Or he stopped hiding his true intentions.
:'''Montano''': And it wasn't just rebels being killed, it was whole villages... anyone who fed into Tavo's paranoia. You can only see a child be burned alive so many times before you question your part in it all.
:'''Chandler''': You know his next moves. Help me stop him, help me end this.
:'''Montano''': If I help you, will that save my nation?
:'''Chandler''': If you don't, will your nation still be worth saving?
:'''Montano''': If I join you... I'm still an instrument of death. The only difference is the person delivering it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback to a scene at the Chandler home. Admiral Chandler is in a heated argument with daughter Ashley]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I just don't know what it is you're telling me. What are you telling me? ''[Ashley walks off]'' Get back here, I'm talking to you! Come back here, I'm talking to you. 
:'''Ashley Chandler''': Mom knew it, too! She knew you hated being home. You were never happy unless you were on your damn ship!
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry I'm the one you got stuck with. I'm sorry your mom died!
:'''Ashley''': And you weren't here.
:'''Tom''': Ashley. Ashley....
:'''Ashley''': You don't belong here. You belong out there.

===''Air Drop'' [5.6]===
:''[Gustavo Barros is interviewed]''
:'''Reporter''': I'm curious if your thinking has changed or if you regret starting a war with the United States.
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': We didn't start this war.
:'''Reporter''': You sank a US fleet in Mayport on the very day that your loyalists murder the duly-elected leader of Panama. That sounds textbook.
:'''Barros''': Mayport wasn't an attack, nor was it the beginning. You're young, but smart enough to know the US's history of murder and political insurrection in Latin America. [[w:1954 Guatemalan coup d'état|Guatemala '54]], [[w:Bay of Pigs invasion|Cuba '61]], [[w:Dominican Civil War|D.R. '65]], [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|Chile '73]], [[w:United_States_and_state-sponsored_terrorism|Nicaragua '82]], [[w:United_States_invasion_of_Grenada|Grenada '83]]. This war is a battle for the survival of the people of Gran Colombia. 
:'''Reporter''': So, is this your justification for the forced conscription, the purges, the death squads?
:'''Barros''': Where do you get this information from?
:'''Reporter''': Several accounts from defectors...
:'''Barros''': Defectors from what? Our borders are not closed. People are free to come and go as they wish.
:'''Reporter''': Their accounts are remarkably consistent.
:'''Barros''': This isn't a war of public opinion. This is about taking a fresh look at the world... Post-virus, post-famine. It's about adjusting the balance. United States have been bullies for too long. This movement is a rebirth. Take your camera and your notepad and go to the countryside. Go to the cities of Central and South America and see the pride in people's faces. Freedom from tyranny is what they demanded. And it's what I'm giving them. And I'm inviting the people of all of the Americas to join.

===''Courage'' [5.9]===
:''[General Hector Martinez is summoned along with the entire Gran Colombia high command to dinner with President Barros, but when he notices that the other generals are absent...]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Bad news, Hector. The generals? They were plotting against me.
:'''General Hector Martinez''': Who, Tavo?
:'''Barros''': Eat, Hector. Gazpacho shouldn't be allowed to warm to room temperature. It's good.
:'''Martinez''': There must be a mistake. You're telling me there was a coup amongst my generals?
:'''Barros''': ''Your'' generals? I hope they aren't your generals, Hector. No. They're cowards. And I warned you against them. 
:'''Martinez''': ''[Spanish]'' Are you sure? I've known these men a very long time. I would have heard something.
:'''Barros''': There is no mistake, Hector.
:'''Martinez''': So you have proof?
:'''Barros''': Conchita saw it. In the cards.
:'''Martinez''': Tavo. We cannot play with men's lives. These cards cannot always be trusted.
:'''Barros''': They confessed. Chacon, Bianchi, Rodriguez, Munos, Moreno. Every single one of them.
:'''Martinez''': Oh, my God.
:'''Barros''': But it doesn't matter, not really. All I wanted to know... the only thing I asked them before I removed their intestines was, did Hector know? Of course, none of them gave you up. But they gave each other up real quick. But you? Not you. Then I started feeling bad. For doubting you. ''[sees Maza distraught]'' It's... it's okay.
:'''Martinez''': No, no, no, no. With all the pressure from the war, I've...
:'''Barros''': I know I've gone a little crazy. And I'm sorry about that.
:'''Martinez''': You don't have to apologize, Tavo. I support you. Always.
:'''Barros''': Of course you do. Of course, I know. That is why I want you to lead the investigation to see just how far down this conspiracy goes. I want it torn out by the roots!
:'''Martinez''': ''Sí'', Tavo. I will handle it personally. Like always.
:'''Barros''': Like always. Conchita. ''[Conchita leaves]'' Hector, my friend. My brother. ''[Barros' bodyguard suddenly stabs Martinez]'' If you're gonna stab a man in the back, the least that you can do is look him in the eye!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nina talks to Admiral Chandler about the war film showing for the sailors and Marines on the eve of the Gran Colombia invasion]''
:'''Nina Garside''': Guess Gator's got the right idea. Try and keep their minds off things, even just for a few hours. So, tell me, Admiral. What's going through your head on the night before D-Day?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Nathan James.
:'''Garside''': The ship?
:'''Chandler''': The sailor. Ship's namesake. Captain Nathan James skippered a PT boat during the war in the Pacific. His fleet was decimated. His boat was all that was left standing against nine Japanese destroyers. The boat sank beneath him. Not before he stopped the enemy's advance. He single-handedly saved a fleet of newly-repaired American destroyers coming out of Pearl Harbor carrying thousands of sailors into the fight. Captain James said, &quot;war is a beast.&quot; It appears in many forms. Sometimes it's the beast you face head on, out on the field of battle. As equals. Sometimes the beast hides out. Lurking somewhere in the deep, biding its time &quot;until, when your guard is dropped, it comes for you.&quot; &quot;Bloodthirsty and merciless.&quot; &quot;And it drags you under. On any given day, you never know which beast you're gonna face.&quot; 
:'''Garside''': Which beast is it for you, Admiral?

===''Commitment'' [5.10]===
:''[Sasha Cooper and Danny Green have cornered Gustavo Barros]''
:'''Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Where is he... Tom Chandler? Where is he? 
:'''Danny Green''': He couldn't be bothered. 
:'''Sasha Cooper''': The war's over. Your army surrendered. Your turn.
:'''Tavo''': I will only surrender to Tom Chandler, soldier to soldier.
:'''Green''': We'll send your regards. Get on the floor. Now. ''[shoots Tavo when he tries to reach for a pistol; as he dies] Viva Tavo.''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Nathan James is destroyed, Admiral Chandler is in a near-death dream sequence where he witnesses footage of himself being relieved of command in front of the crew]''
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': I'm proud to honor you today for your service to the U.S. Navy, our great nation, and the world. Captain Chandler, are you ready to be relieved of command?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Who am I passing off command to?
:'''Commander Alicia Granderson''': We have the watch, sir. 
:''[band plays Adagio for Strings as certain people stand up]''
:'''Captain Andrea Garnett''': We have the watch. 
:'''LTJG Will Mason''': We have the watch. 
:'''Petty Officer Cosetti''': We have the watch. 
:'''Lieutenant Commander Barker''': We have the watch. 
:'''Chief Hospital Corpsman Doc Rios''': We have the watch. 
:'''Commander Carlton Burk''': We have the watch, sir. 
:'''Admiral Joseph Meylan''': Bosun, stand by to pipe the side. Shipmates going ashore. ''[everybody stands up]''
:'''President Michener''': It's time, pal. God bless you and God bless America.

== Cast ==
* Eric Dane - CDR/CAPT/ADM Thomas Chandler, USN 
* Rhona Mitra - Dr Rachel Scott
* Adam Baldwin - CDR/CAPT/ADM Mike Slattery, USN

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Last Ship (TV series)}} 
* {{imdb title|2402207|The Last Ship TV series}}
* {{official website|http://www.thelastshiptnt.com/}}

[[Category:2010s American drama TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:The_Last_Ship_(TV_series)|The Last Ship]]''''' (2014-2018) is an American action drama television series formerly airing on TNT, based on a book of the same name by William Brinkley. The plot revolves around the crew of the US Navy destroyer ''USS Nathan James'' as they struggle to survive in a pandemic-hit world.
 
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Phase Six'' [1.1] ===
:''[Commander Chandler is livid that Dr Scott has not been honest about her work in the Arctic despite having fought off an attack by Russian forces]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': ''[grabs Scott's biosamples case]'' I swear to God, I will throw this overboard! I want answers!
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': You want answers? Seven months ago, outside Cairo, there was an outbreak-- a virus of unknown origin. Its genetic structure was like nothing any of us had ever seen. It swept throughout the village, killing everyone that it infected. Egyptian officials claimed the outbreak was contained, but it wasn't. Instead, it continued to mutate and spread. The CDC and the WHO wanted to sample the virus from the victims to create a vaccine. But nothing worked. It was my belief that we needed to find the primordial strain here in the Arctic.
:'''Chandler''': The birds.
:'''Scott''': They're just the carriers. They pick up the virus from the melting permafrost. We finally found their feeding ground.
:'''Chandler''': So you have what you need to stop this thing?
:'''Scott''': I won't know until we get it back to the lab. We're running out of time. The virus back home is moving quicker than any of us could've imagined.
:'''Chandler''': How would you know that? We've been radio silent since we left Norfolk.
:'''Scott''':  Because I have my own sat phone.
:'''Chandler''': We were at EMCON so no one would know our position!
:'''Scott''': We were at EMCON to protect my mission... Not yours. Orders came from the White House.
:'''Chandler''': Well, you led the Russians right to us and endangered my entire crew.
:'''Scott''': It was imperative that I stay in contact with the labs back home to keep them informed of my progress. I don't think you understand what we're talking about here.
:'''Chandler''': Enlighten me.
:'''Scott''': When we left Norfolk, the virus was at Phase Two, limited to small clusters in Asia and Africa. We are now at Phase Six-- global pandemic. 80% of the world's population is infected. The world is sick, Captain Chandler... Very sick.
:'''Chandler''': Are you telling me the whole world is dying, and they send two people to save it?
:'''Scott''': It took weeks to convince the government to even send me here. Most of my colleagues think that I'm insane.
:'''Chandler''': Are you?
:'''Scott''': I told you... that what's in that case... might be the only hope that we have.

=== ''Welcome to Gitmo'' [1.2]===
:''[having secured Guantanamo Bay of the former Al-Qaeda prisoners]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I don't know how you feel about the water... but we sure could use your services.
:'''Tex Nolan''': Where you headed?
:'''Chandler''': We got some things to do, but when we're done, we're going home.
:'''Nolan''': Yeah, I'll sign up for that.

===''Dead Reckoning'' [1.3]=== 
:''[Commander Chandler talks to Doctor Scott about Admiral Ruskov's demands]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Who else has been working on a vaccine?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''':  What, in the world? Everyone.
:'''Chandler''':  What about the Russians? Were they close?
:'''Scott''': I mean, nobody was making any real progress. And I hate to say it, but they're probably all dead anyway. Why?
:'''Chandler''': If somebody had the primordial strain of the virus, the stuff you found in the ice, could they make a vaccine?
:'''Scott''': I suppose, if they had the right equipment and someone qualified to run it. But they'd be months behind us.

===''We'll Get There'' [1.4]=== 
:''[Flashback to Commander Chandler's preparations to leave for the Arctic deployment]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Darien, I'm not going to the Med. Navy's sending us to the Arctic.
:'''Darien Chandler''': The Arctic? That's crazy.
:'''Tom''': Some cold-weather test on a new weapon system. It's all classified. It's happening very fast. We're gonna be at complete radio silence. No e-mails, no calls.
:'''Darien''': For how long?
:'''Tom''': Six months, maybe five.
:'''Darien''': Figures.
:'''Tom''': It's my last tour for a while. Then I'll be around the house so much, you'll be sick of me, I promise.

===''El Toro'' [1.5]=== 
:''[The team has been caught by el Toro's men]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': I'm guessing you must be El Toro.
:'''El Toro''': I am, indeed. And who do I have the pleasure of talking to?
:'''Chandler''': Tom Chandler, U.S. Navy. Your men took our weapons, CBR suits, and equipment. We're gonna need 'em back.
:'''El Toro''': You won't need your suits. There is no virus here. As for your weapons, I cannot have your men walking around with machine guns. That would frighten my people.
:'''Chandler''': Well, I'm afraid that's not acceptable. With respect, I don't have time to debate it. The remainder of my crew, some 200-odd U.S. Navy sailors, await our return aboard our destroyer, U.S.S. Nathan James, currently in the bay at the mouth of the river. We don't return by 2300 hours, they'll come looking. And rest assured, they will find us.

===''Lockdown'' [1.6]=== 
:''[Chandler talks to the crew over the PA after Dr Scott shows him some prototypes of a Red Flu vaccine]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Good evening, Nathan James. This is the captain. I wanted to inform you all of our progress in the mission. As you know, a small team entered Nicaragua to find primates for Dr. Scott's test, which she hopes will be a vaccine against the virus. While there, we encountered a drug lord who enslaved 150 people. We eliminated his men and we eliminated him, freeing those healthy people there to establish a life for themselves. We also encountered several dozen infected people, including children. Yesterday, we couldn't help them. But perhaps tomorrow, we will be able to, because we came back to the Nathan James with 34 monkeys. Dr. Scott will now conduct her trials on those monkeys. But we... We are not waiting. We're setting a course for home. By the time we get there, we believe Dr. Scott will have a vaccine, and our mission will be completed. Today's a good day. Carry on. 

===''SOS'' [1.7]=== 
:''[Flashback to Oslo, Norway, six months before the outbreak]''
:'''Niels Sorensen''': I don't understand why you won't listen to me. It's a splice overlap PCR reaction with an immune-modulatory gene. It will help the body identify the virus and create antibodies.
:'''Professor Lindblom''': Yes, yes. You are young and have a bright career ahead. And don't waste your time with schoolboy science fiction.
:'''Sorensen''': The virus is spreading. There are cases being reported beyond the Middle East. It will be in Oslo by winter. It is deadly and will likely mutate. We...
:'''Lindblom''': Niels. I am well aware of what's at stake. But what you are proposing is too dangerous. The Australians tried it on mouse pox. It was a complete disaster.
:'''Sorensen''': I've already done the experiment.
:'''Lindblom''': What?
:'''Sorensen''': On myself.
:'''Lindblom''': While you were gone. And it worked.
:'''Sorensen''': You are mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm still here.
:'''Sorensen''': Absolutely mad.
:'''Lindblom''': I'm perfectly healthy. Professor Lindblom, please.
:'''Sorensen''': You stay away from my lab. You hear me? I am finished with you! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lindblom''': Professor..

===''Two Sailors Walk Into a Bar...'' [1.8]===
:''[The Russians have captured Commander Chandler and brought him to Admiral Ruskov aboard the Vyerni]''
:'''ADM Konstantin Ruskov''': I'd like to treat you with the respect your rank affords, but you are going to have to meet me halfway. Now, tell me of Dr. Scott's progress with the vaccine. She's close, right?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
:'''Ruskov''': There is no need for that. The Geneva Convention doesn't exist anymore. Hell, ''Geneva'' doesn't exist anymore! ''[laughs]'' Ah... Still won't talk? See, I told you. He would rather go it alone and die than share in the glory of saving the world. Why else would you, the ship's captain, personally lead the mission to save some poor island girl? Like with all tragic heroes, your hubris brought about your downfall. What do you have to say to that, Commander Chandler?
:'''Chandler''': My name is Thomas Chandler, Commander, United States Navy, serial number 4242022634.
 
===''Trials'' [1.9]===
:''[CMC Jeter remembers PO Cossetti]''
:'''Command Master Chief Russ Jeter''': The ceremony will be at 0900. We'll have seven guns and the ensigns at half-mast. It'll be a hero's farewell. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': He wanted to redeem himself. 
:'''Jeter''': He never had to. 
:'''Chandler''': He gave his life for mine.
:'''Jeter''': He gave his life for the mission. And now we're free...
:'''Chandler''': To finish it.

===''No Place Like Home'' [1.10]=== 
:''[After seeing that USAMRIID's biological facility has been destroyed, the crew suddenly receives a call from the still-functioning local government]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': This is Tom Chandler, commanding officer of the USS Nathan James, over.
:'''Amy Granderson''': Captain Chandler. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. We thought you were lost at sea.
:'''Chandler''': No, ma'am, we're alive and well.
:'''Granderson''': Oh! There you are. I got it. You must be nearby. I'm Amy Granderson. And I suppose an explanation is in order. As vice-chair of the President's defense policy board, I was briefed on your mission to the Arctic. I knew the risks of the coming pandemic, and I had my daughter transferred to your ship. You must forgive me.
:'''Chandler''': No apology needed, ma'am. Your daughter's been an incredible asset. Pleased to hear from you. We had no word from the presidential bunker.
:'''Granderson''': President Geller invited me underground. I declined. I-I felt the risk was too big to have so much of our civilian and military command in one confined space. Unfortunately, I was right.
:'''Chandler''': So the government is gone.
:'''Granderson''': For the most part, yes. Since the bunker went silent, there has been a breakdown of infrastructure, general panic, and, of course, a tremendous loss of life. I have tried to execute a contingency plan working with the state and local police to create safe zones. We have been hanging on as best we can. And I have been praying every day for your return.

==Season 2==
===''Unreal City'' [2.1]===
:''[Dr Scott is trying to talk to Amy Granderson]''
:'''Amy Granderson''': We have successfully taken control of the Nathan James. My people are collecting all your work as we speak. Now, with your research and your samples, Dr. Hamada and his team will eventually learn to make the cure themselves. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just agreed to work together?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Work together? What, on your Darwinian experiment? Save those that you deem worthy and, what, just forget the rest?
:'''Granderson''': Perhaps I was overzealous in... &quot;barbarians at the gate,&quot; I believe, is what you called them. Doctor, I watched a grown man b*at a 12-year-old boy to death over a gas mask. I saw a woman stab her sister in the back for a can of beans. The apocalypse is here. It's been here for a long time. But I am willing to adjust my philosophy to suit your sensibilities if you just help me get the lab up and running.
:'''Scott''': What about the captain? And my friends?
:'''Granderson''': The best thing you can do for your friends is to let them know you've decided to cooperate with me. That will end this foolish bloodshed.
:'''Scott''':You say you'll help everyone?
:'''Granderson''':I will.
:'''Scott''': Well, then, prove it.
:'''Granderson''': And how do you suggest I do that?
:'''Scott''': You're wasting doses here on healthy people. Let me out into the street with what I have left... save people who are already sick. What, you think I'm gonna try to escape?
:'''Granderson''': I think it's silly. And given the state of the world, I think it's small.

===''Fight the Ship'' [2.2]===
:''[Mike Slattery addresses the people of Baltimore]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Attention people of Baltimore. USS Nathan James is back under the control of her crew. This ship is now engaged in the fight to free Baltimore and spread the cure for the Red Flu to all of its citizens. This message goes out to Amy Granderson and all those loyal to her. Nathan James has been liberated and has joined the fight against you. We demand your immediate surrender. Lay down your arms... or be subject to the full force of the United States Navy.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James crew and Thorwald's men have gained the upper hand at Avocet and Granderson is cornered trying to escape]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': There are 200 more where I came from. You heard my X.O. We've taken back our ship, this building is ours, and we're telling the people of Baltimore that your kill zone at Olympia is out of business. You have two choices... a trial... or a funeral.
:'''Amy Granderson''': ''[to bodyguard]'' I gave you a direct order. Shoot! ''[bodyguard wavers and stands down]''
:'''Bodyguard''': I am not going anywhere with you.
:'''Chandler''': I found your daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, shot by your guards, under your order! My children were lined up to be murdered and sent to the ovens, along with thousands of desperate people... all so you can keep the lights on for your select few.
:'''Granderson''': You don't know! The virus was spreading! So you get to decide who lives and who dies?! There was panic, Captain, and I remained calm. Everybody was fleeing underground, but I stood firm! There was no plan and I built this. I'm the reason these people have survived this long.
:'''Chandler''': Except when you had the cure in hand, you wouldn't stop! You continued killing. It's over. Your grand social experiment is history. I'm offering you the chance. Surrender with honor.
:'''Granderson''': And who will judge me? You?
:'''Chandler''': Not me. A jury of your peers. Pick up the radio. Stand down your troopers. Shut down Olympia. Turn away your helo and come peacefully. It's the only way for you now.
:'''Granderson''': ''[on radio]'' Th-this is Amy... This is Amy Granderson. Stand down. Cease and desist all operations at Olympia. Repeat... stand down. We are surrendering. ''[Radio clatters]'' I am not a monster. I am not. ''[brings out vial and swallows]'' Dr. Hamada assured me that the cocktail provided a quick and painless death. I insisted on it.

===''It's not a Rumor'' [2.3]===
:''[The Nathan James study all material recovered from the White House and play a video file labelled SECNAV]''
:'''[[w:Ray Mabus|Ray Mabus]]''': ''[on video]'' Is this on? Can I start now?
:'''Man''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission...
:'''CMC Russ Jeter''': It's the secretary of the Navy. 
:'''Mabus''': ...to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the current deadly pandemic. Now, if y... you're viewing this video, you are a part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign nations which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine in the event their mission is successful. In order to protect the security of the labs in the new network, your locations have been kept secret. However, you'll be able to communicate with the civilian command, with each other via secure satellite connection. The codes for that connection have been embedded within the drive that contains this video. These codes have to be guarded at all cost. If... if and when a vaccine arrives...
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': No one's decoded this yet?
:'''Lt Kara Foster''': No, sir. We didn't know those encryptions existed until just now.
:'''Chandler''': Find me those labs. Do it quickly.
:'''Foster''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Mabus''': Godspeed.

===''Solace'' [2.4]===
:''[a SEAL operator talks to the Nathan James crew about the situation in Norfolk]''
:'''Damon''': Me and my team were stationed up in Little Creek. When shit went down, we went inland. We only made it back here a few weeks ago. We got 34 military personnel in town as far as we can tell... some Army, some Marines, but mostly Navy.
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Our intel says there's a biosafety Level IV lab on base here.
:'''Damon''': There was, but the equipment got moved someplace and no one here can tell us where. We've been trying to divide the city into sectors, impose a level of control. We got people holed up in different safe houses... school gym, supermarkets, some of them even running on diesel generators. I don't know if we found them all yet, but we're still in the process of clearing the city. 
:'''Slattery''': My people are about to head out there soon, try to find their families. Any information I can give them ahead of time will be much appreciated.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in a cabin in Florida, a man addresses a group of people who applaud at every line he says]''
:'''Man''': And let me tell you something else... we are more than just survivors! We are more than our grief, we are more than our loss, and we are more than our pain! Yeah. We were spared for a reason. We were spared because we were put on this earth to do something more! We were spared because we're special... because we are the rightful inheritors of the earth. This is our destiny... because we are the chosen! We are the chosen! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jed Chandler notices his son Thomas throwing out the garbage]''
:'''Jed Chandler''': Gonna be puttering around all day?
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Just getting the place in order.
:'''Jed''': ''[sighs]'' Well, I thought you might just be procrastinating... 'cause you don't know how to go back to the ship and tell that crew of yours that you're quitting. Do you not realize that they... that they can't do it without you? What kind of message are you gonna send to them, that you're, uh, George Washington and you've come back to work on your farm? You think because you got a... a lab in Baltimore and six planes with the cure that everything's in hand? The world is in chaos. There's a lot more to do.
:'''Tom''': And that crew is trained to do it, with or without me.
:'''Jed''': They need you.
:'''Tom''': And they don't? ''[referring to Ashley and Sam]'' And what if I don't come back? I'm gonna make my kids orphans?
:'''Jed''': You think you're the first soldier that had trouble leaving their family behind? Huh? During World War II, English naval captains put their wives and children in bunkers in London and went back out to sea... to fight the Nazis for years.
:'''Tom''': Wives and children, Dad. ''The wives were there.''
:'''Jed''': ''[remembers what happened to Darien]'' I know you, and I know you're beating yourself up, but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame me. I should have never let her go to that town. So cut the shit and quit laying this guilt trip on yourself. There's no time for it. Whether you like it or not, you're Noah and that ship is your Ark.

===''Achilles'' [2.5]===
:''[Dr Rachel Scott makes another audio tape entry]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Hope. Such a rarified concept these days. High in demand... ''[sighs]'' And short in supply. I'm enjoying recording these logs again. Until recently, I had given up on them. With no connection to the outside world, they were serving as little more than just a diary. But now with the satellite network up and running, they have become my trusty carrier pigeons. I am happy to report that the cure has landed safely in labs across the country and in Europe, and I am on my way to you, Dr. Hunter, my friend, my mentor. We'll be stopping first in Savannah to set up a lab there, before heading down to you in Florida with the cure. As promised, I am uploading my data to the secured satellite, and I would love for you to take a look at the work we've done, and get your thoughts on faster methods for replication. Because time, as you well know, is of the essence, and millions still continue to live at risk. So take of yourself, old friend, and I'll be seeing you shortly.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Carlton Burk is visibly taken aback by IDF Lt Ravit Bivas after she and Wolf are introduced to the Vulture team]''
:'''Lt Carlton Burk''': Lieutenant Burk, Carlton.
:'''Lt Ravit Bivas''': Yeah, sounds great.
:'''Burk''': You know, when I was deployed in the Gulf, I spent some time outside Tel Aviv, a town called Gi-Va-Tayim.
:'''Bivas''': ''[Israeli accent]'' Givatayim.
:'''Burk''': Right. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Achilles has destroyed all the labs producing the vaccine, and the Nathan James crew is wondering why]''
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': I just tested Juan Carlos's blood. It turns out that he's naturally immune.
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': None of the mercs on Solace were CBR. Is it possible they're all immune? Everyone's like him?
:'''Scott''': I cross-referenced his blood against Bertrise's. Natural immunity, as it turns out, is a tad more common than I initially thought. Anywhere between 1% and 5% of the global population. That's how they took Europe.
:'''Chandler''': Now their mission is to destroy the cure wherever it exists, on a nuclear-powered sub that never runs out of fuel.
:'''Scott''': Yes, but we had the flash drive. How the hell did they know where those labs were? 

===''A Long Day's Journey'' [2.6]===
:''[Alisha Granderson talks to Dr Scott in the wardroom]''
:'''Lt Alisha Granderson''': It must have transmitted to the satellite right before the attack. 
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Have you watched it?
:'''Granderson''': Only long enough to know that it was for you, ma'am. But even from what I saw... It wasn't easy to watch. ''[opens video]''
:'''Dr Julius Hunter''': Rachel, oh, God, I pray this gets to you. Listen, we're... We're under attack, Rachel, but it's important... It's important that you learn this. I've been working with the data you sent me about the cure. And I think I found a way to help. Using what I learned about the measles project... Now, I know you think that's crazy, but it works. I'm sending you the data now. It's here. Look, I don't... Oh, God. Listen, Rachel. It's all worked out. All you have to do is... I just somehow pray that this file gets to you, that you get it off the server, Rachel. ''[gets interrupted]''
:'''MacDowell''': Okay. 
:'''Hunter''': Got to know that... Rachel.
:'''MacDowell''': Come on, now. Take it all. We need to find that server. Okay, doc. No. Stand up.
:'''Hunter''': Please. Please. ''[killed by gunshot]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Well, that's how they were able to get the locations of all the labs. Stole them from Dr. Hunter.
:'''Scott''': He was working on an experiment to turn my liquid injectable version of the cure into a powder so it could be released over populated areas via helicopters, planes, drones, even. I could manufacture a highly concentrated powder right here on the ship. We wouldn't even need labs anymore. So people could breathe in the cure. It would be very much like crop-dusting. Mass inoculations without glassware, needles, all the infrastructure that we no longer have. 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Do you think Hunter was actually able to do it?
:'''Scott''': I know that he had some good results aerosolizing the measles vaccine, but I won't know until we get down to his lab in Florida.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Rachel Scott has an idea and presents it to Chandler]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': What's that?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': ''[Blows]'' Cornstarch from the chief's mess. It turns out the secret ingredient that I've been looking for was being used to make pancakes.
:'''Chandler''': So you found it?
:'''Scott''':Well, I have the recipe, and now all I need is to build a machine to manufacture the micro powder, so I was hoping that you might be able to lend me one or two of your capable machinists?
:'''Chandler''': I think that can be arranged. 

===''Alone and Unafraid'' [2.7]===
:''[de facto President Jeffrey Michener tries to think of his speech, with Tom Chandler protecting him]''
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': It is our responsibility as immunes to restore this great nation. And just as God chose Noah to survive the flood of the old testament, he has chosen us to survive this plague that washed away the sins of our world.&quot; 
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': Yes.
:'''Michener''': Do I sound convincing? Do you believe it?
:'''Chandler''': Why, yes. Of course, but I don't have Sean's charisma.
:'''Michener''': I watched his videos. I've seen the translations into Spanish, Bulgarian. You don't understand the language, but you believe what he's saying.
:'''Chandler''': Bulgaria?
:'''Michener''': He has followers everywhere. I used to do ''[[w:Meet the Press|Meet the Press]]'' every once in a while, but getting in front of crowds like this...

===''Safe Zone'' [2.8]===
:''[Jeffrey Michener has been set up in the Nathan James wardroom and wants some answers]''
:'''CDR Mike Slattery''': Commander Mike Slattery. I'm the Executive Officer of this ship.
:'''Jeffrey Michener''': I want to speak to the Captain.
:'''Slattery''': Well, he's presently indisposed... Wanted us to get acquainted till he gets here.
:'''Michener''': You are aware that kidnapping the President of the United States is a federal offense, punishable by death?
:'''Slattery''': The Captain was under the impression he was rescuing you.
:'''Michener''': At gunpoint, against my will?
:'''Slattery''': Sir, I don't think you realize who the Ramseys are or what their goal is...
:'''Michener''': You don't need to tell me anything.
:'''Slattery''': No, sir, I don't. Unless you want to be fully informed. I'd like to show you something, if I may. This is from August. She was second in succession... President then. These were her orders to us. ''[plays video file of President Geller]''
:'''President Kelly Geller''': Morning, Commander. I know... the last you heard, I was Speaker of the House. The President died two months ago, the Vice-President a week later. What's left of the Federal Government is holed up 200 feet below the White House. Most of our population, along with our armed forces, is dying or dead. We have no allies, we have no enemies... Just a world of sick, desperate people. If Dr. Scott has the makings of a cure, you must come home... now. 
:'''Slattery''': We came home. Found things not quite as hospitable as we'd hoped. No infrastructure... No government, no orders. So we went to the White House, and we were able to get our hands on many of the Presidential files and directives. This is the secretary of the Navy. I understand you... You knew him pretty well. ''[plays clip of SECNAV Ray Mabus]''
:'''Ray Mabus''': The U.S. Navy is currently on a mission to find the materials for a vaccine to combat the pandemic. If you're viewing this video, you are part of the new network of facilities in the United States and certain foreign countries, which were chosen to produce and distribute the vaccine. You'll be able to communicate with the civilian command with each other. Hopefully, you'll then start producing and distributing the vaccine, and we can get to the task of rebuilding our great nation. Godspeed.
:'''Slattery''': We have the cure, sir. Dr. Scott was able to produce it right here on this ship. Guess you wouldn't have any need for it yourself. The rest of the world, the ones who aren't lucky enough to be naturally immune... We got to Norfolk, we found pilots, we sent doses around the country and to Europe, as we were ordered to do. The project to mass-produce the cure was well under way, and then we ran into some problems. This is a recording made by one of our scientists. He was trying to get a message through to Dr. Scott. ''[replays Dr Hunter's entire desperate message to Rachel]'' You might recognize that Irish accent. Those were Sean Ramsey's people. They gained access to our secret network, the location of all our labs, and they blew them up with their long-range missiles. Destroyed our limited infrastructure, murdered our scientists... All because they believe that they are the inheritors of the earth. That's why Captain Chandler rescued you from the Ramseys. I can only assume you knew nothing about this. I mean, if you did... This is a comprehensive look at Dr. Scott's protocols, experiments, and trials. Complete Captain's logs, combat center records, including our attempt at a response to the Ramseys' assault on our labs. It's not easy to listen to, but I think it'll be informative. I'll let the Captain know that you've been briefed. ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tom Chandler talks to President Michener about what happened to him in the early stages of the pandemic]''
:'''CDR Thomas Chandler''': You blame yourself. You think you could've done something differently. Somehow, all those people would be alive... Your wife, your daughters? What could you have done differently, Jeff?
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Chandler''': We're going to New Orleans. And you're going to help us defeat whoever it is that twisted you all around, but we are never gonna get there until you face whatever it is you can't let go of.
:'''Michener''': There's nothing... Nothing to let go of! 
:'''Chandler''': It was your son, wasn't it?
:'''Michener''': He was in Michigan. Summer session at the [[University of Michigan|university]].
:'''Chandler''': You had him brought down to Florida.
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': Against CDC protocols!!
:'''Michener''': No.
:'''Chandler''': There was no way to test him, but he seemed okay, and you let him in the stadium.
:'''Michener''': That's not... that's not what happened! 
:'''Chandler''': I have the records from the White House.
:'''Michener''': No, you're wrong!
:'''Chandler''': Two days after you brought him to Florida, there was a massive outbreak in Ann Arbor. 
:'''Michener''': No, please! Please! That's not what happened!
:'''Chandler''': The security details... they were lax! You couldn't have known. He infected everyone in that stadium... it was hot! They were careless with their masks! Your wife, your daughters.
:'''Michener''': Please! No! No!
:'''Chandler''': It was all on you.
:'''Michener''': That's not what happened! Stop it!
:'''Chandler''': You were the one who was supposed to protect everybody.
:'''Michener''': Stop it.
:'''Chandler''': And then you stumbled into the immunes, and they told you that it was all meant to be and that you were chosen and your children were not and that all of this was destiny. And it was easy for you to believe because you needed to believe it...
:'''Michener''': Because it was the only way to go on.
:'''Chandler''': There's another way now. With us.
:'''Michener''': I killed my daughters.
:'''Chandler''': I know.
:'''Michener''': No. No. You don't.
:'''Chandler''': Then tell me. It's just you and me... Nobody else. Tell me.
:'''Michener''': After my son died... And my daughters started getting the symptoms... My wife... She begged me to put them out of their misery b-b-before it became... And I did it. ''[Voice breaking]'' With my own bare hands. I smothered them in their sleep. But Hollie... She woke up. A-and she struggled. And that's the last thing she ever felt was her father betraying her. ''[Sniffles]'' So... What do you say about that?

===''Valkyrie'' [2.11]===
:''[The Nathan James receives a strange broadcast amidst distress calls from New Orleans]''
:'''Sean Ramsey''': People of the surrounding area, my name is Sean Ramsey. I'm a lieutenant commander in the British Royal Navy. I came here as an ally of your United States Navy, but that was before I learned the truth. About the secret lab experiments, the release of the deadly virus by your military, and the subsequent government cover-up. By now, many of you will have seen the horrible video captured by witnesses on the scene. The US Navy ship that attacked New Orleans harbor was flying the American flag, but it doesn't represent you good people. That ship is a key part of a larger conspiracy to take over this country, and it won't be stopped until you are dead and a new world order is established. I know it's heartbreaking and Difficult to believe. But soon, you will have more evidence of the US Navy's role in creating the deadly virus. That is why we have created this mobile network to get out the truth... I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We Brits have not forgotten our special relationship with America... And to the captain of the USS Nathan James, who has kidnapped the American president and wreaked havoc on this great nation, hear this. We are coming for you. You cannot hide from justice. No matter where you go, there will be no safe harbor.

===''A More Perfect Union'' [2.13]===
:''[President Michener makes a video message]''
:'''US President Jeffrey Michener''': This is President Jeffrey Michener addressing all Americans from the Navy ship the USS Nathan James, which is now entering the heart of this great nation, the Mississippi river. We are survivors of this great plague, just as you are. We have struggled, just as you have, and we still have great hope in the future, just as you do. I know that you've stayed alive this long by isolating yourselves... And your families, that many of you have been living in fear, Fear of the virus, fear of each other... Fear of the unknown. There have been people out there who have taken advantage of that. Despicable rumors and misleading videos have been broadcast from this network, lies designed to manipulate you, to make you believe that this ship and the people on it are your enemy. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men and women on this ship are some of the bravest, noblest that I have ever met, and it is an outrage that their commitment to bring all of us the cure has been undermined by those who thrive on your fear. I can tell you now that we do have the cure for the Red Flu. Attached to this message is video footage where you can see for yourself our doctor attending and curing patients sick with the virus. It is our mission now to spread this cure to as many of you as we can. At noon tomorrow, the 18th, we expect to land at the docks in Vicksburg, where we will remain in port for six hours. On the 20th, we'll arrive in Tennessee. We have made contact with a few brave citizens at the college of Memphis. Our team will meet people there at 9:00 A.M., again, for a period of six hours. We'll end our journey at 10:00 A.M. the following day, the 21st, at the port of St. Louis. It's time to turn the tide and the bloodshed, put the past behind us, and heal this great nation, all of us together. Thank you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr Scott is heading back to her room, but encounters a strange man]''
:'''Man''': Hi. Are you the lady who made the cure?
:'''Dr Rachel Scott''': Yes. 
:'''Man''': Can I get it?
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, weren't you in the park earlier?
:'''Man''': No. I missed the party.
:'''Dr Scott''': Well, with so many people exposed, it's likely you caught it just walking into the hotel.
:'''Man''': Still, I'd like to get it from you... ''[walks closer]'' For history and all. How close do you have to be?
:'''Dr Scott''': Uh... That's close enough.
:'''Man''': Yeah. I think so. ''Sic semper tyrannis! [pulls out pistol and shoots Scott, then leaves her dead]''

==Season 5==
===''Casus Belli'' [5.1]===
:''[Admiral Chandler lectures in the US Naval Academy about the Peloponnesian War]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is how war begins. Athens and Sparta fought during a plague which wiped out much of the population. - Sound familiar? But the war brought only more death and destruction because people let their fear, their honor, their interest cloud their judgment. The Peloponnesian War may be ancient history, but its lessons are not. You here will be the first graduating class of midshipmen to enter the Navy since our own troubles ended just three years ago. We're in a time of peace, but peace doesn't keep itself. Ours is a small navy, which means... your importance to the mission is even larger. And you will take the lessons from history, both ancient and very recent, with you as you enter service. When you put on the uniform, you can't let your fear or your pride or your selfish interest lead you astray, or people die. We have to think differently because we are different. We are warriors.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tavo Barros makes a speech in the wake of the Fleet Week sneak attack]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': I will now speak directly to our enemies in a language they can understand. Americans, you are on notice. The people of Central and South America are united! We will no longer cower in fear of your big stick. For you do not offer us protection, but enslavement. Today marks the beginning of a new equilibrium. Gran Colombia will no longer sit at the children's table of international politics. It is our turn! Be warned. If the United States wants a fight, you will lose. For in the words of [[Simón Bolívar]], a people who love their freedom will, in the end, be free. And we are united... as a continent... to fight for that freedom. We are one nation under God! ''La Gran Colombia! Al Norte!''

===''Fog of War'' [5.2]===
:''[Commander Green address the Nathan James crew]''
:'''CDR Kara Foster-Green''': Many of you here are new to the Navy... new to this ship. Some of you, we've been here before. Either way, what happened in Mayport is not something you ever get used to. It hurts. And it was meant to hurt. That's what our enemy wanted to do. And today, he succeeded. It caught us off guard, sent a powerful message, trying to shake our resolve. But a war isn't lost because we're hurt. For over three years, the United States Navy has built, sustained, and protected its war-fighting culture. This attack doesn't change that. In fact, it will once again bring out the best in us. Our enemies have underestimated us. And if you doubt that, look back at the past few years. Look at the people who've been on this ship. When trouble arises, we have proven time and time again, no matter the enemy, no matter the odds, one ship can do it. This ship can do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Admiral Chandler summons to US SOUTHCOM a USNA midshipman who submitted a term paper to him about a future cyberattack]''
:'''Midshipman Clayton Swain''': Admiral Chandler?
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': Mr. Swain, before the planes came, the US was the victim of a cyberattack. It killed our satellites, shut down our anti-access and area denial systems, and destroyed weapons control on all our networked assets... ships, tanks, planes, helos, Aegis, and missile silos. 
:'''Swain''': Whoa. 
:'''Chandler''': Your theory was correct. Grab your things and come with me. You're gonna be here awhile. Do you need to call anyone?
:'''Swain''': I forgot to ask. 
:'''Chandler''': Are you married? Do you live with your folks?
:'''Swain''': No, sir. I'm not married, and, uh, my parents died in the plague.
:'''Chandler''': Right.
:'''Swain''': You wrote that U.S. military installations were extremely vulnerable to cyberattacks.
:'''Chandler''': That was my conclusion, sir. It had to do with the number of nodes and the redundancies...
:'''Swain''':  I need you to find the virus, where it came from, and how to get rid of it. You'll be working with Commander Granderson. Good luck, Mr. Swain.
:'''Chandler''': Oh. Raise your right hand. POTUS usually does this, but he's not here, so... Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
:'''Swain''': I do. 
:'''Chandler''': Congratulations, ''Ensign'' Swain. You are now a member of the United States Navy. Get to work.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[US SOUTHCOM and Admiral Chandler is informed of a call from the Nathan James broadcast in the clear]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This isn't a secure channel, Mike. 
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Yeah, I know. I finally got around to reading your favorite book. You got your copy handy?
:'''Chandler''': Hold on. Ensign Swain, do you have your copy of &quot;Moby-Dick&quot;? 
:'''ENS Clayton Swain''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Turn to page 366, nine paragraphs down. Last words.
:'''Chandler''': Working on it.
:'''Slattery''': This is how we're gonna have to communicate for the time being.
:'''Chandler''': Understood. Smart play, Mike. Well? What's the message?
:'''Swain''': &quot;Fit for a fight.&quot;
:'''Chandler''': We've got it.
:'''Slattery''': Tom, is the message clear?
:'''Chandler''': Yes, it is. We read you loud and clear.
:'''Slattery''': We'll be in touch.

===''El Puente'' [5.3]===
:''[A spitball incident in the Nathan James mess hall between the Cuban and Mexican envoys gets too personal and the crew tries hard to separate them]''
:'''ADM Mike Slattery''': Now, you listen to me. You and your men are gonna cut this shit out, you're gonna bury the hatchet. you're gonna make a deal, or I promise you, you will be swimming home. Escort them to the wardroom. Move! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Nathan James successfully fights off a Gran Colombian airstrike]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': This is Nathan James, calling Gustavo Barros. We just took out your airwing, and you didn't lay a glove on us. And you can mark that up along with your Corvette. Payback for Mayport. You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You know why? Because you can't. And now Mexico and Cuba have joined the fight. So this message goes out to all of Central and South America. There is a choice now. Join us. Send Gustavo back into the dirt hole he crawled out of. We fight for peace. But make no mistake... we will fight. And this ship and this crew? They're damn good at it. So, Gustavo... come at us again. I dare you. This is Nathan James. Out. ''[to bridge crew]'' Now, they know who we are, where we are. Let's be ready for what they throw at us. 
:'''Bridge crew''': Aye, sir.
:'''Chandler''' Nobody's talking about going home now. It's a good day.

===''Tropic of Cancer'' [5.4]===
:''[Alisha Granderson has figured out that the Fleet Week cyberattack was attributed to Kelsi visiting her in the office two days before - and confronts her at home]''
:'''CDR Alisha Granderson''': I didn't want to believe it. All those questions. &quot;Is Nathan James okay?&quot; &quot;Is Tom Chandler alive?&quot; &quot;Tell me, tell, me, tell me.&quot; You used me as a weapon. How long?
:'''Kelsi Baker''': Since before we met.
:'''Granderson''': Why? How?!
:'''Baker''': It was my duty. Surely, you can understand that.
:'''Granderson''': You're insane.
:'''Baker''': I'm insane? No. Insane is believing in lies and closing your eyes to the truth. Insane is having blind faith in a corrupt power structure. No, we need... What the people yearn for is an awakening. Have you heard Tavo speak? Have you heard his message? &quot;The first step towards tyranny&quot; &quot;is to believe&quot; &quot;the government will take care of everything.&quot;
:'''Granderson''': Kelsi, did I mean nothing to you?
:'''Baker''': Oh, I did care about you, Alisha. You should know that. And for awhile there, I thought I loved you, but... you and me, what we are... That doesn't even matter. Not now.

===''Warriors'' [5.5]===
:''[As Vulture team tries to hide in a Jamaican rum cellar from Gran Colombia invasion forces, Chandler talks to war strategist Dr Manuel Montano]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I was gonna wait till we were on the flight home, but it looks like we got a couple minutes, so let's take some time. You're the architect of Gustavo's war machine. What's the sequel to Plan Azul? Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas?
:'''Dr Manuel Montano''': I fight for the Latin American people. So that we will no longer be dependent on the whims of the north.
:'''Chandler''': Now you sound like your boss.
:'''Montano''': You're a man of war, Admiral. And a professor, as I understand. You tell me... how many invasions, bombs, coups, CIA black ops, and other interventions does it take before people push back?
:'''Chandler''': America's not your enemy.
:'''Montano''': America is a continent, not a country, Admiral. Learn that... maybe you'll understand La Revolución. Gustavo's not a revolutionary. He's not fighting to right old wrongs.
:'''Chandler''': He's a strong man and an opportunist, and he's killing more of your people than ours. 
:'''Montano''': I did not say I support Gustavo.
:'''Chandler''': You're not in Jamaica guarding Gustavo's secrets. You're running away.
:'''Montano''': Yes, Admiral.
:'''Chandler''': In another of the great post-plague ironies, one of the great strategists of war has become a pacifist.
:'''Montano''': The first time I heard him speak was in his home town. A little place called Rubi. He was a man of humble beginnings, speaking of hope, belonging... Listening to Tavo was a revelation. He put words to the pain and the shame of the South American experience... all we'd been feeling for so long. The plans we made together were going to do great good.
:'''Chandler''': So what changed?
:'''Montano''': Tavo changed.
:'''Chandler''': Or he stopped hiding his true intentions.
:'''Montano''': And it wasn't just rebels being killed, it was whole villages... anyone who fed into Tavo's paranoia. You can only see a child be burned alive so many times before you question your part in it all.
:'''Chandler''': You know his next moves. Help me stop him, help me end this.
:'''Montano''': If I help you, will that save my nation?
:'''Chandler''': If you don't, will your nation still be worth saving?
:'''Montano''': If I join you... I'm still an instrument of death. The only difference is the person delivering it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Flashback to a scene at the Chandler home. Admiral Chandler is in a heated argument with daughter Ashley]''
:'''ADM Thomas Chandler''': I just don't know what it is you're telling me. What are you telling me? ''[Ashley walks off]'' Get back here, I'm talking to you! Come back here, I'm talking to you. 
:'''Ashley Chandler''': Mom knew it, too! She knew you hated being home. You were never happy unless you were on your damn ship!
:'''Tom''': I'm sorry I'm the one you got stuck with. I'm sorry your mom died!
:'''Ashley''': And you weren't here.
:'''Tom''': Ashley. Ashley....
:'''Ashley''': You don't belong here. You belong out there.

===''Air Drop'' [5.6]===
:''[Gustavo Barros is interviewed]''
:'''Reporter''': I'm curious if your thinking has changed or if you regret starting a war with the United States.
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': We didn't start this war.
:'''Reporter''': You sank a US fleet in Mayport on the very day that your loyalists murder the duly-elected leader of Panama. That sounds textbook.
:'''Barros''': Mayport wasn't an attack, nor was it the beginning. You're young, but smart enough to know the US's history of murder and political insurrection in Latin America. [[w:1954 Guatemalan coup d'état|Guatemala '54]], [[w:Bay of Pigs invasion|Cuba '61]], [[w:Dominican Civil War|D.R. '65]], [[w:1973 Chilean coup d'état|Chile '73]], [[w:United_States_and_state-sponsored_terrorism|Nicaragua '82]], [[w:United_States_invasion_of_Grenada|Grenada '83]]. This war is a battle for the survival of the people of Gran Colombia. 
:'''Reporter''': So, is this your justification for the forced conscription, the purges, the death squads?
:'''Barros''': Where do you get this information from?
:'''Reporter''': Several accounts from defectors...
:'''Barros''': Defectors from what? Our borders are not closed. People are free to come and go as they wish.
:'''Reporter''': Their accounts are remarkably consistent.
:'''Barros''': This isn't a war of public opinion. This is about taking a fresh look at the world... Post-virus, post-famine. It's about adjusting the balance. United States have been bullies for too long. This movement is a rebirth. Take your camera and your notepad and go to the countryside. Go to the cities of Central and South America and see the pride in people's faces. Freedom from tyranny is what they demanded. And it's what I'm giving them. And I'm inviting the people of all of the Americas to join.

===''Courage'' [5.9]===
:''[General Hector Martinez is summoned along with the entire Gran Colombia high command to dinner with President Barros, but when he notices that the other generals are absent...]''
:'''President Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Bad news, Hector. The generals? They were plotting against me.
:'''General Hector Martinez''': Who, Tavo?
:'''Barros''': Eat, Hector. Gazpacho shouldn't be allowed to warm to room temperature. It's good.
:'''Martinez''': There must be a mistake. You're telling me there was a coup amongst my generals?
:'''Barros''': ''Your'' generals? I hope they aren't your generals, Hector. No. They're cowards. And I warned you against them. 
:'''Martinez''': ''[Spanish]'' Are you sure? I've known these men a very long time. I would have heard something.
:'''Barros''': There is no mistake, Hector.
:'''Martinez''': So you have proof?
:'''Barros''': Conchita saw it. In the cards.
:'''Martinez''': Tavo. We cannot play with men's lives. These cards cannot always be trusted.
:'''Barros''': They confessed. Chacon, Bianchi, Rodriguez, Munos, Moreno. Every single one of them.
:'''Martinez''': Oh, my God.
:'''Barros''': But it doesn't matter, not really. All I wanted to know... the only thing I asked them before I removed their intestines was, did Hector know? Of course, none of them gave you up. But they gave each other up real quick. But you? Not you. Then I started feeling bad. For doubting you. ''[sees Maza distraught]'' It's... it's okay.
:'''Martinez''': No, no, no, no. With all the pressure from the war, I've...
:'''Barros''': I know I've gone a little crazy. And I'm sorry about that.
:'''Martinez''': You don't have to apologize, Tavo. I support you. Always.
:'''Barros''': Of course you do. Of course, I know. That is why I want you to lead the investigation to see just how far down this conspiracy goes. I want it torn out by the roots!
:'''Martinez''': ''Sí'', Tavo. I will handle it personally. Like always.
:'''Barros''': Like always. Conchita. ''[Conchita leaves]'' Hector, my friend. My brother. ''[Barros' bodyguard suddenly stabs Martinez]'' If you're gonna stab a man in the back, the least that you can do is look him in the eye!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nina talks to Admiral Chandler about the war film showing for the sailors and Marines on the eve of the Gran Colombia invasion]''
:'''Nina Garside''': Guess Gator's got the right idea. Try and keep their minds off things, even just for a few hours. So, tell me, Admiral. What's going through your head on the night before D-Day?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Nathan James.
:'''Garside''': The ship?
:'''Chandler''': The sailor. Ship's namesake. Captain Nathan James skippered a PT boat during the war in the Pacific. His fleet was decimated. His boat was all that was left standing against nine Japanese destroyers. The boat sank beneath him. Not before he stopped the enemy's advance. He single-handedly saved a fleet of newly-repaired American destroyers coming out of Pearl Harbor carrying thousands of sailors into the fight. Captain James said, &quot;war is a beast.&quot; It appears in many forms. Sometimes it's the beast you face head on, out on the field of battle. As equals. Sometimes the beast hides out. Lurking somewhere in the deep, biding its time &quot;until, when your guard is dropped, it comes for you.&quot; &quot;Bloodthirsty and merciless.&quot; &quot;And it drags you under. On any given day, you never know which beast you're gonna face.&quot; 
:'''Garside''': Which beast is it for you, Admiral?

===''Commitment'' [5.10]===
:''[Sasha Cooper and Danny Green have cornered Gustavo Barros]''
:'''Gustavo &quot;Tavo&quot; Barros''': Where is he... Tom Chandler? Where is he? 
:'''Danny Green''': He couldn't be bothered. 
:'''Sasha Cooper''': The war's over. Your army surrendered. Your turn.
:'''Tavo''': I will only surrender to Tom Chandler, soldier to soldier.
:'''Green''': We'll send your regards. Get on the floor. Now. ''[shoots Tavo when he tries to reach for a pistol; as he dies] Viva Tavo.''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After the Nathan James is destroyed, Admiral Chandler is in a near-death dream sequence where he witnesses footage of himself being relieved of command in front of the crew]''
:'''President Jeffrey Michener''': I'm proud to honor you today for your service to the U.S. Navy, our great nation, and the world. Captain Chandler, are you ready to be relieved of command?
:'''Admiral Chandler''': Who am I passing off command to?
:'''Commander Alicia Granderson''': We have the watch, sir. 
:''[band plays Adagio for Strings as certain people stand up]''
:'''Captain Andrea Garnett''': We have the watch. 
:'''LTJG Will Mason''': We have the watch. 
:'''Petty Officer Cosetti''': We have the watch. 
:'''Lieutenant Commander Barker''': We have the watch. 
:'''Chief Hospital Corpsman Doc Rios''': We have the watch. 
:'''Commander Carlton Burk''': We have the watch, sir. 
:'''Admiral Joseph Meylan''': Bosun, stand by to pipe the side. Shipmates going ashore. ''[everybody stands up]''
:'''President Michener''': It's time, pal. God bless you and God bless America.

== Cast ==
* Eric Dane - CDR/CAPT/ADM Thomas Chandler, USN 
* Rhona Mitra - Dr Rachel Scott
* Adam Baldwin - CDR/CAPT/ADM Mike Slattery, USN

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Last Ship (TV series)}} 
* {{imdb title|2402207|The Last Ship TV series}}
* {{official website|http://www.thelastshiptnt.com/}}

[[Category:2010s American drama TV shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Lemmy</title>
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        <username>Ahti-Saku</username>
        <id>3126681</id>
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      <model>wikitext</model>
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[[File:Lemmy-02.jpg|thumb|Lemmy in 2005]]

'''[[w:Lemmy|Ian Fraser Kilmister]]''' (24 December 1945 – 28 December 2015), better known as '''Lemmy''', was an English musician who was the founder, lead singer, bassist and primary songwriter of the rock band [[Motörhead]], of which he was the only continuous member.

==1980==
* We wanna be like Status Quo and go on forever. Chuck Berry never changed. Little Richard never changed. I’d rather be like that and stick to a formula we’re happy with. 

==1999==
* You can’t keep guys faithful. If people want to get married and then run around, I think that’s dishonest. If you’re going to get married, get fucking married and that’s it. I never saw a chick that could stop me looking at all the others, so I didn’t. 

==2006==
* If you can give the kids a good time then that’s all it’s for. Forget art and all that – that’s bullshit. If you can send that shiver down a kid’s back then that’s what it’s all about. All else is bullshit. 

==2015==
* In your twenties, you think you are immortal. In your thirties, you hope you are immortal. In your forties, you just pray it doesn’t hurt too much, and by the time you reach my age, you become convinced that, well, it could be just around the corner.

==Autobiography==
* Apparently people don't like the truth, but I do like it; I like it because it upsets a lot of people.

* Motörhead is nothing if not democratic, but I don't think it's fair to be waving your dick around when people are minding their own business and might not want to see it.

==References==
* https://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/dec/29/lemmy-a-life-in-quotes
* https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/the-tao-of-lemmy-18-great-quotes-from-the-motorhead-frontman-58704/
* https://www.radiox.co.uk/features/lemmys-greatest-words-of-wisdom/

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Singers from England]]
[[Category:Guitarists from England]]
[[Category:Heavy metal singers]]
[[Category:Songwriters]]
[[Category:Libertarians]]
[[Category:Agnostics]]
[[Category:1945 births]]
[[Category:2015 deaths]]</text>
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        <id>3126681</id>
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[[File:Lemmy-02.jpg|thumb|Lemmy in 2005]]

'''[[w:Lemmy|Ian Fraser Kilmister]]''' (24 December 1945 – 28 December 2015), better known as '''Lemmy''', was an English musician who was the founder, lead singer, bassist and primary songwriter of the rock band [[Motörhead]], of which he was the only continuous member.

==1980==
* We wanna be like Status Quo and go on forever. Chuck Berry never changed. Little Richard never changed. I’d rather be like that and stick to a formula we’re happy with. 

==1999==
* You can’t keep guys faithful. If people want to get married and then run around, I think that’s dishonest. If you’re going to get married, get fucking married and that’s it. I never saw a chick that could stop me looking at all the others, so I didn’t. 

==2006==
* If you can give the kids a good time then that’s all it’s for. Forget art and all that – that’s bullshit. If you can send that shiver down a kid’s back then that’s what it’s all about. All else is bullshit. 

==2015==
* In your twenties, you think you are immortal. In your thirties, you hope you are immortal. In your forties, you just pray it doesn’t hurt too much, and by the time you reach my age, you become convinced that, well, it could be just around the corner.

==Autobiography==
* Apparently people don't like the truth, but I do like it; I like it because it upsets a lot of people.

* Motörhead is nothing if not democratic, but I don't think it's fair to be waving your dick around when people are minding their own business and might not want to see it.

==References==
* https://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/dec/29/lemmy-a-life-in-quotes
* https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/the-tao-of-lemmy-18-great-quotes-from-the-motorhead-frontman-58704/
* https://www.radiox.co.uk/features/lemmys-greatest-words-of-wisdom/

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Singer-songwriters from England]]
[[Category:Guitarists from England]]
[[Category:Heavy metal singers]]
[[Category:Autobiographers]]
[[Category:Libertarians]]
[[Category:Agnostics]]
[[Category:1945 births]]
[[Category:2015 deaths]]</text>
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[[File:Lemmy-02.jpg|thumb|Lemmy in 2005]]

'''[[w:Lemmy|Ian Fraser Kilmister]]''' (24 December 1945 – 28 December 2015), better known as '''Lemmy''', was an English musician who was the founder, lead singer, bassist and primary songwriter of the rock band [[Motörhead]], of which he was the only continuous member.

==1980==
* We wanna be like Status Quo and go on forever. Chuck Berry never changed. Little Richard never changed. I’d rather be like that and stick to a formula we’re happy with. 

==1999==
* You can’t keep guys faithful. If people want to get married and then run around, I think that’s dishonest. If you’re going to get married, get fucking married and that’s it. I never saw a chick that could stop me looking at all the others, so I didn’t. 

==2006==
* If you can give the kids a good time then that’s all it’s for. Forget art and all that – that’s bullshit. If you can send that shiver down a kid’s back then that’s what it’s all about. All else is bullshit. 

==2015==
* In your twenties, you think you are immortal. In your thirties, you hope you are immortal. In your forties, you just pray it doesn’t hurt too much, and by the time you reach my age, you become convinced that, well, it could be just around the corner.

==Autobiography==
* Apparently people don't like the truth, but I do like it; I like it because it upsets a lot of people.

* Motörhead is nothing if not democratic, but I don't think it's fair to be waving your dick around when people are minding their own business and might not want to see it.

==References==
* https://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/dec/29/lemmy-a-life-in-quotes
* https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/the-tao-of-lemmy-18-great-quotes-from-the-motorhead-frontman-58704/
* https://www.radiox.co.uk/features/lemmys-greatest-words-of-wisdom/

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Singer-songwriters from England]]
[[Category:Guitarists from England]]
[[Category:Heavy metal singers]]
[[Category:Autobiographers from the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Libertarians]]
[[Category:Agnostics]]
[[Category:Critics of religion]]
[[Category:1945 births]]
[[Category:2015 deaths]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Top Gun: Maverick</title>
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'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes out there... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of one man: Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought you'd ﻿understand why. I hope he forgives me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
      <sha1>eloagnu5v8qp9t5f0nuekisrlo6pxsk</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146206</id>
      <parentid>3146075</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:03:59Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11737" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* ''[commandeering an F-14]'' Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes out there... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of one man: Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought you'd ﻿understand why. I hope he forgives me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
      <sha1>9nt72idoxh4wiw66e2zm60t10v83kli</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146222</id>
      <parentid>3146206</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T06:58:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>AC9016</username>
        <id>2870313</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11884" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* ''[commandeering an F-14]'' Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': This isn't a joke. I asked you a question.
:'''Maverick''': I'm where I belong, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes out there... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. The future is coming, and you're not in it. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of one man: Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought you'd ﻿understand why. I hope he forgives me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
      <sha1>f06vwn2x7lhqn26mwptvqje4xu5pygv</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146224</id>
      <parentid>3146222</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T07:00:12Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>AC9016</username>
        <id>2870313</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11917" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* ''[commandeering an F-14]'' Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': This isn't a joke. I asked you a question.
:'''Maverick''': I'm where I belong, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes out there... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. The future is coming, and you're not in it. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of one man: Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. You don't have to take this job. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought you'd ﻿understand why. I hope he forgives me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
      <sha1>5j7nizdovtkydg4z3kn9xbdodfn89uu</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146227</id>
      <parentid>3146224</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T07:10:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>AC9016</username>
        <id>2870313</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11908" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* ''[commandeering an F-14]'' Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': This isn't a joke. I asked you a question.
:'''Maverick''': I'm where I belong, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes out there... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. The future is coming, and you're not in it. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. You don't have to take this job. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought you'd ﻿understand why. I hope he forgives me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
      <sha1>ai456kishnvhg0vx7u1m29ja9cqeu1v</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146228</id>
      <parentid>3146227</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T07:11:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>AC9016</username>
        <id>2870313</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11927" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* ''[commandeering an F-14]'' Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': This isn't a joke. I asked you a question.
:'''Maverick''': I'm where I belong, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes you've been testing, Captain... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. The future is coming, and you're not in it. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. You don't have to take this job. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought you'd ﻿understand why. I hope he forgives me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
      <sha1>t0buvdcwdkr7vvhv8zgnpevvwj7zsrg</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146229</id>
      <parentid>3146228</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T07:22:58Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>AC9016</username>
        <id>2870313</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11933" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* ''[commandeering an F-14]'' Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': This isn't a joke. I asked you a question.
:'''Maverick''': I'm where I belong, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes you've been testing, Captain... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. The future is coming, and you're not in it. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. You don't have to take this job. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought in time he'd understand why. I hoped he'd forgive me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146230</id>
      <parentid>3146229</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T07:34:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>AC9016</username>
        <id>2870313</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11937" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Top Gun: Maverick}}''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] and a sequel to ''[[Top Gun]]'' about Maverick's return to the United States Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor program, where he must confront his past as he trains a group of younger fighter pilots, among them the son of Maverick's best friend Goose.
:''Directed by {{w|Joseph Kosinski}}. Written by {{w|Ehren Kruger}}, {{w|Eric Warren Singer}} and {{w|Christopher McQuarrie}}. Based on characters by {{w|Jim Cash}} and {{w|Jack Epps Jr.}}''

[[File:F-14 final catapult July 2006.jpg|thumb|Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.]]
[[File:NAS North Island Seal.svg|thumb|&quot;The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;Maybe so, sir. But not today.&quot;]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|Talk to me, Goose.]]
[[File:Legionnaire of the Legion of Merit.jpg|thumb|&quot;Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's one of life's mysteries, sir.&quot;]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb|You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back... We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.]]
[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]]]

== Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell ==
* ''[commandeering an F-14]'' Alright, sweetheart. One last ride.
* Talk to me, Goose.

== LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw ==
*[[Top Gun|Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit.]]
* Talk to me, Dad.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Rear Admiral Chester 'Hammer' Cain''': ''[going through Maverick's service record]'' Thirty-plus years of service. Combat medals. Citations. Only man to shoot down three enemy planes in the last 40 years. &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; &quot;Distinguished.&quot; Yet you can't get a promotion, you won't retire, and despite your best efforts, you refuse to die. You should be at least a two-star Admiral by now, if not a Senator. Yet here you are. Captain. Why is that?
:'''Maverick''': It's one of life's mysteries, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': This isn't a joke. I asked you a question.
:'''Maverick''': I'm where I belong, sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': Well, the Navy doesn't see it that way. Not anymore. Those planes you've been testing, Captain... one day sooner than later they won't need pilots at all. Pilots that need to eat, sleep, take a piss. ''[glares at Maverick]'' Pilots that disobey orders. All you did was buy some time for those men out there. The future is coming, and you're not in it. ''[to the Masters-at-Arms]'' Escort this man off the base. Take him to his quarters. Wait with him while he packs his gear. I want him on the road to North Island within the hour.
:'''Maverick''': North Island, sir?
:'''RADM Cain''': Call came in with impeccable timing just as I was driving here to ground your ass once and for all. It galls me to say it, but... for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to Top Gun.
:'''Maverick''': ''[in disbelief]'' Sir.
:'''RADM Cain''': ''[calling after Maverick as he goes to leave]'' The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
:'''Maverick''': Maybe so, sir. But not today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': I'm Vice Admiral Simpson, the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
:'''Maverick''': Warlock, sir.
:'''Vice Admiral Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': Captain Pete &quot;Maverick&quot; Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
:'''Maverick''': Thank you, sir.
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': It wasn't a compliment.
:'''Maverick''': I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': They're called &quot;orders,&quot; Maverick. You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88. 
:'''Meverick''': Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
:''[...]''
:'''VADM Simpson''': We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
:'''Maverick''': With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
:'''VADM Simpson''': You were a Top Gun instructor before.
:'''Maverick''': That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months.
:'''VADM Simpson''': Well, let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. You weren't even on a ''list''. You are here at the request of Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. You don't have to take this job. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. Either you fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Iceman]''
:'''Maverick''': Admiral. ''[sits down]'' How's my wingman?
:'''Admiral Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky''': ''[types on his computer]'' I want to talk about work.
:'''Maverick''': Let's not talk about that. What can I do for you? ''[Iceman points at the typed words.]'' Rooster is still mad at me for what I did. I thought in time he'd understand why. I hoped he'd forgive me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' There's still time.
:'''Maverick''': Less than three weeks to the mission. The kid is not ready.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' Then teach him.
:'''Maverick''': It's not about what I can give him. Ice, please. Ice, don't ask me to send someone else to die, please- don't ask me to send him. Send me.
:'''Iceman''': ''[typing]'' It's time to let go.
:'''Maverick''': ''[visibly emotional]'' I don't know how. I'm not a teacher, Ice. I'm a fighter pilot. A naval aviator. It's not what I am, it's who I am. How can I teach that? Even if I could teach it, it's not what Rooster wants. It's not what the Navy wants. That's why they canned me the last time. The only reason I'm here is ''you.'' If I send him on this mission, he may never come home. And if I don't send him... he will never forgive me. Either way, I lose him forever. ''[looks again at the computer screen]'' I know.
:''[Iceman stands up]''
:'''Iceman''': ''[whispering]'' The Navy needs Maverick. The kid needs Maverick. That's why I fought for you. That's why you're still here.
:'''Maverick''': ''[embraces Iceman]'' Thank you, Ice, for everything.
:'''Iceman''': One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' This is a nice moment, let's not ruin it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Maverick chances upon Rooster at the ready room in the wake of Phoenix and Bob's bird strike]''
:'''Maverick''': They're keeping Phoenix and Bob in the hospital overnight for observation. They're gonna be okay.
:'''Lieutenant Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': That's good. ''[pauses]'' I've never lost a wingman.
:'''Maverick''': You're lucky. Keep flying long enough, it'll happen. There will be others.
:''[...]''
:'''Rooster''': Why'd you pull my papers at the [[United States Naval Academy|Academy]]? Why did you ''stand in my way?''
:'''Maverick''': You weren't ready.
:'''Rooster''': Ready for what? Huh? Ready to fly like you?
:'''Maverick''': No, ready to forget the book. Trust your instincts! Don't think, just do. [[Top Gun|You think up there, you're dead. Believe me.]]
:'''Rooster''': My dad believed in you. I'm not gonna make the same mistake. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw''': There's more than one way to fly this mission.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': You really don't get it. On this mission, a man flies like Maverick here, or a man does not come back. ''[to Phoenix]'' No offense, Lieutenant.
:'''LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd''': But somehow, you always manage.
:'''LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin''': Hey, I don't mean to criticize, you're conservative, that's all.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant...
:'''Hangman''': We're going into combat, son, on a level no living pilot's ever seen. ''[referring to Maverick]'' Not even him. That's no time to be thinking about the past.
:'''Rooster''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Maverick''': Rooster...
:'''Hangman''': I can't be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man.
:'''Maverick''': Lieutenant, that's enough.
:'''Hangman''': Or that Maverick was flying when his old man-
:''[Rooster jumps up and tries to attack Hangman; the other pilots hold him back and separate the two]''
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Rooster''': You son of a bitch!
:'''Hangman''': Hey, I'm cool, I'm cool. Hey.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough!
:'''Hangman''': He's not cut out for this mission.
:'''Maverick''': That's enough.
:'''Hangman''': ''[to Maverick, leaving the room]'' You know it. You know I'm right.
:'''Maverick''': You're all dismissed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''VADM Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson''': You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do, risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission, or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
:'''Maverick''': Sir...
:'''RADM Solomon 'Warlock' Bates''': I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hangman''': ''[after destroying the plane that almost killed Maverick and Rooster]'' Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.
:'''Rooster''': Hey, Hangman, you look good.
:'''Hangman''': I ''am'' good, Rooster. I'm ''very good''. I'll see you back on deck.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* {{w|Miles Teller}} - LT Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw
* {{w|Jennifer Connelly}} - Penelope 'Penny' Benjamin
* {{w|John Hamm}} - Vice Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson
* {{w|Glen Powell}} - LT Jake 'Hangman' Seresin
* {{w|Lewis Pullman}} - LT Robert 'Bob' Floyd
* {{w|Ed Harris}} - Rear Adm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain
* [[Val Kilmer]] - Adm. Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* {{w|Monica Barbaro}} - LT Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace
* {{w|Charles Parnell}} - Rear Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates
* {{w|Jay Ellis}} - LT Reuben 'Payback' Fitch
* {{w|Danny Ramirez}} - LT Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia
* [[w:Greg Davis (actor)|Greg Tarzan Davis]] - LT Javy 'Coyote' Machado
* {{w|Manny Jacinto}} - LT Billy 'Fritz' Avalone
* Jack Schumacher - LT Neil 'Omaha' Vikander
* {{w|Bashir Salahuddin}} - CWO4 Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman
* {{w|Jake Picking}} - LT Brigham 'Harvard' Lennox
* [[w:Raymond Lee (actor)|Raymond Lee]] - LT Logan 'Yale' Lee
* Kara Wang - LT Callie 'Halo' Bassett
* {{w|Lyliana Wray}} - Amelia Benjamin
* {{w|Jean Louisa Kelly}} - Sarah Kazanski
* {{w|Chelsea Harris}} - Flag Aide Angela Burke
* [[w:Bob Stephenson (actor)|Bob Stephenson]] - Senior Engineer
* {{w|Anthony Edwards}} - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}
* {{w|Meg Ryan}} - Carol Bradshaw {{small|(archival footage)}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{imdb title|id=1745960|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun_maverick|title=Top Gun: Maverick}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]</text>
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    <title>Obi-Wan Kenobi (TV series)</title>
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        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
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'''''[[w:Obi-Wan Kenobi (TV series)|Obi-Wan Kenobi]]''''' (2022) is a six-part miniseries based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, centered around exiled Jedi Master Obi-Wan &quot;Ben&quot; Kenobi.

== Season 1 ==
=== ''Part I'' (1.1)===
:''[In Mos Eisley, Obi-Wan is unhitching his eopie from its stable when a bag is tossed at his feet - the skyhopper toy he had obtained from the Jawas. Owen Lars is in the doorway, glaring.]''
:'''Owen Lars''': I want you to stay away from him. We don't need anything from you, Ben.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': It's just a toy.
:'''Owen''': It's a lot more than that.
:'''Obi-Wan''': There's more to life than your farm, Owen. He needs to see that. There's a whole galaxy out there.
:'''Owen''': I'm asking you... to leave us alone, Ben. I mean it.
:'''Obi-Wan''': Is he okay?
:'''Owen''': You don't care if he's okay. You care if he's showing.
:'''Obi-Wan''': He's my responsibility, Owen.
:'''Owen''': Well, I'm his uncle.
:'''Obi-Wan''': We talked about this. When the time comes, he must be trained.
:'''Owen''': Like you trained his father? Anakin is dead, Ben, and I won't let you make the same mistake twice. So leave him on the farm, with his family, where he belongs.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[At the saloon in Mos Eisley, the Grand Inquisitor and his agents interrogate the manager.]''
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': You know who we are?
:'''Bar Manager''': Inquisitors.
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': You know what we do?
:'''Bar Manager''': You hunt Jedi.
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': In actuality, I would say the Jedi hunt themselves. Do you know the key to hunting Jedi, friend? It is patience. Jedi cannot help what they are. Their compassion... leaves a trail. For example, in our line of work, rumors run rampant. Here’s one I heard just recently: it involves a Jedi, hiding, right here in your lovely saloon. Let’s say ours is a wanderer. Maybe he’s looking for people like him. He comes across this establishment, nice place. Then, he sees... You. A man in need. Perhaps the locals are stealing from you. Threatening you. So what is the Jedi to do? Help you, and risk exposure? Or move on? Now if he were smart he’d keep moving, but the Jedi code is like an itch; he cannot help it! So he steps in and saves your saloon. You offer him a place to hide, fresh water, shade from the suns, but the stories, they begin, and they travel quickly... His compassion has been his undoing.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Stay hidden. Live a normal life.
:'''Nari''': What about the people that need us? What about the fight?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': The fight is done. We lost.
:'''Nari''': What happened to you? You were once a great Jedi.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': The time of the Jedi is over. Go back to the town. Let it go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[On Alderaan, Senator Bail Organa deals with his ten-year-old adoptive daughter Leia after an incident at a reception.]''
:'''Bail Organa''': I wanted to live out ''way'' past Kathou when I was your age. Chase purrgil, you know? I had a whole plan.
:'''Leia Organa''': What happened?
:'''Bail''': I got older. Had to find some other adventures. Started chasing your mother instead. This is your future, Leia. In a few years, you'll be off to university, then Junior Senate.
:'''Leia''': The Senate's boring. It's people in itchy clothes arguing.
:'''Bail''': ''[chuckles]'' Well, it may seem so...
:'''Leia''': I don't want to be a senator.
:'''Bail''': Which is why you'll probably be one of the best.
:'''Leia''': ''[glumly]'' I'm not even a real Organa.
:'''Bail''': What...? ''[kneels next to her]'' Don't ever say that. You are our child. You are an Organa in every way. One day, this planet will look to ''you'', Leia. There are many ways to lead. You just have to find yours.

=== ''Part II'' (1.2) ===
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': ''[to the Third Sister]'' Whatever power you are craving, it will not change what you are: The least of us.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Haja Estree''': I am Haja Estree, Jedi. I help all who are in need. In return, I ask only a few credits. The shadows are my realm, for the light is an unforgiving place for my kind.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Of course. How much?
:'''Haja Estree''': Five hundred to locate the girl, another three hundred to take you to her.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Goodness, that light is unforgiving.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[to Haja Estree]'' You're a bottom-feeder, a rat who preys on weakness. But in my experience, rats know more about the sewers than anyone else.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Third Sister hunts for Obi-Wan at the cargo port on Daiyu.]''
:'''Third Sister''': You don't have to worry. You're not going to die... ''today''. I'm just going to take you to him. Lord Vader will be pleased.
:''[Obi-Wan looks horrified, knowing full well who Vader is]''
:'''Third Sister''': You didn't know. He's alive, Obi-Wan. Anakin Skywalker is alive. And he's been looking for ''you'' for a long time.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[On the automated transport to Mapuzo, Obi-Wan struggles with the Third Sister's revelation.]''
:'''Leia Organa''': ''[faintly]'' What is it? Are you okay?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[whispers]'' Anakin.
:''[Within his fortress on Mustafar, Darth Vader - formerly Anakin Skywalker - awakens...]''

=== ''Part III'' (1.3) ===
:''[Third Sister has contacted Darth Vader regarding Obi-Wan's whereabouts]''
:'''Darth Vader''': Where is he?
:'''Third Sister''': ''[via hologram]'' We have probes out. We're tracking all possible exits. He will pay for the Grand Inquisitor's-
:'''Darth Vader''': The Grand Inquisitor means nothing. Kenobi is all that matters now. Is that understood?
:'''Third Sister''': Yes, my Lord.
:'''Darth Vader''': I have been watching you, Third Sister. I know what it is you seek. Prove yourself, and the position of Grand Inquisitor is yours. Fail me, and you will not live to regret it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Obi-Wan is looking at the writings surviving Jedi left in the safehouse and stops at one of them]''
:'''Leia Organa''': What does it say?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': &quot;Only when the eyes are closed can you truly see.&quot;
:'''Leia Organa''': See what?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leia Organa''': How does it work? The Force. What does it feel like?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Have you ever been afraid of the dark? ''[Leia nods]'' How does it feel when you turn on the light?
:'''Leia Organa''': I feel safe.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Yes, it feels like that.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[Obi-Wan is confronted by Vader on Mapuzo]''
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': What have you become?
:'''Darth Vader''': I am what you've made me.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Darth Vader''': The years have made you weak.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Darth Vader''': You should have killed me when you had the chance.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[Darth Vader has Obi-Wan Kenobi in a Force hold, with the ground between them on fire]''
:'''Darth Vader''': Now ''you'' will suffer, Obi-Wan! ''[Vader slams Obi-Wan into the ground and drags him into the fire]'' Your pain has just begun.

=== ''Part IV'' (1.4) ===
:''[A furious Darth Vader arrives at Fortress Inquisitorius on Nur after Obi-Wan rescues Leia, and begins Force-choking the Third Sister, lifting her off the floor.]''
:'''Darth Vader''': You were warned what defeat would bring! I will tolerate your weakness... ''no longer''.
:'''Third Sister''': ''[struggling]'' I... I let them go. ''[Vader relaxes his grip]'' I put a tracker on the ship. Soon the location of the network and Kenobi will be ours.
:''[Vader gently lowers her to the floor.]''
:'''Darth Vader''': It seems I have underestimated you.
:'''Fifth Brother''': But my Lord, the base was almost destroyed!
:'''Third Sister''': Kenobi is all that matters.
:'''Darth Vader''': There can be no mistakes. You're certain the tracker is with ''him''?
:'''Third Sister''': Yes, my Lord. Where he goes, it will follow.

=== ''Part V'' (1.5) ===
:''[Flashback to Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan on Coruscant]''
:'''Anakin Skywalker''': I was beginning to think you weren't coming... Master.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Good. Then maybe I stand more of a chance this time. ''[Anakin ignites his lightsaber]'' Are you ready?
:'''Anakin Skywalker''': Are ''you''?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[ignites his lightsaber]'' Then let's begin.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': You grow too aggressive, Anakin! Be mindful! A Jedi's goal is to defend life, not take it! ''[Anakin charges Obi-Wan, they end up back-to-back]''
:'''Anakin Skywalker''': Mercy doesn't defeat the enemy, Master. ''[resumes his attack]'' Which is why you're gonna ''lose''!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Grand Inquisitor''': Hello, Third Sister.  Revenge does wonders for the will to live, don't you think? Your rage was useful. Now, it is tiresome. We will leave you where we found you: in the gutter, where you belong. Goodbye... ''[removes Grand Inquisitor pin from Reva's uniform]'' &quot;Grand Inquisitor&quot;.

=== ''Part VI'' (1.6) ===
:'''Darth Vader''': Have you come to destroy me, Obi-Wan?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''':  ''[ignites lightsaber]'' I will do what I must.
:'''Darth Vader''': Then you will die.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Obi-Wan has sliced open Darth Vader's mask, revealing the scarred face of Anakin beneath]''
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Anakin...
:'''Darth Vader''': ''[distorted voice]'' Anakin is gone. I'm what remains.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[tearfully]'' I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Anakin... for all of it.
:'''Darth Vader''': I'm not your failure, Obi-Wan. You... didn't kill... Anakin Skywalker. ''I did''. The same way... I will destroy you!
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[pauses]'' Then my friend is truly dead. Goodbye... Darth.
:'''Darth Vader''': Obi-Wan! ''[collapses]'' OBI-WAN!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Darth Vader''': The probes are tracking every system within range. We will destroy everything in our path until he is found!
:'''Emperor Palpatine''': You seem agitated, my friend.
:'''Darth Vader''': He will not evade me again.
:'''Emperor Palpatine''': I wonder if your thoughts on this are clear, Lord Vader. Perhaps your feelings for your old Master have left you weakened. If your past cannot be overcome...
:'''Darth Vader''': ''[pauses]'' Kenobi means nothing. I serve only you, my Master.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Riding through the Jundland Wastes on his eopie, Obi-Wan encounters a familiar presence in the Force...]''
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Master Qui-Gon?
:''[The Force ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn turns, an amused look on his face]''
:'''Qui-Gon Jinn''': Well! Took you long enough.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': I was beginning to think you'd never come.
:'''Qui-Gon Jinn''': I was always here, Obi-Wan. You just... were not ready to see. ''[beckons]'' Come on! We've got a ways to go.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Ewan McGregor|Ewan McGregor]] - Obi-Wan &quot;Ben&quot; Kenobi
* [[w:Vivien Lyra Blair|Vivien Lyra Blair]] - Princess Leia Organa
* [[w:Hayden Christensen|Hayden Christensen]] and [[w:James Earl Jones|James Earl Jones]] - Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader
* [[w:Rupert Friend|Rupert Friend]] - The Grand Inquisitor
* [[w:Moses Ingram|Moses Ingram]] - Reva Sevander/The Third Sister 
* [[w:Joel Edgerton|Joel Edgerton]] - Owen Lars
* [[w:Jimmy Smits|Jimmy Smits]] - Senator Bail Organa

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|8466564|Obi-Wan Kenobi}}
* {{official website|https://www.starwars.com/series/obi-wan-kenobi}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Obi-Wan Kenobi}}
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Star Wars]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146205</id>
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        <id>16205</id>
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      <comment>/* Part I (1.1) */</comment>
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      <text bytes="11515" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Obi-Wan Kenobi (TV series)|Obi-Wan Kenobi]]''''' (2022) is a six-part miniseries based on Star Wars, airing on Disney+, centered around exiled Jedi Master Obi-Wan &quot;Ben&quot; Kenobi.

== Season 1 ==
=== ''Part I'' (1.1)===
:''[In Mos Eisley, Obi-Wan is unhitching his eopie from its stable when a bag is tossed at his feet - the skyhopper toy he had obtained from the Jawas. Owen Lars is in the doorway, glaring.]''
:'''Owen Lars''': I want you to stay away from him. We don't need anything from you, Ben.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': It's just a toy.
:'''Owen''': It's a lot more than that.
:'''Obi-Wan''': There's more to life than your farm, Owen. He needs to see that. There's a whole galaxy out there.
:'''Owen''': I'm asking you... to leave us alone, Ben. I mean it.
:'''Obi-Wan''': Is he okay?
:'''Owen''': You don't care if he's okay. You care if he's showing.
:'''Obi-Wan''': He's my responsibility, Owen.
:'''Owen''': Well, I'm his uncle.
:'''Obi-Wan''': We talked about this. When the time comes, he must be trained.
:'''Owen''': Like you trained his father? Anakin is dead, Ben, and I won't let you make the same mistake twice. So leave him on the farm, with his family, where he belongs.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[At the saloon in Mos Eisley, the Grand Inquisitor and his agents interrogate the manager.]''
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': You know who we are?
:'''Bar Manager''': Inquisitors.
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': You know what we do?
:'''Bar Manager''': You hunt Jedi.
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': In actuality, I would say the Jedi hunt themselves. Do you know the key to hunting Jedi, friend? It is patience. Jedi cannot help what they are. Their compassion... leaves a trail. For example, in our line of work, rumors run rampant. Here’s one I heard just recently: it involves a Jedi, hiding, right here in your lovely saloon. Let’s say ours is a wanderer. Maybe he’s looking for people like him. He comes across this establishment, nice place. Then, he sees... You. A man in need. Perhaps the locals are stealing from you. Threatening you. So what is the Jedi to do? Help you, and risk exposure? Or move on? Now if he were smart he’d keep moving, but the Jedi code is like an itch; he cannot help it! So he steps in and saves your saloon. You offer him a place to hide, fresh water, shade from the suns, but the stories, they begin, and they travel quickly... His compassion has been his undoing.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Obi-Wan is waylaid by another Jedi who has been in hiding in the town]''
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Stay hidden. Live a normal life.
:'''Nari''': What about the people that need us? What about the fight?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': The fight is done. We lost.
:'''Nari''': What happened to you? You were once a great Jedi.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': The time of the Jedi is over. Go back to the town. Let it go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[On Alderaan, Senator Bail Organa deals with his ten-year-old adoptive daughter Leia after an incident at a reception.]''
:'''Bail Organa''': I wanted to live out ''way'' past Kathou when I was your age. Chase purrgil, you know? I had a whole plan.
:'''Leia Organa''': What happened?
:'''Bail''': I got older. Had to find some other adventures. Started chasing your mother instead. This is your future, Leia. In a few years, you'll be off to university, then Junior Senate.
:'''Leia''': The Senate's boring. It's people in itchy clothes arguing.
:'''Bail''': ''[chuckles]'' Well, it may seem so...
:'''Leia''': I don't want to be a senator.
:'''Bail''': Which is why you'll probably be one of the best.
:'''Leia''': ''[glumly]'' I'm not even a real Organa.
:'''Bail''': What...? ''[kneels next to her]'' Don't ever say that. You are our child. You are an Organa in every way. One day, this planet will look to ''you'', Leia. There are many ways to lead. You just have to find yours.

=== ''Part II'' (1.2) ===
:'''The Grand Inquisitor''': ''[to the Third Sister]'' Whatever power you are craving, it will not change what you are: The least of us.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Haja Estree''': I am Haja Estree, Jedi. I help all who are in need. In return, I ask only a few credits. The shadows are my realm, for the light is an unforgiving place for my kind.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Of course. How much?
:'''Haja Estree''': Five hundred to locate the girl, another three hundred to take you to her.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Goodness, that light is unforgiving.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[to Haja Estree]'' You're a bottom-feeder, a rat who preys on weakness. But in my experience, rats know more about the sewers than anyone else.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Third Sister hunts for Obi-Wan at the cargo port on Daiyu.]''
:'''Third Sister''': You don't have to worry. You're not going to die... ''today''. I'm just going to take you to him. Lord Vader will be pleased.
:''[Obi-Wan looks horrified, knowing full well who Vader is]''
:'''Third Sister''': You didn't know. He's alive, Obi-Wan. Anakin Skywalker is alive. And he's been looking for ''you'' for a long time.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[On the automated transport to Mapuzo, Obi-Wan struggles with the Third Sister's revelation.]''
:'''Leia Organa''': ''[faintly]'' What is it? Are you okay?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[whispers]'' Anakin.
:''[Within his fortress on Mustafar, Darth Vader - formerly Anakin Skywalker - awakens...]''

=== ''Part III'' (1.3) ===
:''[Third Sister has contacted Darth Vader regarding Obi-Wan's whereabouts]''
:'''Darth Vader''': Where is he?
:'''Third Sister''': ''[via hologram]'' We have probes out. We're tracking all possible exits. He will pay for the Grand Inquisitor's-
:'''Darth Vader''': The Grand Inquisitor means nothing. Kenobi is all that matters now. Is that understood?
:'''Third Sister''': Yes, my Lord.
:'''Darth Vader''': I have been watching you, Third Sister. I know what it is you seek. Prove yourself, and the position of Grand Inquisitor is yours. Fail me, and you will not live to regret it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Obi-Wan is looking at the writings surviving Jedi left in the safehouse and stops at one of them]''
:'''Leia Organa''': What does it say?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': &quot;Only when the eyes are closed can you truly see.&quot;
:'''Leia Organa''': See what?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': The Way.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leia Organa''': How does it work? The Force. What does it feel like?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Have you ever been afraid of the dark? ''[Leia nods]'' How does it feel when you turn on the light?
:'''Leia Organa''': I feel safe.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Yes, it feels like that.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[Obi-Wan is confronted by Vader on Mapuzo]''
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': What have you become?
:'''Darth Vader''': I am what you've made me.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Darth Vader''': The years have made you weak.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Darth Vader''': You should have killed me when you had the chance.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[Darth Vader has Obi-Wan Kenobi in a Force hold, with the ground between them on fire]''
:'''Darth Vader''': Now ''you'' will suffer, Obi-Wan! ''[Vader slams Obi-Wan into the ground and drags him into the fire]'' Your pain has just begun.

=== ''Part IV'' (1.4) ===
:''[A furious Darth Vader arrives at Fortress Inquisitorius on Nur after Obi-Wan rescues Leia, and begins Force-choking the Third Sister, lifting her off the floor.]''
:'''Darth Vader''': You were warned what defeat would bring! I will tolerate your weakness... ''no longer''.
:'''Third Sister''': ''[struggling]'' I... I let them go. ''[Vader relaxes his grip]'' I put a tracker on the ship. Soon the location of the network and Kenobi will be ours.
:''[Vader gently lowers her to the floor.]''
:'''Darth Vader''': It seems I have underestimated you.
:'''Fifth Brother''': But my Lord, the base was almost destroyed!
:'''Third Sister''': Kenobi is all that matters.
:'''Darth Vader''': There can be no mistakes. You're certain the tracker is with ''him''?
:'''Third Sister''': Yes, my Lord. Where he goes, it will follow.

=== ''Part V'' (1.5) ===
:''[Flashback to Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan on Coruscant]''
:'''Anakin Skywalker''': I was beginning to think you weren't coming... Master.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Good. Then maybe I stand more of a chance this time. ''[Anakin ignites his lightsaber]'' Are you ready?
:'''Anakin Skywalker''': Are ''you''?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[ignites his lightsaber]'' Then let's begin.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': You grow too aggressive, Anakin! Be mindful! A Jedi's goal is to defend life, not take it! ''[Anakin charges Obi-Wan, they end up back-to-back]''
:'''Anakin Skywalker''': Mercy doesn't defeat the enemy, Master. ''[resumes his attack]'' Which is why you're gonna ''lose''!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Grand Inquisitor''': Hello, Third Sister.  Revenge does wonders for the will to live, don't you think? Your rage was useful. Now, it is tiresome. We will leave you where we found you: in the gutter, where you belong. Goodbye... ''[removes Grand Inquisitor pin from Reva's uniform]'' &quot;Grand Inquisitor&quot;.

=== ''Part VI'' (1.6) ===
:'''Darth Vader''': Have you come to destroy me, Obi-Wan?
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''':  ''[ignites lightsaber]'' I will do what I must.
:'''Darth Vader''': Then you will die.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Obi-Wan has sliced open Darth Vader's mask, revealing the scarred face of Anakin beneath]''
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Anakin...
:'''Darth Vader''': ''[distorted voice]'' Anakin is gone. I'm what remains.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[tearfully]'' I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Anakin... for all of it.
:'''Darth Vader''': I'm not your failure, Obi-Wan. You... didn't kill... Anakin Skywalker. ''I did''. The same way... I will destroy you!
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': ''[pauses]'' Then my friend is truly dead. Goodbye... Darth.
:'''Darth Vader''': Obi-Wan! ''[collapses]'' OBI-WAN!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Darth Vader''': The probes are tracking every system within range. We will destroy everything in our path until he is found!
:'''Emperor Palpatine''': You seem agitated, my friend.
:'''Darth Vader''': He will not evade me again.
:'''Emperor Palpatine''': I wonder if your thoughts on this are clear, Lord Vader. Perhaps your feelings for your old Master have left you weakened. If your past cannot be overcome...
:'''Darth Vader''': ''[pauses]'' Kenobi means nothing. I serve only you, my Master.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Riding through the Jundland Wastes on his eopie, Obi-Wan encounters a familiar presence in the Force...]''
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': Master Qui-Gon?
:''[The Force ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn turns, an amused look on his face]''
:'''Qui-Gon Jinn''': Well! Took you long enough.
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi''': I was beginning to think you'd never come.
:'''Qui-Gon Jinn''': I was always here, Obi-Wan. You just... were not ready to see. ''[beckons]'' Come on! We've got a ways to go.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Ewan McGregor|Ewan McGregor]] - Obi-Wan &quot;Ben&quot; Kenobi
* [[w:Vivien Lyra Blair|Vivien Lyra Blair]] - Princess Leia Organa
* [[w:Hayden Christensen|Hayden Christensen]] and [[w:James Earl Jones|James Earl Jones]] - Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader
* [[w:Rupert Friend|Rupert Friend]] - The Grand Inquisitor
* [[w:Moses Ingram|Moses Ingram]] - Reva Sevander/The Third Sister 
* [[w:Joel Edgerton|Joel Edgerton]] - Owen Lars
* [[w:Jimmy Smits|Jimmy Smits]] - Senator Bail Organa

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|8466564|Obi-Wan Kenobi}}
* {{official website|https://www.starwars.com/series/obi-wan-kenobi}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Obi-Wan Kenobi}}
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Star Wars]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>User talk:Ilovemydoodle</title>
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      <id>3145984</id>
      <parentid>3145632</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:04:04Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GreenMeansGo</username>
        <id>2108323</id>
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      <comment>/* No thank you. */ new section</comment>
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{{User talk:Ilovemydoodle/Template:Archive}}

= Settings =

{{/cs}}

= Questions =

== Tagging socks ==

[[User_talk:Aphaia#IP_address_ban_and_Mass_deletion_of_articles|This is your sign to stop tagging socks]], it is now disrupting wiki-editing events. If you continue to tag socks disruptively, violating [[:w:WP:DENY]] and tagging innocent users, I will consider blocking you from the User: namespace here on Wikiquote. Thanks. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:53, 3 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{ping|Ferien}} I promise to not only stop tagging socks, but that will I will also stop editing in other's user namespace. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 19:34, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
::Sounds good to me, thanks. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 20:38, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{ping|Ferien}} I will also take a short break from editing. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:02, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|Ferien}} I think I have developed a negative editing pattern, which is why I am taking a break. The negative editing pattern is this:
::::: Originally there was a lot of stuff for me to do on Wikiquote that didn't require other editors, so I started spending a lot of time here, but eventually most of the stuff I wanted to do here started to require waiting for other editors, but I continued to be on Wikiquote just as much, so what would happen is that I would make &quot;filler edits&quot; (edits that don't really contribute anything to anyone, myself included), and when anything interesting would happen, I would way over-do my editing.
::::So will be on Wikiquote less often, so when I am online I can make actually helpful contributions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:31, 3 July 2022 (UTC)

== Umm... ==

You know, saying you're NOT a sockpuppet is like saying you are. [[Special:Contributions/65.184.185.156|65.184.185.156]] 02:34, 4 July 2022 (UTC)

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== No thank you. ==

We are not in the business of pre-emptively registering hypothetical obscene variations on our usernames &quot;just in case.&quot; [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 16:04, 22 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146038</id>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T18:34:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <ip>82.51.58.142</ip>
      </contributor>
      <comment>fuck off Ilovemydoodle</comment>
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      <text bytes="9972" xml:space="preserve">{{Talkheader}}
{{User talk:Ilovemydoodle/Template:Archive}}

= Settings =

{{/cs}}

= Questions =

== Tagging socks ==

[[User_talk:Aphaia#IP_address_ban_and_Mass_deletion_of_articles|This is your sign to stop tagging socks]], it is now disrupting wiki-editing events. If you continue to tag socks disruptively, violating [[:w:WP:DENY]] and tagging innocent users, I will consider blocking you from the User: namespace here on Wikiquote. Thanks. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:53, 3 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{ping|Ferien}} I promise to not only stop tagging socks, but that will I will also stop editing in other's user namespace. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 19:34, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
::Sounds good to me, thanks. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 20:38, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{ping|Ferien}} I will also take a short break from editing. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:02, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|Ferien}} I think I have developed a negative editing pattern, which is why I am taking a break. The negative editing pattern is this:
::::: Originally there was a lot of stuff for me to do on Wikiquote that didn't require other editors, so I started spending a lot of time here, but eventually most of the stuff I wanted to do here started to require waiting for other editors, but I continued to be on Wikiquote just as much, so what would happen is that I would make &quot;filler edits&quot; (edits that don't really contribute anything to anyone, myself included), and when anything interesting would happen, I would way over-do my editing.
::::So will be on Wikiquote less often, so when I am online I can make actually helpful contributions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:31, 3 July 2022 (UTC)

== Umm... ==

You know, saying you're NOT a sockpuppet is like saying you are. [[Special:Contributions/65.184.185.156|65.184.185.156]] 02:34, 4 July 2022 (UTC)

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== No thank you. ==

We are not in the business of pre-emptively registering hypothetical obscene variations on our usernames &quot;just in case.&quot; [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 16:04, 22 July 2022 (UTC)

fuck off Ilovemydoodle</text>
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      <id>3146039</id>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T18:34:18Z</timestamp>
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        <ip>82.51.58.142</ip>
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      <comment>Undo revision 3146038 by [[Special:Contributions/82.51.58.142|82.51.58.142]] ([[User talk:82.51.58.142|talk]])</comment>
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{{User talk:Ilovemydoodle/Template:Archive}}

= Settings =

{{/cs}}

= Questions =

== Tagging socks ==

[[User_talk:Aphaia#IP_address_ban_and_Mass_deletion_of_articles|This is your sign to stop tagging socks]], it is now disrupting wiki-editing events. If you continue to tag socks disruptively, violating [[:w:WP:DENY]] and tagging innocent users, I will consider blocking you from the User: namespace here on Wikiquote. Thanks. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 16:53, 3 July 2022 (UTC)

:{{ping|Ferien}} I promise to not only stop tagging socks, but that will I will also stop editing in other's user namespace. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 19:34, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
::Sounds good to me, thanks. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 20:38, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
:::{{ping|Ferien}} I will also take a short break from editing. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 21:02, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
::::{{ping|Ferien}} I think I have developed a negative editing pattern, which is why I am taking a break. The negative editing pattern is this:
::::: Originally there was a lot of stuff for me to do on Wikiquote that didn't require other editors, so I started spending a lot of time here, but eventually most of the stuff I wanted to do here started to require waiting for other editors, but I continued to be on Wikiquote just as much, so what would happen is that I would make &quot;filler edits&quot; (edits that don't really contribute anything to anyone, myself included), and when anything interesting would happen, I would way over-do my editing.
::::So will be on Wikiquote less often, so when I am online I can make actually helpful contributions. – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 22:31, 3 July 2022 (UTC)

== Umm... ==

You know, saying you're NOT a sockpuppet is like saying you are. [[Special:Contributions/65.184.185.156|65.184.185.156]] 02:34, 4 July 2022 (UTC)

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== No thank you. ==

We are not in the business of pre-emptively registering hypothetical obscene variations on our usernames &quot;just in case.&quot; [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 16:04, 22 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>6ezdyeuudox8xfifddculebn387yl2r</sha1>
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  <page>
    <title>Gaamangwe Joy Mogami</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <contributor>
        <username>WathutoP</username>
        <id>3126261</id>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
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      <text bytes="2765" xml:space="preserve">Gaamangwe is a Motswana Poet, Playwright and Screenwriter with a BA Psychology from University of Botswana.

== Quotes ==
&quot;You are the one who is courageous enough to answer the clarion call of Source Creator God &quot;.

http://joymogami.com Accessed July 22, 2022


&quot;But I just think that my soul was always meant to go find books&quot;.

[https://opencountrymag.com/at-africa-in-dialogue-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-lures-out-storytelling-truths/ Gaamangwe Joy Mogami lures out storytelling truths] April 13, 2022


The external world, is a reflection of the inner world.

[https://www.africanwriter.com/interview-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-founder-africaindialogue-com/ Interview with Gaamangwe Joy Mogami, Founder of Africaindialogue-com/] March 4, 2017


&quot;Serendipitously, both my academic and professional experiences have always been related to asking people questions&quot;.

[https://www.africanwriter.com/interview-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-founder-africaindialogue-com/ Interview with Gaamangwe Joy Mogami, Founder of Africaindialogue.com] March 4, 2017


&quot;You are her, and when you are her, your skin is blind and the buried humans inside you wake&quot;, illuminating the days of harvest&quot;.

[https://brittlepaper.com/2017/02/god-dream-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-poem/ Which God Did You Dream Of? | Gaamangwe Joy Mogami | Poetry] February 22, 2017


&quot;The day is ripe again, and our fingertips are filled with so many infinite possibilities. Imagine all the dozen ways we get 'to be' today! Oh magic!&quot;.

[https://glimug.com/power-quote-19/ Power Quote] May 27, 2019


&quot;Growing up I have always been interested in the stories and the people who create them. I believed and saw the value in contributions that storytellers added to our own understanding of our history, realities and humanity&quot;.

[https://www.sundaystandard.info/window-for-inspirational-african-writers-open/ Window for inspirational African Writers Open] July 18, 2017


&quot;Storytellers help us reflect on the times as they are, and helps us introspect and meditate on our pasts as well as possibly map a better future&quot;.

[https://www.sundaystandard.info/window-for-inspirational-african-writers-open/ Window for inspirational African Writers Open] July 18, 2017


&quot;We want narratives that will explore the African Human experience. Some of the themes are human and gender rights, human development, mental health, sexuality, politics, war, migration, as well as Black love, black joy and the pursuit of happiness&quot;.

[https://www.sundaystandard.info/window-for-inspirational-african-writers-open/ Window for inspirational African Writers Open] July 18, 2017


&quot;I am the kind of person who gets moved in the moment, and then moved some more by something else&quot;.

[https://marketfiftyfour.com/pages/bookish Bookish: Joy Gaamangwe Mogami]</text>
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Gaamangwe is a Motswana Poet, Playwright and Screenwriter with a BA Psychology from University of Botswana.

== Quotes ==
&quot;You are the one who is courageous enough to answer the clarion call of Source Creator God &quot;.

http://joymogami.com Accessed July 22, 2022


&quot;But I just think that my soul was always meant to go find books&quot;.

[https://opencountrymag.com/at-africa-in-dialogue-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-lures-out-storytelling-truths/ Gaamangwe Joy Mogami lures out storytelling truths] April 13, 2022


The external world, is a reflection of the inner world.

[https://www.africanwriter.com/interview-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-founder-africaindialogue-com/ Interview with Gaamangwe Joy Mogami, Founder of Africaindialogue-com/] March 4, 2017


&quot;Serendipitously, both my academic and professional experiences have always been related to asking people questions&quot;.

[https://www.africanwriter.com/interview-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-founder-africaindialogue-com/ Interview with Gaamangwe Joy Mogami, Founder of Africaindialogue.com] March 4, 2017


&quot;You are her, and when you are her, your skin is blind and the buried humans inside you wake&quot;, illuminating the days of harvest&quot;.

[https://brittlepaper.com/2017/02/god-dream-gaamangwe-joy-mogami-poem/ Which God Did You Dream Of? | Gaamangwe Joy Mogami | Poetry] February 22, 2017


&quot;The day is ripe again, and our fingertips are filled with so many infinite possibilities. Imagine all the dozen ways we get 'to be' today! Oh magic!&quot;.

[https://glimug.com/power-quote-19/ Power Quote] May 27, 2019


&quot;Growing up I have always been interested in the stories and the people who create them. I believed and saw the value in contributions that storytellers added to our own understanding of our history, realities and humanity&quot;.

[https://www.sundaystandard.info/window-for-inspirational-african-writers-open/ Window for inspirational African Writers Open] July 18, 2017


&quot;Storytellers help us reflect on the times as they are, and helps us introspect and meditate on our pasts as well as possibly map a better future&quot;.

[https://www.sundaystandard.info/window-for-inspirational-african-writers-open/ Window for inspirational African Writers Open] July 18, 2017


&quot;We want narratives that will explore the African Human experience. Some of the themes are human and gender rights, human development, mental health, sexuality, politics, war, migration, as well as Black love, black joy and the pursuit of happiness&quot;.

[https://www.sundaystandard.info/window-for-inspirational-african-writers-open/ Window for inspirational African Writers Open] July 18, 2017


&quot;I am the kind of person who gets moved in the moment, and then moved some more by something else&quot;.

[https://marketfiftyfour.com/pages/bookish Bookish: Joy Gaamangwe Mogami]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Lauri Kubuetsile</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>WathutoP</username>
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      <comment>#botswana #women</comment>
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      <text bytes="4065" xml:space="preserve">'''Lauri Kubuetsile''' is a Motswana award-winning author with numerous literary works. She was born in Baltimore, Maryland in the USA but moved to Botswana in 1989 where she met her husband. She is now a Motswana. She has written fiction for children and adults.

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
&quot;I like creating new characters and getting caught up in their lives and their world&quot;.

[https://live.fundza.mobi/writer-profiles/profiled-published/lauri-kubuitsile/ Writer Profile of Lauri Kubuitsile/]


&quot;To be honest, I write stories. I just write stories. I do ocassionally think a bit about the audience, but mostly I write stories and they tend to find the audience that will engage with them. In the end I think I mostly write for me, really&quot;.

[https://kidstravelbooks.com/an-interview-with-lauri-kubuitsile/ Interview with Lauri Kubuitsile] January 19


&quot;In Botswana, we don't really have trade publishers, all our publishers are educational publishers&quot;

[https://geosireads.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/an-interview-with-the-botswana-writer-lauri-kubuitsile/ An Interview with Botswana Writer, Lauri Kubuetsile] Accessed July 22, 2022


&quot;It really depends on what I am writing. For short stories, I need to think about them for a long while. They must ferment in my mind for sometime until they have enough &quot;fiction pressure&quot;. When they do I ought to be able to write an entire rough draft in one day. If I can't, the fiction pressure was not enough and the story ends up being a big fight&quot;.

[https://wordmothers.com/2015/01/14/interview-with-author-lauri-kubuitsile/ Interview With Author Lauri Kubuitsile] January 14, 2015


&quot;I, the General of the German soldiers, send this letter to the Hereros....Any Herero found inside a German frontier, with or without a gun or cattle, will be executed. I shall spare neither women nor children. I shall give the order to drive them away and fire on them. Such are my words to the Herero people&quot;.

[https://www.penguinrandomhouse.co.za/book/scattering/9781485903444 The Scattering by Kubuetsile, Lauri] Accessed July 22, 2022


&quot;I can't say books inspired me to travel, books inspired me to live other lives. They let me see the million possibilities. the million ways to live an interesting, engaged life, from there, I went looking for one&quot;.

[https://kidstravelbooks.com/an-interview-with-lauri-kubuitsile/ Interview with Lauri Kubuitsile] January 19


&quot;The book is a sort of legal thriller/romance because I don't stick to my lane (in terms of genre: which is quite wise and has worked quite well for me&quot;

[https://www.thegazette.news/lifestyle/lauri-kubuitsile-makes-profound-revelations/ Lauri Kubuitsile Makes Profound Revelations] May 18, 2020


&quot;When I set out to write this book, I thought about how horrible tragedies like war are often given to us in numbers. The mortality rate in concentration camps was between 45-75%, with 12-18 people dying everyday. You feel war and tragedy in your heart when it is brought down to the individual life. That's what I wanted. I wanted to create a novel that made war real through individual stories&quot;

[https://www.waveland.com/browse.php?t=718 The Scattering Lauri Kubuetsile] Accessed July 22, 2022


&quot;I think all of us can accept that the publishing industry in our country is weak, and at the moment, with few to no school books being bought-it's nearly dead. We lack any vibrant book buying public&quot;.

[https://www.mmegi.bw/its-all-i-write/sebilo-book-services-a-new-piece-in-the-publishing-puzzle/news Sebilo Book Services: A new piece in the publishing puzzle] May 18, 2018


&quot;Prizes tell you that you are doing something right, that you are not an incompetent poser&quot;

[https://www.sundaystandard.info/lauri-kubuitsile-scribbling-her-way-to-the-top/ Lauri Kubuitsile, scribbling her way to the top] November 18, 2010

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kubuetsilke, Lauri}}

[[Category:Young adult authors]]
[[Category:Children's authors]]
[[Category:Short story writers]]
[[Category:People from Botswana]]
[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:Women authors]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Art &amp; Feminism BW 2022/RedList</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>249214</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146236</id>
      <parentid>3140304</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T10:33:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Leungo Mokgwathi</username>
        <id>3106495</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Suggestions for Botswana */</comment>
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      <text bytes="1602" xml:space="preserve">
== Articles about women that may be deleted==
&lt;small&gt;Please help [[:Category:Deletion requests|update]] the list here&lt;/small&gt;

===Deleted Redlist Articles===

==Red lists ==

===Suggestions for [[Botswana]]===
{{col-begin}}
 {{col-2}}
* [[Ntebogang Ratshosa]]
* [[Tumie Ramsden]]
* [[Mmasekgoa Masire-Mwamba]]
* [[Makabelo Mosothoane]]
* [[Shirley Itumeleng Tiny Segokgo]]
* [[Rose Seretse]]  
* [[Kebatshabile Disele]]
* [[Gagoangwe]]
* [[Mable Pinnie Koma]]
* [[Marty Legwaila]]
* [[Naseem lahri]]
* [[Boemo Dibeela Nyadza]]
* [[Basuti Gerty Bolo]]
* [[Jazelle Oratile Kebakile]]
* [[Boineelo HARDY|Boineelo Hardy]]
* [[Theo Khumo]]
* [[Khumo Kgwaadira]]
* [[Mpho Sebina]]
* [[Dr. Malebogo Bakwena]]
* [[Ambrociah Samboko]]
* [[Kgomotso Phatsima]]
* [[Melanie Hawken]]
* [[Tuduetso Masire]]
* [[Orefitlhetse Masire]]
* [[Nicole Gaelebale]]
* [[Onê Rapelana]]
* [[Sanji Mmasenono Monageng]]
* [[Matshidiso Moeti]]
* [[Opha Pauline Dube]]
* [[Gofaone Mabutho]]
* [[Dr. Shanaz El-Halabi.]]
* [[Samantha Mogwe]]
* [[Matlhogonolo Mponang]]
* [[Precious Gondwe]]
* [[Mmasekgoa Masire-Mwamba]]
{{col-2}}
* [[Zenzele Hirschfeld]]
* [[Rapelang Rabana]]
* [[Tuduetso Masire]]
* [[Lesedi Mashumba]]
* [[Lillian Nkosazana Moremi]]
* [[Kelly Champane]]
* [[Tebogo Lebotse Sebego]]
* [[Makabelo Mosothoane]]
* [[Keotshepile Motseonageng (Berry Heart)]]
* [[Agatha Atlholang]]
* [[Game Mothibi]]
* [[Orefitlhetse Masire]]
* [[Opha Pauline Dube]]
* [[MPHO KUAHO]]
* [[Mmaserame Hannah David]]
* [[Lauri Kubuetsile]]
* [[Mmakgosi Anita Tau]]
* [[Nametso Dorothy Phonchi-Tshekiso]]
* [[Matshidiso Moeti]]
{{col-end}}</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Regular Show &quot;Adult Party Cartoon&quot;</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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'''''{{w|Regular Show ''Adult Party Cartoon''}}''''' is an upcoming American adult animated television series created by American animator J.G. Quintel for the cable network [[w:Cartoon Network|Adult Swim]]. It was developed as an &quot;extreme&quot; revamp of and [[parody]] of ''[[Regular Show]]'', which had previously aired on the American children's cable network Cartoon Network, and is noted for being significantly more vulgar and inappropriate than the original series, This is an adults-only spin-off, similar to [[Ren &amp; Stimpy &quot;Adult Party Cartoon&quot;]].

==Episodes==
===Onward and Upward with Mordecai and Rigby===
:'''Mordecai''': What did I just tell you?! Who's the pitcher, who's the catcher?!
:'''Rigby''': You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! See?  ''[points to a chalkboard indicating said terms]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mordecai''': What do you think is the difference between boogers and goobers Stimpinton?

===Mordecai Seeks Help===
:''[Mordecai is getting psychiatric help to find out why he treats Rigby so bad]''
:'''Mordecai''': Well Benson, I certainly feel better now that I've got that off of my chest. So what do you think is wrong with me?
:'''Benson''': You want to know what's wrong with you. ''[Mordecai nods]'' Do you really want to know what's writing with you? I'll tell you what's wrong with you. ''[punches Mordecai in the face]'' YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY! ''THAT'S'' WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!
:'''Mordecai''': Crazy?!
:'''Benson''': That's right! You need to be locked up, away from decent, normal people! What kind of a lunatic are you!? You just walk up to strangers on the street me tell them ''Hey mister, you wanna hear some sick stories of my twisted youth?''?!
:'''Mordecai''': I don't understand! I came to you for help! I bared my soul to you! I told you all my darkest secrets! And now you tell me I'm crazy?! WHAT KIND OF A PSYCHOLOGIST ARE YOU?!
:'''Benson''': Psychologist?! Are you nuts?! I'm Benson Dunwoody! You crazy son of a bitch! I'm gonna beat the living hell out of you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mordecai''': I'm a terrible person, Benson. I'm mean to everybody and I'm especially mean to those who love me the most. I've got issues! But I'm not crazy or anything!
:'''Benson''': Of course not, Mr. Mordecai. Let's just calm down. It's perfectly normal to be nervous talking to a professional. Now relax and we'll see just how sick you really are, shall we?
:'''Mordecai''': Okay.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mordecai's Dad''': Son, did you mangle this poor frog?
:'''Mordecai''': No.
:'''Mordecai's Dad''': Look at me when I'm talking to you!

===Mordecai and the Rigbys 2===
''[Rigby enters The Coffee Shop and is carrying a big box]''

:'''Rigby''': Dude! What the Fuck your doing? Check it out you son of a bitch!, man They're here! 

:'''Mordecai''': What's here?

:'''Rigby''': Our fake band t-Shirts Are You Nuts?! You crazy son of a bitch! What the hell you been doing that we ordered from the site last night, you said the word ''retarded''

:'''Mordecai''': Look I have a black eye.

:'''Rigby''': Holy Shit! Do you have a black eye? Call an ambulance now!, Hello Ambulance Mordecai have a black eye oh no that's awful shit!

===Regular Show Naked Beach Frenzy===
[Episode starts with a nude beach with Mordecai and Rigby and the girl]

:'''Mordecai''': Dude what the hell are we at?

:'''Rigby''': We’re at the nude beach, we look naked.

:'''Mordecai''': Fuck you rigby! I'm gonna kill you with my gun you bastard!

:'''Rigby''': No! 

:'''Mordecai''' Let's play with the sand Rigby.

:'''Rigby''': Yes that might be good idea.

:'''Eileen''': Hi you guys what are you doing?

:'''Mordecai''': We’re playing sand together.

:'''Muscle Man''': Hello you guys what the hell your doing? Get the piece of shit out of here! You son of a bitch! Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck is the word ''retarded''

:'''Benson''': What are you guts doing?! In here?! Your playing sand?

:'''Pops''': I want to play sand.

:'''Skips''': I have my penis.

:'''Hi Five Ghost''': (laughing), I see you guys!

==See also==
* [[Regular Show]] 

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|400418}}

[[Category:American TV shows]]
[[Category:Adult Swim shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:American adult animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally adult animated TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows about birds]]
[[Category:American adult animated science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:Regular Show]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Graca Machel</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <id>3146238</id>
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      <text bytes="1079" xml:space="preserve">Graca Machel born 17 October 1945 is a Mozambican humanitarian and politician. She has served as a first lady for two countries namely Mozambique and South Africa. She was the wife to the late former Presidents Samora Machel from the years (1975- 1986)  and Nelson Mandela (1998- 2013). She is an international advocate for children and women's rights.

== Quotes ==

* ' Tradition has developed into practices which overtime have become beliefs which in essence they put women in a position of inferiority'.
* 'Tradition has developed a hierarchy in relationship between men and women that leads to discrimination'
* &quot;The role tradition has played in the relationship in the family between men and women has been detrimental to women'
* [https://youtube/Oo10msD0UuY Graca Machel: Traditional practices put women in positions of inferiority] (26 June 2009) by The Elders retrieved 21 July 2022

== External References ==

* [https://youtube/Oo10msD0UuY Graca Machel: Traditional practices put women in positions of inferiority] (26 June 2009) by The Elders retrieved 21 July 2022</text>
      <sha1>1mt26f1ab9md6eku975pn7muda1kcs6</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3146239</id>
      <parentid>3146238</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T10:45:33Z</timestamp>
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        <id>3126920</id>
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      <text bytes="1267" xml:space="preserve">Graca Machel born 17 October 1945 is a Mozambican humanitarian and politician. She has served as a first lady for two countries namely Mozambique and South Africa. She was the wife to the late former Presidents Samora Machel from the years (1975- 1986)  and Nelson Mandela (1998- 2013). She is an international advocate for children and women's rights.
[[File:Graca Machel, World Economic Forum on Africa 2010.jpg|thumb]]

== Quotes ==

* ' Tradition has developed into practices which overtime have become beliefs which in essence they put women in a position of inferiority'.
* 'Tradition has developed a hierarchy in relationship between men and women that leads to discrimination'
* &quot;The role tradition has played in the relationship in the family between men and women has been detrimental to women'
* [https://youtube/Oo10msD0UuY Graca Machel: Traditional practices put women in positions of inferiority] (26 June 2009) by The Elders retrieved 21 July 2022

== External References ==

* [https://youtube/Oo10msD0UuY Graca Machel: Traditional practices put women in positions of inferiority] (26 June 2009) by The Elders retrieved 21 July 2022


[[Category:Women's rights activists]]
[[Category:1945 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:African women]]</text>
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  <page>
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        <id>1947194</id>
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      <text bytes="1809" xml:space="preserve">{{#ifeq:{{NAMESPACE}}|Wikiquote| |{{error:not substituted|vfd-new2}}&lt;div style=&quot;display:none;&quot;&gt;}}
== [[:Template:T]] ==

This lacks sufficient complexity to merit a template and is redundant to another template.

All this template does is make Wikilinks. The entire content of this template is &lt;code&gt;&lt;nowiki&gt;[[Template:{{{1}}}|{{{1}}}]]&lt;/nowiki&gt;&lt;/code&gt; You feed it the parameter &quot;foo&quot; and it makes a Wikilink to &quot;template:foo&quot;. There is absolutely no reason why completely bog standard links with no special formatting or function should be produced by a template - if you want to make a Wikilink just use the standard Wikilink mark-up. As it stands all this template does is reimplement trivial wiki mark-up in a way that will break things, e.g. the visual editor cannot edit links produced by this template as standard links.

Finally this is redundant to another template. The template {{tl|tl}} has been around for years, has the exact same function of making links to templates, but actually includes some format to pretty up the result. This should either be deleted or turned into a redirect to the {{tl|tl}} template. — [[Special:Contributions/192.76.8.85|192.76.8.85]] 18:10, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

:Fixed, it now redirects to {{Tl|Tl}} – [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] (Not a sockpuppet) ([[User_talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]] / [[Special:EmailUser/User:Ilovemydoodle|e-mail]]) 02:31, 22 July 2022 (UTC)

&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 19:00, 28 July 2022 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;
* '''Delete''', per nom (and agree with the appearance of redundancy). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 23:40, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
*'''Delete''' per nom. [[User:Rubbish computer|''Rubbish computer'']] (''Ping me or leave a message on my'' [[User talk:Rubbish computer|''talk page'']]) 14:18, 22 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Yandile Nuku</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;Yandile Nuku is a young Motswana business woman who has an educational background of Accounting and Finance, with specialization in strategic performance management. She is passionate about innovation, youth entrepreneurship, and youth engagement in governance, business strategies and leadership. She has worked for various organizations which are committed to ensuring economic prosperity. she is also a serial entrepreneur who has founded and co-founded innovation centers...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="3948" xml:space="preserve">Yandile Nuku is a young Motswana business woman who has an educational background of Accounting and Finance, with specialization in strategic performance management. She is passionate about innovation, youth entrepreneurship, and youth engagement in governance, business strategies and leadership. She has worked for various organizations which are committed to ensuring economic prosperity. she is also a serial entrepreneur who has founded and co-founded innovation centers that support growth and innovation of small enterprises . Since 2021, she has been a New narratives Youth Advisory Board member of the [[wikipedia:British_Council|British Council]]; which is a program that intends to promote engagement between young African and British people across various sectors. She also currently sits on the Botswana National Youth Council as a board member. As a means of continuing to promote enterprise growth, Yandile also holds managerial positions in the companies she engages with. She also currently produces and hosts an hour long youth entrepreneurship radio show on one of the local radio stations. Throughout her career, she has gained experience in Broadcasting, Financial Services, Innovation Support and Talent development. Her specialty is in moderating prominent business, trade &amp; investment events such as the two (2) panel discussions on Botswana's business ecosystem and the pursuit of food security globally at the [[wikipedia:Forbes_30_Under_30|2022 Forbes 30 under 30]] summit Africa.

== Quotes ==

* &quot;African Youth have unprecedented opportunities. The first opportunity is that Africa is establishing its identity and consolidating its socio-economic power through the inter-continental Africa trade agreement which will see Africa becoming the largest trade market in the world. The question is will Botswana graduates be able to leverage on this opportunity with their set of skills, interests, talents and efforts complimented by their knowledge? Mentorship is key in this regard”
** [https://guardiansun.co.bw/News/batswana-youth-leveraging-on-africa-s-demographic-dividend Batswana youth leveraging on Africa’s demographic dividend] (October 2019) Retrieved 21/07/2022
* “As a young person if you want to be heard. The best way is to speak through your work. Nothing beats impact and proven value.&quot;
** [https://thecommonwealth.org/news/youth-kick-commonwealth-action-series-call-inclusion-and-equality Youth kick-off Commonwealth Action Series with call for inclusion and equality] (July 2020) Retrieved 22/07/2022)
* &quot;I am a firm believer that you don't just wake up and become accomplished in whatever career path you take, the personal development aspect is very important, the spiritual aspect is very important&quot;
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVXHRhxcqqw Nuggets Of Wisdom From Duma FM Interview With Yandile Nuku(EP 28)] (December 2019) Retrieved 22/07/2022
* &quot;Unemployment is also caused by industry not innovating at a quicker rate to match the rate at which the education system is churning out graduates&quot;
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DFuylGfVNE Cheshe Dow Duma FM Radio Interview] (March 2021) Retrieved 22/07/2022

== External References ==

* [https://guardiansun.co.bw/News/batswana-youth-leveraging-on-africa-s-demographic-dividend Batswana youth leveraging on Africa’s demographic dividend] (October 2019)
* [https://thecommonwealth.org/news/youth-kick-commonwealth-action-series-call-inclusion-and-equality Youth kick-off Commonwealth Action Series with call for inclusion and equality] (July 2020) 
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVXHRhxcqqw Nuggets Of Wisdom From Duma FM Interview With Yandile Nuku(EP 28)] (December 2019)
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DFuylGfVNE Cheshe Dow Duma FM Radio Interview] (March 2021)

[[Category:Women]]
[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Youth]]
[[Category:People from Botswana]]
[[Category:Businesspeople]]</text>
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        <username>GreenMeansGo</username>
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      <comment>{{Subst:PROD|Apparent advertorial. ~~~~}}</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="4461" xml:space="preserve">----{{dated prod|concern = Apparent advertorial. [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 16:00, 22 July 2022 (UTC)|month = July|day = 22|year = 2022|time = 16:00|timestamp = 20220722160035}}
&lt;!-- Do not use the &quot;dated prod&quot; template directly; the above line is generated by &quot;subst:prod|reason&quot; --&gt;
Yandile Nuku is a young Motswana business woman who has an educational background of Accounting and Finance, with specialization in strategic performance management. She is passionate about innovation, youth entrepreneurship, and youth engagement in governance, business strategies and leadership. She has worked for various organizations which are committed to ensuring economic prosperity. she is also a serial entrepreneur who has founded and co-founded innovation centers that support growth and innovation of small enterprises . Since 2021, she has been a New narratives Youth Advisory Board member of the [[wikipedia:British_Council|British Council]]; which is a program that intends to promote engagement between young African and British people across various sectors. She also currently sits on the Botswana National Youth Council as a board member. As a means of continuing to promote enterprise growth, Yandile also holds managerial positions in the companies she engages with. She also currently produces and hosts an hour long youth entrepreneurship radio show on one of the local radio stations. Throughout her career, she has gained experience in Broadcasting, Financial Services, Innovation Support and Talent development. Her specialty is in moderating prominent business, trade &amp; investment events such as the two (2) panel discussions on Botswana's business ecosystem and the pursuit of food security globally at the [[wikipedia:Forbes_30_Under_30|2022 Forbes 30 under 30]] summit Africa.

== Quotes ==

* &quot;African Youth have unprecedented opportunities. The first opportunity is that Africa is establishing its identity and consolidating its socio-economic power through the inter-continental Africa trade agreement which will see Africa becoming the largest trade market in the world. The question is will Botswana graduates be able to leverage on this opportunity with their set of skills, interests, talents and efforts complimented by their knowledge? Mentorship is key in this regard”
** [https://guardiansun.co.bw/News/batswana-youth-leveraging-on-africa-s-demographic-dividend Batswana youth leveraging on Africa’s demographic dividend] (October 2019) Retrieved 21/07/2022
* “As a young person if you want to be heard. The best way is to speak through your work. Nothing beats impact and proven value.&quot;
** [https://thecommonwealth.org/news/youth-kick-commonwealth-action-series-call-inclusion-and-equality Youth kick-off Commonwealth Action Series with call for inclusion and equality] (July 2020) Retrieved 22/07/2022)
* &quot;I am a firm believer that you don't just wake up and become accomplished in whatever career path you take, the personal development aspect is very important, the spiritual aspect is very important&quot;
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVXHRhxcqqw Nuggets Of Wisdom From Duma FM Interview With Yandile Nuku(EP 28)] (December 2019) Retrieved 22/07/2022
* &quot;Unemployment is also caused by industry not innovating at a quicker rate to match the rate at which the education system is churning out graduates&quot;
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DFuylGfVNE Cheshe Dow Duma FM Radio Interview] (March 2021) Retrieved 22/07/2022

== External References ==

* [https://guardiansun.co.bw/News/batswana-youth-leveraging-on-africa-s-demographic-dividend Batswana youth leveraging on Africa’s demographic dividend] (October 2019)
* [https://thecommonwealth.org/news/youth-kick-commonwealth-action-series-call-inclusion-and-equality Youth kick-off Commonwealth Action Series with call for inclusion and equality] (July 2020) 
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVXHRhxcqqw Nuggets Of Wisdom From Duma FM Interview With Yandile Nuku(EP 28)] (December 2019)
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DFuylGfVNE Cheshe Dow Duma FM Radio Interview] (March 2021)

[[Category:Women]]
[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Youth]]
[[Category:People from Botswana]]
[[Category:Businesspeople]]</text>
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    <title>Charlotta Bass</title>
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      <text bytes="3977" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Charlotta Bass|Charlotta Amanda Spears Bass]]''' (February 14, 1874 – April 12, 1969) was an American educator, newspaper publisher-editor, and civil rights activist. In 1952, Bass became the first African-American woman nominated for Vice President, as a candidate of the Progressive Party. 

== Quotes ==  

=== Speech at Progressive Party Convention (1952)===
* Included in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner (1972)

* For the first time in the history of this nation a political party has chosen a Negro woman for the second highest office in the land. It is a great honor to be chosen as a pioneer, and a great responsibility.

* I am a Negro woman. My people came before the Mayflower.

* I am more concerned with what is happening to my people in my country than war. We have lived through two wars and seen their promises turn to bitter ashes.

* For forty years I have been a working editor and publisher of the oldest Negro newspaper in the West. During those forty years I stood on a watch tower watching the tide of racial hatred and bigotry rising against my people and against all people who believe the Constitution is something more than a piece of yellowed paper to be shut off in a glass cage in the archives. I have stood watch over a home to protect a Negro family against the outrages of the Ku Klux Klan. And I have fought the brazen attempts to drive Negroes from their home under restrictive covenants. I have challenged the great corporations which extort huge profits from my people, and forced them to employ Negroes in their plants. I have stormed city councils and state legislatures and the halls of Congress demanding real representation for my people.

* could I retire when I saw that slavery had been abolished but not destroyed; that democracy had been won in World War I, but not for my people; that fascism had been wiped out in World War II, only to take roots in my own country where it blossomed and bloomed and sent forth its fruits to poison the land my people had fought to preserve!... Where were the leaders of my nation-yes, my nation, for God knows my whole ambition is to see and make my nation the best in the world-where were these great leaders when these things happened?

* To retire meant to leave this world to these people who carried oppression to Africa, to Asia, who made profits from oppression in my own land. To retire meant to leave the field to evil.

* This is what we fight against. We fight to live. We want the $65 billion that goes for death to go to build a new life. Those billions could lift the wages of my people, give them jobs, give education and training and new hope to our youth, free our sharecroppers, build new hospitals and medical centers. The $8 billion being spent to rearm Europe and crush Asia could rehouse all my people living in the ghettos of Chicago and New York and every large city in the nation.

* We fight that all people shall live. We fight to send our money to end colonialism for the colored peoples of the world, not to perpetuate it in Malan's South Africa, Churchill's Malaya, French Indo-China and the Middle East.

* Can you conceive of the party of Taft and Eisenhower and MacArthur and McArthy and the big corporations calling a Negro woman to lead the good fight in 1952? Can you see the party of Truman, of Russell of Georgia, of Rankin of Mississippi, of Byrnes of South Carolina, of Acheson, naming a Negro woman to lead the fight against enslavement?

* I am proud that I am the choice of the leaders of my own people and leaders of all those who understand how deeply the fight for peace is one and indivisible with the fight for Negro equality.

* [[Frederick Douglass]] would rejoice, for he fought not only slavery but the oppression of women.

* I give you as my slogan in this campaign-&quot;Let my people go.&quot;

== Quotes about Charlotta Bass ==

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Bass, Charlotta)}}</text>
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      <text bytes="3977" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Charlotta Bass|Charlotta Amanda Spears Bass]]''' (February 14, 1874 – April 12, 1969) was an American educator, newspaper publisher-editor, and civil rights activist. In 1952, Bass became the first African-American woman nominated for Vice President, as a candidate of the Progressive Party. 

== Quotes ==  

=== Speech at Progressive Party Convention (1952)===
* Included in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner (1972)

* For the first time in the history of this nation a political party has chosen a Negro woman for the second highest office in the land. It is a great honor to be chosen as a pioneer, and a great responsibility.

* I am a Negro woman. My people came before the Mayflower.

* I am more concerned with what is happening to my people in my country than war. We have lived through two wars and seen their promises turn to bitter ashes.

* For forty years I have been a working editor and publisher of the oldest Negro newspaper in the West. During those forty years I stood on a watch tower watching the tide of racial hatred and bigotry rising against my people and against all people who believe the Constitution is something more than a piece of yellowed paper to be shut off in a glass cage in the archives. I have stood watch over a home to protect a Negro family against the outrages of the Ku Klux Klan. And I have fought the brazen attempts to drive Negroes from their home under restrictive covenants. I have challenged the great corporations which extort huge profits from my people, and forced them to employ Negroes in their plants. I have stormed city councils and state legislatures and the halls of Congress demanding real representation for my people.

* could I retire when I saw that slavery had been abolished but not destroyed; that democracy had been won in World War I, but not for my people; that fascism had been wiped out in World War II, only to take roots in my own country where it blossomed and bloomed and sent forth its fruits to poison the land my people had fought to preserve!... Where were the leaders of my nation-yes, my nation, for God knows my whole ambition is to see and make my nation the best in the world-where were these great leaders when these things happened?

* To retire meant to leave this world to these people who carried oppression to Africa, to Asia, who made profits from oppression in my own land. To retire meant to leave the field to evil.

* This is what we fight against. We fight to live. We want the $65 billion that goes for death to go to build a new life. Those billions could lift the wages of my people, give them jobs, give education and training and new hope to our youth, free our sharecroppers, build new hospitals and medical centers. The $8 billion being spent to rearm Europe and crush Asia could rehouse all my people living in the ghettos of Chicago and New York and every large city in the nation.

* We fight that all people shall live. We fight to send our money to end colonialism for the colored peoples of the world, not to perpetuate it in Malan's South Africa, Churchill's Malaya, French Indo-China and the Middle East.

* Can you conceive of the party of Taft and Eisenhower and MacArthur and McArthy and the big corporations calling a Negro woman to lead the good fight in 1952? Can you see the party of Truman, of Russell of Georgia, of Rankin of Mississippi, of Byrnes of South Carolina, of Acheson, naming a Negro woman to lead the fight against enslavement?

* I am proud that I am the choice of the leaders of my own people and leaders of all those who understand how deeply the fight for peace is one and indivisible with the fight for Negro equality.

* [[Frederick Douglass]] would rejoice, for he fought not only slavery but the oppression of women.

* I give you as my slogan in this campaign-&quot;Let my people go.&quot;

== Quotes about Charlotta Bass ==

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Bass, Charlotta)}}</text>
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      <text bytes="4206" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Charlotta Bass|Charlotta Amanda Spears Bass]]''' (February 14, 1874 – April 12, 1969) was an American educator, newspaper publisher-editor, and civil rights activist. In 1952, Bass became the first African-American woman nominated for Vice President, as a candidate of the Progressive Party. 

== Quotes ==  

=== Speech at Progressive Party Convention (1952)===
* Included in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner (1972)

* For the first time in the history of this nation a political party has chosen a Negro woman for the second highest office in the land. It is a great honor to be chosen as a pioneer, and a great responsibility.

* I am a Negro woman. My people came before the Mayflower.

* I am more concerned with what is happening to my people in my country than war. We have lived through two wars and seen their promises turn to bitter ashes.

* For forty years I have been a working editor and publisher of the oldest Negro newspaper in the West. During those forty years I stood on a watch tower watching the tide of racial hatred and bigotry rising against my people and against all people who believe the Constitution is something more than a piece of yellowed paper to be shut off in a glass cage in the archives. I have stood watch over a home to protect a Negro family against the outrages of the Ku Klux Klan. And I have fought the brazen attempts to drive Negroes from their home under restrictive covenants. I have challenged the great corporations which extort huge profits from my people, and forced them to employ Negroes in their plants. I have stormed city councils and state legislatures and the halls of Congress demanding real representation for my people.

* could I retire when I saw that slavery had been abolished but not destroyed; that democracy had been won in World War I, but not for my people; that fascism had been wiped out in World War II, only to take roots in my own country where it blossomed and bloomed and sent forth its fruits to poison the land my people had fought to preserve!... Where were the leaders of my nation-yes, my nation, for God knows my whole ambition is to see and make my nation the best in the world-where were these great leaders when these things happened?

* To retire meant to leave this world to these people who carried oppression to Africa, to Asia, who made profits from oppression in my own land. To retire meant to leave the field to evil.

* This is what we fight against. We fight to live. We want the $65 billion that goes for death to go to build a new life. Those billions could lift the wages of my people, give them jobs, give education and training and new hope to our youth, free our sharecroppers, build new hospitals and medical centers. The $8 billion being spent to rearm Europe and crush Asia could rehouse all my people living in the ghettos of Chicago and New York and every large city in the nation.

* We fight that all people shall live. We fight to send our money to end colonialism for the colored peoples of the world, not to perpetuate it in Malan's South Africa, Churchill's Malaya, French Indo-China and the Middle East.

* Can you conceive of the party of Taft and Eisenhower and MacArthur and McArthy and the big corporations calling a Negro woman to lead the good fight in 1952? Can you see the party of Truman, of Russell of Georgia, of Rankin of Mississippi, of Byrnes of South Carolina, of Acheson, naming a Negro woman to lead the fight against enslavement?

* I am proud that I am the choice of the leaders of my own people and leaders of all those who understand how deeply the fight for peace is one and indivisible with the fight for Negro equality.

* [[Frederick Douglass]] would rejoice, for he fought not only slavery but the oppression of women.

* I give you as my slogan in this campaign-&quot;Let my people go.&quot;

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bass, Charlotta}}
[[Category:Editors from the United States]]
[[Category:Educators from the United States]]
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:American women]]
[[Category:Women politicians]]
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[[Category:1969 deaths]]</text>
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      <text bytes="4263" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Charlotta Bass closeup.jpg|thumb|Charlotta Bass]]
'''[[w:Charlotta Bass|Charlotta Amanda Spears Bass]]''' (February 14, 1874 – April 12, 1969) was an American educator, newspaper publisher-editor, and civil rights activist. In 1952, Bass became the first African-American woman nominated for Vice President, as a candidate of the Progressive Party. 

== Quotes ==  

=== Speech at Progressive Party Convention (1952)===
* Included in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner (1972)

* For the first time in the history of this nation a political party has chosen a Negro woman for the second highest office in the land. It is a great honor to be chosen as a pioneer, and a great responsibility.

* I am a Negro woman. My people came before the Mayflower.

* I am more concerned with what is happening to my people in my country than war. We have lived through two wars and seen their promises turn to bitter ashes.

* For forty years I have been a working editor and publisher of the oldest Negro newspaper in the West. During those forty years I stood on a watch tower watching the tide of racial hatred and bigotry rising against my people and against all people who believe the Constitution is something more than a piece of yellowed paper to be shut off in a glass cage in the archives. I have stood watch over a home to protect a Negro family against the outrages of the Ku Klux Klan. And I have fought the brazen attempts to drive Negroes from their home under restrictive covenants. I have challenged the great corporations which extort huge profits from my people, and forced them to employ Negroes in their plants. I have stormed city councils and state legislatures and the halls of Congress demanding real representation for my people.

* could I retire when I saw that slavery had been abolished but not destroyed; that democracy had been won in World War I, but not for my people; that fascism had been wiped out in World War II, only to take roots in my own country where it blossomed and bloomed and sent forth its fruits to poison the land my people had fought to preserve!... Where were the leaders of my nation-yes, my nation, for God knows my whole ambition is to see and make my nation the best in the world-where were these great leaders when these things happened?

* To retire meant to leave this world to these people who carried oppression to Africa, to Asia, who made profits from oppression in my own land. To retire meant to leave the field to evil.

* This is what we fight against. We fight to live. We want the $65 billion that goes for death to go to build a new life. Those billions could lift the wages of my people, give them jobs, give education and training and new hope to our youth, free our sharecroppers, build new hospitals and medical centers. The $8 billion being spent to rearm Europe and crush Asia could rehouse all my people living in the ghettos of Chicago and New York and every large city in the nation.

* We fight that all people shall live. We fight to send our money to end colonialism for the colored peoples of the world, not to perpetuate it in Malan's South Africa, Churchill's Malaya, French Indo-China and the Middle East.

* Can you conceive of the party of Taft and Eisenhower and MacArthur and McArthy and the big corporations calling a Negro woman to lead the good fight in 1952? Can you see the party of Truman, of Russell of Georgia, of Rankin of Mississippi, of Byrnes of South Carolina, of Acheson, naming a Negro woman to lead the fight against enslavement?

* I am proud that I am the choice of the leaders of my own people and leaders of all those who understand how deeply the fight for peace is one and indivisible with the fight for Negro equality.

* [[Frederick Douglass]] would rejoice, for he fought not only slavery but the oppression of women.

* I give you as my slogan in this campaign-&quot;Let my people go.&quot;

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bass, Charlotta}}
[[Category:Editors from the United States]]
[[Category:Educators from the United States]]
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:American women]]
[[Category:Women politicians]]
[[Category:1874 births]]
[[Category:1969 deaths]]</text>
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      <text bytes="4282" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Charlotta Bass closeup.jpg|thumb|Charlotta Bass (circa 1901 date)]]

'''[[w:Charlotta Bass|Charlotta Amanda Spears Bass]]''' (February 14, 1874 – April 12, 1969) was an American educator, newspaper publisher-editor, and civil rights activist. In 1952, Bass became the first African-American woman nominated for Vice President, as a candidate of the Progressive Party. 

== Quotes ==  

=== Speech at Progressive Party Convention (1952)===
* Included in ''Black Women in White America: A Documentary History'' by Gerda Lerner (1972)

* For the first time in the history of this nation a political party has chosen a Negro woman for the second highest office in the land. It is a great honor to be chosen as a pioneer, and a great responsibility.

* I am a Negro woman. My people came before the Mayflower.

* I am more concerned with what is happening to my people in my country than war. We have lived through two wars and seen their promises turn to bitter ashes.

* For forty years I have been a working editor and publisher of the oldest Negro newspaper in the West. During those forty years I stood on a watch tower watching the tide of racial hatred and bigotry rising against my people and against all people who believe the Constitution is something more than a piece of yellowed paper to be shut off in a glass cage in the archives. I have stood watch over a home to protect a Negro family against the outrages of the Ku Klux Klan. And I have fought the brazen attempts to drive Negroes from their home under restrictive covenants. I have challenged the great corporations which extort huge profits from my people, and forced them to employ Negroes in their plants. I have stormed city councils and state legislatures and the halls of Congress demanding real representation for my people.

* could I retire when I saw that slavery had been abolished but not destroyed; that democracy had been won in World War I, but not for my people; that fascism had been wiped out in World War II, only to take roots in my own country where it blossomed and bloomed and sent forth its fruits to poison the land my people had fought to preserve!... Where were the leaders of my nation-yes, my nation, for God knows my whole ambition is to see and make my nation the best in the world-where were these great leaders when these things happened?

* To retire meant to leave this world to these people who carried oppression to Africa, to Asia, who made profits from oppression in my own land. To retire meant to leave the field to evil.

* This is what we fight against. We fight to live. We want the $65 billion that goes for death to go to build a new life. Those billions could lift the wages of my people, give them jobs, give education and training and new hope to our youth, free our sharecroppers, build new hospitals and medical centers. The $8 billion being spent to rearm Europe and crush Asia could rehouse all my people living in the ghettos of Chicago and New York and every large city in the nation.

* We fight that all people shall live. We fight to send our money to end colonialism for the colored peoples of the world, not to perpetuate it in Malan's South Africa, Churchill's Malaya, French Indo-China and the Middle East.

* Can you conceive of the party of Taft and Eisenhower and MacArthur and McArthy and the big corporations calling a Negro woman to lead the good fight in 1952? Can you see the party of Truman, of Russell of Georgia, of Rankin of Mississippi, of Byrnes of South Carolina, of Acheson, naming a Negro woman to lead the fight against enslavement?

* I am proud that I am the choice of the leaders of my own people and leaders of all those who understand how deeply the fight for peace is one and indivisible with the fight for Negro equality.

* [[Frederick Douglass]] would rejoice, for he fought not only slavery but the oppression of women.

* I give you as my slogan in this campaign-&quot;Let my people go.&quot;

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bass, Charlotta}}
[[Category:Editors from the United States]]
[[Category:Educators from the United States]]
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:American women]]
[[Category:Women politicians]]
[[Category:1874 births]]
[[Category:1969 deaths]]</text>
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    <title>Steenz</title>
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      <text bytes="8469" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Steenz|Christina &quot;Steenz&quot; Stewart]]''' (born 1990) is a cartoonist and editor living in the USA, who's known for illustrating Archival Quality and currently authoring and illustrating the daily comic strip Heart of the City. Upon taking over Heart of the City from Mark Tatulli in May 2020, they became the second nationally syndicated Black nonbinary cartoonist, preceded in this distinction by Bianca Xunise only a month prior. 

== Quotes ==  

===[https://www.nbcuacademy.com/catalog/cartoonist-bianca-xunise-steenz-comic-strip-artists Interview] (2021)===
* It was very stressful at the very beginning (becoming a syndicated comic strip artist). That's a lot on someone's shoulders, to be one of three Black femme people making syndicated comics, ever, in the history of comic strips. I was sweating at my computer, like, “Oh my god, I'm supposed to be representative of an entire ethnic group.” But I did have the opportunity to talk to Bianca Xunise and Barbara Brandon-Croft [who became the first nationally syndicated Black female cartoonist in 1991] about how scary it is. Also, we're all in it together. I remember for my launch, I got emails from the [African American] creators of “Jump Start” and “Curtis,” that were like, “Welcome to the family.” That alone made all of my insecurities and stress completely vanish. I grew up reading their comics. To have them embrace me so quickly was really, really lovely. 

* Pretty much everything in my life culminates into these characters. Brent, one of my favorite characters, is that annoying, weird kid who really is into anime. There's always that super weedy Black kid in every class, wearing one of those flame polyester button-downs, and all he wants to do is talk about who can beat Goku. This archetype exists everywhere, everyone has met this person, and yet I don't see it anywhere in media. I could not name a single character that acts like that. So I was like, I'm bringing that in. 

* When I first got the gig, Bianca Xunise was the only person to ever ask me what it’s like writing a main character that's white. And I was like, I don't know. The assumption is that it will be easier for me to write someone who was Black, because I'm Black. I definitely had that thought, of “What am I doing here?” If I'm going to be the one to create these characters, and figure out the landscape of this universe, I want to make sure that what I'm doing isn't unrealistic. 

* I don't like reading about stories where trauma happens, you know? There's a reason Covid is not happening in my comic, because I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to write about Charlotte getting “hate crimed,” I would rather write about Heart realizing “Oh, yeah, I'm the odd one out here.” There are ways to talk about tough and complex issues, without making it exploitative, in a way that's light-hearted but real. 

* white people just don't think about being white. 

* It's all about visibility for me. It took me visually seeing another Black female doing the work for me to have my entire life changed. I always say yes to panels, yes to interviews, because I want to make sure that whoever is looking at the interview sees me. Then maybe kids will end up in a cartooning class saying, “I want to be like Steenz.”  

=== [https://www.comicon.com/2019/05/24/intersections-an-interview-with-steenz/ Interview] (2019)===
* I try to put as much of their personality into the kind of clothes that they wear and how they wear their hair or their make-up and so on and so forth

* I do like the idea that not only white people have to have adventures. So when you’re designing characters, who they are, what their ethnicity is like part of them, but it’s not everything.

* when someone’s like, “Design a black character,” well, what does that mean? That could mean literally anything. 

* anxiety and depression can also change how you see what people are doing and what they’re saying and what [they’re] actually meaning.

* you don’t want your stories to all be people who just have their shit together all the time. They need to be flawed because humanity is flawed. Everyone’s got problems, y’know? And I’m just really happy that we’re able to get that across sensitively to people. ’Cause we also didn’t want it to go too far to the other end where it’s like, oh, ’cause she has a mental illness she’s crazy. That’s not what we wanted to do.

* I feel great about having won the Dwayne McDuffie for diversity because… me being black and her dealing with her mental health, like we’re writing stories from our own perspective. And, the more that you have people, marginalized folks, writing from their own perspective, you get more stories that have not really been done before. So, it’s exciting to see this version of mental health. It’s exciting to see this version of people of color, where they’re not really dealing with like microaggressions at the moment because like the building is haunted.

* I definitely am very deliberate and strict when it comes to my schedule. So, while I was working on Archival Quality, the big bulk of it anyway, I was working at the library. And so that was still full-time work. So I would do eight hours at the library, come home, take a nap, wake up, get some dinner with my husband, and then work for four hours or four pages, whichever came first. And that’s how I worked for the majority of the time. And just making sure to stick to that schedule is a lot mentally, just because there are days where I’m like, “I never wanna draw ever again.” But it’s definitely worth it. And, once you get into that habit, it’s really easy to keep the train going.

* As long as it’s on a calendar, it will get done.

* I like to make sure that I have time where I don’t draw at all. So that schedule, I will do it like five out of seven days. And then those two days that I have, I can relax and, when I get back into it, I don’t get burnt out. Because burnout is real. I mean, when I finished Archival Quality, I was like, ‘I’m not gonna draw again.’ And I don’t think I drew anything like in earnest for like four to six months. 

* definitely stretch more. That’s another thing. I started working out recently, where I would like actually work out for, like, anywhere between like thirty minutes to an hour like four days out of the week. And it’s helped TREMENDOUSLY...Get in a good amount of sleep. Y’know, people like to romanticize “work culture”
** Responding to &quot;is there any advice that you have now that you would give yourself?&quot;

* one of my things that I like to do is – when I work in editorial – is find people who may not have had an opportunity to tell their stories before.

===[http://theblerdgurl.com/interviews/libraries-kamala-khan-pokemon-christina-steenz-stewart-interview/ Interview]===
* I started reading regularly in 2008. I had grown up with the DC Animated Shows like Batman The Animated series, Justice League, and Superman, but didn’t get into reading comics till out of high school.

* Sean Galloway, Chris Sanders, Dustin Nguyen, and Brittany Williams!
** responding to &quot;What artist influenced you and your work the most?&quot;

* at the moment I’m completely obsessed with Kamala Khan.

* I feel like sometimes it’s easier to put what I’m thinking into images AND words. Words aren’t enough for me. I want people to see the face and the personality behind my words. It gives it more meaning.

* I would love to see more of us (women of color and other marginalized voices) in mainstream comics. When it comes to webcomics, we’re KILLING the game. Mildred Louis, Wendy Xu, Ariel Ries, Gisele Jaboteh, Shannon Wright, Bianca Xunise, I mean we’re knocking it out of the park. But when it comes to mainstream print, it’s different. I think in order for that to change we need more WOC writing and illustrating more than just other POC characters. Put one of us on Iron Man. Have a WOC creative team for Justice League. Let me see more of us writing for ALL characters and from that is where the growth begins.

== Quotes about Steenz ==

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.oheysteenz.com/ Personal website]
* [https://twitter.com/oheysteenz Twitter page]
* [https://www.instagram.com/oheysteenz/ Instagram page]
* [https://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity Hear of the City]

[[:Category:Living people]]</text>
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      <id>3145992</id>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-22T16:11:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="8441" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Steenz|Christina &quot;Steenz&quot; Stewart]]''' (born 1990) is a cartoonist and editor living in the USA, who's known for illustrating Archival Quality and currently authoring and illustrating the daily comic strip Heart of the City. Upon taking over Heart of the City from Mark Tatulli in May 2020, they became the second nationally syndicated Black nonbinary cartoonist, preceded in this distinction by Bianca Xunise only a month prior. 

== Quotes ==  

===[https://www.nbcuacademy.com/catalog/cartoonist-bianca-xunise-steenz-comic-strip-artists Interview] (2021)===
* It was very stressful at the very beginning (becoming a syndicated comic strip artist). That's a lot on someone's shoulders, to be one of three Black femme people making syndicated comics, ever, in the history of comic strips. I was sweating at my computer, like, “Oh my god, I'm supposed to be representative of an entire ethnic group.” But I did have the opportunity to talk to Bianca Xunise and Barbara Brandon-Croft [who became the first nationally syndicated Black female cartoonist in 1991] about how scary it is. Also, we're all in it together. I remember for my launch, I got emails from the [African American] creators of “Jump Start” and “Curtis,” that were like, “Welcome to the family.” That alone made all of my insecurities and stress completely vanish. I grew up reading their comics. To have them embrace me so quickly was really, really lovely. 

* Pretty much everything in my life culminates into these characters. Brent, one of my favorite characters, is that annoying, weird kid who really is into anime. There's always that super weedy Black kid in every class, wearing one of those flame polyester button-downs, and all he wants to do is talk about who can beat Goku. This archetype exists everywhere, everyone has met this person, and yet I don't see it anywhere in media. I could not name a single character that acts like that. So I was like, I'm bringing that in. 

* When I first got the gig, Bianca Xunise was the only person to ever ask me what it’s like writing a main character that's white. And I was like, I don't know. The assumption is that it will be easier for me to write someone who was Black, because I'm Black. I definitely had that thought, of “What am I doing here?” If I'm going to be the one to create these characters, and figure out the landscape of this universe, I want to make sure that what I'm doing isn't unrealistic. 

* I don't like reading about stories where trauma happens, you know? There's a reason Covid is not happening in my comic, because I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to write about Charlotte getting “hate crimed,” I would rather write about Heart realizing “Oh, yeah, I'm the odd one out here.” There are ways to talk about tough and complex issues, without making it exploitative, in a way that's light-hearted but real. 

* white people just don't think about being white. 

* It's all about visibility for me. It took me visually seeing another Black female doing the work for me to have my entire life changed. I always say yes to panels, yes to interviews, because I want to make sure that whoever is looking at the interview sees me. Then maybe kids will end up in a cartooning class saying, “I want to be like Steenz.”  

=== [https://www.comicon.com/2019/05/24/intersections-an-interview-with-steenz/ Interview] (2019)===
* I try to put as much of their personality into the kind of clothes that they wear and how they wear their hair or their make-up and so on and so forth

* I do like the idea that not only white people have to have adventures. So when you’re designing characters, who they are, what their ethnicity is like part of them, but it’s not everything.

* when someone’s like, “Design a black character,” well, what does that mean? That could mean literally anything. 

* anxiety and depression can also change how you see what people are doing and what they’re saying and what [they’re] actually meaning.

* you don’t want your stories to all be people who just have their shit together all the time. They need to be flawed because humanity is flawed. Everyone’s got problems, y’know? And I’m just really happy that we’re able to get that across sensitively to people. ’Cause we also didn’t want it to go too far to the other end where it’s like, oh, ’cause she has a mental illness she’s crazy. That’s not what we wanted to do.

* I feel great about having won the Dwayne McDuffie for diversity because… me being black and her dealing with her mental health, like we’re writing stories from our own perspective. And, the more that you have people, marginalized folks, writing from their own perspective, you get more stories that have not really been done before. So, it’s exciting to see this version of mental health. It’s exciting to see this version of people of color, where they’re not really dealing with like microaggressions at the moment because like the building is haunted.

* I definitely am very deliberate and strict when it comes to my schedule. So, while I was working on Archival Quality, the big bulk of it anyway, I was working at the library. And so that was still full-time work. So I would do eight hours at the library, come home, take a nap, wake up, get some dinner with my husband, and then work for four hours or four pages, whichever came first. And that’s how I worked for the majority of the time. And just making sure to stick to that schedule is a lot mentally, just because there are days where I’m like, “I never wanna draw ever again.” But it’s definitely worth it. And, once you get into that habit, it’s really easy to keep the train going.

* As long as it’s on a calendar, it will get done.

* I like to make sure that I have time where I don’t draw at all. So that schedule, I will do it like five out of seven days. And then those two days that I have, I can relax and, when I get back into it, I don’t get burnt out. Because burnout is real. I mean, when I finished Archival Quality, I was like, ‘I’m not gonna draw again.’ And I don’t think I drew anything like in earnest for like four to six months. 

* definitely stretch more. That’s another thing. I started working out recently, where I would like actually work out for, like, anywhere between like thirty minutes to an hour like four days out of the week. And it’s helped TREMENDOUSLY...Get in a good amount of sleep. Y’know, people like to romanticize “work culture”
** Responding to &quot;is there any advice that you have now that you would give yourself?&quot;

* one of my things that I like to do is – when I work in editorial – is find people who may not have had an opportunity to tell their stories before.

===[http://theblerdgurl.com/interviews/libraries-kamala-khan-pokemon-christina-steenz-stewart-interview/ Interview]===
* I started reading regularly in 2008. I had grown up with the DC Animated Shows like Batman The Animated series, Justice League, and Superman, but didn’t get into reading comics till out of high school.

* Sean Galloway, Chris Sanders, Dustin Nguyen, and Brittany Williams!
** responding to &quot;What artist influenced you and your work the most?&quot;

* at the moment I’m completely obsessed with Kamala Khan.

* I feel like sometimes it’s easier to put what I’m thinking into images AND words. Words aren’t enough for me. I want people to see the face and the personality behind my words. It gives it more meaning.

* I would love to see more of us (women of color and other marginalized voices) in mainstream comics. When it comes to webcomics, we’re KILLING the game. Mildred Louis, Wendy Xu, Ariel Ries, Gisele Jaboteh, Shannon Wright, Bianca Xunise, I mean we’re knocking it out of the park. But when it comes to mainstream print, it’s different. I think in order for that to change we need more WOC writing and illustrating more than just other POC characters. Put one of us on Iron Man. Have a WOC creative team for Justice League. Let me see more of us writing for ALL characters and from that is where the growth begins.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.oheysteenz.com/ Personal website]
* [https://twitter.com/oheysteenz Twitter page]
* [https://www.instagram.com/oheysteenz/ Instagram page]
* [https://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity Hear of the City]

[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <minor />
      <comment>added [[Category:Cartoonists from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="8489" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Steenz|Christina &quot;Steenz&quot; Stewart]]''' (born 1990) is a cartoonist and editor living in the USA, who's known for illustrating Archival Quality and currently authoring and illustrating the daily comic strip Heart of the City. Upon taking over Heart of the City from Mark Tatulli in May 2020, they became the second nationally syndicated Black nonbinary cartoonist, preceded in this distinction by Bianca Xunise only a month prior. 

== Quotes ==  

===[https://www.nbcuacademy.com/catalog/cartoonist-bianca-xunise-steenz-comic-strip-artists Interview] (2021)===
* It was very stressful at the very beginning (becoming a syndicated comic strip artist). That's a lot on someone's shoulders, to be one of three Black femme people making syndicated comics, ever, in the history of comic strips. I was sweating at my computer, like, “Oh my god, I'm supposed to be representative of an entire ethnic group.” But I did have the opportunity to talk to Bianca Xunise and Barbara Brandon-Croft [who became the first nationally syndicated Black female cartoonist in 1991] about how scary it is. Also, we're all in it together. I remember for my launch, I got emails from the [African American] creators of “Jump Start” and “Curtis,” that were like, “Welcome to the family.” That alone made all of my insecurities and stress completely vanish. I grew up reading their comics. To have them embrace me so quickly was really, really lovely. 

* Pretty much everything in my life culminates into these characters. Brent, one of my favorite characters, is that annoying, weird kid who really is into anime. There's always that super weedy Black kid in every class, wearing one of those flame polyester button-downs, and all he wants to do is talk about who can beat Goku. This archetype exists everywhere, everyone has met this person, and yet I don't see it anywhere in media. I could not name a single character that acts like that. So I was like, I'm bringing that in. 

* When I first got the gig, Bianca Xunise was the only person to ever ask me what it’s like writing a main character that's white. And I was like, I don't know. The assumption is that it will be easier for me to write someone who was Black, because I'm Black. I definitely had that thought, of “What am I doing here?” If I'm going to be the one to create these characters, and figure out the landscape of this universe, I want to make sure that what I'm doing isn't unrealistic. 

* I don't like reading about stories where trauma happens, you know? There's a reason Covid is not happening in my comic, because I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to write about Charlotte getting “hate crimed,” I would rather write about Heart realizing “Oh, yeah, I'm the odd one out here.” There are ways to talk about tough and complex issues, without making it exploitative, in a way that's light-hearted but real. 

* white people just don't think about being white. 

* It's all about visibility for me. It took me visually seeing another Black female doing the work for me to have my entire life changed. I always say yes to panels, yes to interviews, because I want to make sure that whoever is looking at the interview sees me. Then maybe kids will end up in a cartooning class saying, “I want to be like Steenz.”  

=== [https://www.comicon.com/2019/05/24/intersections-an-interview-with-steenz/ Interview] (2019)===
* I try to put as much of their personality into the kind of clothes that they wear and how they wear their hair or their make-up and so on and so forth

* I do like the idea that not only white people have to have adventures. So when you’re designing characters, who they are, what their ethnicity is like part of them, but it’s not everything.

* when someone’s like, “Design a black character,” well, what does that mean? That could mean literally anything. 

* anxiety and depression can also change how you see what people are doing and what they’re saying and what [they’re] actually meaning.

* you don’t want your stories to all be people who just have their shit together all the time. They need to be flawed because humanity is flawed. Everyone’s got problems, y’know? And I’m just really happy that we’re able to get that across sensitively to people. ’Cause we also didn’t want it to go too far to the other end where it’s like, oh, ’cause she has a mental illness she’s crazy. That’s not what we wanted to do.

* I feel great about having won the Dwayne McDuffie for diversity because… me being black and her dealing with her mental health, like we’re writing stories from our own perspective. And, the more that you have people, marginalized folks, writing from their own perspective, you get more stories that have not really been done before. So, it’s exciting to see this version of mental health. It’s exciting to see this version of people of color, where they’re not really dealing with like microaggressions at the moment because like the building is haunted.

* I definitely am very deliberate and strict when it comes to my schedule. So, while I was working on Archival Quality, the big bulk of it anyway, I was working at the library. And so that was still full-time work. So I would do eight hours at the library, come home, take a nap, wake up, get some dinner with my husband, and then work for four hours or four pages, whichever came first. And that’s how I worked for the majority of the time. And just making sure to stick to that schedule is a lot mentally, just because there are days where I’m like, “I never wanna draw ever again.” But it’s definitely worth it. And, once you get into that habit, it’s really easy to keep the train going.

* As long as it’s on a calendar, it will get done.

* I like to make sure that I have time where I don’t draw at all. So that schedule, I will do it like five out of seven days. And then those two days that I have, I can relax and, when I get back into it, I don’t get burnt out. Because burnout is real. I mean, when I finished Archival Quality, I was like, ‘I’m not gonna draw again.’ And I don’t think I drew anything like in earnest for like four to six months. 

* definitely stretch more. That’s another thing. I started working out recently, where I would like actually work out for, like, anywhere between like thirty minutes to an hour like four days out of the week. And it’s helped TREMENDOUSLY...Get in a good amount of sleep. Y’know, people like to romanticize “work culture”
** Responding to &quot;is there any advice that you have now that you would give yourself?&quot;

* one of my things that I like to do is – when I work in editorial – is find people who may not have had an opportunity to tell their stories before.

===[http://theblerdgurl.com/interviews/libraries-kamala-khan-pokemon-christina-steenz-stewart-interview/ Interview]===
* I started reading regularly in 2008. I had grown up with the DC Animated Shows like Batman The Animated series, Justice League, and Superman, but didn’t get into reading comics till out of high school.

* Sean Galloway, Chris Sanders, Dustin Nguyen, and Brittany Williams!
** responding to &quot;What artist influenced you and your work the most?&quot;

* at the moment I’m completely obsessed with Kamala Khan.

* I feel like sometimes it’s easier to put what I’m thinking into images AND words. Words aren’t enough for me. I want people to see the face and the personality behind my words. It gives it more meaning.

* I would love to see more of us (women of color and other marginalized voices) in mainstream comics. When it comes to webcomics, we’re KILLING the game. Mildred Louis, Wendy Xu, Ariel Ries, Gisele Jaboteh, Shannon Wright, Bianca Xunise, I mean we’re knocking it out of the park. But when it comes to mainstream print, it’s different. I think in order for that to change we need more WOC writing and illustrating more than just other POC characters. Put one of us on Iron Man. Have a WOC creative team for Justice League. Let me see more of us writing for ALL characters and from that is where the growth begins.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.oheysteenz.com/ Personal website]
* [https://twitter.com/oheysteenz Twitter page]
* [https://www.instagram.com/oheysteenz/ Instagram page]
* [https://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity Hear of the City]

[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Cartoonists from the United States]]</text>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="8520" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Steenz|Christina &quot;Steenz&quot; Stewart]]''' (born 1990) is a cartoonist and editor living in the USA, who's known for illustrating Archival Quality and currently authoring and illustrating the daily comic strip Heart of the City. Upon taking over Heart of the City from Mark Tatulli in May 2020, they became the second nationally syndicated Black nonbinary cartoonist, preceded in this distinction by Bianca Xunise only a month prior. 

== Quotes ==  

===[https://www.nbcuacademy.com/catalog/cartoonist-bianca-xunise-steenz-comic-strip-artists Interview] (2021)===
* It was very stressful at the very beginning (becoming a syndicated comic strip artist). That's a lot on someone's shoulders, to be one of three Black femme people making syndicated comics, ever, in the history of comic strips. I was sweating at my computer, like, “Oh my god, I'm supposed to be representative of an entire ethnic group.” But I did have the opportunity to talk to Bianca Xunise and Barbara Brandon-Croft [who became the first nationally syndicated Black female cartoonist in 1991] about how scary it is. Also, we're all in it together. I remember for my launch, I got emails from the [African American] creators of “Jump Start” and “Curtis,” that were like, “Welcome to the family.” That alone made all of my insecurities and stress completely vanish. I grew up reading their comics. To have them embrace me so quickly was really, really lovely. 

* Pretty much everything in my life culminates into these characters. Brent, one of my favorite characters, is that annoying, weird kid who really is into anime. There's always that super weedy Black kid in every class, wearing one of those flame polyester button-downs, and all he wants to do is talk about who can beat Goku. This archetype exists everywhere, everyone has met this person, and yet I don't see it anywhere in media. I could not name a single character that acts like that. So I was like, I'm bringing that in. 

* When I first got the gig, Bianca Xunise was the only person to ever ask me what it’s like writing a main character that's white. And I was like, I don't know. The assumption is that it will be easier for me to write someone who was Black, because I'm Black. I definitely had that thought, of “What am I doing here?” If I'm going to be the one to create these characters, and figure out the landscape of this universe, I want to make sure that what I'm doing isn't unrealistic. 

* I don't like reading about stories where trauma happens, you know? There's a reason Covid is not happening in my comic, because I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to write about Charlotte getting “hate crimed,” I would rather write about Heart realizing “Oh, yeah, I'm the odd one out here.” There are ways to talk about tough and complex issues, without making it exploitative, in a way that's light-hearted but real. 

* white people just don't think about being white. 

* It's all about visibility for me. It took me visually seeing another Black female doing the work for me to have my entire life changed. I always say yes to panels, yes to interviews, because I want to make sure that whoever is looking at the interview sees me. Then maybe kids will end up in a cartooning class saying, “I want to be like Steenz.”  

=== [https://www.comicon.com/2019/05/24/intersections-an-interview-with-steenz/ Interview] (2019)===
* I try to put as much of their personality into the kind of clothes that they wear and how they wear their hair or their make-up and so on and so forth

* I do like the idea that not only white people have to have adventures. So when you’re designing characters, who they are, what their ethnicity is like part of them, but it’s not everything.

* when someone’s like, “Design a black character,” well, what does that mean? That could mean literally anything. 

* anxiety and depression can also change how you see what people are doing and what they’re saying and what [they’re] actually meaning.

* you don’t want your stories to all be people who just have their shit together all the time. They need to be flawed because humanity is flawed. Everyone’s got problems, y’know? And I’m just really happy that we’re able to get that across sensitively to people. ’Cause we also didn’t want it to go too far to the other end where it’s like, oh, ’cause she has a mental illness she’s crazy. That’s not what we wanted to do.

* I feel great about having won the Dwayne McDuffie for diversity because… me being black and her dealing with her mental health, like we’re writing stories from our own perspective. And, the more that you have people, marginalized folks, writing from their own perspective, you get more stories that have not really been done before. So, it’s exciting to see this version of mental health. It’s exciting to see this version of people of color, where they’re not really dealing with like microaggressions at the moment because like the building is haunted.

* I definitely am very deliberate and strict when it comes to my schedule. So, while I was working on Archival Quality, the big bulk of it anyway, I was working at the library. And so that was still full-time work. So I would do eight hours at the library, come home, take a nap, wake up, get some dinner with my husband, and then work for four hours or four pages, whichever came first. And that’s how I worked for the majority of the time. And just making sure to stick to that schedule is a lot mentally, just because there are days where I’m like, “I never wanna draw ever again.” But it’s definitely worth it. And, once you get into that habit, it’s really easy to keep the train going.

* As long as it’s on a calendar, it will get done.

* I like to make sure that I have time where I don’t draw at all. So that schedule, I will do it like five out of seven days. And then those two days that I have, I can relax and, when I get back into it, I don’t get burnt out. Because burnout is real. I mean, when I finished Archival Quality, I was like, ‘I’m not gonna draw again.’ And I don’t think I drew anything like in earnest for like four to six months. 

* definitely stretch more. That’s another thing. I started working out recently, where I would like actually work out for, like, anywhere between like thirty minutes to an hour like four days out of the week. And it’s helped TREMENDOUSLY...Get in a good amount of sleep. Y’know, people like to romanticize “work culture”
** Responding to &quot;is there any advice that you have now that you would give yourself?&quot;

* one of my things that I like to do is – when I work in editorial – is find people who may not have had an opportunity to tell their stories before.

===[http://theblerdgurl.com/interviews/libraries-kamala-khan-pokemon-christina-steenz-stewart-interview/ Interview]===
* I started reading regularly in 2008. I had grown up with the DC Animated Shows like Batman The Animated series, Justice League, and Superman, but didn’t get into reading comics till out of high school.

* Sean Galloway, Chris Sanders, Dustin Nguyen, and Brittany Williams!
** responding to &quot;What artist influenced you and your work the most?&quot;

* at the moment I’m completely obsessed with Kamala Khan.

* I feel like sometimes it’s easier to put what I’m thinking into images AND words. Words aren’t enough for me. I want people to see the face and the personality behind my words. It gives it more meaning.

* I would love to see more of us (women of color and other marginalized voices) in mainstream comics. When it comes to webcomics, we’re KILLING the game. Mildred Louis, Wendy Xu, Ariel Ries, Gisele Jaboteh, Shannon Wright, Bianca Xunise, I mean we’re knocking it out of the park. But when it comes to mainstream print, it’s different. I think in order for that to change we need more WOC writing and illustrating more than just other POC characters. Put one of us on Iron Man. Have a WOC creative team for Justice League. Let me see more of us writing for ALL characters and from that is where the growth begins.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.oheysteenz.com/ Personal website]
* [https://twitter.com/oheysteenz Twitter page]
* [https://www.instagram.com/oheysteenz/ Instagram page]
* [https://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity Hear of the City]

[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Cartoonists from the United States]]
[[Category:African Americans]]</text>
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        <id>4304</id>
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      <minor />
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      <text bytes="8545" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Steenz|Christina &quot;Steenz&quot; Stewart]]''' (born 1990) is a cartoonist and editor living in the USA, who's known for illustrating Archival Quality and currently authoring and illustrating the daily comic strip Heart of the City. Upon taking over Heart of the City from Mark Tatulli in May 2020, they became the second nationally syndicated Black nonbinary cartoonist, preceded in this distinction by Bianca Xunise only a month prior. 

== Quotes ==  

===[https://www.nbcuacademy.com/catalog/cartoonist-bianca-xunise-steenz-comic-strip-artists Interview] (2021)===
* It was very stressful at the very beginning (becoming a syndicated comic strip artist). That's a lot on someone's shoulders, to be one of three Black femme people making syndicated comics, ever, in the history of comic strips. I was sweating at my computer, like, “Oh my god, I'm supposed to be representative of an entire ethnic group.” But I did have the opportunity to talk to Bianca Xunise and Barbara Brandon-Croft [who became the first nationally syndicated Black female cartoonist in 1991] about how scary it is. Also, we're all in it together. I remember for my launch, I got emails from the [African American] creators of “Jump Start” and “Curtis,” that were like, “Welcome to the family.” That alone made all of my insecurities and stress completely vanish. I grew up reading their comics. To have them embrace me so quickly was really, really lovely. 

* Pretty much everything in my life culminates into these characters. Brent, one of my favorite characters, is that annoying, weird kid who really is into anime. There's always that super weedy Black kid in every class, wearing one of those flame polyester button-downs, and all he wants to do is talk about who can beat Goku. This archetype exists everywhere, everyone has met this person, and yet I don't see it anywhere in media. I could not name a single character that acts like that. So I was like, I'm bringing that in. 

* When I first got the gig, Bianca Xunise was the only person to ever ask me what it’s like writing a main character that's white. And I was like, I don't know. The assumption is that it will be easier for me to write someone who was Black, because I'm Black. I definitely had that thought, of “What am I doing here?” If I'm going to be the one to create these characters, and figure out the landscape of this universe, I want to make sure that what I'm doing isn't unrealistic. 

* I don't like reading about stories where trauma happens, you know? There's a reason Covid is not happening in my comic, because I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to write about Charlotte getting “hate crimed,” I would rather write about Heart realizing “Oh, yeah, I'm the odd one out here.” There are ways to talk about tough and complex issues, without making it exploitative, in a way that's light-hearted but real. 

* white people just don't think about being white. 

* It's all about visibility for me. It took me visually seeing another Black female doing the work for me to have my entire life changed. I always say yes to panels, yes to interviews, because I want to make sure that whoever is looking at the interview sees me. Then maybe kids will end up in a cartooning class saying, “I want to be like Steenz.”  

=== [https://www.comicon.com/2019/05/24/intersections-an-interview-with-steenz/ Interview] (2019)===
* I try to put as much of their personality into the kind of clothes that they wear and how they wear their hair or their make-up and so on and so forth

* I do like the idea that not only white people have to have adventures. So when you’re designing characters, who they are, what their ethnicity is like part of them, but it’s not everything.

* when someone’s like, “Design a black character,” well, what does that mean? That could mean literally anything. 

* anxiety and depression can also change how you see what people are doing and what they’re saying and what [they’re] actually meaning.

* you don’t want your stories to all be people who just have their shit together all the time. They need to be flawed because humanity is flawed. Everyone’s got problems, y’know? And I’m just really happy that we’re able to get that across sensitively to people. ’Cause we also didn’t want it to go too far to the other end where it’s like, oh, ’cause she has a mental illness she’s crazy. That’s not what we wanted to do.

* I feel great about having won the Dwayne McDuffie for diversity because… me being black and her dealing with her mental health, like we’re writing stories from our own perspective. And, the more that you have people, marginalized folks, writing from their own perspective, you get more stories that have not really been done before. So, it’s exciting to see this version of mental health. It’s exciting to see this version of people of color, where they’re not really dealing with like microaggressions at the moment because like the building is haunted.

* I definitely am very deliberate and strict when it comes to my schedule. So, while I was working on Archival Quality, the big bulk of it anyway, I was working at the library. And so that was still full-time work. So I would do eight hours at the library, come home, take a nap, wake up, get some dinner with my husband, and then work for four hours or four pages, whichever came first. And that’s how I worked for the majority of the time. And just making sure to stick to that schedule is a lot mentally, just because there are days where I’m like, “I never wanna draw ever again.” But it’s definitely worth it. And, once you get into that habit, it’s really easy to keep the train going.

* As long as it’s on a calendar, it will get done.

* I like to make sure that I have time where I don’t draw at all. So that schedule, I will do it like five out of seven days. And then those two days that I have, I can relax and, when I get back into it, I don’t get burnt out. Because burnout is real. I mean, when I finished Archival Quality, I was like, ‘I’m not gonna draw again.’ And I don’t think I drew anything like in earnest for like four to six months. 

* definitely stretch more. That’s another thing. I started working out recently, where I would like actually work out for, like, anywhere between like thirty minutes to an hour like four days out of the week. And it’s helped TREMENDOUSLY...Get in a good amount of sleep. Y’know, people like to romanticize “work culture”
** Responding to &quot;is there any advice that you have now that you would give yourself?&quot;

* one of my things that I like to do is – when I work in editorial – is find people who may not have had an opportunity to tell their stories before.

===[http://theblerdgurl.com/interviews/libraries-kamala-khan-pokemon-christina-steenz-stewart-interview/ Interview]===
* I started reading regularly in 2008. I had grown up with the DC Animated Shows like Batman The Animated series, Justice League, and Superman, but didn’t get into reading comics till out of high school.

* Sean Galloway, Chris Sanders, Dustin Nguyen, and Brittany Williams!
** responding to &quot;What artist influenced you and your work the most?&quot;

* at the moment I’m completely obsessed with Kamala Khan.

* I feel like sometimes it’s easier to put what I’m thinking into images AND words. Words aren’t enough for me. I want people to see the face and the personality behind my words. It gives it more meaning.

* I would love to see more of us (women of color and other marginalized voices) in mainstream comics. When it comes to webcomics, we’re KILLING the game. Mildred Louis, Wendy Xu, Ariel Ries, Gisele Jaboteh, Shannon Wright, Bianca Xunise, I mean we’re knocking it out of the park. But when it comes to mainstream print, it’s different. I think in order for that to change we need more WOC writing and illustrating more than just other POC characters. Put one of us on Iron Man. Have a WOC creative team for Justice League. Let me see more of us writing for ALL characters and from that is where the growth begins.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://www.oheysteenz.com/ Personal website]
* [https://twitter.com/oheysteenz Twitter page]
* [https://www.instagram.com/oheysteenz/ Instagram page]
* [https://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity Hear of the City]

[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Cartoonists from the United States]]
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      <text bytes="3099" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Mattie Lubchansky|Mattie Lubchansky]]''' is a cartoonist, illustrator, and editor from the United States. They are associate editor for ''The Nib.''

== Quotes ==  

=== Greetings from the Wasteland by ''The Nib'' (2020)===
* Comics was the thing that I always wanted to be able to do.

* I'm hard-pressed to think of a thing that happened in politics that is purely just comedy, because people's lives are at stake. I think the worst kind of political cartoon is just, like, &quot;Look at this thing that happened.&quot; Like, &quot;Here's a drawing of a news event with nothing to say about it.&quot; No point of view, nothing to say. That's not funny to me. What is funny to me is a point of view. It's something to say that is interesting or surprising about the subjects. Like, what is bad about Trump? 'Cause there's a million things, right? I think what's bad about Trump is the system that produced him. I try to think much more about the root causes of things and less about the aesthetic differences that I have with a politician. The jokes that are just like, &quot;Oh, Trump's hands are small&quot; are less funny to me. It's a little easy to poke fun at a person; it's harder and more interesting to poke fun at a structure. Because when you see Trump do something, it's not just him; it's hundreds of thousands of people enabling his policy-it's a whole support system there. For me, it was really clarifying when Trump was elected. A lot of the reaction, especially the more center-left, was like, &quot;Oh no, Trump has dropped out of space, like from a meteorite. He's this rogue figure!&quot; That's distorting everything he is. You can draw an extremely straight line from where the Republican Party was at with Reagan to Trump. I think it's more interesting to talk about that stuff.

* My style is very self-taught. I sort of taught myself drawing from watching The Simpsons and reading The Far Side. I think you can see those two things come out in my comics. I really like drawing gross stuff. I really like drawing gooey shit. I like to draw Ted Cruz, because he's really melty. I love to draw someone melting, or with extra eyeballs. I love a skull. Fire is really fun. So there's all these things that I just like to draw, and they'll end up in my comics.

* The reality of how America functions is it's hard to be an artist, period. It's really undervalued work. You have to convince so many people to like what you are doing before you can do it all the time. That's a real barrier, and it's scary and seems impossible. For a long time, I had, like, three strips a week running on various websites and I wasn't getting paid for any of it. The Nib was the first paid work ever got. It's important, I think, to step back and think, &quot;Oh man, I managed to do this.&quot; Now I'm doing it full time. And it is unserious and unprofitable, but at least I'm happy with it.

== Quotes about person/work ==

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://twitter.com/Lubchansky Twitter page]
* [https://thenib.com/author/mattie-lubchansky/ The Nib page]


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      <text bytes="3063" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Mattie Lubchansky|Mattie Lubchansky]]''' is a cartoonist, illustrator, and editor from the United States. They are associate editor for ''The Nib.''

== Quotes ==  

=== Greetings from the Wasteland by ''The Nib'' (2020)===
* Comics was the thing that I always wanted to be able to do.

* I'm hard-pressed to think of a thing that happened in politics that is purely just comedy, because people's lives are at stake. I think the worst kind of political cartoon is just, like, &quot;Look at this thing that happened.&quot; Like, &quot;Here's a drawing of a news event with nothing to say about it.&quot; No point of view, nothing to say. That's not funny to me. What is funny to me is a point of view. It's something to say that is interesting or surprising about the subjects. Like, what is bad about Trump? 'Cause there's a million things, right? I think what's bad about Trump is the system that produced him. I try to think much more about the root causes of things and less about the aesthetic differences that I have with a politician. The jokes that are just like, &quot;Oh, Trump's hands are small&quot; are less funny to me. It's a little easy to poke fun at a person; it's harder and more interesting to poke fun at a structure. Because when you see Trump do something, it's not just him; it's hundreds of thousands of people enabling his policy-it's a whole support system there. For me, it was really clarifying when Trump was elected. A lot of the reaction, especially the more center-left, was like, &quot;Oh no, Trump has dropped out of space, like from a meteorite. He's this rogue figure!&quot; That's distorting everything he is. You can draw an extremely straight line from where the Republican Party was at with Reagan to Trump. I think it's more interesting to talk about that stuff.

* My style is very self-taught. I sort of taught myself drawing from watching The Simpsons and reading The Far Side. I think you can see those two things come out in my comics. I really like drawing gross stuff. I really like drawing gooey shit. I like to draw Ted Cruz, because he's really melty. I love to draw someone melting, or with extra eyeballs. I love a skull. Fire is really fun. So there's all these things that I just like to draw, and they'll end up in my comics.

* The reality of how America functions is it's hard to be an artist, period. It's really undervalued work. You have to convince so many people to like what you are doing before you can do it all the time. That's a real barrier, and it's scary and seems impossible. For a long time, I had, like, three strips a week running on various websites and I wasn't getting paid for any of it. The Nib was the first paid work ever got. It's important, I think, to step back and think, &quot;Oh man, I managed to do this.&quot; Now I'm doing it full time. And it is unserious and unprofitable, but at least I'm happy with it.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://twitter.com/Lubchansky Twitter page]
* [https://thenib.com/author/mattie-lubchansky/ The Nib page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lubchansky, Mattie}}
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      <text bytes="3111" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Mattie Lubchansky|Mattie Lubchansky]]''' is a cartoonist, illustrator, and editor from the United States. They are associate editor for ''The Nib.''

== Quotes ==  

=== Greetings from the Wasteland by ''The Nib'' (2020)===
* Comics was the thing that I always wanted to be able to do.

* I'm hard-pressed to think of a thing that happened in politics that is purely just comedy, because people's lives are at stake. I think the worst kind of political cartoon is just, like, &quot;Look at this thing that happened.&quot; Like, &quot;Here's a drawing of a news event with nothing to say about it.&quot; No point of view, nothing to say. That's not funny to me. What is funny to me is a point of view. It's something to say that is interesting or surprising about the subjects. Like, what is bad about Trump? 'Cause there's a million things, right? I think what's bad about Trump is the system that produced him. I try to think much more about the root causes of things and less about the aesthetic differences that I have with a politician. The jokes that are just like, &quot;Oh, Trump's hands are small&quot; are less funny to me. It's a little easy to poke fun at a person; it's harder and more interesting to poke fun at a structure. Because when you see Trump do something, it's not just him; it's hundreds of thousands of people enabling his policy-it's a whole support system there. For me, it was really clarifying when Trump was elected. A lot of the reaction, especially the more center-left, was like, &quot;Oh no, Trump has dropped out of space, like from a meteorite. He's this rogue figure!&quot; That's distorting everything he is. You can draw an extremely straight line from where the Republican Party was at with Reagan to Trump. I think it's more interesting to talk about that stuff.

* My style is very self-taught. I sort of taught myself drawing from watching The Simpsons and reading The Far Side. I think you can see those two things come out in my comics. I really like drawing gross stuff. I really like drawing gooey shit. I like to draw Ted Cruz, because he's really melty. I love to draw someone melting, or with extra eyeballs. I love a skull. Fire is really fun. So there's all these things that I just like to draw, and they'll end up in my comics.

* The reality of how America functions is it's hard to be an artist, period. It's really undervalued work. You have to convince so many people to like what you are doing before you can do it all the time. That's a real barrier, and it's scary and seems impossible. For a long time, I had, like, three strips a week running on various websites and I wasn't getting paid for any of it. The Nib was the first paid work ever got. It's important, I think, to step back and think, &quot;Oh man, I managed to do this.&quot; Now I'm doing it full time. And it is unserious and unprofitable, but at least I'm happy with it.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://twitter.com/Lubchansky Twitter page]
* [https://thenib.com/author/mattie-lubchansky/ The Nib page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lubchansky, Mattie}}
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      <text bytes="3137" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Mattie Lubchansky|Mattie Lubchansky]]''' is a cartoonist, illustrator, and editor from the United States. They are associate editor for ''The Nib.''

== Quotes ==  

=== Greetings from the Wasteland by ''The Nib'' (2020)===
* Comics was the thing that I always wanted to be able to do.

* I'm hard-pressed to think of a thing that happened in politics that is purely just comedy, because people's lives are at stake. I think the worst kind of political cartoon is just, like, &quot;Look at this thing that happened.&quot; Like, &quot;Here's a drawing of a news event with nothing to say about it.&quot; No point of view, nothing to say. That's not funny to me. What is funny to me is a point of view. It's something to say that is interesting or surprising about the subjects. Like, what is bad about Trump? 'Cause there's a million things, right? I think what's bad about Trump is the system that produced him. I try to think much more about the root causes of things and less about the aesthetic differences that I have with a politician. The jokes that are just like, &quot;Oh, Trump's hands are small&quot; are less funny to me. It's a little easy to poke fun at a person; it's harder and more interesting to poke fun at a structure. Because when you see Trump do something, it's not just him; it's hundreds of thousands of people enabling his policy-it's a whole support system there. For me, it was really clarifying when Trump was elected. A lot of the reaction, especially the more center-left, was like, &quot;Oh no, Trump has dropped out of space, like from a meteorite. He's this rogue figure!&quot; That's distorting everything he is. You can draw an extremely straight line from where the Republican Party was at with Reagan to Trump. I think it's more interesting to talk about that stuff.

* My style is very self-taught. I sort of taught myself drawing from watching The Simpsons and reading The Far Side. I think you can see those two things come out in my comics. I really like drawing gross stuff. I really like drawing gooey shit. I like to draw Ted Cruz, because he's really melty. I love to draw someone melting, or with extra eyeballs. I love a skull. Fire is really fun. So there's all these things that I just like to draw, and they'll end up in my comics.

* The reality of how America functions is it's hard to be an artist, period. It's really undervalued work. You have to convince so many people to like what you are doing before you can do it all the time. That's a real barrier, and it's scary and seems impossible. For a long time, I had, like, three strips a week running on various websites and I wasn't getting paid for any of it. The Nib was the first paid work ever got. It's important, I think, to step back and think, &quot;Oh man, I managed to do this.&quot; Now I'm doing it full time. And it is unserious and unprofitable, but at least I'm happy with it.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://twitter.com/Lubchansky Twitter page]
* [https://thenib.com/author/mattie-lubchansky/ The Nib page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lubchansky, Mattie}}
[[Category:Living people]]
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      <text bytes="3181" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Mattie Lubchansky|Mattie Lubchansky]]''' is a cartoonist, illustrator, and editor from the United States. They are associate editor for ''The Nib.''

== Quotes ==  

=== Greetings from the Wasteland by ''The Nib'' (2020)===
* Comics was the thing that I always wanted to be able to do.

* I'm hard-pressed to think of a thing that happened in politics that is purely just comedy, because people's lives are at stake. I think the worst kind of political cartoon is just, like, &quot;Look at this thing that happened.&quot; Like, &quot;Here's a drawing of a news event with nothing to say about it.&quot; No point of view, nothing to say. That's not funny to me. What is funny to me is a point of view. It's something to say that is interesting or surprising about the subjects. Like, what is bad about Trump? 'Cause there's a million things, right? I think what's bad about Trump is the system that produced him. I try to think much more about the root causes of things and less about the aesthetic differences that I have with a politician. The jokes that are just like, &quot;Oh, Trump's hands are small&quot; are less funny to me. It's a little easy to poke fun at a person; it's harder and more interesting to poke fun at a structure. Because when you see Trump do something, it's not just him; it's hundreds of thousands of people enabling his policy-it's a whole support system there. For me, it was really clarifying when Trump was elected. A lot of the reaction, especially the more center-left, was like, &quot;Oh no, Trump has dropped out of space, like from a meteorite. He's this rogue figure!&quot; That's distorting everything he is. You can draw an extremely straight line from where the Republican Party was at with Reagan to Trump. I think it's more interesting to talk about that stuff.

* My style is very self-taught. I sort of taught myself drawing from watching The Simpsons and reading The Far Side. I think you can see those two things come out in my comics. I really like drawing gross stuff. I really like drawing gooey shit. I like to draw Ted Cruz, because he's really melty. I love to draw someone melting, or with extra eyeballs. I love a skull. Fire is really fun. So there's all these things that I just like to draw, and they'll end up in my comics.

* The reality of how America functions is it's hard to be an artist, period. It's really undervalued work. You have to convince so many people to like what you are doing before you can do it all the time. That's a real barrier, and it's scary and seems impossible. For a long time, I had, like, three strips a week running on various websites and I wasn't getting paid for any of it. The Nib was the first paid work ever got. It's important, I think, to step back and think, &quot;Oh man, I managed to do this.&quot; Now I'm doing it full time. And it is unserious and unprofitable, but at least I'm happy with it.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://twitter.com/Lubchansky Twitter page]
* [https://thenib.com/author/mattie-lubchansky/ The Nib page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lubchansky, Mattie}}
[[Category:Living people]]
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      <text bytes="3230" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Mattie Lubchansky|Mattie Lubchansky]]''' is a cartoonist, illustrator, and editor from the United States. They are associate editor for ''The Nib.''

== Quotes ==  

=== Greetings from the Wasteland by ''The Nib'' (2020)===
* Comics was the thing that I always wanted to be able to do.

* I'm hard-pressed to think of a thing that happened in politics that is purely just comedy, because people's lives are at stake. I think the worst kind of political cartoon is just, like, &quot;Look at this thing that happened.&quot; Like, &quot;Here's a drawing of a news event with nothing to say about it.&quot; No point of view, nothing to say. That's not funny to me. What is funny to me is a point of view. It's something to say that is interesting or surprising about the subjects. Like, what is bad about Trump? 'Cause there's a million things, right? I think what's bad about Trump is the system that produced him. I try to think much more about the root causes of things and less about the aesthetic differences that I have with a politician. The jokes that are just like, &quot;Oh, Trump's hands are small&quot; are less funny to me. It's a little easy to poke fun at a person; it's harder and more interesting to poke fun at a structure. Because when you see Trump do something, it's not just him; it's hundreds of thousands of people enabling his policy-it's a whole support system there. For me, it was really clarifying when Trump was elected. A lot of the reaction, especially the more center-left, was like, &quot;Oh no, Trump has dropped out of space, like from a meteorite. He's this rogue figure!&quot; That's distorting everything he is. You can draw an extremely straight line from where the Republican Party was at with Reagan to Trump. I think it's more interesting to talk about that stuff.

* My style is very self-taught. I sort of taught myself drawing from watching The Simpsons and reading The Far Side. I think you can see those two things come out in my comics. I really like drawing gross stuff. I really like drawing gooey shit. I like to draw Ted Cruz, because he's really melty. I love to draw someone melting, or with extra eyeballs. I love a skull. Fire is really fun. So there's all these things that I just like to draw, and they'll end up in my comics.

* The reality of how America functions is it's hard to be an artist, period. It's really undervalued work. You have to convince so many people to like what you are doing before you can do it all the time. That's a real barrier, and it's scary and seems impossible. For a long time, I had, like, three strips a week running on various websites and I wasn't getting paid for any of it. The Nib was the first paid work ever got. It's important, I think, to step back and think, &quot;Oh man, I managed to do this.&quot; Now I'm doing it full time. And it is unserious and unprofitable, but at least I'm happy with it.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://twitter.com/Lubchansky Twitter page]
* [https://thenib.com/author/mattie-lubchansky/ The Nib page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lubchansky, Mattie}}
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      <comment>#botswana #women</comment>
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      <text bytes="536" xml:space="preserve">Candida Montsho is a  Motswana fashion designer who co founded Dihdah with her husband.  She is also co-founder of Everyday Fashion BW.

== Quotes ==
&quot;We currently only house one designer, but the aim is to open up for various designers to sell their clothes on the platform. We hope to show Botswana that even in fashion and clothing manufacturing, self sufficiency is possible&quot;.

[https://www.pressreader.com/botswana/the-voice-botswana/20220701/282020445986536 Everyday Fashion! Showcasing the everyday cooperate baddie] July 1, 2022</text>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;[https://www.ub.bw/news/dr-malebogo-bakwena-2021-sawil-trailblazers-top-10-winner Dr Bakwena] is an economist and an avid researcher, who has undertaken policy-based research projects focused on finding solutions to Botswana´s socio-economic issues such as youth unemployment, poverty and gender inequalities. She is passionate about empowering and nurturing young people. Over the years she has mentored several young people through engagement in organisations such as the...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="744" xml:space="preserve">[https://www.ub.bw/news/dr-malebogo-bakwena-2021-sawil-trailblazers-top-10-winner Dr Bakwena] is an economist and an avid researcher, who has undertaken policy-based research projects focused on finding solutions to Botswana´s socio-economic issues such as youth unemployment, poverty and gender inequalities. She is passionate about empowering and nurturing young people. Over the years she has mentored several young people through engagement in organisations such as the Botswana SOS Children's village and the Girls for girls (G4G) mentorship programme. In addition, she has been a benefactor of young girls (and boys) in rural Botswana schools, such as the Tutume McConnel College, Leshibitse and Sesung Primary schools.


== Quotes ==

#</text>
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[https://www.ub.bw/news/dr-malebogo-bakwena-2021-sawil-trailblazers-top-10-winner Dr Bakwena] is an economist and an avid researcher, who has undertaken policy-based research projects focused on finding solutions to Botswana´s socio-economic issues such as youth unemployment, poverty and gender inequalities. She is passionate about empowering and nurturing young people. Over the years she has mentored several young people through engagement in organisations such as the Botswana SOS Children's village and the Girls for girls (G4G) mentorship programme. In addition, she has been a benefactor of young girls (and boys) in rural Botswana schools, such as the Tutume McConnel College, Leshibitse and Sesung Primary schools.


== Quotes ==

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[https://www.ub.bw/news/dr-malebogo-bakwena-2021-sawil-trailblazers-top-10-winner Dr Bakwena] is an economist and an avid researcher, who has undertaken policy-based research projects focused on finding solutions to Botswana´s socio-economic issues such as youth unemployment, poverty and gender inequalities. She is passionate about empowering and nurturing young people. Over the years she has mentored several young people through engagement in organisations such as the Botswana SOS Children's village and the Girls for girls (G4G) mentorship programme. In addition, she has been a benefactor of young girls (and boys) in rural Botswana schools, such as the Tutume McConnel College, Leshibitse and Sesung Primary schools.


== Quotes ==

#Mentorship helps instil confidence and courage to break glass ceilings. One learns from those who have done it before and is able to avoid common pitfalls. Dr Malebogo Bakwena: by Debonair Admin on October 1, 2021.[https://www.pridemagazineng.com/pride-magazine-nigeria-woman-of-the-month-october-2021-dr-malebogo-bakwena/ Pride Magazine Nigeria Woman of the Month October 2021: Dr Malebogo Bakwena]
##In my field, it’s important to be mentored especially when it comes to building a research profile and sourcing research funding. 
##Personally, mentoring has helped me gain confidence in my ability to lead, to source research funding and has taught me the communication skills necessary to interact with different stakeholders.
##Be authentic. I would make two recommendations to young women. Firstly, young women must always remember that there is consensus reality and their individual reality. African society is always quick to remind women of their gender and expect women to behave in a certain (womanly) manner.
##Young women must always look up to other women who have done it before for inspiration. Secondly, young women should look to their male counterparts as partners, not rivals. In fact, I firmly believe that the majority of male counterparts are always ready to be of assistance, provided you are willing to ask for help. In other words, I truly believe asking for help does not make you weak or incompetent and instead shows you are human and are hungry to learn.
#


== '''References''' ==

# https://www.pridemagazineng.com/pride-magazine-nigeria-woman-of-the-month-october-2021-dr-malebogo-bakwena/ 1 October 2021. Retrieved 22/07/22
#

[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:Women in Research]]
[[Category:Women in Botswa]]
[[Category:Women in economics]]
[[Category:Women in leadership]]</text>
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[https://www.ub.bw/news/dr-malebogo-bakwena-2021-sawil-trailblazers-top-10-winner Dr Bakwena] is an economist and an avid researcher, who has undertaken policy-based research projects focused on finding solutions to Botswana´s socio-economic issues such as youth unemployment, poverty and gender inequalities. She is passionate about empowering and nurturing young people. Over the years she has mentored several young people through engagement in organisations such as the Botswana SOS Children's village and the Girls for girls (G4G) mentorship programme. [https://www.ub.bw/news/dr-malebogo-bakwena-2021-sawil-trailblazers-top-10-winner In addition, she has been a benefactor of young girls (and boys) in rural Botswana schools, such as the Tutume McConnel College, Leshibitse and Sesung Primary schools.]


== Quotes ==

#Mentorship helps instil confidence and courage to break glass ceilings. One learns from those who have done it before and is able to avoid common pitfalls. Dr Malebogo Bakwena: by Debonair Admin on October 1, 2021.[https://www.pridemagazineng.com/pride-magazine-nigeria-woman-of-the-month-october-2021-dr-malebogo-bakwena/ Pride Magazine Nigeria Woman of the Month October 2021: Dr Malebogo Bakwena]
##In my field, it’s important to be mentored especially when it comes to building a research profile and sourcing research funding. 
##Personally, mentoring has helped me gain confidence in my ability to lead, to source research funding and has taught me the communication skills necessary to interact with different stakeholders.
##Be authentic. I would make two recommendations to young women. Firstly, young women must always remember that there is consensus reality and their individual reality. African society is always quick to remind women of their gender and expect women to behave in a certain (womanly) manner.
##Young women must always look up to other women who have done it before for inspiration. Secondly, young women should look to their male counterparts as partners, not rivals. In fact, I firmly believe that the majority of male counterparts are always ready to be of assistance, provided you are willing to ask for help. In other words, I truly believe asking for help does not make you weak or incompetent and instead shows you are human and are hungry to learn.
#


== '''References''' ==

# https://www.pridemagazineng.com/pride-magazine-nigeria-woman-of-the-month-october-2021-dr-malebogo-bakwena/ 1 October 2021. Retrieved 22/07/22
#

[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:Botswana Women|Malebogo Bakwena]]</text>
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    <title>Talk:Cocomelon</title>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{italic title}} == A Commons file used on this page has been nominated for speedy deletion == The following Wikimedia Commons file used on this page has been nominated for speedy deletion: * [[commons:File:Screenshot 20190508-163841 YouTube.jpg|Screenshot 20190508-163841 YouTube.jpg]]&lt;!-- COMMONSBOT: speedy | 2019-05-14T05:36:18.378380 | Screenshot 20190508-163841 YouTube.jpg --&gt; You can see the reason for deletion at the file description page linked above. —User:Co...&quot;</comment>
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== A Commons file used on this page has been nominated for speedy deletion ==
The following Wikimedia Commons file used on this page has been nominated for speedy deletion:
* [[commons:File:Screenshot 20190508-163841 YouTube.jpg|Screenshot 20190508-163841 YouTube.jpg]]&lt;!-- COMMONSBOT: speedy | 2019-05-14T05:36:18.378380 | Screenshot 20190508-163841 YouTube.jpg --&gt;
You can see the reason for deletion at the file description page linked above. —[[User:Community Tech bot|Community Tech bot]] ([[User talk:Community Tech bot|talk]]) 05:36, 14 May 2019 (UTC)

== Reasons against CoCoMelon Deletion ==
User 2yechan was hired by Treasure Studio Inc, the parent company for CoCoMelon. The user has been instructed to write information regarding the history of CoCoMelon company, which does not have much media presence outside of YouTube. The CoCoMelon Wikipedia page is a young work in progress, and current lack of sources does not justify grounds for deletion. All video screenshots are justified by fair use.  &lt;!-- Template:Unsigned IP --&gt;&lt;small class=&quot;autosigned&quot;&gt;—&amp;nbsp;Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[Special:Contributions/70.169.226.132|70.169.226.132]] ([[User talk:70.169.226.132#top|talk]]) 20:26, 9 August 2019 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt; &lt;!--Autosigned by SineBot--&gt;

The monetary incentives will not compromise the neutrality of the subject, I hope.   [[User:Leather Daddy Lenin|Leather Daddy Lenin]] ([[User talk:Leather Daddy Lenin|talk]]) 13:59, 10 June 2020 (UTC)

== Vice article ==

I removed the following, as the source actually said, &quot;But not all of kids YouTube is a hellscape&quot; and referred to Cocomelon in the context of the not-hellscape part of YouTube. The article raised concerns about weird recommendations being presented to kids, but that's an issue with kids using YouTube in general. [[User:Clayoquot|Clayoquot]] ([[User_talk:Clayoquot|talk]] &lt;nowiki&gt;&amp;#124;&lt;/nowiki&gt; [[Special:Contributions/Clayoquot|contribs]]) 05:04, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

: ''[[Vice Media|Vice]]'' called the &quot;mass-created animation&quot; that channels such as Cocomelon and other channels like make a part of a YouTube &quot;hellscape&quot;.&lt;ref name=&quot;Vice&quot;&gt;{{Cite web|url=https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/mbznpy/youtubers-are-fighting-algorithms-to-make-good-content-for-kids|title=YouTubers Are Fighting Algorithms to Make Good Content for Kids|last=Haskins|first=Caroline|date=19 March 2019|website=[[Vice Media|Vice]]|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190814182839/https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/mbznpy/youtubers-are-fighting-algorithms-to-make-good-content-for-kids|archive-date=14 August 2019|url-status=live|access-date=14 August 2019}}&lt;/ref&gt;
{{reflist-talk}}

== Why I trimmed the lede ==

I trimmed out much of the controversy, including the sentence that was in the lede. I cannot get to the WSJ article, but the Wired article is not calling out this channel specifically, but rather children's music videos in general, and I felt that it was unfair of us to imply that there is something about Cocomelon in particular that is problematic. [[user:Soap|—]]&lt;span style=&quot;background-color: #a6ffe0; padding: 3px; border-radius: 6px 6px 6px 6px;&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;[[user talk:Soap|Soap]]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/span&gt;[[Special:Contributions/Soap|—]] 22:15, 13 January 2020 (UTC)

== comment on vandalism ==

Since June 1 2020 there has been an increase in vandalism on this page, but there have been good IP edits as well .... for example, the person who introduced the information about Netflix did so as an IP, and so I believe the page is best left open to IP editing for the time being. Hopefully the meme will wear itself out soon. [[user:Soap|—]]&lt;span style=&quot;background-color: #a6ffe0; padding: 3px; border-radius: 6px 6px 6px 6px;&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;[[user talk:Soap|Soap]]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/span&gt;[[Special:Contributions/Soap|—]] 02:21, 10 July 2020 (UTC)

== Episode list ==

Hi folks,

I think a lot of parents would benefit from a list of cocomelon episodes on Netflix with a list of what songs appear in what order. Our little one asks for specific songs all the time and it would be nice not to have to switch to YouTube every time, or skip around looking for them.

I'll ping the company and ask if they have a listing, but I super don't have the time and energy to transfer that info into a well-formatted episode list section... [[User:Dmurring|Dmurring]] ([[User talk:Dmurring|talk]]) 03:02, 5 January 2021 (UTC)

== subscribers ==

SocialBlade now, for the first time, places Cocomelon [https://socialblade.com/youtube/top/100/mostsubscribed above] PewDiePie in subscriber count, but Im not sure that this is real, since it's not clear that YouTube's back end is providing anything other than the rounded estimate of 109 million.  Even if a third-party publishes a story now saying that Cocomelon has in fact crossed over to 2nd place, I want to wait until we can see either an exact subscriber count (which I dont think is possible) or one of the channels, presumably Cocomelon, reaching 110 million so that it will be indisputable. [[user:Soap|—]]&lt;span style=&quot;background-color: #a6ffe0; padding: 3px; border-radius: 6px 6px 6px 6px;&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;[[user talk:Soap|Soap]]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/span&gt;[[Special:Contributions/Soap|—]] 14:32, 13 April 2021 (UTC)
== &quot;Checkgate&quot; listed at [[Wikipedia:Redirects for discussion|Redirects for discussion]] ==
[[File:Information.svg|30px]]
A discussion is taking place to address the redirect [[:Checkgate]]. The discussion will occur at [[Wikipedia:Redirects for discussion/Log/2021 April 30#Checkgate]] until a consensus is reached, and readers of this page are welcome to contribute to the discussion. &lt;!-- from Template:RFDNote --&gt; &lt;sub&gt;signed, &lt;/sub&gt;[[User:Rosguill|'''''Rosguill''''']] &lt;sup&gt;[[User talk:Rosguill|''talk'']]&lt;/sup&gt; 17:45, 30 April 2021 (UTC)

== Semi-protected edit request on 31 July 2021 ==

{{edit semi-protected|Cocomelon|answered=yes}}
 [[Special:Contributions/2600:100A:B128:35DF:E1D1:9384:3A0C:9D5F|2600:100A:B128:35DF:E1D1:9384:3A0C:9D5F]] ([[User talk:2600:100A:B128:35DF:E1D1:9384:3A0C:9D5F|talk]]) 20:20, 31 July 2021 (UTC)

Hi please put this series onto the Cartoonito category. [[Special:Contributions/2600:100A:B128:35DF:E1D1:9384:3A0C:9D5F|2600:100A:B128:35DF:E1D1:9384:3A0C:9D5F]] ([[User talk:2600:100A:B128:35DF:E1D1:9384:3A0C:9D5F|talk]]) 20:20, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
:[[File:Red question icon with gradient background.svg|20px|link=|alt=]] '''Not done:''' it's not clear what changes you want to be made. Please mention the specific changes in a &quot;change X to Y&quot; format and provide a [[Wikipedia:Reliable sources|reliable source]] if appropriate.&lt;!-- Template:ESp --&gt; [[User:ScottishFinnishRadish|ScottishFinnishRadish]] ([[User talk:ScottishFinnishRadish|talk]]) 20:27, 31 July 2021 (UTC)

== Request to change Cocomelon to CoComelon and add content ==

{{Request edit|D}}
Hi, this is Eloise. I have some basic requests for this page that I hope {{u|Soap}} will be able to implement.
#Throughout the article CoComelon is written incorrectly, with a lower-case 'c' in the middle of the name. The correct way to write the name is CoComelon, with two upper-case 'C's.  Using the search function &quot;Ctrl&quot;+F you should be able to find all the instances where CoComelon needs to be changed.
#In the Intro section the second sentence should begin with &quot;CoComelon is an animated musical children's series&lt;ref name=&quot;:0&quot;&gt;{{Cite news|title=Kids Have A New Obsession: 'CoComelon'|language=en|work=NPR.org|url=https://www.npr.org/2021/08/22/1030100015/kids-have-a-new-obsession-cocomelon|access-date=2021-10-10}}&lt;/ref&gt; that specializes in 3D animation videos...&quot;
#Please add the following as the last sentence of the Intro section: &quot; On Netflix CoComelon was among the top ten of all Netflix shows, including shows for adults, for the year ending in August 2021.&lt;ref name=&quot;:0&quot; /&gt; &quot;
#In the first paragraph of the &quot;Content&quot; section, please add the following to the beginning of the first sentence: &quot;CoComelon's educational videos use songs to teach children and include children, adults, and animals...&quot;
#Please add the following as the second sentence to the first paragraph of the &quot;Content&quot; section: &quot;The series is focused on a young boy named JJ, his family, and their everyday activities, such as eating vegetables, and attending school.&lt;ref name=&quot;:0&quot; /&gt; &quot;
{{reflist-talk}}
Thanks so much for all your help. [[User:Eloise Moonbug|Eloise Moonbug]] ([[User talk:Eloise Moonbug|talk]]) 10:46, 19 October 2021 (UTC)
:Im sorry, I dont feel comfortable doing these edits ... and Im not sure I have a good way to word what I want to say.  
:I noticed a while back that you've been editing articles directly lately, and hoped that you'd be able to do likewise with edits in general, but the fact that you present this as a request while editing the other pages directly leads me to think there may be something different about this request I was missing at first.   While I didnt see anything wrong with the edit at first, looking at it more closely I can see two things that could be a problem .... 
::#The letter casing of the name of the channel should be consistent within the article, but could create a headache for Wikipedia editors as much of the editing on this article will revolve around correcting people who type out the name in standard letter casing, as that is what they may feel the proper spelling is; at least for now, the YouTube channel still uses the spelling ''Cocomelon'' with a lowercase c.  Im actually not sure what Wikipedia policy is on this, if there is one ... Im trying to think of another company with an internal capital letter in its logo that isnt a separate  word  to see if there is a precedent to follow.  
::#The rest of the edit seems like a very close paraphrase of the audio interview.
: Im not sure what else to say .... if the edit were not controversial, i would expect you'd have been comfortable making it directly, ... that implies that this edit is controversial, so Im not comfortable signing off on it myself.    Im sorry I cant say more. [[user:Soap|—]]&lt;span style=&quot;background-color: #a6ffe0; padding: 3px; border-radius: 6px 6px 6px 6px;&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;[[user talk:Soap|Soap]]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/span&gt;[[Special:Contributions/Soap|—]] 22:30, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
::[[File:Red information icon with gradient background.svg|20px|link=|alt=]]&amp;nbsp;'''Not done:''' &lt;!-- Template:ECOI --&gt; Denied. My reasons for declining this ER are the same as Soap's. [[User:Quetstar|Quetstar]] ([[User talk:Quetstar|talk]]) 13:51, 24 October 2021 (UTC)

::Hi {{u|Soap}}. I understand your concerns about implementing my requests. Please allow me to politely address each one of your concerns, and hopefully you will see that my requests are in good faith and will ultimately improve the article.

*You are correct that the title of the YouTube channel has not yet changed to CoComelon, but that is for technical reasons, and it is spelled with two capital Cs in all other official places. Note as well that our logo has two capital Cs, and most reliable sources about CoComelon use this style.

*Regarding my direct editing, I have limited it to extremely minor changes, such as updating the Moonbug Entertainment infobox, adding a logo or a link, fixing grammar and removing erroneous content. Whenever my desired changes have gone beyond those categories, I have put them in an edit request – not because they are necessarily controversial, but because they are not extremely minor.

*As far as the close paraphrasing goes, thanks for catching that. I re-wrote edits #3, #4 and #5 so they less resemble the original content. Since edit request #2 only adds a few words to the second sentence, I think it is probably OK as is. If you disagree, please change it to however you feel is the best construction.

*Here is an alternative phrasing of requested edit #3: CoComelon was one of Netflix's ten most popular shows among all programming, for the year ending in August 2021.

*Alternative phrasing for requested edit #4: Using music as a teaching tool, CoComelon's educational videos include adults, children and animals...&quot;

*New version for edit request #5: The videos portray the everyday activities, like healthy eating and going to school, of a young boy named JJ, and his family.

Thanks again for all your help. I hope we can continue to work together pleasantly and productively in the future. [[User:Eloise Moonbug|Eloise Moonbug]] ([[User talk:Eloise Moonbug|talk]]) 10:13, 23 November 2021 (UTC)

:::{{u|Soap}}, Hi there. It's been a while since we last spoke, and I saw that you're editing less actively these days. I wanted to just wrap up this one point, if you have a moment. How about adding the following to the first sentence of the article for now: &quot;'''''Cocomelon'''''{{highlight|, stylized as CoComelon,}} is an American [[YouTube]] channel and streaming media show...&quot;

:::If this is acceptable, I'd be happy to make the edit myself. Seeing as it's uncontroversial I would have done so already, but wanted to check with you since it relates to this previous discussion. Thanks again for all of your assistance, [[User:Eloise Moonbug|Eloise Moonbug]] ([[User talk:Eloise Moonbug|talk]]) 13:51, 17 February 2022 (UTC)
::::I support this  change but I really, really, need to resign immediately and forever from  this project and from all commitments  outside the very narrow issue of     the color-based   {{tl|weatherbox}} template editing and        occasional minor edits that dont require me to read the full text of the Wikipedia page or to read a page linked from offsite.  I'm glad I was able to help  improve this article back in late 2019 when   it was in trouble but I can no longer help.    Best regards, [[user:Soap|—]]&lt;span style=&quot;background-color: #a6ffe0; padding: 3px; border-radius: 6px 6px 6px 6px;&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;[[user talk:Soap|Soap]]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/span&gt;[[Special:Contributions/Soap|—]] 13:09, 25 February 2022 (UTC)

:::::Soap, thank you for your help over the years. Best of luck with your future endeavors. [[User:Eloise Moonbug|Eloise Moonbug]] ([[User talk:Eloise Moonbug|talk]]) 17:01, 28 February 2022 (UTC)

== A Commons file used on this page or its Wikidata item has been nominated for deletion ==
The following Wikimedia Commons file used on this page or its Wikidata item has been nominated for deletion:
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Participate in the deletion discussion at the [[commons:Commons:Deletion requests/File:Cocomelon-logo-watermelon.png|nomination page]]. —[[User:Community Tech bot|Community Tech bot]] ([[User talk:Community Tech bot|talk]]) 13:22, 31 March 2022 (UTC)</text>
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      <text bytes="199" xml:space="preserve">== Unsourced ==

''The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.'' [[User:Tomruen|Tomruen]] ([[User talk:Tomruen|talk]]) 21:50, 22 July 2022 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>etiocqotma61krmlwqccyxlidz3z4py</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146093</id>
      <parentid>3146091</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-22T21:52:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Tomruen</username>
        <id>1746883</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Replaced content with &quot;== Unsourced ==&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="15" xml:space="preserve">== Unsourced ==</text>
      <sha1>5gpc6afjnfoe6j1h67vo5w8g77hdnwh</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 23, 2022</title>
    <ns>4</ns>
    <id>249595</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146115</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:14:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;{| style=&quot;background: {{{color}}}&quot; | align=center | [[File:Liz Cheney 15800286.jpg|234px]] | align=center | &amp;nbsp; | align=center | {{quote of the day | quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; &lt;!-- There was no evidence of fraud or irregularities sufficient to change the election outcome. Our courts had ruled. It was over. Now we know that it didn’t matter what any of us said because  --&gt;[[Donald Trump]] wasn’t looking for the right answer [[legally]] or the right answer fact...&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1475" xml:space="preserve">{| style=&quot;background: {{{color}}}&quot;
| align=center | [[File:Liz Cheney 15800286.jpg|234px]]
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center | {{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; &lt;!-- There was no evidence of fraud or irregularities sufficient to change the election outcome. Our courts had ruled. It was over. Now we know that it didn’t matter what any of us said because  --&gt;[[Donald Trump]] wasn’t looking for the right answer [[legally]] or the right answer [[factually]]. He was looking for a way to remain in office. …&lt;!-- Let’s put that aside for a moment and focus just on what we saw today. --&gt; In our hearing tonight, you saw an [[President of the United States|American president]] faced with a stark, unmistakable [[choice]] between right and wrong. There was no [[ambiguity]], no nuance. Donald Trump made a purposeful choice to violate his [[oath]] of office, to ignore the ongoing [[violence]] against law enforcement, to threaten our Constitutional order. There is no way to excuse that behavior. It was indefensible. &lt;br /&gt; And every American must consider this: Can a president who is willing to make the choices Donald Trump made during [[2021 United States Capitol attack|the violence of January 6th]] ever be [[trusted]] with any position of [[authority]] in our great nation again?
| author = Liz Cheney
}}
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center | [[File:United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack Logo (Blue).png|292px]]
|}</text>
      <sha1>0ivd0j2a3hfzi8v6fd7874tjie6sapi</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146117</id>
      <parentid>3146115</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:16:48Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1510" xml:space="preserve">{| style=&quot;background: {{{color}}}&quot;
| align=center | [[File:Liz Cheney 15800286.jpg|234px]]
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center | {{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; &lt;!-- There was no evidence of fraud or irregularities sufficient to change the election outcome. Our courts had ruled. It was over. Now we know that it didn’t matter what any of us said because  --&gt;[[Donald Trump]] wasn’t looking for the right answer [[legally]] or the right answer [[factually]]. He was looking for a way to remain in office. …&lt;!-- Let’s put that aside for a moment and focus just on what we saw today. --&gt; In our hearing tonight, you saw an [[President of the United States|American president]] faced with a stark, unmistakable [[choice]] between right and wrong. There was no [[ambiguity]], no nuance. Donald Trump made a purposeful choice to violate his [[oath]] of office, to ignore the ongoing [[violence]] against law enforcement, to threaten [[United States Constitution|our Constitutional]] [[order]]. There is no way to excuse that behavior. It was indefensible. &lt;br /&gt; And every American must consider this: Can a president who is willing to make the choices Donald Trump made during [[2021 United States Capitol attack|the violence of January 6th]] ever be [[trusted]] with any position of [[authority]] in our great nation again?
| author = Liz Cheney
}}
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center | [[File:United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack Logo (Blue).png|292px]]
|}</text>
      <sha1>f1dnqn3xk33u8malkz6pud141zqpr1l</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146118</id>
      <parentid>3146117</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:17:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1514" xml:space="preserve">{| style=&quot;background: {{{color}}}&quot;
| align=center | [[File:Liz Cheney 15800286.jpg|234px]]
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center | {{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; &lt;!-- There was no evidence of fraud or irregularities sufficient to change the election outcome. Our courts had ruled. It was over. Now we know that it didn’t matter what any of us said because  --&gt;[[Donald Trump]] wasn’t looking for the right answer [[legally]] or the right answer [[factually]]. He was looking for a way to remain in office. …&lt;!-- Let’s put that aside for a moment and focus just on what we saw today. --&gt; In our hearing tonight, you saw an [[President of the United States|American president]] faced with a stark, unmistakable [[choice]] between right and wrong. There was no [[ambiguity]], no nuance. Donald Trump made a [[purposeful]] choice to violate his [[oath]] of office, to ignore the ongoing [[violence]] against law enforcement, to threaten [[United States Constitution|our Constitutional]] [[order]]. There is no way to excuse that behavior. It was indefensible. &lt;br /&gt; And every American must consider this: Can a president who is willing to make the choices Donald Trump made during [[2021 United States Capitol attack|the violence of January 6th]] ever be [[trusted]] with any position of [[authority]] in our great nation again?
| author = Liz Cheney
}}
| align=center | &amp;nbsp;
| align=center | [[File:United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack Logo (Blue).png|292px]]
|}</text>
      <sha1>eibaekn4185901gn2ywda16ys5hxy3z</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Factually</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>249596</id>
    <redirect title="Fact" />
    <revision>
      <id>3146116</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T00:14:49Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Redirected page to [[Fact]]</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="18" xml:space="preserve">#Redirect [[Fact]]</text>
      <sha1>dxm1hx6bwya07l90s9t30umu2xqkun0</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Nope (film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>249597</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146155</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:51:19Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{italic title}} '''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]]. :''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].'' {{film-stub}}  == OJ Haywood == *What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that? *They took them. They took all of them. *They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do. *I don'...&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2419" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yuen]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{Metacritic film|nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|m/nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>93gemdx4wi766j02lc778cj9sdm2iio</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146156</id>
      <parentid>3146155</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:51:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Cast */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2419" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{Metacritic film|nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|m/nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>jdqmpb7oay2jhsz7qcdcvz2zmdregr2</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146158</id>
      <parentid>3146156</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:52:48Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2423" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{Metacritic film|movie/nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>ossab0lrvkwtv36vsjrnith2d5bk0op</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146159</id>
      <parentid>3146158</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T02:53:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2417" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{Metacritic film|nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>l72yrogwgtv8hnpfvp9vunlffa4sp1l</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146214</id>
      <parentid>3146159</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:44:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2419" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{Metacritic film|m|nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>5y7ujcptx9grioirv16zuisr3npak1j</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146215</id>
      <parentid>3146214</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:45:05Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2419" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{Metacritic film|m=nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>5o4h8p926uxqh3o1txdjkui8j18crr9</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146216</id>
      <parentid>3146215</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:47:41Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2431" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{Metacritic film|id=nope|title=Nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>4ptum2uc9szzgitey8rvbioedc6o4au</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146218</id>
      <parentid>3146216</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:48:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2431" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{metacritic film|id=nope|title=Nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>hkvua9eg7f4ufdvwaw5yrk0g6one5pb</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146219</id>
      <parentid>3146218</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:48:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2422" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Nope (film)|Nope]]''''' is a [[w:2022 in film|2022 film]] about two ranch-owning siblings who attempt to capture video evidence of an [[w:Unidentified flying object|unidentified flying object]].
:''Directed and written by [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]].''
{{film-stub}}

== OJ Haywood ==
*What's a bad miracle? They got a word for that?
*They took them. They took all of them.
*They're going to come back. You ready? We got some work to do.
*I don't think they'd take you if you don't look at it.

== Emerald Haywood ==
* Yeah. No, no, no. RUN!!
*Don't look, don't look, don't look.
*I ain't never seen nothing like this.
*Let's go baby! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Emerald''': Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a black man on a horse? And that man is my great-great-grandfather.
:'''OJ''': Great.
:'''Emerald''': There's another great, grandfather. But that's why back at the Hollywood Ranch, as the only black owned horse trainers in Hollywood, we like to say, since the moments pictures can move we had skin in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emerald''': Bro, what did you see?
:'''OJ''': Something above the clouds, that's big.
:'''Emerald''': How big?
:'''OJ''': Big.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Daniel Kaluuya|Daniel Kaluuya]] – OJ Haywood
* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] – Emerald Haywood
* [[Steven Yeun]] – Ricky &quot;Jupe&quot; Park
* [[w:Brandon Perea|Brandon Perea]] – Angel Torres
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] – Antlers Holst
* [[w:Wrenn Schmidt|Wrenn Schmidt]] – Amber Park
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] – Otis Haywood Sr.
* [[w:Donna Mills|Donna Mills]] – Bonnie Clayton
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Nessie
* [[w:Eddie Jemison|Eddie Jemison]] – Buster
* [[w:Oz Perkins|Oz Perkins]] – Fynn Bachman
* [[w:Devon Graye|Devon Graye]] – Ryder Muybridge
* [[w:Terry Notary|Terry Notary]] – Gordy
* [[w:Andrew Patrick Ralston|Andrew Patrick Ralston]] – Tom Rogan
* [[w:Jennifer Lafleur|Jennifer Lafleur]] – Phyllis Mayberry

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=10954984|title=Nope}}
* {{metacritic film|nope|Nope}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|nope}}
* {{Official website|https://www.nope.movie/}}

[[Category:2022 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Films about horses]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]]</text>
      <sha1>1kmzsh0a77dmmfglbfptncmxb6t42el</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Talk:Star Wars: The Force Awakens</title>
    <ns>1</ns>
    <id>249598</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146173</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T03:17:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{quotation limit|type=film|length=138 min}}&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="44" xml:space="preserve">{{quotation limit|type=film|length=138 min}}</text>
      <sha1>66xdy5y5m9agcymvbvqdv7k6bkm7lph</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Talk:The Book of Boba Fett</title>
    <ns>1</ns>
    <id>249599</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146208</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:16:12Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{quotation limit|type=tv|length=37-60 min}}&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="44" xml:space="preserve">{{quotation limit|type=tv|length=37-60 min}}</text>
      <sha1>2mdplcredddq742lts2964a7rj5bsy1</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Talk:The Last Ship</title>
    <ns>1</ns>
    <id>249600</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146209</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T05:18:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Eaglestorm</username>
        <id>16205</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{quotation limit|type=tv|length=48-60 min}}&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="44" xml:space="preserve">{{quotation limit|type=tv|length=48-60 min}}</text>
      <sha1>ejsbl5vumuw6ty27u834alb6a03j0it</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Boemo Dibeela Nyadza</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>249601</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146231</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T09:44:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Leungo Mokgwathi</username>
        <id>3106495</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;Boemo Dibeela Nyadza was born in Kanye, Botswana. She is an award winning news anchor, producer and presenter of the popular Radio Botswana morning show, Masa-A-sele.  == Quotes ==  * The Broadcasting journey is not all rosey, there are good days and very low and bad days. * Stakeholders should do more about professionalism, which will help them maximize quality products. * [https://news.thevoicebw.com/celeb-edition-with-boemo-dibeela-nyadza/ Celeb Edition With Boemo Dib...&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="822" xml:space="preserve">Boemo Dibeela Nyadza was born in Kanye, Botswana. She is an award winning news anchor, producer and presenter of the popular Radio Botswana morning show, Masa-A-sele.

== Quotes ==

* The Broadcasting journey is not all rosey, there are good days and very low and bad days.
* Stakeholders should do more about professionalism, which will help them maximize quality products.
* [https://news.thevoicebw.com/celeb-edition-with-boemo-dibeela-nyadza/ Celeb Edition With Boemo Dibeela Nyadza] (08 March 2022) Retrieved 23/07/2022

== External References ==

* [https://news.thevoicebw.com/celeb-edition-with-boemo-dibeela-nyadza/ Celeb Edition With Boemo Dibeela Nyadza] (08 March 2022)

[[Category:Women]]
[[Category:Radio personalities]]
[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:People from Botswana]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
      <sha1>shvzx3hb2wvoszivsvsf6xudr4fa0vd</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Gillian Slovo</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>249602</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146232</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T10:13:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Vanessa Proctor</username>
        <id>3126920</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;Gillian Slovo was born on the 15 March 1952 in South Africa. She is a memoirist, novelist and playwright. She abruptly lived in London with her family after they were put in exile. She has been awarded with a Golden Pen Award. Gillian is the daughter of the anti apartheid activist Joe Slovo who was assassinated during the apartheid area.  == Quotes ==  * If you look at this society you can see what capitalism delivers to people who have money * The reality of capitalism...&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2586" xml:space="preserve">Gillian Slovo was born on the 15 March 1952 in South Africa. She is a memoirist, novelist and playwright. She abruptly lived in London with her family after they were put in exile. She has been awarded with a Golden Pen Award. Gillian is the daughter of the anti apartheid activist Joe Slovo who was assassinated during the apartheid area.

== Quotes ==

* If you look at this society you can see what capitalism delivers to people who have money
* The reality of capitalism is not everyone gets what it promises
* One of the strongest pieces of Isis propaganda I’ve heard is the attack on the way women are “forced” to dress in the west. 
* [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/feb/21/gillian-slovo-ten-days-isis-national-theatre-south-africa Gillian Slovo: ‘I think the 2011 riots sparked something in me’] (21 February 2016) by Andrew Anthony retrieved 23 July 2022

* The consequences of marginalizing people on the basis of what they wear or what they say is very dangerous. 
* “The actions of al-Qaeda or Islamic State can force our governments, and some of us, to give up on some of the hard-won democratic rights which is what makes us different from them. I’m talking about all sorts of things, freedom of expression being one of the most important ones.”
* “If our response is to stop people in our societies from saying things they don’t want us to say, we are falling into their trap
* “In the same way, one of the things in common from these very different people who went to Islamic State is the feeling that they don’t know where they belong, they are looking for a sense of belonging and they wrongly think they will only find that in this mythical caliphate that they think has been established.”
* Anyone feeling vulnerable can feel attracted to the “idealistic world
* The problem is that it’s all fake because they only respect women’s bodies by restricting them to the house and forcing them to cover up, which is not the same as someone choosing to cover up.” 
* it appears that the appeal is not so much the religious rhetoric but the promise of an alternative to capitalism.
* “When you write a memoir you have to think about your responsibility to your audience that you’d be completely honest, and to people in your life. Your honesty is going to affect them.”
* “ask questions that they might not be asking of themselves” because as she says, 

* [https://www.middleeasteye.net/fr/node/52885 Gillian Slovo: The art of questioning] (6 May 2016) by Angeles Rodenas retrieved 23 July 2022

== External References ==</text>
      <sha1>6rzf7wjjj8upu1epr3a2kmcde7u1lyf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3146234</id>
      <parentid>3146232</parentid>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T10:21:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Vanessa Proctor</username>
        <id>3126920</id>
      </contributor>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3038" xml:space="preserve">Gillian Slovo was born on the 15 March 1952 in South Africa. She is a memoirist, novelist and playwright. She abruptly lived in London with her family after they were put in exile. She has been awarded with a Golden Pen Award. Gillian is the daughter of the anti apartheid activist Joe Slovo who was assassinated during the apartheid area.

== Quotes ==

* If you look at this society you can see what capitalism delivers to people who have money
* The reality of capitalism is not everyone gets what it promises
* One of the strongest pieces of Isis propaganda I’ve heard is the attack on the way women are “forced” to dress in the west. 
* [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/feb/21/gillian-slovo-ten-days-isis-national-theatre-south-africa Gilliaon Slov: ‘I think the 2011 riots sparked something in me’] (21 February 2016) by Andrew Anthony retrieved 23 July 2022

* The consequences of marginalizing people on the basis of what they wear or what they say is very dangerous. 
* “The actions of al-Qaeda or Islamic State can force our governments, and some of us, to give up on some of the hard-won democratic rights which is what makes us different from them. I’m talking about all sorts of things, freedom of expression being one of the most important ones.”
* “If our response is to stop people in our societies from saying things they don’t want us to say, we are falling into their trap
* “In the same way, one of the things in common from these very different people who went to Islamic State is the feeling that they don’t know where they belong, they are looking for a sense of belonging and they wrongly think they will only find that in this mythical caliphate that they think has been established.”
* Anyone feeling vulnerable can feel attracted to the “idealistic world
* The problem is that it’s all fake because they only respect women’s bodies by restricting them to the house and forcing them to cover up, which is not the same as someone choosing to cover up.” 
* it appears that the appeal is not so much the religious rhetoric but the promise of an alternative to capitalism.
* “When you write a memoir you have to think about your responsibility to your audience that you’d be completely honest, and to people in your life. Your honesty is going to affect them.”
* “ask questions that they might not be asking of themselves” because as she says, 

* [https://www.middleeasteye.net/fr/node/52885 Gillian Slovo: The art of questioning] (6 May 2016) by Angeles Rodenas retrieved 23 July 2022

== External References ==

* [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/feb/21/gillian-slovo-ten-days-isis-national-theatre-south-africa lliaon Slov: ‘I think the 2011 riots sparked something in me’] (21 February 2016) by Andrew Anthony 
* [https://www.middleeasteye.net/fr/node/52885 Gillian Slovo: The art of questioning] (6 May 2016) by Angeles Rodenas


[[Category:Women]]
[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:1952 births]]
[[Category:Authors]]</text>
      <sha1>l9ej9u1lc42zyu2yzcspxrvtg4n7gu5</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>One Rapelana</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>249603</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146233</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T10:15:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Dynamitemines</username>
        <id>3126925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;One Rapelana is born and bred in Gaborone, she is a self taught Graphic  designer turned fashion creator, she runs Xita, an accessories brand. Her designs are Afro-futuristic, quirky and bold. She has her work showcased on the runway of African Fashion International in South Africa.  == Quotes ==  * Creativity is all about breaking boundaries * Be non-conforming while enjoying yourself at the same time * Keep pushing boundaries * [https://forcreativegirls.com/botswana-de...&quot;</comment>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1034" xml:space="preserve">One Rapelana is born and bred in Gaborone, she is a self taught Graphic  designer turned fashion creator, she runs Xita, an accessories brand. Her designs are Afro-futuristic, quirky and bold. She has her work showcased on the runway of African Fashion International in South Africa.

== Quotes ==

* Creativity is all about breaking boundaries
* Be non-conforming while enjoying yourself at the same time
* Keep pushing boundaries
* [https://forcreativegirls.com/botswana-designer-one-rapelana-accessories/ Botswana Designer, Onê Rapelana On Being Self-Taught &amp; Designing Afro-Futuristic Accessories](October,2018) by Forecreativegirls retrieved 23 July 2022

== External References ==

* [https://forcreativegirls.com/botswana-designer-one-rapelana-accessories/ Botswana Designer, Onê Rapelana On Being Self-Taught &amp; Designing Afro-Futuristic Accessories](October,2018) by Forecreativegirls 

[[Category:Women]]
[[Category:Fashion designers]]
[[Category:African women]]
[[Category:People from Botswana]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Basuti Gerty Bolo</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>249604</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3146235</id>
      <timestamp>2022-07-23T10:22:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Leungo Mokgwathi</username>
        <id>3106495</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;Basuti Gerty Bolo grew up in the village of Mathangwane, Botswana. She is a space scientist and multi award winner for her role in technological development. She runs multiple initiatives that aim to empower women and girls, reduce gender inequality, promote women in entrepreneurship, leadership and use of technology for sustainability.   == Quotes ==  * Whatever an whenever I do something, I do it for the best and benefit of others, my culture my country, and my contine...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="1476" xml:space="preserve">Basuti Gerty Bolo grew up in the village of Mathangwane, Botswana. She is a space scientist and multi award winner for her role in technological development. She runs multiple initiatives that aim to empower women and girls, reduce gender inequality, promote women in entrepreneurship, leadership and use of technology for sustainability. 

== Quotes ==

* Whatever an whenever I do something, I do it for the best and benefit of others, my culture my country, and my continent and for the world. My focus is not on winning but on learning, gaining experiences and networking with other women who can be my role models and mentors that I can work with together as a team to address global challenges.
* Driving my goals is one of the most important things, my passion is to see more women into technology and to reduce gender inequality in the sector, and also to promote Science Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) for girls and women.
* [https://www.weekendpost.co.bw/33057/news/high-flying-motswana-woman-nominated-for-7-global-awards/ High Flying Motswana Woman nominated for 7 Global Awards] (15 December 2021) Retrieved (23/07/2022)

== External References ==

* [https://www.weekendpost.co.bw/33057/news/high-flying-motswana-woman-nominated-for-7-global-awards/ High Flying Motswana Woman nominated for 7 Global Awards] (15 December 2021)

[[Category:Women scientists]]
[[Category:People from Botswana]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Botswana Women]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Reagile Kopi</title>
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      <timestamp>2022-07-23T11:02:18Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Leungo Mokgwathi</username>
        <id>3106495</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;Reagile Kopi was born in 1994. She is a Tv and radio personality and an international master of ceremonies.  == Quotes ==  * I’ve had my fair share of severe depression and anxiety a few years ago which has had an impact on my life. This experience taught me the value of self-love and self-care which I continue to grow in. * After months of feeling deprived of expressing my creativity while I was studying for my accounting degree, I just decided to START! I decided to...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="1062" xml:space="preserve">Reagile Kopi was born in 1994. She is a Tv and radio personality and an international master of ceremonies.

== Quotes ==

* I’ve had my fair share of severe depression and anxiety a few years ago which has had an impact on my life. This experience taught me the value of self-love and self-care which I continue to grow in.
* After months of feeling deprived of expressing my creativity while I was studying for my accounting degree, I just decided to START! I decided to start where I was, with what I had and who I had.
* [https://tswalebs.com/top-of-the/rea-kopi-opens-up-about-how-she-has-struggled-with-depression Rea Kopi Opens Up About How She Has Struggled With Depression] (12 November 2020) Retrieved (23/07/2022)

== External References ==

* [https://tswalebs.com/top-of-the/rea-kopi-opens-up-about-how-she-has-struggled-with-depression Rea Kopi Opens Up About How She Has Struggled With Depression] (12 November 2020)

[[Category:Botswana Women]]
[[Category:People from Botswana]]
[[Category:Radio personalities]]
[[Category:Media personalities]]</text>
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